- StudentReach

21 Days
A Student’s Guide
to
Becoming Awesome
Copyright 2013 by Jeffrey Devoll
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
ISBN: 978-1-62620-697-7
Edited by Jordan Voegele
No part of this book shall be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or
transmitted by any means – electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording,
or otherwise – without written permission from the publisher. No patent
liability is assumed with respect to the use of the information contained herein.
Although every precaution has been taken in the preparation of this book, the
publisher and author assume no responsibility for errors or omissions. Neither
is any liability assumed for damages resulting from the use of the information
contained herein.
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table of Contents
1.
Introduction: A How-to for Becoming Awesome.......................5
2.
Twenty One Keys to Success...........................................................13
3.
Three Ways to Rearrange your Brain..........................................27
4.
Prepare for Takeoff: Getting Ready for the Journey...............31
5.
Twenty One Catalysts: Let’s Do This............................................37
4
21 days
The AwesomeApp is also available as a smartphone
and web app that integrates with social media.
Go to
studentreach.org/awesomeapp/
for free access.
Y
ou can change. You can be a better you. You can be the person
you wish you were. You can be the you of your day dreams and
your social network photos. You can rearrange your brain so that
the things you do automatically are the things you want to do.
Hack
your system
.
You are not a computer. Your brain is not a central processing unit. Your
memory is not a hard drive. You are far more creative than a computer
could ever be and much slower at repetitive tasks than electronic devices
specialize in.
The computer is a more simple version of you, modeled after the human
brain. Speaking in the terms of technology can help us understand how to
change ourselves.
Your brain actually does run on electricity. Billions of tiny electrical explosions transfer data to a vast network of neurons and synapses that make
up who you are. No one knows exactly how
You are not a computer.
it works, we probably never will. But, we can
Your brain is not a
understand some basics of the brain and that central processing unit.
Your memory is not a
can lead us to some insights of how we can
hard drive.
change. And while there are no wires in your
brain to actually “rewire,” modern research
into the brain suggests that things actually
do get moved around physically inside your brain – the hardware of your
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brain actually rearranges when the software programming changes.
But how?
You may have heard of something called muscle memory. Muscle memory
is the way to describe what happens when you do things over and over
again and you get better at them. At first, typing on a computer or shooting a free throw shot in basketball can be difficult, then it gets easier. Then
it becomes automatic. That’s muscle memory.
Except that it’s not muscle memory at all. It’s actually happening in your
brain. Your brain sends the signals to your left pinky finger that the queue
is one row up and one key over. And it does it faster than you can actually
think about it.
Learning Spanish might be tough with all the conjugations and irregular
verbs. After spending a year in Latin America, you might find that you not
only speak Spanish fluently, you might begin to think in Spanish. That process will take less time if you’re younger and more if you’re older.
There’s actually a name for this process. It’s called neuroplasticity. You can
use that to impress your friends later, just don’t be a jerk about it.
Your brain is so amazing and does all kinds of crazy things. Things that
would seem impossible are possible. The left half of your brain and the
right half of your brain do different things. If you remove half of the brain
of a child, the remaining half will rearrange itself to take over the functions of the missing half. In time, it’s possible that no one will even know
the difference.
Your brain can even shift time. Okay, it can’t actually shift time but it does
try. When things you see happen very
Your brain can even shift
quickly, to keep up, your brain will actually
time. When things you see
buffer the action you see up to a half sechappen very quickly, to keep
up, your brain will actually
ond into the future. Your brain fills in what
buffer the action you see up
it thinks it will see. That’s why a baseball
to a half second into the
umpire and a first baseman can see two
future.
different things. One sees the runner out at
first; the other sees a runner safe on base.
Slow-motion replay video can tell us the truth but the two people who saw
the play up close can actually see different things.
Time-shifting, intuition, instant recall, these are all things the brain can
do that we don’t really understand. But there are other things, like muscle
A Teenager’s Guide to Becoming Awesome
memory, that we do understand. We don’t know exactly how it works, but
we do know the methods you can use to rework your grey matter. You
actually create new neural pathways when you repeat a behavior. You can
reprogram the system.
Here’s what human experience, medical research and behavioral studies
all conclude about reprogramming your system: your brain controls what
you do automatically, but our conscious choices about your actions are
the code your brain receives to put things into that automatic mode.
In short, your deliberate actions form your habits.
The
you you want to be
...
In our daydreams, things are different. In our daydreams, we’re smart, fit,
outgoing, likable, and good at everything. In some alternate universe that
only fits in our mind, we are the person that always makes the right decision, always knows the solution, and can always finish the race--usually in
first place, of course.
Unfortunately, that person only exists in our daydreams. The idealized version of ourselves is just that – an idea, nothing more. We tell ourselves
that someday that will be us. We will get good grades. We will get in
shape. We will be a better friend. Someday. But for many people, someday is always at least a day away. For many, someday simply never
comes.
On our Facebook pages and in our blogs
we project the idealized version of ourselves. We post the best looking pictures of
ourselves - the ones where we are having
the most fun and the lighting is just right.
Even our most troubled posts allude to the
idea that we are in some way just a misunderstood, undiscovered celebrity.
One
thing is certain: we all
want to be great. It’s just
that getting from the person
we are to the person we want
to be is really hard.
And
we
don’t like to do things that
are hard.
One thing is certain: we all want to be great. It’s just that getting from the
person we are to the person we want to be is really hard. And we don’t
like to do things that are hard. We want to do the right thing, but we also
want to do what’s easiest. And the easy thing and the right thing are almost never the same thing.
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Running
in automatic…
Most people run in automatic mode. We do what comes natural to us
and we do it over and over again. It’s called a habit. A habit is something
we do automatically without even thinking about it. We form habits in all
kinds of different ways. And there are good habits and bad habits. When
you were a child your parents had to teach you to brush your teeth, to
bathe regularly and to style your hair. Now you do those things most of
the time without even thinking about it. And those are good habits.
But you also have bad habits. From biting your fingernails to procrastination to serious addictions, bad habits are hard to break. And to make
matters worse, anyone who has ever made a New Year’s resolution quickly realizes that forming new habits can be more difficult than breaking
bad ones. But there is a way.
It all begins in your mind. Intentional thoughts become intentional actions.
Intentional actions become repetitive actions. Repetitive actions become
automatic actions. Automatic actions become habits. But how long does it
take to form a new habit or break an old one? It’s probably different for
everyone, the fact is: you can rewire your brain.
Time-shift
to
21
days in the future…
21 days from now your life can be different. It’s true that it takes longer to
form some habits, up to 60 days, and takes a shorter period of time to
form other habits. Most researchers have accepted many changes can be
made in just three weeks.
Dr. Maxwell Maltz who wrote the bestseller Psycho-Cybernetics, was a
plastic surgeon. He noticed that on average, it took about 21 days for the
brain to rewire, even in the most extreme circumstances. Most amputees
experienced something called phantom pain. Phantom pain is the pain of
feeling like your finger is being hit by a hammer on an arm that no longer
exists. Even though your arm isn’t there,
21 days from now your life
your finger can still hurt. But Dr. Maltz
can be different . . .most
observed that for most people the effect
researchers have accepted
only lasted about 21 days. Further in his
many changes can be made
study, he noticed that when doing reconin just three weeks.
structive surgery on someone’s face, when
an outcome wasn’t that positive, a similar effect would take place. When
someone’s appearance couldn’t be fully reconstructed to look “normal”
A Teenager’s Guide to Becoming Awesome
or “typical,” patients experienced a lot of anxiety. But after 21 days most
patients came to accept the new changes and their attitude towards their
new appearance changed.
Dr. Oliver Sacks, writing in the New York Times, described a patient of
his who became deaf because of scarlet fever at nine years old. She described lip-reading as “hearing.” Ben Underwood was a blind teenager
who became a YouTube sensation in 2009 while he demonstrated his dolphin like strategy of making clicks with his mouth. By reading the echoes,
he was able to see things around him even though he was completely
blind. He could ride a bike, play sports and even video games. While
remarkable things like this might be seen with those who are technically
“disabled”, typical people have been able to experience similar things
when challenged. Researchers at Harvard found that blindfolding typical
rats for just five days caused their brains to rearrange in such a way that
they became better at touch-oriented tasks.
Researchers are now telling us that the best way to avoid deterioration of
our minds and memories in old-age is to learn new languages, pick up
an instrument or travel to someplace you’ve never been before.
21
days of shocking your brain
...
Shocking your brain is what this guide is all about. Each day for the next
21 days, you’ll not only challenge yourself to quit a bad habit, form a new
good habit, or do both by replacing one with the other, but you’ll have a
brain challenge – something to jolt your system.
In Alcoholics Anonymous, the most successful behavioral change program
in history, and other so-called twelve-step programs, there is a saying: the
definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results.
If you want to be different,
do different. There are no
If you want to be different, do different. No
shortcuts. There is no magic
matter what your junk mail or late-night TV
pill. There is no secret. There
tells you, you cannot eat the same things
is only hard work.
and maintain the same level of physical
activity and expect to lose weight – it doesn’t work that way. There are no
shortcuts. Burn more calories than you eat and you will lose weight. Eat
more calories than you burn and you will gain weight. There is no magic
pill. There is no secret. There is only hard work and behavior change.
Of course, behavior change is obvious. If you want to become a runner,
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run. Duh.
“I don’t need this guide for that,” you might say.
No. You don’t.
This
guide is designed to
help you do what you
know you need to do.
This guide is designed to help you do what you
know you need to do. If it was easy to do what
you know you need to do, you would already
be doing it. This guide is about helping you to
do the hard thing, so that it becomes easier.
