"Barbequed Bugs", A Merrie Melodies Story

(Insert Merrie Melodies Theme)
(Insert Fanfare & Title Theme from "Shishkabugs")
A long time ago, in merry old England, there was a spoiled king who had two
royal cooks named Ash and Misty.
The royal cooks had always cooked breakfast, lunch and dinner for the king, but
there was one problem: The king had never thanked Ash and Misty for the meals they
prepared. Ash didn't complain about it, but Misty did. One day, Ash & Misty were
bringing a shopping cart full of groceries. But today, Misty wasn't feeling a bit too happy
or calm.
"Another day, another duty to do for the royal king, huh Mist?" Ash said as he
and Misty were pushing the shopping cart into the entrance of the royal castle grounds.
"Don't push your luck, Ash." Misty said sternly. "I've had it up to here with the
king. I can't stand having to cook meals for him 3 times a day."
"Misty, you know we had to go for this job or else we'd sell our Pokemon." Ash
told her. "You know we're poor now."
"I don't care!" Misty said. "Every time we do something for the king, what thanks
do we get? None! He just keeps telling us: 'Cooks! Where's my breakfast, where's my
lunch, where's my dinner?!'"
"Misty, we can't just stand up to king." Ash said. "Last time someone did a thing
like that, they were banished."
"Well, you do have a point." Misty said, calming herself down. "But someday, I
ought to go talk to the king and give him what for."
"Maybe we might get lucky if he'll goes easier on us today." Ash said as he and
Misty pushed the cart up to the castle on top of the hill.
Inside of the castle...
The king was sitting in his throne impatiently waiting for his meals to come.
"COOKS!" The king shouted, sitting upon his royal throne. "Where's my
breakfast?!... Where's... my... lunch?!... WHERE'S... MY... DIAH?!?! COOKS?!"
Ash and Misty scurried into the throne room with the kings' breakfast, lunch and
dinner on a platter.
"Coming right up, your majesty!" Ash said as he and Misty ran up to the king.
"Coming right up!"
Once Ash and Misty got up to the king's throne. Ash presented the dishes on the
platter that Misty was holding.
"Here they are, your most royal honorable majesty." Ash said, bowing down to
the king. "3 meals fit for the king." Ash first revealed the dish on the left. "For breakfast,
we made a special oatmeal custard glazed with apples and cinnamon."
Then Ash lifted up the second dish in the middle. "For lunch, it's Cornish Hen ala
Westchester." And finally the third dish on the right. "And finally… for dinner, Prime
Rib of Mutton that we just garnished with Creadbuck Sauce Protalay."
But the king was displeased with the dishes as he grew more mad.
"Ooooh... take it all away!" The king spatted, kicking the tray out of Misty's
hands. "Every day it's the same thing: varieties! I want something else for a change...
something different!"
"We are so very sorry, your majesty." Ash apologized. "But we did everything
just like what the menu said. What else did you want?"
"I want a meal that's fit just for me... the king!" The king said, "And as your king,
what I want to eat for a change... is something no one, no cook, has ever attempted to
make... Bring me... Hasenpfeffer! Now get to work, right away!"
"Hasenpfeffer?!" Misty said in shock, then got mad at the king. "Why... you...
big...!"
Just as she was about to do something brutally vital, Ash stopped her and tried to
calm her down.
"Calm down, Misty, Calm down!" Ash said, then turning to the king. "Don't
worry, sire! We'll get to it right away!" He told him as he pushed Misty into the kitchen.
"One order of Hasenpfeffer coming right up!"
Then Ash took Misty into the kitchen.
"Misty! You gotta watch that temper of yours." Ash said. "Do you want us to get
banished like our friends did when they worked for the king?"
"But it's his fault!" Misty said. "Did the king forgive Brock when he accidentally
spilled hot tea on his lap when he tried to apologize?"
"No, but..." Ash said.
"That's my point! The king is unforgiving and rude!" Misty said.
"But if we can get the king's order right, he'll be kinder." Ash said. "We just have
to make whatever he wants us to make."
Misty just growled and huffed, "Fine... But to just to make sure if he's asking, I'll
check on what he wants again."
So Misty left the kitchen as Ash put his hear to the kitchen to hear what was going
on outside. But as she left, Ash began to wonder.
First Ash heard Misty said, "Forgive me for disturbing you, your most honorable
gracious majesty. But by any given chance… did you just say that you wanted...
