April 18, 2003 - Virginia Law Weekly

Virginia Law Weekly
The Newspaper of the University of Virginia School of Law Since 1948
“Freedom of religion, freedom of the press;
freedom of persons under the protection of the
habeas corpus; and trial by juries impartially
selected, — these principles form the bright
constellation which has gone before us, and
guided our steps through an age of revelation
and reformation.”
THOMAS JEFFERSON
Around
North Grounds
Thumbs up to the
new WhisperRidge
Behavioral Modification Center on Arlington, formerly the Brown
Schools of Virginia. The bright and
shiny new logo makes ANG think
happy thoughts, without the benefit of electrodes.
Ever work on a yearbook, or a
website? Sign up for the SBA Yearbook and Website Committees.
This is your chance to make us all
look good. Contact jht3k for more
information.
Thumbs up to Admissions for letting
ANG into U.Va.
Law. ANG is still not
sure how it happened, but ANG
will run with it.
ANG would like to thank the
maintenance staff for coming to
the Law Weekly’s office to replace
the ceiling tiles. Unfortunately,
we now have another leak for you
guys to fix. Seriously.
You can still look sharp in a
softball tournament shirt —
Catherine Connor (cec3g) or Jon
Woodruff (jsw3f) are selling short
sleeves for $12 and long sleeves
are $16.
Vol. 55, No. 25
Friday, April 18, 2003
Faculty Members Emerging from Tenure Process
by Michael Spitzer ’04
This spring, the Law School faculty have recommended two professors to join them as permanent
members of the institution. Professors Caleb Nelson and Jennifer
Mnookin have received the nod
from their fellow academics to join
the ranks of the tenured. Professor
Julia Mahoney also is in the process and expects her candidacy to
be voted on soon.
According to Professor Elizabeth
Scott, the Chair of the faculty’s
Lateral and Tenure Appointments
Committee, the tenure process begins when the Dean appoints a
subcommittee for each candidate.
Each subcommittee consists of professors knowledgeable in the
candidate’s area of expertise,
whether it be constitutional law or
torts. The subcommittee then
evaluates the candidate in three
areas: teaching, scholarship, and
service. The teaching component
reflects student evaluations of the
candidate over the years, interviews
with current students, and classroom evaluations by subcommittee
members themselves. The second
component, scholarship, requires
subcommittee members to seek out
the opinions of colleagues at other
law schools and to evaluate the
candidate’s work. Finally, the third
component, service, is based on how
well the candidate participates in
school governance, advises students, and demonstrates intellectual collegiality, among other fac-
tors. While no one candidate probably will excel in all areas to the
same degree, a serious deficiency in
one area will probably be fatal to a
candidacy. Typically a professor has
to be on the faculty at the Law
School for at least five years to be
considered as a candidate for ten-
Thumbs down to
the University for ruining Dean Harmon’s
beautiful back yard
with construction,
only weeks before Graduation.
Thanks to Mary at the SFC for
cutting ANG a little slack and letting ANG bring the lunch money a
couple days later. ANG loves the
Community of Trust.
Thumbs up to Professor Earl Dudley for
staying on course
enough to end his
Evidence class earlier than scheduled. This only shows that you cannot stop Professor Dudley. You can
only hope to contain him.
In this issue:
Tom O’Grady Hurt Himself .......................... p. 5
The Joys of WWE
Wrestling ............... p. 7
denied a recommendation by the
faculty for tenure.
Professor Caleb Nelson graduated from Yale Law School and was
Articles Editor of the Yale Law Journal. After graduating from law
school, Professor Nelson clerked for
the Honorable Stephen Williams of
photos courtesy law.virginia.edu
Professors Mnookin, Nelson, and Mahoney
ure.
After making its assessment,
the subcommittee then sends its
report to the Appointments Committee. The Appointments Committee meets twice per candidate
to debate the merits of the candidacies, and it makes changes and
recommendations to the subcommittee report. The final report
from the Appointments Committee then goes to the faculty for a
vote. Once the faculty approve,
the candidates for tenure go to the
Provost of the University for final
approval. According to Professor
Scott, the Provost has rarely if ever
the U.S. Court of Appeals for the
D.C. Circuit, and then went on to
clerk for Justice Clarence Thomas
on the U.S. Supreme Court. Nelson
also worked as an editor for The
Public Interest, a public policy journal, and as an associate at a law
firm prior to joining the faculty at
U.Va. in 1998. Professor Nelson focuses his scholarship and teaching
on constitutional law, federal courts,
and civil procedure.
Professor Jennifer Mnookin is
also a graduate of Yale Law School,
where she was a Senior Editor for
the Yale Law Journal. She also received a Ph.D. in History and Social
Study of Science and Technology
from MIT. She has focused her scholarship on scientific evidence, particularly handwriting identification,
DNA, and fingerprint identification.
When contacted by the Law Weekly,
Professor Mnookin said that she
was “truly honored by the confidence that my colleagues are showing in me through their decision to
award me tenure. When I heard
the news I was absolutely thrilled
— and more than a little relieved.”
Professor Mnookin also had high
praise for her fellow academics
and the students at U.Va. Law
School. “I’ve got fabulous colleagues and fabulous students; it’s
a great combination. In fact, with
the blend of high intellectual standards and collegial support that
we offer here at U.Va, I think this is
probably the best place to be a junior faculty member in the entire
country.”
Preofessor Julia Mahoney is also
a graduate of Yale Law School. She
joined the faculty in 1999, and
teaches courses in corporations and
property. She has previously taught
at the University of Southern California Law School and at the University of Chicago School of Law.
Because Professor Mahoney began
teaching a semester after Professors Nelson and Mnookin, each step
of her candidacy for tenure is occurring behind the others.
Becaues it reflects a factual correction, his story differs from the
print version.
Justice Kennedy Chats
with Students
Thumbs up to the
new organizers of
the Fifth Annual
Conference on Public Service and the Law, Co-Chairs
Carrie Apfel and Trent Packer,
Panel
Director
Tenaya
Scheinman, Conference Manager
Katie Bagley, and Fundraising
Director Jake Olcott.
Thumbs up to
NGSL for donating
$8,000 from the Softball Tournament to
Children, Youth and Family Services, Inc., a private non-profit
agency serving Charlottesville and
surrounding counties.
Subscriptions Available
photo by Sam Young
Chief Justice Rehnquist
Lectures amid Protest
by Gretchen Agee ’04
On Friday evening, Chief Justice of the United States William
H. Rehnquist delivered the Fifth
Annual Abraham Lecture in Caplin
Auditorium. Professor Barbara A.
Perry from Sweet Briar College
welcomed the guests and acknowledged the patron of the lecture
series, Henry J. Abraham, Professor of Government Emeritus at
the University of Virginia. Professor Robert O’Neil, Founding Director of the Thomas Jefferson Center for the Protection of Free Expression, introduced the Chief Justice. O’Neil noted that the Chief
Justice has visited the Law School
on numerous occasions, and that
this must “attest to his comfort at
being among us and to his generosity.”
For the lecture, Rehnquist spoke
about the extra-judicial activities
of the Court, a subject on which he
is currently writing a book.
Rehnquist showed himself a student and devotee of history as he
discussed various events from the
Court’s past, beginning with the
commission of the first Chief Justice, John Jay, as special envoy to
Great Britain and concluding with
the Warren Commission, which
investigated the assassination of
President John F. Kennedy.
The focal point of Rehnquist’s
remarks was the participation of
several justices on a commission
that decided the election of 1876.
These justices were later criticized
for being included in such a political event, but Rehnquist thought
they should “be commended rather
than criticized for their participation,” because it “saved the nation
from armed conflict.” He further
noted that their participation
“may have tarnished the reputation of the Court,” but that their
involvement was necessary. Some
observers wondered whether
Rehnquist’s focus on this commission stemmed from criticism generated after the Supreme Court’s
decision in Bush v. Gore and his
clear support of the prior justices’
action as implicit justification for
the Court’s ruling in that case.
Earlier in the evening, about
22 people marched outside the
entrance to Caplin Auditorium
see REHNQUIST page 2
Printed on
recycled paper
the Court. Kennedy traced the daily
by Gretchen Agee ’04
Last Thursday, the Law School activities of the justices, from readawarded Justice Anthony ing briefs, to hearing oral argument,
Kennedy the Thomas Jefferson to writing opinions. He noted that
Foundation Medal in Law. Since the Court only takes cases “when
the University of Virginia does we think our guidance would be
not give honorary degrees, a helpful,” and usually waits until
Jefferson Medal is the institution’s the circuits have split and academics have considered how various lehighest honor.
gal rules would
J u s t i c e
play out in the
Kennedy has
legal system.
been an AssociAfter oral arguate Justice on
ment, Kennedy
the Supreme
said, there is alCourt for the
ways “a mopast 15 years,
ment of awe as
having previwe see the sysously served on
tem working.”
the Court of ApIn writing opinpeals for the
ions, he noted
Ninth Circuit.
the importance
Kennedy was
of finding a ranominated to
tionale that will
the
highest
unite a majority
court by Presiof the Court as
dent Rea gan afwell as “comter the nominamand the alletions of two
giance of the
other candipeople to the dedates — includcision and the
ing famously
conservative
photo courtesy us.courts.gov Constitution.”
Kennedy
Judge Robert
Justice Anthony Kennedy
graciously anBork — were
contested fiercely and ultimately swered questions from members of
rejected by the Senate. Dean John the audience on subjects ranging
Jeffries, in his introductory remarks, from television programs about the
noted that this political history led Supreme Court — which he thought
to the nomination of Kennedy as a had plots that were “less than vacumore “pragmatic” candidate. ous” — to his private practice in
Jeffries further described Kennedy California, to his experience with
as being “conservative in the sense the Senate confirmation process.
of being a traditionalist” and hav- Kennedy particularly cautioned
ing a “distinctly American style” that legislators’ insistence during
that embraces both the past and the confirmation process on certain
views may be jeopardizing the indefuture of American law.
In his public address, Justice pendence of the judiciary.
To the law students in the audiKennedy spoke to students, admitted students, and faculty members
see KENNEDY page 2
about the practical functioning of
2
News
Virginia Law Weekly
Friday, April 18, 2003
Admitted Students Flock to School
have handled the situation any bet- we couldn’t have the BBQ and Hung
by Laurie Ripper ’05
Jury outside,” Cantrell explained,
This past weekend, more than ter.”
