State of the Union Address MUS Loses a Friend New Heights for Prom

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State of the Union Address
BY ZANE HAYKAL
Next year’s Student Council has a lot to live up to. Under the leadership of President
Andrew Robinson, the Student
Council expanded the
Ubermus competition, introduced a school mascot, and
upheld older MUS traditions
like pep rallies and Fall Fest.
The goal of next year’s Council is to build upon our established traditions while creating
new ones at the same time.
This year’s Council has already produced a successful
Ice Cream Social and a barbecue lunch for the seniors.
MEMPHIS UNIVERSITY SCHOOL
6191 PARK AVENUE
MEMPHIS, TN 38119-5399
Next year, these types of activities will be the norm. The
Ubertrials will continue to produce weekly contests and activities throughout the first semester, including the revival of
Field Day before we leave for
Fall Break. Fall Fest will be
rejuvenated, hopefully with the
return of mud wrestling and the
car bash. Other ideas for next
year include a Spring Sports
Fest, student bands during
chapel, and something involving a multitude of rubber ducks.
Over the summer, the Senior
Lounge will receive an overhaul, including new furniture,
new game tables, a pinball machine, and some nifty artwork
courtesy of Zach Glover and
Brian Evans. However, the
Student Council reps and execs want to hear what you have
to say about new activities, the
Senior Lounge, or even school
policies. If you have an opinion, we want to hear it.
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Next year’s Council also
hopes to build on the strong
relationships started this year,
the student-faculty relationship
being the most important. As
I’ve stated before, if you are
good to this school, it will be
good to you. Stronger ties with
the administration mean more
freedom to have fun activities.
I also hope to develop stronger ties with Hutchison and St.
Mary’s. I can’t help but notice
that attendance from our sister
schools at activities like Fall
Fest and Homecoming dances
have been lacking recently. I
believe that our students would
like to see more interschool
activities, and I am confident
that their student council presidents feel the same way. I, for
one, would like to see
Hutchison and St. Mary’s duke
it out on the gridiron at Fall
Fest. The offer is on the table,
ladies.
All these activities, however,
depend on one thing: you.
Without student participation,
the efforts of the Student Council are meaningless. I urge you
to make use of your grade representatives and feel free to
stop any rep or executive in the
halls with your ideas. I can
promise you that your voice
will be heard.
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MUS Loses a Friend
Buddy Morrison, former
chairman of the MUS Board
of Trustees, passed away on
Sunday, May 8, 2005. Two of
his sons—Price and Joe—
were MUS students, although
Buddy said “every MUS student is my boy” and proved it
by attending MUS sporting
events long after his own sons
had graduated. He was also a
generous benefactor to the
school, whose gifts made possible the wonderful facilities Morrison was a loving and kind
which we enjoy today, such as man, and he will be dearly
the beautiful Morrison Court- missed in our community.
yard in the Upper School. Mr.
New Heights for Prom
BY PRESTON BATTLE
In early December, when I
picked out the Tower Room
for our Spring Formal, I had
no idea that it would be as appropriate as it was. MUS students went up thirty-three stories to get down on the dance
floor with their dates and a
great view of Memphis. The
Tower Room, like a phoenix,
rose from the ashes of the beloved Summit Club to sit high
atop the famous Clark Tower.
The Tower Room’s East Memphis location made the drive
short and sweet: even the
freshmen’s mothers couldn’t
complain. Also a variety of
great restaurants were reasonably close to the dance. When
students arrived they were immediately “Murphilized,” and if
they passed, they were rewarded with the incredible music of “U-Turn,” who definitely
served-up a double portion of
funk on their enormous sound
system. Even while his favorite
song by Mike Jones was playing during the break, studentJim
“Bento” Benton, Esq. actually
begged the band to come back.
The best thing about this year’s
formal was the atmosphere.
Some called this last formal a
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Editors-in-Chief
Frank Jemison
Walter Klyce
Associate Editor
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Technical/Layout
Editor
Roger Chu
Cartoonists
Zach Glover
Parker Joyner
News Editors
Jesse Mahautmr
Asst. Jonathan Yeung
Sports Editors
Zach Kisber
Asst. David Shochat
Viewpoints Editors
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Wilson Castleman
Blake Cowan
Zane Haykal
Farrell Varner
Jeffery Webb
Photographers
Jim Carter
William Harris
Andy Kim
Business Manager
Donald McClure
Faculty Advisor
Mr. N. Thompson
Mrs.Wulf Youth Leg., Jr.
BY NAVEED MIRZA
BY ROBERT DUFFLEY
First off, how’s your baby
Hayden doing?
She’s doing great. She
smiles a lot. She plays in her
ExerSaucer™, and she just
learned how to sit up.
May Sixth. The day. Armed
with a tie, sports coat, and bill
regarding cell phone legislation,
I proudly stepped out of the
family suburban and joined the
trickle of well-dressed middle
schoolers headed into city hall.
It was go-time, time to make
our unfaltering leader, Manning
Weir, proud. You see, that Friday was the day of the longawaited Middle School
YMCAYouth Legislature conference. That day six MUS students engaged in brutal legal
combat with delegates from
over seven other schools. The
students representing MUS
were Brandon Parrish, Robert
Duffley, Harrison Rea, Drew
Cornaghie, Steven Tutor, and
Amro Amro. Topics covered
by MUS bills included DUI
repeat offenders, cell phone
use while driving, voluntary euthanasia, and tax incentives to
entertainment facilities.
The day was divided into
three main parts: in the morning, delegates were sent to one
of four committees determined
by the subject matter of the bill.
During Committee, delegates
Could she beat up Kellen
Gehres?
Probably, at this point, because she’s huge and Kellen’s
still a babe.
What was your first date
with your now-husband?
We were out to lunch, and
then we went to the movies to
see The Bridges of Madison
County.
What are some littleknown facts about you?
I have four dogs. Two
aren’t mine because they’re
strays. By the way, if anyone
wants to adopt two dogs, I
need to find a home for two
labs. Also, I’m a horrible cook,
I love to sew, and I watch Iowa
football. I live for the Iowa
football season.
What is your fondest
memory of MUS?
My fondest memory of
MUS… meeting my friend
Naveed in the spring of 2002.
No, seriously, going to Camp
Bear Track with the seventh
graders during their first week
of school.
What will you miss most
about MUS?
I think I’ll miss the interaction with the faculty and students. We’re lucky to go to a
place with such high-caliber
people. We take it for granted,
and I’ll miss it.
ranked one another’s bills on
categories such as statewide
impact, originality, and overall
quality of presentation. After
three or so hours committees
adjourned for lunch. Then, after an hour’s respite, all the
delegates congregated in the
city council chamber to debate
and vote on the top two ranked
bills from each committee.
Sadly, the only MUS bill to
make it to committee was that
of Harrison Rea and Drew
Cornaghie, a well thought-out
bill calling for a period of house
arrest to follow each DUI offense. After listening, thinking,
debating, and voting for three
hours, General Assembly was
adjourned and special awards
were presented. One MUS
delegate (Robert Duffley) surprisingly received an award for
Best Delegate.
All in all, Middle School
Youth in Government (Model
United Nations in the fall and
Youth Leg in the spring) has
been a very rewarding experience for all who participated,
and I, for one, encourage everyone to at least try it. I look
forward to joining the upperclassmen in Nashville next year.
Mrs.Allison
BY SAMIR SHETH
Why did you come here?
This was the only place in
the city that let me do the two
things that I loved. They let me
be a librarian, and they let me
teach the research class.
What’s your most unforgettable memory of MUS?
The senior run when
Stewart Gillespie ran with a
paper towel fashioned into a
diaper and cowboy boots.
What’s the funniest thing
that’s happened to you
here?
I came into my office one
morning, and on my computer,
someone had set the babe of
the day to my desktop, and she
was five hundred pounds.
There were a bunch of people
in my office, and I shook the
mouse to wake the computer
up, and there was a five hundred pound nekkid chick on
my desktop. That was pretty
funny.
Besides me, what will
you miss most?
The students, ‘cause they
keep you laughing and guessCONTINUED FROM PAGE 1 ing. There’s never a dull moSPRING FORMAL
“sober sweaty mess.” Teach- ing to meet your date, teach- ment when they’re around.
ers also contributed to this great ers took time from their weekAny final thoughts or
atmosphere. From Coach Ray ends to get down with stustaring you down to Doc want- dents. While the Student comments?
