choosing the - Hoffman Process

Transcription

When you’re serious about change
2016
CHOOSING THE
right path
The Path to
Emotional Maturity
Naomie Harris
The Path to
Better Health
Ben Shuckburgh
Miss Moneypenny on
spies, life and Hoffman
How I beat cancer
and joined the fast lane
Page 9
Page 6
The Path to
Self Belief
Lotte Mullan
The Path
Back to Love
Family Focus
Taking on the music
industry - and winning
Tackling issues and
changing relationships
Page 20
Page 26
Contents
2015
It was twenty years ago today …
T: 0 1 9 0 3 8 8 9 9 9 0
If you are interested in the Hoffman Process
Our participants come from all ages, professions and cultures. Despite varied backgrounds, we find
those coming to the Process have in common a desire to get more out of their lives. As the Process
is a week-long programme, its intensity and effectiveness
ho Tappeals to people who have demanding lives
ld o H
with little time.
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ev m
What does the Hoffman Process do? entsan Gr
or ad
w ua feelings of being unloved and
The Process teaches us how to release and resolve the persistent negative
or t
ks eof
unloveable. We examine the major influences on our lives, trace the root
ho s the behaviour, and release
ps years. We understand how
the pain, grief, anger, shame and resentment that has been stored there for
.
important it is to receive continued support after you’ve undertaken any kind of personal development
work. At Hoffman we provide numerous support events running throughout the year.
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nt
Welcome
to Florence House
Confidentiality
The Hoffman
ProcessEXTRAORDINARY
is a private and personalTHINGS
experienceHAPPEN
for each participant and your personal
A MAGICAL PLACE
WHERE
safety and confidentiality is assured. Due to its popularity we frequently have celebrities and public
figures attending and you will be asked to sign a document agreeing to respect the confidentiality,
and experience
of every Hoffman
participant.House; a much
ofidentity
Seaford
Head, Sussex,
sits Florence
On the brow
loved venue for life enhancing workshops and retreats, weddings,
fees
and registration
procedure
corporate offProcess
site training
events,
Bed & Breakfast
and more…
The week long residential course costs £2,700. This includes, food, accommodation, a comprehensive
assessment, over 100 hours of tuition, 4 follow up support groups and VAT. All course prices
Conferences
are correct at time
of print. Please refer to the website for Process prices outside the UK.
Florence House can accommodate conferences for up to 30 people on a
EachWe
course
on a Friday
or Saturday
morning,
9.00am
for a 9.30am start and finishes the
residential basis.
can starts
accommodate
larger
groups for
one day
events.
following
Friday
at
around
2pm.
If
you
are
travelling
a
long
distance,
The peace and seclusion provides a unique and creative environment we suggest you stay at the venue
the night business
before. Weseminars
also recommend
that you keep
weekend following your Process free from
for conferences,
or team building
awaythe
days.
any commitments. This allows you time to integrate and to complete any post Process work.
3* Bed & Breakfast
We also welcome
to enjoy
the house
as a bed & breakfast.
Whatindividuals
happens
when
I register?
Each of our rooms is individually decorated to create a calm and simple space
As part
of thenight’s
registration
we or
askradio
everyone
to complete an Enrolment Form. This form
for you to enjoy
a great
sleepprocedure,
free from TV
distractions.
asks for your medical and therapeutic history. If, for any reason, we think that the time is not right for
you to do the course,
we will refund your fee and recommend some alternative options to you.
Weddings
We are licensed for weddings and civil partnerships and believe that
We have a comprehensive list of therapists and health practitioners to whom we often refer people
Florence House is the ideal place to host your special day because it has
prior to coming on the Hoffman Process. If you are currently in therapy, Hoffman has a dedicated
none of the limitations of a hotel. We offer you the opportunity to make
handover system which helps health care professionals understand the course techniques and
the house your own for the day and celebrate it in the way you want.
A
S
s I write this it is almost 20 years since the first
Hoffman Process was run in the UK. It was brought
to this country by two remarkable people, Tim
Laurence and Serena Gordon, who have lovingly
nurtured the organisation ever since.
Making a Positive Choice
4
Ben Shuckburgh – Small Steps to a Big Vision 6
to use their photographs for our vibrant magazine cover this year.
Understandably, after all these years of dedication, Tim and
Serena have decided to step back from day-to-day management
of
Hoffman
UK. Buteverything
thankfully they
by no to
means
be we
lost can
to control how
We
can’t control
that will
happens
us, but
us here or to the wider Hoffman International community.
we react to things, and the articles in this third issue of our magazine are
I
did the Hoffman Process
in 2004 – an outwardly
successful businessman, with a loving wife and
changing
career
path
following
an
illness,
overcoming
addictions,
choosing
a nice home but with an inner sadness and
to pass
onofnegativity
topotential
the nextthat
generation or deciding to take your
anot
deep
feeling
unrealised
Ifoot
could
not
understand.
Doing
the
course
off the pedal, all our contributors have managed to turn life challenges
was one of the best decisions I have ever
taken and more than a decade on I still
feel the benefit through the changes
II have
to the
way I lead
my life.
hopemade
you are
inspired
by some
of these stories and that they might
encourage
you
tofrom
seizeTim
theand
life you have and really live it.
Taking
on this
role
Serena is an absolute privilege.
I find it impossible to put into
words the deep gratitude I feel
(as I suspect do the other UK
graduates) for the work they
have done. I will do my best to
honour
legacy. We already
Serena their
Gordon
have
some
initiatives
Hoffman
UKexciting
co-Founder
& Managing Director
planned about which you can
find out more in this magazine.
w ww.hoffm an pr ocess.co .uk
45
42
Hoffman 48pp Spring 2014 Updated July 2015.indd 1
and that you will derive the greatest possible benefit from it.
www.florencehouse.co.uk
In order for each participant to get the most out of their experience we create an environment that
is free from distractions resulting in a much deeper and longer lasting experience. With the pace at
which today’s society pushes us forward we are all inherently slaves to modern technology; mobiles,
laptops, mp3s etc. With these removed, we are more consciously aware of ourselves, and therefore
able to focus more intently.
We do not recommend any contact with work or home unless in exceptional circumstances and
this will be agreed with you and the Hoffman staff before your Process. Experience has shown us
that this will ensure you receive the best possible benefits from the course.
When you register we will also give you a letter to give to a member of your family. This letter
explains more about the course as well as offering them phone support should they need it while
you are away. A 24hr number is available at all times for relatives or colleagues to contact people
on the course in the case of an emergency.
www.hoffmanprocess.co.uk
10
How toWhere
MakeHoffman
your Holiday
beganCount 3
Dealing with Loss
Stress: 10 early symptoms
5
20 Years of Hoffman
Elle Decoration article
8
Make Friends with your Feelings
What a –Performance!
Lotte Mullan
Living on the Edge 10
12
16
11
22
ViciousMany
Circles
faces of Parkinson’s
14
18
20
The Green,
Green
Grass of Home 15
Culture
Clash?
Feature: Putting your Family in Focus
Rising from the Ashes
19
Pilgrim’s Progress, the Hoffman Way
Stuffocation: Social Trends 21
You Can Still Change your Life
Bewildered
23
It’s Never
Too LatebytoChoice?
Change
Workplace
The Power
of SoftWellbeing
24
26
33
36
38
27
40
29
A Glimpse Through the Office Window
Are you Addicted to Love?
31
About the Hoffman Process
Jekyll & Hyde: Addictions
Dates for Process and other events
42
45
46
34
47
Emotional Reboot: Adoption 35
Running for your Life
39
Events, info and dates
45
If you would like to advertise or contribute to our next issue, we’d
love to hear from you. Please use the contact details below:
I hope whether you are new
to Hoffman or a past student
you will find articles of interest
in this magazine and I’d like
to take this opportunity to
thank all the contributors for
sharing their stories with us.
Managing Editor: David Wallace
[email protected]
If you would like to advertise or contribute in
our next
issue,
we’d
love to hear from you.
Features
Editor:
Nikki
Wyatt
Please use the contact details below.
[email protected]
Editorial
consultants:
RED
Editor:
Serenait’s
Gordon
[email protected]
[email protected]
Design:Designer:
Adam Partington
and Andrew Clarke
Jo Sennett
[email protected]
[email protected]
Features
Writer: Kasumi
Nikki Wyatt
Advertising
coordinator:
Wallace
[email protected]
[email protected]
For all enquiries please call
For all enquiries
please
call:88
+44(0)
1903 88 99 90
+44 (0)
1903
99 90
Hoffman UK address: Quay House, River Rd,
Hoffman UK address: Quay House, River Rd,
Arundel, West Sussex BN18 9DF
Arundel, West Sussex BN18 9DF
www.hoffmaninstitute.co.uk
www.hoffmanprocess.co.uk
Photograph by Jo Sennett
David Wallace
Managing Director
On the Process
9
Control Your Foods, Tackle Your Moods
Time Out,
Not Burnout
support your continued growth. Guidelines for therapists are available upon request that explain how
they can support the participant/client.
For further information, call Mairin or Steve on
Prior to attending the course, we ask everyone to complete a comprehensive autobiographical
t: 01323
873700theorPre-Course
e: [email protected]
questionnaire,
Work. This allows us to ensure that the course is appropriate for you
Contents
Naomie Harris
In that time more than 7,000 people from across this country and
beyond ince
havethe
participated
the week-long
HoffmaninProcess
began inresidential
the early course.
1970s aFrom
wonderful
their feedback and expressions of gratitude, we know the vast
variety of people have been drawn to experience the course. A huge thank
majority of these Hoffman students have gone on to lead more
you to allconnected
those participants
who
have shared their stories and allowed us
fulfilling,
and positive
lives.
international...
The Hoffman Process
Hoffman Institute International, based
based in
in the
the UK.
UK. HII
HII was set up to ensure the
Processoperates
operatesworldwide
worldwide under
under the umbrella of Hoffman
quality,
standards
and delivery
of the
Process
throughout
the world.
Visit: www.hoffman-international.com
up to ensure
the quality,
standards
and
delivery
of the Process
throughout
the world. Visit: www.hoffman-international.com
Hoffman Institute UK
Institut Hoffman France
Hoffman Institute UK
Hoffman Institute France
www.institut-hoffman.com
www.institut-hoffman.com
www.hoffmanireland.com
Hoffman Institute Ireland
Hoffman Institute Foundation USA
www.hoffmanireland.com
www.institutohoffman.com
Hoffman Institute Spain
Hoffman Institute Switzerland
www.institutohoffman.com
Hoffman Institute USA
Hoffman Institute Canada
www.hoffmaninstitute.org
www.hoffmaninstitute.ca
Hoffman Institute Switzerland
Istituto Hoffman Italy
www.hoffman-institut.ch
www.istitutohoffman.it
Hoffman
Institute
Netherlands
Hoffman
Institute
Canada
www.hoffmaninstitute.nl
www.hoffmaninstitute.ca
Hoffman
Centre
Australia
Hoffman
Institute
Italy
www.quadrinity.com.au
www.istitutohoffman.it
88 99
90
T: +44(0) 1903
Hoffman
Institute
Netherlands
www.hoffmaninstitute.nl
Hoffman Institute Australia
www.hoffmanprocess.com.au
Hoffman Institute Ireland
www.hoffmaninstitute.org
T: +44(0) 1903 88 99 90
Institut Hoffman Spain
www.hoffman-institut.ch
Hoffman Institut Deutschland
Hoffman Institute Germany
www.hoffman-institut.de
www.hoffman-quadrinity.de
www.hoffman-institut.de
Instituto Hoffman Argentina
www.hoffman-quadrinity.de
www.quadrinidad.com.ar
Hoffman Institute Argentina
Hoffman Institute Russia
www.quadrinidad.com.ar
www.hoffman-institut.ru
Centro
HoffmanInstitute
Brasil Russia
Hoffman
www.centrohoffman.com.br
www.hoffman-institut.ru
www.institutohoffman.com.br
www.processohoffman.com
www.institutohoffman-rio.com.br
Hoffman Institute Brazil
www.centrohoffman.com.br
www.institutohoffman.com.br
www.processohoffman.com
www.hoffmaninstitute.co.uk22/07/2015
13:32
|3
MAKING A
positive change
Hoffman MD David Wallace looks at how the Hoffman Process can help
bring fundamental transformation and fulfilment to our lives and traces
its origins to the work done by Bob Hoffman 50 years ago.
sign up for the Hoffman Process they have
realised they are serious about wanting to
move in a new direction.
The right fork is a little more difficult, at least
to start with, because it requires work and
application, which doesn’t stop at the end of
the Process week.
T
he Hoffman Process enables positive
life change.
This may be needed at any stage of our lives.
People in their early 20s do the Process as
do those in their mid-seventies. It’s never too
late to change.
More than 7,000 people have done the
Hoffman Process since it was brought to this
country 20 years ago by Tim Laurence and
Serena Gordon. And there are thousands
of different and very personal reasons why
participants sign up for the week-long
residential course.
There are, though, a number of recurring
themes including: relationship issues,
depression, anxiety, stress, unfulfilling
careers, bad work / life balance, low selfesteem and recovering addictions. However,
very often the reason behind attending is
less clear – just a deep-rooted unhappiness
or dissatisfaction with life, with no apparent
justification for it.
The intensive course helps restore life balance.
It is a human MOT – where the four aspects
of self – physical, intellectual, emotional and
spiritual are nurtured and realigned.
Most participants leave at the end of the
week with a much clearer perspective on
how they want to live and with the inner
strength to make the necessary changes.
The Process week is not a quick fix or a
magic solution to life’s difficulties. Rather it
provides a set of tools that can prevent us
slipping back into patterns of behaviour
that have come to dominate our lives.
Patterns that we have often been living with
since we were very young.
The course is about choice. At Hoffman
we use the analogy of a fork in the road.
Continuing on the left fork is the easy
choice. But it’s the path of frustration and
unhappiness where we fail to reach the
potential in one or more of our four aspects.
It’s a long, monotonous and ultimately
unfulfilling road. It is very easy to carry on
walking this path but by the time people
4|
It involves achieving an awareness that
you are much more than your patterns of
behaviour. Participants soon understand
they can use life tools to
change the way they react
to situations in order to
move on from what can
often seem an unbreakable
spiral of unhappiness.
The Hoffman Process
provides the wherewithal
to lead fulfilled, loving
and lovable lives.
Bob Hoffman was a
pioneer of personal
development and
very much ahead of
his time when he introduced the Hoffman
Process in California almost 50 years ago.
Several of today’s popular personal growth
programmes (including Mindfulness) use
similar techniques though many Hoffman
students say that the experiential nature of
the Process week goes much deeper than
other courses they have done.
The techniques that Bob Hoffman
developed in the 1960s are still at the core
of the work that is done today, although the
course is a constantly evolving one. To date
almost 100,000 people around the world
have done the Process.
In 1995, Tim Laurence, a Hoffman teacher
who had worked for some years with Bob
Hoffman, and Serena Gordon, an actress
who left the stage and screen to devote her
life to this work, brought the Process to the
UK. Since then this remarkable pair have
developed the UK into one of the most
successful Hoffman providers in the world.
Because of its reputation for excellence,
people from all over the globe come to this
country to do their Process. As do people of
all ages and all walks of life.
Not surprisingly, after two decades
of dedication, Tim and Serena have
decided to take a less active role in the
management of the UK operation – though
they will remain fully involved in their
roles of the parent organisation, Hoffman
International, as it spreads further and
deeper around the world.
They have also been working closely with
our new UK management team in 2015 on
initiatives that will expand the reach of the
Hoffman work in this country to those who
currently cannot afford the course fees.
These strategies include the possibility of
creating a not-for-profit Community Interest
Company (CIC) to run the Hoffman operation
as well as the establishment of a Trust Fund,
which will enable appreciative former
participants to fund bursaries and support
new outreach work with, for example, young
people and in the workplace.
As Hoffman’s new managing director
I’m also keen to align some of my
own personal business growth
philosophy, developed over 40
years, to the personal growth
philosophy of Hoffman. These
will include the introduction of
techniques pioneered by a new
business social movement called
the Economy for the Common
Good – which amongst other
things advocates the use of a
Common Good Balance Sheet alongside the
traditional financial one.
