Male Bodied Anatomy Readings

56.
JJJtIII_--
CHAPTER
5
On the Penis
T
his chapter was written for women readers, although the men who
have seen it claim to be amused. The topic is boys and their toys.
Hopefully the following pages provide some insight into the love,
and sometimes hate, relationship between a man and his weenie.
Toys, Pain &: Pleasure
As a woman, the first thing you will find out about penises and testicles
is that most guys take them way too seriously. There are reasons for this:
.~ The penis is the only childhood toy that a guy gets to keep and play
with throughout
his entire life. It is the only toy he will ever own that feels
good when he tugs on it, that constantly changes size and shape, and is activated by the realm of the senses. Try to find that at Toys'R'Us .
.~ One of the first things a man does when he wakes up in the morning
and the last thing he does at night is to touch his penis and testicles. It's a
male ritual of self-affirmation
that has little to do with sexual stimulation.
A daytime extension of this is known as pocket pool.
-li'The average male pees between five and seven times a day. Each time
he pees he has a specific ritual, from the way he pulls his penis out to how
he wags it when he's done. When he is peeing alone a guy will often invent
imaginary targets in the toilet to gun for. An especially fine time is had when
a cigarette butt has been left behind. Gunning for floating cigarette butts is
the male urinary equivalent of playing Halo or World of Ware raft. While this
may be a difficult concept for a woman to fully grasp, it does make for a certain amount offamiliarity, friendship, and even self-bonding between a man
and his penis.
58 . On
the Penis
~Another bathroom-related matter has to do with visual reinfOrc~ment.How many women look down when they are peeing to see what s
comingout oftheir bodies?Guyslook down often. As a result, we males get
visualreinforcementfor the feelings we have in our genitals when we pee .
. e when they use tamWhilewomenexperiencea hand-eye-gem.1.a I expenenc
pons,it's usuallynot all that visual, and it doesn't start until after puberty.
Betweenerections,pocket pool,package adjustments and peeing, guys have
far more sensoryexperience with the penis than most women have with
theirvaginas.Thismust be why women sometimes call us "Dicks!"
·~You wouldn't believe how often the human male experiences a jolt
of pain in histesticles. It is a discomfort that gives a guy the kind of extrapersonal relationship with his reproductive equipment that menstruating women havewith theirs. The source of agony can be anything from an
elbowduring a game of basketball to Simply bending over and having your
pants crimp the very life force out of you. One of the great culprits in male
testicular angstis the horizontal bar on the bicycle frame. Why is it that girls'
blcycleframes are V-shaped when it is guys who need the Vi Not only did
this confusionamong bicyclemakers result in our younger selves not getting
to lookup girls'dresses when they were mounting their bikes, but many of
us still have the word Schwinn engraved on the underside of our testicles
fromeach timea foot slipped off the pedal.
1fThis may be difficult to fully appreciate, but there is the matter of the
unwanted hard-on. The unwanted hard-on usually strikes vvith predictable
ferOciousnessfirst thing in the morning. Not only does it interfere with the
ability to relievea full bladder, but it provides logistical problems for a guy
Whohas to traverse shared hallways to get to the bathroom. The unwanted
hard-on can be excruCiating and even painful for its most frequent victim,
the adolescent male. The unwanted hard-on is much less of a problem after
a man turns thirty, and by the time he'sforty it is an event accompanied by a
sigh of reliefand a moment of thanks.
Our society teaches us that sexual pleasure between a man and
a woman depends on the man's ability to get hard and stay hard. What a
demented view of sex.This puts a lot of pressure on guys to be consummate
COCltsmen.ltmakes us more dick-centered than necessary, at the expense of
everyone.
•
On the Penis' 59
1fWhen life is full of despair, the one thing that a guy can usually count
on for a good feeling is his penis, unless matters are totally out of hand, in
whichcase he needs to consider something stronger like tequila or prayer.
These items aside, the most important thing for a woman to know
about a penis is how it figures into a man's concept of his own manliness.
Ridiculous,but important.
Weirdness in the Locker Room
Youmight think that a man's primary concern about penis size has to
dowith what a sexual partner likes. But how he stacks up among his buds is
just as important, if not more. When we asked men if they feel comfortable
aboutbeing naked in the locker room, the majority answered the question as
if we'dasked about penis size,even if the words "penis" and "size"were never
partofthe question. These are the exact answers men gave when asked:
"How do you feel about being naked in the locker room?"
"1used to feel uncomfortable back in my freshman year of high
school.Then I realized that 1was really a little bigger than average."
maleage21
"] used to think that my penis was really small, and so 1was shy
about it. As it turns out, I'm on the high end of average when erect:
I'm just not a hanger." male O>/e32
"I have an inferiority complex about the size of my penis. I don't
care how many studies tell me that I am right in the middle of the
curve, I will always feel small." male O>/e25
"Iwas raised in a fairly strict and religiouSenvironment, so nudity of
any kind was a no-no. My equipment is pretty small, and Iwas a late
bloomer. All this adds up to being very shy about my own appearance. In junior high and high school. when 'naked locker time' was
mandatory, I would arrive as early as possible and change quickly
so that others wouldn't see me. If others were around me without
clothes on, 1 gave myself tunnel vision or imaginary blinders so I
wouldn't see other guys' equipment. I didn't want to be perceived as
gay, and glancing around was a good way to get yourself taunted at
least, beat up at worst." male O>/e41 (Andthis fJuywas straight!)
60 • On the Penis
id they were comfortable in the locker room often
The men w h a sal
made reference to their penis size as well, indicating they were well hung.
diet how a man feels about being naked In the locker
You can aImas t pre I
room by asking how he feels about the sizeof his penis ..Hopefully, the following from a Marine who has been in combathelps provide perspective:
'The tradition of group showers is still strong in the Marine Corps. It
makes us more comfortable with each other,and if you are trusting a
guy to save your life, do you really think penis size is that big a deal?
Beforethe military though, I worried Ididn't 'measure up." male 27
As for guys checkingout other guys,youwould think this
curiosity would
decrease as they get to be adults.Not so,accordingto a study by a group of
Ph.D.students. Thesestudents hung out in restrooms at a San Diego Padres
game and secretly studied a hundred differentmen who were peeing. They
claim that many of the men made an attempt to check out the equipment
of whomever was peeing next to them. Furthermore, men who were wellendowed went out of their way to show theirbigger units to the other men
who were peeing.These tendenciesmight bemore true of Padres fans than
say, Phlllies fans, who are usuallytoo busyweeping in the men's room to'
check out the sizeof the other boys'bats . Soif you are a man w h a h as ever
glanced down at another man'speniswhenyou are peemg,
. ta k e comfort In
.
knowing that youare probablynormal.
Itt, Shape, Plumbing & The Goofy Dick Game
Ads like thosebelow havefloodedthe b
tines since the 18005.Weno h
. acks of newspapers and magawave TVmfomerciaJ d
.
products for "natural male enh
sane-malls promoting
ancement"The d
neverhave-but the scamsstilldo.
.
pro ucts don't work-they
SMAUPENIS?
EREcnON PROBLEMS?
UNGA-I00 " the
~end designed 10pure, na1UfaI Iaboratay
'IS and Induce & o:tuaJIy enlarge Ihe II'mUffiple
toon ereclions.
aIIows long,
In!ense, dee p~sati .
. a more
deveoPing seXual sIj1ng male d,max wtOle
and menial
lIOWer,
i/IvsicaJ S1rengIh
';<\led by ~~ess.
UNGA-lOO was 00natual sex hormoo~SS SCIentista Involved In
~,-"=,,,re,seerdl. I!!ousaMs of
u:::
On the Penis- 61
anus
epididyms
What's Inside a Guy
62 • On the
Penis
The Bone Yard
""",..
Shape Fromthese drawings of real-life erections, you can see that terms like
"6 Inches"or "normal"are somewhat meaningless. All of these erect penises
are normal,yet very different from each other. One points down.
Size. In a review of stUdies that included 15,521penises, the average length
of an erect penis was about 5·25to 5.5inches. The average circumference was
about 4-5inches.Thelength of a penis when not erect was about 3.5inches.
A penis that is 7 inches long when erect is in the upper 97th percentile of all
penises. It's reasonable to asSUmethat guys who are in porn or who upload
videos of themselves to porn sites have the largest 1%to 5% of all penises
both in length and cirCUmference.Also, when men measure their own
penises, the length ends up being way longer than when researchers do it.
On the Penis- 63
The Wrecking Yard
64 • On tht
Ptnis
THE GOOFY DICK GAME
Real
Penises of Real Guys
John
L
Samuel
(
Il.
$I
.l~~.
1c.
An tonin
~
I
Specialthanks to Joe Sparling, Ph.D.,
whose real-life photos of male members
were used to make these illustrations.
On the Penis- 6S
You Be the Judge!
Match Each Soft Penis On
The Other Page With Its Erection
On This Page
FRENULUM
Part that feels
extra nice
when rubbed
and kissed.
D
66 . On the Penis
Manliness - What Is It?
In our culture, being manly means you don't act gay. It also means if you
have girly parts to your character, you keep them hidden. But this is defining
masculinity by saying what it isn't.
What is being masculine? Is it a physical way of being? Is it a state of
mind? Is it having the right politics? Is it what your dick gets hard over? Can
you still be manly if you sound like a prissy snap-queen? This Guide's definition of masculinity keeps evolving. Here it is in its current state:
Masculinity is mostly an invention of modern culture. It doesn't
have a huge foundation in science or nature, yet it remains a powerful force in the way we view ourselves and each other.
To be manly or masculine in American culture, a guy should be a
fairly responsible person who can be independent when the occasion demands. Asoften as not, he should be caring, comforting, and
kind. He should be able to give and receive physical and emotional
tenderness without being too controlling. He should have values
and a good work ethic, and he shouldn't need to prove his masculinity by trying to scare or intimidate others.
He doesn't need to have a pussy-seeking sensor at the end of his
penis, and his physical appearance can range from Bill Gates geek
to movie star perfect. Showering to prevent smelly balls and pits
should be a priority.
There are plenty of males who have none of these qualities but appear
to be total studs nonetheless. These are guys who usually take their penises
way too seriously. That is because the only way they can convince th
_
selves they are real men i b
rf
.
em
be
d .
s y pe orrnmg manly activities or drinking lots of
se:e::nt~~~:;:;~da~db
then havm g' a vagina nearby they can stick themh than substance.
e more s ow
Penis As Camouflage' Wh I'
.
Who Takes His Penis ~o ys t ,s D1fficult to Be Satisfied
o erIOUS Y l
By a Guy
A hard peru .
s IS sometimes used to camoufl
,.
.
man, as well as what's rnt . ,
age what s mlssmg inside a
ssmg in a relationship b tw
If a guy is all hung up ab t hi
,
.
e een a man and a woman.
d
ou ISperus bemg a symb I f hi
emands that it have a di
0 0
IS manliness or
IsproportlOnate amount of attention, then it gets
On the
penis-
67
in the way of his being at one with a lover. The same is true for a male who
needs to always playa manly role. He sometimes feels more warmth for his
car or computer than for his partner.
Unfortunately,
a lot of women
grew up thinking that a distant, self-
involved, dick-centered type of guy is what manhood is all about. As a result,
they end up being attracted to males with whom they can never really get
close, and spend the rest of their lives bellyaching about what duds men are.
Narcisso 'Gasms
Biologically, most women can have a couple of orgasms to the average
man's one. This is fine with most men, since most of us would like to see our
partners have as much pleasure as their hearts desire. But for a man who
takes his penis too seriously, orgasm giving can become too important. A
partner's orgasms become reassurance that he is a total guy. We all do this to
some extent, but for some it's a matter of narcissistic life and death.
If your man Is like this, you may discover that your main function in life
is to look good and have lots of loud orgasms. Or maybe it's just to look good.
Consider yourself an offering to the great Dick God.
The Penile-Pumping Regatta
Some men lose emotional
connection
once intercourse
woman starts to feel like she's become a masturbation
begins. The
machine. Sex becomes
a pumping regatta in order to prove dick-worthiness. This can be really boring for both partners.
To give you an idea of how much insecurity is involved in all this, consider the words of a 29-year-old man who is starting to question why he
takes his penis so seriously:
"It's like, I attack sex. I'm afraid of slowing it down. If I'm gonna be
fucking, I'llfuck like crazy, gotta have a huge dick and fuck like crazy
to avoid dealing with whatever's making me anxious. Women have
always said to me, 'God, you can't get enough.' But I think the reason
I can't get enough is that if I slow down, the fears start to crowd in
on me. Does this woman really want to be with me? Is she going to
leave? Is my cock good enough? It's hard for me not to use sex as a
seal of approval."
-From
Harry Maurer's
Sex: An Oral
History, Viking Press
68 . On the Penis
ofwomen who have their own insecurities.
Ofcourse there are P 1enty
.
