Volume 3, Issue 2 - Happy Hour Kickball

Transcription

The Morning After… Page 1
www.happyhourkickball.com
On the Cover:
My Little Ponies
Volume 3, Issue 2
HHKB Tip of the Week:
When strolling down the street, it’s important
to remember to push randoms, ‘cause remember, you’re the boss.
The Morning After...
Summer 2009
April 21, 2009
In this Issue:
It’s issue #2 time, and with it, we are
merely moments from regular season play and as “regular” a newsletter as we are able to put out. Because, come on, how much that appears in here would you consider
“normal” or “regular?”
Anyway, enjoy this second preseason issue and get to know the
other 7 teams that play in HHKB with
you!
Into……………………………………………..2
Actual & Factual News………………………3
The Bethesda Back 9 Bar Crawl……………4
Back 9 Bar Crawl Map……………………….5
Schedule for 4/22 & 4/29……………………6
Team Previews……………………………….7
Superlatives for this Season………………22
Best of Deep Thoughts by Dan Holloman.23
This Season’s Weekly Awards…………...24
Viva La Revolucion con Fiesta Martine….25
Barking Dog Power Rankings……………..26
HHKB Horoscopes………………………….27
Preseason Party Pics………………………28
Chris B
Conference 7N Standings
W
Conference 7S Standings
L
T
Don’t
Squeezt
the Juice!
GOT
Booty?!
0
0
0
0
0
0
Looking to
Score
My Girlfriend can’t
Wrestle,
but you
should see
her Box
0
0
0
0
0
0
NPAK
0
0
0
Taste the
Reign Bro
We’ve Got
the Runz
0
0
0
0
0
0
%
W
L
T
B.O.O.O.M.!!!
0
0
0
Kick in a Box
0
0
0
My Little Ponies
0
0
0
OFF R BALLS
0
0
0
Team of Bumbling
Drunks
0
0
0
The Hobo Minority
Report
0
0
0
Where My Pitches
At?
0
0
0
%
Actual and Factual News that We did NOT Make
Saturday, April 25: The 2nd Annual Bethesda Back 9 Bar Crawl! It’s a great time with some great specials. $3.00
gets you registered if you’re a HHKBer, $5.00 if not (and you bring canned goods), $7.00 without.
Specials include $2.50 Bud and Bud Light Bottles, $3.00 Yuengling Drafts and other assorted specials on food and
drink at each bar.
Participating bars include, Union Jacks, Hard Times Café, Steamers, Saphire Café, Flannagan’s Harp and Fiddle,
Wing Hub, Blackfinn, Tommy Joes and The Barking Dog
Registration from 12—5 pm at Union Jacks and specials run from 12pm—9pm.
Saturday, June 6: Kick Ass Party #1 to be held at the Barking Dog. Free Beer for all HHKBers, specials and a hell
of a time! Get wasted and see your fellow kickballers in their nicest Saturday attire. Party starts at 7:00 pm and
concludes at 11:00 pm in the sky lounge (upstairs). Theme to be determined in the coming weeks.
Saturday June 13: HHKB Night out at the DC Armor! We’re heading over to the DC Armory for an afternoon of
tailgating and Indoor Football. Tix are $17.00 and this will get you your fix before the NFL Season. Respond to us
either through the Ning Page or via email at [email protected]
Saturday, June 20: It’s the greatest time of year, the 3rd Annual Summer BEER OH LYMPICS! This wonderful
event will be taking place at the Barking Dog in Bethesda starting around 12:30 pm and concluding around 6:30 pm.
The events include:
Flip Cup (5 people per side)
Beer Pong (2 people per side)
Team You Got Served (2 teams facing off around a circular table)
Continuous A$$Hole (one member of every team playing at all times)
The Beer Relay (takes what you did all day and slams it into one timed event)
And a Mystery event to be determined!
Price is on a per person basis and will be determined based on the amount of teams participating. The entry fee
gets you all the beer for the OH lympics and all you can drink during the day. If you’re interested in participating
email us directly at [email protected] to save a spot.