Bob Hoffman
(1922-1997)
certain negative behaviour patterns had come from –
either inherited from or a reaction to the behaviour of
parents or surrogates.
Bob Hoffman was born in
New York in September
1922. If Freud and his
followers introduced the
effect of childhood on our
conditioning, Bob supplied a
vital missing piece, love.
Hoffman called this ‘negative’ love and dealing with this
became one of the two principle tenets of the Process.
The other one being the Quadrinity – a term he coined
to define the four essential aspects of self – physical,
intellectual, emotional and spiritual. Negative patterns
of behaviour, and the negative thoughts that often
accompany them, interfere with our ability to achieve a
proper balance of these four life dimensions.
Love is the glue that keeps
the family unit healthy. If love is missing, we need it so
badly that looking for it becomes a main motivator in our
behaviour patterns.
Bob Hoffman created the Hoffman Process to deal with
these negative patterns and to enable each one of us to
find the necessary life balance to lead happy, fulfilling,
loving and lovable lives.
When Bob started his work, initially with individual
clients, and soon after with small groups, he first asked
each to complete a comprehensive and emotionally
charged autobiography. From this he would trace where
Bob died in 1997 but his legacy lives on robustly through
the great work done by Hoffman teachers and Institutes
throughout the world.
People like us… do the Hoffman Process
GENDER
As with people, organisations are
periodically faced with the choice of
changing or staying the same. The brave
ones can benefit greatly by taking the right
fork, the path of positive change.
David Wallace is the Managing Director of
Hoffman Institute UK.
He worked in senior marketing positions at
multinationals Heinz and Sony. He then led
successful turnarounds at three mediumsized public companies before setting up his
own business, TNR Communications, in 1999,
which he sold in 2008.
Since then he has worked on a variety of
what he describes as ‘worthwhile and/or
interesting’ projects. These include work in
the fields of dementia, animal conservation
and promoting young film-makers. He has
also been trustee of a number of young
people’s charities.
He did the Hoffman Process in 2004 and
lives, happily, in Little Venice, London with
Kasumi, his wife of 26 years.
TOP LEFT: Tim Laurence and Serena Gordon who
brought Hoffman to the UK in 1995 are now
stepping back from day-to-day UK management
MIDDLE RIGHT: Hoffman UK will be run on the
principles of the Economy for the Common Good
“It was a fantastic experience … It’s brought me such confidence.” James Wallman, author Stuffocation
Male
Female
38% 62%
Where participants come from
Whilst the majority come from the UK, in the past year students from
20 countries have attended the Process in this country (including many
participants from Ireland, Holland and many parts of the Middle East).
AGE RANGE
Occupations
Business, banking, financial
31%
Creatives (inc. actors and perfomers)
17%
Medical, therapists & life coaches etc
12%
Lawyers, accountants, professions
8%
Retired or not working
7%
Full-time parents and homemakers
5%
Social work, carers, charity
3%
Students
3%
Other
14%
20-29 = 7%
30-39 = 26%
40-49 = 37%
50-59 = 22%
Over 60 = 8%
Source: Analysis of all Hoffman UK Process students from Jan 2014-June 2015.
T: +44(0) 1903 88 99 90
|5
Ben Shuckburgh
O
n his 42nd birthday Ben Shuckburgh received a surprise
no one would ever wish for – throat cancer.
Yet little more than two years later, driving at top speeds
of almost 150 mph, Ben fulfilled a life-long dream and took the
chequered flag at the prestigious Freddie March Trophy race at
Goodwood in his hand-restored 1953 Cunningham C-4R sports
racing car.
It’s the sort of stuff the Boy’s Own Paper was writing about around the
time the C-4R was originally being built.
One of the key aspects of the Hoffman Process
is its ability to empower participants to make
significant changes in their life. Very often
people leave their week with hitherto unrealised
depths of confidence and clarity in order to
shape a new future for themselves.
There is no better exemplar of this than Ben. He
identifies three life-changing (and in one case
life-saving) decisions he has made in the past 15
years that he simply wouldn’t have been able to
take without the strength and self-awareness he
achieved through the Process.
Small steps to
a big vision
Ben Shuckburgh made some big changes for the
better after completing the Hoffman Process. One
might even have saved his life. Here he talks to David
Wallace about challenges, fast cars and cancer.
Ben did his Process in 1999. An outwardly
successful fund manager in his early 30s, he felt hugely unfulfilled
in his life but could not put his finger on why. A loving wife, two
wonderful small children and a large house in Chiswick, West London
– but something important was missing. And he was far from happy.
The Hoffman course is a rebalancing process. The early days involve
exploring who we are now and why we behave the way we do.
Participants develop an understanding that things do not need to
stay the way they have been and that it is never too late to change.
There is a key moment during the week when people are asked
to envision a new way of living for themselves. For Ben this was a
turning point.
“The Process enabled me to consciously create a picture for myself
of what a well-balanced, fulfilling, happy life would look and feel
like,” he said.
“But even more I was able to visualise what I wanted my day-to-day
life to be – the mixture of challenges, excitement, relaxation, the time
I would spend with my family and friends and the time I would spend
putting myself out of my comfort zone.”
It was during the Process itself that the seeds of Ben’s first major life
change were sown.
And during one exercise he had a vision of himself standing before
the group and working as a Hoffman teacher.
“Doing the Hoffman Process was the most positive step I’ve taken to becoming content.” Penny, finance director, King’s Lynn,
T: +44(0) 1903 88 99 90
After the Process, participants are advised to make no life-changing
decisions for at least three months but the vision stayed with Ben and
gradually, while continuing within his job in the City, he began to take
small steps towards it.
He started going to the ‘welcome home’ and ‘information’ evenings
which are held monthly and he attended the ‘closure’ sessions at the
end of the Process week which are open to any
Hoffman graduates. He also stayed connected
to Hoffman UK owners Tim and Serena as well
as members of the teaching team.
“I am reliably
informed that
if I had waited
the six months,
I wouldn’t have
made it”
During the week he began to feel a deep connection with other
people, something that he felt he had really lacked before.
6|
It was a fleeting image but a very powerful one. It was so far away
from his reality as an investment manager that he dismissed it.
“Gradually, little by little, step by step – what
seemed like an impossible and impractical
dream evolved into the most natural life change
I could make,” he added.
And so a year after his Process, Ben resigned his
well paid job and started the intensive training
to become a Hoffman teacher. He focused fully
on his training in which he excelled and, in little
more than a year, he qualified.
In early 2001 he taught his first Process and for
almost eight years he formed part of the UK teaching team ultimately
rising to director of training.
“It was maybe the boldest move I had ever made,” he said. “And
while I may have been materially poorer, my life was hugely enriched.
I was the happiest and most fulfilled I had ever been – I had a loving
and supportive wife Emma and two kids who were growing into
wonderful human beings. Life couldn’t get any better.”
But then, as so often seems to happen, life throws us a big challenge.
And what could be bigger than the life-threatening throat cancer
diagnosis that Ben Shuckburgh received in August 2008?
But things could have been a lot worse if he had listened to the first
doctor he had complained to about a sore lump in his throat.
Ben said: “The doctor misdiagnosed me. He said I had a fibrotic
tonsil and put me on an NHS waiting list, which was estimated at a
minimum of six months. Although I felt fit and healthy apart from a
sore throat, something was telling me to get a second opinion.”
And this is where his post-Hoffman self came to the fore: “The
Hoffman Process enabled me to take control and responsibility for my
life and not accept what came along as I had largely done in the past.
“I am reliably informed that if I had waited the six months, I wouldn’t
have made it. I would have been dead.”
OPPOSITE PAGE: Ben and his 1964 Mini Cooper THIS PAGE TOP LEFT: Ben was
treated for throat cancer at St Bartholomew’s in London TOP RIGHT: A former
fund manager, Ben turned his back on the City to become a Hoffman teacher
|7
When he consulted a Harley Street specialist,
Ben was immediately sent to St Bartholomew’s
Hospital in London, where he underwent 24
hours of surgery.
A week of intensive care followed and then
another eight hours under the knife to rectify
a problem caused in the first operation. Three
weeks of recuperation and then a six-week
course of radiotherapy and chemotherapy.
During this period he was very sick and describes
it as the darkest period of all.
“I was able to
visualise what I
wanted my dayto-day life to be”
But during his lowest points he had extraordinary support from family
and friends.
“Emma was incredible during these really dark days,” he said. “In many
ways it was harder for her. When you’re the ill one, all you are doing is
trying to survive and get well.
“She was looking after me, the kids, the house, her own work and all
the while staying positive for everyone - she handled it all with such
grace and love, I can never repay her.”
His wife, who did the Hoffman Process in 2000, was not the only
source of support. Friends led by Hoffman teaching colleague
Esme Page organised a 24-hour round-the-clock, round-the-world
prayer vigil.
During this really difficult period another Hoffman lesson came to
the fore. Ben said: “Through the darkest days of my illness, I had the
overwhelming sense of myself as more than just my physical being.
“I was not defined by the broken, cut, infected body, riddled with
bedsores. I was not my pain or my depression.
“I firmly believed then as I do now that is not all I am. There is a part of
me which couldn’t be touched by the monster of cancer. A bigger self.
My spiritual being.”
Ben has no doubt that the positive energy engendered by the loving
support of family and close friends helped him pull through as well as
his own underlying spirit and gradually over the following weeks and
months, he began to recover.
But life had more challenges in store for Ben Shuckburgh.
The surgeons had removed a lump the size of an orange from his
throat and radiotherapy had virtually destroyed his ability to eat.
Everything had to be fed into his stomach via a tube.
He also had to learn to speak again.
At night Ben had to plug himself into a pump and feed through a tube
into his stomach. For a year he took all his food this way. He stopped
attending family meals or socialising with friends. That together with
his difficulty in speaking as well as the debilitating effect of his daily
morphine doses was sending him into a downward spiral of despair.
“Not eating and drinking has an incredibly isolating effect. So much
of any social contact revolves around food or drink,” he said. “I felt
myself withdrawing from life and I could see the negative impact it
was having on my family. I could only see an unhappy ending unless I
took control again.”
So his first action was to unilaterally stop taking morphine. He ditched
the remaining bottles and lived with the resulting pain, which eased
after a couple of weeks.
When a succession of speech and language therapists told him that
he would never be able to eat properly again and that he would have
to survive on a diet of soft foods – such as scrambled eggs, soup and
yoghurt, Ben decided he must keep looking.
8|
A doubting but well-meaning therapist mentioned
that she had heard vaguely of some researchers
who were doing some early work in the US on
retraining cancer and stroke victims to eat.
Ben spent days trying to track down Michael Crary
and Giselle Mann. He finally got in touch with them
at the University of Florida Hospital and persuaded
them to take him on as a case study.
Their programme was based on physiotherapy.
“Basically it involved force feeding me and if I choked they would
dyno-rod me, clear it all up and feed me again. It was pretty grim but
frankly after the depths I had been to, it was a piece of cake,” Ben said.
After three weeks he was almost eating normally again.
“When I arrived they asked me ‘what have you missed most?’, I replied
‘the Sunday roast’. After three weeks they invited me to their home
for lunch where I had roast chicken and all the trimmings. Absolutely
astonishing, as at the start I couldn’t even keep jelly down. I can’t express
how grateful I am to Mike and Giselle whose work really saved me.”
Ben binned his tube and pump and flew back to London where he
invited the therapist who had mentioned the research to lunch.
As he munched his way through his restaurant meal this time it was
her who was having difficulty eating: “She spent the whole meal in
open-mouthed amazement at what I was able to eat. If I hadn’t taken
this action, I would still be eating through a tube, almost certainly on
anti-depressants, and a constant drain on the NHS. I simply would not
be functioning properly or possibly not at all.”
But far from not functioning, six years on Ben is now in his second
dream job – Hoffman having been the first. He is managing director
of CKL Developments – a business with 30 employees which restores
and sells historic cars.
“After I could eat and - through speech therapy – speak again, I got
my zest for life back,” he said. “I’ve always had a passion for classic
cars, so rather than rushing into a decision about a job, I filled my days
bringing the Cunningham C-4R back to a road-worthy, indeed a raceworthy, condition.”
And so it was in September 2010, Ben took part in the Freddie March
Trophy at the Goodwood Revival. Racing became a part of his new life
and through his sociable nature he got to know many of the people in
the industry, which culminated in him being offered his current job.
Ben Shuckburgh puts the lessons he learnt on his Hoffman week at
the heart of how he has arrived where he is today – a fit and healthy
50-year old, with a loving and much-loved family, the perfect job and a
balance to his life that he would have thought laughable 15 years ago.
“Hoffman taught me how to change,” he said. “It’s about the power of
having a vision, finding the courage to take a step towards it and the
commitment to stick to it. I got there by knowing where I wanted to
go and then making hundreds of little life choices along the way to
get there.
“The Hoffman Process also gave me the courage to take control of
my life and live it the way that I wanted. It’s about not being afraid to
be bold.”
And then he quotes Goethe:
“Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has
genius, power, and magic in it!”
Naomie
Harris
She is one of Britain’s most talented and successful actresses and
now, as Miss Moneypenny, Naomie Harris is Hollywood royalty.
Here she talks about what the Hoffman Process means to her.
M
iss Moneypenny is among the most iconic
of British characters.
But the modern-day Moneypenny is rather
more savvy – and integral within MI5 – than the flirtatious
secretary of Sean Connery’s films.
Who better then to play her than 39-year-old,
celebrated actress Naomie Harris?
One film critic called her the “highlight” of 2012’s Skyfall
and more recently she has reprised the role in the latest
Bond blockbuster Spectre.
With the world’s attention and the glare of the media
spotlight firmly on her Naomie took the chance to talk about
how she had taken time out to do the Hoffman Process –
and the incredible impact the decision had provoked.
Talking to fashion magazine Net-a-Porter she said she
took the course because she wanted “to fully become
an adult” adding: “Most of us operate as if we are adults,
but we aren’t emotionally mature at all.”
“I did The Hoffman Process, which is all about learning
re-parenting, because so many of us come from
dysfunctional parents, and we get trapped in negative
patterns that stem from that. To break those patterns you
have to be in a space where you can recreate what you
went through and deal with it.”
Talking to More magazine, Naomie added that she
decided to concentrate on personal development
several years ago which led her to the Process.
She said: “A big thing for me was anger. Like a lot of
women, I often swallow anger and hold on to it. The
challenge is to let it out without the neighbours thinking
you’re crazy.”
Speaking to US magazine Essence Naomie added: “You
get into habits of relating that aren’t necessarily healthy. I
just wanted to get that perspective of my childhood. You
have to delve into the fire and experience and discover
where an issue really lies and deal with it.”
When quizzed about whether she enjoyed the Process
and whether she still stays in touch with her fellow
graduates she said: “Absolutely. We text each other all
the time. I spoke at length last night on the phone to
someone who had reached out to me, and in the same
way I’ll be able to reach out to them when I need to. I
just want to be the best human being I can be.”
TOP LEFT: Ben preparing for the start with some pre-race visualisation
MIDDLE: Ben this year with his kids, Sam and Rose, now 20
and 18 years old RIGHT: Ben putting his foot down
“I can’t recommend Hoffman highly enough for getting to the heart of many problems.”
Sally Bonneywell, VP organisation development GlaxoSmithKline
T: +44(0) 1903 88 99 90
|9
Control
your foods,
tackle your moods
When Hoffman graduate Joan
Borysenko decided to embark on
an ultra low-fat vegan diet, she
expected her energy to soar and
her health to improve. Instead
she felt worse than ever. Here she
explains to Nikki Wyatt how making
a connection between food and
mood has revolutionised her life.
J
oan already had a science background, having studied
cell biology at Harvard University before beginning
a career in personal development, so she vowed to
research until she found a solution. She spent three years
reviewing the latest data on nutrition and came across a series of
factors which influence whether or not a person is set to follow a
certain genetic pathway – something called epigenetics.
