- Urbanización Dream Hills - Orihuela

Issue no. 86, 1st of April 2014.
Bienvenido a todos and welcome to the April edition.
It is still very dry here in this region of Spain. Although it has been a good start to the Spring, chilly strong north winds
are keeping the temperatures from being balmy. Lots of stormy weather and 8-metre waves in the north and there was
even a heavy fall of snow in Majorca.
Via Park III now welcomes some new faces with the opening of O’Neill’s Irish Bar, Los Lobos Bar & Restaurant and
a very welcome new Spanish cafe bar, Bar Kalimotxo. While driving past Zenia Boulevard the other day, I noticed the
new purpose-built structure next to it on the Via Park I side. I though it was going to be a car showroom, but it turned
out to be - you guessed it - just another Oriental supermarket. We are drowning in these wretched things!
It is probably appropriate to mention that Adolfo Suárez González has passed away. He was the first prime minister
of the democratic era, the man who guided the transformation of Spain after the Franco dictatorship. Suárez had also
served in the Franco government but made the transfer to a democratic one almost seamlessly. During his tenure he
built a broad consensus that enabled sweeping political, social, legal and economic reforms in just a few years. A truly
decent man, he deserves more space than I can give him here. Madrid’s Barajas airport is to be renamed Adolfo Suarez
Madrid-Barajas in his honour.
It is difficult to keep up with all that is happening in Spain at present; lots of new legislation, demonstrations, protests
etc. The recovery is still just a trickle and the levels of unemployment remain devastating. Although there appeared to
be some improvements in the home eviction arena last year, it now seems that the number of court-ordered home evictions
for non-payment of mortgages, rent or other legal reasons reached 67,189 last year, according to judicial statistics. This
is an average of 184 evictions a day in Spain!
The government commissioned a panel of ‘Wise Men’ to take a look at the whole question of fiscal reform in Spain.
When they reported, their findings were quietly rejected by the government. Although they submitted some good ideas
such as equalising Inheritance Tax throughout the regions, they also recommended the doubling of the IVA rate of 10%
to 21% and other dumb ideas which would only cause you to spill your cocoa while reading them. Their spokesman
admitted that most of his ideas had come from the recommendations of international bodies, the European Commission,
the International Monetary Fund and the OECD.
April 18, Good Friday, is a Red Day. April 21, Easter Monday’ is not a Red Day but is a ‘day of regional celebration,’
while April 28 is a local fiesta day in Torrevieja. Last month I stated that March 19, San Jose/Father’s Day was not a
Red Day. It wasn’t, but most of the shops were closed anyway! It may not have been a ‘Red Day’ but I had a red face!
Thanks to all who renewed their subscriptions and a great big hug or manly slap on the back, to all those who, in some
cases, donated some very generous amounts towards printing costs, which are now €290 per month: Muchas gracias a
Con & Pat; Alan & Tracy; Laurie & Pat; David & Ellen; Dave & Justina; Ann & Roger; Derrick & Elizabeth; Mr. &
Mrs Les B and Bob E.
Thanks also to those who wished Tid well in her op’. She is now recovering at home.
Happy St. Georges Day, April 23, 2014.
Wishing you all a great month. Mick & Tid.
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2
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Did you know that …….
…the New Guinea flatworm, Platydemus manokwari,
has been discovered in a hothouse in Northern France.
The problem is this flatworm is considered to be
among the top 100 of the ‘Worlds’s Most Invasive
Alien Species.’ Its discovery in France has set alarm
bells ringing, because if it were to spread it would
destroy the indigenous snail species and deprive the
‘frog-munchers’ of one of their favourite delicacies.
The French consume 33,000 tons of snails every year.
But of course the Spanish are also keen on their
caracoles, particularly in their paella. The New
Guinea flatworm is common around the Western
Pacific Rim and Northern Australia. It is the leading
cause of snail decay in over 15 countries. In Hawaii,
it is estimated that it has destroyed around 90% of the
750 species of land snails there.
… the traffic-fine discount of 50% for early payment
has now been extended from 15 to 20 days. Also, the
basic drink-driving fine is now €500, but if your
blood/alcohol level is double the permitted level then
the fine is €1,000. The fine of €1,000 also applies to
drug consumption.
…Aldi’s, next to Entre Golf & Dream Hills II, is
open on Sundays from 10 am to 3 pm.
… Amazon.es has launched a new service in Spain
allowing customers to collect parcels at 1,200 pick-up
points throughout the country. Customers will now
be able to choose between having their purchase
delivered to their home for the standard rate of €2.99
or else picking up the parcel themselves at their most
convenient pick-up point in terms of location and
opening hours. Amazon Prime customers can collect
their order free of charge. The pick-up points are part
of the Kiala network of UPS, some of which will be
open 7 days a week.
… as from the 7th of April, the cost of a UK passport
for Expats is due to be reduced to £83 for adults and
£53 for children. All overseas passports are now
issued in UK, and as a result a portion of the cost
savings in processing the paperwork centrally approximately 35% - have been passed over to the
applicant.
…Greece has the largest number of pharmacies per
capita? 97 for every 100,000 people. Spain comes in
at number six with 46 and the UK no. 24 with 21.6.
What is the difference between a barrow boy and a
dachshund?
The barrow boy bawls his wares on the pavement and the other……………has blue eyes.
What’s Up?
The proposed abortion legislation and the controversial draft
Citizens Security Law continue to attract considerable
criticism in Spain and abroad.
Tens of thousands were bussed into Madrid for a
demonstration on March 22/23. The protest was against a
whole range of issues from unemployment to corruption. It
was called the March of Dignity, but there was little of that to
be seen. Several riots developed but the anti-riot response
was poorly coordinated. Plain clothes policemen had to assist
their colleagues in several instances. The anti-riot police have
now demanded the resignation of their Chief Commissioner
and the Chief Inspector. It is worth taking a look at the
following link which shows some of the problems, with a
Barclay’s Bank branch getting a bit of a hammering. See link
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ieXrS3jvbUI#t=173
The problem with illegal migrants attempting to enter the
Spanish enclaves of
Mellila and Cueta in
North Africa is
becoming critical. In
mid-March 1,100
attempted to cross
the border into
Mellila, with 492
succeeding. The detention camp there is now holding four
times its supposed capacity. The Spanish border guards here
are almost powerless in the face of the border assaults; their
effective responses being restricted by their own government
and EU busybodies. The border guards are to be boosted by
an additional 100 police shipped from the mainland and the
heads of police in both Mellila and Cueta have been replaced.
Matters concerning the illegal migrants in Melilla has been
complicated by the discovery of meningitis in a 19-year-old
migrant. As a precaution 226 people who were in his vicinity
have also received medical attention. Although meningitis is
rare in Spain, it is much more common in parts of Africa. It
is hoped that the cramped conditions in the refugee centre will
not encourage its spread.
Spain's Constitutional Court has ruled that the sovereignty
declaration passed by Catalonia's regional parliament early
last year is unconstitutional. In a unanimous vote on Tuesday,
the highest court in the land ruled that the Catalan government
cannot continue with its plans to form separate institutions
based on this declaration of independence. The conservative
majority on the bench pushed to annul the declaration because
of its unconstitutionality while the liberal minority said the
statement was never legally binding, and the court should have
dropped the entire case in the first place.
The President of the Catalan Generalitat, Artur Mas, has
said ‘We don’t rule out a unilateral declaration of
independence.’ In response the General Secretary of the PP,
María Dolores de Cospedal, has described the comments by
Mas as ‘irresponsible and dangerous’. She went on to
guarantee the ‘unity and integrity of Spain’. In my opinion,
Mas has boxed himself into a corner on this independence
issue. He is attempting to distract from the real issues in
Cataluña such as the ever-worsening health service there. The
region has 180,000 patients on waiting lists. The waiting time
has been reduced to seven months, although 3,000 people have
been on the waiting list for three years!
Cataluña wants to charge the banks €26 million for empty
properties in the region. The Generalitat is designing a new
tax which will affect 15,000 empty properties which the banks
have in 70 Catalan municipalities. If the Generalitat detect a
‘strong demand’ in a particular municipality then the tax will
be applied. The Generalitat state that there are around 40,000
empty properties in Cataluña. The proposed introduction of
this new tax is interesting as when pro-Independence Artur
Mas, the Regional Premier took control, one of the first things
he did was to throw out a law introduced by the previous
Socialist-led coalition that forced banks to rent empty homes.
3
When we moved to Spain over 10 years ago, one of the
first things that struck me was the Spaniards’ love and
dependency on the mobile phone. Everybody had a ‘mobile’
and it was not long before the town hall excesses in using
them became apparent. Most notable of these was
Torrevieja, where a number of town hall officials were forced
to resign, one an Olympic gold medalist who, it was alleged,
spent copious hours watching trans-sexual naughties! But
in early March, Alicante Town Hall jumped into the ‘mobile’
spotlight. It seems this town hall has about 2,000 civil
servants who ‘work’ there. But the office also has 652
mobile phone lines and that is not counting the employees
own private mobile phones or the fixed telephone lines.
Telefonica were awarded a two year contract in the sum of
€1.5 million for the service. Vodafone have now taken the
town hall to court saying that there was no competition for
the contract and that ‘it is clearly prejudicial to cost savings.’
They want the contract cancelled and a new tender process
started.
The Supreme Court has placed a limit on the Government’s
plans to use the unemployed to carry out social works in the
regions of Spain. Some regions are doing this already but
the Supreme Court highlights a problem. The unemployed
who do social work will be given some funding, but they are
taking up posts which should be for workers on a fixed
contract. The Supreme Court therefore considers that the
unemployed may only do ‘punctual work’ in public
administration. And if you can guess what that is, go to the
top of the class. Maybe they could be used for counting the
bribe money of public officials and banking it.
The Spanish Federation of Hospitality and Catering
estimate that approx. 27 bars, cafes & restaurants close down
every day. Between the years 2008 and 2013 bar and
restaurant sales have decreased by an average of 22%,
leaving all but the most popular bars in affluent areas in a
precarious financial position. However, even before the
downturn of the economy, Spain had an estimated 350,000
cafes and bars - or one per 132 head of population. By 2014
the ratio had increased to one bar for every 155 residents.
Italian luxury sports car maker Ferrari has announced that
it will open a 100-million-euro amusement park in 2016 with
rides and a five-star hotel in Spain, its first such venture in
Europe. It will be located within the PortAventura resort
near Barcelona, and will
feature Europe's highest
and fastest "vertical
accelerator", a driving
simulator, restaurants,
and a 250-room five-star
hotel.
Ferrari have
already
opened
a
successful amusement
park in Abu Dhabi in 2010, with some of the world’s fastest
rides. See image.
Lidl’s is to increase its investment in Spain to €180 million
this year. This will create a further 400 new jobs.
‘It’s been a rough day. I got up this morning,
put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked
up my briefcase and the handle came off. I’m
afraid to go to the bathroom.’
Rodney Dangerfield
Social Security Sex.
Benny was in conversation with his friend Victor. ‘So
Victor, how’s your sex life?’
‘Oh, nothing special,’ replied Victor, ‘I’m having Social
Security Sex.’
‘Social Security Sex?’ said Benny, ‘What’s that?’
‘You know, Benny, you get a little each month, but not
enough to live on.’
