Azeroth Vacation Guide!

May 2012 – Issue 2
Want to get away from it all?
Azeroth Vacation
Guide!
Need a break from fighting
monsters and farming mats?
Take a vacation in Azeroth!
Plus…
A Boy & His Drake
Journey Through Misfortune
Princess Akira Artwork
The Dark Truth about Gnomes
Azeroth Real Estate
Song parody and jokes!
Table of Contents
Feature: Azeroth Vacations & Travel
Acknowledgements
Azeroth Vacation Guide ……………..………………………… 3
Booty Bay ..…………………………………………………………………. 4
Contributors:
Eldamar
Stormwind Day Trips ………………………….……………….……… 7
>Goldshire ……….…………………….….………………….….. 8
Veina
>Elwynn Forest Camping …………………………………….9
Akiradaisuke
>Westfall Canoe Trip………..…….……….……………….. 10
Jezieneko
Northrend Cruise Lines …………………………..………………….11
Adventure Safaris: Un’Goro………………………………………..13
SamuelB
Silverdoom
> Ratchet & The Barrens …….…………….………………… 15
>Tanaris……………………..……………………………………….. 17
A Boy and His Drake …………….……………………….19
Gnomes: The Dark Side ………….….……….……….. 21
Uncle Samuelb’s Call to Arms ………………………..22
Journey Through Misfortune....…..……………….. 23
“Princess Akira” Artwork ……………….………….…. 26
Sandstone Snapshots …….………………….…………. 27
Azeroth Real Estate Listings .……….….……………. 28
Raid Healin’ Song Parody …….………………..………31
The Most Epic Joke …….………………………………….32
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Thanks to all of you for
submitting to the second
issue of “Slacker World
News.” I hope more
people will get involved
next month. 
You work hard, and you work long, day in and day out going about the essential business of life in Azeroth. Those bosses
aren’t going to suddenly decide to stop their nefarious plans. That elementium ore isn’t going to farm itself. Those quest
givers aren’t going to suddenly say, “Hey, why don’t I just go get the 7 boar livers myself?”
Yes, you work hard. You deserve a break… a time to kick back and relax, get pampered a little, or maybe have a real
adventure where you’re NOT in mortal danger sun-up to sun-down.
This Azeroth Vacation Guide features many exciting destinations around the WoW world, plus information to make your
journeys truly memorable for all the right reasons. So take a look inside, then grab a gryphon or book a cabin on a ship
and enjoy your trip for a change. Pack a sweater and sunblock, but leave the sword and shield at home!
Slacker World News had some new people submitting
this month … THANKS! I still hope more people get
involved in the months to come. Regardless, I have fun
putting this magazine together. Hope people have fun
reading it and checking out the artwork too.
Next month’s issue will feature articles/stories/artwork
about the wildlife that inhabits Azeroth and all the WoW
lands. Feel free to ask Irx questions and submit anything, no
matter what the WoW topic.
Enjoy! and visit WowSlackers.com for more info about
this and future magazine issues.
3
Irx
Booty Bay Weekend
Accessible by foot, land mount, flying mount, flight path or ship, Booty Bay is THE destination for the discerning
traveler. Although it has suffered a bit of structural damage in the Cataclysm, the weathered boards and elegantly
draped sea weed add a touch of seaside charm to this bustling town.
Pack light! The goblin inhabitants of Booty Bay are more than eager to take your gold in exchange for beach clothes,
exotic delicacies and souvenirs. Why not pick up a colorful parrot in the The Old Port Authority?
Although you’ll find plenty to do in Booty Bay itself – fishing off the long dock, partying in the tavern, shopping at the
cross-faction auction house or in various shops that line the wharf – there are plenty of day trips and excursions
offered. Let an old sea dog take you out for a deep sea fishing trip! Paddle out to the island in the bay (when the
giant is away) and see the goblin statue and the treasure of the deep! Climb the cliffs to the natural spring pools from
which gorgeous waterfalls cascade into the ocean.
Baron Rivelgaz of the
Steamwheedle Cartel will
welcome you personally to
Booty Bay.
Enjoy your stay, but stay out of
trouble. Goblins, though quite
welcoming to anyone with coin
in their purse, will have no
qualms about cutting your visit
short if you get out of hand…
or run out of money!
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Booty Bay Lodging & Cuisine!
