Phi KappaPsi Rededicates Chapter House
Transcription
Phi KappaPsi Rededicates Chapter House
3-1-2007 2/28/07 7:05 PM Page 1 March 1, 2007 Phi KappaPsi Rededicates Chapter House • volume 99 • issue 19 JOSH HARRIS WABASH ’08 CLAYTON CRAIG | WABASH ’08 Phi Kappa Psi Vice-President and President Derek Lough ’09 and Jason Gray ’08, respectively, receive a gift from chapter alumnus advisor Ben Kessler ’74. The Lamp of Knowledge is one of Phi Kappa Psi’s symbols. Immersion Trips Sending Students Around the World P A T M C A L IS TE R WABASH ’10 While most Wabash students will be either heading home or south for warm beaches, some will be extending their education through spring break. On Friday and Saturday students from across academic disciplines will travel across the world to experience immersion trips. “I’m excited to go see Europe,” said Mike Hotz ’08. “It’s my first time and I’m happy the College is paying for it.” Hotz will be traveling with Profs. Stephen Dyson of the Department of Political Science and Peter Metek of the Depart- ment of Economics to Brussels and Frankfurt. Metek and Dyson team taught a class on the European Union from both an economics and political science point of view. “As far as the class goes, we put a lot of work into it,” Hotz said. I feel like we frontload the classes so we can actually go over there and understand what’s going on with the Euro- “I’m excited to go see Europe. It’s my first time and I’m happy the College is paying for it.” Mike Hotz ’08 pean Union.” In preparation for the trip, the class studied E.U. governance structure, monetary policy, and the process of integrating new E.U. members. Each student in the European Union class will be required to write a paper at the end of the class. “With the prospect of writing a paper on the subject at the end,” Hotz said. “I can’t think of a better way of studying the subject than actually going there.” Their experiences with everyday Europeans will also provide them with a better context to construct their papers. The European Union class is not the only team taught emersion trip scheduled this year. Profs. David Timmerman and See, IMMERSION, Page 2 After a long semester living in the old Fiji house, the brothers of the Phi Kappa Psi fraternity were quite excited to move back to their rightful place on the campus, at 602 West Wabash Avenue. After years of painstaking work at fundraising, the $3 million renovation reached completion this January, ready for her to fill the hallways once again with the vibrant undergraduates. This Saturday in the crowded great hall, alumni, parents, administrators, and students gathered to hear distinguished speakers, including President White, Dick Griesser ’51, Gordon Peters ’52, Terry Hamilton ’89, alumnus advisor Ben Kessler ’74, and chapter house president Jason Gray ’08. As Gray mentioned in his speech, it has been a long, trying road for the brotherhood of Phi Kappa Psi. It was a road paved with hard work of the undergraduates to prove their deserving spirit to have such a nice home, and that it would be taken good care of if the dream was to come true. But at that, for many of the brothers, it was still a dream. They never thought they would see the end of the road, as progress was quite slow. But it all paid off, thanks to the generous alumni, the dream was made a reality. The finished product is a testament to the hard work put forth by all parties involved. “We want to thank all our alumni for their efforts—their hard work has not gone unnoticed,” Gray stated in his speech. The day was filled with house tours, reminiscing by brothers, and gift-giving. Among the gifts were a pair of the Lamp of Knowledge, a sign on the crest of the fraternity, given by Ben Kessler ’74. Other gifts included photographs of the chapter’s history, given by Dick Grisser ’51, who reminded the present guests of the hardships the house had experienced in the past, when, due to the war, it had lost its charter. Thanks to the efforts of Dick Regnier ’52, and others, the house was revitalized and without him, undoubtedly the house would not be functioning as it is today. It is because of his hard work and dedication to see the fraternity flourish that he is commemorated in a commanding portrait in the great hall of the new home. The space has changed dramatically since its pre-renovation era. The space that was formerly the cold dorm has been completely transformed, breaking the space up into some threeman suites and a large bathroom. The kitchen space was increased greatly, along with individual room spaces, taking out what once was built-in closSee, PHI PSI, Page 2 3-1-2007 2/28/07 7:05 PM PAGE 2 • Page 2 News March 1, 2007 BACHELOR 301 w. wabash Ave. crawfordsville, IN 47933 EDITOR IN CHIEF Nelson Barre . [email protected] MANAGING EDITOR Adam Hawkins . [email protected] NEWS EDITOR Royce V. Gregerson . [email protected] OPINIONS EDITOR Patrick Smith . [email protected] SPORTS EDITOR Aaron Parrish . [email protected] STUFF EDITOR Rob Fenoglio . [email protected] PHOTO EDITOR Brock Johnson . [email protected] ONLINE EDITOR Patrick McAlister . [email protected] COPY EDITOR Ashley Stephens BOP ADVISORS Howard Hewitt, Jim Amidon & Steve Charles The purpose of The Bachelor is to serve the school audience, including but not limited to administrators, faculty and staff, parents, alumni, community members and most importantly, the students. Because this is a school paper, the content and character within will cater to the student body’s interests, ideas and issues. Further, this publication will serve as a medium and forum for student opinions and ideas. Although an individual newspaper, the Board of Publications publishes The Bachelor. The Bachelor and BOP receive funding from the Wabash College Student Senate, which derives its funds from the Wabash College student body. Letters (e-mails) to the editor are welcomed and encouraged. They will only be published if they include name, phone, or e-mail, and are not longer than 300 words. The Bachelor reserves the right to edit letters for content, typographical errors, and length. 