30g NOT - Monash University Research Repository

© Monash Student Association (Clayton) Incorporated (MSA). Lot’s Wife is published on behalf of MSA. All enquiries about the
reproduction and communication of material from Lot’s Wife should be directed to MSA.
1
Contentionai
RAN
B
0 more
fc serves
30g NOT
• .••••' »->•, ' d o c t o b f f
^
1994
• | | H J | | M | ^ ppJ.!8tiS5 00006
.jmim^mim,
..^ilHHHR v.VAW.VA'.M.t
O w w w , m y head hurts.
After a year in office w e have just one piece of advice for next year's
editors: don't even think about combining layout w i t h visits to Union
Nights, especially w h e n they coincide w i t h final editions. Oh well w e
had f u n . Hie. As did everyone else.
Thanx to all the lovely activities people.
It w a s especially lovely to see Janoel, our wonderful M A S chairperson
back at Monash. We are really pleased that you're up and about, babe.
We are looking forward t o schmoozing around campus w i t h you next
year.
As this is our last Lot's editorial ever w e thought it w o u l d be
appropriate to reminisce a bit, as well as thank some wonderful people
w h o made it all possible in the first place; a big thanks t o al our stafiFM a t t , Kins, k d , Carrie, Slozza, Toolian and the one w h o started it all,
Jeff. Thanks for putting up w i t h t h e crap hours and not being t o o
superior w h e n w e made silly mistakes.
Also, and most importantly, because they don't get paid, w e w a n t to
thank the exceptionally gorgeous people w h o give their t i m e and
talents to keep us going; Josh (reviews guru). Ash ' n ' Frase (Sports), M r
M e n d (so tell m e , what's been happening on campus), Carrie
(Interviews). Of course then there is the people w h o don't have official
positions; Melea, Mel Quick Type M c G r a t h , Steve, Leigh, Shtepsi,
Mary-Lou, Brett P, Neil B, Sam Lewis, Sera (for making Dave look like
an ugly clown for his last ever layout) Eugene, w e still remember even
if you don't, Alix because you're ace, Y v e t t e , our indomitable Women's
Officer, for taking over where Janoel left off in t h e 'sorry I'll get it t o
you t o m o r r o w morning' stakes. Bev and Jennifer f r o m t h e A l u m n i
association for all your help w i t h mail outs. Jake the Brown D o g for
being available whenever you were needed. The spare light globes that
people w e hate have screwed w h e r e they fit. All the other schleppers.
M u c h appreciation also to Nick, Bill, Georgie, Symon, Pat, Zoe and
Gabby in activities (Thanx especially for the groovin C D Launch).
Thankyou to all the people in MAS-Denise, June, Michelle and t h e AE.
Thanks Joe for t h e Microwave. Thanks Prof Chubb and Gal Baldwin for
t h e funding for the huge extra w o r k load that w a s the C D . Thanks t o
all t h e people w h o just schlepp around t h e office(that's you Ari), you
m a k e us feel popular.
Oh look this is getting ridiculous, it isn't even t h e credits page.
We've had a w h o l e lot of f u n , f r o m t h e O-Week clubs edition through to
t h e various entertainment editions, t h e C D , Green Edition (It's About
Cans, not Can nots). Human Rights, Elections, t h e death of our student
association as w e k n o w it. t o this, the final edition. We hope you t o
have enjoyed t h e ride.
Of course you probably wouldn't have if you w e r e one of those loser
types w h o complained of bias throughout the year. Look, its like this.
We printed all t h e complaints of bias because w e aren't. Why would w e
print t h e m if w e were? To all those annoying loser types w h o have
complained throughout t h e year, get that ole familiar brown dog up ya.
By now you should be fairly touchy feely w i t h one another. That
especially means M a x and t h e boys
M y this is good music.
One of the strangest things about layout is h o w funny everything is a t
7 : 0 0 a m . Great comedians are born at sun rise, or is that great
audiences?
Finally, w h a t would an editorial be w i t h o u t a bit of a political rant?
Let's just leave it at this: Next year, V S U will be here - and t h e only
reason you w o n ' t notice too much diminution in services is because of
t h e very hard w o r k and lobbying done by anti-VSU campaigners and
N U S . We wouldn't have the Crean legislation (dodgey though it is) if it
weren't for the w o r k of people commonly derided as 'hacks', and the
very visible protests of activists. To these people w e say thank you and to the people w h o are concerned about the effects of this
legislation but didn't get off their arses to do anything about it w e say,
you are all a bunch of tuxxers.
To the Sodom's spawn who brought the scourge of VSU upon us we'd like to remind
you of something that you will never be able to escape: size does matter.
Well, that just about wraps it up for us. Once again, thanks to everyone who has
made this year enjoyable. Big doses of tinea to everyone who's deliberately been a
pain in the arse in the mistaken belief that w e are demi-gods who just whip off an
edition in a couple of hours and actually have the time to deliberately fuck them
over. We wish.
Thanks to everyone who has read Lofs this year. You are part of a great tradition
which w e hope will never die.
Lot's of Love
Leanne Paton
Uawela Forrest
Dave
Cody
'I
Qlbts ts what if ca/ferf an incredihty uglyfont. A font is the style of
UTiting that it vi. Incredibly ugly means that is incredibly ugly, only tn
lie used on one of those wanted type posters that you can get up at
SotKrign Hill with your name on it and that your friends think is the
cleverest thing in the UHirUi hut only cost you a ample of bucks and you
end up keeping it forever. Anyway, I digress. This contents heading
really spoils the page though, doesn 't it!'
campus news
4-5
get nude, dude
6
reclaim the night
6
education affairs
win $ 5 0 . just by writing a few words about your course!
7
baby boon boon boon let's go back to my... report
7
activities.. Nick reminices
8
women's officer report
9
Steve draws an hilariously funny cartoon
TO
(campus) politics shouldn't be a dirty word
II
resource allocation in tertiary education
12-13
the laypersons guide to the new union structure
14
environment page
15
graduate employment
How to get a job (well, where to start looking)
past graduates tell it how it is
that anti-climax known as graduation day
16-17
What Offends (the final entry really offends!!)
18
The Eternal Undergrads (bye, bye to Wayne & Hugh)
19
The Toasted Marshmallows
20
Origami - How to make a crane
21
Letters
22-23
Crossfire
24-25
Sport
26-27
Credits - the people we couldn't have done it without
28-29
Lot's On
31
Contents pa^es can he a really difficult
thing to design. There LS nniy so much
you can do with a page that tells yim
what's in store for the rest of the exciting
publication known only as Int's Wife. A
really funny thing to do would he to not
include a contenus page ai alt. That 'd
really stuff you up, wouldn 't it.' 7he?i
you 'd have to call up thai thing called
curiosity that we were all encouraged to
use as children hut have not develcped
further since about the age of six. Did
you use to hatJe an imaginary friend.^ I
think 1 did, 1 think 1 used to talk to him
outside the rose bushes in the backyard. I
can only recall this from a memory 1
have when my mother came in to the
yard to call me in for one of those
absouluteiy unappatising dinners that
you use to crack the shiLf oner, and I
screamed at her for interrupting me, I
stmnd like an incredibly fucked up child
really, don't I? Well, I wasn 7. The only
thing I really didn 'i like about mum's
cooking was her {una casserole with rice
and cold wholemeal thread just out of the
freezer (mum didn 7 hat>e a lot of
forethought when it came to food
preparation), 'that particular tuna meal,
I was on my way out (well, my mother
was on her way out on my behalf being
the taxi and all) to basketball practice
when she really put thefoot doum and
decided to really give me the shits. If I
didn't eat my meal, I wasn 'i going
anywhere. So I proceeded to play with
myfood (as you do) and stormed into
my bedroom and decided that throwing
furniture would be an excellent way to
get her attention (I was extremely
advanced in attention seeking psychology). She bounced on in, wooden spoon
in hand (the one with the really mean
face drawn in thick black texta that my
brother had grafted after a very close
encounter} and broke the thingfairon
my arse. I cried a little bit and told mum
she was a big bully.
My first memory (apart from sitting on a
sheep and trying to get it to gallop) was
waiting for ice-cream at Chad^tone. Not
the new Chadslone, hut the old one. The
one even before the really ugly extensions. I'm talking about the Cbadsione
that was half outdoors, and had a sort of
pantomine theatre, and a little old man
with a white beard and a bizarre redand-white Striped shirt who sold popcorn. Not Just any pop-corn, hut Chaddy
pop-corn. But 1 was in the Coles
cafeteria waitingfor ice-cream, artd
ktoking after my very small sitter. ForJoy.
I can't remember if I actually ^t any
ice-cream -1 assume I did, because I was
one of those spoilt kids, who everyone .
thought would grow up to f?e Prime
Minister. Sbyeah right. Media mega-star
maybe, but Prime-Minister. I think
not.
This photo was taken by Daniel Stefanski while attending the MUMPA conference in Cairo. It is such a
wonderful photo that we had to publish it!
Campus Roundup
news from Monash Clayton
Fiimmaicers
Fiimscreening
Child Care
Subsidies
From 1995, the Union will be
providing child care subsidies to all
students with children in long day
child care. All full-time and parttime students are eligible to apply
for a subsidy, but the scheme is
means tested. Students must be
eligible for the highest rate of child
care assistance to qualify for the
subsidy, and the child must be in a
Class One centre or a child care
centre where feereUefapplies.
Subsidies will be paid directly to
the student, in either cash or a
cheque. Like the current Medicare
subsidy, the payment is made after
your child care fees are paid.
However, unlike all govemmem
subsidies, the Union subsidy is not
subject to any test concerning how
longyourchild is in child care. Any
length of time from half a day to 52
weeks can be subsidised.
The scheme aims to pay $5 per
day of your child care fees. The
subsidy starts from 1 January 1995.
Enquires can be made from
December to JuUe Meade on 9053125.
SPEAK UP ON SEXUAL HARASSMENT
By Chris White
Monash Filmmakers is a small
but increasingly active club on
campus that has been around for
about 20 years or so. This year the
club has mainly consisted of people
new to film making, but whal we
lack in skill we make up for with
enthusiasm. Apartfromthe various
social activities we have had
throughout the year: a trip away to
Phillip Island; a pub crawl; an
Academy awards night; a formal
dinner and rushes screening parties
(yes, we do drink lots of beer), we
have found time to produce quite a
number offilms.Thesefilms,along
with somefromprevious years, will
be compiled as part of the first
annual Filmmakers' screening in
lecture theatre H2 at lunchtime on
Wednesday the 26lh of October
1 lave you noticed a new type of video game in the Union
Building? Well, it looks like a video game, but it isn't! Looks
can be deceiving... and everything is not as simple as it looks..
Watch out for SPEAK UP - a new video on what men think
about sexual harassment and whal they do about it.
Thi.s week on the Clayton campusthe Equal Opporlunty Unit
and Monash Union are jointly hosting the new video SPEAK
UP. This videoisa little hitdifl"erenl...itlakesaiTiaIe perspective
and explores roles and options that men can take in eliminating
and educating olliers about what .sexual harassment feels like,
what can be done about it, and how it affects people.
WATCH OUT FOR SPEAK UP WATCH OUT FOR
SPEAK UP WATCH OUT FOR SPEAK UP WATCH OUT
FOR SPEAK UP WATCH OUT FOR SPEAK UP WATCH
OUTFORSPE.\KUI».
—
(the last week of semester). Most of
these short films are the work of
first time directors.
chainsawbedroom scene!), and still
in postproduction are Yumi Stynes'
untitled movie about a journey
across the Westgate bridge In a
Kingswood and the practice of
Dan Brodie's COLLECTING is naming cars after anatomical
a little vignette about what a objects, and Adam McLellan's THE
dangerous trip fundraising can be about a wife whose revenge on her
around the Union lawn (featuring slob of ahusband is complicated by
the stunning debut performance of un wanted visitors(thescones tasted
Lawrence of Suburbia), Stuart great too).
Jacobson's AN INSIDE JOB is an
action thriller about a heist with a
romantic twist (check out the
Forthemeagreentrance donation
amazing stunt driving!), Michael
of $1 (the P.C. way of asking for
Friedman's TIC TOC is about a
money), you can experience the
yuppie businessman who gets a
cinematic thrill of film making in
chance to amend his materialist
its most uncooked state (ie very
ways, Antony Lowenstein and
amateur) and provide valuable
Chris White's AWAKE is about a
support to a club trying to keep
man who's life is falling to pieces in
cultural activity on campus alive in
a waking dream state (see the
'95. Oh yeah, and inebriated.
Acupuncture n o w part of
undergraduate degree
by It/larc Cohen
world to include acupuncture as a
formal part of the course.
For the past two years Monash
Uni Medical students have been
introduced to acupuncture as an
optional unit in second and third
year. This attempts to reconcile the
fact that an MBBS degree entitles a
doctor to practise acupuncture,
despite
no
teaching
in
undergraduate years. This
acupuncture option has been the
most popular option offered, and
Monash is the tirst university in the
As part of a move towards
including teaching in acupuncture
for all medical students as part of
their MBBS degree (rather than
just an option), the Monash Medical
Faculty is proud to announce a
public lecture on the subject. Lord
Pandit Professor Dr Sir Anton
Jayasuriya will be giving a guest
lecture titled "Why every doctor
should know acupuncture". He is
the head of Medicina Altemativa
Instilitute in Sri Lanka, where over
2.5 million patients have been
treated free of charge, and is the
author of over 35 text books.
This lecture is open to all
interested staff and students
(whether medically trained or not)
and laypeople.lt will includeslides,
videos and demonstrations, and will
be heldinthe South I lecture theatre
on Wednesday 26lh October, from
4.15 to 6.15 pm.
How will the environment manage without you?
DEPARTMENT OF MATERIALS ENGINEERING
MONASH UNIVERSITY
If you would like to put your biological qualifications to a
practical use, consider these postgraduate courses in
PRIORITY PhD SCHOLARSHIP IN
BIOMATERIALS RESEARCH
Ecology and Management
Graduate Certificate, Marine and Freshwater (Semester 1)
Graduate Certificate, Terrestrial (Semester 2)
Graduate Diploma, Aquatic and Terrestrial (2 semesters)
Masters (3 semesters)
For further information contact:
Dr George Ganf, Department of Botany
The University of Adelaide, 5005
Telephone: f08) 303 5292/5280
Facsimile: (08) 232 3297
Applications close 30th November
Tuesday 1Bth
October 1994
An Australian Postgraduate Research Award (Industry) is available to work
on a collaborative project involving the Department of Materials
Engineering, Monash Universty and a leading Adelaide-based ophthalmic
lens manufacturer. Ttie project involves the tabrication and
ctiaracterisation of novel hybrid ceramic-polymer coatings with the aim of
improving the abrasion resistance of plastic optical lens. Occasional trips
to Adelaide are expected to make use of the industrial facilities there.
Applicants should have an HI or HllA honours degree in chemistry,
physics, materials science or materials engineering and must be
Australian or permanent residents. The scholarship is set at the priority
rate of $18,866 p.a. for 3 years with a possible extension for 6 months.
The project is to be supervised by Dr G.P. Simon and Dr Y-B. Cheng in the
Department of Materials Engineering. Please send a letter of application
including CV and the names of two referees, and list of marks (obtained
and projected) to Dr Y-B. Cheng, Dept of Materials Engineering, Monash
Uni, Clayton, 3168. For inquiries phone Dr Cheng on 90-54930. Closing
date for applications : 16th December 1994.
Campus Roundup
news from Monash Clayton —
The Bachelor of Arts: under review
"a leaner, less complicated degree"
By Christopher Anderson
Arts Faculty Board
Representative
The Bachelor of Arts review is
the pet project of the recently
appointed Dean of Arts, Dr Marian
Quartly. In an interview vj\\hLot's
Wife in May this year, she indicated
that she wished to reconstitute the
Bachelor of Arts degree program to
include a component on the
theoretical and practical aspects of
knowledge that, "will create a
student with a good range of
knowledge under his or her belt."'
Over the past few months, the
newly constituted Academic Pol icy
Committee of the Faculty of Arts
has been working on a prop<isal to
restrucmre the Bachelor of Arts
degree program. Adiscussion paper
that has been circulated to staff,
entitled Reshaping the Monash
BA: Ainis and Means', has been
obtained by student representati ves
on Arts Faculty Board.
While containing
some
worthwhilereflectionson the idea
of aBA, the paper proposes acentral
strategy, that "the Faculty should
aim to cut the numbers of subjects
taught, producing a leaner, less
complicated degree"^, so as to solve,
"existing inefficiencies and
inequities in staff deployment..."'.
To implement this economic
rationalist strategy, thepapermakes
three majorrecommendations with
impUcationsforBAstudents. These
three proposals are as follows:
implemented by 1995.
2. Requiring students to take
28 points in study on:
acritical and/orcomparative
study of Austrahan culture and
.society AND;
acritical and/orcomparative
study of another culture or cultures
AND;
sizes, incidence of overcrowding
etc.
It appears that the
recommendations will inevitably
leadloiarger lectures,overcrowded
classes and decreased access to
teaching staff by students. Also in
the long term it could well mean a
reduction in teaching staff if student
numbers don't increase (which
appears unlikely).
a critical study of the nature
of knowledge or knowledge's
These proposals are completely
in the spirit of an efficiency and
amalgamation agenda being run by
to be implemented by 1996.
University administration. Across
3. "Cut the numbers of
the University degree programs,
subjects taught, producing a leaner,
Departments and even whole
less complicated degree."',
Faculties are being, or have recently
especiallyfirstyearsubjects, Tobe been, reviewed to reach a leaner
1. Introducing "a compulsory implemented by 1997.
academic and managerial structure
firstyearsubject..., introducing such
The Dean has insisted that these (the most recent example is the
skillsascritical reading., .notetaking, proposals will not impact on staff ongoing review of the Faculty of
tutorial presentation,data gathering, numbers, although no assurances Science'). Feeling amongst
essay writing..."'etc. To be have yet been made about class students, and Arts students in
particular, appears to be that
decreasing the number of subjects
is not the way to go. Rather,
Faculties should be expanding the
number of subjects offered,
especially at first year level.
Overall the long term result of
these trends will be that the
marketability of a Monash degree,
in particular a Monash BA, will be
impaired, as such proposals will
not improve the quality of Monash
degrees, but decrease it.
I Lot's Wife, May Hth 1994, p. 8.
- Academic Policy Committee,
'Reshaping the Monash BA: Aims and
Means'. (Monash Uni, 1994), p. 1,
'Ibid.
' Md. p. 2
'Ibid.
' Elcelera. Issue 33, August 30, 1994.
p.4.
Union Board Update
"the 1995 amenities fee"
The amenities fee will not be
known for some weeks until the
size of the Sports And Recreation
budget is finalised and the fijll
On the 6th of October the Union effects of VSU are known. Under
Board met principally to discuss Commonwealth legislation, the
the 1995 Union Budget and the Union and the student associations
Amenities Fee. Due largely to good receive a Commonwealth grant
management on the part of the equal to the amount necessary to
Union, the Board was able to
recommend that the amenities fee
remain at $330, despite early fund activities not covered under
indications that it would have to VSU legislation. Monash will be
rise substantially due to exhavagant the first university to receive such a
spending on thepart of some student grant. Estimates on how much this
associations.
grant will be have to be varied, but
By Brian Weatherson
Union Board Representative
itappearslikelynowthatdieimpact the financial burden on students at
of this will be to reduce the fee by the start of the year. Hopefully diis
change will be approved by the
$10.
University in time for 1995
enrolments.
The Union budget remained
essentially balanced, widi extra
spending due to increased spending
by MAS (12% rise) and MPA (8%
rise) and salary increases being
offset with efficiency gains in
Union Board decided to extend Building Services and Clubs &
Union Board has recommended the position of MAS Activities
Societies as well as extra profits
to the University that the amenities Officer to a fiill-time position, in
from the Catering and Retail
fee infiitureyears be payable in two recognition of the amount of work
Operations. The Union budget was
instalments, one at the start of each in this area. Activities nextyear will
also boosted because the University
semester. This would be a fairer be heavily involved with
enrolled more students than was
system for students, as they should orientation, hopefiilly including two
expected at the start of the year.
not have to pay in February for major outdoor events, and the
Unless the University again overservices they do not receive until amount of planning and preparation
enrols in 1995, the 1996 fee may
November. It will also help to ease needed in this area is bound to rise.
have to rise.
^ ^ H S ^ U K J I M A I ^ M
\^mU^SWu
& O H w l I
The Orientation Handbook is a reference guide to Monash University given to all
commencingfirst year students across thefive campuses of Monash.
• • S m c l h n A H
• • ^ " B*******^"*
^^^ Editors are currently seeking out of ttie tiny crevices of the University, talented graphic
artists to help design and define ttie look of ttie publication, specifically ttie cover design.
1995
If you are interested please contact the Editors, Simon or Michael on 903-2561 or Llawela on 905-3184.
Lots Vme
EdKionie
GET NUDE, DUDE !
Ok, which of the following is the odd one
out:
y.
Pornography
2/.
Voyeurism (Peeping Toms)
3/.
Prostitution
4/. Swinging Couples (Wife Swapping)
5/. Beastiality
6/.
Nudism
Anyone that picked 6 should be a nudist,
anyone else could be a Pimp, Penthouse
"pet", a prostitute, or someone who may one
day need either marriage counselling or a
short jail term to sort out their psychological
"biases".
Yep! Nudism is normal, accessible, fun
and it's thriving.
Why would anyone want to become a
nudist? Well, why would anyone not want to
be one? Inhibitions? The associated social
label? Wanting tofil in the social "norm"? ...
soriy these reasons are all a little meek and
insecure. If one needs self confidence to be a
nudist perhaps the reverse is also true: nudism
builds self confidence. If it's still not for you,
OK, but read on anyway.
There are thousands, nay,millionsof people
who see nudism as normal, and anything
outside of it as "abnormal" (we are bom
nude!). While no-one advocates total nudity
in every facet of life (frying bacon and arc
welding are two examples!), all we want is
just the freedom to give clothing a miss when
and where it's appropriate. Nudists aren't
militant and we don't want anarchy. It seems
that our biggest opposition comes from
fundamentalist idiots who seem to think that
being nude causes you to bum, pillage, rape
and kill.
too far off when Bondi or St Kilda Beaches
are as Clothing Optional as the largest beach
inHolland,Scheveningen.Someofo'urcilies
already have such beaches and they are
probably more popular than the "textile"
beaches. Try Swanboume beach in Perth,
Sunnyside in Melbourne, or Lady Jane in
Sydney.
Why is nudism outside those other
classifications above? Well in a way nudism
is a fire break for the less healthy
manifestations of sexual repression, sounds
Freudian? I guess so, but it makes sense! One
philosophy adopted is that it demystifies the
human body without destroying its sensuality.
No, you don't become obUvious to it all, just
accustomed, and in some subtle way a little
intoxicated with the "conrectness" of it. You
only need to feel itonce to know what I mean.
Another significantdifference is that you can
involve any of your kids, neighbours, the
vicar, a Local Member of Parliament (et
cetera) without any fear of recrimination.
Try to do anything else from the list with the
fainily and you could be in strife. One
parliamentarian even went in the buff to
defend one of Sydney's nude beaches.
Women are less under threat on a nude
beach than at the footy, this is because there
is a common ground for all and there is an
unspoken code of correct behaviour which
everyone partaking in a nude activity will
defend. There are still oddballs around that
may see nudism as an avenue to express their
perspective. These goonseither become bored
or cured, perhaps as acceptance of the nude
body becomes more widespread they may
disappear altogether. In this way nudism
represents social progress and collective
maturity.
It's a little sad that many people don't
Anyone who has been to the Greek Isles or discover nudism until quite late, and this
the south of France, hel I evenrightnext to the means that nudism has a more "manire"
RiverSeineinParishasprobablyencountered
participation. It makesitalittle like an inverse
nude people just soaking up a little freedom. generation gap where the older people are
This last spot is sort of like going nude on the advocating change toayouth that may still be
banks of the Yarra, right in the centre of
harbouring theexccss baggageof an imposed
Melbourne. We may have a long way to go view of "normal behaviour". If you feel
before we get there, but maybe the time isn't inclined to change this trend and get away
from all the sexual hype contact VYNE,
ANF, or NAV at the addresses following this
article. If you have internet access try the
REC.NUDE newsgroup, any questions
answered or topic discussed.
What do nudists do? Some places and
activities are: Beaches (there are all too few
of them), S witimung pools (ditto). At home,
Bush walking. Camping or Hiking, Snow
skiing, perhaps (weather permitting). Indoor
activities such as bowUng, squash .... Can
you imagine any more?? Hope to see you
down the beach one day.
CONTACTS
Viuon mVounj Nudist (nllmsn'.MVVNI i tH) Box H(XK,Ci MdKium^ MX)!.
\us(niun Nudist Kd^ntion ( \NF"i IK> Bux 2iS8 BtUoniKn AC! 26P
Nudist As-^o^idtHnjotVictiniiCNW) K) Bex I H MunUtiptlilc \ic '^Ibtx
CloihiiigOptionil SttiiuUsC o!lu't\t f OSC
r o s e w d propchcj group lor pcopk who icd tlitrre "uf sume a«.ti\ itics that should tx" tfene
without thi tnciinitxniiui. •)! iUrihiny Miny sptifts aiid ^otial dttiviues Idll into this
L -.111 g u r } .
Ttie colicctivc wouid be a Ibmm where activities cuuld be fmiposed/organis^xi atid ihc COSQ
members could join in with other clubs/stKieties thai may ^iready have the resourres and
tnrnistmcturc.
This mcuns thai \\\h club h;is the potential to contribute members to mitny other clubs while it
may aist> draw its menrbers (am\ other cJubs. Plus it cxmki be a lot of i'un. however, this is
HCTT an avenue i'or sexual orgies,
Please consider ihts and if you have any suggestions call
BK Greg on extension 54964
AH Nina on 885 6427
I LOVE THE NIGHTLIFE
Women Reclaim the Night
On Friday 28tii October- in Melbourne,
and all the other capitalcities of Australia and
all around the world, women will reclaim the
stt-eets, chanting, dancing, and lighting the
night together.
numbers have been increasing - last year
thousands of women gathensd in Melbourne's
streets in a collective show of strength.
One aim of the march is to allow women
attending to experience a liberating feeling
of safety walking through the streets at night
that we can never feel when alone. Another
aim of the rally is to highlight male violence
against women and children - violence that
takes many forms, and is prevalent on the
streets in the home, and in other institutions.
The 16tii Reclaim The Night march will
begin at6.30pmat Parliament House-where
tiiere will be speakers, music, street theatre,
floats and other fe.stivities - and end at the
State Library. After the rally hundreds of
women will make their way to the .San Remo
ballroom in Nicholson Street where a
The rally focuses in the main on men's
women's dance is to be held
violence against women and children, as
In 1978 San Francisco, America's first 98% of violence is perpetrated by men. This
Take Back The Night rally was held, and violence manifests in many forms on a
from the following year hundreds of women continuum from wolfwhistles, to sexual
gathered here in Melbourne for thecity's first harrassment, sexual assault and domestic
Reclaim The Night march. Since then, violence. Other forms yf violence - lesbian
violence and violence perpeti^ted against
men, are acknowledged by Reclaim The
Night. What the rally is about however, is
protesting against forms of gender specific
violence orviolence that isjpeci/icaWy armed
at women.
This year - The Internationa! Year of the
Family, Reclaim The Night will focus on
male violence against women and children in
the home, dispelling the myth of the nuclear
family as always beinga'safe'place. Another
theme of this year's rally is to bring to light
the inadequacies of mainstream definitions
of the family that are represented and
perpetuated in the media. The concept of the
family "norm" as being white, middle class
and nuclear is a hoary old chesmut - and a
myth that needs debunking in favour of new
definitions of "families" that incorporate
oiher kinds of families (ie lesbian families,
extended families and self/community
defined families).
Violence in the home is inseparable from
the way women are treated in public eg
education, work, and social situations.
Incidents that have occurred recently and
have been highlighted in the media are
testimony to the fact thatfliethreat of violence
is still very much a part of the social context
of the way Australian women live their lives.
Through rallies such as Reclaim The Night
women can use their collective strength
towards challenging and changing society.
ForftirtherinformationpleasecontactMamie
Daphne on 537 2891 or Annie Reid at CASA
on 344 2210.
EDUCATION AFFAIRS COMMITTEE HAS GONE COMPLETELY MAD!
WIN $50 JUST BY SUBMITTING YOUR COMMENTS TO THE
COUNTER FACULTY HANDBOOK
Just what is the Counter Faculty Handbook?
The CFH is che vehicle for students to
express rheir opinions and views on issues
affecting them within their educacion here
at Monash. Its main function is to present
students' views on the quality of subjects
taught, the standard of teaching staff, and
handy tips to do well in those subjects. This
allows students considering subjects an
honest insight into which subjects are the
most flilfiliing/entertaining/slack (insert
pteferred adjective here) unrivalled by any
info provided by the University itself. It's
also a highly informative and entertaining
publication that's essential reading for ail
students wanting to extract the most out of
their time here. Why? Because its the
students that make it. And that's where you
come into the picture—
What was that you just said about winnifig an
easy $30?
One random student from each feculty who
submits a subjective analysis proposal and
gets published in the CFH will have a cool
Cut here: •
byMattAnstee
Education Affairs Chairperson
crisp $50 note (ot denomination of your
choice) slipped into their palm. Not only
that, but you will feel that indescribable
ecstacy of knowing that (a) you've been
published in a reputable publication (b)
you're doing future students a service and (c)
you can either praise or bury that lecturer
that has either inspired you or sent you that
little bit too close to the brink of academic
despair [no defiimatory material obviously].
What do I hatv to do to truike that $50 mine
again?
Write a short description of your subjects,
according to the criteria below and take it to
the Union Information Desk where it will
be placed in a sealed box. You must put
your name and phone no on it but it will be
published anonymously and kept strictly
confidential.