The Salty Sailor Tavern & Inn
Rustic charm fills the rooms at the Salty Sailor
Inn, which is fashioned from the carefully
preserved remains of an old sailing ship.
Double or single rooms feature soft beds,
sturdy tables and chairs, random barrels
which appear to serve no purpose and, oddly
enough, tauren-made rugs.
Lit by fish oil lanterns and heated with woodburning stoves on nights the winds come off
the water, the rooms may smell a bit funky,
but they will be comfortable enough for a
long weekend.
At the bar, Nixrag Fillamug will be happy to
do as his name implies: keep you swilling
down the best drinks money can buy. Not
only does the tavern offer the usual port,
mead and ale, the regional special
Junglevine wine is served up nice and cold.
After drinks, round out the evening with a
well-seasoned rockscale cod or spinefin
halbut with some moist cornbread on the
side.
A word of caution: junglevine wine is
exceptionally strong. If you look like an easy
mark, the staff may try to give you triples if
you ask for doubles. Goblins are well aware
of the old truth: you spend more gold when
you’re drunk.
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Booty Bay Adventure!
While some enjoy fishing or hiking the
trails around the many waterfalls above
Booty Bay, some prefer to stay closer to
a hot meal and shop, shop, shop their
cares away.
A new cockatiel will keep you company
as you sample exotic recipes at Kelsey
Yance’s “Good Food” (try the Giant Clam
Scorchio!) and try out new guns at
“Boomstick Imports East.”
Stranglethorn
Fishing
Extravaganza!
Every Saturday morning, grab your pole and worms and head out to the shores of Stranglethorn to catch tasty
fish! The first to catch 40 wins the grand prize! This is a Booty Bay event not to be missed.
Whether you have the Arcanite, the Jeweled or just a plain, level one fishing pole, you can experience the
excitement of cut-throat fishing competition.
6
Stormwind
Day Trips
Stormwind by Day!
Stormwind by Night!
By day, this bustling city is filled with all
sorts of people coming and going about
their business. But it’s a great destination
for day trips as well. Fish in the canals,
watch the sailors at the docks or visit one
of the many taverns for a great meal and
drinks. For the intellectuals, consider taking
a fun class in herbalism, inscription or
blacksmithing from the talented
craftspeople who live here.
When the sun goes down, Stormwind heats
up with the party lights from multiple bars
and inns. The Pig & Whistle hosts karaoke
nights, while The Golden Keg offers free ale
to whoever beats Carbo Goldhammer at a
drinking game. The Blue Recluse in the
mage district offers more elegant nightlife,
with several house wines. With luck you’ll
see a few mages practicing spells at the
tables.
7
Goldshire!
What happens
in Goldshire…
stays in
Goldshire…
The Lion’s Pride Inn dominates the social life in Goldshire, a small town down the road from Stormwind. You can travel
there quickly, day or night on horseback, drake-back or book a gryphon ride. Taking the flight path might be the best
idea, because you don’t have to worry about drunk flying later on after the party’s over.
Mead, port, ale and bourbon flow like water at the long bar, and the upstairs rooms are always full. Book in advance. On
a good night, you’ll find horde to kill, eager young fighters to duel and scantily-clad females aplenty, dancing the night
away at the inn and in the streets.
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Elwynn Forest Camping!
Cozy tents dot the landscape
along the river behind Stormwind
City. The thundering waterfalls
are truly a sight to see, though
they will keep you fairly damp
and make you have to pee
excessively if you camp too close.
The river is perfect for swimming,
fishing and boating (if you don’t
want to go very far), and the
scenery is delightful.
However, camping in Elwynn forest does have its drawbacks. Gryphons and drakes fly over constantly,
reducing privacy and occasionally dropping massive loads on campers below. Goldshire is relatively near, and
the sounds of its nightlife or daily battles against the horde may reach you as you try to relax.
Tents are on a first-come-first-serve basis, and cannot be reserved at any time before or during your stay. If
you make an excursion to the lake at the top of the falls, you may come back to find another group sitting
around your campfire roasting marshmallows. Your only options are to cut the vacation short, or challenge
them to duel, winner take tent.
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Westfall Canoe Trip!
Rolling green plains and majestic trees delight the
senses when you take a canoe trip on the small river
which runs between Elwynn Forest and Westfall.
