barefacts1093 - University of Surrey Students` Union
Transcription
barefacts1093 - University of Surrey Students` Union
Monday 31 October 2005 Published by the USSU Communications Office. Issue number 1093 It’s Free (So Pick It Up!) The University of Surrey Students’ Newspaper Comment Galore! This week we have not one, not two, but three comment articles for you to peruse! Gay adoption and Christmas - what a treat!. | Pages 4-5 Literature: It seems we have sparks of creativity at this (supposed) science university. Better than Shakespeare? The next Blake perhaps? | Page 23 Konsumer Revolt | Cheese Gromit? | Page 7 Arts Section |Film, Music, etc. |Page 14 Puzzles| The Lyrics Quiz is here to stay | Page 22 Student Bursaries “Unfair” By Joshua Bates Student bursaries were criticised as being too complicated to understand last week as Members of the Commons Education Committee expressed concerns regarding the new system to soften the impact of top-up fees for potential students and their families. The President of Universities UK (UUK), Professor Drummond Bone, admitted to MPs the new system was “not equitable”. Disadvantaged students were said to get a good financial package for a place at universities such as Oxford, however, at other institutions that admitted a greater number of those from deprived backgrounds this was found not to be the case. Prof Bone (Vice-Chancellor of Liverpool University) and Baroness Diana Warwick (the Chief Executive of UUK) were questioned as to the fairness of such proposals. Whilst other members of the committee enquired about the possible adoption of a national bursary scheme, as already agreed in Wales, it was said that whilst it “might be worth looking at” it was “not on the menu at the moment” despite criticism that the focus of bursaries on a number of wealthier institutions was a “pipe-dream”. One of the government’s major goals, Prof Bones said, was to widen admissions to traditional institutions for those from deprived backgrounds, and large financial incentives would help this. Yet he conceded that it was “certainly not equitable”. A third of income from next year’s top-up fees will be spent the modernisation of pay for university staff with another third for teaching infrastructure, Prof Bones added. The final third of the money has already been allocated to go straight back into bursaries itself in advance of the fees actually appearing. Meanwhile, UUK has welcomed the announcement of an enhanced package of part-time student support measures from Higher Education Minister Bill Rammell. Prof Bone commented; “Universities UK supports any move towards increased support for part-time students and better funding for institutions that provide part-time study”. An increase from the current level of £1180 to approximately £1500 (per Full Time Equivalent) will be seen as a result of an increase in the level of the fee grant for part-time undergraduate students. “Universities UK remains of the opinion that part-time provision is underfunded and that part-time students deserve a package of support which is equivalent to that received by full-time students.” Professor Drummond Bone, President of Universities UK (UUK) South-East Students Unite Against Fascism By Sophia Hawkins On the 5th November the BNP are holding a demonstration named, ‘arrest racist child rapists,’ in Keighley, Bradford. According to Reading University Students’ Union, the BNP are encouraging the message that Asian men are the sole perpetrators of paedophilia. In a response to this racist demo, Unite against Fascists are calling all people and organisations from within the southeast to hold a peaceful counter-demonstration to support the Asian nation and to oppose race hate. This demonstration will also be held on the 5th November in Keighley, and has been backed by The National Union of Students (NUS) and Student Assembly Against Racism (SAAR). They are asking that all students help fight against these fascists by attending and participating in the UAF demo. The police are currently doing everything they can to try and stop the BNP demo but it appears that it is still very likely to go ahead. Chris Ward, USSU Ethics and Equal Opportunities Officer said of the demo, “The policies of the BNP are detestable. No matter what ‘peaceful’ rally they hide behind, students are aware of the sickeningly intolerant ideals that they stand for. We must celebrate cultural, racial, and sexual diversity; and not allow those who are opposed to freedom and equality to get in the way of that. The rally in Keighley does not directly affect students at Surrey, but I promise the student population at UniS that I will do my utmost to help ensure they are not subjected to the poisonous views of fascists.” “The university has a vast diverse community, and even though the demo is being held quite far away from Surrey, it is important that the students here are aware of events like this so they themselves have the opportunity to counter demonstrations that discriminate against people for what they are, as opposed to what they do.” The NUS Anti-Racism Conference takes place on Wednesday 30 November 2005. Those who are interested in attending should contact Chris Ward at USSU on [email protected]. Champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends... NEWS 2 31 October 2005 News, news, glorious news... Editorial Team All these addresses are @surrey.ac.uk (unless otherwise mentioned). Funny that. Editor-in-Chief Neil Boulton: ussu.comms@ Editor Chris Ward: cs21cw@ Deputy Editor Joshua Bates: cs52jb@ Deputy Editor Sophia Hawkins: li52sh@ Meningitis Claims Another Life By Marcin Stylski A student at Liverpool University was found dead in his campus room on Saturday. Meningitis is believed to have been the cause. A post mortem was due to take place as Barefacts went to press. The 19-year-old has not yet been named. A spokesperson for Liverpool University said “The University is extremely saddened by this news. Our student welfare department will be contacting the family and we shall do all we can to support them”. The risk of infection to other students is considered low, but antibiotics were being issued to other students as a precaution. A spokesperson for the Health Protection Agency said “Meningococcal disease does not spread easily from person to person, and the risk to anyone else in the student population from this case would be very low indeed. None the less, we are treating close personal contacts of the student with antibiotics as a precautionary measure”. The most common symptoms of Meningitis are: severe headache, stiff neck, dislike of bright lights, fever/vomiting, drowsy/ less responsive/vacant and a rash develops anywhere on the body. These symptoms can appear in any order and not everyone necessarily gets all the symptoms. UK Universities in Cash Crisis Overseas students “to triple” Head of Design Rachel Hana Cresswell By Marcin Stylski By Matthew Gardiner News Editor The forecasted growth in the number of overseas (non-EU) students applying to UK Universities has not materialised, according to figures just released by the university admissions service “UCAS”. Universities had anticipated a rise in overseas students by around 20% over a three year period, which included a rise in fees of around 44%. The actual figure released shows only a rise of 0.9% over the last year. As a consequence, many Universities who were (quite literally) banking on a rise in overseas students (and their hefty fees) find themselves in a serious cash crisis. Not all Universities will be affected, but many (including Surrey) will be. Some institutions, such as Surrey may be forced to cut jobs, and/or postpone some expansion projects. Mr Drummond Bone, the president of Universities UK (the ViceChancellors’ trade union), said many universities would be “seriously hit”. “If this trend continues over the next few years it will be very difficult for the sector”. “It could mean serious cutbacks in capital investment and in staff numbers.” The Labour government’s decision to increase visa charges and scrap the visa appeals process has given many overseas students the feeling that they are no longer welcome. A spokesperson for the Department of Education and Skills said it was working with Higher Education institutions and the British Council to build up “a renewed strategy to encourage more students from outside of the EU to study here”. The number of overseas students wanting to attend UK universities could triple to more than 870,000 by 2020, a government report predicts. The main source of this demand is from Chna. The British Council said this should be worth around £13bn a year to the economy, but warned of competition from abroad from other English speaking countries such as the US, Australia and Singapore. The number of students looking for courses in English-speaking countries is predicted to expand from one million in 2003 to 2.6 million by 2020. In response Universities in the Netherlands, Germany and even France are now offering programmes in English. At Surrey we are fortunate that the university is in a relatively strong financial position compared to other UK universities (though it is worth looking at Unis briefing 20 which shows the picture is not all rosy), so it can effectively compete for these students, not because of our fees or money from the government but because of its many business ventures and other activities. However, the majority of other UK universities are grossly under funded and need significant investment if they are to affectively compete to avoid a loss in market share, of foreign students, to some truly stunning foreign campuses who are getting in on the act of teaching in English. Marcin Stylski: li12ms@ Features Editor Lia Parker: ps41lp@ Arts Editor Beth Heale: [email protected] Arts Editor Nicole Heel [email protected] Fashion Editor Natalie Dowle: ms42nd@ Fashion Editor Jamila Gangadeen Webmaster & Puzzlelord Colin Everett: ma41ce@ Postgraduate Editor Lisa Ahmed Adverts & the like Aaron Salins: a.salins@ Retractions [email protected] [email protected] / Errors Last week in our cover ‘Earthquake Appeals Needs You’ article we printed that the UN are going to donate $272 dollars. They’re not tight-fisted, it was meant to be $272 Million... Wa n t e d : b a r e f a c t s P G E d i t o r barefacts and the PGA are looking for a postgraduate student editor to help coordinate the postgraduate-related articles in barefacts™. If you are interested or have more questions about the role, please contact the current editor Lisa Ahmed at Sucheta. [email protected]. barefacts is an editorially independant newspaper and is published by The University of Surrey Students’ Union Communications Office. The views expressed within the paper are those of the individual authors and do not necessarily represent the views of the Editor, the University of Surrey Students’ Union or the University of Surrey. barefacts reserves the right to edit submissions [email protected] www.ussu.co.uk Copyright USSU Communications Office 2005 Contributions must be submitted by the Monday before publication date to guarantee publication. Letters may be edited at the discretion of the editorial team. Please send them to [email protected]. You can take the time to write and post in if you want... but most people e-mail. barefacts Union House University of Surrey Students’ Union Guildford Surrey GU2 7XH NEWS / LETTERS 31 October 2005 Letters to barefacts 3 Pen is mightier than the sword and all that. Letters must be received by 5pm on the Monday before publication to guarantee their presence in the next newspaper. They may be edited for length or clarity | [email protected] Trolleys 4 Justice Dear barefacts, We would like to voice our concern at the lack of trolleys afforded to us, by the multimillion pound supermarket that is Tesco. Several of our members have severely damaged their arms and shoulders lifting excessive shopping bag loads from Tesco to campus. Many have been harassed by Tesco staff for simply trying to borrow a trolley, even though they would return it. We find this unacceptable, especially when you think how much business we bring them. There are already trolley pick up points and we do not see why these can_t be used, to ease the struggle students are facing. In short we want to see a solution to the problem of not being able to take trolleys from Tesco. Yours faithfully Trolleys for justice. Sense of community vital Dear barefacts, I’m writing in relation to the front page report on UniS being at the bottom of the pile in the student survey questioning the time enjoyed at university. I was just wondering why that is? I speak from experience as my time at school has so far been more enjoyable than university although I can’t imagine why. Might there be any solutions that will boost the enjoyability of a students university life? Well I have thought of one! Everyone I know who has gone to Oxbridge, Durham and the older universities has come away with ‘an experience of a lifetime’. Part of this I believe is the sense of community surrounding that experience which just isn’t present here. That is to say at Oxford and indeed newer universities like Loughbrough, you are put into a college/hall when you start (just like you are put into halls when you start here) however at these universities the hall or college you are in becomes like your family and where you may not live there after your first year, you are still part of that community for your whole university life. You become proud of being in Jesus college! Why then am I not proud of being a University Court boy? Well, the university puts no events on to encourage this sense of community! I suggest a rugby tournament and other sporting competitions between all the halls, the creation of better halls common rooms with their own bar, just as can be seen at Reading or Aberyswyth, this way you get to know your hall mates and the community is built, we don’t even see a college/hall photo being taken at UniS! Sport is a key thing, it creates competition and ones allegiance to their hall can only be built in this environment. At school we were divided into houses, and the house had a house captain, we had our own house meetings, we played sports together we were in forms together, when I left school the house were my family, they’ll be the ones at my wedding! Why not start something new at UniS the creation of the college?! Proud Uni Court Undergrad, Mike Wilmot (2nd year, som) Flo responds: Dear Mark, Thanks for the letter. I think your suggestion is an excellent one. The courts of residence are key to student integration at Surrey. Some university bods may argue that its just a space for you to live but it can be so much more than that. Oxbridge, Durham and the older universities had their colleges (in our case courts of residence) named many years ago but the fact remains someone come up with the names and made efforts to brand them with a coat of arms. 2005 is not too late for the University of Surrey to make history. We can get a coat of arms for each court and create various court competitions and events. The commuting students can be assigned a court and be a member of that court even though they do not live there. This identity will stay with you throughout your