Carleton Maxwell, Nicole Jackson, Keenan Shotwell

Carleton Maxwell, Nicole Jackson, Keenan Shotwell
PUBLISHER:
Dr. Stacy L. Spencer
Chief Apostolic Officer
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF:
Laschandra M. Brooks,
Communications Director
ADVISORY BOARD:
New Direction Executive Team
COMPASS Staff
Editorial: Talene Anderson,
Keisha Gross, Brenda Jones,
Daralene Jones,
Joyce E. McKinney and Tasha Palmer
Sales: Jennifer Mays
Photography: Shabrenda Davis
DESIGN LAYOUT & PRODUCTION:
Entice Advertising & Graphic Design
A PUBLICATION OF:
New Direction Christian Church
6120 Winchester Road
Memphis, TN 38115
PHONE: (901) 433-3871
FAX: (901) 433-3872
www.N2NewDirection.org
For more information on advertising space,
e-mail [email protected].
COMPASS would love to hear from you with
questions, comments or concerns. Address
correspondence, including your full name,
address and daytime phone number to:
COMPASS
6120 Winchester Road
Memphis, TN 38115
FAX: (901) 433-3872
[email protected].
© 2006 New Direction Christian Church.
All rights reserved.
Cover Photography
Shabrenda Davis
february 2006
Volume 2 Issue 1
contents
14
12
10
LIVING WELL
9 Parenting Principles
15 Improve Your Body:
From the Inside Out
3
PEOPLE, PLACES & EVENTS
COMPASS Salutes
11 New Year’s @ NDCC
8 HERO Awards
CULTURAL HAPPENINGS
7 Read it, See it, Hear it, Play it
SPECIAL FEATURES
13 LOVE & Realtionships Survey Results
18 MEMPHIS’ 10 Hottest Dating Spots
19 SINGLE Behind the Pulpit
Do you know a Special Dad?
INSIDE EVERY ISSUE
3 A Message From Pastor
Pastor Stacey Spencer
6 Letters Editor-In-Chief,
I’m Still Here
2
A message from our Pastor
A New Year … A New COMPASS
Did you enjoy our New Year’s Eve services? I’m still riding the high from the
momentum. If January was any indication, then 2006 is going to be unlike any
other year we’ve experienced in our short life. We can’t rest on our laurels and do
business as usual. The same goes for our COMPASS Magazine. This publication
belongs to you, so we want to make sure we constantly exceed your expectations.
We are launching the new year with a new fresh look for COMPASS with more
lifestyle content to help you live beyond the pulpit. With that said, we are introducing our new Parenting Principles column, entertainment news you can use and
much more.
Singles and couples-of-all-kinds, this issue is dedicated to YOU! That’s right; we
have the highly anticipated results from our online COMPASS Love Survey. Our
cover story features personal interviews with our very own Keenan Shotwell,
Minister of Music and Nicole Jackson, Children’s Pastor on how they live as healthy,
single ministers.
Special thanks go out to our growing number of advertisers. With the support
of advertisers, we are able to offer this issue absolutely free on its debut Sunday.
If you miss out on the complimentary issue, additional copies are available in
our Fillin’ Station Bookstore and through key distributors for only $2. Be sure to
support those businesses that support you!
Best regards,
Dr. Stacy L. Spencer
Publisher
2005 Freedom Awards
3
Dr. Spencer greets 2005 Freedom Award recipients
Paul Rusesabagina, Oprah Winfrey, and Ruby Dee.
place, I imagine dating
can be challenging
when so many aspects
of your life lead you to
encounter the same
pool of available
women. How do you
handle it?
KS: Honestly, it is not
hard at all. My role
requires me to draw
very clear lines between
my ministry and my
personal life. I try to
avoid any appearances
of un-Christian or unprofessional behavior. That doesn’t
mean I will close myself off if God chooses to place
a New Direction member in my life. It only means I
use Godly discernment and carry myself as He and
NDCC require.
TA: How does someone’s relationship with God impact
your dating decisions?
NJ: Any man who I may consider dating must have his
heart and mind open to the presence of God in his life.