Hasenpfeffer?"
"Yes!" Ash heard the king replied to her. "As I clearly stated... as I will pronounce
it to you... Hass-en-pfeffer."
"Just one more question, o great king..." Ash heard Misty said. "Can you please
tell me this... what exactly is Hasenpfeffer?"
"I don't know..." The king said in a calm tone. "Why don't you and the other cook
just..."
Just then, Ash heard a splattering sound.
"LOOK IT UP!" Ash heard the king shout.
Then Ash saw Misty entering the kitchen. She had oatmeal custard splattered on
her face and there was a bowl on her head.
"Uh... Mist?" Ash said.
"DON'T.... Say... a word!" Misty said.
Minutes later, after Misty had cleaned herself off, Ash and Misty were about to
look into a book entitled 'The BIG ABC BOOK of Recipes'. They figured they'd find
the recipe for Hasenpfeffer.
"Let's see..." Ash said. "Hasenpfeffer starts with 'H', so I'll look for recipes that
start with 'H'."
As Ash was looking through the pages, there a knock at the door.
Misty sighed stressfully, "I'll get it."
So Misty went up to the door and when she opened it, she saw a gray rabbit
standing outside the door. It was none other than Bugs Bunny.
"Whaddya want?!" Misty spatted.
"Good afternoon, miss." Bugs said, holding out a cup. "Let me introduce myself
as one of the woodland creatures residing in the royal forest, and being that there is such
a close relationship to the king, I assume it would not be too improper to borrow a cup of
diced carrots, huh?"
"O!!!" Misty yelled, slamming the door. "Stupid rabbit!"
"Uh... Misty? I don't think you should've done that." Ash said, walking up to her
with the book. ""
"And why not?!" Misty said, irritated.
"Well, for your information, I found the recipe for Hasenpfeffer." Ash said,
showing Misty the recipe page in the book. "And according to the translation,
'Hasenpfeffer' is German for 'Rabbit Stew.' And you just scared away our #1 ingredient:
One 4 Lb. Medium Sized Rabbit."
"Well, I- Wait a minute... did you say... a rabbit?" Misty said.
"Yep." Ash replied pointing out the door. "And there he goes."
Misty looked to see Bugs walking away from the castle.
"What am I doing?! We gotta get him back!" Misty said, then she and Ash ran
after Bugs.
"Wait, Mr. Rabbit!" Ash called out to Bugs. "Come back!"
"Yoo-hoo! Oh, Mr. Rabbit..." Misty said called out in a tone similar to a princess'
singing voice.
Bugs stopped and turned around.
"Eh..." Bugs said. "What's up, docs?"
"I'm sorry for yelling you like that, Mr. Bunny Rabbit." Misty said in a sad tone.
"I didn't know what I was thinking."
"Eh... It's ok." Bugs replied. "Most of us hate Mondays. It gets us super mad
sometimes."
"I know." Misty said as she and Ash started to walk with Bugs back to the castle
kitchen. "But as it turns out... we were expecting to you come. We've been told that his
royal majesty, the king, has invited you over for a special dinner tonight."
"The kings wants lil' ol' me over for dinner?" Bugs said, "Really and truly?"
"Yeah, we're gonna cook you for-" Ash said before Misty shoved his chef's hat in
his mouth.
"Why, of course, he does!" Misty said cheerfully. "Why, he would never forgive
us if we didn't had you over."
"I didn't know he was expecting me. Or even knew my name." Bugs said.
"Are you kidding?" Misty said. "Of course, he was! He even gave you a cool
nickname: Hasenpfeffer"
"Hm… Hasenpfeffer?" Bugs said, curiously. "Meh, that's a strange, yet, funny
name. But anyways, I don't think I can go. I'm not prepared."
"Aww… Well, don't worry about it." Misty told Bugs. "Me and Ashy Boy here
are gonna help you get all prepared. Right, Ash?"
"We are?" Ash said confused.
"Play along, Ash." Misty whispered to him. "This may be our chance to please the
king!"
"Oh." Ash said, then told Bugs, "Sure. We'll do our best."
"Well, since you two are a charming couple... Ok. I'll stay." Bugs said. "What do
we do foist?"
Ash and Misty took a look into the recipe book, then they looked at each other
with diabolical smiles.
"Well, first thing you need to is..." Misty said, taking out a stick of butter. "Rub
butter all over yourself."