Saturday, August 1: Playoff day and Kick Ass End of the Season Party. Details are still being worked out, but
count on it being a great way to wind down after a long day of tournament style kickball. Awards ceremony and
crowning of the Summer 2009 Happy Hour Kickball League Champion and Flip Cup Champion. Can the Kick in a
Box and their porn ’staches repeat?
Events Planned for the Season: A night out with the DC United, Washington Nationals, DC Armor (indoor football
league), a trip tubing, a trip out to Vegas and some charitable events that we want to participate in!
Rainouts—In the case of a rainout, the website will be updated by 4:00 pm, the day of the game. If the rainout occurs after 4:30 pm, the division heads will contact captains, or the appointed contact persons, and it will be the captains’ responsibility to inform their respective teams. Of course our specials at the Barking Dog will still be honored.
Referees—Each must provide a referee, either for the 6:30 pm game if you are playing at 7:15 pm or for the 7:15
pm game if you are playing at 6:30 pm. Failure to provide a referee will count as a forfeit.
Forfeit Policy— Only really occur if you have less than 4 people, this will be very difficult to accomplish, so we don’t
think this should be an issue…
This week’s upcoming Schedule
Field
Time
Home
Away
6:30 PM
B.O.O.O.M.!!!
Kick in a Box
5
My Little Ponies
OFF R BALLS
6
Don’t Squeeze the Juice!
The Hobo Minority Report
NPAK
4
4
Scrimmage #2
(3 inning games)
April 22, 2008
7:00 PM
5
We’ve Got the Runz
My Girlfriend can’t Wrestle
but you should see her Box
GOT Booty
6
Where My Pitches At?
Taste the Reign Bro
7
Team of Bumbling Drunks
Looking to Score
Next Week’s Schedule
Field
4
Week 1
April 29, 2009
Time
Home
6:30 PM GOT Booty
Away
Looking to Score
5
My Girlfriend can’t Wrestle
but you should see her Box
Don’t Squeeze the Juice!
6
NPAK
The Hobo Minority Report
4
7:15 PM Taste the Reign Bro
5
We’ve Got the Runz
My Little Ponies
6
B.O.O.O.M.!!!
Team of Bumbling Drunks
7
Kick in a Box
Where My Pitches At?
OFF R BALLS
Get to Know your Summer 2009 Happy Hour Kickball Teams
For the first two issues of The Morning After we will be giving you a way to get to know all 14
teams by asking each captain some of the weirdest questions I could think of. See, “normal”
questions don’t and won’t give you any kind of insight into the crazy that resides in all of us (or
maybe just me, but whatever.
So sit back, relax, maybe get a little disturbed, aroused, enlightened, who knows, but dig in
and enjoy!
Teams interviewed this week: We’ve Got the Runz, My Girlfriend can’t Wrestle but you
should see her box!
box!, Where My Pitches At?!, NPAK, Don’t Squeeze the Juice!, GOT
Booty?!, and Looking to Score.
Please note these questions have not been altered in anyway.
Interview with the We’ve Got the Runz
Individual interviewed, Craig Fritz, captain of We’ve Got the Runz
1) Using an adjective, a noun, and a verb, describe your team to the league…NOW
buffalo, buffalo, Buffalo
2) If your team were an infomercial host, would you be more like the Shamwow guy, or
Ron Popeil, the food dehydrator, knife selling, hair painting guy, or other?
Vince from Shamwow NO KISSING!!
3) Who on your team is most likely to pick up a hitchhiker? Follow up question, who is
most likely to stab said hitchhiker for looking at them crosseyed?
Mel would probably pick up the hitchhiker, she's pretty into randoms. Kakareka would
definitely stab the guy, he's got a mean streak, people.
4) If your team was an Argentinean Rugby team, and you crashed in the Andes, who
on your team would suggest eating people to live, and be honest, how long would the
suggestion take to come forth?
