MARCH 24 - APRIL 13, 2011 IN THIS ISSUE: LawLer`s

Transcription

VOLUME 9 ISSUE 4
#032411041311
MARCH 24 - APRIL 13, 2011
READ THE PLANET, IT’S FREE
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(256) 533 • 4613
IN THIS ISSUE:
LawLer’s BBQ,
The Single Guy: Communidate,
Unemployed in Huntsville, Crawfish Boil,
To Yuno From Yunohoo, Mountain Stories,
Relit: Smokin’ Good Reads Worth a ReKindle,
The Greatest Music and Events Calendars on Earth!
Stars & Stripes
H
untsville Ballet Company is presenting its
annual spring performance and Discover
Dance community program on April 9 at the
Von Braun Center Concert Hall at 2:00 pm and 7:30
pm.
A lively, colorful tribute to the military will highlight
an evening of eclectic and exciting dance. The finale of
this spring performance is Stars and Stripes. Inspired
by Balanchine, Huntsville Ballet’s Phillip Otto sets
out to create Huntsville’s own tribute to the military. With music by John Phillip Souse and arrangement
by Hershey Kay, Stars and Stripes is destined to be a
patriotic favorite.
Also included in the performance are some highly
anticipated jazz numbers set on Huntsville Ballet by
the world renowned Keith Anthony R. Cross who is a
master teacher for cross jazz tours and artist in residence
at the Kincaide School of Houston. He has danced
with Gus Giordano and Alvin Alley Dance Theatre
before founding his own company. Throughout the
dance community, Keith Cross is known for excellent
choreography. He will not only be setting a piece on
the company here, but dancing in the show as well!
Timothy Fox is also setting a piece on Huntsville Ballet
for the performance. He studied full time at the School
of American Ballet and then danced with the New York
City Ballet under George Balanchine, Jerome Robbins,
and Peter Martins. He later danced with the San
Francisco Ballet as a principal until retiring in 1991. He then moved to Los Angeles to pursue an acting
career. Tim has recently taught at the request of many
of the finest dance institutions in the U.S. including
Boston Ballet and Philadelphia Ballet School.
Before the Huntsville Ballet begins the main
performances of the evening, there will be a preperformance Discover Dance event with students from
the in school residencies at Lakewood and Whitesburg
elementary schools. These students will be showcasing
their new skills and choreography that they created
after receiving free dance lessons at their school
campuses for the last several months. During this preperformance there will also be some highlights of local
choreographers showcasing everything from hip hop to
classical short pieces. The Discover Dance community
performance is free with the price of a ticket to Stars
and Stripes. Military and first responders are invited to
purchase tickets at a buy one, get one free offer. There
are two shows only on April 9th at 1:30 and 7:00 pm. Tickets can be purchased at the Von Braun ticket office
or through ticketmaster. More information can be
obtained at the Ballet office 256-539-0931 or at www.
communityballet.org Amy McCarley
plays the
Flying Monkey
March 25th
J
oin Amy McCarley as she celebrates the release
of her self-titled debut album on Friday 3/25
at the Flying Monkey Arts Theater. Barring
one Gillian Welch cover, for her first professionally
manufactured album, Amy wrote, produced, recorded,
mixed, played all the instruments and sang all the
parts right here in her Huntsville, AL home studio. The record of her work —a collection of gorgeous
ballads interspersed with a smattering of up-tempo
emotional rockers— has an intimate, lived in quality
mastering engineer Jim DeMain was able to preserve
while adding the finishing touches in his Nashville
based studio. Starting at 8pm on Friday, refreshments
will be provided and Amy will be available to sign
CDs for $10. Stick around for a free show at 9pm
featuring backing band Michael Kilpatrick on drums
and Nick Walker on upright bass. A free CD goes
to the first 10 guests; commemorative gig posters
available while supplies last. See http:www.facebook.
com/amymccarleymusic for more information.
Amy McCarley
Bike Night at Copper Top
March 30,
6:30 with The Crawlers!
Ragbirds at the Flying
Monkey Tonight!
O
n Thursday March 24th ($7, 8pm) The Ragbirds will be bringing their unique World sound to the Flying
Monkey stage at Lowe Mill ARTS & Entertainment with Florence natives – The Bear.
Led by dynamic, energetic front woman and multi-instrumentalist Erin Zindle, The Ragbirds utilize an arsenal of
instruments from around the world. The Ragbirds are a fusion of folk rock and pop hooks over danceable world
rhythms stirred with a Celtic fiddler’s bow.
Surrounding Zindle’s earthy-sweet voice is the whirlwind of guitarist T.J. Zindle and dynamic bassist Brian
Crist, spinning over the world-beat grooves of drummer Loren Kranz and percussionist Randall Moore. Zindle
skillfully switches between violin, mandolin, banjo, accordion, and percussion, all while dancing around the stage,
drawing the awe of audiences across
the country.
The Ragbirds have performed in over
30 states to a tune of 150+ shows a
year. Crisscrossing the nation in their
converted diesel bus that runs on
recycled waste vegetable oil, these
festival favorites have performed at
Rothbury, 10,000 Lakes, Summer
Camp, Ann Arbor Folk Festival,
Hookahville, and more, and have
shared the stage with Rusted Root,
Railroad Earth, Toubab Krewe, Hot
Buttered Rum, The Duhks, and many
others.
www.lowemill.net
www.theragbirds.com
2
Ragbirds
#032411041311
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 4
Lukas Nelson
Willie Nelson’s son
Lukas Nelson plays
at Humphrey’s
Bar and Grill in
Downtown
Huntsville
on April 15
THE VALLEY PLANET
In
The
Planet
march 24 - april13, 2011
NEXT ISSUE APRIL14, 2011
203 Grove Ave., Huntsville Al, 35801, phone 256.533-4613
Publisher
Jill Wood
Calendar
Joanie Williams
Lay-Out
Douglas A. Lange
Contributors
Ricky Thomason
Tim Benton
Thomas V. Ress
The Chowhound
Aaron Hurd
Shawn Bailey
Allison Gregg
Matthew Pierce
Tina Leach
Fonda Davis
Jackie Anderson
Bonnie Roberts
Elaine Nelson
Christine Burke Ashwell
“See-see, whut ha’happened whuz.”
~ Th’ Champ
Thank you for reading the fine print of the Valley Planet. The Valley Planet and valleyplanet.com are published every three weeks by J W Publications in Huntsville, AL. You can pick up the paper free all over the place
or get it free on the web. Copyright2003 by the Valley Planet, Inc. All
rights reserved. You can contact me at [email protected]
Reproduction or use without our permission is strictly prohibited. The
views and opinions expressed within these pages and on the web site are
not necessarily those of the Valley Planet or its staff. The Valley Planet is
not responsible for unsolicited manuscripts or art. Back issues are available for viewing on our web site www.valleyplanet.com in the archives
section. You may reach the Valley Planet office @ 256.533.4613 or by
mail at Valley Planet 203 Grove Ave. Huntsville, AL 35801.
Subscriptions to the Valley Planet are now available for $50 a year in the
USA.
256-533-4613 VALLEY PLANET
THE VALLEY PLANET
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 4
#032411041311
TABLE OF CONTENTS
2
Ragbirds
2
Amy McCarley plays Flying Monkey
2
Stars & Stripes
3
On the Cover
4
Lawlers Review, The Chowhound
5
Winners in American History, Matthew Pierce
5
The Jazz Lounge, Jackie Anderson
5
Adventures in the Tennessee Valley, Tina Leach
6
Unchained Maladies, Ricky Thomason
6
Relit, Ricky Thomason
7
Free Will Astrology
8
The Single Guy: Communi-Date, Aaron Hurd
8
Alabama Special Interests Versus You, Thomas V. Ress
9
Party of One, Allison Gregg
9
Mountain Stories, Christine Burke Ashwell
10
Dr Anarcho’s Rx for Old Stuff That Don’t Suck
11
Music Calendar Begins
12
Music Calendar Continues
13
More Music Calendar
14
Regional Calendar
14
Top Flight Comedian Henry Cho Comes to Huntsville
15
Events Calendar begins
16
What Then Must We Do?, Bonnie Roberts
17
Events Calendar Continues
18
More Events Calendar
19
Auntie Jen’s Animal Crazy
20
News of the Weird
21
Unemployed in Huntsville, Shawn Bailey
21
True BS, Tim Benton
22
CRAWFISH BOIL ANNOUNCES 2011 LINEUP
22
Hangout Festival is Making Waves on Music Scene, Fonda Davis
23
Valley Planet Classified Ads
23
Music Exchange
23
To Yuno From Yunohoo
Letter from the
Publisher
pring has officially arrived which means all the
outdoor fun begins and I finally come out of semi
hibernation. Restaurant and bar patios are open,
a lot of live music is taken outside, picnickers are in our
local parks, cyclists are on the trails and neighbors are
grilling burgers, hotdogs and ribs. Check out our music
and events calendars (and go meet your neighbors) to
make sure you don’t miss any of the fun!
S
Festival season has also begun so mark your calendars
for some local ones coming up soon! The Alabama
Chicken and Egg Festival in Moulton is April 9 – 10,
the Panoply Arts Festival in Huntsville is April 29, 30
and May 1, The Birmingham Crawfish Boil is also on
April 29-30, The Rocket City Brewfest (Huntsville)
is May 13-14, The Hangout Beach Music and Arts
Festival (Gulf Shores) is May 20-22.
For those of you with a love/hate relationship with
Valley Planet writer Ricky Thomason, you can see him
fully loaded and shooting off his mouth as he debuts
his standup comedy performance at the Flying Monkey
Theater on April 7. The show starts at 8pm. For tickets
go to www.rickythomason.com.
Jill E. Wood – Soon to Be Master Griller
On the Cover
Linda Morton’s AT6 TEXAN
L
inda Morton is a full time professional studio artist working in Colored Pencil,
Acrylic, Graphite, Pen & Ink, Fiver and Mixed Media. Morton’s work has been
catalogued in the National Museum of Women in the Arts in Washington DC.;
she is the only artist in Alabama to hold Signature Status with three Watercolor Societies
and the Colored Pencil Society of Alabama. Linda has done work for the U.S. Marines
and the COLSA Corporation and is a Huntsville Sketchbook Artist.
Believing that art is required to express life to the fullest Linda teaches private and group
classes. Her work has been accepted in various galleries and juried shows through out
the United States where she has received recognition and awards. Her work can be seen
on LMortonart.com and at the Huntsville Art League Gallery in Huntsville.
YOUR AD COULD
BE HERE FOR AS LITTLE
AS $63.75 PER ISSUE
PRINTED ON RECYCLED PAPER
so...why isn’t it??
THE VALLEY PLANET
#032411041311
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 4
3
Review: LawLers Barbecue
by The Chow Hound
5004A Whitesburg Drive Suite A
Huntsville, AL 35802
(256) 880-1286
https://www.lawlersbarbecue.com/
I
always look forward to the Best of the Valley’s
Readers’ Poll results coming out (this past
February Valley Planet issue) – my chum of chow
down (aka hubby) and I like to peruse the categories
and evaluate. We nod our heads in joint agreement,
raise our eyebrows in surprise, squabble over our
personal picks, and make note of old favorites that we
haven’t tried recently and vow to visit again. LawLers
Barbeque, the winner of Best Barbecue 2010, is
one of the eateries that falls into the last group. So,
although LawLers has numerous locations (check
their website), we headed over to the one at the corner
of Airport Road and Whitesburg Drive, tucked right
next to the Shell station.
Lawlers
Now, don’t let the fact that this restaurant is attached to a gas station frighten you away in the least. First of all, it
clearly does not affect the droves of people who were lined up at the drive-thru and practically dangling out into
one lane of Airport Road or were inside at the counter either ordering for dine-in or take-out. Hmmm, all these
folks must know something…. Secondly, there is a dining area and although it is small and casual, it’s clean and
homey and the employees are super friendly. We were greeted pleasantly the minute we pushed the door open.
There is a short but sweet menu full of barbecue staples including sandwiches (pork, beef, ham, or turkey), pulled
meat plates, and pork ribs. LawLers also offers stuffed potatoes and salads. There are several traditional Southern
sides such as cole slaw, corn on the cob, and beans and a list of family specials that are plentiful packages of meat
and sides. Moreover, you can top off your meal with either a slice of Sara Lee pecan pie or Hershey’s chocolate
pie.
I was immediately drawn to the pulled pork plate – I
love my pulled pork and at only $5.00 with two sides
and a roll, it sounded like a steal of a deal! Hubby
has a penchant for ribs so I wasn’t shocked when he
ordered up the half slab rib plate with two sides and
a roll. We also couldn’t resist a half pint cup of the
seasonal specialty, Brunswick stew.
We poured up some perfectly refreshing sweet tea
at the self-serve beverage station and about the time
we had popped our straws in the tops, our food was
already ready at the counter. Carting our trays to a
nearby table, we spotted a caddy of sauces displayed
in the table’s center. Oh, wow, a plethora of yummy
sauces to choose from for barbecue toppers! There
Half Slab
was a white sauce labeled “old southern recipe,” a mild sauce with vinegar and peppers,
a rib sauce described as “sweet and spicy,” and a hot sauce, that intrigued in a much smaller bottle than the others.
I couldn’t wait to make my own tasty combination.
Ads.fh11 3/11/11 1:35 PM Page 1
They haunt our collective memories
and they haunt these hills.
The hot Brunswick stew was a lovely start to our meal – it had a delicious tomatoey base and was chock-full of
potatoes, okra, corn, lima beans, onions, and pulled meat. We loved the heartiness of this stew and were delighted
that there was also a hint of spice to it, without being overwhelming. The sweet tea was a perfect foil to the spicy
meatiness of the stew.
A Companion to
Appalachian Witches
by Christine Burke Ashwell
We then turned our attention to our respective plates and I set about finding just the right balance of sauces to
complement my pulled pork (ended up being a proprietary blend of the mild, hot, and rib sauces in very particular
proportions and if I told you, I’d have to kill you). And the meaty pork was divine – flavorful, savory, juicy and
served plain and simple to either consume as-is or sauce up as desired. My side of potato salad was nice and
creamy and reminded me of good old-fashioned church potlucks. I also had the yummy BBQ beans, in a rich tangy
tomato base with bits of meat interspersed. The dinner roll was soft and fresh and made for sopping up leftover
sauces.
As for the ribs, hubby finally shared a tender, tasty bite with me. The ribs come with a zesty dry rub but if you like
your ribs dripping with sauce, refer to the aforementioned caddy of sauce happiness and go crazy. He was on a
bean theme for his sides and also polished off some BBQ beans along with green beans. The green beans were nice
tender Southern homestyle with great seasoning.
Overall, we enjoyed the juicy barbecue and variety of sauce choices, felt the sides were amazing and the prices
really reasonable, and left feeling full and satisfied. The friendly guy behind the counter hollered a goodbye as
we were leaving. LawLers is delightfully unpretentious and all about bringing good food to their customers, loyal
followers that know what’s up when it comes to Best of the Valley barbecue.
April 8&9
and 15&16 at 8PM
April 10&17 at 2:30PM
For More Information
Call 256-536-3117
All performances will take place downstairs
downstairs
on Renaissance Theatre’s Alpha Stage
1212 Meridian Street, Huntsville, Alabama
oror visit
visit www.renaissancetheatre.net
www.renaissancetheatre.net
Pulled Pork Plate
4
#032411041311
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 4
THE VALLEY PLANET
Winners in
American
History
press for his criticism
of Lincoln’s warfare
against Confederate
civilians. This led
him to utter this
immortal quote, after
his political capital
had dried up and he
no longer wielded any
influence:
by Matthew Pierce
iven the recent national fixation on WINNING,
it would seem only logical to write a column
about the topic. Specifically, which of our
country’s dead presidents was the best at it? Because if
there’s one thing people read the Valley Planet for, it’s
historical analysis.
G
James Madison
J-Mad was the architect of the Bill of Rights, which
is a binding document that tells our government what
it can’t do to us. This was a big deal because other
countries had similar documents, but they all were
written to the people, telling them what they could
or could not expect. J-Mad took that and straight up
reversed it, saying that human rights aren’t granted by
anyone….they are inalienable. (Served!)
He almost lost his place on this list due to his bungling
of the War of 1812, which saw America and Britain
fight an encore to the War of Independence. At one
point the British occupied the capitol and burned the
White House, which was kind of a buzzkill. Right
before this happened, Madison’s wife Dolly ran into
the house and saved a portrait of George Washington.
Why is this relevant? It’s not. But you know what is
relevant? She was renowned as a buxom hottie. And
she also makes excellent twinkies and ho-hos, even to
this day. Way to lock that down, Jimmy.
Franklin Pierce
Uncle Frank was an awesome president for the simple
reason that he, like all Pierces, was drop dead sexy. He
was by most accounts an affable, charming man who
was liked personally but critically ridiculed. One of
Uncle Frank’s detractors actually attacked him with a
hardboiled egg, and no, I am not making that up.
W
“There’s nothing left
to do but get drunk.”
Always a man of his
word, Uncle Frank
did this very thing.
Uncle Frank
Calvin Coolidge
Coolidge is relatively unknown to the casual American.
He served as president between the two World Wars,
which is kind of a boring time period.
But settle down, my babies: Cal Cool don’t play the
game like most. Cool likes to sit back and let the game
come to him. When Cal was serving as vice president
and Warren Harding croaked, the press found Cal at his
parent’s home in the middle of the night to tell him the
news. Cal Cool quietly took the oath, and do you know
what that cat did next? Wrote policy by candlelight?
Gave a moonlight oration to the uncertain nation?
Naw, babies. My man Cool took his self and WENT
BACK TO BED.
Coolidge was a sleek, quiet man who brought an ethical
presence to the White House. He preached personal
responsibility. He signed legislation that granted
Native Americans citizenship. Even so, the most
impressive thing about Coolidge was that he turned
down a chance to run for re-election. He just kind of
slipped out the back door and went home, saying he
had been in Washington too long.
On the occasion that Coolidge said something candid,
the resultant quip was consistently Twitterbait. Take
the following quote, which could one day become a
tattoo on VP writer Jen Roberts:
Pierce had two significant achievements to his credit,
the first being that he was married to a woman who
looked a lot like Wynona Ryder. You really can’t put
a price on that. Second, he purchased modern day
Arizona from Mexico, which you can put a price on,
and it was about $10 million, I believe.
“Any man who does not like dogs and want them about
does not deserve to be in the White House.”
Uncle Frank lost all three of his sons, the last being
to a train accident before he took office. Pierce
was eventually disowned by the Democratic Party,
estranged from his wife, and excoriated in the Northern
Reach Matthew at [email protected]
That’s winning, Cal.
Winning.
The middle floor has ze
café. I didn’t eat there, but
it smelled like food and it
looked like it came fully
assembled.
Flupherhaågens and Pfelzörrngs
I
f my Swedish is correct (and it’s not), both are
pieces of ready to assemble furniture that can easily
fit into a 5’ by 5’ NYC loft apartment.
