Pretty TGirls Magazine

Transcription

April 2007
An interview
with …
Christina Marie
Pretty TGirls Magazine is a production of the Pretty TGirls Group
Group and is intended as a free resource for the
Transgendered community. Articles and advertisements may be submitted
submitted for consideration to the editor, Rachel Pastel,
Pretty
TGirls
Magazine
- Aprilthe2007
1
at [email protected] . It is our hope that our magazine will increase
understanding of the TGpage
world and
better acceptance of TGirls in our society. To that end, any articles
articles and notices are appreciated and welcomed for review !
April 2007 Edition
Welcome to the April edition …
Take pride and joy with being a TGirl !
Table of contents:
Our Miss 2007 Cover Girls !
Our Miss April 2007 Cover Girls
Cover Girl Christina Marie
Members’ Then and Now Pics
Editor’s Corner - Rachel Pastel
Patty’s Powder Room - Patty Cakes
Understanding The Acceptance Pendulum - Marla Morley
My First Time Out - Tonya Smith
Coming Out To My Sister - Abby
Pink Essence - Leigh Smythe
Unforgettable Faces (Contouring and Blush) - Carol Deanna
Signs - Brianna Austin
TG-Friendly Places To Go
TG Conferences and Getaways
Advertisements and newsy items
Our April and May 2007 Calendar Pages
Magazine courtesy of the Pretty TGirls Group at
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/prettytgirls
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007
page 2
Our Miss 2007 Cover Girls !
page 3
Our Miss April 2007 Cover Girls !
Just go to …
How about joining us?
We’re a tasteful, fun
group of girls and we
love new friends!
http://groups.yahoo.co
m/group/prettytgirls
page 4
An Interview With Christina Marie
Question: When did you first start crossdressing?
Christina: I was about 15 or 16 at the time when
I first started to crossdress.
Question: Describe your early experiences dressing
as a girl.
Christina: My sister was getting married and one
of her bride’s maids gown was in my room, along
with the heels. I was curious about it and decided
to try on the shoes. The shoes fit perfectly and it
didn’t take me long to figure out how to walk in
them. Then I just wanted to try on the gown. I
stripped and then slipped it on. It was such a rush.
It didn’t feel wrong when I did it. I felt complete
as though I was meant to be like that. After that,
I just wanted to try on other things. That took
time though.
Question: At what age did you start using make-up and wearing wigs? How did you learn how to apply
make up? Any tips for other TGirls? Brand of make up you use?
Christina: I started using makeup and a wig when I was about 21. I always had an idea of what I like in
a woman and I used that to create Christy. Long hair was a must. As for the makeup, I had to learn all
on my own. My wife didn’t want any part in it really. I have always used Cover Girl, but have been
dabbling in a little bit of everything now. As time passed I got a little better at makeup, but when I was
34 I met my friend Brenda though Tau Upsilon and she showed me what I could look like in short hair. I
didn’t think I would look good. I was so wrong, and then I changed my name to Christina Marie, to go
with the new look. As for Christina’s tips, the best way to find a wig is go there dressed with makeup on.
It makes finding the right wig easer. Not to mention it is a lot of fun. The best way to find the right
makeup is go to a MAC counter and get a make-over. If not, get a book on makeup like “Making Faces,”
and practice, practice, practice.
page 5
An Interview With Christina Marie … continued
Question: If you had your choice, what do
like wearing the most when being a girl?
Christina: I like wearing everything, from
the panties and bra to the dress. If I had
to pick one, it would be a dress because
that is what completes the look.
Question: Now a bit of personal information ... What is your marital status? A sensitive area for some
girls, but ... how old are you now? Does anyone know you are a TGirl? What country do you live in?
Christina: I am a married T-Girl for over 17 years. I just turned 37 this month. As for who knows that I
dress, everyone on my side of the family does, but my wife keeps it from hers. My family found out during
a time when we were having marital problems. I didn’t want her telling my family before I did. It
worked out great because they were all very accepting. And yes they did ask if I was gay right off. I told
them I was when I am dressed as a woman. A complete lesbian! Even all my nieces and nephews know I
dress. I live in Tucson, AZ. Lots and lots of fun in the sun!
page 6
Question: Have you ever gone out as a girl? If so, tell us
what the first time is like and how you feel being out in
the world as a girl.
Christina: I make it out at least twice a month if not
more. I belong to a Tri-Ess organization called Tau
Upsilon. A bunch of T-Girls get together to chat. The
first time I went out of the house was about a week before
Halloween years ago. The wife and I went as the opposite
sex. I wanted to try a test first. So we dress up and
visited the neighbours and see if they could help perfect it a
little better. They did, and it was so fun. I remember being
so nervous and just shaking in those 4 inch heels! I did
like being the centre of attention for once. ☺ One guy
actually thought my wife and I were lesbians. LOL It
was such a fun Halloween!.
Question: Have you ever gone through a purge of your female clothing? If so, can you tell us why? How
did it make you feel? How long before you went back to being a girl?
Christina: No, I never went though a purge. I heard TG’s do it all the time and that they end up starting
all over again. I figured I would save money. If I ever have a problem, I just put everything up and then
bring it back when I need it. It doesn’t take long though…I would be back dressing the next day.
Question: What percentage of time do you spend as a girl?
Christina: Once I dress and have makeup on I stay like that as long as possible, usually about 8-12 hours.
page 7
Question: Have you ever considered moving
towards becoming more of a girl physically
with options like hormones, feminisation
surgery, breast enhancements, or SRS?
Christina: The older I get the more I want to
be that girl I see in the mirror.
Unfortunately family keeps me grounded.
Being a parent takes a lot of time, and I
can’t be selfish. I do what I can
Question: Do you feel more like a boy or a girl now and
why?
Christina: I feel much more like a woman now. As the
years passed, it went from a sexual thing to something
that just felt and looked right in my mind. I spend a lot
of time trying to perfect my image.
page 8
Question: Have you ever dated or wanted to
date another TGirl or a man?
Christina: I have been out on a couple dates
with men. It was so much fun to be treated
like a lady. I wish I could do it more. ☺
Question: Do you have any advice for other
TGirls, especially ones that have yet to
venture out as a girl?
Christina: The easiest way is to join an
actual Tri-Ess group or some there group to
make it easier to venture out. It just takes
time to build confidence.
Question: How is your life now as a TGirl? What's
gone well and not so well?
Christina: I am glad I have taken the time to actually
express my femme side. If I didn’t, who know what
might have been. I just wish my wife was more
excepting and supportive, but I take what I can get.
page 9
Question: Anything else you'd like to say?
Christina: I just wanted to say thanks for taking the time to interview me and I hope readers enjoy
reading about my life.
page 10
page 11
page 12
Pretty TGirl Members Then and Now (Photos of how we looked when first dressing as a girl and how we look today)
Jeanette
Abby
Then
Today
Then
Today
????
Then
????
Today
Then
Today
page 13
Editor’s Corner – Rachel Pastel
Personal Website: http://rachelpastel.com
Welcome to our issue for April 2007!
We still need magazine contributors. Would you like your very own
monthly column? Have a story about your experiences as a TGirl?
Are you a member of a TG group and would like to tell us about it?
Can you put together a TG-related crossword puzzle each month?
Really, we will consider anything TG-related that is tasteful, so if
you can contribute, please email me at [email protected] .
I would especially love to have a GG or two to have a column and
write about their feelings on Transgenderism.
Ok, for April …I call this “You and Your Bra.” Figleaves.com has
been gracious enough to allow me to reprint their wonderful pages
on how to select the right bra size for you. All us girls wear bras . I
still think wearing makeup and a bra is where the departure from
crossdresser to being a TGirl is. Wearing a bra is one of the most
feminine things we can start with. Personally, I wear a bra the
majority of days, even while I’m sleeping! It is just as important
for us girls to wear the right bra as genetic girls … so take a look
at the following pages!
If you haven’t already, and you are a Transgendered Girl, please take a moment to
take my TG Survey.
The survey is located at … http://rachelpastel.com/survey/survey.php?s_id=1
I really want to get to at least 1000 TGirls taking my survey. Results-to-date are
posted on the following pages.
page 14
You and Your Bra
By Rachel Pastel
This information courtesy of
FigLeaves.com
Do you know that some 80% of women are wearing the
wrong size bra? Here are some pointers and what to look
for when putting on a bra, getting the right size (with me
as a model!), and more! This material was used from
Figleaves.com website with their written permission. You
should check out their website … lovely lingerie at good
prices!
