Apathy Intl. gets lukewarm response CoUegiate profiling rampant on

tHe Scoffayette
An
volume = M / D I number /'
April
1st
Traaition
Since
CRITICAL
T
H\ M R . M U M M E R T , T O Y O U
S
tudents said they were mildly
interested this week when il was
announced that a new Apathy International chapter will be founded
at Lafayette. Elizabeth Harold '07,
the group's president, said, "Apathy
International is a strong, worldwide organization to unite people
and promote the universal ideal of
> indifference."
Harold said that "people these
days" wony too much about things
thill do not affect them. "I'm not
living in Darfur, I'm not going to
I be drafted, why should I waste my
time helping other people? I've got
enough to woriy about."
Jac(jb Hiirtby '08 said that he was
looking forward to participating in
the group. "I can't wail lo join. I
hear they're dt^ing some really great
campaigns, I just hope they don't
interfere with my video games," he
said.
Those campaigns, said Harold,
will focus on the concept of using apathy in everyday life. "We
can't really affect a wider audience
[about apathy], but we can al least
raise awareness about apathy," she
said. Harold explained that, "the
world seems to be running fine
without our input." She iidded that
even the college campus was iilso
running smoothly without student
~ continued on .NY Times, page B7
CoUegiate profiling
rampant on campus
in HOOQED ON FONICS
O
n Sundiiv; Miirch 26, 200G, al
;i])j)roxim;itely 9:55 p.m., Kevin
Michiiels '08 wiis wiilking back fn)ni
Kirby Spoils (Ii-nter wlien ii Public
Siifely ofiu er iiuule ;i I-turn in Ironl
of Kirby House. 'Fhe ollicer rolled
down the window of" his piitn)l ciu;
pulk-d ;i lolli|)op oul of his mouth, ;md
asked Mit luuis if he wa.s a sluck'iil ill
Lifiiyelte. Michaels wiis wciuing ii
Diirtmoudi sweiit.shiri.
iVlichiiels's ciise wits just one in ii
iccent w'iive of "collegiiite pn)filing"
from Public Siilely. In the p;Lsi niontli.
students luive re|)orted 47 different
cliunis of hiir<i.ssnienl by officers while
vvciiring other schools' ii|)jiiirel.
MicliiU"ls Siiid he wits certiiin tliiil
the hiirassnient wiis a result of his
sweiilshirl. "Fhe ollicer iisked me
how I liki'd Ixing il liiiiloi; iind tlun
threw his lolli|)o|) at my fiice," he
Siiid.
Pubic Sillily ollicci' Jiiines Mcl";ilden, Siiid his depiiriment luis been
given exjjlicit inslrucUons to squelch
vvhiit he .siiid is "ii growing pioblem ill
~ continued on page 72 nith U.S.
he committee on campus coolness has recently agreed to
repliice the stiitue of the Miirquis de
Ealiiyette behind Hogg Hall with ii
more conteniijorarv icon. Designed
by soiiK" folks in the iirts building,
the "Buddy Weiss"" will be a life-size
rendition of Eiiiiiyelte's Kith |iresident, and will spe;ik ii collection of
phrases in both F.nglish iind French
things like "Sii]), kids?"', "Let's get
pizzii," " F h a t s iiwesome!", "and
"Fime for a focus group!" It will
also be iidiiptable to spontiineous
f|uestioning.
Most of the campus community
~ continued on page 22.7
Lafayette announces
scholarships for
turkey bowling
BY M A T Z A H B A L L
A
ccording to board of trustees meeling held lasl week,
I^afiiyette luis unanimously voted
to grant merit-bii,sed athleUc scholarships to all participants in turkey
bowling. Unbeknowiist to the majority of l^ifiiyelte students, turkey
bowling is a sport that is, just simply,
gobbling up the world.
VVTiy give scholarships for turkey
bowling one might ask? Senior lilly
Butierfield admits iliiit, "Until now;
I didn't wiint anyone to know; but
now the school made it acceptal)le
for me to express my passion for die
game I've played since the age of
five."
Like Butlerbiill, the boiud cUiims
that '^Fliiuiksgiving is a holidity duit
most p('oj)l<' celebrate so il is the
college's duly to show thiuiks and
appreciation f()r those individuals
who ciiU diem selves turkey Ijowlei-s.