Every day, should you accept the challenge, you’ll do something you normally wouldn’t do. That’s the catalyst. What’s the catalyst? The catalyst is
the something else that makes the big thing happen. Catalysts are used
in chemical processes to speed things up or make things happen in a
slightly different way. Catalysts are used to process food, petroleum and
even take pollution out of the air. A good everyday example is this: you
can wash your hands with water and soap. If your hands aren’t too dirty
they’ll come clean. Soap and water actually cause a chemical reaction
that removes the dirt from your hands. But if you use a scrub brush you
can get your hands cleaner and do it faster. The scrub brush can be used
over and over again and it isn’t essential to the process all the time. But it
can cause you to get down deep into the crevices where the goo is really
hiding and root out gunk that you haven’t been able to get out before.
In this process, your daily challenges will be the catalyst for change.
The
real deal…
How will this work? It’s pretty simple. You’ll set goals and write them
down. You’ll write about your experience each day. You’ll report to someone about how your day went.
The important part of your challenge is the doing it. For each day of the
21 days . . .
A Teenager’s Guide to Becoming Awesome
You will set a goal. Each day you’ll write it down. It won’t take
long but it is really important that you do this. This way you
won’t be able to fudge later about the goal that you set. It’ll be
right there in black and white. You either did it or you didn’t.
Without a goal it’s pretty hard to measure your success or failure. This way you’ll know how you’re doing and you can make
adjustments.
You will either achieve that goal or fail to reach that goal. We
all like to talk a lot about success but we don’t like to mention
failure much. But the fact of the matter is that failure is part
of success. It’s often the road to success. Realizing that you’ve
failed will motivate you to find success. This isn’t about beating
yourself up, it’s about being realistic. You may need to set a
lower goal the next day. You may need to just adjust your behavior patterns. But you’ll never know any of this if you don’t evaluate.
You will journal for 1 minute about your day. Most people
hate journaling. If you unlock most young girl’s diaries, there’s
nothing there. That’s the secret of most secret diaries. Some
people love to journal, if that is you, this will be easy. You may
want to do more than 1 minute. You might want to blog, fictionalize, or even turn your experience into a novel. But for the
rest of us, one minute is something we can stand to actually do. This is a
simple two-part process. What happened in your head? What happened
in your heart? You will write one or two sentences about what you learned.
You will follow that with one or two sentences about how it felt. That’s it.
Simple. The only key is actually doing it.
You will report to your ally about how your day went. Each day
by phone, text, Facebook message, e-mail, instant message,
or however else you want (you could even do this in person
– what a novel idea in this technological age), you report to
your pre-chosen ally about how you did. This is an incredibly
powerful concept. Knowing that there is someone else who will
cheer you on or share in your defeat is a big deal. The realization that you
will have to tell them how you did will be a motivating factor. It’s true, you
could lie. What’s the point of that? After all, no one is making you do this.
This is about you.
It’s that simple. Enact the catalyst. Set your goal. Do something to achieve
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your goal. Evaluate what they think and feel about what you did. Report. It
really is that simple.
It’s just that easy. Once you understand how change works, it’s simple
to understand. Change your short-term behavior and you change your
brain. Change your brain and you change your long-term behavior. It’s so
simple. And so hard to actually do.
But you can do it. Whatever has been done can be done again. And what
hasn’t been achieved is waiting to be done. This can be day one of 21.
And 21 days can change your life forever.
What
if it doesn’t work?
If it doesn’t work, one of two things has happened.
Scenario one: you couldn’t achieve your daily goals and nothing has
changed. Don’t give up. Try again. You can do this. The fact that you
failed this time is just a story to tell later about how difficult it was to
change your life but that you did it anyway. All great stories start with the
challenge, lead to failure, and ultimately end in success. If success was
easy, everyone would be successful. That’s just not real life.
Scenario two: you achieved your daily goals but the behavior didn’t stick.
No new habit is formed or you didn’t kill your old bad habit. You might
need more time. Some things take up to 60 days, or in our case, 63 days.
Repeat the process one or two more times until it sticks.
One more thing to note here: you may need more serious help. Many
people who are addicted to drugs or alcohol find the 12 step program
is the road to success. Many people who have been physically or sexually abused find that talking to a professional therapist can be a key to
recovery. Many people struggling with obesity find that the nutritionist or
trainer can help them achieve their goals. This doesn’t mean you can’t
help yourself. It just means that you might need more help than you alone
can provide. Do your 21 day program, just do it while you’re getting some
outside help. Your parents, school counselor, principal, teacher, pastor,
priest, rabbi, imam or some other community leader that you trust can
help you find the extra help you need.
I
n any process, there are things you need to know that will make the
whole process easier and up the chances of success. Like keys that
unlock a door, knowing what will bring success makes life easier. You
could just knock down the door with an axe or chainsaw, but finding the
key makes all the difference in the world.
The 21 keys found here will change everything about changing. If these
pieces are missing, it will make your chances of conquering your habits
much, much tougher.
Find
an ally
September 1, 1939, World War II began. Poland and France turned out to
be no match for the blitzkrieg of the Third Reich and the task of defeating
Hitler’s army fell almost completely on the shoulders of the United Kingdom. The British Army and its people stood up valiantly to the onslaught
of Hitler’s army, the worst of which was the Battle of Britain where each
night London itself was bombed by the German Air Force. As valiantly as
they fought, the people of Britain could not defeat the armies of Germany,
Italy, and Japan – they needed an ally.
On December 8, 1941, one day after the bombing of Pearl Harbor by
Japan in the sneak attack, the United States entered the war. The rest, as
they say, is history.
You need an ally. You need someone who will stand with you in your fight.
Look for someone who’s positive. Look for someone who is not only will-
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ing, but for someone who cares about you. Ask your ally if they are willing to do three things: (1) receive the daily report of your progress, (2)
encourage you on a regular basis, and (3) tell you the truth when you’re
missing something. If you don’t already have their contact information,
get their Facebook name, their phone number or e-mail address and any
other good way to report to them. Each day, in one sentence, you will tell
them how your day went with regard to your goal.
Know
your motivation
If you work through the preparation section you will begin to get some
idea of what motivates you. Once you figure out what it is that motivates
you, you can go back to that well and draw water time and time again
throughout your life. Right now, it’s time to get specific.
For the goal you set for the next 21 days, make a list of pros and cons.
It goes something like this: “If I accomplish this goal, what is one of the
good things that will happen?” and “If I do not accomplish this goal, what
are the negative things that will happen?”
The power of this list is that when you come up against something difficult, you will be able to see that the consequences of not accomplishing
your goals are more difficult than the obstacle you’re up against. When it
seems like it’d be easier not to accomplish your goal for the day, you’ll be
able to see that, in the long run, it will be easier once you complete this
process. Let your list be your motivation.
Write
it down
Earlier in our preparation section, the concept of writing down your goals
was covered. That was good prep work, but now that you’re in the middle
of this, you need to write down everything. Sounds like a lot of work? It’s
not. In this guide, there is a 1-minute journal. You will simply write down
what your goal is, how you did, what you thought about it, and how it
made you feel. This simple and brief exercise will accomplish two important things: it will force you to be intentional and it will allow you to track
your progress.
Live
your values
The philosopher Soren Kierkegaard told the story of some thieves who
broke into a jewelry store and stole nothing. They simply switched the
price tags of expensive custom jewelry and replaced those with the price
A Teenager’s Guide to Becoming Awesome
tags from worthless costume jewelry. The next day, they simply went in and
bought expensive jewelry for almost nothing while wealthy customers paid
incredible prices for cheap fakes. The story is pretty clear: sometimes we
get mixed up in what we value in our lives.
Sometimes, something worse happens. People sometimes live their lives
never even deciding what’s truly valuable to them. That makes it impossible to act on your personal values.
Ask yourself the question: “what do I really value?” Then ask yourself another question: “how much of my time, energy and other resources are
spent on the things I really value and how much of my time, energy and
resources are spent on things I do not value?” The fact is that the time,
energy and other resources you spend on what you really value is well
invested. But what you spend on things you do not value is simply wasted.
Make the decision not to live a wasteful life. Switch back the price tags.
Change
your social network
The word “unfriend” was chosen as the Oxford dictionary “Word of the
Year” in 2009. Many people found on their social networking site, primarily Facebook, that you really can’t have too many friends. Accepting every
friend request that comes along isn’t always the best way to handle your
social life online or in real life. The fact is that some people are just bad
news. That may not be politically correct to say, but it is true. If your main
social ties to a group or person are centered in a habit you want to kill,
you may have to leave the group and unfriend that user. It may be a bummer, but as the old saying goes, to make an omelet you’ve got to break
some eggs.
Get
the stress out
Life is about balance. It’s true that some unbalanced people accomplish
great things, but the people who live a life of significance think about the
long-term viability of everything they do. You don’t need to make sure that
your ying isn’t overcoming your yang or rearrange the furniture all feng
shui. You do need to make sure that you have outlets for your stress. Most
people let off stress in two ways: rest and play.
Do not be fooled into thinking that those two things are the same, they
are not. And you need both. Playing basketball is great exercise and a
great way to relieve some stress. It is, however, not restful in any way. Rest
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includes sleeping, lounging around in the pool perhaps and other such
activities. Some people find reading fiction or watching TV to be extremely
restful. You know, or can figure out with just a little thought, what things
are fun for you and what things are restful. You need both. Do both.
