Second Coming

Project HEARD
presents
NEON
GENESIS
EVANGELION
Second Coming
Chapter One: The Case of John Thomson
This story begins with an end, if you will allow me to wax poetic for a moment, or use a pun; whichever
way you view the previous statement.
To be specific, it begins with my end, the me that once was, the me that I began my existence as (as far
as I know, that is). I didn't see it coming, as is the case with most people, so I'm led to believe.
The me that was was a thirty-two year old man by the name of Jonathan (Jack) Allan Thomson,
firefighter by trade and rally racing enthusiast on the side. Rallying was only one of my hobbies, among which I
also counted anime and manga entertainment, and so on; I mention rallying because, sadly, it played a part in
my end.
I've attended dozens of races as a spectator, and I had planned to one day volunteer as a marshal, or
better yet, participate as either a driver or navigator. I won't get that chance now, but that's beside the point. For
those who are unfamiliar with the sport, rally racing takes place on public roads that have been closed to traffic
for the event. Cars are sent down the course one at a time, racing against the clock, trying to make the best time
from one end to the other; repeat anywhere from ten to thirty times over the course of a weekend, and a road
rally is what you have.
Spectators are welcome on most rallies, and attend in throngs; in some countries, rallying is the most
popular sport there is, and it is not unheard of to have upwards of half a million people turn out for a single race.
Having said that, spectators know (because it is beaten into them repeatedly by warning signs, banners, and
taped-off areas, not to mention video and personal accounts of unfortunate accidents) that there are some
places you just don't stand on a rally stage. One of the areas, for example, is the outside of a curve. If a car were
to lose control entering the curve, it could wipe out dozens of people like bowling pins with total ease - and it has
happened before.
I had picked out what I was sure was a splendid viewing point in the particular stage I was watching that
day. I was up on a small hill that overlooked a slight dogleg bend in the road, which climbed up an incline as
well. The hill and the dogleg allowed me to shoot pictures and video from two different angles, as the cars went
past. Technically, I was on the outside of a curve, but I was at least 60 yards away from the road, and uphill to
boot - even the course marshals considered it a safe place to be.
It was dusty and dry that day, and every time a car passed, a monstrous cloud of gravel dust would float
up and obscure the entire area for a few seconds. It also managed to gum up the auto-focus function on the lens
of my still camera. I spent a lot of time trying to polish the lenses clean with the edge of my T-shirt, and/or blow
into the mechanism with my breath to try to dislodge the tiny bits of sand that were jamming up the works.
All this is why, at one point, I was standing in front of my tripod, head bent down, messing with the
focusing ring of the camera, which was jerkily fighting against the dust particles. A car had passed a few
seconds before - but long enough since that the dust cloud after it had settled down. As cars were released
every 60 seconds from the start gate, I figured I had some time I could take advantage of, before the next car
came by, to clean my gear.
The marshals' whistle caught me off guard, signaling the next car was approaching. I looked up as I
heard the roar of the engine through the forest, and blinked, shocked to see the car was much closer than I'd
anticipated - and out of control, having already left the road, cleared the ditch, and mounted the hill, climbing its
slope at an odd angle.
"Look out!" the marshal nearby yelled, running in the opposite direction, as did many of the others near
me. I intended to, too; I'd long ago decided I'd rather sacrifice $1000 of photo gear to a hurtling behemoth than
my own flesh and blood.
Again, as I said, I intended to flee.
If intents were all we needed in life, my story would be nowhere as interesting as what you're about to
read.
I turned to run, but my brain dumbly forgot about the tripod in the way, which I tripped over, sending
myself sprawling to the ground. Oddly enough, I didn't actually touch down on the grass; the first (and last)
sensation I had was of a car bumper making contact with my entire body, from lower trunk all the way to the
back of my neck.
The next thing I knew, I was opening my eyes groggily.
Somewhere on the periphery of perception, I recalled vaguely a strange dream, involving me and
another talking about my demise and what to do about it, but the gist of it wasn't there at the moment and,
paradoxically, would come to me later, rather than fading away as most dreams do.
I felt like I was surrounded in cotton, or that my entire body was 'asleep' and not yet caught up to my
mind's level of alertness. Motor impulses were sluggish and lethargic; I tried to lift my head and found it heavy
and taking much more effort than it should.
I became aware of a pricking sensation in my left hand, and had experienced that enough times in my
first aid training to know it was an intravenous line inserted into the veins of the back of my hand. So from that I
could assume I was in some kind of medical care, likely a hospital.
Slowly, other things began to report in. A BP cuff was wrapped around my other arm, deflated yet still
snug. And I could feel strange pinching sensations in a number of places, which I would find out soon enough
were the adhesive electrode pads for the EKG machine, monitoring my heart rate.
I pulled in a deep breath, or tried to - and realized there was a plastic tube in my throat. I'd been
intubated. The tube ran from a fitting just outside my lips, down my windpipe, all the way to the point where the
branch began that separated my natural breathing tract into two, going off to each lung. Attached to this (on the
other end, the one outside my mouth) was an oxygen line, but that was immaterial right now - I had a gag reflex
which was rapidly coming back awake, and having a plastic pipe shoved down my throat was really messing with
it.
I flailed about for a bit, trying to will my sluggish arms to reach up and yank the ET tube out, but my limbs
were late reporting for duty, and all I could do was thrash about a little. After a few moments, I found that I could
somehow suspend the supposedly involuntary choking reflex in my throat, and lay there breathing mechanically
through the tube.
My sense of smell was horribly distorted by the interruption of my normal breathing processes, but I
definitely recognized the scent of a sterile environment - a hospital. Or perhaps my brain filled that in, assuming
it after having all this other evidence that I was under a doctor's care. In any case, my world was now coming
into focus, and I could tell that it was, in fact, a hospital room of some sort.
Windows from the twelve-foot-high ceiling down to the two-foot level were to my left. The window ledge
was like a shelf or bench, for things to be placed on or people to sit, I guessed. The wall across from me had a
cork board and a white board, the former with some pinned-up notes, the latter with some scribbled information presumably tracking notes about my condition, if my recollection of hospitals proved right. A hallway went off to
the right at the foot of my bed, no doubt a short distance towards the washroom and then the door to the rest of
the hospital. Beside me to my immediate right were a host of machines, their alarms turned off, watching silent
sentinel over my condition.
Being the inquisitive type, and a caregiver myself, I found the strength to turn my head and try to sneak a
peek at one or more of the monitors, to see what my situation was like. The sensations I got in response were
weird, and what I saw indicated what I'd consider normal vitals for someone just waking up. What confused me
was the odd reflection I got from the shiny, stainless-steel surface of the IV pole, standing upright beside me. It
was horribly distorted due to the fact it was a pole and not a mirror, but I could see enough of my face to know
something wasn't right.
I looked down at myself and gasped - or would have, if I hadn't been subject to a tube down my throat.
The amount of space I was taking up in the bed versus how big I knew I was in real life was a lot smaller, unless
a gargantuan bed had been acquired to make me lose my sense of scale. But that wasn't the biggest concern on
my mind.
The tented-up section of bedsheets just a few inches south of my chin was.
My body was finally starting to catch up with me, and I could feel a lot of things that were confirming
what I was now seeing with my own eyes, but my brain didn't want to believe either. I willed my arms to come up
and, slowly, deliberately, lift the sheet high enough that I could see myself under the covers.
At long last, the process was complete - slowed either by my body's lethargic wakeup, my tense
trepidation, or both - and I finally confirmed visually what I'd been fearing.
Yup.
I've got breasts.
Not very big, but as someone who never had any of any size before, they were big enough, thank you
very much.
The visual exam of my body continued, my brain filing away for later review how diminutive my form
was. I became aware of a tube between my legs - I'd been catheterized, to carry away, well, urine - and another
check under the sheets (and past my breasts) confirmed that I'd changed down that way too.
Okay, deep breath - oh, right, belay that, I said to myself, trying to calm myself down and humor myself
at the same time. Relax. There has to be a perfectly reasonable explanation for this.
It was then that, as I said earlier, bits and pieces of the dream began returning to me. I vaguely
remembered standing around while crews worked feverishly on someone lying on the grass. I wanted to help,
but somehow I knew it was futile. As the memory drew slowly into focus, I realized that it was me - Jack - lying
on the ground, bloodied, with both legs bent at impossible angles.
"We are not ready for you," someone said beside me, in the dream.
I turned to look at him and saw a young man with grayish-silver hair and red eyes, who looked at me
with a warm smile.
"What do you mean?" I asked the vaguely familiar person.
"It was not your time to come join us. Your time on this plane is incomplete. However, if you choose, you
may join us now anyway."
Somehow I knew this was the brink of the afterlife. I turned to look at the scene before me, marshals and
spectators and others hunched over my badly broken body, and I said, "It doesn't look like I could make it."
"Oh, this has ended," my companion nodded towards the scene, speaking quite definitively. "To use a
term you are familiar with, 'injuries incompatible with life' have occurred."
"So how would I go on?" I asked curiously.
"In another life," came the answer, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Do I get to pick?" I mused aloud, despite the unbelievable concept of it all.
"I'm afraid not," the man smiled widely, "though I do think you might enjoy it, given time."
"And my other option is to just fade away and pass on over?"
"In a manner of speaking, yes," he nodded. "If you want to do that, just take my hand."
I turned to look at him again. Still that smile on his pale, white skin, his red eyes, impossibly sharply
contrasting the rest of his being, still somehow showing signs of warmth and friendship to me. He had his hand
extended out casually towards me.
"And if I want to do the other?"
"Just take a step," he said, nodding evenly. "Just move on. I won't be offended."
I looked down at his hand, and then back up at his face, trying to pin down why he looked so familiar. My
options are to go to the afterlife, where they don't want me yet, or return to Earth in a new life, but not having any
choice in the path I end up taking. Mulling that over, I asked myself, How's that any different than anything else
in life? I never got to make any choices before.
Checking my companion's face again resulted in the same unwavering expression, as if he'd said all he
needed to say, and the rest was up to me.
Did I do everything I wanted to in life? I asked myself. It was a question I couldn't be sure I'd ever be
able to answer.
Do I deserve to pass on yet? I wondered. I looked to the fellow beside me; the fact he was offering me
the choice probably meant that was the case.
All the while, despite the implication that neither choice would be wrong, I had the feeling that I had
reason to dislike him. I couldn't place it, but something made me uneasy.
Shaking my head a little, I heard myself say, "Sorry, not right now," and turn and step towards the scene
unfolding before us on the hillside.
I jerked awake once again, apparently having drifted off in the hospital bed during my revelation. My
body caught up with my brain much quicker this time, and reminded me of the discoveries I'd made.
So I'm.. female? I wondered. I lifted my left arm up with considerable effort and held it in front of me,
finding the typical paper and plastic hospital bracelet.
THOMSON, JILLIAN | DOB 09/11/01 | OJillian? I wondered. Born on 9/11?
Obviously I'd been put into a different body, in a different time frame. The rally I'd been attending when I
was swatted down so mercilessly took place on May 25, 2005. Judging by my size and shape, and mental
acuity, I was not 4 years old, so this was not still 2005.
I appeared to be a very young teenager, judging by my dimensions. That would put the time frame
around 2014 or 2015 or so.
I couldn't find a calendar or clock nearby handy, so I turned my focus on the notes and stuff on the wall
across from me. It didn't dawn on me that I was seeing everything fine without the aid of glasses or contact
lenses, which as Jack I absolutely required just to function, but I would figure that out later.
The white board was, as I guessed earlier, notes to and from various caregivers about my condition and
schedule. If the days of the week were any indication, it was Tuesday, and I had just been sponge-bathed two
days before. My vitals were measured several times daily, all seeming normal for a teenager of either sex based on my previous experiences being a caregiver myself.
THOMSON, J was on the white board It was then that I noted not only was my last name still the same,
but my first initial too. I wondered if my middle name, if I indeed had one, was some feminine A-name like Alicia
or Alison.
The cork board was full of stuff relating to general health and wellness, typical brochures and crap, so it
was of no use. I turned my attention back to the white board and examined some of the more cryptic notes that
had been jotted down. "M++" was one of the ones that caught my attention the most, noted only once, after an
EKG taken on Monday. What did that mean? Male? Most likely waking up soon? Messed up?
All three fit, I said to myself wryly, allowing a faint smile. Well, the first one only in mind at this point. I
don't know why I wasn't freaking out, screaming and crying, curled up in a ball in the corner, at the first sight of
the feminine form I'd been put into. Maybe I was still sedated quite well and would flip later on once it wore off.
It's not so bad, I found myself declaring with a shrug. I was alive, I had all my parts - speaking on a
strictly human level, not as a guy - and nothing seemed broken, mangled, or scarred for life.
Hey, wait a minute, I realized. If I'm not injured, what the hell am I doing in the hospital in the first place?
I took another look under the covers, moving a lot quicker now, and noticed a very faint scar on each leg,
from mid-thigh to mid-shin, on the inside part of each limb. They were almost indistinguishable, but now that I
was awake and concentrating, I could 'feel' them, much as I could still feel my burned arm years later during
weather changes.
Not any more, I realized, looking towards my right forearm. No such injury existed on little Jill's body.
That was Jack who had been hurt that way, and Jack was gone. And Jill apparently had her own issues, I
realized, looking back down at my legs.
It finally dawned on me that I hadn't finished the thought that had started this whole thing off - I still didn't
know what I really looked like. Naturally, no mirrors, full-length or otherwise, were placed, or within easy reach, in
the hospital room. I was catheterized, so there was no bedpan to look into - and if there had be, it would surely
have been modern polycarbonate plastic, not stainless steel, in any case. So I had no reflective surfaces to use,
anywhere.
Looking into the IV pole or other parts of the steel-and-chrome supports for the machinery wasn't going
to help me, and glancing towards the windows, it was daylight out, so my reflection wouldn't-Oh, wow, I cut off my own thoughts, finally cluing in to the fact that the world outside was there and
ready to shed a little light on some of my situation. The thing I could see most clearly was the CN Tower, and, at
its base, the SkyDome (to hell with the Rogers Center re-naming). So I realized I was in Toronto.
It'd been so long since I'd been in my hometown, I'd forgotten the names of the hospitals, never mind
where they were, so I had no idea which one was near the Tower. Besides, I tried to tell myself, this is a different
world. It might not even have the same layout.
I was still woefully under-informed. I knew I was a young girl, in the early stages of the 21st century, but
didn't know what year, let alone what day, and I still had no inkling of my own appearance. My self-image was a
messy, grey blob in my mind, shifting from Jack to nothingness to any number of anime girls to all sorts of other
things.
Not to mention I hadn't heard my own voice yet - but then again, it would be messed up for a while
anyway, considering I had a tube down my throat for God knows how long, meaning my vocal cords hadn't been
exercised.
There was a clunk from down the hallway, and I glanced up at the white board, suspecting it was 3PM the next empty time slot on the board in which vital signs hadn't yet been written today. Soft, muted footsteps of
nurse's shoes squicked down the short corridor, and she came in, putting on her stethoscope. When she saw I
was awake, the middle-aged, blonde-haired woman blinked, stopped short, and said, "Oh my."
I nodded a little, tried to smile around the tube, and lifted a hand in a half-hearted wave. She blinked and
stepped forward, reaching down for something beside me and clicking it two or three times. "It's good to see you
back with us," she said, pressing on another control and lifting the head of the bed up. My spine reminded me of
its disuse by complaining of the movement, but I told it to shut up and just winced a little as I was bent gently at
the waist.
"Is that hurting you?" the nurse asked.
I shook my head and gestured for her to keep bringing the head end up, which she did, until she got it to
a point she was satisfied with. I would have preferred to be sitting even further forward, but I wasn't the one
flying the plane, apparently.
The first control must have been the call button, for another nurse arrived momentarily. The first one said
to the new arrival, "Guess who's up and with us today."
"Oh my!" the brunette unknowingly echoed her comrade's sentiment. "Welcome back. How are you
feeling?"
I shrugged a little and gestured to the tube plugging up my mouth. They both nodded, and the blonde
nurse said, "I don't know how you're keeping from ripping that out yourself. Donna, do you think we can dee-see
the tube?"
"I don't see why not," the other nurse, evidently Donna, decided. "You going to do it?"
"Sure," the first nurse said, leaning over me and pulling on the tape that was fixing the plastic device in
place around my mouth. "This'll just sting for a second."
I sat there patiently, trying not to flinch too much at the sensation of the tape pulling at my skin. I realized
with amusement that at least it wasn't pulling any facial hair out - nor would I ever have to worry about that
again.
"Okay. We're going to take a deep breath, and on three, exhale it out while I pull the tube out. Okay?"
the first nurse said.
I nodded and inhaled as deeply as my smaller lungs would allow.
"Good, and one, two, and.."
"Haaaaaaahh," I blurted out, helping expel the tube and inadvertently drooling down my hospital gown in
the process.
"Whoops," nurse Donna said, pulling some Kleenex out of a dispenser on the table and dabbing at my
chin and chest.
"Very good," the other nurse said. I now had time to glance at her name tag and see it said Nancy, but
the rest of it was really small text and puzzled me. It seemed like a really long department name, and I didn't
catch enough of it to figure out what it was.
"Do you feel like you're going to be sick?" Donna asked.
I paused a second, then shook my head. "Don't think so," I croaked. There it was: Even hoarsely, I was
at least an octave or two higher than I'd been, and Jack's voice was no deep basso profundo in the first place.
"You've been out for quite some time," Nancy said, setting the messy ET tube down somewhere out of
my sight. "Almost five months."
"What.. happened?" I said, still struggling to get my voice box to cooperate.
"You were in a bad accident," Donna said softly. "But you pulled through just fine." I could tell there was
something left unsaid, as Nancy glanced over at Donna warily at that moment, and Donna shook her head.
"My legs were hurt," I said, partly a question.
"Indeed they were," Nancy supplied, apparently her turn to fill me in. "But we're quite confident you'll
walk again."
She busied herself with taking my vital signs while I tried to figure out how to word the next question. "I
don't remember much," I half-lied to explain the query I was about to make. "What year is it?"
"2015," came Donna's reply, as Nancy was busy taking my blood pressure. "It's May."
"I couldn't tell from the dates written on the white board," I explained.
Donna nodded. "May 5th, sweetie. It's a Tuesday."
I nodded, mainly to give myself time to let that sink in. Damn. I missed Luke Skywalker Day. Then I
asked, "What does em-plus-plus stand for?" while gesturing to the white board
Both nurses looked at one another for a long moment, and then Donna said, "We'll have the doctor
come explain some things to you shortly." Nancy went back to finishing up my vitals.
Oh, hell, I panicked slightly. Now what's that mean? Most likely dying? Might go Mental?
They finished up, and said they'd send the doctor in. As they were going, Donna said, "Welcome back,
Jillian."
I nodded and mentally corrected her to 'Jill'. I don't know why, but I felt the shorter form suited me better.
"Shit.. I forgot to ask for a mirror," I mumbled two minutes later. My voice was returning slowly, or at least
I presumed it was - it was sounding more feminine and less like a cat trying to gargle a frog. I sat there some
more, tilting my head forward enough that I could see I had reddish hair, somewhat long - longer than a boy's
haircut, but not tremendously long, like down-the-back length.
Putting my head in that position meant I was staring down at my breasts again, and as I watched them
rise and fall with my breathing, I wondered, How am I supposed to live as a girl? Do I have any innate feminine
sense or what? Or am I going to be walking around gawkily and showing off to everyone that I'm not really Jill?
Momentarily, the door opened again with the same clunking noise, but a man's shoe was heard on the
tile floor. He - being the doctor - came around the corner and said, "Aha, I heard someone was back among us
again."
"Hi," I mumbled.
"How are you feeling?" he asked, doing his own cursory examination of my vitals and condition, more to
act like he was doing his job than anything else.
"Like I've been asleep for five months," I quipped. At least my sense of humor transferred over.
"You probably don't remember it, but you've been awake a couple of times," he commented. "Not for
very long and not too lucidly, but anyway." He finished pretending to check up on my vitals and sat on the edge
of the bed, folding his hands on his knee, leaning towards me. "Let's talk."
"Okay," I said, trying not to sound like a scared little girl.
"Do you remember anything about the accident?"
I shook my head. I didn't want to assume it was similar to what'd happened to Jack, to be proven wrong,
and then have to answer to where I'd come up with those particular memories.
He explained, "Your parents' car was hit on the 401 highway when it broke down. You were trapped in
the car for two and a half hours while the firemen cut you out."
Firefighters, and they cut the car away from me, not cut me out, I wanted to correct him. But I just
nodded.
"I'm afraid I have some bad news.. about your parents."
I looked up at him, curiously. Then I realized that at the age of 14, well, 13 and change, I wouldn't be
driving, not even as a learner, especially on the 401. I tried to muster up some sorrow for the people I'd never
known.
"Your father was killed instantly.. your mother survived for a couple of days, but her injuries were too
great. I'm very sorry."
I hung my head again, mainly to prevent him from seeing the improper reaction I was having. A normal
child would be bawling at the loss of her entire family. I'd never known them in the first place. I frowned, grateful
for the longish mass of red hair that was covering my face. Would 'M++' have something to do with a foster
home, then?
How the hell is this a good outcome? I wanted to ask the man from my afterlife-dream.
"Perhaps this is a little much to take right now," the doctor said, beginning to stand. "I'm going to let you
alone and have some food ordered up for you. Once you've eaten and had time to think I can come back."
I had to seize the chance or the curiosity would kill me. "Wait," I blurted out.
"Yes?" he asked.
"What does M++ mean?" I asked, pointing to the white board
He turned to look at it, and frowned slightly, in the way that I assumed meant either Donna or Nancy was
going to get a reaming for putting it on the white board at all. He seemed to consider something for a minute, and
then turned partway to me and said, "It stands for Marduk."
"What? What's that?" I said curiously.
"Some testing," he explained, "for the Marduk Institute. I'll discuss it with you later."
I shrugged and let him depart, which he did swiftly at that point. I puzzled over the word 'Marduk' and
why it sounded so familiar. It sounded like something out of Star Trek, or perhaps an anime..
I blinked when I made the connection.
Marduk.
Marduk Institute.
I'm fourteen years old.
In the year 2015.
I hung my head again. "Now I think I'm gonna be sick," I mumbled.
The food came as promised, and I chewed at the toasted ham and cheese sandwich unenthusiastically.
It felt good to have some food that didn't come through a plastic bag in solution, but my stomach was still doing
somersaults, as it had been since the doctor left.
He didn't come back that afternoon either, as he'd said he would. Either I scared him asking about
Marduk or he had to check with higher-ups first. Maybe he had to report directly to Ritsuko Akagi or Gendo Ikari
himself.
Maybe it's a coincidence, I tried to tell myself. Think about it, it's an anime. You can't be living in an
anime.
That was countered swiftly with the fact that I shouldn't be lying there at all, never mind having breasts
and a vagina.
As the sun set, the light outside faded and darkened the room. I reached up and turned on the over-bed
lamp, throwing the room into fluorescence.
"Shit!" I cursed. "I forgot to ask for a mirror again!" It's funny how little things can come and hit you in the
strangest times.
However, I soon realized that once the sun had set completely, I would have a nice dark window brightly
lit on my side, acting as a big mirror of sorts, showing me an imperfect reflection, but adequate enough for what I
needed nevertheless.
I busied myself for the next few minutes with fiddling with the bed controls to get the head end up high
enough for my preference. Once that was done, I figured it was dark enough, and turned to look.
"Good God," I whispered. "I look like a real-life Noriko Takaya."
Well, not really. Just the hairstyle and the fact I was female. I had no Oriental features about me at all,
but still, the similarity was there if you squinted hard. I'd probably be able to do a passable version of the
Gunbuster heroine during cosplay or Halloween, if I ever had the chance or inclination.
My straight, red hair was slightly longer than shoulder-length, but only barely enough to brush my
scapulae. The face was smooth and rounded, yet slender, with two brilliant blue eyes peering out at the world.
Slim shoulders gave way to slender arms and hands, again, looking rather feminine.
I blinked as I realized that my forehead and the scalp behind my neck, as well as the places around my
chest and trunk, were covered with electrodes for EKG/EEGs. Wires led from some of them to the machines to
my side. I was surprised they were monitoring me around the clock. Maybe they can read my thoughts?
"Shut up," I chastised myself with disgust. You're going to have to be rational if you expect to be a good
pilot.
Part of me wanted to point out I should see if I could make it as a girl before I evaluated my Evangelion
piloting skills.
Why are you so accepting of this, anyway? I wondered later that night, gazing at my reflection.
Conventional wisdom - or at least, the stories that're out there, leads one to believe that you should be sitting in
the corner, huddling in a ball and freaking out.
Maybe it has to do with that dream. I looked down at myself and jerked up and down, back and forth in
the bed, about the only motion I could make due to the arresting nature of the equipment attached to me. The
result was comical, of course, and typical.
I'm not feeling too out-of-sorts, I decided, giving myself a poke. Maybe that has to do with being laid up
in here and drugged and all.
My mind raced back to the dream again, or whatever it was. The commentary by my host came back to
me, where he said I didn't have a choice, but I would probably grow to like things.
You sick pervert, I frowned, but somehow I got the impression he wasn't meaning the gender swap.
Another thought came to me, this one from my own thoughts during that dream. I remember distinctly
deciding that I couldn't complain about what was dealt me, because there was nothing I could do about it - and
that had been the way everyone who had ever lived had to take things.
I looked down at myself again.
I'm alive, I decided. I'm in good health, or at least, under a doctor's care so I'm progressing towards good
health. Studying my new body, I challenged myself, Give me any reason I shouldn't just learn to accept my new
life.
I thought on it for a long second.
I thought so, I nodded, allowing myself a slight smile.
I woke up when the sunlight spilled through the window into my room and across my face. It was early in
the morning, and little was moving in the world I could see outside my window.
In my old reality, I hadn't been back to Toronto for ages. I looked down at the cables and connections I
had, and shrugged a little.
"Here we go," I muttered, and braced myself against the mattress, pushing and turning so that I could
swing my legs over the edge of the bed.
It took some fiddling, but I was able to unfurl the hoses and cables to allow me some movement. The
floor felt cold as I touched down for the first time. Geez, I was short. Well, shorter than I was used to (five foot
ten, as Jack), but probably average height for a teenaged girl.
Cautiously taking a couple of steps, I found that my balance was fairly co-ordinated, despite the different
layout of my new form. I had to chalk that up to being in it for a while already, even though immobile, but that
shouldn't have made a difference in any case. I'd soon learn to stop questioning the impossibilities that were
happening to me, but for the time being, those thoughts were going through my head.
Reaching my goal, I stood with a hand against the window to steady myself, and watched the sun rise
over the city I once - and apparently now again - called home. Sunlight glittered on Lake Ontario, as well as the
glass fronts of a number of buildings in the downtown core and beyond. There was some kind of splendor in
what I was seeing, though it could have just been my happiness in being alive at all.
What are you going to do? I asked myself. This close to the window, I could see my reflection no matter
what time of day it was. I studied Jill's features, looking over her small yet well-defined face. It still felt like I was
looking at someone else, but in time, as I had decided the night before, I figured I would come to accept my new
self.
To reiterate, for those who couldn't follow my stream-of-consciousness writing above: Why wasn't I
freaking out over my situation? To be honest, why would I? I had a life again, even if it was radically different
than my old one. I was more concerned about the possibility of being involved with the Evangelion project than
with functioning in Jill's stead. I'd watched Eva. Everyone got seriously fucked up in that story. I had no doubts
that, if I were to get involved, that would be my fate too.
The whole issue of knowing things that were to happen in the Eva timeline which I shouldn't know as a
participant hadn't yet crossed my mind. So far, I didn't even know if the Marduk reference the doctor had made
was even really tied to Evangelion at all. For all I knew, Marduk could be the name of a clinic specializing in
orthopedic rehabilitative surgery.
However, I realized as I looked down at my legs, supporting me quite finely, it appeared I was
recuperating nicely. Maybe rehab wouldn't be required.
Maybe I'll get it anyway, in the form of fitness training while I learn to pilot, I found myself unable to help
thinking. I shook my head and sighed, resting my forehead against the window. I really should stop doing that, I
scolded myself.
"You really shouldn't be doing that," came a voice. I whipped around to see the doctor entering the room.
"I'm fine," I countered. "I just wanted to see the view."
"Please, back to bed," the doctor insisted. "You've been asleep far too long to be just up and about right
away."
I plodded back to the bed, careful to not tangle up or otherwise mess up all my connections and
attachments. The doctor made some fussing and messing around, placing me exactly as he wanted me, and
then started to run a set of vitals.
"So what constitutes a clean bill of health?" I asked. "I really do feel okay."
"You may have a false sense of energy from reviving," he told me. "We really need to start out small.
You could exhaust yourself much quicker than you expect."
"So you're saying I'm a guest for a while longer."
"I'm afraid so, young lady," he nodded, reading off the BP and jotting it down. "The good news is, all your
vital signs are stabilizing nicely."
"Good," I agreed.
"I do have some concerns, though, about your emotional state."
Uh-oh. "Such as?"
"Well, far be it from me to tell you how to grieve, but you are taking the loss of your parents much more
calmly than one would be expected to."
I sat there, trying to figure out how to respond. "I.. find it hard to remember them," I said, lacing the truth
into my lie. "I didn't want to say anything because I don't want you to keep me here any longer than I need to be,
but I don't have much memory before waking up here."
He frowned and jotted down some notes again. "Nothing at all?"
I just shrugged. "I figure it might come back to me in time. I hope," I added, playing the part as well as I
could.
"But you remember who you are," he fished.
"Jillian Thomson, age 14, born and raised here," I said, taking a huge risk in the last four words. Actually,
with everything past my last name, truth be told, if I'd been thinking straight at the time.
He nodded briefly, thinking about his next comment. "Think back to the accident. Do you remember any
of it at all?"
I shut my eyes. It wasn't hard at all to imagine how it must have been; I'd been a regular traveler on the
400-series highways in my old life, and a firefighter-rescuer after I left Toronto, so piecing those two together lent
me enough info to envision a small car chugging to a stop on the shoulder. Soon enough, an inattentive driver,
doing anywhere from 120 to 160 kilometers per hour - nobody, and I mean nobody, observes the posted speed
limit in southern Ontario - would slam into the little compact, crushing it to half its size and sending it careening
either off the guard rail or into traffic. It would be a wonder that I wasn't killed instantly myself, likely being in the
back seat and thus ripe for slaughter considering the damage the car would have sustained. The apparent
injuries I'd suffered now seemed to make sense; Jillian's legs would have instantly tensed up if she'd seen the
accident about to happen, to no benefit or detriment; the space between her seat and her mother's or father's
reduced to zero in an instant, the laws of physics requiring something to give, and the human body being the
most frail structure in the equation..
"I can imagine what it was like, but I can't remember it specifically," I said softly, telling the truth.
The doctor breathed out deeply. "Perhaps that's for the best, for now," he answered. "Your mind might
be shielding you from what took place. That's a natural reaction."
What did happen? I wanted to ask. The medic in me wondered who was injured how badly, and how
difficult was the extrication, and so on. The human in me wondered whose seat I'd been behind, and did it make
a difference - would they have lasted longer or less if I'd been sitting on the other side of the car?
I looked up as I realized the doctor had said something. "You can ask me any questions you like," he'd
said. For a moment, I wondered if I'd been saying those things out loud, but I realized in fact he'd just been a
keen observer of my introspective pause.
Instead of bringing up any of those things, I'm sure I surprised him when I said, "Tell me about Marduk."
I got the feeling that if he'd been wearing glasses, he'd've taken them off and polished them in a lengthy
display, in an attempt to pause and collect his thoughts. Or allow for the readers/viewers to collect theirs, if this
had been someone's idea of a tale to tell, some cel and paint story played out on a DVD for mass sale or
distribution except where prohibited by law.
"The Marduk Institute is an organization which tests children for their skills, and intellectual prowess;
things like that," he began. "It's a random test of five percent of all those within a certain age bracket who get an
EEG. Because you were comatose from your accident, you underwent EEG monitoring, and because you're 13,
you fell within the parameters of the testing."
"And I'm gifted or something?" I played dumb for now.
"Of sorts," he answered slowly. "To be perfectly honest, I myself am not exactly sure what Marduk does
with the children they accept. But I'm led to believe that it's certainly something special."
I cracked a smile, and a joke, playing along with the conversation. "Am I an X-man, or girl, or whatever
now?"
Interestingly enough, he got the reference. It didn't occur to me until later that if I'd been alive in my old
identity in 2015, he and I would be much the same age, and thus he was of my generation and probably had
read the X-Men comics as well. "I don't think it's quite that spectacular," he smiled. "Whatever it is, there will be
people here from a partner group to the Institute tomorrow, to speak with you."
For some reason, I don't know why, I paled at that thought. Would it be NERV, Section Two?
"Tomorrow? Here?"
He nodded. "As soon as they heard you were awake, they wanted to meet with you straight away.
Frankly, I was able to put them off a day so you could have today to collect yourself; as I said earlier, I still think
you need time to cope."
I knew what he meant. In his eyes, I still wasn't firing on all cylinders, and he probably pushed back as
much as his career would allow him, but the 'Marduk' folks relented only as much as they'd planned to allow in
the first place. Odds are they got everything they wanted, even if the doctor didn't realize it.
"What am I supposed to say to them?" I asked, now not so much playing along with a sense of
ignorance as being truly curious.
He shook his head. "I'm afraid I have no idea. Their motives or involvement I'm not quite awarded
knowledge of.. put it another way, they're not part of the path to recovery this hospital had planned for you to
take."
"They're.. overriding your authority?" I fished, taking a moment to find the right way to phrase it.
"I'm afraid I don't know what to tell you to expect, Miss Thomson," he said. "It's out of my hands."
We made a deal; he had a full set of X-rays done on my legs to check their stability (with lots of metal
and plastic bits in them to beef up the damaged goods, I'd find out) and a CAT scan to assess my brain, and
he'd let me have the run of my room, providing I'd cut it out if my legs started to hurt or feel weak or funny in any
way. That worked for me, so I spent a large portion of the afternoon pacing the hallway between my bed and the
ensuite bathroom, alternating between exercising myself and worrying about the day to come.
My legs were feeling all right, truth be told. The odd sensations were actually because I was used to
being able to crack and click my joints as Jack, and instead, as Jill, the complete reconstructive surgery had put
everything back to spec, so to speak, disallowing for any play in which cracking or clicking or what-have-you
could be accomplished.
The upside of being able to walk around was that they de-catheterized me to allow it. The downside was,
I was still getting tons of intravenous fluid, so I still had a full bladder all the time. By the time mid-afternoon rolled
around, I'd experienced my fifth or sixth time sitting on the toilet as a girl. Easy way to practice, I guess, I
quipped to myself, learning quickly how to adjust my personal hygiene practice for that particular bathroom
chore.
Before supper rolled around, I paged a nurse and asked if I could get a laptop or something to mess
around on the Internet. That was denied, she said, by doctor's orders; but I could have a TV. So I accepted that,
and a small wireless display was brought in and set up on my over-bed table.
Doctor's orders. Right, I mused as I flipped randomly through channels. More likely 'Marduk' orders after I'd asked for a computer, it dawned on me they probably wouldn't have allowed a phone, either, so that I
couldn't use either medium to go out and talk to people about my situation. I don't know why I felt it was so cloak-
and-daggery type of secrecy, but it smacked of something a group like NERV would do. At least with a TV, all
the information was a one-way street - I couldn't send anything out that might disrupt their plans.
I happened across Discovery Channel, of all things, and was mildly pleased to find it still existed. My luck
kept up as one of their flagship programs was indeed available, a disaster documentary, and the episode coming
up at the top of the hour was to retell the events of Second Impact.
So I sat there, attentively watching as the computer-generated graphics illustrated the cover story of a
meteor smacking into Antarctica and vaporizing the ice shelf, causing the tsunamis that devastated countless
coastal towns and cities and settlements all over the world. As I watched the show, it occurred to me that I'd
have to really keep a close watch on what I said and how I acted about certain things, things which I shouldn't
have foreknowledge of.
Maybe it won't happen the way you 'remember' it, I mused. That was distinctly a possibility. The fact I'd
been selected as one of the Children, or supposedly so, already derailed the entire plot of the series. Unless my
time here was to be extra short, and I was either to be vaporized in Nevada or turned into paste at the hands of
Eva 01, out of Shinji's control. I tried to shove those thoughts out of my mind and think of other things.
Interestingly enough, from all I could glean from the media I had access to, what I knew as 9/11 didn't
happen. The World Trade Centers in New York City were still standing, though abandoned, as the first seven
floors were now underwater - along with the rest of lower Manhattan. Then again.. a year before that in this
reality, 3 billion lives were lost.. not just 3000 like in 9/11, I realized. Then, and only then, did I fully realize that
my new birthday coincided with that horrible memory from my past life, very likely just a frank coincidence.
Supper came - a turkey sandwich or something - and I munched on it while I chewed over the life that
laid out before me. Everything hinged, I presumed, on what tomorrow was like. Either I'd become an Evangelion
pilot - or just a candidate perhaps, that hadn't even occurred to me - or, I wouldn't, and then what? Would I
simply grow up a ward of the province, become a young woman and live out a mundane life in the bowels of the
center of the universe known as Toronto?
No. Clearly I had to be here to be involved in the Eva Project somehow. Maybe 'Marduk' didn't just
recruit pilots. Perhaps I'd be working alongside Maya Ibuki and the like. I shuddered, thinking of that, as I didn't
want to be sitting there helplessly watching all my colleagues Tangifying and be powerless to do anything, as
Ibuki was.
Maybe, Jill, I said, trying to refer to myself by my new name as much as possible, you shouldn't worry
about what you can't control, and just let whatever happens tomorrow, happen. Grab a ladder and get over it.
There's so much more you could be focusing on right now. My head dipped to look at my chest. Like these.
My breasts hadn't really been in the forefront of my mind much, except when I bumped them against
something, or brushed them with my arm, or what have you. Now, looking down at them, I felt myself growing
very conscious of the two masses of flesh, and how they hung off me and insisted on moving with every little
twitch my torso made.
"Listen," I murmured, thinking of Homer Simpson for a minute, "you two and I are going to have to live
with one another, so why don't we all get along. I promise to take care of you if you promise not to make my life
a living hell."
Perhaps I was on some kind of drug still for my medical treatment. I giggled madly at the thought that I
was addressing my bosom, and was happy that I didn't hear a voice answer me back.
I think I can get this female thing to work, I decided, shifting a little in the bed and finally taking stock of
my body's differences. It can't be that hard. Two legs, two arms, a head; same general layout. I'm just used to
driving a stick shift.
Another giggling fit came from that horrible pun, and I drew my knees up to hug them to me for some
reason. I don't know why I was reacting the way I did; maybe it was my subconscious' way of dealing with the
changes in my form. It's not like I'd longed to be a girl, or had any intense sexual desire to check myself out 'in
that way', as one might think from all the stories that float around the Internet in that genre. To me, at that
particular instant, being Jill was just.. being Jill. So I had boobs and no penis. At least half the population's in the
same boat. Granted, not all of them had the chance to see it from both sides, dropping half their age (and twothirds their weight) in the process. But still, there was no point in belaboring the issue. Evidently I was going to
be using this form for the foreseeable future, and whether I wanted it or not, it was mine.
It's not like something snapped, or a switch was flipped, or anything like that, either. As time went on, I
had to adapt and adjust to being female. But it wasn't as hard as the countless stories on the net and elsewhere
would have you believe. Like I said, I was still a human. It wasn't that hard to handle.
Anyway, I watched TV, finding an anime channel and joyously soaking up as much as it had to offer.
Some shows were old favorites and others were new things I'd never heard of before, but would become among
my most liked, filling the hole of the anime which I was about to live, starting in the morning.
I called for the nurse when I woke up the next day.
"What can I do for you, sweetie?" Nancy asked, apparently back on shift again.
"I want to take a shower," I said, gesturing to the BP cuff, IV, and all the other crap.
"I don't know about that," she warned me, shaking her head. "But we might be able to wash your hair."
I shrugged. "I guess that'll have to do," I said. It was the goal I wanted to achieve, anyway - never having
had long hair before, I was starting to get agitated at how greasy and unclean it felt after at least three days
without cleansing. Actually, if I'd thought about it, it probably had gone much longer than that, but I hadn't been
awake for the rest of it.
I was wheeled into the bathroom in a wheelchair and allowed to sit in a special chair erected in the
shower stall, while Nancy directed the hand-held shower head over my scalp. A towel protected me from getting
my hospital gown wet, and together (because I was being stubborn and wanting to participate, truth be told), we
lathered up my locks.
"You have such beautiful red hair," the nurse exclaimed at one point. "It's a very radiant color."
"Thanks," I said, blushing a little. I was unused to being told anything, positive or negative, about any
particular feature of my looks.
"Are you going to keep it this long?"
"Think so," I nodded. It hadn't occurred to me before then that I could have had it cut short, like a guy,
like I was used to. But my mind's eye view of myself had already been set, and it involved having shoulderlength hair like Noriko Takaya from Gunbuster, and I figured that if my brain was willing to see me that way, I'd at
least have to give it a try.
"I hear you're getting some visitors today," the nurse said.
"Yeah," I nodded, as we both scrubbed shampoo deep into my scalp. "I didn't think it would be
appropriate to be all gungey when they showed up."
She laughed. "You're fine, child," she smirked. "You're quite a beautiful young lady."
Again I blushed, but this time I didn't answer. Despite my concerted effort to adapt to becoming Jill, that
particular compliment wasn't one I'd been readying myself to hear any time soon.
So eventually my hair became clean and rinsed, and wrapped up in a towel, as women and others with
long hair seem wont to do. Since we were already in the shower stall, I persuaded the nurse to at least let me
sponge myself clean, if not get fully into the shower and rinse down. It was an experience, though it would pale
with the first time I would have a real shower. In any case, after I was fully cleaned, I came out to a freshly made
bed, the cleaner having taken the chance to come through while I was up.
"I understand they'll be here sometime after nine," Nancy said. "I'll have your breakfast sent up right
away so you can get it out of the way."
"Thank you," I said, feeling hungry. I knew my metabolism would demand less food and/or smaller
portions, but for lunch I was hoping I could score a double cheeseburger somehow. I would kill for a good metric
buttload of calories.
As Nancy turned to go, I caught a glimpse of her name tag, and finally saw the rest of the text beneath
her name, which I'd missed in my stupor two days before. It was 1st Cranial Nerve Dept. Of course, I said
to myself.
The gods must have been smiling on me when breakfast was arranged, for I managed to luck out and
score French toast, one of my favorites. Syrup and butter galore, along with a couple strips of bacon, damn near
made my day. I was starting to feel human again now that my taste buds had been rewarded handsomely.
Just after nine-thirty, two men and a woman came into the room; the men in dark suits, the woman in
some kind of skirt suit covered by a doctor's coat. She was a brunette, and Caucasian - no Dr. Ritsuko Akagi for
me. The MIBs were likely Section Two, I figured.
"Miss Jillian Amber Thomson," the woman read from my chart, looking up at me. I nodded, internally
chuckling that I had been right about my new middle name's first letter.
"I am Dr. Wendy Andrews. These are Agents Shirobu and Gregory." She gestured to the men beside
her. "We are here on behalf of the Marduk Institute."
Play along, play along, I urged myself, nodding again. "Good morning," I smiled faintly. "The doctor said
you'd be coming."
"What did he tell you?" she asked.
I decided to stick to what I'd done with the doctor. "That I'm special somehow," I began. "Gifted, or top
percentile something or other, stuff like that."
She gave a little smile and said, "It's not exactly like that, Miss Thomson. You are special, but not
precisely in that way."
I resisted bringing the X-men joke back for another round. "What do you mean?" I said, again playing
dumb.
One of the men - Shirobu, the Japanese one - handed over a thin grey 8x10 book. On the cover in
Times New Roman font, it read, Welcome to Nerv.
I hoped I wasn't blanching as the doctor went on. "You have special ability that makes you highly
desirable by this agency," she explained. "You would be working with several people your age, under a common
supervisor."
Yeah.. Rei, Asuka, Shinji, and Misato, I realized, my head swimming now that I actually held the proof in
my hands.
"Miss Thomson?"
I looked up, snapping out of it. She was waiting for me to say something, so I shrugged and said, "What
would I be doing?"
"It's all contained in the introductory manual," she said, nodding her head towards the book in my hands.
"You will understand once you read it."
It dawned on me that it wasn't an offer, not that I would have declined it anyway. They weren't there to
say 'come to NERV if you want', they were saying 'you are coming with us to NERV'.
"Show her," Dr. Andrews said, speaking to Agent Gregory. He extracted a device out of his blazer
pocket - something which looked like a Play Station Portable, but more advanced - and flicked it on, setting it on
the over-bed table.
I watched the screen as a purplish-blue figure resolved, first in wireframe, then overlaid with a "real" shot
from a video camera. The Gainax animation team, while splendid in their own right, did no justice to this world's
real-life version of Shogouki. The creature was somehow beautiful and frightening all at once. The entire cage
was a beehive of activity, and I tried to place or recognize anyone I could spot in the frame, but the screen
resolution was too small to tell definitively.
The display winked off, and I realized Gregory had picked it back up and put it away again. Dr. Andrews
said, "This is the artificial life form Evangelion. You will be its pilot."
Not likely, I wanted to counter. Sho's Shinji's. I'll probably get 03. "That.. that thing is piloted?" I said,
again, playing dumb. "What do you need things like that for?" I just wanted to see how she'd react.
"To defend us against the Angels," she said plainly.
Okay, that was kind of anticlimactic. "Angels? Like the things with wings, and harps, and..?"
"Not an angel. An Angel," she said, actually pronouncing it in a fashion that implied the capitalization, if
you get my drift. "These are creatures that are intent on ending humankind."
"Wow," I understated. I'd been having fun with this so far, but I ran out of things to say pretty quickly. "So
this thing.. this Evangelion.. is there only one? Or am I going to have teammates or something?"
I'd tried to make a weak reference to the five-person teams that seemed to fill Japanese entertainment at
one point. She didn't bite, if she recognized it at all. "There's more than one. They are being made in places all
over the world - Japan, Germany, the US.. This one-" she gestured to Gregory's pocket, where he'd put the
video player "-is in Tokyo, Japan."
I nodded, as if confirming my suspicions. I realized I'd have to do a lot of bullshitting and playing dumb
for a while.
"You won't be headed to Japan quite yet, though," she said. "The North American base of operations
you're destined for is in Nevada."
"Area 51?" I smirked, though I was rewarded with a trio of frowns. Apparently they'd heard that one
before. Then again, maybe they hadn't, seeing as how I was the Fourth Child, or so I believed - perhaps no one
else had been recruited to Second Branch yet.
"Be ready to leave tomorrow," the doctor told me, reaching forward to tap the book. "Read this. And
when you're done, read it again."
"I don't have any clothes," I pointed out. "And the doctor here wanted to--"
"Your medical concerns will be addressed in Nevada," she cut me off. "And everything else will be seen
to as needed."
They filed out, leaving me with my swirling thoughts and the book. I sat there stunned for a few
moments, even though virtually everything had happened as I'd expected so far.
I lifted the cover of the book, hearing the glued paper crackle as it was opened for the first time. Inside,
tucked in a pocket, was an ID card bearing the NERV-UN logo (not the leafed one, the plain white text), some
bar codes and MICR numbers, and my name and a place for my photo, at this point blank. Also inside the cover
was a page indicating that the manual was my personal copy, issued to Jillian Amber Thomson, serial number
0004-681-21, designate Fourth Child.
"Holy shit," I whispered. "This is really happening."
Chapter Two: A New Life Resumed
The sunlight coming into the room again woke me the next day. The opened manual lay in my lap where
it'd fallen when I drifted off to sleep late at night, during my third reading of the stupid thing. It was a ridiculous
waste of trees. I knew more from the Red Cross Book than I got from the NERV manual.
My bladder announced its status shortly after my brain woke up. "Shit," I murmured, hopping out of bed
and hurrying to the bathroom. As I sat down and emptied myself (I'd only forgotten and kept standing once), I
thought of what today might bring.
Flight time from Toronto to Vegas, about 3 or 4 hours. Janet flight to Area 51 or whatever, let's say
maximum of 45 minutes. Entry and indoctrination, 2 hours?
Depending on when my new employers arrived, I could be staring down Eva 03 by dinner time.
The look on your face when you realize you're in charge of a 200-foot-tall, 4000-ton biomech: Priceless,
my mind completed the cliché. I smirked.
As I was cleaning up from using the bathroom, I looked up from the mirror into the eyes of the young
woman looking back at me.
"Well, Jill," I murmured, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life."
Live every day like it's a gift, a line from a movie came to me. As I thought back to what had transpired to
bring me to this place, I realized it rang true for me as well, even doubly so - first as Jack, whose soul survived to
then become Jill, whose constitution was strong enough to pull her through a grave injury and give her the
opportunity of a lifetime.
"I'm ready," I told my reflection.
The two agents arrived again just after eight, with a duffel bag which was handed to me. The nurse had
been in not long before and removed the EKG/EEG pads, BP cuff, O2 sensor, and other devices, so I was finally
untethered. As she'd been detaching everything, I smirked and mentally likened it to running around Tokyo-3
with a giant extension cord latched to my Eva's butt.
I wasn't smirking when I saw the contents of the duffel bag. "A little stereotypical, don't you think?" I
murmured.
"Problems, miss?" came the voice of Shirobu, outside the bathroom door.
"Couldn't you guys have given me some more choices?" I complained.
"Standard issue, miss. Please, get dressed so we can go."
I pulled out the black turtleneck shirt, which wasn't the problem. The bra and panties were fine, too - at
least I had something to put on in that regard, which I hadn't since waking up. The problem was the outerwear
for my lower half, consisting of a khaki-colored, knee-length skirt. In the bag also was a blazer-type jacket, and
once I extracted it and held it up, I realized it was a NERV uniform, similar to what Maya Ibuki and the like would
wear.
"My first ever set of clothes ends up being something like this. Great," I mumbled, hopefully low enough
my chaperones wouldn't hear. I stepped into the skirt, realizing finally that the buttons went to the back, not the
front. There were at least socks, and flat-soled slip-on shoes. As I shrugged the blazer on, I decided it wasn't a
bad fit after all, and looked okay if the mirror above the sink was any indication. I still felt like I wasn't wearing
anything below my waist, and my legs were chilly, but I had to tell myself I'd get used to it. And, truth be told, I
had a feeling that I'd undoubtedly give in to the temptation and try 'girl clothes' sometime soon, just for the sake
of curiosity on how it felt - I just didn't expect to have to deal with it quite so immediately.
The reason I didn't walk out wearing some of Jill's own clothes, by the way, was that apparently
everything she owned had been obliterated in the crash. I'd read up on the crash in the meantime, and found
that 'our' car had been towing a U-Haul trailer; evidently we'd been moving house or something. Nothing was left
in a recoverable form or fashion.
I opened the door and smiled brightly, as if I was perfectly content with my situation. "Ready," I told
Shirobu.
"This way, please," he said, ushering me ahead of him, so I'd be between him and Gregory. The three of
us left the hospital room and marched down the corridors towards the main entrance. I tell you, if standing in a
skirt was a distraction, walking in one was purely brain-breaking. I couldn't help but wonder if I was doing things
right, and if the glances from staff and patients alike were because I wasn't walking like a girl, or simply because
I was a uniformed person being led out by men in black.
I hoped Shirobu wasn't behind me aiming to break dozens of laws by ogling underage ass.
I was pretty close on the timeline; we left for Vegas on a commercial jet around nine-thirty, getting into
the jewel of the desert at 10:03. Confused? Don't forget the three-hour time difference. Instead of the American
government's officially non-existent Janet Air, we took a chartered business jet the rest of the way to where ever
the Nevada site was. Once on the ground, I was ushered to a briefing room, where, after a few dozen minutes'
waiting, in came Dr. Andrews and another person I didn't recognize.
"Pilot Candidate Thomson," Dr. Andrews spoke up as she came in, and I felt compelled to stand at
attention. She chuckled and gestured me back down. "This is not the military; you're not required to salute or
anything like that."
"Sorry, ma'am," I said, sitting back down, remembering to smooth out the skirt properly and keep my
legs together.
"Dr. Andrews will be fine," she corrected me. "This is Dr. Leo Sarrazin, interim director of the First
Branch."
"Good afternoon, Doctors," I said with a nod. French involvement, I mused. Interesting. I commented,
"First Branch? As in Massachusetts?"
"No," he said with a curious expression. "As in Nevada."
"Massachusetts?" Dr. Andrews echoed, eyeing me with concern, as if she was concerned for my mental
health.
I blinked. Apparently things weren't set up in this world as they were in the Evangelion timeline I was
familiar with. Oops. "My mistake. I thought I'd heard that there was another branch here in the States."
"Not at this time," Sarrazin said evenly, eyeing me. "Although one is in the planning stages."
Dr. Andrews cleared her throat. "Did you read your introduction manual?"
"Yes, cover to cover several times," I confirmed. I bet I could have cited paragraph and page from it at
that point.
"Good. Now, forget most of what you read."
I was half-prepared for that. "It did seem a little.. 'meatless', if you get my point," I commented.
Dr. Sarrazin nodded. "What you need to know isn't covered in any book. It won't be printed out or written
down. Your training will inscribe it upon your memory to the extent that you will be able to perform your tasks
instinctively. This is absolutely vital for you to succeed."
"I understand," I said.
"Before we do any of this," he went on, "we must familiarize you with the base and its procedures."
Right on time, I thought, ticking another item off my timeline, nodding in reply to the doctor.
"In your manual you should have found your ID card. You will go to Security and have your photograph
etched onto it. Security will provide you with a map of the facility which you will use until you have memorized the
entire layout. Having done that, you will locate your quarters and drop off any unnecessary items there before
proceeding to the Learning Center, where you will sign up for appropriate classes to equate to secondary
schooling of your grade level. And lastly, you will proceed to the Cage."
"The Cage?" I asked, my heart jumping, since I was pretty sure I knew what it meant.
Sarrazin only gave an enigmatic smile. "You will see," he responded.
And they say this isn't a military outfit? I wondered to myself as I headed towards Security with my
strictly ordered list in mind. Of course, I knew that to be bullshit; NERV was the epitome of military in most
respects, and I didn't want to test how far that went. To be frank, I was living every fanboy's dream; I was going
to pilot a 'giant robot' and I was involved with a secret agency.
The fact you're doing it wearing a skirt is immaterial, I quipped, still feeling a draft.
Finding Security was easy; I had been given explicit directions, the only time I would be assisted in
locating something on-base. Much like any other company or organization, they had a photo ID printer and
camera set up in a little side room where I sat, forcing a smile onto my face, hoping it didn't look too goofy; then
blinked the acid-blue spots from the flashbulb out of my eyes, while the printer worked on committing the photo,
good, bad, or otherwise, to the plastic magstriped card.
I screwed up my face in a half-frown, walking down the corridor with my ID card in one hand and the
newly procured map in the other. I was looking at the photo on the card, which looked all right, but wasn't
perfect, as everyone feels their photos are. I clipped the ID to the flap of my left breast pocket and consulted the
map fully, looking for my new home - room 5216.
I learned soon enough that that meant it was in the second floor of building 5, so I flipped the map over
to figure out which one was building 5, and found that the apartment-block-style building was completely on the
other side of the base. Lovely, I frowned. I didn't like walking, although Jill had a much easier time of it than Jack
did fitness-wise. Furthermore, it looked like all the buildings were separated by no less than a 100 meter space
on all sides, so it would be a rotten place to get caught if it rained or a dust storm kicked up or whatever.
Jogging along as fast as my skirt would let me, I hurried out across the pavement, the heat of the day
burning down on me and the winds from the desert blowing across the base, sending my hair whipping in front of
my face and my skirt hem flapping about. I luckily held on to all my paperwork and such, and cursed when I got
to building 5 and figured out that all the buildings were connected with covered walkways on the second floor
level, and I could have been inside all the time.
Stomping up the stairs to the second floor, trying to sweep my hair back into place and brush out any
sand that had been blown into places I could reach, I found myself directly across from the last room on this end
of the floor - room 5216. At least that's going in my favor, I thought.
The door had no keyway, and it dawned on me I hadn't been issued a key anyway. It did have a thin slot
on a silver pad where the doorknob should have been, so I put two and two together and got four. I pulled my ID
card off my blazer pocket, and shoved it in the slot until I found the right way around. A ker-chunking noise
preceded the door popping open an inch or two.
"Voilà," I said with a flourish, nudging the door open with my elbow while I clipped my ID card back to my
jacket with the other hand. The room looked like an unused hotel suite - fresh, brand new sheets and pillows on
a large, clearly comfortable bed; a closet up front near the exit door; a bathroom with a full shower and bathtub,
separately; a small kitchenette with microwave, mini-stove, half fridge, and freezer; a large LCD TV/computer
console atop a work desk at the foot of the bed; and windows on both exterior walls, clearly (pun unintended) a
perk of having a corner suite.
I resisted the urge to flop on the bed as I usually did in hotels. Instead, I dumped everything in my arms
onto the desktop and went into the bathroom. I still had some.. issues, resulting from the little sandstorm I'd been
caught in outside. I got sand in places I didn't even know I had places, I groused, giving me another reason to
dislike skirts.
While I was shaking out my clothes and having a quick shower, I realized that being a girl was likely
another gift from the being that had given me a second chance. Not a cruel joke or a mixup, but a true, genuine
reward. Well, maybe reward isn't the word I'm looking for. The point is, I had learned a ton in a few short days; I
was already appreciative of a lot more about how girls have to live in our society than I had been at any time as
Jack. That sounds like a 'duh', but it's the truth. Furthermore, talking about it allows me to conveniently skip
talking about what I did while lathering up my body in the shower.
On my way again, sandless and feeling fresh and rejuvenated, I found my way to Building 17 and the
education center. I suspected I was one of the very few, or the only, person under age 18 on the base.
Therefore, it simply wasn't cost-effective to run an entire school program as it was in Japan for the other
Children. (Never mind that I'd forgotten the true reason for the Children's class of students in any case.) Learning
here was to be carried out by self-taught modules loaded onto the desktop computer in my suite, learned at my
own pace.
I had no grand ideas that they'd let me skip any of it simply because I'd graduated not only high school
but college in a past life. So I picked a handful of courses that were easy enough to complete without much
effort, but comprehensive enough to meet their idea of a total schooling. There were some courses they required
I take that I didn't have, and they went on the list; in addition, I took the advantage to get a couple things
electively.
"Mathematics Advanced, Physics Advanced, Fitness 2, Japanese, Marksmanship.." the woman at the
learning center said, going through my selection of discs to make sure I'd picked up all the mandatory things.
After checking them off, she moved to my electives.
"History 2, World Politics 1, Fitness 3, and German," she said, looking over her glasses at me.
I shrugged and smiled. "Might come in handy," I replied.
My heart was in my throat as I went to my next stop - after, of course, dropping off the DVDs at my suite;
why didn't the course selection come before my stop there? - which was the so-called Cage. Seeing as how
there were no 20 to 40 story buildings visible when I made the trek outside, I supposed that Building 49 was
largely underground, to handle the bulk of an Eva.
I was right; 49 was two stories tall aboveground and at least 30 stories under the surface, if the elevator
panels were any indication. As I walked through the third (belowground) floor, heading to where the Cage was
on my map, I realized there was a hushed silence preceding me and closing up behind me, as if everyone was
awed by my presence and began to briskly chatter about it just as soon as I'd left their earshot. I tried not to
blush; still, being the star of the show was a little humbling.
Dr. Andrews was waiting when I finally got to the secured Cage entry. "Where have you been?" she
asked, not casually, but not angrily either.
"I couldn't resist taking a shower; sorry, it's the first chance I had in forever," I apologized.
She tch'ed. "You're going to need one once we're done here anyway. You should have waited," she
said. That confirmed my suspicions - Eva 03 was just beyond the next door.
I was directed towards a change room and instructed to put on the suit I found there, and given
instructions on how to do it up. I knew what I was getting into, figuratively and literally, but I wasn't supposed to,
so when the doctor carried on about how I needed to follow instructions no matter how embarrassed I got, I just
nodded and let it roll off me.
As I expected, inside the next room was a plugsuit in a plastic-wrap baggie. Ripping open the baggie, I
found that the suit wasn't Lycra, Spandex, or anything similar as I'd always thought, but was some kind of plastic,
both rigid and malleable at the same time. It was dark gray with black trim in places, and "03" stenciled over the
area that would cover my breastbone.
Climbing into it after undressing and voiding myself (could one even 'go' in the entry plug?), I took a
deep breath and made sure everything was in place before I tapped the control on the left wrist.
With a ssshnk noise the entire suit shrank to fit my form quite snugly - in fact, a little too snugly. It would
expand and 'wear in' after time, much as a new pair of shoes would, but for the time being, it was a little
uncomfortable.
Looking in the mirror, I couldn't help but blush. How can a 14 year old's body look this way? I wondered,
staring at the curvy form in the mirror. Even my breasts looked larger and more defined.
"Miss Thomson," Dr. Andrews called. "Are you done yet?"
"C-coming," I stammered, having been caught off guard. I turned and hurried to the Cage entry, not
noticing how the plugsuit allowed great ease of movement yet kept things from bouncing, if you get what I mean.
I was handed a band with two dark gray plastic/ceramic triangles on it when I got to the Cage door.
"Oh, shit, I almost forgot about these," I blurted out. "Er, I mean, thank you."
As I was trying to figure out how to put the hairband/neuroclips on, Dr. Andrews raised an eyebrow
inquisitively. "Forgot about them?" she asked.
I kicked myself mentally again. "Uh, yeah.. they're in the book somewhere. I know I've read about them.
They help with my control, right?"
"They amplify your neural signals to assist with synchronization, yes," she said evenly. "By the way,
please avoid use of profanity here."
"Sorry," I said, blushing.
"We are going to be putting you in something called a simulation plug," she said. "It is like the cockpit of
the Evangelion, only connected specifically to supercomputers instead."
"A simulation plug?" I echoed, my heart sinking. Did that mean I wouldn't get to see 03 today?
"The cockpit you will be using is loaded and unloaded from the Evangelion with you inside," she
explained the design of the entry plug to me. "Its design allows it to be adjusted to allow for better harmonics or
signal penetration, or removed entirely in case of the imminent destruction of the Eva."
"Great," I said, trying to sound unconcerned, even though I knew all this by heart already.
"There's one more thing. It's filled with liquid while you're inside it."
I blinked for effect and decided to have fun with the doctor. "Y-you mean, like what.. I'm piloting an
aquarium?"
She smiled. "No, not precisely. The liquid is called LCL. It has special properties that allow for enhanced
nerve response and increased reception, plus, it has the added benefit of being able to oxygenate your blood
directly."
"What? Wait! How can it oxygenate my blood directly?"
She smiled, thinking she was about to surprise me. "Because you'll be breathing it instead of air. Don't
worry, your body can handle it. It did so for nine months in your mother's womb."
"Oh," I said, acting confused yet relieved. "I think I saw that in a movie once."
"Perhaps," she smiled, "but not like this."
She led me to a test room that was off to the side of the Cage itself; we never even approached the
door. In the test room was a single simulation plug, sitting at an angle as I'd expected, laid out much like I'd seen
in the anime. I walked over to it after she'd introduced me to the technicians in the control room.
"So I get in here?" I asked, before stepping in.
"Yes," she said. "It'll fill after you are sealed inside.
"No seat belts?" I quipped, sitting down and leaning back to connect the suit to the seat.
"You'll be hydraulically restrained," she smiled. I nodded, never having thought of the LCL's benefits in
that particular regard. She went on: "The controls are largely self-explanatory, especially once you start getting
feedback from the Evangelion, or, in this case, the simulation body. Make sense?"
"Yes ma'a.. I mean, Dr. Andrews," I nodded.
"Good," she smiled, and leaned away from the plug. "Close the simulation plug," she called out.
I tossed a friendly wave as the coffin-like lid motored into place and slid home. In moments, a faint red
glow from an unseen source lit up the working area of the plug.
"Are you ready?" came what I thought was Dr. Andrews' voice through a horribly distorted speaker.
"I.. yeah," I said, truly unsure of how to answer, and eventually just speaking into thin air.
"Commence LCL flow," the speaker said in garbled tones, and the sticky, soupy orange stuff started
flooding into the plug. I fought the intense desire to keep my head above it, and instead sat as still as I could,
hands on the grips, butt in the seat, and blinked my eyes back open after I'd reflexively closed them when the
level reached my head.
"Take it in," the speaker said, a little easier to understand. I opened my mouth and exhaled, bubbles
racing upwards past my face; the next sensation was the oddest thing I have experienced before or since.
Feeling LCL enter my body and flow into my lungs was bizarre, and yet at the same time, I suddenly felt quite
awake and alert.
"Oxygen saturation 100%," came the still-slightly-distorted voice. "Congratulations. That's the fastest I've
ever seen anyone adapt."
"I feel like I'm going to puke," I complained.
"It'll pass," came the reply. To someone else, she said, "Program the language logic interface for
English. Good. Provide current for LCL phase shift."
Wha.. current? I thought. Current means voltage means electricity. I opened my mouth to protest when
suddenly a rainbow effect appeared in the plug, and the sensation of floating in a liquid was gone. I was clearly
still breathing fluid, but everything seemed to be clear and unobstructed all of a sudden.
"Is that better?" Now the voice was definitely Dr. Andrews, and clear as a crystal bell.
"Um.. much," I acknowledged. "It's like night and day."
"Good," she said. "Get ready; we're going to begin. Okay, people, let's go to the A10 level to start with."
The speaker went silent as the technicians began their work.
Suddenly I felt an itching in my arms. The itching was swiftly replaced by the sensation that they were
asleep. I was about to pull them off the throttles/grips to rub them or shake them out, when Dr. Andrews warned
me, "Don't move for a moment. You should start to feel the sensations of the simulation body any time now."
"I think I already do," I told her, describing my condition.
She agreed. "That's good. It means things are working."
"A10 nerve connection normal," a male tech was heard in the background. Andrews answered him with,
"Proceed to absolute borderline at a rate of 0.025," then said to me, "We're bringing it up a notch now. Remain
calm."
"Roger," I acknowledged, marveling at the odd reception I was getting. Suddenly I felt my legs go
through similar sensations that my arms did.
"Check list up to 2580.. Absolute borderline in 0.775 .. 0.625.. 0.475.. 0.325.. 0.225.. 0.125.. 0.075..
0.05.. 0.025... and absolute borderline has been reached," the male tech called out.
"How do you feel now?" Andrews asked me.
"I've picked up the simulation arms and legs, I think," I told her.
"Good," she repeated. "This is the fun part." To her colleagues: "Proceed."
I blinked and shivered a little as everything started to feel strange. The breasts I'd still been getting used
to felt like they had been taken back, even though I could look down and see them still rising and falling with
every fluidic breath. My neck felt a little stiff as I looked around a little.
Finally someone said, "Thirteen point five."
Andrews hmm'ed. "Jillian? Can you concentrate on flexing your fingers please? In your mind, not
physically."
I did as requested, and felt a little spike in my sensations. "Thirteen eight," came the male voice again.
"She has control. It's not pretty, but.."
"It'll do," Andrews told him. "Bring it back down." To me: "That was excellent, Jillian. Well done."
"That's it?" I asked.
"For now," Andrews confirmed. "All we were doing is ensuring you could synchronize. That's been
confirmed. Baby steps, Pilot."
"But thirteen point eight.. was that my sync ratio?" I asked. "I know I can do bett--"
"Baby steps," Andrews interrupted. "Walk before you can run."
"All right," I said dejectedly.
"It's going to feel strange for a moment while we de-energize the LCL and drain the plug. You'll have to
cough up the fluid as the plug drains - don't fret about where it goes or what comes up with it. It'll be dealt with."
"If you say so," I responded, already hearing the speaker click off and the pumps' motors spool down. In
a moment, I knew what she meant by 'whatever else comes up with it'; when I evacuated my breathing passages
of LCL, all the mucus and stuff .. well, snot .. from my nasal passages came with it. On the positive side, I'd
never had a clearer airway. On the other hand, all the stories were right - everything reeked of blood.
I climbed out of the plug, after getting the bright idea to squeeze and wring my hair into the rapidly
draining pool of LCL and crud at the bottom of the plug. At least it wouldn't be dripping everywhere.
Dr. Andrews greeted me. "That was excellent," she repeated. "How did it feel?"
"Weird," I said, telling the truth for one of the first times since I'd become a NERV employee. "And yet at
the same time, exhilarating."
"I know," she smiled. "The rest of the day is yours. Go wash up and settle in to your new digs."
"Um," I began, not knowing if breaching the subject was taboo. "I thought the Cage was where the
Evangelion was stored."
"It is," she said, turning back to look at me with a curious expression.
"Is there.. any reason why I haven't been taken to see it yet?" I queried.
The scene was largely like what Shinji had experienced in the first episode, though without the dramatic
snapping-on of lights, nor the despised father figure sneering down from above. (Nor the barely ambulatory
fellow pilot being wheeled in, but I digress.) Eva 03 looked strikingly similar to 01 (less the horn) to me, but all
black and dark blue instead of purple, and with silver trim. All I could see of it - of her - was the head, at this
point, the two eyes unblinkingly staring back at me.
I do hope you're not infused with Bardiel already, I silently prayed. After a moment, I thought, I wonder
who you are. Who's within you?
No answer came back, of course.
"It's amazing, isn't it?" Andrews asked, causing me to jump slightly. I had forgotten she was beside me.
"Quite a feat," I agreed, looking back at what I knew was a helmet, not an armored head unit.
"Oh, it's far from complete at this point," Andrews shrugged. "Work is still progressing far below the
surface." She gestured to the purple sea surrounding the creature.
"Still.. it's a rather awesome sight," I replied, using the word in its true meaning, not the slang term.
"Indeed," she nodded. "There are two in Japan now, one in Germany, and this one here. And one yet to
be built here at a later date, likely here."
"Wow," I said, now lapsing back into the charade of disbelief. "All like this?"
"Of sorts," she said noncommittally. "One is the prototype, one is the test type - you saw that one in the
video - and the other is the full production model. The third one I just described is the one most like yours."
"And the rest, I presume they'll be evolutions based on this?" I asked, gesturing to 03.
"Correct," Andrews said. "For now, though, let's just focus on your piloting training.
"Okay," I nodded. "Thank you for showing me."
"Quite all right," the doctor replied. "We'll see you in the morning."
I nodded and started to walk back to the doors that would take me to the showers. Before I left, I turned
to face 03's visage one more time.
I hope we get along, I thought, partly to myself, and partly to the Eva.
After my shower, and getting changed back into the uniform, I sought out Dr. Andrews again as I
remembered something.
"Doctor," I said, trying to get her attention.
"Oh - yes, Jillian?" she said, smiling brightly.
I smiled back. "First of all, I prefer Jill, if you please. Second.. what can I do about getting some clothes?
All I have is the plugsuit and what I'm wearing right now."
"You won't need anything else for tomorrow; just keep your uniform clean tonight," she said. "But if we
do well tomorrow, I'll see what I can do about getting you into town to do some shopping."
"I'll need an advance, too," I said, fingering the NERV badge clipped to my chest. "Unless I can pay with
this."
"Actually, you can," she smiled. "That's what we use as currency; it works just like a credit or debit card
almost anywhere. It'll be charged against your paycheck at the end of the pay cycle."
"That settles it, then," I smiled, nodding. "Thanks very much, and I'll see you in the morning."
"All right. Have a good evening, Jill."
I nodded and thanked her, then headed off towards Building 5.
This time I did flop down on the bed, and I wasn't at all disappointed with the results. It was one of the
most comfortable beds I had ever put my back against.
I lay there for a long while, hands interlocked behind my head, still fully dressed (except for my shoes),
staring at the ceiling.
Spending most of the day in a skirt had been a quick indoctrination into how to wear the silly things. I felt
almost as comfortable now with it on as any other piece of clothing.
What kind of girl should I be? I wondered. I could get used to skirts and stuff. I mean, I already am, sort
of. If a half a day counts..
Or, I figured, I could always wear trousers, and eschew the idea I was a woman in any way.
I looked down at myself. "Nope," I said in my feminine voice. "There's no denying it."
No reason to, either. My time as a guy had ended. It was time to embrace Jill's identity.
Chapter Three: Feet First
My dreams overnight focused on wild, crazy things. I was chased down the halls of my old school by a
miniature, human-sized Angel; I stared down Giant Naked Rei. I drowned twice and nobody even batted an eye
either time, thinking I was just practicing to be a pilot. I was hit by a race car and had to be put in a tank of LCL
while I regenerated, drawing life energy from a vat of clones like the Reiquarium. I became trapped in an
Evangelion, synchronizing so well that it took on my appearance and I lumbered around permanently as a 200
foot tall version of myself.
I can't even blame all this crap on eating too soon before bed, I grumbled upon waking up, trying to
ignore my rumbling stomach. I'd have to get something from a snack bar - I was sure I'd seen one somewhere on my way to the Cage.
Showering, cleaning up, and getting dressed were my immediate goals, in that order. It wasn't that hard,
though I wasn't thrilled about putting the same clothes on two days in a row, especially since they'd been
sandblasted the day before. In an effort to make them at least seem fresh, I took the travel iron that was tucked
in my closet (I told you it was like a hotel room) and pressed each pressable item as best I could.
Mom, if you could only see me now, I said to myself, smirking as I stood there in my underwear, using an
iron for the first time in at least a decade. Then again, if my mother - Jack's mom, the one I knew and
remembered - had seen me at that moment, she first of all wouldn't know it was me, and second, even if she did
know it was me, would be too shocked to notice what task I was performing.
"About as good as it's gonna get," I muttered, holding the skirt up for inspection. Putting it on, I surmised
it was a largely wasted effort anyway, as I'd probably spend 90 percent of the day in my plugsuit instead. Still, it
was high time I took pride in my appearance, as I'd promised myself when I woke up in the hospital, so it wasn't
exactly completely hopeless.
Forty minutes later, I was finishing off the last of a can of apple juice and a sausage and cheese muffin
as I arrived at the Cage. Dr. Andrews was waiting, of course.
"Well, good morning; glad you could join us," she remarked.
"It's 7:49," I said, glancing at the clock. "Don't I have 11 minutes yet?"
She smiled and commented to the technician sitting nearby, "I told you she wasn't easy to get flustered."
I blinked, not understanding what the whole deal was, and tossed my empty drink can into a nearby
recycling bin. "Should I go get changed?"
"Not right yet, Pilot," Dr. Andrews said, standing up from the corner of the desk on which she was
seated. "First we want to do some tests."
"I thought the whole day was tests," I said.
Oh.. this kind of test, I realized several minutes later, seated at a work desk, filling in blanks on a
Scantron sheet with a certified number 2 pencil. The questions seemed to have been swiped right from the
standard IQ test, various aptitude and standards tests, physics, math, scientific fields, and even a couple ones I
would have considered moral or philosophical essays. (Don't ask how I answered that on the computerized
scoring sheet. It wasn't pretty.) The test was all over the map and then some, and as I found out when I finished
it, I still wasn't done. After I turned it in and while it was being marked, I was told to study my base map and
memorize the locations of all first-aid locations. I was halfway through that when another test was slapped down
in front of me, the papers still warm; apparently printed up specifically based on how well I'd scored on the
previous test. This one focused on radio communications theory, more mathematics and biological sciences
(never my strong suits), mechanical repair and upkeep theory, and, again, psychological profiling of some sort
that was still hard as hell to put down on a multiple-choice answer form.
As the technician/exam proctor picked up my completed paper, I looked up at him with as fierce a glare
as I could muster, considering my already-exhausted mental state. "If you put down a third test, you'll pull back a
bloody stump."
He chuckled and walked away. I frowned and went back to the map memorization thing, having not been
told to do anything else yet. The time was 9:43.
At precisely 10:00, the PA came on. "Pilot Thomson report to medical station 324A immediately." It
repeated once and clicked off.
I blinked, standing up, and looked around. The tech, Dr. Andrews; no one was around. Was this part of
the test - deciding if I could leave without permission?
I cursed myself as I started out the door back into the base proper. I'd been going through the list of aid
stations numerically, as they were listed on my chart, and was only in the 240s when the PA called me out. I had
noticed what I thought was a pattern to the numbering, though - it didn't follow the same scheme as the room or
building numbers, of course - and got halfway across the base to 324A, in the northeast quadrant, in six minutes.
"Good time," a uniformed guard said as I ran up, panting. He held out a defibrillator - a blocky, 20-pound
lunchpail-sized device. "This has to go back to the manufacturer for repair. The truck leaves at 10:15 from
Loading Dock 17 in Building 9."
"B.. building 9," I said breathlessly, visualizing it in the southeasternmost corner of the base, where the
gates were for semis and cars alike to come and go. "Got it."
"By fifteen past, Pilot!" the man called out as I turned and ran.
Sweet Jesus Christ, I cursed to myself four and a half minutes later, only about halfway to my
destination, my arms burning from exertion only about half as badly as my legs were. A 14-year-old body can't
push as hard as a full grown adult can, especially carrying a bulky, awkward piece of equipment.
"I am so not going to make it," I moaned in despair, trying not to give in and slow to a walk. Arriving at
one of the longest skywalks in the complex, I blinked and saw a guy with an electric cart-like device idling in the
open area where building lobby met skywalk.
I ran up to him, almost doubling over as I dumped the defibrillator in the back cargo area. "Sir, I need
your help," I blurted out.
"Wha? I'm waiting for somebody," he protested. "We gotta move a--"
"Sir, I have to get this to LD17 B9 right now," I said with desperation, looking him in the eye. I don't know
if he took pity on a young girl looking forlornly at him or what, but his expression softened.
"Right now, huh?"
"Faster would be better," I said, stealing a line from a favorite TV show.
"All right, get on then," he said, patting the seat beside him.
The golf cart screeched to a halt just inside Loading Dock 17 at thirteen minutes past the hour. I picked
up the defibrillator and virtually dragged it over to the shipping counter at the dock.
"What's this?" the guy at the counter asked.
"Return for repair," I said, pushing the device towards him. "I was told it has to be on the 10:15 truck."
"I don't have it on my sheet," he said. "Where'd you bring it from?"
"Aid station 324A," I said, recalling the place from memory, luckily.
"Hmm. Okay, I can get it on." He hand-wrote the information on the bottom of the last sheet of his
manifest. "Name?"
"Wha?"
"Your name, please?" he bit out.
"Oh. Jill Thomson," I answered. "Sorry."
"Sign here, please."
I took the pen and blinked as I stared at the signature line. This would be the first time I'd ever put my
new name to paper. Trying not to appear as if hesitating, I scrawled out the two words; the handwriting reminded
me a lot of how my old signature looked at age 14, albeit a little smoother.
"Got it, it's on its way," the shipper confirmed, putting it in a case and shoving it down the conveyor belt.
"Thanks," I nodded. I turned around and the guy with the cart was gone; so much for getting a lift back to
where I'd commandeered him.
Suddenly, red strobes mounted on the walls began flashing, and an alarm sounded. On the PA, a voice
declared, "This is a drill. This is a drill. All personnel report to your assigned emergency stations. This is a drill."
I let out a forceful sigh. "You got to be kidding me," I said, looking around. There was no other option
but to run, again. I was reasonably certain my assigned emergency station would be in the Eva.
I departed the loading dock as people scrambled to and fro, gathering equipment and manning their
posts. It dawned on me what was going on, and I shook my head a little. Pulling out all the stops, I mused. I
hope these people don't figure out this is all because of me, or I might get lynched.
By 10:21 I was back at the Cage, my legs feeling like jello and my lungs threatening to burst. Dr.
Andrews was standing in the offices where all this had started, and pointed towards the change room "Into your
suit," she urged. "Quickly."
Yup.. exactly what I'd figured. I dashed wordlessly into the change room and stripped down, pulling out
the freshly cleaned plugsuit and tearing it out of the silly plastic-wrap cover for the second day in a row. Climbing
into the suit, I reflected that once I sealed it, at least my legs would maintain some semblance of shape if they
Tangified from being run completely ragged all morning.
Once in the suit, I headed out the other side of the change room and was directed towards the
simulation plug. This wasn't what I expected, but I did it anyway. As I climbed into the plug and waited for it to fill
with LCL, I realized that I might not get into the Eva for weeks yet.
"Slow your breathing down," Dr. Andrews demanded after I'd transitioned to fluid breathing in the LCL.
"Take it easy. Focus on synchronizing."
So that was the purpose. Get me all worked up, throw me a surprise alert, and see if I could still sync
up. Well, I could handle that, I was confident.
I tried to control my breathing, but holding one's breath while your blood is being directly oxygenated
doesn't have the same effect as when air is involved. Holding your breath normally increases a function called
hypoxic drive, which is where you have an autonomic demand to take in a breath in order to pull in more air,
which brings in more oxygen. With liters of LCL inside me, providing oxygen directly to me, I had no hypoxia
(literally - lack of oxygen) to speak of, and, truth be told, I probably could have held my breath for a hell of a long
time. One day I'll have to experiment with that.
So anyway, I had to physically focus on my actual breathing rhythm and will it to slow down. As I was
trying to do that, I heard Dr. Andrews say calmly over the speakers, "Focus on the simulation body, please."
How inna hell am I supposed to do both.. I stewed, but decided to put the breathing exercises out of the
way for a minute and try to envision my arms and legs becoming the simulation body's - or vice versa, however
you want to put it. Once I got synced up, surely I could get my breathing under control.
The soon-to-be-familiar sensation of legs and arms overlapping with what I was getting from my own
flesh and blood returned slowly, as if I was still unused to it - which was exactly the case, of course, this being
only the second time I'd attempted synchronization. In another moment, the torso and head came to me, and I
had as good a synchronization as I was going to get.
As I worked on calming down my breathing and heart rate, which was still hard due to the adrenaline
coursing through me, I heard the tech call out: "Thirteen ei.. nine. Stable at thirteen nine."
"All right," Dr. Andrews said, not sounding elated, but not disgusted either. "Jill, you've reached
synchronization. Well done."
"Can.. can I just sit here for a bit?" I asked, finally catching my breath. "With or without the simulation
body active, I don't care. I just need to sit for a few minutes."
"Of course," she said. "Do you want to try it with the simulation body left on?"
"Sure," I shrugged.
"Very well." To the techs: "Continue monitoring, but prepare for disconnect on.. Pilot Thomson's order."
"Thank you," I told her. Clearly from her tone of voice, she was entrusting me with something I shouldn't
have the rights to at this skill level.
"Just relax. You passed, Jill. Well done."
"Thank you, Doctor," I repeated, smiling and shutting my eyes.
Dressed and dried some 45 or more minutes later, I was finally granted leave to go get some muchneeded supplies. They provided a car and an escort in the form of Agent Shirobu, who chauffeured me into a
medium-sized town nearby with a Wal-Mart.
Getting followed around the store by my shadow - in the form of the tall Japanese man in a dark suit was rather annoying, but couldn't be helped, I figured. They weren't about to let me out of their sight for anything.
Pushing an empty cart before me, I went into the young ladies' section of the clothing department,
drawing a deep breath. In short order, a roaming clerk asked if I needed help.
"Let me get this all out in one breath," I told her. "I've got literally nothing but the clothes on my back. I
need everything; bra, underwear, shirt, pants, shoes, socks, whatever. I'm not interested in making a fashion
statement and I don't want to be here for 9 hours trying on trendy crap. I just want some comfortable, functional
clothes to wear. That's it."
That seemed to get my point across. I hate to perpetuate a stereotype, but I was interested solely in
getting in and out with the least hassle, like a guy would. I didn't want to be mistaken for the typical young girl
who wanted to spin around before a mirror for the rest of the day, trying out things she'd never have a real
chance to wear in a normal setting.
It still took about 45 minutes, but I ended up with the cart about three-quarters full, with a number of pairs
of pants, socks, two pairs of shoes (one set of runners and one dressy pair, if you really must know); a bunch of
T-shirts and some button-up shirts, as well as a couple of blouses; some shorts and other athletic wear, plenty of
undergarments, and yes, all right already, I did pick up two skirts. Get over it.
Shirobu balked as I wheeled towards another section of the store instead of heading to the checkouts at
that point. "Miss, where are--"
"Music," I declared. "I need some tunes."
"Miss, we're here strictly to obtain clothing for you.."
I stopped and looked over my shoulder, upwards at him. "Section Two gonna condone me downloading
five or six hundred songs off torrent sites?"
He looked down at me silently, lips forming a thin line.
"Thought so," I said, resuming my trek towards the electronics department.
I found myself humming Komm Süsser Tod while I flipped through the racks of CDs. It dawned on me at
that point that there was a whole portion of my favorite music that would not be available in this world - most
likely - namely everything done for the Evangelion series, among some other stuff. I mourned internally for its
loss and moved on to the next aisle.
After I was done selecting music, I decided to grab some groceries too, to stock up my fridge. No, I did
not make a trip past the cosmetics counter on my way to the cashiers. You people are relentless, you know that?
Shirobu helped me load my $2000+ US shopping spree into the trunk of the dark Crown Vic while I
wondered if I'd just spent my first three or four paychecks before even getting them. I wonder how much being a
savior of the planet pays? I quipped to myself.
On the way back to the base, I fiddled with the controls in the limo-style staff car, trying to distract myself
from the task that would be at hand once I arrived 'home': No, not supper - starting on my first 'homework
assignments' in the self-managed learning modules. I was going to have to get busy on them, I figured, with the
course load I had laid out for myself.
I am going to be bagged when this day is over, I sighed, lowering the window and letting the wind blow
through my hair. And this is just the start of things.
"The meteorite impact released enough energy to flash-melt 96 percent of the ice shelf surrounding the
southernmost continent," the documentary video droned on as I sat and watched, perched on the chair,
munching on some potato chips. "The result was a series of tsunamis which killed millions instantly upon
landfall, and raised the sea levels 60 meters in some locales. Many hundred millions more died as a direct result
of the tsunamis' destruction of local infrastructure."
"Weak cover-up," I muttered to myself, watching the footage of various areas that seemed too badly
damaged to consider 'disaster zone' an adequate description. The way I recalled it from the series, Second
Impact caused the instantaneous death - or 'ascension', or whatever - of at least 2, maybe 3 billion people. I'd
lived through.. well, that's maybe the wrong way to put it. My original world lived through a monster tsunami in
2004, reportedly caused by an earthquake off Sumatra, which killed a hundred thousand or more - and it took
weeks to build that death toll. Even a tsunami on an orders-of-magnitude greater scale would still take time to
take as many lives as the Second Impact cover story was blamed for. Even if they'd blamed part of it on the dust
and debris kicked up by the meteor impact, that still would take something on the order of months to kill people
off.
I shut up and turned my attention back to the video, which was pointing out to me that regardless of the
story, true or not, the end result was the same - lives were lost in great, heretofore-unfathomable numbers. As I
mentioned earlier, New York City was all but lost. Coastlines around the world were redrawn, sometimes day by
day as water levels sought their final point. The planet's climate abruptly changed; according to the video
because the meteoric impact had caused a shift in the planet's axis, actually turning the world in its orbit.
Probably closer to the truth was the introduction of so much new liquid that had been until that point essentially a
land mass had caused some profound ecological revisions.
I sat up straight in the chair at that point, getting out a pencil and paper and jotting down the revised
capital cities that they mentioned in passing - rewinding and replaying the section over and over until I got them
all down. To anyone who lived through it, that section of the video would be little more than a slight bit of
commentary, and it was glossed over pretty quickly. I freeze-framed it and stepped through it slowly, like a Star
Wars fanboy inspecting a CGI scene, so that I would not look like a total twit when I found that I was making
reference to a city that had been abandoned in 2000 and moved 75 or 80 miles inland to the new shoreline.
I could just imagine what someone would think if they dropped in on me at that point. What'm I doin'?
Oh, nothing, just fortifying my knowledge with things I should know as a native of your reality. Want a potato
chip?
As I resumed my original seating position, feet up on the seat of the chair along with my butt, knees
drawn in close to my chin (I enjoyed being smaller than I used to be, in some respects), I put another handful of
chips in my mouth, and the disc continued on with more about the aftermath of Second Impact. The story was
being told of how the UN managed to take control of the situation and bring nations together, though there was
feuding of some sort on many fronts for months afterwards. That was solved when the UN amalgamated a
number of its member countries' armies into a conglomerate something something..
I woke up when I hit the ground, having fallen completely off the chair sideways to the floor. I dropped
potato chips all over the floor, the empty plastic bowl clattering away into a corner. Getting up and feeling bruises
already forming on top of the day's earlier bruises, I decided maybe it was time to stop and rest for the night.
Cleaning up the mess as best I could, and shutting off the notebook computer that was my classroom
teacher, I shed the T-shirt and shorts I'd been wearing as lounge wear and headed to bed.
The next few days played out much the same way, save for the shopping trip. A pattern developed: I
was to do my fitness lessons every morning immediately before arriving at the Cage, the reason twofold. One, it
ensured I was keeping up with my physical fitness and learning schedules; two, it got me physically worked up
right before I entered the sim plug. The end result was that my synchronization abilities were becoming easier
and easier to do at will, regardless of my physical condition, and I actually started to see a rise in points. Nothing
spectacular, mind you - from almost 14 percent on the first true day of testing, through to 17.7 at the end of that
week.
I studied my brains out when I wasn't doing Eva-related training - either in the sim plug or committing to
memory aspects of the Eva and its support systems. I was actually getting fairly good with knowing the things I
was supposed to know already. The part which startled me the most was how well I was picking up my two
alternate languages - the mandatory Japanese and the elective German. I suppose the fact of the matter was
that as a dedicated anime fan, I had been exposed to a lot of Japanese; and having been a product of the
Canadian school system in my past life, I'd learned French, which meant German wasn't that hard to assimilate
either.
I lay on my bed one night, eyes shut, trying to learn how to control my breathing in different ways, to help
with the sim plug practice. My mind started to drift to the timeline that I knew, if it even applied any more.
I wonder what's going on in Tokyo-3 right now. Has Rei had her failed activation experiment? Has
Sachiel appeared? Is Shinji on a train or still living somewhere else?
And just how exactly does Three's current status fit into that? I wondered. As far as I knew, the Eva was
well on its way to being completed and ready for me to get in and test - or, it could be ready to go now, and they
could just be blowing a lot of smoke in my direction with the 'work is still underway' crap. This was way ahead of
schedule as far as I knew.
Then again, the fact that Nevada was First Branch instead of Second Branch turned all that on its ear,
anyway.
Am I going to disappear in a puff of anti-matter during a super solenoid test? I asked myself. That too
didn't fit the timeline; Three was to be contaminated by Bardiel upon its first activation test - taking place in
Japan, not America - and be destroyed at the hands of Shogouki, Eva 01.
"Stop trying to find ways to die," I scolded myself. If I had anything to say about it, I was going to survive
all my startup tests, and feel the power of an Evangelion and its AT Field. I would see it all through to the
moment of Third Impact, and do all I could to help the other Children during that time - whether we stopped
Instrumentality or not. I would either experience it with them, or help them prevent it.
There is no guarantee things will go the way you recall them, I found myself thinking as I drifted off to
sleep, surely to have more outrageous dreams, like I had ever since assuming Jill's identity.
June started on a Monday that year. I should have known that everything was going to go to shit, from
the very fact it was Monday.
Dr. Andrews wanted to take me in for a full physical and medical, for starters.
"Why now?" I protested. "After a month of sim body testing, now you're going to see how my real body
stacks up?"
She stopped walking down the hall with me to the infirmary and turned to me. "I'm going to be frank with
you."
Can I be Jack, then? I barely resisted quipping.
"Your synchronization and harmonics scores.. they're not the best in the world. They're not even second
best. We're somewhat concerned about what might be causing this."
"I thought biological stuff didn't affect sync ratios?" I said, before realizing yet another slip up.
Luckily, she missed or ignored it. "They don't. But perhaps there is something we can deduce from
looking at you." She turned to continue on, prompting me to follow once more. "You should've had this when you
came here, anyway - the only reason we didn't was because you were already under a doctor's care."
"Right," I said. I wasn't looking forward to poking, prodding, checking, and generally undressing in front
of anyone. So far I'd managed to keep nudity to myself, and I didn't know how I'd react when stripping in front of
another person.
Hah, you thought I was going to say another woman. Dream on, fool.
"Well, that settles that," Dr. Andrews said, stripping off the exam gloves.
"Does it now?" I queried, putting my underwear back on.
"You're the picture of health," she declared. "Even your leg injuries are quite nicely healed up. I trust
you're not having any problems with them?"
I thought back to the day I'd been run ragged - day two of the sim body tests. "I think we can say they've
held up to the punishment nicely."
"Before you get too much more on, let's weigh you and such." She gestured to one of those balancescale pedestals, on which I stepped obediently.
The little weight on top stopped in between 6 and 7. "Um.." I said, confused, never having been able to
read those scales properly.
"Almost 47 kilograms," she said, gesturing to the larger weight just below the first one. "About a hundred
and four pounds."
"Oh," I said with surprise, blinking. First I went from 5 foot 10 to 5 foot 3.. then from ... well, a lot.. down
to 104?
"You really should put on a bit of weight."
I blinked again. "Excuse me?"
"Ideal weight for a girl your size is 107 to 111 pounds. Have you been doing some sort of diet?"
"..No," I said, though I couldn't exactly admit to her that I'd been watching what I ate since my brain was
still wired to accept two double bacon cheeseburgers and a large fries as a normal-sized meal.
"Have a couple of celebratory dinners once in a while," she joked. "Especially now that you've started a
serious fitness regime, you're going to be burning more calories than you're used to. Have a milkshake every
now and then."
I smirked. "I'm dreaming, right?"
"Don't let it go to your head," she said dryly. "Or your stomach. Just enough to bulk up a little bit."
"You're the doctor, Doctor," I replied. Shifting gears, I said, "So, um.. if my medical came out clean,
then.."
She understood what I was getting at, and sat down on the edge of the exam table. "I honestly don't
know. Are you nervous? Worried? In the simulation plug, I mean."
"I don't think so," I shrugged. "I just want to do a good job. I want to pilot Eva."
She hmm'ed, mulling it over. I went on: "Is it possible I'm trying too hard?"
"I don't know about that," she said with a shake of her head. "I guess it's something we can, at the very
least, rule out. Have you ever tried meditative exercises?"
"Not seriously," I told her. In Jack's life, I had been given a couple sessions one time by one of those
workplace ergonomics feng shui new age-ists.
"It might be worth a try," Dr. Andrews mused.
I sighed and finished putting on my clothes. "Well, I guess it's good to know I'm healthy."
"Yes," the doctor said distractedly, looking over my chart.
I paused, and asked, "Could I go through a test today?"
"A test.. you mean a synchro test, with the simulation body?" she asked. When I nodded, she said, "The
staff isn't assembled.. there's no one to monitor the--"
"Doctor," I said, "forgive me for getting ahead of the curve a bit here, but it's occurred to me that there
will be some times when I'll have to start the Eva by myself. I won't have an army of technicians to watch and
monitor every little bit. I'm reasonably certain that while you might like to have 47 techs in the room when I do a
sync test, they're not all required."
Dr. Andrews looked over my smiling face, and pulled out her cell phone. Dialing a number, she paused
to let it connect, then said, "Mister Quinn? Andrews here. Is there anyone you can grab and sidetrack for a few
minutes? ... Lina? That'll do fine. Please meet me in the sim control room at the Cage in 15 minutes."
"Thank you," I mouthed, and hurried out the door towards the lockers.
"Jill, are you ready?"
I stopped 'holding my breath', amused that I'd done it for 3 minutes and 27 seconds with ease in the fluid
atmosphere. "Yes, doctor," I called out.
"Very well. Begin."
I thought about the process and ran over the checklist in my mind. LCL filled.. check. Entry plug in
position.. not applicable. "Initiate nerve connections."
Just speaking it didn't do anything. I blinked, and must have seemed puzzled. An amused Dr. Andrews
said, "Did you engage the switch?"
"Oh!" I said, lunging for the manual control that initiated the process from within the Eva, as I was trying
to do. The now-familiar sensations of the sim body gradually came into focus. Okay.. um.. guess I can skip the
bit about primary and secondary lock bolts.. "Synchro start."
"Interesting," Dr. Andrews said after a long pause. She was looking at the display in front of the male
tech she'd called in.
"What? What is it?" I asked curiously.
"How do you feel?" she said. "Any different than usual?"
"..No," I said, after taking stock of myself and the sim body's returns.
"Your sync ratio today is over 19 percent," she told me.
I blinked. It was over a whole percent gain from my previous personal best. "Really??"
"Nineteen point three. It's still nothing to write home about, but it's an improvement. Have you been
holding out on me?"
"No! No ma'a.. doctor! I swear!" I said happily. Finally things were looking up.
However, as I said before, this was a Monday, and Mondays dislike me for some reason.
Be proud of me now, mom! I thought to myself, visualizing Jack's mother in my head. Suddenly, a
shudder ran through me.
"Psychograph unstable," Mr. Quinn told the doctor.
"Sync ratio dropping, down point five," the other tech called out.
"Jill, focus," Dr. Andrews cautioned me.
Ohshit, what did I do? I worried. Unbeknownst to me, though, my control over the fake Eva was already
lost, my mind distracted by thoughts I shouldn't be having.
"Still dropping," Lina added.
"Pilot Thomson," the doctor bit out. "Focus!"
"I'm trying--" I protested, just before controls started to flash red and an alarm sounded in the control
room.
"Below the threshold," Lina declared. "Synchronization lost."
"...Sorry?" I squeaked at a glaring Dr. Andrews.
"I think we're done for today, Jillian," she said curtly, sending the commands to cut power and drain the
LCL. "You are dismissed."
Don't fucking blame me, I fumed, back in my room, having flopped down on my bed. It's not like it was
my fault.
I knew that to be a lie the moment it entered my consciousness. Everything inside the simulation plug
was because of my actions, one way or another. Whatever had caused the house of cards to tip over and crash
was my own doing.
So what happened? I wondered. Everything turned to shit when I started thinking of Mom..
I blinked as the reality of it hit me. Not possible, I protested. The simulation body doesn't have a soul like
the Eva. It can't grouse about me calling another 'mom'.
Did that mean I was conceding that Jill's mother was in Eva-03? I set that question aside for the time
being and carried on with my internal explanation of what had gone wrong. The sim body can't perceive the
difference between 'my' mom and.. I shook my head. "Stupid," I said aloud. No, but it surely can sense a mind at
odds with itself.
When I thought of my mother, the first thing to pop into my mind's eye was, of course, Jack's mom.
