December 5, 2013 Issue of KONK Life

Transcription

KEY NEWS
december 5-11
Published Weekly
Vol. 3 No. 49
PUBLISHER
Guy deBoer
EDITOR|DESIGN
Dawn deBoer
NEWS EDITOR
Ralph Morrow
NEWS WRITER
John Guerra
FUNTIMES
Nadja Hansen
PHOTOGRAPHERS
Larry E. Blackburn, Ralph De Palma
EDITORIAL CONSULTANT
Connie Gilbert
CONTRIBUTORS
Guy deBoer Key News
Rick Boettger The Big Story
Louis Petrone Key West Lou
Christina Oxenberg Local Observation
Mark Howell Howlings
ian Brockway Tropic Sprockets
Steve Calderwood Wining the Keys
Kimberley Denney Bitchin’ Paradise
Scott McCarthy The Gadabout
Jenessa Berger Get Your Wellness
Paul Menta Now We’re Cookin’
JT Thompson Hot Dish
Harry Schroeder High Notes
Diane Johnson In Review
Morgan Kidwell Kids Korner
ADVERTISING 305.296.1630
Marc Hollander|305.619.4414
[email protected]
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CIRCULATION
Kavon Desilus ASSISTANT
William Rainer ASSISTANT
KONK Life is published weekly by
KONK Broadcasting Network in Key West,
Florida. Editorial materials may not be reproduced
without written permission from the network.
KONK Broadcasting Network
Key West, Florida
(305) 296-1630 Office
www.konklife.com
Pastor says he
transferred
church monies
KEY NEWS
Traffic signals
to change, help
with traffic flow
RALPH MORROW
NEWS EDITOR
JOHN L. GUERRA
NEWS WRITER
e Rev. John W. McKenzie, the former pastor
accused of stealing more than $54,000 from St.
James Missionary Baptist Church in Bahama
Village, told investigators he transferred money
into an account he could access because
collections during services were down.
is and other details are included in
discovery documents the Monroe County State
Attorney’s Office gave to KonkLife last week.
According to bank records, McKenzie
transferred $40,000 from the church’s equity
account to the general fund on January 22, 2013,
and transferred another $5,000 on March 17. e
general fund pays for church operations such as
salaries and utility bills.
“McKenzie said he made the transfer because
the monthly collections had recently been significantly reduced and funds were needed to run the
church,” investigator Chris Weber wrote in the
charging document.
Merrell Sands, McKenzie’s defense attorney,
was to contact KonkLife this week if McKenzie
| Continued on page 24
With more traffic coming south on U.S. 1
into Key West, time has been added to the
traffic signal to accommodate drivers wishing
to turn left at the convergence of U.S. 1
and North and South Roosevelt boulevards,
reports Dean Walters, public information
specialist for the Florida Department of
Transportation.
Soon, timing of the light at the Overseas
Mark will be also be changed to relieve the
bottleneck between Kennedy Boulevard and
that light.
Over the next two weeks, seawall cap
construction, drainage, new lighting, curbing,
sidewalk and paving installation will continue
on the North Roosevelt project, said Walters.
Also, traffic from Kennedy to the triangle
will be shifting from the “inside” lane to the
“water” side.
With 71.5 percent of the work completed
and a finish date of July 2014 anticipated,
Walters warns that there have been numerous
close calls involving bicycles and automobiles
entering the boulevard.
n BURGLARIES AT A GLANCE page 12
www.konklife.com 3
KEY NEWS
UPFRONT
KEY HAPPENINGS
Keys’ Senator Dwight Bullard:
Give Affordable Care Act time
by C.S. GILBERT
Keys’ Senator Dwight Bullard visited
the southernmost reaches of his district
recently to address a meeting of the
Monroe County Democrats at the
Roosevelt Bloudevard VFW, urging them
to give the Affordable Care
Act, a.k.a. Obamacare, time
enough to take
root and grow.
“Embrace it.
Let it marinate.
Give it time,” he
said metaphorically, sounding
Bullard
exactly like the
educator and ranking member of the
Florida State Senate education committee, that he is. “All good things take time.
is is not a sprint, it’s a marathon, an
endurance race” comparing it to President Kennedy’s early 1960s’ vision of getting to the moon. He didn’t live to see it,
Bullard said, “but by ‘69 we were there.”
Bullard also cited historical precedence
for social programs that faced initial
opposition and took time to win the
public trust. President Franklin Delano
Roosevelt’s Social Security, originally
intended only for widows and war
veterans, “kept many Americans from
falling into abject poverty for the last
50 years.”
Similarly, Lyndon Baines Johnson’s
Medicare and Medicaid now protect the
nation’s elders and poor from death due
to the lack of medical care.
“Imagine 50 years from now—a
society that offers full health care to all
its citizens,” he said.
In 2008, both Obama and Romney
made campaign promises to make
affordable health care a priority.
“Both candidates!” he emphasized.
“e guy who won did it — using ideas
from the guy he beat!”
e suggestion was that the strong
GOP opposition was based on something
other than the merits or demerits of the
program, which was largely based on the
Romney/Massachusetts model, which is
reportedly working well.
Be patient and strong in support
of ACA, Bullard urged.
“Getting health care to 42 million
people isn’t supposed to be easy.”
Answering audience questions, he
condemned outrageous insurance costs,
supporting (as with ACA) policies that
would allow people to purchase coverage
DECEMBER 7
Book sale!
Friends of the Key West
Library holds its first
book sale of the season
9:30 a.m. to 1:30 p.m.
Saturday, December 7,
in the Palm Garden
next to the library,
700 Fleming St. Sale
inventory is the largest
in many years due to
unusually high summer
acquisitions. Tables will
be loaded with hardback
novels, mysteries, bios
and history. Coffee table
books and high-priced
books available at a few
dollars. ere are 30 years
of National Geographic
in matched shelf boxes.
4 www.konklife.com
| MICHAEL MARRERO
December 6
Keys Chorale holiday concert features
high school, Bahama Village talent
e 24th Season of the FKCC
Keys Chorale begins 8 p.m. Friday,
December 6, at the Key West
United Methodist Church, corner of
Eaton and Simonton streets. e
annual holiday concert is a favorite
for choral music lovers and this year
will feature some additional talent.
“Our featured selection this season is the Gloria by composer John
Rutter. It calls for organ, percussion
and brass. Keeping with our tradition of using local talent whenever
possible, I contacted Gary Hernandez, director of the Key West High
School Band, and he is providing
eight of the nine brass players,” said
Dean Walters, artistic director of the
Chorale. “We will have one guest
artist along with them. It’s going to
be extremely exciting. ey’ve been
practicing hard and sound great!
We are also going to have a featured
selection with the Chorale and children from the Bahama Village
Music Program. We are so excited
to be working with our local musical youth.”
In addition to the featured selection, the concert will also have a
great variety of holiday favorites in
the wonderful acoustics of ‘Old
Stone’ church.
In addition to the brass ensemble
from the high school, accompani-
ment will be provided by Jim Cutty
on piano and organ, Donna deForrest on flute, Dave Parker and Brandon Rodriguez on timpani/
percussion. Hulber Gagliardini will
be the guest artist on trumpet.
Soloists include Ginny Barr, Fran
Decker, Linda Greenberg, Monica
Haskell, Barbara Staffen and Sandy
Walters.
Tickets $20. Purchased online,
www.keystix.com, or at MacArthur
Music and Chorale members. If
room available, there will be some
tickets available at the door.
December 5
Garden club meets
Key West Garden Club meets on
1:30 p.m. ursday, December 5,
at West Martello Tower. Topic
keeps with the season, “Designing
with Poinsettias.” Marathon Garden
Club’s Linnea Cunningham, a
Monroe County Master Gardener
and floral designer, shares design
ideas using poinsettias, talks about
Joel Poinsett and provides a brief
history of the poinsettia industry in
the states. A raffle of her designs
will be held. Meeting is free and
open to the public.
| Continued page 26
KEY NEWS
KEY SPORTS
If someone tells you
to leave,it’s probably
best that you go
RALPH MORROW
NEWS EDITOR
If someone doesn’t want you in their
house or in their place of business, it’s
probably wise of you to get the heck out
of there. Even if it’s a bar, and it’s only six
in the evening.
Key West Police Officer Kristopher
Bouvier responded to such a complaint at
Tattoos and Scars Saloon, 512 Greene St.,
on Tuesday.
It seems that a man, later identified as
27-year-old Arthur Dawson, wouldn’t
leave the saloon, although the bouncer
had so requested. In fact, the bouncer said
he had asked the man several times .
Bouvier said when he asked Dawson
for identification, he walked away, disregarding Bouvier’s order to stop. Bouvier
said he asked him a second time and,
when he still refused, Bouvier grabbed
him by his shirt and again asked him for
his identification. is time Dawson, according to the police officer, replied, “You
think you tough, huh? You think you’re
big and bad.”
Well, maybe.
Bouvier determined that Dawson was
intoxicated and could no longer take care
himself. So, the police officer placed him
in the rear of his patrol car. But that
wasn’t the end of the story.
Next up was Dawson’s friend, one Dominique Lashe Joe, 19 years of age. It
seems Joe was very upset that Dawson
was in custody. Bouvier said he told the
teenager that Dawson wasn’t being
charged and that he would be released
from jail within a few hours. Not good
enough. As the officer attempted to speak
to Dawson, Joe attempted to get between
the two, saying, “Let him go. He didn’t do
anything.”
Bouvier said as Joe approached the car
“for the seventh time. I used my right
hand to physically redirect her away from
myself and the patrol car.”