How to figure out your true bra size
What a correct fitting bra looks like
CORRECT-FITTING BRA (FRONT)
1. Center front sits flat against the body
2. Underwire sits flat against the ribcage
3. Breast tissue is completely encased in underwire
4. Underwire follows the natural crease of the breast
5. Cup fits with no bulging or gaping at the top
page 15
You and Your Bra … Continued
(thanks to Sarah at Figleaves.com)
By Rachel Pastel
How to put on a bra
CORRECT-FITTING BRA (BACK)
6. Straps are parallel or slightly V shaped
at the back
7. Band is level all the way round, without
riding up at the back
8. Underband is nice and snug
9. Straps do not dig into the shoulders
STEP ONE
Lean in. Adjust the straps to their
maximum length (you’ll shorten them
later) and slip your arms through.
Lean forward into the cups, hook up
the bra at the back if you can (if not,
fasten the bra at the front and then
turn it around, taking care not to strain
the elastics, before leaning in) and put
the straps on your shoulders.
page 16
By Rachel Pastel
STEP TWO
Adjust the bra. To do this slip a hand into the cup
and lift the breast while holding the wire in the
correct position with the other hand. Where should
it sit? Look at the natural crease of the breast - the
wire should fit along the crease where your breast
begins while remaining on the ribcage so that it
doesn’t pinch the breast tissue.
STEP THREE
The jiggle: Hold the wires under the breasts,
lean forward and gently shake the bra to the
left and right. Your breasts will fall into the
cup and sit higher when you stand up straight.
STEP FOUR
Adjust the straps. Remember that it’s the bra band that provides
most of a bra’s support – not the straps. The straps should therefore
support the breast lightly without putting too much pressure on the
shoulders; otherwise, the back of the bra will ride up and affect
your posture. Drop the strap off your shoulder so that you can reach
the adjusters from the side (or ask someone to help you). You only
need to do this once, and the strap length will be right every time.
page 17
By Rachel Pastel
Ready? Now it’s time to put on your favorite bra,
stand in front of the mirror – or, better still, ask a
friend to help you – and start looking for clues.
Ok … here I am (Rachel) in my bra as your
model. This article shows you many areas to
watch out for when choosing a bra and bra size.
To begin, take the 2 measurements shown in the
photos (pink bar). The 1st measurement is your
bra size and the 2nd helps determine your cup
size. You subtract the 1st result from the 2nd
result for your cup size. For example, my 1st
measurement is 36 and my 2nd is 38. This means
my bra size/cup size is 36B. Remember girls, that
is the start … you should read all of this article
if you want a truly great fitting bra for YOU.
Measure your bra size:
Measure over an unpadded, comfortably fitting
bra. Keep the tape measure snug, not tight.
Measure around the chest, just under the arms,
above the bust. This is your band or body size. If
your measurement ends in a fraction, round either
up or down to the nearest whole size.
Measure your cup size:
Measure completely around the bust at the fullest
point, holding the tape measure straight but not tight.
Round to the nearest whole size.
page 18
By Rachel Pastel
BACK BAND RIDING UP
Lift up your arms to see if the underband is tight enough. Check that the
underwire is still sitting on the body and that the band is not riding up at the back
– if it’s ridingup, this might mean that your band is too big. If you are still
unsure, here’s how to judge: the underband should fit firmly against the body so
that it does not slide around or move away from the chest as you go about your
daily activities.
SHOULDER STRAPS DIGGING IN
The underband of a bra provides the majority (80 percent) of support for the
breasts, with the straps providing just 20 percent. If the bra straps are digging in
it could be because the underband is too loose and the straps are doing most of
the work to support the bust – so in this case we recommend that you try a
smaller band size. Alternatively, you may just need to loosen the straps.
BACK BAND OVERSTRETCHED
Look at your back straps: they should either be parallel
to each other, or converge in a slight V shape at the
back. It they are too far apart at the back (an upside
down V), it could mean that your bra band is too small
and overstretching. (It is possible, however, that this is
simply the design of the bra, so look for other clues such
as the back band digging in uncomfortably.)
page 19
By Rachel Pastel
Front band pulling down
Have a look at the underwire at the
front of the bra.Does it lie just
under the breast, or is it being
pulled further down your ribcage?
If the underwire is being dragged
down to where your ribcage is
slightly narrower, this is a sign that
you are wearing too small a band
size.
page 20
By Rachel Pastel
Center front lifting away from the
body
The center front should lie flat against
the body. If it doesn’t, this could be a
sign that the cups are too small,
causing the breasts to push the center
front away.
Wire digging into the breast tissue at underarm
Look at the sides of the cups – it’s important that the
breast is completely encased by the underwire. Is
there any underwire digging into the breast tissue? If
so, you might well need a larger cup size. There is
also a possibility that the underband is too tight
and pulling the wire so tightly against the chest that
it becomes distorted and no longer follows the
natural crease of your breasts.
This in turn can cause the wire to
dig into the bottom and side of the
breast. If you find the correct
underband size to begin with,
you can eliminate this as a possibility
and start to work on finding your
correct cup size.
page 21
By Rachel Pastel
Bulging over top of cup
Does any breast tissue bulge out at
the top of the cup? This means the
cup is too small.
page 22
By Rachel Pastel
Cups too baggy
If there are creases in your cups you
might want to try going down a cup size.
If, however, the cup fits snugly
everywhere but is gaping where the cup
meets the strap, it could be that the bra is
finishing too high up the chest for you.
Some people are more hollow in this area
than others, so square necklines that
finish lower down on the chest – as in a
balconette, for example – are better.
page 23
By Rachel Pastel
Different sized breasts
Do you have one breast bigger than the
other? This is very common – most
women have one breast around half a size
bigger than the other; for some, there is
more of a difference.
It’s important to always fit the bigger
breast – tighten the other strap slightly to
avoid the cup with the smaller breast
sagging. And don’t forget that you can
always lightly pad the smaller breast.
page 24
By Rachel Pastel
How bra sizes work
It’s important to understand that the band size and the cup size work together. One of the most common
misconceptions is that a D cup is always bigger than a C or B cup. In fact, a bra’s cup size is dependent on
its band size – so a 32D holds the same volume as a 34C but is actually smaller than a 38B.
What does this mean in practice? Well, if, for example, you are currently wearing a 36DD and you want to
go down a band size but keep the same cup, you will need a 34E, not a 34DD, to accommodate your breasts.
If, on the other hand, you are wearing the correct band size but wish to try a different a cup size, all you need
to do to is move up or down a letter size. (This is why it is a good idea to establish your correct band size
first before moving on to the cups.)
Bearing this in mind, be prepared for your true size to surprise you. Even if you think of yourself as ‘busty’,
this does not always translate to a bigger band size – the volume of your breast is all in the cup size. So, for
example, people often think that Pamela Anderson’s size is somewhere in the region of a 38D because 38 is
thought to be a large bra size; in fact, she is a 34F. This is in fact the same cup size but a smaller band size.
Elizabeth, like many women, was wearing a bra that was too big in the band and too small in the cup. She
arrived at our fitting studio in a 36C bra which was riding up at the back and offered little support, causing
her to hunch forward.
page 25
By Rachel Pastel
After being fitted, she emerged a taller, more confident 32E. In the correct bra not only are her breasts
properly supported, but her torso looks longer and her posture is better – you can really see the difference it
makes under her everyday clothes.
Styles of bras
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page 26
By Rachel Pastel
Balconette
A balconette is a sexy style of bra with a low neckline that goes
straight across the bust. It has wide set straps for a square
neckline. The cups are seamed to push the bust upwards to give
a shelf like appearance similar to the look created by a corset.
Non padded balconettes create less of a cleavage than the
padded versions, but they still have a square neckline. On larger
cup sizes the neckline may be higher.
Molded bra
So-called because the cup is molded from a single piece of
foam or fabric – so that it’s seamless.
T-shirt bra
Like a moulded bra, a t-shirt bra’s cups are seamless.
What makes it a t-shirt bra is the thickness: a t-shirt bra
has a level of padding to ensure that your nipples do not
show through when you’re wearing a figure hugging top.
page 27
By Rachel Pastel
Half cup
Lingerie manufacturers do not always agree on what makes a
half cup bra but as a general rule, it’s one where the cup stops
just above the nipple. Known in the US as a demi bra, it is
generally more suitable for smaller cup sizes. However,
larger cup brands are becoming increasingly skilled at
creating supportive bras that give a good impression of a half
cup.
Full cup
Again, lingerie manufacturers don’t always agree on
what makes a full cup, but a full cup bra is generally
one where the cups cover the entire breast.
Soft cup or soft bra
A soft cup bra is one without an underwire. Maternity and
sports bras tend to be soft cups, and soft cups are also a
good solution for teenagers who can’t wear underwired
bras while they are still growing, as well as for some larger
cup size women who cannot find an underwired bra to fit.
