Here

An Adapted Quick List
By Gretchen Bernabei
Model this process as students follow along on paper:
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Number your paper down the side, 1-12
For 1, 2, and 3, write down words or phrases that remind
you of moments in your life when you helped someone else
For 4, 5, and 6, write down moments in your life when you had to struggle in
some way
For 7, 8, and 9, list things you know how to do
For 10, write a memory involving an animal—someone’s pet, a wild animal, or any
animal memory.
For 11, write a memory involving a gift you gave someone else
For 12, write down a time when you were thrilled to know you had a great
friend
Now choose any three of these memories that you wouldn’t mind letting other people
hear about. Put a star by the one you’d choose to talk about first.
Debriefing
1. Of all the millions of moments you’ve experienced in your life, the
one you put a star by bubbled up to the top. Why do you think that
happened?
2. After any of these moments, were there some things in your life
that you understood differently? (Could these be expository topics?)
3. Can you connect any valuable life lessons with one of these
memories?
Now let’s choose a topic to write about. It is probably the topic you starred above, but
in case you find that you don’t have a lot you can say about that topic, you have 11
others you can try instead!
Variations
1. Have students suggest additional categories for memories.
2. Take a collection of released test prompts from previous years and have students
match them to topics on their quicklists.
3. It’s easy to turn a memory into a piece of fiction. Students can pluck something from
their quicklists and change whatever they want, creating fiction or outright
fantasy.
Note: Show students how a topic from this quicklist might be used to write a
personal narrative, but with a little thought about what this topic means to
you, the same topic might be turned into an expository essay topic. Ask,
“What is my opinion about this topic? Is this a topic that I can explain to
other people and use my story to support my opinion about the topic?”
Page 1
Other Quicklist Topics:
A time you were disappointed in your friend
Things your mom or dad do for you and you have never thanked them for it
The parts of school that are most important to you
Sports you have tried and found you were successful at it
Sports you have tried and found you were not successful at it
People you know who have fought in a war
Parts of your life that would change if robots took over the world
Good and bad things about robots taking over the world
Good and bad things about living in the U.S.
Good and bad things about having money
Things you do to pass time when you are bored
Movies that have taught you an important lesson
Things you are afraid of
Places you’d like to visit
Things that are dangerous
Things that can make you sick
Things that can make you healthier
Things you wish you knew about _______ (a topic, such as the solar system, flowers,
the Civil War, the Alamo, etc.)
Things you know how to make
Problems you have tried to solve
Times you have felt confused
Times you have noticed a problem
Times you have tried to change something
Times you made a mistake
Things you wish you hadn’t done
People who have had a positive influence on your life
Things that were hard for you to learn
Times your friends pressured you to do something you didn’t want to do
Times your friends pressured you to do something positive
People who are heroes in your life
Ways your friends would describe you
Page 2
Enthusiasm Map
By David Lee Finkle
from Writing Extraordinary Essays
Most students have special interests, but they often don’t think of them as topics for
writing. Often, they are also unaware of how the things they are interested in are
connected to each other—hence, the idea of an Enthusiasm Map (see Figure 2.2 on the
next page). It is kind of a stream-of-consciousness way of brainstorming topics to write
about.
I model it for students on the board or overhead before I have them do it. They usually
dive in with, well, enthusiasm.
This is completely nonlinear. Students may follow one category all the way down to a
very specific topic, or they may list several categories around their name from the start,
and enthusiasms. On my map, for example, I have connections between Cartooning
and Movies, Group Games and Teaching, and “Peanuts” and theology. The challenge
is for them to come up with everything they can possibly think of that interests them,
and then to see how their different interests relate.
When students know their enthusiasms, they can write about them all in different ways.
They can explain why they like something, describe how to do something, persuade
other people to like it, compare something they like to something else they like or hate,
or write a narrative about it. They can even defend their enthusiasms when they come
under attack.
I ask my students to update their map periodically since they may be developing new
interests. As a class, we delve into this list whenever they need an expository topic.
Page 3
Note: Show students how a topic from this Enthusiasm Map might be used to
write a personal narrative, but with a little thought about what this topic
means to you, the same topic might be turned into an expository essay
topic. Ask, “What is my opinion about this topic? Is this a topic that I can
explain to other people and use my story to support my opinion about the
topic?”
Page 4
Writing in a Small Space
As adults, we are often required to write reports, an
explanation, a description, or documentation, and we are
given a small amount of space or a limited number of
words to accomplish that task. It is a real-life skill to be
able to describe an event in a concise form.
Many professions require adults to write reports. Policemen, insurance appraisers,
journalists, news reporters, business managers, paramedics, investigators, teachers,
nurses, and most government jobs (as well as doctors and lawyers, of course) are
just a few of the jobs that require report writing.
In addition, when we apply for grants, loans, university programs, and when we fill
out job applications, we are often asked to write one paragraph (with a limited
number of lines) explaining how the money will be used or why we are qualified
for the program or job.
According to the University of California Berkeley Career Center:
Writing is an almost universally required professional skill, particularly in service
industries such as finance, insurance, and real estate -- growing employment
sectors that are likely to generate many new jobs in the coming decade.
Corporations in these areas reported that 80% or more of salaried employees have
some responsibility for writing.
