childhood edition - Monash University Research Repository

Ice in Ui
VOLUME x:(y(viii EDITION 9
S|^\
print post approved pp33|685/00006
childhood edition
© Monash Student Association (Clayton) Incorporated (MSA). Lot’s Wife is published on behalf of MSA. All enquiries about the
reproduction and communication of material from Lot’s Wife should be directed to MSA.
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Note: The first half of the paper is non-CAF (Compulsory
Amenities Fee) funded and contains material at the editors'
discretion. The second half of the paper is CAF funded and
subject to the VSU legislation.
In the Nan-CA? half:
11. V/holefoods vs. The MSA
11. Repercussions from The Student Elections
12. Envirowatch
13. All the info on the recent occupation of Administration.
CREDITS
Editors
Sub-Editors
Dan Celm
Michelle Davies
Chris King
VISUAL ARTS:
Advertising
Daniel C e l m
Typesetting
Tamsin Molesworth
Michelle Davies
Chris King
D a n Celm
The Crew:
These people managed to avoid
the potential candidates and mode
it in to the office to be of great assistance and have a bloody good
time with us: Alysso, Beau Zlatkovic,
Slatts, O z a n , Micky C r o s s l a n d ,
TrayC Richter, Matt Ford, Jeremy
King, A n d r e w Saunders, Kenny
McA,Liwy, Jeremy Ton, Mia Treacy,
Sophie (Marty Monster), Jess Stokes,
Ben (Stogie Boy) and Macca at the
bar who kept up our spirits and, of
course, our resident cartoonists,
Duncan Yardley and Darby Hudson
('cos they do shit-hot covers). Will
"Not Bowes" Fowles. And to Andy J
(thanks for the phone call Darl).
19. Childhood Section featuring top tens, "Child
Soldiers", "Did you have a proper childhood?", "Kids
are Harsh" and much more.
35. Travel Tips for Israel
37. Music Predictions for 1999
38. Sepultura Interview
40. Reviews, Reviews, Reviews, Reviews
45. Sport! Yes Sport!
47. Troutman
Asha Holmes
NEWS:
Jen Cas
Kathryn James
ENTERTAINMENT:
Claire H a m m o n d
PERFORMING ARTS:
M e g a n Pearson
Plus:
Music:
A n d r e w James
Anthony Brasher
Luke Oliver
M u n c h M e , Bundaberg Photo Page, Letters, MSA Reports, Top Ten, Cartoons, Lot's O n , Quizzes, Prizes,
Idol Gossip, Single a n d Desperate, N o 'Activities Report', a n d N o Reason W h y Pender Should Ever C o m plain A g a i n , the Lazy B u m .
SPORT:
M a r c Jongebloed
Richard Johnson
INFO TECH:
Ronny Liew
Keith Kendall
Leslie Liew
$
- ^
CREATIVE WRITING:
Helena Sverdlin
Editorial Policy
INTERNET:
Lol's Wife in 1993 has no( published any material that was
sexist, racist, homophobic or militaristic (okay so maybe
some ofthot). We hove, however, published a lot of crap,
usually our own, but mostly Malcolm Barr's, If you've been
offended by any of the content this yeor, please feel free to
bite us. If you have hod problem with the lack of editions
and space^his year, coll the VC and ask for a budget
increase for next year. You'll hove fuck oil chance, but give
it a whirl anyway.We understond some criticism is good, but
you people toke it too for, Dan's even had a cry. Lot's Wife
is on MSA publication and is printed by our motes at
Westernpofi Printing, none of whom hove bod hair-cuts,
hate the colour blue, criticise our work or demand our
resignations, Ihonks guys.
Oliver Daly
a-
FooTY TIPPING CO-ORDINATOR:
Jacy C u l i u m
"-b"'
^
VOLUNTEER CO-ORDINATOR:
Emma Hunt
k!l*idili!dldM*:^l
Oooo waahhhh. you re gonna gel in trouble
In the GiJ^ h a l f :
liBissssiaaiRR^Ea
pages
letten to the editon
'•«»«a«.»'»
Finishing right where we
started: Eng-bashlng.
Dear Lot's,
Since this is the last edition for 1998,1
thought I'd finish the year the same
way I started it: bagging the engineers.
As an Arts student, I feel it's my duty
to reveal to the rest of the student body
the shortcomings of the engineers.
While talking to the president of MESS
(Monash Engineering Students
Society), I was amused to hear him
say in a wistful voice, "Oh, to be
literate." Hmmmm, says a lot about
engineering...
Another engineering student, a second
year Chemical Eng boy asked me,
"Reading? What's reading?" Oh,
dear...
Earlier this year, I was in a C3r with an
engineer who proclaimed as we drove
past a hole in the ground, "One day,
when I finish engineering, I'm gonna'
dig a big hole like that!"
Stollies and Crownies were advertised
on posters, yet once you got your coat
away there were none left. Another
night of beer, wine and softdrink. If not
on alcohol, where could the $56 have
gone? But wait, there's more; after the
ball finished you were confronted with
a three hour wait while your black
jacket was distinguished from the notso-black jacket, causing you to miss
the after party. Indeed the theme,
"enchantment under the sea" quickly
became a case for "bait" advertising.
This is not a whinge for a whinge's
sake. This was supposed to be the
flagship social event of one of
Monash's richest societies. This was
the 1998 Monash LSS Law Ball. No
explanations have yet been put forth
for the fuck ups, nor have there been
any apologies. Why is this not
surprising?
Disappointed and Disgruntled
Ruling with an iron Fish
Dear Lot's,
I also spent several hours recently
painting Activities' event details on the
concrete with an engineer. He
discovered a little too late that 'among'
was not spelt 'amoung', and 'dining',
not 'dinning'!
Hmmmm, is it just me, or do these
comments speak volumes about the
boys in the engineering faculty? Eng
sux. Arts students rule! ©
Jo Groves
Arts II
The Most Successfui
Bail of Ali Time?
Dear Lot's,
Tickets were $56 yet there was no
meal. Stollies were advertised yet were
not adequately supplied. Cloakroom
provided, but not enough hangers or
staff. Dear oh dear, how could one ball
go so incredibly wrong? The night went
something like this: When you arrived
there was a forty-minute wait for the
cloakroom because there were only
two staff and a dozen hangers.
Perfectly adequate for 950 people.
WR
page 6
Firstly, I would like to thank all the fans
that attended the first Iron Fish fan club
meeting. It was a great success. An
executive was appointed and Iron Fish
memorabilia was exchanged. Now I
have a complete collection of Iron Fish
palm cards!
I became quite excited when I read
Iron Fish's letter in Edition 7 of Lot's. It
is rewarding to know that he has
noticed my desperate attempts to
make contact, particularly considering
I spent so much time on the giant Lego
garden gnome.
However if we are to get together, as
the Iron Fish suggested, he must
realise that I am not into open
relationships. Drawing faces on other
girls' stomachs is fine, but kinky
business in toilet cubicles will not be
tolerated (unless it's with me of
course).
I look forward to your attendance at
our Christmas Party Iron Fish. Finally
we can meet face to face and my
identity can be revealed!
Obsessed
President of Iron Fish Fan Club
Lot's Wife 1998:
What a Bunch of Arsei
It's Nice to Be
important...
Dear Lot's,
Dear Lot's,
We wanted to thank you for this, your
final edition in 1998. However, I feel
that the three of you as editors are
likely to take the credit for this thankyou, and we don't want that to be the
case.
We would like to thank everyone who
helped us out during the grueling
student elections. It was a long and
hard campaign and we couldn't have
done it without everybody's input whether you slogged it out on campus
during election week, or played a
supportive role, we would like to thank
you.
If the truth be told, your efforts as editors contributed to only a minor portion of the paper. Let's face it, Chris
Tomkins was your sensei and without
his help at the start of the year, we sincerely doubt that there would have
been a paper. As for your typesetting
capabilities, we could always tell which
part of the paper was done by you
through process of elimination. Anything that looked half decent was obviously the work of your typesetter,
Tamsin Molesworth.
As for hard work on the job, don't make
me laugh. A majority of your year was
spent either sleeping in or at the Bar.
If it wasn't for the work of your subeditors and volunteers, especially your
volunteer co-ordinator, Em Hunt, no
edition would have ever been finished.
And what of all the promises from the
@!pha campaign? A health series, jobhunting information. Lot's on the net,
the "Uganda for Gold" Commonwealth
Games campaign and an improved
sports section in general; and Where's
my fuckin' CD-rom? If you couldn't deliver, why promise in the first place?
Were you scared of your tough opposition (Eng students block vote, you
know)?
Despite these shortcomings, we regrettably concede that it was a fun year
(though we happen to know that much
of the amusement was provided
thanks to the United Distillers deal
struck by Dave Buchler, and the kind
generosity of Ben from the Bar).
Claire, Ozan andAstia
Dear Lot's,
Thanks to all those who voted in this
year's MSA elections. Voting was up
this year by over 25%, reflecting the
growing number of students who wish
to participate in the democratic
processes of their student union.
BiTE thanks all of you who supported
our campaign. It was heartening to see
so many students carefully weigh up
the policies of all tickets running and
ask questions of candidates.
BiTE office bearers and committee
members elect are committed to
involving, informing, and inspiring the
Monash community and to restoring
credibility to both the election process
and the MSA. The MSA of 1999 will
be one of increased accountability and
transparency, and will demonstrate a
firm commitment to student control of
student affairs.
In implementing the platforms on
which we were elected, we look
fonward to the continued support and
involvement of the student body, for
the role of a student union is not simply
to work for students, but also to work
with students.
Yours in solidarity,
BiTE 1998
We wish next year's editors all the
best, but are sure they will do a good
job; better than your crap, anyway!
With Pride,
A Different Ctiris,
Dan and lUichelle
I hafta go to the toiii-let
.. .But It's Important
to Be Nice
TTie Big Issues
Now for ttie Exciting
Student Election Letters
Navigating ttie Way
to Your BITE
Dear Lot's,
Dear Lot's,
Dear Lot's
Dear Lot's,
I was wondering If students on this
campus know the meaning of the word
'thank-you'. Do people realise that
Green Week, the union nights, cellar
nights, comedy events, band
competition, this paper, radio shows
on 3MU, etc that are provided for them
actually involve a great deal of time,
effort and work? There's a large group
of students that work nearty every day
to bring events like the union nights,
etc, or things like Lot's Wife, 3MU, and
so on to the Monash Student body,
and it's amazing the thanks they don't
receive.
So we've just had another uni election
week with all sorts of proposals put to
us. I thought I'd suggest just a few
more (sigh) that were not addressed,
yet are as equally relevant, that the
winning party may like to address:
I was absolutely appalled by the
manner in which one particular party
(which shall go unnamed) conducted
themselves during election week.
Their morals were virtually nonexistent. They brought students from
Melbourne Uni to harass students from
other political affiliations, in one case,
reducing a student to tears, and then
still continued the verbal battering on
her. Not only was the student attacked
for her political standing, but the
Melbourne student attacked her on a
personal level, and attacked her
credibility! This person continued until
being dragged away by a friend. Not
only was this behavior irhmoral, it was
down right harassment!
We the Navs, a Christian group, have
copped flack over our support of Bite
in the recent student elections. So why
did we do it?
You'd think that someone handing out
free beer, no strings attached would
receive a thankyou from one or two of
the hundreds of people taking the
beer. Or maybe they just wouldn't get
abused, but apparently not. As one of
the executive committee in Activities,
I'm one of those people that gives up
their time to do these things. I realise
this is my choice, and that I don't have
to do it if I don't like it; I do like it. It
would just be nice to hear a bit of
appreciation. Or has everyone totally
forgotten their manners?
Activities II
$pelllng Bee:
The second semester mid-semester
break: remember when it used to be
two weeks and came about a month
before the end of semester and was
actually long enough to have a break
and to do some study (if you got around
to it)? What happened? It doesn't seem
like a break anymore, just a week for
mad, intensive study catching up on
what you (read: 99% of students) didn't
do during semester. Too bad if you're
exhausted from ten weeks of classes
to actually work!
The ducks in the pond outside the Sir
Louis Matheson (main) library:
whatever happened to them? Putting
aside the alien conspiracy theories, is
it possible that they just did not like their
new upgraded home (well it doesn't
quite have that communal look of old)
and decided to pack up and move
elsewhere (ie. the already crowded
pond near the Halls of Residence)? Or
were they forcibly evicted, the victims
of university funding cuts? Bring them
back!
People say that there can be no ethics
in politics. I say why not? We are all
students, we are all human and we are
fighting for a better cause. This party
seems to have forgotten that!!!!
For that revolutionary party out there,
I have a message for you. If you really
want a better world for all of us out
there, you should start by taking a good
hard look at yourselves, and practice
what you preach. It really BITES
doesn't it?
RE: Continued Spelling Mistakes,
attention is drawn to your flagrant
opposition to the new corporate
destiny of Mona$h.
Navs is political because Jesus was
political. Being non-political makes no
sense if you care about people who
are being hurt by the structures of
society For the record, not everyone
in Navs agrees with every point of
Bite's platform - abortion for one - but
we believe that there are issues of
justice involved in this election which
transcend the party political game of
student politics.
Anuja Kumar
Matt Bell
On behalf of Navigators
Tabatha Pettitt
Science/Law 5
Dear Lot's,
Because as much as we understand
our faith, being political seems to be
part of what following Jesus means to
us today at Monash Uni. Political
liberation gave birth to the Christian
religion (and Jewish and Muslim for
that matter). The story of the Jews'
escape from slavery, as deschbed in
the eartiest written book of the bible Exodus, was the event that began my
religion. Christianity has politics
engraved within its founding heart. And
Jesus as the central person of
Christianity was a political activist. As
a peaceful protestor he died a 'prisoner
of conscience'.
For all ttie Cows
Dear Lot's,
Your continued use of the now
redundant (voluntary early retirement)
spelling of Monash does nothing for
you cause.
In future, please ensure your
publication complies with the vicechancellor's directive and see that the
new spelling, that is, once again,
MONASH. is adhered to.
End of transmission.
Steve
Eco VI
I know this doesn't have much to do
with anything, but I think its time we
set aside some time to appreciate the
brilliance of cows, and indeed what
cows can do for all humankind. It's
quite a simple philosophy and one that
arguably leans towards the far side of
gitdom, but hey, we've all got to stand
for something.
Yours Moofully,
OOCow
Intelligence Operative for the COW
Movement
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page?
# ^ w ^ Ictten to the cditon
^
''Aj^a**"*''
Hang on,
You're not Gov Ryan
Dear LoVs,
I was disappointed to read Mel
McGrath's letter (Send in the Hacks)
in the last edition. Comments such as
those made by Mel do little more than
demean an electoral process, which
already lacks credibility in the eyes of
students. Nor do they contribute to
informed debate about the issues.
I would like to contextualise some of
these remarks, because as Mel herself
notes, "election time is notorious for
drawing out hypocrisy wherever it
resides." Danni was elected to the
Education Affairs Committee (EAC) for
1998, but as Mel knows (or should,
being chair of EAC), Danni deferred
from University in first semester due
to ill health.
As for the Welfare Committee, Mel is
right, Danni did not attend any
meetings. Why? Because the Welfare
Officer did not call any 11 can't help but
wonder why Mel neglected to mention
this. With regard to the Arts Faculty
Board, Danni has attended four of the
six meetings held. Mel, a paid office
bearer with responsibility for education
issues, attended none of those four,
and thus can have attended no more
than two. Yes, Mel was right, it seems
elections are synonymous with
hypocrisy.
Andrew Saunders
Arts/Law VI
Save the Planet...
Starting witti Monasti
Dear Lot's
Almost three quarters through the year
it may seem a tittle weird for us to be
introducing ourselves as your
Environment Coordinators. Well that's
because we've just been employed!
After much rallying done by the
Monash Environment Group (extra
special thanks going to Will Symons,
Kelly Adams and Wilma Mc Goldrick),
MSA thankfully allocated funding
towards a position of 18 hours a week
for 15 weeks (8 weeks of this year and
7 weeks into next year).
Some of the issues we hope to
address are: using nice, soft, postconsumer waste toilet paper (currently
that abhorrently scratchy one is made
by Kimberly Clark who log Otways
National Park), more photocopiers in
the libraries that use recycled paper,
more sustainable avenues for
departments to operate within, a BYO
mug scheme more widely used, and
a raising of the level of awareness
about environmental issues to all
students.
At present we are in the Transport and
Wholefoods Restaurant office
(upstairs in the Union past
Wholefoods). The environmental
movement is an exciting one to be a
part of, so get involved!
Fionna Thiessen & Elya Tagar
NOWSA Wowser
Dear Lots,
This letter is in reply to the gripe (Lot's
Edition 8) regarding the Monash
Collective's NOWSA bid at this year's
NOWSA conference. I don't wish to
retaliate with the version of the story I
believe, which is contrary to the
interpretation offered in the last edition,
because I think we could continue
arguing forever.
Instead, I want to express my
frustration over how quickly
conceptions of (dare I say it)
sisterhood degenerate when there is
something to gain for a particular
group. Solidarity, I guess, is only so
deep. Time taken to work together still
appears a far off reality. While I realise
this sounds hopelessly idealistic,
bickering over which ideology can best
co-ordinate a NOWSA conference and
aid the understandings of feminist
Time of your life,
huh NIC?
issues seems incredibly hypocritical.
Four hundred women attended 1998's
NOWSA because they were curious
about what it could offer them in terms
of their understanding of feminist
issues, the friendships
and
connections they could form.
A
week
reveling
in
the
accomplishments and company of
some truly wonderful women. It is a
shame that for many, other agendas
blemished what could have been a
fantastic conference. Here's hoping
1999 NOWSA will be for the primary
function of improving women's
understandings of themselves as they
are in this world.
Bianca Lowe
WAC
Raise The Titanic
Dear Lot's,
There has been some recent concern
that Monash University has lost its soul
as a result of its recent collision with
an arts faculty iceberg. I have decided
to retrieve Monash's soul and I wish
to advise you of my recent success.
Monash's soul is in the local and wider
community and it has an obligation to
be of service to the general community
and not to support the powerful
professions and business elites to the
detriment of the local battler. The
University has lost input from the local
community and it should grab every
opportunity to set up any type of liaison
or
communication.
It
must
demonstrate a sensitivity to what the
consumers and clients of the
vocational professions and industry
require so that an efficient feedback
mechanism is set up.
Need I remind you that Pauline
Hanson initially gained much support
in the bush by her Wat Tyler-type of
promise to cut the useless universities
down to size. This should be a warning
to the corporatist university to always
ascertain what the markets need.
Malcolm Ban
Non-CAF Funded
pages
Non-CAF Funded
Non-CAF Funded _
Dear Lot's,
Having spent five years at this
University I have seen many changes,
be they aesthetic (more coloured
concrete), political (effects of the VSU
legislation), or policy based
(introduction of up-front fees,
devastating cuts to the Arts Faculty
because it's not "marketable").
So what is left for us, the student, for
whom this University actually exists.
What should we take away from our
time at Monash?
It is safe and easy to come to Monash,
consume your education, move
between classes, libraries and home,
be churned out, get a good job and
reminisce about free beer. We get a
degree from Monash, but ultimately,
this is just a piece of paper. Maybe it
will help us in the "real world", but
surely we should dig deeper.
We should question the knowledge
we've gained, challenge meritocracy
and understand that things are valueladen, subjective and inherently
political. We should take into the wider
society a critical mind and a desire to
achieve positive change at whatever
level we find ourselves. Above all, we
should never forgo an opportunity, in
or out of Monash, to be involved in
issues that effect us, to take a stand
and fight for what we believe in. Noon else will do this for you. That's what
I've learnt.
Nicole Rodger
Wholefoods: No One
Wins the War
Dear Lot's,
The SGM that was advertised in the
last edition of Lot's, the purpose of
which was to approve changes to the
constitution regarding Wholefoods, will
not go ahead.
E^SRSBSO
98, 99, 100- Ready or not, here I cnine
They say that inside all of us Is a trapped child.
I am lucky to be able to look back with great fondness on my childhood. It was an incredible
time, in whicti an over-active imagination was encouraged to flourish, obvlivious of Itie
realities of the surrounding world. Old trees became spaceships, boxes became elaborate
cubby-houses and Mr Suff leuppagus and I were like best friends. To me my father seemed
like a tiero who knew everything, and there was no problem too big that I couldn't find
solice in my mother's arms.
Iblking Footy
In the article, I wrote that the proposal
for Wholefoods to be approved by the
SGM had the in-principle support of
both the Friends of Wholefoods and
the MSB. That was true and I think it
might still be true. But the Friends of
Wholefoods have decided that
constitutional
protection
for
Wholefoods is no longer a priority
since there will be a ' W h o l e f o o d s
friendly' M S B next year. T h e Bite
officebearers have a commitment to
i m p l e m e n t i n g an u n c o n s t i t u t i o n a l ,
industrially unsound motion, so there
is apparently no point working together
with this y e a r ' s M S B . No surprise
really, as I was told during election
week, MSA hasn't done anything for
the past four years so it would be no
good for them to be credited with doing
something now.
Dear Lot's,
Just t h o u g h t I'd c o n g r a t u l a t e the
Monash Whites footy team on winning
the club eighteen premiership. Well
done boys!
If anyone cares, they'll have two teams
next year as they're heading for F
Grade. So, if you are interested, keep
your ears and eyes open in January.
Congratulations again Whites.
Lord
I still think my father's a champion, and I still find an incredible warmth in one of my
mother's hugs. But I no longer view the world as a giant playground, and I haven't spoken
to Mr Snuffleuppagus in a long time. I think I should; maybe I'll invite him over to my
spaceship at the bar for a beer sometime...
Dan
MONASH
DRIVING
SCHOOL
•
• LESSONS SEVEN DAYS A WEEK
• MANUAL OR AUTO
• PATIENT LADY ft GENT
INSTRUCTORS
• SPECUUISING IN OVERSEAS
CHANGE-OVER LICENCES
- OVER 30.000 SATISHED CLIENTS
Discounts for Students and Staff
Gillian
Davenport
MSA General Secretary
Regrettably, growing up is not as easy as that. Experiences bring knowledge, pain,
scepticism and the eventual realisation that you must learn to become independent. But
that Shouldn't mean that we allow the child to become totally trapped.
