Volume 17 Issue 9 September 15, 2015

Precious Blood Ministry of Reconciliation
Volume 17 Issue 9 September 15, 2015
Page 2
MAKING CHOICES
Making Choices
Kolbe House at Assumption
2434 S. California Ave.
Chicago, IL 60608
Publisher
Kolbe House Catholic
Jail Ministry
Editorial Team
Fr. Dave Kelly
Lamonte Lay
Making Choices
Combines the voices of those who are
incarcerated at Cook County Juvenile
Temporary Detention Center, Cook County
Jail and institutions throughout the state.
It is published as a means to give a voice
to those who wish to speak out.
It is a project of Kolbe House,
the Catholic Jail Ministry of the Archdiocese of Chicago and
Precious Blood
Ministry of Reconciliation
Nobody
By Jacob Thompson
NWCX Tiptonville, TN
Nobody knows me, just my
name.
You’ll never know my hurt, you’ll
never feel my pain.
Take the time to understand and
don’t be prejudice.
Because maybe if you take the
time to understand and see,
you might just have a better
understanding of me.
Like even as a kid I had it hard.
No Thanksgiving, no Christmas,
not even a birthday card.
With no mother, or father, what
can I say,
I did my best just trying to make
it from day to day.
But I keep on pushing, no matter
the cost, because in the end, it’s
what you kept not what you lost.
What I’ll hold on to until my dying
day.
If I ever have a kid he’ll have a
father to pave the way.
Someone to lean on when times
are hard, because life’s not a
single man’s fight, not by far.
We’ve got to stand together and
stay strong.
Giving that supportive helping
hand where it belongs.
This is my spoken word never
assume just ask,
because nobody knows me, just
my name.
You’ll never know my hurt
you’ll never feel my pain.
Page 3
VOLUME 17, ISSUE 10
Poetry
from within
the walls
Status Quo
By Fidel Castro
Mt. Sterling
Mass incarceration
No rehabilitation.
A lot of good brothers and sisters
locked up in a failed prison system.
100 percent time equals 100 percent
profit for those who invest in the
prison stock market.
Tax payers get the bill, 80 billion a
year. Who says crime don’t pay?
Modern day slavery, warehousing
those who commit a felony.
One day most of us eventually will
make it out. Too old and broken
down. We all need to do our part and
have your people call the governor to
stand on prison reform!
Libertad!
My life at Pontiac C.C.
By Manuel M.
Pontiac C.C.
8:00 am. I wake up looking at my
cement ceiling at Pontiac C.C.,
N-H 541 Phase 1 A-D.
A lot of light comes in through
this front window on the flag.
I’m bored, so I start counting my
bricks in my cell, my count is
294, what a life.
I can’t sleep late. First thing I do
is check on my watch, take me a
shower at my sink, and brush my
grille. Then I eat my breakfast, if
I’m not doing my workout.
I’ll be in bed for a hour or more,
but today I can’t because I’m got
to holla at the white shirt about
my T.V. that I miss so much. It’s
been 7 months without my fat
girl. Plus I just got out from A-D
seg thursday (8-21-15) and I feel
so good.
Just one problem, they put me on
phase 1 A-D which is just like the
hole, the only difference is, that I
can go to commissary, that’s it.
But at the moment I’m broke as
hell. Let me see who's going to
write me. I got a lot of family but
no one seeming to care about a
brother nowadays.
Shout out to a new friend in my
life, Ms. Shawn, God Bless you
every where you at. Also shout
out to all my Carnales at Pontiac
Seg. Keep your head up and
don’t forget they could bind our
hands with cuffs and shackle our
feet with chains, but they could
never, never enslave our minds
from thinking, for it is free...
Page 4
MAKING CHOICES
Life is forever
changing
By Rebecca Shabazz
Logan C.C.
The key
Chaotic
By Montez Artis
Joliet, IL
My father gone, left me alone.
Mama went to cocaine now
she’s in her zone.
It’s so many drugs in my house,
drug addics make themselves at
home.
How do I escape this thing
called chaos, when they seem
like they don’t know where
they’re going and lost?
There is no one to lead or guide,
the next thought became
suicide.
Lord why did I have to have
parents like this? I just want to
die.
The Lord says “What I do I do
well. Satan created this chaos,
so you all can go to hell!”
By Antonio Solorio
Vienna C.C.