I’m looking to submit to a man who can submit to God,
and, frankly, that is not something I’m willing to compromise on.
TA: How do you handle being a single female pastor
who is dating?
NJ: I’m blessed to work in ministry that values me as a
woman, my gifts and my authority as a pastor. These are
huge responsibilities, which can be intimidating for a lot
of men, especially if they aren’t actively involved in ministry. It is a sacrifice and it can be lonely. However, my
calling is so precious that it is worth it to me. I know
when God is ready; He will place the right man in my
life who will love me and can handle all God has in
store.
TA: Do you think that more women are attracted to you
because of your role as Minister of Music?
KS: Occasionally, yes. The key is determining which
women are truly attracted to the man I am from those
who are attracted to the role God has called me to serve.
It requires staying in relationship with God and asking
Him to put the right woman in my path.
Nicole Jackson
TA: How does your calling aid in your dating discernment?
NJ: Anyone can have dating discernment. It only
requires a relationship with God. I seek God in every
decision in my life, which includes dating. I ask God to
keep me safe, honest, and open to hear His voice to
choose the mate He desires.
TA: What do you think a single woman should do in the
meantime?
NJ: First, understand you are called to be who you are in
this moment in time. No matter what age you are, don’t
rush it … wait on God. He will give you the desires of
your heart. Live life to the fullest, so you’ll have that
much more to offer when your husband finds you.
Single Behind
the
t
Pulpi
Ministering While Single
By Talene Anderson
Searching for Mr. or Ms. Right can be difficult enough
by itself. Now, imagine you are a pastor, servant or
minister seeking a mate in the public eye. Keenan
Shotwell, Minister of Music and Pastor Nicole Jackson
share how they handle ministering while single.
Keenan Shotwell
TA: How does ministry affect your dating habits?
19
KS: Ministry is not a typical 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., Monday
through Friday job. I’m always on call. The person who
I date must understand I have a hectic schedule and my
life is not my own.
TA: Do you think it’s hard being single?
KS: Sometimes, I’m human. There are so many beautiful
and attractive women in Memphis. I have the same emotions and temptations every single man struggles with.
TA: So, how do you handle those temptations?
KS: I’m intentional about avoiding situations that may
compromise my relationship with God. I surround
myself with a positive circle of friends who can keep me
accountable. I focus on God, my son, Jair and my ministries – all of which keep me extremely busy.
TA: Since you work, minister and worship all in the same
MEMPHIS’ 10 HOTTEST DATING SPOTS
Saved, hip and young people desire great places where
they can enjoy the night out without breaking the bank or
worrying about lowering their standards. COMPASS polled
our readers for their favorite dating spots. Some of the answers
may surprise you.
#10 Jillian’s @ Peabody Place - 150 Peabody Place
# 9 Paradiso Theatre - 584 S. Mendenhall
# 8 All Star Lanes (Bowling) - 1576 White Station Road
# 7 Starbucks - (Locations throughout Memphis)
# 6 The Avenue Carriage Crossing - Merchants Park Circle
# 5 Cheeburger Cheeburger - 3800 Hacks Cross Road
# 4 Café Soul - (Downtown)
# 3 Bonefish Grill - 1250 N. Germantown Pkwy (Cordova)
Top 10
# 2 Round One Restaurant - 6642 Winchester Road
# 1 FedEx Forum - 191 Beale Street
HOTTEST
18
I ’m s t i l l h e re. . .
By Laschandra M. Brooks, Editor-In-Chief
No one plans to fail. No one starts a race planning to finish last. And, as far as I know, no one enters
into marriage with plans to divorce. I know I certainly didn’t
plan to divorce when I married the man I believed was going to
be my life partner. Divorce went against all that I believed. It
equaled failure in my mind.
We were a picture perfect couple. He was a former Vanderbilt
football player and a college graduate-turned banker. I was the
honors graduate and social butterfly-turned government
communicator. We met while volunteering for the 1996
Olympics and within two years, we married, purchased a new
home, traveled and each excelled professionally. But, here I am
today, another statistic. It has been nearly four years since my
divorce. It left me feeling full of regrets and insecurities. I’ve
gone through every emotion imaginable, but the ones I struggled with the most were feelings of anger and failure.