4 What’s Up? continued
The Government’s limitation of Universal Law has been approved
by the vote of the PP. It means that the Spanish National Court can
only judge in Madrid serious crimes committed outside Spain when
it affects the Spanish or its nationals. All the opposition groups in
Congress opposed the decision but the PP prevailed in a vote earlier
this month by 179 votes to 163. Many opposition lawmakers have
described the measure as a “dark day for human rights.”
The European Court of Justice has said the ‘cent for health’
(céntimo sanitario) - a surcharge the government is placing on
medicines, is illegal. That means that those prejudiced by the law
can reclaim at the National Court the return of the 13 billion € taken
by this tax in total. They can do so as an individual or collectively.
See also page 15 for decision as it relates to petrol.
Five men, all Colombians, have been arrested in Elche and
accused of stealing 90,000 pairs of shoes from various warehouses.
70,000 pairs have now been recovered. Three of them were caught
inside one of the warehouses and put up a hell of a fight before
‘being subdued.’
More than 51,000 Spaniards had signed up to the British Social
Security System up to September 2013. Data from the National
Statistics Office shows only Poland has sent more immigrants to
Britain than Spain. The Spanish number of 51,370 is up by 38,080
over the previous year as the unemployment level in Spain is 26%
and in Britain around 7%. The National Statistics Office says the
reason the Spaniards change residence is for work and the crisis
and unemployment in the south of Europe. Similar increases have
also been seen by the Portuguese (39,120) and Italy (44,110). The
data does not count the number of Spaniards who returned home
in 2013. Figures show many Spaniards return home after a few
years working in the UK, most of them in the hostelry sector.
A 49-year-old man was found dead in a lift in a block of flats in
the Alicante Town of Xàbia. The corpse was clad only in
underpants and in a ‘strange position.’ It seems his legs were ‘up
in the air.’ . The man died from natural causes but probably did
so in a nearby ‘club’ (knocking-shop). It is believed the ‘workers’
there moved the body to avoid problems with the police. It looks
like he may have died ‘on the job!’ A forensic team are investigating.
La Opinón in Málaga has reported that the courts are overloaded,
and that penal cases have to wait until 2016 to be heard. Lack of
staff and the volume of the work are to blame.
Spain has granted asylum to 12 translators from the Afghanistan
army. This is a great idea as their life expectancy after the foreign
troops go would not be worth a cent. I wonder if the US and the
UK military do the same? I doubt it.
Informacíon in Alicante reports the ex-Mayor’s of Novelda’s
chauffeur is being sent to prison for keeping €24,000 which was
supposed to be given to the organisers of the Christmas procession
of the Three Kings. He’ll get no present this year! You would also
wonder why a mayor of a town with just 27,000 people needs a
chauffeur.
The Spanish Government has signed freedom of access
documents with three fiscal havens. Jersey, Guernsey and the Isle
of Man, who will renounce banking secrecy when the United
Kingdom says so.
Spanish customs officials boarded a ship 30 miles south east of
Malaga and seized 12 tons of hashish. In this particular area 75
tons has been seized during the last 10 months. A week of morning
has been declared in Amsterdam and Manchester.
A deputy for the United Left has revealed that the Valencian
government has paid an estimated €392 million to a number of
football teams in the region between the years of 2003 and 2013.
€40 million related to sponsorship of jerseys and billboards; €118
million related to loan guarantees and €233 million was paid on
behalf of a television channel to transmit matches. Well, it’s not
like you taxes were being wasted, is it?
The Spanish Ambassador to
the Democratic Republic of the
Congo, Antonio Fernández de
Mazarambroz (right), was
removed from his post last
month after the discovery of an
alleged web of corruption in his
own embassy. He has been in
the post since May 2012, but it
is now alleged that he has been
selling visas for around $4,000
each to Congolese nationals who
wished to travel to Spain. This is not the first time that
Fernandez de Mazarambroz has been embroiled in a
scandal with passports in the background. In 1987,
when he was consul in the Moroccan city of Nador, he
was also dismissed. He also featured in an ‘incident’
with the female relative of a military officer which
sparked a formal protest from the Ministry of Defence
to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. There were also
many allegations and official complaints concerning the
constant presence of Moroccan subjects of dubious
reputation at the offices in Nador.
The disgraced former president of the Spanish
Employers Association, Díaz Ferrán (photo), is
gradually finding that the assets he thought he
had ‘spirited away’ are now coming back into
the prosecutors net. Shortly before his
arrest, he attempted to to put his home
in Mallorca in his brother’s name. The
courts cancelled the transaction and
have now sold the property for €7.06
million. Around €4 million will go towards the
mortgage and various fees and expenses, the remainder
being divided among his creditors. Ferrán who has been
in jail since December 2012, concealed his assets to
prevent 10,000 creditors from collecting more than the
estimated 400 million he owed them, stemming from
the collapse of his defunct Viajes Marsans travel agency
and other businesses he had owned. Prosecutors have
traced some €88 million in assets and properties –
including luxury apartments in New York – in his name.
A 78-year-old and a 67-year-old have been changed
after serving up a marijuana-laced cake to several
unsuspecting friends. Three of the group were later
treated by doctors but there were no serious side-effects
experienced after eating the cake. Other than eating
everything in the fridge and making annoying phone
calls to their children!
Five mountaineers lost their lives in two separate
incidents in the Sierra de Gredos mountain range near
Ávila in the region of Castile and León, during a single
weekend in March. Three of the five plunged to their
deaths dur to a 450-metre fall. In another tragic
accident, two fishermen were drowned and six are
missing after their 35-metre fishing vessel ran aground
on an island off the coast of Asturias. The crew were
asleep and the vessel was on autopilot. There was only
one survivor.
A sixteen-year-old was refereeing a football match
between six- and seven-year-olds when he was attacked
by a couple of fathers, aged 27 and 29. One held the
referee down while the other punched him in the face
and ribs. The young referee suffered damage to his
cornea and possible broken bones in his face. The
incident happened in León, which already has a bit of a
reputation for referees. About two weeks earlier, three
Jewish Mama.
of its referees had to ask for police and Civil Guard
On her birthday, Naomi’s mother gave her two silk scarves - one pink, protection during their matches. Association officials
one blue. On the Sabbath she went round to her parents, wearing have said they will not send any of their referees to one
her smartest dress and the pink scarf. Her mother took one look at of the weekend’s local matches to protest against the
escalating violence.
her and said: ‘So you don’t like the blue scarf?’
5
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How do you know when you’re at a redneck wedding? - Everyone is sitting on the same side of the church.
6
Local News
Six of the 12 PP councillors in Orihuela are now being investigated
by the courts for alleged ‘dodgy-dealings.’ This does not mean that
they are all guilty of course. The courts will decide. A previous PP
mayor of Orihuela, Medina, was investigated at length and found
to be innocent of the charges. What is also interesting however, is
that the current minority local government of Greens and Socialists,
have allegedly spent €150,000 of taxpayers money bringing these
accusations to court. But as usual, it is the lawyers who are laughing
all the way to the bank on this one. The devil looks after his own!
Work on the Parque Reina de la Sal in Los Balcones continues.
Altogether it is turning into a quite impressive development. Part
of the new works will include a specially planted area to highlight
the native plants of Spain. If you are in the area, do take a look.
Whereas the Salt Queen Park (Parque Reina de la Sal), has been an
excellent achievement for Torrevieja, one wonders what happened
with some of the other projects in the town. Firstly, a purpose built
development to house 88 disabled individuals was completed in
2011 at a cost of €4.6 million of state
funds. The complex (photo) has been
vacant and unused since then as neither
the town nor the region can afford to
operate it and the private sector has no
interest in it at the moment. So why the
heck did they ask for it to be built in the
first place? Secondly, if you go to Los Balcones and look at the
massive development which faces the Alingui restaurant in the
Filton Centre, you will wonder why it has been left vacant for so
many years although it did get a facelift and a re-launch a few years
ago. Originally planned as retirement flats, it was later supposed to
be a convalescent centre for stroke victims. All in all, how
shockingly wasteful for the most disadvantaged in our society.
The owner of a petrol station in the centre of Orihuela was robbed
of €26,000 on March 18. The man had just taken the money out of
his account at the bank in an envelope. But when he got to his car
two villains who had been watching the bank for likely targets
approached on a motorbike, smashed the window of the car and
grabbed the envelope. The unfortunate man tried to chase the couple
on the bike but crashed his own car into another within a few
seconds. One of the thieves lost his helmet at the scene, so the police
should be able to extract some clues from it.
Two men, a 29-year-old Spaniard and a 39-year-old native of
Madagascar, were arrested in nearby Almoradí on suspicion of the
theft of electricity cables for the copper. It seems the men were
caught red-handed actually stripping the cables. The men had
carelessly left the stripped insulation lying around on waste ground
so the police just maintained surveillance on the area. The cables
were stolen from the AP-7 motorway by San Javier airport, as well
as from the street lighting in Almoradí and other local towns.
Three Bulgarians, aged between 23 and 46, were arrested by
Guardia Civil in Torrevieja for crimes against workers’ rights or
what I would call ‘slavery.’ The Bulgarians encouraged their
country people to come to Spain on a promise of €40 a day and help
with renting apartments. When they arrived they were dumped into
overcrowded flats in Torrevieja and forced to pay deposits. Their
identity documents were taken, ostensibly to complete their
contracts, which of course were never completed, but the documents
were still retained. They were then forced to work nine hours a day
in the fields and rarely paid more than €20 a day. Sometimes it took
over two hours for them to arrive at their workplace, where they
were then charged €6 for the bus fare!
The La Albentosa Park next to the Las Lagunas Nature Park
between La Mata and Torrevieja was closed due to an infestation
of the processional caterpillars. The strong winds we have
experienced lately have blown their nests to the ground. At least
one school trip to the park has been cancelled.
The Viking!
Thor comes to Britain and picks up a lovely young lady. After a night of all
kinds of vigorous Norse sex, he turns to her, beats his hairy chest and says
"I'm Thor!"
"Tho am I, thilly, but wathn't it great?” she replies.
The 10th Torrevieja Tapas Trail/Tour runs from April
3 to April 13 but only between Thursdays and Sundays.
Participating outlets will be required
to offer two different tapas. The set
price for the standard tapa including a
small beer, wine or refreshment will
be €2, whilst the price of a gourmet
tapa has been set at €2.50.
(Presumably the ‘gourmet’ tapas are the ones the waiter
keeps his thumb out of or else they contain an anchovy!)
No details yet of the participating outlets but they
should appear on www.turismodetorrevieja.com in due
course. I notice that the outlets who want to take part
in the trail have to pay €50 to the municipality, which
is a bit steep. Many of the tapas around this area are
‘much of a muchness.’ Generally unimaginative with
the ‘heated’ ones usually delivered lukewarm. Lets
hope these events raise the bar a bit. Once while eating
some indiscernible grey tapa in a bar in La Murada, I
asked the waiter what it was? “Brain… Piiig,” he
replied. Oh lovely!
Well you would think you would be fairly safe going
out for a meal and drink in Torry watching the world
pass by on the streets. But not for these two chaps - a
46 and 64-year-old, who were quietly sipping their
Soberano outside their
favourite bar on the
evening of March 22.
A car, being driven
far too fast, crashed
into the seating
area scattering tables
and chairs and
injuring both men.
I can imagine the
older guy turning to
the 46-year-old and
saying ‘Fu*k me! That last drink had a bit of a kick,
didn’t it?’ They were later treated in Torrevieja
Hospital for fractured ribs and other injuries but were
allowed home the next day, no doubt to probably
embellish the tale - “It was a truck driven by a mad
Turk!!” The driver was taken to the police station
where her blood alcohol level was more than five times
the legal limit.
