Employee Handbook

Q&A
Employee Handbook
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*IMPORTANT* Even though this handbook has been edited by a lot of very wise
people, it's still just helpful suggestions. It's not the law.
Have you ever been stuck for the right words to say in an
uncomfortable situation?
Have you ever caught a co-worker staring at your body?
Have you ever been the target of ugly rumors or gossip?
This handbook won't solve every problem for you, but it might help you find the
right words to say, avoid some common pitfalls, or give you the courage to take
action toward a kinder and more respectful workplace.
2
Contents
MOODS, PERSONAL ISSUES & ATTITUDES
pages 6 - 8
How do I leave my bad mood at the door?
How do I deal with a grumpy co-worker?
How do I deal with an overly cheerful co-worker?
How do I deal with negative, sarcastic and whining co-workers?
What should I do if someone breaks down in front of me?
What do I say if someone loses a loved one?
What if someone's "significant other" leaves them?
GOSSIP, PRIVACY & NOSY CO-WORKERS
pages 9 - 11
How do I stop someone from telling me gossip?
What if I am the target of gossip?
What if my boss is a gossip?
What if it's not gossip, it's a fact?
Should I tell a co-worker if they are the target of gossip?
What if I find out that a co-worker is doing something
unsafe or illegal at work?
How do I get someone to stop asking me about
something that I regret I ever shared?
What if a co-worker insists on telling me all of their troubles?
What if a co-worker asks me what I get paid?
PROMISES & BROKEN PROMISES
pages 12 - 13
How do I say "no" to a request without making someone mad?
What if I can't get something done on time that I promised?
What if my boss doesn't do what they say they will?
Should I cover for a co-worker who makes me look bad?
What do I say to a co-worker who always asks me for
help on things that should be their responsibility?
3
PICTURES, JOKES & LANGUAGE
pages 14 - 16
What if someone complains about the language
I use and no one else cares?
What if a co-worker makes a racial slur or joke?
What if a co-worker makes a sexual slur or joke?
What if a co-worker calls me an offensive name?
What if someone gives me a nickname I hate?
How do I tell someone to stop swearing?
What if my boss says demeaning things about people?
What if someone displays an offensive or suggestive picture?
What if someone sends me an offensive or suggestive e-mail?
SEXUAL ATTRACTION &
SEXUAL HARASSMENT
pages 17 - 19
What if I want to ask a co-worker out?
What if a co-worker I'm no longer dating starts spreading rumors?
What if a co-worker uses sexual innuendoes as a joke?
What if a co-worker always gets too close or touches me?
What if a co-worker is always looking at my body?
What if my boss is always looking at my body?
What if a co-worker comes on to me outside of work?
What if a customer comes on to me?
TOLERANCE & DIFFERENCES
pages 20 - 21
What if someone asks me if I'm gay?
What if someone makes fun of my English or my accent?
What if I can't understand a co-worker's English?
What if someone is always mean to me?
What if someone is always trying to get me into
a political or religious discussion?
What if someone makes fun of my personal style?
4
COURTESY & SMALL KINDNESSES
pages 22 - 24
What if someone never says "good morning?"
What if someone never says "thank you?"
What if there's no time for "please and thank you?"
What if my boss is abrupt and rude?
What if a co-worker acts as if they are my boss?
How do I stop a feud?
What if I apologize and my co-worker won't?
HARASSMENT COMPLAINTS & POLICIES
pages 25 - 27
Am I responsible if I just witness harassment, but I'm not part of it?
What if I'm threatened about "squealing?"
Can I remain anonymous if I file a complaint?
What exactly happens when a complaint is filed?
What is the definition of harassment?
What is my company's policy on harassment?
What is my company's policy on sexual harassment?
5
MOODS,
PERSONAL ISSUES
& ATTITUDES
How do I leave my bad mood at the door?
Decide that you’re going to.
It really is that simple—and that hard. But you’re a strong person. And even when
you can’t change your emotions instantly, you can control the way you act. So
before you come in the door, make a conscious decision not to take any of the
stresses of your personal life out on the people you work with.
Here are a couple of tips that might help:

Before you get out of the car or off the bus, write down the stuff in your
personal life that you can’t do anything about during work hours. Leave it
there until you can give it the time it deserves—after work.

Simply spend a few extra minutes in the parking lot before you come in.
Listen to music or flip through a magazine.
If your bad mood is not about home, but work, and you really do have a problem
that you need to address with a co-worker, don’t just sabotage them with your
attitude; talk to them about it.
How do I deal with a grumpy co-worker?
