19 - Valley Planet

Transcription

19 - Valley Planet

THE VALLEY
VALLEY PLANET,
PLANET,INC.
INC.
THE
VOLUME 2,
2,ISSUE
ISSUE 10
10
VOLUME
#060304062304
#060304062304
READ THE
THE PLANET,
PLANET,IT’S
IT’S FREE!
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WWW.VALLEYPLANET.COM
JUNE 3-23, 2004
IN THIS ISSUE
Rum, Rumba
Rumba and
and Religion
Religion
Rum,
page 12
YETI Meets
Meets the
the Monkey
Monkey
YETI
page 19
Eleemosynary
Eleemosynary
page 13
In My
My Father’s
Father’s Shadow
Shadow
In
page 21
In This Issue...
Party of One
Uncle Flabby
News of the
Weird
The Deep End
Dr. Anarcho
More
Letter From the Publisher
the military to study in Paris. The application
was denied, and John joined the Navy. His
first tour of duty was as a lieutenant on the
USS Gridley, which ended when he returned
to port in 1968. During his second tour of
duty, he commanded his Swift Boat Patrol
during several operations. John received
three Purple Hearts while in Vietnam.
P.O.Box 335, Meridianville, AL 35759, phone 256.858.6736
Publisher
Milton A. Lamb Jr.
Executive Editor
Tammy Westmoreland
After several years of being involved in
war protests, John returned to school in
1973 and graduated with a law degree from
Boston College of Law in 1976. He was the
first assistant district attorney of Middlesex
County, Mass. (1977–1979). In 1979, he
opened a private law practice. Kerry became
lieutenant governor of Massachusetts in
1982 and served under Michael Dukakis
until 1984. John Kerry was elected senator
in 1984. He’s now running for president on
the Democratic ticket in November.
General Manager
Cherié Lamb
VP Sales & Marketing
Brian Suwarow
Distribution Manager
Mark Barksdale
UAH Summer Intern
Debby Regan
Contributors
Dr. Anarcho, Jeremy L. Anderson,
Karen Bertiger, Lucia Cape,
Georgina Chapman, Marilyn Coffey,
Jennifer H. Daniel, Uncle Flabby,
William A. Giardini, Allison Gregg,
Joy Johnson, Cherié Lamb,
Cathie M. Mayne, Cody Roy,
Catherine Shearer, Susan Stricklin,
Martha Templeton, Ricky Thomason,
Mark Torstenson,
Randy Van Nostrand,
Tammy Westmoreland,
Jim Zielinski
The Valley Planet is printed for you by the
good folks at Pulaski Web
in beautiful & sunny Pulaski, Tennessee
Thank you for reading the fine print of the VALLEY
PLANET. The VALLEY PLANET and valleyplanet.com
are published twice monthly by VALLEY PLANET INC.
P.O.Box 335, Meridianville, AL 35759. Subscriptions
are available for $52 per year, but you can pick up the
paper free all over the place or get it free on the web.
One copy per person please; don’t waste trees. Copyright 2003 by the VALLEY PLANET, INC. All rights
reserved. Reproduction or use without our permission
is strictly prohibited. The views and opinions expressed
within these pages and on the web site are not necessarily those of VALLEY PLANET, INC. or its staff. The
VALLEY PLANET is not responsible for unsolicited
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are available for $2 each. Please send requests by email
[email protected], or mail Valley Planet, P.O.Box
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256.858.6736
I HATE the Lakers.
Go PIstons!
T
his issue’s letter from the publisher
includes a short history lesson. I
know history is boring, but we do
have to elect a president this year. Here is a
brief biography of the two major candidates
running for president of the United States of
America. I know I am leaving out the other
candidates, and I know an argument can be
made that they are as worthy as George and
John. But the simple fact is that it will be
either John or George.
John Kerry married Julia Thorne in 1970 and
has two children from that marriage. John
and Julia divorced in 1988. John inherited a
considerable fortune from the Forbes family.
He remarried in 1995 to Teresa SimoesFerreira Heinz, the widow of Republican
Senator H. John Heinz III. Today, the
combined Kerry-Heinz fortune has been
reported to be as low as $200 million and as
high as one billion dollars, although wealth
of this level is truly impossible to quantify.
States of America in 2000 and is running
for re-election on the Republican ticket in
November.
Everybody knows that George W. Bush is
the right-wing, conservative, Republican
candidate who stands for all that is good
and right with this great country of ours
and that John Kerry is the left-wing, liberal,
Democratic candidate who stands for all that
is good and right with this great country of
ours, so I will skip that part.
George W. Bush:
George W.’s grandfather, Prescott Sheldon
Bush, was a U.S. senator from Connecticut
and a Wall Street executive banker, who
worked for Brown Brothers Harriman.
Prescott graduated from Yale and was a
member of the Skull and Bones Secret
Society, along with classmates E. Roland
Harriman and Henry Neil Mallon. George
W.’s father, President George H.W. Bush,
attended Phillip’s Academy in Andover,
Md., and Yale University and was inducted
into the Skull and Bones Secret Society.
After the war and a distinguished career
in the U.S. Navy, he ventured into the oil
business in Texas. He later went to work
at Dresser for Henry Neil Mallon. Decades
later, Dresser merged with Halliburton,
whose CEO was Dick Cheney.
Well, there you have it. Two decent, hardworking, red-blooded Americans now
sacrificing their own lives to try and help this
country through some of its most prosperous
and most difficult times.
The following is, to the best of my
knowledge, a simple story about two
ordinary Americans. Men who were brought
up just like you and me. Men who understand
the situations that face our families everyday.
Men who, like you and me, want nothing
more than to make this country better for our
children than it was for us. We have decided
that these men are the two best candidates
in this entire country to lead us for the next
four years. We decided that, out of all the
eligible, electable presidential candidates in
America, these two are the top of the heap. I,
personally, don’t get it.
John Kerry:
John Kerry’s father, Richard Kerry, attended
Phillip’s Academy in Andover, Md., and
went on to graduate from Yale University
in 1937. Richard became a member of
the Forbes family in 1937 upon marrying
Rosemary Forbes, John’s mother, whom he
met while taking a sculpture class in SaintBriac, France, her hometown. Rosemary
was the daughter of James Grant Forbes
of Shanghi, China, and Boston, Mass. The
Forbes amassed a very large fortune from
the opium trade and merchant banking
after the Opium Wars in China. The couple
married in Montgomery, Ala., in 1941.
John Kerry was born in 1941, and after
attending several boarding schools around
the world, he enrolled and graduated
from St. Paul’s School in Concord, N.H.
John enrolled at Yale University in 1962,
became a member of the Skull and Bones
Secret Society and graduated in 1966. Upon
graduation, John applied for deferment from
2
George W. Bush attended Phillip’s Academy
in Andover, Md., and graduated from Yale
University in 1968 and was a member of
the Skull and Bones Secret Society. He
joined the Texas National Guard in 1968
and spent 1972–73 in Alabama, working
with Winton M. Blount’s senate campaign.
He was honorably discharged in 1973. He
graduated from Harvard Business School in
1975, making him the first U.S. president to
hold an M.B.A. In 1978, Bush ran for a seat
in congress, but lost to Kent Hance. Bush
started Arbusto Energy in 1979 and sold the
company to Spectrum 7 in 1984, becoming
Spectrum 7’s CEO. Spectrum 7 declared
bankruptcy in 1986 and was bought out by
Harken Energy (Bush became a director).
