30 - Valley Planet

Transcription

30 - Valley Planet

THE VALLEY PLANET, INC.
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 21
#112504120804
READ THE PLANET, IT’S FREE!
WWW.VALLEYPLANET.COM
NOVEMBER 25 - DECEMBER 8, 2004
From Gut-Bucket
To Boogie
Page 9
Guess Who’s Coming
Page 21
Hollywood Vampires
Page 12
VOTE!
Adventures of
a Yankee Down
South
Calendar
News of the
Weird
Letters to the
Planet
The Deep End
Underground
Sounds
Half a can of
cranberry
sauce
P.O.Box 335, Meridianville, AL 35759, phone 256.858.6736
Publisher
Milton A. Lamb Jr.
Executive Editor
Tammy Westmoreland
Arts & Entertainment Editor
Jennifer H. Daniel
Managing Editor
Lucia Cape
General Manager
Cherié Lamb
Sales & Marketing
Matt Wake
Distribution Manager
Charlotte Griffin
Valley Planet Stylist
Susan Roney
Contributors
Dr. Anarcho, Mark Barksdale,
Karen Bertiger, Lendsey M. Coil,
Jennifer H. Daniel, Leigh Daniel,
Marianne Gatlin, Allison Gregg,
Steve Moulton, Michael Pollick,
The Raven, Ricky Thomason,
Randy Van Nostrand, Matt Wake
The Valley Planet is printed for you by the good
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in beautiful & sunny Pulaski, Tennessee.
Thank you for reading the fine print of the VALLEY
PLANET. The VALLEY PLANET and valleyplanet.com
are published twice monthly by VALLEY PLANET INC.
P.O.Box 335, Meridianville, AL 35759. Subscriptions
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One copy per person please; don’t waste trees. Copyright 2003 by the VALLEY PLANET, INC. All rights
reserved. Reproduction or use without our permission
is strictly prohibited. The views and opinions expressed
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are available for $2 each. Please send requests by email
[email protected], or mail Valley Planet, P.O.Box
335, Meridianville, AL, 35759, or call
256.858.6736
Memphis is 7-3 and going bowling
for the second year in a row.
I
went to Memphis last weekend to visit
family and friends and to watch the
University of Memphis Tigers play
basketball in the Memphis Grizzlies new
FedExForum. My father, my sisters and
I parked downtown Thursday afternoon
and wandered onto Beale Street looking
for a bite before going to the game. Fried
dill pickles, barbeque and catfish, who
could ask for more? All night long, I
couldn’t help but compare my new home
here to my old home back there. I know
Memphis is bigger than Huntsville and
older than Huntsville, but not that much
bigger or that much older. I guess what I
mean is, if this area has more than half the
population of Memphis, why does it have
less than half the stuff?
votes we have already received, counting
them will take a lot longer than it did last
year. So, if you want to see your favorite
people and places win, you really, really
need to vote. Some of the categories are
shaping up very similar to last year, while
others are taking on a whole new look.
The categories of best new bar or
restaurant and best bar or restaurant that
has closed in the past year or so have been
getting some interesting votes. We tried to
come up with a list of all the places that
have opened or closed this past year, but
we gave up. It is amazing how many bars
and restaurants have closed or opened
The answers are simple, really. The
people that live here don’t support here.
In fact, most of the people living here
won’t even admit that they are living
here. Ask that guy over there. Go ahead.
Ask him. The answer I typically get is
Lick Skillet or Nashville or Texas or
Toledo or somewhere else. They typically
came here because their work made
them. I truly believe most folks here are
planning to not stay here, but most never
actually leave. I’ll bet there are families
who moved here in the ’70s, whose kids
have left home and come back again, who
still talk constantly about exactly where
they are moving next year. It’s always
next year. It’s been next year since 1973.
Face it, you’re probably going to be here
awhile. Sure, some do move away, but
most don’t.
The problem this creates is that we
become a population of uninvolved
citizens. Since the plan is to leave soon,
why get involved in local stuff. Who
cares who the mayor or city council is?
Who cares whether or not we improve
our schools, our streets or our other
amenities? We don’t, because we don’t
really live here. We’re just visiting.
I think it is this attitude of “I’ll be moving
soon” that keeps this area crawling
instead of running. I don’t mean it’s all
that important for Huntsville or Decatur
to be big, but it is important for our area
to be better and nicer and prettier and
even a little more exciting. If you are one
of these people who believe Huntsville
is just a temporary stop on your way to
Marrakesh, please realize that it is very
possible you’ll be here a long time. It’s
possible, even likely. So, go ahead and
get involved in something, anything.
If Huntsville is to become a real city,
everybody has to do his part. Everybody
needs to spend her money here, not there,
as often as possible. And frequent locally
owned places. That way, the money isn’t
siphoned off to parts unknown.
That’s not to say there is nothing going on
now. There are some big things (relatively
speaking) in the works that will move us
in the right direction. There are three big,
new buildings in the works in downtown
Huntsville, four if you count the Valley
Planet’s new multi-tower, mixed-use,
2
office complex, theme park development
still in the initial planning stages. We still
can’t come to an agreement as to whether
the penthouse office suites should be
Art Nouveau or Bauhaus in design. But
the other three should happen fairly
soon. The new Embassy Suites is under
construction; 301 East should start rising
soon; and Big Spring Summit still plans
to be completed late next year. My vast
experience as one who has driven by
construction sites for 40 years now, says
it takes more than 12 months to build an
office building, but who knows. Also,
Pratt Avenue in Five Points will get a
facelift next year.
Architectural renderings of World Famous Bridge Street.
But, the biggest development on
the horizon for this area is World
Famous Bridge Street. This mixed-use
development to be built in Research
Park, just off Research Park Boulevard
at Old Madison Pike near I-565, will
change the way foreigners think of
Huntsville. The development includes
a new movie theater, retail and office
space, apartments and a hotel. But the
coolest part about Bridge Street is the
design. This development will have the
look and feel of an upscale, open-air
town center. Included in the common
spaces are fountains, sculptures and
other pedestrian-friendly amenities. Go
to www.osholdings.com/bridgestreet for
all the details of this outstanding addition
to Huntsville.
their doors in the last year or two. This
coming year, I think I’ll keep a running
tally for next year’s vote.
The second annual Best of the Valley
Readers Poll is well underway. From the
Milton A. Lamb Jr.
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 21
#112504120804
Here, at the Valley Planet, we’re coming
up on the holidays and have started
planning for 2005. We are expanding our
calendar to include even more things to
do. We will continue to shuffle writers
around to keep you informed and to keep
a smile on your face. We really need your
feedback as to which columns, writers or
information you like or don’t like. Some
articles get tons of response and some
don’t get any. We know that just because
no one writes to us about an article doesn’t
mean it is not getting read. I don’t get a lot
of response for this column, but you are
reading it right now, aren’t you?
Sweet Potato Chef
THE VALLEY PLANET
In The Planet
THE VALLEY PLANET
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 21
#112504120804
November 25 - December 8, 2004
NEXT ISSUE DECEMBER 9, 2004
Unchained Maladies
Ricky Thomason
Theatre Huntsville
Boondocks
Underground Sounds
Matt Wake
BEST OF THE VALLEY
BALLOT
Hollywood Vampires
Matt Wake
A Cowgirl, a Diva and a
Shameless Hussy
CALENDAR
Habitat for Humanity
Randy Van Nostrand
LETTERS TO THE PLANET
ON THE COVER:
“The Secret”
Leftover Salmon’s
Drew Emmitt
Jennifer H. Daniel
From Gut-Bucket to Boogie
Ricky Thomason
A to Z of the Big D
Leigh Daniel
ADVENTURES OF A
YANKEE DOWN SOUTH:
Halloween:
The Suburban Myth
Karen Bertiger
Dr. Anarcho’s Rx For Old Stuff
That Don’t Suck
It’s Ten Years Later
Steve Moulton
PARTY OF ONE:
Times Tables
Allison Gregg
Guess Who’s Coming?
Jennifer H. Daniel
THE DEEP END:
The Red Head, Lendsey M. Coil
THEM, The Raven
Modern Cuts for Modern Men,
Michael Pollick
Shopping List, Marianne Gatlin
Living, Marianne Gatlin
my child, Mark Barksdale
LISTINGS
News of the Weird
THE VALLEY PLANET
#112504120804
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 21
3
U
It’s a sorry world when an adult takes out
their frustrations — of any sort — on a
child. You have to have a license to own a
dog, but any two lowlifes in the world can
have kid after kid.
ntil recent, extraordinarily good
feminine fortune changed my
world, I apparently had “only the
mentally unstable need apply” stamped on
my forehead. I have consistently attracted
women with weird religious connections.
I’m not sure how that happened to me, of
all people.
I don’t usually favor capital punishment,
mainly for the fact that it costs less to
keep someone in prison for life than it
does to fry them. I’ll make an exception
in this belief in the case of child molesters
— and add Michael Jackson’s name to
that list, should he be found guilty and
convicted. That he was probably abused
as a child doesn’t cut it as an excuse in
my book.
At best, my religious views would have
been labeled as some sort of unorthodox
agnosticity. Maybe that’s the key
— sometimes women want to rescue
men, like they might a kitten or puppy
or any other sort of dumb animal. Yeah,
that’s probably what it was; my dumb
animal-like nature made me a good little
fixer-upper project. They wanted to train
me not to lie in the road and lick myself
— stuff like that. Which is a pretty goofy
idea, now that I think about it. If most
men were capable of licking themselves,
and could cook, they’d think they needed
no one else in their life anyway.
Before the angel visited me, one of the
last would-be rescuers I knew was like
riding a tiger for a couple of weeks. Then
her Psychos-for-Christ Church got to her,
and I was confessed as a sin and repented
of in front of the rest of the loonies. Why?
Because it was fun. “It”… sex. You know
… that stuff. If it’s fun, it’s got to be a sin.
At the time, I hoped she handed out my
number at the altar, because any religion
that strict must be teeming with frustrated
women.
Just because it takes a long time doesn’t
mean it can’t happen. No matter what the
past is, you can have some small hope for
the future if you’re willing to work at it.
First though, you have to come to grips
with your issues of the past, and maybe
not be so hard on yourself. There really
are people out there who need killing, and
you shouldn’t feel guilt for acknowledging
that, even though you can’t do it. In fact, it
may be a first step to recovery.
artwork by Debbie West
Otherwise, it’s been those daddy issues
that seemed to plague the rest of them.
Lots of those out there. Daddy wouldn’t
buy them that pony, and the world has to
pay. Daddy abused them. Daddy teased
them. Daddy ignored them. Daddy died.
They couldn’t get daddy’s approval. No,
and they never will get daddy’s approval
— ever.
As a result of this, I’ve come to the
conclusion that few people can screw up
a kid’s life — particularly a daughter’s
— faster than daddy.
Generally, I think most people’s problems
are of their own making. I’m thinking
about that one some more, too. For certain,
our problems are our own to solve, even if
we do have help. But, let me tell you, the
older I get, the more I’ve come to realize
that there are some things that can happen
to children that can be blamed on no one
but the adults around them. There are
some real world-class SOBs out there in
this world who are fathers in name only.
They do worse than nothing; they scar
their children — particularly the girls
— in ways unimaginable to the majority
of us.
Ricky Thomason is a freelance writer from
Huntsville. Email Rick at
[email protected].
Let Ricky know what you think at our forums at
www.valleyplanet.com.
BOONDOCKS
Over the years, women have done some
strange things around me in the name
of their religion. Years ago, I knew one
that jumped through flaming hoops in the
woods, naked at dawn. Then, even she
decided I was too crazy to mess with —
in fact, she suggested I seek counseling.
What’s a mother to do? When someone so
well-grounded in a reality like that tells
you that you need professional help, you
have to take them seriously. I know I did.
I headed straight for Dr. Bombay and a
dirty martini.
Sometimes, a few of us dumb animals get
lucky and are adopted by just the right
person to love, pet and feed us. The one
who found me is almost enough to make
me rethink my position on whether or not
higher powers exist and give a damn.
4
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 21
#112504120804
THE VALLEY PLANET
It’s finally here: the Second Annual Best of the Valley Readers Poll. You Bet Shiraz, it is! This is your chance to help us let the
people of the Tennessee Valley, and those visiting here, know what you think is the best we have to offer. Please let your voice
be heard. You can pull this sheet out of the Planet, fill out the parts you want to and mail it to us at Best of the Valley 2004, P.O.
Box 335, Meridianville, AL 35759 or (much easier for everyone) go vote online at www.valleyplanet.com. Campaign hard.
This ballot will appear in the rest of the 2004 issues of the Planet, and then the Best of the Valley 2004 issue will be published
in January 2005. Remember, you don’t have to fill out everything, just fill out what you want. But whatever you do, VOTE!
ALL BALLOTS MUST BE RECEIVED BY DECEMBER 31, 2004!
DRINK
Best Mexican:
Best Bar Overall:
Best Asian:
Coolest Bar:
Best Italian:
Best Patio:
Best International (other than those listed):
Best Bar That’s Gone (closed 2003-04):
Best Pizza:
Best New Bar (opened 2003-04):
Best Cajun:
Best Bartender:
Best Steak:
Best Place for a Beer:
Best Burger:
Best Place for a Margarita:
Best Wings:
Best Place for a Shot:
Best Deli:
Best Place for a Glass of Wine:
Best Desserts:
SHOPPING
Best Place for a Martini:
Best BBQ:
Best Gallery:
Best Neighborhood Bar:
Best Home Cooking:
Best Antique Shop:
Best Sports Bar:
Best Lunch:
Best Gift Shop:
Best Place to Dance:
Best Sunday Brunch:
Best Wine Shop:
Best First-Date Bar:
Most Romantic:
Best Music Shop:
Best Country Artist(s):
Best Blues Artist(s):
Best Jazz Artist(s):
Best Place for Trivia:
Favorite Local Sports Team:
Best Bowling Alley:
Best Place for Darts:
Best Place for Pool:
LOCAL ENTERTAINMENT
& SPORTS
Best Late-Night Bar:
Best Meat Market:
EAT
Best World Music Artist(s):
Best Place to Hear Live Music:
Best Book Store:
Best Video Store:
Best Adult Store:
Best Restaurant Overall:
Best Place for Karaoke:
LIFE
Best Service (restaurant):
Best Karaoke DJ:
Best Park:
Best Fine Dining:
Best Band Overall:
Best Place to Hike:
Best Restaurant That’s Gone (closed 2003-04):
Best Musician Overall:
Best Neighborhood:
Best New Restaurant (opened 2003-04):
Best Female Singer:
Best Reason to Live Here:
Best Coffee House:
Best Male Singer:
Best Publication in the Valley:
Best Breakfast:
(The following categories can be votes for local
single performers or groups)
Best Reason to Read the Valley Planet:
Best Seafood:
Best Rock Artist(s):
Comments:
THE VALLEY PLANET
#112504120804
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 21
5
O
n Saturday, Dec. 11, Huntville’s
legendary
Kaffeeklatsch
presents a sassy, sexy trio of
performing songwriters who will make
you laugh, cry and kick up your rock ’n’
roll heels with their winning combination
of humor and original country, jazz and
pop songs.
No doubt you have sung along to one
of their chart-topping singles: “Angels
Among Us” (recorded by Alabama) and
“Jones on the Jukebox” by “Cowgirl”
Becky Hobbs; “Two Pina Coladas” and
“It’s Your Song” (recorded by Garth
Brooks) by bluesy “Diva” Benita Hill;
and “Never Wear Panties to a Party” and
“Every Man I Love is Either Married,
Gay or Dead” by “Shameless Hussy”
Kacey Jones, former lead singer of Ethel
and the Shameless Hussies. Jones is
also Royal Minstrel to the Sweet Potato
Queens (of the best-selling books by Jill
Conner Browne) and a frequent guest on
NPR’s “A Prairie Home Companion.”
These three ladies will inspire, empower
and thoroughly entertain you with their
music, wit and stories about men, love
and dating, surviving cancer and the
power of the spirit.
For
“Shameless
Hussy”
Kacey
Jones, a.k.a. “Ethel,” a return to the
Kaffeeklatsch conjures fond memories of
the late ’80s when her original all-girl trio,
Ethel and The Shameless Hussies, played
to
standing-room-only crowds. Ethel
and The Shameless Hussies eventually
signed to MCA Records, appeared on
“Entertainment
Tonight” and
were
Habitat for
Humanity
of Madison
County Opens
the Habitat
Furniture
Store
A few minutes of exploration will
convince you that the facility is one of
the good things about Huntsville. It is
open Tuesday through Saturday 9 a.m. to
4 p.m. Not only can you find a bargain,
but you will meet people who have found
a way to make a difference in someone’s
life. A trip there would not be complete
without meeting Ray Frye, who manages
the place.
by Randy Van Nostrand
D
ue to tremendous public response,
the local Habitat for Humanity
organization has expanded its
sales to the public once again. Now, it is
offering good used furniture at bargain
prices. Proudly growing from its smaller
location on University Drive, Madison
County Habitat for Humanity’s Habitat
Furniture Store now occupies over 40,000
square feet of warehouse space at 400
Pratt Ave. N.W. in Huntsville (formerly
Royal Chevrolet). The building is divided
into administrative offices, a workshop
where preliminary construction tasks
related to new housing construction are
completed, the ReStore that offers a full
range of surplus building supplies and
hardware, and now the Habitat Furniture
Store.
6
Frye is one of the most enthusiastic
people you will ever meet. He is on fire
with his commitment to the Habitat cause
of providing simple, decent homes to
those in need. If you are looking for a
way to support a worthwhile, charitable
organization or just interested in a lowcost way to fix up your personal space,
this place is one that should not be
missed.
While there, speak to Ray or one of the
other friendly staff about details of local
Habitat projects. I think that you will agree
with me that the Habitat for Humanity
goals and methods are wonderful.
I have participated in two Blitz Builds
and received much more positive energy
than I expended. Volunteers are needed
featured in People Magazine and USA
Today.  The infamous trio disbanded in
1990, after which Miss Jones recorded a
comedy album for Curb Records. 
 
A Cowgirl, A Diva and A Shameless
Hussy perform from 9 p.m. until 1
a.m. at the Kaffeeklatsch in downtown
Huntsville, Saturday, Dec. 11. 
Ray Frye Manages the ReStore and the new Habitat
Furniture Store.
for a range of chores, from carpentry
to landscaping. You will work hard and
meet people who believe that life is
about more than focusing on themselves
and accumulating wealth. A Blitz Build
workday is tonic for your spirit. It is
similar to a barn raising, but is more of a
cooperation between strangers who have
found a way to give back a little of what
they have been given. You meet great
volunteers and the people who will live in
the homes you help build.
Cooperation between corporate and
church groups and individuals who
support the Build with financial
contributions and volunteer labor means
low-cost housing opportunities that give
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 21
#112504120804
people a hand up, not a handout. Partner
families in the Habitat program are
required to help build their own home.
The home is sold to them at no profit with
a no-interest, 20-year mortgage.
Perhaps you don’t have time to take
part in the building process. A trip to the
ReStore or the Habitat Furniture Store
will save you money and provide you
with an opportunity to learn more about
and support a worthy cause. All proceeds
go to support the local Habitat building
projects. Cash donations and building
materials or furniture fit for recycling are
cheerfully accepted.
For more information you can call
Ray at (256) 489-3268, email him
at [email protected] or go to
www.habitat.org.
THE VALLEY PLANET
There is nothing more fun for us than getting your letters and
emails. PLEASE keep sending them in. We may not print them
all, but we’ll try. Please send your comments to
[email protected]. Thanks everybody!
Steve,
I hopped on Google and typed in my name, Steve Moulton, and read your article on the
BCS.  Glad I’m a good writer.  Also, this was a good year for you, as I live in Mass., and I’m a
Red Sox and Pats fan.
Good to be Steve
HEY, THANKS FOR THE HALLOWEEN PARTY!
It was a blast and y’all did great!
CYA next year.
J&D
Hello Karen,
My name is P. I’m a 38-year-old Huntsvillian, born and raised here. I ate at Bennigans last
Saturday, and there was a Valley Planet newspaper stand in the lobby, so I decided to read
it while I was waiting on my dinner.
Back in my younger days, I could have told you where all the hot spots in Huntsville,
Nashville or Birmingham were without the aid of a paper. But now, I’ve kind of lost touch
with the nightlife and my life is (to be honest) rather boring. I’ve asked co-workers where
is a good place to hang out and meet people my age, but since most of them are married,
they didn’t really know. The Valley Planet tells where all the hottest places are and even a
little about them. Not to mention all of the other interesting stories, jokes and pictures. I
love this paper, and I just wanted to let you and the staff know that you are doing a great
job and to keep up the good work.
