Inspirational Reflections on life – by Dr Kiran Martin

Inspirational
Reflections
on life
by Dr Kiran Martin
Step into each month with a new vision for living
Inspirational Reflections on life by
Dr Kiran Martin
Step into each month with a new vision for living
Contents
January
Simplicity as a Way of Life
1
February
On Joy
3
March
Compassion - A Fundamental
Path of Human Love
5
April
On Gratitude
7
May
On Affirmation
9
June
Heroism - A Universal Attribute
of Human Nature
11
July
On Trust
13
August
Positive Emotions and Core Truths
Concerning them
15
September
On Leadership
17
October
On Non-Violence
19
November
On Generosity
21
December
The Power of Touch
23
Appendix:
Practices for cultivating Gratitude
27
The Benefits of practicing Gratitude
28
Developing an Emotional Culture at Work
29
UN International Day of Non-Violence
30
January
Simplicity as a Way of Life
A simple life, it seems to me, is one where we are clear of our purpose and our priorities,
and we can painlessly discard whatever does not support them. It is essential to free
ourselves from the complexities of life, and not fritter it away by too much trivial detail.
There is a great need for us to do all we can to bring some order into the chaos that we
might find ourselves in. When we embrace simplicity, we are constantly thankful that our
basic needs are met, and we then experience the joy of satisfaction. The possession of
many things and of great wealth creates so many complex possible choices and decisions
to be made everyday that it can become a nervous strain.
Voluntarily choosing a life of simplicity means singleness of purpose, sincerity and
honesty within, and avoidance of exterior clutter, of many possessions irrelevant to the
chief purpose of our lives. It means ordering and guiding of our energy and our desires, a
restraint in some directions in order to secure greater abundance of life in other
directions. It involves deliberate organisation of our life for a purpose. The men who tried
to climb Mount Everest concentrated their thoughts and energies on planning their
expedition for several years, and in the actual attempt, discarded every ounce of
equipment not surely needed for that one purpose.
Observance of simplicity is a recognition of the fact that we are all greatly influenced by
our surroundings and their subtle implications. The power of our environment modifies
us. We will therefore be wise to select and create deliberately such an immediate
environment as will influence our character in the direction that we deem most
important, and that will make it easier for us to live in the way we believe wisest.
Simplicity gives us freedom and clearness of vision. The athlete, in order to win the race,
strips off the non essentials of clothing, is careful of what he eats and simplifies his life in
a number of ways.
Great achievements of the mind will also require similar discriminations and disciplines.
Simplicity also provides us with the capacity for friendship, for fellowship, and for
entering imaginatively into the lives of others. Our sensitiveness to other important
human relationships is not clogged or dulled, but rather increases our capacity to
exercise love, and form deeply satisfying and enduring bonds with others.
Here are some ways in which we can cultivate simplicity. We can direct our imagination
towards the new desires, that we would like to replace some of our existing desires with,
by dwelling on them in spare moments, just before going to bed, and just after
awakening. We can read books and articles dealing with them. I find it very enjoyable to
be in the company of others who have ideas and values similar to the ones I wish to
cultivate. This way, I can provide as many stimuli as possible for my line of thought and
conduct. To stay away from a 'Keeping up with the Joneses' attitude, which I believe
leads to complexity of living and exaggerated individualism, is key. The strength to resist
the pressure of group opinion, and the ability to withstand unfavourable comment again
must be cultivated. We will help ourselves towards simplicity by cultivating a strong and
constant feeling of human unity.
Purity and simplicity are the two wings with which man
soars above the earth and all temporary nature.
Thomas à Kempis
2
February
On Joy
The dictionary words for joy are – gladness, cheerfulness, exultation, rapture, pleasure,
delight. However, the word joy has a far deeper meaning. It does not indicate a temporary
feeling of pleasure or happiness, but rather a constant state of well being, and a
continuous journey of flourishing.
Joy can be experienced in so many ways, such as feeling the love and closeness of those
we care for, feeling grateful for our current circumstances, feeling at peace, serene, and
savouring those moments, or being inspired by great leaders. It is an emotion that opens
us wonderfully, and changes the boundaries of our hearts and minds. It makes us more
creative, more resilient, more trusting and more trusted. It helps us to look back on the
past with gladness, look into the future with hope, and enjoy and cherish the present.
Joy must be cultivated practically on a daily basis. How do we do this?
We can engage with our life and work in ways that absorb and inspire us. When we
identify our greatest strengths, we can consciously engage in work and activities that
make us feel most fulfilled, productive, and valuable.
