Grade 5 Writing Sample - Warrior Run School District

Transcription

The Pennsylvania System
of School Assessment
2005 – 2006
Writing Item and Scoring Sampler
Grade 5
Pennsylvania Department of Education Bureau of Assessment and Accountability 2005–2006
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Introduction ........................................................................................................ 4
Embedded-Error Passages and General Information ......................................... 5
Sample Passage 1 with Multiple‑Choice Items .................................................. 6
Writing Prompts: General Information .............................................................. 13
Narrative Scoring Guideline . ............................................................................. 14
Prompt 1 ............................................................................................................. 15
Prompt 1 Student Responses .............................................................................. 16
Informational Scoring Guideline . ...................................................................... 22
Prompt 2 ............................................................................................................. 23
Persuasive Scoring Guideline . ........................................................................... 30
Prompt 3 ............................................................................................................. 31
Conventions Scoring Guideline........................................................................... 38
Conventions Student Responses.......................................................................... 39
Grade 5 Writing Item Sampler 2005–2006
Page Writing Item and Scoring Sampler
General Introduction
The Department of Education provides districts and schools with tools to assist in delivering focused
instructional programs aligned to the state assessment system. These tools include academic standards
documents, specifics of the assessment, and content-based item and scoring samplers. This 2005–2006
Writing Item and Scoring Sampler is a useful tool for Pennsylvania educators in the preparation of local
instructional programs and the statewide PSSA assessments. What’s Included
This item and scoring sampler contains multiple‑choice items (based on embedded-error passages) and
writing prompts that were used in the February 2005 PSSA Writing Assessment [Field Test]. These items
and prompts are representative of the types of items and prompts that will appear on the operational 2006
PSSA Writing Assessment. Each item has been through a rigorous review process and is aligned to the state
standards.
Purpose and Uses
The items and writing prompts in this sampler may be used as examples for creating assessment items at the
classroom level, and they may also be copied and used as part of a local instructional program.* Classroom
teachers may find it beneficial to have students respond to the prompts in the sampler. Educators can then use
the sampler as a guide to score the responses either independently or together with colleagues within a school
or a district. Item Format and Scoring Guidelines
Each multiple‑choice item has four answer choices and is connected to an embedded‑error passage. A correct
response to each multiple-choice item is worth one point.
The writing prompts are designed to take about sixty minutes to complete; although during an actual testing
event, students are given additional time as necessary to complete their responses. The writing prompts
are scored with both a 1–4 scale mode-specific scoring guideline and with a 1–4 scale conventions scoring
guideline. The mode‑specific scoring guidelines presented within this sampler were used to score each
respective prompt. Actual (transcribed) student responses are used as samples to represent each score point.
* The permission to copy and/or use these materials does not extend to commercial purposes.
Page EMBEDDED-ERROR MULTIPLE-CHOICE ITEMS:
GENERAL INFORMATION
The purpose of the passages and multiple-choice items is to assess students’ abilities to revise and edit written
text. Each correct response is worth one point.
These multiple-choice items reflect Pennsylvania Academic Standards–Quality of Writing–1.5.5.E and
1.5.5.F.
1.5.5.E
Revise writing to improve organization and word choice; check the logic, order of ideas, and
precision of vocabulary.
1.5.5.F
Edit writing using the conventions of language.
•
Spell common, frequently used words correctly.
•
Use capital letters correctly.
•
Punctuate correctly (periods, exclamation points, question marks, commas, quotation marks,
apostrophes).
•
Use nouns, pronouns, verbs, adjectives, adverbs, conjunctions, prepositions, and interjections
properly.
•
Use complete sentences (simple, compound, declarative, interrogative, exclamatory, and
imperative).
SAMPLE PASSAGES AND ITEMS
There are three embedded-error passages in this sampler. Each is followed by a set of four multiple‑choice
items. Each item is preceded by a standards notation and followed by an annotation that provides additional
explanation or clarification.
A correct answer is indicated by an asterisk.
Page WRITING
Sample Passage 1
Read the passage below and then answer questions 1–4.
1 When
the school year was over, we moved into a house in a new town. 2 I was going to
my first day of camp this Summer. 3 I was a little worried since I wasn’t going to know anyone
there. 4 Would I meet a new friend? 5 In the morning, I went downstairs for a quick breakfast.
6 Then I headed out.
7As I walked the two blocks to the school where the camp was I thought about the friends
I had left behind in Delaware. 8 I walked into the building, found the right room, and took a seat
in the back.