Give them a break and don’t assume that their grumpiness is about you.
Everyone has things going on outside of work, so if one of your co-workers has
an occasional bad day, just let it go. If it looks like it’s becoming an every day
everyday thing or seriously affects the way you work together, you can check it
out in a non threatening way by saying something like, "It seems like you’ve been
under some stress lately. I just want to make sure that if you’re having a problem
with me, you’ll let me know, okay?"
How do I deal with an overly cheerful co-worker?
6
Give them a break and be glad that you’re not dealing with a grump.
Maybe you’re not a morning person. Maybe your peppy co-worker’s cheerful
greeting makes you want to scream. If that's your only problem, it's your problem,
not theirs. Sometimes people annoy us, just because. So if it’s not actually
hurting you, just be polite and move on. After awhile, if someone continues to
happily chat about things unrelated to work, you can always say, “I really need to
concentrate on this project right now.”
How do I deal with negative, sarcastic and whining coworkers?
Good luck.
You need to realize that you can't change or fix people. They only change when
they want to. The problem with these kind of co-workers is that they can drag you
into the same rut that they are stuck in. Be careful. You might be tempted to be
sarcastic back: "That's what I like about you, you're always so positive." Or
"Would you like a little cheese with that whine?" It won't work, but you might feel
better.
What should I do if somebody breaks down in front of
me?
Be sympathetic and give them their privacy.
It’s a helpless feeling to see somebody crying. We often feel the obligation to do
something that will help the person feel better. That’s appropriate with friends
and family. But in the workplace, you are not equipped or expected to be
anyone’s counselor. If somebody breaks down in front of you, you can
acknowledge their situation by saying something like, “I’m sorry you’re so upset.
Is there somebody you can talk to?” or “I’m sorry—I’ll give you some privacy.”
What do I say if someone loses a loved one?
“I’m sorry…”
In situations like this, we sometimes find ourselves at a loss for words, thinking
that we should have something profound to say. Sometimes we feel so awkward
that we don’t say anything at all. Do say something. It’s human kindness to
acknowledge such a profound event in someone’s life. But it’s OK to keep it
simple: “I’m really sorry to hear about your mom.” That’s all a co-worker needs to
hear to let him or her know that you’re sorry for their loss.
7
What do I say if someone’s "significant other" leaves
them ?
Nothing—unless your co-worker shares this information with you
personally.
If someone tells you that their spouse or lover has left or is leaving, a simple “I’m
really sorry.” is enough to let them know that you feel bad for their situation. You
may feel like offering advice or consoling, but unless you're very close, it might
actually be making things worse. Saying anything negative about their partner
isn’t helpful either, especially if they patch things up.
8
GOSSIP, PRIVACY
& NOSY CO-WORKERS
How do I stop someone from telling me gossip?
Stick your fingers in your ears and start singing.
If that doesn't work, interrupt and say something like, "You know what? I would
never listen to something negative about you, and this is none of my business
either." The real problem comes if you've been happy to gossip in the past and
now seem "holier than thou." In that case you might need to say something like,
"You know what? I gossip too much and it's starting to bother me. It would help
me a lot if you took me out of the loop, OK?"
What if I am the target of gossip?
Ask the gossips to stop.
Don’t accuse. Don’t try to get even. That only drags you down to their level. If you
know that someone is talking about you behind your back, go directly to them
that person and say something like, “I hope you know that I would never talk
about you to other people, and I hope I can expect the same in return. Can I?" If
it doesn’t stop and it’s affecting your work or the way others work with you, go to
a supervisor and let him or her know what’s going on. At that point it's not about
you, it's about work.
What if my boss is a gossip?
Good luck.
You might want to take this one in steps. The first step is to send a silent signal.
The next time your boss gossips to you, don't join in. That takes all the fun out of
gossiping. If that doesn't work, you might need to say something like, "You know
what? I need to work with Dave, and, true or not, that doesn't help me respect
him." Yeah, right, you’re thinking. Have any good job leads? Seriously—it doesn’t
have to be that big a deal. Your boss knows they shouldn't be gossiping, so just
smile, make sure you don't lecture, and let them save face.
What if it’s not gossip, it’s a fact?
If the fact is about someone else, it’s still not yours to tell.
Whether it’s true or false, negative information of any kind about another person
is not your business. Everyone should be entitled to share information about
themselves when they want and to whom they want.
Should I tell a co-worker if they are the target of gossip?
No. But in some cases you may want to tell your supervisor.