The former socialist mayor of nearby Bigastro, José
Joaquín Moya, ‘appropriated’ €96,000 of public money
between 2005 and 2008, relating to IOU’s issued by
the council without any supporting evidence. Two
others are also accused. Moya has already been
disqualified for 15 years from holding public office for
convictions relating to irregular procedures in urban
management. Dare I say that it is ‘refreshing’ to see
that politicians other than the PP have been caught with
their fingers in the till?
In Alicante, around 4,500 jobless in the city have
asked for an advance of their unemployment money so
that they can start up a new business.
Local newspapers carried a story relating to a woman
who is suing an Alicante hospital claiming that her
husband lost all interest in sex after her husband had an
operation there. A hospital spokesman responded, ‘The
gentleman was admitted for cataract surgery. All we
did was correct his eyesight!’ This is not a joke!
Fatal Typo!
A man received an e-mail from his neighbour which said:
"Sorry Jim, but I have been taking advantage of your wife...
day and night whenever you’ve not been at home. In fact,
probably more than you. I’m confessing now because I feel
really guilty. I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies.
I will ask your permission in the future."
Upon reading this, Jim gets his gun and without uttering a
word he shoots his wife.
A few minutes later he receives another e-mail: “Sorry Jim:
I meant ‘wifi,’ not ‘wife.’”
(Lee Bell)
7
LIME BAR
VIA PARK III
ALL SPORTS ON 7 LARGE SCREENS!
CATCH 3 GAMES AT 4pm EVERY SATURDAY!
SLIMMER’S WORLD EVERY MONDAY AT 11.30am.
MON & THURS AT 9PM DOMINOES & CRIB NIGHTS
FRIDAYS AT 9PM
FUN QUIZ NIGHT
WITH MEAT RAFFLE,
STAND-UP BINGO &
PLAY YOUR CARDS RIGHT!
JOIN THE LIME BAR
GOLF SOCIETY
& FISHING CLUB
Happy Hour Mon - Fri 3 ‘til 7 pm
Tel: 659 899 831
SUNDAYS.
8:00pm
2 FLAMENCO
GUITARISTS.
F
W REE
i- F
i!
LIME BAR GOLF SOCIETY, LOS ALTOS, ORIHUELA COSTA
The golf societies venue for the 12th March 2014 was held at Peraleja Golf Course.
On a rare windy cold morning morning 20 members assembled at the tee, the course proved to be challenging in the
strong wind, but did not deter some interesting golf being played and enjoyed.
The competition was in the Stapleford format and the scores recorded are as follows:
Nearest the Pin in 2 on the 10th Hole (par 3) was Mike Slater.
Nearest the Pin in 2 on the 9th hole (par 3) was Nev. Greenwood.
Nearest the pin on the 12th hole (par 3) was Dave Everson.
Nearest the pin on the 17th hole (par 3) was Mylie Mc Vittie.
Silver Class 3rd place was Nev. Greenwood with a score of
30 points.
Silver Class 2nd place was Barry Sawyer with a score of 31
points.
Silver Class 1st place was Dave Everson with a score of 34
points.
Gold Class 3rd place was Mylie Mc Vittie with a score of 24
points. ( on count-back)
Gold Class 2nd place was Arthur Jones with a score of 25
points.
Gold Class 1st place was Mike Slater with a score of 29 points.
A very good day in pleasant company; thank you to Captain Mick Slater for organising the event and mentioning Mick’s
wife Angie who helps considerably behind the scenes. Also thanks to the Staff at The Lime Bar and ladies for a most
enjoyable meal. Anyone wishing to join our friendly society just needs to phone Mick on 659866468.
Stay!
My wife pulled into a crowded parking lot and partly rolled down the car windows to make sure the Labrador retriever had
fresh air. The dog was stretched out on the back seat, and she wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. My
wife walked to the curb backwards, pointing her finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me?
Stay!" The driver of a nearby car gave her a startled look. "I don't know about you, lady," he said incredulously. "But I usually
just put the hand brake on."
8
INHERITANCE TAX (IHT) PART 6, WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW. Can you mitigate or avoid paying the tax?
First of all, if you are a married resident couple with total assets of around €300,000 and one of you ‘pops your clogs’,
then the surviving partner and inheritor should have little or no inheritance tax to pay. Gay married resident couples enjoy
the same IHT privileges as heterosexuals. However, if you are an unmarried resident couple, the IHT payable can be
substantial and this tax has of course to be paid within six months.
Avoidance & Mitigation.
Unless the IHT you may be liable for is substantial, it is probably best to just ‘bite the bullet’ and arrange for payment of
the tax. I outline below some of the methods used to mitigate the tax payment, some legal and some not.
• In the previous issue we looked at the four and a half year statute of limitations on inheritance tax. This is where the
inheritor ‘accidentally discovers’ the will after the limitation period. But if the tax authorities decide that you have deliberately
withheld the declaration, they will fine you 25% of the actual tax payable.
• Some believe that giving a power of attorney to a person to sell the property after one dies is a way of escaping the IHT.
However, as in the UK and many other countries, a power of attorney dies with its maker in Spain. Some people have failed
to inform the authorities of the death and then proceed to sell the property under power of attorney. If it is done quickly, the
authorities are unlikely to detect it but it is against the law. Further, if say cousin Harry has a reason to protest such a sale,
it can be annulled as a fraudulent act later.
• Neither is it a solution to gift the property to your inheritors while you are still alive. The actual law is called the Law of
Inheritance and Gifts and the Spanish gift tax is exactly the same as the IHT.
• If the tax is expected to be substantial then a family corporation or trust can be established with the family wealth passing
into the company/trust. Then if one member of the family dies, there is a simple reorganisation of the board and a transfer
of some of the shares attracting very little taxation.
• Equity release and obtaining a loan against your property is also an option. As the loan is a charge against the property
when one dies, the IHT payable is greatly reduced. But there are many other elements which should be considered with this
option, and it is not something one should jump-into until all the pro’s and con’s have been researched.
• Another method regularly advertised by a single company in the local free press is the strategy of investing your Spanish
property in a new UK company. The property then becomes a UK company asset and any any transfers between a husband
and wife in the UK are tax exempt. Okay, this is a simplified explanation but annual accounts would still have to be compiled
and submitted to the authorities. It is not inconceivable that the various company expenses/charges over several years might
exceed the IHT payable anyway! There is also the danger that the Spanish might introduce retrospective legislation. It is
also worth noting that an off-shore company (not a UK registered company)
TRANSPORT SERVICES
attracts a 3% tax on the asset annually in Spain. It can also be argued that the
Costa Blanca
former arrangement with the UK registered company should be entered in the
asset declaration Form 720 if you are a Spanish resident.
In these six articles, we have taken a deeper than usual look at some of the issues
which surround the Spanish Inheritance Tax. It is true to say that it is
discriminatory towards non resident property owners in Spain. Hopefully the
European Court of Justice, which is investigating this, will stop dragging its heels
and give a judgement. But then will the Spanish government abide by it?
Registered Business Despite all this, it is very important you make a Spanish will. See ad on page 9.
Fully Insured
If you wish to discuss the ramifications of the tax on you, do so with a competent
8 Passenger Mini-bus
lawyer. Where you see ‘Legal Services’ offered, avoid it unless there is a
Fully Air Conditioned
qualified lawyer in attendance. Normally they are just clerks!
Available 7 days a week
A penny for your thoughts.
A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, gazing
out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently. Then finally the girl looked
at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was a-thinkin' Brenda... perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek.
Then he blushed. The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
Minutes passed and the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was a-thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time for a wee cuddle, Brenda."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds. Then he
blushed. And the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
After a while, she again said, "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time you let me put my hand on your leg."
The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee. Then he blushed. Then
the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch before the girl spoke again.
"Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
The young man glanced down with a furled brow. "Well, noo," he said, "noo, my
thoughts are a wee bit more serious this time, Brenda."
"Really?" said the lass in a whisper, starting to fill with anticipation.
"Aye," said the lad, nodding.
The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit her lip in anticipation of this
ultimate request………….
He then said, "Dae ye nae think it's aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?"
Pete Dudman
AIRPORTS
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OTHER NEWS STORIES
Ruskies: The Russians spent €213 million on the Costa Blanca in 2013,
31% more than in 2012. This year another 150,000 ‘Ruskies’ are expected.
The reason the Costa Blanca is so popular is the regular flights which go
from Alicante-Elche to Moscow, San Petersburg and Siberia, and the deals
now being done by Russian Travel Agents with hotel chains in Spain.
However, this is still ‘small potatoes’ compared to the Brit’s. However
trouble in the Ukraine is expected to slow down the traffic from Russia.
Becker in the Sh*t!: Former tennis star Boris Becker has had his holiday
villa on the island of Majorca confiscated by Spanish authorities after not
paying a builder's bill of €391,000. The court's decision stems from unpaid
carpentry, plumbing and surfacing bills for a basketball court on Becker's
now former property. His lawyer's claim that it was the real estate agent
who sold the villa to Becker who was accountable for the bills, was rejected
by the judge. The heavily indebted Becker, now 46 and coaching world
number two Novak Djokovic, purchased the property on the Spanish island
of Majorca 17 years ago. It nearly went under the hammer in 2012 in a
similar case involving a €276,162 bill owed to a local gardener. On that
occasion, the former number one tennis star coughed up the sum to keep a
hold of his holiday home. Becker will now also have to pay an extra €24,000
in court fees and interest. (Source: 20 Minutos)
Stolen/Lost Passports: More UK passports are lost or stolen in Spain than
in any other country across the world. Interpol’s Stolen and Lost Travel
Documents database reveals that 5,605 UK passports went missing in the
country between 2012 and 2013 alone. In second place is the USA, where
a significantly fewer, 1,539 were lost in the same period.
Tragedy: A fire in the early hours of March 26, tragically killed four
Moroccan children between the ages of 12 and 3 in a small town in
Tarragona. All the children were born in Spain. The father, mother and
two other children survived. The family had previously been evicted from
the flat, but had returned illegally.
Child Poverty: The charity Caritas Europa has released a study which
shows that the politics of austerity has failed to solve any social problems
and that the risk of a child under 18 living in poverty in Spain has now
increased to 30%, nine points higher than the European average. The only
country with a worse rating is Romania. The report also mentions a study
in the British Medical Journal, which alerts that austerity produces more
cases of HIV and tuberculosis, adding if the austerity measures continue
Spain could see an effective dismantling of the Health Service, bringing
significant damage to the population.
Citizen Safety Law: As was expected, Spain’s legal watchdog has
unanimously approved a report that finds parts of the government’s
controversial Citizen Safety Law “unconstitutional.” In doing so, the
General Council of the Judiciary (CGPJ) joins other state bodies, political
parties and social groups that have condemned the draft legislation, which
would introduce much tougher penalties for those partaking in street
demonstrations or involved in activities considered to constitute public
disorder. Presented in November, the bill includes fines of up to €30,000
for shouting slogans or carrying signs “that are harmful or abusive to Spain
or any region” during a protest. It also focuses heavily on breaking up street
demonstrations, and grants private security guards with the power to help
the police in this task. Critics say that the legislation seems tailor-made
for the Popular Party (PP) government to quell public displays of citizen
discontent over its handling of the economic crisis and the corruption cases
that have come to light over recent years. The Interior Ministry has now
said that it is willing to make changes to the Fernández law – as it is
popularly referred to, after Minister Jorge Fernández Díaz – to ensure all
aspects of it are fully constitutional.
