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Government Club
Update
State Championship
Coverage
Harry Potter
and the Goblet
of Fire
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PAGES 7-10
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BACK TO BACK
MUS 31 - CBHS 27
BY PETER ZANCA
Since the dawn of time, there have
been heated rivalries. Cain and Abel.
Pirates and Ninjas. Capulets and
Montagues. Duke and North Carolina.
Lindsay Lohan and Hillary Duff. Ali and
Frazier. Never to be forgotten amongst
these classics is the blood-deep rivalry
between the Owls of Memphis University School and the Purple Wave of
Christian Brothers High School. Traditionally, these two schools meet once a
year on the gridiron to settle bragging
rights for the following 364 days. Prior
to this season, the Owls and the Purple
Wave had met 24 times. Each season
held one shot at triumph and one opportunity for defeat. There have never
been any shots at redemption. However, such was not the case this year.
After a heartbreaking loss at the
hands of the Brothers on October 7th,
the 2005 football team rekindled its
desire to win. With a locker room covered with signs such as “10-7-05: Never
Forget” and “Murfreesboro 11-1905,” the team dedicated itself to returning
to the state championship game. As
weeks went by, it became more and
more evident that the road to another
state championship would go through
Christian Brothers. After the conclusion
of the regular season, CBHS and MUS
found themselves with the first and second seeds, respectively, in the playoffs.
After both teams won close, highly
competitive contests in the semi-finals,
it was official: MUS and CBHS would
meet in the state championship game in
what could become the greatest game
in Tennessee football history.
Never before had so much been at
stake. Defense of a state title. Redemp-
MEMPHIS UNIVERSITY SCHOOL
6191 PARK AVENUE
MEMPHIS, TN 38119-5399
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MEMPHIS, TN
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tion of the October 7th loss. Bragging
rights for the next half-century (or until
the two teams meet for the state title
again). With hundreds – nay, thousands
– of fans traveling to Floyd Stadium in
Murfreesboro, neither team wanted to
disappoint its faithful. Because most
fans stayed the night in the area, the
outcome of the game would determine
whether there would be parties of celebration or consolation.
Many speculated before the game
that this affair would be a defensive
struggle like the first game of the season. But as the first four possessions of
the game showed, both teams’ offenses
came to play. After a 74-yard drive,
CBHS was the first to draw blood as
senior tailback Henry Harris punched
in a 1-yard touchdown run. However,
senior safety Donnie Malmo kept spirits high as he blocked Austin Cardosi’s
extra point attempt. On MUS’s opening drive, junior quarterback Michael
Park and sophomore halfback Tyler
Massey combined for 43 yards of the
80-yard drive. Massey then put MUS
on the scoreboard with a 3-yard run,
and senior Chad Hazlehurst gave the
Owls the lead with the extra point kick.
Following the start of the second quarter, CBHS recaptured the lead when
junior quarterback John Michael Skin-
ner hit sophomore Dejon Mack for a
23-yard touchdown. The Brothers
made up for the earlier failed PAT with
a two-point conversion, making the
score 14-7. On CBHS’s drive, Skinner proved to be a threat on the ground
as he amassed 44 yards on 4 rushes.
The Owls continued to pound away
at the run on their second drive until
Massey busted out a 64-yard scramble
to the goal line off of a Park screen pass.
Unfortunately, a penalty and a sack held
the Owls out of the endzone. After a
trick pass play came up a few yards
shy of the goal line, Hazlehurst booted
in a 21-yard field goal to make the score
14-10. On the ensuing kickoff, the Owls
capitalized on a CBHS fumble and began their third drive on Christian Brothers’ 17-yard line. After 4 plays, Park
sneaked the ball across the line to reclaim the lead. With the Hazlehurst PAT,
MUS held a 17-14 lead going into halftime.
During the third quarter, Christian
Brothers’ defense showed up as they
forced MUS to punt after two 3-andout situations. Meanwhile, the Purple
Wave offense continued to roll as
CBHS scored on a quick, 5-play drive,
making the score 17-21. Later in the
quarter, the Brothers found the endzone
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Editors-in-Chief
Frank Jemison
Walter Klyce
Dear Aunt Fancy...
Dear Aunt Fancy,
I have a problem that has become
a pain in the neck—literally. It’s the
off-the-collar rule that prohibits long
hair and the “lengths” I have to go to
get around it. Because I like longer
hair, by midway through my monthly
haircut cycle I’m already pushing the
limit. As a result, I have to walk
around with my neck stretched down
and my chin to my chest because I
refuse to buzz it. What’s the dealio?
—Long Hair at Heart
Associate Editor
Peter Zanca
Technical/Layout
Editor
Roger Chu
Cartoonists
Clement Oigbokie
Zach Glover
Parker Joyner
News Editors
Jesse Mahautmr
Asst. Jonathan Yeung
Viewpoints Editors
Paul Yacoubian
Asst. Peter Travis
Sports Editors
Zach Kisber
Asst. David Shochat
Amusements Editors
Chris McDonald
Asst. Byron Tyler
Columnists
Preston Battle
Wilson Castleman
Blake Cowan
Zane Haykal
Farrell Varner
Jeffery Webb
Photographers
Jim Carter
William Harris
Andy Kim
Business Manager
Donald McClure
Faculty Advisor
Mr. N. Thompson
Editors’ note: This issue, Aunt
Fancy was “too busy” to answer her
dear readers, since she was throwing a baby shower for her newly
pregnant niece, Gertrude. We thank
Mr. Akin, who showed great empathy for Emilia’s situation by again
filling in for her, and our congratulations go out to the whole Fancy
family on the conception of their latest addition.
Dear Every Rose Has Its Thorn,
Dealio? What’s yours? If you like
longer hair, get a girlfriend. Though
that may be difficult if your pickup
line involves the word Dealio. And
you seem to be so devoted to your
MUSmullet that all I can offer in the
way of help is a small black Camaro
I’ve been trying to unload since the
mid-’80’s. It’s got a T-top. I’ll throw
in a three-quarter-sleeve Judas Priest
concert Tee on top of it: Heather gray
with black sleeves, from the Screaming for Vengeance Tour. Just your
style. Sweeeeet.
Dear Aunt Fancy,
Last week, in the cafeteria, I constructed one of the most delicious
meals known to man. The catfish,
cornbread, collard greens, and pecan pie were the perfect mixture of
nutrition and scrumptulescentness. All
I needed now was a dash of hot sauce
to top it off. But the coaches wouldn’t
let me borrow some of the infamous
teachers’ sauce. “If we gave you hot
sauce, then we’d have to give everyone some,” they claimed. Well, Aunt
Fancy, how can I get hot sauce without being a nerd who brings his lunch
to school? Or better yet, how can I
become such good friends with the
coaches that they will let me use some
of their condiments? —Sauceless
Flying Saucenerd,
Procure a pullover windbreaker
and some of them tight polyblend
shorts that ride up in all the right
places and approach the table
deadlifting a freshman. Maybe carrry
your keys around on one of those
long fabric straps and let it dangle
from your pocket. Then take it out
and twirl that wad of keys around
while you talk to folks. They’ll welcome you like a long lost brother.
MUSt C Puts Together a Masterpiece
BY ROBERT DUFFLEY
In late October, under the direction
of Mr. Eikner, MUSt C (the MUS Theater Company) put on a spectacular
production of Stephen Sondheim’s Sunday in the Park with George. The first
act of this challenging musical is a window into the life of artist George Seurat
(Walter Klyce) as he completes his famous pointilist painting “A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande
Jatte”; George’s work is complicated,
however, by his tense relationship with
his model and mistress, Dot (Louise
Smythe). Set on the beautiful backdrop
of a sunny, picturesque suburban park,
the motley characters from the painting
stroll about, oblivious to George, who
sketches them all as they go on with
their daily lives. In the second act,
Seurat’s great grandson, who is also
named George, struggles to survive as
a modern artist, discovering that “the
art of making art is putting it together.”
The cast of the show included MUS
actors Walter Klyce, David Minervini,
Danny Travis, Preston Battle, Ed Porter, Hunter Edens, Alexander Fones,
Peter Travis, Robert Duffley, and Brandon Parrish; Hutchison students Louise
Smythe, Katherine Threlkeld, Nicole
Warner, and Jules Jordan; Morgan
Beckford, Mari Earle, Evie Lyras, Caiti
Clark, and Amanda Castroverde of St.
Mary’s; and Houston senior Allison
O’Connor. Every element of the show
was excellent, from the costumes and
amazing musical numbers to the lighting and the exquisite set, both designed
by Mr. Saunders. Of course, the show
could not have happened without its
supportive running crew (Skip Aymett,
Austin Beckford, Samir Sheth, William
Shows, Saba Dilawari, Charlotte Eagle,
and Lane Feller) and tech crew (Roger
Chu and Parker Joyner). According to
Mr. Eikner, the director, Sunday was
the most demanding show that MUS
has ever undertaken, because of the
elaborate technical work and fantastic
singing and acting that it requires; however, both of these difficulties these were
dealt with masterfully. In the end, Sunday was a great success, and the cast
would like to thank everyone who came
out to see it.