Burn
the ships
In 1519, Hernán Cortés set sail in the name of Spain to conquer the Aztec
Empire. Upon landing on what is now called the Yucatán Peninsula, Cortés unloaded his small army and all the supplies from the 11 ships used
for the journey. He then promptly destroyed all but one ship to be used to
communicate with Spain.
The message was clear: there were only two options, victory or death. Just
seven months later, with an army of less than 700, Cortés conquered the
Aztec Empire which was over 1 million people strong.
Certainly, this is a sad tale for one of the indigenous peoples of Mexico,
but is also a lesson of what the determination of one person can accomplish.
When changing your patterns of behavior, if at all possible, destroy your
way back to your old patterns. This could mean telling your parents about
things that need to change, letting the teacher know about the areas of
your life that you intend to alter or perhaps getting rid of things that help
you continue your old patterns of behavior. Burn. Destroy. Commit. Victory
is only 21 days away.
Tell
yourself the truth
It’s been said that there is no insult like the truth and we all hate to be victims of verbal discourtesy. And the wounds inflicted by someone close to
us hurt more intensely than from a stranger. The hardest criticism to take
is when it’s leveled by our own observation of the facts of our lives.
So we lie. We make excuses. We give ourselves the benefit of the doubt.
We stretch reality to match circumstances. We try to deceive ourselves. We
tell ourselves the lies we wish were true. But they aren’t. And the truth can
sometimes be easier to swallow than the lies we tell.
There are two kinds of lies that most of us tell ourselves: excuses and unrealistically low self expectation.
Excuses range from (1) “I did that because that person made me mad” to
(2)“I’m not eating right because I’m just so stressed out right now” to (3) “I
A Teenager’s Guide to Becoming Awesome
could never go to that party because I couldn’t handle it if no one talked
to me.” The truth is that (1) you decide if your emotions control you – no
one can make you angry, (2) you may be weakened by your stress, but
not eating right is still your choice, and (3) it might make you uncomfortable to be in certain situations, but you can control your discomfort in any
situation.
Unrealistically low self expectations range from (1) “I just can’t get good
grades because I’m not good at math” to (2) “I’m a good person, but
I can’t focus on someone else’s needs right now” to (3) “I will probably
never be fit because of my metabolism.” The truth is that (1) there are resources and study habits you can develop that will improve your grades,
(2) there will always be excuses for being selfish, (3) biology only influences your appetite and levels of energy, it does not determine your patterns of behavior.
Telling yourself the truth is a new pattern of thinking, but it is essential to
becoming who you want to be. That is the truth.
Never
give up
Winston Churchill, the prime minister of Britain during the darkest days of
World War II delivered one of the most famous speeches ever given. It was
October 29, 1941 and the “Blitz,” the nightly bombing of British cities had
recently come to an end. 43,000 had been killed across Britain and 1.4
million had been made homeless, but Britain had not buckled under the
terror of the nightly raids. It was the first time Hitler had been unsuccessful
in conquering a nation he had attacked. It is marked by historians as the
beginning of the downfall of the Third Reich.
In those dark days as Britain began to sift through the rubble of lost
lives and burned-out buildings, Churchill visited the Harlow School to be
calmed by the traditional songs. After the singing, he delivered the now
famous line: “Surely from this period of ten months this is the lesson:
never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never-in nothing, great
or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honor and
good sense.”
Giving up is the easiest thing to do when life gets hard, but it almost never
accomplishes the life change we need to live the life we want to live. It’s
true that there are things we need to stop doing, but there is a difference
between quitting and giving up. Quitting is the positive elimination of
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something you are doing after making the decision that you shouldn’t do
it any more. Giving up is letting fatigue, fear or some other negative force
cause you to stop doing something you should be doing. For example,
if you decide this guide doesn’t provide you with accurate information
(which it does) that can help you develop new ways of acting and thinking
(which it will), than you should quit using it (which you should not). You
would be making an active choice. If it’s hard, that’s not a reason to quit,
that’s a reason to keep going because you’re moving obstacles. Quitting
things is a necessity in life – much of this guide is about quitting. Giving
up is something you should never even consider doing. Great people
don’t give up.
Assess
the hurdles
The tallest Olympic hurdles used for track and field events are 3 ½ feet
high. If you’d like to fall flat on your face sometime, find a nearby university with a track and field program that leaves their hurdles out and try to
jump them. It’s tough if you aren’t prepared for it even if you’re over 6’
tall. You can probably train for it and learn how to do it, but here’s what’s
surprising, it’s not impossible no matter how short you are.
It’s true that you might never be able to compete in the 110 meter hurdle
event in the Olympics, but you can clear hurdles under certain circumstances even if you are only 5 feet tall. How? Many ways come to mind,
but one might be getting a ladder. Getting help over the hurdle from
someone else might work too. You see the problem isn’t the height of the
hurdle, it’s your mind set that you have to clear hurdles just like you’ve
seen it done before. Sure, the rules of competitive events won’t allow you
to get assistance from a back-mounted jet pack, but you aren’t trying to
advance to the quarter finals in hurdles; you’re just trying to get over the
obstacle in your way. Resources, help from others and new ways of thinking are essential to overcoming obstacles. Think about what stands in your
way to achieving your goals and then think about the various ways to get
over the obstacle. You don’t have to look good doing it.
Expect
the pain
In the classic movie Rocky III, Rocky Balboa, a scrappy street fighter who
becomes the world heavyweight champion is defeated by a young brut
who goes by the name “Clubber Lang.” The mohawked fighter is younger,
faster, stronger and meaner than the aging Rocky, but against all advice
A Teenager’s Guide to Becoming Awesome
to the contrary Rocky accepts a rematch. In the press event leading up
to the fight (which Balboa, of course, wins), the intense young fighter is
asked if he has any predictions for the fight. Normally, a particularly brash
fighter might predict an early round knock out, but Lang’s prediction is
delivered with mono-syllabic intensity – “Pain!”
You are engaging in a fight with yourself. Your nature is to stay the same
but you are ready to go 21 rounds with yourself in the ring of change. You
can only really count on one thing: pain. Change hurts. If you are quitting
your bad eating habits, hunger pains will be your companion until your
body adjusts. If you are learning to become a better student, blurry eyes
during late night study sessions and headaches could be in your future.
Like stretching any muscle, some pain is to be expected. It doesn’t mean
you’re doing it wrong.
Journal
your progress
All research has two essential elements: observation and documentation.
Writing your experiences down might seem like pointless drudgery, but it is
essential to your learning process.
This isn’t about writing a nightly, “Dear diary, today I . . .” this is about
tracking your course of change. It’s simple and will only take you one
minute! Here’s how it works: write down the following 4 things,
1. My goal for today – What did you try to accomplish? Be specific.
2. How I did – Make this an honest and specific assessment. If you
failed, explain your failure. If you succeeded, explain that in detail.
3. What I learned – This isn’t about what you did, but what you figured out in the process.
4. How I felt – This isn’t about being touchy-feely, it’s about assessing your emotions. Feelings have great power. If you felt great,
stressed out, under-challenged or hopeless, express that in detail.
Then there’s one more key: honestly summarize your day in a report to
your ally. It might go something like this: “My goal for today was to run
one mile. I ran 1 mile. It surprised me that even though I wanted to quit,
I could overcome my own body. It felt great to know that I could do it if I
tried. Thanks.”
One minute and report, it’s that simple. There’s a sheet in this guide to
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help you. You’ll be amazed to see your progress throughout the 3-week
process and you’ll learn some things you didn’t know about yourself. Maybe you’ll even like to journal, maybe not. Doesn’t matter, just do it anyway.
Grasp
your triggers
Firearms are pretty simple in their most basic forms. A soft metal projectile
is released from a hard metal gun barrel after being forced from the other
end of the barrel by a small explosive charge. That explosive charge is
ignited by a smaller explosive charge which is set off when struck by a mechanical lever of some kind. That lever is released by a trigger.
If you’ve ever seen a person explode in anger, you’ve usually thought
about what triggered that affect. The most disconcerting feeling is not
knowing what it was that caused someone to be “set off.” When someone’s life “blows up” in some way, either anger, alcohol, stress, drug use,
grief or some other trigger is usually what set things in motion.
When you decide to change, whether it’s volunteering, fighting for a
cause, quitting alcohol abuse or becoming a runner, there will be things
that will throw you off course if you’re not ready for them. Thinking about
what those triggers will be in advance will help you recognize and resist
them. If your goal is to become a musician, realizing that other things will
draw you away from practice is important. If the phone breaks your concentration, turn it off. Tell yourself that you can always answer your phone
after you are done. If your goal is to control your anger, recognizing that
people will say things to you that you will not like is crucial to putting a
mechanism in place to react differently. Plan to walk away no matter what
when someone attempts to provoke you.
When purchasing a firearm in many states, a trigger lock is required. To
use that gun, a key must be found and used. Your trigger lock might be
counting to ten before acting, checking your calorie count before eating
or reading 5 more pages before resting when you feel like taking a break.
The process of recognizing your triggers and then putting “lock-outs” in
place will change everything.
Stay
on target
In the classic 1978 movie Star Wars, the final action sequence of the
movie takes place while the Rebellion fighter pilots are trying to destroy
the Death Star, a space station so devastating that it can destroy entire
A Teenager’s Guide to Becoming Awesome
planets. X-wing (and the overlooked Y-wing) fighter pilots zero in on the
Death Star’s single vulnerability – an exhaust shaft that leads to the reactor which powers the entire moon-sized station. A single photon torpedo,
when properly placed, can bring the space station to ruin.