If you’re lucky, you’ll get to see some boars and
coyotes coming down to the water to drink. Listen to
the screeching calls of the vultures as they squabble
over the remains of some hapless beast. Try to
ignore the cries of the homeless as they gather on
the river banks to beg for gold, food, or to shout
oaths against King Varian, who refuses to give money
to help them rebuild their farms, instead erecting
large statues of himself in Stormwind.
Enjoy your
stay!
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Mount ad by Veina
Northrend Cruise
Board the ship at Menethil Harbor in the
Wetlands to begin your Northrend
adventure!
Enjoy fine dining (on mostly fish and rum)
aboard the impressive ice-breaker cruise
liner as it sails for weeks to get to Valgarde
in picturesque Howling Fjord.
As you pull into Daggercap Bay, be amazed
by the icebergs floating on the crystal-clear
water. Playful penguins waddle around on
top. Shore birds wheel around the pinestudded cliffs. If you’re lucky, you’ll spot an
orca cruising the waters too.
A cruise to Northrend may sound like a
delightful vacation, but it should only
be undertaken by the hardiest of folks.
It’s cold… really, bitterly cold… most of
the time, and if you don’t like seafood,
stay at home.
While there is plenty of gorgeous
scenery in Howling Fjord, there are
also rampaging Vrykul, slathering
worgs and pissy military captains who
will try to conscript you into the fight.
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Arriving in Howling Fjord!
One of the best parts of the
Northrend cruise is sailing at low
speed through the natural rock
tunnel into the bay.
Watch the masts almost touch the
towering ceiling, or shout out and
hear the echoes of your voice
bounce back. See the old pirate
camp where robbers and
cutthroats used to hang out.
Emerge again into the light to see
the town docks and buildings.
Both Alliance and Horde regularly visit this town, so
watch what you say in the tavern and shops.
Occasionally, a Kalu’ak vendor may come to
Valgarde. They are friendly folk who specialize in
exotic fish dishes and leather armor, whalebone
tools and top-of-the-line fishing poles.
Travel Tip: Spend the extra money to get a
room in a building in the Fjord. Staying in a tent
will freeze your ass off and probably get you
chosen for guard duty every night.
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Wild Adventure
Safaris!
Un’Goro Crater Raptor Tour
Walk down the dirty path from the plains of Tanaris and you enter a totally different world. The air is thick and
hot. The deep green smell of jungle vegetation fills your nose as you take a deep breath. The air seems to close
in around you and mysterious silence envelopes you as you approach the crater’s bottom.
Then… in the distance you hear it. A low, rumbling roar begins from the west, and another answers from closer
by. The vines start to sway in the underbrush before you as something unseen… and very large… moves through
it. Your breath catches in your throat and you glance nervously at the tour guide.
“Welcome,” he says with a toothy grin, “to Un’goro Crater.”
For those with a love of exotic
adventure, Un’goro Crater
offers a safari experience
second to none!
Travel by horseback down the
steep path into the very
depths of this jungle world.
See towering trees, exotic
wildflowers and vines, the
bubbling tar pits and hot
springs and the raptors and
thunder lizards that inhabit
this lost world.
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The Next Day…
He does snore.
The dwarf goes by the rather ridiculous
name of Barquod Ironbelly, but he snuck
in some Ironforge ale and tells some
rather hilarious stories about his hunting
escapades… both of beasts and dwarf
women. I never knew those little ladies
were so flexible.
Travel Journal
The trek to the bottom of the crater and
then another couple of hours to our first
night’s camp was arduous, to say the
least. Strolling the streets of Stormwind
was never like this.
The guide got us up at the crack of dawn
and ready for our first trek. Breakfast
was roast iguana and some local fruit. A
bit too sweet for my tastes.
The group rode for a good half hour
before coming upon our first view of the
raptors of Un’goro. The guide motioned
us to be quiet as we crept closer to their
breeding ground.
Our guide is excitable and, perhaps, a bit
mad about the plants and small animals
we’ve come across on the tour so far.
Perhaps it’s this heat and the humid
air… I swear I haven’t had a proper
breath in hours.
“Keep quiet… don’t breathe too heavy
now,” the guide whispered and we
complied (except Barquod, who snorted
and snuffled as he always does).
He keeps yelling, “Crikey!” and leading
us off down some overgrown path to
stop and stare at an orchid or odd
species of frog. The parrots are pretty
though… and loud.