The most ironic part is although I was angry with my ex-husband, I was furious with myself. I would beat myself up with
thoughts of “If I had prayed more, read more how-to books,
saw earlier signs, did something, anything … everything differently, I could have saved my marriage.”
“What now God!”
The one thing I would ask myself privately, but never admit
publicly was, “God, why wouldn’t you save my marriage when
you’ve saved so many others. What did they do that I didn’t do?
What did I do so wrong?” Publicly, I held it all together. I
masked my pain with
my career, activity and
New Direction. The only
person I thought I could
trust was me. At times, it
seemed as if that worked. Every
time I heard a good sermon or read a
self-help book I would release and feel better … but only for a little while.
It was not until God removed my corporate image, friends and
safety net that I was forced to confront my pain and feelings. I
had to admit I was MAD as HELL with God. “What now, God!”
I screamed. “You’ve taken everything away from me! Aren’t there
others who were more deserving?” I was angry and only God
could answer my questions.
Then, the words Pastor Spencer leads us to recite every Sunday
flooded my mind, “When my Bible is open I can hear … and
when my Bible is closed, I can’t hear from you.” So, I did just that.
I opened my Bible and for the first time I had this indescribable
understanding of the text. Words seemed to jump off the page
and come alive to make perfect sense. I now realize it wasn’t until
I allowed myself to be so vulnerable that God could come in.
God spoke to my heart in such a clear voice. The more I read, the
more He spoke. I now realize my divorce gave me a testimony.
My only failure is not letting go sooner and preventing God from
coming in. For everything I was afraid to let go of, He has
replaced with something so amazing. I’m happier now than I
ever imagined. I love the place where I am. I couldn’t be here
without the divorce. I’m here. I’m free. Thank you, God!
6
CULTURAL
H
The Amazing Race 9
February 28th
Tasha Palmer,
Entertainment Editor
watch it
read it
appenings
Cure for the Common Life
by Max Lucado
Release Date: January 2006
hear it
Juanita Bynum,
A Piece of My Passion
Release: January 16th
Changing
Faces
by Kimberla
Lawson Roby
Release Date:
February 2006
Heather Headley,
In My Mind
Release: January 31st
Tyler Perry’s Madea’s
Family Reunion
Release Date: February 24th
play it
read it
don’t miss it
I Will Survive
7
by Dona L. Jackson
December 2005
The Second Chance
Release Date: February 17th
Sony PS3
Release Date: November 2006
A
Inhale deeply.
B
(A) Begin exhaling and raise your lower abs as you curl the tailbone under.
Complete your exhale as you walk the hands down the thighs
(B) Lower yourself one vertebra at a time until you are lying down (legs remain bent).
Inhale, then exhale to rise again, one vertebra at a time, to sitting position. Do 6 times.
After about a month of regular practice,
you’ll notice that your posture and body
awareness are improved in your workouts,
sports activities, and everyday life.
Source: AOL Diet & Fitness
Dear Parenting Principles:
I’ve been dating a guy for a couple of
months now. Everything is going well. It has
really been a drama-free relationship. There
is only one problem. He has never met my
eight-year-old daughter. I hate to admit it,
but I’ve been a little reluctant because I don’t
want to scare him off. When is the right time
to introduce my friend to my child?
Dear Reluctant:
Signed,
Reluctant & Waiting
Your daughter is your priority, so you have
to be cautious of the people you bring into
her life. On the other hand, until you
allow your friend into all parts of your life,
he doesn’t really know you. In fact, he is
only dating half of you.
With everything, PRAY first. Then, maintain open lines of communication with
your mate and your child. Talk to him and
if he is reluctant, then that may be a true
indication of how he feels about your
future together.
9
Send your parenting questions to Parenting
Principals expert, Keisha Gross, New
Direction’s Children’s Coordinator at [email protected] or mail to New
Direction, attention: COMPASS, 6120
Winchester Road, Memphis, TN 38115.
Keisha is married to Marcus and they happily parent two sons, Kameron and Mason.