And now she has published a book, The PlantPlus Diet Solution:
Personalized Nutrition for Life, which unveils the findings.
Why didn’t the ultra low-fat
vegan diet work for you?
JB: One thing I discovered early on was that I belong to a sector
of the population who don’t do well on carbohydrates. Everyone’s
metabolism varies and we don’t all process carbohydrates in the
same way - you can find out your own profile through a simple
blood test.
So one aim of the book is to show you how to personalise what you
eat in a way that suits you best. Each chapter also increases your
nutritional literacy by giving short ‘science bites’ which help you
understand how to rewire your brain to reduce cravings and gain
more pleasure from food.
What is epigenetics?
JB: The food you eat causes epigenetic changes. That is to say, it can
cause certain genes to switch on or off, changing your mood, your
brain chemistry, your behaviour and the state of your health.
So what we eat can alter our mood?
JB: What’s become clear is that there’s an interdependent
relationship between nature and nurture. For example if you’re
feeling anxious or depressed one approach may be to try resolving
unhealed emotional issues in your past, but making changes to your
diet could also play an important role in that.
We need to eat food which nourishes our gut bacteria because this
is what fires our neurotransmitters, which in turn affects our mood.
Interestingly, according to a new survey conducted by the American
10 |
Psychological Association, the millennial generation is the most
depressed and anxious current living generation and it’s the one
which eats the most processed food.
There’s also a change in how we consume our food. It’s become
the norm to get a takeaway, eat out or put a ready meal in a
microwave to eat in front of the TV. Yet the simple act of preparing
your food and sitting down to eat it with your family can be very
grounding and nurturing.
Image by Jonathan Perugia | www.jpfoto.com
Once you begin to eat in a way which supports you and optimises
your gut microbes you could find this has a tremendous effect
on your stress levels. What we pass on down our family line is
not only a pattern of anxiety for example, but a way of eating that
supports that state.
“Alan Dolan is one of
the best alternative
practitioners I’ve had
the privilege to work
with ... I highly recommend him
to anyone looking for a way to
live a happier, healthier and more
peaceful life.”
Naomie Harris, star of new
James Bond movie Spectre
Do people form habits or patterns around food?
Sometimes when you respond to a food craving you may be on
autopilot, prompted by a deeply-ingrained habit, or you may be
reacting to a physical imbalance originating in your gut.
This can become a vicious cycle and the way to break it is by
bringing a new level of awareness to your relationship with food.
There is an entire chapter in the book dedicated to helping you
develop this key skill of noticing your behaviour patterns - something
which is also a foundation stone of the Hoffman Process.
I feel that’s what the Process is all about - freeing yourself from
the patterns that otherwise control
you. It also boosts self-respect and
encourages greater self-care so by
the end of the course, improving your
nutrition tends to move higher up your
list of priorities.
To read sample chapters of
The PlantPlus Diet Solution:
Personalized Nutrition for Life
and for regular nutritional tips
visit www.joanborysenko.com
Discover Transformational Breath® with Alan Dolan at
1-1 sessions and workshops worldwide and bespoke
intensive experiences at the Lanzarote retreat
[email protected]
www.breathguru.com
As featured in:
“The perfect place to
let go of old issues and
forward. I felt far more
positive as a result. A very safe
space where you can feel vulnerable
and held at the same time. I feel
more grounded than ever before”
Serena Gordon, co-founder
How to Make your
holiday count
Modern life is logged on, turned up and
tuned in. Emails, texts, conference calls,
social media and rolling news make our lives
a non-stop, 24-hour treadmill. Here Nikki
Wyatt explores how to truly switch off.
P
eace, calm and tranquility –
pleasures that are increasingly
difficult to achieve.
So when the holiday you have been
excited about all year finally arrives, it is
vital for body, mind and wellbeing that the
opportunity is not destroyed by beeping
phones and buzzing tablets.
Many people see their smart phones as
extensions of themselves – yet when you
arrive to take part in the Hoffman Process
you are required to shelve your mobile. And,
after years of constantly checking emails,
tweets and texts many people find handing
over this prized possession very difficult. But
this is an important step to ensure you can
focus on yourself and the present moment.
And, in the end, the vast majority agree it is
extremely liberating. The Process introduces
you to a host of techniques to help you stay
relaxed. Here are some of the ways you can
apply them whenever you need a break from
everyday life:
Clear communication
When taking a holiday, it is important to identify
expectations - after all, the word ‘holiday’
means different things to different people.
Some dive head first on to a sunbed, moving
only when they spot a cocktail umbrella.
Others enjoy hurtling down mountains on
skis. Some personalities replenish with time
alone, whereas others feel re-energised in
company. So, for a harmonious time away it’s
important to respect your companions’ way
of relaxing.
Rather than second-guessing each other’s
preferences or assuming they’re in tune with
yours, clear communication and discussing
your expectations will ensure that everyone
manages to switch off in their own way. A
conversation to clarify your holiday budget
and travel insurance will also defuse
potential flash points.
Preparation
Going on holiday with someone who’s
already simmering with resentment
because they had to do all the preparation
sets the scene for a row before you’ve even
checked in.
Make a list of the things that need to be
done before you go and any essentials that
you need to take. Once you have a plan
you can divide the responsibility according
to your strengths. One of you might enjoy
researching restaurants and checking
taxi firms while the other would prefer to
be waxing the surfboards and keeping
passports safe.
Empty your mind on to paper to reduce
mental stress and have a to-do list which you
can add to as you go - keeping it by your
bed will give you somewhere to scribble any
ideas that threaten to keep you awake.
12 |
“Doing the Hoffman Process was the most positive step I’ve taken to becoming
content.” Penny, finance director, King’s Lynn, Norfolk, Spirit & Destiny
T: +44(0) 1903 88 99 90
Acceptance
Getting ready to go away can be stressful.
Not only do you have more than usual to do
but you’re leaving a familiar routine to go
into the unknown. This can bring up anxiety
and trigger patterns of control or overwhelm.
Anticipation can be a heady mix of
excitement and anxiety and feelings
are likely to be running high. It helps to
acknowledge that this is normal, to be
tolerant and forgiving of yourself as well
as anyone coming with you. If you or any
usually easy-going holiday companions
turn into short-tempered control-freaks,
remember that this is just stormy pre-holiday
behaviour and once you’ve unpacked the
sun will come out again.
Be compassionate to yourself
Practice self-compassion in the run up so
that you’re not adding any extra unnecessary
stress and ensure you have your favourite
stress-busting tools to hand.
If possible, take an hour to do something
relaxing before you leave to help you wind
down, whether that’s meditating, going for a
walk or having a massage.
It’s amazing how many last-minute disasters
can be averted if you just take that time to
collect yourself - it frees the mind and allows
your scattered thoughts to come together
so that you can make important connections
- such as remembering to drop the key with
your neighbour or to set the burglar alarm
on your way out.
Self-awareness
Be aware of what you associate with
relaxation and fun and use those positive
triggers to help you chill as soon as you
can. It may be the scent of certain oils or it
may be particular music that conjures up
happy memories.
If you’re not driving you could do an uplifting
visualisation - Hoffman graduates will have
a few Process visualisations to choose from.
If you know your mind enjoys something to
chew on, pack puzzles, mandalas to colour
or reading that will take your thoughts down
enjoyable new routes, rather than worrying
about whether you locked the garage.
Create positive expectations
Turn your focus from anxiety to excitement
by focusing on the new experiences you’re
going to have. Read about the wildlife,
landscapes, history and culture of the area
you’re exploring and any excursions on offer.
If the country you are visiting speaks another
language, get some key sentences under
your belt. Audio courses you can listen to
before the holiday are a great choice.
Look after your physical self
The physical and emotional stress of
travelling are both very dehydrating, so
make sure you drink plenty of water and
stretch regularly.
If you’re flying, cabin air is actually dryer
than desert air so reduce consumption of
tea, coffee, alcohol and fizzy drinks which
all use up your water reserves. Eat plenty
of hydrating foods like salads, fruit and
vegetables. If you’re crossing time zones set
your body clock by getting outside as soon
as you arrive.
Physical pampering treatments can be
wonderful ways to relax and taking time
each day for fresh air and exercise will
speed up the time it takes for you to switch
to relax mode.
Reconnect
A major contributory factor to stress is mentally
multi-tasking - our minds so often dwell on the
past or jump ahead to future scenarios.
We are far more relaxed and effective when
focused on the present time and place. So
reduce mental and emotional overload
by taking your eyes off any phone or
computer screens and use your mobile for
emergencies only.
If there are delays during your trip - breathe,
accept these will happen and use them as
a chance to read, listen to music or stretch
your legs. Incorporate something mindful
into your holiday that brings your awareness
into the present moment such as yoga,
writing, photography, breathing exercises or
walking in nature.
Remember that like life, holidays are about
the journey not just the destination, so make
travelling an enjoyable part of your time
away and you’ll arrive finding that you’ve
switched off already.
The benefits of switching
off - A Hoffman story
Coralie Rose, casting director, Hoffman
graduate, www.roadcasting.co.uk
“When I first arrived on the Process
I felt daunted by giving up my
mobile and having to eat in silence
but now I realise what a gift that
was. I’ve kept the habit of eating in
silence, contemplating my food and
being in the moment.
As a family we now turn off our
phones when we’re having ‘family
time’ and at mealtimes. This
requires tremendous discipline but
it has really helped the quality of
our relationships and means we’re
more present to each other. I also
try not to be on the phone when I’m
spending time with our son.”
| 13
CASE STUDY
been living with
‘Freddie, a young man in his 20s, had
suicide. On the
s
her’
constant self-blame since his mot
just a few hours
her
ed
visit
night she killed herself he’d
the morning he
in
t;
men
gree
disa
a
before and they’d had
overdose.
found her dead in bed from a drug
as he felt guilty and
After this shock his life fell to pieces
t if they hadn’t
Wha
h.
deat
s
her’
responsible for his mot
continued to
He
y?
toda
alive
be
argued, would she still
ted to her death
punish himself thinking he’d contribu
him pleasure.
and withdrew from anything that gave
suffering his
How could he enjoy himself after the
mother had gone through?
A
parent, a child, a close friend - when we lose someone we
love our life can turn upside down.
During my years of working with bereavement I’ve met many people
at various stages of the grief cycle, all in very different circumstances
and the one thing they shared was that they were struggling to live
with their feelings of unresolved grief, guilt and underlying confusion.
Phases of grief
DEALING
loss
WITH
Grief takes many forms including shock, disbelief, distress, despair,
acceptance and resolution until you finally feel ready and prepared to
re-engage with the world.
The grieving process can also be delayed by a sense of denial and
the feeling that it’s just a dream and not a reality. This is a very natural
response so it’s important to seek help and a space to release pent
up emotions.
When a parent passes
Although we may expect a parent to die before us, many of us
are surprised at the complexity and depth of our grief when this
happens. You might feel anger, someone else might feel sad that’s how grief works. There’s no ‘right’ way. These feelings can be
surprising or even frightening.
A loss impacts families and friends in different ways. The spirit of
‘let’s pull together’ at a difficult time can surface surprisingly quickly
and unite those affected. On the other hand it can also re-ignite
old emotions such as sibling rivalries and feelings of jealousy.
Demonstrating sensitivity to each other’s needs throughout the
grieving process can only be positive and supportive.
This is often a coping defence to prepare for the inevitable. Grieving
starts far earlier compared to an unexpected death but the usual
emotions are still bubbling away under the surface and need dealing
with in a compassionate, understanding way.
Stillbirth and Miscarriage
The loss of a baby is deeply shocking and distressing. Joining support
groups can be extremely comforting and open communication
with your partner, family and friends is also essential at this time.
The hormones released around this time can also make the mother
feel emotionally volatile, so mental and physical nurture is vital.
If there’s no grave to visit, create a tangible marker on which to focus your
feelings. It’s also important for any siblings to know that there’s nothing
wrong with either Mum or Dad, that miscarriages or stillbirths happen
sometimes, and no one is to blame. An upfront discussion in a language
they can relate to will help them come to terms with the experience.
Dealing with Suicide
When someone we love commits suicide, grieving can be more
complex. Contrary to popular belief suicide is rarely an impulse.
Individuals can appear calm beforehand as if they have found relief
in a solution to their pain. One of the natural responses to suicide is
anger. This can often be directed towards the person who took their
life as well as the surviving family members.
Remember that, for whatever reason, suicide is a choice and no one
is the sole influencer in another’s life. Unfortunately it can evoke
feelings of shame and isolation due to the stigma still attached to it.
You may think life will never return to normal. Be assured that it will
but it will take time. Finding someone to talk to and asking as many
questions as you need is an important part of moving on.
Acceptance and Healing
Although everyone mourns in their own way, there are common stages:
withdrawal, acceptance and finally surviving and learning how to enjoy
life once more. Poignant memories and anniversaries will always be
difficult but in time we can lovingly and peacefully remember our loss
with fond memories of times spent together. It’s experiencing and
accepting grief and not avoiding it that finally heals us.
Clare is based in Sussex where she offers sessions in person and on
the phone to help with bereavement, phobias, lack of confidence,
anxiety, food cravings, weight loss, addictions and relationship
issues. She’s also trained in Solution Focused Hypnotherapy, EFT,
NLP and EMDR. To find out more visit: www.makingachange.co.uk
Helping children say goodbye
Recent research by Dr Colin Murray Parkes shows how the robustness
and security we felt as a child persists as an adult. This can affect how
we react to subsequent losses such as bereavements in adult life.
Death is the final taboo - but not dealing with the
loss of a loved one properly can be devastating.
On the Hoffman Process one of the most common
issues we help with is loss that has not been
properly mourned. Here bereavement therapist
Clare Gilsenan, head of the Hoffman enrolment
team, looks at ways to deal with grief.
14 |
If a child is young when their parent passes they will need truth,
support and encouragement to talk about and express their
innermost thoughts and feelings. Different activities can help both
parent and child to work through their grief and connect with each
other emotionally throughout the grieving process. For example it
can be better to allow the child to come to the funeral with support of
close family and friends rather than to exclude them. But this has to
be an individual choice.
Creating a box of mementoes, or having pictures of the deceased in
view can allow a child to connect with their emotions and be open
about them, while keeping the memory of the parent alive.
Terminal Illness
With a terminal illness, many people will feel they’ve already said
goodbye to their loved one, long before their death.
How to help someone:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
T: +44(0) 1903 88 99 90
Offer practical support such as dropping off a meal,
shopping, helping with thank you letters and emails.
As an employer, give the employee support until they feel able to return to work.
Let the person talk without feeling you have to ‘fix’ them.
Allow children to feel their emotions.
Do not avoid the person or the subject of their
loss, so it becomes ‘the elephant in the room’.
Suggest they visit cruse.org.uk where there’s
lots of advice, some of which is very practical.
Contact them at difficult times such
as birthdays and anniversaries.
Don’t tell them that you understand how they feel, as grief is a very personal experience.
| 15
Why We’re Serious About Change
For two decades the Hoffman Process has been changing lives
for the better in the UK. Here the UK founders, Tim Laurence
and Serena Gordon discuss past, present and future.
Tim Laurence
Serena Gordon
When did you first come across the Process?
A workshop veteran, I came across the Hoffman Process in 1989,
convinced that I had been there, done that and tie-dyed the t-shirt.
Has the Process evolved in the past 20 years – if so how?
And has the profile of people who do it changed in any way?
That was just the beginning.
I like to think that we’ve become kinder and gentler, moving
away from the more strongly-guided, or charismatic, presentation
towards a compassionate one, working on equal terms with people.
Practically speaking there is much more interactive time and more
humane breaks.
At the time I was living in California, having moved there to study
methods of alternative healing, especially the psychological aspect.
Of all the teachers I’ve had, Bob was the most brilliant educator of
human potential. He was also the most unconventional - always ready
to break the rules if they argued with his intuitive style of teaching.
As for the people doing Hoffman – well, what used to be the early
adopters, the trend-setters who prided themselves on being the first
to try something out, has now become the norm. It appeals to a far
wider section of the community. You’re no longer the pioneer, you’re
simply serious about change.