With Bouvier and Joe talking, Dawson
was able to place his feet outside the patrol car. Bouvier told him to get back in
the car and, when he refused, “no less
than three more times, I displayed my
Taser, removed the cartridge carrying the
prongs and turned it on. I instructed Mr.
| Continued from page 11
Pierre leads new era
in KW boys soccer
Key West Conchs
by NANCY COWARD
KONK LIIFE SPECIAL WRITER
With an overall record of 4-2-2 going into the anksgiving break, Key West Conchs’ Boys Soccer Coach Marc
Pierre already has as many wins as the team finished with
last season. Pierre took over the program armed with
little experience, but a whole lot of passion and potential
in his young squad of players.
Pierre and Lady Conchs’ Coach Scott Paul are reaping
the rewards of Key West Soccer Club/KWSC and Key
West’s American Youth Soccer Organization’s/AYSO
travel team programs that have pooled together resources
to compete in Miami-Dade leagues and in club tournaments throughout Florida. is year’s freshman class not
only won Boys and Girls U-14 AYSO State Titles last
year, they are the same group of players who competed
in Cuba two summers ago and won the ESPN Copa
Deportes U-16 Boys Division in Kendall last month.
ings were different a decade ago when Pierre
was playing soccer for the Conchs under Coach Jason
Clifford.
“Kids were not playing soccer in leagues. You just
kicked a ball in the street,” says Pierre. With AYSO
serving over 700 boys and girls and KWSC programs
expanding to younger divisions, Key West’s youth soccer
talent keeps growing.
“e level of play has changed, younger kids are much
more skilled. ere are more organized games and more
opportunities to learn and improve your game,”
according to Pierre.
is year’s Conchs are dominated by underclassmen
including freshman speedster Adam Swiecicki who
already has eight goals and three assists and sophomore
goalkeeper Christian Lee who sat out last year due to a
| Continued page 8
| NANCY COWARD
Key West’s Danny Kearney (No. 2) squeezes between Norland attackers to clear the ball to Jack Behmke.
6 www.konklife.com
THE
MARK HOWELL’S
HOWLINGS
B IG
STORY
SAVING OUR
NATIONAL TREASURE
he treasure: the Everglades, Florida Bay and
our living Coral Reef. ey are a
treasure not only to our state but
the nation as a whole. Agricultural
run off, mainly nitrogen compounds, is ruining our water, plant
life, fish and birds. We now know
that excess nitrogen also is a main
contributor to Global warming, so
nitrogen excess is a huge problem.
New scientific testing has
established that 80 percent of the
nitrogen comes from agriculture
and only 20 percent from septic
tanks.
Recently, the folks up around
the Indian River and its lagoons
have done the most and best
protesting, so the Army Corps
of Engineers has turned the flush
valve our way again, and when that
water is released, full force, it
threatens to destroy our seagrass
beds and reef.
So what can be done? First, all
in South Florida have to insist that
nitrogen-laden water must NOT
be released into Florida Bay. We
must make it clear that if we are
ignored, each and every one of us
will seek reparations for our businesses and home values as a result
of damage done to our ecosystem.
en, “We the People,” meaning of the United States and not
just Florida, should buy back our
land from the sugar plantation
owners (these lands have historically been a large part of the
problem) and use these lands as
water storage and treatment areas
to be researched and studied so
nitrogen-laden, dirty water can,
once and for all, be treated
properly.
T
Today’s various languages all supposhe principal languages on our
edly sprang from way back in Babylon, loplanet today are nine giants
cated in what is today southern Iraq.
shared among 100 million speakers:
e Old Testament’s Book of RevelaMandarin, Spanish, English, Arabic,
tion describes the city as a cesspit of deHindi, Bengali, Portuguese, Russian
pravity that included a woman dressed in
and Japanese. New Guinea, meanwhile,
scarlet sitting on a scarlet beast with letters
has 1,000 of the world’s other 7,000
on her forehead describing her as “Myslanguages still in use. Here at Howlings,
tery, the mother of prostitutes.” is came
we too have multiple mavens of language
after the pre-Christian myth that Babylon
to contend with. For example: “Get it?
was once the center of the world, which in
Got it? Good,” was not said by Danny
the Book of Genesis boasted a tower where
Kaye alone in the movie “e Court
the world’s one language became confused
Jester” as we suggested in last week’s
column. e truth, chides Sheldon David- and broken up among the peoples scattered across the Earth (Hebrew for confuson, our king of the correctors, is that this
line crops up in dialogue between Kaye (as sion is babel).
e reality was actually the other way
the minstrel/jester Herbert Hawkins) and
around. Babeli was Babylonian for “gateBasil Rathbone (as Sir Ravenhurst) with
way of the gods” and its tower now recogco-star Angela Lansbury as the Princess
and Cecil Parker as King Roderick of Eng- nized as King Nebuchadnezzar’s great
land in that classic 1956 movie. Here’s the ziggurat, or stepped tower.
Alexander the Great wanted to rebuild the
short version.
ziggurat but only managed to clear the old
Hawkins: When do we start?
ruins, located about 50 miles
Ravenhurst: Tonight.
south of modern-day Baghdad
Hawkins: Good. I’d like to
— the site most recently of
get in, get on with it, get it
that phrase from the American
over with, and get out. Get it?
lexicon: “Shock and Awe.”
Ravenhurst: Got it.
*****
Hawkins: Good.
In addition to words there
Hawkins: e king’s
are also foods. We now know
chambers may be the key
foods good for the heart are
to the whole plan, get it?
also good for the brain. A
Ravenhurst: Got it.
study in the Annals of NeurolHawkins: Good.
MARK
HOWELL
ogy reported that among 2,258
Roderick: I trust the jester’s
participants (average age 76),
reputation is based on years of
those who closely followed the Mediteraccomplishment?
ranean diet had a 40 percent lower risk of
Hawkins: Why do you think they call
Alzheimer’s disease than those with the
me incomparable, sire? Get it?
least adherence after four years. e
Roderick: Got it.
Mediterranean diet means smaller portion
Hawkins: Good. (snickers with
sizes than the American diet; a focus on
Roderick)
fresh rather than processed foods; a high
Princess: It is a miracle! is is the key
intake of plant-based foods such as vegetato the secret passageway…
Hawkins: We leave at midnight. Get it? bles, fruits, legumes and whole grain;
moderate amounts of nuts, olive oil and
Princess: Got it.
fish (high in monounsaturated and omegaHawkins: Good. Very good.
3 fats); moderate consumption of wine,
Ravenhurst: First, are you sure you can
typically with meals; regular consumption
dispose of my lords Brockhurst, Finsdale
of skinless poultry and low-fat dairy in
and Pertry?
smaller portions; infrequent consumption
Hawkins: Are they married?
of red meat and sweets.
Ravenhurst: Yes…
*****
Hawkins: Order flowers for the
widows. Get it?
Quote for the Week:
Ravenhurst: Got it.
“Any human anywhere will blossom in a
Hawkins: Good. (goes out window)
hundred unexpected talents and capacities
Tally ho! Ho ho!
simply by being given the opportunity to do
*****
so. — Doris Lessing (1919 – 2013) n
T
So it comes down to setting a
price and having our great country
open its wallet to save a treasure of
inestimable value from nitrogen in
the water that creates algae, which
depletes the oxygen, creates red
tides and kills the fish.
Fewer fish starves the birds, in a
great chain of loss and destruction.
Could this miserable Congress
and beleaguered administration
be convinced to leave a legacy
of good, to counterbalance the
disdain which they currently have
in the public eye?
We have a problem in South
Florida of historic, tragic proportions. But one which could be fixed
with a few signatures on a piece
of paper, a simple bill to buy
some nitrogen-rich land, for the
Keys are NOT a toilet.
Once and for all, we in the Keys
and South Florida must insist:
NOTE IN OUR BACKYARD!
n
RICK
BOETTGER
COLUMNIST
www.konklife.com 7
KEY WEST CONCHS IN SPORTS
PIERRE
| NANCY COWARD
Key West’s Adam Swiciecki races
to the ball against Miami Norland.
broken femur. With senior captains Justin Mock and
Donte ompson supported by a towering backfield and
versatile freshman midfielders, Pierre is optimistic that his
team is well on its way to establishing a new winning era
in Key West boys soccer.
Pierre believes the key to taking it to the next level is
passion. “If you’re not playing it, practicing it, or studying
it, you should be watching soccer on television,” he says.
“If it’s your passion, you see what the top players are
doing and then you try to do it. You should work on
touches, practice juggling… I want every player to be passionate, dedicated and work hard. If we can do this as a
team, we will be successful.”
Key West’s AYSO League wraps up its season on Saturday, Dec. 7, with division championship games and closing ceremonies at Poinciana Field.
INFO
www.keywestsoccer.com
| NANCY COWARD
New Key West High soccer coach Marc Pierre discusses
strategy at halftime talk against Miami Norland.
8 www.konklife.com
KEY BUSINESS
IN KEYWEST
COMMUNITY
SPOTLIGHT
Key West Writers Bloc
serves up 35 authors
Key West Writers Bloc presents a premier authors
book signing event 2-5 p.m. Saturday, December 7,
at the Smokin’ Tuna Saloon, 4 Charles St., Old
Town. For the first time in Key West, 35 authors
appear at a single event for one afternoon only,
TV host Jenna Stauffer discovers whodunit
in “Murder in Key West,” a volume of mystery
stories set in the Southernmost City. This pageturner and others available at a book signing event
of 35 premier local and visiting authors.
www.konklife.com 9
Coming
Soon!
K EYS W EATH E R
Recycling progam
Hurricane season now
officially over for 2013
Quietest season in
recent years could
create complacency
e Florida Division of Emergency
Management/FDEM marked the end
of the 2013 Atlantic Hurricane Season
Saturday by reminding Floridians
emergency preparedness does not end
with the hurricane season.
e 2013 Atlantic Hurricane Season
was predicted to be an above average
season with 13 to 20 named storms and
three to six major hurricanes. However,
the 2013 season was the sixth least
active hurricane season since 1950 in
terms of the collective strength and duration of named storms and hurricanes.