9 A kid asked, “Is this seat taken?” 10 We started to talk, and I found out that he had just
moved hear too. 11 We were going to be in the same class at Washington Elementary!
12 My worries about camp and school were instantly gone.
1.5.5.F
1.
Which word should not be capitalized?
A.
B.
C.
D.
Summer in sentence 2 *
Delaware in sentence 7
Washington in sentence 11
Elementary in sentence 11
The answer options reflect a common capitalization error: proper versus common nouns. Options B
and D, the name of a state and the name of a person, are always capitalized. In Option D, the word
elementary is sometimes capitalized and sometimes not, so students must recognize its specific use
here as part of a particular school name. Option A is the correct answer because the word summer is
used as a common noun; it is merely naming a season of the year.
1.5.5.E
2.
Which word is used incorrectly and should be changed?
A.
B.
C.
D.
change new to knew in sentence 1
change there to their in sentence 3
change where to were in sentence 7
change hear to here in sentence 10 *
Although the word choices for each answer option sound the same, they differ in meaning. These
are words whose usage is often confused, so students must consider their appropriate use in each
sentence. The words in Options A, B, and C are used correctly within the context of the identified
sentences. Option D is the correct answer because the context in this particular sentence calls for
“here,” not “hear.”
Page WRITING
1.5.5.F
3. Which shows the correct comma placement for sentence 7?
A. As I walked, the two blocks to the school where the camp was I thought about the friends I had left behind in Delaware.
B. As I walked the two blocks to the school, where the camp was I thought about the friends I had left behind in Delaware.
C. As I walked the two blocks to the school where the camp was, I thought about the friends I had left behind in Delaware. *
D. As I walked the two blocks to the school where the camp was I thought about the
friends I had left behind, in Delaware.
Students are provided with four options for comma placement in this sentence. A basic comma rule
is to use a comma after a long introductory element, which is the case here. Option A places the
comma after the first short clause, but this is incorrect as it separates the clause from what is needed
to complete the thought (not just As I walked, but As I walked the two blocks to the school where the
camp was). Option B places the comma too soon for the same reason (not just to the school, but to
the school where the camp was). Option D fails to set off the introductory clause and places a comma
where none is needed. Option C is the correct answer as the comma sets off the long introductory
element and leads into the main focus of the sentence.
1.5.5.E
4.
Which sentence would be a good conclusion for the passage?
A.
B.
C.
D.
My friend from my hometown will be coming to visit.
I now had a new friend at my new school. *
I was going to design my own airplane at camp.
The new school had many more students than my old one.
Answer Options A, C, and D offer new, but isolated, details. Option A does not retain the emphasis
on making a new friend. Option C returns to the topic of the camp itself, which is not the focus of
the passage. Option D provides a detail about the new school’s student population that has little
relevance to the passage. Only Option B sums up the passage and restates its main idea for the
reader, as a good conclusion should.
Page WRITING
Sample Passage 2
1 Can you imagine living in a time when the land was covered with ice and snow 2 Many
millions of years ago, this is what it was like on Earth. 3 The temperature was very cold then
________ the ice kept the sun from warming anything up. 4 Scientists have a theory. 5 They
think this happened because there was a change in how our planet circled the sun. 6 Called the Ice
Age. 7 Not many large animals could live in these conditions.
8 One well-known animal that did live during the Ice Age was the woolly mammoth.
9 A mammoth is a little like a modern‑day elephant. 10 It had a long trunk, tusks, and a thick
woolly coat of fur to protect it from the cold. 11 Its disappearance from the animal kingdom is
not one that can be blamed on human beings. 12 It would be fun to go to the zoo and see a woolly
mammoth today. 13 The woolly mammoth died out because of a changing environment.
1.5.5.F
5.
Choose the correct punctuation for the end of sentence 1.
A.
B.
C.
D.
Can you imagine living in a time when the land was covered with ice and snow.
Can you imagine living in a time when the land was covered with ice and snow!
Can you imagine living in a time when the land was covered with ice and snow? *
Can you imagine living in a time when the land was covered with ice and snow,
Students must decide what type of sentence this is in order to apply the correct end punctuation.
Options A and B present the sentence as declarative, with one more emphatic than the other. Option
D implies the sentence is incomplete. Only Option C identifies the sentence as a question and uses the
correct end punctuation.
1.5.5.E
6.
Which word best fills the blank in Sentence 3?
