10 Techniques for killing approach anxiety



10 Techniques for killing approach anxiety
Copyright 2010-2011 PUA Lingo
Table of Contents
About Me and the Ebook ..................................................................................................... 2
A Word on Change ............................................................................................................... 3
The 10 Best Ways to Defeat Approach Anxiety ..................................................................... 5
1: Name Your Fear, Young Padawan.................................................................................. 8
2: The Power of Thoughts ................................................................................................. 9
3: Don't seek to FIGHT your AA directly. .......................................................................... 10
4: The Law of Equal Exchange ......................................................................................... 11
5: The Gremlins .............................................................................................................. 12
6: Having a deep enough reason to endure the inevitable pains of change ...................... 18
7: Hired Guns and Charity Approaches ........................................................................... 20
8: ORDINARY effort exerted towards a goal consistently produces EXTRAORDINARY results
....................................................................................................................................... 22
9: Hacks in AA programming ........................................................................................... 24
10: A breakdown of breaking AA thought patterns ......................................................... 25
Conclusion and Quotes on AA ............................................................................................ 27
Copyright 2010-2012 PUA Lingo
About Me and the E-Book
I am not claiming to be a master PUA and you will not be able to get 9s and 10s right away from
just reading this. You will, however, gain an unparalleled understanding of the tools we use to deal
with Approach Anxiety (henceforth referred to as AA).
As PUAs, we approach women. You know as well as I do that there is something going on in your
body when we do. Something is happening at a physical level that is keeping you from approaching
When it comes to approaching women, guys tend to have excuses and their own stories about why
they cannot approach. Some pretend like it is not a big deal, or that they don’t care. Worse, they
make up reasons as to why the girl isn’t good enough for him to approach. “She’s too short”, he’ll
say, when in fact the girl is a perfect 6’0 in high heels.
As a PUA, you are better. But, just when you spot that hottie, your body fails you. You can’t
approach her. Your heart starts racing, your breath starts becoming shallower, and your legs start
shaking and won’t move at your command…
I know. I’ve been there. I had have huge approach anxiety. I still have approach anxiety, 3 years
into the game. I am known by my online moniker as AlphaWolf. I never thought I would become a
guy who taught other guys and gals about having options in their dating life. A few years ago, I
thought I was living the high life in New York when I graduated at the top of my class and was
working at a top management consulting firm. Despite my business success, I was terrible with
women. I decided to quit my job and move to San Francisco in hopes of a better sex life. Things got
a bit better, but it still sucked. One day I just became sick of not having the results I wanted and I
dedicated myself to fixing this part of my life. I came across The Game, and started hanging out
with guys who were naturally good with women. 3 years down the road, I am a lot happier with
my sex life and life in general.
This eBook combines the best materials I have learned from: personal instructors, PUA Training,
Mystery Method, Natural Game, Vibing, and non PUA-related material. The tools and techniques
are not mutually exclusive and each one may become important to you in helping you get past AA.
Without further ado, I present to you:
The 10 Best Ways to Defeat Approach Anxiety
Sincerely, AlphaWolf (Vince)
Copyright 2010-2012 PUA Lingo
A Word on Change
Well, we’re all naturally a bit lazy. It’s a natural part of being a human being. So we love to bitch
about those things we can’t change because we know we won’t have to DO anything about them.
As PUAs, we love to read and listen to audio books and then watch internet porn instead of going
out and putting what we learned into practice. After all:
You can’t change the economy
You can’t change who your parents are
You can’t change the actions of other people
But, you CAN change yourself and the way you respond to things that you cannot control.
The key here is to find a way to overcome that natural need to sit still and “veg out” in front of the
TV and get out of the house. I’m assuming you’ve read this far because you realize that this is
something you need to do.
Most often, we don’t do anything about our situation until we hit what I call a “pain threshold.”
This is the level of pain where you finally stand up and scream “NO MORE! I’m sick of this!” I know,
because I recently quit my job at Google because of this very pain threshold.
We all have a threshold of pain in our lives. It’s higher or lower depending on who you are and
what your situation is. For me, working a corporate 9-5 job felt like torture. For others, it is a
bearable pain and so every day they wake up and drag their asses to work not because they want
to, but because they’re not feeling enough joy or pain. To live life as the living dead.