Mrs. Barnes has promised
Council did provide the means, I to have candy through March.
firmly believe the
Is there any right now?
students brought
No, you guys ate it all.
out the energetic
atmosphere, fuWho’s going to use your
elled by spikeless punch and office?
Mrs. Barnes—she’s promfunky tunes.
ised to leave the light on and
Jay Martin gets reacquainted with an
officer of the law
the door open.
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Historic Face-Off
BY COLIN MCDONALD
MUS 8th graders, joined by
Hutchison’s 7th and 8th grades,
experienced an outstanding
program this year called Facing History and Ourselves. In
a series of five three-hour seminars held throughout the school
year, Facing History featured
guest speakers and movies on
human rights crisis periods in
history and the lessons we can
learn from them to prevent such
catastrophes from happening
again.
The seminars ranged from
learning about the 1990s genocidal war in Rwanda from His
Excellency Dr. Zac Nsenga, the
Rwandan Ambassador to the
United States, to hearing a
first-hand account of the
Holocaustfrom concentration
camp survivor Mrs. Nina Katz,
to a panel on the civil rights
abuses protested through the
Memphis Sanitation Strike in
1968.
Each seminar inspired students to imagine personally enduring these disasters, so that
they could better understand
how such horrible tragedies
occur and what can be done
to prevent them from reoccurring in the future. Hearing first-
hand accounts made the historical events more personal
and real, so that they were not
simply words in a book, but
about real people who do not
seem much different from our
own families and friends.
Students not only learned
about the victims of injustice
and intolerance, but also about
individuals who were courageous enough to stand up and
act, instead of simply standing
by and watching. One of the
most important lessons we
learned was the realization that
each and every individual has
the opportunity in life to make
decisions which make a difference in the world around them.
Through both the presentations and small group discussions, MUS and Hutchison students discussed not only history, but also the present and
the future and ways they could
help end prejudice and inequality in everyday life. Facing
History and Ourselves highlighted the importance of respecting others, speaking out
for justice, and acting on one’s
conscience. This remarkable
program inspired new perspectives in the way 8th graders see others and their own
role in the world.
Walt Wepfer, John Rutledge, and Dylan
Cunningham enjoy the co-ed aspects of FHAO
Runaway Bride
BY BLAKE COWAN
Throughout my life I have
realized one absolute truth in
this crazy, mixed-up world: if
you’re faced with a problem,
the best option is to run away
from it. In fact, every morn’
upon awakening, I take a
deep, long look at myself in the
mirror, and I ask myself two
questions: First, do I have my
typical bed hair look today?
Second (and more important)
am I planning on facing my
problems today, or will I hide
from them, like a true man
would? If the answer to both
of these queries is “Yes,” then
I know that I’m now fully prepared to start my day.
But enough about my own
journey. I would now like to
talk about someone who has
taken this art of avoidance to
an entirely new level. Jennifer
Wilbanks, or “that chick who
ran away from some wedding,”
as many of you know her, has
now ruined my view on slacking-off. There are certain things
than can be understandably
done to avoid a problem, e.g.
playing sick on test day or
burning down a house to get
out of attending your aunt’s
wedding. But then, some things
just cross this oh-so-fine line,
which separates the acceptable
from the detestable. Running
away from one’s own wedding
and then making up a ridiculous hostage scenario is definitely something that crosses
this line.
The thirty-two-year-old
Wilbanks claims that the stress
of having a high profile wedding simply got to her, so she
bolted from Duluth, Georgia, to
Las Vegas with a one-way bus
ticket. Surfacing a couple of
Photo Courtesy of AP
Jennifer Wilbanks tries to
hide again, this time with
a colorful towel
days later in Albuquerque,
New Mexico, Wilbanks then
made preposterous allegations
of a kidnapping plot, in which
she was the alleged victim.
Once authorities sifted through
the discrepancies in her story,
they returned her to Georgia,
where she now faces criminal
charges for lying to the police.
I’m not really bothered by
much of this story. I can get
past the fact that she ran away
from her own wedding and
then wouldn’t own up to it.
However, the one thing that really bothers me about this
whole charade is that
Wilbanks’s fiancé still plans to
marry the woman.
C’mon on man, are you serious? Crazy woman runs out
the back door, and all you have
to say is that you cannot wait
to be married to her?! If this
happened to me, I would thank
the broad for showing me
sooner, rather than later, the
mistake I’d be making in marrying her. To top it all off, she’s
not even that great looking. I
could maybe force myself to
stay with a crazy Pam Anderson, but definitely not plain ol’
Jenny Wilbanks of Duluth,
Georgia.
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Graduation Awards 2005
New Student Leaders
Russell Johnson Creative Writing Award
Eric Wilson
Student Council Executives
President
Zane Haykal
William D. Jemison, III, Drama Award
Eric Wilson
Vice-President
William Montgomery
Commissioner of Student Welfare
Preston Battle
Commissioner of Student Services
Andrew Cabigao
Secretary-Treasurer
Dev Varma
Commissioner of Special Activities
David Minervini
Brescia Award for Unselfish Service in Dramatics
Choral Music Award for Excellence
English Award
Mike Schaeffer
Charles Askew
Warner Russell
Eric Wilson
Clint Cowan
Foreign Language Awards
· French
Parth Sheth
Commissioner of Social Events
Doug Boyer
· Latin
Alex Chinn
Honor Council President
Hunter Adams
· Spanish
Charles Askew
Stephen Nease
Michael Schaeffer
Civic Service Chairman
Garrott McClintock
Pope
Benedict XVI
Clint Cowan
Aaron Markowitz
Government Club Executives
Co-Presidents
History Award
Christa Green Warner Mathematics Award
Jesse Mahautmr
Peter Zanca
Parth Sheth
Margaret Owen Catmur Science Award
Alex Guyton
Religion Award
Clint Cowan
Award for Distinguished Community Service
Harry Mayfield
Worth Morgan
Leigh W. MacQueen Dean’s Cup for Academic Excellence
Parth Sheth
Mark Cooper Powell Memorial Award
Rob Baird
Cody Curtis
Danforth Award
Jonathan Lunati
Scott Miller Rembert Senior Service Award
Matt Sights
Ross McCain Lynn Awards
Alex Chinn
Clint Cowan
Alex Guyton
Andrew Robinson
Eric Wilson
Faculty Cup for General Excellence
Phillip Flinn
Senior Executives
Shea Conaway
Frank Jemison
Mike Montesi
Hayden Pendergrass
Paul Yacoubian
Junior Executives
Chris McDonald
Erim Sarinoglu
Yearbook Co-Editors
David Shochat
Paul Yacoubian
MUSe Editor
Andras Tigyi
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Sloan Abernathy
Kane Alber
Paul Anderson
Charles Askew
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Jordan Crawford
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Peter Dale
John Daniel
David Delugach
Preston Dennis
Hays Doan
Weller Drennon
Andrew Dudas
Price Edwards
Watt Efird
Josh Evensky
Noah Feder
Phillip Flinn
Kyle Fong
Michael Fong
Ryan Freebing
Chris Freeman
Joey Friend
Wills Gardner
Dan Gibson
Robert Goff
Warren Grimm
Stuart Groves
Alex Guyton
Michael Haas
Josh Hall
John Hammons
Rob Heflin
Will Hickman
Russ Hinson
Cooper Hopkins
Tommy Horton
Jon-Michael Jones
Sashank Karri
Ben Katz
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Lax: No Respect Lost Soccer Struggle at Regionals
BY GARROTT MCCLINTOCK
The smell of sweat, wet
grass, and victory was in the
air; unfortunately the victory
was not ours. The MUS Lacrosse team practiced three
hours a day for the last two
weeks preparing for our last
weekend, the state championship. The weekend’s games
would prove to be the toughest yet: our team played the
Montgomery Bell Academy
Big Red and McCallie Blue
Tornado, two great teams. Our
captains, Jimbo Rainer, Dan
Gibson, and Sam Sawyer, had
led the team through the regular season with only one loss.
The seniors were prepared to
lead us onward to the championship game.
On Friday, against MBA,
MUS held the lead for three
quarters, but a penalty led to a
MBA comeback making the
game very close in the end.