Admitted students this year re- “but thankfully a lot of students
250 admitted students descended
upon Charlottesville to visit what ceived a more personalized intro- hosted informal gatherings at their
may very well become their future duction to U.Va. Law. According to apartments before Bar Review.”
home and alma mater — consider- Cantrell, admitted students appre- Also on account of the inclement
ing that historically, 70% of those ciated the more informal “Contracts weather, “we had to have almost
who attend Admitted Students to Clinics” subject-area panels, not- every meal in Scott Commons and
Weekend ultimately choose U.Va. ing that “students seemed to enjoy every single event inside, but the
Law. One couldn’t help but notice having “classes” directed at them staff did a great job of making sure
the Law School still
the
name-tagged
looked great.”
newbies being shown
According
to
around Grounds and the
Cantrell, it was unfresh faces appearing at
fortunate that the
Bar Review — especially
Hung Jury show had
because there were
to be cancelled benearly a hundred more
cause it was one of
students this year than
the main events that
in previous years.
had been planned in
The Admitted Stuorder to downplay the
dents Weekend coprominence of Bar
chairs, first-years MarReview. “We had
garet Cantrell and
hoped that would
Natalie Kernisant, were
provide an alternaup to the challenge of
tive event for those
such increased numbers,
students that did
but said they couldn’t
not want to go to
have done it without the
Bar Review,” she
help of fellow First Year
said. Because the
Council members and evrain cancelled that
eryone else who particievent, “There were
pated to help make the
not as many options
weekend a success.
for students on
“Many hosts were enthusiastic about taking more
graphic by Sam Young Thursday night.”
The admitted
than one admit and acThe Five Elements of Life in Charlottesville
students were also
tually kept coming back
with time for their questions,” were exposed to one thing that
for more!” Kernisant said.
The co-chairs also praised the rather than just being able to sit in wasn’t on the schedule, but
administrators who helped plan on a first year course. Admitted might very well be the deciding
the weekend — traditionally more students also received the student factor in their decision to choose
of a student-initiated event — es- activities fair, receptions, and the U.Va. According to Cantrell,
“they particularly commented on
pecially Deans Palmer and Bergen, student panel well.
It can’t be said that everything how friendly the students and
Director of Donor Relations Laura
Pietro, and Teri Johnson of the went off without a hitch — the faculty were and how much evDean’s Office. “As in any transition weather, after all, caused almost eryone seemed to enjoy being
year, there were things that can be all events to take place at a rain here.” Kernisant added, “Speakimproved upon for the future,” site — but luckily, everyone stepped ing one-on-one with the
Cantrell admitted, but considering up to overcome the obstacles posed prospectives gave me a renewed
that “[t]here were a lot of variables, by increased numbers and bad vigor and excitement about just
including the weather and the in- weather. “There was a lull in the how truly great and unique our
creased attendance, they couldn’t schedule on Thursday night when community is.”
Virginia Law Weekly
○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○
Editor-in-Chief
Christopher Colby
Victor Kao
Executive Editor
Production Editor
Mike Spitzer
Managing Editor
Gretchen Agee
News Editor
Columns Editor
Lorre Luther
Features Editor
Claudia Gee
Sarah Levine
Reviews Editor
Business Editor
Sam Young
Scott Pluta
Photography Editor
Treasurer
Associate Editors
Tom O’Grady
Associate Columns Editor
Laurie Ripper
Associate News Editor
Brian Green
Illustrator
Nick Benjamin
Associate Reviews Editor
To the Editor:
We, as Admitted Students Co-Chairs, would like to express our
sincere gratitude to the entire student body for all their patience,
enthusiasm, and assistance in helping make this year’s Admitted
Students Weekend one of the greatest and best-attended ever! With
a record-setting 252 confused prospectives roaming the halls, this
year’s process ran extraordinarily smoothly, largely due to the
efforts of the administration, the faculty, the students, and the
staff. It has been our pleasure to work on a project that so many were
eager to assist in. Admitted Students Weekend was a success
thanks to the efforts of the entire community and we wanted to say
thank you.
Sincerely,
Natalie Kernisant and Margaret Cantrell
Co-Chairs, Admitted Students Weekend 2003
REHNQUIST
continued from page 1
and chanting slogans as attendees of Rehnquist’s speech filtered
into the building. One protester
had a megaphone and led calland-response chants that included “Integration now, segregation never!”; “Rehnquist says
‘Jim Crow,’ we say ‘Hell, no!’”;
and “‘Separate but Equal’ is a lie,
affirmative action must not die.”
As protesters circled on the sidewalk opposite Caplin, a pair of
U.Va. police officers observed
their activities.
The march was sponsored by
the Coalition to Defend Affirmative Action by Any Means Necessary (“BAMN”). Tanya Troy, a
national organizer of the group
and not a U.Va. student, said
BAMN plans to organize a gathering everywhere a Supreme
Court Justice speaks until the
Court hands down its decision in
Grutter v. Bollinger. Troy identified several of the marchers outside Caplin as students attending Michigan schools, some from
the BEET
Sowing sarcasm at the Law School
Scott Meacham
Drew Larsen
Letter to the Editor
Allison Haddock
Associate Features Editor
Staff
COLUMNISTS : Sarah Baker (SBA Notebook), V ANGUARD.
CONTRIBUTORS : Rob Boller, Adam Greene, Brent Olson, Justin Park, David Sergenian, Laura
Williams, and David Zetoony.
R EVIEWERS: Sabrina Hassan and T.K. Wingfield.
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The Virginia Law Weekly publishes letters and columns of interest to the Law School and the
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Washington, D.C., and a number
from the University of Virginia.
According to Troy, the group is
“determined to hold onto affirmative action everywhere in the
country” and marched at U.Va.
Law “to make [their] message
clear to Rehnquist.”
KENNEDY
continued from page 1
ence, Kennedy had a clear message: “I hope you get the most out of
your law school experience. You
have more time to reflect on the
law now than you will ever have in
private practice.” The law is like a
language, with its own “grammar,
logic, rhetoric, restraint, and constraint.” He urged students to
“learn the language of the law,
which is one of the great national
resources of this country.” Finally,
Kennedy said he looked forward to
“having you as colleagues in this
noble profession.”
As part of his visit to the Law
School, Justice Kennedy also
taught Constitutional Law to the
entire first-year class and had lunch
with selected students.
○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○
Administration Looking For New
Kind of Law Student
by Stu Shapley ’03
Overrated and fundamentally
unsound. The buzz around North
Grounds after Admitted Students
Weekend is that the class of ’06
promises to be one of the weakest
rookie classes ever.
The most prestigious of the
three-day minicamps put on by
legal institutions around the
country to screen young talent,
Admitted Students Weekend ’03,
affectionately dubbed “The Combine,” provided a long-overdue
wakeup call to legal educators.
“Too long we have been snoozing
and trying to nap through the
problem of college graduates who
lack the basic skills necessary to
be real players at U.Va. Law,”
said Dean Bergen, the event’s
administrative overseer.
From their arrival Thursday
afternoon to their Saturday morning departure, prospective students submitted to a battery of
tests designed to gauge their potential at Virginia. Keeping with
tradition, the evaluation began
with the Pork Products Endurance Test, in which candidates
were to continuously gorge themselves on Big Jim’s BBQ, cole slaw,
and beer for three hours while
enduring condescending banter
from snooty Yalies who won’t come
here anyway. By 5:30, the double
’Hoos, heavily favored to win the
event, had already succumbed to
food coma while the Yalies had
shanghaied the keg and begun a
long and wanky discussion of
LSAT scores, Serbo-Croatian cinema, Con Law, and LSAT scores.
This shameful first chukker per-
formance hinted at the mediocre
spectacle to unfold over the next
48 hours. In decidedly un-Virginian fashion, the admits got up as
early as 8:30 on Friday to register
and attend seminars and mock
photo courtesy Eurobasketball.com
Newly-Admitted Students.
classes, and had the temerity to
ask questions and take notes,
despite their hosts’ generous invitations to play FreeCell and surf
www.cameltoe.org. At that night’s
party, the new blood bagged on a
final opportunity to prove themselves worthy of Thomas
Jefferson’s law school, and instead
hit the trifecta of social failure.
No man or woman from the class
of ’06 — if the school even bothers
to have one — will hook up, win at
pong, or seize upon the opportunity to drink and act like British
soccer fans.
With the college graduate pool
long since run dry, and the practice of offering scholarships to
strongly interested students with
work experience wholly discredited by the class of ’03, Admissions has chosen to go with a still
different kind of law student by
turning to high school and international talent for the fall of 2004.
Reliable sources close to Dean
Harmon report that next year’s
top recruits include prepsters
LeLearned Hand and Chad
Thorgood V, as well as mysterious Serbian phenom Zlobodan
Zglllgh. An academic unknown
quantity, but six-foot-eight and
still growing, Hand has law school
scouts drooling over his unteachable height, a basic requirement
for any aspiring champion moot
court oralist, Libel Show Director, Head Commisioner, or former
SBA president — measured
circumfrentially. An eight-year
junior at Choate with a negative
GPA and single-digit PSATs,
Thorgood V already drinks and
destroys furniture at a third-year
level, prompting speculation that
he will be the first high school
junior to make the leap straight
to Alderman Road. As for Zglllgh,
little is known of him other than
that he currently works as a research assistant at Legal Beograd
LLP, and is a deadly gunner who
can hit the in-class question all
the way from the back row without betraying a complete lack of
preparation.
Virginia Law Weekly
Friday, April 18, 2003
News Briefs
“
SBA Art Show in Progress
Ritter Committee to Select Scholars
by David Zetoony ’03
The SBA is sponsoring an Art Show featuring works by students,
staff, and faculty in the Klaus Reading Room on the second floor of the
library. The Art Show features fourteen artists and contains fifty
works ranging from sketches, caricatures, and photography to digital
art that uses the natural lighting of windows to replicate LCD displays.
The pieces were solicited from the community last semester and
went on display two weeks ago. The display will continue through the
end of the semester and will culminate with a wine and cheese
reception this Wednesday at 6 p.m. The reception is open to the public,
will last about an hour, and will be an opportunity to meet the artists
and to make informal bids for the exhibited works. Both the SBA and
some of the artists have indicated a desire to make this an annual
event, so students are encouraged to look for a chance to submit more
pieces next semester.