When it comes to approaching women, you’ve always got to learn that enduring rage energy of
“I’m not going to be a pussy. I’m DONE with that!” It kind of feels like someone is emotionally
giving you a kick in the behind.
Sorry, but until you find the pain of sitting home alone every night and beating off to Internet porn
as being totally lame (and gay) you’re going to continue to do it.
So the key is to LOWER your threshold of pain so you’re moved to action sooner, not later - at a
crisis point in your life. As Van Wilder would say, look for that “DARE TO BE GREAT” Moment. It’s
You’re changing right now. Whether you want to or not.
You change slowly - every day. Usually, we change slowly in bad ways because we are unaware.
Copyright 2010-2012 PUA Lingo
You may wake up one morning; look in a mirror and say, “Man, I have gained a lot of weight!”
Why not make the change a good one instead?
However, this is one caveat to “pain-level” change:
If you try to make a sudden change in your life, just like whipping the steering wheel over in your
car, you’re going to freak out, lose control, and probably crash this thing.
If you expect sudden, overnight instant success with women you’re doomed to failure.
We live in the magic pill era and in a country that worships quick fixes. We ALL want overnight
success, overnight weight loss, overnight riches, overnight everything.
Don’t let yourself be the guy who is looking for the magic pill. It doesn’t exist. Instead, focus on
taking the time to build up, one skill set at a time. You will build a foundation that cannot be
knocked down by the whistle blowing of the media or cultural fixation on overnight fixes.
Now, let’s get into the 10 techniques that you can use right now…
And may you enjoy the game, player.
Copyright 2010-2012 PUA Lingo
-The 10 Best Ways to Defeat Approach Anxiety# 1: Name Your Fear, Young Padawan
The worst thing about AA is that most guys don’t know it exists. Prior to reading the game, I always
felt the powerlessness of not knowing what to do when hot chicks are present in front of me.
I remember just out of school, I was hitting at a bar with 3 other relatively good looking guys,
dressed in suits after our consulting project. As we sat down we all realized that there were 4 hot
girls giving us a lot of eye contact and smiles. None of us approached, and after about an hour of
flirting eye contact, the girls suddenly stopped giving us looks. They realized that we were
checking them out too much, and did not have the balls to approach them.
At the time, I had no idea that what I was feeling was indeed AA. And like most guys, I followed my
body’s instincts, and avoided potential embarrassment to approach any girls, despite receiving
approach invitations.
Becoming aware of AA is the first step, and understanding it is the second. When we understand
the origins of the fear, we begin the process of taking control back from our limiting beliefs.
Copyright 2010-2012 PUA Lingo
The Origins of Approach Anxiety
Nearly every man has a fear of making the initial approach. This fear is often attributed to an
evolutionary survival mechanism that arose from living in tribal communities of less than 50
Imagine yourself in such a situation. As a man within the tribe, if you approached the wrong
woman, and she rejects you, you will be permanently removed from mating with her and passing
on your genes. She will tell all her friends, and you’ll be genetically locked out. It would mean
genetic suicide, in Mystery Method terms.
Fast forward to modern day man. When you go out into the field, you may experience approach
anxiety. Ah. The fear. The fear of failure, fear of what that failure means, fear of the embarrassment
that may occur, all stemming from the possibility of an assault on your very ego and your comfort
zone sense of reality.
Given the rate of evolution, we still retain our tribal emotions in a very fast changing world. For the
most part, these instincts have served us well and kept us alive. However, today, social adaptations
happen more quickly than genetic ones, and only strong long-term changes are encoded
genetically. Our emotions, and the behaviors they cause, are best adapted to a primitive tribal
environment that no longer exists.
Copyright 2010-2012 PUA Lingo
For example, we know logically that you can be rejected by every woman in the club and you
probably will never see any of them again. There would be no REAL consequences as a result of
your actions. There is really nothing to be embarrassed about. Nothing really bad beyond a bad
rejection is likely to happen to you. It’s just not likely and will probably never happen.