Putting yourself into the middle of this could get really messy—and you probably
have enough going on at work without stepping into that one. You could certainly
do your part to stop the gossip by telling the gossips to lay off and that you don’t
want to hear it. But, if it continues and is undermining your co-worker’s ability to
do his or her job or it is affecting the way other team members are treating him or
her, tell a supervisor what’s going on.
What if I find out that a co-worker is doing something
unsafe or illegal at work?
That's not gossip. Let a supervisor know.
Don’t put yourself in the position of confronting a co-worker yourself when you
see something like this going on. That’s your supervisor’s job. (And aren’t you
glad?) If someone’s actions are unsafe or illegal, and you know about it, you
could be considered an accessory. That person is putting everyone in the
workplace at risk. By letting someone in leadership know, you’re just doing your
part to protect everyone’s right to work safely.
How do I get someone to stop asking me about
something that I regret I ever shared?
Just let the person know in a nice way that you don’t want to discuss it
anymore.
“I'm sorry if I put you in an awkward position by telling you that. Thanks for being
so concerned, but at this point I'd rather just move on and not talk about it
anymore.”
10
What if a co-worker insists on telling me all of their
troubles?
Kindly tell them that you don’t want to be their counselor.
If the troubles are about work, you can say something like, “I’m sorry. It sounds
like you’re really frustrated. I don’t want to be insensitive, but I need to
concentrate on my work right now”. Maybe it would help to talk to (manager’s
name) about it.”
If your co-worker’s stories are about his or her personal life, you can say
something like, “I know you’re not looking for answers from me, but I’m feeling
uncomfortable talking so much about your personal life.
What if a co-worker asks me what I get paid?
Ask them if they want to know about your love life too.
Not really. Just smile and say something like, "I consider that private
information."
11
PROMISES
& BROKEN PROMISES
How do I say "no" to a request without making someone
mad?
To a co-worker...carefully.
If you are going to say "no" to a request, you need to make sure that the request
is for something that is clearly not your responsibility. Even then, you need to say
it carefully. Here are a couple of ideas:
To a co-worker, when the answer is just “no”:
“Sorry, but as far as I know, that's not my responsibility and I need to
concentrate on my own work right now.”
To a co-worker, when the answer is “not right now”:
“I’m sorry, but I really don’t have the time to do that for you right now. Can
I get it to you by _________?”
To a boss...very carefully.
Obviously, it makes a difference who’s doing the requesting. Your manager is not
going to look too kindly on a friendly “no thanks, I’d rather not” response when he
or she is asking for something. But you do need to take the lead in keeping
requests realistic, so you can deliver what you say you will.
Discuss the request before you agree to it.
You need to find out EXACTLY WHAT and EXACTLY WHEN the requested
action or item is needed. If someone, even your boss, is asking for something
that is unrealistic in the given amount of time, say something like, “Can we talk
about the time frame for this? I don’t want to promise something that I can’t
deliver.”
What if I can’t get something that I promised, done on
time?
Let people know, now.
It happens sometimes. Time slips away, projects grow, we procrastinate …
whatever. The most important thing now is to take responsibility for it, let people
know that it’s not going to be on time. That may not be pleasant, but the bad
news will go down more easily if you can tell them when they can expect it. And
here's another tip - You'll come off looking a lot better if you don’t blame, whine
or make excuses—just get it done.
What if my boss doesn't do what they say they will?
If it affects you negatively, talk to your boss.
OK, this is tricky. After all, your boss is the boss and you don’t want to be
disrespectful. But if your work is suffering because he or she is dropping the ball,
you could say something like, "Can I talk to you about something? Did I
understand correctly when you promised to __________ by this Friday?"
Having said that, say no more. Don't push it. Your boss will get the message.
Should I cover for a co-worker who makes me look bad?
No. But talk to your co-worker about it first before you talk to anyone else.
If someone else’s poor work is making you look bad, you need to be honest with
that person and let him or her know that they need to do their part. You should
also let them know in advance if you're forced to take the problem to your boss.
What do I say to a co-worker who always asks me for
help on things that should be their responsibility?
“I’m sorry—I can’t.”
“I’m sorry—I can’t. I understand that you need help with this, but I'm having
trouble getting my own work done. Maybe you should talk to manager’s name
about getting some help.”
PICTURES,
JOKES
& LANGUAGE
What if someone complains about the language I use,
and no one else cares?
Change the language you use.
Not many of us like confrontation. So you can probably assume that this person
is not complaining because they want to. Your language really offends them. And
maybe it does bother other people but they just haven’t said anything to you.