Blue and a rich violet, the raptors tended
their eggs, ate lazily from a fly-blown
carcass that lay on the other side of the
clearing, or greeted each other with soft
touches and low rumbles.
The camp is sufficient. I didn’t expect
Lion’s Pride style featherbeds after all. I
do have to share a tent with an odd
dwarf fellow. His beard is so lush you
can hardly make out his features. I bet
he snores.
As we watched, one of the egg piles
began to move slightly, and a sharp crack
sounded. One blue raptor rushed over to
nose the shell off her new young.
I looked over at the group as we watched
in amazement. Barquod was crying.
14
Ratchet & The Barrens!
The goblin town of Ratchet is the first
stop on your tour of The Barrens. Book
a room in the Broken Keel tavern and
inn before heading out with the tour
groups for the safari.
Take some time to go fishing along the
Merchant Coast, visit the mystical
tauren, Islen Waterseer, and get a
glimpse of Alliance sailors hard at
work. If you’re brave enough, take a
quick boat ride out to Fray Island
where the Southsea pirates have their
base of operations.
Be sure to stop by Gazlowe’s observatory for a magnificent view of the night sky over the ocean. Give him a
hand with a few experiments if you dare!
Safari trips are the main attraction in The Barrens. Start out with a river boat ride up the Southfury River
toward Durator. Zhevras and plainstriders can be seen coming down to the crocolisk-filled river to drink. You
might even spy some Razorman Quillboars, the indigenous tribal creatures of the plains.
15
Barren’s Many Ecosystems
The golden grasslands of Northern Barrens
hold a rich and abundant wildlife.
Underneath the spreading trees, prides of
lions lounge in the shade. Zhevras, giraffes
and the occasional kodo graze, while
vultures and hyenas look for their next
meal.
Deluxe package tours will bribe the local
centaurs for safe passage to experience the
emerald jewels of The Barrens, the
Forgotten Pools. These oases have palm
trees and ferns and exotic mushrooms. At
the southern Lushwater Oasis, oasis
snapjaw turtles fish in the shallow waters.
Travel the ancient Gold Road south to the
Great Divide, where The Barrens were split
in half when the Cataclysm hit. This rift
steams and bubbles with lava, and splits the
land into two distinct ecosystems. On the
north, the grasslands the Barrens is famous
for. On the south, The Overgrowth.
Teaming with plant life, The Overgrowth is
an exotic destination for any tour group.
Green pools glow and sparkle between
massive trees, vines and giant flowers. Take
care here, as some of the plants can move
and are rather territorial.
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Tanaris by the Bay
Tanaris isn’t all sand dunes and scorpions! Book a room in the goblin town of Gadgetzan for a long weekend and
enjoy the clear, aqua waters of the bay. When the Cataclysm made Gadgetzan into a coastal town, they realized
they had some special luck in the tourist trade. Watch the builders hard at work on a new ship, take a hot air
balloon ride out to view the pirate battles from a safe distance or stroll the golden sands with the giant
sparkleshell turtles and marauding giants.
In Gadgetzan itself, enjoy shopping at the cross-faction auction house, talk to Dr. Dealwell for some cage fighting
at the arena and be sure to buy a case of the special Gadgetzan brew: Noggenfogger!
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Tanaris Postcard by Jezieneko
Tanaris Dunes Safari
If you’re lucky during your safari in Tanaris
desert, you may get to see one of the rare beasts
that inhabit the wastes. One lucky photographer
managed to catch a pic of a massive crustburster
worm right before she lost an arm (not the one
with the camera in it).
Other rare creatures include the red hyena locals
call Slaverjaw, a massive pink scorpion called
Scorpitor and the large carrion bird Emberwing.
The white sand dunes of Tanaris hide mysteries
beneath. What giant beasts left their bones dotting
the landscape? When were the trollish ruins
abandoned to time and the sand?
The dunes may appear barren, but there is life
there to see on your Tanaris dunes safari. Snakes
hunt large beetles and baby scorpions. Basilisks
march about on their sturdy legs. Fiery vultures
pick clean the bones of the weak while hyenas
chase down the unlucky.
