September 5, 2013 Issue of KONK Life
Transcription
September 5, 2013 Issue of KONK Life
ARTIST IN RESIDENCE WEEKEND: A CELEBRATION OF LIGHT AND COLOR e artist-in-residence weekend is this weekend all day, ursday to Saturday, September 5-7, at Key West art gallery Two Monkeys Fine Art, 518 Fleming St., in Old Town. Collectors and the public are invited to wine and hors d’oeuvres and the grassy tundra floor to enjoy art. e gallery showcases artist Amanda Johnson, including large textured abstract paintings, landscapes, tropical themed art and figure drawings. Learn her painting process, upcoming classes/workshops, and view recent works that stimulate the senses with bright textured, tropical impressionism — works inspired by natural surroundings in the Florida Keys. Mingle and chat with the artist, who will paint en plein air at the gallery. Johnson is trained in Fine Arts, including knowledge of paintLarge Coconut Palm, oil on linen, ing materials and techniques from 40x50 inches traditional to contemporary. Her works include various styles and mediums, remaining flexible during the creative process. Johnson resides in Key West and paints in her studio and on plein air and teaches oil painting. Key West Pelican, oil on linen, 20x24 inches INFO David Briskin, gallery director, (305) 414-8396 www.AmandaJohnsonFineArt.com september 5-11 Published Weekly KONK Life NEWS DIRECTOR Guy deBoer EDITOR|DESIGN Dawn deBoer NEWS WRITER John Guerra ontheinside! UPFRONT 05 FUNTIMES PHOTOGRAPHERS Larry E. Blackburn Ralph De Palma EDITORIAL CONSULTANT Connie Gilbert CONTRIBUTORS Guy deBoer Key News Rick Boettger Local News & Opinion Louis Petrone Key West Lou Steve Calderwood Wining the Keys JT Thompson Hot Dish Scott McCarthy The Gadabout Kimberley Denney Bitchin’ Paradise Paul Menta What’s Cookin’ Christina Oxenberg Local Observation Jenessa Berger Get Your Wellness ian Brockway Tropic Sprockets 14 FESTIVALS 22 ADVERTISING 305.296.1630 Marc Hollander|305.619.4414 [email protected] Advertising Deadline Every Friday PRINT-READY advertising materials due by Friday every week for next issue of KONK Life. Ad Dimensions Horizontal and Vertical: Full, 1/2, 1/3, 1/4, 1/8 page, bizcard Ad Submissions JPG, TIFF, PDF — digital formats only Send to [email protected] CIRCULATiON Kavon Desilus ASSISTANT William Rainer ASSISTANT KONK Life is published weekly by KONK Broadcasting Network in Key West, Florida. Editorial materials may not be reproduced without written permission from the network. KONK Broadcasting Network RADIO ❙ TELEVISION ❙ INTERNET Key West, Florida (305) 768-0282 Fax| (305) 296-1630 Office www.konklife.com COLUMNS 07 COMMUNITY 17 ARTS CALENDAR FOR KEYS 18 TROPIC SPROCKETS 19 RESTAURANT PAGE KONK Life Vol. 3 No. 36 C O N T E N T S A KEY WEST LUAU LARRY BLACKBURN | photographer n More on page 11 4 www.konklife.com Chris Clark RN wipes the cots as she prepares a special needs shelter for hurricane evacuees from the Keys at Florida International in Miami. | Story below, DOH-Monroe UPFRONT IN THE KEYS Design on the way up for ‘Fly Navy’ building by JOHN L. GUERRA NEWS WRITER Everyone in Key West has seen the large building with the colorful “Fly Navy” logo painted on its crown. It’s the seven-floor Navy Gateway Inns & Suites hotel, where Navy and other military pilots stay during stopovers at Key West Naval Air Station. e hotel also serves retired military and dependents who want an inexpensive place to stay while seeing the sites of the city. e “Fly Navy” building just underwent a three-month renovation that included new lobby bathrooms, new paint schemes in the guest room hallways from top to bottom, and new entranceway through which guests enter the main lobby and approach the registration desk. e most important aspect of the renovation, the focal point of the hotel’s new look, is the wide, columned registration desk where hotel employees greet guests and assign them rooms. e 20-foot long limestone countertop and mahogany-stained wood cabinets support a ceilinged armage that contains five clocks representing time zones around the world. e creation of the rich, elegant centerpiece registration area went to a local custom cabinet and interior design company, Signature Spaces. Owner Nancy Stock, who has been designing and installing custom cabinets, counters and other elements of kitchens, bathrooms and other spaces in Key West homes and businesses for more than 15 years, said the Fly Navy job was complex. “We worked with several companies to put the final project together,” she said. “Electricians, frame carpenters, drywallers, plumbers — you name it. ere can be confusion on every job, but this job was handled with extreme detail.” A large granite panel illuminated by recessed lighting on the wall behind the three-cabinet, three-column frontispiece (elements that frame and decorate the main door to a building) is designed to create an elegant atmosphere, Stock said. e counter surface is made of Silestone, which holds consistent colors, requires less upkeep and doesn’t have to be sealed to prevent moisture from getting into its surface. Spilling orange juice or other liquid on the stone is easily wiped away and can’t permeate the Silestone surface. Working on the Navy property meant tight deadlines and procedures, she said. “Whenever you work on a Navy base, you have time limits, more regulations, and you have a limit on what you can use sometimes,” she said. “e company that managed the project, Dorado, helped make sure everyone worked together to get the job done. We talked by phone after hours, on weekends, late at night, early mornings, to do what it took to get the job done.” Josh Peterson served as Dorado’s superintendent. Stock’s installers include Eddie Ruiz, Alvin Frazier and cabinet maker Yarborough. Mingo Construction Inc., the general contractor who hired Signature Spaces to do the lavish check-in | Continued on page 6 www.konklife.com 5 FKSPCA fun Seeking out the sponsors, auction items Sponsors and silent auction items are sought for the September 26 Celebrity Gravity Pole Fitness fundraiser for the Florida Keys SPCA to be held at Le Te Da in Key West. Call Monica Matroci, (305)731-6898. INFO www.gravitykeywest.com DOH-Monroe Get ready for September’s National Preparedness Month e Florida Department of Health in Monroe County encourages all Keys residents to take time during National Preparedness Month this September to learn more about how to prepare for natural and manmade disasters. is year’s NPM campaign focuses on making emergency preparedness plans in cases where limited or no access to electricity, drinking water or food supplies for several days. INFO www.keyshealth.com, www.ready.gov, www.listo.gov | Continued on page 20 Free screenings Breast, bone density screenings for women at Womenfest Key West Celebrate Breast Cancer Awareness through a grant from the Susan G. Komen for the Cure foundation! Keys Area Health Education Center/AHEC offers free breast and bone density screenings to all women at Womenfest in Key West. No appointments, starting 10 a.m., September 5-6, at Ocean