Thanks for listening and have a great day,
P
To the Valley Planet:
I travel a lot and don’t get your paper every issue. But when I do, I just crack up. You guys
are some of the funniest writers I’ve ever read anywhere. I mean anywhere. Liquid Meat,
Ricky, News of the Weird and all the rest make my plane rides fun. I have even passed
around the paper on the plane after I finish with it. The reason I am writing is that I am so
happy you guys are still printing. I was sure you would have given up by now. I’m glad I
was wrong. I know it’s tough, but keep going. I love it!
Rock on.
B.H.
Hi Jennifer,
Thanks for your Valley Planet column on mountain biking on Monte Sano.  I bought a new
Trek bike and am a beginner, and would like to know what trails you would recommend
starting with.  That is, the less technical ones to get my feet wet.
Thanks for any advice,
D. J.
Madison, AL
Dear Ms. Allison G,
I wanted to write you, as I enjoyed your last article a lot and you seem down to earth. I
have just moved back here after 4 years of working in Auburn, Alabama.
SpiralNfinity
“The Secret” (Adam, Eve & the Tree), Oil on Wood, Dyptich, P.1, 14”x11”, P.2 6”x11”
To Whom it May Concern:
I am writing to you from England, where I live and have recently read the story of 13-yearold Lauren Rainey and the decision to terminate her nursing care by Alabama Medicaid.
And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to
the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did
eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.
Being originally from Australia, I have travelled extensively throughout the world and
have a particular fondness for the United States. Without a doubt, Americans are some of
the kindest, friendly people I have met. I’d even go so far as to say you’re just as nice as us
Aussies! To me, being “American” is all these things and more.
S
However, I am amazed at the decision by Medicaid; to me, this is as “Un-American” as you
can get. America is kind, generous and caring. How can this happen in the country I am
so fond of?
The reason for my letter is to urge you to continue to publicise this story and to ask the
American people to voice their concerns. If Alabama Medicaid wants to act like this, then
maybe, just maybe, the people (with the help of the media) can show them what being
American is all about.
Kind regards,
J. W.
Datchet (Near Windsor)
United Kingdom
We have received tons of emails about Lauren Rainey. We did verify that the story is true. So,
we thought we’d print one of the many emails we’ve received. For more information about
Lauren Rainey’s situation, go to www.wpmi.com and search “lauren.”
hane Young is a self-taught artist born in Nashville, Tenn. He moved to Louisiana
at age eight, and left home at the age of 16 to fulfill his dream of becoming an
artist. Shane lived close to Edgar Degas’ home in New Orleans and found it a great
inspiration to work near the place where Degas and so many others had lived and painted.
Leaving home at such a young age made for an interesting adolescence. Shane earned his
income doing odd jobs and selling drawings and watercolors in the French Quarter. This
ultimately proved to be a great learning experience for the young artist. Shane moved
back to Nashville when he was 20 and became a commercial artist. He later moved to
Huntsville, where his grandfather, Kenneth Young, was an illustrator/painter. Shane is
presently an award-winning senior art director for Durham Advertising in Huntsville and
has been employed there since 1996.
“In my latest work, I try to represent the ambivalence of existence and the modern
predicament. My purpose is to exhibit the age-old struggle between body and soul,
collective and individual, the good versus evil through a modern prism – to show the
individual as sovereign, yet at odds with existence. I regard the natural world as the
source of all understanding and values in art. My work is based upon principles central
to this approach.” Shane Young
To see more of Shane’s work, visit www.shaneyoungstudio.com.
THE VALLEY PLANET
#112504120804
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 21
7
W
ith his band Leftover Salmon on
an indefinite hiatus, founding
member and lead singer Drew
Emmitt delves into his own traditional
bluegrass influences on Dec. 4 at The
Crossroads. With his Nugget mandolin
and full band in tow, Nashville native
Emmitt is enthusiastic about playing the
South. I spoke with Emmitt on the phone
from his home in Crested Butte, Colo.,
about his band’s upcoming Huntsville
performance.
by Jennifer H. Daniel
“Well, I’m from Nashville,” Emmitt said.
“So, I’ll always like the South. But, you
know it’s the best region of the country to
play. The most enthusiastic crowds, great
venues and it’s beautiful.”
Emmitt
understands
and
enjoys
performing, whether to a handful of
fans or playing to a legion of them. With
Leftover Salmon’s faithful following
of roots-jam fanatics, the band is
quite accustomed to playing countless
festivals, shows and other venues — both
small and large. Built to spill since ’89,
the Boulder, Colo., band has a burly
grassroots following. The Leftover
Salmon community has been loyal for 15
years and keeps the band on a rigorous
touring schedule. While we spoke about
the popularity of Leftover Salmon among
the bluegrass and jam band communities,
I reminded Emmitt that Huntsville packs
a house when some good bluegrass comes
knocking on our door.
“Well that’s good to hear!” Emmitt
said. “We’ve got such a following with
Leftover Salmon, but at times, it’s like
starting over. If that’s what it takes, we
go with it. There are so many types
of bluegrass fans, and bluegrass has
diversified quite a bit. We’re hoping to
appeal to all of them.”
DEB presents an appealing blend of
traditional sounds without the jam:
handcrafted mandolin skills, along with
banjo, fiddle, guitar and bass explore a
more traditional, some would say organic,
vibe. Emmitt stands as one of America’s
top mandolin players. He’s got a number
of influences: Lowell George, Steve
Morse, Duane Allman, John Cowan,
Bill Monroe, Sam Bush, Hot Rize and
New Grass Revival. Whew! With such
a discriminating palette of inspiration, I
wanted to know what music Emmitt is
currently digging.
“Mountain Harp is the smokin’ band out
right now,” Emmitt said. “But I’ve been
listening to Jim Lauderdale, the new
Crosby/Nash — which is amazing — Tim
O’Brien, Reeltime Travelers.”
Now, I’m beginning to understand the
Renaissance man. While steeped in deep
bluegrass roots, Emmitt always seems
able to kick it up a notch, down a notch
or bust up the notch altogether. I can’t
help but say that he’s the (Bam!) Emeril
of mountain music. Examine the sound
of Leftover Salmon. While DEB explores
their organic, traditional bluegrass side,
Leftover Salmon is known for their
pioneering, roots-jam, improvisational
drive.
8
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 21
#112504120804
Dubbed as “polyethnic slamgrass,”
Leftover Salmon is known as a bluegrass
force with which to be reckoned.
Polyethnic Slamgrass? Think eclectic,
rock-driven, folksy tunes that meander
down one road and careen down the next.
Gavin Report of Americana Picks
described the Colorado-based band with
an apt explanation of the LS sound:
“... these bastard sons of New Grass
Revival take it a few steps higher with
their original and jammed out blend. …
If you’re looking for some flavor, there’s
nothing like some sweet salmon.”
There’s bluegrass and then there’s
Leftover Salmon. The Boulder band has
been depicted in umpteen ways. Their
sound? Not indescribable, but definitely
difficult to categorize. Deep Southern
roots. Creole funk. Great lyrics. Bitchin’
mandolins and born-again banjos. I can’t
leave out the guitars — there’s a touch of
Greg Allman somewhere in the mix. Most
of all, the Salmon was heavy on the jam
and improvisation.
Emmitt’s new band is much different.
With inspirational lyrics and light
melodies, DEB travels home to tradition
and does it quite well. Fusing new tunes
with material from Emmitt’s 2002
release, Freedom Ride, and collaborating
with John Cowan, DEB charms the ears
with an intelligently composed hybrid
of traditional bluegrass and string
playing. Emmitt plays mandolin and
fiddle, and sings lead vocals. Former
Leftover Salmon bassist Greg Garrison
joins Emmitt, along with Ross Martin on
guitar, and solo artist Matt Flinner, who
contributes on the banjo and mandolin,
too. A little bit country, a little bit of folk
and a whole mess of smokin’ bluegrass.
Put the bells on your toes.
Show starts at 10 p.m. and tickets are $15.
For more information and for tickets, call
The Crossroads at (256) 533-3393 or
check out www.crossroadsmusic.biz.
Jennifer H. Daniel spins to mountain music, sews
her own clothing and hangs with the goats on
Monte Sano. She is known to many as that progressive hippie chick who smells like patchouli. Email
her at [email protected].
THE VALLEY PLANET
in Florence, where he was born, has been
the Nukes drummer since 1998 and is the
other half of the Nukes’ solid backbeat.
Microwave Dave & The Nukes’ blues
apprenticeship included a three-year
stint as Jerry “Boogie” McCain’s backup
band, interspersed with shows backing Bo
Diddley, whose styles are integral flavors
in the band’s recipe.
by Ricky Thomason
Microwave Dave produced Gotta Get
A Cadillac as a cassette release in
1991. The album was re-released and
promoted world-wide on compact disc by
Australia’s Full Moon Records in 1999.
Producer Johnny Sandlin, legendary in
his work with the Allman Brothers Band,
Delbert McClinton and Widespread Panic
among others, recorded the group’s next
release, Goodnight, Dear, for Ice House
(BluesWorks) Records. That 1995 release
propelled the band to Europe when their
cover of Bo Diddley’s “Road Runner”
became a soccer stadium smash in
Paris and subsequently a solid dance hit
across America. Goodnight, Dear was
re-released in Europe as Nothin’ But The
Blues on the Dixie Frog label. Two other
selections from the album appeared in the
film soundtrack of “The Poor & Hungry,”
which has enjoyed broadcast on the
Independent Film Channel.
I
f someone told you for an absolute
fact that you had a priceless, worldclass treasure in your backyard, would
you go dig for it? Thought so.
What if I told you that the treasure isn’t
even buried? It’s hidden in plain sight,
right here in Huntsville. You’d go see to it
before someone stole it from you.
Microwave Dave & The Nukes are
treasured the world over as bluesmen
extraordinaire. For 15 years, Dave and
the Nukes have played to international
acclaim for audiences and blues festivals.
The Huntsville-based blues trio has
garnered numerous awards from their
peers:
“2003 Top Southern Blues Releases:
Atomic Electric, Microwave Dave & The
Nukes.”
“2003 Best Southern Blues Band:
Microwave Dave & The Nukes (tie with
J Lapalme and Roadhouse).”
“2003 Best Southern Blues Guitarist/
Modern: Microwave Dave Gallaher.”
-- Real Blues (Canada), Spring/
Summer 2004
The August 2001 issue of Blues Revue
described Dave like this: “His axe drips
seductive honey. … His taste in covers is
impeccable. If you’re looking for wiry,
tightly-wound, good-time raunch, this’ll
fill you up.”
April 2001’s issue of Living Blues says,
THE VALLEY PLANET
“The distorted guitar and foot stomping
harkens back to the Detroit sounds of a
half century ago.”
Press blurbs alone would take up the rest
of this article – but why believe them
when you have me to swear before you on
all that’s holy in the blues world.
From gut-bucket to boogie, Microwave
Dave & The Nukes crank out the essence
and spirit of the blues in the time-honored
tradition of Bo Diddley, Muddy Waters
and the great bluesmen, bringing visions
of Robert Johnson down on his knees at
the crossroads.
Microwave Dave’s solo CD,
American Peasant, will be
available in limited release at
Dave’s annual Thanksgiving
Throwdown at the Kaffeeklatsch
on Nov. 25. Look for a review of
American Peasant in the next issue
of the Valley Planet, and plan to
attend the CD release party on
Dec. 14, also at the Klatsch.
Rick Godfrey plays bass and neck-rack
harmonica and sings backup vocals in the
band. Rick developed a unique thumband-fingers style that is conceptually his
own. This style was further individualized
by the alternate tuning on his Fender
Telecaster bass to match the lower four
strings of a five-stringed instrument, and
the deeper tones add to the large sonic
footprint of the Nukes.
Alex Skipworth, known as “Skip” to
Nukes fans and as “Hubba” back home
#112504120804
Johnny Sandlin returned to produce
2000’s Wouldn’t Lay My Guitar Down for
Duck Tape Records, on which Microwave
Dave fronted an all-star band of veteran
players from the Muscle Shoals Rhythm
Section, The Amazing Rhythm Aces,
Cowboy, and Little Richard’s band.
The title cut and a swampy cover of
Roosevelt Syke’s “Don’t Care Blues”
became staples on XM Satellite Radio’s
“Bluesville” channel, and “Hat” was later
covered by Little Milton.
Atomic Electric was released on the
Distant Farmer label in 2003 and has
garnered the best critical responses for
the band’s music to date. Atomic Electric
found a home on many blues program
playlists.
Dave and the Nukes stay true to the
heritage of blues in a way that will satisfy
the pickiest. Dave holds a reverence
for the blues. He explained, “Blues is
America’s first — and still best — selfhelp program.”
If you call yourself a blues lover and
haven’t ventured into your backyard to
hear Microwave Dave & The Nukes,
maybe you should take your name off the
blues-loving list.
As good as the group is, Dave’s solo
performances may be better. His set with
the cigar-box slide guitar is guaranteed
to raise chills. It’s enough to make you
wonder if Dave Gallaher didn’t ink the
same contract as Robert Johnson one
dark night down at those Mississippi
crossroads.
Ricky Thomason is a freelance writer from
Huntsville. Email Rick at
[email protected].
Let Ricky know what you think at our forums at
www.valleyplanet.com.
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 21
9
A to Z of the Big D
by Leigh Daniel
QUESTIONS FOR LEIGH???
Email your questions about divorce to
[email protected] or post them on the Valley Planet Forums at
www.valleyplanet.com/forums. If you do not want your question printed in
the Valley Planet, please let Leigh know.
Leigh,
My husband and I have been separated for
about 6 months now and have both agreed
on divorce. There is no battle over assets
and no children to fight for custody over.
We both just basically want to sign what
we need to sign and get on with our lives.
In Madison County, what would be the best
(time and money wise) way to go about
this?
Thank You, Emily
Dear Emily,
It sounds like you need to have a simple,
uncontested divorce prepared and filed
with the court. As for the monetary issues,
you can find an attorney who will prepare
uncontested documents for $500 or less,
plus filing fees. Filing fees are $254. Or
the two of you can certainly try to file the
applicable documents without using an
attorney, but at times, the Circuit Clerk’s
office will send the documents back to you
for completion if you have left out some
crucial information. Divorces are public
record, so you can go to the Madison
County Courthouse Domestic Registrar’s
office on the second floor and ask to see an
uncontested divorce. Once you look at it,
you may find you are able to prepare the
documents without counsel.
The time frame for an uncontested divorce
is approximately 30 days from filing with
the court. There is no time better than any
other for filing, other than there is no time
like the present!
Good luck and be sure and give us a call if
you decide to use an attorney. And thanks
for writing!
Leigh Daniel
I
t is never any fun to lecture, but the
following are some things I have
seen and have learned that I think
are important to making your children’s
holiday special, instead of fraught with
anxiety. As we come to the end of the
year and the holiday season, my practice
is devoted, in large part, to referring
visitation disputes. Nothing can make the
blood boil like a Christmas schedule gone
awry. The courts in our county have a
standard holiday schedule that allows one
parent to get the first week of Christmas
break and the other parent to get the
next week of the break. Of course, this
sometimes doesn’t bode well for holiday
plans. This is one of the consequences
of your divorce, and you should learn
to live with it. While I know all parents
want to spend time with their children
at the holidays, sometimes it seems they
forget to enjoy the time and instead spend
it fighting over pick up, delivery and days
of visitation.
If you don’t have your children for the
time you want to celebrate with your
extended family, then try having a
Since 1995, Leigh Daniel has been devoted to
giving quality legal representation and service
with the benefits of empathy and caring. She strives
to make your legal experience a positive one. As
an Advocate for Positive Change, she will work
diligently to achieve this!
different time for your children to spend
time with them. Instead of being unhappy
because you don’t have Christmas Eve,
make a new tradition for your children.
It can be double the fun for them, if you
don’t make a big deal out of which days
you have visitation. If there are school
holiday activities, try not to let your
animosity for your ex interfere with your
participation. Children like to see parents
at least acting as if they can stand each
other. I have heard parents say they will
not attend school or church functions if
the other parent is going to be present.
Please, again, remember why you are
going. It is not to hurl venomous looks
at your ex.
One more issue that divorced parents
seem to have is discussing child support
in relation to gifts at the holidays. I beg
you, do not tell your children they will not
get what they want for Christmas because
“Daddy left us” or “He has a new family
now” or “I spent all my money paying
child support” or “If she would pay the
support she was supposed to, I could
afford Christmas gifts.” Do not mention
child support to your children at all, but
certainly do not associate Christmas giftgiving issues with your support, either
because you have to pay it or because you
feel you are not getting adequate support.
Do you see a theme yet? Christmas
is for celebrating and for having a
festive, good time. It is not a platform
for making complaints against your
ex or soon-to-be-ex spouse. Put up the
tree, bake some cookies, sing some
carols and, above all, be thankful for
the time you have with your children,
whether it is on your timing or not!
“No representation is made that the quality of legal services to be performed is greater
than the quality of legal services performed by other lawyers.”
10
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 21
#112504120804
THE VALLEY PLANET
Adventures of a
Yankee Down South
Christmas
& Anniversary
Open House
for Huntsville’s
Oldest,
Yet Newest,
Theatre
Organization!
by Karen Bertiger
The
I
am exhausted. I am covered in goop,
my back aches, my hair is a matted
mess, my hands are cramped to
uselessness, and I look like hell.
No, I am not the mother of a newborn.
I just finished carving our Halloween
pumpkin.
Two hours into my intricately detailed,
haunted-house carving, I came to my
senses — the pain in my left hand is what
did it — and wondered what the hell I
was thinking. But by then it was too late.
I couldn’t put half a haunted house out for
the kiddies to enjoy; I would get hate mail
for the rest of the year. So, I plundered on
and, in the meantime, simultaneously and
unwittingly completed my “disheveled
housewife” costume.
Turns out it was nearly all in vain because
we had only four trick-or-treaters.
Back in New York, we didn’t get many
kids because the front doors to all the
apartment buildings were locked and
impenetrable (one hoped). So, in an effort
to keep out the riff-raff, we also alienated
ourselves from a truly enjoyable tradition.
Instead of trick-or-treating, Halloween
lovers got half naked, sprayed themselves
with glitter, threw on elaborate showgirlslike sequined and feathered headpieces,
and paraded through Chelsea in 30 degree
weather. And those were just the men.
I found this terribly amusing and most
certainly entertaining, but it just wasn’t
the same as my childhood Halloweens.
Now that I was back in suburbia, I was
truly looking forward to a real Halloween.
I envisioned myself the Cool Lady on the
block, the one who gives out handfuls of
“fun size” candy bars rather than this new,
micro-sized candy “bite” they’ve come
up with recently.
(A quick aside, a soliloquy, if you will, on
this new micro size — which, if the old
Halloween candy bar was called “fun”
size, must be the “delirious with ecstasy”
size. The micro size is simply unAmerican. Americans enjoy Super Size
everything. It doesn’t matter if we can
consume the serving within our lifetimes
or not — we want it BIG. We want
everything BIG, and for the most part,
the entire consumer economy supports
us in this, as evidenced by French fry
portions that no longer fit through
those little windows at the drive-thru.
SO WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH THE
CANDY PEOPLE? Why is chocolate the
only thing getting smaller? I have to stop
now, or I’ll be too emotional to continue
this column.)
THE VALLEY PLANET
Anyway, in my fantasy, the kids would
pass each other on the street and throw
meaningful advice at one another, as we
used to do when we were kids, along
the lines of, “Don’t go to that house —
they’re giving out toothpaste,” or “That
lady is giving out REAL size Hershey’s!”
And in these conversations, my house
would feature prominently, reverently,
as they whispered to each other, “She
gives out whole handfuls of the really
good stuff, and there weren’t ANY dumdums in her bowl at all!” And then all the
children in the neighborhood, after they
had completed their rounds, would vote
me Best Lady on the Block, carry me
down the street on their shoulders, and
vow never to egg my house again.
Well, okay, perhaps that was a tad
unrealistic, but the point is, I was very
much looking forward to being generous
on Halloween. But we only got four
kids. Four. Kids. I can only assume that
the trend that had begun when I left
suburbia seven years ago has increased in
momentum to the point that by next year,
trick-or-treating will be a suburban myth.