It is even cited that lurkley Ixmling
will Ix! instated into lh«- nexi Winter
Olympics in 2010.
In an effort to strengthiMi the
Liifavette iithk'lics progriun, the
president along with the bt)iird,
feels diis is a great oppoitunity lor
those allileles who excel "in the
lanes," rather than "on the field."
With this decision, I^diiyette highly
iintici|)iites the signings of world
renowned lurke>' bowlers around
the globe for diLs upcoming fidl .semester-. "We expect to hiive a great
iiiiiugiuid.sciuson," .siiidSlu Hug'07,
who will tiike over as capuiin for die
tciirn nexl term.
1 he numbers aw iciilly c|uite sur-
www.lafayette.edu
T o m o r r ow
Pres. Weiss declares
Apathy Intl. gets
lukewarm response himself "Awesome!"
H^ M I S S B .
April!, 2006
prising. In a sncidc peek of the 2006
tuikey bowling budget report, Lite
luifayetk discovered diat a $70,000a-year scholarship be awarded to
the approximately 16 students who
will comprise of next semester's
leiim, for a totid of S 1,120,000 a
year. This raises the cjuesrion of how^
the college will iicciuire the fiinding.
Il's nol its easy as one miiy tliink.
Fhe president luis decided to
Ibrgo his initial pliui to cut ihe iinnual two million dollar tulip budget,
instead ]iulting foith a projiosal that
would iiu re;isi> tuition by roughly
150 percent.
Fhe college ;ilso phins to introduce higlilv coveted vegeliii iiui
lofurkcys. which would make vcgeliirian bowlers lavoi' Ixifiiyetle iis
their college of choice.
"'Fhis is definitely the main rciison iis lo why 1 sclei led l.;ilayelle
over other turkey l)()wling schools
such asCiiiivy Universiiv and Wliite
Meat StiUewhodidifl oiler this option and 1 Iind these "lake-" turkeys
are able- lo giiin more niomentuni
when tossed clown the lane," says
vegan high school senior L;uira
Diirkmeal. "I rciilly fi'lt this wiis ii
neces.sar)' component to iiny collegiate turkey bowling program
lluit wants to stress diversity." she
iiddc^d.
Fhe teiuii is proud to announce
that Chuck Norris, the skilled
niiirtiiU arts iiclor, wiis niuned hciicl
coach earlier hist week. "Coach
Nonis biing's in the experience and
attitude necessiuy for success with
our turkey bowling team." ling
sitid.
INSIDE...
So that's what
happened to the
president nobody talks
about... body found in
Kirby sinkhole
..,see Gilbert's menu
Sodexo unveils new
variety of fried fish
to be released at
constructions sites
worldwide
,.,see room 237
Working group
member takes break
from deliberations
to eat nuts
... see McKeen
basement
Smoking Pardee
elevator found to
lead straight to
hell... see page 666
Neil Diamond
becomes honorary
Trustee
,„see Sweet Caroline
WEEKKND \VHI:IHI:R
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I i l l i . l i : :>!!"
the Scoffayette
Page 2
Apathy Intl. seeks
to promote apathy
RAH!
COMI'II.I.I) \\\
get ready to run from the camera:
.\llsii
Mosll
Where do you stand on President Bush's
proposed immigration policy?
Ibmmy Seebach '78
I love beer!
Tommy Seebach '78
I believe this admirdstration
has a serious illness. And
the only cure... is more
cowbell.
Tommy Seebach '78
I don't care, as long as
I can bring my dancing
concubines.
Tommy Seebach '78
Brave warriors. Riders
of the plains. D e m a n d
strong earth. T h e y must
be free. To live their own
lives. Free. Free. Apache!
A hah hah hah ha!
Sll.liACII M . M M . s s ( ( HKJI.s'i
JMiss B. Critical
Eclitor-iii-Chiel"
Marty McFly
Managing Editor
H o o q e d on Fonics
worked 4 m i
News Editor
Thing 2
Arts and Entertiiinmcnl
Fklitor
Matzah Ball
Sports I'klitor
Mr. M u m m e r t , to you
Philly Fan-Atic
Assistant Editors
A dress:
A one-piece
O u t e r (iiirmc-nt
For w o m e n or girls., I HO 12
l i r i l ' : / / l l l . . l l / \ n ) l . ( ) / AI'A(:lll..MI'(,
support.