A.
B.
C.
D.
because *
although
that
which
Students must use logic to select the appropriate conjunction to show the proper relationship between
the two parts of the sentence. The blank in the sentence aids in this process by allowing students to
insert each option and try it out. Options C and D are relative pronouns and should be used only in
reference to another word or phrase (the book that I left on the table); Option B suggests a contrast
or contradiction between the two halves of the sentence that does not exist. Option A is the best
answer since the second half of the sentence explains the first by telling why the temperature was very
cold.
Page WRITING
1.5.5.F
7.
Which sentence is incomplete?
A.
B.
C.
D.
sentence 4
sentence 6 *
sentence 9
sentence 13
Students must recognize the elements that comprise a complete sentence (subject, verb, complete
thought) in order to arrive at the correct answer. Students must read sentence 6 in isolation rather
than as a continuation of sentence 5 to recognize that it is missing a subject and is therefore
incomplete.
1.5.5.E
8.
Which sentence should be removed from the passage because it is not relevant to
the topic?
A.
B.
C.
D.
sentence 5
sentence 8
sentence 11
sentence 12 *
Students should recognize that the main ideas in this passage are the Ice Age and the woolly
mammoth. Option A maintains focus by continuing a thought from the previous sentence about
scientists and a theory. Option B introduces the woolly mammoth, so it cannot be off‑topic. Option
C continues discussion of the woolly mammoth. The switch in sentence 12 (Option D) to a personal,
informal voice (“It would be fun”), along with the immediate switch back to the more objective voice
in sentence 13, cues students that this is the sentence that strays off topic.
Page WRITING
Sample Passage 3
1 About the size of a pin is a small insect called a flea. 2 It can look like a speck of dirt. 3 A
flea has a flattened body, so it can move easily through the hairs of an animal. 4 Its body also has
a hard outer shell that is designed for high-speed jumping. 5 This prevents the flea from crushing
itself upon landing. 6 Do you know an amazing fact about fleas? 7 A flea can jump up to 130 times
it’s own length. 8 If you think about it, that means fleas can jump up to seven inches into the air!
9 Perhaps you’re thinking that doesn’t sound like much. 10 Let’s put it in human terms. 11 What
if you could jump 130 times your own heighth? 12 Say you’re five feet tall. 13 If you could jump
like a flea, you would be able to jump 650 feet into the air. 14 That’s about as high as a 60‑story
building!
1.5.5.F
9.
Which word is spelled incorrectly?
A.
B.
C.
D.
insect in sentence 1
designed in sentence 4
heighth in sentence 11 *
building in sentence 14
The words chosen as options are grade-appropriate spelling words. Answer Options A, B, and D
show correct spellings of words that are commonly misspelled. The correct answer is Option C.
1.5.5.E
10. Which best revises sentence 1 without changing the sentence’s meaning?
A.
B.
C.
D.
The small head of a pin is about how big a flea is.
A flea is about the size of a pin and is an insect.
An insect called a flea is very small.
A flea is a small insect about the size of the head of a pin. *
Sentence 1 in the passage uses poor sentence structure and should be revised for clarity (the flea
should appear first in the sentence because the sentence is about him, not about the head of a pin).
Answer Option A retains this reverse order and does not effectively revise. Option B is clumsy
because two related facts are presented as separate and distinct phrases. Option C omits the size
comparison, thereby losing information stated in the original. Option D is the best revision because
it introduces the flea as the subject of the sentence, places the flea in the customary subject place,
defines it, and uses a comparison to add detail.
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WRITING
1.5.5.F
11. Which word should not have an apostrophe?
A.
B.
C.
D.
it’s in sentence 7 *
you’re in sentence 9
Let’s in sentence 10
That’s in sentence 14
All answer options read as contractions; that is, students could read each as two words: it is, you
are, Let us, That is. (Reading them as such would lead to the correct answer because it is does not
fit in the context of sentence 7.) Only Option A is not a contraction in this passage. It is a pronoun
in its possessive form (the flea “owns” its own length), and possessive pronouns should not have
apostrophes.
1.5.5.E
12. Where would this sentence best fit in the passage?
A.
B.
C.
D.
Fleas don’t have wings, but they can run very quickly from place to place.
after sentence 1
after sentence 3 *
after sentence 4
after sentence 6
Answer Options A and C are incorrect because placing the sentence where these options suggest
would interrupt the flow between sentences 1 and 2 (Option A) and sentences 4 and 5 (Option C).