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Name’s Bond: James Blond?
BY CHRIS MCDONALD
He’s deadly; he’s suave; he’s mysterious; he’s blond. He’s Bond—a
blond Bond? Yes, the newest actor to
portray the hair-raising hero of Ian
Fleming’s epic adventures is Daniel
Craig, a 37 year-old golden boy from
England, and only the second native to
play the famous part.
Photo Courtesy of TVSquad.com
Daniel Craig threatens to leave
Bond fans shaken, not stirred
The 007 franchise is taking quite a
gamble on their new sandy-haired star,
hoping that he can help them win a royal
flush with the 21st Bond installment,
Casino Royale, and live up to the popularity of his predecessor, Irishman
Pierce Brosnan. After completing Die
Another Day in 2002, Brosnan announced that he would no longer portray the cunning MI-6 agent, citing his
age as an influencing factor in his decision. Brosnan had revived 007’s status
after a weak run by Welshman Timothy Dalton, who took over from Australian George Lazenby, who tried but
failed to fill the shoes of Englishman
Roger Moore, who had replaced the
immensely popular and original Bond,
Scotsman Sean Connery.
Nearly three years of speculation
came to an end with the announcement
of Craig’s identity, and the torch, or
rather license to kill, was dramatically
passed to the newest super-spy, who
was chosen from over 200 contenders, including Clive Owen, Ewan
McGregor, Colin Farrell, Hugh Jackson, and Eric Bana.
However, while Craig’s blond hair
may be light, Director Martin Campbell
says the new star’s Bond film would
“definitely be darker, [have] more character, [and] less gadgets.” Campbell
reports that Casino Royale will explain
how many Bond traditions, like his
Aston Martin and the famous martini,
came to be. Bond’s boss M will return
in the new film, but neither Q nor
Moneypenny will, and the actress to
play the spy chief has still not been announced. Also yet to be revealed, although we can count on an eyeful when
it is, is which female star will play the
newest Bond Girl.
Before judging Craig, let’s examine
his credentials. Since he worked with
Angelina Jolie in 2001’s Tomb Raider,
I’d say he knows how to handle rough
women. In 2003’s Sylvia he showed
his passionate poetic side opposite
Gwyneth Paltrow, proving he’s capable
of the perfectly phrased comeback.
Craig also co-starred with Tom Hanks
in 2002’s Road to Perdition and
played the lead role in 2004’s mafia
epic, Layer Cake. Excellent: Craig not
only knows how to handle the ladies,
he can also handle his piece and has
mastered the art of darkly brooding
glances. Suave bachelor or coldhearted killer, Craig seems to have all
the creds necessary to enter the world
of international espionage. But what
about the personality? The panache?
The attitude?
“[Being selected as Bond] is a sort
of responsibility, but it is also a huge
adventure,” admits Craig, and he adds
that he “had a couple of martinis” when
he learned he got the role.
Daniel Craig has stated that his favorite Bond girl is Diana Rigg in On
Her Majesty’s Secret Service; his favorite Bond is Sean Connery; and his
favorite film Goldfinger. Will we see
those influences in his performance?
That remains to be seen, but with a
budget exceeding $100 million dollars
riding on his performance, he’d best get
used to those martinis. Shaken, not
stirred, of course. He’s in for a wild ride.
Baptist Bites the Dust
BY JONATHAN YEUNG
On November 6, one of Memphis’s
landmark buildings crumbled to the
earth, as thousands gathered to witness
the implosion of the Baptist Memorial
Hospital. Demolitionists packed over
eight hundred pounds of dynamite into
the hospital to bring it down. The implosion of the 21-story building shook
the earth and blew out a few nearby
windows, but it was largely considered
a success.
Baptist Memorial Hospital was
more than just another downtown
building; it was a site rich with history.
The original hospital, built in 1912, was
only a 7-story brick building. Over the
years, additional wings and offices were
added, and in 1956 the hospital was
given its modern look. The hospital was
a pioneer of sorts; it was the first to
have automatic elevators and utilize
computers, and it was also among the
first hospitals to use a CAT-scanner.
The hospital boasted doctors with the
likes of Dr. Robert Miles, who developed a tool to fight blood clots that
eventually helped prevent a potentially
fatal clot in President Nixon. Also working at Baptist Memorial was Dr. Richard Kelly, who led studies on several
diseases including Legionnaire’s disease. Baptist Memorial Hospital has
cultural ties as well, as it was the birthplace of the son of Memphis icon Isaac
Hayes. Not only was this hospital the
site where Elvis was pronounced dead,
but it was also the birthplace of his
daughter. In 1922, the hospital was the
largest privately owned hospital in the
nation, and in its peak years, the hospital had a 98% occupancy rate. However, an eventual decline of patients in
the 1990’s forced the hospital to close.
So what is to become of this heap
of rubble? As soon as the debris is
cleared away, Memphis Bioworks
Foundation will build the UT-Baptist
Research Park. The Research Park will
consist of laboratories and research development facilities that the builders
hope will propel Memphis to a recognized biomedical center. The new building is scheduled to be completed in
about ten years, and is estimated to provide about five thousand jobs and have
an annual economic impact of two billion dollars.
Despite its earlier success and accomplishments, the Baptist Memorial
Hospital had to be cleared for newer
facilities; as they say, out with the old
and in with the new. Losing this historical building is a tragic loss for the city
of Memphis, but, hopefully, the work
done at the new Research Park will
honor the memory of Baptist Memorial.
Photo Courtesy of BMHCC.org
Baptist Memorial Hospital, one of Memphis’s oldest landmarks, goes down
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Model UN Delegates Solve the World’s Problems
BY JESSE MAHAUTMR
Eighty-six MUS students, clad in
coat and tie, gathered outside the school
on a Friday morning at 6 AM, not for
an early morning punishment with
Coach Murphy, but to board the buses
that would take them to downtown
Nashville for the 2005 YMCA Model
United Nations Conference.
Held inside the Hilton Suites, this
annual conference attracts students
from many schools across the state.
This year’s Model UN was the largest
in five years with nearly 700 students in
attendance, each ready to debate important international issues. MUS was
well represented among these ranks,
both as delegates and as conference
officers. Four MUS seniors served in
leadership positions at the Model UN
Conference; Jesse Mahautmr was the
Security Council President, and Shea
Conaway and Frank Jemison both
served as Vice-Presidents of the General Assembly, while Mike Montesi
acted as General Assembly Liaison.
Their duties were manifold, including
such things as maintaining order of 700
high school students, staying up until 2
a.m. to set the docket for the next day,
and, of course, walking around with a
gavel and pretending to look important.
Our four MUS officers were all commended for the excellent job they did
all weekend. Special recognition needs
to be given to Mike Montesi, who was
bought at the Officer Auction (all proceeds going to charity) for around $90;
his total alone doubled the price tag of
fellow officers Shea Conaway and
Frank Jemison combined.
The Model United Nations is divided into three components: the General Assembly, the Security Council,
and the International Court of Justice.
Most students are members of the General Assembly, but fifteen delegates sit
on the smaller, more intense Security
Council, which is the only body of the
UN that can deal with peacekeeping
forces, economic sanctions, and other
means of maintaining international peace
and security. In the completely unbiased
opinion of a past Security Council
President, the Security Council is the
best part of Model UN because of the
topics debated. MUS had one delegate
on the 15-member council this year:
senior Hayden Pendergrass, representing the United States of America. He
excellently represented the USA’s viewpoints in the global arena and certainly
was not afraid to exercise his veto
whenever he deemed it necessary.
However, as stated above, most students were indeed members of the
General Assembly, and thus they followed the usual path on Friday of beginning in Sub-Committee, a debating
room of about thirty people; those
ranked high enough by their peers
moved on to the larger Committee later
that night. Though MUS delegates
were, as always, focused on the debate in their rooms, everyone was
slightly distracted by the MUS semifinal game against Baylor that night. Students were incessantly receiving text
messages with score updates from
those at the game. When the final result
was acknowledged, students could not
help expressing their joy.
On Saturday, the majority of students at Model UN enter the General
Assembly. After around eight hours of
debate throughout the day, delegates
were rewarded with a dance that night.
Though the scheduled theme was “Thrift
Store Mania,” many students arrived
in pirate attire, heavily equipped with
eye patches and bandanas. For some
reason, the pirate theme seemed to envelop the climate of the Model UN conference throughout the weekend, with
much impetus from an anonoymous
MUS student’s attempts to create
“Pirateville,” an underground organization of UN member nations. He apparently had much success, for “yea” votes
in debate were soon replaced with a
reassuring “arrrgh.”
On Sunday, after another couple
hours of debate, the 2005 YMCA
Model UN came to a close. At the closing ceremony, many MUS students received awards for their efforts at the
conference. Two MUS students received Outstanding Delegate awards:
sophomore Roger Chu, representing
the Republic of Malta, and junior Erim
Sarinoglu, representing the Palestinian
Authority. Two MUS delegations also
received recognition for having an Outstanding Resolution in the General Assembly: the Republic of Malta (Roger
Chu, Parker Joyner, and Jack Montgomery) and the Palestinian Authority
(Bill Bell, Wilson Castleman, Erim
Sarinoglu, and Byron Tyler). Also, the
delegation of Saudi Arabia (Hunter
Edens, Alexander Fones, and William
McGehee) received an award for having Outstanding Country Research,
which is mainly in the form of position
papers done weeks in advance of the
conference. Finally, conference officers for next year’s Model UN were
announced, and MUS gained three of
these positions. Sophomore Roger Chu
and junior John Reinhardt will both
serve as Vice-Presidents of the General Assembly, and junior Ashton Fisher
will be the General Assembly Liaison
at the 2006 YMCA Model UN Conference.