However, my body, and the life I'd been consciously working at leading for the past few weeks, contradicted that
image. Somewhere in my subconscious, I knew I was getting conflicting signals, and that was what was causing
disruption in my concentration.
Is that it? Is that what's keeping me from syncing? I wondered. Memories of my mother?
I sighed and shut my eyes, listening to my breathing, in and out, rising and falling. In a fashion, I was
doing the meditating the doctor had prescribed without actually realizing it.
You won't mind if I put you out of my mind for then, will you, Mom?
I had to make a conscious effort to put Jack behind me, at least during synchronization, and be Jill in
whole.
Just focus on the sync ratio, I urged myself. You don't even have to be Jill. Just be the Fourth Child. Just
'be'.
In the morning, I stood before the mirror, brushing out my damp hair - which was a task I was still getting
used to again, considering as Jack, I'd managed my hairstyle with an electric trimmer - keeping it so short as to
not be able to comb it at all. As I've said before, though, I liked this length of hair on Jill. In any case, comparing
hairstyles with past lives was furthest from my mind at that point.
I was worried that the possibility of my being Fourth Child was actually in jeopardy. As is usually the
case with me, having time to sleep on things had the opposite effect from what it had for normal people. Most
folk would calm down after they thought on something for a while. In my case, my mind just came up with
dozens of new ways to worry about things.
It's simple, I tried to reassure myself. Just do the job. Forget about everything else. I smirked as a
mangling of a line from an old Chevy Chase movie came to me. Be the Eva. Nnnna-na-na-na-na-na-na..
"Today," I told my reflection, "you are going to break twenty. And never look back."
I tried not to wither before the stern gaze of Dr. Andrews upon my arrival at the Cage.
"Good morning," I said sheepishly.
"Good morning," Dr. Andrews echoed. "Let's get right into things, shall we?"
"Okay," I said, and my surprised reaction must have been more overt than I thought.
"Yesterday was yesterday," she said. "It's behind us now. Start fresh today."
"Yes ma'am," I nodded eagerly.
"Today, providing the synchronization holds, we're going to go for a sustained harmonics test. You'll be
in the plug for a few hours at least. Do you want to get something to eat first?"
"Um.. yes please," I nodded. The most I'd been in the simulation plug at one time to date was the day I'd
run myself ragged with the silly defibrillator scavenger hunt, and even then, it'd only been 45 minutes at most.
"Go ahead. Be back in half an hour."
I headed out to a snack bar and found something to fill my belly, hoping it wouldn't go through me too
quickly - the worst thing I could imagine was needing to 'go' while in the plug for an extended period of time. I
know I've said that before, but it's such a significant concern that I bring it up again.
Having said that, I went and ate, then did my business, going into the change room directly instead of
doing an exercise run or a shower. The boss seemed to imply she wanted to get right to work instead - and I had
to agree - my sync ratio was more important than attaining it in all sorts of conditions.
Dr. Andrews said nothing as I passed the simulation control center, on my way to the sim plug. No 'good
luck' or 'let's do better today'. Not a thing.
So I climbed into the simulation plug, watching the lid slide shut, and waited for any commentary from
the control center. When none occurred, I declared, "Ready for LCL fill."
"Commence LCL fill," tech Mr. Quinn said.
I waited for the gooey orange fluid to come to my chin level, then opened my mouth and took a gulp of it.
I was hoping that, with practice, I could be ready and breathing LCL before the plug was even fully filled.
"Initiate nerve connections," I called out, reaching forward to throw the switch.
"Progressing," was the response. "Clear through 2580. A10 connection nominal."
I shut my eyes and took a calming 'breath'. Okay. Let's do this.
"Absolute borderline reached.. and passed," Quinn declared. "Psychograph stable."
All I concerned myself with at that point was the simulation body and linking up with it. I willed every
segment and section - limbs one at a time, torso, head - to come into full focus, before I moved on to the next
portion.
As everything resolved itself, I looked up to the video link showing me the control center. Andrews and
Quinn were looking at the screens, not saying a word.
"What's my sync ratio?" I asked.
No one responded for a moment. Shit. "Is it that bad?" I said softly after a pause.
"Eighteen point six," Andrews answered.
I was miffed. "You can't be seri.. Fine." If I could have sighed in the LCL, I would have.
"Don't worry about it right now. It works, and we'll continue with the harmonics evaluation."
"All right," I said, shaking my head.
To the technicians, Andrews said, "Let's set the plug depth at 2.5 for the moment. Confirm, please?"
"Confirmed," Quinn responded. I heard a whirring noise outside the plug, acting like the entry plug
screwing deeper into the plug cavity in the Eva. At least, I presumed. I didn't have time to dwell on that, as I was
suddenly feeling different sensations from the simulation body.
"I got that," I said, though the fact was they probably didn't need any verbal confirmation from me
whatsoever. It's hard to describe in words; suddenly my senses seemed clearer in some ways and less defined
in others. I guess a good analogy would be taking two halves of an image on two separate pieces of paper and
trying to make them line up. It seemed like plug depth 2.5 was better than whatever it had been before, but still
wasn't perfect.
No response came from the control room. They communicated with one another for a few moments,
using terminology that even as an Eva pilot (or prospective one) was above my talent level. Then, a request:
"Jill, try to flex your right hand. Your Eva's hand, I mean."
My simulation body's right hand, I silently corrected her. Concentrating, I envisioned my hand opening
and closing, trying not to connect it mentally with the similar scenes seen frequently in the anime. I felt the
feedback one would normally get from making her hand into a fist over and over.
Again the crews chattered together. "Increase depth by zero point one every two seconds until we reach
3.0."
Abruptly, everything seemed to line up perfectly, to recycle the analogy used earlier. Well, when I say
perfectly, I mean better than it had before. I was still keenly aware I was sitting in a cockpit, not lumbering around
freely, but the difference was noticeable.
"Whoa. Did you see that?"
Andrews peered over Quinn's shoulder at the screen. "Hmm," she said. "Jill? Concentrate on walking,
please."
"Roger," I said, envisioning my left leg picking up and taking a step forward. I felt the duality of the sim
body answering my impulses and my own body still perched in the sim plug's control seat.
Right leg.. left leg.. I said to myself as I deliberately devoted my full attention to each footstep. After
about thirty seconds, I didn't even have to concentrate on it.
"Remarkable," Andrews exclaimed in a hushed tone.
"Want me to jog some?" I joked.
"Pilot, you'll be pleased to hear this.. your sync ratio has spiked today."
"Above 20, I hope!" I shot back excitedly.
Andrews put her hand over the mike just as Quinn was about to announce it. Despite the muffling, I
heard her say, "Don't give it to her yet. Let her wait to find out when she's done."
"Awww, Doctor Andrews.." I complained.
"You can know when you get out," she answered with a smile. "I don't want you to know what it is now
and be trying to best it or regain it if it drops."
"Okay," I said. "But that must mean it's good."
"It's your best yet," she nodded, again smiling. "For now, just follow Mr. Quinn's directions so we can
fine-tune the harmonics and complete the test."
"Yes, Dr. Andrews," I grinned. I didn't know if she did it on purpose or not, but telling me it was my best
score yet already let me know that it had to have breached 20 percent. A 'spike' surely had to be a significant
amount, and since I'd been in the mid-nineteens already, it wasn't hard to guess.
I noticed that while I was still walking just fine, or at least the sim body was, 'my' arms were perfectly still
and stiff - I'd forgotten to include them. As I brought them into my mental focus, my walking stride seemed to
smooth out a little more. If you ever want to explore just how much of the human body actually moves when
performing even the simplest tasks, try to map movements from your mind onto a giant robot - er, you know what
I mean. You'll notice things you'd never considered before.
Finally, after what seemed like endless tests that covered everything from simple motion and movement
to tactile response and perception, I was set free. Before I even hit the showers, I dashed into the control room.
"Okay, show me! Please?"
"Pilot!" Dr. Andrews barked, surprised to see me there, tracking goopy LCL footprints off the soles of my
plugsuit. She softened when she saw the eager look on my face (I presume), and stepped aside. "Show her, Mr.
Quinn."
I peered in towards the computer display as the tech pointed to a number, trying not to shrink back from
the odor of the LCL.
"T-twenty two point seven?" I asked, leaning closer. "Is that my sync ratio?"
"I told you it was comparatively high," Andrews smiled.
"It's great!" I cheered. "Thank you!"
"Don't thank us," she replied. "You're the one who did it. Whatever you did differently today, keep doing
it."
"I will! I promise," I grinned. I let a moment pass, and asked, "Am I done for the day?"
"Indeed," Dr. Andrews nodded. "You've earned some time to yourself, I think."
"Thank you!" I repeated. As I turned to go, I noticed the small pool of sticky fluid around me. "Oh! Um.."
Dr. Andrews waved a hand dismissively. "Try not to do it again. This time I'll let it slide. A cleaning 'bot
will deal with it."
"Thank you," I said. "Sorry for the mess!" I turned and hurried out towards the change room, eager to
start the rest of the day.
When I got 'home' - back to my room - I went straight to the phone and dialed the security center.
"This is Pilot Thomson," I said when the attendant picked up. "I'm looking to go into town for some
personal time. Do I need an escort or a car or something, or can I be trusted on my own?"
I rolled my eyes listening to the answer, reaching out with a foot to kick the sliding door of my closet
open. "Yes, I signed the papers. When I got here. I appreciate the secrecy of the Project, Sergeant."
I glanced out the window at the sizzling weather and back into the closet at the set of clothes that was
'next up' (as I usually just pulled on whatever was on the top of the pile, same as I had as Jack). "No, it's not that
I want to.. No, Sergeant.. I just don't see the need to tie up a car and agent when I don't even have a plan of
where I want to go. I just want to get away and unwind for a few hours."
The thigh-length skirt, if it had had eyes, would have stared right back at me.
"I don't know! Go wander around a mall, take in the sights, maybe hit a movie or two.. do you guys really
need to know every last detail?"
I shrugged and turned my full attention back to the phone. "Okay. So you're saying no, then. So have a
car ready for me, please, at building 5 in 10 minutes. Okay? Okay. Thanks!"
I slammed down the phone and shook my head. Going over to the closet, I pulled the skirt off its hanger
and held it in my hands.
"Why not," I said, tossing it on the bed. I opened the dresser drawers and pulled out a fresh shirt,
depositing it with the skirt, and headed into the bathroom to attend to my bladder.
While on the toilet, though, I had a horrible, gut-wrenching jolt of pain tear through my lower abdomen.
Already nearly doubled over as it was, I folded even more and let out a muted whimper, gritting my teeth. I'd felt
this way once before, and it didn't take long to realize what it was.
"Stupid.. sonofa.." I panted, clutching my shins with my hands and squeezing my chest to my thighs.
Well.. there goes wearing a skirt for the next week or so.
"Had to.. start the week with a Monday.." I griped.
You don't want to know how the rest of that week transpired. I'm sure you didn't even want to know the
part I described above. But if I have to put up with it now every month, so do my readers. Deal. If it makes you
feel any better to laugh at me, I did have to make a hurried trip to the store, boggling at the feminine products
aisle and its myriad of options. What the hell? C'mon! I just need the 'normal' stuff!
Anyway, my sim plug sessions continued, though they lasted longer and only occurred half as often every other day now instead of daily. I don't know if that was supposed to be a reward, or if it was planned, or
what, but I took advantage of it by digging into the study materials on the off days. I had cleaned out most of the
basic, pedestrian courses that I'd taken - the mathematics and so on - and I was diving headlong into the
languages and the other tricky stuff. Learning a new language was fun to me, for starters, and secondly, I had no
idea when (or if, I suppose) I'd be called upon to head to Japan and fight alongside the others. I had no inkling of
what the current state of affairs was; for all I knew, Asuka could already have been transferred, or perhaps Rei
hadn't even had her activation experiment mishap yet. Rationally, I had to presume that the fact I hadn't been
advised of any Angel attacks yet meant the latter case was more likely, but dealing with an agency like NERV,
with all sorts of double talk and secrecy, one could never be sure.
Speaking of other languages (as I was half a paragraph ago), I think I amused the good doctor one day
when I reconfigured the language/logic interface for French just before activating the sim plug. I was rusty, but
my memory and the practice from learning German was good enough to maintain a passable sync with the sim
body.
In late June, my ship finally came in. I was on my way for the usual sim plug test when Dr. Andrews
stepped out of the control room and blocked my path.
"Not that way. Not today," she said.
It's a good thing that the plugsuits fit tightly, or I might have involuntarily filled mine up at that moment.
"Say again?" I asked.
"Pilot Thomson," Andrews said, pointing me toward the Cage proper, "it's time."
Chapter Four: Introductions, Part 1
It looked familiar. It smelled familiar. It even felt familiar.
But the moment I felt the entry plug corkscrew its way into the Eva's spinal column, I knew my life was
changed forever.
Nervousness all but had a stranglehold on me at that moment. What if nerves was really what was Toji's
undoing? No. Ignore that. Toji doesn't have Eva 03 in this timeline. You do.
What if Bardiel is already possessing Sangouki?
Then it's been fun, and I guess I'll be meeting my maker again real soon.
"Cut out the what ifs and just do what you've always done," I muttered to myself within the LCL bath.
"Say again, Pilot?" Andrews asked over the comm link.
"Nothing, Doctor," I told her. "Just trying to quell my nerves. I'm ready."
"All right. This will be only an activation test, so we're not going to release any of the locking restraints.
Don't be alarmed when you feel like you're immobilized."
Tell San that, I silently shot back. After a second, as the crews continued their checklists, I realized, No.
That's your job. That's the entire reason you're here, Jill.
Vaguely aware of the startup procedures taking place before me, I shut my eyes and issued a thought. I
did the same as if I was thinking something to myself - I didn't know any other way how to do it. Um.. hello. I am
Jill.. I am here.
I felt a presence turn its attention towards me - the eeriest thing I have ever experienced before or since,
and that includes standing in ethereal space looking down at my dead body on the side of a rally stage. Rather
than words or sentences, I felt expressions, or sensations. What I first felt was confusion.
Don't be alarmed. Please. I'm here to be your partner. I'm a friend.
Confusion gave way to surprise, and I was peripherally aware that the Eva's batteries and external
power supplies were now connected and charged. They're not harming you.. they're helping us. You and me.
They want us to communicate.
No change in the feelings I was getting came, so I went on. It's my purpose to link with you and help you
function. I didn't mention Angels at that point, or what function we were intended to do. I want you to.. no.. I invite
you to open to me, as I am opening to you.
The surprise and confusion were mixed together at that point, as I heard the techs talking about absolute
borderline. A sensation of curiosity probed out towards me.
I sat and tried to let things happen as they would, and the curiosity was suddenly replaced with what I
can only describe as reluctant acceptance. In the background, I heard someone exclaim, low and slow, "Good
Lord.."
"What?" I asked, opening my eyes and speaking up, alertly. The speaker had been the tech manning the
main control station.
"It's all right," Dr. Andrews said. "How do you feel?"
I thought about that for a moment. "Odd," I confessed. "Stiff."
"Likely because the Eva is still locked down," she said. "That kind of 'stiff'?"
"Yeah, I guess," I agreed.
"Well, the activation test is complete. Eva 03 is now activated. Congratulations."
"Really??" I blurted out. "Great!"
"Well done," she nodded. "Do you want some time to get your bearings before we shut down?"
"Yes please," I nodded. "Though not much time. The locked-up sensations make me feel uneasy."
Dr. Andrews nodded and turned away, letting the techs monitor me and letting me think through my
experience.
Are.. are you still there? I asked, getting, after a pause, a sensation of attention in response.
Thank you, I thought into the void of my mind, smiling outwardly.
The only response I experienced was continued confusion, as it had been through the entire experiment.
It wasn't until I was in the shower that I realized I hadn't even thought about Bardiel or any other thing
that could go wrong, throughout the entire test. And it had been pulled off without a hitch.
My status as the Fourth Child was rock solid now. My foot wasn't just in the door; I'd kicked it down and
charged in, guns blazing.
To say that I was in an upbeat mood was a severe understatement. Humming tunelessly as I got
dressed, I was already looking forward to the next day, when (I hoped) I would get to do another activation
experiment. I wanted to sit out in the desert somewhere and do nothing but talk to my Eva. My Eva. Good God! I
enthused to myself.
As I exited the change room into the corridor, intending to treat myself to a celebratory lunch, I heard Dr.
Andrews speaking just down the hallway around the corner. I intended to tune her in briefly in case she was
speaking to me, then head off if she wasn't, but her topic of conversation caught my ear.
"Hello. Andrews here. Sorry to call you so early.. I thought you'd be interested to know that the Fourth
Child is now confirmed viable. Yes, the test just finished. Thirty point two. Yes, three zero. I know, we were all
amazed as well, especially considering it was Unit 03's first ever activation. No, doctor, I have no problem
keeping that from her, although she's always pestering me about her sync scores. I can handle that, though. All
right. I'm sorry to have woken you, doctor. Good luck with your own tests next week. You're welcome. Good
bye."
I hustled out of there before Andrews had the chance to come around the corner and spot me. It was
almost noon.. where would she have woken someone to discuss the test with, except in Japan, where it was
3am 'tomorrow'? And which doctors in Japan would understand all the Fourth Child terminology and even care? I
shuddered as everything pointed towards me having suddenly become the center of attention for Ritsuko Akagi,
if only for the few moments before her head hit the pillow again.
Never thought about that end of things, didja Jill? I chastised myself as I kept hurrying on my way.
Slowly I realized I was running and sneaking about for no good reason, at least, not to the folk I was sneaking
past, so I tried to resume a calmer walk and demeanor.
In hours, my mind, rationally or otherwise, decided, I'll be front page news on Gendo Ikari's morning
brief. All at once all the 'bad things' about Evangelion - the double-crossing, the spying, the politics, SEELE, and
so on, flooded my mind.
Too late to worry about that now, kid, I told myself. You wanted in on this mess.
Finally one of the last things Andrews had said on the phone caught up with my brain.
'Good luck with your own tests next week', she said, I realized.
Holy crap. Does that mean Rei's activation test with Zerogouki is next week?
I stopped and rested my head against the wall, sighing. If it was true, things were going to get very busy
very soon.
I just want to take a moment for a brief intermission of sorts here, a quick bashing down of the fourth
wall.
Some of you are probably wondering where the love interest is - the other pilot who steals away Jill's
heart and makes her so conflicted about her feelings and existence.
I told you already that I was the lone child at the base. (And if you thought I was going to get involved
with someone twice my age or more, you're a sick puppy. Even if my mind and soul are that of an adult, I'm still
living the life of a 14-year-old girl.)
Besides, this story isn't about that kind of thing, and it's not like the situation lent itself towards anything
like that anyway. I was working day in and day out on Eva related skills and practice, not to mention the
classroom studies. I was especially uptight about completing the latter because, as I mentioned, I had the
sinking feeling that the commencement of events, as I called them, was imminent, and weeks would go by like
hours from that point on - whether I stayed in Nevada or went elsewhere.
So hopefully that's out of the way now. Don't be expecting any more strangers or new elements to the
series to pop in. My focus was 100% on Eva and its associated tasks. Even if I'd had the inclination (which I
didn't), I had no time to pursue personal, recreational, or romantic interests.
I gave pause when I entered the plug the next day; the first time, I'd been too amped up to even notice
the inscription on the top of the control console.
EVANGELION
A.D. 2015
03
PRODUCTION TYPE
It reminded me of the name plaque on a ship's bridge. Running a gloved hand across it, I then sat down
and got started with my pre-start checklist.
"Will we be free to move about today?" I asked, once the LCL was in and charged.
"Afraid not," Andrews said, shaking her head in response. "Yesterday was indeed a success, but let's
get a few more successes under our belt before we take that kind of leap. Okay?"
"All right," I said, trying not to sound too dejected. Then, I figured, it was time to get down to what was
soon to be my favorite part. Um.. hello, it's me again. Jill.
I was elated when I felt a sense of recognition come immediately after the attentiveness this time. I could
sense the confusion still lingering in the background, though, and wasn't sure what to do with that yet.
Today is going to be much like yesterday, I think, I tried to explain. Are you all right with that?
There was no response. I paused to answer a question posed to me from the control center as they
continued the startup sequence, then turned my attention back to the Eva. I would be grateful if we could
connect again today.
Again, initially, there was nothing feeding back at me from the Eva. Ultimately, though, I felt myself being
given control, synchronizing, feeling similar sensations as I had with the sim body for weeks.
Thank you, I smiled. Please don't be alarmed by the restraints still being in place. Soon we'll be free to
roam and chase butterflies or 747s or whatever you wish.
My attempt at humor fell flat on its face. I suppose I should have expected that; it was almost ludicrous
for me to be making this kind of contact to begin with.
I sat there and let myself feel the Eva's limbs at rest, still encased in giant steel enclosures. In the back
of my mind, I had a strange feeling of disappointment.. or perhaps betrayal. No, that was too strong a word for it.
And disappointment didn't quite reach it either. It was almost a feeling of being hurt.. as in distrusted.
The rest of the week continued on in much the same way. Each day I hoped to be able to actually
control my Eva - as in, gross movement - for the first time, and each day it was put off until "later". Finally, it was
decided - the Tuesday next would be my day. I still wouldn't venture outside the Cage, but the ability to stand on
my own two feet (or San's own two feet, as the case may be) was something to look forward to.
Unfortunately, fate had different plans. When I was approaching the Cage corridor on Tuesday morning,
I was stopped by a pair of armed guards.
"Sorry, miss," one said. "No one passes."
"I'm the pilot," I protested. "This is where I go--"
"Not today, Pilot," he insisted, enforcing the barricade. "Dr. Sarrazin's orders."
"But I have an important test--"
Dr. Andrews heard my protest and stuck her head out the door of the lab/control center. "Jill!" she called
down the hallway. "I'm sorry, but today's test has been postponed. Something's come up. Don't worry, it's not
your problem, but we just need to do some checks and exams before we can let you perform the test. Take a
day off, all right?"
"Um.. okay, doctor," I said. "If you say so."
"Sorry," she said briefly, before disappearing into the room again. The two soldiers stepped closer
together, as if impeding my view of the empty hallway would prompt me to turn tail and flee.
I didn't run, but I did turn away and head back to my room. While I was changing to head out to town for
the day, I wondered what was going on, and then it hit me.
Zerogouki must have gone berserk last night, I said silently and wide-eyed to my reflection. And Akagi or
Ikari have communicated it to everyone all over the globe to have them stop production and testing, to avoid a
similar situation elsewhere.
And if that happened today, that means by the time night falls here, Sachiel will be in Tokyo-3.
Somehow I doubted I'd enjoy myself much in town.
Sitting in a McDonald's in a little town called Ely, I munched on a Quarter Pounder while I mulled over
the events so far and the ramifications thereof.
I don't know why I keep assuming I'm going to Japan, I told myself. I could just as easily be left here in
Nevada as a backup, and either blown up or worse.
I smiled as I changed subjects on myself. I bet once I actually get to test outdoors, I'll be a trivia item on
Coast to Coast AM.
Looking at the other people in the restaurant, I began to wonder about them. What are they like? Do any
of them work at NERV, or some other secret base nearby? How will they react to Instrumentality?
How will I react to Instrumentality?
That part kicked my brain out of gear for a second and I paused to collect myself, gathering up a few
french fries in the process. It's simply introspection into your life. And the blending of all minds and souls into
one, can't forget that. How will I present to the rest of the world if they look into my mind? Am I just Jill to them,
or are all my gory secrets and my past life open for discussion? I had to tell myself to be reasonable at that point.
There's no sense in worrying about that. Besides the fact that what's done is done and I can't change what I am,
who's to say that there aren't others like me who've been 'reincarnated' as well?
I blinked and jerked my head up as I realized someone was speaking to me. "Uh wha?" I blurted out.
"Sorry," a wandering staffer apologized. "Did you want a refill on that?"
"Oh.. um, no thanks," I said, smiling and lifting the paper cup, shaking it to prove it was still partly full.
The lady nodded and headed off, and I watched her go, my mind shifting gears yet again. She treated
you just like anyone else. Just as everyone else does. That must mean you're doing something right.
That was one way to make myself feel pretty good - to reaffirm that I was doing the right things to
function properly in my new life. Did I like how it was going - my life, I mean? In some ways, sure. As you all
know, I was excited to be part of the Eva program, and accomplishing things with my life. I'd not felt the same
pride and contentment since the first time I helped save someone from a car crash, or helped put out a house
fire. I was doing something that made a difference again.
Was I uptight about being Jill - being a girl, or being 14 again? Not really. Being 14 was no big deal.
Being a girl? Now that I'd been 'doing it' for a while, so to speak, I couldn't help but admit that it was a hell of an
experience. Maybe this is what the guy in the afterlife dream meant.
Or maybe everything in this world is completely screwed up, like it was in the TV show, I mused. Maybe
everything is totally out to lunch, and I just need to go with the flow, however it goes - even if it goes completely
sideways.
As my sipping turned to slurping, I realized my drink now really was empty.
My next scheduled training day was two days after the test which had been canceled, so I was in my
room studying on the off day.
"Watashi no namae Jill Thomson. Watashi Sangouki no dai 4 kodomo soshite soujuusha," I murmured at
the computer's prompting.
"Awanaikotae," the machine intoned in response, telling me I was wrong in my pronunciation or verbiage
or something.
"Aah, bite me."
"Awanaikotae."
The phone rang, and I gladly snatched up the receiver, pausing the lesson. "Moshi moshi, Thomson
residence."
"Oh, I gather you're practicing," Dr. Andrews said bemusedly.
"Good afternoon," I answered. "I'm in the process of confirming with the computer that it knows more
than I do."
"Would you like to take a break?"
"How so?" I asked.
"We need to get that next test out of the way - the one that was postponed yesterday. I'd like to do it
today."
"You bet!" I said enthusiastically, hopping out of my chair. "I'll be there in 10 minutes."
"Take your time," she laughed. "We'll be here."
I finished the conversation with her, closed the lesson on the computer screen, and dashed for the door,
barely remembering to grab my ID card on the way out. In seven minutes and fifty-four seconds, I was at the
Cage change rooms. Less than three minutes later, I was ready to board the entry plug.
I hadn't expected the dozens of technicians that were surrounding the Eva, in all sorts of roles and
capabilities; divers were in the coolant pool, rope-slung climbers on the primary and secondary restraints. There
were easily 80 or more men (and women) over and above the normal dozen or so in the command center, all
waiting specifically for me.
I couldn't help but give a polite little wave to no one in particular as I climbed into my office and settled
into the control seat.
After the LCL filled and I was switched over to fluidic breathing, I asked, "What happened yesterday?"
"Dr. Sarrazin would like to discuss that," Dr. Andrews said, while supervising the startup procedure, "in a
meeting after the test."
"Oh," I said, trying not to sound as if that made sense to me. Here it comes.
I diverted my attention to synchronizing with the Eva again. Once again, she recognized me, and gave in
somewhat reluctantly to my control. I thought I understood; if I'd had my spine removed, was encased in metal,
and had someone remote-controlling me, I'd probably be a little miffed too.
The whole procedure of controlling the Eva, and synchronizing with it, was still surreal beyond belief. It
was even so much different than syncing up with a sim body. Unlike the sim body, the Eva had a presence within
that actually reacted to my actions and inputs. As I said before, it was eerie and yet the biggest thrill I've ever
experienced, all rolled into one.
The restraints were gradually removed, piece by piece, until I/we were standing there in the drained
Cage, erect, without any support whatsoever. It was going to be like taking my first steps in a phone booth, but it
was about to happen nonetheless.
Here goes nothin', eh San? I thought. Let's go. The first couple attempts were sluggish, but I walked the
Eva in a tight little circle with eight footsteps, returning to the position I started from.
Way to go! Great, I beamed proudly for both of us, as similar words of encouragement erupted from the
control center. The next hour or so was filled with me learning how to walk (sort of - the sim body controls were
similar in that regard, and that was their purpose) and exploring the Eva's range of motion and capabilities.
I remembered to thank her as we were shutting down, re-Caged and once again flooding the
underground hangar with billions of liters of coolant.
After I purged myself of the LCL, Dr. Andrews said over the intercom, "After you have your shower and
change, please come to the conference room on level 4 straight away. All right?"
"Yes, doctor," I acknowledged.
"Well done today. Congratulations." The speaker shut down with an audible click.
I went to the showers and rinsed myself free of the stinky gooey mess. Dumping the plugsuit into the
ever-present cleaning/recycling receptacle, from which it would get plucked and cleaned/repaired/replaced and
re-sealed in another silly plastic baggie for the next day, I got into my 'street clothes' and made the quick trek
down to the 4th level conference room.
"Come in," came Dr. Sarrazin's voice after I knocked.
I bowed slightly upon entering, my Japanese language/custom lessons surfacing again. "Pilot Thomson
reporting, sir."
"Please sit," he said, gesturing to a seat at the head of the table, at the end opposite a large projection
screen. He, Dr. Andrews, and another lab employee I didn't recognize, were all on one side; three men in military
uniforms - including one from the UN, one from the US Navy, and one from the Joint Chiefs of Staff - sat across
from them. I was filling the last remaining spot, in the dead center.
Smoothing out the skirt I'd dared to wear (for the first time since that aborted attempt in early June), I
looked a little nervously at the gathered officialdom. Inside, I was pretty sure I knew what was going to transpire,
but the presence of such figures was enough to inspire a little trepidation in anyone.
"Pilot," Dr. Sarrazin said, "I understand you are, according to Dr. Andrews, fit for piloting as of this past
week. Congratulations."
"Thank you, doctors," I nodded, keeping my responses short and sweet.
"It appears that your time with us will be truncated somewhat by more pressing matters," he went on.
I blinked in surprise. Holy shit, I didn't say aloud. It really is going to happen!
"This video was taken yesterday at 5:56 PM Japan Standard Time." He clicked on the projector and, in
all its glory, Sachiel loomed across the screen, thundering past a UN surveillance plane. I've said it before, and
I'll say it again: the animators, while splendid in their own right, couldn't hold a candle to the real thing, in living
color.
"It was defeated," Dr. Sarrazin narrated, as select events from Sho and Shinji's fight played, "by
Evangelion Unit 01." I noticed they didn't show Sho getting a repeat energy-blast piledriver to the head, nor any
of the injuries sustained in close-up. "Piloted by Shinji Ikari, the Third Child."
I watched in silence, listening to them, still mesmerized by the sight, almost in awe of the beauty of the
scene. While it's true the Angels look like monsters in some respects, there was some sort of elegance to its
design; its shape, and its motions. I wondered how much of that I felt solely because I'd seen an Eva up close.
The Angel suddenly shifted and morphed, for lack of a better word, at speeds that even caught me off
guard, wrapping its body around the top of Shogouki in a globular mass. The explosion took out the camera that
had been tracking the scene, and while the video was stabilizing from the new feed, I realized you could hear a
pin drop in the room.
The last scene or three was surely for my benefit; they could have told me that Shinji won and, as far as
they were concerned, I would have believed them, especially considering Sho was beating the bloody Angel with
one of its own ribs at the time. But I knew why they'd shown me the Angel's self-destruction/suicide around Sho:
To demonstrate to me that the Evangelion could take a ridiculous amount of punishment and come out on top.
They wanted to illustrate what kind of mess I'd gotten myself into, yet at the same time, show me just how good
their 'creation' could protect me if I used it properly.
"That," Dr. Andrews said as the video ended, "was an Angel. It appeared in Tokyo-3, Hakone region,
yesterday afternoon. Multiple assaults by UN forces had no eff--"
"They had some effect," one of the soldiers on the other side of the table grumbled in protest.
Andrews began again after a pointed glare at the man. "They had little effect on the Angel. It put up a
defensive barrier we call an AT Field, which was all but impenetrable. Only Eva Unit 01, employing its own AT
Field, was able to counteract it."
"You have the ability to project such a field as well," Dr. Sarrazin said, looking straight at me. "Our tests
and practice have not progressed this far just yet, but we are confident you will be able to learn it even on your
own. Your sync ratio is improving every time you board the Eva. All you need to do is keep your wits about you,
and believe in yourself and your Eva. The rest will come naturally."
If I didn't already know what the truth was, I'd've thought his comments were excessively sappy and silly
and pointless.
"You're awfully quiet, Jill," Andrews observed.
"Oh," I blinked. "I'm, well, just trying to take it all in. I mean, I kind of figured something like this was
gonna happen, as in, there had to be a reason for all this. But this is kinda sudden."
"It is," she nodded. "But that's the nature of the job. If we weren't confident you were ready, though, we
wouldn't be having this discussion."
How can I be ready? I wondered with a frown. I've been here for just a couple months. Even doing this 6
and 7 days a week and living and breathing it every waking moment and most sleeping ones too, I can't possibly
be of the caliber as the other Children. I'm still learning the damn language, for Christ's sake.
"What is on your mind?" Sarrazin asked.
I looked up. "You're putting a lot of confidence in someone who's only been doing this for a few months."
"Dear child," he responded after a long moment, "in time, you will understand, perhaps; but there is a
reason we place you in such high regard. As Wendy said, if we were not convinced of your abilities, we would
not let you go to Germany."
I blinked, my mental train coming off the rails. "..Germany?"
"A case of efficiency," he said with one of those French smiles that almost seemed apologetic. Gesturing
to the military men, he said, "The fleet which will transport you there will be picking up Unit 02 and its pilot, and
transferring the lot to Japan later this summer."
"Oh," I said with a nod. Efficiency, my ass. We're almost on the west coast - it would be simple to just
steam right for Japan. What the hell is this about?
"Do you have any more questions?" Andrews asked.
I turned to her. "Nothing I don't think you'll answer with 'we think you're ready' or something similar," I
shrugged.
She smiled. "Well, we do," she nodded. "The opportunity is with us now to get you on your way, and
nothing will be served by delaying any further at this point. You'll have plenty of time to study on the way to
Germany. Promise me you will keep up with your education."
"Oh, yes, ma'am," I said emphatically, meaning every syllable of it. I intended to greet Asuka in her
native tongue.
"Good." She turned to Sarrazin, who cleared his throat and gestured again to the military men across the
table. "Pilot Thomson, this is General Roberts, chief of staff for the UN forces here in North America; Admiral
Pavelov, commander of the Fifth Atlantic Brigade Fleet; and Vice Admiral Burgess, of the US Joint Chiefs of
Staff."
"Hello," I said, nodding to the three. "A pleasure." They all nodded and/or grunted their own greetings in
response.
"General Roberts and Vice Admiral Burgess are here mainly to represent the interests of the North
American contingent," Sarrazin said. "Admiral Pavelov commands the fleet which will be accompanying you to
Germany."
"It'll be rather difficult to get the Eva from Nevada to an Eastern shipyard, won't it?" I couldn't help but
ask.
"We'll sail through Panama Strait," Pavelov said. "The loading will take place on the west coast."
I was about to comment on the fact I thought it was a canal, not a strait, when I reminded myself that the
coastlines were different now. For the port of departure, I had visions of Long Beach or San Fransisco; they were
at the bottom of the harbor now, replaced by new shorelines and waterfronts. "Right," I acknowledged with a
nod.
"You'll need to get packed tonight," Sarrazin said. "Someone will come for your things some time
tomorrow morning. The Eva will be transferred to an ABLE during the day, and you and it will be flown to the
fleet at dusk."
"ABLE?" I queried.
"Air Borne Lift Eva," Andrews contributed. "Essentially a very large aircraft that can carry the Evangelion
underslung."
"Oh," I said, blinking and nodding. I'd always wanted to see one of those in better detail than in the
series. "Will I be in the Eva, or..?"
"No," Sarrazin said. "There's no reason to subject you to such conditions for such a long time. Besides,
the Eva will be unpowered for its journey."
"Okay," I nodded.
"Technically, there will be a power connection slaved to one of the ships in the fleet, to its reactor,"
Pavelov supplied. "But we have no intention of authorizing its use."
We'll see, I didn't respond. Instead, again, I nodded affirmatively.
That night, my brain was totally scrambled. I don't mean that literally, I mean I couldn't think straight. I
packed up everything that wasn't bolted down or too big to carry, and laid out my NERV uniform on the
expectation that they'd expect me to fly the official colors, so to speak. Studying was pointless; I couldn't
concentrate or focus at all. I couldn't even go see the Eva and watch them begin preparations for moving - they
didn't want anyone, even the pilot - especially the pilot - to be in the way.
I lay on the bed in what was soon to cease being my room, watching TV, aimlessly flipping through
channels. Sometimes I'd catch a show I recognized, and hang onto it for a few moments, but my
scatterbrainedness caught up at that point and demanded I look for something else, so I flipped up or down the
dial again.
How can you say I'm ready? I wondered. Sure, I can sync up, and I can even control the gross arm and
leg movements. But there's the little matter of being able to do that under the stress of a battle. That, and being
able to understand and communicate with my colleagues would be nice. Two months of study did not make me
fluent in Japanese. I could manage a number of phrases and sentences; I'd put my Japanese on par with my
French from high school as it stood several years after I graduated. I could understand things, but sit me down
with a native speaker who would be chattering away much quicker and using localized slang and phraseology,
and I would be out of luck.
Like it or not, it's happening tomorrow, I reminded myself. You survived Nevada, Jill; now carry on with
the rest of it.
During the next day, I mainly hung out in my room and played on the Internet. At some point I got the
bright idea to head into town, to grab a few last-minute things I might want on the trip, namely a half-decent
digital camera, a good pair of sunglasses, and so on. By the time I got back, just after supper time, there was
furious activity around Building 49. I could see a mammoth winged craft on the tarmac beside it, and a large set
of doors being opened on the back side of the building itself. Undoubtedly, the Eva was going to be somehow
lifted out of the pit that was the Cage, and mounted beneath the plane.
Dr. Andrews and Dr. Sarrazin were waiting for me outside my room, which had been cleaned out. All that
was left, apparently, was the pilot, and any baggage she had, physical or otherwise.
"Ready?" Dr. Andrews asked with a smile.
"I guess so," I shrugged. "I still say this is awfully abrupt."
"Do not worry," Sarrazin said, leading us outside to the tarmac. "You will do fine."
"Thank you," I said, nodding. I offered my hand to them both in turn. "Thank you for all your work with
me. I'll put it to good use."
Sarrazin shook my hand; Andrews did too, then drew me into a hug. "Oh, your parents would be proud."
"You knew my parents?" I asked her, caught off guard by the friendly embrace.
She drew back and regarded me with mild surprise. Sarrazin said after a moment, "Clearly, she is still
having issues with that."
Andrews softened as I looked at her curiously. In my mind, I figured I'd made yet another gaffe, but the
way Sarrazin was talking and Andrews was acting, I feared there was more to it.
"Yes," Andrews nodded. "I guess you don't remember it, but your father worked with us here."
I blinked. "What??" I said.
"He was my predecessor," Sarrazin said, smiling at me. "It was to come home and fetch you and your
mother that he was doing when your accident happened."
My father.. Jill's father.. was director of North American operations for NERV? The thought stopped me
in my tracks.
"I'm sorry, Jillian," Andrews said. "I didn't realize you were having trouble."
Trouble remembering, she surely meant. Perhaps it was best if I played that card. "I.. it's okay," I said,
acting confused (and not having to feign it too much, either). "I don't remember much before the crash."
A jeep-like tug pulled up in front of the three of us. "Sir," said the driver. "We're ready."
"Proceed," he nodded, then looked to me and gestured to the tug. "Your chariot awaits, young lady."
I was still a little blindsided by the revelation about 'my' parents. "Um.. right! Right, thank you. For
everything."
"Goodbye, Pilot," Andrews supplied, "and do well."
I was still in my uniform and rubbing my bleary eyes when the sun came up. The ships were underway,
plodding their way southwards to the Panama region, where we would traverse to the Atlantic, and press
onwards, supposedly to Deutschland, where we would pick up the Second Child and her Eva.
I'd been able to get a semblance of a nap on the brief plane ride to the coast, but then had to be up to
supervise the transfer of Eva 03 over to the ship. Much as I recalled them doing with Asuka's Eva 02, Sangouki
was laid face down and covered with a series of tarps. It looked ridiculous; they weren't even of the same color
as the ship - anyone peeking down from a satellite or a spy plane would spot it in a second. It wasn't my place to
argue, however.
Anyway, it took most of the night to load the Eva onto the ship and secure it for travel; the rest of the
early morning darkness was taken up by getting out of port. So, as I said, I was on the bridge of the main ship,
trying to keep my eyes open while the fleet captain looked me over.
The man reminded me of my father - that is, Jack's father. He was in his late fifties, with a large brush
moustache, and close-cropped brown hair. I suspected he was of the same cloth as the man who commanded
the fleet Asuka was with (or the man I thought would be with her). He looked down at me, and said, "Do you hold
a rank?"
"No, sir," I replied.
"And don't forget that!" he thundered, all but talking over me. "You're not part of this military, and I don't
consider your pet robot to be anything more than a toy."
"Yes, sir," I said, holding back the rolling of eyes - at least keeping it to myself.
"Having said that, I am finding I'm under orders to provide you with any accommodations you require.
This includes a berth of your own, time in the shower and mess, and, grudgingly, free roam of the boat. This
does not include secure spaces other than to your own little plaything. Understood?"
"Clearly, sir," I nodded.
"I also want to make it clear I will not tolerate any powering-up of that oversized action figure. Any
combat that has to be undertaken while underway, will be handled by fine, competent Navy forces."
"Of course, sir."
"I hope you brought along everything a.. person like yourself will need." He almost sneered down at me.
"There aren't any drugstores for a long stretch now."
I tried not to smirk. "I packed my toothbrush and everything, sir. I'm ready for the long haul."
He snorted derisively and looked away, out to the sea. "Whatever did I do to deserve this ridiculous
task.."
"I'm sure it was conduct above and beyond, sir," I couldn't help but quip.
He snapped his glare back to me and held his tongue for a moment, then bit out: "Just because you're to
be treated like a VIP doesn't mean you have the freedom to be smart-mouthed, with me or anyone else. Is that
clear?"
"Yes, sir. My apologies," I said in the same even tone as I had the rest of my words.
"Should the general quarters alarm sound at any time, your place is in your berth. Nowhere else. I
suggest you familiarize yourself with its location."
"Thank you, sir. Should I consider myself dismissed?"
"Get out of here," he grumbled, waving a hand.
I turned and left the bridge. As I stepped over the hatch rim, I muttered, "Asshole."
Chapter Five: Introductions, Part 2
There's not much I can say about the majority of the trip. It was long and boring, for the most part. I
found lots of things to take pictures of, and had an impressive collection of photos on my computer's hard disk
after a few weeks - both scenery and static displays from onboard the ships as well.
A lot of the crew were friendly and accommodating, though I don't know how much of that was because
that was their nature, or that I was a 14 year old girl in an environment that was still, even in this new world, well
over 90% male. I hate to say that I had to deflect a number of, shall we say, inappropriate advances. Still, as I
said, most of the crews welcomed me and showed me around, let me sit in the fighter jets, etc.
My Eva got visited more than once. I sat there watching it, as it sat completely idle and immobile, of
course. Once or twice I murmured some words towards it, though I stopped abruptly when I realized someone
might stop in and see me talking to what they thought was a giant mecha.
I spent a lot of time studying, too, day and night, throughout the weeks-long journey. I only worked on my
German enough to be able to use it to impress Asuka; if I played my cards right, she would teach me a lot more
after we met. I focused on my Japanese and the one or two subjects I hadn't already aced while in Nevada.
One of the highlights was a general quarters alarm in the middle of the afternoon one day on the midcentral Atlantic. A cat officer I'd befriended stopped by on his way to the deck and suggested I join him.
"I'm supposed to stay here during GQ," I told him. "But thanks anyway."
"Ah, don't sweat it, c'mon with me. I promise everything'll be okay."
I mulled it over: If the LSO was willing to go up against the captain for the sake of me tagging along,
whatever was happening was probably worth it. I shrugged and followed him.
Up on the deck, instead of going to general quarters, men were assembling on the deck in ranks. I
followed the landing signal officer to his station, with everyone facing to portside. "See there?" he pointed.
I followed his gesture to see a number of ships passing our ranks going the opposite direction. Their
crews were also assembling on deck.
"Who is it?" I asked, and was given a set of binoculars in response - large, high-power ones the LSO
normally used to watch planes coming in. Directing them towards the ships coming past, I found the flag of
China flying, and a number of people looking back in a similar fashion.
"Can I wave?" I asked.
"If you think they can see you," the LSO said with a smirk. So I thrust my pint-sized arm to the sky and
wagged it back and forth with all my might. On the deck of the Chinese carrier, their equivalent of the LSO
watched, pointed, and then waved back.
"Cool," I enthused, handing the binoculars back. "That was great!" Then, finally, logic hit me. "But where
are they going?"
"Area exchange," the LSO explained. "Flexible deployment, of sorts. Because we're steaming all the way
across the globe, they're moving west to cover our normal area of concern."
"Chinese naval forces covering American waters?" I said in disbelief.
"It's a new world, since the meteorite impact," the LSO said proudly. "It's a great time to be alive."
That's what I was thinking one day a week or three later, when I was standing up on a railing overlooking
the deck and the sea off to starboard. I could almost see the curvature of the Earth, and it was a profound sight
to behold. There wasn't a stitch of land to be seen, which is why I was surprised by what happened next.
"You must be the Fourth," a voice called out behind and below me. I whipped around and looked down
on a flame-red-haired girl in a green dress and vest.
I blinked and started hopping down, from place to place, dismounting the superstructure I was on. Of
course, my intended Germanic greetings were forgotten in the heat of the moment. "Hello!" I told the girl. "Yes, I
am. I'm Jill Thomson."
"Asuka," she said, hands on hips as she watched me descend. "Asuka Langley Sohryu." As I reached
the ground, she regarded my previous perch, and my clothes (well-worn pair of jeans and a T-shirt), and
commented, "Bit of a tomboy, are we?"
"What?" I asked. "No.." Well, probably yes, but it's irrelevant. "..I just get bored of pacing around. I
wanted to get a photo from a different vantage point." I waved my camera as if to explain. "Sorry, I was looking
forward to greeting you. I didn't realize we were close to Germany already."
"We're not," she said with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. "We're currently rounding the Ivory Coast. It's
much more efficient than expecting you to come all the way north just for both of us to make the same trip in
reverse."
"I figured that," I smiled back. "I just couldn't get anyone else to agree with me."
"Don't mind the military fools," she said dismissively. "They're know-it-alls who're more interested in their own
presence than anything else."
"I got that too," I said with a smile. "By the way, your English is impeccable."
"Well, of course!" she scoffed. "I have already graduated college, you know."
"Congratulations," I said with genuine warmth. "What I meant to say was, I had intended to greet you in
German. I have been studying."
"Oh! What a kind gesture," she said with a curiously saccharine tone. "It's a shame you didn't get the
chance."
"Ich könnte beginnen weider," I offered with an apologetic shrug. I could start over..
"Aah!" she said happily. "Asuka Langley Sohryu, das Zweite Kind." The Second Child.
"Jillian Thomson," I reiterated, holding out my right hand. "Das Viertes Kind. Ich hoffe daß wir freunde
sein können." The Fourth Child. I hope we can be friends.
Asuka hmm'ed and pondered for a moment, then took my hand and shook it once briskly. "We'll see,
Fourth. We'll see."
Several days later, Asuka again came up on me unannounced.
"Oh, Fourth," she said sadly. "Is that all you wear?"
I yelped in surprise and jumped; turning around, there she was, standing there in the famous yellow
sundress and red shoes.
I looked down at my jeans, blue and white cross-trainers, white T-shirt, and baseball jersey (Blue Jays,
of course) over top of it, unbuttoned. "Uh.. whassamatter?" I asked.
Asuka sighed and folded her arms before her. "Don't you have any skirts or dresses?"
"Not for wearing on a ship at sea with all the wind and the breeziness," I countered.
"Suit yourself, if you don't think you can show off your legs."
"It's not the legs I'm worried about showing off, Asuka," I shot back. "It's showing off everything else
that's the concern."
Asuka tch'ed and shook her head. "You need to learn how to tease."
Tease? I said to myself. Jesus Christ, Asuka, we're 14! "Um.. whatever."
"Anyway, come with me."
"What?" I asked. "Where?"
"To see my Eva 02, of course," Asuka grinned.
It was as I expected: On another ship in the fleet (reached by means of a helicopter that was available
for our specific use, in case you're wondering), under the same kind of tarpaulins and cover as my own Eva,
Nigouki lay face-down and dormant.
"Isn't it magnificent?" Asuka asked proudly, standing beside me regarding it.
"Indeed," I responded. "She certainly is. You can see the uniqueness of the design.." I trailed off as
Asuka was staring at me. "What?" I asked.
"Are you one of those type who has to personify everything?" she asked. "You called it a 'she'."
I flinched. "Sorry," I said with an apologetic shrug. "Force of habit. I guess maybe I am."
"This is no fluffy teddy bear," she smirked. "It's a powerful tool with which I'm going to defeat all the
Angels."
I tried not to think of how her declaration was drawing parallels to events I recalled from later episodes.
"So you heard about them too, huh?" I said, trying to change the subject a little, cautioning myself to take care
with my comments. "Last thing I heard, one Angel had shown up, and the pilot of Eva 01 took care of it."
"There's been another since," Asuka confirmed. "Again, 01 did the job. Supposedly the Third Child is
some kind of natural."
She didn't say it with the sarcasm or venom I'd expected. "You think so, huh?" I asked innocently.
"Well, his sync ratio was supposedly over 45 percent on his very first try," Asuka said, while busying
herself inspecting her Eva, as if she might find evidence someone had been there, getting their greasy
fingerprints on Nigouki.
"Ohh," I said. "That's pretty high." I remembered it as 40.3 myself, if I recalled the episode correctly - but
not having seen the series for months, and living it for real, my memory of how the anime transpired was failing
somewhat.
"High??" Asuka blinked in disbelief. "What's your ratio?"
"Uh.." I blushed, realizing that description might have been a mistake. "Thirty-two eight," I admitted.
Asuka scoffed. "Pfft! Get back to me when you at least double that. Then we'll be in the same class."
"You're in the 60s??" I said, with some genuine surprise.
"63.9," Asuka beamed. "I'm certain to break 65 percent on my next activation."
"Good for you," I said, with a barely-forced smile.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"What do you mean?" I asked, genuinely innocently.
Asuka had her hands on her hips, glaring down at me from atop the right shoulder pylon. "'Good for
you'," she mocked me. "Are you jealous?"
Aha, now there's the Asuka I was expecting. "What? No! I mean, good for you! As in, when you break
65, I will be there to applaud."
She stared down at me for the longest time. "You mean that?" she finally asked.
"Yeah, Asuka," I nodded, staring right back. "I do."
She shook her head and smiled faintly. "You're a weird one, Fourth."
That evening, we ate together in my berth - at my request, kind of a late welcoming for the Second.
"Didn't bring much with you," Asuka observed, looking around the sparsely-filled room.
"Don't have much," I shrugged. I waded waist-deep into Jill's background. "I just lost my parents just
before I was selected. So I was kind of plucked out of thin air into the Eva program." Hey, a little mangled truth is
kind of amusing to slip in there sometimes.
"Scheiße," Asuka whispered. "I'm sorry to hear it, Jillian."
"It's all right," I shrugged, trying to look somewhat morose. "I'm mostly dealing. It'll take time, I think."
"Yes," Asuka nodded distantly. "It will."
I looked at her, unsure of how to breach the subject. Theoretically, I shouldn't know about Kyoko. I didn't
know if I could legitimately pass it off as having read Asuka's file before leaving Nevada.
Finally, she made the decision for me, noticing my long stare. "What?" she asked.
"O-oh," I stammered. "It's just that you seemed like you know where I'm coming from."
She clammed up and looked away. "Yeah," she said softly. "I do."
That was the end of that; nothing more was said. I figured it was best to leave things be for the time
being. "Sorry," I murmured.
"It's okay," she said, trying hard to pick up her spirits again. "Like you said, it takes time to deal."
I nodded and smiled. "Hey. Can I take a picture after supper? Would you mind?"
"A picture?"
"The two of us," I said. "My first colleague, fellow pilot.." I took a logical leap in saying the next bit. "And
friend."
She smiled after a moment. "Ja, I guess," she nodded. "You're some kind of photo otaku, aren't you?"
"I like photography," I admitted with a shrug. "Especially now in the age of digital cameras. You can snap
a hundred photos and keep only four if you want, and there's no wasted film."
"Right," she nodded in agreement. "Efficiency at its peak."
"I guess so," I smiled. My mind wandered for a moment, and got on a different set of tracks. "Speaking of
efficiency, why do you suppose they put us together on two fleets the way they did? It would've been so much
easier for me to go straight from California to Japan, and not come all the way around the Americas to hook up
with you. No offense."
"None taken," she smirked. "I don't know, but I know somebody who might be able to answer that."
"Oh?" I asked. "Who's that?"
"His name is Kaji. He's along for the ride with me. I'll try to introduce you tomorrow."
Damn, I almost forgot he was here. Idiot, of course he is - that's what Gaghiel is coming after - not Eva
02. "Is he a pilot too?" I asked, playing dumb.
"Oh, Gott, no!" she laughed. "He's an older man. A man of mystery and drama! He comes and goes as
he pleases, but he's so handsome and casual and everything!" She looked up and jabbed her fork towards me
jokingly, with a grin on her face. "And mine!"
"You've got nothing to worry about," I reassured her. Good Lord, am I going to get that way about
somebody eventually? I wondered, before I realized how ridiculous that question was.
"Oh? Are you.. taken? Reserved?" she asked, fishing for the right word, a sly smile on her face.
"Not really looking," I shrugged, telling the truth. Even if some time in the next year I found time to be
interested in anyone, I still had to determine who that 'anyone' would be before I went down that particular road.
"Ohhh," Asuka said, with a tone as if she knew what I was on about. Likely she thought I was still too
worked up over my parents to be dealing with any romantic interests. "I getcha now, Fourth."
"Thanks," I said, content to let it lay as it had fallen. I scooped up the last of the food on the sectioned
plate/tray, and after taking it in, said, "Thanks for coming over, by the way."
"No problem," she said, finishing off her own meal. "It's good for us to stick together. Besides, it's not like
there was anything else to do."
It was my turn to laugh a little. "At least I didn't bore you, I guess," I said sarcastically.
"What? No! I didn't mean it like that," she shot back.
"I know," I smirked. "But you have to admit, you walked into it."
"I admit nothing!" she snapped, still playing along. We both dissolved into fits of laughter for a few
moments, and in the back of my mind, I felt a little uneasy, like the feeling you get when you know something
isn't right. This didn't fit how I thought Asuka was going to be.
"C'mere, Fourth," Asuka said, standing up and gesturing to me. "Let's get this photo out of the way
before we forget."
I brought myself back to reality and fetched my camera. "Say, what'll it take to get you to call me by my
given name?" I asked.
Asuka busied herself moving two of the chairs side-by-side on one end of the table. "You'll learn quickly
with me that I use nicknames a lot," she explained. "I know you're Jillian. If I was introducing you to someone,
that's what I'd call you. But in my head, you're the Fourth. Take it as it's meant, as a term of endearment."
"I gather that's your final answer?" I hazarded, smiling slightly. At least I was worthy of her friendship, I
figured.
"Just be happy I don't call you Yankee," she quipped.
I fashioned a poor man's tripod out of some books and boxes piled on the table, setting the camera on it.
"Wouldn't fit, anyway. I'm Canadian."
"Whatever!" she sighed in mock exasperation. "Do you want me on the right or left?"
"It doesn't matter," I said. "I had you on the left in my mind's eye, but I don't care one way or the other."
Asuka took the chair on the left and sat down, fidgeting about and settling into position. "Is that in
frame?"
"Good enough," I said. "Let me set the timer, and.." I tapped the button on the camera, then hurried to
the other chair, sitting down and putting on a bright smile.
The girl beside me did the same, and said, "Käse!"
CLICK!
"So, let me see it!" Asuka said as I picked up the camera, looking at the preview on the LCD.
"Hang on," I protested, pulling the camera out of her reach. "I'll put it on the computer so you can see it
properly."
I sat down at the notebook computer and fished out the USB cable. While I was waiting for the camera to
connect, Asuka stared at my desktop's wallpaper. "Is that 03?"
"Yup," I said proudly. I'd taken it with a disposable at the Nevada base - actually, Mr. Quinn had
consented to helping me do the possibly illegal act of using flash photography inside the Cage, snapping my
picture while I, in plugsuit, stood beside the head of Sangouki, immersed to her neck in the cooling solution. The
picture had turned out better than I thought, the design of the Evangelion coming out in nice focus, despite my
being in front and slightly off to the side, smiling and flashing a V-symbol to the camera.
"I didn't know it was black," Asuka said.
"It's not; it's very dark blue," I replied. "The cheap camera I was using doesn't do it justice. Maybe we'll
go and check it out tomorrow or sometime."
"Sure," Asuka said, examining the photo quietly some more.
I transferred the picture off the digital camera, and brought it up for her to see. "How's that?"
"I guess it'll do," she said critically after a long moment. "Neither of us are made up, though, and your
shirt is wrinkled."
I tch'ed. It was the same as whenever I tried to take photos of my female friends back in Jack's life. "It's
a picture," I argued. "It's meant to capture the moment, warts and all."
"I know," Asuka smiled. "I'm just giving you a hard time."
I smiled back to her, though I got the feeling she was at least a little serious about the whole thing. As I
said, my past experiences in the same type of situation made me think I was right.
"I should get back to the Over the Rainbow," Asuka sighed. "The captain there has a bird if I'm using up
his precious helicopter's fuel after dark."
"It's okay," I said. "We had a pretty productive day. I'm glad we got together."
"It's all good," Asuka nodded. "Send me a copy of that photo, okay?"
"I'll email it before I go to bed," I promised.
Asuka went to the door and rested her hand on the latch, before turning and saying to me, "See you
around.. Jill."
I blinked.
"That's your one freebie, Fourth!" she laughed, pulling the handle and stepping out.
The next day, as discussed, Asuka came to view Sangouki. Of course, she compared 03 to her own
Production Type, not being one to back down or admit anything was better than her or her equipment.
"I'm still pretty new to the whole thing," I admitted. "I'm sure you've had much more practice than I; I
barely got a chance to do activation tests and walk around some before they shipped me off."
"Oh? You're right, then," Asuka said, studying the lines of San's helmet, running her hand over the
ridges. "I was beyond that stage a long time ago."
"I'll try not to hold you back," I quipped. A thought entered my head, and I seized it while it was fresh and
acted upon it. "Say.. if by some random stroke of luck, we happen to encounter an Angel out here on the sea..
you'll have my back.. right?"
She looked like she was going to retort with something, but grew just as serious as I and nodded. "Don't
sweat it, Jill. First of all, you need to have more confidence in your abilities. Second, not to brag or anything, but
if you're in the thirties, the odds are I'll have the Angel sliced and diced by the time you get your Eva stood up
and pointed in the right direction."
"Hey," I protested with a frown.
"C'mon," she said. "You know I'm teasing." She looked over at me and smiled.
I smiled feebly, not sure if that was the truth or not. I couldn't let the issue drop, though. "In any case, if it
comes to it, we're both looking out for the other, right?"
"Right," she nodded. "Trust me, though. One Eva is virtually unbeatable on its own. Two is going to be
guaranteed overkill."
"It's good that you have such a positive attitude," I commented.
"It shines in rare moments," a male voice said from the 'tent flap' we'd made in the tarpaulin. I turned to
see a tall Japanese man in a blue shirt and red tie saunter in, hands in his pockets.
"Kaji!" Asuka gushed, hopping down from San's head to the platform, then hurrying around to the other
side. "What are you doing here?"
"I don't mean to make you jealous, little lady," Kaji said to Asuka, nodding towards me. "But I'm actually
here to introduce myself to your friend."
"Oh? Oh!" Asuka said, coming back over to grab my hand and drag me towards Kaji. "Ryoji Kaji, this is
the Fourth Child, Jillian Thomson. She's Canadian."
"I.. er.. ohayo.. gozaimasu?" I said with a nervous smile and a little bow. Hello there.
Kaji smiled and dipped his head. "Ohayo," he replied, "Nihongo jozu desu ne." You speak Japanese
well.
Asuka laughed. I blushed and said, "I don't feel that way."
"I am sure you will feel more comfortable with practice, Miss Thomson," he said in English. He glanced
towards the Evangelion. "So, this is Unit 03, hmm?"
"Yes," I answered, trying not to come up with some super-spy reason for him to want to talk to me.
Maybe he was just saying hi.
"They're magnificent, aren't they?" he asked. "The two of you should be very proud to be allowed the
opportunity to do this."
"We are!" Asuka said enthusiastically. "I don't know about the Fourth, but I know I'm fulfilling my destiny."
I coughed a little, feeling slightly put on the spot. "I.. feel very honored to be trusted with such a serious
responsibility."
"Good answer," Kaji smiled.
"What are you doing for lunch, Kaji?" Asuka said, all but fawning over the man. "We're going to the mess
in--"
"Sorry, Asuka," Kaji told her, while shaking my hand. "I have a little side-trip to take today. Some of us
have to work every now and then. I will take a rain check, though!"
"All right," she said dejectedly.
"Thank you for stopping by, sir," I said.
"Not a problem, Pilot," he said with a smile. "Ganbatte, Jillian!"
Asuka virtually swooned as he left the Eva-tent. "He's something!" she said.
"If you say so," I commented dryly. Luckily, Asuka didn't give me a hard time about that.
A week or so passed, and as with the start of the trip, not much transpired. I did my studies, Asuka hung
out with me a bunch, and we saw a lot of sea and the occasional island or distant shoreline. There's not much
more I can say.
That was until the speaker in the overhead crackled to life one morning. "Pilot Thomson to the flight
deck. Pilot Thomson, report to the flight deck."
I headed out and up the ladder to the carrier deck, where I saw a helicopter with the blades turning. The
ship's captain was standing by the ladder, facing the bird; my presence was pointed out to him, at which point he
turned to face me.
Looking me (and my T-shirt, shorts, and cross-trainers) over, he frowned. "You're not in uniform," he
observed.
"I'm not in the practice of lounging around in it all day every day," I shot back.
"Too late now," he grumbled. "Get on the helo. You're going over to the Over The Rainbow."
"What for?" I asked.
"To meet your new boss," he grinned, apparently savoring the moment, thinking I'd be uneasy or
nervous or something.
"Oh? Cool!" I said energetically. Truth be told, I indeed was nervous - a little - but I wasn't going to give
this man the benefit of seeing me squirm. "Let's go! I'm ready."
The helicopter went over to the Over The Rainbow at a swift clip. I watched the fleet flash beneath us,
intrigued as always by the myriad of ships' designs and technology therein. Once the OTR came into view, I
looked about, but couldn't see the green UN cargo helicopter I remembered from the TV series. I clicked the
mike button on the headset intercom. "Has the NERV helo come in yet?" I asked.
"No, ma'am," came the co-pilot's answer. "That's why we're making double-time. We need to get in and
out of there before they're ready to land. Sorry, but it's going to be a quick drop-off."
"That's fine," I replied. "In case I forgot to say it before, thanks for being my taxi all the time."
All three crewmembers chuckled over the 'com. "You've said that," the co-pilot told me. "But you're
welcome, just the same."
It didn't take much time to get to the OTR's deck after that. I have to admit, I felt relief that I would at
least have a few minutes to psyche myself up to meet Misato and the others. My initial intent was to go seek out
Asuka, so that we'd at least all meet in one spot at the same time. While I hurried across the deck looking for
her, my mind went back to how that meeting was probably going to go. Hopefully Asuka had been swayed by my
choice of attire throughout the few weeks we'd been together. Maybe I wanted her to not be embarrassed.. then
again, as I envisioned the whole thing taking place in my mind's eye, maybe I was looking forward to what I
originally thought was a hilarious event.
By the time I found Asuka, the UN helicopter was on final for the carrier. She was on a platform near the
bridge, standing at the rail, watching the machine make its way in for a landing. As I had expected, yet hoped
against, Asuka was in her trademark yellow dress, which was flapping in the wind like the flags on the ship's
mast.
"Wind kinda picked up closer to shore, huh?" I asked as I approached her.
"You only get a first chance to make a good impression, Fourth," Asuka told me. "I don't want them to
think I'm a tomboy or something."
"Yeah. That's my job, right?" I deadpanned.
Asuka just laughed and turned away from the rail. "You're okay, Fourth. I'm just messin' with you."
"You gonna do the same to the Third?" I called after her departing form.
Again, the Second Child gave a cackle as she departed down the ladder.
I lagged behind Asuka a minute or two; I was getting more and more butterflies in my stomach the closer
the meeting with the Captain got. I didn't know why - it was no different than anyone else I'd met, and already I'd
been proven wrong once with my preconceived notions of how Asuka was going to be.
As I started down the ladder, I heard a shriek and a slap. That'd be Toji getting his just desserts, I
surmised. At that point, I wasn't sure what to do. I think, looking back on it now, my mind was torn between the
reality I'd been living and the story that "had taken place" (as I recalled it). I was afraid of disrupting the timeline
as I knew it to have transpired.
You've already done so, kiddo, I tried to reason with myself. Don't forget that Eva 03 isn't supposed to
have ever activated properly. Nor was it supposed to come to Japan at the same time as Asuka. Go on, get
some backbone and go down there and introduce yourself!
"Ah! There she is," came a voice, and I realized my decision had been made for me. Asuka waved
frantically at me. "Fourth! Come down here and meet everyone!"
I smiled nervously and descended the rest of the ladder. "Uhm.. hello," I said. Three Japanese boys and
an adult Japanese woman were standing there, exactly as I expected them to appear, other than the difference
between animation and real life.
"I thought you'd been practicing," Asuka hissed at me as the other foursome turned to face me.
"Oh," I said, blushing, and switched to Japanese. I stammered out a polite hello, then bowed.
"Good day," Captain Misato Katsuragi responded in her native tongue, introducing herself and the others
in turn.
"Hello," I reiterated, greeting each of them as they were identified. When she got to Shinji, I stuck out my
hand and said (or at least did my best to), "It's a pleasure to meet another fellow pilot. I've heard many good
things about you."
"Y-you have?" he stuttered in reply.
"Yes," I nodded, gesturing towards Asuka. "From our colleague."
"Sssh!" she urged me with a withering look.
Shinji turned to face her, a confused expression on his face. She looked upset, and I feared I'd crossed a
line somehow. I don't get it, I said to myself. I thought she wasn't so uptight about him.
Misato declared we were all going to the bridge to meet with the captain, and I waited for Asuka to come
past me before I joined the group. "Asuka," I said quietly. "Did I say something wrong?"
"Don't worry about it, Fourth," she said in a short, clipped tone.
"I'm sorry--"
"Jill. Drop it."
I would quickly learn that Asuka was much like me in some regards. She was all fun and games when it
was called for, but when things got serious, she'd let you know. And calling me by my real, given name was her
way of telling me that this was one of those times.
It was only after I fell into step behind her that I noticed her glaring look was directed not at Shinji's back,
but Misato's.
The scene on the bridge played out about as well as I expected it to. Shinji and Toji hovered by Misato's
side while she, if you will excuse the vulgar analogy, compared 'attachments' with the fleet captain, in other
words, testing how far each could push the other. Asuka stood there with hands clasped behind her back, trying
to look cute and presentable, and I just stood by her, trying to be as invisible as possible.
You may notice I omitted one participant. Kensuke Aida was just as much of an otaku as the anime's
storyline implied. He was racing around, bouncing off the walls as if he had a hopeless case of ADHD; filming
everything and everyone in sight, and generally ignoring the rest of the goings-on. I sort of envied him at that
moment; rather than stand there and be all but insulted by the fleet captain, I'd've loved to have been given
virtual free rein of the bridge, snapping off photos left and right.
That thought led my brain to another idea: I should show Aida all the pictures I'd taken over the past few
weeks. He'd probably wet himself at the sight of the Chinese carrier passing by so closely. Just as I was thinking
this, I heard a voice from behind and to my left. I won't try to mimic the way it sounded, but it was a native
Japanese speaker trying to whisper "Hey! Fourth Child!" hoarsely.
I looked over my shoulder to see the boy of my current line of thinking holding up his video camera at
me, the lenses whirring and turning as if he was zooming in. Just for the hell of it, I gave a slight smile and wave,
or at least tried to, before I got an elbow in the right side of my rib cage.
"Gurk," I managed to keep under my breath as Asuka lowered her arm, casting a sidelong glance at me.
The captain was, at that point, trying to flex his muscle by telling Misato that, NERV's authority
notwithstanding, he had no intentions of activating Nigouki while at sea. I was torn; what I knew was that
Gaghiel would be attacking shortly - possibly within the hour. But did I really know that? Could I count on my
'memories' to prove true? And more importantly, would Asuka and/or Shinji be able to launch, or would I have to
get involved too? Or both?
I smiled brightly at the captain and his second in command, which was apparently why Asuka had
elbowed me; the second had been glaring over at me with disapproval as I'd mugged for Kensuke's camera.
Misato did something particularly brave that caused Toji to fawn over her, and I was in the process of leaning
towards Asuka to whisper a comment on the bruise that was developing under my ribcage, when a familiar voice
called out from the aft hatchway to our left.
"Kaji!" Asuka gushed, turning and all but bowling me over as she greeted 'her man' enthusiastically. As I
stumbled backwards, I felt someone catch me, and turned to find Kensuke there. Smiling nervously, I thanked
him and stood up, dusting myself off.
Misato clearly didn't appreciate Kaji's presence, and herded us all hastily off the bridge. I followed the
boys down the ladder, while Misato dropped off a few parting words at the hatchway.
So far, everything is going according to what I recall, I thought to myself. That means we're likely
heading for the mess, where Kaji will ambush us again, Asuka will get pissed about Kaji's glowing words of
praise for Shinji, and she'll take him away to see Nigouki.. and then the fun begins.
I was aware of a presence beside me, and discovered Misato had fallen into step with me. For some
reason, I felt compelled to say something - anything - to her. I stumbled through the Japanese for, "Um.. Captain
Katsuragi.. I.. ask you.. question?"
She smiled and looked over to me, and said quite plainly, though accented, "I do speak English, you
know."
I would have face-faulted if this had been an anime. "Ggkk.. well, that makes things easier I guess, until
my skills improve.."
"You do fine for someone who's been learning the language for so short a time, Jillian," she smiled.
"What's your question?"
"Umm. Right." I figured the best thing to ask is what was on my mind at the time. "If something happens
out here, am I going to be expected to get involved? I notice you only mentioned one power socket to the
captain."
"It's true we only brought the one connector," she nodded. "But whichever one of you were to get to the
umbilical first, the other would still have five minutes of reserve left, right?"
"True," I admitted. "Still.. five minutes seems awfully short for someone as unskilled as me. Plus, doing
battle on the high seas? I assume it's pretty deep here. It'd be like fighting on rocks in a stream, but the fall would
be a real bitch."
She laughed a little and patted my shoulder. "Don't find so many things to worry about," she said. "Think
reactively, not proactively. Deal with things as they happen."
"Burn that bridge as I get to it?" I half-quipped.
She smirked and nodded. "Something like that." She looked at me for a moment, and then said, "You
seem nervous. Is it because of our meeting?"
She'd gestured to herself and the boys at that point, and I seized the opportunity, feigning a shrug and a
nod. "I guess," I lied. "I didn't know what to expect, or if I'd measure up."
Misato smiled once again and squeezed my shoulder. "You're fine, Pilot. Come on, I'll take you down to
the mess and buy you something to drink. Sounds like you need to relax."
I sat at the end of the table - the 'far' end is how it described itself in my mind, because the viewing angle
in the anime had been from the opposite end. I was in between Shinji and Kensuke, with Asuka and Kaji on my
right, past Shinji, and Toji and Misato on my left, as I'd 'remembered' the seating arrangements.
With a can of Coke before me, I listened to the banter between the lot of them, noticing it wasn't exactly
word-for-word as I had expected it to be. At one point, I tried to tell myself to put the stupid television show out of
my mind and concentrate on living in reality - which was an amusing thing to be thinking, after all I'd been
through so far.
At one point, everyone reacted outrageously to something Kaji said - as expected, of course - and I was
distracted from my inner thoughts, looking up and blushing. I felt like it was one of those moments when you
realize you're singing along at the top of your lungs to music in your earphones, and then realize after the fact
that you're in a library full of studious people. Except my case was the inverse - I had remained silent and stoic
despite the reaction everyone else had to Kaji's comment.
"See what you're getting yourself into, Miss Thomson?" Kaji quipped, gesturing to Misato's furious glare.
"This is quite the troupe to associate with."
"Oh, no," I laughed nervously. "I don't think I could move in with them. Not enough room, for starters."
Everyone kind of stared at me for a moment, and I realized I'd blundered into yet another faux pas.
"I meant your fearless leader's temper," Kaji said, cracking a smile. I seriously thought steam was going
to whistle out of Misato's ears any moment. "I'm sure NERV has an apartment lined up for you when you arrive."
"Eheh, right," I said embarrassedly. "Of course. I didn't mean live together, I, um, ..yeah."
Toji said something quickly and under his breath, and both Kensuke and Misato laughed. I blinked and
said, "Uh, should I be glad I didn't catch that?"
Asuka snickered too. "He said he wonders if you're looking for someone to rub noses with, Fourth."
I paused for a moment before I finally made the connection. "That's Eskimos, not Canadians," I shot
back in English.
"Being that Canada has most of the landmass in the Arctic, wouldn't most Eskimos be Canadians by
default?" Kaji said with a smile.
I stammered and stumbled over a reply, blushing and looking down at my drink. Stop talking about me!
Start fawning over Shinji and make Asuka jealous!
"Are we going to get to see the Evas?" Kensuke asked Misato in Japanese.
"I'm sure we can arrange it," Misato said with a smile. I thought Kensuke was going to have a stroke.
"It'd be interesting to see if Shinji could sync up with either 03 or 02," I said, eliciting a glare from Asuka.
Forgive me, I left unsaid.
"It's unwise to try out here," Misato shook her head. "The programs are written with you two in mind."
She indicated me and Asuka. "I don't profess to understand the whole bio-sync thing - that's Ritsuko's
department - but I get the impression that his harmonics would be completely different than yours."
"You never know," Kaji said, heading down the path that I'd tried to steer the conversation; taking the
bait, so to speak. "Shinji's success on his first sortie is pretty legendary throughout NERV. Syncing at over 40
percent on his first run, with no training or preparation.. there's no telling what he's capable of."
Shinji tried to deflect and downplay the praise, too occupied with that action to notice Asuka's death
glare aimed right at him. I frowned, mostly at myself, wanting to crawl in a hole and die for doing what I did. I
don't think I'd feel more upset at myself if I'd reared back and punched her right in the gut.
Misato broke the ice that had befallen the table by standing up. "All right. I'm going to go talk to the
captain about getting over to the other ships where the Evas are being stored." She looked to Kaji and
deadpanned, "You don't need to join us."
"I'm going with Kaji," Asuka said coldly, looking away from Shinji.
"What's troubling you?" Misato asked me some minutes later, ascending a ladder.
"I feel like I instigated that," I confessed to her, gesturing behind us.
Misato smiled and took a moment to formulate her answer. "There's something you need to keep in mind
about Asuka before you start blaming yourself for every little thing. She's very competitive. That would've
happened if you'd said anything or not."
"Are you sure?" I asked.
"Definitely. I have to be honest, I was kind of waiting for something to happen." After a moment, she
said, "It seems like you've built up a friendship with the Second Child, hmm?"
"I guess," I nodded. "I hope so."
"Don't worry about what just happened. It'll blow over soon enough."
"Okay," I said, and smiled faintly. "Thanks for trying to cheer me up."
"No problem," she responded with a smile of her own.
"Ano.. Thomson-san?" Shinji called up from behind me.
"Hai?" I said, turning halfway around to look at him as we walked along.
"Why did you suggest that I try syncing up with Unit 03?"
Doh, I winced internally. "I didn't mean anything by it," I said. "I just wondered if our sync ratios are tied
somehow to which Eva we use. Does that make sense?"
"I suppose," he said. Nothing more was contributed; Shinji was evidently normally of few words.
"I hope I didn't offend you," I said. "I just want to be part of the team. Maybe I should keep quiet.."
"N-no, no, it was fine," he replied. "It will be interesting once we all get back to Japan."
"Yes, there will be four of us now, I hear," I smiled. "That should result in quite a formidable force."
"Hey! Third Child!"
I flinched as I heard Asuka bark out from the top of the escalator. I turned, as did Shinji, and the others.
As Shinji and Asuka's eyes met, she declared firmly, "You're coming with me."
Shinji blinked and stammered a couple of syllables in response. Misato laughed and said, "Oh, this
sounds serious, Shinji-kun. Better do as she says."
"Good luck, Ikari," I said. He didn't acknowledge my comment, but headed off up the escalator and
followed the Second off to the left. The rest of us turned right at the landing.
"Here we are," Misato announced as we reached the bridge hatch. "Mr. Aida, please stay with us this
time."
"Yes ma'am!" he responded swiftly.
We stepped out onto the bridge as Misato announced our arrival. The whole situation was pecking at the
back of my mind, again for its incongruity with what I 'remembered', but I told my thoughts to shut up and leave
me alone, and tried to play the part I was cast into.
"You again," the fleet captain grumbled. "What's the matter now?"
"We're requesting transport to the Tanager to view Unit 03," Misato said plainly.
"The helicopter's already in use by your other charge," the captain pointed out.
"Which is why I'm requesting another," Misato smiled.
"Are you trying to push my buttons?" the man thundered. "I don't have time for this nonsense--"
"Do you have time to explain to your superiors why you refused to co-operate with a reasonable request,
and risked the safety of the fleet to justify your dislike for us?"
I seriously thought Toji was going to faint out of admiration for Captain Katsuragi. Kensuke smirked, and
I couldn't help but smile faintly.
"Sparks!" the captain called out curtly.
"Sir," the radio tech responded from across the bridge.
"Line up one of the SAR helos to take this sorry bunch out of my hair before I go completely mad!"
"Yes, sir!" came the response.
"Captain," I said once we were in the air, five minutes later, "Should we maybe go to the Kestrel first?"
"What for?" Misato said.
"My plugsuit is over there in my berth, and--"
"Pfah," Misato said with a dismissive wave. "You won't need it. The likelihood of getting attacked out
here is minimal at best."
Tell Gaghiel that, I didn't add. Despite the fact that things had clearly unfolded differently now that I was
in the mix, I was still convinced that the Angel of Fish would come knocking any second.
I heard Kensuke and Toji whispering about plugsuits in the seat behind me, and turned around to stare
at them. Kensuke tried to silence Toji, who blushed and turned to stare out the window intently at whatever he
could see.
"Mr. Aida," I said to the one person who was still even remotely looking my way, "You two wouldn't be
talking about me, now, would you?"
"N-no," he shook his head vigorously.
"I hope not," I said with a smile. "Because I could tell you how the suits take time to conform to a given
body type. They tend to have a 'memory' for their last shape in 'shrink' mode. If I know my friend Asuka as well
as I think I do, your friend Shinji is learning that with Asuka's spare suit right about now. If neither of you want to
experience it with my spare suit, I suggest you purge and cleanse your mind of any impure thoughts right this
moment."
"H-hai!" he said with a nod. Toji remained staring furiously out the window, blushing even deeper now.
Misato laughed and nudged me jokingly as I turned around, myself reddening all the way to my ears.
"Say hello to Sangouki," I said, feeling more like a host(ess) than a pilot. "Excuse her for not being in a
more dignified position right now."
"'Her'?" Kensuke said from behind the lens of his video camera.
I smiled a little. "Asuka says I personify things a little much," I explained. "But to me, it feels like 03 is a
woman."
"Typical," Toji muttered. I sighed and rolled my eyes in response.
"It's a fine specimen," Misato said. "Why don't you show them around the various parts?"
Shrewd, I realized. She wants to see how much I remember from my training. "Of course, Captain.
Suzuhara-san, Aida-san, please follow me.."
As I walked around and showed the various bits of San off, including the battery pack, prog knife holster,
head (well, helmet, but I had to keep the charade up, of course), etc., I couldn't help but yet again think of how
Gaghiel was probably bearing down on the fleet as I spoke. I had no plugsuit, no neuroclips, and no main power
source. I hoped Shinji and Asuka were ready, willing, and able.
"..and even the bottoms of the feet are coated with special rubber soles, like trainers," I said, finishing my
head-to-toe tour. "Supposedly this helps gain traction on most surfaces."
"Awesome!" Kensuke exulted. "Thanks for showing us, Thomson-san!"
"Please," I said with a smile. "Call me Jill. I don't mind."
Kensuke got a strange look in his eye. "All right, Jill!" he said with a grin.
Oh boy.. I hope I didn't just go down a road I didn't want to, I thought. Turning around, I found Misato had
followed us, listening intently.
"Do I pass, Captain?" I said, smiling brightly.
"Well done, Pilot," she answered. "You certainly know your stuff."
"I don't know about my 'stuff'," I quipped, "but when it comes to my Eva, I've had lots of time to practice
and study."
"Can you stand it up?" Kensuke asked. He was certainly the more talkative of the duo; Toji was
somewhat interested, but had been keeping quiet for the most part.
Before I had a chance to answer, Misato spoke up. "Not right now," she told them. "For one thing, Jill left
her suit back on the ship where she's been staying, and it wouldn't do to have her mess up her regular clothes.
Secondly, imagine how it would upset the ship's stability if she were to try to move the Eva around now."
"Right," I chimed in. "Imagine standing up in a rowboat suddenly. And remember, I'm still not perfectly
comfortable with the Eva yet." I glanced at Misato. "Maybe when we get to New Yokosuka, I'll be allowed to
move her off the boat under her own power."
"Mm-hmm," Misato nodded. "I imagine that could be arranged."
"Great!" Kensuke agreed.
For a moment, the four of us stood there looking at one another, with nothing more to comment or
contribute.
Where's a good Angel attack when you need one? I wondered.
"All right, then," Misato finally said. "Shall we go back?"
"Okay," I agreed.
"Maybe over to see Unit 02?" Kensuke asked.
"We'll see," Misato said, leading us toward the 'tent flap'. "It depends on Asuka at this point."
And so, ultimately, we did head over to the ship where Nigouki was housed. Asuka and Shinji were still
there, with the former describing to the latter how her Eva was better than anything he'd seen and how she was
ready for anything the Angels might throw at us.
They're late with the first pitch, I said to myself, having scanned the sea from horizon to horizon all the
way over on the helicopter. I felt uneasy, being upset that a 'bad' thing had yet to pass. It was like I had prior
knowledge that a car crash was going to happen, and I was disappointed when it didn't occur.
"Of course! The Fourth would agree with me. Right, Fourth?" Asuka said at one point, in response to
something Shinji said.
I blinked and looked up to them, coming back to reality. "Oh? Sorry, I was distracted."
Asuka sighed heavily. "I said, you'd agree with me, right? That the Production models are far superior
and advanced in comparison to the Prototype and Test Type."
"I haven't seen the Prototype and Test Type in action yet," I said. "So I'd have to reserve judgment."
Again Asuka made an annoyed sound. "Way to back me up, Fourth!" she snapped.
"Asuka," I said plaintively, trying to beg forgiveness, of sorts.
"Need I remind you that you all should be operating as a team?" Misato contributed at that point.
"There's no need to compete with one another."
"If you really meant that, you wouldn't publish our test scores," Asuka shot back. I feared it was going to
dissolve into a full-on argument, but we were saved by the intercom.
"All hands prepare for arrival in New Yokosuka Harbor," came the order. "One hour to docking."
"About time!" Asuka said. "It'll be nice to have my feet back on solid ground."
"Let's get back to the Over The Rainbow," Misato suggested. "We can watch the arrival from there."
I managed to get aboard the same helicopter as Shinji and Asuka on the way back to the OTR. I really
felt bad about the events of the afternoon, and wanted to talk to the German girl about it.
"Asuka," I said to her when I built up the courage. "I want to apologize for today."
"For what?" she asked, still with an annoyed look on her face.
"For lots of things," I said. "Not backing you up about the Production models, making you feel like you
had to prove something.."
"I don't need to prove anything," she sniffed. "My skill will show through soon enough."
"I know," I said. "I just feel bad about things I said and did, and I--"
"There's nothing to apologize for," Asuka said.
"You sure?"
"Don't worry about it, Fourth," she said, looking over at me and smiling. Whether it was forced or not, I
couldn't tell, but it seemed genuine.
"Okay," I said, returning the smile. Looking across her at Shinji, I added in Japanese, "Sorry for airing
our dirty laundry in front of you."
"It's okay," he responded politely.
"Ikari doesn't mind," Asuka said, evidently jumping at the chance to change the subject. "I'm sure he's all
flustered about the concept of two girls talking about him."
"Wh-what?" Shinji stammered. I, too, had to wonder how Asuka made that leap of logic, but in time, I
would learn that Asuka saw patterns and paths where others saw only freshly fallen snow.
Still, I decided it was time I exercised my newly-delivered right as a girl to make a boy squirm. "I think
you're right," I said to Asuka, eyeing Shinji. "Look at him blush."
"I-I am not," he said, looking away.
Asuka was about to say something more when the helicopter touched down on the carrier. Deckhands
were at the doors in a flash and hustling Shinji and I off the machine.
"What's the matter??" I asked.
"Over to the other bird!" the man who'd been stationed at my door shouted over the rotor noise. "We've
got to get you to your Eva!"
Apparently Asuka was being told the same thing - as I whipped around to look at her, she was reacting
much the same way to something another deckhand was saying to her. A split second later, something towards
shore caught our attention.
I turned that way and saw a geyser of water and foam shoot skyward, followed closely by smoke, as one
of the lead destroyers was, well, destroyed. A tremendous wake made the two remaining pieces of the ship part
and bob away from one another, as the unseen attacker bore down on another picket ship.
The helicopter I'd been on a moment previous lifted off with Asuka and the pilots aboard, and the other
one was landing on the other pad, with Misato and the two boys hastily being escorted out and onto the deck.
I ran towards the machine, and as Misato passed me, holding her hair down with one hand, she slapped
me on the back and said in English, "Do your best!"
I was all but thrown inside the Black Hawk's passenger compartment, and was definitely not fully seated
and belted in before the machine was airborne and racing towards the Tanager. Once in the air, I saw a machine
taking off from the Kestrel and heading towards my Eva's storage space as well - likely carrying my green duffel
bag with the required plugsuit and neuroclips.
"Here we go," I muttered to myself, trying to keep my heart from jumping right out of my throat.
Chapter Six: Home Opener
Luckily, nervousness hadn't sapped away my memorization of the startup procedure. I got suited up,
figured out how to release the entry plug and open it, got inside, closed it, and inserted it in the Eva in less than
two minutes.
"Commence LCL fill," I murmured to myself, pressing buttons and throwing switches. I was trained to call
out the procedures as I performed them, but I wondered how important it really was - was it like shouting out a
weapon's name as you used it?
In a few more moments, I was no longer hunched over a control console in a slim cylindrical cockpit. I
was lying face-down in a pool of cooling fluid, a large tent over my giant form.
San, are you with me? I asked the Eva. I got a sense of presence in response, which gave me more
relief than I'd felt at any other time up to that point.
All right. Here goes nothing, I told myself (and perhaps 03 as well), and tried to stand up.
It was exactly as I'd described to the boys. Like standing up in a rowboat, I mean. Except the rowboat
was 400 feet long and 65 feet in draft, and I was 200 feet or so tall myself.
Feeling proud just at the feat of standing up on such an unstable surface, I looked around at the multiple
screens to try to locate my partner. There, a kilometer or more away to my left, I saw my giant, red twin already
standing tall.
"Looks like you're both active," Misato said over an audio-only link. "Is everything okay?"
"I'm fine!" Asuka called out.
"Eva 03 status normal," I responded in turn.
"There's only one power coupling, and there are no sockets in New Yokosuka," Misato said. "Decide
between the two of you which one uses the power source."
"Asuka has the higher sync ratio," I said. "She has a better chance of using it to her advantage."
"Good choice!" Asuka said, leaping from the ship she was on and 'hopscotching' to the Over The
Rainbow.
"Is there any hindrance related to the water?" I asked, specifically meaning the so-called 'B-type
equipment'.
"Just that it'll slow you down," Misato clarified. "We're almost in the harbor, which is 45 meters deep, so
it's going to be around waist-deep for you. Just be careful not to fall out into the open sea."
"Got it," I replied, and, swallowing my apprehension, leapt off the Kestrel much as Asuka had taken
leave of her own roost.
The display off to my lower right, in my peripheral vision, read 4:24.09 by the time I made it into the
harbor. By that time, Gaghiel had taken out three more ships, and Asuka was hooked up to the power source on
the OTR and ready to go.
"Good thinking, Fourth - you goaltend the harbor and I'll keep it from getting out to sea," Asuka declared.
"Uh, right," I said, as if it had been my plan all along, and I hadn't just been preoccupied with getting to
'safe ground'. "I'm ready."
"Here it comes!" Misato warned. "Watch out!"
The Angel jumped fully out of the water, reminding me somewhat like a giant manta ray in its shape and
how it moved. It draped itself across most of the deck of the OTR, engulfing Nigouki as well.
Switch to gain mode, my training poked at my mind. Conserve battery power.
"Wups," I said aloud, and turned down the controls so that the power consumption was minimized. At
least while I was standing still and watching things, I wouldn't be wasting as much juice.
"Scheiße!" Asuka hollered. "This thing is tough! Hey, Fourth - are you out there?"
"I'm here!" I responded.
The Angel either fell off or was propelled off the deck of the OTR, and Asuka stood back up. "I think the
only way to take this thing out is to get to it from the inside!"
"R-right," I said, stammering, a little concerned about what that would mean, since there were no
scuttled destroyers for us to sacrifice.
"That means one of us has to go down its throat, Fourth," Asuka clarified.
"I was afraid you'd say that," I moaned.
The beast was swimming towards the OTR again. Asuka said, "Look, I can do it, but it has to be held
down for a minute!"
"Okay," I said. "How do you want me to get out there?"
"How did you get in there, baka?!" she shouted back at me.
"Right," I said, looking for a ship or three to use as platforms. Turning the power level up to full gain, I
said, "All ships please maintain current formation!" and leapt forward once more.
This is like MXC, I mused as I managed to land on the destroyer that was first in my path. Except the
stakes are much higher.
I made it to the second ship - an AEGIS launch, on which I accidentally cleaned off the aft missile
launcher - hoping they wouldn't mark that against my paycheck. Asuka was kicking and punching at Gaghiel,
who had leapt up onto the deck of the OTR once more.
"Anytime today, Fourth!"
"Coming!" I replied, taking the third of four leaps. The supply ship never knew what hit it, the entire deck
submerging for a moment as I landed, then again as I propelled myself one last time into the air, intent on
making a flying tackle on the Angel.
It writhed around in those few seconds, which unfolded in slow motion, to my mind's eye. Its 'tail' slapped
Asuka to the side, almost knocking her off the deck into the depths, as the mouth with rows of teeth turned and
yawned open to face me.
"Shiiit!" I shrieked as I hurtled unstoppably towards the Angel.
The impact was bone-crushing, bladder-jarring, and any other descriptors you wish to apply to it. Couple
that with the fact that being synchronized with the Eva meant I felt what she felt, and I all but passed out.
"Get it, Fourth!" Asuka yelled, tackling the beast as I'd intended to. Out of the corner of my eye, on the
far end of the ship, I noticed a VTOL jet quickly rise up on an elevator and depart.
That should make this easier, I said, bidding farewell to Mr. Kaji. I turned my attention back to the task at
hand, and found myself staring down the maw of the Angel, with a core where its uvula (the little thing that hangs
down in the back of your throat, doncha know) should have been.
The Angel was thrashing and flailing around, making it hard for me to focus on the core, but being the
only point of color in an otherwise black void, it wasn't too difficult to keep track of.
"Use your prog knife, Jill!" Misato called out. "Destroy it!"
I activated the progressive knife, reaching up with some difficulty (since I was essentially inside the
Angel's mouth) to pull it from its holster. Extending the blade, I watched through the screens as it began to glow
and vibrate, then reached forward to plunge it into the core.
Suddenly I felt a short fall and a jarring thud, and water started pouring into the Angel's mouth. We
must've fallen off the carrier! I realized.
"Jill, the knife won't work if it gets submerged," Misato said hurriedly. "Do it now!"
"Hurry up, Fourth!!" Asuka hollered.
I threw my arm forward, trying to stab the core dead-center with the knife, but it glanced off the core's
surface just as the water completely filled the Angel's mouth. The knife fizzled and sparked in the water, and the
glow dissipated.
"Knife unusable!" I declared, tossing it aside. "Switching to Plan B!"
"What the heck is Plan B?!" Asuka shouted.
I reached forward with both the Eva's hands and grabbed hold of the core, then squeezed. Ever tried to
crush a marble with your bare hands? That's about as much luck as I was having.
It didn't take long for the Angel to react to what I was trying to do - mainly by clamping down with its
jaws.. on my Eva's thighs.
"Ow! Fuck!" I bellowed, feeling the burning sensation ripple up and down my legs. I didn't let go of the
core, though, and it almost felt like I was having a little bit of luck; my hands started to inch closer together, as if
the core was starting to give.
"You've got to be almost out of time, Jill!" Misato yelled. I remembered the fact that I was on batteries at
that very second, and glanced over to see that the timer read 0:34.27. "Dammit," I cursed.
"Whatever you're doing, do it quick!" Asuka demanded.
"Shut up! I'm trying!" I shot back, still trying to grind the core between my Eva's hands. Little by little it
felt like it was working, but I didn't know if I would be able to get it done in half-a-minute---and suddenly it pulverized, shattering and filling the water in the creature's mouth with what looked like
millions of little glass shards. The Angel seized, then went limp, even the death grip its jaws had on me relaxed.
The ordeal wasn't over. I had less than 15 seconds left before the Eva ran down to zero, and then I'd be
stuck until we could effect a recovery mission. I didn't even know if New Yokosuka had the right equipment to do
that - and worse yet, what if I fell to the sea floor with the Angel's corpse? What kind of pressures could an Eva
take?
While I was trying to wriggle free of the Angel's maw, the display first went red at the 10-second mark,
then just as suddenly, went to its yellowish-orange color again, with 8:88.88 on the screen. The 'EXTERNAL'
legend flickered on and remained lit.
What's going on? I wondered. Suddenly I started withdrawing quickly from the Angel's mouth - or, more
precisely, as I figured out a few seconds later, the Angel was falling away from me, as it headed into the depths.
I was tethered to the ship by the umbilical cable, which had been ejected from the back of Eva 02 and locked
into the socket on the back of my Eva's body, at the last moment.
"Hurry up and get back up here before I run out, Fourth," Asuka said, with her Eva crouched on the
carrier deck, braced to hold me by the umbilical cable.
I turned around and thanked her as I tried to make the Eva perform swimming motions to rise the several
hundred feet to the surface. Asuka just said, "No problem. We're a team, right? Like Misato said."
While her sentiments seemed genuine, something in Asuka's voice led me to believe she was miffed that
I'd been the one to defeat the Angel and not her.
Wait.. holy shit, you just defeated an Angel, Jill, I realized with a start. I sat there in the entry plug,
looking at the controls and the screens, replaying the events in my mind. I had fought an Angel, and won. I
wasn't even supposed to be there. Gaghiel was supposed to attack much earlier, and Asuka and Shinji were
supposed to take it out together in 02, with the help of the UN Navy. Instead, Asuka and I had teamed up to
vanquish it, and we did, through no small part by my actions.
Way to go! I cheered myself, and partly directed the same towards Sangouki as well. In my adrenalinefilled state, I was too hyped up to be able to understand the multitude of sensations and feedback impulses I was
receiving from the Eva. Accomplishment was one, and I thought I could detect pride too.. but as I say, it was
hard to focus on them all at that point.
I rolled the Eva back onto the flight deck, which was dented and damaged all over its surface, both by
Asuka's and my fight with Gaghiel, and from the umbilical thrashing around as it was dragged about by either of
us. To minimize my effect on the ship's center of gravity, I sat 03 down on the fantail, her legs draped over the
edge into the wake of the ship, like a child playing off the family speedboat.
It didn't take long to get to the harbor after that. I'll spare you the details of how we idled the Evas at max
conserve in the interim, trading off the power connection like two scuba divers buddy-breathing from the same
air tank. Ultimately, the ship was anchored in the harbor, and the two of us waded to shore and climbed onto the
docks.
Okay, do this carefully, I told myself as I set the Eva into a crouch. Think about what you need to do
here and do it right.
'It' was, of course, positioning the Eva so that the ejected entry plug wouldn't be 30 meters aboveground
(or worse) when it came time for me to disembark. Getting into what I figured was a suitable position - for the
above reason and in terms of how 'dignified' the Eva would appear once shut down (hey, I have pride too) - I cut
the power and issued the commands to start the disembarking process.
After having purged myself of the LCL and slowly climbing down San's shoulder and arm, I looked
across the way to see that Asuka had left 02 standing and was using a container ship crane as a makeshift
gantry. I guess that would have been easier, I realized, smiling to myself as I hopped the last ten or so feet.
It didn't take long for both of us to meet up and make our way over to where the others were deboarding
the OTR. On the way over, I complimented Asuka on her skill and how she'd fought the Angel.
"Thanks," she said. "You didn't do too badly yourself!"
The pat on the back - verbal and physical - that I received there felt odd, considering how my mind was
still expecting Asuka to behave. "You sure you're okay with the fact I finished it off?" I asked.
"Pfft," Asuka scoffed. "I'll have plenty of chances to show you up in the future, Fourth, I'm sure."
"Okay then," I said sarcastically, with a grin. "Just so I'm sure you won't be horribly scarred over this
incident."
Asuka laughed along with me, and then stopped, nudging me as we walked along. "Look out. Here come
the stooges - wanna bet they stare at us in our suits?"
"Erf," I said, trying not to blush. "No bet."
"That was incredible!" Kensuke exclaimed as he ran towards us both. "I got almost all of it on video!"
"Great," I replied. "I'll have to see it sometime, considering I spent most of it looking into an Angel's gut."
"I don't know if you want to, Fourth," Asuka quipped. "If his video is anything like my angle, all you get to
see is a pair of legs whipping about!--" She flailed her arms back and forth, evidently mimicking my Eva's legs as
they thrashed in the Angel's toothy grip.
"Ow, don't remind me," I complained, the throbbing sensation the synchronization with the Eva provided
coming back to my mind in a flash. I reached down to rub the back of my legs a little, as if that would make the
memory go away.
Toji arrived at that moment, trailed shortly by Shinji, and both saw Asuka with her arms in the air, and me
half-crouched over, hands behind my butt rubbing back and forth.