MBA had a great team led by
senior Nick Burns and sophomore Chris Cahill, but our team
was better. MUS’s captains
were first team all state and two
(Gibson and Sawyer) were
All-American; but we also had
many other great players who
received all state honors: John
Klinke and Randall Noel were
essential to our offense, and
Ethan Knight and Mark
“Bubba” Scales commanded
our defense, while Josh Hall
dominated face-offs throughout the weekend. With great
players such as these, it is obvious why MUS played so well
this weekend.
In Saturday’s game against
McCallie, MUS dominated the
first half in possession time,
ground balls, riding, clearing,
and the score (3-1). Unfortu-
nately, a thirty-minute lightning
delay at halftime slowed the
momentum of our MUS team
and gave McCallie a chance for
a new start. Starting the half
with a man-down defense, the
team never received a break,
receiving penalty after penalty
and letting McCallie tie the
game at 4-4. During the last
two minutes of the game,
McCallie, having possession,
ran down the clock, but Jimbo
Rainer intercepted a pass to
give us the ball. After a timeout
our offense ran a restart play,
which gave Dan Gibson the
ball. Gibson shot and hit the
pipe rocking the goal with a
deafening ring. With a debatable eight seconds left, we ran
the same play, but Gibson
slipped on the wet ground,
causing the game to go into
sudden-death overtime. In
overtime McCallie won the first
face-off, which led to a four on
three fast break, and a shot that
hit Rainer’s shoulder, flew up
into the air, bounced on the
ground, and then rolled backwards into the goal. Everyone
on our side was heartbroken,
but all our MUS lacrosse team
can think of now is next year.
Next year’s captains—
Doug Boyer, John Klinke, and
Zach Matthews—will surely
lead MUS to regain its rightful
title as champions. We have
many young kids this year who
are maturing into great athletes
and lacrosse players; next year
they will join the veterans to
make a great team. With leadership from our seniors and
much practice in the off-season, MUS lacrosse will again
bring home the hardware. I
Believe…
BY DAVID SHOCHAT
The MUS soccer team lost
only two games during the
regular season, which included
a 1-0 win over Houston High
School and a 1-1 tie against the
Brothers. The Owls entered the
Regional tournament with a 102-5 record and the #3 seed.
Six different players had
goals in MUS’s 8-0 victory
over St. Benedict, which advanced the Owls to the Regional Semi-Finals.
In the Semi-finals, the Owls
took on #2 seeded ECS. The
Owls and Eagles had tied earlier in the year 0-0, and this
game promised to be close.
During the first half ECS had
many threatening shots on goal,
but only MUS, at the feet of
Cody Curtis and Kyle
Rosenberg, put points on the
scoreboard, making the score
at halftime 2-0. During the second half, the Eagles scored off
a penalty kick that resulted
from a questionable foul call,
and, with ten minutes left, Kane
Alber was injured and did not
return. Before the end of the
game, Cody, assisted by Brian
Evans, scored again, giving the
Owls a 3-1 victory and a spot
in the State Tournament.
With the Regional title on the
line, MUS, seeded at #3, took
on its nemesis, the #1 seeded
CBHS, in Mike Rose Stadium.
The Owls began the game with
one starter, Kane, on the
bench, and by halftime, three
others starters would join him.
MUS started off strong,
though, as Cody Curtis headed
a ball in off David Wilcox’s corner kick, giving the Owls a 10 lead, but by halftime, Paul
Zettler had been injured by a
Brother, Alex Rainer had received a red card (for questionable reasons), Kyle
Rosenburg had also been injured, and CBHS had evened
the score at 1-1. With four
starters on the bench and playing down a man against a good
CBHS team, things looked
grim for MUS, yet the Owls
continued to fight hard, but
were unable to score again or
stop the Brothers from scoring
two more goals. The Brothers
went on to win the regional
championship 3-1. After the
game, Cody Curtis, Brian
Evans, Kane Alber, and Ryan
Freebing were named to the
MUS Hits Home Run
BY LUKE JENSEN
The 2005 MUS baseball
team had arguably the best season in school history. The team
finished with a 24-12 record
with significant victories over
Millington, Germantown,
Ringgold, and GA. The Owls
beat the Brothers for first time
in thirty-four years and did so
in style, winning at AutoZone
Park. The team also finished
higher in the league than ever
before, placing second. The
team’s success is due in large
part to the leadership from our
six seniors. The support from
the students, the “right field
rowdies,” was tremendous and
is greatly appreciated. The
baseball team’s unfortunate results in the regional tournament
cannot detract from the great
successes and memories of the
year. The team is making a
name for itself in the city, proving we are here to stay.
Regional team, and Cody
Curtis, Brian Evans, David
Shochat, and Ryan Freebing
were named to the Tournament
team.
The Owls hope to get their
injured players back for the
state tournament, where they
will play the second place team
from East Tennessee at Mike
Rose Soccer Complex on
Wednesday May 25 at 6:30
P.M. MUS may not have won
the regional title, but the Owls
could still win yet another State
Championship.
Playoffs
BY OWEN MERCER
The NBA Playoffs have
been exciting as usual. The
Suns swept their series with the
Grizzlies, thoroughly embarrassing the Grizz at home with
a 110-90 victory in Game 3.
The Miami Heat have been on
fire, sweeping both the Wizards
and the Nets, even without the
presence of Shaq in most of
their games. The San Antonio
Spurs have also looked strong,
winning their first round series
over Denver 4-1and their second round series over Seattle
4-2. So far, the MVP of the
playoffs has been Dwayne
Wade of the Heat, who has
averaged 28.6 points and 8.4
assists per game. With all the
top seeds still alive, this year’s
playoffs promise to remain exciting. The upcoming conference finals pit the Detroit Pistons against the Heat and the
San Antonio Spurs against the
Phoenix Suns. Excitement will
fill these series, as any one of
these teams could take home
the NBA title.
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Grizzly Implosion Ends Season
BY DEREK STEINER
The Memphis Grizzlies
ended their 2004-2005 season
much like last year’s. They
were swept out of the playoffs
in the first round, only this year
at the hands of the Phoenix
Suns. Although Phoenix finished with the best record in the
NBA, the Grizzlies were expected to compete well because of their strong transition
defense. The Grizz proved their
defense’s worth in the regular
season by splitting an exciting
and competitive four game series with the Suns. The Grizzlies appeared sharp in their
Game 2 loss in Phoenix and
many people believed that they
could pull off a couple victories at home. However, the
organization’s internal problems
came to a head, and the Grizzlies played accordingly.
Coach Mike Fratello decided
to bench Bonzi Wells and
Stromile Swift. Swift was said
to be nursing an injured ankle,
but many people believe his
lackadaisical attitude was the
reason for his benching. Wells
was benched because of his
poor effort in practice and his
conduct towards the coaching
staff, and he was even banned
from entering the FedExForum
in Game 4. Wells claimed that
Fratello didn’t like him, but
Fratello said that Wells was
putting his individual goals in
front of the team goals. The
Fratello-Wells feud and feuds
involving point guard Jason
Williams and the media closed
a season that was almost a
complete opposite of last
years’ magical 50-win season.
The 2004-2005 season saw
the resignation of legendary
coach Hubie Brown, the passing of beloved announcer Don
Poier, and the chronic injuries
of the two players that Jerry
West coined “untouchable” last
offseason, James Posey and
Pau Gasol.
The Grizzlies will have a
busy summer correcting their
internal problems, creating a
team to win playoff games, and
trying to clear salary cap room.
Stromile Swift will be a free
agent this summer and will
most likely not be paid what he
wants from the Grizzlies.
Swift’s most probable destinations include New Orleans,
Atlanta, and New Jersey.
Backup point guard Earl
Watson is also a free agent and
will most likely receive a contract too expensive for the
Photo Courtesy of
Sports.Sina.com
Out with the old, in with the new
Grizz to compete with. The
Grizz will certainly not pick up
Bonzi Wells’s one-year, $8 million team option because of his
recent conduct. Look for the
Grizzlies to package Wells or
Williams with some draft picks
in order to clear cap room and
cure internal problems. Watson
and Swift might agree to cooperate with a sign-and-trade,
which will allow the Grizz to
sign a player another team
wants, then trade that player in
return for a player they desire.
