The Chupacabra Will Get Your Goat

April 10, 2012
Tower
Volume: 87 Issue: 7
Times
The Chupacabra Will Get Your Goat
Cosmo Nomikos
When I was a young boy, I had it good: loving parents, nice home, and
all the candy one could ever ask for. So why do I wake up screaming
in the dead of night in a cold sweat? Why, even on the warmest days,
does a cold chill run down my spine, causing me to shudder at the
mere recollection of that terrible day? “What happened,” you may
ask? THE CHUPACABRA, THAT’S WHAT!!
The year is 2003. Outkast’s Hey Ya! has just reached number one on
the charts, Lance Armstrong has won his fifth Tour de France, and
my family and I are vacationing in Oaxaca, Mexico. The city’s market is bustling with activity as my little eight year old self waddles
around taking in everything there is to be seen. Suddenly, a boy my
age approaches me. His face is smeared with a combination of dirt
and fear. He shrieks to me in a voice close to tears, “El monstruo el
monstruo! Que se lo llevo! Venir a ayudar,” grabbing my arm and
yanking me toward the exit of town. After several minutes of running
we come across a small clearing, and that’s when I see it, but what is
it that I am looking at? It stands four feet high, skin grey and thick,
its body lean and muscular. Sharp spines run down its long terrible
back, and at the end of its grotesque torso balances a head like nothing imaginable. The face is slim and pointed, almost like that of a dog,
its skin pulled back across its horrendous face, and when it snarls it
reveals row after row of razor sharp fang like teeth. As I get closer
I can see that it is standing over someone, every muscle trembling
with excitement. Being eight years old and a coward, I ran. I ran as
far and fast as I could, never looking behind at the nightmare scene,
but I can’t outrun the image that has been seared into my brain, that
haunts me day and night.
Step one: Get inside. If not your home, just make sure you
are inside. Seriously, get inside, don’t make me say it again.
Step two: Close and lock all doors or windows, because
to a chupacabra nothing is more inviting then an open door.
Make sure you are using chupacabra approved locks.
Step three: Fill up your bathtub and sinks with water; the
chupacabra has been know to cut your power and water in
an attempt to drive you out of hiding.
Step four: Put on your Viridian Dynamics brand Chupacabra Safety Suit tm and prepare for the drubbing of a lifetime,
for this will be no walk in the park (unless you ignored step
one, in which case a park is a terrible place to defend yourself from the chupacabra).
Now that I have set you up for success, you have no excuse
to not survive this. Remember that I can never unsee what I
saw on the terrible day, but that doesn’t mean you must go
the way of that poor man. We can get through this, I promise… well, maybe you won’t, but whatever. I tried.
At this point you’re probably thinking “Gee, Cosmo, you sure are
smart and handsome but how does this affect meeeeeeeeeeee?”
Answer: in every conceivable way. The media has kept you in the
dark for too long, and damn it I won’t allow it any longer. East High is
experiencing a plague, and it goes by the name El Chupacabra.
The chupacabra is the central American terror that preys on livestock. The name literally translates from Spanish as “goat sucker,”
named this because of its feeding habit of using its fangs to puncture
the skin of livestock and drain the animal of its blood. The chupacabra is canine in appearance, sort of like a medium to large dog,
but completely hairless, and with grey skin, making it commonly
confused with coyotes infected with mange. The tell-tale sign of the
chupacabra, however, are its large spine-like spikes that run down its
back. In Mexico its name is synonymous with fear and pain.
Yes, you heard me right, East High is experiencing its own chupacabra, and the students are too blind to see. But with my trained eye, I
have noticed the tell-tale signs of los chupacabras: mysterious growling in seemingly empty hallways, frightening sightings of large mammals, and unexplainable cattle mutilations. These things have been
so common around East that we have stopped questioning them
and have begun to accept them, but that’s a good way to end up on a
chupacabra’s dinner plate. But have no fear trembling East student,
because Uncle Cosmo is here to teach you how to secure your home
and self from the imminent threat that is the chupacabra in four easy
steps:
April is National Poetry Month!
