SCREEN GRABBERS

Transcription

SCREEN GRABBERS

INSIDE:
fashion, food, home,
television &
travel pull-out
Sunday Times
Lifestyle Magazine
February 28 2016
SCREEN
GRABBERS
Alicia Vikander and
the new Oscar wave
The dangerous
art of the
acceptance
speech
What will
Chris Rock
say tonight?
Biggest magazine event!
catch Justin Bonello
at the Game stand.
Gallagher Estate 4-6 March
IN ASSOCIATION WITH
FEBRUARY 28 2016
PAGE 3
{ LS }
CONTENTS
4
6
SNORING AND WEEPING
Ndumiso Ngcobo sleeps his
way to the top
IT’S NOT WHAT YOU DO
A-lister Jen Su shares the
sweet smell of success
14
22
8
12
OSCAR CHASERS
LS cover star Alicia Vikander is one of
Hollywood’s newest, brightest young things
THE GRAM TOUR
See a different you on Instagram
28
34
HI, SEA
Paul Ash rides the waves from
Durban to Ilha de Moçambique
on the MSC Sinfonia
DEAD GIVERS
Oliver Roberts on the dignity of
body donors
GOLD IN THEM THAR PLAINS
Follow our map to the Karoo’s
greatest treasures
40
44
FASHION FIRST
Snapshots of Joburg’s
snappiest street style
… and how to get it
BOTTLE CLIMBERS
Would you spend a
million bucks on a
bottle of wine?
52
53
EAT MORE IN MAJORCA
Where Michelin restaurants rub
shoulders with tapas bars
46
49
NOTHING BUT THE
BIRD
Hein van Tonder does
five delicious things to a chicken
BOXING MATCH
Rebecca Davis is
knocked out cold by The
Big Bang Theory; Matthew Vice
presents this week’s TV guide
MOVIES
Sue de Groot reviews Room,
starring Oscar favourite Brie Larson
BOOKS
Out of Africa comes an exuberant
new short story collection
54
55
ART
The best of the Cape Town Art
Fair
BLACK HOLES & WHY THEY
MAT TER
The Pedant Class & Your Stars
LIFESTYLE EDITOR: Carlos Amato | FOOD EDITOR: Hilary Biller | MANAGING EDITOR: Sue de Groot | DESIGNERS: Keith Tamkei, Peta Scop, Gila Wilensky | SUBEDITORS: Anton Ferreira, Claire Robertson, Peta Scop | PROOFREADER:
Helen Smith | MOTORING: Thomas Falkiner | BOOKS: Jennifer Platt, Michele Magwood | WRITERS: Oliver Roberts, Shanthini Naidoo, Lin Sampson, Leigh-Anne Hunter, Pearl Boshomane | PICTURES: Aubrey Paton | PA Rhina Matjila |
ADVERTISING SALES: Debbie Thompson (011) 2803555 |FASHION EDITOR: Sharon Becker | ART DIRECTOR: Nicol Paterson |CONTRIBUTING FASHION EDITOR: Sheena Bagshawe |BEAUTY EDITOR: Tessa Passmore | COPY EDITOR:
Kholeka Kumalo | FASHION ASSISTANT: Khomotso Moloto | MANAGING EDITOR: Matthew McClure | ADVERTISING SALES: Tamsyn McCrow (011) 3409650| FASHION WEEKLY EDITORIAL: [email protected] |BEAUTY
EDITORIAL AND QUERIES: [email protected] | HOME EDITOR: Hasmita Amtha | EDITOR-IN-CHIEF: Kerry Hayes | DESIGNER: Gila Wilensky | SUBEDITOR: Joy Capon | WRITERS: Janine Jorgensen, Esther Moloi, Shereen Lurie
| ADVERTISING SALES: Marc Middlecote (011) 2803609, Christell Bisett (011) 2805450 | PUBLISHER: Aspasia Karras | COVER: Gallo Getty
THE PERFECT CUT
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PAGE 4
FEBRUARY 28 2016
{ HUMOUR & LETTERS }
I
WONDER how many people
saw the video clip released by
the White House the other
day. It shows President Barack
Obama and the First Lady Michelle
Obama meeting a bubbly, energetic
centenarian, Virginia McLaurin.
The entire time Michelle Obama
seems in awe of just how much energy 106-year-old McLaurin seems
to have.
All I was thinking the entire time
was: “I bet she has that much energy because she has spent more
than 35 years of her life sleeping.” I
know, I know. But of course it’s true
if she’s a “normal” human being
who slept an average of eight hours
a night most of her life.
Of course, at her age it wouldn’t
surprise me if she slept only four
hours a night. Life is truly a cycle,
’I just got here!
There’s so much to do!
Sun City, Disneyland,
the Eiffel Tower!’
isn’t it? When we’re children we expend inordinate amounts of energy
trying to fight sleep. That’s why infants wail when they’re dozing off.
It’s a sleep buzzer that means, “I
just got here! I don’t wanna sleep!
There’s so much to do: Sun City,
Disneyland, the Eiffel Tower!”
By the time you’re in a retirement village there’s a different reason you don’t sleep:“It’s almost
time to check out. Why should I
waste my last five years sleeping
when I could be up drinking cocoa
and playing ‘30 Seconds’ with the
pretty little thing with a walker
from Unit 13B?”
And yet between the early years
and the twilight years, we can’t wait
to get to bed. We complain bitterly
about not having enough sleep. We
spend a fortune on sleeping pills. If
you’ve ever logged on to Twitter,
Instagram or Facebook between
midnight and 5am, half the folks
are bitching about this monster
called Insomnia. The other half belong to the Sleep Police, asking daft
questions such as, “Do you ever
sleep at all?” without any sense of
irony about also being up.
The first time I discovered just
how precious sleep was, I was 12
years old and I had just been
shipped off to Catholic boarding
school in Vryheid. Like everything
else, sleep was rationed. At 9pm it
was lights out and at strictly 5am
you would hear the dreaded church
tower bell go “Gong! Gong!”, closely followed by a portable, miniature
version going “Tingleley!”. This bell
was in the hand of our head boy,
Cassius, who’d simultaneously
chirp, “Wake up, sleepy heads! You
think this is a hotel?”
I used to have daydreams about
seeing him just about to reach for
that annoying sleep interrupter,
standing there with a Stetson on my
head, matchstick in the corner of
my mouth and a 3.57 Magnum in
my hand, going, “Do you feel lucky
NDUMISO
NGCOBO
Heaven
looks
like this:
zzzzzzzzz
punk? Well, do ya? Go ahead —
make my day”.
One bitterly cold winter morning
in Grade 9 my friend Zama
Buthelezi was woken by the onset
of hypothermia. His covers must
have fallen off during the night. He
covered himself and just as he was
snuggling in, the tower bell sounded. As the then head boy, James,
tugged at his covers I heard Zama
go, “But I was robbed of sleep by
the blankets!”, to no avail.
I bet we’ve all experienced similar nights. You know those nights
when you toss and turn all night?
You keep your eyes closed tight in
the hope that you can hoodwink
your brain into believing that it’s
asleep. At 1am your bed mate (and
I’m not naming names here) starts
snoring louder than a goods train
bringing coal from Emalahleni. At
3am you hear the dogs howling at
the moon. At 4am you hear one of
the kids go to the bathroom, return
to bed and immediately start snoring and you curse the lucky bugger.
At around 5.45am, you doze off into
the most beautiful, deep sleep. And
then the alarm clock goes at 6 because it’s time to prepare the wellrested kids for school.
The flip-side is, of course, those
nights you sleep so peacefully that
you wake up thinking it must be 6
o’clock only to discover — yippee!
— it’s 4am and you have another
two hours to go.
I bet there are people reading
who just cannot identify. Everybody surely knows those irritating
people who can sleep on demand. I
went to school with a guy called
Vuyo who could sleep any time,
anywhere. One morning the fellows
lifted his bed with him sleeping on
it and dumped it outside in the
forecourt of the dormitories in -3°C
weather. All he did was cover his
head with his blankets and continue purring contentedly like an
overfed Siamese tomcat.
But I know one situation that
turns even the worst insomniac into a bona fide sleepyhead: university exam time. During that two- to
three-week period, as soon as you
sit down at your study desk, your
head just wants to rest on your
arms. I remember walking around
like a zombie fantasising about
how, as soon as I wrote my last paper at noon, I’d be going straight to
bed. Come the day, I’d be that guy
playing snooker and guzzling Castle Lagers until 4am.
I cannot wait until I’m 106 years
old and I don’t need to sleep more
than five hours a day. This sleeping
my way through one-third of my
life is not fun. Recently, after a typically difficult, insomniac night I finally dozed off around 6am. At
7.30am I was woken by a missed call
from the fellow who does the garden. I got up, got dressed, went to
open for him, chatted to him for a
while about pruning the bushes
I cannot wait until I’m
106 and I don’t need to
sleep more than five
hours a day
next to the bathroom window,
handed him the gate remote and
went back to bed. Two minutes later, I was woken up by a missed call
from him. He was still outside waiting for me to open for him. The
getting-up sequence had occurred
in my dreams after I’d fallen asleep
again. LS
E-mail [email protected]
On Twitter @NdumisoNgcobo
LETTERS
PRODUCT SAFETY RECALL
The model (SRI or IR3010)
and serial number can be
found at the rear of the
heater as highlighted below.
WOMAN’S MAN’S MAN
Ndumiso Ngcobo’s column
“So I’m coming out — of the
cave” (February 21) refers. At
last! A “real man” that can
admit to enjoying chick flicks.
My husband of 41 years, who
is the epitome of a man’s
man — rough-and-ready farm
boy, rugby player of note in
his younger years, etcetera,
has always preferred watching
romantic comedies to “skiet
and donder” movies. I have
always considered myself
truly fortunate that my best
friend is happy to watch my
movies with me. — Liz Finlay
De’Longhi SRI and IR3010
Flue-less Gas-fired Heaters
SRI - 30321, 30221, 31021, 45022, 50422,
50423, 50923, 51823.
IR3010 - 25220, 31021, 31121, 50723.
Defect: Gas leakage where PVC hose is
inserted into regulator nozzle.
Hazard: Risk of fire, explosion and suffocation.
What to do: Stop using the heater. Close it off at
gas bottle tap. Call the contact centre to arrange
a free repair by a specialised technician.
J0382
CONTACT DETAILS FOR MORE INFORMATION:
Tel: 0860 10 55 56 (share call number)
Email: [email protected] (requesting info or to be called back)
www.delonghi.com/en-za/customer-care (for FAQs)
SOUTH AFRICAN IMPORTER: Delonghi South Africa (Pty) Ltd
1295 Clubhouse Street, Maraisburg, Johannesburg, 1709, South Africa. Tel: +27 11 474 0153
ISSUED: 13/01/2016
This includes all De’Longhi gas-fired heater
models SRI and IR3010, sold between 2013
and 2015, with following serial numbers:
CATHARTIC ART
Percy Mabandu’s piece on
Mandla Mlangeni “Sound of
Survival” (February 21) was a
fine piece of writing, and
reminded me of all the other
children of SA’s struggle —
orphaned or exiled — who
have excelled in the arts.
Jann Turner, now a top movie
director in the US, is the
daughter of the activist Rick
Turner, who was assassinated
in the 1970s. The New Yorkbased rapper Jean Grae is the
daughter of Abdullah Ibrahim
and Sathima Bea Benjamin,
while the LA rapper Earl
Sweatshirt is the son of the
poet Keorapetse Kgositsile.
There are probably other
examples. It seems political
trauma can inspire a creative
life. — Hlubi Gama
MISSING PRINCE
What have you done with
Prince Valiant? I have been
following the Prince since I
could read — I am now 66
years old — so have read
more than a couple of
episodes. Please give back the
Prince and reconsider the
format of the various
subsections. — Barry Snow,
Midrand
ý Editor’s note: Our apologies
for the loss of Prince Valiant —
due to space constraints we
cannot publish the strip in our
new format. But fans can
continue to follow the saga
online at comicskingdom.com/
prince-valiant.
Write to
[email protected]
WITH DIAMONDS
PAGE 6
FEBRUARY 28 2016
{ SOCIALITE }
set her mind, again, to fitting in. “I’m
what you call a banana. Yellow on
the outside, white in the middle.”
Visiting the post-cultural revolution China of the ’80s, on the other
hand, she felt like a “freak Martian”.
Her piano recital in Shanghai was
flawless. “And then it ended and
there was silence.” Shocked, she ran
off the stage in tears.
Many times she was berated for
her outbursts — a major loss of face
for her family. “Today if you meet
me . . . you can be sure you’ll get . . .
a cheery smile . . . even when I want
to burst.” She does not want to disappoint her dead father, who was a
successful doctor. “I believe his soul
is up there watching.”
Last year Jen Su nearly died from
uterine fibroids. “The non-stop
bleeding” presented a quandary:
what to wear to the South African
MINI-mini-skirted Jen
Su teeters into the
Joburg coffee shop juggling a tower of drycleaned couture outfits.
“Peta says I can keep the sparkly
dress,” she says on the phone
(stores practically beg her to wear
their clothes).
“I a-ttend five events in a day eas-ily,” the socialite and red-carpet
reporter tells me, enunciating each
syllable in that way some Americans have when addressing nonAmericans. “I had to turn down a
private dinner with Prince Harry. I
do. Not. Stop.”
Jen Su is as groomed as a show
horse (I picture her lying very still
at night so as not to smudge her
makeup). I have dried butternut
from baby’s breakfast in my hair.
“When you’re looking good, people assume you are somebody,” she
says. I venture that perhaps the title
A
‘I don’t want to ruin it
for myself by instantly
telling people I’m
married with two kids’
‘I had to turn down a
private dinner with
Prince Harry.
I do. Not. Stop.’
of her book, released last year, From
Z to A-lister: How to Build Your Personal Brand, might unsettle us Clisters. She waves a manicured
hand. It’s just a “figure of speech”,
she says. “Never overlook the little
people. Photographers, car guards,
assistants.”
Tinseltown is a moral quagmire.
She’s had to fend off “A-list celebrities, even a female A-lister, who
wanted to kiss me in the toilet. I
admit there was a certain thrill
about a world-famous hot actor
whispering his hotel room number.” You’re telling me. The number
of times I’ve had to fend off Angelina Jolie in the ladies’ room.
Sometimes she refers to herself
in the third person. “Jen Su”, a carefully conceived brand, is militant
about helping others create their
own. It’s More. Important. Than.
Ever. “Think of yourself as McDonald’s,” she says. “Do you want to be
the most popular restaurant? Do
you want to have high quality food?
Big portions?”
Can we really base our happiness
on something as transitory as fame?
“There’s nothing wrong with a bit
of me, me, me,” she says. It’s not
narcissism. What she most enjoys is
the “platform” that notoriety gives
her to do charity work. “I love this
country.” Some of her best friends
are South African.
Does it seem a bit futile that one
can dedicate one’s life to building
the perfect McBrand, and people
don’t like you anyway? “People love
to hate,” she says. It’s only natural,
she says, to envy her glamorous
YOU SCHMOOZE,
YOU CAN’T LOSE
Socialite Jen Su tells Leigh-Anne Hunter
about the frenetic life of an A-lister
Photograph: Moeketsi Moticoe
lifestyle. “What girl wouldn’t want
to play dress-up every night?”
There’s a bit of melted cheese on
the corner of her mouth. It’s the
most endearing thing about her.
But maybe I’m just riddled with envy. “I land and I’m already running
off to do a photo shoot,” she says,
devouring her sandwich. “It’s hard
when you’re in the A-list game and
trying to keep it up all the time.”
Her hobby: “I like to sit quietly in
the dark.”
South Africans are as mean
about self-promoting people as we
are about wussy wallflowers. Truth
is we’re just as vain. We just haven’t
made it our job.
“She’d attend the erection of a
stop sign,” some have said. Jen Su:
“I laugh it off. Every event has
brought me opportunities. What
have they been doing? Drinking in
the corner until they pass out. You
don’t have to be average. You can be
excellent.” She stabs the table with
a perfect nail.
As a child — a “nerdy kid in
glasses and braces” — she practised
piano for six hours a day until her
fingers bled. “I had this desire for
accomplishment and perfection. By
the time I was eight, I was memorising the most complex piano
concertos.” Now she uses her
“Prestik brain” to memorise VIP
lists. Yes, “there is some enjoyment” in going from class nerd to
the social pages.
She started her career as a Taiwan pop star, under the heel of a
draconian
grooming
school.
Friends died of cocaine overdoses.
The “constant need to look good”
— “I have good karma with models,
mainly because I am no competition” — and fit in with the fast
crowd led to eating disorders. “All I
wanted to do was put on my black
plexiglass vest and silver rollerball
shoes, and get the hell out of
there.”
Her family emigrated to the US,
where Jen Su was raised in a
Philadelphia burb. “Everybody was
like, who’s this Chinese family moving in? There was this concern.” She
Music Awards that wouldn’t reveal
the blood stains. Finally, she settled
on the green dress. “Luckily I made
it through the red carpet without a
hitch.”
She has strategies to stay ahead.
“I don’t want to ruin it for myself by
instantly telling people I’m married
with two kids,” she says. “Talk
about shooting yourself in the foot.
You’ve got all these single 20-yearolds competing for the same jobs.
[And] cyber-bullies attack your
family.”
Her sons Sammy and Michael (13
and 10) live in China because she
wants them to learn Mandarin. “It’s
very difficult. I miss my kids.” She
pauses, looks at the table.
She’s experienced “heavy depression”. She says it’s a result of
the “humiliation” she experiences
every time she is uprooted to follow
her corporate bigwig husband (for
whom she converted to Judaism).
She talks about getting onto “The
List” in every country that she lives
in as if it’s scaling Everest.
“The hardest part was going
from A-list to Z-list and back and
forth. I thought, ‘Am I mad to do
this?’ ” She sighs. “When my husband said we’re moving to South
Africa, I cried.” When she arrived
she was told: “I don’t know where
you’re going to find a job. There are
no Chinese faces on TV.”
Her five events a night (she has
her outfit for the next one in her car
boot) keep depression at bay. “I’ve
thought about my own funeral and
how I would want to be remembered, what music would be
played.”
She’ll make sure it’s perfect. LS
FIVE THINGS TO CATCH
ý E-mail event dates to [email protected]
Pretoria & Limpopo Ballet
Korean youth ballet
Brooklyn Theatre, Pretoria,
March 1 & 2; Ballet in the Bush
at Legend Gold & Safari Lodge
in Limpopo, March 4 & 5
Featuring star dancer Leroy
Mokgatle with the Art of Motion
company and the Korean Youth
Ballet Stars. Highlights from
ballet classics include La Sylphide
and Don Quixote. Bookings
012 460 6033/012 443 6700.
Cape Town Theatre
The Kingmakers
The Fugard Theatre Studio,
February 23 - March 19
Louis Viljoen’s award-winning
“pitch black” political comedy
follows a group of oppositionparty strategists as they attempt
to place a neutral party member
in contention for leadership.
Starring Pierre Malherbe, Rebecca
Makin-Taylor and Brent Palmer.
R130-R150 Computicket.
Joburg Art
From Giyani to Alexandra
– the journey continues
Circa Gallery, March 3 - April 16
Early in the conceptualising of the
exhibition, Phillemon Hlungwani
made an extraordinary decision:
he resolved to make two versions
of each work with the exhibition
in the Cape being a mirror image
of the Gauteng show. The etchings
are hand-coloured by the artist and
printed by Pontsho Sikhosana.
Durban Music
T.I.
Durban Botanic Gardens,
March 11
The hip-hop sensation and
multiple Grammy award-winning
artist will perform tracks from a
variety of his Studio Albums. T.I
has collaborated with Jay Z,
Rihanna, Robin Thicke, Lil
Wayne, Lady Gaga, Drake and
Kanye West. Bring a picnic
basket. R350-R1 450 Computicket.
Wakkerstroom Festival
Wakkerstroom Music Festival
March 18 - 21
The hills come alive with
classical music for the sixth
consecutive year of the festival in
this picturesque town, which this
year includes an art exhibition
and classical ballet performed by
the Youth Dance Company
Tshwane. Online bookings are
open at wmfestival.co.za. For
details, [email protected]
THE COPPER SALMON
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With Les Da Chef carefully crafting this month’s African inspired menu and Negritude lending his unique artistic design,
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PAGE 8
FEBRUARY 28 2016
{ OSCARS }
T
HE envelope has
been opened, the
winner is at the
microphone, and
the world is
watching. It’s
amazing how terribly wrong the
next three or four minutes at
Oscar ceremonies can go, and
remarkable how often actors —
paid to sound convincing when
reciting other people’s words —
can seem disastrously fake when
delivering their lines, or forget
who they’re meant to thank, or
just don’t know when to stop.
The sheer duration of these
monologues has become such an
issue that a new ruling requires
nominees to list who they wish to
thank in advance, so that the
winner’s list of names will scroll
up on screen rather than using up
valuable stage time. Finding the
right formula to sail through, and
not be the one everyone cringes
at on YouTube the next day, has
defeated many a beloved celebrity,
but by no means all of them. Here
we present our guide to the dos
and don’ts of Oscar acceptance
speeches.
Do
Self-deprecate winningly
Sandra Bullock, Best Actress,
2010
The film was The Blind Side, a
fairly gross critical punch-bag.
Bullock, riding a season of “we
love Sandra Bullock in general”
momentum, knew how to turn
the situation around on stage.
“Did I really earn this, or did I
just wear y’all down?” were her
first, perfectly chosen words; the
day before, she’d also had the wit
to show up at the Razzies,
collecting her worst actress award
for All About Steve and pretending
to be mighty cross about it. There
was warmth and sincerity to the
speech, too. “This is a once-in-alifetime experience, I know,” she
said, and had sweet things to say
about mothers, especially her
own, Helga — a mention bringing
her right to the brink of Gwynethstyle waterworks, but she fought
them off.
Spontaneously make
out with Halle Berry
Adrien Brody, Best Actor, 2003
Brody might be the only one on
this list who delivered a legitimate
shock on the night: prior to him
SHORT AND SWEET:
Elizabeth Taylor with
her Oscar for best
actress in 'BUtterfield
8' in 1961
Picture: GETTY IMAGES
How to give the perfect
Oscar acceptance speech
Sincerity and wit make for happy podium moments, but ego, incipient hysteria
and guff serve only to keep YouTube fired up the next day. By Tim Robey
fuel the following year, when he
was handing the best actress
trophy to Charlize Theron: before
opening the envelope he whipped
out a breath-freshener spray.
Show them some class
Colin Firth, Best Actor, 2011
“I have a feeling my career’s just
peaked,” announced Firth,
cupping the award for The King’s
Speech. If you ever need lessons in
how to downplay a moment of
great professional achievement,
barely looking any more ruffled
than someone at a supermarket
checkout, Firth’s your man.
Pausing often for dramatic effect,
he spoke of “stirrings in the upper
abdominals, threatening to form
winning, discussion was all about
Jack Nicholson in About Schmidt
or Daniel Day-Lewis in Gangs of
New York. There was no doubting
Brody’s own delight — the 29year-old bounded on stage like an
elated puppy, and planted a big
smackeroo right on the lips of a
very sporting Halle Berry. This
had the instant effect of eclipsing
anything he actually said. It was
the kind of goofy, off-the-cuff
moment the Oscars always needs
more of, and it gave Brody great
themselves into dance moves”,
while standing just as stock-still
as Firth always does. Add his
checklist of thank-yous to
everyone who’d ushered him to
this point — including a gracious
nod to A Single Man’s director
Tom Ford, who’d got him
nominated the year before — and
it was a masterclass in suave
humility.
Steer clear of politics
John Wayne, collecting for
Gary Cooper, 1953
The shadow of Senator Joe
McCarthy’s anti-communist witchhunts hung over the 1953
ceremony. Cooper wasn’t present
to accept his second best actor
Oscar, for playing the beleaguered
sheriff in High Noon, so his old
buddy Wayne stepped up to
collect, despite his public dislike
for the film, written by avowed
communist (and blacklistee) Carl
Foreman. In private, Wayne
thought High Noon was “the most
un-American thing I’ve seen in
my whole life”. To his eternal
credit, he ducked away from
point-scoring on stage and
delivered a very dry address about
envy. “I’m gonna go back and find
my business manager, and agent,
and producer, and three-name
writer,” he said, “and find out
why I didn’t get High Noon
instead of Cooper. Cause I can’t
fire any of these very expensive
fellows, but I can at least run my
1930s Chevrolet into one of their
big black new Cadillacs.”
Deadpan unbeatably
through your best joke
Daniel Day-Lewis, Best Actor,
2013
Day-Lewis, the most feted male
film actor of his generation, could
have kept things very simple for
his third best actor win, in
Spielberg’s Lincoln, but he had
Be Elizabeth Taylor
Elizabeth Taylor, Best Actress
1961
A near-fatal brush with
pneumonia, an emergency
tracheotomy weeks before the
ceremony, a town on tenterhooks:
the story of Taylor’s ill-health in
the lead-up to her first best
actress win is more legendary
than anything in the film she won
for, BUtterfield 8, the tragic tale of
a Manhattan call-girl. And Taylor’s
tremulous acceptance was an
even better performance than the
one she turned in for the film,
convincing everyone in the crowd
they’d done absolutely the right
thing to give her the prize, and it
had the all-important virtue of
brevity. “I don’t really know how
to express my gratitude for this
and for everything,” she began. “I
guess all I can do is say thank
you. Thank you with all my
heart.” And walked off.
one delightful riff concealed
perfectly up his sleeve. He was
receiving the award from Meryl
Streep, best actress the year
before for The Iron Lady, and
started with earnest thanks, even
a hint of moisture behind the
eyes. “It’s a strange thing,” he
went on, turning slightly in
Streep’s direction, “because three
years ago, before we decided to do
a straight swap, I had actually
FEBRUARY 28 2016
ROCK HARD
How will Chris Rock deal
with the Oscar whiteout?
WHEN Chris Rock hosted the 77th
Academy Awards there were five
black nominees — Jamie Foxx
(nominated twice), Morgan
Freeman, Don Cheadle and
Sophie Okonedo — prompting
Rock to call the show the “Def
Oscar Jam”.
Wonder what he will call
tonight’s all-white-nominees
event?
Rock had other targets
back in 2005, including
“Spider-Man” star Tobey
Maguire (“Clint
Eastwood is a star, OK?