Yes, I’m talking about IKEA. Where everything has an
unpronounceable Swedish name and comes in a box.
Even the store has a box-like shape, but to be fair, the
inside is assembled.
Now, normally I don’t write about shopping, but given
the number of people that said “You went to IKEA?
What’s it like?” I figured why not?
The closest store is in Atlanta (next closest is in Ohio).
I decided to go there one day to look for some reasonably
priced mod furniture. Note: Never go on a sales tax
holiday if you enjoy personal space. If however, you
like touching strangers, moving like cattle, and having
out of control children running around you, then by all
means look up Georgia’s next sales tax holiday.
The store itself is gigantic. The first floor is mostly
just for picking up your boxed flupherhaågens and
pfelzörrngs and paying for them.
THE VALLEY PLANET
The actual merchandise is
mostly on the third floor.
There are different setups
showing how you can fully
furnish apartments the size of a doghouse. It’s actually
pretty cool to see how much you can cleverly fit in such
a tiny space. (Surprisingly, a lot). It also makes me
never want to move to a large city loft apartment. I
likes my space.
elcome to The Jazz Lounge. With thoughts
turning to Spring and better weather, it’s
probably a good time to let you know about
some of the jazz out there that you may want to add to
your collection – both smooth and traditional. There
are MANY out there, but here are some:
“Contact” – Boney James (Verve)
“Sound Advice” – Patti Austin (Shanachie)
“Going Underground” – Shilts (Blanket)
“Cote D’Azur” (Peak/Concord)
“Traveler” – Andy Snitzer (Native Language)
“Earthglow” – David Benoit (Heads Up)
“Moonlight” – Steve Cole (Artistry/Mack Avenue)
“Let’s Touch The Sky” – Fourplay (Heads Up)
“Lady” – Lynne Fiddmont (Midlife)
“The Road…” – Keiko Matsui (Shanachie)
“South Beach” – Brian Simpson (Shanachie)
“Hello Tomorrow” – Dave Koz (Concord)
“I Feel You” – Herb Alpert & Lani Hall (Concord)
“Global Kiss” – Steve Oliver (SOM)
“North End Soul” – Vincent Ingala (vincentingala.
com)
“Inside Out” – Cal Harris, Jr. (CHI International)
“What The Funk?” – Nils (Baja/TSR)
“Love And Sax” – Elan Trotman (elantrotman.com)
“Soul-Tree/The Soul-Jazz Experience” – Lin Rountree
(linrountree.com)
“Larry Carlton Plays The Sound Of Philadelphia” (A
Tribute To Kenny Gamble & Leon Huff) (335)
“Michael Paulo” – Michael Paulo (Featuring-David
Benoit & The Magenta Symphony Orchestra)
(Apaulo)
“Backatcha!” – Walter Beasley (Shanachie)
“Timeline” – The Yellowjackets (Mack Avenue)
“A Night In Monte Carlo” – Marcus Miller (Concord)
“The Gate” – Kurt Elling (Concord Jazz)
“Talented Mr. Pelt” – Jeremy Pelt (HighNote)
“Man With The Hat” – Grace Kelly (Pazz)
“Everybody Wants To Be A Cat” – Disney Jazz Volume
1 – Variouos Artists (Disney)
“Sweet Thunder” – Delfeayo Marsalis (Troubadour
Jass)
“Point A To Point A” – Reggie Pittman & Loren Daniels
Quartet (IvoryHornz)
“The DeFrancesco Brothers” – The DeFrancesco
Brothers (Joey & Johnny) (Vectordisc)
“Zen Food” – Kevin Eubanks (Mack Avenue)
“Bird Songs” – Joe Lovano (Blue Note)
“Live In Marciac” – Brad Mehldau (Nonesuch)
“Rapture” – Dave Miller Trio (Summit)
“Triple Play” – Russell Malone (MAXJAZZ)
“The Trio Of OZ” – The Trio Of OZ (OZmosis)
“Nightlife: Live At Dizzy’s Club Coca-Cola” –
Ernestine Anderson (HighNote)
This is also a good time to get an update on a few of
your favorite artists from the world of jazz.
PAT MARTINO (Legendary Jazz Guitarist &
Composer): “I’ll be opening next week at one of my
favorite places in New York City, “Birdland”, with
a new quartet. The members (aside from myself),
are Michael Pracher (tenor saxophone), Pat Bianchi
The furniture (if you’ve never looked at it) is swanky
and kinda mod. I liked the room with all the solid white
furniture. It made me feel like I was in the future of
the 1960s. I was also waiting for Ann-Margret to do
a song.
Bring a car that can fit the boxes. Delivery is only for
a small amount of miles outside the store. You do not
qualify, and online shipping starts around $200, and a
lot of it is not available online anyway.
I need to go back. There are some shiny, black
bookcases I have my eye on (they have doors to keep
gnawing puppies out).
It’s located on 16th Street (appropriately enough near
a ton of loft apartments). And only 8 miles away from
fancy shopping at Lennox Square Mall.
Did you know the Swedish word for beer is starköl?
Train station is tågstationen. These have nothing to do
with IKEA actually. But one day these will come up
in your life, and when they do I say varsågod (you’re
welcome).
#032411041311
Pat Martino
“Birdland” twice a year, and look forward to it each
time. There’s also an All-Star Tribute/Benefit for
saxophonist Odean Pope, held on March 21st, at The
Philadelphia Clef Club Of Jazz And Performing Arts.
Along with myself and the ensemble, it also includes
performances by Kenny Barron, Ravi Coltrane, Reggie
Workman, and many others.
I’ve been currently involved in the formation of an
autobiography with Bill Milkowski. Bill is the author of
“Jaco” (the book on Jaco Pastorius, the fretless electric
bass icon). It will be published by Hal Leonard, Inc.,
in the fall of 2011.
I also begin a brief Euro-tour in May and June, with
Ron Carter and Mulgrew Miller. We’ll be performing
as a trio thru Germany, Russia, and France. Of course,
there are other engagements coming up with my own
ensemble, along with educational master classes and
clinics, as well.”
KEN WATTERS (JAZZ TRUMPETER &
BROTHER OF NOTED JAZZ TROMBONIST
HARRY WATTERS): “I’ve been VERY busy,
mostly between
freelance gigging,
touring (in the past
three months, I’ve
played in Senegal,
Paris, Marseilles,
Martinique,
Guadeloupe, St.
Martin, West Virginia,
New York City,
London, Amsterdam,
and Atlanta).
My BIGGEST news is
that I have a new, LOCALLY-BASED Ken Watters
jazz sextet called Watters-Felt Project.
It’s co-led by myself (trumpet), and a new GREAT jazz
singer in town named Ingrid Felts. Other members
include pianist Pete Harrison, bassist Abe Becker,
drummer Marcus Pope (Alabama A & M University
grad), and percussionist Darrell Tibbs. This is a wellrehearsed, tight jazz-oriented group. We play some
straight-ahead jazz standards, lots of “non-jazz” covers,
but done in a jazz style, and lots of originals written by
every member of the band.”
STEVE OLIVER (SMOOTH JAZZ GUITARIST
& VOCALIST): “My newest album, “Global Kiss”,
has been doing great! The first single, “Fun In The
Sun”, went to # 1 on Billboard. The new single,
“Global Kiss” is # 4 on Billboard.
I am going to the Wave Awards, in Toronto, Canada.
Up for “International Artist” award and I will be
performing “Global Kiss” in the award show. When I
am not touring, I am writing and producing music.”
KEITH WILLIAMS (SMOOTH JAZZ GUITARIST
& COMPOSER):“Right now, I’m gearing up for my
first “live recording”. However, I haven’t picked a date
nor venue.
Also,
I’m
working on a
book that will
be published
at the end of
the year. My
latest album,
“New Birth”
was released
last year, in
April.”
You can
reach me at: teekynyc@
yahoo.com.
Until next
time, stay
cool, and
keep it
jazzy!
(Hammond B3 Organ), and Shawn Hill (drums). We’ll
be there from March 15th to March 19th, 2011. I’m at
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 4
Keith Williams
5
Unchained
Maladies
> On average ten people a year are
killed by vending machines. (These
rogue machines often goad humans
into striking them first by refusing to
give out the paid for munchies. Then
they can claim self-defense)
by Ricky Thomason
Admit it. You watch Jeopardy and feel
superior to your bar mates because you know
more useless crap than they do. If they’d only
let you on the show after three beers you’d
kick Alex Trebeck’s smug a** and take all
his money, right?
artwork by Debbie West
There’s just something in human DNA that makes us
think the more trivia we know the smarter we are, and
by nature are more apt to get a chance to pass on our
genes by getting in theirs.
Memorize all of this and you’ll get screwed – I promise.
You can thank me later.
> Dogs were used by the Soviet Union as anti-tank
bombs during World War Two. Dogs were taught that
food could be found under tracked vehicles. The dogs
were kept hungry and with bombs attached, released to
find approaching German tanks. A wooden lever would
detonate the bomb on contact with the bottom of the
tank. It was reported that over 300 German tanks were
destroyed by anti-tank dogs. (Finally, something that
really did make the dog explode)
>Zambian authorities don’t allow tourists to take
pictures of Pygmies. (Not even little pictures?)
>Every year in the US, more people are killed by deer
than by any other animal. (About time they bucked up
and fought back. Do they mount our heads on their
wall?)
>Most of the villains in the bible have red hair. (Never
trust a Ginger, not even a daywalker.)
>Over a billion people have been killed by marmots.
(And 98% of you don’t even know what they look like
– one could be waiting to pounce on your head as you
read this.)
> The largest thing a blue whale can swallow is a
grapefruit (Hell, Jenna Jameson can beat that and she
swallows seeds and all. It’s rumored that Steven Tyler’s
mouth will hold a soccer ball.)
> John Wayne once won the dog
Lassie from its owner in a poker
game. (Lassie went home to Timmy
and the next morning a very hungover
Duke had only fuzzy memories of
animal passion with a hairy woman
with a big nose.)
> Pope John XII and Attila the Hun both died whilst
having sex. (You think they mean with each other? I
didn’t know Attila the Hun was an altar boy.)
> Until the late 1990s, the RAF’s nuclear bombs could
be activated by using a bicycle lock key. (10,000,000
little limey’s had the keys to destroy the world? Someone
slap that old bat of a queen. Wonder how many more
things we never want to know?)
> Prostitutes in Roman times charged the equivalent
price of 8 glasses of red wine. (Talk about price
control… That’s roughly the same price you pay at
Humphrey’s today to get the booty drunk enough to
drag back to the cave.)
> Wedding extremes - A 3ft 1in tall bride Natalie
Lucius was towered over by her 6ft 2in tall husband
Fabien Pretou at their wedding in France in 1990. (The
groom said it was hard to resist from the first time they
slow danced together. “Just talk into the microphone,
honey.”)
> Did you know that you can be addicted to always
being right? (Of course I did. Some of us just have to
suffer. If there was a cure, I’d know about it.)
> One gallon of used motor oil can ruin approximately
one million gallons of fresh water. (There they go
again, those damned environmentalists making up crap
to ruin it for the rest of us.)
> In Japan, by the time man reaches the age of 60,
he is commemorated with a special ceremony. This
ceremony features the man wearing a red kimono,
which denotes that he no longer has the responsibilities
of being a mature adult. (Damn. At 60, most Americans
are still trying to decide what they want to be when
they grow up.)
> Men of the Walibri tribe of Central Australia greet
each other by shaking each other’s penis, instead of
shaking each other’s hand. (Well, that leaves no doubt
whether they’re glad to see you or not. If they are really
good friends do they shake harder and faster? Do
Walibri Masons have a secret penis shake?)
Relit: Smokin’ Good Reads Worth a
ReKindle
by Rick Thomason
Tomato Red by: Daniel Woodrell.
check with Amazon.com revealed a surprise. Woodrell’s Country Noir
books about the down and out in the Ozarks have appreciated in value even the used paperback versions retain their new cost. New hardcovers are
out of sight @ $125 plus.
A
All of Woodrell’s books are good, populated with characters you know and love
despite, maybe because of their faults. His plotting and command of language is
fascinating. Yes, they’re all good, but Tomato Red is my undisputed favorite. Amazon
Reviews sum it up this way:
“I’m Asian with a
southern accent. To a
lot of people, that
right there is funny.”
Buy Tickets online
www.thewayinc.org
Or Call
(256) 859-5149
“The hero of Daniel Woodrell’s Tomato Red is the most endearingly out-of-control
loser you’re likely to meet. Sammy Barlach looks like a person “who should in any circumstances be considered
a suspect”; clerks follow him through the supermarket when he shops, and the police pull him over simply from
habit. But in spite of his looks, Sammy only wants to be loved, even if it’s just by “the bunch that would have me”-and in the hardscrabble world of West Table, Missouri, that’s a bunch you wouldn’t necessarily want to meet.”
The book opens when Sammy breaks into a house and finds gorgeous Tomato Red (Jamalee Meridew) and her
more gorgeous brother, Jason playing dress up in fine clothes. At first, Sammy thinks he’s busted, and then is
surprised the young couple welcomes him, gives him a tour of the place and his very own bedroom.
Sammy’s unexpected good fortune all comes crashing down when the real owners return home and the trio has to
make a break for it. Jamalee and Jason had broken in just before Sammy. As they flee Sammy laments, “That never
will be my room, will it?”
Jamalee has a plan to escape West Table and it revolves around blackmail, using Jason’s beauty to seduce rich
wives and collecting hush money to keep the husbands from finding out. Jason, however, seems to be shaping up
as what Sammy calls “country queer”--which, as Sammy observes, “ain’t the easiest walk to take amongst your
throng of fellow humankind.”
Hilarity and tragedy soon follow. Steal a copy of this book if you must, but get one. Yes, it’s that good.
6
#032411041311
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 4
THE VALLEY PLANET
FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
March 24-April 13
© Copyright 2011 Rob Brezsny
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Were you under the impression that the sky is completely mapped? It’s not. Advances
in technology are unveiling a nonstop flow of new mysteries. In a recent lecture, astronomer Joshua Bloom of the
University of California described the explosion of wonder. One particular telescope, for example, detects 1.5
million transient phenomena every night, and an average of 10 of those turn out to be previously undiscovered.
Reporting on Bloom’s work, Space.com compared astronomers’ task to “finding a few needles in a giant haystack
night after night.” I see this challenge as resembling your imminent future, Aries. Mixed in with all the chatter and
hubbub, there are some scattered gems out there -- rich revelations and zesty potentials. Will you have the patience
to pinpoint them?
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): If you’re thinking of calling on a ghost to provide you with information, make
sure you know how to banish it when you’re finished milking it. If you’re considering a trek into the past to seek
some consolation or inspiration, drop breadcrumbs as you go so you can find your way back to the present when
it’s time to return. Catch my drift, Taurus? It’s fine to draw on the old days and the old ways, but don’t get lost or
stuck there.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): From an astrological point of view, it’s a favorable time for people to give you gifts
and perks and blessings. You have my permission to convey that message to your friends and associates. Let them
know it’s in their interest to be generous toward you. The truth, as I see it, is that they will attract rewards for
themselves, some unexpected, if they help you. So what’s your role in this dynamic? Be modest. Be grateful. Be
gracious. At the same time, rake it all in with supreme confidence that you deserve such an outpouring.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Nobel Prizes are awarded to geniuses in a variety of fields for work they’ve done to
elevate science and culture. But have you heard of Ig Nobel Prizes? The Annals of Improbable Research hands
them out to eccentrics whose work it deems useless but amusing. For instance, one recipient was honored for
investigating how impotency drugs help hamsters recover quickly from jet lag. Another award went to engineers
who developed a remote-control helicopter to collect whale snot. In 2000, physicist Andre Geim won an Ig Nobel
Prize for using magnetism to levitate a frog. Unlike all of his fellow honorees, however, Geim later won a Nobel
Prize for his research on a remarkable substance called graphene (tinyurl.com/NobelGraphene). I think you’ll
soon have a resemblance to him, Cancerian. Some of your efforts will be odd and others spectacular; some will be
dismissed or derided and others will be loved and lauded.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): If you have ever fantasized about setting up a booth at the foot of an active volcano and
creating balloon animals for tourists’ kids, now is an excellent time to get started on making that happen. Same is
true if you’ve ever thought you’d like to be a rodeo clown in Brazil or a stand-up comedian at a gambling casino
or a mentor who teaches card tricks and stage magic to juvenile delinquents. The astrological omens suggest that
playfulness and risk-taking would synergize well right now. There’s even a chance that if you found a way to blend
them, it would lead to financial gain.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You’ve arrived at a phase in your cycle when you’ll have the opportunity to scope out
new competitors, inspirational rivals, and allies who challenge you to grow. Choose wisely! Keep in mind that you
will be giving them a lot of power to shape you; they will be conditioning your thoughts about yourself and about
the goals you regard as worthy of your passions. If you pick people of low character or weak values, they’ll bring
you down. If you opt for hard workers with high ideals, they’ll raise you up.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “There’s no key to the universe,” writes Swami Beyondananda. But that shouldn’t lead
us to existential despair or hopeless apathy, adds the Swami. “Fortunately, the universe has been left unlocked,”
he concludes. In other words, Libra, there’s no need for a key to the universe! I offer you this good news because
there’s a similar principle at work in your life. You’ve been banging on a certain door, imagining that you’re shut
out from what’s inside. But the fact is that the door is unlocked and nothing is stopping you from letting yourself
in.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): When you travel to Mozambique, the Ministry of Fish and Wildlife gives you a
warning about the frequency of human encounters with lions out in nature. “Wear little noisy bells so as to give
advanced warning to any lions that might be close by so you don’t take them by surprise,” reads the notice you’re
handed. I’m certain, Scorpio, that no matter where you are in the coming weeks -- whether it’s Mozambique or
elsewhere -- you won’t have to tangle with beasts as long as you observe similar precautions. So please take
measures to avoid startling goblins, rascals, and rogues. If you visit a dragon’s domain, keep your spirit light and
jingly. If you use a shortcut that requires you to pass through the wasteland, sing your favorite nonsense songs as
you hippety-hop along.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Few things make me more excited than being able to predict good tidings
headed your way. That’s why, as I meditated on your upcoming astrological aspects, I found myself teetering on
the edge of ecstasy. Here’s what I foresee: a renaissance of pleasure . . . an outbreak of feeling really fine, both
physically and emotionally . . . and an awakening of your deeper capacity to experience joy. Here’s your mantra,
generated by my friend Rana Satori Stewart: yum yum yum yum yum / yum yum yum yum yummy yum / yum
yum yum yum yummy yummy yum yum.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): CNN reported on two neo-Nazi skinheads from Poland, a married couple, who
discovered they were actually Jews. It turned out that during World War II, the truth about their origins had
been hidden by their parents for fear of persecution. Years later, when the Jewish Historical Institute in Warsaw
informed them that they were members of the group they had hated for so long, they were shocked. Since then,
they have become observant Jews who worship at an orthodox synagogue. The new perspective you’ll be getting
about your own roots may not be as dramatic as theirs, Capricorn. But I bet it will lead to a shift in your self-image.