"Um," I understated.
"Should I even ask?" Toji queried.
"Ach! Shut up, stooge!" Asuka bit out, bringing her arms down to fold them across her chest. "We were..
discussing tactics. Yes! Reviewing our performance, and.. and.."
"Critiquing," I offered, standing up straight.
"Right! Good one, Fourth! Critiquing our battle prowess. It's all part of being an Eva pilot. Right, Ikari?"
"Uhm.." Shinji trailed off. "If you say so," he finally said with a shrug.
"I hope you didn't mind sitting this one out, Shinji," I told him.
"I'm sure he didn't mind," Asuka cut in. "After all, it's only fair that Misato and the stooges get to see a
quality performance once in a while."
Aha, now there's the Asuka we all know and love. I'd been worried, I kept to myself. Shinji, to his credit,
acknowledged that Asuka and I had done a good job, but said nothing more after that.
"Ladies, that was wonderful!" Misato said as she arrived. "Efficient and quite a good job working as a
team."
"You'd expect anything less?" Asuka smirked.
"Well, I'm a little disappointed that we lost a prog knife," Misato said, looking at me. "But perhaps it can
be recovered when the team comes to inspect the Angel's remains."
"Eeep," I gasped, only then remembering the fact that I'd tossed the progressive knife aside while
trapped within the Angel's mouth. It was probably on the bottom of the sea outside the harbor now, if not still
inside the Angel's digestive tract. "Uh.. sorry?"
"It's okay," Misato said, as Asuka began some ribbing that would last well into our trip 'back' to Tokyo-3.
Chapter Seven: Settling In
There's lots of stuff that you never see in the TV show that goes on behind the scenes. The reason you
don't see it, I'm sure, is because 90% or more of it is as boring as hell, and would interrupt the flow of the
episode. The debrief and introductions at NERV immediately after our arrival at Tokyo-3 was one such situation.
"Mein Gott," Asuka said facetiously as I pulled out my NERV uniform in the locker room. "It's not a
tomboy after all!"
By the way, before I get too far into this scene, for those of you expecting a long and drawn out
description of what transpires between Asuka and me in the shower, etc., you are going to be sorely
disappointed. That's all I'm going to say about that.
"I told you I wear skirts," I shot back at her. "Just not where what happened to you is going to happen."
"Whoa."
I was bent over about to step into the uniform skirt when Asuka made that comment. As my legs were
still aching from the synchronization feedback, I said, "What? Did I bruise?"
"Nein," she said softly. "Sorry, I shouldn't have been so rude.. it's the scars.."
"Oh," I said after a moment's consideration on what she meant. "They're that visible, are they?"
"From this angle, yes.. a little. Not much, though."
I stood up and fastened the skirt, turning around to face her. "It's okay. I don't mind. They're going to be
with me for a long time."
"What happened?" Asuka wanted to know.
"Just before I was selected as a pilot," I said, unknowingly repeating the explanation I'd started one time
before with her. "My parents and I were in a car crash in my hometown. I was the only survivor."
"It's amazing you can even walk, let alone pilot Eva," Asuka said.
I shrugged, pulling on the turtleneck shirt. "I guess the hospital care I got while I was out was second to
none."
"Must have been," Asuka agreed with a nod and a smile. "Sorry for bringing up bad memories."
"Don't worry about it," I said softly. "I try to bypass the bad ones and replace them with the good on-thefly. Know what I mean?"
It didn't dawn on me until after the words were out of my mouth that of all the people I could have said
that to, Asuka was probably the worst choice I could have made.
"I'll have to try it sometime," she said plainly after a moment's pause. "You ready?"
"Almost," I said, relieved she'd taken it so well. I put on the uniform jacket and buttoned it up. "How's that
look?"
"Like a good little soldier," Asuka smirked. "How about me?"
I looked her over; the trademark yellow dress was her choice of clothes. "It's a pretty universal look," I
said. "Can't go very wrong with it."
"Danke, Fourth!" she said. "Let's go meet the boss."
Let's go meet the boss.
Let us deliberately commence personal interaction with our commanding officer.
Allow us to introduce ourselves to none other than the man known as Commander Gendo Ikari.
Yes, let's indeed. Unless there's a hot poker handy with which you'd like to stab me in the eye
repeatedly.
To tell the truth, it wasn't as bad as all that. Intimidating? Hell yes. We only ever really got to see one
decent angle of that ridiculous office of Gendo's in the anime. Imagine standing within it, with all the symbols and
designs imprinted and engraved on the floors and ceilings, in the near-total darkness, with a man seated at a
gargantuan desk dozens of feet away, and no doubt in your mind that the lack of anything else in the room
means that the only thing being focused on right now is you. Talk about being put on the spot.
Asuka was blissfully unaware of my nervousness upon facing Ikari. She stood proudly, hands clasped
behind her back, as she had when first on the bridge of the Navy ship. Trying to look cute again, so I presumed.
"Good afternoon, pilots," the man across the way said in Japanese.
I waited for Asuka to say her hello before I added mine, hopefully not sounding too freaked out.
"I understand you have had an Angel encounter already, upon your arrival in Japan."
"Yes, sir!" Asuka answered for us. "The Angel was defeated well within the five minute limit of Eva Unit
03's battery supply."
"I've read the report," Ikari said flatly. "It was a satisfactory outcome."
I felt Asuka bristle beside me, and hurried to speak before she could respond. "Thank you, sir," I replied.
"We welcomed the opportunity to demonstrate our abilities."
"Indeed. Well, Captain Katsuragi will see to your accommodations and such. Dismissed."
I bowed slightly and turned, gently tugging at Asuka's wrist to bring her along. She came with me,
thankfully waiting until after we got out of the office to grumble about Gendo's choice of words.
"'Satisfactory'?" she said. "We kicked its butt!"
"Maybe he's a hard man to impress," I said. "Let's just let it go and try to wow him next time. Okay?"
"Whatever," she shrugged. "Let's go find Misato so we can get our apartments arranged."
"Okay," I nodded, falling into step behind her.
I wasn't present for the outburst that surely came when Asuka learned she was bunking in with Shinji
and Misato. However, I did get a surprise of my own when I made my way to my new address.
The building looked familiar from the outside as I strolled up - my belongings having been transferred by
courier/Section Two - taking advantage of the warm weather and the fact my body was fit and trim. I hadn't
enjoyed a good brisk walk in ages, besides the exercise I'd been getting since being selected as the Fourth
Child.
As the elevator deposited me on the twelfth floor, I found the place to have a large center courtyard or
atrium, a natural light shaft running the full height of the building. I sought out room 1211, and as I got nearer to
my destination, my suspicions were more and more confirmed.
I found 1211 almost in the corner of the floor, separated from the prime location by one unit. That one
unit, if you haven't clued in yet, was labeled "M. KATSURAGI".
Keying my way into 1211, I found it was significantly smaller than what I imagined Misato's place to be.
Evidently corner apartments still had some privileges even in post-2I Japan. Mine reminded me more of what
Rei's must have been like - minus the dinginess and the mess and all. It was a single room at the end of a short
hallway, with a miniscule kitchenette on one wall - little more than a sink, two cupboards, and a place for a hot
plate. The room had a bed and a small chest of drawers, and a doorway led into the small washroom, where a
toilet, sink, and a shower stall resided. The one luxury was that the 'window' was a larger-than-usual size,
actually more of a small sliding glass door, letting one out onto a moderately-sized balcony.
Again, my belongings were already delivered - two cardboard boxes and two suitcases. I would definitely
need more things than what I had to my name in order to make my house a home, but that could wait. For the
moment, I changed out of my uniform (into a T-shirt and a pair of shorts, if you must know), and went out onto
the balcony to take in the view.
I leaned on the railing and looked out over Tokyo-3, its buildings raised up in a traditional cityscape
format. For a few moments, I wondered how much of the city was a real functional city, and what was mere
storage for my - and the other Eva pilots' - benefit.
"Wark," came a sound from my right. I jumped and spun, finding a penguin at the transparent Lexan
divider between my balcony and the neighboring one towards the corner of the complex.
"Shit," I breathed, not ready for the real live Pen2 before me. "Hi."
Pen2 cocked his head slightly, as if a dog curiously gauging my reaction to his bark. I stared, not sure
what to do next.
"His name is Pen2," came a familiar voice from within the apartment. Momentarily, Misato stepped out, in
her tank top and shorts outfit I'd seen in the anime before.
"Ah," I acknowledged, as if I didn't know already. "Howdy, neighbor," I quipped to her. "Should I assume
you had something to do with my lodgings?"
"Guilty as charged," she said, holding up a hand. "To be brutally honest, it makes it easier to keep tabs
on the lot of you. It's just that there's no more room in my place."
"It's fine," I shrugged, leaning on the divider. "I'd feel like I was intruding, anyway."
"Never!" Misato insisted. "You're to feel welcome at any time. Understood?"
"Gotcha, boss," I said. Pen2 looked up at my hand, dangling over the divider, and took a tentative nibble.
"Ow!" I yelped, drawing my hand back. Misato laughed.
"No, I don't have any food," I said to him, using the same tone and phrases I used on my dogs back in
Jack's life.
"He's just being friendly," Misato told me. "He's actually quite domesticated."
"I'll have to buy some fish tomorrow," I promised. Directing to Misato, I said, "If that's okay."
"That'll be fine," she smiled. "I take it that means you're going to come over and be welcomed to the
neighborhood tomorrow?"
"Sure," I said. "Do I need to bring anything?"
"Only an appetite," Misato grinned. "It's Shinji's turn to cook. Be prepared for a fantastic feast."
The subsequent day was a Saturday. I started it out by going out for some groceries and stuff, carting
back enough to fill my meager cupboards. As promised, some raw fish was among the haul.
Storing it for the afternoon was a task, which I accomplished by buying a Styrofoam cooler and some
ice. I didn't have a refrigerator or freezer, if you didn't notice. That was rectified by a trip to an electronics/home
furnishings place, where a small fridge with freezer and some other things (various gadgets and junk you never
think about until you need it, mainly) were bought. A trip to the local Ikea resulted in a table and chairs (two), plus
a couple other accessories - all delivered promptly that afternoon, and assembled/installed by yours truly before
dinnertime.
I don't want to hear one word about this next part, but I also went and got some more clothes while I was
in shopping/purchasing mode. The fact of the matter was, when I bought my first batch of clothes in Vegas, I was
still thinking with Jack's brain - in other words, not entirely settled into my new role as Jill. So I'd bought long
pants and full long-sleeved shirts and stuff. I hadn't been prepared for the fact that Second Impact had drastically
changed the world and its weather - on the day I'm describing now, it was over 35 degrees Celsius in Tokyo-3.
To make a long story short, I updated my wardrobe with clothes that suited the climate of the Hakone region.
And because I'm a teenaged girl now, I chose to attire myself accordingly. Like I said at the start, don't give me
grief or needle me about it. I'm living Jill's life now, and I need to adapt to it.
Having said that, I was in the apartment late in the afternoon, waiting for the fridge and other appliances
to arrive, and sitting on the floor, Swedish screw-turning-widget in hand, trying to affix the legs of my new dining
table to the top. Wiping sweat off my brow, I grumbled and wrestled the table leg into place again, wishing for
another pair of hands or something to help me with the construction work.
The door chime, of course, went off just then. At first, I didn't know what it was, having never heard it
before. Once I figured it out, I hurried to the door and pulled it open, expecting delivery men..
..and instead finding Shinji Ikari standing there, in his school uniform, carrying an extra bundle. He
looked uneasy or hesitant for a moment, then said, in painstakingly practiced English, "Hello.. Miss Thomson.."
I smiled brightly and said, "Hello, Ikari. Your English is pretty good!"
"Thank you.." he drew out, then looked down at his burden, and held it out to me. "For you.."
No, it wasn't like that, you fools! He had in his hands one of those ubiquitous plastic-wrap clothing
bundles. Through the transparent cover, I saw swatches of blue and white.
"Ohh," I said, recognition dawning on me. "School uniform."
"Yes," he nodded. "You will.. expected to.. wear on Monday."
I smiled and thanked him, then called on my ever-growing command of Japanese to add, "We don't have
to speak English if you'd rather not. I could use the practice in Japanese."
He blinked, then answered in English, "As could I.. in English." He smiled a little.
I laughed politely, my mind struggling with the concept of Shinji with positive emotions. "Fair enough."
He glanced past me into the apartment, noticing the furniture debris. "What are you doing?"
I looked to see what he was looking at, then smiled back at him. "Oh, I'm trying to put together some
things I bought today. It's a bit of a struggle."
"Do you want.. some help?" he asked, the hesitation this time not from having to conjugate on the fly, or
so I gathered.
"Sure, if you don't mind," I said, stepping aside. "Come on in."
He stepped inside very deliberately, taking his shoes off and setting down his book bag at the door. I
watched him and reminded myself that I'd have to focus on such customs now that I was living in Japan - the last
thing I needed was to offend someone by trampling all over their house with my shoes on.
"Oh," he said as he stepped inside fully and recognized the upside-down piece of furniture. "A table."
"Yeah," I said, with a chuckle. "You wouldn't think putting it together was so hard, but sometimes you just
need four or five hands to accomplish a task. Know what I mean?"
He nodded. "I guess," he said. "What can I do?"
And so, for the next half-hour or so, the Third Child and the Fourth Child worked at making the latter's
place look more like a home than a storage locker. Putting the table and chairs together was fairly easy with, as I
mentioned earlier, an extra pair of hands assisting. Right about as we were finishing up and cleaning up the
cardboard scraps and such, the appliances arrived. Fridge and microwave and toaster oven were all stacked
one atop each other beside the 'kitchenette', and the TV was placed on a small coffee table/end table type thing
we'd put together after the dining room table. The rest of the stuff - hand mixer, can opener, etc etc etc., was
piled on the countertop for me to sort through later.
"You've been on a spending spree," Shinji observed, turning around once or twice to regard the bed
covered in clothes and stuff (and the aforementioned Styrofoam cooler, in case you think I forgot about it), the
things we'd put together, and the newly arrived appliances.
"I can't feel comfortable in a new place until I have everything set up the way I want it," I explained.
"Thanks very much for your help."
"I.. it was my pleasure," he said, again smiling. "I was happy to be of use."
"'Be of use'," I scoffed. "You make it sound like you're a tool or a servant. Don't demean yourself like
that. You're a friend helping out a friend. Got it?"
"Uhm.. okay," he said, caught off guard by my reaction.
Truth be told, I don't know why I responded as I did, or if I thought it would have any positive effect. It
was just something I felt I had to say at the time.
"Anyway," I said with a smile, "I guess I should let you get home and start cooking. I understand we'll be
eating like kings tonight!"
"What?" he said with surprise. As he began to understand my meaning, he answered, "Oh.. I don't know
about that.. everyone says I'm good, but it just comes with practice.."
"Well, I look forward to it," I replied. "All I've had today was some McDonald's at noon, and I'm starving!"
Shinji looked uncomfortable at that point, and I realized my joking was being misinterpreted as putting
him on the spot. I tried to backpedal and explain myself, but he was shaken enough by my weird attitude
already. I just let him go and decided to get showered and cleaned up so I'd be ready when it was time to go
meet the neighbors, so to speak.
I headed over about an hour later, after spending 15 minutes showering and 45 picking out something
appropriate to wear, worrying about my appearance, and all that. (Yes, I did. Deal with it.)
"Come in!" Misato's voice came through the door upon my ringing of the PinPon. I shifted the fish (paperwrapped, of course) into one hand and slid the door open, remembering to step inside and shed my shoes right
away, while I called out, "It's Jill!"
"Welcome," Misato said from the table. "Come on in. We're just sitting down now."
I walked in and held up the fish. "I have a peace offering here," I quipped. "Where does it go?"
"Probably right in his belly," Misato laughed. "Pen2! Thomson-san is here!"
The 'fridge' in the corner opened and out waddled the penguin, coming over quickly and pecking at the
paper wrapper. I let out a soft laugh - will you give me grief if I admit it was a giggle? - and opened one end of
the wrapping, pushing the fish out head-first like they were hot dogs poking out of a bun.
SLLRPP! In a flash, startling me, they were gone down the waterfowl's gullet, tail, bones and all. Misato
laughed, mainly at my reaction, I think.
"I think you have a new friend," the captain teased.
Pen2 pecked at the empty paper for a moment, then waddled off. I shook my head and smiled, then
said, "Where can I put this now?"
"Garbage is over there," Misato pointed, using a finger on the hand already holding an open can of beer.
I went over to the kitchen counter where she'd indicated, where Shinji was cooking up a storm.
"Hello," I said to him. He looked up and smiled, nodding, turning back to his work. "Smells good," I
added.
"Thank you," he told me. "It will be done soon."
As I was dumping the paper in the trash, I heard a facetious gasp of shock behind me. "And she stuns
us all once again," a German-accented voice called out. "Human after all."
I turned and smiled. Asuka was speaking of my attire - a newly-bought pinkish button-up short-sleeved
shirt, and a white knee-length pleated skirt, with white socks to finish things off. At least I thought it was good
enough to wear to a casual function such as this - as you well know, I didn't have much experience in the matter.
"Good evening to you too, Second."
"Good evening, Fourth," Asuka said, cracking a grin. "Did I hear you say something about a peace
offering?"
"I brought Pen2 some fish," I said, gesturing to the penguin, now sipping beer out of a dish on the floor.
"Oh good," Asuka quipped, sitting down at the table. "Maybe that'll keep the beast off my back for a day
or two."
"Should I consider it blood money?" I said, carrying on the joking as I pulled out a chair as well, taking a
seat across from Misato and to Asuka's left.
Asuka stifled a laugh - although Misato let out a good guffaw. "Sounds about right," the Second Child
decided. She turned her attention to Shinji. "What're you making?"
"Pepper steak stir fry," he declared. "It's almost ready."
"It smells great," I contributed. "I loved it when my mom made it, when I was a kid."
That brought some silence to the room, and after a moment, I realized it could have been because of
one of two things - me talking about mothers to two people (and possibly three) who lost theirs tragically, or, me
talking about 'when I was a kid' when I was supposed to be 14 myself.
"It's ready," Shinji said, bringing the wok over to the table and setting it in the middle. I had to snatch my
hand back twice: Once when I realized I was diving in before anyone else (and before the traditional 'grace'-like
declaration), and once again when it was in danger of being speared by several sets of utensils as everyone
went after the food at once.
"We've got some forks if you want, Jill," Misato offered after everyone had filled their plates.
I looked down with determination at my hand, where I was trying to arrange the chopsticks in the proper
way. "No thanks," I said. "I'm gonna learn how to do this or starve trying."
It wasn't too hard once I had a couple of lessons - from the extrovert Asuka, of course. It helped that it
was largish strips of meat I was going after and not grains of rice or something - though that was a side dish too.
Ultimately, I'd learn how to do it properly - if for no other reason than the food being so good that I was
determined to eat it as quickly as possible.
We ate in silence for the most part. As a guest, I was prepared to do whatever the 'family' did in that
regard; far be it from me to be the chatty type if the usual procedure is to do the opposite. As I said, anyway, it
was good enough that there was little time to stop and talk.
"That was excellent, Shinji," I said. "Thank you very much."
"You're welcome, Thomson-san," came his reply.
I tch'ed and said, "I'll tell you the same thing I told Asuka, even if it fell on deaf ears that time: Call me Jill.
Please."
"All right,.. Jill," Shinji said, of course, with a smile. Asuka stuck her tongue out at me playfully, and I did
the same in return.
"I'm glad you three are getting along," Misato observed. "It'll make working together a lot easier, I'm
sure."
"I'm just glad to have some friends," I responded. "Otherwise I'd feel pretty alone here."
"Did you not have many friends in Canada?" Shinji asked innocently.
Crap, I thought. Painted into a corner. "Well, ..not really. I was kind of shy for a long time."
"You? Shy?" Asuka contributed. "That I can't see."
"People change," I shrugged. I didn't know if it was right of me to be weaving some of my excuses for
Jack's childhood into Jill's, but I was doing it anyway. "I was the kind of kid who was always in a book or staring
off into space wondering why the clock hands clicked a little bit backwards before moving forward to the next
minute, instead of focusing on the same things everyone else did. I guess my brain's wired a little differently.
Know what I mean?"
"I think you're all like that, on your own specific levels," Misato posited, in a startlingly lucid moment
considering the amount of alcohol she'd consumed already.
"I like to put it more succinctly," Asuka said, half-joking. "The Fourth is weird."
"And proud of it," I smiled, drawing myself up to my full (seated) height.
Shinji just didn't know what to make of any of it, I'm sure.
Later in the evening, after dinner's aftermath was cleared away, we were sitting and talking about
random things.
"I like your poster," I said to Misato, gesturing to the Alpine Renault hanging over her desk tucked in the
corner.
"Thanks," she smiled, after looking back to see what I was pointing to. "I have to confess I'm a bit of a
car nut."
"I had that impression," I smiled. "Are you a rally fan too?"
"Sure," she said, in that kind of tone that one would use when they were mostly indifferent but not
outright against something. "Motorsports in general are pretty entertaining."
"You're creeping across the borderline into tomboy again," Asuka said through clenched teeth.
"Oh hush, Asuka," I responded playfully. "Let me have my hobbies."
"It's unfortunate that as Eva pilots, you're all on standby day and night," Misato said. "Otherwise, I'd try to
see if I couldn't come up with tickets to Rally Japan in the fall."
I brightened, noting with surprise that the world famous championship event was so close within my
grasp, and more importantly, still a go in post-Second Impact reality. "Thanks anyway," I said. "I'd be in heaven
even if I could see it on TV."
"Now that I think we can arrange," Misato said with a laugh.
"What's the minimum age for a learner's permit here?" I asked. "Is it fourt--"
"Oh, no," Misato said, laughing again. "I don't think so, young lady."
"Come on," I pleaded. "You'll trust us with a 200 foot tall biomech and yet driving a car is out of the
question?"
"You have no need for a car," Misato shot back, still smiling. "If you want to get somewhere faster than
your own two feet will carry you, get a bicycle."
I looked to Asuka for backup. She shrugged. "I have no interest in cars," she said. "You're on your own,
Fourth."
I sighed and smiled at Misato. "You can't blame me for trying."
Shinji came in from cleaning the dishes at that point, confused by my comment, and the story had to be
repeated. While we were retelling it, I couldn't help but point out to myself that if things went as I expected them
to, would there even be a point? Would I survive to see my sixteenth birthday, or would there be any cars or
roads to enjoy in a post-3I world?
Sunday was taken up by more of getting my apartment and new belongings in order, and little worthy of
writing about, so we shall skip it. Monday was the first day of school for myself and Asuka. For reasons unknown
to me, we were scheduled not to arrive in class until 10am, when the rest started at 9.
There was a banging on my door at 9:30. "Fourth! Are you ready yet or what?!" Asuka called.
I pulled the door open and looked at her helplessly. "How the hell do you tie these things?" I sighed.
Asuka tch'ed and set down her book bag, reaching up to tie the red string tie that was hanging loosely
from my collar.
"We didn't have uniforms back home," I tried to explain away my ineptitude.
"And that," Asuka responded, "is what is wrong with schooling in the West."
"Hey, I turned out okay," I shot back.
"Says you, miss I-need-someone-to-tie-a-tie-for-me. Ach! Hold still."
I did as instructed, and in a moment, Asuka declared it as good as it was going to get. I resisted the urge
to tug at it and neaten the bow, and instead picked up my book bag to join my friend.
"This is going to be a waste of time, anyway," Asuka said as we walked towards the school.
"Oh?" I asked, playing dumb once again. "Why's that?"
"I already told you, I'm sure," she said, eyeing me. "I did finish college already in Munich."
"Oh right," I said, feeling dumb. She had indeed told me that, and I'd forgotten that it was okay to 'know'
it. "What did you major in?"
"Mathematics, electrical engineering, and physics," she beamed.
"Wow. Triple play," I commented.
"You got it! Which is why going to school here in Japan is pointless."
"Maybe they just want us to associate with the other kids our age," I said, shrugging. I, of course, knew
the real reason behind the school, but I couldn't share it.
"Whatever. Oh, crap - I just realized something."
"What's that?"
"Those two stooges that Ikari was with on the boat.. they're probably in our class."
"Oh," I said. "Um, yeah. Safe bet."
"We'll have to find a way to make the best of it."
"Deal," I said with a smile.
We went into the classroom and things fell silent, except for Toji shrieking and pointing. Maybe that little
episode on the carrier deck scarred him deeper than I realized, I mused.
Asuka obediently wrote her name on the chalkboard - who still uses chalk these days? - and introduced
herself. I did the same afterwards, and the ancient homeroom teacher assigned us both desks.
You probably shouldn't consider him old and doddering, I realized as I went to sit down. Truth be told,
he's probably only Dad's age. Well, Jack's dad's age. Whatever.
Asuka sat down and smirked at Toji and Kensuke, who both busied themselves looking away, Toji
blushing fiercely. I took my seat as well, one across and one behind from Asuka, and hung up my book bag,
extracting the notebook computer to connect it and prepare for the things I'd be 'learning'.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw someone I had thought about once or twice in the past few weeks, but
not really figured out what I'd say or how I'd approach them.
The blue-haired girl sat in the same row as me, two desks to my left - right up against the windows. Her
head was resting on her right hand, the hand which was at that point unbandaged and unslung, unlike the left.
Her gaze was directed outside, unflinchingly.
I didn't even know if Rei Ayanami had registered my and Asuka's arrival to class.
Sitting at my desk, listening to the old fart (sorry, Dad) drone on about Second Impact, I busied myself
with connecting the computer to the school network and adjusting its preferences. Getting on the Internet was
ridiculously easy, and I spent part of the morning finding message boards and forums to join and neat sites to
visit.
It was only when I had to close my web browser for a moment that I noticed the flashing mail icon. I
clicked it and found 19 messages waiting since I'd signed on.
Fourteen were from various classmates, either welcoming me (in the case of the girls and some of the
more polite guys) or really 'welcoming' me (in the case of the less polite guys). Two were from Hikari Horaki, a
boilerplate 'welcome' message and a seemingly standard package to be delivered to new students, with a PDF
of the school layout, the daily schedule, etc. One message was from Kensuke Aida, which I left for later to open,
and two were from Asuka. The first from the German girl was complaining of all the 'hits' on her, surely at least
as many as I'd received, if not more. The second was a forwarded copy of one of the more.. how do I put it?..
more pathetic ones, along with the answer Asuka proposed to send back. I replied that I agreed with her
sentiments, and before I could react, I heard a boy in the back corner of the room sputtering and coughing.
Asuka was evidently pretty quick on the send button.
So that left Aida. Okay, let's see this, I sighed to myself, and opened the message. To my shock and
disbelief, it wasn't the gushy, sappy, secret-admirer tripe I'd been worrying about and expecting for days now.
Instead, he'd typed out a thoughtful, articulate welcome-to-the-class letter, full of sincerity and kindness.
Oh, and he did want (please) any photos, schematics, or other materials on the Eva that I could part
with. I smirked as I read that part at the end of his message. Old habits must die hard, I surmised.
An hour and a half after arriving at school, it was lunch time. I waited outside the classroom for Asuka.
"Ah!" she said as she nearly walked into me. "What's up?"
"Figured I'd join you, unless you have other plans," I said. "Unless you consider me a hanger-on.."
"Nonsense," Asuka said, taking my wrist and tugging. "Come with. Class rep is going to show us the
cafeteria."
I realized Hikari was on Asuka's other side. "Ohayo," I said, dipping my head a little.
"Hello," Hikari smiled back. "Your Japanese is good for a Westerner."
"It's getting better every time I use it," I nodded. "Soon I'll be able to carry on a conversation without
sounding like a seven year old."
"You're doing fine," the class rep laughed. "Keep at it."
"Thank you," I said genuinely. "So what does the cafeteria have?"
"Lots," came the answer. "But expensive."
"I did pack something," I said, gesturing towards the shoe lockers, where I'd stashed my 'lunch' - a cup of
noodles.
"Nein!" Asuka cut in. "I am buying today, ladies. Put away your money and your food."
Soon, Asuka was singing a different tune.
"Pathetic, Fourth," she sighed.
"What's the matter?" Hikari asked, peering around Asuka's shoulder.
I looked down at my lunch tray, with a cheeseburger and fries on the plate, and a chocolate milk for the
drink. "What?" I asked the Second.
"You're in Japan," Asuka said bluntly. "You should try some Japanese meals. Delicacies, even."
"I happen to like this particular delicacy," I said mock-snobbishly. "You don't see me demanding you
gnaw on a bratwurst."
"Oh shut up," she snapped back at me.
Hikari laughed. "Forgive me, Sohryu-san, but Thomson-san won that argument."
"Jill, please," I said to her. "And Asuka knows I'm kidding. We have this.. weird kind of friendship."
"Doesn't even begin to describe it," Asuka said, counting out money to pay for the three meals.
"Wouldn't have it any other way, dear freund," I replied.
"Shut up and eat your artery-killer-on-a-bun," Asuka shot back, a little smirk on her face.
The three of us sat down at a table, joining others who Hikari apparently had reserved seats with. We
were introduced to the other girls, and chatted randomly as we ate, about various things - where we'd come
from, what it was like to be Eva pilots, and so on.
At this point, I kept to myself, while eyeing the others about the table, any one of you could be next. It
was entirely possible that my insinuation into what I saw as Toji's place would completely upset the whole chain
of events. Perhaps Kisara over there would be the Fifth Child. Or maybe no one would. Maybe it would be
Kaworu after all.
I put those thoughts out of my head as I continued eating and conversing with my new classmates.
Phys ed was the first period after lunch. Changing along with a whole bunch of other girls was not quite
a big problem, considering I'd been seen in public in a plugsuit already. Once eyes have gone up and down you
in that plastic/fabric thing, I doubted much would faze me any more.
We played dodge ball for the entire period. We were assigned randomly to teams after each match, and
more than once, I was on the team opposite Asuka. It was frightening to be on the receiving end of some of her
throws - I knew I would have bruises at the end of the day, and even on parts I'd never bruised before. I did end
up on her team twice, too, so it all evened out. She was firmly cementing herself as an overachiever, if not the
star of the class - an odd thing, considering her disdain for school as confessed on our way in.
It didn't dawn on me until we were returning to the change room at the end of the class that Rei was not
among us. Glancing up at the classroom, I saw her still seated in her chair, head down, clearly reading a book
quite intently.
I guess she wouldn't have been able to play, anyway, I realized. That is, if her wounds are real.
It seemed like a mean thing to think, but it came to my mind just the same. Something in me made me
think that Gendo would send her to school all bandaged up for nothing just to extract some sympathy or
something, for reasons unknown.
Showering and changing, we all trudged back into the classroom for more Second Impact droning - I
mean, lecture. The curriculum here is off the wall, I remember saying to myself. Why do they spend so much
time on this bloody subject?
I'm sure I actually already had the answer, but didn't want to admit it.
Chapter Eight: Higher Education
Days passed without incident. Tests and evaluations ensued at the NERV complex, and I spent more
than a few hours wandering it to learn the layout and design adequately. (And by 'wandering' I mean through the
spaces I was permitted to access, not blundering my way into Terminal Dogma or something like that.)
School became more and more interesting as days went on. It was almost like a second childhood - well,
who am I kidding? That's exactly what it was. I was able to go back and do things differently, with the knowledge
and experience of my adult life, in the body and existence of my now-teenaged self. Of course, some things
differed by necessity - I got to learn what the girls did with their spare time, instead of the guys, for example. All
in all, I gained a number of friends and acquaintances, and relished the whole experience completely.
No Angel attacks took place, but I had kind of expected that - even considering the disparity of the fight
with Gaghiel. As mentioned, the only time I saw an Eva was during sync and harmonics tests.
It was at the conclusion of one of those test days that I happened across Rei Ayanami inside the NERV
complex. I was already changed back into my school uniform (for lack of anything better to wear home), and she
was in her plugsuit, heading towards the Cages.
"Oh! Ayanami," I said with a smile as we nearly bumped into one another.
She stepped back slightly and stared at me.
"I've been meaning to seek you out," I said, filling the gap.
"Why?" came the soft, almost monotonic answer.
"To introduce myself," I said, holding out my right hand. "I'm Jill Thomson, the Fourth Child."
"I know who you are," Rei replied, not moving.
"Well, yes, but.. we haven't really met," I explained, "so I kind of thought that it would be.." I shrugged.
"I have a sync test to attend," she added. And you are in my way, was the unsaid portion.
"Oh.. sorry," I said, stepping aside and letting my hand fall to my side. "Good luck."
Rei walked past me without another word, not even looking back or acknowledging my well-wishing.
Frowning a little, I turned back to my locker and finished up, my thoughts torn.
That was spectacularly disastrous, I decided. But do I write off further contact, or try again some other
time?
I couldn't figure out why failing to strike up a friendship with Ayanami surprised me, nor why it was so
important to me that I try in the first place.
About a week after, at school, things started getting interesting again. I was somewhat popular, though
well within Asuka's shadow, if you get my drift. I don't know how much of it was the 'gaijin factor', as I called it,
and how much was legitimately Asuka's and my personalities endearing people to us. Whatever it was, we were
liked, which buoyed my spirits somewhat.
Asuka's spirits, on the other hand, needed a jumpstart sometimes. One day, as we were at our shoe
lockers, Asuka opened hers and yelped as a virtual avalanche of envelopes - love letters, obviously - spilled
about her feet.
"Whoops," I giggled, cracking a wide smile. "Somebody's obsessed."
Asuka grumbled and ground a few of them underfoot. I couldn't comprehend why she was upset; wasn't
attention what she craved most of all? That part always confused me about her.
As I unlocked my locker, I felt the door pushing against my hand pressure ever-so-slightly. Before I could
react, the little door popped open and a torrent of envelopes - though nowhere near as large as Asuka's
landslide - tumbled to the ground around me.
"Whoops," she said in a mocking tone.
First and second period were spent attacking the mountain of letters. Of special concern to Asuka were
the boys who had written to both of us, simultaneously, as if one wouldn't hear of the other soon enough. She
demanded the privilege of handling those personally. I 'let' her (yeah, right), and tossed out the majority of the
ones that were left over. There were a handful that were genuine enough and/or of sufficient care and
composition that they would deserve personal attention - later, though. I was just getting settled into being Jill,
and having to merge onto the romance superhighway at the same time was too much for my brain to handle.
Third period was study hall, which was nothing to write home about, as the saying goes (not that I could
in the literal sense, anyway). Fourth period, as always, was phys ed, but today was different - today was the day
in rotation when the girls took over the outdoor pool.
I shouldn't have been so worked up over the one-piece, dark swim suit issued to all of us. It was less
complicated than a plugsuit and probably left more to the imagination than the latter, truth be told. But something
about being one of many that the male half of the class down below on the sports courts were leering and
hooting at was, shall we say, a bit disconcerting.
"Come on, Fourth!" Asuka tugged at my elbow at one point. "I want to challenge you to laps."
"Is that a sheet of negatives in Suzuhara's hand?" I asked, craning my neck to peer through the fence.
"Never mind that! We'll deal with him later. Get in the pool!"
It wasn't lost on me that Rei was sitting not five feet from where I'd been clinging to the fence, trying to
get a look at what the 'stooges' were up to. That was her pattern: Sit idle and motionless when not called on to
do something, and then simply do as requested when the time came.
Or as ordered, I thought as I caught a glimpse of her during my out-lap in the pool. Sitting as still as ever,
she simply waited her turn - or so I thought, up until the point I saw her eyes dart about, watching what was
transpiring before her - coincidentally, watching me.
She's observing everything, I realized. Drinking it in.
"Hah! I won!" Asuka crowed as we bobbed to the surface a few moments later, back at the starting end
of the pool.
"Only by a meter or two," I shot back. I wasn't feeling very competitive, but considering the injuries I'd
sustained before 'waking up', I was defensive of my physical ability.
"Next victim - I mean, challenger!" Asuka demanded, and I swam to the ladder to climb out while another
girl took position on the starting block. As luck would have it, climbing the ladder put me within about five feet of
Rei once again.
She glanced at me briefly as I ran my hands through my hair to shed excess water. Suddenly, I heard,
softly: "You would have defeated her, given one more lap."
I looked over to Ayanami, but her head was again sunk down between her knees, in the fetal/indrawn
position she'd adopted, back to the fence, her gaze back towards the pool in general once more.
"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Rei," I smiled, lingering for a moment to see if she reacted - which
she did not. I turned and headed back to join the rest of the group once more.
I met up with Hikari and Asuka that afternoon, after classes.
"Wanna hang out for a while?" I asked brightly. Something in me was really quite agreeing with being
active and involved with school and classmates. As mentioned, I was more than a bit of an introvert my first time
through school, so the second chance was something I intended to do right.
"Actually, I.. have plans," Hikari said, edging away and glancing to Asuka. "Sorry."
"Me too, actually, Fourth," Asuka shrugged. "Maybe tomorrow."
"Oh," I said, shoulders dipping slightly. "Okay."
"Oh, don't be like that," Asuka snapped, jokingly. "It'll do you good anyway. You shouldn't get into the
habit of being a clinger-on."
"A Klingon?" I quipped, intentionally 'mishearing' my friend. "I don't have the forehead for it."
"Ah, weggehen!" she demanded, rolling her eyes. I laughed and waved, turning away to walk home.
Partway home, I spotted a blue Renault pull up and stop in front of one of the convenience stores on the
route.
What the hell, why not, I said to myself. I could use some soft drinks. I kept on walking that way and
went inside the store when I arrived.
As I went to the cooler for a couple of bottles of orange soda, Misato was on the other side of the store
with a hand basket, filling it with various items. She already had two large bottles of pop - sorry, that's soda, cola,
etc., for you non-Canadian readers, and some bags of potato chips and similar goods; at present she was
picking through the candy aisle at random, taking some Pocky here and a couple of gumdrops there, and so on.
I went to get some chocolate bars, which were on the aisle adjacent to where Misato was shopping. As I
was crouching down to pick up my favorites, I said, "Looks like you've given up entirely on cooking when it's your
turn, Captain."
"Wha??" came the response from the other side of the shelving.
I stood up to my full height, popping my head over the aisle. "Afternoon, Misato," I smiled.
"Oh! Jill," she said with surprise, seemingly trying to slip the basket around behind her, out of my view.
"What brings you here?"
"Two tired feet," I joked. "I'm on my way home from school and I wanted something to snack on before
supper."
"Oh really," she said, craning her neck to look at what was in my hands. "Orange drink and chocolate
bars?"
"Eh, it keeps me going," I shrugged, again smiling. "You look like you're buying for the whole brood."
"I.. oh! I am," she said, giving up on trying to hide the cache. "I'm pretty sure none of it will go to waste."
I smiled and nodded. "You certainly have a lively bunch there." I leaned on the top shelf slightly and
edged closer. "Can I ask a question of you?"
"Uh.. maybe?" she said.
"It's about Ayanami."
"Oh." Misato seemed to shift gears mentally. "Tell you what. I'll drive you home, and we can discuss this
in the car. Okay?"
"Why, thank you," I smiled. "That would be great."
So, after we both paid for our items (mine being just under a thousand yen, Misato's bill checking in at
around seven times that much), I joined Misato in her car - remembering to get in the passenger (left) side,
luckily enough.
"I like this car," I said, watching Misato choose a gear with the manumatic shifter. "You obviously take
pride in it."
"It's like we tell you lot about your Evas," she smiled. "Respect that with which you work, and it will serve
you well."
"True enough," I grinned. "Anyway, if you don't mind.."
"Yes.. Rei," Katsuragi nodded. "What's troubling you?"
"I tried to befriend her the other day in the change room at the Cages," I said. "She was.. she didn't
reject me, I don't think, or tell me to go away, but she didn't really react to me either. Just kind of carried on with
what she was doing."
Misato was nodding through most of my explanation. "Rei is.. quiet," she tried to explain. "Personal.
Keeps to herself. That's her way."
"Should I try to talk to her again?" I asked.
Misato smiled and paused while she shifted gears. "That's something you'll have to decide for yourself,"
she finally said.
So much for that idea. "All right," I said quietly.
"I know that's not much of an answer, but that's one thing I've promised not to get involved in, is other
people's relationships. It's not my business."
"Fair enough," I shrugged. "Thanks, Misato."
I spent the evening on my own, watching anime and eating my meager stash of candy bars and soda
pop. Going to bed later on, I would dream of suddenly being a HiME at Fuuka Academy, then, just as I was
about to defeat an Orphan, shifting to being a resident in a dormitory with a hapless college hopeful as its
manager. This kind of traipsing through various anime and other favorites such as Highlander and Firefly
happened before that night, and would happen again, I was sure. It was interesting to say the least, to think
about it the next morning as my waking mind took over.
In any case, the next morning, I returned to "real life" in the so-called "Evangelion world". Asuka and I
were walking to school, chattering in German, as she insisted; saying it would help my diction. I didn't tell her of
my dreams, nor ask where she'd been or what she'd done the night before; neither were anyone's business but
the people enduring them.
"Aah! Hallo, Shinji! Guten morgen," Asuka said, approaching our classmate and co-worker.
"Oh! Uhm.. guten morgen," Shinji said hesitantly, smiling a little.
"Why so gloomy this early?" Asuka groused at him. "You're being greeted by the most popular girl in
school! So be happy about it," she said with a smirk.
"All this and humble too," I quipped to Shinji, ribbing Asuka as I did so.
"Ach! Hush, Fourth," Asuka shot back jovially.
"Good morning," I greeted Shinji properly, and he nodded and returned the favor.
"Hey, I've been meaning to ask this," Asuka cut in, still on her own set of tracks. "We have the Second,
Third, and Fourth Children here. Where's the First?"
"What?" Shinji said, caught off guard.
"The First Child," Asuka sighed, shaking her head irritatedly. "She does go to this school, doesn't she?"
"Oh," Shinji said. "Ayanami.." He turned and looked in a specific direction; apparently either he'd seen
her already that morning, or she had her routine down to a predictable pattern. Asuka followed Shinji's glance
and located the blue-haired pale girl sitting on a bench down below us, reading a book.
"What timing!" Asuka said, hopping up on the cement wall of the walkway. "Time to introduce myself."
"Be careful, Asuka," I said, chasing after her via the stairs as she deftly skipped down the concrete. She
stopped before Rei, adopting a pose possibly better suited for a fencer or swordsman who had gained the high
ground.
"You must be Ayanami," Asuka said.
Must I? I imagined an alternate response from Rei. I'd really rather like.. to sing!
(Yes, I know it doesn't make sense. It's not supposed to. That's what my brain is like. Deal.)
"Yes," Rei said quietly, looking up from her book.
"I'm Asuka. Asuka Langley Sohryu, the pilot of the first production model. What do you say we become
friends?"
"Why?" came the response I fully expected.
"Because it'd be convenient, for one thing," Asuka said with a grin. "Lots of reasons."
Rei looked at Asuka for a long moment, then closed her book. "I am listening," she said.
If I could have shaken my head and made the "audiaudiaudiaudi" sound typical of old Saturday morning
cartoons, I would have. What.. the fuck? This isn't how this is supposed to go.
It hadn't even hit me yet that Rei had essentially turned me down, but was willing to buddy up with Asuka
at the mere suggestion. Speaking of Asuka, she'd jumped off the cement pillar and sat down on the bench
beside Rei. "What're you reading?"
Rei held the book up, showing the cover. It was The Art of War.
"Studying for battle?" Asuka asked.
"I find it interesting on a number of levels," Rei answered, turning it over to look at the cover again.
"A lot of it is common sense, when you get right down to it." Asuka flipped her hair and added casually,
"You do a lot of reading?"
"I suppose," Rei responded, still looking at the book's cover.
I was frozen in place, unsure of what to do. Should I step in and (re)introduce myself, and risk breaking
up the moment - one that was vital, I was sure, to Rei's evolution? Or do I stand back and watch, letting them do
their own thing?
The question was, of course, answered for me a moment later. "Fourth! Come here," Asuka demanded
when she remembered I was standing there. She gestured to the spot on the other side of Rei. "Have you ever
read this?"
"Not really," I replied. "I read bits and pieces of it one time off the Internet."
"It should be experienced in full to be appreciated," Rei commented.
"As with everything," I agreed. Asuka watched as Rei looked at me, then nodded once definitively.
"I heard you two already had a run-in," Asuka said to Rei and me. I nodded a little nervously, and was
sure a huge sweatdrop was forming on the back of my head.
"Yes, actually," I acknowledged. "By the way, Ayanami, sorry for, um.. the other day."
"There is nothing to apologize for," she said plainly, looking directly at me. After a long moment, in which
I stared back with a surprised expression, she looked back down at the book.
There it was. I wasn't being shunned as I'd thought. It was just Rei's personality, even odder than I'd
expected.
"What?" Asuka was asking. "What happened 'the other day'?"
"Oh, nothing much," I said dismissively. "We happened across one another in the Cage, and I kind of.."
I trailed off as Rei put the book away and stood up, walking away from us. Asuka picked up on my
confusion and said, "Hey! First Child! Where are you going?"
Rei said, without turning around, "Classes are beginning," and kept on going.
I stood up quickly, and Asuka followed me at a more casual pace. "Wow," she murmured. "That is
amazing."
"What is?" I asked.
"Her, Fourth," Asuka said, nodding towards Rei. "I finally met someone weirder than you."
Chapter Nine: Second Chances
School was uneventful as usual, at least for the first period and part of the second. We had study hall in
second period, which was intended as a quiet time to actually study, and hadn't yet dissolved into the free-for-all
common in Western schools. As I was sitting at my desk, Japanese language lesson playing out on the
notebook PC through my earphones, I thought I heard something soft from in my book bag. I paused the lesson
and pulled out one of the earphones.
Brrrmm.
There it was again. I realized after a second it was the mobile phone that Misato had 'issued' me. It was
ringing silently, in vibrate mode. Who's calling me at a time like this? I wondered.
Before I could reach out to get it, I heard the vibrating noise from two other places. Out of the corner of
my eye, Shinji all but jumped out of his seat, lunging for his own bag, and Rei slowly, methodically picked up her
bag and stood.
Asuka's phone was not on vibrate, of course, and instead twittered a shrill set of notes. It occurred to me
what this was - a summoning of the Eva pilots, for another Angel attack. As I was standing, Asuka was too,
proudly and with a smug expression. Of course, I thought. She'd never put her phone on vibrate in public, where
she'd miss the chance to broadcast to everyone in earshot that she was being called to duty.
"Have a good day in school, everyone!" Asuka said in an all but teasing tone. I filed after her silently, my
face as red as my hair, embarrassed for my friend's actions. Shinji had risen beside me and followed me out,
with Rei, in the back row, patiently waiting her turn and joining us.
"Real classy, Asuka," I told her once we were in the hall.
"Oh, hush," she dismissed my comment. "You know as well as I do that every one of them envies us and
wishes they were coming too."
Maybe they should have a seat in an Eva and see how they feel after that, I didn't add.
The transit to NERV was otherwise swift and uneventful. Asuka and Shinji, after changing, were taken
elsewhere, and Rei and I were sent to the Cages.
"Where are Evas 01 and 02?" I asked as I was preparing to climb into the entry plug.
"Sent ahead to the shore via ABLEs," my helper tech told me. "I think you're here standing by as
backup."
Oh. I don't know why I felt ripped off at that point. All I was likely to do on my first true battle on Japanese
soil was stand in a launch cage and listen. Listen to a failing battle, I reminded myself, as I remembered the next
Angel and the initial outcome. I just hoped Shinji and Asuka didn't get hurt.
By that time, the entry plug was flooding, and I had to go through my startup procedures. As Sangouki
came alive around me, so to speak, I had the chance to ask over the comm unit: "Is Rei standing by with me?"
"Unit 00 is not yet ready for reactivation," Ritsuko Akagi's voice came over the link. "You are solo at this
point."
"Understood," I said. So why did you suit her up, then? I wondered. After a moment of contemplation,
the answer came to me. If I was somehow unable to sync, or if Shinji or Asuka were recalled for some fault other
than the Eva, Rei would take my or their place. It felt cold and hard, but it was the truth.
I turned my attention to the video display from the mobile command plane, MC-01, as Misato and a
handful of staff flew over the projected combat area, preparing to trigger the ABLEs to drop Shinji and Asuka into
the battle zone as soon as it was cleared.
I was so engrossed in watching the preparations on-screen, that I barely registered the Cage dock being
moved into position at the launch shaft. By all indications, the planes were nearing the spot where they'd drop
the Evas and the operation would begin.
I found myself hoping this fight would, like the last one, go differently than I 'remembered', and I didn't
know why that was. It wasn't like Shinji or Asuka were going to get injured - other than pride-wise - in the next
few minutes. It would possibly narrow the friendship gap between them if the coming week happened as I
thought it would.
And I wouldn't have - wouldn't get - to fight either half of the Angel.
Is that it? I wondered. Is it simply a case of me being selfish?
I was distracted from my introspection by Asuka hollering and Shinji shouting in protest. Looking up, I
saw that they were already on the ground, fighting the Angel - or at least beginning the assault. Asuka leapt from
building to building in the abandoned, drowned town at the shoreline, carrying a long, thin staff with a blade on
the tip. I would say 'giant' blade, but that invokes to me the image of those ridiculous swords some anime
characters carry; this was only about the size of a prog knife blade, grafted on the end of the staff. Giant? In
terms of human size, yes. But just a little blade when it comes to an Eva.
Still, Asuka managed to slice the Angel completely in half. I wanted to call out, to urge her to get back,
but I didn't like the idea of being questioned for days or longer at Ikari - or worse, SEELE's hands - as to how I
knew something was up. I looked at the two halves as they sat there shuddering, wondering if they would have
been destroyed if Asuka's first shot had cleft the core in half instead of glancing off it. Then, Israfel grew into its
two parts, and each Eva had their own foe to fight.
I often wondered how the battle could have been so lopsided; we were never shown in the series what
actually happened. In fact, Asuka started by swinging the great blade again, hoping to do to her half the same
she'd done to the whole. (I had visions of 32, then 64, then 128 little Israfels scurrying around the shoreline, but
put it out of my head quickly.) It deflected her with its AT Field handily.
Shinji, meanwhile, was charging at the other half, ready to tear it to pieces with his prog knife. He, too,
was repelled by the AT Field, and try as he might, his Eva couldn't break through, much as I knew it had with
Sachiel.
Then, in a swift moment, 01 was thrown backwards by a blast from the Angel's AT Field, sent
cartwheeling through the sky, umbilical severed. It landed with a mighty splash in the ocean, embedding itself in
the sea bed.
"Deploy Unit 03," I heard Fuyutsuki bluntly say. I had enough time to realize, Hey! That's me! when
suddenly the launch system kicked in. The force of the last dozen roller coasters I'd ever ridden, all combined
into one, sent my lungs, heart, and all my other organs down against my pelvis, the incredible G-forces shoving
me deep into the padded, contoured seat of the entry plug. After a few moments, acceleration decreased and
speed became constant, and I had a few seconds' smooth, effortless ride to the top of the rails, coming out in the
middle of a deserted intersection of Tokyo-3.
"Unit 03," Akagi called out. "Maintain position in the city and prepare to defend against inland attack."
"Yes, ma'am," I responded. I had no inkling of how far away the shoreline where the battle had been
taking place was, and if I had thirty minutes or thirty seconds between the Angel departing there and getting to
me. I carefully stepped through the streets, making my way towards what I figured was the most sensible
location.
As I walked, I followed paths that I knew - paths that I took to school and to NERV and so on, on a
regular basis. Going past my local convenience store - or where it would be, if it hadn't sunken into the ground
with most of the rest of the city, I hmm'ed. Out of milk, I recalled. Need to pick some up on the way home.
I tried not to burst out laughing at how absurd that thought was. Smirking, I picked up my pace and got to
the city's edge, climbing one of the hills that hemmed this end in, and sighted across the expanse of land.
"Unit 02 has been defeated," a tech reported. I snapped my gaze to the local feed from that region and
saw Asuka's Nigouki, feet-up, buried in the soft earth near the shore. Apparently she had suffered a similar fate
to Shinji.
"Are they all right?" I asked worriedly, even though I probably knew the answer.
"Recovery is in progress," Fuyutsuki responded. "Maintain your position."
"Roger," I acknowledged. I searched for the Angel, both on my own screens and the sub-screens
feeding me information from the shore, but it was gone. "Negative contact on the Angel," I reported.
"Targets have moved inland," Hyuga called out excitedly. "Moving towards Lake Ashi."
"Make sure Unit 03 remains in the city. Don't let her go after it," Fuyutsuki said in a strained tone.
"Confirm, Unit 03," a tech at Central Dogma said.
"Confirmed," I sighed. "I'm staying put."
There was silence on the line for a minute or two as people conferred away from the mikes (or so I
presumed). Ultimately, Fuyutsuki was on the air again. "Do we have any solution that Unit 03 could reasonably
be expected to accomplish?"
"Negative, sir," Dr. Akagi replied. "There's no chance of results with one against two."
"Pull her back. Relinquish command to the UN."
"Yes, sir," came the deflated response from Ritsuko. "Jill? Return via path 4 immediately."
"Understood," I replied. Backing up along the escape route, which doubled back to help me manage the
umbilical cable, I watched military units start swarming in as if they had been waiting in the wings. The rotorless
helicopter-type VTOL crafts zoomed in, planes started approaching, and ground vehicles streamed towards the
area southwest of town via roads and backcountry alike.
Arriving at the elevator, I turned around to let the shoulder pylons mate with the launch/retrieval rails,
and saw a craft drop something towards the Angel's two halves, which were marching together across a ridge.
Oh, great, I said to myself. Lot of good that'll do.
Just before I descended below the surface, on the way back down to the Geofront, the N2 bomb
exploded, shaking the earth and expanding upward in a blinding blast. The rumbling continued as I slowly slid
down the shaft, and I hoped no one was caught in the explosion; even though it was non-nuclear, it was a
powerful detonation.
It took an hour or so to get retrieved, disembarked, and cleaned up. At that point, it was lunch time;
however, I wanted to know if Shinji and Asuka were okay.
I couldn't find any signs of them, but shortly after I started looking, I found Ryoji Kaji strolling about.
"You look lost," he said.
I thought about my options for a moment, then said, "I'm looking for the other pilots."
"They're busy getting chewed out," he said with a faint smile. "The Vice Commander is not impressed."
"He sounded pretty stressed out during the fight," I acknowledged with a nod.
"They aren't in much trouble," he said. "Just a little verbal dressing-down for their response, and sent
home to think about it."
"What about the Angel?" I asked, wondering if he'd already formulated his supposed plan.
"It does seem to be a challenge, doesn't it?" the multiple-agent said. "What's your opinion?"
I shrugged. "Two cores, which I presume regenerate their respective part of the Angel."
"Evidently," Kaji agreed. "How much would you like to bet that they operate simultaneously, in some
fashion, as well?"
Why are you sharing all this with me? I wondered. It seemed atypical of how a secret agent would act,
and especially how I expected Kaji to be. Playing along, I said, "Are you implying they have to be defeated at the
exact same moment?"
"I'm not implying anything," he replied, coming back towards the conduct I'd expected of him. "But that is
an interesting theory."
"It makes sense, I think. Considering the duality of the Angel."
"Quite," Kaji agreed with me. He lifted up a hand and fiddled with a Memory Stick in it, tapping it against
his leg a few times.
"What's that?" I asked, knowing full well what it was - at least, if things went as I expected.
"Oh, just some data," he said dismissively. "And I really probably should deliver it soon. However, before
I go.." He put a coin in the vendor in front of him, the machine obediently disgorging a can of juice, and he held it
out to me. "Have a drink on me."
I took it without realizing that Kaji was probably flirting with me on some level. "Thanks," I said with a
smile, taking the drink and popping it open. The cold fluid was welcome and helped reduce the taste and smell of
the LCL.
"Of course, milady," Kaji said with a bow and a flourish, and it was only then that I realized what he was
up to. Blushing heavily, I tried to just nod and smile and watch him go.
I went home from there, running - not walking - down the same streets I'd traversed in my Eva just hours
before. I shouldn't have to explain why I felt vulnerable and endangered that afternoon; knowing there was an
Angel in the vicinity, and what it was capable of - namely, defeating two Evas in seconds - I didn't really feel like
wandering around too much. Of course, being in a building provided only marginally more security than standing
outside, so I tried not to worry too much; besides, it was highly unlikely that the Angel would come after the pilots
directly.
Maybe it will this time around, I mused to myself over supper. Things have already changed.
As I mentioned already, I tried not to dwell on it too much. It was something I couldn't control or change,
and my goal was to get myself to stop obsessing over such things. In an attempt to distract myself onto another
subject, I came to realize that it was the fifth of September.
Of course. Israfel attacks first, and the successful response comes six days later, on the 11th.
September 11, as you should know if you've been reading from the outset, holds special meaning for
me. That is, special meaning in Jack's reality. As Jill, 9/11 had other special meaning, but almost as far to the
opposite as could be imagined.
On 9/11, I turn 14, I reminded myself.
I honestly didn't know how I felt about that.
Monday was the seventh, and I headed to school alone. I hadn't bothered to drop in on my neighbors all
weekend, suspecting they were busy with the plan Kaji had presumably given Misato. I didn't want to intrude, but
I also didn't want to be a fair weather friend. I vowed to myself that I would visit at least once during the week to
provide some moral support.
"Jill," Hikari said, perching on my desk in the break between first and second period. "Where's Asuka?"
"Oh," I said with a little surprise, having been deep in the above thoughts at the moment. "I haven't seen
her since Saturday," I admitted.
"Since the attack?" Hikari inquired, and I nodded. My mind was distracted again for a moment at the
class rep's frankness about the situation. She always behaves like she's got her head wrapped around this
thing, I told myself. She'd probably make a great pilot.
"She's okay, isn't she?" Hikari asked with a worried tone. "I mean, I heard it didn't end well.."
"Oh! No, no, she's fine," I said with a smile, trying to laugh away the fear that was on my friend's face.
"They both are. They're at home.. I think, preparing for the next time that thing comes back."
"Both?"
"Her and Ikari," I said. "They both got shut down by that thing."
"And you didn't?" Hikari said, leaning down closer to me. "How?"
"Oh.. I was ordered not to ..um.." I said, cutting off my explanation. "Hikari, it just occurred to me I maybe
shouldn't be giving you too many explicit details. I know it's a stupid rule, but.."
"It's okay," she said after a moment. "I understand. Can you tell me this, though - will it be okay if I visit
her?"
"I'm sure," I nodded, smiling. "I bet she'd like that."
"Good. After school today, then?"
"Don't see why not," I shrugged.
"Good. Before I forget, then, here are the printouts for both her and Ikari."
"What?" I said, as I accepted the stack of papers. "Why give them to me?"
Hikari adopted one of those looks normally reserved for Suzuhara. "Well, you are coming with me, aren't
you? To see your friend?"
"Eheh," I sweatdropped. "Silly me. Of course I am." Wow, she sure can be scary. No 'probably' about it.
She'd be a killer pilot.
And so, that afternoon, the four of us - Aida and Suzuhara too, unbeknownst to us till the last moment
(well, supposedly) - paid a visit to the Katsuragi household.
I tried to act surprised and/or amused at the goings-on, and the attire - seeing Shinji in a tight dance
leotard was pretty funny, despite the fact he wore a plugsuit in my 'eyeshot' almost all the time. At the same time,
I was also thinking, Better you than me, guys. I didn't trust my abilities to manage a synchronized attack quite
yet, and the humiliation of dancing in front of a roomful of my friends would be a mortal blow compared to
anything I could face from an Angel.
Of course, they were practicing using a strange contraption that appeared to be a cross between a pair
of Twister mats and a DDR game. To tell you the truth, Shinji wasn't as bad as the show made him out to be, nor
was Asuka as insufferable - but I think you probably have come to learn that over the course of reading this. That
isn't to say that they didn't have their moments, of course; at one particular point, Shinji cramped up and fell
over, and Asuka turned and kicked him so hard I thought I heard bones cracking.
"Again," Misato said, clapping her hands. It was surreal; it was almost as if she was a dance teacher or a
choreographer. I almost expected her to sigh and snap, "This will not do, people! Once more, from the top."
The lot of us - Kensuke, Toji, Misato, myself, and Hikari, along with Pen 2 in the latter's lap, were seated
in a semi-circle around a low table in the living room, snacking and trying to cheer on our comrades.
You may notice that Rei was absent from that roll call. I certainly did; I was concerned what was going to
happen when Asuka declared Shinji unfit to be paired with her. Would Misato call on me to take the German's
place?
Hikari giggled beside me, distracting me from my thoughts. She was skritching Pen 2's belly, and he was
leaning back against her for all he was worth, enjoying every moment of it. She noticed me reacting to her
laughter, and smiled at me. "He's so cute," she declared.
"He's a pest," I shot back good-naturedly. "All he does with me is mooch for food."
"You brought that on yourself by bringing treats whenever you visit, Jill," Misato contributed with a smile.
"Ach! Baka!" Asuka shrieked, trying to punt Shinji once again. "In the same spot, even!"
"Have you considered slowing your tempo to accommodate him?" Misato asked, with that odd smile she
occasionally wore, which made you feel as if she was pissed off at you but was too cool to show it.
"Why should I have to drop to his level?!" Asuka shot back. "I'm not the one who's faulting every time!"
"Yeah, you are," Toji pointed out in his blunt manner. "The goal's to be in sync, not to get 100 on the
meter. Right, Miss Misato?"
"Very astute, Mr. Suzuhara," Misato said, this time with just a regular smile. She had to hold up a hand
to squelch a protest from Asuka. "Asuka, don't forget that the ultimate outcome has to be a simultaneous strike
on the two cores. It's good to get a hundred percent on the meter, but what's more important is to be in time with
your partner to the very last beat."
The (other) redheaded pilot stewed for a moment, and I thought that maybe she would storm off, but that
didn't come. She clenched her fists once or twice, then sighed and returned to the mat. "Fine," she bit out.
"Reset the verdammt thing."
"Go for it, Asuka," Hikari said. "You too, Shinji."
Shinji just nodded, crouching down to focus on his moves. They kept to their pace, as they had before,
and in a few moments, the trouble spot was approaching.
"Ganbatte," Hikari muttered under her breath beside me. I shared the emotion, if not the uttering.
The tension in the room evaporated as the duo breezed through the trouble spot without a hitch. The
moves kept flashing on the pads, and Asuka glanced over to Shinji at one point, who returned to her a positive,
upbeat look - one of gratefulness and hope, if I had to define it.
"All right!" Misato cheered. "This is going to work."
They elected to take a break after overcoming that particular hurdle, and Asuka went to the kitchen for a
soda. Hikari joined her, the penguin waddling behind; Misato went to the washroom; and Toji and Kensuke
stayed back to needle Shinji.
Normally, I would've joined the other girls in the kitchen, but I had an idea, a suggestion that'd come to
me after watching Shinji and Asuka go through the same routine 11 times. I stood up, walking over to the pads,
and headed for the one Asuka had vacated.
"Uh.. Jill?" Shinji said, stopping his conversation with the other guys to stare at me.
"I noticed something on that last run," I told Shinji. "Humor me for a moment, will you? Reset the system
and follow my lead."
"Are you sure?"
"Sure I'm sure," I said with a smile, hoping the school uniform skirt wouldn't trip me up. "Get ready."
And so, without actually intending to, I took Rei's place in the evening's activities, compared to how I
'remembered' things. I was talking while Shinji and I were stepping and slapping the circles on the mats, pointing
out the hiccup I thought he was having that had been the cause of the earlier trouble. He tried my suggestion
and found that it helped him, marginally; then he fell silent and stopped, causing the machine to error out. I was
confused at first, then realized he was looking out towards the rest of the room..
..where everyone had returned, standing and staring at me and Shinji working together on the routine.
"Eep," I said, blushing fiercely yet again. I was lost for words otherwise.
"My, my," Misato said with amusement. "Perhaps my initial pairing was off the mark."
Oh, no. You did not just say that. "I'm not any good," I stammered, trying to squirm out of what I'd gotten
into. "I just saw something I thought I could improve on.."
The look I was getting from Asuka made me wince. Okay, that was not the right thing to say either.
"Asuka.." Shinji said. "Come on, let's try again." Clearly, he was trying to defuse the situation in his own
way. "I'm pretty sure I've got this now."
"No thanks," she responded icily. "How about you try it with your new partner instead!" With that, she
stalked towards her room and slammed the door, bouncing it off the jamb halfway open again.
Now we're in familiar territory, I said to myself, frowning.
Hikari glared at Shinji, somehow trying to pin the blame on him. I didn't know what to think. It was all
wrong. Instead of having an irreconcilable fault in their routine, the pair had overcome their rough spot and
everything was supposed to be good. Then I got involved, and screwed everything up.
And pissed off your best friend, too, I reminded myself unnecessarily.
I went over to the door and pulled on my shoes. Misato began to protest. "Jill.."
"I think I should go home," I said softly. "Thank you for having me over."
The room remained silent as I left, save for the musical tones generated as Shinji walked off his mat and
headed for Asuka's bedroom door. I let myself out and went the one door down to my apartment, going inside
and leaning against the door when I'd shut it, closing my eyes and sighing dejectedly.
At least he's going after her. I didn't know how things were going to turn out, but I was damned if I was
going to involve myself in screwing it up any further than it already had been.
The next day, after school, I was leaning against the rail of my balcony, earphones jammed firmly into
my ears, playing music on the portable player, partially to entertain myself, and partially to avoid hearing the
same music over and over again from the neighboring suite. Whether the latter was because I was tiring of it, or
because it reminded me of my blunder, I didn't know.
While I was immobile there, studying intently for no good reason a gull that was perched on a building
further down into the city, someone pulled my right earphone out. I stayed put, recognizing, despite the sweat
and such, the scent of one Asuka Langley Sohryu.
An impressed sound left her lips. "Rammstein," she said. "Gute wahl."
I turned to her, halting the playback. "Some of my favo--"
"Ach! Don't shut it off!" she said, with a scowl at me, the earphone pressed against the side of her head.
I quickly reversed the last action, resuming the music.
"Uh.. sorry?" I hazarded. "Should you be even listening to this?" I was concerned she'd upset her
momentum in the battle training.
"Bah," she dismissed me with a wave of her hand. "I can only tolerate that stupid tune for so long,
anyway." She smiled at me. "You were saying?"
"Uh.. oh, yeah," I said, catching my brain up. "Engel's one of my favorites."
"Good song," she nodded. "Kinda fitting, too."
"Of course," I grinned, envisioning the fourth wall being smashed down by Nigouki in my mind. Changing
the subject, I said, "So, um.. sorry about last night.."
"What? Oh, shut up, Fourth!" Asuka said jokingly as she realized what I meant. "I know you didn't mean
anything by it. And as you can tell, I'm carrying on with it."
"That's good," I admitted. At least I hadn't ruined a friendship after all.
"Although," Asuka said with a sly smile, "Misato wants to see you after supper."
I didn't ask Asuka what Misato wanted me for. Anyone with half a clue would be able to see 'what for'
coming a mile away, or at least several paragraphs up.
So I made sure I was in a T-shirt and shorts when I arrived around six-thirty PM, and Misato grinned
upon seeing my choice of attire. "Good," was her greeting. "How are you tonight?"
"Nervous," I admitted. "I have no business taking part in this."
"Nonsense!" Misato argued. "I'll be the judge of that. Just act naturally and we'll see what you can do."
She wagged a finger at me mock-accusingly. "And no deliberately messing up!"
"Right," I sweatdropped, and stepped inside. The chirps and beeps of the quasi-DDR machine came to
me as I closed the door and shed my shoes. Inside, Shinji and Asuka were again practicing part of their routine.
"Ah! She's here," Asuka said, halting her progress and causing the machine to error out. Shinji stopped
short upon hearing the buzzer in his headphones, and looked up.
"Time for a break for me," Asuka gloated at him. "But you get to teach the rookie. Good luck, Third!"
"Hello, Jill," Shinji said, greeting me politely.
"Hi," I said with a smile. "Please go easy on me."
"You'll be fine," Misato dismissed my comments. "Just say when you're ready."
I have to admit I impressed myself with my prowess. I hit all the marks on their routine up until about the
two-thirds point, and then we had to restart. Asuka provided some friendly needling while she sat there drinking
an orange juice, watching us.
I started over again, trying to do well, but at the same time, unsure what Misato's game plan was. She
already had two trained, prepared pilots in Shinji and Asuka. I hoped I wasn't going to replace one of them - I
was of the opinion that the battle was something that solidified their relationship quite a bit, and I had to admit I
was rooting for them.
Or maybe was Rei going to show up any moment and pair up with me? Unlikely. Zerogouki was still
needing significant repair, so I was led to believe - I didn't have any access to it and frankly hadn't seen it since I
got to Japan.
"Watch the hard bit coming up," Asuka said, kind of in a teasing tone. I didn't reply, but focused hard on
the pace and hitting all the marks. A little bit of luck evidently carried me through, because I didn't hear the error
tone and we kept on going.
"Okay, that'll be enough," Misato said after a few more runs through the exercise. "Everybody take a
break."
Shinji headed into the kitchen to get a drink, offering to get me one as well. I thanked him and asked for
a Coke, heading over to the table to join Asuka and Misato.
"So what was the point of this, anyway?" I asked the NERV tactical expert bluntly. "The Angel only splits
into two, not three, and you've got your two." I pointed to Asuka while simultaneously jerking a thumb towards
the kitchen behind me.
"Your purpose is twofold," Misato said, nursing a beer. "For one thing, if one or the other can't go on, for
any reason, you're to take over."
"Understudy," I murmured, smiling.
"Fat chance you'll be needed!" Asuka snapped, half-jokingly. "We've got this down pat."
"Which brings me to part two of the reason. Or technically, part one," Misato said. "Because of the speed
and complexity of the routine, and the uncertain nature of where the Angel will take things, the Evas' umbilicals
can't be used. And Evas 01 and 02 will be at maximum power for the duration of the fight, so they are only going
to have 70 seconds of usable battery life. We want to make the most of that time, so they can be fighting the
Angel's split form for the whole 70 seconds."
With that last comment, I started to see where she was headed. "So I'm bait, to attack the Angel and
split it into its component halves."
"Essentially," Misato said with a nod and a grin.
"This is hardly necessary," Asuka challenged. "Shinji and I can defeat it on our own."
"That's quite likely," Misato went on, with that same firm smile and tone, as she was when her battle
intelligence shone through. "But we don't operate on likelihood. I'd rather have a margin for error."
'We don't operate on likelihood'? Like hell you don't, I kept to myself. I remembered the line in the anime
where Ritsuko said there was a 0.0000000001% chance of activating Shogouki, and in fifteen minutes, she was
up and running with Shinji aboard.
"Won't it be harder to split, now?" I asked. "I mean, it's expecting that already now that Asuka did it the
first time. So what if it deploys its AT Field?"
"You just have to negate it with your own," Misato answered simply.
I looked to Shinji, as he returned from the kitchen. "What do you think?" I asked him.
He seemed caught off guard by my question, and unsure of how to reply. Finally, he said, "I think you
should do it. From what I've heard from Misato, you are more than capable, and I'm looking forward to working
together."
"Gah," Asuka said, and began making gagging noises. I thought for a moment she was choking, and my
first-aid instincts from my past life started coming to the fore - until I realized she was reacting to Shinji's words to
me.
"Jealous?" I smirked at her. This resulted in even more sounds of repulsion.
"All right, enough," Misato said. "It's settled. The plan will be for Jill to launch first, and take on the Angel
until it splits; then Shinji and Asuka will follow in and finish it off. Understood?"
"Got it," I nodded, trying to mask the nervousness I felt in the pit of my stomach.
"Yes," Shinji and Asuka stereoed. It was then that I recalled how in 'sync' they were supposed to be this
whole week. I found myself surprised that they hadn't been speaking in tandem for the whole night.
"So when is this going to happen?" I asked, trying to keep my mind on the important subject.
"The 11th," Misato said. "Friday."
"Friday?" Shinji blinked. "But that's--"
He was stopped with a scowl from both Misato and Asuka. I'd been thinking he was going to say it was
my birthday, but that seemed ridiculous. First, how would he know, unless he'd been poking around in my
personal file? Second, why would it matter? Saving the world certainly took higher precedence than marking off
another year or the calendar. In fact, my birthdays had long taken a back seat to the rest of my life. Working shift
work as I did for so long as a firefighter, even 'important' holidays like Christmas were often pushed aside to
make room for work.
"Friday will be just enough time," Asuka declared. "We need to bring the Fourth up to speed on the
whole game plan, and fine-tune our own moves. It'll be perfect. This is going to work."
"Good attitude," Misato grinned. "I want to keep hearing that all the way through."
Despite being now involved in the action, I still had to go to school - at least until Wednesday. I was to
get Thursday off to prepare, and Friday for obvious reasons. My days were filled with 'learning', so to speak, and
collecting printouts and other such stuff to hand over to my fellow pilots who spent all their time practicing.
I'm not sure which of us had the better deal, truth be told. School wasn't as much of a cake walk as I'd
expected it to be - and maybe part of that was that I had to translate everything from Japanese into English in
order to 'breeze through' the stuff I'd learned almost two dozen years before in Jack's life. Then again, I was
learning the language quite well, and picking up some things I'd either forgotten or never learned in the first
place - and not all of that was related to the world after Second Impact being different from the one I grew up in.
Thursday night came, and as we had for the rest of the week, Asuka and I secretly met on our respective
balconies. I offered up one earphone from my music player and treated the German to some vintage Def
Leppard, which she seemed to tolerate fairly well.
"So," she said after a few moments of silence between us. "Nervous?"
"Hell yes," I blurted out, adding sarcastically, "I didn't know it was so noticeable."
"You practically reek of it," Asuka giggled, turning serious after that. "What's the matter? We've got your
back."
"I know," I shrugged. "It's just.. I expect the thing to have learned from its tussle with you, and to parry
every attempt I make at splitting it. And I worry that I'll suffer a fate far worse than getting stuffed into a field
head-first," I added, referring to Asuka's earlier demise.
"Trust me, there's little that tops that," she said wryly. "Seriously, though, you know what to do. If plan A
doesn't work, fall back to plan B."
"And if plan B bites the dust?"
"Improvise," she answered simply. "I know you can do it. You think quick on your feet, Fourth. Anyone
can tell that from observing you. Just apply it to piloting your Eva."
"I'll try," I promised. "I hope I don't let you guys down."
"Don't even let that thought get on the radar," Asuka said, shaking her head. "No negatives!
Understood?"
"Okay," I said after a moment, smiling.
We sat and listened to the music for a bit, watching the starry night scroll past. Then, a question, out of
the blue.
"Why do you do it?"
I turned to look at Asuka. "Say again?" I asked her.
"Why do you pilot Eva?" she said, turning to face me as well.
"Oh.. I, um.." For such a simple question, and one I really should have been expecting if I'd thought
about things, I was sure having trouble coming up with an answer. "Because.. I.. I guess because I like to think
that doing it helps people in some way. Do you know what I mean? I always thought I might like to be a medic or
a rescuer when I grow up. When they told me about Eva and what its purpose was, and offered me the chance, I
guess I figured it was the closest I was going to get to doing good things for others."
Asuka thought on that for a moment, then gave a slight chuckle. "Just like you, Fourth, to say something
weird like that."
"It is not weird!" I shot back. "It's sincere, and it's how I feel--"
"Oh, I know, don't get me wrong," she cut me off, smiling at me. "It's just that.. well.. do you want to know
why I pilot Eva?"
"Sure," I said, nodding, though I figured I knew what I was going to hear.
Asuka took a moment to answer, just as I had. "I do it because it's what I'm good at. It's what I was
meant to do. Somehow I know that deep inside me. Ever since I was a little girl, it's been my dream. To show
everyone how.. to prove that I can.." She stopped and laughed a little. "Dammit, your answer makes me sound
so selfish."
"It's not," I hastily responded. "You're not. This is one of those cases where there is no wrong answer.
Whatever you do, whyever you do it, that's not right or wrong.. it just is. And nobody has the right to tell you
different, or take that away from you."
Asuka smiled a little and nodded, looking out over the darkened cityscape. "I wasn't expecting a pep talk
from you," she said softly.
"Sorry," I found myself apologizing. I hadn't expected to give it until much, much later, actually.
"Don't be sorry - geez, you sound like Shinji now," she said with disgust, which I couldn't tell if it was
legitimate or not.
"I'd apologize for that, but.." I said with a smirk.
She laughed again. "Gute! At least you're learning." She stood up and returned the earphone to me.
"Thanks again for this. See you in the morning, Jill."
"Have a good night, Asuka," I replied, shutting off the music and turning to go back to my own place.
If I told you I slept much that night, I'd be lying. I tried more than once to tell myself that it was no big
deal; that I'd already fought an Angel and won, so going after this one would be old hat, so to speak. Somehow,
my subconscious wasn't having any of that. I don't know what I expected to happen, but I wasn't feeling like
anything good would come of the fight.
I did manage to get some time asleep, though, even if it was restless; luckily, no wild dreams plagued
me (at least, none that I remembered). At 0800 hours, my alarm chirped to wake me up, but I was already lying
there awake, staring at the ceiling.
As I reached over to switch the alarm off, I tried one last time to put all my worries and fears behind me,
and start the day fresh, with a definitively upbeat mood. I was able to shove aside the sense of dread, but the
butterflies still flitted about inside me as I mechanically went through my morning routines, exercising and getting
breakfast. I skipped getting into my school uniform, of course, and truth be told, skipped the shower as well,
considering I'd be getting one in the afternoon - so long as I survived that long.
Stop that.
My mind obeyed my thoughts for the moment, allowing me to butter my toast and eat it in peace. I
chewed on the breakfast while I stood at the sliding glass window of the balcony, looking out over the early
morning city. It was in what I was calling "Battle Mode" - with the buildings descended into the Geofront - and
there were no people about, the "city council" - NERV, in all reality - having declared a local state of emergency.
I wonder if this could be easier to take if I saw examples of what I was here to protect, I said to myself. It
was a silly thought; the concept that having civilians around to see the results of my actions was just a byproduct
of the kind of work I did, and had done, for ages. Gratification from outside sources comes rarely in the
emergency services, so it's a nice reward when someone outright appreciates it. And I'm sure that's what my
mind wanted out of Tokyo-3 at the moment; even just a sign that people were aware of the threat and backed
our plans to deal with it, would be welcomed.
Finishing the morning meal, I decided to just get moving and leave myself no room for introspection. So,
clad in a tank top and skirt (due to the already-sweltering heat of the day), I began the walk towards the
Geofront.
Shinji and Asuka weren't in their place and I didn't happen across them on my way to the Cages. Misato,
I knew, had spent the entire night at NERV, preparing for the day's events. Left to my thoughts as I headed in, I
tried to go over various options on how I might accomplish my task of splitting the Angel into two. Realistically, it
shouldn't be hard at all - the creature banked on splitting up in order to overwhelm its attacker, didn't it? So it
would almost want me to be able to do it.
So that's why it's AT Field wasn't in place, I finally realized, thinking back to the original fight. I had the
easiest job of the entire mission, so it seemed. I had about as much usefulness to the whole thing as the pitcher
at a home run derby. Serve up a lazy, easy pitch so the main star of the show can put one into the upper deck.
No, I interrupted my own monologue. Don't think of it that way. Misato wanted you involved, and on
some level, so did you. You're an important part of the operation.
Spirits buoyed by my internal chit-chat, I finally had my upbeat mood on as I swiped my card through the
reader at HQ's entrance.
It took another ten minutes or so to get into my plugsuit and board the Eva.
"Good morning," a tired but eager Misato said as she appeared on an inset screen. "How do you feel?"
"Good morning," I responded politely, then answered her. "I'm ready. Let's do this."
"Good to hear," she replied. "Launch will be in 19 minutes."
I nodded, Still having not spotted Shinji or Asuka, I added, "Should I presume I'm being sent up alone,
first?"
"Yes," came the reply. "That's part of our tactics. If the Angel sees more than one target, it may not take
the bait. You have to present as the lone threat, so that it will allow itself to be split into two so it can do its divideand-conquer trick."
"Right," I said, smiling to myself. I felt a little triumph in having figured out the battle plan by myself.
Hopefully the Angel doesn't have the mental resources of a 30ish-year-old man turned 14-year-old girl, or we're
toast.
The Eva jolted into motion as the Cage structure began lurching its way towards the launch tube. As I
thought back on my last comment to myself, it occurred to me that it was the 11 th. It was my birthday. I was truly
14 now.
And no one had said anything, and none of my friends had been there to wish me well, either.
Oh well. I guess saving the world is more of a priority, though.
"Passageway 7 is green. Eva 03 is locked into position. Batteries charged; umbilical prepped at access
point 7-G-4," Hyuga reported.
"Make your first priority getting to that power conduit," Misato cautioned me. "It'll be behind you and to
your right. We don't want you to engage the Angel until you can be assured of having enough reserves to
complete your task."
"Of course," I agreed, nodding. "I'm ready."
"Status on Units 01 and 02?" Misato asked someone off-screen, getting a reply too low for me to hear.
She turned back to face me. "Ganbatte, Sangouki," she intoned, a brutally serious look on her face.
"Ja," I responded, which I realized long after the fact could have been taken two ways - one, in German,
as an affirmative response, or alternatively, in Japanese, as a casual 'See ya!'. (Yes, I know the pronunciations
are mildly different; let me have the benefit of the doubt, will ya?)
At the time, though, the launch system kicked in and I was crushed into my seat with the force of liftoff
once more. The oppressive downward force soon added a lateral component as I was shunted into diagonal
tunnels from time to time. I didn't understand the purpose of having crossovers and sideways movements in the
launch system - wouldn't a straight shot be more efficient?, I wondered - but it was not for me to ask, in any
case.
Coming to a shuddering stop at the top of the rails, at position 7-M-3 on the grid map that overlaid the
city virtually, I turned to locate the umbilical and plug in. It was housed in a six-story-tall box, a squat little thing
(in comparison to other structures) that most people would mistake for a windowless public utility building. I
guess, technically, it was, but not in the way people would think.
"Eva 03 under external power and ready," I declared after hooking up the umbilical link. As a side note,
you might be wondering why I'm not describing in detail the mental exchanges between myself and Sangouki as
I had in previous battles and hookups. The truth is, things were progressing to the point where words didn't do
the communication justice. The best I can do to describe it is to say that San accepted me with what seemed like
warmth and familiarity nowadays; there was still the occasional feeling of hesitation, reluctance, and so on, but
all in all, things were getting better.
"Roger," Misato answered me. "Angel is 17 miles away at bearing 340, still motionle--" She paused,
briefly. "Correction, Angel is heading your way, at walking pace."
"I'm ready," I said, refreshing my grip on the 'throttles', turning the Eva to face roughly north-northeast.
"Bring it on."
'Walking pace' kind of provided a false vision of how Israfel moved. Like some of the other Angels, this
one seemed to prefer propelling itself through the scenery by way of its AT Field, using it to kind of 'bounce' off
the ground, defying gravity for a time, over and over. It was certainly capable of crossing the distance between
me and it in one push; I had no idea why it was just doing little hops towards me at a slow pace. Perhaps it
thought it was toying with us, or maybe it wanted to draw me out into the hills, away from the city (and the Black
Moon beneath it), so it could defeat me there.
I'd picked up a bladed staff from one of the weapons-stores buildings on my way out of the urban part of
town, intent on copying Asuka's method of splitting the Angel. I had no other ideas for how to deal with it, so I
decided to go with a tactic I knew had worked in the past. I only hoped that the Angel would allow for it to work a
second time - I had visions of it adapting and blocking my attack, much like the Borg did in Star Trek so many
times.
That's a TV show, this is real life, I scolded myself, almost having to stop and laugh at myself for how
absurd that thought was, given the circumstances. Ultimately, I pressed on, cresting one hill and then another,
and suddenly finding myself facing off against the Angel, who was on the next peak over from me, with only a
creek-bed valley in between us.
"Confirm 01 and 02 are ready!" Misato called out as she saw me squaring off.
"In position in cages 2 and 5," came the response.
"Shinji, Asuka, she's at the Angel now. Once she begins fighting, we are going to start launching you.
We expect she will have the Angel split in two by the time you clear the launch shaft. It's imperative that you
begin the attack immediately upon getting topside."
"We know!" Shinji responded. "We'll finish the battle in 62 seconds."
Déjà vu washed over me as I remembered that line from 'before'. I mentally tuned out the comm chatter
while I studied my opponent, who in turn was staring back at me, waiting for me to make a move. At that point, it
dawned on me that nothing had been said of the fact that if any of the timing was off, I would be a sitting duck
after splitting the Angel, if the other two weren't there to engage it and distract it from finishing me.
Here's to hoping, then. "Eva 03 is beginning the attack," I declared abruptly, and rushed down into the
valley.
It was probably the wrong move, in retrospect, as I'd given up any chance of having the high ground. But
still, I was sort of expecting the Angel to make some concessions to me anyway, because of the tactics it
intended to employ.
I wonder if just lopping off a leg or an arm would do it? I said to myself as I charged up the other side of
the valley. The Angel almost looked as if it was tensing up, readying for my 'fatal' blow.
I kept expecting the moment where everything was going to screw up - where I was going to detect a
fatal flaw in the plan, or an unexpected twist in the Angel's tactics or design would show itself and I would have
to call for everything to abort. That moment never came; I used my altitude disadvantage to my benefit, doing an
underhanded chop with the staff, splitting Israfel with surprising ease, from bottom to top instead of the other way
around.
It looks weird seeing it still standing up like that, I found myself thinking, as I dumbly stood there
observing the cleft-in-two creature defying physics like it was in a Warner Brothers cartoon.
"Unit 03, back off!" Fuyutsuki bellowed. "Your work is done!"
That brought me back to reality, so to speak, and I did a tuck and roll backwards down into the creek
valley, standing back up to see the two halves regenerate their missing bits to again become two separate
physical entities. I started to back up the opposite slope again, when a shadow flicked over me. Before I had
time to react, Shogouki slammed into the creek with an earth-shuddering crash, landing deftly on a foot and a
knee, then lunging forward to attack one half of the Angel. A hundred or so feet away, Nigouki was doing the
exact same thing to the other part.
"Jill, retrieve a pallet gun from point 11-H-2 and stay close to the action," Misato said. "In case they need
help."
"Roger," I said, hurrying the short distance to the edge of town, where a building opened up to offer me
the Steyr-like assault rifle. I had no idea how much time had elapsed so far, but it couldn't take much longer
before everything would be over. On one hand, I was counting on that; on the other, I had to remind myself to
keep my guard up, in case the concert battle failed. I had to remind myself that things were not happening as I
'remembered', and I had no guarantees that everything would go smoothly.
"Any time you have a clear shot, take it!" Misato urged. "Drain the gun!"
I didn't respond to that, instead spraying fire across the surface of the nearest Angel, which happened to
be the one Shinji was fighting. It didn't occur to me at that point, but I would later be surprised that it didn't use or perhaps did use ineffectively - its AT Field. My shots went right into its hide (is 'hide' the proper term?), some
through and through. When Shinji drifted into my line of fire, I trained my shots over on the other half that was
Asuka's quarry.
"03's gun's dry," I reported when the ammunition ran out.
"Stand fast," Misato responded sharply. Both Angel halves were currently getting a roundhouse kick
from the respective Eva assailant, and it sent the two halves crashing back-to-back into one another, where they
merged back into one form.
Finish him! I urged in my mind, quoting an old video game, and smirking slightly. I watched as 01 and 02
did just that, leaping into the sky in perfect tandem, ballet-like in conduct and pose, and rammed their feet
squarely into Israfel's dual cores. The impact sent all three of them skidding across the countryside, finally
lurching to a stop in a valley not far from where it all began, barely a minute before.
The resultant explosion whited out my viewer, and I had to stay put for a moment before hazarding a
step forward into the unknown. As the brightness died down, I found exactly what I expected - two Evas
collapsed in a heap together. Unlike the comical routine in the anime, though, Asuka's ranting was being carried
across the entire comm net, the backup power for the entry plug providing the means.
Running over to them, I interrupted their squabble with a loud cough. "Did I come at a bad time?" I
teased, looking down on the entangled mess.
"Fourth! Get us out of this," Asuka half-snapped, half-pleaded.
"I don't know, I was kind of getting entertained," I quipped. To the Geofront, I directed, "Will the Eva
restart if I supply it with my umbilical?"
"Yes," Dr. Akagi responded. "Good thinking. Bring them back to Recovery Point 3, one at a time."
"Wilco," I replied. Ejecting the power adapter from my Eva, I picked it up and crouched down behind 02
first.
"Hey! Why does she get to go first?" I heard from Shinji, exhibiting a rare display of backbone.
"Because I can reach her external socket easier at this point," I responded. "Besides, the way you guys
are all tangled up, her Eva's hand is, well.. you don't want to know."
"Fourth!!" came a shriek of protest.
I simply plugged in the power and stood up, giggling madly. All the adrenaline was ebbing away, and the
side-effect was that I was excessively giddy. Glad to have been a part of a winning plan. Elated that nothing
went wrong as I had been fearing all week.
Happy to be alive.
"Well done, all three of you," Misato thought to add once I'd sent Asuka down the recovery shaft and was
dragging the cable back to Shinji - using it momentarily to 'top up' my own power, of course.
"You two were fantastic," I added.
"Th-thanks," Shinji said, as I crouched down beside his Eva.
"Was there ever any doubt?" Asuka said smugly.
I thought I could hear Misato or someone else sigh heavily at that response.
"Good job," Misato said, poking her head inside the locker room as Asuka and I got dressed.
"Danke, Misato!" Asuka said, pulling her dress on. "Fourth did well too."
"I meant both of you," the tactical commander said dryly.
"Thank you, Misato," I said, turning around to smile at her, while picking up my tank top to put back on.
"Don't thank me yet," she smiled. "I need both of you to be at our place at 1630."
"What? Why for?" Asuka asked.
"Debriefing," she replied. "New rules. Every time an Eva goes out, there will be a mandatory review of
the sortie."
"But at your place?" I questioned.
Misato grinned and winked. "Didn't say it couldn't be wrapped in a little fun. Casual wear is fine," she
responded, before disappearing out the door.
Asuka grumbled a little, under her breath, throwing things violently into her locker to punctuate the
occasional word. Switching to English, she said, "Mandatory review.. what a joke. We won, didn't we? Be
satisfied with that!"
"They feel the need to evaluate us, I guess," I shrugged, though I was disappointed at the non-optional
meeting too.
"Like it'll be any kind of evaluation," Asuka shot back, slamming her locker shut. "Misato will be pounding
back those weak-ass Japanese beers, and doing that ungodly shrieking after each one. Third Child will sit
silently and only speak when spoken to, and with my luck, Miss Perfect will be there too!"
It was the first time I'd heard Asuka use the nickname she'd picked derogatorily for Rei. "Miss Perfect?" I
echoed, as if I didn't know what it meant.
"First Child," Asuka said by way of explanation. I'd hoped she'd go into detail on what she disliked about
Rei, but instead, she picked up her bag and stalked for the door. "See you tonight, I guess. Don't be late."
I stood there half-dressed, staring after her for a long moment.
In retrospect, I should have seen it coming a mile away.
Somewhere in the back of my mind, perhaps, some part of me suspected what was going on.
That still didn't mean anything when I rang the PinPon at the Katsuragi household at 1628 that evening.
There was no response from within. I tried again, and again heard no reply. Remembering Asuka's
admonition to not be late, I decided to let myself in and wait for the others. Trying the door, I found it unlocked; it
slid aside with ease.
"Hello?" I called out, almost tripping over all the shoes in the entryway. "It's J--"
"Surprise!!" came a cacophony of voices, and I yelped, almost falling back out through the doorway.
Misato, Shinji, Asuka, Hikari, Aida, Suzuhara, and indeed Rei were assembled in the living room, all having just
cheered a greeting towards me as I entered the apartment. (Well, Rei didn't so much cheer as just stand up from
her hiding spot.)
It finally dawned on me at that point. I'd fallen for the oldest trick in the book. I'd walked in on a surprise
birthday party.
"Come on in, Jill!" Asuka said, hurrying over and grabbing my elbow, leading me to a place at one end of
the low table, which was laden with snacks - the stuff I'd seen Misato buying some days before. Two cakes sat
as centerpieces, both with fourteen candles on them.
"Hope you don't mind," Asuka told me as she was settling me in at the head of the table, "but you're
sharing your party with one of the stooges. Aida's birthday is tomorrow."
I looked up and realized Kensuke was sitting at the other end, with Misato to his left, Asuka's empty
position beside her, and Hikari (with Pen2) closest to me; to my left, Rei sat quietly, Shinji beside her, and Toji to
Kensuke's immediate right.
"Sugoi," I responded once I found my voice, lifting a plastic glass of pop towards Aida in a toast of sorts.
"Congratulations."
"And you," he nodded, smiling broadly.
"You had no idea, did you?" Hikari asked.
"Not at all," I said truthfully. "It hit me just about the time I was coming in the door."
"Less talking and more cake-cutting!" Suzuhara demanded, causing Kensuke to laugh and Hikari to
scowl, turning beet red.
"Easy, everyone!" Misato appealed for calm, rising up a little and making placating gestures. "Let the
birthday boy and girl blow out their candles first."
Swiftly, Misato lit the cakes' candles, and moved them into place in front of each of us. The group broke
into the traditional 'Happy Birthday' song, which surprised me, as I didn't think it was prevalent in Japanese
custom. I sat and stared at the fourteen miniscule flames, still a little bewildered at the whole ordeal. Finally, I
shut my eyes, made a wish, and drew in a breath.
The cake was being distributed, and I insisted on handing mine out myself. Simply by layout of the table,
Rei was the last - besides me - to get a piece. When I set it down, she responded with a soft thank you, which I
answered with a smile and a nod.
As I sat down again, fiddling with my skirt so it would cover me properly while I was kneeling at the
traditionally low Japanese table, I heard another quiet sentence from Ayanami: "Happy Birthday, pilot Thomson."
I turned to look at her, but her eyes were already down to the cake she was prodding at experimentally
with a fork.
"Thank you, Rei," I smiled, though even that didn't elicit another glance upwards from her.
Chapter Ten: Icebreaking
Some time passed after the birthday parties without anything notable happening. I have to confess that a
lot of it was a blur, as we were preparing for exams in school, and (even though I've already said it before) while
there were some courses of knowledge I could ace in my sleep, there were others in which I genuinely needed
study.
In between all of the so-called 'required' schoolwork lay various synchronization and harmonics tests, in
which I was steadily improving as well. I had no misconception that it was for any reason other than the fact that
I had developed a rapport of sorts with whatever soul was inside Sangouki. It's still something I can't adequately
describe in the printed word, but even without verbal communication, I had the feeling we were almost becoming
'friends'.
Speaking of friends, Asuka, Hikari, and I grew closer together, becoming as much of a trio as Shinji, Toji,
and Kensuke were. I feared at one point, watching Toji and Hikari go at it in a regular verbal sparring match, that
I might one day be expected to pair up with Aida; with all due respect to the boy, that never materialized. As I've
mentioned before, it's not that I disliked anything about him in specific, but I wasn't ready for any kind of
relationship at that point.
And then there was Rei. If I were to say she tolerated my presence, it would fit descriptively, but paint an
unfair picture of her personality and demeanor. For all intents and purposes, I, and others around her, were just
simply 'there' - at least, that's the feeling I got from her. There was no one special in her life, at least, not that I
could tell. Shinji, I had to wonder about, though, and for the first time since my initial exposure to the whole
Evangelion world (pre-Jill days included), I found myself not firmly entrenched in the Shinji-Asuka camp. I could
see benefits and positives for him and Rei getting together, despite what I thought I knew about her origins.
In any case, as the late summer went on, so did life, in what might have been construed as a semblance
of normalcy. A month or more transpired with nothing remarkable to report. I truly didn't remember what was
'supposed' to happen next; it'd been so long since I'd seen the anime that details were fading from memory.
Geez. It seems so weird saying that, now.. after all that's happened, and all I've experienced. It was the
undeniable truth, though; but of course I didn't dare share it with anybody. First of all, how would you react if
someone said they knew exactly what was going to happen in your future because they'd watched it on a
television show in a past life?
Sorry for getting off on a tangent there for a minute. I promise to try to avoid getting into that rut too
many more times. In any case, life went on, and for a while, I almost wondered if the Angels had given up, or if
the whole deal about Third Impact was just baloney, and things would die off with a whimper, with no grand
fanfare or majestic crescendo of drama.
Then the school trip was announced. I felt like I was vaguely drifting back over familiar territory as the
destination, Okinawa, was declared and the trip's details were divulged to the students. I remembered now;
Asuka and Shinji would go on a mission into a volcano, first to recover an as-yet-unhatched Angel, and then, as
things went on..
"Aren't you going to open it, Fourth?" Asuka said, nodding to the envelope on my desk with the
permission form and itinerary within. She already had hers open and was scanning over the schedule for things
to check off and plan to do.
"I get a bad feeling that there's no point," I said in as apologetic a tone as I could muster. "After all, being
Eva pilots.." I shrugged. "We're probably on 24-hour call or something."
"Pfah!" Asuka scoffed. "Even Eva pilots deserve a break once in a while," she said, dismissing my
reasoning out-of-hand.
The conversation continued thusly all the way out of school and into the stores where Asuka had insisted
we go shopping afterwards. It was the closest I'd seen Asuka act like a child, before or since. She all but literally
bounced off the walls, skipping about and singing "O-ki-na-waaaaa!" at the top of her lungs, giggling madly at
random intervals.
I envy you, I realized at one point, watching her toss her exultations to the skies. Would it not be better to
not be cursed with 'pre-knowledge' of the things to come? To blissfully move through life just like Asuka was at
that moment?
That line of thinking drew my mind towards thoughts of what Asuka's final fate was to be. I shut my eyes
and shook my head violently, as if that would help exorcise the images from my mind's eye.
"What? No?" Asuka said. I looked up and saw she was holding up a swimsuit before her. "What's wrong
with it?"
She'd thought I'd been rejecting her choice. "Um, no, it's okay--" I began, but she was already rooting
through the racks again, seeking out another design.
I moved forward and picked up the one she'd been holding, looking at it with all sorts of thoughts
tumbling through my head. If, for some reason, you're wrong, and we do get to go, you'll look like a fool if you
don't have a suit for the diving portion. And if you're right, maybe you'll get to do some swimming in the pool at
school, or at NERV.
I held up the suit so it was fully unfolded and presented before me. And you don't have a suit, other than
that gawdawful school-issue one..
Looking at the garment in its entirety, it was only then that I noticed that it was a white one-piece, with a
red vertical stripe along one side of the front and back, looking somewhat like a Buster Machine pilot's outfit.