We also flourish when we have a strong network of relationships around us, with family,
friends, co-workers, neighbours, and other people in our lives. When we share our joy
with those we love, we feel even more joy. We depend on the people around us to help us
maintain a balance in our lives. When we are alone, we lose perspective on the world, and
we forget that others may be bearing greater burdens than our own. But when we let other
people into our lives, we remember to give as well as we take. When we belong to a
community, we have a network of support around us, and we are part of it.
We are at our best when the work we do is consistent with our personal values. From dayto-day, if we believe our work is worthwhile, we experience a sense of well-being and
confidence that we are using our time and our abilities in meaningful ways.
A sense of accomplishment is also a very important element of joy. To experience a sense
of flourishing, we must look back on our lives, and feel that we have run the race well.
This is possible only when we set ourselves tangible goals, and work towards them. We
can then anticipate and build hope for the future. Past successes make us feel more
confident and optimistic about future attempts. We will then be motivated to work
harder, and achieve more next time. We may even inspire the people around us to achieve
their own goals.
May you live life to the fullest through the experience of joy.
I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that
life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy.
Rabindranath Tagore
4
March
Compassion - A Fundamental Path
of Human Love
Compassion is the virtue of empathy for the suffering of others. It is the fundamental
path of human love. The English noun compassion meaning 'to suffer with' comes from
the Latin word: cum (with) and passio (suffer). It therefore means to suffer together with
or co-suffering. Empathy is the capacity to recognize scenes that are experienced by
others, but compassion gives rise to a deep desire to alleviate another's suffering. It is a
deep concern for the needs of others. It is a recognition of and identification with the
suffering and misery of others. The sharing is the sharing of the heart.
The idea of compassion is closely linked with forgiveness. True compassion should
extend to all, even to the extent of loving one's opponents. The central concepts of nonviolence and active peacemaking are also closely linked with compassion.
The meaning of compassion is to recognize the suffering of others, and then take action
to help. Fredrick Buechner describes the meaning of compassion in these words,
“compassion is the capacity for feeling what it is like to live inside somebody else's skin.”
Compassion also means sharing the interiority of others in a deep and total way.
Compassion is also a virtue that uproots the wish to harm others. It makes people so
sensitive to the sufferings of others and calls of them to make these sufferings so much
their own that they do not want to further increase them. Compassion is not the same as
self-pity or pity for others. It is really feeling one’s own pain and recognizing the pain of
others. Compassion flows both from sensitivity to our own hopes and fears and the ability
to place ourselves in the shoes of others. It is a pre-requisite for a just and harmonious
society and an essential attitude for progress along the path towards wisdom.
Compassion towards self and compassion towards others are inseparable. Before one
can have compassion for others, it is necessary to have compassion for one's own self.
A compassionate mind is purified of the taint of ill-will. Compassion has the power to
weaken the defilement of lust and ill-will and bring the mind to a state of peace.
Compassion can become our nature as we continue to cultivate it. We move from a desire
of self promotion and self achievement towards the strength of compassion which is an
outward moving energy.
We need to build communities that foster active, liberative compassion which seeks to
relieve the suffering of others, establish greater justice, and dignity and equality of
human beings. It is a powerful and peace giving discipline of the mind and an important
part of our spiritual path.
Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries.
Without them humanity cannot survive.
Dalai Lama
6
April
On Gratitude
These days I have been reflecting on the power of gratitude. What is gratitude? Gratitude
is more than a feeling of thankfulness in response to receiving a tangible gift or a gesture
of kindness. Gratitude is a way of life, a fundamental orientation. It is a conscious choice
to focus on life's blessings rather than on its shortcomings. We recognize sources of
goodness as outside of ourselves, coming from others. There is a distinction between a
short term feeling, and saying that someone is a grateful person, someone who habitually
looks at life with gratitude glasses, with a gratitude focus.
However, gratitude is the fruit of great cultivation. We may not be born with a taste for
good music, but it can be acquired. Great art often needs to be researched and studied
before a person may fully appreciate it. Similarly, when we cultivate a grateful attitude,
we learn to live in a state of grace. Every event in life, both good and bad, becomes an
opportunity to learn, to grow, and to expand our capacity to love. How then can we
cultivate gratitude? We focus our attention on grateful thinking. We count our blessings
every day, keep a gratitude journal, write a gratitude letter to someone who has meant a
lot to us. Children can wear gratitude bracelets as they are not abstract thinkers. We can
become grateful to our families, our work places, and our institutions.