Regardless, it's much easier to stop using a few words than to explain it all to
your boss, which is probably the next step they'll take if you don't stop. So just
make sure that the words you use at work are appropriate for work.
What if a co-worker makes a racial slur or joke?
Ask him or her to stop.
Racist stories or comments are not only rude, but can bring serious legal
consequences in the workplace. They should never be tolerated. So don’t feel
like you’re being rude when you interrupt the storyteller to say, “I don’t want to
hear that." Demeaning people because of their race is out of line and could get
them fired. If they don't stop, make sure your supervisor knows.
What if a co-worker makes a sexual slur or joke?
Ask him or her to stop.
It can also be illegal and is certainly disrespectful to make negative comments in
the workplace about people based upon their gender—or, for that matter, their
religion, their age, their physical disabilities or any other legally protected status.
(See your company's Anti-Harassment Policy.) Putting those comments in the
form of a joke doesn’t make them any less illegal … or rude for that matter. You
have every right to say something like, "That's not funny, it's rude. And it could
even be illegal." If they don't stop, let a supervisor know.
What if a co-worker calls me an offensive name?
Don’t let it go. Tell him or her to stop.
The old “sticks and stones” rhyme does not apply in the workplace. Words do
harm people. Slurs, name-calling and bullying can be considered illegal. They
should not be happening at work. Don’t tolerate it. If it happens, say something
like, “Please don’t call me that again. That’s totally out of line and personally
offensive.“
If it continues, tell a supervisor.
What if someone gives me a nickname I hate?
Don't let it slide.
Your silence can be taken as permission, so say something to them the first time
it happens. “Please don’t call me by that name. I really don’t like it. OK?”
It’s just that simple. It’s your name. You don’t have to put up with people calling
you anything other than what you want to be called.
How do I tell someone to stop swearing?
You don’t—you ask them.
This can be a tricky subject. Words that are very offensive to one person may
just be words of emphasis to someone else. But if someone else’s swearing is
bothering you, respectfully ask him or her to stop. You might say something like,
“I hope you don't mean it, but there are times when your language offends me." If
the person doesn’t get the message say, "Please don't swear when we’re
working together. It really bothers me.”
What if my boss says demeaning things about people?
If it bothers you, ask him or her to stop.
Whether your boss is trying to be funny or doesn’t even realize how rude he or
she is, demeaning other people is inappropriate in the workplace. So even
though what you really want to say is, “What’s wrong with you? Didn’t your
mother ever teach you any manners?” it would probably be better to try
something like, “Even if you're only kidding, it makes me very uncomfortable to
hear you make fun of other people.”
If it doesn’t stop, talk to another supervisor or someone in your human resources
department about it.
What if someone displays an offensive or suggestive
picture?
Ask them to take it down.
Similar to the old saying "beauty is in the eye of the beholder," the law says that
"offensiveness is in the eye of the beholder." The legal standard that a judge will
uphold is, "What would a reasonable person (or, specifically, a reasonable man
or woman) find offensive?
So if you consider a picture or cartoon more than just stupid or juvenile, if you
really find it offensive, say something. Ask the owner to take it down. If it's
anonymous, take it down yourself. If it persists, let your supervisor know.
What if someone sends me an offensive or suggestive email?
Tell him or her immediately to stop.
Suggestive materials in any form can be considered illegal at work. Even if you're
not the sender of the e-mail, you could be implicated in an investigation. So don’t
let it happen to you. Deal with it right away by replying with something like, “Hey,
I didn’t appreciate that e-mail you sent me. Please don’t send me anything like
that again.”
16
SEXUAL ATTRACTION
& SEXUAL HARASSMENT
What if I want to ask a co-worker out?
Think about it. Then think about it some more.
Some companies have very specific rules against co-workers dating, and for
good reason. They don't want to lose either of you, if love fades. Check out your
company's specifics before you pop the question. There is no law that says you
can’t date co-workers (although some folks who have been through a workturned-personal, turned-rotten relationship would tell you that there should be).
Think about it. How would you feel if you had to go to work tomorrow with all your
ex-girlfriends or ex-boyfriends? Doesn't it sound fun? So weigh the pros and cons
carefully before you act.
The only idea that is worse is an employee/boss relationship. Now there's a
lawsuit waiting to happen.
What if a co-worker I'm no longer dating starts
spreading rumors?
Ask him or her to stop.