But there are two major problems. The target is extremely small and the
station is protected by anti-aircraft like weapons and the Empire’s deadly
Tie-fighters. Finding the concentration to hit a tiny target while traveling at
an amazing rate of speed while being shot at from every side, turns out to
be an amazing feat of focus. As Rebellion pilots approach the goal, they
repeat the mantra, “Stay on taaarget, stay on taaaarget!” Of course, one
young pilot uses the force and the galaxy is saved. Let the movie franchise
royalties roll in. Forget that Jar Jar Binks will some day practically ruin the
franchise and victory is sweet. But focus is the essential component to triumph in movies and in life.
Focus is the ability to concentrate even though there are many distractions.
You may not have the voice of Obi-Wan Kenobi in your head (and would
you really want it?), but your ability to focus is essential to your progress. If
it helps, repeat it to yourself, “Stay on taaarget, stay on taaaarget!”
Be
consistent: commit to
21
days and do it daily
John Wooden is the winningest coach of all time by most standards. Fans
of college basketball know that winning the national championship might
be the toughest thing to do in any sport at any level. The odds of going
even back to back with the same players are really long. John Wooden
won 7 national titles in a row - 10 in 12 years as head coach at UCLA –
after wining 3 national championships as a player. At one point, he won
88 games in a row, a record that will likely never be broken. How did he
become the winningest coach of all time? By not being a coach. He considered himself a teacher. Basketball was his illustration, but life was his
subject matter. His philosophy of life – and basketball- was simple. Focus
on the basics. He believed that if his players mastered the basics day in
and day out – until the basics became automatic – that the result on the
basketball court would be a natural outcome of what was learned during
practice.
Character is what you do consistently when no one is watching. We all
make mistakes, but life patterns of consistency always lead to success in
overcoming difficulty. Consistency is the main ingredient to changing you-
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self. When you follow this guide, be consistent and do not miss a day for
21 days. No excuses. No breaks. If you fail, being inconsistent will be the
reason. This is about teaching yourself how to be consistent. It’s a fact that
consistency leads to automation. Doing things automatically is much easier than being consistent, but you have to pay the price of perseverance.
Start
small and think big
There are over 8 billion indexed web pages on the internet (how many
pages exist that are not indexed is not known). In 2010, The Guardian
newspaper in the U.K. estimated that 1.2 zettabytes of data exists. That’s
the amount of data that iPhones would hold fully loaded if you staked
them 339 miles high.
With those kinds of staggering numbers it’s easy to forget that all of that
data is ultimately zeroes and ones. Every byte of information is a simple
on/off switch.
There’s a Peruvian saying that goes like this: “Little by little, a person can
travel a great distance.” In our world of instant communication across the
globe, real time news coverage of everything and jet travel that can take
us anywhere quickly, we aren’t well accustomed to the idea of taking a
step at a time. In reality that’s the only way to change anything.
Set simple and attainable daily goals for yourself and let those lead to
other steps. Lifting 100 pounds is a lot easier if you’ve lifted 90 before.
Build up to the goal you’re trying to reach and you’ll find that little by little
change can happen.
Set
reminders
On December 19, 2010, the TV news magazine program, 60 Minutes,
ran a story about “superior autobiographical memory” – the ability to remember every moment, in nearly perfect virtual reality, of your life. People
with the extremely rare syndrome never forget anything. What would that
be like? Its equal parts joy and horror for those who can remember the
good, the bad and the ugly of their lives.
For better or for worse, most of us will never know what that’s like. Because short term memory is, well, short term, and long term memories
fight for dominance in our finite minds. The bottom line is that most of us
are tragically forgetful. We forget the birthdays of people we love. We forget assignments that are due. We forget to do things we really want to do.
A Teenager’s Guide to Becoming Awesome
Thinking you’ll remember the action steps of change is unrealistic. Fortunately, while remembering everything is difficult, setting reminders is
simple--and more effective anyway.
How does it work? Here are a few simple ideas:
•
Use post it notes in your bedroom, refrigerator or car to remind
yourself of the new habits you are trying to form.
•
Set reminders on your electronic calendar to pop up or e-mail you
about time sensitive things like: “5:00 PM - time to take a walk!”
•
Set alarms in your phone throughout the day.
•
Send yourself a text or email when you think of something you
want to remember later.
•
Make a list of goals and put it somewhere prominent in your
room, phone or computer.
If you are reading this and you already know some things you want to
start reminding yourself of, stop what you are doing and do it right now.
Just remember to come back to this guide. J
Own
your mess
Stephan Stills of Crosby, Stills and Nash penned the lyrics “if you can’t be
with the one you love, honey, love the one you’re with.” You only get one
you. Here’s a list of things that will not work for you:
•
Wishing you were someone else.
•
Pretending you are someone else.
•
Lying about being someone else.
•
Using “who you are” as an excuse not to change.
There is a huge difference between telling yourself the truth about who
you are and deciding that being better is impossible. Research has shown
that even your personality can change!
The key is accepting who you are right now as a starting point for change.
And despite all of the “You are a human being, not a human doing” nonsense that goes around, the fact remains that your actions, not your intentions define who you are.
Wanting to be better doesn’t make you a good person. Overlooking your
short comings isn’t the same as accepting them. You need to own your
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mess, then deal with it. And remember, accepting that you are a mess and
that you need to change is a liberating experience. Be free. Be a mess.
Find
your
Yoda
Mentors come in the most surprising packages. In The Empire Strikes
Back, the 1980 classic follow up to Star Wars, hero-in-waiting, Luke
Skywalker finds himself on a swamp planet in the Dagobah system. His
X-wing fighter out of commission and with no one in sight, a small green
creature, who excises verbal dyslexia, follows and pesters him on his
search for the Jedi Master, Yoda. Of course, anyone who has seen the
movie (and that’s just about anyone alive) knows that that little green
creature is the Jedi Master, Yoda.
Yoda, it turns out, is the classic unlikely mentor of the hero myth pattern
seen throughout fictional history.
Everyone needs a Yoda if they are going to learn new life patterns. For
many, a parent, aunt, uncle or grandparent are mentors we can trust.
Many find that a teacher or guidance counselor can be a mentor. Many
find that their pastor, rabbi, priest or other spiritual leader can be an important place of mentorship.
These are natural relationships, but many people are looking in the wrong
place for a mentor. Here’s why: if you’re trying to learn plumbing, a
chemist might not be your best mentor for that task. Chemists are typically
really smart people, but usually aren’t great plumbers.
Ask yourself these questions when looking for a short-term mentor:
•
Who do I know that has been successful at what I’m trying to accomplish?
•
If I don’t know someone who fits that role, where would I find a
person like that?
•
What are ways I could be mentored besides face to face?
•
Is there an author, blogger, or someone I could correspond with
online who might help me?
•
Who am I not thinking of that I should be thinking of?
Remember the Yoda quandary – you don’t find out until Attack of the
Clones that Yoda is crazy good with a light saber. Mr. Miyagi is just a
handyman until Danielson gets attacked by the Cobra Kai guys. Alfred is
A Teenager’s Guide to Becoming Awesome
just an old butler until Batman needs some sound advice.
Look hard enough and you might find yourself hearing the words of Yoda
in your head: “Looking? Found someone you have I would say, mm?”
Things
to avoid:
Avoid: Taking
on more than one habit at a time
You’ve probably picked up this guide because you’re motivated. Maybe
now that you’ve read a bit you are really motivated. That’s good, but too
much of a good thing is not a good thing.
You can learn Latin. You can quit procrastinating. You can become more
outgoing. But you probably cannot accomplish all these things at once.
Remember: stay on taaaaarget. And unless you’re Robin Hood, hitting two
targets at the same time probably isn’t going to happen. Focus on one
habit at a time, then move on.
Note: replacing one habit with another is not the same as taking on two
habits at the same time. Replacing one habit with another is an effective
way of accomplishing two things at once when done correctly (read the
section on habit replacement), but is the only time you should take on two
habits at the same time.
Avoid: Quitting
when you fail
Beethoven was told by his music teacher that as a composer he was hopeless. Thomas Edison failed to create a working model of the incandescent
light bulb over 9000 times before he finally succeeded. Winston Churchill
failed the sixth grade but went on to defeat Hitler and the Nazi armies.
Steven Spielberg failed middle school but has gone on to be the most
successful entertainment mogul of all time. Michael Jordan, the greatest
basketball player and perhaps greatest professional athlete of all time,
was cut from his high school basketball team. He took the Chicago Bulls
to back-to-back-to-back NBA championships – twice.
Everyone fails. The difference between failures and the successful is that
failures fail and then quit while the successful fail and then keep trying. It’s
really just that simple.
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T
here are three rearrangement strategies you can use for change:
breaking bad habits, forming new ones and combining the two using habit replacement.
Kill
a bad habit
We all do things we know are bad for us. Unfortunately, some of them
come to us automatically. But even things we do automatically can be
stopped.
Nature versus nurture has been a great debate in psychology for quite
some time now. Humans tend toward certain activities, certain motivations, certain personality traits, certain ways of thinking, and the list goes
on…
But that isn’t the same thing as saying that your actions cannot be controlled. You are in control. Outside influences may push your behavior in
a certain direction. Certain chemical processes may make some decisions
difficult, but that isn’t the same thing as just being a passenger in the vehicle of your own life. You can have mechanical difficulties, you may have
a different type of vehicle than others, a car may be a different color than
those around you, but it is still a car and you are still the driver.
In the battle of nature versus nurture, the real issue is this: what controls
who you are? Is it the biology you are born with or is it the psychology you
develop in your environment. In other words, does your parents’ DNA or
the way they raise you have more of an affect on who you are, what you
do and how you think?