What are the beneficial effects of the practise of gratitude? Gratitude allows us to
celebrate the present, it is a magnification of the present emotion. It magnifies
goodness, and therefore blocks toxic emotions such as envy, resentment or depression
that destroy our optimal well being. We cannot be envious and grateful at the same time.
The higher the gratitude coefficient, the lower the negative emotions. Grateful people are
more alert, more energetic, more enthused, more attentive. They are more stress resilient
because of the way they interpret life's events. Gratitude also strengthens our social ties
and self worth because it means that others are looking out for our well being. We feel
supported and affirmed by them and we then become more altruistic, more outgoing,
more sensitive, more helpful and less lonely and isolated.
When we live in gratitude, compassion becomes the foremost emotion when dealing
with others. Gratitude and selfless service go hand in hand. Gratitude has the power to
heal, to energize, to change lives. The practice of gratitude also enhances healthy
behavior and healthy sleep, and it reduces blood pressure. Research demonstrates that
even school children get better grades when they practice gratitude all through the
school year.
One of the best ways to practise gratitude is to keep a gratitude journal. You can write five
things you are grateful for every day, and then notice the effects on your health and
happiness levels over time. In fact, you can decide to do this as a family, and keep
gratitude lists together. You can also write a gratitude letter to someone who means a lot
to you. Kids can be encouraged to write gratitude letters to their teachers or mentors. I
think it is very powerful when you go to the person and read out the letter you have
written. When you do this, it establishes a meaningful social connection, and that leads to
an experience of joy. With kids, you can encourage them to tell you three things they are
grateful for every night before they go to bed. Throughout the day, they will keep
thinking of the things they are going to talk about.
Gratitude is not always easy. There are many obstacles to a grateful way of thinking, such
as pervasive negativity, complaint, dissatisfaction, a sense of entitlement, focus on
deprivation and suffering.
Let us accept all of life as a gift and have a deep abiding sense of thankfulness for it.
As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that
the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live
by them.
John F. Kennedy
Read more about gratitude on pages 27 & 28
8
May
On Affirmation
Affirmation is quite closely linked to the value of gratitude. According to the Oxford
Dictionary, 'to affirm' means: to state or assert positively, to maintain as true. It also
stands for giving a person a heightened sense of value through the experience of
something emotionally or spiritually uplifting.
It is a standard practice at all Asha meetings to affirm and appreciate one another in a
safe and loving environment. Everyone present is affirmed, demonstrating the love,
appreciation, and respect all team members have for each other. However, our
declaration of something in a person that is true requires a genuine knowing of the
other. This happens when we take time to build relationships with one another, pay
attention to each other's strengths, recognize and appreciate the gifts of others, and
genuinely express that recognition to one another. We can then speak the truth with
conviction and knowledge, to what we know about the other. Our affirmation can be
authentic, and completely devoid of flattery and manipulation.
Everyday, I see the amazing effects of affirmations on my team as well as on hundreds of
slum college students, children, and others in the communities. I have seen these
affirmations bring to life their capabilities, strengths, talents, and skills. Their effects
penetrate so deeply that the person's entire attitude, behaviour, and actions are affected.
They change the way people experience events, and they completely alter the emotional
climate of relationships. The word 'encourage' means 'to inspire courage.' Words of
encouragement and affirmation lead to courage, and a sense of security. This brings
about a vibrant expression of latent potential within us, and causes us to flourish in all
the dimensions of our lives. There is no room for judgmental or guilt inducing,
condemning or critical words that lead to a feeling of rejection. There is no room for
loudness or harshness. The tone and manner in which we speak is exceedingly
important.
People are deeply influenced by those who affirm them, and listen to them. Being
affirmed does wonders for the other person's sense of hearing. In addition, behaviours
that are rewarded and celebrated, are more likely to be repeated. Affirmation in the
presence of others is also key. This means that we are giving public honour and respect
for a person's gifts, abilities, and qualities.
It is important that we affirm people on a consistent basis. Studies have found that
consistent affirmation results in the muscles becoming stronger, and more active. On the
other hand, the muscles tend to become weak and we feel a sense of fatigue in a negative
environment.
Let us embrace affirmation as a value to be practiced everyday, and let us remember that
our affirmations can have a profound impact on the lives of others. The way others
experience life's events, and relationships around them, can change forever.