time at university. I have a dream…of a University of Surrey where all students feel proud to wear their ‘University of Surrey’ hoodies, where students wear T shirts and hats with the university emblem on them (oops… the university has no emblem, just a coat of arms), a University of Surrey with high student satisfaction. Mark, I’ll forward your suggestion to the relevant person at the university and see what they come up with. Flo, President Sleeping at a train station Dear barefacts, It was all going so well. Lectures over on a Thursday and the seminar just ended. In to Channies for a pre-lunch tipple and then off home to get ready for the big adventure. As well as being a fresher, I am also the football secretary for Lymington & New Milton FC (yes, I know they’re based in the lower reaches of Hampshire and I live 70 miles from them but they play in a reasonably high standard of non-league football). Thursday night was to be a ‘lads night out’ for the team and the management and, as sort of chief administrator, some of management team thought I should go along....not one to turn down a free evening out, even if it was over 70 miles from home, I got ready and set off on the train from Farnborough to New Milton. The evening was a success in team ‘bonding’. We upset the staff at the local Chinese restaurant (but they were good sports and took it all in good humour, bless them) and we apologised to the other diners, when one of our lot decided to rehearse for the Chippendales....lovely underclothes according to some of the lady diners, I just thought the sartorial elegance was a bit sad! Needless to say, like most sensible students when presented with free drinks I had one sherbet too many. I get given a lift to Fareham station - my trains don’t run from there. The station’s closed. Someone from the team phones me.....this is, by the way, about 11pm. I had left some important paperwork behind. He would drive from Southampton to Fareham to pass it on and take me back to Southampton, so that I could get a train home. Now about 11.30pm and we arrive at Southampton Parkway. I instinctively get on the first train. We get into eastleigh - fine, I know my trains go through that station. However, when we’ve been going a few minutes, in my somewhat blurred attention, I don’t recognise where we are. The guard marches down the train. “Where we going mate” is my friendly rejoinder. He screams....Romsey “mate” ...back at me. Oh **** I say. I want to get back to Farnborough, Oh dear, he smiles back and with that gives me a print out of the next train from Romsey to Eastleigh, from where I can get back home. I get out at Romsey and the trains tootles off to the depot. No-one at the station - empty, deserted, cold, rainy, middle of nowhere....and it’s midnight...........and the next train is.....6AM!!! So, I spent around 5 hours on a lovely station in the middle of the Hampshire countryside waiting for my wife who, by 4am, had realised I wasn’t in. I had at least sent out numbers of text messages for help... from my footie colleagues and my wife. The footie boys thought it funny, were all drunk anyway, sent me an interestingly worded text message and went back to bed...and left me at the station. My wife, bless her, got in the car, drove all the way to Romsey at 5am, picked me up and we got home at 6am. Will I ever be let out again on my own. Oh, I doubt it! Come Friday, I start getting the phone calls. Did you really sleep on Romsey station? Why did you go to Fareham? and P**s Head, were some of the comments. Will I live it down. No, I doubt it. We have a match Saturday and I’m sure that I’m going to get, to coin a phrase, ‘slaughtered’. Can’t imagine what the Club Chairman and Committee will think. I’ve only had the secretary’s job for about 6 weeks. I think they’re beginning to understand that I am quite different from my predecessors!!!! Fighting Discrimination Dear barefacts, Firstly, I’d like to thank all those who voted for me around a month ago in the part-time executive elections. I’m honoured to have been elected as Ethics & Equal Opportunities Officer, and I will do my utmost over the next year to ensure that the points in my manifesto are implemented. My job over the next year is to put my principles into practise at UniS, paying particular attention to placement students and off-campus incidents. The amount of people who have told me they have been subject to discrimination whilst on placement is horrifying, because none of those who I spoke to had actually reported the incidents, and one had quit his placement as a result. This is unacceptable, and I’ll be working with Natcha Thomas (Placement & Employed Students Officer) to ensure we provide the same service to our placement students as we do to those who are on campus. If you witness any violation of equal opportunities whilst at UniS, please report it, even if you have to do so under an anonymous guise. Any information given to me will be treated confidentially. Please be the eyes and ears of equality both off campus and on, and make sure you help stamp out discrimination at UniS. Chris Ward Ethics & Equal Opportunities Officer USSU COMMENT 4 31 October 2005 Gay Adoption: A Dream Come True? As the gay community continues the fight for equality, Sam Gurney gives us an update on the past, present, and future of the continuing efforts to allow gay couples to adopt. On November 21st 1999 George Bush stated for the press that he does not support gay adoption as he believes that as a society we should aim for the ideal situation in which only a man and a woman can adopt a child. This statement from the current President of the United States of America has been able to enforce the fact that societal views are still obstructing gay people’s rights to have a family. These views are critical in promoting prejudice which result in gay hate crimes. Despite this view expressed by the president 22 states in the US allow single gay men and women to adopt a child and 21 of these states allow gay and lesbians to adopt and then petition for a second parent adoption. However in the UK homosexual and unmarried couples have in the past been denied the chance to adopt. However in November 6th 2002, the House of Lords voted to extend the pool of parents for adoption to include lesbian, homosexual and unmarried heterosexual couples. But the question is why the fight for gay couples to adopt has been such a battle in this country when the USA has embraced adoption by all couples despite their sexual orientation. Many groups have expressed their fear of adoption by gay and lesbian people for a number of reasons. This campaign went as far as to produce anti-gay adoption cards which stated if the person holding them should die they do not want their children to be adopted by homosexuals. This was described as a cheap gimmick and angered the gay community. However, such petty actions have been over shadowed by the MP’s statement that gay adoption is vital for the chance for more children to grow up in a stable family environment. This has been a giant revelation for the gay community and has answered the prayers of same sex couples that wish to bless their lives with a child. I feel that the battle has been won but the war is still being fought, the war of changing the stigma surrounding gay parenting. Many people still believe the old myths surrounding adoption by same sex couples, one of which being that children raised by gay couples will turn out gay. Studies have shown that children of lesbian and gay parents are no more likely than any other child to grow up to be gay. In fact the environment in which a child of a same sex couple is raised can be more diverse and teach important morals about love and tolerance of other people. Many sources have stated that denying gay adoption does nothing but deprive children who are in desperate need of a warm and loving environment. Has the issue of gay adoption become so political that the needs of the children have become second priority? If there is evidence to suggest that gay parents produce no more problems than heterosexual parents then why has the battle for equal adoption rights been so difficult and taken as long as it has? One viable answer is that it is the society’s view of homosexuals and their relationships that is the real problem. Allowing gay adoption would oppose all societies’ misguided notions of an ideal society. The question now is will society ever truly accept and recognise gay and lesbian parents as being equal to heterosexual ones? If the answer at this point in time is no then what steps would have to be taken to ensure this ideal becomes a reality? I feel that the only way we can continue this battle is to continue to show society that we are capable of caring for a child no matter who we sleep with and that we will always put a child’s needs before our own, which any good parent will always do. Then hope that our children will grow up strong in character with morals of equality and tolerance that will shape the following generations and aid us in winning the war of equal rights. [email protected] T’is NOT the season to be jolly Has anybody ever wondered why Christmas cards are in the shops in September? Sophia Hawkins has not only wondered, but she’s pissed off about it, and has gathered her thoughts so you can all share in the merry frustration. How kind of her. Dear Santa, It took the biscuit when I walked into work on an early Saturday morning and saw a manager wearing……….. A CHRISTMAS HAT!!! A bright red, furry Santa hat- I was surprised it didn’t have red flashing lights and sang, ‘We wish you a merry Christmas!’ On a previous occasion, I’d been walking through town when I’d seen a shop decked out with trees, baubles and all things glittery. Now don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas, in fact I’m often told I’m the Christmassiest person that people know. But, I guess, its precisely for this reason that I don’t like the fact that Christmas seems to be coming earlier every year; it seems we’re just settling back into the routine of life after our blissful summer holidays when Christmas stuff hits the shelves. In my opinion, this takes the magic out of Christmas and indeed means that other festivities such as Halloween and Fireworks Night are overshadowed. To me the best part of Christmas is the build up- and the first day of the advent is where it really begins. I love to make crackers for the table with little novelties inside and paper chains from crinkly tissue paper and coloured card. The day when the tree comes down from the attic is the day the magic really starts to hit me- I love to decorate the tree and each year I do a themed tree with my family. Every year our decoration collection gets a little bigger and better. I love walking round the shops when its freezing and I’m wearing all my woollies, and all the shops are lit up in all their glory. I love it when people knock on my door and start to sing Christmas carols. I love wrapping the prezzies I’ve bought and curling ribbons to decorate them. I love the smell of freshly baked mince pies and Yule log. I love seeing all the houses decorated like a trussed up Christmas tree and the gardens that are donned with a, ‘Santa stop here!’ sign. I love seeing the excitement on little children’s faces in wonder at the pure brilliance of it all. I love everything about Christmas- even down to the naff little nativity play they put on at the local school. However in my opinion by shops selling cards and cakes and the suchlike in the middle of September ruins it a little bit and somehow takes the magic away. And indeed the very meaning of Christmas- or indeed what it means to me. For the believers it’s a time to celebrate the birth of Jesus, but for me its much more than that- it’s a time when the whole family can get together and enjoy each others company, get merry and have a good time. It’s a day to forget about the worries of everyday life and to have a truly wonderful daydespite the things that may happen. Its very rare nowadays that we get the time to sit and appreciate what we have in life but Christmas day allows us to do this. So please, shops and individuals, let us have Halloween and fireworks first and then let the Christmas sparkle really begin- by prolonging it and bringing Christmas earlier every year you are making Christmas into a stressful event and making it seem more of a chore. And really how can having fun with your family and being a bit silly and merry be a chore? Love, Sophia Hawkins. 31 October 2005 COMMENT / FEATURES Paving The Way for Equality? 5 Has the creative media helped change society’s perception on minority groups for the better? Chris Ward investigates. It was only a few years ago that the movies and comedy shows were cashing in on the digs they could make against certain minority groups. Some may remember the scene from Naked Gun 33 1/3 when Lt. Frank Drebin threw up into a tuba after realising the lady he had been getting it on with wasn’t exactly a lady. The media portrayed a clear social rejection of that sort of thing. These days, things are slightly different. Whilst the trans and gay communities are still prone to a few jokes at their expense, it seems the context has very much changed, and for the better. Take Little Britain’s Daffyd Thomas for example. A symbol of the generation of gay men who were brought up to expect discrimination for their sexuality. Whilst Daffyd will remain a caricature of the type of gay man that will simply refuse to blend in as a “normal” person, the gay community should, instead of being offended by this portrayal, take solace in the context with which Daffyd Thomas is presented. No longer are the heroes of the show heterosexual males that are “subjected” to the formally-stigmatised homosexual advances. Those around him are totally accepting of him, not to the extent that they wish for him to celebrate his sexuality, but to the extent that they simply do not care what he is. In the village of Llandewi Brefi (the BBC version anyway), the only person who is indifferent to Daffyd’s sexuality is Daffyd himself. Kinky Boots, directed by Julian Jarrold, does poke the odd bit of fun at the trans community, but only to highlight Agony Niece Q. I’m a (male) first year living off-campus and I’m finding uni very lonely. I’ve made a few acquaintances in lectures and tutorials but barely know anyone and don’t have a social life (and I’m not sure I’ve ever really had one). Most of the people I knew from sixth-form college have gone off to other parts of the country, or are back at college and not returning my texts. I tried going on a pub-crawl and just got bored, especially in the nightclub, then got the last train home. I’ve never had a girlfriend, and haven’t asked any girls out at uni, mainly ‘cos I don’t really know anyone, and my few acquaintances disappear back to their Halls (or God knows where) when they’re not in lectures. A. Commuting to university means you miss out on the fun of being forced to live with other students. Still, I would keep working on befriending people on your course, as you are going to be stuck with them for the next few years. Just sit next to random people and start chatting before lectures. You could always ask them to show you round