Bad Driving Habits:
France's VINCI Autoroutes foundation
commissioned the survey to compare the driving habits of the Swiss, British,
Belgians, French, Germans and Spanish. 63% of horn-happy Spanish
motorists were found to honk at other drivers who irritate them, compared
with a more restrained average of 47%. I can confirm this one. Every trip
to the airport is an adventure, allowing ample observation of Spanish
impatience while driving and while waiting at traffic lights. If you dare to
wait just one and a half seconds at a changing traffic light - you will be
honked! They were also more likely to insult fellow road-users (59%
compared with the average of 56%) and overtake on the right-hand-side on
motorways (35% compared with 28% elsewhere in Europe). These three
hot-blooded habits, however, were the only ones of the twelve surveyed in
which Spaniards were worse than average, leading VINCI to note that they
"adopted fewer risky behaviours behind the wheel" than other nationalities.
9
MAR SERVICES
Specialising in taxes & advice for
Non-residents and residents at
Excellent rates.
Wills
Contracts
Translations
Notary visits, Rental agreements
Taxes, Utility bills on-line
Non-Resident Taxes
Residencia applications
Based locally.
Native English &
Spanish Staff
Visit www.marservicesspain.com
Or call 0034 658 549 029
A warm welcome awaits you at
SUN
BAR & GRILL
Eat in or Take-Away
OPEN 7 DAYS 10:30AM-11:30PM
Special offers: Homemade Fresh Food
Chicken Tikka Wrap, salad, sauce €4.20!
E Breakfasts, Pizzas, Pies,
IL
OB PS!Burgers, Kebabs, Wings.
M -U
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Only €2.50!
Bingo & Quiz Nite Sat. 9pm
Tel: 966 848 667 & 672 804 905
Via Park V
2GB INDIAN RESTAURANT
& TAKE AWAY
SPECIAL OFFER
W
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6PM - 11PM
ANY STARTER, ANY MAIN COURSECHOICE OF PILAU OR PLAIN RICE OR
NAAN PLUS ICE CREAM OR COFFEE.
ONLY €9.95! (EAT IN ONLY)
Via Park V OPEN 6pm - 12am
966184951 & 632199167
Husband takes his wife to a disco. There's a guy
on the dance floor living it large - break dancing,
moon walking, back flips, the works.
The wife turns to her husband and says: "See that
guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned
him down."
Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!!!
Brian H.
10
IA
AR
V
A
E B € 2 .0 0 !
G
R
LA RAFT LES
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BO ST €1
JU
VIA PARK III
HAPPY HOUR 3 - 7pm
Mon - Friday only.
Pints: Bavaria €1.50
John Smith’s €2.00
San Miguel €1.50
Magners €2.50
Can: Flavoured Cider €2.
COMPREHENSIVE MENU FEATURING EVERYTHING
FROM GREAT STEAKS, LAMB & GAMMONS
TO CURRIES, BURGERS AND FISH & CHIPS
HOMEMADE CHIPS, NEVER FROZEN!
BREAKFASTS FROM JUST €3 WHICH INCLUDE O.J. OR TEA OR COFFEE!
STEAK MEAL DEAL FOR TWO JUST €22 INCL. BOTTLE OF WINE OR CAVA !
IF YOU ARE REALLY, REALLY HUNGRY THEN TRY OUR OMG MENU.
COME AND TRY OUR FAMOUS SUNDAY LUNCH MAIN COURSE JUST €5.50!
BINGO! EVERY WEDNESDAY & SATURDAY AT 2 PM. COME EARLY!
WEDNESDAY NIGHT FUN QUIZ
INCLUDING STAND-UP BINGO
AND PLAY YOUR CARDS RIGHT!
SATURDAY NIGHT KARAOKE!
BBQ RIB-NIGHT SATURDAYS!!
6 oz. SIRLOIN STEAK, ½ RACK OF RIBS AND ALL THE TRIMMINGS!
ONLY €20 PER COUPLE. BOOKING ESSENTIAL!!
RACE NIGHT THURSDAY APRIL 10!!
FROM 1 - 4pm, CHOICE OF SOUP & SANDWICH,
PLUS TEA OR COFFEE ONLY €5!
WINTER WARMER - 3 COURSES - SERVED 4 - 8pm.
Only €7.95!!!
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BOTTLES OF BUD, MAHOU, JUST €1.30
HOUSE SPIRITS €2.50; BRANDED SPIRITS €3.00!
For bookings telephone 968 972 906 or 637 046 438.
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SPECIAL OFFER TO READERS OF THE DREAM SCENE FROM CK1!
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NO VARIATIONS; EXTRA VOUCHERS CANNOT BE EXCHANGED FOR EXTRA WINE!
CUT-OUT AND PRESENT WITH ORDER.
Two old ladies go to the zoo and see an angry male elephant with a huge erection. The elephant is rampaging round the
enclosure, stamping its feet and trumpeting through its trunk. One of the old ladies turns to the other and says, ‘Gracious;
d’you think he’ll charge?’ The other old lady looks at the erection and says, ‘Well, yes. I think he’d be entitled to!’
11
V
ark We're back on Wednesday 5th March.
P
a
Vi
So what's new?
Open from 1pm till 6 pm - Wednesday to Saturday
for Snacks, Wallet Watcher Meals, and drinks.
And from 6 pm try our extensive Bistro Menu
And now you can enjoy our famous ribs
WEDNESDAY TO SATURDAY.....
A full rack of Ribs,
Steak & Ribs,
Chicken & Ribs.
AND OUR SPECIALS NIGHTS
WEDNESDAY - Steak 'n' Ribs
THURSDAY - Lamb Shank Night (homemade, of course!)
FRIDAY - STACK ATTACK
- any homemade Burger Stack for only €7.95
SATURDAY - Steak and Wine -8oz Rump
plus 1/2 bottle House Wine for only €13.95
OR COME AND ENJOY OUR RENOWNED
SUNDAY ROAST
Via Park III, Los Altos.
EVERY FRIDAY
DANIEL FIRTH
CABARET ARTIST AND KARAOKE.
ONE OF THE COSTA BLANCA'S
TOP ENTERTAINERS.
EVERY SATURDAY
FUN DARTS FROM 8PM
EVERY SUNDAY
JOYCE'S QUIZ
STARTING AT 9PM
We now hold a Bookmaker’s Licence.
All sports betting legally available here!
FRIENDLY ATMOSPHERE & GREAT PRICES!
Gill & Sue welcome you to
THE LOUNGE
Lago Jardin II
Still same quality of food and service
& still offering an Alternative Menu
Sunday open from 10.30am till 8 pm.
Tel. 966 798 122 or 688 223 093
Now serving Bar Snacks
from €2.50, incl. Toasties,
Baguettes, Burgers, Salads.
Always Special Offers!!
e-mail. [email protected]
BARGAIN PRICED DRINKS!
What a Shower!
A recent survey of 500 Spaniards indicated that 42% of them take a
ten minute shower every day. The
survey also shows a difference in the
sexes. 13% of Spanish women admit to
being in the shower for twenty minutes,
while for men the percentage is only 3%.
(Presumably it would be higher if the
women were in the shower with them as
well!) It was also found that whereas
adult Spanish preferred to shower in the
morning for six to ten minutes,
youngsters and teens preferred to shower
in the afternoons or evenings.
The World Health Organisation says five
minutes is the maximum for a
sustainable use of water and energy,
whereas only 9% of Spaniards keep
within this limit. My problem is I have
a big belly, so it takes the water which hits my head a further 20
minutes to reach my feet!
Ann Summers Night!
Tue’ April 15 at 7:30pm
Ladies Only!!
Sky Sports & Free WiFi
I went to see Pavarotti sing last week.
Terrible,
miserable man. He doesn’t like you joining in, does he?
Bernard Manning.
I’m a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.
Rodney Dangerfield.
12
THE HAIR STUDIO
ELECTRIC BOILERS
REPAIRED - REPLACED - RE-SITED
POWER SURGE PROTECTORS
YOUR WHOLE HOME PROTECTED
TV’s, COMPUTERS, APPLIANCES.
€150 FITTED.
TEL: KEITH: 965 326 163
OR 649 584 493
Oxana & Oscar welcome you to
BAR KALIMOTXO
Bar & Restaurant.
Via Park III
To book an appointment please call
96 673 06 91
C/. Salvador Dali 13, Via Park II
(Opposite Zenia Boulivard)
The ‘Bad’ Gas People!
I always though that the dodgy gas engineers were restricted to the
coastal and expat’ areas. I am very wrong it seems. A nationwide
fraud scheme perpetuated by these villains has come to light. It ranges
from Madrid, Catalonia, Castilla la-Mancha, Castilla y Leon to the
Balearics, Andalucia and Valencia. An estimated 2,000 people have
been tricked into paying between €50 and €390 for unnecessary
repairs, safety checks etc in relation to their bottled gas installation.
Some have been tricked out of as much as €2,500 for work supposedly
carried out. These are organised gangs who work under the cover of
a network of 60 companies, especially set up for the scam. The
companies involved also owe almost €4 million in social security
contributions!
To date, the police have arrested 12, confiscated ten top-end motor
cars and blocked 227 bank accounts.
These scammers are quite clever. They will often research local
telephone books and call to make an appointment ‘to inspect your gas
equipment.’ When they arrive they will often cut a nick in the rubber
supply pipes to ensure that they have to ‘repair’ the system. The only
true gas inspectors who are ever likely to come to your property are
the ones you yourself call and they are most likely to be from Repsol
or Cepsa and are concerned with bottled gas - butano y propano only.
By law, all gas fittings for static installations on cookers, gas boilers
and central heating systems should be inspected by authorised
inspectors every five years. Stand alone bottled gas systems such as
barbecues and gas heaters, do not need to be inspected, but it is
advisable to have the rubber hosing changed every five years.
My pubic hair is going grey. In a certain light
you’d swear it was Stewart Granger down there.
Billy Connolly.
BIENVENIDO!
An authentic
Spanish bar with
Tapas and Set Meals
Tapas start at €2.50!
Glass of Wine from €0.90!!
653 319 374
The ‘Good’ Gas People!
The arrival of cheap natural gas is a boon to any
community, particularly when you take into account the
ever-increasing cost of electricity in Spain. Natural gas
is less than half the cost of electricity per Kw.
You will no doubt have noticed that the pipework is
already being laid to many surrounding areas. But it
will not be connected to the side roads and the houses
who have requested it until after the next A.G.M. in
Dream Hills gives approval for access.
Some people are adopting a wait-and-see attitude, but
they may very well lose out on the heavily subsidised
offer which is available now, but which will no doubt
not be available once the engineers have left the area.
Basically there are two options to have the natural gas:
Depending on your location you can have a gas
connection inside your garden wall or patio with no
connection charge and just a minimum monthly rental
of around €3 approx.
Or you can have two gas connections to say a boiler
and a cooker for just €221. The installation charge of
€1,089 being waived in both options.
Should you wish to know more or to sign up, I strongly
suggest you contact Virginia (who speaks perfect
English) of Elecnor, a partner company of Gas Natural
Fenosa, on 645 113 316, who will be pleased to meet
you and to talk you through this very beneficial offer.
13
El CAPITÁN
Lago Jardin II.