According to one human resource director, "All employees must have writing
ability. ...All instructions are written out. Manufacturing documentation, operating
procedures, reporting problems, lab safety, waste-disposal operations-all have to be
crystal clear. As a government contractor, everything must be documented."
More than half of all responding companies reported that they "frequently" or
"almost always" produce technical reports (59%), formal reports (62%), and
memos and correspondence (70%). Email and PowerPoint presentations are
pervasive. "Because of email, more employees have to write more often. Also, a lot
more has to be documented."
(~ https://career.berkeley.edu/article/050408b-dm.stm)
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In her on-line article, “Writing Skills: More Important Than Ever on the Job”,
Katharine Hansen, Ph.D. says, “E-mail is so heavily and globally used to
communicate in the workplace -- replacing the telephone as the primary
communications venue -- that unclear, garbled, poorly written e-mails waste time,
money, and productivity.”
Here are a few tips she recommends:
• Author Guy Kawasaki advises new workforce entrants to learn to write a
one-page report and a five-sentence e-mail. The College Board also suggests
brevity and limiting written communication to key points.
• Writing in Toronto's Globe and Mail, Ingrid Sapona exhorts writers to focus
on style, organization, layout, and reader-focused writing. The easiest way to
address the last point is to "imagine you are telling a story to an intelligent
friend," Sapona writes. Use storytelling to establish rapport and avoid dull,
tedious prose.
• The College Board's study noted that the most sought-after skills are
accuracy, clarity, spelling, punctuation, grammar, and conciseness.
~ (http://www.quintcareers.com/writing_skills_on_job.html)
As much as students and teachers may argue that writing a 26-line story or essay is
unfair to kids, it is a skill that is necessary in today’s job marketplace.
Page 6
Expository Text Planning Tools
18 A (i,ii,iii) Create brief compositions that establish a central
idea in a topic sentence, include (2-3) supporting sentences
with simple facts, details, and explanations and contain a
concluding statement.
1. Read the prompt and brainstorm ideas using the t-chart below
2. Choose one idea from your brainstorm
3. Use the attached graphic organizer to organize your thoughts
CONSIDER…
WRITE THOUGHTS YOU HAVE ABOUT…
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Use the central idea to develop the
introductory paragraph. Be sure to include
the following:
• a lead to introduce the central idea
and engage the reader
• the central idea in a topic sentence
Write another sentence supporting the
central idea. FEED the supporting sentence
with one or more of the following:
• Facts
• Explanation
• Example
• Details
Establish central idea in a topic sentence and record it here
Write a concluding statement that refers
back to the central idea without repeating
the topic sentence.
Write another sentence supporting the
central idea. FEED the supporting sentence
with one or more of the following:
• Facts
• Explanation
• Example
• Details
Office of the Associate Superintendents of Elementary Schools
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Directions for the Expository Essay Brainstorm Chart:
This chart provides a way for students to brainstorm their ideas and select the one idea
they have the most to write about and are most interested in.
Example Grade 4 STAAR Released Prompt:
WRITE about one person who has been important to you. Explain what
makes that person special.
Take the phrase from the “Write about” portion of the prompt and record it on the left
side of the T-Chart under CONSIDER...
Record the phrase from the “Explain” portion of the prompt on the right side of the TChart under WRITE THOUGHTS YOU HAVE ABOUT…
CONSIDER…
One person who has been important
to me
My Aunt Natalie
My Grandma
My Uncle Jerry
WRITE THOUGHT YOU HAVE ABOUT…
What makes that person special
She babysits me a lot
She picks me up after school
We go to her house every weekend
We bake cookies at her house
She has the best dog, Baxter
We play Hide-and-Seek inside her big
house
We rode go-carts at his house once
His kids are older
We don’t go there very often
Students may fill out the chart by either listing several names, then filling in the right
side of the T-Chart for each name, or by writing the name and what makes the person
special before moving on to the next name. They should be encouraged to list as
many names as they think they can write about before choosing which ideas to take to
the planning process.
Now students take their best idea (the one they have the most to write about and are
most motivated to write about) and move to the Expository Essay Organizer.
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Directions for the Expository Essay
Organizing Tool:
This graphic organizer begins in the upper left hand quadrant
and moves clockwise.
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The central idea affects all the other parts of the paper and so it is written in the
center of the paper.
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In the upper left quadrant, students write the introduction to their essay. The
introduction ‘hooks’ the reader and includes the central idea of the composition.
Sometimes writers get their ideas for a ‘hook’ while writing the body of their
essay, so allow writers to come back to this quadrant if an idea does not come to
them easily.
•
In the upper right quadrant, students record a sentence that supports the
central idea. Below the sentence, students can bullet Facts, an Explanation,
Example, or Detail to F.E.E.D. the supporting sentence. Students should be
encouraged to use their best ideas from the Brainstorm T-Chart to form their
supporting sentences.
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In the lower right quadrant, students record another supporting sentence and
think of Facts, an Explanation, Example, or Detail to F.E.E.D. the supporting
sentence. Again, students should be encouraged to use their best ideas from
the Brainstorm T-Chart to form their supporting sentences.
It’s important for students to read the supporting sentences and the central idea
to ensure the supporting sentences actually do support the central idea. They
may find they need to revise their central idea or their supporting sentences.