Are you ready to revise your history? (More info: tinyurl.com/Ex-skinheads.)
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): My astrological colleague Antero Alli says that a lot of good ideas occur to him
while he’s taking a shower. He also finds frequent inspiration while riding his bike. Why, then, does he not enjoy
biking in the rain? He doesn’t know. I bring this up, Aquarius, because you’re entering a phase of your cycle when
flashes of insight and intuition are likely to erupt at a higher rate than usual. I suggest you aggressively put yourself
in every kind of situation that tends to provoke such eruptions -- including ones, like maybe riding your bike in the
rain, that you haven’t tried before.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): A Canadian man named William Treble once found over a thousand four-leaf clovers
in a single day. Niamh Bond, a British baby, was born on the tenth day of the tenth month of 2010 -- at exactly
10:10 a.m. and 10 seconds. My friend Allan told me he was driving in suburbia the other day when two white cats
bolted across the road right in front of him. And yet as lucky as all that might sound, it pales in comparison to the
good fortune that’s headed your way, Pisces. Unlike their luck, which was flashy but ultimately meaningless, yours
will be down-to-earth and have practical value.
Homework: What is the first thing you want? What’s the last thing? Are they related in any way? Testify at
[email protected].
GIFT & NOVELTY STORE
UNBEATABLE PRICE UNBEATABLE SERVICE
1GM—$8
3GM—$22
PRICES INCLUDE TAX
ALL PIPES AND ACCESSORIES ARE FOR TOBACCO
USE ONLY
ONE LUV FLORENCE
120 WEST MOBILE ST.
FLORENCE , AL 35630
(NEXT TO LARRYS PAWN)
STORE HOURS
MON—SAT 10 AM—7PM
STORE TEL: 256 712 5117
THE VALLEY PLANET
#032411041311
ALL HERBAL INCENSES ARE NOT FOR HUMAN
CONSUMPTION
ONE LUV HUNTSVILLE
4320 UNIVERSITY DRIVE SUITE C
HUNTSVILLE, AL 35816
ONE LUV DECATUR
805 6TH. AVE. SUITE 3
DECATUR, AL 35601
(NEXT TO MCBRIDE FLORIST)
STORE HOURS
SUN 12 NOON—6 PM
STORE HOURS
STORE TEL: 256 715 1474
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 4
STORE TEL: 256 686 2364
7
The Single Guy: Alabama Special Interests
Communi-Date Versus You
by Aaron Hurd
“The Third Date Curse”
by Thomas V. Ress
I
f you’re concerned about the environment you should care about what’s happening in Montgomery with the
state’s Forever Wild program. Forever Wild, which purchases and preserves unique Alabama lands while
providing outdoor recreation opportunities, is a popular program that was overwhelmingly approved by 83
percent of Alabama voters in 1992.
don’t know about you, but I think we all have
moments in dating that seem to be the point where
it is do or die. For me, it seems to come on the
third date. Looking back on my dating history, the third
date is when all hell breaks loose and something bad
happens. Here is just a few of my, sad to admit, TRUE
third date confessions.
Curse #1: “Thumb Ker plump”
I had a great date with a wonderful girl back in the day
where all was going well. That is until the end of the
night. It was one of those all laughs, not wanting the
night to end moments when we arrive at her house. And
being the perfect gentleman, I got out of the car, ran
around to get the door for her and… smack!! Slammed
the door on my thumb! It hurt, bad!!! Oh it gets better!
She did not notice, so I was still in! I figured I would
play it cool and she will never know. It was throbbing,
I was laughing it off, walking to the door and next thing
I know I wake up on her couch with a wash cloth on my
face and the biggest black and blue thumb I have ever
seen. Yup, I passed out - apparently I forgot to breathe
with all the pain. I made it to the door and BAM and
crumbled at her feet, literally!
Curse #2: “What big Lips you have”
This one actually happened here in Huntsvegas, yup,
it follows me folks! We went to have a few drinks for
that famous night cap and we were feeling pretty good.
A few drinks later she goes to the bathroom, no big
deal, but she comes back with her mouth covered and
says, “We need to go NOW!” I ask what’s up and she
reveals the biggest lips I have ever seen! Apparently,
something was in the martini she was drinking because
her lips swelled up to the biggest fish lips EVER, which
to me, was not a bad thing at all, ya know what I mean?
Haha. Well, being the jokester I am, I made the jokes,
she started crying, and the night ended with a waste of
two big lips! Needless to say, I never heard from her
again. Though, I must confess every time a girl orders
an Appletini- I do get a little excited thinking maybe
this time she’ll stick around with those big lips! That
could be a blessing (for me), just saying!
I
The beauty of the program is that it is all gain and no pain for Alabamians--no tax money is used for the purchases.
Forever Wild is funded by 10 percent of the interest earned from royalties on natural gas wells in state waters, up
to a total of $15 million per year. Since its inception this money has purchased 209,000 acres--land that is available
to the public for hiking, biking, hunting, fishing, horseback riding and bird watching. So by using money earned
from a public resource, the public is getting access to lands that belong to everybody in the state.
Wow, a state program that actually works—who could be against that?
Well, the Alabama Farmers Federation, that’s who. With a reauthorization deadline approaching in 2012, the
Alabama Farmers Federation wants to redirect funding from Alabama’s Forever Wild program into private hands.
The Farmers Federation says that Forever Wild “has served its mission.” Never mind that Alabama lags behind
all of its Southeastern neighbors in amount of land preserved for public use, is in the bottom third nationally, and
that if Forever Wild acquires land for public use over the next 20 years at the same rate as during its first 20 years,
Alabama would still rank last of all southeastern states in public access land.
So what’s the Farmers Federation’s answer? They want to use Forever Wild money to pay farmers not to develop
their property. The federation wants to use the program to buy “development rights” from farmers, essentially
paying farmers who promise not to develop their land.
Imagine that. Instead of buying land and making it publicly accessible in perpetuity, they want us to pay farmers
to not farm their own land—private property that we can’t step foot on. The money would not go to a direct
public benefit such as adding recreational areas within Blakeley State Park, the Mobile-Tensaw Delta, Weeks
Bay, Baldwin County’s Splinter Hill pitcher plant bogs and Grand Bay Savanna—all acreage that was bought
with Forever Wild funds. Instead it would be used to give cash rewards to private landowners for land that cannot
legally be used by the public. I guess we can stand outside the fences and gaze wistfully at land that we’re not
allowed to walk across.
Does that sound like a good deal for Alabamians? It sounds like the ultimate special interest money grab to me. I
understand the Farmers Federation is a lobbying group paid to represent the special interests of farmers but this is a
blatant and transparent attempt to subvert one of the state’s most successful public interest programs into a private
welfare program for farmers and we should not allow it to happen.
Forever Wild expires in 2012 and the legislature is right now considering reauthorization. A broad array of groups
including hunters, environmentalists, hikers, birders and the state’s largest electric utility supports extending
Forever Wild. Meanwhile, the Farmers Federation is diligently working behind the scenes in Montgomery to
modify the program. If you like the outdoors and having wild places to escape to—or if you are just enraged by the
Farmers Federation money grab--contact your legislators and urge them to reauthorize the Forever Wild program
in its current form.
Curse #3: “Oh, there will be a bun in my oven”
Now this third date was a shocker! It almost sounds
made up, and if it was…Ladies-it works! Try it, and let
me know your results!
I took a sweet girl to Atlanta for a Brave’s game and
concert. We had great seats, we were feeling the
American sport, getting ready for the seventh inning
stretch and I’m making small talk! She tells me she is
going out of town for the weekend, fantastic! I like to
travel, so I ask the questions: for fun? For work? Visiting
friends, family?? She does not want to answer….you
know I like a challenge, so I pry. I’m thinking, “She
got a man there? Going to court? Warrants out for her
arrest?” What could it be that she is acting so shady!
Well, she looks at me and says, “I am going to be a
surrogate mother for a couple over there.” My mouth
dropped, excuse me? “Yes, I am going to be pregnant
for 9 months, the money is GREAT!” Here we are
in the sixth inning, in Atlanta, and I got three more
innings and a concert to sit through and we’re drinking
beer (Yes, I had a few more after that). Needless to say,
when we got home and said our goodbyes, I thought,
“talk to ya in about 9 months!” If her goal was to get
rid of me it worked! She is a genius!
Don’t get me wrong-I think it is great, but seriously,
why date? I could just imagine hanging with her telling
people “Oh yeah, it is not mine or hers!” Imagine the
looks for that one! haha
And…that is just three stories; I have a long history of
third date curses. You understand how nervous I am
before the third date? That does not even include the
“dating text book” third date rules….and you ladies
wonder why us guys put walls up and act strange. Yes,
it is that defense mechanism, but in my case it involves
my life and safety! It’s not easy out there. But if I
make it to a fourth date with a girl, she is certainly
“special” in more ways than one!
Bourbon & Shamrocks
What number date do you get nervous?
Or
start to put up the walls? And Why? Email me:
[email protected]. Thanks for reading!
8
#032411041311
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 4
THE VALLEY PLANET
Health and Happiness
J
ust before we bid farewell to January, my friend
Shannon married Patrick in a beautiful ceremony
full of love and tears. The glorious Saturday was
a treasure to all. At the reception, the groomsmen gave
tributes to the new couple. Taking center stage was the
groom’s father. He captivated the crowd with laughter
and joy. His pride beamed throughout the Roundhouse
Depot.
A month later, I found myself lying on the cold, black
floor at the gym, staring at the silver fan circulating.
I counted out my crunches, images of the bride and
groom danced through my mind. The groom’s father
passed away unexpectedly the day before. While I was
shocked, I couldn’t imagine how the newly married
couple was dealing with their loss. He was so full of
life and love on their wedding day, just weeks ago.
Less than 10 days later, I became a regular visitor to
the second floor at Huntsville Hospital. I mastered the
parking deck, could navigate the maze, and figured
out who was who. My 86-year-old Nanny was laid up
with a nasty combination of bronchitis and an upper
respiratory infection, topped off with her COPD. We’d
spent the previous weekend at the lake, her health not
holding her off her treasured appletinis. Health can
turn on a dime. Now, more than ever I see how crucial
it is to live fully and love unabashedly.
34th Annual
St. Patrick’s Day
Parade !
I have always worked out, but was always heavy.
More than a year ago, my younger brother popped the
question to his girlfriend. With their wedding quickly
approaching in April, I vowed to get in shape. For
this wedding I wouldn’t be the fat, single sister posing
alone for pictures. In early December, I took my plan
seriously, signing up for a FitCamp class. Getting out
of bed every morning well before 4:30 a.m. proved
rough. But four months into it, I am in better shape
physically and mentally. As the pounds drop, I am
becoming a lighter person, in many ways.
When my loved ones’ health takes a turn for the worse
or they mourn the loss of a family member, I pause,
reflecting on my life. Only death (or walking with it)
can make me appreciate life. As I’ve seen way too
often in this New Year, it can all be taken away too
quickly. But I’ve been here before. Here being that
point where you promise to make changes, to be better,
to forgive quicker. Will it last this time? Will this be
THE time when everything clicks? My track record
is far from perfect. It’s so easy to stay the same. It’s
comfortable here, where I am, who I’ve trained myself
to become.
However, if I can make the promise to get to the gym
before the sun rises, what can’t I change? Yes, it’s
hard; incredibly hard. But it’s worth it. When my coworkers repeatedly comment on my disappearing waist,
it makes those early mornings easier. When my tough
running partner is impressed with my hill-mastering
ability, I see there is nothing I can’t do. Yes, those were
hard. If you had asked me in November where I’d be
mentally and physically, here is no where I thought I’d
be. But by God, I love here.
I’m living well, loving freely, and enjoying the gifts
of every day. No longer do I whine about being tired
or worry what I am missing. Today is the gift. The
experiences it brings are honored. If this is my last day,
I will hate it, but I will have lived a full life. This is my
wish for you: treasure your health, love your family.
Never forget how quickly both can be gone.
Mountain Stories
The Companion to Appalachian Witches
by Christine Burke Ashwell
P
laces and things have memories. They have witnessed history and become a part of us. Possibly, that’s why
we treasure a certain object of family sentiment, maintain a particular collection of objects, or visit a place
for the first time and feel at home at once. Like it or not, we are often connected to the places we have been
and the things we have touched.
Fiction or fact, stories are made fuller by the details of place, time and objects. Stories are our histories. And the
stories connected to the people and places of the Appalachian mountain region of the eastern US form the basis
for Mountain Stories, the companion piece to Appalachian Witches. The same three women of one family’s blood
line return for more stories of family, healing, superstitions and faith, love and loss, and thriving in the face of
adversity.
One can easily see Mountain Stories without having ever seen the production of Appalachian Witches. And those
who have seen Appalachian Witches will enjoy further stories of family, ghosts, healing and love. But there is a
strong connection between the two plays. The production includes music, humor and heartfelt moments combined
with the voice of the mountains for an enjoyable production for the family. The production features the return of
the actors from the first production continuing their portrayal of the characters. Kate, portrayed by Karen Lynn is
the most modern of the three women. Her grandmother Beulah, is played by the playwright Criss Ashwell. Tanja
Miller returns as Ma Mary, the Native American matriarch of the family line, an enigma wrapped in legend.
Mountain Stories, the companion piece to Appalachian Witches, will be presented at Renaissance Theatre
Downstairs on the Alpha Stage (no stairs!). Performances are April 8, 9, 15 and 16 at 8 p.m. with Sunday matinees
April 10 and 17 at 2:30 p.m. Tickets at Renaissance Theatre 256-536-3117 or renaissancetheatre.net.
THE VALLEY PLANET
#032411041311
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 4
9
The 70’s – Ultimate Hits by: Various Artists
U
ltimate collections” of genre’s or periods of music are invariably flawed and sources of disagreement
among listeners. Almost everyone can and will take some exception over what was included and what was
omitted. “How in the world did they not include this or that? The collectors must be stupid or not know
music very well.”
In some cases, I’m sure all of the above is true. More than likely there were plenty of songs the collectors would
liked to have included but could not because they couldn’t procure rights to add them to the CDs. If you’ll notice,
The Beatles and Led Zeppelin are screamingly absent from any of these things.
Why? Because, until recently the groups would not allow their work to be cherry picked, you bought the CD or
did without. That changed recently in a big way when the Beatles catalogue was made available for song-by-song
download on iTunes. I’m not sure whether the fact that Michael Jackson owned the publishing rights to the Beatles
catalogue had anything to do with this or not. For sure, plenty of vultures are circling to pick Jackson’s corpse and
every dime in the pockets of his burial suit.
For casual collectors, this “70s Ultimate Hits” collection is a very good representation of the best of what was
available. There are few duds in the deal. Could they have done better? Sure, but not without violating many
copyrights.