Option D would place the new sentence directly after the question that leads to the second part
of the passage, which focuses on one amazing aspect of the flea. Option B, after sentence 3, is the
best fit because sentence 3 talks about the flea’s body shape and how this facilitates its movements.
Additional information about its body and movements would naturally follow this sentence.
Page 11
WRITING
Page 12
WRITING
WRITING PROMPTS: GENERAL INFORMATION
The greater part of the writing assessment consists of students’ written response to writing prompts.
Fifth graders will write to two of three modes: narrative, informational, or persuasive.
The writing prompts reflect Pennsylvania Academic Standards–Types of Writing–1.4.5.A, 1.4.5.B, and
1.4.5.C.
1.4.5.A
Write poems, plays, and multi‑paragraph stories.
1.4.5.B
Write multi‑paragraph informational pieces (e.g., essays, descriptions, letters, reports,
instructions).
1.4.5.C
Write persuasive pieces with a clearly stated position or opinion and supporting detail,
citing sources when needed.
SAMPLE WRITING PROMPTS AND STUDENT RESPONSES
There are three writing prompts (one at each mode) in this sampler. Written responses are scored on a 1- to 4- point scale, and student samples at each scoring level have been provided. These examples of student writing
have also been annotated. Each paper is scored twice, once for composition and once for conventions. Mode‑specific scoring guidelines
precede each group of student papers. The conventions scoring guideline precedes the papers that exemplify
conventions scores.
Page 13
WRITING
PSSA Narrative Scoring Guideline
Focus
Content
Development
Organization
Style
Focus
Content
Development
Organization
Style
Focus
Content
Development
Organization
Style
Focus
Content
Development
Organization
Style
Sharp, distinct controlling point or theme with evident awareness of the narrative.
Strong story line with illustrative details that addresses a complex idea or examines a
complex experience. Thoroughly elaborated narrative sequence that employs narrative
elements as appropriate.
Skillful narrative pattern with clear and consistent sequencing of events, employing a
beginning, a middle, and an end. Minor interruptions to the sequence may occur.
Precise control of language, literary devices, and sentence structures that creates a
consistent and effective point of view and tone.
Clear controlling point or theme with general awareness of the narrative.
Story line with details that addresses an idea or examines an experience. Sufficiently
elaborated narrative sequence that employs narrative elements as appropriate.
Narrative pattern with generally consistent sequencing of events, employing a beginning, a
middle, and an end. Interruptions to the sequence may occur.
Appropriate control of language, literary devices, and sentence structures that creates a
consistent point of view and tone.
Vague evidence of a controlling point or theme with inconsistent awareness of the
narrative.
Inconsistent story line that inadequately addresses an idea or examines an experience.
Insufficiently elaborated narrative sequence that may employ narrative elements.
Narrative pattern with generally inconsistent sequencing of events that may employ a
beginning, a middle, and an end. Interruptions to the sequence may interfere with meaning.
Limited control of language and sentence structures that creates interference with point of
view and tone.
Little or no evidence of a controlling point or theme with minimal awareness of the
narrative.
Insufficient story line that minimally addresses an idea or examines an experience.
Unelaborated narrative that may employ narrative elements.
Narrative pattern with little or no sequencing of events. Interruptions to the sequence
interfere with meaning.
Minimal control of language and sentence structures that creates an inconsistent point of
view and tone.
Page 14
WRITING
Narrative Writing Prompt
You will have up to 60 minutes to plan, write, and proofread your response to this
writing prompt:
Think about a time when you were given the opportunity to
care for something. Write a story that tells what you had to do
and how it made you feel.
Plan
Before you write:
 Read the prompt carefully so you understand exactly what you are being asked to do.
 Consider topic, task, and audience.
 Think about what you want to write.
 Use scratch paper to organize your thoughts. Use strategies like mapping or
outlining.
Write
As you write:
 Maintain a clear and consistent position or claim.
 Clearly tell a story that includes descriptive details. Include dialogue, if
appropriate.
 Use a variety of well-constructed, complete sentences.
 Use a logical organization with an obvious beginning, middle, and end.
Proofread
After you write:
 Did you support your ideas with specific details?
 Do the point of view and tone of the story remain consistent?
 Check for capitalization, spelling, sentence structure, punctuation, and usage
errors.
Go on to the next page to begin writing your response.