Testicles
Established 1961
I've resisted writing harsh letters about
Wholefoods previously this year
b e c a u s e I w a s c o m m i t t e d to
negotiating a viable outcome and I
knew such letters would jeopardise
that. Instead I suggested alternative
proposals, made compromises and
took the criticism. If others had done
the same we could have resolved the
Wholefoods situation this year.
Maybe I'm 'soft', or just excessively nostalgic, but I yearn tor the days when I had no
responsibilities and no knowledge of just how bad human beings, and the workJ, can be.
It seems that if there were any fairness to growing up, then at the age of six I would have
been told by my older brother that Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy are
all real, but that war, poverty, injustices and heartache are just stories made up to scare
little children.
9803 6184
6179
P H O N E : 9803
A while ago I wrote about the "real world", and there's a few things I'd like to clarify
University is an ivory tower, but that doesn't make the experiences you have here any
less real. Someone once said, 'life is not a rehearsal"; they were right. This is a part of
your life you will not be able to live over, but that doesn't mean the count-down is on until
you become your parents. What it does mean is that you should cherish every minute
here. The vast majority of students come to get a degree in order to better their chances
at a career upon leaving. And everybody has to leave at some stage, because university
is just a phase in of life. It cannot go on forever, So while you're here, enjoy the free beer,
academic stimulation and the chance to participate in a vast number of experiences. It fs
an unfortunate fact of life that as you accumulate years, you also accumulate
responsibilities. If you want to be a child forever, fine, but never forget that you are not
alone on this planet. 'Vour actions affect others. Remember too, that you are an individual.
Lot's Wife is a brilliant institution and I have loved every minute of my lime as an editor.
One thing I've learnt is that "you can never please all the people all the time", but that
doesn't detract fmm what is essentially a learning experience. Budget cuts suck, but you
get past that when you realise that money doesn't make the paper, the contributors do.
Monash is lucky to have a diverse talent pool that can cater for everyone. People have
written on a plethora of subjects in order to create a paper that any student can pick up
and find something relevant. And that"s what if s all about, because Monash is made up of
the many, not the few. Thanks for making my year such an experience.
Chris
Childhood. Those were the days. No worries, no responsibilities. In the same way that it
is easy to fondly recall childhood experiences, so too. in the future, it will be easy to
romanticize my memories of Lot's Wife. Excuse me while I indulge in expressing my
'relationship' with Lot's which may be of little interest to most people... but I'd like to.
Editing Lot's Wife 1998 has been incredible - much better than studying. I've laughed.
I've learnt heaps. I've reached levels of stress that I didn't know I could cope with. I've
worthed. I've cried. And then I've laughed a whole lot more and had the best experience
of my lite. So here I am, ending Lofs and about to begin a great deal of relaxation.
There are many people that I'd like to thank. First of all, my co-editors Chris and Dan.
Despite the fact that the three of us are as equally stubborn and argumentative as each
other, I have developed friendships with these crazy guys that 1 will always cherish. I also
have a great deal of admiration and respect for them both, which might surprise them.
Thanks for being fucking hilarious.
I would also like to thank our dedicated sub-editors and lay-outers without whom Lofs
wouldn't be possible - also every person who made a contribution (no matter how 'minor')
because it made a difference. My parents have provided me with a great deal of support
and excellent advice, as have many of my friends, especially Kanela, Sophie, Jenny and
Beau,
Well here it is - the bitter end. The moment I've been waiting tor and the moment I've
been dreading. Good luck with your exams, have a great holiday, and I hope you liked
Lofs 98. Thanks for a great year.
Michelle
msB
Dan picks his nose and rubs it in the dirt
a«51i^=sl.T-t«,.'niVyc^*r*.~V7r
page 9
NEWS
ADMIN BUILDING
GETS OCCUPIED
At 1 pm on Wednesday, September 23,
as part of the campaign against cuts to
university courses, students stormed
and occupied the Administration Building at Monash. A window was smashed
on the bottom floor of the building and
about forty students moved to the top
floor, where the vice-chancellor's office
•is located, and occupied five rooms,
although not one with a toilet.
The remaining students held a rally outside Admin in support of those inside,
with a crpwd of several hundred gathering at one stage. Both Monash security personnel and about twenty-five
police quickly arrived on the scene. The
occupying students produced a list of
demands and announced that they
would not be leaving until these had
been met. Demands included;
The resignation of the vice-chancellor
Rejection of the blueprint to restructure the Arts faculty
Restoration of funding to departments which have been cut
Greater transparency in the restnjcturing process.
Down below, supporters chanted and
voiced their concerns about the cuts to
staff and 'course rationalisation', including the blueprint for changes to the Arts
faculty. Attempts to pass food and water up to the occupiers were halted by
the police.
gotiated with the occupiers giving them
the option to stay or leave. The students
opted to remain in the building overnight. Other students outside quickly began to arrange food for the occupiers,
as well as shelter for those supporting
outside. However at 9.30 pm, the police gave a two-minute warning and then
knocked down the door of the Admin
building, tearing it off its hinges. Most
of the occupiers left at this point, but
two opted to remain and were arrested.
Kathryn James
Over the afternoon, efforts were made
by police to dislodge the protesters, including an attempt to get through the
roof panels. However, this proved unsuccessful. At about 5 pm, police ne-
NEAL BAKf§^95
The last thing you ever want to write in
your year as editor of the student newspaper is the obituary of a friend. Neal
was a good fnend; a genuinely warm
person with a heart as big as Phar Lap's.
In his time at Monash he was always
involved in student affairs, especially in
various Clubs and Societies. I got to
know Neal through our mutual involvement in debating, where he was always
keen to participate, be it by debating,
adjudicating, helping with social events,
or running the footy-tipping competition
every year. With the Debaters Association of Victoria he was again a tireless
worker, mnning the University Competition, 'Challenge Cup'. Neal also helped
out with, and wrote for. Lot's Wife for
the entirity of his university career.
One of Neal's great passions was politics in which he was doing Honours. He
was an avid ALP supporter, and had
served on the executive of the Monash
Labor Club. His other great love was
jJfwMH^BL^j
page 10
football, especially his beloved Western
Bulldogs, whose proud, working-class,
underdog-battler status was well represented in Neal's personality. You always
got the feeling that if life had just given
Neal a few more free-kicks he would
have made the most of those opportunities.
On Thursday, 24'" September, Neal
Baker died after a battle with cancer. It
was a tough year for many, as we came
to grips with the fact that the health of
such a great person was deteriorating.
In spite of having fought his way through
more than forty operations in his life,
the cancer seemed too much even for
Neal.
The world lost one hell-of-a-nice guy,
and a true champion. His courage, angelic nature and inspirational qualities
are indescnbable but will live on in the
hearts of those fortunate enough to
have known him.
I missed your footy-tipping
competition this year, Neal;
and I'll never forget the
great words you said to me
last Christmas, nor the wonderful time I spent with you
and your family last New
Year's.
To Neal's parents, Graham,
Joan and his sister, Sally,
our hearts go out to you.
Neal, you were a great mate
and you will always be remembered with great respect and affection.
Dan Celm, on behalf of
Neal's many friends at
Monash
Non-CAF Funded
Irish Club
MiW
Part>^
20^^^ October
Monash Uni Bar
$3 Non-Members
Members Free
/'// be the mummy, and you can be the daddy
i>oinion$
JUST LIKE
VI
-FUCKING-NAM
WHDLEFDDDS VS THE MSA
Vietnam
Asian country with a history of conflict
and division. Seen to be haven for those
with "far left views."
History of conflict, both internal and
external.
Open conflict begins with suspicious
incident at the Gulf of Tonkin.
Becomes a battleground for t w o
opposing ideologies, each believing the
other to be the epitome of ev i I.
USA sends army in to protect (invade?)
the interests of those who live in
Vietnam.
Vietcong is fonned to combat the USA's
imperialism.
Incursions by the Vietcong lead to
increased hostilities and the deaths of
innocent victims.
Conflict drags on for longer than
expected. Civilian and army casualties
rise as conflict continues.
Huge victory for guerilla forces ensues
in the Tet Offensive, results in
capitulation by the American forces.
No real resolution of conflict.
Wholefoods
Vegetarian Restaurant with a history of
conflict and division. Seen to be a haven
for those with "far left views".
History of conflict both internal and
external.
Open conflict begins with suspicious
incident in MSB meeting late 1997.
Becomes a battleground for two
opposing ideologies, each believing the
other to be the epitome of evil.
MSA sends in MSB and paid workers to
protect the interests of the patrons of
Wholefoods.
Wholefoods collective forms Friends of
Wholefoods to combat MSA's "imperialism".
Friends of Wholefoods' actions leads to
disruption of restaurant and of patrons
and staff.
Conflict drags on for longer than
expected. Patrons, staff and students
become more irate.
Huge victory for The Friends of
Wholefoods ensues at the SGM, results
in the capitulation by the MSA.
No real resolution of conflict.
TEN THINGS YDU A I N ' T
SEE
GDNNA
IN THE STUDENT ASSDCIATIDN IN
1.
child-friendly policies.
Students have got to know about this one.
During election week, Biteput in a complaint
to the officials running the election about
another ticket's campaigner. The
campaigner was a baby. The baby is about
one year old and was being carried around
by her mum, who was wearing a campaign
t-shirt. The baby was wearing a badge.
When asked whether they would pay for
child care so the mother could campaign,
B/te campaigners were evasive. Nevermind
the fact that one of the most ardent
complainants is a current student rep who
has, supposedly, made child care one of
his central concerns for the year.
Wholefoods was Instantly cancelled after
the election at their request.
3.
A General Secretary.
Watch for that hibernation period from your
current Clubs and Societies President during
1999. Possibly around budget time.
4.
An Education Officer.
She'll either be out getting chai tea from
Wholefoods (as she did during the Arts
Faculty Board Meeting where votes where
taken on the Blueprint in her absence), or
she'll resign (as she did with her Welfare
Committee position last year). Alternatively,
she might permanently proxy her position to
some other poor stooge (as she did this year
with her Education Committee position).
6.
Unbroken panes of glass.
Unbroken anything.
Hope people saw the television footage of
new and groovy ways to wield a
sledgehammer. Modelled at Monash by
people you know in places you know. We
suggest that you keep an eye on the damage
bill and on who is forced to pay for it. Lofty
political intentions or mindless, hedonistic
damage? Enough said.
7.
Office-bearers wearing Jelio Biafra
"Tax Religion' t-shirts.
Faced with a GST already, the tax burden
may become much too oppressive for some
representatives particularly if it's on religion
(OK, it's obscure, but someone's got to get
it).
Nice to see people living their politics.
2.
The Wholefoods issue.
Yep, thank Christ this issue will never arise
again. Why? Well, after being around in
1998, it is no longer an election issue, so
who really gives a fuck about the old girl
any more? Fair-weather Friends of
Wholefoods? Funny how that SGM about
5.
Andrew 'Single Issue' Saunders.
Could someone please tell us who this
mysterious person is? Apparently he's the
terribly informed legal representative for
'Friends ofWholefoods'. Great drafting skills
after severalteen years in the Law School,
Andy. Oh, and he doesn't want to sign the
funding agreement.
8.
Cash.
Because when you promise everything to
everyone, finances become more than a
technicality. But hey, keep pouring cash into
the latte pit that is Wholefoods.
9.
Campaigns that focus on student issues.
Forget the Arts Faculty. Forget up-front fees.
1
^3 ^3 ^3
Watch all your amenities fee get pissed
against the wall as it is sent to the latest and
greatest crack-pot liberation front overseas.
People considered the 'Free Mumia Abu
Jamal' campaign run by these people a
couple of years ago to be something of a
joke. In 1999, it's pina coladas for old
Mumia (assuming he isn't dead). Mumia will
be living it up on a surf beach in Hawaii,
complete with a new Armani off-the
shoulder wetsuit ensemble thanks to your
amenities fees and their MSA.
10. Fun
If you find Arthur Miller's The Crucible a
vibrant, exciting setting, you'll love 'New
Salem' in MSA next year. Host Scheme,
Green Week, Orientation Campaigns...
anything involving beer or fun, or both, was
frowned on by Bite during election week
and will be scowled at in 1999 as well.
Yours with the utmost sincerity,
Laura Smyth in union with Sandra
Roennfeldl
fcf's Note: Good to see you're not bitter!
That's not fair, I want some loo
page 11
envirowatch
Endangered Marine Turtles Die in
Toxic Factory Waste
National Trapper's Association:
>»
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Aaaaaahhhhhhh tooooooooo bad. Tree
fall down, go boom.
Wayne Langman
>»
EarthFirst! Activist Killed in Forest
Protest
David Chain, an Earth First! Headwaters Forest activist from Texas, was
killed in Humboldt County, California on
the 17th of September. Loggers were
felling trees in an area close to a publicly known protest against illegal logging near Grizzly Creek, an area just
outside the Headwaters Deal acquisition area, but considered vital to the integrity of the forest by ecologists.
Earth First! activists had documented
that the logging was illegal and had persuaded the Calif. Dept. of Forestry to
come out and inspect the operation.
Pacific Lumber (owned by MAXXAM)
has been cited for over 250 violations
of the Forest Practices Act in the last
three years.
Dave Cherney, a co-founder of Earth
First!, said that Earth First! targeted the
Grizzly Creek area, about 300 miles
north of San Francisco, because it contained significant numbers of old growth
redwood trees and was a habitat for the
marbled murrelet, an endangered bird
that depends on redwood trees for its
nesting habitat. Source- Earth First!
Media Centre
The death of Earth First! activist David
Chain has prompted these {and other)
comments to the mailing list of the US
envirowatch
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
I can't understand why the "Earth
Firster's" are upset? Now David Chain
"is one" with the earth! Or should I say
in the earth!
Dale
Seahorse Says Hello
For the first recorded time, a small sea
horse that lives in the Mediterranean has
been caught off the coast of Devon,
England. It is not known if a population
of the seahorse Hippocampus hippocampus, has established itself or if the
seahorse was migrating. Other unusual
sightings include a seven foot long warm
water sea turtle, large numbers of basking sharks and two unconfirmed
sightings of great white sharks.
Source- Electronic Telegraph (UK)
International Water Crisis Ahead
As world population grows, water resources diminish. Nearly 500 million
people face water shortages today and
a new report by the John Hopkins
School of Public Health estimates that
figure will rise to 2.8 billion people by
the year 2025. This represents almost
35% of the expected population.
You can see an advance of the report
at < http://www.jhuccp.org/popreport/
m14edsum.stm >
Source- John Hopkins Center
A saltworks plant in the Laguna Ojo de
Liebre, Baja California Sur, has killed 94
highly endangered black sea turtles after dumping salt brine waste from its
operations. The plant has been under
fire by conservationists as it is proposing a new saltworks in the Laguna San
Ignacio. This proposed plant will be the
largest operation of its type in the world,
covering some 300 square kilometres.
San Ignacio is one of the last calving
grounds for the grey whale and is listed
by the UN as a biosphere reserve. The
turtle deaths have prompted new calls,
plus a Mexican Congress investigation,
about the environmental harm the
saltworks will cause and the suitability
of ESSA to operate it.
Source- IFAW
Ugandan Elephants Born Without
Tusl<s
Scientists working at the Queen Elizabeth National Park, Uganda, have found
that the number of elephants born without tusks has risen dramatically overt
the past few years. Currently 30% of the
elephants in the park have no tusks, with
15.5% of females and 9.5% of males
tuskless.
In 1930, less than one percent of the
elephants in the same area had no
tusks. The researchers believe that tuskless elephants are a genetic response
to the heavy poaching of the past decades. In 1962 there were 3,500 elephants in the park but poaching reduced that to 200 by 1992.
Now the elephant population is recovering rapidly, with 1200 elephants within
the park boundaries. As the number of
tuskless elephants rose, poaching declined and big herds are now common,
albeit without tusks.
Source- Telegraph Group Limited.
Grizzly Bears Near Extinction
British Columbia, Canada, is the last
stronghold of the grizzly bear. Across
the US the bear has been wiped out with
Alaska having one of the last
populations. In BC the population estimates range from a low 4,000 to 13,000,
hardly a healthy level. In 1996,363 grizzlies were shot, a fifteen year record.
Last year 212 died and authorities estimate that for every two legally killed
another is shot by poachers. Others die
when struck by trains and vehicles. Despite their reputation for
fierceness between 1978 and 1994 only
two humans have been killed by the
bears.
Source- Reuters.
McLibel Two Sue Police
Dave Morris and Helen Steel, the two
vegetarian activists who were sued by
McDonald's have launched a lawsuit
alleging the metropolitan police of assisting McDonald's case. The pair believe that the police gave McDonald's
private investigators information about
them that was confidential and assisted
in setting up surveillance on the pair.
They eventually lost their fight against
McDonald's after a case that made legal history. McDonald's victory was
somewhat shallow though, as the Judge
supported some of the accusation the
two made about environmental damage
and work practises.
Source- Dow Jones Newswires
Compiled Jon Sumby
Sub-editors needed for.
News, Clubs, Entertainment, Music, IT, Internet, Creative,
Photography/Graphics, Sport and Careers/Lifestyle.
Applications need to include a brief statement regarding experience, ideas and an explanation of why
you would like to hold this position. Please make sure to include your name and a phone number (at
which we can contact you during the summer months). Applications close on Friday November 20 and
interviews will be held during mid-January. All letters of interest may be submitted to the Lot's Wife
office or sent to Lot's Wife, First Floor Union Building, Monash University, Wellington Rd Clayton 3168.
i-CAF Funded
page 12
Non-CAF Funded
ssEE^im^a
I don't wanna play H'lrft you anymore
The Aun^En Occupation
ask questions
T h e occupation was a very important event o n this campus. Police arrived, arrests w e r e
I
I
made, some students might be kicked o u t o f this university and serious property damage
03
As y o u may have heard, o n September 2 3 , 1998 t h e Administration Building behind the
Robert Blackwood Hall and t h e Main Library was occupied by a number of students. Ensuing is a collection of articles w h i c h give various representations of the incidents that occurred
on that day.
occurred, T h e incentive behind the occupation was also very important. Students stormed
I
A d m i n because they w e r e angry at t h e ridiculous cuts being made t o t h e Arts Faculty.
My request is simple. D o n ' t take f o r granted everything that y o u read o r hear about this
CD
event. T h e r e are many sides t o the story. Read between the lines. Think about the arguments that people are putting t o y o u and ask if they are logical. Just because a slory is told
I
eloquently does not mean that t h e concept behind it o r the story itself is acceptable. Glossy
rhetoric is effective like that. W h a t are t h e motivations behind a particular representation of
an event?
CD
is
This approach t o reading obviously applies t o all media, but particularly t o news and current
affairs and particularly t o events that are innately political o r controversial. It's an important
3-
skill.
Michelle
o
Davies
"-0
^sd^ ^
Research Week
at Swinburne
'^^IB
Jwitiiie
12-16 October 1 9 9 8
Swinburne University of Technology would like to invite all those interested in
postgraduate research to investigate the exciting opportunities available
at Swinburne.
Throughout Research Week 1998, Swinburne will host a number of research
related events including:
P o s t g r a d u a t e I n f o r m a t i o n Evening
If it's hot.,.
head fOP
Swinburne
December 1998 - February 1999
Tuesday 13 October, 4.00pm-7.00pm, Hawthorn Town Hall.
Research S e m i n a r Series
10.00ain-2.00pm, Tuesday 13 October to Friday 16 October 1998
Graduate Research Centre, Hawthorn campus
Leaders of research will give presentations of their work, including:
Femtosecond Laser Spectroscopy. Astrophysics and Supercomputing,
l*/licromachining/Excimer Laser, Institute of Social Research, Industrial
Research Institute Swinburne (IRIS) and Swinburne Computer Human
Interaction Laboratory (SCHIL).
T h e S w i n b u r n e Research D e b a t e
Wednesday 14 October, drinks 5.30pm, debate starts 6.00pm
Graduate Research Centre, Hawthorn
Academics and guests will entertain you and at the same time, examine
important research issues. Be prepared for a night of laughter
and lateral thinking taken to the extreme!
Choose from the following Umversitv subjects:
Accounting
Computing and Information Technology
Economics
Engineering
Human Resource Management/
Organisation Behaviour
Italian
Law
•
Manufacturing Management
Marketing
Mathematics
Media Studies
Multimedia
Sociology
Statistics
Thermodynamics
Tourism
for the !ate$\ sutyet'-l infomiadon check out our web sire
This is an excellent time to discover the research opportunities
and facilities available at Swinburne. Please contact the
Swinburne Graduate Research Centre on (03) 9214 5223
for further information.
Website: www.swin.edu.au/exstaff/whatsnew/
events/evenitems/resweek.htm
Swinburne
Become part of a growing number of people
enrolling in Summer Semester subjects at
Swinburne. Increased demand has enabled
Swinburne to expand its 1998-t999 Summer
Semester program to over 50 undergraduate
subjects.
Applications close 6 November 1998
Applications are invited from current University
students leither alrearty studying at Swinburne or
from elsewhere), completed VCE students awaiting
university entry and members of the general public,
It's a great opportunity to accelerate your studies.
W a n t to k n o w more?
Including subject details, timetable, costs, how to
apply and all the the 'hot' news, then surf our
Summer Semester web site at:
http'y/www.swin.edu.aii/hed/sumfnBr/
University of Technology
John Street Hawthorn • Melba Avenue Lilydale • Telephone (03) 9214 8781
Non-CAF Funded
Nnhody loves me. everybody hates me, think I'll eal some worms
page 13
The Ado!!^ Occupation
behind ClOSed doors
On Wednesday 23"* September a forum was held to protest against
amended by the Board, as a viable framework for the restructuring
cuts to the Arts and Science faculties, l b cries of "Slashing funding -
that is now necessary".
we say no. This VC has got to go. We won't back down, no we
won't crack. We've come to take our admin back," the rally marched
Viable for whom? For the fifty-five staff losing their jobs? For the post-
en masse to the administration building. A group of sixty staff and
graduate students whose supen/isors have been sacked? For Classics,
students then broke into the building and occupied the Vice
Asian and Romance languages, and the other departments being closed
Chancellor's office, refusing to leave until their demands had been
down? For the students enrolled in these departments? Were they
met. These included:
discussing the same document here?
The Vice Chancellor's resignation;
Restoration of funding to the Arts and Science
faculties;
Neither is it clear that this sort of restructuring is "necessary". Monash
made a $218.8M surplus last year The cuts to the Arts Faculty save
Full transparency of the Universities budget
the university $5M. Considered on its merits as an academic piece of
allocations;
work, the Blueprint sets an appalling example for students to follow.
