Calendar - Capilano Courier
FREE CONE DAY
$ - Free (it says so in the title)
ACCESS PRO BONO LEGAL CLINIC
Treehouse – Library 131
7 pm to 9 pm
$ - education
VANCOUVER POETRY SLAM
Café Deux Soleils
My couch and my cat
$ - YouTube
Alva is really excited about this one. She has
told me about it three times already. Once, I
saw Alva and Therese eat two boxes of macaroni
and cheese like it ain’t no thing, and then go for
ice cream at 3 am. It happened, I swear. So take
her to go get some ice cream. I’ll bet she will
take more than one offer.
Every time that Andy Rice hears the term “pro
bono”, he automatically thinks of Chaz Bono and
bursts into a fit of happy giggles. I’m going to send
him to report on this just so he can laugh throughout
the entire thing. Bono part aside, this is legal advice
for those who are looking for it. Don’t get sued, y’all.
Slam poetry has become a trend in Vancouver of
the past years. Café Deux Soleils (or the café of two
suns, if you didn’t know), hosts weekly poetry performances from locals who have more balls than I do
intelligence. It’s an open slam, so it works on a firstcome, first-serve basis. They also offer healthy food
and beer. Skip the food, drink the beer, and enjoy
some spoken word works.
Since the beginning of the semester, one of my assignments was to watch the original 12 Angry Men.
Made in 1957, the movie is about 12 men, who
are angry, as they have to make a collective decision about whether a kid is guilty of murder or not.
I’ve seen snippets and it’s amazing how relaxed these
guys are about putting a young boy in jail. It’s basically 12 white men yelling at each other. It’s like
what happens in Parliament today.
ST. PADDY'S DAY
U2: RATTLE AND HUM
Irish Pubs Everywhere
$ - one massive hangover
$6 - $8
Irish people rejoice, it’s the day to drink all the
beer, kiss all the people and then barf up all that
beer. People really like this day, as it’s another great
excuse to drink too much and let the inhibitions
come out to play. For everyone else, they call it St.
Paddy’s Day. For me, I call it a Tuesday.
These guys have been around since 1996 and I
thought they were pretty big. But I guess they are
only big enough to fill the Imperial. They even
have 10 studio albums and have toured all over
the world. Surely, they are at least deserving of the
Pacific Coliseum. But they are touring because
they have a new album out called Human Zoo.
That’s essentially what the Courier office becomes
Last summer, I was driving a random guy to planting
camp, and he asked me to name my favourite and
least favourite band. I took the opportunity to shit
all over U2, describing in detail how Bono’s pretensions voice makes me want to plug my own years
with skid-marked underwear. When I returned the
question, he told me that U2 was his favourite band
ever, and we spent the rest of the 10-hour drive in
Tycho is from San Francisco, home to all this tech
and Mrs. Doubtfire. He plays ambient music and
apparently produces some of his own work too.
He’s touring to support his latest release Awake. If
I go, I will probably fall asleep, which is the exact
opposite of what he wants. Ambient music is my
ACCESSIBILITY JUSTICE COLLECTIVE
2:30 pm to 3:30 pm
$ - interest
Storm Crow Tavern
Fortune Sound Club
Amanda Palmer is famous for growing her armpit
hair out and then writing songs about it. She is
also known for being outspoken on many issues,
including women’s rights and the feminist movement. She’s even done some TED Talks, and that
is what this evening is all about. It’s Amanda
Palmer and her Friends from TED – that’s the
actual title of the show.
Apparently, this guy is quite the name in his music genre. He has worked with the likes of Diplo
(whose name I recognize), Major Lazer, Katy Perry
and Justin Beiber among many others. After his
experience with the Beebs, I wonder if he is a Beilber. I think I would be.
Everyone deserves access to everywhere on campus,
and that’s what this meeting is all about. If you’ve
even had trouble huffing your way up those Fir steps,
or getting to class on time, these guys would want
to hear your opinions. It’s a relaxed atmosphere, and
it’s pretty important. Hey guys, the more you care
about your campus, the more it will care about you
For an entire year, Andy Rice has wanted to write a
guide to hamburgers, and I have squashed it at every attempt. He really likes hamburgers – actually
he just likes good food in general. If you follow
him on Instagram, you’ll see nicely framed photos of plates of food. There is also one of him in
Harper’s office, which would only be enhanced by
him eating a greasy hamburger on the desk.
THE SECRET GARDEN
$10 - $22
5:30 pm to 9 pm
$ - free
Isn’t this a classic children’s story, about a garden
that comes alive? I think they made a movie out
of it when I was still a kid, and I saw it once in the
movie theatre. The event page tells me that this is
nice story, set in England in 1906, and is based on
a story written by Frances Hodgson Burnett. Man,
they had some cool names back then.