When I have children, I will gather them
’round on Halloween night and tell them
fantastic tales of when I was a child and
my parents would dress me up and take
me door to door around the neighborhood,
when perfect strangers would each give
me a piece of candy, and at the end of
the night, I would have a pillowcase full
of candy that was all mine! And they will
roll their eyes at me and think, “Mom’s
been into the wine again,” and ask if they
can go email on their blackberries now.
I understand that we must protect our
children, but it really pisses me off that
a few crazies out there have ruined this
tradition for everyone. It is truly a shame
that one day soon children will no longer
know the joy of roaming the streets after
dark, dressed as their favorite hero or
as something to make the girls scream,
committing silly little acts of vandalism
all in good fun, and eating so much
chocolate they puke in your flower bed.
W
hen Theatre Huntsville opens
the office doors on Sunday,
Dec. 12, it will be celebrating
not only Christmas but the anniversaries
of the two companies that combined
almost a decade ago to form the current
troupe: Twickenham Repertory Company
and Huntsville Little Theatre.
“This season marks a milestone in
our organization, which we refer to as
Huntsville’s oldest, yet newest, theater
group,” said Jim Zielinski, Theatre
Huntsville president.
Coincidentally, the 2004–2005 theater
season embraces both the 25th
anniversary of “Twick” and the 55th
anniversary of “Hultee.” Said Theatre
Huntsville Secretary Heather Huber,
“As one of our members put it, we’re ‘70
years in the making.’”
“I guess the stars have all aligned … only
they’re on stage,” added Zielinski. But
while the company celebrates, they’re
also retraining everyone, so to speak.
“Many people are still unaware of the
merger, although we are in the midst of
our eighth season!”
Thus, the community outreach pulls
multiple duties and then some.
In
addition to the anniversary-holiday
festivities, the company will be banking
on the public to reinforce its history,
providing a chance to add to the archives
of all three organizations. Former, current
and future members are invited to drop
by and bring their old programs, photos,
posters, videos or other memorabilia
they’d care to donate … some of which
will eventually find its way into the online archives of the company’s website.
Art by W. Todd Phillips
But most importantly, there will
also be an occasion for — surprise!
— Christmas shopping. Theater tickets
make spectacular stocking stuffers!
Theatre Huntsville continues its “Season
of Laughs” with “Fuddy Meers” in
January, running through July when
“The Foreigner” rounds out the hilarious
season. Flex Books and individual tickets
will be available at the affair, as will
membership forms for those ready to
join in the fun! Flex Books are particular
favorites, since the recipient can use
each of four certificates for any given
performance of the show of their choice
— a “goof-proof” present!
The festivities take place at the Theatre
Huntsville Office at 1701 University
Drive, N.W., on the corner at Church
Street. Look for door prizes, munchies,
fellowship and “A Stroll Down Memory
Lane.”
For information and invitations, call (256)
536-0807; contact committee members
Zielinski, Huber, Jeannette Chaney, Matt
Growden, Nicole Shelton, Camille Scales,
Pat Blackman or Beverly Denzenberg; or
visit www.theatrehsv.org.
Happy holidays from Theatre Huntsville!
Those were the days.
Karen Bertiger is a
transplanted New Yorker in
a Huntsville state of mind.
Email Karen at
karen.bertiger@valleypla
net.com
#112504120804
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 21
11
Audio Observations by Matt Wake
Like A Thief in the Night
Congratulations brainwashed Bible bangers! You’ve won four more years of George
W. Bush, who was doing keg stands and eight-balls when John Kerry was up to his
neck in Viet Cong. But wait, this is a music column. Kids, keep a sharp eye on your
First Amendment rights. With a right-wing president, House and Senate, we’ll have
diminished separation of church and state. Conservatives have tried to ban the
music of many greats, from Elvis Presley to Jane’s Addiction. Hell, Dubya’s father
endorsed the censorship of edgy movies and music that he admittedly hadn’t seen
or heard. Now that Wal-Mart sells 20 percent of all CDs in the United States, the
corporate giant is using its leverage to increasingly pressure music labels to clean up
song lyrics and art work. And the record companies, being the green paper whores
that they are, bow down to the discount king. Just as the Vietnam era gave us rock ‘n’
roll’s greatest artists, we can look forward to four years of rock renaissance to go with
the growing pile of dead bodies in Iraq. That is, if your reverend and Wal-Mart let you
hear the music.
The Grand Canyon is Coming to Town
B.B. King sits at the Mount Olympus of blues, and on Sunday, Dec. 19, he’ll be at the
VBC Concert Hall. The septuagenarian is still a fluid and lyrical guitarist and one of
the most influential blues men of all time. He begat the British Holy Trinity (Clapton,
Beck and Page), was covered by Hendrix (“Rock Me, Baby”), and has been on the road
since the days of Moses. Every guitarist should study Mr. King’s sexy vibrato, smooth
bends and melodic phrasing. Now that John Lee Hooker is gone, B.B. is the last
living connection to the salad days of electric blues. We would all like to see more
world class acts coming to Huntsville. Well, here is a pivotal figure in American music
coming to your own backyard.
Still Stoned
With the Nov. 2 release of Live Licks, the Rolling Stones have delivered their first
essential concert recording in 22 years. Their recent live albums, like No Security and
Flashpoint, have been quick-cash afterthoughts. However, the two-disc Licks harkens
back to must-haves like Get Your Ya-Ya’s Out, Love You Live and Still Life. Though the
band no longer performs with syringes hanging out of their arms, their music retains
an astounding amount of grit. Keith Richards’ open-G Telecaster cuts through the
mix like a rusty razor on his signature tune, “Happy.” The eastern influence in “Street
Fighting Man” and “Paint It Black” is revived courtesy of Ronnie Wood’s electric sitar
blips. And of course, Mick Jagger is still Mick Jagger, bellowing out the classics on
disc one in his brown yowl. Disc two offers up a collection of 12 obscurities and
covers. “Monkey Man” and “Can’t You Hear Me Knocking,” heard here for the first time
on a Stones live recording, drip with voodoo as drummer Charlie Watts leads the
band on gris-gris jams. Wood and Richards out-punk the punks with their six-string
collisions on “Rocks Off” and “When the Whip Comes Down.” And if you aren’t moved
by Jagger’s prickly plea on “That’s How Strong My Love Is,” that’s your problem, not
mine. The Glimmer Twins are currently writing songs for a 2005 studio release. Let’s
hope they further explore the dirty feel of Live Licks. Enlisting an edgy producer (e.g.,
Rick Rubin or Jack White) who isn’t a “yes” man would serve Mick and Keith’s fourth
act well.
by Matt Wake
V
elvet Revolver set fire to
Birmingham’s
Boutwell
Auditorium,
delivering
an
incendiary set to 3,000 foaming fans. This
concert easily surpassed the performances
of the mythical bands whose ex-members
now comprise VR. While Guns N’ Roses
and Stone Temple Pilots were both
dangerous live acts, Velvet Revolver
played more like hungry 18-year-olds
than spoiled, leather-clad icons.
Scott Weiland was in fine voice and
prowled the stage like the love child
of David Bowie and Iggy Pop. He
has emerged from being rock’s most
maligned persona to become perhaps the
best frontman this side of Mick Jagger.
The band played nine tracks from their
volatile debut record, Contraband. These
live versions smoked the studio cuts,
particularly the opening two numbers,
“Sucker Train Blues” and “Do It For
the Kids,” which benefited from the
rawness of a live show. Slash pulled
endless black-shadow bends from a fleet
of guitars; his performance was both
flawless and out of control. His solo
on “Superhuman” exploded over the
rabid Birmingham crowd like lava into
an ocean. Counterpoint guitar work by
Dave Kushner filled in any cracks in VR’s
gigantic sound.
The group encored twice, initially
delivering a sing-a-long version of “Used
To Love Her” and a joyous run through
the ancient Aerosmith tune “No More,
No More.” During the former, Slash
and Weiland sat on the edge of the stage,
like brothers playing country-blues.
The smiles that VR emitted throughout
their set were obviously musically, not
chemically, induced. After another brief
disappearance into darkness, the band
reappeared to play the aforementioned
“Mr. Brownstone.” Finally, they closed
with a devastating version of their first
single, “Slither.” The sweaty rockers
bathed in applause and left their stage
arm in arm. The crowd oozed out of
the auditorium, dazed from the show’s
volume and ferocity. Though it’s way
too soon to tell, Velvet Revolver has the
potential for a greater legacy than the
legendary groups which have provided
its stars.
The fans were way into the show,
gyrating to the band’s Los Angeles
grind and showering them with Southern
hospitality. This was a perversely diverse
audience, from graying heavy-metal
dudes to doe-eyed pubescent chicks and
all types in between. Of course, the GNR
and STP tunes worked both the crowd and
musicians into a lather. It’s hardly a stretch
for Weiland to sing the line, “Shot it in the
middle / It drove me out of my mind,”
from the Appetite for Destruction classic,
“Mr. Brownstone.” And conversely, Slash
shook his famous frock the hardest when
the band rolled out “Sex Type Thing”
from Core. Velvet Revolver’s own smash
hit, “Fall To Pieces,” rose from daydream
echoes to a stratospheric coda and gave
the little girls what they bought a ticket
for.
Bassist Duff McKagan and drummer Matt
Sorum supplied a throbbing backbone
and spot-on background vocals all
12
night. Witnessing Sorum’s Bonham-like
showing on the skins makes it easy to
laugh at fanatics who wax nostalgically
for original Guns drummer Steven Adler.
It’s also a relief to see McKagan transcend
from his bloated corpse appearance on
the Use Your Illusion tour to his current
Olympian physique and greatly improved
bass lines.
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 21
#112504120804
Matt Wake was a freelance writer and musician
in Huntsville, but now he works here. Email your
comments to Matt at [email protected].
THE VALLEY PLANET
Calendar of Events
November 25 - December 11, 2004
THE DOCKS, Scottsboro Sam & John - Country,
Southern Rock
THE END ZONE T.A. Miller, Pat & Curtis. 8 pm
THE STATION, Madison Live Music by Kozmic
Mama - Get On the Scene with an R&B Rockin
Machine. 8 p.m. Karaoke room open every night!
TWILIGHT ZONE, Guntersville Duane Walker and
the Desperado Band
WAREHOUSE BAR & BILLIARDS Dance - DJ
SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 27
11th FRAME BAR Karaoke
801 FRANKLIN Dave McConnell,“The Sinatra Guy”
ADRIAN’S, Guntersville Lynam
AMERICAN LEGION #237 HDK Karaoke Contest!
BENCHWARMER Southern Gun
BENCHWARMER TOO Government Warning
BLUE PARROT, Guntersville Mike & Barry
BOBBY G’s, Henderson Rd Gryphon
BOBBY G’s, Mem. Pkwy Karaoke
CASA BLANCA, Browns Ferry, Madison Edgar Acoustic & Percussion Duo
COPPER TOP BAR & GRILL Hot Rod Otis
MUSIC
THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 25
3rd BASE GRILL Edgar - Acoustic & Percussion
Duo (after college football)
BENCHWARMER Thong Thursdays! DJ/Dance Get in free until 10pm if you show your thong or
have a UAH or Calhoun ID.
BENCHWARMER TOO Karaoke
BOBBY G’s, Henderson Rd Tunedoctors Karaoke
DUGOUT SPORTS BAR, Decatur Karaoke
GOAL POST King Karaoke 7 p.m.
HALFTIME BAR & GRILL Karaoke with Anita Lynn
Palmer. Come and sing on the biggest Karaoke
stage in the Huntsville/Madison area! 8 pm
HOPPER’S, Holiday Inn Rudy Mockabee and the
Music Company
HUMPHREY’S Shortbus - Slide down the turkey
chute with Shortbus and their funk reward as they
take you through the history of olde tyme Funk &
Rock & Roll!! Be ready to dance that jellyroll right
off of your belly!! See you on the Patio.
JAZZ FACTORY The Crackerjacks
KAFFEEKLATSCH @Night Microwave Dave and
the Nukes 14th Annual Thanksgiving Throwdown.
9pm, $5.
MARTINI’S, Ramada, Madison Karaoke Party!
PHILBY’S POURHOUSE Donnie Cox
SANDY’S ROADHOUSE, Guntersville Free
Thanksgiving Dinner 4 pm. Karaoke w/Sandy. 8
pm
SPORTS PAGE 5ive O’Clock Charlie
THE CORNER HAPPY THANKSGIVING! We will be
open Thanksgiving Night.
THE CORNER, Hampton Cove Open
Thanksgiving Night
THE CROSSROADS Toy Shop
THE STATION, Madison Live Music - TBA. Karaoke
room open every night!
FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 26
3RD BASE GRILL Robby Hutto
801 FRANKLIN Marsha Morgan, 8-11pm. With
roots in gospel and country, and influences from
artists like Bonnie Raitt, Stevie Nicks and Carol
King, her music has a blues, folk-rock flavor.
THE VALLEY PLANET
ADRIAN’S, Guntersville Browns Creek
BENCHWARMER Lampwick
BOBBY G’s, Henderson Rd Gryphon
BOBBY G’s, Mem. Pkwy Ben & David
COPPER TOP BAR & GRILL Live music - TBA
DUGOUT SPORTS BAR, Decatur Live music - TBA
ESQUIRE 2000 HDK Karaoke Contest!
FINNEGAN’S PUB Nancy Maria-Luce at the piano
FURNITURE FACTORY Reddletters
GOAL POST Bob Mills and the Backfield in Motion
GREEN DOOR BOOKS, Athens Barry Kay Acoustic guitar and vocals, a wide variety of music
in the James Taylor/Jim Croce mold. 6-8 pm
HALFTIME BAR & GRILL Local Honey
HARD DOCK CAFÉ, Decatur Iguana Party
Music Company
HUMPHREY’S Minivan Blues Band - Back on
Humphrey’s heated winter patio Wonderland
(great movie, btw) with some of the coolest jams
to touch Huntsville’s ears, Minivan Blues Band is a
sure thing! Don’t miss it.
JAZZ FACTORY Marjorie Loveday (Martini Room);
The Swing Shift (Dining Room)
KAFFEEKLATSCH @Night Electric Voodoo
LICK SKILLET MUSIC BARN, Hazel GreenTina
Jackson & the Country Gold Band
MARTINI’S, Ramada, Madison Karaoke
MOODY MONDAYS HDK Karaoke Contest!
OL’ BREWTAHN TAVERN 5ive O’Clock Charlie
PHILBY’S POURHOUSE Hashbrown
ROCKABILLY’S The Blues Bombers - Brandon & Nick
SAMMY T’s U.S.
SANDY’S ROADHOUSE, Guntersville Early-Bird
Karaoke with Sue at 6. Karaoke w/Sandy, 9 pm
SHAKERS, Decatur Red Eye 5
SPORTS PAGE Pla’ Station
T-BIRD’S CAFÉ Edgar - Acoustic & Percussion
Duo. 8 pm
THE BRICK, Decatur Bishop Black
THE CORNER Dave Anderson – Voted Best
Musician by Valley Planet readers, plays Electric &
Acoustic, Rock, Alternative & Originals
THE CORNER, Hampton Cove Tom Cremeens –
Electric Rock and Alternative
THE CROSSROADS Whitey Herzogs opening for
Eyes Around
#112504120804
HALFTIME BAR & GRILL Borderline
HARD DOCK CAFÉ, Decatur Blue Flame
Music Company
HUMPHREY’S Shortbus - Take a pre-Christmas
ride with the dudes back to the ‘70s and on into
the ‘80s, then back to the ‘60s and over to the
‘90s... See ya
JAZZ FACTORY Jerry McAllister - Acoustic Blues
(Martini Room)
KAFFEEKLATSCH @Night Shametown featuring
Alan Little, Jay Wilson and David Schrimsher
LICK SKILLET MUSIC BARN, Hazel Green
Tammy Lee - Country Music, 7pm, $6
OL’ BREWTAHN TAVERN Tom Cremeens
PHILBY’S POURHOUSE Reddletters
SAMMY T’s The Velcro Pygmies
Continued on Page 14
Chris Duarte Group
Humphrey’s, December 2, 9:15 p.m.
The world needs more Hendrix / Stevie Ray
clones like Fox needs another reality show.
Though the twin towers of the Stratocaster are
definitely influences on Mr. Duarte, they are not
his only ones. Coltrane, Miles, and even Kurt
Cobain, also bleed from his fingers. Duarte
has been a fixture on the Austin, Texas, music
scene for over 20 years. The CDG arrives in
Huntsville fresh from a recent tour of Europe.
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 21
13
MUSIC
Continued From Page 13
SPORTS PAGE Black Label - Voted by Valley Planet
readers as one of the top three Rock Bands of
2003, this high octane musical machine (with
heart) performing favorite radio rock covers from
yesterday thru today, as well as their own brand of
hard rockin’ originals. BLACK-LABEL.com
THE BRICK, Decatur Captain Soular Cat
THE CORNER Toy Shop - Antony, Andrew and
Jim play everyone’s favorite Rock, Alternative and
Original tunes.
THE CORNER, Hampton Cove Dave Anderson Electric & Acoustic, Rock, Alternative & Originals
THE CROSSROADS Iratowns
THE DOCKS, Scottsboro Marsha Morgan
THE STATION, Madison Live Music by PUSH - A
great band with great fun. The best of the ‘70s
through today. Karaoke room open every night!
TWILIGHT ZONE, Guntersville Duane Walker and
the Desperado Band
VFW POST 2702 HDK Karaoke Contest!
WAREHOUSE BAR & BILLIARDS Noel Webster
WILD FLOUR BISTRO Greg Chambers, Keith Taylor,
Dave McConnell, Jim Cavender or Michael Thomas
- Jazz & Blues. 6:30-10pm. Call to see who’s on!
SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 28
BENCHWARMER Freestyle Faceoff
BENCHWARMER TOO Karaoke & Foxy Lady
Contest
FLYING MONKEY ARTS CENTER The Escape
Engine, Drag Down First, $6, 8 pm
GOAL POST King Karaoke 7 pm
HALFTIME BAR & GRILL Borderline, 5-9 pm
HOPPER’s, Holiday Inn Karaoke
HUMPHREY’S Tom Cremeens - Enjoy Sunday
night at Humphrey’s while taking in some
fabulously modern rock-n-roll via Sir Tom
Cremeens. Have a drink, make jokes, listen to
Cheap Trick. Have a drink, make a pass and listen
to The Rolling Stones. Have a drink make a mess,
and listen to Pink Floyd. Rinse, repeat.
JAZZ FACTORY Jazz Jam Session
KAFFEEKLATSCH @Night Blues Jam - 15 years
strong!
ROCKABILLY’S Biker Sunday! Live Music
SPORTS PAGE Robby Hutto
THE CORNER Sunday Evening Jam Session
hosted by Scott Morgan
THE CROSSROADS Movie Night (6pm)
Music by New Left Feat: Kyle Cook of Matchbox
20 (10 pm)
THE STATION, Madison Live Music by Zack
Hacker. Karaoke room open every night!
JAZZ FACTORY Live Music - TBA
SANDY’S ROADHOUSE, Guntersville Karaoke
w/Sandy. 8 pm
T-BIRD’S CAFÉ Live Entertainment
TERRY’S PIZZA, N Pkwy HDK Karaoke Contest!
THE BRICK, Decatur Tim Tucker
THE CORNER Marjorie Loveday – Keyboard &
Acoustic Rock and Folk.
THE CORNER, Hampton Cove Live Music - TBA
THE CROSSROADS Dave Anderson
THE STATION Live Music by Kozmic Mama - 711pm. Get On the Scene with an R&B Rockin
Machine. Karaoke room open every night!
TWILIGHT ZONE, Guntersville Midweek StressRelief Dance Party! - DJ
WAREHOUSE BAR & BILLIARDS DJ - Dance
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 2
ADRIAN’S, Guntersville Live Music - TBA
BOBBY G’s, Mem. Pkwy Karaoke with Carole
COPPER TOP BAR & GRILL Live music - TBA
GOAL POST King Karaoke 7 pm
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 29
HOPPER’S, Holiday Inn Karaoke
HUMPHREY’S Glenn & Libba - We hope that you
are enjoying Glenn and Libba visiting us on the
weeknights. They sure are talented. Don’t forget
to watch for their band, The Cast, in the next few
months. Great stuff. Here comes Birmingham…
JAZZ FACTORY Marjorie Loveday
KAFFEEKLATSCH @Night Acoustic showcase
open mic hosted by Greg Rowell
PEANUT FACTORY HDK Karaoke Contest!
w/Sue. 6 pm
THE CROSSROADS Open Mic
TWILIGHT ZONE, Guntersville Karaoke with
Rodney
TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 30
BENCHWARMER Karaoke, Pool & Darts
BOBBY G’s, Henderson Rd Ben & David
COPPER TOP BAR & GRILL HDK Karaoke Contest!
