Asking Better Questions: Communicating Like a Coach

5/16/2016
“It is not the
answer that
enlightens,
but the
question.”
~Eugene Ionesco
ASKING BETTER QUESTIONS
Communicating Like a Coach
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BE reflective.
Reflection requires you to step away from the noise and spend time alone. No experience, knowledge or understanding is truly integrated until you spend time reflecting upon it. Reflection smudges what we know and believe into who we are and what we do.
BE relaxed.
When you are comfortable, that comfort spreads to those around you. Your comfort can dominate your space in how you speak, how you carry yourself, how you sit and how you look. Tension is radiated in the same way. Creativity, problem solving blossoms in a comfortable setting while tension strangles any attempt at constructive thinking.
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BE connected.
Isolation creates inward behaviors. Connection creates outward thoughts. Staying connected to your world requires energy. The energy of connection advances trust in the world, in others, in yourself. Your trust builds on itself and encourages trust in others.
BE a coach. Every day.
Coaching either becomes how you go about your days or you’re not coaching. You are simply mimicking words. It is a way of living, of approaching people and life. Halfhearted efforts are useless – like only breathing in. 3
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BE quiet.
When we talk, we learn nothing. In listening, we learn everything. Stop talking. Make space for the silence. Make room for others’ thoughts. Listen wholly to the results of your quiet.
BE discreet.
When a client presents you with a problem, a natural response is to provide an answer. A coach’s work is not to solve other’s problems but guide them, through questions, to their own answers.
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Be inquisitive.
Curiosity is a necessary
component of coaching. Asking questions and wanting to know the answers is key to great coaching. A careful, energetic listening to the answers produces insight that in turn creates powerful understanding in your client.
BE humble.
Coaching isn’t about you. At all. No matter what a client chooses, says or does, it’s not about you. It is their choice, their words, their actions. Your role is to open up the world of their answers. Let go of the results. They are not yours to hold onto.
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BE aware of yourself.
We bring ourselves to every conversation. As a coach, it is important to edit out our own biases, judgments and opinions. We can only edit what we acknowledge about ourselves. Self‐
awareness is essential to effective coaching.
BE mindful.
This work can take time. Allow the time it needs to flourish. Take your time in crafting your questions. Give time for the answers. Give time for the silence in working it through. This can’t be hurried. 6
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Five bums and a field goal post
wwwww
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Tips for Asking Great Questions
Keep them short and simple.
Phrase them for clarity.
One question at a time
Cut the intro, the lead up and ask the question.
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Tips for Asking Great Questions
Acknowledge the answer.
Don’t include the answer or offer advice in your question. Identify what you will learn from the answer.
Consider what you want your client to discover from the answer.
Don’t coach the ghost.
Sometimes, you just have to laugh….
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Compelling Coaching Questions
The Kickstart Question: “What’s on your mind?”
Get to what matters
Broad enough to encourage a response
Narrow enough to avoid unimportant conversation
It’s a pressure release valve 10
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The AWE Question: “And what else?”
Uncovers and creates new possibilities
What’s on your mind? And what else?
Stay genuine and curious
And what else could you do?
Ask it one more time
What’s the real challenge for you here? And what else?
What’s important right now? And what else?
Recognize success – there is nothing else
And what else might be possible?
Move on when it’s time. Use the wrap question, “Is there anything else?”
The Focus Question: “What’s the real challenge here,
for you?
The Eureka moment.
Focus on the real problem, not the first problem.
Client may talk about another person as a problem, may speak in abstract and general terms. Ask the focus question to get to the heart of the matter.
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The Foundation Question: “What do you really want?”
Affection
Creation
Behind every want is a need. Recreation
Recognizing the need behind the want creates Identity
Understanding
understanding.
Freedom
Nine universal needs.
Participation
Protection
Subsistence
The LazyQuestion: “What do you want from me?
Watch tonal quality
How not to over help, under help or not help at Victim
all
Karpman
Be prepared to respond with boundaries
Drama Triangle
Karpman Drama Triangle
Persecutor
Rescuer
Yes. (But only if you really can help and it’s appropriate )
No, I can’t do that.
I can’t do that but I can do ……
Let me get back to you.
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The Strategic Question: “When you say yes to this, what are you saying no to?”
Say yes more slowly Consider the request
Consider the consequences Play the tape to the end
The Learning Question: “What was most useful to you?”
People don’t learn completely by reading, doing, seeing. The last step to every learning is reflection.
Interrupt the process of forgetting.
Reflection is a form of practice.
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The Impact of Great Coaching Questions
Question
Client Insight
Counselor Learns
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Yellow Wood Pathways
Integrity matters.
Autumn Lubin
CEO
Chief Enthusiast and Organizer
Cairns are used for wayfinding. They mark a path of progress and locate that which matters most. Autumn Lubin
CEO
Chief Enthusiast and Organizer
Yellow Wood Pathways
Integrity matters.
Cairns are used for wayfinding. They mark a path of progress and locate that which matters most. 16