“Complacency becomes the real
threat with a slower than predicted season,” said Bryan Koon, FDEM director.
“e last hurricane to make landfall in
Florida was in 2005. e last eight years
have seen an influx of new residents who
may have experienced a tropical storm
and believe this is the same intensity a
hurricane.”
Two storms did impact Florida in
2013. Tropical Storm Andrea made
landfall on June 6 near Steinhatchee
producing flooding and tornadoes.
Remnants of Tropical Storm Karen
crossed northern Florida on October 6.
ere were 13 named tropical systems,
two of which were hurricanes. is is
the fewest number of hurricanes in a
season since 1982. ere were no major
hurricanes in the Atlantic Basin this
year, an occurrence not seen since 1994.
“Florida was fortunate to make it
through another hurricane season
without significant storm damage,” said
Koon. “e models projected an active
hurricane season this year. Many believe
all severe weather threats disappear at
the end of hurricane season. Remember
other threats exist, such as severe
weather, flooding and wildfires.”
e unusually low hurricane activity
was linked to an unpredictable atmospheric pattern that produced more wind
shear over the Atlantic Basin than originally forecast with several occurrences of
Saharan dust from Africa that produced
dry and stable air conditions in the eastern Atlantic, all preventing storms from
forming or becoming exceptionally
strong. Several storm systems along the
U.S. eastern seaboard also helped keep
tropical systems in the Atlantic
from making landfall.
e end of hurricane season introduces the beginning of Florida’s severe
weather and wildfire seasons, as strong
cold fronts move through the state and
typically drier conditions enhance wildfire potential through increasing soil
dryness.
INFO www.FloridaDisaster.org
Key Holidays
COMMUNITY
SPOTLIGHT
Holiday cheer lightens up the Keys
Key West Holiday Fest to New Year’s Eve includes
festivities at Key West Bight Marina, the historic heart
of the island’s seaport commerce and afterdark tours of
decorated bed-and-breakfast inns. Key West Harbor
Walk of Lights shine along the harbor area from
City reminds
residents use
recycle carts
For persons new to Key West
(including winter residents) and
as a reminder from the City of
Key West to all residents, the new
blue recycling cart at your home is
for recycling as part of Key West’s
new 1–1 –1 trash, yard waste and
recycling collection program.
Beginning this past July, the
city moved to single-day collection of trash, separated yard waste
and recycling. All three carts
should be placed at the curb the
evening before the scheduled
collection day.
Continue to use the green
container for trash and the new
blue cart for recycling. Yard waste
should be placed loose in cans
provided by the resident, not in
bags. ose cans should be
marked as “yard waste.”
Remember not to place plastic
bags or Styrofoam of any type
in the recycling cart.
For more information, contact
Will ompson, (305) 809-3776,
or [email protected]
INFO
(305) 809-3776
Greene to Grinnell streets. (Harbor Walk
of Lights on display through December 31.) Nautical
holiday displays and island decorations add seasonal
sparkle to the waterfront.
December 6
n Keys Chorale 2013 Holiday Concert
Keys Chorale presents a holiday concert 8 p.m. Friday,
December 6, at the Key West United Methodist
Church, corner of Eaton and Simonton streets. Tickets
$20 for general admission.
INFO (305) 849-1474, www.keystix.com
10 www.konklife.com
Bullard
BULLARD
that best suited their needs, and predicted that, if the public wants it, a
high speed rail connection between
Key West and Miami within the next
20 years.
e senator urged anyone who
wished to reach him to phone his
Keys’ liaison Tyrell Hall, (305)
815-1153.
Holiday photo a dolphin
at research center
rough Sunday, December 22,
holiday photo a dolphin at Dolphin
Research Center in Marathon.
At the Dolphin Research Center,
Mile Marker/MM 59 bayside on
Grassy Key, participate in the Meet
the Dolphin program and pose with
the dolphins for a holiday photo.
Bring holiday-themed props to
pose with and DRC photographers
will shoot the pictures using high-res
digital cameras.
Program offered several times each
day on a walk-in basis. Cost $25 plus
general admission prices.
Photos supplied on a flash drive:
$20 for one person, $35 for multiple
people in the same shot. Group size
limited to four people.
INFO
(305) 289-1121
www.dolphins.org
December 6, December 13
n Historic Inn Tour
Key West architecture and history touring decorated
island inns, 6-8 p.m. Fridays, December 6 and
December 13. Hosted by the Key West Innkeepers
Association, tours include cuisine from Key West
restaurants and holiday refreshments.
INFO www.KeyWestChristmas.org
www.KeyWestHolidayFest.com
(305) 295-1334
TRAFFIC
KEYWEST
LOU
LOCAL
OBSERVATION
ISRAEL BISSELL
THINGS CHANGE
n L E G A L I T I E S w i t h Louis Petrone
Walters warns automobile drivers to
be especially aware of the cyclists and
pedestrians and for the cyclists and
pedestrians to acknowledge that drivers
may not be aware of their presence.
Listen, my children,
And you shall hear
Of the midnight ride of Paul Revere.
Bodies identified;
deaths appear
murder-suicide
Monroe County Sheriff’s detectives
say they have confirmed the identities of
two people found dead in a car on Big
Pine Key Monday. ey say the circumstances of the deaths appear to be a
murder-suicide.
e bodies of 49-year-old Jim
Ovecka and 54-year-old Michelle Chapman were discovered by an employee of
Mosquito Control at 8:15 a.m. Monday.
ey were inside of a 2004 Honda Element, parked in a wooded area past the
end of Fifth Avenue on Big Pine Key.
e car was running. A hose was taped
to the tailpipe and run into a back window of the car.
It appears from initial investigations,
reported the detectives, that Ovecka
used a handgun to first shoot Chapman
in the head, then shot himself.
Ovecka and Chapman were identified from Arizona driver’s licenses found
in the car, and by fingerprints which
were compared to a set of fingerprints
from Corpus Christi, Texas. e couple
were past owners of a restaurant in that
city and were arrested for stealing a
large amount of money from credit
cards belonging to customers. According
to news reports from Texas, the two
were given 10 years probation recently
for stealing $200,000 and were required
by the courts to pay back a large portion
of the stolen money.
Garcia recognizes
Tuell as ‘Angel’
Congressman Joe Garcia congratulated Kathy Tuell, former president and
CEO of Florida Keys Children’s Shelter
for her recognition as the 2013 Angel
he distinguished American poet Henry Wadsworth
Longfellow made Paul Revere famous when he penned
the above opening lines to his famous poem. One problem, however.
It was not Paul Revere who was the hero in 1775 at the time the first
shots were fired at Lexington which marked the beginning of the
Revolution. It was Israel Bissell. Historians suspect that Longfellow
took a bit of literary license. Bissell did not rhyme as well as Revere.
Paul Revere did make a ride that day. Several men did. Historians
conclude Revere only rode somewhere between 1.5 and 20 miles
shouting . . . To arms, to arms, the British are coming.
Israel Bissell rode 345 miles. e trip took
four days and six hours. He rode from Watertown, Massachusetts, to Philadelphia. e trip
was over the Old Post Road.
Longfellow apparently took further literary
license with the actual words Bissell shouted
. . . To arms, to arms, the war has begun.
Again for rhyming purposes.
Bissell carried with him a message from the
LOU
colonists’ General Joseph Palmer. e message
PETRONE
told of the Lexington attack and what the
COLUMNIST
colonists should do to prepare for the British
invasion. e message also stated that its bearer, Israel Bissell, was
charged with alarming the citizenry. He was to be given fresh horses
along the way as needed. Bissell rode two horses to their deaths on
the four day trip. His first horse died 2.5 hours into the trip at
Worcester. A second died further along the way.
Every community Bissell passed through rang church bells and
fired muskets. Many colonists supported a war with the British and
were happy to know it had begun.
In the 1950s, two columnists writing for the Berkshire Eagle
wrote poems finally giving Bissell credit for the ride. Gerard
Chapman and Clay Perry. Chapman’s poem was appropriately titled
Israel Bissell’s Ride. Certain lines read as follows.
T
Listen, my children, and you shall hear
Of Israel Bissell’s yesteryear:
A port less patriot whose fame, I fear,
Was eclipsed by that of Paul Revere . . . .
hings change, and I felt a
deep sadness when Darko,
my favorite dance partner split town
abruptly, and permanently. Life in Key West
is an evolutionary experience. Tides swell
up the beaches, water nibbling at the sand,
plucking and depositing. Very gradually
everything is constantly inconsistent.
Twirling clouds and twisting topography,
and of course the flux of people. Friends
I have made have moved on, others are
tipping into the beyond. Change is strange
and hard to handle especially since it defies
time. e big stuff often seemingly happens
overnight. Hair turned bright white from
fright. I blinked and looked in the mirror
and there was a complete stranger looking
back at me. Time flying right in my face.
Speaking of Time, one of the Ladies is
sprung from the clink but under house
arrest. To keep her from crawling the walls
I took her beat up broken guitar to be fixed
at e Grateful Guitar store on Duval
Square where a young man clearly weary
from long work hours and burning the ever
shorter candle at both ends restrung it and
tuned it and generally spiffed up my friend’s
guitar. e young man did an impeccable
job so that the instrument shone like new.
To check the strings he plucked a lick of
classical Spanish and my chi transported.
What is it about music?
While I waited, in walked a purple clad
music man frequently seen strumming out
there on Duval Street, late into the night.
His name is Kenyatta Arrington and he is a
Jimmy Hendrix type, and coincidentally he
once knew Jimmy and even played on a
couple tracks with the God that was
Hendrix.
Kenyatta had with him just the very
top part of a guitar neck, he said he had
T
Perry’s poem was titled I. Bissell’s Ride. Certain lines from the
poem read as follows.