, . 1 t r wearing a padded bra all that different from
Is gettingbreast imp an so.
I
this guy'sneed to havea perfectperus.
paranoia about dick worthiness. The fact
Note:Pam merely re,·n,f.orces
y'
that mostpam actors consume nearlyfatal amounts of boner drugs to stay
hard isloston most men and women.
The Diagnosis & Cure
Howdo you distinguish a man who takes his penis too seriously from
one whodoesn't?
Theman who doesn't take his penis too seriously doesn't flake out
when it comes to doing the dishes. He may have various passions in life,
oftensports,music,gaming,work,ortrying to fix things (sometimes successfully),butthese usuallyhelp to center rather than isolate him. Sex with him
is a naturalextensionofyour friendship. It makes all the sense in the world.
Asfor"curing"the kind of man who takes his penis too seriously, you
can't.Hardas you mighttry,no human being has ever changed just because
someoneelse wanted him or her to. It's something that has to come from
Within.Friendsand loverscan sometimes help if they are willing to call the
guy onhisnonsense,but they can't make the changes for him.
SexualAwareness: Hood Ornaments vs. Wet Triangles
Whenit comes to sexu 1
a awareness, the penis is positioned like the
hoodornament on a ca It' diffi
.
t 1lin
r. s I cult to Ignore what your hood ornament is
e gyouWhenit'smakin t .
,
g a ent In the front of your pants. Sometimes we
guysarent even awarewe are
ingtogethard.
seXUallyaroused until we feel ourselves startWomenare not conditionedfr
arousalwith specifi b d
. om early childhood to associate sexual
c 0 ycuesmth
th
often swelland lub .
e way at men are. While their genitals
ncate, no fla
t
on theinSideand c b
gs ge waved. Most of the changes happen
an e chalked·upt
. .
.
Iegs,Besides,"good"
. loa
ruce tingly sensation between thea
grrs are often ta ht .
Whilethe p .
ug to Ignore their body's sexual cues.
emscan be a rell b .
haveitsshareoffalsepo lti
a le mdicator of sexual excitement it does
sllvesad·
.
n occasIOnal negatives.
The Penis
The head is part of the spongy
corpus spongiosum.
The spongy head sits on top of the rigid
chambers of the corpus caver-nosum
giving the erect penis some padding.
deep
dorsal vein
dorsal nerve
dorsal artery
frenulum
Penis with its lid
pried off.
corpus
cavernosum _--+--t
corpus
spongiosum
tunica albuginea of
corpus cavernosum
deep fascia
(Buck's fascia)
superficial fascia
(the strong deeper
layer is Calles' fascia)
----t,'f-_superficial
lateral vein
70 . On the Penis
How. Penis Gets Hard
. has three chambersinside that run .the. length of it. Two of
The perus
thechambersare responsibleformaking it hard or nglli They are called the
corpuscavemosa.Theyrun parallelto each other up the shaft of the penis.
Thinkof a double-barrelshotgun,and that's how they sit next to each other.
Thesetwo chambersor cylindersare made of spongy material that are COy.
eredby a thin but extremelytough exterior. To get an erection. they fill up
withblood.Asa result,the bloodpressure in an erect penis is way higher
thanthe bloodpressurein the restof a man's body.
Thethird chamberis made of a similar spongy tissue and it encircles
theurethra,or the tube that a man pees and ejaculates through. While this
thirdtube expandsduringerection,it doesn't get hard or rigid like the other
twotubes,Ifit did,it wouldcrimpshutthe urethra and there's no way a guy
couidejaculatethroughit.
Thisthird chamber,which is called the corpus spongiosum, also forms
the headof the penis.While the head of the penis expands or mushrooms
dUringerection,it staysrelativelysoft,
Unwanted Wood
"Forsome reasonout f h
't·
,0
now ere,your penis starts to get hard, and
I IS extremeiydifficultto stop"
I
. maeose25
"It'stotally embarrassin ~ ,
can't.Soyoust rt uTI' g. au Just Want to get up and go, but you
thebUlge youab p rng onyour shirt or sweater to try to cover up
.
ecomevery if
.
lOOking
at yourcr tch"
se -conscIOUs; you think everyone is
o , maleaae43
"It's Ilk
.
.
e berngInan elevator 'th
\Vj
~~Ph
an umbrella that Will not go down."
~k.G
'.
YSlcailyhurt When 0
'.
POInltng
d
ownward
.
Y
ur
penIs
IS trapped in your jeans
soey ,
and It sUddenl
er maleaae26
y gets hard for no reason what-
"Mostof my m
emo'
erailydu .
nes of unWanted
'
rrng ciass,andI
,erectIOns
Were at school, genWasternfied th
at SOmeone would notice."
male 09'24
On the Penis» 71
"I travel a lot for business and sometimes wake up erect after a
flight. It's terribly embarrassing. If I can't think the damn thing
down, then I have to go through the tricky maneuver of flipping
it up, trapping it under my waistband without being noticed, and
then keeping my briefcase in front of me when 1stand." male a[Je 25
Women usually assume that the presence of a hard-on means that a
man is sexually aroused, and that no rise in his pants means he isn't. If only
it were that simple. Consider the occurrence of the unwanted hard-on. The
average teenage male is capable of getting a totally unwanted
hard-on in
the middle of an algebra test for absolutely no reason, unless he is a member of that rare breed who finds polynomial equations sexually arousing.
When you are a young man, hard-ons just happen; nobody is more befuddled
than the possessor of the penis. To say that all hard-ens are a sign of sexual
arousal badly overstates the case. One reader took a bad grade in an earlymorning high school class because he couldn't go to the chalkboard due to
his unwanted erections. His only thoughts were of embarrassment, not sex.
In addition to getting unwanted hard-ens, there are times when a man
can feel highly aroused, yet either fail to get hard or have it go limp when he
needs it the most (f1oppus erectus).
Hiding an Unwanted Erection
A large portion of unwanted erections have little to do with being sexually aroused, and guys usually have no more control over them than women
do over getting their periods. Sothinking about awful things like french-kissing your grandmother isn't going to bring a raging hard-on down because
it's probably not about sex to begin with. Pinching yourself until you bleed
won't help, and jerking off more often than you already do won't change
anything. Since you can't prevent unwanted erections, it helps to have ways
to hide them.
If unwanted erections are a problem, avoid wearing sweat pants in public places. Wear pants that are have more rigid material like denim, because
the sweat pant material is more likely to drape around your erection and
show it off. You might avoid skinny jeans as well.
Baggy untucked Ts or sweat shirts have been saving young men from
boner embarrassment
since the beginning of time. The same is true for a
12 • On the Penis
ith I ng straps that you can casually shift
briefcase,backpack or laptop bag WI ; I omfortable in the up direction,
t f
crotch.Ifyour erection ee s c
In
fran
a
your
. your poeket san,d nudge it under the waistband
of your
put your hands In
brtefs orboxers. Mencallthis maneuverthe 'waistband tuck.
False Negatives: When Gravity Dings the Dong
Confuciussays
If limp dick isworst thin9 that happens to your relationship,
you livecharmed life.
Hopefully,yourlovemakingisn't solely dependent on the man's ability
to get hard. If it is,your sexual relationship might be somewhat limited. It's
, lsc disconcertingto thinkthat yourentire sex life might be centered on the
whimsof the averagepenis,hard orsoft.
Regarding the biologyof erections, it is perfectly normal for a hard
(l<!nlsto partly deflateeveryfifteenminutes or so. Regarding the psychology
of erectIons,hard-onshavebeen known to fly south for varying periods of
time,from a singledaytoWhoknowshow long.
The most unhelpfulthing a woman can do when a guy can't get it up is
to becomedefensiveWom n ft
.
e a enassume
that erection failures mean the
m.tn doesn't findthem att act·
h
I Butthere area billionrIve
th ort at he might be gay. These are possibiliII mfeallng youwon'tbegood'
0 erreasonsfor not being able to get an erection,
b
Phylealproblemslilt di b In ed to what just happened on Wail Street.
e a etescanalso be a factor
GIVenthe stressofliVingin th
.
bl 10 get It up asoften
emodem world, it's a wonder we men are
asWedoAndg' th
nlln lOmerelationshi
.
iven e lack of tenderness or exciteps, an unerectp . .
WOrn n needtogetdo
erus rrught be a signal that the man
Will
ser emotionally.
mostof us havebe
.
I r PtthaPi Itmightb enrilsed to think of a limp penis as a sign of
e moreproduct.
.
rnan andwomantogeth (
Iveto VIew it as an opportunity
to
--""'"01< laOure
er. Fora mar
,see Chapter5S' WIt
e complete discussion of male
IttIy"DlQ
. en YOurSystem Crashes.)
f
tUm""", Books ~ passageIsfromBetty DOds '
addressingtheis
ons classic Sex for One from
SUeof rrusbeh .
aVIng penises, Ms. Dodson
On the Penis- 73
speaks with welcome concern:
"Although I ran only a dozen men's groups, the experience helped
me to let go of myoid conviction that men got a better deal when it
came to sex....Ithought they could always have easy orgasms even
with casual sex, and I envied their never having to worry about
the biological realities of periods or pregnancies. But the truth is
that not all men are able to be assertive studs who make out all
the time ....The most consistent sex problem for many men in the
workshops was owning a penis that seemed to have a will of its
own. An unpredictable sex organ that got hard when no one was
around and then refused to become erect when a man was holding
the woman of his dreams in his arms...."
Ifthis situation sounds familiar, tell your man that there probably isn't
a woman alive who wouldn't be happy to receive a long, lingering back rub
and oral sex in the place ofintercourse. Or what about a go at an extended
orgasm from Chapter 15:The Zen of Finger Fucking? If his woody won't work,
let him know in no uncertain terms that there are plenty of other ways to
please you sexually.
This Guide's philosophy:
Never, ever let a recalcitrant penis ruin sex for either of you!
When Young Men Use Boner Drugs Recreationally
Ordinarily, a discussion of using erection drugs should be in the chapter
on erection problems. But there is an increasing number of young men who
don't have erection problems but take erection drugs for recreational purposes. This might be due to unreal expectations that their penis needs to be
like that of porn stars, who are taking erection drugs themselves.
The problem is that once young men who don't need erection drugs
start taking them, they become less confident in their own erections. They
expect erections that are harder than normal and quicker on the rebound. So
they give themselves a false expectation of what an erection is supposed to
be, and they start to lose confidence in themselves to get it up without taking boner drugs.
One of the disappointments older men with erection problems can have
with erection drugs is they aren't able to recreate the rock-hard erections
74 • On the Penis
But for 20 year olds without erection probmen had when they were young.
,
e the difficult job of raising the
lems drugs like Viagraand Cialisdon t hav.
ct.
'
te a porn-likeere IOn.
dead. Sothe drug is more able to crea b lik baseball bats. Normal is not
Nature didn't create erections to e e
d
ction pills
Porn perfect. And no matter wheat your ag , if you don't nee ere ho don't ,
d n't take them. The latest research 1S
i sOl
h wing that when men w
need
t a
a erection drugs start using them, th ey can end up giving themse ves
needless dependency onthe pills,when the money would be better rech on
flowers and romance. Thefollowing personal account from a reader e oes
this very concern:
'.
h
"I was dealing with a pretty complicated personal life, along WIt
stress and mild depression. So my erections weren't as consistent
as I would have liked.My doc prescribed Viagra, at my request. I
was able to take it and get a good effect from very small doses,
which means it wasprobably just working as a mental crutch.
LaterI found myselfwith an interesting feeling of psychological
dependence on theViagra pills.They made me lazy. I didn't have to
worryabout relaxing,clearing my head, being present, the pills did
allthe work.Plus,Iwould psych myself into problems, by worrying
about not taking the Viagra, then worry myself into having problems,and then feelingshitty if I had problems and hadn't taken it.
It was a veryinteresting dog-chasing-its tail syndrome.
Sowhen they describefolks as addicted to Viagra, I get it. Even for
young men, it can serve as a psychological crutclh, taking off a lot
of the very signiJicantpressure Wefeel to get hard at a moment's
notice. Evennow, after not taking them for months, if I have the
slightest tWinge oflow response, I can start to panic, and this can
create a cascade effectWhere I keep thinking about how that little
pill would solveeverything..."
In caseyou are concerned about your erections not being perfect, take
solace in knowing that after receiving 5,000 sex surveys from women over
theget
past
years,it's difficultto remember complaints about a lover's ability
to
anten
erection.
Alsokeep in mind that as soon as a guy thinks more about what he can
do for a woman With his penis than what he can do for her With his fingers,
On the Penis- 75
lips and imagination, then you can pretty well assume his lover will be finding herself increasingly bored with what happens in bed. When it comes to
good sex,a perfect penis is the most expendable part.
Penis Perceptions Driven By Porn
Dr.Stephanie Buehler, a therapist with years ofexperience, reported the
following to the author of The Guide about the increasing number of normal
young men who are scheduling appointments with her because:
"Theybelieve they should be studs who are able to perform any time,
anywhere, with anyone at a moment's notice."