Probably me. The captain can't make good decisions on an empty stomach.
5) What song will your team be demanding to hear at the Barking Dog this season?
Pokeher Face Lady GaGa
6) Who on your team is most likely to cry to get out of a speeding ticket?
Linah, she seems like she could let the eye faucets flow.
7) I’m thinking of a number, which one?
8008135
Interview with We’ve Got the Runz cont...
8) Who on your team would be the contest on the Price is Right to go $1.00 over the highest
bid, thus sparking the ire of all those in the studio audience?
Probably me, I'm a douche.
9) What team in the league would you say you most want to beat on the field, and on the tables?
Taste the Reign, Bro simply the best team name out there.
10) I’m making Teen Wolf 3, and I need a contribution, is this something that could be of interest to you?
Sure, I'd be an extra. Are we playing hockey this time?
11) If your team were one of the 6 actors who has portrayed James Bond, which one would
you be?
Roger Moore, we're not the best, but you'll remember us long after we're gone.
12) My legs are on fire, what are you going to do to put them out?
Cut them off. Hey, free legs.
13) If your team were a beer, what type of beer would you be?
Samuel Adams Summer Ale it's got grains of paradise.
14) Who on your team is most likely to lose it and just completely flip out at the fields, in a
funny way of course?
Charlie. You need to learn the rules dude.
15) Be honest, this is the most exciting part of your day isn’t it?
Today? Second most exciting part.
16) Let’s say I owned an RV, and let’s say I needed a place to
park it, and let’s say I was living in it, and let’s say it’s parked in
front of your house, this a problem?
Nope, I'll get you the visitors permit.
17) Jeans with no pockets in the back, are you pro or con?
Definitely con. Denim sweatpants are a terrible idea.
18) Why did you decide to join HHKB for the summer season?
I'm bringing it back.
19) What can we expect from your team with regard to bar participation this season?
Full frontal.
The Runz, Beach Week, Barking Dog, 2008
20) Bryant Gumbel or Greg Gumbel?
Greg all the way. Bryant is a sniveling cockgobbler.
Interview with My Girlfriend can’t Wrestle, but you should see her Box!
Individual interviewed, John Collins , captain of My Girlfriend can’t Wrestle but you should see
her Box!
Scritchalicious
2) If your team were an infomercial host, would you be more like the Shamwow guy, or Ron
Popeil, the food dehydrator, knife selling, hair painting guy, or other?
We would be like Jack Black with his VaPOOriser in the classic movie Envy. We’re going after We’ve Got The Runz this year with a vengeance.
3) Who on your team is most likely to pick up a hitchhiker? Follow up question, who is most
likely to stab said hitchhiker for looking at them cross-eyed?
More like who is most likely to BE a hitchhiker and that is Suvo Sur
Sur. He lives life by his own
hobo-rules.
4) If your team was an Argentinean Rugby team, and you crashed in the Andes, who on your
team would suggest eating people to live, and be honest, how long would the suggestion take
to come forth?
Well since we are an Argentinian rugby team and Marcos Guzman is the only one who speaks
Spanish, he would probably suggest it first but it would probably take at least 10-15 minutes. Ironic too, b/c he’s a vegetarian.
The Boxer by Simon and Garfunkel
Maxwell. She is a manipulator of minds.
Probably Maria Maxwell
Number 1, as in number 1 pre-season power ranking! WOOO!! I’ve heard those rankings are
determined through scientific research.
Probably Chris Cunningham
Cunningham. He is so calculating, always knows the rules and exactly how to
bend them to his advantage.
We really want to take down the Booty this year on the field because they are such fierce
booty-pirates. On the tables, whichever team Le is on.
Only if I get to ride on the top of that 80’s van and borrow the wolf-suit for Halloween.
Interview with My Girlfriend can’t Wrestle, but you should see her Box! cont...
you be?
Definitely Sean Connery. He is one smooth operator and there can be no doubt that he drinks
scotch.