Wellness Spa on Simonton Street. INFO (305) 743-7111, Ext. 206 National Preparedness Month LOCALNEWS& OPINION n DOH-Monroe County: Learn how to prepare for natural and manmade disasters. www.keyshealth.com UPFRONT IN THE KEYS JOHN GUERRA | Continued from page 5 counter, was also in charge of other tradesmen at the site, including electricians, plumbers, floor installers and carpenters. Much of Stock’s business is in private homes where she creates new kitchens, bathrooms, sunrooms and other specialty spaces. “e economy is back,” she said. “People are flipping property again and getting a contractor is not easy. Homeowners have to find someone they are comfortable with to redesign their homes. After all, you are redesigning bathrooms and kitchens — spaces that are very personal to customers.” Stock said she enjoys Key West’s size as well as the opportunities to redesign spaces. “It’s easy to find something different to do here. ere’s a good mixture of commercial and residential work. Most small towns are either all commercial work or all residential. I feel lucky to be working in Key West.” INFO Signature Spaces, 1118A White St., (305) 294-4420 Key tourism County appoints TDC board term members Monroe County Board of County Commissioners appointed Peter Batty and reappointment of George Fernandez to the Monroe County Tourist Development Council. e agency facilitates tourism marketing of the Florida Keys and Key West. Batty Batty has been a member of the Utility Board of the City of Key West since 2005 and replaces Lou Hernandez, whose TDC term expired in August. Born in Salisbury, England, Batty immigrated to the United States in 1955. He has lived in the Florida Keys since 1989. He is president of SBX Commercial Real Estate and a Florida Supreme Court certified circuit and family mediator. In 2000, he was ordained as a permanent deacon to the Archdiocese of Miami. He is Fernandez a board member of the Star of the Sea Foundation and former board vice president of Wesley House Family Services and former board member of Florida Keys Community College Education Foundation. Batty’s goals for his four-year TDC tenure include promoting responsible tourism and increasing efforts to showcase Keys history. Fernandez is executive vice president and co-founder of the Key West Butterfly & Nature Conservatory. He was originally appointed in 2011 and his second term is to extend until July 2017. OUR REEF, R.I.P.? he main debate around widening the ship channel centers around the effects on our coral reef. e governing law features a simple ban on dredging in our marine sanctuary. e sanctuary’s regs try to save our reef. My question is, is it already too late? Is our reef hopelessly gone, past resuscitation? While the law prohibiting dredging seems clear, it can be overridden or changed. e sanctuary director can basically oveeride anything in the law, if he deems, say, dredging, to be in the overall best interests of the sanctuary’s mission. e current director would not allow dredging, but a successor might deem serving a larger public to fulfill the sanctuary’s mission. Right now a simple legislative action in Washington could overrule the very law that now bans dredging. A vote for pro-widening down in the Keys, by the very residents closest to the reef, would be a powerful incentive, turbo-charged by cruise ship political donations, to dredge the channel again. is is a tough battle, and I fear in a war that has already been lost. Because so many other battles have been waged against our dying reef that are not being addressed at all, and they will kill our reef no matter whether we dredge or not. Exactly what is worst for our reef is not scientifically nailed down yet, but bad effects include the following: • Nutrients from sugar-industry run-off. It feeds algae blooms which cut off light to the polyps. • Silt from the sea bottom brought up by decades of shrimp trawling. e image of trawling the sea bottom for shrimp like raking the forest for deer has always stuck with me. I can’t eat a Key West Pink without feeling guilty about how we got it. • Tons of alien sand regularly dumped to “maintain” our beaches, which are not natural here due to current flows. e sand all eventually runs off into our waters, tiny bits of silica smothering our coral heads and reef. • e blasting of massive jets of water into the sea bottom to uncover treasure. is has, been going on for decades. T 6 www.konklife.com I think it is indisputable that cruise ships pollute in numerous ways that they could correct, such as dumping mulched food (much worse than digested poop), using bunker oil and raising silt plumes with their thrusters. But any study addressing simply channel “widening” is likely to uncover the positive trade-off of reducing silt plumes versus destroying a certain amount of sea bed. us, I believe, a study will inevitably lead to a change in the law, and the dredging will take place. But even if the referendum fails, our reef will still die, from the causes listed above and the cruise ships that will still come through our current channel. e critical business and economic debate will not be solved by any study, as it has not been even addressed by the three past studies I have read. at is, does the fast money of cruisers harm other income streams into the Keys? e debating assumptions are, on the one side, that cruisers’ money trickles around the economy, and many come back to spend more. On the other side, that a glut of cheap spenders degrades the quality of life in Key West, driving away better money. While cruisers say their experience here wants to make them come back, only 3 percent of overnight tourists say their first experience of Key West was from a cruise ship. is matches my experience. Cynthia and I have liked every single port we’ve stopped at, but not gone back for an overnight at any of them. Our week- and month-long trips are to non-cruise ports. | Continued on page 10 RICK BOETTGER COLUMNIST COMMUNITY FESTIVAL Wild celebration! Witness the Florida Keys’ fall bird migration during the 15th annual Florida Keys Birding and Wildlife Festival, a six-day festival from Key Largo to Key West, September 24-29. Signature events: Dry Tortugas National Park excursion, guided birding and butterfly walks and talks, wildlife pho- tography workshops, all-day wildlife fair, Hawkwatch and backcountry boat trips. is year’s keynote speaker, Rafael Galvez, is director of Florida Keys Hawkwatch, the southernmost migration monitoring project in continental United States. Hawkwatch documents 25,000 diurnal birds of prey of 18 species during the fall and more than 120 species of www.konklife.com 7 KEY BUSINESS IN KEYWEST waders, shorebirds and songbirds migrating over the Keys. Festivalgoers join Hawkwatch at Curry Hammock State Park. INFO Kristie Killam, (305) 304-9625 At left, keynote speaker and Florida Keys Hawkwatch, Rafael Galvez GET YOUR WELLNESS COMING SEPTEMBER 21 e all-powerful lemon e all know that drinking water is one of the best things for our bodies, but most individuals are in some state of