These normal young men think there is something wrong with them
because they can't perform like the guys in porn. This is particularly sad
because one of the things women want most in a potential partner is a good
personality. However, men in porn aren't defined by their personalities. All
that counts is their penises, which better be erect and better be able to come
on command. Porn is also helping drive unreal expectations in some women
about the sexual abilities of men!
Dear Paul,
My boyfriend always wakes up in the
morning with an erection. But when we start
havinq intercourse, it goes down. He doesn't
have this problem any other time. What's up?
Gretta in Marietta
Dear Gretta,
Contrary to how it seems,the kind of erection your boyfriend has when
he first wakes up is little more than a limp penis trapped inside of a raging
hard-on. It happens because he wakes up while in the middle of a dream.
Men usually have three or four erections during a normal night of sleep.
These erections are caused by the changes in the body that happen during
REMor dream sleep. They are triggered by a different part of the brain than
normal erections. So rather than being caused by a dream about sex, sleep
erections are automatic. Men get them whether they're dreaming about
being chased by wolves, or kissing the love of their life.So your BFis basically
waking up with a leftover sleep erection.
76 • On the Penis
Although his penis looks hard and feels hard, it's not the kind of erection
your guy ge t s w hen h e 's been thinking about you all day. So even If It seems
Ilke your man is ready for action, treat his penis like it's a floppy one that
needs to be aroused. Try kissing or playing with it before jumping
his bone(s).
This will help tum it into a waking-state erection that's sex worthy.
Since his erection was not born from sexual desire, don't assume
that
your boyfriend feels like having sex. He might feel better if he could pee and
brush his teeth. Orhe may be just fine boning the babe of his dreams with a
full bladder and dragon breath. For some guys, waking up next to a lover is
enough to make them feel sexually excited. Others always wake up feeling
horny. Doa searchfor "morning wood" at www.GuideToGettingllOn.com
to see
how men from oursex survey describe morning wood versus the erections they
get when they arefully awake and sexually aroused.
AWet Warning-Ain't
Love Grand!
Everyonce in a while a girlfriend will ask a guy if she can stand behind
him and hold his penis while he pees. This is a completely normal request
born of completely normal curiosity. But be forewarned that you are sometimes giggling so hard that the entire bathroom becomes a target. On the
other hand, women sometimes do a better job of aiming the thin th
men. As for penile calligr h kll
g an we
.
ap y SIS, one female friend of this Guide loves
g
gtabbbrn her husband's penis and writing their names in the snow with its
am er stream.
Flr.t Ejaculation
Beforepuberty a youn dud
off,but his orgasm; will m: tl bec:n stroke his peeker until it almost falls
sUghtlyviscous fluid which i: P~Ob:b? er:~ept for a few drops of clear, slick,
Puberty kicks the prostate gland
y p urn. This changes during puberty,
, seminal vesicle
d
.
making mode. This creates a re I . ulat:
s an testicles into semena eJac ation which'
hi
The process of going from f
IS W te and thick.
k
a ew drops to a full
you now what to expect d k'
wad can be Wonderful if
an now It'S
hasn't been told about ejaculation and h normal. It can be disturbing if a guy
entering pUberty. Here's how a lot of b e masturbates for the first time after
tion before porn was so easy for pretee~YsStUSedto react to their first ejaculao access:
On the Penis- 77
"I didn't really know what I was doing. I was eleven and discovered
this new feeling when Irubbed this silky part of my blanket over my
penis, so I kept doing it. Eventually, I got this intense feeling in my
groin and then there was this goop everywhere. I was completely
freaked and grossed out. I thought that I broke myself, but was too
afraid to tell my parents."
male
alJe 34
"I was sure anything that felt THAT good had to be sinful and that
my ejaculate was evidence that I was damaging my insides. Each
time I'd masturbate (almost daily) I would feel horrible guilt afterward and swear to God that I would never do it again." male alJe 44
"I had heard about masturbation while sitting in the back of the
school bus. When I tried it just the way the kids told me, it was
almost like pain. For weeks I would stop short of actual orgasm for
fear that I would do some sort of internal damage to myself. Finally,
one day I kept rubbing through my fear and found that I enjoyed
the hurting tremendously."
male alJe
Now, most boys have watched
35
porn before puberty
and they know
it's normal for men to produce a wad of semen. Instead of feeling fear that
they've broken something by playing with themselves,
they can feel relief
and hopefully pride that their body has reached a manly milestone.
The Couch-Potato Penis
As things get older, they start to petrify or harden. This is true for logs,
fossils and the human brain. Unfortunately, it is not true for the human penis.
As a penis approaches its fifth decade, it tends to petrify less fully than it did
earlier in life. It also squirts less fluid during ejaculation. Some women will
cling to this information
like a ray of hope, while others will be disappointed.
Whatever your situation, it shouldn't
make much difference. As the bearer
of the penis gets older, he becomes wiser in the ways of love. By then, he can
compensate
with wit and wisdom for what he loses in hardness and volume.
Older men don't always make an effort to stay in good shape. It's being
out of shape, rather than increasing age, that often causes the couch-potato
penis and decline in libido. However, age alone is responsible for changes in
ejaculation,
with the middle-aged
man sometimes feeling nostalgic for his
teenage genitals, which could sometimes propel ejaculate two feet or more.
b
78 • On tht Ptnls
Bebop & Squirt-
Men & Multiples
Most males experience orgasm as an overlapping two-part processsensation and ejaculation.Someguys have learned to separate the two events,
experiencing a series of orgasmic sensations before they finally ejaculate.
Accordingto Dr.Marian Dunn, who interviewed a number of men with this
ability,the one commonthread was that their partner remained in a state of
high sexual excitement after the man's firstfeeling of orgasm. This seemed
to providean essentialpath offeedback that the man could feel in his penis
as It remained insideher vagina.
Someof the menhad smallejaculationswith each orgasm, while others
didn't ejaculate untilthe end. Someof these men had been able to do this all
of their lives;othershad learned it recently.The men who had always been
ble to do it assumedthat all men could and were surprised when a sexual
partner pointed outthe difference.
Thisshould notbe confused with delayedejaculation, a situation where
the man wants tohave an orgasmbut is unable to (see Chapter 54).
Hormone Advisory: The Impact of Testosterone
know~~~~~~f
~en's testosterone is producedby the testicles. What do we
e mpact of testosterone IT)0
'b
.
a m Iewith hi h t
.
n men s ehavior? It seems that
g er estosterone ISmore likel t b
I am than a man with I
I
Y 0 e on the football or rugby
ower evels of testoste
H'
aggressIVe,want to show off
rone. e s more likely to be
more to women
tt
plob blywant tohavesex more ft h
,wan 0 pump iron, and he'll
o ent anaguy ith l
MenWithhighI I f
WI
ower testosterone.
eve so testosterone are al
nd theyare morelikelyto be
I
so more likely to be in prison
unemp eyed.
Men WIthloweror more moderate 1
moreagreeableandless reactivethan m evels of testosterone tend to be
la!Ora diplomatwhose effectiveness en WIthhigh testosterone. So a gen~dn ImpulsIVityIsmore likelyto hav:;~nds on consensus building rather
Is "rwho lovesthe rush ofbattle AI
ower level of testosterone than a
molelikelyto havea higher leve;of~ngttheselines, a prosecuting attorney
Amale wi
es osterone than
I Iy
th lower testosteron .
a patent attorney
,e toperform
e ISmore like! t b .
.
ky and 0 he eXlremeskateboardtricks and I'SIY 0 ,e mtroverted, is less
l stupid tho
rw se
ess 1Ikelyt d
lOSeroneleveland
mgs. However there'
0 0 dangerous,
Courageorbravery.Soth~tel:
n~ association With tesrrns he s got balls" or "growa
On the Penis- 79
pair" really aren't accurate. Nor does having low testosterone have anything
to do with cowardly behavior or with being a sissy.
More important than the absolute levels of hormones is how a man
has been socialized to behave. There are also situations when our hormones
increase as a response to the sexual feelings we are having, rather than it
being the hormones that are causing the feelings.
Men and Estrogen
Contrary to what you might think, testosterone in men is also converted into estrogen. The estrogen is very important for how a man feels.
So if a healthy twenty-year-old male were to suddenly lose his testicles and
not produce testosterone, he would suffer negative effects from having no
estrogen in addition to having no testosterone. He'd essentially go through
menopause. He would have hot flashes and his bones would become brittle.
These are things that estrogen protects men from experiencing-r-in addition
to feeling depressed and having little sex drive which would result from his
having so little testosterone.
The Great Testosterone
Sham
Drug companies are making millions of dollars selling testosterone to
men who may not need it. They have created ads that make men over the
age of forty think they'll get their twenty-year old selves back by taking testosterone. This is dumb and probably dangerous, but good luck talking sense
to a middle-aged man who is being promised a pharmaceutical miracle.
Guys
&
Horniness
It is sometimes assumed that the average male wants to have sex every
hour of the day as long as the opportunity presents itself. There are plenty of
men for whom this axiom does not apply. It could be the man has a nervous
system that's sensitive enough to be impacted by some of the really disturbing things that happen in the world. Or maybe he is tired and needs a good
night's sleep. Whatever the case, it is sometimes difficult to drop everything
and have sex. There are plenty of times when it's just as nice to cuddie up
close to a sweetheart and enjoy falling asleep in each other's arms.
How often Do Men Think about Sex?
Two of the more common urban myths about sexuality are that men
think about sex every minute or two, and that men think about sex way
more than women do.
80 • On the Penis
Researchershavefound that the college-aged males they studied think
about sex once an hour on average,and the women they studied think about
sex once every two hours. This can vary greatly from person to person and
fromhour to hour.
To help put it into perspective: College students think about sleep and
food as often, if not more often, than they think about sex! Also,not all sexual
thoughts are createdequal. Sexualthoughts can range from a brief and fleeting stirring that lasts a millisecond,to an elaborate sexual fantasy that can
causea tent in yourpants or a floodbetween your legs.Researchers need to
explorewhether there's a differencein the kind of sexual thoughts men and
womenhave,and which types of sexual thoughts we have more of.
Something that can influence a woman's sexual thoughts more than
men'sis ifshe feelsdiscomfort about her sexuality or if she worries that otherswill think badlyof her for being interested in sex. Ifthat's the case, she'll
be less likely to have sexual thoughts, or less likely to admit to others that
shehas sexual thoughts.
Mercy Sex Basics-
Making a Man Come Sooner
Let'ssay you are getting your man offas an act of kindness and aren't
particularlyinto
I but won't be able
. it,or you reallyneed a goodnight's seep
to get one until yourguy's glandshave sneezed.Here are a few su
ti
that might be helpfulin makin a man
gges Ions
which deal with .
.
g
comesooner. The latter suggestions
mcreasing his leveIf'0 mental excitement will lik I b '
.
moreeffecttve,butthey might be more t .
.'
eye
larlyIntoIt.
axmgon you if you are not particuTighten the Foreskin Pullingthe foreskin
pentscancausea man to f I
taut around the base of the
ee more sensation when hi
'.
.
Focuson the Frenulum Th f
.
s perus ISstunulated.
. ,.
e renulurn ISthe
t
p1!n1S It s Just belowthe head of the'
rnos sensitive part of the
up the shaft. Duringoral sex you p~ms,on the side Wherethe seam runs
hand.makesure that your fu
nug t focuson this area. If doing him by
a
ngers run overthi
mountof pressureduring each st k
.s part of the penis With a fair
thepen' d
ro e. Pumpmg t
.
is an becounterproductive.AJso'
00 qUIcklymay numb out
thanmasturbatinghim dry mi h h
' usmga well-lUbricatedhand th
g t elp to sed'
ra er
Adding a Squeezeor Twist T '.
p e up hISejaculation.
yourenbrehand wraps aroundthry gIVInga well-lubricated hand Job h
eperus andtwist
were
s up and down it asthough
On the Penis· 81
it were following the red stripe on a barber's pole. Try a similar twisting
motion with your head during oral sex. Just a slight turn of the neck is all
that's needed, nothing to give you whiplash. At the same time, work the area
between his testicles with one of your hands.
Visuals If the man is turned on by your naked body, crank up the lights
and park the parts he enjoys most in full view. If there's a particular
bra or
panties that gets him going. wear them.
Play with
Yourself
Never hesitate
to play with your nipples or vulva.
Some men will be so turned on by watching you play with yourself that they
will begin to masturbate
and finish themselves off with their own hand.
Pleasure Toggles Some men have a spot along the part of the penis that
is buried beneath their testicles or all the way back to the rim of their anus
which deepens the degree of sensation when pressed upon. Knowing your
man's sexual anatomy and keeping a finger on this spot may help move up
launch time. Women who give superb blow jobs often work these areas with
one hand while tending to the end of the penis with their tongue and lips.