18
A Boy and His Drake… by Silverdoom
From the day I had touch that glowing azure
egg, and heard the slightest crack, to surviving
the cataclysm…I, Silver, had always felt
connected to my nether drake, Aster. It was
almost unexplainable; I knew that my nether
drake could communicate with me. It wasn’t
speaking in a language; I just knew what the
drake was thinking. It was during the scourge
wars when this all began to occur…
Blasts of darkness came from nowhere; I looked
down and spotted a necromancer. I instructed
Aster to use his fiery breath, the flame incased
the necromancer, like a burning hot tomb. I
smiled…but my smile turned into a frown, when
I saw that the necromancer, was still standing,
not just standing, but laughing. So I had Aster
blast him again, this time, I threw one of my
throwing axes down, which disappeared into
the flame.
When we arrived at Northrend, I felt Aster
begin to back up uneasily. I patted Aster on the
neck, and rubbed my hand back and forth to
warm him up. Aster was from the outlands, he
was not used to such biting cold winds, but this
was just the beginning, we were In the Howling
Fjord, nowhere near Icecrown. We trudged
forth, annihilating everything in our way, but as
soon as they went down, another came up, like
an infinite circle.
The necromancer yelled, “your dragon’s flame
can’t hurt me!’
I replied “I know, I didn’t want it to!” Just then
the axe struck the necromancer in the neck, and
the lifeblood spurted from his nose like a scarlet
geyser, staining the snow, and death swirled
around the necromancer.
We flew and flew till we reached
Dragonblight…it was sad what had happened to
this place…I tried to tell Aster not to look down,
but he couldn’t avoid seeing the bones of
dragons. We arrived at the Temple of the
Aspects, where me and Aster were warmly
received by Alexstraza.
After a few hours of slaying the eternal army of
scourge, I tried a new strategy. I whispered
“Lets put on a show, shall we?” Aster roared in
approval, he soared up into the sky, unleashing
a blanket of flame across the scourge. This
worked for a short time, until we stumbled
upon a Necropolis.
19
Aster discussed with some of the other dragons, in a language which I couldn’t understand. I was struck by the
beauty of Alexstraza, her armor was as red as a rose which had just blossomed, and her scarlet hair drifted down
on her shoulder…I shook my head; I couldn’t allow myself to get distracted.
She said in the most serious of voices. “Brave warrior, I admire your bravery, but there are things here…horrid
things…unimaginable things…this is your only chance to turn back.
I laughed “The worse the merrier.”
She wasn’t laughing. She had refreshed our provisions and gave us directions to Icecrown. We flew through
Crystalsong forest in no time, we couldn’t stop to admire Dalaran’s beauty, we were on a
mission…suddenly we heard a terrible roar from the frosty wind in
front of us. I had seen demons, pit lords, faced old gods,
but this was the worst sight I could see.
A death knight’s cold eyes glared at me from atop a
skeletal dragon. Aster roared in anger, infuriated by
what they had done to one of his fellow dragons.
The death knight said, I am Galford, and this is my
dragon Kalergos…”
I replied “Hi, I’m your demise, and this is my dragon,
HIS NAME IS ALSO YOUR DEMISE!” Then we flew into action, Aster
sped through, them throwing the dragon off balance, then I lashed out my sword, clipping the knight’s arm. The
skeletal dragon whacked Aster straight in the face, knocking him unconscious, sending us plummeting to the
ground.
I slapped Aster’s, stomach “Wake up…Wake up you stupid dragon!” Aster’s eyes opened he turned his neck and
sent a lash of fire at Kalergos, extinguishing his frosty heart.
He and his master plummeted into the mountain, exploding into shards of bones. The citadel flew by. All know
the story of that terribleplace, as me and my fellow slackers were all slain by the lich king, I could remember
hearing Aster roar in denial, but we were raised by Tirion, and we defeated the lich king, arthas, and sent his
terrible soul to be condemned for eternity.
Me and Aster rode one last time, we defeated Nefarian in Blackwing Descent, and then we left the life of battle,
and moved to Westfall. The Slackers defeated Deathwing, but I was not there for the battle. One day, me and
Aster will ride again, be it against the silliest of things, perhaps Pandas, or the strongest of foes, like the old gods.
20
Gnomes: A Walk on the Dark Side
Gnomish Quotes
and what they
really mean.
“My, you’re a tall one.”
I’m jealous of your height. I
think I’ll take you out at the
knees.
“Hmm… interesting.”
There has to be some way I
can twist this into a
nefarious scheme.
“You have a great day
now.”