Bush was accused of insider trading after
selling off his Harken Energy stock just
prior to Harken reporting a quarterly loss of
$23.2 million in 1990. The case has yet to
be resolved. In 1989, George, with a group
of his father’s closest friends, purchased the
Texas Rangers, including the stadium and
the real estate. The team was sold in 1998.
George W. Bush was elected governor of
Texas in 1994 and president of the United
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 10
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To recap, John’s and George’s fathers are
both multi-millionaires, both graduated
from Phillips Academy and from Yale.
George and John also graduated from Yale
and are members of the Skull and Bones
Secret Society. If their ages were just a little
closer, they’d have taken classes together.
We are never going to elect a president that
has ever had a real job, are we? We are
never going to send someone to the White
House who has actually had to earn a living.
Wouldn’t it be nice to elect leaders who
have had to worry about health insurance,
hold off a creditor or two, tell their daughter
they can’t afford that or even go without
a meal because they had to fill up the gas
tank to get to work? Wouldn’t it be nice to
elect someone who has proven their worth
through their own deeds, not their parent’s
money and memorizing some spin doctor’s
speeches?
I don’t see how two members of the Skull
and Bones from Yale University can possibly
offer us anything we need. Especially if we
are supposed to pretend like they represent
opposite ends of the American spectrum. We
haven’t always elected puppets on a string
to sit at the head of the table — or have we?
(Well, there was the actor from Hollywood.)
Anyway, looks like we have a real choice to
make in November, doesn’t it? Either four
more years of the same or four more years
of almost the same. Sounds like every four
years since I was born.
If George and John debate, could we at
least get to watch them do their secret
handshake?
The Valley Planet is zeroing in on our
one-year birthday celebration spectacular
Sunday, July 11 at the Tavern. Look for
details in the next Valley Planet!
Milton A. Lamb Jr.
Voter
THE VALLEY PLANET
In The Planet
THE VALLEY PLANET
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 10
#060304062304
June 3 - 23, 2004
NEXT ISSUE JUNE 24, 2004
UNCHAINED MALADIES, Ricky Thomason
4
BOONDOCKS
4
LETTERS TO THE PLANET
5
ON THE COVER: “Fall Woods,” Allison Gregg
5
REVIEW: Cinema, All D’oh, No Homer, Cody Roy
6
REVIEW: Print, “Big Fish,” Martha Templeton
7
Dr. Anarcho’s Rx For Old Stuff That Don’t Suck
7
DONNA THE BUFFALO, Georgina Chapman
8
NO EXPERIENCE REQUIRED — JUST ENTHUSIASM!,
9
Cathie M. Mayne
“RAGTIME,” Susan Strickland
10
LIQUID MEAT: At the Movies, Jeremy L. Anderson
10
THE DEEP END:
Yeah, And I’m the Holy Ghost, Marilyn Coffey
11
Devotion #1, Joy Johnson
11
RUM, RUMBA AND RELIGION, Lucia Cape
12
“ELEEMOSYNARY,” Jim Zielinski
13
THE GREAT HIGH, Tammy Westmoreland
14
CALENDAR OF EPIC PROPORTIONS
15
SUMMER LOVIN’, Jennifer H. Daniel
18
YETI MEETS THE MONKEY, Catherine Shearer
19
IN MY FATHER’S SHADOW, Cody Roy
21
LISTINGS, Where to Go!
22
PARTY OF ONE: Broken Glass, Allison Gregg
24
ASK UNCLE FLABBY
27
HELP CHANGE ALABAMA’S FLAWED CONSTITUTION,
28
William A. Giardini
ADVENTURES OF A YANKEE DOWN SOUTH: Beware:
New Yorker Behind the Wheel, Karen Bertiger
29
“THE SALOONKEEPER’S DAUGHTER,” Jim Zielinski 29
NEWS OF THE WEIRD
30
VALLEY PLANET HELP-WANTED ADS
31
DISCUSS THIS
TABLE OF CONTENTS OR
ANYTHING ELSE ON THE
PLANET’S FORUMS AT
THE VALLEY PLANET
#060304062304
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 10
3
Unchained
Maladies
Ricky Thomason Writes
A
friend told me he’s tired of
screwing around. He’s ready for
love with a real woman. I asked
if by “real woman” he meant one that he
didn’t have to inflate first.
different areas of a community, and that’s
exactly what’s in danger of happening in
North Alabama. And it could affect you.
Say what? That’s right. If you’ve had
unprotected sex with two or more partners
in the last year or so, your chance of
carrying a bit of that go-box home for the
family to enjoy increases exponentially.
Sometimes it’s love at first sight. You can
just be strolling down Bourbon Street,
minding your own drunken business,
when suddenly, there she is, the dolly of
your dreams. You know you have to have
her, whatever it takes. Carpe diem — or
carpe sheepem in this case. Inflatable
sheep love-dolls are hard to come buy, er,
I mean get a hold of. They are rare pieces
of fluff, in other words. You gotta love
New Orleans. That place can provide you
with some interesting conversation pieces
for your living room, at the very least.
That puts a lot of guys in an ethical
dilemma. And you never want to put
a guy in one of those. It’s worse than
putting him in a pot of boiling water.
What if, in a fit of pique, a fellow did
something particularly dumb — you
know, like dropping $20 into a massageparlor spa slut machine, just to get lucky
— and managed to catch something Ajax
won’t wash off. Would you want to know
exactly what it was? Would he be any
kind of obligated to continue to try and
tell you, even if you avoided him out of
spite?
Don’t act so shocked. Not far from here,
not many years ago, somewhere about the
Morgan/Marshall County line, an arrest
was made because a local yokel was
making his dog a bit more than man’s best
friend. This impromptu sex-education
class was held in the front yard of his
home — in front of a busload of school
kids.
What was most telling about the whole
ordeal was the reaction of the community.
Their main concern wasn’t the inherent
weirdness of the bestiality, or that Augie
Doggie and Doggie daddy were doing it
people-style in front of the school kids.
No, the number one concern in this burg
was whether or not the dog was male or
female. That was serious. They knew Billy
Bob had small problems — like everyone
else in the community — but they never
reckoned the boy might be queer.
the dog wanted it. And since the dog
was determined to be two years and two
months old, that was the age of consent in
human years. Figuring it’d be a new leash
on life, it’s rumored that the guy wanted
to marry the pooch, but someone told him
the bitch would make his life hell. Those
redheads have such a temper.
As if the world didn’t have enough
problems, a few decades ago in Africa,
some rain forest yahoos got ‘faced on
fermented berries and decided to beat it
into the bushes and boink a few monkeys.
In a fit of pique, the monkeys gave them
AIDS in return. Add that to gonorrhea,
syphilis, herpes, warts and hepatitis and
you have quite a zoo of diseases you can
catch on your night out — and you can
catch every darned one of them here in
town.
That’s right — with the illegal aliens
flooding our area, the exploding crystal
meth trade and the prostitutes who prey
on the lot, STD numbers in Huntsville
and Madison County are approaching the
alarm point. Just about every category of
things that you can catch doing the nasty
is on an upward plane and shows no signs
of leveling off.
STDs have a bad habit of escaping their
original demographics and jumping into
Screw it. This inflatable sheep is looking
better and better. It beats being the goat or
being treated like a dog.
Ricky Thomason is a freelance writer from
Huntsville. Email Rick at
[email protected].
