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H A NA
BY:
C H R I S T O P H E R
TA K A K U R A
EVERYTHING IS
SAFER
NOW
LOVE
you Grandmother.
© 2010 Christopher Takakura
Distributed by: Dream Infinity Studios
Los Angeles, California
Written by:
Christopher Takakura
Edited by:
Emily Wattson & Stephanie Woodard
Copyright license by: Creative Commons
Creative Commons Attribution-NoncommercialNo Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
H A NA
BY:
おばあちゃん、愛してるよ。
TA K A K U R A
Hana: (noun); A Japanese word
for “flower”.
I watched you slumber in your death bed, as
I waited for the sun to come up. There was
nothing that I cared about more, than for you to be okay.
My naivity destroyed my heart to the point
I forgot who I was. I felt like atrocities were done
under my belief. The belief in which I felt like you were
going to continue breathing the air that I shared with you.
Why did it seem like no one else cared as much as I did?
Was it just my ignorant thinking or was it reality?
Why did it feel like I suffered more than
anyone else? Was it just a mirage of thoughts or
was it actuality? I still remember how your hands
felt against mine. I still remember everything you wished
for me to be...
I’VE DONE ALL I CAN DO
THE
SMELL
OF
SUNSHINE
I remember sometimes.
W
S
の
紙
D
E
W
O
F
O
E
L
B
L
A
白
E
C
A
D
P
A
S H
S
I
Y
T
I
T
T
P
H
D
E
G
M
L
U
E
L
O
A
N
H
C
IT
E
F
L I
界
世
P
U
E
R
L
A L F
I T U F
L
B
亡くした
IN THE BLUR OF SERENITY
THOUGHT I LOST EVERYTHING
THEN I LOST A WHOLE LOT MORE
I’VE DONE ALL I CAN DO
COULD I PLEASE COME WITH YOU?
SWEET SMELL OF SUNSHINE
I REMEMBER SOMETIMES
一緒にきてもいい？
T H E R E
I S
T H E R E
N O
P L A C E
I S
N O
I
C A N
G O
P L A C E
I
C A N
H
I
D
E
LOSS
HOPE
心
心が壊れた............... ........................................ .................
There’s a place between us,
that turned me into a sinner.
I have loved and served,
but it’s all gone.
BREAK
ING
throug h my insides
while I sit and shiver
,
ID
ID
N’
T
DE
AL
W
IT
死んだ.
僕の脳が
H
IT
,I
JU
ST
PU
SH
ED
IT
AL
L
BE
HI
ND
.
Her heart is dying
and the soul is lost
Her body breathing
But don’t remember my name
The words are flowing
set me free for tonight
I’ve lost my mother
God please just try
Memoir I
I don’t want to hurt you anymore
I read your letters
Fight the wounds
No disease
Everything
No more
This is a battle
That fades to black
Never wanted
for you to die
Can you take me
When I walk to the light
Won’t shed tears no more
Love defined
Let go
Do you believe in me?
Do you just see my face?
Do you believe my fate?
Now that I’m alone
Please forgive me
Nothing is right
Just let me die
Give me my rest
I’ve done my best
But lost my pride
Holding my breathe
Leave me aside
and hope will rise
Nothing to love
All open truth
I say goodbye
Don’t go
Don’t want to hurt you anymore
I read your letters
Fight the wounds
No disease
Everything
No more
I read your letters
Fight the wounds
No disease
Everything
No more
You wrote on a piece of paper, of your suffering and
despair. Your failing health was taking over you, your mind,
and your soul. There was nothing that you can do to make
the pain go away, but pray and find comfort on your own.
You took that piece of paper, and hid it behind something,
where no one will look behind. You never told me of this,
because you did not want to worry me. Although you
were scared for your life, you did not wish to voice it out.
I only wish I saw your letter sooner, or else I wouldn’t have
been naive to think that everything was going to be okay.
I was selfish, ignorant, and a fool to let you suffer alone. I am
so sorry grandmother, and only if I can turn back time, every
guilt in my soul would be redeemed. The guilt is still inside,
and a little bit comes bleeding through.
I AM SORRY ごめんね
So
Ev tired
ery
o
thi f los
ng
ing
Ih
ad
tha
t
jus
tk
ept
me
safe
I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY
APOLOGIZE
IF I KEEP APOLOGIZING, WILL GOD GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE?
