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Family Matters
Sasha Brown, family care manager for
Staunton-based Community Family Care, shares
advice on dealing with a bossy child
When your child tells you to go get them a snack now
you’ll probably be tempted to laugh. You might watch
fondly as they show their little brother or sister the ‘right’
way to do things, thinking what a great teacher they are. It
is natural for children to be developing their personalities
and most children go through a phase where they bark out
demands like a drill sergeant. Often it’s a reflection of their
growing self-esteem and an indication of self-confidence.
However, it is useful to remember who is in control in
your household as there is a danger your child could
quickly become the one calling all the shots.
Who is in control?
If you let your child get their own way all the time you’re
in danger of developing a teenager that is used to getting
their own way and you are no longer in control of their
behaviour. Don’t do what they say just for a quiet life –
remind them to make their requests in an appropriate
manner. You may also decide to make this one of your
house rules.
Defuse power struggles by offering your child as many
choices as you can, that way they’ll feel as though they’ve
had a say in the matter and you still get your desired
outcome.
Communication
Teach your child how to ask nicely for what they want.
Demanding things can be a hard habit to break, so practise
phrases your child can use to ask for things politely. Role
model through play if your child particularly struggles with
this. Good communication skills are an asset as your child
grows up.
Attention
Pay less attention to bossy behaviour. Children love playing
to an audience, so don’t encourage the behaviour by
laughing. Even negative attention is still attention, so don’t
spend lots of 1:1 time with your child when addressing the
behaviour, simply ignore the bossy demand and remind
your child how to make their request. Only respond to the
desired behaviour.
Friendships
Bossiness could affect your child’s friendships. Children
may struggle with a friend who keeps telling them what
they can and can’t do, which may also develop into
bullying. Supervise play if you feel this may be an issue and
take your child to one side if you feel they are becoming
bossy with others. You may also consider limiting
competitive games if your child’s bossiness is a real issue.
Set some rules for play and role model communication
skills with your child.
It may also be useful to monitor your child’s bossiness with
younger siblings as they may become more passive due to
the other child taking over. Remind your child that their
siblings need to do things for themselves in order to learn.
Assertiveness can be an asset as your child grows up.
Helping children to develop communication skills and see
all points of view can support your child to develop their
bossiness into future leadership skills.
● Community Family Care helps families and young people
in need of additional support. It seeks to improve parents’
confidence, help with routines to get children to school, or
more complex support dealing with challenging behaviours
at home. The work its staff carry out includes peer
mentoring and life coaches for young people, and family
support programmes.
Visit communityfamilycare.co.uk
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Parents urged to be more aware
‘Be Kind online’ was the theme
for an e-safety week at Dean
Close Prep School, Cheltenham,
in support of Safer Internet Day
Keeping our
children safe
when surfing
T
GEC-E01-S2
Life
3
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BEDDING
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Family
19
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HE internet can be a
treacherous place for children
who are unaware of the
extreme or harmful content
they can be exposed to.
This is why parents are urged to take
advice from Safer Internet Day which
aims to raise awareness of the online
nasties they may stumble across.
This year will be the biggest yet for the
campaign and nearly 1,000
organisations across the country are
getting involved.
Children are often exposed to sexual
content and online predators and
police and teachers are doing their bit
to raise awareness among parents.
Mother Sarah James, 42, from
Abbeymead, said: “Keeping children
safe on the internet is the
responsibility of everyone involved in
that child’s life.
“Education in this should start from
infancy, especially with the evolving
technology available to us. A
smartphone or tablet is regularly
handed to a baby or toddler to
provide entertainment.
“This well-meant gesture can result in
an inadvertent swipe from the child
and then suddenly they are exposed to
inappropriate advertising, images or
sounds.
“We need to take the fact seriously
that everyone is creating a permanent
cyber footprint so our privacy and
security needs to be protected and
that starts from birth,”she added.
It is important that children are aware
of the dangers, but in an age
appropriate way. For the very young it
is the parent’s responsibility and while
that is also true for older children,
they also learn right from wrong from
lessons in school.
Dean Close School in Cheltenham is
preparing for a week of educating
children in this field to ensure they
know how to use the Internet safely.
Headteacher Paddy Moss said: “The
rapid growth of technology has
removed the barriers of distance and
time, meaning communications are
“ A smartphone or tablet is
regularly handed to a baby or
toddler to provide
entertainment. This well-meant
gesture can result in an
inadvertent swipe from the child
and then suddenly they are
exposed to inappropriate
advertising, images or sounds.“
MUM SARAH JAMES
faster and more accessible than ever. It
also means that our children are
exposed to a different kind of danger.
“Parents can do their very best to
protect their children but it is also
important that we make children
aware by encouraging the positive use
of the internet and giving them skills to
manage difficult situations.
“This week has certainly raised pupils’
awareness and hopefully they will be
more thoughtful when using the
internet and communicating online in
the future.”
Gloucester city councillor Jennie
Dallimore (C, Podsmead), who is a
mother-of-four, said keeping children
safe online is more important than
many believe.
She said: “I’m not sure parents always
realise the full extent of what can be
accessed that’s unsuitable and
potentially dangerous for their welfare.
“It's not an easy challenge when it’s
now second nature to be online and
with my own children it is difficult to
monitor what they are looking at when
they are in their rooms or on a mobile
device out of sight.
“I think, as a parent, you need to be
very aware of the dangers and help
educate young people of the need to
be safe online whilst monitoring and
restricting usage. There are so many
terrible cases of where it can go
wrong and we need to play a part in
safeguarding our children from harm.”
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Playing your part
The team at SaferInternet suggest some key
good practices to remember
1 Post positively. We all can make choices to be kinder
online and help to create a better internet for everyone.
2 Think before you post. Remember there’s a person
behind the screen reading what you post. Even words
meant as a joke can be upsetting to others. Using terms
that are offensive – for example to someone’s disability,
sexual orientation or gender – can have lasting
consequences on a person’s self-esteem.
3 Don’t suffer in silence. Speak to a parent, teacher or
other trusted adult if you see or receive any abuse
online. Look out for your friends and be there for them
in person. If you don’t feel ready to chat to an adult, talk
to a friend or get in touch with ChildLine online or call
0800 11 11.
4 Report to social networks and block anyone who is
being mean. Social media companies rely on the
community to tell them when something isn’t right. Play
an active role as a digital citizen and report anything that
you think might break the rules.
5 Report anything to police that might break the law.
Online actions can have offline consequences, and some
things you post can even break the law. If you see
anything online that you think might break the law then
report to your local police or speak to an adult who can
help you to take action.
● Visit saferinternet.org.uk
CHAH20160206C-001_C
PCSO Simon King with mascot PC Ollie promoting Safer
Internet Day at a display in Cheltenham High Street