Let Ricky know what you think at our forums at
www.valleyplanet.com.
BOONDOCKS
It was a chow dog to boot. Probably had
its tail curled over its back like they do —
just asking for it. My nephew insists that it
almost certainly had to be consensual sex.
Hell, you can’t even get close enough to a
chow to pet it. If that doofus was porking
it, he can use the Kobe Bryant defense:
artwork by Debbie West
This all happened to a friend, of course.
And I wish he’d never come to me for
advice, because I don’t know what to
tell him other than to see the wonderful
people at the state health department.
There are men and women all over the
Tennessee Valley facing this choice every
day, and as a result, the numbers are
increasing. If you can’t contact potential
at-risk partners yourself, the ADPH can
contact them for you, I suppose. … And
ain’t that a call we all want to get? “You
may already have won …”
4
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THE VALLEY PLANET
Letters To The Planet
There is nothing more fun for us than getting your letters and
emails. PLEASE keep sending them in. We may not print them
all, but we’ll try. Please send your comments to
[email protected]. Thanks everybody!
On the Cover
Fall Woods
by Allison Gregg
Milton,
I have been interested in this subject myself. Here are the results of some of my research.
OK, here we go. Famous Huntsvillians. While you mentioned Werhner Von Braun, John Stallworth, and Tallulah Bankhead, there are several famous people that you left off the list. They
may not have been born here, but they do have a connection to Huntsville/Madison County.
Paula Poundstone - the comedian was born December 29, 1959, in Huntsville Hospital. Her
father was an engineer at NASA. Condredge Holloway. . . Jimmy Key. . . Don Mincher. . . Dave
Parrish - Considered one of the ‘fathers’ of photorealism painting - He became famous for
his large canvases depicting closeup details of Harley Davidson motorcycle engines. He has a
home in Twickenham. Dean Jones - Disney movie actor - actually born and raised in Decatur.
Jerri Manthey - From the “Survivor: Outback” reality show. . . Duane Chase - Played Kurt in
the “Sound of Music. “ Worked as a software engineer at Intergraph and is currently employed
by Microsoft. Clifton Davis . . . Little Richard - Yes, that one. Went to Oakwood College and
became a 7th day adventist minister. Fred Barry - Rerun from the “What’s Happening” series.
Married a woman from Huntsville and lived here for several years. Maria Howard Weeden
- Famous poet, author, artist. Harry Townes . . . Larry Byrom . . . Take 6 . . . Jan Davis - Astronaut
. . . John Sparkman - Famous Alabama senator . . . Marianne Gordon-Rogers - Married to Kenny Rogers - was a regular on the show “Hee Haw” - she is referenced in one of Kenny’s songs as
“the girl from Madison County.” Spike McRoy - PGA golfer . . . Rudy Mockabee - former lead
singer for the Drifters . . . Microwave Dave . . . Tony Mason - musician/bar owner/ inventor of
Lynchburg Lemonade. Bobby Kendricks. . . Noll Hollis - famous artist that studied for years
under Salvidor Dali. Lionel Delmore . . . Brett Butler - Comedienne . . . Homer Hickam. . . Herb
Francis . . . Malcolm H. Smith . . . Cully Hamner . . . Bill Holbrook.
I’m sure that I’ll think of more. If I do, I’ll let you know. Have a good day. Hell, have a great day!
G. T.
Wow, thank you,
I just got home last night from a show and found the Valley Planet on my studio desk. You did
a wonderful job! Thanks for using my painting and allowing me such generous space for the
bio info. Truly, I appreciate it. Good issue, too! My husband got a huge kick out of your “pitiful
Parkway” comments : )
“Fall Woods,” by Mississippi artist Walter Anderson, is one of more than 75 works featured in “Visions of
Nature: The World of Walter Anderson,” on view at the Huntsville Museum of Art now through August 31.
Dana
Back-to-back with Ricky Thomason. Be still, my heart...
There we are. Together. Ricky’s “Hispanic” on one side of the recycled sheet, Darleene Meeks’
“Thieves” on the other.
Wonder if I’ll ever be on the same page as Ricky. Yeah, I’d like to be on the same page with
Ricky AND Jeremy. Those two have been caressing my cerebral cortex for MONTHS now.
The three of US on the same page. Man, THAT would have to be heavily edited...Yeah, I’d like
to...
Hey, how long have ya’ll been listening in? (click) (dial tone)...
Anarcho rocks
Doc Anarch,
Wow, thanks for the review/reminder of the Ozark Mountain Daredevils. Man, haven’t thought
of them in ages, but upon reading your column, I was taken right back to my teen “cowboy
rock” phase! What’s next, Pure Prairie League? I must disagree with you, though, regarding
“Chicken Train” -- it’s a great song, at least it was 20 years ago.
Regardless, thanks for reminding folks of some of the good old stuff out there that might not
make it onto the classic rock playlist.
An OMD Fan
Dear OMD fan.
We’re here to please at your Planet. Pure Prairie League is an excellent idea by the
way, good stuff. Anarcho is always open for suggestions of things others missed but
might enjoy.
Dr A.
W
alter Anderson described himself as “the artist who prefers nature to art” and sought
to merge himself with nature in order to understand it. His love of adventure,
combined with a passion for epic stories, took him to China, Central America
and, ultimately, to his favorite destination, Horn Island. From 1948 until his death in 1965,
Anderson spent most of his time on the 12-mile-long barrier island, which lies eight miles off
the Gulf Coast of Mississippi. This time in his life is known as the Horn Island Period and
includes Anderson’s most mature work.
Through the exhibition “Visions of Nature,” viewers are taken on a metaphorical journey to
the pristine natural world where Walter Anderson spent his last 18 years.
“From Anderson’s multifaceted legacy, we are able to better understand the relationships and
connections between the visual arts, natural science and literature,” museum president and
CEO Clayton Bass said. “Through his poetic, poignant life journey, we are allowed to gain a
deeper understanding of our own visions of nature.”
“Visions of Nature” presents three elements of Anderson’s life during the Horn Island Period.
Works in “The Mainland,” “The Crossing” and “The Island” showcase the depth of his talent
and his view of the places around him. “The Mainland” focuses primarily on the plants, trees
and animals of Mississippi. “The Crossing” features watercolors depicting Anderson rowing
across the Mississippi Sound to Horn Island. “The Island” takes the viewer to the uninhabited
island Anderson retreated to for nearly two decades. Pieces in “The Island” are in various
media, including more than 12 works from Shearwater Pottery, the company Anderson’s
family established in 1928 and still owns.
Animal specimens from the Anniston Museum of Natural History and award-winning works
by New Orleans photographer Dr. Donald Bradburn, a natural preservation activist who
also spent time on Horn Island, are included in “Visions of Nature.” Bradburn’s images are
displayed next to Anderson’s paintings, allowing the viewer to see the same elements of
nature through different eyes. Quotes from journals Anderson kept throughout his life are also
featured on the walls of the Grisham Gallery.
Walter Anderson, 62, died in 1965 of lung cancer in a New Orleans hospital. Much of the
work survived only by chance; it was discovered throughout his cottage after his death. Those
found treasures present the viewer today with a fascinating opportunity to share Anderson’s
vision.
Allison Gregg is the communications associate at the Huntsville Museum of Art.