dehydration. e most common reason? ey don’t like water. It has no taste, it’s boring, etc. e problem is that even with the slightest dehydration, your body’s performance levels drop 10 percent. What do you do if this is you? Try adding lemon to the water. Squeeze half to a full lemon into preferably room temperature water, sip on it, and keep reading on to find out the benefits this easy and healthy drink has for your body. Lemon water can be a great way to help aid digestion in the body. Lemon juice has been used for centuries to support digestion. Lemon juice’s composition is very similar to that of our own saliva and the hydrochloric acid used to break food down in our stomachs. is encourages the liver to produce bile, an acid that aids in breaking down our food. It can also keep indigestion and its symptoms at bay. One major issue our society has these days is most of us are in a higher state of acidity than our bodies would like. Most are thinking that a lemon, pretty acidic on its own, isn’t going to help with this problem. But when the lemon is consumed, the citric acid does not create acidity once its metabolized. Citric and ascorbic acid are weak acids easily broken down by the body to allow its minerals to help alkalize the body’s blood. With regular lemon water consumption, the acidity levels in your body will drop, including uric acid levels in your joints, the primary cause for joint pain and inflammation. ere are so many benefits of lemon water, but this one seems like it might interest people. Lemons are high in pectin fiber. Pectin fiber helps fight those hunger cravings. (Most times you feel hunger kicking in, chances are it’s your body telling you you need water, not food.) W | Continued on page 10 KEYWEST LOU A N EW WAY TO WAGE WAR nLEGALITIES WITH Louis Petrone ast week the New York Time’s website was hacked. e site was down two days as a result of the attack. I was impressed and concerned. Impressed and concerned an entity as mighty as the New York Times could have its computer operation infiltrated and as a result shut down. Within a day or two of the hacking, an organization known as the Syrian Electronic Army claimed responsibility. Syrian Electronic Army is a known supporter of President Assad. No person or organization in the United States has denied the Syrian Electronic Army’s responsibility. Turns out this was not the Syrian Electronic Army’s first foray into the world of electronic disruption. e group had previously successfully hacked the Financial Times, Washington Post, and made an attempt to hack CNN. Twitter was also an object of the Syrian Electronic Army’s hacking. President Obama and Oprah Winfrey had their Twitter sites hacked so each sent a tweet in support of Syria’s President Assad. As I became aware of these occurrences, it became clear that hacking was a new way of waging war. One that could be quicker and more destructive than a payload of bombs or missiles. e geek (I use the term respectfully) world has a position of respectability and importance. An effective software design followed by the flick of a finger and a nation can be brought to its knees. is is not pie in the sky. It is reality. It is the present. Today, the New York Times. Tomorrow, a nation’s electric power grids, water, fuel, communications, transportation. L Howard Livingston MC’s pool-side concertparty held the last day of summer for the 4th Annual Summer Jam inf benefit of Wesley House Family Services. Be a sponsor, call (305) 809-5000. wesleyhouse.org MC Howard Livingston readies for summertime’s Summer Jam Sponsors sought Sponsors are sought for the 4th Annual Summer Jam, a family friendly island-style concert party held September 21 at Dante’s Key West Pool Bar & Restaurant and Prime Steakhouse in Key West. To be a sponsor for this event that supports Wesley House Family Services and its work on behalf of children and families in the Florida Keys, call (305) 809-5000, Ext 228. INFO www.wesleyhouse.org | Continued on page 17 JENESSA LOU BERGER COLUMNIST PETRONE COLUMNIST 8 www.konklife.com NOW WE’RE A WOMANLY WEEK COOKIN’ LARRY BLACKBURN | photographer A sweet-and-sour surprise! here are little speed bumps all over the island that make a squish sound sound, then you feel the bump. is would seem like a bad thing, but it’s actually a sign of a sweet-and-sour surprise right above your head. It’s the ever curious Spanish lime, and they are such a true Key West food. All the rain this year has produced these nice size Mamoncilos, which have a smooth green skin on the outside and sweet but tart lime flavor flesh with a nut inside. Its alright if you see them on the ground: if not broken open, they are good to go. Split it with your thumbnail and just like giving a kiss, put your lips on the flesh and enjoy the sweet. e nut inside can be toasted after done. Manny the coconut guy in Bahama village usually has small bags of the limes that you can buy if you don’t want the ground droppings or climbing a tree. You can let them soak in a bit of water after you shell them, then use a strainer to collect all the liquid and flesh without the seed. Add some pectin powder and chill for making a jelly or a dessert topping. You might wonder why I have bags of them and about 42 jars at the ready. Rumors of me opening Key West’s first legal rum distillery are true, and for the locals I will be making Bili, which is white rum soaked in Spanish limes and other secret spices for a month, then strained and drank. A unique flavor of the Keys and the rum doesn’t hurt either. As cooks we can take any product and find a use for it. I have chosen food to create my own for one of our more favorite times on the island, Happy Hour! ■ Eat local and always with a friend! Aloha T PAUL www.konklife.com 9 MENTA EXTREME CHEF www.keywestfuel.com LOCAL NEWS & OPINION KEYEVENT W I N E A B I T, Y O U ‘ L L F E E L B E T T E R RICK BOETTGER | Continued from page 6 But I don’t see the volume of cruisers on Duval and Zach Taylor beach affecting the lives of my high-ender crowd who live and spend so much here. Living in the Meadows, my life is in no way impacted by cruisers. On Zach’s busiest day, my snorkel dives are not bothered at all by even hundreds of more cruisers on the long beach. (I am much more affected by the sand dumped on what is supposed to be a marl beach). e Studios of Key West, the Literary Seminar, the Tennessee Williams Fine Arts Center, and our music, arts and poetry scenes have thrived in a parallel universe apart from the cruisers. I am profoundly sad about what I see as the inevitable death of our portion of the greatest living thing on earth, but heartened by our having so many blessings here that we will thrive even with its loss. Once-magic reef, R.I.P. ■ GET YOUR WELLNESS JENESSA BERGER | Continued from page 8 Back to lemons . . . Studies have shown the more alkaline your diet is, the faster you will lose weight. Someone that drinks a glass or two of warm lemon water has a better chance at losing weight. Seems like an easy addition to any weight-loss regimen. e list of benefits goes