"Eh, Sounds kinda odd, but sure. Anything for da king." Bugs said, taking the
butter and started rubbing it all over his body. "What else?"
"Well, you'll need to get yourself powered." Misty said, holding a bag of flour and
a powder puff. "But I'll do that for you."
So after Bugs rubbed himself with the butter, Misty powdered Bugs with lots of
flour.
"Hey, look at me! I'm a snow rabbit!" Bugs said. "Don't I wook cute?"
"Sure... you do..." Misty said, sarcastically. "Now if you can just follow me, we'll
get you all prepared."
So Bugs followed Misty.
"So... uh... exactly, what do I do now?" Bugs asked.
"Just step right up into this great big pot here." Ash said, standing next to a great
big pot.
"Gee, thanks doc." Bugs did what Ash said and went right into the big pot. "Now
what?"
"Leave the rest... to us." Misty said, winking at Ash.
"Yeah." Ash said.
Ash and Misty dashed off like foxes, and came back with vegetables, seasonings
and sauces.
"First... we'll need 3/4th's cup of vinegar." Ash said, putting in drops of cider
vinegar into the pot.
"Then we'll add 1 and a 1/2 cup of red wine." Misty said, pouring a cup of Dry red
wine into the pot.
"We'll also put in some mixed pickling spices." Ash said, putting in all sorts of
spices into the pot.
"And to make you look so sweet," Misty said, holding a bag of sugar. "We'll give
you 2 tablespoons of sugar."
Ash used a tablespoon and dumped 2 scoop-full's of sugar into the pot.
"Not to be sour, but we'll also need 2 cups of Sour Cream." Ash said, pouring 2
cups of sour cream into the pot.
"And now, we'll add the following vegetables." Misty said, getting out a box of
vegetables.
"First, we'll put in sliced carrots." Ash said, chopping carrots into the pot.
"Because rabbits love carrots."
"Then we'll add 4 sliced potatoes." Misty said, adding chopping potatoes into the
pot. "Not to mention add 4 whole potatoes in as well."
"Then we'll add 2 large onions, chopped and thinly sliced." Ash said, chopping
onions into the pot.
"We'll also add one sliced turnip into the mix." Misty said, slicing a turnip into the
pot.
"And finally 2 stalks of celery." Ash said, dropping two stalks of celery into the
pot.
"But we're not done yet." Misty said, taking out the salt and pepper. "You need to
be salted and peppered and bathed in Worchester Sauce. Is that ok?"
"Eh... sure." Bugs said. "Go right ahead."
So Ash and Misty began to add salt, pepper and Worchester Sauce right into the
pot.
"And finally, the king wishes to give you this: A bay leaf for good tast- Er, I
mean, good luck." Ash said, giving Bugs a bay leaf."
"Thanks, kid." Bugs said taking the bay leaf and putting it on his chest like a
badge.
"Now me and Ash need to go check on something." Misty said, "but we won't be
long."
"Eh, no worries." Bugs said. "Take all the time you need."
"Thanks." Ash said, as he and Misty walked away.
Then Bugs began to think about the kindness he's been given.
"*to audience* Ya know," Bugs said. "I sure am glad to be a rabbit. We're so
lucky to be treated by kids. But ya know... I can't help but wonder why would the king
call me 'Hasenpfeffer'?"
Bugs took a good look around and spotted the cookbook next to him. He look
closely at the page that said 'Hasenpfeffer'. Below the recipe name said, "<(German for
'Rabbit Stew')".
"Well, whaddya know?" Bugs said. "Hasenpfeffer is really a Goy-man name for a
stew for a rabbit. I sure hate to be the rabbit who's being in this pot, just....... like............ I
am?"
Bugs then gulped bigly. As it turns out, HE was the rabbit. And he wasn't going
over for dinner for the king, he was going AS dinner for the king. He looked over at Ash
and Misty, who were both standing by an oven.
"Do you know how long we're supposed to cook that rabbit?" Misty asked.
"Last thing I remembered." Ash said, "It said to cook him for 1 and a 1/2 hours in
the oven at 350 degrees."
"350 degrees for one 1 and a half hours?!" Bugs said, then shaking his head. "Too
hot and long for me!"
Then he jumped right out from inside the pot and landed on his two feet, next to
Ash and Misty.