The organizers of the Art Show thank Professor Lilly and the Law
School’s Art Committee for their help. They also thank Taylor Fitchett
and Micheal Klepper in the library for donating the use of the Klaus
Reading Room and sponsoring the reception.
by Scott Meacham ’04
The Ritter Scholar Selection Committee currently is soliciting
nominations from members of the Law School for second-year law
students who will receive $2,000 tuition awards in the fall. Up to
four students will receive awards; anyone who is a student, faculty
member, staff member, or alumna/alumnus may nominate a potential recipient. Nominees must be current second-year students.
Joint JD/MBA students also are eligible to receive the tuition
award, but must be in their third year of study.
The goal of the Ritter Scholar program is to recognize the extraordinary “honor, character, and integrity” of rising third-year law
students. The nomination process is not particularly extensive, as
each nomination requires only a pair of supporting letters. Nomination forms are available in the Student Affairs Office and are due by
5 p.m. on May 2.
C. Willis Ritter ’65 created the Ritter Scholar program in memory
of his parents, Mary Claiborne and Roy H. Ritter. Among past Ritter
Scholars are current faculty members Elizabeth Magill and Barbara Armacost.
Range Residents Select Rooms
Virginia ABC Bears Down on Foxfield
by Chris Colby ’04
The first graduate students selected under a new process met Apr. 6 to
select their rooms in the Ranges, the buildings that line the exterior of
Jefferson’s Lawn at the center of the University. The 51 new residents
were chosen from among 71 applicants through a new process that
graduate students created, a change from the earlier first-come, firstserved system. Now each would-be resident must submit 500-word essay
on how he or she would encourage a greater sense of community on the
Range and among graduate students. A selection committee of 17 current
Range residents read the applications, which included some poems and
one dialogue between the applicant and Thomas Jefferson.
The Range residents have formed themselves into a Range Council,
modeled after a neighborhood association or house council concept, which
plans to meet the first Sunday of every month when classes resume. The
Council will be in charge of overseeing financial and administrative
aspects of the Range, planning informal programs, managing the selection process, and working for better living conditions on the Ranges.
Programming ideas include a Lawn-Range football rivalry, the provision
of informal career advice to Lawn residents, and the hosting of gettogethers for TAs and their classes.
Next year’s Range will house approximately four Darden Business
School residents, six residents in the Curry School of Education, seven
Medical School residents, eight residents from the Engineering School, 15
residents in the Graduate School of Arts and Sciences, 11 Law residents,
and one resident from the Schools of Ancient and Modern Languages.
by Michael Spitzer ’04
This past Tuesday, the Virginia Alcoholic Beverage Control Board
held a hearing to determine the future status of the annual Foxfield
races. At the meeting, the Board decided to suspend Foxfield’s Sporting
Event for 15 months. The races can continue as planned if Foxfield
complies with three conditions: First, one uniformed security officer is
required for every 200 tickets sold at the event. Second, all violations of
public intoxication must be addressed by Foxfield’s private security
force, and Foxfield must pay $8,000 to the Virginia ABC for the cost of
the investigation. Organizers of the Foxfield races set for Apr. 26 believe
that the timing of the Virginia ABC’s decision is designed to deter ticket
sales.
The Virginia ABC accused Foxfield of allowing noisy and disorderly
conduct in addition to allowing persons believed to be intoxicated to
loiter on the premises. One of the main pieces of evidence in the hearing
was a videotape taken by Virginia ABC agents showing intoxicated
individuals on the grounds of Foxfield.
According to the organizers of the Foxfield races, the majority of
attendees act responsibly with alcohol. However, in order further to
encourage people to act responsibly, Foxfield will be having programs
designed to encourage safe drinking and transportation to and from the
event. “As a result of this settlement, Foxfield is saved. The races will go
on next week and there will be a race held next fall — unless the
undergrads ruin it for us,” said second-year Wyeth Ruthven, who has
campaigned to “save Foxfields.”
SBA Notebook: I Have Been Sick, How about You?
Natalie Kernisant and Margaret Cantrell are goddesses.
What they pulled off last week
during Admitted Students
Weekend was nothing short of
miraculous. They deserve all the
credit in the world.
Sarah Baker, a
second-year law
student, is SBA
president.
What many of you don’t know is
that Rebecca Peters used to handle
much of Admitted Students Weekend. What many of you might know
is that Rebecca Peters is no longer
here. This meant that an extraordinary burden fell on Margaret
and Natalie and they handled it
beautifully. So thank you from the
bottom of my heart — and from
the bottom of the Law School’s
heart too. Your efforts did not go
unnoticed.
Other than that, I am not sure
what else happened in the Law
School last week as I was a touch
under the weather. I was diagnosed by a friend of a friend last
night as having been struck by the
Norwalk Virus. For those of you
who are unfamiliar with the
Norwalk Virus, it is the virus that
was causing many cruise-going
folks to get sick last fall. They’d
get on board, set sail, grab a $12
piña colada, set out for the shuffleboard deck to whale-watch and
then, bam! They would get very
very ill. I, however, was lucky
enough to get it not from recirculated cruise-ship air, but recirculated Law School air — and I didn’t
even have to travel to any tropical
locations to get it. I say, if you are
going to get sick, best have it be
convenient. So last Tuesday night,
in the midst of a dazzling trial ad
performance, I lurched out of my
seat, ran to the bathroom, and
spent much of the next 12 hours
throwing up, both here at the Law
School and then in the comfort of
the U.Va. Medical Center.
It was a fun-filled night. I found
it very exciting to sit in the waiting room and puke into the mustard-yellow plastic container provided for me by the fine folks at
the Hospital. But as night turned
to morn, I tired of the waiting
room audience and yearned for
new people to watch me vomit —
people who could make it stop,
medical professionals — people
like doctors or nurses. After my
insistent complaining and moaning left me still waiting in the
room named for said activity, the
nice friend who accompanied me
came up with a little plan. He
wheeled me over to the registration desk where I proceeded to
rest my head while I continued to
throw up into my mustard yellow
plastic bin. It sped things up quite
a bit. I was suddenly number one
on the list of people to get a bed.
Never mind the pregnant ladies
and the people having strokes. As
long as they weren’t doing it on
the registration desk, the Hospital was going to take me first.
So, needless to say, I don’t really know what went on here at
the Law School last week. My
plan, though, is to continue to be
ignorant so that I can actually
start studying for exams. Seems
that in my quest to get parking
for 40 more people, to clean the
fridge — perhaps the origin of
the Norwalk Virus — and [stop
reading, squirmy boys] to get disposal bins in the Scott Commons
women’s bathroom stalls, I have
forgotten that I am a law student. So, my plan is to remain
somewhat in the dark about the
goings-on of the Law School so
that I can concentrate on school
for the next four weeks. If you
need to talk to me, shoot me an email and we can set up a time to
meet. And as much as I know
that I am here to serve you, I
offer a request: think about what
you are asking before you ask it.
Think: is Sarah the right person
to come to with my question?
Should I e-mail John-David? Or
Erik? Or Adam? Or Dean Bergen?
Or my mom? Should I solve this
problem myself since I am an
adult? Okay, so I am a little
harsh. Realize that I still haven’t
eaten solid food since Tuesday. I
am hungry and a touch cranky.
And, really, truly, if you need
something, let me know. I will be
happy to set up a time to meet. I
don’t mean to scare you. Should I
not hear from you, good luck on
finals and have a fantastic summer.
Not that you or the
majority of this nation necessarily care,
but the Men’s Lacrosse ACC Semifinals will occur at 6
p.m. and 8:30 p.m. at
Klöchner Stadium. If
you like living in
Charlottesville and
wear a dirty white
baseball cap with a
curved brim, you’ll
feel right at home.
Saturday
Sunday
If you are up for a
physical challenge,
head on over to the
20th Annual U.Va.
Share 5K fun run to
benefit
summer
camps for children
with medical conditions. Sign-up will
occur at 9 a.m. in the
Newcomb Hall Plaza.
Registration is $15.
Try not to wheeze too
loudly.
For a good workout, try going swimming. The AFC has
the Olympic-sized
pool open for lap
swimming between
11:30 a.m. and 8 p.m.
Before you start paddling away though,
we have a bit of advice: Get rid of that
shrunken pair of
Speedos you insist
on wearing.
Monday
In
case
you
haven’t noticed, it’s
hard to find anything to do in this
alcoholic cesspool of
a town. If you haven’t
seen Harry Potter
and the Chamber of
Secrets or Two Weeks
Notice, both are playing this week at the
Jefferson Theater.
Harry Potter starts
at 6:40 and 9:35, and
Two Weeks Notice is
playing at 7 and 9:10.
3
Faculty Quotes
A. Malani: “See, what I’m
trying to do here is pit you guys
against each other. So when you
get called on because your whole
section is not here, you’ll get
mad. Hopefully, then you’ll beat
the crap out of the guy who
skipped.”
G. Robinson: “It’s amazing
how much opportunity there is
for serendipitous shopping on
one [eBay] webpage. I’m looking for cars, but I see, oh my god,
they’ve got dolls and bears!”
A.Malani: “I encourage you
all to attend this conference on
Saturday morning at 9 a.m. I’d
be there, but I have a previous
commitment... to sleep.”
V. Blasi: “I read my fair share
of Playboys, and didn’t spend
that much time on the articles,
I admit.”
G. Slynn: “It doesn’t look
anything like you. You’re much
better looking in your photograph.”
G. Rutherglen: “Mr.
Shapley?”
S. Shapley ’03: “Umm, pass.”
G. Rutherglen: “Yes, pass...
one hopes, one hopes...”
G. Lilly [on Skinner v. Oklahoma]: “This case gives new
meaning to the term ‘three
strikes and you’re out.’ If the
person has committed three felonies of a certain nature, he gets
sterilized.”
T. Wu: “I started to like the
IRS better than TurboTax. Now
I feel that my oppressor is
TurboTax.”
A. Malani: “My job is to make
you understand these terms, not
just to use them to impress you.”
R. Brooks: “Remember how
crayons had that flesh color? It
was like the color of a Caucasian corpse.”