So you may be wondering, "why the hell do I still experience approach anxiety before opening a
Let’s go back in time for a bit. In tribal society, the very moment that the ancestral man faced the
greatest risk to his survival and replication -during the approach- is precisely when most men feel
the greatest anxiety today. Why? Our emotions serve several functions. One could imagine them as
simply neuro-circuits in the brain that perform social value judgments when appropriate, motivate
behaviors via emotional sensations of reward and pain.
Wait, so these feelings exist for the purpose of motivating specific behaviors that will in turn
increase my probability of survival and replication? But that was back in cave man days right?
So in today’s time, these very circuits that are designed to protect us are actually hindering us from
achieving success because evolution adapts at a slower pace than social adaptation. When a guy
feels lonely and shy at the same time, he may feel a conflict in motivation. Is one of these emotions
wrong? No, they are both correct. Those people who were lonely but not shy enough, or shy but
not lonely enough, tended to fail in passing on their genes.
Biologically speaking, our sole goal on Earth is to pass on our genes. BIOLOGICALLY. There could
be other meaning to a person’s life, but his biological and genetic mandate is survival and
replication. This being the order, our emotions are based on a behavioral control over the expected
punishment and reward of our actions. AA derives from this adaptation, which serves us very little
purpose today but did save our hides back in the tribal days. Don’t let it hinder you on your
journey to master game.
Copyright 2010-2012 PUA Lingo
2: The Power of Thoughts
It is important to understand that fear and power all originates from YOU. We are trained from
birth to give power away onto others. As children we saw our parents and our teachers as demigods. They possessed power we did not have and could not understand. To you, my father would
likely have been a pleasing and very diplomatic man, with a strong sense of humor and an unusual
ambition. To me as a child he was dominating, angry, proud, admirable, a man whose power was
beyond understanding as a kid.
Take the supermodel on the runway. She’s beautiful. She commands attention and possesses
power over us. Over people she meets, over the charmed men she casts a spell on. Take away the
cameras. Take away the fame. Take away her makeup and her clothes. Take away her family, her
friends, her employers, her lovers. She is merely another human being. Without us, who bestow
power on them via our fascination with beauty, those with power through beauty are powerless.
In the same manner that we bestow power on our parents and women of beauty, we also bestow
power on God. But wait… isn’t God’s power is our power as well? One cannot expect more from
God than we have given God in our minds. No merciful God worth our worship would deny us the
kingdom of heaven for retaining our power, for our power was given to us – not to return to God,
but to return to man, is that not so? By exercising our own power justly, wisely, lovingly, are we
not acting in a way to please God, any God? Maybe true respect for God is the responsible exercise
of the power we were bestowed with? I’ll let you answer that one.
A beautiful woman may compensate for her want of attention and social value by filling in her
holes with her charm. Her intelligence, smart wits, and knowledge of the laws of seduction– all are
forms of power. We all use power to fill the holes in our personalities. A woman with the power of
beauty, with nothing to back it up, is simply a girl in elegant clothes.
Once we understand how power is used or misused by those who possess it, their power no longer
intimidates us as it has before. We see it, shrug our shoulders and press on. We do not lend it
reverence. We are not afraid of it. We do not worship it. We give it the respect or value it deserves,
nothing less, nothing more.
If you can figure out how this section applies to AA, you’ll have obtained as Tyler Durden would
say, “one of the keys to the kingdom”.
Copyright 2010-2012 PUA Lingo
# 3: Don't seek to FIGHT your AA directly.
Some guys are able to pummel through the intense rival instructions their brain is giving them
between the desire to approach and the desire to not be rejected. By feeding these 2 conflicting
emotions, you only give it more strength.
If we lack depth in character, the things we fight against often become our identity because that
becomes the thing we engage in the most. Don't get caught up in the "fight against" approach
anxiety. When there is constant friction between two forces of power, conflict arises.
This is because as humans, we have the evolutionary “fight or flight” response. If you trigger this,
you suddenly become needy or more nervous. The pros barrel through it, but for newbies it can be
FIGHT OR FLIGHT: A set of physiological changes, such as increases in heart rate, arterial blood
pressure, and blood glucose, initiated by the sympathetic nervous system to mobilize body systems
The onset of a stress response is associated with specific physiological actions in the sympathetic
nervous system, primarily caused by release of adrenaline and norepinephrine from the medulla
of the adrenal glands. The release is triggered by acetylcholine released from preganglionic
sympathetic nerves.