Smirking, I folded it over on itself and kept it clutched in my hand, as I sought out where Asuka had
bounded off to next. It didn't take long to detect a shrill "Ohhh! Mr. Kaaajiiii!!" from across the aisle.
Ryoji Kaji happened to be entering the store from one of the myriad of entrances, this one in particular
fairly close to the ladies' wear section we were inhabiting. Asuka leapt over and latched on to him, the man
reacting as if he'd been caught off guard by her sudden appearance. I wasn't so sure if that was an act or not;
what purpose would he have being in a department store, even if just to grab another six-pack of blue shirts and
red ties from the men's wear side of the aisle? Why did it feel like the coincidence of timing was just too great?
Then again, what reason would he have to confront Asuka at this point?
The fact that we were all likely under observation 24/7 did come to mind at that point. Maybe Kaji was
fulfilling that purpose for Asuka, on behalf of NERV. It would make sense from a tactical standpoint, considering
how infatuated she was with him - no one else could get as close as he did.
I was idly wondering who was watching over me, when Asuka, having all but completely forgotten about
me, carried on with Kaji, holding up a striped two-piece suit before her. I realized it was the one she'd eventually
buy, all things being equal, and headed over to become part of the conversation.
"--even scheduled to go scuba diving!" Asuka was gushing.
"Hmm," Kaji mused. "It's been years since I've been able to do any diving myself." He glanced over and
smiled broadly at me. "Salutations, Miss Thomson. It appears your friend is ready too, Asuka."
Asuka wasn't fazed, plowing on with her questions. "Where did you go on your school trip?" she asked
Kaji.
"Oh," he said, developing yet another smile, as he casually responded, "We didn't have one."
"Didn't have one?!" Asuka breathed, as if it was a tremendous injustice, or a radically unbelievable
concept, as if he'd said he didn't have a childhood. "Why not?"
"Well, you see, there was this thing called Second Impact," Kaji said ruefully. "The world was a little
more concerned with picking up the pieces and surviving, plus, travel wasn't exactly high on the priority list
either, after the seas had been so severely altered."
With the melted ice cap, I realized. Then again, it could be that he was covering up the fact that he was
orphaned and running with a street gang, if that was his true past. Maybe he was weaving bits of the truth - world
policy and concerns - into a lie about his past.
Kind of like you, I found myself thinking.
Asuka was asking Kaji what he wanted her to bring back for him from Okinawa. He stumbled over his
words a couple times, one of the few instances where I ever witnessed him truly flustered. "Well, any old thing
will do, because I'll know you picked it with the utmost care and thoughtfulness," was along the lines of what
ended up coming out of his mouth. I had to hand it to the guy; he sure knew how to say a lot while still not really
saying anything.
Asuka declared her shopping completed in this part of the store and started marching off. I was left there
with Kaji, and before he decided to slip off into the shadows again, I seized the opportunity to ask him a
question, if for no other reason than to gauge how much he really knew about things.
"This is pointless, isn't it?" I asked.
"I beg your pardon?" he asked, truly caught off guard this time.
I lifted up the swimsuit I was still holding. "This," I said, gesturing with it to Asuka bubbling happily an
aisle or two over. "We're not going anywhere, are we?"
"Miss Sohryu sure seems to think you are," he responded.
"You know what I mean," I said with a frown, having half a mind to come clean with at least some of
what I knew about things. Luckily, that half didn't win out at that moment. "The Evas are too important to let us
go on vacation. Right?"
"I know you're concerned about her setting herself up for a fall," Kaji said, watching Asuka. "But let her
have her time. You only get to be young once."
Hah! Shows what you know. "Yet NERV is content to take our youth from us to make us do all these
horrible things."
"If you think they're horrible, you shouldn't do them. You do have a choice, you know." He looked over at
me, looking more serious than I recalled seeing him before. "I get the feeling you're in this for the long run,
though."
I stared back for a few moments, trying to gauge exactly what he was on about - did he already know all
about me somehow? Or was he trying to bluff his way into getting me to say something I regretted?
Finally, I sighed and said, "I want to pilot Eva. I have a duty. I just don't think it's fair to us."
"That's the thing about life," he said sagely as he turned back to watch Asuka again. "Fairness isn't
guaranteed."
To say that Asuka was upset later that night, when we all got home, didn't come close to a proper
description. I could hear her right through the wall, hollering at Misato, then Shinji, then the world in general.
I went out on the balcony to sample the night, and to think of the things that I'd said to Kaji that
afternoon. Whether fairness was guaranteed or not, was it right for these kids to give up their early teens to
Ikari's master plan?
A pinpoint of light shone in the early dusk within my line of sight. I thought for a fleeting moment about
wishing on it, but with my luck I would be wishing on a Cathay Pacific 747 or something. Besides, was there any
point? The realist in me wanted to point out that wishing on a star was something best left to Pinocchio et al.
However, the realist was routinely overruled by the part of me that was still reeling with having been transported
into the life of a teenaged girl piloting an Evangelion.
"Oh, Fourth. Good, you're out here."
I turned and saw Asuka stepping out onto her balcony. I nodded and stepped a little closer to the
common railing to be with my friend.
"If you say 'I told you so', I'll throw you over this railing in an instant."
I giggled, in spite of the threat, which may or may not have been genuine. "Sorry," I said. "I know you
were looking forward to it. Maybe we can take another trip of our own, later on. Hey! Maybe NERV should pay
for it. They owe us, at least. Right?"
"They better," Asuka muttered, leaning on the rail. "So the class leaves on Monday. Misato says we
have to study. You up for it?"
I didn't have the heart to tell Asuka that I was one of the top scorers in the class. "Sure," I said with a
smile.
"I still feel ripped off," she grumbled. "I mean, this is our school trip!"
"I hear you," I said. "I was looking forward to it, too. We never did this kind of thing in Canada."
"I'm sure," she nodded. "The West is far more worried about liabilities and such to let anyone have any
fun."
"Yup," I agreed, if only to try to let the conversation die a natural, dwindling death.
After a moment, Asuka said, "I have no intention on studying all week, though. What else should we
do?"
"Well," I offered, "We did get those new swim suits.."
"Oh! Of course, there's no reason they should go to waste," Asuka grinned. Then, suddenly, she grinned
even wider, if that was possible, and squealed. "Oh! I know!"
"What?" I asked.
"We can rent scuba gear here and take it to the pool," she declared. "We can partake in the same things
everyone else is, just in a different location!"
"Good idea," I said, just to agree with her, smiling and nodding as well.
"I do have a question," she said after another pause.
"What's that?" I asked.
"How did you know we'd be left behind?"
I felt like time was stopping; as if I'd frozen in the typical way anime characters do when they're caught
red-handed at something. Regaining my composure, I said, "I told you, it makes tactical sense to not leave the
Evas unmanned--"
"I don't buy that," Asuka said evenly. "I know you were talking with Kaji today in the store."
Sputtering, I finally found words to put to my thoughts in response. "I was just asking him if what I was
thinking was the truth," I said, mostly truthfully. "He is NERV, you know. He'd know if anyone would."
She looked at me for a long moment, then said simply, "Fair enough."
"Asuka. I know you're upset about the way things turned out, but don't take it out on me," I said softly.
"We're all getting screwed. Let's just make the most of what we've got."
"Yeah, yeah," was the grumpy response.
"I mean it. Let's just have a good week regardless of where we have it, okay? There's lots we can do.
I've never been to Okinawa myself, and I won't deny that it sucks not getting to go, but we'll make up for that
later on. Okay?"
Again she eyed me for several moments. "All right, Fourth. Let's start with renting scuba gear for the
week."
"Good," I grinned. "I've never dove before. It'll be fun to play around underwater and be able to breathe."
"Are you daft, Fourth?" Asuka shot back. "It'll be exactly like we experience in the entry plugs. Except
we'll have a lot better scenery to look at."
I chuckled. "Fair enough, Asuka," I replied.
The day of departure came, and many of our friends teased and needled us about being left behind.
Hikari took pity on Asuka and me, and promised to bring back something good for each of us. Asuka grumbled
and griped, but I know she was already accepting of the fact that we were home and the rest were gone.
As for me, believe it or not, I wasn't dwelling on things to come for a change - well, that's not entirely
true. I wasn't dwelling on the things which I thought were going to happen, that I couldn't tell people about. If you
can follow that convoluted stream of thought, I congratulate you. In any case, what I was thinking about was the
scuba diving that was imminent. I had never used scuba gear before, and though it was not too different from the
air packs that firefighters use, I was really looking forward to the experience.
And so, that's how Asuka and I came to be lugging two tanks, buoyancy compensators (vests filled with
lead, essentially), fins, masks, and weight belts into the area of the pool later on that afternoon. As I expected,
Shinji was there, working studiously in his school books, and Rei was just ahead of us, in the plain white onepiece I 'remembered'. For a moment, my thoughts went to that particular piece of information: Had she bought it
herself, or did Gendo get it for her? I'd never seen her in clothes other than her school outfit and her plugsuit.
Was there a meaning behind her wearing this new piece of clothing, or had she just done the same thing I'd
done, and picked up a suit so that she would have something other than the school suit to wear in the pool?
Regardless, the four of us were there. Asuka looked over at Shinji and tch'ed as she noticed what he
was working on. "Look at the pathetic little bookworm."
I sighed a little. "Be nice to him," I suggested.
"Why?"
"Um, for starters, he hasn't had a chance to take college and get three degrees yet?" I pointed out.
"Oh, you're no fun, Fourth. I just wanna tease him a little bit," Asuka grinned, holding up her thumb and
forefinger as a gauge.
I shook my head. "I'll prep our gear," I said simply, setting my tank down and crouching down beside it.
Asuka headed off with a smirk and a giggle, and I set about connecting the two tanks to their respective
hoses and such, and mating them to the BCs. I had to remind myself that the valve on a scuba tank points up,
not down like a firefighter's air bottle does - ask me why, and I'll just give you a blank look and a shrug. I
presume it has to do with the fact that in a fire, you're generally having things like the roof spontaneously fall
down on you, and having the valve up top where it can be damaged isn't the best idea.
In any case, I was suited up by the time Asuka got her fill of giving Shinji a hard time, and so we were
ready to get into the pool. I checked the breathing air, mainly to make sure it worked before I went under and
found that it didn't, and just then heard a splash.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rei dive into the pool at the diagonally opposite end as us, and begin
swimming laps. It was as if she'd been swimming for years; a nearly-flawless dive in, and strong, powerful
strokes propelled her through the water.
"Look! Shinji!" Asuka yelled right beside me, waving frantically at him. "Back roll entry!" With that, she
leaned back and tumbled into the pool, laughing all the way down.
I shook my head, smiling, and followed her into the 'depths'.
We goofed around in the pool for a good while. For a while, I spent time by myself, acclimatizing myself
to the equipment. Despite my earlier assumptions, I found it actually difficult to remember to breathe underwater.
I guess it had something to do with the fact that I spent so much time in a liquid medium 'at work', and relied on
my blood being oxygenated directly by the LCL. In any case, it didn't take long to deal with it once I realized the
problem.
After that, Asuka and I took turns doing what was called the 'tormenting' exercise. One of us would , for
example, knock off the other's mask, and while she was going to retrieve it, she'd be stripped of her weight belt,
et cetera. Random problems kept occurring for each of us and we had to maintain our composure and solve the
problems one at a time, before moving on to the next issue. It was the kind of thing that made sure that
recreational divers had their wits about them when they were under the surface, but for an Eva pilot? I don't
mean to sound smug, but it was baby stuff.
At one point or another, we came up for a break. I was sitting on the side of the pool, the weight belt
removed so it wasn't digging into my sides, when I heard a soft voice beside me.
"Did that hurt when it happened?"
I looked up at Rei curiously, then down at what she was looking at. My gaze followed hers to the faint,
pinkish scar on the inside of my leg.
"If it did, I don't remember it," I said plainly. "I don't remember much of the crash, and didn't wake up until
weeks later, at least."
Rei said after a moment, "May I ask what happened?"
"I was in the back seat of my parents' car when it was in a crash," I explained. "I got trapped between my
mother's seat and mine. I think my legs were kind of the weakest points in the chain, if you know what I mean."
It occurred to me that Rei might not know what I meant, but if she didn't, she didn't bother admitting it.
"You have healed fully?" she asked.
"As much as I'm going to," I nodded, smiling. "The scars are with me for life.. and so are the titanium
rods and screws. I'm impressed at how I don't actually feel any discomfort or anything out of place. They did a
great job patching me up."
Shinji's attention was piqued when I spoke about the metal inserts that the docs had told me about way
back when I was in the hospital. "You don't feel them at all?" he asked.
"Not that I can tell," I answered him, turning halfway around to respond. "Not even in cold weather or
anything like that." Searching for something to say to Rei, I turned back to her and commented, "I understand
you've bounced back from some serious injuries yourself."
She just nodded once, expressionlessly, and Shinji's look turned to her, becoming distant and lost, as if
he was reliving the first time he saw her. I felt for a moment like I'd made another faux pas.
That moment passed when I realized that another of our group would be, or would probably be, horribly
injured in a few months, when she met her end at the hands of the mass production Evas. I was glad that she
wasn't around to see me wince, but at the same time, wondered where she'd gotten to.
"I'm sorry," Rei said abruptly, and stood. I looked up at her with surprise.
"What for?" I said.
"You are reliving bad memories," she said, interpreting my wincing as part of the previous conversation.
"No, it's fine--" I began, but she turned to walk away at that moment, leaving Shinji and I alone at
poolside, and the latter had already gone back to his schoolwork.
What was she so intrigued about? I wondered, looking down at the scars on my legs. Of all the Children,
I'd think she'd understand injuries the best.
After some consideration, I realized, Maybe it was because she does understand them that she was
curious about mine.
My self-inquisition was cut short when Asuka burst back into the pool area. "Hurry and get dressed!" she
blurted out.
"Why? What.. an Angel?" Shinji said, all but bolting out of his seat.
Asuka just grinned and turned away, disappearing as quickly as she'd shown up.
The four of us were in a room with a peculiar Lexan floor, standing on one side of a projection set into
the floor, with Dr. Akagi, Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki, Lt. Ibuki, and Lt. Hyuga, across from us. The projection
was a curious bit of tech, and for one, I was confused as to why it existed. What was the benefit of making
everyone tilt their head and look right at their feet? Hadn't these clowns had an ergonomics study done?
As I expected, Ritsuko showed us a volcano nearby with a highlighted segment inside; that highlighting
expanded and resolved into a fuzzy image of an embryonic Angel. Asuka practically jumped up and down
begging to be picked for the job of capturing it, and to Shinji's surprise, she was chosen. Then, also as expected,
Rei asked what her assignment would be.
"Units 00 and 03 and their pilots will remain at HQ," Ritsuko declared.
Maya Ibuki added, "For one thing, Unit 00 can't accommodate the high-heat equipment necessary for
this task. Furthermore, while we are operating with 01 and 02 in the field, we'll take the extra time to perform
some tests on 00 and 03."
"What kind of tests?" I asked, genuinely wondering what was transpiring.
"We'll go over that later, after the mission is underway - that's our first priority right now," Akagi replied.
"Furthermore, the mission takes priority," Fuyutsuki added. "Units 00 and 03 will remain in full readiness
at all times. If the mission team needs backup, the others must be prepared to mobilize at a moment's notice."
"Yes, sir," Rei and I stereoed. I found it interesting that she and I would be the ones to sync, so to speak,
but it appeared lost on her, or at least not of enough interest to react to it at that point.
"Too bad, guys," Asuka teased, leaning out of line to leer at the two of us. "I get to dive, and I get to go
to a hot spring! Some of us have all the luck, huh?"
"I guess if you want to be doing work inside a volcano, that's cool," I quipped. "Or not so cool, as the
case may be."
"Ladies, do you mind?" Ritsuko sighed, which brought us back to attention.
"The use of an offensive strike against the Angels has been authorized," Fuyutsuki declared, ending the
discussion. "We begin immediately."
Rei and I suited up in silence. Asuka had been let through the change room ahead of us, for reasons I
suspected I knew - anticipated embarrassment over the heat resistant plugsuit's added features. I was sure I'd
heard her shriek once or twice.
When we went out to the Cages to join the others, it was all I could do not to burst into laughter at the
sight of Asuka looking like she'd been to ten too many buffets. Seeing Nigouki in the ridiculous exo-suit was also
a bit of a laugh.
"Some of us have all the luck," I squeaked at Asuka, with a grin. The only reason I didn't get slapped
was that she couldn't bring her arm around fast enough.
She and Shinji began briefing on the mission, and Ritsuko asked for me and Rei to follow her. I let Rei
go ahead of me, seeing as how she was already walking by the time I'd registered the request, and then I took
up the rear.
We were brought to the adjacent pair of Cages, but not in the order I'd been expecting. Ritsuko tersely
told Rei to continue on, which she did; the doctor and I stopped by the gantry elevator to an entry plug.
"Any questions?" she asked, as if she knew I would have some.
"No," I said after a moment's pause. "If you're comfortable with this, I am."
"Good," she said. "Then let's get up there and get started."
I stepped into the lift, leaving Dr. Akagi behind, and proceeded towards the entry plug. As I ascended. I
had a full, pan-up view of Zerogouki.
A cross-synchronization test, I mused. I wonder why.
The entry plug was almost exactly the same as San's, with the exception of some minor things - the
inscription on the pilot's chair, of course, and little things like different catches on the control handles, and an
appearance of a little more wear and tear than the cockpit I'd inhabited for all my career to date.
"Are you both ready to begin?" Ritsuko's voice momentarily came over the distorted speaker, which had
yet to be imbibed with LCL, as with the rest of the plug.
"Yes," came Rei's soft response from 03.
"Ready," I replied, nodding.
LCL began spilling into the compartment, and gulping it down was no problem. All of that was second
nature now. I was focused on what would happen when the soul, or awareness, or whatever was inside 00,
awakened and found me where it expected Rei.
That moment came fairly swiftly, even though we were progressing through start-up at a reduced pace.
Akagi called out one of the benchmarks, something about the A10 connection, and I had a phrase come to me
suddenly.
Old hag.
I blinked. Had I thought that, or was it the Eva? As if it would do any good, I looked around.
Curiosity flooded into me at that instant, and I knew this time that it was from the Eva. It had sensed me
and was wondering who the hell I was, so to speak.
I tried to identify myself and communicate with the entity. I was met with reluctance, on a large scale - to
the point where Maya noticed it, if I remember the chatter from the control room right. She measured it as
rejection of the nerve impulses, which I guess was how the equipment saw it.
Don't worry. Rei is still here, I tried to send to Zero. She is with.. I had to pause while I considered my
words. My partner.
Zero was still not fully sure of what was going on. I heard Ritsuko asking us if we were both all right, and
I murmured a yes, still trying to stay in contact as deeply as I could, to keep from losing anything I might not be
able to regain.
I'm another pilot, just like Rei, I thought into the void. I'm known as Jill.
The return I got at that moment was swift and abrupt, and if I had to put it into words, it would be: Not like
Rei.
I'm a teenaged girl, chosen to communicate with you. I hoped that the sincerity I put into the first part of
that didn't betray the memories I still harbored that could potentially screw things up.
Acceptance of that point came reluctantly, which gave me some relief, even though I had some 'Still, not
like Rei' vibes coming across. In addition, a flood of images, and what I presumed were memories, rushed
through me - both from what must have been Rei I's life, as well as the current Rei.
"Jill? How are you doing?" Ritsuko called out to me.
"Fine," I responded, distracting myself enough to focus on the conversation.
"How does it feel?"
"All right," I said. "Strange."
"I think we were expecting that, Doctor," Maya cut in.
"Indeed," Akagi said. "And you, Rei?"
"I am also fine," she replied.
"How do you feel?"
"Out of place."
That answer surprised me - it was the closest I'd ever heard Rei come to a complaint.
"What do you mean?" Akagi pressed on.
"I don't belong here," Rei said. "Pilot Thomson does."
"This is a cross-synchronization test, Rei," Akagi said, as if explaining it to her. "The purpose is to see if
each of you can pilot the other's Eva."
"It is possible," Rei answered. "But this is not my place."
I thought for the longest time that Rei was arguing, or being petulant - but later, after all was said and
done, and I had time to go over it in my mind, I'd realize that she was simply reporting back the same thing I was
feeling, but in a different way. Rei knew a lot more about the Evas' connections to us than I did, I presumed, and
her declarations were her way of saying what she was feeling from the Eva.
At least she didn't say "It smells like Jill", I guess.
As usual, I pressed for sync ratios, but this time, Ritsuko refused to give them. I suppose I should have
expected that, considering the special situation of the test.
We were given various tasks to perform, some of them the typical sync/harmonics tests like 'visualize
your legs' or 'move your right arm', but others were more complex, involving multiple operations at once, and
other tasks apparently designed to get us to work with our Evas - or perhaps vice versa.
In the middle of the test, about two hours after we'd suited up and gone in, Fuyutsuki was suddenly
cutting in on the comm system. "Cancel the test," he declared. "There has been an incident at the mission site."
"An incident?" Akagi said with concern.
"The Angel has hatched upon attempt to capture," he said. "Unit 02 is battling it. I want 00 and 03
maintained in full combat readiness, here at base."
"Understood," Akagi responded. "Maya, end the test." To the room, she added, "Prepare to reload
original code plugs."
The insinuation was, if I read it right, that Rei and I would be returning to our respective Evas. "Uh, does
this mean we don't get to.."
I was cut off as the system went dark and everything spooled down, the LCL returning to phase and the
lighting going to its orange-ish tint of system standby.
There isn't much to say about the standby; as you all probably know, Asuka fought the Angel, ending it
with a unique and ingenious attack. Shinji stepped in - or rather, reached in - to rescue her, after the winch line
used to send her into the magma failed.
Rei and I were stood down without moving a muscle.
Early in the evening, after showering and changing into real clothes again, I was surprised to find Rei
standing at the gates between NERV and Tokyo-3. To call it loitering would contradict any previous notions
about Rei; she seemed to be lost in thought, or contemplating something. For a few moments, I observed her
from afar; she didn't move or look around at all.
Finally, I casually walked up as if I was just heading to the gates myself. "Oh, hi, Rei," I said cheerily
when I was within earshot.
She looked up at me and said, simply, "Pilot Thomson."
I couldn't leave it at that, so I smiled and shrugged. "Just our luck to get shut down in the middle of
something interesting, huh? At least we learned something new from it, right?"
Rei's eyes flitted across my happy, suggestive expression for a moment before she responded. "We
did," she acknowledged.
"Hey, I hope you didn't think I was out of line by wanting to pilot Zero," I said, referring to my truncated
question just before the crossover test was canceled. "All I meant was--"
"I was looking forward to it, too," Rei interrupted me.
"Really?" I asked genuinely, eyebrows arching. "In that case, maybe we can get them to give us another
chance someday."
"Perhaps," she said simply.
After a pause with no more words exchanged between us, I said, "So hey! Are you heading home, or
what?"
Rei nodded.
"Want to come home with me?" I said, out of the blue, surprising even myself (well, not really, but you
know what I mean). "I have some tea, and we can pick up something to eat on the way."
She nodded again, coming to agreement with the proposal. There was no smile, no 'Okay! Sounds
great!' that Hikari might offer. Rei was just Rei.
We headed home, stopping at the store for some stuff on the way. Rei was, as advertised, not a meat
eater, but I got the feeling it was for reasons other than what one might think. I didn't have the guts to breach the
subject yet, because it would let on far too much of what I knew or should know compared to reality. Perhaps
later, I told myself.
"You performed well today," Rei commented as we walked home in the dusk.
"I did? Well, thank you, you weren't too shabby yourself," I responded brightly.
"Your sync ratio was four points higher than mine," she replied.
"What? Really?" I said, truly shocked. "Wait - higher than yours in 00 or 03?"
"Higher than mine in Unit 03," she confirmed.
"Oh," I said. "Well, I don't know about these sync ratios anyway, it could be completely random, you
know--"
Rei stared at me, which caused me to trail off. Finally, she said, "You don't believe that."
I thought about my response to that for a long few moments. When it finally came, it went like this: "Rei,
does.. do you ever.. talk to your Eva? And does it kind of.. talk back?"
"Yes," she answered, studying me for a long moment of her own. "So it seems."
I couldn't really tell if Rei was just agreeing with me, trying to put my description of synchronizing into
things she could understand, or if she really knew the whole thing from A to Z and was just trying to gauge how
much of it I was privy to.
We got back to my place and I started off by finding the tea I'd bought ages ago, in case of something
exactly like this happening. I would drink it, but only with guests; tea isn't my normal cup of.. no, I won't say it.
You're welcome.
While I was making the tea, though, I got yet another scare of my life.. er, lives. Standing right beside the
balcony's sliding glass door as I fiddled with the kettle, I was startled by a loud clattering sound on the glass.
"WAH!" I shrieked, thankfully not dropping or flinging the kettle, and turned to find a particular waterfowl
pressed against the glass from the outside, its beak rapping on the window.
"Wark!" Pen2 cried.
"What the hell are you doing out there?!" I snapped, yanking the door open and catching the bird as it
tried to scurry into my house. "And how did you get over the balcony?"
"It would appear no one is home next door," Rei observed.
"Gee, ya think?" I shot back, instantly regretting it. Thankfully, Rei simply took it as the snappy
comeback it was. It was then that I noticed my message light was flashing on my phone.
"Hi neighbor!" came the voice of my boss. "We're staying over at the hot springs here for the evening, so
we won't be home until laaaaate. Could you do me a big favor and take care of Pen 2 for me? Please? Huh?
Okay? Okay. Thaaaanks!"
The phone clicked off and the penguin pecked at my bare leg, as if to say, 'How come you haven't fed
me yet?'.
"Ow!" I said, smacking his beak away. "Stop that!"
Rei sat silently at the table, watching everything passively.
"Take care of you, huh?" I said, eyeing the bird. I thought about it for a moment, then grinned as
something horribly mischievous crossed my mind. After offering him about a quarter of my dinner, I started to
extricate my Styrofoam ice cooler from the closet.
"What are you doing?" Rei asked.
"Hey, Pen2," I said. "Wanna go to a hot spring?"
The bird stood up straight and looked at me attentively and eagerly. "Wark," it said.
Chapter Eleven: Jack and Jill
I'd love to tell you that the next part of my life involved crawling through ventilation shafts, staring Angels
in the face, and launching Evas by hand, but it wasn't in the cards for me. And it was all for a stupid, ridiculously
idiotic reason, too.
I was out of school that day because Dr. Akagi needed a pilot for some tests she was doing. My memory
of exactly what was going on is a little fuzzy, so forgive me. I'd spent the early part of the day playing video
games and babysitting/feeding Pen2 (my punishment for the trick played a week or two before, as described
above). Heading to NERV, I decided to take a shower before getting into my plugsuit, as the day was sweltering
hot outside.
In the middle of the refreshing deluge of water, all the lights in the change room went out. The water
continued running, at a reduced pressure, but started to turn cool.
"Aah! What the..?" I said aloud, and quickly rinsed my hair before the water became icy and I couldn't
bear it any longer. Shutting off the shower took a couple of extra seconds, as I had to fumble around in near-total
darkness to find the tap handle. (There're none of those battery powered emergency lamps in the shower room,
of course, for obvious reasons; though there was one mounted over the exit door in the change room itself,
affording a thin shaft of light.)
Carefully stepping forward, toward what I thought was the exit of the shower into the change room, my
intent was to quickly get into my plugsuit, pry open whatever doors I needed to, and get to the Cage. It'd been a
few minutes already, and power should have at least switched over to a backup circuit, if not been restored
outright. Either something Ritsuko had done had royally screwed up, or we were under attack - and in both
cases, it was my task to report for duty.
I hadn't accounted for slipping and falling in the dark, though. Before I knew what had happened, my feet
were out from under me and my head hit the wet tile. A bright starburst of light flashed across my vision, and
then I was out cold.
When I regained at least a sense of consciousness, darkness surrounded me. After a moment, I realized
it not only did that, it enveloped me, too - a glance down gave no evidence that I was standing there. In other
words, I couldn't see my own body.
I looked back up, and left, and right. There was nothing.
"H-hello?" I called out, surprisingly lucid for someone who'd just knocked herself silly.
No response. No echo from any walls - in the locker room or otherwise.
Oh great. Did I die again? I wondered, not at all amused by the absurdity of that query. Again I tried to
look around for any point of reference, or even an apparition to show me my body, dead on the shower floor,
blood streaming down the floor drain.
Nothing at all came to me.
"What's going on?" I asked, again sounding like I was surrounded in cotton, with no resonance to betray
my location.
Was I in the entry plug? I felt around with my hands, or tried to - again, I couldn't see myself, so I did
what I thought was moving my arms around - and was met with nothing to touch, and no sensation that I was
moving around in LCL, phased or not.
Was I standing, sitting, lying down? Again, I couldn't tell.
"Okay, this isn't funny," I groused. Does the bus come through here? my mind quipped, and I told it to
shut up.
Suddenly, or after an eternity - it was hard to tell - a question came to me. It was neither spoken, nor
displayed before me as text - it was simply there, in my mind.
Who are you?
"Who am I?" I retorted. "Who the hell are you?"
Who are you?
"What the hell do you mean, who am I? I'm me."
Who are you?
Realization of what was up didn't even come close to approaching me. "Jill Thomson," I shot back.
Are you sure?
That stopped me in my tracks. What was going on? Who was asking these questions? Had I made
contact with an Angel? Or the entity in my Eva? Neither made sense, as the last thing I remembered was going
for a shower. I wasn't even in the entry plug yet. Was I?
Are you sure? the question came again.
"Who else would I be?" I said without thinking.
Suddenly, an image of Jack was in my mind, just standing there, hands in pockets, wearing jeans and
Subaru World Rally Team jacket, as I'd been in my last day alive as him.
"Wh-what the fuck?!" I stammered, now truly afraid. Whatever this was that was conversing with me
knew my secret; knew everything about me. A chill ran down my spine and stayed there, threatening to freeze
me right to the core.
Who is this?
"M-me," I said nervously. "Th-that's me too."
The image abruptly switched to that of Jill, in a T-shirt and short skirt, walking along, heading to NERV
as I had earlier that day.
Who is this?
"Me," I said emphatically. "They're both me!"
Who is this?
I was about to respond when I took another look at the next image. It was a young girl, with longer, red
hair; wearing jeans and a T-shirt, and hiking boots, scaled down to fit her diminutive feet. She looked to be about
12 or 13 years old.
"I.." I said, following the girl as she walked around in the woods in my mind's eye. Something was
vaguely familiar about her. "I'm not.."
As she turned, the 'camera' viewpoint remained above her right shoulder, and a campsite pivoted into
view. A small tent was pitched, and a little blue car was parked at the other edge of the small clearing. A few
chunks of wood were arranged as seats around a camp fire, and on two of them, a man and a woman sat,
holding small foil trays of food in their laps.
"Oh! There she is," the woman - a tall lady with long brown hair - said, smiling broadly. "See, I told you
she was just exploring."
"Your food's getting cold," the man with the dark, curly hair said, cracking a grin. "And there's no
microwave to heat it up with, so eat up before you have to chip away the ice."
"Ha ha, Dad, very funny," the girl said in a voice I definitely recognized.
I would have been rooted to the spot in shock, had I been standing anywhere at all. "H-holy shit.. that's..
me? That's me.."
The revelation seemed to do something to me. Instead of watching the scene unfold as a spectator, my
perspective shifted slightly.
I sat down and put the foil plate in my lap, stabbing at a sausage with the camp fork, having to give it two
or three shots before it would stick and stay long enough so I could snatch it up.
"Find anything interesting, sweetheart?" Mom said.
"There's a big cliff down near the lake," I told them. "I wanna try to rappel it tomorrow."
"You don't know how to rappel," Dad smirked, taking a bite of his supper. "Plus, we--"
"Len," Mom said to him with disdain, cutting him off. The two of them stared one another down for a
minute, making me wonder what I'd stumbled into.
"Um, and get this," I said, trying to change the subject. "I was sitting real still at one point with some
sunflower seeds in my hand, and this chipmunk came right up and climbed up on my foot!"
"Wow," Mom enthused. "Did you take a picture?"
"Mom, I was trying to be a statue," I pointed out. "It's not like I could reach around and get my camera."
"Of course," she said, shaking her head and smiling. "My bad."
"You need to try that trick again in camp," Dad suggested. "Then one of us'll snap a photo for you."
"Okay," I grinned, and kept eating. I'd give it a shot after supper.
So I sat on the bumper of the car for close to an hour after supper, trying to be as still as possible, to
invite some of the wildlife to venture into the campsite and sample the seeds I'd scattered about. Maybe it was
the smells we were giving off, or something like that, but no one was taking the bait.
I was about to give up when I heard Mom and Dad talking quietly on the other side of the tent, packing
up the food for the night.
"So when are we going to tell her?" Mom was asking.
"Let's wait until we're packing up camp tomorrow," Dad said. "Give her one last day of fun while we're
still here. She doesn't need to be worrying about it right now."
"I just hope she understands," Mom said with a hopeful tone.
"I know she'll take it well if you're the one to say it, Allie," Dad said. "If I try to explain, I'll screw things
up."
"That's because you get all technical and act like you're trying to mathematically prove the argument,
rather than just set out the facts and let the conversation go where it may."
"It's in my nature, hon."
"I know. But it shouldn't be in your family, Len."
Dad sighed. "Okay. I still think you should be the one to break it to her."
"Yes, Dr. Thomson," Mom said with a giggle in her voice.
"Do you think she'll like Nevada?" Dad asked.
"No reason not to, I don't suppose," Mom replied. "She takes after you in that regard, with the fondness
for warm weather and open spaces and all that." After a moment, she added, "And adventuring."
Dad sighed again. "You think I should let her try rappelling in the morning?"
"Why not? We've got some rope, and I trust you to judge just how big of a 'cliff' this is. She's 13, she's
interested in doing new and unusual things. Just be happy her attention's to things like this and not boys, or
jewelery, or--"
"All right," Dad cut Mom off. "Enough. I give."
Mom laughed. "Damn right, mister."
"That's Doctor," Dad shot back jokingly.
I didn't tell them that I'd overheard them; at least, not that night. I did like awake in my sleeping bag for a
long time, though, dwelling on it.
'Do you think she'll like Nevada?'. So we were moving. And I didn't get a say in it. Sure, being closer to
Dad's work might be fun and exciting, especially with all the high-tech stuff. But what about everything we had
here?
Who was I kidding, though, really? I wasn't into the kind of stuff other girls in grade 8 were into. For that
reason, most of my classmates ignored me or didn't bother involving me in anything. I had very few friends, and
if I really thought about it, I'd be pretty much assured that I was going to lose them anyway at the end of the
school year, since we'd all be going off to separate high schools. This just bumped it up about a half year.
But Mom had all her friends here, and her part-time job. Unless Dad was getting some kind of wicked
pay raise, or the cost of living was a lot lower in the States, we'd still need Mom's income to get by.
You'll have plenty of chances to bring all this up tomorrow when they bring the whole mess up, I
reminded myself, trying to drift off to sleep.
"I thought you said there was a cliff," Dad commented.
I put my hands on my hips. "It's twice my height easily!" I pointed out, calling up to him.
"A cliff is hundreds of feet, sweetie," he said, looking over the edge of the cl.. okay, the rock wall, or
whatever you want to call it. "This is.. not."
"Well, if it's not a cliff, I guess you have no problem with me rappelling it," I said with a smartassed grin.
"Hang on," he said, disappearing back away from the edge once more. I walked around on the path to
the point where I could get up top with him, and found him checking out trees a dozen or so feet away from the
precipice.
"They're all sturdy," I told him. "I checked them yesterday."
"I'm sure you did," he agreed, but kept checking them out anyway. "I think I like this one. Let me tie it off
first."
I stood and watched as he looped the rope around the tree a couple times and started tying some kind of
Boy Scout knot into the loop. "We have to figure out how to harness you, too," he pointed out.
"I don't need a harness," I said, holding up my hands. "I'll just play out the rope. I've got gloves."
"This is becoming less and less of a rappel and more and more of just going over a ledge with a rope,"
Dad quipped. "Why'd you want to do this anyway?"
"Because it looks like fun, and I know I can do it," I said, shrugging.
He finished tying off the knot. "Fair enough," he said, uncoiling the rope and flinging the free end over
the edge of the rock wall. "Let me test it first."
I stood and watched as he grabbed the rope a few feet from the tree and leaned backwards, toward the
cliff, with all his might. The tree bent a little in his direction, but far from any amount that might endanger me.
"Good enough, I guess," he said. "But I want you to keep at least one hand on the rope at all times."
"One hand, gotcha," I nodded, taking up the rope in my hands and stepping close to the edge.
"I'm going to hold onto it up here. Otherwise it might scrape against the rocks and fray or break."
"Sure," I shrugged.
"Okay, sweetie. Ready when you are."
I nodded and leaned out backwards over the edge, then let out a little bit of rope. In a second, I was
three feet below the height of the ledge.
"You okay?" Dad called out.
"Fine!" I said, trying to find purchase points for my boots. "I'm going again."
I let out a little more rope, and leaned back even further, to the point where my body was now parallel to
the ground, my hair and the rope dangling below me. Now, even five feet down, with probably 10 more feet to
go, it looked awfully high up.
"Still good?" Dad asked.
"Oh, no sweat," I said, walking my feet backwards down the rock face as I let out a little more rope. A
few more hops brought me back to terra firma - or, at least, to the part of terra firma that was horizontal.
"Good for you!" Dad said, leaning over the edge. "Well done!"
"Thanks, Dad," I grinned. "It's pretty fun!"
"Okay, move aside and let me come down, then."
"You sure, Dad? You don't have gloves."
"I'll be okay," he said, and came over the edge, tackling it in half the time I did (and not getting rope burn,
either, I might add). Standing up beside me, he 'dusted off' his hands and smiled. "That was fun. I understand
why you wanted to do it now."
I smiled back, and followed him as he went back up around the path. "Speaking of understanding one
another.."
"Yeah?" he said.
"If you guys think I didn't hear you last night, you're crazy," I began.
He stopped and turned around, coming back to face me. "This is something we need to talk about
together, as a family," he said, instantly serious. "Can it wait until we're on our way home?"
I thought about it for a minute. "If we can stop at Kawartha Dairy for ice cream," I bargained.
"Deal, kiddo," he said, ruffling his hand through my hair. "Help me coil up the rope."
So, later that afternoon, we were off towards home, if it could still be called home, for as little as it was
going to be that.
"You're going to like it," Dad said. "It's a beautiful place."
"If you like the desert," Mom contributed, but went on to add, "This is a good thing, Jillian."
"I guess," I shrugged. "But when you're leaving behind everything you've ever known.."
"I know, sweetie," Dad responded. "But you've got to trust me when I say this is for the best. I wouldn't
do this unless I knew it was absolutely necessary. You know that, right?"
"Yeah," I said, chin on hand, looking out the back-seat window.
"Well, I can't begin to describe how vital what I do is," he said, repeating the same tired old line both
Mom and I had heard for years. "And what's more, there's going to be a job for everyone, in time. Even you and
your mom."
"What?" I asked, sitting up and looking at Mom.
"It's true, sweetheart," Mom said. "Your time will come soon enough, but I start work with your father as
soon as we get there."
"Doing what?" I asked.
"Oh, tests, of sorts," Mom said, not elaborating.
"When does all this go down?" I finally asked.
Mom and Dad exchanged glances. "Next weekend," Dad said. "We wanted to give you one last
weekend of fun up at the campground before we sprung this on you."
"Oh," I said, otherwise speechless. Within seven days, I'd be gone from my hometown, for good.
"Sweetheart, I'm going to need your help packing things up all week, okay?" Mom said. "You can start
with your room - don't forget to keep out enough clothes for a week's drive, and anything you want to have with
you in the car. But other than that, tomorrow morning, we have to start putting things away. All right?"
"All right," I said in a monotone. Part of me was upset that this was so abrupt, but part of me was excited
to be having a change of scenery, plus the opportunity to work with my dad, at the place where he spent so
much time but we knew so little about.
January 23rd, 2015, was a warm winter's day in the Toronto suburb of Scarborough. There was little for
me to enjoy, however; everything in the world that my family owned was crammed into a U-Haul trailer that was
hooked up to my mom's car. Our house had a "Sold" sign stuck in the front lawn, and my room - the bedroom I'd
had since I was old enough to leave the crib - was absolutely empty. It felt eerie.
"Jill! Are you ready?" my mom's voice echoed through the house, reverberating off all the bare walls and
bouncing to me.
"Almost, mom!" I said. I did one more check-over - not hard to do since anything left behind would stand
out like a sore thumb - and found that all I needed was in my backpack. Everything else, except me, was already
gone. And in a few minutes, I'd be gone too.
No way. No way am I walking out of here with no indication that I was ever in this place.
I would feel silly later for doing so, but at the moment, it was the most important thing in the world to me.
I pulled a Sharpie marker out of my backpack and opened the closet door, writing on the inside of the door jamb,
where the next occupant would be sure to see it:
Jillian Thomson was here - 09/11/01 to 01/23/15
Satisfied, I capped the pen, shoved it back in my pack, and picked it up, heading out to the car.
Darkness was already falling by the time we were well and truly on the road. Second Impact might have
disrupted the seasons somewhat, but Canadian winters were still pathetically dark very early in the evening.
We were on the 401, the giant, multi-laned highway that cuts across the top of Lake Ontario and heads
towards Windsor and Detroit. I think Dad's plan was to cross at Detroit and find a way through to Nevada from
there. I don't know, and it becomes moot shortly.
I was working on a taco - we'd picked up fast food on our way out of town - and Mom and Dad were
chatting in the front seats. We were almost to Mississauga - I remember passing the airport - when the car gave
a sudden, severe shudder.
"What was that?" Mom asked.
"I don't know," Dad said. "The engine's misfiring."
We slowed down, and Mom snapped, "Don't - not here! Not on the left shoulder!"
"Well, I can't make it across eight lanes like this," Dad pointed out, pulling up close to the guardrail and
flipping on the hazard lights. "Just sit tight."
"What's the matter?" I asked.
"I don't know, maybe some bad gas," Dad said. "Let me get out and take a look."
"For Christ's sake, be careful," Mom warned him. To me, she added, "Don't worry, sweetheart. Your
dad'll take care of it."
The rest happened in such a sudden and violent way that I have trouble remembering it. Dad pulled on
the door handle; the dome light came on; there was a horrendous smashing sound, and I was thrown so hard
against Mom's seat back that I saw stars. I felt immeasurable pain up and down both legs, and yet could still feel
them, my thighs somehow smashed against my chest, and my feet touching my rear end. I still had no idea what
had happened, and realized we were somehow moving again. Flashes of light were going past, sparks thrown
up from the car screeching along the guardrail, the metal on metal making a horrendous sound. Eventually, the
car ground to a stop, and while the noise abated somewhat, it didn't totally stop.
Then I realized the shrieking sound was coming from me.
"L-len! Len! Are you all right?!" Mom was hollering. Dad wasn't answering, and I was too screwed up to
look around and see why. All I could see was two big red-smeared white things in my field of vision, and a
second's thought led me to decide that they were my kneecaps, the bones actually showing through my battered
and broken legs. I kept on screaming.
"Jill! Jill, honey, talk to me!" Mom shouted.
"Mommy!" I screamed back at her. I couldn't budge. I couldn't tolerate the pain. I couldn't cope with the
situation at all.
Things were a haze for a while. I eventually stopped screaming, but only because I was too tired to work
my lungs any more. At one point, people started peering in through the places where there used to be windows.
"Oh shit," someone said. "This is bad."
"He never even slowed down!" another yelled. "Was he drunk?!"
"He's okay, he's still in his semi," someone else said. "I think he said he was reaching for his coffee."
"Sweetheart!" Mom called out weakly. "Grab my hand."
As I said earlier, I could barely move, but I somehow managed to reach forward with my left hand and
touch my mom's left. First just the fingertips, then, at long last, both hands were clasped together.
"What happened??!" I cried at her.
"There's been an accident, honey," she sobbed. "Are you all right?"
"No!" I answered her. "My legs are really hurt bad."
"You'll be okay, sweetheart," she reassured me. "We're going to make it through this."
"Where's Dad? Why isn't he talking?" I panicked.
"Your dad's not in the car any more," she said, sobbing again. "I don't know where he is. Be strong,
sweetheart. We'll get through this."
I heard sirens, and then, after a few minutes, a person with a two-way radio came up. I could still only
see my gruesome injuries and the back of my mom's seat, with her bloodied hand grasping mine.
"Dispatch, Pump 941 Portable," the person just outside the car said. "One black, one red, one yel.. make
that two red. That's one black, two red. Copy?"
There was someone talking on the guy's radio, and then he said, "Roger. Start Bandage One. We'll set
up a landing zone for them."
Then his voice got louder - he must have leaned into my mom's window. "Ma'am. Ma'am, can you hear
me?"
"I hear you," Mom said, sounding more distant than before. "We're trapped. Help my daughter!"
"We're going to help you both," the man said. "We need to do some work first before we can get you out,
okay? Where are you hurt?"
"My back.. my neck.. stomach.. legs.." Mom said faintly.
"You're bleeding badly, ma'am. Just stay put and we're going to get you out." He stepped out long
enough to yell, "Sam! I need medics here right now!!"
Then he was in front of my face. "Hi there," he said. "I'm a fireman. I'm Al. What's your name?"
"J-jill," I stammered.
"Okay, Jill, well, things are pretty tight in here, aren't they? We're going to get you out, though. Are you
hurting anywhere besides your legs?"
"N-no," I cried.
"That's good, then. You just take some deep breaths and relax, and we're going to have you out of here
in no time. Okay?"
"Where's my dad??!" I demanded.
There was just enough of a pause that I knew it was bad news. "Someone else is helping him,"
Firefighter Al told me. "For now, we need to focus on--"
"Don't lie to me!" I bawled, and my mom gripped my hand tighter, squeezing it and crying with me.
The firefighter looked me in the face for a long moment, probably trying to see if I could take it. "I'm
sorry, honey. There's nothing we can do for him."
At that moment, the pain in my gut and my chest overtook the pain in my legs as the worst thing I'd ever
felt in the world.
"Easy, sweetheart. Easy," Mom said, crying openly, squeezing my hand tighter and tighter. "It's going to
be okay."
I wanted to scream at her that nothing would ever be okay again. I wanted to go back to earlier that day
and never have written on the stupid door, so we'd have left 90 seconds earlier and never been in that place at
that time, and thus never have been involved in a crash. I wanted to be back in Algonquin Park, trying to entice
chipmunks to climb up onto my shoes and eat from my hand. But I couldn't do any of that, because I was drifting
in and out of coherency. Between being inconsolable and in pain beyond anything I'd ever imagined, I was
completely out of my mind.
I remember a sudden change in lighting and realizing they'd cut the roof off the car. Completely removed
it! Mom and I could've stood up at that point, if Mom hadn't been crushed forward by the dash, and I hadn't had
my legs nearly taken off.
Some girl in a blue jumpsuit type uniform was talking to us, doing a lot more talking to Mom than to me.
They put hard collars on both of us and bandaged over my knees, and down below as well, something about my
ankles. They spent a lot more time with Mom, with something called a suction unit, and an abdo pad, plus they
put needles in both of us. The girl said she needed someone to call ahead for blood for the adult - I guess that
meant Mom.
Through it all, Mom and I kept holding hands. Every now and then one of us would squeeze, and the
other would squeeze back. Mom said a couple times that she was right there with me, and was never going to
leave me. She'd always be with me.
Suddenly my right arm was freed. I felt a breeze on my right side and realized they were cutting the
entire side off the car. Our car was a hatchback two-door, and now there was a big empty spot right beside my
seat, as if there'd always been a door there. They peeled it back and took it off along with Mom's door, then
started doing something about the dash.
The girl with us in the car said something about having to take Mom out first to make it easier to get to
me. That made sense. When I got in and out of the car all the time, I did it by flipping her seat forward and
wriggling in past the seat back. Even with the new hole in the side of the car, I'd still have to do that. I'd need lots
of help, too, what with the injuries to my legs. Strangely enough, they didn't hurt any more. Either that, or I was
used to the pain. Maybe they put something in the bag that was connected to the needle in my arm.
They slid in a big long board and put it under Mom, then started to unfold her and put her on it. At some
point, I had to let go of her hand, though I didn't like it. I called out to her, and she grunted and replied with my
name.
The girl beside me said to a guy dressed a lot like her, who was looking over my mother, "She's soooo
close to a trauma code, it's not funny."
"I know," he answered. "Helicopter's down now. We're on the way."
"Good luck," the girl said. "I'm sticking with this one."
"You too," the male medic nodded, and he and Mom were gone.
The pain came back to me pretty soon after that. The firefighters brought their Jaws of Life in and took
Mom's seat right out of the car. With nothing left to press against, my legs fell forward and dangled there. I
screamed.
"Bilateral ankles and tib-fibs too," the girl with me said. "Get that board in here."
They put me on another spineboard and started strapping me down. They put something in between my
legs and started to straighten them out, which hurt for a bit but then felt a lot more comfortable. My head was
held down with Velcro straps, and my body was buckled down with what felt like seat belts.
"Hon, we're getting ready to go, here," the girl medic said. "Just a little bit of a ride on a stretcher, then
we're going in an ambulance. Okay?"
"Are we going where my mom is?" I asked.
"Yeah, I think so," she nodded. "We'll go there."
"Not Sick Kids?" someone with her said.
She shook her head. "Nothing they can do with this," she told them, and then I was set, board and all, on
a stretcher.
I wanted to see my dad before we left, but I didn't know which way to look, and even if I did, I was still
strapped down quite firmly, with no chance of moving anything but my arms. The view I had was of two
streetlights as we rolled under them to go to the ambulance, then the ceiling of the ambulance as I was wheeled
into it.
"Okay," the girl said as she sat down in a chair beside my head. "Off we go. This might be a bit bumpy,
so I'm going to give you some more Morphine for the pain, okay?"
"'Kay," I said, reflexively trying to nod, and being unable to because of the restraints.
"And let's get some oxygen on her," she said to someone else. I looked to my right and saw that a
firefighter, in his yellow turnout pants and suspenders, but without his coat and helmet - just a blue uniform shirt was in a seat on my right side, at about my waist. He nodded and started setting up a mask, which he put over
my face.
Adrenaline was leaving me by this point, and all I wanted to do was stop. Period. I wanted to curl up into
a ball and cry; I wanted to just go to sleep and leave it all behind. I could feel the drugs taking effect, as my legs
weren't hurting anymore again, just throbbing.
On the edge of my perception, as I drifted through semi-consciousness, I heard the girl talking on a cell
phone. "Sunnybrook, this is 83 Bravo, paramedic Yung," she said. "We're en route to your location with a 13
year old female, back seat passenger in an MVA with associated fatality, prolonged extrication time.."
"MOM!" I shrieked as I woke up suddenly, sitting bolt upright.
Instantly, pain ripped through the lower half of my body. I had enough time to see both of my legs were
in casts and traction when suddenly someone burst into the room.
"Where's my mom?!" I demanded.
"Please!" the nurse said. "You have to lie down; you're going to hurt yourself."
A doctor joined us as I started really feeling the pain. I was screaming and clawing at the casts, as far as
I remember; it was a really hazy few moments.
"She's asking about her mother, poor thing," the nurse told the doctor. "How much should we tell her?"
"Nothing. That doesn't matter. Put her out!" the doctor said tersely. "She's going to dislodge something in
the surgical sites otherwise." He stomped over to the bedside and fiddled with my IV, putting a substance in via a
syringe. In a moment, he had to support me as I fell back towards the bed, out like a light again.
The next time I was awake, I don't even know if I truly was awake or not - only bits and pieces came to
me. I was unable to speak, with a tube in my throat. I had the sensation of being moved somewhere, rolling
along in my hospital bed.
"You realize that she still has at least a month or two to go before she could even stand on her own,"
someone said.
"That's fine," came the reply. "We will wait for her. She has been selected; this is only a formality, now."
The way they said 'selected' sounded almost like it should have been capitalized, if you know what I
mean. At the time, I couldn't understand it, partly because I didn't have the information I do now, and partly
because I was so drugged up that I couldn't tell up from down.
Suddenly, I found myself in the darkness again.
Who is this?
I realized that I was now seeing Jill stirring in the hospital bed, as if I was watching from a security
camera. In moments, she jerked awake and looked around, the tube down her throat preventing her from calling
out. I was watching myself awaken for the first time in Jill's body.
"This is.. me," I said.
"Are you certain?"
I looked towards the source of the voice and found the younger Jill, the one I'd seen/assumed the
identity of in the campground, standing before me.
"Sh-shouldn't I be?" I asked her.
"It is your choice to make," came another voice. To my other side, predictably, stood my old self, John.
"What does it matter?" I asked him.
"It obviously matters to you," Jill said. "Or else we would not be here."
"What?" I asked, turning back to her again. "What do you mean by that?"
"You've blocked out your earlier memories until now," Jill explained.
"What.. how I got hurt?" I said. "I didn't block them out, I just wasn't there for--"
"Naïve thinking," Jack interrupted. "If you were not Jill before you 'woke up', who was?"
"I don't know!" I shot back. "I guess I figured it was just some random.."
Jill took up the conversation after I trailed off in realization. "Only one soul can occupy a person," she
said with a smile. "You have always been here."
"Since you were born?" I said, shocked. "I've been Jill all along? How can I have been in two places at
once--"
"You weren't," Jill explained. "There is nothing that says May 25th, 2005 in one reality cannot precede
September 11th, 2001 in another."
"You will be able to remember it all," Jack said, "if you choose to do so."
"But.." I swung back to face him. "Then I'll lose you.. won't I?"
He chuckled and shook his head. "That which you have already had, can never be taken from you."
I turned to face Jill again. "I'm not sure I can do this."
"You have been doing it, already, for some months."
"That's not what I mean!" I protested. "I.."
"What do you mean?" both of them stereoed.
"I don't know," I answered quickly. "It just doesn't make sense."
"Why not?" they said in unison again.
"Because I don't remember it happening like that!" I shot back.
"You don't remember because you have shut it out," Jill said.
Jack added, "You felt you were shielding yourself from a traumatic experience."
I pondered that for a moment. "So if I get this straight now.. you both are parts of my mind.. arguing with
me. I'm not being probed by an Angel. I'm not going through Instrumentality or some bullshit like that."
"Correct," they said together, both smiling.
"So why am I tolerating this? Why am I letting you argue? Why isn't this a simple thing to solve?"
"Because you feared losing me," Jack said.
"And you feared knowing me," Jill added.
"But it doesn't have to be that way. You said so yourself."
"Correct," came the dual answer again.
"So why did this come up now?"
"You sustained a serious injury," Jill explained. "You instinctively regressed to the last time that
happened."
"The shower.. the shower? Oh shit!" I blurted out. "Am I gonna be okay?"
"You are," came the answer; this time, I couldn't differentiate between the two. It could have been one,
or the other, or both; it was impossible to tell.
"So are you saying I accepted myself remembering everything now?" I asked.
"You have," they responded.
"So what has this whole exchange been about, then? Why have I spent God knows how long talking with
you?"
I got the sensation of a smile from the two, as my vision faded to nothingness again. The one voice said,
"Would you expect anything less, given what you have experienced up to now?"
I blinked and opened my eyes to see the ceiling of the medical ward of the Geofront.
"Ow.." I whimpered, feeling a devastating headache washing over me. I curled up in a ball. "Holy shit..
oh, Jesus.. oh Christ.."
Part of that was from the pain I was feeling in my head. The other part was for the thoughts that were
coursing through that same part of my body.
I remembered it all. The hallucinatory mind-trip, the crash, the camping trip.. if I thought hard enough, I
could remember the rest of my youth. Yes, my youth. I'd been set straight; I knew who was Jill before me, and it
was me.
The realization of all these things was a little overwhelming all at once for my conscious mind. It took
about five minutes before I had enough cognitive horsepower to reach out and click the call button to get a nurse
in for some painkillers.
"Good afternoon!" she said far too chipperly as she strode in. "How are we today?"
"I feel like my brain is trying to escape," I moaned, not in the mood for small talk. "I need something for
the pain."
"Oh, yes, tch tch tch. We'll see about that right away." She didn't see to it right away, of course, instead
choosing to go over my vital signs and noting a bunch of shit in my chart before heading out and actually doing
anything about my headache.
An hour or two later, after the freight train in my skull had ebbed to a dull roar, and I'd sampled some of
the worst hospital food since I left Toronto, a knock came on the door and three people came in without waiting
for a response.
"Surprise!" Asuka sang out, leading Shinji and Rei in. "Good to have you back, Fourth!"
"Good to be back," I said with a determined grin, propping myself up. "How long was I out for?"
"Ten days! So your work is piling up, and you'd better get better fast before Hikari goes bonkers on you!"
"I'll give it a go when I get out," I smirked. Asuka nudged Shinji with a scowl, and I noticed he was
holding something in his hands. He held it out.
"We, uh, brought you this," he said, holding a bouquet of flowers clearly from the gift shop.
"Oh! Thanks, guys," I said, taking them and inhaling deeply, enjoying the fragrant smells that cut through
the dullness of the hospital. "I mean it. So.. did I miss anything?"
"Oh, only a power cut, an Angel, and a fight where we all collaborated together," Asuka crowed. "Nothing
special."
"Ouch! Sounds like I got the short end of the stick," I grinned. "Tell me about it."
"Well, first of all, we had to crawl through ridiculous conditions to get to the Geofront," Asuka began,
"but luckily, with my superior leadership skills, we managed to arrive just in time to fight the Angel.."
I listened, bits and pieces of the fight and the events surrounding it coming back to me as she told the
stories. It occurred to me at that point that I was starting to forget the events of the anime series more and more.
It wasn't some mystical force acting on me, though; it was no simpler than the fact I hadn't seen any episodes
lately. I knew the basic gist of how things were going to go, but the details had been fading fast since the
moment I woke up in the hospital in Toronto. That, plus the fact that my presence had altered things compared
to the storyline I'd 'known', meant that I was going to have to start dealing in the now, and reacting as things
happened.
That was just fine with me, as was the whole Jill/John ordeal. All things considered, I was quite happy to
still be alive and kicking. I wouldn't have given anything to skip the experiences I'd already had, and would
continue to have.
Eventually, as the painkillers started to wear off again, Shinji detected it first and suggested they give me
some peace and quiet. Surprisingly enough, Asuka agreed with him, and began to usher the three of them out of
the room. While Asuka was busy literally shoving Shinji out, Rei hung back and spoke with me.
"Pilot Thomson."
"Yeah, Rei?" I said, holding my head.
"I look forward to your return to active duty."
I looked up at her. Her expression was the same as it always had been.
"Yeah, Rei," I said, wincing with the pain. "Me too. Thanks for the concern."
She nodded, turned, and headed out of the room to rejoin the others.
Chapter Twelve: Back in the Saddle
I was kept in the hospital a day or three more. I didn't mind; the headache that was still hanging around
was keeping me from doing much more than moving gently and whimpering anyway. I wasn't happy at spending
yet more time in hospital, but there's not much you can do sometimes.
I was visited one day by Misato Katsuragi, which was a surprise.
"Hi, neighbor," I greeted her. "Good to see you."
"And you as well," she said, in a friendly tone but with a flatness to it, as if the pleasantries were a
necessary evil of sorts, a mandatory but pointless step.
"What's up?" I asked, trying to gauge her true emotions via her expression.
She sat on the side of the bed and faced me. "How are you feeling?" she asked.
"Not bad," I acknowledged. "They did a brain scan today. Came back negative, of course."
She didn't laugh at the joke, though she did smile slightly. It took me a second to notice the changed
insignia on her jacket collar. Oh, yeah - she's a Major now. "Oh! It appears I should be congratulating you."
"Thanks," she said, again smiling faintly. "I need to know something, though. Do you feel up to piloting?"
"Now? Today?" I asked, and was answered with a nod. "I guess so, though I wouldn't mind some
painkillers before I leave here."
"All right," she said, nodding again. "We'll make that happen. I will have a plugsuit delivered."
"I gather there's an Angel on the way?" I hazarded.
"Yes," she said simply, looking down at her feet. "I need all four of you to make this work."
"You can count on us," I promised. "We'll get the job done."
She sat there for a moment, then asked, "Why is it you do this, Jill?"
"What?" I asked. "You mean.. why do I pilot Eva?"
She answered with a silent nod, then looked at me.
"I was asked to," I shrugged. "And.. it's exciting. To me, at least. And I've always thrived on excitement
and adventure."
"What about praise?" Misato asked softly.
"Praise?" I echoed. "Well, it's certainly not something I'd turn down," I said with a joking tone. "Are you
asking if I need praise to do my job?"
"I'm not sure," she said. "But now that you've brought it up.. do you?"
I decided to weave truth and lie again. "My parents had a firefighter friend back home," I told her. "He
always said he would do the job no matter what. He would say, 'Thankyous are rare in this business.. the work is
its own reward'. In other words, people by their nature tend not to be outwardly grateful towards those who make
the world a better place. I kind of agree with that philosophy. I'm not in this for the money, or to get a ticker-tape
parade. I know that the majority of the people who the Evangelions protect may never know their saviors. That
doesn't bother me. Having done the job right is what's important to me."
All through the spiel, Misato stared at me. "Are you sure you're just 14?" she finally said at the end.
I laughed a little. "Sometimes I wonder," I said, keeping the joke to myself. "Anyway.. when do we
begin?"
"Begin..?" Misato said, then remembered why she'd come in the first place. "Oh! Yes, of course. You
need to be in the Cage by 12:35 for activation at 13:00, to be in position by 14:00."
"Okay, deal," I nodded. "I'll be there."
It felt like ages since I'd been in the Eva.
My head still hurt, but the painkillers were ebbing it somewhat. Still, just the thought of the 'neural clips'
funneling things through my mind made me want to cringe. I had no idea what would happen given my head
injury, but presumably, Misato and/or Dr. Akagi did, and trusted me.
Or they could be just that desperate, I thought to myself, waiting for the plug to fill and the startup
sequence to begin.
I decided that if I had anything to say about it, my clock wasn't going to get punched quite yet. I was
feeling as if I'd been recharged with the energies of life. My little epiphany, or trip down memory lane, or
whatever you'd like to dub it, made me want to keep on going all that much more.
I wasn't a placeholder for this child in the last gasp of humanity. This was my life. Mine to do with what I
wished.
And I wished to live it as fully as I could muster.
My headache dropped off even further as the Eva's startup sequence began; that made sense, after I
thought about it for a second, considering the symbiotic nature of the link between pilot and bio-machine.
I waited for the signals to come up as they usually did, but something seemed off. The feedback I was
getting from Sangouki was ever-so-slightly different.
It wasn't bad, or unsettling; just not what I was expecting. At the time, I couldn't place a finger on it, so to
speak. It didn't seem to hamper any important functions, so I reported ready.
"All four of you, once launched, proceed to the designated starting points as marked on your screens,"
Misato ordered.
"That's an awfully big area," Shinji commented.
"It's the best prediction the Magi can make," Ritsuko cut in.
"Correct," Misato added. "Once the Angel's touchdown point is predicted, that data will be sent to your
screens as well. You must all converge upon that point and spread your AT Fields, to catch the Angel."
"This is imposs--" Asuka began to complain.
Rei unintentionally cut her off. "Roger," the pilot of 00 said.
"Acknowledged," I chimed in, hoping my friend would let the matter drop.
"Fine, fine," she responded, then grumbled something too low for the mikes to hear.
Shinji answered in the affirmative too, and at that point we were launched. I found myself on the side of a
hill, near a temple, not far from the school. A helper crew with a scissors lift was there to offer me an umbilical.
"03, ready and waiting," I said when it came to be my turn.
We stood ready for quite some time - well, not hours, but minutes, though of course it seemed like ages.
During the delay, I heard something unusual on the audio channel, and realized after a moment, it was Asuka
humming. Further investigation revealed she was humming along to tunes she was listening to on her music
player.
"Hey, Second!" I called out, turning her usual nickname for me around on her. "How'd you manage to
make your MP3 player survive LCL?"
"Se-cret," she said with a smile, eyes remaining shut as she bopped along to the tune.
"I'll weasel it out of you eventually," I said. "You can tell me now, or you can tell me later."
"Unit 03, keep this channel open for priority updates," Misato said curtly.
"Roger," I replied meekly, suitably chastised. That was fine; Asuka would give up her methods one way
or the other, before long. I had visions of charging into battle with P.O.D.'s Boom or something like that playing,
and I wasn't about to give up on the idea.
"Angel visually sighted!" Aoba suddenly called out. "Maximum magnification! Altitude 25,000!"
"All Evas, make ready," Misato ordered, in an urgent but decisive voice. Everyone crouched like
sprinters, preparing to spring into action on the word go.
I glanced at the radar/map display to see where I would be heading, and found the most likely target was
a knobby sort of hill near the center of where we'd been situated. Those Magi machines are pretty good, I found
myself musing.
"Let's go!" Shinji bellowed, leaping forward, both actions catching me off-guard; I'd been expecting
someone from HQ to give the final word to move out. Asuka and Rei were already well underway by the time I
jettisoned the umbilical and set off to join them.
"20,000! .. 18,000!" Aoba went on. I so wanted to shut him off, but it would have taken time I didn't have
while working the controls, trying to catch up with the others.
C'mon! Move! I urged the Eva, even though it was running at a speed that would shame almost anything
that could travel across the Earth. I didn't want to be the failure of this plan. I was already going to be last to the
hill; if I didn't get there and deploy my AT Field in time, the whole thing might be a loss. Sure, three Evas had
done it in the show, but as I've said before, I was putting less and less stock in what I'd seen and more and more
in how things were unfolding before me.
My pleas were apparently heard; I half-scrambled, half-fell up the hill just as Asuka and Rei were joining
Shinji under the blobby orange thing. I felt the pressures of their AT Fields kick in a fraction of a second before
my own was expanded, at my command; describing how I do such a thing, or what it feels like in terms of
feedback from the Eva, is pointless, as it's another of those things that defies description in words.
One would have thought that with its downward motion arrested, the danger from the Angel's attack was
past; however, somehow, I got the feeling that it was still storing up its kinetic energy in its own AT Field,
somehow bypassing the laws of physics at will, and would still make just as big a splash if any of us slipped.
"Units 02 and 03! Spread your field to maximum!" Rei commanded.
"I'm already doing it!" Asuka shot back. I just pushed harder, even though I was already feeling like I was
trying to lift a building - by myself, without my Eva.
Rei relaxed her grip with one arm, and the pressure increased just as much. I pushed yet harder again
against the beast's field, as Rei snatched up her prog knife and slashed at the octagonally-rippled energy before
us, tearing a rend in it which she wedged open with one hand, pressing directly against the Angel's core.
"Go Asuka!" I cried out. She too had her knife at the ready, and swung a two-handed uppercut at the
core, driving the knife into it, all the way up to the handle. The AT Field fizzled and vanished, and all of us found
ourselves no longer pushing against a tremendous wall of inertia, but still, dealing with a ridiculous amount of
mass.
Shinji was the first to go; the ground literally gave way underneath him and split, driving 01 waist-deep
into the earth. From that point, it was all over; even though the Angel had lost, it would partially win, causing
damage to each of us as the weight became too much to bear. Rei was knocked flat on her back due to her offbalance pose. Asuka was determined to hang on to her knife, and I simply couldn't last against such
overwhelming mass, and collapsed, squashed flat to the ground on 'my' stomach.
"Owww... asshole," I complained, partly winded by the dying Angel's crushing impact. As I looked over
my shoulder, I saw the core begin to emit light and heat, and in a moment, a thunderous explosion washed over
me.
The Eva handled the blast well, considering it was at the epicenter more or less. I knew we were being
tumbled about for a bit, but the enormity of the situation wouldn't become evident until the smoke cleared.
"Is everyone all right?" Rei asked, the radio comms scratchy and weak.
"I-I'm okay," Shinji called out. "I think main comms are down."
"Fine," Asuka replied. "Visibility zero!"
"03 is here," I responded. "Same with me. What about damage?"
"Minimal," Rei said, her choice of words matching her verbosity.
"I.. I think something's wrong with my Eva's legs," Shinji said.
"Oh great! What now?" Asuka snapped.
"Asuka, take it easy," I suggested. "He was driven into the ground pretty hard. Shinji, can you stand?"
"Yes, I'm standing up," he clarified. "I just hurt a lot. In my legs.. like I did in my arm when the Eva's arm
got broken."
"So you strained a muscle or two," Asuka replied. "Who cares? We won!"
"It would appear so," Rei cut in. "But we should try to get into the clear first to confirm. Besides, we are
all running on limited battery power."
"Right," I said. "Radar says we should head southeast. I'm moving."
Three steps brought me to a curved slope of some sort. I realized it was the base of a crater, and started
to try to climb my way up the side, reporting my findings to the others.
"I see you," Shinji declared. I looked up and there he was, to my left, about 100 meters away. I made the
Eva give a little wave in his direction.
Comms returned at about the same time the smoke, dust, and debris began clearing, as we were
halfway up out of the crater. "Command to Eva units. Someone, respond!"
"We're here," Asuka called out. "Mission accomplished!"
"Well done, you four!" Ritsuko replied, voice filled with relief. "We were a little worried there."
"No problems," Asuka continued. "Not when there's a steak dinner on the line!"
"Say again?" Dr. Akagi said, confused.
"Unit 01," Maya cut in, concern in her tone. "Report your status."
"I'm fine," Shinji said, his voice a little strained. "Just aching a little."
"Sensors show that the lower ligaments and tendons were subjected to 176% of their maximum
allowable stress," Maya reported to Ritsuko.
"Recover Unit 01 first," Misato immediately said. "Have the other three find umbilicals and wait their turn
in numerical order."
"Acknowledged," Rei said softly, already picking up a socket one of us had dropped earlier.
"Got it," I said, heading over to rendezvous with another.
"Geez.. why does he always get the special treatment?" Asuka grumbled, moving on as well.
"He's hurt," I explained. "Misato's probably sweating bricks right now that she dented Dad's car the first
night he left her the keys."
"What?" Asuka said, completely confused, and clearly irritated at my response.
"Never mind," I said, hunkering down and watching the display go to all 8's as I hooked up. "It was a bad
joke, anyway."
Misato had the lot of us gathered in the command center afterwards. Asuka kept on going on about the
reward dinner, as if she was needling Misato and making sure the latter wouldn't forget it. Rei, Shinji, and I just
stood there.
Major Katsuragi had one of the techs open comms to Ikari, whereever he was - the South Pole,
retrieving the Spear of Longinus, if memory served me. In any case, he was on the horn, and received the full
briefing from Misato, who all but groveled before him, taking the full blame for Sho's damages.
"It's to be expected," came the indifferent reply. "This was a success by any measure. Just ensure you
have the appropriate paperwork completed as soon as possible."
"Y-yes, sir," Misato said, taken aback.
"And compliment the pilots on a job well done," he added. "They should all be proud of their work today."
Shinji's eyes widened in response to the comment, as Misato replied to the audio-only commlink,
"They're all right here, actually, sir."
Ikari spent a couple moments complimenting Shinji directly. I found myself wondering why he was
getting singled out, or more precisely, why Ikari had suddenly found it necessary to acknowledge his son's
efforts. Perhaps being in the godless wasteland that had been Antarctica made him think about things.
I put it out of my head fairly quickly, as the conversation ended; Misato told us to go change and be
ready to head out shortly. I started to turn away, but was called to stay behind 'for a moment'.
The others departed, and I turned back to face Misato and Ritsuko. Neither looked impressed, and I was
a little concerned by that. I became a lot more worried when they told the command center crew to take a break.
That left me alone with the two officers.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Your sync rate is up 11 points," Ritsuko said plainly.
"Isn't that a good th--"
"No," Misato interrupted, folding her arms across her chest. "Not when it's coupled with a performance
like you had today. What were you thinking?"
I realized they'd noticed my few seconds of lag upon Shinji's command to go. I told them the truth: "I
wasn't expecting the order to move out to come from a fellow pilot," I explained. "I had been anticipating it to
come from you, Major."
"Shinji could have seen something from his vantage point that we couldn't detect here," Misato shot
back. "You were expecting to be idle until someone said otherwise. You should be doing the opposite. Be like a
coiled spring, ready to jump at the word, unless explicitly told not to."
I felt a little miffed that such a big deal was being made out of a little slip-up, but I kept my opinions to
myself. "Yes, ma'am," I replied.
"Normally, this wouldn't be such a concern, but the problem is, your feedback scores indicate you should
have been improving. Do you understand what we're saying?" Ritsuko explained.
"Are you worried that I'll perform even worse at the levels I was at before today?"
"Not necessarily," Ritsuko said before Misato could answer. "But the situation is a paradoxical one. If you
don't have any explanation for the results, I might need to recommend offlining Unit 03 and putting you through
synchronization testing starting right back at step one."
I blinked, surprised. What could I tell them? 'I had a dream during my coma that let me remember
everything I'd forgotten from before coming to Nerv, which oh by the way you didn't know I'd forgotten, did you?'
After a few seconds of thought, what I hoped was the right answer came to me.
"My head is still a little sore from that fall I took," I said. As if my body was reminded of the accidental
injury at that moment, the back of my head began to throb. "It was distracting me a little. I'm sorry. Please.. if I
need to come test every day for the rest of the week, or the month, to prove my fitness to you, I'll do it. But don't
take me away from my friends and colleagues. With all due respect and no conceit meant, they need me. Just as
much as I need them. We are a team."
The two women studied me for a moment or three. "That will be all, Pilot," Misato finally said.
Had she decided one way or the other? Did I miss it? "Maj--"
"Go change, Jill," she said, turning to attend to something else. "The longer we are tied up here, the later
your friends will have to wait for us."
Defeatedly, I turned and headed for the door. As it opened, my face reddened and I looked to the metal
flooring under my feet. Hanging around outside the door, chatting, as they waited to be let back in the command
center, were Aoba, Hyuga, Ibuki, and their two co-workers. They fell silent as I stepped into their midst and then
out again, swiftly walking past them, trying not to make eye contact.
Changing and showering (and sticking close to a wall, one hand resting on it, for safety's sake), I started
putting on my street clothes - evidently, Asuka had been nice enough to bring in something from my place, since
I'd come straight from the medical wing to the changeroom. My thoughts, it need not be said, were muddled and
upset at that point. If this is how they deal with a slip-up, what'll happen if there's a total failure?
I found Misato waiting outside the changeroom, arms folded, leaning against the wall. As she spotted
me, she said "Ready?" in an upbeat tone, and started walking towards the street level exit.
I blinked, caught off guard, and hurried to catch up with her. "Major," I called out.
"Sorry about that back there," she said, gesturing sort of towards where the command center was.
"Ritsuko needed convincing that.."
"That what?" I asked, as she trailed off.
"Nothing. Never mind," she said, a look of embarrassment on her face, calling the elevator.
I studied her for a moment, and then decided to press onward. "That you could cut it as the commander
in chief?" I hazarded.
Misato looked at me, just angling her eyes my way slightly. We remained that way for a long moment,
until the elevator doors parted. "You're far too observant, you know that?"
"I'm sorry," I said, following her into the lift. "I just figure you must be under a serious kind of pressure
right now since all this is in your lap. And I know I was off my timing for the mission. I--"
"You certainly were," Misato agreed.
"Right," I continued. "And knowing Dr. Akagi, she made some kind of comment about it at the time. I'm
sorry. It was a lapse which won't happen again."
Misato sighed, puffing her bangs out of her face. "You're right," she said.
"I don't follow," I said, confused.
"About why we held you back and talked with you," Misato replied, looking to the ceiling. "Under normal
circumstances, I would've just brought it up tonight at dinner, or something. But I wanted to show Ritsuko that I
had my finger on the pulse of NERV." She looked down to me. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry," I shrugged. "I did screw up, after all. Consider me chastised, and let's go eat. Right?"
Misato smirked. "I'll give you a ride," she offered, "if you don't mind me stopping at an ATM first."
Chapter Thirteen: Inner Space
Autumn was settling in - or would be, if the seasons hadn't been so screwed up by Second Impact - and
with it came a round of exams at school. As usual, Asuka and I had it a little easier than the others; we helped
each other out, in terms of studying, and took it easy otherwise.
"Howdy, neighbor," I said, one day, as I was coming back to the apartment after picking up some things
from the store. The recipient of my greeting was Shinji, who I met at the elevator - me coming in, and he going
out. "Where're you headed?"
"Oh.. good afternoon, Thomson-san," he said, still using the honorific with me despite my requests
otherwise. "I'm.. going studying with.." He blushed slightly.
"With?" I said, smirking. "Now you're going to have to tell me."
"A-ayanami," he stammered. This caught me off guard; I had half-expected him to say he was meeting
Asuka at school or something.
"Oh," I said, a little stunned. Shinji nodded and used the pause to slip past me, bowing a little as the
elevator doors closed between us.
"You look confused about something, Fourth," Asuka called out as I walked back to the apartment. She
was on the balcony, with all the doors of the Katsuragi household open, letting the warm breeze flow right
through.
"I didn't know Shinji was studying with Rei," I said, inviting myself in and putting my food on the table for
the moment. "When did that start?"
"Oh, who knows?" Asuka said with a derisive tone. "I have no idea what he sees in her, anyway."
His mother's chromosomes, I didn't blurt out. "Probably not for us to ponder in any case. What are you
up to?"
"Airing the place out," the German girl replied. "These Japanese places are so stuffy sometimes."
"I know what you mean," I nodded, even if I didn't really share the sentiment. "Where's the boss?"
"At work," she shrugged. "Something about preparing for another test for us or something."
"You'd think they'd have enough test data to keep them preoccupied for years, wouldn't you?" I smirked.
"At least it gets us out of school, right?"
"Ja," she said emphatically. "Though, with exams this month, we still have to make them up another
day."
"All the more time to prepare.. or put it off," I winked.
Asuka grinned and nodded, coming inside and rummaging through the groceries I'd set down. I said
nothing as she helped herself to one of my Cokes. "Hey, I got a question for you," she said once she'd taken a
good pull from the bottle. "You've changed since you were in the hospital."
"That's not a question," I shot back right away, interrupting her. My brain hadn't yet processed the 'meat'
of what she'd said.
"Baka! Shut up and let me finish," she snapped. "You were out for pretty much ten days straight. Now
you're acting.. different."
"How am I acting 'differently'?" I said.
"You're.." Asuka began, trying to put it into words. Apparently, not only was it something I hadn't noticed
myself, it defied verbal description as well. "Different!" she retorted.
"Let's sit down," I said, deciding to come clean about a couple of things. "May I?"
Asuka nodded, and took a chair on the opposite side of the table as me. I pulled one of the other Cokes
out of the grocery bag and twisted off its top, taking a drink.
"I did dream while I was out," I admitted. "I guess you could call it a dream. I relived a bunch of things
that happened to me in the past."
"Okay," Asuka said, willing to accept the way the conversation was starting.
"Asuka, up until now, I never remembered the accident," I explained. "The crash that killed my parents.
The one I almost died in."
"And it came back to you now?" she hazarded after a moment's pause, growing unusually soft-spoken
(for her, at least).
I nodded, looking down at my hands gripping the plastic container. "I guess my brain kind of shut it out
since it was such a traumatic event, emotionally," I said. "That and maybe there's something in us that makes it
hard to remember things when you're hurt really badly. But now, I have every last moment, up here--" I took one
hand off the bottle momentarily, to tap a temple "--and in vivid living color."
"I'm.. sorry," Asuka said, seemingly searching for words.
I looked up at her and smiled faintly. "For what?"
"Bringing up painful memories," she answered.
"It's not painful," I said, shaking my head. "Not all, in any case. I remember my mom and my dad now,
which I was finding hard to do before. It was like I was blocking all my childhood memories, and now they're
back open again. If I have to deal with a little pain to remember all the stuff that's gone on, so be it."
Asuka fell silent at that point, and I suddenly figured out what she must have been thinking of. I
pondered my next move for a few moments before making it. "I didn't mean it that way."
"What way?" Asuka said, responding quickly as if startled.
"I can tell we've been down the same road," I said. "I can see it in you."
"I don't want to talk about it," she frowned.
"That's fine," I said, taking another pull from the Coke. "But if you ever do, I'll listen. At least grant me
that, as your friend. As someone who knows what it's like."
Asuka looked up at me; she'd sunken to the table, resting her chin in between folded arms. She didn't
say a word.
I sat there in silence as well, taking another sip from the drink, and pulling out a chocolate bar for
something to chew on. As an afterthought, I pulled out another from the bag, and tossed it across the table.
"Thanks," Asuka muttered, peeling back the foil wrapper and biting off a chunk of chocolate-covered
wafer.
"No problem, Second," I replied.
A few days later, we were in for testing, and my friend was back to her fiery, explosive self.
"What?" Asuka roared. "I will not do anything of the sort!"
"The cameras have been shut off," Ritsuko Akagi's voice wafted over the intercom system. "There'll be
nobody watching. We respect your privacy."
"It's the principle of the thing!" Asuka shot back. We were, of course, in the 'ultra-clean room', each of us
nude, in a half-assed, barely-partitioned shower-type stall at one end of a room, with the exit towards the
simulation room all the way across the empty expanse, about fifteen meters away.
"It's required, in order to prevent bio-contamination," Akagi replied. "As you pass through the room, you
will undergo final decontamination before entering the entry plugs."
"Asuka, I can make it an order," Misato's voice warned.
"This is humiliating," the German girl whined.
"Asuka, they're gonna make us do it no matter what," I pointed out. "Let's just get it out of the way."
"Some friend you are!" she snapped back.
"Who goes first?" I asked, trying to press the issue, to just get it over with.
"Not me, that's for sure! Idiot Shinji will have his eyes all over--"
"S-shut up!" the Third Child cut her off.
"I will begin," Rei spoke up, putting her hand on the stall door.
"Like hell you will!" Asuka retorted. "We'll all go together, and all of you keep your eyes forward! That
goes double for you, Shinji!"
Ikari's only response was a sigh.
"On three," Asuka declared. "One, two.. three!"
All four stall doors opened and all four of us took a step forward. I presumed this from the sound, of
course; my peripheral vision didn't allow me the visage of Rei beside me nor Asuka or Shinji beyond her, and to
my other side was the right-hand wall.
Slowly, as if in a funeral march, we all made our way across the room. I was half expecting a mist or
laser light or something to pass over me, for the 'final decontamination' Akagi had hinted at, but it never came.
"Um, Asuka?" Shinji said as we approached three-quarters of the way across the room.
"Ack! What is it?!" she snapped.
"The door.. it's only wide enough for one of us at a time," he observed.
I couldn't help it; I snickered at that revelation. Okay, it was more of a snort.
"Just for that, Fourth, you're first!" Asuka raged.
"Fine," I shot back, trying not to laugh. "You're sure we shouldn't go in Children order?"
Asuka growled; I knew full well she was pissed at the thought of Shinji staring at her backside. "Shut up!"
While I did think she was overreacting, I also thought the Doctor's methods were suspect too. What
purpose did this serve? Why send us through all at once, instead of one at a time? Was there something else at
work here, or was I looking for connections that weren't there?
Regardless, I made my way to the sim plug marked 03, and climbed in. It was, to me, little different than
being in a plugsuit. The stupid things were so snug that it was almost like not wearing anything, anyway.
At long last, all four plugs were occupied, and the test began. I sat and tried to focus; I didn't know if the
fact that I was having trouble was because of my recent personal revelations, the incessant chatter from the
control room, irritation at Asuka's tantrum, worry over trying to remember what was supposed to happen during
this test, or some genuine fault in the synchronization process. Or a combination of any or all of those factors.
"How do you feel?" Akagi asked.
"Odd," Rei said, answering minimally as usual.
"It's different than the other times," Shinji spoke up.
"My right arm is clear, but the rest is all fuzzy," Asuka said, her venom having drained back to whereever
it goes when it's dormant.
"I can't describe it, but I feel weird all over," I called out. "Like I'm on the verge of syncing but not quite
there yet."
Akagi took all this in and continued with the test. I did as instructed when my turn came, and things
improved slightly, but not by much. The sensations continued to be fuzzy, even when we were linked to the sim
bodies.
At one point, Rei made a grunting noise and I felt a tremor go through my sim body, as if someone had
jumped into the pool it was in, cannonball-style. As the science staff were telling one another that Rei's sim body
was moving, I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. Distantly, I heard Ibuki say that mine was in motion as well.
"That's impossible!" Akagi shouted.
For all the horsepower you got up in your brain, I remember thinking, while struggling with the sensations
coming back from the sim body, you sure do spend a lot of time saying something can't be happening when it
already is.
There was a whump sound/sensation from the sim bodies' tank, and I felt like my legs were on fire.
Shortly after that, the crushing feeling of riding the launch rails pressed me into my seat, but I couldn't figure out
how that was happening. The sim bodies were tethered to the tank by thousands of thick cables attached to their
necks. And the sim plugs were..
Oh, crap. The sim plugs had been ejected. In the amount of time it took me to realize that, the fact that I
was no longer feeling the sim body was registering on my consciousness. I was now just a pilot - and a naked
one, at that - rocketing away to God knows where inside a metal tube.
All but the emergency life-support power was off, but the motion could be felt through the LCL and the
walls of the plug. The acceleration sensation ended suddenly, and it transitioned roughly into a bobbing, rocking
motion.
It took another moment to realize what had happened. We're on the lake. The underground body of
water that dominated the 'floor' of the Geofront was our most likely destination.
I had no confirmation that there was any 'we' to it, though. I reached down and tried to establish a
comms link with someone.
"Asuka? Can you hear me? It's Jill."
There was no response.
"Sim plug 03 to Dr. Akagi."
I was met with silence.
Great. Not only was I trapped in an escape capsule, for all intents and purposes, but I was inert and cut
off from the rest of the world too. For all I knew, an Angel could be attacking..
Oh shit! I cursed to myself as I remembered what was supposed to be happening outside. There is an
Angel attacking.. right now!
Not much I could do about it at that point, I realized. I couldn't even decide if I should open the hatch. If I
was upright, fine; if it had rolled inverted, or was still tumbling, the thing could capsize and sink, possibly with me
in it. Didn't an astronaut catch major shit in the early days for letting his capsule go down once he returned to
Earth?
It took another few moments to realize that the LCL had been purged and I was breathing air again.
Makes sense; if I'm all by my lonesome, there's nothing to keep the pumps circulating the fluid.
My mind wanted to go back to the part where I knew there was an Angel and didn't do anything to warn
anyone of it. How can you justify that? I found myself being asked. What if saying something could have averted
all this?
My first thoughts were of trying to get people to believe that I knew what I did, and having to explain how
and why I knew it. However, my analytical side and my rational side weren't on speaking terms at that moment.
Do you think it's right to just sit back and watch it all unfold? I asked myself. Do you want to see Rei die?
Or Asuka turn into a comatose shell of herself?
I didn't want to confront these thoughts. I had been down this road before in my mind, and in my dreams,
and I had no way of coming up with a viable solution. So I didn't want to think of it at all.
That's pathetic, I found myself being chastised. You are so much more than the sum of your parts. Of all
the people in this place, you are the only one who can do something about it.
"I can't!" I railed at myself, voice echoing off the insides of the plug. What could I do? March into Gendo's
office and tell him I knew what was up? Tell Shinji to stop being such a wuss and learn to like himself?
Tell Asuka I knew where her mom was?
That last thought distracted me, finally, from that line of thinking. Who is inside 03? I once again
wondered. It couldn't be my mother; she died in Toronto, long before I even got to Nevada and saw 03 for the
first time. If I believed the way things had unfolded in the show, it should be someone close to me.
Or is it maybe Toji's mom? I found myself thinking, before I shut down that idea; I'd already decided that,
in this version of events, Suzuhara had nothing to do with 03. Perhaps 04, maybe.
My mind jumped onto yet another set of tracks with the thoughts of 04. Will it still be lost in Nevada? I
wondered. The absence of the Massachusetts branch in this realm made me wonder if that too would change.
"Stop it!" I yelled out loud. I was regressing back into the doubtful, over-analytical sort I'd been in the
past, and I had no desire to go back there. I'd long since decided to not worry about the way things might go,
and instead, deal with things as they happened.
Asuka, with her arm split in half and blood gushing from a ruptured eyeball, flashed into my mind.
Fuck off! I thought, shaking my head violently as if it would exorcise the image.
I tried to argue with myself that my mere presence was altering how things would happen, and that
there'd be plenty of time to address things like Asuka's downfall or Rei's demise as they presented themselves.
Despite that, I felt a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, as if I didn't really believe I was capable of doing it.
Or maybe it was because I hadn't yet been able to retch the last bits of LCL out of me. What the fuck is
taking so long??
As if someone was waiting to hear me think that, power abruptly came back on inside the plug. "--d alert
has been canceled. Red alert has been canceled," I heard a computerized voice say.
"Hello? Can anyone hear me? What's going on?" Shinji asked.
Asuka, of course, was much more concerned about how she was going to save her dignity upon
departure.
"Sim plug 03 reporting in," I called out. "We need rescue, we're on the lake."
"Is anyone hurt?" Fuyutsuki responded, worriedly.
"No!" Asuka cut in. "But we're--"
"Sit tight," the vice-commander responded. "We'll be picking you up shortly."
As the line went silent, I asked Asuka, "Were you going to tell them we're naaaaaaked!!?"
"Shut up, Fourth!" she said in response to my teasing. "You should be more modest, you know!"
"Don't you find it odd that neither Rei nor Shinji are complaining?" I pointed out. "Do you not see the way
you're making Mount Fuji out of an ant hill?"
"H-hey! Leave me out of this!" Shinji protested.
"Pilot Ikari and I have already been in close proximity without clothes on," Rei contributed.
One could almost hear the screeching and rumbling of the train of thought of the group derailing and
wiping out a small mountain town somewhere. Asuka bellowed, "What?!"
Shinji was sputtering, and I was guessing I knew what Rei meant - the time Shinji had come to her
apartment and inadvertently walked in on her in the shower. At least, I hoped that's what it was about.
Shinji tried to plead his case, and I tried not to blurt out laughing, while Rei offered no further
explanation.
The sim plug bumped up against something, which I realized was a boat when I heard the motor
spooling down. Asuka railed, "Shinji, you pervert!!"
Chapter Fourteen: Treading Lightly
"Of course I'm normal!"
This was yet again another outburst from Asuka, as all four of us were ensconced within Evas for
another performance evaluation. This time, Rei was in Sho, and Shinji in Zero; Asuka and I were in our
respective regular Evangelions. Asuka's retort was in response to chatter between Dr. Akagi and various
technicians, about the state of the connections and functions of each Eva.
"How do you feel, Shinji?" Akagi asked.
"Strange," he replied. After further prodding, he said, "It ...smells like Rei."
Asuka, of course, didn't appreciate that remark, despite hearing Rei say the reciprocal a few minutes
previously, before she disembarked 01 and went to the observation deck. Misato got Asuka distracted by
explaining why she was the only one who hadn't swapped seats with someone else yet to date.
"Jill? How are you doing?"
"Fine," I answered Ritsuko. "No anomalies on my end." Well, none besides the feeling of comfort that
I've been getting from San as of late. I still wasn't sure it was something I should be worried about; for all I knew,
it was just that the soul inside the Eva was becoming accustomed to me.
I had my eyes shut, trying to 'feel' the Eva and sync with it as much as I could, when on the edge of my
consciousness, I heard Shinji let out a strangled cry. Coming back to reality, I saw that 00 was trembling and
struggling against its restraints.
"Shinji! Don't fight it! Try to get it under control," I called out.
"It is pointless," Rei said over the comm, while the techs panicked. "Pilot Ikari cannot stop Unit Zero."
I looked over at her onscreen image, looking away from the action just in time to miss 00 tear the
restraints from the walls and lurch toward the observation deck.
"Scheiße!" Asuka bit out. We were powerless to do anything, forgive the pun; besides being restrained
ourselves, the tech team had forcibly ejected the power umbilicals from each Eva, putting us all on reserve,
which was far from fully charged.
Zerogouki reared back with an arm and punched the windows of the ob deck for all it was worth. Even
though I remembered the visual from the show, I was surprised at how well the superstructure held up. What
was even more surprising was watching Rei stand there, unflinching, on the other side of the Lexan.
Again and again the Eva hammered the windows, putting massive semi-spherical dents in the wall.
Eventually, it caved in and the fist almost went all the way through, but got hung up on something - perhaps the
floor joists of the ob deck itself. I found myself wondering what scene we would have been treated to if Zero had
breached the room fully - would it bring out a blue-haired victim or a blonde one? Or perhaps someone else
entirely?
Zero turned away after failing to make entry into the ob deck, and started ramming its head into the
adjacent wall. Despite the deadly serious nature of the whole incident, I had a comical thought enter my head;
whoever was working on the other side of that wall, perhaps in an adjacent Cage or in a related work station,
probably just had the living daylights scared out of them.
Over and over, for reasons that still to this day defy my grasp, Eva 00 pounded its head against the wall.
I can't begin to speculate why it was doing that; was it trying to harm itself, or pound its way free of the test
cage? Or was it hoping to harm its pilot/invader?
The power ran down on Zero slightly ahead of the rest of us, since it was expending its energies
thrashing away at things. The last thing I saw before the screens went dark was the head and torso slumping
forward, as if exhausted, collapsing against the damaged wall.
After we were all ejected from the Evas and 'recovered', the first thing I wanted to do is find out if Rei
was all right. I hadn't had the best of views from my angle, when 00 had begun smashing up the ob deck, and
just because I remembered her being pulled to safety in the show didn't mean anything.
Yellow tape and guards cordoned off access to the entire area. I managed to get one of the guards to tell
me that she was fine and was released into her own custody, for lack of a better term. I thought about things,
and how she behaved differently than I 'remembered', and took an educated guess.
Rei was standing beside Shinji's bed when I entered the hospital room.
The latter was unconscious; a condition forced upon him, so I was told by the doctors, to allow his mind
to stabilize and heal itself while not having to worry about his conscious body functions. Whatever; despite my
past training as an EMT, these docs were way over my head, dealing every day in things that might as well have
been magic for all I was concerned.
The First Child stood there staring at Shinji, wordlessly. She didn't turn to see me as I entered, nor did
she acknowledge my presence when I arrived at her side. I found myself not wanting to disturb her, if she was
deep in thought as I believed, so I stayed quiet.
Finally, she broke the silence. "He will survive," she said softly. "The mental contamination did no
permanent damage."
"That's good," I answered in just as quiet a tone. "There was a lot that could have gone wrong there."
I was referring to her undaunting stand at the ob deck windows. She seemed to pick up on it, and said,
just as emotionlessly, "Don't fear for me."
"Why not?" I said, playing dumb. "I like you. You're my friend; I don't want to see you get hurt."
She turned to regard me by the time I was halfway through the second sentence. She stared at me for a
long moment, silently, and then spoke again. "Why do you say that?"
"What?" I queried. "That you're my friend?" She nodded, and I continued. "Because you're my age, and
we share a bunch of things in common. We see so much of each other that it makes sense to be friendly. Things
go a lot better in the long run that way. I want to be friends with all of you, not just see you as other pilots."
Rei was looking back down at Shinji at that point. When she didn't respond, I realized the faux pas I'd
made. "I didn't mean to insult you, Rei," I said. "I'm not saying that you're wrong to do what you do. It's just not
my style."
Again she didn't answer. I looked at Shinji as well, figuring it might be better to change the subject. "I
wonder why Zero reacted so.. oddly when Shinji tried to link up."
"It's difficult to say," Rei said. "Unit 00 did the same when I had my first activation test."
"Yes," I nodded. "I heard about that. I'm glad you came through okay."
Rei had nothing to say to that.
I fell silent as well, watching her watch Shinji. I was upset; the catalyst for my emotional state was the
fact that 00 had turned on Shinji, and I had done fine with her previously. Why is that? What did I do differently?
The truth was, of course, that I knew to 'talk' to the Eva, to calm it and be comforting. Shinji, I presumed,
didn't, and the entity inside 00 reacted by panicking.
Rei said, out of the blue: "You know the true nature of Evangelion."
I blinked, caught off guard. "What?"
"I can tell." She was looking over to me again, with the same flat expression as always. "You understand
what Eva is."
A million thoughts ran through my head in the space of a fraction of a second. The one to finally reach
my lips was: "... Yeah. I do."
Rei kept staring at me for several moments. I stared back, unable to think of anything to say or do, and
entirely unsure of what Rei would do next, in any case. Finally, she looked back to Shinji.
"Then all will be well."
I was still speechless, and still stood there staring. I wanted to ask her how she could tell that I knew,
and what, if anything, she was going to do about it. Had my fate just been changed? Was I in major shit now?
Rei turned and stepped away from the bed suddenly. On her way to the door of the room, she asked,
"Will you be staying here with him?"
I blinked again and stammered, "Uh.. I suppose I can."
She pulled open the door and called over her shoulder, "Please contact me when he awakens, Pilo..."
She paused, for a short fragmented moment, and then said, "Jillian."
My mind worked overtime replaying that entire exchange for most of the rest of the day.
Several days later, I was awakened by an incessant pounding on my apartment door.
"What? Who is it?" I groggily demanded as I staggered my way there.
"Section Two, miss. Open the door," came the response.
I had my hand on the unlocking pad when the meaning behind those short, curtly delivered words finally
made it to my brain. I paused for a second. "What do you want?"
"Open the door now, Pilot."
Okay, now I was officially worried. I opened the door and found two suited agents standing there. One
looked me over, noting my attire (I was still in my PJs), and said, "Get dressed. You're coming with us."
"Where?" I said, trying - and failing - to stave off the yawn that was coming. I hoped that wouldn't be
taken as a sign of indifference on my part; in truth, my mind was trying to make me run in 27 different ways at
once, only a few steps away from panic mode, wondering what the hell Section Two would want with me. At this
hour!
I went back inside and got dressed, which was a chore in itself - the agents didn't want to let me out of
their sight, so one of them had to inspect my bathroom to ensure there was no window to the outside world or
anything like that, before I was allowed to change in there for the sake of privacy (as I demanded).
I was put in the back seat of a big, black car, of course, and was driven off away from the apartments. All
attempts to find out what was going on were met with silence. Neither agent had much of anything to say except
for me to sit there and wait for us to arrive at our destination.
It wasn't too difficult to figure out where our destination was, in general; the car entered the Geofront and
boarded a car train. The five-or-ten-minute-ride was also in silence, during which time I busied myself by
checking out the Geofront, which I'd never really done with any seriousness. I wasn't worried about what was up;
well, okay, yes, I was worried about what was up, but I couldn't do anything about it, and I had no idea of what I
should prepare for, so I just let things go as they might.