on, but highlighting a few more: It cleanses your system, boosts your immune system, clears skin, energizes body and mind, freshens breath, promotes healing and an essential nutrient in maintenance of healthy bones, cartilage and connective tissue. And lemon water helps in hydrating your lymph system. e advantages of drinking a glass or two of warm lemon water during the day is a great addition to anyone’s life. Such a simple task that will continue to help your body perform as it should that it seems silly for anyone to miss out on all the goodness! Start each morning with a glass of warm lemon water, wait at least 15-20 minutes to eat, and start reaping the rewards of lemons! ■ WININGTHEKEYS Zinfandel — the other white wine? O, NO, NO! White zinfandel is an oxymoron and an abomination on the world of wine! I will never forget one spring break a few years ago when I was driving down Duval Street on my scooter, and I was wearing one of my favorite t-shirts that reads “Friends don’t let friends drink white zinfandel.” I stopped at a red light and some breaker on a rental scooter pulled up next to me and, with a completely straight face, said, “What are we supposed to drink, RED zinfandel?!?!” I turned around with every intent to bitch slap him, but luckily the light turned green and I just drove away. My guess he would be U of M. Don’t get me wrong. White zin does have its uses. It’s two main reasons for existence are getting high school boys to second base after the prom and sedating grandma at anksgiving Day dinner. Other than that, it should pretty much be outlawed. With that said, zinfandel when made into a red wine is one of my favorite grapes. But what really makes zinfandel fun is the history of the grape. Before 1849, almost all of California’s wine industry was down around Los Angeles and very little was up north, but then one little thing changed all of that — they discovered gold in them thar’ hills. is meant there was a whole heap of thirsty miners who were going to be looking for a little juice of the vine to sooth thirsty souls, and people started planting vines like mad. In fact, over 2,000 vines were planted, mostly zinfandel, and the Sierra foothills became the largest grape-growing region in the state. But then a couple of little issues tested the fabric of the region. First of all, the gold ran out. is puts a damper on finding thirsty miners to buy your juice. N Keys Action to ‘Break the Cycle’ e more standing water in the community, the greater the chance mosquito species that can carry dengue will breed and multiply. Mosquito prevention is an ongoing effort: Florida enters its third year without a confirmed case of dengue fever in the Florida Keys. September 10-11 cleanup Florida Keys Mosquito Control, a leading partner in the Keys ABCD alliance, is looking for volunteers to help with a Stock Island cleanup next month. e cleanup is scheduled September 10-11 and will include some of the more remote areas of the island. Volunteers bag trash and identify large objects (tires, boats, etc.) that can hold water and will need to be removed. To volunteer contact Coleen Fitzsimmons, FKMC, 292-7190. Eliminate standing water e Florida Department of Health in Monroe County/DOH-Monroe encourages Florida Keys’ residents to eliminate standing water around property after heavy rains as a preventive measure against mosquitoes. Certain species can carry dengue, a disease that circulated in Key West between September 2009 and November 2010. Key West has not seen a confirmed case of dengue since November 2010. anks to Florida Keys Mosquito Control/ FKMC’s spray and inspection efforts and public’s eliminating standing water in receptacles where mosquitoes can multiply. DOHMonroe works with FKMC to distribute mosquito prevention refrigerator magnets and identify volunteers to help communitywide cleanups. INFO (305) 809-5653 10 www.konklife.com en, phylloxera, that nasty little root pest that killed all the vines in Europe and reeked havoc in California hit here. Luckily, because of the isolation and elevation of the area, the disease wasn’t as fatal as in other areas. Finally, that little constitutional amendment called Prohibition put a damper on wine sales. However, because of the area’s remoteness, Prohibition was hard to enforce and some vineyards were still tended and made small amounts of “sacramental” wine. Yeah, right. In fact, only one winery remained in production through the entire period. After Prohibition, the focus for wine making moved towards Napa and Sonoma counties. is region was pretty much forgotten. What didn’t happen in the region is probably the most important fact. Because of the remoteness of the area, no one felt the need to rip out old vines and plant something else. So in the 1970’s, when several wineries started operations again here, they had rootstalk that had been planted prior to Prohibition on which to grow their zinfandel. We got your old vines here! Zinfandel’s reputation has gone through a lot of changes, too. Early 1970s, as wine consumption in the United States started to increase, growers in Napa and Sonoma started pulling up their zinfandel | Continued on page 17 STEVE CALDERWOOD To receive Smokin’ Vines, a listing of all food and booze events in the Keys, send name and email to [email protected] AN ALL-CANDIDATES ROYAL SHOWING LARRY BLACKBURN | photographer n More on page 12 www.konklife.com 11 AN ALL-CANDIDATES ROYAL SHOWING LARRY BLACKBURN | photographer A KEY WEST LUAU LARRY BLACKBURN| photographer www.konklife.com 13 september 5-11 inside! (CLOCKWISE) Schooner Wharf Paul Cotton Smokin’ Tuna Rusty Lemmon Hog’s Breath Sister Funk FUNTIMES Schooner Wharf Tuesday Raven Cooper 7-11pm Wednesday Tim Hollohan 7-11pm Marty Stonley Schooner Wharf Bar 202 Williams St., (305) 292-3302 www.schoonerwharf.com n Thursday Tim Hollohan & Topher James 7-11pm Friday-Saturday Paul Cotton Band 7-Midnight Country rock band Poco’s main songwriter, lead vocalist and lead guitarist, Cotton’s 45-year career has yielded countless albums and acclaim, and his staying power is endless. Born in the Deep South and raised on the south side of Chicago, the soulful influences of his roots can still be heard in his songs. With local musicians Marty Stonely, Russ Scavelli, Joel Nelson, and Greg Shanle, band performs favorites from Poco plus originals, Buffalo Springfield and Illinois Speed Press hits as well as New Orleans-influenced tunes with southern tinge. Sunday Marty Stonley & Din Allen 6:30-11pm Monday Cool Trio 7-11pm Smokin’ Tuna Saloon 4 Charles St., off 200 block Duval, (305) 517-6350 n Friday Joal Rush 6pm Key West Songwriters Festival music attraction Saturday Nick Norman 6pm Norman tours club scenes in his native South Carolina as well as North Carolina, Georgia, Florida. Sunday Rusty Lemmon 6pm Singer and songwriter Monday Caffeine Carl and Nick Norman 9:30pm Hog’s Breath Saloon Schooner Wharf Bar Tim Hollohan 400 Front St., (305) 296-4222 n Monday-Sunday 0915 Mike Veal and Barry Thrasher 5:30-9:30pm Duo plays a combination of blues, rock and funk. Diverse