IN THIS ISSUE: Best of the Valley Readers` Poll Continues

Transcription

VOLUME 9 ISSUE 16
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READ THE PLANET, IT’S FREE
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(256) 533 • 4613
DECEMBER 1 - DECEMBER 21, 2011
IN THIS ISSUE:
Best of the Valley Readers’ Poll Continues, Christmas Angels,
News of the Weird, Miss Merry Christmas Alabama,
The Single Guy, The Jazz Lounge, Valley Planet Crime Report,
The Greatest Music & Events Calendars on Earth!
I
t’s finally here, the Ninth Annual Best of the Valley Readers Poll. This is your chance to help us let the people of the Tennessee Valley, and those visiting
here, know what you think is the best we have to offer. Please let your voice be heard.
All voting will be online again this year! Go to www.valleyplanet.com and let your votes count. Only one entry per email address will be counted so only
vote one time. You can vote from now until December 31st, 2011. The Best of the Valley Winners will be posted in the February 2nd, 2011 Issue! Remember, you don’t have to fill out everything, just fill out what you want. But whatever you do, VOTE! All Ballots Must Be Received By December 31, 2011!
Voting is ONLINE ONLY!
ALL BALLOTS MUST BE RECEIVED BY DECEMBER 31, 2011!
EAT
Best Restaurant Overall
Best Service (Restaurant)
Best Fine Dining
Best New Restaurant (Opened 2010-2011)
Best Coffee House
Best Breakfast
Best Seafood
Best Mexican
Best Asian
Best Italian
Best International (Other Than Those Listed)
Best Pizza
Best Cajun
Best Steak
Best Burger
Best Wings
Best Deli
Best Desserts
Best BBQ
Best Home Cooking
Best Lunch
Best Sunday Brunch
Most Romantic
Best Chef In The Valley
Best Hot Dog
Best Place to Pig Out
Best Sushi
Best Thai Restaurant
Best Vegetarian Restaurant
Best Indian Restaurant
Best Chinese Restaurant
Best Japanese Restaurant
Best Late-Nite Grub
Best Chips and Salsa
Best Health Food Market
Best Cakes/Cupcakes
Best Special Occasion Restaurant
Best Restaurant for Kids
Best Bargain Restaurant
2
DRINK
Best Bar Overall
Coolest Bar
Best Patio
Best New Bar Date (Opened 2010-2011)
Best Bartender
Best Place For A Beer
Best Place For A Margarita
Best Place For A Shot
Best Place For A Glass Of Wine
Best Place For A Martini
Best Sports Bar
Best Place To Dance
Best First-date Bar
Best Happy Hour
SHOPPING
Best Used Bookstore
Best Place to Buy Music to Listen to?
Best Day Spa
Best Florist
Best Nursery
Best Place to Buy Antiques
Best Gallery
Best Gift Shop
Best Wine Shop
Best Place To Buy Musical Instruments
Best Tattoo Shop
Best Adult Store
LIFE
LOCAL
Park
ENTERTAINMENT Best
Best Yoga Studio
Best Golf
& SPORTS
Best Place To Hike
Best Place To Hear Live Music
Best Place For Karaoke
Best Karoke DJ
Best Band Overall
Best Female Singer
Best Male Singer
(The Following Categories Can Be Votes
For Local Single Performers Or Groups)
Best Rock Artist(S)
Best Country Artist(S)
Best Blues Artist(S)
Best Jazz Artist(S)
Favorite Local Sports Team
Best Bowling Alley
#120111122111
Best Reason To Live Here
Best Publication In The Valley
Best Reason To Read The Valley Planet
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 16
THE VALLEY PLANET
In
The
Planet
DECEMBER 1 - DECEMBER 21, 2011
NEXT ISSUE DECEMBER 22, 2011
THE VALLEY PLANET
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 16
#120111122111
203 Grove Ave , Huntsville Al, 35801, phone 256 533-4613
Table of Contents
2
Best of the Valley 9th Annual Readers’ Poll
4
ReLit: Smokin’ Good Reads Worth a ReKindle, Ricky Thomason
4
Adventures in the Tennessee Valley, Tina Leach
5
True BS, Tim Benton
5
Book Review: The Christmas Angels, Katherine Monahan
6
Party of One, Allison Gregg
6
Miss Merry Christmas Alabama
6
Unchained Maladies, Ricky Thomason
7
What Then Must We Do?, Bonnie Roberts
7
BEL CANTO STUDIOS OF NORTH ALABAMA
8
Music Calendar Begins
8
The Single Guy: Communi-Date, Aaron Hurd
8
Valley Planet Crime Report, Matthew Pierce
9
Dr. Anarcho
9
Music Calendar Continues
10
More Music Calendar
11
Even More Music Calendar
12
Regional Concerts Calendar
12
Calendar of Events
13
Renaissance Presents Sanders Family Christmas
13
More Events
14
Unemployed in Huntsville?, Shawn Bailey
14
The Jazz Lounge, Jackie Anderson
15
Events Calendar Continues
16
News of the Weird
17
Auntie Jen’s Animal Crazy
17
Baby Boomer Bust, Thomas V. Ress
18
Free Will Astrology
19
Valley Planet Classifieds
19
Music Exchange
19
To Yuno From Yunohoo
Publisher
Jill Wood
Calendar
Joanie Williams
Lay-Out
Douglas A. Lange
Contributors
Bonnie Roberts
Elaine Nelson
Tim Benton
Jackie Anderson
Ricky Thomason
Aaron Hurd
Allison Gregg
Auntie Jen
Lane Cobl
Katherine Monahan
Shawn Bailey
Tina Leach
Matthew Pierce
Thomas V. Ress
“En Oino Aletheia (In Wine Lies Truth)”
-- Anonymous
Letter to the Planet On the Cover:
I
see more homeless and beggars than ever
before. It is sad the way this city, like many
others attempts to forget about them and try
to sweep them under the rug. The great divide
between the haves and the-have nots is growing
evermore with each passing year. People are
growing more desperate; I noticed this to be even
more so on a recent visit to Nashville, TN; bigger
town more desperate. It’s time to put the human
back in the word humanity and try to give people
some type of housing benefit so they can get
some place to live rather then letting them freeze
to death on the street or commit some desperate
crime to get money to live. There are at least three
companies that I know about that build prison
equipment in North AL and probably a lot more.
I know as I worked at one in Decatur, we will
not mention the name here. I am certain it would
be cheaper to give people some type of housing
benefit than to just incarcerate them. We need to
follow the lead of places like England and Europe
and help people to get on in life without facing
this terrible specter of homelessness.
M. Waldrop
P
T
hanksgiving is gone! And, I am
thankful that I am not overly full
today!
I do not participate in Black Friday, anymore.
The bargain items are always gone, people
are rude, uncaring and completely “one
track minded”. Parking lots are a disaster
area and there is waaay too much drama.
And tragically, now running people over
with shopping carts, hitting people over the
head with Christmas wrapping paper and so
much worse… there is pepper spraying and
gunning down other shoppers. Really? Is it
worth that ten dollar savings?
And…do we really need to open up stores
Thanksgiving evening?
At least the
employees at those stores need a true time
for Thanksgiving or at least REST! If you
have that need to shop on Thanksgiving
Day, perhaps go online... lots of deals there
and a little less hassle. And there is always
Small Business Saturday which is now
deemed the Saturday after Black Friday.
That is a good thing. Shop local! Support
all our local businesses: they are so quickly
disappearing.
The Best of the Valley Readers’ Poll
continues through Dec. 31st – make sure to
vote at valleyplanet.com, click on the banner
to the right!
Local Small Business Owner,
Jill E. Wood
aulette Estes is a French Born Artist currently
residing in Tennessee.
Paulette with her husband lived in Europe for
many years where she studied under well known
Artist V. Antonio in Spain.
She has taken workshops and classes from nationally known artists and pursued Art Courses at
MSCC in Tennessee. She has held solo exhibits
and participated in juried shows. Many of her
paintings have been bought by private collectors
in Europe and the US.
Paulette is represented by Huntsville Art League
in Huntsville, Alabama with paintings in the Gallery and Studio areas, and in HAL’s new Gallery
on the Square, downtown. She held Exhibitions
at the Huntsville-Madison County Main Library,
the Huntsville Times Gallery and displayed some
of her Art Work at
the Mayor’s Office in
Huntsville, Alabama.
YOUR AD COULD
BE HERE FOR AS LITTLE
AS $21.25 PER WEEK
Paulette’s studio is
located in her home in
Manchester, Tennessee where she can be
contacted by email
“[email protected]” or
by phone:
931-596-8724
Thank you for reading the fine print of the Valley Planet. The Valley Planet and valleyplanet.com are published every three weeks by J W Publications in Huntsville, AL. You can pick up the paper free all over the
place or get it free on the web. Copyright 2003 by the Valley Planet, Inc. All rights reserved. You can contact
me at [email protected]
Reproduction or use without our permission is strictly prohibited. The views and opinions expressed within
these pages and on the web site are not necessarily those of the Valley Planet or its staff. The Valley Planet is
not responsible for unsolicited manuscripts or art. Back issues are available for viewing on our web site www.
valleyplanet.com in the archives section. You may reach the Valley Planet office @ 256.533.4613 or by mail
at Valley Planet 203 Grove Ave. Huntsville, AL 35801. Subscriptions to the Valley Planet are now available
for $50 a year in the USA.
256-533-4613 VALLEY PLANET
THE VALLEY PLANET
Letter from the
Publisher
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VOLUME 9 ISSUE 16
3
ReLit: Smokin’
Good Reads Worth
a ReKindle – Ferrol
Sams – The Porter
Osborne Jr. Trilogy
T
hat is what this trio of books has come to be
called. The first was Run With The Horsemen,
the second was Whisper of The River, and the
third was When All The World Was Young.
Ferrol Sams, a physician from Fayetteville, Georgia
may have been a great doctor, but I believe he found his
true calling in writing. Sams tells stories--great stories-but they are much more than that. They are a window
with a view of a world gone by. His characters are so
real that they probably existed, and Porter Osborne Jr.’s
life is likely a semi-autobiographical story of the author
himself.
He has that rare gift of the great storytellers: he can make
you live what the characters are living so well that you
forget there is an author. So clearly does his prose flow
that you forget the man behind the typewriter. He writes
about people you know, or knew if you grew up in the
South, particularly the small town South. His characters
are so detailed that you’d know them if you met them on
the street, warts and all.
The events in this book are written simply as they
happen and are to be enjoyed on that level. You are
basically the “fly on the wall” as the brilliant backwoods
farmboy goes to college in the late 1930s and beyond.
His adventures range from poignant to side-splittingly
funny.
I have been tempted to drive through the Mercer College
campus and the surrounding area just to see how many
places I can recognize from the books.
Ferrol Sams is an underappreciated southern writer. Do
yourself a favor and read all three, in order. And once
again, here’s the perfect Christmas gift for that reader
in your family.
You will be extremely satisfied and happy when the
books end, but left with a void to fill--that “now what
can I read next that can compare with that” feeling. That
is a good thing for an avid reader.
I’m sure the late Dr. Sams would be pleased
to know that.
Review by Rick Thomason
several page menu showing what you can get at different
times. But hummus is ALWAYS available. 24 hours a
day hummus! (I am aware that this may be less of a big
deal to most people.)
The Sage Grille is downstairs. It’s the new-style open
area that kind of looks like a restaurant/bar just casually
appeared. Long gone are the old smoky bars (which, to
be fair, can be cool sometimes). We had some drinks
at the bar. Good times. The restaurant has a breakfast
buffet, but I never ate there. It was too pricey for the
amount of food I eat in the early morn.
We could have started over and moved all of our
reservations to the new wedding date, but after that
hassle (closing, paying all sorts of fees to turn on power,
transfer phone, etc.), Huntsville was starting to look
okay.
So we boarded the schnauzers for the night and stayed
at the Westin.
Honeymoon in (Hunts)Vegas
for gypsies warning tourists to stay
away from the house haunted by
Blackbeard’s ghost. I will tell them
to run, run far away. And then I
will regale them with tales of sheer
horror. Of negotiating, negotiating
again, inspections, negotiating
repairs mandated by said inspections,
dealing with mortgage companies,
delayed closings that may force you
to cancel your wedding date, hotel
reservation, and vacation plans.
(And then I will tell them to stay
away from that house over there.
It’s haunted by Blackbeard’s ghost.)
W
hen an adventure writer marries a
freelance adventurer, one expects the
honeymoon to be epic. I’m talking vine
swinging through rain forests, beds with mosquito
netting, or at the very least, something near a
landmark with some sort of superlative in its title.
And there was a plan, involving a haunted hotel,
a tour of a haunted factory, etc. (you know, your
average October honeymoon excursions).
And then we bought a house.
Anytime you tell someone you’re buying a home,
they say something like “Oh, how exciting!” After the
ordeal we went through, upon learning that someone
is house hunting I will take a tone generally reserved
4
So that’s where we were. Haunted hotel cancelled,
haunted tour plans cancelled, wedding date cancelled.
I’d been wanting to stay at the Westin since it had been
built, but I rarely feel the need to vacation in my own
town. Overlooking Bridge Street, the Westin is actually
way cheaper than I expected. ($149 for a king size
room, $129 if you pay in advance online.)
The room was nice. The beds are fluffy and comfy.
Also, security is good. You can’t even get anywhere in
the elevator without swiping your room key. There’s
also a nice sized flat screen TV in the room.
With the exception of the fact that my Tripper and Lulu
could probably take down that entire room in about 8.5
seconds, we didn’t actually need to board the dogs. Pets
are allowed at the Westin.
The bathroom was beautiful. I am a sucker for a separate
shower and bathtub. And the décor was very minimalist
and cool. I approve. No tacky flowery bedspreads and
ugly pictures on the wall.
Room service is available 24 hours a day. There’s a
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VOLUME 9 ISSUE 16
I have never had the urge to work out in a hotel. Saying
you have a fitness room as an amenity is pretty much like
telling me there’s an agony booth on the 4th floor. I also
only run when chased by angry lions so I may not be the
average hotel guest in this regard. So, there’s a fitness
room. Do with that information what you will. There is
also a pool and hot tub. Go early for the hot tub. At 8
there was no one there. By 9, as with all hotels no matter
how fancy, it was like caddy day.
If you have no preference, choose Queen bedrooms.
They overlook Bridge Street. We had a King and it
overlooked the parking lot. There were no balcony
rooms. I assume the ones I see from the outside are
residences. Also, make sure you have a computer with
3G. Internet service is $9.95 a night.
I do admit it was bizarre to walk around Bridge Street
before the stores opened. Sort of a cross between
downright spooky and feeling like I’m somewhere I’m
not supposed to be.
I sort of failed to mention the wedding part didn’t I?
Downtown Fayetteville, Tennessee. October 21st. If
you get married at the courthouse before 2pm (on a
weekday), you can use the gazebo outside for free. Since
it was October, we got about $60 worth of pumpkins,
some pretty decorations, and a monster print skirt for me
(along with pigtails and knee boots) and tied the knot in
style. Although now that I think about it, we probably
should have at least put one swinging vine in there.
THE VALLEY PLANET
True BS
A
which you stumbled through an uncomfortable
silence and couldn’t —
by Tim Benton
s part of our ongoing effort to provide
Valley Planet readers with the very finest
in hard-hitting, uncompromising coverage
of the presidential campaign, we recently invited
all fifty of the Republican presidential candidates
to sit down for a free-for-all question and answer
session over lunch at a local Godfather’s Pizza.
Three of the candidates accepted our invitation
— former Godfather’s CEO Herman Cain, Texas
governor Rick Perry, and former Speaker of
the House of Representatives, Newt Gingrich.
Because of space limitations, the story will
be printed in multiple parts. We began with a
question about foreign policy.
Cain: I had gas. That’s why I looked so
uncomfortable. Running for President means you
eat on the go, a lot of greasy fast food. It had
been six months since my last colon cleanse. It’s
not easy to think when your intestines are stuffed
like a dumpster. But that won’t be a concern once
I’m President.