I would like to thank Dr. Dalle and
Mr. and Mrs. Broadaway, who sacrificed their time to serve as faculty chaperones for the weekend. Also, of
course, a special thank you needs to
be given to the Government Club’s tireless faculty advisor Mr. Amsler, for
without him this organization would not
have nearly the same amount of success it receives under his leadership.
BY PRESTON BATTLE AND ERIM
SARINOGLU
neys-at-law (captained by Walter
Klyce and David Minervini) hope to
turn it into a 21st century OJ Simpson
trial and triumph over “the-schoolthat-must-not-be-named.”
Although this year’s witnesses have
not yet been picked, the season already
looks promising, since the lawyers have
such experience and skill: Walter “the
one-fourth Hebrew Hammer” Klyce,
David “the thunder down under”
Minervini, Peter “I’m cooler than
Danny” Travis, Erim “007” Sarinoglu,
Mazen “the African” Istanbouli,
Michael “the juice” Stein, and Clifford
“the big red freshman” Jones—who are
all guided, of course, by Coach Elizabeth “the wiccan” Crosby. Also,
MUS’s new strategy, which does away
with the Varsity (Red) and JV (Blue)
divisions within the team, will evenly
disperse the talent between two equal
teams. Thus, with such able competitors, we plan to enter the competition
with two Varsity-caliber teams who will
vie for the city championship and (Captain Minervini hopes) bring home the
State title.
Rock the Courthouse
Every year, the Tennessee Mock
Trial Competition alternates between
criminal and civil cases. Last year’s case
was an exciting battle over the fate of
the (unfortunately named) defendant,
Kerry Edward, the lead singer of the
band Six Shooter, who had been
charged with first-degree murder for
(supposedly) bludgeoning his former
manager to death with a country music
trophy. Despite losing to St. Mary’s in
an epic struggle for the city championship, the Blue team, led by David
Minervini, qualified for the state tournament, where MUS made its first appearance in many years and competed
admirably.
The 2006 case, which was released
just two weeks ago, is a civil case in
which Kris Harris, a bus driver, is being sued for hitting the possibly jaywalking pedestrian plaintiff, Dale Evans, in
the head. Although this case seems bland
(Some nerd getting whacked by a bus?
Lame!), the MUS squad’s six attor-
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NBA Live ‘06 Sharpies, Sprinklers, and Moondances
BY DAVID SHOCHAT
BY PATRICK KIMBERLIN
Because of a lack of funds and
availability at Blockbuster, my original
plan, to compare and contrast NBA
2K6 and NBA Live 2006, fell through;
therefore, I gave into the video game
giant that is EA (Electronic Art) Sports
entertainment and bought their new
product, NBA Live 2006.
The first thing that I do when I get a
new sports game is check out the
game’s rosters to see if they are up to
date. NBA Live’s rosters were very
wrong. It took me an hour to make the
trades necessary to correct the out-ofdate rosters. Unfortunately, EA left out
some rookies who should have been
included, even if they were second
round draft picks. EA has a history of
leaving out rookies. For example, in
NBA Live 2005, EA left out Shaun
Livingston, the 4th pick of the 2005
draft. I realize that, if EA is to get the
game out before the season, they can’t
wait too long for draft picks to sign,
but if they would just assume the draft
picks will sign, they would have much
more accurate roosters. As for the
player’s ratings, I think they are quite
fair, though one could argue that Kevin
Garnett shouldn’t be ranked first, and
that Dirk Nowitzki is much more deserving of a 12th place ranking than
Steve Francis.
Next, after adjusting the rosters, I
went and checked out the game play.
By introducing Freestyle Superstar
moves, EA has given the game a great
arcade feel. As you may have guessed,
Vince Carter throws down crazy dunks
when you use his High Flyer move, and
Amare Stoudemire blocks everything
in his vicinity when you use his Super
Stopper skill. While these superstars
are better in real life than an average
player, the game takes it to an unnecessary extreme. As for playing offense
and defense, playing offense is too easy
because the computer shows you
where you should be according to
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Strolling by the science building on
a blustery fall day a few weeks ago, I
was accosted by a bright-eyed, impressionable lower-schooler. I figured he
wanted some candy or something;
however, the toddler came scooting up
to me and loudly blurted, “Patrick!
Patrick! What do you think of touchdown celebrations in the NFL? Have
they gone too far?” I was taken aback
not only by the brave directness of the
little guy, but also by the poignancy of
his query. Wanting to give the most
thoughtful and sincere answer I could
to this impressionable youth, I pensively
stroked my imaginary beard.
“Well, junior,” I began, “the NFL
has changed. When guys score, they
want to have a little fun by celebrating
their accomplishments with often premeditated displays of dancing, mimicking, and even prop-using to get their
points across. I know who you have in
mind little buddy... Terrell Owens. Am
I right?” The boy vehemently nodded
his head. “Well, when you were only in
diapers, twice in one game against the
Cowboys after scoring a touchdowns,
TO ran to the middle of the field and
placed the ball on the Cowboys star...
and that’s where it really began. A few
years later TO caught a TD pass,
Photo Courtesy of ESPN.com
Randy Moss of the St. Louis Rams
pretends to moon Green Bay’s fans
whipped a sharpie out of his sock,
signed the ball, and tossed it to his financial adviser in the first row. Watching live, I was filled with delight. I appreciated that a player would go out
his way to entertain me simply in the
name of silliness. However, his display
sent the sports world buzzing. Everyone jumped all over TO, citing his actions as offensive and unsportsmanlike.
Since then, other notorious celebrations
have included Joe Horn’s making a
quick call on his cell phone after a
game-winning catch and, my favorite,
the antics of the NFL’s favorite finee,
loud-mouthed receiver Chad Johnson,
who held up a sign saying, ‘NFL, please
don’t fine me again’ after a TD. Naturally, Chad was fined $10,000 dollars
for his actions. In last season’s playoffs, after scoring the winning TD,
Randy Moss mimed mooning the hated
Green Bay fans in response to their propensity for lining up in front of opponents’ team buses and dropping trou. I
gleefully screamed and pointed, yelling,
‘Oh Randy, what will you think of next?’
Much to my chagrin, announcer Joe
Buck took it upon himself to throw a
hissy fit. He bleated, ‘That’s a DISGUSTING act by Randy Moss, and
it’s unfortunate we had it on our air live!’
I then began to boo Joe Buck loudly
from my living room. I was perplexed
Photo Courtesy of ESPN.com
as to how Joe Buck could be so ofBengals Receiver Chad Johnson
makes an unsuccessful plea. He fended by Randy, yet could still co-star
was later fined $10,000 in the ‘Leon’ commercials for a noted
beverage company which depicts the
antics of an egomaniacal, self-absorbed, absurdly arrogant wide receiver who only feels the need to play
on special occasions. But in Randy’s
case, Joe Buck is suddenly transformed
into a Puritan Quaker. The ‘disgusting’
one in this case is Joe Buck, and I think
it’s unfortunate we had to listen to his
complaining on the air live. I wonder,
when did a little jubilation become so
appalling? I would like once to see a
surgeon attempt a Lambeau leap after
a successful operation, or perhaps a
fireman, before handing the stranded
kitten he just saved from a tall tree,
strike the Heisman pose. Would this be
so wrong? We often forget that professional athletes are people too, and
we harshly scrutinize actions that are
simply human. If you scored the gamewinning touchdown in front of 70,000
screaming fans, wouldn’t you be excited too? And is football not a game
after all? Shaun Alexander’s Night-atthe-Roxbury-style sprinkler was a treat,
and Lamont Jordan’s pretending to saw
down the goalpost would make any
lumberjack smile. So a mile high salute
goes out to the guy who has given his
blood, sweat, and tears to get into the
endzone. Lighten up, I say. Let them
ride the pony or throw the hand grenade. After all, it’s all in good fun.”
I then cast my gaze back down to
the youngster, who stood enraptured
by my words. “Now get to class
buddy,” I said. He scampered off, a
great deal wiser than before.
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s p o r t s
NBA LIVE
FROM PAGE 5
which play you selected, but playing
defense is tough, especially against the
players with Superstar abilities.
Photo Courtesy of IGN.com
Dwyane Wade is the cover man
for NBA Live 2006
After a short game, I went into the
game’s dynasty mode, which has not
changed much. However, there have
been a few upgrades: for example, you
can now hire your own assistant coach
to train players during the season, a
trainer to heal injured players, and a
scout to check out the next year’s draft
class (or just the next team that you are
playing). But, you are on a budget and,
therefore, must allocate your money in
an intelligent manner. In the off season,
there is a draft lottery, a draft, a time to
re-sign players, a time to play with the
draft prospects you are interested in,
and a time to trade players. I am about
to start a dynasty with the Atlanta
Hawks and hope to keep all of you
posted on how my season is going.