Words are singularly the most powerful force available to
humanity. We can choose to use this force constructively
with words of encouragement, or destructively using
words of despair. Words have energy and power with the
ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to
humiliate and to humble.
Yehuda Berg
10
June
Heroism - A Universal Attribute
of Human Nature
We often think of heroes as those who might have performed a one-time act of bravery. I
would like to distinguish this from lifelong heroism that can become a way of life.
What wonderful examples of true heroism are our Asha students! In the midst of the
filth, the squalor, and the noise of the slum, with no one in the family to mentor them,
they have confronted their challenges head on. They have fought bravely for success,
unflinching in their determination, and with belief in their abilities. They have displayed
the kind of courage that almost defies imagination in the face of such daunting
circumstances. Many have encountered failure on the way, but have not given up.
Imagine doing that with so much tenacity, so much fortitude, and with such a bright
spirit.
It is no wonder that these students are reaching such great heights, from rummaging in
garbage to white collar jobs in some of the world's best known institutions. What's more,
as Asha Ambassadors, these students are determined to share their wisdom with
hundreds of younger students in their communities. They have opened up their tiny
slum homes to coach, to mentor, to guide and to help in every possible manner.
I see them all the time, casting off the few personal comforts they have, for the welfare of
others. I see them showing compassion and kindness, specially to the younger students
who are in distress. Once they take up responsibilities, they dedicate themselves
wholeheartedly and with utmost sincerity. In spite of living in such deep poverty, often
not having enough to buy a bus fare, they are people of integrity and strong moral
principles.
I pay tribute to our true heroes. I also pay tribute to my team that is filled with true heroesvisionaries, strong leaders, people of courage and bravery, sacrifice and determination.
I'd like to end by saying that the decision to act heroically is a choice. Heroism is a
universal attribute of human nature. It is not a feature of a few heroic elect, but is
something that is in the range of possibilities for every person.
Perhaps we can all be inspired to answer the call of heroism.
I'm saying to be a hero is means you step across the line
and are willing to make a sacrifice, so heroes always are
making a sacrifice. Heroes always take a risk. Heroes
are always deviant. Heroes are always doing something
that most people don't, and we want to change - I want to
democratise heroism to say any of us can be a hero.
Philip Zimbardo
12
July
On Trust
The word 'trust' has come alive to me in new and amazing ways in the recent times. The
Cambridge English Dictionary says ‘to trust’ means ‘ to believe that someone is good
and honest, safe and reliable, and will never harm you.’
Trust has been fostered beautifully between my team and children from the slums as the
children understand that there is enough room for them to deposit all their worries and
their hurts. They know that love and loyalty are given freely and consistently, under all
conditions, and without reservation, the only desire being to strive for their well being.
Affirmation is one of the most important ways of fostering trust in others. This requires
recognising their gifts and appreciating them in a safe and loving environment. There is
no room for judgemental or guilt inducing, condemning, critical words that lead to
feelings of rejection. When I validate a child, I am saying, “I hear you. I see you. I think
of you. I acknowledge your accomplishments. I appreciate your efforts.” Generous
validation fosters tremendous trust and security, and has a profound effect on the lives of
children, bringing about a vibrant expression of latent potential within them.
Offering leadership on the vision and values of Asha by example, and communicating
them effectively all through the ranks, is a wonderful way of building trust.
As a result of the fostering of trust, the children are so open and enthusiastic. They are
discovering who they are, and growing up to be responsible and caring. They are
learning what it feels like to be understood by another person, and therefore learning
respect and empathy for others.
Scientists have labelled the hormone Oxytocin as the Trust Hormone. Higher levels of
Oxytocin are released in response to kindness, warmth, connection, communication,
hugs, eye contact, laughter; and the more Oxytocin, the deeper the levels of trust.
Let us all embrace and foster trust in all our relationships, and remember that the way
we experience life’s events can change forever.
When the trust account is high, communication is easy,
instant, and effective.
Stephen R. Covey
14
3
August
Positive Emotions and Core Truths
Concerning Them
There is a whole range of positive emotions. Of course there is the category of 'jump for
joy' positive emotions, but often those are the obvious ones that come to mind. Other
positive emotions could be described as feeling grateful for our current circumstances,
feeling completely in tune with our environment, at peace, serene, tranquil, and savoring
that. Or sharing laughter with a loved one, a friend, and the lightness of that moment. Or
being inspired by great leaders, feeling the love and closeness of people we care for.