What was that criteria thing you were talking
about?
The following are just suggestions of what
you might consider and there's no need to
refer to any/all of them in your response:
What is the style of teaching? How
available/approachable is the lecturer/tutor
etc? Do you have any handy tips for doing
well (eg suggested texts, exam techniques,
importance of tutes/pracs/lectures)? Is the
subject vocationally based? Does the subject
cover the wider social and policy issues? Are
you encouraged to question and challenge
the theories that are being taught, or are you
asked to regurgitate uncritically? Is the
workload heavy/light compared to other
subjects? Does the teacher seek and value
your opinions? Does the teacher use
humour, is it effective/offensive? Is the
assessment fair and reasonable?
•
Subject name/ code/ year:
My name/ phone number.
Is it true I can get an article published and stand
to win even more?
Absolutely. We would love to receive an
article from you on any issue regarding your
education (in both che narrow and wide
sense) here at Monash. Once again we'll be
providing super prizes, but more about that
later. Its up to you whether it be serious/
fiinny/personaJ/issue based/critical/angry or
silly. If its original, interesting and
hopefiilly a little entertaining then hop
aboard. These articles can also be submitted
by the end of Semester.
Is there anything else?
The Education Af^irs Committee will be
doing the layout in the Lot's offices straight
after exams and we"d love to have fellow
helpers who are interested in the experience
of creating an innovative, top quality and
entertaining CFH. We love meeting new
people and apparently they love meeting us.
Find out if this wild claim is true. Either
come to an EAC Meeting in Room 905
Menzies Building 1.00pm Tuesdays, or talk
to Matt Anstee in the MAS Office.
COUNTER FACULTY HANDBOOK SUBJECT ANALYSIS FORM
Lecturer's name
MAS TVeasurer; Final Report
Well, its the end of second semester and my
term as Treasurer will soon be over (finally!).
It has been a very eventful year to say the
least, with the tragedies and numerous dirt
sheets that flew around. However, I am
happy with what was done for Ihe benefit of
students by all the student representatives.
In thisfinalreport, I would like to just recap
on what was done, as well as what will
happen for next year financially.
MAS Finances for 1994
Thefirstand most important matter was the
tightening of the MAS payment system
with an emphasis on the payment
instruments. Also, steps have been taken
this year to increase the interest generated
from our bank account, which for the past
few years was at a ridiculous amount for
such a large account. I also helped in the
restructtjring of the union widi a paper that
set out the financial procedures for all the
associations, guaranteeing their autonomy
and also ensuring accountability. After the
exams, another paper will be prepared to set
out the entire Union/MSAfinancial structure,
emphasising the need for greater
accountability and prudent management.
Amenities Fees for 1995
Nextyear. the projected amenities fees (before
the commonwealth grant*) should be
maintained at the 1994 level, $330. This is
still notfinalised yet, with approvalfromthe
Joint Finance Committee and University
Council yet to come. However, I am very
confident that the fee will be maintained.
This has been made possible from the
commercial activities of the Union, ie
catering and retail that has increased dieir
surpluses consistently. These surpluses
hopefully mean diat students will not be the
ones who will pay for any increase in services
in the future, if this trend continues. Also,
we are seeking to have a two part payment
for the amenities fees, eg $165 for each
semester. This will mean that students no
longer have to put up all the cash at the
beginning of the year.
*NB; Do take note that due to VSU, die
amenities fees for next year will be less than
$330, this is because the services that are
disallowed by the Victorian Act will be
funded from commonwealth grants.
MSA(MAS) Budget for 1995
MSA will have in 1995 the biggest budget
that MAS has ever had for our present level
of services. It is in the vicinity of $791,000,
compared to this year's $700,000. Most of
the increases are for the restructuring cost
that will be incurred in 1995, which will
hopefiilly provide sufficient contingency
funds to meet any nasty surprises.
Finally, I would like to thank the staff in
MAS, especially Denise (the Ogre),Michelle,
Sie (the paymenthound from hell), Sylvia (a
gem) and Les for helping me so much
during the year.
Baby Booners
AE Treasurer
Lofs WHe
Edition 16
MIAS ACTIVITIES
PRESENTS
^^m
^ ^ ^
^^m
^ ^ ^
^ ^
A
^ ^ ^
^ ^
^^k
^ H
^m
^ ^ ^ ^
^1
/
f^^^^
^
As Monash inexorably slips back into its reputation for being the most
politically Left of all and those with vision take stock, I find myself writing the
last column for MAS Activities ever. Most likely the Editors will carefully
scrutinise it in case I blow a gasket and lay the boot into every arsehole I can
think of as a fitting farewell.
For now is the time to take stock, review and reminisce as I pack my
bags for the cultural wasteland of the West. This year I have suffered the
personal disaster of Luna Park, the outrageous success of the Band Comp
Booze-A-Thons, strained backs, failed exams and a range of associated highs
and lows. What this has meant is, in my opmion, a year of Activities that whilst
Nick Welsh
no means perfect was one that we gave a damn good shot at, where we came
Activities Chair
close to the brink but we put our faith back mto you and you came through.
Green Week saved our arses. But that was because, most of all, I believed that you wanted the old style Green Week but with a
few modem updates (thanks to the wisdom of Bill McGowan and of course his persistence).
This year it may mterest you to know, MAS Activities has provided entertamment for 7574 paying guests at our evening functions,
an uncountable amount at lunchtime concerts and activities including Green Week, free BBQs and Orientation.
183
of Coke
Slabs:
834
of Beer
W e have provided and you have consumed;
47
Botdes:
34 of Bundaberg Rum
26
of Solo
of Lite Beer
13
of Tooheys Blue
39
of Lemonade
70 of Jim Beam Bourbon
26
21
of Sunkist
of Water
36 of Southern Comfort
20
of Diet Coke
25 of Scotch
69 of Vodka
Bands and performers that graced Monash Clayton included:
17 of Bacardi Rum
Che Forrest, Andrew Elliot, Clowns of Decadence, Duck Cameron, The Clouds,
2 of Gin
Boom Crash Opera, Dr Succubus Circus and Luna Park, Clockwork, Dave
50 of Sambuca
Graney, Weddmgs Parties Anything, Tiddas, Ovemite Jones, Hurdy Gurdy, 7
Curses, Jane McCracken, The Whitlams, Stephen Cummmgs, Big Electric Cat,
Celtic City Preachers, Raspberry Cordial, Peachfuzz, Barefoot, Stronger Than
Dirt, Inclusion, Pamters and Dockers, Bellydance, Bad Boys Batacuda, David
Cassell, Thmgs of Stone and Wood, Swordfish, Treehouse, 6 Appeal, Curtis
Late, Jimi the Human, Heavy Denver, The Jaynes, Aubergine, Quite & Very,
Greenhom, Psychosphere, Magic Dirt, No More Chilli Jam, D'Lerium and
Hunters and Collectors, not the Sharp and defmitely not TISM.
This related into a turnover of $280 000 and a fuckmg huge time was
^^^a^^^^^m^^^m^^^^^^^^m^^^^^^^^i^
had by all I Relationships began or ended at one of oiu Nights, legends were
made, hang overs remembered and I disgraced myself terribly at the 3MU Blow
Up The Cellar Thanks to Pat Kissane, my flower bed will never forget that night nor will Zoe who seemed to get the raw end of the deal
hoping for Crowded House We had the largest (turnover wise) Indoor Union Night ever, took you to Luna Park and we are set to eclipse
that with Orientation '95. We introduced Cover Band / Spirit Nights, messed with drmk prices until it was suicide to go any cheaper,
stressed over our failures and decided that 1 had more than flogged a dead horse with the Cellar. In retrospect they should have been
alcohol nights, it seems no one was really mterested in the Bands, only free entry and grog which ultimately ends in damage bills and
bloody noses
W e saw the mtroduction of the Poster Pillars, possibly the dumbest, most impracticaJ and immanageable
idea in the history of Admin disasters. Hunters & Collectors finally felt we had got everything right and it seemed
^ ^
^^k
that every Lecttrrer in the Mmg Wmg had a pet hate about lunchtime entertamment. The Gramstore and The
^K
A ^^^
Tunnel got mto the spirit of things by givmg out free beer and advertising with us and Activities began to fulfil
^m
^ ^
^ B
its role m aiding and abetting in the events put on by other Clubs such as Pandemonium, Cellar Nights, CD
W
^ ^ ^
^
Launch and MYE Orientation events.
I
^ ^ ^ ^
J
So what's on the cards now? Somehow next year MAS Activities must become something new and
exciting, a part of the Monash Student Council. It must find new playing venues and hold your attention and
appeal. It must come up with new ideas and events and it must find ways to combat and get around VSU. It must
upgrade its equipment and most of all it needs you. Without your involvement, how can we be your Student run
Entertamment Department Sure it lacks the glamour of Lots Wife and the only work to be had is damn hard but
it's fun and to be honest, we're a bloody good bunch of people once you get to know and have a beer with us.
Out with the old ...
I spent seven years at Monash, got a few degrees, a tremendous job m Perth and for the last four years had
... In with the MSA? a great time in Activities. The best times I had were outside classes, what I most talk about to my work colleagues
is the great fun I had at Monash, the Scav Hunts, Concerts and great spirit of those determined to enjoy their
University days. It's your last great chance to have a ball, sleep in, have holidays, stay up really really late and
go home when you've had enough for the day Too often these days I see that people aren't taking advantage of this and most likely will
live to regret it. So for a word from the wise (wisdom does come from bemg stuck at Uni for so long) Be
Involved!
Up the Fremantle Dockers and better luck next year North!!
Nick Welsh, Activities Chair
flCIIVITIES
This year 7574 paying guests came
to an evening event, that's neaily
50% of our full time Student
population ... and a huge time was
had by all!
nniviTiES
I Tuesday 1Bth
October 1994
IHliFliNAL WUMiiiN'SOl-HLliRRiiPOKl 1994
Whenever I sit down to write a report for LOT'S
there is always so much to tell. Thankfully this is
my last report as Women's Officer for 1994.
I'll start with congratulations to Kirrily Graydon
and Karina Nolan, (Kaz), TTiese two women will
job-share the position of Women's Officer in
1995. Congratulations also are in order for
Juliana Dickenson, Sharon Valles and Melissa
Stead, the three new menbcrs of the WAC. Bielcctions will be held early ncxtyear for a further
three positions.
N.O.W.S.A.
Monash sent 33 delegates to the Network of
Women Students in Australia Conference at
Macquaric University. Many of these women
liavc since contributed to the women and Media
campaign, DISSENT, have stood or election (and
won), or arc active within their own fecultics or
clubs, NOWSA is an inspirational experience for
the women who go and the benefits to Monash
pay off for the rest of the students time at Uni.
Already NOWSA delegates, with others, have
organised a National Day of Action on Women's
Reproductive Ri^ts, a theme and direction determined at the Conference. Melbourne women
held a forum at Melbourne Uni, which attracted
a large audience. Action has continued at a campus level, with investigations into and the provision of information to women on these issues.
Monash women are also following the debate on
RU486 with some interest.
NOWSA is in Melbourne in 1995, so if you want
to be involvetl in planning and organising a conference for women, contact Kirrily or Kaz. Go
on, it's fun.
BUDGET '95
Union timelines have always been troublesome
for students, blidget time usually occurs during
semester break when consultation can only be
minimal. This year, because of Union restructuring, budget time fell to the beginning of semester.
Timelines were still tight enough to prevent
broad canvassing of student opinion, however,
quite a few women, active in the WAC and the
women's room were involved in the formulation
of the budget.
The WAC have asked for $5,000 more for next
year. With NOWSA in Melbourne next year, we
will be able to provide administrative support,
mail-outs, newsletters, etc. The Women's 0(ficer without an office needs a pager. This was
discussed as a priority at NOWSA and the Admin
Exec have agreed to the necessity of women being
able to easily contact their Women's Officer.
The United Nations Fourth World Conference
of Women is in Beijing in 1995. The various
international Non-Govcmment Organ isationsarc
also taking the opportunity to meet, at what will
be an event of international significance; setting
the agenda for the women's movement for the
next decade. 'I"his conference occurs only once
every decade and applications to attend this conference close nationally in APRIL '95. Monash
will be sending Academic staff and negotiations
have begun to send two Undergraduate women
students. It is important for young women to be
involved at this level. There will be a process of
application early next year, so stay tuned, or ask
Kirrily or Kaz or mc.
We have maintained the level of our Projects
budget and Conference line item and increased
the DISSENT budget by $500,
So our budget looks like this:
Projects/
Campaigns
S6,100
Conference
Administration
DISSENT
tion)
NOWSA
tion
United
ence
Pager
Women's
rarium
$2,700
Si, 100
(Publica$3,500
administraSI.OOO
Nations
$2,000
Officer
$13,130
Confer$ 500
Hono-
TOTAL,..$30,030
Come to MAS or the Women's Room for the
budget notes.
Janoel Rolls
Back to Monash
As Monash students and staff
are aware, MAS Chair Janoel
Liddy has been recovering in
hospital this Semester from a house
fire in June.
She has asked us to pass on her
thanks for the support and
messages she has received from
everyone (including heaps of
people she has never met!).
Janoel is definitely on the mend she was sighted at Monash, on
Union Night rolling around chatting
to people.
She wishes it to be known that she
will return to fight the forces of evil
at Monash in 1995....
UNION RE-STRUCTURE
It has been more than difficult getting information about the rc-structure from Michael
Wilkinson - it has been exasperating, conflictual
and damaging. Michael Wilkinson was your
representative, (nominated byamajority vote of
the Admin Exec), on the Union structure committee, headed by Peter Summers, (from University Admin).
I opposed his nomination because I did not
believe he had the necessary knowledge for this
task, the skills in information dissemination to
enable student participation in the process, or
the integrity nor political will to advocate for the
combination of representation and services.
I have been proved correct by Michael's lack of
consultation, his advocacy of a split in the structure which operates services from the structure
which operates representation. His total lack of
accountability, first to the students who voted
overwhelmingly in the SGM (first semester), to
havcscrvicesand representation combined. Then
to to Admin Exec, who received one unsigned,
undated 'report,'which offered more confusion
than satisfaction and exposed a clumsy attempt
to get men onto the WAC!
WOMEN and the NEW STRUCTURE
The Women's Officer has a seat on both the
Monash Student Association and the Monash
Student Board. This means that women will
have an avenue to ensure that their needs are
heard in both service provbion and representation.
The Women's Affairs Committee will become
a more autonomous organisation and the committee will be expanded to nine voting members , Tliere wil 1 beone representative each from
MAPS, MUlSS and MPA, and six generally
elected women students elcted by and from
Monash women,
A draft constitution for the WAC is in process
and will be entered into the Monash Student
Association constitution.
In this working document we have sought au-
tonomy in our fmances and elections. In turn,
we have created more realistic avenues of accountability to women students.
We have established Women's General Meetings to provide policy and direction for the
WACand Women's Officer. We also intend to
initiate an Annual General Meeting, to ensure
that there arc reporting mechanisms for our
activities. These pro visions were never available
to students in the M ASstructure and there are no
direct avenues for reporting in the new constitution. (In fact, the new constitution re-creates
many of the old accountability measures which
have never been adequate).
The document is available to students for discussion and comment will be actively sought.
I feel that I have left the Women's Officer
position and the Collective in the best possible
situation to be able to advocate for the benefit of
women students at Monash. The particular
achievement of women only voting for the
Women's Officer and Collective is very gratifying to me. Particular thanks go to Lara Woolf
and the women and men of Union Board and
University Council who supported this important recognition of the pjower and contribution
of women on this campus.
Thanks must go to the staff at MAS; Michelle,
June, Denisc, Michael, Sue and Sylvia, to Jim
and Lcs, to Tony, Jane, Gemmaand the staffand
volunteers at Wholefoods, to joe Curtiss,
Christine, (from BSO), Union desk suff, Cathy
Henderson, JacquieRobilliard.Juanitaand Bel,
to the LOT'S WIFE Editors to all my friends,
com rades and confidants, to the Mullers & Packers and to the women of the WAC and the
women of Monash and to Janoel...long and
happily may she live.
Yvette Shotemeyer
MAS Women's Oficer, 1994
=sp»c1njm
Tlnt-a-Cdr
LOOKS COOD. FEEU C M A
PROTECT YOURSELF AND YOUR CAR
WITH FORMULA ONE WINDOW TINT
The most advanced Auto Tint In the world!
Tests hove proven that new Formula One will not only out
perform other tints, It will last longer too.
Consists of a p a t e n t e d and
exclusive fomiula containing
Nickel Allov b o n d e d l o a
specially t r e a t e d layer of
potymeric film
Protects your
car's interior t o l<eep ttio
resale of your car titgtier
Blocks out to 99% Of UV Roys
- An equivalent to SPF 100+
Up to &5%
Heat Reduction
For Greater Comfort o n d sofety
Cuts out over 60% Of
ttie glare - For safer
drtvir^ d a y AND night
Reduces thte
Air Conditioning
load by 20 - 30%
A n r i it n a m e s w i t h AUSTRAUA'S FIRST 10 v e o r or 200.000 k m worrontvl
Should your tint develop even the sligfitest crock, bubble or blemish within
200.000 km of fitting: M Will S££LAQ£ IIBBS
Q£CHMSE-
TO FIND OUT MORE ABOUT OUR SPECIAL
PROMOTIONAL OFFER PLEASE CALL SIMON ON 569 1188
V\i,tny " " " * A 5 W M . I'we tlnuuv\
gi\ tyMV C9.v^o<»a -tViVs y e a y .
1- — , . o,/'»i/lH +ll«M . TllOM k Hex
A i r d i 'A'>'"' ' * " ' * ^
ovie drtu
VewjC) W l «
..I fl'PP*^ '''^t 4 comMitti a crimt . 1
tiflt Jawn the 5tf<i1 i^vKi l'"i 01 Ar'd.
Btixg a jjcd crtixew, I Called ^\\t ^ r t
Iwiga'it , a<llic>\ wa'i me. Ll*<.k|lui I iMi
Srnci I »»as TIK host rf CriwtsWoMS
on Tv/., t U t fl,:Jrt I d d a Sf»v« i n fJt
•fk< " b P " ' ^ " •"'" I " " " •^'"w IB*, fttt
u>tts) aid y l t ) lt;,'ti''lt.
^ (.oriiwrrv
«CT
of trie -^ sacje-fa--
I
iTi
"TA'^fif'^ie
ffl*»- -item. -(Vie S^»M laltJ(1
't(>»t n q k t
I w l to 1<ij>t rt), r ijo^td nijM/f in
.
.
•io -fde na/ict (mi,) onA et«>Kt<J mustlf
•foifli'- •
1
» p.-..^
Bfl^TaBaJ ^
©©ISC' o«'
ijgiiri
Thftt da>A |a1tv 1 Itt "Hi^lf <"*+
•tVi\iik'i>ia I wigltt havt rtf>»'p«M.
Whilst uoorkinj at llw. supntMirktl, I
1 Ihvf iVifH" « p»i(u +0 oUbrtite ( ^
suddiulu ))«M m^stlf up at «»n pomt
reWfl**..-.
b«t «ot into a fiaVit i^'itl, mi^sflf
ojiti' Ti«i/i»'\ too muci to drink.
an^ r » ^ « l n^u stbve,
T p f r r f t 1 even -rtw;*; of ipi-ewing^
\ 4 l a T (nifo"
'KT
ROW "
2.
Se I I t f t , t u t 30T htld up, in + l i t
Str-ttt, U WJtelf.
I Secidl I didn't
. . . b u t kneu ) •">* k m g . So I
bfrf iht. etop eat <t ""HSeJA and
t o o k mM s l « e $
CAMPUS
CONSERVATI
CORPS
^d in summer 94/95
'ohool%«-''^^"" projects'The Campus
Conservation Corps
provides tertiary students with an
opportunity to gain experience in a range of
The C.C.C. is organised by the Australian Trust for
Conservation Volunteers for the National Parks Service and the projects
chosen for the program are nominated by the Department of Conservation
and Natural Resources.
conservation activities, letting you spend the summer
break In a new and exciting way, and offering a practical way
to care for the environment.
Initiated in 1993 by the Minister for Conservation and Environment, Mark Birrell, the
Campus Conservation Corps offers a unique summer program of practical
conservation projects in Victoria's Great Outdoors.
This year's program includes coastal projects in the Wilsons Promontory National Park,
flora and fauna protection in the Murray-Sunset National Park, board walk and walking
track construction in Angahook Lome State Park and Alpine National Park and
completing heritage projects at Point Nepean.
»re there a^'i''''"^'^''''''or
costsl
Some basic conditions relating to common sense and safety apply for the
benefit of all volunteers.The only cost involved is $40.00 per week as a
contribution towards food. All you bring is your own bedding and
personal camping requirements.
'\i^^fesfg^7
Simply call the ATCV on (03) 602 4066 for further details and
registration forms will be sent out to you.
Country or interstate callers telephone 008 032 501
"POLITICS"
SHOULD
NOT
BE A
DIRTY
WORD
With Voluntary Student Unionism, the liberals
are trying to destroy student organisations in the
wrong ways, for the wrong reasons. There are
very good reasons for attacking student organisations - image politics, game playing, corruption,
careerist politicians and the bureaucratisation of
politics - but VSU b not the answer.
Liberal students offer an immature version of
politics where our rights arc defined by our
choices as consumers. What we pay for and own
matters more than what we say and how we say it.
Liberal students who promote VSU do not distin*
guish between political and economic rirfits thus
they argue that student organisation should sell
their product like any other. They do not see how
making decisions via elections, rcfercndums and
most importantly by Stu<lent General Meetings
are important democratic processes. Participation and debate are not valued. This year liberal
sGidents have managed to impose their degraded
form of politics on all students, notby convincing
them that VSU is good for students, but because
theyhaveaccesstolhose in power, TTic Victorian
State Government has intervened in student affeirs, overriding our dcmocraticdecision'making
process to implement VSU (coming to you in
199S!).
While I can argue vehemently against dicir position it has become increasingly harder to defend
ourstudent organisation, Tliere are obvious contradictions infightingfor an ideal of participatory
democracy when the reality is most like the
student elections we were unfortunate to witness
recently. Electoral politicsseemedtoreachanew
low this year. My concern is to rescue 'politics'
fi>3m the grime, to assert a different version of
politics which is worthy of passion. To do that
there is a necessity to critically examine what was
so wrong about the recent elections.
I always thought that students were apathetic
(which is partly true) but now I am realizing that
student politicians are much to blame for the
delegitimation of student unions and demoralization of student politics. 1 could talk about ballot
stuffing but that is too obvious a sign of corruption. What is of more concern is that students are
right to be cynical about most of the people
running in elections. Students sec through the
image politics and the trivia! game playing that
goes on between theopposingsides.Manypeople
I spoke to couldn't distinguish between the two
main tickets that were running and didn't feel
compelled to vote, which they had done in previous years. The electoral turnout was quite low,
indicating a high level of cynicism and apathy
amon^t students, which was particularly disheartening considering the support for the antiVSU campaign last semester. I, amongst quite a
few other people resorted to voting for Magical
Hacks, a joke ticket. I only voted for the people I knew had worked for the anti-VSU campaign and
women's campaign. I felt totally disempowered by the electoral process since it reminded me of state
and federal politics where there is no choice between the sterility of the party agendas.
It seems that image politics has come to be a major part of student elections (something I think should
be contained to state and Federal levels without contaminatinguniversities). These have been features
of election for the past 3-S years but what is most striking this year is (hat the "left, pro^ssive" ticket
used those means and far surpassed the right in slickness (i.e. swapcards). 1 am disappointed for
numerous reasons; 1) the conservatism of the United Students campaign which even had liberal blue
as an emblem. Their policies were innocuous and their politics were notablv absent. 2) I suspect the
lack of explicit politics was a facade whidi hid another facade; that the majority in this group actually
have a very underdeveloped, infantile political perspective which can hardly be identified as left or
progressive. 3) If they are left and progressive then they have misled students into voting for them and
have undermined the legitimacy of the democratic process. 4) The group claimed to come together to
unite against VSU. This is absolute bullshit, they were united to get into power in opposition to VISION
(Spe(nrum,Focus), the BADDIES (who arc undeniably corrupt). About 6 people were in the anti-VSU
campaign and 1 can verify this from the list of namc-s of those who attended meetings. T^iose otherpcople
in the group who obviously didn't care enough about the is.sue. Glad to see you cared so much during
election time guys, S) Some of those who were actively involved in the anti-VSU campaign felt quite
uncomfortable about others who screamed out slogans .such as "United Students Against VSU". The
discomfort arose from the appropriation of a campaign for election propaganda; this isn't about people
being genuinely concerned about the issue or issues, it is about using a popular campaign as a means to
an end, power. That is what I call a corruption of politics. 6) Ironically, the use ofimage politics confirms
the liberal students views that politics can be reduced to market principles where student groups are
sold to students much like the student organisation itself could be sold as a product. Forgetting the
practicalities of the scenario, the morality of image politics leaves a lotto be desired.
There were two incidents this year that hi^lighted the corrupted way many of these people view
politics. I hada warning ofthings to comeafterthe first Student General Meeting on VSU this year where
1,200-1,400 students voted almo.st unanimously in opposition to VSU (9 people for!). The SGM was
a euphoric experience with many students realizing the meaning of participatory democracy as their
ri^t to have control over their own aflair and to influence and make decisions about and through their
student organisation. At a gathering of campaigners and others after the event my partner overheard
a non-campaigner say how wonderful this result would be for elections. This sickened me to the core
and I would like to dissociate myself and many other campaigners from that sort of cynical, depraved
attitude. The other incident was the Student General Meeting in second semester which certain people
promoted for the ri^t reasons, because a lot of decisions over the new union structure have been made
without student knowledge or consultation. However, this SGM was used as a cynical vehicle for
election propaganda with candidates showing their faces. When Ben Moore spoke in the only way he
knows how, with honesty, sincerity and idealism, everyone else in contrast obviously ladced passion
and integrity.
No wonder students think politics is a dirty word
The anti-VSU campaign vv'as full of contradictions for me personally. I wasn't defending student
politicians, I was defending an ideal of student democracy and politics which is based on creating
meaning throu^ collective action, 'fhis is a (ar cry from the degraded form of politics we have seen in
student elections where there seems to be a lot of self serving egos who act as if politics is a game where
you try to outwit an opposition. These people are dangcroiis because without a belief system there is
no reasoning behind their actions, apart from self-gratification. They are unlikely to act consistently or
have an ethical framework which makes them receptive to the ideas of others or to perform their role
democratically. Ifthecndsjustifles the means then democracy is often left out of the equation. Politics
becomes neutered, barren and uninspired when removed from beliefs, desires and ideals.
This letter is not jus t a negative response to student elections.! want students to start demanding more
from student politicians, to realize politics doesn't have to be a trivial, corrupt game. Politics is ^ o u t
controllingourlives, being able to speak out for ourselves, to debate and discuss issues with others and
toactcollectively to change our world. Fucking hell, this is a university. If we cant create an exciting,
idealistic, participatory political environment what hope is there for the rest of society?
Kerry Wardlaw
A Co-ordinaKjr of the Aati-VSlJ Campaign last s
l^U^^M 540 0500 LEARN
Car & Truck Rentals
C LAYTO N
20%
Discount to all
Monash Staff
and students.
'Applies to brochure rates only.
Lot's WMe I
Edition 16
1]'i]
TO
The Monash Uni Sailing Club will be running a
sailing course for absolute beginners on 25th (night),
26th and 27th November. The instructors are from
Monash and are accredited by the Australian
Yachting Federation.
Overall cost - $30; Usual cost - $110. AYF logbook and
accreditation - +$5. BBQ is included on Saturday and
$15 deposit is payable to S&R Office. Leave the details
with the deposit so you can be contacted. For more info
contact a c'ttee member (see Club notice board).
NUMBERS ARE UM/Tm SOGETINEARLY.
PeSOUTce
Could it be that our illustrious goverment is telling fibs when it comes
How would you like to pay a
$ 1,000 up-front charge for your education before you enrol next year? In a recent report from the Department of Employment, Education and Training,
$1,000 up-front charges were proposed
so that extra enrolments could be funded.
The report called Resource Allocation
in Higher Education also proposed tuition fees for students who would be allowed to enrol if they failed to get into
university under the publicly funded allocated 'quota' for undergraduate
enrolments. These highly problematic
proposals formed some of the 'options'
put forward by DEET. For students, the
last eight years has seen an erosion of
public commitment to the funding of
higher education.
wards thecostsof their degrees. This was
argued on the basis that students benefit
from higher wages and hence should pay
some ofthe costs. The 1988 Hobart conference explicitly rejected any form of
up-front fee on the basis that this would
advantage the rich, and FfECS became
part of ALP policy. Despite this opposition to up-front fees, the Federal Government was amended the HECS
scheme, to make it less favourable to low
income earners and to advantage those
who could afford to pay their HECS upfront by increasing the discount.
Central to the recommendations of
the report Resource Allocation in Higher
Education is the assumption that the
large growth in enrolments in higher
education in the previous few years has
been funded out of public coffers. Indeed the resource report in its opening
remarks limits its options when it takes
the approach of the Minister in assuming that the capacity of the Commonwealth to continue to expand publicly
funded places has approached its limits
(Johnston; 1994, p.4).
The push towards increased userpays was not limited solely to amending
the HECS legislation, since 1993 there
has been a focus on reducing the government's commitment to the public
funding of higher education through;
The limits upon the higher education sector are numerous, but in the context of the report what it presumably is
referring to is the limitation within a
budgetary context. This assertion can be
immediately traced in its origins to the
1993 budget where Minister Beazley
stated that "There are limits to the funding the Government can direct to higher
education. It has developed measures to
ensure that the present amount of pubic
support for higher education is used by
as many Australians as possible"
Beazley (1993: p.5).