THE VALLEY PLANET
#060304062304
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 10
5
REVIEW: cinema
by Cody Roy
All D’oh, No Homer
TROY
I
n “Troy,” Odysseus describes war as
a matter of “young men dying and
old men talking,” but the movie itself
seems to sum it up in other ways. War
apparently consists of pixels perishing
and man keying more. Riding Peter
Jackson’s slovenly coattails, director
Wolfgang Petersen tries to once again
overwhelm us with entire horizons
crawling with CG armies, millions of
virtual warriors slo-mo clashing to the
swell of Enya-esque warbling. But you
might also gather from “Troy” that war
is the product of unattractive extras dying
and pretty stars pouting. Amid the CG
carnage and slain stuntmen are Brad Pitt
and Eric Bana, tanned, sinewy roosters
rustling each other’s sexy feathers in a
familiar manner.
As great movies like “Platoon” and
“Saving Private Ryan” have shown, war
is not poetic, beautiful or stylized. It’s not
about permitting the enemy a proper burial
or honorably bowing your head to await
the victor’s final blow; it’s about stabbing
yourself in the thigh to be sent home or
hiding beneath your dead buddy’s body
to avoid detection. It’s dehumanizing
enough without Hollywood simulacrum.
In its shameless appropriation of LOTRgarage-sale pixels and repackaged
performances, “Troy” is also déjà vu
derivative. It’s like watching the Hulk
battle Tyler Durden, while Legolas stands
by shooting arrows at Tyler’s heels and
Lawrence of Arabia looks on, trying
his damnedest to appear as venerable
as Gandalf. I honestly couldn’t see the
picture for the pixels, the war for the
soldiers, the movie for the stars. But I’m
getting well ahead of myself here.
Set in 1193 B.C., “Troy,” loosely based
on Homer’s epic “The Iliad,” is the story
of Paris (Orlando Bloom), a Trojan prince
who undermines his country’s peace pact
with Sparta by seducing and stealing
Helen (Diane Kruger), the gorgeous
wife of Spartan king Menelaus (Brendan
Gleeson). Joining forces with his despotic
brother, Agamemnon (Brian Cox), jilted
Menelaus then declares war on Troy,
whose gates are closely guarded by King
Priam’s (Peter O’Toole) other son, Hector
(Bana). Torn between moral disgust for
his brother’s wrongdoing and loyalty to
family and country, Hector defends the
walls of Troy valiantly. Desperate, the
Greeks recruit sword-for-hire Adonis
. . . er, Achilles (Pitt), supposedly the
greatest living warrior. Due to political
disagreements
with
Agamemnon,
however, Achilles is reluctant to fight; but
after Hector kills his cousin in battle, he
6
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changes his mind. And, well, you know
the rest. There may be a big, wooden pony
involved somehow, too.
Though this may be the stuff of legend,
I simply refuse to buy into some of the
cheese, fluff and implausibility that
weaken “Troy.” In one scene, for example,
Hector decides enough blood has been
spilt for one day and effectively calls
a time-out. Amazingly, every member
of both warring armies simultaneously
concurs with this assessment, stops midswing and retreats. What you talkin’
about, Wolfgang? In the middle of
another battle, thousands cease fighting
all at once to crowd around and egg on
Hector and Achilles going at it one-onone. What is this, the boys’ locker room
during junior high PE? And most unlikely
of all is 100-year-old King Priam singlehandedly infiltrating the Greek camp, and
even creeping into Achilles’ tent for a
midnight chat, without so much as raising
a well-waxed brow. Huh?
With its huge budget, “Troy” obviously
has flash and a certain degree of craft,
but overall, it fails as a movie. It works
much better as a trailer, a billboard, a
poster, a pack of trading cards. But sadly,
Pitt’s mug, the face that has launched
a thousand hits, will more than likely
launch another.
Cody has instituted a new rating
system just for you.
Must See
Worth Seeing
Wait for the Rental
Borrow a Copy
Don’t Bother
Cody Roy is a freelance
writer currently residing
in Huntsville. Email your
comments to
[email protected].
THE VALLEY PLANET
REVIEW: print
by Martha Templeton
“He was born during the driest summer
in forty years. The sun baked the fine red
Alabama clay to a grainy dust, and there
was no water for miles. … The day he
was born someone spotted a cloud over
thataway, with something of a darkness
to it. People gathered to watch. The day
he was born things changed. Husband
became Father, Wife became Mom. The
day Edward Bloom was born, it rained.”
So begins “Big Fish,” the story of a man
whose life is destined for such greatness
that on the day he is born even the heavens
open up and rain on a drought-stricken
land. It’s the story of a man destined for
travel and adventure, too restless to be
content as a big fish in a little pond.
Daniel Wallace uses this book to create a
modern-day myth about a simple traveling
salesman named Edward Bloom. Wallace
tells the story from the point of view of
Bloom’s son, who weaves memories of
his father’s fantastical tall tales together
with his own struggles as he watches
his father die, yearning to know the man
beyond the stories. The book, itself, is
made up of various vignettes, most of
which are able to stand on their own, yet
they are masterfully strung together in a
way that keeps the reader laughing, crying
and turning each page in anticipation of
the next.
I must admit I started the book skeptically.
I’ve long been of the opinion that myths
and tall tales are a valuable part of our
history — a part to be revisited, rather
than reinvented. Scholars tell us that
ancient myths were created, at least in
part, for the purpose of explaining the
mysteries of the universe to mankind.
They are a leftover clue that our ancestors
struggled with the tendency to ask “why.”
And, though scientists have long since
answered many of those questions, the
stories, themselves, have survived.
The stories have survived because they
provide evidence that, while the scientific
answers may have been bigger than the
people of the time, the answers paled in
comparison to the imaginations that these
storytellers cultivated as they sat around
glowing fires. For every mystifying
question, storytellers would lean forward
and weave elaborate explanations that
would satisfy the itching ears of those
gathered around to such an extent that
they would remember them long after,
recreating the experience for their
children and grandchildren. And the cycle
would continue until somebody had the
notion to write them all down, just in case
there was ever a generation that didn’t
have the good sense to come together
around the fire at the end of the day.
The truth is, we all still love a great
story, and a good storyteller can make us
believe almost anything. Daniel Wallace
is such a storyteller. He reminds us that
the universe still holds mighty questions,
and though they have changed slightly,
the questions are still bigger than we are.
Our minds still search for answers. And,
very often, when we see the questions
as unanswerable, we create the answers
ourselves, weaving highly wrought tales
that comfort, sustain and sometimes
THE VALLEY PLANET
even entertain those around us. When it
gets right down to it, though scientific
knowledge may have advanced, we
haven’t really changed that much since
the days when Atlas held the world
bravely on his shoulders and the sun was
pulled across the sky by Apollo’s flaming
chariot.
Of course, the reader will find parallels
to ancient myths as the story unfolds.
There is the dog that guards the city
limits of a place that has no name, and
he does so with the same vicious tenacity
that we see in Cerberus as he guards the
gates of hell. There are giants and twoheaded women and swamps that will
actually follow a girl into town if she is
left alone, without the love and attention
she desires. The tall tales are captivating,
the humor is intoxicating, and in the end,
there is an explanation of a modern-day
phenomenon. It isn’t exactly scientific,
but it sure did make this reader feel good.
I love “Big Fish” because it illustrates a
truth that the child within us has always
known: that we all need to believe that
our parents are larger than life — better
than is humanly possible. We want the
truths that they teach us to be mirrors of
their own perfect lives and the stories that
they tell us to be windows into their toooften shaded souls. This book brought me
face-to-face with a phenomenal paradox
that I believe lives in every child. While
we want to believe our parents live up to
our greatest ideals, our greatest fear is that
we will never truly know them as people
— that Dad or Mom will turn out to be,
after all, the one that got away.
