FLY ME TO THE MOON During `rush hour` at a busy airport, a flight

3
All Rights Reserved © 2014
2012
FLY ME TO THE MOON
During 'rush hour' at a busy airport, a flight was delayed due
to a mechanical problem. Since the gate was needed for
another flight, the aircraft was backed away from the gate
while the maintenance crew worked on it. The passengers
were then told the new gate number, some distance away.
Everyone moved to the new gate, only to find a third gate
had been designated for them.
After some further shuffling, everyone got on
board, and as they were settling in, the flight attendant made the standard announcement, 'We
apologize for the inconvenience of this lastminute gate change. This flight is going to Washington, D.C. If your destination is not Washington, D.C.,
then you should 'deplane' at this time.'
A very confused-looking and red-faced pilot emerged from
the cockpit, carrying his bags. 'Sorry,' he said, wrong plane.'
ALONE AGAIN...NATURALLY
The teacher was lecturing on map reading. He spent an hour
explaining latitude, longitude, degrees, and minutes. Towards the end of class, the teacher asked his students,
"Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4
minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude."
A student's voice broke the confused silence, and volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone, sir."
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LOOK FOR GOD. LOOK FOR GOD LIKE A MAN WITH HIS HEAD ON FIRE LOOKS FOR WATER
THERE IS LIFE, AND THEN THERE IS SUMMER
THERE IS LIFE, AND THEN THERE IS SUMMER
DOGS WITH LARGE, ERECT EARS, HEAR A LOT BETTER THAN DOGS WITH FLOPPY EARS WHO SMELL THINGS BETTER
SUCCESS IS RELATIVE; THE MORE SUCCCESS, THE MORE RELATIVES
IN THEORY, EVERYTHING WORKS
¥ It was English poet Martin Farquhar Tupper who made the
following sage observation: "Well-timed silence hath
more eloquence than speech."
¥ If you're in the neighborhood of Bessemer, Alabama, you might want to stop in
its Hall of History. Though the connection
to local history isn't clear, Hitler's typewriter is on display to curious onlookers.
¥ The next time you look out
the window and see banks of freshly fallen
snow, remember that only about 8 percent of
that fluffy whiteness is actually water; the
remaining 92 percent is air.
IF YOU CAN'T CONVINCE SOMEONE, CONFUSE THEM
¥ You may be among those people who
think good deeds and selfless acts are on
the decline. If so, consider this story: In
2010, an employee at a recycling company
came across 23 U.S. savings bonds while sorting through a
bin of discarded papers. Instead of trying to cash the $22,000
worth of bonds himself, Mike Rodgers decided to track down
the owner. It turned out that the woman who had bought the
bonds, Martha Dobbins, had been dead for almost two decades. Rodgers didn't give up, though; he began a search for
Robert Roberts, who was also named on the bonds. Though
the name is common and Rodgers hit many dead ends, he
eventually located the correct Robert Roberts, the son of Martha
Dobbins. Roberts hadn't even
been aware of the bonds' existence.
Rodgers, his good deed finally being done, refused a reward.
¥ During the course of filming all eight
Harry Potter movies, actor Daniel Radcliffe
went through 160 pairs of glasses and 70 magic wands.
Thought for the Day: "Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among
those whom I love, I can: All of them make me laugh." -W.H. Auden
(c) 2014 King Features Synd., Inc.
I SHOULD’VE KNOWN THAT MY FIRST MARRIAGE WOULDN’T WORK OUT...YOU SEE, I WAS A LIBRA AND SHE WAS A WITCH
THE PLACEMENT OF A DONKEY'S EYES IN ITS' HEADS ENABLES IT TO SEE ALL FOUR FEET AT ALL TIMES
IF YOU LOSE THE POWER TO LAUGH, YOU LOSE THE POWER TO THINK
PICK BATTLES BIG ENOUGH TO MATTER, YET SMALL ENOUGH TO WIN
Frequent vacuuming (1+times/week) prevents a buildup of gritty
particles that can cut carpet fibers. Take a little extra time and use
your crevice tool for cleaning around baseboards and other hard-toreach places. One pass with a high-powered upright is not enough.
Go over each section of carpeting several times, and work slowly to
allow the suction to remove all the ground-in dust and dirt. Vacuum
heavy traffic areas with a crisscross pattern of overlapping strokes.
Here some pointers for getting rid of spots and spills.
Dilute acid spills (such as drain cleaner, vomit or vinegar) with
baking soda, water or club soda. Apply a solution of 1 part ammonia to 10 parts water. Rinse with cold water, let dry, and vacuum.
Alcoholic beverages: Dilute with cold water and absorb the excess
liquid. Mix 1 tsp mild detergent, 1 tspn white vinegar, and 1 qt
warm water. Apply the solution to the spot, let dry. Vacuum gently.