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The Bachelor Phi Psi From Page 1 ets, and replacing them with movable armoires. The chapter room was moved, and in its space remains a lounge for the brotherhood, complete with a new pool table, poker table, and big screen television. As one may have noticed, the former front porch was enclosed, adding even more living space for the brotherhood to utilize as a study space, or just for conversation. New washers and dryers were moved to the first and second floor, becoming more accessible to the habitants. Overall, the structure was resituated to make best use of the space provided, which wasn’t so Immersion much the case with the former layout of the house. As President White pointed out in his speech, at a time when many campuses are folding up their fraternities, or fighting them, Wabash is not only embracing and encouraging, but they are also helping them financially meet their goals. And although there are still fraternity houses that need help on the Wabash campus, the new Phi Kappa Psi house is one step in the right direction of bringing the Wabash campus into the 21st century of living quarters— leaving room for space to grow, change, and adapt to each generation of her habitants. From Page 1 Timothy Lake will take students on a trip to Harlem, D.C., and Atlanta, for their class on African American Rhetoric and Expressive Culture. Profs. Greg Huebner and Doug Calisch will examine many of New York’s fantastic museums in addition to meeting with NYC Wabash alumni. Prof. JD Phillips will, as in years past, take the senior mathematics majors to Prague, in the Czech Republic. “Our senior mathematics majors will be working on their senior papers,” Phillips said, “under the guidance of post- docs from the mathematics department at Charles University. “Part of the experience will just be to participate in the life of a major research university for a week. And of course, part of the experience will be the immersion in one of Europe’s great capital cities,” he added. Other immersion trips include Professor Greg Redding and his German 202 class’s trip to Germany, Professor Eric Wetzel’s Biology 222 class’s trip to Belize, marketing immersion experience in Indianapolis, and a business externship program in Washington, D.C. and other materials to manufacture methane, high-value fertilizer, biogas, heat/steam, and bio oil. There are more ethanol and biodiesel plants currently under construction in other towns of Indiana. “The 12 new ethanol and four new biodiesel plants will create 620 new jobs for the people in Indiana,” West said. “This will be same as putting $29.5 million dollars into the pocket of local farmers.” The United States Department of Agriculture has set an expectation that the country would be producing 15 billion gallons of ethanol a year by 2010. President Bush said in his last State of the Union address that the U.S. should be producing 35 billion gallons a year by 2017. In his concluding remarks, West said ethanol is an emerging new alternative source of energy. There has been much progress to increase its efficiency, which is now about 65 percent compared to gasoline’s 87 percent, but this is not enough. As the production of corn cannot be increasing due to the constant land, newer and advanced technology should be developed to increase the efficiency. “In my view, ethanol is only a mid range solution in the search of greener fuel and it is acting as a transition to the search for cleaner fuel,” West said. West’s talk was sponsored and organized jointly by the Experience Indiana Grant and the Department of Chemistry. Indiana Town Relies on Biofuels RABIN PAUDEL WABASH ’10 Imagine a town where people do not rely on gasoline anymore. They produce fuel for vehicle themselves; they produce electricity without burning coal and all these are done by their own production. This is true not only in fiction but also in reality. Reynolds, Indiana became the first town to rely entirely on biofuels and got the name “BioTown USA.” Ryan West is Director of Legislative Affairs and Policy at the Indiana Department of Agriculture and is in charge of the BioTown USA project at Reynolds. He spoke about the implementation and prospects of biorenewable resources in Indiana on Tuesday, February 27. The title of West’s talk was “Turning Challenges into Opportunities,” and covered Indiana’s growing ethanol production. As the world is under the threat global warming, reducing the usage of petroleum and switching to alternative sources of energy are the best ways to cut the emission of greenhouse gases. Among the various alternative sources of energy, ethanol and biodiesel are suitable for Indiana, the fifth largest state in terms of corn production. Ethanol is produced by processing, fermenting, and distilling corn and biodiesel is produced by processing soybeans. Ethanol is much easier and costs much less to produce than gasoline but due to the corrosive nature of alcohol it is harder to transport than gasoline. The BioTown project officially started in Reynolds on September 13, 2005. “We selected Reynolds because of the easy access to infrastructures, the town size, and proximity to livestock,” West said. Reynolds is a small town in northwest Indiana with a population 550. It has three substations, two main highways, and it is near to I-65, three railways, and a natural gas pipeline. Additionally, it was close to livestock, Purdue University, and is surrounded by agricultural land. “We are also getting more than expected support from the community,” West added. “In this short period they have already bought 150 cars fueled by ethanol.” “We want to use waste streams and municipal waste to produce electricity and fuel,” West said. The plan is to use animal waste, municipal waste, corn stalk waste, StetsonLaw_5x3.indd 1 1/22/07 10:58:06 AM 3-1-2007 2/28/07 7:06 PM Page 3 Speech Scores Big at State News The Bachelor VICTOR NAVA WABASH ’10 Speech students from across the state of Indiana gathered at Butler University February 17 to compete in the Indiana State Individual Events Tournament. Schools such as IU Kokomo, Ball State, UINDY, and IUPUI (just to name a few) came together to once again compete for the