If you have a larger back size too, it can be easier to find a
well-fitting soft cup bra than one with an underwire. Don’t
think that a soft cup bra is necessarily less supportive than
its underwired sister – heavily constructed soft cup bras
like the Triumph Doreen can be very supportive indeed.
page 28
By Rachel Pastel
Minimizer
Minimizer bras are designed with a specific need in
mind: if you take a larger cup size, how do you deal
with those gaping tops? A minimizer bra redistributes
the breast tissue so that your breasts do not protrude
so much – and you can do up your shirt buttons.
Strapless
Indispensable under strapless tops and tricky party dresses, a
strapless bra deserves a place in every wardrobe. It’s important,
though, to get the tension right: too loose, and it won’t give you
enough support; too tight and it will pull itself down the ribcage.
Many multiway bras have detachable or clear straps and can be
worn as a strapless bra as well as a halterneck or with the straps
crossed over at the back. Look out too for backless bras, which
criss-cross around the waist, and – most unobtrusive of all – the
latest self-adhesive solutions that you simply stick to the body.
(This is only recommended for smaller cup sizes.)
page 29
Patty’s Powder Room
Welcome to the Powder Room once again. By the way “Patty’s Powder Room” is a separate space set aside
for Patty in our home with all my clothes, wigs, makeup and femme décor that I like complete with stereo
system. It also has a bedroom and office as part of the 3 room space. It is where I feel completely at home
as Patty and allows me a spot to get ready in total comfort when I go out. I feel very fortunate to have
this place to go to and be surrounded by things I like, it is very peaceful. I have am armchair in there so I
can just sit back and relax and listen to music that I like. I can reflect, think, read, change and just plain
be me there. This area of our home was created once I came out to my wife and daughters. Home Sweet
Home!
So my home is set up and I am happy inside but what about
the external world? Our world of crossdressing is a different
one compared to the norm of the way most of us were brought
up or trained in our formative and our schooled years. It is
also a world that can carry much baggage with it because of
the lack of acceptance by society in general. We face many challenges and live like a secret society yet every
time I look around there seems to be more and more information available about crossdressing. The internet
has been a huge catalyst to make information more accessible to the world than any other time in the past.
It seems that there is a huge opportunity quelling up out there that every one of us that crossdresses could
affect some change in the world, albeit slowly, like how we are viewed in society. Gandhi had a famous
quote “You must be the change you wish to see in this world”. I made a conscious decision that when I go
out in public I am always on a small mission to help educate members of the public in a positive manner
about crossdressing. I introduce myself to one or some of the staff of just about every women’s clothing
store I go in. I let them know I am married, not someone weird and tell them I am here to possibly buy
some clothes. Many times we get into quite the chats about crossdressing and it offers an opportunity for
me to talk about the positives of crossdressing and educate someone who knows nothing of what we do.
By being proactive and positive they usually return a positive reaction back I find in just about every store
I have ever done this in. When I wasn’t proactive however, I got the looks and the signs of them
wondering who I am and what I am up to. I think can be a natural reaction to something deemed foreign
to them. It’s a chance for us to change one mind at a time!
page 30
Patty’s Powder Room … Continued
By Patty Cakes
The biggest challenge for me was to come out to my wife once I knew I was on the path of no return from
dressing up. I knew I wasn’t going to wake up one morning and say oh well I have had enough of this and
stop. It isn’t going to happen. So if I am not going to give it up the obvious step was to figure out away
to tell my wife which I discussed in last months column. In reflecting on how this was accomplished a
little further I realize that I had a great foundation in the first place to start from in our relationship. I
consider myself very fortunate when you look at the divorce rate statistics. Beyond being fortunate it has
also taken us a lot of work to stay together and have good communication, trust and keeping our love alive
for all these years (23 years to be exact). I was asked by another crossdresser what the secret was to
making this all work. I told her to read my next column. LOL so here I go…
The foundation has to be built very strong in the first
place and based on trust and understanding. Every
relationship is different and there are a ton of psychology
books that discuss these attributes for a successful
relationship. Males and females do think differently
as many tests of all kinds have proven over the years.
A lot of books about crossdressing indicate that the gap
can be lessened to quite a degree as the understanding of
each other grows if one follows that path. However even with a good foundation much has be built on it
to make it all come together into a work of art. If you are going to learn how to build a house you better
learn some new skills and focus on them so you can do a good job. There is a ton of information available
to each and every one of us in bookstores, libraries and the internet on building better relationships. So
that’s a great starting point
page 31
By Patty Cakes
Research and reading is a natural love for me so I continue to read and
grow and learn more about our world everyday. Lately I have been spending
some time in the powder room reading books on CD/TG and relationship
subjects from coming out to going out to you name it. There are some great
books that are very inspirational for anyone that crossdresses and beyond
that maintaining and keeping a relationship throughout the journey. I
thought I would focus this column on a few of the books and authors I
have been reading over the past few years.
If you do not have any reading materials on our lifestyle you may want get some to expand your horizons
and provide food for thought on what you are into and perhaps some of the theories why we came to be
what we are. There are many theories and they have changed perspective over the years and I like to take
them all into account when I am reading as well as the era they were written in. I’ll start be saying when
I read any book I try and keep my mind open and always read it with the understanding that it is an
opinion and the information contained within can be somewhat subjective. I find it best to keep my own
thoughts and ideas near the forefront so that I can interpret rather than take all the info verbatim and
just believe it like with most things in life. In other words, take it all in with a grain of salt as the old
expression goes. This makes for much better reading and thinking on my part and also keeps my creative
energies working along with the material I am reading so I also get new fresh ideas surface.
The first book that I gained some great ideas from was “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus”.
John Gray used the metaphor of Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus to illustrate the
commonly occurring differences between males and females. Although this is not a book
on crossdressing perse, I found value in looking at the relationship side of things that
helped me consider things from the point of view of a genuine woman’s perspective.
Where I used this is not only in understanding myself but also how to communicate
more effectively with my wife. I mention that you might need a grain of salt when
you red it as the book is written solely by a man, John Gray, so I found some areas were
aligned with a male perspective. That being said, there is still so much good thinking in
the book about the differences between the two genders that it was a great platform to
launch from for me to continue building a more communicative environment with my wife. Some of the
key points I got out of it were the descriptions of the ways that we think differently and how to work
towards bridging the gaps we have in communicating as males and females.
page 32
By Patty Cakes
Some of the key parts of the book for me were knitted throughout the book in the language we use with
each other that sometimes seem as different as cheese and chalk to coin another old phrase. Another was
the feelings and thoughts we hide from each other because we not know how to communicate with each
other. Here is an example taken from the book on basic communication and how words and meanings can
be misinterpreted easily. When a Venusian (woman) says “We never go out” a Martian (man) hears “You
are not doing your job, what a disappointment you have turned out to be. We never do anything together
any more; you are lazy, unromantic and boring”. Yet what the Venusian is actually saying in her own
language is “I feel like going out and doing something together. We always have such a fun time and I
enjoy being with you. What do you think? Would you take me out? It’s been a few days since we have
been out”. The book explains that when a Venusian is upset she not only uses generalities and so forth but
is also asking for a particular kind of support. She doesn’t ask directly for that support because on Venus
everyone knew that dramatic language implied a particular request. If a Martian can hear the implied
request and respond accordingly, then the Venusian will feel truly heard and loved. The book covers a lot
of ground in this area of teaching us to interpret each others real feelings and meanings. I got a lot of food
for thought by reading this book so would recommend it to anyone that wants a better understanding of
the difference in communication style between the two sexes. This is very handy if you plan on coming out
to your loved one some day as you are going to have to be clear in all of your communication.
So Who is Really from Venus? Is a book written in 1998 by Dr. Peggy Rudd that
takes the above books basic premise and looks at it from a perspective that some
people don’t really know if they are Martians or Venusians. Peggy delves into
unscrambling the mystery of why some people can be a bit of both. She has done a
wonderful job or connecting the lines of thought to how a crossdresser can identify
with both gender spectrums with the Mars and Venus analogy. Her husband is a
crossdresser so it all makes sense she would have intimate knowledge and experience
in this area. She possesses a great writing style and a good sense of humor from what
I can see.
There are some great conflict management techniques for couples focus on in the book as well as other bits
of wisdom. I like it because it speaks the language of the crossdresser throughout. It is loaded with so
many creative ideas I have read it twice already and plan to read it one more time. She is also the lady
that organizes the Dignity Cruises. Peggy believes crossdressers deserve dignity and respect. She believes
the opportunity to move freely in an elegant setting is an integral part of feeling complete and fulfilled.
Dignity Cruises, in association with Absolute Best Cruises, offer members of the crossdressing community
the opportunity to experience the finer things in life while dressed as a beautiful woman or as a man.
page 33
By Patty Cakes
The cruises offer wives, partners, family members and friends an opportunity to interface with others who
have shared some of their own life experiences. If you are interested in looking into this go to
www.pmpub.com for more info.