J. N. Moore [after dimming
lights for his PowerPoint]: “It’s
dark enough to eat popcorn now,
so you can have a really good
time.”
T. Wu: “What does England
export? Master’s degrees? Everyone seems to have an English master’s degree.”
E. Dudley: “If you don’t give
me an answer, I’m going to take
you down.”
This Week in Hooville
Friday
Student Life
”
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
We’re in the midst
of spring, and that
means it’s time to
turn your attention
from basketball to
other sports. U.Va.
Baseball takes on
George Mason at 7
p.m. at the University Baseball Field.
Take a break from
studying and support
the Hoos!
Check out the
wine and cheese reception for the SBA
Art Show at 6 p.m. in
the Klaus Room on
the second floor of the
library. Nothing
beats outlining after
a few glasses of wine!
You not only read
slower, but you read
multiple times. It’s
the best way to get to
know the material.
Honest.
Do you like running? Do you tell
people you like running to convince
them and others
that you actually
exercise? Drive to
Philly and see the
Penn Relays! The
U.Va. track team
will be participating. Real runners
need love too.
4
Features
Virginia Law Weekly
Friday, April 18, 2003
Fore and Score: U.Va’s Hidden Gardens We’re Not in New York
Anymore, Toto
species and there are even free ford University given to Jefferson
by Adam Greene ’05
As a Double Hoo, I have experi- tours of the Gardens during His- back in the day. Garden IV has a
enced much of what the Univer- toric Virginia Gardens Week in tree that is perfectly fitted as a
sity has to offer. For example, I April.
seat and is great to study in or sing
have streaked the
in on a nice spring day. GarLawn, eaten at
den VII is part of the ColonLittlejohn’s at 3
nade Club and is expansive
a.m., and taken a
and gorgeously geometric. Garclass from our residen III, Dean Harmon’s own,
dent political guru
features part of an old sandLarry
Sabato.
stone capital from the Rotunda
True, some law stu— which, for those who don’t
dents have surely
know, burned on Oct. 27, 1895.
also had the joy of
Finally, Garden V has the most
frolicking naked on
unusual western wall among
the verdant pasthe 10.
tures of nearby
Something further you may
Central Grounds,
not have known is that you —
and I am sure most
yes, you, as a U.Va. student —
of us have wanhave the ability to reserve the
dered into our sogardens for functions at no cost.
called “New York
courtesy virginia.edu You can have receptions there
Delicatessen” in
or just casually have a picnic.
Miracle-Gro Worked for this Place!
the wee hours of
The Gardens also make a
Besides all the eye-pleasing great Frisbee-golf course. There is
the morning — but I doubt that a
substantial number of law stu- beauty the Gardens have to offer, a historical layout course and a
dents have found their way into there is more to be had in our little new-age course as well. Both feamy favorite part of the University: hideaways than actually meets the ture plenty of challenging holes
eye. For starters, each Garden is with steep drops, impeding arbor,
the Gardens.
The Gardens of the Academical unique. Each of the 10 has its own and outhouse hazards.
Village, just off the Lawn, offer distinct style, foliage, and layout.
Lastly, besides yelling “fore”
much to be explored.
during a Frisbee-golf
For starters there are,
game, one could be so
of course, flowers and
lucky to score in a Gartrees, but that is obviden. Yes, that’s right,
ous. What you may not
score. What could be
notice is the exquisite
more like getting back
architectural landto nature and the Garscaping that we owe in
den of Eden than scorpart to Jefferson — not
ing in a Garden?
to mention the small
Not that I have been
army
of
so lucky, but I imagine
groundskeepers we
the experience is quite
employ.
exotic and possibly
You may not realize
heavenly. If you are so
that the Gardens’ serinclined, I would
pentine walls exhibit
highly recommend
courtesy virginia.edu
both form and function.
Garden X for its reU.Va’s Secret Gardens Are Ideal for Lovers.
They are aesthetically
moteness, high walls,
pleasing, yet their design also Garden VI, for example, has the and apparent privacy — it makes
helps nurture young plants. There oldest object at the University — a the perfect patch of grass to get
are hundreds of different plant spire from Merton College at Ox- some ass.
Teaching Evaluations Open Faculty to
Students’ Righteous Anger
by Alison Haddock ’05
It’s almost that time again. You
have probably been practicing witty
metaphors and literary allusions in
a preemptive attempt to best capture what you did and did not like
about the format of your corporations class, the material covered in
evidence, or the haphazard style of
your professor in trial advocacy. But
have you ever wondered what exactly happens to those class evaluation forms once they are turned in?
And have you ever had an occasion
to wish that you had been afforded
the opportunity to offer feedback at
some time before the end of the
semester?
Dean John Jeffries noted the particular ways in which course evaluations feed into the U.Va. system.
He explained, “Course evaluations
have three distinct audiences. The
first is students. As you know, most
classes are elective. Students deserve the best information we can
provide about how their colleagues
evaluated particular courses and
professors. Course evaluation results are therefore freely available
to students so that they can make
informed decisions about the courses
they choose to take.
“The second audience is the individual professor. Each professor
receives his or her course evaluations. It’s probably impossible to
say categorically how much professors care around course evaluations,
but it’s my impression that most
professors do care, a great deal,
about what students think.
“The third audience is, for want
of a better term, the Law School
administration. Right now, that
means Paul Mahoney and me, both
of whom receive statistical summaries of the teaching evaluations of
all courses and all professors. We
use them as a way of identifying
problems that can be addressed,
but we also use them to award and
applaud outstanding performance.”
Dean Jeffries also notes that teaching evaluations have the potential
to be an important part of the
administration’s decisions in the
tenure process. “[T]enure forces institutions to make very serious decisions about continued employment, and in those decisions teaching is taken fully into account.” In
hiring decisions, Jeffries admits that
“unacceptable teaching — which
usually involves a high degree of
unconcern — is disqualifying, but
even very good teaching would not,
by itself, carry the case for permanent hire.”
Some teachers proactively solicit
mid-term evaluations from students
in an attempt to improve their teaching styles or course content before
the semester’s end. Professor Elizabeth Magill, for example, passed
about a simple one-page questionnaire to her Constitutional Law and
Administrative Law students in
February. First-year Will Nee remarked on this practice, Professor
“Magill must have had thick skin to
do what she did. After the mid-term
evaluations came back, she changed
the tenor of her teaching style from
extended cold-call dialogues that
could often break the flow of the
class to a more lecture-oriented approach that at the very least kept
people typing for more of the class.
The mid-term evaluation greatly
improved the class, but you have to
wonder if other Law School professors would be able to respond to
constructive criticism as well.”
First-year Grant Wiens expressed a slightly more skeptical
outlook. “I think the students do
appreciate the mid-semester evalu-
ation process. It presents an opportunity for professors to improve upon
their lectures and discussion, ideally tailoring the class a bit better to
the needs of the specific students.
However, different professors react
differently to the evaluations and
some merely provide lip service to
any requested changes. It seems to
be a very hit-or-miss process.”
Of course, the most direct way
for a student to offer feedback is to
posit suggestions to the professor
himself or herself. Although this
may seem a daunting task, Dean
Mahoney suggests, “The principal
advice I would give students who
feel that the instructor could convey
the material more effectively is to
first have a conversation with the
instructor. If the student has a concrete suggestion — ‘You’re going a
little too fast for me to follow,’ or
‘There’s a lot of detail in this class;
would you mind writing the most
important points on the board?’ —
we’d prefer to hear it early rather
than in the course evaluations. Obviously, different students prefer
different instructional styles, so no
professor can satisfy everyone all
the time. But I think our faculty try
very hard to teach effectively and
are willing to listen.”
Too often it is easier to complain
and gripe to classmates about a
professor’s ineffective style or a
course’s awkward organization. By
voicing your concerns in whatever
mechanisms are available and appropriate, however, you can both
better your own classroom experience and enhance the learning of
others. So combat the beer-and-softball image — spend quality time
this semester on your evaluations.
But maybe you should save the
metaphors and allusions for your
novel-in-progress.
guess everyone can’t be happy all
by Rob Boller ’05
Before enrolling at U.Va. Law, of the time. I can’t complain. I’m
I had never spent any significant from New York, where unhappitime in the South. Never came ness has been elevated to an art
down to visit friends at college. I form.
But there are certain things
had never made it to Graceland. I
had never even gone as far as D.C. about the South that drive me
on a school trip. Aside from a fam- nuts. What is the strange obsesily vacation to Disneyworld when sion with the bowtie? And guys in
I was 10, the only time I had spent pink and plaid pants? Most of my
around Southerners had been dur- other complaints have been mening Spring Break and the tioned ad nauseum. No one knows
Preakness Stakes. Surely, I what to do when it snows. The
thought to myself, the South can’t relaxed pace down here means that
be populated exclusively by driving anywhere is frustrating.
Christine Meiers, a first-year
shirtless lunatics.
So when I applied to law schools from Connecticut, explains, “my
almost exclusively in the South, biggest pet peeve is that people
my friends and family in New York here drive too slowly… [and they]
take
so
were very
long
to
confused.
make
a
“So why
normal
would you
r i g h t want to go
h a n d
live with a
turn… [I]f
bunch of
we were in
rednecks
C a m for three
bridge,
years?”
p e o p l e
“How are
would hurl
you going
obscenito watch
ties and
the Jets
run into
games?”
courtesy CNN.com their car.”
“Where
Restauare
you
“What? This Doesn’t Look like Queens.”
rant sergonna get
your hair gel?” After assuring my vice takes too long. Since everyfriends and family that I just one is so friendly, I can’t run into
wanted to spend a few years out- the store for a pack of cigarettes
side of New York, I took off for without getting into a fiveminute discussion about the
Dixie.
Driving down I-95 on my way to weather.
Minor criticisms aside, my bigAdmitted Students Weekend last
year, I had no idea what to expect. gest fear about going to school in
And I realized I had some con- the South was having to deal
cerns of my own. Would I stick with instances of racism. I’m not
out? What would they think of my alone. One Northerner, who repreference for black shirts? Where quested that his name not be
given,
commented
that
was I going to get my hair gel?