their halls, and you could meet their flatmates. Having a social life doesn’t mean going out and getting drunk every night. If you are looking for more like-minded people, why not join a club or society? That way you would have a common interest with the other students. You could even come and write for Barefacts (hint hint)! Q. My housemates are constantly getting on my nerves. I don’t even like the house we’re living in, but I do my best to keep it tidy. They, on the other hand, leave their junk all over the place and don’t do the washing up for days, expecting me to do it. They eat my food and don’t replace it or admit to taking it. They are also so incredibly rude. They play their music and televisions really loud. When I try to do something for the good of us all, they throw it back in my face. I’m starting to wish I never moved in with them. Do you think it’s too late to find somewhere else to live? how wrong it is to do so. What appeared to be a cheap “lady coming onto straight man without straight man realising lady is a man” stunt turned into a long and moving exploration of how peer pressure and tradition expect us to conform to a certain template. Most importantly, that stunt highlighted the fact that society always allows you the opportunity of ultimately changing that template for the better. It seems the media is following a route of positivity. One that not only opens eyes, but opens minds as well. Equality is at a dangerous cross-road at the moment, and there are many different paths to take. As hard-right media becomes more and more stigmatised as a source of intolerance rather than a source of balance, perhaps we’ll continue to move in the direction of “insignificance”, whereby we begin to recognise that many of society’s differences have been suppressed in the past, and as they begin to show and become accepted, then they will no longer become an important factor in the judgement of the person. At that point, we’ll have reached true equality. Have you got a problem for the Agony Niece? Send them to [email protected] alphabetical order. I know I can’t put it off forever though, so how do I get it done? A. Set aside a couple of hours in the very near future where you will lock yourself in your room. Do not even THINK of moving until you have made a decent start on your essay. If you’re not strict with yourself, you’ll never get it done. Have you used your Department’s resources to their maximum potential? The lecturer who set the essay? Examples of past essays? Students in the year/s above you? Your course reps might be able to bring it up at the next meeting if it is a common problem. Instead of asking others on your course whether they’ve completed it or not, why not ask what their ideas are, so you can generate some ideas of your own. But if you really are struggling, you should get in contact with your personal tutor as soon as possible. A. Have you ever considered that the problem is with you and not your housemates? I mean yes, it would be nicer if they showed a bit more courtesy towards you, but is there any need to be so hostile towards them? Have you tried sitting down and rationally talking to your flatmates and explained your actions or why you are upset? If you still want to move out, check your contract or talk to your landlord to see how much notice you need to give. You should be able to find somewhere else, as there are often posters up around campus for spare rooms. But you can’t guarantee that living with other people will be any better, especially if you don’t know them. Q. I am struggling to complete an essay I have been set. I have a rough idea of what I am supposed to do, but I just can’t get started on it. Some people on my course have already handed their essays in, and that freaks me out even more. As it is stressing me, I keep putting it off and doing other things, like arranging all my cds, dvds and books in Q. If Surrey is meant to be the best university for getting laid, how comes I haven’t managed to even pull? I would say I was a fairly good looking guy but when I meet girls in the union, they don’t seem to take any interest in me. One of my flatmates says he’s already slept with two girls and is ribbing me for not having even kissed one yet. I come from quite a traditional family, so just going for it and “getting in there” is a bit alien to me. But I can’t be that repulsive, can I? A. It is most likely that the girls you meet aren’t used to guys that show them respect, so don’t know how to react. Perhaps you are looking in the wrong places. There is no rule saying that to get lucky you have to pick someone up in the union. By the sounds of it, you would be better off getting to know a girl first. Maybe your flatmate lacks the ability to woo girls, so all he can muster are one night stands. Personally, I would like to know how people have compiled the data that makes UniS the best university for getting laid. ROOM 101 ROOM 101 31 October 2005 David Hynds curator of barefacts’ own Room 101 presents us with students’ offering to this museum of dread. But will their pet peeves be relegated to the residence that houses such beasts as Pocket Change & British Rugby Fans? This article doesn’t write itself you know; it needs people like you, the dear reader. So keep your Room 101 suggestions coming in; email me: [email protected], with ‘Room 101’ as the subject title. Now, in this edition of Room 101, we hear from Kayleigh Manley, a hot young first year with huge amounts of musical talent (her own words...). 1. Old people in Tesco’s trying to use a trolley Now I’m sure every student can relate to this. You’ve got an hour or so between lectures and you have to get round Tesco quickly or else you’ll find yourself starving for the week and that’s when you realise the oldies are out in force. Pottering slowly right down the middle of every aisle, stopping at every other item to make sure it’s not on their list. And that’s not all. If you ever find yourself with an old person heading straight towards you with their trolley, move or you’ll become roadkill. They have the tendency of never politely moving out of anyone’s way and seem to think that Tesco is their territory. Everyone else in the store has the ability to avoid each other. Now it’s not all old people, I must admit, but it’s just not necessary. This throws up an interesting discussion point. Is there an age at which our ability to use a shopping trolley becomes defunct? Or is it that once you’ve retired, you have to fill your days with something other than work? Shopping can now take a whole afternoon, what with the going slowly and bumping into people you know and chatting (in the middle of the pasta aisle). Because of this need to shop every other day, you can’t possibly be doing a ‘big shop’ – so old people should be made to use those personal shopping cart things (you know which ones I mean, the tartan ones – your Gran probably has one). They are smaller, and easily visible, plus aren’t sturdy enough for people bashing. Therefore, in order to make this common policy, Old People who Use a Shopping Trolley should go into Room 101. 3. Males who don’t know their boundaries This is for the females out there who have ever had to deal with a pesky guy who doesn’t know the meaning of the word ‘No’. Now, there are different ways in which guys can over-step the mark, each as bad as the other. First there is the guy who won’t accept that a girl is not single. It’s fine for a non-single girl to go out and meet men but it doesn’t mean that after that night she should be pursued. Friendship is fine of course but when the guy proceeds to try it on, that is when it gets unacceptable. Next there is the guy who just won’t take ‘No’ for an answer, from a single or non-single girl. This doesn’t take much explaining at all; it is simply the kind of guy who thinks he’s so fantastic that any answer other than “Yes, get in my pants” from a girl is not what he should be hearing. Guys, if you want to be considered a gentleman, act like one. Not all guys are bad, however, and that is obvious to any girl who has been treated like a princess; but it really doesn’t take presents and pampering for a guy to be a good one, just manners. Agreed. I would like to think I’m a nice guy, and I can see that there are some people out there who fit this description of Kayleigh’s. Blokes, you do realise that you’re not doing yourselves any favours by behaving like this? This suggestion goes right into Room 101. 2. Excessive use of Speed Bumps I can understand why speed bumps are useful; they slow down traffic which is great in a town hugely populated by boy racers. However, in a housing estate it is quite obvious that having more speed bump than road is hardly helping the matter. I’ve worked out that speed bumps actually pollute the environment. Every time you slow down to go over one you then have to accelerate, burning more fuel and polluting the environment. I’m not a driver myself but the overuse of speed bumps in my home town is enough to drive even me crazy, and if you’re the passenger in a small car you can obtain some serious bruises by travelling around town. It seems to me that if you can’t get from point A to point B, 500 yards away, without encountering a speed bump that could wake a comatose person then they are definitely being over used. Now, I’m not a driver either, but I can understand how Speed Bumps could be annoying. In the West Country (where I come from), not only are there copious amounts of speed bumps, but also Traffic Calming Systems, and Cattle Grids. They cause all sorts of trouble for car suspension, and as Kayleigh quite rightly mentions, they can cause damage to the passengers! Nevertheless, I remember the fun we had as kids, being taken on coaches to the Leisure Centre to get our weekly swimming lessons. The road up to the pool had a number of speed bumps, and it was really fun to jump every time the bus went over one! For the sake of generations to come, speed bumps have to stay out of Room 101. 4. Crazy Frog and ‘Friends’ Everyone who doesn’t live under a rock knows exactly what I’m referring to by Crazy Frog, but his ‘Friends’ may be a bit of a hazy area. I’m talking about all those other little characters who have their own little theme tunes that plague the television. They are characters who the creators think are so appealing that we would just love to have them dancing around on our phones as a ringtone. They are sadly mistaken. It is only seven year old children who keep buying these rubbish ring tones, yet we all have to put up with the annoyance on television. The main problem with these characters is that the tunes are so irritating they stick in your head for days on end. It all went too far when Crazy Frog released a single. The radio is plagued as well. There is no middle-ground on these “creatures”, they are all annoying and must go. Finally someone has mentioned this little fellow. I think everyone tends to agree on this point; no need for a lengthy discussion is there? Good. In it goes. A nice healthy selection goes into Room 101 this time. If you think you could come up with a selection that would impress me, the keeper of Room 101, then see below for more details. Die, Dammit, Die... 6 Have you anything you would like to permanently get rid of? If so, email [email protected], with ‘Room 101’ in the subject line. Don’t forget to write a little about yourself, and ensure that your choices are explained fully. It is the columnist’s right to edit entries as he deems fit, so it would be most useful if explanations are lengthy, and in detail. Barefacts and the columnist will ensure that the majority of your contributions are used, however; if suggestions are in any way derogatory, then they shall be omitted. Remember, keep it clean. 31 October 2005 KONSUMER REVOLT! 7 barefacts very own attempt at a consumer testing section. We were aiming for interesting and informative... by Neil Boulton In this edition the Konsumer Revolt team take on a food-stuff which may well be the corner stone of our student diets - Cheese. Simple as that really, stores were invaded and samples of cheese purchased for testing. We bought a ‘value’ and a ‘regular’ cheddar cheese from Tesco’s, Sainsbury’s and the Co-op. Co-op however were a bit under-stocked, only yielding pre-sliced cheddar cheese (Possibly making the price comparisson inacurate), which while a tad weird, was still cheese so stayed in the competition. The test took two parts: Part the first, a simple taste test. Part the second however was perhaps far more important than the first - Cheese On Toast! Each of our six cheeses were lovingly sliced by official Konsumer Revolt chef ‘Special’ who ‘got his grill’ on in order to whip up cheese toastie examples for the test regime (Cheeses were also toasted on the bread of their own store). Also in the test group was a token welshman, eager to see how the Konsumer Revolt team would rate his national dish. Curiously the ‘value’ end of the cheese spectrum isn’t called cheddar, just a generic ‘cheese’... Anyway, on with the cheese! Just Cheese Tesco Value Mild Cheese (3.34 /kg) Susan: It Tastes like edam.... Tree – it tastes like an edam cheddar hybrid Special – Allergy advice: Contains Milk Tree – you see that one gets a yay, but it should be noted that it is not Cheddar. Those marketing people, always out to get me and my food pound. Susan – I liked that, but it’s not cheddar! Special: I did like the initial taste, but since then the after taste is beginning to hurt deep inside. Tesco English Mild Cheddar (4.84 /kg) Tree: ok now this is cheddar. Dear lord that’s a marketing improvement. Special: humm has taste, doesn’t taste of nothing ness. That’s cheddar – it has that cheddar tang. 3/3 : it’s actual cheddar!! Special: I approve. Tree : its leaving some odd form of flem in my mouth, but we’ll ignore that. Susan: I’m going to have to say nay, I don’t like cheddar Tree: we have just discovered Susan doesn’t like cheddar, it’s going to be an interesting evening. Although, if we find the cheddar the man who doesn’t like cheddar likes, we will have found the best for it will have converted him! Sainsburys Basics mild hard cheese (3.34 /kg) Tree: ARGH, this feels horrible, this is the least appealing cheese I have ever touched. Special: This is probably a bad time to say it but this feels like the rubber they make Just Cheese C h e e s e o n To a s t condoms out of. Susan: It doesn’t have the bad taste of cheddar to it – which is a plus… but it tasted awful. Sainsbury’s Mild English Cheddar (4.68 /kg) Tree: At lease it tastes better Susan: it’s got a lot of flavour to it. 3/3 : the tesco one is a lot nicer. Special: it’s sort of a nay on principle Tree: it tastes like hardened flem. Sainsbury’s be good to your self medium cheese (6.29 /kg) Susan: this is not good. Tree: what the, This stuff is actually burning the inside of my mouth. Special: This tastes more mature than a medium. Tree: “Be good to yourself” – WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG?! 3/3: blaarggh. Susan: my tongue is tingling even now – eugh, this is why I don’t like cheddars. Co-op Mild Cheddar cheese (priceless?) Susan: not awful, but again – it tastes like cheddar, so it’s not nice! Tree: I prefer my cheese in blocks. It was a weird experience, not one I’ll be telling my grandchildren about. 