Tobey Maguire is just a
boy in tights.”) and the
been committed to play Margaret
Thatcher.” No one saw it coming,
least of all Streep, and everyone
laughed, most of all Streep. Trust
us, it’s plain sailing through the
rest of your speech after a coup
like that. There’s a reason DayLewis has three Oscars, after all.
Don’t
Offer everyone
surprise sex
Robert Benigni, Best Foreign
Film and Best Actor 1998
Loving your fellow man is all very
well, but it’s grim when Oscar
winners assume their coronation
was the result of some global
popularity contest. Benigni
clambered over half the rows in
the auditorium when Sophia
Loren read out his name for Life Is
Beautiful, performed a ridiculous
series of frog-jumps up the steps,
and wore us all out before he’d
even uttered a word — and that
was even before he won for best
actor as well. “I want to be
rocketed by the waves of your
beauty,” he told Loren, before
going even more Italian with the
metaphorical overload — was it
an ocean or a hailstorm of
generosity before him? Was
everyone’s love really a mountain
of snow? He declared he wanted
to “be Jupiter, kidnap everyone
and make love to you all” — a bit
much, no, Roberto? Infectious
enthusiasm is one thing, but let’s
not convert it into an STD.
{ OSCARS }
prolific Jude Law (“He’s in
everything. Even the movies he’s
not acting in.”).
His long-winded rumination on
“The Passion of the Christ”,
culminating in a lame punchline
about Jude Law being able to get
into clubs more easily than Mel
Gibson or Jesus, horrified Oprah
Winfrey, and Time magazine named
Rock one of the top 10 worst
awards-show hosts to date.
Hopefully he will be funnier
this time, but it is unlikely he
will be more diplomatic. Rock
has not given away any
of the subjects at
which he will be taking
aim tonight, but he did
tweet a photograph of
himself in a white
Nasa spacesuit,
captioned: “Getting my
outfit ready.” LS
the Kevin Kline comedy In & Out
(1997).
Go overboard
with the hubris
James Cameron, Best Director,
1998
Everything was going just fine in
the early moments of Cameron’s
speech — you wouldn’t exactly
call it inspired, but he ticked off
all the necessary thank-yous to
cast and crew members, gave a
hearty shout-out to his parents,
and even got a laugh gesturing
sheepishly out of the auditorium
to wherever Leonardo DiCaprio
was stewing over his lack of a
nomination. In a trice, it all came
crashing down with Cameron’s
closing gambit — you can almost
see it in his eyes, the knowledge
that he’s about to make an
almighty fool of himself, but
nothing was stopping him now.
“I’m the king of the world!” he
yelped out, Leo-style,
compounding a painful lack of
grace with the fratboy whooping
sounds afterwards, as he thrust
his Oscar skywards. Rewatching
now, it’s a peek-through-yourhands moment of purest
hilarious, cringing horror.
TWENTY-SOMEBODIES
The dust-storm swirling around the Academy Awards has not
dimmed the glow of Hollywood’s newest ingénues, all hoping for
gold tonight. Sue de Groot introduces the three young graces
Alicia Vikander
Brie Larson
The dark-eyed Swede on our
cover, now 27 and dating
Michael Fassbender, planned to
become a ballet dancer but
won her first best actress
award (Sweden’s equivalent to
the Oscar, a beetle statuette
called a Guldbagge) for Pure in
2009. Since then she has
played Anna Karenina (after
the part was turned down by
Saoirse Ronan), mastered
Danish to play Queen Caroline
Mathilde in A Royal Affair,
become a robot in Ex Machina
and a half-witch in Seventh
Son. She is nominated for best
supporting actress for her role
as painter Gerda Wegener in
The Danish Girl, although the
“supporting” bit is mystifying
given that her fiery
performance almost eclipsed
co-star Eddie Redmayne’s.
Larson is the youngest student
to date to have attended the
American Conservatory Theatre
school in San Francisco (she was
six). Now 26, Larson has
notched up a long string of
acting credits while
simultaneously pursuing a
music career — she won her
first recording contract with
Universal Records on the
strength of a demo tape at
the age of 13. She is the
odds-on favourite to win
this year’s best actress Oscar
for her wrenching
performance as escaped
captive Joy Newsome in
Room (see review on
page 52).
Crumple entirely
for four minutes
Gwyneth Paltrow, Best Actress,
1999
Paltrow is credited with bringing
pink back into fashion with her
Ralph Lauren taffeta gown, but
one thing she did not bring back
into fashion was crying like a
Saoirse
Ronan
She is 21 and her name is pronounced “Seersha”. She was born in the Bronx in New York,
grew up in County Carlow, Ireland, and
received her first Oscar nomination at the age
of 13 for her role as Briony Tallis in the 2007
film adaptation of Ian McEwan’s novel
Atonement. Punters predict a close race
between Ronan and Brie Larson for tonight’s
best actress Oscar. Ronan is nominated for
playing Irish immigrant Ellis (pronounced
“Ay-lish”) Lacey in the film adaptation of
Colm Tóibín’s love story Brooklyn.
Out your old
drama teacher
Tom Hanks, Best Actor, 1994
Anyone who thought Philadelphia
was a wee bit overwritten needs
to get a load of Hanks’s first best
actor speech, which makes the
film’s script sound like
Hemingway. “The streets of
heaven are too crowded with
angels,” he declared at the end
about those lost to Aids, before
gilding the lily with some guff
about the “healing embrace that
cools their fevers, clears their
skin”, and the “simple, selfevident, common-sense truth
made manifest by the benevolent
creator of us all”. It was a
textbook example of trying too
hard. He’d already gone off the
deep end by celebrating his old
teacher, Rawley Farnsworth, as
one of the “finest gay Americans”
he’d ever known — a surprise to
everyone in Farnsworth’s home
town of Oakland, from which he’d
concealed his sexuality for years.
This unplanned outing inspired
PAGE 9
baby right the way through one’s
Oscar moment. In all fairness to
the overcome star, who has got a
lot of stick for this speech over
the years, she seems humbled and
truly grateful, and it’s touching at
times to watch her so helplessly
overpowered by emotion — the
tears start the moment her name
is read out, and continue as she
lists every last member of the
Paltrow clan, including her late
cousin. It’s just cumulatively a bit
exasperating that she couldn’t
have pulled it together a little
more. No one looks their best
when blubbing quite this
unstoppably. — © The Daily
Telegraph, London
SA’S HOPE
(SORT OF)
WITH its jaw-dropping battle scenes,
“Mad Max: Fury Road” is tipped to
sweep the technical Oscars tonight.
And its director, George Miller, credits
his wife, South African-born editor
Margaret Sixel, pictured, for its
success.
Sixel, who grew up and studied in
Australia, is up for best achievement in
film editing, after already winning a
slew of awards including a Bafta and a
Critics Choice. Miller, who is up for best
director for the movie, says Sixel
brought a distinctive eye to the film.
Sixel and Miller developed a working
relationship (as well as a personal one)
after meeting on the set of an
Australian miniseries. She edited his
previous films “Happy Feet” and “Babe”.
For “Mad Max: Fury Road", Sixel was
given 470 hours of footage to edit,
which she worked on for two years to
distil from them the film’s 120 minutes
of mayhem.
Miller says Sixel’s role was amplified
by the lack of dialogue to drive the
story: “The film was like a massive
Rubik’s Cube to put together, and she
was able to pull it off.”
— Nadia Neophytou
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FEBRUARY 28 2016
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PAGE 14
FEBRUARY 28 2016
{ ANATOMY & MUSIC }
UNDER A SHROUD: Wits medical students at the cadaver dedication ceremony, held each year in honour of those who have donated their bodies to science
W
E tend to forget what’s
under the skin. We’re
interacting with one
another all the time,
passing each other in the street,
loving some, making love to others
— that actual wanting of someone
else’s body, the desire for it. Bodies
with skin and nails and eyes and
hair. We are defined by this skin, by
having this renewable sheath that
covers everything that goes on inside us and makes us recognisable
as human.
Then suddenly the strange surprise when we see a model of the
skeleton or page through a book
showing our muscles and organs.
As formed beings, we work and
sleep and laugh and run and cry
and have memories, we’re structured and featured, but all the while
we’re also these biological entities,
processing and metabolising, decaying. All the secret administrations of our inner-body, this autonomous thing that we carry with
us forever, concealed from the very
owner’s view.
This morning I’m in a room with
about 40 dead bodies. They’re covered with white plastic sheets but
even if you didn’t know they were
bodies you would know they were
bodies because of that unmistakable gradient from head to toe, the
way you’ve seen your lover or your
child asleep beneath a duvet.
There are several fans in the
room, spinning at full pelt. This is to
cover the smell of formaldehyde
and other chemicals that get used
to stop a dead body doing what it
wants to do. But the fans aren’t really helping. It’s a strong smell, but
it’s not terrible. If anything it’s kind
of clean. It’s what the smell actually
means that brings on a little coldness, a sprinkle of nausea.
This is called a dissection hall.
The way of all flesh
At the start of each academic year, the School of Anatomical
Sciences at Wits University holds a ceremony to
honour those who have given their bodies to science.
Oliver Roberts attends and feels the stillness
Photograph: Raymond Preston
Dissection. Dissect. Something
about the double-esses is like an
incision, s for slice, ect for the
weight of flesh, then di. On the
walls are artsy anatomical diagrams, probably to try and ease the
anxiety, to remind you that you’re
here because bodies are interesting.
There’s a drawing of a skeleton at
some sort of podium, his bony hand
resting on another skull, pondering. Row upon row upon row of
fluorescent tubes on the ceiling,
buzzing. There really are a lot of
fans. On tables. Bolted to the wall.
The bodies lie on metal beds (or
Today is probably
the biggest lesson
they’ll have. Your
teacher is dead
tables?) that are slightly aslant and
have a drain by the feet and a bucket beneath because embalming
can’t get every drop of fluid out.
Today is just one day for me. I get
to wear a lab coat and pretend I’m
some kind of professor because I’m
too old to be a student so people are
looking at me like I must be part of
the faculty.
SULA IZINYEMBEZI
Sibongile Khumalo
T
HE first time I heard
Sibongile Khumalo perform live, I was scoffing a
French polony sandwich and
washing it down with Oros. It was
one of those dreadful days when
“growing up in a musical family”
wasn’t a catch-phrase answer in an
interview. It was on this hot day
somewhere in the then Transvaal
ONE TRACK, MINED
Today is just one day for me. But
for the second-year medical students starting to stream in now, it’s
a year, it’s the rest of their lives.
Collectively they’re known as
ANAT2020 — anatomy, class of
2020 at the School of Anatomical
Sciences at the University of the
Witwatersrand. Today they’re going
to take the Anatomy creed and sign
the Anatomy Register before they
commence dissection.
They cover the faces of the dead
with a sheet for the first couple of
weeks until the students get used to
the idea of the body actually belonging to a human.
The students keep coming in. Today is probably the biggest lesson
they’ll ever have. Your teacher is
dead, that’s what. For a whole year
this person right here, with their
ever-so-slightly plasticine edge and
half-open eyes, is going to be lecturing you. You don’t want to look
at the face for the first few weeks.
The first students that come in
head straight for the walls. They
stand with their backs pressed
against the walls to create as much
distance as possible from the bodies. The later you are, the greater
your chance of having to actually sit
right near one of the bodies, sense
its mass and gravity.
at a choral competition. At that
age I thought such competitions
were a dreadful way to spend one’s
weekend. I still do.
Needless to say, I was not in the
most receptive of moods when
Khumalo appeared for a showcase
performance. Through no fault of
her own, it has taken a tremendous amount of time for me not to
associate her music with soggy
sandwiches, boiled eggs and
chocolate éclairs.
Everyone is trying to make conversation. Stuff about what happened at some pub on the weekend
or how so-and-so was seen kissing
so-and-so in the halls or where is he
or she, no she must have dropped
out. People are giggling even, possibly at a nervous quip but probably
at nothing. Anything to cover up
what’s in front of them because
what do you say in a room full of
dead bodies? You don’t talk about
it. I mean, the dead here, they’re
already invisible.
They’ve got to do this. A ceremony for those who have not only
‘Think about their
beauty and the fact
that they were
created so perfectly’
died — that’s one thing — but have
agreed — requested — to be embalmed and placed on a metal slab
with a bucket underneath so that
they can be opened up and examined, have things extracted from
them, all the in-built perfection of
their fibres and nerves divided and
scrutinised. For a whole year they’ll
lie here, in this room, covered then
I am glad that I persisted. Sula
Izinyembezi on Khumalo’s latest
album offers both consolation and
a reward for my efforts.
To this day, my mother has not
completely forgiven me for not being able to sing. It would be nice if,
on her next album, Khumalo
could address this issue on my behalf and for all of those who grew
up in choral music families but
have to lip-synch at family gatherings. — Setumo-Thebe Mohlomi
uncovered, complete then incomplete. At night the fans will stop and
all those tubes of light will be
switched off and they’ll all of them
lie in the dark, uncontrollably static, strangers sharing one another’s
deaths in the quiet.
At the end of the year the families get the ashes. This morning,
people keep saying, “It’s just a shell.
It’s just a shell.” Also, “The smell’s
not as bad as I thought.” All those
slopes beneath the white plastic
sheets. Head-to-toe. Toe-to-head.
Then we rise. Silence for the procession of the med faculty as it enters the room. Silence for the first
time and now you can’t avoid it.
Total silence for two minutes.
“Without these bodies, without
these cadavers that we are honouring today, your studies of medicine
and anatomy would not be possible.” Professor Maryna Steyn, head
of the School of Anatomical Sciences, is speaking. “Please take
time to think about the body in
front of you and all the bodies in
this hall. Think about their beauty
and the fact that they were created
so perfectly. Never forget that these
individuals were once living,
breathing individuals; that last
year, by the time you were probably
writing your mid-year exams, many
of them would still have been walking the streets, sharing loves and
laughter, sharing lives with their
families and having loved ones that
will miss them dearly.”
The cadaver is their first patient.
They must be covered when they’re
not being worked on. Most of the
people in this room are not even 20
years old. When you’re 20 you think
you can’t die.
Steyn tells the students it’s an
opportunity to explore their own
humanness. Then the students
stand and collectively read The Student’s Creed.
“I stand humbly before the bodily remains of those who will enable
us to complete our journey of learning and exploration,” it goes, “and
solemnly declare that I will at all
times respect their dignity and value their contribution to my professional development.”
So many voices that the air vibrates a little, a final touch of movement in the stillness unending.
• For information on body donation
go to www.anatomysa.co.za or
http://www.wits.ac.za/anatomicalsciences/become-a-bodydonor/
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For more BIG deals, visit makro.co.za
Unless we state a specific limitation, Makro will attempt to have sufficient advertised stock available to meet consumers’ anticipated demands. If we still run out of stock, we will attempt to obtain the stock or we will offer you a reasonable alternative In an attempt to satisfy
the demand of the majority of customers, limited quantities per customer might apply. Makro Account Disclaimer *Includes interest @ 24.85% p.a, excludes service fees & compulsory insurance. ** Includes interest @ 24.85% p.a, service fees & compulsory insurance.
All prices are indicative and actual repayments may vary based on account activity. NCRCP 38/FSP 44481.
makro.co.za
8kg Smart Drive Front Load Washer
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Get your own Makro card today! Simply apply online @ www.makro.co.za | call 0860 300 999 | sms “makro card” to 31144 | visit your nearest Makro store
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include 14% VAT. Makro Account Disclaimer *Includes interest @ 24.85% p.a, excludes service fees & compulsory insurance.
** Includes interest @ 24.85% p.a, service fees & compulsory insurance. All prices are indicative and actual repayments may vary
based on account activity. NCRCP 38/FSP 44481.
10/16. 390 x 261 Makro DTP KK MNAT5721
MAKE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS
A THING OF THE PAST
FINANCIAL YEAR END SALE
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of customers in the UK confirmed
a significant improvement in
sleep and reduction in pain from
the following conditions:
Arthritis Pain
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FOR A FREE BROCHURE
OR HOME DEMONSTRATION
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www.adjust4sleep.co.za
CALL US: 0800 242 343
PENDANT ALARM FOR SENIORS
A new potentially lifesaving product has recently been launched in South Africa, which will at the touch of a button, bring assistance to those who need it.
In an emergency, the user simply needs to press the button on the discreet pendant or wristband to activate the Bosch Carephone and immediately alert the
AidCall 24/7 response centre. Unlike other panic alarms, the AidCall response centre can communicate directly with the user through the Bosch Carephones
speaker and highly sensitive microphone. The technology built into the Bosch Carephone will automatically recognise who that person is, their medical history
and vitally, all the people that can be contacted to offer assistance, such as a relative, neighbour or friend.
IMMEDIATE RESPONSE IS GUARANTEED
Upon receiving a panic alarm, the response centre does not need to look up a telephone number, but can
immediately communicate through the Carephone. If the user is incapacitated and cant answer, the
pre-agreed list of people will be called by the AidCall response centre to notify them of the situation.
Furthermore, if the need arises AidCall 24/7 will despatch an ER24 ambulance to offer immediate medical
assistance.
VITAL SERVICE FOR SOUTH AFRICANS - The introduction of the AidCall 24/7 service, provides a vital link to
the members of our community who may feel worried about security, live in isolation, have a high risk medical
history, or are concerned about slipping or falling in their home and need to know that help can be summoned
should they need it.
STL 28/02/16
There for you when no-one else can be
There for them when you can’t be
Call us on 0800 911 247
For a FREE brochure or further information
or visit www.aidcall.co.za
KAROO RETAIL: FIND YOUR HIPPIE PLACE
Enjoy an all-inclusive^ cruising holiday with the specialists
Deal of the week
Portuguese Island & Ilha
de Mozambique
40%
on MSC Sinfonia
er 2016.
Departs Durban, 11 Novemb
Island, Ilha de
HIGHLIGHTS Portuguese
.
Mozambique and Durban
service and
WITH 24 hour dining & room
s.
port taxe
Interior from
Barcelona to Venice
7 nights
7 nights
INCLUDES
DRINKS
on Norwegian Epic
Departs Barcelona, 2 October 2016.
HIGHLIGHTS Naples, Pompeii, Rome,
Florence, Cannes, Barcelona and more.
SAVING
7 nights
Mediterranean Wonders
BONUS
CAN3034
R7890
*
CAN2778
on Vision of the Seas®
Departs Barcelona, 30 April 2016.
HIGHLIGHTS Cannes, Rome, Amalfi,
Catania, Venice and Barcelona.
Ultimate drinks package
worth $570.
Interior from
BONUS
R13690
R15995
R14490
*
Call direct
0877 40 5052
Open 7 days a week
7 nights on Costa Deliziosa, 1 night stay.
Departs Venice, 29 May 2016.
HIGHLIGHTS Bari, Corfu, Mykonos,
Santorini, Dubrovnik and Venice.
Saving of R3000 PLUS
a Cheers drinks package.
Interior from
Interior from
We are the Cruising Specialists.
Every port, every ship, every cabin.
Cruise Free Guarantee.
Free after-hours assistance.
Flights + 8 nights
on MSC Armonia
Departs Rome, 13 May 2016.
HIGHLIGHTS Genoa, Marseille, Mahon,
Cagliari, Valletta, Messina and Rome.
All cruises include meals & entertainment on board.
CAN2824
Turkey, Greece, Croatia
Flights + 7 nights
CAN2920
2nd passenger receives 50%
discount off the cruise fare only
(already included).
*
Western Mediterranean
BONUS
Book with
*
CAN2909
Interior from
cruiseaboutRSA
CruiseaboutSA
R23050 cruiseabout.co.za
*
*Cruise prices are per person sharing unless otherwise specified in South African Rand and are subject to limited availability. Advertised prices include any discount mentioned already. Book and pay before 4 March 2016 unless otherwise stated or sold out prior. Prices vary per cabin category and are subject to change until payment is made in full. Cruise line rules and regulations apply. Certain
cruise lines reserve the right to charge a fuel surcharge at any time should the need arise. All prices subject to currency fluctuations. Prices do not include airfare unless specified. Airfares where specified are ex JHB with limited seat availability, quoted per person, include approximate taxes and apply to economy class tickets except where stated. Prices correct at time of going to print on 24 February 2016 and are
based on specific departure dates. Ask your cruise consultant for more details. Visas and travel insurance are excluded. E and OE. Please refer to cruiseabout.co.za for more information on our Cruise Free Guarantee. ^ All cruise deals include all meals, selected drinks and entertainment on board.
MSC RAND
STRETCHER DEALS
SAVE UP TO
MSC RAND
STRETCHER DEALS
50%
R AND STRETCHER DEALS
AN AFFORDABLE ESCAPE FROM JUST R3000 PER PERSON
The Rand may have fallen, but that doesnt mean your local holidays are a thing of the past. MSC Cruises has
introduced the Rand Stretcher deals for an affordable escape from just R3000 per person and kids cruise free. This
is a limited offer that has been extended to the 4th of March 2016 with a limited number of cabins available.
MSC R AND STRETCHER DEALS
MSC Flamingo
MSC Shore Excursions
DATE
NTS
ITINERARY
INSIDE
FROM
OUTSIDE BALCONY
FROM
FROM
07 Mar '16
4
Durban, Maputo & Portuguese Island
R 3 100
R 3 500
SOLD OUT SOLD OUT
R 890
11 Mar '16
3
Durban, Portuguese Island
R 3 000
R 3 400
SOLD OUT SOLD OUT
R 730
14 Mar '16
4
Durban, 2 days at Portuguese Island
R 3 100
R 3 500
18 Mar '16
7
Durban, Portuguese Island & Ilha Mozambique
R 5 800
R 5 800
18 Apr '16
4
R 3 100
R 3 500
DATE
NTS
ITINERARY
INSIDE
FROM
OUTSIDE BALCONY
FROM
FROM
25 Mar '16
3
R 6 500
R 6 500
SOLD OUT SOLD OUT
R 730
28 Mar '16
4
SOLD OUT
R 8 200
SOLD OUT SOLD OUT
R 890
01 Apr '16
3
R 4 800
R 5 100
SOLD OUT
On request
R 730
04 Apr '16
4
R 6 200
R 6 200
SOLD OUT
R 8 700
R 890
08 Apr '16
3
R 4 450
R 4 450
SOLD OUT
R 8 100
R 730
11 Apr '16
4
R 4 650
R 4 750
SOLD OUT SOLD OUT
R 890
15 Apr '16
3
R 3 900
R 4 100
On request SOLD OUT
R 730
R 4 000
SUITE
FROM
R 4 350
SOLD OUT SOLD OUT
R 4 000
MANDATORY
CHARGES
R 890
R 1 160
R 4 350
R 890
SUITE
FROM
MANDATORY
CHARGES
New Improved Portuguese Island
2016-17 SEASON OPEN FOR SALE! BOOK NOW & SAVE UP TO 50%
DATE
Introducing myChoice Dining
OUTSIDE BALCONY
FROM
FROM
SUITE
FROM
MANDATORY
CHARGES
R 8 600
R 8 600
R 955
R 8 385
R 8 385
R 955
R 8 050
R 8 050
R 785
R 16 700
R 16 900
R 1 290
R 23 000 R 27 000 R 34 500 R 38 000
R 1 550
ITINERARY
05 Dec '16
4
R 5 650
R 5 650
12 Dec '16
4
R 6 000
R 6 200
16 Dec '16
3
R 6 200
R 6 500
19 Dec '16
7
26 Dec '16
11
Durban, Reunion & Mauritius
06 Jan '17
3
Durban to Cape Town
R 3 300
R 3 780
R 4 700
R 4 800
R 785
13 Jan '17
2
Cape Town, No Where
R 2 795
R 2 800
R 3 250
R 3 550
R 605
Durban, Portuguese Island & Ilha Mozambique R 12 250 R 14 000
15 Jan '17
5
Cape Town, Walvis Bay & Luderitz
R 5 600
R 5 850
R 7 300
R 8 350
R 1 040
23 Jan '17
4
Cape Town, Port Elizabeth, Durban
R 2 900
R 3 300
R 4 200
R 4 600
R 955
27 Jan '17
2
Durban, No Where
R 2 150
R 2 400
R 2 900
R 3 200
R 605
Contact your nearest ASATA Agent or
087 075 0882
INSIDE
FROM
NTS
msccruises.co.za
All rates are per person based on 2 people sharing a 2 berth cabin and subject to availability, foreign exchange and fuel cost uctuations. Rand Stretcher deals offer applies to selected departures. All cruise offers are capacity controlled
and offering selected cabins at a specic price in line with MSC Cruises Dynamic Pricing Policy. KIDS CRUISE FREE: Up to 2 children under 18 years, sharing a I2 or O2 cabin category with 2 adults, for Suites 2 children under 12
years & for balconies 1 child under 18 years, only paying the mandatory charges. 50% discount is capacity controlled and applicable to selected departures. Above cruise fares exclude mandatory port, service and insurance charges:
listed above. Single supplement applies and multiple berth cabins carry a surcharge. Promotions are not combinable with each other, but are combinable with MSC Voyagers Club discounts (except for Tandem).ST&Cs apply. E&OE.
VOICES
February 28 2016
21
Accidental
Tourist
With rooms rented by
the hour, love hotels
are ideal for some
much-needed nookie
NICKY FURNISS
APAN has a unique
perspective on matters of
the heart. In fact,
romance is so revered
there that the Japanese celebrate
not one but two Valentine’s Days
a year. On February 14, men get
spoilt by their lady loves with gifts
of chocolate. Though many hope
for a honmei-choco (chocolate of
love), most men will at least
receive a giri-choco (courtesy
chocolate) to ease the sting of
singledom. These acts of kindness
also have a strategic purpose
because come March 14, or White
Day, it’s the women’s turn.
Such is the sense of propriety in
Japan that, should you have
received a Valentine’s Day gift, it
would be shameful not to return
the favour a month later (clever
girls) — white chocolate,
marshmallows, jewellery and white
lingerie being the traditional gifts of
choice. Often the term sanbai gaeshi
(triple the return) comes into play,
which stipulates that the reciprocal
gift should be worth at least three
times the value of the original gift.
Clearly we have much to learn.
But when it comes to displays of
love and affection beyond the
buying of chocolates, things get,
well, a little sticky.
While many a Japanese man is
completely nonchalant about
openly salivating over graphic
manga (cartoon) porn mags while
J
PIET GROBLER
Love in Japan
riding packed trains, many of my
friends lamented the notoriously
slow romantic advances of the
Japanese male. After all, who has a
month to wait to hold hands?
This physical reticence doesn’t
apply to hostess bars, however,
where men pay copious amounts of
money to women, whose sole
purpose it is to serve them drinks,
laugh at their jokes, praise their
intelligence/virility/looks and
generally pretend to be thrilled to
bits by their clumsy flirtations and
drunken karaoke ballads.