Read “Big Fish.” Read it as a parent. As
a child. As a lover of myths. Read it for
its Southern charm. Read it for its tall
tales and hilarious surprises. Never has
there been so much truth embodied in a
collection of lies. Don’t borrow it; buy it.
It is one you’ll want to re-read for years
to come.
’s
O
H
C
R
A
N
A
DR
Rx for Old Stuff That Don’t Suck
The Subdudes
Your doctor loves to find old stuff that’s new to him, and this issue
finds me in music heaven. Once in a while, a group comes along that is
so good and unusual that you wonder how they’ve escaped their due fame.
Then, you remember what it takes to be famous in music these days.
I’ve listened to music long enough to know that talent isn’t always enough to get a
group ahead or even noticed. Far too many “music” lovers in this country wouldn’t
know good music if it ran out of the bushes and bit them on the ass.
The love of good music is almost always a mark of intelligence. It takes a heart, soul and
mind to appreciate the creativity that inspires real music and to appreciate the many,
many good musicians we are lucky enough to have here in North Alabama. We are
truly blessed. Maybe it’s something in the water or beer or air — who knows? It’s here,
and all of us who love the tunes should get out and see these wonderful performers
more often. They are available seven nights a week in convenient locations, usually
without cover charge.
Sadly, I have a couple of friends who got hung up on “just Motown” or “just this” or “just
that.” Not that there’s anything at all wrong with any of what they like; it just pains me
to see otherwise intelligent people close their ears and minds to new, different and
really good music. If I get that way, someone please take my morphine from my bag
and OD me — then you can have the rest to do with what you will.
Until I joined the wonderful world of satellite radio, I thought there was very little, if
any, new music being produced in America today. I thought sight had eclipsed sound
and lip-sync was the order of the day, except for the always reliable old blues, and the
new-old blues of Clapton and Keb’ Mo’.
But there’s a lot of new blues and soul these days. One group emerged in the midnineties from New Orleans. They play a stirring mix of rock, jazz, zydeco, gospel,
country and blues with harmonies so sharp it will make your chill bumps rise.
Dr Anarcho’s Rx for old stuff that don’t suck: The Subdudes. These guys have amassed
an impressive body of work in their two incarnations, but the beginner can do no
better than to start at the beginning with the Subdudes’ self-titled debut. It’s a good
feeling to ride down the road with a new disc in your player and find yourself grinning
like a mule eating briars, trying to sing along with songs you’ve never even heard
before.
Not since Daryl Hall and Michael McDonald has there been blue-eyed soul with
voices of this caliber, passion and strength. Mix that with powerful lyrics and you
have a winning combo. Supersize mine — I ordered everything they’ve recorded after
hearing the first one. If you ever liked the Amazing Rhythm Aces, that’s about as close
as I can come to giving you an inkling of what you are in for, except the ‘dudes are
smoother and more bluesy.
“Big Fish: A Novel of Mythic
Proportions” by Daniel Wallace, Penguin Books, available in hard cover and
paperback.
My recommendations are often for the young who missed something good of the
old — and there’s plenty of that available. This issue, I want the oldsters to make it a
point to order themselves some Subdudes. They are available locally and online, new
and used. It just might restore your faith in music. It went a long way toward restoring
mine.
Martha Templeton is an author, teacher and
storyteller from Mentone, Alabama. Email her at
[email protected].
#060304062304
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 10
[email protected]
7
309 Jordan Lane, Huntsville AL 35805
256-430-4729 www.thefretshop.com
Donna the Buffalo and Many More
at Ability Fest 2004
By Georgina Chapman
Guitar, Banjo, Mandolin
Sales, Instruction, Repair
Donna the Buffalo
W
here Donna the Buffalo goes,
the Herd will follow. And on
June 19, Donna the Buffalo
will be one of the most talked about and
anticipated bands of Ability Fest 2004.
BECOMING A NATION:
Americana from the Diplomatic Reception
Rooms, U.S. Department of State
May 22 through July 18
VISIONS OF NATURE:
The World of Walter Anderson
through August 18
AN EYE FOR ADVENTURE:
Walter Anderson’s View of Children’s
Literature
through October 31
Huntsville Museum of Art
300 Church Street South 535-4350
www.hsvmuseum.org
A huge following of devoted fans are
already spreading the word — some
even buying tickets to Ability Fest
from Georgia and Arkansas — waiting
for another chance to see Donna the
Buffalo. And when this unique band,
with its trademark for uplifting music and
political conscience, walks into Joe Davis
Stadium, the Herd will be ready.
So who exactly is the Herd? And how
have they become such an influential part
of this band’s success?
According to Donna the Buffalo, “The
Herd is a growing number of people who
are enjoying the music, the atmosphere,
the shows, the gathering that is Donna the
Buffalo. The Herd travels from far and
wide to meet and enjoy life … a pack of
people, a pack of love, a pack of energy
adding life to the Donna the Buffalo
scene.” www.donnathebuffalo.com.
“Music like this needs to be
experienced, encouraged and
supported. It is dance music that
speaks to the heart, with words
and melodies to live by.”
— T-Mystic, Hittin’ the Note
This inspired fan-base crisscrosses the
country, following the band’s original
1960 tour bus. They span several
generations, ranging from the very young
to the very old. They have committed their
musical loyalty to Donna the Buffalo, and
believe it or not, many of the Herd also
live right here in North Alabama.
Donna the Buffalo is a blend of six
musicians and their gifts toward reggae,
rock, country, Zydeco, Cajun and folk
traditions. The dual vocals of Tara
Nevins and Jeb Puryear add to the
band’s hypnotic and melodic quality,
all the while encouraging the audience
to get up and dance. Their lyrics pay
particular attention to social and moral
8
responsibilities, beliefs strongly held by
each member of the band.
Following the group’s 1999 release
Rockin’ in the Weary Land/Sugar Hill
Records, which won the AIM Award for
Best Rock Album, Donna the Buffalo
released their fourth album Positive
Friction/Sugar Hill Records, which
climbed to #14 on Americana Radio.
Their brand-new release, Live from the
American Ballroom, is a double, live CD,
produced on their own label, Wildlife
Music, and features the best songs from
their sold-out East Coast Tour.
Donna the Buffalo is a huge believer in
charity and turning belief into action.
Their FingerLakes GrassRoots Festival
in upstate New York has donated
hundreds of thousands of dollars toward
AIDS programs and art education.
Their participation in Ability Fest 2004
is just another important way for them
to combine their music with a higher
purpose.
You can see Donna the Buffalo for
yourself when they join eight other bands
June 18 and 19 at Joe Davis Stadium
in Huntsville, Ala. Check out the twoday lineup, plus buy tickets online at
www.abilityfest.com. A one-day ticket
is $15 in advance and $20 at the gate.
All proceeds from Ability Fest benefit the
Ability Foundation and the installation of
handicapped-accessible, automatic doors
in schools.
P.M. DAWN is two talented brothers who
have experienced worldwide fame and are
now taking charge of their music. Don’t
miss “Set A Drift on Memory Bliss,”
plus their self-produced Jim Sullivan
Syndrome album. 7:45 p.m.