Tower Times is committed to informing, promoting, uniting, and celebrating the East High community.
East Tower Times
April 10, 2012
Newspaper Staff
Celebrating National Jazz Month
Erin Barry: Editor-in-Chief
Patrick McCarthy: Assistant Editor
Liam Sunde: Chief-Format-Editor
Leon Dinh:Graphics Editor
Grace Coleman Dalton McGowan
Miki Harvey
Cosmos Nomikos
Ted Huwe
Scout Slava-Ross
Evan Kind
Amelia Soth
Seth Lesondak
Philanthropy Foundation Has Money For
You
Evan Kind
East has always been proud of its thriving clubs, and the many opportunities they can offer students. But funding is scarce, and organizations have, in recent years, found themselves short for cash.
The Purgolder Philanthropy Foundation was created to address
just these issues. Run by East students, and facilitated by founders
and East teachers Sarah Motl and Jessica Hotz, “Philanthropy Club”
(as it is colloquially known) hopes to help individual students, teachers, and East organizations pursue projects that will contribute to the
East community. Funding hopefuls will apply for grants, which the
Philanthropy Foundation’s student board will review. Although a few
of the club’s members serve in leadership roles, every member of the
club has equal authority in determining which projects are worthy of
funding.
The Philanthropy Foundation itself relies on funding from the Morgridge Family Foundation, which has supports several such clubs in a
variety of schools. This is the first year the Morgridge Foundation has
extended its support to East, however, which promises a sea-change
for East’s cash-strapped clubs.
Philanthropy Club is looking for members -- students that will show
reliability and leadership, and generally wish to improve the East Side
community and become a representative of East. The club meets every
other Thursday. If Philanthropy Club interests you, please contact Ms.
Hotz or Ms. Motl.
Ted Huwe
April is National Jazz Month, and jazz band has always been a
strong tradition here at East, with the leadership of the former
band director, Dr. Eckel, and the dedication of incredible student musicians. After the departure of Dr. Eckel in the previous
year, Mr. Saltzman has stepped into the role of maintaining the
high standard set by East’s jazz bands. But Mr. Saltzman has
done more than maintain the program--he has expanded it. Mr.
Saltzman introduced a second, smaller jazz ensemble while working to continue the original jazz band. Both groups were able to
learn about the jazz community, as Mr. Saltzman works to teach
not only songs to the students but also the styles and the history
of jazz.
To further the students’ understanding of the jazz community, many guest musicians from outside the school were brought
in by Saltzman to play with and teach the east jazzers. Jim
Doherty was brought on as the guest director to lead the newly
created jazz ensemble. Saltzman and Doherty encouraged students to improvise and solo, key components of jazz music, and
to play tightly as a group, working hard to increase the students’
musicianship.
Both bands were able to showcase their talents at the “All
That Jazz” concert on Friday, March 9th at the Masonic temple.
An East tradition, the the concert is full of dancing and fun as East
jazz students perform a wide variety of tunes, ranging from funk
to swing. This year was no exception. Many East students came
to support their friends in jazz band. Jazz students made another
appearance this year at fine arts week. Playing on Wednesday
March 28th, the jazz band entertained classes with a short set of
jazz standards.
Jazz band is winding down for the year, just in time for
National Jazz Month! But rest assured that though teachers and
students may come and go, jazz band will remain rooted in East
culture. And I’m hep to that, daddy-o!
Seth and Cosmos Go to the Movies
Hunger Games Will Leave You Hungry For More
Seth Lesondak and Cosmos Nomikos
When The Hunger Games, directed by Gary Ross, was released in March it was a tween/teen sensation; some say it was bigger than Twilight. To date it has made $155 million at the box office. Its
success has largely been due to the immense popularity of the novels on which it was based.
In the world of The Hunger Games, the twelve districts have to send one boy and one girl
to “the Capitol” where they fight to the death in a reality TV event known as “the Hunger Games.”
This is done under the guise of maintaining peace after a devastating world war, which is explained in the movie in the form of an educational film shown to “Hunger Games” candidates.
