YourLife - Philly Fit

publisher’s page
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Have you “friended”
someone lately or have
you been blocked?
Well, we made it through another winter; eh, I
guess you could call it that? Flowers are now in
bloom, the weather warm, and the sun shining.
Many of us have been pushin’ on with our workouts, getting our bods beach-ready. At this point,
you probably have your routine down pat - good
for you! Besides toning up my derriere, for me,
this time of year has always been about renewal
– doing what I can to create a better version of
myself. With renewal comes reflection. It can be
hard to try to move forward without looking back.
Introspection allows you to really evaluate various finite aspects of your moral DNA, shedding
light on your proud moments, and exposing
some of your character blemishes – but in the
end growth prevails.
In this issue, I have chosen to reflect on friendship –
kind of a difficult topic for me to be immersed in
because I am harboring a ton of regret at the moment.
I’m sure most of you can relate. Believe it or not, I’m
actually a bit shy and tend to keep to myself. However,
8 I PhillyFIT
May/June I 215-396-0268 I www.phillyfitmagazine.com
Photo by Joe Chielli, Church Street Studios
What the Dwell?
I’m truly lucky to have had a great group of people who have supported me in my time of need (and there’s been quite of few of
those times surrounding me at every jagged corner). Once in a
while I go through these phases where I somewhat shut down. I
carry on with my daily activities, but I’m emotionally unavailable,
not really embracing all that life has to offer – one of those things
being new and old friendships (think autopilot times 1,000). I
become reclusive and take solace in my personal time to do some
thinking, or more like dwelling. I get so wrapped up with comprehending all the negative things that have hurt myself and my family in the past that it disables me from being optimistic. Recently, I
went through one of my “phases,” and luckily someone was there
to let me know I was slipping backwards, not forwards.
Gettin’ An “F” in Friendship
So my wake up call came in the form of an email from a near and
dear friend that I’ve been remorsefully neglecting. My friend
Lisa’s email was not meant to guilt trip me, or to put any type of
pressure on me whatsoever, but it totally opened my eyes. Lisa
wrote to me letting me know that she missed me, and that putting
in just a few minutes of effort here or there would keep our friendship stable. She also informed me that her mother was in the hospital, in serious condition. Then it hit me like a sack of potatoes,
I’ve been failing at our friendship. Lisa, one of my greatest cheerleaders, needed me, I thought, but I was unable to give her anything, not even a quick text. File it under one of Jami’s not-soproud moments. There, staring at my monitor, my face turned
warm and red, for I not only failed her, I failed myself.
It’s not just Lisa that I’ve been disregarding, but Dana, Donna –
admittedly all of my friends really. My buddies, the ones that have
been by my side through all my ups and way, way downs, and
here I am acting as if I don’t care about them. But I do. I really,
really do! It’s not that I have been intentionally avoiding those that
have always been there for me, I just have been busy hiding under
my “healing rock,” shielding myself away from the world. I feel
like lately I’ve been wearing my own personal “Do Not Disturb”
sign. And guess what? It’s not freakin’ fair to my friends. And to
be quite honest, acting the way I’ve been acting, and alienating
myself from the outside world makes me look like a selfish you
know what, in a bubble. Am I really too preoccupied to shoot an
email, or call just to say, “Hello, how ya doin’?” Nearly 200 million of the 600 million users on Facebook are considered inactive.
In real life, it’s the same thing – my life has become a wasteland
of abandoned friends and none of us were checking in with each
other.
So what’s up with me? Really? Why now? I have never behaved
this way before when it came to friendship, but here I am at fortysix secluding myself. I’m the same chick that used to spend every
spare second with her girlfriends, having sleepovers (even as an
adult, they’d just bring their kids and we’d all stay up all night!),
partying, enjoying life, clinking glasses, laughing till 3 am and
then getting up and doing it all over again.
Earmuffs in June – Ugh.