For those “courtesy chocolate”
man, this one was interested in
only one thing — her underwear,
which he promptly “knicked”,
along with photos of her. Even
before she realised she’d been
robbed, her panties and pics were
probably already packaged and
headed to the seedy underbelly of
Tokyo to be sold in a vending
machine.
There are those who get it right,
though, and for young lovers in
Japan, the next biggest holiday after
Valentine’s Day is Christmas.
While New Year’s Eve in Japan is
a solemn occasion, when people
recipients who simply can’t get
their romantic acts together, there
are also “kitten” restaurants, where
you can get a little cuddle time
with something small and furry.
Alternatively there are also “hug”
restaurants where you can
exchange chaste hugs with other
lonely hearts in need of a little
human interaction.
Others get their romantic
endorphin rush in other ways. Like
the chap who broke into my
friend’s apartment, not once, but
twice. While her electronics may
have tempted a different kind of
spend time with their families and
pay their respects to their local
temples, Christmas is revered as a
day for lovers to, well, get it on. I’m
not sure how the church would feel
about that.
And in a country where
accommodations are cramped at
best and often shared with many
generations of the same family, the
solution for some merry
lovemaking is to check into your
nearest love hotel. With rooms
rented by the hour, discreet staff
and an even greater collection of
vending machines, with all sorts of
tools and toys of the trade, love
hotels are ideal for some muchneeded nookie.
They also serve a useful purpose
for those of us who will travel three
hours to the nearest big city for a
night out, and need a place to crash
for a few hours before the first train
home the next morning.
It’s beneficial to have brushed up
on your Japanese sexy lingo prior
to a visit, however, otherwise you
may have the unfortunate
occurrence of renting a room for
some shut-eye only to open the
door and find not carpets and a
bed but rather a metal grid on the
floor and nothing but a dentist’s
chair! Romantic root canal, anyone?
— Nicky Furniss is the Senior Editor
at TCB Media
Oh, snap!
Kaletso Phiri sent us this picture, taken on a family
trip to the Zambian side of the Victoria Falls near
Livingstone.
He writes: “I was determined to get a picture
that had the falls and the rainbow in the same
frame — easier said than done! After many failed
attempts, we got it right. The frustration might
have been beginning to show on my face but
inside I was totally ecstatic.“ — Kaletso Phiri
Want R500? Send your fun travel pics (at least
500KB) to [email protected] and give
us a few postcard-style lines about your trip and
the shot. If we put you in Travel, you win the cash!
QUOTE
OF THE
WEEK
“The use of travelling is
to regulate imagination
by reality, and instead of
thinking how things may
be, to see them as they
are.” – Samuel Johnson
EDITOR Paul Ash CONTACT Tel: 011 280 5121 email: [email protected] DESIGNER Vernice Shaw SUBEDITORS Elizabeth Sleith, Peta Scop
PICTURE SOURCING Aubrey Paton PROOFREADER Helen Smith COVER Dirk and Sonja van Rensburg of the Republic of Rusticana, Calvinia SOURCE Chris Marais
ADVERTISING ENQUIRIES Debbie Thompson, National Sales Business Manager. Tel: 011 280 3555 email: [email protected] SUBSCRIBER HOTLINE 0860 52 52 00
JOHANNESBURG TO HONG KONG:
FULLY INCLUSIVE RETURN FARE
FROM JOHANNESBURG TO:
R841
FROM CAPE TOWN TO:
INTERNATIONAL ROUTES ARE FULLY
INCLUSIVE RETURN FARES
FROM DURBAN TO:
R4 501
R7 034
R7 815 R6 496
R9 029
R9 810
R5 986
R8 519
R5 622
R9 499
R6 985 R7 617
R11 494 R9 334
R7 107
R10 984 R8 434
R1 339 R6 275
R4 701
R8 274
R6 696
R7 764
R6 186
ALL-INCLUSIVE ONE-WAY SPECIAL FARES. JOHANNESBURG TO:
R704 R818
R8 864
BOOK NOW! EARN VOYAGER MILES!
Voted Best Airline in Africa for 13 consecutive years.
Best Staff Service – Africa for the 4th time.
R9 363
R9 539
R9 363
Go to flysaa.com, call +27 11 978 1111
or contact your local travel agent to book.
TERMS AND CONDITIONS: *DOMESTIC ROUTES One-way Fares: Between Johannesburg and Cape Town/Durban/East London/Port Elizabeth: Sales and travel period until 30 June 2016. Fares must be sold at least between 21 and 28 days before departure. Changes permitted anytime at a charge of R342 per change #. Cancellation:
Anytime airfares are non-refundable*. **INTERNATIONAL ROUTES Return Fares: Harare/Kinshasa/Entebbe/Victoria Falls/Lusaka/Brazzaville/Luanda: Sales and travel period until 30 June 2016. Dar es Salaam: Sales period until 31 March 2016. Travel period until 31 December 2016. Changes permitted anytime at a charge of R400 per
change #. Cancellation: Anytime airfares are non-refundable*. Hong Kong: Sales period and travel period until 30 June 2016. Changes permitted anytime at a charge of R1 500 per change #. Cancellation: before departure 50% cancellation fee. After departure no refund. All fares are subject to availability and change due to currency
fluctuations. SA Airways reserves the right to, at anytime, change and/or discontinue these special fares and conditions without prior notice. # Subject to same seat availability. *Any unused fuel levies and/or regulated taxes are refundable. There is a service fee of R100 on domestic tickets and R250 on international tickets for new
bookings made via our Call Centre. This service fee will be waived for Voyager Gold, Platinum and Lifetime Platinum members.
LOCAL DESTINATIONS
22
February 28 2016
A COOL KAROO TREASURE MAP
CARNARVON — If you’re a windpump
fanatic in search of that rare full-size
tail, ask anybody here where to find
Leon Swanepoel, the Water Doctor of
the Karoo. He might sell you an
Aermotor tail, but if you want to really
get him going, mention your deep love
of the Climax windpump. And for
goodness’ sake, don’t call it a windmill.
SUTHERLAND — Pop in to
the local farmers’ co-op, the
Woolworths of the Karoo.
You see that bottle of udder
cream on the third shelf to
the left of the two-tone
shirts? Insiders will tell you
udder cream is fantastic for
chapped hands.
And if you buy any item of
clothing or footwear
bearing the name of
Jonsson, know that you will
be wearing it for many years
to come. The stuff is as
hardy as hell.
PHILIPSTOWN — Ask the
guy at Merino Motors
where you can get a
decent draadkarretjie — a
wire car. See if you can
get your kids to drop
their mobile devices for a
morning and race each
other up and down the
driveway instead.
WILLOWMORE — Apart from a
friendly reception, a good cuppa
joe and a heart-shaped omelette,
Sophie’s Choice is where you can
load up on an assortment of
oddities, including panpipe-playing
cherubs and chandeliers.
ILLUSTRATION: SIHLE MTSHISELWA
perfecting island holidays for more than 60 years
y o u r m a u r i t i u s be.
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now.
Rates are per person sharing and include:
Return airfare ex JNB Approximate airport taxes
Return transfers Breakfast & dinner daily Kids Club daily for 3-12 years
Free land & motorised water sports per brochure
7 nights
20% saving on land package
from
1 child U6 shares + eats + flies free
at Le Mauricia and Le Canonnier
from
1 child U12 shares + eats + flies
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R18 530
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R20 470
le mauricia
le canonnier
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call your Asata travel agent or Beachcomber on 0800 500 800 [email protected] www.beachcomber.co.za
Valid for travel 23 May – 24 June 2016. Land package saving is included. All-inclusive rate applicable to Le Mauricia & Le Canonnier; enquire for Le Victoria rate; Repeat Guest Saving is applicable to a second
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Due to the volatility of the rand please use this ad as a price guideline, call for updated pricing. Terms & conditions apply.
LOCAL DESTINATIONS
February 28 2016
23
koeksuster from some dusty main-drag coffee shop.
For lovers of road trips and retail therapy, there’s nowhere
Yet treasure hunting in the Karoo is all about knowing where
better than the Karoo. Here, those with time on their hands
the good things are. CHRIS MARAIS highlights some of the
and a willingness to get their hands dirty are guaranteed to
come away with so much more than just a cappuccino and a best stops on a badass, fun-filled retail-therapy road trip.
NIEU BETHESDA — Of course, the main attraction here is Helen Martins’ mad
museum of mosaic and concrete sculptures, the Owl House. Across the dirt road from
her old house, though, you can buy replicas of her weirdly wonderful sculptures.
There’s at least one woman there who claims the sculptures are made by her sons,
relatives of Koos Malgas, who helped Martins build her wacky originals.
Then stop at The Karoo Lamb, for a pair of very special Petrusville slippers —
silicon-soled wonders made of wool felt, they are perfect for the “shoulder seasons”
of autumn and spring. Luxury for the tootsies.
GRAAFF-REINET — Ring the old brass bell at Reinet
Antiques, a restored house now packed with a mix of
true antiques and downright peculiar collectibles. If you
see owner Eira Maasdorp, ask her to show you the
oldest fruit cake in the Karoo — perhaps the world —
which was baked in 1902 to celebrate the house
residents’ 50th wedding anniversary. Maasdorp
stumbled across it, and photos of the couple, in the
attic while she was renovating the house.
MIDDELPOS — This is
where you do your
boerboel dog shopping. Ask
for Koos van der Merwe,
who will take you on a
kennel tour and tell you: “A
boerboel will run all day
with you next to your
horse. Then on the way
back home, it will catch a
scrubhare for your supper.
And that night it will guard
your wife and children.”
CALVINIA — At the Rustic Art Shop,
offer owner Dirk van Rensburg cash
for his glorious Springbok Tobacco
enamel sign and he’ll change the
subject immediately. If you’re lucky,
you’ll emerge with a discounted Oom
Daan’s Pie — “guaranteed to not give
you heartburn”.
WILLISTON — In what people call The Hard
Man’s Karoo, the Williston Mall is not what city
folk might expect from such a name. Actually,
this once dusty backyard space in the middle
of the desert has been morphed into a place
of humour and funky shopping by its owners,
two utterly lovely eccentrics and outsider
artists to the core, Pieter and Elmarie Naude.
Stop here to savour the best milkshake north
of the Huguenot Tunnel and have a delightful
browse.
BEAUFORT WEST — Die Spinwiel Antieks is the Karoo’s Cave of
Wonders. As you walk in, you’ll see a regulation antique shop. But as
you go further, it suddenly becomes a massive museum to the popular
culture of yesterday’s Karoo.
It’s said they have more Mazawattee tea tins here than anywhere in
the world. Toby jugs, jukeboxes, enamel signs, miniatures, a barber’s
chair and even an ancient Polyphone gambling machine that once
graced the foyer of the Fraserburg Hotel.
In the back courtyard, you’ll find the Street of Old Petrol — a fully
reconstructed Atlantic filling station, opposite its Shell counterpart.
Look, here’s the Caltex White Rabbit and the Trek Quagga.
Now
from
R18 600
SOMERSET EAST — Knock at the back
entrance of the former Catholic church,
which has a new life as the Angler & Antelope
Guest House bar, dining room and fly shop.
Alan and Annabelle Hobson will open the
door to a world of weird names such as
Pappa Roach, Woolly Bugger, Hackle Wet
Fuzzy Wuzzy and Horrible Matuka. You will
struggle to find better fishing flies anywhere.
CRADOCK: Everyone goes
bargain-hunting at More4Less, a
vast warehouse of second-hand
stuff that ranges from racks of
Mills & Boon bodice rippers to a
no-name brand electric guitar
that would sound fantastic in a
shearing shed packed with
attentive livestock.
person
* per
sharing
Was R20 115
European Magic takes the tried & tested favourite
destinations of travellers through Europe & packs
them into 1 awesome itinerary - 7 countries in
just over a week.
Now
from
R23 200
LOXTON — Stop at Die Rooi
Granaat if you’re a Deon Meyer
fan. He is a part-time Loxton
resident, and most of his novels
are on sale here — usually signed.
ON THE N10 — The Daggaboer
Padstal, where the weed is sold out
by 6am every day — as the frontdoor sign announces. This is where
you buy your winter woolly sheep
slippers, a perfect match for the
sherry, the pipe, the roaring fire
and that weekend Game of
Thrones binge. If it’s really cold
where you live, you can also
purchase a snuggly TV blanket
made of the finest mohair, shorn
from the backs of true Karoo
angora goats.
person
* per
sharing
Was R25 129
Begin in Rome, experiencing all the hotspots along
the Mediterranean coast. Dance in Barcelona,
mingle on the French Riviera, enjoy delightful
Tuscany, conquer like a Roman emperor &
savour Madrid.
Hotel accommodation
Selected meals as per itinerary
Local taxes & service charges
Transport in modern airconditioned coach
Sightseeing tours of all major
cities
An experienced & professional
contiki crew
Excludes airfares, airport taxes, any items not listed above.
*All terms and conditions apply as per the Contiki Europe Summer 2016/17 brochure. Now price is based on EPD of 7.5%
is subject to availability at time of booking & may be withdrawn without prior notice. R1000 deposit within 7 days secures the reservation and full payment if due on or
before 24 March 2016. *Travel on selected departure dates from April to October 2016
IN SHORT
24
February 28 2016
ARRIVALS
Hey that
looks like …
&
DEPARTURES
Travelling news
Compiled by
ELIZABETH SLEITH
China warns
its architects:
STOP BEING
WEIRD!
O long giant pants, teapots
and cellphones. The Chinese
government has decreed
that no more bizarre buildings will be allowed to pollute its city
skies.
This week, the State Council
released new guidelines on urban
planning, which seek to curb the
construction of “weird and oddly
shaped buildings” in favour of
designs that should embody China’s
national character — and be built on
eco-friendly principles.
In recent decades, more and more
“creative buildings” have been constructed in China. Examples include
the China Central Television headquarters in Beijing, often called the
“pants building” for its likeness to a
pair of trousers; a cellphone-shaped
building in Kunming, complete with
number buttons on its exterior and a
huge window for the screen; and a
teapot-shaped building in Wuxi.
S
PRICES FROM
HIGH HOPES: The Phoenix Towers are supertall skyscrapers planned for construction in Wuhan, China
The new guidelines echo a speech
by China’s President Xi Jinping in
2014, in which he called for morallyinspiring architecture that should
“be like sunshine from the blue
sky and the breeze in spring that
will inspire minds, warm hearts, cultivate taste and clean up undesirable
work styles”.
The People’s Daily Online reports
that those who break the rules will
be held accountable.
■ A BOTTLE OF BOOZE: It's
quite possible the producer of
China’s most potent white spirit,
baijiu, gave its architects too
many tasters during the design
process. How else did they end
up with the Wuliangye Yibin
building in Sichuan?
■ A GRAND PIANO: This
building in Huainan was
conceived as a performance
space for music students, with a
huge glass entrance shaped like
a violin and the performance
space in the bowels of the giant
piano.
■ A GIANT LOTUS: Blooming
out of an artificial lake in Wujin,
this exhibition centre shows the
three stages of the flower from
the young bud to the full ripe
flower through to the opened
bloom with a seed pod within.
■ A BOTTLE OPENER: The
Shanghai World Financial Centre,
the fourth tallest building in
China, is famed for its
101st-floor, glass-bottomed
observation deck. The aperture
at the top was designed to
reduce wind pressure, but the
resulting shape also gave the
skyscraper its nickname.
■ A BIRD’S NEST: The striking
Beijing National Stadium was
designed to be the main venue
of the 2008 Olympic Games.
SPLENDOURS OF THE MEDITERRANEAN
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Spend one night
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Launching in May 2016, the
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A few Ήrsts for the
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ON BOARD CARNIVAL VISTA
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Kick back with a Ήlm at the Ήrst
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11 NIGHTS DEPARTING MAY - OCT 2016
CRUISE ITINERARY:
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OPENING HOURS: MONDAY - FRIDAY 9AM - 7PM SATURDAY 9AM - 4PM SUNDAY 10AM - 4PM. ALL PRICES ARE BASED ON 2 ADULTS SHARING, FLIGHTS ARE FROM JOHANNESBURG BUT OTHER OPTIONS ARE AVAILABLE AT A SUPPLEMENT.
ITINERARIES & DURATION VARY DEPENDANT ON DEPARTURE DATE. *PRICE & ITINERARY BASED ON 23 MAY 2016.
IN SHORT
How to sell a crap hotel
25
NOW YOU CAN TAKE A
VOICE TO THE MOUNTAIN
G
L
OCAL purveyors of less-thanthe-best budget accommodations would do well to steal a
trick from Erik Kessels.
Widely regarded as “the most
influential man in the Netherlands”,
the Dutch artist and designer was in
Cape Town last weekend to speak at
the mother of all creative conferences, the Design Indaba, where he
shared his award-winning work for
the Hans Brinker Budget Hotel in
Amsterdam.
Thanks to the efforts of Kessels’
agency, KesselsKramer, the backpackers has for years been luring pennypinching travellers with its witty and
creative campaigns that make an asset
of its shoddy standards. In fact, it
openly bills itself as “the worst hotel in
the world”.
With a tongue-in-cheek take on
traditional hotel advertising, its
posters make such bold proclamations as: “Free wireless with the neighbour’s password” and “Now even
more dog shit in the main
entrance!”
Another series of ads plays on posh
hotels’ latest obsession with “ecofriendliness”. One shows a naked man,
clearly fresh out of the shower, drying
himself on the curtain. The accompanying text trumpets: “Accidentally
eco-friendly.” Right, no fresh towels.
The Dutch website Design NL
reports that after KesselsKramer took
over the campaigns, hotel bookings
doubled — though nothing inside the
hotel had changed at all.
“The Amsterdam tourist board was
not very happy with the campaigns,”
Kessels told the site. “But the hotel
was mostly — maybe not always —
happy. We started to wonder, though,
how far we could stretch this
approach. Could it get any worse?”
From that type of thinking, the next
campaign was obvious — a poster that
read: “We can’t get any worse, but we
will do our best”.
REAT
news
for
switched-on visitors
to Cape Town’s most
famous sight: the Table Mountain Aerial Cableway has
added a voice feature to its
cellphone app.
Meetings and Travel Buyer
reports that the app now
includes an audio tour, full of
interesting tidbits about the
mountain and the Mother
City.
Did you know the first cable
car was made of wood and took
the British royal family to the
summit of Table Mountain?
Officially
launched
in
December, the walking tour is
hosted on the VoiceMap app.
At the Lower Cable Station,
visitors can download the
application for free on wifi.
www.gatewaytours.co.za
MAJESTIC VICTORIA FALLS
HWANGE NATIONAL PARK
THE KINGDOM HOTEL
GIVE THEM A WARM JOZI WELCOME!
J
GOING BY
THE NUMBERS
9 259
… the distance in
kilometres travelled by
the “Rossiya” — the
passenger train between
Moscow and Vladivostok
— on the Trans-Siberian
Railway. The 6-day
journey is the world’s
longest train ride
OBURG Tourism has launched a
fun campaign to encourage locals
to put on a friendly face for
visitors.
Launched this week, the Welcome to
Jozi — Make a Visitor’s Day! campaign
aims to inform and educate Joburgers
on how to be great ambassadors, to
promote the city, enhance the visitor
experience and ensure that they will
have great memories of Joburg — and
come back again.
Additionally, the campaign aims to
encourage people to participate by
showing them how tourism impacts
each and every resident of
Johannesburg.
In fact, the city is Africa’s most visited,
attracting students, business people, and
tourists looking for shopping, art,
culture, history, music and sport.
To all of them, locals are encouraged
to be helpful, courteous and friendly.
This can be done through even the
simplest of gestures, such as helping
someone with directions.
They are also encouraged to learn
more about the visitors themselves,
where they can.
There is also a plan for the campaign
to educate locals on how to interact with
visitors. For example, etiquette and
greeting them in their languages to
make them feel welcome.
Joburgers can also make a visitor’s day
by showing them the city’s rich culture,
heritage, leisure and lifestyle attractions
and activities. This means that they have
to be familiar with the city’s tourist
attractions and how to access them.
As in many other destinations around
the world, residents are often unaware of
their city’s tourism and leisure offerings
and the campaign aims to address this.
Joburg, of course, has a great deal to
experience and explore. The struggle
history, and culture and heritage
attractions provide fascinating insights
into the city’s past.
Counsellor Ruby Mathang, head of
economic development at the City of
Johannesburg, says: “Visitors to our city
make a significant contribution to our
economy, which benefits development,
job creation and transformation.
“By giving our visitors the best
experiences, we are nurturing and
growing tourism’s contribution to our
local economy, which is advantageous to
all of us.”
He adds that the campaign’s success is
dependent on collaboration and
co-operation between the City of
Johannesburg, its residents and all
tourism stakeholders.
“By working together we can ensure
visitors experience the best that
Johannesburg has to offer — our warm
and welcoming people and the fantastic
variety of experiences and attractions on
offer.”
For more, see joburgtourism.com.
3 days, 2 nights from R5 990
ELEPHANT HILLS RESORT
HWANGE SAFARI LODGE
HWANGE, VICTORIA FALLS
3 nights Hwange Safari Lodge,
3 nights Kingdom Hotel or Elephant Hills.
Rates valid until 01 June 2016.
Price Includes: Return Flights ex JNB Return
Airport Transfers 4 Accommodation
Breakfast Daily
ZANZIBAR - SPICE ISLAND
NGALAWA BEACH VILLAGE
BED & BREAKFAST
5 days, 4 nights from R 7 390
FULL BOARD, BREAKFAST, LUNCH, DINNER
DOUBLETREE BY HILTON
FULLY INCLUSIVE, ALL MEALS + DRINKS & SNACKS
Rate surcharge applicable over peak periods &
long weekends. Rates valid until 30 June 2016.
Price Includes: Return Flights ex JNB
Airport taxes Return airport transfers
Accommodation with meals as specied
EXOTIC THAILAND
AGENT’S ALERT
PHUKET
■ SEVEN NIGHTS CRUISING THE
MEDITERRANEAN FROM R22 180 PER PERSON
8 nights from R11 690
BANGKOK & PHUKET
Price Includes: Return Flights ex JNB
Airport taxes Transfers Accommodation
Breakfasts daily.
Prices valid from 01 May - 31 Oct 2016.
Prices are per person sharing. Travel offers are subject to availability,
high/shoulder season price adjustments, currency and airport tax
variations at the time of booking.
White Star is offering a seven-night Mediterranean
cruise on Cunard’s Queen Victoria, sailing from
Rome on August 6 with stops at Barcelona,
Ajaccio, Monte Carlo and Florence/Pisa before
heading back to Rome.
The price per person sharing an inside balcony
cabin is R22 180. This includes:
ý Accommodation;
ý All meals;
ý On-board entertainment;
ý Port charges;
ý Tea, coffee and complimentary on-board
spend of R850.
The package excludes gratuities, shore
excursions, flights, transfers, insurance and visas.
■ Contact: 011 463 3293
The tour then officially
starts at the Upper Cable
Station, and is designed to
entertain for an hour.
At your own pace, you can
learn about the fauna and flora
at the summit while you
marvel at the views below.
The audio incorporates the
voices of various experts and
Table Mountain lovers. These
include MD Sabine Lehmann
speaking about the Cableway’s
responsible-tourism
initiatives; and author Tony
Lourens on hiking on the
mountain.
VoiceMap can be downloaded for free from the Google
Play Store (Android devices)
or Apple App Store (iPhone).
For more, see
tablemountain.net.
@
0860 43 8292
[email protected]
TRAVEL & TOURS
3685343
February 28 2016
TRAVELLERS’ TALES
26
N estaminet is a pub-cumbistro in northern France
or Belgium. It is distinguished by a lot of wood,
tiles on the floor, bric-a-brac bar
clutter, a lady of the house of ample
proportions, and dishes more substantial.
The very first estaminet I visited
was in Godewaersvelde (or “Gertiewears-velvet”, as First World War
Tommies preferred), just south of the
Franco-Belgian border. I ordered
potjevleesch, a terrine of veal, rabbit
and chicken. The accompanying
chips came in a bowl the size of a
church font. They were surely for the
four people at the next table? “No,
they’re yours.”
Such abundance creates links. So
do beers and northerness. I lost count
of the former and rarely count the
A
February 28 2016
Three cheers
to ‘estaminets’
Touring war sites is sobering stuff
— but the old pubs are the perfect
antidote. By Anthony Peregrine
latter. I recall a bar game of chucking
discs at a metal frog’s mouth. Someone thanked me for helping in the
wars. I thanked him for something,
conceivably about the wool trade,
and may have staggered as I left.
Estaminets are, thus, brilliant
places, antidotes to lives lived tough
for generations. They are also a necessary complement to Remembrance
tourism. A trip around this region’s
WW1 sites is as moving as any journey you’ll make. But it also leaves you
emotionally winded. Tackled prop-
NOW AND THEN: In the modern L’Estimanet in Bruges, Belgium, above;
and below, a drawing of a typical wartime scene in an estaminet
erly, an estaminet may reassert light
and life by the deployment of laughter and lashings of calories.
It happened to me the other day.
My French friend Benoît and I were
just south of Lens. We had driven to
Notre Dame de Lorette, France’s
biggest war cemetery. Since 2014, this
has been flanked by the spectacularly
impressive Remembrance Ring —
345m in circumference, the ring comprises 500 gold-coloured steel panels
on to which are engraved the names
of the 579 606 soldiers killed in the
Nord-Pas-de-Calais region during the
war. The order is alphabetic — no
distinction of nationality or rank —
and the effect gently overwhelming.
In the valley at Souchez, the Centre-d’Histoire de Guerre et Paix supplies exceptional coverage of the
Great War, for free. Mornings, in
short, don’t come more fulfilling. But
we needed a breather. We fell into the
A-l’Potée-d’Léandre estaminet in the
village. Beers arrived. Food came in
heaps. The décor — stained glass;
tin-plate ads — starred many references to absinthe.
“It’s my hobby,” said the owner.
“Mine is whisky,” I said. “We should
start a newsletter.” Hours later, we
returned to the war, refreshed. As I
said, grand spots, estaminets. Don’t
hesitate. — © The Daily Telegraph
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Dutch courage
T is little surprise that alcohol provided
a useful, if brief, escape from the horrors
of the trenches. The British Army issued
a daily rum ration to frontline troops —
often just before an attack to steady their
nerves — while off-duty soldiers flocked to
local estaminets where they could drink wine
and beer and sing and enjoy the rare
company of women.