These catecholamine hormones facilitate immediate physical reactions by triggering increases in
heart rate and breathing, constricting blood vessels and tightening muscles. An abundance of
catecholamines at neuroreceptor sites facilitates reliance on spontaneous or intuitive behaviors
often related to combat or escape. Normally, when a person is in a serene, unstimulated state, the
"firing" of neurons in the locus ceruleus is minimal. A novel stimulus, once perceived, is relayed
from the sensory cortex of the brain through the thalamus to the brain stem. That route of
signaling increases the rate of noradrenergic activity in the locus ceruleus, and the person
becomes alert and attentive to the environment.
If a stimulus is perceived as a threat, a more intense and prolonged discharge of the locus ceruleus
activates the sympathetic division of the autonomic nervous system (Thase & Howland, 1995). The
activation of the sympathetic nervous system leads to the release of norepinephrine from nerve
endings acting on the heart, blood vessels, respiratory centers, and other sites. The ensuing
physiological changes constitute a major part of the acute stress response.
Therefore, a more effective approach to dealing with AA is to accept it, and go with the knowledge
that you may be a little nervous. You don’t “fight” it. You become at peace with the idea of meeting
new people.
Copyright 2010-2012 PUA Lingo
You don't fight fat - you join up with the skinny. You don't fight against illiteracy. You support
reading skills and literacy programs.
In the same way, you don't "fight" approach anxiety. You pursue open, curious social behavior and genuine interest in other people. That has been my single most effective tool in overcoming
this thing we call approach anxiety. You pursue open, curious social behavior - and *genuine*
interest in other people. Write that down.
Copyright 2010-2012 PUA Lingo
# 4: The Law of Equal Exchange
One of the easiest ways to get rid of approach anxiety is to create value for other people, instead of
trying to GET. Most of a guy's approach anxiety is created because his motives are against his
result. He wants to GET a phone number, GET a kiss, GET a date, GET laid.
Not that you can’t get what you want, but that shouldn’t be your first item on the agenda.
Instead, when you go into an interaction and want to start creating value for a woman or the
group –with no expectations or need of anything, your anxiety goes away. There’s no motive.
If I told you that you are going to walk over and tell a beautiful woman that she has just won the
lottery - and YOU get to hand her the big check for a million dollars, would you not be excited
about that?
What is you were a model scout, and you wanted to approach this woman to see if she can handle
herself properly in order to refer her to a top modeling agency? You would be the best thing that
happened to her!
You'd be positively motivated to go talk to her.
One of the underlying issues is that guys believe that they have no value for a woman. Both
changing your inner beliefs and your own lifestyle will change this dynamic. As a man, you have
indefinite value to her - as the man that brings fun, wild sex, adventure, stability, and all these cool
things about your life that you can bring into her world.
When we're selfish with our value, we fall into scarcity mode, and our anxiety about our value to
other people keeps us from connecting. And the anxiety returns.
Again, I know that some of what I'm saying here sounds like an oversimplification of the fear, but
that's *exactly* what we need to do more than over-complicate it. When we make approach
anxiety all complicated, we're just trying to create more excuses not to overcome it.
KNOW your value; BUILD your value, and then GIVE IT AWAY to everyone.
I defy you to feel anxious when you're fully engaged in living a life of supporting your own value and distributing your ability to give.
Copyright 2010-2012 PUA Lingo
#5: Name and Fight The Gremlins (AKA Inner Demons)
You downloaded this eBook to improve yourself. Now, I am going to push you a little bit outside of
your comfort zone. Gremlins are like your inner demons, inner beliefs that may or may not be true
that are holding you back from what you want in life. Think of them as annoying pests and hover
around the corners of your mind.
What are your gremlin’s favorite sayings? I am going to write down some of my old Gremlins and I
want you do finish the puzzle.