Ain't love grand? This is what we meant in the last question about the potential
for things getting messy when co-workers date. OK—no more lecturing. This
situation is more sensitive, because you’ve had a relationship with this person,
but the solution is the same as the one we discussed earlier about handling
gossip. Ask the person to stop by saying something like, “Can we agree to treat
each other with respect at work? Please don’t talk about me to other people and
I’ll make sure not to talk about you.” Or “I know you might be really angry right
now, but can we work this out on our own time? Please don’t talk about me to
people at work.” Hopefully the other person will agree to this level of respect, but
if the rumors continue and are affecting your work, you need to let a manager
help you deal with it.
17
What if a co-worker uses sexual innuendoes as a joke?
Tell him or her to stop.
The dictionary defines an innuendo as "a hint." This technique is safer than overt
harassment because the harasser can claim they never said anything about sex
or they were only joking. But in a court of law, "intent" doesn't matter and "funny"
doesn't matter. So don’t feel like you have to laugh or ignore it when someone
tries to make sexual comments cute. Just say something like, “I don’t think that’s
funny and it isn’t appropriate at work. Please don’t talk like that around me."
What if a co-worker always gets too close or touches
me?
Let them know you don't like it.
People differ on the amount of personal space they need to feel comfortable
when they are talking or working with others. Some people are perfectly fine with
less space and might not realize that they are making you feel uncomfortable by
standing so close. So if you like a little more space around you, just let people
know. “Can you back up a couple of steps? I feel uncomfortable when you stand
so close to me.”
When it comes to others touching you, it's your call. But be clear with others as to
what you like or don't like. Remember, your silence can be confused with
permission. If you feel a person is touching you in a harassing way, say, "I don't
like it when you touch me, so please don't." If you feel the person is touching you
in a friendly way, but it still makes you uncomfortable, just smile and say, “I'd
rather you didn't touch me. Thanks."
If for any reason the person doesn’t stop, talk to your supervisor immediately. If
your supervisor is doing the touching, talk to his or her supervisor or call the
human resources department.
What if a co-worker is always looking at my body?
Tell him or her to stop, or talk to a supervisor if you feel too intimidated.
OK. How awkward is this? What do you say? “Hey, get your eyes off my body.”
Maybe some of us could say that, but most of us couldn’t. However, you can say
it in a different way—and, yes, you have every right to say it. In fact, you need to
say it. No matter what words you choose, it’s going to be uncomfortable, but,
then, not as uncomfortable as their unwelcome gawking at you, right? So try
saying something like, “I’m really uncomfortable with the way that you seem to be
looking at my body when we’re talking.” If the offending co-worker plays innocent,
you could follow up with, “Well, you might not be aware of it, but it really bothers
me, so could you keep your eyes on my eyes when we talk?”
Some of you might be thinking, “Right. I would never be able to say that to one of
my co-workers.” That’s OK. If you feel intimidated by your co-worker or just don’t
have the courage to talk face to face with her or him, tell a manager what’s going
on. But do something about it. It’s not going to go away on its own.
What if my boss is always looking at my body?
Tell someone else in management about it.
We’ve all heard people say, “What can I do? He’s my boss.” Or “She’s my boss.”
But this isn’t just something you put up with. If your boss is looking at you in a
way that makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, it’s sexual harassment and it
needs to stop. It’s understandable that you may not want to confront your boss
yourself, but you need to tell somebody. So go to another manager or to
someone in human resources in your company and let that person help you deal
with the problem.
What if a co-worker comes on to me outside of work?
It's up to you.
The answer here all depends upon the type of come-on, and how you feel toward
the co-worker. If it happens outside of work and it’s not at a work-related function,
then a come-on isn’t automatically harassment (even though it might be
unwelcome). So if you are not interested in seeing this co-worker socially, you
need to tell him or her straight-out, “I’m sorry, but we work together and I’m not
interested in seeing you personally.” If the come-on is offensive to you, let the
other person know that too. “Please don’t talk to me like that. I don’t appreciate it.
And I’m not interested in seeing you socially.” If the co-worker continues to
pursue you in any way (whether at work or outside of work), let a manager know
what’s going on.
What if a customer comes on to me?
Tell him or her to stop and then tell your manager.
Customers should give you the same amount of respect that your company
expects you to give them. So if any of your customers step over the line, you
have every right to say something like, “I don’t appreciate you talking to me like
that. It isn’t OK and I need to ask you to stop.” Then let your manager know what
happened, for two reasons. One, your manager is responsible for talking to the
customer, to make sure that it doesn’t happen to you again. And Two, none of
your co-workers should have to put up with what you just experienced.
19
TOLERANCE
& DIFFERENCES
What if someone asks me if I’m gay?