Estaminets on the Western Front were
usually tiny with low ceilings, wooden
benches and an iron stove, writes Matthew
Crampton in War Sketches (noglory.org).
They “sold wine, cognac and thin beer, as
well as coffee, soup, eggs and chips. The
proprietress (a proprietor was unthinkable)
had a daughter or two, or nieces, or younger
sisters who served at table and made no
objection to tobacco smoke and ribald
choruses in English and pidgin French.”
Some estaminets were little more than
converted barns on farms where soldiers
were billetted, with the farmer and his wife
(and daughters) playing landlord and
hostesses. Crude as they were, they offered a
more congenial environment for drinking
than downing a tot of 80% proof army rum
before going “over the top”.
“The estaminets were wonderful,” said one
veteran decades later. “They would be
beautifully warm and they had things like
coloured lights and artificial flowers. The
serving girls at the counter would be gaily
dressed and there’d always be music,
sometimes a small band, and you could sing
the popular songs of the day.”
When the war ended, most of them faded
away as quickly as they had sprung up. —
Paul Ash, with Daily Mail and
diffordguide.com
I
“Every officer’s charger in at least
eight divisions knows the way to
its doors: from early dawn to the
curfew toll they are lined up in
the sunny square outside,
chestnut, black, roan, bay, sorrel
and mouse-coloured, waiting for
their masters that are drinking
inside” — Writer and World War I
infantry officer Robert Graves on The
Globe, a small café in Béthune,
France, which was reserved for
officers. Graves loathed the place
after seeing “barrels of already thin
beer being watered down from the
canal with a hosepipe”.
33445
MARCH/ APRIL
GIVEAWAYS FROM
R13 900 PPS
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MadagasCaT Charters & Travel
28
February 28 2016
February 28 2016
THE BIG READ
29
BY THE
NUMBERS:
A day on the
MSC Sinfonia
3 000
The number of eggs used
300
Bottles of beer drunk
4 000
Soft drinks served
16
Bottles of whiskey
finished
Giant on the
trail of a legend
Riding a luxury liner to Ilha de Moçambique, Paul Ash is
thrilled to voyage on the same seas as Da Gama himself
‘I
N the name of God, Amen.
In the year 1497, King Dom
Manuel, the first of this
name in Portugal, ordered
four vessels to go and
discover, in search of spices.”
So begins the diary of a man named
Alvaro Velho, one of the adventurers who,
with Vasco da Gama, departed Lisbon for
India on a July Saturday that year.
Before casting off, another witness
wrote, the sailors were granted absolution
from the local vicar. “During this
ceremony such was the grief of all that
the shore took possession of their tears.”
And so the fleet set sail and many of the
men aboard never saw their homes again.
I am thinking of Vasco da Gama and
his epic voyage as my ship, the MSC
Sinfonia, gives four long blasts of her
foghorn, and eases away from the
quayside in Durban. There are no tears
here, only the thump of dance music and
a conga line snaking around the Lidol
deck as the Sail Away party kicks off.
By the time the ship turns north by
east, we can feel her roll under our feet
and everyone is having a thoroughly good
time, better than that had by Da Gama
and his band of mariners by the time they
sailed past the Bluff shortly after
Christmas 1497.
The Sinfonia is a ship built for pleasure.
Today there are 2 050 passengers and 720
crew aboard for the seven-night voyage to
Ilha de Moçambique, 1 048 nautical miles
and two-days’ steaming away.
Even with 60 000 tons of steel under
my feet, I feel the thrill of voyaging on the
same seas as Da Gama did in his tiny
wooden caravel. And, as Captain Ciro
Pinto, the Sinfonia’s master, notes later,
the ships may get bigger but the marine
hazards are eternal — winds, currents,
shoals, storms, other ships and — in some
parts of the Indian Ocean (but happily
not this one) — even pirates.
Pinto is an old hand in these waters.
“You must always keep an eye on the
weather,” he says, “because here it
changes quickly.”
By evening I am thoroughly enchanted
with my new world. Cabin attendant Belly
Crescentine — who will call me “Meestah
Pow” for the next week — has shown me
how everything works. Then I slide open
the door to my balcony and lie on my bed
and watch the sea foam past. Sleep,
despite the thump of happy feet on the
deck as the party continues, comes easily.
By nightfall we are steaming along at 23
SHIPSHAPE: The MSC Sinfonia heads for
the ocean, above; and a tourist takes a
picture inside the Chapel of Nossa
Senhora do Baluarte on Ilha, left
knots, using brute force and lots of diesel
to overcome the southward push of the
Mozambique current. By morning we are
abeam Inhaca Island, having covered in
little more than a day a distance that took
Da Gama’s fleet more than a week.
As we steam north, I settle into the
shipboard routine: breakfast of croissants
and tea in my cabin followed by a stroll
around the ship, then a talk from the
enthusiastic cruise director, Stephen
Cloete, in the ship’s theatre. I spend the
afternoons lolling on the balcony. Aside
IF YOU GO
MESSING ABOUT IN BOATS: Fishermen from Ilha de Moçambique paddle their dugout canoes alongside the MSC Sinfonia cruise ship
PAUL ASH
THE CRUISE: There will be one more seven-night cruise to Ilha de Mocambique this
season, leaving Durban on February 18. Fares are currently from R5 800 per person for
an inside or outside cabin. Children under 18 sharing with two adults cruise free, paying
only port, baggage and insurance fees. Call 087 075 0882 or see msccruises.co.za.
THE SHIP: The 65 000-ton MSC Sinfonia is 274m long, cruises at 20 knots and can
carry 2 679 passengers at double occupancy and 2 490 passengers in total, plus 720
crew. It has nine passenger decks, more than 980 cabins, a Lido deck with two
swimming pools and a kids’ water playpark, five bars and lounges, a two-deck theatre, a
spa and fitness centre and duty-free shops. Fine dining is offered at the Il Galeone and Il
Covo restaurants. The buffet on deck 11 is open from 11am.
ENTERTAINMENT AND ACTIVITIES: Entertainment usually kicks off at 10am daily on
the Lido deck. Expect dance classes, pool parties, games shows, sports and the like.
There is a fully equipped gym with aerobics and stretch classes daily, and a jogging track
around deck 13. There’s also a putt-putt course and a basketball court.
Evening entertainment includes bands, singers and dance lessons as well as two shows
every night in the Teatro San Carlo. The shows are remarkable for their variety and glamour,
not to mention the skill of the performers. If you’re feeling flush, there’s a casino.
For younger passengers, kids’ clubs range from the Baby Club Chicco to one for teens.
There’s a nightly disco for teens followed — much later — by tunes for the oldies at the
Pasha Club Disco.
WHAT’S INCLUDED: Meals are included but you pay for most drinks, alcoholic or not.
from the occasional passing freighter and
flying fish skittering over the wave tops,
the Sinfonia steams alone in the great,
blue spread of the Indian Ocean.
Dinner is always fine dining in the Il
Covo restaurant, which offers a fine view
of our wake boiling out behind us. There
is fillet of kingklip, Tuscan soup, calamari
in light batter. There are plates of
pan-fried prawns and chicken stroganoff.
The Indian food — precisely the reason
for Da Gama’s expedition — is superb: on
my last night aboard, my waiter, the
ever-attentive Vijay (“Hi, I’m Vijay, I’m
from India”, was written on the menu
every night) brings me a second helping
of rajma — kidney beans in rich gravy —
and more chapatis (“More chapatis, Vijay,
bring more, more …”) because it’s one of
the finest things I have ever tasted.
After dinner I would stroll, like
passengers of old, on the boat deck, the
broad and sheltered promenade where the
lifeboats hang in their davits. With all-out
lights ablaze from every porthole and
scuttle, the ship must look a sight from
afar in the dark Indian Ocean night. All
along the deck, people would lean on the
rails and gaze out into the velvet night.
“People must see this and see there is a
God,” says one man to his wife. She nods
and stares at the ocean crashing past.
“Imagine all those creatures under
there, under the water,” she says softly.
After a show in the Teatro San Carlo —
quite a thing to see Ukrainian ballerinas
and Zimbabwean acrobats perform
unfazed by the rolling ship — I would
retire to my cabin, lights out by 9pm.
Too soon, the point of the voyage, Ilha
de Mocambique, comes to me on the
morning breeze. I am awake before dawn,
leaning over the rail, craning for a glimpse
of land when I smell it — woodsmoke
and a thousand years of sweet corruption
and decay. By sunrise we have anchored
off Lighthouse Island and Ilha, 3km to the
west, is still a mere smudge.
While we wait for the tenders to ferry
us ashore, men in dugout canoes paddle
out to us, just as they did when Da Gama
arrived on March 2 1498.
“On Friday morning Nicolau Coelho …
saw some boats under sail approaching
him from that island from the village,
coming with great pleasure to welcome
the Commander-in-Chief. After we had
anchored in the lagoon of that island from
whence had come the boats, seven or
eight of these boats and dugout canoes
reached us, the men playing some
trumpets that they carried, and telling us
to proceed within, and that if we wished
they would pilot us into port.”
There are no trumpets this morning.
One paddler sees me leaning on the rail,
12 decks up. “Amigo! Amigo!” he shouts,
“give me one dollar.” Plus ça change, I
think.
Ilha has always been about trade. Arab
merchants in their dhows had dropped
anchor here centuries before Da Gama
came plodding round the Cape. The
2.5km-long island — named for trader
Sheikh Moussa Ben Mbiki — is weighted
with history which presses in from all
sides, almost literally, as you walk down
the narrow streets between the faded
buildings. When the Portuguese arrived
for good in 1507, they first built a church
— the Chapel of Nossa Senhora do
Baluarte — then the fort of São Sebastião.
They built both to last — successive waves
of French, Dutch and Omani attackers
failed to break Portugal’s grip on the
island so they razed the town instead,
twice burning it to the ground.
Few of the original buildings survive,
yet it still feels ancient. The town is a
maze of alleyways fronted by ochrecoloured buildings, opening now and then
onto dusty squares where fig trees grow
through cracks in the masonry. The town
was neglected during the civil war, but
thanks to Unesco funding, it’s looking
better than it has in decades.
Life goes on here as it always has. Kids
swim in the clear water off the jetty and
people wade through the shallows to
board dhows to ferry them across the bay.
I wander the streets, inhaling the smells
of Ilha — damp stone, woodsmoke and
dust, the whiff of peri-peri and sea salt in
the air. I am hungry for calamari or periperi chicken but have some missions first:
I visit the little chapel where sunlight
pours through the walls, then listen to
how my voice booms and echoes in the
fresh water cisterns. Then I climb the
ramparts and sit on an old cannon.
A young guide joins me. “There is
Chinese pottery in the sea,” he says.
“Portuguese money too,” he says wistfully.
Across the bay the Sinfonia gleams like
a white seabird on the big blue. I wonder
what stories they will tell of her in 1 000
years. — Ash was a guest of MSC Cruises
SUNDAY TIMES
READER OFFER
MSC Cruises is offering Sunday Times
readers a Super Bingo Fare of R4 500pps.
Children under 18 cruise FREE sharing a
family cabin with 2 adults, paying only
the mandatory charges, subject to
availability (a family cabin surcharge
might apply). The offer excludes
mandatory fees of R1 290pp. Super Bingo
is a discounted rate where cabin
categories are allocated at MSC’s
discretion at the last minute depending
on availability. Passengers could end up
in the cheapest category or could be
lucky and make superior accommodation.
30
CRUISING
February 28 2016
DECK WITH A VIEW: Leaning on the rail and watching the sea go by is one of the cruising life’s great pleasures
YOUR 10-POINT
CRUISE SURVIVAL KIT
You’ll be far from land while on the ocean wave,
but thanks to Aubrey Paton you won’t be all at sea
PAUL ASH
I
T doesn’t matter if you’re a sun lover
or a shade hugger, a fitness fanatic or
a couch potato, go on a cruise —
you’ll find it surprisingly enjoyable. No
longer the preserve of the very rich or the
blue-rinse-and-Zimmer-frame brigade,
cruises are increasingly popular with South
Africans.
They offer an affordable family holiday
— children under 18 travel free — with a
journey that is just as enjoyable as the
destination. For the neophyte, MSC’s
weekend cruise from Durban to Portuguese
Island is an ideal introduction.
But nothing is so good that it can’t be
improved by a few tips from a [now]
seasoned veteran:
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CRUISING
February 28 2016
1
Queuing for customs and
immigration is an unavoidable
nightmare: lessen the pain by paying
extra for fast-tracking — it’s worth it.
And for heaven’s sake bring your passport —
they won’t let you on the ship without it.
getting lost. Think of it as a multi-level town:
your cabin is your home so know what deck
it is on. The reception deck is the CBD, the
retail deck is that fancy mall where you can’t
afford to buy anything, and the
entertainment deck, with the buffet and the
pools and the gym and the kids’ clubs, is
your local shopping centre. Know those
levels, ignore the rest: easy-peasy.
5
2
There is a certain ineffable smugness
that divides those who suffer from
sea sickness from those who don’t —
there’s nothing to amp the
schadenfreude factor like seeing others turn
pale and sweaty at the slightest pitch. Don’t
take a chance, take a pill — best after food,
an hour before setting sail. If you are prone
to mal-de-mer, shun water, alcohol and
digital screens; let sweet drinks and dry food
be your friends.
3
Bring binoculars. The shipping lane
up the East Coast of Africa is busy, so
what with passing ships and pods of
dolphins there’s often something to
see, although the coast is pretty empty until
you reach Maputo.
4
Familiarise yourself with the ship —
anyone who can negotiate South
African roads has no excuse for
Shore trips are free — although
excursions need to be booked and
paid for — so plan what you want to
do beforehand. Portuguese Island has
been transformed from a deserted sandbar to
an impressive, eco-friendly destination and is
worth seeing. There are facilities for beach
volleyball, beach football, beach umbrellas
and loungers, and a series of stalls for local
crafts. Most important,
there is a large
wooden
environmentally
friendly support
structure for at least
four bars and an icecream parlour.
Not being the
booze, buffet and
bikini type, I took the
first tender — one of
the boats dedicated to
ferrying people
ashore — to the island to avoid the heat,
and found a good seat in the shade from
which to people-watch. I learned how some
of my countrymen like to drink, and are
not afraid of an early start.
The island is tiny and takes less than an
hour to walk around. Then watch dance
lessons and various water sports, bargain
with the vendors for souvenirs and enjoy
the view of Maputo through the heat haze.
Essentials for any excursion are heavy-
31
duty sunscreen, a large sun hat, sunglasses,
cold drinks, a book and a large bag to keep
it all in. Also, find out what times the
tenders return: I would have been stranded
on the island until after lunch were it not
for the kindly intercession of a jolly man in
an orange T-shirt, whom I later discovered
was the captain.
Maybe he was scared I would try
swimming back to ship, so he radioed for a
little rubber-duck to fetch me, then waded
into the not-so-shallows to help heave me
up and over the side.
6
Unless you don’t mind queues, the
buffet should be avoided at meal
times: it’s open late so it’s not as
though you’ll go without, and the
food is fresh and varied. For a more
sedate dining experience, try the restaurants: excellent
service and a new
menu every day, more
space, fewer people,
china plates and real
linen was somehow
simply more appealing
than jostling elbows up
on the entertainment
deck.
And for those who
like to start the day
slowly, a continental breakfast will be
delivered to your cabin: the coffee and
pastries are good, the ambience superb —
but avoid the “orange juice”, a slightly
tinged and flavoured beverage.
people, and eight decks: if you always take
the stairs, and make use of the Turkish bath,
the gym, the pools and the games, you can
easily keep the weight off. Plus the menus do
offer low-carb and health options.
8
9
10
Attend the shows: this might not be
Broadway but to watch ballet
performed flawlessly while the deck
rocks and rolls is very impressive.
Forgot to take books? No problem.
The ship has an excellent library —
no one appeared to use it, but it
was there.
Do not go alone. Cruising is
for couples, and families have
more fun. But if you are on
your own, get a cabin with a
balcony: watching the early sun on the
waves while enjoying coffee and croissants
and feeling the sea breeze makes company
superfluous.
Bon Voyage. — Paton was a guest of MSC
Cruises
7
With all this food around, take loose
clothes if you are going on a long
cruise — the average passenger gains
2kg a week. However, on my cruise,
there were only seven lifts, about 3 000
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Return Ɖights, taxes & rail
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32
READERS’ WORLD
February 28 2016
IBO ISLAND LODGE
LONG BOAT TO NOWHERE: The Quirimbas Archipelago in northern Mozambique is not easy to get to — and that’s a good thing
OBSTER!” came the cry from
behind us. We turned to find a
beaming fisherman on the
carved-out tree trunk that
served as his vessel, holding aloft the
massive crustacean, which he had just
stabbed with a handmade spear at the
bottom of the pristine ocean.
My partner and I looked at each other and
then to our dhow captain and we knew we
couldn’t pass this up. Our dinner options had
just upped a level or three, and a barbecued
lobster on the island to which we were
heading that night was a no-brainer.
Sensing the potential for a deal, the
fisherman dived into the sea, performing an
impressive one handed-front crawl — the
other hand being used to grasp the huge (live)
lobster, which was duly delivered onto our
dhow. After quick negotiations, the deal was
sealed. With smiles all round, we passed a pod
of bottlenose dolphins and leatherback turtles,
and pitched our tent for the night on the
deserted beach.
It had not been all plain sailing. The
REDWORKS 74821/E
‘L
uietly go the
QUIRIMBAS
Frank Harle kicks back in
Mozambique’s remote archipelago
Quirimbas Archipelago, in northern
Mozambique, is not an easy place to get to.
We had negotiated a seven-hour ride on a
rickety chapa cem (truck) from the nearest
coastal town of Pemba, and then waited four
hours for the tide to come in, which brought a
small window that allowed the once-daily
motorised yacht to take us from the mainland
to the island of Ibo, our base to explore the
group of magical islands over the 10 days.
With no Portuguese between us, and
English as much use as Flemish here, we were
delighted to hear familiar words of Swahili
being spoken by our fellow truck passengers.
Our initial suspicion that it was just a few
passing migrants from neighbouring Tanzania
dissipated when the whole bus joined in the
conversation. Years spent in Tanzania
attempting to learn the lingua franca of much
of East Africa was going to prove useful, as the
local coastal language of Mwani shares a
majority of words with Swahili.
As elsewhere in the region, the tales of
significant quantities of gas being discovered
are a concern for many, as is the news of vast
areas of land being taken over for exploration.
Initial gas explosions are starting to disrupt
fragile ecosystems and the vulnerable
populations of wildlife they support.
Luckily for now, the Quirimbas has been
designated a protected site, but fears are
strong (and seemingly well founded) that this
will not hold sway forever with a government
desperate for a slice of the huge cash
injections that such gas reserves bring.
As we indulged in our lobster and looked
out at the ocean against a backdrop of a stars,
we knew we had found another piece of
paradise in another part of this magical region
full of surprises — and amazing food. Long
may it last. — © Frank Harle
■ Share your travel experiences with us in
‘Readers’ World’. Send your high-res
photos — at least 500KB in size — and a
story of no more than 800 words. ALL
winners receive R1 000. Only winning
entrants will be contacted. E-mail
[email protected]
Book now and receive
food, beverage and
entertainment vouchers
UP TO
R2 500
*
OFFER RUNS FROM 1 OCTOBER 2015 TO 30 JUNE 2016
*Terms and conditions apply. Excludes peak periods. Minimum 1 night stay, maximum 5 nights stay.
Bookings can be made at suninternational.com using the promotional code “SUNFIESTA” or calling 011 780 7800.
WEEKEND ESCAPE
February 28 2016
P
The shinier side
of the coin
Limpopo was returned to the community, who decided to keep it as a
conservation area managed by Sanparks. As a concessionaire, Return
Africa contributes to the Makulekes’
wellbeing through levies and
employment.
That evening, we went to the
fever-tree forest for sundowners. Soft
light feathered through the fine
leaves as we sipped G&Ts, watching
vervets bounce across branches.
Another elephant (we seemed to
attract them) lumbered towards us
between the green-yellow trunks,
then lost interest.
We ate supper at the long dining
table in the roomy lounge, forced
inside by the wind raging against the
shutters. As thunder crackled over
us, scattered drops became a hammering downpour.
Next morning, a chainsaw’s whine
cut the silence. I climbed the koppie
with a mug of coffee. Down below, a
massive fever tree had crashed over,
blocking the road; workers were
slicing it up as rain sifted down from
the bruised sky.
For a moment I wondered if the
fallen tree might force us into staying
longer. Sadly, it didn’t. — Matthews
was a guest of Return Africa
Alexander Matthews experiences
the Kruger as only a lucky few get to do
IF YOU GO
GARY PEISER
I FOUND MY THRILL: Baobab Hill Bush House
cellphone signal or wifi, Baobab Hill
is truly an escape from the urban
grind — it’s hard to think of a more
perfect place to do absolutely nothing. I was tempted to spend the rest
of the day reading to a soundtrack of
buzzing cicadas and the chortling of
emerald-spotted wood doves playing
from the trees. But our guides Sarah
Nurse and Elizabeth Bruce had
arrived (with their rifles) to take us
on a walk. I knew it would be a waste
not to go exploring.
We trailed between soaring ana
trees, keeping parallel to the river. We
sat on a clutch of rocks to observe a
distant elephant. Our progress up
through Hutwini Gorge was slow but
the shade of shaggy jackalberries
provided a little respite from the
heat. Back in the blazing sun, Sarah
pointed out a delicate purple flower,
a kind of wild foxglove — Ceratotheca
saxicola to be exact. It’s so rare it’s on
SANBI’s Red List.
Finally we reached the crest of the
hill. With binoculars, we could just
make out the stone ruins of Thulamela, an Iron Age kingdom.
On our way back to the house, in
a dusty clearing known as Deku, we
saw evidence of more recent human
habitation. Sarah pointed at it: a
heavy potjie lid, left when the
Makuleke were forcibly removed
from here in 1969 to allow for the
expansion of the Kruger. After a successful land claim in the late 1990s,
the land between the Luvuvhu and
NEED TO KNOW: Baobab Hill
Bush House sleeps a
maximum of eight people for
a minimum three-night stay.
The lodge is available, on a
self-catering basis, for
R11 000 per night for the
entire house. The rate
includes two private game
drives a day and an in-house
chef can be arranged at an
additional charge for those
who do not wish to cook.
BOOKINGS: Phone
011 646 1391, e-mail
[email protected]
or see returnafrica.com.
Create magical memories with your family this Easter
at Fairmont Zimbali Resort. With legendary hospitality
11:24
AM
The moment you made
a splash in her life
and unforgettable charm, it’s the perfect place to
create memories. Fairmont Zimbali Resort is a haven
of luxury with 154 rooms, the internationally acclaimed
Willow Stream Spa and a variety of dining options.
STARTING FROM
R1 400
PER PERSON SHARING*
PLUS
R1 000
FOOD AND BEVERAGE RESORT CREDIT
FOR STAYS OF 3 NIGHTS OR MORE*
CONTACT OUR RESERVATIONS TEAM
CALL + 27 (0)32 538 5000
E-MAIL [email protected]
FOR FURTHER INFORMATION KINDLY VISIT
FAIRMONT.COM/ZIMBALI-RESORT
* Rates are per person sharing, based on double occupancy in a Deluxe Room. This
offer is valid from 18 to 24 March and 29 March to 4 April 2016. Blackout dates
may apply. Subject to availability. Stays of 3 nights or more qualify for a R1 000
food and beverage resort credit. The credit is not transferable and is only valid for
the duration of the stay. This offer is for new bookings only and is only applicable to
leisure travellers. This offer cannot be combined with other promotions, discounts,
packages or special rates. Rates include VAT and exclude 1% tourism levy.
attic rush
AFURI is my favourite part
of Kruger. A roughly
240km² triangle wedged up
against Zimbabwe and
Mozambique, it forms a mere 1% of
the park and yet features a whopping
75% of its biodiversity. It bristles with
birdlife. Fever-tree forests fan out
across tsessebe- and eland-studded
floodplains; cliffs crumble majestically from the sides of Lanner Gorge.
Sure, this is Kruger, but it’s Kruger as
you’ve never seen it before.
And indeed many never will.
Although day-trippers crossing the
Luvuvhu River from the south are
permitted to drive the semi-circular
tar road to Pafuri Gate, all they’ll
glimpse is a distant ridge or two, the
odd baobab and thickets of white
seringa. But to unlock the secrets of
this hallowed place, you have to stay
here.
One option is The Outpost, a string
of modernist rooms strung out along
a hilltop, with floor-to-ceiling views.
Last year, Return Africa opened
Pafuri Camp, a set of luxury tents on
the edge of the Luvuvhu. It also
transformed the nearby former
ranger’s house into a self-catering
villa: Baobab Hill Bush House.
The mercury was flirting with 40
the afternoon we arrived. As soon as
we’d downed our welcome drinks,
we headed for the plunge pool. Then,
refreshed, we explored the house,
which is spacious enough to pack in
a large family or (as we did) a bunch
of friends. Some of the old Parks
Board-issue, mid-century fittings
remain, artfully combined with laidback safari touches.
When the sun had started to slink
downwards, we trooped through the
gate in the fence and clambered up
the koppie. We drank beers under the
towering baobab that gives the house
its name. Behind us, the Luvuvhu
wended languorously past, while in
the west, rays tinged the smoky sky
orange before falling to ashen veld. It
was time to start the braai.
The next morning, I sat with a cup
of coffee on the verandah. With no
33
FOOD DESTINATION
34
February 28 2016
plusgoogle.com
HIGH DRAMA: The Cathedral of Santa Maria of Palma, better known as La Seu, in Palma, Majorca
MAJORCA:
A dip into deliciousness
TOP NOSH:
Marc Fosh’s
restaurant
recently won a
Michelin star
abc-mallorca.com
Chris Leadbeater finds Michelin
restaurants rubbing shoulders with
great tapas bars in the capital
T first glance, Carrer Arabí
seems a false step in my
search for a gourmet dinner in Palma, Majorca. I
have turned west at the Parròquia de
Sant Miquel — a broad sandstone
block which, born of the 14th century, is supposed to be the oldest
church in Palma de Majorca. The
little square that lurks in its shadow
slopes underfoot, funnelling me
down a flight of steps into the equally
narrow Carrer de la Missió. I begin to
wonder if I’m lost.