3/3 : Bleuagh. Susan: I’m going to give it a Yay, although I wouldn’t buy it. It tasted not bad, but I still don’t like cheddars. Special: Ok, that cheese actually makes me feel ill. My stomach is beginning to feel a little weird. Tesco Value Cheese on Toast Tree: this is nice. Susan: mmm, mm, mm mmmm, mmmm, mm., mmmm That’s good. Special: Cheese! 3/3 : It was plasticky and chewy but it was good. Special: Just, Bleugh Tesco Normal Cheese on Toast Susan: Mmm, this is good. Tree: is that sarcasm? Susan: no! Special: I taste greasiness. Tree: I like it! 3/3 : yum Special: a retrospective yay Tree: it was like a greasier version of the first but I still like it. Sainsburys basic cheese on Toast Special: this one it taking it’s time to melt – it could actually be plastic. Susan: WHERE’S MY CHEESY TOAST Special: here it is. Susan:… Where’s my cheesy toast. Very little taste. Special: Did I just eat something. Tree: it’s nice I like it. Susan: It was very nice toast but it had some tasteless hot stuff on top of it. Tree: I like the texture. Susan: Yeah the texture was ok. 3/3 : more please!!! Winner! A simple count of the ‘just cheese’ & ‘cheese on toast’ totals yields a clear winner - Tesco Mild Sainsbury’s Normal Cheese on Toast 3/3 : Yay Tree: Subtle but magestic. Susan: Not sure what it is but I just don’t like that one so much. I guess it might just be that I have had too much cheese on toast already. Special: This is the Welshman’s choice. 3/3 : only because Sainsburys is close than tescos Sainsburys be good to your self Susan: Sainsburys be good to your self cheese works on the basis that, if it tastes bad enough no one will eat it – therefore you will not put on any weight. Special: Is cheese on toast supposed to inflate?! Note cheese appears to inflate itself. It is the armidillow of cheese on toast Tree: I like this one Susan: ooh no, eugh, this is just wrong. 3/3 : This is not good to me. Special: I liked that one, it tastes a little like burnt cheese but I like that. Tree: Cheesemanaughts. Co-op Mild Cheddar Cheese on Toast Tree: It doesn’t smell very appealing. Special: That does almost taste like channies cheese… with the added grease from refried chips. I think I’ve had enough cheese for the moment. 3/3 : bad dreams tonight Special: Yeah, everyone try and write up their bad dreams tonight. Cheddar. And only Susan liked Co-op cheddar cheese slices. Hopefully we’ve all learned something from all this... C h e e s e o n To a s t 8 FOOD 31 October 2005 This Week’s Food Section is EPIC. Just look at all those tasty meal & snack ideas. Immense. Thanks to Jayne Thomas & Emma Clarke for collecting all of these recipies together. Next edition they’re looking at Winter Warmers... Healthy Go Happy This week’s recipes are for those of us who want to try and get a few more nutrients into our diet that might bring a bit of a change from the burgers and chips which are starting to bore the taste buds by now! The common clichés to a healthy diet: • 5 portions of fruit and vegetables per day, • a balance of red and white meats for proteins, • plenty of pulses and grains, • keep the calcium up with milk (skimmed or semi) and natural yoghurt • Red wine for the heart! • Always eat breakfast. But remember it’s about balance and don’t forget the regular exercise too! Now any idea about herbs - other than that they are green and look a bit like grass or leaves? Here’s an easy guide to how to start using them in our daily diets: Basil: Classic with Tomatoes. Not to be cooked, but torn and added to salads, tomato and fish dishes. Coriander: Essential for Asian cooking. Stimulates the appetite. Add chopped to curries, noodles, salads. Goes well with mint and basil. Mint: Yummy with roast lamb. Parsley: High in Vitamin C. Flat leaf parsley - chopped roughly and added to omelettes, tomato salads, salsas. Curly parsley should be chopped finely. Rosemary: Helps the memory and eases hangovers. Perfect with roast lamb. Goes well with chicken, roast potatoes, garlic and root vegetables. Sage: Ideal with pork, pasta and ravioli. Thyme: Mixes well with chicken and lamb. As part of garnish with leeks or carrots. Cheese on Toast with a Twist Thanks to Kuldip Prep time 2mins Cooking time 5mins Ingredients: Wholemeal/Granary bread,Red Pesto, Cheese Method: Toast the bread. Spread with a little red pesto. Sprinkle with grated cheese. Grill until the cheese melts and starts to turn golden. Add a little pepper... Tips: Slice a tomato (baby toms work well) and add on top of the grated cheese before putting under the grill. Delicious Muesli Crunch Cakes Prep time: 5mins Cooking time: no cooking, about 45mins in the fridge Ingredients: 175g Hard block margarine 2tbsp Golden syrup 50g Brown sugar 3tbsp Cocoa powder 75g Raisins/Sultanas/Currants etc 350g Muesli (or other oaty type cereal) 200g Chocolate (plain or milk, cooking or not) Method: Grease an 18x28cm baking tin (or line it with greaseproof paper). Melt the margarine, sugar, syrup and cocoa in a pan. Remove from heat and stir in the raisins and cereal. Press the mixture into the tin evenly. Melt the chocolate (place in a bowl, place bowl into a pan that has some hot water in it) and then spread over the mixture (right into the corners). Chill until set and then cut into fingers. Store in an airtight container. Chicken and Apple Curry (Serves 4) Prep time: 10 mins Cooking time: 30 mins Ingredients: 4 chicken breasts (sliced) 1 tbsp olive oil 1 onion (chopped) 1 teaspoon curry powder 1 carrot (sliced) 1 red pepper (sliced) 1 can of coconut cream (400ml) 250ml chicken stock (oxo cube and 250ml hot water) 2 green apples (chopped) 30g sultanas 1 tbsp fresh coriander (or 1/2 tbsp dried mixed herbs) Method: Chop onion and garlic finely and fry in pan on medium heat with olive oil. Add the curry powder and herbs as coating for onion. Add the chicken pieces and cook for 5 minutes, until lightly browned. Add chopped carrot, peppers, apples and sultanas. Add chicken stock and coconut cream, boil, then simmer for 20 minutes and allow sauce to reduce. Serve with wholemeal or basmati rice. Variations: Pears instead of apples - Celery instead of peppers - Bean sprouts instead of carrots. Curry Powders come in varying ranges of heat: Mild, Medium, Hot. Adapt due to your taste! Stuffed Peppers (Serves 3) Prep time: 15 mins Cooking time: 10 mins Ingredients: 6 large peppers 1 tbsp fresh coriander (or 1/2 tbsp dried mixed herbs) Salt and pepper 1 tbsp olive oil 2 spring onions (chopped finely) 1 garlic clove (crushed) 3oz wholemeal breadcrumbs or 1/2 cup of cous cous 1 tbsp soy sauce Method: Slice top of peppers and scoop out middle of peppers. Combine the herbs, salt and pepper, oil, onions, garlic, and soy sauce. Heat the cous cous in water with 25g margarine and simmer for 5 minutes (according to packet instructions). Mix the cous cous (or breadcrumbs) with the herb mixture and fill the peppers with equal amounts. Oven bake the stuffed peppers for 10 minutes at 190degrees or microwave at 70% for 5 minutes, until hot but remaining firm. Serve with melted feta cheese on top or with BaconWrapped chicken. Variations: Use large tomatoes instead of peppers. Use grated carrot or babycorn instead of onions.Serve with rice instead of cous cous or bread crumbs. 31 October 2005 GLORIOUS FOOD it’s not just healthy eating in this edition’s food fest - There’s also a host of recipies for lunch in a rush! Noodles and Corned Beef Thanks to Alex Adams and DC Prep time 5mins Cooking time 5mins Ingredients: Bachelors Super Noodles (chicken flavour), Tin of Corned Beef, BBQ sauce, Soy Sauce, Salt and Pepper. Method: Break up noodles and simmer in hot water for 5 minutes (according to packet). Add half a tin of Corned Beef and mix in well. Add BBQ sauce, soy sauce and salt and pepper. Serve with crispy bread rolls. Tips: Substitute Corned Beef for tuna mayonnaise! Yum! Bacon and Banana Sandwiches (Makes 2) Thanks to Hannah Orchard and her famous chef! Prep time 5mins Cooking time 10mins Ingredients: Rindless back bacon, 2 Bananas, Butter, Mango chutney, Mayonnaise, Lettuce (washed), Thickly sliced white bread Method: Grill 6 rashers of bacon on medium heat. Slice bananas into small pieces (1cm thick). Butter the bread (optional to toast bread). Make sandwich filled with layer of banana slices, layer of 3 rashers of bacon, layer of lettuce, layer of mango chutney and layer of mayonaise. You could try adding sliced apple too! Enjoy! Baked Beans with a twist Thanks to James - Rob - Dandridge Prep time 5mins Cooking time 5mins Ingredients: Tin of Baked Beans Crunchy Peanut Butter Butter Thickly Sliced Bread Dried mixed herbs Grated cheese (optional) Salt and Pepper Method: Toast bread and butter, then add a layer of peanut butter. Simmer beans in pan for 4 minutes until cooked through. Add mixed herbs and salt and pepper. Pour beans over toast and add grated cheese. You wish has been granted... ...Sunday Roasts now being served in Chancellor’s. (on a Sunday... obviously) Hummus and Raisin Topped Toast Thanks to Jayne Prep time: 1min Cooking time: 2mins Ingredients: Wholemeal/Granary bread, Hummus, Raisins Method: Toast the bread. Spread with hummus. Sprinkle with raisins. Tips: To speed up the process, while toasting the bread, arrange the raisins on a plate (roughly in an area the size of a slice of bread) and then after spreading the hummus, press the hummus side down onto the plate picking up the raisins! Sweet Potatoes with Chilli (For the ladies in PATS!) Thanks to Jayne Prep time: 5mins Cooking time: 10mins Ingredients: A little oil, Sweet Potato, Chilli powder, Soy sauce Method: Cut some sweet potato into 1/4in thick slices. Heat some oil in a frying pan. Add the sweet potato and fry for 5 mins till turning a little golden. Add a dash of soy sauce and sprinkle with chilli powder (as hot as you like!) Toss a little to coat the slices... Options: numerous! You can add peas, chopped peppers, sweetcorn, leek, red or white onion and even cous cous (or a mixture of them). Can also swap chilli powder for a bit of paprika. Bacon-wrapped Chicken breasts (Serves 3) Prep time: 10 mins Cooking time: 30 mins Ingredients: 3 chicken breast fillets 2 tbsp wholegrain mustard Salt and pepper 1 tbsp soy sauce 1 tbsp honey 9 streaky bacon rashers Method: Make a paste with the mustard, soy sauce, salt and pepper and honey. Spread the paste over each chicken breast. Take three rashers of bacon and wrap round each chicken fillet, overlapping slightly. Secure with a cocktail stick. Place chicken on a roasting tin in the oven at 190 degrees for 30 minutes; until bacon is crispy and brown. Check chicken is thoroughly cooked by slicing meat with knife (juices should be clear). 9 10 LIFESTYLE 31 October 2005 Ah lifestyle. Philosophy, religion, music, and even explorations into the depths of the human psyche. Enjoy this week’s offerings from barefacts very own Liz Lawrence. Buy Nothing Day! It’s gearing up. “26th of November is the International Buy Nothing Day. Participate by not Participating! I don’t think I need to pontificate too much about our consumer culture, which frankly has gone totally off the rails with disastrous consequences for planet and humankind. You all know (I hope) the sad statistic that 20% of the planet’s population consume 80% of the resources. I could go on and on, the ecology, sweat shops, child-labour, perpetuating and growing the divide between rich and poor…Oh dear, I have become too depressed for words and I might have to go out for some retail therapy… Check out BND’s excellent web-site www.buynothingday.co.uk. Also this year again Buy Nothing Christmas at www.buynothingchristmas.org . Both sites totally brilliant and they are providing some good ideas of how to resist the evil empire of mindless shopping. I particularly liked: GO TO WORK - GET FIRED 1. Get a Saturday job at a BRANDED store or FOOD OUTLET. 2. Time it so your first day at work is on BND (November 29th). 3. Invite lots of your friends along. 4. Your friends pretend to be customers and que at your checkout. 5. You refuse to sell stuff because its BND. 6. Your friends (un-happy shoppers) create stink. 7. Tell the store manager you wont sell anything on BND!!! 8. See how long it takes before you get FIRED!!! If you’re already working on BND - PHONE IN SICK!!! Also good - setting up swap shops and credit card cut-up sessions. Check out the web-sites and tell all your friends about Buy Nothing Day! [email protected] Classical Music Inexpensive and Irrelevant? When even one of biggest selling classical artists is throwing in the towel and defecting to pop is there any hope at all for classical music? In case you were wondering – I am referring to Welsh Warbler Charlotte Church. In her prime she had the “aah”factor-granny appeal and managed to outsell even the mighty Pavarotti. Quite a feat given that as a classical singer she was actually total rubbish. A rather unscientific straw poll at the Barefacts meeting confirmed my suspicions of total disinterest among Surrey students. To be fair there was one other person who had had piano lessons and kind of regretted not to have persevered. If you think of Culture as a Darwinist display of affluence that a society can afford –labour dedicated to entertainment is lost for other more immediately pressing tasks like ploughing the fields - then the Arts are broadly equivalent to a particularly spectacular but useless peacock’s tail. Playing in or listening to a Symphony Orchestra or an Opera must be one of the most expensive pastimes in the world. Just to train up the participants (players, singers, conductors) requires on average around 10 years of training each, add to that the cost of the instruments, staging etc. My rough estimate of “cost” for a Symphony concert is as follows: 120 players (required for some of the heavier late romantic symphonies) 10 years of training each 5 hours of practise 5 days a week 48 weeks of the year 12 million workdays of 8 hours!!! (All of these figures are actually quite conservative in my view – some brass players might practise less, but the strings will probably compensate) Then, if we are talking opera production, say at Covent Garden add another £350,000 for the set, plus another £300,000 for director, designer, singers etc. (I am not even counting the cost of running a building) and the amounts get fairly staggering and definitely too big for my little head to add up. Is it worth it? Well, no, if it’s only aimed at corporate entertainment and the rich in general. To make Orchestras and Opera Houses eligible for public subsidy they now have to provide outreach and education to qualify. Commendable but also akin to shutting the stable door after the proverbial horse has bolted. Years of educational neglect, the virtual destruction of most county music services cannot be remedied by a few workshops held by well-meaning orchestral players and 3rd rate opera singers – because you can bet your sweet little ass that the “stars” are not going to come to some primary school to peddle their craft. The discrepancy between singers and orchestral players is noticeable here – whereas members of the LSO, undoubtedly one of the finest orchestras in the world, regularly visit inner city London schools, I have not