The Pit - Imperial College Union

ISSUE 885
The Pit
March 2015
Editors Haiku:
Presidents Shout:
Dear Miners,
A whole lot has happened since my last shout and by gum it's
been exciting!
We describe this Pit
Bonza is the word we choose
Much fun is inside
Sam + Dom
We have had the Bottle Match which was a great success,
both in terms of sporting and organisational achievements. In
light of recent events with Imperial's Varsity, I would like to
emphasise how impressed I have been with all of you for
your responsible supporting, sportsmanship and solidarity
with the Bottle Match. It is truly a testament to your
behaviour that our student-run event trumped that of Sport
Imperial, showing once again that the RSM leads the way
both on and off the pitch. Keep up the good work!
Last week we held the Welfare "Treat Yo Self!" week which
Rachel organised in conjunction with RCSU. I hope everyone
enjoyed it as much as I did and will join me in giving special
thanks to her for organising such an innovative and fun
event!
In other news, we had the election of the RSMU Committee
for next year and the results were announced at our Spring
Dinner.This was made particularly exciting since the positions
were so hotly contested in the weeks leading up it. For me
the highlights of the dinner it's self was Sanjeev's dramatic
recreation of the life of a Mars rover and Andrew Horstfield's
thought-provoking talk on our senses. My congratulations go
to the new committee and to Sam Argyle, my successor and I
have every faith that they will uphold the values of the
RSMU, both at home and in the wider Imperial community.
You haven't quite got rid of me yet though! With fieldwork
and exam season looming, we will try to fit some more
excitement into your year before the Summer is over. Watch
this space!
All the best,
Ben
Alex Mytenka was commissioned to produce this poem
following a sale of £20 ish at the Pre-Bottle Match Bar
Night auction
Dr Lorraine Craig,
Room 1.32,
Floor 1,
Royal School of Mines,
Imperial College London,
To my dearest Lorraine,
I had wished to proclaim my adoration and devotion to you in a more traditional way, but like
the seasons my love for you grows and evolves to where I must express it by other means. Thus I humbly present to
you the ‘Ballad of Lorraine Craig’...
Lorraine: To me you are like no other,
Your soft voice never fails to sooth my heart
A heart that yearns, that craves, that throbs
When we are far apart.
Yet still to me your presence lingers:
You hear, you see, you touch,
Your essence always surrounding me
Guiding me,
Blanketing me from solemn thoughts.
I feel your breath upon my neck:
It tingles, it warms,
A sincere comforting breeze,
Cascading down me like a waterfall
Until I am complete.
You have always see me for who I am,
Never my faults, my wrongdoings
Always seeing the best in me,
When most of the time I don’t see it in myself,
You alone arte my conscious, my guardian angel:
Arms always outstretched,
My sword, my shield,
For you I would fight
I will never yield!
For my love is precious, my love is pure
My love will be there even when I am no more.
My love is like a semi-colon:
I don’t understand it
And I have never learnt how to express it,
But regardless I cherish it, I exclaim it:
From every roof, through every door
Projected until there is no more
Or when time finally claims me.
To me my sweet you alone make me whole:
My body, my mind
And yes: even my sole...
Thank you for your engagement through this ballad, and I am looking forward to your response... whatever that may
be (wink, wink).
Yours always
DLB Trip Keswick: A Graphic Novella
Friday night, Danger Jenga
Dom Rodgers made a
mess in and around a
bin
Beth Holman stood in
Dom’s mess
Ruth and Alice (Ralice)
ran the gauntlet … and
lost
The next day
Stuart looked
embarrassed on
a rock
Ben stood on a
wall and
thought about
wild haggis
crossing the
border to
England...
Harry fired
something at no
live animals
Emma let her banana
out .. #Jaundice
Harry did a
manly thing
with a big rock
Binman
Meacher’s Big
Black Bin Bag
Broke. Kept his lid
when all those
around him lost
theirs.
Binman Ben had a party
with people holding
chairs ‘n’ flares
Harry gurned hard. A
deflating balloon.
Pointy nipple fisher
Simon in his Little
Black Dress. Steve =
horror and lust
Katie gave everyone a
peak at her muscular
foot...
Sam rode meach
whilst meach grooved
some meachy mooves
Meacher went
to a Hen do
Pants Party
We all sat on a rock.
Some fella in 1890
put a ladder up it and
everyone loved it. LAD
Sophie enjoyed the morning after. Wore
a squirrel as a hat
Unfortunately no one took photos
of the fantastic geology we saw on
the trip. Everyone ignored the
luscious mineralisation and the
historic mine sites… oh well.