David gives this game 4 out of 5
buzzards.
MUS Winter Sports: Cool, Calm, and Collected
BY FRANK JEMISON
Every person in the Western world
knows that the MUS football team has
begun the construction of a dynasty
with its unbelievably intense last-minute
victory over CBHS to repeat as State
Champions, but I think it is worth mentioning. Yet football – like cross country, where we got second in the state,
and golf, where we got third (wow we
rock) – is a fall sport, and I have noticed many signs other than the end of
football season that tell me it is no longer
fall. First, only wearing whitey-tighties
every morning when I go out to get the
paper has become almost unbearable.
Second, those illuminated snowflakes
once again adorn every other telephone
pole on Poplar. Finally, MUS basketball, wrestling, and swimming have officially started their seasons. I have done
some research, and the teams look
solid; I can only hope that the student
body that helped carry our fall sports
to such great heights will brave the cold
to come out to support all three of our
great winter sports.
The basketball team has already
gotten off to a hot start. Opening the
season with four solid wins, the Owls
have gotten the season off on the right
foot. This year’s team has many familiar faces and several new ones. Seniors
Jay Martin and Peter Zanca return for
their third seasons with juniors Philip
May and Elliott Cole. With the loss of
junior John Stokes, most likely for the
season, Zanca will team with freshman
Ferrakohn Hall and junior Kimani
Shotwell to control the paint. On the
perimeter, Martin, Cole, and May will
mix it up on the offensive end with
deadly sharp-shooting and good penetration. Junior Louis Amagliani and
sophomore Kevin Gray will provide an
excellent punch on both ends of the
court as they spell the guards. Juniors
Adam Bomar and Drew Alston round
out the team’s 10-man rotation. The
Owls’ pre-conference schedule pits the
team against several good county
schools and sends the team on two road
trips: one to Nashville and one to Illinois. This year’s league is wide open,
so every league game will be exciting.
With Christian Brothers as the preseason favorite, both CBHS-MUS
games should be hotly contested. ECS
boasts a good squad this year, and
Harding has the top scorer in the area.
This year’s basketball team is hungry
to return to and advance in the state
tournament as they take on the best
competition Tennessee can offer.
This year’s wrestling team is a completely different creature from what it
has been in the past. While we lost our
seniors to college, Coach Harrison to
the football team, Coach Hendrix to the
lower school, and Coach Milner to the
Army Rangers, Coach Gehres, now the
head coach, and Coach Knaff, who is
returning as assistant coach, along with
captains Mason George, Andrew Gordon, and Zach Gordon ,will lead a squad
of five seniors, four juniors, two
sophmores, two freshmen, and an eighth
grader. Building on an very productive
off-season, this year’s team looks to
have the skill and determination to surpass the accomplishments of last season. The team’s attitude is much more
intense and determined than last year’s
but finds ways to stay relaxed, with
ideas like theme-shirt days. While all
three captains look to become state
champions, many other wrestlers should
earn medals. The team, which has finished 2nd to CBHS in the regional tournament for five years straight, hopes to
win the regional tournament, as well as
place well at both the dual and indi-
vidual state tournaments. So come out
and support the spandex-clad Owls,
and so that you don’t have an excuse,
here are some important dates: January 12, CBHS at CBHS; January 17,
Briarcrest at Briarcrest; and January 28,
the Regional Duals at Briarcrest .
This year’s swim team is looking to
dive into a great season. Coach Clark
has changed how practices are run to
make them “harder” and “more intense.” Another change has been the
venue: the Owls are now swimming at
the Cordova Athletic Club, where the
chemical level in the pool has not yet
reached the level necessary to turn a
Sheth’s hair blond (Lucky you, Samir).
The Aquatic Owls are captained this
year by seniors Dex Witte, Hayden
Pendergrass, and Collier Calandruccio.
While the team lost some big names to
graduation, swimmers like Witte, Daniel
Harriman, Tyler Johnson, and Scott
Guinn are ready to fill the void. Not only
are the other Mid-South teams in danger, but school records are as well. In
their first meet, the Owls blew the other
teams out of the water, nearly tripling
the second place team’s score. Now,
many of you may say, “Frank, they can’t
hear us under water; why should we
go support them?” Well, no one said,
“I don’t want to do the ‘I believe’ chant
because they are wearing helmets and
can’t hear us.” Anyone who has taken
IPS knows helmets are harder than
water; therefore, you have no excuse
for not going to support your aquatic
Owls. Anyway, who wouldn’t want to
see Hayden in a Speedo? I’ll see y’all
at the pool.
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Second Title Smells Like Team Spirit
BY WILL PICKENS
When Coach Alston told us at the
beginning of the year that winning
another state championship would
have to be a team effort, we had absolutely no idea how right he was. It
was truly remarkable this year how
everyone got involved. For example,
Max was definitely our go-to guy at
receiver, but Bowie and Drew always
made catches when we needed them,
and we could always count on Doug
to fight for extra yardage after the
catch. Even Phillipe, still relatively
new to the sport, always found a way
to contribute when he was on the field.
Juniors Tyler Horn and defensive
transfer Will Aldridge joined veter-
ans Gordon, Wesson, and Nenon on a
tight-knit offensive line who worked
extremely well together. And senior
Blake Karban was always prepared for
mobilization under Coach Harrison’s 6man rotation system. When Devin went
down in the regular season Baylor game
with an ankle injury, Tyler Massey was
forced to take on a burden not normally placed on a sophomore, but he
did all we could have asked of him and
much more. When we got into shortyardage situations, Cox knew what to
do: he literally won us the Baylor game
with his two touchdown runs. And I
can’t leave out Michael, who had the
offense on fire even in his first few varsity starts.
On the defensive side of the ball,
Buck took some of the pressure off of
Andrew Cabigao and Mr. Football finalist Mason George by making himself a constant presence in the
opposition’s backfield. Junior Ben
Stallworth stepped up in his first year
as a starter; I don’t have to remind anyone of his two-interception performance in the championship game. John
Stokes consistently provided the solid
play and leadership we have come to
expect from him. In a senior-laden
defensive backfield, sophomore
DeAndre Jones’s aggressive play
slowed many opponents’ rushing attacks. Another first year starter,
Duncan Adrian was a sure tackler and
always reliable in coverage. It was no
surprise that third-year starters Will
Thornton, Logan Welch, and Donnie
Malmo made big plays.
I like to think of the fans as part
of the team in a way too, and the fans
this year were incredible. I can’t even
express in words how important the
fans were to us. Nothing means more
to us out on the field than a welltimed “I Believe” (like at the beginning of the fourth quarter when we
were down ten in the championship
game) or having a mass of fans following the ball down the field on our
last drive. It’s great for us as players
to see that other students appreciate
all the hard work we put in and support what we do, especially when
those fans are so much better than
anyone else in the state.
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Strong Finish for the Owls’ Offense
BY ANDREW GORDON
Tyler Massey marches
down the field
A shocked CBHS player
looks on as Max celebrates
the winning touchdown
The MUS offense this season has
been about improvement. We started
with a 47-0 molestation of Bolton,
putting up 271 yards on 50 plays. We
would soon come to realize, unfortunately, that Bolton was horrible and
that we needed to improve if we
wanted to compete in our difficult division. While we all appreciated that
our defense usually allowed us some
latitude during games with its spectacular play, we understood that we
needed to rely less on them and more
on our own play. This feeling came
to a head after our season’s one loss
to CBHS in the regular season.
We knew that 195 yards in 63
plays, scoring 10 points, just wasn’t
enough. So, in the words of the great
American poet, we “went to work.”
We worked harder on our no-huddle
offense, and we tweaked everything
from how we called our plays to how
we huddled. Later, we would toss in
a nifty little double lateral pass that
would prove to be terribly useful. The
result of these changes was that the
MUS offense did its best work near
the end of the regular season and the
Offensive MVP Michael Park threw for 233 yards, including two TDs
playoffs. We put up 233 yards on 39
plays in a narrow victory against
Briarcrest. We continued our self-improvement, gaining 331 yards against
Baylor. Finally, the offense’s best performance came in front of over 4,000
people at Floyd Stadium. We rolled up
350 yards against Christian Brothers,
one of the state’s best defenses, and
we did it in a decidedly spectacular
fashion.
People have asked what it felt like
to be a player during those last 5 minutes against Christian Brothers. For the
first minute or so, when CBHS had the
ball on our 20 yard line looking to
score, despair was the emotion du jour.
However, when a certain middle linebacker registered a huge pick, we had
hope. Being the mathematically inclined
individuals that we are here at MUS,
we knew that a field goal would send
us into OT, while a score would seal
the win. Staring at the 86 yards of turf
that we had four minutes to move over,
one sees a minefield full of potential interceptions, fumbles, and turn-overs on
down. We felt a bit numb, afraid to be
too hopeful. After several 3rd down
conversions, two huge 4th down conversions, and some spectacular throws
and catches, we suddenly noticed that
only 20 yards were keeping us from
a dream. The MUS offense ended its
season with an 8-yard sliding catch
by Max Prokell to put MUS up permanently.