Peggy also wrote a book that you might be more familiar with called “My Husband Wears
My Clothes” in 1995 which is primarily written from the perspective of a wife of a CD. This
is also a fascinating read providing a lot of insight into the female perspective, viewpoint
and acceptance of crossdressing. I plan to buy any other books I can find from this author.
It’s been said that this is a "must read" for anyone in a transgendered relationship. The book
addresses many of the questions frequently asked by the friends, families, and spouses of
men who crossdress as well as candidly exploring the related emotions that range from
frustration to elation. Through her example as the wife of a crossdresser, Dr. Rudd demonstrates that total
acceptance is both possible and rewarding.
That’s it for this month’s Powder Room! Comments and observations most welcome always. Please email
me at [email protected]
page 34
Understanding The Acceptance Pendulum
By Marla Morley
“I don’t understand my wife. She seemed okay with
this after I told her, but now she gets upset whenever
I mention it. What’s going on with her?” As many
crossdressers have discovered, a wife’s or girlfriend’s
road to acceptance is rarely smooth. There are often
rough patches, detours, and even U-turns to contend
with along the way. Understanding why these occur,
and what you can do to help her through them, may
make the journey easier for both of you.
The first thing you need to understand is that for all but a tiny minority of women, finding out about your
crossdressing is a traumatic experience. The degree of perceived trauma varies considerably from one
woman to the next and depends on many factors, including her upbringing, her values, the strength of your
relationship, and the circumstances surrounding her initial discovery. Some women seem to take the news
in stride, while others are completely devastated, but for nearly all of them there is some emotional work
that needs to be done before true acceptance can take place. This work is commonly known as coping.
Any time there is change in our lives, there is potentially a sense a loss, and coping is the process of dealing
with that loss and adjusting to the new situation.
“But what has she lost?” You ask. “Nothing has changed. I am still exactly the same person as before.”
From your point of view, of course, you are absolutely correct. But from her point of view, everything is
different now. Her image of you, her expectations of the relationship, and her vision of the future all must
be reevaluated in light of this new information. The loss that she has experienced is very real to her—the
loss of the man she thought she knew. Coping with loss takes time, and while the process is different for
each woman, there are several stages that typically occur. This is the model that therapists refer to as “The
5 Stages of Grief,” and it can be used to describe an individual’s adjustment to any significant life change.
page 35
Understanding The Acceptance
Pendulum … Continued
By Marla Morley
· DENIAL – My husband is not a real crossdresser. This is just a silly phase he’s going through. If I
ignore it, or refuse to tolerate it, it will go away.
· ANGER – How could you do this to me? You obviously don’t give a damn about our family!
· BARGAINING – There must be a cure for this. You just need to find a good therapist, or start a new
hobby, or get a different job, or have sex with me more often. I’ll do anything if you just stop!
· DEPRESSION – Go ahead and do whatever you want. I don’t care anymore. What’s the use?
· ACCEPTANCE – I realize now that this is a part of you. I won’t try to change who you are. Let’s
work together to find a solution that is acceptable to both of us, so that we can get on with our life
together.
These stages are rarely experienced in a neat sequence; rather, they tend to merge and overlap with one
another. Each stage may last for any length of time, from minutes to years. Moreover, the process is
recursive, meaning that a stage may be repeated several times before it is resolved. This partly explains
why a woman might seem accepting one day, and angry the next. She is coping with pain and loss in an
entirely normal way. It is not fair to expect her emotions to remain stable, not is it healthy for her to
repress them. The best thing you can do is keep the lines of communication open between you, and ask her
frequently how she is feeling. Just because she seemed to tolerate your crossdressing--or even enjoy it--last
week, there is no guarantee that her response will be the same this week.
What causes these sudden shifts, and what can you do to help her work through them? As it happens,
there are many circumstances that can trigger a step backwards from acceptance to one of the earlier
stages. Here are a few common scenarios.
• Her acceptance may not have been genuine in the first place. When a woman first finds out about her
partner’s crossdressing, she is often in shock. Rather than dealing with her own feelings, her first instinct
may be to comfort you and offer reassurance. She may fear that reacting in a negative way will make you
feel rejected, and she may also fear being rejected herself. Perhaps she wants to avoid an argument, or
perhaps she is so overwhelmed that she simply does not know what to say, so she tells you that everything
is all right. Eventually, after she has had time to think things through, her true emotions will begin to
emerge. That is why you should always move slowly after breaking the news to her, no matter how well
she seems to take it. Allow a “cooling off” period before you start moving your things into the closet or
wearing nighties to bed. Introduce her to your femme side a little at a time, be attentive to her signals,
and be willing to back off if she shows signs of discomfort.
page 36
By Marla Morley
2. She may accept your crossdressing at the intellectual level, but not at the emotional level. If her
personal values include being non-judgmental and tolerant of others, she will quickly acknowledge that
there is nothing wrong with a man wanting to wear women’s clothes. She will understand that this
behavior is harmless and quite common. But regardless of what her thoughts are, her feelings will proceed
at their own pace. It is one thing to accept the concept of crossdressing, but it is something else entirely to
see your husband in a dress. This gap between intellectual and emotional acceptance can be as confusing
for her as it is for you. Be patient. If she is well-informed about crossdressing and her beliefs are in the
right place, her emotions will follow—eventually.
3. She may feel that the terms she initially agreed to are being changed. Perhaps she was tolerant of you
wearing panties under your male clothes, but recently you have begun wearing skirts and heels around the
house, and that is more than she can handle. Each time your crossdressing escalates, new boundaries have
to be negotiated. If you do not check with her first, she will feel as though you are moving the goal posts,
and whatever approval she offered before may be withdrawn. Moving forward before she is ready will
cause her to feel that the situation is out of control, and an unpleasant backlash will most likely result.
There is no sure way to predict how each new step will affect her; some women are comfortable with
nightwear but not nail polish, others are fine with pantyhose but not bras, and a great many are okay
with clothing, but not wigs and makeup. The only way to avoid violating her boundaries is to talk to her
about them, and listen to what she tells you. By resisting the urge to charge full speed ahead, you are
doing your part to facilitate her eventual acceptance.
4. Her feelings about your crossdressing may fluctuate according to how she feels about herself. The
more confident and self-assured a woman is, the less likely she is to feel threatened by her partner’s
feminine side. But no woman feels good about herself all the time. A woman’s emotional resilience can
vary wildly with the circumstances she finds herself in. A fight with her mother, a conflict with her boss,
an insensitive comment from a co-worker, or even a bad hair day can temporarily make her feel insecure.
When she is in this frame of mind, she may become overly sensitive to things that previously did not bother
her, and old fears that were seemingly resolved may come back to haunt her. Where your crossdressing is
concerned, she may find that she is suddenly uncomfortable with aspects of it that were acceptable before.
This is not the time to remind her that she had no problem with this same thing the last time you did it.
Instead, try to find out why she feels differently now. It could be that she just needs some reassurance
from you. After her mood improves, chances are that her former feelings will return.
page 37
By Marla Morley
As you can see, acceptance is not a straightforward progression for most women. The process can be
likened to the movement of a pendulum, swinging back and forth. Instead of seeing these swings as
setbacks, I encourage you to see them as signs of growth and progress. It may take months or even years
before the pendulum stops swinging, but with your support, your partner will ultimately work through
these stages and resolve her painful emotions. Life will never be the same as it was before, but you know
what? It could be even better!
© Marla Morley 2005
page 38
My First Time Out
By Tonya Smith
In 2001, I had been dressing and taking pictures of
myself and others for a few years. I had even had a
“makeup lesson” in downtown Philadelphia with an
experienced TG woman who gave me many good tips
and helped improve my application methods and told
me of some better products to use as well. It was in
the summer/fall of 2001 that I thought my look, at
least as far as makeup was concerned was coming
together. I could do a dramatic look for a night out if I
wanted, and learned how to tone it down for a day
out, or if my wildest dreams ever came true, a look I
could use for work.
I had always had a pretty good fashion sense, and loved to look at Vogue, Glamour and other magazines
for the latest trends and figured out how to make the trends work on my figure. I knew what I looked best
in and had been practicing female mannerisms for quite a while. I had a few minor outdoor excursions,
but always in a controlled atmosphere. Things such as trips to my wig store, which is a very private small
store in southern NJ, and dressing to drive around and get used to driving in heels, and things of that
nature. However, I had never really been out to anyplace where there was a fear of running into anyone
who might “out” me. (with the exception of a couple construction workers outside my wig shop!) I had
not been to the mall shopping at this point, nor had I been to any restaurants or places like that. That is
when, perhaps, the luckiest thing ever to happen to me could have happened. A national organization
related to what I do for a living, was holding their annual conference in San Francisco, California.