My confusion continues as I arrive
at the door of the Hotel Convent de la
Missió. Its smooth concrete façade,
almost windowless, gives few clues
— either to the building’s 17th-cen-
A
tury foundation as a monastery, or to
its modern reincarnation as a place of
accommodation and gastronomy. It
is only when I step inside, to be
greeted by Marc Fosh, that my sense
of disorientation begins to dissipate
— although he too confesses to a
moment of bemusement.
“I remember, just after we opened,
coming into this room to find an
elderly gentleman standing over
there,” he gestures, his London
accent undimmed by 20 years away
from Britain. “I asked if I could help
him. ‘No,’ he said — he was just
imagining the place as it looked
when he used to eat here, when it
was the refectory. He said he could
still picture it.”
WIN
2 ECONOMY
AIR TICKETS
TO THE
WITH
AND THE
Delta Air Lines is a major American
airline with its headquarters and hub
in Atlanta, Georgia. The airline,
along with its subsidiaries, operate
over 400 flights daily to 334
destinations in 64 countries
and on six continents.
The “we” Fosh is referring to is
Simply Fosh, the hotel’s restaurant,
and his own baby. He launched it in
2009. “I remember adding the furniture, looking around and thinking,
‘No one will come here.” He was
wrong. In November, Simply Fosh
was awarded a Michelin star.
This might seem an odd concept
for a city so closely associated with its
near-neighbour, the beach resort of
Magaluf, whose bars, boozy brawls
and braggadocio are a mere 50 minutes’ drive away.
Yet, from the peaks of the Serra de
Tramuntana to the cliffs of Cap de
Formentor, Majorca has always been
more than Magaluf. And its capital is
a shard of sophistication. True, Palma
is not huge — a pocket of just over
400 000 souls. But it feels bigger than
this, its image splendidly inflated by
the majestic La Seu (surely Spain’s
most beautiful cathedral), the elegant avenues of La Rambla, the collonaded square of Placa Major (not as
expansive as its Madrid namesake)
and the contemporary flair of Es
Baluard, where artworks by Joan
Miró and Miquel Barceló hold court
in what was a 16th-century fortress.
“Majorca is so different to the
British perception,” Fosh says. “The
Germans, the Swiss, the Scandina-
To stand a chance of
winning two economy
tickets to any major city in
the USA, simply complete
the crossword puzzles next
week, and for 3 weeks
thereafter, and identify
the featured CITY.
TERMS & CONDITIONS APPLY
FOOD DESTINATION
vians, have a very different view.”
And yet, when he came here, it
was his aim to get away from haute
cuisine.
He’d already earned a Michelin
star at Majorca’s Read’s Hotel, and
had worked under the Michelinstarred Martín Berasategui in San
Sebastian.
“I wanted to get away from the
idea of Michelin and serious gastronomy,” he says. “We had no tablecloths, we left wine bottles on the
tables.”
He sticks to this vision at
lunchtime via a casual menu aimed
at workers in the city — then plays
his best tricks in the evening.
The degustación menu I enjoy is a
feast with a Mediterranean emphasis
(“No cream, no butter, lots of olive
oil,” Fosh says). At à89 for seven
courses (minus wine), it is excellent
value for a Michelin-rated dinner.
Fosh’s is the first Michelin star in
Palma, but the eighth on the island
— and it is hard to shake the sensation that Majorca is positioning
itself as a gastro-destination.
“Palma’s food scene has advanced
hugely,” Fosh adds. “And I don’t just
mean at the top end. There are some
great tapas bars.”
s I wander the city, I see his
point. Just around the corner on Carrer Arabí, La Biblioteca de Babel is epicurean Palma at
its quirkiest — a bookshop that fills
its shelves with tomes by Nietzsche,
Plato and Homer, but intermingles
these volumes with bottles of Majorcan wine and vinegar, tables on the
A
7
OTHER
MICHELIN
SPOTS
35
1 and 2 — Majorca’s most feted restaurant lies 24km west of Palma, in Es
Capdellà. Slotted into the Castell Son Claret hotel, Zaranda (zaranda.es)
boasts two Michelin stars under chef Fernando Pérez Arellano. Its ninecourse degustación menu darts between oysters, spiced octopus and
pigeon, for à130 (à195 with wine).
3. Es Fum (restaurant-esfum.com), meanwhile, sits almost in the city’s
lap, at the St Regis Mardavall hotel in Son Caliu. It has a Michelin star —
as well as a 10-course menu (for à156) — under chef Rafael Sanchez.
4. Deia, on the west coast, is home to Es Raco d’es Teix
(esracodesteix.es) — a hotspot where German chef Josef Sauerschell
proffers delicacies such as lobster salad with pumpkin for à30.
5. Puerto Alcudia, in the far north, has Majorca’s only Michelin-starred
female chef, Macarena de Castro, left, who crafts morsels such as
marrow with chickpeas at Jardín (restaurantejardin.com).
6. The east coast shines in the form of Bou (esmolidenbou.es) — a
gourmet treat at the Sa Coma Playa Hotel, in Sa Coma, which has worn
its Michelin star since 2004. Here, chef Tomeu Caldentey puts an
emphasis on Majorcan fare via a 130 tasting menu (180 with wine).
7. Nearby at Capdepera, 32-year-old wunderkind Andreu Genestra
(andreugenestra.com) runs a self-named eatery. Genestra once worked
with Marc Fosh — and received his star in 2015.
street, and laden cheeseboards for
à14.
A short walk away, Ca’n Joan de
S’aigo keeps things fascinating as
Palma’s oldest bakery in continuous
service — a relic of 1700, its décor a
mix of art-deco glass and arabesque
alcoves, its counters groaning with
that most classic of Majorcan pastries, ensaimada, at à1.30 a slice.
Then there are the upper echelons
— Hotel Can Cera, a five-star palace
where 14 rooms reflect their 17thcentury origins, and the attached Can
Cera Gastro Bar, with a gorgeous interior courtyard.
De Tokio a Lima, in the boutique
Can Alomar hotel, combines
Japanese and Peruvian flavours in
“Nikkei” dishes such as seared tuna
tartare with avocado and crispy
yucca.
But I find myself gravitating
towards the middle bracket. Fosh’s
talk of “great tapas bars” is visible in
La Rosa Vermutería, a haven of small
plates and style that opened last July,
but has already built a loyal clientele.
When I visit on a Saturday evening,
waiters flit between the tables as a
ceaseless buzz of conversation ebbs
across platters of cod croquetas, calamari skewers and pork-and-fig paté.
The pace is at least a little less
flustered the following lunchtime at
the Centre Cultural de S’Escorxador
— a former meat-packing complex,
now the San Juan Gastronomic Mar-
ket. Here, under thick wood beams
and retained metal pipes, delicate
morsels of steak and ruddy slices of
jamon are devoured by everyone
from new mothers to teenagers to
retired men. Seventeen stalls are
fixed to the perimeter, and whether
your appetite demands Basque pintxos, Balearic fish or Thai chicken
curry, you can sate it here.
hree kilometres north of
the waterfront, the market
is also proof that Palma’s
love of its next meal flows beyond its
immediate core. It infiltrates the Mercado Municipal in the northeasterly
district of Pere Garau — where
salmon, tuna, squid and eel gleam on
T
marble slabs opposite baskets of
fresh walnuts. It infuses the sibling
market in westerly Santa Catalina,
where island wine is sold for as little
as à1.85 a litre but new influences are
also saluted at the Arume Sushi Bar.
And it all comes together in the relatively central Mercat de L’Olivar,
where every imaginable edible seems
to exist — from candied fruits to
caviar.
I meander through the latter with
Marcel Ress, a 27-year-old German
who came to Palma to work for Fosh
when he was 21. Six years on, he has
just won Top Chef, Spain’s version of
MasterChef. Next month, he will
launch a cookery school and show
kitchen (villa-wesco.com) in
Santa Maria del Camí — a pretty
town, flanked by vineyards, 20km
northeast of the city.
Today, though, he is focused on
another of his roles — as part of
Chefs(In), a collective of Balearicsbased foodsmiths, several of them
Michelin listed, which offers culinary
experiences beyond the restaurant.
These range from guided tapas tours
to a “Hidden Kitchen” — a one-night
pop-up, created once a month in
venues as varied as shops and closed
railway stations, the location only
revealed on the evening, the guest list
restricted to 16 people, and tickets
available to first responders via the
group’s website and Twitter feed.
“There is so much happening
here,” Ress muses. “I came to Palma
for challenge and opportunity — I
found both.” Inquisitive visitors to
Majorca will find it just as appetising.
— © The Sunday Telegraph
75420B
February 28 2016
TRAVEL ADVICE
36
February 28 2016
Ask
Andrew
ANDREW
UNSWORTH
We can help with your
destination dilemmas, visa
puzzles and itinerary ideas. E-mail
[email protected]
POSITIVELY
PICTURESQUE:
The Italian town
of Positano
hugs the cliffs
of the Amalfi
Coast. Hotel
rooms can be
hard to find
WHEN IN PARIS, EAT OUT
My wife and I plan a romantic getaway to
Paris, Venice, Rome and Positano and
would welcome any help in making the
whole experience as enjoyable as
possible. We would like to spend as
much time in Positano as possible and
travel around from there, as well as
spend at least two nights in each place.
We had thought of renting a selfservice apartment in Paris. What
accommodation would you recommend
in Venice (we prefer quiet)? And in
Positano? — Donald McDonald
The itinerary you sketched out (not printed
here) seems fine, although only allowing two
nights in Venice and Rome might prove
frustrating as it allows little time to sightsee.
On a busy trip it is usually best to transfer
between cities by plane, to save time, but
within Italy, for example to and from
Positano, you could travel by train.
In Paris you should stay in a B&B hotel
rather than self-catering. Apart from
breakfast, which a B&B provides quite
adequately, you would hardly be cooking for
yourselves on such a short stay — if you’re
not eating out, why go to Paris?
I recently advised another reader on
accommodation in Venice, with many
positano.com
options on booking.com,
tripadvisor.co.za, and trivago.co.za.
These included the Hotel Arlecchino, which a
reader advised me would only cost about
R7 200 for two nights. Venice is the quietest
of cities as it has no cars.
Positano hotels are tightly booked on the
same websites, with many full. The prices
range from a worrying R11 130 for five nights
at the La Tavolozza Residence, through to
more than R100 000. The Hotel Posa Posa is
a reasonable R23 000 for five nights.
FRIDA KAHLO SLEPT HERE
I am interested in visiting Mexico and,
inspired by Salma Hayek’s portrayal of
her in the film Frida, I would like to
include seeing the work of the artist
Frida Kahlo and places associated with
Londres 247, Del Carmen, Coyoacán.
The Museo Dolores Olmedo focuses on
Mexican artists from pre-colonialist days to
contemporary work. It has 25 Kahlo
paintings, as well as some of her sketches
and drawings. The museum is at Avenida
México 5843, La Noria, and is open
10am–6pm (closed Mondays).
The Museo de Arte Moderno in
Chapultepec Park has several of her
paintings, including The Two Fridas in which
she painted herself in both European and
indigenous Mexican clothing. Avenida Paseo
de la Reforma S/N, Miguel Hidalgo; open
10:15am–5:30pm (closed Mondays).
The Museo Casa Estudio Diego Rivera y
Frida Kahlo in San Ángel is another home
they lived in. It is two buildings joined by a
walkway; they lived in the separate areas for
a year after their divorce in 1939, and then
remarried.
her. Do you have any suggestions?
— Elizabeth Jones
There are a number of places in Mexico City
where you can trace Kahlo and her husband
Diego Rivera — during her life his work
overshadowed hers. Since her death in 1954
she has become far more famous.
Her home since childhood was the Blue
House (La Casa Azul), now the Frida Kahlo
Museum. It has none of her major paintings
but has many of her personal possessions.
She and Rivera lived here, and so there are
also works by him. The house is in Coyoacán,
an attractive area in the south of the capital,
and is itself beautiful, with high ceilings and
a very Mexican garden.
Book tickets online as there can be a
queue at the house. It is open 11am–5:30pm
Wednesdays and 10am–5:30pm all other days
except Mondays, when it is closed. It is at
7 NIGHTS IN MAGICAL MAURITIUS
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WHILE YOU’RE THERE...
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• Enjoy your all-inclusive food and drinks
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• Relax in the beautiful swimming pool or
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WHAT’S INCLUDED
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PRICES BASED ON 16 APR 2016
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Call now on 0861 600
SAME DAY QUOTE
SAFE & SECURE PAYMENTS
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Opening Hours: Monday - Friday 9AM - 7PM Saturday 9AM - 4PM Sunday 10AM - 4PM. All prices are based on 2 adults sharing, ights are from Johannesburg but other options are available at a supplement.
OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK
READER’S COMPETITION
February 28 2016
37
WHERE
IN THE
WORLD?
A boat makes its way around
Padre Butte in this famous
reservoir on the Colorado River,
straddling the border between
Utah and Arizona. It is a major US
holiday destination, attracting
around 2 million visitors every
year. The reservoir provides water
for Nevada, Arizona and
California but a severe drought in
recent years has reduced its
levels to only about 42% of its
capacity. To stand a chance of
winning R500, tell us the name
of the reservoir.
Send your answer (ONE entry
per person) with your name and
address to
[email protected].
Entries close at noon on Tuesday
March 1.
■ Last week’s winner is Carol
Keep of East London. The correct
answer was Berne.
REUTERS
PRICES FROM
G R A N D VOYAG E F R O M V E N I C E TO S O U T H A F R I CA
R32,999
pp
25 NIGHTS DEPARTING 7 OCTOBER 2016
FREE NIGHT HOTEL
STAY IN VENICE
FREE OUTSIDE
TO BALCONY
UPGRADE
YOUR HOLIDAY INCLUDES:
1-night hotel stay in Venice
24-night full-board cruise on board
MSC Sinfonia
Outbound flight & taxes
Begin your adventure
in Venice where you’ll
spend a night in a
hotel before boarding
the MSC Sinfonia.
through Egypt’s mighty Suez
Canal you’ll stop in Eilat, a
good-time resor t on Israel’s
Red Sea coast.
You’ll then travel on to
Aqaba in Jordan, renowned
After setting sail, your first
for its scuba diving and
por t of call is the gateway
kaleidoscope of coral reef.
to Olympus - Katakolon in
After leisurely days at
Greece, one of the Seven
sea, you’ll be mesmerised
Wonders of the World
as you cruise in to the
with the original Olympic
Seychelles calling at Por t
Stadium.
Victoria. Heading on to
your next tropical paradise
Next you’ll dock at
– Mauritius, you’ll dock
Heraklion, in Crete, famous overnight here in Por t
for the incredible preserved Louis, giving you plenty of
murals of Knossos. Sailing
time to explore.
Sailing back towards South
Africa, you’ll stop off at
La Possession on the
volcanic Reunion Island
which is covered in lush
forests, sandy beaches and
the Piton de la Fournaise
volcano.
With 26 nights of incredible
destinations under your
belt, we’re sure you’ll be
going back in to Durban
with extremely fond
memories of a magnificent
cruise holiday.
ON BOARD MSC SINFONIA
MSC Sinfonia may be a small
cruise ship by today’s leviathan
standards but she still manages
to encompass a lot of comfort,
quality and choice for her guests.
From active to relaxing holidays,
the MSC Sinfonia manages to
provide a setting for both.
25 NIGHTS DEPARTING 7 OCTOBER 2016
CRUISE ITINERARY:
Venice • Katakolon • Heraklion
Suez Canal • Eilat • Aqaba • Port Victoria
Port Louis • La Possession • Durban
PRICES FROM
INSIDE
R32,999pp
BALCONY
SOLD OUT
OUTSIDE
R36,999pp
SUITE
SOLD OUT
OUTBOUND FLIGHT & TAXES INCLUDED
CALL NOW ON
0861 500 600
OR VISIT
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OPENING HOURS: MONDAY - FRIDAY 9AM - 7PM SATURDAY 9AM - 4PM SUNDAY 10AM - 4PM.
ALL PRICES ARE BASED ON 2 ADULTS SHARING, FLIGHTS ARE FROM JOHANNESBURG BUT OTHER OPTIONS ARE AVAILABLE AT A SUPPLEMENT.
CAPE TOWN
CAPE
WEST COAST
SLEEP EASY HOTEL
LANGEBAAN STUDIOS
On the beach, kitesurf
Tel: 022 772 2062
www.speelhuis.co.za
1.5km to V&A Waterfront.
• Double & Family Rooms
• Secure Parking
• Kitchen & Dining Facility
• Air Conditioned
• Group Prices
From R400
per night
PIETERMARITZBURG
ASCOT INN
Tel : 033 386 2226
DURBAN
www.sleepeasy.co.za
Tel 021 439 9011
157 Main Road,
Green Point, Cape Town
DURBAN
28 Currie Road- Durban
[email protected]
031 201 1145
Isando-Primrose-Kempton Park
SOUTH COAST-SOUTHPORT
R2.00 p/n sleeps 2 people
House slps 9, Flat slps 4.
039 695 0639 or
083 329 0101
www.degrootedam.co.za
NATAL
NORTH COAST
QUAESTOR
Spacious
Self catering
units for an ideal
family holiday
STAR HOLIDAY
APARTMENTS
Luxury Accommodation
5 minutes to Waterfront
[email protected]
Umdloti & St. Lucia
www.starapartments.co.za
031 572 2800
083 786 8434
CAPE TOWN
BLOUBERGSTRAND
Tel : (021) 554-3484
www.castle-estates.co.za
Camps Bay Apartments
Walk to beach
Tel: 021 438 5560
www.campsbayresort.com
HOUT BAY
COTTAGES
Across the road from
0DULQHUV:KDUIDQG%HDFK
DURBAN
BEACHFRONT
SELF CATERING FLATS
R799 - R999
2-4-6 Sleepers
27 MARINE PARADE /
FRONTLINE
Groups/ Schools
Churches Welcome
PHN 031 207 4584
084 353 5902
Golden Mile !!!
RON 083 283 3234
9am - 4h30pm (Mon-Fri)
10am - 1pm (Sat)
Mouille Point Apartments
www.holidayflatsdbn.co.za
[email protected]
Sea facing, walk promenade
Tel: 021 430 9160
www.mouillepoint.com
V&A Waterfront apartments
Tel: 021 421 5040
www.waterfrontvillage.com
EASTERN CAPE
PORT ALFRED
Spinning Reel Beach
Cottages, Chalets
Valley View
Holiday Apartments
Fully equipped, serviced,
S/C apartments suitable for
holiday or business. Near
Ushaka Marina World.
'
031 368 4948
Email: [email protected]
www.wheretostay.co.za/valleyview
2 Bdr Serviced apartment
with braai, sea views & pool
Tel: 028 312 1799
leparadis.co.za
011 394 7358
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MPUMALANGA
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Tel: 035 590 1037
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24/7. 071 271 7033
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sleeping 6
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fashion
Sunday Times
PHOTOGRAPHER CHRIS SAUNDERS SNAPS JHB’S FINEST
ESSENTIAL STREET-STYLE SHOPPING
Open an Edgars Account
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pay
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GMS0154
PAGE 40
FEBRUARY 28 2016
{ FASHION }
SO STREET
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
1. All-black everything
2. Floyd Manotana
3. Stars and stripes
Gloves, R799, Pringle of
Scotland (011) 783-4355;
Calvin Klein jersey, R2 899,
Edgars edgars.co.za
Boat shoes, R1 299, Country Road
woolworths.co.za; Tom Ford sunglasses,
R4 186, SDM Eyewear (011) 334-7020
Sneakers, R700, Converse
(011) 883-0458; Butan sweatpants,
R649, Spree spree.co.za
4. Wotalotigot!
5. Mbali Mbakes and Khumo Pulumo
6. Modern military
Sweater, R599, H&M
hm.com/za; jeans,
R3 300, Replay
(011) 783-1233
Boots, R1 999, Dr Martens (011)
880-6543; sleeveless denim
jacket, R200, Mr Price mrp.com
Boots, R3 990, Clarks (011)
616-0328; jacket, R1 219,
River Island (011) 214-7781
FEBRUARY 28 2016
PAGE 41
{ FASHION }
Photographer and filmmaker Chris Saunders (@mrmofosaunders) shows us whose style is
Photography: Chris Saunders
catching his eye on the streets of Gauteng – and we show you how to dress the part
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
7. Mongezi Stuurman
8. Jamal Nxedlana
9. Khumo Pulumo and Mbali Mbakes
Kilt, R1 850,
Reminiscene
(011) 726-7905;
blazer, R899,
H&M hm.com/za
Ray-Ban spectacles, R1 400,
Luxottica luxottica.com; trench
coat, R1 649, River Island
(011) 214-7781
Butan cap, R299, Spree
spree.co.za; T-shirt, R80,
Mr Price mrp.com; jeans,
R2 999, Replay (011)
783-1233
10. Khaya Sithole
11. Khaya Nsibande
12. Mpumeleo Mahlungu
Shoes, R1 795, Kurt
Geiger (011) 7834653; trousers, R399,
jacket, R899, both
H&M hm.com/za
Hat, R600, Simon and Mary
simonandmary.co.za; Tokyo
Laundry parka, R899, Spree
spree.co.za
Bucket hat, R70, backpack,
R100, both Mr Price mrp.com;
boots, R1 699, Palladium
(011) 880-6213
food
Sunday Times
LIFE’S A TONIC IN KZN
SUPER BLUEBERRIES
FIVE WAYS WITH CHICKEN
THE RESTAURANT
THE LOWDOWN
DISTILLERY 031 , DURBAN
Glynis Horning discovers the spirit of Durbs
T says something about Distillery 031
that I have been back three times in
10 days — not for its excellent limitededition “artisanal spirits” (curse the
term), or its equally on-trend upcycled
nursery fare (truffled biltong mac ’n’ cheese
balls, anyone?) and gourmet burgers, but
for its tonic water and pud.
The tonic water exemplifies all that is
special about the place — fresh, edgy and so
finely flavoured it can stand tall and proud
dressed only in ice and a lime wedge.
This ultimate Durban heat-and-thirst
buster is the product of a man the world
knows as creative brand strategist and
entrepreneur Andrew Rall, but who
Distillery 031 mixologist Jason Andrews
refers to reverently as “the Alchemist”.
When Rall is not creating cunning
campaigns for clients, his passion
is conjuring unique spirits from KwaZulu-
I
Natal sugar cane and indigenous
botanicals. What began as a small backyard
distillery now occupies airy premises in
the Station Drive precinct he has turned
into The Foundry.
The Foundry is a tribute to Rall’s skill
in creating striking but smooth blends;
tenants range from designers and coffee
importers to a co-op where members can
use laser cutters and 3-D printers to create
anything from skateboards to the distinctive
signs on the walls of Distillery 031.
These frame an attractive space with
high ceilings and big industrial windows.
A hatch opens onto a kitchen where UKtrained chefs Jordan Semple and Nat Green
concoct dishes to complement the
Alchemist’s vodka, cachaça, gin, spiced rum
and absinthe, also showcased in cocktails.
The short menu starts with those
mac ’n’ cheese balls, truffled fries and
MASTER BREWER
crispy spirals of zucchini spiked with
cayenne and paprika. Aside from an
interesting Asian wors roll with deep-fried
ginger, seaweed and sesame seeds, the
mains are all burgers — and all good.
My son declared the Chicken Lickin’ (a
kitke bun bulging with grilled breast,
chakalaka jam, red pickled onions and
sweet mustard sauce) the best he’d eaten,
and my Veg (a fat patty of tomato,
aubergine and oozy mozzarella topped
with pesto) was a treat.
It’s the tonic water, however, that will
keep me going back — and the housechurned distillery-inspired ice creams and
sorbets of the day (think rum and fresh
mint), and a Baked Alaska in a Cuppa
that’s sheer magic. Alchemy indeed.
2nd floor, The Foundry, 43 Station
Drive, 087 941 4540, distiller y031.com
Price: R400 will get two of you three
courses and a cocktail each. (Around
R30 for starters and sides, R70 for
mains, R40 for desserts, R50 for
cocktails and R25 for spirits).
Vibe: Laid back, especially as the
cocktails kick in, but fine to bring
kids before dark.
What to wear: Jeans and sneakers,
with beards and wood-frame specs.
If it had a soundtrack: Prohibitionstyle electro swing.
People who will like it: Hipsters,
musos, moms in hand-knit sweaters
bearing bags of organic veg from
Morning Trade market around the
corner.
People who will not like it: Suits
and die-hard brand brothers (“I'm a
J&B man”).
Hot tips: Catch the Still Sessions,
first Thursday of the Month from
6.30pm, cool live sounds of all sorts.
SCORECARD (out of 5)
Food: 4
Ambience: 4
Service: 4
Value for Money: 4
Total: 16/20
PAGE 44
{ FOOD }
FEBRUARY 28 2016
in season
BLUEBERRIES
GRILL
HILLS
■
I love blueberries. Apart from
scoffing them straight out of
the punnet, is there a recipe that
combines them into a salad that’s
healthy and super quick to put
together? — Agnes, Cape Town
■
Blueberries are considered a
superfood because they contain
the highest levels of antioxidants of all
fruits. They are high in fibre, low in
kilojoules and are packed with vitamin
C and K. The blueberry has become
highly sought-after and more South
African farmers are producing local
berries. This has made prices more
competitive, so tuck in while the
season lasts. Try the gorgeous
nuggets of deliciousness in a salad
that meets all your criteria — healthy,
quick to make and combined with a
lightly curried dressing that works well
with the sweetness of the berry.
MEET THE
BREWER
For 13 years, Scottish
brewery Innis & Gunn has been
stoking demand for its beers.
Nick Mulgrew talks to founder
and head brewer Dougal Sharp
WIN A SUNDAY
TIMES FOOD WEEKLY
COOKBOOK 4
Not sure of an ingredient? Need
a recipe? Or are you simply
baffled by a piece of kitchen
equipment? Hilary Biller can help.
Send your Grill Hills query
to [email protected].
For every query published, the
writer will receive a copy of our
latest cookbook.
Is this your first time into South Africa?
Yeah. It’s amazing what’s happening here.
This is my 30th year in the beer industry,
and what’s happening here is very similar
to how it was in what you would now call
“developed” beer markets, like Sweden
and Canada: a place dominated by big
brands, but with educated consumers
who are keen to learn.