Nipples
Some guys' nipples are quite sensitive; others aren't. If your
man's are, tweaking them with your fingertips or caressing them with your
lips and tongue can speed up arrival time.
On or Up His Rear It doesn't matter if it's your bum or his, the human
anus is probably the second-most
sensitive part of the body. A wet finger on
it, swirling around it, or pushed into it can speed some men up considerably.
Extras
If he gets turned on by you talking dirty to him, do it if you are
in the mood. If he likes porn, put his laptop or iPad where he can see it. If you
are having intercourse, try slowing down the thrusting rather than speeding
up, or change his pace. If he is thrusting
shallow, have him thrust deep. If you
usually do it in the bedroom, switch to the kitchen or living room if you can.
A change in routine can help increase the level of excitement
and speed of
launch time.
If His Weenie Goes Pop
A penis should never make a cracking sound or go "POP."Although rare,
the pop might be from a fracture of the penis, which has nothing to do with
what most of us consider a fracture to be. Unlike an arm or a leg, there is no
bone in the penis to break. A "fracture" of the penis can only happen when a
b
82 • On the Penis
.'
ct nd when one of the chambersor cylinders in the penis tears.
perus ISere ,a
. ..
Thinkof what happens if you put a knifethrough a balloon or Jab It Into the
side of a can ofsoda.While a knife is not involved in a penis fracture, that's
what happens when the side of one of the erectile chambers tears. The way
they fix a penis fracture is bysewing up thetear in the side of the chamber.
A penis fracture can also be related to a snapping of the ligament in
the penisthat actslike the suspension cableson the Golden Gate Bridge. If it
breaks,internal bleeding might permanentlydamage the penis.
Afractured penis will often make a cracking sound, followed by rapid
loss of erection,pain, swelling,and hemorrhage. The outcome is excellent
if lhe penis is surgicallyrepairedwithin a couple of hours. If you wait longer,the damage could be permanent, including a penis that's shaped like a
deflatedcircusballoon,or an Allenwrench.
Warning Theintercourse position that can cause the most potential
damage to the penis is when the woman is on top. Be sure the vagina is
plentywet andunderstand that bad things can happen if the penis pulls out
loa far and then gets sat on it when the head is not inside the vaginal opening (oranus, if that's your sport).Any kind of genital pain that lasts more
~hanten minutesneeds to be tended to by a physician. Serious long-term
amagecan oftenbe avertedif youget medicalhelp right away.
Two Strange Causes of Penis Fractures
Whilefracturesof the penis only seemto ha
.
fortunately qUiterare B t .
ppen durmg sex, they are
. u in a recent stUdy f ixt
lured their penis half w hav:
a seen men who had frac,
ere avmg extra
. I
OCcurred,andnoneofth fr
manta affairs when the injury
of the
e actureswere caused by an an
.
men werehaving sexwith th .
gry wife. Only three
err own spo
.
.
As a result,the sexwas oft
h
use m their own bedroom.
h
en rus ed aggre .
appen in unusualplaces like c
'J
ssrvs, aWkward,and it tended to
h
ars, e evators ffi
were the menwere unable to rote
. ,0 ces and public rest rooms,
wardthrust oftheir partner.
p ct their penis from the sudden downAnothercauseof
.
mastu b
pemle fracture can be
.
r alion.Thereis an area in Iran h a senously aggressive form of
praellced and lt
Were this k' d
oneWill
I results in severalfractur d
. in of penis bravado is
makea YOUTub .
e pemses each
otherculturest
. e Videoof it. It Wouldbe
year. Hopefully, no
a start Imitating!
an awful thing for men in
On the penis- 83
Dear Paul,
Why are guys always touching and grabbing
at their genitals?"
Evafrom Evanston
Dear Eva,
When the skin on the balls sticks to the
thighs, or the skin on the penis sticks to the
skin on the balls, you get a claustrophobic
feeling. It's like if you had to keep your arms
pressed against your sides all the time. Try
it for just five minutes without lifting them.
When this happens with a guy's penis and
scrotum, he's gotta dig to lift and separate or it starts to feel like he's going to
go nuts. Body powder can sometimes heip. Underwear that doesn't fit right
can make matters worse.
Dear Paul,
When guys are peeing, why can't they aim it right? Would it kill them to
get all of it in the bowl?
Nancy in Niagara Falls
Dear Nancy,
The problem is not with the aim, but with the unpredictable nature of
the stream. It breaks up about as often as the signal on a cellphone.
Sometimes a rebel tributary appears and shoots off to the side, sometimes a healthy stream will suddenly turn into a spray, and sometimes it
goes exactly where you aim it, but the toilet water splashes up and makes a
mess on the rim.
This is no reason why a guy shouldn't grab a wad of toilet paper and
clean up after himself (bowl,floor, walls, shoes, ceiling). This is something
that parents should teach their sons. Also,I don't know if you are aware of
the first law of fluid dynamics, but a man never pees on his pants leg unless
it is one minute before an important meeting, first date, or job interview.
I'm told that women can be wickedly messy when they pee, especially
in public rest rooms. But that's a different story for a different chapter.
84 • On the Penis
Dear Paul.
b d' penis is a lot darker than the skin
The skin on the shaft of my hus an s
Amber from Brownsville
on the rest of his body.Is this normall
DearAmber,
h i kin tone as they do in
It's erfectly normal. Penises vary as muc In s
.
P
"
might be darker than his normal skin color,
sizeand shape. Onemans perus
.
might even have freckles or blotches.
another's might be hghter,
and a thOd
ir
Youcan't predict the tone ofthe bone until the pants are down.
DearPaul,
When my husband's penis is erect, it almost points down instead of up.
Isthis normal?
Diane in Bend
DearDiane,
Penises often point up, at approximately a 30-degree angle from the
stomach,assuming the guy doesn't have a big beer belly.But plenty of erect
penises stick straight out, and others point down. You might try an intercourse position where you are on top but facing his feet. From this posilion,his funky roostermay be able to tickleparts of you that a man with an
"uppte" would miss.Most important is that you and he experiment with posilions that feel goodfor both ofyou.
/)far Paul,
My penis hasa curve in it,butit only shows when I'm hard. Did I cause the
way 1 masturbate?
Curly in Canton
DearCurly,
CUrve by the
it's perfectlynormal for guys to have a curve in their penis which only
shows up Whenthey have
.
an erection Contrary to the urban myth that
curvesare causedby the way me
boy areborn-When they are stllnfmtasturbate, most curves happen before
1 e uses In their moth'
penisesare stillforming.
er sworn b s and their
Ina very smallminority of men the c
is not possible.But formost rn
urve can be so extreme that interen Withcurves, this is not a problem. A
COUrse
On the
penis-
85
curve can be a strength if there are special spots in a lover's vagina that can
benefit from the focused attention that a curve can offer.
Dear Paul,
When it comes to pleasing guys, why are they sofocused on their penises?
There's so much of the body that feels good when it's kissed and touched, yet
they seem to want everything tofocus on the penis.
Flabbergasted in Frankfurt
Dear Flabby,
Letme start by asking you a few questions. Let'ssay you've just cooked
your lover a romantic, candlelit dinner. You've gone to the gym, feel really
good about your body, and you are wearing a killer dress with your sexiest
lingerie underneath. Youwant him to want you more than he wants his car,
a new phone or Monday Night Football.
But when the lights finally go down, much to your surprise, there's no
party in his pants. No matter what you try, he's not able to have an erection.
So tell me, what's going through your mind? Are you thinking that he's not
interested? Are you worried that he doesn't find you attractive? Let's say you
call it a wash and go for it another time. If he still has no erection, are you
thinking maybe he's a wimp? Gay? Ifyou are married, do you start to wonder
if he's having an affair?
The truth is,you are probably just as focused on his penis as he is, as the
ultimate indicator that you are attractive and that he is excited about you.
So once a penis gets hard, a guy figures he'd better start doing something
with it ASAP.If the thing suddenly goes down, especially if it deflates while
your legs are wrapped tight around his waist and you've just cried out, "Fuck
me harder," heaven help the poor boy.He'll be a big disappointment to you
and an even bigger disappointment to himself.
Also,whether it's due to our biology or simply the things we teach ourselves about sex, a man sometimes feels a strong need to ejaculate once he
becomes aroused. This need is much more pronounced in the teens or twenties than later in life. It makes us focus on having to do something with the
penis rather than being ableto enjoy what's going on around us.
J.
_
86 . On the Penis
In Praise of Geeks!
What better way to end a chapter likethis than with the following sentiment from a female reader:
"1don't know about other women, but I have discovered that the
geek crowdwhich doesn't often get laid in high school has a great
deal of time to contemplate what they'd do if they ever got their
hands on a woman. They are far better lovers because they've
taken the time to contemplate something other than scoring. As
a friend ofmine used to say,'Nine-tenths of sex happens in your
mind: the rest is all in your head.' Geeksthink, while jocks avoid
it at all costsbecause in high school,thinking is not cool. Besides,
geeks knowhow to be passionate rather than just stoked. Give me
a geek anytime."
SpecialThanks to RichardWassersug, University of British Columbia Terri
Fisher,The OhioState Universityat Mansfield M'
D
'
, anan unn SUNY Downstate MedicalCenter,Dr.Stephanie Buehl N
'..
o 0 '
er, ewport Beach, Califorrua and
r avid Ley,Albuquerque,NewMexico.
'
CHAPTER
6
Semen Confidential
woman
A
from Utah asked, "Why does male ejaculate
smell
vaguely of cleaning products?" It's funny how one question
can lead to an entire
chapter-about
semen, not clean-
ing products. In addition to the bleach-like smell, this chapter looks at
semen stains, semen allergies, upset stomachs after swallowing semen,
why semen gets clumpy in water and sticks to hair on the shower drain
cover, and it answers the mother of all semen questions: "Why does my
boyfriend's jizz burn when it gets in my eyes?"
Lock and Load
Semen doesn't pour out of a penis fully homogenized
like milk
from a carton, even if a guy has been bouncing on a trampoline.
first squirt has secretions from the Cowper (bulbourethral)
glands. The prostate gland manufactures
The
and Littre
the next wave of man chow-
der, which is 15%to 30% of the total volume of each ejaculation. This is
followed by the relatively small but potent contribution
of sperm from
the testicles. The seminal vesicles hold up the rear of each ejaculation
with a blast that produces 65% to 80% of the entire wad. The total volume of an average ejaculation is between a half and a full teaspoon.
Why Semen Smells Like CIorox
When Ms. utah
asked why male ejaculate
smells "vaguely of
cleaning products,' we assume she is referring to a bleach-like smell,
unless the semen of men in Utah smells like Windex, 409, or Janitor in
a Drum.
The lion's share of semen comes from two sources: the seminal vesicles and the prostate gland. The testicles make less than 5% of semen.
Sowhich of these sources cause semen to have a bleach-like smell?
Urologists know that when you cut open a testicle, there is no odor.
So we can rule out testicles and the sperm they produce as being the
sourceof the bleach-likesmell. The seminal vesicles aren't thalJeCuldPrit,
muneitheer
.
That leavesthe prostate gland, whic. h pro duces a chermcaJ c e spe . .
This is what gives semen its charactens. tiICcIeaning-product smell. Spermine
.
is a member of the polyamine family of chemicals. (Semen also smells Wee
fresh bean sprouts, which makes perfectly good sense because bean sprouts
contain the chemicalspermine.)
.
Changesin the pH of semen and variations in how the body buffers It
explain why some men's ejaculate smells more bleachy than others, or why
one guy's semen might smell more llke Cloroxone day and less so the next.
That'sbecausepH impacts how spermine behaves.
Forscience and history buffs, spermine phosphate crystals were first
found in semen in 1678by Anton von Leeuwenhoek, father of the modem
microscopeand the first microbiologist. Semen was one of the first things
Leeuwenhoeklookedat under his new microscope. Two hundred years later,
German chemists gavespermine its name, although women have known
about the cleaning-productsmell of semen sincethe time of Aristotle.
Asa man is about to elacutats, the components that make up semen
collect in the part of the urethra that runs through the prostate gland. To
create an ejaCUlation,the muscle fibers surrounding this part of the urethra
squeeze it likeyou might the bulb of a turkey baster. At some point during
this process,the phosphate in the spermine-phosphate molecules gets pried
off Thisallows the free base of spermine to be released which creates the
bleach-likesmell. Semenstops smelling like bleach after it's been in the alr
forodorlesscompound.
a WhIlebecausethe free bases in Spermine start linking together to form
an
When a Penis Spits in Your Eye
w
wh Afte years ago,a reader asked Why her boyfriend's ejaculate bums
en I gets 10 her eye. We had given u
.
Ing a curt and nasty r
fr
p on everknOWIng Why after receivesponse Oman optom t
f
verslty.He apparently th ht
. .
e ry pro essor at a leading unioug our InquIry W fr
nSWerhas finallyemerged and ·t
.
as om trolls. Fortunately, an
1 , too,pomts to Spermine
Whilethe concentration of spermine in se
., .