Blood: Absorb as much as you can. Mix 1 tsp mild detergent, 1 tsp
white vinegar, and 1 qt warm water. Apply the solution to the spot,
and let dry. Apply dry-cleaning fluid. Vacuum gently after dry.
Butter: Scrape up the butter. Apply dry-cleaning fluid, and let the
carpet dry. Vacuum gently. Repeat if necessary.
Candle wax: Press an ice cube against the wax stain. The wax will
harden and can then be pulled off.
Catsup: Sponge a mixture of 1 cup vinegar and 2 cups water into
rug. Frequently wring out sponge until stain is gone.
HUMOR IS JUST ANOTHER DEFENSE AGAINST THE UNIVERSE
Chewing gum: Harden it by pressing an ice cube against the blob
of gum. Once hardened, the gum can be pulled off.
Chocolate: Immediately scrape the chocolate from the carpet. Mix
1 tsp mild detergent, 1 tsp white vinegar, and 1 qt warm water. Apply the solution to the spot. Rinse well. Vacuum gently.
Coffee, Gravy, Mud, Salad dressing, Soft drinks: Blot spill immediately. Then mix 1tsp mild detergent, 1 tsp white vinegar and 1
qt warm water. Apply the solution to the spot, and let dry. Apply
dry-cleaning fluid. Vacuum gently after dry.
Crayon: Scrape away excess crayon or place a blotter over the
crayon stain and pressing it with a warm iron. Apply dry-cleaning
fluid, and let the carpet dry. Vacuum gently.
THE LOVE OF TRUTH LIES AT THE ROOT OF MUCH HUMOR
Fruit, Juice, Urine: These stains set quickly so act quickly. First,
absorb liquid. Mix 1 tsp mild detergent, 1 tsp white vinegar, and 1
qt warm water. Apply the solution to the spot, and let the carpet dry.
If the spot remains, repeat the procedure. Vacuum gently.
Wine: When red wine is spilled on your carpet, dilute it with white
wine, then clean the spot with cold water and cover with table salt.
Wait ten minutes and then vacuum up the salt.
Sometimes vacuuming a carpet can no longer restore its clean
appearance. If your carpet is matted and no longer the same color
as when new; it may need to be deep cleaned. Call Norton’s Carpet Care and let us help you have a beautiful carpet again!
TALK IS CHEAP BECAUSE SUPPLY EXCEEDS DEMAND
YOU DON'T HAVE TO ATTEND EVERY ARGUMENT YOU’RE INVITED TO
LOOK FOR THE RIDICULOUS IN EVERYTHING AND YOU WILL FIND IT
MY GRANDFATHER’S LAST WORDS,
"A TRUCK!"
THERE ARE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD SO HUNGRY, THAT GOD CANNOT APPEAR TO THEM EXCEPT IN THE FORM OF BREAD
BABIES ARE SUCH A NICE WAY TO START PEOPLE
¥ On July 23, 1888, Raymond Chandler, creator of
detective Philip Marlowe, is born in Chicago. During
the Depression, Chandler turned to writing to support
himself. He published his novel "The Big Sleep" in
1939, followed by "Farewell My Lovely" and "The
Long Goodbye."
¥ On July 25, 1917, in Paris, exotic dancer Mata Hari is sentenced to death by a French court for spying on Germany's
behalf during World War I. Since 1903, Margueretha Gertruida Zelle had performed in Paris as a dancer under the name
Mata Hari, claiming she was an Indian priestess.
¥ On July 21, 1925, John T. Scopes is convicted of violating
Tennessee's law against teaching evolution in public schools. The case was only for show,
and the jury only conferred for a few
moments. The American Civil Liberties Union had advertised for a
teacher who would let himself be
arrested to challenge the law and open
it for public debate.
IF YOU WANT SOMETHING IN THIS LIFE, YOU HAVE TO WORK FOR IT. NOW, QUIET, THEY'RE ABOUT TO ANNOUNCE THE LOTTERY NUMBERS!
¥ On July 22, 1933, American
aviator Wiley Post returns to
New York, becoming the first
aviator to fly solo around the
world. Post flew a Lockheed
Vega monoplane, nicknamed the
Winnie Mae.
¥ On July 26, 1941, President Franklin Roosevelt seizes all
Japanese assets in the United States in retaliation for the Japanese occupation of French Indo-China. Britain and the Dutch
East Indies followed suit. The result: Japan lost access to
three-fourths of its overseas trade and 88 percent of its imported oil.
¥ On July 24, 1959, during the grand opening ceremony of the
American National Exhibition in Moscow, Vice President
Richard Nixon and Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev engage
in a heated debate in the middle of a model kitchen set up for
the fair. The "kitchen debate" became one of the most famous
episodes of the Cold War.