70’s Ultimate Hits
1. More Than A Feeling – Boston
2. Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is? – Chicago
3. Joy To The World – Three Dog Night
4. Listen To The Music – The Doobie Brothers
5. Stuck In The Middle With You – Stealers Wheel
6. Maggie May – Rod Stewart
7. Rocket Man – Elton John
8. Rock On – David Essex
9. All Right Now – Free
10. The Boys Are Back In Town – Thin Lizzy
11. Smokin’ In The Boys’ Room – Brownsville Station
12. Fooled Around And Fell In Love – Elvin Bishop
13. My Best Friend’s Girl – The Cars
14. My Sharona – The Knack
15. Heart Of Glass – Blondie
16. Blinded By The Light – Manfred Mann’s Earth Band
17. Hello It’s Me – Todd Rundgren
18. I’m Not In Love – 10cc
19. Crazy Love – Poco
20. Peace Train – Cat Stevens
Disc: 2
1. September – Earth, Wind & Fire
2. I’ll Be Around – The Spinners
3. Will It Go Round In Circles – Billy Preston
4. Brick House – Commodores
5. Strawberry Letter 23 – The Brothers Johnson
6. What’s Goin’ On – Marvin Gaye
7. Wake Up Everybody – Harold Melvin & The Blue Notes
8. She’s Gone – Hall & Oates
9. Love Will Find A Way – Pablo Cruise
10. So Into You – Atlanta Rhythm Section
11. Jackie Blue – The Ozark Mountain Daredevils
12. Free Bird – Lynyrd Skynyrd
13. Drift Away – Dobie Gray
14. Lean On Me – Bill Withers
15. I Can See Clearly Now – Johnny Nash
16. You Are So Beautiful – Joe Cocker
17. I Just Wanna Stop Gino Vanelli
18. I Feel Love – Donna Summer
19. Y.M.C.A. – Village People
20. I Will Survive – Gloria Gaynor
10
#032411041311
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 4
THE VALLEY PLANET
the valley’s most complete
MUSIC CALENDAR
Thursday, March 24
AMENDMENT XXI, Tennessee Valley Jazz Society
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Dave Anderson
BENCHWARMER, Karaoke
BLACK WATER HATTIE’S, Jonathon Carter Acoustic
CARSON’S, Karaoke w/ Doc Rock
DAILY BREW (DECATUR), Open Mic Night
FINNEGAN’S PUB, Slip Jig
FLYING MONKEY ARTS CENTER, The Ragbirds and
The Bear
HALF TIME BAR & GRILL, Sideshow
HIGHWAY HAVEN, Karaoke
HOG WILD SALOON, Karaoke w/ David
HOPPER’S, DJ Lil’ Ed
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, The Smallwood Duo
KNIGHT MOVES, Karaoke
KNUCKLEHEADS, Jason Albert Band
LEE ANN’S, Love Child
MAC’S SPORTSBAR AND STEAKHOUSE (ATHENS),
Open Mic Night
MASON’S, Lacey Atchison
PARTNER’S BAR & GRILL, Karaoke w/Sweet T
ROUNDERS ON THE LAKE (GUNTERSVILLE),
Karaoke
SAMMY T’S MUSIC HALL, DJ Keibot
SANDY’S ROADHOUSE (GUNTERSVILLE), Karaoke
SPORTS PAGE, 5ive O Clock Charlie
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Pat and the Peeps
THE DOCKS (SCOTTSBORO), Trey Browder
THE STATION, Live Music/ Karaoke
VIEUX CARRE, The Vieux Carre Playmates
VILLAGE PIZZA (DOWNTOWN ATHENS), Barry Kay
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, Open Mic Night
Friday, March 25
11TH FRAME BAR, Karaoke
801 FRANKLIN (See ad pg.22), Shane Wilson
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Bourbon and Shamrock
BENCHWARMER, An Abstract Theory
BLACK WATER HATTIE’S, Smokin’ Guns
CARSON’S, Dave Anderson
CASA MONTEGO, Reggae & More with DJ Roger
CLUB RUSH, DJs Don-E and Danny C/ Karaoke
COFFEETREE BOOKS & BREW (See ad pg.11),
Guilded Cage
COPPERTOP (See ad pg.13), Redd Letters
DIAMONDS, Toy Shop
EL HERRADURA, Edgar
ELK’S LODGE, Karaoke
FINNEGAN’S PUB, Sing Along with Nancy
FRATERNAL ORDER OF EAGLES (DECATUR),
Karaoke w/ Howie
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Playback
HIGHWAY HAVEN, Shameless
HOG WILD SALOON, Open Rock
HOPPER’S, Pla’station
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, The Compromise
LEE ANN’S, Playback
LISA’S LOUNGE, Karaoke w/ Mike
MOODY MONDAYS, Karaoke
MOORESVILLE BAR & GRILL, Jason Albert Band
OLIVIA’S BAR AND GRILL, Karaoke
PARTNER’S BAR & GRILL, Partner’s Cabaret Show
SAM & GREG’S, Chip Golbro and Friends
SPORTS PAGE, Lower Deep
THE BRICK (DECATUR), The Strangers
THE DOCKS (SCOTTSBORO), Scott Morgan
THE STATION, Crush
THE STEM & STEIN, Seducing Alice
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, Kill the City
(Nashville)
Saturday, March 26
BENCHWARMER, Skeptic, Korova (OFG! Misceants)
BLACK WATER HATTIE’S, Tyler Carter Duo
BRIDGESTREET TOWN CENTER, Ezell
CAZEDORES, Live Music w/ Robert
COFFEETREE BOOKS & BREW (See ad pg.11), Open
Mic Night
COPPERTOP (See ad pg.13), Krantz
COUNTRY HEARTH (MADISON), Brother Rick
DIAMONDS, Sad Thad and Company
FINNEGAN’S PUB, Acoustics with Dave Merriman
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Bar Flies
HOG WILD SALOON, Robby Jordan Band
THE VALLEY PLANET
HOPPER’S, Pla Station
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, Deep Fried 5
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LEE ANN’S, Kozmic Mama
DJ Brandon/ Karaoke
ROUNDERS ON THE LAKE (GUNTERSVILLE), Wayne
Mills Band
SPORTS PAGE, the Uglistick
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Black Label
THE DOCKS (SCOTTSBORO), Tony Brooks
THE STATION, Jason Albert Band
THE STEM & STEIN, Robert Lee
VIEUX CARRE, The Vieux Carre Playmates w/ DJ
Derrek
Sunday, March 27
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Red Headed Step Child
BENCHWARMER, Andy & Clay
CASA MONTEGO, Devere Pride
HOPPER’S, Karaoke w/ Tara Kearns
KAFFEEKLATSCH @ NIGHT, Sunday Blues Jam
hosted by Freddy Earl and the Blues Mercenaries
PARTNER’S BAR & GRILL, Karaoke w/ Michael
SPORTS PAGE, Noel Webster
VIEUX CARRE, Jr Playmates
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, Karaoke w/ DJ
Brandon Mac
Monday, March 28
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Tuesday’s Hangover
BLACK WATER HATTIE’S, Karaoke w/ Howie
COUNTRY HEARTH (MADISON), DJ
GLASS’S COCKTAILS & GRILL (DECATUR), Karaoke
w/DW
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, Open Mic - Marge
Loveday
KAFFEEKLATSCH @ NIGHT, Acoustic Open Mic
hosted by Greg Rowell
MAMA ANNIES, Microwave Dave (5-7pm)
SPORTS PAGE, Dave Anderson
VIEUX CARRE, Karaoke
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, Cobbli Wobbli
Tuesday, March 29
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Jazz Jam /Open Mic w/
Marge Loveday
COPPERTOP (See ad pg.13), HDK Karaoke with
Howie
COUNTRY HEARTH (MADISON), Blues Night
w/DW
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), MP4
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, Dawn Osborn Band
KAFFEEKLATSCH @ NIGHT, Charlie Howell
LEE ANN’S, Rudy Mockabee
Karaoke w/ Doc Roc
MOORESVILLE BAR & GRILL, DJ Jeff Karaoke
PARTNER’S BAR & GRILL, Karaoke w/ Sweet T
SPORTS PAGE, Chelvis and the Bean
THE STATION, Karaoke
VIEUX CARRE, James Irvin/ DJ
VILLAGE PIZZA (DOWNTOWN ATHENS), Matt
Prater
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, Dave Anderson
Wednesday, March 30
3RD BASE GRILL (SOUTH PARKWAY), Marge
Loveday (8pm)
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Microwave Dave
BENCHWARMER, Texaco Country Showdown
Kickoff!
BLACK WATER HATTIE’S, Open Mic Night w/ Opie
CARSON’S, Open Mic w/ Tyler and Eric Steinfath
CAZEDORES, Karaoke Night
CLUB RUSH, Karaoke
Songwriter’s Jam
COPPERTOP (See ad pg.13), The Crawlers 6:30 Bike
Night
FINNEGAN’S PUB, Bourbon and Shamrock
#032411041311
w/DW
HOPPER’S, Brent Morgan Duo
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, Stoned Soul Revival
KNIGHT MOVES, Open Mic Night
KNUCKLEHEADS, Karaoke
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LEE ANN’S, LaRose
LISA’S LOUNGE, Karaoke
MELLOW MUSHROOM (See ad pg.13), Live Music
OUR PLACE (DECATUR), Bike Night/Karaoke
PARTNER’S BAR & GRILL, DJ Sweet T and DJ G
SPORTS PAGE, Chris Cook
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Tim Tucker
VIEUX CARRE, Pla’Station
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, Really Loud
Hamburgers, Partial People, & Cop City Chill Pillars
Thursday, March 31
BENCHWARMER TOO, 103.5 DJ
BLACK WATER HATTIE’S, Jonathon Carter Acoustic
CLUB RUSH, Karaoke
DIAMONDS, The Crawlers
HOPPER’S, Lil’ Ed
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, Liquid Caravan
KAFFEEKLATSCH @ NIGHT, Dave Anderson
LEE ANN’S, LaRose
Open Mic Night
Karaoke
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 4
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Andy Hall
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, Open Mic Night
Friday, April 1
801 FRANKLIN (See ad pg.22), Shametown
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, 5ive O’Clock Charlie
BLACK WATER HATTIE’S, The Sideshow
CARSON’S, Austin Jennings
COFFEETREE BOOKS & BREW (See ad pg.11), Fred
Roberts
COPPERTOP (See ad pg.13), The Crawlers
DIAMONDS, Two Days Gone
EL HERRADURA, Edgar
Karaoke w/ Howie
HALF TIME BAR & GRILL, Ghost Train
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Kozmic Mama
HOG WILD SALOON, Bonafide
HOPPER’S, Peter and the Wolfe
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, Toy Shop
LEE ANN’S, Pla’station
LOWE MILL, Kush
MOORESVILLE BAR & GRILL, Crush
SPORTS PAGE, Metallica (Josh Hill)
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Sunday Best
THE STEM & STEIN, Jonathon Laird
Saturday, April 2
53 SPORTS BAR & GRILL (HUNTSVILLE), Jason
Albert Band
music cont. on pg.12
11
DJ Brandon/ Karaoke
SPORTS PAGE, Late Blumers
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Tuco’s Pistol
THE DOCKS (SCOTTSBORO), Chad and Scott
THE STEM & STEIN, Jim Cavendar
Derrek
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, Seducing Alice
Sunday, April 3
Brandon Mac
Monday, April 4
w/DW
HALF TIME BAR & GRILL, Brent Morgan
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, Open Mic - Ant and
Andrew
SPORTS PAGE, Dave Anderson
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, Tim Tucker
music cont. from pg.11
801 FRANKLIN (See ad pg.22), Matt Carol
BLACK WATER HATTIE’S, Lacey Atchison
CARSON’S, O’Dell Johnson Duo
CAZEDORES, Live Music w/ Jonathon
Mic Night
COPPERTOP (See ad pg.13), Donnie Cox
CROSSROADS, Keller Williams
DIAMONDS, Psycho Hillbillies
FLYING MONKEY ARTS CENTER, Blu Lite Band
HALF TIME BAR & GRILL, Ghost Train
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Playback
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, Chris Cavanaugh
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LEE ANN’S, Second Hand Lincoln
12
Tuesday, April 5
Marge Loveday
Howie
w/DW
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, Lacey Atchison
LEE ANN’S, Shawna P. and Adam Tyler Brown
Karaoke w/ Doc Roc
Prater
Wednesday, April 6
Loveday (8pm)
CARSON’S, Open Mic Night w/ Tyler & Eric Steinfath
CLUB RUSH, Karaoke
Songwriter’s Jam
COPPERTOP (See ad pg.13), Sad Thad and
Company
w/DW
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, Love Child
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LEE ANN’S, Sargent Peppers
SPORTS PAGE, Live Music
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Pat and the Peeps
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, James Irvin
Thursday, April 7
BLACK WATER HATTIE’S, Bike Night with Psycho
Hillbillies
DIAMONDS, The Breakers
FLYING MONKEY ARTS CENTER, Ricky Thomason
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, Yo Mama and The Big
Fat Booty Band
LEE ANN’S, Crush II
Open Mic
Karaoke
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Roosevelt Franklin Duo
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, Open Mic
Friday, April 8
801 FRANKLIN (See ad pg.22), Rhyme Jazz
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Silverstreak
CARSON’S, Live Music
#032411041311
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 4
COFFEETREE BOOKS & BREW (See ad pg.11), Larry,
Peggy, and Jerry
COPPERTOP (See ad pg.13), Pac Sand
CROSSROADS, Lyrics Born w/ Special Guests Skins
and Needles
DIAMONDS, Tongue and Groove
EL HERRADURA, Edgar
FLYING MONKEY ARTS CENTER, Pall Alan, Beyond
Atomic, Andy Asteroids
Karaoke w/ Howie
HALF TIME BAR & GRILL, The Crawlers
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), 5ive O’Clock Charlie
HOG WILD SALOON, Sandy Lane
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, Jonathan Sexton and
The Big Chair Love Choir
LEE ANN’S, Full Circle
LOWE MILL, Ian Thomas
RUGBY’S, Jason Albert Band
SPORTS PAGE, Blood River
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Shawna P.
THE DOCKS (SCOTTSBORO), Austin Jennings
THE STATION, Black Eyed Susan
THE STEM & STEIN, Robert Lee
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, Voodoo Lounge’s
4th Anniversary w/ Microwave Dave and The Nukes
Saturday, April 9
53 SPORTS BAR & GRILL (HUNTSVILLE), Blackbird
801 FRANKLIN (See ad pg.22), Jim Cavendar
CARSON’S, 5ive O’Clock Charlie
CAZEDORES, Live Music w/Danny
Mic Night
COPPERTOP (See ad pg.13), James Johnson
CROSSROADS, Perpetual Groove
DIAMONDS, Driven Under
FLYING MONKEY ARTS CENTER, Blair Crimmins and
the Hookers
HALF TIME BAR & GRILL, The Crawlers
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Proton Joe
HOG WILD SALOON, 12 Mile North
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, Pla’ Station
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LEE ANN’S, Gryphon Rocks
DJ Brandon/ Karaoke
ROUNDERS ON THE LAKE (GUNTERSVILLE), Jason
Albert Band
SPORTS PAGE, Unleashed
music cont. on pg.13
THE VALLEY PLANET
music cont. from pg.12
THE BRICK (DECATUR), The Gnomes
THE DOCKS (SCOTTSBORO), Cheezee
THE STEM & STEIN, Acoustic Juice
Derrek
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, Voodoo Lounge’s
4th Anniversary w/ Lance Almon Smith Band
Sunday, April 10
Brandon Mac
Monday, April 11
w/DW
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, Open Mic - Marge
Loveday
SPORTS PAGE, David Anderson
Tuesday, April 12
Marge Loveday
Howie
w/DW
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, Bourbon and Shamrock
LEE ANN’S, Rudy Mockabee
Karaoke w/ Doc Roc
Prater
Wednesday, April 13
Loveday (8pm)
CARSON’S, Open Mic Night w/ Tyler & Eric Steinfath
CLUB RUSH, Karaoke
Songwriter’s Jam
COPPERTOP (See ad pg.13), Chaos
w/DW
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, Rick Carter and Johnny
Fontaine of Rolling N the Hay
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LEE ANN’S, Big 40
SPORTS PAGE, Live Music
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Travis and Carlo
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, James Irvin
Thursday, April 14
BLACK WATER HATTIE’S, Bike Night with Psycho
Hillbillies
CARSON’S, Karaoke w/ Doc Roc
CLUB RUSH, Karaoke
DIAMONDS, Sad Thad and Company
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, The Dawn Osborn Band
LEE ANN’S, LaRose
Open Mic
PARTNER’S BAR & GRILL, Karaoke w/ Sweet T
Karaoke
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Lacey Atchison
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, Open Mic
Friday, April 15
801 FRANKLIN (See ad pg.22), Kim and Lisa
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Trio El Camino
BLACK WATER HATTIE’S, Munkey’s Unkel
CARSON’S, Shane Wilson
David Krantz
COPPERTOP (See ad pg.13), Psycho Hillbillies
DIAMONDS, Relayer
EL HERRADURA, Edgar
Karaoke w/ Howie
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Blake Scott Band
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, The Reflectacles and
Lukas Nelson
LEE ANN’S, Pla’station
LOWE MILL, Mandolin Orange
MOORESVILLE BAR & GRILL, Jason Albert Band
PARTNER’S BAR & GRILL, Partners Cabaret
SPORTS PAGE, Matt Carroll and the Brown Coats
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Bar Flies
THE STATION, Crush
THE STEM & STEIN, Seducing Alice
Saturday, April 16
BLACK WATER HATTIE’S, Max Russell
CARSON’S, Playback
CAZEDORES, Live Music w/ David
Mic Night
COPPERTOP (See ad pg.13), Tim Risbon
CROSSROADS, Todd Snider The Storyteller
DIAMONDS, The Crawlers
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Night Train
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LEE ANN’S, Crush
DJ Brandon/ Karaoke
music cont. on pg 14
THE VALLEY PLANET
#032411041311
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 4
13
CALENDAR OF EVENTS Top Flight Comedian Henry
Thursday, March 24
The Greater Huntsville Chapter of the American Guild
of Organists will present a Noon Time Concert Series
featuring works transcribed and arranged for organ. It
will begin at 12:10pm and end at 12:50pm. It will be at
Holy Spirit Catholic Church. cheryl_john@bellsouth.
net.
The Huntsville Museum of Art will have the exhibit,
Youth Art Month. The exhibit will be on display
through April. 256-535-4350 or
www.hsvmuseum.org.
Mississippi celebrates southern culture this
March. From local artisans and craftsmen to awardwinning authors and performers, Mississippi’s creative
spirit celebrates the state’s diverse culture and
captures the authentic Southern experience. www.
VisitMississippi.org.
Alabama A&M University’s 11th Annual Black Tie Gala
will be at the Davidson Space Exploration Center. It
will be at 6pm. Tickets are $65. 256-372-8344 or email
[email protected], or go to www.aamu.edu.
The Brass Band of Huntsville will have a concert,“Brass
in Space.” It will be at Columbia High School at
7:30pm. Admission is free. 256-539-5906.
The Greater Huntsville Humane Society will have a
Black Cat Adoption Campaign at Grissom High
School. It will be through the month of March.
Helen M Turner, A Women’s Point of View. It will
be on exhibit until May 8th. 256-535-4350 or www.
hsvmuseum.org.
The exhibit, Landscapes of the Mind and Spirit, by
artist Grace H. Wever, Ph.D will be at Artistic Images
Gallery now through April 30th. A portion of the sales
proceeds of the exhibit will benefit the Children’s
Advocacy Center. www.weverart.net.
The 80th Anniversary of the Scottsboro Boys Trial
will through March 25th. It will be at the Scottsboro
Boys Museum & Cultural Center on West Willow
Street. 256-609-4202
Align and Wine will be every Thursday at 6pm at the
Huntsville Museum of Art. It is Yoga Class followed by
wine and hors d’oeuvres. The class is $15 and if staying
for wine and hors d’oeuvres please donate at least $2.
http://mitziconnell.com/align-and-wine.
American Studio Glass and Buccellati Silver
Animals. The collections will be on continuous,
rotating view in the Museum of Art’s new wing. 256535-4350 or www.hsvmuseum.org.
music cont. from pg 13
SPORTS PAGE, Black Label
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Toy Shop
THE DOCKS (SCOTTSBORO), Tony Brooks
THE STEM & STEIN, Josh Allison
Derrek
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, Matt Caroll and
the Browncoats (Birmingham)
Sunday, April 17
BLACK WATER HATTIE’S, The Crawlers
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL,
Karaoke w/ DJ Brandon Mac
The End!
14
CSI: The Experience will be at the U.S. Space &
Rocket Center through May 1, 2011. The forensic
science exhibit created in collaboration with the TV
show. www.spacecamp.com/museum.
The Works of Maria Howard Weeden will be on
display at the Burritt Mansion from now until April 10,
2011. 256- 536-2882 or www.burrittonthemountain.
com.
will begin at 12:10pm and end at 12:50pm. It will be
at Holy Spirit Church in Huntsville. cheryl_john@
bellsouth.net.
Cho Comes to Huntsville
enry Cho’s story is the stuff that dreams are made of. While in school at the University of Tennessee and at
the urging of his buddies, Henry decided to take a shot at a local comedy club’s “open mic night.” It was his
first time on stage. He received a standing ovation…and a job offer. That was a Monday night. He started
working on Wednesday, dropped out of college on Friday, and never looked back.
H
Now, Henry Cho is one of the biggest names in comedy. He’s worked and toured with the likes of Bob Hope and
Jerry Seinfeld. He’s appeared in several TV sit-coms and movies, had his own special on Comedy Central, and is a
frequent guest on the network late night talk show circuit. Selling out shows all over the county, Henry Cho is one
of the hottest stand-up comedians working today. His unique perspective as a full-blooded Korean growing up and
now raising his own family in the deep south keeps audiences of all ages rolling in the
aisles. Or - as he describes it, “I’m Korean born and raised in Knoxville….so, I guess
that makes me South Korean.”
The Coffee Tree Books and Brew will have Fiction
Writer’s Group Meeting at 7pm. www.coffeetreebnb.
com. (See ad pg.11)
Henry is truly one of those rare comics that can produce a show full of non-stop
laughter while always being appropriate for the entire family. In fact, he takes pride in
the fact that’s he’s never used inappropriate language on stage. Cho will tell you, “It’s
80% harder to develop a clean show. Any comic will tell you that.” Henry believes the
secret to appealing to a broad audience is simple…be clean and funny.
March 24-26
Theatre Huntsville presents, the musical, Little
Women. It will be at the VBC Playhouse at 7:30pm.
www.yourseatiswaiting.com.
Henry is appearing at The Grissom High School Auditorium for one show only on
April 16th for a fundraiser for The Way recovery center (www.thewayinc.org). This
is an excellent opportunity for the entire family to see a big-time performer at a
reasonable price in your own backyard.