Perry: Herman, you’ve got bigger issues than
a bloated colon, and I think it’s time you faced
them. How many undocumented Libyans work
at your pizza restaurants?
Gingrich: You mean Mexicans, don’t you, Rick?
My god, have you ever looked at a map? But I’m
more concerned about an exchange between Cain
and Michelle Bachman at the last debate —
VP: Let’s start with a real hot-button issue, the
Libya situation —
Cain: She’s lying. I wasn’t even at the last
debate, so how could I have touched her thigh?
Cain: She’s lying. I never met a woman
named Libya. She was never even in my hotel
room so how could I have touched her thigh? I
would never do such a thing. I’m a married man.
Just ask my wife. Any woman who says she’s
given me more than a deep tissue massage is an
attention-seeking gold digger. This is a high-tech
lynching by liberal —
Perry: You’ve got that uncomfortable look again,
Herman. Do you need to go to the bathroom?
Perry: Calm down, Herman, you’re missing the
point. We’ve got to secure the border with Libya
and do it today. Libyans are pouring over the
border by the thousands, taking jobs away from
hard working Americans, while an indifferent
President, uh, give me a second, what’s his
name again? Oh yeah, while President Barack
jets away to his latest golf outing with liberal
Hollywood bigshots.
Cain: This is a high-tech lynching!
Gingrich: Both of you knock it off. Here comes
the pizza. I haven’t eaten in two hours.
VP: I’ll let you guys have at it for awhile. I’m
going to Ruby Tuesday.
Cain: She’s lying. I’ve never met a woman
named Ruby. How could I have touched her
thigh?
Gingrich: I gotta hand it to you, Herman. You
serve a fine meal. 9 pizzas, 9 toppings, 9 dollars.
by Katherine Monahan
he Christmas Angels is the fictionalized memoir of Dennis Smith, who hales from
Hueytown, Alabama. Mr. Smith tells a coming-of-age tale of a boy who is raised by a
depressive mother and a father who struggles to support the family. The book opens on
the narrator, Daniel Wayne, when he is seven years old in the late 1940s, and it follows him
through his honorable discharge from the United States Navy in 1964.
T
Mr. Smith chronicles the family’s journey from the coal mining town of Bayview, Alabama
to a shared house in Port Clinton, Ohio, and from there to a trailer in Hammond, Illinois.
Against a backdrop of economic deprivation, Smith recounts the highs and lows that frame
a child’s world: beginning a stamp collection, seeing a television for the first time, losing the
spelling bee, trying to fish in a lake with no fish, losing a friend to polio, going to a school
dance, making ice cream from snow, losing his virginity, and wincing at his mother’s reaction
to the price of a sandwich on the train. Much of the early plot consists of iconic rites of
passage that are loosely strung together. But Smith’s account never devolves into the cliché
or the maudlin. His tone is mainly dispassionate, and Daniel Wayne recounts these childhood
moments with little self-reflection. Daniel Wayne’s circumstances—which include a mother
who has an aversion to him—are too unusual to be hackneyed or boring.
Mr. Smith is an excellent writer of dialogue and describer of actions, rather than metaphor or
rumination. His matter-of-fact style is particularly suited to the plot once Daniel enlists in
the Navy and boards the U.S.S. Clay County as an engineman. Daniel’s deliberate actions at
boot camp and on the ship are juxtaposed against his boredom at a military hospital and his
carousing at port, which pleasantly varies the cadence of the book. Everything Daniel does
aboard the ship is riveting. When Daniel is assigned to take radiation readings during nuclear
tests in the North Pacific, Smith describes the radioactive base surges that hit the ship after
each detonation. These passages-- in particular one where Daniel sees the bones in his leg as
if he were being x-rayed-- are almost cinemagraphic.
Cain: Don’t look at me like that. I never touched
her.
The Christmas Angels could be edited and proofed, and its narrative arc could be reworked
so that the protagonist confronts a clearly-defined mental or emotional obstacle and comes
away a changed man. But if you are open to supporting a local author, it is well worth
the read. It is truly an amazing accomplishment on the part of Mr. Smith. He should be
extremely proud of what he has created here.
A future issue will contain part two of the
interview, in which Governor Perry looks at a
map and Herman Cain denies having met any of
Gingrich’s ex-wives.
The Christmas Angels would be an excellent holiday gift for any Navyman or woman, or
anyone interested in local history. It is available in paperback on lulu.com and on Amazon
on the Kindle Reader. The book is not yet available in stores.
Gingrich: You’re both wrong. Libya isn’t a
woman and it isn’t a country that has a border
with America. It’s an opportunity to insure our
oil needs for generations to come. Instead of
occupying Wall Street, we should occupy the
Libyan oil fields immediately. Gasoline was a
dollar-fifty a gallon when I was Speaker, and it
will be again when I’m President.
Perry: Is that waitress Libyan?
VP: Interesting. Mr. Cain, do you think voters
will be concerned about a recent interview in
Tim welcomes comments at [email protected]
THE VALLEY PLANET
Book Review: The Christmas
Angels, by Dennis Smith
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VOLUME 9 ISSUE 16
5
nu-nu-nu. Honestly though, I actually didn’t stay for the whole show. It started at 10 p m. and I was
pretty tired by then. Ludicrous! That’s right. Ludicrous. To be even more honest, I was really only
there because it was free. I fixated my glaze back on the doctor. By the time I came out of my inner
monologue, she was standing up, escorting me out the door.
That night, as I lathered up my bump-covered arms and legs, I couldn’t help but wonder: when did my
life go from “while you’re young” to “as we age”? Just a few years ago I was going to be young forever.
My health came secondary (or tertiary) to fun and vodka. Now I’d rather get home safely and have a
good night’s sleep. Staying out until the bars closed was normal. Now, it’s 7:42 p m. on a Wednesday.
I’ve been in my pjs for at least an hour. I ate a dinner that’ll be kind to my digestive tract and I’ll finish
putting away the laundry before I climb into bed in about 90 minutes. Am I lame? If so, when did it
happen?
That Line
was sitting at the doctor’s office, arms extended. She carefully took a three-second glance and
made her diagnosis: “eczema.” This was fine, just fine. Get some lotion, lather up daily and you’ll
be fine. As the doctor typed in my prescription, I mumbled, “This is so weird; I’ve never had skin I decided that yes, I have crossed the line, biologically. In the tradition of accepting what I can’t
change and changing what I can, I accepted the fact that I’m getting older. That realization comes
problems.”
with responsibility. Yes, a few years ago, I was pretty sure I’d have Christie Brinkley skin and Cindy
Her response, “Well, as we age our skin changes … blah, blah, blah.” I am sure what came after Crawford hair as I aged. Who was I fooling? I didn’t even have it when I was young. I was going
“changes” was medically genius. It was the “as we age” that stopped me in my tracks. As we age? Just to be that normal person who defied the aging process. Freckles turned into age spots. My smile left
last week I was rocking out to that one rap star. You know – he sings that one song, it goes: nhuu-huuh, lines. Bumps appeared.
I
Miss Merry Christmas Alabama
S
everal years ago, Renaissance Theatre produced a musical comedy, Pageant, directed by the late
Lee Deal. It dealt with the absurdity of pageants and judges from the audience were chosen to
pick a winner. The script specified the actors’ given “talents,” which the actors performed with
some interesting results.
When Bob Baker, Artistic Director at Renaissance Theatre, penned the script for Miss Merry Christmas
Alabama, he used the format of that well-known show, but that is where the similarities end. When
Baker decided to mix lovely “ladies,” over-the-top drag clothes, and re-vamped versions of familiar
songs, he ended up inventing an outlandish 1950s Copa Cabana atmosphere. Throw hosting a beauty
pageant at Christmas into the mix, and hilarity ensues.
Baker decided to cast talented people who were capable of choosing and performing their own talents.
I watched a few rehearsals, and there are some amazing moments on the stage. Baker says without
hesitation, “my cast and supporting technical crew has been 100% invested in making this show a
success; in spite of day jobs, other obligations, and demands found in all of our everyday lives. The
artistic and collective creative effort from the directorial, dance and costuming areas especially, have
each been superlative! And, yes it’s been fun; and yes, it’s been a lot of hard work”.
Accepting the aging process doesn’t mean not fighting it. Lotions and potions fill my bathroom, each
with the promise to make me youthfully beautiful. Some work. Some don’t. When rushing through
the brightly lit, sophisticated beauty store, products scream to me. Throw in a young salesgirl who
looks a little edgy and I’m buying! I am a sucker. I believe these things
will work.
Beyond believing in products, I believe in myself. I believe I am worth the
extra efforts now required. This realization was completely absent in my
youth. I value a sense of well-being more than a late night. I value being
mentally sharp. Along with aging came a new perspective. I see beyond
the next few hours and through the horizon. It’s true with health and
finances. Save for retirement, not the next vacation. Stock your cabinets
with good-for-you food.
With all its extra efforts and daily surprises, aging isn’t that bad. Approach
it like a mission, not a mandate. Like most things in life, once you take
control and arm yourself with the necessary weapons,
you’ll enjoy the ride.
The show opened November 25 (the day after Thanksgiving) and runs through December 11. Tickets
are $18 and may be purchased by visiting Showclix.com or by calling the theatre. A Dinner Theatre is
scheduled for December 3 at 6:00pm with the show to follow at 7:30pm. Tickets for the Dinner Theatre
and show are $36.00 per person. Call (256) 536-3117 to make your reservations.
Outrageous costumes and outrageous “ladies!” Who will win? Come prepared to laugh!
Unchained
Maladies
by Ricky Thomason
M
uch to the disappointment of Alabama
lawmakers, Mississippi voters soundly
defeated a ballot initiative that would
have made abortion illegal by declaring that “life
begins at conception.”
Alabama lawmakers, determined to make sure
that our state remains the most a**-backward in
the nation, were rumored to be hard at work in
an effort to out-dumb Mississippi, had the “life at
conception” measure passed.
They were going to push a bill for Alabama
declaring that life begins when a man gets an
erection.
That brought questions from other lawmakers still
young and sober enough to actually pull a boner
without Viagra.
What about when a man awakens with a need to
go pee good morning woody? “Don’t ask, don’t
tell” was the decision on that – but if you were
proud enough of it to get stupid and tell, that
would also be a misdemeanor.
What if it makes a tent involuntarily during a wet
dream? Would that be a violation of Alabama
law? I mean if you dreamed you were driving
drunk and ran a stop sign should you still get a
ticket? There is that “Lusting in the heart is still
a sin” in the God book. It was decided that that
should be only a misdemeanor unless you dreamt
you had sex with an unmarried woman.
And OMG! Run this flag up your poles: what
if two men saw each other and simultaneously
saluted each other in a “Strangers in the Night”
kind of deal? Whoa – better make that a felony
since it involves two, then double the time and
fine, like is done when you are caught speeding in
a construction zone.
It was decided that Onanism might be a capital
offense since the perp is spilling seed on the
ground with premeditation and forethought.
Millions of what may have been the unborn
are murdered because an essential half of the
components of conception are wasted.
“What’s the other half?” asked the sponsors.
“Uh, that would be the egg produced by the
female, the other half of the process. If it isn’t
6
#120111122111
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 16
fertilized it is expelled
every four weeks during
the menstrual cycle.”
Answered a colleague
who had one eye and halfsense.
“Hey, we don’t care what
kind of cycle she rides. So
you mean to tell me her
half of the life process is
wasted as well?”
“I’m afraid so,” said the colleague.
“That is completely unacceptable. If the male
is going to be charged with a crime for wasting
his half the female should, too. Did you say she
wastes this egg every month?”
“More or less, yes.”
“Then by golly, all women who do this should be
fined $100 per month,” said the duo.
“That would be difficult to enforce,” said the
colleague, “but perhaps it could be added as a tax
on all feminine hygiene products.
This is not a smart move.” Advised the
colleague.
“Why not?” they asked.
“Because you’d soon be extra-taxing all products
of any kind that had anything at all to do with
human genitalia or reproduction, like condoms
and birth control pills and the people would not
like that.” offered the colleague.
“Screw the people,” they said, “do you really
think we give a fuzzy red rat’s a** what those
damn voters think? We have the power and what
we say goes.”
The colleague said, “It was just announced that
the “life begins at conception” thing was defeated
by the Mississippi voters.”
“Well, hell.” said the pair. “Everybody get back
to work and find other laws from other states that
we can copy and exaggerate and keep Alabama
looking like the nation’s right armpit.”
And don’t think they have given up on this one;
it’s an election year. For a bunch that claims
to oppose “big government and intrusion into
our private affairs” they damn well don’t mind
intruding into your private parts.
I say they should go F-themselves and quit
screwing with me.
THE VALLEY PLANET
%HO &DQWR 6WXGLRV
of North Alabama
<RXU +ROLGD\ 9RFDO 6WXGLR
Case in point: At 78, my mother fell down
a flight of 16 steps.
R
My daughter and I laugh now about Mama
somersaulting down the stairwell. We always
say, “She was a tough old bird.” What she truly
was--resilient.
In her favor: 1) the stairs were carpeted; 2) she
actually began her untimely descent on the 15th
stair; and 3) my mother had been through so much
in her life that falling down steps was probably
just . . . nothing.
She bounced back from everything life threw
at her. If it was a rotten tomato, she grabbed it
midair and threw it back at the one who sent it.
Sometimes, she blindly threw it, and others had
to learn to get back up, too.
My daughter and I witnessed her fall. We were
hardly helpful. We were paralyzed on the top
landing, where she had walked before tucking
and diving (or so it seemed) in front of us.
In this world, if you don’t have some resiliency,
you might end up just another spot on someone’s
foyer floor at the bottom of the stairs.
esiliency is an underrated character trait.
We yelled, “Grandma! Grandma!” as we chased
after her. Her somersaults were not all perfect
(a few took a sideways slant) but they were each
rapid and done as though she were a pro-stairfaller. We never did catch her, and she didn’t stop
no matter what or how much we yelled.
My mother, herself, never said words. If she did,
it may have been the helpless, primitive “Uh” or
“Oh,” one hears as someone takes whatever lifebeating is underway and cannot be prevented, but
must simply be dealt with. Perhaps, it was what I
term the “AH or OH of the INEVITABLE.”
It was a Friday night, and she and my dad--both
slightly overprotective of me--had driven to
Huntsville from Florence to fix dinner in order to
give me rest from my work week as a high school
English teacher. I admit that the respite was
delightful, but my father, who, at 85, cannot drive,
insisted on it anyway. And here now, my 5’4”
mother, luckily a tad on the plump side, tumbled
headlong to the foyer below--and the foyer wall.
At the foyer, where my mother fell from that last
step, she bounced--actually--into the foyer wall,
then bounced off, landing almost dead-center in
the foyer floor.
My daughter and I began feeling for broken bones.
“Grandma, Grandma, are you all right?”
Casually, she stood up, straightening her glasses
that slanted across her face. Brushing us off with
“I’m fine,” she walked into the kitchen to tend to
the turnip greens.
One of us asked the other, “Did Grandma just
bounce off that wall and walk away?”
We heard her tell Grandpa, “I took a bumpy ride
down the steps, but I tried not to resist and just
roll . . . I may need some extra Aspirin tonight.”
I guess I learned resiliency or inherited my
resiliency genes from my mother. If my dad,
although in perfect health, had fallen, he would
have broken into tiny pieces. No, I didn’t
inherit resiliency from Dad. Creativity, but not
resiliency.
For as long as I can remember, people said of my
mother, “She’s a tough old bird.” That must have
been a compliment, although on first hearing,
it didn’t sound like it. I don’t know how many
times she came to the edge of death, fought it, and
won. And that evening, she had beaten the hell
out of my staircase.
THE VALLEY PLANET
When my daughter was six and at an ice skating
competition in Memphis, one of her friends, who
was several years older and a talented skater, was
favored to win at her level.