Since the 1988 Hobart Conference
of the Australian Labor Party, the Federal Government has introduced or attempted to introduce a number of userpays measures. The Higher Education
Contribution Scheme was introduced by
the government on the basis that this was
to cover the contributions of students to-
•Fees for second degrees, (defeated in the Senate)
• One and a half time HECS, (defeated in the Senate)
• Deregulation of Post-graduate
fees, (successfully inttoduced)
• Tuition fees, (proposed)
• Charges, (proposed)
International Context
As a measure of public commitment to education, measuring its proportion of GDP is a fairly crude device. A
measure that took account of the population's ability to afford education (GDP
per capita) in relation to the funding per
student, would provide a better indication of public support for education.
Unfortunately, Australia has not been
included within this measure except for
a reported total amount of funding from
public and private sources per GDP per
capite of 66.4.(OECD; 1993, p.95).
Currently Australia is the lowest
taxed country within the OECD. Australia's total tax revenue stands at 29.2%
of Gross Domestic Product compared
with the OECD's average of 38.7%,
(OECD; 1993, p.74). In other words
AustraUa could increase its taxation revenue by almost 10% of GDP and still be
ranked as an average taxed country, (see
figure 1).
National Effort in Education
The proportion of GDP which is
devoted to education is often used as a
measure of comparison between countries to determine relative contributions
to education. The OECD publication
Education at a Glance compares both
the proportion of GDP committed to
education as well as expenditure per student per GDP per capita. Looking at expenditure on tertiary education for countries which report information for both
1988 and 1991 it can be seen that Australia's ranking internationally was reported as fourth in 1988 and third in
1991 (see table 1).
Adjusting GDP per capita and
outlays for university funding (public
and HECS) for price rises allows for a
figure for university funding per student
per capita to be calculated. If the contributions by the Commonwealth for research and Austudy are removed, then
an idea of the relative position of the
funding of university education activities by public and private (via HECS)
sources can be obtained. This data for
public expenditure contains the HECS
contribution which as argued below cannot be included within public contributions. If university funding has the
HECS component removed and then is
compared internationally Australia
rates in 1988 as eleventh out of fourteen, and fourteenth out of fourteen
(last) in 1991 (see table 2).
Comparing Australia's commitment between Expenditure as a percent
of GDP to Expenditure per Student per
GDP per Capita shows Australia in the
former as near the top of compared
countries whereas in the latter at the
bottom of the lost of compared countries. This is a result of the way that
data is reported by the OECD and the
Federal Government. The OECD receives the data from the Federal Government, the Federal Government then
uses this OECD data to back its assertion that Australia compares very well
internationally. The data sent to the
OECD contain funding for research
funding, Austudy and contributions
from HECS. This explains the difference between Expenditure as a percent
of GDP to Expenditure per Student per
GDP per Capita.
It has been a common line of argument through recent statements from
the Government and the Department of
Employment, Education and Training
(DEET) diat the expansion ofthe higher
education sector has occurred through
some form of Commonwealth largesse.
It is further impUed that further expansion of the tertiary education sector has
reached the limits of the capacity of die
government to finance this expansion,
and hence options are limited to the
maintenance of sectoral size at some
steady state or else increases in size must
funded be through an extension of some
user pays arrangement.
This report will examine the public and private funding of education in
recent times, and consider the assumptions of the resource allocation report.
The key theme in this submission will
be an examination of the assumptions
surrounding the terms, capacity, financial commitment and limits to expansion.
In terms of removing transfer
payments to students, the OECD (1993,
p.91) noted that France and the United
Kingdom included subsidies for food
and board within their expenditure figures, whereas other countries did not.
Hence removing transfer payments to
students was justified. The OECD also
noted (1993, p.91) that some countries
also included expenditures for research.
By removing the research component
and HECS contributions for Australia's
expenditure clearly represents Australia's position in pubhc funding of university education activities, and hence these
figures should be regarded as the bottom line.
Funding of University
Education Activities
If the changes in funding since
the introduction of HECS are looked at
we can get a picture of the Commonwealths commitment to higher education funding. Looking at the contribu-
198a
Japan
SpaJn
Portugal
Unrtotj Kingdom
B^^um
Sweden
Germany
Swttzerland
Norway
Austria
Ireland
Uniied Stales
Australia
Netherlands
Denmark
Canada
IJrtlMKirottln
Mean
Figure 1; Total tax revenue
as percent of GDP; 1991
0.36
0.5S
0.81
0.90
0.91
0.92
0.96
1.01
1.06
1.10
1.13
1.34
1.5T
I.Bi
2.03
2.23
1. U
1991
Japan
Spain
Qermaoy
Bet9)um
Portugal
Uniied Kingdom
Austria
Ireland
Switzerland
Sweden
Denmark
Norway
Uniied Stales
Australia
Neihertands
Canada
0.30
O.BO
0.90
0.90
0.90
i 00
MO
1.20
1.20
1.20
1.30
1.30
1.40
1.48
1 70
2,20
MB
Table 1: Public Expenditure on
Tertiary Education as a Percent of GDP
d
8
t
i
J
J1
1
allOcatiO n
to funding tertiary institutions? Michael Murphy does the figures..
tion from the Commonwealth to the
funding of university education since
1987 it can be seen that the total amount
has increased from $2.7 billion (198687) to $4.8 billion (1992-93), an average annual increase of 13.2% in 19868 terms.
category is further justified in that the
Australian Bureau of Statistics has recently revised their classification of
HECS from being included as a tax
within government revenue to that as a
charge and hence included within private consumpdon expenditure {ABS(b);
1993, p.43-44). DEET and the Commonwealth Government are apparently
still working under the assumption that
HECS forms part of the taxation revenue, and is continuing to report HECS
If personal benefits payments are
removed from the Commonwealth contributions a net figure for the funding
of universities is obtained. This figure
i9sa
Country
20.50
Couniry
France
27.60
United States
32,70
Franire
26,10
AUfliraild
35.00
Belgium
35-80
39.40
Austna
37,30
Austria
40.40
Denmark
43.70
Canada
42,60
Ireland
48,60
Sweden
43,00
Belgium
0.
1991
Australia
Spain
Spain
:a
50
24.00
2B50
Norway
50.00
Norway
47.00
Canada
50.10
Ireland
Unilad Kingdom
58-40
Sweden
52.60
58.70
United States
53.60
SwiizerlaDd
61.40
Unilfid Kingdom
63.30
Portugal
66.10
Portugal
67,10
Denmark
78.00
Switzerland
67,60
Average
46,20
Average
45.68
represent the funding from the Commonwealth to the running of Universities. From 1986-87 to 1992-93 die average annual increase of funding from
the Commonwealth was 11.1%. The removal of personal benefits payments is
justified by the simple fact that the Australian taxpayer is expected to cover the
living costs of student, and not other students who contribute privately (via
HECS) for the cost of their education.
If the contribution from the Commonwealth to Universities for the funding of research and a proportion of the
capital contribution is afso removed
then a net figure for the contribution
from the Commonwealth for the funding of education activities within the
university sector is derived.
The concept of separating HECS
trust fund payments and HECS up-front
payments from the Commonwealth's
contribution allows an overview of
changes to the funding of university
education since 1987. Until 1986, the
Commonwealth had primary responsibility for the funding of university education activities. The changes introduced since 1986, firstly the higher education administration charge and then
the higher education contribution
scheme have enabled the Commonwealth to fund growth in the university
system from student contributions
rather than from general revenue. Removing HECS from the public funding
II
li
- N« CommanmiiMkn ouiWv* en
Llntnaitily Edutnlion AdMllac
Adjusred tiM Educaiioi Prisss
- T«BI Outlays on Unnp»rs<y
Edimtion AdivtilM Miut\oa b
EdiKation PricM
as part of govermnent commitment to
higher education.
contributions to reflect real prices gives
an indication of real growth in funding
dollars since 1986.
If the debt and the up-fi-ont contribution for students for HECS is then
removed then from the above net figure for the funding of university education activities then an idea of the relative contributions from the Commonwealth and private contributions can be
obtained. The annual increase from
1986-87 to 1992-92 is a more modest
figure of 4.7%. This represents an absolute increase where inflation and GDP
increases have not been factored into
any of the above calculations. These
relative increases are displayed in figure 3.
The contribution that students
have made to the running of the recurrent costs of education activities is contrasted with the contribution made by
the Commonwealth. Figure 4, shows the
relative percentages of the contributions. It can be seen that student contributions have risen since 1986-87 to
1992-3 to approximately 23% of recurrent funding of university education
activities.
Growth in Gross Domestic
Product
Inflationary Effects
Looking at the total contribution
and the net Commonwealth contribution to the funding of education activities at Universities and adjusting these
If the real figure for the funding
of education activities from the Commonwealth is next compared to the real
gross domestic product then an idea of
the capacity of the Commonwealth to
fund education at university level can
be obtained. Figure 6 shows the relationship between the total funding outlays from the Commonwealth and students via HECS) in terms of GDP percentage and that of Commonwealth
funding only for education activities.
Conclusion
Assumptions about the capacity
of the public to suppon higher education have to based upon a better appraisal of the current situation. Firstly,
Australia's position internationally is
that of a low taxed, and low education
spending country. Australia's capacity
to increase public contributions to the
tertiary especially the university sector
is probably the greatest within the
OECD. Private contributions (via
HECS) covers 23% of annual funding
for university education activities. As a
proportion of GDP, the public funding
of education activities within universities has declined to approximately 0.54
References
ABS(a), 1994, Expendilure on Education
Australia 1992-93; ABS 5510.0, Auslralian Bureau of Statistics. Cant)erra.
ABS(b). 1994 National, Income and Expenditure and PiDduct; ABS 5206.0, Australian Bureau of Statistics, Canbetra,
ABS(a). 1993. Australian National Accounts; ABS 5204.0, Australian Bureau of Statistics. Canberra.
ABS(b), 1993, Government Financial Statistics Australia 1993-4, ABS 5510.0. Austfalian
Buicau of Statistics, Canberra, pp. 43-44.
Beazley, K.. 1993, Higher Education
Budget Statement 1993, AGPS, Canbetra
Beazley, K,. [993, Higher Education
Funding for the 1994-96 Triennium, AGPS, Canberra.
DEET, 1993, SelccledHigher Education
Statistics, Department of Employment, Education
and Training, Canberra.
- Johnston, N., Resource Allocation in
Higher Education; Report of the joint DEET/HEC
working party, HEC, Canbetra,
• OECD, 1993, Education at a Glance:
OECD Indicators, OECD, Paris
OECD(a). 1992 Education at a Glance:
OECD Indicators, OECD, Paris
.OECD(b). 1992, Revenue Statistics of
OECD Member Countries 1965-1992, OECD.
Paris
i
^ ^ ^
_ ^ - ; : : 2 ^ ""
390
^
=
^
^
IfOI
inoo
an
iw bV
KW-B8
lonwuWi
wuv
W6W»
'•
Cornnomf^h
DuWnrt 10 UBII*IIMBII
M»W
•
IMWI
TDM Odiyi on
i>ii«ii*¥ t<luc«lii»i
\Vt\JB
'^
Stem
Figure 3: Compsrison of Commonwealth
Outlay minus funded activities
N« Conw
cultiyiD
.«s-w
i^/
o.g-
GDP percentage points, a relative decline of approximately 32%. HECS contributions has ameliorated this fall to
an extent total HECS and public support has declined by 12.5%. A restoration of public support to 0.8% of GDP
would raise in the order of $4(K) million. This would eliminate the need for
increased fees for students.
uco
3CE0
r i'^
Si
Rgur^ 6: Net versus Total Outlays t^n
University Education Activities as GDP
Tlie Laypwsons Guide to the
NEW UNION STRUCTURE
THE NEW LNION STRICTURE.
JUST A buiNch of AbbREviAiioNs AINCI NAMES ihROwiN loqErheR iN ONE RANCIOM htAp?
YOUR AVERAqE cowfusiNq UNtvERsiiy STRUCTURE, T^E lypE JUM EVERVONE shiEs AWAy FROM? IT'S defiNiTEly soMErhiNq I^AT TAICES A full dAy of ExplANAiioN ANd A full MONTh o f
ANAlysis.
Beyond the boredom and the silly abbreviations like MUU and
MWOPS. there is a glimmer of importance. Believe it or not this
system,therewillbeasmallinteractionbetweentheMSAandthe
MUU. The President of the MSA also sits on the UB, as shown
One may believe that Yvette's criticism of the new stnicUire is
mere paranoia. Of course, the MUU will carry out the wishes of
structure, as structures go, is very important to every student at the
above. The same goes for the Women's Officer, the Treasurer,
the students, without going behind their backs or being corrupt
University. Alright I know that most of you don't care, in fact I
4 of the six generally elected individuals on the MSA and the
and insidious. Nevertheless, one wonders what reason was given
have a faint feeling that none of you are reading this, but please
delegates from MUISS, MPA and MAPS. The MSA also includes
for not joining both Students Representations and Services
listen to me, deep down where the little people live there is
the following positions:
together, considering it had been something that was always on
something important you should know.
the drawing board.
• A Vice President
• A Publicity Officer
The New Union Structure affects you!
The following isalayman's-andlstress layman's-description
of how the so called new structure will be set up.
As per usual, at the top of the heap will be the University
One exp! anation voiced during an SGM this year was that Arty
• An Activities Officer.
Party students can't manage money and would simply watch it
So there you see the system as it wil 1 stand next year. Of course
because, the Treasurer on the UB under the new system is a
Societies and MAPS etc will still exist. They, like MSA, will have
student. I spoke to Peter Summers, a member of the Working
money given to them by Che MUU.
Party, and asked him why Yvette and Company's system was
Council. FoUowingthiswillbetheMonashStudents'Federation
which is simply comprised of representatives from all the
campuses. So far this set up leads to no debate and barely any
discussion. It's not until we get to the third line of the hierarchy
where the fireworks beein.
run through their fingers. This of course is a feeble argument,
it goes without saying that departments such as Clubs and
To tell you the truth I don't really think the above positions are
that important. What actually catches the eye in this whole
kefuffle. is the debate that is still muttered over about the whole
system.
thrown out the window. He said, in an extremely diplomatic way,
that the guild or integrated system was forwarded to the diverse
Working Party. However after long discussion it was rejected in
favour of the new structure.
You may fmd this to be a disappointing answer to an otherwise
saucy question, however Mr Summers was willing to discuss the
advantages that the new system will present to the students.
It has been established tliat the third line will be separated into
three parts.
The first arm is the Monash University Union
(MUU). This arm concentrates on the Services provided to ihe
He said that the system for the first time provides members of
students, throughout the year, The MUU, has of course a Union
the MSA tositon the Union Board. This,he said allows for greater
Board (UB), which embodies ihefollowingdemocratically elected
cohesion between the MSA and the MUU.
positions:
The system as it stands also allows for the creation of an
Execudve Committee that works between each sitting of the
• The President
Union Board. This Executive of six will comprise of the four
• The Women's Officer
Presidents from the MSA, MAPS, MUISS and MPA. There will
• A MAPS representative (Mature and Part Time Students)
also be two naughty adults, i.e. the Chairperson of the BoanJ and
the University' s Genera! Manager. As you can see, diis Executive
• A MUTSS representative (International Students)
will be overrun by students who will do things such as formulate
• An MPA representative (Post Graduate students)
the budget and make recommendations on money used from the
ThE NEW UNION
Union's piggy bank.
• The Treasurer
STRUCTURE AffECis
• The Director
A third advantage is that minor associations such as MAPS,
YOU!
• One representative from the Union Council
Fmally, the new system clarifies, in bold letters, the distinct jobs
• One staff representative
Yvette Scholtmeyer, MAS Women's Officer, disagrees with
• 4 generally elected people from MSA (Monash Shidents'
Association)
• A representative from Clubs and Societies
the new structure. She sees the system as being too complicated,
full of the usual and ever present red tape. She said that this so
called new structure, is no different from the structure of previous
tlie new structure. She sees the system as being tot) complicated,
• A representative from Sports and Recreation
full of the usual and ever present red tape. She said that this so
called new structure, is nodifferentfromthe structure of previous
• One staff representative from NTEU (I have no idea what this
years and hence contains the same flaws. She argues that with the
is and the below abbreviation stand for. but I know they're
Union Board controlling services, the MSA only becomes a
unions of some .sort... I think the "U" gives it away.)
token force, thus demoting the power of Student Representation.
• One staff representative from LTU
MUISS and MPA, will gain a larger voice.
An example is that any decision made by an SGM can only be
recommended to the MUU, a recommendation which the MUU
can rightfully ignore. Yvette went on to say that in her belief the
of both MSA and the Union. Hence, a greater clarification
between Services and Representation has been created.
Peter Summers was also prepared to point out that just because
MSA doesn't have the power to conUt)l services they are still an
important facet of the new system. Not only can they discuss and
make moves on such subjects as VSU and upfront fees to
students, they can also use the SGM as a powerful tool. If wielded
properly, the SGM can be employed to focus on issues which the
UB should be examining. For instance, any service diat students
need can be voted on and then be proposed direcdy to the MUU
without going through the MSA, hence removing all t h ^ yucky
red tape.
minor interaction between bodi the MSA and the MUU through
As I mentioned, these people will argue and fight over where
the Amenities fee, handed to them by the University Council, will
such figures as the President and the Treasurer, is not enough for
Student Representation.
be going. As they provide services, it is assumed that they will
Are you still with me? You didn't get lost did you? If you did,
don't worry, you wouldn't be the first. Even for an intrepid and
keep most of what is given. However, money will also be
Yvette supported another union structure that was pushed
during the debate but was discarded. The proposal simply stated
intelligent reporter such as myself exploring the issues has been
syphoned of to the third arm of this structure - Sports and
that both the MUU and the MSA should be welded together tlius
difficult, hi any case, at the end of the day, no matter what system
Recreation (SR), and the second arm - the Monash Students'
giving students power over both representation and services.
you believe in, the Union Stmcture has finally been decided upon.
This, according to Yvette, would cut down on bureaucracy and
Only time will tell if it's a good one...
Association (MSA)
The MSA is also a democratically elected body. Under the new
I Tiiesday 18th
October 1994
conflict, which is inherent in the system as it stands.
IAN MONO - News Sub-Editor
EH^IRO-UPDRTE
GET INVOLVED IN VICTORIA'S NATIONAL PARKS
THIS SUMMER.
The State government and the Australian Trust for
Conservation Volunteers have teamed up to provide
Victoria's tertiary students with a fresh range of volunteer project!! in National Parks and public land during
the sunmier break.
The Conservation and Environment Minister, Mark
BiiTell, has annoimced that the Campus ConseAation
Corps initiative, which began last year as a pilot program, will now be a permanent feature of the Department of Conservation and Natural Resources. More
than 250 students participated in the Campus C>>n.serration Corps during last year's summer vacation.
ThegovemmenthasprovidedJVS.OOOthisyeartofund
35 projects in many of Victoria's most scenic and
popular parks. The projects, which have been selected
by tlie Department, include:
- Heritage works at Point Nepean National Park
-Coastal projects atWi!.son's Promontory National Park
and along the Great Ocean Road
- Trail and boardwork construction in the Grampians
National Park and the Alpine National Park
-Flora and Fauna protection in the Hatlah-Kulkyne and
Murray Sunset National Parks
Projects are of one or two weeks duration. Students are
required to make a contribution towards food and
ATCY membership. ATCV provides die transport and
project locations. A Campus Corps brochure is available from most student unions or SRCs or by phoning
die ATCV on 602 4066 or 008 132 501 for country
callers. You can also visit the office at Level 10, 440
Collins Street, Melbourne.
.\n opportunit)- exists for 17-25 year olds tojoin the
expedition and learn about the rare and endangered
flora and faiuia of tliis area while collecting valuable
data for the Department of Conservation and Natural
Resources (DCNR).
Tingaringy is registered underourNational Estate and
forms part of the magnificent Alpine National Park.
The smdy area contains rainshadow woodlands of the
scenicvalley of the upper Snowy River and the high wet
forests of the Gelantipy Plateau. The diverse vegetauon communities provide habitatfor endangered and
vulnerable animals.
Datawillbegathered using DCNR methodology; it will
augment their knowledge of die area and assist the
department in developing management plans for the
park. Projects ivill include radio-n-ackingTigerQuolls,
recording vegetation communities and surveying rare
reptiles and bats.
OCTOBER 10TH - 14JH. NKnomt LETTER WRums CAMPAIGN - Swp EXPORT WOODCHPPING
A coordinated national letter writing campaign calling on the Federal Government not to renew next
year's round of woodchipping licences. Victorian university campuses are focusing their campaign on this
week. Monash Environment Group will have a letter
writing table for people to sign letters in the Union
Building. Please, please, 'please sign one. It'll lake two
minutes and will really make a difference for Keating to
see widespread student opposition to export
woodchipping.
OcwBER S4m
S 25TH.
NATIVE FOHEST NETWORK -
.AusTTRAUAN FOREST Coi'eERErjCE.- AUSTRALIAN FOREST
ANZSES - ONE FOR THE CIPPER
The Australian and New Zealand Scientific Exploration Society (ANZSES) is launching an expedition to
survey the flora and fauna of East CJippsland's remote
and unexplored wilderness.
UPCOMING EVENTS IN THE CAMPAIGN
TOHALTEXPORTWOODCHIPPINGAND
LOGGING HIGH CONSERVATION VALUE
FOREST INCLUDE:
u p to sixty young people will participate, working in
small groups led by qualified scientists. Expeditionens
will walk into remote areas to collect data and record
sightings of indigenous and feral animals. One project
will involve setting hair uaps. Hairs collected will be
analysed to reveal what passed thnigh during the night.
This way, nocturnal animals' presence is recorded witliout interference in their habitats.
Results of the surveys will be published and distributed
to expeditioners and the science communitv-.
ANZSES is now recruiting healthy and interested people tojoin this expedition (preferred age 17-25). General expedidoners do not need to be experienced:
workshops are conducted in science, minimal impact
camping, firstaid, radio use and navigation. Afee covers
all costs (ANZSES is a non-profit organisation).
Anyone interested in the environment, camping under
the stars and being part of an exciting research project
should contact ANZSES for more information. Telephone (03) 690 5455, fax (03) 690 0151 orwrite to PO
BOX 174, .Albert Park, .3206
GREEN GROUPS UNITE IN NATIONAL FOREST
CAMPAIGN
Over 50 people representing twenty environment groups from all over Australia gathered in Canberra recently for
a national forest campaign strategy weekend. The results provide direction for a unified and successful campaign
to end export woodchipping and protect high conservation value forests all over Australia, h's an exciting time for
forest activists - the Nauonal Forest Campaign is bringing forest acdvists together to make our combined efforts
as effective as possible during the next crucial months. To make it work, forest campaign groups and supporters
everywhere are being asked tojoin in, and that means you!
A series of leaflets has been produccdfor use by all green groups, encouraging people to write letters to the Prime
Minister expressing their opposition to export woodchipping. They were launched on September 1st ona Nauonal
Day of Action held across Australia. Actions included protests and rallies, letter wrinng to Paul Keaung and banner
drops. In Tasmania a ute load of native animals poisoned by 1080 in forestry operations was brought to the
demonstration.
Now is an important period for Australia's forests. Every day we're losing more and more of our scarce remaining
old-growth forests. As you may have heard, the Federal Environment Minister, John Fawkner, has made
encouraging statements and taken some steps to implement a moratorium on the woodchipping of high
conservation value old growth forests. The next few months will see a real test of his government's ability to turn
talk into action on environmental issues, with several woodchip export licences due for renewal soon. If the
environment movement can prove that we can deliver pain or gain to the Federal Labor government we have a
chance to save our forests from woodchipping.
To do this we need to get .50,000 letten on Mr Keating's desk expressing our disgust that our old growth and high
conservation forests are exported for woodchipping. Anyone who cares at all about our forests needs to write a
letter. Think of it this vray- for every letter you write one hectare of forest may be saved, so for five minutes of your
time dozens of trees and all tlie animals that live in them will be saved.
In addition to letter W7iting, a huge week of'Forest Embassy' actions with hundreds of people camped on the lawns
of Parliament Hou.se in November will send a loud message demanding an end to forest destruction. The camp
is on the 4th to the 8th, and despite being so close to exams anyone is welcome if you can make it.
CONFERENCE.
'TOWARDS A NATVNAL FOREST ACTKN PLAN. "
MonashEnvironment Group students are helping organise this forest conference to be held at the Glas.shouse RMIT. The Conference intends to bring
indigenouspeople, forest activists, students, politicians,
unionists, NGOs and government organisations together to discuss the crisis facing Australia's forests.
Running over 2 days, the conference will examine the
threats to Australia's forests and the need for a national
action plan. On the Wednesday following the conference there will be.a forest tour, then an additional 2
days of intensive strategy at "Commonground"
nearSeymour.
Conference information, programmes and registration forms can be obtained from the Environment
Group's notice board in the Union building, at Environment Group's Tuesday meetings (1pm 9th floor
west-wing of the Menzies) orfrom Friends of the Earth
(ph: 419-8700). Don't miss out!! The Conference will
blow your mind.
NCA/EMBER 4TH - 8 T H . "GrSENiES"
HEAD TO CANBERRA;
NAVONAL TENT BMEMSSV.
At least 4 days of actions, displays, stalls and campaigning against the forest policies of the Federal Government and Opposition and the national timberindustry
during a tent embassy/vUIage on the grounds of Parliament House. Bring your own tent, musical instrument
etc. to what will be an amazing 4 day demo. Contact
FOE on the aforementioned number or Monash
Environment Group for more details.
Gavan McFadzean
Monash £nviromnent Group
DATES TO REMEMBER!
OcTOBSi S4TH - 38m: A/flnwe FOREST
NenAofx CoweiiFNce
ft/ovBwas) 4TH - 8m:
EMBASSY'ACTIONS,
WEEK OF 'FOOEST
PARUAMENT
HOUSE,
GaABESfM
4 s YOU am SEE, THEK'S LOTS GOING ON.
ntow's 4 GREAT TIME TO GET SWOLUSD. THE
CteB&CSAfflS ENVmONMENT A/ETMWW
WELCOK^S ANYmm NTmESIED
IN FINDING
OUT MOfm AM} FmLfmiG SAVE FORESTS TO
GIW USA RING OR COME TO ONE OF OUR Bh
/VOVTHtVMEET
iSnadccate S^^^fi^l^^umeat.»,
W^l
Llawela Forrest
Attempting to find employment can be a sobering
experience. Where does one start? Monash University
is one place where the process of job, or rather as we
would prefer to term it, career hunting, can be made a
lot easier. Monash actually offers you many options
and helpful paths along which one can tread in an
attempt to locate our dream job, or at least some
position to earn some money post-graduation. IWany of
the options are only available to students during their
final year, however depending on the measure of
enthusiasm, they are a few ways in vrfiich you are able
to sample jobs and gain experience in your field of
interest, which is incomparably invaluable in the current job market.
VACATION JOBS
tJany student tend to undervalue their work experience. In some cases many students tend to even fail to
mention it in their resume. Work experience taken in the
university vacation or on a regular part-time basis
throughout the year can tie of considerable value to
students because it helps to develop new skills.
When seeking course related vacation work it is laestto
make direct approaches to employers, and to present
a resume and letter of application. Both Student
Employment and the Careers Centre are valuable resources for finding information on
such businesses. Towards the end of each
semester the Student Employment Service
advertise positions for vacation employment in
most disciplines, in particular Science and
Engineering.ln particular the employment sen/ice
arranges and places undergraduate students in course
related vacation employment (summer vacation) in a
students home country eg Hong Kong, Indonesia,
Malaysia and Singapore. The employment is usually
for a period of three months or longer. Most displines
are covered, howeverthe service concerntrates on the
crucial twelve weeks of practical work required by
Engineering students.
Workshops are also organised through MUMSU and
for Engineering students through Monash Young Engineers. During these workshops lists of employers are
given to students to enable them to contact prospective
employers. Graduate Opportunities Hand Books are
available for Hong Kong, Malaysia and-Singapore as
well as information on European countries and Japan.
Most of these positions and other positions are advertised on the Student Employment boards as early as
May each year.
The Course and Careers Centre advertise vacation
work to potential recruits on a reguair basis. Large law
and accounting firms often do this; other companies
offer vacation work experience to students taking
courses appropriate to theirbusiness operations. Often
Arts students aren't accomodated by vacation employment as such due to the broadness of specialisation
'
^
within the degree. The best way for these students to
obtain information on employers within your field of
interests is to seek the Graduate Opportunties Handbook (available at both careers centre and student
employment).
Summer clerkships in law firmsare an excellent wayfor
law students to gain experience in the industry as well
as getting a foot in the door for the Articles year. The
Law Students Society has information and a list on all
the Law firms that participate in this scheme. In particular the new publication "A Practical Guide for Law
Students", produced by the LSS, has furthere guidelines for summerclerkships, closing dates for applications etc. It is best to
apply to firms which
specialise in the particular area of law
that you would be
interested in.
Firms usually
take undergraduates in
their third
year of
studies.
(Ml
ate
R e
ment
and
CaThe Course
an extensive
reersCentreoffers
program of graduate
recruitment, specifically for accounting
graduates. Information presentations are given on campus by major and
middle tier chartered fimns together with other major
employers from manufacturing industry and the financial sector. These events form part of the gradute
recru itment prog ram and often second year students of
accounting will participate in the infonnation presentations to assist them in their career planning. At the
beginning of each academic year the centre advertises
on behalf of fimis who are interested in recruiting
graduates. Final year students are encouraged to apply
via the centre, and finns come out to Monash during
April to conduct two weeks of inten/iews. Students from
other disciplines may gain the impression that the
campus graduate recruitment program is mostly for
students of accounting. The program does, however,
encompass employers seeking graduates frtjm other
disciplines, soon after the accounting round. This
information is found in the fortnightly release of 'Careers Update': a newsletter produced by the Careers
Centre which also includes other helpful information on
obtaining employment. It is important to remember
howeverthata limited range of employers participate in
graduate employment programs. The principle participants include major companies, corporations and some
public sector enterprises. The e are many substantial
and medium sized companies with a need forgraduate
skills who do not participate in campus recmitment
programs.