When you order it from h .
men isn t nearly as high as
a c emlcal SUPplyh
harsh Warnings.The material saf ty d
ouse, pure spermine carries
e
ata
sheet
for commercIally
.
sptrmlne says:
produced
Danger! Corrosive.Causes eye and skin burns. May cause severe
respiratory-tract irritation with possible burns. May cause severe
digestive-tract irritation with possible burns. May cause centralnervous-system effects. May cause cardiac disturbances. Causes
eye burns. May cause chemical conjunctivitis and corneal damage. Causes skin burns.
While there might be other chemicals in semen that cause your eyes
to burn, the number one culprit is spermine. Also,semen can be a bit alkaline,
which could possibly cause eyeball irritation.
Why an upset Stomach?
Some women report getting a stomach ache after swallowing their lover's splooge. This is usually blamed on the prostaglandins that are in semen,
which might make it similar to the kind of stomach upset that some people
get after taking aspirin. However, after reading spermine's material safety
data sheet, you can't help but wonder if spermine is also involved.
What Makes Boy Batter Taste Like
It
Does
A thorough explanation of why male ejaculate tastes the way it does
is beyond the scope of this book. However, in looking at the chemicals in
semen, the amount of citrate ions stick out as possible culprits. These ions
help semen to be a strong buffering agent; they also make for a lot of calcium
citrate, which tastes both salty and sour.
Semen has a number of other ions, namely magnesium, potassium,
sodium, and zinc. As for how zinc tastes, there's a fairly well-known taste
test that's used to determine if people have low levels of zinc. Youare given
a solution of zinc to drink, and if you can't taste anything, it's because your
body has a zinc deficiency. However, if you've got an acceptable level of zinc,
the zinc solution tastes "strong and unpleasant." This means that semen may
taste better to people who have a zinc deficiency, although it's probably not
wise to phone your healthcare provider and say,"My boyfriend's cum tastes
really yummy to me. Does this mean I'm zinc-deficient?"Let's just say there's
a fair amount of zinc in spunk, and zinc doesn't taste very good unless you
have a zinc deficiency or the semen is low in zinc. Ditto for magnesium. And
we all know what sodium tastes like.
On the bright side,semen does contain fructose and glucose. However;,
In their "Reviewof the Physical and Chemical Properties of Human Semen,
Owen and Katzdiscoveredthat the amount of fructose and glucose can vary
as much as four-foldfromman to man.
Semenis home to lowconcentrations of other polyamines by the names
of putrescine and cadaverine.These compounds are essential for cells to live.
They also announce themselves when cells die. Both putrescine and cadaverine are well-named and are responsible for the rotting flesh smell after
things die.Thisfamiliar smell is an important indicator of spoilage in food.
Mostcheesesthat arereally smeily and sharp-tasting are high in putrescine, but so is fermented soy sauce, shrimp, and certain citrus fruits. Putrescine and cadaverine are what bring us the fishy smell when women have
bacterial Infectionsin their vaginas. One reason why semen doesn't ordinarIly smell fishyis because it has a very low concentration of cellular matter,
so there are fewerdyingcellsto produce a fishy odor.
When Semen Smells Bad Rather than Just Bleachy
Afterbeing with a couple of men, most women have a baseline sense
of what semen usually smells like. However, semen can occasionally have a
pungent odor that Ourandrology-urology consultant says can be the result
of a hidden prostate infection.He's referring to a combined bleach-like and
y
:Sh odor.Thefishy part comes from the polyamines that are released from
tShwhite blood cellsthat end up in the semen as a result of the infectleocnaylnln
e prostate.
Semennormallycontains some white blood cells but t
When a manhas a prostate' f t.
'
a a very low level.
in ec ion, the white bloodcell
t. .
Increases,which results'
coun in hIS semen
m more of the smelly pol
.
.
being liberated:
yammes like putrescine
'Since Ido a lot of semen analysis in m
that has lots of white bl d
YOffice,I can tell the semen
00 cells When we
h
has a really strong bad d
Open t e container. It
,
a or-to the paint th t
tant Is able to SUSpectth t
a my research assisa men have an inf cti
.
oct
Orofsemen When
e Ion Just from the
we are preparing I'd
M
s I es to be examined"
en Whohave prostatitis might notic
'.
.
semen. SUspicionsalso risewh
e yellOWIsh,Jellylike globs in their
en semen has a h
I'
oney- Ike SWeetsmell. This
can be the result of a staph infection. Healthy man-jam tends to be mostly
white and has the smell of clean, fresh bleach.
Out, Damn Spot
Ever notice that some boys' semen stains are worse than others? Semen
contains a lot of protein, much of which is albumin. This is the same kind
of protein that is in egg whites, although we don't recommend making
omelettes with semen.
As protein dries it changes optical qualities and color. The yellowish
staining quality of semen is related to the concentration of protein in it. The
concentration of sperm can also have an impact. The higher the sperm count,
the more opaque or yellowish semen will be. These factors determine why
one guy's semen may have a greater tendency to leave yellowish stains in
underwear, sheets and socks he might have used for clean up when jerking
off than another guy's semen.
How Thick Is Splooge?
Viscosity is a measure of how fast or slow a liquid flows from a container. The viscosity of male ejaculate fresh from the penis can vary from
1.3cP to 23.3cP at room temperature. For reference, the viscosity of water is
around 1.0 cP,Given such a range, this means some men's wads are almost as
thin as water while others nearly need a grease gun to squirt it out. (Some
women cite the texture of semen as being the reason they don't like to swallow when giving blow jobs.)
The viscosity of semen starts to change as soon as it is ejaculated.
That's because during ejaculation, a protein made by the prostate gland
called prostate-specific antigen (PSA) mixes with the rest of the semen,
This starts a reaction that makes semen become more watery so sperm can
swim in it. Due to the liquefying power of PSA,semen becomes almost like
water within 5to 30 minutes. If you doubt this, have a guy ejaculate in a glass
and watch it for the next 30 minutes. This liquefaction happens even faster
when semen is in the vagina. It's why semen drips out of a woman's vagina
when she stands up after intercourse.
Volume and Why You'll Probably Never shoot Like a Pom Star
Semen researchers masturbate a lot. This is why so many studies have
been done on the volume of human ejaculation.
· how the averagevolume, of a' wad is between 2·3,mJ
Thesestudiess
, and
a
teaspoon is a pubic hair shy of 5·0 ml. So It s safe
499 m!.Forreference,
to saythat the averageman shoots between half a .teaspoon and a fuJI tea.
spooneach limehe ejaculates.(Theaverage bull weighs between 1,000 and
2,000lbs,He ejaculatesbetween 4 mI and 8 ml, or not much more than the
averagehuman male.)
Semen Allergies
Asemenallergyiscausedby an allergic reaction to a particular protein
insementhat's made by the prostate gland. The onset can vary. A woman
couldhave beenjust fine with a partner's semen for a couple of years, and
thensuddenlystart having an allergic reaction to it for no good reason. Or
shemayhave had a semen allergyfrom her very first contact with semen,
Symptomscanincludepain, redness,burning, swelling, and itching,
Semenallergyis very uncommon. Upto 40,000 women in the United
Statesare thoughtto have it. Oneway to decide if the problems are due to
semenorchronicvaginitisis touse a condom during intercou rse. (It's best to
usea polyurethanecondom,givenhow the symptoms might also be from a
latexallergy)Ifthe
t
'
,
'
symp oms stopwhen you are using a condom but begm
agamwhen youdon'tuse
d .,.
a con om,It s trme to consider a semen allergy.
, Asidefrom a completegynecologic exam, a woman will need to get
Intradermaltesting to see if h h
smallamount ofsemen' ,I .seas an allergy to semen. This is where a
Syf Ch
ISInjectedunder the skin. If this were done on the
y annel, an alienchild w Id
inreallife it si I
au start incubating at the injection site, But
,I simpy determinesifth '
Fortunatelyth'
ere s an allergic reaction.
, ereISa desen"t' ti
is safeand effect' v
si ua IOntreatment for semen allergy that
we. rou need to d it
'
OrimmunologistIt .
0 I under the supervision
of an allergist
, IScalled a" d
of semenare pIacd .
gra ed challenge" Where diluted solutions
e In the vagina
ISableto tolerate und'l
every twenty minutes until the woman
h '
I uted semen Th "d
'"
avemtercourseat Ie t t
. e ownslde is that the couple has to
,
as wototh ti
maintainthe desensili2ation. ree Imes a week from that day forward to
Anotherthin b
tion t
g a out semenaller .
a the semenofju t
gy ISa woman doesn't get a bad reactrealm t.
s onegUY.lfsh d'd
.
en oPlion,although
e I, SWitChing partners would be a
not always
a practical one. If she gets a semen
allergy, it's to all semen from all men. Also, once she develops a semen allergy,
it's not just to semen in her vagina. The burning and itching can occur any
place where semen touches her skin, including in her mouth or up her bum.
As with food allergies, a semen allergy might go away as fast as it arrived.
Why Semen Gets Clumpy in the Shower or Bath
You may have noticed that
semen gets clumpy, stringy and sticky
when it's in water-like when a guy masturbates in the bath and the semen
clumps up and sticks to his skin and body hair, or when he masturbates in
the shower and the semen sticks to any hair that's collected on the drain
cover.
When semen first comes out of the penis, it's hydrophobic which means
it hates water. Even though it's a liquid, when fresh semen makes contact
with water, it will form clumps, like the bubbles in Lava lamps. These clumps
are semen's way of protecting as much of itself as possible from water. You
can see this occur if a guy will ej aculate into a glass of water. His friends will
be amazed.
These sticky semen clumps will stick to your skin or shower floor or the
hair that's on the shower drain. This is why if a man has roommates and
shares a shower, it's only right for him to clean up the shower drain after he's
masturbated and his clumpy semen has collected there. (Dorm shower drain
covers-YUCK!)
Semen will only clump up if it makes contact with water as a guy is in
the process of ejaculating. Otherwise, semen will liquefy or get watery in ten
to fifteen minutes. This is why you should tie off the end of a condom, to
keep the liquefying semen from dripping out.
Spying on Sperm
It can be very cool to look at your own or your partner's semen under a
microscope. What you thought was a gob of sticky goo is actually a metropolis of biological activity. It's like looking down at New York during rush hour,
only with sperm instead of Taxi cabs. Here's how you do it:
Materials: You'll need access to a microscope that has
lOOX
and 400X
magnifications, a microscope slide and coverslips, and a human male with a
hard-on. Make sure the microscope has a good light and that you can focus
on the edge of a coverslip that's on a glass slide.
Producingthe Sample: Thisis the funnest part! If you don't know how
to producesemen,there are chapters in this book that can help. If you need
lube,onlyuse saliva,Most commerciallubricants do evil to sperm.
Timing: You'llwant to have the semen under the microscope within
60to go minutes after it is produced,
TheContainer:Asyou might recall fromthe start of this chapter, semen
doesn't squirt out pre-mixed, Soyou'll need to collect the entire ejaculation
in the same container. If you don't, you might not be collecting the squirts
that have sperm.Besure to use a container large enough to fit the head of
the penis into while it splooges,Do not collect the specimen in a condom
unless it's a condommade from polyurethane and has no lube inside. The
materialsin mostcondoms are not sperm friendly,
The Semen:While it tends to come out thick, your semen will liquefy
within 15to 20 minutes-so muchthat it willbecome almost as thin as water,
Afterit has liquefied,give it a closelook with your naked eyes. According to
ourspermconsultant:
"Ifit is clear(transparent),the sperm count is probably low If it is
cloudy but you can see through it (translucent) it is a medium
sperm count.If it is creamy white or yellOwiSh' d
see th
h lt ' ,
an you cannot
roug 1, It ISprobablya fairly high sperm count This is not
a measure of fertility just s
th: ,
'
takesone spermf
't ,orne mg mteresting. Besides, it only
or pa ermly and the numbe f
many things including h ott
r a sperm depends on
,
ow a en you ejaculat If
'
hottubs orhotbaths h
"
e, 1 you ve been in
,w at medlcatlOnsyou are taking t "
rher
.e c.
emper.ture: Keepyour specimen b
roomtemperature,Any colde h
etween body temperature and
If '
r or otter and spe
t
youre takingthe semen from 0'
rm s art dropping like flies,
andsafe.
y ur dormto the biology lab, keep it warm
SlidePrep:LightlysWirlthe semen in
'
ortwoon the slideand th
the contamer to mix it Put dr
'
en placea coverslip'
.rut a op
LookS
over It
- ee:Putthe slideonthe '
'
the lOXobjective(at hopefull a 1micrOScope'splatform and observe it with
to be verysmalland d'ffi Y oox magOlfication) Th
objectivebut do '
1 cultto see.Onceyou s
'e sperm are going
,
n t make anysignificantchan py sperm, change to the 40X
ges In focus or you risk breaking
b
. th focus, go back to
th lide withthe lens. If you need to makechanges in e
es
. th tway
the lOX a bjective and doIt a.
has more th an 300 constituents,
Other Gunk in Your J unk:. Semen 11 dead parts of 01d spe rm • and
. ature sperm
s,
including proteins,fats, imm
th ceoptimal
conditions you are probG'
the less- an
rm
occasionallybloodcells. iven
..
if 5 % or more of your spe
0
.
ldn't be surpnsmg
nJ
ably working under, It wou
h the microscope. Also. 0 y
. b f you lookthroug
t
were dead as doornails e ore.
with flowing tails. the rest are no
about 15% ofsperm are the beautiful type
likeyou see inthe textbooks.