On the season, MUS scored 346
points, averaging about 29 per game.
It had 3443 yards of total offense,
scoring 45 touchdowns. Michael
Park completed 132 passes for 1908
yards. Prokell caught 67 of those
passes for 982 yards. It should be
noted that Max set new school
records for receptions, reception
yardage, and TD receptions (12) in
one season. Stephen Bowie had 459
yards on the season, followed by
Doug Boyer, Tyler Massey, and
Drew Alston. Russell Nenon had 2
yards on the season. The lion’s share
of MUS rushing yards came from
Massey, who put up 793, followed
by Devin Owens with 183 yards.
Both averaged 4.5 yards per play.
This year has been incredible for
the MUS football team, and speaking for all of us, I would like to thanks
our fans who, especially during the
final game, believed in us when we
might not have.
Stephen Bowie hauls in the touchdown pass off a trick play
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Buzzard Defense Has the Last Word
BY WILL THORNTON
As the Owls defensive unit
hustled onto the turf for the first series of the 2005 Division II-AAA
state championship game, we felt
pride in our team and the fact that all
season, through ups and downs, the
team could always rely on us to make
our plays. Thoroughly prepared for
the Brothers and expecting a defensive struggle all game, we felt that the
outcome was in our hands and that
no matter what happened offensively
we could give ourselves a chance to
win. Well, in what turned out to be
an offensive shootout throughout the
game, there was no room for pride
after the CBHS offense quickly put
up a touchdown on the first drive of
the game and gave us a wake up call
as to what type of game this would
be. Somewhat shaken but undaunted
after a powerful drive by our own
offense, we once again trotted onto
the field with confidence but were
again perplexed by their well balanced attack. After making a successful fourth down run, Christian
Brothers again demonstrated the
power of their offense and overpowered us for another touchdown.
Now, even more daunted than
before, we returned to the consola-
tions of Coach Burr and prepared for
another series as our offense again
bailed us out with a quick score. Then
came one of the biggest plays in the
game as John Stokes successfully recovered our own kickoff to give the
offense the ball on the CBHS 17 yardline and keep their offense off the field.
Now with all the momentum and still
feeling as if we really hadn’t begun to
fight, we entered halftime with a threepoint lead and much gratitude for our
offensive playmakers. After successfully stopping the brothers at the end of
the half we felt it our obligation to come
through in the second half the same way
the offense had in the first. Needless
to say, the third quarter was the most
shameful we had felt all season long.
Giving up two touchdowns and allowing Christian Brothers to capture all
momentum and a ten point lead, our
inability to make plays and compete on
third down seemed to seal our fate, and
with one quarter left we felt we were
letting our team down at the moment it
really counted.
Then, with the entire MUS sideline
and stands holding up four fingers,
something changed the game: the “I
Believe” chant while down ten points.
This, in my mind, seemed to change the
entire tone of the game and gave me
renewed spirit and joy in playing in such
a momentous game. The offense
seemed to be fulfilling a prophecy in
my mind by quickly putting up seven
points and giving us a final chance to
regain our pride and the trust of our
teammates. Even then, the Brothers
continued their offensive dominance,
but our spirits continued to soar even
as they drove down the field. Everyone just sure that the necessary play
would be made and the incredible
comeback completed.
Sure enough, with our defense
backed into the corner on a long third
down, we provided the needed play
in the form of an interception by Ben
Stallworth. The feeling of redemption, excitement, and relief we all felt
on that one play seemed to erase an
entire game of mistakes and missed
opportunities. After the offense
scored once gain to complete the
miracle, we felt honored to be able
to finish out such a game and make
the final play.
I know it has been said before but
that contest was much more than just
a football game. That rollercoaster
of emotions seemed to define the
work both teams had put in all year
and, regardless of which team came
out victorious, a reward for the fans
whose spirit went unmatched all season long.
Junior Ben
Stallworth’s
game-saving
interception
won him the
defensive
MVP award
MUS cheerleaders tell it like it is
Mason George was a big
playmaker all season
Will Pickens sacks John
Michael Skinner for a big loss
Donnie Malmo blocks a PAT to
keep spirit’s high
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again as Skinner finished off a 63yard drive. After a failed PAT kick,
MUS found itself down by ten, 1727 with three minutes left in the third
quarter. After a pair of receptions by
senior Max Prokell and runs by
Massey, the quarter ended with
MUS on the Christian Brothers 45yard line. It was during the quarter
break that the MUS offense found
new life.
With a raucous “I Believe” chant
emanating from the stands, the Owls
returned to the endzone in high style
on the second play of the fourth quarter. Having taken Park’s handoff,
Massey faked a sweep and turned
to throw to Park, who had strolled
over to the other side of the field.
After making the catch, Park faked
the run, looked up and threw a perfect pass to junior Stephen Bowie
who made the catch and scored the
touchdown without anyone in his zip
code. Following the trick play, the
MUS players and fans were back in
the game with renewed intensity.
Christian Brothers tried to hold on to
its lead by bleeding the clock dry. Over
the next eight minutes, the Brothers –
namely Henry Harris – slowly drove the
ball down the field in hopes of adding
to their lead. Finally, the Owls stood
their ground around the 20-yard line
and forced the Wave to pass. After
Mack tipped the pass, junior linebacker
Ben Stallworth snatched up the errant
ball and gave MUS the chance it needed
to score again.
With three minutes and fifty seconds
remaining, the Owls’ offense took the
field on their own 14-yard line. As time
slowly ticked off the clock, MUS had
to scratch and claw just to get its initial
first down. Following three incomplete
passes and a CBHS penalty, Park hit
Massey for a 12-yard gain and a new
set of downs. A 21-yard reception by
Bowie moved the ball into Christian
Brothers’ territory. As the action of the
game moved towards the south end of
the stadium, the MUS student section
rushed down the bleachers alongside
the offense. With a minute and a half
remaining on the clock, Park hit Prokell
on a 10-yard pass that brought up
fourth and one. After CBHS jumped
offsides, Park found Prokell again for
7 more yards. On that play, a Christian
Brothers defender fouled Prokell as he
ran the ball out of bounds. This penalty
proved costly for the Brothers as it set
up MUS on the 8-yard line. On the following play, Park found Prokell one final time for the winning touchdown. As
the crowd erupted, Hazlehurst nailed
the extra point for the 31-27 advantage.
Prokell scored with about 45 seconds remaining in the game. Strangely
enough, Dejon Mack’s winning reception in the regular season game occurred with about 45 seconds remaining. As the Vin Diesel Society of the
Divine Right put it, payback is fun.
Pinned on their own 21-yard line, the
Purple Wave was unsuccessful in putting together a winning drive. After the
final whistle sounded, players stormed
the field to celebrate what has surely
become the greatest game in the
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rivalry’s history. As one junior put it,
“Some people would say, ‘we won,’
but I say, ‘we beat Christian Brothers.’” In what was labeled “The
Battle of Memphis,” the Owls came
out victorious against an extremely
tough and talented Christian Brothers team. The fashion in which MUS
defended its state championship has
guaranteed this game the status of a
classic. Those who witnessed the
game have the unique pleasure of being able to say, “I was there.”
So into the history books goes
“The Battle of Memphis.” With its
ever-changing momentum, nail-biting excitement, heart-pounding
drama, and dazzling finish, this game
fits with the tradition of the Laettner
shot, the Thrilla’ in Manila, the 1999
Rams-Titans Super Bowl, and the
Red Sox’ victory in the 2004 ALCS
against the Yankees. Last year’s
championship was huge, but there is
no question that this win was even
bigger.
*Editors’ Note: The
Owl’s Hoot would like
to thank Mark Vives
and Larry Inman for
their photography
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Are Boarding Schools Better? Sizing Up the Council
BY THO NGUYEN
When you consider that only about
38,000 kids in the nation attend boarding school, but more than 15 million attend regular public high schools, the
answer to this question seems plain and
simple. Yet, does it even make a difference whether you’re in boarding school
or not?
Here are some facts from the Association of Boarding Schools which
might answer the question for you:
· Students at boarding schools find
the work to be more challenging: 91
percent of boarding school students
think school is hard, compared to 70
percent of student at private day school,
and only 50 percent of students at public
school.
· More boarding school students feel
ready for college: 87 percent say they’re
“academically well prepared” at boarding schools, compared to 71 percent
of private day schools and 39 percent
of public schools.
· More boarding school graduates
earn advanced degrees: Half go on to
do this, compared to 36 percent of private day schools and 21 percent of
public schools.
The first bullet point is worth paying
attention to, because, if it is given to all
three types of schools, a hunger for
more education tends to follow.
Think about it: Only half of the students who go to public school find it
challenging, while the other half (probably the brightest ones) are finding it a
waste of their time. After all, what is
the point of doing work that doesn’t
challenge you?
There are many possible reasons
why boarding school is more challenging:
· Kids spend all day and night there,
sometimes even attending classes on
Saturday.
· Students come from all around the
U.S., sometimes even from other countries, so that there is a more diverse mix
of ideas.