Here are my Gremlin’s 5 most favorite sayings… (Fill this out)
1. Gremlin Example Saying: You’re not good looking enough to get the
girl of your dreams.
Copyright 2010-2012 PUA Lingo
Now, think about the 5 sayings you hear most frequently from your Gremlin and put them through
the consequences and benefits challenge. What would you gain or lose by believing or not
believing what it is saying to you?
Results of believing your Gremlin
Results of not believing your Gremlin
Copyright 2010-2012 PUA Lingo
Common Gremlin Activity=  Depression
Now, let’s take a look at some of the patterns of Gremlin sayings. Make some notes for yourself if
any of these apply to you.
1) All or Nothing Syndrome
Seeing things in black or white categories.
‘If I don’t approach this time, I’m a total failure’
‘if this relationship doesn’t work out, I’m staying single for the next 5 years’
2) Overgeneralization/Exaggeration
Expecting that because something has not gone the way you had hoped, it will never go
right and there will be dire consequences
‘I got a bad reaction on my first approach, the rest of the night will be crap’
‘I ate a doughnut this morning… I’ll never get to grips with weight loss’
3) Mental Filtering
You see and dwell only the negative to the point where it distorts your view of a person or
a situation with adequate evidence either way
‘I’ve left 2 messages now, she’s utterly hopeless at communication’!’
‘This bar is closed on Wednesdays, they obviously don’t care too much about their
4) Converting positives into negatives
You reject your achievements and other positive experiences by insisting that they ‘don’t
count’. In this way you maintain a negative belief that can fly in the face of evidence to the
‘We got that girls number because there were no other guys there’
‘She’s only being nice to me because she feels sorry for me’
Copyright 2010-2012 PUA Lingo
5) Mind Reading
Drawing a negative conclusion when there is little or no evidence to support it. To
conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you without checking it out.
‘She has interrupted me twice now, I bet I’m really boring her’
‘It’s been a week since I sent that proposal, they must think it’s rubbish’
6) Crystal Balling
You anticipate things will turn out badly and treat your prediction as an established fact.
‘She won’t understand what I’m talking about, so I even talk about it’
‘She’ll hate the exhibition, so I’m not going to invite him’
7) Catastrophising/Awfulising
Exaggerating the impact of events and convincing yourself that if something goes wrong it
will be utterly intolerable
‘If this set doesn’t go well, I will never get over it’
‘I’m going to be totally devastated if she rejects my offer for a date’
8) Labeling
You use negative language to describe yourself or others, reinforcing a sense of wrongdoing.
‘I’m /stupid/boring/fat/unattractive’
‘He’s just a paranoid control-freak’
9) Demands
Over-use of ‘shoulds’, ‘oughts’, ‘musts’ lead to guilt, frustration and disappointment in self
and others.
‘She should shut-up and listen’
‘I must not get angry’
Copyright 2010-2012 PUA Lingo
10) Comparison
Making spurious comparisons that diminish or aggrandize.
‘She’s fabulous and so articulate, I just mumble and go red’
‘I’m glad I don’t live like that anymore, he is so chaotic and unfocused'
Which voices you listen to in your head is up to you
Copyright 2010-2012 PUA Lingo
# 6: Having a deep enough reason to endure the inevitable pains of change
If you haven’t cried on your journey to become a master PUA, then you haven’t made real progress.
The one reason guys fail to do the things they know they need to do is because they let themselves
get comfortable in their discomfort. They let themselves fall back into old habits and get “stuck”
again when it becomes easier to live in the pain they got used to: No success also sometimes feels
very similar to “no failure.”
This is all an ILLUSION. We mistake inaction as avoiding risk, which means no loss, which means
no pain. But even in your avoidance, we are being rejected all the time. Think about it for a second:
For example, 90% of all people in the United States will wind up broke when they get to
Despite the economic downturns between 2000-2010, saving rates in the US have barely
reached 5% of a person’s total income. 5%!
Why is this and how can it possibly happen in one of the most affluent societies in the
It’s because there’s no PRESENT PAIN for us to feel. Our pain is all way off in the uncertain
future. So we never get motivated to do what we need to do now.
The same is more than true about changes we want to make in our habits and our social
No one likes pain - of any kind. In fact, human are “comfort seeking” animals by nature.