The problem is, it’s really tough to know. There was a time when identical
twins would be separated at birth for the purposes of adoption. We don’t
do that anymore when – we don’t separate siblings, especially twins, for
ethical reasons.
But for a period of time when we still did that, researchers could study
twins raised in different families or maybe even different states or countries, and see how they turned out. If identical twins, raised by different
families, were more likely to be the close to the same weight than two unrelated people, the nature was winning. If they tended not to be different
in body type than unrelated people, than it was their upbringing (nurture)
that won the day.
Researchers found out interesting things. They learned, of course, that
both nature and nurture usually play a part in how someone turned out.
They also found out that it mattered a lot what you were talking about.
Physical traits that couldn’t be influenced by their upbringing – like athletic
ability for instance – were more likely to have a strong nature influence
than psychological traits – like a tendency towards alcoholism.
The bottom line is this: although your biology may seriously affect your
psychology, it is always just one piece of the puzzle. And more importantly,
it is never absolute. It is true, for instance, that the children of obese parents are more likely to be overweight, but it is not a sure thing that having plump parents means you’ll always be a plus size. In the same way,
there’s no guarantee that because your dad can throw a 90 mile per hour
fastball that you’ll win the Cy Young award. It’s certainly not written in
stone that you will become an alcoholic because everyone you’re related
to is a drunk.
Your behavior isn’t set. You can use this program to overcome what comes
natural to you and form great habits. You can use this program to break
bad habits.
The fact is that most people who start doing drugs quit doing drugs. Most
estimates tell us that about 50% of Americans have tried drugs at least
once. Less than 10% of Americans are drug addicts. In case math isn’t
your favorite subject, the simple equation is this: less than 20% of the
people who do drugs remain long-term drug addicts. Drugs are addictive.
Drugs are difficult to quit. Many people need outside help to quit doing
drugs. But, despite the difficulty, despite the physical addiction and despite
the availability of illegal drugs, most people do quit. This isn’t to say you
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should try drugs, obviously, or that the warnings of the dangers of drugs
aren’t true – they are. Let’s be clear – you should never, ever try drugs.
But, if you are currently addicted to drugs, or even come from a long line
of drug users, and all your friends are drug addicts – you can still quit.
Most people do.
It’s just an example. Hopefully you are not a drug addict. But no matter
what difficulty you’re up against, it may be hard, but you can kill the habit.
This is doable.
You may have 1 million things going against you, but ultimately you have
one thing going for you – you. You are an individual. You are not a statistic. You are a person. You are not a demographic. Many things can be
said of you, but ultimately you are in the driver’s seat.
Form
a new habit
Most people struggle with discipline. Anyone who has a gym membership will tell you that January first, second, third, fourth, and fifth are times
when the gym is full. Athletic clubs hire extra staff for that time of the year.
But they don’t need to schedule them for that long. By January 15, treadmills are available again, aerobics classes have empty slots and the free
weights sit there on the racks as lonely as they were on December 31st.
That doesn’t tell you that you can’t form new habits. It simply tells you that
it’s difficult to form new habits. You’ve been warned. Expect it to be hard.
But if you understand what it takes to form a new life pattern and prepare
yourself as discussed in this guide, you can take daily action and form
new patterns of behavior. It doesn’t mean that they’ll be as easy as involuntary physical actions like breathing, growing hair or sweating on a hot
day, but it does mean that they can become easier, almost automatic.
You see, for some people the idea of not hitting the gym on a regular
basis would be a change they find difficult. Missing the aerobics class, not
getting sweaty on the treadmill or not hitting the weights – well, that would
just feel weird to them. It’s a part of their routine. It’s part of their life. It’s
a habit. It’s almost automatic.
It’s not magic that creates a new habit, it is simply doing the hard work
and then getting into a routine. It’s a matter of getting those muscles
memorizing things.
A Teenager’s Guide to Becoming Awesome
Replace
a habit
Habit replacement is an old technique. Smokers have known for years
that replacing a cigarette with gum, a toothpick or even celery can really
help break the habit.
The irony is that killing a bad pattern of behavior and developing a new
one can sometimes be easier than just doing one or the other. Watching too much TV can be replaced by reading more books if that’s a goal
of yours. Spending too much time playing video games can be replaced
with new study habits that will improve grades. These are time for time
replacements.
One of the reasons why this is so important is this: many habits (if not
most) have been found by researchers to create neural pathways that
don’t go away. Ex- smokers can go years without taking a drag, but then
the mere smell of someone smoking (an awful smell to non-smokers) can
bring temptation. You can place a roadblock on the path to your old habit, but the path is still there. That’s why creating a new habit is easier that
breaking an old one. The keys might be making an alternate route you
can take as a way out. (By the way, this should be motivation to no longer
create new bad habits now that you know this.)
It is usually a good idea when replacing a bad habit, to replace it with a
new habit that is in some way similar. Time for time replacement is an example of this. Stimuli for stimuli replacement is another example.
If you’re trying to break the habit of eating too much unhealthy food, exercise can be a good replacement. While this seems counter intuitive, both
can be emotional activities. Many people are stress eaters. Exercise is a
well-known stress relief. Eating too much unhealthy food can cause short
term feelings of satisfaction. Morning exercise can cause feelings of self
satisfaction throughout the day. The thing to note about stimuli for stimuli
replacement is that it is usually a replacement of short-term gratification
for long-term gratification.
There are all kinds of replacements that you can use and you may want to
find the ones that work best for you. Thinking through your strategy and
sticking to it is the key.
And one more thing: if you find that trying to do both – killing one habit
and building another – is too much for you, just focus on one for 21 days.
You can use another 21 days to tackle the other part. Life is a marathon,
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not a sprint. There’s time for change. Be patient with yourself.
B
efore you go snow skiing, you get your gear together, check your
boots, adjust your bindings and wax your skis. Before you travel to
a foreign country, you make sure your passport is up to date, you
check your English-to-whatever dictionary and check the exchange rates.
Before you travel to the moon, you make sure your solid rocket fuel boosters are functional and in place, you make sure that your moon walking
suit has no leaks and that your Tang is in full supply. Okay, maybe that
last example isn’t for everyone.
The point is that before you go on a journey you get ready. You check your
gear. You try to think of the things that you’ll need for the journey. You try
to get yourself in the right mind set. The next 21 days are just such a journey. No, you’re not necessarily going someplace else geographically, but
the journey to the inner space of who you are is going to be tough and
you will need to be prepared.
If you’re going to accomplish your goals, here’s a few things you’re going
to need to do to get ready. Think. Feel. Do.
Feel - Get
motivated
Actors talk about motivation. Understanding what their character is all
about will decide how they act and talk. Motivation becomes the unifying
piece of a real authentic character that’s believable.
People seldom think about their own motivation, but it’s a pretty important
thing to do if you’re going to enact change in your own life. It would be
great if we all have the discipline to just flip a switch and turn the ship of
our life around on a dime. If it was that easy you wouldn’t be reading this.
The fact is that figuring out what makes you tick and what makes you do
what you do is a pretty important piece in figuring out how change is really going to happen.
Motivation is often that extra something that really gets things done.
World-class runners usually break world records during intense competition from the greatest rivals. Most professional writers know that without
deadlines they would probably never get anything done. A lot of times
when you say “I just can’t do it”, you might try asking yourself this question: “If someone was pointing a gun at my head right now would I be
able to accomplish this?”
Hopefully you never find yourself in that situation, but it does help you fig-
ure out that sometimes there are things that can be accomplished if you’re
just motivated enough. Of course that only answers the question of shortterm motivation aided by adrenaline. If you’re going to make change stick
for long-term, you are going to have to figure out what your long-term
motivations are. And they are different for everyone. Take the following
steps to figure out what motivates you.
Talk about your goals to get motivated - Most people think out loud
better than in their head. Talk to people about your goals and get inspired
by what you hear yourself saying.
Make an outcome list - An outcome list goes like this, “If I develop this
new habit, here’s what will happen...if I don’t here’s what will happen.”
You need to realize that not doing something has consequences just like
doing something does. Figure out what those are and it will motivate you.
Start with something exciting - If you want to start an exercise program, start with bike riding or swimming instead of running. Play racquetball instead of hitting the excercycle. Play basketball daily instead of lifting
weights. If the first mountain you intend to climb
is Everest, you might give up.
Energy - You’ll need energy, so figure out what
gives you energy and do more of that. Figure
out what saps your energy and do less of that.
If hanging out with friends revitalizes you, make sure you have consistent
social time. If watching TV leaves you listless, limit your TV watching to
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only the shows you really want to watch instead of just killing time.
Break down big goals into smaller goals - Every piece of software ever
written is one line of code at a time. Every interstate highway is paved one
inch at a time.
Think - Focus
on your long term goals
What’s the point of all this? Sure, maybe part of it is to accomplish something that you really want to accomplish, but this is something more than
that. Ultimately, we all want to live a fulfilling life, we all want to be loved,
we all want to be happy. If you’re trying to get somewhere you haven’t
been before, you need one of two things: you either need a map, or you
need someone who’s been there before to show you the way. There is a
map to the life you’re looking for and there are people who have been
there. And there are some guiding principles.
You need to focus on your long term goals.
One of the great paradoxes of life is the fact that if you do what makes
you feel good in the short-term it often leads to unhappiness in the longterm. Not always of course, but a lot of times you’ll find that making decisions that make you happy in the long run don’t feel really good right
now, or at least they aren’t the easiest decisions to make. Eating whatever
you want right now may be the easiest thing to do but the long-term
health consequences aren’t fun to deal with. Buying whatever I feel like
buying right now may make me feel good temporarily but that feeling
quickly wears off and long-term it’s replaced by a lack of savings or even
worse – debt.