March 24-27
Grissom High School’s Fine Arts Department
presents Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. It will be at
7:30pm. Adults are $15 and students are $10. www.
grissomtheatre.org.
REGIONAL CONCERTS
CONCERTS
ATLANTA
March 29, Janet Jackson, Fox Theatre
March 29, Rod Stewart and Stevie Nicks, Phillips Arena
April 9, Lil’ Wayne, Phillips Arena
April 19, Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band, Phillips Arena
Friday, March 25
Play 2 Play Casino Night and Silent Auction will be
at Alabama AM University. It will be from 6-8pm.
http://alabamalivenetwork.ning.com
The Huntsville Havoc vs. Pensacola Hockey Game
will be at the VBC Arena at 7:30pm. 256-518-6160
BIRMINGHAM
March 26, Ronald Isley, BJCC Arena
April 6, Guster, Workplay
April 15, Widespread Panic w/ The Charlie Daniels Band, Verizon Wireless Music Center
April 16, Widespread Panic w/ Big Gigantic, Verizon Wireless Music Center
Merrimack Hall will have an Evening with Ron Harris
at 7:30pm. Tickets are $15. www.merrimackhall.com.
16 Main Gallery will have a Feed Your Palette Wine
and Paint Class “Tuscan Villa”. The cost is $35.
256-325-0161.
HUNTSVILLE
April 5, Avalanche Tour w/ Stone Sour, VBC Arena
April 15, Jim Parker’s Songwriters Series, VBC Playhouse
April 29, Trans -Siberian Orchestra, VBC Arena
The Decatur Acoustic Concert Series is a monthly
event that occursthe 4th Friday of each month at
The Magnolia Room, 216 Moulton St east, Decatur.
Tonight’s performer will be Blue Mother Tupelo and
Michelle Malone. Doors will open at 7pm doors and
the show begins at 8pm. The cost is $20. 256-686-1382
or www.themagnoliaroomdecatur.com.
MEMPHIS
April 9, Kings of Leon, Fed Ex Forum
April 28, Arcade Fire, Orpheum Theatre
NASHVILLE
March 26, Prairie Home Companion, Ryman Auditorium
April 3, Rush, Bridgestone Auditorium
April 7, Vince Gill, Ryman Auditorium
April 8, Amos Lee, Ryman Auditorium
April 9, Boz Scaggs, Ryman Auditorium
April 9, Rush, Bridgestone Arena
There will be a kick butt CD Release Show for Amy
McCarley at Flying Monkey Arts Theater. There will
be refreshments, a free show and signing of the CD.
www.flyingmonkeyarts.org.
The Huntsville Woman’s Club Luncheon, Fashion
Show & Silent Auction will be at the Huntsville
Marriott at 10:30am. The cost is $30 and all proceeds
will go to Meals on Wheels.
April 9, Jo Dee Messina, Wildhorse Salon
April 16, Sugarland, Bridgestone Arena
April 19, Lady Gaga, Bridgestone Arena
April 21, Bob Segar, Bridgestone Arena
April 21, Justin Moore, Wildhorse Salon
The Dogwood Festival Fashion Show and Luncheon
will be at the First United Methodist Church in Athens.
It will be from 11am until 2pm. www.firstchurch.ws.
March 25-27
The 6th Siege of Bridgeport Re-enactment will be
in Bridgeport. It brings history alive when almost
1,650 re-enactors thrill thousands of curious visitors
and history buffs with their authentic re-creation of
this fateful battle of the Civil War. Also included are
period music, authentic encampment and vendors of
historical objects and clothing. 256-495-3614 or 256259-5500.
March 26-27
The McDonald’s Big Bass Splash will be at Goose
Colony in Scottsboro. Amateur Anglers will be fishing
for the chance to win $155, 000 in cash and prizes.
There will be an Outdoor EXPO with food, fishing items,
and entertainment throughout the weekend. 1-800259-5508.
Saturday, March 26
The Cajun Zydeco Connection presents: Zydeco T.
It’s the annual Tardi Gras dance, featuring our favorite
near-local Zydeco band, Zydeco-T. It will be at 8pm
with a lesson at 7:45. The cost is $15. It will be at the
Flying Monkey Theatre. www.czdance.com or www.
flyingmonkey.org. WWW.VALLEYPLANET.COM
TUSCALOOSA
April 2, Patti Labelle and the O’Jays, Tuscaloosa Amphitheatre
April 15, Sugarland, Tuscaloosa Amphitheatre
The 2011 Dixie Derby Dodge Ball Tournament will
be at Dublin Park from 11am until? The cost is $5.
www.dixiederbygirls.com.
The Lowe Mill, will have a Yard Art Welding Class. The
class is $50. Other classes will be April 2nd, 9th, and 16th.
[email protected] or call 256 529-9236 or go to
www.lowemill.net.
The Peter Cotton Tail Express will be at the North
Alabama Railroad Museum. The times are 10, 11am
and 1, 2 and 3pm. 256-851-6276.
Hands-on Trucks will be at Sci-Quest, Hands-on
Science Center. Sci-Quest is partnering with local
organizations to bring different vehicles to the SciQuest parking lot for children to get a unique, closeup look and hands-on experience. It will be from 10am
until 2pm. www.sci-quest.org.
The Druid City Arts Festival is a celebration of
regional original arts with a focus on music. It is free,
and for all ages. It will be from 11am until 7pm in
Government Plaza in downtown Tuscaloosa. www.
creatviecampus.ua.edu.
The Huntsville Havoc vs. Knoxville Hockey Game
will be at the VBC Arena at 7:30pm. 256-518-6160.
The Huntsville Track Club will have the 5th Annual 25K
Trail Run. It will be from 7am until 12pm at Monte
Sano State Park. 256- 990-2584.
There will be a Chestnut Tree Planting at Burritt
on the Mountain at 10:30am. 256-2882 or www.
burrittonthemountain.com.
The 4 H Regional Horse Show will be from 8am
until 5pm. It will be at the Alabama A&M Agribition
Center.
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events cont. on pg.15
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 4
THE VALLEY PLANET
events cont. from pg.14
The Huntsville Botanical Garden will have the
Wildflower Symposium. It will be from 9am until
5pm. www.hsvbg.org.
The JLMC American Girl Fashion Show will be at
the Princess Theatre from 10am until 12pm. www.
princesstheatre.org
Tried and True presented by The Huntsville Community
Chorus will be at Trinity United Methodist Church. It
will be from 7-8pm. www.trinityhsv.org.
March 26-27
The Heart of Dixie Orchid Society Show will be at the
Holiday Inn in Research Park. Admission is free. 256883-2512.
Sunday, March 27
Palette to Palate will be at the Lowe Mill, 3rd floor,
Studio 314. This Paint & Carry class and dinner will
be with Denise Onwere. The class is $50 and includes
all supplies and fine cuisine. 256 617-6052 or email
[email protected].
A Ray of Hope Event is the annual fund-raiser of
AshaKiran, a non-profit organization that provides
assistance and counseling to people of South Asian
origin in North Alabama facing emotional and physical
trauma. The event will be held on from 1pm until 4pm
at the Von Braun Center Concert Hall. 256-542-1063
or www.ashakiran.com.
K.I.D. Artist Collective presents DRAW! It will be from
2-4pm at Lowe Mill. Practice drawing live models with
interesting outfits. The cost is $5 and all levels welcome! [email protected] or www.flyingmonkeyarts.org.
Shoebox Sculptures will have an exhibit at the
Tennessee Valley Art Association until May 6th. The
Tennessee Valley Museum of Art is located at 511 N.
Water St., in Tuscumbia. 256-383-0533 or tvaa.net.
Come play Scrabble every Sunday from 3-6pm for
Tournament Style Play at ADRS, located at 3000
Johnson Road in Huntsville. dixiescrabblers@gmail.
com or go to meetup.com
Zydeco and Cajun dance lessons are taught every
Sunday from 6 to 8pm at the Eagles Lodge located
at Bob Wallace and 10th Street. Partners are not
required. Dance lessons start off the evening and are
taught in the round robin style. 256-656-0646.
The 911 Dispatch Dash 5K and Fun Run will be in
Morgan County. The 5K starts at 2pm and the Fun Run
will be at 3:15. www.rivercityrunners.org.
Merrimack Hall Performing Arts Center will have
Edwin McCain and Jeffrey Steele in concert at 8pm.
www.merrimackhall.com.
Monday, March 28
The North Alabama Songwriters workshop
is an official Nashville Songwriters Association
International (NSAI) regional workshop. Meetings
are 4th Monday night of each month at 6:30pm
at the Malibu Apartments Clubhouse. www.
northalabamasongwriters.com,
email
info@
northalabamasongwriters.com, or 256-682-2564.
The Monaco Theatre will have Movies for Moms
every at 11am. It is designed to provide mothers with
infants an opportunity to see one of the latest movie
releases at a great value. www.monacopicturesusa.
com. (See ad pg. 19)
Tuesday, March 29
The Dance Club presents the best in ballroom dancing
every Tuesday night at Roller Time skating rink, 707
Arcadia Circle with free lessons (East and West Coast
Swing) beginning at 7:30pm and dancing continuing
until 10:15pm. The cost is $5 for regular and $3 for
students. [email protected].
Wednesday, March 30
There will be Shag Dance Lessons held at Hog Wild
every Wednesday night from 6:30pm to 7:30pm, with
dancing continuing until 8:30pm. The lessons are free
and partners are not required. 256-533-7446 or www.
hogwildcountry.
Thursday, March 31
St. Mary’s Catholic Church. cheryl_john@bellsouth.
net.
THE VALLEY PLANET
Just for Women Magazine will have the event, “Thank
God I’m a Woman.” It will be at the Lowe Mill from
5-6:30pm. Admission is free. marketing@jfwmagazine.
net or www.lowemill.net.
Denise Onwere Gallery Art Class will be from 6pm
– 9pm, in Studio 314, at the Lowe Mill. Paint and carry
class is $30 and includes supplies and smock. 256 4688818 or email [email protected] or go to lowemill.
net.
Alfred Hitchcock’s the 39 Steps, a fast-paced, hilarious
whodunit will be on tour at Decatur’s Princess Theatre
at 7:30 pm. princesstheatre.org or call 256.340.1778.
There will be a HealthWellness andWater and Exciting
and Timely Business Opportunity presentation at
The Best Western Rocket City Inn & Suites located
at 6200 Torok Circle in Huntsville. The speaker is Emile
Labat, Homeostatic Health Advocate. It will be at 7pm.
Please RSVP at 256-457-0812 or www.MyWaterLives.
com
St. Mary’s Catholic Church. cheryl_john@bellsouth.
net.
March 31- April 2
The Huntsville Museum of Art will have Art in
Bloom. It will include Floral Interpretations of Art
Work on display, an Art Bazaar, Painting Classes and
other Workshops. www.hsvmuseum.org.
Friday, April 1
The First Friday Arts Fest will be at the Huntsville
Art League, located at 3005 L & N Drive, Huntsville. It
will be from 5-8pm. www.huntsvilleartleague.org.
The Four Bitchin’ Babes present Diva Nation at
Merrimack Hall. It will be from 7:30-9:30pm. Tickets
are $40.00. www.merrimackhall.com.
There will be a free concert at the Alabama Opry in
Athens, Alabama. It will feature Taylor McCain, Alaina
Wiley and others. It will be at 7pm. 256-206-0211.
Austin High School presents the play, The Mischievous
Adventures of Brody Hayes. It will be at 7pm at the
Princess Theatre in Decatur. www.princesstheatre.
org.
The Five Points of Life Kids Marathon will be at Joe
Davis Stadium from 9am until 11am.Participants
will receive a T-shirt and Kids Marathon Medal www.
fivepointsoflife.org.
A Walk for Autism will be at Milton Frank Stadium.
It will be from 9:30am until 12:30pm. A $25 dollar
registration fee (includes t-shirt).
www.autismalabama.org.
A Walk for Autism will be at Delany Park in Decatur.
It will be from 9:30am until 12:30pm. A $25 dollar
registration fee (includes t-shirt).
www.autismalabama.org.
The Alabama-Mississippi Chapter of the National
Multiple Sclerosis (MS) Society will hold its annual Walk
MS at the Huntsville BotanicalGardens. 256-604-6948.
There will be a Hubble Art Workshop at the US Space
and Rocket Center. The cost is $10 for members, $15
for non members or $5 with museum admission. It will
be from 10:30am until 12pm. 256- 721-7114 or email
[email protected]. There will be a Contra Dance in the gym of Faith
Presbyterian at the corner of Airport and Whitesburg
Drive. There will be live music by Jim and Inge Wood
and calling by Gary Nelson. It is from 7:30pm until
10:30pm. Lesson begins at 7pm. Admission is $7, and
$4 for students, children under 12 are free. 256-8370656
April 2-3
The World’s Leading Horse Whisperer, Master
Horseman Dennis Reis will be appearing at the
Morgan County Celebration Arena. The “No Dust
Tour” is set for will be from 9am until 5pm, both days. 800-732-8220 or www.reisranch.com for a free twoday pass.
Spring Farm Days will be at Burritt on the
Mountain on Saturday from 10am until 4pm and
Sunday from noon until 4pm. 256-536-2882 or
burrittonthemountain.com.
Sunday, April 3
Come fly with Grace United Methodist Church, 2113
Old Monrovia Rd (the third Sunday of each month in
2010) from 1- 4 pm, inside the Gym. Free for all ages.
Bring your small electric R/C planes and helicopters
and fly, or learn to fly on the FSOne flight simulator.
(256) 772-3946 or visit http://www.rcgroups.com/
forums/showthread.php
The Huntsville Botanical Gardens will have
Treehouses with a Splash Debut. It will be on display
April 30th until September 30th. www.hsvbg.org.
Lena Warrior Productions presents, Do You Dare To
Be Different. Tickets are $7 in advance or $10 at the
door. It will be at the Princess Theatre in Decatur.
The Friends of Music at Nativity present pianist In-Sook
Park, featuring works by Mozart, Liszt & Mussorgsky.
This program is free (donations requested), and open
to the public. It will be at the Church of the Nativity
at 7:30pm. www.nativity-hsv.org.
The Flying Monkey Theatre will have Monkey Speak
at 8pm. Admission is $5. Monkeyspeak is Huntsville’s
most exciting spoken word open-mic night, held the
first Friday of every month. www.flyingmonkeyarts.
org.
The 38th Annual Crescen-Dough Auction will be at
the Von Braun Center’s South Hall from 5:30pm until
10:30pm. www.crescendoughauction.org.
April 1-2
The 32nd annual Longhorn World Championship
Rodeo, be at the Von Braun Civic Center Arena. It will
be Friday at 8pm, Saturday at 2pm and Sunday at 8pm.
www.longhornrodeo.com.
Monrovia Church of Christ will have the I Win Girls
Conference. 256- 837-5255.
April 1-3
Alabama Youth Ballet presents the premiere
performance of the ballet “Arthur and the Magic
Sword”, its fourth in a series of Fairytale ballets at the
VBC Playhouse. The performances will be on Friday at
7:30pm, Saturday at 2 and 7:30pm and Sunday at 2pm.
www.alabamayouthballet.org or www.fairytaleballet.
org or call 256-881-5930.
The Renaissance Theatre will have, Standing by
Tammy Wynette. It will be Friday and Saturday at
7:30pm and Sunday at 2:30pm. All seats $14.00. www.
renaissancetheatre.net.
The Broadway Theatre League will have the new
Broadway production of Burn the Floor. It will be at
the VBC Concert Hall. The times are Friday at 8pm,
Saturday at 2 & 8pm & Sunday at 2pm & 7:30pm. 256518-6155 or www.broadwaytheatreleague.org.
Lee Lyric Theatre presents the play, The Drowsy
Chaperone. It will be at Lee High School. Tickets are
$15 for adults and $10 for students. www.artshuntsville.
org.
Saturday, April 2
There will be Hike at The Walls of Jericho in Limestone
County at 9am. www.landtrust.com or call 256-5345263.
#032411041311
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 4
15
H
ate. Prejudice. Stereotyping.
There seems to be no sanctuary from these words.
I thought I had found one in a group of the most dear, kind people. However, once the word “Muslim” came up, a
few--not all by any means--spoke their prejudices and unfounded fears--”I sure don’t want to wear a burka!”
I can’t take much more talk of hatred of people we really don’t know, except for a small minority of fanatics.
In Turkey, I read a translation of the Qur’an. In that translation, there was no mention of “killing the infidel.”
In Christianity, a number of Biblical translations exist; or, depending on the translator, one line can mean something
completely different to one person than it does to another.
The issue of a news reporter having said he was nervous standing beside a Muslim was the beginning of the momentary
brouhaha mentioned above. In my own heart, I believe it is the Muslims who should be afraid--not the Americans.
Americans, after all, have killed over one million innocent, non-fanatical Muslims in Iraq. I don’t know how many
innocent Muslims have died in Afghanistan. We Americans have gone to THEIR countries and killed their innocent.
Yet, we incite fear against them in our country.
Terrorism is very real, of course. How much more real since we have killed so many human beings. And how much
more since we continue to propagate WORDS of fear, terror, and hatred.
Fear and terror beget anger. Anger leads to bashing--both verbal and physical.
I ask my readers that the words of fear, terror, and hate against the Muslims stop.
When I was a child, there was always fear of a black conspiracy. There never was one, in reality, but the fear incited
anger in the white man. The white man decided to take the first action to avoid the so-called “conspiracy,” and
committed unspeakable acts against the black man as a result.
I pray this sort of paranoia does not repeat itself now.
Agnostics, atheists, and those of other religions often understand the wisdom of the red-letter words of the New
Testament, when some Christians don’t listen to a thing Jesus says.
It’s not as though one’s God is one’s boss, coach, or accountant, whose words might be shrugged off. One’s God is
one’s God. NOT to be taken lightly. Jesus, God to Christians, is clear about how he feels: “Love your enemies.”
To Christians that return to The Old Testament--Christ is not there. In Christian theology, Christ is the “New
Covenant.” To keep referring to The Old Testament, I believe, is to spoil for a fight, or a war, or justification for a
war. If Christ is truly one’s God, he or she won’t be “smiting” people, but, rather, forgiving and including others.
Jesus offered a way out of the endless cycles of revenge and violence. But, it is easier to hate; and the supply of
people to hate is endless. Once it was my father’s people--the American Indian--then the Irish Catholics--the Jew--the
African-American--now the Mexican--and the Muslim.
Almost all Americans have known hatred: Scots, Dutch, French, English, Indians (from India), Iranians, Arabians,
Russians, Chinese, Vietnamese, Brazilians, Greeks, Laotians, Germans, Scandinavians, Spanish, Japanese, Italians-and on and on. America IS the world’s “melting pot,” cultural and religious. Our bodies, our heritages: melting pots.
America has NEVER known religious or cultural sameness.