However, anything that is of value in this life requires hard work, sacrifice, and sometimes,
Copyright 2010-2012 PUA Lingo
In the end, the joy of the accomplishments far outweighs the initial pain of change. Always
remember this on your journey.
So, do we use pain or pleasure to reward change? My suggestion is to use pain first; in you are in a
comfortable zone that is causing you silent discomfort. For example:
If I don’t destroy my approach anxiety:
a. I won’t approach women, and I’ll spend Saturdays at home watching the same
South Park episodes for the 56th time...
b. I’ll resort to Internet porn and end up being an addict...
c. My mom will keep setting me up with ugly chicks from her work...
d. I’ll never get laid or fall in love…
e. My friends will never stop making fun of me...
You get the picture.
Copyright 2010-2012 PUA Lingo
This is your negative motivator. I find that motivating yourself with pain is exceptionally effective
since we are all very motivated more by pain than pleasure. Again, one of those natural
psychological traits of humans.
Now, whenever you start to backslide, or you think that approaching that hottie is scary, just
review this list and remember the pain you’re in for if you DON’T do it.
You miss 100% of the shots you do not take, and you fail every approach you DON’T make!
Pleasure can also be used as positive reinforcement.
If I conquer my AA, I will be able to:
Have a girlfriend
Not always sleep and feel so alone..
Have a bigger and more fun social circle
I will have regular sex with hot girls and girls I am actually attracted to...
I will stop feeling so depressed all the time
My old friends will stop making fun of me. The thought of them asking me for help
with girls!
Use this as POSITIVE motivation once the NEGATIVE reinforcement has forced you into
taking the first step of action towards change.
Copyright 2010-2012 PUA Lingo
# 7: Hired Guns and Charity Approaches
Sometimes guys are still extremely nervous after the theoretical discussions of AA and how to
overcome it through cognitive thinking.
As a coach, I have to think of a way to help these guys. So let’s take some of the sting out of it, and
get used to interacting with women who can’t reject you.
First: Hired guns!
Hired guns are women who were hired for their beauty. They work at retail stores, mall stores,
department stores, bars, strip clubs, the shop on the street. They are everywhere.
It is their job to talk to you. I took a job at a retail store just to find out more about what these girls
were thinking. Most of them time, they are bored to death or have a sales quota, and therefore
actually look forward to talking to people.
Hired guns are generally very friendly and easy to banter with. Don’t try to go for a number if you
are just starting out, because it will creep out the whole situation very fast. Two things to
You want to always walk away with a positive feeling. This is conditioning your nervous system
that talking with women is no big deal and do not have an agenda beyond making her feel better
and BRING VALUE to the conversation. Don’t be the creepy customer who hits on all the girls at the
store. Talk to the guys at the store too, they are usually the ones that will either talk you up or talk
bad about you during lunch hours.
Second: The Hit and Run Approach
You’re going to make it a point to go approach and pay one sincere compliment to 50 women you
see. No agenda, no number closes. There is a guy on YouTube that had a friend film him and his
goal was to say hi to as many people as possible in fewer than 5 minutes. What a way to get past
social conditioning. And that’s it.
Just give away a compliment to every woman you see. Hell, go ahead and give a compliment to
every guy, even. You’re adding value to each interaction and making people’s days better. And it’s
even better if you do this with women that you don’t find attractive. Why? Because then you’re
making your approaches equal opportunity, and you’ll feel even better for having put a smile on a
woman’s face who might not be getting hit on as much anymore.
Copyright 2010-2012 PUA Lingo
I personally am not as attracted to black girls and most Asian girls (unless they are a 9 or 10), but
every once in a while I’ll chat up a group of black or Asian girls at a club if they are standing alone
just to make their day. Sometimes I even hit it off with a girl I like. You just never know.
After your initial 50 approaches you’re going to find that walking up to women completely loses its
weird paralyzing power over you.
Go up to her and give her a compliment with no expectations of a reply or return:
“Excuse me, Hi. I just wanted to say, I love the way you’ve put yourself together. That scarf finishes
off the curves around your clothing so well...” And then, IMMEDIATELY start turning to walk away.