A lot of studies have been done on what leads to happy lives. Some of it
is obvious, some is counter intuitive. A quick perusal of websites on the
subject of happiness or books written on the subject will lead you to some
very common themes. Hint: living carelessly and selfishly are not two items
often found on these lists.
Here are things many researchers have found most happy people have in
common:
Work:
This may come as a shock to you, but work is an essential ingredient of
happiness. You need something to do. Purpose is part of it. Simple activity
is another. The people who are engaged in consistent work are happier
across the board than people who are not.
A Teenager’s Guide to Becoming Awesome
Meaningful relationships:
We are a social animal. People with meaningful relationships are happier
across the board than people with surface relationships or people that are
loners. Life is meant to be shared. Be the kind of friend you want to have.
Don’t be possessive, jealous, easily offended, etc. and
you’ll find out that your friendships just work.
Health:
Healthy people are happier than people who are not
healthy. There are genetic factors that you can’t control
that contribute to your health, but there are a lot of things
you can do that will contribute to your health. Concentrate on what you
can control, not what you can’t. Get active. Eat a reasonable diet. Take
care of yourself. You don’t have to be extreme, but you can’t pretend that
you can do whatever you want and not see the consequences. Mark Twain
said, “The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want,
drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.”
Perspective:
Happy people have reasonable expectations. They don’t think everyone
is out to get them. They don’t believe that they can always be the person
who takes the winning shot in the last 3 seconds of the game. Not everyone can get all A’s. No one needs to get all F’s either. Get real.
Activity and openness:
People who are open to new things and are willing to stretch themselves
and go after new opportunities tend to be happier than those who play it
safe. Being temporarily uncomfortable can add to long-term enjoyment
and happiness in your life.
Creativity:
Most people think that being creative is something you’re born with. To a
certain extent it’s true. But you can flex your muscles of creativity in activities like problem solving. Everyone is somewhat creative. Maximize your
creativity.
Prosocial behavior:
In almost every study on happiness prosocial behavior comes out as a
key factor in making people happy. Altruism, volunteerism and financial
generosity toward others leads to an outward focus and seeing yourself
as part of a whole. We are all in this together. Helping someone who is
less fortunate than you, or who just needs your help in some way will lead
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to temporary feelings of warmth and will permanently contribute to longterm happiness.
Do - Write
it down
Business writers have written for a long time about
a legendary study at Harvard University showing
that 3% of Harvard business school graduates
make more than the other 97%. As the story goes
the only difference is that those 3% wrote down their life goals.
There’s some question as to whether that actually ever happened, but it
does lead us to an interesting question: why is it important to write down
your goals?
Concrete versus abstract – while the research varies about how much
you can remember of what happens, life experience tells you that you
can’t remember everything you think or hear or even do. Some research
has suggested that you can remember almost 90% of what you do and
only 10 to 15% of what you hear. The tactile act of writing something
down and then seeing it on paper forces you to be clear about what
you’re talking about when it comes to your goals. That’s a big deal.
Positive versus negative – self-help gurus use words like “proactive”
and “synergy” like people from California use the words “dude” and
“awesome.” But pro-activity really means something when you get the
concept down. Many people live their lives reactively. Something good
happens and makes them happy; something bad happens and makes
them sad. Life is less about what they do and more about what’s done to
them. That passive approach to life almost never brings meaning. It’s important when writing down your goals to use proactive words. Don’t talk
about who you DON’T want to be, essentially reacting to your own behavior, talk about who you DO want to be.
Detailed versus general – write down your goals in detail. Get specific
about exactly what you’re trying to accomplish. It’s pretty hard to hit the
bull’s-eye if there is no target. More importantly, it’s pretty hard to readjust
your aim if you can’t see when you’re off the mark. Write down your goals
with a fine point pen, not a paint roller. This is your chance to really think.
Draft versus final – once you’ve gone through the process, rewrite your
goals. Most people don’t sit down to play concerto for the first time and
get it perfect. You probably won’t either. Take a little time. Re-think. Re-
A Teenager’s Guide to Becoming Awesome
craft. Re-write.
Progress
through process
Most problems are accessed in these three ways. This essential process in
personal change is so simple. Feel. Think. Do.
Think about the results of what you do. Figure out what’s true and what’s
just a lie you tell yourself so that you have a reasonable excuse. Think
about where you want to be so you have something to aim for.
Feel your emotions as a reaction to what you do and what is done to you.
Motivation is the simple combination of rationalization and inspiration.
You can think your way through any problem, but until you feel something in your gut – that inspiration that drives you – you probably won’t be
motivated to do anything. Rationalization – thinking – is the first step, but
many great thinkers aren’t great doers. Paralysis of analysis is a syndrome
that can plague thoughtful people. Take your thought process out of the
laboratory and into real-world trials. You’ve got to figure out what motivates you and keep those motivational processes in place.
Do something about it. Start small if you have to – really it’s recommended that you start small. In the beginning steps, how much or even
what you do aren’t as important as doing something. Get the ball rolling.
Inertia is a physical law which states that objects that are stationary tend to
stay stationary. Objects that are in motion tend to stay in motion. Getting
the ball rolling is the tough part, keeping it rolling is much easier. Your
small start may even seem ridiculous later looking back on it, but doing
something, however small, is the key to the beginning process. Even if
your 21 days start tomorrow, do something today. Seriously put down this
guide right now and do something to get started.
Here we go…
35
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21 days
Y
ou can build a habit in 21 days, but you have to keep the process
going. You can modify this program. You can add to it. You can
personalize it. But you have to do it every day or it will not work.
It takes some effort to form a habit, but then it will begin to happen automatically.
I used to be very reserved in offering people positive feedback. I seldom
complimented people. I seldom praised people I was monitoring when
they did something great. It wasn’t that I didn’t think the good thoughts
about people, I just didn’t express them. This is not awesome when you’re
in my line of work.
Part of it was a habit born of my insecurity growing up -but my self esteem
was healthy enough as I got older to recognize greatness in others. Partly
my habit of not re-enforcing good behavior was a product of my own personality. I don’t need a lot of ‘at-a-boy’s’ in my own life and I don’t really
spend much time worried about what other people think of me. But I began to realize that other people did care what I thought of them and that
my habit needed to change.
I began to purposely go out of my way to compliment people and make
sure they understood I appreciated them. It felt very strange at first, but after a short time of doing it purposely, I found myself doing it automatically.
This experience and hundreds of others like it birthed this 21-day process.
The following is a simple guide to helping you do the same.
(You can get the dailyvideos on a smart phone with a QR code redder)
day
1 – Know
thyself
Think: The axiom “know thyself” finds its origins in an inscription at the Temple of Apollo at Delphi. It’s been attributed to
Socrates as well as about a half dozen other Greek philosophers. Who knows who said it first, the real point is in the meaning. “The
Suda,” a 10th century encyclopedia of Greek knowledge, pointed out that
the axiom “know thyself” is not a warning to pay attention to the opinions
of others, but to know who you really are.
The real question is “who are you really?” Listen, spending too much time
contemplating your own place in the universe doesn’t always lead to great
places. Knowing who you are and being comfortable with it, that’s the
road to personal freedom. I’m not talking about being complacent about
the things that need to change about your life, this is about what makes
you tick. Knowing that is the real key to change.
Do: Take a free test online to help you find out what you are
passionate about at https://www.16personalities.com/freepersonality-test
There are other such tests and these aren’t the end-all, be-all, but they
can be a tool that can help you gain some insight into why you do what
you do and how to enact change.
Feel: Evaluate the day. Send it to your ally or post it to Facebook after you write it down here. In 60 seconds, write
about what you did, what you learned and how it felt.
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21 days
Day 2 - Stretch
yourself
Think: In medieval times, methods of torture
were used to get information out of someone
who didn’t want to give it up. One of those
was to tie their hands and feet with ropes. Those ropes
could be tied off to a horse or maybe two horses headed 60-second Video
Reflections
in opposite directions and the interrogee would find
themselves in incredible pain as their body was ripped apart. The process
would rip tendons and ligaments and even dislocate joints. The victim
would often confess to things that didn’t even exist if necessary just to
make the stretching stop.
This isn’t what we’re talking about. But today, the idea is to do something
good that makes you uncomfortable. If you’re going to expand who you
are, you’re going to need to introduce a catalyst for that expansion process. We won’t need horses and a rope, but this still might hurt a little bit.
Do: Hang out with someone you wouldn’t normally socialize
with. Who you hang out with is your choice, but it’s important
that it’s someone who will help you think different. It could be
someone in a convalescent hospital. It could be someone with special
needs. It could be that kid who always eats lunch by herself. Maybe come
up with a list of questions about what that person thinks or how their life
is. Some examples are:
“What’s your average day like?” “What do you really like to do?”
“If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?”
“If people really knew you, what would they learn about you?”
Try some of your own. Be creative. Spend some real time on this one.
You might be surprised how a little stretching can really limber you up to
change.
Feel: Evaluate the day. Send it to your ally or post it to Facebook after you write it down here. In 60 seconds, write
about what you did, what you learned and how it felt.
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A Teenager’s Guide to Becoming Awesome
Day 3 - Get Social
Think: Humans have always been social beings. We are more tribal than individual. More
team than solo. Most of us live in neighborhoods. We learn in class settings more than in independent study.