heard of any big name opera stars doing the same. If classical music has become irrelevant to you it is understandable. But you are missing out. Stick 2 fingers up to the establishment and claim your heritage back. For the risk of sounding like Classic FM, it is the world’s most beautiful music and you will be rewarded with an emotional experience which would be difficult to replicate in any other way. Also, revel in the fact that while classical music is expensive it is also (relatively) uncommercial – the big bucks are made in pop music. And, although it has been tried, it is virtually impossible to manufacture a classical performer. There is obviously Vanessa Mae, the violinist famous for playing in a wet T-Shirt and more recently Kathryn Jenkin, who for some reason has got away without singing topless – it would be the only explanation for her success. But these two aberrations apart, you can’t pretend to mime into a microphone if you are on an opera stage or need to play a piano concerto. Try out some classical music, you might like it. Interested in writing a lifestyle article? Interested in writing any articles for that matter? Buy Nothing Day - where you buy nothing. Flags, however, don’t count. Get in touch: [email protected] 31 October 2005 STUDENTS’ UNION 11 USSU President Folarion “Flo” Oyeleye has put his dexterous fingers to his keyboard and written some articles on the present and future goings on of the Students’ Union here at Surrey. Strap yourself in as we head to the future... Sounds like a sporting event doesn’t it! It could be the world tournament for snakebite drinkers. Or it could be the university olympics before the London olympics. It is actually a headline just to get you reading my terribly written article. I want you lovely readers think about what Rubix will be like in 5yrs…….. I have a few things to get your minds going: Will Rubix still lack proper ventilation to make the students comfortable when they are out having a good time? Will AJ (head of doorstaff) still be called an uneducated twat every night by students? Will Leroy still be djing off a laptop or would he step up his game and dj with an ipod? Will the toilets in Rubix still be an absolute embarrassment or will we have the trendiest unisex toilets in the UK? Will Rubix have A-list celebs performing every other week? Will it still be so difficult to get served at the bar or will every student have an unlimited tab at the door and the bar? The list can go on forever. It is difficult to predict the future of nightclubs and even harder to predict the future of your student union (not talking about the nightclub or the bar anymore). External companies have this similar problem and they tackle it by deciding where they want the company to be in 5-10yrs. Well the students’ union decided to jump on the successful companies (the students’ union is actually a charity) and do the same. Over the last year the students’ union developed a document that talks about were the University of Surrey Students’ Union should be in 5yrs and how these objectives will be achieved. The document is called ‘The Union Strategy 2005- 2010’ (You can find it at ussu.co.uk). So I don’t bore you, the strategy includes things about the improvement of sport clubs and societies, the better welfare service the students’ union will provide the students and how the students’ union will continue to operate a sensible business model so that we constantly reinvest our profits in students. It includes the improvement in the relationship between the students’ union and the local community, local council and corporate sponsors we hope to have by 2010. There is much more in it but this just gives you an idea of how the students’ union wants to evolve to make all our services better every year. (To some people that didn’t make any sense) The students’ union wants to try to keep the drinks as cheap as we possibly can, sound better? (obviously in line with our sensible drinking policy!). To read the Union Strategy go to ussu.co.uk. Its all there and was voted in at Union council (the forum where every student can have their say on what the students’ union is doing or should be doing). Next time I’ll find something more exciting to write about. Till next time, Flo says…..if you see me don’t be a stranger, I am the friendliest dude in the world. I’m working for you so tell me what you want me doing for you. Folarin “Flo” Oyeleye USSU President Two Adverts, which next to each other seem unusual. But individually are fantastic!.. IT’S THE ENTS PLANNER! 12 31 October 2005 Did you know?... Fetish Night tickets have gone on sale already. Fetish Night is the dress-up event of the Rubix calendar - Expect a great deal of scantily clad women and men in drag. So buy your tickets from the Union Shop now! There are also tickets available for Rachel Steven’s appearance at the USSU gay-friendly night Tease. Remember to sign up to the Students’ Union Newsletter & Grapevine at ussu.co.uk/grapevine October 31st - November 6th Monday 31st Chancellor’s Cocktail Night featuring: Mark Watson, Ben Hurley & Guests Tuesday 1st Wednesday 2nd Thursday 3rd Friday 4th Saturday 5th Sunday 6th 2Unlimited’s Anita Doth Open Mic Night in Chance l l or’s It’s Friday! £2 Advance, £3 before 10:30pm £4 afterwards No-Wave (Rock, Punk, Indie, etc.) in the HRB Tease Rubix 9:30pm - 2:00am Stella Screen Free Film - Fright Night Special! in the HRB 8pm 13 OH YEAH! THE ENTS PLANNER The Brand Shiny New USSU e-News Letter Thing! 31 October 2005 Yep, some of you may already have read this stirling piece of information delivery, others haven’t. Basically much like Grapevine supplies you with all you Union Entertainment news, The USSU newsletter provides you with all your general students’ union news & info: Sign up today (identically to grapevine) at ussu.co.uk/grapevine November 7th - November13th Monday 7th Tuesday 8th Chancellor’s Cocktail Night ll ll Chance or’s Cha enge: Tree & Piers attempt to run a quiz! in Chancellor’s no less! 8pm - £1 per person in a team All entry money goes towards the Quiz Cash Prize! e: m i t t Las e z i r 1st P £60... t to e g r ’t Fo en... n o P D gA n i r B Wednesday 9th Thursday 10th Friday 11th Saturday 12th Sunday 13th Open Mic Night in Chance l l or’s It’s Friday! £2 Advance, £3 before 10:30pm £4 afterwards Presha (Drum ‘n’ Bass) Chancellor’s is open They’d love it if you came by Seriously They would... Without Grace + Support 7:30pm Rubix 14 MUSIC 31 October 2005 The Arts Section, as usual, starts off with music. The Next CD Hand-out for Music Reviews will be Monday 5pm, 31st October (The day this paper comes out actually...), then fortnightly after that. Neat, huh? ([email protected] if you can’t wait) EL PRESIDENTE El Presidente One Records / Sony BMG DEVENDRA BANHART Cripple Crow XL Recordings It’s a shame that some bands who create unforgettable albums just don’t cut it live. El Presidente have the opposite problem. Having witnessed a quite frankly, stunning support set at Somerset House over the summer, I was expecting the album to reflect this. Alas, this was not the case. ‘Without You’, the opening track and most recent single is definitely a plodder. It doesn’t quite make you shout “Yeah!” and wave your hands in the air (like you just don’t care), but it’s good for a car journey through the Alps. Tracks like ‘Keep On Walking’ and ‘Turn This Thing Around’ have the energy and groove, but I can’t help comparing them to the fantastic sound they produced on stage. And this is where I contradict myself. I like listening to this album. This Glaswegian quintet write fine songs, and the musicians are all very good too. ‘Hanging Around’ is a brilliant, brilliant track with an awesome groove, whilst ‘Count On Me’ is a little more lacklustre (the word ‘boring’ seemed a little harsh there – don’t you love thesauruses?(or thesauri? Is that a word? – Nicole). I know this review seems very confusing, but it’s very difficult to know what to say. The music has been described as disco-rock with a “sexy, sleazy party vibe” which sums it up pretty well. They’re an awesome band to see in the flesh, and if you buy the album and like it, then go buy some tickets now. For virginity-less El Presidente fans – wait for the live album. 3/5 Patrick Hunter Most of us will remember Devendra’s 2002 debut album, entitled ‘Oh Me Oh My The Way The Day Goes By The Sun Is Setting Dogs Are Dreaming Lovesongs Of The Christmas Spirit’ especially if you replace the word ‘most’ with ‘none’. Despite having a slightly odd name and three albums under his belt, Devendra Banhart isn’t particularly well-known at all. ‘Cripple Crow’ is Banhart’s latest attempt at mainstream success. Recorded in Woodstock, NY, it boasts 22 tracks of beautiful, soothing, exotic, rhythmic, chilled-out music that sounds good anywhere, at any time. I have to say that this is a truly extraordinary masterpiece. You listen to the first track and think “Hmmm… folk…” then listen to the next track and think “Hmmm… bossa nova…”. Track 4 = Jeff Buckley, track 5 = Turin Brakes/Beatles, etc – you get the gist. This album is a like a small record collection all on one piece of plastic – the iPod may have some competition… The opening track, ‘Now That I Know’ is a gorgeous guitar and cello combo, reminiscent of Nick Drake, whilst ‘Some People Ride The Wave’ is Badly Drawn Boy meets Roger Miller. ‘I Feel Just Like A Child’ is a highlight for me; with a White Stripes-esque feel and odd lyrics, this is something different yet again. There’s so much I could say about this album, but even more that I can’t put into words. If you can get a chance to listen to it, do. I don’t think you’ll be disappointed. 4.5/5 Patrick Hunter OCEANSIZE Everyone Into Position Beggars Banquet THE BLACK VELVETS The Black Velvets Mercury A good start to trying to explain a bit what Oceansize sound like would be to list some of the bands they’ve toured with: The Cooper Temple Clause, Cave In & Biffy Clyro. The guitar styles range from heavy riffs to sparser sounding, more ambient, guitar work. ‘No Tomorrow’ ends with some full-on-metal levels of riffage while ‘Music For A Nurse’ is a subdued winding instrumental. ‘Everyone Into Position’ let’s the band show off a range of styles and ideas, adding them to a central identity. Basically, the songs are distinctively different, but they all sound like they belong together as an album. Examples: The opening track, ‘Charm Offensive’ lets us hear what Trent Reznor would sound like if he didn’t believe in synthesizers and the closer ‘Ornament/The Last Wrongs’ sees the band encroaching on territory usually reserved for The Polyphonic Spree. I could go on, but I won’t. The album has pretty much everything (there’s even a little bit of electronic glitch for 16 seconds in the intro to ‘New Pin’) and sounds as large as their name would have you imagine; single track ‘Heaven Alive’ has a staggeringly massive chorus to it. However the album isn’t very ‘radio friendly’, all the songs are at least 5 minutes long and the album sits far from the region known as ‘mainstream’. But if you like distorted guitars and rather intriguing musical connections seek this CD out. It’s a little bit what A Perfect Circle would sound like they were from Manchester... and it’s pretty damn good. 4/5 Neil Boulton I’ll be entirely honest, when I got this album I had no idea who The Black Velvets were, but always keen to hear new music I sat down to listen to it, eager to hear something new and innovative. My hopes were dashed half way through the first track when I realised I was listening to a twentyfirst century rip off of what Led Zepp’ were doing thirty years ago. I have no problem with bands taking influences from greats of the past, but what is basically just a rehash of something that’s already been done frankly serves no purpose in my life. The innovation and originality in this album are non existent, however if you look beyond this there were two tracks which certainly had me tapping my feet, enraged as I was by this point. Those two tracks are ‘Glamstar’, a brash, pure rock track comparable heavily to Sabbath, and ‘Once in a while’, which could have Depeche Mode’s legal team mulling over how much it resembles ‘Personal Jesus’. However for any great band these should be merely tracks to fill out an album, not what it is built around. The truth is, the Velvets have nothing to set them apart from the rest, they have no astounding tunes to separate them from the wave of boring bands spawned by the success of The Darkness a couple of years back, like The Ga Gas and Tokyo Dragons. It’s not as if on this album the Velvets do anything drastically wrong, but there’s nothing that they do astoundingly well. The Black Velvets claim they want to be the biggest band in the world. Well I’d say, “Keep dreaming lads”. 2/5 Steve Hume 31 October 2005 MUSIC 15 LADYTRON Witching Hour Island Records TEST ICICLES For Screening Purposes Only Domino Ladytron get a raw deal in the music world, it seems inexplicable to me that a band like Goldfrapp can get into the nation’s stereos, but the Liverpool four piece seem destined to forever lurk in the shadows, worshipped by a small fan base, but never being given the chance to appeal to the masses due to a lack of commercial exposure and credit. ‘Witching Hour’ is the third offering from Ladytron and, for those with the patience to find out about them, they never fail to impress. It would be unfair to write this review without mentioning the German pioneers of electronica, Kraftwerk. It’s true to say that Kraftwerk invented the genre and listening to this album, it’s clear how much it has moved on, from the days of ‘The Man Machine’ and ‘Radio-activity’. Ladytron are very pop orientated (something Kraftwerk could never have claimed to be), and although this moves further away from the pop facade which they built up on their last two albums, ‘Destroy Everything You Touch’ is a perfectly accessible pop tune and the best thing I’ve heard all year! ‘Sugar’ and ‘International Dateline’ are the other two potential hits; they build up an almost Portishead style atmosphere, but with hummable melody akin to New Order or Depeche Mode. The album becomes more electronic and seemingly more spontaneous towards the end but this shows another, more Kraftwerk-esque side to Ladytron and they do it very well. The electronic, futuristic sound is complemented perfectly by the almost eerie sound of the voices of Mira Aroyo and Helena Marnie. If you like electronica, then you will not find a better modern day example of it than this album and if Ladytron keep up in this vein they could be destined to become a national treasure. 