Restoration of staff and student representation on
The document lacks informed debate, makes unsubstantiated claims,
University decision-making bodies.
and fails to examine alternative ways of resolving any perceived prob-
After exhausting all "proper" channels, the group felt it had little choice
the proposed restructuring is necessary. It would be more accurate
other than to take stronger action to voice protest. Two factors in
to refer to "the restructuring being imposed on the Faculty at the
particular contributed to the level of unrest amongst these individu-
behest of the Vice Chancellor".
lems with the faculty. No evidence exists to support the assertion that
als: the first was the Vice Chancellor's total unwillingness to consult
the Monash community in undertaking massive changes to educa-
The Vice Chancellor had already made it clear that the restructuring
tion at Monash; the second was the lack of organised protest by staff
would go ahead with or without the support of the Arts faculty. All
in response to the Blueprint and their complicity in its implementa-
that the faculty gained by endorsing the Blueprint was to legitimise the
tion.
process and condone its contents. Concerns were raised that unless
the faculty cooperated with the Vice Chancellor, the restructuring
The bulk of students and academics have been actively opposed to
would be placed in the hands of an administrator who left the faculty
the restructuring of the Arts faculty since the Blueprint was first made
with no control over its affairs, hlowever, the only real control the
public, yet the Vice Chancellor has consistently refused to listen to
feculty was allowed anyway was to determine the sharpness of the
their concerns. Instead, he has successfully bullied a significant num-
dagger with which it slit its own throat. Either way the faculty would
ber of Arts faculty board members into accepting the Blueprint "or
be gutted. The only question left to decide was on whose hands the
else".
blood would be.
On Wednesday September 9 the Arts Faculty Board met to deter-
Although the motion which was eventually passed merely "acknovi'l-
mine its position in relation to the Blueprint, wHiich was initially met
edged that the Blueprint document.., provided a basis for the re-
with a high degree of apprehension. A number of motions were
structuring to be undertaken," it was embarrassing to watch a num-
passed condemning the document on the grounds that it would sig-
ber of distinguished intellectuals, resigned to the fact that the restruc-
nificantly worsen staff-student ratios, weaken the Arts faculty, com-
turing must go ahead, bow down before the Vice Chancellor's threats
promise the quality of teaching and research in the Humanities and
and do his dirty work for him.
Social Sciences at Monash, and severely damage the reputation and
standing of both the faculty and the University.
On Monday 21" September, the Blueprint was presented to University Council, Monash's peak decision-making body, on which the
Citing concerns of the immense harm the restructuring process was
majority of members are industry representatives. Instead of presenting
doing to the faculty in terms of staff and students, prospective stu-
to Council the draft Blueprint that had been "acknowledged" by the
dents and community image, and the potential for further damage
Arts Faculty Board, the Vice Chancellor instead presented his original
beyond that envisaged by the Blueprint unless the Arts faculty took
draft that the Faculty had refused to endorse, with an additional ap-
immediate reparatory action, the Board was then urged by a small
pendix at the back noting the series of motions passed by Faculty
contingent of members to "accept the Blueprint document, as
Board in arriving at the latest version of the Blueprint. He made it
Non-CAEFL
You got boy germs
page 14
The Aclmsn Occupation
It's time for an upgrade
dear that it was only the body of the Blueprint which Council was to ratify, and this did not include appendices. Because
further tabling of material was ruled out of order, the Council was left to note a document that had not been voted on
Postgraduate Research
Scholarships - 1998
by the Arts Faculty Board,
It was against this background that two days later the rally
• Australian
Postgraduate Awards
which culminated in the occupation took place.
One window and two doors were damaged by students to
gain access to the building. This damage is far outweighed,
however, by the moral and intellectual vandalism the Vice
• Swinburne Postgraduate
Research Awards
Applications close 3 1 October 1 9 9 8
Chancellor is perpetrating on the Arts and Science faculties.
The Vice Chancellor can try to promote the Blueprint as an
"academically sound and financially responsible" document
which will strengthen the feculty and give it a "clear direction
for the future", but no amount of glossy rhetoric can ob-
Swinburne, as one of Australia's leading 'industry linked'
Universities, has opportunities for you to further your studies by
Research. If you're highly-qualified, we invite you to apply for a Research Masters or Doctoral
studies scholarship.
..
scure the damage that is currently underway
The University has substantially resourced a number of
research areas seen as particularly significant to Australia's
development. They are:
Several academics across the faculties have commended
• FEMTOSECOND LASER SPECTROSCOPY
those involved in the occupation for having the courage of
their convictions, and for being willing to stand up in de-
• EXCIMER LASER MICROMACHINING
fence of their education and for the values of a university
• IMAGING AND APPLIED OPTICS
(even if those are no longer the values of this university).
• ASTROPHYSICS AND SUPERCOMPUTING
The University, however, has other ideas. Three students
Swinburne also has five major research Centres:
Brain Science Institute,
Centre for Applied Colloid and BioColloid Science,
Industrial Research Institute Swinburne,
Institute of Social Research,
Swinburne Computer Human Interaction Laboratory.
have already been arrested, with the remaining 60 staff and
students facing disciplinary action and/or criminal charges.
Steve Curry, philosophy tutor, noted in a University-wide email that in the context of recent events at Monash, such
victimisation can only be seen as the ruthless crushing of
dissent. Accordingly the actions of the occupiers must be
viewed as justified civil disobedience that no person of good
conscience should allow to be punished.
The occupiers.have made a start in reclaiming Monash as a
place of learning rather than a place of business. We must
maintain this pressure until the priorities of this university
reflect a genuine concern for equity, diversity, and quality
Applications in the above areas of researc^i specialisation are
particularly encouraged. Supervision is also available under the following broad disciplines:
Biophysical Sciences, Chemical Sciences, Design, International Business, Finance,
Management, Enterprise and Innovation, Information Technology, Mathematical Sciences,
Chemical, Civil, Electrical, Mechanical and Manufacturing Engineering, Physical Sciences and
Social and Behavioural Sciences.
The Awards carry a stipend of approximately 516,000 per annum, plus vanous allowances, for
up to two years full-time for Masters and three years for Doctoral programs.
Ring now for a brochure or come along to our:
Postgraduate Information Evening
Tuesday 13 October 1998,4pm-7pm
education.
Hawthorn Town Hall, 360 Burwood Road, Hawthorn 3122
It is surely only a matter of time before those same academics who voted in support of the Blueprint rue the day it was
implemented, shake their heads in sorrow, and employ the
age old excuse: "we were just following orders."
Swinburne Graduate Research School
Swinburne University of Technology
J o h n Street H a w t h o r n Victoria 3122
Telephone: (03) 9214 5412/5224/5223
Facsimile: (03)9214 6267
Website: w w w . s w i n . e d u . a u / r e s e a r c h / f - s c h o l s . h t m
C WM998 fk
• - Nine
^'•
> „, Decades
^
IntiiAiitiiiii
Dsnielle Ujvari
li!HiB«Madllit.M4l
Yeah ? Well you got girl germs
page 15
The Adm!!: Occupation
storming
administration
Subtle as a sledgehammer
On the Wednesday prior to the mid-semester break, sixty students risked serious consequences for their involvement in an
occupation of Monash University Administration. Two students
were arrested for trespass when they refused to leave the building at police request. The other students involved face disciplinary action with possible outcomes of fines, suspension, written reprimands, or even exclusion from the University. Considering.the repressive climate within Monash University, students involved were aware that there could be serious ramifications for them.
The silencing of dissent among staff and students has become
commonplace. An Orwellian "security" camera placed in the
major public space within the University is a form of intimidation through surveillance. Official administration approval is now
needed for University and Faculty-wide e-mail. Channels for
University community input into decision-making has been curtailed. This centralising control over communication and stifling
debate is the antithesis of the notion of academic freedom,
which underpins a university.
Many students feel disenfranchised and silenced. This led to
the decision to take more radical actions to access the centre
of decision-making - the administration.
Students involved in the action are aware that their brief occupation has been portrayed in the media as violent and irresponsible. They regret that they have been forced to use these
more extreme actions to make their concerns known. Other
avenues such as rallies, demands and submissions from students were consistently ignored. Previous attempts at occupations, without property damage, were thwarted by heavy security measures.
The images of the action shown on television failed to capture
the peaceful nature of the protest.
A rally of about 300 students outside the administration building preceded the occupation. The students sang a chant justifying more radical action to make administration listen to their
demands. Students then broke one window and a door to
gain access to a heavily fortified administration building with
metal grills covering all entrances and security guards inside.
These acts were carried out in a non-aggressive manner and
minimised damage to the building, whilst giving students access
to occupy the centre of decision-making in the University. Broken glass was swept aside as students filed calmly into the building
and barricaded themselves into the Vice-Chancellor's offices.
There have been rumours that a female staff member was harassed during the initial phase of the occupation. This did not
happen. The female staff member in question was told calmly
that she could collect her possessions and that she would be
able to leave unhindered.
Is that a sledgehammer in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
During the entire occupation, the occupying students took great
pains to reassure administrative and security staff that the occupation was peaceful and that nobody would be hurt. Administrative staff were given leaflets about the purpose of the action
that emphasised the action was not directed at staff.
Police were promptly called in to extract the students from the
building using 'reasonable force'. This amounted to around
$15,000 property damage which police knew would be attributed to the protesters.
At first, police tried to gain access to the offices by breaking
through panels in the roof. This resulted in extensive damage
of office equipment as debris fell down from the ceiling. An
officer who tried to climb in through the hole they had made
damaged a computer This forced students to barricade themselves into adjacent rooms.
Some students decided to take this as an opportunity to leave
the occupation. They remained in the room that had the hole
in the roof and informed police that they were coming out
peacefully and that there was no need to use force.
An angry police officer smashed through the door anyway and,
mindful that all the damage would be blamed on students then
proceeded to swing furniture around, smashing a shredding
machine in the process. Student attempts to calm the officer
down had little effect. After having their names and photographs
taken, these students were allowed to leave.
Several hours later, at 9:30 pm, the police smashed through
the second door without adequate warning, endangering students as splinters of wood and metal were sent flying across
the room. Students huddled in the corner, terrified by the experience. They were given the option of either leaving or being arrested and physically removed. All of the students chose
to leave, except for two. The police arrested these two students.
They were separated from the other students for almost an
hour before their release. They had no legal representation
present. Two police officers had removed their police badges
(one still had a gun) before entering the building and refused to
reveal their identity when questioned.
Now the administration is trying to blame all the property damage on protesters. There may be serious consequences for
the individuals involved in the action. Support from students
and staff is needed to defend the right to protest through civil
disobedience.
The students involved did not act out of self-interest over individual course closures. They want to reinstate the original vision of the University, which has a place for intellectual criticism
of our society and diverse types of knowledge. They oppose
the morally and intellectually bankrupt approach of our current
administration. The University community must continue to
oppose the changes being imposed by an anti-democratic, recalcitrant Vice-Chancellon
Simone Siracusa
Non-CAF Funded
page 16
If you show me yours, then I'll show you mine
The Adms!!
A wise man once told nne that you should never unquestioningly believe everything that
you read or hear; there are usually two sides to a story. This is one such story.
"O
On V\/ednesday, 23"" September, the administration building at Monash was
stormed and occupied. For the purposes of this discussion it is worth paying
brief lip-service to the cause - Budget cuts which are raping a once vibrant Arts
Faculty of its capability to provide a legitimate role as an educational institution
for many thousands of students. The cause is a good one; noble and right. However, what I wish to focus on in this article is the protest itself, and what I see as
a dilemma in choosing an appropriate method of action.
Many comments are often made after a demonstration about the way in which
protestors were treated by police and/or security guards. September 23"''s demonstration was no exception. I was talking to one of the students who had participated in the storming of the admin building and he made strong mention of
what he described as the unnecessarily violent and destructive means utilised by
the police to break into the building to evict the protestors. According to him,
the police used sledgehammers to break down doors despite knowing that students could be on the other side of those doors.
Not surprisingly, there was no mention made of the method utilised by students
to enter the administration building in the first place. For those of you unaware,
a sledgehammer was used in conjunction with a crowbar to smash through a
window and a grate. This was done despite the likelihood that security guards
were on the other side of those windows.
Criticisms leveled at security forces are at times hypocritical. If you choose to
adopt "militant tactics" in order to further your cause, then there is no moral
highground that can be sought should security and police use violence to restrain or evict you. There is no rational excuse as to why it is a legitimate political
process to bash your way past a security person, but an illegitimate use of force
when that security person uses force to hold their position. Ultimately, there will
be excessive uses of forces coming from both sides in such a confrontation, but
it is by no means entirely coming from one group directed at another
However, this does flow onto part of the dilemma of protest. If not violent
action, then what sort of action can be taken in order to assist one's cause? More
often than not a peaceful protest can at times be readily dismissed, or simply
ignored because it is of no concern to anyone. Similarly a peaceful protest rarely
gains the attention of the media.
Indeed with the situation which occurred on the 23"*. various media outlets
when contacted about the protest to be held, asked whether or not there was
likely to be confrontation, bloodshed or violence. If not, then they probably
wouldn't bother coming out to cover the action. Effectively violence had to be
promised before any coverage of the issue would occur amongst the general
community. Unfortunately when the protesters delivered on this promise, they
unwillingly played directly into the hands of the mass-media juggernaut.
Various media outlets are under differing pressures to portray this protest in a
certain way. As editors of the student newspaper, we are usually placed under
pressure to show solidanty to the students. This means defending their cause to
the hilt, accepting their methods of protest as legitimate, and blaming the administration, security and government for being the instigators of all problems. I'm
sure there will be some articles written in this edition which read precisely along
these lines.
For the mainstream press, however they are under pressure to rate. Unfortunately pictures of intellectuals discussing the dire ramifications of cuts to the Arts
faculty in a democratic forum doesn't rate too well. In fact, more often than not
they're even boring to participate in. What does rate is an image of some radical
students (preferably a guy with dreadlocks or a girl with shaved hair and a nosering) smashing their way through a window, with plenty of screaming and a clash
with police. That way there is ample opportunity to portray this "fringe element"
in a negative light, reinforce the viewpoint of the moral majority, and keep Mr
and Mrs Average Australian watching for the next news story after the ads on
Aussie, super sniffer-dogs.
o
(A
O
W
Of course, neither of these viewpoints are accurate, with the truth lying somewhere in between the two adversarial approaches, which is the point I'm trying
to make.
So, on the issue of protests: what to do? Well, unfortunately the writing of this
article proved to be a very disheartening experience. It seems that when it comes
to various forms of action that can be taken in the name of protest, you're damned
if you do and damned if you don't.
While some people claim that security forces are the instigators of violence, often
both parties have their good and bad amongst them, and when emotions run
high, it can become diflicult to control those on either side.
While the press may at times seem interested in the cause, the violence which
brought the coverage may undermine its potential for greater support.
I guess at the end of the day part of the problem falls down to the fact that there
are no clear right and wrong solutions, but merely the varying opinions of different people towards protesting in general. Me? I say we get the super sniffer-dogs
on our side...
Dan Celm
Don't Wait - Escape Now!
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page 17
poo
poohpag
Munch
leiieis
Well roll me in flour and fuck the wel bits, it's the last
Munch Me for the year. Shit hey, what a cunt. Anyway,
I thought that I would share with you some of the letters
that I have received throughout the course of the year,
jusi so you can see the fuckwits I have to deal with.
Dear Munchkin,
lam a student from Melbourne Uni, and I recently came
to your campus to utilise the Rare Books section at the
Main Library. After several hours of intense research, I
needed to go to the toilet quite badly, so I went to the
fifth story Mens for some peace and quiel. Whilst
e n j o y i n g a leisurely shit and c o n t e m p l a t i n g
masturbation, I noticed the vast amount of anti-Arts
student graffiti on the walls. I laughed tor ages, then I
realised that I too am an Arts student, and also a
homicidal pyromaniac, so I set fire to the fucker and
pissed off.
Igor
ArtsfV
Melbourne
Uni
Dear Munchkin,
I am an avid reader of your column as il is always
entertaining and informative. In fact, I enjoy it so much
that once I accidentally discharged my custard gun
when I was reading it. This was quite embarrassing as I
was on the Chadstone 804 bus at the lime. By the way,
I had a piss next to some bloke at the jebediah Union
night, and fair dinkum his cock was so big that when
he shook the droplets off it, it sounded like four fat
nuns clapping.
Mick f,
Eng n
Dear Munchkin,
I was at a party recently and this guy was telling me
how much he loves your articles. He was an Engineering
student who lives at Halls, piss-drunk and trying to crack
on to me. Before passing out in a puddle of his own
urine, the sexist bastard told me that my 'tils were like
two puppies fighting in a bag.' Would it be fair to say
that this would represent your average reader of Munch
Me?
Sarah,
Comm/iaw Iff
No Sarah, my readers are surely not as classy as your
new boyfriend. Anyway, thanks for reading my lewd,
rude, nude and crude crap throughout this cunting year.
S'later,
The Munchkin
The Wankers of the World
§
The guy who jogged passed me
in the French Alps...butt naked
(proving that not all French
words are seductive)
§
The gentleman who wanked at
me (or was it for me?) from a park
bench on a sunny afternoon in
Northern Greece (tzatziki
anyone?)
§
The farmer who grabbed my left
breast in the fields of rural
Portugal. Yeah, I really do want
to have sex in an open field with
some sixty year old guy with no
hair and no teeth.
§
The extremely skillful driver that
followed me d o w n Alma Rd
(St.Kilda) while wanking and
reading a porno at the same time
(the cops caught him - it was his
mother's car).
Thanks guys, for r e m i n d i n g this
particular gal that no matter where
you are in the world, there will always
be some tool trying to spoil perfectly
wonderful experiences,
Kanela
ThingfrUIke doing the most
I ®
I like silting behirVcl peop(»» in a cinema and crumpling up handfuls of
cellophane |ust at the reaily ext ilJng part of the movie,
I like farting in elevators and then publicly blaming il on the most
embarrassed-looking person.
I like wrapping up regular Easter eggs in Kinder Surprise wrapping and then
watching the look of bewildered disappointment on the recipient's face as
they find there's nothing inside (then I like to yell "Surprise", snatch the egg
and run off).
I like forcing young children to watch SBS Weatherwatch for hours on end
instead of early morning kids' TV (it's how Rob Cell got started, you know).
I like sitting in exams and turning pages really, really loudly three minutes
after writing time's commenced.
I like walking up to people at those express Sesame 2 terminals and telling
them their five minutes is up.
he BarRoom Flaor
Howdy boys (and girls)! It's been a
while but I've finally got off my barstool
and written something down on paper.
I'm currently sitting at a bar room
table or is it the floor, the bar room
trough...no, I've got it, it's the bar
room toilet bowl! Yes, that's right, it's
me joining you all at the end of
another long hard day.
Apparently I have to mention my
drinkin' buddies currently huddled
around me, hanging on my every
word. .So, Sarah, Jo, Sash, Peaches and
Zoe, your names are finally in print!
{I hope it was worth it).
I hope everyone out there has been
having a spectacular T^ semester. I
hope Green Week was a particular
highlight. Those pesky student
elections are behind us, but I hope
everyone voted hard and found it as
exciting and sexual an experience as
I did...
I must leave now as I have many beers
to drink and my pants to be pulled
down so I can run around naked!
Remember every Thursday isa$2 VB/
Coldie day at The Bar (a.k.a. Ben's
Bar)
I like standing at those express Sesame 2 terminals for three quarters of an
hour looking up all titles with the words "boobs" in them, whilst twenty
other people wait in line to use them (the terminals that is, not the boobs).
I like walking up to the most tired, vulnerable-l(K)king person on the train
and then spending the next twenty-five minutes trying to convince them to
join my religion.
I like exploiting newly-acquired converts to my religion (both financially
and sexually) before telling them that there is no God and the Mothership
will never arrive...then I like to see them crawl away more confused and
spiritually bereft than ever before.
I like wearing brightly coloured T-Shirts and telling kids I'm one of The
Wiggles... then I like to turn around and spit in their faces.
And most of all, I like writing for Lot's.
CHEERS until next year.
Andrew Phillips
Mickey
-CAF Funded
page 18
Non-CAF Funded
Non-CAF Funded _
tmA9iMinihM»i
You're just a big poo head
^N\6hoodi section
Whatever
Did
Y<O^!^""^4 j i ^
riafXi&n&a
childhood?
Fatcat
anyway? I'm also not referring to one-offs
Fluoro bobby socks
such as Annie and Dot in Oz. All 1 am
Pool-ponies, Care Bears and Cabljage
asking for is a day to day bond with my
^ j'jjtr fllk
Mixed lollies that were value for money
Patch Kids
fellow preschoolers, and I'm telling you
Dunlop Volleys and velcro shoes or ones
that it Just wasn't there for me.
with assorted zips
Punky
It was not until shortly after my thirteenth
birthday that 1 can genuinely say 1
experienced a link with my peers. It was
called Degrassi
Junior
High, and 1
suggest you cease reading this article
immediately if you are not a true Degrass
fan. You are obviously a complete and
utter socially inept ignoramus who was
never part of the 'in' throng. (See, 1 can do
it too!)
Brewster,
Doctor
Snuggles,
Charles in Charge, Fat Albert, Archie and
Jughead and The Ossie Ostrich Video
Show
Clarks schoolshoes, Bata Scouts and
other shoes with animal footprints
The A-Team, Knight Rider, The Dukes of
Hazard, Starsky and Hutch, V
Quality ABC childrens shows: Metal
Mickey, Danger Mouse, Degrassi, Astro
Boy
Homemade clothes
star Wars. Playschool, It's A Knockout?]
that, 'they're here', line in Poltergeist.
Are these words which conjure up images
(Yes, I've done my research).
There was Snake (gorgeous). Wheels
Cut lunches in grease-proof paper
(disgusting), Joey (l^oron), Caitlin
BMX and Mongooses, Spokey Dokies,
(beautiful), Kathleen (bulimic), and the list
Stackhats and safety flags
goes on. And did 1 fail to mention Erica,
Mousetrap, Uno, Boggle, Connect Four
the only girl on the closest thing to
Patchwork jackets that could convert into
Whilst today's youth continues along its
American television to have an (oh, my)
a bag
abortion.
of former childhood fetishes?