Dear When
Paul, I have an erection, it starts dripping ilke
., I ve come b eJ'
iiore I actually
.
.I
come. Is something wrong With my pems.
Marty from Manitoba
nlik
DearMarty,
It soundslike precum, which is one of nature's finer sex lubes. U
e
your regular ejaculate, precum ISclear an oozes au g a
.
d
t r dually instead of
shooting acrassyour chest. It makes the head of your penis slippery and
more disposedto slide kindlyinto the vagina of the love of your life. It may
also help makethe urethra less acidic soyour ejaculate is more likely to get
a girlpregnant.Youcan tell precum from urine by touching it with your fingertip and thenpulling yourfinger away.Precurn will stay connected to your
finger,makinga dear, cool-lookingspindle,like bubble gum when you pulll
part of It out ofyour mouth. Precum can also drip out with a morning erection or when you've got unwanted Wood.Any other fluids of an unknown
originthat dripout of yourpenis,especially if they are a bit green or pus-like,
shOUldbe checkedout byyour healthcare prOVIder.
Asfor the pOPularidea that precum has no sperm in it, that is not true.
Upto40%ofmen'sprecum has low amounts of sperm in it. This could potentiaUyget a womanpregnant, and is Whyyou should not rely on withdrawal
Orcoitusinterruptus for birth Control.Youcan also get HIVfrom an infected
person'sprecum.So make sure a condom goes on early if you are concerned
aboutgetting an STIfrom a male partner.
Bt Sureto seeOurVideo"Pre
fr
gnant am Precurn?" at GUideToGettingltOn.com.
Readers' Comments
What did you think
the first time you saw a guy ejaculate?
"I was a little shocked. I was young, 15, and I don't think I understood
exactly what was going on. It's also when I realized that tissues weren't
just for noses anymore."
female
a[Je 27
"I did it right! Good job! I was proud of me. Then I thought,
I hope my mom doesn't come home early.'''
female
'Geez,
a[Je 22
"I remember being disgusted and oddiy fascinated at the same time, and
I couldn't believe how far that stuff could shoot out!" female 32
"It just kind of oozed out. For some reason I thought there was supposed
to be more of a stream."
female
a[Je 37
"I was jealous he could actually project it from his body and I couldn't."
female
"I was kind a grossed out by the whole thing."
a[Je 23
female a[Je 45
"I was proud that I made him ejaculate, but I couldn't believe that people
actually would let that go in their mouths. I was a senior in high school."
female
a[Je 25
"I wondered what it felt like. I wondered what it tasted like. Also, I wondered what it would feel like to have that happen inside of me."
female
a[Je 25
"I vaguely remember thinking, it's amazing how their bodily process is.
Also,there is what is needed to help form a human being." female a[Je 36
A Very Special Thanks: to Steven "Dr. Sperm" Schrader, Ph.D., Darius A. Paduch,
MD., PhD, Urology & Reproductive Medicine, Weill Cornell Medical College, and
Jennifer Collins, MD,Albert Einstein School of Medicine.
�~====~~-236 • Nipples, Nipples, Nipples
If this did work, your breasts would probably get bigger, so you would
need to buy new bras and blouses. As for the potential of getting stretch
marks, Idon't think it would be any different than with mothers who nurse
infants.
Also,you would needto supplement your intake of calories and calcium
just as a nursing mother does.Otherwise,your body might start robbing your
bones ofthe extra calciumthat yourbreasts need to produce milk. And if your
boyfriend didn't cut caloriesin other ways, he'd probably start to get fat.
Asforthe safety andimpact ofallthis on your body-women
have been
nursing babiessince the beginning of time, but Would nursing an adult partner have the same impacton your body as nursing a baby? I don't know of
any stUdieson this.
CHAPTER
17
Balls, Balls, Balls
B
allsusually take a back seat to the penis. One reason is the pleasure
a man gets from his testicles is more subtie than the pieasure he
gets from his penis. But just because the pleasure is subtie doesn't
mean it should be ignored. Asone reader comments, "When my wife caresses
my testicles, it's one part excitement, two parts relaxation, and sixparts bliss.
I didn't appreciate this when I was twenty, but I enjoy it now as much as oral
sex. Thesensation is different, but satisfying."
A Few Facts about the Testicles
Testiclesare far more rugged than you might think. You can squeeze or
pull them with no problem, and they can bang against a lover's thighs with
impunity. But pop them with a simple flick of a finger and you might have to
peel their owner offthe ceiling.
Testicles should feel a bit like hard-boiled eggs without the shell, but
they won't be that big unless your lover is related to a racehorse.
When a man is highly aroused or is just about to come,his scrotum and
testicles will pull up to hug the shaft of the penis. In some men this is so
extreme you'll wonder where his testicles went.
238 .
Testicles
The Scrotum
The scrotum surrounds the testicles. It's a thin layer of skin that is lined
with muscles. People mistakenly think of the scrotum
as a sack that holds
the testicles in place. They believe if the scrotum were opened
up, the tes-
ticles would fall out. This is not true. The testicles are held in place by the
spermatic cords which suspend them from the lower abdomen.
The spermatic cords contain the cremaster muscles and connective
tis-
sue as well as arteries, veins, nerves and various tubes. You can remove the
entire scrotum and the spermatic cords will still hold the testicles in place.
The scrotum is lined with a layer of smooth muscle which allows it to
pucker up. This helps move the testicles closer to the body when they are too
cold, and farther from it when they are too hot. However, the scrotum
appear to do the major lifting. That's the job of the cremaster
doesn't
muscles, which
lift the testicles close to the body when a man is highly aroused
and ready
to ejaculate. They can alsoreel them in when a man is frightened.
While it's
been assumed that the scrotum and cremaster muscles raise and lower the
testicles to keep them coolerthan the rest of the body, this might be an oversimplification. Debate continues.
The scrotum starts off in the womb as part of the same embryonic tissue as the labia majora or large lips of the female genitals. If the fetus is a boy,
nature creates the scrotum by Zipping up the two lips that would otherwise
become the labia maJ·oraThis i h
.,
. ISISwythe scrotum has a seam running up the
nuddle.lts where the tw I bi fu
.
0 a ia
sed together to make a scrotum. Fused or
not, the skin on the scrotum h th
as d. e same kind of sweat and oil-producing
g Ian d s. h··
a11follicles and n
same as th I bi
.
erve en mgs as the labia majora. It should feel the
e a ia majora wh ·t .
en 1 IScaressed by a lover's fingers or mouth.
What's Inside a Ball?
Technically, the testicles are I
sperm. One is oft bi
g ands that produce testosterone
and
en 19gerthan th th
ticle is a factory S
e 0 er, and one hangs lower. Each tes. perm are produced· th
epididYmis and sent·
In
e tubules, stored and aged in the
'
up Into the abd
trary to what you might thi k
omen through the vas deferens. Conth·
in ,spermdo 't.
.
e penlS. instead they t
n go straight from the testicles into
d
,ravel
up int th
er. That's Wherethey
k
a e pelVis to a place behind the bladrna e the conn ti
.
ec IOnWith a tube that draws them in
Dr
Balls, Balls,Balls. 239
spermatic cord
veins,
arteries,
nerves,
lymph
Ball Plumbing
_
240 • Testicles
through the prostate gland. Fromthere, they eventually shoot out through
the penisduringejaculation.
An Undescended Testicle
Themedicaltermfor undescended testicles is "cryptorchidism," which
is Greekfor "hiddengonad."One way to get hidden gonads is to go surfing
duringthe winter;anotherway is to be born with them.
Contraryto what seems logical. the testicles in the male fetus don't
formbetweenthe legs.Instead, they develop inside the abdomen and do not
descendinto his scrotumuntil a month or two before the baby is born. They
makethe journey fromthe abdomen into the scrotum through the inguinal
canal.
Almost3-5%of malesare born with an undescended testicle. This testicle
often descendson its own Without medical intervention, so that by one year
of age,only1%of males(rout of 100 0050) still have an undescended testicle.
In 90% ofthesecases,it'sjust one ofthe testicles that is undescended.
Ifthe testicle remains undescended after the boy reaches one year of
age, the currentpracticeis to treat it surgically. This is often done as an outpatient operation.Attemptsto coaxthe testicle down with hormone therapy
have unacceptablesideeffects. Any gains are usually short-lived. The problem Witha testicleremainingundescended past the first year of age is that it
tends tobecomeinfertile.
Ifyouare the parentsof a child With an undescended testicle, be sure to
get a secondorthird opint f
'.
.
.
on
a urologistfromTexasT
h rom a"pedIatrICurologist. As Dr.Joseph Dwoskin,
as th ere are phys' . ec ,says, There are as many opinions about testes
sure everythi . lClansWho examine them." It is also important to make
ng ISwelldocumented' th b
b
inValuableshouldth
in e oy'smedical records. This will e
erebeproblems in ten or twenty years.
Late-Breaking News
Physiciansare beginnin t
got that way bee
h g a findthat some guys Who are sterile as aduits
ause t eyWere I .
.
nificant hit betwe th
p aymg sports without a cup and took a SIgen e legs An
Sport shouldwe
. Yman or boy Who is involved in a contact
.
ar a cup.Ditto if he i
.
.
U1most SportsThe
d.ownsldeof w e ISplaymg
catcher in baseball or goalie
.
.
eanng a cup is the discomfort, the upside
Balls, Balls, Balls. 241
is they can make you look really well hung. Fortunately, there are way nicer
cups than most department stores and sporting-goods chain stores carry.
Check out the ShockDoc cups at www.shockdoctor.com and the Spider Flex
cup at www.sawsports.com.
,q
242 . Testicles
A Varicocele
Fifteenpercentofyoung men have a condition in their scrotum called a
varicocele.Thisis whenthe veins that exit a testicle become enlarged. While
most guysneverknowthey have a varicocele, in some cases it can get large
enoughto feellikea smallclumpy sack of worms above one of the testicles.
Howdoesa varicoceleform? Testiclesneed a constant flow of blood from
the restofthe bodyto get oxygen and nutrients, to probably help them stay
cool,andto distributethetestosterone they make to the rest of the body. This
means the bloodthat's leaving the testicles has to drain upward, against the
pull ofgravity,unlessa man is lyingdown. (Varicoceles go away when a guy
lies downbecausethe uphillresistance is gone.)
Theveinsleavingthe testicles contain gates or valves to help keep the
bloodflowingup hill fromthe testicles to the heart and to prevent backflow.
If these valvesdon't function well, the downward pressure can cause the
veins to Widen.That'swhat a varicoceleis.
Morethan 90%ofvaricocelesoccurabove the left testicle. This is because
the bloodthat drains fromthe left testicle encounters more resistance when
it returnsintothe bodyth th bl d i
.
an e 00 m the nght testicle. Varicoceles can be
associatedwith infertlty S hi
.
.
II . 0 w de varlcoceles usually cause no problems,
If youthinkyouhaveone,be sure to have it checked out.
Testicle Pleasure
Ball rending
Ifyouare attemptin t .
start by 1 .
g 0 gIVeyour partner's testicles a satisfying caress,
p acmg your fingertip
hesi
.
lightly. Leth'ISverbalfeedback s .on t e Sides of. his scrotum and caressing
of your hand overhi
. gUIdeyou.Yourmght also try resting the palm
ISpemsWith y fin
.
With lightlymassagi th
our gertlps pointing down. Experiment
ng e back part f th
.
body. Asyourfing
0
e scrotum, where it attaches to his
ers movethe art
Will move as well Th' h'
P of Yourwrist that's resting on his penis
.
ISS ould .
hi
nicely Withthe more s btl
gIVe IS penis pleasure, which might mix
u e sensatiOnsth t
.
t lid
es es,
a your fingertips are providing his
Intercourse
Extra
You canhandle
'
s h
a mans testicles d . .
uc as the reverse cowg'1
urmg Intercourse from some positions,
Ir Where
you are on top faCing his feet. Different
Balls, Balls, Balls. 243
rear-entry positions may also allow you
to reach between your legs and caress his
testicles. Experiment and see what both
of you and both of them like best.