Likewise, talk to your daughter and let her
know you are dating someone you would
like for her to eventually meet. While you
are NOT seeking her permission, you do
want to consider her feelings.
Constantly reassure her that she is the
most important person in your life. Take
it slowly and be patient. When they are
ready, plan their first meeting in a neutral
and social environment outside of your
home where they have equal footing.
Remember, God did not give us the spirit of fear. If this man is going to be in
your life, then you need to make room
for him to share it with your daughter.
Dear Parenting Principals:
My husband and I are ending our five-year
marriage and our children are caught in the
middle. There is so much hurt on both
sides. We can’t seem to talk without it leading to an argument. Now that love is gone,
how do we move past the pain to learn
how to be good parents to our children?
Signed,
Hurt & Parenting
Dear Hurt Parent:
My heart goes out to you. Be encouraged. As hurt as you are, your children
are probably hurting more. Remember,
their lives will never be the same. So, for
your children’s sake, I strongly suggest
you and your spouse consider the following: PRAY. If you can’t pray together,
then pray for God’s healing, for each
other and for your children.
FOCUS on the children. While you are
hurting right now, try to do what’s in the
best interests of your children. Avoid
having fights in front of the children.
ESTABLISH A PARENTING PLAN.
Parents, work to develop a visitation plan
and stick to it.
While some of these statistics may seem alarming, combined they paint
a very realistic picture of what many people are coping with everyday.
If one of these statistics resembles your behavior or lifestyle, there is
help. Allow God’s word to be your guide. Here are a few scriptures
to meditate on. Remember He loves you and there is nothing you
can do that will cause Him to stop.
If you are interested in connecting and learning with Christian singles in
small group settings, participate in NDCC’s In the Mix receptions
held every 4th Sunday at 5 p.m. in the Multi-Purpose Room.
Single Sex as Sin
1 Corinthians 6:18
Run away from sexual sin! No other sin clearly affects the body as this one does.
For sexual immorality is sin against your own body.
Saved and Sexual
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
God wants you to be holy so you should flee from sexual sin. Then each of you
will control your body and live in holiness and honor- not in lust passion as unsaved
people do in their ignorance of God and His ways.
Adultery
1 Thessalonians 4:6
Never cheat a Christian brother in this matter by taking his wife, for the Lord
avenges all such sins.
Friends w/Benefits
Dating in the church that leads to no commitment
1 Timothy 3: 1-6
They will act as if they are religious, but they will reject the power that
could make them godly. You must stay away from people like that.
They are the kind who work their way into people’s homes and win
the confidence of vulnerable women who are burdened with the guilt
of sin and controlled by many desires.
WHO RESPONDED?
Gender:
Status:
Children:
Age Range:
Women: 85%
Single: 40%
None: 48%
18-25: 20%
Men: 15%
Committed Relationship: 22%
1-3: 46%
4 or more: 5%
26-40: 68%
41-50: 9%
Same-sex relationships
Lev. 20:13
God instructed Moses that "if a man lies with a male as he
lies with a woman; both of them have committed an
abomination. They shall surely be put to death. Their
blood shall be upon them" Under New Testament Law, all
sexual immorality, inclusive of homosexuality, is sin.
Separated: 4%
Over 50: 4%
Divorced: 9%
Married 25%
Yo u r B o d y f r o m t h e I n s i d e O u t
Pilates
BASIC
I m p r ov e
Pilates, a new fitness craze sweeping the country promises to give
you a great low-impact cardio workout. The exercises combine the
movements of yoga, gymnastics and martial arts. It emphasizes
slow, controlled movements with deep concentrated breaths that
strengthen the powerhouse or core muscles.
However, don’t allow slow-paced movements to fool you.
As, Tasha Palmer, our entertainment editor demonstrates, these
exercises use your core muscles to strengthen and tighten your
lower back, abs, buttocks and legs.
The Pilates Breath
1
Sit crossed legged. Place your palms on your abdomen, fingers
spread apart, inhale deeply through the nose without raising
your shoulders and then pull the lower abs up and into your
spine as you exhale through mouth. Count to 5 as you inhale,
and count to 5 again as you exhale.