The group for which I worked was given two slots at the conference for an all expense paid trip to San
Francisco to attend the conference. Now, there are 70 people in my group and nearly all of us wanted to
go. All our names were dropped in a hat. Now, I had never even won a 50/50 drawing or any lottery of
any kind, so I knew my chances were slim. But, low and behold, my name was the first to be drawn from
the hat. A very nice lady with whom I work was the 2nd to be drawn. I couldn’t believe it! I was going
to San Francisco! The trip was scheduled for March of 2002. I had 4 months to plan how I was going to
get my things out to San Francisco.
page 39
My First Time Out … Continued
By Tonya Smith
You see, I am married, and my wife does not know that Tonya (aside
from Halloween) exists. I hatched a plan to send my makeup and
some clothes and shoes and a couple wigs out to the hotel, so that it
would be there when I arrived, which is what I did. I figured I
would have to buy some items out there, and heard that San
Francisco was a great shopping town anyway. I was staying in the
heart of downtown, at the Westin St. Francis, in Union Square.
The conference was also at the same hotel. I was so excited that I
even bought some nice lingerie to sleep in, as I could finally let
Tonya be Tonya for an extended period of time.
I got on line right away and started to chat with other girls in the San Francisco area and found a nice
group of people who I got to know on-line and were waiting for me to arrive in March. I scoped out the
nightlife on line and knew the places I wanted to go visit as Tonya. When I got to the hotel, my package
from home was handed to me and I was on my way. I made a phone call to a girl named Michelle who I
had met on-line, and let her know I had arrived in town. She said that her and a bunch of girls were going
to a club called Diva’s that night, and she would pick me up at the hotel. I gave her my room number and
then headed out, in boy mode, to pick up the remainder of the items I needed. I needed some new lipstick
and of course a nice perfume to wear and some hair clips and hairspray and stuff like that. I hurried back
to my room about 6 pm and began to get ready for my big night out. I showered, shaved fully, even my
arms! I was so excited I could barely keep myself from shaking as I applied eyeliner and all the rest of my
makeup. I really took my time, as I did not want to look like a crossdresser, but rather, a normal girl on her
way out for a nice night. My makeup looked very classy and nice, and as I put on the new blonde wig I
had purchased just for this occasion, my look suddenly came together.
page 40
By Tonya Smith
I pulled on some black pantyhose and my black leather, knee length skirt,
and the very tasteful plum and purple top, which I had bought for the trip
as well. The dark colors against the blonde wig looked really cute. Finally, I
pulled on my Chinese Laundry, knee high boots and put on the silver jewelry
and the look was complete. Tonya was ready to face the world, ( or at least
Northern California!) for the first time. I put on a long length, button up
sweater coat I had purchased in town, and put my ID and some cash into
the purse I had also just purchased and I was ready to go. I was just
waiting for Michelle to come to my room. Suddenly, right at 8:30, the
phone rang. It was Michelle, and she was in her car, down the street, at
the corner. She explained that parking was going to be impossible and that
I should come down to meet her! “Oh my God” I thought, I have to walk
out of my room, go to the elevator and out through the lobby of this huge
hotel, ALONE!!
But, I didn’t have time to ponder, she was in a no parking zone and I needed to hurry. I grabbed my purse
and peeked out my door….the coast was clear…I hurried to the elevator. The door opened, and to my
surprise, the thing was empty! I hopped in and pushed the “Lobby” button. Down I went, and to my
surprise, didn’t stop at another floor, even though I was on the top level of the hotel. The elevator hit the
lobby level and the door opened. There were about 5 people waiting to get on. My throat became dry and I
started to shake a bit. They knew I was a guy, they would certainly laugh. Then, they parted so I could
get through, just like you would for anyone. I looked at their faces, and to my surprise, I got no strange
looks! They just smiled, or did nothing and let me go past. One thing I have learned is that I am my own
worst critic. No matter how good I think I look there is always a part of me that thinks the whole world
is going to point and laugh. Well, I got past the elevator people and had the whole lobby to navigate.
Trying to remember my femme walk and to keep my shoulders back, but relaxed and to take smaller steps, I
began my journey through the crowded lobby, to the large front doors of this gorgeous hotel. To my
amazement, I got no weird looks or laughter. I calmly walked to the front door, where the doorman kindly
opened the door for me and said, “have a nice night ma’am” I smiled and said “thanks” and continued.
page 41
By Tonya Smith
OK, I, navigated the hotel, now it was time for the street.
Holding my purse close with one hand, and the other in the
pocket of my sweater coat, I began to walk down the street as
calmly and womanly as I could, to the corner where Michelle
said she was parked. I realized that walking in heels on
concrete is much different than walking in them on a carpet in
a hotel room, but it was fun, and Tonya was in her glory. As
I got to the corner, I did not see the car she had described, and
the light was red. Crap! I had to wait for the light to change
with about 20 people all clustered around me. Again, no one
looked or stared, or seemed to care. Suddenly, I felt this
feeling of calm come over me. “This is my kinda town” I
thought. As the light changed and I followed the crowd of
people across the street, I suddenly heard a voice calling out
“Tonya!!” and there was Michelle at the other corner, waiting
for me. She was just as her picture looked.
She was very cute, and had told me she had been living en femme for a few years now. I jumped in her car
and met another friend, Kim and we were on our way to Diva’s. We parked on the street nearby, and
walked into the entrance of the club. It was a T-girl hangout, so I knew I would be safe there. We paid
our fee to get in, and a really nice looking Asian transgendered girl commented on how much she liked my
boots, I thanked her, made some small talk and headed to the bar, as Tonya, really needed a drink! I
ordered my rum and coke and the group of us headed to the dance floor on the first level of the club. It
wasn’t crowded so it was a good time to try out dancing in heels! It was fun, but took some practice to be
convincing as a woman. There was a mirror all around the floor, so I could watch myself, and it really
helped. The dim light really made us all look pretty, and we just looked like a bunch of girlfriends on the
dance floor. I finally saw what I must look like to the rest of the world. And to my surprise, I was not
horrified. We all danced a few songs and then they wanted to show me the rest of the club. The 2nd level
had a fireplace with several couches around it, a pool table and another bar. I ordered another drink and
sat down on the couch with Michelle and the other girls. It was here that I met Melinda, who, I would
end up hanging out with the rest of my time and having a really nice conversation with. We ended up
shooting some pool, great fun in heels and long nails by the way. It was a fun night, with many girls
stopping by to see me and wanting to meet “Jersey Girl” who was in town.
page 42
By Tonya Smith
Melinda and I continued to talk about my situation and
she shared her story with me as well. After many drinks
and long talks, we decided it was time to get me home to
my hotel. She offered to give me a ride home and Michelle
knew I was in safe hands so I said goodbye to her. We
would meet again in a few nights anyway at the “Tranny
Shack”. Melinda and I went to the coat check and got
our coats and waited for a few of her friends to come out.
That is when, I experienced being “hit on” for the first
time in public, as Tonya. Two Mexican men were waiting
in the club lobby and started to tell Melinda and I how
beautiful we were and that they would like to take us out
for drinks and then take us home. I have to say, I was
not attracted or interested in that at all, but I was
flattered! We kindly told them we had to get up early or
something, which was not entirely a lie, and said
goodnight to them. They seemed disappointed, but were
very polite and let us through. Melinda’s car was a few
blocks away, so we had to hike up a hilly street, in our
heels, to her car. My feet were really starting to ache at
this point, even thought I considered the boots I was
wearing to be pretty comfortable. We were greeted by
some whistles from passersby, but other than that, we
walked through the crowds to her car.
She gave me a ride to the front door of the hotel lobby, which was now deserted, and I walked through
with a large sense of accomplishment and pride, that I had pulled off my first night with no incidents. I
walked by the night clerk, who said, “Good night, Miss” and I smiled and waved and said “good night” in
the most feminine voice I could muster. I would meet Melinda the following night at her house. She and
I dressed up again, and went to a martini bar, where there were several more girls in her circle of friends
waiting. Including a girl named Mikala, who oddly, was profiled on the Discovery Health Channel one
night, for her transition from male to female.
page 43
By Tonya Smith
Of course I wanted to shout out that I knew her, but
had to bite my tongue! We talked and drank all
night, and even ran into a group of genetic girls who
were most interested in hearing why we do what we
do. My last night in the City was my “Big Night”
out. A night where outrageous clothes were not only
OK, but encouraged! It was the Tuesday night show
at the Tranny Shack. Michelle met me at my hotel
after my work conference had ended for the day. She
suggested, since it was early, that we dress, do some
shopping and then have dinner before getting ready to
go out.