Stacks on the Mill... until someone started
Recently a good friend of mine declared,
Innocent little path (kinder; milk and
'you didn't have a proper childhood!' I know
cookies, and if they're lucky, an obstacle
that I am brave to admit this, as people
course) they are too young to appreciate
This, my friends, is fan material and the
who see me around Uni will make certain
their world wide affinity within the
reason for cult creation. If you're aged
Fads (the lolly formerly known as FAGS)
that I remain incapacitated, but I honestly
entertainment industry.
between seventeen and twenty, strut
Egg and Spoon and three-legged races
down any corridor, anywhere, and exclaim
Gratuitous lists
never watched the Star Wars trilogy and I
crying
It's a Knockout
Degrassf. You'll instantly gain many new
Mellow Yellow, Tab Cola, Tarax
Pyjamas, Teletubbies. Only a taste of the
friends; 1 can assure you, and all that will
Bubble-O-Bills, Barney Bananas, Bul)ble
I decided to conduct an interview session
alliance these tots are members of. So
be willing to fondly ponder the fact that
Sticks, original Choc Wedges
in order to investigate the situation and
'cool' in fact that we mature folk claim
while they were stressing over a positive
Wobbies
consequently prove my point.
rights to idealise their phenomena. I've
and a negative being negative, an entire
Leisureland Fair
lost count of the number of adults I know
generation was as well. People will be
Remote-controlled cars
Person Number One: "I have never
who own B1 and B2 apparel, or The
fighting over each other to share their
Donkey-Kong, Mario Brothers and other
watched any of the Star Wars." (I swear, I
Wiggles Christmas addition. As for The
'remember when H/lelanie had lipstick on
electronic games
The Wiggles,
know that I am not alone.
Barney,
Bananas
in
World, Gumbuyah
Park,
didn't interview myself)
Wiggles, I can honestly say that I've
her teeth?' And 'remember when Claude
Ataris and Commodore 64s, Pacman
Person Number Two: "You what!!! (My best
observed full-grown men moshing to
let Caitlin take the blame for the spray-
Free education
friend) Are you completely, oh my... The
their melodies.
painting incident?' I'll bet I'm initiating
The Famous Five
conversations as you read this.
Toothpaste with sugar in it
Death Star, they..." (This person had to be
Pen-writing licence
removed from the interview session due
As a child of the eighties, surprisingly,
to hysteria.)
the reason that I can't remember much
1 wish that my childhood comprised a
Spelling
Person Number Three: "It's a Whatout?"
of it is not the fact that my mother
greater scope of stars to share in the
competitions
Wet-day timetables
Bees
and
times
table
dressed me in a raa raa skirt, pastel,
sandpit. IVly lack of idols at the time, and
Okay, call me a freak, but I beg you, the
with clashing leg warmers, a yellow,
my complete inability to agree upon
Playing the recorder and the triangle
students
bright yellow, plastic studded belt, and
contrasting icons with my peers, has
Sitting up straight with your legs crossed,
of IVlonash University, to
me in my inability to
Velcro boot sneakers. It's because it
caused me to quite simply dismiss this
no leaning on chairs
reminisce in regard to my childhood days.
really didn't have that much of an impact
unfulfilling epoch and move fora/ard to
Cleaning the dusters
Can having a so called 'normal' childhood
on me.
contemplate my teenage years. Anything
Actually doing the "locomotion"
really
as
nineties tackers have Benita, John, and
possessing extreme envy over Princess
Noni... plus more! And how long had that
Leia's hair? Or familiarising oneself with
been around prior to my existence
empathise with
be as black
and white
I'm not talking
Playschool,
preceding them can quite simply:
Kissing the boys behind the shelter
"Get oot!"
sheds
Rachel Gurvlch
Magic sand, Rubiks Cubes, Sea Monkeys
Sophie & Beau
msasi^aimm
Um-aaalih, look what you did.
page 19
childhood section
Kids Are Harsh.
he Lost
Generation
3n reflecting upon the films that
ked our childhood, one cannot
'look "classics" like The
Breakfast
b, The
perhaps
Goonies,
and
yone's favourite. Stand By Me. As
iren of the 1980s and early 1990s,
,e films shaped our youth, telling
ginative, entertaining and inspiring
3. But are these films a thing of the
:? Have the production companies in
ywood turned away from these films
altered the viewing possibilities for
ly's youth?
constructed, everyone has overlooked
targeting films to "the lost generation",
Dne flips through the pages of the
sr to check out what's on, the school
day blockbusters dominate the
jrtising. One's options are enormous,
jding The Parent Trap (looks like a
y remake of the charming original),
ley's Mulan, the computer animated
3// Soldiers and the "must see" on
y brat's list Barney's Great Adventures
I won't need your student card for that
those youths aged between ten and
sixteen. Failing to produce films which
target the elusive zone between brat-inpram and teenage adolescent, these
unfortunate kids have graduated too
quickly from The Wiggles,
afternoon
sessions of Sesame Street and sleeping
under Incredible
Hulk, bedsheets to
watching t^elrose Place and checking out
Tarantino flicks. What's happened?
as adults/students get in at kids
3s). These films cater for the kiddies
d between three and nine. New
iuction companies like Spielberg's
am Works are sure to churn out these
ley maker films at the rate of "as many
lossible" a year.
matively, there are many options for
mature film viewer, Including Can't
ily wait (Love-Hewitt should get an
ar nomination for this performance)
The Last Days of Disco. As with
lie flicks, these masterpieces are
ig produced as quickly as possible.
great success of such genre pieces
Scream and Scream 2 and the work
evin Smith has helped create a new
brat pack , replacing our 1980s idols.
Think about it. Not only do they display
one girl releasing her end of the elastic
brutal honesty at the most inappropriate
and flicking the other girl in the face then
moments but their games and rhymes
you'll know what I mean.
are viscious. Piggy in the middle, poison
ball, British bulldogs, elastics, they all
As for the not so subliminal messages
have a violent and unsympathetic side to
found in kids rhymes, this is one of my
them.
favourites; "There's a party on the hill
It appears that a partial explanation is
would you like to come? [Yes.] Then bring
provided through a new breed of
Piggy in the middle: You pick a kid, chuck
a bottle of rum. [Can't afford it] Then get
entertainment which is diverse enough
them in the middle and you don't let them
lost!" Okay, this little rhyme not only
to appeal to both five year olds and adults
get the ball, Well, what a great way to
promotes a necessity for alcohol but if
simultaneously. Television shows such
teach kids to share. The aim of this game
discriminates against those kids who
as The Simpsons and South Park best
is to pick someone whom you wish to
don't have enough money to buy some.
illustrate this. As a result, our little
isolate and see how long you can do it
This is obviously somebody's plot to
brothers
are
for. Brilliant. This Is causing serious
cornjpt the youth of Australia. It tells us
developed so quickly through these
psychological problems for those kids
that in the 'clever country' we pick our
"appeal to all demographics", that they
who get picked every time to be in the
friends based on their ability to provide
are
middle. These kids are playing with each
us with alcohol.
and
well
and
sisters
truly
minds
over
such
unidimensional and patronizing tales as
other's minds.
The Lost Boys (a favourite of our decade).
This quantum leap from toddler to mature
adolescent is made within the span of a
couple of summers. In amalgamating
target audiences, both film and television
have accelerated the inevitable cynicism
in our youth.
1st these niches have ti6en carefully
Call it weird, call it teaching home truths
At least poison ball and British bulldogs
early or call it nature, kids are brutal. They
are honest about it. You pick who you don't
don't hide their feelings, if they hate you
like and then you just hurt them. You piff a
then you'll know. In some ways, such raw
ball at their head or throw them to the
emotion and unwavering honesty of
ground, either way, you teach them a
opinion is admirable and fair, but all I can
lesson. One could argue that these are
say Is thank God they invented stackhatsi
more 'boyish' type games, but I would
Recently,
filmmakers
fondly
have to disagree - there are some
and
viscious little girls out there. And,
carelessness of the 1970s. When they
supposing for a moment that girls didn't
eventually target the 1980s, perhaps they
play these games, there is always
romanticised
the
have
freedom
may reflect upon it as the last decade of
elastics. Now this is a painful game. On
genuine "youth".
face value it is just a matter of jumping
Claire
Hammond
and kicking over elastic to a song, but If
you have ever been privy to the sight of
Mark Czapnik
CAF F u n d e d
jge 20
Good moooorning Mrs Enever
childhood section
Oncensored
Goldilocks and the Three Bears
A flaxen-haired juvenile delinquent, most
probably tripping on fairy dust, trashes
the meagre household possessions of
a clan of innocent law-abiding bears
before devouring their precious food
supplies.
Traditional Ending: Goldilocks gets away
with it, bears pissed off.
Revised Ending: Bears pissed off. Bears
also hungry. Bears much faster and
stronger than little girl. You figure the rest
out.
Original moral of the story: It's OK to go
into someone's house, wreck their stuff
and ruin their livelihoods provided you
can run fast enough aftenwards.
Revised moral: Don't fuck with bears.
Big Bad Wolf and Three Little Pigs
Three little pigs, each with differing ideas
on housing design,
experiment
respectively with straw, sticks and bricks
in building their dream homes. Wolf with
a hankering for some ham decides to put
their theories to the lest.
Traditional Ending: Mr Straw and Mr Sticks
eaten. Mr Brick laughs arse off as Mr Wolf
suffers an aneurysm whilst trying to blow
brick house down using lungs only.
Revised Ending: Mr Wolf comes back next
day with rocket propelled grenades,
blows house In, pisses himself laughing
as stunned, scorched piglet squeals for
mercy ("I'm not kosher! I'm not kosher!"),
goes home with full stomach.
Original moral of the story: (1)When
facing adversity, forward planning and
preparing for the worst can be a good
idea. (2) Bricks are good.
Revised moral: (1) If at first you don't
succeed, resort to steadily escalating
levels of violence until you have killed and
eaten everyone standing between you
and your goals. (2) Bricks are good,
bacon's better.
Little Red Riding Hood
Little girl goes around to Grandma's
house. Hungry wolf has already eaten
Grandma, dresses up in Grandma's
clothes in an effort to lure little giri into
coming within eating distance. Riveting
canine cross-dressing adventures follow.
Traditional Ending: Red Riding Hood
wise to wolf's ruse (although facial hair
was initially quite convincing). Red Riding
Hood escapes, wolf hunted down by
friendly local axe-man (they're always
there when you need them).
Revised Ending: Wolf hunted down by
redneck townsfolk and put on trial as a
transvestite, Red Riding Hood detained
on suspicion of being a communist
sympathizer.
Original Moral of the Story: If you can't
tell the difference between your
grandmother and a man-eating wolf
dressed up as your grandmother, you
deserve to be eaten (or perhaps you just
haven't been visiting often enough?).
Revised Moral: (1)Wolves with strange
tastes in clothing should ease off on the
dentures and stilettos whenever travelling
through the southern states of USA. (2)
Red is definitely out this summer!
Snow White and the Seven Dwarves
Jealous witch banishes spunky sheila
who ends up serving as a domestic
servant and love interest for seven
vertically challenged backwoodsmen.
Witch sends poison apple to Snow White,
Snow White ends up comatose.
Traditional Ending: Prince Charming
rocks up, performs CPR on Snow White.
Snow White recovers, lives happily ever
after with Prince Charming, though she
never does touch an apple again.
Revised Ending: Lust-based relationship
founders rapidly when Snow White gives
birth to seven shorter-than-usual babies.
Prince Charming pissed off, dwarves
satisfied. Snow While reduced to relying
on magical apples to see her through a
life of domestic servitude. Meanwhile,
witch gets rhinoplasty, collagen
injections, brow-lift. Advanced Hair
replacement
treatment
(head),
electrolysis (face), liposuction and
replacement glass eye. Still looks
shithouse, puts head and body in blender,
marginal improvement in appearance
following self-mutilation.
Original Moral to the Story: Apples can't
be trusted.
Revised Moral: (1) Those who don't want
to be impregnated to the strains of "Hi
Non-CAF Funded
But she got to sit in the front seat last time
»-3a6r,jif:--?ii.:4L-
iv^.*-.
.-.-'ea-iti^*;-*'^
Tales
Ho, Hi Ho, it's off to bed we go" should
consider dwarf-tossing instead [think
about it]. (2) Why spend thousands of
dollars being butchered in the name of
vanity when you can do just as good a job
yourself and make a delicious cellulite
smoothie in the process?
Cinderella
Cinderella is doing her chores with the
assistance of Big Kev's cleaning products
when she inhales way too much
ammonia, becomes very excited, and is
whisked off to the ball in a pumpkin
carriage. She flirts outrageously with
Prince Charming but loses her shoe as
she attempts to return home before Big
Kev's midnight curfew expires. The Prince
is so besotted with Cinderella that he
tests the shoe on every female foot in the
land until at last he finds his beloved.
Traditional Ending: They live happily ever
after, yadda yadda yadda.
Revised Ending: Prince Charming tests
the shoe on a few girls, but when success
doesn't immediately materialise, he
marries Imelda Marcos instead. They live
happily ever after, indulging in a shared
shoe fetish, whilst Cinderella eventually
OD's on cleaning products and is sent to
that great Big Kev in the sky.
Original Moral to the Story: Don't let
poverty get you down, you can still marry
into wealth provided you've got pretty feet.
Revised Moral: Balls and shoes are a
bad combination. Big Kev's Balls are
worse.
N o n - C A F Fun(
The Iron Fish
Smells Of Childhood
(Fragrance Des
Enfants)
1.
Doing "cupped hand fart" to share
with your friends
2.
Dogshit in tanbark and tractor-tread
shoes
3
Probing one's own arsecrack with
the index finger and then
comparing and contrasting the
odour with your friends
4.
Green oranges, squashed
bananas and furry sangas
5.
Clag and P V A glue
6.
Babies' expulsions
7.
The big V (Vicks Vapour rub)
8.
Scratch-n-sniff stickers
9.
'Little boys' and sausage rolls
10. Scanlens footy cards
li!M.fi«lA<Jdl|.{.f>IVI
page 21
childhood section
^''^5oldler5
In WWI there was a 14% civilian nriortality rate. By 1992 this had
risen to 90%, the majority of those killed being women and children.
Figures today are similar. In 1998, child soldiers in Liberia numbered
20,000 - a quarter of all combatants. During the period 1980-1988
Angola lost 330,000 children to war-related causes, while
Mozambique lost 490,000.
The health and education of children
suffer as basic hygiene deteriorates and
necessities such as food, clothing and
water become scarce. Children are often
separated from their families and
communities through military service by
parents and siblings, and during the
course of raids and evacuations. As a
result these dependents must learn to
protect themselves and provide
themselves with food, clothing, and
shelter enough to survive.
T h e s e
f a c t o r s
combined
m a k e
children
exceptionally
vulnerable,
and as such
they are easy
prey
for
a r m e d
groups
to
recruit into military service. Children as
young as 7 years of age actively
participate in armed conflict in many
countries around the world. Although
some voluntarily enter the armed forces,
their consent is somewhat dubious.
Many are motivated by fear of starvation,
and the need for physical protection and
a sense of belonging. Others harbour
thoughts of inflicting revenge on enemy
troops for extra-judicial killings of family
and friends. Some families are so driven
by hunger and poverty that they offer their
children into service in return for food,
clothing, or medical supplies. The
majority of child soldiers, however, are
arbitrarily seized from the streets,
schools, and even orphanages.
Child soldiers are desirable because
they are exploitable, expendable, and are
more obedient and easier to manipulate
than adult soldiers. Often they are plied
with drugs prior to fighting to encourage
subservience and to create a false sense
of courage and invincibility. Female
children are forced to provide sexual
services to the men, and are offered as
incentives and rewards for the older male
soldiers. The HIV rate amongst former
female child soldiers is in the order of
60%.
Not only is their childhood stolen from
these children, so too is their future. While
physical scars are often quick to heal,
psychological and emotional scars will
be borne by former child soldiers for the
rest of their lives. Feelings of guilt and
shame at the atrocities they have
committed, along with the pain of the
violence they endured, makes it difficult
for former child soldiers to resume a
normal life. This is particularly the case if
they were forced to commit atrocities
against members of their own community.
Existing protection mechanisms:
There are a number of international
conventions that regulate the types of
activities children may be involved in and
limit the participation of children in armed
conflict.
Protocol I (Article 77) of the Geneva
Convention states that "the parties to the
conflict shall take all feasible measures
in order that children who have not
attained the age of 15 years do not take a
direct part in the hostilities, and, in
particular, they shall refrain from recruiting
them into the armed forces".
Similarly, Article 38 of the Convention on
the Rights of the Child requires States to
ensure that no child under the age of 15
years takes a direct part in hostilities, to
refrain from recruiting any child under the
age of 15 years into the armed forces,
and to ensure that all children affected by
armed conflict benefit from care and
protection.
The provisions of both the Geneva
Convention and The Convention on the
Rights of the Child are quite problematic,
however, and in practice afford very little
protection for child soldiers and those at
risk of becoming child soldiers. For
starters, the obligation to take action is
limited to parties to the conflict, which
means that a State is freed from any
obligation to protect child citizens who
voluntarily or against their will are forced
to take part in armed conflict between nongovernment forces. Furthermore, the
measures taken by the State need only
be feasible, according to some arbitrary
economic or political criteria, rather than
those measures necessary to ensure the
protection of its child citizens.
With regard to the substance of the
provisions, the difficulty in distinguishing
between direct and indirect participation
is ignored, along with the fact that indirect
participation such as relaying messages,
recovering injured soldiers, and laying
mines can be just as dangerous as, if
not more dangerous than, direct
participation. Female children in particular
suffer
immensely from
indirect
participation such as forced prostitution.
Finally, the age at which children can
currently participate is set at 15 years, an
age considered by many nations and
NGO's to be
way too young.
As a result, a
strengthening
on
the
prohibition on
the use of child
soldiers
is
u n d e r
discussion. In
particular there are the recommendations
that the use of child soldiers be a war
crime under the International Criminal
Court statute, and that an optional
protocol to the CRC be adopted raising
the age at which children may participate
in hostilities.
The International Criminal Court draft
statute:
The International Criminal Court draft
statute now includes a prohibition on
"recruiting children under the age of 15
years into the armed forces or groups, or
allowing them to take part in hostilities".
Although the Red Cross supports this
provision, it is inconsistent with the
optional protocol to the CRC, where
member States are considering raising
the minimum age of Involvement in either
hostilities or armed groups to 18 years of
age. Such an inconsistency in
international standards creates a lack of
certainty and seriously undermines the
legitimacy and effectiveness of the
stronger position. While the recognition
of the use of child soldiers as a war crime
Is a positive step and demonstrates the
seriousness with which the issue is
regarded, it is vital for reasons of
prosecution and prevention that
international judicial bodies maintain the
same standards.
Additional measures
Conventions cannot be drafted or
enforced in a social and economic
vacuum. It is arguable that the alternatives
facing young school-leavers, such as
begging, prostitution, working in factories
and mines, is perhaps as likely to be
hazardous to their health, physical,
mental, spiritual, moral or social
development as training in the armed
forces.
Rather than encourage enlistment,
Non-CAF Funded
page 22
Mummy says I shoultln 't uilk lo strangers
childhood section -nhowever, the Red Cross advocates addressing the underlying social issues that
contribute to the vuinerability of children
such as poverty, unemployment, and education. Organising activities for children
at risk of becoming child soldiers is imperative to ensure that children do not
view recruitment as the only option for
providing them with the physical and economic security that they so desperately
need.
Recognising that the Convention cannot
exist as words alone, the Red Cross also
supports the establishment of regulatory
bodies to ensure implementation of the
Protocol a n d practical measures to
protect and assist child conflict victims,
as well as the provision of assistance to
former child soldiers in the rehabilitation
and re-integration process.
Enforcement mechanisms:
A law is only as good as its ability to be
enforced. The optional protocol to the
CRC provides for the Committee on the
Right of the Child to "seek further
clarification, information, or comments
from any source" in order to ascertain the
validity of any information received
detailing a breach of the protocol. The
Committee is also empowered to 'initiate
a confidential inquiry, which may included
a visit of its members to the territory of the
State party concerned", but "such visit
could take place only with the consent of,
or after consultation with, the State party
concerned." The Committee then
transmits their findings, along with any
appropriate
comments
or
recommendations to the State party
concerned.
Such a process, however, is very weak.
The fact that visits to the territory of the
State party concerned may only occur with
that State party's consent means that any
State violating the protocol is unlikely to
be very cooperative with the investigators.
The areas accessible to the investigators will be limited by the State party's
desire to conceal the unsavory, and information will be available solely at the discretion of that State.
Furthermore, any incentive for the State
to cooperate with investigators or comply
with the protocol is effectively removed by
the confidentiality clause. It is naive to
think that State act in any way other than
for their own interests. Without the threat
of international condemnation, political or
trade sanctions, or intervention. States
have little to lose by non-compliance or
non-cooperation.
Such argument is evidenced by the
United Nations ineffectiveness in enforcing the ICCPR. United Nations investigators examining Indonesia's treatment
of dissidents and East Timorese likewise
required the consent of Indonesia in order to investigate. The Indonesian government refused to allow investigators to
enter certain parts of the country or speak
with certain groups of citizens. They repeatedly denied allegations of gross human rights violations including disappearances, torture, and extra-judical killings and ignored the recommendations
of the UN EcoSoC to institute mechanisms aimed at reducing those violations. To date, no action has been taken
by the United Nations in enforcing their
recommendations. Similarly, many
^_
Small
change
can make
a big
difference.
States party to the CRC, including
Australia, continue to breach
numerous existing provisions with
impunity.
Unless members become more
willing to comply with the provisions
of the CRC themselves and take
more assertive steps in forcing
other States to do so, the optional
protocol will be little more than
sweet words on paper to appease
the conscience of the world.
Danielle Ujvah
Support Candle Day, Friday October 23.
If you can spare some time, or a few
dollars, please call 1800 808157.
amnesty international
When Innocence
t
A three year old boy who thinks his
name is "shit head", a twelve year old
girl whose mother's new boy-friend
decides to visit her bed room at night,
a nine year old boy who won't change
for sport because his body is covered
with bruises... Say good-bye to
innocence, say good-bye to childhood.