· Boarding schools can be selective
about who they take (such as picking
the brightest and most ambitious).
· Class sizes are a lot smaller—11
is the median, according to the National
Association of Independent Schools—
and schools can give kids academic offerings tailored to their students’ interests. Schools are smaller, as well, with
an average enrollment of 272.
The benefit of smaller schools, with
smaller class sizes, is that students’ interests and needs are more prominent
in smaller schools and the students can
be pushed to achieve more (that means
that their time and mind power won’t
go to waste). Small class sizes, high
expectations, and personalized attention would help anybody, including kids
whose parents can afford the tuition at
boarding schools (more than $40,000
a year) or private schools (about
$20,000 a year).
So maybe the question shouldn’t be
whether boarding schools are better.
Rather, the question should be, how can
we make all high schools just as good?
BY BLAKE COWAN
I remember how distraught I was
two years ago. My freshman year at
MUS was a complete disappointment;
thanks to a lack of leadership in the
school, my very first experience in high
school was a failure. School spirit was
dead. Now, in my fifth year at this
school, I feel as though we are again
letting up, especially after the triumphs
of last year. Whether it be Mr.
Haguewood’s needless anger over
frivolous chanting in Chapel, or a lack
of attendance at Fall Fest, something
at MUS has definitely changed. Nevertheless, the Student Council has been
doing its best to fight this plague of complacency by coming up with new ideas.
The year started off with a “Bang!” as
the Dodgeball tournament, dominated
by the Vin Diesel Society of the Divine
Right, thrilled us all. In the following
weeks, President Haykal announced the
Gryffindor-esque idea for the House
System. Though it has not yet come to
fruition, I believe that this plan could
possibly be the senior class’s most lasting contribution to the school; following the formation of the Houses, the resurrection of Field Day was also a resounding success.
But the Student Council has also
had its failures. Personally, I thought the
Homecoming dance was less than stellar. However, my opinion is biased,
since I am not a huge fan of hard rock
bands and falling amplifiers. Also, Fall
Fest was chaos, as the popular football tournament never got underway and
only caused tears and suspensions from
Chapel. Despite the collapse of the
football tournament, Fall Fest’s failure
was not entirely the Student Council’s
fault, as only a few students actually
showed up—though this fact could be
due to the event’s lack of publicity.
Despite its mishaps, however, the Student Council has nevertheless been trying hard to rekindle school spirit, and
for that, I thank them—for not allowing school spirit to die, as it once did.
MUS Would Best the Monetary Mess
BY PAUL YACOUBIAN
Last week, the Federal government
recorded a $60 billion deficit for the
month of October. Adjusting that sum
for the fiscal year would place the annual deficit at $720 billion, eclipsing the
record that the Bush administration had
set last year. And let’s not forget that
the President Bush inherited a budget
surplus from Bill Clinton. Today, I am
going to impart to you a solution to this
monetary mess. Surprisingly enough,
the answer to our nation’s budget problems lies right here at our very own
school!
Everyone knows that MUS is the
best school in town. Therefore, if we
liken that principle to the national government, an MUS-run government
would give the United States the pleasure of being number one in everything.
Similar to our national government,
MUS has been around for more than a
century. MUS has what it takes to get
the job done on a national level, I’m
sure. MUS has had a budget surplus
for decades and is highly capable of
getting that top one percent to contribute to its well-being. MUS values education as a priority and will defend the
borders even if it takes building a
wrought-iron fence.
Solution: I say we fire the entire executive branch and replace it with an
all new cast of characters. President –
Mr. Ellis Haguewood, Vice President
– Coach Barry Ray, Secretary of State
– Clay Smythe, Director of Homeland
Security – Steve The Security Guard,
CIA Director – Loyal Murphy, Attorney General – Al Shaw, Press Secretary – Caitlin Goodrich, Speaker of the
House – Dr. David Jackson, Secretary
of the Department of Veteran’s Affairs
– Bill Taylor, Secretary of the Treasury
– John Knaff, and finally Secretary of
Education – Jerry Peters.
The current United States deficit is
$8.1 trillion. If we do not do something
about the deficit situation, then we will
have a country in which we own nothing and foreign billionaires and nations
like China own everything. No matter
how we look at it, the fact remains that
we have a deficit spending problem
which is not going to fix itself. We are
going to need a drastically new approach to get this country’s finances
under control. Sadly, if we wait until the
end of Bush’s term to get that new approach realized, an additional $2.5 trillion dollars could be added to that national debt. I vote to recall the president in favor of a fiscal conservative.
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The Democrats Are Desperate
BY MATT PRESTON
You probably know all about the indictments raining down on the “collapsing Republican party”—specifically,
those involving Tom DeLay and Bill
Frist. All of these indictments are lies
(intended to wreck the Republican
party) made by partisan liberals who
don’t understand that the majority of
the American population believe that the
Republican party should be running the
government for now.
First off, the CIA Leak case. It is
believed that someone in Bush’s administration outed the name of CIA operative Valerie Plame. This assertion is ridiculous. Valerie Plame published her
own name when suggesting that preferable treatment may have lurked behind the CIA assignment of her husband,
Joseph Wilson, to a job he was obviously unqualified for. The CIA sent him
to Niger to determine whether Iraq was
interested in acquiring uranium from that
country, even though he was not an
expert on nuclear weapons or Niger.
Interestingly, Victoria Toensing, the author of the law used to indict these officials, wrote an article titled “Investigate
the CIA.” In her article, she suggests
that Fitzgerald should be investigating
the validity of the CIA’s claims (such as
Valerie Plame’s covert status). The CIA
requires several things to be classified
as “covert.” For example, the agent’s
undercover status must be classified
and he or she must have been assigned
to duty outside the United States currently or in the past five years. Since
Plame had been living in Washington
(employed) for six years when the article “exposing” her name was published
in 2003, her qualification as “covert”
raises some serious legal questions.
Furthermore, it has recently been
discovered that the CIA has classified
camps where they interrogate terrorists. Only a handful of people know
where they are, so the information must
have been leaked. Do you see any outraged liberals? Any indictments? No.
Why investigate the leak of classified
terrorist interrogation sights when the
name of a known CIA operative has
been revealed?!
Next, Tom DeLay is being prosecuted by D.A. Ronnie Earle for using
corporate funding for his election campaigns. Ok, suppose you walk your dog
in a park where leashes are not required. A week later you get a letter
saying you owe $25 for walking your
dog without a leash in the park, according to a law created four days after the
walk. It doesn’t take a genius to know
that is unfair, and the charges will be
dismissed if taken to court. Well, this is
exactly the case with Tom DeLay. The
law used against DeLay was passed a
year after DeLay’s corporate funding.
This may explain why DeLay smiled as
his fingerprints and picture were taken.
The charges will certainly be dismissed.
It is also interesting to note that
DeLay’s prosecutor, Ronnie Earle, took
corporate money and union contributions for funding his own reelection
campaign for District Attorney. One
may also find it peculiar that this is the
sixth time Earle has tried to indict a
Republican on conspiracy (every previous time failed). What’s more, Earle
tried the DeLay indictment before two
grand juries before his charges were accepted. When presenting his indictment, the jury discovered problems,
and Earle narrowly escaped the dismissal of his charges by presenting it to
another jury two days later. That grand
jury refused to indict DeLay. It was not
until October 3 that a grand jury finally
returned the indictment with the charges
Earle wanted. Finally, when considering the cornerstones of federal prosecution (being nonpartisan, non-ideological, and apolitical), it is odd that
Ronnie Earle has partnered up with producers to make a movie about the pursuit of DeLay (called The Big Buy), has
attended partisan fundraisers in order
to speak openly about an ongoing grand
jury investigation, and is writing a blatantly partisan op. ed. piece in the New
York Times about the ongoing investigation. In the words of former New
York federal prosecutor Andrew C.
McCarthy, “Ronnie Earle has disgraced
his profession and done grievous disservice to thousands of federal, state,
and local government attorneys.” You
don’t have to be a big fan of Tom DeLay
to see this as a frantic and reckless example of abusing prosecutorial power.
Maybe Earle should be investigated for
his questionable ethics and tactics used
in his frenzied pursuit of Tom DeLay.
Finally, our Republican Senate Majority Leader, Bill Frist, has been accused of insider trading. He sold all his
stock of HCA Inc. a couple months
before it went down 9%. Frist sold the
stock only because he may run for
President in ’08 and wanted to avoid
any conflicts of interest (his owning the
stock frequently angered some consumer and victims’ rights groups because of the large amount of health care
legislation before the Senate).
There can be only one conclusion:
the Democrats are desperate. They’ve
lost the White House, the Senate, and
the House of Representatives (not to
mention the majority of Americans). The
only things they have left are the West
Coast, the Northeast, and the media.
many moderate votes. However, if the
Republican Party continues to press its
luck and appoint people like Tom
DeLay, who are willing to break the law
to secure their spot in politics, the Republican majority will disappear as
moderates get fed up with the GOP and
begin to side with the Democrats. There
is a part of me that wants to see this
happen, not because I am beginning to
side with the Democrats—far from it—
but because I believe this the only way
to clean up the Republican Party. Once
all the corruption has disappeared, the
moderates will return to the GOP’s side
(assuming the liberals haven’t realized
that they can win if they run a little less
liberal candidate), and the status quo
will return.