I had a nice long black skirt and black pumps with a nice blouse to wear, and thought I would fit in with
the business crowd with that, so I happily said “Yes”. We spent the afternoon at Macy’s, and several
other stores. We tried to have dinner at a place called “Asia?” (I think that is the name) where the
waitresses are all CD’s or Transgender girls, and the food is great. However, they were fully booked and
we could not get in, so we settled on a quiet little diner where we could talk. I was amazed of the lack of
attention we brought to ourselves. Michelle explained the very accepting atmosphere of San Francisco and
that they are so used to seeing girls like us, it doesn’t really effect anyone anymore. We ate and headed
back to the room to change. I had a black pleated miniskirt, tan thigh highs, a red tank top and sheer black
blouse picked out for the night, along with some very strappy, red, leg wrap type sandals with a clear heel
and low (1/2 “ ) platform. I glammed up my makeup a little from the afternoon version, with some pretty,
dark red lipstick, and some highlighter on my cheeks and browbones, and gave myself a shot of perfume,
added a few bangles and rings and was ready to go. Michelle went in a leather skirt and boots and nice
blouse. Again, we had to leave the hotel, but this time, we looked way more “over the top”. The elevator
was empty though, and we got off the elevator, went out a side entrance and hailed a cab, with no one
really giving us a second look. I have to say, I felt really pretty, and actually sexy!
page 44
By Tonya Smith
The mid-thigh skirt and nice tan legs and red strappy
heels really was a great combination and showed off
what I always thought was my best asset, my legs.
We got to the Tranny Shack and went in and it was
packed with all kinds of girls. genetic girls, lesbians,
straight girls, straight and gay guys and lots and lots
of CD’s and Transgender girls and all the girls I had
met a few nites before, including Melinda and Mikala.
This was the best! There was a funny tranny show up
on the stage, and lots of dancing. I met a nice lesbian
couple who I danced with most of the night. I have to
say that after 3 days in heels, my feet were killing me,
but I didn’t care. I had all the time in the world to
recover.
After a long night of partying, sadly it was time to go. Michelle drove me to my hotel. She and I hugged,
and said goodnight. I couldn’t believe what a great time I had had all week. The next day, I was so sad,
that I actually cried as I packed. I knew that Tonya’s time to herself had come to an end and I had to
return home. From that time on, I knew that I would not be afraid to go out as Tonya once I returned to
Philadelphia. I have been out many times to stores, since that time. Getting out at night is tough as I
have a family, they still do not know of my other life as Tonya. If you decide to go out en femme, please
do yourself a favor, and do not go alone the first time. Take a another CD with you, or another guy or
woman if you wish. It makes it so much more fun, and much less stressful. Plus it gives you someone to
make eye contact with besides the people you will be passing on the street or in stores. Most of all, be
confident and act like you know exactly what you are doing, even if you don’t think you look your best, or
think you are passable. After all, what do you care what a stranger thinks? Salespeople in stores care
even less, they just want your money, and they don’t care that you are a crossdresser or transgendered
person. You will never see them again anyway. And most of all, if you get the chance to visit a liberal
city like San Francisco, please go, you will LOVE it. Contact me and I can help you find some contacts
out there to show you around that great city
page 45
Coming Out To My Sister (a true story)
By Abby
I had been debating this internally for months. My sister is my only
sibling and had known about my femme desires when I was a very
young boy (not thereafter). We had often put on lipstick together with
her friends (she's almost three years older than I) and other makeup as
well. In addition, she was there when, one Halloween eve when I was
about 7 or 8, my mother answered my question about what I should
wear to the upcoming party with, "What about your blue dress?" (of
course, I had no such dress nor, to my knowledge, did my mother know
about my crossdressing).
Thus, my sister was in the position to remember these events and might also shed some light on what my
parents knew about my dressing. On the other hand, my wife was adamantly opposed. She distrusted my
sister's being able to keep this a secret and cautioned me against it. I knew that my wife is always opposed
when it comes to liberating Abby and I also knew that my sister loved me and was very open-minded. I
was in the midst of doing many things as Abby and longed for the love and support of somebody important
to me in my real life. Yet, I knew there were risks.
I asked my sister to come to my office (as opposed to doing this in a public place), told her that she knew
things about my childhood that might be very helpful to me and ordered in lunch. I left us plenty of time.
First, I asked her about what was happening in her life and there were plenty of issues. Letting my
sister unburden was not unusual for us because I have always been helpful to my sister and like being
supportive to her. It has always been very rare (if it ever happened) that I required her support.
Psychologically, I was going to shift that equation markedly very soon.
I started by telling her that she was the only person who could help me understand some very important
issues from my childhood and that I had something very important to share with her that I had kept secret
all my life. She immediately interrupted and said, "Let me guess." She wondered if I had been molested as a
child by either of our parents and I answered that she was way off. She then denied that anything like
that had happened to her. She pondered for awhile and then looked at me quizzically and asked,
" Are you gay?" I answered, "No, but you're a lot closer." Again, a pregnant pause.
page 46
Coming Out To My Sister (a true story) … Continued
By Abby
Finally, she said,
"Do you want to be a woman?" I responded, "Sort of. I'm transgendered and always have been." I
proceeded to tell her all about my secret life since earliest childhood (for those interested in more, please
consult my website: abbys-heavenly-haven.com). Disappointingly, she couldn't recall anything at all about
those times we put on makeup, didn't know at all if my parents knew anything and said they never
discussed it with her. She told me repeatedly that she loved me, hugged and kissed me and told me she
would even love me as a sister if that's where I was heading. She said she'd be happy to go out with me
when I was Abby and would come to Balls and events whenever she could. She was curious to meet my
Tgirlfriends and thought it would be fun. I was so happy, I had tears in my eyes. It was all I could ever
had hoped for. Finally, I turned to her and said "What is this going to mean for our relationship? After
all, I've always been your support. I've always been your rock. What will I be now to you?" Again, a
pregnant pause and, then simultaneously we both said, " A rockette!"
Love,
Abby
page 47
PinkEssence,
a TG group for all TG's who want to
come out and find friends.
- By Leigh Smythe, a Minnesota TG
I would like to acquaint you all with a group that is growing and building, mainly, in the United States,
but may go further. My friend, Chloe Prince has had some success building a social organization of TGs
that go out to public places like theaters, plays, large malls, and other locations for the purpose of
socializing together, building friendships and having fun. The starter group has been in Ohio, but Chloe
has started to set up chapters all over the country and Canada, and Mexico. This group is called
PinkEssence.
You can connect with the national group by going to PinkEssence. com
England has had more liberated attitudes for quite some time now,
but in the United States, our experience is mixed. Some states are
doing well at protecting the rights of TG and Intersexed people,
whereas, some are not.
Very recent cases like that of Julie Nemecek, a Michigan Professor
at Spring Arbor College, and Susan Stanton, the city manager of
Largo, Florida, are leading the way to making the public aware of
Transgender issues. Nemecek and her wife are readjusting their
lives to continue this by meeting with State legislators, and, in
May, participating in a DC rally and congressional
briefings. Stanton has lost his fight for his job as city
administrator in a hearing with the city counsel on the 23rd of
March, but is considering a lawsuit to redress his wrongful
termination. Hundreds showed up and many register to testify and
most testified into 1 AM on his behalf. With only a few dissenters,
the Same 5 council members voted to start termination proceedings,
showing that the process of listening to any realistic assessments of
his situation was a sham all along.
page 48
PinkEssence … Continued
Although the Stanto case is blatantly clear to be discrimination, its is questionable that a favorable
outcome may be obtained. The only district federal court that has been supportive of title 7 cases is up
north and there is no precedent in her federal district. We can only hope that a firing this clearly
discriminatory will set one.
I would assert that our "time" is coming. With upstanding people like these two, leading the headlines,
PinkEssence is trying to bring transgendered out of the closets, and away from the traditional "safe"
GLBT clubs, to places where the general public is. The goal is to provide a solid friendship network and
throw out our fears and join the general population. We are important in our own right and should not
be relegated to just GLBT places or our traditional hiding places.
Chloe has been working this effort for a while and has gotten a very strong camaraderie. The January
Girl's Night Out had over 60 people and a live band. Recently, over 50 people attended a GNO in Akron,
OH. Chapters in other states are recruiting girls and will be setting up GNO's in their areas soon.
I am the Social coordinator of the Minnesota Chapter. I am looking to find Transgendered in Minnesota
who might like to join us. We are using the yahoo groups just as a means to communicate our nights out
and the notes and messages and pictures of our get togethers
If there are any Minnesota girls here, who may want to join us, please check out the link below. The link
to the Minnesota group is:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PinkEssence_MN/
If any of you have an interest in looking into a group in your state, or learning about this
organization, check out this link:
http://www.PinkEssence.com
page 49
PinkEssence … Continued
Our Founder, Chloe Prince has stated:
"The #1 Goal of PinkEssence is to condition and
educate the general population of the Transgender
community via our presence out in the general public!
Everything else is a side effect… i.e.: having fun,
GNO,s people coming out of the closest.. etc etc."