•
The final quadrant contains the concluding statement. An effort should be
made to express the central idea of the essay in different words.
Once the students have determined that all the parts are connected to their central
idea, they are ready to use their Organizing Tool to write a draft of their essay. You
will need to model this drafting. It is not obvious to many students how to take these
scattered words and thoughts and turn them into sentences that connect to each other.
For the introduction, students should be encouraged to use the same type of leads
they used when writing a narrative (dialogue, description, action, etc.) However, the
leading sentence must flow into the central idea which is also included in the
introductory paragraph.
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Once the introductory paragraph is written, it’s time to compose the body of the
composition. Each of the next two quadrants from the Organizing Tool will become a
paragraph in the body of the essay. Students need to be sure to write the supporting
sentence and F.E.E.D. it with facts, an explanation, an example, and/or details. Each
paragraph is connected by transition words and phrases. Model the use of transition
words to show how the ideas in the essay are connected. Use caution when using these
transition words so as not to sound too formulaic.
The final paragraph should be the conclusion, which should refer to the central idea
without repeating it.
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ESSAY MIND MAP
CENTRAL MESSAGE OR IDEA
(Thesis Statement)
Supporting Claim
Supporting Claim
(Facts, Explanations, Examples, Details)
(Facts, Explanations, Examples, Details)
__________________________________
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CONCLUDING PARAGRAPH
(Restate the central idea or message supported by claims)
For these reasons, I believe that…
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ESSAY MIND MAP
____________________________________
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_________________________________
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_________________________________
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Essay Mind Map Lesson Plan
Designed by Mary Alice Ruiz
Writer’s Habits: Understand how to use essay/expository mind map for planning and organizing a central
idea (thesis statement), supporting information and conclusion.
1. “Today, we’re going to learn how to use an Essay Mind Map for improving our essays. This map’s
organizational structure helps young writers organize and plan their essay ideas for elaborating during
the drafting process. It includes a central idea (thesis statement), two supporting informational
paragraphs and a concluding paragraph.”
(Optional: “The Essay Mind Map’s framework is structured like a blueprint for constructing or building a
home. You can’t build a house that is structurally sound without a blueprint. It helps build a strong
foundation for any home, otherwise, this home will collapse. This Essay Mind Map is designed to do the
same for helping young writer’s create a quality essay.”)
2. Introduce the Essay Mind Map’s organizational structure or framework using technology. “What do
you notice about this mind map?” “How is it organized? How might it help you in organizing and
planning your essay ideas? It includes the following sections: 1) a central idea/message to be written in
the rectanglar box at the top; 2) two supporting information paragraphs to be written in each oval; and
3) a concluding paragraph to be written in the rectangular box at the bottom.
3. Model how to use the Essay Mind Map by transferring the teacher’s own central idea (thesis statement)
and supporting infomation (i.e. facts, explanations, examples, and/or details) from the Calkin’s T-chart
and/or boxes & bullets pre-writing ideas. First, model how to elaborate on the central idea to clarify
its meaning and focus as related to the topic. Next, elaborate on the informational paragraphs to include
any facts, explanations, examples and/or details that support the central idea. Add transitions to better
organize informational paragraphs. Note: Model how to elaborate on the concluding paragraph during a
mini-lesson for later.
4. Facilitate writer’s conferences to provide guided writing practice on how to transfer and/or elaborate on
the central idea (thesis statement). Or, guide students as they elaborate on their two supporting
informational paragraphs. Have students refer to their Lucy Calkin’s T-chart and/or boxes & bullets
sections in their writer’s folder for completing their essay map. Note: Determine flexible grouping
needs prior to faciliating individual/small group writer’s conferences.
5. Model how to transfer ideas from the Essay Mind Map onto paper during the drafting process. See
attachment for differentiating instruction lesson plan.
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ESSAY MIND MAP
Differentiated Instruction Lesson Plan
Writer’s Habits: Understand how to transition from prewriting to the drafting process
using a plan.
1. “Today, we will develop our first expository/essay draft using good writer’s habits.”
2. “Which writer’s strategy do you think we will use today? We’re going to use our ideas
from our Essay Mind Map to develop our essay drafts on paper. Watch as I model this
strategy using my mind plan. Pay attention to the expository structure and
organization of my draft as I rearrange my 1) central idea (thesis statement), 2)
supporting paragraphs and 3) concluding statement or paragraph from my mind map
onto paper. Also, pay close attention to any transitions that I use to link my ideas from
paragraoph to paragraph within my paper.”
3. Model writer’s strategy by cutting sections of mind map, to demonstrate how the
paragraphs are structured and organized on paper. Begin with the central
idea/message/statement (introductory paragraph).
4. Next, model how to arrange the two supporting paragraphs within the body of the
paper. Make sure and highlight transitional words and/or phrases used to link and
organize the supporting paragraphs in logical order.
5. Last, arrange concluding statement/paragraph at the bottom of the page. Make it
brief and model how to elaborate concluding paragraph during drafing and revision
process.
6. Display teacher expository paper to give students a visual of what the first draft looks
like in paragraph form. Now the students are ready to follow these same steps in
transferring and elaborating on their ideas as they begin their drafts.