GO ON
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WRITING
NARRATIVEWRITINGPROMPT
FINALCOPY
Ifyouneedadditionalspace,pleasecontinueonthenextpage.
GO ON
COPYRIGHT PA DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION. DO NOT DUPLICATE.
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WRITING
Composition Score 4
This writer establishes a distinct controlling theme and story line by concentrating on the
events leading up to the acquisition of a new pet [a time when the writer was given the
opportunity to care for a rabbit]. Awareness of narrative mode is demonstrated through
the use of dialogue and descriptive details. There is a strong, sequential story line
[“Then, on a day that was going exceptionally well” and “Over a time period of about
three days”]. Setting is embedded in efficient phrases [“while I was playing hopscotch”]
and helps to create a tone for the scenes that follow. Other details, such as “had fish for
the past 12 years” and the rabbit having a “chewing problem,” provide humor to assist
the strong narration.
The writer demonstrates precise control of language and cleverly weaves descriptors
into the essay: “noble qualities,” “non-stuffed, loving rabbit,” “mournful day,” and “my
mom said plainly.” Similes [“my words ran together like paint in water”] strengthen the
writer’s style.
This essay exemplifies strong and consistent control of composition skills in the narrative
mode.
Page 17
WRITING
NARRATIVE WRITING PROMPT
FINAL COPY
If you need additional space, please continue on the next page.
GO ON
Page 18
WRITING
Composition Score 3
This writer maintains a clear controlling theme [caring for “a kitten named Stella”] and
demonstrates a general awareness of the narrative mode. The essay is not organized in a
strict chronological pattern but rather examines experiences involved in caring for Stella
over time. It employs a beginning period [“Once a couple of years ago”], a middle period
[“I had many responsibilities”], and an ending period [“I had alot of fun”], making a
final reference to the desire to have another cat in the future.
Details are often elaborated. For example, instead of simply stating “The cat slept in my
mom’s bed,” the writer adds “because it was the biggest and warmest.” The personal
detail of fighting with his/her brother over where the cat slept helps to maintain the
narrative tone.
This essay exemplifies adequate control of composition skills in the narrative mode.
Page 19
WRITING
FINAL COPY
Composition Score 2
This composition is written from a personal point of view, but an inconsistent
sequencing of events is evidenced by the shift in tense from simple past [“One time
I had to”] to present [“And she likes to ”]. There is not a clear conclusion to the story.
The composition reverts to a list of things the writer does with his/her cousin—“I
fed her,” “likes to play video games with me,” and “help her learn ABC’s”—none
of which are developed enough to give the reader more than a vague impression of
the speaker, the cousin, or the events being described. The abundant use of “I” and
“she” interferes with the development of a successful narrative tone.
This essay exemplifies limited control of composition skills in the narrative mode.
GO ON
Page 20
WRITING
FINAL COPY
Composition Score 1
There is little evidence that the writer responded to the intended prompt. The brief
story line visits the experience of selecting a dog or a cat and being disappointed by
the results. The writer shows minimal awareness of the narrative task. There are no
details, reasons, or examples to expand the experience.
This essay exemplifies little or no control of composition skills in the narrative mode.
GO ON
Page 21
WRITING
PSSA Informational Scoring Guideline
Focus
Content
Development
Sharp, distinct controlling point made about a single topic with evident awareness of task
and audience.
Substantial, relevant, and illustrative content that demonstrates a clear understanding
of the purpose. Thorough elaboration with effectively presented information consistently
supported with well-chosen details.
Organization
Effective organizational strategies and structures, such as logical order and transitions,
which develop a controlling idea.
Style
Precise control of language, stylistic techniques, and sentence structures that creates a
consistent and effective tone.
Focus
Content
Development
Organization
Style
Focus
Content
Development
Organization
Clear controlling point made about a single topic with general awareness of task and
audience.
Adequate, specific, and/or illustrative content that demonstrates an understanding of the
purpose. Sufficient elaboration with clearly presented information supported with wellchosen details.
Organizational strategies and structures, such as logical order and transitions, which
develop a controlling idea.
Appropriate control of language, stylistic techniques, and sentence structures that creates
a consistent tone.
Vague evidence of a controlling point made about a single topic with an inconsistent
awareness of task and audience.
Inadequate, vague content that demonstrates a weak understanding of the purpose.
Underdeveloped and/or repetitive elaboration with inconsistently supported information.
May be an extended list.
Inconsistent organizational strategies and structures, such as logical order and transitions,
which ineffectively develop a controlling idea.