HUMPHREY’S Microwave Dave - Solo Perfect!
When you kick off the holidays with Dave’s
nuclear-powered electric solo show, you can’t go
wrong! This dude’s got some hot licks, man! See
you there.
JAZZ FACTORY Dave McConnell “The Sinatra Guy”
SANDY’S ROADHOUSE, Guntersville Jam
Session. 7 pm
SPORTS PAGE Donnie Cox
THE CORNER Scott Morgan - Acoustic Rock - ‘60s
to current.
THE STATION, Madison Live Music by Chad
Reeves. Karaoke room open every night!
TWILIGHT ZONE, Guntersville Karaoke with D.W.
WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 1
3RD BASE GRILL 5ive O’Clock Charlie
BENCHWARMER Amateur Poker Night, followed
by DJ Dave
FURNITURE FACTORY The Scratch Band
Music Company
HUMPHREY’S Motor City Josh - Holy %&$#! This
is one of the hottest shows in the nation! Josh
Ford grabs audiences by the neck, wrings them
through a wild rollercoaster ride and doesn’t let
go until the fat lady sings! You miss this show and
your holiday season might seem a tad drearier.
Don’t do it! Take Thursday off! You’ll need to
because...
14
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 21
#112504120804
THE VALLEY PLANET
Music Company
HUMPHREY’S Chris Duarte - Good God! The
weekend hasn’t started yet, and we’ve already
worn you out with a weekend’s worth of music.
But we know you’re strong. You can take it! Get
on down here and rock out with one of the
most incendiary blues artists of all time. We’ll
try to take it easy on you through the rest of the
weekend...not! Psych!
ROCKABILLY’S Open Mic with Freddie Faust
SAMMY T’s Afroman with Poptart Monkees
w/Sandy. 8 pm
THE BRICK, Decatur Live Music - TBA
THE CORNER Tom Cremeens – Electric Rock and
THE VALLEY PLANET
Alternative
THE CORNER, Hampton Cove Weinstock Acoustic duo, Neeve & Dave, strum soft rock, folk
and alternative tunes.
THE DOCKS, Scottsboro Trey & Kenny
THE STATION, Madison Live Music TBA. Karaoke
$50 Contest
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 3
801 FRANKLIN Krystal & Phillip, 8-11pm
BENCHWARMER Reddletters
BLUE PARROT, Guntersville 5ive O’Clock Charlie
BOBBY G’s, Henderson Rd Peacemaker
#112504120804
COPPER TOP BAR & GRILL Hot Rod Otis
DUGOUT SPORTS BAR, Decatur Live Music - TBA
FURNITURE FACTORY Ricky Ray and Sapphire
Jackson
HALFTIME BAR & GRILL Live Music - TBA
HARD DOCK CAFÉ, Decatur Hot Mixx
Music Company
HUMPHREY’S Humphrey’s All Stars - Well, it’s
about time! Where have these cats been? Some
of them have been recording their CDs, some
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 21
have been on the road, and some have just been
chillin’! Get down to Humphrey’s fine, heated
patio and cut the rug with Humphrey’s All Stars
- tonight!!
LICK SKILLET MUSIC BARN, Hazel Green Tina
OL’ BREWTAHN TAVERN Drivin South
PHILBY’S POURHOUSE Rag Doll
SAMMY T’s Poptart Monkees
SHAKERS, Decatur Live Music - TBA
SPORTS PAGE Witchdoctor’s Opera
Duo. 8 pm
THE BRICK, Decatur 3 Hour Tour
THE CORNER, Hampton Cove Lisa Busler - You
know her, you love her, come listen to the best
rock, folk and originals in town!
15
’s
O
H
C
R
A
N
A
DR
Rx for Old Stuff That Don’t Suck
There are times when the
magic is right for bands, when
they get just the right crowd,
and everyone’s clicking to make a
live performance that will live for
the ages. The Allman Bros. Live at
Fillmore East is an example of such
lightning in a bottle. I’m sure you
can name several of your own if you
are into “live” recordings at all. Some
people aren’t. They want all the hits
to sound just like the CD. These are
also the dumb-asses that are quite
content to pay a C-note for a ticket
to go watch Janet Jackson, Madonna
and “Madonna-lite” (Britney) hop
around onstage and lip-synch for an
evening. Personally, if I pay, I want to
see them play, and there is urgency
and soul captured in a good live set
that can never be caught in a studio.
That’s why this issue’s Rx for Old Stuff
That Don’t Suck is Deep Purple’s
Made in Japan.
This album, originally released in
1972, was remastered to CD in 1998,
not nearly soon enough. It is high on
energy, with all songs faster, longer,
harder and deeper (can you beat that?) than the studio versions, with wonderfully
improvised solos by Ritchie Blackmore, Jon Lord and Ian Paice.
Ian Gillan’s vocals are amazing, with a raspiness that comes from successive nights of
performances like this one. You feel he’s given all.
On Made in Japan, Deep Purple indulged in some great long-form jams, reaching into
the 10-minute range.
Next to “Smoke on the Water,” probably the best known cut off this album is “Space
Truckin’,” an absolute throbbing rocker but no better than “Highway Star” or “Lazy,” for
my money. There’s a reason this is regarded by many as one of hard rock’s cornerstone
live recordings. It’s that good.
Some critics argue that Made in Japan started the trend of live albums as a part of a
catalog. Great live recordings have been released by the Band and others like Thin
Lizzy, Peter Frampton, etc., but few can match the raw power and consistency of this
masterwork.
The remastered version has an additional CD, containing the encore tracks from the
three performances in Osaka and Tokyo, but is also more expensive. The original vinyl
version was a twin set, and there wasn’t a dud on either disc.
Made in Japan is one of those live works that makes the true headbangers look back
and say,“I wish I could have been there for that one night.” Of course, some of us were
there, I’m told, and had a great time, I heard. If you remember what you did back then,
you probably didn’t have very much fun.
Still, an album like Made in Japan can almost trigger cognitive moments. I’m pretty
sure that if I had been in the audience, I’d always remember it. In fact, if I get
Alzheimer’s, it’ll probably be one of the last things I forget.
Disc 1:
1. Highway Star    
2. Child in Time    
3. Smoke on the Water    
4. Mule (Drum Solo)    
5. Strange Kind of Woman    
6. Lazy    
7. Space Truckin’   
Disc 2:
1. Black Night    
2. Speed King    
3. Lucille
[email protected]
16
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 21
#112504120804
THE VALLEY PLANET
MUSIC
THE CROSSROADS Old Union
THE DOCKS, Scottsboro Live Music - TBA
TWILIGHT ZONE, Guntersville Rodney & Louise
WAREHOUSE BAR & BILLIARDS Live Music - TBA
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 4
801 FRANKLIN Greg Chambers & Keith Taylor Jazz on the piano & saxophone. 8-11pm
BENCHWARMER Lonesome Moe
BENCHWARMER TOO Loaded Dice
BLUE PARROT, Guntersville Tom Cremeens
– Electric Rock and Alternative with guest Jeff
Everett
BOBBY G’s, Henderson Rd Peacemaker
CASA BLANCA, Hwy 72 Madison, Edgar Acoustic & Percussion Duo
COPPER TOP BAR & GRILL The Crawlers
DUGOUT SPORTS BAR, Decatur Live Music - TBA
FLYING MONKEY ARTS CENTER Northstar, Call
the Medic, $6, 10 pm
HARD DOCK CAFÉ, Decatur Lodestone
Music Company
HUMPHREY’S Hot Rod Otis - Get down to some
good ol’ rock-n-roll and some Texas blues as Hot
Rod Otis bounces a few notes off your ears! Yell,
“ZZ Top!!” and see what happens..
LICK SKILLET MUSIC BARN, Hazel Green Tammy
Lee - Country Music, 7pm, $6
OL’ BREWTAHN TAVERN Tom Cremeens
PHILBY’S POURHOUSE Live Music - TBA
SAMMY T’s Sold Out! (THAT’S THE NAME OF THE
BAND)
SPORTS PAGE Bone Dry
THE BRICK, Decatur Gary Nichols Band
THE CORNER Lisa Busler - If you haven’t heard
Lisa, you’re missing out on some of the best local
rock, alternative and original tunes.
THE CORNER, Hampton Cove Scott Morgan - All
around good guy, and darn good guitarist. Scott
plays a variety of rock and alternative.
THE CROSSROADS Drew Emmitt of Leftover
Salmon
THE STATION, Madison Live Music by PUSH - A
great band with great fun. The best of the ‘70s
through today. Karaoke room open every night!
TWILIGHT ZONE, Guntersville Rodney & Louise
WILD FLOUR BISTRO Greg Chambers, Keith
Taylor, Dave McConnell, Jim Cavender or Michael
Thomas - Jazz & Blues. 6:30-10 pm. Call to see
who’s on!
SUNDAY, DECEMBER 5
BENCHWARMER Freestyle Faceoff
BENCHWARMER TOO Karaoke & Foxy Lady
Contest
JAZZ FACTORY Jazz Jam Session
KAFFEEKLATSCH @Night Blues Jam - 15 years
strong!
ROCKABILLY’S Biker Sunday! Live Music
SPORTS PAGE Robby Hutto
THE CORNER Sunday Evening Jam Session
hosted by Scott Morgan
THE CROSSROADS Firewood
THE STATION, Madison Live Music by Zack
Hacker. Karaoke room open every night!
MONDAY, DECEMBER 6
KAFFEEKLATSCH @Night Acoustic showcase
open mic hosted by Greg Rowell
PEANUT FACTORY HDK Karaoke Contest!
w/Sue. 6 pm
THE VALLEY PLANET
THE CROSSROADS Open Mic
TWILIGHT ZONE, Guntersville Karaoke with
Rodney
TUESDAY, DECEMBER 7
BENCHWARMER Karaoke, Pool & Darts
BOBBY G’s, Henderson Rd Ben & David
COPPER TOP BAR & GRILL HDK Karaoke Contest!
HUMPHREY’S Microwave Dave - Solo Atomic,
electric nuclear-powered eclectic, frenetic,
superb, outstanding, animated, fundamentally &
unequivocally unsurpassed, outrageous, fantastic,
extraordinary energetic, diversified and as full–
flavored as this description. See you there.
SANDY’S ROADHOUSE, Guntersville Jam
Session. 7 pm
SPORTS PAGE Donnie Cox
THE CORNER Irish Night - authentic Celtic music
by “Good Fortune”
w/Sandy. 8 pm
THE BRICK, Decatur Chad Reeves
THE CORNER Weinstock - Neeve & Dave play soft
rock, folk and alternative
THE CORNER, Hampton Cove Tom Cremeens
– Electric Rock and Alternative
THE DOCKS, Scottsboro Trey & Kenny
THE STATION, Madison Live Music - TBA. Karaoke
- $50 Contest
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 10
3RD BASE GRILL Mike Robertson 9 pm
801 FRANKLIN Marsha Morgan, 8-11pm. With
roots in gospel and country, and influences from
artists like Bonnie Raitt, Stevie Nicks and Carol
King, her music has a blues, folk-rock flavor.
BENCHWARMER The Crawlers
BOBBY G’s, Henderson Rd N-2-It
COPPER TOP BAR & GRILL Microwave Dave
FURNITURE FACTORY Lipstick
HARD DOCK CAFÉ, Decatur Short Bus - For the
WEDNESDAY,DECEMBER 8
3RD BASE GRILL 5ive O’Clock Charlie
BENCHWARMER Amateur Poker Night, followed
by DJ Dave
FURNITURE FACTORY The Scratch Band
Music Company
HUMPHREY’S Damon Fowler - Power blues.
Designed to hit you upside your nappy head.
Guaranteed to knock you flat on your roly-poly
keester, so wear some protection. Helmets,
knee-pads -- whatever it takes. Don’t be late. It’s
customary for the last person arriving at a venue
before the show starts to graciously purchase a
round of drinks for everyone in the venue... like a
good rotten egg.
w/Sandy. 8 pm
T-BIRD’S CAFÉ Live Entertainment
TERRY’S PIZZA, N Pkwy HDK Karaoke Contest!
THE BRICK, Decatur Open Mic
THE CORNER Donnie Cox - Great mix of Rock,
Blues & Alternative
THE CORNER, Hampton Cove Marjorie Loveday –
Keyboard & Acoustic Rock and Folk.
THE CROSSROADS Dave Anderson
THE STATION, Madison Live Music by Kozmic
Mama - 7-11pm. Get On the Scene with an R&B
Rockin Machine. Karaoke room open every night!
TWILIGHT ZONE, Guntersville Midweek StressRelief Dance Party! - DJ
WAREHOUSE BAR & BILLIARDS DJ - Dance
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 9
BOBBY G’s, Mem. Pkwy Karaoke with Carole
Music Company
HUMPHREY’S Eric Rhodes Band - One of the
finest blues bands around. Let Eric Rhodes Band
take you on a journey through new and old
blues times while they also effortlessly guide you
through their original compositions. It’s blues
with an attitude - sure to pick you up when you’re
feelin’ down. And don’t forget to check out Eric’s
new fretless guitar! See you there!
ROCKABILLY’S Open Mic with Freddie Faust
SAMMY T’s Ladies Night! Live Music by ElginFikes
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VOLUME 2, ISSUE 21
17
MUSIC
Funkiest Funk, Dance and R&B around get back to
your roots and take a ride on the Short Bus again!
Music Company
HUMPHREY’S Kelly Richey - Yes. The Kelly Richey.
Watch out, Ms. Tedeschi. Kelly’s got a mean blues
hook!! If you know who Kelly is, we’ll see you
there. If not, treat yourself to one of the best blues
shows in the business. Seriously.
KAFFEEKLATSCH @Night Adam Hood
LICK SKILLET MUSIC BARN, Hazel Green Tina
OL’ BREWTAHN TAVERN Mike Roberts
PHILBY’S POURHOUSE Scott Morgan - Acoustic
Rock - ‘60s to current.
SAMMY T’s Rollin’ in The Hay
SHAKERS, Decatur Zero Tolerance
SPORTS PAGE Eric Rhodes Band
Duo. 8 pm
THE BRICK, Decatur Toy Shop
THE CORNER, Hampton Cove Jay Wilson & Alan
Little - Keyboard & Acoustic duo
EVENTS
Weekly
Magic Matt’s Free Tableside Magic
TGI Friday’s: Wednesdays, 6-8 pm
Green Hills Grille: Sundays, Noon-2 pm
Through November 30
Pamelia Nelson Exhibits
The Huntsville Times Gallery
Pamelia Nelson is showing a variety of her
favorite photographs in different photographic
media, including gelatin silver prints, hand-tinted
photographs, Ilfochromes, color photographs
and computer manipulated work. Subject matter
includes still lifes, scenics, portraits, abstracts,
animals and architecture.
Through December 1
Call for Scripts 2004
The Women Playwrights’ Initiative will produce
a full-length original play written by a woman
playwright living in the Southeast. Never-beforeproduced full-length scripts by playwrights
residing in AL, FL, GA, KY, MS, NC, SC, TN or VA will be
accepted. Musicals, children’s plays, collaborations
and adaptations are not eligible. Playwrights may
submit no more than two manuscripts each to:
Julia Gagne, 3006 Hartland Ct., Orlando, FL 32825.
For information, please call Ms. Gagne at (407) 2739723 or email [email protected]. Complete
guidelines are at www.womenplaywrights.com.
BENCHWARMER Fynal Stryke
BENCHWARMER TOO Live Music - TBA
BOBBY G’s, Henderson Rd N-2-It
CASA BLANCA, Athens Edgar Acoustic & Percussion Duo
COPPER TOP BAR & GRILL Chaos
GREEN DOOR BOOKS, Athens Chris Young.
Country artist, 7 pm
HARD DOCK CAFÉ, Decatur Blue Flame
Music Company
HUMPHREY’S The Skylarks - Simply the best
rock-n-roll band in the Southeast. Period. We’ll
see you there. Don’t forget to tip your wait
staff for their hard work and positive attitudes.
Drink responsibly, drive carefully and above all
else -- live life to the fullest! Thanks for making
Humphrey’s your number one location for
consistently great live music and the best casual
lunch and dinner venue downtown! Info: 7045555, 990-2001 or www.downtownhuntsville.com.
We’ll see you on the patio!
KAFFEEKLATSCH @Night A Cowgirl, a Diva and a
Shameless Hussy
LICK SKILLET MUSIC BARN, Hazel Green A good
night of Gospel and Christmas Music. 6 pm, FREE
OL’ BREWTAHN TAVERN Drivin South
PHILBY’S POURHOUSE Mike Roberts’ CD Release
Party
SAMMY T’s Heartland
SPORTS PAGE Black Label - Voted by Valley Planet
readers as one of the top three Rock Bands of
2003, this high octane musical machine (with
heart) performing favorite radio rock covers from
yesterday thru today, as well as their own brand of
hard rockin’ originals. BLACK-LABEL.com
THE BRICK, Decatur Dirty Sanchez
THE CORNER Rockin’ Blues Party Band
THE CORNER, Hampton Cove Live Music - TBA
THE CROSSROADS Live Music. TBA
THE DOCKS, Scottsboro Live Music. TBA
TWILIGHT ZONE, Guntersville Rodney Pate
WILD FLOUR BISTRO Greg Chambers, Keith Taylor,
Dave McConnell, Jim Cavender or Michael Thomas
- Jazz & Blues. 6:30-10pm. Call to see who’s on!
of whimsical animals and pets painted on canvas,
wood and glass. Free. Info: Robin Hall Brewer, (256)
325-1018.
$8/seniors, students, military and groups of 10+;
$4/children aged 6-11. FREE for members and
children 5 and under.
Through December 30
November 25 - Dec. 30
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 11
Holiday Market
MVAC Gallery Guntersville
An arts and crafts show to celebrate the season.
All types of fine art will be available (paintings,
sculpture, pottery, etc.). Craft items from past
Holiday Markets include dolls, wooden toys,
pottery, wreaths, quilts and cards. (256) 582-1454
or [email protected].
Through December 31
Panoply Seeking Playwrights
Panoply Arts Festival is pleased to announce the
addition of a 10-minute Playwright Competition
to the 2005 Festival. Playwrights should call The
Arts Council office at (256) 519-2787 or visit the
website at www.panoply.org for guidelines and
more information.
Through January 2
“The World of Betty Grisham”
Huntsville Museum of Art
The unique vision of one of Alabama’s most
original and beloved artists is brought to life
through this selection of works in a variety of
media from private collections and the Museum’s
own holdings.
Musicians Wanted!
Mountain Valley Arts Council is reviewing its
Lakeside Summer Concert 2005 booking season.
MOVA Arts Festival finalists are automatically
considered. Other musicians can send CD, tape
or video, photograph and contact info to MVAC
Booking Committee, 300 Gunter Ave, Guntersville,
AL 35976.
“Painted Essays:
William Keith’s Landscapes of the West”
This exhibition will present 50 of William Keith’s
finest oils and watercolors, selected from the
collection of the Hearst Art Gallery at St. Mary’s
College of California. Keith’s dramatic paintings of
the West helped inspire immigration to the region,
and also influenced the wilderness preservation
movement that led to the establishment of our
National Parks system.
Through December 10
Through January 14
Call for Visual Artists
Mountain Valley Arts Council
10th Annual Winterfest Fine Arts Exhibition now
accepting entries from adult visual artists in
virtually any media. $2,600 in awards, including
$500 Best of Show. Artists enter their work by
submitting slides or photos, along with an entry
form and jury fee. Enter by mail or online at www
.MountainValleyArts.Council.org. Jury fee (up to 3
pieces of work): $35 for members of MVAC, $50 for
nonmembers. For information visit
www.mountainvalleyartscouncil.org.
(256) 582-1454
Through December 20
Exhibiting Artist: Anna Braden
Clay House Museum
Anna’s art is bright and cheerful interpretations
18
THE CROSSROADS Lee Rocker w/ Back Porch
Mary: The Original Stray Cat!
TWILIGHT ZONE, Guntersville Rodney with
special guest God Child
Art Exhibition - Holiday Show
The Gallery @ 801 Franklin
Featuring works by Rebekah Sanders, Mark Blevins
and Joanna Littleton.