6LQJ <RXU 'UHDPV &UHDWH <RXU )XWXUH
'
Her performance was indeed flawless, at least until
she fell. “There goes the gold medal,” I thought,
closing my eyes. But the young girl rose, smooth
as ice, not missing a single beat, finished her act,
and, of course--won the gold medal. She was not
only the best skater in her age group; she was also
the most mature, poised and resilient.
As for me, I fall a lot--not just on ice--and I get
back up. I may not be mature about it or poised,
either. I whine. But I do get back up, no matter
what knocks me down. I may look like a baby
calf, trying to find its legs beneath it, or like a kitty
I know, who got back up, hissing and bristling, on
three non-broken legs after accidentally leaping
from a second-story window. (Authorities ruled it
“not a suicide attempt,” just a case of “poor depth
perception.”)
I have to tell myself all the time, “Just keep
moving forward, one foot in front of the other.”
Even when I’m immobilized in a hospital bed. To
give up is to die spiritually, if not physically. And
sometimes, both.
Like Mama, I’ve faced down a lot of hard times,
hard hearts, hard incidents and accidents. I’ve
battled some hard days pretty much on my own,
except for what I call “mystery” and “grace.”
Some comebacks I’ve fought for with love, others
with anger, moans, groans, silent determination,
mulishness, forgiveness, self-forgiveness, and
maybe with my deep fear: I don’t want to be like
my daddy in the way he fell to pieces in just one
unimaginably hard fall.
I think of myself when I’m on the way back up as
some kind of warrior. Not the tall, strong Amazon
or the armored Joan-of-Arc kind on a white horse,
surrounded by an aura of light. Maybe just the
kind that won’t give up before she’s actually
dead.
I can’t promise I can take a fall down 15 stairs
in the “roll-with-the-punches” grace or methods
of Mama.
1
W
O
Z
U
P
P
)ROORZ XV RQ
)DFHERRN HUNTSVILLE’S DYNAMIC NEW VOCAL STUDIO, BEL
CANTO STUDIOS OF NORTH ALABAMA, PERFORMS
CHRISTMAS RECITAL DECEMBER 10, 2011
B
el Canto Studios of North Alabama Inc. is Huntsville’s hottest new vocal studio. It is located at 2400
Whitesburg Drive South 35801 next to Ann’s School of Dance on Center Street. The studio will perform
a concert of Christmas favorites on Saturday, December 10 with a reception to follow. The event is in the
sanctuary at Covenant Presbyterian Church, 301 Drake Avenue SE, Huntsville, Alabama 35802.
Bel Canto Studios provides musical education for children and adults of all ages. It is Bel Canto’s mission to create
dynamic, thinking, performing singers who are actively involved in setting their own goals and dreams.
Bel Canto Studios will sing in the National Association of Teachers of Singing Competition being held at the
University of Alabama at Huntsville on Friday and Saturday February 17 and 18, 2012. Students will compete in
both Classical and Broadway Categories due to the progressive view of the studio about musical styles.
On Saturday, February 25 Bel Canto elementary and high school students will compete in the Huntsville Music
Club (Music Teachers National Association) event at First Baptist Church.
To prepare for upcoming competitions, Bel Canto Studios performs on Saturday, February 11 at 2:00 PM at
Covenant Presbyterian Church. Bel Canto Studios will also audition February 11 for upcoming chamber operas
which will be performed in the Spring of 2012. These include Barber’s Hand of Bridge, Barab’s Game of Chance,
and Mozart’s Impressario. The auditions are open to the public.
Bel Canto Studios is directed by Dr. Suzanne Galer. Galer is on the vocal faculties of both Oakwood University
and Alabama A & M Universities. A performer herself, Galer was a regional finalist in the Metropolitan Opera
Competition and holds a doctorate in vocal performance from the State University of New York at Stony Brook.
Learn more about Bel Canto Studios at http://www.suzannegaler.com or by checking their site at Facebook.com.
Call to give the gift of singing lessons to a friend at 336-430-8640.
Pictured Caroling
“O Holy Night’ To
The Stopped Traffic
At Whitesburg And
California Streets Are
(Left To Right) Zanna
Brown, Diana Lucas,
Patricia Kennedy,
Jessica Lucas, Natalie
Cusker, Morgan
Mccurry, Sarah
Bradley, Catie Brown,
Harper Lanier, Kristy
Markell, Pam Lloyd,
Jennifer Starck, And
Dr. Suzanne Galer.
(Photo By Lori Bradley)
Not Pictured: Angela
Keyes, Beverly Ketchum
However, there will be someone screaming,
howling, or kicking in my foyer--until I can get
on my feet again.
#120111122111
H
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 16
7
The Single Guy: Communi-Date
by Aaron Hurd
“Friends = No Chance!”
Thursday, December 1
BANDITO BURRITO (MADISON) (SEE AD
PG.11), Marge
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Dave Anderson
DAILY BREW (DECATUR), Open Mic Night
FINNEGAN’S PUB, Slip Jig
FLYING MONKEY, Zoe Boekbinder
GLASS’S COCKTAILS & GRILL (DECATUR),
Karaoke w/ Lewis
GRID IRON GRILL (NEW HOPE), Open Mic/
Live Acoustics
GUADALAJARA (DECATUR), DJ Jammin’ Jeff
HIGHWAY HAVEN, Karaoke Contest
HOPPER’S, Karaoke w/ Tara
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL,
Lance Almon Smith
KAFFEEKLATSCH @ NIGHT, Dave Anderson
KNIGHT MOVES, Karaoke
LEANNE’S, Keith Taylor and Roberta Silva
LONE GOOSE, Traci Traci Open Mic
MAC’S SPORTSBAR AND STEAKHOUSE
(ATHENS), Open Mic
PARTNER’S BAR & GRILL, Karaoke w/ Amber
SAMMY T’S MUSIC HALL, DJ Keibot
SPORTS PAGE, 5ive O’ Clock Charlie
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Pat and the Peeps
THE DOCKS (SCOTTSBORO), Trey Browder
VILLAGE PIZZA (DOWNTOWN ATHENS),
Barry Kay
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, Open Mic
Night
Friday, December 2
53 SPORTS BAR & GRILL, Jason Albert Band
AMERICAN LEGION POST 176,
The Mersey Band
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Tangled String
BILLY’S SPORTS BAR (HAZEL GREEN),
Karaoke w/ Larry
CASA MONTEGO, Reggae & More with
DJ Frankie J
CLUB XPLOSIONS (DECATUR), Poison D Poison Tribute Band
COFFEETREE BOOKS & BREW, (SEE AD
PG.9), Fred Roberts
COPPERTOP (SEE AD PG.11), Chaos
CROSSROADS, First Fridays w/ Kid Capri
DIAMONDS, CO Jones
EL HERRADURA, Edgar
ELK’S LODGE, Karaoke
FINNEGAN’S PUB, Sing Along with Nancy
FLYING MONKEY ARTS CENTER,
Hymn for Her
FRATERNAL ORDER OF EAGLES (DECATUR),
Karaoke w/ Howie and HDK
GRID IRON GRILL (NEW HOPE), DJ/ Doc Roc
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Groove
HIGHWAY HAVEN, Shameless
HOPPER’S, Peter and the Wolfe
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, Toy Shop
LEE ANN’S, Pla’station
LISA’S LOUNGE, Karaoke w/
DJ Aubrey Walker
LONE GOOSE, The Crawlers
MOODY MONDAYS, Karaoke w/ Cheyenne
MOORESVILLE BAR & GRILL, Mox Nix
OLIVIA’S BAR AND GRILL, Karaoke
PARTNER’S BAR & GRILL,
Partner’s Cabaret Show
SPORTS PAGE, The Mentones
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Rollin’ in the Hay
THE STATION, Live Music/ Karaoke
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL,
Seducing Alice
Saturday, December 3
AMERICAN LEGION POST 176, Karaoke
Karaoke w/ Larry
BLACK WATER HATTIE’S, Bo Steele and Ben
Rabino
COFFEETREE BOOKS & BREW, (SEE AD PG.9),
Open Mic Night
COPPERTOP (SEE AD PG.11), Carter G.
DIAMONDS, Chaos
FLYING MONKEY ARTS CENTER,
Shar la Belle
Square One
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Hot Rod Otis
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL,
Gun Swamp Road
KAFFEEKLATSCH @ NIGHT,
Dawn Osborne Band
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LEE ANN’S, Groove
LISA’S LOUNGE, Karaoke w/DJ Mike B
LONE GOOSE, Fatso
(ATHENS), DJ Calvin
MOODY MONDAYS, Karaoke w/ Sweet T
SPORTS PAGE, Liquid Caravan
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Natchez Trace
THE DOCKS (SCOTTSBORO),
Glenn and Libba
Sunday, December 4
CASA MONTEGO, Devere Pride Trio
DIAMONDS, Open Mic/ Open Jam
w/ the Crawlers
KAFFEEKLATSCH @ NIGHT, Sunday Blues
Jam hosted by Freddy Earl and
the Blues Mercenaries
SPORTS PAGE, Open Mic with Robby Hutto
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, Karaoke w/
DJ Brandon Mac
Monday, December 5
BLACK WATER HATTIE’S, Karaoke w/ Howie
Karaoke w/ Lewis
KAFFEEKLATSCH @ NIGHT, Acoustic Open
Mic hosted by Greg Rowell
KNUCKLEHEADS, Karaoke
SPORTS PAGE, Dave Anderson
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, Tim Tucker
Tuesday, December 6
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Que Rico
COPPERTOP (SEE AD PG.11),
HDK Karaoke with Howie
Karaoke w/ Lewis
KAFFEEKLATSCH @ NIGHT, Charlie Howell
LEE ANN’S, Rudy Mockabee
(ATHENS), Karaoke w/ DJ Jammin Jeff
OUR PLACE (DECATUR), Karaoke w/ DW
PARTNER’S BAR & GRILL, Open Mic w/ Marge
Loveday
SPORTS PAGE, Chelvis and the Bean
THE STATION, Karaoke
music cont. on pg. 9
256 533-2305
2806 S. Memorial Pkwy (next to Drake Wal-Mart)
$$ We Pay Cash Daily $$
8
BUY, SELL
& ORDER
BLU-RAY,
DVD, CD,
VIDEO GAMES,
AUDIO BOOKS
Hey Single GuyI have been reading your article for awhile and I have a question for you about guys. One thing I
have ran into has been once I tell a guy I want to be friends before anything else, most of the time he
all of a sudden disappears, why is that?
Sincerely,
Curious reader
unny, I was just talking to someone about this the other day! Nice question. Now, the question I
have for you is: Do you really want to be JUST friends with him, or friends first and THEN maybe
more? This is the problem I have run into and maybe why the guys say “see ya!” Most of the
time we are pretty clear about what we want. You women? Not so much.
F
Let me explain. Often, you girls--like us--have ulterior motives and you expect us to read between
the lines. Most of the time we will not do that. Have you not learned by now? We like things simple!
Girls like to be friends, build that connection, and then maybe take it to the “lovers” category. But you
go about it all wrong. We want the same thing, but we let it happen naturally or make ourselves clear
right from the start! We say “I want to go out with you and get to know you more” --simple to the point.
You answer is “That sounds fun, just so you know I want to be friends.” If you feel that way, great.
You told us what you want, but you told us the outcome: FRIENDS. Where is the challenge? Where
is the possibility of more? You killed it! We hear “Oh thanks, but no thanks all you will ever be is a
FRIEND.” That is the Bad “f-word” to us when we want more. Why would we waste our time?
I have experienced this more than once. I really liked this girl who texted me, called me, hit me up all
the time, and the minute I asked her out, I got the “friends” diss. The problem was that her actions were
the complete opposite. She flirted, she held my hand, she cuddled, and we made out. We had a pretty
big falling-out and I made it clear “I do not want to be your friend. I have enough of those!” Brutal, I
know, but TO THE POINT. I said what I wanted; she apparently did not know what she wanted.
Here is another example: I went on a date with a great girl in Birmingham. She invited me to a haunted
house over there and invited me to “spend the night.” We texted back and fourth and she was flirting
about the “date.” She said, “You can sleep in the spare room or with me” Then I made a perverted joke
on my reply text (hey--I’m a guy) to which she replied “We are friends, I am not like that.” Well why
text me “You can sleep with me”? Automatically, she was placed in the friend category and never got
out! In fact, it worked out. To this day, we are great friends. However, she’s tried to be more ever since
that night. She is married now, and that fateful night I drove home and slept with the dog, all because
she mentioned “Friends.” Aghh that “F-word!”
I understand that some guys just do not get it and can become stalker or 5-stage clingers, but those guys
are few and far between (at least I hope)! But if you really want to be friends with them, why say it?
Tell me honestly: how many of your girlfriends became your friends by you saying to them “I want to
be friends with you, cool?” None, right? I bet it just happened naturally. If any of my buddies said,
“Aaron, want to go for a beer and watch the game as friends?” I would think “ughhh.. no thanks man!”
I am sure your girls would think you were pretty weird if you had to clarify “I want to be friends with
you.” So, why do it to us guys?
See? Simple and to the point. Next time you say “friends” just make sure that is really what you want,
or you may lose a guy who could have been a great date, boyfriend, and yes-- even maybe a good friend
naturally, not because of a pre-determined statement. Some of the best girl friends I have started out as
great dates and just developed into long lasting friends. Try it!
What do you think? Email me at [email protected]! Thanks for reading!
Valley Planet Crime Report
by Matthew Pierce
s the Tennessee Valley’s leading source of crime reporting, we present the latest goings-on in
the gritty Huntsvegas suburbs:
A
A major crime wave recently swept through Hartselle, where I staff the Valley Planet’s Morgan County
Bureau. Hartselle is a sprawling metropolis with a seedy underbelly, where unaccompanied teens often
congregate in the McDonald’s parking lot until 8 or 9 pm, ON SCHOOL NIGHTS.
In the first incident, law enforcement officials converged on the Hartselle Indoor Flea Market, a dark
and foreboding place long known to be a bastion of corruption and crime. When the smoke cleared, a
heinous discovery was made: At one of the booths, deputies uncovered Mason jars. Full of marijuana.
For those unaware, marijuana is a lethal, highly addictive drug that was invented by Democrats in
the sixties. Marijuana is known by several slang terms, including “Mary Jane,” “grass,” and “Ricky
Thomason.”
In the second incident, the Wal-Mart on Highway 31 was robbed by a gang of highly skilled cat burglars.
Kind of. Two men pulled up to the Wal-Mart gas station after dark and broke into the cashier’s hut,
stealing cartons of cigarettes. This is not the first time this has happened at this location. It is also not
the second time. One would perhaps suggest that Wal-Mart not keep cigarettes in the hut overnight, but
whatevs. That’s Big Business for you. (IMMA BOUT TO OCCUPY!)
We at the VP Morgan County Bureau warn all readers to carefully inspect their Mason jar purchases
for traces of marijuana. (Helpful hint: marijuana is green. We think.) Furthermore, we implore you to
avoid purchasing cigarettes out of someone’s trunk, as they might be stolen. And just to be on the safe
side, we would also encourage everyone to steer clear of the McDonald’s parking lot after dark.
(When the sun goes down in Hartselle, the streets get real, son.)
#120111122111
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 16
THE VALLEY PLANET
music cont. from pg. 8
Matt Prater
Dave Anderson
I
f there’s classic rock lover on your
Christmas list, save yourself some time
and trouble and do them a big favor:
Order them one of the best compilation CDs
of classic rock available today.
Dr. Anarcho’s Rx for Old Stuff That
Don’t Suck: Classic Rock: Gold [Original
Recording Remastered] by Various Artists.
Almost every compilation disc leaves a few
questions like “Why is that song on there?
Why is this song not included?”
Many times it’s a matter of what the various
labels will allow the compilers to use. One
notable exception to compilation discs is
anything by the Beatles. As the Crown
Jewels of classic rock, they sell enough as
The Beatles without scattering their tracks
over a thousand compilation CDs.