GARAJ MAHAL, nominated for a
“Jammy” in 2002, is making waves
in music and sharing the stage with
none other than Sting, Bela Fleck,
Trey Anastasio, String Cheese Incident
and many more. Garaj Mahal brings
together four talented musicians who are
constantly pushing the envelope in music
improvisation. 6 p.m.
Saturday, June 19 — Gates Open at 1
p.m.
ACOUSTIC SYNDICATE is definitely
on the rise as the new leader in highenergy, Americana music. See why many
of their shows are selling out and their
intense, live performances are getting
national attention. 10 p.m.
CODETALKERS FEAT. COL. BRUCE
HAMPTON is what the Colonel has been
waiting for. Dubbed as the Godfather of
alternative Southern music, the Colonel’s
collaboration with the Codetalkers is now
ready to take the world by storm. 8:30
p.m.
Donna the Buffalo will be there … and so
will the Herd.
LARRY KEEL EXPERIENCE plays
to its bluegrass legacy with Larry Keel
leading the way. The musician’s efforts
to preserve American musical heritage is
what also helps inspire his own creative,
acoustic sound. 7 p.m.
Also playing at Ability Fest 2004:
DONNA THE BUFFALO – 5 p.m.
Friday, June 18 — Gates Open at 5
p.m.
MOUNTAIN MOJO AUTHORITY
Roots music and dub reggae. This group
of eight is traveling from upstate New
York to join friends Donna the Buffalo at
Ability Fest. 3:30 p.m.
ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT is
redefining what it’s like to create music,
go on different paths, and come back
together again for something truly
special. Not only will you hear favorites
“Tennessee” and “Mr. Wendel,” Arrested
Development is bringing their brandnew release, Among the Trees, tour to
Huntsville. 9:30 p.m.
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 10
#060304062304
SHAMETOWN’s roots are in Huntsville,
and their sound reflects their influences of
Americana and folk-style music. Hear
them for yourself as five local musicians
kick off the June 19 Ability Fest lineup.
2 p.m.
THE VALLEY PLANET
No Experience Required —
Just Enthusiasm!
by Cathie M. Mayne
I
f you like to hike, bike or ride and
enjoy well-maintained trails, think
about joining The Land Trust
“Trail Care Crew”!
And, while we all know that hiking with
family or zipping through the trails on a
mountain bike is great fun, most never
take time to experience what goes into
making and maintaining the beautiful
Land Trust trails.
No, I’m not trying to guilt anyone into
volunteering. Neither am I going to
whine about how helping create a trail or
donating a few hours for a workday once
a month isn’t much to ask when you use
the trails every week.
Nor am I going to point out that if you
use the trails — and complain about their
condition — but don’t help in planning
or maintenance, well, that’s not helpful
at all, is it? I’m above all that — simply
encouraging proactive trail advocacy, i.e.,
“sweat equity.”
Less than 2% of those who
use the trails ever help with
maintenance. The other 98%
don’t know what they’re
missing!
Here are a few reasons why you might
want to be part of the Trail Care Crew:
1. After a long, stressful week, what
could be more fun than traipsing about
the woods, hacking at branches? Take out
your aggressions in a socially accepted
manner.
2. Some trail workdays include lunch!
And, you also get the satisfaction of a
job well done, unless Mother Nature
takes particular notice and decides to
create a blowdown (trees that fall over
your nice, cleaned trail. Wahooo, is that
a chainsaw?).
3. Some ride the trails and some ride
them very fast. It is simply amazing how
beautiful a trail can be when you take the
time to walk a bit of it. That same trail
becomes precious as you take the time to
craft it into something that will challenge
and invigorate the hiker or the biker.
Ten More Reasons to be Part of The
Land Trust’s Trail Care Crew
#10 Because you need another bumper
sticker
#9 To finally be able to identify poison
ivy in a heartbeat
#8 To earn $100 an hour (in
satisfaction)
#7 To learn that a rock bar is not a
place to drink and listen to music
#6 Because being part of a
honeysuckle “jihad” sounds cool
#5 So you can mention a McCloud and
a Pulaski at your next dinner party
#4 Because you want to trade in 100
hours of sweat for a Land Trust coozie
#3 Because you love to play in the
mud
#2 So you can exercise in a MUCH
prettier setting than a gym
#1 Reason to volunteer to work on
Land Trust trails is because it feels
right
concepts of land stewardship and
resource conservation while giving back
to the trails system you enjoy? We have
the tools — we need people to use them.
The trails need YOU! Please volunteer
for a trail workday. No experience
necessary! Training will be provided the
day of the project.
Come every month or just for an
hour. Come see the trails from a new
perspective.
4. The Land Trust protects over 3,300
acres, including two major preserves,
Monte Sano and Wade Mountain, and
by the end of 2004 will maintain almost
25 miles of trails. Maintenance and
rehabilitation of existing multi-use trails
is an ongoing process (similar to repairing
potholes on public roads).
Volunteers may include anyone twelve
years and older in good physical condition
who is interested in a fun day outdoors,
who enjoys bird song and making new
friends, and cares enough about the trails
they love to help keep them in great
shape.
5. Trail crews draw a diverse group of
people who share two things in common:
a general love for the trails they work and
a great desire to consume cold beverages
after trail maintenance.
OK, when’s the next work day? Hey,
imagine that, it’s June 5, National Trails
Day! Go to our website for details,
www.landtrust-hsv.org. To reserve your
spot and help finish a brand-new trail on
Wade Mountain, call Sandy or Andy at
(256) 534-5263.
6. The Land Trust of Huntsville & North
Alabama — Alabama’s first land trust —
has been dedicated to saving greenspace
now and for future generations since
1987. Want to teach your children
THE VALLEY PLANET
Cathie M. Mayne, Marketing/Special Events
Coordinator for The Land Trust, is a transplanted
Chattanoogan who believes Huntsville is no longer
the best-kept secret in the South.
#060304062304
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 10
9
H
By Susan Stricklin
ow do you attract an audience to a musical theater production? In recent Independent
Musical Productions meetings, audience demographics and relevancy issues have
been discussed. Publicity is often another issue. Independent Musical Productions
would like to attract an audience with the quality of the production, as well.
Independent Musical Productions, or IMP, aspires to a professional standard of production,
even though we are community theater. Our motto is “we aren’t professionals; we just act that
way.” We have been labeled the best-kept secret in Huntsville. Since we do our productions
at Lee High School, we are often confused with being a school production (also outstanding,
by the way). IMP is an adult theater group with a strong and loving partnership with the Lee
High magnet program, providing technical assistance and some cast, which helps fulfill one
of our goals — enrichment and appreciation for musical theater for our area youth.
IMP shows are chosen with a commitment to diversity, demonstrated particularly with our
productions of “Big River,” “Civil War” and now “Ragtime.” All three of these require a
strong, multi-cultural cast to tell their stories. IMP also strives for substance of material,
though we have strayed occasionally to the totally fun, such as “Funny Thing Happened on
the Way to the Forum,” and to the whimsical, with “Into the Woods.” Even these productions
have had good, thought-provoking messages. Other productions show a strong tendency
toward historically based projects such as “1776,” “Civil War” and this year’s production
of “Ragtime.” All of these take fact and mix with music to deliver their message. One
patron remembers a story her daughter loves to tell of an American History class where
she impressed the teacher with her knowledge surrounding the writing and signing of the
Declaration of Independence — all learned, incidentally, from repeatedly watching IMP’s
production of “1776.”