Through January 23
“Fashion in Film:
Period Costumes for the Screen”
HMA is the premiere venue for this breathtaking
exhibition of 35 costumes from recent motion
pictures, including “Titanic,” “Out of Africa,” “Evita”
and “Sense and Sensibility.” These costumes were
created for the screen by award-wining actors and
actresses such as Colin Firth, Nicole Kidman, Meryl
Streep, Gwyneth Paltrow and Drew Barrymore. The
Museum is the Southeast venue on this exclusive
national tour. Tickets: $10/adults non-members;
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 21
#112504120804
“Still Water” by Drew Galloway
Meridian Arts
Original oils on tin. Andrew (Drew) Galloway
describes his work as an “Oriental esthetic in the
Southern vernacular.” Galloway’s most recent
works are created on “found” tin or metal. For
information, contact Dianne Scott: (256) 534-7475.
November 25
11th Annual Thanksgiving Day Hike
The Land Trust 9 a.m.
Make a memorable start to your holidays on
this classic 4-mile moderate hike from The Land
Trust’s Pavilion at Bankhead parking lot down the
Alms House Trail to historic Three Caves Quarry.
Directions: Pratt Ave. to Bankhead Pkwy, cross
Tollgate Rd, parking lot is 1/2 mile further on right.
Meet at The Land Trust Pavilion at end of the lot.
Bike Night
Sonic Drive-in, Madison
Sponsored by Southern Cruisers Huntsville
Chapter.
Dance Fun & Lessons
Hog Wild
6 p.m. Argentine Tango, $10; 7 p.m. West Coast
Swing (FREE Beginners Basic Class); 7:30 p.m. West
Coast Swing, Intermediate, $10; 8:30 p.m. dancing
until.. . Beginners welcome. See you on the dance
floor!
Winston-Salem Polar Twins vs. Huntsville Havoc
Von Braun Center Arena 7:30 p.m.
November 25 - 27
“La Boheme”
VBC Playhouse 7:30 p.m.
Presented by Huntsville Opera Theater. The opera
will be fully staged, with soloists, chorus, children’s
chorus and orchestra, and will be sung in Italian
with English supertitles provided.
November 26 - Jan. 9
“Sanders Family Christmas”
Renaissance Theatre Main Stage
The long awaited sequel to “Smoke On The
Mountain!” Take a break from the busy holidays
and bring the family to an evening of comedy and
entertainment! Directed by Lee Deal and featuring
the best of local talent. Merriment, comedy and
joy are brought back to Huntsville audiences
by this musical comedy treat. Nov. 26, 27, Dec.
1,2,3,4,8,9,10,11 & Jan. 6,7,8 at 8 p.m. Nov. 28, Dec.
12 & Jan. 9 at 2:30 p.m. All seats $18. Call (256) 5363117 to secure tickets and confirm show dates! Go
THE VALLEY PLANET
EVENTS
to www.renaissancetheatre.net for special pricing
to see “Sanders Family Christmas” & “Dorothy and
Christmas in Oz.”
November 26 - Jan. 15
“Dorothy and Christmas in Oz”
Renaissance Theatre Alpha Stage
Written by Robert Riddle Baker, Directed by Lezlie
Lanza. Little Dorothy is unhappy so she runs
away to Oz only to find it has been winter since
she departed with the ruby red slippers! Lion, Tin
Man & Scarecrow have been imprisoned, as have
Glenda and the Wizard! Things heat up when the
Witch goes for the shoes and Little Dorothy has
other ideas. Dec. 1,2,3,4,8,9,10,11 at 7 p.m. Dec.
5,12 at 5 p.m. All Seats $12. Call (256) 536-3117
to secure tickets and confirm show dates! Go to
www.renaissancetheatre.net for special pricing
to see “Sanders Family Christmas” & “Dorothy and
Christmas in Oz.”
November 27
Wine Tasting
Pauli’s Gourmet Food, Wine and Fine Spirits
3-5 p.m. No charge. (256) 722-0071
Huntsville Flight vs. Columbus Riverdragons
Von Braun Center Arena 5 p.m.
Support the United Way and come out to the
Huntsville Flight “Doctors vs. Lawyers” pre-game.
Admission $10.
Irisewn Design Fashion Show
Lowe Mill 8 p.m.
Iris Joanna Billiter presents a host of local male
models strutting their stuff down the runway
wearing Irisewn alternative male clothing design,
as well as local musical talent. $10. Show will be
outside, so dress appropriately. If raining or too
cold, then it will be moved inside.
Flying Monkey Poo Fling
Flying Monkey Arts Center
9 p.m. $5 Cover.
December 1 - 11
“Dorothy and Christmas in Oz”
Renaissance Theatre
Little Dorothy is unhappy so she runs away to Oz
only to find it has been Winter since she departed
with the ruby red slippers! Lion, Tin Man and
Scarecrow have been imprisoned, as have Glenda
and The Wizard! (256) 536-3117. All Seats $12. Dec.
1–4, 8–11 at 7 p.m. Dec. 5, 12 at 5 p.m.
December 2
12th Annual Winter Gallery Tour 5 - 9 p.m.
Attendees have the chance to purchase unique
works of art by locally, regionally, and nationally
acclaimed artists. Participating galleries include
Artistic Images Gallery, 801 Franklin, 5 Points
Gallery, From the Earth, Huntsville Art League
and Visual Art Center, Huntsville Museum
of Art, Meridian Arts Gallery and Signature
Gallery. Each location offers a unique collection
of merchandise and will give away a door prize.
December 3
Rocket City Chorus Christmas Concert
Saint Mark’s Lutheran Church 7 p.m.
No admission; donations gratefully accepted.
Empire Brass
Trinity United Methodist Church 7:30 p.m.
Presented by the Huntsville Chamber Music Guild.
Asheville Aces vs. Huntsville Havoc
Von Braun Center Arena 8:30 p.m.
December 3 & 4
“The Eight Reindeer Monologues”
Flying Monkey Art Center 8 p.m.
Renaissance Theatre and Flying Monkey Arts
present the Tennessee Valley premiere of this
tart alternative to candy-cane cheer! Scandal
has erupted at the North Pole. With each deer’s
confession, the truth behind the shocking
allegations becomes clearer and clearer … and
murkier and murkier. Most definitely not for
kids. Not to be missed by adults. For more info:
flyingmonkeyarts.org, renaisancetheatre.net
Niagara vs. UAH Chargers Hockey
Von Braun Center Arena 7 p.m.
THE VALLEY PLANET
December 4
Christmas Open House
Burritt on the Mountain – A Living Museum
10 a.m - 4 p.m. Dr. Burritt’s mansion and historic
homes decorated with period traditional
decorations. Admission is free.
Creative Oil Painting Techniques
Huntsville Museum of Art 2 - 4 p.m.
Linda Ruhl, an award-winning painter working
in watercolor, oil and paste, will demonstrate her
creative oil painting techniques. Ruhl has taught
adult watercolor and portrait classes at the
Museum Academy and is a member of the Portrait
Society of America and the American Watercolor
Society. Free to members and included in general
admission for non-members.
Candlelight Christmas
5 p.m. to 8 p.m. Candlelight tour of the entire site.
Dr. Burritt’s house and historic homes abound
with period traditional decorations. Christmas
entertainment throughout the park, a visit from St.
Nicholas, Kid’s Korner, hot cider and treats.
Contra Dance
Faith Presbyterian Gym
Live music by Ed Baggott and Elsie Peterson
and calling by Seth Tepfer of Atlanta. Beginners
Lesson: 7 p.m. Dance: 7:30-10:30 p.m. All ages
welcome, singles, couples & families. $7/$4
students, 12 & under FREE. Corner of Airport Rd. &
Whitesburg Dr. http://secontra.com/NACDS.html
or (256) 837-0656.
Making Spirits Bright
Von Braun Center 7:30 p.m.
Featured work: Rutter’s exciting “Magnificat” by the
Huntsville Community Children’s Chorus, directed
by Anne Chelekis. Also songs of the holiday season
and a carol sing-along. Adults: $15, Students/
Seniors:$13, ($16/$14 at the door).
December 5
Huntsville Youth Orchestra Holiday Concert
West Huntsville Baptist Church 3 p.m.
Free to the public. 2211 Triana Blvd.
www.huntsvilleyouthorchestra.org
Anna Braden Featured Artist
Clay House Museum 1 p.m. to 3 p.m.
Free to the public. Anna’s whimsical art features
bright and cheerful animals and pets painted on
canvas, wood and glass. (256) 325-1018.
Guided Tour: “Painted Essays: William Keith’s
Landscapes of the West”
Huntsville Museum of Art 2 p.m.
Learn more about the awe-inspiring works by
William Keith by taking a tour with a trained
docent. Tours are free to members and included in
general admission for non-members.
CZC Holiday Dinner, Dance and Silent Auction
Tim’s Cajun Kitchen 5:30 - 10 p.m.
With Dennis Stroughmatt and the Ardoin Creole
Trio. Advance tickets only (www.czdance.com for
details). $15 members/$20 non-members and
includes dinner, dance and cross step waltz mixer
lesson with Doug Eskew and Rebecca Zurn.
December 6
Wine Tasting
801 Franklin 5:01 - 7 p.m.
A different wine tasting every week, including
a selection of hot & cold hors d’oeuvres for $12.
All week long, wines from 5:01@801 are available
by the taste, glass and bottle (retail prices). No
reservations required. 
Gourd Ornament Class
Huntsville Art League building 10 a.m.
Gourd ornament class taught by Linda Morton.
Create a one-of-a-kind Christmas ornament using
an egg or banana gourd painted with Luminar
paints and decorated with your choice of webbing
paints. $25 members, $35 nonmembers. Supplies
available at class for a fee. For more information
contact HAL (256) 534-3860.
December 6 & 7
“The Best Christmas Pageant Ever”
Grissom High School Auditorium 7 p.m.
In this hilarious Christmas tale, a couple struggling
to put on a church Christmas pageant is faced
with casting the Herdman kids, probably the most
inventively awful kids in history. The result is a
hilarious yet touching play that teaches the town
a lot more than any traditional show. Appropriate
for all ages. Gen. Adm: $5/$3. Call (256) 539-1534 to
reserve tickets or purchase at Blossoms & Blooms
on Bailey Cove Road.
#112504120804
It’s Ten Years Later and
I Still Don’t Feel So
Good Myself
by Steve Moulton
I was recently at a fine establishment
in downtown Huntsville when a
distinguished gentleman came up to me
and said, “I enjoy your column.” It struck
me as odd because I had never met this
man. I asked his name and he replied,
“Kevin.” He continued to tell me that he
worked on the Arsenal. I asked him how
he knew me because, after all, my face
ain’t on my column. He replied that he
had won a prize on my old morning show,
came down to the station and I gave him
the prize.
It was at that moment in time that I was
paid the ultimate compliment in my life.
Kevin said, and I quote, “I grew up in
Atlanta, and after reading your column I
felt like I was reading a relative of Lewis
Grizzard.”
I just stopped. The moment was frozen in
time. Think about one of your boyhood
heroes, then have a complete stranger
say that you remind him of him. How do
you respond to something like that? My
response was, “Thanks,” when actually
inside I was doing cartwheels and splits,
two things that I have never been able to
do, and if I tried, I’d be in the hospital.
One of the major influences in my
adolescence, at least in the field of
journalism, was a columnist at the Atlanta
Journal Constitution. That columnist was
Lewis Grizzard. Lewis made you feel
proud to be from the South. What am
I saying? He was the South! The great
things about Lewis’s columns were his
wit and, of course, his sense of humor.
He had a way of offending you and at the
same time paying you a compliment. His
columns were just plain fun to read.
Growing up, I wanted to either become
Skip Caray or Lewis Grizzard, mainly
because I knew the hopes of becoming
Dale Murphy or Steve Bartkowski
were even slimmer. Kevin’s generous
compliment made me realize that it was
ten years ago — 1994 — when Lewis
left us, and I couldn’t help but think
of some of my favorite columns and
books like “Don’t Sit Under the Grits
Tree with Anyone Else but Me,” “Kathy
Sue Loudermilk, I Love You” and my
favorite, “Elvis is Dead and I Don’t Feel
So Good Myself.”
Lewis up and died and broke my heart. If I
can be half the columnist he was, then I’ll
be an extraordinarily blessed man (well,
maybe everything except the divorces).
Thank you, Kevin, for making this
Southern guy feel better than he
deserves.
I miss you Lewis Grizzard. And I still
don’t feel so good myself.
Steve Moulton hosts The Pressbox every
weekday afternoon from 3 to 5 p.m. on
ESPN 1400 in Decatur, Ala. You can email
him at [email protected].
December 8
Cajun/Zydeco Night
Benchwarmer Too (formerly Tunes Karaoke)
7 - 8:30 p.m. FREE
December 8 & 9
“Lottie”
Footlights Community Theater presents this play
based on the life of Lottie Moon on Dec. the 8 at
7p.m. at Lindsay Lane Baptist Church in Athens
and on Dec. 9 at 6 p.m. at First United Methodist
Church’s Beasley Center. $5 donation requested.
www.footlightstheater.org, email footlights@footli
ghtstheater.org.
December 9 -11
Holiday Magic on the Mountain
Guests savor holiday dinners in the Mansion and
the log houses in the historic park. Large groups
may also dine in the Church. The evening starts
with hors d’oeuvres and entertainment in the
Trillium Room. Carolers and Saint Nick pay a visit
during the meal. Reservation required.
December 10
Free Friday Foreign Films: “Broken Wings”
Guntersville Library 7 p.m.
This film won the 2002 Award of the Israeli Film
Academy for Best Actress, Best Director and Best
Film. It also won the 2003 Prize of the Ecumenical
Jury at the Berlin International Film Festival. In
Hebrew with English subtitles. (256) 571-7595 or
[email protected].
about self-exploration, self-acceptance and selfdefense. Individuals of every gender and sexual
orientation are invited. Ducky will be bringing
HUNDREDS of FREE SEX TOYS with her and is
inviting all Americans to join in celebrating sexual
freedom by picking up your FREE sex toy (time and
location to be announced).
December 10 & 11
Christmas Fine Arts & Craft Show
DeKalb Theatre Fort Payne
Featuring the exquisite work of local and regional
artists. Enjoy live jazz while shopping for the
perfect Christmas gifts and supporting the arts!
Fri. 5-9 p.m. and Sat. 2-9 p.m. $5, free for children 12
and under. Silent auction and prizes.
December 10 - 12
“The Nutcracker”
Von Braun Center Concert Hall
Huntsville Ballet Company’s “Nutcracker” is a
heartwarming production for every member of
the family, a holiday tradition for generations. This
enchanting full-length ballet combines excellent
dancing and real theatrical razzle-dazzle. Vivid
sets and costumes add to the excitement as the
Nutcracker comes alive with Tchaikovsky’s score
played by the Huntsville Symphony Orchestra.
Dec. 10 & 11, 7:30 p.m. Dec. 11 & 12, 2 p.m.
Butt-Kicking Bombshell Tour
Flying Monkey Arts Center 8 p.m.
A Unique Performance/Workshop by Ducky
DooLittle & Emily Stern, $10. Join Ducky & Emily as
they take you on a death-defying trip through 10
all-true tales of sex, guts & glory. A powerful show
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 21
19
W
hen I was in fourth grade
learning my multiplication
tables, our teacher gave us a
sheet with 100 simple problems. We had
to answer each one correctly as quickly as
possible. Shannon Hopkins always won.
She could do her times tables like no one
else. Not only was she the first person to
turn in her sheet, but she also always got
every one right! Fueled by competition,
I did my best to beat Shannon. I never
could. The faster I went, the more
problems I got wrong. How could
Shannon, who was known for acting out
on the playground, beat me? It frustrated
me then and frustrates me now.
This rushing followed me when I went
to take the written test for my driver’s
license (it’s required in Washington state).
I put the pedal to the metal and answered
the 25 multiple-choice questions in record
time. And I failed. My mom gave me some
simple advice as I sat in the passenger seat
of the gray minivan: “Slow down.”
my feet than jump in feet first. Getting
things wrong happens in the blink of an
eye. I’ve got all the time in the world to
get matters of the heart right.
Love is a big thing. Marriage is even
bigger. For me, they are not to be taken
lightly. Love is more than a throbbing
heart and butterflies in the stomach. It’s
a commitment to another person that you
respect and trust them. It’s a promise that
you’ll stand beside them, support them
and cherish them. Marriage is when you
pledge your love for the rest of your life.
For this girl, there’s no backing out of
such commitments. For this girl, these
commitments don’t come easily.
She was right. The next time I took the
test, I took my time and passed. The roads
of Seattle would never be the same.
Her advice rings true again, 13 years later.
But this time it has nothing to do with tests
or driving. It has to do with my heart.
As I approach the six-month mark in my
current relationship, I’ve been asked a
series of similar questions. The standard
“So, you’re not married?” has been
replaced with “So, are you in love? Are
you going to get married?” In the past
week, I’ve been asked those questions
about five different times. How can you
make a decision about love and marriage
after just six months? And if you are
ready to make that decision, how do you
know it’s the right one?
Perhaps it’s because I still remember
when the excitement of turning my paper
in first was replaced with shame of getting
several of the answers all wrong. Maybe
it’s because after previous relationships,
I’ve had to say, “Yeah, I was wrong about
that one.” Or maybe it’s because I’m tired
of getting it wrong. Either way, mom’s
advice is taken to heart: “Slow down.”
Everyone operates on his or her own
timetable. Some can get it right the first
time around. Others can get it wrong
every time around. For me, it’s no longer
about finishing first. It’s about getting the
problems worked out before I declare that
I’m done.
I started thinking about relationships past,
how they didn’t work out, and why. The
minute I met my first grown up love, I
knew immediately that he would fill that
role. After things didn’t work out and my
heart healed, I expected to find that instant
connection again. Even when it wasn’t
there, I convinced myself it was. When
I started dating someone, I ran into the
relationship full speed, declaring my true
love immediately. I gave away my heart
at the word go. Inevitably, relationships
failed. Months after the breakups, I would
I realize the error of my ways and promise
myself to never do that again. I promised
myself that a half dozen times.
Certainly there are people out there who
will tell you that when they met their
spouses, they knew immediately. Hats off
to them! I operate on a different timetable
completely. These days, I’d rather drag
20
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 21
#112504120804
Allison Gregg is an eternal optimist who has never
had it so good. Email Allison at
[email protected].
THE VALLEY PLANET
by Jennifer H. Daniel
The Butt-Kicking Bombshell Tour
A Unique Performance/Workshop
by Ducky DooLittle & Emily Stern
Friday, Dec. 10, 8 p.m.
Flying Monkey Arts Center
Admission $10; 2 hour + Q&A
R
eady yourself, demure — some
might say frigid — Huntsville.
There’s a force coming to town.
She’s enthusiastic, excited and open
about her feelings on sex, and she’s
ready to convert Huntsville. With saucy
sidekick Emily Stern, the outspoken
Ducky DooLittle shares 10 tales of
steamy, raunchy and sometimes the
wrong kind of sex — with all the messy
details. Eye-opening and thoughtprovoking tales are all a part of the show.
On Dec. 10 at the Flying Monkey Arts
Center, Ducky DooLittle’s gutsy and
informative workshop will help audience
members define, express and accept their
sexuality. “How to Be a Butt-Kicking
Bombshell in 10 Easy Steps: A Whole
New Approach to Sex, Self-Esteem and
Self-Defense takes storytelling and sex ed
to a new level.
“The show is all about sex, self-esteem
and self-defense,” said DooLittle in a
phone interview from her home in Los
Angles. “I want to show them what an
intelligent, sex-positive woman looks
like. We can’t have Alabama prosecuting
women.”
DooLittle is right. With outdated sex
education programs in Alabama’s public
schools and the new ban on sex toy
sales, Alabama’s attitudes toward sex are
stagnant, to say the least. No condoms in
the high schools? No worries. Abstinence
has kept our state teen-pregnancy free for
how long? DooLittle agrees that Alabama
needs a little reform when it comes to
sexual privacy and education.
“People in Alabama have no sexual
privacy,” DooLittle said. “Alabama needs
to be sex positive and as open as they
can be — the more outspoken, the better.
[Sex] is something they can be proud of,
and they should.”
THE VALLEY PLANET
DooLittle is referring to Alabama’s recent
ban on sex toy sales. Although not illegal
to own them, it is illegal to sell sexual toys
in the state. Ducky feels our pain. She’s
bringing free goodies for those attending
the show in hopes to form a more positive
and open sexual community in Alabama.