NOW OPEN!
Glass of wine only €1!
Happy Hour - Pint San Miguel €2 / half €1!
Small English Breakfast only €2.50! 9-14.00
Incl OJ, coffee or tea. Go large for €4!!
2 COURSE MENU DEL DIA ONLY €6!!
ALL SPORTS ON GIANT TV.
BBQ every Sat’ served 2-6 only €5!!
Booking advisable - 633 480 559
HAPPY HOUR 3pm - 6pm. OPEN 9am - LATE.
JUKE’S
VIA PARK V
MINI-MARKET - DELICATESSEN
DELICIOUS SNACKS - COFFEE LOUNGE
SPECIALISING IN ENGLISH PRODUCE.
FRESH BREAD, BEERS, WINES, SPIRITS.
LARGE RANGE OF FROZEN FOODS ALL THE BRANDS YOU KNOW
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OPEN: DAILY 8am - 7pm
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call 603355615
A 73-year-old caused mayhem in Majorca when he threw some
rubbish into a roadside container. The rubbish exploded, sending the
container lid 30 metres into the air; the blast breaking neighbouring
windows and setting the air bags off in a nearby car. The old chap
got a bloody nose and together with two others, total loss of hearing.
TRADITIONAL INDIAN CUISINE
The police arrived, evacuated a nearby bar and cordoned the area off.
Special Evening Menu only €10!
It seems that the old chap used to be a firework specialist and the
chemicals he dumped reacted with the metal rubbish bin. Neighbours Any starter, any Curry, any Rice or Naan,
said that this was not the first time that he caused an explosion in this Plus glass of wine, small beer or soft drink!
way. One neighbour said the suspect had caused an explosion in his
GREAT FOOD!
store 10 years ago, nearly taking down the rest of the building. Local
police, national police, firefighters, public works, a bomb squad, and
GREAT PRICES!
more forces worked on the scene throughout the night to find out what
WE OFFER A
substance caused the explosion.
NUMBER OF SPECIALLY
What is it with these 73-year-olds? While cleaning her husbands
PRICED SELECTIONS
tombstone somewhere in the Alicante region, this 73-year-old woman
noticed that a vase with flowers had fallen on a nearby grave. She
TO SUIT ALL POCKETS.
went to straighten the vase and while leaning on the gravestone, it
AUTHENTIC INDIAN CUISINE.
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on her knees in the grave. She was eventually rescued by a policeman
and a passer-by. It made me laugh, but then I am very odd!
Near Zenia Boulivard.
The infatuation among the young for ‘selfies’ can be fatal, as a
21-year-old young man from the Andalusian town of Andújar found
DE
N
out. He and his friends climbed
onto a parked wagon at
VE
Andújar train station to
take some ‘selfies.’ SE
SALES & RENTALS
However a 3,500 volt
discharge from a high
voltage wire above the
wagon killed the 21URGENT!
year-old and seriously
injured one of his
Long term rental prop’
friends. Andújar's mayor
declared three days of
mourning for the town of
40,000 people in March.
required for waiting retired
A married couple from Barcelona accumulated a total of ten hefty
customers with
driving fines over the course of two years. In a bid to escape payment,
they told Catalonia's traffic agency it was the husband’s mother who
guaranteed income.
was responsible for the reckless driving in both their vehicles. But
when authorities looked the woman up, they realized she had passed
Also reasonably priced
away prior to the fines being given. The couple have had to pay the
properties for many
full amount of the fines and have also lost points off their driving
licenses.
cash buyers.
TASTE OF INDIA
ASTRID’S
Wrong Way!
A woman was in hospital and had been in a coma for a long time. One
day, the nurse noticed a response when giving her a bed bath and
washing the patient's privates. The nurse told the husband when he next
visited and suggested that oral sex may help bring his wife round.
Some time later the nurse returned and found that the patient had
'flat-lined' and that there was no heart beat or life signs. The nurse
turned to the husband and asked 'What happened?' The husband replied
that he did not know but that 'She may have choked!'
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.I poured spot remover on my dog.
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14
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The Big Knobs!
The kings of Spain, France and England are standing on stage ready to show the world who of the three had the largest penis.
The king of Spain takes his out and, as its impressive proportions are seen, all the Spanish people shout: ‘Viva España!’ The
king of France is next. He drops his pants and as his is even larger, the French scream: ‘Vive la France!’ Next comes the king
of England. He drops his pants and, after a stunned silence, everyone exclaims: ‘God save the Queen!’
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Hi Mick,
Elaine Baker, just to inform you that after reading your
article about the rep from Iberdola calling at the door we
decided to cancel the contract as we realised we had been
led up the garden path! Please warn your readers that it cost
18 euros to do so although nothing was said when we went
to the office in La Zenia. The bill came through the post!
Regards,
Elaine.
Thanks for that Elaine, I will pass it on in the next issue. I
don't think you should pay that bill, by the way! Just tell
them you were misled.
Regards,
Mick
Comment re Dream Hills.
I see that the Dream Hills AGM is now scheduled for May
16. I am pleased to see that Maribel Jiminez Morales will
be standing again for president of the urbanisation. The
last few years have been very difficult for businesses and
of course for urbanisations as well. For a number of years
now, increases to the annual urbanisation fees here have
been negligible. This is not an accident. If you compare
the fees we pay in DH compared to some nearby
urbanisations, you will realise how lucky we are.
However, it would be good to see some new faces on the
committee, and please, please, can you improve the
communications to the property owners.
A hearty clap on the back to our security controllers,
particularly ‘A.’ He recently stopped two thieves who had
stolen a cigarette machine from The Phoenix in Via Park
V, and were trying to dismantle it by the swimming pools.
The thieves, both British, ran off across the open ground
to Los Balcones, where a Spanish accomplice was waiting
with a car to spirit them away.
An unsuccessful attempt was made to try and break in to
Bar Domino, at the bottom of Los Altos, during the same
early morning.
Now with summer and more visitors coming here, the
thieves will be stepping-up their game, and if you are
showing any vulnerability, they will pounce on it. Take
great care.
15
Things That May Effect You!
Manually completed Tax Returns: Hacienda will no longer
allow hand-written tax forms to be submitted. This will affect
around 35,000 taxpayers. You can now make an appointment
with the government tax office and they will assist you to
complete the relevant tax declaration. Now what could go
wrong with that?
Extra Petrol Tax to be Refunded: Spain was dealt a major
blow as the European Union Court of Justice ruled that the
poorly-named céntimo sanitario (cent for health)- a tax that
most regional governments levied on hydrocarbons and used to
fund healthcare and environmental programs - have now been
forced to return 13 billion euros that it collected between 2002
and 2011. The tax was declared to be illegal. Still, getting this
money back will not be easy, because part of the amount might
be beyond the statute of limitations. In this case that is likely
to be four years. Further, it is likely that most people who paid
the tax did not keep their receipts or other proof that they paid
the tax. Well run businesses however, will have kept their
receipts and invoices and their refund could be substantial. This
could be around €16,000 for a lorry driver and owner and
€14,000 in relation to a coach. The government is expected to
return just 15% of the relevant taxes it collected.
This is another example of how taxpayers are defenceless
against tax hikes that are unfair and, what's worse, illegal! The
original case was brought by a Catalan transport company who
felt the tax was illegal.
A refund from Iberdrola?: Well, according to one of the
consumers associations, ‘Yes!’ The electricity companies have
to return €40 to every consumer because of the price on the
wholesale market. The Organisation of Consumers and Users
(OCU) said the refund will apply to the 17 million users on a
regulated tariff, because the ‘pool’ price was lower in the first
quarter than the price established by the Government. Don’t
hold your breath!
UK Govt. Travel/Health Insurance to be Curtailed: UK
expat travel insurance is soon to be terminated for those who
have sought or are looking to seek early retirement in Europe.
Usually, expats moving abroad to Europe to retire early in the
sun, are entitled to two and a half years of free medical care paid
by the NHS. This has not changed for those over the state
retirement age; 65 years and above for men and 60 years and
above for women. However, expats who are retiring early to
popular European destinations like France, Spain and Italy will
most probably have to take out private medical insurance to
cover any accidents. The process by which expat health
insurance is gained for UK residents is by completing an S1
form which not only guarantees them free international health
insurance for two and a half years but also for their spouses and
children. In fact, in the 2012/2013 financial year alone, an
estimated 2,355 S1 forms were issued. As of 1st April of this
year, this is to end for British expats retiring below the state
retirement requirement as part of the major cost saving scheme
launched by the NHS.
Missed Call Scam: This is a scam which is common to some
countries but will no doubt come to a phone near you soon!
This is a scheme where the scammer tries to get you to call a
premium line. Like many scams, this one relies on hitting many,
many potential targets at once. The scammer sets up a computer
to call thousands of numbers per hour — because for every 99
people who follow their gut and don’t call weird numbers,
there’s one person who will. The trick? They only let the call
ring once before it automatically hangs up. One ring is enough
for the number to show up on your missed call messages, but
just short enough that you’re not likely to answer it in time
(which keeps the call from fully connecting and thus keeps the
scammer from having to pay any long distance fees.) A good
scammer is clever. The calls will not be for a massive amount
of money but maybe just a handful of euros, thereby allaying
too much suspicion.
The solution? Don’t call numbers you don’t recognise. If it’s
important, they will call you back.
16
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ái
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The Bible? Talk about a preachy book. Everybody’s a sinner! Except this one guy.
Homer Simpson
17
MY HERO!
Okay, this is not a Spanish story, but the central character here
should surely get a gold medal for ingenuity and nerve.
This chap, presumably
Chinese, buys a first-class
ticket on Eastern China
Airlines
in
Xi’an
International Airport, in
the capital of China's
Shaanxi Province. The
purchase of a first-class
ticket entitles the bearer to
enter the VIP lounge (photo), at the airport where a free buffet
is always provided. The gentleman, who we will call Mr.
Wong, then tucks into the buffet, has a free drink and after
reading the free newspapers, leaves the VIP lounge, goes to the
ticket desk and changes the date on his ticket to the next day.
But then Mr. Wong gained legendary status by his subsequent
actions. He repeated the same process for a further 299
occasions - each day - free food, a drink, and possibly a snooze
and a wink at the hostesses, followed by the change of his ticket
to the next day and a repeat performance - 300 in all!
Eventually Eastern
China Airlines spotted
the cancellation trend
on their computer and
when they started to
investigate, Mr. Wong
simply cashed in his
ticket for a full refund
and went on his merry
satiated way.....probably
looking for another
dumb airline and a
similar deal.
A spokeswoman for
the airline told the
Malaysian Chinese
newspaper Kwong Wah
Yit Poh, that the company has no way to stop such a "rare act."
MORE TRAINING COURSE SCAMS - NO HEROES HERE!
Regular readers will be familiar with previous reports in this
newsletter concerning the UGT trade union in Andalucia and
the money it diverted, which was originally destined for
training courses for the unemployed. This
time the ‘fraud spotlight’ falls on Madrid
where a number of ‘chancers’ set-up four
companies to defraud the regional and central
governments of betweeen €9 and
€14 million in subsidies for training courses. Early
police investigations have revealed that 10,671
people were signed-up for courses which were
funded by the Madrid government, but the courses
were fictitious and the students non existant. More
than 13 have been arrested so far, including Jose Luis Aneri on
the left, and Alfonso Tezanos on the right. Alfonso was a
former president of the Madrid Employers Association and the
ex-Head of the Chamber of Commerce Training Association.