Listen, my children, to my epistle
Of the long, long ride of Israel Bissell,
Who outrode Paul by miles and time
But didn’t make a poet’ rhyme . . . .
CHRISTINA
OXENBERG
LEiGH VOGEL photo
www.konklife.com 11
BURGLARIES AT A GLANCE
Burglary figures
show problem
city wide
JOHN L. GUERRA
NEWS WRITER
Key West Police Department’s list of 2013 home and
non-residential burglaries show
that break-ins reveal several interesting facts. e list does not
include December’s burglaries.
Responding to a request from
KonkLife, the police department
provided a look at the number,
dates and kinds of burglaries
reported in the city. Among the
facts found in the eight-page list:
• ere have been 226 burglaries, both residential and nonresidential, from January 1 to
November 18
• Of those, 80 were break-ins to
non-residential structures such
as stores, restaurants, bars and
gas stations.
• Perpetrators broke into 146
dwellings such as houses, apartments and condos. It is not clear
if these include liveaboard boats
or hotel and motel rooms.
• e good news is that only two
break-ins in the entire report
were committed by armed perpetrators. One armed break-in was
at 0 ompson St. on March 14,
while the other occurred May 31
at 2706 Flagler Avenue.
• Not surprisingly, Duval Street
leads the list of burglaries with
20 reported so far in 2013;
Olivia Street — which also sticks
out in casual glances at the list
—saw nine break-ins.
• At first glance, no single street
has an appreciable number of
break-ins over another street.
e flip side of that good news,
however, is that no sector of the
city was untouched by burglaries
in 2013.
12 www.konklife.com
ARTSCALENDAR
Florida Keys Council of the Arts Cultural
Calendar: Send in events by ursday noon
to Florida Keys Council of the Arts
to email address: [email protected]
Key West Happenings
Thursday-Wednesday,
December 5-11
ARTISTS RECEPTIONS/EXHBITIONS
HISTORIC SEAPORT DISTRICT
ART WALK, 6 PM. Christine
Scarsella, 295-9595. Exhibitions &
receptions at galleries & shops
along Fleming, Caroline & Greene
Streets. [email protected]
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 6
Tennessee Williams: The Playwright
& the Painter Opening Reception,
5:30 PM. The Custom House Museum, 281 Front St. 295-6616.
In participation of Friday on Front,
exhibiting a number of Williams’
paintings revealing a different facet
of his life & his talents. kwahs.org
FKCC — Fall Student Art Show Reception, 6 PM Library/Gallery, 5901
College Rd. 809-3194. Ceramics,
paintings, photography & steel
sculptures. [email protected]
UPPER DUVAL STREET STROLL,
6 PM Special art exhibitions & receptions at galleries & shops along
Upper Duval from United to Truman.
Including Susann D’Antonio, Wax
Works Reception at Frangipani
Gallery, Welcoming of Marci McGee
at SoDu Gallery, Kate Peachy &
Karen Moore at The Southernmost
Art Studio, Island Arts, De La
Gallery & Jewelry Designs of Erica
Chenelle at Cork & Stogie.
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 7
Holiday Artisans' Show & Book
Sale, 9 AM The Studios of Key
West, 600 White St. 296-0458.
Handcrafted gifts from jewelry &
wearable art to prints & original
paintings. tskw.org
SUNDAY, DECEMBER 8
Holiday Party, Open House & Book
Signing, 5 PM Key West Art Center,
301 Front St. 294-1241. Members’
art show & book signing with Peter
Bacle, Trapped in Key West.
keywestartcenter.com
SCULPURE KEY WEST 2013-14
Opening Reception, 5 PM
West Martello Tower & Higgs
Beach, 1000 Atlantic Blvd.
18th annual exhibit featuring
17 sculptors & one video artist
to present their works outdoors
in our natural environment.
sculpturekeywest.org
FESTIVALS & FUNDRAISERS
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 6
Bottle Cap Happy Hour Benefit
Sons & Daughters of Italy, 5 PM
Bottle Cap Grove Lounge, 1128
Simonton St. 296-2807.
Benefiting Hospice of the Florida
Keys, American Cancer Society of
the Keys and Key West High School
Scholarship Fund.
bottlecapkeywest.com
City of Key West Holiday Parade,
7 PM Start at Truman Ave. and
White St., then proceeding down
Duval St. and ending at Eaton St.
LITERARY
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 5
Local Authors Book Signing, 6 PM
Lemonade Stand Art Studio, 318
Petronia St. 434-227-9988. lettynowak.com
Local Authors: David Sloan, Sue
Cooper, Ben Harrison, Charlie
Jones, Sherry Sweet T & Letty
Nowak.
FRIDAY-SATURDAY,
DECEMBER 6 & 7
Key West Reader's Rendezvous
Various times & venues in Key
West. 296-9694. Join visiting author
& historian Robert N. Macomber for
a weekend of cultural & seafaring
activities.
Friends of the Key West Library —
Book Sale, 9:30 AM
Library Palm Garden, 700 Fleming
St. [email protected]
KEY WEST WRITER BLOC: Group
Book Signing for Key West Authors,
Susan O’ Neil
‘Christmas in Key West’ oil by
December 8
‘Celebrate the Season’
e Key West Art Center host its annual “Celebrate the Season” opening show
and reception 5-7 p.m. Sunday, December 8, at 301 Front St. Annual show features new works in media variety from artist members shown throughout the
gallery. All artwork is created in the Florida Keys. Local commercial fisherman
and author Peter Bacle will sign copies of his new book, “Trapped in Key West.”
Key West Art Center is a nonprofit community art gallery open 10 a.m. to 5
p.m. daily. INFO www.keywestartcenter.com
2 PM Smokin Tuna Saloon, 4
Charles St. More than 30 authors.
keywestauthors.com
LECTURES
TUESDAY, DECEMBER 10
KWBGS — Speaker Series, 5 PM
Key West Botanical Garden & Tropical Forest, 5210 College Rd. 2961504. keywestbotanicalgarden.org
Raised Bed Vegetable Gardening
by Jody Smith Williams.
CLASSES & WORKSHOPS
THURSDAYS
Plein Air Painting Classes in
Sugarloaf, 9:30 AM Jim Salem,
394-5555.
Voice Classes - Private or Group
Key West Montessori Charter
School, 1400 United St. Victoria
Hernandez, 786-519-9517.
All ages, from beginners to
professionals. Call to schedule.
vocalandstagepower.com
TUESDAYS
Key West Still Life & Life Drawing
Combo Workshops, 11 AM
FKCC, 5901 College Rd.
www.konklife.com 13
609-884-3474.
PAINTING BOOT CAMP with Rick
Worth, 2 PM & 6 PM The Studios of
Key West, 600 White St. 296-0458.
Step by step painting, all materials
provided. tskw.org
THEATER
THURSDAY-FRIDAY,
DECEMBER 5-6
SATURDAY-SUNDAY,
DECEMBER 7-8,
MATINEES 2 PM
The Little Mermaid Jr., 7:30 PM
Key West High School Auditorium,
2100 Flagler Ave. Mac Arthur Music,
294-9329.
60-minute musical based on the
2008 Broadway production & the
1989 animated feature film.
keyskidskeywest.com
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 6
Stand Up, With A Little Class Opening, 8 PM Red Barn
Theatre, 319 Duval St. Rear. 2969911. Celebrate with Comedian
Eddy Sarfaty & his Stand Up Comedy Workshop.
redbarntheatre.com
SHORTANSWERS
JEFF JOHNSON n PAULA FORMAN
A home not a hothouse
Dear Short Answers: A number of my
friends have started using those new
electronic cigarettes. I realize they don’t
emit any smoke and are safe for other
people to be around, but I still find them
annoying and don’t want my children
to think they’re okay to use since they
still, as far as I know, have nicotine in
them and can cause cancer. So I don’t
allow anyone to “smoke” them in my
home. Most friends comply, but I have
one friend who makes a big fuss, and
thinks I’m crazy. It’s my home. Can’t
I make the rules? My House
Dear MH: Yes, it’s
your house and, yes,
you get to make the
rules. But we think
you’re crazy, too!
If you want to share
your home with
others, you have
to give them some
breathing room —
this is also a good
J&P
lesson for kids.
No one loves a whiner
Dear Short Answers: I have a lot
of women friends in their 40s who
constantly complain they can’t keep their
house warm, or manage their money, take
care of their kids or cars, too broke to buy
food but too lazy to start a garden, and
on and on. I just don’t get it. Should I
ever say how I feel about this or just back
away from these types of friendships?
Silent Sufferer
Dear SS: Go with your instincts;
if you want to say, “LAZY BITCH —
GET YOURSELF TOGETHER, GIRL”
— we understand. If you want to say,
“Oh, poor darling, sorry you made
unfortunate choices,” that’s okay with us,
too. Or, if you feel like putting in the
time — say, “What part of your problem
would you like to work on?”
No kind deed goes
unpunished
Dear Short Answers: When a new
family moved into the house next door, I
was very welcoming. We brought them a
housewarming gift and invited them and
their kids to come over “any time.” I now
totally regret those words. e minute my
kids leave for school, the wife comes over
for coffee. When their kids get home,
they come here FIRST for a snack and
play video games. After dinner, the
husband comes over to watch football
with my husband. I can’t lock the door
and pretend we’re not home because they
know when we’re here. MAKE THEM
STOP!!!! Help Me
Dear Help: ese people are being
abusive and they know it — even if you
don’t. REBOOT — tell them the
informality isn’t working for you, but you
will invite them all to dinner as soon as
you can.
PTSD
Dear Short Answers: I have two good
friends who are getting a divorce and
absolutely DEMANDING that everyone
take sides. It’s a small town and one party
definitely knows if you’ve even talked to
the other person. e truth is that I’m
much closer to the wife than to the
husband. Should I try to treat them both
equally, or give in to the wife’s demands
and avoid even speaking to her ex?