Loving and accepting those different from us requires knowing people as individuals; more arduous and timeconsuming than believing in stereotypical images. It is easier to hate or kill when an entire people are presented
as evil incarnate. Individual Muslims are as different as members of any religion or any culture. Many soldiers
returning from Afghanistan have found the Afghan people to be warm and generous.
How does one love the fanatical Muslims who hate us? For one, Jesus admonishes us to “Pray for those who
persecute you.” Again, does a Christian listen to one’s God? Or does one mock by saying, “I a’int gonna pray for no
terrorist!” I wonder if the dead parents, grandparents, wives, husbands, children, killed in American attacks, though
they did no harm; I wonder if they--or those who loved them--have forgiven us.
I applaud the words of church leaders in a recent article, New Budget Campaign Asks, ’What would Jesus Cut?’
by Dan Gilgoff, in an edition of Sojourners magazine. Christian evangelicals, such as David Beckman, protest that
planned Congressional cuts would primarily affect our country’s poor and that the cuts are “morally wrong.”
When Jesus talked about how God would judge the nations, he said that God will focus on what we did or did not do
for the neediest among us.
Sojourners’ leader, Reverend Wallis, also challenges the cuts, asking, “Are we saying that every piece of military
equipment is more important than . . . children’s health and nutrition for low-income families?”
Why not demand that our leaders cut the military budget the most, and perhaps--since America touts itself as a
“Christian country”--feed the people of Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya. In places where food is plentiful, fanatics rarely
take root. (And we must not forget that it was the U.S. that trained and placed in power Saddam Hussein and Osama
bin Laden.) The cost of bread for these people would be much less than the military budget. Feeding the hungry,
both here and there, would be much closer to what Jesus had in mind.
But once again, we face the Tower of Mammon; the military budget means money for endless war machinery and
endless defense contractors--and endless suffering.
Oh, never mind. Jesus is merely the Christian God. Why would any practicing Christian listen to him?
To ponder: “Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not love, I am become as sounding
brass, or a tinkling cymbal.” First Corinthians 13:1
16
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VOLUME 9 ISSUE 4
THE VALLEY PLANET
866-500-3535 or for more information, go to www.
princesstheare.org.
The Film Co-op monthly workshop meets in Don’s
Studio at the Flying Monkey Arts Center from 2pm
until 4pm. Admission is free and open to the public.
457-5371 or go to www.flyingmonkeyarts.org.
Wednesday, April 6
Club Rush will have Salsa Night with Salseroblanko
on the first and third Wednesday’s of each month.
Club Rush is located at 109 North Side Square.
[email protected]
Thursday, April 7
Fully loaded and shooting off his mouth, Ricky
Thomason debuts his standup comedy performance
at the Flying Monkey Theater in Huntsville. The show
starts at 8pm. For tickets go to www.rickythomason.
com
featuring works transcribed and arranged for organ.
It will begin at 12:10pm and end at 12:50pm. It will
be at First United Methodist Church. cheryl_john@
bellsouth.net.
The Big Band Bash XVII will be at the Princess Theatre
in Decatur from 7pm until 10pm. www.princesstheare.
com.
The Huntsville Christian Women’s Connection will
have the monthly luncheon meeting at the Huntsville
Country Club from 11:30am to 1pm. It will feature a
Spring Fashions’ by Christopher & Banks, and a speaker,
Deb Atheneos, US Air Force Retiree. Please call Betty
at 256-837-8286 or Nancy at 256-883-1339 or www.
stonecroftministires.org.
April 8-10
Theatre Randolph presents Lionel Bart’s musical,
Oliver! Performance times are Friday and Saturday at
7:30pm and Saturday and Sunday at 2:30pm. Tickets
prices are $5 for students and $10 for adults. 256-7996163.
April 8-10
Mountain Stories (the companion piece to
Appalachian Witches) will be at the Renaissance
Theatre on the Alpha Stage. Tickets are $20.
Performance times are Friday and Saturday at 8pm
and Sunday at 2:30pm. www.renaissancetheatre.net.
(See ad pg. 4)
Saturday, April 9
The Huntsville Ballet Company presents The Annual
Spring Performance and Discover Dance at the VBC
Concert Hall. The performances will feature not only
the company, but all of the outreach children from
our work in the public schools. It will be at 2pm and
7:30pm. 256-539-0931 or go to www.communityballet.
org. (See ad pg. 18)
The Tennessee Valley Tigers WFL vs. Georgia Peachez
will be at 7pm at Milton Frank Stadium. Admission
cost is $10. www.myspace.com/tnvalleytigers.
The Dixie Derby Girls will have a double header. The
first bout is against Alamo City and the second bout is
against Burn City. www.dixiederbygirls.com.
There will be Hike at the Historic Old Railroad
Bed Trail on Monte Sano Mountain at 10am. www.
landtrust.com or call 256-534-5263.
The Huntsville Feminist Chorus Spring Concert
will be held in Chan Auditorium on the UAHuntsville
campus at 7:30pm. As part of its 16th annual spring
concert, the Huntsville Feminist Chorus will honor the
100th year of Girl Scouting. 256-539-0723, or uah.edu/
womensstudies/events.html.
The World Conspiracy’s 16th Anniversary Bash
Zombie Prom will be on the 1st Floor Connector at
the Lowe Mill. Brains will be served, as well as other
free refreshments. Limited pre-sale tickets at World
Conspiracy, $15 single, $25 couple (call 256/534-3198.)
www.lowemill.net
The 2nd Annual Bass Tournament to Benefit CAST
for Kids will be at Lake Guntersville Park from 6:15am
until 3pm. www.castforkidsalabama.org.
Alabama Kidney Foundation Walk-a-thon will be at
Milton Frank Stadium. It will be from 9am until 12pm.
www.alkidney.org.
THE VALLEY PLANET
April 9-10
The Alabama Chicken and Egg Festival will be at the
Lions Club Fair Grounds in Moulton, Alabama. This
is a two-day family festival where everything revolves
around cool live Americana and blues music, chickens
and eggs. It also includes arts & crafts vendors, the
Motorcycle Chicken Run, an agriculture photo contest
and a hands-on activity area for children. www.
alabamachickenandeggfestival.com.
April 9-11
Cherokee County Home and Garden Show will
be at Gadsden State Cherokee Center and Arena.
Admission is free. www.touralabama.org.
Sunday, April 10
There will be an April Artist Reception for many of
the gifted artists from Ascribing Artists at Reflectives
Frame and Art Gallery from 6-8pm. Admission is free.
256-682-2882 or www.ArtisansCove.com.
Intro to Relief: Linoleum Block with instructor David
Reimer will be at the Green Pea Press, Studio 122 at
the Lowe Mill. It will be from 2-6pm. The cost is $65.
Learn the fundamentals of relief printmaking with
linoleum while exploring various techniques. www.
lowemill.net.
Disney Live! Mickey’s Live Magic Show will be at the
VBC Arena at 1:30pm and 5:30pm. www.ticketmaster.
com.
April 10-12
There will be a Bloomin’ Festival at St. Bernard’s Prep
School in Cullman. There will be more than 140 booths
are filled with artists demonstrating and exhibiting
their work. www.stbernardprep.com.
Monday, April 11
The Battle on the Ridge Golf Tournament to benefit
the Downtown Rescue Mission will be at Cherokee
Ridge Golf Course from 8:30am until 12:30pm. 256541-4399 or 256-713-4316.
April 11-15
Dinosaurs Drank That Spring Break Camp will be
at the Huntsville Botanical Gardens. The cost for
members is $40/day, $180/week, and non-members
$50/day, $225/week. www.hsvbg.org.
Sci-Quest Spring Break Camps will be this week. It is
for children in grades Kindergarten through 8th-grade.
There is early drop-off and late pick-up available. 256837-0606 or www.sciquest.org.
Burritt Rangers Spring Camp, Oh, the Places You’ll
Go! will be at Burritt on the Mountain. It is for children
ages kindergarten-5th grade. It will begin at 9:30am.
www.burrittonthemountain.com.
Tuesday, April 12
The Books and Coffee series will have a discussion of
Someone Knows My Name by Lawrence Hill. It will be
in the Multi-Purpose Room of the J.F. Drake Memorial
Library (Learning Resources Center) on the Alabama
A&M campus. The event is free and open to the public.
256.372.4086 or [email protected].
An Artist Critique will be at the Flying Monkey Arts
Center at 7pm. Admission is free and open to all visual
artists. 256-509-6545 or www.flyingmonkeyarts.org.
Nothing Left 2 Say, a Spoken word outlet for high
school poets, will be at Flying Monkey Theatre
from 7:30pm until 9pm. Admission is free. www.
flyingmonkeyarts.org
Wednesday, April 13
The Huntsville Stars vs. The Carolina Mudcats will
be at Joe Davis Stadium at 6:40pm. The cost is $8.
www.huntsvillestars.net.
Thursday, April 14
First Christian Church. [email protected].
FIX YOUR PET!
$10, $5 or FREE!!
The Huntsville Stars vs. The Carolina Mudcats will
be at Joe Davis Stadium at 6:40pm. The cost is $8.
www.huntsvillestars.net.
Homicide Survivors 9th Annual Candlelight Vigil
will be at Big Springs Park in Downtown Huntsville
at 7pm.
If you or someone in your household is on
Medicaid, WIC, Food Stamps, SS Disability
or if your annual household income
is $25,000 or less, you qualify.
Call 830-8459.
FREESHOT
IES
B
RA WITH Y
GER
SUR
Please leave your name and number.
Someone will return your call.
Madison Co.
residents only.
#032411041311
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 4
17
The play, Crumbs from the Table will be at UAH’s
Wilson Theatre at 7:30pm. www.theater.uah.edu.
Friday, April 15
Jim Parker’s Songwriter’s Series will be at the VBC
Playhouse. Performers will be Steve Dean, Mike Willis,
Billy Montana & Special Guest Brent Morgan. www.
jimparkermusic.com.
The 30th Black Maria Film Festival will be at the
Flying Monkey at 7:30pm. Admission is $7. www.
flyingmonkeyarts.org.
Sci-Quest, Hands-on Science Center will host Parents’
Night Out from 5:30 until 9pm. Parents can drop their
children off at Sci-Quest where they will enjoy dinner,
science activities, and time with Sci-Quest’s hands-on
exhibits. This event is for children ages 4-12. Admission
is $20 for the first child and $15 for each additional
child in the same household. 256-837-0606 or www.
sci-quest.org.
A symposium on “Why we are still fighting the Civil
War” will be held from 10-4 pm, at the Knight Center
on the campus of Alabama A&M University, with a
follow-up lecture by University of Chicago historian
Dr. Julie Saville, at 7:30 pm at UAH’s Chan Auditorium
in the Business Administration Building off of Holmes
Avenue. All of these events are free and open to the
public. uah.edu/womensstudies/symposium or phone
256-824-6210.
The Huntsville Swing Dance Society presents April
Smith and the Great Picture Show at the Flying
Monkey. The lesson will be at 7pm and the dance
is at 8pm. The cost is $10, and $7 students. www.
huntsvilleswingdance.org.
There will be a Contra Dance in the gym of Faith
Presbyterian at the corner of Airport and Whitesburg
Drive. There will be live music by David Coe and Nate
Strasse and calling by Jane Ewing. It is from 7:30pm
until 10:30pm. Lesson begins at 7pm. Admission is $7,
and $4 for students, children under 12 are free. 256837-0656
The UAHuntsville Small Business Development Center
and the District SBA Office is sponsoring the Small
Business Jobs Act Listening Tour. It will be in the
Chan Auditorium, located in the College of Business
Administration Building. The program begins at 9am
and is free to all participants. http://sbdc.uah.edu/
directions.php.
The Boob-B-Q Fundraiser for the Russell Hill Cancer
Foundation will be at the 1st Floor Connector, at Lowe
Mill. It will be at 7pm. This is a breast and ovarian
cancer fundraiser, with live music by Mambo Gris Gris
and a silent auction. There is a $10 donation suggested.
(256) 426-3774 or [email protected] or www.
lowemill.net.
The PRE-Salsalabama Spring Salsa Fiesta will at the
Bar 109. Our special guest DJ is DJ King Tito from
Atlanta. It will be from 9pm until 1pm. There is a $10
admission. There will also be instructors from Atlanta.
www.salseroblanko.net.
Henry Cho will be at Grissom High School at 7:30pm.
Tickets are $22. For more information, call 256-8595149 or go to www.thewayinc.org. (See ad pg. 14)
Princess Sings the Blues with Microwave Dave and
the Nukes will be at 7:30pm at the Princess Theatre.
The cost is $20. Meet the band pre-show at 6pm,
admission $10. www.princesstheatre.org.
April 15-17
Mountain Stories (the companion piece to Appalachian
Witches) will be at the Renaissance Theatre on the
Alpha Stage. Tickets are $20. Performance times are
Friday and Saturday at 8pm and Sunday at 2:30pm.
www.renaissancetheatre.net. (See ad pg. 4)
Saturday, April 16
There will be a Space Food Workshop: A fun and
informative hands on workshop all about the food
astronauts eat in space. It is for ages 6-12. The cost is
$10.00 for members, $15.00 for non-members, or $5.00
with museum admission. It will be at the US Space and
Rocket Center from 10:30am-12:00pm and 1:00pm2:30pm. 256-721-7114 or [email protected].
The Main Salsa Party will at the Madison Ballroom at
9076 Madison Blvd. It will be from 8:30pm until 1pm.
Admission at the door is $15, $10 in advance. There
will be Workshops, Salsa Performances, Professional
Salsa Instructors, DJ’s and a Salsa Party. www.
madisonballroom.com.
The Coffee Tree Books & Brew will have a Miche Purse
Party from 6am until noon. For more information, go to
www.coffeetreebnb.com. (See ad pg. 11)
It will be Record Store Day at Vertical House Records,
in Studio 273 at the Flying Monkey Arts Center. It will
be from 11am until 6pm. Admission is free. www.
theverticalhouse.com.
The Princess Theatre in Decatur will have the Gospel
Play, Lord I am Torn Between 2 Lovers. It will be at
7pm. Tickets are $15 in advance and $20 at the door.
www.princesstheatre.org.
April 16-17
The 50th Annual Art on the Lake in Guntersville
will be from 10am until 5pm both days, rain or shine.
Admission charge is $2 for ages 13 and older. There will
be over 120 exhibitors of original art and crafts from
all over the southeast, fun and games for kids, food
vendors and bake sale. 1-800- 547-7746.
Sunday, April 17
Student Angler Federation Alabama High School
Fishing State Championship will be at Ingalls Harbor
on Wheeler Lake just outside of Decatur, Alabama. The
state championship is a two person team event for
students in grades 9 -12. Registration for high school
anglers and their “coach,” who will provide the boat they
compete in, is now open online at HighSchoolFishing.
org or by calling 580-765-9031.
An Intro to Relief: Linoleum Block with instructor
David Reimer will be at the Green Pea Press, Studio
122 at the Lowe Mill. It will be from 2-6pm. The cost is
$65. Learn the fundamentals of relief printmaking with
linoleum while exploring various techniques. www.
lowemill.net.
the end!
34th Annual St. Patrick’s Day Parade !
18
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VOLUME 9 ISSUE 4
THE VALLEY PLANET
I
had the pleasure of interviewing a rather eccentric
family of dogs and cats who describe themselves
as a “pack of quadrupeds living in the shadows
of Chapman Mountain.” While fighting like cats and
dogs may be a common expression, you’ll find this
household to be free of pup versus puss tension. In fact
visitors to this lovely casa will find a closely bonded
family of felines and canines who have been vigilant
about rescuing one another and living happily ever after
in their harmonious kingdom.
AJ: Mable Rose, since you’re such an outgoing
dog with such great storytelling abilities, let me ask
you…What is it like to live in your cat-dog house?
M: “First of all, let me give you some back story on
the cats. There are four—Eddie, Patsy, Saphie, and
Bobby. If the names bring up thoughts of British
television, there’s a reason for that. Some of the names
are quite ambiguous. However, being that everyone’s
been spayed or neutered, the cats don’t feel gender roles
are important in their society… Anyway, before I came
around, there was just Patsy. Patsy rescued Eddie from
Friends of Feral. The two of them really did fall deeply
in love, much to Eddie’s surprise. ”
AJ: So Patsy was the initial driving force behind all
the rescuing that ensued?
M: “Yes. Patsy’s a bit of a munchkin, but she’s
actually queen of the domicile. Oh, and she loves her
photo ops…So Patsy and Eddie rescued Saphie from
Challenger House. Saphie had a ridiculous name, like
Mr. Poof. One might think that because Saphie is so
handsome that there’s a poly-amorous relationship here,
but Patsy is truly devoted to Eddie. Regardless, Eddie
and Saphie are both males, so they’re constantly battling
for rulership of the kingdom. However, Saphie’s love of
us dogs has put him as the heir apparent.”
AJ: When did you enter the picture, Mable?
M: “I was living with a hippie. Upon seeing my need
of a healthy home—sans hippies—the cats rescued me.
I had identity issues, especially when Bobby came into
the house. I tried to get in the cat tree more than once.
It was when Olivia Bloom came that I got a sense of
kinship with my canine roots.”
AJ: Let’s back up a minute. First of all, who’s
Bobby?
M: “We all stole Bobby from a hippie. Bobby was
literally nursed by a bitch, so he doesn’t understand that
he’s not a dog. Bobby actually barks. You don’t hear it
very often, but he’ll literally say ‘ruff ruff!’ and Olivia
and I are like, ‘What the **** is that?’ Then we’ll see
that Bobby’s sitting in the window sill, barking at a
beetle who is also in the window sill. Bobby meows,
too, but if he’s hunting he’ll bark.”
AJ: Now tell me about Olivia.
M: “Olivia means “bearer of peace.” I found that out
after I named her, actually. I prayed to the goddess to
bring me a daughter… I am, of course, spayed, so I
needed divine intervention.”
AJ: Of course. What’s the nature of your motherdaughter relationship with Olivia?
M: “I love to play ball. Love my sports. Olivia’s my
pep squad. She’ll just sit back and cheer her mama on. I
have quite an imagination, myself. So much that Olivia
and the cats sometimes question if I’m telling the truth.
I also have special powers. My daughter has the gift
of song. Sometimes Olivia will burst into song for no
apparent reason and I’ll have to tell her to shut the ****
up. ”
AJ: So tell me about these special powers of yours?
M: “Well, it’s possible I’m a unicorn in disguise. Olivia,
too, actually. We both have these ridges on the tops of
our skulls, which I think might be unicorn horns. Then
again I might be a superhero alien from outer space.
Like I said, the rest of the household thinks I have quite
the overactive imagination. But I do have a special
power that has been confirmed, and that is my ability
to make anyone feel loved. If you’re having a bad day,
come see me and I’ll make you feel better. After all, my
name means ‘loveable.’ I like giving puppy kisses, kitty
THE VALLEY PLANET
kisses, and human kisses…But if you’re not careful, I’ll
slip you the tongue.”