Don't even address the question.
This question or any question about your sex life, personal relationships or
private life is out of line. Don't say anything, verbally or by your reaction. The
person asking this is either clueless, mentally challenged or incredibly rude or
possibly prejudiced. The best way to respond is to calmly say something like, “I'm
not going to respond to that or any other question about my private life. Please
don’t ask me about my personal life again.” If the person continues, walk away
and let your manager know.
What if someone makes fun of my English or my
accent?
Ask him or her to stop.
Ridiculing anyone for the way he or she speaks is unacceptable in the workplace.
If it’s directed at your ethnic origin it could be legally considered harassment. Go
directly to the person and ask him or her to stop by saying something like,
“Please don’t make fun of the way I speak. I'm trying my best, so please stop." If
the person continues, let your manger know it's happening.
What if I can’t understand a co-worker’s English?
Ask him or her to repeat what they said—more slowly.
If you have a hard time understanding one of your co-workers, don’t just walk
away without a clue as to what that person was saying because you felt too
awkward to ask them to repeat themselves. The person wants to be understood,
you want to understand, so smile and politely ask, “I’m sorry, I didn't understand.
Could you please repeat that more slowly?” And one more hint: Just because
you have trouble understanding someone doesn’t mean that they have trouble
understanding you. So unless someone asks you to, don’t assume that you
should speak slower and certainly not louder.
20
What if someone is always mean to me?
Bullies don't stop until they're confronted.
If someone is always mean to you and you have absolutely no idea why, they
may just be a mean person. It's a sad fact of life, but no matter where you go,
you're going to find bullies. Bullies are basically cowards, so the nicer you are,
the meaner they get, and the meaner you are, the nicer they get. If you can deal
with it, ignore them, but if it's affecting your work, you may want to say something
like, "I can't think of why you should be so rude to me, can you? If we have
something to fix, let's fix it. Otherwise, why don't you pretend I don't exist, and I'll
do the same for you?" If that statement sounds like a little more than you can pull
off, let your manager help you solve the problem.
What if someone is always trying to get me into a
political or religious discussion?
Tell them you're not interested.
Some people sincerely believe that they have discovered truths that will make
your life or the world better. Other people just love a good debate and the sound
of their own voice. They'll bait you with questions and comments until they can
get you into a discussion. It's best just to say something like, "You're obviously
very sincere in your beliefs, but I'm not interested in hearing them right now. If
that changes, I'll come and talk to you. Alright?"
What if someone makes fun of my personal style?
Ask him or her to stop.
Your personal style is just that—personal. With the exception of your supervisor
mentioning that some element of your style is particularly inappropriate for work,
no one else has any right to make jokes or negative comments about it. So
regardless of whether it’s a comment about your hair, your clothes, your jewelry
or anything else, just tell the person (whose own personal style of communication
could be classified as rude) to stop. "My personal style is my own business. I find
your comments offensive, so please stop."
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COURTESY &
SMALL KINDNESSES
What if someone never says "good morning"?
Don’t take it personally and don’t let it stop you from being courteous.
There could be a lot of reasons. Maybe they're shy. Maybe their mind is
elsewhere. Maybe this person is so grumpy in the morning that you don't want
them near you, anyway. There's really no excuse for not being able to muster up
enough courtesy to say "good morning." But if someone you work with can't
manage it, just let it go. Don’t assume that it has anything to do with you.
But don't stop saying "good morning" to them every day. That will really bug
them. Who knows, maybe it will rub off?
What if someone never says "thank you"?
Don’t take it personally and don’t let it stop you from being courteous.
It is irritating when someone you work with doesn’t acknowledge something
you’ve done for them by saying “thank you.” In fact, it’s just plain bad manners.
So if you work with this person a lot and it really bothers you, you could talk with
him or her about it: "You rarely say thank you. Is that intentional?" Otherwise, just
let it go, but make sure that you continue treating him or her with the same
respect you would like others to show you. Like we said, maybe it will rub off.
What if there’s no time to say “please” and “thank you”?
Come on ...
OK. Here’s a test. Keep your eye on your watch and say “thank you.” How long
did that take? One-fifth of a second? Maybe you can shorten it to “thanks”—now
that’s even quicker. So unless you’re a drag racer or you're a member of a
bobsled team, you can probably give up the extra fifth of a second it takes to say
"please” or “thank you" to the people you work with. Now, granted, maybe there
are instances in which time is critical; let's say you're involved in a shootout with
bank robbers: In that case, you can always go back when the dust settles and
hand out the thank-yous.