coveted state championships in numerous speech and events; an opportunity that only comes once each academic year. Wabash’s own Parliamentary Union was amongst the many competitors at this year’s competition and hoped to walk away with many titles and recognitions. With competitors in events ranging from Poetry Interpretation to Persuasive Speaking the Wabash speech team was more than ready for this year’s competition. Throughout the year, the team had been traveling to compete at invitational practice tournaments held throughout the region. This year’s state meet saw the return of many veterans on the Parliamentary Union as well as the introduction of new talent from the class of 2010. Competing this year were: Kevin Scott Billups ’10, Stephen Anthony Ellis Jr. ’09, Grant Gussman ’09, Travis McLaughlin ’09, Victor Nava ’10, and Jonathan Torrez ’10. Individual results were as follows: Gussman placed 2nd in Varsity Impromptu Speaking, 4th in Varsity Extemporaneous Speaking, and 5th in Persuasive Speaking. Nava placed 2nd in Novice Extemporaneous Speaking and 3rd in Novice Impromptu Speaking. Torrez placed 3rd in Novice Extemporaneous Speak- ing and 5th in Novice Informative Speaking. However, the day went to Billups who ended up winning the state championship in Novice Poetry Interpretation with straight 1st place rankings in finals. Wabash is not normally perceived as a strong interpretation school in the state of Indiana, but Billups worked hard to put Wabash on the map. After all the events and final rankings were tallied up, Wabash walked away with a fifth place sweepstakes trophy, beating out IU Bloomington, Marion College, and IU Kokomo to place in the top five speech schools for the state of Indiana. The team has now set their sights on the Delta Sigma Rho – Tau Kappa Alpha national competition to be held at the University of Mississippi from March 15 to 18. • PAGE 3 March 1, 2007 7KH'DYLV+RXVH "ED"REAKFAST 7EST7ABASH!VENUE #RAWFORDSVILLE)NDIANA WWWTHEDAVISHOUSENET #INDY3TEVE'OLLIHER7 'DYLV+RXVH$GB[ 30 LV W V h ] LZ Y c Z h Y V n h & % 9^ h X d j c i l$ Hi j Y Z c i > 9 EARN MONEY AND PREPARE FOR YOUR FUTURE. 7D\ORU/DQHVDQG&UDVK0F&ODLQV /RFDWHGEHKLQG.URJHUVLQWKH&UDZIRUGVYLOOH6TXDUH /HVVWKDQPLOHIURPFDPSXV 0RQGD\ 'ROODU1LJKWV WR %HHU &ORVH%RZOLQJ )UHH3RRO )ULGD\ 4XDUWHUPDQLD 30$0 %RZOLQJ 0DNH\RXU %HHU UHVHUYDWLRQV 3LWFKHUV &RYHU :HGQHVGD\ %HHU %RZOLQJ WR&ORVH 6DWXUGD\ &RVPLF%ODFNOLJKW%RZOLQJ KRXUVRI8QOLPLWHG %RZOLQJ Our part time works for you. BRANCH CUSTOMER SERVICE REPRESENTATIVE Imagine building a strong resume with solid professional experience before you graduate. 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National City requires candidates to submit to pre-employment drug screening. 31opinion 2/28/07 PAGE 4 6:30 PM • Page 4 opinion The Bachelor March 1, 2007 The Bachelor’s opinion The voice of Wabash since 1908 EDITOR IN CHIEF Nelson Barre NEWS EDITOR STUFF EDITOR MANAGING EDITOR OPINION EDITOR SPORTS EDITOR Rob Fenoglio Adam Hawkins The Price of Aggressive Recruitment Royce Gregerson After Spring Break, Honor Scholar Weekend will quickly approach and this year there may be more people than usual. The reason for this is that there have been 1,400 applications to Wabash since last Friday for the academic 2011 school year, and we, along with everyone else on campus, believe that number has grown since then. Not only is the number 1,400 quite large for Wabash, it is actually the largest number of applicants to the College, ever. “We’ve implemented an aggressive and comprehensive summer recruiting program to contact rising seniors before their school year starts,” he said. “This includes mail, phone contact, and visits.” This information doesn’t surprise us at all. This makes us wonder what new tactics the Admissions Office is using to lure high school men to the campus. We all know the old “Girls come on the weekends in buses” routine that lured most of us to the College, but what is the new fairy tale that will get the kids to come here instead of Purdue and IU and such to get the kids flocking here like birds? We are by no means complaining because Wabash is a great institution, but what tactics are the Admissions Office using. Notice how Klein used the adjective “aggressive.” What does aggressive mean? Could it be promises of a plethora of beautiful young virgins? This is not a Muslim school, so that won’t really lure guys here (DePauw has tons of girls willing to do even dirtier things, like kicking unattractive Patrick Smith Aaron Parrish soroity sisters out of the house), but I am sure it would help if free alcohol and frequent parties were added to the equation. Allegedly, athletics is giving the recruitment process a big boost, but we thought that that was the focal weapon used to fetch guys here in the first place. Klein also credits alumni to the swelling number of applicants. The stories of great men coming from Wabash were a big lure for many men on this campus and we are sure it helped this year. The inventor of the McDonald’s Happy Meal, Dick Brams, graduated from here. If that isn’t a selling point, then we honestly don’t know what else is. Another notable alumnus to lure the kids, especially the football guys, is Pete Metzelaars. He is the NFL’s all time leader in games played by a tight end and is a four time AFC Champion. Obviously, the College is doing something right because every year the number of applicants is growing and interest in the College is spreading nationwide. Needless to say, around 1,200 guys are going to be denied and it only makes our attendance here that much sweeter because it lets us know how much better we are than all of those other guys who just couldn’t cut it. That actually makes Wabash that much more exclusive and makes us more proud to be going here. That’s the last thing we need at this school, more narcissistic men; is there a way we can weed out those kids in this application process? On the Eventual Necessity of Social Niceties There was, in this newspaper, some discussion of manners and mores. The prevailing notion, at least as I understood it, of the situation was that Wabash men are unprepared for the social niceties