Don’t Know What to Do
Dear KKWTD: Give every one a bit
of time to get over their trauma but try
to avoid participating in what is really
THEIR drama. ey don’t get to choreograph your behavior, so be sure you
behave in a way you feel is honorable.
Being a sport
Dear Short Answers: I am not a
football fan. I know it’s early in the
season, but I’m already dreading it.
What do I do for the Super Bowl?
Sue
Dear Sue: Read a book and don’t rain
on THEIR parade.
Life is complicated. “Short Answers” isn’t. Send a
question about whatever is bothering you to
[email protected]
or go to www.shortanswers.net and a psychologist
and sociologist will answer. A selection of the best
questions will be printed every week in KonkLife.
Jeff Johnson received his Ph.D. in psychology from
New York University. He has worked as a psychologist
for New York State, New York City and federal government. He also taught at the graduate level. Along with
Paula Forman, he wrote “The Hourglass Solution: A
Boomer’s Guide to the Rest of Your Life” published
2009. He is a graduate of Williams College and lives in
Key West. Paula Forman worked as a professional
“trend spotter” with high-profile clients. More recently
she taught sociology at New York City University.
Currently she lives and writes in Hudson, N.Y.
SHORTANSWERS SHORTANSWERS
14 www.konklife.com
Old Island Restoration Foundation
LARRY BLACKBURN | photographer
Old Island Restoration Foundation bids farewell to
Cork Tarpley outgoing Executive Director.
McConnell’s Turkey Bash Party
RALPH DE PALMA | photographer
The Love Lane Gang performs
n MORE Photographs, page 21
december 5-11
(COUNTERCLOCKWISE)
Hog’s Breath Saloon
Copper Sky
Schooner Wharf Bar
Paul Cotton
Smokin’ Tuna Saloon
Rusty Lemmon
www.konklife.com 19
FUNTIMES
The Nina Newton Band
Continued from page 19
Hog’s Breath Saloon
400 Front St., (305) 296-4222

all-encompassing experience
of music with a mix of genres
and original songs.
Paul Deakin
Dec. 9-15,
Uncle Daddy Band, 10 pm-2am
Drummer Paul Deakin, one
of the original members of
the Mavericks, and his band,
Uncle Daddy are joined by their
friends for nights of old-time
rock ‘n’ roll on the Hog’s outdoor stage.
Dec. 6
Sunset Pier Unplugged 1pm
Dec. 7
Sunset Pier Unplugged 6pm
Dec. 8
The Nina Newton Band 1pm
Dec. 9-12
Robert Albury 6pm
McConnell’s Irish Pub
900 Duval St., (949) 777-6616
www.SouthernMostIrish.com

Mondays
Monday Night Football
Tuesdays
Fiona Malloy (Irish & American folk) 8-11pm
Wednesdays
Bobby Enloe 9pm-1 a.m.
Thursdays
Trivia 7-9pm
Bobby Enloe 9pm -1 a.m.
Fridays
Love Lane Gang
8pm-Midnight
Saturdays
Tom Taylor (Acoustic
Classics) 8pm-Midnight
Sundays
River & Tiger on the patio
4-7pm
Ocean Key Resort’s
Sunset Pier
Zero Duval (305) 296-7701

Dec. 5
Sunset Pier Unplugged 1 and
6pm
20 www.konklife.com
McConnell’s Turkey Bash Party
RALPH DE PALMA | photographer
www.konklife.com 21
TROPIC SPROCKETS
ARTSYEVENT
Art! Key West!
n I N R E V I E W W IT H
Ian Brockway
e Book ief
lthough Markus Zusak’s
“e Book ief ” rushes to
the screen with more than a bit of Spielbergian sentimentality, the film makes
amends with its solid performances by
Ben Schnetzer, Emily Watson and Sophie
Nelisse (Monsieur Lazhar).
Brian Percival (Downton Abbey)
directs this adaptation with a provocative
premise: here is Germany on the eve of
war in the mid-1930s from the perspective of the German people. is is one of
the few mainstream films with that exclusive point of view, not to mention the
other unconventional trait of having the
specter of Death as the narrator (as featured in the book). Despite these daring
touches, Percival plays it a bit too lukewarm in the manner of Spielberg’s
“Warhorse.”
Death makes a cozy pajama mate like
Allistair Cooke in “Masterpiece eater.”
e reaper is a friend rather than a villain.
e train blanketed with creamy snow
seems hurtling towards Christmas rather
than e ird Reich. And the iconic
street is gingery and warm with cobbled
and sweet houses out of omas Kinkade.
Yet in spite of these syrupy trappings,
there is a beating heart. e young
adorable Liesel (Nelisse) is sent to live
with foster parents: the earnest, but inwardly playful Hans and the stentorian
Rosa (Geoffrey Rush and Emily Watson,
respectively) Liesel avoids Rosa, but instantly takes to the quiet but quirky
Hans. Liesel has been knocked mute by
sadness: her brother is suddenly struck
down by a sudden nosebleed, and she is
given up by her enigmatic mother. Illiterate, the young girl is transfixed by the
mystery of words and begins to snatch
books, sometimes surreptitiously or
sometimes in plain view. Liesel is badgered, teased and assaulted at school, but
she holds her ground, a hellion with
heart. Sinister red and black flags of the
swastika blow about at every turn, but
rather than comment upon it, Liesel sees
books as her incline, her passage to free-
A
by C.S. Gilbert
dom. e Nazi Party is seen realistically
enough as ultra-officious arrogant and
nasty, but we get precious little real interaction or drama between them and the
youngsters which could have been interesting. Instead, the adult soldiers are faceless brutes who block Liesel and her
young Romeo Rudy (Nico Liersch)
throwing them to the ground.
Rudy has a novel and startling episode
when he imagines himself the Olympic
runner, Jesse Owens. e cherubic and
Aryan Rudy actually paints himself with
mud in an effort of identification and the
film does a masterful job in showing this
young boy portraying Owens in tribute in
an era of racial hatred and genocide.
It is the most stirring part of the film.
But then this astonishing aspect is left behind. Hans takes in a fugitive Max
(Schnetzer) who further teaches Liesel to
read and fosters her creativity. Schnetzer
is gaunt and sensitive and he has an authentic rapport with Nelisse. Liesel is an
expert at ferreting away books and the
two begin to have literature parties with
the spirit of H.G. Wells.
ere is a Nazi book burning fire that
is strangely half spooky and half Rockwellian (if that’s possible) with the blond
curled Liesel looking with a melting
earnestness at the scorched books with
her overlarge eyes ala Walter Keane. ere
is even a bit of comedy as a singed and
fiery book is pulled from her jacket and
tossed by Hans’ hands. Max is forced to
vacate by the SS, but he flees undetected.
Liesel escapes to the house of the
Burgermeister which is a library for
Liesel, presided over by the kind Ilsa (Barbara Auer). Despite some violence by the
SS, things progress in kid gloves with
dark pathos largely ignored. Rosa softens,
her warmth coming predictably to the
fore while the two young scofflaws take to
the meadow and shou, “I hate Hitler!”
Rather than focus on the earth-shattering
hatred of genocide, war and what that
might mean to the German children, the
film focuses on imagination and the
power of words in the manner of
“Fahrenheit 451.” is is compelling in
itself, but when it is handled with sentimentalized closeups and shadowy spaces
with non expressive Nazis in technicolor,
the pages appear just a fold too flat. n
22 www.konklife.com
e second annual Art! Key West! opened with an energy that earned its
exclamation marks last evening. As with most festivals and conferences
worth attending, there was simply too much interesting stuff offered to
begin to attend it all.
As kickoff we chose BottleCap’s every Friday charity happy hour, which
supported the ballet: “Nutcracker Key West,” presented biannually, was in
its fallow year, but fundraising continues. Creator, costumer and producer
Joyce Stahl was on hand and she and her elves had decorated the Groove
Lounge as elegantly as we’ve ever seen it, a fantasy of holiday décor and
teddy bears. Attendance was disappointing, but they’ll have another shot at
it on December 20, the Cap’s Queen Carolyn Sullivan said. Come on,
folks. is is a project which deserves support.
So, too, not incidentally, are
two other upcoming dance concerts: the KW Contemporary
Dance eater with the support
of Coffee Mill Dance Studio at
Tennessee Williams eater on
Fri., December 6 — damnably a
direct 8 p.m. conflict with the
Keys Chorale’s holiday concert at
Old Stone Church — and Allison
Mayer FKCC troupe, with pros
imported from Miami, soon after.
Stay tuned.
Back to Art! Key West! e
opening reception at the Pottery
Factory at Truman and Grinnell
transformed that corner strip mall
into a real Happening from the
‘60s or ‘70s; there was the pottery
gallery opening, featuring some excellent painting and multi-media collage
as well, the Under 25 debut, best left undiscussed, and a carnival outside
including surrealistic projections, live mural painting, and some excellent
samples of designer rum by Papa’s Pilar (check out Dark and Stormy and
Blonde and Stormy—not much difference, seemed to us; both were
yummy).
en we were off to the Coffee Mill for both a performance by their accomplished youth troupe (sorry, no program for IDs) dancing to bits of
“Nutcracker,” and finally a quartet of bravura short performances by the
superbly accomplished actors of Key West Fringe. Special mention to Annie
Miners and Ross Pipkin for a duo of excellent monologues—and to Peggy
Montgomery for both an almost-monologue and—perhaps more difficult—a role in which she has to do nothing but sit and react to Miners’ nuanced tonguelashing.
Remember that Fringe KW opens its 2013-14 season with the unfortunately adolescently titled “Cock” — the locally resonant metaphor is in fact
a cockfight, which we think would have made a much better title—running
at TSKW two weeks only, December 4-7 and December 11-14. Tickets
available from keystix.com.