Right now my life revolves around running PhillyFIT, having a
family, but much to my surprise, still dealing with numbing
painful struggles. My mind gets sucked into a vortex of worry,
woe and why. I’ve been thrown an awful lot of curveballs (almost
movie-like material) over the past few years. I’m still trying to
rebuild myself – and my family too. Do I ever get a couple minutes of “me” time? Yeah, I do, but that’s my quiet time, my time to
just chill. I’m tired, both physically and mentally. Even when I try
my best to put my body in park, my mind is still trucking on. I’m
thinking without even knowing it, my brain organizing mental todo lists. So, even when I think I’m relaxing, I’m really not. It’s
emotionally taxing. I feel like I’m always trying to do my best at
something - being the best publisher, being the best mother, etc. I
fear if I add anything else to my plate, I’ll begin dropping the ball
in one way or another. I know what you’re thinking, “Jami is
obsessing a bit too much.” Believe me, I’m aware of my flaws; I
just can’t seem to change. This leopard’s spots are seemingly permanent. At mid-life, changing my ways is daunting and honestly
hard as hell. That’s the thing though – friends, good friends, don’t
care about your spots – and they help you remember why you
became friends in the first place.
“A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to
the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world” (Lois Wyse).
I believe in this quote. But I also believe that maybe sometimes
when we are hiding out, having our “quiet” time, we don’t want a
reminder of life’s unpleasant happenings. We don’t want to reach
out and touch base with friends. During that time we want to do
everything in our power to tune out life’s “noise.”
In my defense, I’ve proactively elected to cope with my heartbreaks by wearing imaginative earmuffs. I have chosen to become
this way simply because I am crippled to offer my ear to anyone
who has a problem, totally not the Jami I once knew and was
proud of. I am scared that if I have to feel any more grief (even if
not my own) I may just erupt like a volcano and completely lose
my cool – or worse, fall into a depressive pit of despair. Not fair
though, huh? I want all of my friends to be there for me when I
need them, but I’ve just realized I have not been able to return the
favor. Ya know, now that I am taking a step back from the situation, maybe I’m putting too much pressure on myself. Maybe my
dear friends just want me to check in, catch up, and if they have an
issue they’re dealing with, maybe they just want to vent and they
don’t expect me to solve their problems. Can I at least handle that?
Yeah, I know I can. Get real Jame! And I think I owe it to them to
at least try. I remember once upon a time, back in the day, I always
used to feel better when I stopped worrying about my own struggles and lent support to a friend in need.
A Beginning, A Middle and A Friend
Friends provide you with your own no cost support group. Letting
you talk things out, helping you see the brighter side, reminding
you of your value – that is what friends are for. Especially when
you are going through a crisis of some sort (big or small). Your
May/June I 215-396-0268 I www.phillyfitmagazine.com
PhillyFIT I 9
body! I must say that when I am down in the dumps and feeling
slightly nuts, fitness helps get me back on track. Plain ole’ exercise
provides me with a sense of much-needed control. It makes me
feel good and gives me strength physically and mentally.
Something as simple as hittin’ the gym may be the prescription
everyone needs to help improve his or her balance, focus and confidence. Actually, I know it is! My girl Donna has this mastered, I
think of her dedication and it inspires me.
Dana
Lisa
friends are there to tell you
that you do DESERVE
happiness and you will
eventually get to experience
happiness, but maybe not
today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday. Most
importantly, “Friends are
there to make you smile.
All of these things mentioned prior strengthen
Donna
mutual bonds and fill
hearts,” as my girl Dana so
eloquently says. Isolation,
on the other hand, offers you none of these things. All it offers is
more time to lament over negativity and sadness. Lisa, my curly
headed pal reminded me of that one (thank you Lisa). And to think
I used to be under the impression that I was discovering something
new or interesting about myself in these moments. WTF?
The irony is that social support and creating a network of compassionate, like-minded people is one of the highest recommended
treatments for those trying to manage stress, hardship and trauma
according to experts. But of course, I do just the opposite! Typical
me. Now I realize that true friends are always there at life’s ends!
Whether it is an end of a relationship, a life, or happy conclusions
like graduation – there’s always a beginning, a middle and a
friend.