SPINACH & BLUEBERRY SALAD WITH
LIGHT CURRY DRESSING
SERVES 4 EASY 15 MINS
1 packet baby spinach leaves
250ml (1 cup) fresh blueberries or
combination of berries
1 red onion, finely sliced
A handful pecan nuts, toasted
Dressing:
45ml (3 tbsp) sunflower oil
30ml (2 tbsp) rice vinegar
20ml (4 tsp) runny honey
5ml (1 tsp) curry paste
Salt and pepper, to taste
WINE
Combine the spinach, blueberries,
red onion and nuts in a bowl. In a
separate bowl, whisk the dressing
ingredients until well combined. Pour
the dressing over the salad and serve.
— Recipe and styling by Raphaella
Frame-Tolmie and photography by
Sean Calitz, contributors to the
Sunday Times Food Weekly
Cookbook 4
By Joanne Gibson
Midas touch
Would you spend R1.3-million on a
single bottle of wine? As media
hype would have it, someone did
exactly that at last weekend’s AfrAsia
Cape Wine Auction, which raised
R15-million to further life skills,
education and training in the
winelands. The wine was the
maiden bottle of Touch Warwick
Cabernet Sauvignon 2014, the result
of a joint venture between Mark
Ratcliffe of Warwick Wine Estate
and DJ Thabo “TBo Touch” Molefe.
Oh, and it came with a three-day
luxury golf tour for 10 people,
including accommodation, lunches
at different wineries, and a private
dinner at Warwick — all in the
company of Ratcliffe and Molefe. In
other words, it was R1.3-million
spent on a once-in-a-lifetime
experience rather than on a single
bottle of wine. And every cent
raised went directly, without offset
or deductions, to the 19
beneficiaries of the Cape Wine
Auction Trust.
I’m left wondering why, for
example, the Meerlust lot went
under the hammer for “only”
R250 000 (including an all-inclusive
luxury rail trip for two, a private
lunch for eight in the Meerlust
homestead, and 30 750ml bottles,
six magnums, three doublemagnums AND a jeroboam of
Meerlust Cabernet Franc 2014), or
why the Constantia Glen/Liz
McGrath lot was such a steal at
R125 000 (for an 18-litre melchior
of Constantia Glen Five 2010, a
scenic helicopter trip, a two-night
stay for eight at the Marine Hotel in
Hermanus, and an exclusive dinner
for eight). Perhaps the Touch
Warwick bidding frenzy hints at
even greater spending/philanthropy
in 2017? The wine itself will launch
for around R500/bottle on June 23.
Sign up to the waiting list at
www.TouchWarwick.com.
Why do you think you’re doing so well in
these markets?
I think there’s a worldwide trend to reject
the mainstream. But it goes deeper. Big
breweries have only made beer for one
thing: refreshment. It’s cold, it’s fizzy, you
can chug it, and it’s perfect for that. But
that’s like saying the only wine is
prosecco! It’s perfectly good, but you just
want more choice. That’s the awakening
I’ve seen: it isn’t just about refreshment
anymore.
A lot of this change is driven by Scottish
breweries, like yourselves and Brewdog.
Why is Scotland so good at beer?
We can’t help but be influenced by the
spirits industry. Scotch whisky is a global
icon. We have a lot of experience with
brewing and distilling, but we also have
great materials and great water. Most of all,
we have an attitude of “F*** it, just do it.”
What exactly – apart from making your
beer delicious – does oak-ageing do?
Oak turbocharges beer. Like a well-oaked
wine, oak-aged beer has increased and
prolonged mouthfeel, with new flavour
variables and compounds that can be
introduced. When we began, every batch
of our beer went into oak barrels, but
now we have a new thing called the
Oakerator. Now we don’t put the beer in
the barrel, we put the barrel in the beer.
It’s better at getting the right flavours.
Any advice for South African brewers?
Quality is everything. You have to believe
passionately in what you’re selling. Never
forget the people who are paying for your
product are your biggest asset. When
someone spends R35 on your beer, it’s
got to be good. I take that contract of
trust seriously. I don’t push stuff onto
people. I often say to the team that our
job isn’t to tell people what to drink, it’s to
find out what people want and to give it
to them.
That’s a refreshing philosophy.
Well, we’re here to serve, you know. The
funny thing is that we don’t always make
beers that I particularly like. But I’m a
Scotsman: I’ll f***king drink anything.
PAGE 46
{ FOOD }
FEBRUARY 28 2016
1
FIVE
WAYS
WITH
CHICKEN
Recipes, styling and photography: Hein van Tonder
1. CHICKEN ROASTED IN WHITE WINE WITH LEMON & HERBS
Olive oil for frying
6 chicken thighs
3 garlic cloves, mashed
125ml (½ cup) dry white wine
125ml (½ cup) chicken stock
Zest and juice of 1 lemon (use a
vegetable peeler)
80ml (1/3 cup) mixed fresh herbs,
chopped (sage, parsley and rosemary)
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
Pre-heat oven to 200°C. In a large
frying pan, heat the olive oil and fry
the chicken until golden brown.
Remove from the pan and fry the
garlic until soft. Add wine, stock,
lemon zest, juice and herbs and bring
to a boil. Add chicken, season and
roast for 20–30 minutes until the
juices run clear. Serve with couscous
and a crunchy fresh salad.
FEBRUARY 28 2016
PAGE 47
{ FOOD }
2. ASIAN-INSPIRED PULLED
CHICKEN SALAD
500ml (2 cups) cooked chicken, shredded
Salad:
250ml (1 cup) shredded baby cabbage
2 spring onions, thinly sliced
2 carrots, grated
1 cucumber, sliced into strips
125ml (½ cup) chopped fresh mint
125ml ½ cup chopped coriander or
parsley
Dressing:
30ml (2 tbsp) lime juice
30ml (2 tbsp) rice wine vinegar
15ml (1 tbsp) chilli sauce (like sriracha)
1 clove garlic, mashed
15ml (1 tbsp) sugar
15ml (1 tbsp) fish sauce
15ml (1 tbsp) low-sodium soy sauce
15ml (1 tbsp) sesame oil
To serve:
45ml (3 tbsp) roughly chopped peanuts
Sliced chilli (optional)
2
3
4
5
Combine dressing ingredients and whisk
until the sugar has dissolved. Add chicken
and mix well. Combine salad ingredients
and top with the dressed chicken. Toss the
salad gently, sprinkle with the peanuts and
chilli and serve.
3. GINGER BEER & HONEY
WINGS WITH CHILLI & LIME
YOGHURT
SERVES 3-4 EASY 2 HRS 40 MINS
8-10 chicken wings, split
Marinade:
250ml (1 cup) ginger beer
1 thumb fresh ginger, grated
3 cloves of garlic, mashed
1 chilli, roughly chopped
Zest of 1 lime
2.5ml (½ tsp) salt
Glaze:
45ml (3 tbsp) honey
20ml (1½ tbsp) soy sauce
Chilli & Lime Yoghurt Dipping Sauce:
60ml (¼ cup) double cream yoghurt
1 bird’s eye chilli, finely chopped
Pinch of salt
Combine marinade ingredients and
marinate the wings for at least 2 hours.
Preheat oven to 200°C and line a baking
tray with baking paper. Remove wings
from marinade and place on the baking
tray. Mix the glaze ingredients and baste
the wings with half of the glaze. Roast the
basted wings for about 25 minutes until
cooked through and golden brown,
basting again after 10 minutes of roasting.
Mix the dipping sauce ingredients and
serve with the hot wings.
4. PERI PERI CHICKEN AND
POTATOES
SERVES 4 EASY 1 HR 30 MINS
1 whole chicken
700g potatoes, thinly sliced and covered
with cold water until needed
Salt
Leaves from a few sprigs of thyme
Peri Peri Marinade:
2 smoked jalapeño chillies or 15ml (3 tsp)
chipotle paste (or more to taste)
5ml (1 tsp) dried chilli flakes (or more)
30ml (2 tbsp) smoked paprika
5 cloves of garlic
2cm root ginger, peeled and sliced
60ml (¼ cup) red or white wine vinegar
60ml (¼ cup) olive oil
15ml (1 tbsp) dark brown sugar
15ml (1 tbsp) salt
A good squeeze of lemon juice
Fresh limes for serving
Preheat oven to 200°C. Rinse chicken
inside and out and pat dry. Cut along both
sides of the backbone to remove it. Turn
the bird over and press flat. Blend the
marinade ingredients to a paste. Brush
marinade on the bottom of a roasting
pan. Pat the potatoes dry, place them on
top of the marinade and sprinkle with salt
and thyme. Brush the chicken all over
with about half of the marinade (don’t
worry if some ends up on the potatoes).
Place the chicken skin side down on the
potatoes and roast for 15 minutes. Turn
the chicken over, brush with half of the
leftover marinade and roast for a further
15 minutes. Brush the chicken again with
the last bit of marinade and roast for a
further 20 minutes until the juices run
clear when you pierce the thigh. Grill the
chicken for about 10 minutes to allow the
skin to crisp. Serve with a few wedges of
lime to squeeze over the chicken. —
Recipe adapted from ‘Feasting at Home’
by Sylvia Fountaine
5. HARISSA CHICKEN
BREASTS ON HERBED
CAULI RICE
SERVES 4 EASY 1 HR
4 skinless chicken breasts
Harissa:
2 x red bell peppers, char-grilled
and skins removed
3 garlic cloves, crushed
2-5 fresh red chillies (adjust to taste)
15ml (1 tbsp) caraway seeds
15ml (1 tbsp) dried mint
5ml (1 tsp) ground coriander
5ml (1 tsp) ground cumin
5ml (1 tsp) sugar
5ml (1 tsp) salt
75ml olive oil
Cauliflower Rice:
1 x 500g head of cauliflower
15ml (1 tbsp) olive oil
30ml (2 tbsp) water
2.5ml (½ tsp) salt
Handful of chopped fresh herbs
Process harissa ingredients to a smooth
paste, drizzling the oil into the bowl.
Slice the breasts in half lengthwise (not
right through) and open to flatten
them. Spread breasts with harissa and
allow to marinate. Pulse the cauliflower
florets to resemble fresh breadcrumbs
in a food processor. Stir fry the
cauliflower with the oil and water for
about 4 minutes. Add salt and keep
warm. Heat a pan to medium high and
cook chicken breasts on each side until
cooked through but still juicy. Mix the
herbs into the cauliflower rice and
serve with the chicken and extra harissa
on the side.
review
Sunday Times
REBECCA DAVIS
An
immortal,
mirthless
mystery
O
IN NERDFACE: The cast of ’The Big Bang Theory’ from left, Jim Parsons (Sheldon), Johnny Galecki (Leonard), Kaley Cuoco (Penny), Simon
Helberg (Howard) and Kunal Nayyar (Raj)
context and shifting cultural references and whatever other intelligent counter-points you want to
throw at me. But in truth, I find that
the greatest difficulty confronting
my hypothesis is the existence of
American sitcom The Big Bang
Theory.
The Big Bang Theory is not just
any American sitcom. It is the most
popular TV show in the US, and its
impact extends well beyond that
country’s borders. If you’ve ever
Funniness of TBBT
VER a few glasses of
wine the other day, I
was holding forth about
one of my pet theories.
In short, it goes like this: I think
that humanity’s collective sense of
humour is improving over generations. The major piece of evidence
I have for this is Shakespeare’s
comedies. Back in the day, there
wasn’t a dry underpant in the Globe
Theatre when one of Shakespeare’s
characters was undertaking those
painfully unfunny cross-dressing
routines. These days, if you claim to
find Shakespeare genuinely amusing you are either (a) an English
teacher or (b) lying so that people
will think you’re clever. Now we
have comic material at our disposal
which is genuinely humorous, so
we are no longer forced to squeeze
out a chuckle at the sight of a man
wearing a garter.
I am the first to concede that this
theory — that everything’s getting
funnier — is not exactly bulletproof. Yes, yes, I understand about
Years that TBBT has dragged on for
been on an international flight, it’s
virtually guaranteed that one of
your viewing choices was a few
episodes of the show. If there’s a
hotel TV somewhere broadcasting
English-medium series, The Big
Bang Theory will be on it.
If you have somehow avoided being exposed to the show, I cannot
improve upon the description a
friend offered: “That’s the one with
the tall nerd who has two other
small nerds who gather around
him, right?” Correct.
What is the secret of The Big
Bang Theory’s universal reach?
This, to me, is a riddle without an
answer. If I were a character on The
Big Bang Theory, I would compare
that question to “the Fermat-Cata-
lan conjecture”, or some other
mathematical puzzle that has never
been solved, and then there would
be 30 seconds of canned laughter.
To check whether I was alone in
finding the sitcom almost entirely
guffaw-free, I ran a Twitter poll. I
found the results an enormous relief. Of the 984 votes cast, 62% did
not find The Big Bang Theory funny,
for varying reasons.
One person suggested it was
“nerd blackface”, which is not an
argument I care to pursue in the
current climate. As for me, I’d honestly rather watch the bit in Midsummer Night’s Dream when the
dude turns into a donkey than sit
through a full season of The Big
Bang Theory.
SUNDAY 28 February
e.tv
Family | 23:00 Gospel Gold
SABC2
Television with
MATTHEW VICE
Write to
[email protected]
SABC1
06:00 Siyakholwa | 06:30 Bonisanani |
7:00 Hurray for Huckle | 07:30 YoT V
Ntunjambili: Twin Caves | 08:00 YoT V
Furry Tales | 08:15 YoTV Zenzele |
08:30 Matt Hatter Chronicles | 9:00
Mzansi Insider | 10:00 Gospel Gold |
11:00 i-DENTITY | 11:30 Chatroom |
12:00 Big Up | 12:30 Uzalo (three
episodes) | 14:00 The Real Goboza |
14:30 Premiership soccer build-up |
15:00 Golden Arrows v Platinum
Stars | 17:30 Kulcha Kwest | 18:00
Remix | 18:30 Stumbo Stomp
amaPantsula |19:00 News | 19:30
Sunday Live | 20:00 Ngempela (two
episodes) | 21:00 FILM: The Pursuit of
Happiness (2006) (13) Oscar-nominated
drama. With Will Smith and Jaden Smith |
22:00 Family Bonds | 22:30 My Perfect
06:00 Thabang Thabong | 06:30 Disney’s
A.N.T. Farm | 06:57 Motheo | 07:00
Morning Live | 08:30 Simcha | 09:00
Issues of Faith | 10:00 Hosanna | 10:30
Psalted | 11:00 Saath Phere (two
episodes) | 12:00 Sitcom | 13:00 Pasella |
14:30 50/50 | 15:30 7de Laan (five
episodes) | 17:00 Person of Interest |
18:00 News | 18:30 Fokus | 19:00 Nuus |
19:30 Skwizas | 20:00 It’s Gospel Time |
21:00 Documentary | 22:00 The Secret
Circle | 23:00 Smallville
SABC3
05:00 AM Shopping | 05:30 A New Day |
06:00 An Nur | 06:30 Sadhana | 07:00
I Am a Work of Art | 07:30 Nutri
Ventures | 08:00 On Track | 08:30
Jakkals Jol | 09:00 Young Designers |
09:30 Made in SA | 10:00 Technorati |
10:30 Isidingo (five episodes) | 12:30
Top Billing | 13:30 Mela | 14:30 FILM:
Alice Through the Looking Glass | 16:30
Amazing Race | 17:30 Secrets of Nature |
18:30 News @ 6:30 | 19:00 Interface |
19:27 21 Icons filler | 19:30 Hypoxia |
20:30 Special Assignment | 21:00 Louis
Theroux | 22:00 Classic Car Show |
23:00 Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
American
History X
e.tv, Channel 194,
22:50
If you like your crime
dramas both poignant
and a little hard to watch,
then you might enjoy this
Oscar-nominated film
about racial hatred. The
nomination went to
Edward Norton (Best
Actor) for his role as
Derek Vineyard, a white
supremacist who is sent
to prison after killing two
black men. He learns the
error of his ways in
prison and after he is
paroled, he tries to
prevent his brother from
going the same way.
05:00 Infomercials | 05:30 eShibobo |
06:00 Checkpoint | 06:30 The Tyrannus
Apostolic Church | 07:00 Grassroots |
07:30 Hillsong | 08:00 Peppa Pig |
08:05 Cool Catz | 08:30 The Fairly Odd
Parents | 09:00 NFL Rush Zone: Season
of the Guardians | 09:30 Shiz Niz |
10:00 Behind the Gospel | 11:00 Braxton
Family Values | 12:00 WWE Fast Lane |
15:00 America’s Got Talent | 16:00 Mar y
Mary | 17:00 WWE Raw | 18:00 eNews
Early Edition | 18:05 Mahadi Lobola |
18:30 Inkankatha |19:00 eNews Direct |
19:30 How I Met Your Mother | 20:00
FILM: The Amazing Spider-Man (2012)
(13) Yet another retelling of the origins of
the titular superhero | 22:50 FILM:
American History X (1998) (16) Crime
M-Net
07:00 The Ellen DeGeneres Show
(five episodes) | 11:05 The Voice South
Africa | 13:00 My Story | 14:00 Suits |
15:00 Chicago Med | 16:00 Modern
Family | 16:30 My Story | 17:30 The Voice
South Africa | 19:00 Carte Blanche |
20:05 FILM: Mortdecai (2015) (16)
Average crime comedy about an art
dealer trying to recover a painting. With
Johnny Depp and Gwyneth Paltrow |
22:10 Entertainment Now
PAGE 50
FEBRUARY 28 2016
{ TELEVISION }
MONDAY 29 February
TUESDAY 1 March
WEDNESDAY 2 March
SABC1
SABC1
SABC1
05:00 Aum | 05:02 Geleza Nathi | 06:00 Kids News
and Current Affairs 06:30 Zenzele | 06:45 Furry
Tales | 07:00 YoTV Land | 07:15 Ilitha Lethu | 07:30
Takalani Sesame | 08:00 Ngempela | 08:30 Isidingo |
09:00 Generations: The Legacy | 09:30 Muvhango |
10:00 Skeem Saam | 10:30 Nomzamo | 11:00 Shift |
12:00 Yilungelo Lakho | 13:00 Lunch Time News |
13:30 Making Moves | 14:30 Matt Hatter Chronicles |
15:00 YoTV Live | 16:00 Teenagers on a Mission |
16:30 One Day Leaders | 17:28 Aum | 17:30 News |
18:00 Now or Never | 18:30 Skeem Saam | 19:00
News | 19:30 My Perfect Family | 20:00 Generations:
The Legacy | 20:30 Uzalo | 21:00 Soccerzone |
22:00 My World | 23:00 Shift
05:00 Izwi La Bantu | 05:02 Geleza Nathi |
06:00 Kids News and Current Affairs 06:30 YoT V
Zenzele | 07:00 YoTV Land | 07:15 Ilitha Lethu |
07:30 Takalani Sesame | 08:00 The Bold and the
Beautiful | 08:30 Isidingo | 09:00 Generations: The
Legacy | 09:30 Muvhango | 10:00 Skeem Saam |
10:30 Nomzamo | 11:00 Shift | 12:00 Soccerzone |
13:00 Lunch Time News | 13:30 Ispani | 14:30
Chuggington | 15:00 YoTV Live | 16:00 Teenagers
on a Mission | 16:30
Shift | 17:28 Izwi La
Bantu | 17:30 News |
18:00 Nyan’ Nyan |
18:26 Vodacom Yebo
Millionaires |
18:30 Skeem Saam |
19:00 News | 19:30
Selimathunzi | 20:00
Generations: The
Legacy | 20:30 Uzalo |
21:00 Take Me Out |
22:00 Making Moves
05:00 Listen for a Moment | 05:02 Geleza Nathi |
06:00 Kids News and Current Affairs 06:30 Ken Do |
06:45 Mvubu and Friends | 07:00 YoTV Land |
07:15 Ilitha Lethu | 07:30 Takalani Sesame |
08:00 The Bold and the Beautiful | 08:30 Isidingo |
09:00 Generations: The Legacy | 09:30 Muvhango |
10:00 Skeem Saam | 10:30 Nomzamo | 11:00 Nyan’
Nyan | 11:30 Selimathunzi | 12:00 Khumbul’ekhaya
| 13:00 Lunch Time News | 13:30 Love Stories |
14:30 Hurray for Huckle! | 15:00 YoTV Live | 16:00
Bona Retsang | 16:30 My World | 17:28 Listen for a
Moment | 17:30 News | 18:00 Mokapelo | 18:30
Skeem Saam | 19:00 News | 19:30 Ses’ Top La |
20:00 Generations: The Legacy | 20:30 Uzalo |
21:00 Khumbul’ekhaya | 22:00 Sport @ 10
SABC2
05:30 Living Land | 05:57 Motheo | 06:00 Morning
Live | 08:00 Infomercials | 09:00 Tales from the
Calabash | 09:30 64 Zoo Lane | 10:00 Takalani
Sesame | 10:30 Rivoningo | 11:00 America’s
Supernanny | 12:00 Rands with Sense | 13:00 The
Dr Phil Show | 14:00 7de Laan | 14:30 Uzalo |
15:00 Skeem Saam | 15:30 Muvhango | 16:00 Hectic
Nine-9 | 17:00 Naruto | 17:30 News | 18:30 7de Laan
| 19:00 Nuus | 19:30 Mooiloop | 20:00 The Secret
Circle | 21:00 Muvhango | 21:30 Abo Mzala |
22:00 FILM: 2 Days in New York
SABC3
05:00 Deutsche Welle TV | 05:30 Takalani Sesame |
06:00 Expresso | 08:30 The Real | 09:30 Days of
Our Lives | 10:30 Interface | 11:00 Isidingo | 11:30
7de Laan | 12:00 Tropical Heat | 13:00 News @ 1 |
13:30 Africa News Update | 14:00 Hypoxia |
15:00 Extreme Makeover: Home Edition | 16:00
Afternoon Express | 17:00 Days of Our Lives | 18:00
The Bold and the Beautiful | 18:30 News @ 6:30 |
19:00 Isidingo | 19:30 High Rollers | 20:00 The
Office | 20:30 The Amazing Race | 21:30 Two Broke
Girls | 22:00 Chicago Fire | 23:00 Louis Theroux
e.tv
05:30 eNews Sunrise | 06:00 Sunrise | 08:30
Infomercials | 09:00 Rhythm City | 09:30 Scandal! |
10:00 e-Shibobo |
10:30 The Young and
the Restless | 11:30
Great Expectations |
12:00 Checkpoint |
12:30 Ashes to Ashes |
13:00 News Day |
13:30 WWE Superstars
| 14:30 Peppa Pig |
14:35 Cool Catz |
15:00 Ever ything’s
Rosie | 15:15 Fireman
The 88th Annual
Sam | 15:30 Power
Academy Awards
Rangers: Megaforce |
M-Net, Channel 101,
16:00 Sistahood |
03.30 and 19:30
16:30 The Steve
As
always,
we get our
Harvey Show |
recording of the annual
17:30 Seinfeld |
ceremony honouring the
18:00 Shikisha |
best movies of last year
18:30 eNews Direct |
the day after it takes
19:30 Scandal! |
place in the US. This
20:00 Gold Diggers |
year’s host in the big
Hollywood bash is Chris
20:30 Double-Up
Rock. A small sample of
Mzansi Style | 21:00
the nominated films
Ekasi: Our Stories |
include The Big Short,
22:00 FILM: Catch and
Bridge of Spies and Mad
Release | 00:20 FILM:
Max: Fury Road for Best
Virtual Storm
Picture; Bryan Cranston
(Trumbo), Matt Damon
M-Net
(The Martian) and Leo
07:00 Modern Family |
DiCaprio (The Revenant)
for Best Actor; and Cate
07:30 Blue Bloods |
Blanchett (Carol), Brie
08:30 Suits | 09:30
Larson (Room) and
FILM: Love Rosie |
Jennifer Lawrence (Joy)
11:30 Mom | 12:00
for Best Actress.
The Ellen DeGeneres
Show | 13:00
Masterchef Australia |
14:00 The Good Wife |
15:00 Shades of Blue |
16:00 Grey’s Anatomy | 17:00 The Ellen DeGeneres
Show | 18:00 The Goldbergs | 18:30 Masterchef
Australia | 19:30 The 88th Annual Academy Awards
| 22:30 Carte Blanche | 23:15 Zoo | 00:00 FILM: St
Vincent (2014) (13) Comedy drama. With Bill Murray,
Melissa McCarthy and Naomi Watts
Your Worst
Nightmare
ID Xtra, Channel 171,
22:00
This is a real crime series
that claims to use horrormovie techniques to
recreate the disturbing
stories featured in the
show. That could mean a
couple of things. While it
almost definitely means
it’s going to be as cheesy
as hell, it could also be in
poor taste or a passable
re-enactment. Given that
they mention “horrormovie techniques”, I
know which one I’d put
my money on. The
featured crime in this
episode is the case of a
couple in Allentown,
Pennsylvania, whose new
house is broken into. This
happens amid a series of
attacks and murders of
women in the same town.