60-second Video The
Volcano Climb
The power of going public is huge. Dr. Martin Luther King
Jr. didn’t write “I have a dream” in his diary, he bellowed
“I have a dream” to the masses. President John F. Kennedy didn’t have a
quiet meeting with some NASA officials to talk about going to the moon,
he challenged the country that together we can do this.
Not only is there power in going social, it’s never been easier than it is
right now. Think about what parts of your goal you want to share, what
parts are appropriate to share publicly (check with a parent or teacher if
you’re not sure), and then share and share alike.
Do: There are a lot of ways to do this. You could individually
text your friends. You could group message them. You could
post to your blog or Facebook wall. You could mass e-mail.
You could even create a Facebook like page. If you have a Twitter account
where people are following you, use that. Today, you go public.
Note: This needs to be done appropriately. Make sure your goal is stated
in positive, proactive language. Euphemisms can be very helpful here.
In other words, if your goal is to stop eating junk food, you might say, “I
am going to eat healthy foods that power my body and my brain in great
ways. I’m looking forward to the changes you’ll see in my body and my
attitude.”
Feel: Evaluate the day. Send it to your ally or post it to Facebook after you write it down here. In 60 seconds, write
about what you did, what you learned and how it felt.
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21 days
Day 4 - Research
your habit
Think: You can’t be an expert in everything but
you can be an expert in something. It’s time to
become an expert in your thing. The Internet,
the library, talking to people who are experts -these are
all ways of becoming an expert on your habit. How have 60-second Video get
social I.R.L.
other people become good at what you want to be good
at? How have other people kicked the habit that you want to get rid of?
You are not the first. You won’t be the last. Learn what there is to learn.
Do: Start with a Google search on your habit. If you’re trying
to become a better student, Google “Becoming a better student.” Sites like cha-cha.com can be helpful. Also, quora.com
is filled with experts on all kinds of subjects. Your Facebook friends may
have a level of expertise you don’t know about. Check out a book from
the library on the subject that you’re interested in. You can do this. But
you’ve got to know how.
Feel: Evaluate the day. Send it to
your ally or post it to
Facebook after you write it down
here. In 60 seconds,
write about what you did, what you
learned and how it felt.
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A Teenager’s Guide to Becoming Awesome
Day 5 - Raise
funds
Think: Today, go get some money, but not for
you, for someone else. Think about a cause
that you’re passionate about. There are organizations that are working on that cause. Maybe the local
60-second Video
food bank or the local chapter of Special Olympics is
Core samples
something you want to get behind. Maybe it’s something
else and you don’t know where to start. The website www.networkforgood.
org features thousands of organizations you can get behind financially.
Also, www.facebook.com/causes is a great way to get the ball rolling.
Do: Raise money. Simple. Can’t think of what to do? You’re in
luck. Check out the internet for tons of ideas. Some of them
are easy. Some of them take more time. Set a goal for how
much money you want to raise and don’t quit until you raise that amount
of money. This may take more than one day, but today your catalyst is at
least to get it started.
Feel: Evaluate the day. Send it to your ally or post it to Facebook after you write it down here. In 60 seconds, write
about what you did, what you learned and how it felt.
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21 days
Day 6 - Tell
a parent or guardian
Think: If
you’re a teenager, you’re now thinking this
is the dumbest thing you’ve ever
heard.
Okay, maybe it’s not so bad, but for some students talking to their parents about things can be difficult. You’ve
probably even worried that if you tell someone about a
60-second Video
Graveyards
goal that you have and then don’t achieve it, that person
might hold it over your head. Maybe you’re right. But this
is about change. Explain what you’re doing and give your someone a
chance to grow and change too. You might be surprised.
Do: Show your parent or other relative your written goal. Explain to them how the 21 days will work. Maybe they’ll even
join you. If it is something that’s sensitive, find a way to say it
so that you don’t reveal everything without lying. This is a big step, but you
can do it.
Feel: Evaluate the day. Send it to your ally or post it to Facebook after you write it down here. In 60 seconds, write
about what you did, what you learned and how it felt.
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A Teenager’s Guide to Becoming Awesome
Day 7 - Take
a
Media
break
Think: “What?!” you say. “I can’t live without
my tunes, man.” “Go a whole day without updating my Facebook profile picture? I don’t
think so.”
60-second Video
Yes, this may be difficult. But this catalyst could mean
Always
Awesome
something real. This is about turning off the noise. This
is about taking time to think. This is about unplugging.
This is about enjoying something you may have forgotten – silence. This
is about you being you without all of the constant, unrelenting input. You
may like this so much that you decide to do it on a regular basis. Unlikely? Maybe, maybe not. You won’t know until you try.
Do: Turn off your cell phone. Turn off your TV. Turn off your
computer. Turn off your MP3 player. Put away your magazines. Turn off the radio.
You don’t think you can make it? You can replace those things. Instead
of talking on your cell phone, talk to someone in person. Instead of messaging someone, write them a note and give it to them. Instead of putting
little white headphones in your ears to shut out the world, play an instrument or listen to someone else doing the same. You are not Amish, but
today you can act like you are. You will survive this.
One week check up: Evaluate how you did in the first seven days with your
goals. Do your goals need to be readjusted? Does your behavior need to
be readjusted? Does it feel like you’re one third of the way there? If you
don’t like where you’re at, talk to someone who can act as a mentor to
you and ask them for help.
Feel: Evaluate the day. Send it to your ally or post it to Facebook after you write it down here. In 60 seconds, write
about what you did, what you learned and how it felt.
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21 days
Day 8 - Change
your wallpaper
Think: This is a simple one. The visual cues
that are in front of you all the time can be symbolic of what you’re really passionate about.
They say something about you. It’s time for a change.
60-second Video
Do: Change the wallpaper on your smart
Moments of Clarity
phone, your computer, your tablet – whatever’s in front of you all the time. You can
change binder covers too. Be creative. Send the message. What are you
going to change your wallpaper to? It could be something that means
something about your goal. It could be an image; it could be a list. It
could be something that only means something to you. But it needs to
mean something.
Feel: Evaluate the day. Send it to your ally or post it to Facebook after you write it down here. In 60 seconds, write
about what you did, what you learned and how it felt.
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A Teenager’s Guide to Becoming Awesome
Day 9 – Get
proactive
Think: It’s time to do something on purpose.
It’s time to do a lot of things on purpose. Today, you’re going to do everything on purpose.
What does it mean to be proactive? It means shifting out
of automatic mode. It means not reacting to everything. It 60-second Video
awesomely small
means realizing that no one controls you. There are rules
to follow, there’s no question about that. This is about
controlling what you can control – your attitude and your actions.
Do: Today, do three things that you want to do, but somehow
just haven’t gotten around to. Step one – make a “to do” list.
Step two – do things on the “to do” list. Step three – cross
things off “to do” list. Just do it. You don’t even need to wear your Nikes.
Feel: Evaluate the day. Send it to your ally or post it to Facebook after you write it down here. In 60 seconds, write
about what you did, what you learned and how it felt.
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21 days
Day 10- Become
a collector
Think: People collect all kinds of things. People
collect rare glass figurines, stuffed animals –
all kinds of stuff. If you’ve ever seen one of
those hoarding shows you know about it. But for most
people it’s just a harmless pastime. If you are a collector 60-second Video Fix
it or Tear it down
of something, good for you. If you’re not a collector, well,
better for you. But today, you’re not going to collect anything for yourself. Your goal is to collect something for other people –
people who don’t have a collecting pastime, but people who are in need.
Do: Collect something for a specific need. You can collect
cans for the local food bank. You can collect blankets for the
homeless shelter. StudentReach (www.studentreach.org) has a
project where you can collect school supplies for one of our partner
schools in Ecuador. E-mail us at [email protected] and we
will arrange to get the school supplies where they need to go. Pens, pencils, note pads, folders, scissors - these are all examples of the kinds of
school supplies that are greatly needed for children who are disadvantaged. Just make sure everything is new. E-mail us if you have any questions. We’ll help you.
Feel: Evaluate the day. Send it to your ally or post it to Facebook after you write it down here. In 60 seconds, write
about what you did, what you learned and how it felt.
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A Teenager’s Guide to Becoming Awesome
Day 11 - Think
freedom
Think: Today you’re going to concentrate on
freedom. While you’re trying to break free
from yourself, you should be reminded that
there are people in actual slavery around the world. Over
60-second Video
25 million people in the world find themselves in slavery
Necessities
right now. Slavery is at an all-time high in our world. Get
the facts at http://www.studentreach.org/awesomeappextras
Do: Download the “Emancipation” guide. Watch for possible
victims and report suspicious activity. Consider a StudentReach expedition that helps serve those who are coming out
of Human Trafficking. Contact StudentReach at [email protected]
Feel: Evaluate the day. Send it to your ally or post it to Facebook after you write it down here. In 60 seconds, write
about what you did, what you learned and how it felt.
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21 days
Day 12 - Give
it away
–
get in the habit of charity
Think: People in our country are in need like
never before. Relying on the government to
help is an increasingly questionable strategy.
Food insecurity and poverty are touching people in our
society that never thought they would be the ones in
need.
60-second Video One
Minute facts human
trafficking
Do: Today, your mission is to donate to a local charity. You don’t need to have extra money. Clothing,
canned food, blankets and other goods can be donated to a
local food bank, clothing closet or homeless shelter. There is one caution.
Most experts say that giving money to someone on the street who asks for
it is more likely to add to the problem. It may be more work to find an effective charity who can help those in need, but it’s a better idea.