Do not be surprised if Williams
is not traded because he is a
proven talent in the NBA. The
departure of Watson would
secure Williams’s job, and this
job security could help subside
his sometimes selfish and negative attitude. Potential free
agents the Grizz could sign include Seattle guard Ray Allen,
Denver forward Nene’, or
Philadelphia center Samuel
Dalembert. Allen is a proven
superstar, a player the Grizz still
lack, but in order to obtain
Allen and afford his big contract, they will surely have to
do a sign in trade with highly
paid players like Mike Miller
or Brian Cardinal. Many of Pau
Gasol’s critics appropriately
complain that he does not play
strong enough and shies away
from contact. Nene’ and
Dalmebert would allow
Gasol’s finesse game to flourish because they bang bodies
and play physically on both
ends of the floor. The Grizzlies’
president of basketball operations, Jerry West, has a big
summer ahead of him, and
surely the fans will never see
the pieces of the magical 50win team together again.
Amsler Smacks Down
BY REID WESSON
One of the best things about
MUS is the relationship that the
teachers have with the students.
Often a teacher will go out to
lunch or dinner with his or her
students or might even engage
in a student-faculty athletic
event. And while most students
at MUS can say that they have
developed a good relationship
with at least one of the teachers, how many students can say
that they have been to WWE
SMACKDOWN! with two
members of MUS’s distinguished faculty? On Tuesday,
March 22, World Wrestling
Entertainment’s
SMACKDOWN! invaded the
FedEx Forum and put on a fantastic show in front of more than
fourteen thousand fans. Four
fans lucky enough to obtain
tickets to the event were MUS
juniors Mason George, myself,
Reid Wesson, along with Mr.
Shaun Gehres and Mr. Guy
Amsler of the MUS history
department.
The night began with Mr.
Amsler, in typical fashion,
about twenty minutes off
schedule. However, even with
the Amsler delay, we were able
to get to our seats in plenty of
time to catch every thrilling
minute of action. While watching the show, I think even Mr.
Amsler, who was wearing
jeans and a polo shirt, felt a little
over-dressed because he
wasn’t sporting a three-footlong mullet (yes, we did see
one) or one of those “stunning”
Stone Cold Steve Austin tshirts.
To get the attention of the
other MUS students present,
Coach Gehres, Mason, and I
began to chant loudly: “Amsler!
Courtesy of
WrestlingInformer.net
Rey Mysterio shows off his
tremendous pecks
Amsler! Amsler!” We were
successful in getting a response
from a group of MUS seniors
who immediately held up their
“Amsler 3:16” signs and
chanted back at President
Bush’s biggest fan. The night
ended at 11 PM—only three
and a half hours after it had
begun. And while the night may
have lasted even longer than
one of Mr. Amsler’s American
History lectures, it was an
awesome experience.
Having spent over three
hours with Guy Amsler outside
of the classroom, I figured that
I would leave you with a few
quotations from the night when
the WWE laid the
SMACKDOWN on Memphis.
- “Hair! Hair! She’s
cheatin’, ref! She’s gotter by
the hair!”
- “Oh, come on ref! He
can’t cheat for more than three
seconds or he’s DQed!”
- “Mason. You’re not old
enough to be lookin’ at that
WWE Diva. Give me the binoculars, and I’ll check her out
for ya!”
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Track Brings Home Title Without Breaking a Sweat
BY WILL PICKENS
So far this season the MUS
track team has performed well
as usual. The Owls started off
the 2005 season by taking fifth
in the local Jamboree. They
also placed second in the
Harding Invitational Relay
meet and twelfth in the
Germantown Invitational. In
addition to these major meets,
the Owls have competed in
several dual meets, handily defeating Briarcrest, St. Benedict,
ECS, and Lausanne.
Senior captains J.D.
Lawhorn and Walker Pritchard
led the sprinters with help from
freshman Kris Rhymes, sophomores Drew Alston, Miles
Bryant, Adam Fussell, Lee
Moore, and Clement
Oigbokie, and juniors Phillipe
Blais, Hugh Francis, and Devin
Owens. Owens recently
placed first in the regional decathlon while Alston finished
third. The distance runners
were led by junior Donald
McClure and have
also seen very strong
showings from freshman Josh Viera,
sophomores
Stephen Counce,
Ken Haltom, and
Andrew Jehl, and
juniors
Matt
Dowling and Oliver
Green.
The track team
competed in the Regional Meet this past
weekend and made
Walker Pritchard
earned 2nd place
in two races
a tremendous
showing by winning the meet for
the first time since
2002. While each
athlete performed
well, several individuals qualified
for the state meet
by placing first or
second in their
events. Pritchard
finished second in
the 100 and 200,
Moore placed
second in the 300-meter
hurdles, Andrew Gordon
earned second in the shot put,
Owens finished first in the long
jump and second in the triple
jump, McClure took first in the
3200, and Haltom brought in
second in the 3200 and first in
the 1600 and 800. Thanks to
hours of training and hard
work, the MUS track team has
returned the Regional title to its
rightful place at MUS.
Lower School Sports: Season Summary
8-2. In the championship year, the Owls brought the
game, the Owls met the St. championship trophy home to
George’s/Houston team. In MUS.
The Lower School track
You Upper Schoolers many dominant fashion, MUS
not know this, but the Lower tromped over the opposition, team also won their city chamSchool does, in fact, have 15-0. For the fifteenth straight pionship this season. After
sports teams. Each of our
teams has been very successful this season. The following
are recaps of Lower School
sports teams’ seasons.
Lower School lacrosse had
a very successful season. Led
by attacker David Popwell,
goalie Robb Harrison,
defenseman John Rutledge,
and attacker John Carson, the
8th grade team began their season well. The 7th grade team
found strength in Franklin and
Harrison Martin, Cameron
Crawford, and Peter Rainer.
After several successful games
as separate 7th and 8th grade
teams, a Tournament Team was
formed with a combination of
7th and 8th graders. After valuable trips to Chattanooga to
face difficult teams, the Tournament Team moved into the
City Championship. In the
semifinals, the Owls dealt with
Lower School lacrosse had another outstanding year
the Saints easily, defeating them
BY KIMBROUGH TAYLOR AND
JIMMY BALL
dominating their regular season
meets without a loss, the Owls
came into the championship
meet feeling confident. Despite
a terrific showing by league rival ECS, MUS pulled out a
victory with a score of 139 to
125. Robert Tipton won both
the 1600 and the 800 on his
way to the Dan Griffin Outstanding Male Athlete award.
Will Benton won the 100meter hurdles, Michael Folk
won the 100-meter dash, Jared
Davis took first in the high jump,
and every MUS relay team
won its respective race.
The 8th grade soccer team
had a great season as they finished second place in their
league. Captains Rahul Kumar
and Zeno Mercer led the team
into the Shelby League Tournament where they defeated
Briarcrest in an exciting PK
shootout. In the finals, MUS
fought St. George’s with great
spirit but could not pull out the
victory. The 7th grade team had
a fine season but also lost to
St. George’s in the tournament.
In the tradition of MUS tennis, the Lower School team had
another excellent season. Several players played exceptionally well including, Walt
Wepfer, who finished second
in the singles tournament. The
doubles tournament resulted in
an all-MUS final with Cliff
Guyton and Will Nease defeating Evan Mah and Michael
Brennan. As expected, MUS
tennis continues to dominate.
Both Lower School baseball teams displayed great effort and class in their performances. The 8th grade team
had a rough season as they
struggled to find enough players to be successful. Meanwhile, the 7th grade team had
an incredible season while going undefeated. Drew Pierotti,
Gray Manhein, and Matt Williams helped lead this team to
this fine record.
As in years past, this
spring’s Lower School athletics have been extremely successful and have brought pride
to the school. In future years,
these fine athletes will lead the
varsity teams of the Upper
School.
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Locker Room Lockups
BY WILL MAYS
Theft, despite its contradiction to our Honor Code, has
continued to be a problem for
MUS students this year. Although the school has taken
numerous measures to help
keep theft at bay, such as security cameras, a guardhouse,
and even, in one instance, a hidden camera, it has continued to
plague our athletes and PE students. Todd Snowden’s locker
rooms have seemed to become a commonplace for missing articles of anything from
clothing, to money, to even
such valuables as watches and
iPod’s. Furthermore, this year
has seen numerous Chapel announcements concerning these
instances, and almost every
one of them has been anchored
by the message of locking your
stuff up, which makes perfect
sense because you can’t lose
your valuables if your lock is
there to ward off the lockerroom plunderers.