musical backgrounds and regional influences color the tight sound for which they are known for in and around Atlanta. | Continued on page 16 www.konklife.com 15 FUNTIMES Hog’s Breath The Coal Men | Continued from page 15 Hog’s Breath Saloon 400 Front St., (305) 296-4222 n Thursday-Saturday Sister Funk 10pm-2am Nation’s hottest all-female band brings high energy, entertaining stage show to late-night gig. Music best described as commercial pop/rock similar in sound and style to artists like Pink and Maroon Five.Sister Funk’s show makes them more than another female band. Thursday-Sunday Sister Speak 1-5pm San Diego trio Sister Speak, after several tours, singer/songwriters (Samantha Cathcart and Hog’s Breath Hog’s Breath Sister Speak Sherri-Anne) teamed up to form Sister Speak. The two artists met in the Chicago music scene after completing debut albums. They have since performed more than 300 shows together, including appearances at NAMM Show, on Canada’s Global TV, festivals in the states and Western Canada. Vocals with acoustic rock and blues. Thursday-Sunday Jen 5:30-9:30pm Marathon singer-songwriter Monday-Sunday 0915 The Coal Men 10pm-2am Dave Coleman’s three-piece Nashville smart-rock trio. The band’s CD, “Nowhere’s Too Far,” called an eclectic rock record that’s a raucous as Saturday night in East Nashville. Band’s new release, “Escalator,” is out and receiving music praise. Jen 16 www.konklife.com WINING theKEYS STEVE CALDERWOOD | Continued from page 10 plantings and replanted with cabernet sauvignon and chardonnay, the most popular grapes of the day. However, at the same time, progressive growers such as Edmeades, Ridge Vineyards and Ravenswood started planting prime acreage with zinfandel and pruning the yields way back. (By reducing the number of grapes that grow on a vine, the flavors and minerals of that vine get concentrated into fewer grapes, thus producing a more intense flavor in each grape.) e wines were absolutely incredible, and a few years later, a lot of the growers that had ripped out their zin were busy replanting it again. Also, at the time, zin was touted as America’s grape, the only one indigenous to the good ol’ USA. Well, oops!, the University of California at Davis (which is sort of the Holy Grail of the American wine world) did DNA tests and found that it and primitivo, an Italian varietal, were one and the same. Well, UC Davis is not infallible. ey then did a DNA exam on the Croatian grape crljenak kastelanski (thank, God, we don’t have to call zin that) and it was found to be the father of both grapes which are, in fact, clones of the Croatian grape. So, today, the zinfandel grape has truly come into its own, producing a range of wine styles. One thing to keep an eye on, though, is that this grape is rich in sugar and can produce wines of up to 18 percent alcohol. A good bottle of zin will run anywhere from $15 to well over $100 (and it will also leave you with a really attractive purple tooth smile!) whereas an absolutely mediocre bottle of white zin can be had for $4, if you shop the grocery store specials. But, to keep things in perspective, white zin still outsells red zin by about 6 to 1 — a sad fact that I’m continually trying to change. at’s it for this week, so until next time — wine a bit, you’ll feel better! n To receive Smokin’ Vines, a listing of all food and booze events in the Keys, send name and email to [email protected] Key West Happenings Florida Keys Council of the Arts Cultural Calendar: Send events by ursday noon to Florida Keys Council of the Arts email: [email protected] Thursday, September 5, to Wednesday, September 11 ARTISTS RECEPTIONS / EXHIBITIONS • Thursday, September 5 Kate Levin, Riptide Opening & Reception, 5 PM Stone Soup Gallery, 802 White St. 296-2080. A selection of environmental photographic studies of the female nude. stonesoupgallery.com • Thursday-Saturday, September 5-7 Artist in Residence Weekend: A Celebration of Light, Color and Paint, 12 PM Two Monkeys Fine Art, 518 Fleming St. 414-8396. Amanda Johnson will be painting en plein air at the gallery and available to talk about her painting process, upcoming classes/worskshops. Also on display her recent new works inspired by natural surroundings in the Keys. • Friday, September 6 Upper Duval Street Stroll, 6 PM Special art exhibitions and receptions at galleries and shops along Upper Duval from United to Truman. Includes Art Studio Open House, Meet me at Kate’s Art Studio, 1309 Whitehead St, Leslie Bevens New Jewelry Designs & Reception, Cork & Stogie, 1218 Duval St, Frangipani Gallery, SoDu Gallery, Coco Salem, Gingerbread Gallery, Island Arts, Alan Maltz, & Archeo Gallery. CLASSES • Friday-Saturday, September 6-7 Special Women-Only Painting Bootcamp with Rick Worth, 10 AM The Studios of Key West, 600 White St. 296-0458. Special for Womenfest, Rick teaches you to paint our island’s favorite fowl, the rooster, walking you step by step through the creation of your own mini-masterpiece. tskw.org FESTIVALS & FUNDRAISERS • Tuesdays Aqua Idol, 6:30 PM Aqua Nightclub, 711 Duval St. 294-0555. aquakeywest.com Come and vote for your candidate for this year’s King & Queen of Fantasy Fest. All proceeds benefitting Aids Help. • To Sunday, September 8 Womenfest: Various venues & locations. womenfest.com FILM • Monday, September 9 72-hour Film Challenge, 7 PM Tropic Cinema, 416 Eaton St. 877-761-3456. tropiccinema.com Short films made by local film makers in the span of 72 hours. Reception, 6 PM. • Wednesdays Ibis Bay “Dive-In” Movie, Films begin at sunset. Ibis Bay Beach Resort, 3101 N. Roosevelt Blvd.394-3804 THEATER • Friday, September 6 Suzanne Westenhoefer, 8:30 PM San Carlos Institute, 516 Duval St. Main comedy show for Womenfest 2013. womenfest.com | Continued on page 18 www.konklife.com 17 KEYWEST LOU LOUIS PETRONE | Continued from page 8 e list is endless. A nation’s military command systems, air defense networks, and weapons systems that require computers to work could instantaneously be rendered useless. Leon Panetta resigned last year as Secretary of Defense. He warned of cyber terrrorism and that the United States was not prepared to meet the threat. Panetta painted the picture clearly. e United States was facing a “cyber-Pearl Harbor” that would “paralyze the nation.” He further commented that not only the federal government but also private industry was way behind in providing protections against cyber war situations. e most recent leaker of government documents is Edward Snowden. He was able to escape the United States and now resides in Russia under the protection of the Russian government. A couple of days following the New York Times hacking, one of the documents Snowden leaked was disclosed by the media. It is called the Black Budget. e Black Budget in its entirety ran on the Internet. I briefly browsed through it. e Black Budget is so named because no one is supposed to know its contents. For security reasons. It tells a select few where U.S. tax dollars are spent with regard to national security. Total 2013 budget was $52 billion. A portion of the