All these positive emotions share in their core, two common truths. The first one is that
they open us. They literally change the boundaries of our hearts and our minds, and
change our outlook on our environments. They increase the expanse of our peripheral
vision. Our world quite literally expands, and we can see more. The openness of our
hearts and minds obey the warmth of positivity. It changes our ability to see our common
humanity with others.
Because we see more, we see more possibilities, we come up with more ideas about
what we might do next. We become more creative. We are more likely to be more
resilient, and are able to bounce back quicker from adversity. Studies have
demonstrated that children do better on a maths test if they think of a positive memory
before the they take the test, so there is better academic performance. Research has
also shown that physicians make better medical decisions, as they are better at
integrating the complex information of an unsolved case.
Positive emotions also allow us to look past racial and cultural differences, to recognize
the uniqueness of individuals, and to see towards oneness. People are more trusting,
people come to better win-win solutions and negotiations. At a very fundamental level,
we are able to see larger systems, larger forms of interconnection that can make a huge
difference when we are trying to address some really entangled problems that we face.
The second core truth about positive emotions is that they transform us for the better.
They bring out the best in us. Everyday, new cells are being born within us. Scientists tell
us that on all body systems, we replace 1% of our body cells each day, which means we
will on average replace 30% by next month, 100% by the next season. The latest science
suggests that the pace of cell renewal does not just follow some predetermined DNA
script, but that our emotions affect the level of cellular change. This is an idea that is
completely consistent with the broader lesson that positive emotions change who we are.
Therefore, if we increase our daily diet of positive emotions, we change who we are, we
change our ways of being in the world. However, changing our traits to develop positive
emotions is not easy. It is akin to a lifestyle change, and requires continual reinforcement
and effort. It takes as much will power as does lowering our cholesterol or losing weight.
All human beings can either languish, barely holding onto life, or flourish, becoming ripe
with beauty and possibility, and remarkably resilient to hardtimes. The degree to which
we experience positive emotions in our lives will predict whether we are languishing or
flourishing. We can let positive emotions light our way to the path of flourishing.
In order to carry a positive action we must develop a
positive vision.
Dalai Lama
16
September
On Leadership
I am realising that the older I get, the less I know about visionary leadership. Therefore,
the older I get, the more I must listen and learn. The dimensions of my task are huge and
multifaceted, full of complexity and contradiction. But then being in turmoil seems to be
a part of visionary leadership. There is no smooth and easy terrain to walk on.
I am learning that talent and skill are important, but more important than that is
authenticity, solidity, character and personal substance; the way we love, and how we
serve.
I have a remarkable team, the members of which are marked out by their compassion,
resolution and courage. I realise more than ever that I must be attentive to their nature
and gifting. I must understand their needs, individual aspirations, weaknesses,
vulnerabilities and motivations. Their values and perceptions will be shaped by the true
intention behind my words, by the soundness of my heart and the accurate centering of
my soul, and not through management techniques. They are precious people, and I long
to see them grow in all the best dimensions of their lives.
My belief and my experience is that leaders are in great need of friends and mentors,
people who will be able to show us how to cope with the many complex realities we face.
Someone has said that one good and able mentor is worth more than a hundred
consultants and a thousand motivational seminars.
I am particularly vulnerable because of the turmoil of my own upbringing. I often
experience loneliness and fear right in the middle of such a vibrant and meaningful
mission. I need friends and mentors who will renew me and be with me in times of
pressure, change, shifting alliances and intensive tasks.
I have also learnt that disappointment and betrayal are part of the leadership reality, and
I must embrace this with all the attending pain. So is resolved and unresolved conflict.
But I must still go on doing what I know I must do.
Also, moving forward does not necessarily mean moving fast, as most leaders feel
compelled to do. Often the way forward is to stand still. Effective progress is not always
related to rapid pace.
Most importantly, my times of retreat and reflection renew and refresh me, and help me
to gain strength, wisdom, and boundless energy for the tasks ahead of me.
A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and
shows the way.
John C. Maxwell
Read more about leadership on page 29
18
October
On Non-Violence
Non-violence essentially means abstention from all forms of violence. This includes not
just physical violence, but also verbal violence and violence of thought. There is a
complete rejection of aggression and confrontation, of thought, of words and of
actions. It is based on the conviction that forgiveness can change even an enemy into a
friend. Martin Luther King said, “Non-violence means avoiding not only external,
physical violence, but also internal violence of the spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a
man, but you refuse to hate him.” Non-violence therefore goes deeper than withholding
from violent behaviour or words. It means caring in one's heart for everyone, even those
who are violent, or those with whom one strongly disagrees.