Childhood captures a unique state in
which development is encouraged,
exploration rewarded and rights taken
care of. But when a child falls victim to
abuse, there is no nurturing of these
ideals and there is no care taken of
their rights. Each year approximately
32,000 phone calls are made to the
Department of Human Services
regarding cases of suspected child
abuse. Each report has to be taken
seriously. Of these calls only 15,0016,000 are deemed necessary to be
directly investigated. Consequently the
future of the other 8,000 children that
are not investigated, lies upon the
decision of the protection worker. Out
of the cases investigated, 7,000 of
these become substantiated cases of
child abuse. The fact that so many
children are falling victim to either the
ruthlessness or naiveity of adults is
devastating, but even more tragic is the
situation that faces the Department and
its workers.
So frequently the blame falls on the
State Department and individual child
protection workers for neglecting cases
of child abuse. Yet they are so often
citicised when they take children out of
homes to prevent further abuse. It is a
real moral dilemma - they're dammed
if they do and they're dammed if they
don't. It is hard to see any way out of
this situation, there seems to be very few
options for the Department, ftflore often
than not the responsibility lies with the
media, a good news day relies on
beefing up a relatively minor story. When
the media gets hold of an 'innocent
family' that has had their child ruthlessly
taken away, the general public is in uproar. It is so easy to misrepresent a
situation, if this child wasn't taken out of
the care of the family they very well could
have been harmed, in which case the
media could have focused on that
situation. One only needs to look at past
cases such as Daniel Valerio. Had he
been taken out of care, the news could
have reported on the 'savage
Department; consequently because they
didn't remove Daniel, the media took the
perspective of the neglectful and
incompetent State Department.
Why is this fundamental service so
heavily criticised? Sure, no parent would
like to have their child removed from the
family, but the main stream public also
have some fundamental problems with
the service. People don't understand
that these children are our future - you
can't just ignore the problem and expect
every thing to be alright. Fundamentally
the problem lies with the imposition of
one set of rights on to another group of
people. There does however need to be
some sort of standard. The hard thing is
to decide where that standard lies.
Each year 7,000 children in Victorian say
good-bye to childhood.
Asha Holmes
Statistics supplied from the
Department of Heath and Community
Services.
li!MiUfe!lddlUl«y.l
/ know yuu are, you said you were, but what am I?
page 23
* — • - " " - ' ^ fj^^w
' * * & / / .
i
^i
#
1
^m
i;
Wel^Mitii^^noth^ chillinfPlpsoil^
Donit chios^atural Gas hil'i^ilii;:
'j^-^ti
If your hot water system isn't a Natural Gas unit, chances are thousands of old friends and relatives have already called you more than once.
That's because you still have the luxury of enjoying baths, doing
the dishes, washing clothes and a hot shower now and then.
Not so with Natural Gas Hot water.
Natural Gas units can provide you with the puritanical upbringing
you deserve. Chilling showers at sub-arctic temperatures are Just the thing
to invigorate and prepare you for the day at work (provided your place of
employment has not been forced to close due to lack of gas).
To find out more about the benefits of Natural Gas hot water, visit
your local Gasmart or simply call us on 13 14 27. It's the only "Hotline"
we've got.
Alternatively you can opt for our B.O.2000 Natural Gas unit,
where giving up showering is just the thing to get you through any
gas crisis.
Just in case the state didn't stink enough already under
Kennett, we're proud to make it reek.
Gas and Fool
A State Government Utility
CXD
Vi^idoria
VrON
O M THE HOSE
ohJIdhooci section
Vox Pop
1.
2.
What's the difference between boys and girls? ,
Do you have a boy/girlfriend and do you like boys/girls?
The Interview with
Veronica, 5
1. I don't know.
2. No - I don't kn'bW about boys, I only
want a boyfriend when I'm not little.
LW: Who is cooler, the Spice Girls or the
Ryan, 8
Bacl<steet Boys?
R; The Backstreet Boys
1. Boys are strong and girls are weak.
2. No. They're just war-ground. I've
gone through but they dumped me. I've
had about seven.
LW: What were you doing when you found out
that Geri left the Spice Girts?
R; I don't know.
l~t
A s h l e l g h , 10
1. Girls are srferter, more intelligent.
2. I don't want a boyfriend - boys are
dumb.
LW: At what age do you think that it is no
longer cool to watch Sesame Street?
R: Six.
LW: How many times a weeli would you like
to eat McDonalds?
R: Two.
LW: Do you think you're
pretty/handsome?
Katie, 7
R:No.
1. Girls have long hair and boys don't.
2. No. I think boys are nice 'cause they
play football and I like footy.
LW: What's your favourite book?
R: Cars.
LW: Do you like South Park?
R: Never seen it.
Lee, 8
1. I don't know.
2. Yes - she likes Maccas.
LW: What do you think of the Prime /Minister?
R: He's an idiot.
LW: Who is the Prime Minister?
R: I don't know.
Ben, 6
LW: Do you want to go to University?
1. I don't know.
2. No. They're silly (Ben then proceeds
to piss himself laughing).
R: Yes, 'cause I think you'd learn more than
you do at school.
LW: What do you want to be when you grow
up?
R: An engineer - one who fixes cars.
Laura, 11
1. Girts are .smarter and girls are better
at skipping.
2. No - and I never intend to have one
because boys take up too much time.
Madeleine, tf
1. Girls are smarter than boys.
2. No - boys bug you a lot.
compiled by Michelle Davies & Chris King
Chris and Claire, sitting in a tree K-I-Double
S-l-N-G
LW: What is your favourite TV show?
R: The Simpsons - 'cause they're funny.
LW: Do think President Clinton is a bad
man?
R: Yes,
LW: What does President Clinton do with his
cigars?
R: Throws them away.
LW: What do you think of Pauline Hanson?
R: A dork.
page 25
childhood section
amscape
By Matt Ford
of horror that pass us on the television,
There are dreams, and then there are
wished, and read whatever we desire to
own country, who endure with a dignity
read upon. I had lost my dream. It had
and fade as they age. But they are real,
dreams. I had one once; then I lost it. But
and stoic courage. 'Progress' has lost
been supplanted by someone else's
as real as any other thought that we have.
it came back not so long ago, and I
its relevance in the debate. We live in
understanding of success, and led
As Santiago in Paulo Coehlo's The
couldn't ignore it. Some have said that I
torrid times, where ideology rules over
Alchemist
was
unconsciously into a cycle of competition.
reason. Our environmental abuse moves
hope in their life by holding the dream at
us towards
fooling
myself,
that
it
was
impossible. So I didn't tell anyone. I
I had forgotten what it was to be free.
couldn't risk that it was indeed 'in my
ambiguous,
but
notes, some people keep
sure
arms length, keeping it there lest it not
retribution. It is truly frightening, and it
live up to its abstract beauty, while others
dreams'. So I slept, and was satisfied for
Freedom is doing what we love to do,
sickens me to see and hear everyday
perhaps. In a vocation, there can be
live to realise their dreams. And then there
a while with those nightly dreams which
people
nothing more rewarding. Yet we live in a
are those who have given up their
mostly I do not remember when I wake,
consumerist mantra of superficiality.
where the events of the days merge into
world where much must be done to
fanciful flights and stories which unwind
secure future freedoms and enjoyments.
Yet out of this darkness is light. It is not
into the subconscious in the deepest
Not all things can be enjoyed in the
an easy path to take to admit to ourselves
hours and depths. But it wouldn't leave
present moment. There must be a time
that there are some things that are really
for work and for play. And so most of us
Children need no reason to be happy.
me, for it was a part of me. I had promised
stuffed up. It takes courage to admit the
myself that I would listen to what those
come to university, drawn by some
They just are. We grow out of it though,
possibility of our failure. We need hope,
combination of forces pulling and
many of us. Life gets in the way. In place
depths said, and they said 'listen'.
we humans. We cannot live without it. And
of unconditional happiness we gain
pushing us towards a future that lies
"hope", as
understanding, and complexity, and if you
As a child I loved to play. I loved to run. I
somewhere not entirely within our sphere
Aristotle
are lucky, empathy. I still believe that
loved to climb. I loved to explore. Living in
of influence.
said
a child's world, I had that freedom. There
intent
upon
obeying
the
dreams, and have forgotten to rekindle
that which made their childhood so rich
"is a
and joyous.
happiness in today's world is only
waking
possible if we embrace the tmth of pain
and appreciate what we do have. There's
were no borders in the mind. Everything
Some of us 'kid' ourselves into believing
dream". Yet,
was a mystery to be discovered, a new
that we can outrun 'the system', that we
do
world to discover, and I was a clay shell
might become wealthy enough to become
p e o p l e
life. We are very lucky in this country, even
within which to mould a mind. That
free. The tragic irony is that the pursuit
dream?
the worst off of those who may have the
happened, as to all it must, and the walls
becomes its own entrapment. It is no
What
do
chance to read this. And the difference
that
my
longer enough to be merely comfortable,
they dream?
between us and the majority of the
understandings of the world, impressed
for we approach ever swifter towards
What is a
population is this: we have the opportunity
upon me by all of the external experiences
uncertainty and flux. The sands of change
dream?
to educate ourselves, and to change
and the internal reactions that came of
spread quickly as a desert dune, to sap
I
built
of
and
around
those, came to move me towards that
which is now. Yet walls keep things in
and out. Somewhere along the way I lost
the freedom to explore as I had, to
appreciate the world as the 'open book'
into which we could inscribe whatever we
most
no avoiding pain. There's only avoiding
ourselves, and to the extent that we can
the moisture from our rest time. There
For me it means to be in a place where
realise this, the world about us. When
has got to be more to life than the cynical,
you've always wanted to be, to do what
we bury the child which yearns for
freedom, to follow its imagination and
image-weaving of the media world into
you've always wanted to do. I don't think
which we've been thrust, an economic
that a dream can ever leave us. Dreams
make the world a better place for
and barren politics that belittles the pain
just get buried beneath layers of
everyone, we are burying our future, and
of billions overseas and thousands in our
distractions, just like the vague snippets
ourselves, alive.
page 26
Happy Birthday to you. You live in the zoo.
childhood section
Feral Fur
Ball Files
his arm was
ripped from its
velcro socket
and crushed by
the big wheel's
turbines. Even
the expertise of
Tonia Todman
and Knitting
Nancy were
not enough to
re-attach the
Eippendage.
Marly and the good time duck
After a recent concert with Daryl
Cotton, Early Bird Show icon Marty
Monster was seen entering a public
toilet. Moments later a flustered Plucka
Duck appeared with ruffled feathers and
waistcoat discarded. The lovable rascal
with the gappy smile and contagious
throaty giggle and the cheeky Hey Hey
duck are reportedly continuing their sex
romp at a Kokomo nudist resort.
More than a bear can bear!
Reeling from the shock of being pipped
at the post by Big Ted for the starring
role in the sequel to Caravan of
Courage, njmour has it that Humphrey
B. Bear has had to resort to secondrate gigs. He will appear in the
forthcoming Australian tour of Moscow
Circus: Bears on Ice and despite
vigorous protest, Humphrey will be
forced to cover his bulky lower torso
with a ra-ra skirt.
Prehistoric
Hysteria
The Wiggles
have
been
forced to swallow a bitter pill this week,
with the shock revelation that Dorothy
the Dinosaur is to pursue a solo career.
She described her former mentors as,
'unco-ordinated sexually repressed
geeks with too much time on their
hands'. Dot is
believed to have
a
soapies
cameo in the
pipeline and
may play the
reincarnation of
Helen Daniels
on Neighbours.
You look like a monkey. And you smell like one too.
poeTi
When I was a child,
I knew I could fly
if I took a run up and leapt into the
sky
I was a fairy, I was a flea, I was a
spaceman in my spacetree
Sometimes a fireman, often a rabbit
I soon grew old and out of the habit
silver screen debut. He will take on the
demanding role of Dork Wiggler in
Boogie Days. If his snout is any
indication, the full-frontal gratuitous
genital display is bound to be a showstopper. In further porno news, David
Attenborough, in conjunction with the
Pet Shop Boys is poised to produce a
bestiality documentary starring Humpy
Bare, Matey Monster, Fat Pussy and
Dorothy the Divasaur, backed up by
Sexual Agro.
The trio rides again
The quietude of rural Hampshire has
been rocked to its foundations over the
revelation that Sooty, Sweep and Sue
have been entwined in a menage-a-trois
with Sue as the whip wielding
dominatrix. Anything is bound to be
preferable than being fisted by a skiwyclad English git.
Consumed by greed, enveloped by
lust,
my wings turned mouldy, my feathers
to dust
I'd try to lift up and float all around,
I try to lift up and just crash to the
ground
Passion to ashes and hopes to seed
Too old to cry, too lost to scream
Too old to fly and too old to dream
Lisa Mitchell
Sophie Bryant and Fiona Clark
A Minor Service For
IMonasli Students
Size
is
everything
Snuffluppagus,
Big
Bird's
supposedly
imaginary
friend,
has
accepted
a
lucrative
contract for his
He's 'armless
Agro is said to have gone Into hiding
following a nasty incident which may
have literally torn away a promising
career. Appearing on the Wlieel of
Fortune Celebrity Special, Agro refused
to have a proxy to spin the wheel. After
choosing an 'N for Nelly', the bath mat
went for another spin, a decision he will
regret forever. In a cruel twist of fate,
I
only
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.^childhood section
lost Days of
Youth
Memories of childhood are fun and
what shoes they wore. The different styles
nostalgic. It always strikes me how
fascinated me and I even tried to match
people always talk of their childhood with
shoe types to personalities. I still have
such fond smiles, even if they went
that chart that I drew up that matched
through some hardships. It must be the
smiling blondes to Adidas cross trainers,
innocence of youth, and the belief that
and people who wore baseball caps to
anything is possible that tints those times
high cuts.
rose-coloured, and fills our minds with
such wonder. Oh what a wonderful time It
I loved music and I always listened to
was. The following is an account of one
music as I sat there. After a while (about
of those wonderful times in my youth:
three months) the shoe thing got to be
When I first started high school, it was
became uninteresting to look at jeans
really dull (or the skirts got longer, and it
the first time that I had been on my own.
instead of legs). I began to write songs
The first lime when I had moments away
changing the words to existing music. I
from the protective arms of my parents. It
came
was wonderful. There was a takeaway
"Success", and "Love Is" and even the all
shop on campus, a large playing field,
time classic "Time".
up
with
such
classics
as
lots of basketball courts, and most of all,
with Trun. I got into so much trouble with
writing, before my life found direction and
my parents that they nearly confiscated
purpose. The long days when there were
so many people! I also passed through
There were times when it rained and I
my GameBoy! It was lucky that they did
no worries and nothing could touch my
Melbourne University everyday and
could not sit on the step. At that time I
not.
innocence and words could not hurt me
played a lot of arcade machines.
would go into the cafeteria and play cards.
because I could not understand most of
There was this Chinese game that the
All this was before
basketball, before I discovered poetry and
My days in year 7 were spent trying to talk
guys played for money. It was quite simple
to anyone and everyone, avoiding
and depended solely on luck, but it was
homework and waiting to play games
fun anyway and so I played. I must have
again after school. I also spent most of
lost twenty dollars on those rainy days. I
my recesses and lunch times sitting
was trying to con my friends into playing It
outside of the cage watching the world
the other day but I have forgotten the way
go by. The cage was a term given to the
to play it. What a bummer.
place where all the year 7 lockers were.
They were not in the halls like all the other
At this time I was not very good at English
lockers but outside in a corner of the main
and I had to attend ESL (everybody sucks
school building. There were walls on two
lemons). It was not very fun as it added to
sides and wire fences on the other two
my feeling of being alone. I wanted so
sides with only one entry point that could
desperately to fit in but could not. We even
be locked. It was dark with little lighting,
had to learn French, which confused me
and when one stood inside it really did
no end. I thought things could not get any
feel like a cage.
worse...
During the first years of my high school
...Until the day I got a GameBoy! It was a
life I was a loner. I was really a social
magnificent day in my life. The first day I
outcast as t was a nerd (as much as I
came to school we stood outside French
tried to avoid homework I always did it
waiting for class to start playing link Tetris!
and did it well), I was not from Australia,
Over the next months I made many friends
did not have good people skills, and had
through my GameBoy. Detention was
a vicious temper. With nothing better to
great because we would have Tetris
do, I would sit outside the cage on the
competitions and the half hours passed
step and watch people walk by.
without notice and we would even stay
After a few weeks I would notice things
winner. It was so much fun! I can still
even then, because I would keep track of
page 28
them. It was the last days of my
childhood...
'flu
^CWldhoodPranksc 3n<dShenanigans
Childhood. Those were the days... the
days of smut, cruelly and downright
poor hygierte. If you performed at least
seven of the pranks below, you probably
had a lot of fun as a kid and you were
probably a right royal pain In tlie arse. If
you are still doing these things, well
you'd probably fit in with the Lot's crew.
§
§
§
§
after because we wanted to know the
about them. I must have had a shoe fetish
I discovered
§
remember missing the bus because I got
the last round and was having a playoff
Imitations of bodily functions
(including the use of whoopee
cushions), or as an extension,
employing audio means to record
the sounds of pops/fluffs/crackers/
air biscuits and playing them back.
Employment of all accessories of
the Magic Showbag (ie. plastic
dogshil, rubber vomit and the
icecube with the fly in it).
Placing your personal choice of
faeces in a brown paper bag,
putting it on your neighbours
doorstep, setting it alight and
ringing the doorbell.
Lobbing apples and other
projectiles at moving vehicles.
Hog-tyIng ones sibling and leaving
them there for several hours
without sustenance or any means
§
§
§
§
§
§
§
§
§
of escape.
Mimicking your parents and
friends until they are ready to punch
you out.
Dipping your friend's hand in a
bowl of luke-warm water when he
Is asleep at a slumber party, thus
causing involuntarily urinary
expulsion.
Putting chewing gum in people's
hair resulting in a chunk of hair
missing from an otherwise straight
fringe.
Wedgies and/or dacking.
Merging streams of piss in the
boys' toilets,
Comparing
skidmarks
or
accidentally following through
when you are trying to impress your
mates by doing a massive fart.
Tapping someone on one
shoukjer and then ducking around
the other side.
Burning ants under a magnifying
glass.
Popping half-full Sunnyboys,
thereby creating a sticky situation,
Sophie Bryant & Beau Zlatkovlc
i^^B
Mummy, how are babies made?
i
?
j
j
,
i
childhood section
Epitaph childhood friends
It's a disturbing fact of life that many child
with Agro on the late night kids' show
the palates of kids everywhere. Indeed,
expenditure
stars do not have an easy transition to
Tonight Live he bowed out of public life
Coco's financial success grew to such
detention facilities, "children's" hospitals,
on
schools,
adulthood. When exposed to fame and
for a period. During his hiatus from the
an extent that he was soon able to buy
etc.) make
all its trappings at such an early age, it is
media spotlight, FC wallowed in self-pity
out all existing sugar refining companies
government abolish childhood. The
it imperative
juvenile
that
the
unsurprising that some kids succumb to
and, unable to afford uppers any longer,
(a necessary move given that he was
advantages of such a move are obvious.
the tabloid temptations of booze, drugs,
resorted to food for comfort. However, FC
cutting both his legal and illegal products
Immediate declines in the rate of youth
cheap sex and Scientology. However, my
wasn't down for long and now hosts a
with the substance).
unemployment and youth suicide could
main purpose in this article is not to
show from his palatial home known as
The addictive qualities of sugar and
be expected
lament the fame and misfortune of human
Chronically
Live-In
cocoa could not be kept secret, and
challenged citizens could be put to good
celebrities, but to draw attention to the
use working as chimneysweeps, miners'
Obese Cat with
and
chronologically-
Nurses. Whilst his incessant gags about
imitations quickly popped up everywhere.
sufferings of more reality-challenged
bed-sores contribute to making it
Cocoa didn't care - provided, that is, the
assistants and in other populations that
childhood icons, both animated and
Channel 31's highest-rating show, FC
cereal makers kept out of the drugs trade.
favour small-statured individuals (the
otherwise.
remains scarred for life by his experience
Unfortunately, this was not to be the case,
midget-tossing industry could expect a
as a kiddie icon, and eternally bitter that
and Coco was soon faced with the upstart
renaissance if the proposed policy were
competitors Snap, Crackle and Pop, now
to be adopted).
I do so in the firm and
unshakeable belief that It is not merely
papparazi and tax-exempt religious
his former Iriends" now have such a hit
organizations that are eroding our moral
with their own self-titled show.
fabric, but the institution of family
entertainment per se that is devouring all
who answer its siren call. The following
litany of shame may offend more mature
readers (and I suggest that both of them
should probably go straight to the
conclusion) but it is a tale that must be
told.
Case No. #2 - Coco the Monkey: It would
be wrong to blame all of society's ills on
TV -
one must also consider the
commodification
and
parallel
"kiddiefication" of the breakfast ritual. One
of the earliest pioneers of breakfast
Kiddiefication (and one of its most tragic
victims) was one Coco Hernandex, aka
re-named Smack, Crack and Pot. A
In short, one must put an end to cartoons,
confrontation was inevitable, and a
puppets and other "child"-ish things at
blazing gun battle was organized to be
once. More efficient means of social
held at a suitably exciting locale,
control would be required (the universal
preferably a steel mill or an oil refinery.
When Coco was arrested before the
catering arrangements for the big event
had even been finalised, he knew he'd
been betrayed. Snap, Crackle and Pop
were granted immunity from prosecution
in return for testifying against Coco. Whilst
Case No. #1 - Fat Cat: In order to fully
Coco the Monkey. A
understand Fat Cat, it is crucial to
native of the primate
recognize that for the duration of his
section of Neveriand
professional career FC lived under the
Ranch, Coco grew
shadow of Humphrey. As well as being a
up believing In the
commercial rival, FC saw himself as an
American way. Coco
artistic equal to Humphrey Unfortunately,
felt that with hard
he was ceaselessly ridiculed in the press
work, dedication and
as being a pretender to the throne of kids'
up with a hit Broadway play, but all Coco
slick marketing he could transcend his
TV, and was often plagued with the
can type is "I blame the kids! I blame the
family's humble origins and establish a
suspicion that whereas Humphrey's
kids!"
great food empire. However, when his first
the enterprise continues to bear his
name. Coco was sentenced to life
imprisonment in a federal penitentiary. He
now spends his days chained to a
typewriter alongside 999 other monkeys
tapping randomly The authorities hope
success was attributable to genuine
breakfast venture. Coco Oats, failed to do
well. Coco momentarily lost faith and
What do these two tragedies have in
result of his considerable girth and
embarked on a life of crime. A promising
common? The answer is children. None
abuse of experimental anti-depressants.
career as a drug dealer began, but all the
of these figures would have been thrust
This low sense of self-worth manifested
while Coco sought public acclaim, which
into the public eye had society not seen
itself in strong feelings of hostility towards
in his line meant either becoming a Rap
fit to nurture, educate and entertain our
cast and crew that bordered on the
artist or persevering with more legitimate
children. What is the solution - should
was his ceaseless mantra, often followed
by the sadly
revealing
comment,
"Humphrey doesn't share his credits with
any "friends'". As the years progressed,
FC became ever more isolated and
became increasingly resentful of his own
happy-go-lucky television identity. "I'm not
fat, just portly", he once snapped at a
reporter foolish enough to address him
by his professional title.