¥ On July 27, 1974, the House Judiciary
Committee recommends that America's
37th president, Richard M. Nixon, be impeached and removed from office. The impeachment proceedings resulted from a series of political scandals known as Watergate. On Aug.
8, Nixon announced his resignation.
(c) 2014 King Features Synd., Inc.
MOST MEN NEVER OBTAIN RICHES AND GREATNESS
AN OUNCE OF MIRTH IS WORTH A POUND OF SORROW
THERE IS GREAT DANGER IN BEING ASHAMED OF CHRIST—J. C. RYLE
1. TELEVISION: What was the name of Fred’s boss on ’The
Flintstones’?
2. U.S. STATES: What state lies directly north of Wyoming?
3. LITERATURE: Who was Sherlock Holmes’ archenemy?
4. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE: What is the traditional birthstone for July?
5. PSYCHOLOGY: What is the fear represented by
‘monophobia’?
6. MUSIC: What music video of Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers featured the characters of Alice and The Mad Hatter?
7. GEOGRAPHY: What is the longest suspension bridge in
the United States?
8. FAMOUS QUOTATIONS: Which 20th-century American
journalist said, ‘Love doesn’t make the world go ‘round. Love
is what makes the ride worthwhile’?
9. MOVIES: Who won the best actor Oscar for the 1978 movie ‘Coming Home’?
10. SCIENCE: What is the symbol for the element phosphorus?
Answers:
1. Mr. Slate
2. Montana
3. Professor James Moriarty
4. Ruby
5. Fear of being alone
6. ‘Don’t Come Around Here No
(c) 2014 King Features Synd., Inc.
More’
7. Verrazano-Narrows in New
York (4,260 feet)
8. Franklin P. Jones
9. Jon Voight
10. P
A LOW AND FEEBLE SENSE OF SIN WILL ALWAYS PRODUCE A LOW AND FEEBLE SENSE OF THE VALUE OF SALVATION - J. C. RYLE
OUR LORD SEES THE TROUBLES OF HIS BELIEVING PEOPLE, AND IN DUE TIME WILL HELP THEM - J. C. RYLE
HOW SLOW OF UNDERSTANDING MEN ARE IN SPIRITUAL THINGS
YOUTH IS THE GIFT OF NATURE BUT AGE IS A WORK OF ART
THE WORST THING ABOUT CENSORSHIP IS _______.
Q: My mom and dad were married in 1949 following the end of World War II. As she began
setting up and organizing her kitchen, she
bought dozens of gadgets such as shredders,
choppers, odd can openers, juicers, ricers and
even a Tala Egg Wedger, which was used for slicing hard-boiled
eggs. I find these items fascinating and would like to find out more
about them. Any suggestions? -- Margaret, Panama City, Fla.
A: There are two helpful books I think you'll enjoy: "Spiffy Kitchen
Collectibles" by Brian S. Alexander, and "The Antique Trader
Kitchen Collectibles Price Guide" edited by Kyle Husfloen, both
published by Krause Books. I also urge you to visit local antique
malls, where you'll be amazed at the demand and prices generated
by older kitchen items.
Q: I have a coin collection that began with my great-grandfather
and continued with my dad, who died four years ago. The collection is a combination of coinage and currency. I need a professional
appraiser so we can establish values for insurance purposes. Can
you help me? -- Sally, Metarie, La.
A: Dr. Spencer Peck is a senior member of the American Society of
Appraisers and specializes in numismatics, one of only nine appraisers in the United States with such credentials. Contact is P.O.
Box 526, Oldwick, NJ 08858; and [email protected].
Q: My dad was stationed in Germany during the 1950s and purchased several Hummel figurines during that time. Can you recommend a good price guide so we can determine current values? -Laura, Paris, Ark.
A: My favorite guide is "M.I. Hummel: Figurines, Plates, Miniatures & More" by Robert L. Miller and published by Portfolio
Press. This guide is frequently updated, and its prices seem to reflect the present economy and marketplace. It can be ordered at
amazon.com.
Q: My dad was a pipe smoker, and I have inherited about two dozen of his pipes. Do you have any suggestions of how I can dispose
of them? -- Cynthia, Buffalo, N.Y.
A: One of the better groups is the North American Society of Pipe
Collectors. Contact is P.O. Box 9642, Columbus, OH 43209.
Write to Larry Cox in care of KFWS, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando,
FL 32853-6475, or send e-mail to [email protected]. Due
to the large volume of mail he receives, Mr. Cox cannot personally
answer all reader questions, nor do appraisals. Do not send any
materials requiring return mail. (c) 2014 King Features Synd., Inc.