Stuart grasping firmly, re-enacted what could have happened the
evening before. But could not for the life of him remember if it was
just a dream (no photoshop, real 8 inch dil)
Lookalikes
YOUNG JOHN PRESCOTT
MATT TUDOR
OLD JACK MORGAN
CONCHITA WURST
Inter-year Football
The morning after Spring Dinner saw a group consisting of drunks, hockey players and imposters of football players descend on
Harlington, Reebox Classics and Sondicos in hand, to decide which year group gained the bragging rights of the RSM.
Despite many players falling before the first
whistle, the battle began. The Dom
Andrew led team of 3rd years drew first
blood with a 2-1 victory over a 2nd year
team depleted of Geophysicists. In the
coinciding game there was a stalemate
between The Freshers and the RSM elders
as both sides missed chances. The only real
highlight of the match was a silky nutmeg
from Stuart “McManaman” MacGowan on
one of the Andrews brothers.
The second set of games saw the first years
continue to struggle in front of goal.
Although they dominated possession
against the 3rds, solid defending and Heskey
-esque finishing from everyone involved the game left the match ending in another 0-0. The other game saw a Will Veness goal
of the tournament from 25 yards but this was still not enough to help the 2nds as they were hammered 5-1 by Pike and his
allegiance of followers.
This all led to a theatrical final round of matches that the Premier League could only dream of. 2 nds were dreadful, truly
dreadful, and were rightfully bottom. Freshers were third with 2 points and 4ths and 3 rds were joint top - meaning 3 teams
could take the inter-year crown.
All the focus was on the game between the 3rds and the 4ths: the winner basking in the glory. The 3 rd years thought they had
it in the bag until a late equaliser from a free kick saw 4th year’s tie it at 1-1. This meant that on goal difference the 4ths were
top and the 3rds were out of the running. By the look on Mirwin’s face, the disappointment showed it clearly wasn’t all about
the hockey…it was all about the football.
The result also meant that, The Freshers would win if they won by more than 4 goals.
The game was full of quality (well, sort of). A quality trademark swan dive from Vino, a quality open goal miss from Jo
Moosavinna and a quality over celebration from Dan Holloway which nearly left him in tears. Despite this, a hat trick from “RB”
Josh Kishto led the 1st years to a 6-2 victory.
In a dramatic turn of events, the 4th years and the Freshers were tied at the top. Tied for points, goal difference, goals scored
and goals conceded.
So, it went to penalties: The elderly vs the youth, the experience vs the raw talent, Pike vs Rodger, the Newcastle fan vs the
Sunderland fan. Who would win?
Harlington was full of nerves as the teams faced off. You could hear a pin drop. The first miss was from Ben Ganesh, as Dan
won the keeper v keeper battle and unfortunately for him, The Freshers kept scoring.
Then Captain Pike stood up, all 4th year hopes on him….
They were dashed in a heartbeat. His penalty missed. It went handsomely high and wide and went sailing into Heathrow
airport. His hero, Shola Ameobi, would’ve been proud.
Pike fell to his knees in oceans of tears as he knew the end was nigh…
This left Hassan, the man from Sudan, to step up to win it. With a cool, calm and collected
stroke of his right foot The Freshers were victorious and the celebration ensued.
Thanks to everyone for coming – you tried your best…
Love
The Very Unbiased Victorious Captain
Pike after his penalty miss
Bally vs 36 mojitos + Re:Bottle Match Simon Brau
It was Domi’s 22 birthday and it was her turn to become the big sweaty mess in the
relationship that is usually Meach.
Buy one get one free cocktails later resulted in Domi receiving a never ending wave
of drinks for her birthday.
The result was inevitable...
Meach the saviour helped his princess home. Is there a better scene to prove why
their relationship is so perfect?
BRAU
P.s.
Re: Bottle Match
Not sure entirely how to depict the scenes… Nick threw a bin through his front door for reasons not
understood. However one thing is sure, a broken door and a broken conscience won't stop Nick
Farmer getting to BM and body slammin' on the side lines.
Nick you’re a hero to all.
Emails received by the Society of Economic Geology
Student chapter
The Many Faces of Fresher Steve
Style is like
Chlamydia.
You've either
got it or you
haven't.
And I've got
it
Vogue Steve
Went too Hard Steve
3rd Degree
Gurns Steve
Steve Didn’t Choose the
Thug Life, The Thug Life
Chose him
Randy Steve
DLB Symposium 2015
The De La Beche Club’s flagship event, The Symposium,
returned once again in fine form. With Stallard and Butcher
taking reins, and the generous renewal of sponsorship by BP it
was sure to be a good one. Needless to say, the ladies didn’t
disappoint. Gupta, fresh from his Mars shenanigans, was
charismatic and erudite as ever, drawing us into the
mysterious world of submarine canyons.