Salutes Our
Heroes
Do you know a Dad who puts the “he” in Hero?
Do you know a Dad who is able to balance his
family life, work and New Direction ministry
responsibilities? Then, nominate him for our
COMPASS Magazine “Hero” Awards
Submit a 100-word essay explaining why your
New Direction Dad deserves to be honored in our
Special Father’s Day Tribute.
Nomination Criteria:
• Nominated Dad must be a New Direction member
• Nominated Dad may be single, married or divorced
• Nominated Dad should be involved in a New Direction
ministry
Photos welcomed, but not mandatory. Please note: pictures
will not be returned. Essays must be type-written.
2
Submission Guidelines:
Roll-Down to the Floor
This exercise implements “imprinting” or moving
your spine up or down one vertebra at a time. It
increases the spine’s flexibility and strengthens your
core. Begin seated with legs in front of you, knees
bent, feet hip-width apart. Place your palms on the
backs of your thighs, close to your knees.
15
COMPASS Magazine
E-mail to [email protected]
Mail to: New Direction Christian Church,
6120 Winchester Road, Memphis, TN 38115
Drop off at New Direction Christian Church
Welcome Center, Sunday-Friday.
All entries MUST be received by
5 p.m. on Monday, May 1, 2006
Please no phone inquires. Thanks
8
PEOPLE, places &EVENTS
New Years Eve at NDCC
Carl Norvell, Alexis Humulock, Mallory Lightford, Dominic Mathews
Brianna Scott, Alexander Wilkins, Danielle Balfour
Shantel Barrow, Corey Bills
David Nimrod, Davien Nimrod
2005
April Yates
11
2005
Dorothy Colen
Photography by Shabrenda Davis.
Mr. & Mrs. Stephen Carter
Kamonia Clay
Shawandra Howard & A’niyah Howard
More than 300 Memphians responded to our
COMPASS Magazine Love Survey. We asked
questions on dating, sexuality and relationships. And
boy, the responses were revealing! Judge for yourself:
Men vs. Women
1
While both genders seem to agree men should make
the first move and it is OK for a woman to ask a man
out, both seem to be a little more liberal on which
gender should pick up the tab for the first date.
• 50% believe a man should pay for the first date
• 15% believe each should share the expense equally
• 35% believe whoever asks should foot the entire bill
Dating
Interestingly enough, while the popularity and proliferation
of online dating sites seems to be growing; only 5% admitted to using online sites to meet others.
2
Top 3 methods singles use to meet others
• social events
• through mutual acquaintances
• church
• 79% believe they should share dating history
with their partners.
• 24% believe your child’s parent (your ex) should
approve of your next relationship.
• 57% reported they’re most comfortable dating people
within five years of their own age.
• 44% reported they would consider dating someone
with children.
13
Sexuality
WORK TOGETHER to maintain the same ground rules
with each parent. Don’t allow your children to manipulate
the situation.
AVOID SPEAKING NEGATIVELY about each other as
there is power in the tongue.
DON’T FORCE CHILDREN TO CHOOSE SIDES.
Allow them to love both of you. It is OK to want to spend
time with the other parent.
CONSTANTLY REASSURE CHILDREN. While you
may not be husband and wife, you are still their mom and
dad. Let them know that you will always love them.
Our respondents revealed some controversial insights about themselves. While 70% admitted to being involved in a “friends with
benefits relationship” or an intimate relationship without a commitment, 42% admitted it wasn’t something they wanted.
REMEMBER CHILDREN ARE NOT BARGAINING
CHIPS. As much as you may want to lash out at the other,
do not use your children to gain an advantage over the other.
Plus!
SEEK PROFESSIONAL OR SPIRITUAL FAMILY
COUNSELING. Divorce impacts the entire family.
Oftentimes, a third party can help everyone sort through
their feelings, so the healing can begin.
3
• 66% singles reported they are sexually active
• 33% admitted to past or current intimate involvement
with a married person not their spouse
• 10% responded they had considered or had
been involved in a secretive same-sex relationship
TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME. Be patient with yourself
and your children. It is going to take time to begin to construct your new life.