budget was allocated for offensive cyber operations: the U.S. cost for doing to other countries what the Syrian Electronic Army did to the New York Times. e dollars allocated for defensive cyber operations were insignificant in comparison. Nations and their citizens are not fools. People are aware their mother countries are using computers to spy on others. e question is whether any one in the United States, besides Panetta, realizes how ill-prepared we are to defend against a cyber attack. An attack that is comparable not only to Pearl Harbor but 9/11. If a nation has the capacity to engage in cyber espionage, it has the capacity to engage in cyber sabotage. Most modern nations have developed such capacities. Nations in the forefront of cyber activity are Iran, Russia and China. Makes sense. ere has already occurred history’s first cyber war. It involved the United States and Iran. It is alleged the United States cyber attacked an Iranian nuclear facility. e exercise infected 60,000 computers and claimed to set Iran back two years in its nuclear development program. Were you aware? In 2012 Iran hacked U.S. banks. A hacking that seriously affected the operation of the banks. Again, were you aware? ere are some who believe the Syrian Electronic Army is Iran’s baby, regardless of the Syrian portion of its name. Bottomline is time is being wasted. Valuable time. e United States must move its ass to catch up and be ready for the onslaught which most certainly will come in today’s world. n TROPICSPROCKETS Key West Happenings | Continued from page 17 MUSIC n I N R E V I E W W IT H Ian Brockway Closed Circuit rom “Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy” producers Tim Bevan and Eric Fellner, here is “Closed Circuit,” a second thriller focusing on M-I5 with all the trappings of terrorism and surveillance. e setting is London, and there has just been a truck bomb caught on closed circuit cameras. Lawyer Martin Rose (Eric Bana) is chosen to be the defense for suspect Ilkay Ergodan (Pinar Ögün). To complicate matters with some romantic pathos, Claudia SimmonsHough (Rebecca Hall) an old, tense flame of Martin’s, is also hired on the defense. According to law, the team can not share information between themselves or, for that matter, be social. To handle this, the case is split into two sections with Martin handling the public questions while Claudia agrees to handle the closed sessions. ere is some apprehension as we watch the two rendezvous in secret, but the real charge is when we notice that the two are being watched by either a stealthy cabal or an infinite IMAX-eyed group of faceless screens. Eric Bana acts appropriately shadowed, his eyes drawn, his face tight. Rebecca Hall’s eyes get wider and wider as she notices a book just not quite leaning the right way on her bookcase. We know what’s coming through the slinky shadows and treading music, but espionage aficionados will still jump a bit. ere are some good turns given by the steady Jim Broadbent, who gives the most sinister performance in the film (who is all the more creepy though his casual nonchalance) and Ciarán Hinds from the aforementioned “Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy.” F www.TropicCinema.com Tropic Cinema, the only nonprofit art multiplex in South Florida. Rated Best Cinema in Florida, 2009-2012 Also good is Ergodan’s crafty son played by Hasancan Cifci. While the action is predictable and could use a dose of Hitchcockian happenstance and humor, the darkling silhouetted moments still have some flavored creatine left over from John Le Carre. e best moments of “Closed Circuit” remain when we are unsure just who is pursuing who, and the buildings are depicted as glassy domes of passivity. Under the march of shoes, ties and square slate faces, only the camera shows life as it records for sterile satellites. A sense of mystery combined with an unending tread of life is always more interesting than identifying the sneaky. e Spectacular Now Director James Ponsoldt scores a satisfying, if not entirely original, coming of age film with “e Spectacular Now.” Ponsoldt who gained traction with his film “Smashed” about a teacher battling alcoholism, again tackles some fermented demons in Sutter, a teenager who masks a lot by nipping at a flask. Sutter is the life of the party, charming his fellow classmates by reaching for the spontaneity of life. When Sutter (Miles Teller) passes out on a stranger’s lawn, he is discovered by shy and quirky Amy ( Shailene Woodley). Woodley who gave a facile outing in “e Decendants,” gives another solid performance here. Both Woodley and Teller give the story a lively charisma and their romantic infectious spirit keep the story rolling. You won’t meet a character quite so lively as Sutter, but his carnival smiles cloak his deep lack of self esteem. He is a bit like Ferris Bueller with a Jekyll and Hyde syndrome. ere are some apprehensive first love scenes which speak a bit about the fear of the body and intimacy, and the tension lies in the fact that Sutter is a cad, out of a fear of rejection. rough it all Amy is warmhearted and vivacious, taking most things in stride, until Sutter’s demons are manifest. | Continued on page 20 18 www.konklife.com • Thursday, September 5 Corday & Aquanettes, 5 PM Aqua Night, 711 Duval St. 294-0555. aquakeywest.com Womenfest inspired show. • Thursdays-Saturdays - In the Cabaret, 5 PM The Gardens Hotel, 526 Angela St. 294-2661. gardenshotel.com Featuring: John Benson, Michael Robinson, Bobby Green & Karen Heins. Sunday, Jazz in the Gardens resumes Oct. 6. • Friday, September 6 The Love Lane Gang, 8 PM McConnell’s Irish Pub & Grill, 900 Duval St. A broad musical palette such as swing, old school country, rockabilly & bluegrass. More venues: 9/8, Salute, 1000 Atlantic Blvd, 5:30 PM. • Nightly Entertainment - Tavern ‘N Town, 5 PM Marriott Beachside, 3841 N. Roosevelt Blvd. Featuring Rob Distasi, Mike Emerson, Bobby Nesbitt, Carmen Rodriguez & Michael Thomas. DANCE • Fridays: Salsa Dance Lessons & a little Salsa Rueda too!, 7 PM Paradise Health & Fitness Dance Studio, 1706 N Roosevelt Blvd. keywestdance.wordpress.com Beginner to advanced. Drop in class every Friday, no partner needed. • Saturday, September 7: Girly Burly Burlesque Show, 9 PM Bourbon St. Pub, 724 Duval St. keystix.com The Conch Republic’s queen of burlesque, Tatah DuJour, hosts a fun-filled evening of southernmost city’s females. • Mondays: Argentine Tango Practica, 8 PM. All welcome, no partner needed. Ballroom & Latin Dance Music. No partner needed. Come and observe to see if you’re interested. The Dance Factory, 906 Kennedy Dr. Daina, 304-8184. • Wednesdays: Swing Dance Lessons, 7 PM Paradise Health & Fitness Dance Studio, 1706 N. Roosevelt Blvd, 296-6348. Instructors Lucy Carleton and Tom Wheaton. 