What “I Love to Tinker” REALLY Means…
It’ll probably be your last!
One of these things is not like the other…
“All righty then!”
When you ask any of the taller races “What are gnomes like?”
you get some general answers. Short is usually mentioned,
smart, like to invent stuff, friendly, funny too. Perhaps it is this
very stereotype, of the friendly, silly nerd that causes such a
backlash in a few rogue gnomes. Don’t be too quick to trust, and
never underestimate.
I think you’re an idiot.
Creatures as dumb as you
shouldn’t be allowed to live.
Combine super-power-level intelligence, a love of meddling and
tinkering with anything they can get their tiny little hands on,
and a history of being shunned and excessively punted, and you
got the highest percentage of evil geniuses of any race in
Azeroth. They want to mess things up… and when they do, it’ll be
bad…. really, really bad… I mean really. Really.
21
“Making a special
purchase?”
I got bombs, dynamite, laser
beams, plutonium, a fullyarmed tank and some
felweed. What’ll ya have?
“Be seeing you!”
And you’d better watch
your back…
A murloc walks into a bar with a parrot on its head. The bartender sees it and says, "Wow, that's pretty neat.
Where did you get it?" The murloc replies, "MGRLMGRLMGRLMGLRGMLRMGMGMLRGMMLGRL!"
Q: How many Worgen Druids does it take to chase a cat up a tree?
A: Three! One to be the tree, one to be the cat, and one to be the Worgen.
A rogue and a hunter sit in a bar next to each other, both order a drink.
Suddenly the hunter grabs both drinks and downs them. The rogue looks at him and asks: "What the hell?"
As a reply the hunter yells: "MULTI-SHOT!".
22
Journey Through Misfortune
by Akiradaisuke
Akira stretched, feeling rejuvenated after his long trip to Silithus. He had returned, for two reasons. He had recently acquired
the legendary blade Thunderfury, and the commander, Mar’alith, had requested his aid with a sensitive matter. His wife, or
who Akira assumed as his wife, Natalia, had gone missing inside one of the hives that littered Silithus.
”If she has gone mad, as so many have when they journey into those accursed hive’s… do what you must…”, He had told Akira
as he left his building the day before. Akira rolled his shoulders, donning his fire crown, and left the inn, giving his thanks and a
few gold to the innkeeper. He went to the stable master just outside and asked for his wolf, who was already waking up
himself and walking towards him. He once again offered his thanks and another spare gold for watching Onyoshuu.
”Get some sleep?” He asked as they left town, walking silence up until then.
”You already know the answer, I only rest as long as you, which is far too little”, Onyoshuu responded, with his usual catty
undertone.
Akira hadn’t slept well or long for the last few months, staying up late and waking up early. He had turned it into a habit, and it
ceased to bother him. But he knew his pets, Onyoshuu in particular, had begun to grow tired of the lack of rest, only when
separated by a great distance could his pets rest and wake freely. As they found their way to the road, Akira whistled, long and
sharp, and waited. He walked off the road, and drew the blade from his back.
Thunderfury was the size of any two handed sword, and should have been weld as such, but could be swung with the same
ease as any one handed sword, and just as fast. Its blade was forked, the outer edges were silver, while its inner edges were a
dark blue. In between the blade, a hands length above the hilt, sat a sparking, electric core, and when the blade was swung,
the core would jolt out, and strike all that would or could be struck by the blade.
Soon enough, Akira’s Cenarion hippogryph popped up over the edge of one of the buildings back in town, and raced to him. It
landed nearby, and Akira placed Thunderfury back on his back, and climbed onto the hippogryph when it inclined its head,
”Let’s see who’s faster this time, you Onyoshuu, or my precious hippogryph”. The beast quickly snapped its head to look at
Onyoshuu, to which Onyoshuu growled and already turned south, starting to run to the hive Mar’alith believed Natalia was at.
23
Akira gently tapped the sides of the hippogryph with his heel, and it took off, chasing after the wolf darting beneath it. Silithus
was a familiar sight to Akira, but every time he returned he felt there was something different, something out of place,
something… wrong.
Before long they arrived at Hive’Regal, and Akira indicated a spot near where Onyoshuu sat waiting next to the entrance to
the hive. The hippogryph angled down slightly and dove toward the wolf, alighting nearby and rustling his feathers, displaying
his dislike of losing to the wolf. Onyoshuu merely gave him a toothy grin and clicked his teeth. Akira dismounted and sent the
bird back to the town, while he turned and nodded his head toward the gaping hole, ”No turning back now”.