SABC2
05:30 05:57 Motheo |
06:00 Morning Live |
08:00 Parliament: A
View From the House
| 08:30 Infomercials |
09:00 Inside the
Baobab Tree | 09:30
64 Zoo Lane | 10:00
Takalani Sesame |
10:30 Rivoningo |
11:00 Words and
Numbers | 11:30 My
Night | 12:00 Talk SA |
12:30 Golden Years |
13:00 Dr Phil | 14:00
7de Laan | 14:30
Uzalo | 15:00 Skeem
Saam | 15:30
Muvhango | 16:00
Hectic Nine-9 | 17:00
Dragonball GT 17:30
News | 18:30 7de
Laan | 19:00 Nuus |
19:30 Parys Parys |
20:00 Local drama |
21:00 Muvhango |
21:30 Visionaries Lounge | 22:00 It’s Gospel Time
SABC3
06:00 Expresso | 08:30 High Rollers | 09:00 The
Bold and the Beautiful | 09:30 Days of Our Lives |
10:30 High Rollers | 11:00 Isidingo | 11:30 7de Laan
| 12:00 Relic Hunter | 13:00 News @ 1 | 13:30 Africa
News Update | 14:00 Interface | 14:30 Curtain Call |
15:00 Hair Battle Spectacular 16:00 Afternoon
Express | 17:00 Days of Our Lives | 18:00 The Bold
and the Beautiful | 18:30 News @ 6:30 | 19:00
Isidingo | 19:30 High Rollers | 20:00 The Mentalist |
21:00 Nikita | 22:00 Botched | 23:00 Supernatural
SABC2
05:30 Living Land | 05:57 Op Pad | 06:00 Morning
Live | 08:00 Parliament: A View from the House |
08:30 Infomercials | 09:00 Inside the Baobab Tree |
09:30 64 Zoo Lane | 10:00 Takalani Sesame |
10:30 Rivoningo | 11:00 Sports Lifestyle Show |
11:30 HugaTree | 12:00 It’s For Life | 12:30 48 Hours
| 13:00 The Dr Phil Show | 14:00 7de Laan |
14:30 Uzalo | 15:00 Skeem Saam | 15:30 Muvhango |
16:00 Hectic Nine-9 | 17:00 Naruto | 17:30 News |
18:30 7de Laan | 19:00 Nuus | 19:30 Motswako |
20:00 Ngula Ya Vutivi/Zwa Maramani | 20:30
Vusaseki | 21:00 Live
Lotto Draw | 21:05
Muvhango | 21:30 90
Plein Street |
SABC3
05:00 Deutsche
Welle TV | 05:30
Takalani Sesame |
06:00 Expresso |
08:30 High Rollers
08:30 The Bold and
the Beautiful | 09:30
Days of Our Lives |
10:30 High Rollers |
11:00 Isidingo | 11:30
7de Laan | 12:00
S.W.A.T. | 13:00 News
@ 1 | 13:30 Africa
News Update | 14:00
Minute to Win It |
15:00 First Class All
the Way | 16:00
Afternoon Express |
17:00 Days of Our
Lives | 18:00 The
Bold and the
Beautiful |
18:30 News @ 6:30 |
19:00 Isidingo |
19:30 High Rollers |
20:00 The Mentalist |
21:00 Humans | 22:00
Man-Made Marvels
of the New SA
Global Effect
and Back to You
and Me
e.tv, Channel 194,
22:30 and 00:25
On this unremarkable
Wednesday, I had to
extend the time to 00:25
just to have something
interesting to put here.
e.tv shows a lot of
movies, so they miss as
often as they hit. Case in
point: Global Effect is an
awful virus-outbreak
action thriller written,
directed by and starring
no one you know and no
one you will remember,
while Back to You and Me,
starring Lisa Hartman as
a surgeon heading home
to do some soul searching
is a far better effort.
e.tv
e.tv
10:00 Shikisha | 10:30 The Young and the Restless |
11:30 Great Expectations | 12:30 Ashes to Ashes |
13:00 News Day | 13:30 WWE Experience | 14:30
Peppa Pig | 14:35 Cool Catz | 15:00 Dora the
Explorer | 15:30 Pokémon16:00 Craz-e Shiz Niz |
16:30 The Steve Harvey Show | 17:30 Seinfeld |
18:00 Turn Up and Dance | 18:30 eNews Prime
Time | 19:00 Rhythm City | 19:30 Scandal! | 20:00
Gold Diggers | 20:30 Shuga | 21:00 Powerball |
21:05 Traffic! | 21:35 Heist | 22:05 Checkpoint |
22:35 FILM: Sexual Predator (2007) (16) Okay horror
10:00 Turn Up and Dance | 10:30 The Young and
the Restless | 11:30 Supernanny | 12:30 Ashes to
Ashes | 13:00 News Day | 13:30 WWE: Smackdown |
14:30 Peppa Pig | 14:35 Cool Catz | 15:00 Mister
Maker | 15:30 Street Football | 16:00 Frenzy | 16:30
The Steve Harvey Show | 17:30 Modern Family |
18:00 MVP Jam | 18:30 eNews Direct | 19:00
Rhythm City | 19:30 Scandal! | 20:00 Gold Diggers |
20:30 WWE Main Event Battle | 21:30 Empire |
22:30 FILM: Global Effect (2002) (16) Action thriller |
00:25 FILM: Back to You and Me (2005) (PG) Drama
M-Net
M-Net
06:00 The Ellen DeGeneres Show | 07:00 The Big
Bang Theory | 07:30 Zoo | 08:30 My Story | 09:30
The Good Wife | 10:30 The Last Ship | 11:30 The
Middle | 12:00 The Ellen DeGeneres Show | 13:00
MasterChef Australia | 14:00 The Voice South
Africa | 16:00 Made in Hollywood | 17:00 The Ellen
DeGeneres Show | 18:00 Mom | 18:30 MasterChef
Australia | 19:30 Chicago Med | 20:30 Chicago Fire |
21:30 Chicago PD | 22:30 Made in Hollywood
07:00 The Goldbergs | 07:30 The Last Ship | 08:30
Made in Hollywood | 09:30 FILM: Paul Blart: Mall
Cop 2 | 11:30 Kevin from Work | 12:00 The Ellen
DeGeneres Show | 13:00 MasterChef Australia |
14:00 Chicago PD | 15:00 Made in Hollywood |
16:00 Chicago Med | 17:00 The Ellen DeGeneres
Show | 18:00 The Middle | 18:30 MasterChef
Australia | 19:30 Modern Family | 20:00 The Big
Bang Theory | 20:30 Shades of Blue | 21:30
American Crime | 22:30 Suits | 23:50 Chicago Fire
FEBRUARY 28 2016
PAGE 51
{ TELEVISION }
THURSDAY 3 March
FRIDAY 4 March
SATURDAY 5 March
SABC1
SABC1
SABC1
05:00 Journeys of Inspiration | 05:02 Geleza Nathi |
06:00 Kids’ News and Current Affairs | 06:30 YoT V
Act | 06:45 YoTV Mvubu and Friends | 07:00 YoT V
Land | 07:15 YoTV Ilitha Lethu | 07:30 Takalani
Sesame | 08:00 The Bold and the Beautiful |
08:30 Ngempela | 09:00 Generations: The Legacy |
09:30 Muvhango | 10:00 Skeem Saam | 10:30
Nomzamo | 11:00 The Chatroom | 11:30 100%
Youth | 12:00 Sports @ 10 | 13:00 Lunch Time News
| 13:30 Fan Base | 14:00 Zaziwa | 14:30 Galaxy
Racers | 15:00 YoTV Live | 16:00 Bona Retsang |
16:30 My World | 17:28 Journeys of Inspiration |
17:30 News | 18:00 Ayashisa Amateki | 18:30 Skeem
Saam | 19:00 News |
19:30 Zaziwa |
20:00 Generations:
The Legacy | 20:30
Mfolozi Street |
21:30 Cutting Edge |
22:00 Imizwilili |
23:00 Ispani
05:00 Reflections of Faith | 05:02 Geleza Nathi |
06:00 Kids’ News and Current Affairs | 06:30 Sports
Buzz | 07:00 YoTV Land | 07:15 Ilitha Lethu |
07:30 Takalani Sesame | 08:00 The Bold and the
Beautiful | 08:30 Isidingo | 09:00 Generations: The
Legacy | 09:30 Muvhango | 10:00 Skeem Saam |
10:30 Nomzamo | 11:00 Cutting Edge | 11:30
Mokapelo | 12:00 Friends Like These | 13:00 Lunch
Time News | 13:30 Yilungelo Lakho | 14:30
Transformers: Beast Machines | 15:00 YoTV Live |
16:00 Bona Retsang | 16:30 Ba Kae | 17:00 Centre
Stage | 17:28 Reflections of Faith | 17:30 News |
18:00 Fan Base | 18:30 Skeem Saam | 19:00 News |
19:30 Jika Majika | 20:00 Generations: The Legacy |
20:30 Jab | 21:00 Chartzoo Countdown | 22:00
Skyroom Live: Urban Sessions | 23:00 Zaziwa
05:00 Geleza Nathi | 06:00 Imani | 06:30
Siyakholwa | 07:00 Hurray for Huckle | 07:30 YoT V
Big Breakfast | 08:30 Matt Hatter Chronicles |
09:00 Chartzoo Countdown | 10:00 Mzansi Insider
| 11:00 Generations: The Legacy (five episodes) |
13:30 Sports magazine show | 14:30 Nedbank Cup
soccer build-up | 15:00 Orlando Pirates v Kaizer
Chiefs | 17:30 Roots | 18:00 Friends Like These |
19:00 The Real Goboza | 19:30 News | 20:00
Nedbank Cup soccer build-up | 20:15 University of
Pretoria v Polokwane
City | 22:30 Skyroom
Live: Urban Sessions
| 23:30 Zaziwa
SABC2
05:00 Infomercials |
05:30 Living Land |
On the Case with
05:57 Op Pad |
Paula Zahn
(Season five)
08:00 Parliament: A
Crime + Investigation,
View from the House
Channel 170, 21:50
| 08:30 Infomercials |
If you like Zahn’s style of
09:00 Inside the
pedantic, exhaustive
Baobab Tree | 09:30
investigative journalism,
64 Zoo Lane | 10:00
here’s another season of
her real crime shows for
Takalani Sesame |
you. In each case she
10:30 Rivoningo |
talks to everyone involved
11:00 Making Cents |
and sometimes manages
12:00 Love That Girl!
to scratch up some new
| 12:30 Mampodi |
evidence or cast some
13:00 Dr Phil |
new light on old evidence.
14:00 7de Laan |
14:30 Saath Phere |
Nine-9 | 17:00 Roughing It Out | 17:30 News | 18:30
7de Laan | 19:00 Nuus | 19:30 50/50 | 20:30 Leihlo
La Sechaba | 21:00 Muvhango | 21:30 Speak Out |
22:00 When Duty Calls | 22:30 Murder She Solved
SABC3
06:00 Expresso | 08:30 High Rollers | 08:00 The Bold
and the Beautiful | 09:30 Days of Our Lives | 10:30
High Rollers | 11:00 Isidingo | 11:30 7de Laan |
12:00 Charlie’s Angels | 13:00 News @ 1 | 13:30
Africa News Update | 14:00 Extreme Makeover:
Home Edition | 15:00 Fashion Show: The Ultimate
Collection | 16:00 Afternoon Express | 17:00 Days of
Our Lives | 18:00 The Bold and the Beautiful |
18:30 News @ 6:30 | 19:00 Isidingo | 19:30 Top
Billing | 20:30 Lorraine’s Fast, Fresh and Easy |
21:00 Food, Booze and Tattoos | 21:30 Supernatural
| 22:30 The Mentalist | 23:30 The Office
e.tv
10:00 MVP Jam | 10:30 The Young and the Restless |
11:30 Checkpoint | 12:00 Against All Odds with
Mpho Lakaje | 12:30 Ashes to Ashes | 13:00 News
Day | 13:30 WWE Raw | 14:30 Peppa Pig | 14:35
Cool Catz | 15:00 Yo Gabba Gabba | 15:30 Storm
Hawks | 16:00 Craz-e World Live | 16:30 The Steve
Harvey Show | 17:30 Seinfeld | 18:00 The Close Up |
18:30 eNews Direct | 19:00 Rhythm City | 19:30
Scandal! | 20:00 Gold Diggers | 20:30 FILM: The
Karate Kid (2010) (PG) Decent action remake |
23:05 FILM: Crazy People (1990) (16)
M-Net
06:00 The Ellen DeGeneres Show | 07:00 The
Middle | 07:30 Criminal Minds | 08:30 Chicago Med |
09:30 FILM: The Last Straw | 11:00 Writer’s Room |
11:30 The Goldbergs | 12:00 The Ellen DeGeneres
Show | 13:00 MasterChef Australia | 14:00 Carte
Blanche | 15:00 Shades of Blue | 16:00 Modern
Family | 16:30 The Big Bang Theory | 17:00 The
Ellen DeGeneres Show | 18:00 Kevin from Work |
18:30 MasterChef Australia | 19:30 Suits |
20:30 Blue Bloods | 21:30 Criminal Minds |
22:30 American Crime | 23:45 FILM: Lethal
Seduction (2015) (16) Thriller. With Amanda Detmer
SABC2
05:00 Infomercials | 05:30 Living Land | 05:57 Op
Pad | 06:00 Morning Live | 08:00 Parliament: A
View from the House | 08:30 Infomercials |
09:00 Inside the Baobab Tree | 09:30 64 Zoo Lane |
10:00 Takalani Sesame | 10:30 Rivoningo |
11:00 The Mother of All Professions | 11:30 Ngula
Ya Vutivi/Zwa Maramani | 12:00 Leihlo La Sechaba |
12:30 When Duty Calls | 13:00 Interface |
13:30 Speak Out | 14:00 7de Laan | 14:30 Mali |
Nine-9 | 17:00 Disney’s A.N.T. Farm | 17:30 News |
18:00 Voetspore | 18:30 7de Laan | 19:00 Nuus |
19:30 Pasella | 20:00 Noot vir Noot | 21:00
Muvhango | 21:30 Gaabo Motho | 22:00 Mampodi |
22:30 Boxing magazine show | 23:00 The 4400
SABC3
05:30 Takalani Sesame | 06:00 Expresso | 08:30
Curtain Call | 09:00 The Bold and the Beautiful |
09:30 Days of Our Lives | 10:30 Curtain Call | 11:00
Isidingo | 11:30 7de Laan | 12:00 Starsky and Hutch
| 13:00 News @ 1 |
13:30 Africa News
Update | 14:00 Hair
Battle Spectacular |
15:00 Whose Wedding
is it Anyway? | 16:00
Afternoon Express |
17:00 The Bold and
the Beautiful | 17:30
Pro20 Cricket buildup | 18:00 South
Africa v England |
18:30 News @ 6:30 |
TFI Friday
17:00 South Africa v
BBC Brit,
England continues |
Channel 120, 21:00
21:00 Minute to Win It
I can’t help but wonder
what the F in the title
stands for — but knowing
e.tv
that it’s a British
05:30 eNews Sunrise |
entertainment talkshow, I
06:00 Sunrise |
could hazard a guess.
08:30 Infomercials |
This is apparently a 2015
09:00 Rhythm City |
resurrection of an old
09:30 Scandal! |
show that has had a few
10:00 The Close Up |
different hosts over the
10:30 The Young and
years. This season is
hosted by old-hand media
the Restless | 11:30
personality Chris Evans.
Step Up or Step Out |
Highlights include
12:30 Sam-Sam ...
musicians U2, Justin
Burn It Out | 13:00
Bieber and Coldplay; and
News Day | 13:30 WWE
Hollywood stars Julianne
NXT | 14:30 FILM:
Moore, Kurt Russell and
Garfield Gets Real |
Quentin Tarantino.
16:20 Frenzy | 16:30
The Steve Harvey
Show | 17:30 Seinfeld |
18:00 Club 808: Make Some Noise | 18:30 eNews
Direct | 19:00 Rhythm City | 19:30 Scandal! |
20:00 Gold Diggers | 20:30 FILM: Arena |
22:25 FILM: Underworld
SABC2
05:30 Living Land |
06:00 Thabang
Thabong | 06:30
Inside the Baobab
Tree | 06:57 Op Pad |
Secret Window
08:30 Housecall |
e.tv,
Channel 194, 21:25
09:30 Sports
I haven’t heard of this
magazine show |
interesting-sounding
10:00 Athletics Alive |
mystery thriller, which is
10:30 Sportsview |
odd, given that I’m
11:00 One Piece |
always up for the kind of
11:30 Dragonball GT
weirdness only Johnny
Depp can deliver. He’s not
(three episodes) |
playing an insane role
13:00 Love That Girl!
here, but if his act isn’t
| 14:00 Muvhango
off key in some way, I’ll
(five episodes) |
be surprised.
16:00 FILM: TBC |
18:00 News | 18:30
My Wife and Kids |
19:00 Nuus | 19:30 Showville | 20:30 Abo Mzala |
21:00 Live Lotto Draw | 21:04 The Bantu Hour |
22:00 Afro Café | 23:00 Person of Interest
SABC3
05:00 AM Shopping | 06:00 Bush Babies | 06:30 Fun
Factory | 07:00 Disney’s Phineas and Ferb |
07:30 Fudge | 08:00 HugaTree | 08:30 Roughing It
Out | 09:00 Challenge SOS | 09:30 Which Way |
10:00 Avatar | 10:30 Snake Park |11:00 Wizards of
Waverly Place | 11:30 Scout’s Safari | 12:00 Dtv |
12:30 Fashion Hunters | 13:00 First Class All the
Way | 14:00 Fashion Show: The Ultimate Collection
| 15:00 Whose Wedding is it Anyway? | 16:00 Neill
Anthony Private Chef (double bill) | 17:00 Secrets
of Nature | 17:30 Classic Car Show | 18:30 News @
6:30 | 19:00 Curtain Call | 19:30 FILM: The rookie |
21:30 FILM: Love Potion No. 9 | 23:30 Humans |
00:30 Club Culture
e.tv
05:00 The Close Up | 05:30 Rasta Women of the
Limpopo | 06:00 The Planet’s Funniest Animals |
06:35 Cool Catz | 07:00 Peppa Pig | 07:05 Cool
Catz | 07:30 Ever ything’s Rosie | 07:45 Fireman Sam
| 08:00 Dora the Explorer | 08:30 Transformers:
Robots in Disguise | 09:00 Sistahood | 09:30
Scandal! (five episodes) | 11:30 Paternity Court |
12:00 Against All Odds with Mpho Lakaje | 12:30
The Close Up | 13:00 Club 808: Make Some Noise |
13:30 The Planet’s Funniest Animals | 14:00 FILM:
Garfield Gets Real | 16:00 Kidnapped | 17:00 WWE
Smackdown | 18:00 Wipeout USA | 19:00 eNews
Direct | 19:30 FILM: Grown Ups (2010) (13) Average
comedy. With Adam Sandler, Salma Hayek and Kevin
James | 21:25 FILM: Secret Window (2004) (13)
Average mystery thriller about a newly-divorced
writer who is harassed by a crazy man who claims
that the writer stole his story idea. With Johnny
Depp, Maria Bello and John Turturro | 23:35 FILM:
Grown Ups (2010) (13)
M-Net
M-Net
06:00 The Ellen DeGeneres Show | 07:00 Modern
Family | 07:30 Shades of Blue | 08:30 Suits | 09:30
FILM: Big Eyes | 10:50 Entertainment Now | 11:30
The Big Bang Theory | 12:00 The Ellen DeGeneres
Show | 13:00 MasterChef Australia | 14:00 Criminal
Minds | 15:00 Blue Bloods | 16:00 Chicago PD |
17:00 The Ellen DeGeneres Show | 18:00 Mom |
18:30 MasterChef Australia | 19:30 The Last Ship |
20:30 Zoo | 21:30 NCIS New Orleans | 22:30 FILM:
Top Five (2014) (16) OK comedy, starring Chris Rock
06:00 FILM: The Lost Medallion: The Adventures of
Billy Stone | 08:00 MasterChef Australia (quintuple
bill) | 13:00 Chicago PD | 14:00 My Story | 15:00
The Voice South Africa | 17:00 Chicago Fire | 18:00
The Goldbergs | 18:30 Mom | 19:00 The Middle |
19:30 Two Broke Girls | 20:00 The Good Wife |
21:00 Shades of Blue | 22:00 The Last Ship | 23:00
Made in Hollywood | 00:20 FILM: Maps to the Stars
(2014) (16) Excellent drama about the skeletons in the
closets of a Hollywood family. With Julianne Moore,
Mia Wasikowska, Robert Pattinson and John Cusack
PAGE 52
FEBRUARY 28 2016
{ MOVIES }
The air
out there
Sue de Groot reads a film that
escaped from a novel
Room ★★★★★
T
HERE is a lot to be said for
reading a book before seeing the film adaptation of
said book. Cloud Atlas
made little sense to those who had
not read David Mitchell’s novel
(mind you, the book didn’t make
much sense either) and anyone
who endured the film of Fifty
Shades of Grey without first wading
through the damp pages of the nov-
el could not possibly grasp the intricacies of the plot.
In the case of Room, I recommend reading the book only after
seeing the film. I’m not saying those
who loved Emma Donoghue’s disturbing novel should not watch the
movie — I’m just saying they are
likely to be a little disappointed, because it is impossible to show in
pictures the first-time perceptions
described in the words of a fiveyear-old boy.
A LIGHT
GAZE: Jacob
Tremblay as
Jack
With that proviso, Room has
been dextrously translated into
filmic language by director Lenny
Abrahamson, assisted by the novelist herself as screenwriter. In the
beginning, the claustrophobia felt
by the captive Joy Newsome (Brie
Larson) is balanced by the ease
with which her son Jack (Jacob
Tremblay) inhabits his known universe, the tiny space he calls Room.
Later, their divergent attempts to
come to terms with the wide world
are equally moving.
In the book, Joy — known to Jack
as Ma — was kidnapped by a
stranger at age 19 (the film changes
this to 17) and has been kept as a
sex slave in a sound-proofed shed
for seven years. Jack was born in the
shed and has never left it; his mother makes him sleep in the wardrobe
at night to keep him safe during
brief visits by the man he refers to
as “Old Nick”.
One of the difficulties with the
movie is that the climax — the terrifying sequence of events during
which Jack and Joy escape from
Room — happens near the beginning. The rest is about them re-entering (or in Jack’s case, entering)
the world outside Room.
It is astonishing that young
Tremblay has not joined Larson in
receiving an Oscar nomination for
this film. There are moments when
Jack speaks some of Donoghue’s
memorable lines in voiceover, but a
constant narrative would have irritated the viewer (no child, no
matter how talented, should speak
non-stop for two hours). Instead,
Tremblay’s eyes do the work. Perhaps reading the book provided the
subtext, but his thoughtful gaze as
he looks beyond the boundaries of
his former existence is enough to
make Leonardo DiCaprio sign up
for acting lessons.
There are spirited cameos by
William H Macy and Joan Allen as
Joy’s parents, and some clever new
elements (such as a dog) have been
introduced to show parts of the story that cannot be told. Devotees of
the novel might feel short-changed
in some aspects — Jack is not nearly
pale enough, for one thing, and his
developing relationship with his
grandmother loses its literary brio
— but you can’t have everything.
There have been many bad films
made of good books. This is not one
of those. This is a good film of a
much better book. LS
FEBRUARY 28 2016
PAGE 53
{ BOOKS }
book bites
Water: New Short Fiction
From Africa ★★★★★
Edited by Nick Mulgrew and
Karina Szczurek (Short Story
Day Africa, R200)
Book Buff
T
HE brainchild of Rachel
Zadok, Short Story Day
Africa is five years old. It
has a “survival ethos”:
to subvert ideas about what it
means to be a writer in Africa,
and what makes a story African.
With that brief, the 2015 competition theme, “water”, attracted a
pool of 456 writers from 13 countries across Anglophone Africa
and
its
diaspora.
Judges
Abubakar Adam Ibrahim, Billy
Kahora and Mary Watson read
the top 21 qualifying entries
blind, and the resulting anthology is superb.
Cat Hellison’s winning short
story, “The Worme Bridge”, recounts a natatory family curse
and how we cling to the present
— however painful it is. With
nods to Lovecraft and Bosman,
Hellison’s voice is utterly distinctive, both bitter and sympathetic.
Of her own heritage, she says: “It
impacts only on my work in that
I don’t belong anywhere in particular, so most of my work tends
to have this outsider’s perspective; this sense of being a puzzle
piece from a different puzzle.”
Second was Alex Latimer’s “A
Fierce Symmetry”, an extended
metaphor with its origins in real
life, in which a bereaved family
boils down the remains of a dead
tiger from the East London zoo.
Visceral, quirky and profoundly
affecting, the story deals with the
process of grieving, “what we
choose to remember and what
we’re forced to forget”.
Mark Winkler’s high-concept
“Ink” took third place, the judges
calling it delicate, evocative and
vivid. Riffing on the Rorschach
cards used in psychological testing, the narrator maps a postapocalyptic Cape Town via the
old water sources under the
city.
Journalist and novelist Fred
Khumalo received special mention for “Water No Get Enemy”.
Khumalo uses his trademark
hard-hitting humour to investigate how water is used as a pretext for the denunciation, betrayal and brutality experienced by
young freedom fighters in the
Angolan liberation camps.
Asked about the clean sweep
by white writers, Zadok gets passionate: “The three writers that
did win are writers with multiple
novels and other books under
Dictator ★★★★★
Robert Harris (Penguin
Random House, R295)
In his author’s notes Robert
Harris says “Dictator tells a
story of the last 15 years in
the life of the Roman
statesman Cicero, imagined
in the form of a biography
written by his secretary, Tiro.” What follows
is a rollicking thriller set during the
turbulent years which saw the rise of Julius
Caesar as dictator and the crumbling of the
Roman republic. Although the book is a
fictional account based on real events, Tiro,
who was Cicero’s slave and secretary, did
write a biography on his master, which has
since been lost. Harris seamlessly blends
Cicero’s recorded speeches with invented
conversation, giving a credible yet
imaginative portrait of a man who lived in
an interesting historical period and played
an instrumental role in it. — Lwandile Fikeni
@LwandileFikeni
Book Fling
NEW VOICES:
Clockwise,
Cat Hellison,
Mark Winkler
and Mary
Okon
Ononokpono
FLOW OF LIFE
The theme ‘water ’ links 21 superb
stories by top African writers,
writes Diane Awerbuck
WHO, WHERE, WHAT, WHEN
• The Cape Town launch of
Water is at The Book Lounge
at 5.30pm on March 8.
• Cat Hellison keeps a list of
South Africans writing “under
the speculative parasol”:
www.cathellisen.com
• Alex Latimer has published
two volumes of cartoons, six
picture books and a novel,
The Space Race, Umuzi, R180.
BESTSELLERS
February 2016
FICTION
1. After You Jojo Moyes
(Michael Joseph, R285): The
bestselling Me Before You has
been made into a film starring
Emilia Clarke (Daenerys
Targaryen in Game of Thrones)
and Sam Claflin and is due
out this winter.
2. Honest Illusions
Nora Roberts (Piatkus,
R360): Published first in
1992, this classic Nora
Roberts is a tale about a
magician who is also a thief.
See his work at
www.alexlatimer.co.za
• Mark Winkler has written
two novels — An Exceptionally
Simple Theory of Absolutely
Everything (Kwela, R210) and
Wasted (Kwela, R210).
• Short Story Day Africa
survives on donations. Help:
shortstorydayafrica.org
/donate/
3. The Girl on the Train
Paula Hawkins (Doubleday,
R285): Twitter:
@PaulaHWrites “The bar I’m
working in (yes, I’m writing
while in a bar, there are
reasons) smells so strongly of
baby powder it’s making me
feel ill.”
4. Cross Justice James
Patterson (Century, R190):
Although Patterson has coauthors for his other books,
he has kept the Alex Cross
series as his own and doesn’t
share any credit on them.
This is book No 23.
5. Precious Gifts Danielle
Steel (Bantam Press, R285):
First line: “Timmie Parker sat
with one leg tucked under her
at her desk.”
their belts, and they’ve had the
privilege of working in a robust
publishing environment . . . Just
read Water. You’ll find at least 10
other stories that could have
won.”