Though the indictment of Tom
DeLay is a step towards a cleaned-up
GOP, many are already calling for his
reinstatement as House Majority
Leader, leaving me worried that this
won’t bring any progress. Though this
may not be the straw that breaks the
camel’s back, the day is coming when
Republicans will lose, and we will have
no one but ourselves to blame for it.
We Apologize for the DeLay
BY HAYDEN PENDERGRASS
I am a Republican. I usually agree
with the GOP’s decisions. However, it
truly concerns me that we continue to
shoot ourselves in the foot. Tom
DeLay’s indictment on conspiracy and
money laundering charges concerning
campaign financing is just the latest reason for people to hate the GOP, and
I’m even beginning to question how I
feel about the party as a whole.
For several years running, the GOP
has controlled American politics. There
are clear majorities in both the Senate
and the House in Congress, and with
the appointments of John Roberts and
Samuel Alito, the GOP would have
control of the Supreme Court for years
to come. Yet we still feel the need to
press our luck. In recent years, politics
has become mainly about attracting the
votes of the moderates. The number of
Republicans and Democrats is relatively
equal, and the votes that decide the
elections are those of the “undecideds.”
In the last two presidential elections, the
moderates have sided with the Republicans because the Democratic candidates have been “too liberal” to draw
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Good Family Fun
BY ALEXANDER FONES
I know what you’re thinking. A DVD
review when there are so many motion
picture epics at the cinema, such as
Walk the Line or Harry Potter? Well,
while you might be in the theater enjoying the new Tim Burton film, with
your pants stuck to the seat and your
neck straining so that you can see past
the Yao Ming-like man sitting in front
of you, I will be in the comfort of my
own home, enjoying a pizza and
one of the
funniest animated
sagas I’ve
seen since
Pokemon
2000.
Family Guy, for
those of you still enjoying the comforts of living
under a rock, premiered
on FOX in 1999. The
show follows the life of
Peter Griffin, the fat and
legally retarded patriarch
of a lovably dysfunctional
family. After two seasons, the show was canceled after insulting
nearly everyone from Tony Danza to
the entire Jewish nation. Though first
labeled as a Simpsons knock off, Family Guy surprised many as it made its
own niche in animated sitcoms (is that
even a genre?), founding a cult of followers that quickly grew. Long after its
removal from FOX, Family Guy began to air on Cartoon Network’s Adult
Swim, further increasing the show’s
popularity. My dialogue with my friends
consisted entirely of Family Guy
quotes we had memorized, and some
of the more devoted could recite a full
episode. But soon all Adult Swim could
offer were episodes that we had seen
countless times. Dark days descended
upon my lunch table. We often sat in
silence, crying on the inside. But when
we thought all hope was lost, Family
Guy triumphantly returned in a straightto-DVD-because-if-they-air-it-they’llbe-cancelled movie. I leapt with glee!
Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story
focuses on Stewie, the infant son of
Peter, who is bent on world domination. The story begins as Stewie is
watching TV and sees a man who looks
much like an older version of himself.
Convinced that Peter cannot be his father, he crosses country and
even time to learn the
truth. Hilarity ensues. Fans of the
show will be
happy to encounter
some favorites of
the series
like the Salesman,
Stewie’s “sexy parties,”
and the evil monkey living in
Chris Griffin’s closet. Endless
pop culture references as obscure as Donna Summer, Star
Wars’ Jawas, RC Cola, and
“wacky waving inflatable arm
flailing tube men” parade
across the screen. You must at
times pause the movie to finish
laughing after one joke so you
can hear the next one.
However, one realizes over the
course of the movie that Family Guy is
built perfectly for thirty-minute slots, and
not for full length films. By the time the
movie is nearing its end, one feels as if
it has just dragged on for a little too
long. But since it’s a DVD and perfectly
segmented into three parts, anyone can
enjoy it in those perfect thirty-minute
intervals.
I strongly advise you rent Stewie
Griffin: The Untold Story.
Alexander gives this DVD 4 out
of 5 buzzards.
Ferrell’s Film Feature
BY FERRELL VARNER
notice, the rare gems that show up
at the theaters stick close to the story.
I’m not suggesting that all movies be
fashioned after My Dinner with
Andre, but it might be better if it were
toned down a bit.
The second thing I dislike about
Anderson’s films is that his storytelling
and plot weaving techniques are
slightly amateurish. The best example
of this weakness occurs in
Anderson’s most recent film, The
Life Aquatic. In this film, there is a
Many of you may be thoroughly massive set, built to be Steve
upset when you finish reading this ar- Zissou’s mother ship. While I appreticle, and I do not blame you. At the ciate this wonderful set, because it is
same time, I hope that you that you one of the best I have ever seen,
Anderson uses the set to corrupt the
don’t hate me too much.
Lately, Wes Anderson (The Life story rather than enhance it. He even
Aquatic, The Royal Tenenbaums, goes to the extent of bending his story
Rushmore, Bottle Rocket) has been to fit his cool ideas into the script. It
receiving a lot of praise. I have to dis- seems as if he wants you to be enagree with all of the excitement over tertained by his set more than interhis so-called masterpieces. I hope to ested in his script.
All in all, I really enjoy Anderson’s
creatively criticize his movies and not
movies. Although I may not agree
run off on a harangue.
Overall, Anderson’s movies are with some of his techniques or styles,
extremely entertaining, and many see I can still appreciate his humor and
Anderson as a great filmmaker. This clever stories. However, entertainis where I disagree. I thoroughly en- ment and art are distinctly different,
joy his movies and find them to be and Anderson has yet to transcend
hilarious, but there is a difference be- to being a great filmmaker.
tween a great film and a good movie.
I believe that Anderson employs two
techniques that cause his films to be
merely “good.”
The first thing I dislike about his
technique is his cinematography. Being a fan of Welles and Kurosawa, I
can’t help but be fond of using a still
camera. In Anderson’s films, the camera almost never stops moving. Although it is an intriguing and entertaining technique, it distracts the
viewer from the story. This is a major problem, because the story is the
most important ingredient in a solid
movie. Too much camera movement
is just as bad as flashy special effects.
This flaw seems to be the problem Photo Courtesy of Telegraph.co.uk
Director Wes Anderson
with most modern films. As one may
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Thanks
BY THE LIGHT-HEARTED MUSER
BOYS, ALVIN “GARY” SIDHU AND
ZANE “GUSTER” HAYKAL
It’s that time of year again. We’ve
finally gotten past Easter, and now
we’re well on our way into the holiday
season. Historically, Thanksgiving is the
day after Jesus healed all the leopards
in Agrabah. It’s also the day our forefathers “dunked from the free-throw
line” at the Continental Congress. Finally, it’s the day Squanto invented corn
and founded turkey. The leopards, our
forefathers, and Squanto got together
on a rainy Sunday in autumn and asked,
“Hey, wasn’t this the day that all of our
stuff happened?” The collective answer
was “Yes! Let’s give thanks on this day
of days!” Thus, Thanksgiving.
Today, Thanksgiving is looked at as
a major milestone in our progression
towards a better tomorrow, Christmas.
Christmas is the best holiday in the
world, and it’s way better than Thanksgiving because you get presents. Last
year, we got a new bike, a cool video
game, loads of cash, socks (phooey!),
a pony, lasers, Beauty and the Beast
unedited on new Special Edition DVD,
and shoes with rockets on them. See,
Christmas rules!
Anyways, Thanksgiving is a time to
be happy and give thanks. It’s a time to
separate the men from the boys and the
boys from the girls. It’s a time to look
at your neighbor and say, “Hey, you
look good!” even if you think he’s ugly.
It’s a time to look at your classmates
and say, “I’m sorry for making you cry”
even when you’re not sorry at all. It’s a
time to have and to hold, to honor and
to cherish, to love one another, to be of
nobility. It’s times like these when we
turn to the inspiring words of Russian
comic Yakov Smirnov: “In Soviet Russia, you don’t drive the car. The car
drives YOU!” Folks, he was right.
In conclusion, we would like to tell
you what we are thankful for: Christmas.
Voodoo Fest: A Rare Musical Treat
BY WILSON CASTLEMAN
spacy, but excellent World Leader Pretend were finishing up on the main stage.
Following closely were the bizarre
Samurai Deli, who weren’t originally
scheduled to play, but filled the void left
by The Decemberists who unfortunately
couldn’t make it. Around 1 PM, one of
my favorite bands, Mindless Self Indulgence, took the stage. This was by
far the most entertaining forty-five minutes of the whole day. Infectious and
simply fun music combined with completely ridiculous stage antics made for
one of the day’s biggest highlights. One
of the worst performances of the day
was next, the utterly terrible and boring
Secret Machines. Their boring, droning, and meandering lo-fi rock sound
set the whole day back a considerable
amount when they went over their time,
and there weren’t any good moments
in their set. Finnish rock band HIM
came next, and had a whole legion of
fans waiting to see them. Despite a few
sound problems, they put on a much
better performance than I expected, and
I ended up liking them so much I
picked up their new CD, Dark Light.