In the many encounters that I have had over the years with a wide variety of difficult
individuals and networks, some of whom have been hostile, ruthless, or even violent, I
have come to understand that evil is not final. It is not unchangeable, or irreversible.
Active peacemaking breaks the cycle of violence and counter-violence. It leaves open the
possibility of conversion. It is unlikely to alienate our opponents.
Non-violence and peacemaking believe in the inherent worth of dialogue with
opponents, in order to understand their motivations. In order to be heard by one's
opponents, one must also be prepared to listen. It also signifies respect for all human
beings.
The technique of separating the deeds from the doers allows the possibility of the doers
changing their behaviour, and perhaps their beliefs. When the goal is not to defeat the
enemy, but to win them over, love and understanding can be created between all. Actively
fostering goodwill can help us arrive at the outcome of persuasion and reconciliation.
There is no room for coercion, humiliation or provocation. Also, the better the opponent
understands our position and our conduct, the less likely he is to resort to violence.
The greatest personal challenge posed is to practice non-violence. This requires us to
practice love and compassion at every opportunity.
Let us have truthful and tender encounters with all, and remember that non-violence
does not demonstrate weakness, but rather demonstrates courage, dignity, and strength.
Non-violence is the greatest force at the disposal of
mankind. It is mightier than the mightiest weapon of
destruction devised by the ingenuity of man.
Mahatma Gandhi
Read more about Non-Violence on page 30
20
November
On Generosity
As I am thankful for the many gifts that I have had the joy of receiving, I feel compelled to
reflect on the true meaning of generosity.
Generosity is the act of giving freely because you desire to, not with the idea of receiving
a reward or gift in return. It is a quality that is motivated by love. It cannot be forced by
requiring people to give. Generosity means to open space, to share pleasure. We make a
pact with another individual's pleasure or happiness. Generosity is the exact opposite of
the word 'envy.' It means to be happy for others. We extend ourselves to celebrate the
happiness of others. It is the antidote to the self-chosen poison called greed. It is a deeply
admirable personal quality capable of being exercised by persons who have learned
virtue and noble character.
Generosity gives rise to a feeling of freedom. It is a liberation from the fantasy that we can
control the world around us. It is an essential and humble sentiment of no longer being
limited to the sphere of the ego.
Generosity enriches life, and makes us feel content with one's share in life.
Generosity is also completely devoid of prejudice.
What exactly generosity gives can be various things: money, possessions, time, attention,
aid, encouragement, emotional availability, and more. Generosity always intends to
enhance the well-being of others. It involves not simply giving in abundance, but rather
giving those things that are good for others.
Scientific research demonstrates that acts of generosity result in increased levels of
secretion of the hormone oxytocin in our bodies, and this results in a tremendous feeling
of happiness and well-being. Therefore, when we practice generosity for the good of
others, in doing so, we achieve our own true, long term good as well. Generosity is truly in
people's genuine enlightened self-interest to learn and to practice. It spreads great
warmth, and attracts others towards ourselves.
Let us consider it an honour to begin each day with our hands and our hearts open, being
grateful for what we have as well as what we do not have.
Gentleness, self-sacrifice and generosity are the exclusive
possession of no one race or religion.
Mahatma Gandhi
22
December
The Power of Touch
Did you know of the remarkable scientific benefits of touch? Did you know that the skin
is the largest organ of our body, and enables touch to become a powerful method of
communication? Scientists have discovered specific neurons in the skin that process
information about touch.
Touch conveys a whole range of emotions. The immune response is triggered in the skin
through touch, which is why we live longer. When we touch someone, we activate certain
parts of our brain that provide feelings of reward, of compassion. Touch builds up
cooperative relationships. It also signals safety and trust. Touch soothes. It calms
cardiovascular stress through reduction in the levels of the stress hormone cortisol.
Touch spreads a tremendous amount of goodwill, and is highly contagious.
The hormone oxytocin is released in response to touch, and this in turn produces care
giving behaviour and generosity. It also promotes monogamy. We read emotion better,
and discard cynical views of human nature. We respond with stronger compassion.
Touch is an unbelievable mechanism of social well-being. Regular physical contact with
premature babies helps them get a huge boost in weight gain. Lots of touch results in
better sleep, reduced irritability, and increased sociability among infants. Touching
patients with Alzheimer's leads to a precipitous drop in their symptoms, and to a
remarkable reduction in depression.