So much for honest captains of industry!
COPS!
A National Police inspector in Palma, has been caught
drunk behind the wheel
twice in five days. But
back in 2012, he was a
passenger in an unmarked
police car when the
driver - who was
drunk - crashed into
and killed a 65-yearold German cyclist.
The men were not on
duty at the time and left
the
scene
without
reporting it. This guy
obviously has a major
problem with the booze,
but how come he was
allowed to remain in the police force after what can only be
described as criminal negligence?
A Civil Guard policewoman in Northern Spain has been
freed on charges after it
was revealed she had
given a local drug
dealer her gun in return
for 150 grams of
‘speed.’
Spain's
National Police made
the shocking discovery
when arresting the
dealer outside a bar in
the
north-eastern
Spanish city of Huesca. The local pusher, who told police
he felt "safer" with the weapon, was in the process of
threatening someone with the handgun when he was
arrested.
When checking the serial number on the weapon, it was
revealed it belonged to a local Civil Guard officer, Spanish
news agency EFE reported. Although the dealer told police
the officer had given it to him in return for a copious
amount of Class A drug ‘speed,’ she argued she "hadn't
even noticed it had gone missing" as it wasn't her service
revolver.
A local judge freed both suspects despite
charging the dealer with illegal possession of weapons and
the officer as a collaborator in the offence.
As you can see from the above, it can sometimes be very
difficult to get into jail in Spain!
Physiology 101.
Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving
a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to the first
year medical students. This was not an exciting subject
and the professor decided to lighten up the mood.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked,
'Do you know what your arsehole is doing while you're
having an orgasm?'
She replied, 'Probably golfing with his mates.’
(Brian H & many others!)
Sign of the Times.
I went to the grocer’s today and picked up
an iceberg lettuce.
I said to the shop assistant, ’Why is it that
these just seem to be getting smaller and
smaller?’
’Global warming,’ he replied.
My girlfriend always laughs
during sex - no matter what she’s
reading.
18
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None But the Brave!
They say that when you encounter a lion, you shouldn't move a muscle. So when I encountered one, I stood still for 6 hours.
Then a bloke approached me and said, "The zoo is about to close in ten minutes."
19
GALLERY
Some images from the Fallas, which takes place every March in Valencia.
One of the many
‘fallas’ constructed
out of wood, wire
and paper-mache.
Some
of
the
structures
are
massive. This ‘head’
on the left is only
part of a full body.
Just a small part of
this ‘falla’ shows
Angela Merkel with a
tight grip on possibly
the French PM.
On the left is Rajoy
with a scissors for
cuts.
This ‘falla’ is a
‘caganer’ of the
president of
Catalonia, Artur
Mas, crapping
on the Spanish
constitution.
Some lovely ladies in their fiesta finery
for the Fallas.
At the end of the 5-day
fiesta, all the fallas are burnt
except for the winning one.
The guy with the
worst job in
China! Mind you,
I don’t think the
people in the
shops
behind
would be too
happy either!
This giant paella is
being prepared in San
Pedro de Pinatar as part
of a fund raiser for the
charity Caritas. It was
a balmy summer-like
day with temperatures
around 25º.
New make of
toilet-door just
arrived
from
South Africa and
now available in
Leroy Merlin.
OUCH!
Sometimes the bull wins!
The Silent Treatment.
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man
realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am, for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to
be the first to break the silence (and lose!), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 am.' He left it where he knew
she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 am, and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go
and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It’s 5:00 am, Wake up..' (Men are just not equipped for these kinds of contests.)
Derrick Green
Two TV aerials got married: the service was really bad but the reception was brilliant.
Keith
20
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HAPPY HOUR MON TO FRI.
If Everton were playing down at the bottom of my garden, I’d draw the curtains.
Bill Shankly
21
Lime Bar Fishing Sunbathing Club.
We had our first meeting under Mike the chair. His opening
statement was, “I want to keep the meetings short.” Well,
this one lasted longer than the AGM!
The March match was relocated to Nancy’s, due to the river
being in flood. Lucky (grumpy) Bob wanted it relocated to
Benijofar so that we could all blank; I mean “Have a sleep!”
This was the last match in our winter league with 6 anglers
vying for the 2 remaining spots in the final. The weights
were very close, but the successful 2 were “punchy” Bob
Larby & me!
On the day, “3 rods” won again with 6.3kg, Fagin came 2nd
with 5.5kg and 3rd was Lucky Bob with 4.4kg. These are
good weights for our members! I don’t know how Lucky
Bob managed it, between his moaning and his sleeps!
Maybe he turned his bite alarm’s volume up.
During this winter league, Ron the “hustler” has beaten me
by 1.5oz, 0.5oz and AGAIN this time by 0.01oz! B*****D!
The final was subsequently fished at the Eden, but although
the river looked in good condition, the fish were few and far
between. It was a glorious day and we got lots of sunbathing
in.
Well done to Ron “the hustler” winning with 8.1 lbs (he
hammered me this time). Fagin was a very close 2nd with
7.92 lbs, then Just John in 3rd with 1.88 lbs. 3 rods saved
a blank on his record book by catching a single bleak.
Lucky!
Last month, Bill Reade from Rods & Reels gave us a heads
up of a new day fishery near Elche. It sounded good so 10
of us went on a fishing “recce”. It is a cracking site with
great potential. With reports of a 20 pounder in the lake &
literally hundreds of 3-4 pounders stocked in the dykes, we
were all really optimistic. However, on the day the fish were
not feeding here either with 4 of us still managing to blank!
On this recce, “I’m NOT tall” Paul caught a 6.7 pounder and
“daffy” Mike L caught a duck! A real one that was released
unharmed, as he didn’t have any sauce à l'orange.
Anti social Baz arranged another darts night with our ladies.
It was too late for this month’s report. If anyone
embarrasses himself or herself – I’ll let you know.
The Barber Shop
@
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CLEVER CLOGS!
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again
invited readers to take any word from the dictionary,
alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter,
and supply a new definition.
Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which
renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite
period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an
a*sehole.
3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which
lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people
that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone
layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down
in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for
the purpose of getting laid
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic
wit and the person who doesn't get it.
More reasons why fishing is better than sex!
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are
Your fishing partner doesn't get upset about people you fished running late.
with long ago.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got
extra credit.)
It's perfectly respectable to fish with a total stranger.
If your regular fishing partner isn't available, he won't object if 11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending
off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the
you fish with someone else.
Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
th
12. Decafalon (n): The gruelling event of getting through
Next meeting is at The Lime Bar @ 17.30 Mon 7 April.
the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
Fishy fingers!
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem
The Ghost
smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed
just after you've accidentally walked through a spider
web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that
gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and
cannot be cast out.
Dogs.
I was walking my dog through the park today when a
warden came over and said, "There's a £50 fine for dogs
who foul the footpath."
"Well that's not going to bother him," I replied, pointing
to my dog. "He's never got any money."
So you don’t believe in reincarnation!
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a
weird religious cult?
Rita Rudner
22
A Bad Egg?
A priest in Alcoy, Alicante, has just been
sentenced to three years in prison for the crime of
misappropriation. It seems this case goes all the
way back to 2007, when Fr. Francisco Sirvent was
appointed patrono-presidente of the Lucania
Foundation. The foundation had in its assets a
commercial property located in the historical heart
of Valencia, which was donated by a well known
local builder. However, Sirvent decided to sell the
property and keep the proceeds, €100,000, for
himself. To this he added another €30,000 which
he siphoned off the Foundation, which does not
now have a single euro.
What a ‘naughty boy’ I hear you say; but wait a
minute. It seems
that Fr. Francisco has
one heck of a
history. While he
was chaplain to
an army unit in Ibiza
in 1995, he
attempted to coerce
a number of
soldiers into having
sex with him.
(No, not all at the
same time,
Gladys!) This was a
particularly
nasty business with one
of his victims
attempting suicide. After a
number of soldiers reported him, he was sacked
from the army.
He then went to Puerto Rico in the Caribbean
where he was a pastor in the Diocese of Ponce
(how appropriate). But here his bad habits returned
and after being accused of sexual abuse in 2000,
he was forbidden to hear confessions or celebrate
Mass. He was also accused of taking $50,000 from
the parish funds.
Sirvent then turned up in Argentina where, in
2006, he was made a Prelate of Honour by Pope
Benedict XVI for some consultancy work on
Canon Law which he promised to complete. But
the Archbishop of Mendoza in Argentina said this
work never materialised. God only knows what
else he got up to there, before returning to Spain.
(Sources: El Mundo; Levante-emv.com)
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother
smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do
that, mommy?' he asked.
'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who
then began removing the cream with a tissue.
'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?`
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Jock’s Final Wish.
An Englishman, Irishman, Welshman, Scotsman were captured while
fighting in a far-off foreign land,
and the leader of the captors said,
'We're going to line you up in
front of a firing squad and shoot you
all in turn. But first, you each
can make a final wish.'
The Englishman responds, 'I'd
like to hear "God Save The
Queen" just one more time to
remind me of the auld country,
sung by the London All Boys Choir,
with Morris Dancers dancing to
the tune.'
The Irishman replies, 'I'd like to
hear "Danny Boy" just one
more time to remind me of the
auld country, sung in the style
of Daniel O'Donnell, with
Riverdance dancers skipping gaily
to the tune.'
The Welshman answers, 'I'd like to
hear "Men Of Harlech" just one
more time to remind me of the country, sung as if by the Treorchy Male
Voice Choir.'
The Scotsman says quickly, 'I'd like to be shot first.'
The Queen’s Visit.
The Queen was inspecting her armed forces, one from each of her fighting
forces. She asks each one what they would do if they woke up and found
a camel spider in their tent on operations?
The squaddie says, ‘I’d reach over, grab my bayonet and stab it to death!’ The navy guy says, ‘I’d reach over, grab my boot and batter it to death !’ The RAF guy says, ‘I’d reach over, pick up my phone, call reception and
ask… ’Who the f*** has put a tent up in my hotel room?’’ 23
APRIL AT
THE PHOENIX
Via Park V
MONDAY: Live Football - Selected Bottled Beers €1!!
TUESDAY: No More Spanglish!! Spanish Lessons @ 11am
€5 Per Hour. Nice, Friendly Relaxed Atmosphere.
WEDNESDAY: Fun Darts with Big Brian. OY, OY!!
THURSDAY: Eyes Down for the Phoenix Bingo!
Dibbers & Dabbers ready for 2:30pm.
THURSDAY NIGHT IS PIE NIGHT!
DELICIOUS AND JUST €7.95 FOR 2!!!
FRIDAY: Fun Quiz with Brian - Meat Draw &
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SATURDAY: Soccer Special - Beer & a Burger only €3!!!
SUNDAY - Traditional Home Cooked Sunday Lunch,
THEN SING & DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY
WITH
THE NEIL & JANE’S
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FROM 7PM.
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COMING EVENTS!
From April 17, Get Your Day off to a Great Start
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PLEASE SEE BLACKBOARDS FOR
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- RACE NIGHTS; EASTER, etc.
WiFi
The English football team - brilliant on paper, shit on grass.
Arthur Smith
24
GOOD NEWS!
The gorgeous little baby with her mum in this photo (El Mundo)
is Luna. This remarkable 10-month-old little angel had seven
major organs replaced when she was only seven-months-old.