Theft is not always the reason for the missing items, and
it is certainly the owner’s fault
for not securing his property,
but shouldn’t we, according to
our Honor Code, be able to
have the satisfaction of knowing that our stuff will be there
when we get back from whatever activity we’re doing? In a
matter of words, yes: our
Honor Code clearly states that
lying, cheating, or stealing is an
Honor Code offense, and getting caught in the act will launch
an investigation conducted by
the Honor Council. After the
investigation, the person caught
in the act will face the penalty
assigned by the Honor Coun-
Frist Fights Filibuster
cil, whether it be a “slap on the
wrist,” a suspension, or even
expulsion. Of course we, and
our peers, must follow the
Code, so that it will work to its
full potential, but what happens
when our own are caught stealing? Well, as Mr. Haguewood
made very apparent in the
Monday, May 9 Chapel, if any
student of MUS is caught
stealing money, he will no longer
be among us. Some may consider this a stern action, but in
reality, this school should be
theft free according to our
Honor Code, so anyone caught
misrepresenting what an MUS
student should be must face
the fitting penalty, which is expulsion. Now that theft has
been put under the Zero Tolerance category, we should
begin to see it diminish within
the MUS community.
BY PAUL YACOUBIAN
Ah yes, the filibuster. Some
regard it as a ploy by the minority, and others regard it as
a sacred part of the constitution. First of all, what the heck
is it? The word “filibuster”
originates from Portuguese Pirates, “Filibusteros” of the eighteenth century, who held ships
hostage for large ransoms. In
a similar fashion, American
politics has defined it as the use
of an extended debate in the
Senate in order to prevent a
vote. Typically used by the minority party, the filibuster allows
the party to delay the vote in
order to lobby for more votes
when it is clear that there are
not enough.
The filibuster has been jolted
back into the national spectrum
this week. Congress is review-
ing President Bush’s federal judicial appointments, and the
Senate has resorted to partisanship once again. This year’s
appointments have been scrutinized extensively by all
Democrats—and even some
Republicans, much to the
distain of Republican Senate
Majority Leader from Tennessee Bill Frist. Frist is appalled
that some of his own Republican senators are filibustering for
more time to make educated
decisions concerning this
country’s judicial appointees.
He is now in the process of
lobbying for a Constitutional
Amendment to limit time in the
Senate for judicial appointments, effectively eliminating
the needed time to review the
judges.
I thought that the role of the
CONTINUED ON PAGE 10
Martians Shouldn’t Be a Priority
BY PETER TRAVIS
It has now been well over a
year since President Bush announced the Vision for Space
Exploration, an ambitious program designed to give NASA
an exciting new focus on human (not just robotic) exploration of space. However glorious that may sound, the goals
that have been set may not be
worth the money needed to
support the project. NASA’s
courtesy of FPSoftLab.com
initial cost estimate for the first
fifteen years of the new exploration, which includes plans to
have astronauts on the moon
by the year 2020 and on Mars
at some time after that, is $100
billion. However, a report released by the Congressional
Budget Office showed that in
the past NASA has underestimated project costs on average by 45%. Therefore, the
most accurate estimate for the
cost of NASA’s vision would
be almost $150 billion.
Noting with regret that the
cost to benefit ratio of past
space endeavors is extremely
high, one can easily see that
when money is thrown into the
space program is literally
thrown into space. Perhaps the
money could be better spent
on Earth for the good of
people in our lifetime. For an idealistic approach, the
money could be
used in order to
make huge advancements in the
search for an AIDS
vaccine or to relieve
poverty both domestically and internationally. I believe
that the money could
be better spent towards the much
underfunded education system. I think
it is necessary that
we invest more in
our people than in
unnecessary curiosities.
NASA is a program that has al-
lowed us to reveal the craters
of the moon to human eyes. It
has informed us of what material makes up distant stars and
planets, not to mention the
foam that makes a better mattress. In the years of space exploration, there have been
countless failures and multiple
fatalities. The question is, is it
worth spending tax payer
money on a program that only
works part time in giving the
average person useless information? However, in the end,
our government will have to
decide whether they want to
support improving the wellbeing of our planet or getting a
few astronauts to walk on a big
red rock.
Marvin wonders why we’re invading
his planet
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Prank Stank
BY JIM CARTER
“Who let the dogs out?” I
wondered while waltzing up to
my homeroom adjacent to the
courtyard. Except replace
“dogs” with “goats” and “who
let the” with “who kept the” and
“out” with “in the courtyard.”
Because I had arrived late, I
only had time to look at this
small portion of the senior
prank. That was about as good
as it got. As soon as I got to
my first class, I asked my friend
and fellow Varsity P.E. athlete
Bryan Eder what he thought of
the prank. “It was all right,” he
said, “except the fish and taking people’s stuff out of lockers. That sucked.” This left me
rather confused. “What other
stuff was there, other than a
couple of goats and rolling the
campus?” I was forced to ask.
“Ummm…” he quickly retorted. Reviewing the parts of
the senior prank, I contracted
a severe case of manic depression and looked for a rope and
a tree. To be frank, it was unoriginal and uninspired. Putting
fish into somebody’s shoes
does not constitute a prank in
my book. Looking back to the
days of old, I bet somebody
can remember a day of good
pranks. I bet one of these men
is named Mr. Eikner. Because
I heard this story over 2 years
ago, I will not use quotation
marks for fear of butchering
Flip’s eloquence, but the story
goes as such:
A while ago, when they
stopped using “Big Boy” as the
mascot for Shoney’s, a certain
senior knew the manager of all
the Memphis Shoney’s restaurants. This senior used his connections and got all of the Big
Boys and placed them over
campus. All of the statues were
picked up by a hired crew before the day was out, so there
was no clean-up involved, and
were seen, in the words of Mr.
Eikner as a “‘Thank You,’ as
opposed to a ‘Something Else
You.’”
Not that I expect that next
year’s prank will be much better. That is, of course, unless
we do what we’re planning on
doing.
FILIBUSTER
CONTINUED FROM PAGE 9
Senate was to make informed
decisions based on intent scrutiny of the subject at hand. In
the event that time is limited, the
Senate would only have a few
days to review more than
twenty judicial appointees. The
Senate should be a place for
deliberate thought given with
great consideration, especially
when deciding who should be
at the forefront of the American legal system.
I think it’s a little hypocritical for Frist to be outraged by
the Democrats’ attempt to
block some of Bush’s appointees, when the Republicans
blocked more than five of
Clinton’s less than a decade
ago.
The shortening of the decision-making process undermines the minority powers in
Congress. Of course the Republican Majority would like to
see their Democratic rivals
without say in the legislature,
but this outlook is short-sighted,
since the Republican party will
eventually lose control of Congress, and then they will be the
minority. The purpose of unlimited time is to ensure that decisions are not made without due
consideration.
By Zach Glover
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Benedict XVI: A New Pope
BY CHRISTOPHER THOMAS
There was unexpectedly
little debate as to who would
succeed John Paul II. In relatively short time, church officials quickly declared Cardinal
Joseph Ratzinger as Paul’s successor, and he became
Benedict XVI, the 265th pope.
The quick selection of this particular cardinal affirms the
church’s conservative theological stance and could indicate
the church’s aims in the near
future. These include addressing the scandals involving
sexual misconduct in North
America and Europe as well as
the continued jading of the First
World’s Catholics.
As a German Catholic and
a man capable of dealing with
the allegations of sexual abuse,
Benedict XVI will probably
fulfill his most immediate duties
masterfully. In electing
Benedict, the cardinals elected
one of their own who is of the
same theological position as
John Paul II. However, this
was to be expected since the
former pope himself had chosen most of the cardinals eligible for voting. With the selection of Benedict, the church
seems to have overlooked the
problems of Catholicism in
Latin America, where bishops
continually call for theological
reform and there is an increasing movement into protestant
churches. Yet this continuance
of conservatism has been met
with general approval from the
growing number of Catholics
in Asia and Africa, where conservatism is largely welcomed.