How did a move to establish Hoffman in the UK come about?
What are the plans for the future of Hoffman in the UK?
By then I had trained as a teacher and taught the Process for a
number of years in the US and a few other countries. I’d recently
got married to Serena and we started talking about going back to
England. As we discussed it, we began to get more and more excited
about the idea of taking the Hoffman Process to the UK.
We want to be able to offer the Process to far more people, and not
be so limited by the funding we have available now. We’re looking at
different avenues, and are poised to act – for instance opening a trust
fund and forging new partnerships with socially-minded organisations.
Within half an hour Bob Hoffman had me crying, angry and laughing
and I realised there was no point in hiding behind my usual masks.
Finally, when Serena became pregnant, we bought tickets and upped
sticks to London.
I’d been away for 17 years so, at first it was a bit of an uphill struggle
but gradually word spread about the Process and that’s how it built
its reputation. Even now the majority of participants come through
word of mouth.
More than 7,000 people have done the UK course since you
started it in 1995. Give us a flavour of the sort of people who
have done it and what brings them to it.
There’s really only one type of person who benefits from the Process,
yet it’s a quality that could include the whole spectrum of humanity:
someone who’s ready to look at what’s really going on inside.
What are your ambitions for it?
To get into schools and give kids a basic emotional education and
tools for life. To keep growing so that far more people can benefit.
To have many more Hoffman teachers ready to deliver auxiliary
workshops to children, corporations, social services and so on.
There’s a really large demand out there from all that we hear.
And how will you continue to be involved?
I know that whatever age I get to, or wherever I am in the world, I’ll
always feel a strong connection to Bob and his tradition of passing on
this work in the best way possible. So I will teach here and overseas
and through my position in Hoffman International continue to collect
the best ideas from all the countries in which Hoffman is taught.
That could be a student wondering what to do ‘when they grow up’
or an 80 year old wondering what they have done in their life. In
between, an alphabet soup, from accountants to zen gardeners.
16 |
“The Hoffman facilitators are the best I’ve come across in more than 10 years
of workshops.” Victoria May Clarke, journalist, Irish Independent
When did you first come across the Process?
I first met Bob when Tim and I moved to San Francisco in 1994.
We were newly married and Bob offered us somewhere to stay
while we looked for our first home. Bob took me round San
Francisco in his convertible Cadillac. He was funny, probing and
very intuitive. He used to say, “You can’t fool me, I’m too ignorant”.
When Tim was away teaching the Hoffman Process, Bob used to
make me his favourite chicken soup and he’d gently invite me to
speak about my background.
How did a move to establish Hoffman in the UK come about?
Tim and I had been planning to move back to the UK at some
point when we suddenly discovered that we were expecting our
first child. Over dinner Bob gave us his blessing to start the Process
back in England. At the time, even speaking about this sort of
work was challenging and people were very sceptical. But over
time, with media exposure and public endorsements, we’ve built a
strong reputation with a very supportive graduate network. Under
the umbrella of Hoffman UK, we’ve now run Processes in Ireland,
Scotland, South Africa, Bahrain and Abu Dhabi.
More than 7,000 people have done the UK course since you
started it in 1995. Give us a flavour of the sort of people who
have done it and what brings them to it.
Bob once said the Process was good for “anyone who had a mother
or a father”. However, the most common reasons for coming on the
course are feeling stuck and a lack of fulfilment in relationships or at
work, as well as a sense of life repeating itself. These issues are very
common, so we see a real cross-section of society.
That said, there’s also the question of timing, which is why we have
a thorough registration procedure. We make sure that those who
come on the Process are emotionally ready, robust and willing to do
the work with their heart - not just their head. Over the years, we’ve
developed great networks with therapists and health professionals
so we can offer a stepping stone to doing the Process, if a referral is
more immediately appropriate.
T: +44(0) 1903 88 99 90
Has the Process evolved in the past 20 years – if so how?
And has the profile of people who do it changed in any way?
In 2014, Hoffman International (the organisation that represents Hoffman
centres in 14 countries around the world) agreed to update and revitalise
the Process. In fact it was Tim who was given the task of spear-heading
this project. As a result we’re more relevant now than ever.
Bob Hoffman was ahead of the game when it came to looking at
a person as a Quadrinity: Mind, Emotions, Body and Spirit. Over
the years we’ve seen the world wake up to the value of meditation,
mindfulness, role play, bio-energetic work and the need for
spiritual connection.
Another change is that we’re more able to offer virtual support and
Hoffman graduates connect far more with one another via social
media, Skype or by using the Hoffman App. Bob would be proud.
What are the plans for the future of Hoffman in the UK?
I’ve always been passionate about making Hoffman techniques
available to a younger audience. I’m confident that with our new
management team we’ll be able to reach out more to those who can’t
afford the Process or the time commitment. My vision would be for
Hoffman to be taught as an essential life skill, available in schools and
endorsed by the NHS.
What are your ambitions for it?
It was Bob Hoffman’s dream to “spread peace in the world one
person at a time”. No one who’s done the Process will ever start a war.
If we can educate those in positions of authority, then we can change
the culture of our world for the good.
And how will you continue to be involved?
Hoffman is in my blood now. I’d like to work with young people and
keep expanding the Hoffman graduate network. We have a fantastic
team of professionals poised to take Hoffman to the next level. I’m
proud to have been part of the creation and I’m delighted to watch it
grow and move on.
| 17
t he cast le | t he lodge | t he old stable m ew s
MAKE FRIENDS
with your feelings
Despite a successful career in the corporate world, financial
security and a bright future mapped out with her employer,
Manuela Berger was not happy. So in her mid-20s she took
some time out and did the Hoffman Process. At first she thought
it hadn’t worked for her. But here she explains how the course
sent her life in an unexpected new direction.
O
riginally Swiss, I grew up as an expat child, moving homes,
countries and often continents every two to three years.
Manuela’s top tips
Pay attention to your feelings - stop what
you’re doing and just feel.
Eventually my nomadic international life led me to study hospitality
management and I began a career working for multi-nationals.
Practice labelling your feelings so you know
exactly what they are.
But gradually I started to see older colleagues lose their spark
and just plod along unhappily towards retirement and I became
adamant that I would not end up like them. Although many people
my age were unemployed, I left the apparent luxury of my secure
job. I gave myself the gift of a year to discover what I really wanted.
Whatever you feel, accept it. It’s there
for a reason. Let it be.
Explore the feelings - What do they want you to notice? Is it about your needs, your values, your goals?
I lived in Sri Lanka, the Philippines, Indonesia, Brazil, India and the
United States. I saw the world as my oyster but at the same time, I
had no idea what I wanted.
As part of that year I went to work on a consulting project in
India, then I returned to Switzerland where I supported various
passionate people in realising their dreams.
Finding the next step
Exploring my interests was the best thing I ever did, yet I still
wasn’t sure what would come next and going back to a corporate
job still didn’t feel right. While starting something of my own
appealed I couldn’t decide what that should be and, in short,
I was stuck and felt paralysed.
I tried to make sense of the situation, using my usual way of making
decisions by listing pros and cons and asking everyone I trusted for
their views but for the first time in my life, this led me nowhere.
Quite frankly, I felt stupid and extremely uncomfortable but then I
heard about the Hoffman Process. Various friends of my parents - who
didn’t actually know each other - were raving about this seemingly
mysterious ‘Process’. And when I saw the Hoffman tagline When
you’re serious about change, I felt I had been spoken to directly.
Witnessing my internal struggle, my parents offered me the chance
to take part in the Process for my 26th birthday.
Unlike many others, I didn’t leave the Process completely changed
and actually, I was a bit worried that it hadn’t worked for me at all.
But the truth is, the experiences and lessons from that week were so
profound, they took time to integrate. Although I still felt stuck, I now
had an internal compass to help me go forward - I just needed to
practise using it.
Soul searching
All feelings have good intentions – they are your friends.
I created which I’d put up where I could see them. As this tool
evolved it became clear that it could be useful to others as well.
The idea of my business Feeling Magnets was born which has now
become my focus.
I want to help others explore this incredibly valuable resource we all
have within us and yet often ignore - our emotions.
Life has changed from the inside
My life is very different now - I’m independent, doing what I love, no
longer stuck in relationships that aren’t right for me. And I wouldn’t
want to go back.
Paying attention to my feelings has taken me to a whole new level
of self-awareness and I have also made some very important and
difficult choices. Where I used to go back on my decisions many
times, I now have more security and clarity to follow through on
them with a calm confidence.
My closest friends and family often comment on how different I am
now – and for the better. When I ask what they mean, they say that I
am more at peace, calmer, softer, gentler, more considerate of others,
more patient and tolerant.
My mother often tells people it might be for the best that I wasn’t
married before completing the Process, seeing how much I’ve changed.
My biggest wish is that I’d learned all this earlier - I’d love it to have
learned it from my parents or in school. But the good news is that it’s
never too late. If a stubborn, rational and analytical person like I once was
can become friends with my feelings, then really anyone can.
It dawned on me that my feelings had been controlled by my rational
mind, or intellect.
People are often hesitant to look closely at their feelings or to express
them. It is vital to understand that we are not our feelings. They give us
valuable information to guide us but they should not define us.
I’d tell myself: “I have a great family, a nice home and so many options
- I should feel happy.” But that’s not how it works and coming home
after the Process, I decided I really needed to learn to consciously
feel. So I practised daily, just paying attention to my feelings and
writing them down.
Emotions come and go in waves, let’s not give them form by defining
ourselves by any emotion. I am not a sad person but I do sometimes feel
sad. And yes, that’s what makes me human. It’s what makes me more
compassionate, more empathetic and it shows me what’s important.
Along the way I created a fun tool to build my emotional vocabulary
where I would choose feelings from a selection of magnetic labels
18 |
A rural retreat in the heart of Ireland…
To find out more about Manuela’s innovative resources for
bringing awareness to your emotions and how they can help
you navigate through life, visit www.feelingmagnets.com
“The Process goes deeply into the way participants have learned about love through
their families.” Lesley Garner, author, Everything I’ve Ever Done That Worked
N
estled on 1,000 acres of undulating Irish countryside, dotted with ancient
woodland and glittering lakes, Castle Leslie Estate is one of the last great
Irish estates still in the hands of its founding family. Steeped in history, full
of character and charm, it is the ultimate Irish rural escape.
Only 80 minutes from Dublin and 60 minutes
from Belfast, Castle Leslie Estate boasts a
variety of accommodation and activities to suit
all tastes. The Castle, at the heart of the Estate,
offers authentic original interiors and old-style
hospitality and is a complete respite from the
world. The Lodge is the social hub of the Estate,
a country house boutique hotel that brings
locals and guests together in an atmosphere of
conviviality and comfort. The Old Stable Mews
and Village Cottages are the perfect spot for
groups that want the convenience of hotel living
combined with private luxury home rental.
Castle Leslie Estate, Glaslough, Monaghan
Castle Leslie Estate offers an idyllic setting for
outdoor activity and adventure. Explore the
Estate on horseback, enjoy some of Ireland’s
finest coarse fishing, take in a movie at our
private cinema, luxuriate in a relaxing massage
in the Victorian treatment rooms, exhilarate
in a abundance of outdoor adventures, or just
borrow a pair of wellies from our boot room and
go for a stroll on our 1,000 acres – just some of
the choices that await you in this hidden corner
of Ireland.
t: + 353 47 88 100
www.castleleslie.com
the edge
LIVING ON
Singer songwriter Lotte Mullan’s
music has won her critical
acclaim and her music-business
inspired blog was snapped
up for a book and film by
Elton John. But despite all
this success, she became
increasingly unhappy.
Here she explains how the
Hoffman Process helped her
conquer her demons.
F
“I needed to
address my issues
– there had to be
a cut-off point
for blaming my
childhood for
everything”
or years I suffered with a constant sense of
unease - a crippling feeling that gravity would
lose its grip and at any second I’d be flung out
into the unknown.
There is a strong history of mental illness in my family and I grew
up surrounded by a lot of unpredictable behaviour including
domestic violence.
The anticipation that something terrible was about to happen
hung over my head all the time and I found myself living with
a sense of anxiety mixed with burning rage. The anger rarely
manifested itself in public but I was hiding behind a false,
confident persona. In reality I was depressed, self-harming and
being very difficult to those close to me.
I decided, aged 27, I needed to address my issues - there had to
be a cut-off point for blaming my childhood for everything and
I wanted to take responsibility for my feelings and actions. I just
didn’t know how.
This environment breeds a strong tendency to swing from
being on a high (natural or otherwise) with a throbbing ego,
convinced of your own greatness, to feeling worthless and
utterly alone.
I’d tried some conventional therapies and a good few years
of anti-depressants but nothing had any lasting effect. I’d feel
momentarily better but then slip back into bad habits very
quickly. I’d seen a friend of mine transformed into a much
calmer person after doing the Hoffman Process so I decided to
give it a try.
The propensity to measure your self worth by other people’s
appraisal of you is as damaging for your state of mind as it is
for your creative output. At your lowest point the temptation
to self medicate and self-harm is strong and unfortunately the
nature of this industry not only makes these temptations easy
but actively encourages them.
Confronting Fears
In March 2012 I arrived at Florence House,
where the Process is held, in a manic state.
I was especially freaked out about parting
with my phone for a week. The idea of
relinquishing control was terrifying to me.
“I started to
fall in love
with the life I
already had”
I also had some pretty cynical ideas about
taking part in therapy with other ‘crazy’
people. I imagined we’d be sitting in a circle
holding hands, while a rainbow-scarf wearing,
soft-voiced therapist told us to “just be kind” to ourselves. Happily,
I was proved wrong.
There are in-depth studies behind the Hoffman Process and
the mixture of approaches (including gestalt, behavioural and
cognitive therapy) aim to tackle personal problems from many
different angles. There is nowhere to hide.
That might sound frightening but for me it was the only way. I
really benefited from the intensity of the course as I was unable
to fall back into negative patterns like I would at home. I had
to confront them head on and having no distractions from the
outside world really helped.
One of the most powerful insights I gained from the Process
was that we often transfer negative traits from our parents
on to people we meet later in life. Before Hoffman, if I was
around somebody who was raising their voice or gesticulating
wildly I would find myself clamming up and feeling a sense of
anxiety that was disproportionate to the scenario I was in. I now
understand that I wasn’t seeing that person at all, but reliving a
fear from years ago. My fight and flight responses were skewed
and I would often feel strong dislike for a perfectly reasonable
person who had unknowingly triggered a bad memory for me.
A big part of the Process is identifying these triggers and
negative patterns of behaviour but an even larger part is
devoted to how to confront them. I have learnt methods of
dealing with my anxiety and found ways to self-soothe, which is
such a relief. It had become exhausting constantly looking for
enemies and somebody to blame for my fears. I can now create
a feeling of safety for myself, independent from what is going on
around me. This is incredibly liberating.
It has also proved invaluable in my work as a singer and
songwriter. My relationship with the music business used to be
one of feast or famine. Some days it felt like everybody wanted
a piece of me and the phone wouldn’t stop ringing and then,
in contrast to this, months could go by with no work at all.
One of the tools Hoffman imparted
to me is the ability to dim the angry,
frightened voice in my head which
was previously prone to critiquing
myself and everyone around me. This
voice has not gone but I can identify
what it is now and instead of being
ruled by it I can see it as something
separate from myself.
I found the visualisations we did on
the Process really useful in centering
some of my manic tendencies and have since become
interested in mindfulness and meditation. This had been an
invaluable part of me staying on the rails since Hoffman.
I feel I have been granted the courage to take the reins in my
own life. Instead of waiting for that moment when someone
grants me success, I’ve set up a business which ticks away
nicely under its own steam. I write songs as gifts for people to
give to their loved ones and I record albums and play gigs.
Beyond this I spend time with my friends and family. I now
have a much better relationship with certain people close to
me who I’d found it really difficult to be around previously.
Falling back in love with life
I had wondered if doing the Process would make me want
to flee London and quit my career in music but quite the
opposite happened.