If she pulls you back to re-engage in a conversation, see where it goes. However, you don’t want to
linger of make her think that you’re there to “hit on her” or make a pickup attempt. She should be
saying “Thank you” to you as you’re walking away with a smile and a wave. The absolute WORST
situation is that she gives you a half smile or looks confused. A girl with this type of reaction is
probably socially un-calibrated and you should not let their projections influence your own
Remember, you’re trying to develop your ESSENCE. It is this ATTITUDE of charity and positive
energy you’re working on. You’re just a guy that adds value.
Most guys find that after only a few approaches like this, their approach anxiety completely fades.
Remember, approaching becomes fun again when you stop needing a certain outcome from it.
Copyright 2010-2012 PUA Lingo
# 8: ORDINARY effort exerted towards a goal consistently produces EXTRAORDINARY
results. (Credit: Matt Hussey)
Write that down. Seriously. Ordinary effort exerted towards a goal consistently produces
extraordinary results. There is one thing I recommend more than anything else to learn how to
handle approach anxiety: Make a commitment to approach at least one woman every day.
When you’re reading or keyboard jockeying seduction material you’re probably thinking, “I can do
five approaches every day if I want.” Or “I’ve been planning for a while now to go out and do ten
approaches every day.”
I’ve been there. You end up planning this for weeks on end and it never happens. When it does,
you’re so out of practice that the approaches feel like clunky and un-smooth.
Sometimes, you just have other things going on in your life, whether it is school or business.
Particularly at those times, you still improve. Why? Because this is a part of who you are now. One
approach every day.
Approaching one woman every day will get you out of your shell. That’s why that first approach is
so hard. You’re stuck inside your head all day and all of a sudden you have to come out. By doing
one approach a day, you are doing that one hardest approach every single day. It is like doing the
mile run every day. Each day you will become more smooth and better and better at it. Before you
know it, you can run for 3 miles every morning.
You CANNOT experience an approach by reading stuff on the internet or watching videos. Sorry.
There’s something different that goes on in your body when you actually go and approach a
woman and have that real world experience.
After doing this for 2-3 months you will have talked to over 100 girls and you start developing and
internalizing a natural vibe with your interactions with other women and people.
The way to do this is by going out for half an hour every day. This gets your body and mind used to
“being out.” It gets you thinking about improvement. Maybe for the first week, you don’t even
approach a woman. That’s ok. Get comfortable with the scenery and take actions to move forward.
When you’re ready, your opener could very well be:
“Hi. I was just walking through the mall and I wanted to come over and say hi. My name is…”
Copyright 2010-2012 PUA Lingo
It doesn’t have to be an elaborate opener. Keep it simple:
“Hi. How is your day going?”
“Are you just getting out of work?”
“I like blueberries.”
“Excuse me. Have you seen my squirrel? I think he ran this way”
“I love the way you’re put together. It just… works. Hi, I name is…”
If you can do this ordinary approach consistently, within weeks you will being to see an
unstoppable improvement in your inner confidence. Keep a record of your approaches. You may
want to get a calendar and put gold stars on the days you approach. Run this exercise like a sales
goal for the quarter. Reward yourself when you reach your goals, and put motivational boosters in
place to combat complacency.
ORDINARY effort exerted towards a goal consistently produces EXTRAORDINARY results.
Consistency is the key in achieving great goals:
Copyright 2010-2012 PUA Lingo
#9: Hacks in AA programming (Credit: Mystery)
There a few ways to game the system and circumvent AA. They are not 100% and you cannot
consistently rely on these techniques if you want to become a master PUA in the long term. That
said, I am sure you are wondering right now what these are. With reservation I am going to share
them with you:
1. Follow the 3-Second Rule: Upon first entering a venue, approach a set in the first 3 seconds. For
some strange biological reason, this bypasses your AA and prevents it from festering in your mind.
It also immediately builds confidence and the rest of the room assumes you know the person. This
is particularly effective when you are going out alone and bar jumping.