Thankfully, my weekend in “Charlottesville is a pretty diCharlottesville went well, and af- verse town, but outside of the
ter eight months here, I feel confi- University, it’s pretty well segdent in my ability to make blanket regated. The professional class
statements about the entire com- here seems to be pretty exclumunity. Julie Jordan pointed out sively white.”
The attack on Daisy Lundy
in her column last week that, as
far as many Southerners are con- seemed to confirm those fears,
cerned, Charlottesville does not but the response of the Univerqualify as the South. I would like sity, and the Law School commuto reply by saying that, as far as nity particularly, showed me that
many Northerners are concerned, while perhaps not completely unyes it does. The South is the South founded, my assumptions about
is the South. Once you’re in Waffle Southern racial attitudes may
House/Arby’s/Chik-Fil-A Country, have been overstated. After all,
you have officially hopped the line. New York has had more than its
I like it here. Don’t get me share of racial incidents in rewrong. It’s quiet at night. They cent years too. Aside from the
claim the winters are generally nagging problem of too many conmild. We’ve had some gorgeous servatives, Charlottesville is like
days this spring. And while not as many Northern suburbs — with
chirpy as I expected, Southerners floppier hair.
So I guess Julie was right. The
on the whole seem pleasant. Columbia Warren, a first-year from South isn’t as red as I thought it
Vermont, commented that “before was. At least not this part. And
coming here I thought Southern- this is as far South as I’m willing
ers were pathologically nice...”. I to go for now. Baby steps, kids.
Baby steps.
Virginia Law Weekly
Friday, April 18, 2003
Columns & Features
5
I Hurt Myself Today to See if I Still Feel
The first time I heard Johnny
Cash’s acoustic rendition of Nine
Inch Nails’ “Hurt,” I nearly threw
up in my own mouth, I thought it
was so good. The second time I
heard it, I had an existential crisis
that lasted the whole of the weekend. Fortunately, the third time I
heard the tune I kind of just
thought Cash sounded old and
tired and just got over it.
Tom O’Grady,
a second-year law
student, is
Associate Columns
Editor
I say fortunately because I was
about one step away from painting my fingernails black and
scrawling a large NIN in whiteout on my binder. I also say fortunately because I was just about
determined to let my existential
demons loose on these pages with
an exploration into my own selfloathing. I was all set to poke and
pry into the pain that drives me to
make people like me. To come to
terms with the facts that the pain
can only leave me hollow inside,
and that even when I do achieve
some measure of success, some
level of normalcy, the people who
love me will be too normal to realize that they have become involved
with an unfeeling, uncaring cyborg. If I could do it all again,
would I keep myself? Would I find
a way?
Yeah, I shouldn’t listen to that
song anymore. Thankfully, I’ve
decided not to go the existential
route. In fact I’ve decided to abandon any pretense of writing a column and to finish my year in style
with the old reliable ramblings
article. Who needs inner demons
when I have Tina Yothers and
Pedro Cerrano on my mind? Oh
and by the way, I’m just kidding, I
really don’t hate myself. And really, I’m not just an unfeeling and
uncaring cyborg. I swear. (Nervous laughter.) I was just playing
with all that…uhmmm yeah.
Most important thing I learned
from the Who’s the Boss episode
where Tony bought Samantha her
first training bra: Tony Danza
purchasing women’s underwear =
comedy.
Things I want to see that I know
will never happen: Eminem rapbattling David Silver at the Peach
Pit in a very special 90210.
Things I want to see that I know
certainly will happen: Trishell
from Real World Las Vegas hooking up with Eric Neis, Nate from
Real World Seattle, and Johnny
Mosely himself, on the next Real
World/Road Rules Challenge.
One of the top four proudest
moments of my life: learning how
to play Led Zeppelin’s “Over the
Hills and Far Away” on guitar in
the eighth grade. Not among my
top four proudest moments: purchasing the accompanying Robert
Plant codpiece that came with the
sheet music. Robert Plant wore a
codpiece? Well no, but he should
have… he should have.
Is Balki Bartokomous’ “Don’t
be rah-dick-hulous” still a valid
reference? Can I continue to work
that into conversations? In other
TGIF-related queries, is it normal
to still be haunted by Coach
Lubbock’s belly-shaking dance
from the opening credits of Just
the Ten of Us. Ahhh never mind.
Sample question on application
quiz I send out to prospective
friends:
Milano: Fear
A) Dushku: Bring It On; B)
Doherty: 90210; C) Gellar: Cruel
Intentions; D) Matheny: Survivor
2-Australian Outback; E) All of the
Above.
You know you are watching a
lame movie when somebody parks
his car in front of an airport terminal and comes sprinting out of it as
an inept policeman screams “Hey,
you can’t park here!”
I just wish somebody would have
told Blossom that an ugly girl in
ugly clothes is still ugly. Yeah!
Wicked burn of Blossom, dude!
It always creeps me out to see my
professors in street clothes when
they administer my final exam.
They’re like “It’s cool, baby. I don’t
always wear suits. I’m hip. I wear
jeans. I tuck my shirt in with no
belt, whatever.”
I like how my friends from high
school do an impression of me doing
an impression of Dana Carvey doing an impression of John Travolta.
“It’s like so weird!” God I am great
at doing that.
Is it weird that I own four fulllength Living Colour albums and
one Living Colour EP?
You never really see a girl just
start jamming out on air guitar, do
you? I’m not saying they can’t do it.
I’m just saying they choose not to.
Being called “the Vance Law of
the NGSL” has really made me reconsider wearing glasses and think
about upgrading to contacts.
When they make the E! True
Hollywood Story of my life, I hope
they leave out that time I dressed
up as a cowboy for the Section L “El
Paso” Dandelion Parade float.
Best porn name ever: Michael J.
Cox. Just invented that; 1-0 me. For
the record, prior to M.J.C. my previous porn name was Dick Logan.
Also for the record I hate the whole
porn name joke thing. “Oh really,
my porn name is the name of my pet
followed by the name of the street I
grew up on? Sweet! Can I now knife
myself to death?”
One of the top nine reasons why
I hate myself is that I have not yet
seen Beverly Hills Ninja.
Least favorite songs always included in 40-minute classic rock
blocks: Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Gimme
Three Steps” and every Eagles song
ever.
I will never admit to watching an
episode of Hey Dude. Not even the
one where Danny must choose between his friends and his Native
American heritage.
Law Students Go Clubbing... Book Clubbing, That Is
by Laura Williams ’05
What sane law student would
voluntarily take on extra reading?
Some sun-deprived 1L gunner? Yes,
but also the members of several
book clubs that are springing up all
over the Law School. Students have
been forming the groups as a way to
escape the intense school environment, and to share a love of reading.
Third-year Sarah Berger is a book
lover who reads every night before
bed. As she already indulged in the
“break from law reading to read
fiction and unwind,” joining a book
club was a natural for her. Others
find that a club compels them to
make time for interests outside of
school. “It is hard to fit in pleasure
reading when we have so much reading to do for class as well. Being in
the book club forces me to read a
little of my novel every day,” says
first-year Christine Meiers.
First-year Brooke Everly is in a
book club with several members of
her section, as well as section
spouses. Her club formed this fall
when “we realized that so many of
us loved to read — we thought that
sharing this passion would be a
great way to spend time together
outside of Law School events.” The
meetings also offer a way for spouses
and students to find common
ground, and to discuss issues beyond the latest gossip. “Participating in a book club allows me to get to
know some of my husband’s classmates in a new way, and to have a
girls’ night out, as well as to stretch
my mind a little bit outside of the
world of blocks, diapers and strollers, which dominate my day,” says
Mary Alice Teti, the wife of one of
Everly’s sectionmates. Everly
stresses that “being well-rounded is
key to a strong understanding of
law and human nature, [and] reading is an excellent way to increase
that.” As Meiers put it, “now I read
court cases, so reading novels is
quite a treat.”
The clubs are loose associations,
meeting about every other week to
allow time for the members to finish
courtesy library.fullerton.edu
the selection. Meetings are held at
members’ houses, and in Berger’s
group they spend “about half the
time talking about the book and
half the time talking about other
things.” Most groups focus exclusively on the fiction, though Meiers
is “going to attempt to turn the book
club into a cooking club as well at
the beginning of next semester.”
The member hosting the meeting
usually picks the book for that session, which allows for a wide array
of literature. In Meiers’ group they
The Public Interest Law Association
Would Like to Congratulate
The 2003 Recipients of
Student-Funded Fellowships.
They appreciate your support!
Second-years
Angela Caldwell
Miriam Cho
Rachel Doughty
Carmen Elliott
Sharon Garner
Jim Hicks
Davis Kim
Corban Klug
Elizabeth Lang
Lawrence Lee
Saejung Lee
Nikki Salunga
Jessica Shapiro
Althea Smiley
Craig Warner
James Whitehead
Kathleen Zvarych
First-years
Katie Bagley
James DiTullio
Mandy Doyle
Sarah Geddes
Debbie Huang
Arthur Koski-Karell
Pat Lavelle
Jamie Lisagor
Tracey Orick
Trent Packer
Karen Pogonowski
Kimberly Porcaro
have recently read Mrs. Dalloway,
by Virginia Woolf, followed by a
novel it inspired, Michael
Cunningham’s The Hours. One of
the members had the idea to read
the novels in that order, so as to see
the intersection of the two pieces
more clearly. Teti noted that “it was
a great suggestion because I never
would have picked up the Virginia
Woolf on my own, and I really got a
lot out of reading the two books
together.”
For the most part, book club enthusiasts do not find that their legal
studies influence their readings.
They enjoy what different members’ viewpoints add to the discussion. As Teti says, “As a wife and a
mother, I bring a different perspective to a discussion…and it [is] neat
to share that, as well as to have my
reading enhanced by the perspectives of the other women in the
group who are single or dating.”
Other book club participants find
that reading a book with the chat in
mind enhances their experience,
“You also just get so much more out
of a book if you have others to discuss it with and provide additional
insights,” says Everly. In fact, most
participants emphasize that the intersection of fellowship and intelligent discussion is what makes their
groups so pleasurable.
While the majority of clubs are
winding down with the approach of
exams, some members are actually
increasing their load of fiction reading. Teti’s brother, who will be a
first-year law student in the fall,
has organized a special group that
she will participate in this summer
reading 29 of Shakespere’s plays.