“Ragtime,” based on the distinguished E. L. Doctorow novel, mixes stories of real-life
characters with fictional characters that represent average people living in the time period
that included Ragtime music. We delve into the stories of Coalhouse Walker Jr., a jazz pianist
from Harlem, and a prominent family of New Rochelle who found their lives unexpectedly
intertwined with Coalhouse, resulting in some startling consequences. We also get a feel for
the flood of immigrants from all over the world and watch as people in the early 1900s learn
to cope with change and progress.
IMP is thrilled to present the Tennessee Valley debut of the Tony Award-winning “Ragtime,”
which opened for its Broadway run January 18, 1998. An incredible cast of 70 will deliver
exceptional performances and make this an event to remember. Our cast and production
team is comprised of no less than 18 individuals with Wings award credits from various
community groups. The Wings Awards are Huntsville’s equivalent to the Tony Awards for
Broadway. IMP has won a total of 35 Wings awards since 1996. This cast includes last year’s
IMP winners for performance (Jennifer Simmons, Jeff Stricklin and Patrick Johnson) and for
technical support (Chris Banks: sound, Steve Conklin: lights, Barry Petty: music director, and
Vivienne Atkins: artistic direction, play with music).
All this talent, an excellent show and free parking, what more could you want?
Independent Musical Productions presents Ragtime.
June 11-12 and 17-19 at 7:30 pm. June 13 and 19 at 2:30 pm at Lee Auditorium, 606
Forrest Circle, Huntsville, Alabama. Tickets are $18 for adults, $15 for students and
seniors and group discount packages are available. Call (256) 859-2563 for tickets and
information.
Susan Stricklin is a patron and volunteer for Independent Musical Productions.
10
by Jeremy L. Anderson
At the Movies
I
’m not sure when it happened, but
at some point we rounded a corner
as a society where manners became
meaningless. Common decency gave
way to selfish and obnoxious behavior in
public places, regardless of the feelings of
others. Normally, I’m all for this sort of
evil because it is usually incredibly fun to
watch. You haven’t really laughed until
you’ve seen an elderly couple storm out
of a restaurant because the biker guy at
the adjoining table uses curse words like
they were conjunctions. The one place,
however, that I can’t abide such behavior
is at the movie theater.
I’m a movie geek. I know that doesn’t
sound like much of an admission, but if
you knew how serious I was about movies,
you’d understand that I’d be better off
smoking crack and whoring myself out
to dirty old men. Being a severe movie
junkie, I believe there should be certain
rules to ensure that everyone enjoys
the feature. For instance, if your cell
phone goes off during the movie, you’re
out. No warning, no second chances.
Everyone else saw the hyperactive
cartoon characters asking you to turn the
damn thing off, so you forfeit the right
to watch the rest of the movie because
you’re an idiot. In fact, you should have
a stale Twizzler jammed into your ear so
that you can never use a cell phone again.
Also, anyone talking during the movie
faces mandatory castration — we don’t
want your impolite kind breeding.
Why am I so hostile about this sort of
thing? Because I can’t go to a movie
without someone ruining it for me.
During “Matrix Reloaded,” I was treated
to a soft tapping sound. That soon became
a loud banging, at which point I noticed
a guy on a ladder hammering something
to the wall of the theater. When everyone
screamed at him, he said, “I’m almost
finished,” hammered for another minute,
then loudly packed up his ladder and left.
During “X-Men 2,” I got in trouble for
snatching a laser pointer out of the hand
of this little 10-year-old redneck with a
starter mullet who thought it was cute to
make Wolverine look Hindu. I’m almost
afraid to tell you about the trench-coatwearing pervert who kept sitting next to
me during “Confessions of a Dangerous
Mind,” but UGH ... I felt dirty. And he
didn’t even buy me dinner.
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 10
#060304062304
Then, we have my biggest cinema pet
peeve: clapping during the movie. The
entire point of applause is to express your
appreciation to the people responsible
for what you’re seeing. This makes
sense during a play or a concert, where
those people are there to hear the audible
expression of your appreciation. At a
movie, who in the hell are you clapping
to? The only people who are there to hear
it are the other people who just saw the
same thing you did. And do they really
care what you thought of the movie? OK,
I’ll grant you that applause at the end
of a movie is not a heinous crime. But
what we’re talking about here is random
smatterings of applause DURING a
movie, obscuring the sound of the next
minute of film for those of us who aren’t
sitting around slapping our hands like
retarded epileptics.
All of these are reasons why I assembled
my own home theater. I got six speakers to
hang on the walls that were heavy enough
to require power tools and Southern
ingenuity. My subwoofer is three-anda-half feet tall and vibrates the house so
much that my neighbor’s wife can reach
orgasm by just sitting in her kitchen. I
installed a 92-inch screen and a projector
bright enough to blind the drivers of
passing cars ... in Mississippi. I even
have a remote control that can change
to the DVD player, switch to surround
sound, dim the lights and start the movie
all with a single, geeky press of a button.
After installing and adjusting all of this
gear, I invited some friends over to watch
movies. The end result? One mysterious
red dot on Kevin Costner’s forehead, two
cell phone rings, three people talking and
four people clapping like the benched
team at the Special Olympics. And they
wonder why the voices are telling me to
kill.
My name is Jeremy, and I am a movie
geek. I have over 500 movies on DVD
and have spent more on audio and video
equipment than I have on a car. And
all because Mr. Chattypants wants to
teleconference during “Terminator 3.”
Thanks for the habit, jackass!
Jeremy L. Anderson is really just going to watch
porn on it. Email him at
[email protected].
THE VALLEY PLANET
The Deep End
Thank you all for participating in THE DEEP END!
The response has been great. Please send your poetry to
[email protected] Keep them coming! Thanks!
Yeah, and I’m the Holy Ghost…
By Marilyn Coffey - The Artists’ Nest
It begins with flight,
and I am so swift
and good, and graceful at it.
Not like Santa with his
clanking, awkward entourage
cluttering the night
with material goods.
I carry the immaterial,
the priceless.
It’s not just the rescues I perform:
beak plucking the lost at sea
from the teeth of sharks
about to close
on their hopes;
or cooling instantly
(because they’re awed by the great bird)
hot, uncaring wills about to inundate
the helpless, delicate feelings
of loved ones
like lava coursing through Pompeii.
It’s the small, unseen actions:
a quick claw-prick of conscience
to release the tears
on which a stranded couple might
wish their boat afloat;
a passing swipe
at the blinded, raging parent,
powerful wing clearing
the path of patriarchal vision
so it can see the distant shore of mercy.
Devotion #1
By Joy Johnson - The Artists’ Nest
Though some have named
it crazy obsession,
scoffed and cleared
their smart throats,
what better hint
at highest perfection
of the love from within and without?
I say you’ll not know
how true is true
or how wonderfully pure is pure
until the gods
swap places with you
and you feel a love that is sure.
Here on Earth it’s likely you might
Discover that you were mistaken
(Surety no guarantee
that you’re right);
Nonetheless,
the true love you have taken
You’ve borrowed
from that great sweet light.
Knowing it,
faith can never be shaken.
Sure, as a woman,
I’m supposed to take it all in,
to heal by immersion.
But I’d rather act,
intrude catalystically
with mad, magical soaring
agressively dropping feathers
and sacred flame
on a world of pain.