DooLittle thinks that the law is absurd
and saw the stop in Huntsville as a chance
to voice her concerns.
“Alabama is not alone,” DooLittle said.
“We’re letting Alabama know that the
community is reaching out to them.”
In her workshop, DooLittle reminisces
about her peepshow days and lovemaking
in sleazy hotels, while offering tips and
advice. Above all, DooLittle and Stern
encourage safer sex and open lines of
sexual communication. Campaigning
these topics is nothing new to DooLittle.
She’s dished it out on NPR, MTV, VH-1,
MSNBC and Comedy Central.
The Village Voice describes her as a
veritable sexual Tour de Force: “From her
glossy pageboy to her vertiginous high
heels — not to mention the irrepressible
bosom in between — she’s a font of
know-how, sex appeal and good humor.”
Topics in DooLittle’s workshop range
from advice on being sexy, respecting
one’s assets and, my personal favorite,
how to fight off a drunk guy. A
nationally recognized sex journalist,
sex educator and comedian, DooLittle’s
alluring tales about her days as a 1980’s
Chicago peepshow girl first appeared
in underground, erotic magazines but
have now appeared in a range of media
outlets, from Cosmopolitan, HBO and
“The Howard Stern Show” to The New
Yorker. The Learning Channel has used
her as a sex consultant for their series
#112504120804
“Sex in the New Century.” Part comedy,
part advice, DooLittle’s latest venture
is her workshop, where she travels the
country and bares all about sex, teaches
self-defense and, in Huntsville’s case,
doles out some free sex toys.
“I’m bringing hundreds of toys that have
been donated by companies who care
about what’s going on in Alabama. They
care about what happens in this state,”
DooLittle shared.
Ducky DooLittle looks a lot like Betty
Page. But it’s not just the black bangs,
the crimson pout and the torpedo bust
that’s reminiscent of America’s bestknown pinup girl. It’s Ducky’s spirit
that reminded me of Page as we spoke.
DooLittle’s voice is filled with Page’s
iconoclastic sexual spark. Her pioneering
spirit and fervor are evident in her tone.
“I have a TV show in negotiation, and I’m
touring through April,” said DooLittle.
“I’m working on a book … should be out
in September 2005. It’s called ‘Sex with
the Lights On.’ I always stay like this.”
Show your support for sexual education
in Alabama by attending the Butt-Kicking
Bombshell Tour. Help DooLittle penetrate
the Alabama legislature with progressive
thinking and positive change. Keep on
rockin’ in the free world, Ducky. For more
information about Ducky, her workshops
and her advice, check out her website at
www.duckydoolittle.com.
Jennifer H. Daniel spins to mountain music, sews
her own clothing and hangs with the goats on
Monte Sano. She is known to many as that progressive hippie chick who smells like patchouli. Email
her at [email protected].
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 21
21
The Deep End
Living
by Marianne Gatlin
Thank you all for participating in THE DEEP END!
The response has been great. Please send your poetry to
[email protected] Keep them coming! Thanks!
Do not dwell in a past
that you cannot change
The Red Head
Modern Cuts for Modern Men
A distant woman, as such
You were in your snakeskin boots
And cowboy cut Levi’s jeans
Among men you were said to be
A famously loved disappearing act
His father ran the power company like a cheap Swiss watch,
as the last of the cuts poured out blood and Mad Dog,
mama’s precious blue-eyed drunk lay gutted and silenced,
gutted and silenced on Huntsville city property.
by Lendsey M. Coil
In the front door
Out of the Nevada desert sun
Through the hall to your room
A door shuts
Then silence
If I ever meet you
I will tell you everything
That I ignored the hushed voices
Of the jealous foes
That I admired every movement
You spent as an extraordinary
Lover, and I will
Dye my hair sun fire red
And wear Indian war bones
To protect my heart, like you taught
me
AndI’llblowawayintothedesertlike
Sifting ashes of the Shaman prayer
Anotherfamousactofdisappearing
love
by Michael Pollick
Olan Mills had no idea what they once captured on film,
Tom and Vivian and their two small ideas for boys;
each looking so bright and sober that morning,
the combs finding no reluctance, no resistance, no defiance.
One would grow to be every father’s waking dream,
a Marine so pulled and taut and inspection-ready, drawing his service
revolver so smoothly from its home one might never feel the sting.
The other would not show up in any more wallet-sized pictures,
nor would he ever agree to pass the plate in church again,
This other son would fail to keep his promises to God and country,
finding himself mired in piss and Jack and shattered glass bottles.
His father would identify the body in his own sweet time,
but the police said a homeless man was already in custody;
some joggers found him sprawled over some battered suitcases,
his one acceptable arm already pointed towards home.
THEM
by The Raven
I watch them studying
On how I could live like them
I study alone
Watching their every movement
They walk on two
While I on four
Now I know I cannot be like them
22
Shopping List
by Marianne Gatlin
Milk, butter, sugar and eggs
a couple of cellulite free legs
bread, flour, honey and juice
a big ol’ perky caboose
pepper, thyme, rosemary and mace
a line free, freshly pulled face
towels, soap and new oven mitts
a big, round, fake pair of tits
a rake, shovel and a new garden hose
fuller lips, slimmer hips, a shorter nose
air freshener and cleaner, some stuff for the drain
while I’m out maybe I can pick up a brain
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 21
Do not worry about
an imaginary future
You have no control over
Take each day as it comes
Be spontaneous
Be present in the present
Live life completely
Let fear not be an option
At the end of life’s journey
Look back and be proud
Have no regrets
Know you have truly lived
my child
by Mark Barksdale
Reaching for some tranquility
within ourselves ...
We learn to dream again.
That part of us
that we understood as children ...
That part of us —
our souls that were so pure.
The dreams and fantasies
within that state ...
as children ...
still exists within our hearts.
As adults ...
So much has happened —
So much to obscure that child within...
from us.
Yet, it still exists ...
Find it and find your true self!
Become a child ... again.
Find that truth
within....
#112504120804
THE VALLEY PLANET
LISTINGS
PAPOU’S
[email protected]
VP after a listing means that the wonderful people at that establishment were
kind enough to let us distribute the
VALLEY PLANET there! If you would like to
make your place all that, call us and we’ll
deliver a beautiful VALLEY PLANET rack
pronto! 256-858-6736
110 South Side Square, Huntsville, 256-534-5553
Greek Restaurant, Lunch & Dinner, Full Bar.
LE BISTRO DU SOLEIL
SAZIO
300 Franklin Street, Huntsville (Downtown on the
Square), 256-539-7777
Corner of Pratt & Russell, Huntsville, 256-327-5555
Mediterranean Cuisine, Full Bar, Patio Dining VP
LOGAN’S ROADHOUSE (2 Huntsville locations)
4249 Balmoral Drive, Huntsville, 256-881-0584
University Drive NW, Huntsvile VP
2315 Beltline SW, Decatur, 256-432-2746
BELLACINO’S PIZZA & GRINDERS (2 locations)
4851 Whitesburg Dr, 256-880-8656 VP
8572 Madison Blvd, Madison, 256-774-1918 VP
MAGNOLIA RESTAURANT & LOUNGE
2002 Gunter Ave., Guntersville, 256-582-0150
BIG ED’S PIZZERIA
PAULI’S BAR & GRILL
7143-C Hwy 72 W, Huntsville (corner of Slaughter Road
& Hwy 72), 256-722-2080. Full Bar & Extensive Wine List.
Reservations Suggested.
www.paulisbarandgrill.com VP
PAULI’S CHOPHOUSE
109 Washington Street, Huntsville (Downtown, corner of
Clinton and Washington), 256-704-5555. M-Th 5 – 10 pm,
F-Sat 5 – 11 pm, Sun 11 am – 2 pm. Full Bar & Extensive
Wine Selection. www.washingtonsq.com/chophouse.htm
VP
PILOT HOUSE RESTAURANT
3RD BASE GRILL
7904 Memorial Pkwy S, Huntsville, 256-882-9500. Great
Food for Lunch and Dinner. Mondays $0.35 Wings, Family
Atmosphere, Live Music on Wednesday & Thursday. NFL
Ticket on Sunday. Open 11 pm – 2 am, Mon–Sat, open at
noon - 2 am on Sundays. VP
200 South Main St., Tuscumbia, 256-389-9551
Sun-Thur: 11 a.m. - 10 p.m. Fri-Sat: 11 a.m. - 11 p.m.
1208 Beltline SW, Decatur, 256-351-6247
Alabama Famous Chicken Tenders, Hickory Smoked Baby
Back Ribs. In the Lounge, LIVE MUSIC Tu-Fr night, Monday
Night Football. VP
STARFISH
TGI FRIDAY’S
801 Franklin Street, Huntsville (Downtown by Medical
Center), 256-519-8019. Lunch: M-F 11-2, Dinner: M-W 5-10
pm & Th-Sa 5 pm-1 am. Lounge opens 4 pm M-F. Full Bar
& Extensive Wine List. www.801franklin.com VP
BEAUREGARD’S (3 Huntsville locations)
1851 University Dr. , 256-512-0074 VP
511 Jordan Lane, 256-837-2433 VP
975 Airport Rd. SW, 256-880-2131 VP
BENNIGAN’S
4800 Whitesburg Drive S, 256-880-1557 and
1480 Perimeter Pkwy, 256-425-0034. Appetizers, Salads,
Sandwiches, Spuds & Desserts. Kid’s Menu.
TONY’S ITALIAN DELI
119 James Madison Drive SW
Huntsville, 256-772-4448
SCHLOTZSKY’S DELI (2 Huntsville locations)
4319 University Drive NW, 256-830-6400
11120 Memorial Pkwy SW, 256-650-6300
8969 Hwy. 20, Madison, 256-464-5300
605 Jordan Lane, 256-837-7220 VP
602 Governors Drive, 256-536-6585 VP
TERRY’S PIZZA (3 Huntsville locations)
9034 Memorial Pkwy S, 256-881-5987
3612 Governors Dr, 256-536-3389 and
2514 Memorial Pkwy N, 256-539-3467
4935 University Drive NW, Huntsville
256-830-2793, www.tgifridays.com
BB PERRINS
TOP O’ THE RIVER
CLEM’S BBQ & FISHERY
608 Holly St, NE, Decatur, 256-355-0980
7004 Val-Monte, Guntersville, 256-582-4567
3700 Blue Spring Road NW
WEST END GRILL
6610 Old Madison Pike, Huntsville, 256-722-8040. Steaks,
chicken and seafood.
DREAMLAND
WILD FLOUR BISTRO
GIBSON BARBECUE (3 Huntsville locations)
600 Jordan Lane NW, Huntsville (shopping center, corner
of Holmes and Jordan). 256-536-0939. VP
WINGS SPORTS GRILLE
4250 Balmoral Dr. SW, Huntsville, 256-881-8878.
www.wingssportsgrille.com VP
3855 University Dr., Huntsville 256-539-7427 VP
3319 Memorial Pkwy., Huntsville, 256-881-4851
8412 Whitesburg Drive, Huntsville, 256-882-0841
735 Hwy 72 E, Huntsville, 256-852-9882
1715 6th Ave., SE, Decatur, 256-350-6969
MERIDIANVILLE BAR-B-QUE
11537 Hwy. 231N., Meridianville, 256-828-3725
1009 Memorial Pkwy, Huntsville, 256-534-6141
Every day is St. Patrick’s Day at Bennigan’s
www.bennigans.com VP
OLE HICKORY PIT BBQ
5061 Maysville Road
New Market, 256-859-2824
BISTRO LA LUNA VP
Covenant Cove Lodge & Marina, 7001 Val-Monte
Drive, Guntersville, 256-582-0930. Lunch & Dinner
www.covenantcove.com
McALISTER’S DELI (2 Huntsville locations) VP
STANLIEO’S SUB VILLA (2 Huntsville locations)
PRINCETON’S CEDAR MILL GRILLE
Corner of Pratt & Russell, Huntsville, 256-327-5555
Fresh Seafood , Full Bar VP
801 FRANKLIN
721 Clinton Avenue, Huntsville, 256-536-2872
ROCKABILLY’S SMOKEHOUSE GRILL
ALABAMA BREAD COMPANY
255 Pratt Ave., Huntsville, 256-489-1831 VP
975 Airport Rd., Huntsville, 256-882-2010.
CAHOOTS
CAFE BABA
CHILI’S (2 Huntsville locations)
CAFE DOMAIN
5000 Whitesburg, Huntsville, 256-519-2323. Coffee
Hotspot. Specialty coffees, sandwiches, salads, desserts.
BLUE PLATE CAFE VP
COPELAND’S
COTTON ROW MARKET
ERNEY’S
CRAWMAMMA’S
GREEN DOOR BOOKS
114 West Market Street, Fayetteville, TN.
931-433-1173. Dine in old jail cells.
4925 University Drive, 256-722-9620 VP
2740 Carl T. Jones, 256-882-1230
2004 Airport Road SW, Huntsville
256-650-3131 VP
5000 Webb Villa, Guntersville, 256-582-0484
Seafood & Steak
D&L BISTRO
7500 SW Memorial Pkwy, Huntsville,
256-881-7244, located in Main St. South
Mon-Sat. Lunch & Dinner. VP
THE DOCKS
Goosepond Colony, 417 Ed Hembree, Scottsboro,
256-574-3071. Casual Fine Dining Restaurant & Bar on
the banks of the Tennessee River. Free live entertainment
on weekends. VP
EDEN’S EAST
6585 Hwy 431 S, Ste. C, Huntsville, 256-882-6747
Creperie & Patisserie
5100 Sanderson Street NW, Huntsville (corner of Wynn
and University), 256-837-8282. VP
HUMPHREY’S BAR & GRILL
109 Washington Street, Huntsville (Downtown, corner of
Washington and Clinton), 256-704-5555. 11 am – 2 am
everyday. Live music every night – SEE CALENDAR VP
K C’s COYOTE CAFE
410 Old Town St., Guntersville, 256-582-1676
LAKE IDA
101 Lindsay Lane S., Athens, 256-232-2330. A quaint
restaurant on the edge of a beautiful, small lake. VP
ROLO’S CAFE
505 Airport Rd., Huntsville, 256-883-7656
3021 Thornton Taylor Pkwy., Fayetteville, TN (inside Best
Western Hotel) 931-433-3871 VP
JAVA JAAY CAFE
1713 6th Ave. SE, Decatur, 256-351-8555.
Espresso, Mocha, Coffee, Freezes, Smoothies, Sandwiches
& Baked goods. M-Th: 6am-6pm. Fri: 6am-7pm. Sat: 8am2pm. VP
103 Jefferson Street, Huntsville, 256-536-7993. VP
BANDITO BURRITO (2 locations) VP
3017 Governors Dr SW, Huntsville, 256-534-0866
208 Main St., Madison, 256-461-8999
CASA BLANCA MEXICAN RESTAURANT
511 Pratt Ave NE, Huntsville, 256-539-5399 VP
(4 locations) VP
7830 Hwy 72 W, Ste 230, Madison 256-864-0360
140 Browns Ferry Rd, Madison 256-464-6044
7900 Bailey Cove Rd, Huntsville 256-883-4447
1802 Hwy 72 E, Ste D, Athens 256-771-0130
SEATTLE SOUTH
EL MARIACHI (3 locations)
119 East Moulton, Decatur
Coffee, Espresso, Bakery & Deli. VP
OLDE TOWNE COFFEE SHOPPE
2113 Whitesburg Drive S, Huntsville,(Whitesburg Medical
District), 256-534-0513 VP
THE WILD ROSE CAFE
14450 Hwy 231/431 N Hazel Green, 256-828-1466 1836
Winchester Road, Huntsville 256-851-7255
7193 Hwy 72 W, Madison, 256-890-0900
EL PALACIO
121 North Side Square, Huntsville, 256-539-3658
2008 Memorial Pkwy SW, Huntsville 256-539-6075
WEST SIDE COFFEE PLACE & CAFE
2699B Sandlin Rd., SW, Decatur, 256-353-2025
GUADALAJARA MEXICAN RESTAURANTS
PO BOY FACTORY
LA ALAMEDA
TIM’S CAJUN KITCHEN
LITTLE ROSIE’S TAQUERIA
11208 Memorial Pkwy S, Huntsville VP
256-882-7311 &
8572 Madison Blvd, 256-774-1401
JAZZ FACTORY
109 North Side Square, Huntsville (Downtown on the
Square), 256-539-1919. Live Music, Full Bar & Extensive
Wine List.
2501 Oakwood Dr., Huntsville, 256-533-3034
TROTTER’S
413 Jordan Lane NW, Huntsville, 256-837-7880.
Mediterranean Fare, Sandwiches & Specialty Coffees.
Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner. VP
LAGNIAPPES COFFEE CAFE
GREEN HILLS GRILLE
G’S COUNTRY KITCHEN
JAMO’S CAFÉ
FURNITURE FACTORY BAR & GRILL
2699 Sandlin Rd. SW, Decatur, 256-353-0007
3210 Governors Drive, Huntsville, 256-533-8808
1605 Pulaski Pike NW
Huntsville, (256) 533-5734
121 S. Marion St, Athens, 256-216-1005, Books, Coffee,
Music and More. The coolest little book store in Athens.
Live music Friday nights. VP
KAFFEEKLATSCH
THE GARLIC PRESS
109 Washington Street, Huntsville, 256-704-5555.
(breakfast & lunch). www.washingtonsq.com/
cottonrow.htm
2413-B Jordan Lane, Huntsville, 256-721-9491
Vegetarian fare, M-Thu: 11am-6 pm; Fri: 11am-3pm
619 Meridian Street N, Huntsville (just north of
Downtown), 256-539-8001. Live music on the patio. SEE
CALENDAR for details. VP
ALABAMA ROADHOUSE VP
VP
815 Andrew Jackson Way, Huntsville (in Five Points) 256539-3616. VP
114 Jordan Lane, Huntsville, 256-533-7589. VP
3807 University Drive NW
4781 Whitesburg Dr S, Huntsville, 256-882-0014
QDOBA MEXICAN GRILL
4800 Whitesburg Drive, Huntsville 256-489-1367
Continued On Page 24
THE VALLEY PLANET
#112504120804
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 21
23
VILLA FIORE VP
OL HEIDELBERG CAFÉ
Authentic Gourmet Italian Cuisine.
11505 S. Memorial Pkwy, Huntsville, 256-881-7746
6125 University Drive NW E14, Huntsville, (shopping
center next to Rosie’s), 256-992-0556.
EDO JAPANESE RESTAURANT
MIKATO JAPANESE STEAK HOUSE & LOUNGE
TASTE OF D’ISLANDS
VP
2105 Mastin Lake Road, Huntsville, 256-851-9262.
Authentic Caribbean Cuisine
MIKAWA RESTAURANT
HEAVEN’S FARMACY
ROSIE’S MEXICAN CANTINA
(2 Huntsville locations)
6125 University Drive, 256-922-1001
7540 S. Memorial Pkwy, 256-382-3232
Mon–Sat. Lunch & Dinner.
ITALIAN PIE
5000 Whitesburg Dr, Huntsville, 256-883-9112
501 Jordan Lane, Huntsville, 256-895-9199 VP
LA STRADA
12824 Hwy 431, Guntersville. European cuisine. 256-5822250. www.lastradabama.com
104 N. Intercom Drive, Madison, 256-772-0360
4061 Independence Dr. NW, Huntsville, (one block N. of
University on Jordan Ln.), 256-830-1700.
1010 Heathland Dr, Huntsville, 256-837-7440.
Authentic Japanese Restaurant.
RICATONI’S ITALIAN GRILL
3991 University Drive, Huntsville, 256-534-3000.
Hibachi Tables & Sushi Bar.
ROMANO’S MACARONI GRILL
5901 University Drive, Huntsville, 256-722-4770
2413B Jordan Lane, Huntsville, 256-721-5949
SHO GUN JAPANESE STEAK & SUSHI BAR
TOKYO JAPANESE STEAK HOUSE & SUSHI BAR
1105 Wayne Road, Huntsville, 256-217-1719
7904 Memorial Pkwy S, Huntsville, 256-882-9500. Great
Food for Lunch and Dinner. Mondays $0.35 Wings, Family
Atmosphere, Live Music on Wednesday & Thursday. NFL
Ticket on Sunday. Open 11 pm – 2 am, Mon–Sat, open at
noon - 2 am on Sundays. VP
ADRIAN’S
1405 Sunset Drive, Guntersville, 256-582-3106
VP
SURIN OF THAILAND
975 Airport Rd SW, Huntsville, 256-213-9866
ALLEN’S GRILLE & GROG
JOY LUCK RESTAURANT
Pool tables, full menu. VP
BENCHWARMER, TOO!