Style
Limited control of language and sentence structures that creates interference with tone.
Focus
Little or no evidence of a controlling point made about a single topic with a minimal
awareness of task and audience.
Content
Development
Organization
Style
Minimal evidence of content that demonstrates a lack of understanding of the purpose.
Superficial, undeveloped writing with little or no support. May be a bare list.
Little or no evidence of organizational strategies and structures, such as logical order and
transitions, which inadequately develop a controlling idea.
Minimal control of language and sentence structures that creates an inconsistent tone.
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WRITING
Informational Writing Prompt
writing prompt:
Think of someone who has made a difference in your life. Write an
essay that explains how this person has affected your life.
Plan
Before you write:
outlining.
Write
As you write:




Maintain a clear and consistent position or claim.
Include specific details; use examples and reasons to support your ideas.
Use a variety of well-constructed, complete sentences.
Use a logical organization with an obvious introduction, body, and conclusion.
Proofread
After you write:
 Do the point of view and tone of the essay remain consistent?
errors.
GO ON
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WRITING
INFORMATIONAL WRITING PROMPT
FINAL COPY
GO ON
Page 24
WRITING
Composition Score 4
This essay has a sharp and distinct controlling point about how life has changed in the
writer’s household since the arrival of a little sister. The writer shows awareness of task
[“Ever since my sister . . . came around” and “there has been a lot more laughing also”].
The information throughout the essay is effectively presented with well-chosen details—
“She screams as loud as she possibly can when she sees me,” “help by getting the mail,”
and “I even empty the dishwasher”—and smooth transitions at each new paragraph [“It
has also been” and “Now that Emma is around”]. Similes [“running around the house
like an angry bull, running for a red blanket”] and humor [“whenever we want to go out
to dinner we have to go to a kid friendly place. So almost every night we stay home”] are
successfully implemented and show an attention to the audience.
This essay exemplifies strong and consistent control of composition skills in the
informational mode.
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WRITING
FINAL COPY
GO ON
Page 26
WRITING
INFORMATIONAL WRITING PROMPT (continued)
FINAL COPY
Compostition Score 3
This essay has a strong controlling point about the difference the writer’s mother
has made in his/her life. The single topic is maintained with paragraphs devoted
to examples of lessons the mother has taught about fighting, siblings, reading, and
studying. The essay contains sufficient elaboration through specific details: “books
with wonderful stories about life in the olden days,” “even straight A students
study,” “her rules and advice will come in handy some day,” and “My children will
learn all of this too.” The writer demonstrates an appropriate control of language.
This essay exemplifies adequate control of composition skills in the informational
mode.
AFTER YOU HAVE CHECKED YOUR WORK, CLOSE THIS WRITING
BOOKLET SO YOUR TEACHER WILL KNOW YOU ARE FINISHED.
Page 27
WRITING
FINAL COPY
Composition Score 2
This essay demonstrates only vague evidence of a controlling point. The content
focuses on the writer’s premature birth rather than on the brother and how he
made a difference in the writer’s life. The introduction of the brother is interrupted
by a regression about being born early and being attached to a heart monitor, and
then the essay somewhat abruptly concludes in the present day when the writer is
happy to go outside and run with friends. The writer’s style is limited by repetitive
sentence structures, often presented consecutively: the first two sentences begin
with “My brother made a difference” and the last two both say “I am happy.”
This essay exemplifies limited control of composition skills in the informational
mode.
GO ON
Page 28
WRITING
FINAL COPY
Composition Score 1
This essay shows minimal awareness of task. The essay has minimal content;
the reader knows the mom took the writer to buy new clothes and a bed, but no
supporting details are provided to place this information in context. There is no
evidence of organizational strategies or structures. No tone or style is created as only
minimal language skills are used.
This essay exemplifies little or no control of composition skills in the informational
mode.
GO ON
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WRITING
PSSA Persuasive Scoring Guideline
Focus
Content
Development
Organization
Sharp, distinct controlling point presented as a position and made convincing through
a clear, thoughtful, and substantiated argument with evident awareness of task and
audience.
Substantial, relevant, and illustrative content that demonstrates a clear understanding of
the purpose. Thoroughly elaborated argument that includes a clear position consistently
supported with precise and relevant evidence. Rhetorical (persuasive) strategies are
evident.
Effective organizational strategies and structures, such as logical order and transitions, to
develop a position supported with a purposeful presentation of content.