Smother them in ranch dressing and have Heather McFall lick them fireless.
We would be a pilsner of course, with a good head, light body and slightly nutty.
Well we have plenty of people on our team who would flip out for inappropriate and seemingly
minor reasons, but the best funny on-the-field flip out will probably go to Blayne “the blade” Wilson
son. He is crafty out there and sometimes his enthusiasm gets the best of him.
Yes.
16) Let’s say I owned an RV, and let’s say I needed a place to park it, and let’s say I was living
in it, and let’s say it’s parked in front of your house, this a problem?
Not as long as you spend your whole day wearing PJs, sitting on the curb and drinking Mickeys out of a paper bag to remind me how to live right. And if you cut the grass.
On guys, weird, on girls, fabulous.
To come back and enact sweet revenge for our humiliating loss in the second round of the playoffs last
year. This year, we’re legit with a mix of returning rising stars such as Blayne Wilson and Chris Gamboa
Gamboa,
salty veterans such as Chris Cunningham and Tara
Terndrup and fresh rookie talent like Justin Craver and
Erica Dawsey
Dawsey. We also love flip cup.
19) What can we expect from your team with regard to
bar participation this season?
Drunk.
Both, like in the award winning crime drama Gumbel
and Gumbel.
MGCWBYSSHB,
MGCWBYSSHB circa, Summer 2008
Interview with Where My Pitches At?
Individual interviewed Michelle Nowell, co-captain, Where My Pitches At?!
AWESOME!
Billy Mays...he sells more products than the Popeil and the Shamwow guy. And have you see
his new show on Discovery Channel.
Sara Burns would pick up a hitchhiker. Sarah Roach would stab the hitchhiker for looking at
her cross-eyed. She would likely stab anyone who looked at her cross-eyed.
to come forth?
Mike or Scott, they would team up and convince everyone else in about an hour.
Whatever song Matt Flynn says is "his jam."
6) Who your team is most likely to cry to get out of a speeding ticket?
This seems like it would be Tiffany's move.
21 32 15 8 12 Powerball: 42
It is a dick move but Michelle would do it anyway. It is not everyday that you could get a
chance to play Plinko.
Some would say that we want to beat up on team HOTT Booty. Personally, I want to beat everyone.
Not that there is a need to make Teen Wolf 3 but if you insisted on making it I would contribute
Luke and Rachel. They would make you an Academy Award winner.
Interview with Where My Pitches At? cont...
you be?
Sean Connery..smooth and sexy.
Shout for you to stop, drop, and roll and cross my fingers that it works.
Miller High Life...the Champagne of Beers.
Robert or Chris, they are new to the team. Their behavior is completely unpredictable.
Not really, but it is giving me something to do while I digest my lunch.
Yeah, that isn't going to work out.
Con - it doesn't make sense. Pockets are necessary.
18) Why did you decide to join
HHKB for the summer season?
Drunken debauchery, of course.
19) What can we expect from your
team with regard to bar participation
this season?
We will be there. Where there is
beer there is Where My Pitches
At?. Look for Scott to be shutting it
down most nights.
Jonas Brothers are the only bros I
care about.
Where My Pitches At? Playoff Day, Summer 2008
Interview with NPAK
Individual interviewed Lili Khozeimeh, captain, NPAK
ASS-KICKERS (obviously)
Hard core knife sellers!!
Most likely to pick up: Andrew- if she were really hot, Doug otherwise for the guys.
Jessica to pick them up for the girls
Most likely to stab: Meg Rosan or Chris Roberts
to come forth?
Dana. Within five seconds after we all finished sliding down those fun plastic yellow slides.
We couldn’t decide on just one song, so:
Journey- Don’t Stop Believing; We are the champions and Eye of the tiger.
Maureen, Laura and the prosecutors.
How many hours can we bill trying to decide and which client do we charge?
Jeremy, Doug, Chris and Diego (we know how to play the game!)
My girlfriend can't wrestle, but you should see her box
box..