Her stomach, liver, pancreas, colon, spleen and two types of
intestine, were replaced. The parents had to move to Madrid,
as the La Paz Hospital there was the only one in Spain capable
of carrying out these multiple transplants. The parents received
no state or social assistance in the matter. Help came from
NUPA, a Spanish charity which specialises in assisting children
with intestinal failure and who require organ transplants.
The La Paz Hospital is now the No. 3 hospital in Europe for
children’s transplants and the only one in Spain who does bowel
transplants for children.
Go for it!
Okay, maybe a ‘shaggy dog story’ but it’s also a story about a
Fly, a Fish, a Bear A Hunter, a Mouse and a Cat.
In the dead of summer, a fly was resting among leaves beside a
stream. The hot, dry fly said to no one in particular, 'Gosh...if
I go down three inches, I will feel the mist from the water and
I will be refreshed.'
There was a fish in the water thinking, 'Gosh...if that fly goes
down three inches, I can eat him.' There was a bear on the shore
thinking, 'Gosh... if that fly goes down three inches That fish
will jump for the fly... And I will grab the fish!!'
It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank of the lake
preparing to eat a cheese sandwich... 'Gosh,' he thought, 'if that
fly goes down three inches...and that fish leaps for it... that bear
will expose himself and grab for the fish. I'll shoot the bear and
have a proper lunch.'
Now, you probably think this is enough activity on one river
bank, but I can tell you there's more.
A wee mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking 'Gosh, if that fly
goes down three inches... and that fish jumps for that fly.. and
that bear grabs for that fish.. The dumb hunter will shoot the
bear and drop his cheese sandwich.'
A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought, (as
was fashionable to do on the banks of this particular river around
lunch time) 'Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches..and that
fish jumps for that fly and that bear grabs for that fish and that
hunter shoots that bear.. and that mouse makes off with the
cheese sandwich . Then I can have mouse for lunch.'
The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he heads down for
the cooling mist of the water. The fish swallows the fly... The
bear grabs the fish.. The hunter shoots the bear. The mouse grabs
the cheese sandwich... The cat jumps for the mouse.. The mouse
ducks...The cat falls into the water and drowns.
NOW, The Moral Of The Story....
Whenever a fly goes down three inches, some pussy's gonna be
in serious danger.
(Dave Purdy)
Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?
Michael Davis
MORE GOOD NEWS!
While trawling through the Spanish press, as I do, it is very
easy to get the impression that everybody over here in Spain
is ‘on the make.’ Scarcely a week goes by without some
politician, businessman, bank or trade union being involved
in some sort of underhand deal or expensive folly, designed
to line their own pockets and shaft poor Joe Public. But of
course not everybody is like that. Occasionally an angel or
saint will poke their head above the surface of greed and renew
our faith in human nature.
46-year-old Jordi Cabau was a self-employed worker in the
Catalan building industry who went from one construction
site to another. Nine months ago his work dried up but as he
was self-employed, he got no assistance from the state. His
partner, Raquel Pérez, also lost her job in a restaurant in a ski
resort in Andorra at the same time. But Raquel, 31, also found
herself pregnant at the same time and was refused state
assistance. Social services were a waste of time, only offering
useless suggestions such as ‘use cloth nappies instead of
disposable ones to save money.’
The couple then moved into her father’s home. However,
they were sharing with four others, all trying to live off her
father’s pension. They left within four months after finding
temporary accommodation with the Catholic charity, the Rosa
Oriol Foundation and its shelter homes, at least until the baby
was born. (The Rosa Oriol Foundation was founded by the
Tous family in Manresa, around which the whole of the town’s
civil charity network of food-distribution and shelters
depends; maybe the subject of another article soon.)
Then their luck changed. A businessman from Manresa
happened to read about their story in a local newspaper and
got in touch with them. He wanted to donate an unused
property, which included both a bakery business and a home.
The entrepreneur, who wishes to remain anonymous, also
helped them purchase the first consignment of items they
needed to get the bakery going. “Some things we got for free
or cheap thanks to his mediation,” Jordi told a reporter from
El Pais.
As Jordi was speaking to the reporter, a group of five people
has walked in. They buy three chocolate buns and a packet of
salt. The total is 2.94 euros. “That’s it? You’re sure you added
it up right?” asks one of them, looking surprised. But it is.
The new bakers have decided to put very popular prices on
their products. “This neighbourhood is very run down,”
explains Jordi. “There are a lot of immigrants here and many
are having a hard time. The other day an elderly woman came
in asking me for a loaf of bread to eat and so I just gave it to
her. Our margins are very low, but we are here to work, not
to make money.” The couple remain stunned by the
generosity of the businessman: “It is one thing to give people
food or momentary assistance,” Jordi says, “but it’s quite
another to give them a future.”
What wonderful people!
Photo from El Pais (SusannaSáez) shows Jordi
Cabau and Raquel Pérez with their son Asier in
their baker’s.
The History of Spain, Part 40. The October 1934 Revolution.
Following the victory of the Right and the Centre in the general
election in November 1933, the Left referred to the next two years
as the ‘two black years’ (bienio negro). The Left would only
accept democracy as long as it kept them in power.
In December of the same year, the anarchists had their third
unsuccessful insurrection, which was treated with the usual
violence, which was now becoming a part of the Spanish political
scene. The Socialist agricultural workers then held another
general strike in June 1934.
During their first year in office, the centre-right government
did not repeal any of the republican-socialist legislation; they just
ignored it. However they did free General Sanjurjo and his
accomplices, who were jailed after the attempted coup in 1932.
But after a year of waiting in the political wings, CEDA, the
Catholic party of the Right, now took three ministries in
government: Justice, Agriculture and Labour on October 4, 1934.
These were seen by the Left as crucial ministries. The Left now
viewed the Right as ‘fascist’ while the Right saw the Left as
‘reds.’
On the day after the ministry appointments, the militant Left,
led by Largo Caballero, called for an insurrectionary general
strike and revolution. Caballero was smarting from the defeat in
the polls and the loss of his former position as Minister of Labour.
There was no real planning to the revolt; just lots of chaos and
wishful thinking. Caballero asked the soldiers and police in
Madrid to join the revolution as if it were Petrograd in 1917! The
wiser elements of the Left warned that terrorising the middle
classes would only drive them into the hands of the Right.
Caballero soon realised that their botched insurrection had failed
to produce the spontaneous revolution of the masses he hoped
for. Most of the revolutionary committee, including Caballero,
were rounded up within three days.
The Catalans, under Lluis Companys, seized the opportunity
to promote their independence declaring ‘An independent
Catalonia within a Spanish federal republic’ from a balcony in
Barcelona. Infuriated by this, the Madrid government under
Lerroux, ordered the local military commander, General Batet,
to proclaim a state of war and end the sedition. Batet, a very
clever commander who wanted to avoid unnecessary bloodshed,
placed two field guns in the main square and ordered his men to
fire blanks. It wasn’t long before Companys and his entourage
surrendered. Interestingly, the anarchist CNT in Barcelona, a
substantial and possibly game-changing force, abstained from
the revolution as their leaders wanted nothing to do with the
socialists and republicans!
The revolutionary general strike experienced some initial
success in the mining areas of Leon, Santander and Vizcya, as
well as the town of Bilbao. But the arrival of troops and bombs
from the Spanish air force put an end to the revolt.
But it was the revolt in the mining area of Asturias that caused
the government the greatest concern. This rugged area had a long
history of confrontation with Madrid, as indeed it still has today.
The now legal communist unions were particularly strong here,
as was the local tradition of direct labour confrontation. One of
the heroines of Asturias was the communist-Stalinist, Dolores
Ibarruri, dubbed La Pasionaria, the Passion Flower. (La
Pasionaria, one of Spain’s finest firebrand orators, would later
become a leading figure among the Republicans during the
Spanish Civil War.) Unlike their colleagues in Barcelona, the
anarchist CNT in Asturias now joined up with the revolutionaries.
It is estimated that the number of workers who took up arms in
Asturias was between 30,000 and 40,000. Ironically the arms
were supplied to the rebels by one of the more moderate socialists,
Indalecio Prieto. Realising what lay ahead, he quickly fled to
France to avoid arrest. The miners also had the dynamite from
the mines, which they called, ‘La artilleria de la revolucion’ the revolutionary artillery.
The Asturian rebels were well organised and quickly took over
several towns including Oviedo, which was defended by a
garrison of 1,000. At this early stage at least 40 non-combatants
were also murdered, mainly the rich and priests.
25
Whereas the revolution failed elsewhere, in Asturias it was
now a full scale civil war. The rapidity of the advance of the
rebels concerned the government in Madrid. They were also
worried that the Spanish conscript army might not fire on
their own countrymen. With the country now under martial
law, the minister of war
ordered a popular soldier and
favourite of the Right,
General Francisco Franco
(photo), to suppress the
Asturias rebellion. Franco
ordered an expeditionary
force from Lugo in Galicia to
proceed to Oviedo. He also
organised a cruiser and two
gunboats to go to the Gijón
coastline and bomb the
miners. Aircraft was also directed to bomb the coalfields
and Oviedo.
At that time, Spain’s best fighting soldiers were in
Morocco. This was the Spanish Foreign Legion and the
Moroccan regulares. These soldiers gave and expected no
mercy when dealing with the rebellious Rif tribes in
Morocco. They dispensed savagery and expected little else
if ever unfortunate enough to be captured alive. Franco now
ordered two large contingents of these forces to move rapidly
to Asturias. From October 10, these forces invaded the
mining villages and towns, treating these areas as enemy
territory, with looting, rape and the execution of prisoners
on the spot. This was followed by savage repression of the
whole Asturian mining area by Major Lisardo Doval, a Civil
Guard commander, notorious for his cruelty.
Rebel resistance collapsed in Asturias, but here the
revolution had cost around 1,000 lives. Several thousand
were imprisoned and thousands more were sacked for taking
part in the revolt. All in all, twenty rebels were condemned
to death, but only two were executed. This was remarkable
for the period. Can you imagine what the retribution from
Hitler or Stalin would be for a similar revolt? Victory for
the Centre-Right coalition of the Radicals and CEDA against
what the Left called the October Revolutiuon, gave new
confidence to the government. They now began to unravel
many of the changes introduced by the previous SocialistRepublican government, particularly in relation to the
Catholic Church and land reform and the Catalan statute of
autonomy was also immediately suspended. Gil Robles of
CEDA now joined the cabinet in May 1935 as minister of
war. He then promoted General Franco to Chief of General
Staff.
For the Left the revolution was an irresponsible act. The
historian Raymond Carr put it succinctly when he wrote, ‘By
revolting against an elected government in October 1934,
the forces of the left denied themselves the legal if not the
moral possibility of denouncing the rising of July 1936.’
The leader of the militant Socialists, Caballero, was now in
prison. Pravda called him the Spanish ‘Lenin’ and he
became intoxicated with the image. In confinement he read
the works of Lenin and received regular visits from the
French Comintern (the international communist
organisation) representative, Jacques Duclos. When he was
released from prison in October 1935, just one year after the
failed revolution, he was more radicalised than ever.
The alliance between CEDA and the Radicals collapsed at
the end of 1935 as a result of scandals in the Radical Party.
The government collapsed and President Alcala Zamora
called for new elections. He had hoped to create a new centre
party and was blind to the fact that democracy in Spain had
become so fragile, he was now pushing it towards its
endgame. There would be civil war within six months.
More next month.
Debt Collection Agencies in Spain & el Cobrador del Frac.