Unlike her current club, the members of this summer group live in
different cities, “so there is going to
be an online discussion group.” She
is not sure if the “test of endurance”
will be successful but is willing to
give it a try.
6
Columns & Reviews
Virginia Law Weekly
Friday, April 18, 2003
Phidippides, a Jester, and John Deere Come Together
If you had to pick someone out
of the entire Law School student
body who might run a marathon,
whom would you pick? Would you
choose a stocky, slow guy who is
constantly harassed about his lack
of speed around the softball field?
Probably not, but you would be
wrong. U.Va. Law’s own Jeremy
Moffit decided to dedicate his final
semester of law school to training
for the San Diego Marathon. In an
exclusive review for the Law
Weekly, I have joined Jeremy in
his quest.
The Marathon
Man
by T.K. Wingfield
The beginning: Some may ask
what prompted Jeremy (AKA:
Chet the Jet or Chester the Jester)
to take on this mighty endeavor.
Well, after a night of a bit too
much booze, he and T.K. Wingfield
made an agreement that they
would run the San Diego Rock n’
Roll Marathon. Fortunately, or
perhaps unfortunately, both the
individuals involved in the agreement are stubborn and not about
to use the excuse that it was just a
lot of loose, drunk talk. See, Hastily planned trip by Moffit and T.K.
to Atlantic City after night at St.
The Running Group: Chester
Maarten’s. Training began the marathon, Moffit enlisted the advice of an expert. Enter Amy knew he would be unable to get
next week.
Moffit’s Running Style: When Garvey. Garvo was more than up to 15 miles a week by himself,
so he brought together an elite
Chet the Jet and his running
group of runners. Jeremy’s
partner began training, it was
core group of running partobvious that some things would
ners consisted of T.K., Amy
have to change. First, Chester
Garvey, and Melissa Rickard.
thought he could train for the
Along the way, Moffit almarathon indoors on the treadlowed guest runners to join
mill because, in his words, “It’s
him. Some of the guest runtoo cold outside to run.” T.K.
ners included Matt “I’ve run
quickly shot down this idea,
three marathons and never
and after calling the Jet’s mantrained for them” Atlas,
hood into question, convinced
Warrenton’s Finest, Melissa
the Jester that training had to
Lloyd, and Nick “I’m the best
be done by pounding the paveblock-shedder in the Law
ment.
School” Madden. Of the guest
Second, Chet the Jet needed
runners, Nick was the most
to revamp his entire running
surprising. Although he is a
style. After the first couple of
big man, he can truck down
runs, T.K. noticed that Chet
the street like an 18-wheeler.
ran like Carsten Reichel wrote
Run Like a Deere: Moffit
— clunkily and slow-wittedly.
and his running partner
Chet ran on his toes the entire
adopted John Deere as their
time. After the concept of heelunofficial sponsor. You may
to-toe running was explained
have seen hats around the
to him, Chester was still a little
Law School, or occasionally
suspect. He decided to get a
running by the Corner. The
second opinion on this “alternative” running style. Once
photo courtesy time-to-run.com hats have garnered more attention than the runners. For
Melissa Rickard and Amy
Pounding 26.2 Miles of Pavement
some reason, people love John
Garvey stopped laughing at
him, they told Chester that no one happy to help, and she set up Deere hats.
Moffit’s Diet: Against the wishes
in his right mind would attempt to Chester with a program. Reading
run an entire marathon on his the program carefully, Chet the of everybody involved in training
Jet realized that the program Chester for the marathon, Chet
toes.
The Training Program: Having called for the runner to be running decided to go on the “Hershel
Walker Diet” for the month of April.
no idea about how to train for a 15 miles a week by Feb. 10.
According to this diet, Moffit only
eats one real meal a day, and the
rest of the day he eats fruit. This
diet provides him with absolutely
no fuel, so at the end of the run he is
like a “Fratters On” column — he
falls completely flat. Although T.K.
and Coach Garvo have told him
repeatedly that his diet is idiotic,
Moffit insists on keeping it up.
Well, as of this writing, Moffit’s
longest run has been 16 miles. This
is a big accomplishment considering where he started. In this
reviewer’s eyes, Chester the Jester
should be victorious in his goal to
complete the San Diego Marathon.
So, on June 1, take a moment to stop
and think about Moffit. He’ll be
pounding the pavement in San Diego.
This is my final “review” for the
Virginia Law Weekly. Thanks for
reading my columns, which were
never really reviews but more like
slices of life at U.Va. Law. Here are
some topics that I wish I could have
reviewed, but never got the chance:
League Bowling: Naked Scooters Rule, The c-LOSERS suck.
The Kearney Cup: Can Scoot ever
win a game?
Vegas Baby: Where T.K. loses
his tax refund.
Sir Charles Basset Moore:
Hootsma thinks that guy’s great.
West Virginia: The Hawk comes
to roost.
U.Va. Law Students Take Moot Court to International Stage
young attorneys interested in international commercial law, it is
the Who’s Who event of the practice. Not only is the competition
sponsored by every well-known
arbitration organization —including the AAA, the ICC, the DIS,
and the London Court of Arbitration — but because it takes place
next door to both the United Nations Commission on International
Trade and the International Arbitral Centre, some of the world’s
most esteemed international law
commentators and arbitrators rub
shoulders with the teams that compete.
In this year’s problem, two hypothetical companies entered into
a contract for the sale of plastic
film. A second transaction between
the companies resulted in the dispute once a disagreement as to the
price of the shipment arose. The
resulting issues included challenges to the tribunal’s jurisdiction, disqualification of arbitrators, questions as to the applicable law, and questions as to the
interpretation of the contract. To
prepare for the competition, U.Va.
team members had to acquaint
themselves with not only the CISG,
but also with the contractual regimes of other countries and the
procedural issues arising out of
the rules of private arbitration
organizations.
Though all six of the team mem-
bers hoped to attend the competition, the combination of the timing of the competition two weeks
before finals and the advent of
budget cuts permitted U.Va. to
send only two representatives:
Scott Nilsen and Hiren Patel. The
size of U.Va.’s team is a severe
handicap when confronting the
other schools, most of which give
full funding to eight- and ten-person teams.
“Last year the Vis team spent
over 60% of its time fundraising
and was able to send three people
to the competition,” Brugger said.
“Though they were at a big disadvantage compared to most American law schools — which sent six
to eight people to Austria — they
ended up being one of the highestranking American teams in the
competition. This year, we had to
reduce our number to two, which
creates an even greater challenge,
but we have every confidence in
our teammates.”
As of the writing of this article,
Nilsen and Patel had advanced to
the next round of the competition
after winning their first elimination round (as respondent) against
Frankfurt and losing their second
elimination round (as claimant)
against Cologne. Based on those
performances, Nilsen and Patel
estimate that they are probably
the fourth or fifth seed going into
the next round.
A Brian Green Cartoon
“Through the first two elimination rounds, 17 respondents won,
while only seven claimants won,”
Patel said. “This is partly due to
some difficulties in claimants’ substantive case. But in the overall
competition, at this point our finish means we’re tied for ninth place
out of the 128 schools competing
this year.”
The Vis team members wish to
thank their sponsor, Professor
Walt, for providing help and insight in drafting briefs, and Professor Kraus for his consultation.
The team also wishes to thank
Professor Moore for assisting with
last-minute funding.
The Alumni Association Welcomes
the Class of 2003 Officers:
Erica Paulson, President
Lise Adams, Vice-President
Rees Morgan, Secretary/Treasurer
and Class Agents:
John Blair
Monique Moore
Elaina Blanks
Valerie Nannery
Kate Brennan
Hiren Patel
Dalton Courson
Courtenay Seabring
Amanda England
Ryan Shores
Chris Farrell
Laura Soong
Andrea Hamilton
Janet Stocco
Nessa Horewitch
Karen Stringer
Carlos Kuri
Kelly Vásquez
Aaron Longo
Gina Vetere
Melissa Meana
Will Webb
Sharon Yuan
CROSSWORD
SOLUTION
by David Zetoony ’03
One of countless pieces of advice given by Professor Kraus to
his Contracts class two years ago
was this: “change your conception
of the practice of international
law.” Kraus characterized law students’ stereotype of the international lawyer as a suave, welldressed, young Sean Connery sipping martinis in a trendy Paris
hotel. According to Kraus, the reality of “international law” means
being jet-lagged, over-worked, and
locked away in a windowless office
of a Paris high-rise doing American law.
Unwilling to give up the dream
of international intrigue, six U.Va.
students (Kristiana Brugger, Scott
Nilsen, Tracey Orick, Hiren Patel,
Tenaya Scheinman, and David
Zetoony) sought to prove Professor Kraus wrong. They decided to
brave the world of international
law by participating in the William C. Vis International Commercial Arbitration Moot Court. The
competition, which is held in
Vienna, Austria from Apr. 10 to
Apr. 17, involves a hypothetical
dispute under the Convention on
Contracts for the International
Sale of Goods (CISG). Over 120
law schools from across the globe
compete in the moot, making it
the largest and most prestigious
private international law competition in the world. Indeed, for
Virginia Law Weekly
Friday, April 18, 2003
Reviews
7
Kind Reader, Please Remain A Man Apart From This Flop
I think I remember hearing that
Vin Diesel had no formal training
before he began his film career.
Judging by the quality of Diesel’s
latest film, A Man Apart, neither
did any of the other actors. Or the
director. You get the picture.
Better Taste
Than You Have
by Sabrina Hassan
In a nutshell, A Man Apart is a
predictable, underdeveloped, and
poorly-acted action movie whose
forgettable explosions and gratuitous gore try, but fail, to provide
any redeeming entertainment
value. This is really all you need to
know about the flick. But to cement the impression of just how
bad it is — lest you forget by the
time it’s released on video next
month — I’ll elaborate.
The plot is nothing new. Diesel’s
character, Sean, is a DEA hotshot
who undertakes a personal mission to avenge his wife Stacy’s
death. She is killed subsequent to
Sean’s long-awaited capture of the
head of Mexico’s leading drug cartel. Instead of realizing when most
of the audience does who is behind
Stacy’s death, Sean goes on a wild
goose chase for the killer, flexing
his muscles and killing some
people, while the real mastermind
gets away. Then, for the surprise
ending, he (gasp) catches the bad
guy.