of the real world – when they aren’t being downright boorish. Does your author agree? Probably. However, what he finds more disturbing is the seeming lack of perspective that many students – here and elsewhere – have on these issues. There is a time and place for sweatpants. If you feel the desire to go to class, dressed as though you were headed to the gym or a late-night study session, then that’s your prerogative. However, let’s not kid ourselves into thinking we could get away with that in “reality.” Like it or not, professional and polite society will judge you on how you dress. The esoteric side of it, like no white between Labor and Memorial days and that black suits are for servants and the dead, will probably not be made sticking points. However, there are standards. People PATRICK SMITH OPINION EDITOR dressed appropriately project competence and authority. After receiving a Wabash education, it would be a shame to lose a client, a promotion, or even the respect of your colleagues by being dressed in a déclassé manner. Your author’s internship this past summer was at an office populated by artists and arts administrators. Suffice it to say, it wasn’t formal. However, a shirt and tie was expected of gentlemen. Except on casual Fridays, when you could wear a collared shirt and jeans. But never shorts. Which is fine, especially if you have unflattering legs, as your author has the sneaking suspicion that he does. It was an office, and people “After receiving a Wabash education, it would be a shame to lose a client, a promotion, or even the respect of your colleagues by being dressed in a déclassé manner.” expected even me, a college student, to act like it. However, when your author went to see Pierre Boulez lead the Chicago Symphony Orchestra in a radiant and incisive account of Mahler’s 7th, there were people of all ages dressed as though they were going to see Rex Grossman and the Bears waste their potential at Soldier Field. It is inconceivable to your author that anyone could go to a See, SOCIAL, Page 5 31opinion 2/28/07 6:31 PM Page 5 Social From Page 4 temple of culture dressed for a football game. There are situations that require appropriate dress. However, spending one’s college days dressed like – and your author has to give Christopher Hitchens credit for this delicious phrase – Brideshead regurgitated is probably not adequate preparation for those situations. Now, your author is sure that he will be accused of calling for the transformation of Wabash men into effete, elite ninnies. Hogwash. Utter hogwash. In the days before professional athletes, actors, and other notorious personages defined elite American culture, men – real men – were versed in the arts of manners, appropriate dress, and how not to act. It is only with modernity, slamming through culture and tradition with the force of an Essen steam-hammer, that the correct way to behave (and the definition of manliness) has been defined by people who – fifty years ago – wouldn’t have gotten a second glance from polite society. Yes, classic gentlemen are effete and elite; but only because they are now defined relative to a “cultural” elite that is anything but. Your author will argue that classic gentlemen can be as manly as anyone fresh off the gridiron. For example, William Randolph Hearst was noted for his proper (to the point of fussy) dress and exquisite manners. However, anyone who would suggest that he wasn’t virile knows nothing about his career and rise to the top of the newspaper business. It can work both ways, and – really – it was designed to work both ways. However, this isn’t a mandate to start wearing finery to class and other events (unless it seems prudent to do so). No, this is a suggestion that it’s never too early to start thinking about such things. If that means putting some effort into your daily attire and behaving as though you were at an office, then all the better. It’s likely that sort of effort will impress your Guidelines on Club Recognition opinion The Bachelor • PAGE 5 March 1, 2007 “However, spending one’s college days dressed like ... Brideshead regurgitated is probably not adequate preparation for those situations” professors. And, let’s be serious, they’re the only person in the classroom who matters. However, if that just means buying one of the “guidebooks” to gentlemanly behavior, learning how to tie a tie (or a bowtie, your author’s neckwear of choice), and going to nice restaurants with friends to practice your etiquette, that’s just as good. It’s not a Stalinist mandate from the NKVD. However, be forewarned: you will learn it at some point, by choice or by error. Perhaps, just perhaps, it would be best to get it down pat here, among friends, than in the thick of it, under the eyes of the man or woman who signs your paycheck. As to manners, well, that’s tricky. In fact, your author has heard the definition of manners (and that of a gentleman) as modes of behavior designed to put people at ease. Your author would simply recommend a very easy and sensible test: if you couldn’t say it to your grandmother (or mother, as the case may be), then you probably shouldn’t say it in polite company. What is done and said in the privacy of fraternities and dormitories is an issue best left to the residents. This shouldn’t be some ringing indictment of the prevailing standards of Wabash men. Far from it; for the most part, everything done here is par for the college course. However, there is a “real” world out there, and it doesn’t smile on relaxed standards. Your author believes it prudent to prepare for that world while there is still no penalty. Otherwise, well, the notion of a Pyrrhic victory comes to mind. CBPR Committee Chairman Brett Gann ’07 sent the following guidelines for club recognition in to the Bachelor. He cited some recent confusion on the matter, and asked for the Bachelor to run these guidelines. They are reproduced here as sent by Chairman Gann. - Patrick Smith, Opinion Editor BRETT GANN WABASH ’07 In the last year, the process of recognition by student groups has changed, and it occurs to me that not every student has been notified about those changes. Please