Open the door I’d like to see
what life has put in store for
me.
Stepping in slowly taking a
peek,
moving about, starting to weep.
For all I can see is sad and
bleak.
Wondering if time has sprung a
leak.
Dull and dim I started to seek,
for a ray of light to shine on
me.
Giving me hope and faith to be
strong enough to hold the key.
Life doesn’t always happen the
way you want it, the way you
planed or hoped for.
Detours suddenly appear, storms
blown in unexpectedly.
The road you’re traveling that
seemed so safe and secure
changes direction without
warning. Life becomes something
that’s not at all what you thought
it would be. You find there’s
nothing to do but stop for awhile,
figure out your options, and think
about new decisions you have to
make.
Life is forever changing, you
don’t always control what
happens. But you can hang tough
through it all and make the
changes and the decisions that
are necessary. And it’ll help you
grow in spite of the adversities.
Be creative and come up with
solutions, and always keep love
in your heart.
No matter how hard things may
seem Life will change again.
It’s possible that this detour will
lead you to a place that will bring
you more happiness and let you
reach more satisfying places in
your life than you’ve ever
reached before.
And if you need someone to lean
on give God a call he is always
there: rain, sleet, or snow.
Page 5
VOLUME 17, ISSUE 10
Drugs
By Antonio Solorio
Vienna C.C.
Most of sins and crimes of the
world are related… drugs can
take a brilliant mind and make it
dilapidated.
Drugs are the instrument of the
Devil for our soul he does
compete. Drugs transfer our
conscience to the classification
of
obsolete.
Drugs bring wealth and luxuries
to those whom of the sales do
partake.
When they leave this world with
them, the sins of the addicted
they do take.
Because Satan is sitting back
taking surveillances of the
scenes… for the drugs
participants are doing his will and
on them he leans.
Just as sure as there is a
Heaven there is also a Hell, and
the people dealing drugs know
that very well. Someday when
they will look into the eyes of
God. The Almighty says, “What
ever you do to one of mine you
do also unto me”.
AIDS
By Lamont Thomas
Jacksonville C.C.
I’m more malice than Willie
Lynch syndrome minus the
physical form and the skin tone.
I’m in your blood, semen and
virginal fluid,
praying you taste death, cause I
know you will do it.
You’re an intravenous drug user
and an extra marital sex abuser.
I’m deadlier than disembodied
minds, cause I’m more
venomous than mankind.
Scientist branded me A.I.D.S.
also we connect through milk in
breast.
I don’t believe in apologies or
truces,
I rather hang your t– cells with
HIV moose's.
B– cells and antibodies got
slave mentalities
without commands from you
general they’re stationary.
Unanswered prayers means a
lot of lost sheep.
Your destruction was brought
on by your own defeat.
Once your CD4– cells
decrease below 200, you’ll hear
and smell your horrible death
coming.
I’ll victoriously watch you slowly
die from a common cold
through your wife’s sad eyes.
As you sorrowfully take your
last breath I am slave history
replicating myself!
Page 6
MAKING CHOICES
I love you means
Submitted By Miguel Manzano
Lincoln, IL
I love you means: I accept you
as you are; I don’t want to
change you. I'm in love with
who you already are.
But I do want you to grow and
be better everyday. I want you
to realize your dreams. I want to
see you shine and be with you
in good times and bad.
I respect you, I trust you and I
admire the amazing person you
are. I know your past your secrets and you faults.
Yet I’d never judge you for them
and know you’d never do the
same to me.
I will not give up when times are
tough because I know what we
have is worth it.
I don’t need you to live life and I
know you don’t need me. Yet, I
know my life is better with us
together. I will be there for you
always, maybe someday I’ll get
there a bit late but I promise I’ll
get there. I choose death before
I ever dishonor you.
“An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward.
So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it
means that it’s going to launch you into something
great.”
By Unknown
Stop trying to kill me!
By Floyd Stewart
Pinckneyville C.C.
I can tell you’re trying to kill me,
“A black man” with every cold
meal or soy tray you present to
me. In hope I succumb to a
food born infection and die!
Truly I feel your hatred of me
bone deep and chilling, as you
turn down the heat in my cell in
the winter.
The cell you’ve locked me in 23
hours a day, praying I come to
depend on your steel and concrete box. So when I’m once
free again, I’ll view the outside
world as too overwhelming for
me to function and come running back to you.