Other Options
Many of the disciplines hold comprehensive information sessions on graduate employment opportunites.
An accounting Open Day is held very early in first
semster. The Law Students Society has just introduced
an annual Open Day, vrfiere approximately 200 Law
Firms and Govemment Agencies are gathered to
discuss the firms and articles programs. The Careers
Centre offers workshops and seminars during the
entire academic year on practically any subject you'd
care to know about: Where do graduates go? How
do they get there? An Arts degree-What';s
next?. Options for Science Graduates, as
well as interview skills and resume techniques.
Regularly monitor the weekend newspapers and other appropriate journals for job
advertisments. This is a means of identifying
employers of potential interest even though you
may not be available to commence full-time work until
the end of the year.
Keep open the option of part-time employment in
making approaches to employers.
In contacting employers where an immediate job vacancy is not applied for, let them know of your long term
interest in employment with the organistaion, and
desire to gain experience.
Use the resources in the careers library and student
employment as a means of identifyiung employer
entries in "Graduate Opportunites"
Make approaches to medium/smaller size employers
in additon to the larger corporations.
Establish contact with employers and follow up the
contact from time to time where some interest has been
expressed by the employer.
Special programs are held by the Careers Centre, in
particular the "Career Start" session, which is for final
year students, and Is conducted over three days. It
focuses on skills in the workplace and usually falls
during September on the Clayton campus.
Keep an eye on the Student Employment Service
noticeboards and the Careers Centre noticeboard.
These listings change daily, and you never know what
you could find
S^nac Studies
Felicity Caton
Current Occupation: Research Adviser to the Premier
Job Description: to advise on media matters, gather
information for Parliament - keep opposition on their
toes!
What degree did you graduate in: Bachelor of Arts
(Australian Politics) in 1992.
What other jobs have you held since graduation: Sales
(Collins Booksellers), Music Teacher (Flute), Aloette
Cosmetics. All part time.
How did you obtain your current employment: During
my final year, when the current govemment was in
opposition (1992), O worked a couple of days voluntarily, helping out the research staff. When the Government won the lection I contacted Chief of Staff and
expressed interest in working full time. It still took six
months before I was offered part time work, and I
eventually started working full time in September 1993
after a position tiecame vacant. In politics, your degree
is less important than your ability to think quickly, take
initiative, and put in 110% continuously.
What advise would you give students on finding employment after a degree: Research the area you are
interested in, write lots of letters and try to get a foot in
the door. I think it is important to do this before you finish
yourdegree, but that is easiersaid than done! Voluntary
work is only one way to make contracts and get
experience, but w/hatever you do, make sure you focus
on our aim of getting a job!
Anything else you'd like to add: Before anyone asks.
•Yes: Jeff Kennett is a great man to work for.
Freya Carkeek
Current Occupation: Articles Clerk
Job Description: Research, drafting documents, general assistance with trial and other legal preparation,
developing practical legal skills before admission as a
solicitor.
What degree did you graduate in: Arts/Law honours
How did you obtain your current employment: I sent
away applications just t)efore Christmas in the year
before my final year, for inten/iews the following Janu-
ary/March. It isagood idea to includea photo of yourself
to try and convey a sense of your identity to the
employer who will be sifting through hundreds of
'anonymous' applications. Generally Articles positions
are not advertised. I used a list from the Careers Centre
at Monash of law firms which were offering positions in
my year. The list gives contact names, but you should
make sure that they are still current just tiefore you
apply.
You can't get away from the fact that employers will
always judge you primarily on your academic results,
as this is the only objective measure they have. But if
you can show commitment, enthusiasm and receptivity
in the short chance you have in the interview, and in
your resume and covering letter, these are also important qualities for an employer.
What advise would you give students on finding employment after a degree: With so much competition for
positions, particularly amongst law graduates, you
should try to think as broadly as possible about what
your first job might be. You are unlikely to step imme-
^^i^^BStattfiUbJBan*
the King Of Camp
F A V O U R I T E SOAPIE?
"Coronation Street. It's in about its thirtyish year, or about
myage,thirty-five. It's marvellous, it's really well written and
really well acted, and I don't really watch any of the
Australian ones that we get, that everyone in England is
obsessed with. Coronation Street Is really funny when it
wants to be funny. Home and Away is funny unintentionally,
all the time."
F A V O U R I T E FILM/STAR?
"Favourite f Im star is Montgomery Clift, just because I like
him. I don't really watch films very much because I get very
bored very easily. Once I've worked the plot out I see no
point in staying. I do like Gone W i t h The Wind which is an
extremely long film, buti can actually lose myselfinthatone."
^ K w ^ ^ J
F A V O U R I T E ROYAL?
"Well. Prince Edward, obviously."
F A V O U R I T E JOCKS?
"As any self-respecting homosexual would know, the answer is Calvin Klein."
F A V O U R I T E SOCKS?
"These are rather good." he points at the ones he is wearing.
"I bought all new underwear and all new socks to come to
Australia, because its a sort of family tradition. My mother
always does that when she's on holiday, not that I'm on
holiday. These are from NexL They've got blue tips on the
toes and the heel, down near the ankle there, and multicoloured flecks otherwise they're beige."
F A V O U R I T E CITY?
"London. I get very spoilt living in London, because it has
everything that you might possibly want, except weather.
And it's home, to me, I find thatvery exciting and stimulating.
I loathed New York, everyone shouted at me," he puts on a
nasal attempt at a New York accent '"Get Out Of My Way'.
I got very English and very hypersensitive when I was there.
I couldn't go out to post a letter some days in case someone
shouted at me, and 'cause they always did, I just found it too
aggressive, too urban."
F A V O U R I T E P I C K - U P LINE? O L D , N E W O R
U S E D BY Y O U .
"Pick-up line? I don't go around 'picking people up'."
FAVOURITE OUTFIT?
"I bought some tartan trousers for sleaze ball this year,
which wasn't terribly appropriate to sleaze, as the theme
was black leather. They were quite bit tight and a littie bit
ambitious for the over thirty-five's but those, with a lycra
top, I felt young again."
FAVOURITE FOOD?
"I'm on a high carbohydrate dietat the moment, so its pasta."
FAVOURITE QUOTE?
'"A tear left unshed turns to vinegar in the heart' which is
byJanetObstoy,a lyricist, and that'sfromoneofherobscu re
songs."
STARSIGN?
"Gemini. I a fairly typical Gemini. I think. I'm fairly flighty and
low boredom threshold. I'm quite good at knowing a little
bit about everything, butnotalotabout anything in any great
depth. They're supposed to be promiscuous and disloyal. I
disagree with that I've had my promiscuous moments, but
I've never been disloyal. I've alvrays been very loyal to people
I liked."
F A V O U R I T E LIPSTICK?
"Well, I have a Lancome lipstick pencil. I favour the matte
look at the moment I don't like shiny lipstick. It's very long
lasting, very durable, and a very deep red colour."
JL
f^
m
m jg^
contents
the Iff^ reviews liftout
nake in the Suburbs
The Edge and
A Midfummer Nights Dream
"ello everybody, and welcome to the last Snake /n The Suburbs for this
I I year. It's been a fun filled year and looking back. I see many a justifiably
gratuitous plug interspersed amongst some heavily pondering, yet slightly
entertaining, thoughts. Who could forget that time I called Kurt Cobain
"fucked in the head", or the time I made people who don't watch television
how much of society they were missing out on? Ah, yes, we've had fun, and
now it's time to go, so shed a tear. Sob, sob.
Wait, I have one more set of justifiably gratuitous plugs to bombard you with.
The first is probably the most exciting. Sydney Theatre Company are going to
be doing a version of Okanna, a play by David Mamet. This will begin at our
very own Alexander Theatre on November 17. The second is a show called
Sex, Drugs, Rock & Ro//which is a series of eleven monologues about life in New
York. This was written by Eric Bogosian, who is so good that he actually wrote
Talk Radio which is another excellent Oliver Stone film not about Vietnam or
the 60s and itopens at the Universal on November 3. The fourth is a comedian
appearing at the Last Laugh. His name is Greg Morton and his comedy style
has been compared to Bill Cosby, and the similarities are definitely there. Go
and see him, he's only there till October 30.
lanagan
6-7
Doug Anthony All Stars
8
Fun
Natural Born Killers
10-11
Film Reviews
12-14
Music Reviews
Book Reviews
Ohmigod, how rude of me. I welcomed you to my column, but not to the whole
insert so here itgoes. WELCOMETOThe Snake. AN ENTERTAINMENT/
REVIEWS INSERT. Wasn't that dramatic? The Snake is a project that the
legend Chris Tomkins and myself have been trying to get off the ground ever
since edition I. The faa that It only ever eventuated in the last edition of the
year does not mean that we were too lazy to work on it, nor does it mean that
the editors were not willing to accept our ideas to better the reviews section.
What is important to consider is that the liftout ever eventuated at all. It had
actually just started as a joke. Chris and I got a little bit schlaggered one night
and thought it would be really funny if we could have a sixteen page reviews
liftout. W e never realised that it would result in so much work. Reasons not
to drink; No. 12.
t o the girl who persisted to stand on my foot for an excessive period of time
at the Beastie Boys show: My toes and I thank you oh so very much. You really
made my evening. I was astounded at how often somebody has to tell you to
get off their foot before you actually do. Thanyou also for your lack of apology
and moronic look. I'm sure you and the boy who insisted on vomitting a lot
closer to me than I would have liked him to will live out a very happy life
together.
Well, that is about it for the last Snake In The Suburbs. I'd like to thank
everybody who has ever even been remotely involved, especially the readers
because that's the sort of sucky thing 1 would do. I would also like to say nasty
things to all the people who a) refused to help, b) refused to be nice, c) did not
make any effort whatsoever to read this section. You all suck great big nobby
things and I wish strange Icelandic curses on you. But before I go, I've got a
giveaway to give away. W e all know thatNatura) Bom Killers is a bloody amazing
film with a bloody amazing soundtrack. To celebrate this fact we have three
copies of the soundtrack to giveaway to three people who can name an aitist
appearing on that album.
Don't believe everything you need.
Julian Clary
*
A
yE'VE ALL SEEN JULIAN CLARY O N A SCREENS, EITHER SILVER
\M
\ g (Carry On, Columbus) or cathode-ray {Sticky Moments, Terry and
T
T Julian). We've all sat there with great anticipation of the next double
entendre which have been known to fly out of his mouth at extraordinarily high
velocities. His ruleless game show, Sticky Moments, convinced many that this is
why God created the VCR. Thegameshowwouldseejulian, as the host, humiliate
audiences members who have been pre-selected as contestants. Most people,
though, associate the thought of Julian Clary with an image of outrageous
costumes (always designed by Michael Ferri), consisting of excessive amounts of
rubber, leather, make-up and D r Marten's boots ("I used t o wear high heels, but
I thought they mademelookalittleeffeminate.").Anyvvayyouviewhim, however,
Julian Clary is the epitome of camp comedy.
Wtien Lot's found Julian in his Hotel suite he was wearing a T-Shirt and pyjama
bottoms - a rather different lookingjulian to the o r e we know from the telly. His
day had been spent doing talkshows ("I've done so many chat-shov«, they've all
^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ _
merged into one. Except for Bert, of course. He's in a league of his own."). He
had just come off the phone to his mother who, when told that her son had journalists waiting said "Let
them vraiL I'm your mother." N o t being the greatest fans of having to wait, we decided to punish him by
immediately putting him through the gruelling Lot's Celebrity Quiz (see front page).
fW
People may remember Julian's single journey into the world of celluloid with a film that tried, not very
hard, to continue the great tradition of British comedy that was the Carry On films. The film was Carry
On Columbus. "I enjoyed the process of making it, whatever the finished product was like. I won't being
saying no [to other film offers]. A Carry On film without most of the old team was certainly a bizarre
concept A certain many of them are dead now. It's all very well to throw a group of new comedians
together, but they didn't have the vaudeville training that they all had, which is what held it together in
the old days. There was Bernard Cribbins and Jack Douglas [involved in Columbus], but they were very
minor in the old days, and very minor in Columbus. People like Barbara Windsor, and people who are still around
refused to be in it, quite wisely."
The rise ofJulian Clary has been fairly hassle-free and Is quite simply described. "When I left college I started doing
cabaret, and that was 1981, to get my equity card. A t that time the cabaret circuit was very small and was just
a strange collection of eccentric people. It wasn't a career move. It wasn't a means t o getting on television. As
luck would have it, the cabaret circuit suddenly mushroomed, it had suddenly become a very popular thing in
London. I went from working once a month to being able to work four or five times a week, if I wanted to. Then
there was a show called Friday Night Live on channel 4. They used to have guest comedians on. They seemed
to avoid me like the plague for the first few series, and then they ran out of people to ask, so they asked me on
eventually. It went rather well and they asked me back two weeks later. Its as simple as that
I then got asked to do my own show. I had already had this idea of Sticky Moments, with Paul
Merten. another comedian who I had been working with on the circuit In London. So that was
that"
Julian Clary has toured Australia every summer for the past three years with various shows
based around his song's and comedy, including a live Sticky Moments. This year will be his
second Australian Christmas. "[Last time] I had a horrible time. I was very homesick, so this
year my parents are coming out and we're having Christmas together. It will appeal to me if
my family are with me,l think. Wewere in the Barrier Reefbefore, for Christmas, and everyone
tried t o be jolly and have Christmas dinner, but I just found it unbearably h o t N o t at all like
Christmas should be."
The fact that his parents are joining Julian on tour for Christmas is a sign that they are now
feirly used to the idea of what their son does for a living. It has not always been this way. "When
I started they were a bit concerned and it all seemed a lot more sinister than it was. They knew
I went off and put lots of make-up on and wore black rubber and did an act in a night-club
somewhere. So they probably imagined all kinds of things. N o w they know what it is, and
they're fine about i t My sense of humour Is derived from them. So they like I t You could often
see them in the audiences of Sdcky Moments, if you knew who you were looking for."
Julian Clary embodies the working comedian. When he finishes this tour he is returning to
England to start filming a brand new series of Terry and Julian, which he has just completed
writing. He seems t o be constantly writing and touring and filming, but never resting. In that
heavy schedule, he has had the chance to make many observations about people and places,
including a point about Melbourne being one of the hardest cities t o perform in. "There's a
lot going on here culturally, compared to anywhere else. Same as London. People always seem
to be like 'Go and entertain us then,'. It's a very chique place, Melbourne, for Australia. Maybe
that holds people back. [Australian people] are very straight-forward and very up. In England
people are quite dreary a lot of the time, and apathetic. Australians have a lot of energy really,
just happy and smiley people. That's not necessarily complimentary."
You can rush off to see Julian Clary, along with his
pianist the lovely Russell, and his glamorous assistant Hugh Jelly at Her Majesty's Theatre on N o vember 21, 22, and 23.
fnteiviewed by josh KInal
Photographs by kd-obbyn
ATbeSnahe
pagethree^I^
B^d'
And the spirit once flailed
As her air was removed.
Her life didn't feel flesh
It felt used and abused
And It hurt so tostnig^e^
To contest the dark walls,
For It was said, "Those treading the edge
Will be pushed •till theyfijIL "
^jUA-
If a person is embellished with the title 'Mother' or 'Father', why do they suddenly possess
a dangerous annount of influence and power? Apply such labels and people grow in status,
gaining value and respect within a community. W h y then, when placed in such a position of
loving, do they abuse this power?
The Edge is a newly developed theatrical piece which explores die resilience of up-bringing,
the dilemma of family, die reality of disfunction, the repression of emotion and the ambiguity
of truth. It is a full length production both written and directed with the scope of theatre in
mind. Theatre is an experience to be lived, not just observed. Elements of vocal atmosphere,
movement, dreamscape, realism and live, thriving, continuous energy are all combined to
provide moments of palpable cerebral, visual, aural and emotional stimulation.
ir
The final production for Monash Players 1994, Ti^eft^bringsmuchexcitmentwith itas it
steps from the realm of safe, established theatre into belief and support for up and coming
future writers. This time it is not a name or a reputation that predictably draws audiences
but the exhiliration of new blood and fresh, professional, dedicated talent in all areas of
production.
The season runs from Tuesday 18 - 22 of October (8pm) with a matinee (2pm) and evening
on Friday the 21 st, in the Union Theatre. Tickets are $7 and $ 10 and bookings can be made
on 905 3108.
Your past will always be present
By Keira Lyofo.
II Ulidsuinniers D'qhtniare
Remember the anticipation ofyour first sexual encounter; palpitations, music of the spheres,
slow motion visions, romantic glances, breathy whispered nothings?Rubbish! It was probably
bumbling, rushed, sweaty, amateurish, mistaken, miserable: and let down; and Shakespeare
knew it!
A Midsummer Night's Dream is about sex.
It's about the letdown and the terror offinding yourself on the borders of sexual maturity,
in a worldfree of parental restrictions. All the dreams of anticipation and expectation become
the reality of nightmare.
Horned Moon Promotions presents an energetic, youthful and vibrant production of A
Midsummer Night's Dream for the 1990s. Showing for two weeks only at the Universal
Theatre as part of the Melbourne Fringe Festival. Hot on the heels ofa sellout season here
at Monash injuly (rave review in the last edition), the produaion, with a slightly altered cast.
has been revitalised and is better than ever.
The play is directed by Scott Crozier, who In the last three years has produced successful
performances o\As You Like It King Lear, and Hamlet all staged at the Malthouse. The cast
includes actors whose experience spans both amateur and professional fields. It includes
GEOFF DUNSTAN (CoolPower!Transbliss). DIANA GLENN (Salome, Crucible, Maire-Louise
Ou La Permission), ADAM BROINOWSKI (Last Chance Gas. De Soxy Theatre), RADHA
MITCHELL (Phoenix. Feds. Law of the Land, Neighbours). T O M HUTCHINGS (St Angels),
SIMON W O O D (Baby Bath Massacre). NAOMI SAUNDERS (CoolpowerlTransbliss) and also
VALLEJO GANTNER, SOPHIE RAYMOND, JAMES HULLICK, TIM BYRNE. MELISSA
PAGE, SHARON CALLAGHAN, CHRISTIAN MATHESON, SIMON HALL, CHARLES
NEAVE, GEORGINA CAPPER and ANDREW GILLARD.
For three hundred years since its first production the play gathered tulled fairies, idiotic
mechanicals, Mendelssohn's music and monstrous stage machinery. This Midsummer Night's
Dream Is not romance, fairy lights, ham acting nor the Botanic Gardens. The lovers and
mechanicals do not exist as mere buffoons for cheap laughs. The fairies, dwellers within the
metallic, industrial and percussive forest will delight with a sensual combination of wild
acrobatics, dance and a cacophony of sound. Watch the set become an enormous musical
instrument, listen to the tribal/industrial rhythms of James Hullick and sit back as tfje cast of
eighteen transcends your understanding of theatre.
PeLerBrook discovered the play inawhite gymnasium. DeclanDomiellan found his in aforest of sound
and light Robert Ijspage fished it from a pond of mud. Find it for yourself in the industrial forest in the
Universal II Theatre, Victoria St, Fitzroy. Cut price preview 18th October, then 19 - 22 & 24 - 29
October at 8pm. Sunday 23rd at 6pm. Tickets $I5/$12. Bookings 419 3777.
inaheA ^
TheSnahe
^pagennir
Penny Flanaflan
R
EMEMBER CLUB HOY? W E L L THEY BROKE UP. BRAVADO IS
the first solo release from one of the founding members, Penny Flanagan,
with her new band TheNew Moon. Lot's Wife spoke to her about Club
Hoy's demise, her new album and Paul Hester...
Penny Flanagan was not in a funky, publicity mad mood. Sitting around a record
company office for an hour while ratbag journalists from a publication which shall
remain nameless do a no-show tends t o do that to a musician. Fortunately, your
student rag Lot's Wife had a working tape recorder (for once), and a list of questions.
Unfortunately, before I'd let her talk about Bravado, she had to explain the upsetting
news that Club Hoy were no longer...
Lot's: So what happened to Club Hoy?
Penny:V^e\\, the abbreviated version is "musical differences". W e just wanted t o do
different things. W e couldn't be Club Hoy anymore, because we needed a singular
vision, and just didn't have one. W e (Penny and fellow Club Hoyer Julia Richardson)
had been working together since we were 16, which is a long time to be with the same
person...
Zof'f.'So is this solo album something you'd been wanting to do for ages?
PennfHo, not really. For years and years. Club Hoy was my future, and I was focused
on that lalways had this vague notion that in thefuturejuliawouldhaveher own album,
and I'd do my own album, but when the band broke up I didn't suddenly go " O h , now
I can make my own album". It was more "What am I going to do now", and I gradually
came round to the idea that I could do it myself.
Lot's:\s the material on Bravado stuff that you've been collecting and mulling over for
awhile?
Penn/:When we were in Club Hoy, I didn't have the room t o move -1 was kind of
frustrated. Once the band broke up, I had a clearer vision of what I wanted t o do, and
it gradually emerged in the six months after (the breakup).
Club Hoy broke up in July 1993, and it's taken only twelve months for Penny to get
a new band and material together. W i t h her new collaborator, bass player Steve Bull,
Penny has found a working relationship similar to the original Flanagan/Richardson
nucleus of Club Hoy.
Lot's.'TeW us about The New Moon, is it a permanent grouping, or a studio grouping?
Penny:Steve (Bull) is always playing bass with me, and we're always writing together.
I guess we're the centre of it, and he's the mainstay of The New Moon. I v/anted to
give the band anamefor this phase, forthis album. Itmay not always be the same people,
but it's the same approach. If I want to start something new, I'll re-name the band...
Lot's: How did you get Paul Hester (Crowded House) to drum for the album?
Penny:W£ were looking for a drummer who didn't want to hit hard all the time. W e
were saying "Someone like Paul Hester would be good, someone //ke Paul Hester
would be good", and then we decided we should justask him. we sent him a tape, which
he liked, and he rang back t o say he'd do it.. Working with him was flying by the seat
of our pants, but it all came together in the end.
Lot's:Your lyrics are based on personal experiences - you seem to be very upset about
boys! This shows through on the first single off the album. 'Lap It Up'.
/"enn/Yeah, I guess it's that kind of thing that spurs me to write a song -1 don't know
why. Problems with relationships and people always inspire me to write songs -1 don't
know why. It brings out a real intensity that I can't express anywhere else.
Having exhausted the list of craftily prepared questions, it was snap decision time for
your intrepid interviewer - t o ask the underwear question or n o t Given the weary
tone to Penny's voice, I decided to err on the side of caution. Hence, dear reader, the
world will never know if Penny Flanagan has a pair of lucky recording underpants or
not
The first single from theflrorarfo album, 'Lap It Up', is already getting rotation on Triple
J. The album is available from Festival Records.
Interview by Leanne Paton, with much assistance from the spunky new tape
AlheSnahe
oaoefiue^bcd
Paul (HcDprnioU anri the Qoiiq Hnthony Hli Rtars:
TheTruth
When Lot's asked Paul about how the trio came up with the name, a smile came across his
I
he scene: Brunswick Street, Midday, early spring.
slightly tanned face and he laughed, "You'd have to ask Tim about that I wasn't around at the
In the dim light of Mario's Paul McDermott stood waiting. He wore old trousers, a leather
time. I have nothing to say about the name, other than I think it has been effective."
jerkin under a black bomber jacket and a pair of Ray Bans.
Actually Paul did have something to say about the name a litde later. "Its been effective
"I'm me, and you are Paul McDermott," I stammered feeling late.
overseas because it has confused people," he started. "Most of the lies we hatched to the
"Yes. Pleased to meet you Dave."
press were to do with who Doug Anthony was."
After the pleasantries of introduction we set out to find a place to do the interview as it was
Paul listed a number of incredulous lies about Doug Anthony's origins; he had been the lead
abundantly clear that Mario's was too loud. The next place we tried was nice and quiet, but
singer of the group, and since he died in a ballooning accident the All Stars have been unable
didn'thaveapowerpointfor the tape recorder. This was beginningto sound likeabadparody
to do anything other than comedy, he was a Canberra children's circus ringmaster gaoled
of Goldilocks. Thankfully the third place vras just right
for paedophilic activities.
Exceptfor the manager. WhenLot's asked the cashier if we could use a power pointto record
"The best one," Paul explained, "was that Doug Anthony vras the National Country Party
the interview he said he would check with the manager. Due t o some real life phenomenon
polidcian who was a spiritualist, high minded thinker, kind of like the Nelson Mandela of
known by scientists as the Chinese Whisper Factor, the manager assumed we wanted to
Australia who came to power as Prime Minister before being assassinated on N t h
interview him.
November 1975.
This wasn't going right at all.
The British press would go, 'What?'
Paul displayed an encompassing knowledge of idol gossip as he chatted with the manager
We'd go, 'You do know Doug Anthony, don't you?'
about Planet Hollywood, a restaurant chain owned by Sly Stallone, Amie and Bruce Willis.
They'd go, 'No. W e knew something happened then, but we didn't know he was
The conversation moved on t o sensationalist journalism and People Magazine's propensity
assassinated.'
for multi-phallus stories.
That story was printed in the Times, the Independent and the Guardian. It was a beautiful
"Multi-phallus stories are always fantastic I think they should continue," Paul enthused.
moment picking up the paper."
Speaking of multi-phallus stories, there are three male members of the Doug Anthony All
Stars, and they're about to split up. Why is that so!
"Primarily,"Paul began,"the reason isTimdoesn'tvranttoworkin England anymore because
he has family commitments in Australia. I think we've basically exhausted the possibilities for
the All Stars in Australia, unless we went to a commercial station t o do thejimeoin thing.
"I don't want to comeback and do what I've donealready. I want to go forward, do something
Lot's asked Paul about how the All Stars moved away from cover songs to original comedy?
"Before I joined they were singing funny covers of Bob Dylan etcetera, standard par for
buskers in Australia. I always felt itwas important to do original stuff. After I joined the whole
nature of the group moved away from 'Boy From New York City' and 'Tell Laura I Love Her'
and moved towards 'I Fuck Dogs'."
different," he continued.
Over the past seven years the Doug Anthony All Stars have been incredibly successful at the
Lot's asked Paul about how the group originally got together.
Edinburgh Fringe Festival and have enjoyed playing t o packed houses several times a day. Paul
"I was in arts school in another group called Gigantic Fly, and I needed money. I remember
talked enthusiastically about the festival and the first time the All Stars visited it.
that."
"Edinburgh fringe is probably the largest in the world. It's an extraordinary free for all of
"The other two, Tim and Rich, were busking in Canberra, doing covers of Neil Diamond and
professionals and amateurs that come from every where. The nature of the festival is that
Bob Dylan and, oh, absolutely shocking stuff with another member, Robbie Piper, Tim at that
only about 10% of what is on is any good.
time was 180cm of ego, I diink that's what rfiey called him. Which vras probably quite true.
"In ourfirstyear there were about 1200 acts, rangingfromschoolgroups with SOperformers
Any way, we met when Gigantic Fly did a couple of things with them. Then Robbie was off
to solo poetry readings in someone's lounge room.
doing a few assignments and they asked me to jump in."
"Later thatyear, 1986 itwas, we wentto the Adelaide arts festival and won thefestival award."
"Two people were doing a show called Drive where they would pick up t w o passengers.
the audience, from abus stop and drive them around while having an argumentas if they were
husband and wife. That v^as the show.
"Another show called S/eep was a device whereby people who had no where to stay could
go into a theatre and sleep along side the cast of S/eep.
The Edinburgh Fringe has only began to focus on Comedy in the lastfewyears, "In the sixties
it was performance art, in the seventies hard hitting, aggressive plays were the big thing,"
explained Paul.
" W e went to Edinburgh the first time for the experience and found it incredibly exciting."
Paul said, his eyes lighting up and a genuine grin spreading across his face as he reminisced.
" W e did four weeks of three or four shows a day. I got so drunk on performance, and so
drunk on every spirit after performance that I didn't have any idea of whether it was day or
night W e were inside performing, it could have been midday or 4am, we just didn't know.
When I was really drunk I would go home and sleep until the next show. Then after the show
I'd be drunk again," he continued.
Rolf Harris has said of die All Stars' Edinburgh act, "The ONLY show worth seeing." Lot's
asked Paul about the circumstances behind this statement
"Yeah, Rolf did actually say t h a t " Paul admitted. "We'd been doing a radio show together
in the afternoon. Rolf had just flown in t o town earlier diat day. As we left the radio show
Rolf was swamped by reporters because the Andrew Denton 'Stairway To Heaven' had just
gone to number one. Rolf was back on top basically.
Tlie Doug's in their TV-series DAAS KAPITAL
"Because he didn't know what else was on, he said, go and see us," Paul confessed. "It's a
marvellous little quote from Rolf, but knowing the honesty of the fact I'm not that
impressed."
TheSnahe
«^f
|>gea
Paul talked Incredulously about Rolf Harris' enduring success, "The thing that ama2es me is
Lot's questioned Paul about the obvious roles the three All Stars fulfil. "Once, after a show
that when he did the big Glastonbury Rock Festival in 1993 he opened the whole show and
in Bendigo we were standing on the street drinking with a few friends when a rough looking
got the biggest audience of all the performers. Which means that already you've got the new
short little biker type came up to me and put his fist in front of my face. He said, 'What's
age, feral, hippie traveller generation of the 90s looking at nostalgia as a positive form of
this?' I was a little worried by him, but replied 'I don't know'. He said, 'Truth. You are Truth'
expression. That's a bad thing.