I AM SORRY
GOD
HELP ME
I’V
E
CO
M
E
UN
DO
NE
A W A Y
えて行
FALLING
I CAN FEEL YOU
NO LONGER THE LOST
NO LONGER THE SAME
I CAN SEE YOU STARTING TO BREAK
I’LL KEEP YOU ALIVE
IF YOU SHOW ME THE WAY
FOREVER
AND EVER
THE SCARS WILL REMAIN
GIVE ME A SIGN
JUST GIVE ME A SIGN...
LIFE
DEATH
THE
ALL
T
E
UG
O YO WORLD?
D
Y
WH IN THE
LOVE
I met a girl at a time when the night froze my fingers.
I remember us talking throughout the night until the next
morning. She turned me on. She made me real.
My life seemed like it’s taken a turn. We fucked in the fire
and spreaded all the ashes around. All the jagged edges
disappeared. Everything I ever was, stayed inside of her.
I just stared into the sun, and saw everything I’ve done.
I think I could’ve been someone. Everything is said and
done, there is no place left to run. I think I used to be
someone, but now I just stare into the sun. The diamonds
inside our paper flower turned into a shrapnel that flew into
my heart. There were times, plenty of times, I wish I could
let go. I cannot go through that again.
S
I
U
O
L
T
N
I
SA
あ
な
た
、
は
町か？
た
れです
ま
生い
が寒
TRUST
LIES
e
is d y
b s
i
d
e
en
av ver
e
h e ?
in a n ng e
e
b me ro m
to eca e w in ti ter s
d
at ne
se t b n d
U tha I do aile st m shi ar s
t e It f ju sun te d
e in
Bu av
is a
th ot e th ss m
th
f
n
ss
a
e
h
e o y is hom opel
ne ht
n
k
W
a
r
o
N e d g ing H
da g sig ned
o
h
t
o
t
n
i
T r
sin d h
B
lo aban s r ig ng,
g
n I’m en wa opi in
e I
e e
h
i
as d m r fac e
eb
v
p
w
a
I icke you sid
p
Ih
y
le
f
i
hi u k ge o e b
W yo a sid
l
Im
S
Yo
u
’re
all
Ie
ve
r
ne
ed
.
使
E
us
e
he
yo
天
R
’
Y
U
M
T
’
YO
IN
SA
ca
W
yo
u
,
de .
si
in llow t,
n
ho sigh w?
ur
l b is
o
e my oll
til
Is rm e of
t
os
fo
t ill l ck
a
ar
Iw eb
m
co
ill
he
w
ur
n
Ic
If
ju
st
u
d
it
ft
緒
le
w
u
w
no
yo
be
ill
ill
st
W
ju
ve
n
lo
ca
y
ju
st
ith
sta
e ght
i
ov
ll
e l on fa
on all t t me
y?
en
yo
M
sp
If
st
d
ju
ha
to
y
一
e
nl
os
Io
ho
One moment you gave me a reason to wake up. But that
turned into a reason why I could not sleep anymore.
You violated everything you said you wouldn’t do.
You completed my discouragement. Should I say thank
you? Are you my destiny in which turns me into a stronger
person? Or did you just cross my life to turn it into a
perpetual nightmare? Everyday I stared into your eyes,
I see the softness that hides behind those empty lies. I’d like
to take you far away, to some peaceful place we could stay.
But I know if I’d open up to you, you’d go away fast
as the wind. My heart is an open book, all you
have to do is read it. A fish caught by a hook, you catch
it first, then bleed it. My hearts a fish.
冬
Laura’s Song
WINTER
This
just falls again as the cold runs through your veins
Your silver ring you wore will never glow again
The photo of you inside, will I forget your name?
It’s simple, to you I was merely just a game...
YO
UR
AS
W
LD
CO
AS
IC
VO
E
雪
E O
T
TH O
PH
OF YOU
INSIDE
WILL I FORGET YOUR NAME?
This winter just falls again as cold runs through your veins
Your silver ring you wore will never glow again
The photo of you inside, will I forget your name?
It’s simple, to you I was merely just a game
Now I shiver alone
Without your answer, I’m frozen
Here I dedicate
this song that I remember
in my heart
Memoir II
Your thoughtless heart will never make its own amends
The tainted dreams of you seems like it never ends
Will I know? If thoughts of you will keep me under pain
I wonder if you would ever walk under my rain?
Now I shiver alone
Here I dedicate
in my heart
Now I shiver alone
Here I dedicate
in my heart
My heart is frozen
The sky is not the same, shade of blue. Every single thing,
I believe isn’t true. Missing in the maze of monochrome.