The car pulled into a bay deep within HQ, the train having gone much further than any other I'd ridden on
to date. A secure door slid shut behind the car and only then was I ordered out of the vehicle.
"Where are we going?" I asked as I climbed out.
Yet again, there was no reply.
"You know, this whole silent treatment thing is getting pretty tiresome," I grumbled, but even that didn't
faze either security man.
We passed through several gates and Sally ports - airlock-like structures where only one door was
opened at a time - and it became evident that I was in custody for some reason. I went over my actions of the
past few days, trying to figure out if I'd done something worthy of attention. Nothing sprang to mind; there had
been several sync and harmonics tests, as usual, and I had few friends outside the pilots and my classmates, so
it wasn't like I was spreading classified information around - not that I could in any case, considering NERV had
electronic sentinels on all phone and Internet links, ready to disengage communications that triggered any of a
number of keywords.
I was ushered to a door among many similar ones, with heavy hinges and locks, and sent inside. The
light in the small room diminished to almost nothing as the heavy door thudded shut behind me.
A cell?
What the fuck did I do?
What little light was coming in through the eye-slit in the door cast illumination on an aluminum bench
that was bolted into one of the walls. I sat down on it and sighed, trying to figure out what I'd done wrong. I still
didn't think I'd done anything, inadvertently or otherwise, that warranted this kind of treatment.
I let my head rest against the cement wall, closing my eyes as I pondered things. Due to the fact that I'd
been woken from my slumber by the agents, I was still tired, and it didn't take long for me to drift off to sleep.
Five minutes, or perhaps five hours later - I had no sense of time - I was again jarred awake. This time, it
was due to the abrupt loss of the light source which had been falling across me as I sat on the bench.
I looked up to the eye-slit and saw only two cold orbs looking at me from behind tinted plastic lenses. As
my gaze met Gendo Ikari's, he stepped away from the slit, and the door clunked open.
I began to stand, out of a semblance of respect - for the chain of command more than anything else - but
was ordered tersely to stay seated. The door remained open and Ikari stayed in the doorway, in silhouette by the
light cast from the corridor.
"Who sent you here?" came the question.
I sat there, trying to figure out what he meant. "Doctors Sarrazin and Andrews, at NERV-01," I answered.
It was about the most appropriate response I could think of.
"Who do you maintain contact with?"
I was puzzled by this. "The other pilots, my classma--"
"Outside of the country," he clarified.
"No one," I shook my head.
"Why not?"
"Sir, I'm sure you know that my parents died and I'm an only child. I have nobody to 'maintain contact'
with," I said, hopefully my irritation not showing through enough to raise Ikari's own ire.
"What do you know about NERV's mandate?"
Oh, boy. Here we go. Now I had an idea of what was up. Somehow, either through a lack of discretion
on my part or something else, Ikari had gotten it into his head that I knew more than I let on. I had to think quickly
and decide what exactly to uncover. The thought that perhaps Rei had told him of our conversation in the
hospital the week before came to my mind, making my answers all the more difficult to formulate.
"To defeat the Angels," I answered, hoping it was what he wanted to hear. Evidently, it must have given
him some pause, as the next question took longer to be posed.
"Have you ever made contact with the Japanese government?"
I had to answer this one truthfully. "Yes," I said. "With assistance from officials at NERV-01, to apply for
status as an emaciated minor."
Again, I think I may have pissed him off a little - answering him, but not in the way he expected. His next
question again took a few extra beats to come forth. "Who do you report to?"
"Major Misato Katsu--"
"Outside of NERV." This was almost said in an angry tone.
"I just said, sir, I'm a legally independent minor. I live on my own and I have no-one in my life other than
my classmates and fellow workers here at NERV. If there's something else you mean, I don't know what it is."
Gendo stood there in silence for a long moment. Then, with two footsteps and a turn, he was gone, and
the door swung shut again, plunging me once more into near-total darkness.
What the fuck? I wondered, going over the interrogation in my head. It didn't go anywhere nearly like I'd
expected, nor did it touch on a lot of things he should've asked me if he'd suspected me of knowing too much. To
boot, some of the things he did ask were completely out of left field, as far as I was concerned.
I was in the cell for a long time. As I said before, it was impossible to tell time inside, and furthermore, it
was apparently insulated from all sound from the outside. I was deprived of almost all my senses and left only
with what I could see from the thin shaft of light. Surely that's the point, I realized. It's a form of torture; someone
left in here for long enough might break down just for the chance to hear those stupid freaking cicadas again.
I was far from any breakpoint, at least, so I figured. Some more sleep was first on my to-do list, and
when I woke the next time, it was because I was fully rested, not because someone else was rousing me. I still
had no indication of what time it was.
Don't even have a baseball to bounce off the wall, I quipped, recalling an old movie.
I started to wonder about why I was being kept. Was Ikari waiting for me to snap? Was he collecting
some kind of evidence against me, to tip his hand the next time he questioned me? For that matter, had I really
given away any hints that I knew more about the whole situation than I'd told anyone?
I couldn't think of anything that would have clued Ikari in that I had a more intimate knowledge of that
which was to come than any other pilot. To the best of my recollection, I hadn't blurted out Keel Lorenz's name in
public, or mentioned the Spear of Longinus - even though it had surely been 'delivered' into Terminal Dogma by
this point.
The question about the Japanese government came back to me at that point. What was with that? Was I
being linked with Kaji somehow? With a sudden burst of thought, I wondered if maybe Ikari thought I was the
Japanese spy. That couldn't be; he had had countless intercessions with Kaji before. Surely Ikari knew of his
duplicity.
Am I Mana Kirishima's counterpart, perhaps, in this 'version' of things? If I remembered correctly - and
there was no guarantee that I did, considering how long it'd been since I'd 'seen' any of the source material - she
was a pilot from a rival group and had been sent to spy on the Eva Project. Was that how I was being seen? I
hoped not, because I'd been with NERV since before the Angels arrived, almost - I felt like I was just as much, if
not more so, a part of the 'original' cadre of pilots, as Asuka for example was.
A thought came to me which startled me.
What can I say to get out of here?
It sent shivers down my spine to think that I was willing to break so easily. Aren't you stronger than this?
I felt like railing at myself. You've stared down the maw of a being that was larger than any living creature
anyone has ever seen, and you can't stand a grumpy old man giving you a hard time?
I decided that this must be part of the job as it goes at NERV. I hadn't been scheduled for school that
day, nor any tests, so it wasn't like I was missing anything important. If this is what Ikari wanted to do with his
most important resources, so be it. I was a little pissed that I didn't have a PC with me so I could surf the
Internet, but ultimately, that was part of the intent, I figured.
I leaned back on the bench again, getting in as relaxed a position as I could, and let my soundproofed
room hear what normally only my shower walls were victim - I mean, audience to. Singing along with the tune
running through my head, not caring how badly, or even if, it sounded on the other side of the door, I went on:
"Anata no, ushiro kara.. sakamichi, kakete yuku.. kogeru yo, na hizashi wo.. o.. i.. nuite!!"
My singing, good, bad, or otherwise, didn't result in either a beating or immediate release, so in some
ways it was a failure. I still enjoyed it; I sang a damn sight better as Jill than Jack ever did.
Quite some time after I'd exhausted my repertoire, as well as my lungs, the door clanked open. A
nameless Section Two guard motioned for me to come out of the cell.
"What now?" I asked.
"You're free to go," he said, again gesturing for me to get a move-on.
"Why? What happened?"
"Hey, kid, word of advice: When someone offers to let you out of lockup, don't argue the matter. Just get
going, okay?"
And so, with that, I was released back out of Section Two's domain and into the normal corridors of HQ. I
was looking at the ID card that had been returned to me, intact and without cancellation marks on it, when it
dawned on me that I hadn't had it with me when I'd been spirited away from my apartment.
Great. I suppose my room has been 'tossed' too.
A clock, once I found one, told me it was almost five-thirty in the evening. I'd been kept in the cell all day.
My first priority was to address my hunger (okay, second priority, after tending to my un-emptied bladder, but
who wants to know about that?), so I headed towards a Western fast-food place on the route home.
I was surprised to see Shinji Ikari sitting, alone, at one of the tables near the front windows.
"Howdy, stranger; mind if I sit here?"
Shinji looked up, startled, and clearly was trying to translate my English greeting on the fly. Once he
realized who was addressing him, he looked somewhat relieved, and nodded, so I sat down across from him
with my tray full of food.
I switched to Japanese to be easier on him. "What are you doing out at this time of night? You're such a
good cook that I wouldn't think you'd stoop to this pre-manufactured stuff."
"Oh. I.. just left headquarters," he said quietly.
"Hah! Me too," I replied, unsure of how much to tell him. I sipped a little on my drink, as I began
unwrapping my meal with my free hand.
"No.. you don't understand," he said. "I wasn't there for a test or anything like that. My father..
summoned me."
"Oh?" I said, my interest piqued. I took a stab in the dark. "Summoned, or abducted?"
He looked at me oddly for a second, then seemed to understand. "He brought you in too?"
"Yeah," I nodded, my mind working overtime on the new revelation. "Early this morning. Asked me some
weird questions, then let me stew by myself for most of the day."
"Really," Shinji said. "That's a lot like what he did with me. And I'm pretty sure I saw Asuka.. or, I mean,
heard her, at one point."
Ikari, you cruel son of a bitch.. interrogating your own son? "Do you have any idea what's going on?"
"No, he wouldn't tell me."
I sat back in the seat, letting my brain digest the information while my gut did the same with the food.
"Well, something has to be up. He wouldn't be giving everyone the third degree, otherwise."
"I didn't see Ayanami," Shinji murmured, and I thought he was making a random observation connected
to his earlier comment about Asuka, but then I realized he had a hint of a suspicious tone about him.
"What are you implying?" I asked. I was pretty sure I knew, but I wanted to hear it from him.
Shinji took some time to answer. "I.. nothing," he said finally.
"Tell me," I urged him.
"No.. it's not based in fact," he protested. "I shouldn't have said anything."
"You think that Rei said something that got the rest of us in trouble?" I said, pressing the issue.
Shinji stared at me for a long moment, then turned away. "I can't believe she'd do such a thing," he said
softly. "Even if she does have a relationship with Father."
"I hear you," I agreed. "I don't think she was behind this, either."
"Then what's happened? Why are we being put through all this?"
I took a moment to drink and eat a bit. "Dunno. Could be that someone has been rooting around where
they don't belong. Or he could just be paranoid, and doing this as a way of finding out who is trustworthy and
who isn't."
"But even me--"
"C'mon, Shinji. I know exactly how he treats you. You're nothing more than an employee to him. Am I
right?"
Shinji lowered his head and frowned. I realized I may have gone too far, and started to apologize, when
he cut me off.
"It's like he never had a son," he despaired. "Or a family at all."
"I hate to pry into your personal life, Ikari," I said, "but I don't know why you spend so much time trying to
get his attention. I know you're strong enough to stand on your own two feet. Live for yourself, not for him."
"I don't know," Shinji protested, and I got the feeling that was just a reply to fill space, to be contrary to
my comment. I figured this was related to his upbringing, or lack thereof, and it would take a lot more than a chat
in a fast-food restaurant booth to sort him out.
I was disgusted with myself for being at a loss for words, and I didn't know why. The rational part of my
mind knew that there was little, if anything, I could do for Shinji as a 'quick fix'. There was probably little I could
do that might improve his situation over time, given that he'd had between ten and fourteen years of a sucky life
already, and if my estimates were right, we all had only about three or four months before SEELE would force
Third Impact. Still, the rest of me was furious that I was so impotent, to put it one way. If you're not here to sort
these kids out and help them get through all this shit, then why are you here?? I was railing at myself.
Suddenly I realized that Shinji had said something. I looked up and gave an utterly impolite response:
"Uh?"
"I said, what should I do?" he asked, looking at me intently.
I blinked. "You're asking me?" I said, mainly to confirm that he wanted my help.
He, of course, took it the wrong way, frowning and looking away. "You seemed like you were intending to
give it," he mumbled.
I held up my hands, waving them before me. "No, no! Wait! I didn't mean it like that. Let's start over."
Again, I was stared at for a time. "Okay," was Shinji's eventual response.
I was clawing away at my brain for answers, things to say that might help Shinji, and I was going
nowhere fast. "Well.. um.. you should.. Well, for starters,.."
I felt about an inch tall, looking at Shinji's continued gaze. I had to avert my eyes, finally; I couldn't bear
to see him looking at me.
He went back to eating, and if I could have crawled into a hole, I would have. I blurted out, "Don't be like
that!"
"Like what?" he asked, looking back up at me only peripherally.
"I'm trying to be helpful," I said, "but I don't know where to begin. And I.. well, I don't feel right just taking
you to pieces like this. It's not fair."
"I don't understand," he said simply, and something struck me. Shinji was more like Rei than I ever
thought. He, like Rei, had no natural upbringing, but not because he'd been grown from a vat; rather, because no
one had ever bothered to be there for him.
That much I knew already, but what had impressed upon me at that moment was how deep the problem
was truly rooted. He couldn't comprehend why I was reluctant to point out all his flaws and faults, because he'd
never known anyone to care that much for him to not do so. I felt like I should have curled up in a ball and cried
for the poor child right then and there.
"Well, it's not right for me to do such a thing," I said, keeping my emotions in check. "Maybe I should try
again."
"Third time," he commented.
"It's the charm," I quipped back, and went with my thoughts while they were still fresh, without an
opportunity to be dwelt upon. "First things first, I think you should stop looking for approval from your dad. He
cast you aside for ages, and even now, only sees you as a pilot. I'm sorry to say that, but it's true. He doesn't
deserve the respect you're trying to give him."
"Easier said than done--" Shinji began, but I interrupted him.
"I appreciate that," I said. "I'd say I know, but there's no way I can ever know how you feel in this regard.
But if you trust me on one thing and one thing alone, let it be when I say that you're better off. Don't waste time
trying to get affection where there is none."
He didn't answer that, and I was out of helpful hints - if anything I'd said so far could be considered
helpful at all in the first place. After a few moments, he said, "Thank you, Jillian.."
"I don't know why you're thanking me," I retorted, "because I feel like this whole conversation was a
disaster on my part. But if you got something out of it, you're welcome."
He nodded, finishing up his meal.
"And.." I said slowly, "If you ever have anything you need to talk to someone about, or even if you just
need to vent, or anything.. you know where I am."
"Okay," he nodded. "Are you done?"
Again I made some kind of "Wha?" sound, until I realized he meant my meal tray. I looked down at it and
noted that I'd eaten everything I'd bought.
"Oh! Yeah, I am," I said. Before I could say or do anything further, Shinji was up on his feet and had
picked up both trays, taking them to the trash.
"Urm.. thank you," I said. "But you didn't have to do that."
"It's all right," he responded, smiling faintly. "I was going that way anyway."
We started off back towards our apartment block, and the fact that we were two similarly-aged members
of the opposite sex lingered in my mind. I didn't want to be anything more than friends with Shinji, and I was
concerned that anything might set off a reaction in the budding young adult's mind. I didn't think he had any such
designs on me, but I wasn't thinking clearly anyway, and an outsider viewing our heartfelt conversation back at
the restaurant might have thought otherwise.
I managed to keep my concerns to myself on the trip home, during which we mostly walked in silence.
When we got off the elevator on our floor, I finally broke the ice again.
"Don't let today mess you up," I suggested. "They must have had some reason to go all mental on us.
Treat tomorrow like a brand new day and maybe things will be back to normal, okay?"
Shinji nodded. "Thanks again, Jillian," he responded, and headed towards his apartment door. I went my
own way, going inside and sighing as I shut the door behind me, as if I was now in my own sanctuary, isolated
from everyone and everything else, in all ways and manners.
"What a mess," I mumbled to myself, shedding my shoes and checking the place out. Contrary to my
assumptions, it hadn't been ransacked by Section Two, or, if it had, they were very thorough in putting
everything back where it had been, including my previous day's laundry in the same crumpled heap as when I'd
taken it off the night before. I went to the bathroom to wash up and tend to things when I heard a holler.
"Fourth! Come on out to the balcony!"
I finished up hurriedly and headed outside, meeting with Asuka at the railing. "Hi," I said tiredly. "Wasn't
that a wonderful day?"
"I can't believe they had the gall to insinuate..!" Asuka seethed, unable to even finish the sentence. "I
have.. we have all suffered an indignity today, Fourth, and I don't know about you, but I'm going to do something
about it!"
"Like what?" I said, raising an eyebrow curiously.
"I'm going to tell Misato what happened and get her to make them apologize," she sniffed haughtily.
"And I might just have Kaji take things up with stupid Shinji's dad, too!"
The irony, I mused. "I'm not sure that tactic will work all that well," I warned her. "But do what you want, I
guess."
"Hmph! You don't intend to let this go unpunished, do you?"
"What can I do about it?" I shrugged. "I'll bet there was some clause in our employment contract that let
them do exactly that - and probably worse - to us, for any reasons they deem necessary. Someone just tripped a
lock or a sensor, or said something they shouldn't have, and Ikari went all apeshit over it. Personally, I think it's
best to let it pass, and just go on with life."
Asuka hmph'ed again. "Shinji said the same thing."
I felt my spirits lighten a little. "Because that's what I suggested to him," I said. "It's past us now. What's it
worth getting worked up over?"
Asuka frowned and leaned against the rail, some of the venom in her voice draining away. "I guess
you're right," she admitted. "But it was still wrong."
"Right or wrong, it happened," I said. "Let it go."
"I just wonder who it--"
"Asuka," I cautioned.
"Right! Right, let it go," she said, rolling her eyes. "Fine, Fourth. You win. Geez."
"I don't like it any more than you do," I acknowledged. "Save it for the court case."
"What?" she said, looking at me puzzledly.
"Forget it," I said, waving dismissively. "Talk to you tomorrow?"
"Ja, fine," she said, standing back up. "Have a good night."
"Night," I nodded, heading back inside. As I did, I became aware of a faint knocking sound, coming from
my apartment door at thirty-second intervals. By the time I realized someone was there, it had happened three
times.
Rei Ayanami stood there with her usual passive expression when I opened the door.
"Crap! How long have you been waiting, Rei? I didn't hear you at all, I'm sorry," I apologized.
"Not very long," she replied. She offered a sheaf of papers to me.
I took them in my hands and read the top one. "Today's assignments?" I said with realization.
"The teacher asked me to deliver them to you and the others," she said.
"You were in school today?" I asked, looking up at her.
"Yes."
"So you don't know what happened to us."
"No," came the soft reply.
"We were detained and interrogated," I told her. "All three of us. Questioned about spying."
There was a long pause. "I see," she said. "I trust no one was injured?"
"No," I said, wondering what would make her think it would come to that. I couldn't resist adding, "But to
be honest, people are a little suspicious that you weren't brought in with us."
"I can't answer that," she responded. She wasn't saying that she wouldn't provide the answer, I realized;
she was just as much at a loss for the reason as I was.
"So you didn't say anything to Ikari or anyone else?" I asked bluntly and impolitely. "You didn't mention
anything that would bring us into question?"
"No," Rei said plainly.
"You didn't tell anyone that I admitted to you about the Eva--"
"I already said no, Jillian."
I blinked; both Rei's use of my given name and the choice of words, though devoid of the irritated tone
that might have backed them, caught me off guard. "Okay," I said when I found my voice.
Rei was about to turn away from the door when I saw the other papers in her hand. "Are those for Shinji
and Asuka?" I asked.
"Yes," she said, with a nod.
I held out my hand. "Would you mind if I gave them to them? It'd save you a trip, and.. well, to be honest,
I wouldn't want you to be insulted by more than just me today, which you might be if I let you deliver those."
She thought about this for a moment and then offered them to me, silently.
"Thanks," I said. "And I'm sorry about what I said."
"I would never betray you," were her parting words, after which she turned away and headed back to the
elevator.
As I watched her go, I couldn't be sure if the 'you' meant me in particular or all her fellow pilots.
Chapter Fifteen: Outing
A shriek rang out in the hallway of the school one Friday afternoon, as the lot of us were cleaning and
tidying our classroom. I was closest to the door, and bolted that way; Hikari, feeling a sense of responsibility as
the class rep, I'm sure, followed close behind.
"There, that should do it," Asuka was saying casually, looking at her cell phone.
"What the hell was that?!" I blurted out.
"What? Oh, nothing," Asuka said, smirking. "I just was leaving a message for Kaji. I can't seem to get
him to return my calls these days. He's always out or something."
"You wonder why?" I said in response, though Asuka continued going on about being stood up for
phantom dates and such.
I almost saw the lightbulb appear over Hikari's head. "You're free tomorrow?" she said.
"I guess so," Asuka shrugged.
"I wonder if I could ask a favor," Hikari said with a guilty, apologetic expression. "My big sister's got this
friend, and he's been asking about you.."
"A blind date?!" Asuka exploded. Myself, I was wondering why a college student wanted to hook up with
a 14 year old, even a college graduate 14 year old, but I kept my mouth shut.
"Pleeease?!" Hikari pleaded. "He's really nice.."
Something occurred to me at that moment. "Oh, crap. That's tomorrow," I said aloud.
"What's tomorrow?" the other two girls stereoed.
"What? Oh, uh," I said, stammering, realizing I'd said what I'd been thinking. "Um.. Ikari's got a special
day coming up tomorrow.."
"Special day?" Asuka scoffed. "Did the 1990s call and say they were delivering some more SDAT media
for him?"
"No," I said with a frown, lowering my voice, looking over my shoulder into the classroom. "Tomorrow is
the anniversary of his mother's death."
And I just told him to write off his dad.
To my surprise, Shinji brought it up with me later on, as we were all preparing to go home.
"Jillian," he said, approaching me as I exchanged shoes at the locker. "About the talk we had last
week.."
"Oh, hi, Shinji," I said, hoping my faked surprise at his appearance before me wasn't too transparent.
"Right. Like I said, I'm your sounding board anytime you want it."
"Yes," he said with a nod. "With all due respect.. I'm seeing my father tomorrow. I think I need to."
"It's your choice," I said, trying to smile genuinely for him. "Just try to be strong."
"Thank you," he nodded. "I will."
Misato had an engagement as well, I learned the next morning, as car after car came to take away the
residents of the neighboring apartment. Soon, I had the entire place to myself.
"Wark."
"Except for you," I seethed, looking over the balcony rail at the penguin; as usual, he was pressed up
against the Lexan, looking for a handout, even though I was seated on a patio chair and clearly not in
possession of any treats.
"Waaaark?"
"Shut up," I said. "I'm going out for groceries this afternoon; maybe I'll get you something then." Much as
I disliked the bird, it was the closest thing to a pet in my life, and so long as I kept my fingers out of the way of his
meals, I came through our encounters pretty much unscathed.
He made a sound that almost sounded like a raspberry, and I looked back over at him, expecting to see
a tongue sticking out from his beak. Instead, I watched the portly waterfowl turn and waddle away.
As I'd said, I had a grocery run to make in the afternoon. I walked down to the store, feeling spoiled by
the warm weather; it had been pleasant, and in many cases outright hot, all the time I'd been in Japan. It was, of
course, that way year-round because of Second Impact, but as someone who hated the long, cold Canadian
winters of my youth (Jack's youth, that is), being so comfortable for so long seemed almost criminal.
While I was browsing the store, when I got to the newspaper rack, I picked up the romanized editions, as
was my usual habit. However, a picture on another publication beside my usuals caught my eye. The picture
was of a car, all four wheels off the ground, flying over a hill on a dirt road. A lot of the kanji was stylized in
different fonts, and I was still not up to speed on a lot of it, so I took that book with me to the cash as well, and
asked if they could tell me if it was what I thought it was.
I was overjoyed when the clerk told me it was advertising Rally Japan, which was happening the next
weekend. The joy turned to despair when I learned it was in Obihiro, which was for all intents and purposes at
the other end of the country. Sure, I could watch it on TV, as Misato had suggested so long ago when I first
came to Japan, but I hadn't given up on the idea of getting special permission to go there in person. That,
however, seemed like an impossibility now, considering the distance.
I still took home the magazine, which turned out to be the official program for the rally, and busied myself
for the afternoon with reading it all - or at least all of it that I could manage. Much as I hate to admit it, like I said
above, I still wasn't 100% fluent with the Japanese written word. I could read enough to get by, for most of the
book.
So, 10 years after my last rally - so to speak - was I behind the times? Not quite. The main
manufacturers and marques were still in competition, along with a few others I'd never thought would join in. I
didn't recognize most of the names associated, of course, though some of them bore clear lineage to the greats
of yesteryear that I recalled from my past life. Scandinavia was well represented, of course, where the modern
version of the sport essentially was born and flourished.
In any case, a rally is a rally, and Rally Japan was one of the world class events. I'd never attended one
of such caliber before, and as the day wore on, I became more and more bound and determined to get to
Obihiro in any way possible. Even if I had to take the Eva and park it in a hangar at the airport, standing at the
side of the stage in my plugsuit and dripping with LCL, I intended to go.
Misato didn't arrive home that night; Shinji and Asuka screwed around for a while, alternating between
goofing off and arguing, from the sounds of what wafted through the thin walls of the complex. I went to bed late,
after having spent most of the evening looking up rally-related stuff on the Internet. I was as giddy as a school
girl - well, technically, I was a school girl, I supposed - but you get the idea. I fell asleep dreaming of cars flying
past me, mere feet away, engines roaring and gravel spraying this way and that.
Late the next morning, I found Misato at home, though I evidently dropped in just before she was going
out. I asked her for a moment of her time, as she shrugged on her red jacket.
"Sure," she said, snatching up some toast she'd put down moments before.
"Well.. I know how we pilots are required to be on standby at all times, and trips are frowned upon, but I..
well, Rally Japan is this coming weekend, and.. I was hoping maybe I could attend.. even though it's in Obihiro.."
"Yeah, probably," she said, munching on the toast and downing a can of coffee.
"I really think I can come up with a plan that.. what?" I said, caught off guard by her response.
"I'll make it happen," she said. "Just give me some time, okay? I have something pretty important today."
"Really??" I exclaimed. "You're serious?"
Misato didn't answer, and I fell deathly silent, staring at her as she performed her next task. Seemingly
oblivious to my outburst, she had pulled out her service weapon, checking the magazine and ensuring it was full.
Putting it back in the gun, she safetied it and put it in a holster somewhere within her jacket's confines.
"Sorry, but I have to run," she said. "We'll talk later, okay?"
"...Uh.. okay," I said, still shocked at her unusual morning preparations.
She nodded, still having not looked my way since I entered the apartment. With a steely, determined
look on her face, she headed to the door and, putting her boots on, stalked out.
"..the fuck?!" I murmured, still standing in my neighbor's kitchen. Asuka, somewhere in the rest of the
apartment, heard me and my Western profanity, and followed the sound to its source. "What are you up to,
Fourth?"
"Does.. Misato normally check her gun before she leaves the house?" I asked. Maybe it was a tougher
neighborhood than I'd ever noticed, and she just wanted to have some protection..
"Nope," Asuka said, crossing the room to open the fridge and root around inside. "But who knows?
Maybe she just cleaned it, and was making sure it still functioned properly. Or maybe Kaji did something last
night and she's going to go thank him for it."
The last part was doubly ironic, coming from Asuka as it did, and reminding me of what was likely to
happen. Shit. He's going to show her Lilith today.
"That was a joke, Fourth," Asuka deadpanned.
"Wha? Oh! Yeah, heh, maybe," I said, forcing a laugh.
"Though he probably would deserve it. He shrugged me off last night! What a rude thing to do."
"Well, it was late, I'm sure, since they weren't home by the time I went to bed. Maybe that was it."
Asuka hmph'ed, and came fully into the kitchen, putting down some toast for herself. "What are you up
to today?" she asked.
"Oh, not much," I responded. I explained about the rally race.
"You'd better not get to go!" Asuka snapped. "If I couldn't go to Okinawa, that's just not fair."
"Maybe you should ask again," I said. "Maybe things have changed." After a beat, I added, "You could
come to Obihiro with me if you wanted.."
"Nooo, thank you," she quickly replied. "You keep your little otakudom to yourself."
"Suit yourself," I said, smiling for the first time since I'd thought Misato was going to draw a bead on me.
"Anyway.. I should go now."
"What for? Sit down, I'll get some juice and make some extra toast. Bacon? Eggs?"
"Sure. Bacon, please," I said, taking up the offer eagerly. I didn't truly want to be by myself at that point,
considering what my mind would run away with - Misato and Kaji, in Terminal Dogma - if let to its own devices.
Asuka set a glass of orange juice down in front of me. I stared at it and tried not to think of the word
'Tang' as I said, "So, um, what were you two up to last night? It sounded pretty.. rowdy."
"What?!" Asuka said with shock. "Nothing! I don't know what you were hearing, but it must have been
your imagination."
"Uh-huh," I said, taking a sip of the drink, and finding with relief that it was not, in fact, LCL. "Remember
the time you 'overheard' that ...adult video... my computer inadvertently played one afternoon, through the wall?"
"The one you called a 'browser hijack'?" Asuka said mockingly.
"I'm not into that kind of stuff," I responded, on the defensive. "Besides, even if I was, I would've kept it to
my private self instead of blasting it across the whole apartment block. Anyway, my point is, I was imagining last
night as much as you imagined hearing that video."
Asuka sighed. "I'm rubbing off on you too much. You're getting relentless."
"Learned from the master," I grinned.
"We kissed last night."
The grinning persisted. "Oooooh," I said, (somewhat) feigning surprise. "And?"
"What do you mean, 'and'?"
"Did you like it? Did he like it? Is--"
"Urusai!" she demanded. "Not another word!"
I laughed. "Sounds like something did happen," I teased, knowing full well that if things went as I thought
they did, something did happen. Hopefully, Asuka wouldn't use the opportunity to remind herself of Kaji's brushoff again.
"What exactly is it you want to know?" Asuka snapped, pushing my plate of bacon and toast across the
table toward me.
I buttered one side of the toast and started making a bacon sandwich with it. "What brought it on? Were
you guys watching a romantic movie or something? How did he react? What do you think I want to know? I want
to know everything," I grinned.
Asuka was silent for a minute. Then she finally muttered, "I was curious.."
"Curious?" I echoed, then realized she meant the reason for the kiss. "Ohhh. Did it live up to your
expectations?"
"I don't know," she responded, shaking her head. "He's so.. so.. inexperienced. Childish."
I so wanted to challenge that, but I let it go for the moment. Asuka continued talking.
"It started out as a tease," she said. "But once it got going.. I don't know.. it was.. something else."
"You are allowed to like him, you know," I said.
"Shut up!" came the instant reply. "Who could like someone like that?"
"Someone who sees something in him," I said softly. "Something they think they can work with. As in,
something they can change for the better."
Asuka's gaze lifted up to glare at me. We sat wordlessly for several long moments.
"Don't let me dictate how you live your life," I finally added. "Do what you want."
"He's so.. not me!" she protested.
"Damn, Sohryu, haven't you ever heard the phrase 'opposites attract'?" I said with a smile. "I don't see
what's so wrong with giving things a shot, other than you'll scare the living shit out of him and make him wonder
what alien possessed you and flip-flopped your attitude towards him."
Asuka looked like she wanted to protest my appraisal of her 'attitude', but didn't say it. Instead, she said,
"What if I find out it's wrong? What if it's not what I expect it to be?"
"Burn that bridge when you get to it," I suggested. "You're strong, though - I have a feeling that, just like
most everything else you do, this'd be the right thing."
Asuka chewed on that, and her breakfast, for a long moment. Finally, she made one last statement,
leaving the conversation unresolved, but definitely putting a lid on the discussion. "If you breathe a word of this
to anyone, ever, at all, I will purée you and feed you to the penguin. I mean it."
I couldn't help but giggle. "You have my word," I assured her.
Misato happened to arrive home that night about the same time I was coming back from getting
groceries for my supper. Knowing (or presuming) that her day had been, to say the least, weird, I simply greeted
her with a hello.
"Hi, Jill," she said tiredly. I held the elevator open for her, which garnered a thanks as well.
"Long day?" I queried, mainly for the purpose of small talk, but also to see just how much she'd let out.
"So to speak, yeah," the major nodded, eyes on the floor indicator. "How about you guys? Did you enjoy
your day off?"
"Pretty much," I replied. "Asuka and I sat and talked for a while, and then I spent some time playing on
the computer." After a second, I decided to add, "Looking up stuff about the rally race."
"Oh, yeah," she said, running a hand down her face. "About that.."
"You can't let me go?" I said, preparing for disappointment.
"No, no," Misato replied. "I made a promise, and I'll have to figure out a way to keep it." She thought for a
few moments. "I think I have an idea, but I'll have to run it past Commander Ikari first. And do some pre-scouting
of our own there."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Aw, you don't want to spoil the surprise, do you?" Misato said with a wink. "I'll get back to you."
"All right," I acknowledged, as we stepped off the lift. "Thanks, Major."
"Talk to you later!" she said, heading into her place.
I tried to retain my composure until she was gone, but what with the thin walls of the building, she and
anyone else who was home probably heard me bouncing around and squealing with elation once I got into my
own apartment. I threw myself on the bed and kicked about in a little hyperactive fit for a few seconds.
All right!! I gushed to myself. This is too good to be true! For once, the invocation of such a thought
didn't result in me suddenly going all introspective and worrying about what might go wrong. I was too far off the
ground, so to speak, to be brought back down to earth. Forget cloud nine, I was on cloud 999.
Overreacting? Absolutely. But cut me some slack. I was a kid again, and I was being handed the keys to
the fun house.
Misato invited me over later that evening, presumably to explain the situation (or so I hoped).
I dashed back out to the store beforehand, to have something to bring with me, as was my tradition. Fish
for the monster, and one of those small ready-to-eat chilled cakes for the rest of us.
Asuka let me in when I arrived, her shoulders drooping as she saw that it was me at the door. "Hi,
Fourth, come on in."
"Whassamatter?" I asked.
"Nothing," she shrugged, turning to walk back into the apartment. "Thought maybe it was Kaji."
"Oh for.. let it go, will ya?" I muttered, rolling my eyes behind her back. If she heard me, she didn't
acknowledge it, or was just planning for my fiery demise at a later date and time.
"Good evening, neighbor!" Misato greeted me from the table, clearly already into her nightly round of
beer. "Have a seat."
"Sure, let me feed the bottomless pit first," I countered, unwrapping the fish and lowering it to my side;
Pen2 was already there, having bee-lined to me as soon as I had entered the apartment. In a flash, all I had left
was a bit of soggy newspaper, which I took to the trash and then went to wash my hands.
"Oh," I heard Shinji say as I was turning off the water tap. "Hello, Jillian."
"Hi, Shinji," I said, heading over to the table at last and sitting down. The Third Child was coming into the
room, SDAT headphones in his ears; he headed to the fridge to get an orange juice.
Asuka was perched on a chair at one end of the table, and Misato and I sat across from one another.
The major said, "All right, here's the deal. As you know, we can't risk leaving the Evas unstaffed for any
significant length of time, especially with the unpredictable timeline of the Angel attacks."
Pretty articulate for having had half a six-pack already, I observed. It just served to reinforce how good
Misato was at her job, I figured. "Okay," I said.
Misato went on, "Having said that, I do agree that some.. extra-curricular excursions are necessary to
keep you all from going mad. The thing is, we still can't let you all go at once."
No outbursts came from Asuka's end of the table; either she'd already been prompted of my trip request,
or she was, again, silently plotting how to get revenge for her trip earlier in the year being canceled and mine
being approved.
"I, um, I'm not sure.." I false-started. "It doesn't seem fair when you put it that way, considering Okinawa
and all.."
"There'll be other chances for those who don't go this weekend," Misato explained. "Just remember, that
will be your turn to stay back and be on first call."
"Okay," I nodded.
"We're going to let two people go to Obihiro," the major declared, "for the car rally. One is you, Jill,
obviously."
"Oh," I said, and looked to Asuka.
"Nooo, thank you, tomboy," she said, taking a jab from back when we first met and using it again.
"Suit yourself," I smiled. I noticed Shinji, who was leaning against the counter finishing his drink, had
taken one of his headphones out.
"Car rally?" he asked Misato.
"Jill has asked to go to the Rally Japan races in Obihiro this weekend," Misato explained to him. With a
smile, she said, "You're fond of autos and racing, aren't you, Shinji?"
"Uh, a little, yeah," he responded, looking at the three of us in turn.
I let things hang for a second before I took up the reins from Misato. "Do you wanna come, Shinji?" I
asked.
"Sure, I guess," was his reply.
I looked to Misato. "Is that cool with you?"
"Works for me," she replied. "But you haven't heard the whole deal yet."
I glanced at Asuka while waiting for Misato to continue. The Second Child was looking at me when my
gaze turned her way, but looked elsewhere when she saw my attention on her.
"Go on," Shinji was saying to Misato.
"You two will be considered to be on alert," she said, gesturing to Shinji and me. "If anything happens an Angel attack, a malfunction with Units 00 or 02, if Asuka or Rei catches the flu or falls down the stairs,
anything at all, you will be recalled. A VTOL will be at the ready all weekend and will pick you up directly from
whereever you happen to be in such an event."
I had visions of a stage of the rally having to be stopped because one of the giant NERV crafts had
landed on the road, so Shinji and I could board. "Okay," I replied.
"That's fine," Shinji added.
"Why couldn't we do that in Okinawa?" Asuka muttered.
Misato turned to her. "Policies change and new ideas are born," she explained. "If you have your heart
set on Okinawa, you can go later, after they're back, but the same rules will apply; you'll have to be prepared to
return here on no notice at all."
"Fine, fine," Asuka said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "I get it. It's a good idea."
"I know," Misato grinned, a little drunkenly. She turned back to the rest of us. "Be ready to fly out Friday
morning at 9:00. You'll be there for 12:30. Barring any problems, the return trip will take place at 8:00 Sunday
night."
"Thank you very much, Misato," I told her.
"You're welcome, but you will have to make up those two school days. Just remember that," she smiled.
"You sure you're okay with this?" I was asking Asuka a couple days later, at school.
"Sure I'm sure," she said. "Go off and enjoy yourself."
"What about Shinji?"
"What about him?" she snorted. "What do I care what he does?"
"Asuka," I said with a knowing tone.
"What?" she all but yelled at me. "I don't care! Are you listening?!"
"Okay, okay," I said, acquiescing to her. I couldn't help but throw in one last line which I hoped would
lighten the mood: "Did you want me to bring anything back from Obihiro for you?"
She sighed with aggravation. "When are you leaving again??"
Nine o'clock on Friday morning saw Shinji and I at the air base nearest Tokyo-3, boarding a NERV VTOL
with all of our stuff. Okay, all of my stuff; Shinji was traveling light, with a pack containing a couple of changes of
clothes and some snacks and drinks. I had my camera, tripod, three changes of clothes, snacks, drinks, a
battery charger for the camera, spare Memory Sticks, a music player for the trip there and back, and etc.
"Aren't you forgetting something?" Misato said from the driver's seat of her car. She'd driven us to the
airfield, graciously enough.
"I think I got it all," I said, turning back to her with my hands full.
She held out a green duffel bag, smirking.
"Oh! Crap! Um.. hang on," I said, hurrying over to the idling jet-craft and dumping my stuff at the
boarding stairs. Dashing back to the car, I took my plugsuit bag from Misato with thanks.
"Try not to lose this," she said. "You might need it."
Doubt it.. unless the shadow Angel attacks ahead of schedule. "I'll keep it with me at all times," I vowed.
"Good. Have fun!"
I waved as she backed away from the landing pad, then I dashed back towards the ship once again.
Someone had picked up all my stuff and moved it into the craft, so all I had to do was scramble up the stairs and
get into one of the seats.
"I brought your bags aboard," Shinji said, gesturing to a couple of seats across the aisle, laden with the
gear.
"Thanks," I said, hefting the duffel. "Almost forgot this."
"I put mine into my pack," he pointed out, "so I'd have less to carry."
"Yeah, I probably should have done that, but I kind of got carried away," I admitted. Sitting down, I
removed my sunglasses and perched them atop the Subaru World Rally Team sun visor I'd bought in town
before heading out. "We'll have plenty of time on the flight in for me to do that kind of thing, I think."
"Right," Shinji nodded, smiling. Seeing him with an expression other than agony or being upset always
threw me off, but I was too elated on actually going to the event to dwell on it.
The machine took to the skies and headed towards the northeast at a dizzying pace, even faster than
the Evas could run. The landscape zipped by under and around us, with the pilots giving us a great up-close
view of Mt. Fuji before leaving the region for Obihiro.
My mind, of course, was already on the rally stages. Forget worrying about the Evas and keeping my
role in it all straight; at that point, my biggest concern was to make sure that we got a good spot, to both watch
the race and capture the action with my camera gear.
The race weekend started out with what's called a Super Special Stage, which is one of the rally's
stages, held in a stadium or motocross park, or other place where lots of spectators can gather. It's also the only
time that cars race side-by-side, rather than the timed runs made on the normal 'special stages' themselves.
Shinji and I had average seats, which would have been near the goal line had the bleachers been part of
a football stadium. Instead, we were on the edge of the first turn of the course, so we got to see both cars in
each race twice, at the height of their acceleration.
I have to admit now that I would have embarrassed Asuka to no end. I was in full-out otaku mode,
standing up and cheering and screaming my head off. I think it scared Shinji a little, but he mentioned nothing at
the time.
Nearby, of course, were two agents from Section Two. Their job was to grab us and haul ass to the
VTOL if any kind of alert occurred at NERV HQ, or any indication of Angel attacks became apparent. I was
comfortable knowing, or at least presuming, that they wouldn't be needed, and I had told them to stay out of our
hair and let us enjoy ourselves. Still, two large, suited men a couple rows away, wearing dark glasses and talking
into their wristwatches, was a pretty conspicuous thing.
On Saturday, when we went out to the rural stages themselves, it started out as a pleasant, enjoyable
day. The buses hired by the rally organizers disgorged their passengers at the start of the first spectator stage,
and we all spilled out into the countryside, wandering along until we each found our own perfect spot to take in
the action.
Shinji and I must have hiked three or four kilometers in from stage start, until we got to a point where the
road came over a crest. The cars would be accelerating there, and it was likely most of them would take air over
the impromptu jump.
"This looks good," Shinji said, looking around.
"I agree," I replied, shrugging off my pack and unfolding my camera tripod, preparing to set it up.
Shinji took a moment to remove his own pack and get out a drink, then watched me. "How did you get
interested in all this?" he asked.
Adjusting the tripod, I smiled and shrugged. "I don't remember, to be honest," I told him. "Saw it on TV
once, I guess, and as they say, the rest is history. I admire these guys. They have b.. er, guts.. to drive at a
hundred and sixty K through a tight forest, on a gravel road."
"It is pretty dangerous," he agreed. "But what I meant is, it doesn't seem like the kind of thing a girl would
be interested in."
I smirked and glanced at him. "You need to listen to Asuka more," I declared. "Remember, I'm 'weird'."
Getting out my camera, I placed it on top of the tripod and started to ensure the aim and tilt was set up right.
"Besides, there have been lots of women involved in this sport forever."
"Oh.. sorry," he apologized.
"Don't be sorry," I said, and then decided to stand up and face him directly to make a point. "I wasn't
trying to get you to apologize, or change your mind, or anything like that. I was just stating my opinion. And you
were just stating yours. People have different ideas about things, and there's nothing wrong with that."
"A-all right," Shinji said, surprised at my response.
"Besides," I said, going back to work, "it's okay to be at odds with someone. There's nothing that says
you need to share the same opinions and beliefs as anyone else. Not everyone in the world feels the same way
you do, and they definitely don't feel the same way as I do." That last bit was tossed in as a self-depreciating
remark, as a joke, and I hoped he took it that way.
"Okay," he nodded.
"Good," I grinned.
It took about 30 minutes for the first cars to come through the stage. The first car was the 'zero car', not
an actual competitor, but marshals checking the security of the course, to make sure no spectators were on the
course, there were no big rocks or logs or anything that idiots had strewn across the road, or no traffic could get
in from a sideroad by accident, for example. All the while, I was spouting all of this info to Shinji as well, knowing
that he probably would have been content to just sit (or stand) and watch, but I was too hyped to stay still.
A few minutes after the zero car finished the stage and declared it safe for competition, the first car was
released from the starting point. Cars are released every two minutes from the starting point, and race against
the clock, not one another - so, for example, the fourteenth car through the stage could be the leader, if he drives
the stage in the least amount of time.
It was as the first competition car came over the crest that everything began to unravel for me. A
marshal's whistle sounded from up the road, and the car's roaring engine could be heard just beyond that. In
seconds, the machine launched itself off the crest in a scene which, to a racing nut like me, at any other time,
would have been very picturesque.
However, I hadn't taken into consideration that there was a long curve that preceded the crest, a righthand turn for the drivers. The cars would still be sliding out across the road toward the left when they took off
from the crest of the hill.
Right toward where Shinji and I were.
We were in no danger from the first car's path of travel; he was going fairly slow, because the gravel was
still thick and deep on the road, yet to be swept off by all the cars' tires churning it up. However, it was close
enough to me for me to flash back to another time in another life, and I went into a state of panic.
"S-shinji," I stammered, shivering and shaking. "We have to get out of here."
"What?" he said, surprised. "We just got here."
"I can't be here! We're outside the turn! This is bad!" I hollered, stepping away from the camera. I was
going to pick the whole thing up and cross the road to the safe side.
"Wait!" Shinji said, grabbing at the sleeve of my T-shirt. "You can't cross now, the race is underway!"
"We've got two minutes," I babbled, struggling to break free. "We can't stay here!"
"Jillian.. calm down!" he protested, grabbing hold of me with both hands now. "We'll back up a little bit,
okay? We can't enter the road or they might cancel the stage. You just told me that a few minutes ago. You don't
want to ruin the whole day, do you?"
"I.. I.." I stammered, still trying to get away from him.
"Please. You're safe. I'm here with you. We'll move back, and watch from the tree line. Is that okay?"
Finally, I stopped resisting his grip. Looking towards him, I said, "O.. okay." I don't know if I was
projecting a look of abject terror, but Shinji's expression surely led me to believe he was scared, at least of my
reaction if nothing else.
Shinji only let go of me when it was apparent I wouldn't bolt and run. He took our packs and stuff and
gestured for me to follow him, and I hefted the camera and tripod and ran the same way he was going.
"See?" Shinji said, resting a hand on a tree he was standing beside. "These are at least fifteen
centimeters across at their base. We're fine in here."
"R-right," I said, still shaking, still trying to regain my composure. I tried to distract myself by working at
setting the camera up again.
Just as I was finished and focusing down the stage again, the marshal's whistle blew, and car number
two launched itself off the crest of the hill. Involuntarily, I flinched and recoiled, and hit the shutter on the camera
too early, ruining what could have been a great shot. The car, of course, came nowhere near us, and roared on
down the stage, fans on both sides of the road cheering madly.
"Are you okay?" Shinji asked. "Maybe we should go back--"
"No," I said firmly, though I could still feel myself shaking. "W-we're staying. I'm bigger than this. I can
beat this." I hadn't meant to say the last two sentences aloud, but I did.
"Okay, if you say so," Shinji said warily.
The race continued, and I tried to keep my cool, but every time a car came over the crest, I found myself
unable to keep from jerking away from the camera, wanting to be able to see clearly if it was going to come my
way and wipe me out. I tried many times to steel myself for the cars' approach, but every time, I failed.
Then I jumped again, shocked as something touched the middle of my back. When I regained my
senses, I realized it was Shinji's hand.
"I'm right here," he said. "Focus on your pictures and the race. I'm watching for you."
I didn't know what to say. He was basically telling me (and my irrational mind) to put my safety directly in
his hands, literally, and forget about worrying about it. If I was in danger, he would take care of it.
Is that something Shinji would do? I wondered. A moment later, I told myself that was a ridiculous
thought, especially since he was already doing it. Then, the whistle blew, and the sixth car was thundering down
the road towards the crest.
"Everything's okay," I heard Shinji say as I leaned my face towards the camera's viewfinder. "I've got
you."
His hand pressure increased slightly as the car burst over the crest, moving at full speed and engine
howling. I focused all my energies into tracking the car in the lens and shooting at just the right second, and after
an electronic 'click', I was rewarded with a masterful shot of an Audi Quattro rally car in flight.
"Th-thanks," I stammered as the noise dwindled down to nothing again.
"It's okay," he said, smiling at me as I looked at him over my shoulder. "It's no problem."
It occurred to me at that point, finally, that it truly was no problem to him. Despite all the screwed up
things in Shinji's life, being protective and helpful was his way. In the Eva, he always kept the safety of his fellow
pilots in mind. This, obviously, was no different in his view of things.
I thanked him again when the stage was over and we were moving on to the next location.
"It's all right," he reiterated, "but what went wrong there?"
"Um," I said, unsure of what to tell him. Admitting that I flashed back to the moment of my first death was
probably not the right thing to do. Finally, I told him, "I've never been to a world-class event, and they run faster
and harder than anything else. I just wasn't prepared for it, that's all." There, at least a sliver of truth was hidden
in the answer.
"You had me worried for a minute," he responded.
"Sorry," I said sheepishly. "I hope I didn't ruin the trip for you."
"Not in the least," he assured me. "Don't worry about it."
We continued on to the next spectator stage, with me focusing my thoughts on a confident, talkative
Shinji. Would this have effects on how things turned out in the end? For the first time in a long time, I turned my
thoughts to the fate we were all racing towards. And, for the first time in a long time, I felt oddly optimistic about
our chances.
When we returned home, days later, a number of things were waiting for us. Piled schoolwork, sync and
harmonics tests, and other such things, not to mention our friends, who wanted to hear all the details of our trip.
"I thought you didn't like cars and racing," I kidded Asuka, as we suited up for a synchronization test.
"Shut up! That's not what I'm talking about," Asuka said, stepping out of her civilian clothes.
"Then what?" I asked.
"You.. and the Third.. were together by yourselves, for an entire weekend.."
"Gah! Uckk," I shivered. "Asuka, I'm not that kind of person. We just went to the races and had a couple
meals together. Otherwise, nothing went on."
"Are you sure?" Asuka teased, all but leering at me.
"Pilot Thomson is not interested in a relationship right now," Rei said quietly from her corner of the locker
room.
"What?! What do you know, Miss Perfect?!" Asuka bellowed, obliterating my gasp of surprise and jawdropping look of shock.
"It is readily apparent, to one who is observant," Rei said, shrugging her shoulders into her plugsuit.
I found my voice. "Rei, um... thanks for taking my side, but.."
"What would she see in a dolt like him anyway?" Asuka snapped. "Always doing what he's told, never
taking initiative, always apologetic for everything, including things that aren't his fault..."
Oh, boy, I thought. If Shinji's attitude from the trip spills over to today, this won't end well.
Rei activated her plugsuit without another word, and headed to the test cage, with Asuka's ranting
chasing her out of the locker room. I sighed and carried on my way as well, listening to Asuka rail about Rei and
Shinji alternatively, all the way to the cage.
Misato was waiting for us, and wanted to know how things had gone on the weekend as well.
"Good, Major, very good," I smiled. "There were a couple of moments, but it was a great time overall."
"That's good to hear," she said. "Shinji and Rei are already in the test plugs. You two get into yours."
Asuka and I got into our respective test chambers and went through the usual startup sequence. When
the network connections came up, Shinji was chattering happily with Rei about the trip. She was listening and
occasionally interjecting comments when he asked her questions, even rhetorical ones such as 'doesn't that
sound cool?', but otherwise she remained quiet.
I didn't know if Shinji's upbeat mood was as a result of the trip, as if it had given his mind a break and
allowed him to be a boy again, or if it was the reverse - that his personality had rounded the corner, so to speak,
before the trip, and this was simply more of the same of how he was going to be behaving now.
For what it's worth, neither he (at least, as far as I know), nor I, had mentioned my freaking out on the
side of the road to anyone. As far as I was concerned, it could stay between us (and the two Section Two men
who had undoubtedly seen everything from a short distance away). I had no desire to try to come up with a valid
explanation for my breakdown, and it might cause the higher-ups to reconsider my fitness as a pilot to boot.
Everyone quietened down as the test began. We all settled in and did our usual tasks to sync up with the
simulation bodies. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I found myself wondering how we could synchronize with
the sim bodies, when in fact it was supposed to be the souls inside the Evas (at least, as far as I knew) that we
were really linking up with, when we did it for real. Perhaps the sim bodies were as much of a fallacy as the
Marduk Institute was; maybe the 'wires' went directly from the sim plugs to the Evas themselves.
Whatever. I knew if I continued along that line of thinking, I would wonder who was inside my Eva again,
and I didn't want to go down that road for two reasons: One, the most sensible answer was impossible, and two,
all this analytical thinking and worry and doubt would screw up my sync score.
Anyway, sitting/lying in the control seat of the test plug, relaxing and trying to sync up, was hardly a
chore anymore. More often than not, the sensation of being on the edge between sleep and consciousness was
very real and prevalent. I hadn't yet been caught snoozing, but I worried that one day I might let myself go, and
wake up to find all of Central Dogma watching and listening to me snore in the LCL-filled entry plug.
It was Misato's voice that kept me from drifting off this particular time around. She called out for Shinji,
who roused from his near-meditative state to answer her happily, asking for his sync score. I was jolted into full
alertness by this query. Oh, shit. Here it comes.
"Get this, Shinji: You are number one!" she declared.
I'm sure Misato did that in the hopes that hearing something positive about his time in the Eva would
keep Shinji's spirits up, but she didn't take Asuka's frailty - if that is the right word - into account. We all had
windows open with the visage of each other on our screens, and Asuka flinched visibly, lips twisting into a snarl,
when Shinji was congratulated.
All of our scores were announced at that point: Shinji, as mentioned, scored highest; Asuka next; and
interestingly enough, Rei and I tied for third, not very many points behind the German girl.
Back in the locker room, Asuka began ranting about Shinji again. I decided to keep my mouth shut and
let her vent; Rei remained quiet, too, though that was, of course, usual for her.
"What a joke! Stupid Shinji better than me? It's not possible," Asuka went on. "It was just a hiccup. We
all have our bad days, right, Fourth?"
I blinked, not expecting her to ask my opinion. "We, uh, well, all have good days sometimes too," I
pointed out. "Maybe Shinji is just feeling better because of his time off. Get them to give you your trip sooner
rather than later, and maybe you'll--"
"I don't need a trip to loosen up or anything like that," Asuka shot back. "I'm fine! There's nothing wrong
with me."
"I didn't mean to imply there was," I replied, feeling like I was losing the battle already.
"See you tomorrow in school," Rei said softly from the doorway. I hadn't even realized she was done
changing; in another heartbeat, she was gone.
Asuka hmph'ed at Rei's departure, then went back to railing about Shinji. "What a joke. An aberration!
That's what it was. Third Child just had a lucky day. I'll put him in his place tomorrow!"
Unfortunately, as I'd dreaded, fate had other plans for us for 'tomorrow'.
I hurried towards the Geofront upon receipt of the alert, trying not to look over at the giant, zebra-striped
orb in the sky a few blocks away. Cars were abandoned in the streets, and everything was deserted, as was
usual during an attack alert. The only person I saw besides myself was Rei, who I happened to catch up with on
the way to HQ.
"Where are the others?" she asked calmly, even though she was pounding the pavement just as hard as
I was.
"Either ahead or behind," I responded, not realizing how absurd it sounded. "I haven't seen them yet
today."
"Right," she nodded, and halted just long enough to swipe her card to get into the base. I followed suit,
the armored gates thankfully clanking shut behind us to cut off my view of the new Angel.
Within 20 minutes, the four of us were deployed throughout the city, hiding behind buildings like giant
SWAT team members, peeking around buildings at the enemy, or, at least, what they thought was the enemy.
"Recommend we pair up," I called out.
"It's better if you surround the object," Ritsuko responded. "Take up points throughout the city."
"Yeah," Asuka said. I could almost hear the sneer in her voice as she added, "Besides, the great numero
uno Shinji doesn't need backup, does he?"
"S-shut up!" came the reply from Eva 01.
I frowned to myself. There went my plan to be there to keep Shinji from falling into the Sea of Dirac.
Okay. You'll just have to figure something else out. No sweat.
"Fine!" Shinji was saying in response to some comment from the command center. "01 will take point!"
Asuka growled disgustedly and said, "02 will back him up!"
"00 will back up as well," Rei contributed.
"03 acknowledged, backing up," I declared, and assessed the playing field, trying to find a place that
would allow me to stay within range of Shinji so I could try to catch him when the shadow appeared.
If it appears, I told myself. What if Shinji didn't press his hand and fire at the Angel first? How would we
defeat it if Shinji didn't take the bait?
While I was moving into position, I asked aloud, "How do we know this is the true target?"
"What are you, a dummy?" Asuka shot back. "It's an Angel! What more do you need?"
"Pattern still orange, still inconclusive," one of the techs spoke up.
"Don't you think it's odd that it just appeared out of nowhere and bypassed all our early warning systems,
just to hang out?" I argued. "Doesn't that seem odd?"
"Keep this channel clear for status updates," Misato warned us, ending the conversation. I felt good that
I'd at least tried to bring up the point, but annoyed that my protests fell on deaf ears.
"Are you in position yet?" Shinji asked us all, his voice a low whisper, for some reason.
"Almost," I replied. "Two minutes."
The others didn't respond. I filled up the silence with a suggestion: "Stay cool, Eva 01. Wait for us to
have it flanked before you go off on it."
"Hurry up," was Shinji's response. I cursed under my breath and continued to my intended position.
I checked the readouts of the Eva's rifle, as I had several times before. I figured the weapon was
pointless, but I wanted to have it ready just in case my gut feeling was wrong, or something else happened that
necessitated its use. I had one assault rifle and my prog knife; Asuka, a large pole-ax and her knife; and the
other two a pistol and a sniper-type rifle between them. If the Angel proved defeatable, we were equipped to
make it happen.
"Are you there?" Shinji hissed again.
"Stop whispering!" Asuka demanded. "And be patient!"
I found myself suddenly filled with a sense of dread, as I heard three shots ring out. The zebra-striped
ball vanished from sight, the rounds arcing off harmlessly into the deep blue sky beyond.
"Pattern blue confirmed! Angel!" someone in Command shouted.
"Where?" Misato demanded. "The target's disappeared!"
I had already ejected my umbilical cable and was sprinting over for Shinji's position, consequences be
damned. If they grilled me and questioned me forever asking how I knew what would happen, either I would tell
them the truth or eventually come up with a good excuse. But I had no intention of letting Shinji get lost to that
inky abyss.
His cries for help were echoing over the comm channel when I leapt over several smaller buildings and
nearly dove headlong into the Sea myself. Twisting and flailing, I managed to avoid being swallowed, at the cost
of crushing a weapons-locker building. Shinji, however, as I noticed when I lifted my head to look around, was
already more than halfway swallowed up by the Angel's dark maw.
"Shinji!" I hollered, leaning over and reaching out with the Eva's arm. "Grab my hand!"
He was panicking big time and losing his sync ratio in a hurry, if the jerky, halting movements of his
Eva's limbs were any indication. Even if he had been able to reach out to me, we still wouldn't have been able to
make contact.
The building I was on began to sink as the shadow/Sea widened, and I had to weigh my options. If I
pushed myself a little further towards the Sea, I could probably reach Sho's outstretched hand, but would I be
able to pull us both out and make it to safety before the building went completely under?
"Help me!" Shinji wailed, calling out all our names repeatedly. I had no idea where Rei or Asuka were,
and never bothered to ask them later. For all I knew, they could have been hanging on to me, to keep me from
going in; I'll never know for sure.
However, as my straining and stretching continued to prove ineffective to reach the sinking Eva, a
strange thought occurred to me.
Let him go.
I was shocked that I'd think such a thing, and almost whipped my head around to see if someone else
was inexplicably in the entry plug with me, and had said it themselves.
You know he'll turn out okay. Just let it happen.
I continued holding my arm out, even though Shogouki was all but completely into the dark void by then.
It's how it's meant to be. It's an important moment in his development. Don't interfere.
I could see what my subconscious, or whatever it was, meant, but I still didn't know if I could just sit there
and watch him get taken away by the Angel. Besides, what if he didn't come out of it all right, or at all? What if I
turned out to be wrong?
The hesitation provided just enough time for Eva 01, every last bit of it, to sink completely into the black,
empty space beneath me.
By the time I was disembarking my Eva at the forward command post, almost everything had been set
up. Misato was there, as was Ritsuko and a whole raft of techs and mechanics. A briefing on what had
happened was going on, but I only listened to it peripherally; I knew what the deal was, and didn't care to hear.
I also didn't have any interest in replaying the last few moments of my rescue attempt in my mind, but
that wasn't as easy to walk away from. I didn't know whether to be upset or sick or satisfied, or what. The truth
about what was most likely to come was finally hitting me, and to say I was conflicted about what my role should
be was a gross understatement. Everything to come - everything that could be defended against or altered - was
going to happen, one way or another, and it was my choice to decide if I let it unravel as intended, or not. What if
my intervention screws everything up?..
I shook my head violently, clamping gloved hands to my temples as if I could exorcise the thoughts
rattling around at that moment. All that I was rewarded with was a reminder of the stickiness of the residual LCL
still left on me from the entry plug.
Just then, I heard a rather one-sided conversation from nearby. I turned to look and saw Asuka standing
at the railing of the platform we were on, hands on hips, looking over the city and in particular the place where
the Sea of Dirac had appeared.
"Well, it's his own damn fault, for rushing in to things," she was saying. A quick glance to the side
confirmed that Rei was nearby and presumably the audience Asuka was playing to.
I headed over that way. Asuka continued, "Just because he scored higher than me this one time, he
thinks he's got what it takes to lead? Get real."
Rei stepped in and faced Asuka before I could say anything. Asuka noticed this, and snarled, "What?
Does the truth about stupid Shinji hurt, Miss Perfect?"
"Asuka," I cautioned as I got to the duo. "Don't go there."
The redhead glanced over at me. She opened her mouth to say something else, but I went on. "Asuka. I
mean it. He might be gone forever for all we know. This is not the time to be acting all high and mighty."
"He's--"
"He did what he did because he wanted to prove he could meet your standards!" I snapped. "He just
wanted the same thing you did!"
Asuka scoffed. "You don't know what I want, Fourth, so shut up!"
I had a vision just then of me hauling back and pounding Asuka in the face over and over. I didn't want to
succumb to that idea - in fact, it outright horrified me - so I shut my eyes and turned my head away from her;
coincidentally, towards Rei.
"Jill is right," Rei said. "Shinji may have acted irresponsibly, but he did it because he thought it would
prove his worth to you."
"Bah!" Asuka dismissed Rei's assertion. "You're both out of your--"
"All of you, stop it right now!" Misato demanded, from the other side of the platform. She stood, arms
wrapped around each other, staring at the giant black disc that had enveloped several city blocks and, more
importantly, Eva 01.
"Why he did it is immaterial," Misato said bluntly. "What matters is getting him back."
Rei startled me some time later, after we had been dispersed by Misato, but were still loitering around
the command post.
"You intend to confront her."
I jumped and turned, seeing the First Child beside me. She was looking at me when I turned around, but
momentarily, her eyes moved to focus on the same thing I'd been looking at.
Across the way, Asuka sat against the outer wall of the command tent, knees drawn up to her chin,
hands wrapped around her shins, head drawn in, almost to a fetal position. She was all but sulking, after having
been reprimanded along with the rest of us, and hadn't said a word to anyone in at least three hours.
I looked back to Asuka and said to Rei, "What do you mean?"
"Jillian," Rei responded evenly, "Please stop.. 'playing dumb' with me."
I chewed on that for a moment. "I'm sorry, Rei. I won't do it again." After a pause, I asked, "Do you think
it's a bad idea?"
"It all depends on what you're planning to say."
"I don't know.. I guess I was going to talk to her about why Shinji did what he did. Try to explain his
motives, as far as I understand them."
"I'm not sure she'll be approachable in any regard right now," Rei said. "But it is your choice to make."
I thought about things for a few seconds. "I just worry that the situation will get worse if she's allowed to
continue with this attitude. I don't want to see it happen."
"It won't," Rei said, barely waiting for me to finish talking before she responded.
"You seem sure of that," I observed, eyeing her.
She was still staring at Asuka. "Because she has you watching her," Rei clarified.
Hours later, after catching a cat nap of sorts and having a bite to eat, I found myself among the
assembled staff in the command post again, listening to Dr. Akagi formulate a plan.
Despite anticipating the details, hearing it said by a real life person stunned me a little. Nine hundred and
ninety two N2 bombs? Each one of them definitely had a blast radius greater than 680 meters, the current
diameter of the Angel - or the shadow it had become. No one could guess the amount of room Shinji had within
the Dirac sea; its measurement defied normal mathematics. But still, at the extreme limit of his life-support
power, with the Eva surely all but shut down, would he be able to withstand the detonation in close proximity of
nearly a thousand non-nuclear heavy ordnance rounds?
When I got into the Eva, all I could think of was how expendable Shinji appeared to be at that point.
Clearly they (Ritsuko, and by extension, absentee Gendo) wanted nothing more than to rescue and salvage 01's
core and possibly its bio-mass. If it got a little fried around the edges, not to mention the injuries and suffering
that would likely be transmitted to the pilot, that was considered acceptable collateral damage.
As the Eva powered up, I experienced a curious, concerned feeling. It took me several minutes to realize
that it was the entity within Sangouki; surely noticing my upset, dejected mood, it wanted to know if I was all
right. Or, perhaps it was worried about Shogouki's disappearance, or a combination of both.
Things'll be all right, I said in my mind. I'm just tired and upset with my friends. And we'll get Sho back
before the UN has their kick at the cat. You'll see.
Relief entered the link then, mixed with confusion. I presumed the latter was because of my confidence
that Shinji would break free on his own, after making contact with his mother inside Sho. I wasn't sure how much
San could read of my mind, but if it had the ability to check out those particular thoughts, I would have been very
intrigued to learn what it thought of the whole deal.
"T minus 8 minutes to N2 drop," Ritsuko's voice came over the comm channel, jarring me back to reality.
"Are you three ready?"
Rei, Asuka, and I were positioned equidistantly around the shadow, our task to project our AT Fields into
the Dirac sea and keep the blast from escaping through the connection to our dimension, so to speak. The
theoretical reasoning for this was that the explosion, coupled with the AT Fields, would cause the severing of the
Angel's body - the Dirac sea - from its 3D shadow, the zebra-striped ball in the sky. Theoretically.
Hopefully, Shinji would get it together in less than eight minutes.
"Unit Zero ready," Rei replied.
"Two is ready," came Asuka's response.
"Three is ready," I said in turn.
"Hold off on extending your AT fields until my command," Ritsuko declared.
I busied myself by looking up and zooming in on the aircraft that were flying towards us. This would have
to be one of the most precise bombing runs in the history of mankind, if it were to work, and I didn't have much
confidence in this world's UN to begin with. Imagine standing beside a manhole while someone drops a trash
can full of flaming gasoline from 11 stories up - and trying to get it right in the hole - and that's about what I felt
our situation was like at that particular moment.
"I don't like this," I muttered.
"Unit Three," Rei responded, "I share your concern, but we have no choice." Evidently I'd said it loud
enough to be heard on the comm channel.
Asuka was oddly silent. I asked, "Two, what do you think?"
"I just wanna get this over with and go home," she said, grumbling about as much as I was. It didn't
occur to me until much later that she was upset because Dr. Akagi had written off Shinji. Maybe Asuka was
feeling remorse for her earlier comments, or maybe she did have more for him than derisive comments already
at this stage.
We all fell silent at this point; I had no idea what else to say, at least, not on a wideband radio channel;
Rei was her usual quiet self, and Asuka remained subdued. The tension continued to build as the bombers
closed in on the target. I kept glancing up at the zebra-ball to see if it had turned all black - the indication, as far
as I recalled, that Shinji was about to break free.
If Shinji were to not make it, who would they put in his place? I found myself wondering. Surely they
would stop at nothing to recover what remained of 01, so the odds were it would need to be piloted again.
Probably Rei. And then decommission 00. I wondered what a Third Impact would be like if Rei initiated it
and was the catalyst at the same time.
"ETA to N2 delivery: 120 seconds," Ritsuko said. A tech was about to supply her with some information,
when the ground started rumbling.
Looking desperately for cracks in the dark mass at my feet, I found myself thinking, All right! Way to
show them, Shinji! Keep kickin'!
The others were shocked and surprised at the sudden movement, and so I added my own 'surprise' to
the radio chatter. The Dirac sea had fractured all over its surface, the black giving way to red, like a burnt piece
of meat showing its partially-cooked middle.
Looking up again, the zebra-ball had indeed turned flat black, and a rend was beginning to appear on
one side. I called out for everyone to look just in time to see Sho's two hands force their way through the rift,
fingertips first, and shred the side of the Angel's body mercilessly.
Red blood - at least, I presumed it was blood - hemorrhaged from the Angel, as Shogouki made its way
out from within. The hiss and gush of the blood along with the roar of Sho was the only thing making any sound;
even Command had gone quiet. It was more eerie than I remembered the scene.
"Mein Gott... is that what I'm piloting?" Asuka asked rhetorically.
Ritsuko was saying something in a low tone, too low for the audio pickups to make out. She and Misato
conversed, interrupted only when Sho finally broke free of the Angel and leapt down to the street, landing
between the three other Evas, blood and gore streaming down the armored surfaces.
I stood and stared, awestruck by the Evangelion before me. Even though I'd expected it, the sight of
Shogouki in a near-berserk state, with all the destruction and damage surrounding us, caught me off guard.
Another sensation came to me from within Sangouki; this time, a sense of worry, with fear and pride
paradoxically mixed in at the same time. This time, although it was still unexpected, I at least recognized what
was going on.
I don't blame you, San, I found myself saying. It's almost enough for me to fill my plugsuit.
Chapter Sixteen: Beyond
Shinji was recovered, of course, and taken to the medical wing for observation for a few days. We all
visited him, including Asuka - though she mainly lurked outside the door and listened to the rest of us chatting
with him. Once, I embarrassed myself by entering the room while the bed and the opposite couch were both
occupied; the couch contained a recumbent, sleeping blue-haired girl, who startled awake as I stopped short in
the room.
"Shit. Sorry, Rei, I didn't know you stayed over," I whispered to her.
"It is all right," she replied sleepily, rubbing her eyes and sitting up. "I should be leaving anyway."
"You don't have to," I said, noting Shinji's unconscious form. "I won't be staying if he's asleep, either."
"Don't worry," she said. "I have things to do."
I watched her get up and approach the door. For lack of anything better to say, I asked how Shinji was
doing.
"He woke briefly during the night," she said, pausing beside me. Her eyes searched mine for a moment
and she then said, "Calling for his mother."
I didn't know how to respond to that, given what I presumed about Rei's heritage. In the end, all I said
was, "You're a good friend for staying with him, Rei."
"Thank you, Jill," was her reply, continuing her trek to the door. "I'm leaving now."
The ensuing week, while Shinji was in hospital for observation, was all about getting back to normal.
Asuka and I were back at school the next day - Rei being absent, though the odds were she was with Gendo
doing something to further his plans, if I had any grasp of his motives. Anyway, our classmates wanted to know
as many of the details about the Angel attack as we could tell, and so we indulged them, to an extent. It was still
forbidden to speak of much of the events that took place when we were in our Evas, but the actual happenings
that occurred in public weren't much of a secret to begin with, so I related that in as much detail as I could
without violating my employer's secrecy rules.
Asuka began her tales by pointing out how Shinji had caused his own capture, but soon, her stories
slowed and ebbed, and she left out more and more details, until the point where she said she didn't want to talk
about it any more. It didn't take a psychologist to tell that she was feeling guilt, or something similar, about all the
things she'd said and felt that night about Shinji.
I think I need to break the ice soon, Rei, I found myself thinking, as I stared at a silenced Asuka sitting
sullenly at her school desk, eyes riveted to the wooden top. I'd have to consult with Rei the next time I saw her,
so I could prepare myself to take Asuka aside and help her deal.
That, though, I soon found, would have to wait. My cell phone chirped during the lunch break, on the
third day back to school.
"I thought you kept that on silent," Asuka murmured.
"Oh hush," I said jovially, trying to inject humor into our conversation, to pick up Asuka's spirits. "We all
make mistakes, you know."
She didn't say another word while I answered the telephone. I frowned inside at that turn of events; my
response was likely taken as a stab at her, even though it wasn't meant that way.
"Fourth Child, this is Dr. Akagi's office," someone said on the line - it could have been a recording, for all
I know. "Report to headquarters for testing at once."
This time my frown was on the outside as well, as I closed the phone confusedly, staring at it.
"What was that about?" asked Asuka distantly.
"Ritsuko wants me for tests," I said, puzzled. "Like right now."
"Better not keep her waiting, then," Asuka responded.
I looked down to her. "When I get back, you and I gotta have a talk, Second."
"Yeah, whatever," came her response.
I bade her and the other classmates farewell, and headed off towards headquarters, somewhat
perplexed. Why was I being tested and not Asuka? Oh, crap - have they suspended her?
That thought exited my mind as swiftly as it'd come in. She hadn't done anything to warrant such
treatment, and bad moods didn't count, as far as I knew.
Was it because of Shinji's being laid up? Or had Rei's testing - if that was indeed what she was doing uncovered something that needed examination?
I had no concrete answer for the questions, and no idea why I was being summoned, other than the
terse initial statement - 'for testing, at once'. So, without further ado, I just made my way to NERV, deciding to
find out what the situation was when I got there.
Upon arrival, I was ordered to report to the command center, which was even more puzzling to me. What
was I being drafted into doing? Was this the 'behind the scenes' setup of some event I already knew, or at least
could predict, would happen?
Misato, Ritsuko, the primary techs, and Fuyutsuki and Gendo were all there, in their usual places, when I
arrived. "Uhm. Pilot Thomson reporting in, sir," I directed to the commander on high, perched above the main
command floor.
"Good," Ikari responded. "Doctor Akagi, you may begin."
"Jill, you are being taken off active duty for up to six weeks," Ritsuko said, activating a video display,
showing a schematic of San. "Unit 03 will be offlined during the same time to undergo some modifications."
"What kind of modifications?" I finally managed to get in.
Ritsuko faced me again to explain, as images and schematics flashed across the screen. "As you're
aware, the main Achilles heel in the Evangelions' current design is their reliance on a fixed power source. As it
turns out, the Angels have within them a theoretically limitless engine, known as a Super Solenoid. We've been
lucky enough to recover one from one of the nearly-complete Angel specimens from previous battles.. what are
you doing? What's the matter?"
It wasn't until Ritsuko cut off her explanation that I realized I was trembling and shaking my head. "Are..
are you proposing putting parts of an Angel into 03?" I said, trying to mask my true fears by posing a related
question.
"It's not a proposal, Pilot," Gendo said flatly. "Unit 03 is being fitted with the S 2 organ as a test. If it
proves functional, the other Evangelions will receive S2 organs as they become available. You will assist in
testing and development."
I nervously turned back to Dr. Akagi. "Are you sure this is safe?" I asked, trying to think up a way to
address the concerns I had, 'remembering' what happened to 04 - and NERV Nevada - in the fictional version of
events.
"There's always some inherent risk," she said with an icy tone, as if she wanted to call me a wuss for
being scared.
Misato chose that moment to speak up. "Jill, we wouldn't consider this with one of our front-line Eva units
unless we were confident in the outcome," she said. "Considering how busy we are with Angel attacks, we can't
afford to have anyone down for any great length of time. But the opportunity has presented itself to allow one of
you to be able to function for long periods of time at a distance from the Geofront. There're no assurances that
future battles will be able to be wrapped up in just five minutes. That's what this is about."
So why me, then? Why not 02 or even better yet 01? I wondered, but didn't say. As I looked back at
Misato, it dawned on me that she was likely wondering the same thing herself.
Then it struck me. 02 and 01, with Asuka and Shinji aboard respectively, of course, each scored higher
than I did on tests. Their skill level saved them from being a science experiment, because their prowess would
be required on the battleground if an Angel attacked. The third-string Eva and its pilot could be taken down
without compromising the safety of HQ - much. And as for why not 00 and Rei, well, 00 was the prototype, and
they probably wanted a production model to test on, considering 03 was the template for the others, at least, for
now.
"Do you understand, Pilot?" Gendo called out, bringing me back to reality.
"Y-yes," I said, "Though I still have some misgivings."
"Irrelevant," he declared, "but noted. The Magi agree that this can be accomplished without concern, and
the modifications are underway. You will be summoned when testing is required. Dismissed."
Shit.
Shit, shit, shit!
"Shit!" I cursed aloud, without thinking. A couple of people on the sidewalk stopped to look at the gaijin
girl making rude noises, but then carried on.
I, too, continued towards home, though suitably embarrassed. That, though, was minor, compared to
how I was feeling about the whole situation outlined back at HQ.
So is it my fate now to disappear in an anti-matter blast, or my own personal Dirac sea? I wondered.
And would that be better than being crushed at the hands of Shogouki, my Eva infected by Bardiel?
If we were at that point in the timeline, then another Child was to be picked shortly. Was that even
necessary now, though? Asuka wasn't in danger of sliding too far out of favor in her sync scores - yet - and Eva
04.. well, I hadn't heard anything about it, but that didn't really mean anything. They could have been building it
in secret, without telling the rest of us its status. It was doubly interesting to think about 04, considering that I'd
apparently just taken its place as sacrificial lamb to the S2.
The idea of testing a Super Solenoid in HQ gave me mixed feelings. On one hand, perhaps my fears
were unfounded, and the S2 was stable enough that there was no risk to the various things Gendo had stored in
his basement. If they were confident enough to not be concerned about damage to Lilith, the Spear of Longinus,
etc., then maybe I was safe too. On the other hand, I hadn't had any confirmation that we'd remain in Tokyo-3 to
do the testing and install. Maybe it would be moved to Matsushiro. Then I could be party to a double whammy:
Not only would I evaporate in a Super Solenoid failure, but 03 would be invaded by the thirteenth Angel at the
same time.
You're pathetic, I sighed to myself as I finally turned toward my housing complex. Quit worrying and just
do your job. You have the power to keep things going right.
I found myself wishing I really believed my thoughts.
The next day, I was back to school, as usual. Rei had returned, too, though nothing was said of her
absence or the reasons behind it. As for my time away, however, Asuka took interest in that.
"So. What was yesterday all about?" she asked during a lull in the class day, leaning over towards my
desk.
"Um.. I've been taken off active duty," I explained. "They want to do something to 03."
"'Do something'?" Asuka asked, one eyebrow raised. "That sounds particularly spooky."
"Oh.. no, they told me what it is," I went on. "They have this thing called a Super Solenoid engine.."
"Yes, yes," Asuka nodded. "I remember hearing about it in Germany. The best scientists there were
working at understanding its properties."
"They ...think they have a working one, here, in Japan," I told her. "And they want to put it in my Eva."
"What?!" she gasped. "And you're letting them??"
I shrugged. "It's not like I have a choice," I began, but she cut me off.
"Of course you have a choice! What are they going to do, take Eva away from you? You're the
designated pilot. It's designed around your specific parameters!" She sighed. "Nothing is out of your control
unless you let it be, Fourth. What you choose to do defines that."
I blinked and smiled, surprised at the unintentional parallels between the current conversation and the
thoughts I'd had on the way home the night before. "True, I guess. Thanks," I said.
"I am surprised that they are doing this with you, instead of one of us, or even Miss Perfect's prototype,
though," Asuka commented.
"Oh. Well, I figured it was because my sync scores are lower than yours, so I'm a little more expendable,
sort of. If an Angel attacks, they probably want to have the best ready and able to fight. They can afford to put
me on the bench for a while."
"Good point," Asuka said, with a hint of a smug smile, which faded slightly as she added, "Oh.. by the
way.. I know what you wanted to talk to me about."
"You do?" I asked tentatively after a moment.
"Yeah. I know it was wrong to say what I did. I just couldn't help myself." She fixed me with a steady
gaze, a serious expression on her face. "I can't tell you why. You'll just have to believe me."
I was taken aback by the last part. "Uhm, okay," I responded. "But you do know that Shinji just wanted to
prove his worth to you, right--"
"Jill.. I really don't want to go there," Asuka said flatly.
My whole argument came to a grinding halt in my mind. As I'd rehearsed it time and time again in my
head, my next line was to have been something like 'Tough, we need to talk about this', but something in her
words and expression derailed me. I studied her face for a long moment while trying to figure out what to say
next, and finally only managed a feeble "All right."
Suddenly, my courage returned and I found a way to say something - anything - that I figured would be
useful and relevant. "Asuka, I do have something to say, though, and I intend for you to let me finish it."
She looked up at me again as I drew a deep breath, then declared, "There are things going on that I
know about. I probably shouldn't, and there's no way to explain it to you adequately right now. But I want you to
trust me that I would never steer you wrong. I like you, as a good friend, and I don't want to see something bad
happen to you. Sometimes I might end up saying something which will go against your beliefs or attitude, but I
want you to trust me. If I say something to you, it's not something hollow meant to bring you false cheer, or
anything like that. Anything I say or do is meant to be helpful. Okay?"
Asuka was taken aback by the long-winded statement. "Pretentious much?" she muttered, but then
regained her composure a little. "If you say so," she said, then added: "What is it you know?"
I shrugged slightly. "Nothing I can substantiate right now," I said. "Mainly theories. But let me put it this
way: you can learn a tremendous amount just by observing."
Out of the corner of my eye, two rows to my left, I saw a blue-haired head nod up and down ever-soslightly, as if in agreement.
Lunchtime brought a surprising moment.
"Hey, Fourth, move over," came Asuka's voice as I sat and munched on my traditional Western lunch
meal.
I gasped facetiously. "Dining with the commoners, huh?" I said, sliding to one side on the bench.
Asuka tch'ed and set down her own tray of school-bought food. "Stupid Shinji didn't make anything for us
for today," she said.
"Ohhh," I said, smiling. "Too bad you're completely inept and can't fend for yourself," I teased.
"Shut up," she said with a smirk, jostling my elbow just as I was about to pick up my milk.
I felt better now that things seemed to be returning to normal. Even as I thought that, I realized that not
everything was as normal as I'd expected. "Hey.. where's Hikari?" I asked, looking around.
"Bah. She made lunch for one of the stooges today. Don't tell anyone, but they're up on the roof eating."
I blinked, surprised. "She and Toji have hit it off?"
Asuka looked at me with a sidelong glance. "You weren't kidding about being observant, huh?" she said.
"Well, anybody could see it coming," I shrugged. "It's not like it was being kept in secret. Though they
were at each other's throats a lot of the time." Smirking, I added, "Like a lot of other folks."
Asuka nearly choked on her drink, which caused me to grin and hunker down over my meal. I didn't
press the issue, but I knew it was telling of something I was suspecting.
Two days later, I was summoned again to NERV, to take some tests and learn about some of the
modifications being done to 03. The testing was largely refresher work on emergency ejection and evacuation
procedures, and theoretical redesign of parts of the control systems - mainly related to power control and
consumption - to account for the fact the Eva would supposedly not have a limit to its power reserves.
I did my best to keep my mind off what might happen - which is how I was treating the chance of the
Super Solenoid screwing up and wiping us all out. I was treating it like any other evolution of the Eva project, and
I was hoping that my positive attitude would work in my favor.
The technicians and command officers forbade me from entering the Cage to check out what was
happening with Sangouki. It wasn't that they were being secretive; the excuse I was given, which I pretty much
believed without question, was that the Cage was essentially a construction zone, with parts of the Eva's armor
removed, repositioned, and hanging in various positions; and to tell the truth, I had about as much desire to be
close to the 'naked' S2 organ as any normal person would want to be in proximity to a functioning nuclear
reactor.
I happened across Hikari that evening, as I was visiting the convenience store on my way home. She
was filling a basket with plenty of foodstuffs, picking items seemingly at random to add to the pile.
"There's our lost sheep," I quipped in greeting.
"Oh! Jillian," she responded when she realized who had spoken. She came over to me with a smile.
"How are you doing?"
"Fine," I said with a shrug. "Work is a little nutty right now, but I'll surv.. I'll get through it. How about you?
You've been pretty scarce lately except during class time."
The freckled face before me blushed bright red. "Welllll... I have a secret to tell you.."
"Forgive me, but it's not much of a secret, if it's what I think it is," I smiled. "Does it involve your lunch
partner?"
Hikari smiled weakly. "Asuka's a horrible gossip," she replied.
"Congratulations," I told her. "It's about time you two got together!"
She blushed some more and said, "I'm just making him lunch.."
"Uh-huh. Yup. Suuuuure," I grinned. "That's how it starts, now.. Just you wait." After a second, I added,
"Everyone could see it coming, you know. You two were the perfect match."
"Perfect match?" she queried.
"Oh hell yeah," I laughed. "Oil and water. Opposites attract, miss Horaki. You two belong together."
She giggled at that, and I took the lack of verbal reply as a chance to add another question in.
"Tell me something. Has he been to the principal's office lately? Has he seemed distant or withdrawn
about anything in particular?"
Hikari looked puzzled. "No, not that I know of. Why do you ask?"
"No special reason," I smiled. "Just wondering. I thought there was a pattern among the stooges, that's
all."
"Ohh.. Ikari," she nodded. "I did notice he seemed to be a little.. different."
"How do you mean?" I asked, interested in hearing her take on things.
"He has a greater presence than before," she said after a moment of mulling it over. "Less withdrawn,
more involved in things around him.. he was even grinning and laughing with Toji and Aida the other day when I
was coming to see Toji."
"Really," I said, filing that away for further consideration. "Well, I should be letting you go, by the looks of
your basket. Looks like you have a lot of prep to do tonight."
She looked down and smiled, nodding as she looked back up to me. "I intend to.. how do you put it in
English? 'Knock his socks off'!"
I laughed again. "Ganbatte, Hikari!" I waved as I moved on.
I woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. The dream I'd just been having was etched into my
mind: Rei came to my door, naked, and took me directly to Terminal Dogma, to the area I dubbed the
'Reiquarium' after some fanfics I'd read ages ago. There, along with multiple Rei-like 'vessels', were dozens of
'Jill-like' bodies as well. Rei explained, while I stared on, that the reason she knew that I knew stuff was because
I was 'just like her'.
That was when I woke up.
I sat up and rubbed my temples, as if that would make the dream fade from memory. Getting up, I
plodded the two meters from bedside to sink and poured myself a glass of water, downing it in one quick gulp.
Nothing else in my part of the world was conscious - at least, openly, from the looks of the street and the
lack of lights in the apartment block. It was 3:34 AM, and the temperature was as low as it was going to get - a
'refreshing' 24 degrees C, which was still in the mid-70s F, and a welcome reprieve from the stifling heat of the
day these days - though the weather wasn't the only thing preventing my return to slumber.
You need to get back to sleep. You have to be at the Cage at 8, I told myself.
Unfortunately, reminding myself that I had under four and a half hours to live - possibly - wasn't quite the
incentive my body and mind needed at that moment. Lying back down, I couldn't do much more than stare at the
dark ceiling.
I thought you weren't going to think like that any more.
My mind chased its tail for a while, figuratively speaking, and once my brain was finally exhausted, I
passed out on the sweat-soaked sheets for another hour or two.
Morning came and I got a surprise when I stepped out of the apartment block, an hour ahead of anyone
else, and found Rei Ayanami standing there at the gates.
"Uh.. good morning?" I said.
"Good morning," she replied. After a moment in which I just stared at her, she added, "I am heading to
headquarters as well. I thought it would be appropriate to wait for you."
"Oh! Um, well, thanks, then," I said, forcing a smile and setting off towards the geofront.
"Did you sleep well?" Rei asked.
"Actually, not really," I confessed. "This whole thing has me nervous."
"Why is that?"
I had to pause and consider my answer. "I just don't like the idea of putting untested Angel bits in my
Eva, or anyone's Eva for that matter."
"Strictly speaking, the Super Solenoid was tested by the fourth Angel and functioning properly up to its
removal from the specimen sample," Rei contributed.
"Geh.. well, that's true, I guess, but still.."
"What is the real reason you are so concerned?"
I sighed, and worked the 'real reason' into a sort of a half-truth on the fly. (I was getting good at that.) "I
had a dream, or vision or something, that Eva 04 was being tested at NERV-01 in Nevada, including installing an
S2 organ. The test turned bad when the S 2 went out of control and obliterated everything within an 89 kilometer
radius."
"Why would it do that?" she asked.
"I don't know.. it was a dream, it doesn't have to be rational," I countered. "Something about a Dirac sea
and an inverted AT field."
"If the events leading up to the incident are irrational, so should be worrying about it, should it not?"
It took me a moment to parse that one, and finally, I said, "I know, I know. I just let myself get carried
away with all that could go wrong, and all that's been going on recently. I'm sorry."
"You should not be sorry," Rei stated. "It is in your nature to have doubt."
I was caught off guard by her use of the word 'your' instead of 'our' in that last sentence. I had opened
my mouth to say something, to discuss what she meant by 'your', when she continued on.
"Besides, Unit 04 is not in the United States."
"What?" I said, my train of thought jumping the rails yet again.
"It is here, in Japan," Rei clarified. "At Matsushiro."
"When did that happen?" I asked.
"Last Tuesday," she replied. "Commander Ikari took me with him to oversee accepting the delivery."
I filed away discussing her relationship with Shinji's father for another time. "I wonder why it was moved
here," I mused, hoping she would have an answer.
"Perhaps just common sense given that all but one of the Angel attacks have occurred on Japanese
soil," Rei suggested.
"Oh.. yeah, maybe," I agreed. "Has a pilot been selected?"
"Not to my knowledge," she replied. "I believe they are waiting for the results of today's test first."
See if things catastrophically blow up; if they don't, replicate the process. Sounds like some business
practices at places I used to know. "Gotcha."
We walked in silence the last couple of blocks, and as we rounded the corner to head for the NERV
turnstiles, Rei spoke up again. "Jill? May I ask something?"
"You just did," I quipped, then added, "Sure, go ahead."
"Your 'talk' with Asuka, earlier this week; were you satisfied with the results?"
"Partly," I said after a moment's reflection. "It wasn't the out-and-out epiphany I was hoping for, but at
least she didn't shut me out."
"Is that what is meant by 'any measurable result is success'?"
I didn't know where she got the phrase, but it sounded good. "Yeah, that about fits the bill."
Rei nodded, stopping at the gate to swipe her card. "Then let's hope for any measurable result today."
I chuckled, marveling at Rei's ability to segue. "Good plan, Pilot Ayanami. Thanks for the pep talk."
An hour later, I was inside the entry plug of 03, suited up, breathing LCL, and awaiting the dreaded
moment.
The only sound in my ears was the fans/pumps that circulated the LCL, as the rest of the Eva stood
dormant. Somewhere dozens of feet below me, technicians in SCUBA gear were working on final checks of the
Super Solenoid organ, its placement, the prepped-but-not-yet-hooked-up connections, etc.
All that was left was to throw the proverbial switch, and see if we blew out all the lights in the Hakone
district, or didn't.
Rei, in 00, stood face-to-face with me in the Cage. It was a tight fit; I don't have any clue how they
wrestled Zero in there past my Eva. Her purpose was to observe and possibly control - aka subdue, defeat,
neutralize, terminate - San, if something went out of control.
"Unit 03," Dr. Akagi's voice rang out over the intercom. "The umbilical has been removed. Confirm
batteries are ejected and jettisoned."
"Battery packs dumped, Doctor," I replied. "System shows only life support power available."
"Very good. T minus 180 seconds to S2 system startup."
Three minutes, I said to myself, shutting my eyes. San, even though you're shut down right now, if you
can hear me, please get through this okay.
There was, of course, no response, verbal, sensory, or otherwise. I decided to try to appeal to a higher
authority, for the first time in a long, long time.
I know I don't speak much with you, but I was wondering if I could ask a favor. Would you please see me
through this all right? I promise I'll try to do better in return.
If there was a more pathetic attempt at a prayer to one's God, I don't know where to find it.
In any case, the voiced countdown began momentarily, at T minus 60 seconds. Sixty was voiced, then
45, and then every second from 30 on down was to be announced.
Somewhere in between the 45 and 30 mark, someone said, "Doctor, there's a surge in connections 2210
through 2570. It's threatening the A10 stability."
Oh, shit! I panicked, thinking this was the Angel appearing. Goodbye, mom!
"Jill?" came Ritsuko's voice over the intercom.
"Y-yes?" I replied shakily.
"Calm down," she said forcefully. "You're getting far too agitated - you're almost at the point where you
won't be able to breach absolute barrier."
Fuck. I practiced my 'breathing exercises' - more mental than pulmonary in nature, designed more to let
me calm myself and focus on maintaining sync. It was a procedure that Dr. Akagi and I had developed to help
both myself and any other or future pilots avoid panic in the steps leading up to synchronization.
"That's better," the other voice - I now recognized it as Maya - declared. "A 10 connection now within
tolerances."
"Unit Zero, confirm your status," Akagi demanded.
"Unit Zero online and ready," Rei's soft voice replied.
"Fifteen seconds to S2 start," Maya announced. "Fourteen. Thirteen. Twelve. Eleven."
I closed my eyes and continued the breathing maneuvers, trying to force my hands to not squeeze the
grips so hard. Whatever was going to happen was underway now; there was no turning back.
"S2 team reports connections on schedule," another voice contributed. "Final connection will be made at
zero mark."
"Seven. Six. Five. Four."
Please.. pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease..
"One.. Zero."
There was a buzzing and humming in my senses that wouldn't go away. It wasn't until I felt my teeth
grinding together so hard I was afraid I'd crack them that I realized I was still alive.
I opened my eyes tentatively. To my right, over my shoulder, the power display read 8:88.88, and yet the
'INTERNAL' legend was still lit up.
"Unit 03?" Akagi said for the third time. "Jillian, answer me, please."
"U-unit 03 here," I said, not only stammering, but using the 'U' word I so studiously had avoided so far in
my time as an Eva pilot. "Everything seems to be.. working!"
"The S2 team reports that the organ is being accepted by the Eva," came yet another voice in the
command center. "The splices are being repaired as if healed tissue."
Holy shit, I exulted. We did it!
At that outburst, a sensation of confusion came to me.
Oh, crap, sorry, I thought to Sangouki. Are you all right?
The response was a sense of general well-being and yet awareness of the new addition to the Eva's
body. Also came concern for my ebbing sense of fear.
Don't worry about me, everything's all right now, I said, a broad smile spreading across my face. But I
have a request. You have been given the power to stay active and.. 'conscious', I guess, indefinitely. Please
promise me you will still work with me and not go.. 'berserk'. Don't do anything without me.
I got the strangest feeling I'd received to date from Sangouki at that moment. It was as close to words as
any feedback I'd ever been given. If I had to put it into coherent sentences, it would be something like: 'I am
never going to leave you. I will always be here.'
Dr. Akagi asked for my attention at that point, so I didn't get to explore that response further. The
command center was in hysterics, essentially, considering the success of the startup test. Maya, wearing a
surprised look, called Dr. Akagi over and pointed to something on her terminal.
"Jill, I have some more good news for you," Ritsuko said, looking to the camera feed with a smile.
"What?" I said, puzzled.
"You've just set a personal best sync score, and in fact, though I still have to check the other Children's
most recent scores, I think it might be a group record. Eighty-eight point three percent."
"Wh-what??!" I gaped. My best previous to that had barely breached the 77 percent mark. "You can't be
serious."
"I am," she nodded, still smiling.
"Confirmed," Maya told Ritsuko. "She's now the top scorer by zero point six over Asuka, and one point
nine over Shinji."
"Congratulations, Jill," Dr. Akagi said.
"Congratulations," Maya added.
"Well done, Pilot Thomson," Rei supplied, in her usual monotone.
I stared at the video links in disbelief. I was.. the best? I had outscored everyone, on a day when I was
worried I was going to die, and barely made it to the A10 connection on my first try?
The ramifications wouldn't hit me fully until later, but at that point, the elation of being alive, plus the
gratification of being told I'd done well to boot, flooded over me and kept me on a mental high. I wanted to laugh
and hug somebody; I did the former, but there was a dearth of other people inside my entry plug with which to do
the latter.
Suddenly, I found a sense of warmth and comfort coming to me. I realized after a moment that it was the
Eva's entity, responding to my joyous emotions. Pride joined the other responses fairly swiftly.
Thank you, San, I said. Today is indeed a very good day.
"Hi, neighbor!" Misato greeted me, intercepting me as I stepped off the elevator. "I hear we had some
success today."
"Yeah," I laughed nervously, still unable to believe the whole thing had gone so well. "Thank you."
"Don't thank me yet," she grinned, leading me to her apartment door. "Wait till you see what we've got in
store."
Before I could respond, she slid open the door, and through the apartment I could see out to the
balcony, as usual; out upon the outdoor patio, Shinji was hunched over the little hibachi-style barbecue they had
acquired some time before and rarely used.
"What's this?" I asked.
"A celebration, of course!" Asuka said, coming into the kitchen from the living room. "Congratulations on
not getting blown up!"
I thought maybe I had somehow spilled my fears previously to Asuka, until I realized she was making a
joke. "Uh, yeah," I smiled. "Thanks!"
"Though now that you have an advantage over us, we're going to leave the hard work for you from now
on," she said, smiling evilly and putting her hands on her hips. She cast her voice over her shoulder, back
towards the balcony. "Right, Shinji?"
"Wha? Uh, whatever you say," he called back, still trying to light the briquettes.
It took another minute to realize Asuka meant the S2 organ, not the sync score - I didn't even know if she
was aware of that little tidbit. "Bah, lay it on me, I can take it," I joked.
"Come on in and sit down," Misato said, kicking off her boots and heading inside the apartment proper. I
did as told and followed suit.
"So how was the day elsewhere?" I asked.
Asuka came over and sat diagonally across from me, sliding a bottle of Coke my way as she did so. "Oh,
nothing much exciting happened. The military otaku stooge was away today, and Tooooji was infatuated with his
new plaything, so things were pretty quiet."
"Plaything?" I said, arching an eyebrow. "I have half a mind to tell Hikari you said that."
"Do it and I set Pen2 loose in your closet while you're in the shower," Asuka replied calmly, taking a sip of
her own drink.
I laughed, enjoying the camaraderie of the group. This is how I figured things were supposed to go, as I
saw it; friends and colleagues alike, with no petty squabbles or screwed-up mental states. Just a bunch of
friends having fun.
Shinji finally got the barbecue lit, and surprised me by bringing out a plate of home-made beef patties.
Someone (two guesses who) must have told them that my favorite Western meal involved meat inside a bun,
and they decided to accommodate that. I felt a little intrusive being the guest of honor yet again, but none of
them were accepting any feedback in that regard.