I often associate self-elected isolation with self-inflicted bummedoutness. Yeah, some things are going right in your life, but it’s the
things that are going wrong that really have you feeling helpless
and somewhat paralyzed. Those aspects are usually things that we
cannot control. Humans naturally crave control. Personally for me,
when something has gone off course and is causing me distress,
not only do I get saddened by the issue, but I get sort of angry too,
since I can’t fix it. Yet, I have never had an angry bone in my
10 I PhillyFIT
Don’t Break Me Off A Piece of that Kit Kat Bar.
Let’s be blunt, shall we? Even though I may not show it, I need
my friends. And let me clarify, this does not include “friends with
benefits!” Everybody in the world needs at least one person to
count on. Friends have the ability to help keep you motivated to
tackle daily goals and even cross off big-ticket items from your
bucket list. No matter what traumatic catastrophe you have
endured, count on your pals to have your back – and conversely,
celebrate life’s accomplishments and milestones.
Sometimes it takes a wake up call (or email) to put you back in
touch with reality. Be grateful to the ones that do reconnect to snap
you out of your funk. They are saving you from shoulda, woulda,
coulda. How many times have you thought – geez, it has been
years since I last spoke to _______, it would be really weird (hard)
to call her now – out of the blue. I’ll just have a Kit Kat bar
instead. That embarrassment can be so strong that you decide to
never take the initiative to reach out just because you have no reasonable explanation for your actions. You can’t find the words to
describe the tough time you were facing. And all the while, you
leave that person bewildered, scratching their head, asking what
THEY did wrong to damage such an important friendship. They
are completely oblivious that you chose to disappear because of
your weakness – not their wrongdoing.
“As I look back on all that's happened...growing up, growing
together, changing you, changing me -- there were times when we
dreamed together, when we laughed and cried together. As I look
back on those days, I realize how much I truly miss you and how
much I truly love you. The past may be gone forever...and whatever the future holds, our todays make the memories of tomorrow.
So, my lifetime friend, it is with all my heart that I send you my
love, hoping that you'll always carry my smile with you, for all we
have meant to each other and for whatever the future may hold”
(author unknown).
I’d like to dedicate this quote to my three gal-pals I named in this
article, and all of my friends whom I so dearly miss. May I
express my gratitude to you for being there for me, no matter
what? I’m very sorry if we’ve fallen out of touch. I’m probably to
blame. Please know that I do still think of you, and each time I do,
it brings a huge smile to my face!
********
Regardless of how many bumps you’ve hit along life’s beautiful
journey, always make time to put some effort into your friendships. It can be as simple as just sending a text letting a buddy
know that you are thinking of them, but you just aren’t up for
May/June I 215-396-0268 I www.phillyfitmagazine.com
chatting because you are dealing with a difficult situation. Don’t
leave them wondering why you’ve gone MIA. You owe it to them.
And maybe you’re on the hunt for some new friends (this can be a
new pet too!). Why not? Just because we hit middle age doesn’t
mean we’ve lost the right to make new friends. Get out there (cautiously)! Explore and learn about all the different personalities that
surround you. You may just end up discovering something about
yourself you needed to know. A great way to meet new people is
taking part in workout classes – maybe you need more motivation
to stay FIT other than your teeny weenie bikini! Above all, don’t let
your timeline get hacked. That’s right – whether on Facebook or in
real life – post something once in a while! Inspire someone! Step
up your game. I think everyone should experience Face (your life)
book. The pages will surprise you. You may have more “likes”
than you ever imagined. Maybe Facebook isn’t so bad after all, if
used wisely.
Yours in FITness,
Philadelphia Institute
of
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Trained by Dr. Matlock (Dr. 90210™)
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letterstothepublisher
Dear PhillyFIT,
I am a Philly Police Officer, I
have been picking up PhillyFit
magazine for a least a year
now and I want to thank you
and congratulate you on a job
well done so far and hope
that your success continues
in the years to come.
Lael Newsome
Jami,
I’m a member of AFC Bala
Cywnyd and read your articles which are very good, not
what you would expect from a
gym magazine!
Scott Martin
Jami,
I really enjoyed your
Publisher’s Page article this
month. Sounds like you have
been on an interesting journey and it's nice to know you
are so open-minded. That
itself is a great gift. I too
would personally rather surround myself with those rare
individuals that are willing to
look at life from all different
perspectives, then the many
unwilling or unable to look
past the tip of their nose. I
look forward to meeting you
someday.
