The Saturn Cycle and Astrological Life Compatibility With Carol Allen

1 The Saturn Cycle and Astrological Life Compatibility With Carol Allen Interview Introduction… David Shen: Hey, there! It’s David Shen here. Renee Wade: And Renee Wade. And welcome to another session of Attraction Control Insights, where we interview leading experts in the field of dating and relationships. David Shen: You see, here is the thing. In the many years that we’ve been teaching, coaching, and helping women, we realize that there’s no faster way to make progress, than to have multiple perspectives from people who are the leaders of their field. Copyright © All Rights Reserved 2012 -­‐ 2020 2 Renee Wade: Mm! And this is why we’ve found the best experts to share with us their knowledge and experience in finding love, triggering attraction, establishing that loyalty and trust, and frankly having the relationship that other people envy. David Shen: So we really think you’re going to enjoy this interview. I suggest you sit back, take some notes, and let’s get started! (intro music) Renee Wade: Hey, everyone. It’s Renee, here, and welcome to this interview with Carol Allen. Now, for those of you listening right now, who haven’t heard of Carol, Carol has helped and counseled thousands of women in the last two decades in the areas of men, dating, and relationships. But what’s amazing about Carol, is she is truly unique in that she comes from a completely different angle. She brings her unique astrology background into her daily practice and coaching. Now, we’re not talking about common star sign astrology that you may already be familiar with. We’re talking about an ancient spiritual wisdom that is being practiced in cultures for thousands of years. And not only has this type of astrology immensely helped Carol’s own love life, it’s given her clients so much more insight into their own love lives, and has brought important answers to important questions such as: “Am I compatible with my man?” “Is it my time for love?” And, “Is this relationship going to last?” You know, these are the kinds of questions that Carol answers on a regular basis. So, it is my privilege to have Carol with me today. Carol, are you there? Carol Allen: I am! Hello! Renee Wade: Hi, thank you for being here with us. Carol Allen: Thank you so much for having me. It’s so amazing we can talk from across the world. Copyright © All Rights Reserved 2012 -­‐ 2020 3 Renee Wade: I know! So, firstly, tell me what got you into teaching relationships, and especially through the method of astrology? Carol Allen: Oh, boy. Well, I was one of those people that just—everyone always told their innermost secrets. I just have that kind of effect on everyone. I just feel very—I feel like someone people always know? People always think they’ve met me before, or they know someone that looks just like me. So, it’s very nice. I feel very lucky that way. And so, even before I ever got on this path, I was the person that everyone told everything to. (laughs) So—I always had a voracious appetite for personal growth and self help information. I read an amazing book on reincarnation in, you know, junior high. And, from then on, I was just a maniac, reading everything I could get my hands on about spirituality, and personalities, and psychology and— Renee Wade: This is your passion… Carol Allen: So, that was kind of how it started, and then just one thing led to the next. I mean, you know how life is. Life tends to sort of guide us, to what we’re supposed to be doing. Now, definitely that was the case, for me. Renee Wade: Wow. So, did you actually have, early on—Did you have your own meeting with an astrologist and he gave you some answers? I’ve read that somewhere, about you. Carol Allen: Well, you know what was so funny, Renee? Is, I—Actually, I have an older sister that—It’s so hilarious that I’m the astrologer, because I have an older sister who was obsessed with astrology, and she got all those Linda Goodman books, and she even had a book called, like, Sexual Astrology, and she would read up on, you know, boys and their sign and her sign— and so she was the one who was always talking astrology, and she was the one who would go up to people and ask for their birth sign… and I was not! I was, like, “Yeah, whatever. It’s interesting! Whatever…” Um, and so, as we got older— I never had a reading until I was out of college. And, once I was out of college, I went through that classic “quarter-­‐life crisis”? Where, you don’t—Everything seems like such Copyright © All Rights Reserved 2012 -­‐ 2020 4 a huge decision, and you feel like every decision you make is going to affect the rest of your life—which, of course, it does. (laughs) And, you feel all this pressure, like: “Who am I?” “What am I doing?” “Where am I headed?” And so I went to see an amazing woman—actually, in northern California—who really encouraged me. I felt like I should come to L.A., and she really encouraged me to move to Los Angeles, and I was pursuing the arts. And she gave me this beautiful reading about how I should be an actress… and so, I moved to L.A., and everything went wrong! You know? Everything that could possibly go wrong, went wrong. And I had the classic “time of trials” and I started pursuing acting, and every interview I went on, I got either into a car accident on the way, or I got food poisoning, or I got mugged. I mean, like, you name it. It went wrong! And it just seemed like the universe wanted me to do anything but act. (laughs) Renee Wade: Yeah, it was sending a message for sure! Carol Allen: Yeah! So, in the middle of this misery, I met a Vedic astrologer at a party, and that’s the system from India, and the system that I practice. It’s the oldest system, it’s been around—some scholars think, even, eight thousand years? And a friend of mine had gone to him for a decade and she said he was so amazing. So, I had a reading with him, and unlike the lovely woman astrologer that I had been to, he said, “Oh my gosh. Your chart says you’re supposed to be some sort of spiritual counselor, and your chart says you’d have disappointment in the arts, and what the hell are you doing trying to be an actress?” Renee Wade: Oh, gosh. Yeah? (laughs) Carol Allen: (laughs) And he basically, you know, tried to spare me from this—the horrible path I was on. But the thing that was so incredible, Renee, was he said to me, “You can’t possibly even try to have a serious relationship until you’re thirty. And at thirty, everything that can come together will come together and I see you getting married.” Well, I was twenty-­‐three, and thirty felt a million miles away. And I didn’t like that idea, that something was out of my control? I didn’t like that I couldn't make a choice and make it happen. So, I was on a mission to make him wrong? (laughs) And by Copyright © All Rights Reserved 2012 -­‐ 2020 5 the time I was twenty-­‐nine, I was bleeding, I think, from every—you know—part of myself. I was wounded, and broken, and I really surrendered. I said, “Okay! Uncle! I give up, clearly it isn’t my time!” And then—boom!