Haha, no!
you be?
Gotta go for Sean Connery, if only for the SNL Jeopardy reference... that's not what your
mother said last night, Trebek.
Interview with NPAK cont...
Do you agree to indemnify us for any increased degree of injury, pain, and or suffering incurred
as a result of our efforts to assist you? Please sign here, in the presence of a notary, and we'll
be glad to assist you. Then, we would piss on them because we can’t let you burn.
Miller High Life-- the champagne of beers baby!
Diego or Lindsey
Oh hell yeah- who can we bill it to?
Only if you act like the cousin on Christmas Vacation
Depends on the ass. But, why are we wearing jeans, isn't this a sport? We vote running shorts
with those weird little key pockets on the inside.
Because we aren’t around lawyers enough, but we couldn’t say no to free beer and we need
the exercise J
19) What can we expect from your team with
regard to bar participation this season?
Bar participation might be shoddy, but we will
rule every flip cup game we show up for. Definitely, Casey, Laura, Andrew, Doug and Diego
for sure
Neither, Matt Lauer instead.
NPAK is a new team, this is what comes up on
Google when you type in their name!
Interview with Don’t Squeeze the Juice!
Individual interviewed The Entire Squad of Don’t Squeeze The Juice!
Outstanding! (it is often used as an adjective, a noun, and a verb)
Suzanne Sumers – hot looking and thighs that can crack ribs.
Becky; Henrike (or vice versa I’m not sure)
to come forth?
Margot and it would probably occur before the plane crashed.
Save A Horse Ride a Cowboy – just to see Chris spaz out.
This has been successful for Steph in the past but her best was offering the officer mardi gras
beads (she was wearing on the way home from theme week) to take home to his wife when
pulled over for a broken taillight.
3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510582097494459230781640628
620899862803482534211706798214808651328230664709384460955058223172535940812
848111745028410270193852110555964462294895493038196442881097566593344612847
564823378678316527120190914564856692346034861045432664821339360726024914127
372458700660631558817488152092096282925409171536436789259036001133053054882
046652138414695194151160943305727036575959195309218611738193261179310511854
807446237996274956735188575272489122793818301194912
Ken – it also works well in kickball when he jumps over perfectly rolled pitches.
The Juice are firm in our commitment to the equal opportunity to beat all teams of the fields,
the tables and the parking lot.
Interview with Don’t Squeeze the Juice! cont...
After Allyson’s experience in the Rock Star video she is ready to expand her range in what is
sure to be a tentpole summer blockbuster movie.
you be?
Sean Connery
James Bond Weren't you a blonde when I came in?
Tiffany Case: Could be.
James Bond: I tend to notice little things like that - whether a girl is a blonde or a brunette.
Tiffany Case: Which do you prefer?
James Bond: Well, as long as the collar and cuffs match...
Stop, Drop, & Roll, baby!
During the games our team is 67% beer – PBR to be specific. Thank the deities for pregaming at Comet.
John “Juice” Jones of course. Flip out or fall down while not making a play. 90/10 chance of
falling down before flipping out. Either way it will be funny.
For 2/3rds of the team, yes.
Sean says you can park it outside his place as long as he gets to use it in a video he is making
of guitar hero.
Con – it looks bad on everyone. On the other hand, assless chaps look good on everyone.
Our normal AA meetings were getting boring and we decided to hang with professionals.
Flip Cup Champions!
Greg Gumbel... When winter comes, he can store more nuts in his cheeks than Bryant can.
Interview with Don’t Squeeze the Juice! cont...
Don’t’ Squeeze the Juice! End of Season Party, Summer 2008
Interview with GOT Booty?!
Individual interviewed Chip Lipscomb, captain, GOT Booty?!
1) Using an adjective, a noun, and a verb, describe your team to the league…
HOTT Looking Booty!
2) If your team were an infomercial host, would you be more like the Shamwow
guy, or Ron Popeil, the food dehydrator, knife selling, hair painting guy, or other?