Additional goals of the group are:
a). We want to get out to places that are nice and
ideal for talking and getting to know each other, like
restaurants for dinner, then to clubs or other places for
fun and friendship. We are not looking for GLBT only
types of places. We are looking for places that the
"normal"
population attends. We're not about challenge, but not
about hiding either! We are just people who want to
each, enjoy each others company, build friendships, and
do it anywhere that seems compatible to those ideas.
b). We want to help and pave the way for those sisters of us that have not been comfortable with
presenting in a general population. The only way to do that is to accompany them. There is safety in
numbers. Comfort in numbers. Nerves can be overcome when we can walk in together and reinforce our
bravery!
In the Minnesota group, we have almost 80 members. We are growing and looking forward to getting out
for nights of fun and friendship. We will get together at least monthly from now on.
I believe this organization will grow and add to our Transgender experiences. I hope anyone who wishes
to find friends among other TGs and get out to have some fun just like everyone else can, will look into the
PinkEssence groups.
Your TG friend,
Leigh Smythe
page 50
Unforgettable Faces
(Contouring and Blush)
by Carol Deanna
Contouring and Blush
Hey girls……thank you for all the mails its been a great response and I am so glad I could help you out
with some of these tricks and tips. This month we are going to go over 3 steps and pull the basics of
creating the flawless face. So far we have covered skin care, foundation and beard cover. This month we
are going to focus on contouring and blush.
What is contouring and why should I use it……it sounds hard? Believe it or not contouring can make
all the difference in the world and really soften and feminize the face. The reasoning behind this is our eyes
are like cameras and focus on light and dark. If we apply a slightly darker shade to different areas our eyes
perceive a different shape thru creating an illusion of a softer more feminine shaped face. This is a trick a
number of make up artist and lighting experts have used in film and tv giving an actor a more rugged look
or softening the leading lady. This step does take some practice to achieve but is well worth the effort, and
please don’t expect to get it right on the very first time
To start with you will need a shade of color 2 darker then your skin or foundation tone, eye shadow or
body blush work great for this. The first are you want to shade is the temple directly beside the eye
towards the top of the ear. Apply a liberal amount of powder and blend out in circular motion. Having a
darker center and progressing lighter about 1 to ½ inches out. This will give the illusion of a narrower
temple area . For the second area we want to go directly under the cheekbone and shade back towards the
ear in an upward motion. You don’t want to use a lot of powder or go that far down as it will deform the
face. Use a good angular brush to help achieve this look. The reason behind this is to create an illusion of
a higher cheek bone and to round out the face a bit. The third step is to soften the jawbone by shading
down the jaw line and sweeping it under the chin. For this step you do not want to use a lot of powder
just a small amount as you do not want to heavily define the jaw line ……remember soft and feminine.
page 51
Unforgettable Faces
(Contouring and Blush)
… Continued
by Carol Deanna
There are a few other areas you can shade and I do recommend you practice with the first three before
attempting these other areas. You can shade the chin, the sides of the nose, under the chin to hide any
excess flesh as males do tend to have more down there. Remember every girl is different and every make up
is a piece of art, so some might like doing this others might not again as I always default back to our first
rule. In make up there are no rules !!!!
Great product to use are light brown eye shadows from MAC, Haut Appeal, or Make up Forever, they
have great pigment and blending capabilities and should last most of the night with little or no touch up.
Alright we are on to blush a very simple step but can go oh so wrong if you are not careful. First thing you
want to do is chose between a cream or powder blush. Cream blush is a great product and used before you
POWDER the face. The pigment is rich and needs to be applied in smaller amount to reach the desired
level of intensity. Once applied it is next to impossible to remove so if you put to much on you are starting
over. This type of blush is best applied with your fingers as you have more control and brushes just do not
apply it that well.
Powder blush is by far the most common but does tend to fade thru out the night and might need to be
reapplied several times during the day or night. It’s best to start with powder before tackling the cream
blush. The general application is by making a great smile and applying it to the apple of the cheek and
blending it out in circular motion. The general rule of thumb …. Not to close to the eyes, not to close to
the nose, and not to close to the ears. Unless you are going for that famous 80 racing strip look. Other then
that the sky’s the limit let your imagination run wild.
Next month we will cover brushes and what they are used for , Mineral Make Up what is and why
should I use it? As well I would like to have some girls write in and ask any question you might have or if
you are having a problem maybe I can help.
Until next time girls remember to practice and you can email me directly at [email protected] or on
yahoo add me jyslincdr.
Best Wishes
Carol Deanna
www.weaveofdreams.com
page 52
http://www.genderevolve.com
The following is a publication found on GenderEvolve. My thanks to Michele
Angelique for her permission to use valuable TG information found on
GenderEvolve!
Signs
By Brianna Austin
Not a day went by that in the last five years that I didn’t recognize and evaluate my life as a TG. My
most profound insights came from getting out and intermingling with all types of people, gay, straight,
trans, and tourists – they deserve a category of their own, don’t they? Gaining clarity is not solely from
how people interact with us, but rather how we interact with them - in our varying degrees of
presentation. Did I act or feel different with people depending on whether I presented myself as male or
female? The observations aided me in learning about “who I am,” as a person in general, and as a
transgender person in particular .
Most of us seem to have begun the gender discovery journey down the same path. Along the way we rejoice
that first day when we realize that there are others in the world just like us: we're not alone! Yet in large
numbers it becomes more apparent that "they" are sometimes “not the same as me.” Like most things in life
there are varieties to everything, even transgender people. So while we as trans-people can can barely
comprehend ourselves as a group, the mainstream is totally lost when looking at the many branches of the
gender tree. So, how can one know who they are or where they fit on that tree? First, it is important to
understand that you don't have to "be" any certain way, or fit into any certain space. Unfortunately, most
people, both in and outside the community get lost if the box that we supposedly belong to isn't outlined in
chalk. My own journey has taken me from one end of the gender spectrum to the other, in and out of
various boxes, and for me, although the discovery part of the journey was difficult, the knowing part was
harder.
page 53
Signs … continued
By Brianna Austin
What I mean by that is that once you find the answers to the questions you seek, there is no more
exploration needed; only for you to make a decision on how to live the rest of your life, based upon that
which you have come to know. If the gender journey was a highway we would all recognize many of the
stops; “fetish lane,” “Cross Dresser Ave.” “Gender Fluid Parkway,” and Transsexual Road.” And although
I got off at the last exit, the gender journey isn’t really a roadway at all; it’s a maze, that when you first
enter doesn’t appear to have any clear directional signs.
But when you look at the obvious from a slightly tilted perspective, you begin to see things you walked
right past at an earlier time. You may be able to make some distinctions based upon what you like to do,
but that doesn’t necessarily represent who you are. Discovering who you are is a deeper journey, one that
you may or many not want to make. Discovering who you “are” is complicated by the fact that the lines
are blurred and at the same time you are often trying to untangle your sexual orientation as well. “Am I a
straight man that likes to cross dress, a gay man in denial, a lesbian, or am I attracted to men because I’m
a straight woman”? There are as many combinations as there is imagination, and the deeper you go the
more complicated it becomes. So, one might ask, “How do I find my way”?
Since we emulate -- or in some cases feel we are – woman, we should follow their example. When they find
themselves in an unfamiliar place they simply stop, ask directions, and then follow the posted signs.
Throughout the maze there are many people to talk to, and signs to follow. But, like any one taking a
survey can attest to, the answers you get are only as good as the questions you ask.
Some people aren’t really looking for the truth, but they are looking instead to validate the fantasy they’re
chasing. If you are not open to the truth of who you are and not willing to go where ever that path leads,
then odds are you won’t see any of the signs along the way. But, if you are open, then there are signs
everywhere. No doubt some of you have had, or thought about having, sex with men. Of those that do,
many will state that they only enjoy men “as a woman,” therefore they are straight. Sometimes people can
get so caught up in the label being “straight,” or “gay” that they miss the substance and significance of
what any of it means. If you are engaging in sexual activity then you should be asking yourself what it is
that you’re enjoying about it. Are you trying to “feel” more female by emulating what woman do? Are you
enjoying the sexual act – detached from the role it represents? Have you engaged in sexual activity with a
woman when you were emulating one? And if not, why? And if so, then why do you need or want to have
sex with men?
page 54
Signs … continued
By Brianna Austin
Other thoughts would include analyzing your attraction to woman. Do you want to be with them in a
lustful way, or do they simply catch your eye and make you feel fuzzy inside because you appreciate and
want to be them? Surprisingly, differentiating between the two is not as easy as it sounds. When you are
in a relationship with a woman, do you find yourself critiquing her? Always checking out her clothes, her
movements, or her physical attributes: face, lips, legs, rear or shoulders? Perhaps you are living vicariously
through her, because in some way she is who you believe you are (as a woman) or want to be.