7. Facilitate writer’s conferences using Barry Lane Tips and/or Lucy Calkin’s
conferencing strategies during the drafting process.
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Flash Nonfiction
By David Lee Finkle
Write a topic sentence on the board, something that might be a paragraph
within a larger essay, but certainly not a big enough topic to fill up an
entire essay. Give students about ten minutes to write off the top of their
head on the topic, encouraging them to use as many specific details as
possible. Pair students and have them share. Give them a focus such as
picking their partner’s best, most vivid detail and highlight or circle it. If
time allows, have two or three volunteers read their entire paragraphs
aloud to the class. Again, compliment and comment on the best details,
the things that created pictures.
This is a simple but powerful exercise because students write and get
immediate feedback. It builds fluency for writing in a relaxed,
nonthreatening environment.
What kind of topics do I give? Almost anything that lends itself to a short
paragraph. Any topic can be taken and given a particular twist. Some may
be test-type topics; others may be more like topic sentences and writers
will fill in the details. Here are a few examples:
Explain why you think Friday is the best day of the week (or Monday is the
worst day).
Explain why you think kids pick on each other.
Explain why a particular television show is your favorite.
Explain why you think parents want you to brush your teeth.
Explain why sleeping late on the weekends is good for kids (or bad for kids).
Explain why staying up late on the weekends is good for kids (or bad for kids).
The roller coaster was scary.
It was an interesting classroom.
She was a total snob.
He/she was a terrible student (or he/she was an excellent student.)
I made a mad dash to get to school on time.
I was nervous/happy as I brought home my worst/best report card ever.
My favorite snack is…because…
My favorite restaurant is…because…
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Expository Transitions
Make sure to connect your ideas with transition words and phrases like those
shown below. Transition words show that your supporting ideas are organized in
a way that leads to your concluding statement.
Words that Compare (Show Similarities):
also
as
in the same way
like
likewise
similarly
while
Example: Like last year’s activities, this year’s choices had many of the same themes.
Words that Contrast (Show Differences):
although
but
even though
however
on the other hand
otherwise
still
yet
Example: Be sure to eat a balanced diet. Otherwise, you won’t get enough
vitamins and minerals.
Words that Emphasize a Point:
again
especially
for this reason
in fact
to emphasize
to repeat
truly
Example: In fact, of all the ways you can protect yourself while skateboarding,
the most important way is wearing a helmet.
Words that Add Information:
again
along with
also
and
another
as well
besides
finally
for example
for instance
in addition
next
Example: In addition to the items that were lost in the fire, many of their
belongings were damaged by smoke.
Words that Indicate a Conclusion:
as a result
because
finally
in conclusion
lastly
therefore
Example: Finally, you will write your name at the bottom of the page and turn in
your paper.
Texas Write Source, Grade 4
Page 17
Criteria charts are most effective when they are created with your students, in their language, based
on what they have learned from mentor texts and your lessons. You may use this list to guide this
discussion with your students, and to make sure you have included all the important points.
Criteria for a Good Expository Essay
The lead is inviting and leads the reader to the central
idea of the essay. The central idea is included in the
introductory paragraph.
The central idea is clear and focused on one topic.
The central idea is supported with interesting and
specific facts, details, explanations, or examples.
A variety of thoughtful transitions are used. They clearly show how ideas are
connected.
The writer seems to be writing from knowledge or experience. The author has taken
the ideas and made them "his own."
The writer uses vivid words and phrases that engage and draw pictures in the reader's
mind.
All sentences are well-constructed with varied structure.
The concluding statement is strong and leaves the reader with a feeling that they
understand why the author wrote this piece.
The writer makes no errors in grammar or spelling that distract the reader from the
content.
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Fixing Clunker Sentences
This strategy will help students improve poorly constructed sentences in their own
writing. It will also help to prepare students for the STAAR Revising questions, such as:
Look at sentence 14. The phrase get better does not express what
Samantha was trying to say. Which word could BEST replace get
better and help Samantha improve the meaning of this sentence?
What is the BEST way to combine sentences 19 and 20?
(Note that, in the second question, the answer choices suggest different
ways to punctuate the sentences and also ways to improve the clarity of
the sentences.)
Once students begin writing, we often find they have great details buried in muddled,
incoherent sentences—what David Finkle calls “clunkers”. Clunkers stop the flow of
the paper. These sentences may be unclear, wordy, or awkwardly patched together,
and they are often nearly impossible to understand. Take a look at a few examples:
“Choices were made by some people that were bad because they caused the people
to get punishments that were bad.”
“They probably have enough money with all their wealth and riches to feed the world
two full and healthy meals.”
“Second of all the next reason or characteristic a true and good friend should have in
my opinion is generosity or being caring.”
Real clunkers can only be found in student writing. They cannot be found in a
textbook and a teacher cannot make them up, because they are a student’s true
attempt to make a point that somehow gets all mixed up. So, you’ll need to start
collecting them from students’ writing. Ask other teachers to collect their clunkers
and share them with each other. Keep them from year to year, so you have plenty to
draw from for next year.
1. Because students usually do not even know when they have written a clunker, the
first way to use this collection of clunkers is to create awareness of the problem.