Have a great day,
Patti Czarnecki
Jami,
Each one of your Publisher’s
Pages are better than the
last, awesome!
Dana Veit
Hi Jami,
Love your magazine. Your
Publisher’s Page letters are
wonderfully insightful and
boldly open.
Keep up the good work!
Ted Komacek
May/June I 215-396-0268 I www.phillyfitmagazine.com
Hi Jami,
I read your Pubsliher’s
Page a few days ago. It
was really inspiring for you
to put it out there and so
raw with your personal
experiences. There are
many people who tend to
"hide out" even though it
seems they are busy
around the clock. Your
admission to this lent a kind
of loneliness and I applaud
you for keeping it real. It
seems to me by taking the
peace and quiet/time to
finding your own self - is
very empowering for you!
Thanks for inspiring all.
Love,
Lisa Davis
LETTERS POSTED TO
OUR FACEBOOK:
Posted to Facebook:
"Just read Jami's opening
article in PhillyFIT
Magazine and am humbled
to be mentioned there.
Love her style, her insights
and who she is as a person
and what she brings to her
community! Thanks Jami!"
Luisa Rasiej
Posted to Facebook:
Today's person that I am
spotlighting for their contributions to
health/fitness/well-being is
Jami Appenzeller of
www.phillyfit.com. This
magazine inspires, motivates, and educates people
with stories about ordinary
people doing extrordinary
things! The magazine and
web site is free too!
Definitely worth checking
out!
Cory Bank
PhillyFIT I 11
Reiki Healing
for Mind, Body,
and Spirit
By appointment only
Call MaryBeth 215-805-6675 • 904-438-8477
or email [email protected]
www.acupuncturerox.com
PHILLYFITfamily
Published by:
Jalynn Concepts, LLC
Publisher: Jami Appenzeller
Assistant to the Publisher:
Melissa Granneman
Art Design: Buxmont Media:
Jessica Lorah
Copy Editors: Heather Hoehn,
Bev Appenzeller
Cover Photography:
Photography Karin Eisen, shot
by Robyn Graham
Photography;Photo of Jessica
Halbert by Liana Saadi Louzon.
Publishers Page:
Photo by Joe Chielli, Church
Street Studios; Hair by Amy
Cummings, Fresh Hair Studio in
Southampton, PA; Make-up by
Alayna Rakes
Calendar Of Events:
John Beeler
Ad Sales:
Jami Appenzeller
[email protected]
Rita Henry
[email protected]
Distribution Manager:
R.I.P. Jim Appenzeller
12 I PhillyFIT
All inquires are welcome...
Call us NOW! 215-396-0268
Fax: 215-396-0288
www.phillyfitmagazine.com
[email protected]
Advertising Deadlines:
Reservations for the
July/August 2012 issue:
Ad Copy Due By: June 5, 2012
Payment Due By: June 10, 2012
PhillyFIT Magazine is a news magazine with emphasis
on health, fitness and leisure. PhillyFIT Magazine is printed bi-monthly, distributing 50,000 magazines to more
than 1,000 locations in the Philadelphia, Bucks, Chester,
Delaware and Montgomery Counties. Address all submissions of advertising, calendar entries, photos,
inquiries and letters to the above address. PhillyFIT
Magazine does not assume responsibility for unsolicited
materials. PhillyFIT Magazine will assume that all unsolicited materials are being submitted for possible publication and should the material be published, no fee is due
to the submitting party. It is our understanding that the
submitting party holds models' releases on photographs
submitted. Physicians' Pages are paid advertisements.
PhillyFIT Magazine does not knowingly accept false or
misleading advertising or editorial content, nor does the
Publisher assume responsibility should such advertising
or editorial appear. PhillyFIT Magazine reserves the right
to edit letters to the editor and other submissions for
clarity and space availability, and to determine suitability
of all materials submitted for publication. Before implementing any exercise or diet modification mentioned in
PhillyFIT Magazine, readers are advised to consult with
their physicians. No reproductions of printed material are
permitted without the consent of the Publisher.
All rights reserved.
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