"I just remembered a thing I had to do for someone important. Please give all
regrets to the king, his majesty and all that sort of jazz." Bugs said as he attempted to
walk out toward the door quickly.
But the exit was blocked by Ash and Misty who had meat cleave axes in their
hands.
"Oh, no you don't, rabbit!" Misty said. "You're staying! We insist!"
Bugs turned around and walked back to the pot.
"Ok, ok, if it's that important." Bugs said, getting back into the pot.
Meanwhile, in the throne room, the king is starting to get impatient and whine that
Ash and Misty are taking too long to make the hasenpfeffer.
"Cooks? COOKS!" The king shouted. "Where's my Hasenpfeffer?!"
Ash and Misty heard the king as they quickly slammed the lid on the pot and
carried it with Bugs inside to a cart.
"Comin' right up, royal highness!" Misty called out as she and Ash pushed the
trolley into the throne room and towards the king.
"Enjoy." Ash said as he and Misty bowed before the king.
Just as the king lifts the pot lid, Bugs springs up and gives the king a great, big
kiss.
After spitting out Bugs' cooties, the king looks at Ash and Misty with a sour look
on his face.
"You boneheads." The king said, walking up towards Ash and Misty. "That
hasenpfeffer is rawr! Take it back and cook it!"
"Don't worry, your highness." Ash said as he and Misty pushed the cart with the
pot back into the kitchen. "We'll prepare it right this time."
"You'd bettah be!" The king said. "Because you two just have one more chance to
get this right! And if anything else should happen, I'll see to it that you two will be
punished!"
Back in the kitchen, Ash and Misty put the pot into the table.
"That king is really getting on my nerves!" Misty said. "I'm not so sure if I can
hold it in any longer!"
"Don't worry, Mist." Ash said. "We just have to cook this rabbit and then he'll be
pleased."
Bugs lifted the pot.
"Eh..." Bugs said. "Did anyone tell you two dat you both look like a charming as a
couple?"
Ash and Misty were not amused with Bugs' comment.
"YOU MUST BE CRAZY!!!!" Ash and Misty said, slamming the down on
Bugs!
Then they carried the pot with Bugs inside to the oven and shoved him in.
"Now stay in there and don't come out until you're fully cooked!" Misty said as
she and Ash closed the oven door.
Ash and Misty got out a hourglass. But it wasn't an ordinary hourglass. It was
hourglass used for cooking certain meats like: Pork, Fish, Beef, Fowl, Poultry and
Hasenpfeffer. And since Hasenpfeffer was at the top, They decided to watch the
hourglass until the sand reaches the top of the bottom glass.
"This should take alot of time for him to cook." Ash said.
"And when he's done, he'll be ready for the king to eat!" Misty said.
As they watched the clock, they didn't notice that Bugs was escaping from the
oven.
"Whew! It's hot in 'ere." Bugs said as he walked away.
As Bugs walked away, Ash and Misty saw that sand from the top hourglass had
finally filled up the bottom glass all the way up to 'Hasenpfeffer'.
"Ah-ha! It's done!" Misty said. "Ash, get him out of the oven and onto the cart!"
And just as Ash done what Misty told him, they heard the king yell out to them.
"Cooks?! COOKS?!?!" So they pushed the cart with the pot on out of the kitchen and
into the throne room.
"Your... hasenpfeffer," Ash said, as he bowed down. "Your majesty."
"This better be right." The king said, "Another king told me this would be the part
where a pie would be splattered upon him. This better not happen to me."
"He'd better like what we done for him." Misty told Ash quietly. "If something
else goes wrong, I'm really gonna lose it!"
But little did Ash and Misty know that from inside the pot, Bugs had done a lil'
tinkering. He rigged the lid of the pot to a detonator lever. If the pot lid should ever be
lifted, the switch would be pulled, triggering a small but powerful bomb that Bugs had
put in his place. The bomb was composed of a small barrel of TNT and 2 sticks of
dynamite.
"Well, here goes..." The king said, licking his chops and carefully lifting the lid
up slowly.
Outside of the castle, Bugs was walking away and heading towards the forest.
"I wonder if the king's stubborn enough to lift up that to the pot." Bugs said as he
looked back to the castle.
Within a second,
*KA-BOOM!*
Bugs saw the castle blew up. Back inside of the castle, the throne room was
covered in soot and ash. Misty shook the soot and ash off of her as she started to build up
quite a temper as her face became red as a beet. Ash shook the soot off just before he saw
Misty building up a temper.