I started to fall in love with the life I already had. I began to
realise that what I enjoyed most was having a connection with
people through music and I was able to acknowledge that
I didn’t need to be an entertainer in the realms of Madonna
(fabulous though she is).
It was a relief to discover that I like writing small songs about
ordinary people and zooming in on matters of the heart.
Inspired by the Process I have even written a song about my
parents called You Must’ve Loved Him Once.
Lotte has made ‘You Must’ve Loved Him Once’ available
as a free download to readers of the Hoffman Magazine.
Log on to www.bespokesongs.com/hoffman
Lotte will write a song for you personally to
celebrate a special occasion or a loved one. To
find out more visit www.bespokesongs.com
For more information about Lotte’s music or to buy
any of her albums visit www.lottemullan.com
20 |
“One of the strengths of Hoffman is its follow-up support. It feels as
caring and thoughtful as the rest of it.” Jayne Allen, Therapy Today
T: +44(0) 1903 88 99 90
| 21
I’M A
FAILURE
I’M NOT
GOOD ENOUGH
MISS DEADLINES
/ SELF SABOTAGE
Vicious
Circles
W
e all have patterns of
behaviour, default settings that
we employ consistently but it’s
these very patterns such as needing to
be in control or hyper-anxiety that could
be holding you back from getting the
most out of life.
Who we are is of course so much more than
the sum of our automatic reactions. We
possess many wonderful qualities such as
being creative, joyful, silent, wise, passionate
and loving.
Yet time and time again, certain behaviours
get in our way. They could be roles such as
playing the victim, acting the martyr or the
pleaser. They might be ways of thinking
such as looking at the world over-critically or
sceptically. They may be recurring feelings
such as anger or depression.
The problem with patterns is that we have
no power over them. Bob Hoffman summed
it up best when he said: “Better to use a
pattern than be used by one.” But just how
easy is it to make that switch?
Explaining behaviour
Why do we create patterns of behaviour?
Well, it’s more passive than that. We
usually learn them as children when our
brains are at their most receptive and we
are at our most dependent.
We take on a certain set of behaviours
without being aware of them, simply
learning from our parents and others so
that we can survive and hopefully thrive in
our environment.
22 |
Patterns of
behaviour
- can we ever
really change?
Identifying the patterns that can run
our lives is at the very heart of the
Hoffman Process. Here we explore why
spotting those patterns and learning to
unravel them could change your life.
We may copy them, for example, if a parent
is very optimistic, we could learn that the
world is a place where good things happen.
A depressed, sad parent will most likely lead
to a child with low energy and perhaps a
learned helplessness.
Another reaction may be to rebel, in which
case you’d adopt the opposite attitude. Did
your parent criticise you regularly? In which
case it would seem normal to either look at
the world, or just yourself, with that critical
eye or to become over-tolerant.
Because we see these patterns every day in
the family home they become all too familiar
in the true sense of the word. Our brains
form neural pathways which become set
and over-used. It’s like always walking across
the grass the same way – a well-worn route
develops and we no longer think about if it’s
the best way to go.
Our most common patterns
In the Process, the annual top rankings
invariably contain low self-esteem and a
general feeling of not being good enough.
These can be the drivers of perfectionism
– “I must get it right”. Alternatively they can
prompt the opposite, resignation – “What’s
the point of bothering?”
There also appears to be an epidemic of
feeling numb, shut down or emotionally
cut off - usually more common in men than
women, but not confined to them. What
men and women do share are significant
patterns around relationships - often fearing
abandonment or, in a strange way, setting
themselves up for rejection: “See, no one’s
really going to love me so I might as well call
it a day right now.”
It is because of this that Bob Hoffman often
began his pattern search by asking: “So,
how’s your love life?”
All patterns, whether anxiety or over-control,
pleasing others or withdrawing from life,
stem from a deep, vulnerable and hidden
sense of, “am I OK just as I am, or do I have to
prove myself?”
It’s in a very young part of our brain, but
it comes with us through life, like an old
suitcase that we don’t notice we’re dragging
around anymore.
So how do you recognise a pattern? Often
they can be sensed in the body – for instance
you get an email saying your boss is not
happy with something you did. You quickly
lose your sense of calm and begin to worry.
The body reflects this with a tightness around
the temples or butterflies in the stomach.
Breathing is another give-away - it frequently
becomes shallower.
Unravel your patterns
We know the problem so what’s the
solution? The Hoffman Process has four
clear steps to change.
The first is awareness. Often people need
help identifying what’s right in front of their
eyes. You need to learn to become aware
gently - beating yourself up for being a
certain way is not starting things off on the
right foot. Say to yourself in a calm, kind
tone, “Oh, there I go again … it’s just a
pattern … breathe”.
WORK
BURNOUT
WORK HARDER
MUST DO
BETTER
EXIT POINT
Limit working hours
Diarise regular breaks
EXIT POINT
Challenge negative belief
Replace with new positive
statement – ‘I am enough’
EXIT POINT
Invite feedback from
friends about your worklife
I AM
WORTHLESS
STAY IN
DEPRESSION
SELF LOATHING
DEPRESSION
DISTRACTION
EAT/DRINK
TO EXCESS
DISTRACTION
USING INTERNET
WATCHING TV
Healthy expression leads to a conscious forgiveness of
WORK
yourself and others for past
mistakes - and a resolve to learn
WORK REALLY
BURNOUT
from those. Remember, you don’t have to condone
the acts,
HARD / ACHIEVE
but you need not condemn yourself or other people for what
happened due to automatic, compulsive behaviour patterns.
WORK HARDER
MUST DO
EXIT POINT
Finally, you have the chance to learnBETTER
and then act with new
Limit working hours
behaviour. You can take your innate positive
qualities, those
Diarise regular breaks
EXIT POINT
EXIT POINT
negative
belief
of your
build on
them.
Invite feedback
fromessential or authentic self, andChallenge
Replace
with
new
positive
friends about your worklife
statement – ‘I am enough’
Experts say it takes around 30 days to make a new behaviour
truly habitual. So, for a month do something differently. Get
up earlier to prove your own choice of mind over mattress.
Start a journal or a sketch book.
Hoffman graduates can use specific techniques like the Quad
Check (checking in with your body, thoughts, feelings and
spiritual self), Recycling or Visioning.
If you’re a perfectionist, challenge yourself for 30 days
to delegate or leave things undone. If you are prone to
procrastination list the ways you’ve suffered as a result
then burn the list with a sense of release and set yourself
some firm deadlines.
Life is a precious gift because it offers us endless
opportunities for growth. But we must learn to seize control
of our patterns and become what we’ve always been –
loving individuals, here to make the world a better place.
T: +44(0) 1903 88 99 90
Do something different
ly – and do it now.
FEEL
ISOLATED
I’M A
If it’s really emotionally charged,
for instance you’re
FAILURE
totally fed up with the sense
that you’re always to blame,
I’M NOTor even
let out
the frustration through running, shouting
MISS
DEADLINES
GOOD ENOUGH
/ punching
SELF SABOTAGE
a cushion.
The next step is a healthy expression of
what’s been controlling you. This could take
the form of writing a journal or sharing with a
trusted friend - a benevolent witness.
“Personally I found that the course gave me a road map.” Author, psychologist and cell biologist, Joan Borysenko
WORK REALLY
HARD / ACHIEVE
Pattern Busters
Once you have identifie
d the patterns you can
sta
break them. Try some
of these simple techniqu rt to
es:
Spend some time alone
– ask yourself “What am
I thinking? What am
I feeling? What am I sen
sing?”
Spot your red flags – suc
h as being run down, taking on too much
work or skipping meals
.
Be active – walk, run,
dance and use your bod
y.
Write it down – expres
s your feelings on the pag
e.
Talk – share it with a
friend who will
understand and offer
positive support.
Forgive yourself – jus
t because you have
made bad decisions
before does not make you a bad per
son now.
Are you stuck in a repeating pattern?
Tick each statement below which would best describe
you. This will help you identify the patterns that might
be impacting on your life – be completely honest:
I am not good enough – I don’t deserve
a good relationship or fulfilling work
I have to do everything because noone can do it as well as I can
If I am alone for long periods I get nervous and afraid
My relationships fail because I don’t
want to risk getting too close to anyone
When something goes wrong I blame
myself - it’s always my fault
I tell people what to do to make
sure it is done correctly
Other people are better at most things than I am
I allow people to treat me badly
because I fear confrontation
I stay quiet most of the time even
if I disagree with others
I avoid situations I believe will be hard
- ‘What’s the point of bothering?’
| 23
Hoffman homes
Florence House, in East Sussex, has been the primary venue for the
Process for many years now.
Graduate Michelle Stevenson, who was one of the first people to take
the UK Process back in 1996, stumbled across Florence House while
out walking along the cliffs of Seaford Head. She was drawn to the
majestic property and as she walked towards it to investigate further
met the owner and discovered it was for sale.
Within months she had moved in and began creating a new home
for the Process. She renamed the house after her mother and it
remains our primary venue to this day.
Alongside Florence House, the Process can also be undertaken at the
picturesque Dunford House, in West Sussex.
“Home is not where
you live but where
they understand you”
This large yet discreet Victorian house is set in 60-acres of private
woodland at the foot of the stunning South Downs. Dunford’s size
means we can accommodate a larger group – and it is just an hour
from London.
Christian Morgenstern, German poet
Steve Walker, who manages Florence House so well, has seen the
Process adapt and grow at close quarters for over 15 years. Everyone
who has met him and his team says they wouldn’t change a thing.
While Mairin Colleary, the present owner of Florence House, always
warmly encourages guests to: “treat Florence House as if it were your
home” and, for the week of the Process, that’s just what it feels like.
But it is the attentive and friendly staff that makes the atmosphere
at both venues special. Experts in hospitality, they also understand
the need for discretion and calm. They are on hand throughout the
Process to ensure everyone is happy.
Soul food
Food is more than just fuel – and when people are embarking on such
intense, expressive work, what they put into their bodies is vital.
The delicious menu is designed to provide exactly what is needed
at specific stages of the course – and this attention to detail is often
remarked upon by those who attend. The food is not randomly
chosen – it has been designed and honed over the years.
For example, during the sensitive, emotional moments at the
beginning of the week, uncomplicated, tasty, nutritious food is
provided. And, of course, specific diets can always be catered for.
The green,
green grass
of home
In fact the Hoffman Process food is such a hit that the team at
Florence House have produced a cookery book of recipes that
people can buy after the course.
Over the last two decades the Hoffman Process has been
hosted in venues which range from monastic simplicity to
the elegance of former stately homes. What they provide
in common is a comfortable, safe, nurturing environment
situated in an area of outstanding natural beauty.
24 |
“The Hoffman Process is the equivalent of a psychological detox. This inner work is essential
for true health and happiness.” Patrick Holford, author, The Stress Cure
For more venue information please visit www.florencehouse.co.uk
and www.dunfordhouse.org.uk
MAIN IMAGE: Florence House sits near the cliffs of Seaford Head THIS PAGE LEFT TOP TO
BOTTOM: Florence House is the Hoffman Process’ primary venue | Typical accommodation
at Florence House | Dunford House bathed in summer sunshine | Cosy up by the fire at
Dunford House THIS PAGE RIGHT: A typical spread at Florence House
T: +44(0) 1903 88 99 90
| 25
PUTTING
YOUR FAMILY
in f cus
Blood is thicker than water.
But although the bond we share
runs strong and deep and the
love we hold is unconditional
- that doesn’t mean that
our family relationships
are always plain sailing.
Here two Hoffman graduates explore how
they have applied Process techniques
to the relationships with their children,
parents – and even ex-husbands.
Their journeys were not easy – but
they are inspirational.
26 |
“Doing the Hoffman Process was the most positive step I’ve taken to becoming content.” Penny, finance director, King’s Lynn,
T: +44(0) 1903 88 99 90
| 27
Shifting dynamics
helping to heal
relationships
When Julia Pitt’s marriage came
to an end a difficult relationship
remained with her ex-husband as
they parented their young son. Here
she explores how a week-long course
transformed the ill feeling into a
much healthier family dynamic.
Following the Process, I found positive shifts in many
relationships, especially with my mother.
My relationship with my son improved greatly and continues to do
so as I’m more mindful of his needs and aware of my reactions.
The best result has been the changed dynamic when dealing
with my son’s dad. I asked him to come to Bermuda for our
son’s birthday and my little boy got to have both his parents
for lunch on his special day. I find I’m less quick to fear or judge
our interactions and, for the first time, I’m really beginning to
understand the meaning of forgiveness.
Professionally the Process has had a dramatic effect on my
work. Besides giving me a new vocabulary and way of discussing ideas with
clients, my approach now places a greater emphasis on coaching holistically.
I’ve introduced more spiritual wellbeing and write from a place of greater
personal authenticity in my weekly coaching column for Bermuda’s daily
newspaper, the Royal Gazette.
I fully understand this is only the start of a life-long journey. There are days
(even weeks) when the world seems to spin so fast that I struggle just to
keep my head above water, swimming in those habits and patterns that I’d
acknowledged, expressed and hoped I’d put an end to.
However we can’t un-know
something, so moments of
awareness and self-reflection
still filter through everyday life,
although I’m yet to establish
the daily practices that I
envisage for myself. A five-year
old isn’t conducive to morning
meditation, sadly.
Photos of Julia courtesy of Justin Lambert
M
y journey towards the
Hoffman Process began with
a phone call. A friend told
me about her colleague who had just
returned “looking amazing and totally
inspired after a self-improvement retreat
that sounds right up your alley”.
“However much
we think we may
know, there is
always more
to learn”
As a success coach in my home island of
Bermuda, I’m always interested in personal
development challenges. I was intrigued so
immediately began researching the Process. And was sorely tempted.
The Hoffman campus in California, with its trickling streams and
redwood trees, sounded alluring. But as a divorced, single mum of a
five-year-old boy whose dad lives in England, I couldn’t see a way for
me to attend. Winning the lottery seemed more likely.
Then I found Hoffman UK and the universe worked its magic. The
July Process started the very day I was due to arrive in London
dropping my son with his dad for a three-week holiday. My
ex-husband agreed to meet us from the plane and the six-hour
overnight flight arrived on schedule.
Although bleary-eyed, I jumped straight on a train to arrive at
stunning Florence House on the Sussex coast, just in time for the
9.30am start.
How was the Process different?
I’d done my homework, but no amount of research can prepare
you for the Process itself. I’d come in running a pattern of “I’ve
done this kind of thing before … how’s this going to be different?”
I was amazed.
I’d set the intention to commit fully and be really open to the
experience, although I couldn’t switch off my practitioner’s eye
entirely, so there remained a thread of awareness about the
mechanics of the Process too. I found the techniques and the form
of the journey the course leaders took us on to be tight, elegant and
well constructed. These thoughts ran quietly alongside my week-long
journey of deep, personal discovery.
28 |
The coaching approach I studied before the
Process doesn’t delve much into the past,
except to explore what’s worked well before
or not, and to look at limiting beliefs that
have repeatedly held us back. So tracing
our patterns back to early childhood and
examining our fundamental needs and how
they have or have not been met was like
finding a corner piece of the puzzle.
I’d long been aware of the effects of negative
actions by our early caregivers, but for the first time I understood
the equally powerful effects of a parent’s absence during childhood.
Similarly, recognising the four aspects of myself: physical, intellectual,
emotional and spiritual - what Hoffman call ‘the Quadrinity’ - was
a huge shift for me. I realised how divorced I’d become from my
spiritual self and how out of tune I was with my body.
My biggest breakthrough
The work we did on vindictiveness and compassion was an epiphany.
I had previously intellectually decided to be compassionate about
the painful marriage and acrimonious divorce I’d been through. I
told myself I was ‘over it’ and yet I discovered that allowing myself
to access the deeply repressed anger I felt towards my son’s father and even more frighteningly, towards myself – created an incredible
emotional and physical release.
There was a feeling of freedom from a poison that I wasn’t aware
I was still carrying. This was all complemented by the warm,
welcoming environment that is Florence House with its inspiring
coastal pathways, and being embraced by a group of brave,
sincere, fellow soul-seekers.