VP
BILLIARD STREET CAFE
VP
3782 University Dr. NW, Huntsville, 256-536-7100
BLACK WATER HATTIE’S
10000 S. Memorial Pkwy. 256-489-3333.
Lunch & Dinner, full bar,great atmosphere. VP
BLUE PARROT MARTINI & CIGAR LOUNGE
BIERGARTEN CAFÉ VP
3810 Wall Triana Hwy, Madison, 256-772-0511
DEUTSCHE KUCHE
418 Jordan Lane, Huntsville, 256-534-4807. Authentic
German Foods & Beverages. VP
THE CROSSROADS VP
THE DUGOUT SPORTS BAR
2510 Ready Section Road, corner of Pulaski Pike, Toney
JADE PALACE VP
4925 University Drive NW, Huntsville,
256-536-7100
VP
(2 Huntsville locations)
10300 Bailey Cove Road SE, 256-880-2103.
NOW OPEN!!!!!!!
129-A Old Highway 431,Hampton Cove
Burgers, steaks & sandwiches. Great food, live
entertainment nightly. Great neighborhood atmosphere.
THE BARN
DING HOW II
4800 Whitesburg Dr., Huntsville, 256-880-8883
THE CORNER GRILL & PUB
721 Clinton Ave, Huntsville, 256-533-3393. Live Music 7
nights. www.crossroadsmusic.biz
2998 University Drive, Huntsville 256-539-6268.
Lunch buffet, steaks, sandwiches. Live music, 12 ft. TV
screen, 7 big screens, 22 TVs. NASCAR Sundays, Dart
Tourneys (plastic & steel), Thursdays College Night w/DJ.
Open 7 days 10 am to 2 am. Dinner nightly. www.bench
warmersportsbar.com. VP
11700 S Memorial Pkwy, Huntsville, 256-880-2626
Take Out or Eat In. Open 7 days.
Lunch Buffet Mon - Sat.
200 Q Oakwood Ave., Huntsville, 256-536-1150
Formerly Zesto’s in Five Points. Appetizers, sandwiches &
more. Karaoke & Live Music VP
9076 Madison Blvd, Madison, 256-772-8514. VP
BENCHWARMER FOOD & SPIRITS
CHINA MOON VP
10300 Bailey Cove Rd SE Huntsville, 256-880-1202.
Full Mexican menu, dart tournaments. VP
COPPER TOP BAR & GRILL
3RD BASE GRILL
Live Music Thurs-Sat.
800 Wellman Ave. NE, Huntsville, 256-534-0122
7908 Memorial Parkway S, Huntsville
256-880-2525. Fri & Sat nights Karaoke.
4701 Meridian Street, Huntsville, 256-851-2920. Chicken,
steak, pasta and seafood.
ALABAMA ROADHOUSE
THAI GARDEN RESTAURANT VP
BROILER STEAK & SEAFOOD
CLUB MIRAGE
404 Jordan Lane NW
NIKKO JAPANESE RESTAURANT
209-A 2nd Ave. SE, Decatur
256-355-8318. Live Music VP
CHIPS & SALSA CANTINA
MIWON JAPANESE RESTAURANT
6565 Hwy. 431, Hampton Cove, 256-536-3690 VP
107 N. Court St., Florence, 256-718-1002
1009 Henderson Road, 256-837-4728 and 4070 Memorial
Pkwy S, 256-880-2590. Steaks, seafood, chicken and
wings. Live music & Karaoke. VP
THE BRICK DELI & TAVERN
LUCIANO
964 Airport Road SW, Huntsville, 256-885-0505
BOBBY G’S PLACE (2 Huntsville locations)
7001 Val-Monte Drive, Covenant Cove Resort,
Guntersville, 256-582-0930. Happy Hour, Tu-Thr 4-7pm.
Great drinks and a walk-in humidor! Live Music, see
calendar for details. www.covenantcove.com/parrot.htm
VP
VP
1550 6th Ave., Decatur,256-350-7390. Karaoke, Live Music,
NTN Trivia.
EMBER CLUB VP
10131 Memorial Pkwy S, Huntsville, 256-882-1670. Live
Music.
THE END ZONE
Sandwiches, steaks, and ribs. 22 TVs, 8 Satellites. Lunch &
Dinner every day. VP
FINNEGAN’S PUB
VP
3310 Memorial Pkwy S, Huntsville, 256-881-9732
FURNITURE FACTORY BAR & GRILL
619 Meridian Street N, Huntsville (just north of
Downtown), 256-539-8001. Live music on the patio. SEE
CALENDAR for details. VP
THE GOAL POST
3305 Bob Wallace Ave, Huntsville, 256-489-0055. 11am2am daily. VP
HARD DOCK CAFE
3755 U.S. Hwy. 31, Decatur, 256-340-9234 VP
HALF TIME BAR AND GRILL
8873 Highway 72 W, Madison, 256-430-0266 VP
HOG WILD SALOON
VP
HOOTERS
4730 University Drive, Huntsville, 256-722-0166. Wings,
seafood and sandwiches. VP
HOPPER’S
Holiday Inn-Research Park, 5903 University Drive,
256-830-0600, Karaoke and Live Music.
HUMPHREY’S BAR & GRILL
109 Washington Square, Huntsville, 256-704-5555. Beef,
seafood, sandwiches. Come for the food – Stay for the
Fun. Best Patio in Huntsville. Happy Hour every day 11 am
– 6 pm. Live music every night, no cover. Open 11 am – 2
am everyday. VP
JEMISON’S EATERY & PUB
350-A Market St. NE, Decatur, 256-351-0300. Open from
10:30 am Mon-Sat. Sandwiches, Pizza, Salads, Happy
Hour: Mon - Fri, 3 pm - 6:30 pm. VP
Continued On Page 25
24
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 21
#112504120804
THE VALLEY PLANET
LISTINGS
HUNTSVILLE ART LEAGUE GALLERY
MONTE SANO STATE PARK
3005 L&N Drive, Suite 2, Huntsville, 256-534-3860.
Monday-Saturday 10 am - 6 pm; Sunday 1-4 pm.
www.huntsvilleartleague.org. VP
5015 Nolen Ave., Huntsville, 256-534-3757
SCI-QUEST
HUNTSVILLE MUSEUM OF ART
KAFFEEKLATSCH @NIGHT
103 Jefferson Street, Huntsville, 256-536-7993.
Live Music nightly. VP
LICK SKILLET MUSIC BARN
1801 Charity Lane, Hazel Green, 256-828-5666. Live music
Fri. and Sat. Alcohol-free environment. Concessions available. www.lickskilletmusicbarn.com
THE MAIN OFFICE
300 Church Street So. in Big Spring International Park,
Huntsville. Gen. admission fee is $7 for non-members.
Discounts for seniors over 60, military, students with a
valid ID, and groups of 10 or more. Admission is half-price
for non-members on Thurs nights. Members & children
<6 free. Hours 1-5pm. Sunday; 10am-5pm. Mon-Sat;
extended hours on Th 5-8 pm. Call 256-535-4350 or
1-800-786-9095, or visit www.hsvmuseum.org. VP
KP ARTS
100 North Main, Fayetteville, TN (on the square). This
gallery is a co-op. The showing artists work at the gallery
once or twice a month. Come in, check out some great
art and meet an artist. Mon-Sat 10am-5pm.
102-D Wynn Drive, Huntsville, 256-837-0606.
An exciting hands-on science center.
www.sci-quest.org
TENNESSEE VALLEY VIPERS
Arena Football, American Conference Southern
Division. 700 Monroe St, Huntsville, VBC, 256-551-3240.
www.vipersaf2.com
THREE CAVES
Directions: Off California St., turn onto Hermitage, left
onto Kennemer Dr. Call The Land Trust at (256) 534-5263
to reserve your spot on a public cave tour or to arrange a
private tour for your group.
US SPACE & ROCKET CENTER
Ramada Inn, 8716 Madison Blvd, Madison,
256-772-0701. VP
321 S. Jefferson, Athens,256-216-0039. Original
artwork by national artisits. Tue-Sat, 9 am-7 pm. http:
//ladage.dews.net. VP
1 Tranquility Base, Huntsville, 256-837-3400. Open
9am-5pm year round except for Thanksgiving,
Christmas Eve and Day, and New Year’s Eve and Day.
Admissions: Museum only – Adults $12 & Child 3-12 $8,
www.spacecamp.com
MOODY MONDAYS VP
MERIDIAN ARTS (2 locations)
VON BRAUN CENTER
Hwy 231/431, Hazel Green, 256-829-9100 VP
MARTINI’S OF MADISON
718 Church St, Huntsville, 256-533-4005
NEIGHBORHOOD HOT SPOT SPORTS BAR &
CAFE
1407 Jordan Lane, Huntsville, 256-489-5201. VP
OL’ BREWTAHN TAVERN
2704 Johnson Road, Huntsville, 256-880-3714. Live
entertainment. Sunday is NFL & Race Day. VP
OTTER’S
Marriott Hotel, 5 Tranquility Base, Huntsville
256-830-2222. VP
PEANUT FACTORY BAR & GRILL
903 Memorial Pkwy NW, Huntsville, 256-534-7092.
Burgers, sandwiches and steaks. VP
PHILBY’S POURHOUSE VP
111 Jefferson Street, Huntsville, 256-512-5858.
Live entertainment.
ROCKABILLY’S SMOKEHOUSE GRILL
255 Pratt Avenue, Huntsville, 256-489-1831.
BBQ, ribs, chicken & burgers. VP
RUGGBY’S
Deli sandwiches, TVs, darts. VP
SAMMY T’S MUSIC HALL
116 Washington Street, 256-539-9974.
Best Live Music in Huntsville Thu – Sat. Open 6 pm – 2 am.
www.sammytsplace.com VP
SANDY’S ROADHOUSE
(formerly Manhattans) Keep reading the Planet for
grand opening news.12740 Hwy. 431 S, Guntersville, 256571-0450. Happy Hour 10am-7pm. Patio for the bikers,
karaoke, jams.
THE SHACK
105 Swancott Road, Triana 256-461-0227. The bar that
never closes! Live music Friday & Saturday.
SPORTS PAGE LOUNGE & DELI
VP
9009 Memorial Pkwy S, Huntsville, 256-880-9471. Plate
lunches, deli sandwiches. Live entertainment
THE STATION
8694 Madison Blvd., Madison, 256-325-1333. Live
entertainment. Lunch specials. Happy Hour 3 – 8 pm.
Open 7 days a week 11 am – 2 am. VP
STEVE’S BILLIARDS & LOUNGE
2322 Memorial Pkwy, Huntsville, 256-539-8919.
TABU & THE VIP ROOM
7200 Governors West, Huntsville, 256-830-1233.
www.theentertainmentcomplexhsv.com
T-BIRDS CAFE
1792 Hwy. 72 East, Huntsville, 256-852-9191. VP
TWILIGHT ZONE
VP
UPSCALE
VP
2140 Gunter Ave. in the Holiday Inn,Guntersville, 256582-2220
LADAGE ARTISTRY
305-A Jefferson Street, Huntsville, 256-534-7475.
M-F: 10 am – 6 pm, Sat: 10 am – 4pm; and 370 Little Cove
Road, Gurley, AL, 256-776-4300. Tu-F: 10 am – 6 pm, Sat: 10
am – 4 pm. www.Meridianarts.net. VP
MONDO DE TATUAGE GALLERY
Corner of 6th Ave. and 7th St., Decatur
256-306-9099. Fine art with a lowbrow twist. Submission inquiries welcome. Open Noon till 10 p.m., Tue-Sat.
Located inside Ink City Tattoo. VP
MVAC FINE ARTS GALLERY
300 Gunter Ave.,Guntersville, 256-582-1454.
Hours: Mon-Fri 9-4, Sat 10-3.
http://mountainvalleyartscouncil.org VP
2364 Whitesburg Drive S, Huntsville,
256-536-1960. VP
7529-A S. Memorial Pkwy, Huntsville, 256-882-0078.
Native American Arts & Gifts. “Walking the Path of our
People” VP
UNIVERSITY CENTER ART GALLERY
University of Alabama in Huntsville, 256-824-1000
801 FRANKLIN
801 Franklin Street, Huntsville, (Downtown by
Medical Center), 256-519-8019. Dine with fine art.
www.801franklin.com. VP
ATHENS ST. STUDENT UNION ART GALLERY
300 N. Beaty St., Athens, Athens State University,
800-522-0272 VP
ARTISTIC IMAGES
2115 Whitesburg Drive, Huntsville, 256-534-3968.
www.artisticimagesgallery.com VP
CAROLE FORET FINE ART
206 West Market St., Downtown Square, Athens
256-232-2521. www.caroleforet.com VP
DRAGONFLY GALLERY & DESIGN
125 Main Ave. S., Fayetteville, TN, 931-433-3024
THE VALLEY PLANET
3312 Long Avenue SW, Huntsville, 256-539-6829
FLYING MONKEY ARTS CENTER
2211 Seminole Drive, Huntsville, 256-489-7000
Flying Monkey Arts Center is a not for profit community
arts collective that encourages, supports and promotes
the arts. www.flyingmonkeyarts.org VP
FOOTLIGHTS COMMUNITY THEATER
WHITNEY DAVIDSON GALLERY
HUNTSVILLE BALLET COMPANY
WILLIS GRAY GALLERY
HUNTSVILLE COMMUNITY CHORUS
1220 South Memorial Parkway, Huntsville VP 256880-2044. Custom framing, fine art, digital imaging &
photography. www.uptowngallery.com
302 Hoffman St. Athens, 256-216-0903
www.footlightstheater.org
[email protected]
800 Regal Drive SW, Huntsville, 256-539-0961
501 Church Street NW, Huntsville, 256-539-0063
3312 Long Avenue, Fantasy Arts Center, Huntsville, 256533-6606
211 B Second Ave. SE, Decatur, 256-355-7616 VP
HUNTSVILLE SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA
North Side Von Braun Center, Huntsville 256-539-4818.
ALABAMA CONSTITUTION VILLAGE
109 Gates Ave., Huntsville, 256-564-8100. Open daily, 9
am - 5 pm, except Sundays.
AMERICAN INDIAN MUSEUM
LOWE MILL
2211 Seminole Dr., Huntsville, Art, Music, Film and Poetry.
See Calendar for Event Dates
RENAISSANCE THEATRE AT LINCOLN CENTER
2003 Poole Drive NW, Huntsville, 256-852-4524.
www.american-indian-museum.com
1214 Meridian Street N, Huntsville, 256-536-3434.
www.renaissancetheatre.net
BURRITT ON THE MOUNTAIN: A LIVING
MUSEUM
THEATRE HUNTSVILLE
3101 Burritt Drive SE, Huntsville, 256-536-2882.
Summer Hours (April - Oct): Tues- Sat 9am to 5pm Sun
noon to 5 pm. Regular Adm. fee is $5 adult, $4 senior,
military & students, $3 child (children under 2, free).
www.burrittmuseum.com
CATHEDRAL CAVERNS STATE PARK
637 Cave Road, Woodville. 256-728-8193 Open daily at
10 am.
CLAY HOUSE MUSEUM
16 Main Street, Madison 256-325-1018. Tour this antebellum home with “A Walk Through Time”, 100 years of decorative style from 1850 - 1950 featuring Noritake Porcelain.
Business Office. 1701 University Dr, Suite 1, Huntsville,
256-536-0807. www.theatrehsv.org.
CARMIKE CINEMAS
1359 Old Monrovia Road, Huntsville,
256-430-0770. VP
607 Fourteenth Street, Decatur, 256-350-0935
www.carmike.com. VP
MADISON BOWLING CENTER
8661 Hwy 72 W, Madison, 256-722-0015. VP
COVENANT COVE RESORT & MARINA
404 Madison Street SE, Huntsville, 256-564-8100.
GORHAM’S BLUFF
Pisgah, 256-451-ARTS. The Gorham’s Bluff Institute is
a non-profit organization dedicated to providing arts
and cultural activities to Jackson County and Northeast
Alabama.
HARMONY PARK SAFARI
401 Pratt Ave. NE, 256-539-9658
Tues-Fri 10am-6pm, Sat 10am-5pm. Featuring original
art by local/regional artists, handmade jewelry, antiques,
prints and custom framing. VP
7908C Charlotte Drive, Huntsville, 256-883-1105.
www.arsnovahsv.com
UPTOWN GALLERY
EARLYWORKS MUSEUM COMPLEX
5 POINTS GALLERY
ARS NOVA SCHOOL OF THE ARTS
FANTASY PLAYHOUSE CHILDREN’S THEATRE
TWO FEATHERS NATIVE AMERICAN GALLERY
WAREHOUSE BAR & BILLIARDS
4250 Balmoral Dr. SW, Huntsville, 256-881-8878.
www.wingssportsgrille.com VP
300 Gates Avenue SE, Huntsville, 256-536-7718
700 Monroe St. Suite 410, Huntsville
(all performances held at Von Braun Center)
256-518-6155. www.btleague.org
SIGNATURE GALLERY
7001 Val-Monte Drive, Guntersville
256-582-1000 or 888-288-COVE. Home of Blue Parrot
Martini & Cigar Lounge, Bistro La Luna & Wake Factory.
www.covenantcove.com VP
WINGS SPORTS GRILLE
THE WEEDEN HOUSE
BROADWAY THEATRE LEAGUE
2021 Golf Rd, Huntsville, 256-881-8820
Dining & entertainment complex. Huntsville’s only openminded night spot. www.clubupscale.com
1117A Jordan Ln., Huntsville, 256-489-1117
Live Music Friday & Saturday. VP
700 Monroe St. Huntsville, 256-533-1953. Check calendar
for events. www.vonbrauncenter.com VP
431 Clouds Cove Road, New Hope. 1-877-7ANIMAL. Drive
through animal exhibits. Open March through November.
HARRISON BROTHERS HARDWARE
124 Southside Square, Huntsville, 256-536-3631.
Alabama’s oldest hardware store.
HUNTSVILLE BOTANICAL GARDEN
4747 Bob Wallace Avenue, Huntsville,
256-830-4447. The 110-acre garden is open year-round.
Summer Hours, Memorial Day through Labor Day: M-Sat,
9am-8pm; Sun, 1–8pm. $8 Adults, $6 Senior or Military, $3
Children ages 3-18.www.hsvbg.org.
HUNTSVILLE STARS
Joe W. Davis Stadium, 3125 Leeman Ferry Rd, Huntsville,
256-882-2562.
HUNTSVILLE HAVOC
Professional Hockey, Eastern Hockey League. 700 Monroe
Street. Huntsville, AL 35801 (256) 518-6160.
THE LAND TRUST TRAILS
Bankhead Pkwy., Huntsville, 256-534-LAND
Year-round hiking on 547 acres of Monte Sano preserve.
www.landtrust-hsv.org
#112504120804
CHANDLER WHETHAM SALON & DAY SPA
7900 Bailey Cove Road, Ste. 7A, Huntsville
256-881-9573, 256-881-4980 VP
DR. EDDIE’S STEREO OUTLET
6777 Highway 431 S, Hampton Cove,
256-539-5554 www.dreddies.com
THE DREAM MAKER
11220 S. Memorial Pkwy, Huntsville, 256-883-8446. Promoting Harmony & Health through Nature. VP
THE FRET SHOP
309 Jordan Lane, Huntsville, 256-430-4729. Guitar, Banjo,
Mandolin, Sales, Instruction and Repair.
www.thefretshop.com. VP
GARDEN OF HEALTH
Slender quest body wraps, auricular therapy, relaxation &
therapeutic massage, herbal & nutritional supplements,
bath & body products.
GREEN DOOR BOOKS
121 South Marion Street, Athens, 256-216-1005 Books,
Coffee, Music & More. VP
HAVEN: COMICS, ETC.