After dinner, I returned to see Cowboy Mouth playing. I really didn’t care
for their sound, but the singer’s relentless yells at the crowd and the overall
lively nature of their music made me like
them. The only problem was that they
also went over their time by at least fifteen minutes. Better Than Ezra, while
they may attract a multitude of teenage
girls, was by far the worst thing to hit
the stage all day. The singer, in addition
Halloween weekend I had the opto being a really bad singer, made some
portunity to attend one of the biggest
of the worst attempts at humor I’ve
concert events in Memphis history. Afever heard. I laughed when I saw about
ter Hurricane Katrina, the future of the
only four people in line to get his autoVoodoo Music Experience was quite
graph later. Local favorite, the North
uncertain and underwent several schedMississippi All-stars, were great. They
uling changes and considerations. Fihad a great sound, top-notch musiciannally it was decided that the two-day
ship, and an excellent show that led us
event be split between two cities on two
into the night perfectly. To top it all off,
different days. Saturday’s show would
they included an extended washboard
be held in New Orleans for those insolo.
volved in the relief effort, and Sunday’s
Cake was the next band on the bill,
concert series was held in Memphis at
and they unfortunately set the whole
AutoZone Park to raise money for hurconcert behind forty-five minutes bericane relief.
cause of technical problems. Their show
Considering the variety and popuwas pretty disappointing, too. Queens
larity of bands playing, it’s amazing that
of the Stone Age did an excellent job
no more than 6000 people did showed
though, and played a great set with
up to the concert, which was a steal at
some nice visuals. Their best moment
$35. The seating was split into two
was an extended version of their hit song
parts: general admission, which let some
“No One Knows.”
get close to the stage in the outfield,
The show-stopper, though, was the
and concourse, which confined some
headliner, Nine Inch Nails. They played
to the stadium seats. The entire thing
a relentless hour and a half set, featurwas outdoors, which gave the whole
ing all of their classics like “Head Like
thing a great atmosphere and prevented
a Hole” and “Closer,” and a couple
it from getting too hot. On the contrary,
newer tunes like “The Hand That
it was pretty chilly towards the end of
Feeds” and “Only.” They matched their
the night. Perfect weather, though. Not
albums’ sound, at least, and some pera cloud in the sky.
formances sounded even better than the
I arrived about 11:00 AM, and the
studio cuts. Their lights and visuals were
first bands were finishing up. Local
incredible, and really made this show
bands were taking turns playing in the
something special. Simply put, this was
plaza, outside the stadium, while the
the best live show that I’ve ever seen,
and it didn’t disappoint me, coming from
one of my all time favorite bands. DJ
Carl Cox closed the night in style as
most were leaving the stadium.
At the end of the night, I think it was
important to remember what the show
was all about. Most of the artists played
for no money, and all proceeds from
the event went to hurricane relief. I think
Nails’ Trent Reznor said it best at the
end of the night: “[New Orleans] truly
is an awe-inspiring scene of devastation, and these people are going to need
Photo Courtesy of The Commercial Appeal your help for a long time. It’s not going
Voodoo Fest was great fun for the few who attended to go away in a few months.”
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Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire is Half-Empty
BY WALTER KLYCE
I would be hard-pressed to argue
that Harry Potter is a revolutionary literary character; however, I was just as
excited as anyone when Harry Potter
and the Half-Blood Prince, the sixth
book in J.K. Rowling’s wildly successful series, came out this summer. As
soon as I got my hands on my copy , I
surprised myself by plunging fervently
into its pages. I carried the heavy tome
with me at all times, reading persistently,
and, like magic, I emerged from the
novel three days later—exhilarated,
exhausted, and with wizardry on my
mind.
Because of the tremendous hype
surrounding the sixth book’s release, I
expected that the film version of Harry
Potter and the Goblet of Fire, the latest installment in the franchise, would
be publicized even more than the third
movie. Instead, this movie just sort of
crept into theaters, rather like Harry
under his invisibility cloak. However,
despite this significant lack of buildup,
Goblet of Fire raked in a whopping
$101.4 million at the box office during
its first three days, surpassing all three
of the previous films and making it the
fourth-best opening weekend ever.
Although Alfonso Cuarón’s Prisoner of Azkaban was almost universally well received, for some reason the
series decided to change leadership yet
again and got Mike Newell to direct
Goblet of Fire. Newell keeps to the
book’s plot better than either of his predecessors, so that this flick is even
darker than the last one.
However, it is Newell’s faithfulness
to the text that dooms the film. At 734
pages, Goblet of Fire is over twice as
long as the third book, and even that
movie was well over two hours long.
By attempting to squeeze so much plot
into so little screen time, Newell accelerates the already quick pace of
Rowling’s story beyond comprehension. Fans of the book, who are already
familiar with the characters, will prob-
Photo Courtesy of CanMag.com
Harry, just before his climactic encounter with Voldemort
ably be fine, but newcomers to Goblet
will certainly have a difficult time following along.
As a result, the movie cannot utilize
the enormous talents of its cast. Alan
Rickman and Maggie Smith (who play
Professors Snape and McGonagall),
perhaps the two best actors in the picture, make pitifully brief appearances.
At times, Newell seems to draw out
minor scenes for the sole purpose of
having more face time for the big names,
a tactic which wastes both the actors’
time and the studio’s money (ever notice that John Cleese never reappeared
after the second movie?). Gary Oldman
is listed as an actor in Goblet of Fire,
when, in fact, he does not actually appear in the film, but merely provides a
voiceover for one short scene, in which
his computer-animated face speaks to
Harry from a fireplace.
Meanwhile, the film highlights several lesser-known actors, many of
whom are weak; most notably, Michael
Gambon, the actor who replaced Richard Harris as Dumbledore, is very
disappointing. In the last movie, Prisoner of Azkaban, Gambon basically
tried to imitate Harris. While that performance was unconvincing (especially
since Harris’s voice was so wonderful
for the part), it far surpassed Gambon’s
effort in this movie, in which his attempt
to ignore Harris’s legacy and do something original fails completely.
Also, while Emma Watson
(Hermione) is developing into quite a
talented performer, her costars Daniel
Radcliffe (Harry) and Rupert Grint
(Ron) seem to have been left behind.
In the past, many famous actors have
been unable to make the jump from child
star to adult—Scott Baio, for instance,
or Dustin Diamond—and Radcliffe, in
particular, seems to be suffering from
the same difficulty. His acting, unlike
Watson’s, hasn’t really come that far
since his first appearance four years
ago; and besides, Grint is just annoying
(that mullet? Come on).
However, the movie is not completely devoid of good acting. Brendan
Gleeson, who plays Mad-Eye Moody,
is wonderfully weird, and Miranda
Richardson (Rita Skeeter) gives the
best performance in the movie. Robert
Pattinson portrays a sincere Cedric
Diggory, but he sort of seems like nothing more than a plot device.
I won’t lie: I really enjoyed watching this movie. Its thrilling moments are
very well executed, and the story really
shines at times. However, unless you’ve
read the books, you’ll be lost. The film
of Harry Potter and the Goblet of
Fire complements the book nicely but
really doesn’t work as a stand-alone
movie. If you enjoyed the books or like
pretty colors, go see it. Otherwise,
don’t bother.
Walter gives this movie 3.5 out of
5 stars.
Beware of the Bird Flu
BY PETER TRAVIS
When I first heard that there was a
bird flu going around, I thought it would
be appropriate to take my pet parakeet to the vet for a check-up. To my
great dismay, the vet informed me that
people catch this so-called avian influenza also. After further research, I discovered that the last time this bird flu
was in the air, the airborne attacks of
these vicious birds nearly killed off the
entire human race (see Alfred
Hitchcock’s The Birds for more on that
outbreak). Then, in an informative Friday chapel, our speaker told us the story
of Amelia Earhart, who flew around the
world fighting and gunning down these
evil winged creatures. However,
Earhart’s cockpit was eventually
swarmed by a band of infected pigeons, and she fell victim to the bird
flu, never to be heard from again. The
very next day I walked outside and
found bird droppings covering every car
in sight; the birds clearly wanted a war.
Right now I’m in the process of contacting my good friend the President to
inform him of the birds’ declaration of
war. I myself was once a supporter of
the War on Terror, but now a far greater
terror threatens from the skies. Our
government needs to set aside our petty
differences with the terrorists of the
Middle East and take to the skies with
them as our allies, seeking out the nests
of the real weapons of mass destruction. I recall a time in the Matrix series
when humans go to battle with machines, but I really don’t know what
that has to do with anything. (P.S. There
will be a draft sign-up sheet on the civic
service board for those who wish to
enroll themselves in the Air Force to
fight these creatures.)
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The Crossword Puzzle
Sudoku
Responding to the demands of our beloved readers (and the immense popularity of the crossword puzzles), we at the Owl’s Hoot have decided to include a
Sudoku in this issue. A Sudoku is a logic puzzle which requires that the numbers
1-9 appear once (and only once) in each row, column, and 3x3 box. Using the
grid below, complete the puzzle by filling in all the squares.