Show some examples of your own clunkers first, to show students that you make
mistakes too. Remind them that good writers revise and rewrite these clunkers
until they clearly say what they want to communicate. Then, with extreme
sensitivity toward writers who are trying their hardest to find words for their ideas,
show a clunker from a student writing.
Page 19
2. Project the clunker and ask students to discuss what is wrong with it. What part of
the sentence is unclear? This does not need to be a study of grammatical terms,
but students do need to be specific. Statements such as “I just don’t like it,” and “It
doesn’t sound right,” won’t help to correct the problem. Students need to be
more specific: “There are too many words that don’t matter.” “We don’t know who
the word ‘they’ is talking about.” “There are too many ‘ands’ strung together.”
3. The next step is to try to fix the clunker. Ask students to help you decide, “What is
it that the writer is really trying to say? What is the point he is making?” You may
need to break the sentence into parts to analyze it completely. At first, reword the
sentence for your students and show them a more direct, precise sentence. Ask
students, “What makes this a better sentence?” Again, push for specifics.
Use these 3 questions to help guide students as they try to fix clunker sentences:
•
Is it clean? Are there extra, “fatty”, unnecessary words in the sentence which
could be cut?
One suggestion might be to circle the subject and the predicate in the sentence
and cross out every other word that is not absolutely necessary. Now reword
the sentence using only the most necessary words.
•
Is it clear? Does it make sense? What is making this sentence confusing and
how can I fix it?
•
Do the parts connect? Are there fragments or run-on sentences? And are the
connecting words used correctly? (and, but, so, or, until, because)
4. Begin the analysis and rewriting of clunker sentences in whole group discussions.
Then move the problem-solving into small groups or partners. Use only one
clunker per day, but analyze and discuss it well. Post all the groups’
recommendations for rewriting and compare them. Which new sentence stays
true to the meaning, yet expresses the meaning more clearly?
Over time, and with repeated practice, students will become more aware of clunkers
in their own writing and will learn how to rework these awkward sentences to make
them more concise and precise.
~ David Lee Finkle, Writing Extraordinary Essays
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Schoolwide Writing Contest
One other way to make writing a part of your school culture is to create a
school-wide, weekly writing contest. Give your writing contest a catchy name
like “Picture This!” or “Write On!” or “Writers Rock!”
It runs on the same basic writing principle as Flash Nonfiction, and can be used
to promote the skill of creating specific details.
Here’s how it works. During your school’s morning assembly, in-house news
program, or scheduled announcement time, introduce a ‘telling’ sentence and
tell the student body that the contest is to create one, only one, sentence that
shows us the same idea by creating a word picture, a picture in the reader’s
minds created with words. Create an entry box out of a shoe box and entry
forms on strips of paper.
(Name of Writing Contest) ENTRY FORM
This week’s topic sentence:
My “word picture” sentence that shows rather than tells!
Please write your name, grade, and Language Arts teacher’s name on the
back of this form before entering.
Collect the entries in the box, which has the sentence posted on it, for the next
week.
Here are some topic sentences to get you started:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
His backpack was overloaded.
The car was so awesome.
The storm was scary.
My friend makes me laugh.
The sunrise was beautiful.
I had a bad cold.
I laughed really hard.
The old house looked creepy.
It was a terrible meal.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.
16.
17.
18.
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I was really sleepy
The cotton candy was messy.
It was really hard.
We had fun.
The kitchen was a mess.
The substitute was angry.
His sneakers were very old.
It was a gloomy day.
The day was over.
Choosing winners is fairly easy: you eliminate the sentences that are vague,
incoherent, or fragments. After weeding out the obvious nonwinners, you will
have some possible winners left. Have two teachers rank the finalists and
decide on between two and five winners. Read the winners on the air, so the
whole school gets to hear a few good examples of “word pictures” each week.
The next sentence is announced, and the whole process starts again.
You may be a little discouraged by the entries at first, but the longer the
contest goes on, the better the entries will get.
Note: “Word pictures” use words to create a picture in the reader’s mind. Good
writing is vivid and engaging, no matter the genre. “Word pictures” are a
valuable tool for writers to use in both expository essays and in narrative
stories.
Page 22
Moving from ‘Exploding the Moment’
to ‘Concise and Precise’
During the good ole days of TAKS writing, we taught our students to
‘Explode the Moment’ in an attempt to get them to say more about the
big moment in their stories.
The times have changed. We are now living in the STAAR era of making every word count,
saying what we mean and meaning what we say, keeping our language concise and precise.
In the real world of writing, there is a time and a place for both types of writing. We do not
have to look far to find some beautiful examples of ‘exploding a moment’ in the novels we read
and sometimes even in our students’ narratives, written for the purpose of entertaining an
audience.
Record these ‘explode a moment’ examples. Create a boring sentence that simply states what
is happening in the exploded moment. Now have your students work together to create a
concise and precise sentence or two that capture(s) the essence of the exploded moment and
still has a sense of style and creativity.
With lots of repeated practice, writers will get the hang of how to keep the language colorful
and simple.
~ Stephanie Heinchon, Region XIII
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Moving from Exploding the Moment to Concise and Precise
Blah Sentence
Explode the Moment
Concise and Precise
He walked through
the door.
He grasped the cold doorknob and turned it slowly to
the right. He pushed the door inward. The hinges
squeaked and cold air rushed past the opening door.