let this serve as public notice. More detailed information can be provided on request. It has been and continues to be the practice of the student government and of the college to allow students to associate as they please. Thus, students who wish to form clubs or organizations may do so whenever and however they like. However, the college generally only recognizes student clubs through the Student Senate. Therefore, student groups seeking to affiliate themselves with the college and to reap the rewards for a positive relationship with the college, namely funds, must gain recognition by the Student Senate. (READ: No student group requires Student Senate recognition; however, unrecognized or derecognized groups will not receive student government assistance.) That being said, most if not all student groups seek recognition. So what is the process? There is a simple two page document that every new club needs. It is called “Guidelines and Petition for Clubs Seeking Recognition.” This document details what a club and its leaders need to do in order to achieve recognition. Step One. Obtain a copy of the document from one of your Student Senate representatives. In the future, we hope that this document will be easily accessible from the internet. Step Two. Fill out the petition, and include the necessary attachments. An incomplete petition cannot be considered. The petition requests the following information: (1) What’s your club’s name? Easy. (2) What’s your club’s purpose and objective? In other words, what does your club set out to do (purpose) and how does it plan to accomplish this (objective)? Give this one a little thought. The Student Senate generally prefers not to recognize multiple clubs with the same or similar purposes and objectives. (3) Who are the club’s president and treasurer? For financial purposes, the Student Senate requires that you have at least these two officers. (4) Who are the club’s members? The petition requires signatures from at least ten members. Of course, it never hurts to have more! (5) How does your club plan on governing itself? Attach a few details on how the club will run, at least include membership requirements and officer descriptions / election details. Step Three. Turn the petition into Student Body President Jesse James or Vice-President Bob Boarman. They will tell you the day and time that the Student Senate will vote on your petition. An officer of the club must be present! If no one shows up, the Student Senate may deny or postpone the decision. Three easy steps, that’s all it takes to get recognized. If you have questions, your Senators are eager to assist you. If you have procedural questions, feel free to contact me (gannb). If you have financial questions, feel free to contact Senate Treasurer McKinney (mckinner) or a member of the AFC. Good luck! Got an Opinion? Want to Share It? Write for the Bachelor! Send your article to Nelson Barre ([email protected]) and Patrick Smith ([email protected]) by 8 PM Tuesday. Please limit guest columns to 600-800 words. It’s easy, it’s free, it’s painless - have your voice heard: write for the Bachelor! photo 2/28/07 6:57 PM Page 4 Amarcord Amazes Wabash PAGE 6 • Amarcord March 1, 2007 Photos By Brock Johnson The Bachelor photo 2/28/07 6:58 PM Page 5 With Both Wit and Talent The Bachelor Amarcord • PAGE 7 March 1, 2007 Photos by Clayton Craig 3.1.07 2/28/07 6:37 PM Page 2 Ten Spring Break Activities To Keep Wallies Occupied PAGE 8 • stuff The Bachelor March 1, 2007 TIM RICKARD WABASH ‘08 Are you going on Spring Break? Have you conned your way into a class with a built in immersion trip like me? Or are you going to be stuck either in Crawfordsville because the commute is too expensive or at home because you did not plan your one break of spring semester ahead of time. Although I am fortunate enough to see the world on the college’s buck, here are some suggestions for my brothers in alms here at Wabash. 1. The first day back be sure to prank call all of your friends who go to larger schools. Division I schools have one more week to go until break. Rub this in or call and tell them that their midterm examination has been moved to 7:00AM in the gymnasium due to flooding in the building. 2. Further relive your high school days by TPing your old teachers’ houses. Officials will believe it was the current students while you get the satisfaction of sticking it to the man. They’ve had this coming for a long time now and you know it. 3. Learn from your mistake. Plan for your summer. Find an internship where you can be in a metropolitan area where the bar scene is very lively. If you are underage, however, do not bother getting an internship. The female interns will not be interested anyway. 4. Early in the week, try some crystal meth. Find out what the buzz is about. High Times magazine has reported that X and weed use is on the decline due to the recent increase in sting operations and a comparable weaker effect than in methamphetamines. Be sure to allot enough time to check into rehab the next day so that you are clean for classes. 5. Try to pull people over using yellow construction lights. If they are dumb enough to be pulled over by a truck in yellow lights, they deserve to get a fake ticket. Renting a cop uniform would not be a good plan, however. Instead wear either a clown outfit, penguin costume, or an astronaut suit. If you choose the astronaut suit, be sure to bound slowly to the car and act like you are suffocating when you take off your helmet. By this time, the detained will realize that this is a prank and drive away or get out of their car to kick your Ass-tronaut. Bring a friend. 6. Spend an hour a day at the phone store trying out different phones. Bring a friend during this so that if asked why you keep coming back, the friend can say that you suffer from advanced early Alzheimers and can’t remember what phone you decided on the day before. 7. Plan out weekly controversies for when you return to school. The intent should be to increase interest in on campus events. It really isn’t that much work. Ashcroft week has already been started and nobody reads anything but Barackman’s revenge during finals week (Seniors submit to [email protected]). 