While the food was cooking, I found myself unable to keep quiet any longer. I blurted out, "So, exactly
how much did you hear about my test results today?"
Misato looked to Asuka, who I'd directed the question to. Asuka simply replied, "What do you mean?"
I bit my lip, wondering if I should even bring it up. I couldn't help myself, and despite the regret I knew I'd
have, began to say, "Dr. Akagi told me that my synchronization score was--"
"So! What exactly happened with the S2 thing?" Asuka interrupted me, with a clearly forced smile.
I frowned, feeling defeated. "Asuka.."
"I want to know everything," she went on. "Seeing's how I'm likely next to get one. Right?"
I relented, and described the light buzzing sensation that had entered the back of my mind, as if it were
some odd harmonic from the 'engine' invading the synchronization pattern. I told them of the higher level of
energy, as it were, I felt from the Eva, but stopped short of describing the actual contact with the entity within.
What the hell, I then found myself saying. Screw it.
"You ever get a feeling that something's in your Eva, watching you?" I said, playing my cards close to my
chest to start.
Misato stopped drinking her beer and darted her eyes over to Asuka to watch the response.
Asuka shrugged. "A little, sometimes," she acknowledged. "You, too, I gather?"
"Yes," I nodded. "Like a presence that surrounds me and.. well, sort of talks to me."
Asuka scoffed. "A tool shouldn't have a voice," she replied. "My father's car talks to him. It's irritating."
"Your father's car doesn't have a soul," Misato contributed.
Asuka turned to stare at Misato at that point, who was finishing off the can of beer. "What do you mean?"
"All the Evas have souls in them," Misato said in a serious tone. "That is what you sync with."
"How long have you known this?" I asked, curious if Misato too knew far more than she let on.
"It just became obvious to me not long ago," she explained. "That's beside the point, though. If you learn
to co-exist with your Evas, you will find the results quite rewarding."
Asuka snorted derisively again. "I need no help to excel," she declared. "Not from people or machines."
Misato said nothing more, and I wished I'd never opened my mouth in the first place. Shinji came in with
the cooked hamburgers, and stared bewilderedly at the table full of sullen faces.
Two weeks passed during which I was out of school more often than not, tasked to testing 03 in all kinds
of situations and environments, including in vacuum and undersea. It appeared that the Super Solenoid organ
was accepted by the Evangelion quite comfortably, and the tests proved that 03 was nigh-unstoppable now; I
tired out physically long before the biomech even broke a proverbial sweat.
My sync scores remained in the mid-to-high-80s, and to my dismay, Asuka refused to discuss either my
or her scores - the latter of which dropped a handful of points in response to my surge. I feared I was going to
have to confront her at some point when there was no way for her to run away, or change the subject, but finding
such a situation was indescribably difficult.
One of the exercises dealt to me during the longevity tests was to walk the Eva to Matsushiro and back.
While at Matsushiro, the technicians there plugged in and did some telemetry downloads just for their own
educational purposes. While the Eva was at a standstill, I was face to face with Evangelion 04.
Much as I expected, the fifth Eva, third production type, was a near-clone of my own, though its primary
color was silver instead of dark blue. It made sense that production models would be similar in design and
stature.
The biomech was completely dormant, stood up on its feet but unpowered and still, all the time I was
docked at Matsushiro. The one thing that resonated in my mind all that time was that the delivery and testing of
04 meant there had to be a Fifth Child soon to be 'discovered'. I couldn't help but wonder who it would be, and
what their fate would become.
I finally caught up with Asuka one day after having returned to school. Shinji had been sidetracked by
Kensuke for something, and so Asuka and I walked home together, with no one else alongside us.
"Asuka, I need to talk with you," I declared as we waited for the elevator on the ground floor of the
apartments.
She didn't say anything for a moment; then, as the doors parted, bit out, "You have 12 stories to say it,"
and stepped inside.
I hurried into the lift car as well, and barely made it inside before the doors shut and the machine began
its ascent. "Why are you so upset?" I said bluntly. "It's just a sco--"
"It is not," Asuka cut me off, fire in her eyes as she stared me down. "It's a measure of my skill and
prowess! And you have no business marching in and taking my rightful spot."
I had intended to keep things civil; honestly, I did. Instead, I threw my arms wide. "What the fuck do you
want me to do, do a worse job syncing up?!"
Even as the words left my lips, I knew they were wrong. Asuka steamed on them for a moment, then
said slowly and evenly, "No. I don't want you to do a worse job. But where does it say that I have to suffer when
you improve?"
"I don't know!" I shot back. "I never asked to surpass you! Don't make this my fault."
"Then whose fault is it?!"
"Well, who's the one whose score is slipping, huh??!"
The words echoed like a gunshot in the confines of the lift, and wounded just as much. Asuka stared at
me red-faced for a long moment, hand quivering as if she couldn't decide whether or not to strike me. Her chin
was tilted up ever-so-slightly, giving her a contemptuous lean to her glaring expression.
The elevator interrupted the scene and dinged the doors open on the twelfth floor. Asuka stood there for
a heartbeat longer, then turned, lowering her head and uttering a few words in a low growl:
"Go fuck yourself, Fourth Child."
She stomped off toward her apartment, and I stood there watching her go, unwilling to call out to her
because I had no idea what I could say that would help. Thirty angry paces later, she slammed the door marked
Katsuragi closed behind her.
I numbly made my way to my own apartment and stumbled inside, shedding my book bag and other
such stuff at the doorway. Throwing myself face-first on my bed, I did something I hadn't done in decades.
I cried, a huge, bawling cry, all but shrieking into the pillows piled at the head of the bed. My wailing was
being muffled by the bedclothes, but to me it sounded like the entire world could hear it.
What I didn't know is that I couldn't even be heard in the next suite over, where the lone occupant had
retreated into the bathroom and huddled herself down in a fetal position, back to the door, much less emotional
than I was, but sobbing openly nonetheless.
"Jill? What's the matter? ...Can she hear me?"
I jerked back out of my sullen, indrawn state, focusing on the screens inside the entry plug. It was the
next day, and testing of the Super Solenoid continued. I'd been distracted, thinking of Asuka, when Dr. Akagi
tried to get my attention.
"Sorry," I mumbled an apology. "I was thinking of something else."
"I know this seems like a rehash of old tests and experiments, Jillian, but we need to know exactly how
the Eva reacts with the S2 on board, before we can deploy them to the other Evas. Please bear with us."
"Right," I said quietly, keeping my attention on the task at hand again.
I was a tumult of emotion at that point; overjoyed that I'd made it through the S 2 incident alive, but in the
process, had alienated myself from the one person I considered a close friend in all this. To make matters worse,
unless something major happened that I couldn't foresee, there could be no apology, and there would be no
mending of fences. I couldn't atone for something that was beyond my control. Asuka was being irrational. There
was nothing I could do about it. She'd come to her senses eventually.
..That, or she'd spiral into a deep depression and be found in a bombed-out house having tried to end
herself in a bathtub..
"Jillian."
Shit. I blinked and gripped the controls tighter, trying to sound like I was alert and attentive. "Yes,
Doctor?"
"Should we postpone this afternoon's testing, perhaps?"
"N-no, Doctor. I'm good now, I promise."
"All right, then. Prepare for moving to the launch platform."
I confirmed that San was locked against the rails at her back, held firmly upright, and waited for the
lurching movement to begin. When it did, I caught a glimpse through the gaps in the Cage bulkheads of another
Eva being prepped.
"Doctor.. is there an alert?" I asked.
"Negative, Pilot," she responded. "Just sit tight and we'll explain once you're topside."
It was a sunny day in Tokyo-3, contrasting my disposition almost mockingly. The launch path I'd been
assigned put me well out of the urban part of the city itself, into the unpopulated area between it and Ashinoko.
I didn't have to wait long for my partner. Zerogouki slid into view a half-kilometer away and disengaged
from its rails, standing tall and still in the light breeze.
"Can you both hear me?" Akagi called out.
"Yes," Rei said.
"I'm here," I replied.
"All right. Rei, you are to be the antagonist for this test. Your goal is to be as challenging as possible to
Jill. Jill, you are the defender. The purpose is to ensure that the S2 will withstand the stress of prolonged physical
exertion, and/or hand-to-hand combat. Keep fighting Unit 00 as long as you can. No weapons are allowed, and
no damage is to be done.. just treat it like a wrestling match. All right?"
"Understood," answered Rei.
"Got it," I said. The wrestling match - real wrestling, not 'sports entertainment' - was a good analogy in
my mind. And this was finally a test with a point, instead of random walking and other motions.
"Begin when you're ready. Oh, one more thing - stay 1500 meters away from the city at all times."
That made sense; it'd be hard to explain to someone why their apartment block was smashed to bits
during a testing run. Rei started walking toward me, and I spread my stance for better stability, raised my hands
to a grappling position, and waited for her.
She closed the gap in no time, and without any pithy one-liners or pointless talking, took up 03's
challenge and locked hands together with her. I instantly felt the strain as Zero began applying pressure and
trying to take me down to my knees.
No way. I pushed back, and evened out the battle for a moment. After a few seconds, the muscles in my
legs began to burn, as Rei was clearly pushing against me and the ground, looking for leverage anywhere.
I fought back, feet slipping in the gravel beneath me at one point, but regaining traction fast. A quick
lunge gave me the upper hand for a second - long enough to break one hand free of Rei's grip and grab Zero's
wrist. My goal was to get both of Zero's hands behind the back and try to pin them - a skilled pugilist I'm not and try to get Rei to submit from that position.
The one wrist was all I had for the moment, though. Rei had one thing going for her - a fierce
perseverance - and given the nature of the Eva, that was all that she needed. We were completely deadlocked.
Come on, I chided myself. If you can't gain the high ground against one Eva, how are you going to fare
against the MPs?
That was an interesting thought, I decided, considering that I had no idea if I would make it that far, or if
the mass-production Evas would be sent to deal with us. At that point in time, though, it was a valid point.
You're thinking of this in too complete of terms, I realized. My brain wanted to find a way to take Rei out
and gain a pin right away. All I really had to do was break her hold, and let the battle begin anew.
I had been avoiding doing any kind of attack with my - sorry, the Eva's - legs, because I was concerned I
would fall down as a result, and be unable to maintain the upper hand, so to speak. Now I remembered that the
point was not to score a quick win, but to last in a lengthy battle.
Lifting up my leg, I did a sweep at Zero's, at the same time pushing against her with all my might. The
result was as expected: Rei tumbled to the side on which I'd taken out the leg. The impact caused her to lose her
grip on my other hand, and while I was on the ground with her, it did allow me to start the fight over again - as
was the intended result.
Flipping Zero over, I transferred the grip on her wrist from my left to my right hand, and tried to grab for
the other arm. I was able to do that, and with a knee in the 'small' of Zero's back, had the Eva face down in the
dirt.
"I'm immobilized," Rei declared over the comm link.
"All right! Break it off, Unit 03," Akagi said, and I relented, releasing Rei, standing up, and offering the
Eva's hand as Rei turned her Eva back over. "And when you're both ready, let's begin again."
The afternoon continued on in the same way. I made a bunch of pins, and Rei won a number of times as
well. My performance was just as strong with the S 2 as Rei's with the umbilical was. I got the feeling that Ritsuko
was overjoyed at the results.
On the next day, more longevity tests were scheduled, but Rei wasn't the one who was suited up and
ready for me that morning. In her place, I found Asuka in the locker room.
I didn't know what to say to her, or if it would just cause an emotional explosion - from either side - so,
while Asuka stood in her plugsuit, leaning against the lockers, arms folded in front of her, I silently went to my
locker and began to change.
Almost two whole minutes later, after I'd rid myself of my street clothes and wrestled my way into my
plugsuit, Asuka spoke up.
"Good morning to you too," she said sourly.
"Good morning," I murmured apologetically. "How are you?"
"Just peachy," Asuka retorted. "After all, I get to support the highest-scoring pilot today, and help her
improve even further."
I sighed and dropped my chin to my chest. "Asuka.."
"It's fine, really," she said, her words being betrayed by the tone they carried. "You should be happy. I
should be happy. It's a significant thing to be known as the best. I should know."
I sealed the plugsuit and got up, turning to face Asuka. "What makes you think I consciously did this to
hurt you?" I said to her. "Of all the people I know here, you I've known the longest, and care about the most. Why
would I do anything that might cause you grief?"
Oddly enough, she let me get all that out, instead of cutting me off with an upset comment, or worse, a
slap. Studying me for a moment, eyes darting back and forth across my face, she finally said, "Shut up and let's
settle this out there."
I followed the raised, red-suited arm, finger pointing towards the location of the Cages. She was calling
me out. Asking me to 'take this outside'.
I sighed again. "Suit yourself, Asuka," I said tiredly. "If it's that important to you."
She snapped some kind of remark about how she'd want to come up with a new name for Ayanami, as I
might be granted the moniker of Miss Perfect. I was kind of phasing it out of my mind, because I was trying to
decide if it was possible to consciously lower my sync ratio just a fraction or two, enough to allow Asuka to
surpass me - which, if she concentrated as hard as her mood implied she would, was a possibility.
The two Evas were launched into the same general area that Rei and I had fought the day before. Asuka
squared off against me from a distance away, saying nothing, listening to Misato's commands.
I wanted to ask where Ritsuko was, but I feared it would be seen by Asuka as favoritism, as if I was on a
first-name basis with the boss. (Never mind the fact that she lived under the same roof as our other boss, and
that Misato most likely had a lot to do with the fact that Asuka was here; perhaps Asuka had told her what had
transpired between us.)
Asuka leapt aggressively into the fray as soon as Misato gave the permission to begin. I steeled myself
to catch her, but was still thrown a little by the force of the impact. Asuka was fighting like her life was on the line,
drawing many parallels in my mind to how I figured her fight with the Mass Production units would go. She
wasn't doing any serious damage, but San and I would definitely have some significant bruises by day's end.
I honestly didn't even begin to consider 'pulling my punches' so early in things, so to speak, but Asuka
won the first two pins, grinding me excessively into the ground after the first one, and not helping me up either
time. I didn't dare ask how our sync ratios were holding up, but I sure was curious.
Misato was about to let us begin a third bout when someone distracted her with a comment. "What?" she
said to them, off screen, her expression going pale. The identity of who she was conversing with was left without
doubt by her response: "Yes, sir, at once."
She turned back to face us, or at least, the camera sending her picture our way. "Units 02 and 03, you
are both going into battle. The test is canceled. The thirteenth Angel has arrived."
"What? Where?" Asuka asked energetically, as if her beef with me was forgotten.
"Matsushiro," Misato said flatly, then turning to the techs with her to add, "Summon Shinji and Rei and
prepare the other Evas for launch."
As the techs acknowledged her, it dawned on me that Maya Ibuki was not there. That was probably
where Ritsuko and Maya had gone.. to Matsushiro, for the activation test on 04. We were going to fight another
Eva, quite possibly with another pilot.
I have to get there before Shinji does, I decided.
"Asuka!" I called out. I chose my words carefully before saying anything more. "Let's get moving. Lead
the way, okay?"
It wasn't what I'd hoped I could say, but it would do, judging by Asuka's response. "Right!" came her
eager response. "Follow me, Fourth!"
She dumped her umbilical cable and marched off toward the secondary test site. I turned that way and
headed out as well, and decided to ask Misato a question.
"Major," I said. "Is there a test going on today in Matsushiro? Is this related to.."
Misato nodded as I trailed off. "Just do what you have to, Pilot," she said flatly.
"Understood," I nodded.
"What? What are you saying?" Asuka cut in.
"There was a malfunction with the activation test of Unit 04," Misato declared. "It has been abandoned
and re-classified as the thirteenth Angel. It is to be destroyed."
"Mein Gott," Asuka breathed.
Abandoned, I repeated in my head. They weren't likely to be using that word in the same meaning as I
hoped. To me, abandoned meant the ejected entry plug was lying in a field outside Matsushiro, the LCL drained
and the pilot standing outside it waiting for a helicopter to pick him (or her) up. To Ikari, it probably meant that
they were going to write off 04 - Eva, pilot, and all - and wanted the whole thing incinerated.
"Unit 00 and Unit 01 will be almost fifteen minutes behind you. I need to count on you two to at least hold
the Angel until they arrive. Understood?" Misato asked.
"Got it," I responded.
"I'll take care of things!" Asuka replied.
"Unit 02, you will find a power coupling at grid ref 1422-A-5," Misato added. "And I hope both of you have
your little squabble out of your systems. There's no time for that now."
I waited to hear what Asuka had to say, but all she responded with was, "1422-A-5, roger!"
"Eva 03 acknowledges, Major," I declared, following Asuka up the valley.
Asuka was within her last minute of power reserves by the time we got to grid 1422. We'd remained
silent for the short walk (short by Eva standards, of course; several dozen miles in actuality), but I found the
power coupling first, and spoke up and waved Asuka over. "Here it is!"
"Good," Asuka said, lumbering over my way. I picked up the plug end and held it out. "I'll hook you up, if
you want."
"I can do it mys--" Asuka began as she closed the last few Eva-steps' distance, then she started over.
"All right, Unit 03, fine."
Asuka turned around and I pushed the connector home against the jack on the lower back of the Eva
unit. "How's that?" I asked.
"Volle energie," Asuka replied. "Let's get moving!"
"Unit 02, take the lead. Unit 03, prepare to back her up," Misato said.
"Of course!" Asuka responded, as if it was absurd to consider any other option. I was thinking Misato's
reasoning was more along the lines of Asuka being tethered to her power source, but I could chase the Angel all
over the countryside if need be.
Or perhaps it had something to do with letting Asuka prove her superiority and raise her sync level.
Stop thinking about that, I demanded of myself, squeezing my eyes shut and shaking my head back and
forth. Let that stupid issue die already.
"Angel should be coming into range now," Misato called out. "Shinji and Rei are eight minutes behind
you."
"They can come pick up the pieces," Asuka grinned, orienting her Eva towards the projected path of the
Eva-turned-Angel. For a moment, we both stood in silence, watching the horizon.
"There it is!" Asuka said, as a glint of sunlight flared across our screens. "Ach! It's bright.."
As I'd figured, even the dull silver sheen on 04's armor was quite reflective when given the day star to
mirror. The creature in the distance almost looked like it was glowing.
"Be careful, Asuka," I said warily.
"Don't worry, miss number-one team leader," Asuka sneered back. "I'll do fine."
We charged on ahead, Gendo Ikari in our ears reminding us that the target was to no longer be
considered an Eva. My query of whether or not the pilot had been recovered was met with an irritated reiteration
of the same reminder.
I was going to try to appeal to Asuka's humanity and see if she would listen to reason, when I realized
she was already preparing to grapple with the beast. Somehow, 04 had covered the distance at least twice as
fast as both of us, without alerting us to that fact.
The Second Child threw down with fervor, standing toe-to-toe with the possessed Eva and throwing
punch after punch. Unlike the 'original' battle, the one that happened with 03 in the fictional version of events,
Nigouki wasn't defeated with one blow, and Asuka was able to hold her own. I mainly stood on the sidelines,
circling to keep 04 in my sights and preparing to dive in if Asuka needed help.
If she'd stoop to asking for it, that is.
"Scheiße!" she cursed at one point. "Fourth, you're right - there's still an entry plug in this thing!"
"Control! Eject it!" I called out.
"We tried," Misato said. "So did Matsushiro. You're going to have to work around it!"
"We're coming," Shinji declared. "We're four minutes out!"
Fuck, I thought to myself. Come on, Asuka, get this dealt with before Shinji gets here.
Asuka wasn't exactly lazing around, of course; like her earlier play-fight with me, her brawl with the
thirteenth Angel rivaled all the footage I'd seen of her fictional fight with the MPs. She was kicking serious ass,
but the only problem was, the Angel had no intentions of going down; it took all the punishment that would have
laid out a human opponent, and then some.
"Asuka, let me help!" I pleaded.
"Whatever," she said through gritted teeth, trying to wrestle 04 to the ground. "Get in here!"
I dove into the fray and tried to take the Eva's head and neck in a sleeper hold, of sorts, from behind. I
was able to make the hold, but would an Eva - much less one possessed by an Angel - succumb to such a
maneuver?
Asuka released her grip on the Angel's arms and repositioned, grabbing it in the midsection with clear
intent to bodyslam the beast into the ground. I let go just in time to have 04 and 02 fly past me, hitting the earth
with a bladder-loosening thud. Seeing no better option, I jumped on top of the two and drove an elbow into the
neck of the Eva, trying to choke it into submission.
At that point, the Eva - sorry, the Angel - began to reach into its bag of tricks, and started with the arms.
Defying physical limitations, 04's arms went rubbery and stretchable, reaching around Asuka to first bear-hug
her, then grab her Eva and bodily fling her across the countryside.
I did what I could to remain atop the writhing biomech, calling out to find out if Asuka was all right.
"I'm fine!" she yelled. "Hold that bastard down so I can come stomp on its head!"
I was holding on to the Eva as tightly as I could, but then it threw its second curve ball, and I hate to
admit it, but I fell for it. The Angel began spreading from 04 to 03, threatening to infect San and take her over. I
first recognized this when a shock of fear ran through the Eva, and then it physically manifested as large,
veinous growths spreading up my own flesh-and-blood arms from the control grips.
I shrieked and threw myself backwards, away from the Angel. Once I was clear, I had to yank my hands
away from the controls and wring them together, running each over the other to prove the manifestation had
disappeared when contact with the Angel was lost.
"Dammit, Fourth!" Asuka hollered. Suddenly, a blue-and-white blur zipped past me.
Zerogouki threw herself on the Eva-turned-Angel like an American football tackle, a none-too-melodious
crash of metallic sounds rising up. Shinji, in Shogouki, arrived on the scene seconds later.
"Th-thanks, Rei!" I called out. Momentarily, Nigouki rose up from the adjacent valley she'd been tossed
into.
"Hold it there, Unit Zero!" Asuka called out.
"Trying," Rei said, with a strained voice. It was clear that she was fighting for all she was worth, and the
Angel was trying the same thing with her that it had with me.
"Get clear if it's threatening you!" I told her.
"I cannot," she struggled to say. "I will not let it harm anyone else.."
"The Angel is contaminating Unit 00's right arm!" one of the backup techs in HQ declared. The reply
wasn't audible, but I could imagine what it said from the stunned response: "But.. the pilot.. her nerve
connections are still active.."
"Rei! Get out of there!" I shouted, seconds too late; some kind of explosive charge blew 00's right arm
completely off, armor and all, right at the shoulder. Rei's cry of agony pierced the comm channel like the sound
of a million breaking glasses, and she rolled off the Angel to lie writhing in pain.
Then Gendo was on the comm channel, demanding that Shinji get in there and fight the Angel. Shinji
was, of course, balking, having already spotted the entry plug half-ejected from the spinal column of 04.
Asuka closed in on the other side of the Angel, which had now stood on its feet, and was facing Shinji,
with Asuka and I flanking it on either side, Rei virtually at my feet. Asuka said, "Let's take this thing down all at
once!"
Ignoring us, the Angel rushed Shogouki and began wringing her neck, giving rise to choking sounds from
Shinji within the entry plug. He managed to get 01's hands up onto the Angel's biceps, but it was like the
scrawny guy from the old comic book ads, trying to deal with the big bully on the beach.
"Shinji! You have to fight!" I told him. "Asuka and I will back you up and try to rescue the plug!"
If Asuka agreed with the plan, she didn't verbalize it; instead, she made a diving tackle at the waist of the
Angel, trying to take its legs out from under it. She succeeded in knocking it and 01 over, but the two - Shinji and
the Angel - kept their death grips on one another.
"Rei - get to safety," I said, having ducked to let Asuka et al pass over me.
"Don't worry about me," she grunted, getting the Eva to its knees and then pushing it upright with the one
remaining arm.
I turned and went to join the fray once more, helping Asuka distract enough of the Angel's attention to let
Shinji have a fighting chance. Asuka, to my disbelief, managed to snap one of the Angel's thigh bones - which, if
it followed human physique, was the strongest bone in the entire body - but it barely slowed the Angel down. I
wouldn't have been surprised if it would have swiftly healed it, given the chance.
I pulled out my prog knife and started pounding away at the armor surrounding the spine. Of course, the
Evas had been constructed to withstand their own weapons, to an extent, to avoid 'mistakes' causing costly
damage. So, my prog knife attack ended up being largely ineffective.
All this time, Shinji and Gendo had been arguing, while Shinji was deadlocked with 04. Suddenly, Shinji's
comms changed their tone; he no longer sounded like he was in the struggle of his life. Moreover, he sounded
puzzled and worried.
Oh, shit, I realized. The dummy plug's active.
Even if I had thought Asuka would heed my warning to fall back, I didn't have time to give it; both of us
were thrown off 04 as 01, now on 'autopilot', picked up the Angel and flung it, much as it had done with Asuka
earlier.
I got up and hurried after Shogouki, who was charging after the Angel, making a flying leap to come
down hard on the possessed Eva. Armor was torn off and cast aside, bones were broken, and soon enough,
flesh was rent from bone, drenching the countryside and all the rest of us in hundreds of gallons of blood.
Shinji screamed in terror all the while, and Asuka, for a moment, stood there in shock. As 01 ripped 04
limb from limb, I knew the battle was over, but perhaps something could still be done about the final outcome.
"Asuka," I said, hoping she was done with her crankiness with me. "I'll take out 01. You go and salvage
the entry plug from 04. Okay?"
"Right," she agreed. Clearly she'd come to accept that there was another person like us trapped inside
04, and deserved to be rescued, even if seriously physically injured in the process.
On the count of two (I never, ever went on three - going on two catches people off guard and beats the
stereotype), I lunged for Shogouki and knocked her clear of the remnants of 04's torso. Asuka dove towards the
former Eva and flipped it over, trying to find a way to extract the entry plug.
"Jill! Stop it! What are you doing?" Shinji cried, his voice full of terror. "My father.. he's done something! I
can't control this bloody thing!"
"Ikari!" I hollered, my words directed to the senior of the two, not the one with whose Eva I was currently
grappling. "It's over! The Angel is defeated!"
I was straining under the incredible strength of Eva 01, its power no longer restricted by the sync rate of
its pilot. I was worried I wouldn't be able to last much longer. Shinji was still pleading with his father over the
comm channel, hollering and sobbing, and Asuka was shouting something too.
"--Eva 04--mean, --teenth Angel-- is inert," I managed to hear her say.
"Hear that?!" I belted out, trying to be heard over the din. "It's done! End this now, or I will engage Mode
D! I mean it!!"
The struggle continued for another quarter of a minute or so, and then finally, the resistance suddenly
dissipated. Eva 01 had been shut down.
I waited for the LCL around me to increase pressure and all but incapacitate me, but that never came. I
gingerly released 01, thankfully leaving it in a position in which it could balance on its own, and turned to find 02
kneeling beside the shredded torso of 04, cradling a long, thin white cylinder.
The hatch on the entry plug was open, and the LCL was spilling out like a waterfall. I zoomed in to see if
I could catch a glimpse of the pilot inside the capsule, berating myself for not having asked Asuka if Toji or Hikari
were at school the past few days.
Finally, as the light balance stabilized and the cameras focused, I could see a definite outline of an
unconscious form. A fairly nondescript, but male form.
A male form with a mop of short, greyish-silver hair.
"Unit 03 has confirmed," a tech evidently monitoring my video feed declared. "Fifth Child is alive."
Chapter Seventeen: Fifth Child
After disembarking from the Eva back at headquarters, I ran. I didn't know where I was running or why, I
just bolted and moved as fast as I could and as far as I could. I didn't want to be anywhere I could be reached. I
didn't want to be anywhere at all. In the space of a few days, I'd had a falling out with my best friend, defied my
boss and threatened to destroy his property, and saved the life of what might have been the final Angel. I just
couldn't cope with myself.
In my distressed state, somehow I ultimately ended up in the hospital ward. I first encountered Dr. Akagi,
leaving the cast clinic with her arm slung and bandaged.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"I'll be fine," she said. "We were luckily out of the path of the runaway."
"The Angel, you mean," I replied flatly.
"Yes.. true," came the response, as Akagi looked across the hall towards the windows, light filling the
Geofront. "What about you - are you all right? I hear you all took some serious blows from that thing."
"I came out of it all right," I shrugged. "I think Asuka did too. It's Rei that got hurt.. no thanks to Shinji's
father. Speaking of which.. I'm surprised I haven't been apprehended and delivered to him yet."
"Well, unless whatever you did is a major problem, I think it'll be overlooked for the time being.
Commander Ikari has more pressing problems."
"Oh," I said.
"Such as his son barricading himself in his Eva and threatening to use it against the entirety of
headquarters."
"What? When? Where is he?"
"He's in Cage 5, inside his Eva. As I understand it, they're trying to force eject the plug now. Shinji's in a
good deal of trouble."
"Shit," I mumbled.
"If you want, you can probably visit your other friends. They're in wing 3A. Rei is getting her arm tended
to. I have to go attend to other things."
"Uh, thanks," I said. By the way.. did you know your latest Child isn't what he claims to be?
Ritsuko started to go, but turned back and said, "Jill? Today was rough. Good job on getting through it."
I nodded and thanked her, watching her go.
I did manage to muster up the courage to face Asuka, meeting her and Rei in the hallway of the medical
ward. The latter was sitting on a bench, examining a wrap on her right arm from shoulder to elbow. Asuka stood
leaning against the wall nearby, staring out the hallway windows, pensively. Her glance darted my way when the
partition doors opened, then focused on the landscape of the Geofront once more.
"Hi," I managed feebly towards the two of them. I directed to Rei, "Are you all right?"
She nodded. "I sustained a severe bruise," she explained. "It will heal."
"Good. Sorry you got hurt," I said, unsure what else to tell her. She looked at me for a second, then
glanced Asuka's way with just her eyes, as if to prompt me.
"Asuka.." I began, trailing off and waiting for a response.
"Yeah?" she finally said, not turning her head at all, still looking straight ahead.
"We worked well together today. Thanks for your help."
"Right," she replied distantly.
"That was pretty tough," I offered to either of them, whichever cared to hear it. "An Eva as an Angel.. it's
almost obscene."
"I can understand why Shinji hesitated," Rei said, prompting a snort from Asuka and both of us to look
her way.
"Don't get me wrong," Asuka began, folding her arms before her and shutting her eyes, face tilted to the
floor. "I know what you mean, but stupid Shinji brought all of this on himself. We managed to save the entry plug
after all, didn't we? So he could have fought like he was ordered to, and the outcome would have been just the
same. It just proves he doesn't have what it takes to be an Eva pilot."
I sighed and decided not to reply at all. Asuka took this as a cue to continue with her mini-rant. "I wonder
who this Fifth Child is, anyway. They didn't bother telling us about him before now, of course.."
"My best guess," I said, feeling as if I had to say something, "is that he's been provided directly by
Command as a package deal with the Eva, since he didn't come from.. around here." Shit. You almost said 'our
class'. Get it together, kid.
"And just how do you figure that?" Asuka shot back, rolling her eyes. Before anyone could answer her,
the partition doors opened and a Section Two officer with an MP5 in his hands strode swiftly into the hallway.
"Clear the corridor," he demanded, gesturing with the gun towards the far end of the hallway, to the other
set of doors. "Now."
No one, not even Asuka, bothered to challenge him, based mainly on his stance and the pointing device
he was using. Rei got up and was first to reach the doors, holding them open so Asuka and I could pass through.
The soldier seemed content with that, walking halfway down the hall to the entrance to the intensive care wing,
where Rei had just been treated less than an hour before.
The first guard remained standing at the door, while another came through the first set of doors, followed
by two medical caregivers pulling a hospital bed. In it, unconscious, his face covered with an oxygen mask and
IV tubing running under his blankets, presumably to his arms, Shinji Ikari was wheeled past. Two more guards
took up the rear, one following the bed in while the other joined the very first one to stand guard at the entrance
to ICU.
The three of us stood in silence for a few moments after that, having peered through the doors' windows
to see what was going on. Finally, Rei said, "He appeared to not be injured. That much is good news."
"Wait till daddy gets hold of him," Asuka said, almost mockingly.
"That's not fair," I pointed out. "In my opinion, 'daddy' was half the problem."
Rei stayed silent, but I could see her staring at me out of the corner of my eye. Asuka responded to me
with, "How do you figure that?"
"He didn't have to go so hard on Shinji," I said. "Anyone would have hesitated when put up against
another Evangelion."
"I wouldn't," Asuka said promptly.
I blinked in surprise. "You're saying you would have no problems fighting another Eva?"
"Not at all," came the reply.
"If my Eva became infected with an Angel while I was in it," I asked, for clarification, "you would tear me..
that is, my Eva.. limb from limb, without a second thought?"
Asuka glared at me, and I, having apparently taken my stupid pills that morning, carried on. "Or, better
yet, if it was your Eva that was infected, that's what you'd want us to do to you?"
Asuka's response was to force out an aggravated sigh and stomp away angrily. I realized, too late of
course, that this was my cue to knock it off.
"I'm going home," I declared tiredly. "I'll see you later."
Asuka was in no mood to respond, and Rei, typically, said nothing either, so it was in silence that we
parted ways for the day. I was able to travel through the other corridor again, getting glances from the two
guards stationed outside the doors to ICU, but not being accosted in any other way. From there, I went to the
change room to get rid of my plugsuit, and then started off towards home.
I half-expected to encounter Kaworu Nagisa at some time during my trek to the apartment block. I
couldn't put my finger on it, but something didn't sit well within me at all about his appearance so early - in
comparison to how it happened in the fictional version, of course. To boot, there was the fact that he'd appeared
to me in the dream world I experienced after dying as Jack and being reborn as Jillian.
I had to wonder if I was reading too much into that, though. What if it was just a dream my comatose
mind conjured up, and I subconsciously filled in the blanks with Kaworu after the fact, after I got entrenched in
this world where Evangelions existed?
I was too tired to dwell any further on it, having been up for far too long. I trudged my way home and all
but fell into bed, barely pausing to change into nightclothes. The crisis for today had already passed; anything
else could wait for tomorrow.
The night was peaceful, at least physically, if not in my dreams anyway. The next day was a school day,
so I got myself ready and started out into the hallway. Behind me, as I headed for the elevator, I heard a door
open and close, and a hollered "I'm leaving!" in between, in Japanese.
Glancing over my shoulder when I reached the elevator, I saw that Asuka was coming my way. I had to
wait for the elevator, so we were going to meet up. I just didn't know what to do once she arrived.
"Well!" Asuka said as she got to the elevator doors to wait with me. "It'll be good to get back to routine
today, nein?"
I was a little stunned by the bright and cheery greeting, so I didn't answer her for a second or two. "Uh,
yeah," was my ever-so-eloquent response when I finally found my voice.
Asuka shook her head a little, causing her hair to flip back and forth. "Shinji won't be in school, of course,
so I have to pick up all his paperwork." She said that with a tone that implied it was a menial task beneath her
doing.
The elevator arrived, and we both stepped aboard. I pushed the button for the ground floor while Asuka
leaned against the back wall and kept on talking. "By the way, good job yesterday. It wasn't pretty, but we got the
job done, right?"
I turned to face her. "You're.. okay with that? How it turned out?"
She quirked an eyebrow, looking at me oddly. "How do you mean? If you're talking about destroying the
Eva, it was downright ugly. I don't ever wanna see that again. At least the pilot survived."
"Uh, yeah," I unwittingly repeated. "But what about.. us?" I winced at how selfish my statement sounded.
"Ohh, us," Asuka smirked. "Ja, we're fine, Fourth. I guess you didn't hear that we're now tied."
"Tied?" I said, blinking in surprise.
"Yeah!" she said. "Eighty-eight point six, both of us."
"Wow," I understated. "Um.. congratulations?"
"Danke, Fourth," Asuka replied. "Anyway, yeah, we're okay."
"All right, then; thanks," I told her. "Maybe in the future, if there's anything either of us need to talk about,
we can ask one another--"
"Sure," she said, as the doors opened. "But for now, let's drop it. Okay?"
"All right," I agreed, following her out onto the street.
Homeroom began without incident, although people asked where Shinji was. We - meaning Rei, Asuka,
and I - were able to give some minor details, that we'd been on a mission and he'd been injured a little. The truth
was, of course, that the injuries weren't severe enough to require hospitalization, but that he'd been rendered
unconscious by the LCL pressuring that his father had ordered. Whether Shinji would be back to school or not
was something I couldn't say, because if things went as they were 'supposed' to, he'd be quitting NERV and
running away as soon as he was awake.
Toji was present in class, of course, as was Hikari; and they had no reason to not be. There had been no
life-threatening injury to the class jock, and thus no need for a hospital visit by the class president. Nothing had
happened. Well, that last bit wasn't necessarily true; I'm sure I caught some personal moments of, shall we say,
higher levels of friendship between the two, when they thought no one was looking.
"Everyone, attention, please," the teacher was suddenly saying, and Hikari tore her own attention away
from Suzuhara and shot to her feet, hollering for everyone to stand and take notice. By reflex - after a full season
of doing it already - I stood and faced the front.
"Thank you," the elderly instructor acknowledged us. "We have a new student transferring in today.
Everyone please welcome Mr. Nagisa."
I stood still and stared as Kaworu wrote his name on the board, then turned to say hello to us in just the
exact effeminate voice I'd been expecting; the same one I was convinced I heard in my 'death dream'.
"Mr. Nagisa, please take a seat," the teacher said once the class had finished chorusing a welcome
greeting to our newest classmate.
Kaworu nodded and strode forward, walking down the aisle immediately left of me. He stopped at the
first empty desk he came to and slid into the chair promptly. I was personally too stunned by his mere presence
to object that he'd taken Shinji's seat; and only Asuka knows why she didn't bark at him.
The part that got to me was when he finished settling in - removing his book bag and hanging it on the
hook at deskside, and all that. After seeming to be satisfied with how everything was set, he sat there for a
moment, and then turned his head to look directly at me. Recognition seemed to play across his face, and then
came a thin smile and a single, gentle nod, before he faced forward once more.
Classes were difficult to get through. The little nod of acknowledgment from Kaworu threw me off my
game, so to speak. I did my best to avoid making any further eye contact with him and just get through the day,
and it stressed me out to no end.
Asuka and Hikari were my saving grace come lunchtime, as I was able to blend in with the crowds and
become just another white shirt and blue skirt in the sea of students going to the lunchroom. As usual, we chose
a table in a corner of the room for the three of us to gather around.
"What do you think of our new classmate?" Hikari asked us innocently once we'd settled in.
I shut my eyes and sighed. Dammit.. I can't even get away from him at lunch!
"He's weird," Asuka opined. "Weird looks, weird voice.."
"You call everyone weird," Hikari accused her. Turning to me, the class president asked, "What about
you, Jill? What do you think?"
"Oh!" I said, startled out of my daze. "Um..."
"What's up with you? You've been acting weird ever since.." Asuka began, then clammed up.
"Since when?" Hikari asked.
"Can't talk about it, Hikari, sorry," Asuka said. "Pilot stuff."
"Oh!" Hikari blurted out. "Do you mean to say he's a pilot, too?"
I nodded a little, and Asuka answered affirmatively.
"We met him the other day.. let's leave it at that," I murmured.
"I see," Hikari nodded.
Asuka looked at me with a cruel smile. "Oho, I think I understand now."
"What??" I said, my head snapping up to attention to regard her.
"Sooooomebody's in the midst of a cruuuuush," she teased, with Hikari picking up on it and joining in
about halfway through the accusation.
"What?? No!" I blurted out, blushing and turning away. "It's nothing like that!"
"Sure, Fourth, sure," Asuka grinned.
Just then, to complicate matters, in from the nearby door came the object of our conversation. He
spotted me first and walked over casually.
"Hello there," Kaworu greeted the group.
"Oh! Hello, Mr. Nagisa," Hikari began. "We were just talking about you. Erm, in a good way, that is."
"I see," he said in that curious lilt, still with the everpresent smile. "It is good to meet you, Asuka Langley
Sohryu, Hikari Horaki, and Jillian Thomson."
Asuka looked a little peeved as I studied her, keeping my attention diverted from Kaworu, as if that
would accomplish anything. "You know all our names already?" Hikari said with an air of awe.
"Of course," he said with a nod. Turning once again my way, he added, "Besides the fact that it makes
good sense, it is a wise thing to be able to identify your colleagues."
"Ohhh," Hikari said, looking back and forth between me and Kaworu. "Do you guys want me to step
aside for a bit?"
"No.. stay here," I said quietly, though in my mind it came out as a hollered plea.
"It's all right," Kaworu responded. "I've been invited to sit with another of our classmates for lunch. I just
thought I'd introduce myself." He stepped back and performed a gentle bow. "It was nice meeting you, Hikari.
And I'll be seeing you soon, Asuka.. and Jillian," he said, glancing at us each in turn before walking away.
"Wow," Hikari said in a hushed tone after Kaworu had taken a few steps away. "Quite an air of mystery.
He's very interesting."
"Hey, Hikari," Asuka said, "Aren't you spoken for already?"
"Ack!" the class president squawked, flinching visibly. "Don't say it so loud, Asuka!"
"Why not?" Asuka teased, grinning. "Toooooojii does.."
The two of them went on some more, while I kept my head down and busied myself with finishing my
lunch as quickly and quietly as possible.
The afternoon's classes were largely uneventful, thankfully. Toji got in trouble for sleeping in class, with a
piece of chalk right into the center of his forehead - you'd have never known the old geezer was such a good
shot (or even anything short of oblivious when it came to his students). Hikari gave Asuka a half-ream of
printouts to take to Shinji, and for some reason, I turned down her request for me to tag along. Maybe I was
thinking that Kaworu would try to go visit Shinji in the hospital, and that it would be best to avoid further contact.
Of course, things happened exactly the opposite way I'd expected.
"You seem to be avoiding me," I heard from behind as I walked home.
Whipping around in a sudden, startled motion, I found Kaworu not more than five paces behind. I must
have looked terrified; though his expression and tone didn't change, I could tell he was concerned.
"Why are you so fearful?" he asked.
"I.. I don't get along well with people I've just met," I stammered, turning away.
"That is clearly a lie," he said, continuing after me. "Why waste time with it?"
I didn't answer, mainly because I was trying to figure out how he saw right through me - and unwilling to
concede that I knew the answer to that already. He carried on.
"You are an outgoing, compassionate person. You cannot shut yourself out of others' lives; it is not in
your nature. Yet you are afraid, somehow."
I kept on walking, despite the fact I heard his footsteps continuing on behind me. "I can't talk with you," I
said, almost pleading with him.
"And yet you find it irresistible to converse with all others," he went on. "This makes no sense."
"It's not that!" I snapped, spinning around to face him. He closed the five-pace distance between us and
stopped, standing right before me.
"Then what is it?" was his reply.
I studied him for a long moment, only met with a curious expression in return. Finally, I managed to say,
"Why are you here?"
"I am, or rather, was, the designated pilot for Unit 04," he responded in a matter-of-fact tone. "I am the
Fifth--"
"I don't mean that," I cut him off angrily. "I know where you came from, and I know your true purpose isn't
to pilot Eva."
"Are you sure of that?" came the bemused reply.
I frowned at him and turned away again, starting to walk off, before being halted by yet another query.
"Was I right, Jillian Thomson? Have you come to find this life enjoyable?"
I spun on him one more time and was about to blurt out a reply - as soon as I figured out what that reply
should have been - when suddenly, my phone began to ring. I fumbled in my book bag for it, and, after pulling it
out, found that Asuka was calling. "What?!" I snapped in greeting.
"Fourth! Listen, I need your expertise in the warm and fuzzy department. I need you to talk some sense
into the cement-head!"
"What the f--" I began, intending to ask Asuka what she was on about, when she interrupted me.
"Shinji!" she explained. "He's on his way to quit! He's going to give up on everything and run away
again."
"What? What the hell did you say to him?!" I shot back at her.
"Nothing! Never mind that, just meet me at Headquarters." With that, the line went dead.
"Something important?" Kaworu asked, seemingly innocently.
"Shut up," I told him, changing course and marching back towards NERV.
He turned and followed me, of course. "For such a kind and caring soul, you certainly harbor a large
amount of anger."
I didn't answer that; I was trying to think of what to do about Shinji. The logical answer was nothing;
Shinji would quit and then return when it was found that no one else could pilot 01, and he'd save the day.
...Unless Kaworu was assigned to Shogouki in place of Shinji.
Fuck, I cursed to myself, quickening my pace.
"You're too late."
Asuka stood in the gateway at NERV, hands on hips, voice dripping with sourness. She stared towards
the nearby curb, where autos to and from HQ routinely parked or paused to take and deposit passengers.
"He's already gone?" I panted, winded from the run.
"He went in a car from Section Two not five minutes ago," she declared. "Escorted off the premises."
"Sent home?" I wondered aloud.
"How unfortunate," Kaworu observed, having stuck with me the entire way.
Asuka glanced over as if noticing him for the first time. A retort was on her lips, I could tell; but she kept it
bottled up.
"Can I ask what might be a strange question?" I queried Asuka.
"What is it?" she said, turning away from Kaworu to regard me.
"Why do you care about whether or not Shinji stays on? I don't mean to be callous, but--"
WHAP!
I remained in the position I'd been forced into, face flung aside, looking at the ground near Kaworu's feet.
The stinging sensation was just developing on my cheek, much as it must have been in Asuka's hand as well.
The Second Child stomped off without another word. Beside me, the Fifth watched for a moment, then
said, "Are you all right?"
"Stay away from me," I snarled at him, turning and heading towards home once more.
Chapter Eighteen: No Return
That evening was a total mess.
Between the upset mood both Asuka and I were in, and the generally poor emotional state of everyone
around us, it was all we could all do to tolerate being alive. As far as I know, everyone retreated into their own
little cubbyholes of reality, and isolated themselves from the rest of the world. That's certainly what I did, curling
up in bed with a half a bowl of instant noodles and then watching TV for the rest of the night.
Thankfully, Kaworu didn't show his face again. Besides the fact that his presence and the virtual
acknowledgment that he was, in fact, the Kaworu I met in my 'death dream' made me feel sick to my stomach,
there was something about his mannerisms and the things he said and when he said them that drove me up the
wall. All this, coupled with the fact I didn't feel like any revelations about the seventeenth Angel were things I
could deal with at the moment, made it a good thing that he was out of my sight, if not my mind.
The next day, I did something I hadn't done in ages: I skipped school. Asuka came over to meet me on
the way out, but I stayed in bed and pretended I couldn't hear her pounding and calling me names playfully. Our
scrap the night before had been forgotten, or at least forgiven, evidently; eventually she relented, either
assuming I had left without her, or was still asleep and would end up paying the price when I tried to get to
school very late in the day.
I got up around eleven o'clock in the morning, and had the rest of the night before's supper as a midday
meal. I found the apartment block to be a quiet place during the middle of a weekday, surely with everyone but a
scant few all off to work and school. After my meal and a shower, I heard muted voices from next door, and
realized it was probably Misato seeing Shinji off.
Should I go try to say or do something? I wondered. I can't just say goodbye. It'll seem hollow, since I'm
expecting him back, more or less. And if everybody else can't convince him to stay, what am I going to be able
to do?
That last thought took me off on a tangent. Is there some ulterior motive for your being here? Did
Kaworu do this on purpose? Are you a pawn in his game, whatever it is?
The questions were just enough to delay my exit from the apartment; I heard the door next door slide
shut, and then, shortly after that, the elevator bell ringing, signifying the lift was ready to transport its cargo.
It's done, I realized. He's gone.
With nothing better to do, I pointed myself towards headquarters and set off. If things went as I expected,
the alarm would be sounded in the next hour or so. In retrospect, heading out so early probably wasn't such a
bright idea, as that heightened the chances of encountering Kaworu. By the time that thought crossed my mind, I
was already more than halfway there, and decided to press onward; I could easily hide out in the changeroom or
something if need be.
I wasn't in a hurry, so I took a route that was off the beaten path - first, because as I said, I had extra
time, and second, after I realized I might happen across the Fifth, I decided to keep to side streets and routes
that wouldn't see as much traffic, or likelihood of NERV personnel.
Of course, now that I've said that, you have to know that exactly the opposite happened.
"Rather odd time for a school girl to be out for a walk," I heard in a jovial tone. I stopped and turned, and
saw Ryoji Kaji emerge from a streetside market, lighting up a cigarette from a freshly-purchased package.
"Oh.. hello," I said. "I didn't go today."
"Yes," Kaji nodded sagely. "I figured that. Since you don't seem sick, and I don't remember Ritsuko
having any tests lined up today, my guess is that something's eating you."
"I'm still transparent to you, am I, Mr. Kaji?" I asked.
"Well, it's a safe bet for me to make, sad to say," he shrugged. "Things are in a state right now."
"I know," I agreed.
"Anything you want to talk about?"
"I'm not sure," I said. "If there's any point, I mean."
"Well, getting things off your chest is always good," he said, walking along in the direction I'd been going.
"I'm good as a vent from time to time."
I walked with him in silence for a moment, then said, "Shinji's departure worries me, but not as much as
the new pilot."
"Why's that?"
"Well, was he sent here from SEELE? He wasn't a student of our school.."
"True," Kaji agreed, "he wasn't."
"Mr. Kaji," I said, continuing in the quiet, casual tone we'd been sharing, "I know about the school, and
about SEELE. I need to know what the deal is with Kaworu."
That rendered Kaji utterly speechless. I don't think he was expecting me to come out with that. At long
last, he said, "I'm no longer involved in that end of things, Jillian. I don't have anything I can tell you."
"Is he really here as a backup pilot?" I pressed on. "Why is he here? Did NERV know about the Angel
that would infect Eva 04?"
"Jill, I can't say--"
"Can't or won't?" I pushed.
He sighed heavily. "Miss Thomson, this is a dangerous path to be on. It may be too late for me to turn
back at this point. I implore you to not follow me; you're too young to suffer my fate."
"But should I be worried about Kaworu?" I begged him.
The hard tone he'd adopted in the previous exchange softened as he rested a hand on my shoulder.
"Worry about yourself. There's nothing you can do about someone else's actions, but if you just live your own life
and react to things as they come, things will turn out okay."
I looked up at him with a faint frown. "Promise?" I said curtly.
"You're a good kid, Jill," he smiled, taking his hand off my shoulder to wave. "We all have faith in you."
"..Thanks," I said, caught off guard by the compliment. I was going to say more, but just then, sirens
started to sound.
"Sounds like one of us has to get to work," Kaji quipped.
"I was dreading this," I moaned. "With Shinji gone, and 00 down.."
"You'll do fine," Kaji urged me, nudging me in the direction of headquarters. "Just remember, do what
you can, and forget about the rest."
I nodded and thanked him, turning to run for the gates.
"--Rei out in Unit 01," Ikari was saying over the open comm-link from the command center, as I arrived at
the changeroom. "Prepare the dummy plug as backup."
"Eva 03 pilot is here," I called out as I began to change. "I'll be in the Cage in three minutes."
"Good to hear," Misato said with a strained voice. "We need all we can get. Join Asuka in the Geofront
as soon as you're ready. She'll need cover for the sniping mission."
"Roger," I acknowledged, struggling into my plugsuit. Rei was, of course, already gone, probably in 01's
entry plug and about to be rejected. Asuka, therefore, should have been on the floor of the Geofront, waiting for
the Angel to break through.
While I was running to the Cage, it dawned on me that some of my fears were already allayed, with six
words uttered by Gendo: "Prepare the dummy plug as backup". So either it was his intent not to use Kaworu at
all, or else there was something else I hadn't considered.
Remember what Kaji said, I told myself as I impatiently rode the lift to the entry plug. That's not your
problem.
There was a horrible commotion while I was getting aboard my Eva's entry plug - moreso than usual.
Despite the fact I figured I knew what was up, I asked my helper.
"Unit 01's not responding to First Child," he said. "You need to get out there quick!"
I nodded and commanded the sliding cover for the entry plug to close. The power came on, and the first
thing I heard was Asuka giving me grief for not being out there already. "The demon's already breaking through!"
"Launching now," I replied as calmly as I could. Background chatter indicated they were going to try
again in 01 with the dummy plug, and 00 with Rei. I knew, or had a reasonable guess of, what the outcome
would be, so I focused on my own duties.
Just like Kaji had suggested.
"Damn! Why won't it go down?!" Asuka cursed. I shot up the short launch shaft she'd taken minutes
earlier, to find her blasting away at the bizarre creature with a pair of oversized rocket launchers. Explosions
obscured my view of the Angel momentarily, and shook the ground beneath us, but when the smoke cleared, the
enemy was unscathed.
I tried to think back to some weaknesses that I'd remembered the Angel had shown, before scuttling that
thought and deciding to focus on the creature in front of me instead of the cel-painted one from my memories. Its
attention was directed solely at Asuka at the time being, so I was free to approach and observe.
"Unit 03!" Asuka bellowed. "Be careful - this thing's pretty tough! Circle around and .. scheiße!!"
"Asuka!" I yelled, but I was far too late; the Angel unfurled its paper-thin 'arms' and flung them Asuka's
way, lopping the arms cleanly off Nigouki at the shoulders. Asuka's screams were loud enough to distort the
audio coming from her entry plug.
"Locate the Fifth Child!" I heard Ikari shout to his subordinates over the comm system. "And retry the
dummy plug again from step 108!"
"No," I whispered to myself. I didn't want Kaworu going anywhere near Shogouki. Before I had time to
think about that any further, though, there was the issue of defending Asuka, and trying to hold off the Angel
from advancing any closer to its goal. I turned to pick up Asuka's fallen weapons---and found her charging me, hell-bent-for-leather, issuing a defiant war cry.
"Asuka!" I called to her again, but she wasn't listening. The delimbed Eva thundered past me, and Misato
screamed something on the comm link - all I could tell was that it wasn't directed at me. The Angel struck out
with its appendages again, and Nigouki's head went flying.
"Fuck! Asuka!" I yelled, hoping they'd gotten to her in time.
"Unit 02 is silent," Maya declared, "but pilot life signs are stable! The nerve impulses were shut down
before the damage occurred."
"Order Unit 03 to gather as many weapons as possible and maintain a line of defense," Ikari
commanded. Misato relayed the order, unnecessarily, since I'd already heard it.
"Roger," I said, scrambling to grab the pistols, rifle, and bladed spears Asuka had yet to use. I extended
and inverted my AT Field, as per my training, and began to empty the rifle's magazine into the Angel. When that
failed, I tried returning my AT Field to normal polarity, to see if that would do anything. (I know that all the talk
about AT Fields' polarity and such sounds like technobabble, but there's no way to describe it in terms a layman
can understand. Either you get it, or you don't.)
I was still being stymied at the end of the rifle's ammo. Dumping it, I prepared to go to the pistols already believing they would be even less effective - when all of a sudden, a figure rose from the ground
between me and the Angel.
The blue-and-white armor plating of Eva 00 shone in the reflected midafternoon sunlight, except for the
places that had been scorched, scraped, and damaged in the fight a few days' previous with Bardiel. And the
area spattered with blood around the shoulder, where the arm had been severed pyrotechnically.
Rei lunged forward, carrying a cylinder under her arm like an American football player. Shouts and
screams of protest erupted from the command center, but Rei ignored them, shoving the canister towards the
Angel, and seemingly breaking through the AT Field at the last second, before a mind-bogglingly huge explosion
dwarfed us all.
San's sensors whited out for a few moments, overloaded by the forces and energies involved in the nonnuclear mine's blast. When I could see again, I found Rei on the ground, immobile, another wound opened up on
her Eva's head and shoulders, and the Angel turning and blasting a hole in the ground.
"Clean through!" Hyuga screamed. "We're totally vulnerable now!"
"Send Unit 03 to Terminal Dogma!" Fuyutsuki ordered. "Protect it at all costs!"
"Jill!" Misato called out.
I was torn. I was being sent way out of range of the action, or at least where I suspected the action
would be, and that was disheartening twofold: One, I wanted to be a part of the fight, helping put down the
Angel, and two, I simply wanted to be present to see the amazing things that were about to come.
Plus, I supposed, I didn't really look forward to hanging out with Lilith and having no idea how to make a
last stand against the Angel, should Shinji and Shogouki not get together and fight. Will I have to self-destruct 03
and destroy Lilith for the sake of humanity? I wondered.
"Roger," I reluctantly said, and scrambled for an access shaft, choosing not to use the one the Angel had
made for itself. I didn't want to risk leading it right to that which I was under orders to protect.
BOOOM!! A blast took the top off the NERV pyramid just as I dove for the underground tunnel. Misato
was ordering an evacuation of Central Dogma, and sirens and warning messages were echoing throughout the
subterranean base. While I hurried downwards, I asked, "How are Rei and Asuka?"
"They're both alive," a rushed-sounding Misato answered. "Just get moving!"
The trip would take me just under a minute to make, scrambling on the Eva's hands and knees as I was.
While heading down, I wondered if I shouldn't have pressed the issue further, and tried to convince them to let
me try going at the Angel hand-to-hand, like I figured Shinji would shortly. After all, I had an S 2, though that didn't
necessarily mean I had an advantage over the Angel - but the fact of the matter was that 01 was probably going
to accomplish the task using nothing but brute force. And I was quite capable of brute force, the way I felt at that
point.
Still, I stuck to my orders and worked my way downwards, until, with a giant splash, I landed in a reddish
pool. It was akin to a full-grown adult bellyflopping into a kids' wading pool, on a much larger scale.
And one with a crucified giant marshmallow-man (-woman?) in the center.
"E-.. Eva 03 in position," I called out, getting San to her feet and staring at the Spear going through
Lilith's chest.
"Good! Maintain.. shit!--" was all that I heard on the comm link, besides a hell of a lot of indecipherable
noise following, synchronized with an earth-shaking rumble from above.
If things are going well, so to speak, I decided, that's Shinji starting to kick ass on the Angel right in C
Dogma's lap.
Despite my beliefs, I maintained heightened vigilance - I'd been wrong enough times in the past to
warrant being prepared for anything. After surveying the chamber of T Dogma and the exits - never mind that an
Angel might make its own, given the opportunity - my eyes returned to the half-mutilated form of Lilith, nailed up
on a ridiculously huge crimson cross.
The commotion on the radio channel made me believe that Shinji had indeed made his way into 01, and
was winning the fight. Again, I didn't want to screw anything up due to complacency, though, so I stayed on
guard and merely listened to the brawl, waiting for someone to call my name or callsign.
Was I put off about having been sent away from the fighting? You bet. It was like the soldier itching for
action who gets sent to cover the flank of the attacking forces. Did I blame them? Not really. They'd just
witnessed two of their four Evas get trashed. Until Shinji proved successful in boarding 01 and saving the day, I
was all they had left, and in their place, I probably would have decided my resources were better served
protecting the treasure, so to speak.
Even though I knew that a significant part of the treasure was nowhere near me at that point. Ikari had
left the command center after the attempted suicide run by Rei, and was God knows where by now. And, of
course, he had Adam.
I wonder if Kaworu knows that? I thought off-handedly, instantly cursing myself for letting my thoughts
turn to the Fifth Child. Still, it was a pivotal point, as far as I recalled: Kaworu's efforts were halted not by Shinji's
ultimate intervention, but by the realization that he had reached Lilith and not Adam.
I glanced over to the creature pinned to the structure before me, trying to convince myself that it hadn't
moved its head a fraction of an inch my way. That was impossible; soulless was Lilith, if the rumors about Rei
were right, and without a soul, the theory was that Lilith was dormant.
I still got the feeling I wasn't the only living thing - well, not counting Sangouki, that is - within T Dogma. I
turned the Eva in a slow circle, scanning the walls, ceiling, floors, and any outcroppings, nooks, or other places
someone could be hiding.
But who could be down here? I wondered. Get a grip, girl.
I was being called on the comm system shortly thereafter. "I'm here," I responded. "Still standing by."
A shaken Misato told me to come topside and assist in the recovery of Rei and Asuka. I asked her what
the outcome of the fight was..
"Sh... Shinji defeated the Angel, with Eva Un... the Evangelion," she stammered.
"Is everything okay?" I asked her, feeling pretty confident I knew why she sounded so uneasy.
"...Yes," came the reply. "Just ... be careful when you come up here. And no matter what you see,
promise me you won't do anything rash or say anything until after you've discussed it with me or Ritsuko."
I had to try to sound puzzled at that, though I was pretty sure it meant that Sho had come to life and
ingested the Angel's S2 organ, blowing away everyone's preconceived notions of what an Eva was in the first
place in the process.
I took one last look at Terminal Dogma before beginning my ascent. Nothing seemed out of place, so I
climbed into the vertical shaft once more.
To my puzzlement, I was directed to head to Gendo's office, not meet up with Misato and the others.
"Sir?" I asked, coming in through the doors.
"Enter, Pilot," came the elder Ikari's gravelly voice. He and Fuyutsuki were standing by the large,
wraparound windows beyond the desk. Gendo put down a small towel he'd been using to clean his face, and
replaced his glasses, sitting behind the desk, gesturing for me to stand before him.
I did, wordlessly, still unsure why I'd been summoned. Had I done something wrong? Was there
something he intended to tell me based on the situation with the other Children? What was I forgetting?
"You went down into Terminal Dogma," he stated, intending for his words to be somewhat of a question.
"Yes, sir," I answered. "As ordered, to protect the region and its contents."
"So.. you saw. What was there."
Oh shit, of course. I'm not supposed to know about T Dogma and Lilith and all that. "Yes, sir."
Ikari remained silent for a moment, steepling his gloved hands before him and contemplating his next
words. Fuyutsuki stood beside him, looking somewhat uncomfortable.
"Rei believes you to be trustworthy."
This statement from Ikari was a logical next step, in afterthought, but at first blush, it could be a little odd
and seem out-of-place. Still, I answered, "Rei is correct, sir."
Despite the fact he rarely showed any change in expression, I almost thought Ikari looked mildly relieved
at that point. "What you have seen is not to be discussed with anyone. At all. At the same time, you will follow all
orders regarding Terminal Dogma as issued by myself or the vice commander, even if following those orders
jeopardizes other Evas or seems to be counterproductive. Terminal Dogma and its contents must be protected
at all costs. Understood?"
"Yes, sir," I nodded.
"One more thing. With the damage sustained to Units 00 and 02, and the current unpredictable status of
Unit 01, you are our only fully capable pilot and Eva. Maintain yourself in a state of readiness at all times until
further notice."
"Understood, sir."
"Dismissed, then." Ikari turned to his desktop computer and began typing, signifying the end of our
session.
I turned and left, half-expecting old Kouzou's head to roll down the hall after me. He'd been the one to
tell me to go protect T Dogma, and I, like a good little trooper, went on ahead and did so, ignoring the minor little
detail that I should not have known what to expect down there - or, at least, to be seriously freaked out about
what I saw. In any case, it was over and done with, hopefully.
I headed off to the changeroom, ready to get out of my plugsuit, have a nice, long shower, and get back
home to rest. However, as I neared the Cages, which were in serious disarray to begin with, what with the heavy
damage they'd taken during the fight - the fifth Cage obliterated by 01 and the Angel, to begin with - more and
more commotion and confusion filled the halls. People were hurrying from one place to the next, and everyone
had an excited, if not frightened, air about them.
"What's going on?" I finally was able to blurt out at someone who was just a little slower than all the rest.
"It's Unit 01," he replied, continuing on his way. "They say the pilot has gone missing!"
"Missing?" I echoed, puzzled. I was thinking along the lines of Shinji having run away again.
The person I was talking to had already passed out of earshot, so I carried on to the changeroom. When
I arrived there alone, the gravity of the situation and Ikari's last words to me finally hit home. Asuka and Rei were
both, at the very least, injured. Rescue operations would have to be undertaken to get them out of their Evas and
into hospital. And Shinji was supposedly missing.
So, yeah, it is all you, I realized as I was getting into the shower. If another Angel attacked, everything
was in my lap, so to speak. I hoped I was ready to deal with that kind of pressure.
As I left the changeroom a quarter-hour later, I happened across Maya Ibuki pushing a cart full of
electronics down the hall. "Hey, Lieutenant," I called out, hurrying to catch up with her. "Good to see you're all
right."
"Hello," she said, forcing a smile. "It was a bit hairy there for a while, but we all survived."
"That's good," I nodded. "Have you seen Misa--"
"You.. don't want to talk to her right now," Ibuki shook her head. "She's not in a good mood."
"I'm a little concerned, though," I pressed on. "I heard a rumor that Shinji's gone missing."
Maya frowned. "In a way," she admitted. "Look, in case this is supposed to be secret, you didn't hear it
from me. But his entry plug.. when the video feed came back on, after we retrieved it.. he was gone."
The 'memory' of the incident came back to me at that point. "Gone?" I played dumb. "Like, not in the
plug?"
"Sort of," Maya replied. "From what I overheard, he's in a form we can't see. You see.. his sync ratio,
after the Eva reactivated, was.. it peaked at.." Maya flipped through a series of printouts on a clipboard that
perched atop her cart's cargo. "Four hundred and twelve percent."
"Four hundred?" I echoed, trying to inject disbelief into my tone. "How is that possible?"
"It's beyond even me," she shrugged. "Dr. Akagi's the one with all the answers in this situation. Well,
almost all the answers."
"Except how to get him back?" I hazarded a guess.
Maya silently nodded, frowning lightly.
"Now I understand why you say Misato's in a mood," I acknowledged. "Well, I'm holding you up, and
there's clearly nothing I can do to help things here, so I'm heading to my apartment. Have someone call me if
anything changes, will you, please?"
"Sure," Ibuki smiled. "Will do, Jillian."
"Thanks," I said, and with a smile and a wave, I was off.
Just after three the following morning, I was awakened by a thunderous sound from next door. Sitting
bolt upright in bed, I tried to calm my heart down while I got my bearings.
"FUCK!" was shrieked from the other side of the thin wall. Another pair of loud thumps put an additional,
extraneous exclamation point on the curse.
Heedless of the hour, my state of dress (which was my PJs, so shut up), or anyone else that might be
about at that time of day, I stumbled out my door and over to the Katsuragi household. Luckily, the front door had
been left unlocked - in fact, ajar - and I just walked right in.
"Do you have a goddamn problem??" I said, my voice carrying just the right amount of sleepiness and
irritation that I'd hoped it would.
Asuka turned around from trashing her room to see me standing in her doorway. "Shut up!" she shot
back at me.
"What the hell are you doing, and why can't it wait till a more civili--hey!!" This last part I blurted out as I
deflected a thrown magazine, or the shredded remains of same, with an open palm, sending it caroming off
behind a chest of drawers.
"Go away! You're just as much at fault as he is!" Asuka railed, throwing something else which I dodged
before getting a good look at it.
"At fault?! About what??" I demanded to know.
"Both of you upstaged me! I was all but impotent against that Angel, and you just walk in there and--"
"And what?" I snapped back, catching the latest thrown item - a couch pillow. "All I did was get sent for
guard duty, way away from combat. How is that possibly upstaging you?!" I threw the pillow back in anger.
"That's beside the point," Asuka growled, after flinging the pillow aside. "What about stupid Shinji, then?!
I fought and fought and fought and got nowhere, and he just waltzes in and saves the day!"
"Do you really think that was intentional on his part?" I said in a caustic tone. "Do you not realize just
what happened to Shogouki last n--"
"To what??"
"Shogouki. Eva 01," I clarified.
Asuka snorted derisively. "There you go with the pet names again. Give it a break, Fourth."
"Haven't you heard what happened?" I charged on. "The Eva went berserk again, as in outside of
Shinji's control. Then, it.. took him."
"What the hell do you mean, 'took him'?"
"He's still inside the entry plug," I yelled at her. "But mixed in with the LCL, like primordial soup!"
Asuka stared at me for a moment. "You're crazy," she scoffed.
"Phone HQ yourself. Ask anyone. They're shitting themselves over all this. If they open the plug, they'll
lose him."
That last bit seemed to strike a chord with her. "They'll figure it out. They have to! We trust them with our
lives," she declared.
"Well, when Dr. Akagi looks stumped.." I trailed off, shrugging. Adopting a scowl, I added, "I intend to go
back to sleep now. If you want to destroy shit, do it quietly, but I have one more thing to say. Shinji had quit
NERV before all this went down. He wasn't going to fight ever again. If you think the reason he came back, after
seeing us all take a shitkicking, was to show you up, you need to get your bloody head examined."
Turning around without waiting for a reaction or an answer, I grumbled, "I'm going to bed."
The next day - or later that morning, in other words - I skipped school for the second time recently, and
spent the day in bed, for the most part, or watching TV or playing around on the computer. No one came to my
door, nor did my phone ring. That was good as far as I was concerned; I was in no mood to talk to anyone.
Asuka didn't come over or call, though I did hear her throwing things around again. I was too troubled
inside to worry about it, though. Something wasn't sitting right with me, and it wasn't the concern from waiting for
Shinji to reappear. Asuka's downward spiral wasn't helping, but that wasn't the main problem either. I just
couldn't put my finger on it.
In the afternoon, I decided to head out for a walk to clear my mind. It wasn't exactly the best choice I've
ever made.
Shit, I cursed to myself as I saw Kaworu Nagisa round the corner ahead of me. He spotted me, but to my
surprise, didn't wave or exhibit an overt reaction to our meeting - though, if I'd thought of it, that wasn't his style in
any case. Still, he did approach.
"Good afternoon, Jillian," he said, his everpresent smile already setting me off. "Congratulations on a job
well done yesterday."
"A j..? How do you know about that?" I said, my knowledge of his background slipping from my mind
momentarily.
"You pilot the dark blue Eva, don't you?" he asked. "I saw you protecting the facility."
"You did?" I said, gears thrashing in my brain. "Where were you?"
"Evacuating, with all the others," he responded plainly.
"So did you stop me just to say you saw me?" I said with some venom. Looking back on it, I would liken
my behavior to that which I saw from time to time in Asuka. "I'm immune to flirting, I'll have you know."
"I wouldn't dare," he replied, still with the same tone and expression he'd shown through the whole
conversation. "I did have a motive for meeting with you today, though."
"Of course," I said, folding my arms before me.
"It's no secret that you harbor no kind thoughts toward me," he said. "It is also obvious that you believe I
have some goal that is contrary to yours--"
"I think we both know what that goal is," I seethed.
"--but I assure you," Kaworu said, with more stress on his words than I thought his personality was
capable of delivering, "that is not the case."
"I wish I could believe that," I shot back.
Kaworu lowered his head and shook it lightly, shutting his eyes. "You have a special gift," he said. "You
are perceptive beyond most peoples' capabilities. But be wary that you don't work so hard to see things that are
not there."
"Dammit, Kaworu--"
"Take some time to think about it, Jillian," Kaworu said, turning to continue on his way.
That, of course, did nothing to improve my mood. I took in a movie, which was more of a time-waster
than anything else. I picked up some groceries and then headed home to make something to eat, and finish up
my night watching some TV.
The next day, I woke with a goal in mind. I dressed and headed out, but not to school - instead, to HQ
and the medical wing therein. To my ultimate surprise, I wasn't challenged with twenty questions upon my
request to enter and visit the patient in question.
Rei looked up when I opened the door. She had a faint hint of a perplexed expression on her face, but
hid it as soon as I arrived. It was apparent she'd only been awake a short while, though she had managed to
move the bed to a sitting configuration in the meantime.
"Good morning," I said, putting on a bright smile. "How are you feeling?"
"All right," she replied, as plain as ever. "What day is it?"
"Saturday," I told her. "You were out for 2 days. That move clearly took a lot out of you."
"I see." She studied her hands, half-folded in her lap, while I took a seat.
"In case you care, the Angel was defeated. Shinji came back and piloted 01, but there was an unusual
occurrence afterwards."
"Oh?" Rei asked, still not looking up.
"Yeah. Eva 01 ingested an S2 organ, and has awakened. To make matters worse, Shinji synced at over
400% during the fight, and has disappeared within the entry plug. They're--"
"What?" Rei said, twitching and sitting up even straighter than before. I was caught off guard by this.
"Um.. nearest they can tell, he merged with the LCL fluids in some kind of quantum state, so to speak.
They're working on a--"
"I need to be there," she declared.
"I'll take you there once the doctor approves it, if you let me finish," I bargained.
Rei gave a nod, not apologizing for the interruptions; then again, I didn't expect it either.
"They're working on a plan to recover him, but it may take some time. I have faith that they'll be able to
do it. Respectfully, I don't know if your being there will do any good or not. If you insist on going to the Cage, I
feel I should warn you to be prepared to be turned away by Dr. Akagi for the time being."
"I understand," Rei nodded, not adding any extraneous, superfluous remarks.
"I do have something else I would like to talk to you about," I said, shifting in my seat. "Or rather,
someone else. I need some advice."
"From me?" Rei said. If she had bothered to show emotion, I would have expected her to wear a look of
surprise at that point.
I nodded. "It's about Kaworu Nagisa," I said.
That didn't seem to sit too well with Rei. She sat silently for a long moment, not looking at me, still
focused on her hands.
I felt compelled to add more to the conversation, even if it was one-sided at that point. "I don't like him," I
admitted. "Something makes me feel like he's up to no good."
"Perhaps that is what I feel as well.." she said distantly. It took me a second to realize she was referring
to my first statement - 'I don't like him'.
Of course. It'd be typical for her to not know what disliking someone feels like, considering she's still
struggling with the opposite. "I'm more concerned with what he is planning."
"Planning?" she echoed, her eyes finally traversing the distance to meet up with mine. I was going to
clarify my statement, but she added after a pause, "Perhaps he is simply doing as he is told. Following orders."
There was no defensive sting in her tone, but I'm sure she meant it; she was drawing parallels between
her and Kaworu. I badly wanted to press the issue, but I was unsure what would happen. I wanted to know if Rei
was truly aware of her significance in all of this, or if her 'knowledge' of me and other things was simply a keen
sense of observation.
But I was scared of what might come from delving into that so early.
"Maybe," I finally conceded. "But I'm going to keep my eye on him just in case."
"That's probably for the best," she said after a lengthy pause for contemplation. Then, abruptly, she
decided our conversation was over.
"I want to go to the Cage now."
To my utter astonishment, both Rei and I were allowed in the Cage unsupervised. Or, perhaps, Rei was
allowed in unsupervised, and I was there because of her.
Shogouki looked fearsome in her current state. Ridiculously giant strapping and wraps kept what we
could see fixed in place, almost acting as bandages over the now-exposed head. One eye and the gaping,
almost-grinning mouth were left uncovered, sending shivers up and down my spine. We were told that the Eva
was dormant - no energy readings were coming from any of the systems, including the inherited S 2 - but the
pessimist in me remembered that 01 had defied everything and everyone on a number of occasions before.
I just hoped that she wouldn't see me as a threat.
Nothing had been said to us as to Shinji's status, other than he was still trapped in the entry plug and
plans to rescue him were forthcoming. I took that to mean that the Magi's calculations hadn't been completed
yet, and they didn't have the restart algorithms devised which would allow them to reconstitute his body.
You're forgetting that that whole process failed, my mind pointed out to me, recalling the painted cels to
my mind's eye. It was Misato that..
I trailed off my internal monologue as I realized Rei had all but bowed her head, eyes shut, and was
clearly concentrating on something, her hands gripping the railing tighter and tighter.
"Ho.. shit.. um.. Rei.."
She said nothing, though her teeth gritted somewhat - either upon my intrusion, or as a response to
something she was encountering, I didn't know and couldn't tell. I stood and stared in silence - and I will admit, I
was mildly frightened, as my brain tried to correlate the power I knew Rei had within her to the person actually
standing beside me.
Rei all but collapsed a moment later, with a gentle sigh, still gripping the protective railing, but now using
it more for support than anything else.
"Rei.." I said, trying to help her remain standing.
"She is.. not responding," Ayanami said, searching for the proper term. "Her attention is elsewhere."
"Rei, what did you--"
"The same which we all do every time we enter our Eva," she answered bluntly, cutting me off. "The
same which you could do now if you tried."
"Me?" I queried. "But I'm not--"
"You are a pilot," she again interrupted. "You know of the beings inside the Eva. You can make contact."
Rather than protest, and to be honest, because I was more than mildly curious, I just shut my eyes and
focused. Like I did with San, I tried to make a connection with Sho.
But.. but.. there's no LCL.. and I haven't got the neural clips on, I wanted to protest. There's no way this
will wor-My thoughts abruptly stopped short as I realized I felt a presence. It was faint, and, as Rei had indicated,
'distracted' - for lack of a better term. But I could definitely sense the entity within Eva 01 for a fleeting moment,
and it indeed had its attention turned elsewhere.
"H-holy sh.." I breathed, caught off guard. This time it was Rei's turn to support me.
"You believe Nagisa and I to be the same," she said as she helped me regain my footing. "But it is you
and I.. and Sohryu, and Ikari.. who are sistren and brethren."
I didn't know what to say to that. I couldn't tell if Rei knew her origins and composition, or didn't, or did
and chose to ignore them. The entire world was getting muddied, and it was getting damn near impossible to tell
who was on what side, or even if there were sides any more.
At her request, I escorted Rei home. I realized it would be the first time I would visit the decrepit
apartment block, after months and months of being there - as in, in Tokyo-3. I felt a little remiss in having never
stopped in on my fellow pilot and friend in the past.
We walked in silence for most of the trip; I was so full of clashing ideas and theories that I didn't know
where to begin, and Rei simply had nothing to say. However, as we climbed to the fourth floor of her apartment
building, and turned down the hall that led to her single, dreary room, she spoke.
"Jillian."
I was shocked out of my internal debate. "Y-yes, Rei?"
"Thank you for assisting me today." After a heartbeat, she added, "Please, promise me something."
"What's that?"
She turned to face me as we stopped before her door. "Come back to the Cage tomorrow, and as many
times as is necessary."
To persuade Yui to give back Shinji, I realized was the unsaid portion. I nodded. "I will."
Rei didn't invite me inside; I wouldn't have taken the offer anyway - or maybe I would have. I was so
screwed up inside that I didn't know which of the 97 directions I felt I was being pulled I should go.
Once the door swung shut with a clunk, I came back to my senses and started the trek back home.
I went back to school on Monday, and ended up being the spokesgirl, more or less, for the pilots. The
other students noticed Shinji's absence, of course, and wanted to know what was up. Asuka, who was also at
school, kept quiet while I told them a story about how Shinji was injured in the last fight and was in hospital. That
worked for the time being, and, sadly, Rei was absent so often that her disappearance was barely noticed.
Kaworu was in class, but avoided contact with me or Asuka, which surprised and puzzled me. This was
offset by the fact that Hikari, Toji, Kensuke, and the rest wanted to get as much information from us as they
could about our time away, and provided a much-needed distraction.
Asuka finally spoke with me during the lunch break. I wasn't sure what to expect, but, of course, Asuka
left little to the imagination.
"Any news on stupid Shinji?" she asked, sitting down beside me, setting down her bento box.
"Nothing new, really," I said, laying out my tray. "The Eva is still dormant, and he's still.. inside. Kind of."
"He's really screwed up this time," Asuka sighed, unpacking her lunch and arranging it to her liking.
"I hardly doubt it was his fault," I pointed out. "He wasn't even in control of the Eva for the last ten
minutes of the fight. At least, if it happened the way I heard it told."
"What do you mean?"
"The Eva.. awoke," I told her quietly, careful to keep our conversation between us and us alone. "They
say this was not the usual, garden variety berserker incident. Something happened when Shinji's power ran out."
What the hell, I thought, mentally shrugging and deciding to go for broke. "It's like it sensed his despair and
abject terror and rose up to protect him."
Asuka, as I almost expected, scoffed. "Back to this again. Tools have no business having souls and
wills." As an afterthought, she added, "So it powered back up, in the nick--"
"No," I interrupted, correcting her. "It moved without power. It fought for a good five minutes, powerless,
and then it ingested the Angel's S2."
"What do you mean, 'ingested'?" she said, quirking an eyebrow.
"It ate part of the angel," I told her. "The engine that provides limitless power to--"
"I know what a Super Solenoid is," she said bluntly.
"Er, right. Well, 01 has one now."
"And just why would a berserker Eva do such a thing?" Asuka said, shaking her head.
"I told you; because it gained self-awareness. It awoke." I leaned closer. "Survival is a human instinct.
I'm sure that was the reason for taking in the S2."
Asuka smirked at me. "If you're so sure, maybe you should be in Research and Development, not the
Operational corps."
"Asuka," I sighed, shaking my head. "It's--"
"Oh! There you are," Hikari called out, hurrying over with her lunch. "I've been looking for you all break."
I clammed up, and Asuka switched instantly - and almost eerily - to happy friend mode. "Sorry, Hikari,"
she said. "We just had some pilot stuff to discuss." Asuka glanced at me. "We're all through now."
"Right," I nodded.
"Good," the class president nodded. "I hope you don't mind, but I invited.." She stood up and searched
the crowd, then stuck an arm up high, waving it back and forth. Momentarily, Toji Suzuhara approached and
greeted Hikari, then sat down beside her.
"It's fine," I said.
"No problem," Asuka declared, picking at her cold meal. "So long as we steer clear of any jock talk."
"Your wish is my command, Sohryu," I heard in a voice that sounded much like Toji's, without the
sarcasm or rude comments, but still in the Kansai dialect. I looked up and found him smiling and looking over at
Asuka.
"Who are you," I asked, "and what have you done with Suzuhara?"
"Jillian!" Hikari hissed. "Please! He's being nice. For us."
I blinked and nodded, eventually, then went back to my meal.
The week went by without any remarkable progress. Dr. Akagi and the Magi formulated a plan to
reconstitute Shinji; Asuka remained bitchy about the whole thing, doubly so when she was allowed to see the
extensive reconstructive work that was being undertaken to put 02 back together again; and Rei spent a few
moments each day in Cage 3, 'talking' to Shogouki.
I went with her every time, as had been her wish, but it felt futile, though I didn't dare tell Rei that. She
had it set in her mind that Sho could be persuaded to release Shinji, but I personally felt it was at least half on
Shinji's metaphorical shoulders, if not more. I was treating it almost like what I expected 'the end' to be like,
where people could return if they could see themselves in their own image, or however the idea went. Shinji had
to want to return, and for that to happen, he had to understand what had gone on and what was continuing to go
on. And for that to happen would simply take some time.
Misato was largely conspicuous in her absence or unavailability. I had no doubts she spent most of her
time in the backup control center, where everyone had moved after the previous battle had taken the top off of
the HQ pyramid. More importantly, the backup control center was where the project to salvage Shinji was
ongoing.
I had said all I could to Rei, Asuka, and the like, and wanted to know what Misato thought of things. I
also thought it would be prudent to get her angle on Kaworu. I left some rally magazines at her doorstep as a
peace offering, to break the ice, but it never came. I figured she had at least seen the mags, and wouldn't need
many guesses who they were from; that, or Asuka could have been stooping over each night and picking the
magazines up off the floor by the apartment door, which was about as likely as Rei popping out of her own
birthday cake.
The week turned into two weeks, and then three, and I always seemed to be missing Misato - that, or
she hadn't been home for more than a few hours total in almost 25 days. I went to school, like a good little
trooper, and eventually Rei was back with us again as well. She seemed more distant than usual, which wasn't
hard to figure out for me - she was worried about Shinji. She just didn't have the experience to be able to portray
her emotions.
The one I was surprised to see emotions on was Kaworu. He remained the quirky, cheery person he'd
seemed upon his arrival, at least in public; but when he was in a place where he thought he was alone, he
turned sullen and brooding, of sorts. It almost seemed as if he was disappointed with something.
Could it be Shinji's absence? I wondered. I wasn't even sure if they had met in any substantial way yet.
Kaworu showed a sociable side at one point, accepting the welcome from Toji, Kensuke, and a couple of other
guys who felt the need to introduce themselves to the 'new guy'. He spent time with them, making me wonder if it
would make a difference when it came time for him to show his true colors.
HQ didn't know what to do with me. Being the only active Eva and pilot, I should have been undergoing
near-constant tests and skill checks and such. However, with the already-limping tech team, ousted from their
normal home in Central Dogma by the destruction the Angel had visited upon us, spread between three major
projects - the rebuilding of 00 and 02, not to mention the plan to rescue Shinji - there was simply no one left who
could put me through the required regular battery of tests, as well as there not being enough hours in the day.
I wasn't worried; I knew there was a lull before the next fight would take place, even if I'd forgotten which
Angel was next. Is it time for Armisael? It can't be Kaworu, because he's last.. what else does that leave us?
The thought that we were closing in on what would possibly be the end - or at least resetting - of all life
on Earth made me physically ill for a day or so. I contemplated taking another day off, but I didn't want to be
making a habit of skipping school. Even if I didn't need it, even if it was a sham, the routine would do me good in
more ways than getting a secondary-school education.
One day, during lunch, I chose to sit by myself, outside, and enjoy the shade of one of the larger trees
on the school grounds. A small slope was beside it, rising to the fence bordering the schoolyard, and I lounged
on the grass under the tree's canopy.
I wonder how old you are, I mused, looking up through the leafy boughs. Certainly old enough to have
seen Second Impact, and probably a lot of things long before that.
I shut my eyes, and coincidentally, a light breeze picked up, whistling through the branches. Please
forgive us for what we've done to this poor planet, I thought.
I was trying to decide if my little soliloquy was absurd or not when I heard footsteps crunching down the
grass near me. As I was opening my eyes to look, a soft voice said, "Jillian?"
Rei stood there looking at me from the base of the slope. Because of the angles and the height, my eyelevel was still a few feet above hers, and I was looking down over myself at her.
"Hi, Rei," I said. "What's up?"
"May I speak with you for a moment?"
I pulled my hands out from behind my head and patted the grass beside me. "Sure. Pull up some sod."
The First Child didn't express any confusion at my joke; she must have been getting used to me.
Climbing the grade swiftly, she lay down on the grass beside me, both of us now looking up into the tree's
canopy.
"I am worried about Shinji," Rei said without preamble.
I resisted the first impulse to scoff and say he was going to be all right. Even if I believed it, maybe that
wasn't how things were going to go. And certainly a more 'human' Rei didn't need someone to dismiss her
troubled emotions out-of-hand.
"I understand," I said to her. "It's been quite a long time." On the outside, I didn't add. I wondered if it had
been nearly a month for Shinji, too. "Do you want to hear my theory on what's going on?"
"Yes," came the response, about as energetic as I'd ever heard from Rei - which is to say the word came
out stressed and emphatic, but still not carrying any emotion.
"I think he's talking to the soul in the Eva. That which he synced at 400 percent with."
"That seems logical," Rei responded after a moment's contemplation.
"Well, she won't answer us, and I don't know about you, but not once have I even sensed his presence. I
think he's being masked by the greater energies of the soul that's--"
"His mother," Rei stated bluntly, interrupting me.
It was my turn to pause now, trying to think of the ramifications of admitting such knowledge, even to
Rei. "Right," I finally nodded. "His mother."
"Does she not understand that he is needed here?" Rei mused. Or perhaps she was directly asking me.
I answered her, in any case. "It may not be her decision to make," I said. "Maybe Shinji has to decide
whether to stay inside or come back to us."
Again Rei paused. Being the most observant one of all of us, she was surely aware of why that decision
would be hard for Shinji to make. "Is this.. selfishness?"
It took me a second to realize she was referring to her feelings at the moment. "Maybe," I shrugged. "I
guess in the strictest of terms, yes; wanting Shinji to decide to come back to a world where he's felt only pain
and sorrow, for the benefit of you being able to see him again, yes, that's being selfish. The true question is, is
this selfishness justified?"
"I don't understand."
"I'm not sure I even understand myself when I get on this line of thinking," I admitted. "It strays too close
to the whole 'meaning of life' argument for me to make sense of it. But if Shinji comes back to us, there's no
reason to believe that he has to carry on being miserable. Surrounded by friends, he'd be exposed to their
emotions and feelings and experiences as well, and that would give him the choice to be happy or not. Right?"
"I suppose," Rei said.
"That doesn't mean it'd be easy. He's spent most of his 14 years walling himself off from everyone and
everything around him. Besides having to expend the energy to help tear down those walls, he doesn't know
how to interact with a world that cares about him. It's an alien, scary place for him."
The bell tolled to indicate lunch hour was over. Rei sat bolt upright; I got up at a more sedate pace.
"Thank you," she told me.
"No problem," I replied. "Are we still going there after school, by the way?"
One final pause came from Rei, before: "Yes. I'd like that."
"I'm not sure I want them here," Ritsuko Akagi muttered under her breath (or so she thought), gesturing
toward me and Rei.
"They have as much a right to be here as anyone else does," Misato told her firmly. "He's their fellow
pilot and their friend, if you've forgotten that."
Dr. Akagi glared at Misato for a moment, leaving something unsaid; I figured it was something along the
lines of how she knew it wasn't going to work. Ultimately, though, she ordered the process to begin.
I won't bother to relate to you the terminology and procedures that were declared and invoked; if the
normal tech-speak involved in an Eva activation was all Greek to me, the stuff they were babbling about at that
point was completely off the planet. I heard words I'd never heard before, or since, and couldn't spell, let alone
pronounce properly.
I did catch the words 'psychograph' and 'inverting' in close proximity to one another, and that usually
wasn't good, in my experience. Shortly thereafter, someone blurted out that the signal was caught in a feedback
loop. It sounded like a script session for Star Trek: The Next Generation.
"Shut it down," Ritsuko ordered in a grave tone, which sent Misato into hysterics. She did more than slap
the doctor; she all but tackled her, knocking her back against Maya's console and then tumbling into the aisle
between her and Hyuga. Misato was pounding on Ritsuko for all it was worth, screaming for her to do something,
to try something else, to keep on working on it; and when Ritsuko's face was no longer full of fist (after Misato
had been pulled off her), she explained how there was nothing left to do - that it was over.
That was when Maya interrupted with the declaration that the shutdown sequence had been ignored.
She also added, in a panicked tone, that the plug was being ejected and purged, quickly adding that it was not of
her own doing.
One could have heard a pin drop in the command center when that came to pass; the plug was behind
thick safety glass, making it near-soundproof, so no one could hear the sloshing of LCL as it poured out of the
open hatch of the entry plug, washing Shinji's clothing and neuroclips onto the catwalk.
Misato screamed Shinji's name and bolted from the room, clearly running for the access hatch into the
test environment. Rei dashed forward, instead, to the window, pressing her hands against the glass and peering
at the scene wordlessly.
For lack of anything better to do, I joined her, standing at her side. I then had a truly frightening moment,
in which I realized Rei was standing beside me, quivering and trembling, on the verge of breaking out in a
wailing cry. No one could see her face, as it was close to the glass, but I was sure there had to be a look of terror
on it, based on her body language.
I shut my eyes just before Misato threw herself sloppily into the pooling liquid, grabbing for Shinji's
school uniform and sobbing noiselessly (at least from my perspective). For some reason, I decided to give things
a shot myself.
Please. So many depend on him. On you, Shinji. Come back where you belong. Please let him go.
I wasn't sensing anything, and it felt absurd - more and more every time I tried it when not in sync in my
entry plug, with my own Eva's sensations surrounding me. It felt like I would have more success trying to
telepathically will Pen2 to stop picking at my trash bags every week.
Suddenly I heard people gasp, and opened my eyes in time to see Misato leap to her feet and scramble
over a few meters, bending down again to pick up a body.
"Look," I urged Rei softly, nodding towards the scene. She lifted her head and gasped, turning and
running for the exit door, same as Misato had.
I followed, of course, and was about to make the abrupt right turn to enter the test area right behind her
when I noticed someone else loitering in the short hallway connecting it and the command center.
Kaworu Nagisa.
He noticed me and my momentary hesitation upon spotting him. Smiling and nodding towards the door
Rei was rushing through, he said, "It's a good thing, isn't it?"
I just turned and followed Rei.
Shinji turned out to be okay, all things considered. He was alive, and the medical staff couldn't find much
reason to hold him in the hospital, so he was released on his own accord fairly quickly.
Rei had stayed with him briefly during his hospitalization, but bolted soon after it became evident he was
going to pull through. I didn't realize until later that it was probably because of the confused feelings she likely
had.
Misato, of course, waited on him hand and foot, and insisted on escorting him home personally. Because
Misato's idea of escorting him home included a trip to the store to prepare for the impromptu celebration she was
throwing for him that evening, I made it home first, and found Asuka doing something that seemed to be a cross
between radio exercises, calisthenics, and tai chi, on the balcony.
"Guten tag," I said, leaning on the rail.
"Hey," came the muted response.
I tested the waters with: "Shinji came back today."
The motions ceased. "He did? Good. It's about time."
"Mm-hmm," I nodded, opening the milk I'd pulled out of the fridge on the way through my apartment,
taking a drink while I let some silence build.
"Everything all in its proper place?" Asuka asked, filling the gap I'd created.
"Seems to be," I said. "He wouldn't even let them keep him in the hospital."
"Really?" she said, sounding surprised. "Ikari with backbone. That's a strange concept."
Once again, I felt as if I was test-piloting a brand new kind of rocketship when I ventured ahead with:
"Almost as strange as you trying to mask your feelings."
The silence was deafening, and I had to smile to myself. A vehement denial would have been typical
Asuka at that point; the changing moods and situations made sure that wasn't the case.
To be honest, I wasn't sure why I was forcing the issue so strongly at that point, other than the fact that it
just felt like the right time and place. I said to Asuka, "Don't act so stunned. Knowing you as long as I have, it's
not hard to see through to it."
Still, she remained silent, so I carried on: "Admit it. This whole air of indifference for the past month was
put up so you wouldn't have to let on to anyone that you've been scared shitless of what might happ--"
"Shut up," Asuka mumbled.
"Am I right?" I prodded.
"None of your business, Fourth."
"The well-being of my best friend is very much so my business," I told her, standing up straight again.
"For what it's worth, your haus-mutter is planning a bash to celebrate his return, and I suspect they'll be home by
the top of the hour." So you have just enough time to prepare, if you choose, I didn't add.
"Thanks," came the eventual answer. Asuka began to walk inside, before stopping to add: "This stays
between us, all right?"
The question was more of a demand, as was Asuka's usual way, but the sentiment underneath it was
atypical of the redhead's normal demeanor. Instead of a dominating, officious tone, Asuka's words were carried
by a soft, questioning voice, something I'd rarely heard from Asuka, even in private.
"Don't sweat it, Second," I smiled, winking and going back inside.
When I got into the apartment, I leaned over the sink and stared into the mirror. The girl reflected had no
more signs of understanding than I felt.
What brought that on? I wondered. Why did I just play matchmaker?
I couldn't exactly put my finger on it, but I figured that it was related to blowing off steam from the stress
of the past month - what with Shinji's situation, mainly. I didn't really have a burning desire to see any of them
strike up a relationship - even though, in Jack's world, I considered Asuka and Shinji a better pair than him and
Rei.
Suddenly, it dawned on me that I could have screwed up big time. Rei had been fiercely focused on
Shinji's condition and the recovery project; was this the precursor to something bigger?
Why can't you leave well enough alone? I said to myself, sighing.
Unfortunately, I wouldn't remember that self-admonition the next day, when I was out for a walk to
unwind from the previous night's party.
I should have known better than to head to the lake to enjoy the breeze. I was down at the shore, letting
the wind run through my hair, feeling like things were doing all right for the moment, when a voice came from
behind me.
"Well, good morning, Jillian."
I turned around with a scowl and found Kaworu approaching. What caught me off guard was that his
everpresent smile was laced with a determined, firm expression.
"Did you follow me?" I snapped, despite my uneasiness at his unexpected look of seriousness.
"I must confess that I did," he said. "I believe you and I need to discuss some things."
Chapter Nineteen: Wide Open
I was pacing back and forth, alternately glaring at Kaworu, who was seated on a rock near the shoreline,
and looking off into the distance so I wouldn't have to see his smirk.
"Why are you so upset with me? Even the Second Child doesn't treat me this way."
"I think you know why," I shot back.
"I genuinely don't," Kaworu said. "I'm just anoth--"
"Bullshit," I spat out before he could finish.
This gave him pause, evidently. "You didn't even let me fin--"
"I don't have to," I cut him off again. "I know what you are."
"Do you really think so?" came the response.
I whirled on him and found him risen to his feet, the smile dissipated, leaving the serious, flat expression
all by its lonesome now.
It didn't faze me. "Of course I do. Don't play me for a fool."
"Those who deny being fools are those most likely to fit the bill," he declared, sitting back down again.
"But perhaps you should explain yourself before you or I judge one another."
"Are you completely daft?" I asked rhetorically. I began counting things off on my fingers. "I know you're
an Angel. I know all about SEELE, I know about NERV, I know what the Evas are, I know about Adam and Lilith
and--"
"How do you know all this?" Kaworu said, eyes narrowing.
"Um. Hello? Remember Jack's world?" I said, words dripping with sarcasm.
"What does your past life have to do with this?"
A tiny crack appeared in the structure of my argument. "What do you mean? You know what I'm talking
about," I scoffed.
"I honestly do not," Kaworu shrugged. "And I am no Angel. But I am curious how you know the Old Men."
"You're fucking kidding me," I muttered under my breath. "You just want me to come out and say it, don't
you?"
"It would certainly move things along," Kaworu said, a hint of frustration in his tone - the first true emotion
beyond happiness I'd heard from him.
I looked around, even though I knew no one was within earshot, or even well beyond that artificially.
Rolling my eyes, I said, "These events and happenings that we're living here, are the basis for a fiction in Jack's
world. There. Happy?"
"Really," Kaworu said with genuine bemusement. "How is that possible?"
I sighed heavily; I didn't want to be having this discussion with anyone, least of all Kaworu. "I believe that
there are as many worlds as there are things imaginable. I suppose there's some world where my life - before, I
mean - is a story too.." I trailed off as something occurred to me. "Wait a minute! You already know this.
Otherwise, you wouldn't have brought me here!"
"I had no knowledge of this," he said.
I sputtered. "What??! But you were the one who came to me at my death, and.."
"Yes, I was," he said as I trailed off again. "I decided to pay my way into this world by helping a soul that
didn't deserve to be harvested yet. In my view, your contributions to that world granted you, well, this."
I frowned as he gestured to me. "How can you know so much about me and not have seen my anime
collection?" I muttered, looking away.
"What was that?"
"Never mind," I grumbled.
"This fiction you speak of," he said to me, then paused. "Did I have a place in it?"
I glared back at him. "Yes," I said carefully.
"And I am an Angel?" he pressed on. "What did I do?"
I continued frowning furiously, and for some reason, blushed. "I can't tell you that," I snapped.
"Why not?" he said.
"Because," I hissed. "I don't want to be the one responsible for giving you ideas."
"By your own conduct around me, you've confirmed to me that I have done things now that you've not
expected, Jillian. For that very reason, your fears become irrelevant. Tell me. Please."