The room was dark. His eyes darted to the right.
Nothing. He pushed the door open a little farther, and
slowly moved his right foot into the room. His shoe
creaked a bit as it hit the polished hardwood floor.
The door hinges squeaked as he
hesitantly crept through the door into a
cold, dark room. His shoe made the
hardwood floor creak.
I walked into the
kitchen and saw my
mother holding a
skateboard.
Upon opening the gate to our backyard I wondered if
there was a surprise in store for me. My hands began
to sweat with anticipation as I crossed the yard to the
enclosed patio. I had to remind myself that it wasn’t the
gift, but the thought that counted as I ran into the
kitchen. The door slammed behind me as I was greeted
by the sweet smell of chocolate cake and my mother.
She was beaming as she held out my gift: the red
skateboard, the red skateboard I had pointed out to my
mother in the toy store window!
She was a dog—a dog with graceful white feet and
ankles, a thick white chest, and a bulging stomach that
hinted pink where the hairs were sparse and coarse.
Across her back and hips were large, irregular brown
spots, and her head, which was really too small for her
body, wore several shades of brown that arched over
her eyes, giving her a surprised and interested
expression. Around her neck a thick roll of extra flesh
fanned out soft fur into a deep, inviting ruffle and her
ears drooped like rich brown velvet triangles.
My hands sweat and my heart raced in
anticipation of the gift I hoped my
mother would give me. And there it
was—the very skateboard I had longed
for!
The dog was white
with brown spots
and overweight.
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The dog was fat and beautiful in a way
that made you want to drop to his level
and rub him all over.
Change Passive Verbs
to Lively Verbs
Passive verbs include: is, am, are, was, were, be, being, been
Sentences that contain passive verbs are weak because they often do not
include an action that the reader can visualize, or the subject does not
do the action. In a sentence with an active verb, the subject is doing
the action. Students can improve the quality of their writing by changing
these passive verbs to vivid verbs, powerful verbs, to fizz up the action,
paint word-pictures, and evoke feelings in their readers.
Students should go on a ‘passive verb hunt’
through their papers to find any of these passive
verbs. Have them circle all the passive verbs in
their entire paper. Now model for students how to
change the circled verbs to lively and vivid verbs.
Examples:
Passive: The jar was broken by Kim
Active: Kim broke the jar.
Passive: My cousins are constantly whining.
Active: My cousins whine constantly.
Passive: There are times when I feel no one listens to me.
Active: At times, I feel no one listens to me.
Passive: The children were sad when their dog was dead.
Active: The children wept when their dog died.
Note that there are times when it seems it is not possible to change a
passive verb. A few passive verbs are acceptable in every writing.
Children should be encouraged to change as many passive verbs as
possible in their writing. Make it a challenge: Can they change half of
them? Most of them? All of them?
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Be as concise as possible; find the single verb to replace the
roundabout phrase.
Do not say: He did not remember to feed the dog.
Say instead: He forgot to feed the dog.
Do not say: She did not pass the music exam.
Say instead: She failed the music exam.
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Name_________________________________
Date____________________
Title: _________________________________
Revising Checklist - Expository
Reread your writing carefully. Put a check mark in each box under “Author” as you
complete each revising item. You will need to read your paper several times. Once all
the boxes are checked, give your writing and this revising checklist to a peer to help
them give you feedback about your writing. The ‘Peer’ box is larger so they can write
notes.
Author Peer
1. Thesis/Central Idea - Is the thesis or central idea
clearly stated in the introduction of the essay?
2. Focus - Does the essay stay focused on the thesis or
central idea? Do the facts, details, examples and
explanations match the thesis and the supporting
sentences?
3. Organization - Does the body of the essay have a
clear organizational strategy? (Supporting sentences
that show reasons, kinds, parts, times, etc.)
4. Support - Does the writer include facts, details,
examples, and explanations that are clearly related to
each reason, kind, part, time, etc.?
5. Transitions - Are transitions used to signal additional
information and how it is related to the information
before it?
6. Conclusion - Does the conclusion provide a closing
for the essay and leave the reader with a provocative
thought?
Page 27
Teacher Conferencing
Keep in mind,
your goal is to help the writer, not the writing.
1. Begin with positive statements.
“Look what a great writer you are becoming!”
2. Ask the student how you can help them today. We want students to take
responsibility for their own learning. Therefore, the student should come to
the conference with a question to ask about his/her own writing.
3. Give only 1 or 2 revising suggestions. (Write on post-it notes to leave with
the writer.)
Link to only lessons previously taught.
4. Give only 1 editing suggestion. (Write it on a post-it note and leave it
attached to the writing.)
One spelling pattern, 5 non-negotiable words, one capitalization rule,
one punctuation rule
5. End with, “What is your plan?” Student repeats back what he/she needs to
work on.
The student should leave the conference motivated to write!
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A Conferencing Tip from Georgia Heard:
Read Writing Out Loud
In her book, The Revision Toolbox, Georgia Heard says, “This is probably the most
frequent conference strategy I use—to read a student’s writing back to her, so she can hear her own words.”
By reading the writing aloud to the student, it allows the writer to not have to think about decoding, but
instead to just listen and think about the sound of the writing. Also the writer is not able to insert words or
phrasing that he/she intended to put in the writing, but are not really there. When someone else reads the
piece, the person reads it as it is.