Co-editors Karina Szczurek
and Nick Mulgrew advise writers
to organise, diversify and collaborate. “Those are the predicates
of so-called development, and
Short Story Day Africa champions that.”
Zadok says: “What we need on
the continent is distribution networks . . . We’re doing it. We just
need to figure out infrastructure.
Participate.
Volunteer
for
Writivism. Be part of the bigger
picture that is the [vibrant]
African writing scene.”
The Short Story Day Africa
theme for 2016 is “migrations”.
“Not everyone leaves [Africa] of
their own volition, and not everyone comes with the best intentions; nevertheless, the story
of Africa is the story of souls migrating, settling, unsettling, fleeing, seeking, resting . . . [We] are
looking for short fiction that will
bring a fresh, urgent perspective
to one of our most profound phenomena, and the basis of all our
greatest stories.”
NON-FICTION
1. We Have Now Begun
Our Descent Justice Malala
(Jonathan Ball Publishers,
R240): “With youth
unemployment between 52%
and 57%, if young people can
be pushed to register to vote,
that vote would belong to the
EFF,” Malala said at a Times Talk
event recently.
2. Jan Smuts Richard Steyn
(Jonathan Ball Publishers,
R250): “For a South African
brought up in humble rural
surroundings, Smuts was
flattered — as Nelson Mandela
was to be many years later —
to be courted and lionised by
the crowned heads of Britain and Europe,”
writes Steyn.
Pretending to Dance
★★★★★
Diane Chamberlain
(Macmillan, R275)
Molly lives with her
therapist father, Graham,
her adoptive mother, Nora,
and her magical birthmother,
Amalia. Her life is idyllic —
until 1990 when her father is killed, and
everything changes. The adult Molly disowns
her family and it is only when she is trying
to adopt a baby that she is forced to return
to North Carolina and come to terms with
what happened the summer her childhood
ended. Sensitively written with neardevastating impact: quiet and sad.
— Aubrey Paton
Book Buff
Man On Fire ★★★★★
Stephen Kelman
(Bloomsbury, R320)
The conceit behind the book
— that two men from vastly
different backgrounds can
find a sort of redemption by
combining to break a batty world record (in
a couple of senses; it’s bonkers and there is
baseball equipment involved) — is original
and unusual. That it is based on the life of a
real extreme sportsman and journalist in
India, Bibhuti Nayak, adds allure; and the
fact that Kelman is a transcendentally
talented writer rounds out a very attractive
package. Kelman’s ability to convey complex
emotions with charm and humour means his
story is poignant and tender, with moments
of thoughtfulness tempered by delightful
eccentricity. — Bruce Dennill @BroosDennill
3. What If There Were No
Whites in South Africa?
Ferial Haffajee (Picador
Africa, R275): Twitter:
@ferialhaffajee
“#SONAdebate we have a
thriving (and very funny)
multi-party democracy.”
4. How Long Will South
Africa Survive? RW
Johnson (Jonathan Ball,
R240): “My faith in the ANC
had long since eroded and I
had no illusions about likely
outcomes,” writes Johnson in
the preface.
5. Recce Koos Stadler
(Tafelberg Publishers,
R225): With only one other
team member, Stadler was
sent to blow up railway lines
and fighter jets in the south
of Angola.
PAGE 54
FEBRUARY 28 2016
{ ART }
MORE THAN FAIR
At last week’s Cape Town Art Fair, an Nkandla’s worth of new art was on display, perused by a
horde of collectors, art-world schmoozers and amateur voyeurs. We picked our five favourites
BARBARA WILDENBOER Pareidolia #15, 2016 (Photo-composite, silver
thread and pins on archival paper). Courtesy Barnard Gallery
TONY GUM
Milked in
Africa —
Milk someone
(Fuji crystal
archival print,
Dibond
mounted).
Courtesy
Christopher
Moller Art
KIRSTEN BEETS Wander, 2016 (oil on paper, 420 x 285mm). Courtesy Salon91 Gallery
THE ART BUBBLES
Frédéric Dufour, president of Ruinart, France’s
oldest champagne house, visited the Cape Town
Art Fair with a show by Hubert le Gall
If you could own any artwork
in the world, what would it be?
La Pyramide du Louvre. A bit
expensive, I know. I like pieces
that are prominent and technically
advanced, and I love the extreme
purity of it. It’s a wonderful
combination — something
extraordinarily modern in a
courtyard that’s 1 500 years old. It
changes the place.
Ruinart supports 33 art fairs
worldwide. Why are you so
keen on contemporary art?
It’s been part of our DNA, ever
since Andre Ruinart
commissioned a poster from the
great Czech illustrator Mucha in
1895. There is so much tradition
behind Ruinart that working with
new artists gives us the balance to
be perpetually contemporary.
How do you reconcile the
obscene prices of
contemporary art with the art
world’s supposed opposition to
inequality?
On the one hand, we’re happy the
art world has been booming,
because we’re genuinely into art
and it’s good for our visibility. Ten
years ago, art was for the few —
now it’s open to a younger, more
diverse public. You have to be rich
to buy a Jeff Koons, but not to buy
a piece by a young, emerging
artist. On the other hand, we’re a
bit sceptical. The market has been
out of control at times, though it’s
normalising now. We try to work
with artists who are still in studio,
like chefs who still work in their
restaurants. That’s how we stay
outside this crazy bubble.
Who would win a fight
between Obelix and Asterix?
Of course, it has to be Asterix,
because he’s cleverer than Obelix.
How do you French not get fat
on wine, bread and cheese?
I don’t think many French pay
much attention to not eating too
much. But we believe you can eat
a lot if your diet is balanced; not
too much bread or pasta. We drink
wine daily, but in moderation.
We’d never drink two bottles. But
it’s a battle, because our youth are
starting to like the convenience of
junk food. — Carlos Amato
MASIMBA HWATI
Neo-tribal (Leather,
wood, golf balls).
Courtesy SMAC
Gallery
HAIDEE NEL
Crocodile,
from the
Masquerade
series, 201416. (Wood &
resin, height
5ocm).
Courtesy
Worldart
Gallery
FEBRUARY 28 2016
PAGE 55
{ WORDS & STARS }
READERS’ WORDS
The Pedant Class
SUE DE GROOT
Illustration: Piet Grobler
T
HE world of language is
peppered with arguments
over who coined which
phrase. One of these disputed terms is “black hole”. For some
time, physicist John Archibald
Wheeler was credited with naming
this nebulous object. The story goes
that he first used the phrase in a 1967
lecture after a fan (or whatever one
calls people who stalk scientists)
suggested that “black hole” was easier to say than “gravitationally completely collapsed object”.
In 2013, however, Science News
writer Tom Siegfried pointed out
that journalist Ann Ewing had used
“black hole” in a 1964 issue of the
same publication. Digging further,
he discovered that even before this
physicist Robert Dicke was known
for saying lost objects “must have
been sucked into the black hole of
Calcutta”.
That was a nasty thing to name a
gravitationally completely collapsed
object after, even if one can see how
it came about — the Black Hole of
Calcutta was the tiny dungeon into
which 146 British prisoners were
crammed after a dispute with the local ruler in 1756. Only 23 survived.
Let’s talk about more cheerful
things, like teenagers. I like talking
to teenagers because they tend to say
exactly what they think — or the
thinking ones do. Hardly any fullfledged adults say what they think,
perhaps because they are afraid of
being sucked into a vortex of social
opprobrium (a commendable word
Your Stars
LINDA SHAW
Wandile Katoo
November 7 1977
Port Elizabeth, 00h30
Sun sign: Scorpio
Moon sign: Virgo
Rising sign: Leo
Trust is your stumbling block.
When you expect to be betrayed,
you invariably will be. And when
your standards for others are even
higher than the standards you set
for yourself, you’ll invariably be
disappointed. Lighten up! You
have a fantastic sense of humour.
This is your time for change — a
time to inspect every aspect of
your life and ask how much you
want it to continue. You’re afraid
of change, but your secret desire
for adventure is causing trouble.
Ask yourself what you really want
and what you believe you deserve. If you’d like to run your
own business, there couldn’t be a
better time to start. If you’d like to
move away from relationships,
talk to someone. Love is important to you, so if it’s fizzled, find
out whether it’s possible to get it
back. Take your time with this.
And learn to love yourself again.
WANT YOUR CHART READ?
E-mail [email protected]
Gravity sucks
that should be allowed out more).
However. Not long ago, an adolescent who hopes to become a scientist told me that studying English
would be of no use whatsoever in his
chosen field. He didn’t see any reason why he shouldn’t stop bothering
about prepositions and instead devote all his attention to particles.
I felt my tolerance collapsing in on
itself like an expired star and told
him he would need a solid grasp of
language in order to communicate
his scientific knowledge to others. I
don’t think he believed me, but a few
days later came the announcement
of the scientific breakthrough that
has enthralled the world even
though most of us couldn’t tell the
sound of a black hole from the whistle of a hedgehog.
As far as I understand it, for many
years the Laser Interferometer Gravitational-Wave Observatory has
been building devices that use very
long pipes intended to detect gravitational waves — trace vibrations
caused by the collision of black
holes, if you can imagine such a
thing without snapping your mind.
Except, until a few weeks ago, no one
was sure these waves really existed.
Astrophysicist Marco Drago, who
was manning LIGO when a compressed squiggle appeared on his
Teenagers tend
to say exactly what
they think
screen, secured his place in history
with the immortal phrase: “It was
difficult to understand what to do.”
It has been even more difficult for
scientists to explain a squiggle that
might perhaps represent a bumperbashing between two non-objects a
billion years ago. I have been in-
trigued and impressed by the linguistic skills involved in translating
astronomically complex concepts
into everyday English while maintaining scientific accuracy.
Mainstream media outlets have
gone berserk with announcements
of gravitational waves being discovered or heard. Scientists have had to
do linguistic back-flips to deny these
claims, because they are not strictly
true.
I’m not going to try to explain the
subtleties of gravitational wave detection, because I don’t understand
even the non-subtleties. But I do applaud the appropriately named MIT
physicist Alan Lightman, who, when
asked to justify the importance of
studying these thingies said: “It’s
the same as justifying ballet.”
To my young friend who asked me
to justify the importance of studying
words I would say: “It’s the same as
justifying cricket.” LS
Related to your column on
“prefrenchiousness”,
“Rhymes with ferret”
(February 21), a point that
seems confusing is the
correct form of the indefinite
article preceding a word
starting with “h”: “a hotel”
or “an hotel”? In that
particular case, the confusion
is perhaps excusable, in that
the word “hotel” is a
relatively recent import from
French into English, so the
French (unaspirated)
pronunciation may be
considered acceptable.
However, extending to such
as “a historical event” versus
“an historical event” seems
to heighten the confusion.
Both of the latter forms seem
to be in common use. Is it
perhaps similar to the
transition from “a nadder” to
“an adder” (for the snake
variety) in the 12th century
development from “Old
English” to “Middle English”?
— Tony Fisher
“Rhymes with ferret” brings
to mind an amusing story.
Many years ago the American
actress Jean Harlow had a
meeting with Dame Margot
Asquith, the second wife of
the former British prime
minister. During the
conversation the actress
insisted on pronouncing
Dame Asquith’s first name as
Mar-got instead of Mar-go.
Eventually the latter took
Miss Harlow aside and
explained: “No, my dear, the
‘t’ is silent — as in ‘harlot’.”
— Michael Deacon
E-mail your observations on
words and language to
[email protected]
On Twitter @deGrootS1
PISCES
(Feb 19 – Mar 20)
This is one of those all or
nothing times in your life.
Either you’re bored, or you can’t
cope with the load. Just accept it as
the way of the world. Your love life
will keep you more than entertained as changes you never imagined leave you spinning in your
socks. So to say there’s adventure in
your life is something of an understatement. Do your best to keep up.
And be grateful — for everything.
GEMINI
(May 21 – June 20)
Don’t allow yourself to be
influenced by everyone
else’s views. If you really have no
idea what to do next, do nothing.
Spend some time with yourself and
listen to your heart. That, at least,
will give you some understanding
about how work and love fit together in a way that you don’t have to
feel guilty all the time. Just remember though, your priority is you. If
you’re not happy, say no.
VIRGO
(Aug 23 – Sep 22)
Let’s start right now on a
longer-term strategy. That
impatient streak wants immediate
results, but your plans need a couple of weeks to mature. Until then,
focus on winning the war rather
than the odd little battle. This war
has to do with success, money, career and a delicious stroke of luck
that’s coming your way. But to let it
in, you’ll have to trust the process
enough to stand aside for a while.
SAGITTARIUS
(Nov 22 – Dec 21)
The state of your body reflects the state of your
mind. Watch your health closely to
see which problems need help. A
new approach to stress management might change the way things
play out. You’re not used to having
this much responsibility, and your
inner child is rebelling. Responsibility means power for you — so
how will you use it? Play around till
you find what you’re looking for.
ARIES
(Mar 21 – Apr 19)
Domestic concerns are
bad news now. So don’t
waste energy on endeavours that
are temporarily doomed. Focus on a
soon to be burgeoning career. You
won’t need to put in too much effort
there either. Others are looking after you now — people who have
been watching your potential and
are able to move on your behalf. Be
ready. Decide what you want while
you still have some control.
CANCER
(June 21 – Jul 22)
The goddess of love is
sending you someone to
play with — someone really special.
The only snag is, your head is in
another place altogether; an anxious place to be precise. Decide how
you’d like to spend your time. And
then, work on trusting the universe
— or yourself — to arrange your life
appropriately. And when you’ve
done all that, open the door. Someone delicious is waiting for you.
LIBRA
(Sep 23 – Oct 22)
Family issues are making
demands on your time.
You’ve got better things to do. But if
you can spare a moment on the
moral low ground, ask yourself how
you’d manage without this support
system you’ve established for yourself. As annoying as it may seem,
you may find that even those who
should obviously know better will
occasionally need the odd spot of
recognition for their efforts.
CAPRICORN
(Dec 22 – Jan 19)
Transition rather than
crisis may feel just as
ghastly but guarantees different results. What we’re looking at here is
a period of growth and development. It’s only your fear of change
that makes it seem scary. Remind
yourself how rewarding love can be.
A passionate affair is being revamped or begun — and soon there
will be no turning back. So go
ahead. Jump. Take a chance.
TAURUS
(Apr 20 – May 20)
For you, “facts” are often
more deceptive than feelings. So yes, you may be trying your
best to work with the others in your
team ... but are they trying to cooperate with you? Is there perhaps
another agenda? No need for paranoia. Just check it out. Make sure
you are at least getting what you
want out of the deal. Ask the others
what they want, but if they can’t be
honest, better leave them to it.
LEO
(Jul 23 – Aug 22)
The planets are on a mission to test your resolve
and will try to push you over the
line of good judgment. Stay sober
and focused. That ego thing will
have to go if you wish to emerge
vaguely sane. While you wait, set
yourself free from anything that no
longer serves you. Then give mind
and body a new challenge. Avoiding
boredom is what this drama is all
about. So have some fun with it.
SCORPIO
(Oct 23 – Nov 21)
The gods of power and
dynamism are with you,
giving you extra energy and loads of
charisma. Even more than usual,
people don’t want to mess with you.
But they may try to take from you.
Keep your eyes open — but only
when it’s convenient. The planets
have gathered to protect you. So the
moment you surrender control is
the moment you regain all your
power. Might be fun.
AQUARIUS
(Jan 20 – Feb 18)
All being well, you should
be starting to enjoy yourself. You haven’t been able to play
for a long time. Now it’s time for
fun. Also, you’ll be needing a simpler life soon so start shedding the
extras. Start with love, where the
flame burns bright and fast, but
dies just as quickly. Don’t make any
promises you might regret. Just
make a decision to enjoy it while it
lasts and let it go when it’s over.
Call NOW! Open 7 days a week 0877 40 50 10
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*Package, cruise, tour, rail & hotel prices are per person, based on double occupancy for total length of stay unless otherwise stated. Prices are subject to availability for select departure dates and subject to fluctuations. Prices are correct at advertising deadline and can change without prior notification. Errors and omissions can
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Sunday Times
PET PHOTOGRAPHY
MEET DESIGNER KATY TAPLIN
REINVENT
YOUR
LIVING
SPACE
home
INTERIOR UPDATES
GET PRUNING
PAGE 2
{ HOME }
NEW ON THE BLOCK
If your dog makes regular appearances on your social media feed, or really is your
best friend, why not make him a fixture of your interior decor with a framed print?
Cape Town-based Spageddieface, founded by art director, photographer and
designer Ian Martin, creates striking monochrome artworks to hang in your home.
After playing around with black-and-white photos of his Welsh terrier, Eddie
Spaghetti, Ian realised he was onto something that would appeal to the pet-loving
populace. First Ian will meet with you (and your dog) to discuss your preferences.
He’ll then book a photo shoot with a veterinary physiotherapist, who will ensure your
pet’s comfort — and take the perfect portrait. Ianmartin.co.za/spageddie-face
FEBRUARY 28 2016
THE
EDIT
A few finishing
touches can bring
your home to life
Compiled by Esther Moloi
If you’re
going for the
dramatic, a
silver and
crystal wall
sconce will
add glimmer
and shine.
R6 995.
Isabelina.co.za
With a nod to
Afrocentrism,
this tribal
bead artwork
will be the
focal point of
your living
area. R3 995.
Weylandts.co.za
Keep your favourite
glossies in this
magazine rack with
copper lines from
Zana. R1 480.
Zanaproducts.co.za
Be daring and
bring some
metallics into
your dining room.
This copper chair
will add just the
right amount of
warmth and
sophistication
to any occasion.
R2 499.
Home.co.za
Bring handcrafted elegance to your
table with a vintage white hand-carved
decor accessory from Sutherlands
Home Furnishing. R495. Shf.co.za
ON THE COVER: Skinny laMinx
FEBRUARY 28 2016
PAGE 3
PICTURES: DAVID ROSS/BRETT RUBIN
{ HOME }
Claim to fame: Katy Taplin is one
half of Dokter and Misses, the South
African design brand known for its
strong modernist lines, graphic
patterns and smart combination of
function and humour.
I decided to start Dokter and Misses
after returning home from New York in
2007. I felt a desire to start a business
and create something locally.
The Dokter and Misses hand-painted
Kassena server is a first for us. It was
our first 100% wooden piece, the first
hand-painted piece and our first work
to be shown internationally by Southern
Guild at a Collectible Design Fair.
I am happiest when I have nowhere
that I need to be.
My favourite South African designers
are: Porky Heffer, Gregor Jenkin, Joe
Paine and Tonic.
Local design is about hustling.
Dokter and Misses has won awards
for the Kassena server (Southern
Guild Design Foundation “Object That
Moves” award 2013).
Every home needs art and a braai.
My favourite products are the
®
www.tileafrica.co.za
tollfree 0800 002 783
We meet
KATY TAPLIN
— compiled by Shereen Lurie
KATY’S
FAVOURITE
PRODUCTS:
Soldier Screens by
Dokter and Misses
and Gone Rural
Swaziland. Powdercoated steel frame
with handwoven
Sisal and Lutindzi
grass, above
Soldier Screens, a collaboration
with Gone Rural.
The key to success is hard
work, combined with a certain
degree of insanity.
My advice to aspiring designers is
to find your own unique voice and
run with it.
Innovative design doesn’t need
an instruction manual.
On the weekend, you will find me
camping, if not working.
Future plans for Dokter and Misses
include participating in the Cooper
Hewitt Design Triennial, showcasing
at 100% Design South Africa and
travelling in Africa.
Hinge units,
barb light and
lotus mirror
SELECTED TILES BATHROOM WARE
4 - 13 MARCH 2016
while stocks last | E&OE
PAGE 4
FEBRUARY 28 2016
{ HOME }
INSTANT UPDATE
FEBRUARY 28 2016
PAGE 5
{ HOME }
3
Janine Jorgensen offers some tips for giving your living room an easy revamp
PLANT LIFE
Greenery in the form of a houseplant or two
can instantly lift the space, and have the added
benefit of purifying the air. Trendy terrariums
are low-maintenance and can sit on a coffee
table; or a hanging planter can give life to an
unused corner. Indoor plants do have specific
requirements, such as light, for growing
successfully, so do a bit of research on what
will suit your space, to avoid any straggly,
wilting specimens.
PICTURE: iSTOCK
Arkivio’s Glass Garden consists of a succulent in a
beautifully crafted glass vessel. The range is
available in various designs, with a variety of plants.
From R350. Arkivio.co.za
CUSHY JOB
4
LIGHTING THE WAY
You can easily swap the ceiling fittings in the room
for something more modern, or bring in a new
floor lamp or table lamp. If you really are pushed
for time, just replace the shade of an existing lamp
with something contemporary. Remember that
lighting plays a part in creating the ambience of a
space, and as the living area is generally where
you spend a lot of time, it needs to have a
welcoming effect. Improve the lighting, and the
mood of the room, by moving around the lamps,
selecting a coloured bulb, or, a bit more
complicated, installing a dimmer switch.
Add the Massimo floor lamp to your living space. It’s
contemporary and provides a softer glow for evening
relaxation. R2 799.95. Lightingwarehouse.co.za
CLEAR VIEW
Use the Discovery colours, which range from
pink to blue, in Plascon’s 2016 Colour Forecast
to brighten up the living space. Plascon.co.za
1
2
6
The Frankie ottoman is a multifunctional item of
furniture, to be used as seating and as storage.
From R6 995. Coricraft.co.za
Picture: KLOOFTIQUE
A fresh coat of paint can do wonders in
transforming a space. What’s more, paint is
easy to apply and relatively affordable.
Choose to go bold with a new colour for
the entire space, or just an accent wall to
serve as an eyecatching focal point. You
could introduce different-coloured trims,
such as the edge of a door or around an
alcove, layer neutral colours, such as various
shades of white in different areas of the
room, or give furniture a new coat.
PICTURE: iSTOCK
DIFFERENT STROKES
One of the simplest ways to give an interior a
different appearance is to declutter it. Go
through the items in the room and ask yourself
what value each one is bringing to the space,
in terms of style and functionality. If it’s neither,
it might be time to move the object
somewhere else in the house or toss it. Paring
down the room can keep it tidy, and therefore
more inviting. This process also gives you the
opportunity to rearrange existing furniture and
knick-knacks for a new look. If you struggle to
part with objects, consider aesthetically
pleasing storage solutions that will conceal the
build-up of stuff.
Tired of your couch, but don’t
have the money to buy a new
one? Give it a new lease on life
with scatter cushions. They’re
available in an array of options,
in colour, style and size, and
are easy to change for limitless
possibilities in giving the sofa,
and the space, a makeover.
Other soft furnishings you can
use to update the room are
throws (especially in winter)
and rugs.
Be on trend with
the bold graphic
print of the Lux
geometric orange
Panama cushion
cover. R650.
Handmadebyme.co.za
5
PIECE IT TOGETHER
As replacing all of the furniture in a room can be a
pricey, and a time-consuming endeavour, rather
exchange only one piece in the space, for example,
a sofa, or buy a new smaller item, such as a vintage
chair or side table, that will make a statement.
Coffee tables can be a less costly investment, and
easier to move out of the room should your taste
change. Also look at what you have at home
already: perhaps that armchair in the bedroom can
be recovered and brought into the lounge instead.
Make a statement with the Intambo coffee table, which
has a coloured rope insert. Price on request.
Homewood.co.za
JAN
sear
Braai
wWw.kamadojan.co.za
SA
‘S
TASTE
SENSATION
CHOOSE FROM
3
SIZES
LIMITED STOCK
AVAILABLE
LAUNCH KITS
INCLUDE UP TO
R10 000
WORTH OF
ACCESSORIES
FREE OF CHARGE
THE LAST
BRAAI
Distributed by
YOU’LL
EVER BUY
SUBJECT TO CHANGE AND AVAILABILITY.T&C. E&OE.
FEBRUARY 28 2016
PAGE 7
{ HOME }
GARDENSPOT
PRUNE LIKE A PRO
Why prune? Pruning improves a plant’s
health and enhances its appearance.
When to prune? Prune during the
cooler months when plants are still
dormant. This will result in a burst of new
growth in the spring. Don’t over-prune as
this reduces the foliage available to
protect the plant during winter weather.
You need: The basics include secateurs
or pruning scissors, a hedge shear, a
lopping shear, a hand and pole saw, a
ladder and protective gloves.
Basic pruning cuts: Heading back
involves cutting a section of a plant to
above a bud or side branch. This results
in several shoots growing from below
the cut, and helps redirect growth to a
desired direction and size. It encourages
a denser plant, and helps rejuvenate
lacklustre growth. Always angle cuts
above the bud at 45 degrees.
Thinning cuts take entire stems or
branches back to their origin or to
another branch. It removes unwanted
branches, “opening up” a plant to allow
light to penetrate to the inner leaves and
branches.
PICTURE: THINKSTOCK
Pruning maintains the
health, longevity and
aesthetic beauty of new
and established plants.
By Shereen Lurie
Pruning shade trees: Establish a good
structure of primary branches that will
support the tree throughout its lifetime.
The primary branches should grow from
a single dominant leader (central trunk)
that grows upwards. Poor pruning can
cause permanent damage to the tree
structure, so always use the correct tools
and method when pruning young trees.
Pruning fruit trees: The first three years
are vital in establishing vitality and health.
Proper pruning will encourage growth of
strong branches that can support heavy
loads of fruit. In the first year, start off by
removing all side growth from the
central stem. This will encourage low
branching and a high fruit yield after the
first three years. In the second year,
identify three to four stems that will give
the tree the correct structure, and prune
these stems to 75cm, removing
remaining growth. In the third year,
establish a secondary framework with
three shoots growing from the stems
chosen the year before, and prune these
back to 50cm.
The unique handcrafted and handcut porcelain tiles from Kt tiles are
perfect for a host of indoor and
outdoor applications, and are available
in myriad designs and colours.
R35 to R45 each. Kt-tiles.co.za
Add flair to your patio with the steel
Swirls side table by Leonardo Design.
R4 596.48. Leonardodesign.co.za
Start your home search on Private Property.
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get the kitchen
you always
wanted,
today!
Whether it’s a complete renovation or a
quick refresh that you are looking for,
Builders has the complete kitchen
solution to suit any budget.
From a full range of finishes and kitchen accessories to
flooring, paint, lighting and sink mixers, you can make your
dream kitchen a reality with Builders.
WEEK9/2016/XTWN683
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For your nearest store call our Builders Customer Contact Centre
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