After that, the reason for the existence of the Hunger Games is not really touched on. The film
shown in the movie doesn’t satisfactorily justify the event, which is appropriate considering it is
meant to portray the lie that allows the Capitol to maintain control over the outlying districts. But
somehow the lack of explanation for the brutal murder of children by children remained a nagging and uncomfortable problem for a viewer who has not read the books.
The film focuses on a girl chosen to participate in the Hunger Games, Katniss Everdeen
(played impressively by Jennifer Lawrence), and her male counterpart, Peeta Mellark (Josh
Hutcherson), who come from the impoverished twelfth district. They travel together to the Capitol, the portrayal of which is one of the high points of the film. Lavish costumes and fantastically
impressive buildings contrast starkly to the poor district that is the home of the two main characters, highlighting the political undertones of the movie.
Throughout the movie, the well portrayed and likable character Haymitch Abernathy
(Woody Harrelson) adds a dose of comedic relief. This proves necessary after the actual Hunger
Games begin. Director Ross plays the scene with appropriate horror and tension, making this long
part of the film thrilling and emotionally involving.
With the target audience of The Hunger Games being the easily pleased tween/teen group,
it wouldn’t have been unreasonable to expect a film as cinematically catastrophic as Twilight. It
was a nice surprise, then, to find that Director Gary Ross had created a film that was, though far
from an artistic marvel of modern cinema, satisfying and fun to watch.
Page 2
Healing
“Healing, not saving.” ~ Gary Snyder
“Healing, not saving,” for healing
indicates corrective, reclaiming
restoring the earth to its bounty,
to right placement and meaning--
Forward thinking, making things new
or better or, at least, bringing back
from the edge. The way
bulbs are nestled in earth,
starting to heal again-the way a wound heals.
Keep warm. Sun following
rain; rain following drought.
Perhaps we have come far enough
along in this world to start
healing, protecting from harm,
from our disjunctive lives.
The way the skin repairs with a scab,
injury mediated by mindfulness.
The bark of the “tree of blood”
heals wounds we cannot see.
Deliver us from the time of trial
and save us from ourselves.
--Scott Edward Anderson
East Tower Times
April 10, 2012
Drug-Sniffing Mice
Patrick McCarthy
A flash of brown or gray across the classroom floor. The pitter-patter
of tiny feet. The faint sounds of squeaking from across the hall. All of
these have induced shrieking in the East student body, and stories
of frightening encounters with East’s many mice are numerous and
varied. But students may have an even greater reason to fear these
rodents in the upcoming weeks, when East High administration begins implementing its controversial new policy: drug-sniffing mice.
The new program is part of a district-wide effort to crack
down on drug use in Madison schools, an initiative that began with
the introduction of police-trained K-9 drug dogs to middle and high
schools to search for illegal substances. These “sweeps,” however,
have proven expensive. The cost of training, caring for, and transporting a police dog is so great that performing a single sweep requires
between two and four arts classes to be cut from the curriculum
and delays the purchasing of new math textbooks by approximately
fourteen years. While most would consider this a small price to pay
for the much-needed climate of fear and paranoia the sweeps provide, East administration has sought to cut costs by looking inward,
finding a cheap solution to the drug problem that makes use of East’s
most bountiful resource.
“East has hundreds, perhaps thousands, of mice scurrying
through its walls,” says principal Mary Kelley. “Up to now, [these
mice] haven’t been able to contribute positively to the East experience. By training them to sniff out any drugs that students may be
keeping at school we have not only found a cost-effective alternative
to the K-9s but also a way to make these mice feel like a real part of
the East community.”
The mice are surprisingly fast learners, already capable of
detecting over 400 varieties of illicit substances by smell alone. Efforts to extend this range of scents to include firearms, stolen goods,
forged artwork, yellowcake uranium, and hats are already underway.