If you listen to any classic rock radio stations,
you have heard every one of these songs, and
that’s one thing that makes this such a great
gift for that old fart (or fartress) who loves
music, but not so much what’s available
today.
Many romanticized the golden age of classic
rock, and it was indeed a much more creative
and productive era. Bands could experiment
and some great things were born. Alas, some
of the biggest hits were buried in a sea of
drek tracks. There is certainly room for more
compilations, but this is one of the few that
hit dead center. Of course, to be complete it
would have to be 1,000 songs long.
Here’s a chance to make mom or dad smile if
they are of the Baby Boom generation. You
can give them 32 memories for under twenty
bucks.
Disc 1
1. Born To Be Wild - Steppenwolf
2. Evil Ways - Santana
3. American Woman - Guess Who
4. All Right Now – Free
5. Locomotive Breath - Jethro Tull
6. Walk Away - The James Gang
7. Maggie May - Rod Stewart
8. I’d Love To Change The World - Ten
Years After
9. Long Cool Woman (In a Black Dress) The Hollies
10. Frankenstein - The Edgar Winter
Group
11. Saturday Night’s Alright For Fighting
- Elton John
12. We’re An American Band - Grand
Funk
13. Rocky Mountain Way - Joe Walsh
14. China Grove - The Doobie Brothers
15. Radar Love - Golden Earring
16. Sweet Home Alabama - Lynyrd
Skynyrd
17. You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet - Bachman
Turner Overdrive
Disc: 2
1. Bad Company - Bad Company
2. Hair of the Dog - Nazareth
3. Never Been Any Reason - Head East
4. Slow Ride – Foghat
5. Show Me The Way [LIVE] - Peter
Frampton
6. (Don’t Fear) The Reaper - Blue =D6yster
Cult
7. Cold As Ice - Foreigner
8. Cat Scratch Fever - Ted Nugent
9. Just What I Needed - The Cars
10. Two Tickets to Paradise - Eddie Money
11. I Want You To Want Me [LIVE] - Cheap
Trick
12. Hold On Loosely - .38 Special
13. Lunatic Fringe - Red Rider
14. White Wedding (Part 1) - Billy Idol
15. Rock You Like A Hurricane - Scorpions
THE VALLEY PLANET
Wednesday, December 7
3RD BASE GRILL (SOUTH PARKWAY),
Robby Hutto
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Microwave Dave
BLACK WATER HATTIE’S, Open Mic
Songwriter’s Jam
COPPERTOP (SEE AD PG.11), Open Mic w/
the Crawlers
Karaoke w/ Lewis
GRID IRON GRILL (NEW HOPE),
Open Mic Night
HOPPER’S, DJ Lil’ Ed
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, The Robs
KAFFEEKLATSCH @ NIGHT, Andrew Sharp
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LISA’S LOUNGE, Karaoke
w/ DJ Aubrey Walker
(ATHENS), DJ Ezell
PARTNER’S BAR & GRILL, Talent Contest
SPORTS PAGE, Chris Cook
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Tim Tucker
VILLAGE PIZZA (DOWNTOWN ATHENS), The
Grant and Charles Show
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, James Irvin
PG.11), Marge
CROSSROADS, Within Reason w/ special
guests: Super Bob and 0 to Benga
Karaoke w/ Lewis
GRID IRON GRILL (NEW HOPE),
Open Mic/ Live Acoustics
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, Melody Guy and
The Alabama Barn Cats
LEE ANN’S, LaRose
(ATHENS), Open Mic
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Lanier
Barry Kay
Open Mic Night
Friday, December 9
The Mersey Band
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Silverstreak
Karaoke w/ Larry
CASA MONTEGO, Reggae &
More with DJ Frankie J
CLUB XPLOSIONS (DECATUR), Cheezee
MaryJustice Lucus and Gracie Newsum
COPPERTOP (SEE AD PG.11), Blue Collar
Unit
DIAMONDS, The Breakers
EL HERRADURA, Edgar
FLYING MONKEY ARTS CENTER, Christabel
and the Johns
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Proton Joe
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, RPI
#120111122111
LEE ANN’S, Full Circle
LISA’S LOUNGE, Karaoke w/ DJ Aubrey
Walker
LONE GOOSE, Cracker Jacks
MOORESVILLE BAR & GRILL, Todd Stovall
Band
PARTNER’S BAR & GRILL, Partner’s Cabaret
Show
SPORTS PAGE, We Three Kings
THE BRICK (DECATUR), 45 Surprise
THE DOCKS (SCOTTSBORO), Austin
Jennings
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, Dawn
Osborne Band
Karaoke w/ Larry
Open Mic Night
CROSSROADS, KUSH
DIAMONDS, The Unit
Square One
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR),
Booty Shakers
HOPPER’S, Peter and the Wolfe/
Halloween Bash
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, Seducing Alice
KAFFEEKLATSCH @ NIGHT, The Mentones
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LEE ANN’S, Gryphon Rocks
LONE GOOSE, Jim Cavendar and Guests
(ATHENS), DJ Calvin
SAM AND GREG’S, Que Rico
SPORTS PAGE, 10th Flannel
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Plato Jones
THE DOCKS (SCOTTSBORO),
Batey and Coope
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, Toy Shop
Sunday, December 11
DIAMONDS, Open Mic/ Open Jam w/
the Crawlers
Jam hosted by Freddy Earl and
the Blues Mercenaries
SPORTS PAGE, Open Mic with Robby Hutto
DJ Brandon Mac
Monday, December 12
Karaoke w/ Lewis
Tuesday, December 13
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Jazz Jam Open Mic
COPPERTOP (SEE AD PG.11), HDK Karaoke
with Howie
Karaoke w/ Lewis
PARTNER’S BAR & GRILL, Open Mic w/
Marge Loveday
Matt Prater
Dave Anderson
music cont. on pg.10
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 16
9
music cont. from pg.9
3RD BASE GRILL (SOUTH PARKWAY), Robby
Songwriter’s Jam
the Crawlers
FINNEGAN’S PUB, Bourbon & Shamrocks‫‏‬
Karaoke w/ Lewis
GRID IRON GRILL (NEW HOPE), Open Mic
Night
HOPPER’S, DJ Lil’ Ed
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, Love Child
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
Walker
(ATHENS), DJ Ezell
SAMMY T’S MUSIC HALL, Pre- Thanksgiving
Party
SPORTS PAGE, Bourbon & Shamrocks
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Blagburn
PG.11), Marge
Karaoke w/ Lewis
Live Acoustics
10
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, Liquid Caravan
(ATHENS), Open Mic
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Miranda Bowen
Barry Kay
Friday, December 16
The Mersey Band
Karaoke w/ Larry
CASA MONTEGO, Reggae & More with
DJ Frankie J
CLUB XPLOSIONS (DECATUR),
5ive O’ Clock Charlie
Bonnie and Larry
COPPERTOP (SEE AD PG.11),
Psycho Hillbillies
DIAMONDS, The Crawlers
EL HERRADURA, Edgar
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR),
4 on the Floor
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, Black Eyed
Susan
KAFFEEKLATSCH @ NIGHT, Toy Shop
KNUCKLEHEADS, Jason Albert Band
LEE ANN’S, Big 40
LISA’S LOUNGE, Karaoke w/
DJ Aubrey Walker
LONE GOOSE, 45 Surprise
MOORESVILLE BAR & GRILL, Randy Jones
PARTNER’S BAR & GRILL, Partner’s Cabaret
Show
SPORTS PAGE, Dead Letter Empire
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Chocolate Cracker
THE DOCKS (SCOTTSBORO), Lacey Atchison
Sunday, December 18
DIAMONDS, Open Mic/ Open Jam w/ the
Crawlers
Jam hosted by Freddy Earl and the Blues
Mercenaries
SPORTS PAGE, Open Mic w/ Robby Hutto
DJ Brandon Mac
Karaoke w/ Larry
Open Mic Night
COPPERTOP (SEE AD PG.11), Christmas Party
with Matt Taylor
DIAMONDS, Horizon
FLYING MONKEY ARTS CENTER, Moondust
Big Band
Square One
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Kozmic
Mama
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, We Three Kings
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LEE ANN’S, Crush
LONE GOOSE, The Robertsons
(ATHENS), DJ Calvin
SPORTS PAGE, Seducing Alice
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Vegabonds
THE DOCKS (SCOTTSBORO), Glenn and Libba
Monday, December 19
Karaoke w/ Lewis
#120111122111
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 16
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Jazz Jam Open Mic
COPPERTOP (SEE AD PG.11), HDK Karaoke
with Howie
Karaoke w/ Lewis
LEE ANN’S, Rudy Mockabee
PARTNER’S BAR & GRILL, Open Mic w/ Marge
Loveday
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Plato Jones
Matt Prater
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, Dave
Anderson
music cont. on pg.11
THE VALLEY PLANET
music cont. from pg.10
3RD BASE GRILL (SOUTH PARKWAY), Robby
Songwriter’s Jam
the Crawlers
Karaoke w/ Lewis
GRID IRON GRILL (NEW HOPE), Open Mic
Night
HOPPER’S, Lil’ Ed
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, J. Speegle Duo
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LEE ANN’S, Love Child
Walker
(ATHENS), DJ Ezell
SPORTS PAGE, Chris Cook
THE BRICK (DECATUR), 5ive O’ Clock Charlie
PG.11), Marge
Karaoke w/ Lewis
Live Acoustics
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, The Dawn
Osborn Band
THE VALLEY PLANET
LEE ANN’S, Love Child
(ATHENS), Open Mic
THE BRICK (DECATUR), DJ Night w/ Clint
McLeroy and Friends
THE STATION, Jason Albert Band
Barry Kay
AMERICAN LEGION POST 176, The Mersey
Band
Friday, December 23
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Robbie Eichman
Karaoke w/ Larry
CASA MONTEGO, Reggae & More with DJ
Frankie J
COPPERTOP (SEE AD PG.11), Drivin’ Under
CROSSROADS, Jason Isabelle and the 400
Unit
DIAMONDS, Thad & Co.
EL HERRADURA, Edgar
FLYING MONKEY ARTS CENTER, Jimmy
Henderson
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Pla’back
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, Fatso
KAFFEEKLATSCH @ NIGHT, Hash Brown
LEE ANN’S, Playback
Walker
LONE GOOSE, The Robertsons’ Xmas
Exxxtravaganza
#120111122111
MOORESVILLE BAR & GRILL, The Late
Bloomers
PARTNER’S BAR & GRILL, Partners Cabaret
Show
SPORTS PAGE, Sideshow
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Cheesebrokers
THE STATION, Crush
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, Microwave
Dave and the Nukes
Karaoke w/ Larry
COPPERTOP (SEE AD PG.11), Carter G.
Square One
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LONE GOOSE, Marge
(ATHENS), DJ Calvin
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, Lance
Almon Smith
Sunday, December 25
Jam hosted by Freddy Earl and the Blues
Mercenaries
DJ Brandon Mac
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 16
the end!
11
REGIONAL CONCERTS
CALENDAR OF EVENTS
Art with a Twist will be at the Huntsville
Museum of Art from 5:30-8:30pm.
www.hsvmuseum.org
Santa’s Village will be at Constitution Hall
Village through December 24th. It is open
from 5-9pm. Admission is $20.
www.earlyworks.com
The Huntsville Christian Women’s
Connection Luncheon will be from 11am
until 1pm at the Huntsville Country
Club. There will be music by the Linda
Young Music Studio, and speaker: Shirley
Craddock, from Woodbury, TN. 256-8378286 www.stonecroftministries.org
Meet the Authors Rachel Hawkins and
Myra McEntire at the Bailey Cove Public
Library at 7pm. www.hmcpl.org
Andrew Peterson’s Behold the Lamb
of God will be at 7pm at Southwood
Presbyterian Church. Tickets are $15.
www.southwood.org/beholdthelamb, 256882-3085
Moody Mondays will have a video golf
tournament every Thursday at 6:30pm.
The cost to play is $10 per person.
256-539-9945
The Galaxy of Lights Drive through
Nights will be now until December 31 at
the Huntsville Botanical Gardens. The
cost is $20 per car with up to 10 people. The
entrance will be at the Space and Rocket
Center. www.hsvbg.org.
The United Cerebral Palsy has the “Santa
Connection” this holiday season! Surprise
your children, grandchildren, family
members, neighbors, students and friends
with a personalized letter from Santa Claus.
Deadline for submissions is Dec. 13 to
make sure all letters reach homes before
Christmas Eve. Letters are $5 each and can
be submitted online at www.ucphuntsville.
org/news/letters-from-santa.
256-8594900
The U.S. Space & Rocket Center will
proudly present “100 Years of Von Braun:
His American Journey” – an awe-inspiring
exhibit showcasing the life of Dr. Wernher
von Braun, in honor of his 100th birthday
on March 23rd, 2012. It will be on exhibit
now through May 2012. www.ussrc.com
The 19 Annual Holiday Gallery Tour
will be at the Lowe Mill and the Flying
Monkey Arts Center from 5-9pm. It is
free. Hors d’oeuvres will be at all locations.
www.flyingmokneyarts.org, 256 534-3968.
th
Madison Ballroom Dance Club will
have Strictly Salsa Social and Free
Salsa at 7pm.
www.madisonballroom.com
Believe: Starring Dance Your Dreams!
and Project UP will be at Merrimack Hall
from 7-9pm. The cost is $15.
www.merrimackhall.com
The Huntsville Young Professionals will
have Wine and Dine at Brix Wine and
Tapas at 7pm. www.gethyp.net
The 2011 Huntsville/ Madison County
Chamber
of
Commerce
Holiday
Open Housewill be from 4-6pm. www.
huntsvillealabamausa.com.
The 2011 Youth Summit on HIV will be at
Mayfair Church of Christ from 9am until
2pm.www.aidsactioncoalition.org
Rediscover Christmas at Lifetree Café.
Lifetree Café’ is located at Latham United
Methodist Church, 109 Weatherly Road
in Huntsville. It will be from 6:30-7:30pm.
www.lifetree.com, 256-881-4089.
There will be a Pops Concert: Christmas
the Cowboy Way at the VBC Concert Hall
at 7:30pm. 256-529-4818.
Burritt Museum will have the exhibit,
Deck the Halls, now through January
4th. International Santa Clauses, nativity
scenes, nutcrackers and more. www.
burrittonthemountain.com
12
ATLANTA
December 1, Staind, The Tabernacle
December 2, Cake, Fox Theatre
December 2, Paul Simon, Gwinnett Center
December 3, Dwight Yokham, Wild Bills
December 9, Wacka Flocka Flame, Wild Bills
December 15, BB King, Fox Theatre
December 19, Amy Grant and Vince Gill, Fox Theatre
December 19, Blood on the Dance Floor, Masquerade
December 23, Drivin’ n Cryin’, The Tabernacle
December 23, Corey Smith, Wild Bills
December 31, Colt Ford, Wild Bills
December 31, Zac Brown Band, Phillips Arena
The Huntsville Havoc vs. Fayetteville
Hockey Game will be at the VBC
at 7:30pm.