4.5/5 Steve Hume Test Icicles are hard synth-packed rockstuff – like the Blood Brothers for NME readers (and sound a bit like Sex Positions if you’ve heard of them, though if that doesn’t help a mix of Death From Above 1979 and Plot To Blow Up The Eiffel Tower is a pretty good summation) - not what you’d expect from Domino, the label currently bringing us the hype-adsorbing pair of Artic Monkeys & Franz Ferdinand amongst others... It’s a bit too, well, metal. It’s great; you get quirky vocals paired up with screaming, some rather distorted guitar, thumping bass drum and some nice synthesizer-noises. ‘Circle.Square.Triangle’ is a bit closer to Domino’s normal leanings only for the next track, ‘Catch It!’ to bring some throat-based screaming and near-trash guitar into the mix. ‘Sharks’ has a bass line & rhythm section which any band currently riding this New-wave-thieving rock trend would be proud to have in its arsenal. Personally I can’t see any glaringly weak parts about the album, but maybe I’ve fallen a bit to much for it. The main thing is, if any of the things I’ve said about it aren’t your thing, then you’ll probably not be as overjoyed by the album as me. In my opinion it’s about time a band from England sounded like this! 5/5 Neil Boulton SHOOTING AT UNARMED MEN Soon There Will Be... Too Pure Quite a few people were upset when quirky guitar-types Mclusky went their separate ways; Shooting At Unarmed Men is one of the fragments surfacing to ride again. Some will also be happy that this fragment doesn’t feel that far removed from its original whole - it sounds an awful lot like Mclusky, at times nigh-on identical. This makes reviewing it very hard; if they had gone in a different sort of direction to vocalist/guitarist Jon Chapple’s former band this would have been no problem. I’m just sitting here, trying to think of something to say other than “It sounds like Mclusky”, but I can’t. I’m now on track 6... Still thinking of a description. It seems to be a bit softer in parts than Mclusky. Maybe they shouldn’t have given this album to someone who owns Mclusky CDs. Apparently the other 2 from Mclusky are finishing what would be Mclusky’s 4th album, though if that sounded like Mclusky I wouldn’t be surprised. This album’s quite good. ‘This Much Is A Lot’ has a great quirky guitar intro/rhythm to it (and some nice yelping), lyrically ‘The Pink Ink’ shows that the lyrical oddities of the past continue on, “She’s got a little bag that she’s crammed with leg hair”. So yeah, regular-going-on-snarly vocals nothing overly original musically with all the bizarre lyrical touches you’d expect. I’m sorry I mentioned Mclusky so much in this review... I think I’ve been brainwashed, or I was just expecting something different. Additionally none of the tracks really stand out as being exemplary (save for ‘Four-Eyed McClayvie’. There’s some proper creativity going on there). 2/5 Neil Boulton THE PRODIGY Their Law: The singles 1990-2005 XL Recordings Ltd Wow, finally a compilation CD that actually warrants being released! As the title suggests, The Prodigy have been in the charts since 1990, making all manner of innovative dance music. This album is a worthwhile showcase of all of their biggest hits, a must for fans as a handy “I’ll play this in my car, it has all the songs I like” CD, and for complete Prodigy virgins as it has all their really good songs on it. It starts off with that classic,’Firestarter’, (Come on, you all know it, you must remember Keith Flint gurning like a nutter in the video), then proceeds to fly through their hits like an album possessed; ‘Breathe’, ‘Out of Space’(My favourite…”boink!”), ‘Smack My Bitch Up’ (Great video, if you haven’t seen it, check it out), ‘Girls’, ‘No Good (Start the Dance)’…..Ok, I probably sound like a complete obsessive, but I just didn’t realise how many of The Prodigy’s songs I actually like until I heard this album. Each song has a different flavour, with all manner of samples, vocals, and beats, and each one makes you wish you were in a huge club ready to throw some crazy shapes out there. (Such as Octagons maybe, or perhaps a Trapezium?) . Anyway, go buy this if you’re a fan of The Prodigy, or just of dance music in general, it’s great. 4/5 Beth Heale Download of the Week: Rammstein – Rensort http://www.rammstein.com Emphatic German rockers Rammstein return with their new album ‘Rensort’ – you can listen to 6 samples from this album which shows that they are still as scary and German as ever. Yes I know this isn’t actually a download, but it’s still worth a listen. Ollie Ghaney 16 FILM/DVD The Film Section part of the much larger Art Section grouping reviews films, DVD and other similar veined visual media currently out and about the place. Epitaph Tour MATCHBOOK ROMANCE / MOTION CITY SOUNDTRACK / FROM FIRST TO LAST / SCATTER THE ASHES This DVD chronicles one stop of the Epitaph tour interspersing live footage of the four bands with interviews/biography pieces about them all (Epitaph are a record label by the way). All 4 bands are of the current wave of emo-rock sweeping the US and parts of the UK; Scatter The Ashes take an arty approach to it, while From First To Last add a sort of hardcore/metalcore element to it, Motion City Soundtrack add keyboards and some almost pops sensibilities to it and Matchbook Romance leave the formula pretty much as-is. I think the interview/backstage portions should play 2nd fiddle to the actual concert footage but on this DVD they don’t; instead they’re mixed in between the selection of songs from each band’s set. From First To Last’s had the worst interview sections; we got to see them go shopping, buy some rather unusual trousers and find out how terribly young they are. Motion City Soundtrack stand out from the others as having the most accessibility. The live footage of the show itself seemed rather clean and purposeful (only a negative if you’re one for ‘gritty realism’) with all 4 bands together (with interviews) coming to 90 minutes of TV, but there’s other footage such as promos and assorted live clips also on the DVD. The downside is it feels as though not enough time is spent on each band’s material. Instead it feels like we’re just treated to rather bland getting-to-know you style TV interview fodder. On the whole if you’re not a fan of the bands, or the genre itself the DVD doesn’t have much to offer you, but if you’re down with the scene, as it were, you should find some of it interesting. 2/5 Neil Boulton THE PHENOMENAUTS Beyond Warped – Live Springman / Pinnacle Vision This ‘Beyond Warped’ idea’s pretty good. On the CD one side has the band’s live set from the warped tour and on the other side is a DVD video of the set. It even has the tracks ready encoded in MP3 format (Well, I say MP3, it was AAC & WMA) for putting on your MP3 player. Hello digital age! Anyway, onto the Phenomenauts – basically the band sound like Devo crossbred with a pack of cowboys... A sound I thoroughly approve of. All their songs are about space travel and such intergalactic musings with such lyrical flares as “This world is bringin’ me down! with it’s Gravity!”... consider it Rocket Roll. I’d have liked the keyboards to have been more prominent in the live mix as I felt the synthesizer sound was lacking in a few of the songs. This band benefit from the DVD side as seeing them belt out these sci-fi-space-rock songs makes a lot more sense when you can see them doing it. There are some extra videos (not of their Warped tour set) on the DVD, their DIY-style fitting in with their love of 50’s Sci-fi nostalgia. It would have been nice if the set was longer (it’s only 6 songs long) and the fact there’s a visible cut between each song jars it slightly. The Phenomanauts are fun if you like hoe-downs & space exploration and the idea of the set is sterling, I guess I just wanted more. 3/5 Neil Boulton 31 October 2005 Corpse Bride Director: Tim Burton & Mike Johnson Starrring: Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Emily Watson, Tracy Ullman, Paul Whitehouse, Joanna Lumley, Albert Finney, Richard E. Grant, Christopher Lee, ahh the list is endless! I had been waiting for this film for months and months, and after what was a mightily disturbing first offering from Tim Burton this year in the form of ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’, I was looking forward to delving back into his wonderfully dark imagery and fantastic animation. Johnny Depp voices the timid Victor Van Dort who is about to be married to Victoria Everglot (Emily Watson), whom he falls in love with on first meeting. After a rocky wedding rehearsal, he goes into the woods to practise his vows and accidentally says them to what he thinks is a stick, but is really a dead woman, hence the ‘Corpse Bride’ bit. Obviously he’s less than thrilled, and it all goes on from there. ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’ was the benchmark here, being of a similar genre for kids and adults (but mainly adults). Unfortunately for most, it just doesn’t have the same pizzazz that Nightmare did, and has a rather sudden ending. But, though it might not have the best plotline in the entire world, everything about the film including the all-star cast, the imagery, the music, to the incredible, painstaking animation (they even animated the characters playing the piano properly! Alas, there were a few errors! Sorry I’ll stop being a Music geek now) all come together to create a wonderfully dark, Tim Burtonian world yet again. I loved it, and if you like the gentle darkness that is his films, you will definitely like this. 4/5 Nicole Heel DOMINO Director: Tony Scott Starring: Keira Knightley, Mickey Rourke, Edgar Ramirez, Christopher Walken, Lucy Liu This film neither blew me away nor had me wondering why I had just spent £4.20 to see it. Domino is loosely…. very loosely based on the true story of Domino Harvey (played by Keira Knightley), model daughter of actor Laurence Harvey, turned bounty hunter. After getting expelled from college as a result of some less-than-lady-like behaviour – breaking another girl’s nose – she dabbles with the cat walk until leaving to join her new family, bountyhunting team Ed (Mickey Rourke) and Choco (Edgar Ramirez). The plot line jumps about, helping to unravel the twists in the story where there are a few unfortunate misunderstandings plunging them into trouble with the mob. It’s not too long before the bounty hunting team are approached by a TV executive (Christopher Walken) to star in their own TV reality show with hosts ex-Beverly Hills 90210ers Brian Austin Green and Ian Ziering (playing themselves), who are highly amusing. Surprisingly, Keira Knightley wasn‘t too bad as Domino. She definitely had the look for it, and if you ignore her annoyingly posh and slightly miscast accent she just about manages to pull off being hard enough to be a bounty hunter. So if you enjoy guns, gangs, occasional violence, sex and girls who can kick ass, Tony Scott’s Domino is the film for you. 3/5 Vanessa Favali 31 October 2005 THEATRE/ARTS LES MISERABLES Queen’s Theatre 15th October 2005 17 ARTS EVENTS 31ST OCTOBER – 13TH NOVEMBER Yes, I know this has been running since 1985 and you’ve probably all seen it but I thought it perhaps needed an up-to-date review, and also we didn’t have anything else for the Theatre section this week. Hmmm…. not much going on this week! A week after Les Miserables was 20 years old I went to see this must-see musical, having never ever viewed it. It’s one of those musicals you always sang songs from in school choirs but never actually saw it unless your parents/school felt like taking you to see it. Finally my parents did feel like taking me to see it, and what a time it was! For those of you who don’t like musicals, I can understand why. All those Oklahoma-esque hoedowns get to me too. But this is more than just a musical; it’s the study of how futile life can be, of love, of sorrow. It’s the heart-wrenching tale of a man, never quite at one with life because of his past, and this is brought to the audience through Michel Schönberg’s beautiful, evocative music and lyrics by Alain Boublil. I didn’t stop crying the entire time. The amazing thing is, this musical was originally staged in Paris in French in 1980, and then translated to English in 1985, yet the famous lyrics known today are seamless and fit to a tee. John Owen-Jones was wonderful as Jean Valjean. His tenor voice wasn’t showy or slimy, and the grief Valjean felt was always present in his tone; the famous number, ‘Bring Him Home’ was one of the most beautiful things I have ever heard. There were also some brilliant performances from Cornell John as Javert and Shonagh Daly as Eponine. If you have never seen this before I urge you to go see it now. It is perhaps one of the masterpieces of the 20th century. 5/5 Nicole Heel Student Composers Concert: November 2nd, 7.30pm in PATS. Wednesday lunchtime concerts: November 2nd & 9th, 1.10pm in PATS For more information on Arts Events at the uni and in Guildford go to: http://portal.surrey.ac.uk/artsoffice Nicole Heel Ooooo... A Concert Review! Sam Carney shares with us his experience of The Coral at Brixton Academy. THE CORAL Brixton Academy Thursday 20th October I was excited at the prospect of seeing The Coral again after seeing them play an awesome set at this year’s Reading Festival. I got to Brixton Academy for around 7pm, when the doors opened, and was a little taken back by there being no queue, seeing as The Coral are pretty well known now, having been around a few years and having now released their fourth album ‘Invisible Invasion’. Although, I was glad to get inside because it was pissing it down outside! The support band, Shack were alright. They had a sort of Coral/Zutons vibe, but with a soulful female vocalist, which didn’t seem to work out all that well. Then we were treated to an unannounced support band, whose name I couldn’t make out due to their heavy Scouse accents. That said, they weren’t half bad, sort of a cross between David Gray and the Beatles, with Mark Knopfler- (Dire Straits) sounding bluesy guitar solos. The Coral hit the stage at half nine, the venue packed by now, maybe missing support bands is the new Indie fashion? They played a great, well executed set of songs from their debut, ‘The Coral’ right through to their latest offering. The set included current Coral classics, ‘Pass It On’ and ‘In the Morning’. I recommend any Coral fans to go and see them live, it’s well worth the money. For those who know little about The Coral, I would describe them as an Indie band where the words “try and be more experimental” is their motto rather than record label advice. Fancy reviewing CDs, films, gigs, literature, etc. for barefacts? Get in touch with the Arts section Editors: [email protected] PERSONALS - In-jokes, get your in-jokes here! Get ‘em while they’re irrelevant! Email personals to [email protected] I bought this car to drive to work, I go to work to pay for this car... Tally ho! BARF! BARF! Everybody loves Raymond!! Ooooh! I think I’ve got Goosebumps! I did it for the first time on Friday. It was amazing! Who’d have thought it... Rachel Stevens on a gay night! Who is sexier? Richard or Kate? Welcome to the friary house mayhem, Nicoli! Laura, your faithful following of men have missed you terribly. When will you let us see you again, so we can ‘hang’ out? Who stole my milk? Why are there goat droppings in my bed? Why does your bottom taste of parsnips? the ‘end of the day show’ monday to friday 5.00pm till 7.00pm on 1350am GU2. win a meal for 2 at farrenheit 55! listen online: www.gu2.co.uk the dark lord will rise again Wonted for stoodent noospapa: Sum won hoo can ackshually spell and rite grammatickally correkt. hot n’ horny and ready to roll. H Reg ford fiesta. broken fan, custom horn and loose suspension. been around the block a few times. previously used to ferry students, so everyone’s