Feel: Evaluate the day. Send it to your ally or post it to Facebook after you write it down here. In 60 seconds, write
about what you did, what you learned and how it felt.
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A Teenager’s Guide to Becoming Awesome
Day 13 - Read
a book in one day
Think: TV, YouTube, social media, video
games - all these things can be fun, but the
truth is that since the invention of writing, the
most important thoughts have been dispersed through
the written word. It’s time to read.
60-second Video
current
Do: Read an entire book today. You can do
it. It’s true that you might only be able to update your Facebook status once and TV might not get fully watched, but hey,
you might just feel your life change a little bit.
Go to studentreach.org/21days for a list of classics you can read in one
day.
Feel: Evaluate the day. Send it to your ally or post it to Facebook after you write it down here. In 60 seconds, write
about what you did, what you learned and how it felt.
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21 days
Day 14 - De-crapify
your life
Think: Most of us really struggle with how
much stuff we own. Have you ever been away
from your worldly possessions for any length of
time and thought about how you just don’t need them?
How you’re happier without them? It’s time to experience
freedom from the stuff that is weighing you down.
60-second Video
weeds and grass
Do: Throw away, recycle, or donate 21 things
you don’t need today. It’s just that simple.
Feel: Evaluate the day. Send it to your ally or post it to Facebook after you write it down here. In 60 seconds, write
about what you did, what you learned and how it felt.
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A Teenager’s Guide to Becoming Awesome
Day 15 - Replacement
therapy
Think: The world runs on the principal of exchange. In primitive cultures, goods and services are exchanged directly. In more advanced cultures, goods and services are exchanged for
money, which then can be exchanged for other goods
and services. The principal remains the same. To get
something, you have to give something up.
60-second Video
Preservations
The same is true when it comes to time. Think about the things in your life
that take up your time that really aren’t very valuable. Wasting time can
be a good way to unwind, but too much time wasted will keep you from
the life you want. It’s time to think about your time.
Do: Find something in your life that you want to stop doing or
do less of, then replace it with something else. For instance, if
you spend to much time on Facebook, replace that time with
something else. If you spend 1 hour per day on YouTube, limit yourself to
5 minutes (you can set a timer on your phone) and read about people
who have succeeded in the new life skill you want.
Feel: Evaluate the day. Send it to your ally or post it to Facebook after you write it down here. In 60 seconds, write
about what you did, what you learned and how it felt.
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21 days
Day 16 - Learn
to
Learn
Think: Most experts in education know that filling their students heads with knowledge is only
part of their job. Teaching people how to learn
is the lifelong goal of any educator who loves what they
do. Today, we learn to learn.
60-second Video
Road blocks
Do: Figure out how you learn best. People
learn in three ways and most people are better at one of
those ways than others. Most people are “visual” learners
(you learn by what you see), “auditory” learners (you learn through hearing) or “kinesthetic” learners (you learn by what you feel or experience).
You can’t control your class work or job, but you can spend your free time
learning the way you learn best. Understanding how you learn might determine whether you read a book or listen to an audio book for instance.
MIT offers a great guide for incoming students on how to learn. There are
great tests to assess how you learn on the internet. Visit http://www.studentreach.org/awesomeappextras to learn more.
Feel: Evaluate the day. Send it to your ally or post it to Facebook after you write it down here. In 60 seconds, write
about what you did, what you learned and how it felt.
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A Teenager’s Guide to Becoming Awesome
Day 17 - Money Matters
Think: Dead Presidents, Benjamin’s, Cash,
moola – money might not make the world go
‘round, but it does matter. As an American,
you are one of the richest people in the world. Check out
the global rich list (www.dayone3d.com/21days) and
you’ll understand just how rich you are. Keep in mind that
your family income is the issue, not your spending cash.
60-second Video
Tracks
The website globalrichlist.com provides these examples of how only a little
money can make a huge difference.
•
$8 could buy you 15 organic apples OR 25 fruit trees for farmers in
Honduras to grow and sell fruit at their local market.
•
$30 could buy you a DVD Box set OR a First Aid kit for a village in
Haiti.
•
$73 could buy you a new mobile phone OR a new mobile health
clinic to care for AIDS orphans in Uganda.
•
$2400 could buy you a second generation High Definition TV OR
schooling for an entire generation of school children in an Angolan
village.
Just having modern plumbing puts you in the top half of the world’s population. It’s time to figure out where your money goes.
Do: Make a list of how you spend your money and what
things you purchase. There are various ways to do this. You
can keep track in your smart phone by taking pictures of what
you spend your money on and adding it up at the end of the day. If you’re
not proud of your list, make a change.
Feel: Evaluate the day. Send it to your ally or post it to Facebook after you write it down here. In 60 seconds, write
about what you did, what you learned and how it felt.
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21 days
Day 18 - R.A.O.K.
day
Think: An R.A.O.K. is not a creature from an
online game that geeks play, it’s a Random Act
Of Kindness. Today you’re going to do 10 of
them. Some examples of this are feeding the parking meter for a car that has an expired one, mowing a neighbor’s lawn or paying for the coffee of the person behind
you in line at Starbucks.
60-second Video
First world rpoblems
Do: Today your mission is 10 Random Acts Of Kindness.
Search RAOK for ideas if you need to.
Feel: Evaluate the day. Send it to your ally or post it to Facebook after you write it down here. In 60 seconds, write
about what you did, what you learned and how it felt.
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A Teenager’s Guide to Becoming Awesome
Day 19 - Kill
your selfishness
Think: Many self-help books will tell you things
like, “Be selfish,” “take care of yourself first,”
or something like that because they want to be
provocative. Maybe the motivational guru’s really believe
60-second Video the
it, but every study on life fulfillment has shown that a
baja house
healthy sense of self worth combined with and fueled by
selflessness, leads to the good life. On every list of what
makes our lives better, the same pattern emerges – a job that makes a
difference adds more to your life than a job that makes more money. Being healthier adds more to your life than eating and drinking whatever
you want, etc, etc.
Do: Social scientists repeatedly promote something called
“prosocial behavior” as an essential part of the good life.
“Prosocial behavior” is volunteerism, donation, courtesy – in
short, behavior that is selfless and helps other people.
Feel: Evaluate the day. Send it to your ally or post it to Facebook after you write it down here. In 60 seconds, write
about what you did, what you learned and how it felt.
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21 days
Day 20 - Tell
yourself the truth
Think: Today figure out what lies you tell yourself. “My mom makes me so mad” is a lie people tell themselves to remove their own responsibility for their bad reaction. “I get frustrated when my
mom seems unreasonable, but my bad reaction is some- 60-second Video Heroes in the Bleachers
thing I can control” is the truth.
Do: Replace the lies you tell yourself with
truth replacements. Make a list with the lies on one side of the
page and the truth statements on the other side.
Feel: Evaluate the day. Send it to your ally or post it to Facebook after you write it down here. In 60 seconds, write
about what you did, what you learned and how it felt.
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A Teenager’s Guide to Becoming Awesome
Day 21 – Ride
the feedback loop
Think: The cover story of the July, 2011 edition
of Wired Magazine was titled “The Mental Machine”. The article was about research into biological and emotional “feedback loops” that can affect human behavior.
60-second Video
Obviousaurus
A feedback loop is a simple concept: place a RADAR sign on
the side of a road that reads, “Speed Limit 25 – Your speed is . . .” and it displays your speed; Most people slow down.
Companies use feedback loops for market testing. Put out a green shirt and a
red shirt and whichever sells better becomes the only one offered in the future.
Production costs go down and valuable retail shelf space is conserved. Your
body gives you feedback through processes like pain. You reach out a hand
to touch a hot stove and nerve receptors send a warning in the form of an
extremely painful burning sensation. The result: you withdraw your hand to
avoid further injury.
The problem is this: many of the feedback loops you receive are deceiving.
You eat things that taste good now but are bad for you in the long run. Running is not much fun, but cardiovascular health improves your life.
Bottom line: knowledge is the key to understanding the confusing messages
of the feedback loops you have received. Understanding the benefits of better
study habits can bring feelings of accomplishment and satisfaction that can’t
be achieved by blowing off your homework and watching the tube.
Do: Look over your 20 previous 1-minute journals and any feedback received from your accountability partner. Think about what
you’ve learned that you didn’t know and how it makes you feel.
Write a paragraph about your experience. Post it online or share
it with someone.
Feel: Evaluate the day. Send it to your ally or post it to Facebook after you write it down here. In 60 seconds, write about
what you did, what you learned and how it felt.
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21 days
What
now?
It’s been 21 days now. If you’ve followed the program, it’s
been a pretty intense 21 days. Here are your choices going forward:
•
You’ve been successful, now it’s time to take a
break and enjoy your new behavior pattern.
Make sure you don’t lose the ground you’ve
gained. Burn the ships and never go back.
60-second Video Exit
plan
•
You’ve been successful, now it’s time to tackle another habit. Start
over on the 21 days. You may want to change some of the catalysts just to keep things fresh – it’s up to you.
•
You’ve been unsuccessful in forming the habit because 21 days
wasn’t enough. Keep going.
•
You’ve been unsuccessful because you quit or didn’t fully commit.
Start over and get more committed.
•
You’ve been unsuccessful because the habit you tried to break is
an addiction that’s too serious to fix without professional help.
Get professional help.
Now matter what scenario you relate to, this one thing fits each one:
changing your life is hard work. Don’t give up because the fight for the life
you want to live is a life-long struggle. Remember the words of Churchill
– “never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never-in nothing, great
or small, large or petty - never give in . . .”
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A Teenager’s Guide to Becoming Awesome
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