Mable, Olivia, Patsy, Eddie, Saphie, and Bobby all
encourage you to help get pet overpopulation under
control. Please help lower the euthanasia rate by
doing your part to get your pet fixed. They also ask
that you consider kindly donating your extra time or
money to one of the spay/neuter charities in Madison
County. Contact the North Alabama Spay/Neuter
Clinic at (256) 489-0418, or visit them online at www.
nalspayneuter.org. Send ideas and comments to me at
[email protected]. Thanks for reading!
#032411041311
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 4
19
by Chuck Shepherd
appear to be sharply opposed to the very idea of being
issued “grades.” The project’s supporters cited school
principals’ complaints about the quality of teachers applying for jobs, but the teachers’ college representatives
criticized the project’s measurement criteria as overly
simplistic.
Police were out in force in September as
schools opened in Toronto, writing 25 school-zone
speeding tickets in the first two hours. One of the 25
was issued to the driver of a school bus, caught speeding through a school zone trying to avoid being late at a
pickup point farther down the road.
The Litigious Society
Paul Mason, 50, an ex-letter-carrier in Ipswich, England, told reporters in January he would file
a lawsuit against Britain’s National Health Service for
negligence -- because it allowed him to “grow” in recent
years to a weight of nearly 900 pounds. Mason said he
“begged” for NHS’s help in 1996 when he weighed 420,
but was merely told to “ride your bike more.” Last year,
he was finally allowed gastric surgery, which reduced
him to his current 518. At his heaviest, Mason estimates
he was consuming 20,000 calories a day.
Tombstone, Ariz., which was the site of the legendary
1881 Gunfight at the O.K. Corral (made into a 1957
movie), is about 70 miles from the Tucson shopping
center where a U.S. congresswoman, a federal judge
and others were shot in January. A Los Angeles Times
dispatch later that month noted that the “Wild West” of
1881 Tombstone had far stricter gun control than present-day Arizona. The historic gunfight occurred when
the marshal (Virgil Earp, brother of Wyatt) tried to enforce the town’s no-carry law against local thugs. Today,
however, with few restrictions and no licenses required,
virtually any Arizonan 18 or older can carry a handgun
openly, and those 21 or older can carry one concealed.
Leading Economic Indicator
The government of Romania, attempting
both to make amends for historical persecution of fortune-telling “witches” and to collect more tax revenue,
amended its labor law recently to legalize the profession. However, “queen witch” Bratara Buzea, apparently speaking for many in the soothsaying business, told
the Associated Press in February that official recognition might make witches legally responsible for future
events that are beyond their control. Already, witches
are said to be fighting back against the government with
curses -- hurling poisonous mandrake plants into the
Danube River and casting a special spell involving cat
dung and a dead dog.
Compelling Explanations
British loyalist Michael Stone still claims
it was all a misunderstanding -- that he did not intend
to assassinate Irish Republican Army political leaders
in 2006, despite being arrested at the Northern Ireland
legislature carrying knives, an ax, a garotte, and a bag
of explosives that included flammable liquids, gas canisters and fuses. He was later convicted, based on his
having detonated one explosive in the foyer and then
carrying the other devices into the hall to confront the
leaders, but he continued to insist that he was merely
engaged in “performance art.” (In January 2011, the
Northern Ireland court of appeal rejected his claim.)
Phyllis Stevens, 59, said she had no idea she
had embezzled nearly $6 million until her employer,
Aviva USA, of Des Moines, Iowa, showed her the evidence. She said it must have been done by the “hundreds” of personalities created by her dissociative identity disorder (including “Robin,” who was caught trying
to spend Stevens’ remaining money in Las Vegas just
hours after the showdown with Aviva). Stevens and her
spouse had been spending lavishly, buying properties,
and contributing generously to political causes. As the
“core person,” Stevens said she will accept responsibility but asked a federal judge for leniency. (The prosecutor said Stevens is simply a thief.)
Thomas Walkley, a lawyer from Norton,
Ohio, was charged in January with indecent exposure
for pulling his pants down in front of two 19-year-old
males, but Walkley said he was merely “mentoring” atrisk boys. He said it is a technique he had used with
other troubled youths, especially the most difficult cases, by getting them “to think differently.” Said Walkley,
“Radical times call for radical measures.”
Ironies
U.S. News & World Report magazine, and
the National Council on Teacher Quality, announced
plans recently to issue grades (A, B, C, D and F) on how
well each of the U.S.’s 1,000-plus teachers’ colleges
develop future educators, but the teachers of teachers
20
Update
Life is improving for some Burmese Kayan
women who, fleeing regular assaults by soldiers of the
military government of Myanmar, become valuable exhibits at tourist attractions in neighboring Thailand -because of their tribal custom of wearing heavy metal
rings around their necks from an early age. The metal
stacks weigh 11 pounds or more and depress girls’ clavicles, giving them the appearance of elongated necks,
which the tribe (and many tourists) regard as exotic.
While human rights activists heap scorn on these Thai
“human zoos” of ring-necked women, a Nacogdoches,
Texas, poultry plant recently began offering some of the
women a more attractive choice -- lose the rings and
come work in Texas, de-boning chickens.
People With Issues
Although police in Mount Vernon, Ohio,
aren’t sure of the motive, they know (according to
records made public in February) that the murdererkidnapper Matthew Hoffman was arrested in November in a living room piled 3 feet high with leaves and
a bathroom containing 110 bags of leaves attached to
the walls. Hoffman, an unemployed tree-trimmer, later
confessed to the kidnap and rape of a 13-year-old girl
(whom he kept in a basement on a pallet of leaves) and
had stuffed the bodies of his three murder victims in a
hollow tree. An expert on serial killers told ABC News
that trees might have given Hoffman comfort, but police
haven’t discounted that the leaves were there merely to
help him later torch the house.
Least Competent Criminals
Not Ready for Prime Time: Jose Demartinez, 35, was hospitalized in Manchester, N.H., in January. With police in pursuit, he had climbed out a hotel
window using tied-together bed sheets, but they came
undone, and he fell four stories.
Detected burglarizing a house in Summerfield, Fla., in January, Laird Butler fled through a
window but not from police. The homeowner’s dog had
frightened Butler, who crashed through the glass, cut
himself badly, and bled to death in a neighbor’s yard.
Kevin Funderburk, 25, was charged with
sexual assault of a 71-year-old woman in her Hutchinson, Kan., home in December. By the time his mug shot
was taken, he was in a neck brace -- from the victim’s
frying-pan-swinging defense.
Recurring Themes
During an early-January freeze, an 8-yearold boy, standing across the street from Woodward
(Okla.) Middle School, apparently fell for the traditional dare from his brother and licked a metal pole. He had
to wait on his tiptoes for emergency responders to come
unstick him.
In January, John Finch, 44, of Wilmington, Del., became the latest alleged burglar to break in
(through a window) and be unable either to climb back
out or figure out the automatic locks on the doors (and
thus be forced to call 911 on himself to be rescued).
New York University arts professor Wafaa Bilal had
his camera surgically removed in February -- the one
that was implanted in the back of his skull in November to record, at 60-second intervals, the places he had
left behind (beamed to and archived by a museum in
Qatar). The camera had been mounted under his skin,
braced by three titanium posts, but his body very painfully rejected one of the posts, and his temporary solution is to merely tie the camera to the back of his neck
(even though that work-around is unsatisfactory to him
because it represents a less-personal “commitment” to
the art). In the future, he said, communication devices
like his will routinely be part of our bodies.
#032411041311
The Entrepreneurial Spirit
Till Krautkraemer’s New York City beverage company MeatWater creates dozens of flavors of
water for the upscale market of hearty gourmets who
would like their daily salads, or shellfish, or goulash
from a bottle instead of from a plate. Among his new
flavors introduced in January, according to an AOL
News report, were poached salmon salad water and
a Caribbean shrimp salad water that can double as a
vodka mixer. Old standbys include Peking duck water,
tandoori chicken water, bangers ‘n’ mash water, and
Krautkraemer’s favorite, German sauerbraten water.
Sell What You Know: In December, a company in eastern Ukraine (a country known for hard
drinking) announced a “drinking buddy” service in
which, for the equivalent of about $18, it would supply a barroom companion for the evening, “qualified” to
discuss politics, sports, women, etc., and even to offer
psychological counseling if appropriate.
Not Your Father’s Scotch: The Panamanian
company Scottish Spirits recently introduced a straight
Scotch whisky in 12-ounce cans, for a market of mobile
drinkers who prefer not to invest in a whole bottle. The
international Scotch whisky trade association expressed
alarm.
At Clive’s, of Victoria, British Columbia,
Glenfiddich Scotch whisky is only one ingredient in the
signature cocktail “Cold Night In,” which, according
to a January New York Times review, combines “molecular mixology” and comfort food. An especially buttery grilled-cheese sandwich is soaked overnight in the
Scotch, along with Mt. Gay rum and Lillet Blanc wine.
Following a brief freeze to congeal any remaining fat,
and double-straining, it is ready to serve -- with a celery
stick and other garnishments.
“Vulva Original,” from a German company,
VivaEros, is the “scent of a beautiful woman,” reported
in Harper’s magazine in August 2010, and selling as a
fragrance concentrate for the equivalent of about $35
for a small roll-on container. (Its promotional video is
of a lavishly photographed gym scene, with a handsome male, observing a beautiful female working out
on a stationary bike, followed afterward by the male’s
gently sniffing the seat.) “The female smell of intimacy,” promised VivaEros, “triggers sexual attraction and
desire,” which men can address “more intensely during
self-stimulation.”
Science on the Cutting Edge
“You’re not going to like this,” warned
NPR’s Robert Krulwich, about to deliver a February
story about visionary robotics developers James Auger
and Jimmy Loizeau, who created a carnivorous clock,
supposedly able to power itself for 12 days merely on
the carcasses of 12 dead houseflies (which the clock
traps with fly paper and then mechanically razors in
two). The pair also showed a prototype of a coffee table
that catches mice by luring them up the table legs with
cheese into a hole in the center, where they are guillotined. Auger and Loizeau said their creations are just extensions of TV nature programs showing animals hunting in the wild, but Krulwich fretted about the dangers
inherent in “giving robots a taste for (meat).”
Scientists have long observed male capuchin monkeys urinating on their hands and then rubbing
down their bodies, but researchers were unclear about
the purpose (whether for identification, or threat-prevention, or mating) -- until a recent issue of the American Journal of Primatology. Dr. Kimberly Phillips and
colleagues found that the practice helps clarify mating
priorities, in that, first, males rub down promptly after
being solicited by females in heat, and second, based on
MRI scans of capuchins’ brains, female mating activity
is triggered only by adults’ urine.
The Continuing Crisis
In May 2008, classroom disrupter Alex Barton, 5, was finally made by his teacher at Morningside
Elementary kindergarten in St. Lucie County, Fla., to
sit down and listen to the accumulated complaints of
his classmates, who then were asked to vote on asking
Alex to leave the class. (He lost, 14-2.) Shortly afterward, Alex was diagnosed with a form of autism, and
his mother filed a federal disability discrimination lawsuit, citing Alex’s “humiliation” by the voting incident.
A settlement was reached in February 2011 when the
school district agreed to pay Alex $350,000 (which included legal expenses). Said Ms. Barton, “Money can’t
take care of what (the school district) did to my family.”
Fine Points of the Law
Lawyer Terry Watkins admitted to a judge
in Faribault, Minn., in February that his client William Melchert-Dinkel did things that were “abhorrent,” “sick” and “creepy,” but that doesn’t make him
a criminal. Melchert-Dinkel has been charged with two
felonies for counseling depressed people online on the
techniques and virtues of suicide (for example, recommending positioning for a noose to a Briton who hanged
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 4
himself three days later). (A judge’s decision was pending at press time.)
People With Issues
Mental health practitioners, writing in the
January issue of the journal Substance Abuse, described
two patients who had recently arrived at a clinic in Ranchi, India, after allowing themselves to be bitten by cobras for recreational highs. Both men had decades-long
substance-abuse issues, especially involving opiates,
and decided to try what they had heard about on the
street. One, age 44, bitten on the foot, experienced “a
blackout associated with a sense of well-being, lethargy
and sleepiness.” The other, 52, reported “dizziness and
blurred vision followed by a heightened arousal and a
sense of well-being,” and apparently was so impressed
that he returned to the snake charmer two weeks later
for a second bite.
Least Competent Criminals
Recurring Theme: Another “negative cashflow” robbery occurred in February, in Kansas City,
Mo., as an unidentified man tried to distract the clerk at
a gun store by laying $40 on the counter to buy a box of
bullets, then pulling a gun and demanding all the store’s
money. The clerk thwarted the robbery by pulling his
own gun (not surprisingly, since it was a gun store) and
scaring the robber off -- while the $40 remained on the
counter.
Recurring Theme
From time to time a woman appears in the
news proudly displaying her years-long cultivation of
fingernail growth. This time it was Ms. Jazz Ison Sinkfield, a grandmother from Atlanta, who showed off her
hands for WXIA-TV in February. She admits some
handicaps from her 20- to 24-inch long nails that skew
and curl in seemingly random directions (e.g., no bowling, shoe-tying or computer work, and the expense of a
five-hour, $250 salon session each month), but claims to
be unfazed if people she meets find the sight of her nails
repulsive. Said Sinkfield, “Some people are jealous.”
21st-Century American Exports? In strife-torn Sudan
(land of the Darfur murder and rape atrocities and a
per-capita annual income of $2,200), an epic, year-long
Ponzi scheme engineered by a lowly former police officer has enticed nearly 50,000 victims to invest an estimated $180 million (according to a March dispatch on
Slate.com). At the height of the hysteria, even militia
fighters in Darfur rushed to invest. (As Bernard Madoff
was initially, perpetrator Adam Ismael is lounging comfortably under house arrest.) And in February, NPR
reported that the United States government will soon
be asked to bail out yet another bank that dramatically
overextended itself with bad loans -- and is now $900
million short: the Bank of Kabul in Afghanistan.
Cultural Diversity
The essential uniform of super-ambitious
Chinese businessmen nowadays includes a leather designer purse, reported the Los Angeles Times in a February dispatch from Beijing, and high-end sellers “can’t
believe their luck,” now that “(b)oth sexes in the world’s
most populous country adore purses.” The Coach company will have 53 stores in China by mid-year, and
Hermes and Louis Vuitton are so optimistic that they
built stores in less-obviously prosperous reaches of the
country. (Apparently, only authentic designer items lend
businessmen credibility. For the export market, China
remains a world leader in trademark-pirating knockoffs.)
The lower house of Russia’s parliament approved legislation in February to classify beer, for the
very first time, as an alcoholic beverage. Traditionally,
because of the dominance of the vodka industry, beer
has been regarded as closer to a soft drink.
Ewwww! The government of Malawi’s proposed environmental control legislation, introduced in
January, was thought by some advocates to be broad
enough to criminalize flatulence. The justice minister
said the section about “fouling the air” should cover extreme flatus, but the country’s solicitor general insisted
that only commercial air pollution was punishable.
Only 20 percent of Cambodians have access
to toilets (half as many as have mobile phones), and
missions such as International Development Enterprises
blanket the countryside to urge more toilet usage. In one
promotion campaign in Kandal province, according to
a February BBC News dispatch, an investigating team
called a public meeting and singled out (“amid much
laughter”) one particular farmer whom it had calculated
as producing the most excrement of anyone in the village.
THE VALLEY PLANET
Unemployed
in Huntsville
By Shawn Bailey
recently finished a long story/novella, depending
on your definition. It took me forever to write
and then rewrite it. Not that I spent an inordinate
amount of time researching and slaving over the next
Dicken’s-like work of literature. It’s just a short little
horror flick.
I
My excuse? I was writing. Yes, my writing is getting
in the way of my writing.
I write code. Like so many in Huntsville, I code for a
living. So that takes precedence over writing until I can
make a living out of the latter. The funny thing is, at the
root of that laborious word tree, they’re the same. You
type words on a screen (at least nowadays you probably
do). Then why are they so different? I had to think
this one out.
Short answer: coding introduces more functionality
into our schema of things.
Long answer: Let’s look at the W’s.
Who: Who can write? Anybody. Who writes good
well? The list shrinks. And it’s the same with code.
Anybody can shell out money to a college for a piece of
paper validating your skills, to a point, for both. And if
you spend your 10,000 hours doing either, then you’ll
be good at it. Although both forms of writing can be a
lonely venture, coding is usually more social, simply
because your code interacts with other code, written by
other people. So you need to communicate with those
people on occasion. And while on the one hand you
can sit down by yourself and write a best selling novel,
you can’t, on average, do that with software. And to
come up with something respectable, it takes a decent
amount of time and mental energy, no matter who you
are. Which brings us to the why. Why do either?
Why: Even in a flattening world, developers can
usually pay their bills. Writers, maybe. So then I have
to ask myself while I sit here and write this, “Why am
I writing this?” Theories on that can vary, and I really
don’t have an acceptable answer that doesn’t border on
cliché. I just know that for me it’s kind of like pooping
(I’m sure some of you will agree wholeheartedly with
the metaphor). If I don’t get the words out, if I’m not
regular, I get mentally backed up. I get IWS. Irritable
Writer Syndrome. And when I do finally spread my
writing cheeks, a fluid stream of consciousness like this
comes pouring out. So you might be sitting there and
wondering – how is it that we do do what we do?
How: For both, if you want to succeed, you read a lot
on your subject and spend a lot of time creating things
True BS
You Better Not Knock On Wood
by Tim Benton
here’s no plot here. No single subject that makes
for a fascinating column. Sometimes the brain
gets going and weird crap formulates — tired,
poor, huddled masses of inklings yearning to breathe
free.
T
Did you get that —the previous phrase about huddled
masses? That would be sorta clever, almost, if I hadn’t
plagiarized the living hell out of the inscription on the
Statue of Liberty, which goes:
“Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses
yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your
teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed
to me.I lift my lamp beside the golden door.”
Lovely words, but I have a bone or two to pick with this
turgid drivel. First of all, dogmatic grammarian snob
that I am, that should be “breathe freely” not “breathe
free.” Ever heard of an adverb, Mr. Inscriptor? Whoever
the dimwad was that wrote that ain’t got no learning. If
I recall, that statue came from France, so let’s say it’s
Jean Claude Pierre’s fault. But can you really blame the
French for a faulty translation to English? I mean, isn’t
the German Army still running things in Paris? Maybe
we’re lucky it doesn’t say “Achtung Amerika, send us
your army, we need help.”
THE VALLEY PLANET
your own mother wouldn’t hang on the refrigerator.
Every now and then forming a sentence or algorithm
that seems to stop the Earth itself from wobbling on
its axis. You smile, pat yourself on the back, and spin
around in your chair to find that there’s no roaring
crowd of adoring fans to cheer you on or even witness
your accomplishment. Which is fine, because you saw
everything align for a split second and make sense. And
that’s enough to keep you attacking the keyboard like
an epileptic chimp on speed. There does seem to be a
creative ceiling when coding to a set of logical rules.