7185-H Highway 72 W., Madison, 256-430-0505
www.havencomics.com VP
HDK ENTERTAINMENT
North Alabama & Southern TN Premier Mobile DJ/
Karaoke Service. 256-509-2498
HIT VIDEOS & COLLECTIBLES
515 Jordan Lane, Huntsville, 256-830-6654 VP
HUMIDOR PIPE SHOP
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 21
Cigars, Pipes, Pipe Tobacco, Lighters, Accessories, Pipe
Repair. M-F 10-6.
www.humidorpipeshop.com VP
INTERIOR MARKETPLACE
Hwy. 431, Hampton Cove, Huntsville,
256-539-9113 VP
IT’S JUST LUNCH
256-519-3600. Dating for Busy Professionals
LADAGE ARTISTRY
321 S. Jefferson, Athens,256-216-0039.
Hair Salon, Day Spa & Art Boutique. Tue-Sat,
9 am-7 pm. http://ladage.dews.net VP
MAC RESOURCE
1570 The Boardwalk, Huntsville, 256-721-1700.
Apple Computer Specialist.
www.macresource-al.com
MAIN STREET SOUTH
7500 Memorial Pkwy SW, Huntsville. Pick up the Valley
Planet inside, under the clock tower. VP
NAUGHTY & SPICE
7914 S. Memorial Pkwy, Ste E-14, Huntsville (The Village
Center), 256-880-4884. We cater to all your romance
needs.
NEW HORIZONS COMPUTER LEARNING CENTER
620 Discovery Dr, Huntsville, 256-722-0211.
www.newhorizons.com
NONESUCH GIFTS
804 Wellman in 5 Points, Huntsville. A gift shop for openminded people. Celebrating the diversity of cultures and
lifestyles. www.nonesuchgifts.com VP
PAULI’S GOURMET FOOD & WINE CO.
7143-D Hwy. 72 W, Huntsville, 256-722-0071 VP
PEARLY GATES NATURAL FOODS
VP
2308 Memorial Pkwy., Huntsville, 256-534-6233
PRISM SPORTS THERAPY VP
4715 Whitesburg Drive, Huntsville, 256-880-7776
PRO FITNESS
714 Madison St, Huntsville, 256-489-4348
The largest personal training studio in North Alabama.
www.profitness-anytime.com VP
QUEST PERSONALS
256-704-1100. Call, Click, Connect
www.questpersonals.com
RAILROAD BAZAAR (5 locations) VP
200 Oakwood Ave., Huntsville,256-536-1222
7950 Hwy. 72 W, Madison, 256-721-9303
936 US Hwy. 72, Athens, 256-216-9383
1801 Beltline, Decatur, 256-353-8121
RED JASPER SPA
211 A 2nd Ave. SE, Decatur, 256-584-0027
www.redjasperspa.com VP
RED LIGHT VIDEO VP
2900-E Triana Blvd. Huntsville. Huntsville’s newest “All
Ratings” Superstore. VHS, DVD, Novelties, Magazines.
256-536-0482
RELAX 2 O
Madison Square Mall (256) 830-2877
Aqua Massage, Oxygen Bar. www.relax2o.com
ROBBINS MUSIC CENTER
2810 Bob Wallace Ave, Huntsville, 256-539-2474
1-800-569-6718. Mon-Sat 10-6, All instruments. All lessons. www.robinsmusic.com VP
RUSTY STRING GUITARS
820 Bradley St., Decatur, 256-355-6011. Specializing in
used Guitars & Amps, Drumsets. Only Hamer Dealer in
North Alabama. VP
SALON SALON
7525-A S. Memorial Pkwy, Huntsville 256-880-2466.
Waxing & Facials, Hair, Nails (manicures & pedicures),
Tanning, Full Retail Center. M-F 9-5, Sat 9-1. VP
SHAVER’S BOOK STORE
2362 Whitesburg Dr, Huntsville, 256-536-1604 VP
SOUND ON WHEELS
2807 University Dr., Huntsville, 256-533-9422 VP
STRINGS ‘N’ BRASS
409 Pratt Ave, Huntsville, (across from Sonic)
256-533-9088. www.stringsnbrass.com VP
SUNBURST RECORDS
4001 Holmes Ave., Huntsville 256-830-8079 VP
T SHEPARD’S DISCOUNT MUSIC
1900 S. Memorial Pkwy, 256-533-7944. Buy-Sell-TradeConsignment VP
WEST STATION ANTIQUES
112 Main Street, Madison, 256-772-0373.
565 to Exit 8 - Exit North to Main Street.
Hours: Tues-Sat 10-5. VP
25
The Valley Planet Music Exchange is FREE to any individual looking to buy, sell, trade or find bandmates. You
get a headline and 3 lines of text for the low, low price of nothing. If you wish to embellish your ad further, say,
with a small photo (add $5) or more words (add $1 per line), it’s up to you. Now, if you are a business, you gotta
pay a little something, $12 per column inch. Please call Matt Wake at 858-6736 if you would like to put your
business in the Exchange. Email your ads to [email protected] or send them by snail mail to Music
Exchange, P.O. Box 335, Meridianville, AL 35759. NO AD WILL RUN UNTIL PAYMENT HAS BEEN RECEIVED!
Drummer Available, Metal
[email protected]
256.353.8944
Pro Drummer
Seeks country band
Chris @ 256.222.6440
SINGER
Local emo/screamo band
Must be dedicated, age 16-25
Influences: Taking Back
Sunday, Yellow Card, Brand
New, Linkin Park, Blink 182,
The Used. Jeff @ 529.0132
his own lane but was distracted, in that he
was apparently at the time engaged in sexual
intercourse with a female passenger. (Having
intercourse while driving, said a police
spokesman, “makes driving that much more
dangerous.”)
Chuck Shepherd, photo Bob
Baggett Photography
LEAD STORIES
Ultra-Orthodox California rabbi Nachum
Shifren, 53, cuts a dashing figure on the beach
at Malibu, where he is the legendary surfer
“Shifty,” easily spottable on 20-foot waves
by his long beard, according to a September
profile in the San Diego Union-Tribune. In his
spare time (he says he is ready to ride 24/6,
allowing for the Sabbath), he has conducted
“Passover surfaris” and beach bar-mitzvahs,
and his lectures on Deuteronomy include the
observation that “surf punks” paddled out into
the Red Sea during the Jews’ exodus from
Egypt. “The whole religious experience,” he
told the reporter, “the outer body experience,
is encompassed in the act of surfing.”
New Scientist magazine reported in October
that psychologists seem to be reclassifying
people who are permanently uninterested in
sex, from the old notion that such behavior
was a disorder to the emerging position that it
is merely a sexual preference of “none of the
above.” (Asexuals profess no sexual attraction
at all, encompassing loners reluctant to
associate with people and gregarious, caring
people whose natural inclination is to relate
to others nonsexually.) Recent research
estimated that 1 percent of the population
is asexual, and in previous research, 40
percent of asexuals described themselves as
“extremely” or “very” happy. An asexuality
support group (AVEN) touts its best-selling
26
T-shirt, “Asexuality: It’s not just for amoebas
anymore.”
Things People Believe
(1) The sheriff in Tucson, Ariz., warned the
public in August of a gang of women who lure
horny men via newspaper ads into believing
that they can buy a starring role in an adult
video, citing the recent case of a man who
was enticed to send $1,100 to set up a video
shoot, then $7,000 more, then $8,000 more,
and then another $8,000; he quit only when
he learned that the women had persuaded his
parents to pay $20,000 more for their son’s
“acting” career. (2) Lau Yat-fai, a 5-foot-9, 23year-old basketball player in Hong Kong, paid
the equivalent of about US$1,400 for electrical
treatments from two “beauty centers” that
had promised to make him tall. (After filing a
lawsuit, he got a partial refund in October.)
Thinning the Herd
A man’s body was found by divers in the Pend
Oreille River near Newport, Wash., on Sept.
25; sheriff’s deputies estimate that he was
carrying about 40 pounds of beer (a satchel
full around his body, plus cans in his pocket)
but said they would wait for an autopsy
before commenting. And a 25-year-old driver
was killed in St-Joachim, Quebec, on Sept. 24
when another car veered into his lane and
hit him; police said the deceased was within
Can’t Possibly Be True
-- The Muscular Dystrophy Association,
a Tempe, Ariz., real estate firm, and two
charity promoters were sued in September
by Keith Schott, a golfer who had apparently
legitimately made a fully witnessed hole-in-one
during a charity round but who was allegedly
turned down for the widely advertised $1
million prize when the sponsors imposed a rule
that the money shots had to be videotaped.
“Remarkably,” said Schott’s lawyer, “the
defendants changed the rules on the spot.”
-- North Carolina state Sen. Sam Ellis’ bill to
change a section of state law that actually
gives an enormous right to rapists failed in
committee this year, with the result that some
rapists may inevitably go free. If a rape victim
chooses to carry her baby, and then place
it for adoption, state law requires that both
parents agree to the adoption in writing, with
no exception for babies conceived by rape.
Thus, rapists might withhold their consent,
thwarting the mother’s wishes, unless she
agrees not to press charges for the rape.
According to a September Raleigh News and
Observer story, at least three women have
recently been in that situation.
-- The Wall Street Journal reported in
September that Spain’s El Pais newspaper, in a
now-discontinued ad for a 90-day subscription,
had run photos of the New York City skyline,
before 9/11 and after, with the tag line, “You
can do a lot in one day. Just imagine what can
happen in three months.”
Unclear on the Concept
-- Laurie David is the social-activist wife of
“Curb Your Enthusiasm” TV star Larry David,
well known for speaking out on, and rallying
other activists on, environmental issues,
such as the need for energy conservation.
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 21
#112504120804
Bass Player Needed
For original 5 piece rock band.
Must have own gear and be
able to practice 1-2 times/
week. No drugs, no egos.
Influences- Nirvana, Pearl
Jam, Sex Pistols, Radiohead.
Donnie @ 216.0903
Bass Player Needed
Classic rock, blues, originals
233.0619 home,
431.0677 cell
According to a report in the September
Atlantic Monthly, David shuns commercial
airliners to get to her speeches (even though
the increase in fuel usage to carry a person
of her size would be negligible), preferring to
make special trips each time by private jet,
which a New Republic columnist calculated
uses as much fuel in one cross-country roundtrip as a Hummer uses in a year.
-- In September, a Roanoke (Va.) Times story
documented the righteous complaint of Melissa
Williamson, 35, that street construction
noise outside her home in southeast Roanoke,
especially by jackhammers, would have a
harmful effect on her unborn child, then two
months from term. The published Times story
ignited a firestorm of reader mail because
it was accompanied by a candid photo of
Williamson in her front yard, looking annoyed
at the construction mess, but puffing away on
a cigarette.
Creme de la Weird
-- David Roy Truscott, 35, pleaded guilty in
Cornwall, England, in September to three
arsons and a burglary of a farmhouse
near Redruth, but the burglary was less
significant than what he did when he got
onto the property. Police said Truscott had
submerged himself in a manure pit in order to
masturbate. (Also, containers of liquid sludge
were found at his home.) At the crime scene,
two items of Truscott’s were picked up, but of
questionable usefulness given the severity of
his alleged behavior: tissues and rubber gloves.
-- Australian sleep-disorder expert Dr. Peter
Buchanan caused a stir in October when he
told reporters that the odd behavior of “sleep
sex” (leaving home at night in a deep sleep
and seeking random sex with strangers)
would soon be regarded as an official sleep
disorder and be included in the next version
of the sleep disorder manual. Said Buchanan,
anticipating skepticism: “Incredulity is the
first staging post for anyone involved in this
(study).”
THE VALLEY PLANET
The Valley Planet Music Exchange is FREE to any individual looking to buy, sell, trade or find bandmates. You get a headline and 3 lines of text for
the low, low price of nothing. If you wish to embellish your ad further, say, with a small photo (add $5) or more words (add $1 per line), it’s up to
you. Now, if you are a business, you gotta pay a little something, $12 per column inch. Please call Matt Wake at (256) 858-6736 if you would like
to put your business in the Exchange. Email your ads to [email protected] or send them by snail mail to Music Exchange, P.O. Box 335,
Meridianville, AL 35759. NO AD WILL RUN UNTIL PAYMENT HAS BEEN RECEIVED!
LOCKED & LOADED
Seeking drummer and bassist
for rock band.
Call David @ 256.430.1054
GUITARIST
Bassist & Drummer looking
for guitarist for new project.
Loud, aggressive, vintage
rock with old school punk
elements (The Who, Fleshies,
Stooges, Husker Du).
Andrew / Ken @ 894.7107
Pedal Steel Player
Available, Tom Stolaski @
256.420.8807
MUSICIANS WANTED
Versatile, experienced
musicians wanted
Lead guitar, bass, drums,
keys. Practice 1-2 times a
week. Serious inquiry only.
Call Ashley @ 256.931.2111
Experienced
Guitar Player
DRUMMER
needed for collaboration on
melodic rock songs.
Call david @ 256.705.5253
between 8-5
Up to this point these ads
were real. From here on out,
Matt made them up. (notice
the 555 numbers) Please
send us your stuff, so Matt
won’t have to make up more.
First 3 lines FREE!
Least Competent Criminals
-- Police in Edwardsville, Ill., charged David
Wroten, 20, with fraud in September after,
they say, he took out membership in an online
dating service by paying with a check drawn
on the county jail, where he had been held
earlier this year for theft. Wroten, like all
inmates, had been issued a check for the cash
he had on him when he was booked, and he
allegedly copied the check form. Police were
confident Wroten was their man because,
naturally, he had posted a photograph of
himself on the dating service site.
-- Paul Michael Callahan, 32, was arrested in
Boston in August after, according to police, a
short career as a bank robber, which started
badly when Callahan tried to hold up the copy
shop at Boston University, believing it was a
bank. (The clerk asked, “Do you know you’re
in a copy store and all we can give you is
copies?”) Callahan fled but allegedly robbed
a Fleet Bank branch a few minutes later
(getting less than $200) and then a Citizen’s
Bank branch, clearing about $2,500. However,
the red-dye pack from Citizen’s exploded,
distracting him, and then his getaway car got
a flat tire, and police found him hiding in a gas
station.
Readers’ Choice
In September, according to a report in
Tehran’s daily Mardomsalari newspaper, a
local court ordered a husband to stop beating
his wife. However, the Iranian woman,
identified only as Maryam J, said she would
have accepted an order that just limited the
beatings to once a week. “Beating is part of his
nature,” she said, “and he cannot stop it.” The
disconsolate husband said, “If I do not beat
her, she will not be scared enough to obey me.”
Recurring Themes
In September, Floyd Edwards, 78, set out
to drive his friend Ruth Stancil, 62, and
Edwards’ son Clifford from their home near
Erwin, Tenn., to nearby North Carolina towns
for shopping, as they routinely do once a
month. The round trip is usually about 100
miles, but once again, a senior driver became
confused, lost track of time and distance, and
was fearful of stopping. By the time the three
returned, 60 hours later, they had traveled
1,600 miles, as far as an Atlanta suburb,
where Edwards accidentally fell at a gas
station and hit his head, necessitating a call
to police, who were able to help the group turn
around.
More Scenes of the Surreal
(1) According to a September Washington Post
dispatch from a Culpeper, Va., conference of
people obsessed with spotting the alleged, 7foot-tall Sasquatch, which is said to be roaming
the woods of America, many attendees (“East
Coast Bigfoot community”) seem consumed by
the West Coast Bigfoot community’s supposed
arrogance. That is, Western witnesses seem
to regard Eastern witnesses as delusional,
in that Sasquatch obviously lives west of the
Rockies. (2) Thomas Patrick Remo, 50, was
arrested in September in Dallas and charged
with practicing medicine (gynecology) without
a license; Remo had a stream of female
customers who apparently did not think it odd
that the exams were free and that he ran his
office out of a self-storage locker.
THE VALLEY PLANET
People Different From Us
Jackie Lee Shrader, 49, and his son, Harley
Lee, 24, had a brief shootout with .22-caliber
handguns, provoked when the pair confronted
each other over how to cook skinless chicken
for dinner (Bluewell, W.Va., September). And
Niccolo Rossodivita, 62, shot Billy Cordova, 40,
twice in the chest after Cordova followed him
around their house prolonging their argument
over Jesus Christ’s correct name (Wasilla,
Alaska, September). And Angela Morris, 19,
was charged with assaulting her boyfriend by
pouring boiling oil on him during an argument
over a Bible verse the two had been reading
together (Eugene, Ore., May).
#112504120804
seeks band. Influences: Rush,
ELP, and Yes.
Call Phillip @ 555-8765
AUDITIONS
new downtown club holding
auditions for house band.
Must play same song at least
five times nightly. Call Mr. Big
@ 555-8866
ORGAN
organist looking for an organ.
Call Raul @ 555-7733
REHEARSAL SPACE
available for young musicians. Call michael jackson at
555-3542
HORNY
band seeks sax and trumpet
players. All applicants should
be horny. Call 555-4763
LOUD
Loud guitarist seeks loud
band. I love it loud. Call larry
at 555-2244
Our Litigious Society
-- Patricia Frankhouser filed a lawsuit in
Jeannette, Pa., in November against the
Norfolk Southern railway as a result of being
hit by a train in January as she walked on
railroad tracks. Frankhouser, who suffered
various cuts and a broken finger, claimed in
the lawsuit that Norfolk Southern should have
posted signs alongside the tracks warning
people not to walk on them, that trains might
be coming.
-- In August, cardiologist Dr. Lawrence Poliner
won $366 million in damages from a federal
court jury in Dallas because his practice was
virtually shut down through word of mouth
for seven months in 1998, a verdict that
(after subtracting 25 percent in attorney
fees) would reward him with earnings during
the shutdown of $39 million per month. The
shutdown came after a hospital peer review
panel had found errors in 29 of 44 patientcases of Poliner (but he was reinstated after
prominent cardiologists supported him, though
the panel did not retract its initial finding).
-- Frederick Puglisi, 23, was awarded $850,000
by a jury in Ramsey, N.J., in September, for
injuries, including a disfigured hand caused
by frostbite, suffered when he got drunk at
a party, set out on foot, and passed out in
a snow bank. The jury determined that his
injuries were worth $1 million in damages and
that Puglisi was only 15 percent responsible.
(Ramsey police and the Bergen county police
bore greater fault because they had failed to
respond quickly enough to a 911 call about a
man passed out in a snow bank.)
Update
Among the recent idiosyncratic decrees by
Turkmenistan’s megalomaniacal president-forlife, Saparmurat Niyazov: No publicly chewing
“nas” (the country’s popular drug, partly
tobacco, slacked lime and chicken droppings);
television show hosts cannot wear makeup
(because the president said he has difficulty
distinguishing heavily made-up males from
females); and an ice palace will be built in the
heart of the country’s extremely hot desert so
that children can learn to ski.
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 21
My name is Ted. I’m a
bass player with a bad
attitude and an addiction
to methodone. Interested?
555-9782
ORGAN
organist looking for an organ.
Call Raul @ 555-7733
SINGER
Band seeks female lead
singer. Must be unattractive
with terrible voice. Call Peter
@ 555-0205
Almost All True
Three of these four things really happened,
just recently. Are you cynical enough to
figure out the made-up story? (a) Municipal
officials in Amsterdam tentatively approved
a euthanasia-drug home delivery service,
provided that all orders are screened by a
physician before the driver is dispatched. (b)
Boston police arrested a wheelchair-confined
bank robber, who had become paralyzed when
shot during a previous bank robbery. (c) Police
in Lagos, Nigeria, organized groups of officers
into street choirs to help disperse unruly mobs
by singing. (d) A British Medical Association
official warned that hospitals have recently
become “inundated” with serious knife and
broken-bottle injuries among barroom-brawling
women.
Readers’ Choice
Initially, Florida artist Maria Alquilar refused
to correct a series of misspelled names in a
$40,000 historical mural she did for the city
of Livermore, Calif., claiming that “words”
were not important to her art, comparing her
errors to Michelangelo’s “David” (imperfect
in the sense that one of the testicles is lower
than the other). After receiving much hate
mail from Livermore taxpayers, suggesting
that she must have a learning disability for
not detecting “(Albert) Eistein,” “(William)
Shakespere,” “(Paul) Gaugan,” “(Vincent) Van
Gough,” and seven other misspellings, Alquilar
agreed to fix her mural in early 2005 (but
wants an additional $6,000 for her trouble).
Answer to Almost All True: (b), (c) and (d) are
true.
Send your Weird News to Chuck Shepherd
P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL 33679
or [email protected]
or go to www.NewsoftheWeird.com.)
COPYRIGHT 2004 CHUCK SHEPHERD
DISTRIBUTED BY
UNIVERSAL PRESS SYNDICATE
4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111;
(816) 932-6600
27
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 21
#112504120804

30 - Valley Planet

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