An especially fond memory is jumping into the freezing ocean off the
pebbly Seaford beach with some comrades, in the throes of really
‘living’. Just the thought brings a smile to my face.
“If you think you’ve tried everything, this is the one to try.” DJ and artist, Goldie
I’m in an ongoing process of
straying off, recognising, then
correcting back to the path … and
trying to be gentle with myself
along the way.
Continued support
My Process group has been a stalwart
of post-process life. The email
group was tremendously important,
especially at the start, trying to
reintegrate into the real world after
such an intensive time together.
It provides a safe, supportive forum in which to share with like-minded people
to whom I shall always feel magically connected. It’s quieter than it was in the
beginning, but I read the emails with heartfelt gratitude to these wonderful
people who are being vulnerable, sharing their stories of bravery, heartache,
discovery and joy.
Meanwhile, I’ve found a Hoffman Facebook group in Bermuda and a
surprising number of graduates on the island. It’s been wonderful to feel that
connection of joint experience here on home soil, as well as to practise the
tools together at occasional meetings.
Hoffman not only gave me a deeper sense of self, joy and spiritual
connection, but also a new community. The experience is like no other and I’d
say to anyone considering it, find the courage and take the leap.
However much we think we may know, there is always more to learn.
Julia Pitt is a success coach and certified NLP practitioner
in Bermuda. www.juliapittcoaching.com
T: +44(0) 1903 88 99 90
s
Julia’s tips for succes
in life and work:
in order - whether at
Get your relationships
rything flows from that.
home or at work - eve
potential problems
Awareness - be alert to
and spot where you
before they blow up
ention.
need to give your att
journey - you won’t
Understand that it’s a
or without mistakes
get there in one hop
rself.
– so be gentle with you
nd and be guided
Keep your vision in mi
f.
by your authentic sel
“I’d done my
homework, but no
amount of research
can prepare you for
the Process itself ”
Top tool: Your clarity compass
In all situations know what you truly want and
why. From that knowledge it becomes easy to
make decisions and speak from a place of clarity
and authenticity.
For example, I was coaching a client working in a
large corporation who was feeling confused, and
doubting whether she would enjoy a promotion
she had previously coveted.
We dug into what she really wanted, to make
the role meaningful for her: ‘to represent to
others what it means to be successful while
being yourself.’
| 29
POWERFUL
parenting
Trained teacher, nursery school manager
and relationship coach Carole Saad was
convinced she would be a natural mother.
But the reality of parenting turned out
to be quite different from the vision.
I
definitely underestimated the
overwhelming impact emotions,
personal history and stress had
on my behaviour and attitudes when I
became a parent.
And I must confess, the result was not always
in accordance with my philosophy and
expertise. It had been much easier for me to
advise and help others than it was to apply all
that knowledge and theory to my own life.
“ The conflict over
how to raise our
children was
damaging our
marriage”
My husband Nadim had a very different parenting style
to myself. As he says: “My parenting resulted from a strict
upbringing, which I found myself replicating with my own
children - particularly during stressful moments.
“I believed that Carole was too lenient with the kids and not
consistent in setting boundaries. This led me to become even stricter
in order to compensate for what I perceived to be her failings.”
“I also felt I was being forced into the role of ‘bad cop’, which was
damaging my connection with my children. I started to blame
Carole for creating this situation.”
So how did we cope with these differences
in parenting styles?
But then in 2012 Nadim attended the Hoffman
Process. And a year later I also took part - It was an
eye-opening experience.
We discovered that our natural parenting reflexes
were much more likely to be emotional reactions
to the way we were parented ourselves - what
the sociologists call inherited parenting style. So,
rather than having an innate ability to separate
what was right from what was wrong for our
children, we were placing our faith in a set of
personal beliefs about child raising based on our experience
of being parented ourselves.
The Process also made us aware of the huge impact parents
have on their children - both positive and negative.
This motivated us even further to find ways to break the
cycle of these negative, inherited parenting styles.
We were determined to stop perpetuating
patterns from generation to generation.
What we really needed to save
our marriage and become better
parents was a more objective way
of co-parenting that would work
for both of us.
Methods
As part of our research, we looked at the world’s most
successful parenting methods and recent data from child
psychologists, neuroscientists and specialists in education
and what we found were logical insights as to what motivated
our children’s behaviour and our own that are simply based
on common sense.
We gained new knowledge and awareness of our parenting
styles, which really helped us to be more accepting of one
another and to start becoming better parents. We stopped
trying to alter each other’s parenting styles to match our own
version of the perfect parent and instead we started working
together as a team to make up for each other’s weaknesses.
Here are five key principles that we
share in more detail in the book:
Give your children empathy as often as
possible - and do not discount their feelings. We tend to reproduce the way our parents have acted with us, and it’s quite common to want to reassure our children. For example, Since our gut reactions were often proving
counterproductive, we focused instead on finding alternative
strategies that would give us the choice
to react differently.
“Don’t worry, it’s going to be ok” or to try and toughen them up, “Come on, it’s not that bad, it’s not worth crying about It worked – and so life-changing were our discoveries we
decided to write a book. Kids Don’t Come With a Manual
– The Essential Guide to a Happy Family Life allowed us to
share our discoveries with others.
being acknowledged, and they will continue to not trust their feelings as they grow and become adults.
For more parenting tips visit www.bestofparenting.com
where you’ll also find Nadim and Carole’s book Kids
Don’t Come With a Manual – The Essential Guide to a
Happy Family Life and lots of other useful resources.
“The Process also
made us aware of
the huge impact
parents have on
their children”
How Hoffman opened our eyes
The conflict over how to raise our children
was damaging our marriage.
Daily disagreements were flaring up, with accusations
that one was being too strict and the other too lenient.
Of course both of us were convinced our parenting
style was the right one.
30 |
Our top parenting tips:
this”. Neither is good for kids because their feelings aren’t Coach your children to own and solve their problems so they become self-responsible. The key to coaching them is to show empathy for their predicament. For example saying “You seem to be really bothered by this” and then guide them to own their problem by asking them the key phrase “What are you going to do about it?”.
Allow your children to have some control over their lives – offer them limited choices and ask them questions. Our default mode as parents is to give orders, particularly when our children are younger. Finding alternatives allows them to become more cooperative. For example, instead of “We’re leaving the park in five minutes”, try “Would you like to leave the park now or in five minutes?”.
Model any behaviour you want your children to adopt – starting with respect and joy. Leading by example is one of
the most important things we can do as parents. What
parent, at one point or another hasn’t exclaimed to their
pre-teen daughter, “Don’t talk to me in that tone of voice
young lady” using the exact same tone of voice that we’re
asking them not to use.
When you say or do something you regret, you can use
T: +44(0) 1903 88 99 90
‘rewind and replay’ and ‘repair’ to help keep a strong
connection with your children. When we’ve reacted in a
way that we aren’t proud of, we can ‘rewind’ to the moment
things went ‘off course’ (doing this in a humorous way
makes this technique doubly effective) by reversing the steps
and ‘replaying’ the situation the way we would like it to be.
When we repair they see that we can also make mistakes
and amends and from that they will learn to take
responsibility for their actions.
| 31
MATTHEW
PRUEN
HOFFMAN
TEACHER &
RELATIONSHIP
COACH
Pilgrim’s Progress
One to one
sessions
the Hoffman way
Couples’
Intensives
London or
Bordeaux
Individuals & Couples
[email protected]
www.matthewpruen.com
www.retreat.fr
UKCP - MBACP
WPA Provider
Hoffman Institute UK’s new managing
director David Wallace, draws parallels
between the ancient pilgrimage to Santiago
and undertaking the Hoffman Process.
F
inisterre was the end of the world
according to the Romans.
And the numbers are
growing – exponentially.
It is a rocky promontory at the north
west extremity of Spain and sticks out
into the Atlantic like a gnarled finger
pointing the way. Next stop, America.
Nowadays as few as
10% of the walkers are
Christian pilgrims but it was
perhaps fitting I enjoyed that lunch with one of
them – a reminder of the traditional roots of the walk, which stretch
back a thousand years.
This was the end of my 90-kilometre, five-day
walk from Santiago de Compostela.
After a final day’s walking along the
stunning coastline of deserted white, sandy
beaches, I arrived in the small town of
Finisterre on my birthday.
I celebrated with a delicious lunch of huge,
garlicky prawns just plucked from the sea and
a glass of Albarino, my favourite white tipple
of the region.
I shared lunch with a characterful Korean,
Roman Catholic priest currently living in
Tooting, South London – a wonderful example
of 21st century cosmopolitism –
and we compared notes.
“All walkers have
their own reasons
and everyone
walks their
own Camino”
He had taken just three days to walk from Santiago but had been on
the trail from south west France for five weeks before that.
Finisterre is the last leg of the Camino de Santiago de Compostela –
an ancient Christian pilgrimage to the believed burial place of Saint
James the Apostle in Santiago Cathedral.
There are many different routes to Santiago from all across France and
the Spanish peninsula but the most popular is the Camino Francés
which starts in St Jean Pied de Port in the foothills of the Pyrenees.
It’s a gruelling 790 kilometres (500 miles) but hundreds of thousands
of pilgrims complete it every year.
32 |
“Since Hoffman I’ve been open to new relationships and to giving and
receiving love again.” Ged Ferguson, five element acupuncturist
T: +44(0) 1903 88 99 90
My lunch companion was the last of a series
of fleeting friendships made along the way.
When we’d finished eating we raised our
glasses to each other in acknowledgement
of our respective walking feats before setting
off separately on the last 3.5 kilometres of our
journey to the end of the world.
The other 90% of walkers do it for all manner
of reasons – a physical challenge, a break from
work, a culinary tour (the route takes you through
some of Spain’s top gastronomic and wine
growing regions including Rioja) or for a spiritual
reawakening. All walkers have their own reasons and everyone walks
their own Camino.
For me, my mini pilgrimage was for all the above but also because I’d
arranged to meet two friends as they completed the full monty from
South West France.
After Finisterre, I returned to Santiago, collected my wife Kasumi, and
then set out to join our friends as they walked the last 10 kilometres
of their six-week epic.
My own Camino history goes back to October 2013. Two years earlier
I’d undergone major heart surgery and when I finally felt restored to
health I wanted a physical challenge to test my new arterial plumbing.
| 33
David’s tips for walking the Camino:
The Camino Francés is now becoming
increasingly popular and in high season can
become very crowded – particularly as you get
closer to Santiago.
The walk from Sarria can easily be done in a
week and is therefore very attractive to those
who just want to take a short time off work.
Go in Spring through to May or late September / October.
For a less populated walk, consider one of the
“I celebrated with a delicious
lunch of huge, garlicky prawns
just plucked from the sea”
The idea of the London marathon has never appealed but in late
2012, I happened upon a rather wonderful movie called ‘The Way’
with Martin Sheen.
It’s the story of a Californian doctor who travels to France to collect
the body of his grown up son who has tragically died on the first
day of walking the Camino. He decides to have the cremation in
France and sets out on his own journey to Santiago scattering his
son’s ashes on the way.
It’s an uplifting story of an outwardly successful man but one who
lives in his intellect, in narrow-minded anger with the world and with
horizons that stretch no further than the local golf course.
His journey sees him transform into a fun-loving being, capable of
real connection with people from different backgrounds.
I managed to enlist two like-minded close
friends - Sean Curtis-Ward (aka Great Uncle
Sean because this wonderful man is like
everyone’s favourite Uncle) and Oliver Walker
(aka Walker the Walker, because there is hardly
a trail he hasn’t walked or a mountain he
hasn’t climbed in the western world) – to do
the journey with me.
One had done the Hoffman Process and the
other could probably tell you pretty much
everything about the Process by the end of
the journey, as we talked about it so much.
other routes such as the Camino de Norte, which
starts in Irun in the Spanish Basque country and
follows the beautiful northern coastline of Spain,
passing through Santander and Bilbao. Or
possibly the Camino Portugués, which you can start
in Lisbon or Oporto – again a route less travelled.
For a shorter distance, walk from Santiago to
Finisterre as I did or vice versa. About 5%
of pilgrims do this stretch and there were
times I could walk for an hour or two without
seeing another person. But if you want to claim
your credencial you will need to add a few more
miles to Muxia to get over the 100 kilometres.
At busy times, there is extreme pressure on
accommodation. There is nothing worse than
arriving exhausted at the end of a long day’s
walk only to find no room at the inn. Better
to call ahead and make sure you have a bed. Or
like I did, use a company to book your overnight
stays. (See: www.awayfromthecrowds.com).
But beyond this he finally sees his son, whom he’d previously
considered wayward, through a lens of true understanding and love.
We were not only kindred spirits but likebodied too. Between us we had two heart conditions and Oliver
who, in his 60 years, has perhaps overdone the walking and had a hip
replacement only three months before our trip.
The movie struck a chord – a physical challenge with a deeper
purpose. And what’s more it looked like a lot of fun.
So it was that these three old crocks set out for a week’s walking and
joyful companionship through the lush Galician countryside.
Do it in your own time and leave any competitive
I felt that the full 500 miles might be a test too far for my recovering
ticker but that I could walk some of it.
What a week it was.
need to keep up with the hiking Joneses at home.
Nor at 60 did I particularly want to spend sleepless nights in a hostel
dormitory with a bunch of snoring walking companions – as charming
as I am sure they all would have been.
So, after exploring the web, I found the ideal solution in the form of a
small Spanish travel company called Away from the Crowds.
They organise inns and small hotels along the way and also arrange
for bags to be taken to each day’s destination so you only need to
walk with a light day-pack.
One of their routes starts from the town of Sarria – 110 kilometres east
of Santiago. This distance is important because to be considered a
true pilgrim you have to walk at least 100km.
Above all it’s your Camino – walk it your way. David’s tips for doing
the Hoffman Process
Find out all about it before you set off. Look at
the website, talk to any friends or family who
may have done it, or call the Hoffman office.
You’ll always get a sympathetic and kindly ear
from one of the team and they will help you
determine whether or not it’s the right time to
come on the Process.
Don’t expect a magic wand. The week’s course is
a wonderful and intense experience but it’s not
a quick fix. Rather it opens your eyes to who you
are and why you act in certain ways. It gives you
the capacity for self-love and the strength and
wherewithal to change your life and live it in a
different way.
It doesn’t end when you leave the course.
Stay connected to the tools you have learnt
during the week and remember that you can
always contact us if ever you feel the need
for more support.
Take the Hoffman journey at your own pace.
Don’t compare your progress during the week to
anyone else’s. There will be new experiences to
absorb and a variety of life tools to learn. We all
move forward at different rates but experience
shows that everyone gets where they need to be
by the end of the week.
My condition meant that any lengthy hills were climbed extremely slowly.
I take some perverse pride in the fact that in my two separate weeks
of walking the Camino, I have no recollection of over-taking anyone.
Some sort of pilgrim record, surely.
We took our time and stopped frequently for a beer or a coffee and a
piece of the Santiago Torte (tasty almond sponge cake).
We looked around us and breathed in the beautiful scenery. And we
laughed and we teased in a way that only close friends can.
The Camino – both routes that I have walked – satisfied all four
parts of what Bob Hoffman defined as our Quadrinity: the physical,
spiritual, emotional and intellectual aspects of ourselves.
The physical challenge was restoring my body to some sort of long
overdue fitness, the fun I had with my companions reawakened
my inner child – the emotional self and the moments of calm
contemplation as I stopped and absorbed the natural beauty of the
world we live in refuelled my spiritual self.
But what about the intellect? For a recovering workaholic like me, and
I suspect many Hoffman participants, over-thinking and analysing
have been part of our everyday lives. The Camino helped me to tone
down the intellectual ruminating and find real mental serenity.
One of the rituals of the Camino is that you need to get a pilgrim
passport (credencial) stamped twice a day at a bar or hostel along the
way to prove you’ve done the walk.
And of all the wonderful gifts which I took from my Process in
2004, the recognition of the need to rebalance my life with more
time for fun, spiritual nourishment and physical exercise is the one
most cherished.