With writing, there are no rules unless they are self
imposed. And if you code and write, your left brain
is constantly trying to attack and reorganize the right
brain. So, to answer both why and how, creative writing
is necessary to keep the balance. So we write and write
and write. And what do we have at the end of our day?
What: Words. We have a lot of words. We look over our
words to make sure they make sense. In software, you
can compile and run it. If it works, you get immediate
satisfaction. With writing, you may get 50 rejection
letters over a 2 year period before your work sees the
light of day. Of course, with respect to the final product,
if someone likes your book/article/short story, they can
look at the cover or header and see who is responsible.
You get credit. With software, nothing. Even if you
could put your name on a splash page, no one would
care. With a book, people can pour over your words
and enjoy them. With software, the only time someone
will look back at your code is if your code broke breaks.
In other words, you don’t even want people to have
to read your code. Once you’re finished with a book,
you’re finished. But code interacts with other code and
people always want extra functionality. The result is
that you are never finished coding. Imagine writing
that book... forever. Of course, you don’t have to worry
about someone hacking your story or poem, except
maybe an over-analytical college professor. And when
you’ve finished writing, you own what you’ve written.
Not usually so in the development world. Your baby,
the one that you’ve fawned over for weeks or months,
is wrapped, not in an attractive and stylish cover, but in
a .dll and given to complete strangers. There’s nothing
worse for a writer’s ego than anonymity. And that
brings us to the heart of the matter.
When: And this is where the right/left brain war spills
over into reality. All writers have a handy list of excuses
as to why they haven’t written. And there’s plenty of
self-help, inspirational articles out there explaining
away each and every excuse. But let’s face it, if you
spend 8 hours a day doing one, that doesn’t leave your
right brain with much time or energy to fight back. So
what to do?
I say keep writing until your writing doesn’t get in the
way of your writing. One way or the other.
Signed Unemployed (and writing when I can) in
Huntsville
But there’s a bigger problem here. Through Lady Liberty, we’re asking for immigrants who are tired, poor,
homeless, wretched refuse.
Do what? Excuse me, but aren’t those the same kind of masses who go straight to welfare, food stamps, Medicaid,
Medicare, disability, unemployment compensation, aid to dependent children, social security, urban renewal grants,
government housing, and taxpayer funded Carnival Cruises? Let’s rewrite that stone tablet to say “Screw your tired
and your poor. Give us your brilliant, your rich, your horny women.”
One time I was preparing for a beach vacation and remarked that it looked like we were going to have great weather.
Realizing that those words had tempted fate and would surely bring torrential rain to ruin our summer gala, I knocked
wood as a precaution. I actually stopped what I was doing and stepped over to a cabinet and knocked it. And then it
hit me. I suddenly felt like a freaking stupid, imbecilic moron dilweed for thinking that my weather prediction was
heard by an unseen power, perhaps the “Invisible Committee to Monitor Optimistic Human Utterances And Then
Turn Their Own Words Against Them By Bringing Upon The Poor Saps The Reverse of What They Had Hoped For
By Raining On Their Vacation and Generally Taking A Dump In Their Easter Baskets.”
Did I really think that The Committee heard my words about the weather and began whipping up a moist cold front
to slam Gulf Shores just as I arrived, but then abruptly cancelled the punishment because I was wise enough to atone
with a prompt knock on wood? I must have thought so, because I had knocked a lot of wood over the years as a
personal insurance policy against future bad luck.
I was embarrassed to realize I was such a superstitious nimrod, and resolved to do something about it. I renounced
my knock on wood and boldy redeclared that we would enjoy delightful vacation weather — a slap in the face of
irrationality and illogic by force of intellect.
It must have worked. For three days in Gulf Shores, it rained all over my intellectual ass.
But that had nothing to do with wood or the failure to knock it. And since that cleansing moment of clarity, I go out
of my way to not knock on wood and I silently laugh at anyone who does. You’re going to have a moment of truth
yourself regarding this same subject. The next time you start to knock on wood, you will remember what you read
here, and you too, will feel like an imbecilic moron. But what will you do about it?
Don’t knock that wood. Reject the voodoo, come on over and join us on The Enlightened Side. We are the few,
the proud, the unknockers of wood who tempt fate, live life on the edge, and sit on the balcony getting hammered
while it rains on the beach.
Email Tim at [email protected]
#032411041311
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 4
21
CRAWFISH BOIL ANNOUNCES
2011 LINEUP
STONE TEMPLE PILOTS, WEEZER, CEE LO GREEN, NELLY, SUBLIME WITH
ROME
BUCKCHERRY, CAGE THE ELEPHANT, DRIVIN N CRYIN, COLD, KO PEK
Plus DJ LOGIC, WICK-IT THE INSTIGATOR AND KIDSMEAL
ver 45,000 music lovers will flood downtown
Birmingham Friday and Saturday, April 2930 for performances from multi-platinum
rock, pop and hip hop acts at the 26th annual
Schaeffer Eye Center Crawfish Boil. Known for
drawing record-breaking crowds and high-energy
acts, this year’s event features a diverse list of
performers including Stone Temple Pilots, Weezer,
Cee Lo Green and Nelly.
O
Performing on the Virginia College Stage:
Friday, April 29
Weezer
Cee Lo Green
Sublime with Rome
Drivin N Cryin
DJ Logic
Hangout Festival is Making
Waves on Music Scene
by Fonda Davis
T
his year’s record breaking winter has generated many a dream of balmy sea breezes and warm sandy beaches,
no doubt. What might surprise some is how many of those dreams contain stages packed with internationally
known music stars and a soundtrack being played on radios across the country.
Welcome to the second annual Hangout Beach Music and Arts Festival in Gulf Shores, Alabama May 20-22, 2011.
This year’s acts include Paul Simon, Foo Fighters, My Morning Jacket, Flaming Lips, Black Keys, Cee Lo Green,
Girl Talk and many more. Like most major music festivals, Hangout is all about the music experience: four main
stages, a children’s stage, VIP upgrades. But unlike any other music festival, Hangout has a built in amenity that
mother nature provides for free – the beach. Says festival organizer and owner of The Hangout restaurant Shaul
Zislin “the beach is our biggest advantage and we try to incorporate it into as many things as we can, to use it in as
many ways as we can to enhance the experience.”
Last year’s inaugural festival was held just days after last year’s crippling gulf oil spill. According to Zislin, “we
literally didn’t know what was going to happen, whether we would have the permit (to hold the festival) 24 hours
beforehand.” But luckily acts like The Zac Brown Band, The Black Crowes, Alison Krauss and Union Station,
and Grace Potter and the Nocturnals were able to put on a great show and artists donated their profits to the Gulf
restoration project. Then just months later Jimmy Buffet announced he would hold a free concert to aid the Gulf
Restoration Project – on the beach. Soon after concerts by Brad Paisley and Bon Jovi followed.
Sublime with Rone
Saturday, April 30
Stone Temple Pilots
Buckcherry
Nelly
Cage The Elephant
ColdKo Pek
And Zislin is looking forward to using the lessons learned from last year’s Hangout Festival and the array of
“Concerts for the Coast” that he helped promote last year for the Gulf Restoration Project to take this year’s
Hangout Festival to new heights. The festival has a multi-year event permit granted by the city of Gulf Shores that
will allow the Hangout Festival to operate in their current location on the public beach until 2016. This will help
festival organizers in their goal of putting the Hangout Beach Music and Arts Festival on the national radar. Though
statistically, with tickets sold in 47 out of 50 states and a lineup that compares more than favorably with major
international festivals so far this year, the case could be made that the word is already out.
For more information on Hangout Beach Music and Arts Festival go to http://hangoutmusicfest.com.
The 2011 Schaeffer Eye Center
Crawfish Boil will be held outdoors at
the Birmingham Jefferson Convention
Complex (BJCC). Gates will open at
4:00 p.m. on Friday, April 29 and 2
p.m. Saturday, April 30. Single day,
weekend and Fuze VIP tickets go onsale Friday, March 18, online through
www.ticketmaster.com or at any
America’s First Federal Credit Union
location in the Birmingham area.
Weezer
Event organizers expect to serve over 10 tons of fresh Louisiana crawfish this year. Steaming hot plates of the spicy
Southern delicacy may be purchased for $10 a plate. Additional food and beverage options will also be available
for purchase at the event. VIP ticketholders will have access to a raised platform viewing area next to the Virginia
College stage, which offers an exclusive bird’s eye experience and tiered seating. Also available in the VIP area are
specialty cocktails and craft beers and all-you-can-eat crawfish.
New to the festival this year is an innovative laser light experience and DJ contest. A 28-foot-tall DJ booth will
tower over the crowds and project a state-of-the-art laser light show before the headline performances each night.
Nationally-recognized DJ Logic, Wick-It the Instigator and Kidsmeal will sustain the high-energy vibe from the DJ
tower between acts. Two guest DJs will win the opportunity to perform from the tower as part of the DJ challenge.
Trey Anastasio Band plays
the first annual
Hangout Beach Music and
Arts Festival May 2010
Festival-goers will also get a one-of-a-kind view with free rides from the 87-foot Coca-Cola Ferris Wheel, which
returns to the event with an environmentally friendly twist. Each person who recycles a Coca-Cola product upon
entry to the Crawfish Boil will be given a Coca-Cola Ferris Wheel Fast Pass and granted the privilege to skip to the
front of the line. There will also be a smoke-free zone at this year’s festival.
The Black Crowes play
the first annual
More information about this year’s event may be found at www.schaeffereyecentercrawfishboil.com. Fans may
also follow the event on Facebook and Twitter for special giveaways and contests. Videos from past years may be
viewed on the event’s YouTube channel at http://www.youtube.com/user/SchaefferCBoil.
Rodrigo y Gabriela play
the first annual
Thank you VP Readers and For You Years of Patronage
AND for Voting for Us
1st Place Most Romantic
1st Place Best Service
1st Place Fine Dining
1st Place Best Desserts
1st Place Special Occasion Restaurant
1st Place Best Happy Hour
1st Place Best Place for a Glass of Wine
1st Place Best Place for a Martini
1st Place Best Date Bar
2nd Place Best Restaurant Overall
3rd Place Tie Best Sunday Brunch
22
#032411041311
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 4
THE VALLEY PLANET
34th Annual
St. Patrick’s Day Parade !
A CLASSIFIED AD WITH THE VALLEY PLANET GETS YOU:
A line ad (up to 30 words) in print in the Valley Planet for one issue (3 weeks).
Internet ads for 3 weeks on The Daily Classifieds.com, CraigsList, LYCOS Classifieds,
Oodle, myspace classifieds, military.com, Google Base, (Real Estate classifieds will
additionally be on Google Maps Real Estate Listings, Zillow.com, trulia and Rentals
will also be on hotpads.com.) SERVICE INCLUDES DAILY VIEWER REPORTS.
ALL THIS FOR $40. Employment ads, Rentals, Items for Sale, etc…
Real Estate
Homes For Sale
View 100s of Real Estate & Open House Listings
TheDaily Classifieds @ www.ValleyPlanet.com
Athens, AL – Home For Sale
3 BR-2.5 Baths- 3 Acres
Teresa Osburn - Rise Real Estate
256-300-0028
Need a pet sitter? “If you’re not home to
play Mommy or Daddy, Auntie Jen will take
care of your furry family.” Detailed info at
auntiejenpetsitter.com, or call (256) 566-2020,
5am-9pm, 7 days/wk.
1 Hour Massage $50 Limited time only
Appointment only DayDreams Therapeutic
Massage, LLC Janie Day Owner/LMT
1428 Weatherly Rd Suite 108
Huntsville, AL 35803
256-270-9989
www.daydreams.abmp.com
Decatur – House
2BD – 1.5 Bath - $89,900
Helen Holland – 256-350-9676
ERA Ben Porter Real Estate
Pets
Huntsville- House
3BD –2Bath - $255,000
Philip Winburn – 256-797-4570
Rosenblum Realty
Sparky is an energetic little
boy! He loves playing with
his sparkle ball toy and flying around on his cat tree
but also really loves to be
held and ride around on
your shoulders. He loves
to snuggle with my other
cat. This gorgeous kitten
rescue is approximately 8
months old and has been
neutered and vaccinated.
For a $25 donation to a local animal non profit organization this beautiful boy could bring you endless
hours of laughter and happiness! Call 256-531-5846
after 5:30 pm
Madison – House
4BD – 5 Bath - $614,900
Thelma Dawson – 256-830-8900
Summit Realtors
Madison AL – Condo
2BD – 2 Bath - $79,000
Linda Bole – 256-508-9970
Rosenblum Realty
Send in your random encounters today. It’s FREE!!
We are putting all the categories together since it seems like there are always more jeers than anything else!!
But just to give you an idea of what the To Yuno from Yunohoos are about… I Saw you: but you didn’t catch
my name, You saw me or you think you were seen: Cheers: Pay your respect to those who deserve it and of
course Jeers: Frustrated? Tell us all about it. Thankfully, we don’t know who you are!
To send in your FREE ad
1. Keep your word limit to 40 words. No names, just initials if you want.
2. Meet the deadline.
3. Get it to us: Put “To Yuno from Yunohoo” in the subject line of the email and send to classifieds@
valleyplanet.com.
CHEERS to the hottie cashier at Home Depot on the Parkway!
T- I take it back. Nobody knows nuthin. Rock on dude.
LG- I’m sorry I screwed the pooch on the purloined letters. R.
Cheers to the young man at StarMarket 5 Points for listening.
Do you own a chihuahua? If so, I ‘ll bet you don’t know that everyone in the world hates the thing except you.
They are ugly, trembling, bug-eyed, shrill-yapping, ankle-biting little beasts.
The Valley Planet Music Exchange is FREE to any individual (not businesses) looking to
buy, sell, trade or find bandmates. You get a headline and 3 lines of text for FREE! Please
call (256) 533-4613 or email your ads to classifi[email protected].
Bayou Babes singing group looking for female singers to
sing harmony/lead. Think Old School Lionel Richey with an
accordion player and Cajun music. Also looking for accordion player, bass, conga drums and electric guitar. Signed
to a record deal. Playing in Nashville and Huntsville. 318
191-1995
HORN PLAYERS NEEDED! Local original band seeking
experienced horn players. Reggae, jazz, soul, blues, rock.
256.361.5524
New Age Folk: Wanting to mix Master P, NIN, WP, Indigo
Girls into 15 yrs of folk originals, accomplished baritone using simple rhythms. Smokers Only. [email protected]
Seeking a band or person: Experienced banjo/guitar
player seeking a band, person or persons to perform with,
preferably gigs but just to jam is good also. I also sing. Contact Tim at 281-650-2573 [email protected]
New band/project. Inviting all unique musicians. Do
you play guitar, any keyboard(s), bass, drums and/or, say,
tuba? Viola? Oboe? WaveDrum? Whatever!? Let’s get noticed! I play guitar, all keys, bass and mandolin. Will seek the
usual “wedding/corporate” as well as club gigs. All about
playing great stuff, regardless of source: good origs (mine?
yours?) and/or perhaps slightly more obscure but GREAT
covers (by Sting? Beck? ZZ Top? Whatever?!). Apologies
if my computer/phone problems interfered w/earlier talks.
Regardless - Lv msg at [email protected], or 831-3317006. Thanks! Joe
THE VALLEY PLANET
Drummer seeking open-minded musicians to join OR
to start a new project,arrange originals & play the local scene & beyond. Musically I’m very open but I’d prefer
alt rock/neo-grunge/post emo on the level of FooFighters,
Mutemath, Janes Addiction(great local band ‘Eyes Around’)
all the way to stuff like Tool, APC, NIN, The Cure, Dido, Tegan
& Sara to Portishead. Voyage2Infinity@hotmail or 256-2327505.Kirk
Lead Singer Wanted for BluEyedSoul Memphis/Huntsville Genre: Hip-Hop with a rock twist WHEN: HuntsvilleFriday January 28 & Memphis- Saturday January 29. Contact
Andrew Davis of Apollo Productions at [email protected] to schedule your audition. Space is limited
but we will do our best to accommodate all requests.
Guitar Player Wanted to accompany a local singer/songwriter who plans to focus on spiritual but NOT religious
music. Would like to start working on building up repertoire and eventually publish and hopefully tour Unitarian
Universalist churches. Must be willing to follow my lead yet
add new ideas or possibly collaborate in writing. Must enjoy
playing inspiring and hopeful, liberal, spiritual music. Please
contact Vanessa at 256-585-0260 or email me at nessabutterfl[email protected].
Original Country Band Forming. All instruments welcome, violin, pedal steel guitar, bass, etc. dpericks@gmail.
com. 256 652-9646. Dorvin.
S. Hey Secretary…you are the only one that can make my heart go boomboom!
LuKeisha - Girl f you kept all the guys in there that you saw last month, it’d look like a clown car unloading when
you let them out. JJ
I’m traumatized. I didn’t realize I played with dolls as a young boy. They told me they were “Action Figures.”
Mom and Dad, you lied.
Cheers to Lindsey – you are the Best!
Hey, Justin - Still wish you could p*** Leah T. now? We always thought you were a little not-funny-ha-ha.
B - You were right about who keyed your car. She has told several people she did it.
Earthquakes, floods, tornadoes, riots in the streets, our president - how much more proof do you need to know it’s
all going to go bang in 2012?
Do the world a favor: slap a Wisconsin Republican.
C- It was an accident. The thing just broke - and you furnished it. I’m not paying you a dime. P
J.P. If a certain someone doesn’t doesn’t start smoozing me bigtime , I’m telling.
Cheers to my BFF Taff Tich !! Thanks for always being there. muah-Bob
I think I am confused, but I am not sure and I cannot decide if I am. Anybody else have this problem if it is a
problem to begin with?
Need assistance, been working on first clue in hard crossword puzzle for days. 1 across - CLUE: What you are.
Letter figured out so far: r-e-t-_-r-d. Please help!
Cheers to the guy who jumped out of what I think was a D&L Lock and Key Vehicle to help strangers move their
car out of the road at 5pm at Oakwood intersection!
Original Rock band seeks bass player. For more info
please contact Philip: 256-658-4871
#032411041311
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 4
23
checking has
never been so
rewarding!
Redstone Rewards* is a free program through online banking
that lets you earn cash back on the things you already buy.
Click | to add offers to your debit card
Shop | with your card to redeem offers
Enjoy | cash deposited in your account
No points, no coupons, no hassles. You and Redstone –
Moving Forward Together!
*Must have online banking, checking account and debit card to participate. Restrictions may
apply. Rewards are provided by participating merchants. RFCU does not warrant, guarantee or
insure any product, purchase or service offered by participating merchants.
Must be eligible for membership. Contact us for more information. Federally insured by NCUA.
24
#032411041311
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 4
THE VALLEY PLANET

MARCH 24 - APRIL 13, 2011 IN THIS ISSUE: LawLer`s

Transcription

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