What if my boss is abrupt and rude?
This one is tricky.
First of all, you need to ask yourself a couple of questions. Does your boss treat
all of your co-workers the same, or do you feel singled out in receiving this
negative treatment? If he or she treats everyone poorly and it really bothers you,
you could talk to your boss about it. But only talk about how it affects you
personally. Don’t go in as an advocate for the whole group. Not only is that not
your job, but it is pretty certain to backfire on you.
And here’s another hint: Don’t start out your conversation with "you" statements
like, “You have no right ...” or “You never treat us with any respect!" Depending
on your tone, those can be fighting words. It's always better to use " I feel"
statements; for example, “... when that happens, I feel unappreciated." Or “...
when I hear that, I feel very disrespected.”
If you feel that you are being singled out and the rude behavior is directed toward
you personally, if it’s abusive, and if it’s affecting your work, you need to talk to
someone else in management or your human resources department about it. It
may be closer to harassment than just a grouchy personality. And if you do
speak up about harassment, your company has an obligation to make sure that
your boss does not retaliate in any form.
What if a co-worker acts like they are my boss?
Bring it up softly.
Maybe this person has worked there longer, maybe they've been asked to train
you, or maybe they're just pushy and they wish they were your boss. As insulting
as it is, to be ordered around by a co-worker, the best way to solve it is with
subtlety. The challenge here is to talk to your co-worker without being defensive
or making them defensive. You might try saying something like, “I hope you don’t
mean it, but there are times when some of your requests sound more like
demands." or "Sometimes I feel like you’re giving me orders when we’re equal
co-workers, right?” If that doesn't work, check in with your supervisor about it.
How do I stop a feud?
Stop being part of it.
It’s about that straightforward. If there’s an ongoing problem between you and a
co-worker, do your part to end it. Maybe you need to apologize: “Look, I acted
like a jerk earlier. I’m sorry.” If you're not ready to do that, maybe you just need to
take one small step by saying “goodnight” at the end of the day or “good
morning” if you left on bad terms the day before. No matter how rough things get,
those are the small kindnesses that can build bridges between people again. And
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what if the other person doesn’t respond right away? Just keep doing the right
thing. Keep showing him or her respect and know that you’ve done what you can
to resolve the problem.
It’s a little different if the feud is between two other co-workers. You can’t solve
other people’s problems and it really isn’t your job. But you can do something to
keep it from getting worse: Refuse to side with either of them. "I won't talk to
them about you and I need to show them the same respect." Other than that, if
it’s not affecting work, just let it go. If it is affecting work, it’s a manager’s job to
end it.
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HARASSMENT
COMPLAINTS
& POLICIES
Am I responsible if I just witness harassment, but I'm
not part of it?
Yes.
As a fellow human being and a respectful co-worker, you are very responsible for
trying to stop harassment. Wouldn't you want someone to help you or a member
of your family if they were being harassed? And, yes, from a legal standpoint,
you may very well be held responsible for your knowledge and witnessing of an
illegal act. You don't need to step into the middle of it yourself, but you certainly
need to tell your supervisor or someone else in authority.
What if I'm threatened about "squealing?"
The penalty for threatening can be worse than harassing.
A harasser risks losing their job if an investigation proves they were guilty, but it
rarely becomes a police matter. On the other hand, threatening bodily harm to
you or anyone else is a criminal offense as well as grounds for immediate
termination in most cases. (See your company's harassment policy). It is illegal to
retaliate in any way against someone who reports harassment or who cooperates in a harassment investigation.
Can I remain anonymous if I file a complaint or help with
a harassment investigation?
Maybe, but it all depends.
Each investigation is different. Your company is going to be very sensitive to
protect the identity and reputation of everyone involved in a complaint until all the
facts are known and proven. But there are no guarantees of anonymity. If you
were suddenly charged with harassment, wouldn't you feel you had the right to
know who was making the charges? It takes courage to file a complaint and it
takes the same courage to stand with someone who's been hurt by harassment.
What exactly happens when a complaint is filed?
Your company may do things differently but...
... for most companies, the process looks like this:
Investigation
• There will be an immediate investigation including interviews with the person
filing the complaint, the alleged harasser, and any witnesses.
• Both the complainant and the alleged harasser will be asked to complete a
signed, written statement detailing their recollections of the event(s).
Evaluation
• The investigation team will consider the evidence and come to a timely
decision.
Action
• Both parties will be notified immediately as to whether harassment has been
found or not. If there is proof of harassment, discipline will be given to the
harasser, ranging from a warning, to unpaid suspension, to termination.