Shamwow! He is energetic, loud, and what a booty!
3) Who on your team is most likely to pick up a hitchhiker? Follow up question,
who is most likely to stab said hitchhiker for looking at them cross-eyed?
A) Clairee [she has a nice booty!] B) Erich – have you seen him … he is a scary!
4) If your team was an Argentinean Rugby team, and you crashed in the Andes,
who on your team would suggest eating people to live, and be honest, how long would the
suggestion take to come forth?
Jeremy “Durty J” Patton … and it would take a long time because we are just too bootylicious!
Ms. New Booty – Bubba Sparks
Interview with GOT Booty?! cont...
Katie” KL2” Long… she would just give them the innocent … who me face … and then shake
her booty!
69 – box and booty!
Mike “Downtown” Brown .. he is the analytical one and has little concern for the Booty. His is
BIG!
My Girlfriend Can’t Wrestle but You Should See her Box … because what do you get when
you put Boxx with the Booty …… 69!
Booty booty rocking everywhere ……..
you be?
Roger Moore because he rocked the tight golf pants in the late 80s which showed off his taut
booty
Sit on them with my lucious Booty!
Bootylicious
NO ONE… the BOOTY is full of love and scoring!
Anything to do with El Presidente is exciting…. Besides the Prez rocks the Booty!
No problem … sharing Booty means caring Booty!
Guys should NEVER wear jeans without pockets makes the Booty look bad, and ladies ONLY
if you have a tiny tiny Booty!
Interview with GOT Booty?! cont...
For all the Booty of course!
HOTT ladies, booty shaking, and lots of SCORING!!!!
They look the same they just have different first names…. Does anyone really care? Their bottoms suck
Got Booty?! during the Fall Season of 2008
Interview with Looking to Score
Individual interviewed Stephen Porter, captain, Looking to Score
Ass-kicking, ass-kickers, kicking-ass
Shamwow
-Penny to pick him up, Scott to stab him.
Interview with Looking to Score cont...
to come forth?
We would eat Ian. Scott would suggest eating him after twenty minutes.
It's raining men. allleluuahh
Stephanie
7
Pete
I don't know the team, but that guy Chip.
No
you be?
Daniel Craig- all action
Pee on them
Beast Ice
Sanchez
NOOO
Yes, I don't want to see Chris any more than I already have to.
Interview with Looking to Score cont...
Con
Bitches
Little
Wayne Brady
Some of those Looking to Score, Barking Dog, Summer 2008
Random Photo of the Party Starter to fill Space
2009 Summer Superlative Categories (number of votes in parentheses)
In this space each week you will find out where you or your team stands in the superlative
standings. Superlatives are sold on a weekly basis at the Barking Dog (unless I am in a
particular mood that I just want to have some fun) for $1.00 for five votes, if you want more
than five votes you can pay more and get as many votes as you want on the sheet. All proceeds raised from the Superlative voting goes to The Children’s Inn at NIH.
You will notice that the categories aren’t broken down by gender, mostly because that
seems unnecessary, if you’re the biggest flirt you should get the recognition you deserve!
The only category that is not voted on is The Most Charitable Team which is based on how
much money that your team spends on these things, and to win that award puts you in high
esteem from all your league compatriots just because it shows you’re giving.
So get ready for the season and come by the bar starting in Week 2 with some straight cash
homies and let’s help out a good cause!
Most Spirited Team
Drunkest Team
MVP
Most Flirtatious
Player
Drunkest
Player
Most Charitable
Team
Deep Thoughts by Dan Holloman
A collection of the brilliance that is Daniel Chaney Holloman
In this space, Dan Holloman will share some of the knowledge and wisdom
that he has acquired throughout his life. From his travels to the highest peaks,
to lowest points of the mid Atlantic ridge, to the far east to the unimaginable
deserts of California. Dan Holloman has lived more than most of us have or
ever will in his short time on this earth so be sure to come back to his column
every single week.