BIRMINGHAM
December 28, The Scream Tour, BJCC Concert Hall
HUNTSVILLE
December 16, Jim Parker’s Songwriters Series, VBC Playhouse
December 17, Jeff Whitlow and the Old Barn Band, VBC Playhouse
December 18, Kenny G., VBC Concert Hall
January 13, Ron White, VBC Concert Hall
The cast of Nutcracker on Ice will be visiting
the Youth Services area to help children
make Nutcracker crafts at the Huntsville
Public Library from 4:40-5:30pm.
www.hmcpl.org
MEMPHIS
December 10, Bob Segar, Fed Ex Forum
December 10, Irish Tenors, Orpheum Theatre
December 11, San Jose Taiko, Orpheum Theatre
The Huntsville Museum of Art will have
the exhibit Herb Ritts: Celebrity and
Fashion. This exclusive exhibition will
feature 41 signature black and white
photographs. It will be on exhibit until
January 29, 2012. www.hsvmuseum.org
NASHVILLE
December 1, Gillian Welch, Ryman Auditorium
December 4, Judy Collins and Arlo Guthrie, Ryman Auditorium
December 4, Guns N’ Roses, Bridgestone Arena
December 5, Glenn Campbell, Ryman Auditorium
December 8, Darryl Hall and John Oats, Ryman Auditorium
December 18, Andrew Peterson, Ryman Auditorium
December 20-21, Amy Grant and Vince Gill, Ryman Auditorium
December 29, Zac Brown Band, Bridgestone Arena
December 29, Scream Tour, Nashville Municipal Auditorium
December 31, Bassnectar, Bridgestone Arena
the exhibit Huntsville Photographic
Society Members Showcase, Southern
Comfort. It will be now through February
26 www.hsvmuseum.org
Align and Wine will be every Thursday at
6pm at the Huntsville Museum of Art. It
is a Yoga Class followed by wine and hors
d’oeuvres. The class is $15 and if staying for
wine and hors d’oeuvres please donate
at least $2.
http://mitziconnell.com/align-and-wine.
the exhibit In Company With Angels:
Seven Rediscovered Tiffany Windows.
It will be on exhibit until January 15,
2012. www.hsvmuseum.org
Thursday Night Salsa will be at Bar 109
from 7-10:30pm. There will be a free intro
to Salsa at 7pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
[email protected]
Christmas in the Park will be at the Arab
City Park from 5-9pm. It will be decorated
with ten’s of thousands of lights for this
walk through event each night of the
holiday season.
The Carnegie Visual Arts Center presents
the exhibit Cutting Edge: Paper Art by
Michael Liu, now through January 14,
2012. The solo exhibit includes pieces of
art which the artist creates his own intricate
paper cutting techniques, and his detailed
portraits in charcoal and graphite on paper.
www.carnegiearts.org
will be at 7:30pm Thursday-Saturday and
2:30pm on Sunday. All tickets are $18.
www.renaissancetheatre.com, 256-3117.
(See ad pg.6)
There will be an Arts Marketplace at
Santa’s Village Friday from 3-8pm and
Saturday from noon until 8pm. www.
earlyworks.com
Friday, December 2
There will be a Concert, Weaving Holiday
Magic with Huntsville Community Chorus
Chorale and guest artist Christie Weber. It
will be at Latham United Methodist Church
at 7pm. 256-533-6606.
December 2-4
The NEACA Christmas Craft Show will be
at the VBC South Hall this weekend. There
is no admission charge. 256-859-0511.
There will be a Lunch and Learn - Paper
Cutting Demonstration from noon to
1pm at the Carnegie Visual Arts Center
in Decatur. Michael Liu will demonstrate
his intricate cutting techniques he uses to
make his unique art. 256-341-0562
Monkey Speak will be at the Flying Monkey
Arts Center at 8pm. Admission is $5. www.
flyingmonkeyarts.org.
There will Painting Classes benefiting the
Hayes Nature Preserve at the MY Designs
Studio 114 at the Lowe Mill Arts Center.
www.art-of-inspired-living.com
There will be a Kwanza Exhibit, Tradition
and Creativity, now through December
21st at the Alabama A&M James Wilson
Building. 256-372-5846.
December 1-2
The Home and Hearth Christmas Market
will be Thursday from 9am-4pm, and Friday
from 9am-2pm. It will be at the Senior
Center. No admission is charged.
December 1, 2, and 4th
The Paper Bag Christmas will be at
Huntsville High School Theatre, Thursday
and Friday at 7:30 and Sunday at 2pm.
www.hhspanthertheater.com
December 1-4
The Play, Miss Merry Christmas Alabama:
The Musical will be at the Main Stage at
the Renaissance Theatre in Huntsville. It
#120111122111
The Nutcracker Ball will be tonight at the
VBC East Hall from 6:30-10:30pm. Tickets
are $100. Guests will be entertained with
special performances from Huntsville
Ballet’s production of The Nutcracker,
silent and live auctions, delicious food,
dancing and many surprises.
www.
huntsvilleballetcompany.org
Under the Covers with Victoria Shaw with
Special Guests Gary Burr & Mark Hudson
will be at Merrimack Hall at 7:30pm. The
cost is $30 for adults and $27 seniors www.
merrimackhall.com
The Winter Wine Down will be from 610pm at the The Westin at Bridge Street
Town Center. There will be music, silent
auction, diamond pick and much more.
December 2-3
Kris Kringle’s Candlelight Christmas will
be at Burritt on the Mountain from 58pm.
www.burrittonthemountain.com,
256-536-2882.
The Fantasy Playhouse Children’s Theatre
will present A Christmas Carol, directed
by Elaine Hubbard. It will be at the VBC
Playhouse. Tickets are $18 for adults and
for students 17years and under it is $12.
256-539-6829.
Alabama Youth Ballet Theatre presents, The
Nutcracker, A Yuletide Ballet. It will be at
Butler High School Auditorium. 256-5139316, www.alabamayouthballet.org.
The Coffee Tree Books and Brew will
have a Market Place every Saturday from
2-1pm. www.coffeetreebnb.com, 256-8806464. (See ad pg.9)
There will be a Gingerbread Workshop
at 9:30pm at the Huntsville Botanical
Gardens. www.hsbg.org.
There will be a Build a Monkey Workshop
at the Space and Rocket Center at 10:30
am and 12pm. www.ussrc.com
There will be Winter Recital at 6pm at
the Lakeside United Methodist Church
on Meridian Street. Donations will be
accepted, and it is open to the public. 256417-8635
There will be a Contra Dance in the gym of
Faith Presbyterian Church at the corner
of Airport and Whitesburg Drive. There
will be live music by Ed Baggott and Elsie
Peterson and calling by Jane Ewing. It
is from 7:30pm until 10:30pm. Lessons
begin at 7pm. Admission is $7 and $4 for
students. www.secontra.com/NACDS.html,
Sci-Quest, Hands-on Science Center will
host Parents’ Night Out from 5:30 until
events cont. on pg.13
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 16
THE VALLEY PLANET
events cont. from pg.12
9pm. Parents can drop their children off
at Sci-Quest where they will enjoy dinner,
science activities, and time with Sci-Quest’s
hands-on exhibits. Admission is $20. 256837-0606 or go to www.sci-quest.org
The 35th Annual WAAY 31 Christmas
Parade will be today at noon in downtown
Huntsville.
There will be an Artist Market at the Flying
Monkey Arts Center from noon until 4pm.
Admission is free. It will be every Saturday.
There will be art, jewelry, vintage clothing,
records, and more interesting things for
sale inside our facility.
www.flyingmonkeyarts.org.
Keep Christmas Alive! Festival of Sacred
Christmas Music will be at the VBC
Concert Hall. Performance times are at 2
and 7pm. All tickets are $27.
www.keepchristmasalive.org
There will be a Holiday Tree Display, Tinsel
Trail in downtown Big Spring Park. There
will be glittering Christmas Trees on display
from now until December 31st.
The tree lighting will be tonight.
The Madison Christmas Parade will be
at 5:30pm in downtown Madison. It will
start on Hughes Road and go through
downtown. 256-772-9300
The Dance Theatre of Huntsville presents
Seasons of Love, Rockin’ the Gospel. It will
be at the Academy of Arts and Academics
(AAA). The cost is $10 for adults and $5 for
children. It will be at 6pm.
www.dancetheatreofhuntsville.com
There will be a Planetarium Show, Star
of Wonder at the Planetarium on Monte
Sano Mountain at 7pm. 256- 539-0316
December 3-4
There will be an Antique Erector Set and
Train Display at Southerland Station in
Huntsville. It will be Saturday from 9am
until 5pm and Sunday 1-5pm.
256- 533-4720
The Santa Train will be at the North
Alabama Railroad Museum. Take a train
ride with Santa and gifts for the children.
256-851-6276
December 3-5
The Silver Sticks Hockey Tournament will
be at the Benton Wilcox Ice Complex this
weekend. 256-883-3689
Sunday, December 4
Zydeco and Cajun dance lessons are
taught every Sunday from 6 to 8pm at
the Eagles Lodge located at Bob Wallace
and 10th Street. Partners are not required.
Dance lessons start off the evening and are
taught in the round robin style.
[email protected]
The Film Co-op monthly workshop will
meet in Don’s Studio, at the Flying Monkey
Arts Center. Admission is free and is from
2-4pm. www.flyingmonkeyarts.org.
Monday, December 5
The Huntsville Art League will have
Figure Drawing Group (non-nude), every
Monday from 9 am until noon at the HAL
Gallery. http://huntsvilleartleague.org
The Best Christmas Pageant Ever - Theatre
Production will be at Grissom High School
at 7pm. The cost is $5.
The Huntsville Times Career Expo will be
at the Westin at 11am-4pm.
There will be a Women’s Mountain Bike
Ride every Monday at 5:30pm. It leaves
from the Biker’s parking lot. Beginners are
welcome. www.bicyclesetc.us
THE VALLEY PLANET
There will be a Free Rotary Family Movie
Night, White Christmas, 1939. The show
will be after the Decatur Christmas Parade.
It will be at 7pm at the Princess Theatre in
Decatur. www.princesstheatre.org
The Huntsville Heritage Ringers Christmas
Concert will be at 7pm at Trinity United
Methodist Church in Huntsville. Tickets
are free. 205-602-0597
Tuesday, December 6
Face2Face Improv will be at Sam and
Greg’s Pizzeria Gelateria, every Tuesday.
Admission is $5. It will be at 7:30pm.
www.face2faceimprov.com
There will be an Acoustic Christmas
Concert with Alabama Singer/songwriters
Walt Aldridge, Gary Baker, Lenny LeBlanc
& Teddy Gentry. It will be at the Princess
Theatre at 7:30pm. The cost is $20-$29.
www.princesstheatre.org, 256-340-1778. The American Association of University
Women, Huntsville Branch, is holding its
holiday potluck dinner meeting, from
5:30 to 8:00 pm, at the Covenant
Presbyterian Fellowship Hall, 301 Drake
Avenue SE. AAUW’s “Singing Sisterhood”
(AAUW members and elementary school
girls) and the Huntsville Feminist Chorus
will be performing. 256-880-8643 or herb.
[email protected] Gee’s Place will have Line Dance class
every Tuesday from 6-8pm. The cost
is $5.00.
The Dance Club presents the best in
ballroom dancing every Tuesday night
at Roller Time skating rink, 707 Arcadia
Circle with free lessons (East and West Coast
Swing) beginning at 7:30pm and dancing
continuing until 10:15pm. The cost is $5 for
regular and $3 for students. 256-883-6107
or dancehsv.mindspring.com
Every Tuesday Burritt on the Mountain
will have Knitting at 2pm. Interpreters will
demonstrate a traditional craft or chore.
www.burrittonthemountain.com
There will be a Wednesday Night Road
Ride every Wednesday at 5pm. It leaves
from Bicycles Etc. It is a 27-30 mile one
climb, usually 2 groups form. A helmet and
light are required. www.bicyclesetc
Every Light a Prayer for Peace Tree
Lighting will be at the Huntsville Botanical
Gardens at 9:30 am. www.hsbg.org
There will be a Peer Critique every
Wednesday at 7pm at the HAL Gallery.
http://huntsvilleartleague.org
Gee’s Place will have West Coast Swing
every Wednesday from 6:30-8:30pm. The
cost is $5.00.
An Evening with Rick Bragg at the
Princess Theatre will be at 7:30pm.
www.princesstheatre.org
The Elementary Children’s Choirs at Asbury
United Methodist Church will present
the Allen Pote musical, “Chimes in the
Night,” an inspirational tale of sacrificial
love and giving. The evening concludes
with Christingle (meaning, “Christ Light”),
a traditional servicecelebrating the light of
Jesus coming into the world. It will
be at 6pm.
[email protected]
Renaissance & Burritt Present
Sanders Family Christmas
R
enaissance Theatre and Burritt on the Mountain have teamed up once again. On the heels of a sell-out Smoke
on the Mountain this past summer comes the holiday favorite, Sanders Family Christmas. Written by
Connie Ray, conceived by Alan Bailey, and with musical arrangements by John Foley & Gary Fagin, Sanders
Family Christmas will be performed Wednesday, December 14-Sunday, December 18th, with matinees and evening
performances on the 17th and 18th. All performances will take place in the Old Baptist Church at the Burritt.
It’s Christmas Eve of 1941 and Reverend Oglethorpe has invited the Sanders Family to Mount Pleasant Baptist
Church to sing and witness. He hopes to get the congregation into the down-home holiday spirit before the boys,
including one of the Sanders’ own, ship off to World War II. The Congregation will hear more than two-dozen
Christmas carols, many of them vintage hymns, and hilarious yuletide stories from the more or less devout Sanders
family members. The play is set in a church, which makes the Old Country Church perfect for the venue. The
audience will fit right in as Reverend Oglethorpe pulls them in as the congregation.
Sanders Family Christmas features Mit Merritt as Burl Sanders, Cathy Tichow as Vera Sanders, Jonathan Martinez
as Dennis Sanders, Elizabeth Boulet as Denise Sanders, John Abbott as Stanley Sanders, Tanja Miller as June
Sanders, and Jason Summer as Rev. Mervin Oglethorpe. It is directed by Wayne Miller with Musical Direction by
Joni Boulet. This veteran cast is sure to please. Tickets are $20.00 and may be purchased at Josie’s, or by calling
256-536-2882.
Wednesday at 2pm and 7:30pm, Thursday
and Friday at 7:30pm and Saturday at 2 and
7:30pm. www.merrimackhall.com,
256-534-6455.
will be at 7:30pm Thursday-Saturday and
2:30pm on Sunday. All tickets are $18.
www.renaissancetheatre.com, 256-3117.
(See ad pg.6)
An Evening with Rick Bragg, the Pulitzer
Prize-Winning Author, with a book signing
to follow, will be at the Princess Theatre
in Decatur at 7:30pm. Tickets are $10-$20.
www.princesstheare.org
Friday, December 9
The Huntsville Havoc vs. Columbus
Hockey Game will be at the VBC
at 7:30pm.
The 2011 Home for the Holidays Gala
will be at the Harris Home for Children,
located at 1210 Church Street. It will be at
7pm. 256-837-0332
December 8-11
The Fantasy Playhouse Children’s Theatre
will present A Christmas Carol, directed
by Elaine Hubbard. It will be at the VBC
Playhouse. Tickets are $18 for adults and
for students 17years and under it is $12.
256-539-6829.
December 7-10
The Play Forever Plaid will be at
Merrimack Hall Performing Arts Center
The Play, Miss Merry Christmas Alabama:
The Musical will be at the Main Stage at
the Renaissance Theatre in Huntsville. It
#120111122111
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 16
The 2011 Omega Psi Phi Pi Kappa Kappa
Chapter Holiday Bash will be at J’s
Special Occasions, 5080 Meridian Street
from 8pm until midnight. The cost is $35.
256-690-4665 or 517-438-7648 There will be an artist reception given by
Alan Davis/Monique at the Lowe Mill from
2:12-3:12pm. It is free and open to the
public. www.lowemill.net
December 9-11
The Nutcracker on Ice will be at the
13
Unemployed in
Huntsville?
by Shawn Bailey
I
keep thinking about the fact that a friend of
mine’s journals all burned up in a fire. She
had kept them from the time she was 13 or
so and then--boom--fire and no journals. All
that history. All those thoughts, epiphanies, the
pain and the joy, the excitement, the loneliness,
the everything that was her life recorded over the
years and then gone in a day.
I think about it every time I write in my journal.
I write for two reasons. One, to get all this sh*t
out of my head. I mean, can you imagine if I kept
the fact that eating microwave popcorn causes
obesity in other universes to myself? Holding
in a groundbreaking theory like this could cause
serious mental constipation. No way. Sorry you
guys have to be my vent, but there you are. The
second reason is for my grandchildren or their
progeny. Haven’t you ever wondered what it
was like for your grandfather or great grandfather
growing up? Sure, you get a clipped story
every now and then, maybe on Thanksgiving or
Christmas, and that story is of course repeated
again and again until that small section of their
life is carved in mental marble. But wouldn’t
it be nice to know it all? You know what made
you who you are. And since your caregivers
helped carve out the better part of you (or maybe
the worse part), wouldn’t you like to know what
parental carving tool was used on them? And so
on and so on?