Ultimately, FC fell victim to networi* budget
cuts, and after an unsuccessful pairing
My daddy says your daddy's a communist
of
peppermint-flavoured
Prozac, brining back the cane - in the
workplace of course, for schools would
no longer be needed) but the challenges
are not insurmountable. It is on the basis
of the preceding pages of well-organized,
coherent and rational argument that I
present to you, Mr Prime Minister, my policy
recommendations for your second term
in
office.
The Iron Fish.
he and his comrades will one day come
talent, his own popularity was largely the
paranoiac - "Are you really my friends?"
provision
enterprises.
we just abolish children? The answer
A tension thus developed between his
sadly, is yes. Now, I'm certainly not one to
two identities, viz., Coco the successful
advocate the privatization of the means
drug baron, and
of reproduction (although it might be an
Coco: the struggling businessman. In
idea). However, I think it is time society
true Hegelian fashion, this contradiction
recognised that childhood is a social
was resolved when Coco discovered a
construct, and that one has clearly had
way of blending the principles of drug-
very harmful ramifications for a menagerie
pushing and breakfast cereal production.
of animals, cartoons and puppets.
At age 27, Coco became the first cereal
Furthermore, the broader social and
producer to discover the key to kids' hearts
economic
- sugar and cocoa. Within three months
childhood (delayed entry into the labour
of its release, Coco Pops had captured
force, excessively high taxes to fund
costs
associated
with
page 29
&PAW^
^HSrit^C
Te^ArJ irf jiTf^
1 have my eyes closed, because I'm scared, but 1 can tell there are fluorescent
lights on the ceiling because 1 can hear them buzz. 1 can hear the wheels on the
trolleys squeak a little bit when someone pushes them past and 1 can hear when
the other people talk to each other, but 1 can't hear what they are saying because
they are too far away down the corridor where my mum and dad and Nathan
my brother are. Mum said to wait here, she'll comeback really fast, and tell Dad
she went down there. She wasn't fast because the clock says she has taken an
Lot's Wife recently received several entries to the VoiceWorks Short Story hour Dad just went straight through and I don't know if he even saw me. 1 can
hear the clock ticking because there isn't anyone else around.
Competition.Tears o/./oy especially suited the childhood theme of this
edition. We would like to wish the Monash entrants all the best in the
1 was at the football before we came here. Nathan my brother plays football
competition as their submissions were fantastic.
because he is old enough to, but Mum says I'm still too young. My brother
Nathan goes to high school and is nearly sixteen so he is big enough. When we
go to Dad's house we can play football but Mum says bad stuff about him and
sometimes swears about him if we tell her Nathan was playing in the back line
and did a giant kick so the ball went up to the forward line and someone else
marked it and passed it and they got a goal. They didn't quite see what happened which is why they kept playing. Once Nathan kicked it he was knocked
over by a couple of other players, which is okay. But then he didn't get up straight
away and some of the players panicked a bit. Everyone that was watching the
game cheered really loudly because they got the goal. Some of the players were
screaming out because they were scared, because of my brother and then the
coach was coming on to the field. No one really saw what happened to Nathan.
There are nurses, I think they're nurses, in the little room with the sliding windows. They look at me a bit then they say something to each other and then
they walk away or talk into the phone. There's no TV in this waiting room. Just
some cups with brown stains on them sitting on the little table by the chairs.
And there arc magazines on the tables, but these are really old because the corners are bent and all the pages are ripped out. There are no children books or
toys and one of the nurses' came before and put a box of tissues on the table.
She smiled at me and said, 'Don't worry, I'm sure that it'll be fine. He's a great
doctor,' before she walked off and says to the other nurse, 'What a cute little kid,'
and start talking about where my parents are but don't ask me. In front of the
sliding windows bit there is a big stand with little books in. 1 read it and its
about whether you have signed so that you're family can donate your organs.
Once you're dead. There are some posters on the walls which say about how
smoking is bad for you. Nathan told me that dad hates how m u m smokes and
he says that since Dad moved to his house. Mum doesn't smoke as much and
dad smokes sometimes but he says to us that he shouldn't. Mum says she doesn't
care and she always fights with dad when she picks us up. Nathan just stares
out the car window on the way home and doesn't tell Mum what we did and
lets me sit in the front seat then, but he doesn't normally.
I had been asleep when Mum and Dad came to the waiting room. The chairs are
big and comfortable like a couch and Mum was sitting there and crying still
because she thought I was asleep. Mum and Dad said that they cried tears of joy
when I was born and when my brother Nathan was born as well. Mum's crying
now and she almost never cries but lots of times she cries tears of joy when she's
happy. Dad was walking around and running his hand over his head and took
deep breaths like he'd been jogging. Then the doctor came in and talks to them
about what happened when Nathan was still a little baby. When 1 look in the
photo album and there's a picture of when Nathan was a baby and Mum and
page 30
Are we there yet??
gRyArV^ l/^^|^l^
Nathan's room. He doesn't have any flowers. He's lying in bed. There are
tubes coming out his nose and one coming out each arm. There and marks
all over his head and around his eyes are dark rings like a black eye, but he
has a pale face apart from that. He just lies there asleep. There are no flowers.
He doesn't move. Mum and Dad say I can't wake him up though either Then
I ask what's wrong but they don't answer I ask again and Dad hugs Mum
when she starts to cry. Then I want to cry too, but I don't know why and I'm
scared and Nathan just lies there asleep with the lubes and no flowers.
dad looked really happy like I've never seen them. Then there's some of when
he played football and with his friend Jacob who's old enough to learn how
to drive. Nathan isn't old enough yet but it's his birthday in a week and he
will be then. He gets two parties; one with his friends at Mum's house and
one with dad and me and Grandma and maybe Mum will come to that she
said.
The doctor said something to Mum and Dad and 1 couldn't hear what it was
but he had a picture of a person's head and kept talking and pointing at it.
Mum wasn't crying any more then. She just looked at Dad and Dad nodded
a bit and said something. The doctor gave them some papers and a poem
and before they left again Mum was crying again, but sad tears again, and so
Dad said, 'It'll be okay' and I heard. Then they'd gone again but 1 hadn't seen
Nathan come back from down the corridor in all this time. At the football,
after the goal, everybody looks back because the other players are screaming
and the coach is running onto the ground. Nathan is just lying on the ground
and has his face down, lie is moving one arm and one leg and coughing like
he is trying to stand up again but that's all he does for a while. Then he stops
moving and that was when 1 got scared.
Mum and Dad are back again and they've woken me up. But I was already
awake. They tell me that the catscan thing and then the nutritional thing for
Nathan and oxygen but 1 don't understand any of it and I'm hungry. Mum
says to Dad does he want to go but Dad says that she should and he'll wait
here in case they have any news. Then Mum takes my hand and we go down
the long corridors again and past all the doors where all the people are. They
are all kids or big kids like Nathan. Some of them are sleeping. They don't
look sick. There are lots of flowers in the rooms. Sometimes there are visitors.
Then there is some talking, but not noisy talking like in the playground and
no laughing. Only the nurses and doctors. Sometimes they laugh, no one
else. But it's not right. No one has their arms in slings or a broken leg with
plaster that you can sign like when people come to school with crutches.
Everybody looks like they are not sick. They don't cry. If you have a needle
you cry so these people mustn't need a needle so they can't be too sick. Mum
says this is for when you're almost better She's not sure if Nathan will come
here but hope so, and she is crying again.
Mum and Dad are both silting because they are waiting for the doctor They
just sit there, without moving. They don't say anything. They don't talk to
each other 1 can hear the clock ticking and the lights buzzing again. Mum
and Dad don't look at the magazines to get a cup of coffee or anything. Mum
always keeps a book in her bag, and she's always reading it, even if we are just
waiting for a train but she isn't right now. They just sit there sort of staring.
They don't even lean against the back of the chair Dad has his arm around
Mum's back and they look like in the photo album when Nathan was little
but they aren't smiling. They aren't crying. They aren't yelling.
At the football when he didn't move and once everyone had seen and then
Nathan's coach went running on to the field and a couple of other adults as
well and so I did. But Nathan didn't get up and someone said I'm a first aider
call an ambulance and ever)'one was crowding round and Mum started crying then. 1 was scared so I started crying too. Nathan was lying on the ground
and still moving just one arm and a leg and coughing sort of and then he just
lay on the ground and they talked to him and Mum says no he doesn't have
epilepsy. Nathan just lies and someone says, 'Hurry up let's get on with the
game,' and he gets yelled at by other people and Ihey forget about Nathan.
Nathan doesn't move. He doesn't hear anything and they say he is still breathing and alive. But Nathan doesn't move.
Mum wakes me up and says it's late and we're going to go home and we'll
come back and see Nathan tomorrow. Dad'll stay here tonight and come
home to our home and give us a lift to the hospital tomorrow so we can go
and see Nathan. Then she gives Dad a big hug and says to ring as soon as
there's any more news and she seems worried and Dad does loo. It's late
now and the lights behind the sliding window are turned off and the nurses
are gone and so is Nathan's doctor, but nol Dad and Mum and me.
It was in the morning and I'd already got up and so had Mum but 1 don't
know if she went to sleep or not because she was dressed already when she
told me lo get up. I'm eating breakfast but Mum still didn't eat anything only
drinking coffee. 1 didn't understand properly. We were going lo go and see
Nathan when Dad came. All Nathan does is sleep though - so why worr)'? I
can see him and the tubes and is he okay and why no flowers? Dad arrives
and we are about to go. I'm eating breakfast though. The phone rings and
Mum rushed to answer it. She brought the phone into her room last night, 1
think. 1 can't heather talking. Dad has gone to the extension. Then 1 slopped
eating breakfast. I got off the chair and walked round Mum is just standing
still. Her arms are hanging by her side and she sways. She's holding the phone,
but not to her ear and no one is talking on the other end. Mum is just staring.
'Mum,' I say, but she docs not answer me.
'Mum.
'Mum.
'Can we go and see Nathan, now?
'Mum?'
Dad is hugging me. Then Mum is hugging me.
We're all crying. The tears run down our faces
and we're not scared any more.
Vaughn Bayley
Phe doctor comes and says that they go to see Nathan now... he's in a stable
condition and thai it is a little early lo say. We'll give him more tests. I go
with Mum and Dad. We go down a corridor again and all the doors are closed
just about or the beds are empty. And there are doctors if someone is in the
bed. But they don't have the stethoscopes like the usual doctor Then we're at
/'// be your best friend
page 31
m
CfWT'^ l/g!rtr\^
^ree^i^
'Rhian
The golden evening sun flukered Ihwiujh the carriage window and across the
empt]/ seats. The reassuring chckety clack of the train wheels sounded rhythmically m the quietness of the carriage punctuated by the chug of the engine in tlif
afternoon twilight. The sole occupant of the carriage seemed to he part of the new
falling dusk, the soft shadows flickering about her, the sun glinting off the
windows.
She sat in the old padded wooded seat with a certain tiredness,
of one looking for shelter after a long journey. A worn carpet bay
sat in her lap exuding the faint fragrance of laventler which ^
mixed with the woody smell of the rocking carriage. A low I
crowned hat sat on the seat behind her, it's brim slightly over |
the edge. It matched her long sleeved dress whose heav)' black- «
ness was broken only be a purple ribbon and a cameo at her
neck. Her hair was caught in a loose bun at the nape of her neck.
Several strands having escaped captivity, floated languidly.
Her eyes obser\'ed the passing countryside in an almost absent
manner as she stared out the window. At some previous station
she had found a feather left by some untidy bird. She held it like
a charm, rolling it between her fingers where her hands rested
on the sill. As the green countryside idly flashed by she was
reminded of a rhyme from long ago,
Taster than faenes
faster than Wtches...
The words whispered in the hushed carriage. The fields darted
past in patchwork patterns indispersed with woods and hedges.
It almost seemed as though the train laboriously hurried to
catch some unseen creature disappearing into the late afternoon
and only seemed to slow grudgingly The sound of the wheels
became lethargic as they pulled into the empty station.
The sound of crickets greeted her as she stepped onto the smoky
siding, ignoring the out upon grumblings of the train. It pulled
away hurriedly leaving her standing on the deserted platform of
an old country station. It was rather rambling and worn, although well kept. The wrought iron cornices dulled with rust,
and the rickety benches gave it a faintly disheveled air accented
by the slightly overgrown flower pots. There was no sign and the
girl wandered'past the empty ticket booth and out onto the
front veranda. As she turned to regard the station in the evening
half light it seemed to turn in its slumber momentarily showing
itself to be what it was. Some marvellous structure who lay on
the boundary of another land, whose borders were the edge of
sleep. Then once again it was a deserted country station.
She gazed down into the tiny valley that was her destination,
made golden by the evening sun. Some where, down in the
valley, was a small cottage, an inheritance from an absent
grandmother It waited for her She placed her hat determinedly
on her head and hefted her carpet bag. She was smiling as she
started to walk to the village in the last of the evening sun.
Your arrrfS'Sife still around me
in that foreign winter
Then later walking avvay
from the one we loved.
Your loud music rings in my ears,
I expect you to walk through the doorBut my eyes deceive.
They say not to ask why,
but it floats in the air
I don't understand.
1 can't comprehend.
1 may never learn the truth.
Who will answer me now?
^jiTH^
You
You are the one
The one I have been searching all
my life
You
/I
Were you selfish? Yes,
but I don't blame you.
I didn't see, and 1 didn't look.
Were you loved? Yes,
and you always will be.
I just hope you knew that all along.
Now, my words are irrelevant
you'll never read them.
And my words are inadequate
they will never match yours,
You left me with memory,
your humor, our youth
There could have been so much more,
You are pure
As pure as anyone I have ever
imagined
You possess all the qualities
The qualities that 1 have always
wanted
In the love of my life
But, do you know?
Do you realise how 1 feel for you?
Or are you pretending not to know?
Sometimes I wonder
Wondering whether there would be
us
Being together.
HS
Lisa Kilby
Melbourne I n f o r m a t i o n Evening
Call (02) 9514 1589
investigate
j o u r n a l i s m at UTS
Leading Australia in postgraduate
journalism education
Master of Arts in Journalism
Graduate Diploma in Journalism
Graduate Certificate in Journalism
Delivered locally in Melbourne
In Intensive, weekend blocks by UTS staff
For further information:
Fax (02) 9281 2976
Telephone (02)9514 1B89
Email: [email protected]
Dept of Social Communication and Journalism
Faculty of Humanities and Social Sciences
Broadway, Sydney NSW 2007
l^^lTIS
Mcaghan Bell
page 32
I 'm gonna dob on you
pace apoun
;-iS32f .iar:jt' __X^ji
rait"
Balls in po
Billiards. Once a game synonymous with gallantry, prestige and
played with the utmost solemnity. It was an aristocratic pursuitstill reflected in the professional arena. Pristine tuxedos, glossy
shoes and cues adom the players. It is a thin disguise, however,
to what the game has become: a display of physical dominance.
Professional players seem the hardest
of men. They cany the scars of post or
pre-game fights in the pub. It seems it is
in the pub where this quest for dominance
Waxhead no. 1 takes his second shot,
the ball narrowly missing. His ego slightly
deflated he looks down the line of the cue.
"Yep, it's crooked alright."
arises. In the pubs it is no longer billiards,
a game of distinction. Now it is pool, a
Now it is "Bear's" shot. He rises to his
feet, extending himself to his full height
game of display.
of about six foot ten. He puffs out his barrel
This fact became self-evident to me
about a year ago. The scene was the BHP
- the name given to the Barwon Heads
Pub. It is a small seaside town and
seems to be the home of a mixture of
'waxhead'
and 'country
bumpkin'
stereotypes. The testosterone is thick
enough to cut with a knife and the focus
of attention is on the pool table.
like chest, stretching his tattered Metallica
T-shirt. He saunters over to the table,
some beer froth still clinging to his beard
- his face adorned with a "now I'll show
them" kind of grin. He slams in all the
bigs in quick succession, narrowly
dipping the black out of the side pocket.
He walks back to his table quietly
confident - rewarding himself with a
bourbon and two beers.
fashion, the table rocking at
My presence as a female is an oddity,
and the fact that I know which end to hold
the cue even greater. As I am with a male
friend, my presence is accepted as the
little woman. First we watch the table. This
is a title fight between youth and maturity.
'Wozza and Bear' vs. two arrogant young
surfers from Ocean Grove.
The fight begins.
'Waxhead no. 1' breaks - ramming the
white ball and almost mounting the table.
The balls fly and one drops. The old men
watching the races turn and nod with
approval. However, no one has seen
which one.
All four men stand around, the bristles
on their necks stand up - poised for
attack - there is a resolution as the ball
rolls past the window - they are on
Waxhead no. 2, a moment ago mouth
the assault. We shake
open in disbelief, now composes himself.
hands again and 'Wozza'
He stands up with a mask of bravado
says: "I don't mean to
which hardly hides his nervousness.
be...ya know, sexist (almost
"Clean-up mate," says Wax head no.2.
choking), but you're not bad
for a girl."
"At least ya keep ya pants," Says 'Wozza'
before he slams the black down the
I accept the compliment as
corner pocket. 'Wozza' and 'Bear' stand
the
by the table they own like peacocks
circumstances. I have not
displaying. They wait for another 'victim'.
lost any respect by losing,
rather
best
under
won
some
the
for
My coin is up next. I rise and shake the
knowing where the coin slot
hands of my opponents, as does my
was. 'Wozza' and 'Bear'
friend. There is a collective mutter in the
had
pub - "girls can't play pool". I pocket a
ascendancy in the glazed
couple off the break, and can hear 'Bear'
eyes of the pub.
not
gained
any
muttering "Not bad, mate". I turn to thank
him for the compliment and find he is
DOWN
THE
NOTT:
After all I'm 'just a girl'.
directing it to my friend. I guess at the
The dotting Hill Hotel
260 - 262 Ferntree Gully Rd
Clayton
BHP, you can only congratulate males.
smalls. Even this is an insult - everyone
knows smalls are good-luck.
Go BANANAS
We are able to pocket four balls before
we are done away with in a similar
Mi-iss, how do you spell antidisestablishmentarianism' ?
Kim Pearce
rpac3e asoiu n
travel
,iil
tst.
bung Man
children and physically disabled
to do this? Nonel Except of course cliched
children.
motivation and enthusiasm. If you want
more info, check-out the website at http:/
Want to do something good for the world without it being really
complicated? Want to get away from all the election mud
slinging? Don't mind a bit of hard work? Like travelling? Got
summer holidays with not a hell of a lot planned? Then you'll
probably want to hear more about "Youth Challenge Australia",
or YCA - and don't get turned off by the kitsch name.
depends on what is available at the time.
Examples of past projects include:
Infrastructure building: construction
people (defined as eighteen to twenty-
of a kindergarten classroom, a thirty-
five year olds) the opportunity to travel as
three metre suspension bridge,
volunteers to developing countries and
women's work centres, a community
centre, a children's playground;
work on connmunity development projects
for a ten to twelve week period. And if
§
Medical/Health: selection
processing of 116 cataract operation
before, you'll know that there aren't a hell
patients, administration of over 2100
of a lot of opportunities like this for young
measles, diphtheria, polio, tetanus
people around.
and whooping cough inoculations in
poor and/or remote communities;
§
Sydney - at [email protected]. or if you're
Gyanese people.
feeling rich, give them a call on (02) 9514
Environmental: cleaning up of a river
^"^MROU
CE X
APE
'FieJ
Canberra
$36
Albury
S2A
^45
SB7
Byron Bay
Brisbane
$a&
$1M
bed and establishment of a waste
Sydnev
America), though they have also run
recycling program to maintain local
environmental
Qiiiilm.
projects in the Solomon Islands and in
the Arctic. A number of projects are
restoration and construction in
trail
specifically planned to fall into the
National Parks and wildlife reserves,
Australian university summer holidays;
flora,
though some projects run at other times
collection;
of the year if you're taking a year off from
§
insect
Education
and
and
marine
life
Awareness:
university or whatever.
education on malaria, promotion of
The four broad types of projects, of which
preventative health care education
you generally get to work on two, are:
programs, social
infrastructure
building; health and
Mahaica (Guyana) involving tutoring
medical; education and awareness; and
and recreational programs and
environmental projects. You do get some
skills sessions for former street
dental
page 34
hygiene,
guiding
initiatives
MELBOURNE')
AU*;
(Central America) and Guyana (South
quality,
Kylee Roberts
and
you've ever looked for this kind of thing
YCA currently runs projects in Costa Rica
national office - which is located in
locally identified by Costa Rican or
qualifications and prerequisites you need
preference as to what you do, but it also
§
colonial overtones, all the projects are
5117 or (02) 9514 5512. Thanks.
government organisation, being nonand religiously neutral. It offers young
/www.uts.edu.au/oth/yca. or email the
I guess you're wondering what kind of
YCA has the usual features of a nonprofit-oriented, 100% volunteer, politically
And if you're wondering about any
of
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Israel
Ireland and Israel, and the other for
Childhood and Israel - it took me a while but finally I made the
connepttQn. It's so neat realty if you think about it. Israel is a'
';>y,r!g country, the Holy Land is the birth of three worlriL
j f ^ s , and humanity began in Africafr^ecause oHhe
0(niiilk.CQiJ||iffiMilMiPws that in the last edition of Lot's
people going anywhere else. And let's
Nel.'l
I know that going to Israel is generally not
on the top of the traveller's list. I had
doubts too when I saw the security gates
at the airport - one for people going to
I
face it, travelling In Israel is no walk in the
park. Not only is it a war zone (even ticket
(V'.-fcriiWi. I
inspectors carry Ml6s), but it's hot, dusty
and few people speak English. That's not
dropped some acid and went to Saudi
to say that it is no fun - it's just an intense,
Arabia on a peddle-boat. They intended
eighteen year-old, dancing at a nightclub
The Religions
with an M l 6 strapped to his body. This is
extreme kind of fun. But at least you will
only to look at the fishes in the Red Sea
Although Judaism is the chief religion,
one feature of Israeli life that I never could
be jolted out of your middle-class
but
there
quarters
adjust to. The ever-present reminder of
sensibilities and there is, after all, more
themselves at gun point on the coast of
(sometimes off-limits to tourists) and
war and soldiers our age toting heavy
to travel than drinking games.