2. Do three (3) warm-up approaches to start out the night. This will put you into a talkative state,
and then you’ll be ready for the rest of the night. It overcomes approach anxiety. Usually, by my 3rd
or 4th approach, the fear of AA goes away. Unfortunately this “reset AA” trigger only works on the
same night and does not accumulate over time. Therefore, always build into your logistics a bar
where you can wreck the room or do warm up sets. Be in a talkative “state”.
3. Preselect yourself: bring a girlfriend out, or always been seen with a woman. If a woman gives
you proximity, open her. If you see a new set that you want to open, approach it within 3 seconds.
This practice will give you confidence and once you get better you will begin to build social proof
in the venue moving from set to set and adding value.
4. Start making girlfriends. This is not as hard as you think. As PUAs, we know how to build
rapport with people. Take out the sexual part of you game and make genuine girlfriends. They will
be able to give you female advice without the hassle of girl problems that you usually have in
As always, don’t’ rely on only preselection because it is such a powerful tool. AFC Adam compares
it to being a “wall hack” in a first person shooter game because it allows you to create female
attraction for yourself. Don’t always rely on a female wing or girlfriend to achieve pre-selection
and practice developing this on your own.
Copyright 2010-2012 PUA Lingo
#10: For the technically focused, a breakdown of breaking AA thought patterns (Credit: PUA
Rival Instructions
a) Your brain receives rival instructions from being lonely and wanting to socialize, to not getting
rejected or embarrassed while socializing within your small tribe.
Approach so you are not lonely ------>
<------ Don’t get rejected /embarrassed in tribe
b) These are hardwired into our biology. So, if you had to choose, which one of these instructions
would you like to drop to better your life?
c) If I drop the first “approach so you are not lonely” command, what are the best results of this?
Advantages of dropping the first approach command
Not get rejected / I can avoid a “NO”
Disadvantages of dropping the first approach command
End up alone
Not have a fulfilling life
Not having confidence
Meet less people and friends
If I drop the second command “don’t get rejected”, what are the best results of this?
Advantages of dropping the “don’t get rejected” command
Meet more people
Fill up your diary
Make new friends
Build confidence and control of your life
Not being alone
Find a girlfriend or find the one
Copyright 2010-2012 PUA Lingo
Disadvantages of dropping the “don’t get rejected” command
Don’t get embarrassed or rejected
Avoid potential fights
d) Aside from dropping rival instructions, you can also build associations to your beliefs to change
your actions. Bring them into alignment.
Approach so you are not lonely ------>
<------ Don’t get rejected /embarrassed in tribe
e) Re-align and anchor positive associations to getting rejected. Rejection is good.
It helps me get to where I want to go.
I learn what not to do and what works.
I build more reference points.
The mPUAs that are the best are the ones that have endured the most rejection
than anyone else.
f) But what about embarrassment?!? Embarrassment or fun? It is your choice!
Change your beliefs, and you will change your instructions. Rejection is good. You’re beliefs are
now in alignment with your goals. By logically thinking about this, we can thus arrive at the
conclusion that in the majority of cases, more approaches is a good thing. The rewards for
approaching women are high, and the risks are very low or non-existent. Remember this the next
time you are out.
Copyright 2010-2012 PUA Lingo
I hope this eBook has been of value to you. Please feel free to email your feedback and comments
to me at [email protected] You can get updated and regular updates from us by signing up
to our exclusive newsletter at http://www.pualingo.com/.
AlphaWolf (Vince)
Quotes on AA
Juggler @ SF Lair meeting:
“The fear never really goes away. Even for us [masters]. And that is a good thing. You have something
to live for, to fear and conquer. The day you no longer feel fear during an approach, is the day you
need to find something else to do that has enough meaning to cause fear in you.”
Mystery in field footage:
“Ah. The fear. We all feel it. But we burrow through it. We fight through it.”
Jeffy in Nine Ball:
“I was at the end of the road. Then Tyler pops up in my mind and starts talking to me. What Would
Tyler Do? (WWTD?)”
DJ Fuji @ SF Lair meeting correcting a student’s mock approach:
“Do that again. Do it better”
Troy Dizon:
“Fucking go. Follow the energy and vibe of the club, and say that it has led you here, to the girls”
Copyright 2010-2012 PUA Lingo