Heard says, “I suggest the writer might want to keep a pen or pencil nearby, to mark places she’d like to work
on or things that strike her as powerful. Sometimes I suggest that the writer close her eyes as I read, to see if
any other details come to mind. Here are some questions I might, at some point, ask the writer. I only ask
two or three questions at the most during a conference so as not to overwhelm.
What do you think about your writing?
What were you thinking as I read it to you?
How did it sound? Any places where you think it needs some work?
Did you get any more ideas?
Is everything you want to say here?
Do you like the way it begins? Does it invite the reader in?
Does it feel complete?
What is this piece of writing about?
Where does the writing go abstract or explain rather than show through image or detail?
Are there any words or images that just don’t feel right?
Is there anything that sounds tired, worn, or cliché?
What parts do you think need work?
What revision strategy might you use for this piece of writing?
Page 29
Editing Checklist
1. Have all run-on sentences and fragments been corrected? ______
2. Does each sentence begin with a capital letter? _______
3. Does each sentence end with a punctuation mark? _____
4. Do all proper nouns (names of people, places, or things) have
a capital letter? _______
5. Is the word ‘I’ is capitalized? _______
6. Are all commas used correctly? ______
7. If the writing includes dialogue, does it have quotation marks and a comma
between the quote and the tag? ______
8. If the writing is a letter, does it follow the letter format? _______
9. Are the words spelled correctly? _________
Words to check: _____________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
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Sentence Boundaries:
Have writers ‘frame’ each sentence of their writing to think about whether it is a
complete sentence. To ‘frame’ the sentence, the student places one finger of one
hand before the capital letter that indicates the beginning of the sentence. The
student places one finger of the other hand after the end punctuation for that
sentence.
Now the writer examines the sentence between his/her fingers and asks:
• “Is this a complete sentence? Does it express a complete thought?
• Is it a fragment? Does it sound like part of the sentence is missing?
• Is it a run-on? Is it really more than one sentence that needs to be divided
with end punctuation and a capital letter to show where the new sentence
begins?”
The writer frames each sentence of the writing to examine each sentence and
makes the changes needed to write with only complete sentences.
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Spelling: Research to find the Correct Spelling
We should not expect writers to spell every word correctly in every draft. However, we do want
them to think about the spelling of their words. Only when they become aware of the words they
have trouble with, will they slow down to try different solutions to their ‘problem words’.
Try this: Ask students to find 5-10 words in their draft that they think are spelled incorrectly. Ask
them to research to find the correct spelling of only these 5-10 words. Research includes:
•
•
•
•
•
•
Look at charts around the room to see if you find the word there.
Look for the word in a related book in the classroom library.
Think about other words you know that sound similar. Could the two words have similar
spellings?
If you know the first 3 letters, look the word up in a dictionary or thesaurus.
Ask a Peer Spelling Expert.
Try spelling the word 3 different ways in the margin of your paper.
1. Write all the letters you know and all the sounds you hear.
Which part of the word doesn’t look right? What other letters
elamentry
could be used in their place?
2. Rewrite the word using different letters for the part that doesn’t
elamentery
look right. Does it look better? Or should you try different
letters?
elementary
3. Rewrite the word again, changing any parts you think could be
different.
Out of the 3 spellings you tried, write the one that looks best. Leave your 3 spellings in the
margin so your teacher can see the different ways you tried spelling your word.
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Reflecting on Your Expository Essay
You’ve worked hard on your essay. Now take some time to think about your writing
and score it. Complete each sentence below. Use the writing rubric to score your
writing.
1. The score I would give my essay is . . .
2. I think it deserves this score because . . .
3. The best part of my essay is . . .
4. The part that still needs work is . . .
5. The biggest thing I learned about writing an expository essay is . . .
Adapted from Texas Write Source
Page 36
Organization/Progression
•
•
•
Development of Ideas
•
•
Use of Language/Conventions
•
•
•
Score Point 1
4th Grade Expository Writing Rubric
The organizational structure of the essay is
inappropriate to the purpose or the specific
demands of the prompt. The writer uses
organizational strategies that are only marginally
suited to the explanatory task, or they are
inappropriate or not evident at all. The absence of
a functional organizational structure causes the
essay to lack clarity and direction.
Most ideas are generally related to the topic
specified in the prompt, but the central idea is
missing, unclear, or illogical. The writer may fail to
maintain focus on the topic, may include
extraneous information, or may shift abruptly from
idea to idea, weakening the coherence of the
essay.
The writer’s progression of ideas is weak.
Repetition or wordiness sometimes causes
serious disruptions in the flow of the essay. At
other times the lack of transitions and sentenceto-sentence connections causes the writer to
present ideas in a random or illogical way, making
one or more parts of the essay unclear or difficult
to follow.
.
The development of ideas is weak. The essay is
ineffective because the writer uses details and
examples that are inappropriate, vague, or
insufficient.
The essay is insubstantial because the writer’s
response to the prompt is vague or confused. In
come cases, the essay as a whole is only weakly
linked to the prompt. In other cases, the writer
develops the essay in a manner that
demonstrates a lack of understanding of the
expository writing task.