Saudi Arabia. The Saudis eventually saw
some Christian communities. Nobody
artillery was depressing. Once you get to
the joke and sent the boys back to Israel
is too concerned about
atheist
know people and make friends the whole
(by peddle-boat) where they were
travellers traipsing around and in
situation becomes even more difficult and
arrested for trying to steal a peddle-boat
places like Tel-Aviv, the people are
you realise how ugly and murky their
The People
got
carried
away
and
found
are
large
Arab
Israelis are world-renowned for two
under suspicious circumstances. The
more casual about clothing and
reality can be. So while the guns are
things: rudeness and good looks. The
moral here is: if you are in Israel and still
observing rules. Even on Shabbat (the
always there, don't expect to ever get
rudeness usually manifests in ignoring
traveling after ten hours, via peddle-boat
Sabbath- held on Saturday), some
used to them.
other people, pushing and shoving
or any other vehicle, you are probably not
shops are open and people tend to go
through crowds, and speaking very loudly.
in Israel anymore. The other moral is
about their business. There is no real
But at the same time don't be put off. It is
Israelis call it like they see it; if you are fat
don't take acid while in a peddle-boat.
noticeable drop in traffic either, which
such an intriguing place and can really
is a shame because Israelis are crazy
leave an impact even after years of travel.
Israel is tiny (four hours driving north to
drivers and it would be nice to get
After all there is nothing quite like the
not big believers in small talk and
south) but there is plenty to see. Some of
some respite from the predatory cars.
Middle East to challenge your comfort-
pleasantries and while you may be
the highlights include biblical gems like
However,
zone and get you thinking...
temporarily offended, you do get over it.
Jerusalem, the Wailing Wall, Bethlehem
atmosphere becomes more intense
Besides, there is something refreshing
and the Dead Sea; trendy Tel-Aviv with its
and in places like Jerusalem you
they'll tell you, if you are tired they'll just
shrug and say, "So go to bed". They are
outside
Tel-Aviv
the
in that sort of base honesty and no-crap
you-have-to-see-it-to-believe-it rotating,
would be wise to respect religious
attitude. You may find that you start to pick
light-flashing musical fountain; and
holidays and codes of dress. It is the
up strains of it yourself.
resort-like Eilat with Red Sea snorkelling
Perhaps to compensate for their harsh
the Dead Sea - if you are going in (and
words, they are a fine-looking group of
you should-it's fun) don't shave your legs,
and diving wonders. Just a note about
people and visitors are often spell-bound
underarms or face - 1 was a fool and paid
by the strange middle-eastern charm.
the price.
While many travellers extend their stay,
mistake to assume that people don't
take that seriously.
All Israelis are required to serve time
Dahab is also worth mentioning although
army service and religious conversion set
in the army and are issued guns during
strictly speaking it's in Egypt (a point that
in.
their conscription. In order to crack
Israelis will happily debate). Dahab, run
down on illegal trade of arms, the army
by the Bedouin tribes of the Sinai desert,
imposes
strict
penalties
(like
is where the middle-eastern version of
imprisonment) for lost weapons and
R&R reaches a peak. Full of hippies and
the result is that at least half of the
Israel is so tightly wedged between other
not much else the pace is mellow and
population is armed. Things can get a
countries that several years ago two
the scene hazy. Weeks blend into months
bit freaky when you have a drunk
English lads staying in the south,
when you are in the Sinai.
My friend likes you
tted HO* f>^S\0
^\th
STP^ Travel.
The Guns
the passion can cool when the reality of
The Land
Jess Stokes
Holy Land after all, and it would be a
Singapore
eangtcOK
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IvUQIO L U m p u r
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tou'u finrf us a*:
Union Building
Monash University
Clayton Vic 3168
rel-9906 3128
•»X^. *' • L : * i * ^ _ "
Big Ba
<^
So you've gone out on the town and hit a big
Uni ball with some friends or maybe that
someone special. It's very tempting to ask at
the end of the night, was it a good ball? Well,
we can answer that question for you.
^\
r/'
We have gone to all of the faculty
balls this year (The Grand Slam')
so that you can get a feel for all of
the balls and decide for yourself,
place would have to be the Engineering
Biggest dance floor: Science
where will you spend those hard
Ball proving that themes for balls aren't
Smallest dance floor: Law
earned dollars?
a bad idea. Rounding up the podium
Best music: All but Science (thanks
would have to be the Commerce Ball,
to Team X DJs' stranglehold)
Well, for my money I think the best
the biggest and still one of the best.
Easiest to get tickets: Arts
ball all round this year would have
Hardest to get ticket: fs/ledicine (and
to be the Arts Ball. While it was very
A few awards:
that's not because it's good)
similar to a couple of the others, it
Best food: Science (thanks to the North
Quickest selling tickets: Commerce
felt friendlier as people who didn't
fvlelbourne Football Club Caterers)
(got it down to about 20 minutes)
know you still danced with you (easily
Best venue: Tie between Commerce
Best security: Science
and Science
Worst security: Law
seen in the Conga line)! In second
It's not what you think
Friendliest ball: Arts
Best dress ups: Engineering
•'-^3
•
\
Most stuck up crowd: l\/ledicine
Biggest
drinkers: Arts
(sorry
Engineers, close but no cigar)
Earliest spew; fi/ledlcine
Best looking ticket: f^edicine
The Ballmeister
Where's the girlfriend?
\
page 36
You 're ugly
Musical Prediction
« « 8
w
•
« ^ 3 «
i i v * » « » * < » a i
hen it comes to foretelling the future, only the most
idiotic fortune tellers would go near the subject of musical trends. As notoriously fickle as the music industry is, there are certain guidelines that never seem to
be broken. They are:
1. Australian Music will always be
criminally underrated.
2. People like Celine Dion will always
be able to make a living.
3. In cold water, you just can't beat Cold
Power... (actually, you probably should
ignore that last one).
- The Beastie Boys will finally lose their
cool status when they re-rclease their
first album Licensed to III with its original moniker, Don 'I be a Faggot.
- Oasis will complete their thug image
by shaving their heads and naming their
new album Be Nazi Now.
However, since we here at Lot's Wife are
in possession of an Al, high grade,
primo crystal ball, we thought we might
make a few cautious stabs at what could
possibly happen in the twelve months:
- Michael Jackson will write good quality Motown, (that was just a joke), and
then start dating a Spice Kid (that
wasn't).
- The Spice Girls' offspring will form
a new group. The Spice Kids.
- Ravers will stop waving Glo-Sticks
around, and start to spread the gooey
contents all over themselves (we hope It
gets in their eye and they have to go to
hospital).
- The alternative of the mainstream will
now become the mainstream of the alternative.
- Ska music will finally put some intelligent and thoughtful lyrics into their music.
- Puff Daddy will conquer the last uncharted territory for himself, the country
remix.
You smell
- Usher's abdomen will be found to have
been cloned from Peter Andre.
- Marilyn Manson will be found at'
home wearing a chain wallet and extremely large Adidas track pants.
- Heroin is no longer passe, it's cool
again!
- Musical predictions will not come true.
Ever.
Andrew "Terrance" James and
Anthony "Philip" Brasher
page 37
After two and a half years, Sepultura
have reformed to release their sledgehammering album. Against. With more
energy and ferocity, along with new
vocalist Derrick Green, drummer Igor
Cavalera happily talks about the band
and their new project with Lot's Wife.
Where did you get the idea for the title
Against!
It was actually the name of one of the songs
before it became the album title. We were
fighting very hard to keep everything
going with the band and it just felt like,
once you start fighting, a lot of elements
become "against" you. We fell it was a
very strong title,
Where did you get the ideas for Against"!
I've noticed a subtle Japanese influence
throughout the CD.
Well, in many different ways like we've
always been open-minded about our
music. We never did restrict ourselves
from different styles. In this album there's
always different stuff that we didn't do in
Roots including working with the Kodo
drummers in Japan. It's just these things
which are very important to keep our
page 38
music alive and to bring new elements into
Sepultura.
What was it like meeting Derrick
Green, and have you heard him sing
beforehand?
When you were playing with Kodo in
Japan (for "Kamaitachi"), where did
the idea come from initially to
incorporate their style of traditional
percussion?
I hadn't (laughs). He was this person from
New York. We knew someone who
worked there who knew Derrick, always
knew his band
and had seen
him perform so
we didn't really
. . . That feeling has been really see him until
we got together
strong with us . . .just doing in Brazil. It was
a big surprise
things, unpredictable things.
for us. He puts
a lot of energy
into his vocals.
I think in many
different ways,
it's like a
dream coming
true for us
because we've
always liked
Kodo and their
music and the
philosophy
behind it. For us to be there face-to-face
with them and to feel the power of their
drums... it was amazing. It was great to
see how open-minded they were to work
with a band like Sepultura. I think the way
they really put all their energy into their
music and at the same time, trying to keep
their culture alive by travelling all over
the world. That's something that we try to
do with Sepultura so that whole
philosophy really fits with what we do with
our band.
When Max Cavalera (former vocalist)
left in 1996 over management and
direction issues, what did you think
would happen with the band and your
future?
Many different things went through our
minds, including just quitting the music
business. I was thinking of
not playing music anymore, that it was too
much of a hassle. Then I spent a lot of
time in Brazil with my friends and my
family to show me the other way around.
It was something that I've been fighting
for all these years and it's just something
that I couldn't stop because it was
something that I really loved to do.
Do you still remember what it was like
when you first played?
Yeah, 1 mean, definitely that feeling has
been really strong with us... of really
breaking barriers and just doing things,
unpredictable things. It was important to
keep our spirit alive.
On a lighter note, what's the most
insane thing you've ever seen at a gig?
We played this show in Tijuana, Mexico
and I was playing the drums. There were
two balconies (opposite each other) and
the stage. So 1 was playing, and I saw one
person jump out of one balcony and the
other guy jumped from the opposite one
and they hit each other mid-air and fell on
top of the crowd. I get to see a lot of crazy
shit while I'm playing.
Gavin Tan
You're a pea brain
Childhood Memories
1) What was the name of Astro Boy's f;istef?
2)
Who were thetwo leads in Ch'Ps (California Highway Patrol)'
Well, this is the last one so let's get to il. On the gossip front,
Leonardo DiCaprio has his bits showing on the internet and in the
latest Playgirl. The shots of Leo in the buff were taken a.s stills
from his appearance in the film Total Eclipse. Speaking of people
who have had pictures of them naked published, Brad Pitt is
rumoured to be engaged to Jennifer Aniston. This is a big step for
two people who not so long ago claimed to be nothing more than
really good friends. But hey. with friends like that everyone is set
for life!
3) Who was the leader of the Autobots, and who was: the leader of the Deceptacons?
4)
What year was Marty sent back to in
I <^.^T^'''~'
\
B^mnythe^tute7
.
(0
5) What was the name of Barbie's band?
•'"SM'Sji-'
6)
Name Kevin's girlfriend, best friend and brother, from The Wonder Years.
7)
What were the surnames of the two Coreys? (Think Goonies)
8)
Name the hero from The Neverending Story, his "luck dragon" and his Native American pal.
9)
What was the name of the spng Kylie a n ^ a s o n sang t o g ^ e r ?
10) Name Atex P. Keaton's two goldfish, from Family Ties.
11) What crap piece of memorabilia was every primary school kid given in 1988?
'*''*
12) Name the three Good/es.
13) Write out the theme song from Diff'rent Strol<es.
The first person who answers this quiz correctly (and that's up to me), will win a slab of Bundaberg
rum and cola.Mmmmm . .. Bundy.
ADVERTISING
P a S I T I D N
CDDRDINATDR
P U R P O S E :
To sell advertising a n d s p o n s o r s h i p in o r d e r to f i n a n c i a l l y s u p p o r t the p r o d u c t i o n of
a p p r o x i m a t e l y ten issues of Lot's Wife
A further point of discussion on the grapevine is the 'no show' of
Geri Haliwell at "Scary Spice" Mel B's wedding. It's one thing to
leave the group but it is quite another to leave friends. Then again
maybe Mel B only invited Geri knowing that she wouldn't come
so she would look like the bad guy once again. Either way, who
really cares? It is just the Spice Girls.
There will be a heap of films out over summer and some of them
look to be worth the wait. A mystery-thriller called Snake Eyes,
starring Nicholas Cage, Gary Sinise, Stan Show and CarIa Gugino
is set to hit the screens. It is directed by Brian De Palma of The
Untouchables and Mission Impossible fame and revolves around
the assassination of the US Secretary of Defence.
A black comedy about a brutally misogynistic doctor, a lecherous
drama professor and his bitter bisexual girlfriend will also be out
soon. Your Friends and Neighbors stars Jason Palric, Ben Stiller,
Aaron Eckhart, Amy Brenneman and Catherine Keener. The di
rector of this twisted tale is the man who brought us the film In the
Company of Men.
Two other films to watch out for arc The Negotiator - an action
thriller starring Samuel L. Jackson and Kevin Spacey, and 200
Cigarettes that sees Courtney Love, Christina Ricci, Ben Affleck
Casey Affleck, Gaby Hoffman, Paul Rudd and Janeanc Garofalo
all play a part.
per year.
Videos out in October include The Man in the Iron Mask, Jackie
Brown, The Peacekeeper, Anastasia, Total Eclipse and The Assignment.
M A J O R
R E S P O N S I B I L I T I E S :
SELECTION
CRITERIA:
-Selling advertising and sponsorship for Lof's Wife,
including cold calling and putting together pitches and
packages involving the paper and m a i n t a i n i n g
relationships with existing contacts.
-Record keeping, including the maintenance of a
database of advertisers and sponsors.
-Preparation of advertisements, including design, as
required, and informing Editors of placement needs.
(in order of Importance)
1. Previous experience in sales or as the
sponsorship officer of a club or society,
or similar community based organisation;
2. Knowledge of advertising terminology,
along with an understanding of printing
specifications, terminology and
processes;
3. The ability to monitor budgets and plan
APPLICATION
accordingly;
4. Basic PC and desktop publishing skills
- e.g. Adobe Pagemaker, CorelDraw,
Word and Windows 95;
5. Ability to commence work immediately
after appointment will be very highly
regarded;
6. Demonstrable understanding of basic
DETAILS:
Applications addressing the selection criteria should
be addressed to Ms. Juanita Fernando, Manager,
Student Media and Programs G r o u p , Monash
Student Association, Wellington Road, Clayton,
3168.
For information about the position please phone Ms.
Juanita Fernando, 9 9 0 5 4 1 6 3 (extn. 5 4 1 6 3 for
internal calls).
Mu-um, I'm hun~gry
sales and marketing concepts;
Enjoy!
Just a quick flash back:
Worstfilm'of '98 -Spice World
Funniest film of '98 - There's Something About Mary
Worst hyped-up film of '98 - Godzilla
Best couple in a film in '98 - Ben Affleck and Matt Damon
Favourite films of '98 - The Boxer, City ofAngels, Great Expectations.
Claire Hammond
MARILYN
MANSDN
MECHANICAL
ANI-
MALS
•••-*
Everything about Marilyn Manson
screams gimmick. Following on from
the likes of David Bowie, Mr. Manson
has adopted a new persona for
Mechanical Animals. Known only as
Omega, it's more a glam image with redstreaked hair, red eyes and a wardrobe
that is best described as "alien sex
fiend".
All this imagery may be specifically
designed to take the focus away from
the music. Manson has always been a
circus sideshow, with his antics being
"reported", however overblown, in
almost every paper in the known world.
Indeed, much of his opposition would
never have heard his message (or what
they perceive it to be) if it hadn't been
for his on-slage mutilation, sexual antics
etc. But when you get down to it, an
artist should be detlned by the music
they create. Mechanical Animals steers
away froin the typical darkness of
Antichrist Superstar and Portrait.
Keyboards and eleclronica have adapted
Manson's sound to something which
overtakes the cliched "god is dead"
message. Mechanical's
theme is
twofold. It is acommcnt on the fame and
stagnant state of the music industry, and
an exploration and acceptance of drugs
in the modern world.
The album begins with the amazing
"Great Big White World", but like all
of Manson's CDs it fluctuates between
songs which totally redefine music and
those which simply evaluate his amazing
ego. Songs such as the new single "Dope
Show" and "Rock is Dead" simply bore
the listener. Image may be important to
musicians, but when that image becomes
focus, the music and ultimately the fans
lose out.
Brett Peebles
PERDITA
DURANBO
T H E
ESSENCE
DF
THE
THING
ND
SCRIPT - No
STARS
Rating: No stars, no script either.
I usually try to keep to a structured formula
when writing reviews. Namely, beginning
with a brief introduction, followed by a
plot outline, my opinion and a conclusion.
Perdita Durango, however is a case where
all that goes out the window and a trashing
must ensue. The next 2(X) words or so will
be spent shit-canning this crap-pile film.
I am quite sure that I would sooner choose
to eat a flaming pile of smcg before I ever
went to see this film again. Apart from the
slack acting, poor scripting, pointless
violence, excess use of meaningless plot
devices and the pile of shit directing, this
film still has nothing to offer.
The press kit promises 'a wild ride of sex,
lust, humor, and action', this is true for
about seventy-four frames, and the rest of
the fliiti is spent wasting good cellulose
and ink, which could be spent boring laffy
students with shitty lab safety videos.
Thankfully, some bastard stole my press
kit, so lean never be reminded of the 120
minutes of my life that I want back.
Interestingly, this film reininded me of The
Who's rock opera Tommy, because I
wished I was deaf, dumb and blind for the
whole film (Especially Rosie Perez's nude
scenes). If you think that is offensive to
deaf, dumb and blind kids, then think of
this: THEY CAN'T READ IT, AND YOU
CAN'T TELL THEM ABOUT IT. Just
like the film (lucky bastards).
Warren Ng and Duncan Lockie.
page 40
MADELEINE
STJDHN
The Essence of the Thing, the thing
being love, traces the shape of a breakup from the moment the bomb is
dropped into Nicola's lap to when she
manages to gracefully put it behind her.
HOLE
CELEBRITY
SKIN
••••
Hole once revolved around angst-ridden
lyrics, heavy guitar riffs and a bitchy
grunge princess Courtney Love. In
recent years Hole and Love have both
had a complete metamorphosis. They
have turned down the angst level and
turned up the melodies. No longer do the
heavy-guitar riffs and infernal screaming
overshadow the music. Celebrity Skin's
new sound can be attributed partly to
Love's maturing song-writing skills and
to the influence of Billy Corgan.
the raw edge to it that accompanied their
1994 breakthrough album Live Through
This. Instead, with tracks like "Hits so
Hard", "Dying", "Rose Petals" and
"Malibu", Hole offer a selection of
songs which are completely 'hummable'
and enjoyable. Love is an impetuous
songwriter and I was disappointed to
note that she didn't write even one of
the songs by herself. For those devoted
'grunge' fans, this album will be deemed
as a sell-out, but for music lovers, this
is just a darn good album.
The title track on the album, "Celebrity
Skin", is undoubtedly the best. It has a
certain 'Pumpkinish' feel to it, but this
helps the song's unique blend of
traditional heavy guitar riffs with sweet
melodies. Celebrity Skin does not have
Jonathan is initially painted as the big
had lawyer with a heart of stone and
Nicola, the sweet young thing whom he
indifferently leaves flat-less and loveless. However, St. John saves the novel
with realistic portrayals of both sexes
(even the usually two-dimensional
lawyers), and the tea-and-Kleenex
support of her girlfriends and raging
good time she has clubbing with her gay
male friends.
Unquestionably, St. John's strong point
is her grip on reality. All her female
characters do not equate sex with love
(even though Nicola is a bit of a
romantic soul), and not all her male
characters are unthinking automatons
who'd rather watch sport. What's nicest
is that Nicola doesn't skip off into the
sunset at the end of the novel clutching
hopes of reconciliation to her bosom.
My verdict is that, despite the prolific
English-isms and the occasional touch
of .sentimentality, it is hardly surprising
that the novel was shortlisted for last
year's Booker Prize; the dialogue is
short, sharp and true and St. John's
concise, witty style makes it a cannotput-down read.
Jeremy King
Jo-Anne Weinmar
You 're dumber than the dumbest person that ever lived
KURT
HANNA'S
DAUGHTER
MARIANNE
FREDERICKSON
•••
Hanna's Daughters is one of those
books that's difficult to put down. A
family saga revolving around three
generations of women might sound like
a familiar storyline, but in this case it's
so much more than that. Spanning the
mid nineteenth-century to the present
day, Fredriksson tells a compelling tale
of strong, wi.se but flawed women and
even less perfect men.
Set in the rural border country of the
Swedish lakes and mountains, this is a
breathtaking journey into some very
complex lives. Relationships are tangled
and unpredictable, whether they be
sexual or familial. Mothers and
daughters do not have loving
relationships and nonagenarian couples
(persons between 89 and 100 years old)
are still uncertain of their love for one
another. There is something quite
refreshing about this Scandanavian
writer: her characters are moving and
real and her language is engagingly
simple.
Apparently the film rights to the novel
have just been sold to the makers of the
Neverending Story and Das Boot. The
finished product will certainly be
interesting to see (it's bound to be on
SBS in a couple of years).
Carly Millar
No, it's my turn to play on the seesaw
THE
TANGO
LESBDN
ICE
STATION
MATTHEW
•••
REILLY
Ice Station is set in Antarctica, and is
about the discovery of something large
and metallic buried deep in the ice.
Could it be an alien spaceship? No one
knows, but something there is killing off
American scientists, and it is up to our
hero Lieutenant Shane Schofield and his
squad of Marines to find out what it is.
&
COURTNEY
This documentary may well have been a
Grimm Brothers fairy tale. It follows a trail
of stale bread crumbs, death-threats, and
bong water spillage to an unhappy ending.