Let us go a step further. Did you know that hugging is healthy for the body and for the
soul? How often do we hug our children, our family members, our friends? Hugging
boosts self esteem and brings about a sense of security in a way no word can. A warm hug
can touch our soul. Hugging strengthens our bonds with our children. We can never hug
our children too much. They feel a sense of acceptance, their self esteem is boosted, they
become more confident, and it brings them great happiness. To connect is more
important than to correct.
There are times, whether during intense grief or anger, or in ecstatic moments of joy or
love, when only the language of touch can fully express what we feel. Let us reach out to
our family and friends with the gift of this wonderful language. May we cherish the joys
of this language forever.
We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day
for maintenance. We need need 12 hugs a day for
growth.
Virginia Satir
24
Appendix
Gratitude
Practices for cultivating Gratitude
The practices for cultivating gratitude make gratitude a habit, and we can then begin to
change the emotional tone of our lives, creating more space for joy and connection with
others. There are a number of exercises that help us cultivate gratitude.
1. Count Your Blessings: Some days it feels like everything is going wrong. But often,
even on bad days, good things happen too. We are just less likely to notice them. This is
where the '3 good things' practice comes in. This practice involves spending 5 to 10
minutes at the end of each day writing in detail about three things that went well that day,
large or small, and also describing why you think they happened. This simple practice is
effective because it not only helps you remember and appreciate good things that
happened in the past, but it can also help you to notice and savour positive events as they
happen in the moment. You begin to see a broad ecosystem of goodness around you.
2. Mental Subtraction: In the words of Joni Mitchell, 'You don't know what you've got
till its gone'. The Mental Subtraction of Positive Events practice involves considering the
many ways in which important, positive events in your life, such as a job opportunity, or
educational achievement, could have never taken place, and then reflecting on what your
life would have been without them. Mental subtraction can counteract the tendency to
take positive events for granted and see them as inevitable. It helps you recognise how
fortunate you are that things transpired as they did.
3. Savour: Have you ever noticed that the first bite of cake is usually the best? We have a
tendency to adapt to pleasurable things, and appreciate them less and less over time. We
can interrupt this process by temporarily giving up pleasurable activities, and then
coming back to them later, this time with greater anticipation and excitement. We often
assume that more is better and that the greatest enjoyment comes from abundance and
indulgence, but research suggests that some degree of scarcity and restraint is more
conducive to happiness.
4. Say ‘thank you’: Gratitude is especially powerful when it is expressed to others. Small
gestures of appreciation, such as thank you notes can make a difference, but there are
some things that deserve more than a fleeting thanks. Writing a thoughtful, detailed
gratitude letter is a great way to increase your own feelings of gratitude and happiness,
while also making the other person feel appreciated and valued. It will also deepen your
relationship with them.
Finally, it is important to remember that these activities need to be practised regularly in
order for our happiness levels to go up permanently, and for us to enjoy the wonderful
benefits of gratitude all through our lives.
The Benefits of practicing Gratitude
1. It makes us much happier. A Benedictine monk, David Steindl-Rast has said, “It is not
joy that makes us grateful, it is gratitude that makes us joyful.” When we become good at
being grateful, we see and experience more of the good in life, no matter what our
circumstances are.
2. It keeps us much healthier. Practising gratitude is associated with better sleep, less
depression, and less stress. It reduces headaches, sore muscles, stomach pain, nausea,
coughing, and sore throats. Those who practise gratitude report less illness, and
generally feel healthier.
3. It reduces negative emotions. Feelings like anger, bitterness, and resentment are
incompatible with gratitude. The more gratitude we cultivate, the less negativity we feel.
4. We cope better. Learning to see the good in our lives even when hard times come is a
powerful coping strategy.
5. It increases our self worth. Practising gratitude helps us get out of the 'poor me'
mindset, and into the habit of looking for the good. It helps to reduce negative
comparisons with other people, and pay more attention to what we have versus what we
don't.
6. It increases life's meaning. When we can see all the beautiful pieces of our lives, it's a
lot easier to see the greater whole. Cultivating a sense of gratitude helps life feel more
meaningful. The more gratitude we express, the more life's meaning will increase.
7. It helps us enjoy our work more. People who practice gratitude can find the good in
anything. This helps work feel more meaningful and enjoyable. It can help us find our
life's purpose.
8. It improves our relationships. When we recognise and express gratitude to and for
others, it helps us to feel more connected to them, and experience better relationships.
We then feel less lonely and depressed, and more pleasant to be around.