—right when he said, within three days of this period he told me? There was my husband. Renee Wade: Wow. Carol Allen: And by then, I was also an astrologer and I had also studied for a long time, and had made this very same prediction for a lot of other people, and have seen it come true. So, there really is a map that we all come in with, that lays the sort of landscape and gives the land schedule—the train schedule, I like to call it—of our lives. And when we really follow the schedule and do what worked, you know? Here, I was trying to do a path that wasn’t my path, and, you know, and it—not that life isn’t challenging when you’re on the right path, because that can happen, too—but, it was so obvious, the difference, when I started pursuing astrology, versus when (laughs) I started—I was pursuing acting. Like, when you’re doing the thing that’s meant for you, doors tend to open. It’s like, for other people, acting is hard—of course— Renee Wade: I can relate to that as well. Yeah. Carol Allen: So that’s how that all happened. And so, I’m a living proof, I was my own first—you know—testing ground, and so, it’s fun. It’s fun to help people figure out what they’re here to do, and when. Renee Wade: So what is Vedic astrology, and how is it different from this normal astrology that we all seem to know? Carol Allen: Well, basically, in terms of— Philosophically, what I just shared is very typical. The Western system is very Western. It’s very, “Ooh, you can have anything, you can be anything, you can do anything, you can use your will to pull yourself up by your bootstraps! Go for it!” Whereas the Vedic system is much more Eastern in its idea. It’s much more fatalistic, it’s much more—this idea that there’s a destiny that’s already Copyright © All Rights Reserved 2012 -­‐ 2020 6 written for you. And, if you could align with that, your life would be much better. So, that’s the philosophical difference. The actual differences are many, but the biggest one that shocks people the most, is the calculations are different, and the dates for the signs are different. Those people are not the sign they think they are. Renee Wade: Oh! Carol Allen: And I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, Renee, but a couple of years ago, an astronomer came forward, and was interviewed—on the internet, and said, “Oh, people don’t realize, the signs have shifted, and the dates are no longer accurate, and everyone’s looking at the wrong signs.” And he created this (emphatically) crazy media firestorm! People freaked out at this, and never in my lifetime has astrology been on the nightly news, and suddenly it was all over the news and Facebook, and… Renee Wade: Oh, gosh. I didn’t hear about that. Carol Allen: Yeah? It was in 2010. And what he’s talking about, was something Vedic astrology has talked about for centuries, which is the fact that the Western dates were accurate two to three thousand years ago, but they failed to take into account a little something called the “procession of equinox”, which is the fact that the earth is spinning very quickly in one direction and wobbling very slightly in the other? And, that slight wobbling makes it so that we slowly lose our perspective—or, the position, rather, in relation to the star signs. And, it’s a slow slow slow process, but, over the centuries, it becomes a big deal. (laughs) And so, the Western dates were true and observable two to three thousand years ago but they’re now almost an entire sign off? And so, those people are the sign before… Renee Wade: No wonder! I wondered, because, you know, I always thought I was a Leo, and you said that a Leo is a masculine sign. I remember you saying that, and I was like, “Oh. That’s… interesting.” Carol Allen: (laughs) You’re like, “Not me! I’m the feminine queen!” Copyright © All Rights Reserved 2012 -­‐ 2020 7 Renee Wade: (laughs) Exactly. So I’m going to have to look into that! So, why do you say sun signs aren’t significant in relationships? Carol Allen: Ah, well that was the next thing I was going to say. So, your sun sign is only one part of the story. It’s an important piece, but even if you were a Leo, Renee, you could still be a feminine goddess. (Wade laughs) Carol Allen: Because it’s really only about eight percent of the story. But, the thing about sun signs, is they do have a great deal to do with the way we carry ourselves, and the way we behave. So, it is nice and very accurate to say, “Oh, if you’re a Leo you’re proactive and positive and going for it, if you’re a Cancer—like you really are—you’ll be feminine and family oriented and sweet and you love helping people and…” you know, so it’s not that sun signs don’t matter at all, it’s just that in relationships, it’s not the thing that’s emphasized. It’s more the thing that’s emphasized in career, but when it comes to your relationship, there’s actually something else in the chart that’s far more important— Renee Wade: oh… what is that? Carol Allen: —and most people don’t even know this other thing. And, it’s your moon sign. Renee Wade: Oh! Okay. Carol Allen: Yeah! I mean, it’s hard enough to go up to a stranger and say, “Hey, baby, what’s your sun sign?” Try going up to them and saying, “Hey, baby—” Renee Wade: “—what’s your moon sign?” Copyright © All Rights Reserved 2012 -­‐ 2020 8 Carol Allen: Because the moon sign changes every two and a half days, and it’s the fastest thing in the night sky. And so, most people have no idea what their moon sign is, but the moon sign indicates the emotions and the psychology, and how you relate to others emotionally. And so, that’s, of course, the thing that matters in relationships, is… how you relate! Renee Wade: Yeah, ’cause relationships are based on emotion. We get into them because of emotion. We get out