Tim asked, 'If he is truth, what am I'. The man replied, 'The good looking twit'. So Tim asked
The aesthetic debate of what is good artseems t o have been finally settled by a simple opinion
him what Richard was and the man replied. T h e peanut on the end.'"
poll, "in a survey carried out in Britain to ascertain who was the greatest artist of all time,
This certainly seems to be a fair description of each All Star, but did Paul have to do much
Rolf Harris won convincingly over Picasso, Rembrandt and Van Gogh. It's one of those
convincing t o become what is basically the sex symbol of the group? " N o convincing. They're
things," Paul continued, "that is understandable if you adopt the position that humanity is
stereotypes based on what are. essentially, our personalities. I think the other two would
essentially stupid, poorly educated and backward.
disagree with that, and its probably not fair t o say it, but I will because we're breaking up soon
"It's all felling apart at the seams when someone like Rolf Harris doesn't just become the
and I'll never get another chance."
greatest artist of all time, but by a marked majority is the greatest artist of all time," said Paul
in a state of mild disbelief.
When Lot's asked Paul if he had anything interesting or egotistical to say about 25 Years of
Fun he replied, " N o . I think if you've enjoyed us over the years, you will enjoy this show."
Conversation moved onto the nature of comedy and the fact that it is not itself an enduring
thing. "Comedy is still seen in art circles and rock circles," Paul began, "as a very weak thing
to do. It's not like you're in an avant garde rock band doingsomethingworthv^ile for society.
You're trying t o make people laugh.
"Comedy is still considered, and rightly so, as a secondary form o f a r t Comedy is very
momentary," he continued. "You can't look at it in 200 years, like a Rembrandt, and say,
That's a keen joke', because its momentary, it has that transience. Lindy Chamberlain jokes
So what does the future hold for Paul McDermott?
"I'm a bit tired of Comedy," Paul admitted, "I got into it by accident I'd be interested in doing
music. There a few musicians around town who I'd like to work with and who seem
interested in workingwith me. I'm also doinga little bitof script writing in England for comedy
shows.
a few years ago were the big thing. N o w if you make a Lindy Chamberlain joke its as if you've
been through a time warp for 15 years.
Despite an advertised breakup earlier in the year Paul denied any reunion in the future. "I
think when we put the Doug Anthony All Stars t o bed, we'll put it t o bed properly."
Despite this, comedy Is gaining more and more commercial and popular success against other
entertainment art forms. "Comedy has started dominating TV and the music charts and
The Doug Anthony All Stars are performing their farewell show, 25 Years of Fun at the
pushing into the realm of rock music," argued Paul.
Comedy Club from the 18th of October. They can also be heard on Sunday arvos on JjJ during
Let's face it," he continued, "rockmusic in all its marvellous forms is quite tired at the moment
October.
Very little of it is actually stimulating, engrossing or rebellious. The mere fact that Nirvana
can knock Michael Jackson off the top of the charts surely indicates, although they are a very
fine band, that it is not fringe o r rebellious, but rather the staple diet of teenagers across
Interview by Dave Cody
America, Australia and Europe.
The Doug Anthony All Stars
L to R: Tim Ferguson,
Paul McDermott
Richard Fidler
f un
• N THE INTERESTS OF FINDING N E W A N D INTERESTING WAYS T O TELL Y O U
about new films, Leanne goes undercover with pseudo-celebrity Liam Cody of Toasted
Marshmallow fame. Their brief: to watch the world premiere of a critically acclaimed
"gothic teen film" FUN, and chat about it in an amusing manner. Unfortunately, Liam had a
hangover and Leanne had her unlucky underpants on. The result
•
The scene: A hurried yet mellow cafe, two long blacks, and the hubbub of city worker's
conversation.
Leanne: Ok, let's talk about this movie...
Liam: FUN, at the Lumiere. Starring Renee Humphrey and Alicia Witt, who was inTvwn Peoks
apparently.
Leanne: But tell me Liam, what did you think of the movie - you can say something fijnny
now.
L i a m : Well. I went along hoping for an unhurried piece of fluff, and I was sadly disappointed,
because what I got was an interesting and structurally demanding introspective examination
of two young women who shared more experiences in one day than more people
experience in a lifetime...Now there's a reason for that - most people never murder anyone
else in their lifetime, but Bonnie and Hillary do.
Leanne: W e should probably explain the structure of the film...It's told as a series of
flashbacks from the juvenile detention centre...
Liam: it starts as a flashback, and it's Interesting because all the flashbacks are in colour, and
it's the reality which is in a black and white cinema verite style. The reality is the present, in
prison, where a journalist is trying to write a story on this unusual murder - unusual in that
it was motiveless. Their motivation (Bonnie and Hillary) was to have fun.
Leanne: It was really interesting that Bonnie pointed out that people only do most things
for fun - why do people go bowling? It's a ridiculous thing, but you do it for fun. They just
seemed to have a perverse idea of what is fun and amusing.
Liam: So it was motiveless in the sense that they didn't set out to murder until just before
they did i t Murder was just another one of their pranks for the day. You don't really expect
people to kill as a prank But they had reasons to be pretty warped and twisted, both of them.
Incest really fucks up a lot of people...
Leanne: I'm not going to touch diat one...So, did we enjoy it
Liam: Yeah, I think. I give it sbc stars out of seven.
Leanne: I give it three stars out of five, because there wasn't enough sex in I L
Liam: Yes, one of die issues was the relationship between these girls - was it sexual?
Leanne: Well, they'd only knov/n each other for one day...
Liam:Yes. but they were obviously physically attracted t o each other...
Leanne: Hmmm...So, would you recommend FUN^.
Liam: Yeah! I t h o u ^ t it was great I would say yeah, for sure. It's quite challen^ng, It can
make you think
Leanne: Yep, but not in that embarrassingPump Up The Volume teen angst. let's-go-smokeand listen-to-loud-music way. You don't feel too guilty about being moved to think.
Liam: It wasn't really teen angst at all. In many v»Qys they were mindless, and totally
thoughtless about what they were doing, so there wasn't any angst in there.
Leanne: But there was this angst about their society - the manipulative reporter, the
manipulative psychiatrist, the abuse by their parents, the way Bonnie and Hillary were being
torn aviray from each other.
Liam: The reporter was obviously a device. He played Kevin on Me/rose...He looked a lot
spunkier then...
A t this point the conversation degenerated into salacious Melrose gossip. However, you get
the general gist FUN Is more intense and stylised thanRjver's Edge (even though it lacks Dennis
Hopper and Keanu), and with a lot more sweet cred than Pump Up The Volume. It's a film tiiat
explores an extremely complex relationship between two apparendy ordinary American
teenagers, as well as the horrifying impact of sexual abuse. The performances of Alicia W i t t
and Renee Humphrey are astoundingand are captured documentary-style by director Rafal
Zielinski. A great disturbing film.
Reviewed By Uam Cody and Leanne Raton
Written by Leanne (at tast, a tape recorder that works) Paton
TheSnaheA
&f*rf
f pageeight
natural bnrn hiliers
HIS FILM IS A VISUAL ASSAULT. THE IMAGERY A N D FILM QUALITIES T H A T DIRECTOR
Oliver Stone presents form a violent collage. It is a road movie in the very best tradition of road
movies; plenty of middle Americans and rednecks meet their maker. The story Nature/Bom Killers
was written by Quentin Tarantino; there are a great many guns. In short there are many reasons to see
this film!
t
Oliver Stone has, in the past, been subjected to scathing criticism for his directorial talents and his limited
choice in subject matter. This fact had not escaped the critical eye of Joe Queenan when he observed
that "Oliver Stone's movies as merely spectacularly obvious, misogynistic buddy films in which people
lose important parts of their bodies that already have lots of drugs In them." For Stone,
a lot rested on the success of Natural Born Killers - just the future of his career, really. In
any measurable sense he has produced a winner; and the film is not set in Vietnam, and
it has style!
Stone has decided that the use of different film mediums is a legitimate stylistic device,
monochrome, colour, super 8 and video, slow motion and time lapse photography,
different film exposures. This device w^s used t o good effect in jFK and here Stone has
expanded the use of this device, adding animation and chroma-keying (the use of bluescreens to super-impose multiple images into a single scene) to his repertoire. Interesting
things can be seen The result is 120 mins of intense visual stimulus. The h ighlight of which
Is the ten minute sequence "I Love Mallory" which presents the young Mallory. and her
family, in the manner of an archtypal american sit-com, replete with canned laughter.
Natural Born Killers Is a disturbing film about two young mass murderers, Mallory and
Mickey Knox (|u!liette Lewis and Woody Harrelson). Itadopts a blase, satirical treatment
t o the violence inherent within the story. The audience becomes desensitized and Mickey
and Mallory are perceived as anti-heroes. They are sympathetic characters despite the
offenses they commit against family, lovers and society. It needs to be noted that diey
'come' from violence, in what is rapidly becoming an American tradition violence is
perpetrated generationally, from mother/father unto son/daughter. The violence theme
is maintained within the examination of the american media and Its facination with, and celebration of,
violent crime.
Quentin Tarantino offieservo/rDogs and True Romancefamehas received the story crediL To his credit.
Stone had optioned the rights toNaturalBorr) Killers beforeReservoir Dogs had even been filmed. Tarantino
remains circumspect about the what Natura/ Born Killers became after Stone et al were through writing
the screenplay. 'I didn't want to make the movie and I didn't want anyone else to make i t Everyone in
the world is trying to get a movie made. I didn't want a movie made and it got made.'
(juice, October 1994)
Tom Sizemore as a dirty cop, Tommy Lee Jones as a grotty jail warden, and Robert
Downey Jr as a sleazy tabloid television host, all provide excellent performances. It
is Lewis' and Harrelson's work, however, which attains 'career' status, and carries the
film. Lewis In particular is vibrant and charismatic. While comparisons with her role
in Kafifomia are inevitable, they are neither relevant nor fair. The camera loves her,
and she Is fascinating. The cameo by Rodney Dangerfield as Mallory's father, and first
victim, is just great and is another reason to see this film.
As for the soundtrack, it Is truly that - a sound recording of the film. The tracks, In
the order and versions of the film are Interspersed with much dialogue and other
general sounds from the scenes associated with tiiose particular tracks. The film and
soundtrack are so similar. In fact, that there Is only 40 minutes (out of 120) worth of
film not included on the CD.
Trent Reznor (Nine Inch Nails) has done a job well beyond anybody would have
expected. His job as producer of the soundtrack went as far as selecting and
coordinating all music appearing In the film. The obvious example Is a track called 'Sex
is Violent', which accompanies a very memorable sex scene, is Jane's Addiction's 'Ted,
Just Admit It'with Diamanda Galas' version of "I Put A Spell O n You' placed very neatly
in the middle. The roller-coaster mood of the film Is displayed in the collection of songs
which range from Leonar Cohen's deep throated 'Waiting For The Miracle' to Paul
Smith's New Yorkpunk'Rock *n' Roll Nigger'to Peter Gabriel's 'Taboo'to The Dogg
Pound's 'What Would You Do?" to Bob Dylan's whiny 'You Belong To Me*.
The best sign of a great motion picture soundtrack is that you re-live ^ e film each
time you listen to it. This occurs with this album. The attitude with which Trent
Reznor has approached the soundtrack is evident from Its tide - Natural Born Killers,
A Soundtrack for an Oliver Stone ftlm, implying that the soundtrack should be something
to accompany and complement the film. The two are not mutually exclusive.
Natural Born Killers the film and the soundtrack, are two parts of a whole that has taken
full advantage of the potential offered by the motion picture and music industry. It is
a whole thatcou Id never be transfered t o print, nor could its full intensity bedescribed
accurately. The only true way t o understand the appeal and brilliance of
Born Killers is to experience It in its original form. Go and do diat now!
ATheSnahe
pagenine\&(*^
By M a t t Nicol and]osh Kinal
CabaretUerboten
C
abaret Verboten is a form of dinner and
show entertainment that is alien to 1990s
Australia Billed as being "cabaret in its most
audacious form" and recreating the feel of a
Berlinesque Cabaret of the 30s", this reviewer
was expecting some grand show with dancing
girls and lots of music. What the audience got
was something quite different.
Cabaret Verboten is not a single show with one
theme or story running throughout. Rather it is a
Cabaret, aseriesof independent and autonomous
sketches and songs which are often somehow
linked to one another.
Being the fool that I am, it took me quite a while to
realise this fact, and consequently, I thought the
first act (?) was very disjointed and confusing.
The three performers, Belinda Lloyd (who is also
creditedas director), Phillip Gleeson and Rainsford
(both credited as collaborative directors) sing
dance and perform their way through a show
which lasts approximately two hours while being
backed by two musicians on Piano Accordion,
Cello and Double Bass. Much of the performance
is very casual and one gets the impression that
the performers own personalities are being
displayed to the audience. This is especially so
of Rainsford as he chats to the audience during
his numerous loosely scripted monologues.
Cabaret Verboten is a kind of arthouse, stylised
90s version of 30s German Cabaret. It is crude,
rude, base, sexy and at times, amusing.
Symbolism lurks beneath every moment, but
much of this symbolism was lost to me.
The music was quite good, as was Gleeson's
dancing. Rainfords's monologues were
interesting and amusing while Lloyd's singing
was strong and sexy. Unfortunately, Lloyd looked
often uncomfortable on stage and her acting
ability left a lot to be desired.
poignancy to the song than any other before. The
Queen wedding was amusing and light-hearted
while the simulated rape and fellatio scene was
laden with meaning, and very effective.
Three course dinner is served from 7.30 and is a
respectable $28.50 per head including show,
The Greek cuisine is very tasty and surprisingly
light. The service was inoffensive and efficient.
Supper and show from 8.30 is $12.50 per head
but I would advise going earlier for the meal, it was
really yummy.
The lighting and useof effects wasvery interesting,
one of the strong points of the show.
As with a lot of Cabaret/Revue type shows, some
bits were good and some were not. The valued
rendition of Rage Against the Machine's 'Killing In
The Name' on cello and double bass was
excellent. This version gave more meaning and
Cabaret Verboten is showing at the Fitzroy Boite
every Friday until December.
Carrey)is working on. That is, to findthe abducted
mascot dolphin for the Dolphin football team
beforetheSuperbowl. Ace is hired bythe beautiful,
but not very comic, PR lady for the Dolphins to
his recently released video, after only average track down the kidnapper. Ace is really the one
success at the box-office, is well worth a look. who provides all the laughs in the film. It does lack
Ace Ventura: Pet Detectiveis a slapstick comedy a few ingredients such as an all round amusing
with laughs for most. There is even an underlying cast.
message that we should all be concerned for Ace Venturahas many distinctivecharacteristics.
animals a little more. James G Robinson directs He wears an Hawaiian shirt over a Bonds T-Shirt,
this slick and colourful movie that is filled with a "Grease" hairstyle, a charming and confident
detective music and moves.
smile and fluttering eyes. He symbolises "Noah of
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective \s based around one the Ark" and places animals at the centre of his
particular case that Ace Ventura (played by Jim life. He has an answer for everything. Ace is a
likeable character and Carrey plays him flawlessly.
He even has some Paul tvlercurio dance
movements as he swaggers around. Ace Ventura
exaggerates his language, walkand mannerisms
to create a unique character.
flee yentura: Pet Detectiye
T
(231 Smith St, Lvl 1, above the adult book shop).
Reviewed by Davey Dave.
There are some really funny aspects of the film
which are not meant to be anything else so do not
take them literally. Ace likes the idea of his role
and plays it well. There is really not much more
that can be said. This is a comedy that has sex,
violence, car chases and many animals. You
should enjoy it.
Reviewed by Anna Pftelps
Clear and Present Danger
W
Jack Ryan is a role tailor-made for Harrison Ford,
aheroandapatriot who must battle the established
order. A believable and extremely likeable
character, he is supported by an impressive cast
(including Willem Defoe and James Earl Jones)
who provide a complex web of intrigue which can
be, at times, somewhat scattered. This is a film
about America, not just geographically but socially
and politically. The pomp of military ceremonies
is juxtaposed with the machinations of back room
politics which jeopardises the lives of young
Americans. Whilst in another instance this kind of
criticism may seem heavy handed. Phi! Noyce
manages to subtly imbue the scenes with a
pathos which gives Clear and Present Danger
another element.
hen is the United States Government entitled
to act and what form should this action
take? In his second realisation of a Tom Clancy
novel Phillip Noyce examines the role of the US
Government while providing the audience with a
first rate action thriller. The title of the film refers to
a section of the US law which prohibits the
commitment of American military power except in
situations where there exists "a clear and present
danger to the national security of the United
States". Into the corridors of power steps Jack
Ryan (Harrison Ford), a CIA analyst promoted to
deputy director of intelligence. Immediately he is
thrust into a war on drugs which involves everyone
from the President to guerillas in the jungles of
Colombia.
Essentially however, the film is an action thriller
spanning two continents. Jackfaces his fair share
of dangerous drug lords and narrow escapes,
the action sequencesreminiscent of many Indiana
Jones escapades. Ultimately of course the good
guy must win, but in this post-Reaganite era of
political disillusionment the sanctity of the Oval
office is fast crumbling with representations such
as these.
In the tradition of The Hunt for Red October and
Patriot Games, Clear and Present Danger
combines action thrills with political complications.
In this case Phil Noyce has succeeded in both
fields, providing his audience with a rewarding
cinematic experience.
Reviewed by Michelle Wright
TheSnahe A
,
W*,
f page ten
I
remember hearing about Muriel's Wedding
when it received some very worthy and
deserved critical acclaim at the Cannes Film
Festival earlier this year. Its success is no accident.
P J Hogan has written and directed a movie that
takes the audience through a roller-coaster of
emotions. Sometimes one is not sure which
emotion is appropriate but you will laugh, cry, pity
and admire at one time or another.
The cast consists predominantly of successful
and familiar Australian actors. All the characters
are given a special role and many exaggerated
characteristics. Toni Collette plays the title role of
frumpy lazy Muriel Hesslop who who develops
into a voluptuous and happy woman. Bill Hunter
plays her father, a corrupt and selfish
businessman responsible for breeding a warren
of fat and useless children. Rachel Griffiths is
Muriel's best friend Rhonda, whose stoic spirit is
highlighted in the second half of the film as
troubles replace her life of sex and freedom.
However all films are similar in representing one
area of Australian life through comedy, music
and exaggeration.
The movie is based around Muriel's external and
internal changes In her pursuit of holy matrimony.
However it is far removed from a Cinderella or an
Muriel's Wedding invites you to a ninety minute ugly duckling story. Her desire to get married is
insight into particular people, places and events to please herself with her day of attention and
that have not come to the screenn before. There beauty. She does not seem concerned with
are some embarrassing cultural stereotypes. marrying someone she loves and it seems the
None of the characters are perfect. They all have romance need only be imagined. We admire that
flaws or some pervading tragedy in their lives. Muriel can realise her dreams even if they are
There are many surprises in the movie such as shallow.
tears and pain. After Crocodile Dundee. Strictly The cast are outstanding even if their characters
Ballroom, or Pr/sc///athis really comes as a shock. are a little overdrawn and ugly. The script is lively,
A
rnie's never been the same since he went
from being The Big German Guy With The
Funny Accent to a fully paid up member of
Hollywood's aristocracy. Becoming life member
of the Republican Party didn't help, nor did his
penchant for wearing Hawaiian shirts.
In True/-/es.thisArnie paradox is again exposed;
whenever he plays himself (rather than a
passionless cyborg - although it can be difficult
to differentiate between these roles), you can't
AlheSnahe
iem^tit^^
C^^J rmms
help feeling he's taking the piss out of himself. He
makes jokes at his own expense, drops oneliners that make you groan, and his pacy, actionpacked films self-consciously resemble one
another, and those' of the broader actionadventure genre in general. True l/es takes this
tendency to new limits: it is essentially a collage
of other films, held together by the glue of
Schwarzennegger's undeniably enormous
personality (or at least his undeniably enormous
body). The film begins with the action sequences,
gadgets and plot of a James Bond, whose cool
spy/secret-agent character Arnie resembles, then
becomes bogged down in a jealous husband
amusing and surprising. The strong
representation of suburban Australia is a little
embarrassing, but portrayed sympathetically.
The mise-en-scene includes great Abba music
and glarey but not too tacky scenes. Things do
move very quickly in the second half and it is not
always explained why. Some of Muriel's success
seems to appear without effort and some people
appear without explanation. Overall Muriel's
Wedding\s energetic, honest and a comedy that
has to be believed, and so it should be, as
everybody is invited to Muriel's Weddingt
Reviewed by Anna Phelps
routinereminiscentofnoneotherthan0eiv/fc/)ec/.
This process reaches a climax when wife Jamie
Lee Curtis remarks "I married Rambo"; Arnie
displays all the improbable indestructability of
that character, in several scenes remarkably
reminiscent of said film.
If you can suspend all belief for about two hours,
True Lies is reasonable light entertainment. It is
also quite funny, even if I did laugh at all the
inadvertent cliches, as well as the intentional
gags. It is (worryingly) more plausible thanSpeed,
and also has better special-effects, although it is
hard to justify the $US 100 million+ budget.
Reviewed by Winston Todd
fHonsteroRGd]
T
he most frequently heard cry at the release of
REM's 1992 a\bumAutomatic-For ThePeople
was "they've sold out completely". This has been
a continual problem ever since the band made
the big label change from IRS to Warner Bros.
(especiallywith'Shiny Happy People')Thisalbum,
Monster, shouldfinally leave those die-hardR.E.M.
fans at ease with the knowledge that the band
have always been doing exactly what they chose
to do, and if their music became popular, then
that was due to a shift in the definition of popular
music.
UJelconiB to Shy Ualley»Kyuss
T
his is pure musical bliss, it is not often that an
album of this magnitude will come along. S/<y
Valley is a symphony of musical genius, and I
mean that literally. It is hard to imagine that what
comes out of this CD is the product of just four
guys.
Kyuss, an amalgamation of sounds of Black
Sabbath, Iron Butterfly, Hawkwind, and, on this
album especially, Pink Floyd, have created a
masterpiece. The trip to Sky Valley is set out in
three movements, each consisting of three or
tour songs, so that you can't skip through a
particular song. The whole album flows on so
well, from the opening lines of 'Gardenia' you
Monster, to compare it to other REM albums, is know that this is a ride you'll never forget.
most like the material they were releasing during
Kyuss came to prominence in Australia in 1992
their career with IRS That is to say, it is heavily when their second album Blues for the Red Sun
guitar based, without a string quartet in sight. The was released. More importantly, was when in
lyrics are indecipherable andthe tunesare simple 1993 they came out here to support Metallica
without being obvious. Monster is an R.E.M.
and absolutely wiped the floor with them. I don't
album saying "we never really went away, we think anyone who saw them live will ever forget it,
were just hiding",
the anger, the energy.
By now you should have all heard the first single
'What's The Frequency, Kenneth?' and have
realised that the distorted guitar and vocals
make the song, because the song itself is nothing
overly innovative. Scott Litt, REM's producer in
residence, has definitely been very influential (or
at least more than usual) in the recording of
Monster. No doubt he has been, himself, heavily
influenced by his recent(ish) work with Nirvana,
realised that the distorted guitar and vocals
make the song, because the song itself is nothing
overly innovative. Scott Litt, REM's producer in
residence, has definitely been very influential (or
at least more than usual) in the recording of
Monster. No doubt he has been, himself, heavily
influenced by his recent(ish) work with Nirvana,
and so has incorporated "tricks" he has learnt
elsewhere into his "routine".
Reviewed by Josh Kinal
llJe m\\\ alone« exploding lUhite mice
E
ver since seeing the classic B-grade movie
Rock 'n' Roll High School starring the
Ramones, I've been meaning to see this South
Australian band on one of their many tours to
Melbourne. What's the connection? Well, in the
movie, there is a fantastic scene where the mad
principal of the school, in her attempt to ban rock
and roll music and to show what a danger it is to
society, places a couple of white mice in a glass
case, and plays music to them at an ever
increasing volume. Measuring the volume on her
'Rockometer', we see it rise from the level of
Donnie and Marie Osmond, through to the Rolling
Stones and the Who, until finally, at the top of the
meter, we see that the music reaches the volume
of the Ramones, at which point the mice in the
cage explode - hence the name "Exploding
White Mice."
Blues... is a magnificent album. Sky Valley is
500% better! Each one of the movements works
superbly. For me, my personal favourite, is the
second movement, made up of '100','Space
Cadet'and'Demon Cleaner'but the whole album
Is mesmerising. Buy the album now, put the CD
in and follow the instructions on the sleeve "listen without distraction."
Reviewed by Brett Peebles
Sleeps (iiith angels
«lleilVoQng and Crazy Horse
T
he new Neil Young and Crazy Horse album,
Sleeps With Angels, is a lot like so many of
their other albums in that it is astounding. It is
astounding that Neil Young has been around for
so long and is still at the forefront of modern
music. It is astounding that Neil Young has been
around for so long and his voice still sounds like
it did 25 years ago. It is astounding that he has
been around for so long and still produces albums
with some sort of cynical commentary on our
society.
I can definitely see the link with the Ramones.
This is yet another album designed to appeal to
the 16-17 year old age group - vaguely thrashy,
but with catchy, poppy melodies. Definitely in the
genre of the Meanies, Ramones and All. Nothing
noteworthy. All the songs sound vaguely similar
- not that that is necessarily a criticism. They do
seem to have a lot of energy, and manage to
sustain it quite well throughout the entire album,
and I imagine they would be a lot of fun to dance
to at a gig. But they don't strike me as being
anything particularly special - nothing stands out
as a classic hit.
There are, however, a couple of things that make
them stand out from ordinary punk rock bands,
which do make them one of the better bands
producing this kind of music. Firstly they have
two singers who both appear to be able of
sustaining not only melody, but also a harmony and they use this to full effect throughout the
The album has a lulluby theme to its sounds, but
by no means does it send the listener to sleep. On
the contrary, with the passing of every lyric the
listener is increasingly attentive, eagerto hear the
next social comment or metaphor for our bleak
existence. The album, however, is by no means
a "doomsday" album, which is what makes it so
good. It manages to make all of these ideas
known to the listener, but the only comment it
seems to be making is "live with it".
If you were previously unintroduced to Neil Young
and Crazy Horse, thenS/eeps WithAngelsmakes
the perfect introduction, which will no doubt get
you hooked.
Reviewed by Josh^Kinal
album. The lead singer's voice is not overly
impressive - perhaps a little light weight - but at
least he can hold your interest. And the melodies
are also fairly catchy, whilst maintaining a harder
edge. Sort of like a cross between the Ramones
and Rat Cat.
Most of the songs are about how much they hate
the world, and how horrible life is. They're not bad
, but don't really seem to fit the music. It seems a
little incongruous to be singing lines like
"Contemplating suicidal thoughts of you and me;
at least one thing's free" in a jangly poppy voice,
over the sound of whirring guitars. The lyrics
seem a little more suited to someone like Henry
Rollins than to this band.
Oh and one more thing. For some reason, despite
the inclusion of 12 distinct tracks, there is in fact
only one 32 minute track according to my CD
player. This can be damn annoying.
Reviewed by Jamie Walvisch
Hyliefllinogiie«KyliefIlinogije
C
onfide in Me' is Kylie Minogue's latest single,
and I really like it. It's very different to what
she has done before - funkier, sexier and more
mature. Unfortunately, the rest of the album is a
bit of a disappointment. It is much more mellow
than we are usedto Kylie, and soundsdisturbingly
similar throughout (with the exception of 'Confide
in Me'), and is a bit boring on the first listen. It is,
however, slowly beginning to grow on me.
The single, while easily the best song on the
album, is areal exampleof what is to follow. Along
with the new image and un-boppy songs, it is a
distinct move away from her previous musical
style, but seems to be just trying to prove that
Kylie is mature now, and can sing, rather than
giving her audience a good time. The new songs
may be more professional, but they are less fun.
Many comparisons have been made recently
between Kylie and I^adonna, and rightly so, with
their image changes, their 'portrait style' books
(Madonna's Sex for sale, Kylie's eligible to be
won by purchasers of the CD) and media hype.
'Confide in Me' may be very similar to Madonna's
new single, but the rest of the album is nothing
like her: more Lisa Stansfield or Margaret Uriich.
The last few songs on the CD are more impressive
than the earlier, with the beat improving and the
tunes more sing-able, 'Where has the Love Gone'
being my personal second favourite.
This album will not feature much on the dance
floor.
Reviewed by Caroline Gaylard
Urban Discipline "Biohdzard
T
his release from Biohazard, prior to their
signing to Warner Records, on Roadrunner
records gives you a taste of the diversity of music
being thrown at us. This group of four heavily
tattooed, long haired louts play with aggression,
attitude, and speed.
They combine music based on hardcore/metal
and vocals almost in the hardcore/rap genre. Not
much can be said about this album. If you're into
this style of music, which I am, you need to listen
to it to appreciate it. The only criticism I have is
that it's a little slowfor my liking, and the production
has let them down slightly. Most songs are written
by Biohazard apart from 'We're Only Gonna Die'
written by Grey Graffin of Bad Religion.
These whiteboys from New York do pretty well for
themselves. Two live tracks, 'Shades of Grey'
and 'Punishment' are better than the studio
versions. These probably make the album but it's
good for a thrash.
Reviewed by Joel Tyndall
fHo'lllldth* Blues Explosion
E
lvis is alive and has just toured Melbourne.
He's changed his name to Jon Spencer, and
he's finally learnt how to play good music - but it's
still Elvis. Or so it seems. With the same rumbling
deep tones, and the same amount of sex appeal
it's easy to see that the King is one of the major
influences on this band. Don't get me wrong
though. This is not some 50s retro rock and roll
band. This is definitely a band of the 90s - and an
amazing one at that.
When I first listened to this album, I was a little
sceptical. Despite some cool, funky moments it
sounded a little like experimental jazz to me - the
kind that is an experience, but very difficult to say
if you actually enjoyed it. But I persisted, and
listened to it a few more times, and it began to
grow on me. After listening to it a few more times,
I realised that I had a gem in front of me - one of
the better albums of the year.
From the funky, organ backed first track, Jon
Spencer never lets up through this entire album.