I know for a fact you wish death
upon me, by the manner in
which you invade my living
space with others infected with
every illness known to mankind.
Both mental and physical.
Believing by placing homosexuals around me I’ll relinquish the
memoires of beautiful Black
and Latina sisters and thus my
manhood and engage in homo-
sexuality.
Stop trying to kill me, I’m not
ready to die!
For you see, there’s one major
flaw you’ve seem to overlook in
your new institution of slavery,
you call rehabilitation and corrections. You’ve allowed me to
read. I do willingly admit I don’t
have a G.E.D. what you deem
as a sound education yet, as I
read I grow and gain strength,
as I loose the chains of ignorance and open the gates of
knowledge and understanding.
I am satisfied to withstand all
your inventions for my downfall.
Above all of this, I have a short
while for my outdate, so stop
trying to kill me, I’m not ready
to die! Nor are you at all worthy
to be the benefactors of my
death!
Page 7
VOLUME 17, ISSUE 10
The struggle
By Corrie Singleton
Pontiac C.C.
I’ve had a lot of time to gather my
thoughts and see if I’ve raised
above my inmate state, and I’ve
done just that.
I’ve struggled with myself,
struggled with others, and I’ve
struggled with circumstances.
I’ve learned you got to study and
learn other people’s struggles and
be able to manage them all in all
directions of life.
I’ve learned that people who annoy me, those whom I cannot
bear, those whom I do not like,
those who are intolerant to me
are all test situations that are difficult. But situations will always
come up to test our consciousness; I found a hammer in my
hand for any situation in life which
I can move mountains and walls,
anything; that hammer is our
minds.
To people in the world and incarcerated, look around you not only
in just one direction. Remember it
is easy to be powerful. But for
some it’s easy to be good but its
also difficult to be wise and it is
the wise who are really and truly
victorious in this life.
Remember there is hardly one
person in a hundred who really
works for his true advantage,
although everyone thinks that he
does.
I Umar-El had more than enough
time to find self I don’t need
recognition anymore.
Watch me make this outdate,that’s my choice. We struggle to progress man, you are who
you think you are.
4800
By Seneca Smith
Stateville C.C.
The sky was beautiful.
Faces of society had me lusting
on life.
I was free!
To invest my time.
Accomplish my goals.
Live out my dreams.
To be more than a statistic by
design.
I had a second chance!
Yes, I was free…
I visit some friends, seen a
beautiful woman. Wouldn’t you
like to know her name?
Because her beauty was the
definition of perfection.
The complexion of her skin
poured of love.
Dripping out life’s most
essential needs.
So my desires had me aspiring.
Damn she was fine.
Hypnotizing.
Man, she had me visualizing.
What would life be like with her.
I found her refreshing to my
spirit.
So I looked her in her eyes,
gave my lips that “LL” lick.
Ran a hand over my waves and
gave her a fifth of this Lamon
s***!
This cutie from way back.
Hooked on this Simi flow.
I wonder did she know that I
noticed her back then.
In due time I was going to make
my move, but Pick and Pay
wasn’t the place.
And I definitely wasn’t going to
do it in front of Joe’s.
So I told her I waited a long time
for this.
She smiled.
I was captivated!
I poured my soul out for this
beauty.
To be awaken by a guard.
Hitting the bars.
Count check!
A reality check!
A f***ing night mare!
A 4800 dream...
Page 8
MAKING CHOICES
Dear Granny
By Deon Black
Pinckneyville C.C.
To whom it may concern
By Raul Artega
G.B.C.I.
I’m truly sorry for every hurt that
I’ve caused. I damn myself
everyday for all the bad that I
have caused every human being
including myself. I’ve hurt so
many people in my past that I
will end up sitting on the “Regret
rock”.
I now know there's no hiding
from all the wrong I’ve done,
but! I can try to change my life
by doing right for myself and
anyone who cares to be apart of
it.
I sometimes ask myself, if I
change from being the way I’m
used to living, then am I really
being me? And if that's the case
then I should probably ask
myself “Who am I really?” Am I
just human flesh trying to seek a
good soul or am I just a devil
trapped in Tony’s mind either
way I know deep down inside,
I’m fighting a battle from within.
I’m so confused on the truth
of myself I sometimes think I
belong here in prison so I
don’t hurt another human
being ever again, mentally
and physically. “Damn it
anyway!” Why does life have
to be so complicated? I just
wish I could make all the
evilness go away, but I can
not, evil is within all of us, we
just have to be able to control
it..