34 |
T: +44(0) 1903 88 99 90
“With the Hoffman Process I managed to calm down my internal energy.” Russell Kane, comedian
Walking the Camino or indeed any lengthy walk in a beautiful
location can provide the facility for this essential rebalancing.
What’s more the tools learned on the week’s Hoffman Process will
give you an extra boost to achieve it.
The Hoffman Process and the Camino are journeys undertaken by
a wide range of people, each with their own reasons for making
them. They are at the same time both a highly personal but also
shared experiences.
Buon Camino - Walk your own way.
| 35
What do you hope that people will gain from
reading ‘You Can Change Your Life’?
I hope it gives them a greater awareness of their lives and the
impact they have on the world, a set of practical tools to recharge
or discharge energy and a nourishing reminder that change is not
only possible but very worthwhile
People have often told me that the book removes the filters
through which they see the world. They suddenly realise that
patterns such as withholding emotions or giving up too easily
might be normal to them and their family but aren’t helpful. They
begin to get choice back and things like healthier relationships
open up for them.
‘You Can Change Your Life’ was first published in 2003.
Would you say that it’s still as relevant as it was then?
The book is a guide to greater awareness of what helps and what
hinders us. It’s meant to help us understand ourselves and those
around us not only more clearly but also with more compassion.
It’s also full of practical tips on areas such as bringing more peace
into your life or having a better relationship towards your body or
your finances.
So yes, I really trust that those values are still as relevant today as a
decade ago.
What’s different from ten years ago is that we’re faced with even
more challenges than before in a culture that offers little time to
tap into what lies beneath our busy lives.
That’s the bad news. The good news is that to every force there’s
an equal and opposite reaction. These days far more people are
cultivating an inner life. Whether it’s through meditation, yoga,
dancing, counselling or long, quiet walks, there’s a hunger now for
getting back to what we deserve: self-fulfilment and peace of mind.
Have you noticed a difference in the people
who come to the Process since 2003?
YOU CAN STILL
change
your life
Hoffman UK founder Tim Laurence first wrote You Can
Change Your Life in 2003. Here he explains why the
newly revised book about the Hoffman Process is even
more relevant now than it was ten years ago.
36 |
“In the Hoffman Process I experienced all aspects of myself cooperating instead of negotiating
with each other, which I loved.” Sonia Choquette, author of Your Heart’s Desire
The main difference is that the Process is better known now, so it
attracts a wider range of people. It’s even become kind of normal
to do. But whoever comes, the same themes tend to be there.
People are fed up and want to change. They could be driven by
a relationship breakdown, a career gap, or simply by waking up
thinking: “Is this it?”
The book is split into two sections: how to change
yourself and how to change your life. Do you think that
changing ourselves is something we can all do, or are
those who say ‘that’s just how I am’ actually right?
I think those who say ‘that’s just how I am’ are justified if they’re
talking about something genetic, that’s more hard-wired like being
a great runner or being very musical. However our charming
or maddening personality really is flexible, as our brains are
constantly rewiring and forming new habits. So even the belief
about change could be a changeable one.
Is it possible to change your life without
changing yourself first?
Well, let’s imagine you do change your life first. You decide to move
to a beautiful island like Ibiza. You might wake up to a lovely view
bathed in sunshine… and you feel just as miserable as before. It
even has a name, changing the outside - ‘doing a geographical’.
You need to change yourself first - only after that will real changes
happen in your life. If you’re happy inside, you’ll find happiness
around you. In exactly the same way, misery, as the saying goes,
loves company.
T: +44(0) 1903 88 99 90
Do you see any increase in particular behavioural problems
since you first wrote the book? For example there’s a chapter
on compulsive patterns. Do more people come on the Process
with addictions to technology or do they find technology
affecting their relationships?
Undoubtedly. When we brought Hoffman here in 1995, only 1% of
the population had Internet access. It’s now 90%. The result is even
more of a chattering mind and less ability to concentrate. You have
your phone at the dinner table - you’re not fully there. You sleep
with it close by - you don’t fully rest. So yes, more relationship and
behavioural problems result.
In the Process we see people seemingly reluctant to give up
technology. Then after a few days they’re hugely relieved to notice
how very differently they feel without the need to keep checking
what’s going on beyond them. They’re more present to themselves
and to their immediate environment.
Other types of compulsive behaviour such as perfectionism and
constantly worrying are still around in the same proportions. It all
comes down to the same basic yearning of wanting to be loved,
to feel safe and protected and to avoid the pain if that feeling of
safety has been lost.
The book mentions working on four aspects of yourself:
physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual. Do you find any
one of these is of more benefit than the others?
The part that’s of more benefit to a particular person is the part
they’ve ignored the most. If you’ve been cut off from your feelings,
connecting with the soft emotional heart will significantly change
your relationships. If you’ve been flooded by your emotions such
as anger or grief, you may need to actually move away from
feelings and find a greater sense of safety by accessing your more
cerebral side. That could translate as being much more effective
and in control of your life.
For example there are jaded cynics who have no sense of
spirituality as well as those who’ve had a spiritual bypass to cope
with worldly demands. It’s about balance, finding a middle way.
As for the body, with the exception perhaps of personal trainers
and yoga teachers, I reckon we could all benefit from paying more
attention to our physical selves.
Speaking of paying attention - mindfulness is very popular
now. It’s said to lower stress and increase fulfillment. Does
Hoffman draw on similar principles?
It certainly does. For example we teach people to be in the moment
and be aware of what’s going on, just as mindfulness does. Right
away on the Process you learn the value of scanning for what you’re
feeling, thinking, sensing and intuiting. Those who’ve done Hoffman
know this as the Quad Check: being mindfully aware of the four
parts of your being.
There are lots of interactive exercises in the book. Does reading
it spoil the surprise if someone is considering doing the Process
- or would it actually help them decide if it’s for them?
I don’t think words by themselves could ever completely convey
the depth of the actual Hoffman experience. The exercises are
there to get things going. If someone then wants to do the
Process, they’ll be better prepared. If they’ve already done the
Process, it’s an accessible reminder of the exercises and principles
that they’ve learned.
To read reviews and order the revised version of You Can
Change Life visit amazon.co.uk or hoffmaninstitute.co.uk
| 37
AT LAST!
It’s never
A BETTER WAY OF
change
too late to
MANAGING
YOUR BUSINESS
“I think that life is
about ‘becoming’
- slowly becoming
the person we have
the potential to be”
Betty Hughes was one of UK’s first
Hoffman graduates - at the age of 78.
Now 95 she reflects upon the unique
contribution which the Hoffman Process
made to her eventful and colourful life.
N
obody comes away from the
Hoffman Process the same person
they were when they arrived. The
Process is distinctive in a variety of ways,
because people seem to find it equally
valuable whether they’re totally new to
personal growth or whether they’ve been
on this path for some time.
“The Process was
an adventure
- there was a
surprise around
every corner”
When participants are invited to sum up their
experience of the Process at the final closure
session, the range of reactions is spellbinding
and for some it provides the road to Damascus moment – nothing
will ever be the same again.
For others it is a subtle change but I defy anyone to come away
exactly the same as when they signed up.
Finding myself
I chose to do the Process at a stage in my
life when I’d worked with many therapists
and experimented with many different
personal growth models.
A major development during this
extensive, intriguing venture into my
underworld, was the surprise recovery of
my creativity. At 73 - and with the help of
a niece who is a photojournalist - I found
that the little person who had felt so
completely inept at school could actually
put words together and write effectively.
I also developed a talent with a range of Nikon cameras and lenses,
mastered the stubborn moods of a PC with editing software, had
illustrated articles published and made my own wildlife movies.
Turning point
It was while I was revelling in this exciting, creative phase I faced
the fact that I was suffering from a dissociative disorder. It was the
legacy of a difficult childhood which included the multifaceted
consequences of early sexual abuse.
38 |
Repeatedly, over a period of about 30 years,
I became trapped in the ‘start/stop’ task of
writing an account of my life entitled: Talking
to My Selves - a journey into awareness.
Time after time I became blocked and
threw the manuscript into a drawer and
disheartenment, darkness and despair
would follow.
I recall the exact moment I first read about
Hoffman and my attention was riveted by the
article about the Process. An enlightened
‘self’ jumped up and said: “That’s what we’ve got to do.”
The course proved to be absorbing, illuminating, and challenging.
It was exactly what I needed at this pivotal stage of my life. What
intrigued me right from the start was the way in which all my ‘selves’
found their own space.
The Process was an adventure - there was a surprise around every
corner and you didn’t know what the next development would be.
It gave a spicy sense of excitement to every day. The diverse ways in
which the group interacted revealed family traits to perfection.
Some aspect of a person’s expression or behaviour would suddenly
spark a recognition of hidden secrets or deeply buried patterns intricate entanglements which could then be explored in depth.
There was always space to follow up and delve into traits which
replicated vital aspects of family dynamics when we were young.
Hoffman UK founder Tim Laurence was supervising my group.
I dared to be a rebellious child – and revelling in challenging authority
was a rare, zestful exploration.
The unique format of the Process gave me a fresh perspective
on these early years. It added an innovative dimension to the
profound significance of religious indoctrination. My mother
always referred to Jesus as ‘her Lord’.
There was an inflexible, deep-rooted, day-to-day familiarity
in this relationship which made my mother’s ‘Lord’ a
member of my family.
He was ever present - at every meal, in every conversation.
Everything revolved around this intimate bond and the
authoritarian structures which controlled my mother’s life.
So, it was ’mother and her Lord’ and my father - a triangular
grouping which left me no option but to compartmentalise
my relationship to them both.
I can still catch the profoundly puzzled look on the face of
a child’s enlightened self as she pondered the question “if
mother is married to her Lord then who is my father?”
Growing continuously
I think that life is about ‘becoming’ - slowly becoming the
person we have the potential to be.
Rather than approaching death - the mystery of ending this
phase of our existence - I’ve discovered that getting old can
be more about connecting to the springs of life. In order to
survive, I split into very separate compartments.
Now at 95, although the old bones creak, some selves have
mellowed, matured and learned to be flexible and negotiate.
Other parts have found their niche for the first time and
are connected to living in the present. Most of all there’s
a rich sense of togetherness on this continuing journey of
discovery.
Indoors, my life was structured and totally controlled by my
mother. Outdoors, another child lived the life of an escapee: a
feisty little person who took every opportunity of being outside
on the farm with my father.
“The Process has been such a huge kick-start.” David Croy, Raasay House Outdoor Activity Centre
• Developed by Christian Felber from the Vienna
University of Economics and Business with a
group of progressive businesses in 2010
• Almost 2,000 businesses already signed up
• Available in seven languages and now English
What people say about the
Economy for the Common Good
“Has demonstrated an ability to draw together
a partnership of companies, consumers and
communities… by offering a fresh approach.”
Bruce Watson – The Guardian
“We need an entirely new economic system to avert
collapse and Christian Felber points the way.”
Richard Heinberg – Author The End of Growth
“I could have dismissed it as academic
idealism if I had not first seen it working
at a five star hotel in Italy.”
David Wallace – Managing Director Hoffman UK
“This is a joyful book of hope and possibility.
Everything can be changed, including the
depressive mindset that there are no alternatives.”
Ed Mayo – Co-Operatives UK
Looking back
I’d already explored my family constellation quite extensively.
As a child I lived in two completely different compartments.
• Fast-growing business and social
movement which puts Common Good
at the heart of economic activity
Betty now lives in Sussex where the panoramic view of her
life is mirrored by a panaromic view of the sea. Read her
fascinating and insightful story and understand more about
disassociation at: www.primallaugh.com You can also enjoy
informative five star reviews of her book on Amazon.
To order your copy of:
‘Change Everything’
www.zedbooks.co.uk/node/20840
T: +44(0) 1903 88 99 90
F
or many years my life at work and at home
all seemed fine – but in truth I was struggling
to maintain a veneer of confidence.
Power
of Soft
How to get
what you
need and
still be kind
It’s about pulling back from positions, wants and what we think we
ought to have. It takes us to a deeper understanding of our own needs
and the needs of those we’re relating, creating and working with.
During the course, while sharing with a small group, we were invited
to respond to a challenging question about ourselves. What I noticed
was the impact of each answer. There were raw emotional truths
shared that day that connected us deeply with each other.
At the same time it involves a re-taking of the power that we actually
have, both as individuals and organisations. Outcomes are decided by
the balance of power that we achieve.
When it was my turn to speak to the group I said exactly what I wanted
to – but I observed a clear lack of connection from my peers.
We are familiar with seeing power as a dominant, coercive force. It
doesn’t have to follow this rather ingrained pattern. This is really an
abuse of the power that we humans have at our disposal.
I’d given rein to my outward identity only.
40 |
“The Process helped me find peace with the question of religion and spirituality.” Sammy Leslie, Castle Leslie
Power is something that we each hold for ourselves and that we often
choose, however coercively, to give up.
What I’d expressed was not really me, it was a front. I’d spilled back
into what was for me at the time, a familiar work pattern.
Raw power, on its own, tends to abuse. Power mixed with love is
far more powerful, attractive and, in caring hands, cuts all other
power to shreds.
I first experienced this as a failure to connect with the group but, more
importantly, I felt a missed chance to give something of my true self.
Around a better differentiated, more boundaried strong core, a softer
front fits like a velvet glove.
It became clear that a similar front to the one I had put up during that
exercise on the Process was getting in the way of just about everything
- not only at work but also outside the office.
Without the apparatus of war cluttering the front lawn the flowers and
colours that are possible can be seen and enjoyed.
‘Armouring up’- putting on a front to the world - is a very easy
thing to do.
It’s behind everything - the clothes we wear, the image we feel we
need to portray and even the person we feel we should be.
In extremes this front is simply weaponry and the language follows the
metaphor of war - attack and defence, positions and entrenchment.
What’s troubling is the deep irony in this charade.
The more effort we put into the front, the less we tend to put into the
core that it’s shielding. A strong, hard front can hide a soft, delicate
untapped core and we can lose so much in its shadow.
For an individual this is exhausting and disempowering and for the
corporate it’s confusing.
In both cases, nobody knows what you really need. Fragility of
confidence and depression sets in within the individual and a lack of
appropriate business sense and profitability runs rife in the corporate.
A new communication model
The realisation that behind the strong front there was a soft core
birthed a model -strong core and soft front. Surely this is the ideal?
The key though, is that soft is no good on its own. Particularly in a
corporate environment, a soft approach on its own gets you squashed.
Hilary Gallo is a lawyer turned
leading business negotiator. His
close observation of complex deals
taught him the most important
factor is the people involved. Now
he is applying what he learnt on the
Hoffman Process to his work as a
business coach and has developed
a theory, which he explains in his
new book The Power of Soft.
Creating a strong core involves a number of key steps.
I took the Hoffman Process in 2010 and it was then I realised the true
and extraordinary power of soft.
I hadn’t spoken from my heart, soul or anywhere deep, vulnerable
or really true.
The
Creating a strong core
US President John F Kennedy faced this dilemma over Cuba in
October 1962. The so-called hawks were hounding the doves and
urging JFK to take military action against Russia’s placement of nuclear
missiles in the Pacific.
The hawks wanted what they dubbed a “surgical strike” and to our
rational, controlling, certainty-seeking minds the idea of a precisionengineered military solution is alluring.
The truth though, is utterly different. There is no certainty, precision
or control in war, just an unpredictable spiral of attack and defence.
Good for armourers but not for people.
At the counsel of his brother Robert, JFK chose not to attack but rather
to stand up with a blockade. He formed a strong core.
JFK chose to stay and hold America’s power to attack, pulling their
power to the core rather than unleashing it tactically.
At the same time JFK extended an informal soft counter-offer and,
understanding what Khrushchev needed, created a bridge over which
the Russian leader could gracefully retreat.
The very real outcome of full-on nuclear war, expected by one in
two Americans at the time, was avoided. The strong core and the
soft front worked.
T: +44(0) 1903 88 99 90
In the place of hard position taking, soft listening, people skills and
creativity can emerge and flourish.