Dr Lidia Lonergan kicked things off by lifting the lid on
‘passive’ margins which as it turns out aren’t so passive after
all. Her whistle stop tour of the relationship between faults
and deep-water sedimentary basins was so riveting, our own
President Mr McGowan had to stop his legendary note
making just to take it all in. Full of industry insights and cross
discipline leaps it was a hard act to follow, but Dr Talling had a
crack. Turbidity currents, and submarine landslides it turns
out, are the two largest processes of sediment transport, yet
have only been measured 6 times anywhere in the ocean.
After introducing with this startling fact, he proceeded to
explain to us how he justifies repeated holidays to
unbelievable locations in the name of ‘research’. Good on him
I say, seems to have more fun than those MatSoccers stuck in
the lab looking at new ways to make Clingfilm.
M&S refreshed us courtesy of Lorraine, and then we
were off again with the infamous Professor Bill
McCaffrey. A close friend of Sanjeev’s, they revelled
in sharing unrepeatable anecdotes (in good taste)
before Bill started his talk, boldly titled “Threading
the needle”. Serendipitous is how Bill described his
career, a professor by accident apparently, but the
intricacies of canyon channel transition left nobody
doubting his acumen. A few brave undergraduates
posed questions and to his credit he admitted there
was no answer. At this point Gupta, always the
inspiration chimed in challenging us to find them.
PhD anyone?
Another break for tea allowed the minds to settle. Then taking a turn away from the cold, harsh world of rocks
Khaira Ismail enlightened us with the role that habitats play in understanding what lies beneath the sea surface.
Finally Professor Jeff Peakall, another one of Sanjeev’s mates, stood up and labelled himself controversial, and
we’d have to agree. From extolling the silver lining to every plane crash and betting his house (literally) on his
theory of river sinuosity he gave arguably one of the most entertaining and challenging talks of the day. When the
floor was opened up to questions Dr Lonergan asked what I can only assume to be a particularly pertinent
question as an academic debate ensued that went straight over my head, but of which I am sure good old Henry
would have approved.
After the talking came the celebrating in true De La Beche style as commemorative tankards were awarded to our
illustrious speakers. We then retired to the Med Kitchen for a slap up dinner and a most memorable evening at
the Union. All in all a fantastic day which was a credit to our organisers, sponsor and the Club, the crowds will no
doubt return for more of the same next year.
Gabriel Westaway-Heaven & Esme Stallard
RSM men’s 1st XI vs RSM men’s 2nd VIII (or IC 2s)
The raw passion and talent of the RSM men’s hockey team has had the desired effect, fellow LUSL teams have begun to forfeit
their games, knowing any journey they make will be an unfruitful one. However, once they heard they’d have the opportunity
to play alongside Royal Miners, the IC 2s came running to Harlington looking for a friendly – although someone should have
mentioned the ‘friendly’ bit to Matt.
Having kindly donated 2 of our players (and Meach to the whistle) we began our defence of bragging rights. RSM started strong
with slick passing and a strong defensive midfield, allowing us to put on the pressure. After a few pushes, Kieron found the ball
at his feet. He faced an immensely tough decision – does he cause Ben Bell (their goalkeeper!) some serious bodily harm or
does he relish in yet another sweet goal (and the resulting Jägerbombs)…eventually the decision became just too much,
squaring the ball to MacGowan who disposes of it with ease.
Unfortunately, this goal got to our heads and we began to lose our structure. This lead to the conceding of 2 avoidable IC goals.
We got our game heads on. This was when the poor, misguided Stephen Pugh and his “defenders” began to buckle under our
pressure. Following a generous pass from the man on the post, I flicked the ball beyond anything IC could get in the way of it.
IC then put another past us to put the score at 3-2. You may be noticing that my memory of IC goals is vague, this is because
what was to follow would eclipse ANYTHING prior. With half time already called, we lined up for one last short corner, the ball
pinged around and eventually bounced in front of Frich. With one truly magical swing, he volleyed the ball sweet as a peach
into the roof of the net – a very serious contender (if not default winner) for goal of the season.
After halftime it was all to play for. As teams began to tire, RSM let the ball do the work with some excellent passing. From the
halfway, the ball was passed (like wisdom) through the generations, starting at McCormac, to MacGowan, to myself where the
ball was buried on the reverse to put the RSM ahead. From here we pushed a little, but began to initiate the bus parking.
Meach and Murray parked up and saw out the final minutes – another win over IC for the RSM.
Man of the Match – Ben Conway-Jones
Champagne moment – Rich Price’s wonder goal
Thanks for coming – Chris Thomas
Dick of the day – Ben Bell
The evolution of Steve Pugh’s face during Frich’s goal
Watching the goal
go in
Beginning to celebrate
with the mighty RSM
Having a quiet
moment of
contemplation
Realising he’d chosen
to play for the wrong
team