The music has a definite blues feeling, but it is
healthily revised and injected with raw energy,
the result being what can best be summarised by
the name of the band - a blues explosion. Tracks
such as 'Afro', 'Memphis Soul Typecast' and 'Ole
Man Trouble', a cover of an Otis Reding song, are
funk rock at its best. With Jon Spencer singing in
his Elvis-like rumble, they inspire you to slink
around the house, swaying in time to the music.
Some of the other tracks don't work quite as well,
such as'WetCat Blues', which isabitexperimental
for my liking. But when the band gets going,
there's nothing like it.
A typical song may start with Spencer singing in
a creepy falsetto, accompanied by an eerie,
discordant harmonica, and aslowly ticking guitar,
the feeling of expectation slowly building up so
that you can hardly wait for what you know is
coming. When it eventually does come, you are
not let down. Huge crashing blues chords, and
instruments you can't even recognise wailing in
the background, accompanied by the sound of
the vocalist screaming wildly, leaving you
exhausted and pausing for breath as the music
suddenly cuts out, only to come back again two
seconds later at an even more frenetic pace.
The album may be difficult to enjoy at first, but if
you listen to it enough, you won't be disappointed.
It's quite an experience.
Reviewed by Jamie Walvisch
strays ® Junhhouse
T
he opening riff from their first single 'Out of My
Head' is used in a Triple J station promo.
Says a lot really. This four-piece band from the
industrial town of Hamilton, Canada have
produced an albumthat will probably feel right at
home on the playlist of our erstwhile 'youth
network'. Sfraysis the first release for Junkhouse,
and contains lots of slow, ponderous songs that
explore spiritual and social themes. Their sound
is described in the press release as "swampified
boogie", but most of the tracks on this album
make this a misnomer.
This is an acoustic oriented album, and the
sound is certainly swamp. But boogie it ain't.
Lead woop and walioperTom Wilson gives Strays
a certain J J Cale feel, but this isn't carried
through by the rather pedestrian guitar work.
Interesting percussion sounds (such as glass
bottles and sticks) offer some distinction, as do
the rather thought provoking lyrics (if you go for
that spiritual angst kind of thing).
Strays is a competent album, but it just doesn't
capture your attention. It would make an OK
soundtrack to one of those quasi-spiritual road
movies. Music to walk the dog to (Josh said that).
Reviewed by Leanne Paton
Uleezer'lDeezer
World has turned and left me here' is a lost love
song with original lyrics and massive climax, forth
song 'Buddy Holly' is a poppy Ramones-like
eezer's self-titled debut album comes on buzzsaw tune with more great lyrics ("what's with
like a collection of singles, any of the ten these homies dissin' my gurl" sung falsetto is truly
tracks on this album could have been released to classic). 'Say it ain't so' starts with a reggae beat
become that song that you can't stop singing. As and builds into a Boston style stadium rocker,
it is, the first single, the anthemic 'Undone - the and 'In the garage' is a proud declaration of their
Sweater song' has hooks large enough to catch pimply origins with references to Dungeons and
a whale. A drunken riff winds its way through a Dragons and Kiss.
college party and builds into a cruncher of a song
set off with some great vocal harmonies. This is
an album that is difficult to pick stand out tracks
from, but for the sake of turning this review into a As much as I hate to use media buzzwords (they
fruitful exercise I'll try. The opening song 'My are so much pseudointellectual laxative for lazy
name is Jonas' has a rolling acoustic start and minds), Weezer is bound to be classified as the
becomes a real bone crusher. Third track 'The
quintessential slacker band because of their
W
Carniual of Light* Ride
with a neat understated guitar solo. Other stand
out tracks arethe previously mentioned'Birdman'
(a great trip song to ride the gossamer wings of
ide's new album Carnival Of Light marks a Mary Jane upon); 'How Does It Feel to Feel?', a
new phase in their musical development, tune that harks back to the earlier days of Smile
(1990), and the crystalline instrumental 'Rolling
seeing them depart from extended interstellar
Thunder'. The last track 'I Don't Know where it
feedback soundscapes to enter the domain of
Comes From' is dubious pastiche of the Rolling
the song. They are still the quintessential guitar
Stones
classic 'You Can't Always Get What You
band though, and the giant psychedelic jams are
ever present, such as the first single 'Birdman', Want' and leaves me feeling slightly uneasy.
but the tone of this album seems lighter and
cleaner. The opening track 'Moonlight Medicine' Most critics see the' absence of feedback and
begins with a crunching riff and builds into an
distortion abuse as "maturation", but I can't help
early Floyd-like mini epic with some great vocal
feeling nostalgic for a bit of eardrum piercing.
harmonies and insistent strings. The second
The inclusion of strings and Hammond organ are
track '1000 Miles' has some nice acoustic work
nice touches that soften the sound without
and the fifth track 'Only Now' is a gentle ballad
becoming bland and the vocal harmonies of
R
playfully ironic musical and lyrical references to
popular culture (a sense of humour and self
parody in other words). If you're a sucker for the
quiet/loud sound with fantastic vocal harmonies,
then you'll probably blowyour speakers and sing
yourself hoarse listening to this album. Produced
by, of all people, Chris Ocasek of The Cars, this
is really an incredible debut, and might prove to
be a hard act to follow. There are rumours of a
forthcoming tour, and it promises to be one huge
sing and air-guitar-a-long.
Reviewed by Chris White
Mark Gardener and Andy Bell are as smooth as
honey. If there is one real weakness on this album
it is the lyrics, eg 'Crown of Creation', 'I wanna be
your relation/I'm getting off at your station'. Still,
the nostalgia won't go away, and I hope that their
impending live show at the end of the year will be
just as incendiary as the 1992 gig at the Palace
when they blew the roof off with songs from Going
Blank Again (1992), the classic Nowhere (1990)
and Sm//e. Carnival Of Light could possibly see
them crossover, but hopefully not at the expense
of the guitar junkies that they've been feeding tor
the last five or six years.
Reviewed by Chris White
Pool
^mm^m^^^a^m^mi
P
ool is a novel about a Hollywood actor who is
supposedly so famous that everyone thinks that
he. and not Tom Cruise, was in Top Gun. His name is
Emery Roberts and he has just walked off the set of his
latest multi-million dollar movie. No one knows why
he has called it quits, including himself, and the story is
based around his retreat with a few of the film crew
and hangers-on to a farmhouse out in the middle of
nowhere. Unfortunately, this Hollywood novel does
not have much to recommend itself. The main
character is the most unlikable, unexciting and uninteresting protagonist that I have ever had the misfor-
Romeo of the UnderiDorld
R
omeo of l/ie Underworld is the "30-somethings"'
answer to the questions and eyebrows raised by
such works as Noture Strip and Praise. Whereas these
other novels deal with the blackness of existence,
Romeo deals with the blackness of emotions, and the
soul destroying journey that one deals with when
faced with building a new reality.
Set mainly in Brisbane, the reader is introduced to
another side ofthis capital ofthe Sunshine State. A side
that has visible signs of poverty, one with no hope. Into
this darker side of life enters Romeo, a Sicilienne-
tune to read about His only characteristic of any
interest is his incredible good looks, and since this is a
novel this really doesn't save the reader from dying a
slow death of boredon'i whatsoever.
The title of the book is derived from one of the
charaaer's attempts to create for himself that essential Hollywood item - an inground pool. For the
majority ofthe book he works at digging himself a huge
pit in the ground, and attempt\s to beg, cajole, and
blackmail the other disinterested Hollywood rejects
into helping. But his ridiculous aspirations, like those
ofthe book, are ultimately futile.
Sydneyite, back in Brisbane after nearly twenty years
of trying to build a life in Bondi.
He returns to house sit for a childhood friend, and
believes that Brisbane holds his salvation, a way to a
better life. Romeo attempts to achieve this by finding
his one true love, who he believes is his last and only
chance at happiness.
What follows is a story containing fabulous imagery,
real language and characters that one would find at any
bus stop, pub, or street corner. Forever falling back
into Romeo's reminiscences of the past, Armanno
treats us to a lost world, that of the teenager in the
1970s. One who is trying to find himself amongst that
ARE YOU
GETTING YOUR
SHARE
ofthe
Bookshop Brilliant
Bargains?
Stop in and check
the price comparisons
we have done with other
University Bookshops.
Monash University Bookshop
905-3111
I suspect that this portrait of the young Hollywood
crowd may be quite accurate with their superficiality,
namedropping, drug and alcohol abuse as well as gross
materialism. But why should we have to suffer the
interminable boredom of having to endure their
shallow and vacuous lives ! So my advice is, unless
you're planning to become a vacuous Hollywood
movie star and want some pointers on how to annoy
the hell out of everyone else, then you're much better
off leading your own boring life than reading about the
lives of those in Pool.
Reviewed by Angela Crocombe
era of free love and even then, lost values.
We see how history has a funny way of repeating itself
and having the last laugh at us. Romeo ofthe Underworld
is a love story with a difference. It tells of the belief in
true love, what love can do to a friendship, and that
eventually, you can let go.
All in all an excellent book and a definite must have for
not just the study avoiders.
Romeo ofthe Underworld. Venero Armanno. Picador.
(Also by die same author The Lone^ Hunter and
Jumping at the Moon)
Reviewed by Thea Baker
A N U Neuroscience
Why aren't you studying Neuroscience with more
than 100 research staff in one or more of these topics?
Computational Neuroscience
Developmental Neurobiology
Neuropharmacology
Membrane Biophysics
Auditory Physiology
Visual Sciences
Neurophysiology
Neuroethoiogy
Undergraduate, Graduate Diploma I Honours year,
fA.Sc. and Ph.D. Courses
The Australian National University's Neuroscience Program
offers training in Neuroscience with access to world-class
facilities. Students may worl< in thie Departments of
Chemistry, Psychology or Zoology, or in the John Curtin
School of f^edical Research, or in the Research Schools
of Biological or Physical and Engineering Sciences.
ANU Scholarships are available at the (u1.Sc. and Ph.D.
levels. Ph.D. students at other institutions may obtain
support to study part-time at the ANU.
For further information contact:
Tel ; (06) 249 4099
Fax : (06) 249 3808
G-mail: [email protected]
Dr. T. fuladdess, Convener,
Neuroscience Graduate Program
R.S.B.S, A.N.U,
GPO Box 475
Canberra A.C.T. 2601
Spot the DiFfereTice
There are twenty tbree subtle differences between the two photo graphs below.
Can You pick all twenty three differences?
^Snadccatc S^tn&emteHt.,.
w%i
Mark Jeanes
Many final year students are about to finish
their last exams. Ttiey graduate early next year.
What's it IJI<e? IVIarl< Jeanes gives some
reflections on graduation and offers some
sage advice.
Graduation is exactly as you have been told. It is the
most exciting thing you can do if you haven't ever done
anything.
First things first. Graduation costs money. If Mummy
and Daddy show signs of being a bit proud of you, try
asking them to cough up. The $45 will pay for the hire
of your academic dress, your ticket and two guest
tickets. You can request extra tickets, but you won't
know if there are any spare ones until you actually
receive them a week before the big night. So don't
promise a ticket to your sensitive boyfriend or girlfriend
if she/he is likely to do a Kurt C. when there are not
enough seats to go around.
You'll receive the tickets in the mail with a funny sheet
of paper which gives guidelines on how to tjehave
during the ceremony. It tells the men when to remove
and replace their mortar-twards. It tells the women
when to curtsy. It even tells you when to "doff your
bonnef.
w
w
used gown, cape and mortar-board. (If you don't want
to give them $50, they'll accept your driver's licence but don't tell them I told you.) Bring some insecticide if
you are ooncemed about the nits in the hired headwear.
At this point, I'd like to tell you about Mai Logan, our
Vice-Chancellor. He belches a lot. You can see him
burping regularly in his big chair while on stage. Make
sure you watch and enjoy.
Onto the ceremony and you are officially a "graduand".
From what I can gather, "graduand" is a nifty little term
used to describe those who have stopped being students, but haven't started being graduates. The point of
transition arrives somewhere in the ceremony.
Once the ceremony has started, the key word is
patience. The whole process is very long and tedious.
You don't realise just how many graduates Monash
chums out until you go to one of these things. Being a
university student can feel so special until graduation
when special person after special person parade across
the stage. There will be hundreds of you. Very soon,
you will feel about as special as a table-spoon.
The graduands sit away from the pleb relatives and
friends. You'll probably be seated next to someone
from your course that you hate. Oryou might end up
next to that awkwardly
familiar person whose
name you can't remember (refer to
the graduation list
forhelp). You will
definitelynotbe
seated with a
friend or
someone
you feel
^ ^ ^ ^ ^
com'
fort^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
able
Mil
Don't make the mistake of trying to shake the Chancellor's hand. He'll probably look at you as if to say, 'You
don't deserve this degree because you'vejustwatched
scores of other graduands before and you still
haven't realised that you are not supposed to
shake my wonderful hand. Get off the stage
you stupid git." Just doff (God I love that
word) respectfully and he'll return the most
surprisingly sincere smile of congratulation.
I'm sure he practices that smile in tied at night it's just too genuine.
I lovethe idea of "doffing" your txinnet. I must
confess that I had no idea of what it means.
(Weil, I had one idea, but the thought of being
intimate with my graduation cap in front of hundreds of people would probably have landed me into
trouble with Grandma.)
The mail-out will also includeglossy samples of photography done by the three companies who will compete
to take your happy-snaps on the night. There will also
be a surprising array of advertising for graduation
videos, degree framing, and (getthisljgracfuafonnngs.
So much to buy! There ought to be a separate economic sector just for graduation souvenirs/junk.
As the night approaches, don't bother telling your
friends and/or relatives to get there early to get a good
seat because they will all fall asleep during the ceremony anyway.
But you definitely should get there early - the queues
for academic dress are not short. On my night, the
queues were so long that I nearly started asking about
credit-points because I thought I was back at enrolment. You will pay a $50 deposit in exchange for a very
diately into your'dream' job and almost any position will
offer you the chance to leam work, rather than study
skills and to build up a work history. When you are
studying it is easy to feel that you will end up as a
professional student, but before you know it, your
course does finish and the earlier you can start thinking
about planning for what you might do, the more options
will be open to you.
Anonymous
Current Occupation: Managing Director of own consulting business.
Job Description: My main responsibility is to keep a
small business, viable in extremely difficult economic
times and other business conditions. In addition to
myself, there are five full time and one part time person
employed in our company. To maintain the company
and grow it through totally uncertain decision making
processes of govemment (particularly federal) demands most of my time instead of applying my techni-
Alphabetical
just doesn't
that. More than
be seated next to
friend or ex-boywished you hadn't
fore.
When it comes to your turn, at least look confident. Doff
your bonnet according to the funny sheet of paper in the
mail. Women, curtsy if you want to - i wouldn't if I were
a woman, but we're not discussing feminism here.
Whateveryou do, don't trip up on the steps. That would
be social death.
order
work like
likely, you'll
your ex-girlfriend who you
doffed the night be-
The massive pipe-organ will play for ages and then the
Official Procession will enter the hall along a platform
high up on the wall. The Vir-" Chancellor, The Chancellor and others will all descend like angels from Academic Heaven, resplendent in their most ridiculous
garish dresses. Actually, a couple of the older blokes
looked so old and frail under the heavy robes that I
nearly applauded when they made it to the stage
without collapsing.
cal expertise to the business.
What degree did you graduate in: Masters of Management
How do you obtain your current employment: I was
already self employed during the course.
What advise would you give students: Over recent
times we have interviewed people for various positions
and would like to offer the following guidance to job
seekers based in our experience of those who have
responded to advertisements:
Presentation
You have less than one minute from, the time you enter
the interview to stand a chance of getting on the short
list. The first impression you make in this short time
about your professional image In critical. Our customers are expecting a professional image from our company, so it is important that we can gauge how the
person would appear to our customers. Clothes, personal grooming and self-confidence must reflect someone who has the potential to make a good impression
At the end of the ceremony, you will get to follow the
Official Procession up the big ramp. That's pretty cool,
butthe fossils upthefrontwill make the going slow. And
Mai might stop to fart.
But you are notagraduate yet. Oh no. The ordeal hasn't
quite finished. Outside, Aunt Maude will want to take
some happy-snaps. Tell her "forget it" and get her
saggy butt over to the Union Building as quickly as you
can. You must tie the first in line for the real photographers. OthenA/ise, you could be waiting for up to an
hour.
Once you've finished with the photographers, degree
framers and ring-fitters, only then are you a graduate of
Monash University.
You'll find the beers in the Main Dining Room upstairs.
Enjoy. Congratulations.
to our customers. Everyone in our company is in sales
irrespective of their function.
People Skills
The ability to get on with people is absolutely key. A
person with high technical skills and poor people skills
is unlikely to have an advantage over someone with
lower technical skills but higher people skills. We ask
ourselves this basic question: "Can this person fit into
the culture of our company and client base?"
Commonsense/lnitiative
A commonsense understanding about the business. It
you are not sure, find out about the company before the
interview. In our case we would welcome people who
have applied for a position to request some very basic
information about the company. Who are we, what do
we do, who are our customers, are we a big or small
company, etc? Asking for details such as balance
sheets etc are a waste of time as they won't be given
out.
Be proactive and assertive, and demonstrate initiative
to get involved.
Ic^s \me
Edition 16
V
wkat Offends
opinion and diatribe
from Sam Lewis ...
the Tlflasked Offender
rlacker, tills absolutely gorgeous young lady comes
.slinking out of the bushes towards me. Well, let me tell
you, I was stunned, and not to say a little finned by the
whole tiling. Anyway, she slides over to me, starts
stroking my hair, massaging my nipples, running her
hand down my torso, lower
and lower
and lower
It was faaaaaannnntaastic.
Then 1 woke up.
I'd faQen asleep in the sun.
The rather plejusant, nay, incredibly pleasurable sensations I was experiencing were not in any way traceable
to the loverly young lady in question.
There was another reason.
My dog was licking my balls.
It liked the nice salty taste.
Nnnnnnnnnnyyyyyyuuuuurmgggggghhhhhh.
Nrirmriririnnrirmooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhh.
Right.
Listen.
I've got a joke.
What's the difference between a right-to-life demonstrator physically harassing some poor young women
coming out of an abortion clinic, and a screaming crazed
Nazi flaying the skin off a small child's back?
Give Up?
BUGGER
ALL
I HATE PEOPLE LIKE THAT, THEY OFFEND.
BIG-TIME.
You must be fucking joking. If you believe that, then
you'd Inelieve that the female cast of Models Inc aren't
all sucking down 300 laxatives a day and shitting pure
mineral water.
You snipid great COCK.
This is it, my last chance, my last desperate ditch to bring
to you, the fine, intelligent, sexy, crazy, smelly, rosycheeked, firm-thighed and taut-buttocked people of
Monash; what tnily-ruly, honest-to-god, no-shit-I'mserious-if-I-lie-may-god-piace-my-nuts-in-an-industrialvice-and-crush-them-to-powder.. .offends.
Trying to have sex with goats offends, trying to have sex
witli any animal offends really, trying to have sex with
animals, fucking it up, and injuring yourself in a fairly
serious way, and looking like a complete arse, offends.
Believe me.
Being caught mastuibating beliind one of the manneAlright, alright this is it. Thefinalbumper bonus bonanza quins in a lingerie shop offends an extraordinary amount.
edition of "the things that offend". My final opportunity In fact, catching your uncle, furiously beating away with
to really cut to the chase, pull up m'socks, blow m'nose, a barbie doll up his arse and a porno taped to his
shoot to kill, and go for the throat.
forehead really offends a hell of a lot too.
This time...
I mean it.
Flicking 'V signs at a policeman's back, being caught, and
then being gratuitously shot in the head 37 times coz,
like, he thought the V signs were a loaded weapon,
I was thinking that maybe I'd provide you, the loverly,
offends like a screaming crazy thing.
and somewhat moist, public, with a super list of the top
Labia piercing offends, believe it or not. Also, mming up
40 most offensive things of all time.
to a party, meeting a really gorgeous girlie, trying to
impress her, and then, when she asks you what you do
Then 1 realised that no-one's had a crapper idea than that for a living, having to say, "Oh well actuaUy, I'm a labia
since Mr and Mrs Kennett decided they'd love to have piercer. Funny old world ain't it"; that offends. Trying to
another child, a boy perhaps, he could go into poliUcs have sex with an animal, and being totally unsuccessful
coz it turns you down, that offends.
maybe, and one day, well you never know...
Instead, I'm going to leave you with my swan song. Not
perhaps the funniest, not perhaps the cleverest, not
perhaps even the most cutting, but instead, the very
essence of how, why and to .serve what purpose that I
have seen fit to grace the pages of this rag with my
prophetic prose.
Yeah...
Sure...
Like fuck I am.
^
5 ^
I Tuesday 18th
October 1994
Another thing that offends is having a fantastic shag,
going away at it like a crazed baboon, having an orgasm,
and inadvertently making a noise like a high power
steam whistle when you come, and thus waking the
entire house and indeed most of tlie subuib.
Let me tell you a little story.
The other day I was sitting, naked in my garden (as is my
wont), on a more than comfy banana lounge, the sun was
beating down, I was feeling a little lethargic and dozy
when, all of a sudden, totally out of tlie blue, and with
less warning than a baby .suddenly dropping out of your
Telling someone that a nun paid you $50 to shag her
doggy-style, and that person actually believing you, for
some time, that offends. And amuses.
There's another thing that offends. You. The general
public offend in a big way. People who believe that
paying Tax is not a vital and important part of our duty
to society, and an attempt to reverse the imbalance of our
society, offend. People who believe that homosexuality
is some kind of disease and that gay people should be
ridiculed and hated, offend. People who believe that
other people with different coloured skin are strange and
fundamentally different or inferior to white people
offend, as do people who believe that Aboriginal people
who try and claim some small part of the land back tliat
the settlers .stole from them and murdered them for,
offend. People who honestly believe that cars speeding
around Albert Park at upwards of 300kph is in any way
a good thing offend. Lots and lots of things really offend,
that we can do very little about. All tliat we can do, is have
a voice, be heard, makea stand for what you thinkteright
rather than just complaining when its too late. Wt^re the
X Generation, confused, alienated, bombarded from all
sides by TV dinners, fast food, crazy music, sicko films,
removed and unassailable politicians, we have an
unceitain fiiture, an unappealing past, we have no
identity and no soul. We can only grasp flashes of
meaning from the occasional rewarding encounter with
others or moments of peace on the beach at St Kilda.
Cherish the good tilings, shout about the bad things, and
above all, maintain the offence.
I will leave you with a couple of my favourite things that
offend. Hairy black spiders crawling out of your underwear just as you put it on offends, being in the water
within a 2000 kilometre radius of a shark that could
swallow you whole offends, being on a ferry with 899
other innocent mothers and fathers, sons and daughters,
and having some stupid arse, not close the back door
properly, really Ol'FENDS.
But to finish I'm going to leave
you with the ultimate, the honific,
the most disgusting thing that
offends in the entire kno'wn
Universe; what offends is . . .
^j'.^JJiJi?i"iJj^JiJliJ[jJli!PB
Goodbye Wayne and Hugh, Hello Virge and Ian
S
omeone famous (andprobablydead) once
Road and Chapel Street. Wayne should have
The Don King award for blatant self-promo-
said 'parting is such sweet sorrow'. 'Tis
got off his Ps seven months ago but acciden-
tion:
true, the end is near and we are facing the final
tally did forty kilometres over the speed limit in
The 1994 Lot's Wife editors
curtain - in the form of the exclusions commit-
front of a Police station and lost his licence -
tee. Wayne and Hugh have used every excuse
those fascist Police would not believe my story
The Geelong Football O u b award for second-
we could think of to stay in this imiversity,
that my speedo only went up to one hundred
best column in Lot's Wife.
includingseventeen deaths in the family, eight
and thirty so I did not know how fast I was
"What Offends'—Sam Lewis
religions conversions and four changes in
going. Wayne copped it sweet (so to speak).
sexual preferences. We think they are on to us.
Being a fully licensed driver Wayne would like
The Fuck You, Fuck You Very Much award
Tears do not work any more, we cannot afford
to say to all P platers - keep out of my way you
goes to those insidious people responsible for
the brown paper bag option and to actually
fucking P plate scum.
the VSU legislation
pass subjects - at this late stage - don't be
ridiculous. The good news is that Wayne and
Hugh's litde brothers, Ian and Virgil, are going to be first years next year and we have
Wayne and Hugh would now like to present
their Inaugural Annual Legends and Losers
Awards-
^ ^ ^ " ° ^ " ' " ^ " ^ " ^ ^ f^"" ^ * ^ '°^
cockswhofadedtogetcompletelyschlargered
^ ' ^^ ^\m3. Park, O-Week Union Night,
The Princess Diana awardformarryingaweirdo
and consequendy monopolising the cover of
And finally...
conried them into continuing the Kerr and
Jorgen joumalisdc tradition.
In the second 'Australian movie review that
does not feature Jack Thompson' Hugh and
Mrs Hugh ventured into Compton of Victoria
- Dandenong to see Muriel's Wedding. Hugh
would have had more fim at Uncle Alf and
AuntVera's wedding in Tyabb in 1963 when all
the beer ran out, the bride was in labour and
the speech was made by a sheep. Hugh would
The Perpetual Eternal Undetp^ads Awards for
every women's m ^ a z i n e in Australia:
1994s greatest c o n t r i b u t i o n to eternal
Lisa-Marie Presley
undergraduateness:
The Bernard King award for handiwork with a
kitchen knife:
Lorena Bobbit
you can remember it, you weren 't there.'
TheArthiu-Tunstallawardforwinningfriends
and influencing people:
The Monash Parking Inspectors
could. Pass on what you have got from us
The MAS Activities mob for Green Week Seven - 'If
Goodbye, we loved you all, or as many as we
(except that nasty rash) and most of all, remember . . . Use the Force.
have had more fUn watching the time change
on that ridiculous sundial on the wall outside
The Pierre Cardin award for best use of a
Love,
the Cellar Room. Hugh would have had more
shoelace as a fashion accessory:
Wayne Kerr and Hugh Jorgen
fun watching this year's fucking AFL Grand
The Komer KoUective
The Eternal Undeigrads
Final! It should have been a shotgun wedding
so someone could have shot that annoying
person who played Muriel (and the rest of the
cast, if there were any bullets left over). It was
however, good for an Australian movie. One
fist (in the groin of that stupid South African
who marries herl)
A great moment occurred for Wayne over the
break - a coming of age moment for every
Victorian - the ceremonial coming off of the P
plate. Common opinion says that 'P' stands for
probationary but as any o ther P plater knows it
actually stands for 'please run my P plate arse
off the road because I am a P plate scum.' Yes,
that's right, P platers are a much maligned
species - stopped at every occasion by members of the constabulary and breathalysed so
much that quite often they are left short of
breath. The only benefit is the fact diat P
platers always check out otlier P platers at
traffic lights-so Wayne is diinking of reapplying
his plates when he goes driving dovm Toorak
Wayne & Hugh being told that they do not measure up to the standard at Monash
Ljofs W«e
Edition 16
'®
DON] M : RE
The Toasted Marshmallows
Exams are looming. As usual, your life Ls just getting interesting. To help
Instead of examining the topic on a purely numerical basis, it should as Zonk
you party harder, don't bother reading boring lecture notes. Just learn
says, be looked at side-ways. When one does this, and dissects the essay topic
the Toasted Marshmallows' all-purpose exam answers, copy them out in
into each of its parts, one can see that die proposition stated is often, but not
your exams, and hit the Nott early. You are guaranteed to pass.*
always, true.
* Guarantee only effective where pre-exam tests have taken your results
The Multiple Choice Answer
above 50%, and you don't get caught cheating.
This answer works for any multiple choice question in any subject in any
faculty (except where there are only two choices • if you get one of these,
The Essay Answer (400 words)
choose A and pray it's right.)
This answer works for any essay topic in any subject in any faculty
(except: 'Treudian Theories. Discuss" - if you get this, choose another
topic, or if there are no other topics: panic).
The essay topic contains a very interesting question, and one that can not be
dealt with sufficiendy in the short space of time allotted in this exam. It must
always be remembered that the question raises a great many issues that - while
not strictly on the course guide - gave me a great many hours of intellectual
enjoyment in learning about them and expanding my knowledge in this, one
B
©
D
The Mathematical Proof
This mathematical proof works for any maths question asked in any
English Lit exam.
of the more relevant, u.seful, and need I say it well taught subjects in the
University. A more detailed examination of the issues raised can be found in
Hayes' well-written and thought provoking book. However, in this essay I
Where
a = the first variable of the question
b = the second variable of the question
will attempt to deal with some of the more pertinent points that should be
raised.
c = the third variable of the question
Essentially, the answer is "yes" in some cases, but "no, not always" in other
d = the fourth variable of the question
cases. Good exceptions to the proposition propounded in the essay question
e = the fifth variable of the question
are those exceptional instances with which we are all familiar. These include
the examples referred to in Hayes' well-written andtiioughtprovoking book,
f=the sixth variable of the question (and so on)
and also the entertaining incident described on pages 25 and 26 of Puzo's
brilliant "Godfather" study, and the stimulating subject-matter on page 63 of
a = b,
"Forever" by Bloom.
More often than not, the proposition in the essay question is true. The reasons
'-IT
for this are many, but include: the simple reasoning and logic implicit in the
question; the size of tiie sample that can realistically be examined in the short
time I have, and the other factors referred to by Zonk in her lectures delivered
i-I
'Vn^
SSw •£ (Ci /n,
to the Debating Union at Cambridge University. It is, in many way these other
factors (the Zonk factors) which are best to examine, because they are both
relevant and pertinent, and show that in a majority of the instances examined
by her, the essay topic was held to contain true propositions.
One cannot, of course, look at the issue on a purely numerical basis. To do so
reduces the intellectual rigour of the subject to a simple memorisation of
numbers. While this is important, and many would say vital, in another sense,
this approach undermines the very basis of the essay topic.
T)YT\4' O
( ^ "K S
•*"^ •*• • ^ • • * - V ^ V - ' X X . V ^
B O O K S E L L E R S
769 Burke Road
Camberwell.