They walked through, and entered a tightly packed tunnel, most of the creatures they ran into paid them no mind, at least not
right away. As they journeyed deeper into the hive, Akira couldn’t help but feel like he heard some one, or something,
whispering in his ear, but regardless of how hard he focused, he couldn’t make out the words. As they came upon a fork, a
spitfire darted out from the ceiling, stinger protruding to stab straight through Akira.
Onyoshuu growled, low enough so only Akira and the Spitfire could hear, but it did the trick, the creature paused, long
enough for Akira to draw his bow, string it, whisper a short word, and release an arrow, laced with a fast acting poison. It
struck the spitfire, who uttered a screech like noise and fell to the ground, its body slowly turning green and rotting away.
Akira kept his bow drawn from that point on, with an arrow tensed, pointed to fire through the triple purple seal.
They once again ran into insects that paid them no mind, and the whispering had grown stronger, louder, but still Akira could
make no sense of it, ”Do you hear that?” He finally asked Onyoshuu. The wolf merely growled and rustled his fur, indicating
his confirmation and dislike of the fact. At the end of the hive, rested a large, semi circular room, with several more insects
walking around, mindlessly working, and a large incline, with a white-ish green crystal resting in the middle. And kneeling next
to the crystal, was Natalia. Akira motioned to express his relief she was alive, when the night elf jerked her head to stare at
him, and spoke, words Akira couldn’t understand, and one of the hive lords charged him. Onyoshuu caught him mid-charge
and pushed him aside, dancing around the insect, who was moving fast enough to keep pace with the wolf.
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Akira strung his bow, ready to strike at the insect while it was distracted. Another unintelligible word escaped
from Natalia, and the arrow, along with each arrow Akira kept on him, shattered. Akira turned to Natalia, and
realized how she could command the creatures of the hive, along with how she knew a spell that could destroy
his arrows. She had become the High Priestess of C’thun, one of the Old Gods imprisoned beneath the ground
by the Titans. He drew Thunderfury, realizing there was no helping his wolf, or freeing Natalia, until she lay
dead. He saw there was no hope in speaking to her, he realized what the whispers were now, the maddened
chattering of the Old God, spoken through Natalia.
Akira ran headlong at Natalia, hoping to end this madness with one swing of his blade. Natalia turned her focus
back on him, and spoke, with a voice a soft, sweet voice, that carried an underlying darkness, ”I know you, my
master has told me much since you first trespassed upon this hive, you will not kill me, and I will never return
to that fool of a husband”. Akira snarled, and swung his blade, ready to bring it down upon her, to end the
whispering, and the torture of her soul.
A word, a single unintelligible word was uttered once more, and Akira stopped, and was thrown into the wall,
near where his wolf and the hive lord were still fighting. Natalia pointed one long, wicked finger at him, ”My
master knows, he sees, a relic you carry, let this relic be your doom”. She spoke of the last relic of Argus Akira
carried with him, a relic that teleported the user to a random location in the world. A spiked line of silvery blue
energy hooked from her finger, and drove into him, digging for the relic, and upon finding it, activating it,
”Enjoy the fall”. And the world in front of him disappeared, and was replaced with the sunny sky’s and colorful
trees of Stranglethorn.
Akira looked down, and snarled again, realizing that the relic, or more directly Natalia, had transported him
above the sundering in the middle of Stranglethorn, a new whirlpool created by Deathwing’s return to Azeroth.
Akira closed his eyes, and cursed his misfortune. He fell, and he fell, and he fell, keeping his eyes closed, until
the darkness of his eyes became darker, and he knew he had fallen to his doom.
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Akira and Jezie Shopping ….. by Jezieneko
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Sandstone Snapshots
Journey Around the World with Akira, the Sandstone Drake
Akira and Smitty stopping
by the top of Blackrock
Mountain for a relaxing day
at the spa!
Akira and Smitty stopping
by the Temple of
Atal’hakkar.
Akira and Irx checking out
the Legion’s latest attempt
at creating a new dark
portal to Azeroth.
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Real Estate For Sale: Dandred’s Fold
All real estate listings by Eldamar
Dandred’s Fold:
Location: Hillsbrad Foothills, on
Lordamere Lake
Waterfront property!