How did I get here? How can I go home? The echoes in my
eyes, of all that I used to see. Burning down the world, the
ashes and debris. And all that’s left of me, non-entity. I did not
know how to love, yet craved for someone to love me. I felt
alone in the world. I searched for any possible ways out of this
living hell. I stared into the sun, but got blinded by the light.
Now I am afraid I am fading out of sight. I hurt you and
everything we stood for. I toyed with your heart, drained you
of your dignity. My mind has been violated by an unknown
force. I dreamt of her one night. She could fly, and chased me
down a dark alley. I did all I can to run away. Today, when I
have those dreams, I stand my ground to fight.
THIS TIME JUST ONCE
LOVE
YOU HAVE SUCH A
PRETTY FACE
LUST
YOU WILL
HOLD ME
DOWN
WITH IT
美
I AM THE LOVER IN YOUR BED MY VISION HIDES IN VIGNETTE
I AM THE POISON FOR YOUR LIPS NOW I AM GOING BLIND, I’M BROKEN.
あなとを抱くのは
今夜だけ。
After the sun shines down on you
After my touch just works you through
I won't come back and love you too
It's just tonight again
I am not so simple
We have gone into the dawn
I will take you down again
Is this worth just having?
You have such a pretty face
You will hold me down with it
Memoir III
Now you want to love me good
Yet cannot find my heart
I am the lover in your bed
And every star is gone
My vision hides in vignette
I am the poison for your lips
And now I’m going blind
I’m broken
I won’t come back and love you too
It’s just tonight again
I am not just stating
It’s not anything you did
I will fuck you blind again
Is this pain worth hating?
I won’t blame for what you think
Will you dance with me again?
Now you want to love me good
Yet cannot find my heart
I am the lover in your bed
And every star is gone
My vision hides in vignette
I am the poison for your lips
And now I’m going blind
I’m broken
Just tonight again
My grandmother will serve what is best for me.
This was all meant to be a lesson learned. I do not need to
take this so deeply. That girl was just a crutch, a makeshift
support system to temporarily keep me sane. I am
much stronger now. I can do this all alone. I do not need
anyone to show me the route to salvation. Although
I cannot erase the stupid things I’ve said and done, I will
find a better way. There is no more you, there is no more us,
there is nothing left of you in my mind. Eventually I will
forget your name. Just keep moving on till that forever ends.
Don’t try to find me, because the beauty queen has lost her
crown. I won’t be home tonight, so take a breathe and softly
say good bye. Now I am the one who walks away. I still have
my grandmother. It’s all right where we belong.
PER-PARADISE
FECT
Ever lasting,
time will stop
before the morning.
夢
My paradise, your love that I’ll breathe
It’s you that I call for
Cover me from cold
My perfect paradise
WHISPER
Let me sleep
So I dream
for more
of
lullabies
into
my head
you.
(3020)
THEN
小さな声で
NOW
I want you
home
a g a i n
Gazing in your eyes before me
So afraid to walk along beside your path
Ever lasting, time will stop before the morning
Will I feel the consequence of our divide?
Cover me from cold
My perfect paradise
Cover me from cold
My perfect paradise
Perfect life, everything is right
Thirty-twenty, is it long for you?
I replaced all my loneliness
So afraid to keep you in my heart
Memoir IV
Do I talk to you? or let my story go?
Whisper lullabies into my head
Let me sleep for more
So I dream of you
Figure out the words I have for you
Cover me from cold
My perfect paradise
My perfect paradise
art
ap
fall
go
to
e
p
c
pla hide n kee
e
t
l
c
’t
d
ca
fe
g
on
per un an d we
kin
a
Iw
c
r
i
n
d
a
p
e
an ll
fin
’ll we c a wa er sid g and
e
W ere ild oth kin
wh ’ll bu the n pic
We th on eps o
e
dea t it k
u
B
ou
ty
I remember the time I visited you in the senior care
facility. I looked into your glassy eyes, and your pupil looked
confused. I asked you how you were doing, as you
proceeded to stare back at me. You gave me a puzzled look,
stating you know who I am, but forgot what my name was.
The devastation of that reality broke my heart. I smiled back
at you, telling you my name, not trying to let it get to me.
I kept conversating with you that night, telling you
stories, our memories we shared together. We laughed, joked,
and even ate a little snack. I felt so much love from you,
although my identity was in question. Before I went home,
I cried in the stairwell. Everything around me, wasn’t quite
as it seemed. All the world I used to know, was an elaborate
dream. I couldn’t stop crying.