Art! Key West! continues throughout the weekend, with events surrounding Lower Duval all day tomorrow, a highlight of which will be the
Custom House’s 4 p.m. unveiling of their bevy of muralists and a subsequent Block Party. Y’all come! n
ARTSCALENDAR
Florida Keys Council of the Arts
Cultural Calendar: Send in events
by ursday noon to Florida Keys Council
of the Arts to email address:
[email protected]
Key West Happenings
Thursday-Wednesday,
December 5-11
THEATER
SUNDAY, DECEMBER 8
Story Slams: Holidaze, 8 PM
Little Room Jazz Club, 821 Duval
St. 302-540-6102. Hear a true
story, tell a true story, judge a true
story brought to you by TheatreXP.
keyweststoryslams.com
WEDNESDAYS-SATURDAYS,
THROUGH DECEMBER 14
Key West Fringe Presents: Cock, 8
PM The Studios of Key West, 600
White St. 295-7676.
A provocatively titled play about an
unlikely love triangle.
keystix.com
MUSIC
THURSDAYS-SUNDAYS
In the Cabaret & Jazz in the
Gardens, 5 PM The Gardens, 526
Angela St. 294-2661.
gardenshotel.com
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 6
Florida Keys Chorale Holiday Concert, 8 PM United Methodist
Church, 600 Eaton St. Dean Walters, 849-1474. keystix.com
Featuring music from composer
John Rutter, including Gloria, &
members of the Key West High
School band.
LOVE LANE GANG, 8 PM
McConnell's Irish Pub & Grill,
900 Duval St.
SUNDAY, DECEMBER 8
The Revivalists, 7 PM Sunset Pier,
Zero Duval St. 95-7676.
keystix.com
DOUG & SKIPPER DUO,
9:30 PM Virgillio's, 524 Duval St.
296-1075.
MONDAY, DECEMBER 9
The Retros, 9 PM Virgillio's, 524
Duval St.
TUESDAY, DECEMBER 10
KOPAVI, 9 PM Virgillio's, 524 Duval
St. Richard Tazewell, Skippo &
friends. Pop, rock, Brazilian fusion
& island roots.
WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 11
South Florida Symphony Orchestra
— Meet the Maestra!, 1 PM Square
One Restaurant, 1075 Duval St.
954-522-8445.
Bring ideas in an open forum on
how we can better serve the
community & fill the concert halls.
southfloridasymphony.org
WEDNESDAY-THURSDAY,
DECEMBER 11-12
Key West High School Band Winter
Concert, 7 PM Key West High
School Auditorium, 2100 Flagler.
WEDNESDAYS
Show Tunes on the Beach, 4 PM
Salute, 1000 Atlantic Blvd. 2921117. Bobby Nesbitt & Skipper
Kripitz.
NIGHTLY
Jazz Entertainment — Tavern 'N
Town, 5 PM Marriott Beachside,
3841 N. Roosevelt Blvd.
n
KEY NEWS
ANGEL| Continued from page 11
in Adoption by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute. Garcia nominated Tuell for the designation which is given to individuals nationally whose efforts have contributed greatly to helping children without permanent, loving
families. Before resigning and moving to Oklahoma, Tuell had been the chief executive of the Florida Keys Children’s Shelter since September 1995, making it a
personal mission to help more than 500 at-risk, homeless and needy children annually. In addition to her duties at FKCS, Tuell served as president of the Florida
Network of Youth and Family Services, a federation of 22 child-serving agencies
in the state. Tuell also served on the National Youth Policy Council and on the
Youth and Family Services Network Board. INFO www.fkcs.org
www.konklife.com 23
PRESIDENT JOHN F KENNEDY
Oswald didn’t die
Part II
n by Trinidad Joe
e real story, or just
a short story, and an
excerpt from the novel,
“Ponytail Gangsters
Revenge”
JOHN GUERRA
agreed to an interview with the newspaper.
Sands met with his client but has not contacted
KonkLife.
Prosecutors are looking into whether
McKenzie may have used church money for a
farm owned by his family. According to
Florida’s Division of Corporations, McKenzie is
president and chairman of McKenzie Brothers
Farms Inc., which was incorporated on July 31,
2012. e company’s address is 2007 Staples
Avenue in Key West.
Articles of Incorporation list other members
of his family as officers: Willie J. McKenzie, director; Alonzo McKenzie, vice president; Alfred
A., James A. and Danny L. McKenzie are officers without title.
A source familiar with the case said John W.
McKenzie may have used the money from the
church to make mortgage payments on a produce farm.
According to prosecution documents,
McKenzie’s alleged theft began in July 2011
after a financial secretary for St. James resigned
her post. Being unable to perform her duties,
she handed the church’s checkbook and financial records over to McKenzie for safekeeping.
McKenzie then hired Jacqueline Williams as financial secretary. Williams refused to cooperate
with investigators.
“ere are no statements from her, either
recorded or written,” assistant prosecutor Mark
Kohl wrote KonkLife in an email last week.
Investigators believe McKenzie either received or gave himself pay advances — some as
much as $10,000 — the same month he hired
Williams to be financial secretary. By the time a
church trustee complained to prosecutors in
June 2013 that McKenzie was “emptying the
bank account,” the pastor and Williams had
written checks totaling $121,857 which exceeded the pastor’s pay by $54,657, investigators said. McKenzie was paid $700 a week.
He was subsequently arrested and charged
with theft. He was released pending trial and
has pleaded not guilty. He goes on trial January
13.
Bank records show large advances from the
church’s accounts to McKenzie in rapid succession. In March 2013 alone, McKenzie received
hese two
decisions
made it much easier for
Oswald and the other gunman on the ‘grassy
knoll’ to have clearer views of their target.”
“So,” cross-examined Tony, “you go along
with the theory about a second shooter on the
‘grassy knoll’?”
“It’s much more than a theory. An eyewitness testified that he had a clear view of two
men behind the fence. en he saw a puff
of smoke or a gun barrel flash. Two experts
recreated it for the first time recently and said
it was possible.”
“Since an investigation is suppose to examine all of the evidence, it’s very strange that no
one ever did that before.”
“Well, many people wanted it to be only
Oswald. Somehow this witness and 17 others
all died within a few years. Some of the deaths
were highly improbable. Also, Kennedy had
bullet wounds in his back, his throat and his
head. Several creditable witnesses, including
Texas governor, Connelly, swear they heard
three shots close together.”
TJ joined in. “I saw a program about that
recently. ey did a very realistic simulation.
Several ballistics experts and military sharpshooters concluded it’s impossible for one man
to fire three shots that fast with that type of rifle
and hit a moving target, too.”
Tony asked, “What’s so different about that
rifle? It’s not an automatic. After you fire, you
must eject the cartridge, move another bullet
into the chamber, aim and shoot straight then,
repeat the process to fire again. Plus,” added
Tony, sitting on my bed, “all of this was done
within a few seconds.”
“Yep. e bullet that hit Kennedy in his
back passed through his body and the seat and
hit Gov. Connelly, too. It wasn’t a magic bullet.
It only had to go in one direction.”
TJ told us, “Later Kennedy’s head moved in
the wrong direction — backwards. at would
be more consistent with the entry bullet wound
in his throat which had to come from another
direction. Maybe, that caused the exit damage
to his head.”
T
24 www.konklife.com
WINING
THEKEYS
TRINIDAD JOE
“Wow, I thought I
knew everything I needed to know
about this,” said Tony. “So, maybe,
the real reason why Americans can
go to Moscow, Berlin and even
Vietnam but not Cuba is because
the American government thinks
that Castro was behind the
Kennedy assassination.”
“I won’t be surprised,” said TJ,
peeking out the window. “ey
did try to kill him a few times, and
there was the Bay of Pigs invasion.
Plus, Oswald had been in Cuba.”
“I wonder if when they exhumed Oswald’s grave in ‘81 (fact)
if they did find out it was the
wrong body? If so, they kept it a secret.”
“I didn’t know they did that,”
said Tony, impressed by my knowledge.
“Another mystery, when Hitler’s
skull was examined several years
ago, they found out it wasn’t his.
It’s a woman’s. Maybe, his wife or
??? Remember, the Boys from
Brazil?”
I smiled because I was really
enjoying this.
“Oh yes, the plot thickens. e
man in Dallas also told me that
Sirhan Sirhan was supposedly the
lone shooter of Robert on June 5,
1968, with a .22 caliber gun that
could only hold eight bullets but
about 13 shots were fired.”(Fact).
TJ couldn’t resist screaming,
“No way!?!”
“Plus some of the slugs they
found in the walls and ceiling were
from a .38!” (Fact).
“So,” said TJ, sitting down for a
minute, “there’s massive confusion
about both killings.”
“Oh yeah! Plus, a mysterious replacement bodyguard showed up to
work that night for the first time.
He was standing right behind
Robert when he was fatally shot in
the back of the head from about
two inches away.”
“How do they know that?”
“He had powder burns on the
back of his neck.”
“Damn!”
“And Sirhan was never behind
Robert.”
“So he couldn’t have done that.”
“No, but he did shoot him twice
in the side before he was tackled.
Somehow five people were
wounded.”
Tony carried on the cross-examination.
“I thought only Robert got
shot.”
“Nope,” I declared loudly. “So
how could a lone little gunman
with one regular gun, not an Uzi or
automatic, fire all those shots in
that little time and wound five
people?”
“I don’t know,” he replied shaking his head.
TJ suggested, “Maybe they were
standing in a line.”
“Even so,” I explained, “a .22
caliber bullet can’t pass through
four people, not even kids. And remember,” I concluded, “that three
men, including Rafer Johnson and
big Rosie Greer, a former Olympic
decathlon champion and a former
NFL football lineman, jumped on
Sirhan almost right away. Some
said he kept shooting wildly until
the gun was empty.”