6-week course. ONGOING ARTIST OPPORTUNITY • Sculpture Key West Seeking proposals – New Deadline Monday, September 16: Create outdoor works that respond to and interact with the tropical environment. Venues will include Key West’s historic fort, gardens, beaches, forests & grass areas. Applications for the 2013-2014 season online, sculpturekeywest.org • Call for Entries for NANA13 – Deadline Tuesday, September 17; Lucky Street Gallery, 540 Greene St. 294-3973. Luckystreetgallery.com First annual juried show for emerging artists will be held during Art!KeyWest! Requesting 6 entries per artist for jury consideration in the categories of: Painting, Sculpture, MixedMedia/Constructions, Drawing & Photography. To enter complete form on website. MUSEUMS • Mel Fisher Maritime MuseumCo Exhibits, 9 AM, 200 Greene St. 294-2633. melfishermaritimemuseum.org • Key West Wildlife Center, 9 AM, 1801 White St, 293-7013. Free admission, parking and tours. • Preserving History, Brick by Brick: the Story of the Custom House, 281 Front St. 296-6616. kwahs.org A Soldier from Independence Exhibit, Truman Little White House, 111 Front St. 294-9911. trumanlittlewhitehouse.com n KONKLife’s BiG SAViNGS! Get YOUR SAViNGS here! 521 Fleming St. 15% off COMMUNITY SPOTLIGHT THE SEVEN MILE BRIDGE FLORIDA KEYS NEWS BUREAU Senior summer fitness IAN BROCKWAY | Continued from page 18 Florida Keys Area Health Education Center with Health Foundation of South Florida offers Enhance Fitness Program for Monroe County seniors throughout the summer and fall seasons. e fitness program is a researched, evidence- based program including balance, coordination and flexibility exercises and cardio and weight training. Classes: 10-11 a.m. three days a week (Monday, Wednesday and Friday); $35 per month at the Keys Senior Citizen Plaza, 1400 Kennedy Drive. Miles Teller and Shailene Woodley are utterly convincing, and Sutter has such a charge of amorality, at times, that is part festive and part Dionysian in the dark sense that he keeps us guessing. ere are fine performances given by Jennifer Jason Leigh as Sutter’s mom and Kyle Chandler as a boozy and tepid father who pines for Key West and strives to perpetuate the illusion that everybody likes him. e best part of “e Spectacular Now” is its abrupt art-house conclusion which gives a sense of volatility to its characters reminiscent of a junior version of “e Graduate” and “Leaving Las Vegas.” INFO Keys AHEC, (305) 743-7111, Ext. 204 Tropic Beats special e South Florida Symphony Orchestra offers new subscription series, Tropic Beats, beginning October. Series presented in more informal and intimate venues and provide more time for classical musical lovers to socialize with food and drink as part of the evening. Some things will not change — the professional virtuosity of the musician and exciting program selections. Subscribe now to receive $50 discount for each pass purchased. n Write ian at [email protected] www.TropicCinema.com Tropic Cinema, the only nonprofit art multiplex in South Florida. Rated “Best Cinema in Florida 2009-2012” TROPICAL BEATS Musical Excursions! New series for 2013-14 Season moves classical music from concert hall to locations around Key West. Subscriptions, like season tickets to sporting events, are way of purchase of an entire series or combination of concerts in advance for a lower price than purchasing each concert individually. With SFSO subscription package, receive priority seating. BITCHIN’ PARADISE KIMBERELY DENNEY | Continued from page 23 App sign up new! e American Red Cross’ Team Red Cross App allows people to sign up to help, get an overview on basic tasks and receive notifications about Red Cross disaster volunteer opportunities. When the Red Cross needs volunteers, Team Red Cross App notifies users based on location. Download the app before a disaster strikes for to help immediately. App is free and designed for iPhone and Android smart phones and tablets. Features: Team Red Cross App is the seventh in a series of Red Cross apps on 3 million mobile devices nationwide. A Red Cross survey shows apps tied with social media as fourth most popular way to get information during emergencies, behind TV, radio and online news sites. Nearly one-fifth of Americans receive emergency information from an app. Team Red Cross App available online, redcross.org/mobileapps INFO redcross.org, (202) 303-5551 Seven Mile Bridge near Marathon. e Florida Keys Overseas Highway with its 42 bridges is one of five All-American Road highways. Only 31 U.S. roads are designated All-American by the National Scenic Byways program. e span on the right is historic and no longer used for traffic. 20 www.konklife.com to relationships. We don’t want the cougar to get any ideas. Personally, I’ll take an older guy with a paunch any day over a 25 year old with rockhard abs. Because that older guy has learned some lessons . . . and makes me feel less pressured to match those rock-hard abs. ey’re more fun, wittier, charming, laid back. Oh, and naturally confident. Take note, boys. And hate to break the bad news, but we don’t have to wear glasses to see through all your moves. And those moves are pretty rote, and really old after about five minutes. Rethink your game plan. And I’ll let you in on a little secret: YOU’RE NOT THE PRIZE! But as long as you think you are, keep on truckin’. n @bitchinparadise A FAREWELL SALUTE ! JILL AND SANDY LARRY BLACKBURN | photographer www.konklife.com 21 COMMUNITY SPOTLIGHT OUTBACK ey’re coming! KEY HAPPENING Poker Run bikers ride the Keys, September 19-22 Motorcyclists from throughout the United States are to travel one of America’s most scenic highways to raise money for charity during the 41st annual Phil Peterson’s Key West Poker Run, ursday to Sunday, September 19-22. e 2013 run features three Florida Keys cruising days, so participants have more time to explore the island chain. Traditionally drawing up to 10,000 bikes, the popular ride features a unique route down the 113-mile Overseas Highway from mainland Florida to Key West. Offering long vistas of breathtaking sea and sky, roadway incorporates 42 bridges spanning the waters of the Atlantic Ocean, Florida Bay and Gulf of Mexico. Beginning September 1, bikers register to ride at Peterson’s Harley-Davidson of Miami, 19400 N.W. 2nd Ave., and Peterson’s HarleyDavidson South, 19825 South Dixie Highway. Online registration accepted before that date, www.petersonsharley.com Participating bikers receive poker sheets when register and draw cards at designated stops along the route. First stop opens at 9 a.m. ursday, September 19. Riders check in at the final stop in Key West by 5 p.m. Saturday, September 21. Entrants who draw the 10 best poker hands are eligible to play in a winner-take-all round of Texas Hold’Em,11 p.m. Saturday, September 21, at Rose Tattoo Bar, 618 Duval St. Winner takes home a new Harley-Davidson Sportster motorcycle or $6,000 cash. A section of Lower Duval and Greene streets are closed to car traffic — 11 a.m. Friday to 2 a.m. Saturday, and again 7 a.m. Saturday to 2 a.m. Sunday — so bikers with weekend parking passes can park on the street to display bikes and enjoy a street party. Other attractions include ursday night Upper Duval Crawl, Friday and Saturday bike merchandise market, Saturday’s Biker Bash and custom bike show, oceanside Sunday brunch