BBC's Nick Broomfield follows this
awkward but often entertaining terrain,
briefly accounting Kurt Cobain's meteoric
rise to fame and the events surrounding
his death, before hacki ng away at Courtney
Love's integrity.
Parts of Kurt and Courtney seem like a
tacky fiction crime thriller. Broomfield's,
minimalist 'um' and 'oh' prompting,
seems appropriately 'mellow' for his
interviewees, who more often than not
seem like they're right out of re-hab. With
the natural 'talent' of those interviewed
and the continuous hinting towards the
possibility of murder in Cobain's death, it
seems that this documentary destines itself
to become a white-trash game of Cluedo.
Cobain's death seems somewhat
trivialised in this insensitive game of
'controversy'.
Sally Potter wrote, directed and starred
in her latest film, The Tango Lesson.
Sally is a female filmmaker, who, while
visiting Paris for inspiration, stumbles
upon the tango. In a small theatre she
meets Pablo (Pablo Veron), a dancer
living in Paris, and they agree upon a
deal. He teaches her how to dance and
she will put him in her latest movie. The
two begin to dance together and under
the seductive spell of the tango, they fall
in love. Pablo keeps to his side of the
deal, but can't understand why Sally
can't follow his lead. When the places
are reversed and Sally is in control Pablo can't stand to be led. The Tango
Lesson is an incredibly passionate film
about two people who, both being
leaders, need to learn how to follow.
Shot primarily in black, with scenes
from Sally's movie in colour, the film is
a pleasure to watch, visually. My
problem was that it seemed to drag on
after a while, the first half of the film
mirroring the second half. After about
the first hour, I thought 1 would shoot
someone if I had to sit through another
damn tango scene. Take your mother to
see it, she'll love it.
Ice Station has all the prerequisites for
an action film - exotic location, national
traitors, stunts, high speed chases,
explosions, sexy women, conspiracies,
and the ultimate action cliche - a small
child in need of protection. This book
stays true to every unbelievable thing
you ever saw in an action film as our
hero overcomes one life-threatening
situation after another. He breaks his
ribs, his nose, is shot in the back of the
neck, speared by elephant seals, and at
one point is pronounced clinically dead,
yet he still manages to dive into the
Southern Ocean to single-handedly
destroy a submarine. And if that doesn't
stretch the credibility, how about a
colony of ten foot long, man-eating
mutant elephant seals?? If you like to
believe in Bruce Willis then you should
be able to enjoy this book. Otherwise read only in limes of great boredom.
It's a documentary that accidentally
succeeds in its awkward moments, and
more deliberately, revels in its
underground 'slicc-of-life-ness'.
Georgia Tafi
Afyssa Grant
Darby Hudson
Kun and Courtney shows the making of a
celebrity, and the hyper-reality that
follows. As the documentary's reluctant
centrepiece, Courtney Love seems a
remarkable celebration of while trash, in
all her hypocrisy, grunge glamour, and
•feigned' celebrity. These elements
combine to portrait a woman who has
seemingly made herself famous in order
to define herself against the very elements
of'celebrity'.
page 41
Wmm
SEPULTURA
AGAINST
•••••
Sepultura have always brought different
elements and influences into their music
to keep it fresh. This release is another
prime example. Against does so with a
more subtle Japanese influence and the
powerful drumming style that Igor
Cavalera has adopted adding a new
dimension to their material. The sound of
Sepultura now has a harder edge to it,
with new member Derrick Green's vocals
carrying a sinister low growl, climaxing
in a ferocious snarl. This raw sound can
FEAR
FACTDRY
QBSDLETE
•••
If ever there has been a band threatening
to make a concept album, it has been Fear
Factory. Their animosity to the continual
technologicalisation of the world has been
evident since their, first album Soul of A
New Machine, which contained samples
of such films as Blade runner and
Terminator. They've promi-sed it for years,
and they deliver it in Obsolete.
Obsolete is a journey. It tracks the steps
of a man known only as 'Edgecrushcr'.
The year is 2076AD and "everything thai
you believe to be true is a contradiction".
It's a well-used plot: machines have taken
control, mankind is completely
page 42
also be contributed to the songs now
written as the back-to-basics guitar, drums
and the driving bass lines of Paulo Pinto.
One prime example of their sheer awe-inspiring, yet at times haunting material is
the instrumental "Kamaitachi" where the
band combines their skills with traditional
Japanese percussion group, Kodo. The
whole album is mixed with a few moody
instrumental, their trademark in-yourface material such as "Choke" while still
retaining their distinctive sound (check out
"Old Earth"!) carried over from their last
release, Roots.
Out on the Roadrunner label, Sepultura's
Against will please even the more jaded
listeners of hardcore and heralds their
much-vaunted return. Pre-order, sell your
left kidney, do SOMETHING to get your
hands on this album!
DBPEBATE
Icecream Hands "Dodgy" (Rubber)
Great just what we needed, another fucking You Am I sound-alike band. It's not as
if we have to put up with the whingeing of Tim Rodgers and his retro-grade pile of
crap, but now we have another retro-grade pile of crap that is produced by Tim
Rodgers. Use this CD to throw at the next You Am I concert, then maybe we can
do some real damage to the whingeing ponce. Other than that it's alright.
The Screaming Jets "Cunnamulla Feller" (EMI)
The 'Jets have tried to restart their career again by covering a Slim Dusty song.
And to tell you tlie truth they made a real mess of it. I just wish they'd go back to the
hard cock-rock that they used to be so good at. rather than trying to show everyone
that they're not some one-dimensional rock band. Well I want the cock-rock back!
Other than that it's alright.
The Dandy Warhols "Every Day Should Be A Holiday" (Capitol)
With perfect timing the Dandy's release their most infectious, brilliant and aptlytitled single just in time for summer. All you need is booze, babes, copious amounts
of 'recreational' drugs and this track, and you have all you nfced to groove through
the summer.
The Living End "Save the Day" (Modular)
Another slice of dull, boring 'rockabilly' from the best Fireballs cover band in
Australia. The only reason why this band have come so far is because all the little
Triple J loving, underage, pubescent and ultimately dumb teenagers never heard of
the vastly better Fireballs when they were around. Other than that it's alright.
Gavin Tan
subservient, but a rebellion is forming,
longing for a better way of life. Beginning
with an explosion of chaos and 'terrorism',
Edgecrusher evades the authorities, but for
what? The album tracks his emotions,
from the initial rebellion to an almost
hopelessness and futility. The story ends
with his discovery of an abandoned church
- its use long since forgotten. Is there any
hope for humanity? Only time will tell.
But what makes this story is the
soundtrack. From the opening aggression
of "Shock", portraying the power and
authority of the machines, to the last
beautiful echoes of "Timelessness",
showing an erosion of hope for mankind,
the tale is dictated thoroughly and
thoughtfully. Fear Factory emits the
feelings and emotions of not only the main
character, but also the people and
environment around him. This album is
bleak and depression, but that's what Fear
Factory are all about.
Credit to the Nation "Tacky Love Song" (EMI)
Well it's the end of the road for Radiohead, they've finally been sampled into a
groove ridden hip-hop song. Ripping the opening riff from "High and Dry", 'Nation
have used it as the hook in an otherwise plain and slightly dull track about lurve.
The mediocrity of this song is plainly evident in the remixes, where they not only
leave the Radiohead sample out, but show you the worst ways to remix a song.
Other than that it's alright.
Single of the Edition
Manic Street Preachers "If You Tolerate This Your Children Will Be Next" (Epic)
When everything gets to be too much for you, this will be the track you'll listen to
as you sit back and relax in your car, close your eyes and wind the window up on the
hosepipe you've .stuck in the exhaust. This track is all you ever need to hear as the
carbon monoxide slowly takes you over.
Anthony "Other than being a self-righteous fuck I'm alright" Brasher
Brett Peebles
Why? Why? Why? Why':
The Best Things in Life Are
Free
So now that you're at uni and have access to the internet, how can you take full advantage
of all the cool and F R E E stuff it has to offer. As one of the Poor (like Kenny), I have
been surfing and will n o w help you learn the ways.
N o w the first thing you will need is an email address. It is probably recommended that you
use the Uni Pmail one, but for those w h o don't want to use it (or want some anonymity),
I guess you can search for F R E E EMAIL. But if you're lazy (like me) here arc some of the
most popular ones:
HotMail - www.hotmail.com
MailExite - www.mailexcite.com
Yahoo - www.yahoo.com
I would recommend www.iname.com, because you can either store mail there or have it
forwarded t o an existing email address.
N o w if you want a H o m e page, a quick search of F R E E H O M E P A G E should pro\'ide
you with a list, but some of the better free ones are:
Geocitics - www.geocitics.com (2mb of space)
Freeyellow - www.freeyellow.com (2mb of space)
Tripod - wiA'w.tripod.com
I would recommend X o o m - www.xoom.com because they give you 1 I m b of space and
don't append an)'tliing to your page.
With this web space and the knowledge of H T M L from the last edition, you should get
quite a good page. T h e r e are also some cool stufi o n the Internet to improve your
homepage. Here are just a few of them.
If you have a long web address something like www.geocities.com/alpine/pub/games/
stupid/block098234732/ or equivalent you can get a shorter address through monolith www.ml.org to shorten it to something like alpinl3.homc.ml.org).
Also you can get cool features within your homepage like a guestbook a n d / o r a counter.
There are many places where you can get them from but here are a few that I have found.
Guestbook - www.glacierweb.com/home/
Counters - www.digits.com
And finally, a way to p r o m o t e your web site so m o r e than a few of your friends actually see
it, a homepage at www.musictus.com/gratis/webmasters.htm! has a whole list of free
services about search engines, advertising schemes and other free shit.
A good way to find cool stuff o n the Internet is to seatch under F R E E , bur you had better
have a lot of free time. WeD have fun exploiting the Net!
In keeping with our tradition of placing obscure pictures in the IT pages (and because Disney would have
sued us for printing o n e of their images), we bring you the ultimate p o r n pic to end Lot's '98 in style.
Leslie Liew
<[email protected]>
Site by Teste
There is a wide array of links made available
T h e m o s t prominent feature o n the homepage
through the homepage, with links to the Disney
are the highlights sections, which arc updated
Channel, Disney Books, Music. Art and
o n a daily basis. There's a special theme that
5. yo^Aie.com
Collectibles and, of course, Disneyland itself. I
changes from day to day, also with Family, Kids
4. w^'w.thewiggles.com.au
took a brief tour of Disneyland through here
and Shop sites.
In keepingwith the overall theme for tliis edition
3. w\\.'w. dream wo rksgames-com
and it certainly is worth visiring, especially if
of iM's Wife, Site By Taste is going to have a
2. www.warnerbro5.com
you have a half decent video card and have
Merchandise is easily purchased through this site
look at some sites that are of a m o r e juvenile
1. www.disney.com
never been to the real thing before.
and just about anything you need to know about
received from certain unnamed parties, I have
This ediuon's N u m b e r O n e : www.disney.com
There are some other links to more business
itself or just plain interest value informarion,
actually gone and found some sites that we can
All of us should be familiar with Disney by this
type areas, with links to international Disney
this site has it all. If you have any sort of an
share with those under the age of fifteen.
stage (no comments regarding the American
sites and information regarding careers at
interest in Disney, I recommend you take a visit
ccrporatisation of our youth here!). The opening
Disney. H a v i n g visited D i s n e y S t u d i o s in
Without further ado, the final Top 5 Site By
lire is ' T h e Web Site for Families" and the family
F e b r u a r y this year, that w o u l d definitely
Have a safe and happy break and see you in IJOI'S
Taste List for 1998 is as follows:
theme is certainly very strong throughout
represent an interesting career move.
in '99!
This edition's theme: Childhood
nature. Unlike some suggestions that I have
u p c o m i n g Disney p r o d u c u o n s , the business
Keith
h dip dog shit, you are not it
KendaJJ
page 43
Womens' Officer Report
'Giiiii..
This is my last report in Lot's Wife for this year and I'm
really sad that my term as Women's Officer in MSA is
nearly over. However, it is not over for the large Women's
Officer rants about the recent student elections. As many
of you are probably aware I ran for the position of
President, however a second term in the MSA offices
was not to be. Instead, we will see many new faces in
MSA next year and 1 would just like to take this
opportunity to ensure that all women students on campus
ask questions that need to be asked about Sire's gender
politics.
•
Ask a male member of Bite why he told me 'Impact
didn't win because we needed strong male leadership
in MSA'.
•
Ask Bite people if their ticket and supporters included
a large proportion of people from Christian groups
on campus and whether some of these people are
Pro-life
•
And from there - Ask Rebecca Boreham (next year's
Women's Officer) and any other Bile women on the
Women's Affairs Collective next year if they knew
and still chose to run with and associate themselves
with Pro-lifers in order to win positions in MSA.
Remember: if you are unhappy with any of the answers
or you get inadequate responses come along to Women's
Affairs Collective meetings next year to en.sure that your
voice and any protests are heard and recorded.
I also hope you will be involved in the final Women's
Department project for the year: 'Dissent'. The annual
women-only publication will be starting production in
October/November. A few weekends in October will be
spent in Lot's Wife typesetting, laying out and doing all
sorts of fun things. If you are interested in coming along
please contact me on 9905 5493 or visit me in MSA.
I hope all Clayton women students are successful in
passing their exams, completing their Degree/s and going
on to further studies. Don't let anyone ever tell you that
you can't do something - because, 'Grrls Can Do
Anything'.
Sandra Roennfedlt
This year 5% of red and blue permit sales revenue was
set aside as an Alternative Transport Fund. This money
was earmarked to be used to support projects and
infrastructure aimed at reducing the high level of car
dependence at Monash University.
This decision was a symbolic break from the long held
idea that all money (close to $ 1 mil lion per year) received
from permit sales needed to be ploughed back into
carparking infrastructure.
The Alternative Transport Fund presently provides
enough money to at least get some public transport,
carsharing and cycling initiatives off the ground. The
two projects to be funded over the next 12 months are
the implementation and trial of Carpool Carpark
Technology and the development of aMoruish University
Transport Website.
BACKing in To The Future
The Car Parking Policy Committee has agreed to raise
the Alternative Transport Levy to 8% of red and blue
permit sales revenue for 1999. This means that around
$70,0(X) will be available next year for .such projects.
While the University is showing greater interest in
developing ways to reduce car dependence, it remains
locked into the contradictory strategy of large-scale
investment in expansion of carparking infrastructure.
Monash University intends to extend the multi-level
carpark in the South-East Carpark at the end of the year
in an effort to relieve parking congestion on campus. The
page 44
planned carpark extension will provide an additional 400
parking spaces and will cost approximately $3 million to
construct.
Many Monash people would prefer to see the University
use its significant influence and resources to be a lead
player in the development of environmentally sustainable
transport options in the area around campus.
In constructive, co-funding arrangements with state and
local governments and local bus companies, Monash
could be using its dollars to get major public transport
improvements over the line. The service and infrastructure
improvements we will otherwise be waiting forever forinterchange improvements at Huntingdale Station, express
buses, new bus routes, bicycle lanes on North Rd - could
all be made a reality (and wc didn't even mention a rail
extension to Monash).
Let's hope the University doesn't set the future only in
concrete.
Jim Black
MSA Transport
/ know a song that will get on your nerves, get on your nerves
Lo^iOn
PEItFOiyvliNG
AKTS
AxEXANDER
Robert
Blackwood
flail
THEATRE
rhe Alex reseiTes eight
tickets for student rush, at
$ 10, for every performance
of it's Fit For Life season
Rising Fish Prayer
Tues 6" - 10"" October, pm
Matinees: Wed 7 & Sat 10
Herbal Bed
Tues27"'-Sat31«
October
8pm
Matinee's on Wed 28"' and
Sat 3 1 "
To win one of four double
passes to The Herbal Bed.
name the famous author who
is the father of the main
character of this play. Tell the
box ofBce womai afler9:30am
on Opening night; 27/10/98
CIUBS AND
SOCIETIES
Handel's Messiah
10 November, 8prn
Choral Series S
11 November, 8prn
Concert
Glinka Ruslan and
Ludmila
Brahms Violin Concerto
Stravinsky Petrushka
13 November, 8pm
Staderit
T&eatre
Vinegar Tom
2 and 9 Oct
Adult$15,Conc$10
outside Engineering
Bldg60,8pm
sdV6
The Poe Show
7-10Oct&13-I6Oct
Adult $12, Cone $12
Student Theatre Space
Monash Uni
Society for Creative
Anachronism
End of Semester Revel
10 October
See SCA noticeboard
Sri Lankan Cultural
aub
AGM
13 October
Irish Club
Halloween Party
21 October
Republicans
AGM
22 October
give
lives blood
Shooi!
The crowd is tense. They await the kick-off,
and skills, which come together to produce a
eagerly anticipating a close match. This is to
riveting blend of football. The crowds
be a batde between old and new, established
themselves are an attraction of the sport.
and untested, a clash of both the mind and
Most days the balcony is packed with eager
body. The two teams engage in pre-game
spectators, who cheer the heroes, boo the
bantering, a type of galnesmanship which is
villains (usually the referee), and generally
as old as the hills. The goalkeepers practice
make a nuisance of themselves.
their shot-stopping technique; the strikers
perfect their aim. And from the crowd, one
can hear the cry, "Shoot fucken!"
Engineering Builtding
EH4/60
Union Loop Road
Wednesday October 21
Thursday October 22
Friday October 23
between 9.15am - 3.30pm
Free movie ticl<ets to
all new donors and
current donors who
bring a new donor
at this location.
Free food
vouchers for
all donors.
Often whilst playing a match, 1 will hear a
raucous "shoot fucken!" which signifies that
the person with the ball should take a shot,
We don't play for sheep stations, or even a
according to the crowd. It doubles as a heckle
trophy. Rather, the Lunchtime Sports
against opposition teams, and nothing is
Competition Indoor Soccer is contested for
better than when an opponent shoots too
pride, the passion for the game, and for a
early This expression has become a part of
bunch of crappy tops which are the prize (as
my vocabulary throughout this semester,
modeled by a certain ActiviOes Chair). The
and 1 use it when playing netball and
competition is large (Eii'i note: are we still
basketball, which are also part of the
talkingahouttheActiiities'ClMJr?), with twenty
Lunchtime Sports Competition at Monash.
teams competing in two divisions. My team,
MESS United, was placed in Division A
And what of MESS United? Unfortunately
along with such notable teams as Diego's
our team suffered from a poor start to the
Disciples (last semester's Champions), Sao
competition, a mid-season slump, and a bad
PaoH and a bunch of boons called the Locos.
finish. H o w e v e r , it was well w o r t h
parucipating, especially when the crowd got
The competition has become less and less
behind us against the good teams. I'm sure
aligned along cultural backgrounds over the
1 will be back next season, to once again hear
years I have been involved, although there is
the call of "shoot fucken!"
still the inevitable Greek team and Croat
KM AustTBllan Red Crosa
team. The variety of backgrounds leads to
in.T.mj.nm
an exciting and diverse range of techniques
Edward "Eddie" Wallis
page
45
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Jon Enviro Sumby
Owen Woodberry
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Dave Moreno
Michael McLeking
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Kristie Scarlett
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Kim Pearce
Damien Welch
Georgia Taft
Ben The Graphic Cas
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Duncan You're An Ocean
Alyssa Resident Extraordinaire
Paul Strickland
Jo Engineering Groves
Chris Yodel Doyle
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Hal Greenham
Wuppie
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Ursula Sparkles
Adrian King
Aaron & Simon
Vanessa Net Hack Toholka
Catherine Borg
Raoul Mayer
Mark Arness
Nicole Rodger
William H^O G Boots
Ren Cuttriss
Kristina Batchelor
The Fashion Guru
Christian van der Riet
Mike 'n' Anne Lowe
Kelly Thong
Michael Lukman
Audrey Balderstone
Kellogs Coco Pops
Wendy Lawson
Dave McLay's dad (God)
Michael Cabrie
Gav Mendez
David Godiey
(R)Ozan Ibrisim
Tessa Halliday
Brett Badger
Michele Burns
Gabby '2 Bottles Of Beam'
Andrew The Iron Fish Phillips
Annemaree Camps Walsh
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Nicky (We Love) Dewe
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Malcolm Barr
Nick Lost World Chiam
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Lorraine Park
Fiona Where's My Degrassi
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Johnathan Herft
Simon Hall
Ronii Sifris
Kevin Eng
Belinda Terpenou
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Rebecca Lucas
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Sarah Turner
Lexy Cullum
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Suzanne Smith
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Michael Wilson
Tracey Dwyer
Kenny Ryan
Robert Brackett
Jackie Rowlands
Matthew Balmford
Adam Corbett
Chris Chapman
Adam 'Vote 1' McBeth
Andrew (Waxman) Saunders
Baris
Sky The Squatter Christensen
Darby (Bigger Than Leunig)
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Dom (Buckley's Chance)
Polly Morgan
Simon 'My Big Brother's
President' Saunders
Dave Collis
James Carlo Anthony Massola
Haye Bigguy
John McTiernan
Peter Jackson (30's)
Michael A Sterling
Simon Cookie Cooke
Pretzel
Peter Arts Paper Moran
Sara Williams
Nik Dragojiovic
Jacqui Rowe
Milan 'No News Is Good News
Mulchandani
Benson Ingamells
Willis Symons
Wilmah McGoidrick
Brian Polli
Tom Cassidy
Damien Kinney
Jacky Yap Chee Jin
Nick Shaerf (The Poet)
Madeline (The Other Poet)
CS Epsea (Another Poet)
Ginger Ekselman
Dean Kegs Harrigan
Ben and Macca
Duncan (Smarter Than
Spooner) Yardley
Lisa Hurburgh
Lachlan Real World Simpson
Adam Shareholder Robtj
Marie Open Day Conti
Olivia Hill-Douglas
Greg The Gauntlet Galon
Terri Psiakis
Karl (It's A) Rapp
Amy Carlton
Betty Hanner
Jim Transport Black
Jo '1 Bottle Of Beam' Marshall
Rebecca (WO) Boreham
Hamish Clark
Darnel (MPA) Jeffree
Laureen Villegas
Anthony G Kent
Scott Brewer
Jeremy Screensaver King
Stephen McMahon
Melisa C
Justin Evans
Leila Koren
Angle Wong (Work Exp.)
Nic Weal (Work Exp)
Kasia (swing ads) Wrzesinski
Goodbye & Thankyou!