9. It improves our parenting skills. When we are able to cope better, feel better, and find
more joy and meaning in life, we will be better parents. We will recognise the good in our
children, express it to them, and that will improve their self worth, health, and
happiness.
28
Leadership
Developing an Emotional Culture at Work
I think the more we foster feelings of affection, compassion, caring, and tenderness
among our co-workers, the stronger our bonds are, and the higher our feelings of
satisfaction are. This is called Companionate Love.
Let us all collaborate with each other side by side, express care and affection towards one
another, and safeguard each others' feelings. Let us show tenderness and compassion
towards each other when things don't go well, and support each other in work and nonwork matters.
Let us feel free to express ourselves, to share our struggles, and perhaps use the power of
touch to communicate feelings of warmth and love. Let us use every opportunity to
celebrate each others' lives, be it birthdays, anniversaries, or anything else.
A strong culture of ‘Companionate Love’ will keep us in a healthy frame of mind, looking
forward to work, and enjoying beautiful bonds with our co-workers.
We often discuss intellectual concepts such as fostering innovation, creativity, or
transparency in a work environment. Those are important, but equally important is to
encourage a positive emotional culture, and we will find ourselves experiences
unimaginable support, strength, freedom, and a sense of safety and security in our daily
lives.
Non-Violence
UN International Day of Non-Violence
The UN International Day of Non-Violence is on October 2nd, to coincide with
Mahatma Gandhi's birthday. Gandhi was born on October 2nd, 1869. Non-Violence is
one of Asha's key values, and I have been thinking a lot about it these days. As a part of
my work, I have witnessed violence in many shapes and forms, from physical violence, to
the violent effects of power structures oppressing and harassing the poor, and systems,
large and small, that incorporate prejudice and exploitation. I began to put to test the
philosophy of non-violence from Asha's very early beginnings, as I dealt with the
oppressive and unjust systems on a daily basis.
The Asha communities have received great enlightenment and joy through the practice
of non-violence that has become a moral imperative, and a way of life. It is a weapon
available to all of us, and is a wonderful technique for resolving conflicts and achieving
desired ends. The goal of non-violence is not to defeat the opponents, but to win them
over. This then does not alienate our opponents, and in fact, leaves open the possibility of
conversion.
In my experience, we invite violence from opponents if they are humiliated or provoked.
We are here to fight the antagonism, not the antagonist. Therefore personal sincerity in
our interactions that foster trust, can break the cycle of violence and counter-violence.
There can be the great temptation to self-righteousness and an unwillingness to see the
other's point of view. Efforts to try and understand the opponents' motivations, and the
lens with which they view the world can affirm their worth as well as their capacity for
growth. This can also challenge them to examine their values and beliefs. This way, the
oppressed and the oppressor are both liberated. A strong sense of the inherent dignity
and worth of each individual brings us closer to an understanding of our shared
humanity.
Non-violence rejects passivity and submission, and is not an attempt to ignore or avoid
conflict or oppression. In fact, it requires a great deal of courage and strength.
Gandhian non-violence, termed 'Satyagraha', aims to attain the truth through love and
right action. It demands the elimination of violence from the self, as well as from the
social, political, and economic environment. The end result hoped for is a peaceful and
just society.
In closing, for those who might be pessimistic about the ability of non-violence to
resolve conflicts, I ask, Have you tried? I have, hundreds in the Asha communities have,
and it works beautifully.
30
Notes
Dr Kiran Martin is the founder and director of Asha. She has
devoted her entire working life to improving the lives of slum
dwellers, and is today recognised internationally as a visionary
leader in urban health and justice. Trained as a doctor from
Maulana Azad Medical College in Delhi and specialised in
paediatrics from Lady Hardinge Medical College, she began by
working single-handedly at a borrowed table in a slum in the
south of the city. Today she leads and inspires an organisation
that has transformed the lives of countless slum dwellers in
Delhi. In 2002, Dr Kiran was awarded the Padmashri, India's fourth highest civilian
award, for dedicating her life to community service. Her insight, empathy and
determination have brought supporters and volunteers from all parts of the world, who
in turn have taken her vision of hope and transformation back into their communities.
Asha Community Health and Development Society
Ekta Vihar, R K Puram Sector 6, New Delhi 110022, India.
Tel. +91-11-26196857 / 26170618 | Fax. +91-11-26179844 | Email: [email protected]
Website: www.asha-india.org
Kiran Martin
DrKiranAsha
drkiranmartin.wordpress.com