My fear is that I am going to spill my life onto
the pages of all my journals over a ten or twentyyear period and then have it vanish in a night. I
wonder how many people have lost things this
way. Maybe somewhere there is a Library of Lost
Works. It’s probably just down the street from the
Library of Works Never Produced.
For instance, I’m certain no one has ever painted
a picture of a prairie dog shooting Einstein with
a shotgun, in watercolor. This would be in that
library. Maybe a book called 1,999,999 Ways
to Snort Gluons Through a Garden Hose. That
would definitely be in there. What about an ice
sculpture of a campfire? A concerto in K minor?
A car that runs on irritating bullsh*t. You could
feed it a constant stream of car commercials on
the radio, or maybe hook it up to a politician’s
mouth around election time.
Of course, the minute they popped into existence
in the Library of Works Never Produced, they
would, by definition, be forced to pop out of
existence there and pop into existence in the
Library of Lost Works. This would make it very
difficult to check out a book in the Library of
Works Never Produced. You would have to be
very quick.
And if you actually wrote a book detailing
1,999,999 Ways to Snort Gluons Through a
Garden Hose, for a brief moment, the book
would exist in both the Library of Works Never
Produced and on your rather filthy computer desk.
One should be very careful at this exact moment
to not suddenly destroy the book or it would be
in 3 places at once, causing a literary paradox. It
would exist, be lost, and never have existed, all at
the same moment.
What were we talking about?
P.S. My family and I are very happy to finally say
that we will have to change the name of my little
column here in the Planet. After a year away,
and having to do without things like Nothing but
Noodles and Moe’s and nice parks, we are back.
And I am Employed in Huntsville. And since my
laziness knows no bounds, I will leave it up to
you (all 5 of you) to decide the new name for my
column. I would call it Employed in Huntsville,
but that would sound rather pretentious to the
unemployed.
Signed Um… see above.
14
appy Holidays! Welcome to the Jazz Lounge.
It’s that time of year again. Where did the
time go? 2012 is just around the corner. It’s a
tradition with The Jazz Lounge for the holidays to check
in with some of your favorite artists from all over to
see what they’ll be up to. I always find it interesting
because you never know what you’ll hear. The same
two questions were presented to each artist.
H
1 - HOW DO YOU PLAN TO SPEND THE
HOLIDAYS THIS YEAR?
2- WHAT ARE YOUR HOPES FOR THE NEW
YEAR?
BONEY JAMES (Contemporary Jazz Saxophonist)
- Spending the holidays just quiet at home with my wife
Lily.
Looking forward to making more music in 2012, and
seeing all our friends out there on the road!
CHRIS JASPER (THE ISLEY BROTHERS &
ISLEY-JASPER-ISLEY) – We spend the holidays with
family. Every year, we have a big family gathering at
our home for Thanksgiving and I cook the Thanksgiving
dinner, which I must admit is always very good.
My hopes for 2012 are that the economy gets better, that
everyone joins the “Caravan Of Love” and learns to live
in peace (and that I have a hit record!)
PAUL BROWN (Contemporary Jazz Guitarist) –
I’ll be home for Xmas – Hey that’s not a bad title!
Family and friends is the way I like to do the holidays.
There’s always a couple of projects that MUST be done
by the end of the year as well.
I hope 2012 is a happier year for everyone. The whole
planet seems to be on a down turn. Maybe peace and
love will prevail.
MARCUS ANDERSON (Contemporary Jazz
Saxophonist) – I will be home with my family in South
Carolina enjoying music, food, and friends. There’s
nothing like family! 
My hope for 2012 is for everyone around me to be
successful at whatever their goals are. To never stop
following their dreams and reach that goal.
DAVID WELLS (Contemporary Jazz Trumpeter) The holidays, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas,
is by far the best time of the year. I’m in a family with
seven brothers and sisters, and twenty-eight nephews
and nieces, so there’s a lot to catch up on. It’s about
a “family” laughing together and catching up with old
times.
Thanksgiving evening and Christmas with friends and
family.
As far as my hopes for 2012, I hope that in general the
economy picks up so people can get back to work. I
also hope that everyone likes my new CD that is coming
out early 2012! Happy Holidays and a wonderful 2012
to everyone!
LOUIE CRUZ BELTRAN (Contemporary Latin
Jazz Percussionist) - Playing music and spending time
with my family.
I hope to do what I did in 2011, which was staying
healthy, so I can continue doing what I love – playing
and writing music, and spending time with my family
and friends.
KENNARD RAMSEY - (Contemporary Jazz
Guitarist) - Like many of your readers, I plan to spend
this holiday season with family and friends. In recent
years past, I’ve had to be away for various workrelated reasons. This year will be a mixture of some
planned events, dinners, etc., along with the joy of some
spontaneous celebration.
2011 has been incredible, and I hope 2012 will continue
in that same spirit. I want to build on the positive
response “SOMOS” has enjoyed since the release.
Along with Roxboro Entertainment, we’re working
at putting on more “live” performances here in Los
Angeles, but also in areas around the U.S.A., where
the music is really resonating. Getting some real good
feedback from some European stations, so that may
come into play as well. Looking forward to doing more
film and television projects, more generally just trying
to be good to my peeps, grow more as a person, and
composer/musician. Wishing you and everyone a safe
and joyous holiday!
CHRIS STANDRING
(Contemporary Jazz
Guitarist) - Spending the holidays with my loved ones
here in California…
My hopes for 2012 are for my new album to race to
success  and for my dog to benefit from all his recent
training!
Well, there you have it! Thanks to all the artists who
were a part of this special holiday session of The Jazz
Lounge.
Remember, you can reach me at:
[email protected]. Have a great holiday!!
Until next time stay cool & keep it jazzy!
I’m excited for 2012. First, Chocolate Jazz Foundation,
Inc. just became a 501(c) (3), which gives us the ability
to help so many more public schools to raise money
to keep music in the schools. Secondly, I just got on
board with Infinity Artist Group, based out of Temecula,
California. I now have a management team and booking
agent to help. Awesome feeling!!!
SHILTS
(Contemporary Jazz Saxophonist)
– Relaxing with the family...good food, wine and
conversation with wonderful friends.
New CD will be out this spring, so plenty of touring…
good food, wine and conversation with fans.
ROB TARDIK (Contemporary Jazz Guitarist) - For
me the holidays are a great time to spend time with my
two boys and the rest of my family, getting together and
enjoying time together. I catch up on movie watching
and do some writing and guitar playing, as always. I
have a very busy schedule throughout the year and with
the time off I take during the holidays, I enjoy spending
that valuable time with the people I care about.
Well I hope in 2012 for me and my family to stay healthy
and happy to reap the rewards of a great year first and
foremost. I just released my 3rd CD “B.E.L.L.”, so I
will be out performing and promoting my new music
wherever I can spreading Balance, Energy, Laughter,
and Love!
PAULA ATHERTON
(Contemporary Jazz
Saxophonist) - I am planning on playing a little music
on Thanksgiving to try and brighten up the day for
some people who are spending it alone, and are maybe
a little less fortunate. Besides that, I will be spending
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VOLUME 9 ISSUE 16
THE VALLEY PLANET
Benton Wilcox Municipal Ice Complex at
7pm on Friday and Saturday and 2pm on
Sunday. 256-883-3774
The Nutcracker presented by Huntsville
Ballet Company will be at the VBC Concert
Hall. Tickets start at $22.50.
www.huntsvilleballetcompany.org
The Weeden House Spirit of Christmas
Past Homes Tour & Luminaries will be
tonight from 5-9pm. Advance homes
tour tickets are $15.00 for adults, $5.00 for
children 12 and under. The evening of the
tour, tickets will be available at each home.
256-534-0429
There will be a Brunch with Santa at
the Arbor at the Huntsville Botanical
Gardens at 10am. www.hsvbg.org
The Rocket City Marathon will begin at
8am at the Holiday Inn Downtown.
256 650-7063
The Annual Parade of Lights Set for
Saturday, will be at Decatur’s Wheeler
Lake. The free holiday maritime event
features approximately 20 boats of all types
and sizes decorated with lights, holiday
themes, and other festive trimmings for
the holiday season. It will begin at 4pm,
but at 6pm the boat parade will begin.
The best viewing will be at Rhodes Ferry
Park, the Hard Dock Café or the Marina
entrance. 256.306.0909,
www. decaturcvb.org. The Albany and Old Decatur Historic
Districts announce their annual Historic
Decatur Christmas Tour where seven
traditionally decorated homes and
buildings complete with luminaries, fruit
and greenery, and thousands of lights
welcome visitors in celebration of the
holiday season. It will be from 3 until 8pm.
The cost is $15. 256.350.2028.
www.decaturchristmastour.com
The First United Methodist Church
Luminary Night Celebration will be
tonight from 5-7pm. Free to the public.
256-539-5738
Harrison Brothers Hardware will have
Luminary Open House Night tonight
from 5-8pm. 256 536-3631
There will be a Candlelight Christmas
Memorial at Maple Hill Cemetery from 67pm. 256-859-3525
There will be a Live Nativity Scene and
Open House at the Holmes United
Methodist Church from 5-8:30pm.
256- 534-7672
Sunday, December 11
Bel Canto Studios will perform
their Christmas Recital at Covenant
Presbyterian Church in Huntsville tonight
with a reception to follow. (See ad pg.7)
A Holiday Fashion Blitz will be at 2pm
at the Hilton Garden Inn/Space Center
in Huntsville. The event will showcase
vendors in the fashion and arts community
of North Alabama, and holiday fashion
show featuring area fashion designers and
boutiques. 256-361-5652
Monday, December 12
The Huntsville Photographic Society
Program Night will be at the Huntsville/
Madison County Public Library from
7/00-8:45pm. www.hmcpl.org
There will be a Coffee Music Series with
a Christmas Open Mic Night at the Old
Church at Burritt on the Mountain at
7pm. www.burrittonthemountain.com
Hayes Nature Preserve at the
MY Designs Studio 114 at the Lowe Mill
Arts Center.
There will be a workshop, Understanding
Government Solicitations from 9-11am.
It will be at the Huntsville Chamber of
Commerce Auditorium. 256-824-6422
There will be a Holiday Craft Workshop,
Recycled Art, Make a Book Wreath at the
Madison Public Library from 6:00-7:45pm.
256-461-0046
There will be a Messiah Sing A-Long at
the Weatherly Heights Baptist Church at
7:30pm. It is free admission.
256-881-6882
The s Chancel Choir and Asbury Orchestra
directed by Susan Farris presents Come Ye
Faithful, by Hal Hopson. It will be at the
Asbury United Methodist Church at 6pm.
[email protected]
December 14-18
The Sanders Family Christmas at the
will be at Burritt on the Mountain.
Performance times are at 7:30pm each
night and also 2:30pm on Saturday and
Sunday. www.burrittonthemountain.com,
256.536.2882. (See ad pg.13)
December 15-18
27th Annual Living Christmas Tree will be
at the First Baptist Church in Huntsville.
There will be 13,000 Christmas tree lights,
170-voice choir, and a 60-piece symphonic
orchestra. Tickets are free, but advance
tickets should be gotten. 256-428-9400.
The Huntsville Havoc vs. Augusta Hockey
Game will be at the VBC at 7:30pm.
There will be a Holiday Party at the
Madison Public Library from 5-7pm. 256461-0046.
Friday, December 16
The Paranormal Study Center welcomes
Jeanne Mitchell. She is a lecturer &
facilitator, and has a rare gift for inspiring
the mastery inside of her students to step
forth in recognition. It will be at 6:30pm at
the Radisson in Huntsville. Greg Rowe at
(256)-326-0092
There will be an XXXmas Party with Aunt
Sofonda, (of the Posey Peep Show) the
Wrong Brothers & more. It will be from
8:12-11:12pm at the Flying Monkey Arts
Center. Admission is $5. www.lowemill.net
Fri. @ 5, the monthly member reception
at the Carnegie Visual Arts Center will
be from 5-7pm. Food will be provided by
of Albany Bistro. Suggested admission is
$5 for Carnegie members and $15 for nonmembers. www.carnegiearts.org
There will be a Holiday Contra Dance in
the gym of Faith Presbyterian Church
at the corner of Airport and Whitesburg
Drive. There will be live music by Waxwing
and calling by Robin Marcus of Atlanta. It is
from 8:00 until 11pm. Admission is $10 and
$7 for students. 256-837-0656,
http://secontra.com/NACDS.html
There will be a Solstice Celebration at the
Flying Monkey Arts Center from 12-6pm.
It is free admission. The Huntsville Feminist
Chorus gives a concert at 4:30pm. www.
flyingmonkey.org
December 17-18
There will be Gun and Knife Show
at the Cahaba Shrine Temple. It will
THE VALLEY PLANET
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VOLUME 9 ISSUE 16
15
Fine Points of the Law
(1) A recent vicious, unprovoked attack
in Toronto by Sammy the cat on Molly the black
Labrador (bloodying Molly’s ear, paws and eye)
left Molly’s owner without recourse to Ontario’s
or Toronto’s “dangerous pet” laws. The owner
told the Toronto Star in November that, apparently, only dangerous dogs are covered. (2) Maya
the cat was central to a recent contentious British immigration case when a judge seemed to favor residence for a Bolivian national because of
Maya. The judge had concluded that the Bolivian man and his British partner had established
a close-knit “family” relationship because of the
need to care for Maya.
by Chuck Shepherd
Ironies
Unclear on the Concept: (1) Licensed
Texas physician Akili Graham, 34, who gives paid
motivational speeches on healthy living (“How to
Deal With Stress”), was arrested in October in
Houston and accused as the front man for four
“pain clinics” that allegedly dispense prescription
drugs illegally. (2) A chief child-abuse investigator for the Catholic Church in Britain, Christopher
Jarvis, 49, was sentenced in October following
his guilty plea to possession of over 4,000 childsex images on his computer. Jarvis had been hired
in 2002 to protect against pedophiles’ access to
church groups.
Enterprising reporters get stories by earning the
trust of their sources, which Simon Eroro of the
Post-Courier (Port Moresby, Papua New Guinea) obviously did. At a banquet in November,
the News Limited (Rupert Murdoch’s empire)
awarded Eroro its “Scoop of the Year” honor for
reporting on militant tribal fighters of the Free
West Papua movement -- a scoop he had to earn
by agreeing to undergo a ritual circumcision, with
bamboo sticks, to prove his sincerity. (Some of the Why People Love Washington: U.S.
rebels still wear penis gourds whose size varies Rep. Tom Graves of Georgia told the Atlanta
with the status of the wearer.)
Journal-Constitution in August that he and a
partner had “settled” the lawsuit brought by the
The Litigious Society
Bartow County Bank for failing to repay a $2.2
An Illinois appeals court finally threw million loan they had taken out in 2007. Graves
out a lawsuit in August, but not before the two- has been a staunch advocate for governmental fisyear-long battle had created a foot-high pile of cal austerity and voted against raising the federal
legal filings on whether two “children” (now ages debt-ceiling in August. However, he had balked at
23 and 20) could sue their mother for bad par- repaying the $2.2 million (though he had signed
enting while they were growing up. Among the a personal guarantee) because, he said, the bank
claims were mom’s failure to send birthday cards should have known when it made the loan that
or “care” packages during the kids’ college years Graves would be unable to pay it back.
and calling her daughter at midnight to ask that
Violinist Martin Stoner, 60, who lost his
she return home from a party (and once failing to take the girl to a car show).
job after 25 years and who is suing the New York
City Ballet for age discrimination, petitioned fed
Todd Remis, an unemployed stock- eral judge Robert Patterson to disqualify himself
market research analyst, filed a lawsuit in 2009 from the case because he is too old (88) and, acagainst the photographer of his 2003 wedding, cit- cording to Stoner, has vision and hearing probing breach of contract because the 400 shots taken lems.
during the ceremony failed to cover several key
moments, such as the “last dance.” A November Compelling Explanations
2011 New York Times report pointed out that Re- (1) Management consultant Graham
mis is demanding not just the return of his $4,100, Gibbons, 42, was on trial in Cardiff, Wales, at
but for the photographer to pay for re-creating the press time, charged with making a clandestine
missing scenes by covering travel expenses for all video of himself and his then-girlfriend in bed.