8. Do a model. That’s right. A supermodel. 9. Eat at every restaurant in your town. This will either be a night out or an week long adventure. If you are from a small town and you have finished with all the restaurants, make flyers advertising new restaurants in town. Use the address from the elementary school , the juvenile correction facility, the local strip club, and at the intersection of two country roads in the fields. Follow through and ask around during the summer to see if anybody went. 10. On the Friday of break, be sure to visit your friends’ houses. If the parents are home, tell them you are here to borrow something up in their bedroom, and then set their alarm for 5:00AM. When they come back that day, party all night, go to sleep at 4:00AM, and wake up the whole house their first night back it is sure to set a good tone for the rest of their break. However, a word of warning if you go home. Do not ask if anything around the house needs to be done. Your parents have been without slave labor in two months. They will attempt to cram the rest of the time designated for relaxation with as many store trips and bathroom remodelings as possible. Be very cautious, as you might find yourself digging up the septic tank during your blissful week in March. Take Pictures and send the funny ones to [email protected]. Embarrassing, incriminating, and illegal photos welcomed. They will be considered for publication. Enjoy Break. 3.1.07 2/28/07 6:36 PM Page 1 Reno 911!: Miami + The Number 23 = Satisfaction stuff The Bachelor • PAGE 9 March 1, 2007 Reno 911!: Miami Comedy Central finally brought its hit show Reno 911! to the big screen. I guess the four year wait for the movie was worth it because the movie is unbelievably hysterical and never allows the laughs to stop. That is why Reno 911! worked so well as a television show: it was consistently funny. Reno 911!: Miami is one of those rare movies that is so stupid it is actually smart. I know that sounds extremely contradictory, but the movie puts its officers in such random and stupid situations that you have no choice but to laugh out loud. The movie opens up with a terrorist bomb threat in Reno and the best are sent in to take care of it. Unfortunately, for the citizens of Reno, the team consists of Deputy Travis Junior, Deputy Trudy Weigel, Lieutenant James Ron Dangle and his tight daisy dukes, Deputy Clementine Johnson, Deputy Raineesha Williams, Deputy Cheresa Kimball, Deputy S. Jones, and Deputy James Oswaldo Garcia. Anyone who watches the show religiously knows how each one of the officers is completely incompetent and some, mainly Deputy Weigel, are just completely mentally retarded. This opening scene in Reno starts the movie off with a bang because you feel as if you are watching an action packed film, like Die Hard. Then you see the officers jump out of the helicopters and the only thing I can remember, due to my uncontrollable laughing, was Deputy Clementine wearing a very sexy black spandex outfit, that resembled a one-piece bathing suit, and let more of her breasts fall out than Jenna James does in one of her movies. To further make her outfit look more outrageous, she is wearing fishnets with it. Classy, Miss Clementine! The basic plot of the movie involves the officers of Reno being invited to a convention of the nation’s best. The only reason they are invited, as Lieutenant Dangle so eloquently puts it, “They invited everyone.” They don’t let this get them down and head to Miami to attend the convention. When they arrive, they are denied entry, mainly because of the ridiculous way they all look in their “civilian clothes” and are left to make the best of a bad situation and stay at the dirty and dangerous International Inn. As they arrive at the convention the next day they are shocked to find out that ROB FENOGLIO STUFF EDITOR there was a terrorist attack on the convention and all attending officers were affected with a deadly virus. Who will guard Miami in this troubling time? That is where Reno’s finest come in. Reno 911!: Miami is such a great movie because, unlike some televisionto-movie films, it does not abandoned its roots. Miami keeps with the television’s theme as a voyeuristic reality cop show. The camera crew is still there filming all of the officers’ every move and it wouldn’t be Reno 911! without some domestic disturbances (one including an alligator in a pool) and Terry Bernadino, the gay prostitute who glides around Reno in his roller skates. He makes it all the way to Miami because he is “recording an album.” Terry is a fan favorite on the show for his ludicrous sexual behavior and his absurd tube tops and daisy dukes. Terry actually speaks the best line in the entire movie mainly because it contains the work ukulele. If anybody can use that word effectively in a sentence, they should get an award. Many of the scenes play off the interaction between the officers and their personal lives. For instance, the new deputy on the block (added in season three), Deputy Cheresa Kimball, is often referred to as a lesbian by the others and mainly by Deptuy Williams. She consistently accuses Kimball of being a lesbian, while Kimball swears against it while simultaneously being grabbed by tall black women. “We’re gonna go play some ball,” Deputy Kimball tells Deputy Williams. She is definitely not a lesbian…at all. One of the best scenes involves Deputy Weigel and Deputy Williams on beach patrol. Williams is trying to teach Weigel how to act ghetto when people try to give them trouble. For example, Williams tells Weigel that if someone comes up to them, she should say, “What up, yo?” Weigel, being the dimwit that she is, decides to improvise against Williams wishes not to and ends up say- ing, “What up, my n****s?” Deputy Williams’ response to this is priceless. Reno 911!: Miami is a fantastic television adaptation for the big screen and really feels like an unrated episode of Reno 911! which is exactly what works so well for the film. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Comedy Central has scored with this film and has created one of the few great television-to-film adaptations. Final Grade: A The Number 23 Jim Carrey is not my favorite actor for serious roles. He bombed in The Majestic and was alright in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. So, his serious role resume does not have a very sound foundation. That is the only thing that plagues The Number 23. The movie itself is an amazing psychological thriller that effectively creeps you out with every turn and discovery of a new relevance of the number 23, but Jim Carrey isn’t the right guy for the part. Carrey’s character, Walter Sparrow (W is the 23rd letter in the alphabet), is a worker for the Animal Control Department (23 letters) and is late one night to pick up his wife from her job at her bakery. She stumbles into a bookstore and is oddly entranced by a book with a blood red cover. Walter is running a little late due to a stray dog named Ned (N is the 14th letter in the alphabet, E is the 4th letter, D is the 5th; 14 + 4 + 5 = 23) that has a bad attitude and has headed to a tombstone with the name Laura Tollins. The dog apparently belongs to the gardener and is left alone. As Walter meets his wife, Robin, and she tells him about the book, aptly named “The Number 23.” She decides to buy it for him since it is his birthday. By the way, the date is February 3 (that would be 2-3). You obviously get the idea how the number is significant in almost every minute and trivial way. That is another thing that is really cool about The Number 23. Throughout the movie there a hidden nods to 23 in every scene; sometimes quite obvious and at other times are cleverly hidden in the background. As Walter reads the book more and more he realizes how it is almost as if someone knows him and has written the book specifically for him. Walter, con- “The Number 23 is a dark and sometimes clumsy movie, but overall it creates the atmosphere it promises and has a great surprise ending.” vinced the author, Topsy Kretts, knew him and that the character, Fingerling, and the book both have a real significance to him. Robin thinks that Walter is reading too far into the book and is just becoming paranoid. But, now Walter’s life has been consumed with the number 23 itself (his social security number adds up to 23, his birthday is on February 3, he married his wife on October 13 [10 + 13 = 23], etc.). Now, Walter must solve the mystery hidden within “The Number 23” if he wishes to get his life back to normal and figure out what the number really means. The film should be noted for its innovative opening credits that contain nods to ominous evens in history that contain the number 23. For instance, the ones that stood out the most were the events of 9/11/2001 (9 + 11 + 2 + 0 + 0 + 1 = 23), Kurt Cobain was killed in 1994 (1 + 9 + 9 + 4 = 23), Caeser was stabbed 23 times, and the Atomic bomb was dropped on Hiroshima at 8:15 (8 + 15 = 23). This was really cool because it already pulls you into the mythology of the number 23 and lets you know that Jim Carrey’s character is in for a world of chaos and obsession. The Number 23 is a dark and sometimes clumsy movie, but overall it creates the atmosphere it promises and has a great surprise ending that even the best detective could have never figured out. Although the film drags in some parts, its parallels between Fingerling and Walter Sparrow work effectively and really make the characters seem like a dual personality. Joel Shumacher, who directed the film, is known for making some pieces of garbage (Batman and Robin, to name his worst), but has struck gold with The Number 23. The weird thing is that my birthday is on 1/7/87, which adds up to 23 and I just finished writing this at exactly 2:30. Shit! Final Grade: B+ 31opinion 2/28/07 6:31 PM Page 6 Comprehensives, Curriculum, and Study Camps PAGE 10 • opinion The Bachelor March 1, 2007 A Senior Discusses His Comprehensive Exams, The Curriculum Proposal, and Wabash Tradition ROSS DILLARD WABASH ‘07 Wow. So my comps experience finally came to an end on Monday when the grades were released nearly eight weeks after pen was first laid to paper on the written exams. Upon reflection, I honestly think it was the most challenging academic thing I’ve had to do since, well, I mean, ever. normally you take a mid-term or at worse a semester-long comprehensive final exam or write a reasonably long paper which you have plenty of time to prepare for (even if you end up doing it at 10 the night before anyway). In the case of exams, I’ve never found it too unreasonable to put together a comprehensive set of information on a course I just attended 2 to 3 times a week for the past 12 weeks and then handle whatever might be asked on the final up to a 90-95% level of accuracy. But now imagine having to prepare that for three to five courses you haven’t had to attend in two years and then attempt to handle the exams in rapid-fire succession at similar levels of accuracy. It is most certainly no small feat. I suppose after watching three classes of seniors go through this before me and earn their respective honors, I figured it may not be so tough. But let me tell you, after going through it I have gained the utmost sense of respect for my 16 classmates and their predecessors who have finished here with distinction. Whether they simply found the subject that clicked the best for them at a level that would allow them to handle literally anything thrown at them or possessed the capacity to learn and command truckloads of information, they have each made a spectacular achievement. And to all the underclassmen out there, plan to prepare well because it is no easy task. It just so happens that comps are one of the many areas being addressed by this new curriculum review by the faculty. While there’s no debate on the table as to whether comps should go or stay, it’s definitely one of those overall good experiences where you might be perfectly miserable in the process but really feel like you’ve accomplished something when it’s all over. I can’t imagine other schools where you simply complete the correct number of courses and then are handed a diploma. Anyway, so there are a number of good and bad things, in my opinion, associated