of them because of emotion. Carol Allen: Yes. Exactly. And we feel good around people if they make us feel good. So, we succeed and fail in relationships, depending on how we make people feel! And, that’s all revealed by the moon. Renee Wade: Wow. Carol Allen: (with mystical shimmy) Ooh! (laughs) Renee Wade: (laughs) So, can you explain the planetary—well, can you explain what “planetary profiles” are, and why they’re more helpful than knowing the signs of the zodiac? Carol Allen: Well—You’re so sweet, because I know you’ve read my book, thank you very much— Renee Wade: Yes. Carol Allen: —and so, I break this shocking news in my book, that… One of the things having a sister like the sister that I had, who always went up to strangers and asked them their sign, and really talked about signs like they were so important? When I started actually hanging around professional astrologers, one of the things that struck me and was so surprising, was they don’t actually describe people based on their signs. They describe people based on something that I have come to call “planetary Copyright © All Rights Reserved 2012 -­‐ 2020 9 personality profiles” which are— The idea that we all have one, sometimes two but usually one, planetary influence in the chart that takes center stage in our personality. And often, when we talk about the signs, what we’re really talking about is the planet that is in charge of that sign, or the ruling planet of the sign. So, for example, for Libras, we always hear, “Oh, they’re so beautiful, and they’re so fashionable, and they’re so artistic, and creative, and they can decorate so well and they’re often artists…” everything I just said is associated with Venus. But, you don’t have to be a Libra for Venus to be your planetary, you know, personality? It really isn’t a question of, “Oh, well how do I tell my planetary personality?” It’s not about how to diagnose this in your chart, it’s about looking at who are you and which planet fits you, because there’s a million reasons that planet might be the indicator. It might be in your rising sign, it might be with your moon, it might be with your sun, it might be the ruler of your sun or moon. It’s whatever planet is really the one people most notice. So, there’s one for the sun and the moon and then for the—you know, the five major planets? And I can give a little thumbnail if you want me to—but, the reason this is easier, is it’s not as complicated as signs. And then, you know, sometimes it’s awkward to up to a stranger and say, “Hey, baby, what’s your sign?” But you can always tell their planetary personality, and if you can tell, you can easily then figure out what they’ll respond to, what will be important to them, what they’ll value— Renee Wade: It does sound a lot easier. Carol Allen: Yeah. And how to speak their language! Which is what we’re trying to do, when we try to figure out people’s signs. But, you know, one Leo can be outgoing, and another can be shy. One Cancer can be loving, and another can be selfish. So, it’s too general to just look to signs anyway? So, you want to look to the planetary personalities. So, shall I do a quickie on… Renee Wade: Yes, go ahead. Please. Yes. Carol Allen: So, starting with the sun. The sun, of course, is the power source of the solar system, and it’s the thing we all revolve around… So, some people are like that. Copyright © All Rights Reserved 2012 -­‐ 2020 10 They’re powerful. They light up a room when they come in. They have this big presence… Renee Wade: I’m one of those people, yeah. Carol Allen: (laughs) But they’re not super, aggressively bossy or dominant. But, they’re usually very big thinking, and very ambitious, and everyone sort of gravitates to them. So, that’s a sun person, and so, if these are women I would assume listening to this call, if you’re dating a sun person, that’s a man that’s going to really want admiration and respect. You know, think of, like the King? And the sun is going to really want a lot of acknowledgment and a lot of, “Oh, yes, sire, whatever you say, sire.” (laughs) Renee Wade: Of course. You warm up the world, after all, right? Carol Allen: Yes. And, you know, sun people are really here to help empower others? Because, again, it’s the source of the light? So, really, letting them empower you and acknowledging their help or their support or their ideas, makes them feel very good. So, don’t do any of the opposite of that, with a sun person. Or, don’t try to squelch them or tell them to be less ambitious. You know, that kind of stuff does not work, with a sun person. So, that’s the sun. Renee Wade: Mm-­‐hmm. Carol Allen: The moon is… you know, classically, a lot of women are the moon more, because the moon is—feminine, hello? The moon is like the estrogen influence. So, the moon is the connection, and moon people are the most sensitive, sentimental, mushy-­‐
squishy, lovey-­‐dovey… but they can also be that way to a fault. So, they can have a hard time setting boundaries, they can have a hard time saying “No,” they can feel responsible for a lot of things that are not their responsibility… Renee Wade: Sounds like a lot of women I know, including myself. Copyright © All Rights Reserved 2012 -­‐ 2020 11 Carol Allen: I know! (sympathetically) I know, so when women are dating, they have to be careful of following their feelings too much. You know? You want to have your feelings telling you things, but you also want to have a certain sophistication— and street smarts, too. And when women are all moon, they’re a little too, like, innocent and too good for this world. You know? And, we tend to be hard on moon men. Men that are really sensitive or emotional, or can’t make decisions and get stuck in their feelings—we want to kill these men, right? Renee Wade: Yes. I can relate. Carol Allen: It’s especially bad for moon men. Renee Wade: So thank you for sharing those. I never ever heard about that. Carol Allen: Right. And then, you know, the opposite of moon would, like, be a mars person. And a mars person is very, like, “Get the point. Hurry up, hurry up. Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!” They’re competitive, they’re fast, they over schedule, they want to bottom line everything, they want results. So, if you’re a moon girl dating a mars man? (laughs) That’s trouble, because you’re going to go to him with all your feelings, and he’s going to be, like, “Why does it matter? What’s the point? What does this mean?” So we can polarize each other, depending on our personality. Yeah, so I have a cool chapter on that, and truthfully I could have created a whole book just about this topic. Renee Wade: Sounds like it! Carol Allen: Yeah, they’re really fun. Renee Wade: So, you say in your book that a person can’t partner until it’s their season of love. So, what is that? What’s the season of love, and how does this work? Carol Allen: Okay. Well, this is both a big relief to people, and a source of great frustration. Just like I had that first Vedic astrology reading when I was twenty-­‐three, Copyright © All Rights Reserved 2012 -­‐ 2020 12 and he said, “Oh my gosh, you can’t possibly take any relationship seriously until you’re thirty,” there are, like I said, all of us come in with a sense of— a train schedule for our lives. And, there are times in our life when certain things will work, and times in our life when certain things won’t work. And, so, when it comes to love, you can actually see in the chart certain cycles and phases and influences that usher in love, and certain times that block love. And, if you’re in a blocked time, it doesn’t matter how feminine you are, how sophisticated you are, how loving, how beautiful, how savvy… this is when women will come to someone like you or me and use our real world advice, and they still cant find their dream man. And then they want to blame you for it. Right, Renee? (laughs) Renee Wade: Well, yes. I have been through that, Carol. Funny you should mention! Carol Allen: Or they want to blame me, or they’ll fell—or they’ll turn it on themselves and decide, “Oh my gosh, I must be broken and—” Renee Wade: “What’s wrong with me?” Yeah. Carol Allen: To the point of, “No one will ever love me,” or “I’ll never find what I’m looking for.” And so, I love—I both love and hate being able to tell when people are in a blocked time. I love it, because I love being able to say, “Look! There’s nothing wrong with you, and all those wonderful skills and tools you’ve been using are fantastic, and, just like a farmer can’t plant seeds when the ground is frozen, you have to wait for the conditions to be right.” Renee Wade: So how do you even… I mean, well, can you tell us how you dealt with that, emotionally? Because you said by the time you were twenty-­‐nine or thirty, you were bleeding from multiple wounds. So how… Do you just… Do you find another purpose? How can Vedic astrology help with that? Carol Allen: Well, so… That is a fantastic question. And what I have found, Renee, is this is another one reason why people come to me. If they’re usually in this blocked time, and they’ve lost hope, and they’ve tried reading every book and going to every Copyright © All Rights Reserved 2012 -­‐ 2020 13 therapist and practitioner, and they’re finally ready to do something as “weird” as call someone like me? Come to my website like mine and order a report on it? And so, what I have found—to answer your question, like, “What can they do?”— First of all, in my case, I was young and headstrong, and I didn’t know how much to—I didn’t know how to… how much value or credit to give this information? So, I set out to make it wrong. I set out to conquer and overcome it, and work against it. Now, I do not recommend that, because that’s exhausting. (laughs) Renee Wade: Hmm. Sounds it! Carol Allen: You know? And truthfully, by the time I was twenty-­‐six, I had surrendered to the point where I was just happy to date and have fun, and it was so funny. Renee, I kind of became a guy. Like, I had a boyfriend, who I was, like, “Babe, it’s all good. We don’t have to get married. I love you. Calm down—” (Wade laughs) Carol Allen: Like, “Where are we headed and what are we doing?! And I don’t really—! I don’t want to waste time! I love you, but I’m not sure!” And I’d like, “Honey, it’s okay.” You know? (laughs) I was like, “Let’s just have fun! Why do we have to worry about tomorrow?” You know? So, that’s actually one thing knowing this can do, too. And oftentimes, women will come to me, and they’re with the wrong guy. But, they love him and he’s treating them well. He’s just, maybe, on a different path than they know they want forever. Or, he’s inappropriate in some way, he’s too young, he’s too old, he lives far away, he’s a different religion, he’s a different race, he doesn’t want kids and she does… Sometimes, I’ll say to these women, “Great! Be with him. For now.” And they’re so grateful to know that, because they’ve been running around thinking, “You know, I have this lovely man in my life, but if I have him, I’m blocking my true partner, and he’s—he’s in the way, so I need to remove him so that the true partner can come.” But if it’s not time, all you’re doing is removing someone loving—Mr. Right Now, who’s wonderful—
for nothing! And you might be alone, or only dating guys who don’t treat you well, or aren’t worth your time. Whenever you’re in a good relationship, but it’s not Mr. Copyright © All Rights Reserved 2012 -­‐ 2020 14 Permanent… if they’re not in a full love season, or “season of love” I tell those women to keep those men, and they’re so grateful. They’re like, “Oh, yay! I can have some more fun?” Renee Wade: Yeah! Yeah, so, what you’re saying is that it’s totally okay to stay in a relationship just because it’s Mr. Right Now, and enjoy that. Carol Allen: We have this very Western point of view, Renee. Like, everything has to have a result, and everything has to lead to the big goal. And sometimes, life is just about living, and just about growing… Renee Wade: And enjoying. Carol Allen: And enjoying! Exactly! And so, you know, that lovely man that I dated that wasn’t my forever man, I learned so much in that relationship, and I had some really lovely experiences. So, by the time my husband came along, I wasn’t completely inexperienced and clueless, you know? (laughs) I knew myself, and I knew I had some practice using relationship-­‐building skills and things. So, yeah. So that’s some of what I often tell women, to answer your question of, you know, should I focus on another purpose? Sometimes that’s appropriate, too. Sometimes it’s more career time, sometimes it’s time to go back to school, sometimes—you know, you have obligations and burdens and family issues to deal with, or that sort of thing. The chart can be helpful for all of those questions. And I actually made a report on this very thing, because it was the number one reason women were coming to me, so I though, “Oh, I can only talk to a few women a day. How many women are going through this all over the world?” So, I actually have a—It’s called “cycles of Saturn” because it’s the planet Saturn that tends to block love. So it tells the woman when she’s in one of these cycles. And what to do about it, and how to work with it. Yeah. Renee Wade: Okay. So, Carol, can you tell us why are so many people—probably half the population, right?