The Exquisite Brush-off
Have your partner spread his legs
and gently brush his inner thighs, testicles, penis, and abdomen with a soft
makeup brush or an artist's brush. Doing
repeated circles around the scrotum can
feel especially nice. The sensation is subtle, somewhere between a feather and a
fingertip. It can feel relaxing and exerting at the same time. If you enjoy taking
control, you can always tie him up first.
Don't limit your strokes to just his genitals. If you're lucky, he'll grab the brush
and return the favor.
Perineum: Taint, Gooch or Grundle
There is a patch of anatomical real
estate between the testicles and rectum which is often ignored but has the
potential for sensation. It is called the
perineum. (Women have one, too.) Tantric and Hindu types get excited about
this particular area and regard it with
the same kind of awe that we Westerners do the reset button on a computer or
gaming console. Placeyour fingertips on
this area with just enough pressure so
the skin moves over the tissue beneath it.
Experiment and see what feels best.
Another Kind of Tenderness
Don't hesitate to reach between
Your partner's legs and cup or cradle his
There are many ways to caress
testicles. Here are three of them.
Z46 • Testicles
BALL CHECK!
CD
Youneed todo a boll check every
30 days or 10,000 strokes, whichever
comes first.
The best time to check your testicles
is after a warm shower, but not when
you have an erection. An erection can
raise your testicles and make them
harder to examine.
One of the things you are looking for
are changes, so it's important to know
what your testicles usually feel like.
Wi,I"
Useboth hands Grab
'
You I k"
a testicle. Roll it between your fingers.
are 00 mgfor a b
than a pea Check ny umps or lumps. They can be smaller
.
the sidesreally well, and the top and bottom,
you ever get a
'
for more than ten rn:
p pped 10 the scrotum and the pain lasts
n mmutes get it h
qUickly,testicle trau
'
c ecked by a physician. If not treated
rnacan cause
h
one ballis often big h
your uevos to become sterile. Also,
gert an the a ther. Nature made them that way.
BALL NOTES If
~-----What YouAre Feeling
When you feel your scrotum you may notice
that there is more inside than just two testicles.
There are a couple of spaghetti-like cords that
attach to each testicle at the back, toward the
top. They are calledthe epididymis. They form
a structure that isshaped likea comma. These
might be fuller ifyou haven't ejaculated ina
while. It may feel a little strange, but check
out your camma for any small nades,lumps or
changes since the last time you checked.
Squeeze that puppy. It should feela bit spongy, although
this can vary. Be aware if 0 testicle becomes extra firm or
tender or starts to lose its spongy texture. Also note ifthe
testicle is lorger or smaller or heovier than it used to be.
®
6
®
7
O
Grab your other testicle, and have at it.
Ifeither testicle has any nodes, bumps or lumps,take
it to a physician for a checkup. Chances ~re, it is only
a cyst or infection, but that needs attention, too.
You are done. Now go grab
your favorite lube, click on some porn, and liberate a
few million sperm.
CONGRATULATIONS!
248 • Testicles
intravaginal
torsion
supravaginal
torsion
mesorchial
torsion
Testicular Torsion
Testiculartorsion occurswhen the testicle twists in the scrotum, causIng the bloodvessels in the spermatic cord to twist shut. It is very serious,
and if emergency surgery Is not performed within four to six hours, It Is
quite possiblethat the testiclewill be lost. This is why any sudden or acute
pain in the testiclesthat lastsfor more than ten minutes should result in an
immediate trip to the emergency room. The same is true for an excruciating
pain that appears for a few minutes and then suddenly stops. Don't take a
wait and seeattitude, as Itmight be too late if you gambled wrong.
Torsionhappens more often in teenagers, but adult males can get it as
well.The potentiai for torsion is created when the testicle is not properly
anchored in the scrotum. Thethree most common types of testicular torsion
are illustrated above.
Twistedtesticlesare modeledafterthe illustrationsInthe excellent
bookImaging of the Scrotum, by Hricak,Hamm & Kim,Raven Press.
CHAPTER
18
The Prostate &
The Male Pelvic Underground
ne of the truly cool things about the prostate is that it is completely
O
hidden. It is the one sex organ a guy doesn't have to worry about
the size of when he's naked at the gym or when he is with a new
lover.Prostates are measured
in grams instead of inches, and a man has to
be extremely neurotic before he'd worry about how his prostate stacks up
against another guy's. (You'd need to be chewing on some seriously strong
mushrooms before you would ever hear one woman say to another, "You
won't believe the size of Brandon's prostate!")
Like the prostate, the seminal vesicles are important sex glands that are
tucked inside a man's pelvis, but you don't hear as much about them because
they rarely give a guy a hard time. The seminal vesicles sit on top of the prostate like a pair of rabbit ears on a 1960s television. They make up about 70%
of semen. Without seminal vesicles and a prostate, ejaculation would be a
non-event. The wad would be a few drops.
This chapter provides information on the two glands that make up 96%
ofthe semen when a guy launches his load-and
they are not his testicles.
TheProstate in Ancient Greek Mythology
You've probably heard how Zeus was the head of the Gods on Mount
Olympus, and how he was a jealous man with paranoid tendencies. What
you probably don't know is how the prostate gland came to be. To make a
long story short, there was a rather peculiar god by the name of Prostateus
Whose saliva smelled like chlorine bleach. Zeus feared that Prostateus was
scheming to overthrow him, so he asked his wife Hera to land Prostateus in
the underworld near the River Styx. Hera didn't get the message quite right.
Shethought Zeus said to make Prostateu5 a gland by the river of shit.
To this day, you can still find Prostateus, who the Romans called Prostate,
bysticking a finger about two inches up the male rectum. He'll be sitting just
250 • The Prostote & The Mate Pelvic Underground
below the bladder,where Heraput him. If you reach up a little farther, you
willfind thetwo bota bagsthat Prostateus used to carry his wine in. They are
now called the seminal vesicles.
From Marbles to Golf
Takeanyfourth-gradeboy,and you can be pretty sure that his prostate
Isthe size ofa marble. If youtake his dad, you're dealing with a prostate the
sizeof a walnut,a small plum,or a golfball.
If a fourth-gradeboy jerks off, he'll produce only a drop or two of clear
stickyfluid.Whilehe can stillenjoy the nice feeling of an orgasm, he won't
start to ejaculateuntil puberty begins. Until then, his prostate and sleepy
seminal vesiclesare but a twinlcle in the eye of his older, semen-producing
self.It will take a jolt of testosterone from his teenage testicles to make his
marble-sizedprostate morphinto a man-sized gland.
Geography of the Glands
The prostateislocatedbetween the bottom of the bladder and the start
of the penis.Theurethra (tubeyou pee through) runs through the prostate
likethe Mississippiruns through the heartland. The prostate wraps around
the urethra like a donut around a straw, or your hand around your penis
when your partner says,"Nottonight, dear."
The prostate is made up of smooth muscle fibers, connective tissue,
small tubes,and clusters ofglands that produce a clear fluid. If you find fruit
metaphors helpful the
t t . lik
.
, pros a e IS e a mmiature orange with a tough skin
and pulpy insides The fl ldfr th
'
.
.
Ul
om e prostate makes up around 30% of each
eJ acuiatlOn.Asa guy is start: t .
mg a ejaculate, the muscle fibers in the prostate
squeeze the fluid from the tiny glands into the urethra.
The seminalvesiclesare b t
.
tate on the sid f
a au two mches long. They sit above the prosSl e a the bladder Th
1
rabbit ears The'
.'
ey are ong and narrow like a pair of puffy
. seminal vesIclesha
.
f
Juicethat puts th "thick"
ve speCIalcells that make a gelatin-type a
e 1 msemenTh
.
t
70%of the volum th ' .
. e semmal vesicles manufacture abou
e at s in each and every wad
Nate Whilethe testicles are th
.
contribute nomoreth
e master glands of the male pelvis, they
.
an2%to4%ofea h .
Important Whenit co
c eJaculatlOn.The testicles are hugely
produce much of his mes tlokeeping amale looking like a man but they don't
ejacu ate.
'
The Prostate & The Male Pelvic Underground. 251
bladder
prostate
Illi~_--"cowper's
glands
glans
I-;r-----vas
deferens
epididymis
\VJv.-::.~~_-testis
scrotum
bladder
prostate
Cowper's
glands
4t'\-l+-bu1b
of the penis
.mRrh~rl---1H-bulbus urethra
penis
The
Pelvic
Underground
252 • The Prostate &
The Male Pelvic Underground
o
o
(
\
~
urethra
Prostate Cutin Half-Front and Side Views
Some people think of the prostate as a lump. However, as you can
see from this diagram, the prostate is a complex organ that has a
number of different parts to it.
The Prostate & The Male Pelvic Underground
• 253
why Girls Drip after Intercourse without a Condom
Did you ever wonder why ejaculate shoots out of the penis thick, but
ends up dripping out of a woman's vagina as she tears out of bed and tries to
get to work or class on time I The easiest way to find out why is to have a guy
come in a glass. In a few minutes, the thick whitish cum in the glass will start
changing into a thin watery fluid. If a woman who's had intercourse stands
up when the ejaculate is in its thin-as-water
state, it will drip. And drip.
How come? When a man is about to ejaculate and he reaches the point
ofno return, a couple of different things happen in his pelvis.
There's a collector part of the urethra that's located at the base of the
penis. It is called the bulbus urethra. When a man is about to have an orgasm,
the ingredients
that make up semen collect in the bulbus urethra. These
ingredients include a tiny squirt of sperm, a big squirt of gelatin juice from
the seminal vesicles, and a medium-sized
squirt of prostate fluid that con-
tains an enzyme called PSA.All in all, semen has more than 300 ingredients.
When the bulbus urethra fills with the different ingredients that make
up semen, the pressure seems to trigger the muscles around it to convulse.
Thissends the wad flying through the penis and out the end. Ejaculation!
As for explaining the trick in the glass, the key is the PSAfrom the prostate: when it mixes with the thick gelatin juice from the seminal vesicles it
causes the gelatin juice to change its state from thick to thin. This makes the
semen get watery. Scientists think this happens so the semen can more eas-
ily be sucked up into the woman's cervix. Evolutionists say it's so other males
willsmell semen dripping from her vagina and realize their sperm has been
out-competed. Socialists say it's a capitalist plot to sell more tissue. No one
reallyknows why.
Prostate Has the Right Name, But Not the Seminal Vesicles
The prostate was named around 300 B.C.by Herophilus, the father of
anatomy. The word prostate supposedly means "guard of the bladder." The
prostate glands that Herophilus studied were fresh and in working order, as
he was allowed to do dissections on criminals who were being put to death.
Herophilus deserves credit for disseminating
correct information about the
prostate. This was not the case for those who eventually found and named
the seminal vesicles.
254 . The Prostate & The Male Pelvic Underground
The name "seminal vesicles"implies they are containers that hold the
semen. But the seminal vesiclesaren't containers. They manufacture severalingredients that go into semen, but the seminal vesicles never see fullymixedsemen any more than an ice-cream machine sees a hot-fudge sundae.
Curiosity will Not Kill the Prostate
Some peoplecan read about the prostate and be perfectly content leavIngwell enough alone.others will want to reach out and touch one. It probablydepends on whether youview the prostate as a lump in a landfill or a
diamond in the rough.
There aretwo ways to feel a prostate: one is by doing the type of prostate exam that a healthcare professional does. We advise against this, but if
yourgoal is onlycuriosityinstead of providing pleasure, go ahead. The other
method is bydoinga pleasurableprostate massage. There's an entire section
onprostate pleasureat the endof this chapter.
If you are doing a DRE(digital rectal exam) like the one shown in the
iUustrationon the next page,be sure to trim the nail on the finger you are
using.Put on latex exam gloves(without powder), and slather a generous
amount of lubelikeKYJellyonyour finger. Have the man bend over.
Youdon't want your fingerto enter his anus at the same angle that an
arrowdoes when you've h t it t b '
Sal
a a ull s eye. Instead, you want your finger
tobeagainst hisan hke it . h
us ellS w en your are putting it against your lips and
going"Shhhhhl"Th'
ISmeans the pad of your finger will be laying flat against
hisanus and your wrist will b
.
.
e
against his scrotum or in that general area
between
his thighs.
Asyou arepushing the d f
.
tarUyrelax Thi .
pa 0 yourfingeragamsthisanus,itwillmomen. s ISyourapport 'ty
farther into th
.
urn to ease the pad of your well-lubed finger
e openmg. Simpl fli k he t:
,
,
ing process, your finger wnl Y c t e tip around and in. During the flickcal)to the arrow' th b 1 ,suddenly go from the "Shhhhh" direction (vertiin e Ullseye (h .
seen because it ha
onzontal). The quick flick can't really be
ppens as YOurfin .
longas you are gent! b t fi
ger ISpushing into the anal opening. As
e U rmthere h ldn'
offthe ceiling or call
s ou n t be any need to peel the man
an ambUlance.
. SlOWlypush your finger in a co
.