The only good thing about a
movie this bad is the fun of ridiculing it, and I’ll try my best to
get my money’s worth now. The
challenge is deciding what is
worst about this disaster. The
actors’ performances are definitely in the running. Diesel’s
showing in particular merits comment. His slow-paced, monotonous narration of the opening
scene is not a warm-up to what he
can really do but rather a showcase of Diesel’s best acting talents. In fact, the whole movie
would probably be better if it
ended just after his voice-over.
The flat, stereotypical characters are also laughable. Even without knowing a thing about the
movie, the average viewer would
figure out during the first scene in
which Stacy appears that she is
destined to perish. She is the perfect adoring wife, at home in the
kitchen wearing her hero-
courtesy moviehole.net
“What’s My Motivation Again?”
husband’s football jersey. She
pauses in her dishwashing to welcome him home with open arms
from his hard-won battle against
the drug lords. The other two
scenes in which she appears alive
are equally sappy. They necessarily involve her gushing over Sean
with lingering smile and blowing
hair so that he can have something to flash back to later, when
she is dead.
There are a couple of character attributes that the otherwise
trite formula does not explain.
For example, Memo the kingpin
threw me for a loop when Sean
first visited him in jail. While
Sean tries to bully Memo into
spilling his secrets by shouting
repeatedly and with increasing
volume, “Did you kill my wife?”
cold-blooded Memo sits sullenly
on his cot and reads his book like
a teenager getting a lecture about
the detention slips his Mom found
in his backpack. For a second, I
thought Memo might cover his
ears and hum. One of the drug
dealers, Hollywood Jack, also
breaks the mold with his juvenile
charms. Sean confronts Jack in
his Porsche and compliments the
car. Jack, clad from head to suede
Tod’s loafers in sky blue, retorts
with, “I like your truck. I was think-
ing about trading this in for about
seven of them.” Good one, Jack.
Not all of the drug dealers in
the picture are so petulant, though.
Sean’s informant friend, Sexy, actually has quite a big heart, demonstrated in the Full House style
scene when all of the non-Hispanic characters come to Sean’s
aid and assure him that they won’t
fail him in one of his final attempts to make good on his vow.
Sexy is, after all, just a regular
guy. We know this because we saw
him earlier at his crib, yelling at
his drug-dealing colleague for
drinking directly out of the milk
carton.
Despite the enigmatic idiosyncrasies in a few of the characters, A
Man Apart takes full advantage of
all of the stale formulaic maneuvers
you’ve seen in other bad action films.
My favorite is in the final scene,
when Sean throws back a line that
Memo used on him an hour earlier:
“If I wanted you dead, you would
be.” Of course Diesel’s delivery is so
slow that by the end of the sentence
I’d almost forgotten how it began.
God willing, I’ll soon forget the rest
of the movie as well.
My Amigos Got Me Drunk: The Corner Mexican Restaurant
In general, despite the fact
that I sometimes might shave
my chest and cover it with coconut oil, I think I’m a pretty masculine guy. Though I sometimes
gaze with longing in my heart
when a pierced belly button
passes me by, I’m pretty sure it’s
a possessive rather than a jealous type of longing. I wear my
Britney Spears T-shirt not because I dream of being Britney
and lying in a bed of Justin
Timberlake, but because I look
pretty good in pink — it’s slimming.
C’ville Dining
in a Nutshell
by Nick Benjamin
What I’m trying to say here is
that I don’t think you should read
too much into the fact that I drink
more like a debutante than a
lumberjack. I like Smirnoff Ice,
and something called orgasmo
de piña — it’s hard to find, green,
and tart, but worth it all the
same — and I really like
margaritas. Which brings me to
Amigos, a Mexican margarita- day nights, when margaritas are the sizzling fajitas or the large
serving restaurant on the corner $2 and $2.50, respectively, and plate of undifferentiable beany
of 14th and Main which, shock- the sorority girls gather like meat arrives, I’m usually so
ing as it may seem, is the subject blond Southern moths to the drunk as to be totally incapable
lime-tequila light. I don’t know of caring what the food tastes
of this ramble.
There are a lot of good things about you, but I’m happy when like. This is a good thing, because the food
about Amigos.
really isn’t very
The first — not
good.
in order of imporI’ve been to
tance, since I’m
Amigos a numwith Romeo — is
ber of times,
the
name.
and once or
Amigos means
twice I’ve even
friends,
and
been
sober
that’s nice. Evenough to tell
erybody, except
what I’m eatfor the 18 yearing. Those were
old who wouldn’t
not such happy
let me into Sigma
times.
The
Chi on Saturday
Amigos staff,
night, should
which is very
have friends.
graphic by Sam Young
f r i e n d l y ,
Friends are like
Mental Clarity Comes When You Least Expect It.
though a bit
the rubber on
tires — they make the road of life I’m in a room filled with attrac- hard of English, likes to start
smooth and keep you from get- tive, soon-to-be-drunk girls. So you out with a basket of tortilla
ting all scraped up by the fric- happy, in fact, that I’m willing to chips and a saucer of salsa. The
overlook long waits and medio- chips are warm, and the salsa is
tion.
piquant, and they both make for
Friction reminds me of the sec- cre food.
Which brings me to the third a nice contrast with the sweet,
ond thing that I like about
Amigos. Though there are cer- positive thing about Amigos. tangy margaritas. So far, so good.
tainly exceptions, the clientele They serve the margaritas really I’ve only ordered two of the hunat Amigos is pretty hot. Espe- fast and the food really slowly, dreds — if not thousands — of
cially on Wednesday and Satur- which means that by the time entrees on the Amigos menu,
most of which are some variation
on the usual chimichanga-enchilada-taco theme, and neither one
was very good. But let’s not waste
time on unimportant details —
who really cares about the food
anyway? It’s Mexican. Let’s leave
it at that and get back to the more
important things.
Booze and chicks. That’s why I
go to Amigos, and it’s why you
should, too. There’s really no combination like it, not even ham and
cheese, or monkeys and monkeys
— sorry, Alex, for bringing you
into this, you hairy monkey man.
Now, I realize that I’ve probably lost the female audience
again, but what can I do? Oh
Law-School women, why can’t we
relate? I try to see the world
through your eyes, to share your
hopes and dreams, to walk in the
shoes of female lawyerness, but
there are some walls I cannot
penetrate, some bridges I cannot
cross. But don’t worry, I won’t
give up hope. Maybe some day,
after a few margaritas and perhaps a tequila shot ($2.75) or
two, we can be amigo and amiga,
united by the blissful bonds of
inebriation, which, after all, taste
a lot like love.
Stomp His Head GOOD! A Scholarly Perspective on the WWE
Ever since the ancient Greeks
were not yet ancient, mankind
has been fascinated by wrestling.
Wrasslin’ Review
by Brent Olson
Who can forget classic bouts
such as the mighty yet illegitimate Hercules against the likewise illegitimate Antaeus, or
Achilles against that one guy in
the Iliad — or if not Achilles,
then someone else. Anyway, the
important thing is that men enjoy watching other men beat each
other up. They also enjoy watching women beat each other up,
but I’ll get to that later.
And so it came to pass that on
Sunday I attended the World
Wrestling
Entertainment
(“WWE”) live event at U-Hall.
WWE used to be known as the
WWF, but the World Wildlife
Fund won a trademark dispute
over the WWF acronym last year,
leading to “rebranding” on the
part of the losing wrestling federation.
Normally I wouldn’t even have
known a WWE event was taking
place or spent money to attend,
but a 1L whom I’ll call “Tim
Clinton” invited 1L “Stephen
Strosnider,” myself, and his “pastor” to go. It seems that “Tim’s”
good
friend
Christopher
Nowinski, who was on the
Harvard “football team” with
“Tim,” is now a rising star in the
WWE and provided “Tim” with
several complementary tickets to
the show to come see him perform.
But wrestling isn’t just about
wrestling. It’s about guys with
huge orange block letters on their
chests. It’s about guys with shirts
that say, “I beat anorexia,” and
who shout “Stomp his head in!”
And it’s about the women and
children, some of whom looked to
be about three years old, who
attend such spectacles with the
aforementioned men.
The first bout was between
Goldust and Steven Richards, the
latter of whom was accused by
the former of wearing “pink panties,” an accusation that rang hollow coming from a guy wearing a
platinum blonde wig and more
makeup than the entire state of
Montana. Goldust finally felled
Richards
in
an
almost
Shakespearian manner —
Richard’s manager, Victoria, accidentally rammed her head into
Richard’s… loins, knocking him
cold.
Then came the match we were
waiting to see, “Tim’s” Harvard
chum Nowinski against Spike
Dudley. Before starting the
match, Nowinski explained that
while he hadn’t really liked Virginia in the past, now he did — in
fact, to show his love for the state,
he put on a Hokies shirt, which
the crowd failed to appreciate.
It didn’t help matters that his
opponent was the 150-pound
Spike Dudley, a likeable underdog if there ever was one. To
show their dislike of Nowinski,
the crowd began chanting
“Harvard sucks,” which so irritated “Tim” that he leapt to his
feet and repeatedly proclaimed
“Harvard rocks” with a steely
gaze that indicated he was willing to back up his words with a
pair of ivy-covered fists. Fortunately, no one took him up on the
offer and Nowinski managed to
beat his opponent through a
healthy dose of Vitamin C —
cheating.
But the evening had more to it
than cheating Harvard graduates. It had a three-way match
for the tag team championship
place, featuring Kane and Rob
Van Dam defending their title
against the Dudley Boyz and
Lance Storm and Chief Morley.
Kane, a rather quiet fellow with
an ominous black-and-red mask,
used his trademark “Chokeslam”
to lead his team to victory after
overcoming adversity — the other
two teams kicking him on the
knee for pain infliction purposes.
Sore losers Storm and Morley
took their overwrought aggression out on the Dudley Boyz before the Boys put Storm through
a table; the Dudley Boyz apparently have made a career out of
putting people through tables.
And who could forget localboy Maven teaming up with Hurricane to beat 3-Minute Warning
by … er … um … come to think of
it, I don’t remember how they
beat 3-Minute Warning, just that
they did.
Other wrestlers gracing the
ring on Sunday included Ric “the
Nature Boy” Flair, Booker T, and
Chris Jericho, all of whom participated in the “introduction”
match where the issue at question seemed to be who had the
loudest and longest theme song.