I battle life everyday just by
waking up behind these walls
of hell. It’s a long time
struggle, but I think I’m strong
enough to pull my way
through. I hate waking up in
prison because it's a better
place in the dreamland. When
I’m dreaming, I’m happy,
when I’m dreaming, I can
breathe. When I’m dreaming,
I’m free.
When I dream, I’m home!
The hardest part about
dreaming in prison is
eventually you’ll have to wake
up.
Another hurdle has come into
our path, but we must remain
strong.
I felt your pain when you said
it’s like your heart is on the
ground constantly being
rammed by a crane.
Our eyes are clouded like the
sky just with puddles of rain, as
we face this battle trying to
disguise our pain.
People are quick to judge
saying we knew Na-Na would
do the same thing. But please
know, Granny, a time would
come and one would make a
complete change.
The skies would be bright blue
again filled with rain, only
difference we would be sharing
tears of joy, enjoying our
happiness washing away all
the pain.
Cause all along the Lord was
protecting our hearts, giving us
the strength to deal with the
pain and not allowing it to be
demolished by the crane...
Page 9
VOLUME 17, ISSUE 10
Loving an inmate
Years and counting
Submitted By Miguel Manzano
Lincoln ,IL
By Neck Bone Manuel
Pontiac A-D
Loving an inmate is not a child's
play.
For loving them is a high price to
pay.
It’s loving them with nothing to
hold and staying true without being told.
It’s remembering the honesty
and the promise to wait, it’s laying alone with your thought
when it’s late.
My name is Neck Bone and I’m
incarcerated at A-D. I have one
son (Brandon) born months
before I was arrested and one
more son who was born during
my first ten years in prison at
Stateville. Those two boys have
grown to be the best young men
I know; they have turned out to
be strong men. In spite of not
having a father figure there for
them while they were growing
up.
All two of my sons are in school
and moving forward with their
careers. I also want to thank
Neyza Valdez, the mother of my
children. For being so strong all
them years, you made them two
kid’s strong man and respectful
people.
It’s the love song playing and the
lights down dim,
It’s tough sleeping at night when
you thinking of them.
Knowing there far away and
praying it won’t be to long to
stay.
Picturing them in a big empty
yard always under a gun and a
guard.
Doing their best to fight off the
clowns without a doubt they’ll
stand their grounds.
Laying alone with all your fears
falling asleep with eyes full of
tears.
I know more than anyone that
life can be tough for loving an
inmate.
I know its rough, but all in all
love is true and in the end I’ll get
what's due.
It’s not forever I’ll have to wait
before I know it they'll open the
gate.
God bless you Mija.
I am fortunate to have them two
sons and even more fortunate to
have them in my Corazon.
My hope is that we get a good
governor and pass new laws,
that at this time we all need it.
Now my second hope is to come
home one day to them two angels, so I can spend the next few
years of my life, trying my best to
make up for lost time.
I’ve been in here my entire life
so far and I know there isn’t anything I can do to change that.
The realities of my case and situation would break most men.
Many times, I felt I was the verge
of being broken. My sons are a
significant part of what has kept
me whole over the years. I can
only hope to have some good
years left which I can dedicate to
my two young angels.
Dedicated to my two sons in my life.
They call me Pescuezo and I’m out.
Page 10
MAKING CHOICES
True love
By Gonzalo G.
Pontiac Seg.
True love is rarely felt. It’s a
warm hum that settles inside
your heart. Even when she is
not there, I feel the embrace of
her loving caring, gentle, honest,
it’s not forever; it’s eternity.
It’s never letting go of that love
even after they are long gone.
Closing your eyes and being
able to see that person in every
scenario knowing they just fit.
When I think
June 27
By Rasaan P.
5A
By Seneca Smith
Stateville C.C.
When I think about the future
because sometimes it is never
promised,
I think about the violence that’s
going on in my community.
When I think in my cell, I think
about if I’m going to Heaven or
Hell or am I getting out or staying in jail.
Bullet riddle my body.
The blood of an injustice flows
out.
In a state of comatose
From a smoking gun of a cop.
Knee on my neck,
Trying to stop the circulation of
my breath.
Cuff up.
Hoping I shut up.
Cause you f***** up.
A unarmed black male has
been shot.