with the proposed curriculum changes. The idea of cutting one semester of C&T so as to free up the resources to have all freshman tutorials in the fall is a great one. What is the point of having a spring semester freshman tutorial when you’ve already been at the college for half a year? Plus there are a “While there’s no debate on the table as to whether comps should go or stay, it’s definitely one of those overall good experiences where you might be perfectly miserable in the process but really feel like you’ve accomplished something when it’s all over.I can’t imagine other schools where you simply complete the correct number of courses and then are handed a diploma.” number of neat things that could be done with a unified tutorial program- our history and traditions, an introduction to the wide variety of intellectual stimuli on campus, integration with weekly chapels, etc. Are freshman ready for C&T in their spring semester though? I don’t think so. Keep it in the sophomore year in the spring in hopes of better discussion for more Wabash-experienced students. And what about these required “senior tutorials” about current issues? No way. Seniors should have no restrictions on their class choices and have hopefully learned about how to discuss real world issues by participating in literally any aspect of college life during their four years here. If the faculty is looking for a senior capstone course that might combine interesting things about multiple majors, why not look at creative ways to revise and better unify the capstone course we already have- Senior Seminar? Maybe departmental seminars could arrange to meet together once in awhile. Combined lectures that might discuss things like what a history major could appreciate about economics could be very valuable; but please don’t force me into another C&T when I’m trying to schedule my final requirements for graduation. The other two components are the two week spring break plus moving comps to the second week of that break plus this new concept of a “super major” where you can have like 15 credits in a major that combines departments. I won’t be sold on the moving comps idea until I’m convinced that the faculty has figured out how they can logistically deal with 170 orals, double majors, etc. in a five day period. Now there was this thought thrown out by the faculty committee at the Q&A a few weeks ago that the new comps schedule could allow Senior Study Camps to return. How do we feel about students and faculty spending a few days together reviewing and refreshing material before comps? John Coulter, a former VP of Wabash, started up study camps in the 1930’s and the seniors really seemed to reflect well on them until interest kind of died out in the 70’s. I kind of like the idea, but would also be interested to hear what other people think. Finally, I support the “super major” as long as I still have the option to have a major and minor if I want to do it that way. Having more options seems like a good thing to me in general. Well, I’m quickly running out of space, but I do want to make a quick mention that the Board of Publications will be electing a new Editor-in-Chief of this paper, The Bachelor, at its meeting after spring break. Please inquire to Nick Gregory at [email protected] if you’re interested in applying. I get to vote in this election, so I will say that my philosophy on this is that anyone who is involved on campus and is willing to give up their Wednesday nights to put a paper together and has an honest desire to make this publication better deserves a chance to do it. So upperclassmen especially who might be interested but don’t think they have enough experience- please, please apply. Sports12 2/28/07 6:25 PM Page 1 Tennis Heads to SC For Spring Break sports The Bachelor • PAGE 11 March 1, 2007 ANDREW PARRISH WABASH ‘10 Break is quickly approaching. For the Wabash tennis team, this means spending a week in Hilton Head, South Carolina for three matches. The first match is actually played in Atlanta Georgia. The team will leave campus Saturday night and fly into Atlanta. Sunday the team will meet Oglethorpe for a single match. After the single match, the team is off to South Carolina for three matches in three days. Monday, the Wabash netters will meet Waynesburg College from Pennsylvania. Tuesday they will play Baldwin Wallace from Ohio. The final match of the trip will be played on “Some of the perks of going on a team trip like this are team chemistry, getting off campus, friendly playing outdoors, and preparation for tough conference matches coming up.” Coach Jason Hutchinson Wednesday against Muskingum College, also from Ohio. “Some of the perks of going on a team trip like this are team chemistry, getting off campus, friendly playing outdoors, and preparation for tough conference matches coming up,” said Coach Hutchison. The Little Giants leave for the trip with a conference record of 1-2 and an overall record of 3-5. The goal for the trip, according to Coach Hutchison, “is to leave Hilton Head with a winning record.” The Little Giants tennis team is looking forward to the challenge and is also hoping to prepare for the upcoming conference matches against Wittenberg and Denison. Best of luck to the tennis team this coming week! The Indianapolis Association of Wabash Men says Good Luck to Track at NCACs Good Luck to Keith Garrard at Nationals Good Luck to Tennis in South Carolina PHOTOS COURTESY OF PUBLIC AFFAIRS The tennis team will be lead this year by seniors Dan Albrecht, Adam Van Zee (top) and Adrian Starnes (bottom). The team will play Oglethorpe University in Atlanta, then travel to Hilton Head, South Carolina to play Waynesburg University and Baldwin-Wallace University. Good Luck to Golf and Baseball in Arizona Wabash Always Fights Sports12 2/28/07 6:33 PM Page 2 Football Embraces Community PAGE 12 • Sports The Bachelor March 1, 2007 Photos by Elijah Sanders Top Left: Freshman Ryan Bogenschutz looks over a fully equipped elementary schooler. Top Right: Junior Andy Dieg fields questions from an inquisitive kindergartener. Bottom: Junior Jared Lange and Bogenschutz give helmets to their group.