Though a good time was had
by all, one poor fan had his free
speech rights infringed when his
sign proclaiming “Wrestling Sucks”
was confiscated — on Thomas
Jefferson’s birthday, no less! Do I
smell a muzzle award for 2003?
8
Law School Life
NGSL’S
Virginia Law Weekly
VANGUARD
Friday, April 18, 2003
Attracting a Different Kind of Student
OF DEMOCRACY
Ah, to have your initials included osterone matched only by the colin the VANGUARD OF DEMOCRACY and lective manhood of the 3L males
all that it represents as the voice who made a pilgrimage Friday to
and conscience of Southern social- the strip bar of Martinsburg, W.V.
ites — it is flattering. Time is tick- Indeed, the full nudity of Appalaing down, too, as in next week’s chia forged the unexpected union of
issue we reveal ourselves and take macho 3Ls J.M., N.M., T.T., Pork
time to reminisce. This could be Chop, C.R., V.R., and the Hawk. VG
your last chance, so, instead of our learned that Kennedy tried to stow
usual unanswered plea for gossip, away in the way back of their rented
VG this week urges the following: if Ford Windstar, but responsible J.M.
your initials, or some friend’s ini- growled: “Hey, Tony — seven
tials, haven’t appeared in VG this seatbelts, seven passengers,” and
year, and you’d like them to, please dragged the man out by his heels in
send along any story about you or D-3. Rumor has it that Kennedy,
this friend that you think is worthy thus scorned, shuffled back to the
of mention on this hallowed, hal- school, grumbling about the anticilowed page. The address is pated yawnfest awaiting him at
Rehnquist’s speech. [email protected].
Some students were lucky ing J.K.’s departure, highlights of
enough to witness first hand Jus- the trip included a lap dance for the
tice Kennedy’s strapping thighs Hawk, the loss of J.M.’s hat in an
strolling the corridors of the Law orifice, and a witching-hour attempt
School last week — those khakis to consume consortium… maybe
were tight, baby — reminding VG of those were lowlights.
For those who stayed behind,
battered drumsticks. J.K.’s visit
treated students to a taste of test- Friday night offered a keg party at
Alderman, ostensibly held in honor
of the admitted students, who were
apparently too captivated by the
aforementioned Rehnquist yawnfest to party. Any admits in attendance were, however, treated to
feats of drinking by 3Ls S.B., B.J.,
and G.F., and the impressive behavior of the beer-pong Nazi, 3L
C.C., who regulated the beer-pong
ladder and commanded at least one
1L team to step away from the table.
Way to show those incoming students the way, C.C. Meanwhile,
Justice Rehnquist spoke to the “different kind of student” at Caplin
Auditorium, in an attempt to show
prospectives that many of us don’t
actually long to spend Friday
evening drinking foamy beer and
playing pong in the basement of the
Law School’s version of a frat
house… Hmm… Will this really
work? Can you revamp the image of
the school successfully? Will they
come? Does Euro Disney still exist?
The French won’t go near that place
— and the intellectuals ain’t coming here, but VG digresses…
Beyond Friday night, last week
included Commissioner Song Night
at the Biltmore on Wednesday: the
coveted Golden Softball award went
to 2L D.Z., who hammed it up with
“Girls Just Wanna Get Ass,” a slutty
parody of the Cindy Lauper fave.
On Saturday night, Lewis Mountain, led by out-of-control drunk 3L
E.V., held its last chance party —
the last chance to hook up with that
bombastic guy or gal from your section whom you never got around to
screwing. VG doesn’t know if the
party lived up to its creed, but VG
knows this: the school’s most adorable couple is officially 3L N.F. and
1L C.D. They are going to have
some smiley-ass kids. Who knew
that Long Island plus Louisiana
equals lust? Admiring their foreplay Saturday, one 3L mused: “Aw,
look at that, with those pet names
and cuddling and all, how cute are
those little people?” But then many
PHOTO GALLERY
How to Relax... the Right Way
How to Relax... the Cute and Compact Way
How to Relax... the Incredibly Awkward and
Aesthetically Unpleasing Way
photos by Sam Young
The Weekly Crossword
Edited by Wayne Robert Williams
Top Ten Things that
Would Raise Us in the Rankings
by David Sergenian ’03
SPINOFFS
By Josiah Breward, Scranton, Pennsylvania
ACROSS
1 Brits’ raincoats
5 Hole-making tools
9 Port __ cheese
14 Segal movie, “Where’s
__?”
19 Arthur of tennis
20 Slangy affirmative
21 “Crazy” singer Patsy
22 Bradley and Sharif
23 Series and spinoff
27 Hot jewelry?
28 Biblical boat
29 Fish eggs
30 Buenos __
31 __ Dhabi
32 Scandinavian country:
abbr.
33 Angler’s tool
34 Highland hats
36 Lapdog, briefly
37 Projecting edge
38 Latin handle
40 Moslem veils
43 Position
45 Departed
46 Series and spinoff
48 Gadgeteer Popeil
50 Dawn’s early light
51 Dynamic leader?
52 CIA’s Soviet counterpart
53 Stuck one’s neck out
56 Former 1/2 country
58 Arista
60 Poisonous shrub
64 Tenants
66 Lipstick trees: var.
70 Whip
71 Cycle starter?
72 Series and spinoff
76 Compass pt.
77 Overly submissive
79 Feminist pioneer
Elizabeth
80 Caches
82 Juan of Argentina
84 Gradual bend
85 Fruit drink
88 European ermines
89 Neurological test letters
91 European river
94 Old-time high note
96 Word extension: abbr.
97 Series and spinoff
103 School orgs.
106 Herzog film, “__: The
Wrath of God”
107 Able to read
108 Evening in Roma
beers and much foreplay later, the
same 3L offered: “God, look at that,
with those pet names and cuddling
and all, how disgusting are those
little people?” Perhaps this 3L was
jealous, but something had to be
said — VG has kept this relationship under wraps for a while.
Saturday’s display was simply the
straw that broke VG’s back.
VG also knows that 3L A.R.
walked into Lewis Mountain and
immediately started freedom-kissing his drunk, on-again, off-again
grad student. She was on him like
Sigourney Weaver possessed in
Ghostbusters. Before you could say
Oy!, they had vanished into A.R.’s
former room, only to emerge disheveled and rosy-cheeked. A.R.’s
matted ’fro reminded VG of helmetoff post-game shots from vintage
NFL films.
Finally, all this lust seems cheap
next to the true love expressed last
week by 2L J.S., who apparently
dropped the L-bomb on M.B. After
saying “I love you,” J.S. soon departed and, in a fit of post-commitment confusion, left his wallet at
her place. Smooth.
So in closing, to all you 3Ls
reading along: Be forewarned that
this is essentially your last dose of
the comforting maternal affection
called VG. Cherish the joy, gossip,
and good cheer VG has brought
each Friday. Find solace in the
fact that love is in the air in Spies
and that lounging 1Ls are gazing
into each other’s eyes before Con
Law and thinking: this person is
mediocre-looking up close, but
looks okay from far way. And then
they’re off to Chesepeake Bagel
Bakery, where she dares him to
eat a fatty cookie… And so we
conclude with these images not of
petty gossip, but of true love, U.Va.
Law-style, because that’s what VG
is all about.
109 Floating
cooler?
110 Turkish title
112 Brass
instrument
113 Cellular
letters
115 Fam.
member
116 Passive,
female
cosmic
principle
117 French floor
119 Marina del
__, CA
120 Will Smith
movie of
2001
121 Half a
Kenyan
rebel?
122 Series and
spinoff
127 __-ski
128 Ammonia
derivative
129 Trumpetshaped
flower
130 Actor
Morales
131 Discernment
132 Lecherous man
133 Stone and Stallone
134 Part of P.E.
DOWN
1 Of the morning
2 Volcanic formation
3 Series and spinoff
4 But, to Brutus
5 One of the Blues Brothers
6 Nine-to-five times
7 __ Cruces, NM
8 Pitman system
9 Outlines
10 In imitation of
11 Judy’s daughter
12 Disunite a fly?
13 Yellowish pink
14 Whale groups
15 Cockney’s abode
16 Faisal I’s nationalist
movement
17 Uprightness
18 Takes for granted
24 G.A. Nasser’s short-lived
nation
25 Creates froth
solution p. 6
10. More people who both brag about never going to class and then
write 300-page outlines.
9. More breast surgery.
8. More stress in the curriculum on those aspects of legal education
that really translate into things that judges want to hear about,
like the transaction costs of the judicial system and how it would
be better if economists ran the world.
7. More cattiness.
6. Stronger NGSL presence? Oh sorry, I’m getting redundant.
5. More of the first-year joke formula: take ordinary phrase,
substitute arcane legal term, laugh loudly. Continue until graduation.
4. Fewer Armenians.
3. Expansion of all PR classes to five credits.
2. Cloning of Dean Hopson.
1. Two words: Daily VANGUARD.
Hey. You claim you’re funny, but your mom told us something
different. Prove her wrong and submit your list to [email protected].
26 Lee of “The Running
Man”
35 Terrier type
37 Persian nightingale
39 Egyptian solar discs
41 Close-fitting
42 Wide, flat river valley in
Scotland
44 Glad rags
47 Words in self-help titles
49 Requirement
53 Clustered mass
54 Actress Taylor
55 __ ex machina
57 Captivated
59 Entre __ (between us)
61 Series and spinoff
62 Balance-sheet item
63 Fischer’s game
65 Stiff hair
67 Modern: pref.
68 “__ Christie”
69 Mach 2 breakers
73 Ankle bones
74 At the ready
75 Dines
78 Walter of “Star Trek”
81
83
86
87
90
Liquid courses
__-do-well
Payments
Lamb’s pen name
Revolve around a fixed
point
92 Dismounted
93 One who comes back
95 In the manner of stars
97 Tended tots
98 Herod __
99 Undoers
100 Ancient Greek district
101 Violin of the Middle
Ages
102 Beth and Don
104 Passage between
buildings
105 Slender Arabian dogs
111 Long-tailed lizard
114 Assistance
117 Latin being
118 Give off
123 Court divider
124 Even one
125 Abner’s size?
126 Cadence count word