His pleading words and tone caught me off-guard again, but I still responded, with fists balled and a
headache forming, "You're not even supposed to be here yet!"
Kaworu was going to respond to that, when he simply stopped and looked out over the surface of the
lake. Calmly, and with little movement, he said, "We should perhaps continue this later, when we're no longer
being watched."
I blinked with surprise, feeling an icicle stab me in my spine and chill me to the bone. Someone was
watching us? How much had they heard? Had I just 'outed' myself to the world?
Kaworu picked up on my stunned shock and smiled. "Toward the road," he said simply.
I turned and peered that way, over a half-mile distant and up a tall slope. Leaning on the railing of a
roadside lay-by, looking through a viewing device of some sort - i.e., binoculars - was a dark-haired, red-jacketed
figure.
Shit, Misato, I cursed her in my mind.
I went home after that and hid in my room, feeling miserable and upset. I was going down the road I had
never wanted to even see, let alone take, and it made me feel all but physically ill.
Sure enough, as I expected, some time after the shift change happened at NERV, there was a knock at
my door.
"C'mon in," I mumbled, sitting up off my bed.
Misato let herself in and shed her boots, like a good Japanese guest. I simply sat there waiting for the
inevitable.
"Jill, may I come in? I want to talk to you about something."
I just nodded.
Misato crossed the room and turned a kitchen chair towards me, sitting down, hands on her knees as
she leaned closer. "I know I'm not your guardian," she began, "but I feel I have a duty to be concerned about you
just the same."
I looked at her; this didn't sound like she was going to ask me what the future held for her, or why I
withheld such information, or stuff like that.
"I imagine you know I saw you with Kaworu Nagisa today, down by the lake. I'm sorry if it seemed like I
was spying on you."
"Go on," I said evenly.
"Like I said, I know I'm not the boss of you, but I'm not sure I'm happy with you having anything to do
with him. Something makes me feel unsettled when I see him. Things just don't add up."
Are you kidding me? I said to myself. She evidently hadn't heard a thing - just saw the two of us
associating together and drew her own conclusions. "You ... what? You don't think that we.." I began making
random gestures with my hands, unable to mime out exactly what I was trying to get across.
"You're not?" Misato said, seeming relieved.
Her relief paled in comparison to mine, in truth. "God, no," I blurted out, smiling and shaking my head.
"Major, that's so far off my radar it's not even funny."
"Oh," she squeaked. "So you, um.."
"No," I hastily added, as she eyed me a little strangely. "To tell you the truth, I don't know. But Kaworu is
not in my interests either way."
"That's a relief," Misato said, laughing with a little nervousness. "So what exactly were you.. er.. that's
not my business. Sorry."
"I understand your concern," I said to her. "Trust me, I'm not exactly convinced Kaworu's on the level
either. But you've got nothing to worry about from or with me."
"That's a relief," Misato said with a sigh. She looked at me and the apartment and said, "I should
probably head home. It was nice to see your place, though."
"No problem," I smiled. "It's okay. I was just lounging around anyway."
She was about to get up when her cell phone rang. She picked it up. "Katsuragi," she answered it,
looking apologetically towards me.
I nodded and simply listened. "What?" Misato said. "Well, when was the last time anyone saw him?"
I at first was worried that something else had happened to Shinji. Looking at Misato's face, though, her
concern was more businesslike than the expression usually reserved for her young charge.
"I'll be right there," she told the person on the other end, hanging up.
"What's the matter?" I asked.
Misato had gotten up and was replacing the chair at the table; momentarily, she leaned on its back while
she sighed yet again. "Subcommander Fuyutsuki has gone missing," she told me, looking my way.
"What?" I asked.
"Exactly what I said," Misato declared. "Excuse me. I have to go talk to Section Two." As she stood
upright again and headed for the door, she added, "Don't open the door for anyone you can't visually confirm as
someone you know."
"Gotcha," I nodded.
"Call Shinji when he gets home and tell him where I am, will you?"
"Sure," I said. "Good luck."
Misato just nodded and departed at that point. I flopped back on the bed, letting out a sigh of my own.
How can I feel so old and stressed at this age? I wondered.
It was almost noon when I awoke the next day. In a panic, I ran through the shower, threw on some
clothes, and bolted for the door, as I had a series of tests and other Eva-related work to be done starting after
the lunch hour.
I was relieved to find that Kaworu didn't somehow conveniently happen across me on my way to NERV. I
had had dreams of him following me around like a puppy dog, asking what was going to happen next. I still felt a
little queasy about having told him anything at all.
Security was heightened when I got to the entrance to headquarters; it was only then that I remembered
Misato's news item of the night before, of Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki's disappearance. Evidently either he still
hadn't been located (or returned, if my memory served me), or the sentry posts would be a new, permanent
fixture and I'd have to learn to adjust my schedule accordingly.
I was only a few seconds late when I arrived at the Cage, where Dr. Akagi was waiting. She was talking
over strategies and priorities with other techs, and had me wait while she finished with them.
"Sorry about that," I told her when she turned her attention to me in full. "I kinda slept in."
"Don't make a habit of it," came her terse response, looking over a datapad cradled in one arm. "We're
grossly behind schedule as it is."
"Sorry," I repeated.
"We're going to work on Unit 02 today," she declared. "We need you to help us with the arms."
"Right," I nodded. It wouldn't be an overly strenuous task; I'd done it once already with Zero, to replace
the lost limb - severed by Gendo Ikari's command two sorties previous. Doing it twice over again would be fairly
pedestrian.
And so the activation of 03 went, or, to be more correct, the awakening. Not the same kind of awakening
that Sho had just undergone, of course; but, with San now possessing a functioning S 2, there was no shutdown
process any more.
Isn't that why they have Fuyutsuki? I wondered as I maneuvered into place in 02's Cage. Because Sho
took in a Super Solenoid. I thought that's what made them all uptight at this point, an Eva having limitless power.
If that's the case, why aren't they going batshit over me and San?
A chill ran through me as I realized that perhaps they had, and they'd just been good at keeping it from
me. I shook my head and focused on the task at hand, or at least, at shoulder - which is where I was holding
Nigouki's arm up to, while SCUBA-equipped techs floated in the 'cooling fluid', reattaching the limb with tools I
couldn't even begin to fathom. Some were simple things like welders (as simple as an underwater welder that
can create a joint in ridiculously-huge metal can be), but others were doing something specific to the flesh and
tissue of the Evangelion itself.
For a while, I wondered about how it had been possible to keep the arm alive for so long while it was still
severed from the body. My attention was drawn to the fluid around me, which is where both arms and the other
assorted things had been immersed for the month-plus that work had been progressing. Maybe this is like LCL
is supposed to be for us, I mused. At least, on some level - LCL wouldn't allow me to regenerate a broken arm,
of course.
The mind-numbing work was getting the better of me - almost allowing me to nod off - when I overheard
Dr. Akagi saying something about a sync test for Shinji. I perked up and paid attention at that point, learning that
he was being activated in 01 at that very moment, in a closely supervised test to see if anything had changed
since the big event - namely, not only Sho's awakening, but Shinji's merging with the LCL, and subsequent
reconstitution.
At the risk of being accused of overinflating my importance to the world, I was surprised they were doing
his test without me being there. 03 was the only truly combat-ready Eva at that point, and if something happened
during the sync test, surely they'd need some way of restraining 01.
Maybe that's not in the cards, I thought to myself as crews continued working on the second arm for 02.
Maybe 01 is more expendable than I think, now that I've got an S2 too.
Or maybe I should stop with the maybes already.
The workers finished up fairly swiftly; like a workman holding a piece of lumber in place until it was
'tacked' down, my assistance wasn't required to complete the entire task. Guessing that my sync test was being
postponed now that Shinji was aboard and underway, I disembarked from the Eva and strolled into the
command center (after at least rinsing myself and the plugsuit off - I'd learned my lesson in that regard).
"Sorry," Akagi apologized to me when I arrived. "Shinji was available, and the Evangelion was ready for
testing."
"It's fine," I shrugged, opening the drink I'd snatched from the vending machine on the way by. I tried to
stay out of the way while I stood there observing the action.
"Worried?" Akagi said, at one point, and it took me a moment to realize she was talking to me.
"Huh? No. Why?" I asked.
She nodded towards the bandaged, half-exposed Eva beyond the glass. "You've seen the truth now.
You all have. I was actually worried that you or Asuka would react.. poorly.. to that revelation."
I tried not to smirk, as the cadence of her statement reminded me of an old movie. "I'm okay," I shrugged
again. "Asuka, I don't know about. She's always talking about how Eva is no more than a tool to her."
Ritsuko sighed and nodded, though I got the idea there was more on her mind than our discussion,
specifically about the Second Child. "Well, you know that if there's ever anything you need to discuss, we're all
here for you, right?"
"Right," I nodded, trying to seem sincere. Inside, I was saying, I wonder how much of that you really
mean?
"Doctor," Ibuki called out. "You really should see this."
"One moment," Akagi said to me, and turned to the console. "What is it, May--"
Maya turned to gauge her mentor's reaction as the latter cut herself off. "You are reading it right,
Doctor," the lieutenant said.
Ritsuko picked her jaw up off the floor. "And he's still.. there? Still conscious and talking to us?"
Maya answered by leaning towards a gooseneck microphone. "How do you feel, Shinji?"
"All right," came the reply, in his usual non-committal tone, perhaps with a bit of a positive slant to it.
"Amazing," Akagi drew out.
"What?" I asked, leaning over.
Akagi stepped forward quickly, obscuring the display; she shook her head, saying nothing - at least, in
my direction. To the techs, she said, "I want the sampling rate increased to 10 hertz, and make sure the logging
goes into a separate file - a secure one. What's the solenoid's readouts?"
"Nominal," someone said. "No spikes noted."
"Clear the test center of non-essential personnel," she uttered, and the guard stationed at the door
gestured towards me and the other couple of random folk who were just watching. It was clearly time for us to
go.
After being ushered back into the corridor, I set about wandering, trying to think about what I'd seen and
what it was that I hadn't seen that was so big that Akagi had to hide it from view.
'Is he still there?' I replayed in my head. That implies she was expecting the situation to result in another
phase-out or whatever it should be called.
A high sync ratio, theoretically, would provide that. Was Shinji close to, or at, 400 percent synchronicity
again?
I tried to visualize in my mind's eye any of the screen that I'd spied before Akagi blocked it, but nothing
jumped out at me. Of course, most of it was about as likely for me to understand as a caveman would be able to
decipher an integrated circuit blueprint, but that was beside the point.
At one point, I realized I'd managed to get back to the Cage where 02 and 03 were being kept, side-byside. In one partition, 02 was still being put back together, as it had been when I'd left it scarcely a half-hour
before; on the other, 03 stood dormant and quiet.
But still activated and functional, of course, with the S2 inside her.
I had been standing there for several long moments - how much time, exactly, I don't know - when I
heard a noise down below. I was on a gantry catwalk partway up the Eva's body; the coolant had been lowered
several meters to allow the workers to continue with 02 next door. I looked down and saw two orange-jumpsuited
men lugging something between them, two catwalk levels down and in a darkened corner of 03's part of the
Cage.
My mind had registered that they were in the wrong place to be workers by the time they hefted their
cargo over the railing. The splash was faint, but noticeable for someone expecting it. The 03 Cage was deserted,
though, except for me and them, and the 02 Cage was such a beehive of activity that the sound wasn't even
noticed.
I peered and strained to see what it was in the darkness, but it was pretty tough to see anything. The two
of them hung around briefly, staring as their cargo first floated a little, then began to sink.
"There," came one voice, in Japanese. It was a monumental task just to be able to hear it. "By the time
the coolant gets purged and recycled, he'll be long gone."
"Good," replied the other, as they turned to go. "If you say so."
Absolute horror overran me as I realized that I'd just witnessed a body dumping. My senses took an
even bigger hit when it occurred to me just whose body it probably was.
Even in the darkness.. even under the pink hue of the coolant.. I'd recognize that blue dress shirt
anywhere.
I gripped the railing as my knees felt like they were going to give out. I tried to catch one last glimpse of
the corpse of Ryoji Kaji, but it was already under the depths.
There was a hellacious thumping sound going on, and it took me a moment to realize it was my pulse
pounding. I gasped in several big gulps of air, trying to be quiet about it, and finally let myself go to a sitting
position on the metal walkway.
I'm sorry, Kaji, my thoughts called out. I probably should have tried to do something.
I was chastising myself as I sat there feeling numb. Wasn't 'doing something' what I had planned to do
all along? Not just for Kaji, but for the entire scenario that was about to play out? Wasn't that my reason for being
there - to see what was coming and adjust to handle it?
No, I realized. Kaworu picked you randomly. He could have just as easily snatched a 96 year old
emphysema patient who'd never heard of anime at all.
Again, I don't know how long I waited there, letting my thoughts chase their tails. I know it was long
enough that I felt safe to leave without being suspected of having seen what I'd seen. I headed directly to the
changeroom, switching into my street clothes after a long, pondering, hot shower, and then started out for home.
Bumping right into Shinji Ikari as we both exited our respective changerooms.
"Ow!" I exclaimed, rubbing my forehead where we'd made the cranial connection.
"Sorry," Ikari hurried to say, stepping toward me again. "Are you all right?"
"I wasn't looking where I was going," I admitted, opening one eye to look at him. "I'm the one who should
be sorry. Don't sweat it."
My smile seemed to put him at ease, and he gave a faint smile back. "All right," he said. Looking my
attire over, he commented, "Are you heading home now?"
"Yeah," I said. "I've had enough of this place for one day."
"I understand," he nodded. Blushing a little, he said, "Do you.. should we.. I mean.. we might as well
walk together?"
It was phrased as a suggestion, but spoken as a question. I giggled and nodded. "Fine by me," I said.
"Just so long as you know it doesn't mean anything."
"Of-of course," he stammered.
And so, we began our trek home. Getting to the exit hall was fairly swift, as one might expect; after going
through security, which still had heightened presence, even upon departure, our path home seemed all but
deserted.
"How are the repairs coming?" Shinji asked me.
"Oh! Fine," I said, almost caught off guard. "Zero is back together, as far as I know, and Two is getting
there."
"That's good to hear," he nodded. "I'm sure both Rei and Asuka are very eager to get back to what they
do best."
"I guess," I said. "Speaking of doing best, there seemed to be something of a commotion in the test
center today when you went online. What was that about?"
"Oh," Shinji said, shrugging. He seemed reluctant to talk about it.
"What?" I asked. "Is it something bad? Something I shouldn't pry into?"
"No-no, nothing like that," he hurriedly responded. After another moment of silence, he said, "Dr. Akagi
told me that my sync ratio was over one hundred percent today."
"What?" I blinked. "How is that possible?" I'd suspected that was along the lines of what they'd been
hiding from me, but I was genuinely curious about how such a thing could happen. To me, 100 percent should
mean total synchronicity. What does it mean when one scores higher than that?
"I don't know," Shinji said, answering my spoken question. He looked to the sky for a moment. "I think it's
my mother's doing."
I lay on my bed that night, staring up at the ceiling, but focused inwardly on the thoughts racing through
my head.
Shinji Ikari knows the secrets of the Evangelion.
I'd feigned confusion, and urged Shinji to explain what he meant. It was exactly what I suspected he'd
say; he told me how in his thirty days inside the Eva, as quantum mass or however you wish to describe it, he'd
witnessed his mother's soul. I knew better than to ask what exactly he meant by that, but at first blush, the
phrase sounded rather confusing. I wanted to pry deeper, but felt it would be an invasion of his privacy to do so.
How is this gonna change things? I wondered. Would Shinji, working in tandem with his mother, be able
to fight as well as Asuka did - er, would - against the MPs? Would he be able to prevent Third Impact with ease,
with this new knowledge and ability?
Did he know this in the 'original' version, and it was never let on to the viewer?
I shut my eyes, once again berating myself for worrying too much about what might come. I resolved to
just keep a closer eye on Shinji and adapt and react to whatever happened.
I was almost asleep when a noise from the other side of the wall jerked me awake. It took a minute for
me to realize it was the sound of Misato's table scraping across the floor as she collapsed against it, followed by
the sounds of her sobbing.
And so she knows, I realized. For a while, before Shinji dropped his bombshell on me, I'd been
wondering if I should have reported what I'd seen in the Cage. But to whom? There was little doubt in my mind
that the two 'workers' were disguised Section Two agents. Maybe they had carried out the assassination
themselves, or maybe they'd just been ordered to dispose of the body. Regardless, I had no real recourse, once
I thought about it; it was SEELE who had surely ordered the hit, as it were, and going against them would be
utterly ridiculous. These are the kind of people who send entire countries' armies against NERV headquarters, I
reminded myself.
I briefly wondered if I could have gotten on Gendo Ikari's good side - if there was one - by explaining
what I saw. That too was quickly quashed; knowing him, he was 'in the know' about Kaji's fate from the moment
it was decided, and figured it played into his own hand nicely.
There was a bad feeling in my stomach while I lay awake in bed. After a moment, I realized it was fear. I
was afraid of the uncertain future stretching out before me. Things weren't going as they should have been. And
the death of someone I'd had encounters with - simply for his actions in the course of his job, however nefarious
they might have been - really hit me hard.
A muffled voice sounded from the other side of the wall. As I focused on listening to it, I recognized Kaji's
tone and inflection. The answering machine message. Misato had to be replaying it.
A sudden realization came to me at that moment, and my mind replayed the events of the day in my
head: I got up, raced through the shower, got dressed, and bolted for the elevator..
..distantly aware of the phone ringing next door as I headed out.
I'd been there when Kaji had made his final phone call. His last will and testament, and confession, of
sorts.
I was sure that moments after hanging up, he was likely dead.
Once again, I shut my eyes.
I don't know if I can do this any more.
Days passed, and no men in black from Section Two came to abduct me and snuff me out. I felt guilty at
feeling relieved at that, but there was little I could do about the past.
And, it seemed, not much I could do about the future, either.
I tried to go to class a half-week or so after Kaji's death, hoping a return to routine would sort my mind
out and renew my sense of purpose, or something like that. I was in for a surprise when I got there.
"Wh-where is everybody?" I asked Hikari.
She turned to regard me and my unorthodox greeting. "Ayanami is absent as usual; Shinji and Asuka
haven't been seen in days, and--"
"I meant everyone else," I said, gesturing around the sparsely-populated room. Besides her and I,
Kensuke, and Toji, there were less than five other students present.
"Everyone's moving away," Toji cut in, turning his head to look out the window with an expression of
annoyance. "They say this isn't the place for families any more."
"Oh," I replied, wondering why Hikari looked so sad all of a sudden.
"Mr. Suzuhara feels that way, too," Kensuke said.
"Oh. Oh," I said, finally getting it. Turning back to Toji, I said, "So does that mean you'll be going?"
"Not if I can help it," he grumbled.
I was about to say more, when another person entered the classroom. I blinked and frowned, setting a
determined look on my face. "I'll be back," I told my friends. "Keep me posted, okay?"
"We will," Hikari said, nodding, and watching along with the others as I stalked towards Kaworu Nagisa.
"Good morning," Kaworu said to me in a pleasant yet neutral tone.
"We need to talk in private," I told him. "Out in the hall, now."
"This is an interesting turn of events," he smirked, turning back for the door. "You approaching me, that
is."
"Shut up," I said, pushing him out of the classroom. Once we were in the hall, I led him down a hallway
or two and into one of the disused stairwells - and with the low population of the school, finding a 'disused'
portion was easier than before.
"You need to tell me what the hell is up with SEELE," I demanded of him in a low tone.
"What makes you think I have any idea?" he countered.
"You're their goddamn lackey," I shot back. "Why'd they wipe Kaji off the face of the earth??"
"Again, this is information I'm not privy to," Kaworu replied. "I don't understand why you think I would--"
"Well, why did they send you here, if not to do their bidding?!"
"Lower your voice," he suggested calmly, and I realized with embarrassment that I hadn't been exactly
whispering. He added, "Why I'm here is complicated--"
"Trust me, I can imagine," I said sarcastically.
"Please stop interrupting me," Kaworu told me, getting about as upset as I'd seen him. He continued
again: "I can't discuss my reason for being here right now."
"Fine," I snapped. "But I don't like what's going on."
Kaworu turned to slide the classroom door open. "The beauty of this world, Lilim, is that you have the
ability to choose to 'not like' it."
The rest of the school day was more of an annoyance than anything else. I was in a bad mood all day
because of the argument with Kaworu, and the fact I hadn't been able to confront him with half the things I'd
wanted to. As I stewed during class, I realized I couldn't even assemble into thoughts the things I wanted to
discuss with him. I didn't really have things laid out properly in my head. I vowed that before I tried again, I'd set
it all up mentally, or even write it out if I had to.
The other problem was that Hikari - forgive her - needled me endlessly about Asuka. At least I could
explain away her absence for the day - restart tests with Nigouki required the Second Child's presence for the
whole day. The difficult part came when Hikari brought up Asuka's demeanor as of late.
"I don't know what to think," the class president said at lunch time. "One minute she's off in her own
world with a weird little smile on her face, and the next, she's all.."
"Pissy?" I suggested.
"Um.. I guess that's a good word for it," Hikari blushed.
"You know how competitive she is," I told her. "Things aren't going so well right now."
"How do you mean? .. or is this one of those things you can't talk about?"
I thought back to the crushing defeat Asuka had suffered at the hands - or razor-sharp ribbon
appendages, to be more precise - of the previous Angel. "Sorry," I apologized to Hikari, nodding.
"Isn't there a way we can cheer her up?"
"I wish I could think of something," I said. The fact that Shinji's score had skyrocketed entered my mind.
Shit. She's probably learned about that already. "There are a lot of factors," I said, trying to explain.
"Will you at least say hi to her for me?"
"If she'll talk to me, yeah, I will," I said, smiling to Hikari, feeling a little hopeful.
That afternoon, I made up my mind to find Asuka and talk with her, whatever it took. The first hurdle to
clear was going to be to figure out where she was.
In the end, I went home, figuring that she'd show up there sooner or later - and it would be easier than
heading to headquarters and missing her on the way. In the end, I lucked out.
"You home?" I called over the railing on our balcony.
"Yeah," came the eventual, yet terse, response, muffled somewhat by walls and doors. I hopped the
railing and let myself in through the screen door.
Asuka momentarily came out of the bathroom, muttering curse words in German. When she saw me,
she said, "What a pain in.. no, I'd better not finish that, with the punster in the apartment."
I smirked; at least her sense of humor was still functioning. "I hear you," I told her. Starting out with 'idle
chat', I said, "So how did the restart test go?"
"All right," she said, flumping down on the couch and turning on the television. "I guess."
"You guess?" I said, trying to keep the mood light. "I put the arms on backwards, didn't I?"
She looked at me with a half-frown, and a rolling of her eyes. "Please," she groaned. "I'm not in the
mood for that."
"I know," I replied softly after a moment's contemplation. "I think I know what your reply is going to be to
this, but there are people who are worried about you. Hikari specifically asked after you today. And I'm willing to
bet that today's performance didn't help your mood at all."
She blinked and frowned at me again. "How did you--"
"Because I know how you'd react to the news about Shinji."
"What about him?" she scoffed, looking away. "Why would I care for a weirdo like him?"
"Don't go down this road again, Asuka," I cautioned her. "I know your feelings for him. Don't try to pull
your tough-girl bullshit on me."
She looked like she wanted to lunge for my carotid artery, but sat there furiously on the couch instead,
folding her arms and glaring at me. "Fine. Whatever. What's so newsworthy about him, in any case?"
Oh, shit. Great. "You don't know? About his score yesterday?"
One eyebrow was raised. "No. What was it?"
"I'll tell you if you promise.. promise .. that you won't make a big deal out of it."
"Yeah, whatever," she shrugged.
I took a deep breath. "Shinji scored over 100 percent on his latest sync test."
Asuka blinked and sucked in breath through clenched teeth. "How is that poss.." she said before trailing
off.
"I don't understand the math of it either," I said. "But promise me you won't blame him for it. It's not like
he's consciously doing this to spite you."
She clearly wanted to take me to task with this statement, but held her tongue for the moment. "Fine.
Who cares? It's not like I can't be just as effective.. just as good."
"I know you can, and everyone else has faith in you too," I said, seeing a way to maybe help her excel.
"Just let us give you advice."
"I don't need advice!" she shot back angrily. "I just need my Eva to do what I tell it to."
"That's exactly it," I tried to explain, but she cut me off and said she didn't want to hear about it.
I sighed and stood there for a moment, to try to collect my thoughts. Asuka asked me sarcastically if I
was finished.
"No," I told her. "Because if I give up, you will keep falling. You'll hit rock bottom, Asuka, and as your
friend, I won't allow that. You have so much potential, you are so..." I struggled to find the word I was looking for,
which gave Asuka a moment to drive a wedge into my tirade.
"I thought you had faith in me?" she mocked my earlier statement. "Now you're saying I'm no good!
Make up your mind, Fourth."
"Fuck! Asuka, stop it," I snarled. "Just shut your mouth for once and listen. There's no weakness in
accepting help from someone. Even if you don't want to admit that you took assistance, at least let me offer it.
Maybe it's me that needs the boost that giving you help would provide. If you won't take my advice for your sake,
then why not take it for mine?"
She stared at me for a moment, trying to make heads or tails of my rant. Finally, she looked back to the
TV and said, "Whatever."
I sighed again and threw in the proverbial towel. Walking past her, I went to the screen door to let myself
out onto the balcony once again. As I slid the door open, I turned and said, very deliberately, "I want you to
remember one thing, when things start to get rough. Everyone is here for you. I'm not going to give up on you.
Whether you like it or not, in some ways, we're all a family, all of us that are connected to Eva. And family looks
after one another."
She didn't say anything as I let myself out.
The next afternoon was when I next had contact with any one of them - the other pilots or NERV staff, I
mean. Again, Kaworu and I were the only ones to bother attending classes. I stayed distanced from him as much
as I could.
It was Rei Ayanami that I encountered, on the train heading home. I noticed a small scratch on her
cheek.
"What's happened?" I asked after greeting her.
"Pilot S.. Asuka struck me," came the reply.
"What? Why?"
"She disagrees with my philosophy, I suppose."
"What do you mean?"
"She called me a doll."
"Oh." I sat down beside Rei. "And a puppet, I'm guessing? Doing whatever you're told?"
"Am I wrong to do as I'm told?" she asked.
"No.. well, not usually," I replied. "Don't take it personally. Asuka's not having a good week."
"Her harmonics test was nearly a failure," Rei said. "I understand Dr. Akagi is having core code written to
allow Pilot Nagisa to take over Unit 02 if necessary."
"Ggk," I winced. "I hope it doesn't come to that." For a whole metric buttload of reasons.
"I tried to offer advice," Rei said. "But it was refused."
"To Asuka, you mean?"
"Yes." She finally glanced over to me. "I was not aware she does not know about the Evangelions."
"About.. oh," I said, realizing the implied details after the fact. "I don't know if she'd believe it if we told
her."
"Shinji believes."
I looked at Rei. "He told you?"
"On the train home yesterday," she acknowledged. "He is.. very talkative around me."
I'm sure, I didn't answer. "I see."
"Why are so many people upset?" Rei asked.
I thought about that for a moment; it surely would look that way to her. Asuka was livid because she'd
been defeated, and her Eva wasn't responding properly. Dr. Akagi would be upset because of Asuka's poor
performance. Misato was upset because of Asuka and because of Kaji. And I was upset because..
Because everyone else was? Was that my only excuse?
"It's just a stressful time, I suppose," I said with a shrug. "What with the drastic damage that was done by
the last Angel, and the things that happened to all our Evas.. and Shinji, of course.."
I trailed off; I doubted Rei would buy it, anyway.
Chapter Twenty: Intervention
My mood, and the moods of everyone else, wasn't buoyed any by the torrential rain that was falling
when I woke the next day. The clouds all around were thick, dark navy in color; the kind of clouds that produced
the wicked lightning storms I so loved as a kid (in either childhood). Even at 9 o'clock in the morning, it looked
like dusk.
It wasn't until my cell phone chirped that I realized an Angel attack was imminent. I gathered my things
and hurriedly bailed from school, Kaworu giving chase - silently, for a change. I was glad that I'd have to switch
to my plugsuit upon arrival, for I was soaked to the bone by the time I got to the security gates of HQ.
Shinji, Rei, Asuka, and I were all placed into our respective Evas; Shinji was ordered to remain idle and
in quarantine for the time being, while Rei was sent topside to receive a long-range rifle, and Asuka and I were
parked on the launch catapults, side-by-side.
The Angel was a being of light, or particle wave matter, I suppose is the correct term, which was hanging
around in low orbit, geostationarily almost directly above Japan. It had been positively identified as an Angel though to this day, I still don't understand how a 'blood type' color differentiates human from Angel. In any case,
it hadn't made any offensive moves at that point.
And it won't, I realized, as I finally remembered the properties and behavior of this particular Angel. Oh,
shit. Great. As if Asuka doesn't have enough problems.
Rei was receiving the orders from Misato when I heard a thump and saw 02 disappear from beside me.
The protests on the comm channel led me to believe that Asuka had, as expected, self-launched.
I thought about it for a second and then pulled the trigger myself, but nothing happened. A voice from
Command cleared it up: "Manual launch triggered and denied. Catapults are now locked."
"Let me help her," I pleaded.
"Negative," Misato said sternly. "Two Evas out in the open against an unknown enemy is more than
enough right now. Stand by."
I grumbled and acknowledged, dreading what would be happening next.
"I am in position," Rei declared. "I will cover you."
"Yeah," Asuka muttered. "You do that." The tone of her voice made me want to smack her silly, and I
instantly regretted that particular impulse, knowing what was coming.
The shaft of light plunged from the heavens - forgive the term - and spotlighted Eva 02 where she stood.
I heard Asuka's cries of anguish as the Angel began to probe into her mind, punctuated every now and then by
her rifle firing aimlessly.
"Rei!" I shouted, but was in turn shouted down by Misato.
"Stand fast, Unit Zero!" Misato demanded. "Until we know what this is, we can't risk it."
"Send me up!" I hollered, clicking the launch control button several times, to no avail.
"No," Misato shot back, all the while Asuka's screams overmodulating the comm channel.
"It's in my head!" Asuka wailed. "Get out! Go away! Leave me alone!"
"Major!" I screamed.
Misato didn't answer.
"Unlock the motherfucking catapults!" I bellowed to anyone who would listen.
"Pilot! Control yourself!" Fuyutsuki thundered.
Shinji cut in, also protesting the lack of help being offered to Asuka. The command techs were busy
reporting on Asuka's condition and the results of the rounds she'd fired - all missing the target, of course. Rei
was cleared to begin firing, and Gendo threatened to shut down comms to 01 if Shinji didn't stop hollering.
"Asuka," I pleaded, unsure if she could even hear me. "Hang in there! We're here. We're still with you!"
All that came back over the radio net was incoherent shrieking.
A distant rumbling shook the launch system, and I thought that somehow Shinji had made it to a catapult
and self-launched. The truth was made clear after a moment, when Hyuga said, "Unit Zero's shot struck dead
center.. but was blocked by the AT Field. We don't have enough energy to breach it at this distance!"
"Recover Unit 02 and reset Rei's rifle," Misato ordered.
"Negative! Unit 02 is not on a recovery point," Aoba said. "Replacing fuses and recharging the gun.
Twenty seconds to be ready to fire again."
"Dammit, Misato, let me go! I'll move her onto a recovery point! I'll be careful!" I yelled.
"We can't risk contamination of a second Eva," Akagi cut in. "Stay where you are."
I gritted my teeth hard enough that I was afraid they would crack. I couldn't bear to look at the
surveillance footage of Eva 02 writhing around any more, and Asuka's shrill cries had been reduced to frenzied,
labored whimpering.
"The beam - it's fluctuating," Aoba said. "All measurement indicates the transmission of the beam is
becoming less and less stable every moment!"
"What do you think, Ritsuko?" Misato mused aloud, picked up by the comm channel. "Should we fire the
positron cannon into the beam?"
"I don't know," Akagi frowned, sounding all but defeated. "Asuka could be lost to us already."
As if on cue, alarms rang out from within Command, and on the surveillance video, 02 slumped over and
went dark.
"Powered down?!" someone blurted out. "Check umbilical connections!"
"They're not working! Something caused the Eva to initiate its own shutdown!"
"Life support crash! Pilot's life signs dropping!"
"Emergency power to circuits 1320 through 1950! Now!" That one was Ritsuko.
"Father! Let me go out there!" Shinji pleaded.
"The risk is too great," argued Fuyutsuki. "The likelihood of the pilot being contaminated is too much!"
"Unit 01 must not come in contact with an Angel," Gendo Ikari agreed.
"But... Asuka will die if we don't do anything!" Shinji protested.
"Correct," Ikari said flatly, and at first, I thought he was implying that he was okay with that. His pause,
though, was to contemplate his next decision. "Rei. Return to Dogma and retrieve the Spear."
An explosion of protest erupted over the comm, presumably from Fuyutsuki, for no one else knew of the
Spear of Longinus' potential. I, however, found the realization flooding back to me.
Of course. Rei will throw it like a javelin at the Angel and destroy it. That's what saves Asuka.
Another thought occurred to me at that point. What are you here for? What good are you if you don't do
anything? What if the extra few seconds saved mean Asuka doesn't get completely mind-fucked, and can
recover? Are you just going to stand by and do nothing to help?
"Commander!" I called out, silencing the argument between him and Fuyutsuki. Both men, as well as the
rest of the command staff, looked at me (or at least my on-screen image).
I didn't wait for permission to go on. "Rei is on the surface. I am already halfway closer to T Dogma than
she is." I let that sink in for a second. "Let me do this."
Ikari nodded. "Go," he said.
That was all I needed to hear; I wrestled my Eva's feet from the catapult's clamps, heedless of any
damage I was doing, and headed towards the shaft that would take me down into the bowels of the Geofront.
"Beam still fluctuating," someone said. "But still causing damage to the pilot."
Something made me look up at that moment, while hooking on to a crane that could lower Sangouki into
the massive shaft. Descending past the command post of Central Dogma, I saw, beyond the crowd of people at
the monitors, one Kaworu Nagisa, standing near the back wall by the hallway doors. He had his eyes shut and
head bowed, but when I looked up, he suddenly opened his eyes and stared right back at me, until I disappeared
from view.
Comms cut off partway down the shaft, and I breathed a sigh of relief at that point. Forgive me, Asuka, I
said silently, but I couldn't take much more of that. Evidently no one had yet seen fit to mute the sobs and such
coming from her entry plug.
The rest of the ride down to Terminal Dogma was still agony, though - just a different kind, namely, the
waiting game. The crane moved at about 2 levels every 10 seconds, which was actually pretty speedy for a lift of
that size and strength, but it was all I could do to just leap off the cable and risk injury slamming into the floor far
below.
Finally, I made it to the bottom level, and hopped off, splashing down in the sea of fluid surrounding
Lilith. The small naval vessel (well, small by Eva standards) bobbed in the giant ripples I made on my
touchdown, making me take notice of it and wonder about the point of such a craft in such a place. Surely
anything that could get to T Dogma would shrug off sixteen-inch guns without breaking a sweat, wouldn't it?
The Spear was as I recalled it, plunged through Lilith's torso and embedded solidly in the steel backdrop
behind. I carefully grasped it and gave it a tug, to no avail.
Shit, Rei, you sure put this in here good, I said silently, pulling harder on the shaft. The spiraled design of
the Spear lent itself to being grasped fairly easily, and hard to let slip.
All at once, it finally came free; I staggered back three or four Eva-steps and landed on my (its) behind in
the LCL pool. As I cleared the shooting stars from my vision, I looked back at Lilith to see the wounds vanished,
and that her legs - which had been severed above the knees, eerily containing dozens of half-formed humanoid
shapes in the stumps - had reformed all the way down once again, the stumps' deformities looking like insane
amounts of scar tissue about the upper thighs.
I had no desire to stay there any longer than I needed to; the whole place was creepy and, to be quite
honest, frightened me. Making sure I still had the Spear, I waded back to the crane cable, hooked on, and gave
the signal to be brought back up.
Again, the trip through the shaft was all but maddening. I busied myself by formulating the plan of action:
Get to the launch cage, take the Spear up to Rei, let her throw the ultimate javelin shot of all time. While I go get
ready to grab Asuka.
I wondered if Kaworu had been the one causing the beam to lose its strength. It certainly seemed that
way, or perhaps my impression of his gaze at me on the descent was wrong. In any case, it'd be over soon, and
maybe if I felt differently later on, I could approach him and ask.
When comms returned, Asuka's whimpering was gone. I took that to mean that someone had finally cut
off her sound, but then another high-pitched, keen cry could be heard, on a much softer level.
"Unit 03!" Gendo roared. "Launch immediately!"
I patched into the video feeds and stared in dumbfounded shock for a moment, as the crane brought me
up the last couple of levels. 02 was sprawled, laid out on its full length, well clear of the shaft of light. However,
Zero was presently within the disc of illumination, face-down, obviously having body-checked Nigouki free and
clear.
Fuck! "Rei?.."
"Hurry, Jill!" Misato shouted. "Get to any of the catapults! Now!"
I strode swiftly to the nearest lift and latched in, barely getting it done before they fired me off. Gendo
was plainly panicked, and I would've likely been shitting myself too if the plugsuits weren't so form-fitting.
Evidently, Rei had knocked Asuka clear of the beam, obviously without asking for permission first.
Wait, I thought as the catapult came to a shuddering stop at the surface. If Asuka is hurting, and Rei is
down for the count too, who's gonna throw this stupid thing?
"Quickly," Ikari demanded. "End this now! Strike down the Angel."
I stared at the target blip, barely a dot on my display. "I can't! I'm not qualified--"
"You are an Eva pilot," Ikari said, barely keeping his voice from screaming. "Do your job!"
"Uploading target coordinates," someone said a few seconds later. I had reluctantly moved forward to a
position where I'd have a good run, and enough room to launch the Spear like a javelin.
"All you need to do is aim and throw, Jill," Misato said. "Piece of cake."
Yeah. Says you. I only get one shot at this, period.
"Do you copy, Jill?"
"Copied," I finally said aloud, and braced myself, ready to launch.
"Three.. two.. one.. launch!"
As I began my run, I felt something change and realized the two-pronged Spear had merged itself into
one single pointed shaft, just as I'd expected.
There was no more time to think of anything else, as the Spear left my (Eva's) hands and arced off into
the sky, splitting the clouds and vanishing at a rate that even surprised me.
"Time to contact with the target's AT field is 15 seconds," Hyuga said, and voiced the countdown from
that point. "Ten, nine, eight.."
I turned my attention to Nigouki, which was almost at my feet. Whatever the Spear was going to do, it
was done; I had no control over it any more. But I could probably do something for Asuka.
I crouched at the collapsed Eva and made sure it was turned over, so that the entry plug could be
ejected. I wanted to bark out orders to the command room, to help me get Asuka out, or at least call out to her
directly and let her know I was there, but everyone was still fixated on the Spear's path.
Momentarily, a flash of light high in the sky and the cessation of the beam from above let me know the
Spear had done its job. Instead of cheers, a collective sigh emanated over the comm link.
"Unit 03, move Unit 02 to a recovery point immediately," Ritsuko said when she realized what I was
doing.
"And then check on Unit 00," Ikari cut in before I could reply.
"Acknowledged," I told them both. "Asuka? Can you hear me?"
"Pilot is alive," Maya spoke up. "But I'm unsure of her consciousness."
"Just get her to the recovery system, Jill," Dr. Akagi said.
I did so, and watched the Eva descend on the hydraulic platform; then, leaping the new gaping hole in
the street, I dashed over to Rei.
"Ayanami, talk to me," I called out, again crouching before the biomech. "Are you okay?"
"I will.." she said in a weak, trembling voice. "I.."
"Take it easy," I ordered. "I'm going to move you to a recovery point."
"I can stand," she insisted, using my Eva as a platform to pull herself up by.
"Don't overexert yourself," I warned her, helping the biomech up. "The recovery point is two blocks down
and one over."
"I can make it," I was told, and 00 took a first, tentative, hesitating step, then another, and another, and
shuffled slowly to the pad. It was like watching a stroke patient trying to force their body to move.
I secured our comms from outside monitoring before I continued. "Rei, what happened up here while I
was gone? Did you..?"
"I wanted to show her.. that I am not a doll who just follows orders," she struggled to say.
I was speechless for a second. Then, I finally, simply, said, "Thank you, Rei. For being probably the
bravest of all of us."
She didn't say anything more as the lift descended, swallowing the Eva into the Geofront.
The very first thing I did after changing was seek out Asuka.
She was being held in the medical center, under some ridiculous 'quarantine' edict. When I got there,
she was sitting on the edge of a bed, wearing a hospital gown, with her hair down - the neuroclips nowhere in
sight, either confiscated or discarded.
I hesitated, looking at her thousand-yard stare, directed mainly at the floor. Occasionally, she'd shiver or
tremble, and then rub her hands over her arms, clutching them tight against her body.
Finally, I decided I had to go in. I pushed the room door open, and she jerked her head up at the sound.
"Asuka.." I said quietly. "How are you feeling?"
"I.. don't know," she responded, turning to look at infinity again. "The Angel.. it was in my mind. It was in
my fucking mind, Jill."
"I know," I said, trying to sound comforting. I kept slowly approaching, ready to stop if she showed signs
of reacting poorly to it.
"You can't possibly know," came the flat response. "It touched me. It violated my mind."
I got all the way to the bed and stood beside her. "That's true," I told her. "I can't know. But it's over now.
It can't do that to you ever again. I saw to that."
"I can't believe I couldn't do anything," Asuka said with a frown. "I couldn't even fight!"
"No one would have been able to do anything in that situation," I said. "I wanted to come help you
sooner, but they wouldn't let me."
"Arschloches," she cursed.
"I know," I said, just to agree with her. "This may not be what you want to hear right now, but you couldn't
have defeated the thing anyway. None of the guns had any effect. It was too far out."
"So.. what did you do?" she said.
"They sent me to get the Spear of Longinus," I told her. "It's an artifact that was being kept downstairs. It
supposedly can defeat any AT Field, and anything that's behind it. And.. well, it worked this time."
"Why wasn't I given it in the first place?" she spat out venomously.
"Well, there's only one, and.. in using it, we might have pissed off the big guys," I said, making
assumptions based on my foreknowledge. "Gendo Ikari's bosses, that is. If I'm right, the Spear is in lunar orbit
now, and can't be retrieved."
"Whatever," she finally said. "At least it wasn't Miss Perfect that defeated the Angel. I couldn't live with
that."
I hesitated before answering, concerned with the amount of hate I detected in that last declaration.
"Actually, Asuka.. she did play a role.. after failing to shoot down the Angel with the positron rifle, she was
supposed to stand by and cover you while I retrieved the Spear, then she was going to throw it. Instead, by the
time I got back topside, she'd knocked you clear of the Angel's beam."
"Great. Just fucking great," Asuka murmured.
"I don't think you get it," I said, trying not to seethe with anger. "She disobeyed orders given to all of us to
not make contact with you, for fear of contaminating more of us or more Evas. And she put herself right in the
path of the same torment that you were going through. To stop you from suffering."
Asuka had nothing to say to that. She bit her lip in a vain attempt to keep it from quivering.
"You talk about not wanting to be helped by anyone else, but you insist on going out on point instead of
taking the backup role. Well, that's the purpose of backup - to be there when you need it. It's not a sign of
weakness that you needed help. No one could have stood up against that Angel. I'm sure if I'd been in your
place, I would have fared far worse than you. I'm not as strong as you are, as steel-willed. But you have to leave
a place in that steel will for others to help shore it up when it gets threatened. Rei did what she did because she
knew it was the right thing to do."
I stood and watched Asuka tremble for a moment, and was worried that some after-effect of the probe of
her mind was causing a seizure. Then, I realized, she was wracking herself with silent sobs.
"Asuka.." I said.
"Go," she blurted out, tears running down her face. "Get out."
"Don't be like--"
"It's not that," she said. "I'm not. Leave me alone. Just go."
It was hardly a coherent explanation, but the optimist in me wanted to believe she just wanted time by
herself to cope with the gravity of what I'd told her. I squeezed her shoulder in a friendly, comforting gesture,
then walked back to the door.
"One more thing before I go," I said, expecting a protest and getting none. "Shinji was begging to be sent
up to help you. He was beside himself, being kept under lockdown by his father. He feels really bad he wasn't
able to assist." I got that much from him in passing, on the way to the changerooms. "He wants to know how
you're doing. Can I send him by later?"
Barely holding back from bursting out in all-out bawling, Asuka shook her head, hair whipping back and
forth a couple of times. She kept her face hidden from view and huddled up on the bed.
"All right," I said. "Get some rest, Asuka." I turned and unlatched the door, edging out.
"Jill," came a distraught, choked plea.
"Yes?" I turned back to her.
She still wouldn't look at me. "T-tell him... later on."
I couldn't find it in me to smile, even though I was pleased. "Okay, Asuka. Will do."
With that, I left the room, and had enough self-restraint to not sprint away until I was all the way down
the corridor. I didn't want to be there when the wailing started.
Days passed, in which I mainly went to school and went through the motions of life. Asuka didn't attend,
which depressed me. I thought I got through to her, I mused at one point. Evidently not enough.
Shinji wasn't present, either, though I wondered how he managed to do that under Misato's watchful eye.
Maybe her eye isn't so watchful these days, I realized. Kaji's demise and her probable investigations into the
secrets of NERV and all that have likely got all her attention.
One thing I did do was confront Kaworu once more.
"I haven't seen Shinji in a couple of days," he said without preamble one day. "Is he all right, do you
know?"
"Far as I know, he's been staying home," I replied. "Why don't you go over there yourself?"
"I would not want to cause friction between him and his guardian," Kaworu said. "I get the feeling she
does not like me."
"She's wary of you," I told him, "and I expect with good reason."
"Because of what I said to Shinji?"
This was news to me; I hadn't even contemplated the thought that Kaworu could have been building a
relationship with the Third Child all this time. Because it was out of my earshot, so to speak, I didn't even
entertain the possibility that it was happening.
"I don't know about that," I said. "If I had to guess, though, I'd wager that your published history, or lack
thereof, is the lion's share of it. The rest probably has to do with the kind of role you seem to be playing in Angel
attacks."
"So.. you did notice. I do believe you are the only Lilim who did."
I whirled on him and glared, looking straight into a serious, firm expression. Luckily, we were on the
school roof, far from any others.
"So if you have that kind of influence over the other Angels, why didn't you just stop the attack
completely?! Why does my friend have to suffer??"
"I did what I could," he said, "and I will ask you again not to call me an Angel, for I am not--"
"But you are!!" I railed. "You're one of them!--"
"I am born of Adam, as are the Angels, it's true," he growled. "But you and your kind put a negative
connotation on the word 'Angel'. You use it derogatorily, as a slur. I don't appreciate the comparison, and I am
not like them."
"What, so you're on our side?" I said sarcastically, hands on hips.
"The line between 'sides' is too blurred to make a distinction any more," he answered me, almost
cryptically. Turning away, he added, "Regardless, I will not be a party to this argument any longer."
I stood and stared for a moment, needing time to comprehend that Kaworu was walking away, and
basically telling me our interactions were over - for good. "I.. I'm watching you, Nagisa!" I shouted after him.
"I expect nothing less," he responded softly, slipping inside the roof access door, back into the school.
Another surprise waited for me - literally - when I got home.
"Rei," I said in greeting, seeing her standing outside my apartment door.
"Jillian," she replied, nodding her head slightly. "I.. need to ask you some things."
"About what?" I hadn't seen her since the incident with the Angel, and wondered if she'd been affected
by it like Asuka had.
"I desire counsel," came the response.
"Coun..? Ohh," I said, nodding as I understood her meaning. "Sure, come on in."
She silently waited patiently as I unlocked the apartment, going inside and kicking off my shoes. I carried
on into the room while she doffed her own footwear. "Do you want something to drink?"
"I'm not thir.." she began, then reconsidered. "Water will be fine."
"Good," I smiled, pouring us each a glass and setting them on the table, sitting down. "How are you
doing?"
"I am not sure," Ayanami replied, looking at the drink placed before her. Had I been more observant, I
would have realized it was more that she was focused on a rehearsed speech of sorts. "The contact with the
Angel.."
"Yes," I said, as she trailed off. "I heard what that was like. I'm sorry. But I thank you for doing what you
did."
She stared at me for a moment. "Thank you," she murmured, in a tone so low that the only reason I
knew was because her lips moved. It wasn't a response to me; it was her exploring the phrase and trying to
comprehend it.
"You don't hear that often, huh?" I guessed.
"It's the second time this week," she acknowledged with a nod. "It's unusual for me to receive praise."
"Commander Ikari never thanks you?" I asked, suspecting I knew the answer already.
Rei shook her head. "His thoughts are solely on his goals."
I sighed, leaning back and sipping some water while I considered what to say next. It occurred to me that
Rei was like a child with no upbringing; her childhood was nonexistent, and she didn't know how to respond to a
lot of things in life.
"He disciplined me today."
My head snapped back to attention and focused on her. "He what?"
"Commander Ikari was very unhappy with the risk I took on the battlefield," she explained, again focused
on her as-yet-untouched glass. "He--"
"What did he do to you?" I said with a panicked voice.
She looked across to me. "Verbal discipline," she replied.
My shoulders sagged in relief. "Oh," I said. "So you got a scolding?"
She nodded after a moment.
I sighed. "Good. So he didn't hit you."
"No, not today."
That particular answer made me cringe, but Rei was already moving on with another topic.
"Did you say something to Asuka?"
"What?" I asked. "Actually, yes. Why do you ask?"
Rei responded, in typical fashion, without preamble. "When we were in the hospital together, she asked
me to come see her."
My curiosity was piqued. "Oh?"
Rei nodded. I leaned forward to urge her on. "You did, I hope."
Once more, she replied with an affirmation. "She thanked me for my actions.. I think."
"You think?"
"Her words spoke to the effectiveness of our combined efforts, but I could tell there was an underlying
meaning. As well, there is the fact that she asked for me at all."
"True enough," I nodded. "Did you talk about anything else?"
"She warned me not to say 'I told you so'."
I couldn't help but smirk - okay, giggle - at that one. "Did you want to?" I asked.
Rei paused for a moment. "On some level," she acknowledged.
"I'm sure," I told her. After a pause of my own, I added, "Did you talk about the Angel encounter itself?"
"No," she said. "I didn't want to bring it up. I saw how she reacted to Shinji."
"Shinji?" I asked. "What do you mean?"
"Apparently she said some things to him while in quarantine outside. She asked me to tell him she was
sorry."
"Really?" I asked. Did that mean she hadn't let him come see her in the hospital after all? Or maybe he
hadn't gone?
"I haven't seen him yet," Rei said. I realized there was a tone of worry in her voice.
"Well, it's not like he's run away again, I'm sure," I said dismissively, hoping I was right. "We'd hear about
it if that was the case. Right?"
"True," she admitted.
"Do you want to talk about the Angel encounter?" I asked her, getting back to the topic I was curious
about.
"There's little to discuss," she said. I got the impression she would have shrugged if she'd been prone to
that kind of expression.
"So you didn't have the same kind of intrusive experience that Asuka did?" I prodded, feeling guilty for
insisting on more information, but desperately wanting to know. "What happened?"
Rei studied the still-full water glass. "We communicated."
"'We'? You and the Angel?"
"Yes."
"About what?" I asked.
"Emotions.. sadness.. loneliness.." Rei trailed off, then seemed to snap back into focus. "Humanity."
I didn't know what to say now that she'd provided me with what I'd been asking to hear. "Are you okay
with what you.. communicated?"
"I will be all right," came the reply. "And I know you are willing to help if I need it. I just don't at this time."
"Okay," I nodded. Coming from anyone else, that might have been a snide comment, but from Rei, it was
simply the truth.
Finally she focused one more time on the glass of water, blinking as if realizing it was there for the first
time. She picked it up and started drinking it, not stopping until it was gone.
All the while, her free hand was clenching and unclenching while resting on the table. A sudden
realization hit me, and I don't know if I was right or wrong, but I suspected that she was feeling like she was in
unfamiliar territory. I'd rarely seen Rei snack or eat at all, other than when necessary. Drinking socially, even if a
simple glass of water, was probably an alien concept to her. In fact, it was probably something she only did when
taking her medications - explaining the hand reaching for something that wasn't there.
"Have you seen Asuka since the hospital?" I asked, trying to keep the conversation going.
"No," Rei said, shaking her head. "She hasn't been to school?"
"Nope." I was quickly coming to a dead end for topics, or even things to say about the subject at hand.
"She will surface somewhere," Rei said. "I trust you have searched in places she would normally be."
"Yeah," I said. I hadn't dared to go next door, with Misato's state in mind, but I was reasonably certain
Asuka hadn't been there - I would have heard her and Shinji going at it, I suspected.
"I should go," Rei suddenly said, standing up. I stood too, realizing how long we'd been talking.
"You don't have to," I said. "But thanks for stopping by in any case."
"You're welcome," Rei said after a pause. "And thank you."
I grinned. "No problem, Rei. Any time."
After she left, I threw myself on the bed in what had become my 'thinking position'; lying on top of the
covers, flat on my back, hands clasped behind my head, staring at the ceiling.
Why is everyone coming to me? I asked myself. Now I'm expecting Shinji to stop by asking for advice on
dealing with Asuka. Or Misato to seek my opinion on the secrets she's surely uncovered by now.
I evidently had overstayed my welcome in the waking world without knowing it. Despite the fact it was
still just around suppertime, I drifted off to sleep fairly swiftly.
When I woke back up, it was dark, and I could hear rain drumming on the windows. I debated for a while
on whether or not I should bother getting up, but once I heard the familiar voices next door, the answer was
decided for me.
I threw on a T-shirt and shorts (not feeling up to a skirt in the bad weather), and darted out to knock on
the neighboring door.
Misato opened the door and smiled warmly, rosy cheeks betraying her state of sobriety. "Evenin'," she
said. "You're up late."
"I thought I heard Shinji and Asuka," I said.
"Oh yeah. They're up watchin' a movie or somethin'. Come on in."
I did as invited, going into the living room to find the two of them, and Pen 2, lounging about, with a video
game playing on the TV screen. Asuka had the single controller for the moment, and Shinji was watching with
mild interest.
"Hello," I announced myself.
"Oh!" Shinji said, sitting up straight from his haphazard pose across the couch. "S-sorry."
"Hey," Asuka replied, concentrating more on the game than me.
"Haven't seen you guys for a few days," I said, sitting on the vacated spot on the couch.
"Haven't felt like coming to school," Asuka mumbled.
"I, uh.." Shinji seemed concerned that Misato would overhear, and lowered his voice. "Me too."
"Why?" I asked him. Absentmindedly, I found myself skritching the back of the penguin's head, as it had
wandered over to see if its regular food source had brought anything this time.
"I don't know," Shinji shrugged. "Seems like there's no point."
"I don't know about that," I countered. "Even if the course material sucks."
"Other things have been on my mind," Shinji insisted, and I caught him taking a longer-than-usual look at
Asuka.
"Ohhh," I said knowingly. Changing gears, or at least giving the illusion of doing so, I asked Asuka, "So,
how're you feeling?"
"Meh," Asuka said, shrugging her shoulders with her response. "I'll survive."
"Good to hear," I smiled.
"If you say so."
I was about to rebut that when Asuka went on: "How about you tell Shinji how to build up a backbone
and demand that his dad let him fight?"
I blinked, caught off guard by the comment. "Uh.. what?"
"I felt so.. useless," Shinji murmured beside me, looking at his hands. "During that last battle, I mean.
Father wouldn't let me go out into the field."
"I hear you, but he had a good reason," I tried to protest. "He didn't want you or Eva 01 to--"
"Pfft," Asuka scoffed, interrupting. "Ayanami intervened, and she's okay. Well, as okay as she usually is."
"He's worried about the Eva, isn't he? Not me," Shinji wondered aloud. "He's concerned for--"
"Unfortunately.. yes," I replied. "Far as I can tell."
"Since when did you become the expert on all things Eva?" Asuka said, still playing the game.
"You can observe a lot just by watching," I told her, invoking an old favorite quote of mine.
Shinji eyed me with an unusual expression. It took me a minute to realize he was trying to get me to say
something more to Asuka. A silent shrug from me brought a muted nod of the head (towards Asuka) from him, in
a preposterous version of charades. It wasn't until he finally mouthed the word 'mom' that I got what he was
getting at.
"Uhhhh," I said, unsure of how to breach the subject to Asuka. "Have you given any thought to what Rei
said about your Eva?"
"What?" Asuka shot back, not quite with a snarl, but getting closer.
"She told me what she said to you in the elevator, before the Angel fight," I said. "About opening yourself
up to the Eva."
Asuka was going to scoff and dismiss it; I could see it in her body language. But her shoulders sagged
and she sighed. "No. I haven't," was her only reply.
"You might want to give it some thought," I said. "Remember what I said in the hospital.. that applies just
as well to the Eva as it does your friends."
"Mm," she said, clearly not wanting to get into it, especially to think about the ramifications of what I was
saying.
I relented, shrugging towards Shinji apologetically. "It's late," I said. "I should get home." After I stood up,
I asked, "Will I see you two in school tomorrow?"
"Maybe," came Asuka's curt response. Shinji simply shrugged.
"All right," I said. "Well, if I see you, I'll see you then. Have a good night."
I let myself out without any further interaction; Misato was gone, evidently having slipped into her room
to slide into unconsciousness. I went back to my own bed and resumed the 'thinking pose' again, far too rested
to need more sleep.
I spent the first few minutes berating myself for being unable, or unwilling, to out-and-out suggest to
Asuka that someone she knew could be in her Eva with her. I was uncomfortable with the whole idea of doing
that. First, it would probably bring up bad memories of her mother, and come across as an insult to the latter's
memory. Second, even that big of a hint might not be enough; only an outright declaration might get through to
her.
So why not do that? I asked myself. You do want to do something about it, don't you?
I was pissed off with myself for getting down this mental pathway again. Shut up, I said. I'm not here for
any specific reason, or to change anything. I'm just here because.. I got this life because Kaworu was feeling
benevolent when he awakened.
So if you intend to do nothing, and just waste this life going through the motions, why live it at all?
That last bit shocked me, to the point of literally jumping up out of bed and crouching down in the corner.
Was I really thinking of suicide with that mental remark? Or was it my mind trying to spur me into action?
I was too freaked out to do much of anything for a long time. I sat there in the corner, trembling, hugging
my knees to my chest, until I felt my legs go to sleep. When that happened, I snapped back to reality, and
dragged myself out into a stretched-out position, lying there on the floor, of all places, until my limbs came back
to life.
I don't remember what I thought about while I was quivering in the corner. All I know is, while I lay there
on the floor, waiting for my legs to get their strength back, one thought was running through my head.
The beauty of it is that I have the ability to choose.
Come the next fight, I was going to stand up and do something. My actions would make a difference.
My memory of the timeline of events had failed me; I forgot how close 'the next fight' actually was.
It was the next day, in the mid-morning, when the sirens blared and my phone summoned me to HQ.
Neither Shinji nor Asuka had attended, despite my attempt at getting them to commit to. So, again, Kaworu and I
ran the distance to NERV's aboveground entrance.
The white-light halo in the distance as we ran gave me no misconceptions about what was waiting for
us. Now more than ever before, my making a difference - doing something - would be vital; possibly the
difference between life and death.
I held the elevator for Kaworu as I'd reached it first. He was mildly surprised, but boarded it with me. We
stood in silence for a few moments, until I made this simple declaration:
"No one is going to die today, Nagisa."
"Every time these battles happen, someone dies," was his answer. Clearly he was referring to the
Angels we fought.
"Listen to me," I bit out through clenched teeth. "Whether I do something about it or you do, there will be
no casualties among the Eva pilots. Is that clear?"
"You sound as if you expect something to happen," he said, evading my question.
"It better not," I grunted. "If you allow it to, you'll wish that Shinji gets to you first and not me."
"I don't understand what you're saying," he said evenly, still facing forward in the lift as he had been all
along. "But we will all do what needs to be done.. and what we see as the right thing to do."
I muttered a curse under my breath at him, as we went our separate ways once the elevator stopped.
Chapter Twenty-One: Catastrophe
"Okay, here's the game plan," Misato was saying hurriedly when my Eva got linked to the comm net.
"Unit Zero will deploy topside at route 32, with the positron gun. Unit 03 will back her up. Unit 02, you will be on
standby in the launch system. And Unit 01 is still on quarantine."
"Roger," Shinji mumbled dejectedly, overlapping with Rei's quiet acknowledgment.
"Got it," I said with determination, urging the biomech to proceed to the launch rails so I could be sent to
the surface.
"Don't make me come up there," Asuka cracked, faking a yawn. "I don't wanna have to clean up your
mess."
"Sorry to disturb you," I quipped back. "Go back to sleep. We'll take care of this."
I had every intent of handling the situation, using any means necessary, but I had no idea how things
were going to go, and felt quite uneasy. No; uneasy wasn't the word for it. I don't know what to call it, but
something definitely felt wrong.
Maybe it would help to have a game plan, I thought as the launch system shot me up towards the
surface. Do I find a way to defeat the Angel, or is there another way to go about this so that everyone comes
home tonight?
Rei was getting set up by the time I got topside and was released from the launch rails. My first plan was
to not activate my AT Field unless it was absolutely necessary. From what I remembered, this Angel could sense
them, and came running over (so to speak) the moment it detected one. I had no desire to be the one to draw
the Angel in and start things, so I hunkered down and waited.
I took stock of my armaments while I was sitting there. I had a pallet gun at my disposal, but I doubted
that it'd have any effect on the Angel. My prog knife was stowed in the shoulder pylon, so that would be probably
the best course of action.
The being continued to rotate in place, some miles away, not yet having changed to its 'energy rope'
form. Just as well, I told myself. Controls seem sluggish today. Don't fight me, San; of all the times I need you to
do what I tell you to, today is the day.
"Eva 03 in position," I declared, moments after Rei announced the same status for herself.
"Hold position and observe for now," Misato said, with an uncertain tone in her voice. "We need to figure
out exactly what this one is capable of."
"It's too late," Rei responded, saying the words that would fill me with fear. "It's coming."
The helical form brightened, or appeared to; in actual fact, the two intertwined lines were merging to form
the 'energy rope'. The circular halo snapped in one place with an eerie, audible 'pop', and shot towards us with
incredible speed, writhing serpent-like as it approached.
It took all my will to keep my AT Field undeployed; that was the only thing keeping me from getting
contaminated, just like 00 was on my monitors, with the energy rope lancing through her. I felt awful being safe,
relatively speaking, and watching Rei come to harm. I didn't know what else to do, though.
Fuck that noise. You said you were going to make a difference. Do it.
"Do what??" I muttered to myself, hunkering down over the controls, frowning at the scene before me.
Rei emptied her cannon's entire charge into the Angel, having no effect whatsoever.
I had an idea. Rei saved Asuka from the previous Angel by knocking her clear from the attacker's field of
fire, so to speak. That was my solution. I didn't know how to defeat the Angel - it would be consumed in the core
collapse and explosion, as far as I knew. Yeah. Getting Rei free of this thing is priority one. Figuring out what to
do with it can come later.
Ignoring my AT Field for the moment, intent on not getting attacked by the Angel, I rushed forward and
commanded the Eva to reach out and grab the loose end of the energy tendril.
Actually, that's what I tried to do. I got no further than pushing the controls. Imagine stomping on the
pedals of a car that's shut off. That's how successful I was in getting the Eva to move.
What the..? I wondered. Had it shut down without me knowing? No, impossible; it had an S 2 organ! I
couldn't lose power even if I wanted to. So what was going on?
"Unit 03! Spread your AT Field and go to Zero's defense!" Misato belted out.
Move!! I urged the Eva. To my utter shock, sending an icicle of nitrogen into my gut, I realized the Eva
was still giving me feedback - and it was patently refusing to function. I had no control! The Eva - no, Sangouki had turned me away, in my time of need.
"Come on!!" I shrieked, jerking at the controls, wrenching them back and forth, with no results.
"It's no use!" I heard Maya distantly, over the comm link. "Her sync ratio is under 10 percent! The Eva's
rejecting her!"
No fucking way! I railed to myself, shaking my head back and forth, hair whipping from side to side. This
can't be happening! San! Please!
I would have had more success willing a building to take a step.
"Quickly! Recover her via path 28!" Misato ordered. I had time to try one last shove at the controls before
I felt the launch rails reconnect and pull me beneath the surface.
"No," I cried, hunched over, face in my gloved hands, as the Eva began its descent into the Geofront.
Peripherally, I was aware of the order to launch 02 and the subsequent shudder as Asuka was shot toward the
battle.
And all the time, while I was hysterical about my own situation to the point of being incoherent, Rei was
undergoing the trauma of direct contact with the Angel. I wouldn't realize that until later, and felt even worse
once it occurred to me. At the time, though, I was screaming and bawling, pounding the center console of
Sangouki's entry plug, pleading to know why it'd betrayed me.
Asuka reached the surface, eager to do battle. I was somewhat cognizant of what was going on by this
point, and tried to tell them how to go after the Angel. The problem was, while my mind was clearing, my
emotions and the ability to communicate were still taking a holiday - all that came out was frenzied blubbering.
"I've got this handled," Asuka said, with a confident tone. She spread her AT field, of course, and
immediately was rushed by the attacker. Now there were two Evas pierced by the beam, and two voices
whimpering and moaning on the comm channel. Three, if you count me.
"Asuka!" Misato yelled.
"I've.. got.. it," she grunted, in between whines. An inhuman shriek was heard, and I realized it was the
Angel reacting to being damaged. Asuka must have slashed at it with her knife.
"Pilot life signs dropping!" someone called out. It was Rei they were talking about - I could hear it in her
keening cry, which was getting weaker by the minute.
"Asuka! Cut it all the way through," ordered Misato.
"I'm trying," Asuka shot back. "Ach - what the f..?"
Asuka was obviously being affected by the energy rope at that point. She howled in protest and began
cursing, in German, of course, about 'these things' and pleading for Misato's help. I had visions of little heads
forming on her hands, as I remembered happening to Shinji.
But Shinji hadn't come out to play yet. What I remembered was irrelevant; the pieces were laid out
differently on the board. Things were going to play out in another way.
Says you, you useless fuck, I chastised myself. Rei got infected, an Eva stopped functioning, and the
third got infected trying to help Rei out. Strike three.
I wasn't keeping track of the fact that we were getting four pitches this time around.
"As of this moment, I declare the quarantine lifted on Unit 01," Gendo Ikari intoned over the comm
channel plainly, like he was declaring that it was Bring Your Penguin To Work Day. "Sortie it immediately."
By this time, I was on the floor of the launch system; and by that I mean 03 was once again standing at
the base of the maze of launch shafts. I, personally, was curled up in a ball inside the entry plug, sobbing
occasionally. I couldn't bear to watch the screens, and I didn't know if there was anything to see on them even if I
had looked up.
Why did you do this, Sangouki? I tried to 'think' to the Eva. I could have done something. I could have
made a difference! Now Rei is going to die.. and I couldn't even lift a finger to help her.
There was no response at all. The entry plug was, for all intents and purposes, inert.
"Asuka!" I heard Shinji call out, and presumed he'd made it to the surface. "Try to pull it free of her!"
"Dummkopf!" Asuka snapped back. "Don't you think I've tried that?!"
"Try the pallet gun," Misato urged, and I saw a building-sized storage locker in my mind's eye, folding its
accordion-style wall to reveal the rifle to Eva 01. I heard several shots, and then a horrendous sound. "N-no
effect!" Shinji stammered. "And it destroyed it! Aaugh!"
"Shinji!" Misato yelled. Someone else reported Eva 00 at 8% contamination, and began to say
something about 02, but was cut off.
"Switch Unit 03 to the dummy system," Gendo intoned.
"Sir?!"
"Do it! Now!"
Oh, shit, I said to myself, trembling. San, if you're there - if you're listening, please, God, I beg of you
please, give me back control before they do this. I nudged the controls even as I heard the disk drive in the entry
plug pedestal begin to spool up. "Dammit, c'mon, San!"
There was no response, but then again, there was no reaction to the dummy program, either, at least, as
far as I could tell.
My suspicions were confirmed a few seconds later. "No good!" Ritsuko hollered. "It's rejected the dummy
signal as well!"
"What?!" Fuyutsuki thundered. Gendo remained silent, surely considering his options. Finally, he spoke.
"Return 03 to the Cage," he declared. "Prepare to rewrite the control program for the Fifth Child."
"Yes, sir," Misato said reluctantly.
No!! I cried out. Dammit! I punctuated my internal railing with a punch to the console; not meant as a
punitive blow to the Eva, but more to expend the bottled-up energy within me. Hysteria and inconsolation was
departing, and leaving rage in their place. I was almost lost at that point.
"Major!" Hyuga said, as I felt the launch pad lurch its way into motion, back towards the Cages. "We've
got a problem. Unable to locate the Fifth Child!"
"What??" Misato gasped. "Wasn't he on standby in the Cages?"
"Was," Hyuga agreed. "Current location unknown!"
What??! I echoed Misato's disbelieving query. I looked up at the screens, as if I would see him on one of
them, but all I saw was the surroundings of the path from the Cages to the launch rail system. I scanned around,
turning around in the seat to look at all the monitors, but he wasn't in sight.
"Begin a search!" Misato ordered.
"Shinji. Listen to me," I heard Gendo say, flatly and calmly.
"F-father," Shinji stuttered in return.
"Shinji, Evangelion Unit 01 cannot be contaminated by an Angel. We cannot allow this to happen."
"I'm - I'm trying, Fath--"
"I need you to retreat, Shinji."
There was a protracted silence on the comm channel; the proverbial pin-drop moment. "B-but my friends
are--"
"Pilot Ikari," Gendo stressed. "I am ordering you to retreat. Break off combat and move to a recovery
point at once."
"Commander!" Misato protested, subsequently ignored by the elder Ikari.
"No, Father! I can't leave them--"
"You can and you will!" Ikari said, raising his voice to a sharp snarl by the end of the sentence.
"Shinji, we can beat this thing!" Asuka said. Had I been in better spirits, I would have marveled at her use
of the word 'we', instead of 'I'. "Ignore him and help me slice--"
"Audio off from Unit 02," Gendo ordered curtly. "Unit 01! Return! Now!"
"Sir!" Aoba called out. "The Angel! It's--"
"It's what?" Gendo snapped as the tech trailed off. "Report!"
"It's.. receding.. dwindling.." Aoba said, then blinked. "It's gone."
"Gone?!" Fuyutsuki said with incredulity. "Where did it go?"
Check Rei's AT Field, I wanted to demand of Ritsuko, but I was locked out of transmitting by then - even
if I could have made myself coherent enough to be understood.
"Unsure, sir," Hyuga chimed in. "Its signal strength was dropping steadily for a moment or two, and then
it just.. disappeared!"
"Status of the Evas and pilots," Misato urged.
Maya drummed away on her keyboard for a split second. "All are accounted for and in nominal condition,
except for Unit 03 which appears to be dormant. Life signs on all pilots returning to normal."
"Bio-contamination?" Ritsuko wanted to know.
"Reversed," came the reply. "The Evas are reclaiming the infected tissue and repairing it. In time, we
won't even be able to tell they were ever harmed."
"Roll call," Misato demanded. "Unit 00, report in."
"I am.. recovering," Rei managed weakly.
"Unit 01."
"I'm here," Shinji said uneasily, surely still upset with his father's demands.
"Unit 02."
There was a pause. "Sorry, Major. Comms restored. Try again," Hyuga said.
"Unit 02?"
"Present and accounted for!" Asuka chirped. "Thanks for taking the muzzle back off, Misato--"
"Enough, Asuka. Unit 03."
"I - I'm here," I replied, trying not to sound like I was still crying. I wasn't; but I didn't know how to feel. I
was confused and angry and blindsided and bewildered and shocked all at once, plus a host of other emotions I
couldn't catalog at the moment.
"Fifth Child, report in."
"Still no signs of him, Major," another tech answered.
"Can any of you see Kaworu?" Misato said with a sigh.
A cluster of negative responses that in no way resembled a chorus came across the link. Just to be
thorough, I looked around again, also answering with a no once my scan proved fruitless.
"Begin a complete security sweep now," Misato ordered. "Effective now and until he is found, he is to be
categorized as missing in action. All of you, return to the Cages. Doctor, I'm sure you'll want Zero, One, and Two
to undergo quarantine and evaluation?"
"Yes," agreed Ritsuko. "And Unit 03 as well. Until we figure out why the Eva rejected the pilot, I want it
offline."
"I concur," Gendo said from on high. "Do your best to be quick about it, though."
They were talking about me as if I couldn't hear them. I relaxed my body and stretched out, exercising
the muscles that were aching from my fetal-ball position of the past hour or so. Actually, it was less than fifteen
minutes, but there was no telling my mind or body that.
I just wanted to go home and get.. no. I just wanted to go home, period. Everything was in shambles.
There was nothing I felt I could do or anyone could say that would sort me out.
It didn't dawn on me that I was behaving exactly as Asuka would have, had she been in my place.
Chapter Twenty-Two: Rock Bottom
The next thing I knew, I was waking up in a hospital room. I was confused, to say the least. I seemed to
be physically okay, as far as I could tell; however, I did have a pair of intravenous lines in me, and heart and
brain monitors.
It's a year ago all over again, my mind pointed out as I sat up.
Much sooner than in the hospital in Toronto, though, I was being visited by a white-coated guest. This
time, it was Dr. Ritsuko Akagi.
"Welcome back," she said, arriving at the foot of my bed.
"Wh.. what happened?" I asked.
She continued with her clinical tone, sounding almost disinterested. "You left your entry plug, speaking
nonsense, and collapsed soon after. It would appear to have been exhaustion, as far as we can tell. Since you
weren't contaminated by the Angel, we can rule that out."
"Uh.. I guess that's good," I mumbled.
"I'm not sure I agree," Dr. Akagi said. "The other pilots are recovering. As for you, I don't know what to
think. I was hoping you could shed some light on what happened."
"I thought you said it was exhau--"
"Before that," she cut me off. "I mean the problem with the Eva."
"Oh," I said, frowning as it came back to me, a lump forming in my gut. "It just.. refused to respond."
"The Evangelions don't just 'refuse to respond'," Dr. Akagi sneered. "There has to be a reason."
"I just tried to do it.. I tried to save Rei," I said, trying not to sound irritated. "It wouldn't go."
"I'm not sure there isn't more to this story," the doctor replied. "But we'll get back to that. I want to know
how you're doing."
I thought about it for a moment. "I'm a little upset," I replied honestly. "But I guess, all things considered,
I'm okay." As an afterthought, I added, "I can pilot. If the Eva will have me."
Akagi jotted things down all during my response. "Why did you get so upset when the Eva stopped
responding?"
"I.." I have to be careful here, that's what. "I was sure that something bad was going to happen if I didn't
get in there and help."
"What made this different than any other battle? And what about the other Evas that were ready to back
you up?"
I shrugged. "I don't know. I guess because Shogouki was still in quarantine, and Asuka was.."
"Asuka was what?" Akagi said as I trailed off.
"I just.. thought maybe she'd have issues too. She's been having a hard time lately, hasn't she?"
She looked like she wanted to frown, and avoided the question entirely. "I'm going to have to ask you to
stay here for 24 hours, so we ensure your vital signs are stabilized."
"All right," I said, trying not to sound disgusted with the idea of spending more of my existence in a
motorized, wheeled bed.
"I have to go check on the others. Try to get rest and don't worry about what happened. It'll all get sorted
out."
I nodded a response as she turned to go, not having waited for me to reply anyway. I wasn't looking
forward to being alone with my thoughts.
I tried to look at the good points. Everyone was reportedly okay, and Dr. Akagi had implied that I would
be back in the saddle ultimately. I guess that means Kaworu isn't going to replace me as pilot of 03.
Wait.. didn't Kaworu go missing just after things went all to hell? I couldn't remember all the details, but I
definitely heard them talk about him at some point.
I found myself left with no option but to go back over the events of the battle and dwell on it. I was sitting
in the Eva, trying to go after the Angel, to keep it from killing Rei, when the Eva shut down.
There's more to that story, I heard Ritsuko's words echo in my head. I knew that had to be true, but I had
no idea where to begin or what to look for. Why had Sangouki shut me out? What changed from the good,
symbiotic relationship we had before?
The whole situation got to me again at that point, and I started to cry. I retreated into a fetal ball again,
curled up on the bed, sobbing, and not knowing why. Everything had turned out okay, so it seemed. All of the
pilots were alive and well, and the Angel was gone. So why was I so distraught? Why did this feel so wrong?
I don't know how long I was in the pit of despair when I heard the door latch click as it opened once
more. I tried to regain my composure, but too soon, the visitor presented herself: This time, it was Rei Ayanami,
clad in white shirt and trousers. The Japanese equivalent to a hospital gown, I eventually would realize.
"Why are you crying?" Rei asked, looking somewhere between surprised and confused.
"I'm.." I began, then sniffled. "Sorry," I said. "I'm not taking my last performance very well."
"You're upset," she said, as if understanding. Then: "At yourself, or at Eva?"
"Wh-what?" I asked, still trying to get under control. "What do you mean?"
Rei looked at me for a long moment, with a look that almost could have been contempt, if I'd thought she
was capable of that great a range of emotion. "You know why the Eva didn't work for you."
"N-no," I said.
"You do. You just do not wish to accept it."
"What are you saying?"
"What were your intentions?"
I blinked, trying to figure out what she meant. She reiterated: "What did you plan to do?"
"I, uh, ..." I didn't know how to tell it to Rei. Eventually, plain-and-simple won out. "I was going to pull the
Angel free from you."
"You could not have done that."
"I could've tried," I countered.
"You did not undergo the bonding with the Angel," Rei said, eyes shimmering as she stared at me. "It
was not pleasant. You would have been incapacitated as we were."
"Well, I had to do something!" I said, slapping my hands on the bed in frustration. "I couldn't just let you
be a martyr--"
The room was silent as I realized what I'd said. Rei fixed her gaze on me for a long, long time, deathly
quiet, and then said, "How do you know what my intent was?"
Crap. There was no weaseling out of this one. "It was the most obvious option," I said, manufacturing an
excuse on the fly and hoping it didn't sound that way. "There was no core for us to breach, and it was fusing with
everything it touched.. there was no other way to defeat it."
Again Rei eyed me for several moments. "You did not want me to sacrifice myself."
"Hell no!" I barked. "Why would I?!"
She had no reply to that.
"Rei, your life is too valuable to just toss away. Don't be so cavalier with it. Fuck Gendo." No, scratch
that, my humorous side said, peeking out from its hiding place. "Even if you could be replaced, there are still
people here who care about you. And I'm sure you care about them, too--"
Rei was staring with surprise at me again. "How do you know that?" she asked.
I didn't even bother with an excuse this time. "I can't say. I just do."
Our firm, flat expressions stared off at one another for a few moments, until I ventured: "You are the
second, right?"
Rei gave a slow nod. "I am," she answered. Looking down at the floor, she seemed to gather her
thoughts. "Excuse me," she said, and swiftly left the room.
Great, I sighed to myself as I flopped back on the bed. I suppose that could have gone worse; she could
have brought a gun and shot me in the head or something.
I lay in bed for a long time, once again left to contemplate things. Everything was falling apart! The Eva
had given up on me, Rei was pissed with me, and I didn't even want to know what Asuka was going to say when
she showed up.
Rei seemed to have it in her head that I knew why San had forsaken me. I didn't, unless I was being
particularly obtuse. I couldn't figure it out. And I couldn't communicate with the Eva; it was a little harder than
asking 'Hey, what's got you down?' to Asuka. It was like trying to have a conversation with a tank.
I wished I had a clue. Did the Eva have some kind of pre-knowledge of what was to come, in some other
fashion than I, but with the same results? And if so, did it know that Rei was 'supposed' to die, and was angry
with me for trying to change things?
No. It didn't make sense, even if the Evangelions existed somewhat outside the realm of normal physics.
They weren't able to bridge spacetime, and they didn't have fortune-telling capabilities. It couldn't possibly know
that Rei should have died.
Unless it read my mind, I thought. That was one thing I knew the Eva could do; if not read minds, then at
least peer into them, picking up on the mood and behavior of the pilot. That was part of the whole concept of
synchronicity.
So what had I been thinking? What thoughts had betrayed me in those moments of need?
I closed my eyes and directed my focus inward, trying to remember the entire ordeal. I was still foggy
about some things, probably because of my hysterical response to the whole thing, but enough of the gist of it
was clear for me to piece things together.
My first sight upon the Angel's arrival was it piercing Zero's AT Field without any resistance whatsoever.
My thoughts at that point were of Rei and how she would be responding to the Angel's assault. I was also certain
I wouldn't set up my AT Field, so that I wouldn't be harmed. That was something I'd been drumming into my
head: AT Field equals contact with the Angel equals bad.
I remembered deciding, after a lot of consideration, to take on the Angel regardless, to save Rei from
certain death. I recalled thinking that there was no other way I could see to subdue the enemy, but that Rei
deserved at least an attempt by me to do something.
Then, I tried to 'do something', but it was all for naught.
I'm no further along than before, I sighed, rubbing my temples. Nothing stuck out in my mind that would
have caused San to shut down.
Part of me wanted to head directly to the entry plug and try to sync up again, and have a chat with the
being inside 03. Another part of me wanted to just curl up on the bed and forget about the whole thing, to walk
away, and live like a normal person again - and let the rest of them deal with SEELE and the Angels and Gendo
Ikari, without me.
The latter was much stronger than it'd ever been before, and that scared me.
My senses first came back to the sound of a ringing electronic bell. I was confused; obviously I'd fallen
asleep again, but what was that noise?
A Doppler-effect caused the pitch of the sound to change drastically. I looked around - not able to
remember having opened my eyes, actually - and saw the insides of a JR train car. The ringing sound, then, was
a crossing signal as we passed it.
What? How'd I get here?
The setting sun spilled in through the windows, but nothing else was visible. No one was in the car with
me, and I couldn't see into the other cars from where I was sitting.
"What's going on?" I asked myself rhetorically. There was, of course, no response. "Why am I here?
What happened?"
"You have become lost."
I was caught off-guard by Rei's voice. I blinked and there she was, sitting right across from me, hands
folded against her school uniform skirt, a mirror image of me in some respects. It was as if she'd been there all
along.
"I what? How?" I asked.
"Your concern for the outcome caused you to lose sight of the goal," Misato said, suddenly appearing to
my left, standing, holding onto a hanging strap. To say she appeared suddenly is a misnomer, though - she was
just there. It's hard to explain otherwise.
"The goal? Do you mean.. what do you mean?"
"You were so wrapped up in saving the First Child, you failed to see what the ramifications were to
yourself," Shinji said from his position beside Rei.
"I knew what I was getting into," I protested.
"Your actions may hasten the coming of the final Angel," Rei said.
"Why? Kaworu's here already. That's already said and done."
"His presence and his power are not causally connected," Misato said evenly.
I turned to her. "What are you saying? Something I did made him more powerful?"
"It is possible he may possess what is needed to initiate Third Impact now," Ryoji Kaji said, sitting
casually on the bench to the left of Rei.
"And I did that? How?" I retorted.
"Every action has consequences," Shinji contributed. "That's one of the certainties of this world."
"So I'm to blame in some butterfly effect kind of way? I don't buy it."
"Blame is irrelevant at this point," Rei said. "Taking action is of the utmost priority."
"Like I can take any action," I responded sourly. "San's given up on me."
"Are you sure?" Misato queried.
"What do you mean, am I sure?" I retorted. "It was plain as day!"
"Are you sure?" Shinji chimed in.
Even though, on some level, I knew all this was being manufactured in my head, this gave me pause
now that both of them were questioning me. I looked at Shinji. "What are you getting at?" I asked.
Suddenly a red-suited Eva pilot was standing over me, her fists against her hips in a defiant pose. "Are
you stupid?!" Asuka snarled. "Don't you think it's possible you could've got it backwards??!"
I jerked awake, still in the hospital room.
Staring at the ceiling, I began to remember the dream I'd just had, not sure if it had actually been a
dream or a memory. Focusing on resolving the room into clarity, I sighed.
I guess I should feel privileged that I finally experienced that.
My apartment door slid open later that night with a vocal barrage right behind it.
"Are you in here, Fourth??"
"Yeah," I called out from the bed, where I was lounging atop the covers, relaxing and watching television.
Asuka charged into the room, looking relieved when she found me. "What are you doing home? Is it true
you signed out of the hospital against medical authority?"
"It's against medical advice, and yes," I said. "I'm fine. There's nothing wrong with me."
"Are you sure about that?" Asuka said with concern. "You really fell apart today."
Says the one who's supposed to be in a medically-induced coma right now, I didn't say to her. "I just had
a bad day."
"Yeah. Uh-huh," Asuka nodded, with a sarcastic tone. "Miss Perfect didn't seem to think so."
"What?" I said, doing a double-take, muting the TV. "You? You talked with Rei?"
Asuka shrugged. "What do you want me to say? She came to me." After a pause, she added, "You got a
lot of people who care about you, Jill."
I let that sink in for a second, then said, "What did she say about me?" I winced as soon as I said that,
realizing how petty it sounded.
"She said you were acting like you were going to sacrifice yourself."
"She said that, or you said that?"
Asuka hmph'ed. "Let's say it was a consensus."
"Right," I said. "Okay, well, despite what you all say, that wasn't my intent. I just wanted to get the Angel
away from Rei." Somewhere inside me, despite what I was saying, I knew that I'd been willing to die if that's what
it took to keep others from getting hurt. Maybe what they were saying was true, then; but I didn't want to admit it
to anyone.
"You spend all your time telling me not to do things on my own, not to be the hero, and what do you go
and do?"
I sighed. "You're right. I'm sorry."
Asuka nodded, satisfied with the chastising she'd accomplished. "Now then. We need to think about
what's to come next."
"'We'?" I queried. "Does that mean I'm not grounded or quarantined or anything?"
"Not that I know of," Asuka said, quirking an eyebrow. "If you don't feel all right, you shouldn't have left
the hospital, dummy."
"I told you, I feel fine," I shot back. "It's just that.."
"Just that what?"
I can't exactly tell her that when it happened to her, she was kept sedated in guarded condition. "I.. just
figured that with what I went through, the Commander would want me sidelined--"
"Bah. No offense, Fourth, but you're assuming your situation was worse than it was. You had a bad
outing with your Eva. Who hasn't?"
I frowned a little. "I guess you could be right," I admitted.
"Anyway. The Commander and Misato and the rest are flipping out over the Angel's disappearance.
They even have an idea that the Fifth Child's having gone missing has something to do with it."
I perked up. "Oh really?" I asked. "Tell me more."
She shrugged. "That's all I've got," she said. "He hasn't been seen since before the fight. They haven't
got any idea where the Angel went, so they're scanning all over the globe, from what I've heard. They may even
deploy us all individually world-wide, in case it pops up somewhere else."
"Yikes," I responded.
"Misato said she's not coming home tonight," Asuka said. "She's got a lot of things she wants to look up."
"I bet," I nodded.
"So, want to come over? Watch a movie or something?"
"Eh, I dunno," I shrugged. "I don't think I'm in the mood right now."
"Fair enough," she said. "C'mon over if you change your mind."
"'Kay," I said.
Asuka headed out, and I flumped back on the bed, again. My mind had now had time to digest
everything, with Asuka's help, and my immediate thoughts were on what was supposed to be happening next.
Rei's death would cause questions to be raised when Rei III was found alive in the hospital. SEELE
would throw a hissy-fit and demand her for questioning, but Gendo would send Ritsuko in her place. Ritsuko
would resent that Ikari protected Rei, choosing her over the good doctor, and would destroy the Reiquarium out
of spite, after having shown it to Shinji and Misato. That, in turn, would give SEELE the ammunition they needed,
figuratively speaking, to send the JSSDF after NERV, and set into motion what would culminate in Third Impact.
I couldn't decide if what'd happened instead was a good or a bad thing.
Chapter Twenty-Three: Crescendo
School was back in session the next day, and so I went.
Asuka joined me, which was good; to be honest, having a friend handy was something I needed right
then. Shinji was there, too, but I'd yet to talk to him.
Kaworu was absent, of course, which caused a murmur to ripple through the meager number of students
remaining. In the time he'd been here, he'd already befriended many - not to mention Shinji - and his presence
was evidently missed.
I didn't know that the rest of us would be feeling similar emotions very soon.
"You're what?!" Asuka blurted out as I approached her and Hikari at the lunch table.
Hikari cringed and looked apologetic. "It wasn't my idea," she apologized. "Father says there's too much
going on around here for us to stay. He wants to move us up north, where Mom was born."
"But school is in full session!" Asuka protested. "Why can't he wait till the end of the year?"
"I wish I could change his mind, Asuka," Hikari said.
Asuka noticed me. "Jill! Talk some sense into the class president, will ya?"
"It doesn't sound like she or her sisters have much of a say in it, Asuka," I said sadly. Hikari nodded.
"That's so not fair," Asuka grumbled, sitting back down as I did the same. "You deserve to at least finish
this year off without having to transfer."
"It's all right, I guess," Hikari said. "But I do want to thank you both for being my friends, before I run out
of time to say such things."
"Don't!" Asuka shot back, clapping her hands over her ears. "I don't wanna hear it until the very end!"
I smiled at Hikari. "I understand," I said. "Thanks for being my friend too."
"You guys can look me up in Noshiro, you know, once school is out," Hikari said.
"You bet," I answered for the two of us. I hope we last that long, I didn't add.
Hikari got up and I, anticipating it, did the same. She leaned over to hug me, and I returned the favor. I
found myself tearing up a bit - she'd been a true companion, all this time I'd been in Japan, and I knew I'd been
blessed by knowing her.
Asuka, too, reluctantly stood to accept an embrace. "D-dammit, Hikari," her muffled voice came from
behind the other girl's shoulder, "if you make me cry in front of the entire school, I'll.."
Hikari giggled, patting Asuka on the back, and I couldn't help but smile myself. That was so typical
Asuka.
"When do you go?" I decided to ask.
"Um. Friday," Hikari admitted. It was three days away.
"Gott! There's no time left for a party," Asuka said with a dismayed tone.
"That's okay, that's okay," Hikari said quickly, waving her hands in a stopping gesture. "I don't do well at
farewell gatherings anyway."
"Me either," I contributed.
"We're gonna miss you," Asuka added.
"Like I said, there's no reason to be strangers," Hikari said, smirking at her use of the English phrase.
Fifteen minutes later, I was pushing open the door of the roof access. I needed a breather away from the
impromptu send-off Asuka was giving Hikari, and I figured some fresh air would do me good.
I hadn't banked on Shinji Ikari being up on the roof, forearms resting on the railing.
"Oh," I said aloud, before I could catch myself. He looked up at the sound, spotting me.
"It's all right," he said, shrugging. "I was just up here thinking."
"About what?" I asked, approaching the lone other occupant of the rooftop deck area.
"Lots of things," he said. "Aida and Suzuhara.. their families are being moved away."
"Them too?" I said with shock. I related the episode with Hikari that had just transpired.
"That's about everyone," Shinji realized. "All except those of us tied to Eva."
"Yeah," I agreed, leaning against the rail myself, letting the wind blow into my still-yet-to-be-trimmed hair.
"I was thinking of Nagisa as well."
"Oh?" I asked.
"I'm worried for him. He hasn't been seen in days."
"I'm sure he's okay," I said, not realizing my dismissive tone was a carbon copy of one Asuka might use.
"I don't know," Shinji shrugged. "He's said some strange things to me in the past."
Oh Christ, here we go. "Like what?" I asked innocently.
"He's talked about the whole reason for life, and what we do with it.. and keeps referring to the human
race as 'Lilim'. And.. and he's said that he loves me."
"I see," I said, trying to sound mildly surprised, or at least how I thought I should react to that revelation.
"How do you think he meant that?"
"I-I know what you're thinking," Shinji stammered. "I don't th.. I don't know. I'm not used to having anyone
say they loved me."
That's probably true. Lost your mother when you were a toddler, grew up with an asshole for a father..
"How do you feel about him?"
"I don't know, that's the thing," Shinji said, turning to face me, his expression as serious as it could be.
"I've never known anyone who loved me. And I've never had anyone to love."
I tried as hard as I could to keep the old Queen song from running through my head. "It's a.. difficult thing
to discuss," I admitted. "Not for the reason you might think, which is that you're a guy and I'm a girl.. but, um,
because.." Think of something and stop babbling, idiot. You didn't have to get into this conversation in the first
place, but now that you're here, you're in for the distance. "It's got to be really unique, having grown up the way
you did. No offense."
If he was put off by my comment, he didn't say so. "Is there anyone you love, Jillian?"
I blushed and was caught blindsides by the remark. "Um, no," I squeaked. It was the truth; I'd never
been too social in the first place, and no one I'd met since taking on Jillian's life had compelled me to want to
enter into any kind of relationship. "But I think that's a case of not having found the right somebody yet."
Thankfully, he abandoned that line of questioning. "Do you think I should be looking for him?" he asked.
I realized he meant Kaworu after a moment. "Actually, I don't know why, but I get the feeling he'll show
up again soon," I said.
"Really? You think so? What makes you say that?"
Crap. Do I tell him? I could easily make a plausible story of 'guessing' his Angelness from all the weird
shit that's gone down since he came on the scene. In the end, cowardice - if you can call it that - won out. "Eh, I
don't know for sure. I just get the idea that he can't stay away for long."
"Right," Shinji said, nodding and offering one of his rare, faint smiles. "Thank you, Jillian."
I nodded and smiled back. "I'm going back inside now," I told him.
"Okay. Please tell the class rep I'll be there in a minute."
"You bet."
I got to the stairs and shut my eyes, sighing as I descended back to the classroom levels. Oh, this is not
going to end well, I feared.
During classes, I couldn't keep my mind off the problems I'd been having with Sangouki. As absurd as it
sounded, I was seriously considering taking off for NERV at the next break and sitting down to have a 'chat' with
the creature, or soul, or enlightened being that was Evangelion Unit 03. I figured it might have helped in the long
run.
You may have guessed by my verbiage, at this point, that I didn't get quite that far in my efforts.
Just after school, before I met up with Asuka to tell her I wasn't going to walk home with her, a white
Toyota van pulled to a stop beside me. Before I had a moment to think, let alone react, the side door came open,
and hands pulled me inside; the door slid shut, and the van swiftly merged back into traffic once again.
I was hooded and blindfolded from the moment I was abducted. No one said anything to me, despite my
complaints and comments, and the van just drove along. I had my suspicions on where we were going, though,
even though I didn't see anything other than total darkness until much later, after having been marched along
somewhere upon exiting the van. Once the hood was removed, I found myself still in darkness, until the
reflection of some red illumination bathed me.
The words which had appeared before me were ominous and foreboding, at least to me:
SEELE
01
SOUND
ONLY
One by one, the other monoliths sprang to life in a circle around me, as I'd been expecting.
"Fourth Child, you have been summoned here to answer our questions," one of the voices said. I
couldn't place it; of course, I'd never met Keel Lorenz or any other SEELE member, but to compound the
confusion, the electronically-processed voices seemed to come from everywhere at once, not from any specific
direction or monolith.
"All-all right," I said. I was trying to sound confident and unfazed, but the fact of the matter was that the
room was designed to throw people off their rhythm and make them on edge - or so I presumed. Few people had
opportunity to have an audience with SEELE, I was sure.
"What do you know about the Fifth Child?" someone asked.
I didn't have the guts to lie, or to hold anything back. There was the potential that these guys could just
outright end me; I would never be seen again. "I know he is like the First, in some aspects."
"How do you know this?"
"I've seen him do things," I replied. "I mean, I don't have any proof of him actually doing anything, but I
know I've witnessed things that have happened because of his intervention."
"How do you know that he and the First are ...special?" came another query.
I all but visually winced. Two questions in and I'd already slipped up. At this stage, I'll be forced to say
the word 'anime' in an answer in 90 seconds or less. "I've developed a friendship with the First. It didn't take
much observation to figure out she was different." A quick idea came to me, and I used it, uttering a silent
apology to Kaji's memory as I went along. "Your previous collaborator also gave me some insight into things."
"How much insight?"
"Enough that I know what to expect," I said, still wondering which word would be my last, cut off by a
chokehold or a blow to the head or some other incapacitating move.
"You do, do you, Child?" If I had to guess, that would have been Lorenz again. "Don't be so sure."
"Where is the Fifth hiding?" someone else demanded.
"I don't know," I said. "The last I saw of him was before the battle with the sixteenth Angel. I haven't seen
or heard from him since."
"Where would he go? Are there places he commonly visits?"
"I don't know," I repeated.
"Did you share your ...knowledge with him?"
"No.. not all of it," I admitted. "Nothing of significance."
"We will judge that," Lorenz interjected. "What did you tell him?"
"That I knew he was sent by you, and that I knew he was an Angel," I said, leaving out the bits I didn't
exactly want to dive into at that point.
"What was his reaction to that?"
I shrugged. "To be honest, he always evaded the first part and denied the second."
"So it is possible he doesn't know, yet," someone said. I was confused by this, until another responded
to him, and I realized he'd been talking to the others, not me.
"We have to assume, with his disappearance, that he does," the answer came, then they turned their
attention back to me. "We should decide what to do with this one."
"Find him," Lorenz commanded me. "Instruct him to report in at once."
"Um.. with all due respect, if you can't locate him, how can I, with resources that're insignificant in
comparis--"
"You have a rapport with the Fifth," Lorenz cut me off. "If he does not seek you out on his own, you
should be able to find him without difficulty."
Says you, I didn't retort.
"You can return her now," someone said. Until then, I wasn't aware anyone else was in the room with
me. My expectations were that every one of the monoliths were holograms or projections of some other sort.
They were, of course, but as I heard a footstep behind me, I remembered that someone had to have been there
to remove my blindfold in the first place..
I woke up some time later - it was dark outside - in the white minivan again, parked across the street
from my apartment block. The van was otherwise empty, the keys missing and nothing in it at all, except me.
I didn't even remember getting knocked out, however that happened. For all I knew, I was gassed inside
the SEELE room - which, more likely than not, was some place inside NERV headquarters - and hauled out to
the van and driven home.
I tried the door closest to me; it opened without hesitation. Looking around, I found no one on the street
or in the surrounding area (or, at least, no one in plain sight), so I stepped out of the van, dashed across the
road, and headed home.
As I was unlocking my apartment, someone next door obviously heard me, and came outside. "Hey!"
Asuka called. "Where've you been?"
"I, uh, had something to do," I said, making a pitiful attempt at an apology. "Sorry."