“Yeah, that’s probably how the
other five people got shot.”
“Yep! By the way, the same new
bodyguard had a .38 revolver that
one witness said she saw smoking,
like it was fired. It was in the police
report but no one questioned him
about it. I can’t believe that no one
ever checked to see if Sirhan and
the guard were connected. I would
have looked for a connection to Oswald, too. It was less than five years
after John was killed.”
Tony is so excited that he can’t sit
down. “I want to know why the
regular bodyguard wasn’t working
on such an important night.”
“Me too,” added TJ. “Also, who
made the arrangements? Why he
was there? Why this guy? Who
knew? And, when did they know?”
Tony asked us, “Do you know
how many people have been killed
by their bodyguards? A lot! India’s
Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was
in 1984 and Al Capone’s crime
Coonawarra and Nuriootpa
— ya just can’t make these
names up
or the last couple of weeks
we’ve been taking a look at
Australia and its wine regions. To once
again emphasize why we’re doing this, it’s
because as early as four years ago these
wines were widely available in the United
States, but due to a rising Aussie dollar, a
falling reputation for quality and exceedingly poor brand management, the good
wines of Australia have almost disappeared from shelves in the United States.
is happened as insipid wine companies (I refuse to call them wineries) produced insipid wines in mass quantities
that they then shipped off to us. Probably
the best example is Yellow Tail wines.
ese piles of rat droppings were
shipping us 112,000 cases in 2001, and
by 2005, that number had grown to
7.5 million cases. Why? Because we
bought it.
e other major event that occurred at
this time was Fosters brewing went on a
giant wine buying blitz. ey bought
Penfolds, Lindeman’s and Rosemount,
all which were huge wineries but still
created some absolutely outstanding juice.
Well, Fosters was more interested in
quantity than quality and soon, they
started building a reputation as a Yellow
Tail competitor (and the rising AU dollar
didn’t help). Soon Fosters figured out it
had no business being in wine, so they
took a huge write off and spun the wine
business off into a new company called
Treasury Wine Estates. ey haven’t been
much better at managing these brands;
in fact, they recently (and controversially)
took a $160 million write-down and
destroyed tens of thousands of bottles
of wine inventory. (Cheap swill won’t last
more than a year or two).
But, as I stated last week, now the
Aussie dollar has retreated back to its
historical rate against the U.S .dollar ,and
they’re starting to return to quality wines.
F
I’m now seeing a lot more in the shops
than I have on a long time. So, with all
that said, let’s continue our travels
through the land of Oz; this time with
South Australia, the home of Coonawarra
and Nuriootpa.
As you can tell, the Aussies are about
as creative as you can get when it comes
to names of places. Actually, it’s the Aboriginals (the indigenous people of the
country) that named them and, Lord, do
they have a strange dialect! So what did
the Aussies name the state that these areas
exist within? South Australia. Yep, the
Abos have all the creativity in names, but
boy can the Aussies get creative when it
comes to winemaking.
South Australia is the most important
of the states when it comes to wine. It’s
responsible for over 50 percent of the
country’s wine and has some of the most
renowned appellations and most of them
surround the state capital, Adelaide.
Arguably the most important of these
is the Barossa Valley. Situated 35 miles to
the northwest of Adelaide with the town
of Nuriootpa being the main town, it is
the home to Penfolds and Henschke,
two of the country’s most prestigious
producers . And here, Shiraz is king.
STEVE
CALDERWOOD
To receive Smokin’ Vines, a listing of all food
and booze events in the Keys, send name and
email to [email protected]
W I N E A B I T, Y O U ‘ L L F E E L B E T T E R
www.konklife.com 25
UPFRONT
KEY HAPPENINGS
n
W I N I N G THE KEYS
Firefighters honored
for their support
ree Key West Firefighters were
honored Tuesday for their role in
supporting the Army’s Special Forces
Underwater Operations School. Capt.
Wayne Owen and Firefighters Jason
Bogeoff and Keith Durden were cited
for their help in a recent successful
Family Day event.
Major Sam Kline, commander of the
U.S. Army Special Forces Underwater
Operations School, and company Sgt.
Major John L. ies presented the firefighters with certificates of appreciation.
Maj. Kline thanked them, noting that
firefighters and the families who provide
their support system are often the unsung heroes in a community.
STEVE CALDERWOOD
Sgt. Major John L. Thies, above left, Firefighter Jason Bogeoff, Capt. Wayne Owen
and firefighter Keith Durden recognized by Major Sam Kline and U.S. Army Special
Forces Sgt. Robert L. Sherry for their role in supporting the Army’s Special Forces
Underwater Operations School.
COMMUNITY
SPOTLIGHT
WRITERS
including high-profile visiting authors
such as Rodman Philbrick, author of
“Freak the Mighty,” the acclaimed new
thriller, “Measure of Darkness,” and
other popular titles; Miriam Auerbach,
award winning author of the satirical
“Dirty Harriet” Horowitz mystery series;
Sandra Balzo, award-winning author of
crime fiction; Robert Coburn, author of
“A Loose Knot” and “A Deadly Deception;” Jeremiah Healy, Shamus award
winning creator of the John Francis
Cuddy private investigator series; Wayne
Gales, author of “Treasure Key” and
“Key West Camouflage;” Barbara Fox,
murder-mystery writer and theater producer; Dirk Wyle, retired chemist and
molecular biology professor turned popular medical mystery author; Liz Stauffer, author of the ursday Morning
Breakfast and Murder Club mysteries;
and Peggy Butler, author of “Starfish”
and “And en ere Was One.”
e visiting authors are joined by area
notables Roberta Isleib (under the pseudonym Lucy Burdette), Jane Dawkins,
Bill Lorraine, Wesley Sizemore, Elizabeth
Warren, Jane Newhagen, Jill Zima
Borski, Rusty Hodgdon, Reef Perkins,
Ben Harrison, Chuck Van Soye, Hal
Howland, Dale Dapkins, Ralph DePalma, Jonathan Woods, Suzie Byrd,
Terry Schmida, Mandy Miles, Chuck
Meier, David Sloan, Letty Nowak, Connie Gilbert, Alex Vega and Key West
Writers Bloc founders Michael Haskins
and Shirrel Rhoades.
Haskins and Rhoades created Key
West Writers Bloc as an umbrella for future literary events they co-produce,
including a Mystery Writers Key West
Fest conference scheduled for June.
“Key West has a literary tradition
from Hemingway to Hunter ompson
that we want to built on by encouraging
contemporary writers,” said Rhoades,
who has held positions with Reader’s Digest, Scholastic, Harper’s, Marvel Entertainment and others.
Books by authors available with a
portion of proceeds to benefit the Key
West Library book-buying fund. Meet
the authors and collect signed editions.
INFO www.keywestauthors.com
26 www.konklife.com
e grape here produces rich,
chocolaty, spicy wines that are some
of my favorites. On the other hand,
Barossa also produces some of Australia’s
best rieslings too.
Directly to the east is the Eden Valley
and here, Riesling is the most planted
grape. Now when most of us think of
Riesling, we think of slightly sweet,
flabby wines, but in Australia nothing
could be further from reality. e Aussies
make their Rieslings bone dry, with a
hint of minerality and a tint of lime —
delicious.
Farther to the north is Clare Valley,
and Riesling is even more important
here. Winemakers such as Tim Knappstein, Petaluma and Pikes have set up
operations here and also make some
wonderful Shirazes and Cabs.
en just south and east of Adelaide,
we hit two more classic wine regions —
McLaren Vale and the Adelaide Hills.
McLaren Vale is slightly cooler than
Barossa due to its closeness to the ocean
and grows just about everything here.
But one grape truly shines here —
Sauvignon Blanc. Shaw & Smith and
Lenswood are two of my favorites that, if
you see them, buy them! Quite a few
Cabs and Shirazes come out of here as
well, and Rosemount sources its Balmoral Syrah out of McLaren Vale.
To the north of McLaren Vale are the
Adelaide Hills, another great spot for
Sauv Blanc and becoming quite the spot
for Aussie pinot noir, due to its cool climate.
Finally, if we travel southeast to the
Victorian border, we run into probably
the second most important growing
region in South Australia — Coonawarra. It’s only ninge miles long, quite
narrow and is the coolest growing area in
South Australia. It’s known mostly for its
incredible Cabernets.
at’s pretty much it for South Australia. Next week we’ll look into the rest
of the country. at’s it for this week, so
until next time — wine a bit, you’ll feel
better! n
KEY HAPPENINGS
TRINIDAD JOE
Friends of the Key West Library holds its first book sale of the season 9:30 a.m. to 1:30 p.m.
Saturday, December 7, in the Palm Garden next to the library, 700 Fleming St.
DECEMBER 1
Nonfiction, art, travel, cookbooks, books for children and
youth, an more, in time for holiday gifting, most for a dollar or
less, will be available.
Proceeds go to library’s programs, books and equipment.
Future sale dates are Saturdays, January 4, February 1,
March 1 and April 5.
DECEMBER 7
Swim-bike-run
Key West Triathlon
December
1,000 athletes expected in
the fourth Key West Triathlon
(Saturday) December 7. Swim
the waters of Atlantic Ocean,
bike a portion of the Florida
Keys’ scenic Overseas Highway
and run a fast, flat course beside
the Atlantic. Presented by Key
West’s TRIKW LLC. Olympicdistance and shorter sprint-distance triathlons scheduled.
Weekend events kick off with
race packet pickup and expo
noon-9 p.m. Friday, December
6, at Higgs Beach on Atlantic
Avenue, headquarters for race
and activities. Sanctioned by
USA Triathlon.