She f
or
She f got my na
orgot
m
my n e.
ame.
FACT
r’s
e
m
i
e
h
lz
MYTH
Fu
uA
o
y
ck
思い
出
NOW SHE IS
LOSING WHAT
REALLY MATTERS
MOST. HER
MEMORIES.
You went into eternal sleep. I hope that you are proud
of me. I brought my romantic partner before you died,
so you can see who she was. I wanted to show you that
I had someone that loved me. I hope that put your
mind in peace. Now I can only hope that you will watch
from the skies, the day I smile up at you and
introduce you to my eternal partner. Now I can
only hope that you will watch from the skies, when
I raise children of my own. One day I will be with you again
in person. One day, I can thank you, for making me who
I am today. Although the day you passed was a tragic day,
I use it today as a source of strength. I embrace the spiritual
surge that you give me when life becomes difficult.Thank you
Grandmother. I love you forever.
YOU BELONG WITH
ME NOW
ME NOW
I’ll keep mourning for you
I WILL NOT
BREAK DOWN
I WILL NOT
LET GO
IN MY NOTHING
YOU MEANT
EVERYTHING TO ME
PLEASE TAKE ME
AND RUN FAR AWAY
WANTS
NEEDS
Cries won’t go away
These little parts of you
that stays inside me
Hoping that I’ll move on with a beauty
I hear your voice and nothing else within me
Your death is haunting me
You belong with me now
You stay forever, don’t leave me to die
Memoir V
So tired of sleeping
The glory is receding
Grieving
my heart is bleeding
I’m losing faith for myself
Come back into me
Cause only you can save me
Grandmother
You are my f lower
H A NA
BY:
A lot of the photography on this book was shot by
contributing stock photography providers from all
over the world. Please visit their work at the URL below:
http://bakanekonei.deviantart.com/
http://sceptre63.deviantart.com/
http://bluewave-stock.deviantart.com/
http://greenfroggiesstock.deviantart.com/
http://clandestine-stock.deviantart.com/
http://shadowstockcat.deviantart.com/
http://onixastock.deviantart.com/
http://mmp-stock.deviantart.com/
http://miss-deviante.deviantart.com/
http://mynti-stock.deviantart.com/
http://moonstruckstock.deviantart.com/
http://inadesign-stock.deviantart.com/
http://siljaergstock.deviantart.com/
http://kisiks.deviantart.com/
TA K A K U R A
Hana
Staff photographers:
By: Christopher Takakura
Christopher Takakura
Kjell-Roger Ringstad
Written, designed, and produced by:
Christopher Takakura during April. 2010 - Nov. 2010
Distributed under Dream Infinity Studios
Poetry/Lyrical work citation:
P. 8 - 17, 42 - 43, 60 - 61, 84 - 85, 96 - 97: Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails
P. 34 - 37, 92 - 93: Benjamin Burnley of Breaking Benjamin
Story written by:
Christopher Takakura, Stephanie Woodard
All other poetry content/memoirs written by:
Christopher Takakura, Rachel Flannigan, Jennifer Leigh Adams
Designed at Dream Infinity Studios using:
Adobe Photoshop
Adobe Illustrator
Adobe Indesign
Type set with:
Univers Light, Bembo, Avenir
Electronic design book version hosted by:
Media Temple
mediatemple.net
Staff editors:
Emily Wattson
Stephanie Woodard
Special thanks and love:
My Grandmother, My family and relatives, Kristin Wohlhueter, Aimee Ariizumi
Jennifer Leigh Adams, Emily Wattson, Liang Ge, Stephanie Woodard,
Sheryl Adams, Rachel Flannigan, Eric Sensel, Shandi Ramirez, Bryan Georgio,
Kjell-Roger Ringstad, Kathy Utsunomiya, Patrick Utsunomiya, Thomas Shannon,
James Donaman, Steven Lee, Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails for the years of inspiration.
and last but not least...
Thank you to all the fans of my site who have supported me throughout the years.
dreaminfinity.com
christakakura.com
The electronic version of this book is free, and everyone who has contributed to
the project wheather its editing, photography, content, and creative direction,
have worked for free respectively. Please do not steal this work. Thank you.
© Copyright 2010 Dream Inifinity Studios/Christopher Takakura
All rights reserved. Licensed by Creative Commons
Attribution-noncommercial-no derivative works 3.0 United States
creativecommons.org
mindviolation
DREAM INFINITY
DREAMINFINITY.COM
DSM //: III

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