—Why are so many people late bloomers in love? Copyright © All Rights Reserved 2012 -­‐ 2020 15 Carol Allen: Gosh. You know, that’s a question for God. (both laugh) Carol Allen: But I’ll tell you, as an astrologer, one of the things I quickly noticed—Well, there are accommodations you can see, where it’s really smarter, more beneficial, and happier for people to partner older? Like, at least thirty, even usually the mid-­‐thirties, and on? So, what is interesting, though, is that it’s more common earlier than that. And, you know, in the U.S., the average age of the bride is twenty-­‐five, and the average like, twenty-­‐six, twenty-­‐seven? And, you know, in other places, in less Western places, it’s even younger. So, what happens, is that so many people have these specific combinations and—they won’t mean anything to anyone, so I won’t bore you with the semantics of it, but there are several culminations that can cause late blooming in love, and if you marry before that age—you know, there’s a certain age that the chart will say. If you marry before that age, typically, it’s like the starter marriage. Like, the wrong— Renee Wade: Wow! So, basically, you’ll inevitably end up divorcing? Carol Allen: Well, you’ll end up divorcing, or you’ll end up being, like, parallel lives kind of marriage where you’re not really a couple. You’re not really an intimate, close, connected team. Or that—that—I mean, I hate to say it, but one of you could pass on… I mean, there’s all kinds of reasons it may not last. And so, what I—you know, it’s awful to say, but what I love about being able to see this, is what often happens, too, is people don’t partner. And, they come to see me around, like thirty-­‐three, thirty-­‐four, thirty-­‐five. Or later. And they’re freaking out, Renee, because they’re, like, “Oh, my gosh. I clearly wasted a lot of time. I blew it! Obviously, I’m going to die alone.” (laughs) And I don’t mean to laugh, because those women maybe want children, and the older we are the less we have that option, and so they’ll come to be quite scared! And, so often, it’s just—
like—It’s just around the corner. I’ll see it in a year, three years, you know, two years. Sometimes more, sometimes five years or so, but I’ll see it. And the problem isn’t that it’s never going to come. The problem is simple, they’re on a different train on their train schedule… and they’re trying to hurry the train. You know? And, they have to just Copyright © All Rights Reserved 2012 -­‐ 2020 16 go further down the track. And that story we tell ourselves, that society has told us, like, “Oh, it’ll only happen when I’m young and cute,” and “Oh, when I’m older no one will love me,” and “Oh, when I’m older…” Renee Wade: It’s a tired and boring story. Carol Allen: Well, and it’s just—It’s not the truth. It’s just not the truth. You know, I went to a wedding a month ago, of a client of mine. She’s forty-­‐seven and had never been married before. She went up to a stranger in a restaurant and started flirting with him. They, like, broke every rule! (laughs) And I’ve been to a lot of those weddings, Renee, where the woman clearly couldn’t believe that she was forty, forty-­‐two, forty-­‐
seven, fifty… and so I’m a big fan and believer of the idea: if you’re still breathing and you still have a pulse and you still want it, it will come. My grandmother had her happiest marriage in her seventies, so I saw that in real life, you know? That it’s never too late. Renee Wade: Yeah, well, we can fall in love at any age. Carol Allen: Right. Renee Wade: Yes. Could you share more with us about the four critical keys for relationships? Carol Allen: Yes! So, you know, in my line of work, what everyone wants to know about is compatibility? So, many people are motivated to contact someone like me, to go to my site, to find out about their compatibility with different people, or that one special person. And, what I learned early on, is compatibility is very important. But, it’s often confusing, because you can have ideal compatibility with someone astrologically—
which will make you have chemistry, and you’ll feel comfortable with them, and you’ll laugh at the same things and you’ll have similar values and interests… but that’s not enough to be happy with them. So, I would do readings for women and they’d come back later and they’d say, you know, “Carol! You said we were so compatible, but we Copyright © All Rights Reserved 2012 -­‐ 2020 17 broke up!” You know? “You said we were so compatible, and I was miserable!” or, “You said we weren’t compatible, and I’m happy.” You know? So, quickly, I was curious about this, like, “How could this be? What does this mean?” And, I realized that compatibility is just one of five critical things. And, if you only have compatibility, it’s not enough. But if you have all five, this is when we’re in the, like—We win the lottery of love. (laughs) Renee Wade: Oh, so it’s the five critical keys, not four? Carol Allen: Well, yes. Now, I call them four in my book because four of them is astrological. But, one of them is—is actually in your hands. One of them is up to you. Renee Wade: Ah! Carol Allen: Yes. But four of them are astrological. So, the first one is—you really do need to be compatible with someone, to be happy with them. And, in India, to this day, they arrange most of their marriages? And, they’ve been using this incredible technique for centuries to—to arrange marriages. It’s a compatibility technique in astrology. And, it’s so crazy amazing, Renee, and it works. And it’s not just “will you like each other and will you get along?” it’s “will you be able to join lives?” Because you can really like someone, but still have constant—you know, drama… or, inability to make your lives come together. And, that can be so confusing. And so, I just love taking the confusion away from people, and being able to help them understand why they feel the way they do, and why their relationship either