INFO
www.trikw.com
Inaugural Celtic
Fest in January
Some of the most celebrated
Celtic musical masters are featured at the inaugural Florida
Keys Celtic Festival, Friday-Saturday, January 10-11, 2014. e
music fest is scheduled 4-9 p.m.
Friday and 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. Saturday at the Marathon Community Park, Mile Marker/MM 49.
A diverse entertainment
lineup is planned for the familyfriendly event. According to or-
ganizers, standout performers include Scottish headliner Albannach, international super-group
Rathkeltair, West of Galway and
Marcille Wallis & Friends with
the Tampa Bay Treblemaker
Dancers. Reunion appearance of
Celtic rock pioneers Clanna Gael
20 years in the making. Two-day
event features bagpipes, drums
of St. Andrew’s Pipe Band of
Miami and sheep-herding demos
from well-trained herding canine
breeds of Florida’s Asher-Dell
Farm. Celtic merchandise, food
and beverage booths and children’s activities round out the
weekend’s offerings. Weekendlong admission is $25 adults in
advance or $30 at the gate. Attendees receive entry wristbands
to be worn throughout the festival. Children age 12 and under
admitted free with a paid adult.
INFO
www.
celticheritageproductions.
com/keys.htm
www.konklife.com 27
boss, too. Where were Julius Caesar’s bodyguards?”
“You’re right! Also, after Robert was killed, a doorframe with bullet holes that was taken away and X-rayed
by the cops and examined by the coroner was thrown
away or disappeared.”
“Nonsense!” shouted Tony. “at’s not small like a
pencil – it’s a doorframe, damnit!”
“Yep, and the X-rays are missing, too.”
“Is this a ree Stooges movie?”
“Well, one of the head cops said, “We didn’t want to
confuse people by having them think that there might
have been two shooters.”
“Whaaattt!?!
Tony summed it up. “How could so many things go
wrong with such an important investigation? Were they
involved?”
“Who knows. Hey, maybe Oswald was also mad at the
John & Robert K. because they may have been involved
in Marilyn Monroe’s death on 8/4/62, if it wasn’t a suicide. He was a big fan. Was she planning to reveal that
she had an affair with them? Her former lover, a gangster,
may have wanted revenge, too. Robert also sent Jimmy
Hoffa to jail. Sirhan Sirhan may have been another part
of the plan to kill them. So many possibilities.”
“Jake, this sounds like “Ripley’s Believe It Or Not,”
declared TJ. Tony nodded.
e nurse came in and announced, “Visiting hours are
over. You’ll have to leave now.”
As they waved goodbye and headed out the door, I
called out, “Look it up, my friends, and let me know
what you decide about the woman in the polka-dot
dress!”
“What woman!?!” they shouted in unison, hopelessly
trying to get back in the room pass the nurse who was
blocking the door.
e End? No way! Do you believe it or not?
Let me know.
n
LOWER KEYS ART SCENE
ON BIG PINE KEY
Lower Keys Art Festival
Art lovers and holiday shoppers catch up 10 a.m.
to 4 p.m. Saturday, December 14, on Big Pine Key.
Live music at the Big Pine & Lower Keys Island Art
Festival, annual open-air fair on the wooded grounds
of Lower Keys Chamber of Commerce, 31020 Overseas Highway Big Pine Key at Mile Marker/MM 31
oceanside. Booths offer gifts and craft items from
handmade jewelry to pottery. Items raffled throughout the day. Admission and parking free. Attendees
requested not to bring picnic baskets or coolers.
INFO
lowerkeyschamber.com
artistsinparadise.com
Bourbon Street Pub “Turnabout Celebration”
This is the opportunity for the club’s non-drag queens to dress up and perform
for patrons and visitors.
JOHN GUERRA
a $1,400 advance on March 4; an $800 advance on March 12; two advances of
$3,500 each on March 17 and March 29.
McKenzie and Williams’ requests for
money also raised the suspicions of St.
James Trustee William Mitchell. According to investigators, McKenzie and
Williams asked Mitchell to sign blank
checks instead of reviewing the bills and
then signing checks.
An odd footnote also can be found in
the bank records. St. James Missionary
paid Greater Friendship Baptist Church in
Daytona Beach $111 in October 2011.
McKenzie was pastor at Greater Friendship from March 1995 until April 2003.
According to a Daytona Times article
about McKenzie’s Key West arrest, “similar
[theft] allegations were made against
McKenzie while at Greater Friendship, but
no charges were ever pressed against him.”
McKenzie faces at least 15 years in
prison if convicted.
n
KW L O U
LOUIS PETRONE
Two questions arose over the years having to do with Bissell. e first is whether
he actually made it to Philadelphia. Documents from the time indicate an Issac Bissell who only rode to Hartford. He stayed
in Hartford. He did not continue the ride.
He was a less than an honorable man. He
billed the new U.S. government for a sixday stay in Hartford.
Historian Lion G. Miles came up with
the story. He found his information in
only one source. e Massachusetts
Archives. All other historians and documents disagree with Miles. Issac was not
Israel.
e other issue that arose was whether
Israel Bissell was of the Jewish faith. I was
amazed at how much time and effort was
spent to arrive at a definitive conclusion.
Israel Bissell was not Jewish.
A few historians believe that Bissell’s
ancestry was of a Norman French/Swiss
source. e majority, however, concluded
that Bissell was part of the Byshelle family
who in 1639 left Birmingham, England.
e family was part of a Puritan group. All
Bissells were determined to have been descended from the Byshelles.
I suspect Bissell’s first name Israel is
what caused the inquiries. Historians discussing the Bissell issue pointed out that
most children born in the colonies in the
17th and 18th centuries were given Biblical names.
So goes the story of Israel Bissell. A
man almost forgotten not by history, but
by poetry.
“Leading Ladies” Rehearsal
n
LOCAL
OBSERVATION
CHRISTINA OXENBERG
salvaged it after a fight whence a lady
be-splattered this guitar on her now
ex-boyfriend’s head, smashing both blunt
objects. e diligent guitar fixer said he
has heard that story already once this year,
and that it’s an annual occurrence.
Great sounds last night at the Hog’s
Breath Saloon with Highway 61 Band
and of course e Green Parrot and
Xperimento. e music was electrifying
and the crowd typically eccentric. One
lady wore her King Charles spaniel like a
collar, oddly tolerated by the pet. A man
danced, taking up every inch of dance
floor, and he looked like he was trying to
clamber out from a hole in the ground, at
great speed. His flailing was riveting and
he was obviously having a great time.
At the midnight set break I made my
way outside to the sidewalk and was soon
happily joined by the very excellent
Trombone Player with a beer and a shot
for fortification.
I had to ask, “Are musicians ever
affected by the crowd? For example a
really bad dancer? Could watching
someone spasming out ever make you
play wrong?”
“Ha, no! But I was wishing I had my
camera to take some video of that dude!”
the very excellent Trombone Player said,
adding, “sometimes, when we’re playing
jazz and people start clapping, that can
get us all messed up.
Later, a sweet girl in pigtails and
dancing shoes asked me to dance.
Good times.
n
www.konklife.com 29
The Waterfront Theater’s season opening play,”Leading Ladies,”
prepares for its debut
T HE
GADABOUT
SHE SAID, GAY SAID
Dear Bitch and Gad: My landlord
prowls around my apartment when I’m
not there. What should I do? Signed,
Maxwell (I Always Feel Like Somebody’s
Watching Me)
Dear Maxwell: What! at’s called a
home invasion and should be treated as
such. I’m not necessarily saying that you
should shoot him, but I think you should
at least hurt him. What trap could we set?
Bear trap?
Well, first I want to know what he is
doing. Set up a nanny cam or in this case
asshole cam. You’ll want some evidence.
Most laptops have a motion detector
setting for video. Is he stealing or going
through your underpants? Oh no, what if
he is doing gross things to your food!
Let’s hope he is only stealing panties.
is may be politically incorrect,
but I’m assuming the landlord is a man,
because men are gross.
Well, whatever the motivation, use the
video for blackmail. Yes, it’s fine in this
case; I’m okay with dispensing morality. I
would imagine it’s worth at least one year
of free rent. And
have the perv pay
to have your locks
changed. Let me
know how it goes.
Gadabout
Dear Maxwell:
First, get the fuck
out!!! Yes, much
easier said than
done, especially
here in Key West.
ere is no reason a
landlord should be
in your house when
you are not there,
and 24 hours’ notice is usually required if they want
to enter the premises at all, barring emergencies. Does he leave just a little bit of
evidence behind to let you know he’s been
there? If so, sounds like he’s more stalker
than prowler. And those motherfuckers
will follow you everywhere. Time to nip
this in the bud and let him know he ain’t
dealin’ with no damsel in distress.
Do you think he’s just letting himself in,
or is there a chance he’s always watching
you? Tune your radio into a silent spot at
the high end of the FM band. Carry the
radio around the room. If it begins to
make odd sounds such as a high-pitched
squeal, move it until the sound reaches its
loudest pitch. You will be familiar with
this feedback phenomenon when it happens with speakers, well, when it occurs
with an FM radio it’s because of the same
thing – the radio is picking up transmissions from the bug and can often lead you
right to it. If this is the case, call the police immediately.
Or do something funny to let him
know you know he’s watching. I searched
online and you cannot buy exploding dye
packs legally, but you can make them.( I
didn’t want to go any further in this
Google search because I’m pretty sure I
just got myself onto some kind of FBI
list. If something
happens to me and
my computer is
searched, please let
them know I was
only trying to do a
community service
and not actually
build one myself. )
Anyway, please
whatever you do,
find a new place.
en post fliers
around the neighborhood with his
face on them and
one word: PERV.
Surely he will get
wind of this sooner
rather than later,
but you’ll feel good and I’ll be happy to
help spread the word. Also, don’t forget
the “stand your ground” law! Bitchin’
Paradise
n
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