and weekend parties at Key West resorts and watering holes. Poker Run is a fundraiser for the Diabetes Research Institute and charities of the Key West Sunrise Rotary Club. SoMo premiere October’s southernmost marathon Festival is on! rough September 8 ousands of women have arrived in Key West for the 27th annual Womenfest through Sunday, September 8. At the acclaimed festival, singles, couples and groups of women can experience the all-welcoming diversity and attractions that have helped make Key West an internationally acclaimed LGBT vacation spot. Events include afternoon poolside comedy and games at Lighthouse Court Hotel, 902 Whitehead St., with pool parties and happy hours; live entertainment at Pearl’s Key West, 525 United St. ere’s also kayaking and paddleboard eco-tours, snorkeling and dolphin watching cruises, all-day watersports adventures, musical and comedy performances, offbeat art classes and late-night dance parties at Key West emporiums. Entertainment includes comedy showcase Friday, September 6, by award-winning lesbian comedian Suzanne Westenhoefer at San Carlos Institute, 516 Duval St. e gay comedian performed “e Late Show with David Letterman” and HBO. Doors open 8 p.m.; 8:30 p.m. show. Other performers: comedians Christine O’Leary and Key West’s “Postal” Wendy Carlisle, high-energy live music by Jennifer Corday and Sister Funk, Girly–Burly Burlesque Show and Key West rooster-painting class with local artist Rick Worth. Additional festival standouts: poker challenge, “speed meeting” at Pearl’s, golfing, dinner cruise and trolley tour spotlighting Key West’s LGBT history and landmarks. Event schedules and tickets at Womenfest headquarters daily at Key West Business Guild’s Gay Visitor Center, 513 Truman Ave. INFO www.womenfest.com INFO www.petersonskeywestpokerrun.com 22 www.konklife.com e inaugural Southernmost Marathon & Half Marathon, dubbed “SoMo,” follows a 26.2-mile or 13.1-mile route along the Atlantic Ocean, Gulf of Mexico and scenic avenues of southernmost city. Key West-based race Saturday, October 12, with associated events ursday to Monday, October 10-14. Marathon starts at 5:30 a.m. Saturday; half-marathon at 6 a.m. Start and finish lines at Pat Croce’s Rum Barrel, 528 Front St., event sponsor. Racers run a flat, fast course along Key West’s historic Old Town and Atlantic Ocean shoreline, neighboring Stock Island and Keys’ Overseas Highway to Mile Marker 9. Halfmarathon contenders race along Key West’s Atlantic Ocean shore and through Old Town. Water and “fueling” stations along both courses. Pick up runner packets 3-6 p.m. ursday, October 10, at Rum Barrel, or during race expo 10 a.m. to 9 p.m. Friday, October 11. Prerace dinner specials offered at Rum Barrel and other Key West restaurants. Race day spectators watch participants at “cheer zones” at Key West’s Salute! On e Beach, 1000 Atlantic Blvd., and Stock Island’s Lazy Dog Adventures, 5114 Overseas Highway at Hurricane Hole Marina. Awards ceremony and party with music 6-11 p.m. Saturday at Rum Barrel. Family-fun paddleboard races and Special Olympics athletes Sunday, October 13, benefitting Keys’ Special Olympics. INFO $110 registration ($85 half-marathon) www.somomarathon.com Art exhibits Mario Sanchez Exhibit, One Race-Una Raza, 10 AM, Gallery on Greene, 606 Greene St. 294-1669. galleryongreene.com Workshops • Mondays Beading Workshop & Meeting, 1 PM, Guild Hall Gallery, Upstairs, 614 Duval St. Jean Disrud, 304-8377. • Wednesdays Florida Keys Plein Air Painters, 9:30 AM, Joan Cox, 908-246-2043. • Saturdays Paint Your Own Pottery, 10 AM, Key West Pottery, 929A Truman Ave. 900-8303. keywestpottery.com • Daily Community Guitar Orchestra Keyswide, Matthew Jampol Classical Guitar Studio, 304-1437 seaconcertmusic.com Key West String Academy, Paul Dagle, 879-0560 keywestviolinstudio.com Violin, viola, cello, uright bass. Music theory, history and composition, instrument restoration. BITCHIN’ PARADISE COUGAR WHAT? ougars. I really take ofteam, or a confused cougar looking fense at that term, and for easy sex but who is really seeking I know I’m not the only one. a relationship with a man. Yeah, It’s something dreamed up by a because any girl who has sex is deep bunch of 20-something guys who down looking for a long term want to boost their already over partner. Doesn’t matter who you inflated egos. (Yes, I know some are. Yeah. Keep drinking. I mean, of you and you’re perfect gentlemen, dreaming. like my upstairs neighbor, but bear According to the website, with me). Because honestly, what Cougars dress suggestively — anywoman in her 30s or beyond really thing to make a guy notice her — wants to venture back to that mind- desperately not wanting to look fuck minefield that only men in middle age. Which is funny because their 20s can coordinate? I dressed suggestively in my 20s and My friend Jodi, a hot chick who now could really not care less about calls herself Pit Bull Cougar — hey, someone paying attention to my she’s in NYC real estate — says faux-cleavage. Men are advised being a cougar is about a “sexy, to “get close, see the wrinkles and smart, together woman who can get makeup, but by this time she’s any man she wants because she’s not already lured you to her lair.” 20 and stupid.” She totally nails it, She’ll often be a smoker, since it’s but unfortunately, I don’t think the a sexy prop and “got a light” is a rest of the world, or at least those good approach, dies (and yes, that’s 20-something guys, see it that way. how they spell it on askmen.com) Yet we still win, because we’ve got her hair, and dolls herself up. something over on Is this straight out them yet again. of a 1950s manual on So for women, how to tell the girls Cougar is a term of who put out from empowerment, but those who might put of course men have up a fight? Get the fuck to dirty it up. We’ve real, dudes. survived our 20s, reFinally, we see that alized we were way too there is something a good for whoever was man can offer the Kimberley our albatross, started cougar besides his Denney making decent money, young bod: he should @bitchinparadise and now we’re ready to be confident. But just face men on an even when you gained a playing field. Our friends are marpoint, you lose a hundred: he ried, or divorcing, but at this point shouldn’t compliment her too much we’re through trying to keep up and, in fact, the hotter she is, the with them. We’re happy. We just more “negative hits” she’ll need. want to have fun and not worry And by all means, don’t give her about where it’s going. too many gifts because she might So can a guy just go with it and get ideas about where the relationenjoy the ride? No. ey have to ship is going. And for the love own it. Cougars target the boys of god, don’t make reference because they’re playful and easy. | Continued on page 20 en websites like askmen.com have Hit me up, yo: to disrespect us. ey categorize [email protected] or “Cougars” into two types: you’re www.bitchinparadise.net either the female equivalent of a Tweeting @bitchinparadise man meeting the Swedish bikini C www.konklife.com 23