40 guests to reconvene. (Remis and his wife have Gibbons denied being a pervert, insisting that he
divorced; she has returned to her native Latvia, made the video to analyze, for “efficiency,” the
and Remis does not even know how to contact “time and motion” of his “performance,” as he
her.)
might do for corporate clients. (Despite his alleged improved lovemaking, the girlfriend broke
Consumer Rights: (1) Jonathan Roth- up with him.) (2) West Virginia roadkill-cookstein of Encino, Calif., filed a lawsuit in Septem- ing activist David Cain told Bloomberg News in
ber against Procter & Gamble for selling its Crest October that he generally supported Volvo’s new
toothpaste in “Neat Squeeze” packages, which driver-safety technology that warns of objects
Rothstein said make it impossible to access the last ahead in the road. Cain pointed out that it was just
20 percent of the contents, thus forcing consumers a warning, that the driver “could still choose to
to buy more toothpaste prematurely. (He wants run over something that’s good for eating.”
Procter & Gamble to return 90 cents to everyone
who bought Neat Squeeze packages.) (2) Sarah People With Issues
In November, Tommy Joe Kelly, unsucDeming of Keego Harbor, Mich., filed a lawsuit in September against the distributor of the movie cessfully acting as his own lawyer, was convicted
“Drive” (starring Ryan Gosling) because its trail- of slashing a stranger’s tire by an Austin, Texas,
ers promised fast-driving scenes (like those in the jury, despite his explanation. “OK, I’m going to
“Fast and Furious” series), but delivered mostly tell you the truth on this one,” he said from the
just drama.
witness stand. “It doesn’t sound right, but it is. I
... had hemorrhoids at that time, super duper bad.”
16
(There have been 391 tire slashings in Kelly’s
neighborhood over the last four years, but he was
charged with only one count, and sentenced to 10
years in jail.)
Least Competent Criminals
Robbers Easily Subdued: (1) Dale
Foughty, 56, was charged with robbing a convenience store in Jacksonville, N.C., in October, despite attempting to intimidate the clerk by
dressing as Spiderman. However, the clerk poked
Foughty in the stomach with a broom, sending
him away empty-handed. (2) Cody Smith, 18, was
charged with snatching a woman’s purse in Johnson City, Tenn., in November. The victim chased
Smith into nearby shrubbery, entangling him long
enough for her to recover the purse. (3) Two men,
attempting a robbery of the Ace Smoke Shop in
Altadena, Calif., in July, fled after grabbing only
part of the store’s cash. They were frightened off
by the manager’s barking Chihuahua.
Recurring Themes
The tactic of “patience” is usually employed when police believe that a suspect has ingested drugs for smuggling, i.e., nature will take
its course, and the drugs will appear in the toilet
sooner or later. On Oct. 12, Nigerian comic actor Babatunde Omidina (known as “Baba Suwe”)
was detained before a flight at the Lagos airport
because authorities suspected that he had ingested
drugs to smuggle to Paris. Omadina denied the
charge, but police locked him up and began monitoring his bowel movements. On Nov. 4, Omadina was released without charges following 25
“evidence”-free movements.
At press time, Melinda Arnold, 34, was waiting
to hear whether her mother would be accepted as
an organ donor for her daughter -- with the organ being the mom’s womb. Melinda (a nurse
from Melbourne, Australia) was born without one
(though with healthy ovaries and eggs), and if the
transplant by Swedish surgeon Mats Brannstrom
of Gothenburg University is successful, and Melinda later conceives, her baby will be nurtured in
the very same uterus in which Melinda, herself,
was nurtured. (Womb transplants have been performed in rats and, with limited success, from a
deceased human donor.)
Government in Action
A British manufacturer, BCB International, is flourishing, buoyed by sales of its Kevlar
underwear, at $65 a pair, to U.S. military personnel in Afghanistan and Iraq. However, soldiers and
Marines must buy them directly; the “Bomb Boxers” are not supplied by the Pentagon even though
nearly 10 percent of battlefield explosive-device
injuries result in sometimes-catastrophic genital
and rectal damage. According to an October report in Talking Points Memo, the Pentagon’s currently issued protection is inferior to BCB’s but
is less expensive. (Although the Pentagon fully
funds post-injury prostheses and colostomies, it
could purchase about 7,700 Bomb Boxers for the
price of a single Tomahawk missile.)
In what a cement company executive
said is “one of those bureaucratic things that
doesn’t make any sense,” the city of Detroit recently built wheelchair ramps at 13 intersections
along Grandy Street, despite knowing that those
ramps are either not connected to sidewalks or
connected to seldom-used, badly crumbling sidewalks. The ramps were required by a 2006 lawsuit settlement in which Detroit pledged to build
ramps on any street that gets re-paved, as Grandy
was. (No one in city government thought, apparently, to attempt a trade of these 13 intersections
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VOLUME 9 ISSUE 16
for paving 13 more-widely used ones in the city.)
A Chicago Tribune/WGN-TV investigation revealed in September and October the astonishing result that Illinois laws passed in 1997
and 2007 at the behest of organized labor have
given at least three former union leaders lifetime
government pensions as if they had been city or
state employees, totaling an estimated drain on
public budgets of about $7 million. Two teachers’
union officials were allowed to teach exactly one
day to qualify, and an engineers’ union official
was hired for exactly one day, with the remainder of the service of the three having been on the
payroll of the respective unions. A September Tribune report estimated that perhaps 20 other union
officials might have been eligible under similar
provisions.
Great Art!
It was haute couture meeting haute cuisine at the Communication Museum in Berlin in
November, as prominent German chef Roland
Trettl introduced his fashions (displayed on live
models) made from food, including a tunic of octopus, a miniskirt of seaweed, a trouser suit made
with lean bacon, a scarf of squid ink pasta, and
a hat woven from lettuce. The museum director
(presumably without irony) said the items were
“provocative” and “raise(d) questions.”
Veteran New York City performance
artist Marni Kotak, 36, gave birth to her first
child, Ajax, on Oct. 25 -- and that was her “art,”
as the birth took place at the Microscope Gallery
in Brooklyn, N.Y., after Kotak had moved into the
space two weeks earlier to interact with visitors.
Previously, Kotak had “re-enacted,” as her “art,”
both her own birth and the loss of her virginity in
the back seat of a car. (A New York Times report
suggested that Kotak may not be the most extreme performer in her family. Her artist-husband,
Jason Martin, makes videos in which he dresses
as a wolf or dog and “conducts seance-like rituals
intended to contact the half-animal, half-human
creatures that visited him in dreams as a child.”)
Police Report
Cutting-Edge Policing: Officials in
Prince George’s County, Md., reported that crime
had fallen as much as 23 percent during the first
nine months of 2011 -- the result, they said, of
holding meetings with 67 of the most likely recidivist offenders in five neighborhoods and
sweet-talking them. The 67 were offered help in
applying for various government and volunteer
programs, but were told they would be watched
more closely by patrols.
Milestone: Joseph Wilson, 50, was
chased by police and arrested in Port St. Lucie,
Fla., in October and charged with shoplifting
from a Beall’s department store. It was his 100th
arrest -- although prosecutors are batting only
.353 against him (35-for-99). (Wilson’s getaway
was delayed when he jumped into the passenger
seat of an idling SUV and ordered the driver to
“Take off!” but the driver did not.)
Send your Weird News to
[email protected]
or P.O. Box 18737, Tampa, FL 33679.
COPYRIGHT 2006
CHUCK SHEPHERD
DISTRIBUTED BY
UNIVERSAL PRESS SYNDICATE
4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111;
(816) 932-6600
THE VALLEY PLANET
be Saturday from 9am until 5pm and
Sunday 10am until 4pm. 256- 859-4470
The Boars Head Yule Log Festival will be
at 5pm at First United Methodist Church
in downtown Huntsville.
The Rudolph Run will be at 8am for
the 5k and 9:15am for the Fun Run. It
will begin at Santa’s Village. www.
blounthospitalityhouse.org
The Moravian Lovefeast will be at
Weatherly Heights Baptist Church at
7pm. There is no admission charge. 256881-6882
Sunday, December 18
Hayes Nature Preserve at the MY Designs
- Studio 114 at the Lowe Mill Arts Center.
There will be a concert, Brass Garlands, at
the Huntsville High School Auditorium
I
THE END!
’ve been spending a lot of time lately at the may be, it is no match for crazy horse hooves.
Fuzzy Farm. Yes, I am clearly out of my mind,
thus always at the proverbial funny farm. The Fuzzy Farm also features two angry
However, this farm of which I write is fuzzy.
horses—angry at the world because they’re on a
diet. They’re called Romeo and…wait for it…
The Fuzzy Farm is a peaceful farm just outside of Donna—a name that’s kinda anti-climactic like
town that’s run by a dawg named Crista. She has Don, the talking horse in the 1980’s comedy Hot
a zany second-in-command named Zippy.
to Trot, starring Bobcat Goldthwait. So angry
Romeo and Donna are happy to help Zippy keep
Once upon a time, Crista was a shy city girl who the putty tat posse in line by rearing up and trying
took a long time to warm up to humans and didn’t to stomp some trouble-makin’ kitty cats.
seem to have an assertive dog bone in her body.
She was rumored to have had a brief dog park Romeo and Donna, although disgruntled with
love liaison with a dog named Redbone—but what their diet, generally keep themselves entertained.
female dog client of mine hasn’t had a fling with The other day I accidentally walked up on what
Redbone. Otherwise Crista was a loner, spending I would call…um…equestrian foreplay. Romeo
most of her days slobbering on her then-favorite was nibblin’ on Donna’s legs. She started kickin’
squeaky toy Froggy and eating dehydrated sweet and backin’ up, so he started bitin’ her booty. This
potato fries in front of the tele.
experience gave new meaning to the expression
“horsin’ around.” I averted my eyes, as it was like
Then along came her adopted sissy Zippy, a watchin’ “My Little Pony the Porno.”
delightfully spastic angel dog with intense love
eyes. Zippy’s warmth and eternal puppy spirit Then there’s the fat hog named Pork Chop. There’s
brought out the playful side of Crista and helped not much to say about him. He doesn’t get caught
her embrace her own joyful puppy nature.
up in the drama on the farm. He’s quiet and keeps
to himself. He pretty much suns himself during
If Zippy looks familiar, that’s because her identical the day and eats like a pig at night.
twin brother, Trip, was featured in my column
reviewing the book Twilight and can be seen on That’s it for the residents. Now, for the visitors…
my YouTube channel, jennimuse, smackin’ his The Fuzzy Farm is a hot spot for goats and sheep
cute chops as he eats his breakfast. His handsome who are looking to party out behind the barn.
mug is also all over my Web site, particularly on One sunny day, I had my hula hoop out and was
my “outrageous pet pics and videos” link.
dancing around the yard. I looked up to find I was
being ogled by a crew of bad boy goats. It was
Today, country girl Crista is a confident and both creepy and oddly flattering.
assertive dawg who runs a tight ship. But like any
hard-working farmer, she knows indulging in a Apparently there is also a donkey named Lulu
bit of R&R is key to keeping sanity and balance. who drops in. She’s known to make an ass of
That’s why in her new country home she has a TV herself. Although Romeo and Donna have an
room where she relaxes on plush, deep lavender exciting love life, Crista reports that the horses
sofas. She has choice décor, which includes a are known to get a visitor from time to time—“a
series of paintings of crazy dawgs chillin’, playing black horse named Lucky.” Aww yeah!
pool and poker, and otherwise acting a fool. When
she’s not centering herself in doggie style, Crista Does your dog spazz out in stormy weather?
gets her meditation on by putting herself in “time Zippy would like to endorse Thundershirt.
out” in her crate.
Check out this product at www.thundershirt.
com. According to the Web site, it’s an effective
Pimp pup Crista also keeps a delicious stable of drug-free alternative to calming dog anxiety. It’s
toys, including a stuffed screaming monkey and recommended for fear of thunder and fireworks,
Moo-Moo Cow. Crista regularly man-handles the separation anxiety, travel anxiety, crate training,
toys, primarily to demonstrate to Zippy how to be problem barking, hyperactivity, leash pulling
a boss. Zippy, after all, is directly responsible for and more. Zippy highly woofin’ suggests you
the 8-11 cats that can be found on the premises. try it!
Zippy’s daily chores
include
running
the perimeter of
the farm to make
sure
there
are
no
unauthorized
breaches, putting
in some time on
a few tunnels to
China, and her
most
important
job—sniffin’ and
slappin’
cats.
Zippy can often be
seen administering
literal bitch slaps.
However, as mighty
as Zippy’s pimp paw
THE VALLEY PLANET
#120111122111
Baby Boomer Bust
by Thomas V. Ress
Baby Boomers: gotta love ‘em.
ack in the ‘60s and ‘70s they were long haired hippies smoking dope and making love, flashing
peace signs and rioting against the government and the Vietnam War. “Make Love Not War”
was their mantra and it was scrawled in graffiti on many an innocent campus building. They
were going to change the world, end the war, clean up the environment, bring down a corrupt federal
government and make civil rights a reality.
B
In the ‘60s when the Boomers first came of age, they explosively arrived on the scene and—love them
or hate them—they did, for a brief and historic time, change things. In part due to their votes, a new
group of idealistic elected officials were swept into office: Gaylord Nelson, Stewart Udall, Nelson
Rockefeller, Robert Kennedy. A slew of progressive changes swept the country: the Civil Rights Act,
the Endangered Species Act, the Clean Air Act, the establishment of the EPA, and so much more.
All amidst scenes of rollicking good times, at places like Haight-Ashbury and Woodstock with the
revolutionary music of the Beatles and the Stones and The Who rocking the show. The world was a fun
and revived place; things looked bright and optimistic.
Then they disappeared. By the mid ‘70s they morphed into a goofy assortment of big-haired doofuses,
wearing huge glasses and baby blue leisure suits and listening (and attempting to dance) to disco music.
That was the beginning of the end. Now they’re balding and grey retirees, chugging pomegranate juice
and Viagra, flashing credit cards and voting against gay rights and abortion. “Some things in life are
priceless, for everything else there is MasterCard” is their mantra today. They want the world to stay as
it is, fight two wars, drill anywhere and everywhere to keep the cost of gasoline down, vote big business
and special interests toadies into office, deny rights to minorities and immigrants.
So much for idealism. The generation that was going to change the world instead changed themselves.
Peace and harmony and green were out the window. They turned out to be sheep, following the easy
and comfortable route into middle age and beyond, concerned not with the country and the planet but
their vacation homes at the beach and their IRAs and their pensions.
So what? Everyone has to look out for themselves; it’s only natural. And as we age, our concerns are
living a comfortable retirement and our health. So why blame Baby Boomers for just doing what other
generations have always done?
It’s the disappointment. Public opinion polls show that Boomers—those once idealistic hippies--are
now more conservative than the rest of the public. In a stunning rebuke of their original goals and
dreams, polls show that Boomers have less concern for the environment, more support for the latest
wars, and less tolerance for the poor and immigrants than the general public.
Perhaps it’s unrealistic to think that one’s idealism won’t wither in the face of life’s vagaries. Some
would say that the hippies grew up and saw the errors of their ways. Either way, no generation in recent
memory has abandoned its goals and dreams and failed to live up to its expectations as drastically and
disappointingly as the Boomers.
Tom Brokaw called Baby Boomers’ parents “The Greatest Generation.” Boomers should be called
“The Sellout Generation.”