Foot iron drop!
Common law of a cop.
Here comes the plot.
Another black man f***** by the
conspiracy of a cop.
When I think, I sometimes think
about my past the good times
and even the bad. Sometimes I
think what can make my momma stop stressing and hopefully
God send more blessings.
When I think I think about my
sins and I hope that the Lord
forgive me.
True love is giving space however long needed, knowing that
they will always return.
Insecurity doesn’t exist because
the trust is so strong. Being inspired to live, when you’d rather
die. Changing not because you
need to, but because it will
make you better.
Excited to go home and share
the most juvenile experiences,
like how you got the last candy
and then turned around and
gave it to the little boy who
wanted it more.
True love is knowing that this
person can make you feel everything you ever imagined and
romanticized. Knowing that they
get you, especially when everyone else doesn’t.
Growing together, it’s believing
with all my heart that of I die to-
Page 11
VOLUME 17, ISSUE 10
Prison
Imminence
Working out
By Vicente Smith
Canton, IL
By Arturo Orozco
Pontiac A.D.
By Richard Suggs
Canton, IL
Everyday I’m awake I’m filled
with hate.
All you have to give I don’t ask I
just take.
I hold broken souls– the decider
of all fate.
I will wait and watch you break.
Once you are in my grasp you
will collapse there is no escape.
I now own your slate it will never
again be without a blemish .
You ran a good race, but I will
see you at the finish.
Your world I will diminish, I’m the
only subject in your sentence.
Consumed by the isolation of
this cell, the same routine reading watching T.V and waiting for
mail.
The weak breaking down easily
compelled,
stool pigeons telling the same
old tale.
No job or education, set up to
fail held in A.D. by gang intel.
To hide the pain we might feel
like working out cause the situation ain’t too funny.
Working out to find some joy
Working out to hide the tears.
Working out to deal with the
problems.
Working out cause you might
no understand.
Working out to keep from
checking out.
Working out for several different
reason and just to sleep at
night….
My real homies are persistent,
it’s like I’m gravity no matter how
far they go up they always fall
back to me.
Young dudes throw rocks at me
they can’t wait to get on a block
with me.
It must be some king of depravity
no matter how glad they be,
leaving me, they return to fill my
spots like cavities to capacity.
Most will try me before they try
Jesus.
I’m the graduate school for the
cool fool write your thesis…
I’m a genius.
I am rougher than any thug– no
hugs but I hold on tighter than
any drug. I leave scared…
I don’t use gloves.
I’m doom with no room for love.
I am bad decision an infected
incision.
I should not be in your vision
from me very few have successfully risen.
Trying to brake me, put me
through hell, like I’m cursed I
must brake this spell.my ankles
scarred, my wrists swelled,
shackled and handcuffed, my
A NOTE FROM FR. KELLY
School has started. The first days
tend to carry some
excitement….trying to look
“fresh” and seeing who’s coming
back and who has moved on to
some other place or school.
I know, however, that the
excitement of those first days can
soon change into the frustration of
not being prepared, of having to
get up early, of the struggles that
come with a commitment.
There is a young man who is a
part of the Precious Blood Center
who is really making a sacrifice
for his future. He willingly
moved into a placement (Mercy
Boys and Girls Home) in order to
have some structure and support
in his life. He knows that without
the support, even though it is hard
to accept the rules, that he will not
be able to deal with all that life
has to dish out.
He has made the sacrifice and will
soon be reaping the benefits of a
better life.
There are opportunities that come
easy and without much thought;
there are other opportunities that
are so very difficult and demand
that we are ready to accept the
challenges that come with them.
The only way they will work is if
we keep focused on our future.
There is nothing wrong with
wanting new gym shoes for
school But if that is it….if there
is nothing else, then you are soon
gonna be sitting in the same place.
It becomes a vicious circle—
wanting only to want the same all
over again.
I am excited for this new school
year. The challenges will be met
by those who have the courage to
take them on.
Peace,
Fr. Kelly
MAKING CHOICES
Kolbe House
2434 S. California Ave.
Chicago, IL 60608
Label here
Making Choices Newsletter is
a project of Kolbe House,
the jail ministry of the
Archdiocese of Chicago and
Precious Blood
Ministry of
Reconciliation .
Continue to send your
articles and poetry to :
Making Choices
2434 S. California Ave.
Chicago, IL 60608