works or doesn’t? But, then, you know, we’ve already touched on timing. It has to be the right time for both people, both people have to be on the love train in their train schedule? And, you can meet the right person, but maybe they have a lot going on in their lives that gets in the way of their relationship. Or, maybe you have a lot going on. Maybe somebody is sick in your family, or maybe you get your dream job across the country… and, you know, if it isn’t time, it isn’t time. So, that’s the second thing. The third thing, is Person A has to be the kind of person Person B wants. You might want children, they might not. Or, they might want to live in the city and you live in the country. So, even though you’re compatible, and you can join your lives, you have different goals. So, that’s not going to work. Right? But then, more Copyright © All Rights Reserved 2012 -­‐ 2020 18 important than compatible, is, you have to find a person that is healthy enough to do relationships. Because you can have everything in common… with an addict. With a workaholic—an alcoholic. With a philanderer. Right? You can fall madly in love, and he can fall madly in love with you. But maybe he’s, you know, a cheater cheater. So, there’s a way to tell something called “relationship capacity” and it’s so much fun, Renee. I have reports on all this stuff. I have relationship capacity reports, and timing reports, and compatibility reports… Renee Wade: I know. You’ve got a ton of them on your website. There’s so much to look at. Carol Allen: Because I want women to be able to figure all this stuff out for themselves, and I don’t want them to blame themselves again, because, you know— Renee Wade: It’s a painful place to be. Yeah. Carol Allen: You’ve seen in your work, and I’ve seen in my work, and we’ve all seen with our friends… A wonderful woman will fall in love with a guy that’s got a lot of great qualities, but maybe he’s not very mature. And maybe he doesn’t treat her very well. And, really, that guy has what’s called “low relationship capacity” and, you know, later on she finds out he treated all his ex-­‐girlfriends that way, and she was blaming herself, and she was thinking, “If he really loved me…!” You know, that classic thing we do, where we torture ourselves and we beat ourselves up and we knock ourselves out to win the guy over, when, really, it’s like… He’s a bad guy. You know? So, that’s the fourth thing. But the fifth thing, the thing that’s in your control, is “Do you have good relationship skills?” Because, you can meet a great guy, it can be time, and you can be very compatible, but then you can start communicating poorly or fighting with that great guy, or ignoring that great guy. And you can ruin that relationship pretty quickly! If—You know—Not-­‐so-­‐great communication skills are not-­‐so-­‐great relationship skills. So, it’s not enough to just leave it all up to the stars. You have to take responsibility, too. Copyright © All Rights Reserved 2012 -­‐ 2020 19 Renee Wade: That’s amazing. It’s a lot to digest, actually, for someone who’s not really used to it. Carol Allen: It is a lot. Well, and again, you know, it’s both good news and bad news that it’s not all up to us and all up to… (laughs) Renee Wade: I think it is. Yes. Carol Allen: Yes. I think it is a relief that not everything is our fault, frankly. Renee Wade: It is. Yeah. It is a relief, and I guess though for a lot of people it’s a frustration. Because, then, of course you’ve got family and friends around who are all—
already married, or a family who expects you married, or a family who’s wondering why you’re not married, or what’s going on. Carol Allen: Right, right. And, you know, maybe you’re just on a different journey and a different path, and your destiny’s a little bit later than somebody else’s. Renee Wade: So, it’s nice to know that not everything is in your control. Carol Allen: Right. Renee Wade: So, you also mentioned that attraction works differently from men. So, how does it work for men and what is the big difference or differences? Carol Allen: I, like you, interviewed people. And I loved learning from other experts, and I love reading studies and learning about the brain and how the brain works, and the biggest difference between attraction for men and attraction for women really comes down to (pause) women can “come around”. We can meet someone, and we often do meet someone that we’re, like, “Eh,” or we’re actually not attracted to at all. And, he wins us over with his character and his kindness and his consistency, or his, you know, pursuit of us. They say twenty percent of women initially didn’t like the men they Copyright © All Rights Reserved 2012 -­‐ 2020 20 marry. But, men have to like us right away. Men have to be attracted to us right away. Basically, in a nutshell, it’s a brain difference between men and women? And it really is like that “caveman, cavewoman” difference? Yeah. We have the same brains we had a hundred thousand years ago. We were in tribal communities, and it was really important that a man gets with a woman quickly, but a woman would 41:46 a man over time. We had to do it quickly, because it’s much more important that a woman be healthy, to procreate the next, you know, generation? Not so important that a man be healthy. (laughs) And so, men make these kind of knee-­‐jerk quick decisions about us, and some of them are based on appearance, I’m sorry to say. The visual center of a man’s brain is twice the size than a woman’s. And, it’s very connected to the part of the brain that falls in love. Whereas the judgment center is connected to the part of the brain in a woman that falls in love. Renee Wade: Carol Allen: So, we’re judging their behavior over time, but they’re assessing us kind of right away for a vibe and a physicality. So, if he’s not interested in you, don’t try to wear him down. You probably won’t be successful. And, matchmaker friends that I’ve interviewed, all say that. They say, when they introduce a man and a woman, if, the next day, after the date, the man isn’t interested? They never push him to give it another chance. But, if the woman isn’t interested, they often will. And those women often will come around and happily marry the guy. Renee Wade: Oh, wow! Carol Allen: Isn’t that funny? Renee Wade: So, that’s based on solid research. Carol Allen: Yes. Mm-­‐hmm. Research, and anecdotal feedback from matchmakers. Renee Wade: Wow. Copyright © All Rights Reserved 2012 -­‐ 2020 21 Carol Allen: Yeah. Renee Wade: So. Carol, you have a program. A huge program here, on astrological attraction. What’s the most important thing that we should know about this program? Carol Allen: Well, it’s so interesting, you know. People think that astrology—and, rightly so—is so valuable, because it looks at compatibility. But, there’s something actually just as important, Renee, as compatibility. And, it’s the idea of are you—Are you qualified to be in a relationship in the first place? Because, just because you can have connections with people, and you can get along with people, doesn’t mean that things will go well. What makes things go as well as possible, is if you’re as healthy as possible. And, what’s amazing, if you look at ancient astrology books that talk about marriage? They have whole chapters on what makes a person a suitable partner in the chart. And, you can actually see this. What makes someone generous, empathetic, supportive, loving, affectionate, friendly, charming, playful, happy—and then, conversely, we all have things we call attraction killers, which make us, maybe, grumpy, angry irritable, overly emotional, hypersensitive… you know. You get the idea. Renee Wade: Everything under the sun, really. Carol Allen: So, I created this program because what’s really fun in readings, is being able to help someone understand their strengths and weaknesses, and what they can naturally do to manage themselves so that their strengths are what—are—you know, the bigger part of their lives and their interactions with others. So. So, that program helps a woman diagnose what I call “attraction amplifiers”? And then her, shall we say, “attraction killers”? (laughs) So that she can become more mindful and more strategic in both how she supports herself, and how she interacts with others. And, there’s a whole lot of other great thoughts and stuff about the brain, and what make… Renee Wade: Sounds truly exciting! Copyright © All Rights Reserved 2012 -­‐ 2020 22 Carol Allen: —attracted to each other, and what makes men respond and what makes women respond, and, you know women are so funny, Renee. And I know we touched on tis a minute ago, but—we—the average woman has a laundry list of, like, a hundred things that she wants in a man, and I tell the truth in this program, and this is from interviewing men and working with men and reading the points of views of men… For men, it’s a couple of things. “Are you hot?” and “Are you fun?” right? Renee Wade: Yeah, pretty much! Carol Allen: And, you know, they aren’t micro-­‐picky about us in the same way that we are about them. Anyway. But, it’s a really fun program, and it does something I’ve never seen anywhere else, to be honest. Renee Wade: That’s good news, yeah. Because there’s so much out there that’s so generic, or the same, or redone. Carol Allen: And so, the program walks the woman through running her own astrology chart— and then diagnosing. And there’s several ways to do this, so it’s not as simple as, “Oh! I’m a Pisces, and that means I’m sensitive!” You know? It’s “What’s in my first house?” Renee Wade: so it’s to the specific person… Carol Allen: It’s, like, advanced stuff. It’s advanced stuff, but it’s—I break it down, and I make it so easy that anyone can do it. Renee Wade: Okay. Awesome. So, you’ve mentioned to me that some women are simply more masculine, and that’s okay and they need to accept that. Can you tell us what kind of a man, a woman that’s more masculine, would naturally attract? Carol Allen: (sighs) Oh, my goodness. Yes. So, first of all, it’s not just, “she needs to accept it.” It’s that—The good news for masculine women, is the energy of being either Copyright © All Rights Reserved 2012 -­‐ 2020 23 masculine or feminine is all about doing. The qualities that make a person masculine, make a person a natural “do-­‐er”, and make a person achievement oriented. And so, masculine people, when you—whether they’re male or female, when you tell them what to do and what will work? There’s nobody better at doing what will work. And so, you can help a masculine woman—As you have found, Renee, with your entire life path—
you can help a masculine woman relax, settle more into her femininity, and drop some of the intensity of her masculinity. And, at the same time, the “she needs to accept it” thing is true, which is, if it is more truthfully her genuine personality, to be more masculine—and, again, you can see this in the chart, then part of her isn’t going to go away and she can’t learn her way out of it. But the good news is, quite honestly, women that are masculine often have somewhat of an easier time than women that are completely feminine. Renee Wade: With men? Carol Allen: Yes. Because a masculine woman will learn what to do and what not to do, and she’ll get really good at it. A completely feminine woman, they have their own challenges. A completely feminine woman can have a hard time setting boundaries, can have a hard time saying no, can have a hard time not completely merging right away… But, masculine women tend to attract feminine men, and this is—this is the work that I have focused on a lot, because I get all these lovely really masculine women who, again and again, attract these, like, sweetie-­‐pie guys? I call men either alpha males or sweetie pie guys. And, sweetie pie guys are really treated poorly, often, in Western civilizations. You know, we’re hard on sweetie-­‐pie guys. But yet, they are the complement to the truly masculine woman. Renee Wade: Absolutely, yeah. Carol Allen: But again, masculine women are still raised to think they need to be with a smarter and, taller guy? So, when they meet a sweetie-­‐pie guy who’s a great companion, who’s nurturing, who’s supportive, who’s patient, who’s loving… That guy might not be a killer out in the world, so, he might not make as much money, he might not be as Copyright © All Rights Reserved 2012 -­‐ 2020 24 productive, and so masculine women even though they fall in love with sweetie pie guys, they often don’t respect them, and… spit them out. Right? So, I get a lot of masculine women that are constantly attracting sweetie pie guys over and over, and, like, dumping them over and over again. Because they keep thinking that they’re supposed to be with someone like themselves. But—they never like men like themselves! Renee Wade: Yeah, yes. Too similar. Carol