Illustration on the next
uple of fiches and start to explore. The
page shOUldb
e an adequate gUide.While the prostate
~~--The Prostate
& The Male Pelvic Underground
prostate
bladder
ORE-Digital
Rectal Exam
The examiner can reach only about a third of the entire prostate.
So she tries to check for symmetry in the lobes of the gland. To do
this correctly, you need to be standing or squatting square, with
your butt sticking up and out.
.255
258 • The Prostate & The Male Pelvic Underground
bladder
/
enlarged lobe
of prostate
intrudes Into
bladder
f
pubic bone
l
can intrude
into rectum
as well
When the Posterior Lobe of the Prostate
Pushes into the Bladder
This is what it looks like when a lobe of the prostate swells and
pushes into the floor of the bladder. It can cause intense bladder
discomfort. When a man tries to urinate, this enlarged lobe can
push against the opening of the urethra and block the flow.
The Prostate & The Male Pelvic Underground.
and far between. Although prostate
cancer is the third-mast-common
259
kind
of cancer men get, there isn't a huge amount of science to guide physicians.
Half of all men will at sometime
have BPH or prostatitis, yet treatment
remains more of an art than a science. While studies are now being done, it
will be years before there is a decent body of findings to help health care practitioners make quick and accurate decisions.
Prostatitis-A Young Man's Disease
Prostatitis is a syndrome that can include pain in the pelvis, painful ejaculation, pain with erections, an array of urination problems, and pain with
lifein general. Some men say it feels like they've got a golf ball up their butt."
Prostatitis is often described as a young man's disease, yet it can pummel the pelvis of any man at any age. It can be caused by anything from
an infection to chronic tension in the pelvis, although infection is found in
lessthan
10%
of all cases of prostatitis.
Urology, prostatitis
To quote an article in the Journal of
is a syndrome that is "poorly defined, poorly understood,
poorlytreated, and bothersome."
Or to quote our prostate expert, "Prostati-
tis is a young guy's disease that is not diagnosed properly and is not treated
properly."
Ifyou've got a sudden, acute attack of pain in your pelvis, get yourself to
a physician as soon as possible. This kind of prostatitis can usually be treated
successfully. If you have chronic prostate problems, educate yourself about
prostatitis. A good source of information
is www.prostatitis.org.
Then, after
youhave an idea of just how many theories there are and how complex the
problem can be, find a good urologist. The prostatitis.org website usually
keepsa list of urologists with whom people have had positive experiences.
Since chronic prostatitis tends to wax and wane, a lot of men take severalcourses of antibiotics, thinking that the antibiotics helped it improve the
lasttime around. This is not a good idea. You need to approach chronic prostatitiswith patience and intelligence. A shot gun approach is not wise.
Regarding sexual practices and prostate health, there aren't any studies
to offer guidance. Having anal sex without a condom (barebacking) makes
the man who inserts vulnerable to prostatitis because E. coli can cause prostarrnis, and there are abundant legions ofE. coli in our rectums. There are also
concerns that couples who are having vaginal intercourse can be passing
260 . The Prostate & TheMale PelvicUnderground
some prostate infections back and forth, so if you have prostate problems,
youneed to let your urologistknow about your sexual practices,
BPH(Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia)-Middle-Age
or Older
Let's sayyou are getting close to 50 and you notice that the wall doesn't
shakeanymore when you arepeeing at a urinal. Or maybe you don't make it
through the night likeyou usedto. This could be due to a prostate that is gettinglarger as you are getting older.
It is called BPHwhen your prostate gland is enlarged and physicians
don't think you have cancer.The symptoms can range from mild to severe.
Oneof the fascinating things about BPHis that the prostate can be greatly
enlarged in a man who experiences no troubling symptoms, or it can be completelynormal in sizebut theman is going through hell. In the latter case, the
swellingmight be on the insideof the prostate, clamping the urethra shut.
Although BPHand prostatitis are supposed to be two different things, a
man who is under 40 is likelyto be given the diagnosis of prostatitis while a
bladder
swelling here
clamps urethra
to penis
good urine Aow
Normal
Prostate
to penis
trickles
Prostate
with BPH
The Prostate & TheMale Pelvic Underground. 261
man who is over 50 is likely to be given the diagnosis of BPH,even if they have
the exact same symptoms.
Prostate Cancer
It has been estimated that half of all grown men have an early form of
prostate cancer called microcarcinoma.
It usually stays where it is and you
neverknow it is there. When this kind of cancer does grow, it often remains
inside the prostate and is not aggressive. However, some forms of prostate
cancercan be very aggressive. The challenge is in knowing which is which.
Prostate cancer is sometimes diagnosed on a wing and a prayer. One of
the big challenges with prostate cancer is deciding when to treat it aggressivelyand when to take a "wait and watch" attitude.
One test that can possibly indicate the presence of prostate cancer is
calledthe PSAtest. PSA is the enzyme that makes a guy's ejaculate go from
thick to watery. When the level of PSA in the bloodstream starts to rise, it
mightbe due to cancer of the prostate. On the other hand, BPHcan also cause
the PSAlevel to rise, and some men who have prostate cancer show no rise in
their PSA level at all.
At this point, some groups are recommending
against doing routine
PSAtests. PSA tests can often result in a wild goose chase and sometimes
do more harm than good. If you have reason for concern, check with your
doctor.Researchers are trying to find ways to improve the PSAtests. Some of
the things they are looking into include free vs. total PSA,PSAdensity in the
interior part of the prostate that surrounds the urethra, PSAvelocity and PSA
doubling time.
Here are just a few prostate cancer suggestions:
i:Newton
Malerman, author of a book on prostate cancer, says: "If
you are diagnosed with prostate cancer or any other serious illness,
take someone with you to your doctor's appointments. My wife
was able to ask much clearer and tougher questions than I was. If
you are single, or your spouse or partner is too emotional about
what's happening, take a trusted friend or family member... If you
are treated to a rough digital exam, find another urologist. The procedure is not too unpleasant
if the doctor has a gentle touch."
262 • The Pro,t,te & The Male Pelvic Underground
~ Exploreseveralwebsites.Some of your best help will come from the
posts of men who have been through it before you. However, be aware of
which companies contribute funding to the websites you are searching. It
isunlikely that these companieswill tolerate posts that question wisdom of
taking their products.
~If you have cancer or BPH and if surgery or radiation
is being suggested,ask ifit will cause incontinence,impotence, a shorter penis, dry ejaculations or if you will squirt urine when you ejaculate. Also inquire about
vacuum pumpingyour penisafter surgery. Some urologists recommend it.
A Healthy Prostate Diet?
Long-term studies on diet, prostate irritation and prostate cancer are
just starting to comein. Checkwith your healthcare professional about what
foodsmight helpand whichto avoid. Smoking definitely causes bladder cancer,and it causesmen with prostatitis to have worse symptoms.
Prostate Massage for Pleasure
Prostate play should neverfeel like a rectal exam from a healthcare provider.If a healthcareprovidertook the time to caress and massage your anus
likea lover should before sticking a finger up it, he or she would probably
losetheir license.Orthey would experience a massive decrease in billable
hoursdue to how much extratime is involved.And they would probably be
sopopular it wouldtake monthsto schedule an appointment.
The followingtips are from CharIie Glickman's
.
excellent book The UltI-.
mate
. Guide to Prostate PIeasure: A' GUIdefor Men and Their Partners and from
a VIdeocalledA GUide For Prostate Massage from The Pleasure Mechanics.
~ Lubeup yourfingersWithmassage oil.
~Begin with external m
.
.
area Glid
assage Just below the testicles in the penneal
.
e a well-lubricatedfi
ing malci . I
nger around the outside of the anal openng eire es with it S d
fingerto mak fro d .' pen several minutes doing this, allowing your
e len s with it Do 't
.
becomes relaxed.
. n try any penetration until the opemng
o
~ Don't push your fingerinto h
forlong enough th
t e anus. If you've massaged the outside
, e anal sphinct
.
ers WIllrelax and allow easy insertion of
The Prostate & The Male Pelvic Underground.
263
the finger. Gradually increase the pressure, but don't push your finger farther
in than feels comfortable for the man.
1f:sometimes
all that's necessary
is putting your finger in a quarter or .
half of an inch. Massage there and call it a day if going further in is not pleasurable.
1f:The sphincter muscles are like two small donuts that sit above the
anal opening. If your finger encounters
resistance
when it reaches the
sphincters, stop there. It means the man is not relaxed enough to go farther.
1f:once you reach the prostate,
you might try a "come here" motion.
Alsotry moving your finger in circles around the prostate. It should never
feelpainful or uncomfortable
for your partner. Then try gliding your finger
fromthe outer edge to the center of the prostate.
-~ Some men
experience
prostate
stimulation
as being
midway
between the sensation of needing to pee and having an orgasm. Men who
enjoyprostate stimulation
sometimes
describe it as providing wavelike sen-
sations through their entire pelvis and body. Orgasms that occur when the
prostate is being stimulated
can sometimes
last longer and result in pro-
longedsensation.
1f:When you are ready to stop, let your finger glide out slowly; never
pullit out quickly,
1f:Once you get the prostate simulation down, you might try stimulating his penis with a well-lubed hand at the same time you are stimulating
his prostate with a finger from your other hand. You may need to go easier
onthe penis stimulation, as it might be more sensitive due to the simultaneousprostate stimulation.
1f:The prostate will swell as the man becomes more aroused. You'llbe
ableto feel this with your finger.
1f:The prostate especially swells right before ejaculation. You should be
ableto feel ejaculation-related
it Some
swelling with your finger.
men find that direct prostate
stimulation results in a super
intense orgasm, While others find it's too much or it dulls the feeling of
orgasm.They might prefer to avoid prostate stimulation altogether, or that
youjust push against the rim of the anus with a finger.
264 •
The Prostate & TheMale Pelvic Underground
.Jijl: Regardingpositions for prostate massage, there's face up and face
down.Tryeachone and seewhat works best for both of you .
.Jijl: For menwhowant tostimulate their own prostates, an S-shaped lucite
sextoy (CrystalWand) or a special butt plug might help. Charlie Glickman's
prostate massagebook has a lot of information about different devices for
prostate stimulation.For instance, the surface area of a dildo is larger than
that of a finger.This results in a different sensation on the prostate than a
finger.Somemen prefer the sensation of a dildo on their prostate more than
afinger,otherslikethe greaterprecision that finger massage offers.
HighlyRecommendedResourcesfor Prostate Massage and Pleasure:
The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure: A Guide for Men and Their Partners by CharlieGlickman,CliesPress, 2013.A very thoughtful
and well-written look at this hidden but important part of male sexuality. Highly recommended for any man or couplewho wants to explore the prostate and its
potential forextra sexual pleasure.
A Guide For Prostate Massage from The Pleasure Mechanics. This brief
videowhich is only twenty minutes long is one of the best resources you'll
find on prostate pleasure. Couples will feel very comfortable watching it
together, and it will give youa wealth of helpful information that you can't
findin a book.VisitThe PleasureMechanics: www.PleasureMechanics.com.
Resources for Prostatitis and BHP:Be sure to visit the extremely thorough
andcompetent website ofthe Prostatitis organization: www.prostatitis.org.
Thanks: A very special th k
K.
an s to Dr. Joe Marzucco, formerly of the portland
aiser UrologyDepartment d
. .
P rtl d
an now a sex therapist in private practice 111
o~egan ,~re~on. Thanks alsoto John Schulman, a sex educator in Corvallis,
on, w 0 elpsstudents learn how to do prostate exams.
CHAPTER
19
Doing Yourself
In Your Partner's Presence
S
ome women
have never seen a man masturbate,
have never seen a woman
and some men
masturbate in real life. Yet plenty of us
would find it erotic to watch a partner do it. That's what this chapter
is about.
Many of us have the fantasy that once we get into a relationship, we
won't be playing with ourselves anymore. In some cases, that's how it is for
the first couple of months or years. You either don't have the urge to masturbate because you're having enough sex with your partner, or you can't
remember why you used to do it so often. In other relationships, which can
bejust as satisfying, you don't really stop masturbating.
reportthat they start masturbating
And some women
more once they are in a satisfying sexual
relationship.
While there are times when masturbation
is something you will prefer
to do alone, there are other times when doing it with or in front of a partner
canbe extremely satisfying.
Masturbating in front of a partner can sometimes take a lot of trust.
That's because masturbation
tends to be more self-disclosing than other
types of sex. On our sex survey, the vast majority of people say they would
rather be walked in on while they are having sex with a partner than when
they are masturbating.
Masturbation can also leave you feeling vulnerable if your partner finds
youdoing it: "Oh, hi, honey, I was just sitting here jerking off."
Being open about it can help expand sexual enjoyment for both partners.
Hereare nine reasons why:
-If There is often
YOurpartner masturbate.
menwatching women.
something
erotic and even forbidden about seeing
This is just as true for women watching men as for