But a wider range of scents and a lower cost aren’t the only
advantages drug mice have over drug dogs. The rodents are also
much more maneuverable, capable of squeezing into lockers, backpacks, and pockets not accessible to a larger animal. And, while certain individuals may feel that using large dogs to intimidate students
is morally suspect, everybody can agree that siccing a bunch of mice
on some unsuspecting hooligan and watching him freak out as they
crawl up his pant legs sounds like a great time for everyone involved.
“I honestly can’t believe we didn’t think of this sooner,” says
security director Mr. Borowski. “I mean, the whole student against
student part of the Quick Fifty program was kind of cool in a Hunger
Games sort of way, but otherwise I can’t think of a better solution to
this problem.”
While drug-sniffing mice have proven to be a great success,
administration has not had as much luck with its other localized drug
detection program, drug-sniffing purgolders. While the purgolders
show a great deal of enthusiasm, their comically oversized heads and
tendency to stop working in order to dance to East-themed parodies
of Top 40 hits make them ill-suited to police work.
“It’s too bad, really,” says Kelley. “We were trying very hard to
find a way to solve our growing purgolder problem. Now we’ll probably just have to put out glue traps for them or something.”
One of the drug sniffing mice being trained
Student Congress: What does it
do for you?
Dalton McGowan
At the beginning of the school year, East got a whole new
freshman class, and with it came a new freshman congress. Yet
how many students really know about freshman congress and
how it supports the grade? Not many. This year’s Freshman Congress has been very active and organized many events, including
the freshman dance and the secret valentines. They also assisted
with Purple Day, which raised awareness of epilepsy, and are currently looking at volunteering options at local food pantries later
this year. Congress must also raise money for all of the events
students enjoy, including everything from prom to homecoming
to graduation. All freshmen should considering joining -- it’s easy
to apply! Talk to Ms. Bonet now or sign up at the beginning of next
year. Freshman congress advisor Ms Vierstra says, “Congress is a
great way to get involved, show your leadership skills, and help
organize the fun events at East.” So what are you waiting for? Get
involved and show your support!
Interested in advertising
in the Tower Times?
Contact us!
[email protected].
Don’t have a design? No worries! Our graphic designers
can make one for you.
Page 3
East Tower Times
Student Art: 2012
April 10, 2012
Ray Edwards Gallery
Student Artists
shown clockwise from top-left:
Goldie Bennett
Tony Horsfall
Emma Tauscher
Kat Klafka
Gabe Brodowy
Kaili Rocha
Page 4
East Tower Times
April 10, 2012
Good Luck
to you Spring competitors!
...Boy’s Golf
...Baseball
...Girl’s Soccer
...Track
...Softball
...Boy’s Tennis
...Ultimate Frisbee
...forensics
Teresa wants you to buy shirts to support
Words Hurt week!
The staff being like they do.
Two of French classes’ many collages.
Page 5
East Tower Times
April 10, 2012
Staff Spotlight on Salah
Amelia Soth
East’s Facilitated Foreign Language presents a great
opportunity for educators from other cultures to visit the
school and teach students from a new perspective. Salah
Ibrahim, an Arabic teacher from Egypt, is one of these educators. He’s staying in Plymouth, Wisconsin this year, but
came to East for a week to teach the Arabic class here. The
Tower Times spoke to Ibrahim to learn his perspective on the
school.
Tower Times: How do you like it here in the U.S.?
Salah Ibrahim: It’s wonderful....People here are very friendly.
People are friendly when you are in the street, asking for directions. The most wonderful thing is, sometimes I get home
from school, and I find bags of fresh fruit and vegetables outside of my apartment. I don’t know who did that. But people
want to share....I am enjoying my stay here. The students at
my school are very wonderful. They want to learn. I planned
to teach many things in three months--what I had planned,
they got through it in two months.
TT: What do you miss about Egypt?
SI: I miss my children. My eldest daughter is five years old, my
son is three years old, and I have a fourth month old daughter.
But I Skype with them every day.
TT: How did you learn to speak English?
SI: When I learned English, they started teaching at age
twelve. Now they start at the age of six. I was lucky that the
first teacher that taught me was British, not Egyptian. He
taught us to love English. He sang and made us laugh all the
time...I just try to follow his way of teaching, so students of
every class I teach love the language.