had a ride. call (insert random number here, but not mine!!!) and i’ll quote you a price. I slept with Tom Wood, but he didnt follow through this time...... Dom, I’m sick of you texting me telling me you want my bum. Just come out, or keep quiet! I’ve got skills, but you still ignore them! Take that Mark. There was a young girl from Eeling Who had a peculiar feeling She fell on her back And opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling Any personals? [email protected] 18 FASHION 31 October 2005 Fashion Rocks The fashion gurus of barefacts give us a glimpse of the very fabulous “Fashion Rocks”. Mariah Carey, Victoria Beckham... what more could you want? Enough delightful frocks to make even Kemal scream in delight. Swarovski’s ‘Fashion Rocks’ came out of the oven baking hot, made with ingredients of internationally known superstars, models and designers, decorated not with icing, but with five tonnes of Swarovski crystals lining the catwalk! This gathering of celebrities and established designers was all in aid of supporting Prince Charles’ Charity, The Prince’s Trust. The event was hosted by Jeremy Irons and Jerry Hall, whose costume changes totalled an amazing thirteen! Proving she is still a force to be reckoned with at the age of 54, compared to all the young models that graced the stage that night. The collections were lavished with vibrant colours, loose materials, bold patterns and classically sophisticated designs; models looked elegant, luscious and totally hot and sexy. Oozing the ‘OH MY GOD!!! factor’, designs were nothing short of spectacular. Clothes were cut in less than obvious ways, off the shoulder, with deep V’s slit down to the navel. A more classic design was the backless dress, beautiful and exquisite revealing just that little bit of flesh, showing that a little bit of back is more effective than a double DD cleavage any day! (Take note Jodie Marsh!) “Go on... put one in my hand...” Some of the A-listers present at the event included Victoria Beckham, Blondie, Usher and Amerie to name but a few. Models negotiated the runway wearing designer pieces, strutting to the sounds of each renowned designers chosen artist. Pairs included Versace and Mariah, Amerie and Georgio Armani, Lee Ryan and D&G, Alexander McQueen and Skin as well as Calvin Klein and Craig David. It was under no dispute however, that Mariah Carey and Donatella Versace stole the show. Mariah sang her hit ‘We Belong Together’, a perfect choice, as on the night the pair really did! An unreal and stunning collection from Donatella was undoubtedly the dogs bol**cks!! The main theme of the night seemed to be ball gowns, black or white; with feathers and frosting running through the various collections. However Viktor & Rolf’s ensemble of ‘pillow head-dresses and duvet gowns’ had to be the most ridiculous and bizarro creation of the night. Roberto Cavalli’s show on the other hand was unique and interesting; his models posed against a piano and in two giant photo frames at the front of the stage. However, it has to be said that the catwalk was overrun by those dangerously stick-thin models, which unquestionably lacked shape and desirability. What can we say, we think us laydeez look better with curves!! Overall, the event was imaginative, nothing short of amazing, with designers and musicians coming together purely to support the Prince’s Trust making it a ‘right royal knees-up’!! ‘The event aimed to raise vital funds for youth charity The Prince’s Trust, which helps100 more young people every day turn their lives around. Fore more information visit www.princes-trust. org.uk or call 0800 842 842.’ Pictures courtesy of ‘The Prince’s Trust via Getty Images’. “What? Sing?! Don’t be stupid!” 31 October 2005 PG Tips PG TIPS 19 barefacts very own postgraduate-centric area... full of things to do with postgraduates. I think that’s all the explanation that’s needed. Pages collated by: Lisa Ahmed T H E N AT I O N A L P O S T G R A D U AT E C O M M I T T E E In the past ten years, postgraduate education in the UK has become a major international market with over 400,000 students. Although the postgraduate community may have increased in size, support structures, representation and identity for postgraduates has not grown at the same time. Therefore, the National Postgraduate Committee (NPC) constituted in 1992 set about to tackle the many issues on board that have since come about. We are the only organisation in the UK run by postgraduates in the interests of postgraduates including both taught and research. Mission Statement Our mission is to advance, in the public interest, the education of postgraduate students within the United Kingdom. We shall achieve this by democratically representing postgraduates, contributing to discussions, supporting postgraduate representatives and facilitating communication between stakeholders. Our vision is a postgraduate education system where: • Applicants are assessed by their ability to learn not their ability to pay; • Learning and research takes place in an environment which promotes and sustains equality of opportunity; and • Adequate financial, intellectual, pastoral and social support mechanisms are provided. Realising this vision would enable the individual student to maximise their own potential to the benefit of themselves, academic knowledge, the economy and society as a whole. About NPC: Although being in existence over ten years, the NPC became a registered charity following the approval of the new constitution at the 2002 annual conference. This will be of great benefit since financial support to the NPC will go further towards directly supporting postgraduates. There are two main sources of funding for NPC being affiliations from student representative bodies and individual donations. The committee itself is made up of delegates from affiliated institutions and recognised bodies who will approve the decisions and policies of NPC that are implemented by the Management Sub Committee (MSC), which is otherwise known as the executive. The NPC is an independent body that is not politically aligned. NPC has been in close communication with education funding bodies and the government on pertinent issues concerning postgraduate education. Such bodies include the funding councils, research councils, QAA, UUK, SCoP amongst others. A great deal is also communicated to postgraduates via our online resources and also our services in the restricted web area open to affiliates. A range of information is available for prospective postgraduates through to The Journal of Graduate Education, which is owned by the NPC. A number of bodies are associated with the NPC to work together on postgraduate issues where there is common interest, most notably the UK Council for Graduate Education (UKCGE). NPC also has three recognised bodies at present being the National Union of Students (NUS), the Mature Students’ Union (MSU), the Council for International Students (CIS) and the Coalition for Higher Education Students in Scotland (CHESS). These four bodies are entitled to send one delegate member to vote and also submit motions that have mutual interest. The arrangement is normally reciprocal so NPC can also send a representative to those organisations. NPC Activities: The majority of NPC’s work is conducted by the General Secretary who is employed full time. This involves being a contact point for NPC, dealing with administration and assisting the rest of the executive in compiling publications, seeking information and attending events that are of interest to postgraduates. The executive includes a chair, treasurer, equal opportunities officer and four project officers who take on specific projects pertinent to current postgraduate issues. There are also sub committees operating within Scotland and Wales each with respective a respective chair that reports to the executive. As well as campaigning for postgraduate interests nationally, the NPC offers support to student representative bodies regarding postgraduates where appropriate. Such support includes advice on postgraduate complaints and appeals, postgraduate representation and a national level interactive forum. Further Information: Further information can be obtained from the General Secretary on [email protected]. Also on the website it is possible to sign up to the NPC’s mailing lists. Up to date information is delivered through the NPC, NPC Wales and NPC Scotland lists by occasional emails. Further to this, there is a Postgrad mailing list available for postgraduate related discussions. PGA Quiz Results 20-October-05 Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the second PGA Pub Quiz and Curry of October took place just the other day, and yet again, it was quite an adventure. Lead by the Unparalleled Sages of Academia, with inputs from the Union and our sexy French barmaid, players battled for the genius title in areas such as Geography, Nutrition, and Animals. But, like in all great battles for knowledge and independence, there can be only one clear winner… and this week, the crown goes to Everybody Wants Bex, who’s team somehow managed the highest score in the Nutrition round with 4 out of 10! Imagine that! Their 38 points allowed them to split 3 bottles of Champaign (or maybe it was sparkling wine…). Then, in a very close second with 37 points, A Bird in the Hand is Better than One Overhead received their quiz payment back. And, receiving a hearty round of applause, Jean Genies took third with 32 points. If only Steve wasn’t so late, maybe Steve is Late would have been able to make up that single point to bring them in for the third place tie… but alas, not so much…. Thanks to all the teams for playing! Fun, as always, was had by all. Next Quiz – 17-November-05 Following our 3rd Thursday of the month PGA Quiz Tradition, our next quiz will be on the 17th of November, starting at 7:30pm in Wates House. This time, we’ve got 4 weeks off between quizzes (yes, I know, what ever will we all do with our Thursday nights now??) so that gives you plenty of time to sort out your teams for the next big event. Don’t forget to mark your calendars! It only costs a £1 per person and a heaping plate of curry is only a £1.50 more! Hope to see you there! For more information, details, and whatnot, check out www.pgasurrey.co.uk. So You Wanna Be A Quizmaster?? Do you think you have what it takes to be a quizmaster? Or would you rather just put together a round or two and let someone else stand up with the microphone and make a fool out of himself? Well, look no further… here’s your chance! Just drop a note to [email protected] and let Lisa know that you’re interested in giving it a go (not affiliated with USSU’s Give it a Go programme). 20 COMMERCIAL BREAK! 31 October 2005 SOCIETIES 31 October 2005 21 Surrey Dance Squad “ Hiya! Today I was asked to write a lil blurb for Barefacts highlighting the immense greatness of Surrey Dance Squad. Unfortunately my talent for writing extends as far as an ‘I woz ere’ on the toilet cubicle wall. Therefore please bear with me, as I try to publicise one of the best societies Surrey has to offer. Last year, we performed regularly on the Rubix stage at nights such as School Disco and Fetish. We represented Surrey Uni at an NUS conference in Liverpool and in the summer we enjoyed an all expenses paid trip to Newquay where some damage was caused during failed attempts at surfing...We managed to raise loads of money for charity, including TsunamiAID, Cancer Research UK, Comic Relief and Children in Need. We participated in two world record attempts, 1 for mass aerobics and 1 for biggest ever pillow fight, ouch! So far this year you may have seen us at the Flirt Beach Party, Cyclone Dance Night and a Breast Cancer Cake Sale, but this is only the beginning.... It’s not too late to join!!! We have fun-filled socials alongside trying a different dance style every week. So far we’ve had workshops in pop, street and hip hop. Wednesday 2nd November we have a professional Salsa instructor teaching a beginners salsa class. Everyone is welcome, no matter if you have two left feet, a penchant for Take That (yes they are great!) or love moonwalking in a Michael Jackson stylee. Come along and join in! We meet every Wednesday 1-2:30pm Rubix Dancefloor. Cu there! The Surrey Dance Squad At Flirt! in Rubix GU2 Laid Bare Hopefully you’re aware that Surrey has a Student Newspaper. If you’re not you might want to check what you think you’re reading! Hopefully by the end of this you’ll also be aware that Surrey has a student radio station; called GU2, that can be heard all over campus and over the internet. This is just a quick guide to who we are, what we’re about, and how you can get involved. Who We Are Firstly GU2 is not just a building, a studio, an antenna. It’s students. It’s made by students for you, the students of the university. This means that we are the most relevant radio station to your life and experiences here at Surrey. When you think about it, who knows what students like to listen to, and who is most in touch with the issues effecting students? Other students! We’re always in touch with what’s going on, on and around campus, because we’re in the middle of it ourselves. Whether it’s music, chat, news or comedy, we’ll keep you entertained 24/7. ‘Your Music. Your Station.’ really does reflect reality at GU2. We broadcast a wide variety of music, both during the day and in the evening when we let a wide range of specialist DJs loose on the airwaves. Our specialist shows range from dance, to urban, to Greek, to rock, and many more. Keep up to date with the latest news and events from around campus with Barefacts Live. We also have a weekly comedy sketch show and broadcast business seminars. At GU2 we really do cater for all. How To Find Us ‘Now I’ve been told all this, how do I find you?’ I hear you ask. You can find us on 1350am (its the same as mw on some radios). We’re also online at www.gu2.co.uk, where you’ll find a comprensive web-site and the facility to listen live in glorious stereo. Physically we’re below Battersea Court reception (below the BIG GU2 banner). So pop down and catch us making radio (ok, we’ll be watching Neighbours). Or catch us at an outside broadcast, we could turn up anywhere; Chancellors, Rubix, the Friary, the lake (actually next to the lake, we haven’t mastered walking on water yet). Alternatively you could come along to Lecture Theatre G on Thursdays at 6.15, where we have our weekly meetings. everything you need need to get on air with full training in the technical, musical and content aspects of being a radio presenter. How To Get Involved GU2 is run by students, and as such we need fresh blood, sorry, new members all the time to keep the station running. When most people think of radio they think of presenters on air, but at GU2 we offer much more than that. Ever wanted to control the music played on the station? Well you can. Want to keep you fellow students in the know by writing and presenting the news? Well you can. Want to take things apart? Well you can, as long as they work once you’ve put them back together again. Want to promote the station, and even write this article? Go ahead! You may never want to speak into a microphone during your time at GU2, but your contribution will be just as valuable (and probably more intelligable!) But if you want to be the next Christain O’Connell, Chris Evans, Chris Tarrant, or Chris Moyles (must be some famous radio presenters out there not called Chris?!), we have PhotoSoc GU2 Events Since the start of term GU2 has brought you 1Xtra on GU2, outside broadcasts from Channies and the Fresher’s Fair. The chance to se Guildford Heat basketball team for free, free tickets for the cinema, and Flirt and Citrus. We’ve also given away three meals at Farenheight 55, with many more to come. To see what’s comming up on GU2 go to www.gu2.co.uk, or listen every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 6pm for Barefacts Live. Keep reading Barefacts to find out more about ‘Your Music. Your Station GU2’, including show and presenter profiles and a schedule. Get involved with GU2. For more information go to www.gu2.co.uk PhotoSoc is USSU’s Photography Society whose aim to allow members to develop their interest in Photography. Our diverse membership includes students from across the university, from freshers to postgrads. Unlike some societies, we do not meet every week so you can be a member without committing a large amount of time. Activities last year included: • Basic Photography Course • Darkroom Training (Darkroom in union) • Portrait Session • Slide Show • Night Time Photography Walk Meetings are normally on a Thursday where we discuss and organise what activities people would like to do during the semester, the first one coming soon. Hopefully the AGM will be next month also. If anyone would like to be notified of any meetings or for other information contact Sarah at [email protected] or photosoc@surrey. ac.uk and we will be in contact soon. Sarah (PhotoSoc Secretary) PUZZLES 22 31 October 2005 Colin Everett, our very own puzzle-lord has crafted more things for you to do during that boring lecture. You’ll get the answer to the crossword next week (So you can’t cheat anymore... don’t pretend that you didn’t). The answers, as always, are on page 24 (The back one). Clues Across: 1) Feast. (4,2) 5) See 22dn. 9) and 21dn and 8dn. UK-wide body representing young people whose former presidents include Charles Clarke, Stephen Twigg and Jack Straw. (8,5,2,8) 10) Non-violence. (6) 11) Occurring at exactly the same time. (12) 13) Ball-point pen. (4) 14) Bishop caught in broken lens in used evil. (Cryptic) (9) 17) Do these dogs store water? (9) 18) Timetable for propellor, I hear. (Cryptic) (4) 20) Containers capable of maintaining the temperature of their contents for long periods of time. (6,6) 23) This officer sounds more effervescent. (Cryptic) (6) 24) Cosmetic Accessory used to shape and smooth nails. (8) 25) Large bags filled with small pellets for sitting on. (8) 26) For example: Andromeda, Large Magellanic Cloud and Pegasus Dwarf. (6) Clues Down: 2) Birthstone associated with October. (4) 3) Frozen precipitate. (9) 4) Central American country, bordering Costa Rica and Colombia. (6) 5) Atlantic Islands, capital Stanley. (8,7) 6) Legible. (8) 7) Human waste expelled through the urethra. (5) 8) See 9ac. 12) Open up (Especially a market to trading). (10) 15) Distressing; Tense. (9) 16) Traditional Catholic prayer to the mother of Jesus Christ. (3,5) 19) Enquiring. (6) 21) See 9ac. 22) and 5ac. Manager of UEFA Champion’s League winners 1999. (4,8) 62 61 72 65 66 61 63 74 73 20 6C 6F 76 65 73 20 79 6F 75 20 74 6F 6F SU DOKU THE MODERATELY FREAKIN’ MAZE Due to a sucession of ‘Yay’s into the barefacts e-mail account we can do nothing but oblige and welcome back the lyrics quiz permanantely. Here are some lines from some songs, your task is to simply identify which songs they came from. 1. Her hair reminds me of a warm safe place, where as a child I’d hide 2. And there’s a taste in my mouth, as desperation takes hold 3. From the Queen of England to the hounds of hell 4. Dirty old river, must you keep rolling, flowing into the night 5. Girls run around with no clothes on, to borrow a pound for a condom 6. I met a gin soaked, bar-room queen in Memphis, she tried to take me upstairs for a ride 7. Two lovers kissing at the scream of midnight, two lovers missing the tranquility of solitude 8. You know you talk so hip man, you’re twistin’ my melon man 9. Life is white, and I am black. Jesus and his lawyer, are coming back 10. And that sweet city woman, she moves through the light 6E 6F 74 20 61 20 68 69 64 64 65 6E 20 6D 65 73 73 61 67 65 barefacts Lyrics Quiz 6E 6F 74 20 61 20 68 69 64 64 65 6E 20 6D 65 73 73 61 67 65 Place numbers in the empty boxes so you have numbers 1-9 in each row & coloum, and 1-9 in each 3x3 square. Duh. Sorry.. ‘Duh’ is a mean thing to say 31 October 2005 Horoscopes/Literature 23 Literature You’d have thought we’d lump this with the arts section, but not today! Instead of hearing about what we think of published literature, have a gander at our own creative attempts. Compliments/complaints/sonnets to [email protected] The man with no tongue My wife, a horse My wife, a horse, once said to me, “I want to go away! I want to go where I’ll be free! I can’t – I will not – stay!” “My dear,” said I, in swift reply, “I thought you liked our flat. It’s big and warm and safe and dry. Why should we leave all that?” With equine love she neighed, “My sweet, The flat is nice indeed. But as a horse I’m incomplete Until I have been freed.” “Then we must leave,” I said apace, “Although it’s with remorse That I depart our cosy place To roam as man and horse.” Women By Prashant Butani why describe a woman as soft and tender why say the she is weak and defend her the women i have known and continue to love why call them frail angels sent from heaven above the women i have known get angry and scream they hit hard and can rip you at the seam the can bear the brunt of falling skies so why say then that the woman always cries have the life of a loved one suddenly taken away or an unimaginable adultery that emerges one day not just survive past this everyday pyre but kindle the ambition, burns even that fire why do men feel their work is of more worth how macho is a man who cant even watch childbirth the promoters of the proverbial bread winner myth who cannot even cook gravy to eat the dry bread with open your eyes to the hands that soothe your soul try not to believe that you play a greater role my grand mothers and the way the worked to take care that never the pinch of everyday chores we ever had to bear my mother and the fact that i am a part of her still lessons taught, wars fought and worry she always will my sister and the wise cracks we bouce off another never will she know im proud to be her brother my friends and their comfort and peace they bring never fail to make me laugh, or make my heart sing my love the woman that i want to pamper today she is my reason to be, and nothing more to say these women, whom one might think as women just have roots in compassion and their strength comes from trust they have made me who i am and who i one day will be i live for them for they live for me [email protected] There was a man who wanted desperately to become a great public speaker. But he had no tongue. Consequently when he tried to give speeches people just laughed at him and he felt very sad. Sometimes he also felt angry, and on one such occasion he vowed that he would not only find a tongue for himself but would use it to savagely berate those who had mocked him. It was autumn, so he began his quest by searching amongst the fallen leaves for a tongue-shaped one. Having found such a leaf he put it in his mouth and, to test its effectiveness, started chatting to a passer-by. But a gust of wind blew out the leaf and the passer-by ran off. He realised that he needed something heavier. He went home, sawed one of the taps off the kitchen sink, and hammered it into the shape of an enormous tongue. Then he put it in his mouth and went outside. He walked up to a little old lady with a handbag and attempted to converse with her. But because his huge new metal tongue stuck right out the little old lady believed that he was pulling rude faces at her. She whacked him round the head with her handbag. His tongue plopped out and the lady hurried away. He decided to make a wooden tongue. He sawed off part of the chair he was sitting on and then fashioned this bit into the right shape. Having put it in his mouth he picked up the phone and rang his mother to see how well he could now be understood. It turned out that she could understand him very well. After the phone call he felt really satisfied with himself and thought that he would have a cigarette as a reward. But when he lit up and commenced puffing, his new tongue caught fire and he had to spit it out. He stomped on it to extinguish the fire. This did indeed extinguish the fire but it also smashed his tongue to smithereens. He burst into tears, realising that he needed a less flammable option. shopping and tested his new organ on unsuspecting female till operators. Most were shocked, though not through a misunderstanding of his words – he was in fact perfectly eloquent – but through the translucent nature of his organ. Perceiving this, he went home, took out his tongue, and painted it the appropriate colour. When the paint was dry he placed it back in and, feeling confi speech about his struggle to become a great public speaker. He recognised some of those who had previously mocked him and he upbraided them in no uncertain terms. Crowds flocked to him and were mesmerised by his performance. They hung on his every word. And so, staring proudly round and about himself, he revelled in the fulfilment of his dream. What’s your star sign? Last week you wanted more! However, despite the fact that our predictions actually came true for some people, we thought we’d allow somebody else to do it this week. Chat up lines for the desperate... use with caution! Aries person I’m going to marry. Sagittarius I’m on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler? Leo Hi, I’m writing a paper on the finer things in life. Can I interview you? Taurus I just had to come talk with you. Sweetness is my weakness. Gemini Do you have any overdue library books? ‘Cause you’ve got the word “fine” written all over. Cancer Can I borrow twenty pence? I want to call my mum and tell her I just met the Is it hot in here, or is it just me? Virgo Baby, you must be a broom, ‘cause you just swept me off my feet. Libra If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I’d be walking through my garden forever. Scorpio Your place or mine? Capricorn Have you always been this cute, or did you have to work at it? Aquarius You’re hot. You must be the reason for global warming. Pisces Are you as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside? NOT SPORT 24 31 October 2005 We’re going to put this bluntly - There’s no sport. Simple as that. So the ‘Sports’ page is now the ‘Not Sports’ page. Would you rather it wasn’t a ‘Not Sports’ page, send your Surrey Sports team based news to [email protected]. Step One: You walk around Guildford at 3 in the morning singing “Do you know the way to Amarillo” or some other noxious pop ditty. Step Two: Complaints are made about the noise. Step Three: Rubix gets its license taken away. Yep, that’s Real Life SSHH! Horror Stories If you were out at Rubix on Friday the 14th of October you attended the launch night of the Students’ Union’s new SSHH! Campaign. If you’re having trouble remembering that far into the past it was the Pyjama party night. The SSHH! Campaign sets out to encourage students to keep the noise down when walking home after a night out in Rubix or the town (The campaign has gained the support of Guildford Borough Council). You may also remember a large number of blue SSHH! Bed Bugs being given out on the night. Happy people positioned these little blue fluff-balls on their shoulders, face and various extremities - some even arranged on the general nipple area (A rather popular option it would seem). Most people enjoyed the launch though one questioned kept being uttered by the student mass. “Why should I care about being noisy?” in fact one student went so far as to say that it was them that walked home at night singing “Do you know the way to Amarillo” in the small hours. So today we’re going to answer that important question: “Why should I care about being noisy?” The noise you make on the way home could have disastrous repercussions... a little bit like the old adage that a butterfly flapping its wings in one country could cause a hurricane somewhere else. You flap your mouth on the way home and a number of the things you enjoy could be destroyed. Those of you studying maths will know this as chaos theory. right. No more union run nightclub. Those of you thinking that this sort of thing couldn’t happen should think again – It’s just happened to Southampton’s Students’ Union. Due to noise complaints they’ve had their licence affected. They can only stay open until 1am & last entry is at 22:30 (i.e. no-one is allowed in to the building after 22:30) – They’re currently appealing their case with their local council. So noisy students could cause our nightclub to cease it’s ability to be a nightclub. Step Four: No money for sports clubs or societies. For those of you who don’t know the Students’ Union gets a sum of money given to it by the University called a subvention. The subvention alone isn’t enough for the union to provide all the societies, sports clubs, media and welfare services. Money made at the nightclub goes solely towards students’ union activities, so all the money you spent on a night out in Rubix will all eventually make it back to you. No Rubix means less money... which means no money for fun things like sports clubs & societies – and no money for important things like welfare services. Step Five: No fun. This is the big picture really... with no night club & activities there’d be very few fun things to do on campus. Thus making Surrey a thoroughly boring and desolate place to study. Summation: You sing on the way home, you might make Surrey a boring desolate place to study. Was that chorus of ‘Amarillo’ worth it? Neil Boulton NO SSHH! MEANS NO FUN! Happy Rubix People With SSHH!-o-rabilia! Notice the lack of noise they’re making... PUZZLE ANSWERS: READ UNDER ADVISEMENT Answers to Crossword in Issue 1092: Across: 1. Rupee 4. Candidate 9. Ill 10. Bra 11. Papered 12. Save 13. Brainstorm 15. Dirge 16.Nullifier 17. Negotiate 21. Laugh 23. Evangelist 24. Cyst 27. Indiana 28. Eke 29. Sod 30. Number Ten 31. Tasty Down: 1. Ruins 2. Palaver 3. Elba 4. Chagrin 5. Nuptial 6. Impossible 7. Apriori 8. Endomorph 14. Centigrade 15. Dandelion 18. Grandam 19. At least 20. Eastern 22. Ulysses 25. Today 26. Rest Want to do more? Want to write an article? Just e-mail it to barefacts@ussu. co.uk Want to get more involved than that? Weekly meetings at 13:30 in the Students’ Union Committee Room. Nothing to do with SSHH! at all - Hi Grandma! This edition of barefacts was brought to you by the letter ‘D’, the number ‘5’ and a selection of motivated individuals. The next all highly adsorbant edition of barefacts will hit the (small) kiosks Monday 14th November. Get those articles/reviews/ obscene phone calls in now! You could always submit a personal (in-joke) to [email protected]