. \ l e x B r e t h e n ' 0 7 , d i r e c t o r of
iipiitliy iiction, said thiil there ;ire
c o m m o n misconce|itioiis about the
grou])"s mission. " W e don't w a n t
pco|Dle lo think thiit we don't ciire
iibout iinylhing; we just pick a n d
chose."" BrcihcMi explained that, "1
think some things iirc- iniportiiiit Ibr
students to c a r e a b o u t , but only if
they can see a direct connec lion."
B r e l h e n s;iid s t u d e n t s s h o u l d be
c o n c e r n e d " w h e n the college mistreats a n d deceives t h e m , like it consistently d o e s . " However, Brethen
also w a r n e d , " w e d o n ' t w a n t lo be
like t h o s e a n n o y i n g p e o p l e w h o
h a n d out flyers idl the time.""
H a r o l d said she has high hopes
for the g r o u p . "I think that we will
b e c o m e a s t r o n g o r g a n i z a t i o n on
c a m p u s , " she said. "People on this
c a m p u s really c a r e a b o u t apathy,
just lasl week I h e a r d a friend of
m i n e c o m p l a i n i n g t h a t she w a s
tired of all those posters taking u p
.space in Fiiiinon." Hiirold said that
she doesn't hiive a n y plans to try to
remove" the posters.
A l t h o u g h the g r o u p s luinie a n d
goiils iire well recognizi-d by students, most seemed less interested
to jcjin.
"Il seems like ;i lot of work, g o ing lo meetings iind things," said
G u n t h e r Chiidwick "07.
T r a c y Adiinis '06 iidded, "I clon"t
rciilly w a n t it to interfere with m y
sociid or iiciidemic life, I've got two
jiiipers a n d a huid this semester."
. \ d a m s Siiid, "I might j o i n if t h e
meetings are in Farinon either right
before o r idler dinner, I d o n ' t w a n t
lo have lo go out of m y wiiy."
N o t everyone is h a p p y with t h e
g r o u p ' s founding. Ziich K i m ' 0 7 ,
Ijresident of S t u d e n t s W'lio C a r e
.said, " W e ' r e thinking a b o u t l a u n c h ing a protest iigiiinst iijDathy, a l o n g
wilh o u r protest against h a t r e d
a n d violence. I d o n ' t know if I c a n
t h o u g h , I've also got to keep u p with
m y secretiiry duties for Vociferate
y\giiin, a n d keep up the bocjks for
PcH)ple for Frees."
Weiss defeats the
Marquis de Lafayette
seems to be in suppcnl ol the new
statue. " F h e sword a n d fiincy boots
;ire so tiivd," siiid M a r y C a r y ' 0 7 .
" F h i s ciimi^us is rciidy for a sportier,
a n d m o r e reliitable statue this one
will wear khakis, ii fleece sweatshirt,
iind New Biihince sneakers. "
Bart C r a n k e r "09 h a d this to siiy:
"Dude-, Weiss is the m a n . . \ l t e r a
crazy night at C!iimpus. a n d some
garbiige c;in tipping, there"s no one
else Fd r a t h e r r u n into tluin that
guy. H e sup]iorts students" rights
lo get k r u n k e d ! "
Since the p r e s i d e n t took ollice,
m a n y luive s p e c u l a t e d iibout the
oveiAvhelming hick of disiigreement.
( i o v e r n m e n t iind liiw professor ( .'iir-
lii Folfenheimer is currently working w i t h a n F . X . C . E . L . L . E . N . T .
scholiir to r e s e a r c h the r o o t s of
this d i s t u r b i n g trend. "It's just nol
right that jicople a r e so h a p p y , "
she .said. "I suspect tluit s o m e t h i n g
funny is going on. .And 1 clonl mciin
like, luihii funny. O r wiiit, iiuiybe
1 do. F m confused. W h a t was 1
d o i n g iigiiin? W h e r e is my p o w e r
point..."
O f course, there were s o m e w h o
expressed dissent. "If anyone's going to hiive il stiltue m a d e ol" thcMii,
it should be nie," said Moneybiigs
Mirby. " H o w m a n y m o r e buildings
d(; 1 hiive lo buv to <jet m e o n e of
the Scoffayette
I'm S o r r y , D i d Y o u S a y
Sometnin^?