Though there is less demand
for conservatism in North
America and Europe, the
church was right to stay true to
the faith.
the grounds that it has no reliRecently, the church has gious precedent and is not benbeen considered to be conser- eficial in the raising of a family,
vative for its stance against because the church also opmany popular issues, such as poses gay adoption. Although
abortion, birth control, and gay most Catholics in Latin
marriage. The church has America, Asia, and Africa aptaken a pro-life stance that plaud the church’s stance,
condemns abortion, war, the many have attacked it. Howdeath penalty, and euthanasia. ever, the church is a religious
In a religion which espouses institution itself, and as such its
the sanctity of human life, the members should follow its bechurch cannot afford to make liefs rather than having the
exceptions simply because church’s beliefs follow its memmany secularist ideas have bers. In the end the new pope,
pervaded throughout the west. Benedict XVI, is the right
In Latin America, though, choice for most of the church’s
there have been several bish- current temporal problems and
ops and other church officials its larger ones as well. And it
calling for the end of the should be noted as well that in
church’s hostile stance to con- electing a seventy-eight-yeartraception because of the old pope, the college of cardispread of AIDS and the in- nals are most likely not plancrease of children born out of ning on another twenty-six year
wedlock. But it is worth re- papal reign, thus allowing the
membering that the church also church to adapt to its other
believes in abstinence until problems in due time.
marriage and marital fidelity,
which in itself would prevent
any such problems if
they were practiced
as faithfully as expected.
And finally, one of
the ultimate secularist
affronts to the church
is also a source of
conflict: gay marriage.
The church has recently spoken against
the possible legal recognition of gay marriage in North
America, its increasing prevalence in Europe, and its presence
in France as a form of
civil-union called
Photo Courtesy of
VaticanPhoto.li
PACS. The church,
Joseph
Ratzinger
named Pope
which views marriage
Benedict XVI
as a sacrament, opposes gay marriage on
Editors’ Note
BY FRANK JEMISON AND
WALTER KLYCE
2004-2005 has been an
exciting school year for all of
us. As the lazy heat of summer
begins to set in, it’s nice to look
back on the past few months
and remember how much we
accomplished—we’ve certainly earned our long break.
However, even as the year
comes to a close and the seniors depart, the halls are already afire with anticipation of
next year’s possibilities. Although the class of ’05 set a
high standard of excellence, our
student body is certainly up to
the challenge.
We are both grateful and
eager to be the new editors of
the Owl’s Hoot. Clint and Andrew did a wonderful job of
making the papers regular and
diverse; we intend to continue
releasing issues of the paper on
a monthly basis, in addition to
Homecoming inserts and the
like. But since this is the Hoot’s
fiftieth year, we’re hoping to
bring new direction to the paper as well. Being a student
publication, the paper needs to
cater to the interests of the entire student body, not just the
editors or staff. Thus, in the future, we hope to include articles
that will appeal to the entire
MUS community (including the
Lower School). In past years,
section editors have essentially
dominated their respective sec-
tions by simply writing all of the
articles for that section, so that
the paper represents a small
group of individuals, rather than
all of MUS. Next year, we
hope to have numerous students from every grade writing about the things that matter
to them.
We also are hoping to add
some more vitality to the paper. Although world news and
national news are important, it’s
impossible for us to cover them
adequately when competing
with the modern media. We will
continue to keep the students
updated on these topics as best
we can, but from now on, the
news we’re most interested in
is school news. We also plan
to put more pictures in next
year’s paper and run more ads,
so that we’ll have more expenses for longer papers and
color pages.
However, it’s impossible for
us, on our own, to know what
everyone wants to hear: the
best way to improve the paper
is to tell us what YOU want.
Feel free to approach us about
an article you want to write, or
email us (at our school accounts) about an idea you
have. Tell us what you like,
what you don’t like, and what
you want to see. We are willing to work hard to make the
paper the best it can be, but
the only way for the Hoot to
flourish is if you, the readers,
invest yourselves in it as well.
The Publications
Office’s scanner
provides hours of
entertainment.
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Tooth and Nail
BY WILSON CASTLEMAN
After an amazing six-year
gestation period, burdened
with extraordinarily high expectations, Nine Inch Nails, the
creative vehicle of music mastermind Trent Reznor, has unveiled With Teeth, his fourth
full-length studio album in
nearly sixteen years. Being
seemingly the band’s biggest
fan, I was obligated to pick it
up and start listening immediately after it hit stores on May
5.
While Reznor has managed
to reinvent himself on nearly
every record, this one is probably more similar to its predecessor than any others. With
Teeth is essentially a more focused, song-oriented version of
Nine Inch Nails’ last album,
1999’s The Fragile. Like The
Fragile, With Teeth has a lot
of mellow moments and is
overall a more relaxed, atmospheric album. Not to say that
there aren’t exceptions, such
as the extremely aggressive
“You Know What You Are?”
whose fast drum beats and
loud distorted guitars call back
to the sound of their 1992 EP
Broken. A first for the band,
though, is the intentionally lo-fi
sound of the first single, “The
Hand That Feeds.” A song
greatly reminiscent of the
band’s first album, 1989’s
Pretty Hate Machine, it was
the obvious choice for a single,
with a catchy chorus and infectious bass line. Don’t be fooled
though—the rest of the album
is pristine in production quality. A great example of this is in
the ambient, synth-rich “Beside
You In Time,” one of my favorites on the album. The industrial sounds of The Down-
Farrell’s Summer Flicks
BY FARRELL VARNER
Photo Courtesy of NIN.com
The cover of the album
ward Spiral, are back, too,
this time in songs like “The Line
Begins to Blur” and the haunting title track. Another aspect
of this album I’ve come to love
is the generous amounts of piano, which in songs like “The
Collector” and the beautiful
“Right Where It Belongs” offer a light but effective atmospheric tool. One of my personal favorite songs from With
Teeth is “Every Day is Exactly
the Same”, which begins with
an ethereal, airy piano and
builds into a great, epic wallof-sound chorus, which is
prominent on several songs on
the album.
While all of the songs on
this record are good, there
aren’t any that stand out as
much as their classics. However, Reznor manages to employ several new techniques
and styles while still keeping the
definitive Nine Inch Nails
sound. Overall, With Teeth is
an excellent album that doesn’t
disappoint. This record not
only makes a great introduction to one of the greatest
bands of our time, but also is
sure to please fans of their
older material.
Wilson gives this album
4.5 out of 5 buzzards.
of you that find yourself in the
same situation. This list includes:
Foreign:
8½ – Italian cinematography at
its finest, brought to you
Federico Fellini. If you enjoyed
this one, check out Amarcord.
The Seven Samurai – The
best movie I’ve ever seen in my
life. If there’s only one movie
you see on this list, let this be
it. If you enjoyed this, see anything by Kurosawa; it’s all wonderful.
Mystery:
The Third Man – A great mystery with Orson Welles about
a pulp writer who arrives in
post-war Vienna to find that his
best friend has died in a “car
accident.”
Rear Window – Alfred
Hitchcock’s masterfully done
portrait of a wheelchair-bound
James Stewart, who thinks he
has seen a murder unfold in his
apartment complex.
Memento – A classic among
modern American mystery
movies.
Diabolique – A dark French
mystery, the best of its kind.
War:
Sands of Iwo Jima – The
gritty John Wayne WWII story
Between the new episodes
of the capture of Mt.
of Family Guy, summer vacaSuribachi.
tions, and that summer job you
Barry Lyndon – A glorious
(may) have, you might actually
story of an Irishman trying to
find some free time during your
make his way through the
disastrously busy summer, durSeven Years’ War, which
ing which you might feel the urge
doesn’t fully unravel until the
to do some movie-going. But
wonderful final line of the
be careful; don’t get distracted
movie.
by the summer collage of new
Paths of Glory – A commenflicks. (Don’t get me wrong,
tary on the insanity of the genthere are some good ones out
erals of WWI: another Kubrick
there, but they’re few and far
war classic.
between.) Though terminating
Full Metal Jacket –With natrilogies may be entertaining,
palm and Mickey Mouse,
they’re nothing like the classics,
Kubrick yet again comments
both old and new.
on the aspects of war.
Take a trip down to your
Comedy:
local video store and feed the
Fargo – The Coen Brothers’
hunger you have for great cintwisted and hilarious comedy
ematography. (Hopefully this
is one of the best out there. If
store won’t be Blockbuster,
you enjoyed this, check out
for they seriously lack in variThe Big Lebowski.
ety.) I know that every time I
Dr. Strangelove or How I
go to the video store, I always
Learned to Stop Worrying
have the horrible dilemma of
and Love the Bomb – A satwhich movies to choose. I
ire of Russo-American relaknow I’m not the only one to
tions during the Cold War.
have this problem, so I have
Some Like it Hot – Tony
come up with a list to help alCurtis and Jack Lemmon
leviate this dilemma, for those
make for the funniest of situations.