This enables us to be properly aware, listen better and connect more.
In negotiation, the softer front is the secret that enables us to create
something that goes beyond a mere compromise. It’s a creative task
based on curiosity and exploration.
In each of us the confidence to realise our true potential results from
this recognition that our strength lies at the core of who we are rather
than at the front.
So, before you next react to a situation in your life ask yourself what
you really need at your core before you start to make positional,
frontal demands.
Pause for a moment and ask yourself and the other person what
they really need.
If you need to assert some power, what is your equivalent of the
blockade? How do you assert your core power constructively and
assertively while at the same time keeping open dialogue?
How then do you create an attractive, safe bridge towards the answer
that works for both of you?
You can read more and order a copy of The Power
of Soft at: www.thepowerofsoft.com
Tips for using your core power
Don’t get too attached to a particular outcome
If you are not prepared to walk away, you are powerless
and too dogmatically rigid in your thinking. Work out
your options for walking away and develop them. You
may not use them but to negotiate well you need them.
Understand the other person’s options
What are they? Do you know how tied to you - or not
- they are? Would it make sense to influence how they
appraise their other options? How can you make their
walking away from you less attractive or likely?
Power is a felt thing
It’s not what power you have that matters, it’s what the other
person thinks you have that influences them. This is why just
the quiet appearance of confidence can work wonders.
| 41
TIME OUT,
not burnout
Psychologist Frederique Bicker
has a practice in Amsterdam
helping clients with a wide
range of challenges, including
stress. In 2012 she did the
Hoffman Process. Here she explains why
treating stress holistically gets the best results.
M
y interest in stress recovery began
when I spent six months in India
studying the philosophy of yoga and
a range of meditation techniques.
During this period I was inspired by these
ancient approaches to healing and the fact that
the key to relaxation starts with a quiet mind
and from this place emotions will be soothed
and the body calms down.
Since this journey back in 2007, I’ve been
integrating western psychology with Eastern
wisdom – and I believe this blend has
achieved great results.
The chaos of life
Modern life is hectic and many people live
and work under increasing amounts of
pressure and there is a belief that everyone
must strive to meet the high expectations
of society including achieving a successful
career, financial stability, a loving
relationship, healthy lifestyle, looking good
and being a good parent.
It often feels like there is an ever-growing
list of things we must achieve but as
a psychologist I see the results of this
pressure. Clients come to my practice
suffering from anxiety, addiction or
depression and this is often a culmination of
prolonged stress over many years.
I believe this is best dealt with using a
holistic approach in order for people to
reach a sustainable equilibrium in their
lives. This journey usually starts with a clear
‘reset’ moment.
I learned early in my career, when I worked in
the field of addictions at the Priory in London,
that taking people out of the situation which
causes the problems is vital. Often it is the
most efficient way - and sometimes the only
way - to get people to refocus on themselves.
This time out can allow you to get some
perspective and implement new approaches
to manage your life more effectively and to
deal with stress in healthier ways in the future.
, Author
Tim Laurence r and
Finding Balance
In 2012 I enrolled in the Hoffman Process
as part of my continuing professional
development after hearing some excellent
feedback on the programme.
Red Flags For Stress
In the midst of a busy life, seven days
to focus purely on myself was a unique
opportunity. Key aspects of the Process,
such as deeply ingrained patterns, had
the chance to get my full attention, be
addressed and turned around.
Since then I have regularly referred clients and
friends to Hoffman especially in relation to
excessive stress and related conditions. These
people vary greatly in terms of age, education,
profession, relationships and personality. The
Process attracts and works for people across
the whole human spectrum.
Everyone has a different experience of the
Process but the feedback I hear again and
again is just how positive it can be to dedicate
time to yourself. The course offers a chance
to give yourself attention, build your internal
resources and get some inspiring tools to
change your life for the better.
Hoffman is an effective course to support
people with stress-related conditions and
provides an invaluable experience that can
change lives.
Extreme exhaustion and very low energy
Feelings of guilt
Worrying a lot - ruminating
Restlessness
Disturbed sleep
Depression or low spirits
The undisturbed retreat week combined with
a strong programme provides a great launch
pad for change. I was able to experience
first hand how helpful Hoffman could be
for resolving stress and supporting a more
balanced lifestyle.
The week left me hugely inspired, personally
refocused and refreshed. I felt highly
enthusiastic about what could be achieved
through this week-long programme. I
particularly liked the emphasis on creating
a balance within all aspects of the self including mind, emotions and body.
he
Hoffman Teac
ffman UK
Founder of Ho
Bouts of crying and irritability
Lack of concentration
Sudden feelings of insecurity
Physical symptoms including stomach pain and dizziness
* Based on nearly 50 years of the Hoffman Process
* Almost 100,000 have done the course around the world
* Many have changed their lives positively as a result
* Updated 2015 edition
What people say about The Hoffman Process
How to tackle stress
Declutter your life – Keeping
your life simple and clear
will give you a healthy feeling
of control and perspective.
Make time to charge your
battery – Building up stress
is easier than releasing it.
That’s why it’s so important to
put aside time to have fun, do
sports and be in nature to recharge.
Live in the moment –
The past no longer exists
and the future hasn’t arrived
yet, so why worry? Try to be in the present with full awareness.
“It can do in a week what may
take years with some therapists.”
Oliver James - Clinical Psychologist and Author
“If I hadn’t done Hoffman, I don’t
think I would be alive now.”
“It’s not the price of doing the
Hoffman Process that should be
the benchmark, it’s the cost of not
doing it. Why? Simple… it works!”
Dean Mills – Berkshire Fire & Rescue Service
“By far the most effective course
I have come across.”
“I did the Hoffman Process
because I want to fully become
an adult. I just want to be the
best human being I can.”
Patrick Holford – Nutrionist & Author
Naomie Harris – Actress
Goldie – Musician, Artist and DJ
TO ORDER YOUR COPY OF ‘You can Change your Life’
To find out more about Frederique visit uk.frederiquebicker.nl
(English version) or www.frederiquebicker.nl (Dutch version)
Or call the Hoffman UK office on 01903 889990
42 |
“I’ve stopped taking on other people’s problems and find I have better boundaries
and a healthier detachment.” Erica Wilson, musician and teacher
FOLLOW
& SUPPORT US
WE ARE
DEDICATED TO
TRANSFORMING
THE LIVES OF
YOUNG PEOPLE
whatifacademy.org.uk
@whatifacademy
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"What If has provided me with a new and enhanced way of living.
After years of battling with mental health problems and trying to
find peace and perspective, I have finally found this through What If"
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The What if Academy is a not
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the work we do through
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Over the last 30 years, we’ve seen it all.
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Work with us and we’ll give you much
more than just ink on paper. We’ll give you
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for ideas worth printing...
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44 |
the o≈ce window
The Hoffman UK office is the engine room. Meet some of
the characters that make it such a successful operation.
This advert space was donated with kindness and generosity by Hoffman UK
The
challenges
we face
everyday make
us beTTer aT
whaT we do.
A GLIMPSE THROUGH
Lucas Bond is an online boutique selling
gorgeous gifts and home accessories
Lynn - office manager: We’re very lucky
as our administrative office overlooks the
beautiful River Arun. We’re based in the
historic town of Arundel, West Sussex, with
a view of the castle, complete with swans,
a moat and the odd knight in shining
armour. The light, airy space is always a
hive of activity as the team prepare for the
next Process. The phone rings constantly.
It might be someone booked on a course
with a question - or someone needing help
deciding if the Process is right for them.
Susy - logistics: As each Process draws
near a lot of activity goes on behind the
scenes. It’s rather like a stage show where
all the props make the show come together
so the audience can relax into their own
experience. My job is making sure we’re
prepared for all the Process surprises - both
ones that we plan and those which require
us to rise to the occasion.
Clare - head of enrolment: The office
enrolment team is supported by the
Process teachers and specialist therapists.
Teamwork is pivotal. Every conversation is
kept confidential, as mutual trust plays a
huge part in ensuring people feel they can
be open with us. Honesty is key to us being
able to offer them the most appropriate
support. In addition to a short enrolment
form, every participant is asked to complete
a more comprehensive piece of precourse work, which might be the first time
they’ve been asked to dig into how they
were parented. This is rather like writing an
emotional autobiography and marks the
start of the inner journey of the Process.
Tracy - office administrator: If we ever
flag on challenging days we have a large
scrapbook in the office full of appreciative
letters, cards and news from participants
to inspire us and many enjoy staying in
contact through our refresher courses and
social events. The Hoffman community
keeps growing as a network of people
committed to living the most meaningful,
loving and enjoyable life they can and we
love being part of it.
For a friendly and informal chat you can also phone us on 01903
889990 or send an email to [email protected]
www.lucasbond.com
“It’s not the price of doing the Hoffman Process which should be the
benchmark; but the cost of not doing it.” Dean Mills, firefighter
LB_QTR_AD_271015_B.indd 1
For more information about us and the courses we offer please visit
our website at www.hoffmaninstitute.co.uk
T: +44(0) 1903 88 99 90
27/10/2015 14:54:46
| 45
Finding out if the Hoffman
Process is right for you
Introduction Days
“Since the Process I can delegate more easily.
I no longer micro-manage and I feel that I love
myself enough to set myself free of this endless
need to control”
Darren Yates, restaurateur
If you are interested in the Hoffman Process
O
ur participants come from all ages, professions and cultures. Despite varied backgrounds, we find those
coming to the Process have in common a desire to get more out of their lives. As the Process is a week-long
programme, its intensity and effectiveness appeals to people who have demanding lives with little time.
You will need to arrive on the Saturday morning at 9.00am and the course finishes the following Friday at around 2pm. If you are
travelling a long distance, we suggest you stay at the venue the night before. We also recommend that you keep the weekend
following your Process free from any commitments. This allows you time to integrate and to complete the post Process work.
Process fees
Confidentiality
The Process costs £2,950. This includes, food, accommodation,
tuition, course materials, support events and VAT. All course prices
are correct at time of print. Please refer to the website for Process
prices outside the UK.
The Hoffman Process is a private and personal experience for
each participant. You will be asked to sign a document agreeing
to respect the confidentiality, identity and experience of every
Hoffman participant.
What happens when I register?
As part of the registration procedure, we ask everyone to
complete an Enrolment Form. This form asks for your medical
and therapeutic history. If, for any reason, we think that the time
is not right for you to do the course, we will refund your fee and
recommend appropriate options.
If you are currently in therapy, Hoffman has a dedicated handover
system which helps health care professionals understand the course
techniques and support your continued growth. Guidelines for
Professionals are available upon request to explain how therapists,
doctors or coaches can support their clients before and after the course.
You will be asked to complete some pre-course work in the form of a
comprehensive autobiographical questionnaire. This will need to be
submitted 2 weeks before your start date. This work will ensure that
you will gain the greatest possible benefit from the week.
On the Process
In order for you to get the most out of your course, we create an
environment that is free from distractions resulting in a much deeper
and longer lasting experience. We will ask you to hand in mobiles,
laptops, mp3 players, reading material etc. on the first day enabling
you to focus more intensely on yourself.
We do not recommend any contact with work or home unless in
exceptional circumstances and this will be agreed with you and the
Hoffman team before your Process. Experience has shown us that this
will ensure you receive the best possible benefits from the course.
A 24hr number is available for relatives or colleagues to contact
participants in case of emergency.
46 |
Hoffman Process Dates 2016
All Processes are held at Florence House, Seaford, East
Sussex, unless otherwise stated. Please arrive on Saturday
by 9.00am for Registration. All Processes finish on Friday at
approximately 2pm. For more information about the venues
and for online registration please refer to our website.
January 9 –15
January 30 – February 5
– Dunford House, Near Midhurst in West Sussex
February 13 -19
March 5 – 11
March 26 – April 1
April 16 – 22
April 30 – May 6
May 14 – 20
– Dunford House, Near Midhurst in West Sussex
May 28 – June 3
June 18 – 24
July 9 – 15
July 23 – 29
August 6 – 12
August 20 – 26
September 24 – 30
October 8 – 14
October 29 – November 4
November 19 – 25
December 3 - 9
“I have much deeper and more meaningful relationships.” Will Black, photographer
These one-day workshops are held in London and offer
an opportunity to experience the Hoffman methods,
engage with some practical tools and gain insight into
the positive and negative aspects of your life.
January 16
May 21
July 16
October 22
Information Evenings
These evenings are held at Regent’s University, London from
7.30pm to 9.30pm. They are a wonderful opportunity to find
out more about the Process and meet recent participants.
If you have done the
Hoffman Process...
Just because you have done the Process doesn’t mean
the support ends there. We have a number of graduate
events running throughout the year as well as Support
Groups and 1-1 coaching provided by all Hoffman
teachers. For more information on dates and events please
visit the Post Process Support area of our website.
Support groups
We recommend that you join the support evenings that
have been scheduled for your group, beginning with your
Welcome Home evening. There will be reconnection and
sharing among the group as well as discussion on tools,
practices and life after the Process. Those who are overseas
can arrange to Skype or Facetime into these meetings.
Q2 - 3 day refreshers
January 19
February 23
March 15
April 26
May 10
June 7
July 19
August 16
September 13October 18
November 29December 13
Information Phone–In
The Phone–In is a monthly conference call held on a Tuesday
evening from 7.30pm to 8.30pm. See website for details.
January 12
February 16
March 8
April 19
May 17
June 21
July 12
August 9
September 27October 11
November 1December 6
One to One Calls
If you feel that you would benefit from a one-toone call prior to registering for the Process, please
contact the office to arrange an appointment.
One-to-one coaching is offered by many of the Hoffman
teaching team before and/or after the course. We can also
help make referrals to other therapists where appropriate.
These 3 day residential courses, beginning on a Friday morning
and finishing on a Sunday afternoon, allow you to experience
old and new tools as they relate to your life now. How many of
us have moved on since our Process but need space to take
stock of our lives? It may be that we just want to take some time
out for a personal retreat. Maybe a relationship has changed
at work or at home, maybe a parent has died, or a child has
left home. Whatever has happened in the intervening months
or years, the Q2 offers three days just for you to get back in
touch with the person that you were on your Process. All the
Q2s are held at Florence House, Seaford, East Sussex.
January 29 – 31
July 1 – 3
October 21 – 23
All at Florence House
Reconnection days
These one day workshops led by Hoffman teachers in
London are offered throughout the year and allow you to
re-visit the tools and work through any current issues.
February 27
April 9
September 17
December 10
Hoffman Facebook
We have two Facebook pages, one for those who would like
to find out more about the Process, hoffmaninstituteuk; and
a private page for those who have completed the course and
would like to share their experiences, hoffmanprocess.
Stay connected
You can sign up to receive our monthly newsletter, and
follow our tweets and blogs by visiting our website
or by contacting us directly by phone or email.
T: +44(0) 1903 88 99 90
Contact us
Telephone: +44 (0)1903 88 99 90
Email: [email protected]
Website: www.hoffmaninstitute.co.uk
All information and dates are correct at time of printing.
Please visit www.hoffmaninstitute.co.uk for current details.
| 47
Dunford House
A historical, idyllic retreat at the foot of the South Downs
Dunford House is a beautiful and discreet
venue set in 60 acres of private woodland
in West Sussex at the foot of the stunning
South Downs, only one hour from London.
The House offers versatile, inspiring and
comfortable facilities for up to 60 delegates
with capacity for 40 residential guests in the
peaceful atmosphere of a country house.
•
•
•
•
•
Because of its size, Dunford House is an
ideal venue to hire for exclusive use for
that special meeting, sensitive issue based
course or group gathering where you need
space and do not want to be disturbed
or interrupted by outside distractions.
30 Bedrooms
6 Function / Meeting rooms
Traditional Fire pit
Exclusive hire available
Available for retreats, training,
bed & breakfast, family gatherings
and much more
For further detailed information please contact us on:
01730 812 381 or [email protected]
Dunford Hollow, Midhurst, West Sussex - GU29 0AF
www.dunfordhouse.org.uk

choosing the - Hoffman Process

Transcription

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