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April 172066
Public Safety
fails miserably
l^ifiiyette."
" W e ' v e b e e n tcjid from h i g h e r
authorities [in the iidminislnilion]
lo bliitandy hiirass students wearing
clothes from o t h e r colleges," said
McFatden.
.\ccordiiig to a source inside M a r kle Hall, President D a n Weiss speciHciilly implemented the p m c e d u r e
to help iidmissions. "W hen jx-ople
c o m e here to take tours, we do-n't
want them to see students publicizing other schools," said the source.
"Flic- school's tiying to be like the
Ivy I.,eiigue. We w iint stuck-nts on the
lence to come here. We c iin't iillbrd to
keep losing sluclents to Harviird and
Vide."
Students, however, d o not see the
benefits of the new policy. "A Public
Safety ofhcc chased m e d o w n lasl
Wednesdiiy night iind tackled m e , "
said Annie Slimsc^n '07. " [ T h e officer], w h o was like six times my size,
ripped m y C o l u m b i a [University]
jacket right off me. I wiis lucky 1
Wiis w e a r i n g a Lafayette lee shirt
underneath. H e just let m e off with
a wiirning."
McFatden siiid that his fellow ofheers have been enjoying die iidded
responsibility. "This hiis been iiwesome Ibr our department,"" McFatden
said- "We gel to stop anyone, iinytime,
iind, if the ofrense is severe enough,
we even get to luuil them down to our
ollice."'
Siim Slendertuft. 'Of) siiid he spent
lc)ur hours in the Public Siifely Ollice
liist Sundiiy night iiuo Mondiiy morning. "I Wiis wciiring a Duke [ University] swciitshirt because they had won
the basketbiill giUiK" ciuiier th;U diiy,"
.Slendertuft siiid. "'Fhen the ollicer
iiiacle me strip down, a n d t()Uiid ;i
Duke tee siiii t itiid boxers. Inside the
oilice, 1 v\:is lorced lo sit in a room
with no windows, in niv undc-rvvciir
wiiile some idioi ollicer yelled ;it me
Ibr coinniitting trciLson." he siiid. "I
don't care how good this school might
be. N o one clesen'cs this."
Michiiels siiid he now lives in Iciir
of Public Sidety. "I ciin'l Uike anodiei
round of questioning," he siiid. "Thiit
department hiis become ruthlc-ss."
The Ghost
Business Editor
Thing 1
Advertising l^iitor
Photos
Photo FLditor
Lovable
Grammar Geeks
Copy Editors
Gaggle G o o s e
W e b IVlanager
Gandalf Ph.D.
Faculty Advisor
Online: www.myconnotation.org
Office p h o n e : 8 6 7 - 5 3 0 9
Just the Fiix: M i i ' a m
April 1,2006
iHe Scoffavette
Page 3
H o l l y w o o d at a glance: hot boys in crazy hats
B^' IVIARTY M C F L Y
LOS ANGELES (A&P) - In the
wake of biopic movies about recently decciised celebrities {Ray, Hdlk
the IJne), Martin Scorsese iinnounced
yesterdiiy that he would be continuing the trend wilh his nexl movie:
The Reluctant Comedian, chronicling
the life of Andy Crijfith Show co-slar
Don Knolls and starring Leonardo
diC'iiprio iis the kite iiclor.
" I h e role is an iiclor's dream,"
said diCiiprio. "Knolls was bugeyed, gawky, and iiwkward, and I
am none of these things." diCiiprio
iidded diiit, despite suiiace differences, he and Knolls share a number of
similiuities. "We're both iiclors, and
we're both named iilter Reniiissance
piiinlers. I look better in the sheriff's
hilt, though."
Although Steve Buscemi was
originally considered for the part,
ihe Fargo actor eventually declined,
c iling his involvement with the next
installment in the Pink Pantlier franchise, which will hiive him pliiying
c inema-icon Inspector J a c q u e s
Clouseau ~ the role niiide famous by
Steve Martin and some guy named
Sellers.