Drama:
Citizen Kane- The American
classic. Defined by some as the
greatest American movie ever
made, and I’m not arguing.
Magnolia – With an all-star
cast, the “frog” drama is very
enjoyable.
The Maltese Falcon – The
quintessential detective drama.
A must see for everyone.
High & Low – Kurosawa’s
wonderful portrait of a man
who, through a kidnapping, has
gone from the highest point to
Photo Courtesy of Filmz.dk
Peter Seller’s Dr. Strangelove is one of cinema’s classic the lowest in a matter of time.
characters
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Back to the Future
BY CHRIS MCDONALD
Mark—and don’t miss—
this date: May 7, 2005, a day
of profound importance, an
occasion of mind-blowing magnitude, a conference of such
consequence, it will change
your life forever.
Now you must be wondering why I’m looking forward to
this exciting event after it has
already occurred! Well, this
was no ordinary event. This
was the occasion of the world’s
first Time Traveler Convention, and if you missed it the
first time around, as any H.G.
Wells fan can tell you, where
time traveling’s concerned, you
can always return from the future.
Organized by Amal Dorai,
a student at MIT, home of the
self-proclaimed ubernerds, the
convention was billed as “one
of the biggest events in human
history”….and would have
been, had any time travelers
actually shown up. Despite a
publicity blitz that caught the
attention of even mainstream
media like NBC and the New
York Times, hoped-for
‘chrononauts’ were in short
supply. Maybe proof of timeresidency was too daunting;
the Associated Press reports
that Dorai announced he would
ask “his guests to show proof
they came from the future:
Bringing the cure for cancer, a
solution for global poverty, or
a cold fusion reactor would
suffice.” Well then. What’s so
hard about that? It’s not
enough to have conquered time
travel. Solving all of the world’s
problems was all they needed
to get through the door.
Getting through the door
proved equally difficult for
present-dwelling enthusiasts,
as well. Due to an overwhelming response, the convention
was filled to capacity well in
advance and without that cure
for cancer, no last-minute
arrivees were granted admission. Real-time VIPs speaking
to those who RSVP’d on time,
however, included two MIT
professors of Physics and one
MIT professor of Electrical
Engineering and Computer
Science, all of whom lectured
on the near-impossibility of
time travel, but secretly thrilled
by the idea.
When asked by the press
to explain the missing guests of
honor, Dorai clarified that,
while no confirmed travelers
declared themselves, “many
time travelers could have attended incognito, to avoid endless questions about the future.”
Dorai’s optimism is of such
cosmic proportions that he proclaims his hope that the Time
Traveler Convention could become a “Woodstock-like
event that defines humanity forever.”
Toward that end he asks
time travelin’ fans everywhere
to support the cause by continuously publicizing the May
7th event with handmade flyers
slipped into library and text
books or buried in time capsules. On one last note, Dorai
instructs fans to include MIT’s
latitude and longitude coordinates, just in case the university no longer stands in the future.
Don’t forget: May 7, 2005.
Latitude 42:21:36.025 degrees
North, 71:05:16.332 degrees
West. And don’t forget that
cold fusion reactor. See you
there…
High Times at Tom Lee Park
BY HAYDEN PENDERGRASS
This year’s Beale Street
Music Festival brought out a
plethora of acts from all genres.
From classic Jerry Lee Lewis
to today’s superstars, like
Nelly, this year shaped up to
be one of the best fests yet.
Friday’s top performers included surf-rocker Jack
Johnson and local rapper Yo
Gotti, during whose performance power was lost and
things got a little crazy.
Sunday’s highlights included
performances by Billy Idol and
Elvis Costello.
But Saturday was the day
to be there, and I was, for ten
hours filled with amazing performances. I started the day at
2:30 PM with a wake-up call
from Breaking Point, a local
foursome that made it big after
93X began giving them
playtime. Though it was early
in the day, their performance
woke up the crowd. Quite
frankly, they rocked. Catch
their new album, released May
17th.
Next up was Jerry Lee
Lewis. Though he seemed
close to death throughout the
performance, Jerry can still
play and crack a joke or two.
He finished with “Great Balls
of Fire,” showing that even
though he has decayed, his talent has not.
Following Lewis were the
Spin Doctors. Having only ever
heard two of their songs, I was
pleasantly surprised by their
performance. Mixing in hits
from their ‘91 multi-platinum
debut CD with some of their
newer, lesser known songs,
their set showcased exactly
why they were one of the few
jam-oriented groups to make
it through the grunge explosion.
After the Spin Doctors was
Collective Soul. Similar to the
Spin Doctors, they had sort of
dropped off the radar screen
after a run of hit singles. They
started with some of their
heavier songs and ended with
old ballads like “Shine” and
“World I Know,” during which
fans broke out their lighters. All
in all, Collective Soul’s performance was one of the best of
the day.
Next up was newcomer
group Crossfade, which blends
heavy rock with turntables.
This worked well on their selftitled debut album last year, but
they were sub par live. It didn’t
help that in the middle of the
set lead singer Ed Sloan asked
the crowd if they were ready
to see The Killers, and, of
course, everyone screamed
yes.
The Killers were the final
performers of the evening, and
rightfully so. They burst onto
the music scene last year with
the release of their breakout
album Hot Fuss. Because the
group had acquired a reputation for bad live performances,
I was a bit skeptical before they
began. However, they seemed
to have taken that criticism to
heart because their set was by
far the best of the day. They
played most of the tracks off
of their album and even debuted some new material that
hasn’t been released yet.
After six bands, ten hours,
and enough second-hand
smoke to last a lifetime, Saturday was finally over. Though it
didn’t attract as many big name
headliners as in years past, this
year’s Music Fest far exceeded expectations. In the ten
hours I was there, I never had
to wonder who to see next, and
that’s what Music Fest is all
about.
Photo Courtesy of MemphisInMay.org
Hayden and his friends gather at Tom Lee Park
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Movie Critic’s Guide to The Hitchhiker’s Guide
BY ALEXANDER FONES
to achieve. Finally, after eons
of waiting, it is ready. The
The search for life’s ultimate question is reiterated by the
question has been answered. It ancient mechanics: “What is
took the super computer Deep the answer to life and everyThought thousands of millennia thing?” The computer sighs and
replies, “42.”
Silly mishaps and quirky
characters are shadowed by
even weirder situations in the
newly released movie The
Hitchhiker’s Guide to the
Galaxy. Adapted from the
book by Douglas Adams (who
also wrote the screenplay),
Hitchhiker is the strange galactic chronicle of the postearth adventures of hero Arthur
Dent and his alien friend Ford
Photo Courtesy of
Prefect, as they ride through the
IMDb.com
Ford (Mos Def) and
universe, dodging the bizarre
Arthur (Martin
and the ridiculous with the aid
Freeman) hitch a ride
of an eclectic compendium of
knowledge designed for those
who ride the cosmos for free.
The Hitchhiker’s Guide’s advice: bring a towel and don’t
panic.
Unfortunately, this movie
calls for some panic. Those
who are fans of the book probably will not be pleased, as
most of the plot was reinvented
for the film, and most of the non
sequiturs that make the book
hilarious are missing from the
movie. Those who leaped with
glee at the anticipated direction
by Terry Gilliam of Monty Python fame will be disappointed
to find rookie Garth Jennings
instead at the helm.
The casting is a bit off, as
well. Martin Freeman adeptly
portrays Arthur Dent, the British everyman who becomes the
last man of Earth. And the
voice-over talents of Alan
Rickman as Marvin, the paranoid-depressive robot, and
Stephen Fry, the voice of the
Guide, are actually quite funny,
providing a good portion of the
movie’s disappointingly few
laughs. However, the rest of the
cast is lukewarm. Sam
Rockwell, as the rock star/
alien/president of the galaxy
Zaphod Beeblebrox quickly
becomes annoyingly tedious.
One could continue for endless paragraphs, outlining the
shortcomings of the movie,
which is vastly inferior to the
book. But there are some redeeming moments in the film.