(Next Door to Chocolate)
And that's it. A brilliantly clever way to avoid study. If you use these answers
and pass, please send $ 10 to the Toasted Marshmallows, c/- Lot's Wife. If you
failed, then put it towards next year's fees.
Good luck, and keep toasting.
P.S. You can hear The Toasftd Marshmallows every Sunday on 106.7
PBS-FM at about 11.00 in the morning.
"^^® Largest Australian Owned Book Retailer
Carries a wide selection of books including
Business, Computers, Philosophy and Fiction.
Use our special order service to track down that
elusive book.
Phone: 882 0032 Fax: 882 0286
Tuesday 18th
October 1994
QED
Extended Hours:
9am to 9pm Thursday to Saturday
10am to 4pm Sundays
^
^
^:
HOW TO
FOLD
A CRANE
In Ten Easy Steps
(and One Hard One)
By Michael Stillwell
1. Find or make a square piece
of paper. (The end bit of A4 will
do nicely)
2. Make folds as indicated (1).
3. Fold it in half diagonally, and
push in the direction of the
arrows (2)...
4. ... you should get something
like this (3). Fold the corners in
(4)...
/
A\
B
/>
/
'
\
/
g
r
5. ... and then unfold them (5).
Grab the top sheet of the
bottom corner and lift it up (6).
6. Do steps 4 and 5 for the
other side.
7. Fold the sides in (7); do the
same for the other side. "Open"
the shape and then re-close it
so the inside "pages" are now
on the outside (8).
8
8. Take the bottom flap and fold
it up as far as it will go (9).
9. Do the same to the other
side.
10. Bend down part of the front
flap to form the head (10).
11. Gently pull the wings apart.
A "body" should pop out!
9
wing
wing
head
10
Lafs Wife
Edition 16
ARTS FACULTY LOSES POINTS
SORRY, LAVISHING PRAISE
Dear Bronwen and Jayne,
Dear Lot's
In reply to your letter to Lot's Wife (13/9/
94).
Upon reading your letter about the 162
point maximum we were appalled, no
outraged, at this plain infringement of
student rights,
After all, even we, as student reps on the
Arts Faculty Board, did not know about it.
So what did we do? We wiote a letter to the
Dean demanding an answer to a number of
questions. Namely why they have done
this, and why they seemed so intent on not
letting students know.
Well, we received an answer at Faculty
Board on 5/10/94 (I hope it was minuted).
The Dean accepted our complaints about
the limitations of this limit and admitted
that the Faculty had been lax in notinforming
students. Therefore it will be highlighted in
the 1995 Arts Handbook. (Students: 1,
Admin: 0). However, she then informed us
that she could do nothing about it as it was
a requirement imposed on all Faculties at
Monash by DEBT, (Dept of Education,
Employment and Training) and thus is a
Federal Government responsibility
(Students: 1, Admin: 1). However, the rule
only effects first year students and should
not be applied to second or third year
students.
So, if the Faculty has been misinforming
second and third year students, get angry
and let us know (via MAS, 905 3138).
Pitifully, if you want to do mote than 162
points in your degree you have to pay the
Faculty money to do the subject. However
there is a small glimmer of hope. At the
ALPNationalConfeience.aresolutionwas •
passed directing the Government to review
all course fees (thanks to NUS President
Penny Sharpe & Welfare Officer Edwina •
Hanlon) - maybe something will come out
of this.
So all is not lost. We are there fighting for
you and occasionally we do have a small
victory (after all we are outnumbered 80 to
4).
Thanks Bronwen and Jayne for bringing
this to our attention. If you have any
problems get in touch.
Yours in Solidarity,
Christopher Anderson
Undergrad rep
Arts Faculty Board
Arts IV
Tanya Kovac
Undergrad rep
Arts Faculty Board
Arts I
Holly Schauble
Undergrad Rep
Arts Faculty Rep
Arts!
Brian O'Connor
Undergrad Rep
Arts Faculty Board
Artsn
I tind myself recalling any praise I may
have incorrecdy bestowed upon your 'rag'
in my previous entry. Any acclaim conveyed
became void when you cominitted a most
horrible 'typo'.
My last entry should have read:
"I am writing to you in order to bestow
lavishing praise on the journalistic quality
of your publication. In Uiis way, I find
myselfunwittinglycontributingto die wider
university family."
You reproduced my artistic unpression of
Monash University beautifully, but
unfortunately inserted the word 'lashing'
instead of 'lavishing' in the letter, diereby
doing an injustice to yourselves as well as
instilling angerin me. As well as committing
this heinous act, you incorporated the
misprint into a shoddy headline: "Lashing
Praise".
Aspunishmentforthis nefarious actlsubmit
the following toon.
LotV =f n^fl r^t^^ jjpj_
V^i^
Nigel Robyne-on-Avon
EnglV
A SHOCKING RELIGION
Dear Lor'j,
1 believe in the concept of representative
democracy.The beliefthat all peopleshould
have therightto an informed vote and a fair
election. What I don't believe is the levels
to which some students will resort to in
order to win elections.
As an AEFocus' 95 candidate, I wish to say
to Catherine Wolthuizen I was shocked as
yourself to read die Focus religion policy.
Why? Because it was not ours. Weil, who
printed it?Good question. In fact, what this
was one of the most deceitful, yet possibly
convincing dirtsheetsofthe entire election.
It is one thing to make personal attacks (that
can only be deplored), but it is another to
imitate somebody and represent them on
fake pretences. I believe that law calls it
fraud.
You also question how we can 'represent'
the entire Monash Campus. We do not
exactly advocate that. What we do maintain
is that we made a concerted effort to ensure
that candidates would come from as many
groups, religions, ideologies and faculties
on campus as possible, just as long as they
were not affiliated with any poUtical party.
The only problem with this approach,
howev.er, is we become a threat to the
pol iucal melodramaon campus. We have a
range of beliefs and by Focus's diversity,
cannot and will not ad vocateextreme views.
We can't be validly labelled as any
ideological orreligiousfaction, and so they
react with political propaganda.
To those who wrote our religion policy,
yes, you may have influenced some voters;
but only at the cost of democracy and truth.
Deciding who to vote for at elections is
difficuh in itself. It does not need people
like yourself undernuning the process.
Respect students, don't fool them.
Andrew Seiter
Focus Candidate '95
MAS Administrative Executive Member
Without Portfolio Elect
IMAGINARY FRIEND
Dear Lot's,
If Michael Wilkinson is "Wilko", can Tim
Milikan be "Milko"?
Milko, for all those who' ve forgotten, was
Sally'simaginaryfriendfiDmdiefirstseries
of Home and Away. I think that is very apt.
Lot's of Love
SueDonym.
RETARDED CAT'S VOMIT
Dear Rezo (well-dressed
KezarashvilU,
I don't think)
Youstupid Utfle 18 year old shit. You idiot
I know who you are, I know what you look
like. Isaw you deliveryouremotionally and
intellectually retarded piece of cat's vomit
to Lot's Wife, 1 was sitting nearby at the
time. I'm gonna track you down, and ram
your incredibly passe blackdenimjacket so
far up your insignificant litUe arse, diat the
ink is gonnatum your tongue black. Imagine
being young and stapid enough to honestly
beUeve that I, or indeed anyone in the entire
universe, honestiy gives two flying fucks
whether you live or die, let alone what you
diink (and I use the word think only in die
broadest sense of the word, beUeve me). In
the future, when you've started shaving or
something, and you look back at the
embarrassing littie diatribe you felt your
ego so badly needed to inflict on die fine
people at Monash, I do hope that you cri nge
with the same sense of intense
embarrassment and humiliation that I felt
for you on reading your little scrawl.
I don't know, honesdy, what is the world
coming to, is i t me, or are first years actually
getting stupider, there is only onefirstyear
that I can think of diat is of any worth at all,
apart ftomcat-food, and her name isJoanne.
Anyway, lookfijckwit,just fiickoff and die
and please don't show your ugly little head
anywhere around Uni next year.
Oh yeah, and by the way, your Mother
blows goats.
CARESSING THIGHS
Dear Archangel Michael,
That was simply the most piss-weak attempt
at a letter I have read in my entire life.
What's the matter widi you, lost ya spunk?
Didn't you like the bit about your Modier,
is that your problem? WIMP.
I mean, didn'tyou have time or something,
rushing to get to your next conversion-byviolence, didn' t want to miss those last few
magical and heart-stirring moments of
"Songs of Praise", too busy feeling guilty
for not having whacked youurself over the
head witii a Bible 37timesbefore going to
sleep.Honesdy,youcan'tevengetadecent
Bible basher to be nasty to these days. I give
up. I'm goima sacrifice a couple more
virgins to the dark lord and maybe chew on
a couple more chicken's heads. Well, tara
Mickey-boy, it was fun while it lasted, don't
go stepping in front of a semi-trailer now
will you.
Will you?
All my love and threefingersup yajacksie,
Sam Lewis
PS. Joanne, your letter was absolutely
fantastic and warmed my heart, tiiank-you
very much, it was an absolute cracker. Keep
up the good work darUn' and maybe, one
day, who knows, we might even havealittie
offender of our own. Many kisses and a
gentie caress of the inner ttiigh, Sam.
HILARIOUS
Dear Lot's Wife,
Sadly diis is my last year at Monash and I
just wanted to write something for your
last edition...isn't that sweet: we have
something in common. As this year's
Entertainment Officer I feel diat I can
honestiy say fliat you guys are die most
unappreciative big bunch of bonking
bastards! I put all my heart and soul into
coming up withhilariousroutines topeaoim
at lunchtime and you simply dig die knife in
andtiientwist. I mean who could forget the
hilarious sketch about Matt Nicol's facial
hair; or die dig at Welsi's first gear driving
technique; or die unmistakably 'FullFrontal Standard' comedy skit entiUed,
"Putting Kinder Toys in the Lot's
Microwave to See If They'll Melt in aCup
of Superboiled Water!" Anyone can see
there is a plediora* of stand up comedy in
my body just waiting to escape. It is only die
fact diatl was neverpaid or appreciated that
I did not let any of my comic talent escape
when writing this letter. Suffer you dirty
birdies! Ha hahaha haa!
* Favourite word of uni students.
Lots of larve Dave Button
Artsm
TROT?
Dear Matt Nicol,
Love,
(not in the least)
Sam Lewis.
Outrageous, but what's a Ux)t?
EmmaGardim.
THE X FACTOR
Dear Matt Nicol,
Thank-you for your construct! ve criticism.
Unfortunately, the only new inforaiation
you were able tooffer us was die fact that we
are all trots.
We knew the formula, and we knew that
Real ity Writes would be a perfect example
of it. We did not see any point in trying to
compete directly with the Labormachinein
a marketing exercise of that type, and still
don't. We took a gamble and lost. In my
opinion because;
a) we were fucked over very early on. The
Reality Writes ticket had months longer to
prepare than X, as Labor had them up and
moving whiletherestoftheleftconcentrated
on the main ticket. United Students came
together as an attempt to elect the most
competent people for the job, regardless of
percaved electoral viability or background,
Xw'asacontinuationofthispolicy.Ibelieve
Reality Writes were selected by Labor
months ago on the basis of their popularity
.b) we were absolutely killed on the ground.
A consequence ofthe time we had to prepare,
and the number of people the left had
devoted to the U.S. campaign,
c) our campaignjust didn't work? Hard to
say really as a) and b) had killed us before
it started, and
d) in the dodgiest elections in MAS history,
we didn't pull any dirty tricks. I apologise to
the candidates and campaigners of Reality
Writes, as you didn't have any idea what
was going on.
We are very proud of what we were able to
put together in six weeks, and had an
overwhelmingly positive reaction from
almost everybody we talked to. We all
learned a lot.
Thank-you, Matt, for signing your real name
to a controversial letter. It was much easier
to take coming from someone I know and
respect than it would have been coming
from someone anonymous, like Brett
Williams.
Yours somewhat bitterly,
Mark Ilott
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS:
A DOUBLE-EDGED SWORD
MEN DENIED THE RIGHT TO
VOTE
Dear Lot's,
Dear Lot's,
I write in response to the article "Price
Check on Political Correctness" by Simon
Price in the most recent Lot's Wife. To
protect myself from accusations that I am
committed to any particularpolitical interest
by the things I will say, I will have to admit
that I am a member of NO political
organization on campus. I hope that I will
be judged by my words rather than by any
political "label".
Yes, I'm a feminist. Yes, I believe in
equality for women. Yes, I want to fight for
the equality we all deserve. Yes, I
ran for Women's Officer so as to help
achieve this goal.But no, I do not believe
men should be stopped from voting for
Women's Officer or WAC positions.
This is just as discriminatory as women
accuse men of being!
Labels are what I want to talk about. Simon
Price says that "Political Correctness is a
weapon of the Left, which is used to stifle
political and social debate" by labeling its
opponents and their beliefs with words such
assexist and racist,thussilencing opposition.
This is a kind of cultural censorship which
erodes freedom of speech and in many
cases PC has gone too far. It seems to me
that a number of political elements now use
the term "politically correct" as a label by
which to trivialize and dismiss their
opponents. Those who throw about the
phrase' 'politically correct" willy nilly may
well be committing the same offence as
those whom they fit into the PC pigeonhole.
I cherish my freedom of speech along with
all my other fieedoms. Yet I do think that
there is acase for selective use of censorship.
Ihope that this does not makeme an illiberal
authoritarian. I certainly hope that my
admission will not have me labelled as
some "smelly trot". I think that the M and R
restrictions for films are a good idea. I also
think that the Lot's policy of censorship is
regrettable but necessary. If it were not in
place then I can imagine that our student
publication would be less a newspaper and
more the university toilet wall.
Daniel Berk
Arts IV
OBVIOUS
P.S. a huge thank-you to all those who
helped out, wore our t-shirts and especially
all tho.se who voted for us. To that "ever
more conservative student body" that
ignored us: may you rot in your Country
Road clothes while you sit on your degree
in some dead-end job, you unimaginative
little consumers. I hate you all.
Men were used to help gain the votes
needed to acquire a Women's Officer.
Men pay part of their amenities fees to fiind
theWomen'sOfficerandWAC. Menare
equal to womenjust as much as women are
equal to men. So why is it that women feel
the need to pass such motions as these? Are
they scared? Do they think women are
better than men? Do they want to alienate
men as women have been alienated for
years? Is this payback time? I just don't
understand.
It is every student's democratic right to
vote in shident elections, and it's hard to
understand why halfthe students of Monash
havejust been denied this right. Shouldn't
we consider, as I continually reinforced
during election week, that men and women
need to work together, and not against each
other, to achieve equality? Currently,
by creating more anger, and distancing
ourselves from the other half of the
population, we are not achieving anything.
If a female is being discriminated against
becauseofher gender, the situation should
be rectified.
If a male is being
discriminated against because of his
gender, the situation should be rectified.
This is equality. Banning males from
voting is not equality. Banning males
from voting is encouraging inequality.
Banning females from voting would be
encouraging inequality. But women are
not banned from voting, because if they
were, there would be an uproar. For the
same reasons there should be an uproar
now.
Undernocircumstancesisitbeing suggested
that men are in any way better than women.
It is not being proposed that they can make
our decisions for us. It is not being
insinuated that they should control us. It
is merely being suggested that they should
be allowed the democratic right to vote for
a position they help pay for. I am not
Desi Lot's,
I'm a dickhead.
Yours truthfully,
Simon
Arts I
MONASH
MOTOR SCHOOL
Macpherson
Kelley
ESTABUSHED 1961
Immigration
lawyers
Lessons 7 Days
Manual, Auto
Patient Lady &
Gent Instructors
"Over 30,000 Satisfied Clients"
Specialising in overseas change over Licences
"DISCOUNT FOR STUDENTS AND STAFF"
803 6184
803 6179
S 0 L t C I T0 R S
We are conveniently
ioiated in Dandenong. For
an initial no obligation tree
consultation please contact
Ross McDougall or
Mictiael Thornton.
229 Thomas Street,
Dandenong, VIC, 3175.
Tel: 791 6444.
compromising my feminist beliefs in saying
this, as the definition of a feminist is "a
supporter of women's claims to be given
rights equal to those of men " (The Oxford
Senior Dictionary, 1982). In thisparticular
instance we already have equal rights, as
both men and women have voted up until
this point. It appears to me though, that we
may soon have to fmd a word describing
males who want rights equal to those of
women!
Caria Veith.
LUNCHEON
Dear Colonel,
How have you been; where have you been?
I miss you colonel, and I hope to see you
shortly. We must do lunch soon.
Yours sincerely,
THE Colonel.
AN ELECTION JOKE
DearX,oi'i,
Q: What did the ballot box say to the
Returning Officer?
A: I'll be stuffed if you're gonna count me.
Love,
Brett Williams
Artsm
THE SEARCH NOW OVER
Dear Christopher Anderson,
You have made me so happy, I have been
searching for so long for an Arts student that
can think. It makes me feel really good that
there is someone out there that all Alts
smdents can look up to and aspire to.
I expect you'll be enrolling in Engineering
soon.
Yours,
Jo Kristensen.
Engn
PS. Steve, Volvos really do suck.
A FREEMAN THANKYOU
Dear Suzanne Freeman,
Thank you for your recognition.
Love Caroline Gaylard
ArtsV
We are pleased to offer an expert, confidential
service to all Monash University students and
staff, their families and friends, in all
immigration matters including:
Applications for Australian permanent
residency from inside or outside Australia;
Business migration & employer nomination
scheme applications;
Student and visitor applications and
extentions;
Refugee
Applications;
Appeals of rejections to relevant Tribunals
and the Federal Court.
CROSSFIRE
lf}(2
political rot and bother from various angles in relation to the political divide
DIRTY SHEETS
I would like to respond to Catherine
Wolthuizen's letter "Focus on a Downer",
found in thelastZ.or'^ H'l/eedition. I agree,
for any information sheet to include such
shocking content as the religious policies
on the sheet you read is disgusting. You
may have noticed that I neglected to include
the word 'Focus' when describing this
horrific policy sheet. There is a good reason
for this - it was not a Focus policy sheet. It
was a very devious dirt sheet, disguised as
a Focus information sheet (did you notice
it wasn't coloured, because they
photocopied the logo). Ifsomeone puts out
a dirt sheet that is obviously dirt, people
are not likely to take much notice. On the
other hand, put out a sheet on the pretence
of being serious, and fill it with rubbish just look at the reaction! So I would like
to take the opportunity to express my disgust
at these mystery dirt sheet writers (no doubt
trots who have nothing better to do with
their time than corrupt the democratic
electoral system). I am not aiming to
supportFocus, nordisagreeingwithanyof
their 'real' policies. Myonly intention is
to publicise the fact that many of their
policies were perceived as legitimate, when
in fact they were not. Catherine, you
reacted in the right fashion, but
unfortunately it was unfounded considering
the source of this rot.
Caria Veith.
FEMINIST HYPOCRISY
PURPLE & GREEN
LOVER
JILTED
Dear Lol's,
Dear Lot's^
Ju.st a couple of points.
Firstly, Chris Anderson, thanks for your
credible and factual response. The fact that
three completely different people from
different political persuasions and walks of
life wrote in to take you to task over your
poorly misguided opi nion, yet none of your
corm"ades leapt to your defence should
suggest something to you. You have still
failed to source any of your "crazed ravings"
yet have the audacity to question your
detractors' alleged reading material. The
day the Herald-Sun publishes the sort of
bullshit thatyou consistently dribble, it will
have as much credibility as you do.
Secondly, Jane Treleaven, it is of some
concern that four years into a law degree,
you appear to have U'ouble distinguishing
between what is sexist and what is not. You
claim that a couple of joke slogans on
Liberal badges (by far the most popular
badges of the whole stinking elections) are
sexist and demeaning to women, yet you
support a Women' s Officer who has actively
denied men the right to attend or vote for a
department which tiiey are forced to fijnd.
In areasoned discussion, the R.O. ruled that
our badges were not sexist in any way and
onlychangedthatrulingafteryour persistent
screaming at him. Lighten up, enjoyyourself,
look at the real issues of discrimination and
sexism on campus and give the Daughtera
red hot go next year.
D&a Lot's,
The recentUnionBoard decision toendorse
women's onlyfranchisefor the position of
Women's Officer has exposed the radical
feminist agenda being carried out upon
Monash Students by a group of narrowminded self-interested women. Their
actions and words over the past two years
have demonstrated their marginilisation
from mainstream feminism and contempt
for men.
Kirrily Graydon and Yvette Scholtmeyer
are hypocrites. They expect male students
to compulsorily help fund the Women's
Affairs Committee, yet deny them the right
to elect office-bearers or even attend
committee meetings.
Andrew Kimm
ArtsFV
Thirdly, Yvette, Kirrily and all the others
who believe in taxation without
representation. Maybe if you had made
your hidden, radical, exclusionary agenda
clear at the SGM responsible for creating
the Women's Department, the men of
Monash would have had more sense than to
have voted for it. You have used us just to
pull quorum, vote "YES and pay for your
purple and green, then tossed us on the
scrapheap like ajilted lover. I urge all the
men of Monash to not pay the portion of our
fee that goes toward this Department until
wegetatleast35%ofthewinnablepositinns.
YounhXyJbot's tVi/ewas biased enough this
year with only one ex-Labor student as
editor. How much worse will it be with two,
Julia and Cassandra? Best of luck in the
pioneering year as a voluntarily funded
newspaper.
Dear Matt,
Ournamesare Cassandra, Symon and Julia,
only our friends call us Cass, Sym and
Jules. But £is our humble employee, please
refer to us as Ms. Wavish, Mr. Rubens and
Ms. Shtepa.
Lastly, to the silent majority out there who
support Voluntary Student Unionism (and
who wouldn't afterthis farceof an election?),
your persistence and encouragement will
be rewarded as VSU begins next year.
From now on. corrupt politicians,
incompetent and excl usionary departments
and bia.sed rags will have to pull their
collective fingers out and convince you of
their worth. Heck, democratic elections
may even return.
Ms. Wavish, Mr. Rubens and Ms. Shtepa
Lot's Wife Editors 1995
Yours with the freedom of choice,
Clayton Ford
CALLING MR. NICOL
^
gi.
Tuesday 18th
Octot)or1994
SECRECY
How did University Council end up
approving a new student association with
99% of the student population kept almost
totally ignorant of such a fundamental
change. It's clear our so called
representatives in MAS such as Michael
Wilkinson did everything they could to
keep students uninformed, butsurely others
knew what was going on.
One such group that did know was the
Labor Smdents. At the beginning of the
year a proposal for the new union structure
was submitted to die university. Athough a
numberof student politicians were involved,
such as the MAS Chairperson Janoel Liddy,
this proposal was largely formulated by a
fewmembers of the Labor studentexecutive.
For six months the Labor exec has been
pushing their structure, but how many
students had any idea what these few Labor
students were doing, let alone have any
detailed idea about what was being
proposed. In fact I bet that the vast majority
of Labor students themselves are unaware
of what their "leaders" have been up to.
This secrecy is a byproduct of what I
believe are the undemocratic processes
pre fered bythel^borexecutive(fromhere
on refered to as hacks) These hacks have
operated totally behind closed doors,
negotiating with the university and other
groups. They have done so under the guise
of being pragmatic when in reality they
have achieved nothing(their proposal was
ignored) and theyjust helped to see students
fucked over. The only way to defeat the
underhand scheming of Michael Wilkinson
and CO would have been to expose the
process and educate smdents about what
was being done to them. A mass education
campaign that actually involved students,
leading up to ademocratic forum such as an
SGM or a referendum is the only way to
keep office bearers in line or to force the
university to listen to students. However,
these Labor hacks have had the opportunity
to share vital information with students all
year but they have been silent. For example
BrianO'Connorwason the Administrative
Executive (and has just been re-elected)
this year with Wilko, yet I believe he did
virtually nothingtoexpose what Wilko was
doing. When an SGM was finally called to
deal with this issue, Labor hacks were
instrumental in rushing the timing of the
SGM and thus preventing an adequate
education campaign and quorum being
reached. They also cynically used this SGM
to score cheap electoral points to further
their upcoming campaign and caused the
SGM to degenerate into a name-calling
farce. This was agteatoppotunity to involve
students wasted.
Regardless of the merits of the Labor
students proposal, I believe their failure to
inform studentsof their actions, their silence
on die abuses ofWilkoandtheirsabotaging
of the SGM have helped to screw students
over. Student politicians left andrightwho
have trial (and succeeded) in keeping the
power of decision making to themselves
and not with the student body are the reason
why most smdents view student politics
with exd^me cynicism. The formation of a
new studentstructure with no student input,
is only on more sad chapter in a long history
ofben-ayal.
David Heller
Artsm
HONEST EXPRESSION
CRITICISM
OF
Deal Lot's,
I was deeply disappointed at the treatment
of an article I wrote for the last edition of
Lol's. In this articlelwas strongly critical of
the behaviour of the Labour Student
Executive, and how I believed their
undemocratic behaviour helped us all lose
a student union. I was told this article could
not be printed in the form I submitted
because it was libelous and factually
incorrect. The libelous passages could not
be printed becauselhad not used thecorrect
legal language, ie I did not say "I believe"
in the correct places.
I'm not sure what's sadder - whether the
editors lied about the libelous nature of my
article or whetiier I actually would have
been sued by Labor Students for merely an
honest expression of criticism. As for my
article being factually incorrect, I do not
deny I may have made some errors in my
piece.If had made mistakes, the Labor club
could have easily written a reply pointing
out my errors, or die editors could have
added an ed's note disagreeing with me.
Ithoughstudentnewspapersweresupposed
to be forums fordebate, notencyclopaediac
type journals of facts. The editors are
certainly not so sensitive when it comes to
criticisms of right-wing students. I hate to
agree with the Liberal Students, but I can't
help but feel I have been yet another victim
cf Lot's unspoken bias towards Labor
Students. No wonder you guys spend
thousands of dollars to win the paper. I only
hope that next year'seditors haveastronger
idea of what tine press freedom, political
diversity and debate in astudent newspaper
entails.
David Heller
Artsm
Ed's note: The laws of libel were not
instigated by the editors ofLoi's Wife, but
we do not apologise for not breaking them
simply so you can throw in your two cents
worthabouthowthereisa giant conspiracy
attempting to fucic you over personally.
True press freedom and debate have to be
accompanied by journalistic ethics and
integrity - ethics that include not printing
something you know to be factually
incorrect, and not printing din on people
wilhoutmakingitclearlluititisonlyopinion.
We do not apologise for trying to do our
job. aiul uphold the right of people to not be
vilified in their own student newspaper.
There's a convenient brown dog at Dave's
place.
hl!^
fCROSSFIRE
political rot and bother from various angles in relation to the political divide
I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR
THOUGHT CONTROL
I'M A N INDIVIDUAL
Utai Lot's,
Dear Tim Millikan,
To Tim Millikan,
IreadSimon Price's article 'Price Check on
Political Correctness' with interest and
annoyance. I can't say I was surprised to
read that he thinks that the women's room,
women's officer and women's affairs
committee were an example of political
correctness. I assume he was implying that
they weren't necessary. Liberal boys like
Simon have been writing statements like
this all year in Lot's Daughter and Lot's
Wife. They seem to be of the opinion that
women are not oppressed on this campus.
For somestrange reason you seem to equate
abinding caucus with thought control. Silly
twisted child. A binding caucus does not
mean thatdiversity of opinion isnotallowed
within the group. We have our own
disagreements but we don't air them in
public. A binding caucus works on the
belief that which ever way we go, we go
together. The direction of the group is not
dictated by one or two senior hacks. We
decide as a group and we accept that which
ever way the caucus decides to go, then
that'sthewaywego.Why?Wellifwedon't
then we will spht and the only people who
would gain from this are pricks like you.
Re: Vision. What exactly do you mean by
'group of individuals'? I can not imagine
howyouwouldgo about substantiating any
meaningfiil difference between Vision as a
group of individuals on flie one hand, and
Labor Students as a group of non-individuals
(presumably) on the other hand.
Chris Jack.son
Arts i n
Can there be such a thing as a nonindividual? It would be a strange entity
indeed (I think definitionally 'a'and 'nonindividual' are mutuallyexclusiveconcepts.
DearLol'i,
I find these opinions necessary for two
reasons. Firstly, I am tiled of Liberal boys
hying to tell me what it's like to be a woman
on this campus, I am one. My reality is that
1 doaft go to the gym at night anymore
becaiise several female smdenis here have
been raped on this campus at night. Blatant
examples like this of male oppression of
women are common both on campus and in
the wider society. Australia has the third
highest rate of .sexual assault in the worid
and it is estimated that 25% of women are
sexually abused as children. I have personal
experience of this; my best friend (who
attends another university) was raped by
her boyfriend when we were thirteen. There
are, of course many more subtle ways in
which women are oppressed.
Secondly Ifindit interesting that a member
of the Liberal club thinks that there is no
need for a Women's Officer when the
Liberal club ran a candidate in the MAS
elections this year for that position.
Women need a place to go where they can
relax and be among friends in a nonihreateningenvironment. Many women are
abused and harassed by men and they need
someonelikeaWomen'sofficertogotofor
advice. I don't think Simon Price is at all
qualified to tell me what it's like to be a
woman. He obviously has no idea.
Tineke Stannard
Arts/I.aw III
David Thom
Labor Student and bloody well proud of
PS. Why should wehavetoputourpolitical
ties at the bottom of our letters? Let me
guess, it makes singUng people out for
politically motivated discrimination and
harassment much easier.
' C IS FOR COOKIE
Dear Simon C Price,
Holy shit! More bias in Lot's Wife'.'. Give
me a break. Is that the best you can do? It's
truly amazing just how predictable right
wingers are. If they disagree with someone
they scream 'bias!', the catch cry of the
whingeing liberals who lack anything
substantial to say. Let me reiterate my
original point. Militarism is the belief thatis
acceptable for a state to exercise its
monopoly of violence against other states.