NFAV YORK (A&P) - .After being
evicted from Exorcist: The Beginning, screcMiwriter/director Paul
Schriider iTaxi Driver, Raging Bull)
will ]iick up the pieces with a follow-up to his 2002 film. Auto Focus.
which c iironicled the downward
spiral of Ilogan's Heroes stiir Bob
Crime and his obsession with sex,
lies, and v ideolape. Fhe fc)llovv-u|i
will fciiturc Richard Dawson, also a
cast member of IIogan\ Heroes, and
his cnvn sexual exploits.
Best known as the original host
of Family Feud, Dawson became
identified as a latter day Don Juan
for his frec|uent womanizing and
unabashed llirtation wilh guests
on the '70s game show. Tentatively
tilled Survey Says, the lilm is set to
star Clive Owen as the game show
Casanova, though script details yet
lo be finiilized.
"I'm usually inleresled in films
tluit explore the wayward nature of
people's lives," said Schriider, "but
Richard prettymuch hiid it made
in the shade."
He went on to siiy tluit, following
the success of Brokehack Mountain,
he has been "toying wilh the idea"
of a Charles Nelson Reilly pmjecl.
HOLl A'WOOD (A&P) - Paul Haggis
is still Irc-sli oil die Best Picture win his
lilm. Crash, received less thiui ii month
iigo, but he is not about to pul his
feet up. /Mter tiickling the politiciilly
poliiiized topic of euthauiisiii in Mdlion Dollar Baby, Ibr which he- wrote
the script, and the ]:)roblem of liice
reliitions in (hash, the Osciir nominee
is rciidv lc)r more.
"Fheres still so much tliiU needs to
be conlronted in this world, iind I'm
going to do it," the diiector siiid.."My
next prciject will iiddress a pressing
issue in y\mericiiii politics: excessive
roadside election campiiign signs."
Hiiggis referred lo the" piiperboiirci
signs often .seen stapled to two-byfours during local elections and
dc\sciibed the iiriicticc" iis ii modern
American plague tiiking over the
country "There's so many; iuid I hiite
them! I mean, sometimes you'll see
ones for elections that happened ii
while ago! Il's unacceptable."
The film will be titled Signs, but
don't confuse it with M. Night Sliyiimalan's 2002 film. "Sure, it's idready
il movie, but I like the tille," he said.
"Besides, no one cared when 1 stole
Crash from David Cronenberg."
Crash fans need not worry that
.S>^/,v will fiill short of its predeces-
(;KAI'III(; m (iKic. HI.RCHI.NKOI i III.K
Leonardo diCaprio steps into the role of Don Knotts for Martin
Scorsese's most recent planned biopic movie.
sor, Siiid Hiiggis. "There's a lot of"
inherent similiirities between these
projects; plus, with some montiige
sequences, an openi soundtrack, and
numerous life lessons, I am confident
thill Signs will recreiite the cinenuuic
niiigic thiit is C'm.v//."
He was quick to add that even
lliough he is limiting the script lo
a mere eight j^rotagonists, the lilm
will still iiiiiintiun its iiielodriinuilic
jiowcr.
Ribbons dazzle Williams
\\\ T H I N G 2
L
iist Fuesdiiy. the Williiims Cenier
fc)r the Arts presented a unique
Russian mime rhythmic gymnastics
diince troupe under the instruction
of w'oiid-renovvnc"d rhythmic gyniluist, Gregor Stiinisliivskivcjvich.
Stani.slavskivovich, of interniUionid
;!(•( lium, Ic^iids twclv cjulliiird-tniined
(lancers in a bciiutiful, niiijestic ribbon-wielding specliicle.
Fhe troupe called Stanishivskivovich's Silent String Swiiiers
luis recently tiiivcied through the
greater Milwaukec^-iircii sluiring
tlieir unique libbon-wielding abilii\ and their love- of diince. Due
to Milwiiukees colder climate,
Stiinisliivskivovich had intined his
cliincers to be able to perform their
complex routines on ice. The sudden
rise in temperiilure, iind Liifii^ette's
lack of iin ice iirena suitidile lc)r their
performance, Slanisliivskivcjvich's
Silent Siring Swirlers wiis forced
to adiipt their routine to dry land.
Although I hiid only liciird rumors
ol their previous,performances, 1
'luisi say that the grace and art in
llu ir rhythmic gyniii;islic dance was
not lost in the transhilion fiom ice to
land.