The ‘planet factory’ scene is
rather amazing, and the ‘whale
sequence’ genuinely made me
chuckle. However, the majority of the dry British humor has
been turned into slapstick by
Hollywood. Movie-goers who
have not read the book will
smile, think “how cute,” and
likely consider the film a bit too
silly. Those who have read
Adams’s book, though, will
find themselves crying out for
more silliness. But readers will
smile as well, from nostalgia, as
they recall how funny the book
truly is.
Sure, the movie is cute,
somewhat funny, and has some
memorable moments. But it is
not spectacular.
Alexander gives this film
3 out of 5 buzzards.
Microsoft Unveils Next Generation Console: Xbox 360
BY JONATHAN YEUNG
The next generation of video
game consoles has started.
Microsoft has begun the string
of console debuts, with platforms from Sony and Nintendo
due later this month. Among the
mixed crowd of hardcore
gamers and celebrities,
Microsoft unveiled the highly
anticipated Xbox 360, aka
Xbox 2 or Project Xenon, on
a 30-minute MTV special that
aired May 11, 2005. Microsoft
revealed a sleek white machine
with a noticeably large on button. The insides are packed: the
box has the performance of a
computer (Microsoft worked
with IBM to create a CPU with
three 3.2 GHz-cores and also
partnered with ATI Technologies for a 500 MHz graphics
processor). The box also has
an expensive but much needed
512mb of RAM, a feature that
enables more realistic games
and decreased load times. The
Xbox 360 can also play games
in high-definition—so whether
you’re ripping apart a zombie
or totaling your car, it will look
better than ever. And if you
don’t know what most of that
means, just know that the 360
is powerful.
The controllers are also a
drastic improvement from the
original box. While the button
arrangement is largely the
same, the sleeker and lighter
controller is modeled after the
controller S. The platform also
internally supports high performance wireless controllers that
actually work unlike the laggedout Mad Catz junk.
With the 360, Microsoft
sought to attract mainstream
consumers in addition to regular gamers. It can hook up to a
PC with a version of Windows
Media Center so that the consumer can look at videos and
pictures as well as listen to
music on a TV. One can even
plug in an mp3 player directly
into the console; to achieve
these features, all of the connections are standard USB.
The Xbox is also highly
customizable, with optional
upgradeable hard drive (although not many people will
find the 20 gigs lacking) and
customizable faceplates and interface options.
But it all winds down to the
games. Microsoft sought to put
up a strong line of debut games
for the 360, as many complained about the lack of titles
of the original Xbox. The results are promising: launch
games include Quake 4,
Project Gotham Racing 3, another Need for Speed, a third
Ghost Recon, and last but not
least, Perfect Dark Zero, the
first sequel to the legendary
N64 game. There was even a
rumor of Halo 3, but seeing the
delays on Halo 2 I certainly
wouldn’t count on it for the
starting lineup.
Microsoft is taking a large
risk with the 360; the video
game sector of Microsoft will
be a deciding factor of
Microsoft’s future. Bill
Gates and his crew
plan to build on what
it started with the
original Xbox, and so
far the 360 looks like
a good move. The
Xbox 360 is a very
strong showing for
Microsoft, and Sony
will have to come out
strong to match it with
its PS3. The Xbox
360 will come out in
time for the holiday
Photo Courtesy of Wired News
Xbox 360 has a sleek new
season of this year.
design
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The Force Is Strong with This One
BY PETER ZANCA
George Lucas finally figured it out. It took him three
movies, millions of dollars,
hours of film, and infinite special effects, but he finally remembered how to reach an
audience. The third installation
of George Lucas’s Star Wars
hits the nail on the head. After
two disasters in The Phantom
Menace and The Attack of
the Clones, The Revenge of
the Sith really connects with
the audience in a way that
makes it okay to be a Star
Wars fan again. Although the
film exhibits a number of major flaws, it bridges the gap between the first and second trilogies extremely well. In addition,
Revenge hits the audience
deep in the chest with a story
laced with betrayal, revenge,
and death.
Of course, one hotly debated topic about Revenge of
the Sith is its PG-13 rating. Can
a Star Wars film really merit
PG-13? Have the devoted
young fans of Star Wars truly
been shut off? With the continuous violence in this film, the
answer is undoubtedly yes. The
scenes of violence include dismemberments (at least three
people have their hands sliced
off), two characters’ going up
in flames, countless others’ being blasted to death, and one
decapitation. Also, the audience
gets to experience the lovely
process by which the Emperor
becomes disfigured. However,
in a stylish effort, there is no
blood or gore to accentuate the
violence.
The violence wasn’t the only
obscene element of Revenge.
Like its two predecessors, Revenge falls victim to George
Lucas’s awful screenwriting
abilities (or lack there of). Prior
to The Phantom Menace,
Lucas had only written three
major screenplays in his career:
THX1138, A New Hope, and
part of The Return of the Jedi.
The rest of Lucas’s writing career has simply been creating
stories. Star Wars, from Episode I to VI, is a fantastic story.
In the original trilogy’s sequels,
Lucas delegated the screenplay
to Lawrence Kasden and
Leigh Brackett, who were responsible for Han Solo’s clever
quips and Darth Vader’s ruthless orders. However, when
the new trilogy began, Lucas
took it upon himself to adapt
his story for the screen. As a
result, talented actors—such as
Ewan McGregor, Natalie
Portman, Liam Neeson, Frank
Oz, and Ian McDiarmid—are
left with very little script to
work with. Portman’s scenes
with Hayden Christensen are
about as thick as the paper
you’re reading with a small
fraction of the content.
Another problem with Revenge (and the new trilogy in
general) is that there is too
much happening on screen.
With the advent of special effects, battle scenes become
convoluted and confusing.
Whereas the large battles in the
old trilogy were exciting and
fun, Revenge’s space battles
have too many ships to focus
on anything special. Even oneon-one fight scenes are computer-generated and not nearly
as believable. At some points,
the special effects become so
heavy that the film almost becomes Lord of the Rings in
Space.
Despite these issues (and
Hayden Christensen’s complete lack of talent), Revenge
of the Sith is an entertaining
film on many levels. Even with
its awful dialogue, the story is
amazing and keeps the audience captivated. There is
plenty of deception, corruption, suffering, and betrayal to
go around. On the action side,
the audience’s adrenaline is always flowing thanks to numerous lightsaber battles. Also, the
film answers many questions
such as what happens to
Anakin, what Padmé’s fate is,
how Palpatine becomes the
Emperor, and who starts the
Rebellion.
Ewan McGregor heads up
the cast in his return as Jedi
Master Obi-Wan Kenobi.
McGregor, modeling his performance after Sir Alec
Guiness, gives an enormous
performance. His finals scenes
with Anakin are unique: such
depth is uncommon in Star
Wars films. Opposite of
McGregor is Hayden
Christensen, George Lucas’s
golden boy. Christensen, who
couldn’t act his way out of a
paper bag in Attack of the
Clones, shows some improvement from his Episode II debut; however, Christensen sim-
Photo Courtesy of IMDb.com
Obi-wan (Ewan McGregor) and Anakin (Hayden Christensen) prepare to slice up some droids
ply does not have enough talent to fill the role of Anakin
Skywalker. Skywalker is a
character of great depth and inner struggle. Christensen can
only reflect his character’s
emotions with pouting and
Lucas’s poor dialogue. Natalie
Portman returns as Padmé
Amidala. Unfortunately,
Amidala is turned into
Skywalker’s housewife and
constricted to very few scenes.
As a result, Portman is not allowed to display her talents until
the last scenes of the film. Christopher Lee gives a brief but
enjoyable performance as
Count Dooku while Samuel L.
Jackson is himself as Mace
Windu. Frank Oz performs
brilliantly as the voice of Yoda.
Ian McDiarmid makes a somewhat disappointing showing as
the Emperor (Palpatine). Often the bad guy is the best character and, thus, the best performance, but in this film,
McDiarmid did not show up to
play.
Despite its flaws, Revenge
of the Sith is a film that George
Lucas can be proud of. Although it will not draw the family audience, Revenge will be
a successful film that balances
out the failures of its two predecessors. The Phantom
Menace was far too familyfriendly to be a good film. Attack of the Clones lacked the
clarity and drama of Star Wars
films. Revenge of the Sith
combines action with drama in
the proper manner and returns
balance to the force—I mean,
Star Wars saga.
Peter gives this film 3.5
out of 5 buzzards.
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THE CROSSWORD PUZZLE
By Parker Joyner