"Uh... oh..." Ash said as he covered his head with his chef's hat.
Misty started to growl and then spoke out loud, "THAT'S IT!!!!!! I can't stand it
anymore!" She stomped up towards the king's throne and looked directly at the king.
"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU SELFISH, BIG BOED, LARDY LUMP OF
A KIG! WE MAKE ALL SORTS OF DISHES FOR YOU AD YOU EVER
GIVE US AY THAKS! YOU ARE A LAZY, SELFISH PIG WHO BAS
PEOPLE FOR ACCIDETS THAT THEY DID'T MEA TO DO! I DO'T
CARE IF YOU BAISH ME FROM THE KIGDOM! I QUIT!" She then slammed
the pot of Hasenpfeffer marinade into the king's face.
She then walked up to Ash.
"And you're quitting, too!" Misty said to him, taking off his chef's hat and apron.
"Can I ask you something?" Ash said calmly.
"What?" Misty said sternly.
"Are you feeling better about yourself now?" Ash asked her.
"Yes." Misty said. "I finally gave the king what for. Maybe now he'll consider
being more nicer to people for now on."
"Good." Ash replied, then pointed over at the king's throne. "'Cause look you
done."
Misty looked over at the king. The king was even more angrier than Misty was
when she spatted at him.
"No one, I mean, O OE dares to stand up to the royal king..." The king said
lowly before shouting out loud,
"GUARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
A bunch of clumsy guards rushes in the throne, some of them tripping over or
bumped into each other. But they managed to get to the kings throne. They knew what
look he had on his face, he had the 'take the traitors to the royal dungeon until further
notice' look on his face. As the guards surrounded Ash and Misty, Ash looked over at the
king with a worried look on his face.
"Does this mean you're going to banish us and fire us as cooks?" Ash asked.
"Quite the contrary, my boy..." The king said sternly. "I won't have you banished
or executed... but what I plan for you and your girlfriend will be worse... MUCH...
WORSE."
And so, the guards arrested both Ash and Misty as they led them away, as they
marched Ash looked at Misty with an upset look.
"Are you happy now, Misty?" Ash said. "We're going to get something worse
than banishment or death. What do you have to say yourself?"
Misty just ignored what Ash said to her as she grumbled. "Stupid king and his
kingdom bossing everyone round a bully..."
Soon , the king had put up an ad for a new royal cook: 'Royal Castle Kitchen:
COOKS OR COOK WATED'.
Later that evening, the new royal chef was bringing a tureen from the kitchen.
And who do you think replaced Ash and Misty as the royal chef?
"Your dinner, your royal highness." Bugs Bunny, the new royal chef, said
bringing the king a tureen. "Cooked to poy-fection."
The king removed the lid and inside the pot, was a big, steaming carrot. But the
king didn't mind as he picked up the carrot and began eating it.
"You know, if I didn't know any bettah..." The king said, "I'd say you've made me
a carrot for dinnah."
"Eh… you can say that." Bugs said. "But you know, your highness, may I humbly
ask you a question if you don't mind?"
"You have my permission to ask, young royal cook." The king said, calmly.
"Eh... although they're no longer woikin' for you..." Bugs said, "what ever did you
do with the couple formally known as Ash and Misty?"
"Oh, I wouldn't worry about them." The king said, "They'll always be cooks,
cooking for others. I just happen to give them another chance at a new place."
As the king ate his meal, happily ever after, we can only wonder what did became
of Ash & Misty? As it turns out, Ash and Misty are now prisoner chefs down in the
cafeteria of the royal dungeons. Serving prisons lots and lots of daily slops.
"Well, we might not be working for the king anymore," Ash said. "But at least we
got a better job."
"Ash, right now I can't stand being a cook anymore!" Misty said. "I could've taken
banishment any day!"
"Well, docs..." Said a voice from outside the jailed window. "There's a lesson to
learned from all this..."
Ash and Misty looked over at the window to see Bugs.
"If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen." Bugs said in a with a British
Cockney accent and then punned, "And if ya can't stand the king, get out of the castle and
kingdom."
And with that, Bugs walked away.
"Well," Ash said, "guess he got us that time. Huh, Mist?"
Knowing that she had been tricked, Misty just growled an low angrily, but lowly
and said, "*to audience* I... hate... that... rabbit!"
(Insert Merrie Melodies Ending Theme)