26
Obviously in the current economic climate, the growing El Cobrador del Frac ( the Debt Collector/Collection) is the
amount of personal debt can be a problem to many. This in turn
largest and best know debt collection agency in
has led to a massive growth in debt collection agencies, because
Spain. They achieved notoriety by dressing their
it is cheaper for businesses to resort to them than to the courts.
collection agents in top hat and tails. This draws
Also, the debt claim may not be strong enough to stand up to
attention and if one of these guys is knocking on your
scrutiny in the courts.
door, then your neighbours have no doubt what is
up. The photo at the bottom of the left-hand column
It is the big companies who will use these agencies,
shows a collector from this firm pursuing a woman
particularly the telephone companies - who are riddled with bad
over a claim. The notice he is carrying says, ‘She
practice and misleading adverts - and lenders; well, we have all
stole from her family.’ If a debtor proves awkward,
come to see the banks in Spain under a new light after their
their strategy is to ‘Name and Shame.’
shenanigans during the last six to eight years.
The first thing the collection agencies will do is make a These days, their collection agents don’t dress up, but will
nuisance of themselves. I came across one instance where do so at no extra charge if requested. I always though we
Vodafone used an agency, Konecta, to collect a €23 debt from should give these guys a free hand at collecting overdue
a client. Konecta telephoned him every day at 9am for two urbanisation fees. The firm now boasts a large fleet of similar
whole months. He felt he was "intimidated in a constant vehicles which carry the company identification on the sides,
manner" so with the help of a consumer association, he took front and back of the vehicle.
Vodafone to court. He was then awarded €900 in damages, Which brings me to the main reason I compiled this article.
which he donated to the consumer group. Another consumer, In early March this year, an 37-year-old El Cobrador agent was
a lawyer, was targeted by Movistar (Telefonica) over a bill he chasing-up a debt for a client in the town or city of Albacete.
was in disagreement with. Here, the collection agency called Dressed in top hat
him almost daily at 8am, even on holidays, between the months and
tails
and
of April and September 2009. He kept a record of the harassing driving one of the
phone calls and won his case.
firm’s vehicles, he
There have been many other instances where family members was pursuing a
of the debtor are contacted, all in an effort to embarrass and debtor in the air
conditioning
intimidate.
But most of us would not know how to respond in these business for several
circumstances, even if we are in the right. If you are being days. The debtor
harassed, it seems the most effective solution being offered is ‘did a runner’ and
to file a complaint with the Spanish Data Protection Agency the agent then
(AEPD) regarding the irregular use of information about the decided to drive his car to the debtors house and park outside.
debtor. This is the advice of a lawyer, Pablo Camacho, who Waiting in the car, he could not have expected the following
used to formerly work with one of the largest collection course of events. The debtor did eventually turn up, but was
companies - el Cobrador del Frac. Angered by the methods driving a massive mechanical bull. Without warning the
used by this company, he resigned and formed an agency for debtor rammed the Cobrador vehicle with the man inside. See
the defence of debtors called El Defensor del Moroso. He has photos. The debt collector was taken to hospital in a critical
had his offices burnt down twice in mysterious circumstances. condition with multiple injuries and the Manitou driver was
He and his colleagues now work from the street and their homes. arrested.
The motto of El Cobrador is “Miguel de Cervantes is our
Debt collection has not yet been regulated in Spain, making
this one of the few European countries without specific most illustrious predecessor” ; Cervantes of course was once
legislation on the issue. In 2009, the ruling coalition in a debt collector. His creation, Don Quixote may have jousted
Catalonia, CiU, proposed setting down some rules. Although with windmills, but I don’t believe he would have got very far
the initiative was unanimously approved, it was never put into with a Manitou! The assailant has now been charged with
attempted murder.
practice.
With age comes wisdom!
This old guy decided to treat himself, bought a brand new BMW Z4 convertible and drove it out of the salesroom. Taking off down
the motorway, he floored it to 120 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. “Amazing!" he thought as
he flew down the motorway, pushing the pedal to the metal. But looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him,
blue lights flashing and siren blaring. "I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly nutcase as he floored it to 140
mph, then 150 then 160. Suddenly, he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!" So he pulled over to
the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.
Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver's side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, “Sir, my shift
ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that
I've never heard before, I'll let you go." The old man, looked very seriously at the policeman and replied, "Years ago my wife ran
off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, Sir," said the policeman.
Pete Dudman
http
cha
rol
p r
a.ht
27
OUCH!!
A woman in Spain is planning to take legal action against
doctors who performed an emergency caesarean section
without anaesthetics. "Either we cut you or your son dies,"
doctors told Maria Mercedes Alcocer, an Ecuadorian woman
living in Spain.
The soon-to-be mother had been admitted to a hospital in the
northern Spanish region of Asturias 32 hours earlier after her
water broke. But during her time in hospital, nurses were
worried that she had not started to dilate. She had also
developed a serious infection which in turn had given her a
very high temperature.
The 37-year-old woman was rushed to the delivery room where
doctors told her there was not enough time to call an
anaesthesiologist and she reluctantly agreed for them to cut her
stomach open and save her son"s life. "The pain was horrible,"
Alcocer told Spanish daily ABC. "I gritted my teeth so hard
that one broke." Despite losing consciousness, doctors were
able to save the child's life. Since recovering from her ordeal,
the disgruntled mother has decided to file a lawsuit against the
hospital. She and her husband Cristian, who the newborn is
named after, fear that their son may have been left physically
or mentally effected during the difficult childbirth. "He didn't
get enough oxygen (because the umbilical chord was tied
around his neck)," Alcocer added.
The Ecuadorian women says doctors informed her that she was
likely to experience problems during her pregnancy and
childbirth, and prepared accordingly. "For nine months, I did
everything I was told. I ate yogurt, which I detest, rested,
walked, and underwent all the tests recommended for pregnant
women my age. I did not skip a single thing. " Alcocer claims
no one at the hospital has yet explained what actually happened
during her childbirth. "So much suffering is inhumane, you
cannot play with the life of people.”
It certainly must have been a horrific ordeal for the woman and
a damning indictment of the hospital that something like this
was allowed to happen.
The ‘Specific Conditions.’
Bankia has just placed a packet of 300 homes on the secondhand market with price reductions of up to 40% of their initial
price. The bank warns the purchases that these properties have
‘specific conditions’ which must be expressly accepted by the
purchaser in the ‘buy & sell’ contract. If you ask Bankia what
the ‘specific conditions’ are, and they will tell you there are
squatters in the properties!
Con-Men.
I am always amazed by the foolishness of people who will risk
putting their savings into dubious investment companies who
promise unrealistic interest levels. This time it is in Alicante
where more than 200 people, mainly pensioners, were divested
of their ‘hardearned.’ A number of individuals were ‘suckered’
into the scheme by being offered returns of 25%. This is surely
‘dumb greed.’ Once again it was a typical Ponzi scheme being
operated - one investor being paid from the funds received from
a later investor. The company made no actual investments.
Three have been arrested to date and it is expected that the total
amount swindled will exceed €3 million.
In another fraudulent scheme, 105 Britons and three Americans
were arrested in Spain, the bulk of them in Barcelona - now
recognised as the area in Spain where most expats are conned.
In addition 20 Britons have been arrested in the U.K., eight in
Serbia and two in the United States. Here the crooks acted as
stock market agents accepting investments, moving the money
abroad and then disappearing. In the last year alone, the police
say there are 5,000 confirmed victims, most of them retired
Britons aged between 60 and 70. Amounts in excess of €18
million are believed to be involved. There was strict discipline
throughout the organisation, the members were not allowed to
organise parties so as not to attract the attention of the police.
Internal transgressions were heavily fined.
Late News:
The above body was found at the Cala Bosque, in La Zenia,
on the morning of Saturday March 29. The carefully wrapped
and taped body lay there for some time before the Guardia Civil
took the body away for investigation. It was later reported
that the body was that of a white male, around 1.80 metres tall.
The driver of this 458 Italia Ferrari supercar, valued at a
minimum of €240,000, crashed into a skip in the centre of the
Spanish capital on March 23. The driver then got out of the
car in a confused state and ran from the scene. He was later
interviewed by police, and it is believed that he may have been
drunk at the time.
The Prayer.
A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and
listened to her prayers which ended by saying:"God bless
Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and goodbye
Grandpa." The father asked, "Why did you say goodbye
Grandpa?"
The little girl said, "I don't know, Daddy, it just seemed like the
thing to do." The next day grandpa died.
The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months
later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers
which went like this: "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and
goodbye Grandma." The next day the grandmother died.
"Holy Moley,” thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the
other side."
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard
her say: "God bless Mommy and goodbye Daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and
got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous
as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock. He figured if
he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of
the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and
jumping at every sound. Finally, midnight arrived…… he breathed
a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said,
"I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"
He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst
day of my life."
She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what
happened to me this morning. My golf pro dropped dead in the
middle of my lesson."
28
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FOR SALE: ALL BRAND NEW, NEVER USED, STILL WRAPPED.
Ping 625 Driver 10.5, head covers & wrench, cost €329 NOW €279!
Odyssey Versa Putter, men’s right hand, cost €179 NOW €99!
Taylormade Ghost Putter, men’s right hand, cost €159 NOW €99!
Taylormade RBZ Irons 4-PN, men’s steel right hand, cost €429 NOW €339!
Bushnel U2, cost €279 NOW €229!
Calaway men’s right hand glove, cost €15 NOW €8!
Telephone: 603 234 469.
The AGM for the Dream Hills urbanisation will he held at the Orihuela
Costa Resort (as last year) at 16:00 hours on Friday, May 16th, 2014.
The Party.
Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress he
quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Norway as far from humanity as possible.
He sees the postman once a month and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise
it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so, of almost total isolation, someone
knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man standing there.
"Name's Lars, your neighbour from forty miles up the road. Having a party Friday
night... Thought you might like to come. About 5.00?"
"Great", says Tom, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks.”
As Lars is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you......be some drinkin'."
"Not a problem" says Tom. "After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the
best of 'em." Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely gonna
be some fightin' too."
"Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right. I'll be there. Thanks again."
"More'n likely be some wild sex, too,"
"Now that's really not a problem" says Tom, warming to the idea. "I've been all
alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?"
"Don't much matter ..... Just gonna be the two of us!"
®
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Images in this newsletter from El Pais, El Mundo, Informacion, Wikipedia,
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DISCLAIMER
Please note that any information provided is of a general interest & often also of a frivolous nature. You are advised to contact a professional for advice specific to your circumstances, in
relation to legal, financial, health, medical or any other matters. The Dream Scene, its editor or any of its contributors, do not accept responsibility for any claims by advertisers, purchasers
or anybody - and remember the old adage - “If something looks too good to be true - it generally is!” You must be really bored if you are reading this!
The Dream Scene is plagiarized from a multitude of sources which include Typically Spanish, El Mundo, La Verdad, Reuters, Tumbit, El Pais, El Confidencial & Playboy (just for the
articles ...honest!) etc - however no part of this publication may be used or reproduced without the consent of the editor - so there! Remember, to steal from one person is plagiarism; to
steal from many is research! If you must use some of my stuff, at least quote the source. No small children, trees or animals were harmed in the making of this newsletter……although
several hundred thousand electrons were mildly inconvenienced. And I wonder, how much deeper would the ocean be if there weren’t any sponges in it?
The editor, Mick, can be contacted at [email protected] or at 586 Dream Hills.