These are questions that can last for years, and require repeated investigation to find an answer. What
was true yesterday may have changed with time and experience. Many times getting to the core of your
sexual orientation can actually help you determine your gender identity. When you concentrate your mind
on one thing, often clarity can suddenly appear for another. When you finally do get all the answers about
yourself, then you will be faced with the hardest part, “What do I do about it?
As always, be happy, be safe, and think pretty.
page 55
TG-Friendly Places To Go
Ok, you’re a TGirl and you want to go out as a girl, but want to go to a TG-friendly place.
Here are some suggestions offered by our members. We take no responsibility regarding the
places listed, but they are or have been known to be accepting of TGirls.
This is in process with places to be listed in future editions. If
you know of places in the U.S. that are TG-friendly, please let
me know at [email protected] Thanks!
State
Name
Address
Phone
CT
The Polo Club
678 Maple Ave. Hartford
860-278-333
CT
Chez Est
458 Wethersfield
Ave. - Hartford
860-525-3243
CT
Triangles Cafe
66 Sugar Hollow
Rd. - Danbury
203-798-6996
http://www.triangles
cafe.com
MA
Friend’s Landing
85 Water St. Haverhill
978-374-9400
http://www.friendslanding.com
MA
Jacques
79 Broadway St. Boston
617-426-8902
http://www.jacquesc
abaret.com
MA
Manray
21 Brookline St. Cambridge
617-964-0400
http://www.manrayc
lub.com
NH
Amanda Thomas
Boutique
135 State Route
101A, Carriage
Depot Plaza,
Amherst
603-595-9447
http://www.amandat
homasboutique.com
OH
Designs by Victoria
5712 Detroit Ave. Cleveland
216-961-7324
Clothing store and
hosts TG parties
OH
Somewhere Else
1312 S. Highland
St. - Columbus
614-443-4300
Hosts Miss TGirl
Ohio contest
Website/Comments
page 56
Transgendered Conferences and Getaways
Ok, you’re a TGirl and you want to go out as a girl and be part of the community. Here is a
listing of some of the conferences and getaways available that are designed for TGirls! We
take no responsibility regarding the places listed, but they are or have been known to be
designed for and accepting of TGirls.
This is in process with more conferences to be listed in future
editions. If you know of conferences/getaways that are TGfriendly, please let me know at [email protected]
Thanks!
Date
Name
Location
Website
1/17/07
First Event
Burlington, MA
http://www.tcne.org/FE2007.html
1/27/07
TGSF Cotillion/Annual
Debutante Ball
San Francisco,
CA
http://www.tgsf.org/events/cotillio
n.html
2/22/07
Colorado Gold Rush
Denver, CO
http://www.gicofcolo.org/cgr/
4/11/07
Transgender 2007
Philadelphia, PA
http:://www.transeventsusa.org/ifg
e/index.shtml
4/19/07
California Dreamin
San Jose, CA
http://www.california-dreamin.org/
4/23/07
Diva Las Vegas
Las Vegas, NV
http://www.geekbabe.com/dlv/
4/25/07
Eureka En-Femme
Getaway
Eureka Springs,
AK
http://www.femmegetaway.com/in
dex.html
5/13/07
Esprit
Port Angeles,
WA
http://www.espritconf.com/index.p
hp
5/29/07
Be-All
Chicago, IL
http://www.be-all.org/
page 57
Transgendered Conferences and Getaways … continued
Ok, you’re a TGirl and you want to go out as a girl and be part of the community. Here is a
listing of some of the conferences and getaways available that are designed for TGirls! We
take no responsibility regarding the places listed, but they are or have been known to be
designed for and accepting of TGirls.
This is in process with more conferences to be listed in future
editions. If you know of conferences/getaways that are TGfriendly, please let me know at [email protected]
Thanks!
Date
Name
Location
Website
6/22/07
Sparkle
Manchester, UK
http://www.sparkle.org.uk/sparkle_
2007.htm
9/11/07
Southern Comfort
Conference
Atlanta. GA
http://www.sccatl.org/
October
Defying Gravity
Conference
Louisville, KY
http://www.transfamilydefyinggrav
ity.net/programming.htm
October
Fantasia Fair
Provincetown,
MA
http://www.fantasiafair.org/home/i
ndex.htm
October
GLBTIQ Conference
Worcester, MA
http://www.transcendingboundarie
s.org/
November
Tri Ess Holiday EnFemme
Varies
http://www.geocities.com/tri_ess_n
e/
November
Lake Erie Gala
Erie, PA
http://www.eriesisters.org/
November
Fall Harvest
Omaha, NE
http://www.fallharvest.net/
page 58
Upcoming TG Events
http://www. masquerade.ca/
Located in "Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada",
we are a Social Club for Crossdressers, the Transgendered, and their
Wives/Girlfriends! Where...
- BOYS have FUN being GIRLS!! -
page 59
Upcoming TG Events
http://www.trans-mission.org
The owners of the Masque Bar Barbican, are in dispute with their landlords and until this is resolved they
are unable to open the premises. We found this out at 4pm on Saturday 3 March, just 5 hours before we
were due to open for our March party.
As a result we have had to abandon our March party and all future Trans-MISSION events are
SUSPENDED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE until the situation has been rectified - whether at the
existing venue or possibly at a new one, as our faith in the existing Masque Bar management has been
sorely tested.
We apologize unreservedly for this. Whilst the problems which have occurred are beyond our control, we
do feel responsible for those of you who support and patronize our parties and assure you that we are
doing everything we can to rectify the situation. Please bare with us and stay tuned to Trans-MISSION
for the latest updates.
page 60
Upcoming TG Events
http://www.femmefever.com
April 12, 2007
April 12: 8pm - 12am FemmeFever Party! Private Party; CD's, TG's, TS's, S/O's & Admirers. NOT
open to the public - very discreet and safe! Great People, Bar Service, Full Hot Buffet, Dancing, Contests,
DJ, Prizes, etc. Always GREAT turnout! Pre-party reduced makeovers by appointment. Come
drab/dressed/change there 7pm on. Always a FUN, Friendly, Discreet, well attended PARTY! @
Characters Private Party Room: 419 Great East Neck Road - West Babylon front & rear parking w own
entrances to our private party room. (in case you get lost only 631-661-3234 ). Bar next door LOVES us as well - Very friendly location! For Party Information or to RSVP: EMAIL
[email protected] or Call: 516-520-0380. Join us, we always have a great time! $25 pay there.
Directions/hotels w your rsvp. No theme this month - wear what you like!
page 61
Advertisements and Opportunities
Want to advertise your TG-friendly store, service, club, group, or your own personal items here?
There is NO charge for this … just email the editor [email protected] .
http://Glamourboutique.com
http://Glamourboutiquewest.com
The Glamour Boutique is a terrific TG store. The original retail location is in Auburn, MA and
now has a Las Vegas retail locations! You can also order online. Can’t say enough about this lovely
store! A discount is available to Pretty TGirls members and to visitors of my personal website!
http://Crazy4clipons.com
Crazy 4 Clipons is a terrific online place to discreetly buy clip on earrings at a very reasonable price.
They have a large variety to choose from and love to have TG customers! A discount is available to
Pretty TGirls members and to visitors of my personal website!
http://www.FemmeFever.com
FemmeFever : Karen has developed a wonderful site and TG resource! Along with coordinating many
TG events in the lower NY area, she has a store full of shopping opportunities online.
page 62
Austin’s Angels … by Jamie Austin
I can’t say enough really terrific things about Jamie. Simply put, he works wonders. Careful
though, he has done such a wonderful job that several girls have seen how wonderfully beautiful
they can be that they have become full time girls! Jamie offers several different makeover
packages … well worth every penny girls !
http://www.austinsangels.com
http://www. countessascloset.com
This is a fabulous place for GG’s and TGirls alike. Countessa is a GG, former model, and a
terrific supporter of the Transgendered Community ! There is an online store and a physical
location in Studio City, California. More to follow about this great Lady and her offerings.
page 63
http://www.weaveofdreams.com
Weave of Dreams
is a terrific is a very new online TG store carrying many items for us
Tgirls.It is run by Carol Deanna. It is worth the visit !
AngelWings Designs by Mary Beth
You really should checkout Mary Beth’s
products. She hand sews everything and has
lovely lingerie items and dresses, plus she is a doll
and very supportive of us TGirls !
http://www.angelwingsdesigns.com
page 64
http://dspace.dial.pipex.com/hide.sleek/hs_menu.htm
Hide and Sleek
is a wonderful online shop with 2 physical store locations in Scotland as well.
Owned and run by Loraine (a gg) and also sponsors the Miss TV Scotland pageant every year.
page 65
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page 68

Pretty TGirls Magazine

Transcription

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