Fhe diincing, iilthough miigical
on its own, was further catapulted
into Williams Art Center history by
'I'i juxtapcjsition with liimous Iixsh
jig tribute band. Musty Dublin
Blues. Musty Dublin Blues, led by
'<^'ad biuijo jjliiyer, Coiuin Eironan,
said that Stanislavskivovich uses the
nil Iodic bciit of the jig instruments
'tnd gives them iin entirely new
dimension of beauty.
Stanisliivskivovich, wiis inleiprel•^'(1 through his mime-iA' iis siiying, "1
'"11 tall. We nuikc- c ire les. Fhis is me
in a box.
As with iiny llavvless execution
of rhythmic dance, there were ii
few misluips. One of the rhythmic
gymiiiists forgot the limits of the
|)erlbrniiince space and ciiught
a ribbon in one of her ice skiites.
Fhe gymiiiist wiis flung through
the Williiims Art Cenier landing
on unprepiired firsl year student,
Harvey (iiggleiiian. /Vlso, one of
the members of the Musty Dublin
Blues Icjst a tooth while iUtempting
to take ;i c|uick swig of moonshine
before strumming the next few b;us
of "Down the Old Stone Koiicl
Where- I Mel Suziiniui.""
.\sielc- from the snuill hiccups,
this bciiulilul |)eiie)inuince> moved
the iiudience to speechlessness. Fhe
niemoiy of Stanishivskivovich's Silent String Sw iiiers will be a constant
re-minder of the bciiuty of rhythmic
gymiiiistics iind the melodic gnice- of
Irish jig tribute biinds.
ll.l.l S l U A I I O N ItV Ll.AII 1.1 IMiACII
B\ T H E TORNADO
Friends
"Fhis little gem of a sitcom iictuiUly
aired for ten years, but to barelv' iiny
iiudience. Despiu- a snuill poj)uliition
()f view ers, the show w iis iible lo stiiy
on FV due to its cult following and
critical iiccliiim. Featuring an ensemble ciist of uiiknow ns, it depicted six
friends living in Manhattan dciding
with everyday life in New York, like
how ciisy it is to piiy for an iiniiizing
iipiirtment on piiicliciiUy no siihirv
iind almost never going lo work.
Il is the Iciist c|uc)led show probiibly ever jDroduced, so I expect idler
rciiding this eveiyone will rent the
DX'Ds and act like Ross, Riichel,
Monicii, Cliiuidler,Joey, iind Phoebe
iire iictually your friends.
I'lioro c;()i Kii s^ o i (;oo<;i.i..i.MA(;i.s.e:<)M
A member of Gregor Stanislavskivovlch's Silent String Swirlers
performs a complex routine at the Williams Art Center last
Tuesday.
Napoleon
Dynamite
'Fhis is an independent movie
written iind directed byjiired Hess
iind starring Jon Heder iis iin iiwkw iird high school kid with an affinity
le)r Iilter tots, in depressing Preston,
Idiiho. .Vapoleon Dynamite never
caught fire even iigiiinsi the |iie-clie -
lions that it would sweep the uiition
iind soon be necessiuy for evc-iyone
to hiive a shirt bcmsling the words
" \ b i e for Pedro" or iui obnoxious
flip book of Napoleon diincing...
loo bad thill never worked out.
Support the sUiniiig iiriisis tluit
created this movie, iind w;itcli thehiliirious frivolities tlun oc cur in the
world of Niipoleon.
Kevin Federline
aka "K. Fed"
\e)U might only know K. Fed iis
Britney Spears' husband and fiulier
of her first child, but don't be fooled
- he- luis ceriiunly nol been riding
on his wife's coal-tails for fame. .As
his jirofessional dance career was
flourishing (he wiis in iim Cot Setred
iind danced for Britney before their
wedding), K. Fed decided he w iintecl
to exercise his own creative muscles
and the result is certainly ii trciit for
idl the .senses.
His first single "PopoZiio" is bciiulifully w ritten iind executed onlv to
be outck)ne by his seccmd song "For
All the Hiitiis."" His iilbuin Playing
with Fire is out in .\iigusi .ind is certiiin lo elaz/le all of those "luiliis" to
whom he le•|"el^.
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