Allen: Yeah! There isn’t that energetic complement. There isn’t that law of electrodynamics, there isn’t that yin to yang the attraction that occurs— Renee Wade: Yeah. Which is what makes a relationship exciting. Carol Allen: Right. So, I spend a lot of time trying to get masculine women to get over the idea that they have to be with somebody like themselves. Because if they truly are fully masculine? Being with someone like themselves doesn’t make them fully happy, anyway. Renee Wade: Okay. Right. So, why don’t I just quickly ask you one last question, Carol. You’ve said that women need to know that it’s not their fault when a relationship doesn’t work out. So, what other—just quickly—what other factors are at play, keeping a man and a woman apart? I know we’ve gone into this a little bit. But, if you can give us just a couple more? Carol Allen: Sure. Well, you know, we’ve talked about—There’s the issue of, maybe it’s the right guy but the wrong time, or maybe you’re doing everything right but it’s the wrong time. So, that part’s not anyone’s fault. Maybe you have real love for someone, but you have an energetic disconnect between you that will constantly make the relationship difficult, and we’ve talked about that. Maybe everything’s fine, but they’re just not your destiny, you know? So, maybe there’s a lack of intensity, or a lack of coming together about the relationship. Like, every time you turn around, there’s Copyright © All Rights Reserved 2012 -­‐ 2020 25 something that gets in the way. Like, his job, your family, finances, health stuff, one of you gets your dream opportunity across the country, you know. And that’s—again—not necessarily your fault. And then, even the things that, Renee, we could say seem like someone’s fault? Like, even if, say—because I get this a lot, women will call me and go, (mock misery) “Carol! I blew it!” I’ll go, “What did you do?” “I got really emotional, and I got too dramatic, I got too intense…” And I look at their chart, and they have an emotional, dramatic, intense chart. And I’ll say, “Honey, you are emotional and dramatic and intense. And, guess what, with the right guy—” Renee Wade: He likes it? Carol Allen: Well, he might not love it, but, it won’t be enough to scare off the right guy. So, even though I am all for people behaving as well as possible, and learning the best relationships skills, the truth is, even if you learn all the best things to do and say and ways of being and strategies in the world, you still are a real person with real failings and real frailties… and, you have to be loved for all of you. And, if you, quote, unquote, “blow it” and someone runs? You have to trust that that person wasn’t your destiny. You have to trust that there’s a higher gift in the fact that that relationship didn’t work out. And the higher gift is, you really need to be with someone who can handle you, and who can handle you at your worst. Because that’s real love. Renee Wade: Of course, of course. Yeah, it’s nice to know these things, because there’s nothing worse than having a relationship not work out, and then blame yourself on top of that. Carol Allen: Right. Not only do they not love you, you no longer love you. Renee Wade: Yeah, which is disastrous. Carol Allen: All that self-­‐hatred and self-­‐criticism on top of heartbreak… wow. You said a mouthful, Renee. That is hell! Copyright © All Rights Reserved 2012 -­‐ 2020 26 Renee Wade: Yeah. All right, Carol, thank you so much for being with us today. Carol Allen: Oh my gosh. My pleasure. Renee Wade: What can we expect from you in the future? Are you going to write more books, or are you going to do more one-­‐on-­‐one coaching? Carol Allen: You know, that is an excellent question. I have so many ways to support you, I have a catalogue of, like, eleven things—and, actually, in the coming year I’m focusing more on live events and speaking, because I’ve been behind a computer for so long that I miss the whole reason I got into this in the first place, which is the direct connection with people, so I’m going to do more of that. And, more writing. I absolutely love writing. So… so, stay tuned! Renee Wade: Oh, I’m sure. Well, I definitely will be and I’m sure there’re tons of people listening who also will. So, thank you again. And if people want to know you and your work more, where should they start? Carol Allen: Well, uh, honestly? They should start by signing up for my newsletter, and, I’ve given you a link if they want to go to that link and sign up. That way, they can learn all my favorite tools and tips. I have articles, I have write-­‐ups about what’s going with the stars, I have fun celebrity write-­‐ups, I have all my favorite advice about how to make the most of your relationships—And, I’m very—I mean, I’m sure it’s kind of come across today—I’m a little bit on the goofy, snarky side. I’m not like a serious, erudite, overly wise astrologer. (laughs) Even though I’ve tried to pass some wisdom into my stuff for sure, I—you know, it’s not—I try to keep people laughing and smiling while they’re learning the most important thing they can possibly learn, which is how to have the relationships of their dreams. So. Yeah! So, it’s all in the link, Renee, so thank you. Thank you. Renee Wade: Can you repeat that link for us? Copyright © All Rights Reserved 2012 -­‐ 2020 27 Carol Allen: Oh, absolutely! So, if they go to RightManReport.com, they can also get a free book if they go there. So, they can sign up for the free newsletter, they can unsubscribe any time and will never share or rent or sell their information, and the first thing they’ll see when they sign in is a free book called Becoming The Woman Your Dream Man Wants, and it’s all the stuff I wish I had known when I was single, so for the single women it’s going to be especially helpful, and for women in relationships it’s a great reminder of how to have more fun and how to enjoy the process of dating and mating and be your best selves, at the same time. Renee Wade: Oh, that’s wonderful. Thank you so much, again! Carol Allen: It’s also at—same to you!—it’s all at RightManReport.Com, and my amazing compatibility reports are there, and all sorts of fun stuff. My timing reports, and all my fun programs. So… Renee Wade: For those of you listening, Carol has tons of reports, and they’re all really helpful, so go straight there right now. RightManReport.Com! Copyright © All Rights Reserved 2012 -­‐ 2020