•
The writer’s word choice may be vague or limited.
It reflects little or no awareness of the expository
purpose and does not establish a tone appropriate
to the task. The word choice may impede the
quality and clarity of the essay.
Sentences are simplistic, awkward, or
uncontrolled, significantly limiting the
effectiveness of the essay.
The writer has little or no command of sentence
boundaries and age-appropriate spelling,
capitalization, punctuation, grammar, and usage
conventions. Serious and persistent errors create
disruptions in the fluency of the writing and
sometimes interfere with meaning.
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Score Point 2
The organizing structure of the essay is evident
but may not always be appropriate to the purpose
or the specific demands of the prompt. The essay
is not always clear because the writer uses
organizational strategies that are only somewhat
suited to the expository task.
Most ideas are generally related to the topic
specified in the prompt, but the writer’s central
idea is weak or somewhat unclear. The lack of an
effective central idea or the writer’s inclusion of
irrelevant information interferes with the focus and
coherence of the essay.
The writer’s progression of ideas is not always
logical and controlled. Sometimes repetition or
wordiness causes minor disruptions in the flow of
the essay. At other times transitions and
sentence-to-sentence connections are too
perfunctory or weak to support the flow of the
essay or show the relationships among ideas.
•
The development of ideas is minimal. The essay
is superficial because the writer uses details and
examples that are not always appropriate or are
too briefly or partially presented.
The essay reflects little or no thoughtfulness. The
writer’s response to the prompt is sometimes
formulaic. The writer develops the essay in a
manner that demonstrates only a limited
understanding of the expository writing task.
•
The writer’s word choice may be general or
imprecise. It reflects a basic awareness of the
expository purpose but does little to establish a
tone appropriate to the task. The word choice
may not contribute to the quality and clarity of the
essay.
Sentences are awkward or only somewhat
controlled, weakening the effectiveness of the
essay.
The writer demonstrates a partial command of
sentence boundaries and age-appropriate
spelling, capitalization, punctuation, grammar, and
usage conventions. Some distracting errors may
be evident, at times creating minor disruptions in
the fluency or meaning of the writing.
•
•
•
•
•
•
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Score Point 3
The organizing structure of the essay is, for the
most part, appropriate to the purpose and
responsive to the specific demands of the prompt.
The essay is clear because the writer uses
organizational strategies that are adequately
suited to the expository task.
The writer establishes a clear central idea. Most
ideas are related to the central idea and are
focused on the topic specified in the prompt. The
essay is coherent, though it may not always be
unified due to minor lapses in focus.
The writer’s progression of ideas is generally
logical and controlled. For the most, transitions
are meaningful, and sentence-to-sentence
connections are sufficient to support the flow of
the essay and show the relationships among
ideas.
•
The development of ideas is sufficient because
the writer uses details and examples that are
specific and appropriate, adding some substances
to the essay.
The essay reflects some thoughtfulness. The
writer’s response to the prompt is original rather
than formulaic. The writer develops the essay in a
manner that demonstrates a good understanding
of the expository writing task.
•
The writer’s word choice is, for the most part, clear
and specific. It reflects an awareness of the
expository purpose and establishes a tone
appropriate to the task. The word choice usually
contributes to the quality and clarity of the essay.
Sentences are varied and adequately controlled,
for the most part contributing to the effectiveness
of the essay.
The writer demonstrates a partial command of
sentence boundaries and age-appropriate
spelling, capitalization, punctuation, grammar, and
usage conventions. Although some errors may be
evident, they create few(if any) disruptions in the
fluency of the writing, and they do not affect the
clarity of the essay.
•
•
•
•
Score Point 4
The organizing structure of the essay is clearly
appropriate to the purpose and responsive to the
specific demands of the prompt. The essay is
skillfully crafted because the writer uses
organizational strategies that are particularly well
suited to the expository task.
The writer establishes a clear central idea. All
ideas are strongly related to the central idea and
are focused on the topic specified in the prompt.
By sustaining this focus, the writer is able to
create an essay that is unified and coherent.
The writer’s progression is logical and well
controlled. Meaningful transitions and strong
sentence-to-sentence connections enhance the
flow of the essay by clearly showing the
relationships among ideas, making the writer’s
train of thought easy to follow.
The development of ideas is effective because the
writer uses details and examples that are
specified and well chosen, adding substance to
the essay.
The essay is thoughtful and engaging. The writer
develops the essay in a manner that
demonstrates a thorough understanding of the
expository writing task. The writer may choose to
use his/her unique experiences or view of the
world as a basis for writing or to connect ideas in
interesting ways.
The writer’s word choice is purposeful and
precise. It reflects a keen awareness of the
expository purpose and maintains a tone
appropriate to the task. The word choice strongly
contributes to the quality and clarity of the essay.
•
Sentences are purposeful, varied, and well
controlled, enhancing the effectiveness of the
essay.
•
The writer demonstrates a consistent command of
sentence boundaries and age-appropriate
spelling, capitalization, punctuation, grammar, and
usage conventions. Although minor errors may
be evident, they do not detract from the fluency of
the writing or the clarity of the essay. The overall
strength of the conventions contributes to the
effectiveness of the essay.
AISD Office of the Associate Superintendent ~ Revised October 7, 2011