Style
Precise control of language, stylistic techniques, and sentence structures that creates a
consistent and effective tone.
Focus
Clear controlling point presented as a position and made convincing through a credible and
substantiated argument with general awareness of task and audience.
Content
Development
Organization
Style
Focus
Content
Development
Organization
Adequate, specific and/or illustrative content that demonstrates an understanding of the
purpose. Sufficiently elaborated argument that includes a clear position supported with
some relevant evidence. Rhetorical (persuasive) strategies may be evident.
Organizational strategies and structures, such as logical order and transitions, to develop a
position supported with sufficient presentation of content.
Appropriate control of language, stylistic techniques, and sentence structures that creates
a consistent tone.
Vague evidence of a controlling point presented as a position that may lack a credible and/
or substantiated argument with an inconsistent awareness of task and audience.
Inadequate, vague content that demonstrates a weak understanding of the purpose.
Insufficiently elaborated argument that includes an underdeveloped position supported with
little evidence.
Inconsistent organizational strategies and structures, such as logical order and transitions,
to develop a position with inadequate presentation of content.
Style
Limited control of language and sentence structures that creates interference with tone.
Focus
Little or no evidence of a controlling point presented as a position that lacks a credible and/
or substantiated argument with minimal awareness of task and audience.
Content
Development
Organization
Style
Minimal evidence of content that demonstrates a lack of understanding of the purpose.
Unelaborated argument that includes an undeveloped position supported with minimal or
no evidence.
Little or no evidence of organizational strategies and structures, such as logical order and
transitions, to develop a position with insufficient presentation of content.
Minimal control of language and sentence structures that creates an inconsistent tone.
Page 30
WRITING
Persuasive Writing Prompt
writing prompt:
Think about the four seasons. Choose which season is your favorite.
Write an essay that persuades your classmates to agree with you.
Plan
Before you write:
outlining.
Write
As you write:




Maintain a clear and consistent position or claim.
Include specific details; use examples and reasons to support your ideas.
Use a variety of well-constructed, complete sentences.
Use a logical organization with an obvious introduction, body, and conclusion.
Proofread
After you write:
 Do the point of view and tone of the essay remain consistent?
errors.
GO ON
Page 31
WRITING
PERSUASIVE WRITING PROMPT
FINAL COPY
GO ON
Page 32
WRITING
PERSUASIVE WRITING PROMPT (continued)
FINAL COPY
Composition Score 4
This writer has developed a sharp and distinct controlling point [“winter”]. The
choice is made convincing through a clear, thoughtful, and substantiated argument.
The essay’s organizational structure is logical [“because it is the season when there
are snow days, snow, and Christmas and New Year’s”], and the use of transitions
at the beginning of each paragraph [“One of the reasons” and “But the best part”]
allows the writer to develop a clear position with a purposeful presentation. The
writer’s awareness of purpose, task, and audience is evident in his/her use of details:
“building a fort,” “have a snowball fight,” and “my sister and I get alot of presents
that day.” Personal experiences [“you get to climb up and ride down all over again”]
add a persuasive element, as do sensory descriptions—“the whoosh of air when I go
down a steep slope” and “steaming hot chocolate.” The writer maintains an effective
conversational tone throughout the essay [“This game is sure to keep you on your
toes” and “That has to be alot of fun”]. Persuasive strategies are also evident in the
use of rhetorical questions [“Who couldn’t agree?” and “Don’t you too?”].
This essay exemplifies strong and consistent control of composition skills in the
persuasive mode.
Page 33
WRITING
FINAL COPY
GO ON
Page 34
WRITING
Composition Score 3
This writer presents a clear controlling point [“summer”] and remains on topic for the
entire essay. Each paragraph concentrates on the strengths of the season, and each has
its own transitional, introductory, and/or controlling sentence [“Let’s say you go to the
beach” or “Now I have one more thing”]. Content is specific, and the details appeal
to the reader’s senses [“stickness on your legs,” “smell the warm sea salty air,” and
“sweet and tangy strawberrys”]. Combined, these demonstrate the writer’s appropriate
control of language and the ability to create a consistent tone. The writer’s style, along
with the strong examples of the scents, textures, and tastes of summer, helps to create a
persuasive argument.
This essay exemplifies adequate control of composition skills in the persuasive mode.