Gardens and stables included.
Cost: 125kg
A beautiful lake front property with an outstanding view of Undercity (oh yay… Undead). You won’t find a
view like this anywhere else! The previous owner intended to vacation here in the summer but was killed
shortly after the Cataclysm and sadly couldn’t enjoy it as he had planned. Take advantage of his loss (being
right next to so many Undead… he may pop in now and again)!
The interior is in pristine condition. All the rooms in this lovely home are beautiful but this is especially true
of the bedroom and the dining room; both of which include handsome red-brick fireplaces for those cold
nights (all the better to warm your feet, paws and hooves). Also included are shining hard-wood floors
throughout the entire home.
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The lot contains a small collection of
apple trees and a rather large field which
currently contains watermelons and a
small barn which could surly be
converted for other uses if desired...
such as Draenie stable or Worgen
kennel.
On the shore of the lake, there is a very
cute and sturdy dock.
As wildlife goes, there doesn’t seem to
be anything particularly dangerous or
pesky living nearby…
Those who don’t appreciate animals of
the spider or turtle variety however…
should consider carefully before
purchasing.
As an added bonus, the whole
property comes pre-furnished and
equipped with everything you need
for its upkeep and your own
personal enjoyment.
Call Today
for a Tour!
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Real Estate For Sale: Featherbeard’s Hovel
All real estate listings by Eldamar
Featherbeard’s Hovel:
Location: The Hinterlands
COST: 80kg
This cozy, Dwarfen style home has been built into the side of a mountain for added security and peace of mind. It is small,
but at least you will never have to worry about being attacked from any direction but the front. It also comes with your very
own Old Cliff Jumper (just remember to feed him)!
The interior includes everything a man could ask for: explosives, alcohol, a bed, explosives, a large fireplace, alcohol, loads of
food, explosives, and all forms of conceivable weaponry (and explosives and alcohol)! But don’t worry ladies… this man-cave
isn’t far from civilization if you are unfortunate enough to get dragged here by your man; Aerie Peak is just up the road!
Also included is a spacious porch with plenty of space to store the things you kill when you go out hunting!
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Raid Healin’
A song parody of Tom Petty’s song
“Free Fallin’” by Irx
He's a good tank, holds his aggro
Puts shields up, and interrupts too.
He's a good tank, controlling the trash mobs
Has high stam, but mitigation too.
All the huntards, have pets on aggressive
Their traps miss. One just auto-shot the boss.
There's a lock pet aggroing new mobs
There's a stealthed rogue who refuses to sap.
It's a long raid. We're three hours in now.
We've had four wipes, but it's not my fault.
We got bad deeps with no raid awareness.
We got bad deeps and it's tearing us apart.
And I'm raid, I'm raid healin'
And I'm raid, I'm raid healin'
And I'm raid, I'm raid healin'
And I'm raid, I'm raid healin'
I wanna go back to good ol' Naxxramas
I wanna go back to beat the Lich King
I wanna go back to when peeps knew their class, yeah
But I'm stuck here, and we just wiped again...
And I'm raid, I'm raid healin'
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THE Joke
……………………………………………………………………..…………... by
Silverdoom
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead walk into a bar.
They all walk out.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
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I want to thank all the Slackers who contributed to the second issue of “Slacker World News.” I
had fun putting this little ‘magazine’ together, but hope many more people submit stuff in the
months to come. Thanks especially to all the contributers who sent in artwork, stories,
screenshots, ads and everything else.
Jezieneko – Akiradaisuke – Eldamar
Samuelb – Veina -- Silverdoom
Things without a name near them were created by me, just so you know who to blame. :P
In future months, because I’m meddlesome and am not giving up on this mag I’m going to ask
for volunteers for certain things I have in the works. I’d love more people to get involved.
“Slacker World News” June issue is in the works!
Please come to the guild website and click on “Magazine” in the top menu and read
about what I’m trying to do here, and submit stuff! Each monthly magazine has a
theme, which can be loosely used to submit anything!
June is dedicated to the wildlife of the whole WoW world. Animal stories, screenshots,
“scientific” papers about species, artwork or anything else animal related is welcome!
Other things will be accepted for submission as well. We’ll always have jokes, artwork,
stories, poems, parodies and whatever else the Slackers can come up with.
WowSlackers.com
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