Consider yourself lucky, LUCKY DAMN IT, to be getting to read this brilliance for free!
Shamans, Soothsayers, Wise Men on Mountain Tops have nothing on this man’s man! His
often consulted by Presidents, Heads of states, Multi millionaires, CEOs, CFOs, UFOs and
anyone in between!
So now, without further ado, here is the Best of Dan Holloman, my hero and yours:
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
Smoking cures weight problems...eventually...
Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it was none of
my business.
Doesn't matter what you say or do; people can always find a way to call you a dick.
Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people "the
cops."
But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!
You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both
on fire - they're exactly alike.
Every eight minutes, someone has sex with an animal...and you wonder why the attack
you.
Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.
It's all about diet. You got to eat right. What's the best thing to eat? Chicken and fish.
I'm
thinking, why not combine the two: penguin. A penguin's a little bit of both, isn't he?
He's a bird, yet he swims, he's a buffet of good health.
*thoughts from DH may or may not be from DH and should be consulted at your own risk.*
This
ThisSeason’s
Week’s Awards
Awards
The Billy Dee Williams Smooooth Play of the Week
This award goes to someone who not only does something well on
the field, but in a way that would make even Billy Dee smile!
The BOOM Goes the Dynamite Award
This award goes to an individual who blows it up on the field, big kick,
game changing catch, anything!
The Sticky Icky Buds Hand of the Week Award
This award goes to the individual who makes some or just one incredible catch!
The Chuck Norris Big Kick of the Week Award
This award goes to the biggest kick of the week, usually something in
the homerun area.
The Yellow Bed Pan for Kickball Ineptitude Award
This is just what it sounds like, it recognizes awful but usually funny
play.
The Fat Joe Make it Rain Award
This award can be given to the team that spends the most money on
the charity in a given night, or a team that gives up the most runs, it’s
versatile!
Viva La Revolucion con Fiesta Martine!
Things to remember during HHKB Scrimmages
Welcome my fellow socially awkward companions, who
need massive amounts of alcohol to find the courage to
try to have unsatisfying sex with strangers that never quite
fills that hole in their heart their unloving mother left there.
It's kickball season again FUCK YEAH! Another season of
running around and playing a sport usually reserved for 8
year-olds on Ritalin.
As our first actual scrimmage week approaches I thought I
would point out some things to remember about HHKB:
1. Practice
They say every great player works all week in practice so
they can play during the game. I'm not sure what the hell
that means. At HHKB, practice is another chance to cluster
together somewhere on the field (usually not a "traditional"
position) and talk to friends you see every other day about
inane things. Actually HHKB practice is a lot like live
games.
Important tip- During practice (or a game) when counting
the blades of grass, count in bunches of five or more. Can't
tell you how many times I made the mistake of counting
one at a time only to lose my place and have to start over.
But that's life you learn from your mistakes then repeat
those mistakes over and over. Little known fact about Field
4, did you know there were 9,612 blades of grass in my
eye-line from right field last season?
2. Equipment
"A player is nothing without their equipment" - Me
As the quote says you can have all the heart, talent and brains you want out there. In the end
you’re still some weird naked dude running around the bases.
• Shoes - I like the kind that go on your feet the best. Typically having them light enough to
walk or run in also helps. Other than that to each their own.
Clothes - These make that whole naked thing go away and believe me, the world is going to be
thanking you for that. I also think there is some rule about having to wear an official HHKB t-shirt
but like all the refs and players in this league I've never read the rules.
3. Have FUN
Yes just like little league we're happy that you just showed up. Great part about having fun is
there is no right way to do it. Some people's idea of fun is stripping down naked, laying in a bed
of velvet while olive oil is rubbed on their bald head. Others like the oil rubbed elsewhere. The
important part of course is the velvet!
So that's it, should be a great year of kickball and debauchery. 3 years running and not one
stomach pumped yet! Let's keep that streak alive!