Just that. Not even shooting Jeff Kennett
wouldqualify as being militaristic(al though
it would certainly qualify as a step in the
right direction).
David Thom
PS. What does tiie ' C stand for? 'Cretin'
perhaps?
Perhaps your intention is to point out that
Labor Smdents exists only as a collective
(get it?) entity. You would not be the first.
Frequently this opinion is formed by people
making a superficial analysis of a party
political system. The notion of having to
'tow the party line' does suggest that
individualism must takeabackseat, doesn't
it?
Well nothing could be fiirther from the
tinth! Tim, I am certain that you would
happily admit that Labor students are not a
bunch of Julian Hill clones. Diversity of
opinion and intemal debates over policy,
process and ego are every bit as Uvely
within our collective consciousness as they
appear to be within your 'group of
individuals'.
There is a dichotomy that exists between
the notion of the individual, prima facie,
and the individual as he/she exists witiiin a
group. This is a difficult concept, and it is
the very reason why people balk at the use
of labels. They are convenient, lazy, but
necessary... and while there is a desire on
the part of some to be totally descriptive,
there are insufficient resources (and the
exercise is doomed from the start, as you
are presupposing an objective observer).
What it all boils down to is this:
If you areagroup of individuals, then so too
are we.
Admittedly, diiferences exist between us. It
is ironic that these revolve predominantly
around issues of 'codes of conduct' and
"Pena/Moi Ao^uiO^
^
'personality' ratherthan substantialpolitical
differences.
PSIjust thought; whatifyou'rean individual
who is part of more than one group?
THE ELEPHANT INVASION
Welcome to Monash 1995. No MAS, no
elections and now no outdoor forum. The
fact that outoverlords have decided to erect
"another" monstrosity slap bang in the
middleofthestudenl'scommonis symbolic
of the fiihire of education in Victoria. Our
masters need another tower in which to
watch over us. A tower which will cast an
evil shadow over us all.
It has taken me five years to overcome all
my naive ideas about education and the
modem university. The uni is not here for
students at all. It is here for politicians eager
to implement their misconceived
ideologies. It is here for administration
staff who can now getridof all those filthy
studentrepresentativesand gel on with the
real job of running the place. It is here for
academics on life tenure to tive out their
Uves in comfort. Now, with extra parking
they can be herded inlikeelephants,coming
to Monash to die. Students rifle through
their rotting corpses in the vain search of
knowledge.
The uni is here for construction workers. It
is here for parking inspectors. It is here tor
the grounds staff, here only to water and
manicure the concrete.
"But wait", I hear you cry, you want an.
aesthetically pleasing, functional and
exciting campus. You want (dare 1 say it),
an education. Well, Monash and Jeff
Kennett's Victoria stand by their motto
proud and tall; "Fuck off, pay me now, and
go bother someone else."
Daniel Oakman
ArtsV
THIS
IS THe"
LAST
155*^^
OF
LOTS
V'JlPE.
OHif^ 7iMnt^ic(f/UiU ^uftfra^^'!
New car
Travel
Furniture
Computer
Unpaid Bills
Interest rates from
% 7 B W %
p.a.
' Interest rate quoted is with Mortgage Security; interest calculated dally.
Tertiary Credit Union Co-operative Ltd.
16 Walcefieid Street, Hawthorn, 3122
8195561
Fax: 819 5470
B U T CHEBK UP/.....L£^SS ^Ehprno-.
TfMC
=. i^ofKB DRlNK^riGr TfME
P o w / M T H £ NOTTZ
//
iofs wife
Edition 16
BASKETBALL;
D IS FOR
DYNASTY
THE FRASHLEY
AWARDS
By Ash & Frase
Bruce McAvaney: It's been a
sensational year for sport: the
Commonwealth Games Perkins
Riley fantastic the Chinese women
marvellous and there's football the
West Coast Diesel Williams isn't
he great to watch Rafter hasn't he
been a treat to watch world records
in so many events horseracing
Well Bruce, it has been a great
year in sport and to celebrate the
year that was we have decided to
award for the fitst and possibly last
time the FRASHLEYS ©. The
ceremony held at the Currawa St
Radis.son was a huge night. For
those who missed, out here are just
a smidgin of those presented on the
night.
The 'I wanna hold your hand'
Frashley:
James Lillywhite (English
cyclist) for his romantic pass at
Grant Rice at the Commonwealth
Games
The 'Schwarzenegger' Frashley:
The Chinese
Female
Swi/nming team (by the
way dianks for providing the drugs
on the night).
The 'impoverished' Frashley:
The US Baseball League. Poor
fellows justdon'tgetpaid enough.
Send money now.
The 'Next Big Thing' Frashley:
Pat Rafter. He is the 32nd
recipient of this award since Pat
Cash bowed out of tennis.
By PATRICK CROSS
The 'is that sand in your pocket or
are you just happy to see me?' I THERE IS A FORCE RISING IN
Ithe
National
Basketball
Frashley:
Association's
West
that
may soon
Mike Atherton. We expected so
much morefromaCambridgeboy. become impossible to stop. They
have yet to receive the recognition
from NBA fans, many of whom
The
'Arthur
Tunstali
aiequick tojumpon the bandwagon
administration' Frashley:
of the Bulls, Suns, Hornets and
All-Australian Netball
Magic. Still, no team in the NBA
Association. It's not whetheryou
today can boast a roster with more
win or lose, it's how big a fuck-up
explosive talent and pure ability
you can make.
then the Golden State Warriors.
The Warriors have All-Stars or
future All-Stars at every position
The AFL Grand Final The 1/2 but centre, so centre is the problem
timeentertainmentsurpri.sedusyet coach Don Nelson must face for
again with kids making a map of yet another season. How do you
Australia.Gee, can't wait for the form a championsiiip puzzle with
opening ceremony of the Sydney the most important piece simply
being a stop gap? Defence has
Olympics.
always been the Warriors problem,
The 'GOLDEN FRASHLEY lor and without a true centre, that
always looking on the bright side doesn't appear I ikely to change this
son.
otiile':
The 'it made the Gary Sweet
special look good' Frashley:
The Monash Liberals. Their
Other teams have managed
Nostradamus-like predictions
without a centre. Just look at the
certainly hit the spot. Big hugs and
Chicago Bulls' performances with
kisses from us.
Bill Cartwright at centre, but
Well, there ends a great season Golden State haven't even picked
insport.Lookatforthe"bestbitsof up a handy free agent. At present,
Ash'n'Frase" out now on A4 at all there are possibilities like Chris
Galling, Victor Alexander and
good bookstores.
draftee Clifford Rozier trying to
fill the void. They are tall, but all
are better suited to power forward.
The Warriors may Uy Carlos
Rogers at centre. He was selected
by Seattle, and then traded along
with Ricky Pierce who was
unhappy with Gary Payton in
Seattle, for injury prone Sarunas
Marciulionis and Byron Houston.
The Warriors got the best of that
deal, but not the quahty centre diey
need to toughen the defence. It is
up to Nelson, now, to mold a
championship team with what he
has. There are a lot of coaches who
would love to be in that position.
At guard, start All-Stais Tim
Hardaway and Latrell Sprewell,
with Ricky Pierce, and Keith
Jennings as more then adequate
backups. Unquestionably, this is
the best set of guards in the NBA
Just wait until Hardaway hooks up
with Chris Webber, and see him
lake out die assiststitlethis season.
Hardaway has recently started
playing pick-up games in his
hometown Chicago, and reports
are he will be back to 100 percent
after last season' s tragic knee injury.
Pick from Chris Webber, Chris
Mullin and Billy Owens to start at
forward, with Chris Gading, Carlos
Rogers and CliffordRozier splitting
time between forward and centre,
and Victor Alexander playing
centre. If the Warriors remain
relatively injury free, this is the year
they could win their first
championshipofwhatmaybecome
a dynasty over the next ten years.
With over half the roster having
three years NBA experienceor less,
and depth of talent greater then
most teams, alltiieyneed is tougher
•D".
Other teams which appear to
be building dynasties are the
Orlando Magic and the Charlotte
Hornets. The Magic have some
great talent, but no depth, even with
Horace Grant and Brian Shaw. The
Charlotte Hornets have more depth,
but Zo isn't Shaq. So, in future
years,don'tbesuiprised if Charlotte
is playing Orlando for the right to
meet Golden State in die NBA
Finals. My pick as most likely
dynasty - the Warriors.
INTERVARSITY SOCCER
ByROLFTESMER
THE PHRASE "BAD LUCK"
sums up the Monash University
Soccer Team's performance at this
year's AUG in Wollongong. With
so much expectation riding on the
shoulders of the team after the
previous year's runners-up
performance in Brisbane, the best
the team could manage this year
was a discomforting 5th position,
due to a loss to the home town
boys, Wollongong, in the quarter
finals. Nevertheless, Monash
crushed its nearest Victorianrivais,
the Victorian University of
Technology 5-3 and Melbourne on, and they weren't disappointed.
University 4-1 staking its claim to Wollongong put on quite a show
be the best soccer university in
with a variety of functions and
Victoria. Other matches played parties designed for all to enjoy,
included a 0-0 draw with with their efforts almost rivalling
Queensland University, I-I draw
the Brisbane 1993 AUG. However,
with the Australian College of theDarwin 1995 AUGisprDmising
Physical Education and a 1 -1 draw to be the biggest and best ever, so
with Newcastie University.
now is the time to get involved.
The AUG was not just
competition. 4500 students from
around Australia and overseas
descended upon a well prepared
Wollongong with their party shoes
One final tfianks to die AUG
Sponsors, Schweppes Sports Plus
for making this marvellous event a
reality, and to EDS for their
sponsorship committment to the
Monash University Soccer Team.
Doug Ellis Swimming Pool
Warm yourself up in tropical 29'C
Swimming Coaching
Stroke Correction
^
Squad Training
6 . 3 0 - 9 . 0 0 a.m.
^
Only $ 2 . 0 0
Water Aerobics
' Low Impact
' Re.sislance Training
Sun, Mon. Tucs. & Thurs.
at 6.16p.rn. - 7,00 p.m.
$3.50 includes entry and spa after
Monash University S&R
Tuesday tSth
October 1994
lan
Roast
PROFESSIONALS
Monash l^rtiyersrpif aMdClMh Special Offer
Fully catered functions from $6.50 per head
Includes Succulent Spit Roasted Beef
Damper Rolls, Salads and Condiments
Fantastic Food at Fantastic Prices
> Phone Ray Prohasky 752 2744 - NOW!
ySPORT REPORf^
WINNERS & LOSERS 1994
ByBENCUSSOLD
Season 1994 is now dead and
buried, a second cup headed west,
but the good news is that we
probably experienced one of the
greatest seasons ever. Why? It was
tighter, tougher, and faster than
ever before.
It is only a few months until next
season (a bit like uni really), and
cricket will now take our attention,
but like all football journalists, I
must fust give my reflections of
Season J 994.
ADVERTISING
INJURIES
Winners:
DOCTORS: how did they get M.
Mansfield back on the track after
one week with broken ribs and a
punctured lung.
Losers:
ESSENDON, ST KILDA, &
GEELONG: all decimated most of
the season.
P. CAVEN: next time duck! - do
not take on an elbow that big.
MASCOTS
Winners:
HALF CAT: made it to 250
games, and lead Geelong out onto
the field.
HAWK: stole the blue's head and
won the fight.
Winners:
AFL: "I'd like to see that" an
international award winning ad.
COCA-COLA that was CocaCola for those that missed it the
first time, or perhaps Coke is easier Losers:
BLUE: still looks like a pretty
for you to read.
boy, and was pummelled by the
Losers:
hawk.
CUB: first they let Tooheys
KANGAROO: looks like the
sponsor clubs, then they dropped coyote, not a roo.
you. Loyalty - I'd like to see that
(sorry).
PUYER SWAPS
CHEER SQUADS
Winners:
Winners:
CARLTON: B. Mitchell (under
ESSENDON:someone was given Salary Cap this year ???).
a pocket speller for their birthday.
COLLINGWOOD: N. Buckley.
Losers:
Losers:
CARLTON: too much tape on C.
N. BUCKLEY: thought he might
Bradley & G.Williams' 200 game play in a premiership with
banner - tripped 'em over.
Collingwood.
CROWDS
RULE CHANGES
Winners:
AFL: record numbers.
Winners:
THREE INTERCHANGE: about
bloody time.
Sudden death in finals.
Losers:
CARLTON & HAWTHORN
SUPPORTERS: always leaveeariy
when losing - it is so good to see
such loyalty.
Those who wanted to sec the grand
final.
DRAW
Winners:
GEELONG: the easiest run of the
top teams.
ANYONE who played Carlton
on a large ground.
Losers:
COLLINGWOOD
&
MELBOURNE: Copping West
Coast at the WACA in the finals.
GEELONG: playing afieshWest
Coast in October.
Losers:
CROWDS: blood rule is right,
but takes too long.
TIPSTERS
Winners:
Bookies.
Flukes.
Losers:
EVERYONE ELSE: I fell from
127 in 22 rounds lastyear,to lOOin
24 rounds this year - yuck!
TRIBUNAL
Winners:
GEELONG: Only two players
booked, one charge withdrawn,
other thrown out.
CAR1,T0N: How did Harry get
oil, and those who suspiciously
were not booked - onya I.C.
Losers:
NORTH: W. Carey and C.
McKeman, Biownlow and rising
star favourites. W. Carey had a
death wish, but C. McKeman just
played for the wrong club.
CONSISTENCY: The obvious
loser this year.
UMPIRES
Winners:
GOAL UMPIRES: paid only a
little less than the boundary rabbits,
for far less work.
FITZROY: at least the umpires
gave them some sympathy.
D. HOWLETT: won as many
umpiring awards as G. Williams
did player awanls.
Losers:
BOUNDARY UMPIRES: pink
armbands - how pretty.
THIRD UMPIRE: who is in
control out diere? - Consistency?
Maybe give it more time. Then go
back to two field but four
boundaries who may pay frees.
Hocking, Hinkley, Handley, came
of age.
MOST IMPROVED
Richmond What are these boys
on?
PROTECTED SPECIES
G. Williams More free kicks at
three-quarter time than the entire
Melbourne side (finals - week one).
SOREST LOSERS
Footscray
Fight on the field
not in the court.
Winners:
MCG: new scoreboard.
Losers:
WAVERLEY: too big - ask
Carlton.
OPTUS OVAL: third best venue
in the AFL - you are kidding.
COLLINGWOOD
Injuries, lack of real stars, but
gave it their best shot against the
Eagles.
BEST GAMES OF'94
HAWTHORN
Lack of superstars for finals - not
as good as a couple of years ago.
Best:
State of Origin, Geelong vs
Collingwood, Geelong vs
Footscray, North vs Hawthorn,
North vs Geelong.
Worst:
Geelong vs West Coast: Cats
simply ran out of steam, whilst the
AFL. and Melbourne ensured that
the Eiagles did not.
GOALS
McGuane vs Carlton, Ablett vs
S A, Bradley vs Richmond (I think),
Wanganeen vs Richmond (fluke),
Colbert vs Richmond.
AWARDS
BEST RUN
FINALS TICKETS - MY SOLUTION
Geelong
1 Ithafterround 17,
Do not sell any tickets until Grand
moved to fourth by finals, and
Final Week (excludes super-boxes
finished second after winning nine
and dining rooms).
out often before the GF.
MONDAY - have AFL & MCC
BIGGEST AWARD
Member reserve seats - no
J. Elliott
Wallet,
nose, reservation, no entry.
cigarette and cheat.
TUESDAY - Sell tickets to Club
Members and representatives.
COMMUNTFY SERVICE
Footscray
Thecheersquadfor
the age impaired.
GAME OF THE YEAR
State of Origin
We
robbed.
IMPROVED ATTACK
Essendon
Kirzner
Cummings look good.
was
&
IMPROVED DEFENCE
Geelong
O'Reilly,
McGiath, Mansfield, Colbert, S.
THE REASONS
WORST COLOURS
Fremantle Purple on footy
jumpers?
MARKS
Ablett vs Collingwood, Modra vs
Brisbane, Bames vs Carlton, Cook
vs North, Brownless vs West Coast
(the only real highhght of GF).
VENUES
is duly packed to capacity, and
better atmosphere will result.
There were 7,(X)0 empty seats at
the Grand-Final this year. As a
restricted member, I was unable to
acquire a ticket after going to 20
matches, including 12 involving
Geelong. Yet caller 32, a
Collingwood supporter who has
never been to a footy game of any
type could - UNFAIR!
WEDNESDAY - Sell tickets to
restricted AFL & MCC members.
THURSDAY - Sell tickets to
memtiers of non-competing clubs.
FRIDAY - Sell tickets to General
Public.
Sell in order until sold ouL If sold
out after day two, bad luck! This
way those that support the
competition, and the competing
clubs get thefirstchance at die best
seats. It will ensure that the ground
FOOTSCRAY
Not good enough under pressure
- only injuries got 'em close against
Geelong, notsoagainstMelboume.
CARLTON
TOO SLOW. Diesel starson littie
Optus Oval but not on the G or
Waverley. Incidentally, Carlton
were just average until they got
him.
MELBOURNE
Screw around too much, make
too many errors, give up when
behind.
NORTH
Tackle badly, giving away too
many frees Will leam and improve.
GEELONG
Best team in the second half of the
season, but injuries and fatigue
caught up with 'em.
WEST COAST
Draft concessions are still paying
off, but still far superior. Good run
helped them, but the best of 1994
by 80 points.
CRICKET BIT
Does anyone else find it strange
that Pakistan all but lost the first
test in Karachi, when for the first
time an international umpire was
there. They have not been beaten
there for 35 years. Perhaps you
could claim that they only had half
tile help this year !?!
In the words of some fisherman:
"It's Yibbidy Yabbida to 1994".
The jumper, scarf, beanie, and
badges are put away and we await
1995. Until March, we will have to
watch cricket, and wonder what to
do on Thursday nights witiiout die
Footy Show. Cya.
5tVJ^
People who hang around the office a lot.
i
Name: McGrath, Mel
Alias: McGrath.doc, Quick Draw,
Quickie
Wanted lor: Too mucii. Eleven offences, one of tliem repeated
five times, and one of tliem
wiiiist sober. And for tiaving her
pelvis broken by a hoisa.
Name: Browndog, Jake the
Alias:The convenient brown dog
Wanted forFoul poses and and
typesetting room farts. Getting
the whole Rorty Rorty ticket disqualified.
Name Briggs, Steven
AliasBriggses, Briggsy, The
Briggster, Briggs are heavy
Wanted lorConstant insecurity
about own talent and stereofascist tendencies.
Name: Cameron, Fraser
AliasFrase, Cameron Daddo
Wanted for Chair stealing, refusal
to write anything but sports articles. Excessive studying in
Office.
-^^f-'^ni
Name: Tomklns, Chris
Alias:The Evil Mr Kins, Christ
Omkins
Wanted for:Rldiculous accents,
refusal to go to sleep and late
night Southern Comfort consumption
, 5 i
4 ik *
N
Name: Cody, Dave
Alias: Davey Dave, The odious
Cody
Wanted for: Indecent exposure
(too many times to count), Indecent language (see brown
dog) and Indecent politics (see
PC).
Name: Clampa, Mary-Lou
Alias: The Happy Clampa
Wanted for: Piking in the office
masseuse stakes.
-^ T
a t ,
e A. t-
Name Baker, Neal
Alias: Neal, Neii, Heel
Wanted tor Setting a new record
for lack of quotes from Interview subject in an Interview.
Name: Forrest, Liawela
Alias: WeisI, Weiiington Boot
Wanted for: Indecent exposure
(Panorama Street), and continual layout night romantic dinners.
Name: KInai, Josh
Alias: snosh, Schmooze-meister
Wanted tor Excessive consumption of mind-altering drugs
(PepsiCo variety) and accumulation of thousands of dollars of
freebles under false pretenses.
^ T
^
Name Paton, Leanne
Alias: Lee Lee, Grumpy Bum
Paton
Wanted for: Vagueness, Political
Correctness and being unimpressed with charges.
Name: Hill, Julian
Alias: Toollan, The Pratt
Wanted forEverythlng In the office that goes wrong that isn't
Jeff's fault. Also, aversion to
laying out ads
Name: Kris, Dobbyn
Alias: Ingenue k.d.
Wanted for Excessive D'ohing
and high pitched maniacal glee.
Victim of sports drink advertising
Name: Gaylard, Caroline
Alias: Goolard, Clank, Yvonne
Wanted lor: Being a proof-reader.
Nuffsald.
Name: Jurburg, Ashley
Alias: Sausage Boy, Sumo,
As'n'Jerkburg
Wanted for: Using the office as a
recruiting ground for basketball
players.
Name: Mond, Ian
Alias: The News Sub-editor
Wanted tor Failure to understand
simple grammatical concepts,
and repeated use of the phrase
"tell me whats been happening
on campus lately".
^
^
^
^ ^ ^ ^ ^
^
<\ <»
Name: NIcol, Matt
Alias: Shmicol, Nicole Matthews,
Brett Williams
Wanted tor Assuming that his
cuddly exterior will excuse ail
manner of offensive jokes.
Name: The Moroni TWins
Alias: Bill McGowan & Symon
Rubens
Wanted forExcessive promising
to do something at lay-out.
And just before we go...
A quick thanks to all the people who brought you this year's Lots Wife. We couldn't have done it without you. Many Smooches
Photos by Cameron McConnell - thanks Cameron!!
The lovely people who turned up to the photo shoot are:
Back Row: Bill (sometime feature writer) McGovv^n, Gabby (seriously, I will kick the door down) Ackland, Chris (don't tell them I'm evil) Tomkins, MaryLou (need a massage?) Ciampa, Neal Baker
Third Row: Brett (I do so like this newspaper shit) Peebles, Steve (tell me if you think this is funny) Briggs, Llawela (do you mind if I hit you) Forrest, Sara
(does anyone want some coffee?)Porto, Mel (give me something else to do, I haven't got enough on my plate) McVeigh
Second Row:Cassie Wavish.Julian (I think I need some drugs) Hill, Leanne (has anyone seen my scalpel of death?) Paton, Dave (there's a convenient brown
dog at my place) Cody, Mel(quick type) McGrath, Josh (has Catherine from Warner Bros Called?)Kinal, Ian (give me something to write)Mond
Front Row: Kris (Sev run anyone?) Dobbyn, Matt (I'm just going to buy some food in the Onion) Nicol, Jake (Brown Dog Brown Dog) Brown, Symon
(I do not look sleazy) Rubens, Fraser (pass me another one of those beers) Cameron
People who are still lovely but didn't turn up for the photo shoot are:
Ashleyjurburg, Carrie Gaylard, Marion Slawson,Jeff Mentiply (piker), Melea Tarabay, Alix Winter,Jamie Walvisch, Andrew Ford,John Molnar, Joel Tyndall,
Leigh Vogelaar (got it right this time), BO'C, Lorien, Yvette S-M, Janoel Liddy, Julia Shtepa, Ari Abrahams, Richard Kassaby, Dave Button, Dan Lewis,Jerome
Lupkes, Lara Woolf, Brendan Jones, Celia Armstrong, Mark llott, Marty McQuilten Sara Trennery, Liz Vun, Eugene Ware, Liam Cody, The Mystery Men,
Suzy Howard, Adam Parker, Anna Phelps, Bel Arber, Nicolajayawardhana, Markjeanes, Vicky Graham, NatashaToholka, Sel Papps, David Le, Tim Gattuso,
Stuart Orr, Tanya Sokolowski, The Monash Liberal Club, and everyone else who we can't remember at this stage of the evening.
You're all very naughty, but we love you anyway. Thanks guys.
.g Hiitihison
^
l,.|o(;<»ms
N O W AVAILABLE W I T H
•
M)
MOTOROLA
VOICEMAIL
BE O N A I R FOR LESS T H A N $4 A W E E K
24 H O U R S A DAY 7 DAYS A WEEK
•
R E C E I V E MESSAGES W I T H I N 30 S E C O N D S
Now Available from the Union Shop.
fun things for students to do and a few un-fun things too - batteries not included - parental supervision optional
Comps And Gimmes
Ansett Australia Young
Writer Awards
To be organised through the pages
of The Independent Monthly, the
competition featured prize for first
place exceeds $ 1,000 in value. All
entrants must be 26 or under and
entries must be in by December 1.
Details in The Independent
Monthly.
PCU Pit Party
To graduate they've got to pull off
the biggest party of the year. Lot's
Wife has five double passes to see
the latest Fox/Columbia/Tristar
release PCU Pit Party Wednesday October 19 - 6.30pm
Hoyts finenui Centre.
To wiii'one, just race into the
Lot's Wife Office before 5.00pm
on Wednesday and answer this
question: Will you please give me
a double pa.ss to PCU Pit Party?
Live and Sweaty
At The Station Hotel
Studio 52 and BASF present
Remedy Stone
Every Thursday - 8.30pm
ph: 5102881
At Luna Park
Pusli94
Saturday Nov 19
Ipm-llpm
Featuring:
The Meanies, IMagic Dirt,
Battle of the Bands with
Peter Rosethom.
$14
At The Continental Cafe
The Swedish Jazz Kings
Tiies & Wtds - Oct 18 & 19
Vince Jones
Fri & Sat - Oct 21-22
MS Benefit
Featuring: The original Captain
Matchbox Whoopee Band, and a
.star studded lineup of music,
comedy and entertainment.
Multiple Sclerosis is a disease of
the central nervous system
affecting more young Australians
than any other neurological
condition.
Thursday October 27
ph: 510 2788
At The Prince of Wales
Red Dress
Wed 19
The Browns + Drama
Queen + Philospher Stone
Thurs 20
Hard Ons + Christbait +
Snout -I- Mace
Fri 21
Dave Graney & Coral
Snakes -i- The Plums +
Black Susans Trio
Sat 22
Hooray for Everything
Sun 23
And coming up . . .
TISM, The Fireballs and
Frenza! Rhomb
Fri 28 to Man 31
Imagining the Future: Our
Cities
340 Gore Street Fitzroy
Wednesdays 6.30-9.30pm
Forum 2 - Nurturing a
Greener Aesthetic
tudent Association will employ people t o |
fill the following positions:
pproximately 25 hours per vreek ( m ^
e shared)
iommencing salary from $23,000 pa
lust be conversant with:
Idus Pagemaker (VS.O)
:orelDRAW! (V3.0)
licrosoft Word for Windows (V2.1)
Briod of Employment approx 29 weeks
4 weeks semester one; 15 weeks
imester two; mid-February
) mid-October)
At Other Places
World's Greatest Survivor
Joe Simon, world-renowned
mountineer, best selling author,
outstanding speaker, and all-round
world-saving great dude will be
touring and giving lectures to raise
money for the Australian
Geographic Society and to
promote his new book This Game
of Ghosts.
Tuesday 18 Octob -r
Melbourne University. Contact
(02)450 2300forUckets.
Lunch and Music
Mature Age and Part Time
Students present
The Vegetarian Euphoria
Luncheon
Friday December 9 - 12.00pm
Wholefoods Restaurant
Featuring the B Mus Quintet
Phone: 905 3199
Theatre
At The Ecoversity
Wife 1995
ITESK'rraiKS):
October 19
Forum 3 - Transforming
Public Infrastructure
October 26
Forum 4 - Enhacing
Community Life
Novenher2
Forum 5
November 9
Waged $7 Unwaged $5
ph: 417 2033
PlUM)FRKAl)li:K(S)|
$150 per edition (may be shared)
Experience preferred.
I^LINAC^ilK
$136.70
Period Of Employment Approx 31
Weeks
(early February to late October)
Individual a p p l i c a t i o n s a r e r e q u i r e d . A p p l i c a t i o n s a r e t o b e l o d g e d w i t h
>hn M a r t i n - B r o w n , H u m a n R e s o u r c e s M a n a g e r , b y F r i d a y 4 t h N o v e m b e t j
1994 ( l e t t e r b o x l o c a t e d b e h i n d U n i o n D e s k ) .
Lano and Woodley
Perrier Pick of the Fringe Award
One Show Only
October
28-8.00pm
Athenaeum Theatre
S 19.90 and $15.90 concesssion
Rusden Dance Theatre
presents
Gauguin's Questions
Forum No 2 - October 19
Oct 19-22 and 26-29
8pm Studio 5 Building C
pW.2M1319
Monash Players presents
The Edge
Written and directed by Keira
Lyons
October 18-22
Union Theatre
Bookings: 905 3108
Sydney Theatre Company
Oleana
by David Mamet
November 17-19
Alexander Theatre
Bookings 905 1111
iradltional Festivals
Exams
Back again this year with a
vengeance. Nothing will stop this
festival, not even fantastic
weather.
Christmas
will be held on the
25th of December
this year, all around the world
featuring the acclaimed T o o Much
Tinsel' and badly produced
celebrity Christmas Carol CD's
playing in all the major shopping
centres.
If you would like to promote anything
on the free listings "Lot's On", you
can't anymore. But still tell us about it
because we're going to need
something to do now it's all over. Lot's
returns in March, so if you 've got
something on then, call Matt on 9053183.
J i^j^titw
a
MEMBEUS FOR UYV S mVll 'UliVM 1995
Positions Vacant:
OTHER POSITIONS:
Basketball Tipping Co-ordinator
Footbal Tipping Asstant
Co-ordinator
Cartoonists
Photographers
C&S Liasion Officer
SUB EDITORS:
News
Interviews
Reviev/s
Sports
Campus Politics
MUlSS
MAPS
MPA
International Students
ideal applicants should have some experience in these areas o r an insane
amount of enthusiasm and dedication! These positions are voluntary.
W r i t t e n applications can be made t o the Editors Elect,
c/- Lot's W i f e , by t h e 4th of November.
Lofs
me
Editkxiia
Nothing is ever simple.
(p^^
New Union Structure - Anti-Student Unionis
Elections - Exams - Where to go for your holiday
Thank Goodness for your student racq
Borrowed from