"I waited for you for close to an hour at the school. I thought maybe you'd joined a club or something."
"Sorry, I was kind of tied up." I smiled inwardly at the horrible pun.
"Whatever," Asuka shrugged. "Before you head to bed, you might wanna phone Miss Perfect. She was
over here looking for you."
"She was?" I asked, surprised. "Did she say why?"
"Of course not," Asuka scoffed. "She was her typical reserved self. Except.. she seemed uptight about
something."
"Did you ask her what was wrong?"
"She wouldn't say a word. Just asked that I tell you she was here."
"Uh, okay, thanks," I told my friend. "See you in the morning?"
"Ja!" she grinned, pulling the door shut.
I sat on my bed, staring at my mobile phone, resting open and idle on the sheets before me.
This is getting seriously fucked up, I said to myself. I was at a loss for what to do. This was all truly
uncharted territory now; Rei wasn't supposed to be alive, and Asuka was supposed to be AWOL at this point, not
to be found until 7 days had passed, lying in a bathtub in the ruins of the city which hadn't been destroyed.
I had no idea what to say to Rei.
That's why I was staring at the phone, watching the time on its display click over to 11:21 PM. I'd been
home for 15 minutes since talking to Asuka, doing nothing but sitting and considering my options.
Do I phone her and wake her up, and dive into whatever conversation this becomes, at this late hour? I
wondered. Or do I leave it till morning, and risk leaving Rei sitting awake all night worrying about me?
There were lots of other 'or's' that ran through my head at the same time, but in the end, none of them
mattered, as I snatched up the phone and scrolled down to "Ayanami", hitting Send.
The phone rang seven times, then was picked up - sleepily. "Yes," Rei said.
"Oh, shit, I woke you. I'm sorry," I apologized.
"Jillian," Rei said, waking more with every passing moment. "Are you all right?"
"Yeah, I'm at home," I said. "Are you? Okay, I mean."
"I am," she acknowledged. "But there is something I want to discuss."
"Right now?" I asked. "I can come over if you--"
"That's unnecessary," she cut me off. "It can wait until morning."
"Okay. I'm sorry for calling so late. I just heard you'd been looking for me, and I wanted to put your mind
at ease."
"It's all right," Rei said. "Thank you for... thinking of me."
"Of course. I'll see you in the morning. Good night."
"Good night," she responded, before hanging up.
I set the phone back down on the bed and stared at it some more, until the display went dark from
inactivity. Puzzled, I shook my head.
What does she want to discuss with me? My mind went back to the conversation from the last time we'd
talked. Could it be that? Is it possible she simply wants to get some pointers on relationships?
If so, she picked the wrong tutor, I smirked to myself. Deciding that was the answer, I set the phone
aside and crawled properly under the covers, ready to head off to sleep myself.
For once, I woke on my own schedule, without a pounding on the door from Section Two, a shrill alert
from headquarters, or something else jarring me from slumber. Rubbing my eyes, I sat up and looked out at the
morning that was steadily progressing outside.
Is there even a point to going to school any more? I wondered, reflecting back on the revelations of the
day before, of all our friends announcing their departure. Still, I'd committed to keeping up a normal life, or as
close to that as was possible, so through the morning routine I went.
Shinji and Asuka had waited for me at the elevator, and the three of us walked on to school together. It
almost felt like things were returning to normal, which, to be honest, had me unsettled.
"What are you doing this weekend, Fourth?" Asuka asked me as we walked along.
"Eh, I never plan that far ahead," I said, telling a half-truth, as usual. For the sake of conversation, I
asked, "Why? Do you have something in mind?"
"Not off the top of my head, but I'm going to go crazy if I don't come up with something, what with Hikari
and everyone else leaving."
"I know what you mean," Shinji said. "I'm seeing Kensuke off Saturday morning."
"Maybe we could tag along," I said, inviting us into Shinji's plans.
"I guess," Asuka shrugged, "though saying farewell to the stooges wasn't what I was thinking about.
Anyway, what do you say, Third Child? Is that acceptable to you?"
"Uhhh.. I guess so," Shinji stammered. "If-if you want to, that is. Or we could--"
"We could what?" Asuka replied, once Shinji had cut himself off, blushing. I smirked and raised my
eyebrows, amused and listening in; he'd clearly been thinking out loud. Was I about to bear witness to a date in
the making?
While I listened to them stumble through an awkward conversation, something caught my eye on the
expressway a distance away, on a bridge that spanned one of Ashinoko's tributary rivers. I wasn't able to spot
every last detail, but I could see well enough to spot a small blue car and possibly two figures standing on the
bridge.
One of Misato's private meetings, I mused, taking a wild guess.
"Fourth? Helloooo, Jill?"
I blinked and turned back to Asuka. "Er, sorry, what?"
Asuka was nonplussed by my distractedness. "I said, what do you think about that, and 'that', since I
doubt you heard that part either, referred to the three of us going on a hike around the lake on Sunday."
"Oh! Sure, that sounds good," I smiled. "I'm in."
"You'd better be careful," she cautioned me. "Act like that the next time you're in your Eva and they
might start giving you grief. You're already on shaky ground as it is."
"Erf. I know," I said, the unpleasant memories of San's rejection coming back to me. "Trust me, I'm all
here. I'm good."
I hope.
Kaworu was not at school, but that wasn't a surprise. Rei's absence, however, was.
"Something's not right," I frowned.
"What? Because Miss Perfect skipped again?" Asuka scoffed. "That's hardly unusual."
"She had something she was going to discuss with me," I explained. "She definitely said she'd see me
today."
"Maybe something came up," Shinji offered. "You know how she's always being put through tests and
stuff."
"Maybe," I said, still not liking the whole situation. For the time being, I had to be content with it, though,
and go through the motions of the school day.
"Where are you headed?" Asuka asked when I turned left instead of right, upon leaving school at the
ending bell.
"To the geofront," I said. "I want to see if I can get some time in my Eva.. see if things are going any
better between us now."
"Right," Asuka said, still showing bemusement at the personification I was giving the Eva.
"Do you want company?" Shinji asked.
"No, no; you two carry on," I said. "I'm sure you can find something more interesting to do."
Shinji was confused by the smirk I appended to that comment, and Asuka looked like she wanted to
throttle me. I turned and went on my way, after a wave.
My explanation hadn't been a lie, but it wasn't the whole truth, either. I was worried about Rei, and had
hopes of finding her somewhere within the complex, or at least bumping into somebody who would know where
she was or what she was up to.
I wouldn't have been so concerned if not for two things: One, Kaworu's recent vanishing act put me on
edge that he was soon to make his move, and the fact that Rei was 'like' him didn't help matters. Two, I was
curious what it was that Rei had wanted to talk to me about.
I sought out Dr. Akagi for my first attempt at sorting things out. She was in her office.
After the greetings were through and done with, I said, "I was wondering if I could get some time in the
entry plug? I mean, I presume I'm still grounded.."
"Unless you have some epiphany on why the Eva rejected you, yes," Ritsuko responded, a little coldly.
"That's why I want to try," I said, trying not to let her words sting me too much. "Maybe I can sync up
properly today and see if things will work."
She checked her watch and sighed, then tapped a key on her workstation, causing the screen to go
dark. Before it blanked, though, I noticed that the display was showing a picture of people, instead of some test
results or other equations. Replaying it in my mind's eye, I realized it was most likely her and her mother and
Gendo, from ages ago.
"I suppose we can get a test in this evening," she said, standing and coming towards the door. "Let's
go."
"Thank you, Doctor," I said, bowing a little in response before preceding her out into the hall.
We walked in silence for a few moments, until I got up the courage to ask: "Have you seen Rei today?
She was abs--"
"Rei was scheduled for a test this morning," Ritsuko cut me off firmly. "I don't know where she is right
now."
"Oh. Um, thanks," I said. I continued on towards the change rooms, while Dr. Akagi wordlessly
proceeded to the testing center.
You're growing, I silently told myself as I tried to break in the new plugsuit. It was snug in some places,
more from the expansion of those places than the newness of the suit.
For a moment, my mind drifted to thoughts of growing up as a girl, and the fact that as a girl, I still did
have some growing up - physically speaking - to do. It was something I hadn't dwelt on previously, because I'd
never looked beyond Third Impact in my personal plans.
Don't consider it the end, I found myself thinking as I played with the control on my wrist, expanding and
shrinking the suit a couple of times. It's going to end this whole story, but yours carries on past that.
Suddenly, alarms started ringing, startling me. I picked up my neuroclips and hurriedly put them on while
rushing towards the Cage.
"Confirm location of - never mind, here she is!" Ritsuko said as I passed through the command center. I
skidded to a stop to ask what was going on.
"Your Eva has self-activated," she growled quickly, "without an entry plug." She turned her attention back
to berating the techs for telling her that something impossible was happening.
I stood there, rooted to the spot, as if an icicle had pierced my spinal cord from the base of my brain
stem right down its length, paralyzing me.
Oh shit, I thought. He's here. It's time.
With Misato absent, Ritsuko was in charge, overseen by Fuyutsuki and Gendo from on high.
"What should we do?" she asked them. "Sortie her in Unit Ze--"
"No," Gendo said flatly. "The pilot has not been cleared for combat."
"Do you want me to get Rei?"
"Have her brought here," the elder Ikari said. "And summon the other pilots."
"Understood."
While Ritsuko was giving orders at the techs, I stood there, still in the same spot I'd been for the past few
minutes. When she had a moment to draw breath, I asked, "What's going on??" As if you don't know already.
"An Angel has appeared inside the Geofront," she said with a great deal of stress in her voice. "We think
it's taken Unit 03 with it as a protector, and is heading to Terminal Dogma."
I shut my eyes sadly. San, please, I begged. The only reason he can control you is if you're dormant.
Please come back to me.
I didn't expect, nor did I receive, a response of any kind.
"Sir! Section Two reports they are unable to locate the First Child!"
"What??!" Ikari said, actually going a little pale. "Check again!"
"I could go look for her," I said to Ritsuko, trying to help out in some way.
"There's probably no point," she said flatly. "Rei disobeyed an order of Commander Ikari's this morning.
She's been in a cell ever since - well, at least we thought she was. I expect she's somewhere you'll never be
able to reach."
I blinked, trying to assimilate and understand all that information. Rei had been jailed? For
disobedience?
"Sir, we have a visual on Unit 03 and the Angel, coming up on screen now," Aoba said.
The rest of the room was shocked into silence, but I knew exactly what to expect: Beside a levitating
Sangouki was a floating human being, or at least what appeared to be one.
Kaworu Nagisa.
Gendo found his voice first. "Re-designate the Fifth Child as the Seventeenth Angel. At once."
"Y-yes, sir," came a stunned reply from one of the techs.
"Third Child has reported in and will be in the Cage in two minutes," someone else said. "Second Child is
also here."
"Sortie them both," Ikari demanded. "Send them after the Angel."
It was nothing short of agony to be standing in Command, little more than a spectator, watching Kaworu
take away my Evangelion and set off for what could become Third Impact.
No, I thought to myself. Adam's body is inside a glove less than ten meters over my right shoulder.
Kaworu is heading to Lilith. He can't set things off with that combination.
Unless everything I thought I 'knew' was total bullshit, of course. I had no confirmation that Gendo had
Adam implanted in his hand; I didn't even know if Kaji had brought the embryonic Angel to Japan in the first
place.
I knew nothing.
"Breached the main shaft access!" Aoba belted out. On screen, Sangouki had just forced open the thick,
bulkhead-like access doors.
"I don't suppose the Dummy System will function?" Gendo inquired calmly and casually, as if he was
asking if anyone remembered to tape his favorite show.
"We can try, but I don't think it'll go," Ritsuko said.
At that moment, Misato arrived, with Hyuga close behind her. A rapid briefing was given, and Misato
tossed me a confused, surprised look when she saw 03 on the screen and me standing in the command post.
Then, things settled back down to the usual mayhem.
"Dummy plug did not work," Maya Ibuki confirmed. "Unit 03 is still out of our control."
"Units 01 and 02 have reached the main shaft. Beginning descent. Unit 03 and the Seventeenth Angel
are 1450 meters below them."
"Location of First Child?" Gendo asked.
"Still unknown," Aoba said. "Security is performing a section-by-section search."
"Dr. Akagi," Gendo said after a moment, "Upload the Fourth Child's program into Unit 00 and have her
stand by in the Cage."
"Yes, sir." Ritsuko turned to be. "You heard him, Jillian."
"R-right," I said, turning reluctantly from the monitor. I had no desire to miss even a second of the action,
but at least if I somehow could start Zero and get her to cooperate with me, I'd be able to get in on it.
I hustled to the cage, and stared at the blue-and-white biomech as I rode the lift from the catwalk to the
gantry of the entry plug.
You shouldn't even exist right now, I reflected. You were supposed to self-destruct days ago.
The entry plug powered up and if I wasn't generating a workable sync ratio, they didn't bother telling me
about it. At least I was connected to comms now.
"--aworu, you bastard, stop!" Shinji railed. "Get back here and face me!"
There was no response from the Angel; I didn't even know if it was possible for him to invade on our
electronic comms signal as-is.
"Unit 01, Unit 02," Gendo cut in, "You are to make the elimination of the Angel your top priority.
Destruction of Unit 03, if necessary, is authorized."
"Is-isn't the Fourth Child inside?" Asuka protested, and I couldn't help but smile, and feel a little warmth,
even in such a crazy situation; at least I knew she cared for me as a friend.
"Negative. Unit 03 is pilotless. Proceed," Gendo demanded.
Shinji, meanwhile, was still taunting Kaworu, trying to get him to stop and acknowledge him. Still, no
responses came back.
"Unit 00 is ready," I reported when there was a break in the chatter.
"Stay on station," Fuyutsuki's voice came back to me tersely.
Rei, I said to the being I thought was inside Zero, if you are there, please put up with me for now. I need
your help.
If there was a response, it was indiscernible to me.
"Unit 01 is now 82 meters from Unit 03," someone reported. "Contact imminent."
"Jill... I'm sorry," Shinji struggled to say, and I could envision in my mind's eye the clashing of armor.
Suddenly, Kaworu's voice was on the line. "I do not understand, Lilim, why you use what is your mortal
enemy in order to survive."
"Unit 02! Attack!" Gendo roared.
"Nnngh!" came a grunt from Asuka's commlink. "I'm trying! But he's - he's got his own AT Field!"
"Of course," Kaworu said. "You don't see that this thing you call an AT Field is the wall of the soul, the
line which no one may cross. You think you are evolved, yet you don't see the simple fact that the so-called AT
Field is the very thing which makes you individuals!"
There were screams at that point from Shinji, which I took to mean that 03 had landed a hit on him.
Asuka called his name, but he was in no frame of mind to respond.
"Evas 01, 02, and 03 have reached level 98!" Hyuga said. "Only the Final Protection Layer remains!"
C'mon, Rei, talk to me, I urged the Eva. Are you with me? Give me a sign..
The background chatter was suddenly cut off abruptly, followed immediately by a thunderous, earthshaking explosion. "What the hell was that?!" Misato shouted.
"AT Field! Strongest we've ever recorded!" Hyuga announced. "Emanating from.. Terminal Dogma!"
I expected to be sent in at that moment, but Ikari held fast. "Get ready," I heard Misato say, but before I
could acknowledge her, someone else did - evidently, she wasn't talking to me.
Maya reported that everything was being prevented from entering or leaving T Dogma. "We've lost
communication with the pilots!"
Send me, I tried to will Gendo.
"F-final Protection Layer disengaged!" Aoba called out incredulously. "It wasn't from here!"
"Heaven's Door is open," Fuyutsuki intoned solemnly.
I need to be doing something! I wanted to yell, but I knew the truth; I'd been shuttled aside just for the
benefit of not having me in the comm center. I would have just gotten in the way.
A twinge of something pulled at the back of my mind. I would say it was like a headache, except there
was no pain associated with it.
"Another AT Field!" someone shouted just as the ground began to shake again. "As strong as the last
one!"
"Another Angel!" Ritsuko declared.
"N-no.. I can't tell! The Magi have no answer!" Maya shot back.
I felt another pulling sensation within my brain. Then: "God! It just disappeared!"
"Disappeared?" Misato echoed.
"It just negated the first one, and then vanished!"
Finally, it hit me. Rei! I tried to look around and spot her, the real, flesh-and-blood girl, but she was
nowhere in sight.
I suddenly had a vision of being in the bottom part of the shaft leading to Terminal Dogma, and
overlooking both Shogouki and Nigouki trying to fight San off, while Kaworu glided effortlessly across the
crimson sea in the base of the Black Moon.
Do whatever you have to, Ayanami! I tried to urge her on. I'm here with you.
There was no discernible reply, and the vision was gone as soon as it had arrived.
"Do you have contact with Units 01 or 02?" Gendo asked.
"Nothi--" someone began, then cut himself off. "Wait, audio comms are returning!"
"--and you are not the existence which should die," Kaworu was saying.
"What are you talking about?!" Shinji shot back.
"Ach! Shinji, he's an Angel!" Asuka protested. "I can't hold Jill's Eva down much longer! Do it!"
"Only one of us can go on from this point," Kaworu explained to Shinji. "And all I have seen of the Lilim
leads me to believe it is their fate to do so. Therefore, it is my fate.. my will.. to die."
I suddenly had another vision, that of Kaworu in Sho's iron fist, looking up towards me. Before I could
realize that I was seeing through Rei's eyes, the vision vanished again, as if it was an intermittent comms signal
fading in and out.
His voice still continued through the audio link. "I am sorry for my betrayal of you, Shinji Ikari. I can only
hope for your forgiveness, and that you will do as I ask. And please tell the Fourth Child I am sorry too."
"Wh-what??!" Shinji said, still going full tilt on adrenaline.
"She was right all along," he said. "I did not see it until now, but she was right to be wary. I hope she can
forgive me as well."
"Kaworu!" I yelled out. "Can you hear me?!"
There was no reply; I didn't need a vision or a video feed to be able to see in my mind's eye Shinji's Eva
staring down Kaworu, gripped in its hand. The infamous scene that never ended was playing out in real time
now.
"Dammit! Kaworu!" Shinji screamed. "Why?!"
Kaworu didn't answer; Shinji sobbed and yelled some more, confirming one of my suspicions about this
particular point in the story.
"Shinji, do it!" Asuka yelled.
There was a defiant roar from Shinji's commlink, and then silence.
"The.. the 17th Angel.. is defeated," Maya declared a moment later.
"Stand down from alert condition," Gendo said. "Units 01 and 02, retrieve Unit 03 and return to the
Cages. Stand down Unit 00 and have the security forces continue their search for Rei."
"Yes, si--" was all I heard before the entry plug of 00 shut down. I realized, as the LCL began draining,
that I was literally on the edge of the seat, hands gripping the controls tighter than I thought I was capable of. As
I relaxed, my fingers started to ache from the tension.
All I could do at that moment, after relieving myself of the LCL, was sigh. Then I thought of Kaworu - not
the Angel, but the person. He who had been the one to put me here, who had spent countless hours trying to
befriend me (but evidently having more success with Shinji).
I felt guilt. I felt that I should have been a better person, a friend to him.
I am sorry, Kaworu, I thought silently. I wish I'd done you better.
Chapter Twenty-Four: Entropy
After the battle was over, I was summoned to, of all things, a general conference between Ikari and
Fuyutsuki and the command staff.
I had no clue why I was worthy of such a meeting. I definitely hadn't done anything noteworthy in the last
battle or two, so unless they were finally coming down on me for knowing stuff, I was stumped. Maybe Kaworu's
words to and about me had given them something to think about.
Ikari started it off. "Major, the combat report on the Seventeenth, please."
Misato stood and read from a clipboard. "The Seventeenth Angel, Tabris, was encountered within
Central Dogma. It appropriated Unit 03 and descended towards Terminal Dogma, in an apparent attempt to start
Third Impact. Units 01 and 02 were dispatched after the Angel and succeeded in terminating it, though damage
was sustained to all three Eva units as well as superstructure of NERV headquarters itself."
Gendo nodded. "Doctor."
Akagi rose from her seat. "The whereabouts of the Sixteenth Angel were confirmed via the backup video
recorders stored in the entry plug of Unit 01. Just prior to the Seventeenth Angel's destruction, it was observed
to glow and exhibit properties of particle wave matter, as well as briefly taking on the appearance of an amalgam
of all the Angels encountered thus far. Therefore, the speculation that the Seventeenth Angel absorbed
somehow the Sixteenth is assumed to be correct."
I saw a brief flutter in the lighting of the room and realized a device of some sorts had just refocused its
lens on Misato. It would turn out to be a holographic scanner, and the meeting, presumably, was being recorded
for delivery to SEELE at a later time. I found this part especially interesting, considering that surely Gendo knew
it was SEELE themselves who had sent Kaworu to us.
Misato carried on, once directed to do so by Ikari. "Units 01 and 02 sustained superficial damage in the
fight. Repairs will take at most twenty-one hours for both, using maintenance crews on standard shifts. Unit 03
suffered significant head damage and will require the evaluation of the Operations bureau for repair estimates."
Misato shot a glance toward Ritsuko at that point, then went on. "Structural damage to the Geofront is negligible
on the whole; repairs to seven blast doors are required and can be deferred as necessary."
"I concur," Ikari interjected. "Proceed with the repairs to Units 01 and 02 at once."
"Sir, may I ask a question?" Misato said, not stopping to obtain permission. "I was under the impression
that there were seventeen Angels. In other words, we should be finished. Is that not the case?"
Ikari stared at her for a moment.
"Am I mistaken, Commander?" Misato asked. "Is there something I should know about?"
Ikari again glared at Major Katsuragi, then turned towards Ritsuko again. "Next order of business,
Doctor."
"Yes, sir," Dr. Akagi went on, ignoring Misato's scowl and my look of disbelief. If I'd known what was to
come next, though, I would have saved my reaction for then. "Even in Unit Zero, except for a few brief moments
which seemed to correspond to the AT Fields we detected during the battle, the Fourth Child registered the
lowest synchronization rate on record for her to date. Due to concerns for her safety and effectiveness in battle, I
recommend she return to inactive status and that we consider not allocating any resources towards repair of Unit
03 at this time."
My jaw would have put a dent in the table. So this is why you're here. It was a cruel way to tell me I'd
been sidelined. I wanted to scream and get up and run away, but my composure remained intact for some
reason.
"And the First Child?" Gendo asked, casually letting my fate drift off as a footnote in the meeting
minutes.
"There's no explanation," Ritsuko said, shaking her head. "She was found in her cell a little over an hour
ago."
"There is an explanation," Gendo snapped. "You just haven't found it yet. Figure it out, Doctor."
"Yes, sir," Akagi glowered at him.
"You're all dismissed."
Everyone stood and dispersed, except for Gendo and Fuyutsuki, who were probably going to sit and
scheme or something. I hurried over to Ritsuko as she collected her papers.
"Dr. Akagi--" I began.
"There's nothing to say, Pilot," she cut me off. "Report back on Saturday for re-evaluation."
I arrived home late in the evening, after visiting the hospital to get my hand put in a cast after I punched
a wall.
Okay, that's a lie. It's what I wanted to do, plus the rational side of my mind filling in what the outcome
would be. I was enraged, completely off-the-hook angry, and I had nothing to vent my frustrations on. I couldn't
bitch at Kaworu any more - and thinking of that particular release only made me feel worse, as I figured I'd
treated him worse than he deserved.
Instead, I got home and slammed my door shut, then threw myself on the bed and screamed into my
pillow.
"FUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!"
I punched it a couple of times for good measure, stopping when I heard a voice out on the balcony.
"Wanna try that again? I think Hikari might not have heard you, and she's already on the road, if the timing's
right."
I stood up and wiped the tears from my eyes, then ventured onto my half of the balcony, seeing Asuka
leaning over the rail towards me. I stood there pitifully, hands at my sides, staring back at her.
"What's the matter?" she asked.
"They grounded me," I snapped. "And said they're not going to bother fixing my Eva since it's apparent I
can't use it."
"Bastards," Asuka muttered. "Well, look on the bright side - at least you get some time off."
"I don't want time off," I countered. How could I tell her that this was the most important moment in all of
our lives so far? How could I tell her that it was supposed to be her in my position, and that I'd worked out a plan
to save her from exactly what I was going through at that moment?
"I don't.. I don't know what I.. I don't know what to do," I said, frowning and looking at my feet.
"We should go do something," Asuka said brightly. "We need to go hunt for your spirits and pick them
back up."
"I don't want to go do someth--" I began, but then realized I was falling into exactly the same trap Asuka
would have been in. I was one mental breakdown away from being heavily sedated and put in a hospital bed.
"Come on. All the times you helped me? I owe you one, Fourth. Jill. Let's go see a movie or something."
"O-okay," I agreed, forcing a smile, and again wiping away tears. "Give me ten minutes to get cleaned
up."
There was a movie theater not far from home, and despite the fact that it was a Friday night, the place
looked pretty sparsely populated.
"Another sign of people clearing out," Asuka noted with a frown as we stood in line at the box office, still
having to queue up behind a few people nevertheless.
"Yup," I agreed soberly.
"Don't they have any faith in us?" said my friend rhetorically.
"You take things way too personally," I pointed out to her. "Chances are 99% of these folks have no idea
who you are. They just see the potential for something serious happening, and take action. I'm surprised people
stuck around as long as they did. I don't know about you, but if a giant monster started tromping through, I sure
would have booked the first plane outta Dodge, myself."
"These Japanese folk are hardy, Fourth," Asuka joked. "What with Gojira and all that." She seemed like
she was going to say more, but cut herself short, staring down the street.
"Third Child!" she finally said, surprised. Halfway down the block, back the way we'd come, Shinji Ikari's
head snapped up at the sound of Asuka's voice. He continued walking our way and stopped, greeting us.
"What are you up to?" I asked in response.
"Do you want to come with us?" Asuka blurted out, sounding more like a nervous schoolgirl than her
usual gruff, abrasive demeanor portrayed her.
"Oh, I, um.." Shinji stammered, looking back and forth between the two of us. "Actually.."
"I can bow out if you two'd rather be alone," I said, half-teasingly.
"Fourth, shut up!" Asuka snapped. "Come on, Ikari. Put your brain in neutral and watch a movie with us."
"I'm going to see if I can see Ayanami," he finally got out.
Asuka scoffed. "Isn't she in jail? Why would you want to bother, anyway? Even Misato couldn't get
permission to see her. What makes you think you can?"
"I have to try," Shinji said. His eyes locked with Asuka's for a long moment.
"Fine. What do I care? Suit yourself," she snapped, turning around to proceed forward, as the line had
progressed ahead. "Have fun."
"Asuka.." Shinji said, in an almost pleading tone.
"Go! Don't worry about us. In fact, say 'hi' to her for me." The last bit had a hint of the trademark Asuka
sneer to its tone, and I frowned.
"See you later on, Shinji," I said. "If you do get to see her, say 'hi' for me too please."
He nodded and turned, dashing off up the street. Asuka stood in stony silence.
"Asuka," I prompted.
"What?" she said, pretending nothing was bothering her.
"Don't be angry with him. We're--"
"Don't tell me how to be," Asuka cut me off, glaring at me.
I sighed. "Fine," I said. "Are we going to go in or not?"
Asuka turned and stepped towards the booth, her turn being next. "Two, please!"
The movie was okay - don't ask me to recall what it was; so many things have happened since then that
it's impossible to remember such an unremarkable point. Besides, I wasn't concentrating much on it, anyway.
Between being upset at Asuka for her behavior outside the theater, and all the other demons that were
rampaging through my mind, I was just about running at full capacity. If I'd had to deal with another issue, I felt
like my scalp would pop off and steam would race out of the top of my head like a train whistle.
Why do you let yourself get like this? I asked myself, as Asuka and I walked home, the former chattering
randomly as if the events earlier hadn't happened. The answer came to me just as quickly as the question had.
Because you're human.
I regarded my friend beside me, wrapped up in her breakdown and critique of the film, and realized her
coping mechanism when things didn't go her way was to push it aside and pretend it didn't happen, much as my
method involved over-analyzing everything.
We are all with faults. It's what makes us unique.
I was musing on how it felt like I had some of the answers that the others, supposedly, would get in Third
Impact and/or Instrumentality, when Asuka's voice brought me back to the then and now.
"Hellooo? Fourth? Jill? Where are you goiiinnng?"
"Wha?" I said, snapping my head up. I stopped walking, realizing that Asuka was ten steps behind me
now, having stopped at the entrance to our apartment complex - and I'd just kept on going, on autopilot.
"Sorry," I apologized, doubling back and joining her for the trip to the elevator. "Kinda got lost in thought
there."
"What about?" she asked as we waited for the lift to arrive.
"Eh, lots of things," I said, shrugging. "This and that."
Asuka huffed out a frustrated sigh. "You might as well come out and say it, you know."
"Say what?" I said, turning to face her.
"That I shouldn't have been so hard on Shinji," she said, looking away. If it hadn't been so dark, I would
have been able to see her cheeks redden as she turned.
"I'm not your conscience," I shrugged. "I don't think I'm cut out for little angel or devil outfits, anyway. But
it sounds like you think you should have been easier on him."
Asuka sighed again and rested her head on the elevator door frame. "Why'd he have to go see her,
anyway? It's not like he'd come see me if I was in trouble."
"I don't know that I'd say that," I told her. I omitted the part about what I suspected he'd do over her
comatose form, of course. "Even though he doesn't show it, he cares a lot for all of us."
I left Asuka behind for the second time, but this time consciously; the elevator doors parted, and I got on,
her staring after me in surprise. "He does, does he?" she retorted finally, getting on just before the doors closed.
"How do you know that?"
"The simple fact that he went to see Ayanami - or at least try - is pretty strong proof, in my opinion," I
said. "You have to understand that since he was able to interact with others, his world has been empty of love
and caring. No mother, no siblings, no father to speak of. The sad truth of it is, he doesn't know how to show
affection."
Asuka was quiet for the rest of the ride up to our floor. When the doors slid open, she admitted softly, "I
guess you've got a point there."
"I do," I nodded. "Did you ever grow seeds in science class in school?"
"What does that have to do with--" she began, then cut herself off. "Yeah," she replied.
"Did it grow on its own, or did you have to care for it, and water it, and keep it turned toward the light,
and all that?"
"Yeah, yeah, I getcha," she said after a moment. She softened up as she approached the door marked
Katsuragi. "I can try, but.. I'm not sure I can do it."
"If you'll forgive me, that's what you two have in common," I said, feeling as deep and philosophical as I
had earlier with my own internal conversation. "It's unfamiliar ground with you, too, because of how you grew up.
Not that there's anything wrong with how you did, it's just that you threw yourself back at life and living and didn't
leave any time for anything else." I stopped talking, since I felt like I was overstepping my bounds already.
"You know," Asuka said, as she fiddled with the door lock, "if we ever stop being Eva pilots, you should
try to make your living as a psychologist, you know that?"
I smiled and allowed a faint giggle. "Sorry," I said. "It's in my natu--"
"No, I didn't mean that in a bad way," Asuka cut me off. "Anyway, thanks for the advice. I'm goin' to bed."
"Yeah, I think that's a good idea too," I said, yawning and stretching. "Thanks for picking up my spirits
tonight."
"No problem, Jill. Talk to you later," Asuka said, before sliding the door shut behind herself.
I went into my apartment, silently wondering what the next day would bring, if anything. The path was a
wide open road now, a sixteen-lane freeway with exits in all directions. There was no real telling what might
happen, unless black ops soldiers charged into town at six AM.
I set my alarm for 5:45, just in case.
Of course, my fears were unfounded, at least for that particular morning, and that particular scenario.
However, there was still plenty of opportunity for disaster, as I was scheduled to meet with Dr. Akagi for, as she
put it, 're-evaluation'.
My career turned back to square one, as it turned out; I was directed to a simulation plug when I was
changed and ready to go. Settling into the seat, I tried to push away my sullenness and focus only on doing a
good job. If I was right, the final battle could happen any time, and I didn't want to spend my last moments
huddled in a ball in the bowels of NERV.
Of course, without San, any synchronization, harmonics, or other tests done in the sim plug would be of
reduced value and probably not indicative of anything that could solve the problem. At least, as far as I figured,
that was the case; whatever was causing the disconnect between me and the Eva was in it, and had been
caused by the violent reaction several sorties before.
As expected, I did manage a synchronization rate in the sim plug - but far below a respectable level.
"Jillian," Ritsuko called out chillilly through the comm link, "thirty-eight percent is far from acceptable."
"I know," I frowned. "I'm not doing this on purpose, you know. I don't know what's happening!"
"Is it high enough to allow her to try in the Eva again?" Maya asked. I didn't hear the answer, but Maya's
subsequent "..Oh." was more than telling.
"Pilot, focus on your right leg," Dr. Akagi said.
"Roger," I answered. I actually shut my eyes and concentrated as hard as I could, without breaking the
sync lock. I almost felt like I was grinding my teeth together, I was so focused on doing well.
"Hmm."
"Am I there?" I asked in a quiet voice, trying not to 'come back' from the level of concentration.
"It's a little better, but there's just something missing," Dr. Akagi responded. "Try the left leg now."
Like I said earlier, it was like going back to 'Eva school' all over again. The sync ratio eventually
skyrocketed to 42%, but went no further, even after I tried to take all my lessons and combine them into one
common action.
After I got changed back into street clothes, I ventured towards Ritsuko's office, with a purpose in mind.
If I couldn't do anything useful in my Eva, I wanted to at least make some headway in some other ways while at
headquarters.
"Sorry about that," I said to the doctor, after being allowed inside.
"You're just going to have to try harder," she said. "We'll go over this data and try again Monday
afternoon."
"Understood," I nodded. Pausing for a second, I then said, "There was something else I wanted to ask."
"What is it?" Ritsuko said, distantly listening while sipping at her coffee and going over the test data.
"If it's all right, I'd like to visit Rei.."
She stopped drinking and glanced at me. After a pause, she reached over and picked up the phone,
dialing a couple of numbers. I only heard her end of the conversation, of course.
"It's me. The Fourth wants to see the First. ... It could; anything's possible, you know. ... Right. I'll tell
her."
Ritsuko hung up the phone and sighed, then turned to me. "Room 303 in the medical wing. You have 20
minutes."
"Thank you," I said, bowing at her as I retreated backwards towards the door.
"Of course," she nodded, turning back to her work.
Ritsuko, or whoever she had spoken to on the phone (likely Gendo, I figured), obviously had called
ahead; the armed guard on Rei's room's door waved me on past him as I approached.
Inside, Rei sat up in bed, looking out the window, though her attention turned towards me as I opened
the door. "Hello," I called out softly. "Can I come in?"
"Yes," Rei's muted reply came back to me.
I stepped inside and removed my shoes, partly out of reflex, and went into the hospital room. Why she
was being held in a medical wing was beyond me, but I didn't profess to know the least of how things were going
at the time.
"How are you?" I asked.
"I am fine," she said. She was sitting up, knees drawn in close and hands clasped together over her
shins. She wore a set of white hospital shirt and trousers, as she and the rest of us had done many times before.
Without the guard, or prior knowledge of the situation, I wouldn't have known she was incarcerated.
"What happened?" I queried, getting the main question out of the way. "Why are you in here?"
"I disobeyed Commander Ikari's order," Rei said to me, looking back out the window. "I suppose he
intends to keep me here until I comply."
"What order did he give you?"
"To provide a tissue sample." She looked back to me and went on: "I presume you're confused by that."
I didn't want to lie to her; we'd been through that territory before. "No," I said. "He wanted to restore the
Dummy System. Am I right?"
Rei's eyes widened. "How did you know about--"
"I know a lot of things I shouldn't," I told her. "I know we made some kind of contact last night, while you
were 'missing'."
She blinked at me. "You were in Eva Zero," she realized.
"I was," I nodded. I was going to say more, but didn't know how to put it, so I left it at that.
"He was.. an Angel," Rei said.
"That's true," I nodded, coming to sit on the edge of the adjacent, unoccupied bed.
She brought her eyes to meet mine again. "Then you know there is only one more Angel left."
I took a moment to register the look in her eyes. It was a mix of determination, resignation, and all-out
fear. "That's probably true as well," I said in a whisper.
"I don't know what to do, Jillian," Rei said, in the closest thing to a tone of despair I had or would ever
hear from her.
"I don't know, either, Rei," I confided to her. "What I do know is, I like you as a friend, and so do other
people, and I don't know about other people, but I don't like it when my friends have to go away. But on the other
hand, you have to do what you have to do."
She evidently understood that convoluted logic path, even if it took a couple of tries to make it all the way
through. "I now know what it is to have friends, too.. and it scares me to be without them."
I tried not to let tears fall as I smiled. "That's because you're human, Rei," I told her. "It's a natural
reaction."
"Thank you for being my friend, Jillian," Rei said, her voice cracking with emotion.
I leaned over and collected her up in an embrace, which she returned after realizing what I was doing.
"Of course, Rei. Always."
At that moment, of course, the only thought running through my mind was that of my entire experience
so far, this was Jack's little piece of heaven. I couldn't help but let out a brief giggle, which threw Rei off guard.
"Sorry," I said, releasing her and leaning back upright. "Just seems like kind of late in the game to be
doing this."
"I understand," she said. "I think I finally do." Looking at me again, she said, "Do you think I should
submit to the order, then?"
"I don't know," I confessed. "Do you think it'll matter one way or the other, in the end?"
"Perhaps not," she agreed, turning to look out the window yet again. "You may be right. There may be
very little time left."
"Y-yeah," I said, letting a little of my fear show through, apparently, as I fidgeted.
Rei spoke again as she continued to look out the window. "You know exactly what is wrong," she said.
"I what?" I replied.
"With Sangouki," she clarified, looking to me again. "You know why she is rejecting you."
"I do not," I stammered. "If I did, it'd be corrected."
"Perhaps you don't think you do," Rei said, "but you do; you just refuse to accept it."
That comment stuck with me, even after we said our farewells and good-lucks. I ran over the ideas in my
head, and except for the outlandishly ludicrous ones, there wasn't anything I could cite as being something that
would cause San to reject me - or that I could do something about to correct it.
The goodbyes took over as prevalent in my mind after not very long. Both of us seemed to know it was
possibly the last time we'd meet, though neither of us could come out and say why we believed that. For me, I
guess it was a fear that acknowledging Rei's part to play in Third Impact out loud might cause it to happen
spontaneously, so to speak. For her, well, I couldn't begin to imagine how she was feeling.
If she complied with Gendo's order and submitted to his tests and sampling, either she wasn't released,
or didn't make herself known to the rest of us in that time. Sunday morning came, and as promised during the
school week, I found myself dressing in jeans, a T-shirt, a hat, and some battered old running shoes (who would
have known that I could 'batter' a pair of them in such a short time as I'd been in Japan?), to go for a walk around
the lake with Shinji and Asuka.
We started out in an anti-clockwise circuit, with me trying not to think of the incongruity between what I
was experiencing and what I'd expected. At this time, the lake should have been ten times bigger, caused by the
self-destruction of 00 near the heart of Tokyo-3. Or should it? Maybe what I was living was the 'right' way, not the
other way around. Even at that point, so long into my life as Jill, I still had thoughts of the absurdity of comparing
life to a cartoon.
"This is nice," Asuka commented at one point, the breeze gently blowing through the trees near the
shore. "You'd hardly believe it was Christmastime."
"It what? It is?" I said with surprise.
Shinji looked bewildered by my reaction. "You don't know what day it is?"
"I was never good with dates," I said sheepishly. That came from the endless shift-work I did in Jack's
youth; eight-day work weeks didn't mesh well with seven-day calendar ones. "I can't believe I forgot about it!"
"It's not hard," Asuka shrugged. "The Japanese don't celebrate it like you and I do."
"Um.. not to mention that most of the population has left this place," Shinji pointed out with a mild frown.
"There are few people left to advertise it."
"That's true," I contributed.
"The one thing we do have every year is a Christmas wish," Shinji said, trying to bring the mood back
into the upbeat range. "Do you have anything you'd wish for, either of you?"
"Let's hear yours first," I smiled.
"Yeah, Third! What would you wish for?"
Shinji looked to the dirt at his feet for a long moment. Then, he said, "I.. guess I'd wish for everything to
return to normal. So that we all could live normal lives."
"Normal's overrated," Asuka scoffed. I, on the other hand, had a sudden vision of Shinji being awoken by
childhood friend Asuka, late for school, hurrying out the door with a rushed goodbye to his parents, before he
plowed into new transfer student Rei Ayanami..
"Fourth! Are you off on another planet again?!" Asuka snapped.
I blinked myself back to reality. "Oh, sorry," I apologized. "I was trying to imagine what normal would feel
like. I think normal left this place before we were born, guys."
Shinji continued in silence, but Asuka pondered that for a moment. Finally, she said soberly, "You can
say that again."
"How about you, Asuka?" I asked, still unsure if I wanted the answer. "What's your wish?"
Again, she took time before answering. "I'd wish to be able to understand."
I could see that Shinji was going to ask what she meant by that, but I managed to shush him without
getting noticed by the Second Child. "Right," he said instead, as if he knew what she meant.
"Sounds good to me," I agreed. I was now certain I didn't want to know what was percolating in her brain
at that moment. At best, it was very private, personal thoughts. At worst..
"What about you, then, Fourth?" Asuka said. "Your turn."
"Oh," I said, noticing her and Shinji both regarding me with curiosity at that point. I thought about it for a
second; a fruitless task, since I'd been racking my brain for something to say on the topic ever since it had been
brought up, and had ultimately come up empty.
"I guess I'd wish for all of us to get through this intact," I said, meaning the whole ordeal of NERV and
the Angels. "Won't it be something spectacular to tell our grandchildren?"
"Ugh," Asuka shot back. "You were okay until that part."
Shinji actually let out a little laugh, which caught me off guard. It was good to witness him show some
signs of emotion, and once I realized he was laughing at Asuka's reaction, not my statement, it was even better.
I got home that evening to find that Misato was still out. Presumably, she was at NERV, already
beginning her hacking attempt to find out what she needed to know about the whole thing.
Oh, God, I found myself worrying. That means tomorrow is the day.
I tried not to panic, instead lying on my bed and willing myself to stay calm. Instead, of course, Rei's
words from the day before came to me.
There is only one Angel left.
I'm scared. I don't know what to do.
What should I do, Jillian?
Do you think I should submit to his orders?
What right did I have to give Rei an answer to any of that? What if my advice set Third Impact into
motion?
Isn't that what your goal was from the start?
That last bit wasn't from Rei; it was my own self-questioning. I didn't mean that I intended to bring about
Third Impact, but that I had wanted to make a difference in how things turned out. And that had certainly been
the case, hadn't it? Kaworu not only arrived, but departed ahead of schedule; Rei II hadn't died, and Zero hadn't
been destroyed; Asuka was alive and well, and still able to perform.
Even that last bit, simple as it was, could prevent Instrumentality. Asuka could handily kick all the MPs'
asses and have time left over to gloat about it.
Or perhaps she'll never get to that stage of synchronicity with Nigouki, without the trauma of total failure
to provide the impetus.
I gritted my teeth and forced my eyes shut as the random, nonsensical thoughts ran through my head.
There was no point in going over every 'what if' that I could dream up. The stage was set, and the curtain was
about to rise. The exam was tomorrow and no all-night cram session would do a lick of good.
As I lay there, a thought came to me, and I did something I'd never thought of before.
I don't know if I have the right to talk to you, considering what I'm involved in and what I've done, I found
myself thinking. But if you are there, and if you can, please make sure me and my friends get through this all
right. I promise to do a better job with this life if I survive past tomorrow. You have my word.
The only sound left was the cicadas outside.
Chapter Twenty-Five: Epiphany
I woke up with a start, similar to the kind of panic that sets in when you think it's way too light out to be
the middle of the night and you realize it's because you slept through your alarm and you're late for work.
It was indeed past when I'd expected to be roused; 7:53am, to be exact. Had things turned out the way
I'd expected, I should have been forced out of bed nearly two hours previous, dragged to NERV, and put in my
Eva for my own safety - if I wasn't dragged out into the street and shot by a JSSDF soldier instead.
I could hear the sounds of breakfast being cooked next door, and I felt some uncomfortable relief - if
there can be such a thing - at that. I was happy that it was a normal day so far, but I wanted to run up to
everyone and shake them, warning them of the dangers looming.
Getting dressed, I decided to invite myself over for breakfast, and knocked on the door. Shinji let me in
before returning to the kitchen to cook.
"Thought you were Misato, maybe," Asuka said from the table, where she was doodling on the margins
of the morning newspaper, while reading it.
"She didn't come home again?" I asked.
"She won't be home for a while," Shinji said flatly.
"Oh yeah, ask him," Asuka said. "He says he met up with her last night, late."
"What?" I asked.
"I don't want to talk about it," Shinji mumbled.
"Shinji.. what happened?" I pressed, stepping over to him. "Did she--"
"I said I don't want to talk about it," he said angrily, turning away from the stove to shuttle food to the
table.
I stared after him for a second, then walked back around to the empty seat beside Asuka, and sat down.
"If you get anything more out of him than that, I'll be shocked," Asuka contributed, popping a piece of
bacon into her mouth. "S'all he's said to me on the subject."
I looked at him. "Shinji.. this could be important. Is it about Rei?"
He froze, halfway back to the stove again. Just for a second, he remained as still as could be, as if he'd
been turned to stone by my query. Then, he moved on to the stove, wordlessly.
"Shinji, answer me," I demanded, standing back up. "I know it's a shock, but--"
"You don't know anything," he grumbled.
"I think you'd be surprised at what I know," I shot back. "It is about Rei, isn't it? The whole truth. You
know now."
"What--" Asuka tried to interrupt, but Shinji cut her off with two stern words, dripping with anger, directed
at me.
"Shut up."
I seethed, leaving it be for the time being; I'd have to try to get to him some other way.
Asuka sat between the two of us, looking back and forth, for once unable to come up with anything to
say.
It took all the will power I had in me to not blurt it out to Asuka after breakfast.
She wanted to know what we were both on about, but I stood fast, trying to honor Shinji's demand to not
bring it up again. I didn't know what his motives were in keeping it bottled up, but I was concerned that forcing
the issue would make things worse.
I decided to stick around, though; I figured that of the other options I had, being with them was probably
the best choice I could make, for a number of reasons.
After what happened next, though, I felt a bit like an unwanted guest. Late in the morning, Shinji knocked
on Asuka's room's door. She paused the video game we were playing (she'd given up on prying information from
me) and called out, "What is it?!"
"I need to talk with you," Shinji said firmly.
Asuka sighed and began to rise from her bed, where she'd been sitting cross-legged; however, the door
slid open on its own - or rather, from Shinji's own action. Asuka blinked, surprised, and to be honest I was a little
taken aback myself. Shinji was not usually one to invite himself in or, for that matter, do anything that might irk
the Second Child.
"Okay, talk," Asuka said, standing there, arms folded, facing him.
Shinji acted as if I wasn't there. In retrospect, I think he probably forgot I was around, or didn't care. He
fixed Asuka with a steely gaze and said, "Do you consider me a friend?"
"What?" Asuka asked, screwing her face up in a cross between annoyance and confusion. "What kind of
question is that?"
"Answer me. Please," Shinji said, and it dawned on me what his goal was. This wasn't someone
confessing his love for another - at least, not primarily. Shinji was at the end of his rope. Everyone he knew and
loved was gone. He'd just learned, if my guess was right, that Rei was a clone of his mother and was a clone of
herself at the same time - surely he'd seen the Reiquarium, and that was what had shaken him to his core.
But this, now, was his last gasp. Having someone to call a friend, someone he could lean on, if you'll
excuse the song cliché, was what he needed in order to keep the will to live. Without it, he would be found
huddled under a stairwell in the bowels of NERV, not caring if he lived or died..
"Are you stupid?" Asuka said to him, and it shot through me like an icicle of nitrogen.
Did she really just say that?
I could only hope that the next words from her would be 'of course I am'.
Shinji, for his part, stood there with the same firm gaze he'd had since opening the door.
"You are the Third Child and pilot of Evangelion Unit One. You, to me, are my colleague."
I was dumbfounded. Shinji didn't react at all. I wanted to reach out and slap Asuka on the back of the
head.
Finally, Shinji shut the door, not turning away until the wooden panel completely obscured him from
view.
"What a head case," Asuka said as she turned to sit back down again. "Ow!"
This last bit was because I'd flung the game controller at her and hit her in the ear with it. I'd been aiming
for her nose, though.
"Fourth?! What the fuck was that for?!" she snarled.
"You know damn well what it was for!" I shot back, standing up.
"You don't seriously expect me to--" she started yelling, then hushed herself to a low tone, nearly a
whisper. "You don't seriously expect me to tell him the truth with you standing right here, do you?"
"What the fuck does that matter??" I spat at her. "I know, and you know, so why does me being here
change anything?"
"Because," she said, a little snobbishly. "It's my prerogative."
"You could have at least agreed that you were his friend," I snapped at her.
"What are we, six years old?" she responded. "Of course I'm his friend. He knows that."
"That's what he was just asking you!" I railed. "Go out there and tell him!"
Asuka was about to say something back when I heard Shinji calling out from the kitchen.
"We've been summoned," he was saying aloud. "I'm leaving."
I vaguely remembered hearing the phone in the house ring while Asuka and I had been arguing. Would
they have called us in in that fashion, if the army was already mobilizing against NERV? Unlikely. So why were
we being brought in?
"We'd better go," Asuka said, trying to distract me from our previous point of contention.
"This isn't over," I told her. "We'll finish this later."
We arrived at headquarters uneventfully, to my relief. No gun sentries were present, no security guards
lying in a pool of their own blood, no snipers waiting to take our heads off.
We went into the change room and began getting dressed; mainly this was my lead, I guess, upon
looking back on it now. I simply assumed we'd need our suits later, and Asuka was following me.
We were still arguing the finer points of Asuka and Shinji's relationship when we were ready to exit the
change room and head out. The door to the corridor opened and before us stood Rei, in her school clothes.
"Oh! Miss Perfect, you're just in time," Asuka smirked.
"No," Rei said softly. "It is you who are just in time."
"What?" Asuka said, wearing a confused look again.
"I was the one who called for you," Rei said, turning to head toward the Cages. "There is something I
must show you."
"What the--" Asuka began.
"Both of you," Rei said. "Follow me."
"Rei," I asked as we walked. "Please tell me the truth. Did Shinji see the dummy system last night?"
"I suspect so," she answered evenly. "I was not there. I believe Doctor Akagi and Major Katsuragi were."
"What?.. The dummy system?" Asuka echoed.
"May I tell her?" I asked Rei.
"If you wish," was the answer.
I turned to Asuka. "This is going to sound far-fetched, but way down below us, near Terminal Dogma, is
a chamber with dozens--"
"Was," Rei corrected me. I could almost hear a tone of sadness in her voice.
I winced. "Was, a chamber with dozens of.. human bodies in it. I don't know if you'd call them clones, or
replacements, or what, but they are.. were.. bodies for Rei. To keep her soul alive."
Asuka spat out a scoffing sound. "Pfah! Right. You were right, that does sound too over-the-top to
believe."
"It is true," Rei said. "Commander Ikari was determined to see this day come."
"..All right, fine, then what does having backups of Miss Perfect have to do with anything?"
"Without me, he cannot complete Instrumentality."
I couldn't help but notice the desertedness of the corridors we were in. Was it Rei's doing, coincidence,
or had the assault begun? I distracted myself from that by asking Rei, "What are you going to do?"
"I have not decided," she said simply.
"So I was right!" Asuka said in a surprised but victorious tone. "You are a puppet--"
Rei turned and stopped, and Asuka, following behind her, had to stop abruptly to avoid bumping into her.
The two stared at one another for a moment, until Rei spoke.
"I cannot deny the role I have been forced to play in this," she said firmly, glaring at Asuka. "But, in the
end, I am human, just like you."
"Liar! You don't show any emotion, you always do what you're told, you--"
"That is your perception," Rei said, turning around and walking again. "With luck, perceptions can
change."
We were arriving at the cage for Nigouki.
"What are we doing here?" Asuka asked. "You want to see us off individually before you become a
martyr or whatever it is you're doing?"
"I am empowering you with the ability to do what must be done," Rei said. "I can't stop what is about to
happen here, but I can help you to see what's important in time for you to make a difference."
"Stop talking nonsense--"
"Asuka, listen to her," I cut my friend off. "I trust her. She knows what she's talking about."
Asuka whipped her head around to stare dumbfoundedly at me. "How the hell do you know?"
"I just do, Asuka," I said. "Rei is.. Just do what she says!"
Slightly less than half of Nigouki towered over us, the catwalk we'd been led to being just above the
waist level. Rei said, "We are closest to its core at this point," as an explanation.
"So?" Asuka shot back.
"Haven't you ever wondered whose soul is in your Eva?" Rei asked, still devoid of emotion. Now I finally
knew what was going on here.
"It doesn't matter, so long as it does the job it's supposed to," Asuka sniffed defiantly.
"You lie."
Asuka glared at Rei. "Say that again. I dare you to say that again, and, special or not, I'll knock you silly."
"Evangelion Unit 02 was configured specifically for you," Rei intoned. "It functions for no one else.. it
protects no one else." Rei's eyes flashed, and the closest thing to an irritated, angry tone came from her lips.
"Doesn't that mean anything to you?"
"Look, Miss Perfect, I don't have the slightest idea what you're--"
Rei grabbed Asuka's wrist and forced her gloved hand against the Eva. I think it was purely for show,
more of a psychological maneuver than a necessary physical one.
"Asuka. Focus," Rei said softly. "Think about it. What does being in your Eva remind you of? What does
its responses remind you of? Who does its responses remind you of?"
Asuka sighed heavily. "This is absolute lunacy," she began to say, but was cut off one more time by Rei.
"Don't you wonder why your mother changed? After her contact experiment with the Eva?"
I could see in Asuka's eyes that she wanted to go into a complete batshit rage on Rei for even
mentioning Kyoko, but I could also see gears starting to turn. Of all of the Children, Asuka was probably the
brightest, and despite her personality, her logical side was trying to point out the same thing Rei was saying.
"Un... un-unmöglich," Asuka whispered. "It's not possible."
Rei said nothing, but released her grip on Asuka's wrist. Asuka didn't move her hand from the Eva's
armored surface.
"You can't be s-serious," Asuka said, trembling, as she looked up at the giant looming over her.
"You know it in your heart," Rei said, back to her soft, even tone. "And it is time that you accept it."
Asuka looked over at me, teary-eyed; I nodded, smiling slightly. It was the best I could do, considering I'd
wanted to beat her with the clue bat for some time now, and hadn't figured out a way to do it. This, I figured,
would do just fine.
Asuka turned to Rei at that point. "R-rei," she said. "I'm.. I.." She wore an apologetic look, one that
seemed weighted with the hundreds of times she'd talked badly of the blue-haired girl in the months we'd been in
Japan.
"I understand," Rei said, saving Asuka from having to say the word 'sorry'. Then she offered a faint
smile. "Promise that you will put this knowledge to good use."
"I.." Asuka looked up at the Eva again, then back down to Rei, sniffling. "I'll do my best."
"As you always do," Rei acknowledged with a nod. She looked to me and was about to say something,
when the warning sirens cut her off.
"Emergency! Emergency! This is a level one alert!" a voice boomed. "All personnel to battle stations!"
"B-battle stations?" Asuka said, looking around at the speakers, having never heard that term before
within NERV.
"Shit. It's starting, isn't it, Rei?" I asked.
"I fear so," she said. "I must go. I want you to think of what's been said here."
"What's going on?!" Asuka demanded.
"The final battle, I think," I said. To Rei, I added, "Just keep yourself safe. And remember that you have
friends here that want to see you again."
"I will keep that in mind," she said, calmly turning and walking away without any further words.
A few moments later, Asuka was boarding Nigouki, with a new perspective on things, and I had met up
with a group of soldiers - good guys, mind you - sent specifically to find me. These weren't regular uniformed
corps, or orange-jumpsuited techs; these were tactical team members, with body armor and heavy weaponry.
There were at least eight of them, and they surrounded me as we hurried along.
I had been hastily put into a bullet-proof vest/jacket and a tactical helmet, both of which were several
sizes beyond what would fit me. It was difficult to see where I was going with the helmet continually rolling
forward and cutting off my vision, but I think if I'd tripped, the movement of the group as a whole would have kept
me going anyway.
"Pigeon team to command," I heard over the radio earpiece built into the helmet. "Fourth secured." It
must have been the leader of the group I was now with.
"Roger," I heard Misato say. "Take her to cage 5 and put her in the Eva." There was an argument in the
background, during which time I'm fairly sure I heard someone say I wasn't cleared to pilot yet. "I don't care,"
Misato went on to the complainer. "Inside the Eva is the safest place for her at this point."
Oh, God, this is it, I realized, adjusting the flak jacket for the millionth time. I'm just taking Asuka's place.
"Roger," the squad commander said. Then, "All right, men, you heard the boss. Let's get moving!"
The mob of people surged ahead, and I with it; for several tense minutes, I held my breath, and hoped
we'd make it safely. Right up to the last bend in the corridor before the terminus at cage 5, I figured we were
home free.
"Contact!" someone reported over the comm link.
Fuck!
"Keep moving!" the squad commander ordered. Bursts of gunfire punctuated the air shortly thereafter,
making me feel as if I had my head inside a snare drum. Luckily, most of it was directed outwards from my team.
The climb to the gantry leading to the entry plug was the longest three minutes of my life. We did it a
landing at a time, scrambling hysterically up the metal stairs in between exchanges of gunfire. We also lost two
protectors on the way.
"Get the fuck in there! Go!" the squad commander urged me, pushing me toward the edge of the thinning
group, along the narrow catwalk leading to the open entry plug. Below, black-suited soldiers - likely JSSDF were firing up at us, taking out the second-in-command while I watched.
"I won't forget this, sir," I told the squad commander, with an expression that I hoped conveyed my
thanks.
"Thank us by stomping these bastards flat!" he said, giving me one last shove. I all but fell into the entry
plug, gracelessly tumbling down through the open hatch and landing on the control panel. Once orienting myself,
I shed the helmet and vest, and tossed them outside, commanding the hatch to close.
"--llian, can you hear me?" Misato's voice came to me once the plug was full of LCL and powered up. "Is
she in yet? Can you tell?"
"I'm here, Major," I called out. "But I don't know what good I'll do--"
"You'll just have to try!" Misato snapped back. "Asuka's getting her ass kicked out there!"
Hopefully not by harpies, yet, I kept to myself. I still had the hope that I'd get back in the game with
enough time to help her mop up that particular mess.
"I'll do my best," I told Misato.
The entry plug corkscrewed its way into the Eva. I'd noticed on the way up that the damage from the
battle with Kaworu was still there; as recommended, efforts had been directed elsewhere in the intervening time.
It also occurred to me that Misato was the only voice I'd heard on the radio. I had a good idea of where
the other command staff had ended up, but I didn't want to admit it. This was what I'd expected everything to boil
down to, and I felt grossly unprepared.
San, I directed toward the Eva, if you can sense me, please, for God's sake, let's work through this
together. I need you.
As I'd feared, there was no response.
"Unit 03! Enemy forces are surrounding you! You have to defend yourself!" Aoba urged.
I felt the locks disengage and free the Eva from its moorings, but I couldn't make it move. "It's no use!" I
shrieked. "It's not working!"
Stinging pain in my right shin distracted me at that moment. The external views showed that an RPG
had been fired at the Eva, possibly in the hopes of toppling it. All they'd managed to do is warp and scorch an
armor plate.
"What track is that cage set for?" I heard Misato yell, obviously with her headset turned to VOX. "Good
enough. Launch it! Now!"
Without any further warning, I was crushed into my seat by the familiar launching sequence. The
attacking soldiers were left far behind in a matter of seconds, but their handiwork still haunted me; besides the
pain in my leg, I could see at several junctions along the launch system smoke and flame issuing from accesses
and apertures.
Then, with a gush and a sudden stop, the launch tube ended in a body of water. The Eva, being nonbuoyant, slowly settled down to the bottom, tipping over on its back.
Of course. The lake. Now I'm really living out Asuka's role.
I wanted to curl up in a ball and wish everything away - not realizing how much like the fictional Asuka
that would have been.
I listened in complete and utter frustration to Asuka and Misato on the comm link. Occasionally a burst of
static would come from some group of soldiers, but they were squelched - quite literally - almost as soon as they
called for help.
Shinji wasn't on the radio. I took that to mean that he hadn't reached his Eva. I just hoped he'd be safe,
or else I'd consider the whole thing a failure. I wouldn't want to go on if Shinji - or anyone else - died. It was all
unnecessary, as far as I saw it.
Rei, too, was nowhere to be found, but I expected that. The one-sided conversation bits I was hearing
from Misato, as she spoke to the other command crews, led me to believe they had no idea where she was.
Try Terminal Dogma, same place as your boss, I wanted to say but didn't.
"Ach! These.. these schweinhunds!" Asuka railed. "They're firing rockets at me now! Where the hell are
Shinji and Jill?!"
"Shinji's not in his Eva yet," Maya replied, "and Jill can't fight. K-keep on going, Asuka! You're doing
great!"
"You didn't just get hit in the face with a missile! Get somebody out here now!"
"The Major has gone to get Shinji," Maya said. "Hang on!"
"Jill! You've gotta get your shit together!" Asuka hollered. "Even with--oof!" She was cut off for a moment
while she dealt with something. "Eat this, arschloch! Jill! Even with Mama with me, it's still gonna be hard!"
Mama, I reflected. I wish it was that easy. No one had ever figured out why my Eva stopped responding
to me, and everything I'd tried was ineffective. I had no more ideas, and no more chances.
Eventually, Asuka will fall - more than likely at the hands of the Mass Production units - and then they're
going to come for me.
I'm going to be torn to pieces, literally, like a vulture's meal.
I worked so hard at all this for nothing.
I couldn't help it; I began to cry. When Asuka asked what was wrong, I realized I was broadcasting my
sobs over the comm link, and reached out to slap the transmitter to 'off'. Then, my sorrow was only reverberating
around inside the entry plug and all through me.
Something came to me at that moment, as Asuka and Maya continued to try to get me to answer, and I
almost laughed at the irony of my thoughts. I didn't transmit, but instead just sang quietly to myself:
"F-fly me.. to the moon,
And let me p-play among the st-stars..
L-let me see what sp-spring is like
On Jupiter and M-m-mars.."
The absurdity of it got to me after that, and I just collapsed into a blubbering heap. I couldn't remember
when I felt as bad as I did right then. Never before as Jack, and, as I thought about it, only once as Jillian. Once,
in the mangled back seat of a car on the side of the 401..
I'm never going to leave you. I'll always be right here.
The thought caught me off guard. I remembered it vividly, now; the last words I'd heard my mother say
before we were separated, transported to hospital from the wreck. But hadn't I heard it since then, too?
Always right here.
No.. not as words.. as a sensation.
Never going to leave you.
A sensation.. from the Eva?
I've always been right here.
I opened my eyes again and tried to sort out my confused thoughts.
I never left you.
It hit me like a ton of bricks.
...M.. Mom?
There was a warm, comforting, encapsulating feeling that suddenly rushed in at me from everywhere.
The Eva twitched in the murky lake bed.
I'm right here.
Chapter Twenty-Six: Finest Hour
I couldn't explain it.
I had no idea how it was possible.
But I knew, in the center of my being, that my - as in Jill's - mother was the soul within Evangelion 03,
Sangouki.
The Eva rose to a standing position on the bottom of the lake, and it was difficult for me to tell if it was by
my command or some kind of symbiotic agreement between myself and it.
It?
Her?
I didn't know what to think any more.
The spreading of the AT Field was palpable within me, a strength and feeling I'd never experienced
before. It was an extension of myself, and I felt in complete control.
I also felt happiness and comfort from San. In a flash, the reason it'd stopped working became obvious
to me - back when it had shut down, I had been ready to sacrifice myself to prevent Rei from dying. The
maternal instincts of my mother, her protective nature, refused to allow me to do so.
And ever since, I'd fallen into the same trap I'd been chastising Asuka silently for being in herself: I was
coming at things from the angle that the Eva was a malfunctioning tool, not that it was a being with which I had a
special rapport.
Why didn't I clue in earlier that it was my mom inside? I don't know. It never occurred to me. Logically,
since the last I'd seen of her was on a roadside in Toronto, I guess on some level I figured it was impossible for
her to be part of the Eva Project in such a manner.
But what business did logic have in any of this?
I heard and felt a shudder from above. Looking up, I was startled to see daylight, even though I should
have known it was coming; the bombs the JSSDF were dropping were more than enough to open up the
Geofront.
I decided to try something, and was pleasantly surprised when the projection of my AT Field downwards
propelled me up through the lake and out of the water into the sky, arcing like a projectile thrown from a catapult.
"Maverick's supersonic," I called out, after remembering to re-open the commlink. "I'll be there in 30
seconds."
"What?! Shut up and help me, you fool!" Asuka shot back. She was occupying herself with swatting
VTOL craft out of the sky. It looked like a person grabbing birds by their tails and throwing them at one another.
I landed next to the main highway that circled round the mountains that hemmed in one side of the lake.
"Stand down!" I hollered at the soldiers there, both on foot and in mobile armor. "I won't hesitate to use force!"
The peppering of cannon rounds from the mobile artillery felt like a thousand BB gun pellets pelting me
all at once. I stood up to the mild discomfort and said, "Last chance! I will do you harm if you make me!"
It was at that point that I realized I'd been deployed with no weapons. Either Misato had overlooked that
fact in the rush to get me to safety, or I'd not been expected to recover at all. In any case, I had nothing but the
Eva's feet and hands to do the job with, and kicking all the dozens of APCs up and down the mountain was
hardly going to be efficient.
The Eva - I'll still call it/her San, because that's how it felt to me - seemed to prod me with a sensation at
that moment. If I had to put it in words, it would be, Don't overlook our special abilities. Sometimes the best
offense is a good defense.
Of course! I realized after a moment's thought. Thanks, Mom. I spread the AT Field forward and across
the mountain, moving the earth and rock and asphalt and everything that was on it. I admit I had to look away
when it crushed the line of soldiers and armaments firmly into the ground; I had no desire to watch people die
messily and grotesquely. I was reluctant enough to have to end them in the first place, but they left me no
choice.
If I was the conscientious defender, Asuka was the completely royally insane one. While I was trying to
bargain with the troops to avoid having to kill them, Asuka and Nigouki were swatting, kicking, slapping, and
punching air assault vehicles out of the sky left, right, and center. Again, missiles were used, as I think she'd
mentioned before I recovered; again, she shrugged them off with little more than an annoyed grunt.
She ended up throwing an AC-130 type gunship at a rail-based gun system - ironically, one we'd
employed before to defend against the Angels - to wipe out the last of the offenders in the general area.
"Good to have you back," she said, panting a little. Her image appeared on screen wearing a ferocious
grin. "Took you long enough!"
"I should have listened to Ayanami better," I admitted, walking the Eva over to her, sloshing through the
lake. "What she was telling you was meant for me, too."
"Well, pleased to meet Mrs. Thomson, then, I guess," Asuka quipped. "What about stupid Shinji,
though?"
"Last I heard, Misato went to find him," I said. "I'm sure she'll get him to his Eva. How about you, are you
plugged in still?"
"No chance," she replied. "One of the first things they did was shoot up the cable. I've still got over 3
minutes left at max, though."
"I'm going to try to find a working socket," I told her. "You might need the extr--"
"Was ist.. scheiße," Asuka cut me off. "What the hell are those?"
I looked in the direction she was pointing with her Eva. My gut fell into my ankles as I saw nine black
delta-winged craft disgorging nine pure, brilliant, white humanform creatures.
"Shit is right," I scowled. "Don't let me down, friend."
Misato came on the radio link not long after the Mass Production Evas began circling us.
"Are you two all right?"
"Yeah," Asuka said. "What about you? You sound like--"
"Just a bit of bruising from the airbag," she said over the patchy, broken audio link. "We had a bit of a
wild ride. But never mind us. Are you sure of what you're seeing?"
"It's true," I cut in. "Evas five through fourteen. They--they're.. scary." I wasn't lying; seeing them in paint
and plastic cel was one thing. Standing face to face in real life with even one of them would have been daunting.
At that point, staring down all nine, I'm lucky I didn't fill my plugsuit from the inside out.
"They're here to kill us all, starting with you," Misato said. "I'm not going to sugarcoat it. You have to
destroy them all."
"Oh, is that all?" Asuka quipped. "Anything else when we're done that?"
"Hopefully, that'll be the end of it," Misato responded. The happy-go-lucky, boozing neighbor was
nowhere to be heard; we were now in the presence of the tactical officer, the Major of operations for NERV.
There was no nonsense in her voice.
"Copied," I answered her. "We'll do our best and report back."
"Good luck, you two. I have to sign off, now - we need to hike a bit further to get to the Cage."
The link was cut short with a beep tone, and Asuka frowned. "Nine in just under three minutes?" she
said.
"I know we can do it," I said to her. "Should we try to appeal to their sensibilities first?"
"Um, Fourth.." Asuka made a point of looking across all her wraparound displays on-screen, as if
surveying the total carnage around us. "I think we burned that bridge and stomped it into dust a while back."
"Fair enough," I replied. "Let me try just this once, though." I looked towards the MPs. "I don't know if any
of you are piloted or if you're all dummy plugs, but if there's anyone out there, we don't intend to just lie down. If
you're going to go through with this, you're going to have to go through us."
One by one, the evil, nightmarish red lips of all the MPs parted in feral grins.
"I think you got your answer, Fourth," Asuka said, tensing up.
My mind was tumbling thoughts over and over in my head. The Evas were obviously going to wait for us
to make the first move, and why shouldn't they? They had S 2 cores; they could wait forever. Asuka didn't and
couldn't.
"Asuka, let me find you a working umbilical," I told her. "These guys are going to be brutal. They--"
"I can do this with time to spare!" she crowed, lunging forward at the one nearest her. There was no AT
Field, or it was negated by Asuka's; in any case, the face of the Eva was caved in by a flying leap-kick delivered
by Nigouki. Just as I'd expected, Asuka picked up the bleeding, wounded form, and held it over her head, turning
towards me, as if she was a professional wrestler showing off her strength.
In a few moments, the body of the MP gave out, and blood from the beast cascaded down all over 02.
"Ha! One down, Fourth! I was first!"
I grunted. "Watch out!" I called out, running toward her to block the attack coming at her from behind.
Unwillingly, I was drawn into the fight, instead of looking for the power cable.
The Eva I went up against first - I have no idea which number it was, as they didn't appear to be
identified - swung at me with the large, two-handed, two-ended blade, the one I knew could turn into a Lance, or
a copy thereof, given the right contingencies. I parried, weaponless, and got sharp pains in my forearms for my
efforts.
Speculation prompted me to open the prog knife holster on the shoulder pylon, and lo and behold, it was
there - the knife, that is. It wasn't showing up on the armament display, but I had to remind myself that San was
not exactly in tip-top shape when things began.
Still, it was like fighting a swordsman with a drywall knife. Again the mass-production unit took a mighty
swing, and again I managed to block it - this time with the knife, which lost three segments of blade in the
process. I pushed out more blade and tried an offensive slash.
I managed to cut the Eva on the arm, but that didn't seem to faze it. It reared back for another grand
swing, and I, on instinct, or perhaps in concert with something inside Sangouki, turned my (the Eva's) wrist
around and rammed the knife up under the MP's chin - or where the chin would have been, had it had one.
The greyish tongue lolled out as the jaw was forced open, and blood followed, reminding me this was a
living, breathing creature I'd just slaughtered. It slumped down and backwards due to the weight of the blade
held over its head, and splashed down into the lake.
Suddenly, Air on a G String began playing in my mind.
Fuck off! I cursed. Not now!
Meanwhile, Asuka had discarded the first one's corpse and made short work of a second, breaking its
neck barehandedly, and was moving on to a third, growling in a scary tone as she went on.
I turned to look for another, trying to keep my eyes out for a power source for Asuka at the same time.
To me, that was the only way we were going to win this fight.
I'd almost forgotten that the one I'd just fought had fallen with its sword or Lance or whatever we should
have been calling it. Turning around, I hurried over to pick it up, then rushed back into the fray.
Another MP was staggering toward Asuka and the one she was currently grappling with. In the back of
my mind, I wondered why they weren't ganging up on either of us - it was like in the movies, where the bad guys
off-screen are idle, just hanging around waiting for their turn. I mean, yes, they were moving in on both me and
Asuka, but given what I expected of their actions later on (which hopefully wouldn't come to pass), it made sense
to me that they'd swarm early on.
It was difficult for me to swing the two-handed blade; I wasn't used to something sharp that was held in
the middle, instead of at the end, so I was still thinking of using it like a sword. The blade bit just as deep into the
shoulder of the Eva, though, when I swung it, nearly decapitating it and certainly severing vital arteries and
organs - if, that is, the Evas were built like us inside.
In any case, it went down, and Asuka was, as far as I knew, totally unaware it had even been charging.
She was busy in a wrestling match with the beast before her, carving up the landscape with giant footprints and
the occasional hand crushing something, et cetera. Once in a while, the remnants of a JSSDF mobile armor unit,
a power pole, piece of guard rail, or other junk would fly up out of the ground debris, tossed violently by the
energy being spent by the two combatants. If it hadn't been so deathly serious, it would have been comical at
times.
In the end, Asuka beat it down, of course, jamming her prog knife through its head, pinning it to the floor
of the lake. By then, I had turned to defend myself against yet another assailant, clashing its blade against mine
over and over.
"Kaworu," I muttered, remembering the dummy plugs from this point of the fictional fight. It probably
would have been easier if Kaworu had really been in charge; he'd've listened to reason, I suspected.
Or maybe not, considering what I did to him.
From out of nowhere, a furious chop cleft the white Eva before me in half at the waist, the top half
tumbling aside in a spinning motion. Asuka stepped forward, brandishing another stolen blade.
"Six! Three to go, Jill!" she hollered, stomping off towards another.
We can do this, I realized with a shock. It hadn't been anywhere close to three minutes yet; Asuka
wasn't going to run out of steam. Another MP lunged for me, and I brought up the blade quickly. It fell onto the
end of the blade, shaking it loose from my hands, and luckily just missing ramming it back into my own gut. (The
Eva's, of course.) It seemed unconcerned, letting it drive all the way through the beast and out its lower back.
Once it slid down the blade far enough to reach me, it clawed out with its hands at my throat, trying to choke the
life out of Sangouki.
Don't worry.. I won't let them!
I couldn't be sure if the thought came from me or San, but in any case, the MP's progress was halted
when 03 reached forward and pushed at the MP with all our combined might. I decided to push down on the Eva
at the same time, hoping to cause the impaled blade to inflict more damage. It seemed to come up against
something hard, and I looked down, to realize it was hung up on the MP's core.
Then it hit me.
Fuck!! The cores!
"Asuka!" I yelled. "We're not done! We have to destroy the cores--"
"This is the last one!!" she shrieked, and I looked over to see her reaching through one 'dead' MP to
crush the chest of another, again, with her bare hand, as if she was the Thugee guy in Temple of Doom going
after Indy's heart.
Or just like I remembered it having been committed to cel and film, a lifetime ago.
"No!" I hollered. "Asuka! Take out its core!"
She couldn't hear me; she was bellowing for all she was worth.
The one atop me suddenly shifted its weight and stopped resisting me, and with that, was propelled
clear off the blade, staggering to an upright position. It wasted no time in wrestling the blade out of the ground,
and flung it towards Asuka.
"NO!!!" I screamed, leaping up and tackling the Mass Production monster, far too late to make a
difference.
"Th.. the Lance of..?" I heard from Asuka, even though I couldn't see what was going on. I was busy
pounding at the torso of the Eva beneath me, trying to fracture its core and kill it dead, dead, dead. I was in a
blind rage; somewhere on the periphery of my mind, I was aware of a plan to go around and take out all the
cores of all the MPs, even if I had to fight for ten times as long as we already had, but there was no way I was
going to let them violate Asuka like I feared they were going to try to. She'd survive, with a bad head wound, but
I would make sure the MPs paid for what they did, and that Third Impact wouldn't come to pass. They couldn't do
it without the MPs, right? And the MPs can't pick apart Nigouki if they're dead either. So I had become a totally
detached, running-on-autopilot killing machine.
I didn't clue in to the fact that the others had awakened until an excruciating, nearly-indescribable pain
caught me in my right leg. The one I'd been fighting took advantage of my involuntary pause to shove me away
and try choking me again.
Three others were crowding me now, one having yanked at and snapped San's right femur like a twig. I
was clawing around frantically at the strangler, trying to ignore the pain, and regretting wondering earlier about
the swarming tactic. Distantly, I heard Maya scream for Asuka, with no reply.
Another pair of hands took hold of my left arm, which had gained purchase on the strangling Eva, and
bent the forearm past its breaking point. I gasped and yelped out in pain, which was already hard to do
considering it felt like my windpipe was being crushed.
San's left leg was next to get done in, and then the right arm. The MPs systematically, methodically,
rendered me unable to lift a limb - literally - to defend against them.
Another sharp blow took my breath away as pain shot up my lower back. I couldn't see it, but one of the
blades had been rammed through from behind, just at the waistline, driving down into the earth until it dug into
bedrock.
The Eva's screen was filled with a leering, grinning beast, squeezing with all its might against my throat.
And there was nothing I could do to stop it.
Oh God, I realized. This is it. We failed.
"Asuka.. everyone.. I'm sorry.." I whimpered through the pain and the suffocating grip. Even if no one
could hear me anymore, I wanted it said.
"Mom.. I'm sorry.." I cried, barely able to manage the words. "...I'm scared.."
There was a crunching sound, and everything went black.
A moment, or an eternity (I couldn't tell which) later, an image faded into view before me. I blinked a
couple times, trying to resolve it into focus, but it was hard to pin down. I first thought I saw Rei, but then..
"Mom?" I gasped. "Mom!"
My mother approached, arms stretched out before her, reaching for me. "I'm right here, sweetheart," she
said. "I'm here with you."
"Mom," I said again, reaching out for her and collapsing into her warm embrace.
The last thing I heard as consciousness slipped away was faint giggling.
Chapter Twenty-Seven: The Case of Jillian Thomson
The warm, swimming sensation subsided eventually, leaving me looking upon a street scene. It could
have been any of the days since I arrived in Japan. Crowds of people flowed this way and that, in the regular
hustle and bustle of the city.
It took a moment to realize that, in the center of my vision, there walked Rei, and Asuka, and I - Jill.
What is this? I wondered.
The response came from everywhere and nowhere all at once, and sounded like it was composed of the
voices of everyone I knew. It was like my inner voice, speaking directly into my mind.
This is the you that exists to others.
I studied the vision before me. I was walking along and enjoying myself, having a good time, and
laughing with my friends, even if a little quirky at times with odd jokes and unusual responses.
That's true, I admitted.
This is not the you that you wish others to see.
I was confused by that for a second. What? No.. I just.. it's just that I don't want to..
I found it hard to come to grips with my reasoning. Distantly, I was aware that I actually was 'speaking'
with everyone I knew, and that we were all linked together, so to speak, and that everything was out in the open
now, out on display, for good or for bad.
You don't want to be seen as being strange.
Yes, I agreed. I just wanted to seem normal to everyone else.
But I call you 'weird' all the time, Asuka's voice came to me.
That's different, I countered. I know that you're joking, or mean it in a fun way.
You just want to fit in, came Rei's voice.
I suppose, I replied.
A vision of Jack standing by the side of a road, watching a rally, was then before me.
What's this? came another query.
There wasn't much I could do except tell the truth. That is also me; the me that used to be before I came
here.
The next response seemed to carry Misato's timbre and tone within it. This is why you seemed older
than your years.
Rei followed immediately after: And how you knew the things you did.
Yes, I replied. It was surreal to be communicating all this without emotion or reactions; I'd always been
worried that my friends would show disgust or revulsion at the revelation.
Why did you hide this for so long?
It was again a voice I couldn't identify. For all I knew, it was a farmer in Venezuela, or anyone else who
had been brought into Instrumentality; I had nowhere near enough understanding of how the whole thing
worked.
I didn't want to interfere, I responded. I had prior knowledge of how things would turn out..
Did you really think you were the only one like this?
The thought had never truly occurred to me. While I dwelt upon it, another question came to me.
You had what you thought was prior knowledge. In fact, life does what it does.
It dawned on me that this voice sounded particularly motherly. Do you mean that I shouldn't have been
worrying about what consequences my actions would have?
That's not something you should ignore, came the reply. But worrying about what might happen in
minute detail is what you should avoid.
Are you saying that everything is already decided? That our fate is cast in stone?
Not in the least. There are countless possibilities, and they are all for you to decide. Each person has the
ability to shape his or her life experience by the choices they make.
So why did we go through all this? Why did Instrumentality happen?
Because some people made a choice to make it happen, was the response. But the choice is yours to
make to return or not.
Already? I asked. Didn't it just begin now?
Time has no meaning here, Ritsuko Akagi's voice told me. Nor does individuality.
As if to prove that point, I suddenly found myself on a train, with Rei sitting beside me, and Asuka
hunched over Shinji, who sat on the opposite side of the car. Asuka had one foot up on the seat, like she was
trying to trap Shinji from getting up.
"Who says I want to be one with you?" Asuka sneered. "How disgusting! It makes me feel sick."
Rei interrupted Asuka. "It's pointless to mask the truth any longer," she said.
"Shut up," Asuka growled. "It's none of your business, you.. you puppet!"
"Don't talk to her like that," Shinji protested.
"All of you, shut up," I bit out. I was dimly aware that this was another bit of manufactured setting, our
combined minds dreaming up a believable place for purposes of communication. We were unused to anything
but speaking, and so this is how we imagined it happening.
To boot, there was no mental barrier to prevent us from saying something stupid. All our thoughts were
out in the open - we were naked before one another, so to speak.
That explains why I then said: "I don't know why you are unable to admit how you feel about one
another, but it's really tedious tip-toeing around it. Are you ever going to own up and accept the truth?"
"I just want to have a normal life," Shinji complained. "What's wrong with that?"
The next thing I knew, I was waking up to a chirping alarm clock toy.
"Urusai," I grumbled, batting at the chicken-like animatron until it silenced. Then I turned over and
snuggled back into the warm covers.
A few minutes was all that passed when I heard from downstairs, "Jill! Asuka's already here! Hurry up!"
I blinked wide awake with the urgency of someone who realized she was profoundly late. Leaping from
bed, I all but ran through the shower, jumped into my school uniform, gathering my mess of books and
homework and stuffing it all haphazardly into my school bag, and then dashed out of my room and past the
breakfast table where my mother and father sat, snatching up the toast and bacon on the way, folding them into
a sandwich.
"Don't gulp it down too quickly, sweetie," Mom cautioned.
"I won't I promise bye!" I rushed out, hurrying to the door where Asuka stood, rolling her eyes. She
bowed as I pulled the door shut behind me.
"I swear," she said as we headed down the street, "you're getting to be as bad as stupid Shinji."
"Don't lump me in with him," I countered to my best friend. "Besides, you'd be the one to know, seeing as
how you and he left school together yesterday and weren't seen for hourrrrrs.."
"Ah, shut up!" Asuka shot back, heading towards the Ikari house, with me in pursuit.
"Ohayo," she said, knocking on the door and easing it open slightly. "Is Ikari-kun.."
"Still in bed, Asuka," Shinji's mom smiled, nodding towards the bedroom. "Go ahead."
"I'll, uh, wait out here," I said, bowing a little and remaining on the stoop. "To give you some privacy, that
is."
"Shut up!" Asuka snapped, then dashed inside. After a few moments, yells and shrieks could be heard
from Shinji's room. I blushed and focused my attention on a power pole across the street; inside the dining room,
Yui and Gendo Ikari chatted jovially about Asuka and Shinji's relationship.
It took about ten minutes to get back on the way to classes. "For the record," I supplied, "we're now on
target to be about 2 minutes late."
"I-it's not my fault!" Shinji stammered. "Don't you give me a hard time, too, Thomson-san."
"Shut up and run!" Asuka demanded.
I was ahead of them, seeing as how I'd started running once they came out of Shinji's house. Asuka was
dragging him along, like a scene out of A-Ko or something; and suddenly I heard a yelp of surprise and a horrible
racket.
Stopping to turn around, I saw Shinji and another person lying in a tangled heap. Shinji began to
apologize, but cut himself short when the girl squealed and held her skirt down as if his eyes had been trying to
lift it up with sheer willpower.
Knowing how Shinji runs his eyes over Asuka when he thinks no one's watching, maybe she had it right,
I said to myself. Shinji tried to help her up, but she scrambled to her feet, picked up her belongings, and darted
off, issuing a clipped and terse goodbye.
Asuka smacked Shinji on the back of the head, ostensibly for being careless enough to run into
someone - but I was sure I'd seen his eyes linger on the departing form. In any case, we carried on to school to
ensure we weren't any later than we already were.
In retrospect, we shouldn't have worried about being late. Our homeroom teacher was a real casual,
laid-back woman who always showed up no less than 15 minutes into class. She was a strikingly beautiful
woman, of course, and always got (and no doubt asked for) the attention of all the boys in class. I know some of
the girls were jealous of her, and some even took notes to try to use her tricks against her - as in, to draw the
boys' attention back on them. I just let it all roll off my back; when the right person came along, I figured trumpets
would sound or something. Right?
Katsuragi-sensei arrived fashionably late, as usual, and flirted with the guys for a bit, before announcing
a new classmate that was transferring in. I saw it coming a mile away, and one Rei Ayanami - still with a little bit
of dirt on her from when Shinji had knocked her down - stepped into the room.
Instantly the room exploded into chaos. Half of the class was fawning over the new girl, and the other
half was laughing and cheering once Ayanami singled Shinji out as the one who'd knocked her down on the way
to school. Absolute chaos reigned, and was even heightened when Asuka leapt to her feet to defend Shinji when
the newcomer dared utter the H-word (hentai) in describing him.
"Sensei," I protested, looking towards Katsuragi. I didn't want to see people fighting on their first
introductions.
Teacher had, of course, sat down in her chair and leaned back casually, saying she wanted to see how
things turned out when left alone.
Despite my dismay at the situation, I couldn't help but smirk and giggle at Shinji's face when I glanced
his way. Between Ayanami accusing him of everything up to but not including criminal offenses, and Asuka
standing up for him, he probably didn't know what to think. He looked like he wanted to crawl into a hole and pull
it in after him.
A distant thought entered my mind, and with it, I was distracted away from the whole scene, as if I was
watching it from afar: This is fun, but it doesn't seem real.
That's because it is not, someone else responded. This is a possibility where the Evangelion does not
exist.
Mention of the Eva brought me back to reality - so to speak. Wait a minute.. is there any point to this?
Shinji's going to reject Instrumentality anyway, isn't he?
That's yet to be decided, but it is a definite possibility.
Well, if it is, why are we going through this? Why do I even have a say in any of this? It's not like I have a
choice.
"Of course you do."
I was surprised by the spoken voice and turned to see Kaworu beside me. It took a moment for me to
find words. "I.. I'm.."
"Surprised, I know," he nodded, smiling, looking off into the distance past me. "You seem to respond
best to me."
"Listen.. I'm sorry for.. for what I.."
"I know," he said. "We all know. Put it behind you; it couldn't be helped." After a pause, he said, "What
did I say to you when we first met?"
"Um.." I stammered.
"I told you that you may grow to like this life," he prompted. "Do you?"
It was my turn to pause, now. "Yes," I answered finally. "I've had a great time here."
"You were wrong, you know."
This caught me off guard. "Wh-what?"
"When you said you didn't have a choice to make." He turned and fixed a stare at me with his red eyes.
"You do have a choice. The choice to go on living. The world is made of people, and people are made by the
choices they make. Your destiny, and the destiny of all others, is decided by no one but yourselves."
I was speechless, trying to wrap my brain around the explanation. Essentially I was being chastised for
worrying so much about what effect my actions had on things, I figured.
"Anyone can return to life if they can imagine themselves within their heart," Kaworu told me. At that
point, I realized, he was floating away from me - or perhaps I was from him - or maybe both.
I could only come up with a sappy clichéd question: "Will I see you again?"
"I doubt it," he shook his head. "I think my time has come and gone. But I will see what I can do about
others."
Others? I wondered. I thought everyone was making the decision for themselves?
"Thank you," I called out to the fading form, unable to think of anything else to say.
"Be well, Jillian," Kaworu responded with a smile and a gentle wave.
The next thing I knew, I was surrounded by liquid. It had the odor of LCL, but it hadn't invaded my lungs.
My windpipe was aching and about to burst, and I needed to draw a breath immediately, but I didn't dare take in
whatever this was without knowing its composition. Besides, it was contained in something a hell of a lot bigger
than an entry plug.
I could see light above me, and swam that way; naturally, buoyancy assisted me, and I shot toward the
surface. I swam for what seemed like hours, but in reality was only a second or two. Ultimately, I reached the
surface and broke through, gasping for air.
The light was the moon. A large red blot was visible high on the 'right' side, but otherwise, it was as full
as it could be. The fluid I was in was red-tinged LCL, and was as big as a sea.
A few hundred yards away from me was a towering, pasty white figure, arms stretched out in crucifixion,
with a hole in its torso and missing its head. It jutted out of the water on its rigid legs at an angle, having probably
impaled the bottom of the 'lake' at terminal velocity.
I noticed a slash on its side where Asuka had managed to catch it with one of the false Lances, in blade
form.
One of the Mass Production Evas.
I turned around, treading water, and saw at least two others in the distance, similarly haphazardly
discarded, or so it seemed.
If there was a shoreline, it couldn't be seen, even with the moonlight.
Hoping I was going the right way, I caught my breath and what little bearings I could, and began to swim.
I lucked out, but just barely; with little to no energy left in me, I began to see a spit of land on the horizon.
My second (or third, or fifth, or eleventh, or whatever I was up to at that point) wind kicked in, and I forced myself
to head that way. I'd already chosen life, and I wasn't going to come back just to drown.
I made it to a sandy white beach, coughing and sputtering, crawling up out of the water like the first fish
to sprout legs. I lay there, face down, catching my breath for a long time. All the while, all I could hear was the
waves crashing against the shore and the ruined buildings - it was evident now that this was the crater caused
by NERV's destruction, and virtually all the LCL that had been collected as the population of the world had
rained back down into the hole.
It was still raining a little, per se, as I lay there. I had hopes that the pool would dwindle in size as people
willed themselves to return, but I had no idea if that's how it worked or not. It would certainly suck to have been
one of a handful to return, though - hopefully I was just one of the first.
A sound caught my attention at that point and I turned my head toward it. On the beach, I saw the
impressions that had been created by two people lying in the sand. From those disturbances started out two sets
of footprints, and then one, and finally led up to a huddled pair, crouched against a rock.
One wore a red and orange, plastic-and-Lycra suit similar to the black and grey one I had on. The other
wore the typical uniform of a male high school student in Japan.
Both were curled up together, hugging one another, fast asleep, with evidence of freshly dried tears
having spilled down their faces.
In my totally exhausted state, all I could do was faintly smile.
Epilogue
25 June 2017
Obihiro, Japan
I pressed the cellphone tightly against my right ear and plugged the other with my finger. "What? Say
that again, please!"
"I said," Asuka repeated, irritatedly, "Teacher wants to know if you're doing your journalism project or just
goofing around!"
The car behind me stopped revving its engine and fell silent. "I AM - I mean, I am shocked, Asuka
Langley Sohryu. I hope you told him that I would never consider slacking off and enjoying probably the best rally
of the season without doing my assigned media templates, considering the school district was kind enough to
pay my way here to let me do it!"
"I know you too well, Jill," came the reply. "And you wonder why people call you weird. Never mind the
whole thing about 'you know'."
That was how Asuka had taken to referring to my life as Jack. Of course, all was known now, between
various people, about their innermost secrets, so to speak; some chose to let it go, others found it too intimate to
bring up even among friends. Asuka, of course, fit neither of those two molds.
"Tell him that I'm almost done," I replied. "Once the final runs are done on Sunday, I'll put together an
amazing article and mail it in. It'll be back before I am."
"You'd better cc me on the email," she cautioned. "I want a copy of your first work."
"Gotcha," I said. "How are things going? You and Shinji getting along?"
"Ugh!" she grunted. "I wish you'd never have said we should treat him like a god, even if you were
kidding. Now every time I see him I can't help but remember that stupid line!"
"Well, tell the truth," I teased. "Is he a god? I mean, in that wa--"
"Don't you dare!" Asuka screeched. "That's private!"
I howled with laughter. "You realize I'm not going to let up until you two have your first kid, right?"
"I swear, if you weren't on the other end of the country, I'd--"
"You'd what? Tell Hikari to give me cleaning duties for the rest of the semester? See if you can pry Toji
off her long enough to get her attention."
Asuka sighed heavily, with an aggravated tone, while I laughed. Finally, she said, "Ha ha, you're a riot.
Just don't get run over by a race car, okay?"
"I promise. I intend to race in this series once I get my license! That way I'll be on the inside of the car
and safe. Ne?"
"Right," Asuka drawled.
We said our goodbyes, and I hung up the phone. Becoming aware of my surroundings once again, I
realized that the entire service park was mostly quiet. Checking my watch, I realized that it was because the
memorial service was about to begin, and I hurried over towards the podium, where the course organizers and
participants were assembled before the thousands of fans. Just as I got there into the thick of the crowd, the
mayor began speaking.
"As we all know, the tragedy of Third Impact befell us in January of last year," he said, in Japanese, of
course. "We wish to remember the one and one half billion people who are no longer with us due to this incident.
Please remove your hats and bow your heads for a moment of silence."
It was hard to gauge how the general populace was treating Third Impact, even eighteen months later.
Some were trying to pretend like it wasn't the revelation it had been, instead treating it like any other
catastrophe, or perhaps similar to the fabricated excuse that had been used for Second Impact. Others,
especially religious leaders, regarded 3I exactly as it had been - albeit some with more embellishments than
others, of course.
Not everyone had come back. I don't know if it was by choice or if they died too 'early' for Instrumentality
to affect them. Still, I reflected on them while I stood during the moment of silence.
Ritsuko Akagi was one who didn't return.
Gendo Ikari as well, but that wasn't a surprise to me, since his whole intent was to reunite with Yui in 'the
afterlife' (so to speak).
Sadly, Misato Katsuragi was among the missing. That surprised me; of all the people who I thought
would be able to imagine themselves in their own heart, as the line went, Misato was one of them. Even though
she had the most similarities to Shinji, and had a lot of hatred, or self-pity, or whatever you wish to call it, I
figured if Shinji could find it in him to return, anyone would.
Maya Ibuki didn't return either; that, I figured, made sense, considering Dr. Akagi was gone.
I didn't know if any of the SEELE bigshots were still around, because the one person who I thought
would know - Kozo Fuyutsuki - was gone as well.
Kaworu was right when he said he didn't expect to show up, either. I figured that was okay, as I did with
most of the others who did or didn't return; it was their choice to make. I'd said my piece to him, anyway, and at
least felt like we'd reconciled our issues.
You may notice I've skipped over someone rather conspicuous; I did that because of what happened
immediately after the moment of silence.
The crowds dispersed once the remembrance ceremonies were over and done with, after a brief
announcement that the afternoon stages would start in about an hour's time.
'Bout enough time to grab something to eat and sort out my notes, I decided. I picked up some noodles
and broth from a stand and sat down at a table in the service park.
About fifteen minutes after I began to eat, with pages spread all over the table while I tried to gain some
sense of order over my notes, a gust of wind picked up and lifted several of them up and away. I ack'ed and
reached out to grab them, but someone stepped in their path and blocked their escape, gathering them up and
handing them over to me.
"Domo arig--" I began, brushing my long hair from my eyes. As I caught sight of my good samaritan, I
stopped short, eyes widening.
"You are welcome," Rei Ayanami said. "May I sit down?"
I was in shock; all I could do was nod. Rei took a seat and collected the other pages so they wouldn't
take flight like their brethren.
"You didn't expect to see me again," Rei said as she tapped the papers on edge on the table to neaten
them.
I sat down, finding my voice. "N-no. Definitely not.."
Rei handed over the remaining pages. "The same rules apply to me as everyone else. I only just learned
that in the end."
"Same rules..?"
"Imagining oneself," she explained. Then she gave a shrug, something I didn't recall ever seeing her do.
"Much as you admitted to Kaworu, I must admit that I liked my time here."
"You did?" I asked, more for lack of anything else to say.
She nodded. "Despite all that happened, I found it pleasurable to be with you all."
"That, I think," I said with a smile, "is called friendship."
"True," Rei said. "I imagine so."
"So why are you just showing up here and now?"
"People will return in a time and place of their own choosing," Rei said. "Those which have not returned
are not gone forever. In other words, I just 'showed up' yesterday." She looked around. "As for why this place, I
don't know. It's just where I found myself when I awoke."
I smirked. "Maybe, if I can be a little foolish for a minute, it was because I was here."
Rei looked at me with a curious expression, then tried to mimic my smile. "I admit I was always curious
what you found so exciting about this sport."
"I can show you around, if you want - that is, if you don't have anything else to do," I said, catching
myself before I finished.
"I don't know what exactly I want to do at this point," she admitted. "There is so much of the world I
haven't experienced. But I can let that wait for a day or two." She looked over to me again. "If you don't mind the
company."
"Of course not," I said. "It'd be my pleasure."
My mind was reeling with how crazy it was to happen across Rei in such an unlikely place at such a
time. The odds had to be beyond astronomical for her to just appear on the same weekend that I was in town, a
year and a half after 3I. I wonder if you had something more to do with it than you're letting on, I kept to myself.
As we walked toward the bus for the afternoon stages, I said, "Are you going to come home? I mean,
back to Hakone."
"To see Shinji and Asuka, you mean," Rei said knowingly.
"Well, yeah.. that was kind of the underlying implication," I admitted.
"I've yet to decide. I may make a 'vacation' of the summer before returning."
"I see," I said.
"I do know about their relationship, if that's what you're getting at."
It indeed was; I felt a little relief at that. Hopefully she could convince Asuka that there was no triangle to
speak of.
"Right," I responded.
"Shinji is, to me, I suppose most like a brother."
I nodded, climbing onto the bus. "I guess that makes sense."
"Do you plan to give them forewarning of my return when you go home?"
"I don't know," I said. "Do you want me to?"
Rei sat down and looked over to me, then smiled. "I think surprising them might be.. fun."
END
Evangelion: Second Coming
Written by Jason Low
Proofreaders: David Corlett, Richard Sirois
With many thanks to Hideaki Anno, without whom Evangelion would not exist.
Dedicated to my mother - Thank you for always being there for me.