TT: Arabic isn’t taught very often in the U.S. What do you
think about that?
SI: In my opinion, Arabic should have been taught in the U.S. fifty years
ago. If Arabic were taught in the U.S. fifty years ago, we would have
[avoided] many many problems. 174 schools in the U.S. teach Arabic--in
my opinion, that’s very bad. We should increase teaching the language,
because we want the cultures to get together. What do Egyptians think
of Americans? They see movies and see big muscles, big guns, gangs.
And this is incorrect. Americans think of Arabs and they think of terrorists.
Salah has since returned to Plymouth to teach the local Arabic
class, but will keep in touch with East’s Arabic class to keep students
on track and answer any pressing Arabic-related questions they may
have.
Words Hurt Advisor Ms. Piaskowski
Injured By Flying Adjective
Patrick McCarthy
Tragedy struck East High School this week when, in a sobering
display of the importance of Words Hurt Week, history teacher and
Words Hurt advisor Amy Piaskowski was struck violently by a runaway
adjective. Piaskowski was rushed to the nurse’s office, where she was
treated for wounded pride, a bruised ego, and three broken ribs.
“This kind of thing is more common than we like to think it is,”
said Piaskowski, shifting uncomfortably in her hospital bed. “Every
week, dozens of students and staff members stub their toes on nouns,
trip over prepositions, and bump their heads on adverbs. Words Hurt
Week is designed to bring awareness to these problems.”
In ancient times, words could only be used as weapons by the
most powerful dragons and elite Nordic warriors. But now, with the
advent of Facebook and texting, these weaponized words have become
widely available – and they’re in the wrong hands.
“Without adequate word safety training, teenagers can’t be
trusted with anything more dangerous than a ten-dollar word,” says
Piaskowski. “But everywhere you go you see teenagers making use of
fifty, hundred, or even thousand-dollar words.”
Activists have blamed East’s English department for the rise in
word use among students. One insider who wished to remain anonymous (Mr. Helms) explained the situation. “We thought we were merely
building vocabularies, but what we were really building was an arsenal,” said Helms, the anonymous source.
Teachers of other subjects are outraged, as words have started
to spread into history, foreign language, and physical education classes.
Page 6
A “Bang” can be as bad as a bullet
Even East’s math classes are reporting word problems.
But Amy Piaskowski remains hopeful. As she lifts herself
from her bed, ducking to avoid a dangling participle, she looks
determined, proud despite her condition.
“I’m glad that my injuries have enabled me to bring new
awareness to a very real issue at East,” she says. “I see this as an
opportunity to make East safe again. If we all make an effort to
be more careful with our words, we can avoid hurting others the
way I have been hurt and begin to heal. And let it be known that,
as part of this healing, should the person responsible for my current condition to approach me, I swear that I will not use words
to hurt him. Numbers, however…”
East Tower Times
April 10, 2012
April 2012
1
2
Spring Break
8
Spring Break
Easter
15
9
4
Spring Break Spring Break/
Lexie’s birthday
10
11
Spring Break Fourth Quarter
Begins
16
Words Hurt
Week
22
3
23
17
18
5
6
7
Spring Break
Spring Break
Spring Break
12
13
14
Cabaret
Cabaret
ACT Testing
19
20
21
Smokies Trip
Begins
Dragon Day
EXPLORE/ NHS Induction
PLAN Testing/ Ceremony/ Pi
Cosmo’s birth
Fly
24
25
26
Earth Day
27
28
East Film
Festival
Math Carnival
29
30
Register to Vote!
Register to vote here at East with a Special Registration Deputy! See Ms. Piaskowski in Rm 2010, Ms. Parker
in Rm 3031, or Ms. Peterson in the Main Office. There will also be a Voter Registration Drive next Tuesday
and Wednesday in the Mall during both lunches. Remember, your vote counts!