Page 35
WRITING
FINAL COPY
Composition Score 2
This writer clearly states a position [“My favorite season is summer”] but only
vaguely substantiates that position. The essay is merely a list of things that someone
can do in the summer [“You can have a family picnic or cookout,” and “You can
play with frends or family”]. There is no order or structure to the essay other than
the introductory sentence. Most sentences could be reordered without changing
the overall meaning of the passage. The repetitive sentence structure [“You can”]
interferes with fluency and fails to demonstrate language control. There is no
obvious conclusion.
This essay exemplifies limited control of composition skills in the persuasive mode.
GO ON
Page 36
WRITING
FINAL COPY
Composition Score 1
This writer states a favorite season [“summer”] but does not substantiate or
elaborate on this position. There is minimal evidence of content or an understanding
of how to create a persuasive essay. Sentences contain unrelated ideas [“Summer
can make plant go (grow), and you can get tan”] and stand alone as isolated and
undeveloped details.
The sentences and sentence fragment demonstrate minimal control of language and
sentence structures.
This essay exemplifies little or no control of composition skills in the persuasive
mode.
GO ON
Page 37
WRITING
PSSA Conventions Scoring Guideline
Thorough control of sentence formation.
Few errors, if any, are present in grammar, usage, spelling, and punctuation,
but the errors that are present do not interfere with meaning.
Adequate control of sentence formation.
Some errors may be present in grammar, usage, spelling, and punctuation, but
few, if any, of the errors that are present may interfere with meaning.
Limited and/or inconsistent control of sentence formation. Some sentences
may be awkward or fragmented
Many errors may be present in grammar, usage, spelling, and punctuation, and
some of those errors may interfere with meaning.
Minimal control of sentence formation. Many sentences are awkward and
fragmented.
Many errors may be present in grammar, usage, spelling, and punctuation, and
many of those errors may interfere with meaning.
Page 38
WRITING
FINAL COPY
GO ON
Page 39
WRITING
PERSUASIVE WRITING PROMPT (continued)
FINAL COPY
Conventions Score 4
This essay demonstrates skill in all elements of conventions. A variety of sentence
structures are used throughout the essay. The writer’s use of parenthetical expressions,
questions, and introductory clauses offers diversity in the presentation of ideas.
The essay contains fragments [“Nothing to worry about”], but they are used
deliberately and for effect. This writer has full command of usage, grammar, spelling,
and mechanics. Two mechanical errors—a missing question mark and a missed
apostrophe—represent minor oversights in this essay.
This essay exemplifies strong and consistent control of all elements of conventions.
Page 40
WRITING
FINAL COPY
GO ON
Page 41
WRITING
NARRATIVE WRITING PROMPT (continued)
FINAL COPY
Conventions Score 3
This essay shows adequate control of conventions. The writer uses quotation marks
effectively in dialogue and uses commas correctly in dialogue, items in a series, and
introductory clauses. There are errors in spelling [“strait,” “wispered,” and “bead”
for bed]; a consistent error is neglecting to double the final consonant on some verbs:
hopped is written as “hoped,” jetted as “jeted,” and stopped as “stoped.” Grammar
errors, such as “most beautifulest,” do not interfere with meaning.
Many things are skillfully done. Some errors appear to be from speed of writing and
lack of proofreading rather than from a lack of ability.
This essay exemplifies adequate control of all elements of conventions.
Page 42
WRITING
FINAL COPY
Conventions Score 2
This essay’s eight sentences demonstrate limited control of conventions. Quotation
marks are not used; commas do not separate introductory clauses and asides. Errors,
such as writing “I want to something completely different” rather than “I want to
do something completely different,” interrupt the flow of the essay. There are many
spelling errors. While many of these do not interfere with meaning, there are errors
in all elements of conventions.
This essay exemplifies limited control of all elements of conventions.
GO ON
Page 43
WRITING
FINAL COPY
Conventions Score 1
This essay represents a minimal control of conventions. A period is used at the end
of the writing sample, but none are used within the text, which suggests a weak
sense of sentence formation. There is no separation of periods and capital letters
between any of the five thoughts presented. Errors such as “holde in tirey wrold”
cause the reader to stop and translate the phrase to “whole entire world.”
This essay exemplifies little or no control of the elements of conventions.
GO ON
Page 44
Page 45
Copyright ©2005 by the Pennsylvania Department of Education. The materials contained in this publication
may be duplicated by Pennsylvania educators for local classroom use. This permission does not extend to
the duplication of materials for commericial use.

Grade 5 Writing Sample - Warrior Run School District

Transcription

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