Final note: If you hadn't heard there is going to be an awesome bar crawl this Saturday. The Bethesda Back 9 Bar Crawl. Come on out I'll be there and If see you there I promise to look at you
strangely in way that makes both of us uncomfortable.
Barking Dog Power Rankings presented by Bud Light
Week 2 — April 17, 2009
1
Don’t Squeeze the Juice (7) – The Juice almost had their entire team out this
past Wednesday, and that is obviously gonna vault you to the top spot.
2
Taste the Reign Bro (3) – A good group was there, playing Flip Cup and
Pong, and David A passed out a la T-Payne!
3
We’ve Got the Runz (10) – Team was strong in representation with both the
old guard and new.
4
My Little Ponies (11) –The Ponies were out in force, this could be an omen,
and they broke out some dance that could have all comers rocking and rolling this summer.
5
B.O.O.O.M.!!! (6) – A great group, and it did appear that Annie was baffled by
something at one point…what I don’t know!
6
Kick in a Box (4) – A poor showing considering, but those that came out,
came out strong. Chris also won Survivor, take that Kakareka!
7
Team of Bumbling Drunks (14) – Slarammee and the Shriners were holding
down the left corner of the bar, but it wouldn’t hurt to venture elsewhere.
8
GOT Booty?! (9) – Chip, Miguel and a couple ladies, but participation in bar
events needed a little work, you guys can most certainly do better.
9
Looking to Score (13) – While Stephen finds scrimmages useless, her certainly finds free beer to be quite useful.
10 OFF R BALLS (8) – There was Jim, doing his thing on the Flip Cup Table,
hopefully the rest of the group can come out this week.
11 Where My Pitches At? (5) – Small crowd of WMPA?, but Meagan did play
Pong and that is a special occasion in itself.
12 NPAK (12) – Hey! There’s Lili….wait, where did she go?
13 The Hobo Minority Report (2) – Nobody showed, oh Hobos…
13 My Girlfriend Can’t Wrestle, but you should see her box (1) – What a fall for
the top two teams from last week….
Happy Hour Horoscopes
Every week, we will give you a look into your future as we consult the stars...welcome to
Happy Hour Horoscopes!
Aries— This Saturday you will be determine it a good idea to forgo all plans in favor of
the Bethesda Back 9 Bar Crawl.
Taurus—Brett Favre will come to you in a dream crying about Madden retiring and not
being able to attend the Back 9, lucky for you, you are not that ass Brett Favre.
Gemini—You will drink cheap beer at great prices at the Back 9 Bar Crawl.
Cancer—Kanye West does not care about you, that is unless you decide to attend the
Back 9 Bar Crawl!
Leo—Embarrassing photos of you will surface on the Internet this Thursday, come to the
Back 9 and I may just remove them….but probably not.
Virgo—A paternity test will determine that you are not the father of that child, mostly because you are a woman, and since that’s not your kid, come out to the Back 9 and tap it in!
Libra—When you are struck in the head by a golf ball (repeatedly) you will find you can
see the future….and that future is leading you to a golf themed bar crawl this weekend!
Scorpio—Those pants you’re wearing are not bar crawl appropriate...but don’t go dig up
Bobby Trent Jones body to get at his pants for the Back 9….freak!
Sagittarius—Joe the Drinker will be at the Back 9 Bar Crawl, and you will too!
Capricorn—You will write a new song a la “I’m on a Boat” by Lonely Island, but it will be
called, “I’m on a Bar Crawl” after the glorious time you have this Saturday at the Back 9.
Aquarius—The stars have aligned to chart your course to Union Jacks for registration at
Noon this Saturday!
Pisces—Go to the 2nd Annual Bethesda Back 9 Bar Crawl!
At the Barking Dog, in Pictures
Annie just found out about the new Star Trek movie
from Tim, she is excited!
When in doubt make out with yourself, a la Albers
2 and 2, Alan will be right back at you.
Never wake a sleeping Aneiva...never!

Volume 3, Issue 2 - Happy Hour Kickball

Transcription

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