Words Hurt Week
Words Hurt Week will be from April 16 to April 20. Teachers will have opportunities to sign up their classes for workshops, videos, and guest speakers on the power of words. Learn how you can be an advocate for students with disabilities, how you can work to end racism, and how you can use your words
to heal. Shirts and bracelets to show your support are available for purchase in room 1020.
Post Secret is an art project that allows students to anonymously express, through words and images, their
experiences with hurtful language. Post Secret forms will be available in the Main Office.
The Day of Silence is on April 20th. Some might ask: why silence? Aren’t we trying to fight against silence?
But a silent demonstration can be a peaceful way to bring urgent attention to an important issue. Silence as
a method of organizing is very different than silence that is forced through oppressive bullying, harassment
and intimidation. A silent demonstration is active, rather than passive, and causes people to pay attention.
Google
Seniors have access to a free summer program allowing them to live and work at Google HQ. Apply soon if
you are a good problem solver, creative thinker, and excited about the future of the internet. African-
American, Hispanic, and Native American applicants are especially welcome. More information is available
at www.google.com/jobs/cssi. Deadline is April 20.
Procastinators United
Procrastinators United meeting has been postponed until tomorrow.
IDs for Prom
Prom is coming up (May 19th). If you will be attending Prom, you will need your student ID to enter. IDs
are taken each morning from 7:45 to 8:20am in the LMC.If you have already had an ID photo taken this year
and need a replacement, the cost is $5. If you have not had your ID photo taken yet this year, you will not
have to pay. Do not wait until the last minute to take care of this!
Submit articles, artwork, poetry, photographs, cartoons, comments to:
[email protected]
Page 7
Varsity Baseball
• Tuesday, 4/17 vs. West
@ Manfisfield Stadium
5:00pm
• Thursday 4/19 vs. Verona
5:00pm
• Monday 4/23 vs. Lakeside Lutheran @ Lakeside
Lutheran 4:45pm
• Tuesday 4/24 vs. Sun
Prairie @ Sun Prairie
5:00pm
• Thursday 4/26 vs. Janesville Craig 5:00pm
• Monday 4/30 vs. Stoughton @ Stoughton 5:00pm
Girls Varsity Soccer
• Tueday 4/17 vs. Memorial
7:00pm
• Thursday 4/19 vs. Middleton @ Middleton 7:00pm
• Saturday 4/21 vs. Beaver Dam @ Prairie View
10:00am
• Tuesday 4/24 vs. Middleton 7:00pm
• Thursday 4/26 vs. Janesville Parker @ Brieese
Stevens 7:00pm
Varsity Track
• Tuesday 4/17 vs. Middleton 4:45pm
• Tuesday 4/24 vs. Janesville Craig @ Monterey
4:45pm
• Friday 4/27 vs. Oregon @
Oregon 4:30pm
• Monday 4/30 vs. Verona
4:45pm
Boys Varsity Golf
• Monday 4/16 vs. Edgewood @ Maple Bluff
11:00am
• Tuesday 4/17 vs. Sun
Prairie @ Sun Prairie
2:30pm
• Thursday 4/19 vs. Monona Grove @ The Oaks
7:55am
• Monday 4/23 vs. Beloit Memorial @ Beloit
2:30pm
• Saturday 4/28 vs. Waunakee @ Meadows 11:00am
Boys Varsity Tennis
• Tuesday 4/17 vs. Memorial 4:15pm
• Friday 4/20 vs. Verona/
Oconomowoc 4:00pm
• Saturday 4/21 vs. Verona
@ Reindahl 8:30am
• Tuesday 4/24 vs. Middleton @ Middleton 4:15pm
• Thursday 4/26 vs. Janesville Parker 4:15pm
• Friday 4/27 vs. Verona @
Verona 4:15pm
Boys Hockey
• Thursday 2/2 vs. Tremper
@ Hartmeyer 6:45pm
• Saturday 2/4 @ Janesville
3:30pm
East Tower Times
T.S. Eliot’s Poetry
Puzzle Corner!
START HERE!
!
Page 8
April 10, 2012
Can you
help J. Alfred Prufrock
escape his inevitable
death?