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 16
17
FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
December 1 - December 21
© Copyright 2011 Rob Brezsny
ARIES (March 21-April 19): This would be an excellent time to head down to Pucón, Chile and hire
a daredevil to fly you in a helicopter into the caldera of the active Villarrica volcano, whereupon you
would bungee-jump out of the copter down to within 700 feet of the molten lava. If that’s too extreme
or expensive for your tastes, I urge you to come up with a milder adventure that will still bring you a
close encounter with primal heat and light -- and maybe even some divine fire.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): As a mouse looks for food or shelter, it is flexible enough to fit through a
hole as small as a quarter of an inch. You would really benefit from having a talent like that right now,
Taurus. Of course, even if you are as slippery and pliable as you’ll need to be, you will also have to be
on high alert for the inviting possibilities, some of which may be brief or subtle. For example, let’s say
you spy an interesting-looking person with whom you’d love to chat. The window of opportunity may
be open for less than ten seconds. Seize that moment! Refuse to get hung up in shyness. Don’t convince
yourself that another chance will come along later.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): One of my Gemini acquaintances, Tara, has been playing a slow-moving
game of tag with three friends since they were all in second grade together. They’re 27 years old now,
and still live in the same city. Currently, Tara is “It,” and has been so for quite some time. But she
confided in me that she plans to make a move very soon. She says she’ll sneak up on one of the other
players during his lunch break at work, tag him, and run away before he can tag her back. I told her
she’s likely to meet with success, since this is an excellent time for you Geminis to gain an advantage
in pretty much any kind of game you’re playing.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): “Far more crucial than what we know or do not know is what we do not
want to know,” wrote philosopher Eric Hoffer. This is a good idea for you to contemplate right now.
I realize it may be a challenge for you to figure out what you would rather not know and are afraid to
know and might even be allergic to knowing. Still, I hope you’ll make the effort. Maybe you could
enlist a smart ally who’d be skillful in helping you uncover the taboo truth. And maybe you could
formulate an intention to be as objective as you’ve ever been.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Biologists say there are 680 species of trees and shrubs in the U.S. and
Canada. By comparison, Lambir Hills National Park on the island of Borneo is the home of 1,175
species on its 128 acres. I suspect you will feel right at home in places like Lambir Hills in the coming
days, Leo. Your own creative urges will be running hotter than usual, and are most likely to thrive in
contexts that are themselves teeming with lush fertility and rich diversity. Please surround yourself with
inspirational influences, thereby giving yourself the best possible chance to express yourself with vivid
imagination.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “People travel to faraway places to watch, in fascination, the kind of
people they ignore at home,” wrote philosopher Dagobert D. Runes. Your assignment, Virgo, should
you choose to accept it, is to refute that assertion. In other words, I’m inviting you to travel to all of your
usual haunts and treat everything that happens there with the attitude of a first-time visitor. Just assume
that the familiar people and places in your life have stimulating gifts to give and lessons to impart.
Remember, though, they can’t do that to the fullest unless you expect them to.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The human brain is composed of 30 percent protein and 70 percent fat. So
it wouldn’t be incorrect to refer to you as a fathead. In order to nourish your brain cells, you’ve got
to eat foods that provide two essential fatty acids your body doesn’t manufacture: omega-3 ALA and
omega-6 LA. Since you’re now in a “brain-building” phase of your astrological cycle, I urge you to get
more than your minimum requirements of these basics. If I may be permitted to resurrect a now-outof-fashion slang term, I suggest that you also expose yourself to a lot of extraordinarily phat sources of
intellectual stimulation.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): The mawashi is the loincloth that Japanese sumo wrestlers wear while
competing. It’s rare for the garment to come off, even in the heat of a match, but it did happen once in
2000, when a wrestler named Asanokiri suddenly found himself standing naked during his bout with
Chiyohakuho. In conformity with sumo’s rules, Asanokiri was immediately disqualified. I don’t think
you’re at risk for being rendered literally unclothed in the heat of a showdown or a plot twist, Scorpio.
But I do advise you to take extra precautions to prevent a metaphorical version of that occurrence. Get
your act very together, and keep it very together.
W
hyyyyyyy!!!!!? Has no one Adopted
Me! I am Adorable!
Sure I have an issue with cats and other dogs…
so what? I want all the attention. Don’t you?
I am playful and can run like an Alabama
running back… I will love you like you have
never known love. Yes, I will kiss you on the
mouth. I have been spayed, had my shots,
heartworm and flea preventative, blah, blah.
What does any of that matter?
When you meet me, you will LOVE me!
“They” say I am a rescue. I will rescue YOU!
I am ageless…some vet said 2 and a half years
old…HA! I am a puppy and always will be!
People ask…what kind of puppy am I? Jezz…
who knows, who cares? I look like either a
Greyhound or a type of Dalmatian…but, hey...
I am the one and only “Pepper”!
Call 256 479-9463 if interested. $25 adoption
fee to a local animal nonprofit.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “Dear Mr. Brezsny: My name is Sonny McGee and I own a website
that caters to people who are addicted to playing poker. I’m a big fan of your horoscopes, and I’m
wondering if you would like to advertise your work to our audience. Gamblers love astrology! Get in
touch. - Sagittarian Wheeler Dealer.” Dear Wheeler Dealer: Thanks for your interest, but I’ll pass. I
don’t like to encourage anyone to focus their gambling urges on trivial matters like card games, sports
events, and lotteries. I prefer they direct that mojo to high-minded stuff like daring themselves to excel,
pursuing exciting and idealistic adventures, and doing brave things to help save the world. By the way,
it’s prime time for you Sagittarians to ratchet up your commitment to those kinds of gambles.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): I hope you’re not so perversely attached to your demons that you’re
inclined to keep providing them with a comfortable home. Why? Because the coming weeks will be an
excellent time for you to permanently banish them from the premises. Yes, I know it may seem lonely
at first without their nagging, disruptive voices chattering away in your head. But I really do encourage
you to bid them adieu. By the way, as you plan your exorcism, you might want to include a humorous
touch or two. They’re allergic to satire and mockery, you know.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): The Beauvais Cathedral in northern France has been called “the most
daring achievement of Gothic architecture.” Its soaring facades, carved wooden doors, stained glass
windows, and astronomical clock demonstrate high artistry. There’s a problem with the place, however
-- it has never been completed. Work began in the year 1225, and experts are still talking about how
to solve certain ongoing difficulties with its construction. I don’t know when this happy ending will
occur, Aquarius, but I do expect that in 2012 you will be able to put the finishing touches on your own
personal version of the Beauvais Cathedral. And now would be a good time to formulate definite plans
to do so.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): In my prayers, I’ve been negotiating with the Goddess to grant you the
power to change the course of rivers, at least in a metaphorical way. I’ve also beseeched her to show you
how to overthrow the Puppet Master and convert overwrought hawks into savvy doves. The Goddess
seems to be seriously considering these appeals, and has even hinted she might offer you instructions
on how to shape a new Adam out of one of Eve’s ribs, mythically speaking. In return, she does have one
request: that you do what you can to make sure the sun rises on schedule for the next ten days.
Homework: Imagine what your life would be like if you licked your worst fear. Describe this new
world to me. Go to RealAstrology.com and click on “Email Rob.”
18
#120111122111
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 16
THE VALLEY PLANET
Send in your random encounters today. It’s
FREE!!
A CLASSIFIED AD WITH THE VALLEY PLANET GETS YOU:
A line ad (up to 30 words) in print in the Valley Planet for one issue
(3 weeks). Internet ads for 3 weeks on The Daily Classifieds.com,
CraigsList, LYCOS Classifieds, Oodle, myspace classifieds, military.com, Google Base, (Real
Estate classifieds will additionally be on Google Maps Real Estate Listings, Zillow.com,
trulia and Rentals will also be on hotpads.com.)
SERVICE INCLUDES DAILY VIEWER REPORTS.
ALL THIS FOR $40. Employment ads, Rentals, Items for Sale, etc…
Need a pet sitter? “If you’re not home to play Mommy or Daddy, Auntie Jen will take care of your
furry family.” Detailed info at auntiejenpetsitter.com, or call (256) 566-2020,
5am-9pm, 7 days/wk.
Two Lighted Open signs for sale. $60 each or two for $100. Great for bar, restaurant or any retail
store. Call 256 479-9463
Stainless Steel steam pans $5 EACH,various sizes about 20. Stainless steel cart $25 EACH (like for
bussing tables). Call 256 479-9463
The Valley Planet Music Exchange is FREE to any individual (not businesses) looking to
buy, sell, trade or find bandmates. You get a headline and 3 lines of text for FREE!
Please call (256) 533-4613 or
email your ads to [email protected].
GUITARIST seeking interested jazz, classical,
easy listening, and light rock musicians in
northern Alabama and southern Tennessee for
jam sessions.
(931)438-3298 or [email protected]
2001 Custom Grote model Epiphone for
sale. Display guitar, barely used in mint condition $350 firm. Patrick, 256-457-6937.
Does your band need a poster, album
cover, updated band shots, photography,
or graphic artwork? Contact Bryan at http://
www.bhphotoart.com or 256.655.1728 and say
that you saw this ad on ValleyPlanet to receive
20% off of his services.
Musicians to play Open Mic Jam with the
Crawlers on Wednesdays 8 to 12 atCoppertop.
Call 256 759-7571
Southern Gospel Quartet, all parts needed:
singers, bass, tenor, baritone and lead. Instrument players needed also.
Call Billy 256 612-7509 or Wayne 256 603-4650.
WANTED: Drummer and bassist, ideally already tight together (onesinging), for trio w/
keybd/gtr/vocalist. Origs and select covers. Joe
at [email protected]. NOTE: D/B who
contacted me, pls recontact! Lost yr info!
Something different? Rock Opera / Musical
performance piece. Our project needs M &
F singers to complete CD production. If U can
sing & are interested in broadening UR musical
resume, call us. Mike @ 828-342-3117 or Vic @
256-497-4491
Pioneer Speakers: 15 inch woofers, solid wood
cabinets. $150/pair. Call 256-694-3924
For musical experiment of 2 girl/2 guy punk/
thrash/alt band with clean female vox. For
more info contact adam @ 256-431-5130 or
Aye-Damn Jackson on facebook. Should be
open-minded, willing to travel and want to play
music full-time
B-52 professional PA speakers 300 watts
each, 80 ohms, 40-19 hz, 15 inch woofer and
horn, used very little. made in USA. mfg has
web site, call 256-706-3278
THE VALLEY PLANET
Musicians of all kinds needed for a lady with
a Nashville record deal. Prefer women players
and singers. Men are welcome, too. Located in
Huntsville area. Call 318-491-1995
HORN PLAYERS NEEDED! Local original band
seeking experienced horn players. Reggae, jazz,
soul, blues, rock. 256.361.5524
New Age Folk: Wanting to mix Master P, NIN,
WP, Indigo Girls into 15 yrs of folk originals, accomplished baritone using simple rhythms.
Smokers Only. [email protected]
Seeking a band or person: Experienced banjo/guitar player seeking a band, person or persons to perform with, preferably gigs but just to
jam is good also. I also sing. Contact Tim at 281650-2573 [email protected]
Drummer seeking open-minded musicians
to join OR to start a new project,arrange
originals & play the local scene & beyond.
Musically I’m very open but I’d prefer alt rock/
neo-grunge/post emo on the level of FooFighters, Mutemath, Janes Addiction(great local
band ‘Eyes Around’) all the way to stuff like Tool,
APC, NIN, The Cure, Dido, Tegan & Sara to Portishead. Voyage2Infinity@hotmail or 256-2327505.Kirk
Guitar Player Wanted to accompany a local
singer/songwriter who plans to focus on spiritual but NOT religious music. Would like to start
working on building up repertoire and eventually publish and hopefully tour Unitarian Universalist churches. Must be willing to follow my
lead yet add new ideas or possibly collaborate
in writing. Must enjoy playing inspiring and
hopeful, liberal, spiritual music. Please contact
Vanessa at 256-585-0260 or email me at [email protected].
Original Country Band Forming. All instruments welcome, violin, pedal steel guitar, bass,
etc. [email protected]. 256 652-9646. Dorvin.
Original Rock band seeks bass player. For
more info please contact Philip: 256-658-4871
We are putting all the categories together since
it seems like there are always more jeers than
anything else!! But just to give you an idea of
what the To Yuno from Yunohoos are about…
I Saw you: but you didn’t catch my name, You
saw me or you think you were seen: Cheers:
Pay your respect to those who deserve it and of
course Jeers: Frustrated? Tell us all about it.
Thankfully, we don’t know who you are!
To send in your FREE ad
1. Keep your word limit to 40 words. No names,
just initials if you want.
2. Meet the deadline.
3. Get it to us: Put “To Yuno from Yunohoo”
in the subject line of the email and send to
[email protected].
Dana – you do know he breaks up with you every
Christmas just so he doesn’t have to buy you a
gift, right?
HSV Prosecutor W.: Your advances at my
girlfriend are bordering on harassment. Focus
on your job and stop thinking your position of
“power” is attractive. Leave her alone! I know
some good lawyers!
K- You steady screwing up, my man, lost your
religion and seemed determined to lose your job.
Hey Soldier Girl, you just back…why you gotta
go off for a month? I want you to stay home!
From me and your dog
If you are one of those guys who reads about doing
your wife’s hot sister being such a hot experience,
don’t do it. Trust me, it ain’t worth it. From soon
to be divorced!
Mr. Mayberry, I love you. We both suck sometimes
but for the most part we don’t. It’s hard, it’s life,
but I want to marry you, and I will. I’m in it
for good times and bad, though when it’s bad I
may temporarily disappear or pitch a fit. A soon
to be D.
AG – I gotta a big ole crush on you! Secret
Admirer
J. How ironic that you’d accuse me of boinking
your wife. I’m one of the few in the office that
hasn’t, including a couple of the females.
Life has never been better now that you finally
said those three little words! I Love You, too! M
L, I know what K’s going to give you for Christmas
and you better start taking penicillin now.
To all restaurant goers: If you can’t afford to
tip, you can’t afford to eat out. 20% is the new
standard. We make $2.13 an hour and depend on
your tips to live and pay bills. We’re servers, not
servants!!
Kathy, Will you come back and be our mail-person
again? Hugs from Allen just isn’t the same. R
Someone, please stop Mo Brooks before he kills
our jobs again. Tell all three of his wives he’s
cheating on them or something.
Jason, There’s no need to come out of the closet
now that you’ve made yours big enough to live
in.
Okay, a show of hands; who thinks our current
school board is a bunch of idiots? T.M.
Keisha, that doggin you doin is going to get you
in such trouble.
I never ever though I would fall in love with an
actor…am I crazy? C
Beatles Tribute band seeking a ‘George’ for
shows. Contact James (256) 783-7444, jtctoo@
yahoo.com or Tim (256) 417-3932.
#120111122111
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 16
19
“I’m a member!
and I got a great rate
on my auto loan”*
You’ll love the great rates and service on our loans,
as well as a host of other products, including GAP
coverage.** GAP covers the difference between the
vehicle’s value and the amount you still owe. And
when you have a checking account, you are eligible
for even better rates with Redstone MemberPlus!†
Ask about it today!
* Must be RFCU member to obtain loan; all loans subject to credit approval; restrictions apply; contact us for
more information. This Credit Union is Federally Insured by the National Credit Union Administration.
** For a complete list of benefits and rules, see the GAP Waiver Election Form. The purchase of GAP is voluntary
and cannot be required as a condition of loan approval. GAP is a loan/lease deficiency waiver and is not
offered as insurance coverage. Applies only to collateral financed by Redstone Federal Credit Union. A fee
applies, please contact RFCU for more information.
† Must have checking account to be eligible for Redstone MemberPlus! Restrictions apply.
20
#120111122111
¤¤~ÛÝÛoooj]\^[mgj_
VOLUME 9 ISSUE 16
THE VALLEY PLANET

IN THIS ISSUE: Best of the Valley Readers` Poll Continues

Transcription

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