What is the definition of harassment?
Harassment is not always intentional and doesn't have to be intentional to be
illegal. Men can harass men, women can harass women, women can harass
men, and men can harass women. It's the behavior that counts, not the gender of
the participants. A person can feel harassed even if he or she is not the intended
target of the behavior. While not all harassing behavior meets the standard of
illegal conduct, any workplace harassment is inappropriate and should not be
tolerated. If you feel harassed at work or you are aware of incidents of workplace
harassment, you have a right and responsibility to address the situation. You
may confront the harasser if you feel comfortable doing so, or report the
harassment to your manager or an appropriate human resources manager. If you
report an incident of harassment, the organization will conduct a fair, discreet
investigation and appropriate corrective action will be taken. It is illegal to
retaliate in any way against an employee for complaining about or reporting
workplace harassment.
What is my company's policy on harassment?
Your company is committed to maintaining a work environment that is free from
discrimination. In keeping with this commitment, we will not tolerate harassment
of our employees by any supervisor, co-worker, vendor or customer of this
company.
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Harassment consists of unwelcome conduct, whether verbal, physical or visual,
that is based on a person's protected status, such as sex, color, race, religion,
national origin, age, physical or mental disability or other protected group status.
The company will not tolerate harassing behavior that affects tangible job
benefits, that interferes unreasonably with an individual's work performance, or
that creates an intimidating, hostile, or offensive working environment. Such
harassment may include, for example, jokes about another person's protected
status, kidding, teasing or practical jokes directed at a person based upon his or
her protected status.
All employees are responsible to help assure that we avoid harassment. If you
feel that you have experienced or witnessed workplace harassment, you are to
notify the human resources manager, your department head or your supervisor.
The company forbids retaliation against anyone for reporting harassment,
assisting in making a harassment compliant or co-operating in a harassment
investigation. If you feel you have been retaliated against, you are to notify the
human resources manager, your department head or your supervisor.
Your company's policy is to investigate all such complaints thoroughly and
promptly. To the fullest extent practicable, the company will keep complaints and
the terms of their resolution confidential. If an investigation confirms that a
violation of the policy has occurred, the company will take corrective action,
including discipline, up to and including immediate termination of employment.
What is my company's policy on sexual harassment?
Your company fully supports laws and regulations designed to prevent sexual
harassment within the work environment. Sexual harassment consists of
unwelcome sexual conduct, sexual advances, requests for sexual favors and
other visual, verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature that is a term or
condition of employment. It is sexual harassment when submission to or rejection
of such conduct is used as a basis for employment decisions, such as hiring,
scheduling or continued employment. It is also sexual harassment when such
conduct unreasonably interferes with an individual's job performance or creates
an intimidating, hostile or offensive work environment.
Sexual harassment will not be tolerated and will result in disciplinary action,
including possible termination. If you feel that you are being subjected to sexual
harassment, promptly contact your immediate supervisor, your supervisor's
supervisor, the human resources manager or any appropriate corporate officer or
company representative.
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About this Book
Disrespect is at the root of all harassment. This book is a simple and very basic
handbook about the ways in which we can show respect toward the people we
work with.
This handbook is designed to provide employees with quick and practical advice,
from common courtesy and greetings to refraining from gossip and rude remarks,
on showing and getting respect at work. Topics include:
MOODS, PERSONAL ISSUES & ATTITUDES
GOSSIP, PRIVACY & NOSY CO-WORKERS
PROMISES & BROKEN PROMISES
PICTURES, JOKES & LANGUAGE
SEXUAL ATTRACTION & SEXUAL HARASSMENT
TOLERANCE & DIFFERENCES
COURTESY & SMALL KINDNESSES
HARASSMENT COMPLAINTS & POLICIES
We're proud of this handbook. We hope that every employee in your organization
can have one.
About the Publisher
Media Partners publishes performance improvement materials and media-based
training for organizations around the world. The company was founded in 1993 in
Seattle, Washington.
We've collected a very select library of training tools from the industry's best
training producers. We strive to represent only those products that we believe
have the highest production values, are based on human truth, are decidedly
positive and are truly inspirational. You can view our entire library on-line at
www.mpcfilms.com
All of us at Media Partners sincerely hope that you find our materials enjoyable to
use, and that our books and programs help you make a positive difference in
your world.
This handbook is designed to be used with an accompanying video program of
the same name, IN THIS together.
To order that program, more handbooks or for any other information, please call:
1-800-408-5657
or find us on-line at
www.mpcfilms.com
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