The CSU is hosting this event, which is an acoustic music performances by Capilano bands. And
there are a lot of Capilano bands. It’s fitting, as
this is a music school and all. Apparently some
of these bands are pretty good, but if we have
learned anything over the course of these calendars, it’s that I’m shitty at music. There will
be alcohol served at the event too. I’m good at
If I had a band – not that I ever would, when I
sing it sounds like a squirrel is getting ran over –
but if I did, I would never name it Limplifter. I do
like the alliteration it has and the sound of it, but
it spurs images of one giant Viagra ad. This says
nothing about their musical ability, as I’m sure
they are stellar musicians, but more of their ability
to when the lights go down. They are touring in
support of their new album Pacific Milk.
The first assignment I ever got for music writing
was to review a Gaslight Anthem album in the
spring of 2009. I detailed how these guys were
like American boys that your mom would love,
and that your dad would listen to in an attempt
to hold onto the dying days of his youth and
think he was still cool. Six years later, I still stand
by this. Worth seeing – they are total babes too.
THE CAVE SINGERS
$ - guess its free
Hard Rock Casino
Fortune Sound Club
John Stetch is a composer, pianist and educator
and I know all of this because it says so in his bio
for the event. His most recent album, Off with
the Cuffs, is Juno-nominated, and while that’s no
Grammy, its still better than anything I’ve ever
done. He’s also playing at CapU for free, so that’s
cool. I can guarantee it will be a more rewarding
experience than Full House reruns on Netflix.
I never would have guessed that Lynyrd Skynrd
would be playing at the Hard Rock Casino. I
mean, this guy used to be somebody, baby, and
now to subjected to playing for a crowd of aunts
drunk on white wine. It’s like thinking that the
Foo Fighters are going to have to do this in 30
years, and that’s not a nice thought. Everyone
needs to make that money, eh. Not such a free
bird, are you now, Lynard?
Seattle-rockers the Cave Singers are in town to serenade the Vancouver crowd. Thinking about it, I
have fallen in love on three different occasions with
Cave Singer songs as the soundtrack to the love affair. It’s just beautiful music to let your heart flow
with. And I can tell you that I am going to get
mocked for writing this. Still worth it.
Turquoise Jeep Records are a group based out of
Michigan. From the 15-second video I’ve seen
they are very upbeat and fun, and look like they
put on a really good show. Granted, I saw that
from only a small clip, but take a chance on it.
I mean, it’s $15, at Fortune, which is rad, and
you’ll likely meet the love of your life at the show.
Make sure to thank me afterwards.
THE FUNK HUNTERS
HURRAY FOR THE RIFF RAFF
7:30 pm to 10:30 pm
Comedy and rap don’t really sound like things
that would go together too well, kind of like cats
and water. But people be combining the two in
this event, which features some of Vancouver’s
funniest battling each other in rap verses. My bet
is that one of them is just so terrible at it that they
say screw it and just start literally spitting on the
competition. I’d go if that were a guarantee.
I have a good friend who has written a few articles
for this publication, and she has gone a few dates
with one of the guys from the Funk Hunters. I
know very little about the band itself, but can tell
you that one of them – who shall remain nameless
– is pretty good between the sheets. If you go and
stand at the front and make enough flirty eyes at
the band, maybe you will get to experience it too.
This guy is from Horsefly, BC, which is in the middle of the Cariboo reigion, which is why most of
you have probably never heard of it. He also makes
music, that is self described as “acoustic punk”. I
dunno what that really means, but if you want to
know more before deciding to go to this show or
not, check out JesseLebourdais.bandcamp.com.
Alynda Lee Segarra is the driving force behind
Hurray for the Riff Raff, and naturally, all I want
to know is how she came up with that name. But
I’m going to push past that, and find out more.
She is 26, came to fame with her 2012 release of
Look Out Mama. She’s of Puerto Rican decent, but
I don’t know if she’s ever stepped into that country. I’ll get back to you on that one.
WALK THE MOON
The Rio Theatre
Ecosmith is a group of four siblings that create
emo and 80’s dance-inspired music. That’s interesting because the only thing I make with my siblings are arguments and hangovers. They’re from
California, so I bet they all smoke weed to chill
them out. Maybe that’s the issue – my siblings
and I aren’t big enough stoners. I’ll make sure they
I don’t know anything about these guys. I thought
they were teeny-booper music, judging them
solely on their name, but then Faye was excited to
know that they are coming to town and wants to
see them. Faye knows music, and therefore I think
you should go to this. Trust Faye’s opinion over
mine. Maybe she should write these Calendars.
HBO – Your House
$ - HBO
Another season of sniffling Girls comes to an end,
and even though I didn’t want to watch it, I totally
did. Although the season isn’t finished, I’m convinced I never want to get married and that there
is a possibility that my father might be gay. Also,
the last episode is apparently called “Home Birth”,
which is both intriguing and disgusting.
Café Deux Soleils
$ - generosity
The proper name of this is “Women Against Violence Against Women” fundraiser, but that really
confused me, so I took the liberty to shorten it. Also,
they spelled “violence” as “Volience” which was also
confusing, so I hope that I got the facts right and
it’s a fundraiser for something different. Anyways,
violence against women – or anyone for that matter – isn’t cool. Go help fundraise efforts against it.
T h e C a p i l a n o C o u r i e r . Volume 48 I ssue N o . 21