THE VALLEY PLANET
#060304062304
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 10
11
Rum, Rumba and Religion
(Part 5 in a Series on Cuban Music and Culture)
by Lucia Cape
The UAH Jazz Ensemble Gears Up
for Its Cuban Debut
I
t was Tuesday in Havana, and after
a late night/early morning of rumba
and timba, I was dragging through
the Cuban music museum. As part of our
structured tour, the museum was certainly
pertinent, but it had a certain socialist
sparseness that failed to engage me fully.
The Museum of the Revolution was next,
but we skipped that in favor of a sit-down
lunch and a little practice time before our
next rehearsal.
Rehearsal went well enough. Robertico
and Julito were recording elsewhere,
so Roberto and Adel were on their own
with us. We started working on one of
our traditional Cuban songs, “Echale
Salsita.” It was a vocal number sung in
Spanish by Donna, Kristy and Ali, three
of the six women in the band. Standing in
front of the stage, the three of them started
working up some dance steps. From
behind the bar, two of the club’s female
workers were singing along and offering
advice on the dancing. The language
barrier and the challenge of explaining
something as nuanced as hip movements
became too much, so one of the workers
joined the ladies in front of the stage. She
led them through a series of undulations
and hand movements that complemented
the words and music, smiles all around.
Song and dance were bridging many
barriers that afternoon.
Song and dance were to bridge many
more barriers that evening, as our group
was invited into the home of a Santeria
priestess for a religious ceremony. Olivia
is an employee of The Havana Company,
which had arranged our tour. She’s an
American who married a Cuban and
became a leader in the local Afro-Catholic
faith. She was hosting the induction rites
of another priestess and graciously
allowed us to participate. Music is a huge
part of Santeria, specifically the drumand-chant music of rumba, which Mark
and I had so thoroughly enjoyed the night
before.
One room in Olivia’s house had been
transformed into an altar decorated with
colorful fabric and flowers, including
the girasol, or sunflower, that had been
part of the Clave y Guaguancho show.
Offerings of cakes, cookies and other
sweets were mixed with baskets of
coconuts and pineapples, and a swath of
bananas, still green and attached to a tree
trunk, sat front and center. In the front
room, two conga players sat against a
wall, leaving most of the floor space for
dancers, while a singer chanted, nonstop
and without a mike, for most of the
evening. One of the drummers was Daniel
Rodriguez, leader of Grupo Ibeyis. He
had been the percussion instructor for our
fearless leader Don Bowyer a year earlier.
Like so many Cubans, he is exotically
beautiful, a cross between Ice T and one
of the Neville Brothers — a little street,
a little suave, very poised, yet warm and
friendly. Daniel joined us the next day
for rehearsal, when we learned just how
talented he is.
12
Me (Lucia) with Terri and Jim Cavender in the Hotel Riviera. Photo by Mark Torstenson.
Most of the religious symbolism and all
of the language were lost on me, but the
dancing, drumming and chanting were
mesmerizing. I was standing in a chair
on Olivia’s front porch, peering into the
packed room through a window. Mark
was standing next to me, trying to get
pictures of the frenzied movement in very
low light. I had been told that Santeria
and rumba have some explicitly sexual
elements, so I wasn’t surprised by the
more suggestive dance moves. I was
surprised, though, when in the midst
of dancing, a tall, gorgeous man with
mocha skin and white-blonde hair looked
directly at me and winked one of his pale
green eyes. I must have reacted visibly
because he broke into a big smile as he
continued his circular path around the
soon-to-be priestess.
The music continued late into the night,
and rum was served as long as there were
people to drink it. We left before the
ceremony was over, as most of us were
exhausted from three consecutive late
nights of music and etcetera. We took the
opportunity to go to bed, as Wednesday
was to be our last potentially free morning
in Havana. A tour of the Partagas cigar
factory was scheduled, but we were told
that it was optional. Mark and I opted
instead for a trip to the cemetery and a
coco taxi tour of Havana that included
the swank Hotel Riviera, one of the
infamous 1950s gambling establishments
of “wealthy Italian Americans,” to use
our tour guide’s description. Actually,
this hotel was owned by Meyer Lansky,
a notorious gangster who happened to be
a Jewish American, but a player in the
mob, nonetheless. The place was pictureperfect. We knew we’d have to come
back, Jim and Terri Cavender in tow,
to fully experience this relic of vintage
Americana along the Cuban Malecon.
Our final rehearsal was short but intense.
Robertico and Julito were back from their
recording session, and Daniel came by to
assist with some of the percussion. I had
already been wowed by Adel’s ability to
play the congas while continually feeding
cow bell, clave and guiro parts to me and
other band members. Daniel did him one
better. I didn’t see it myself, but I was told
that, while playing the congas with one
hand, Daniel simultaneously talked our
drummer through a new pattern while
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writing out a clave part on a piece of
paper. Playing, talking and writing three
different rhythms, all at the same time, in
the middle of a song — you don’t learn
that in school!
It came time to make our set list, and
some of the traditional tunes got the
boot. “Echale Salsita,” which the girls
had worked so hard to choreograph,
was given a thumbs-down by Robertico.
I got the feeling it was as familiar,
yet obsolete, to Cubans as “She’ll Be
Coming ‘Round the Mountain” is to us
Southerners. “No one is going to request
it,” he deadpanned. Trusting his judgment
of the jazz-club crowd we would be
facing, we let it go. The final list included
a couple of Don’s originals, one by our
New York friend Rick Davies, Terri and
Jim’s reworked and funkified “El Hotel
Morillo” and Robertico’s own “Mambo
Jam.” Because “Mambo Jam” was indeed
a jam, with very little actually written out,
Adel was pretty tied up with his own parts
during rehearsal. Being a non-musician
and terribly uncomfortable with the jam
format, I opted out of the mix during
practices and never learned a part for our
finale. That would come back to bite me
in the end.
As we left the club that afternoon, we saw
that our name was on the marquee. The
programs showed a map of the United
States with a big red “X” over Huntsville.
Otherwise, not many in the audience
would know where Alabama was. The
map put us in context to New York and
Miami. We had at least seven hours
before our 11:30 p.m. show, so Mark and
I took the Cavenders to the Hotel Riviera
for a quick tour. We bought what we could
afford of our legal limit on cigars at the
hotel’s store, one of the recommended
outlets, according to the guide books,
and then headed back to our hotel. We
had plenty of time for dinner, a shower
and even an impromptu jam session in
the hotel bar before our first concert in
Havana. Check back in two weeks to read
about our Cuban debut, our last day’s
adventures, our farewell performance and
the fans we made along the way.
Lucia Cape was thrilled to play guiro on stage
with Mambo Gris Gris at Humphrey’s Cinco de
Mayo celebration. She was even more thrilled to be
standing several feet from a microphone.
THE VALLEY PLANET
Eleemosynary
by Jim Zielinski
“No one holds an eccentric
responsible.” – Dorothea
“The Foreigner” and “Sylvia”; and RT’s
“The Effect of Gamma Rays on Man in
the Moon Marigolds.” She teaches French
— not spelling! — at Randolph School
and has a daughter, Emma Rose, who
cannot fly. Or even spell.
W
hat kind of mother would
expect
her
15-year-old
daughter to jump off a tower
— strapped with wings — in order to
prove [wo]mankind can fly? What kind
of daughter, after being cowed by such
a materfamilias, would so quail at the
parent-child bond that she would forsake
her toddler and abscond to Europe to
teach? What kind of child, growing up
as the focal point of the clash between
these willful women, would prove at once
fiercer and more forgiving than either?
The Wesbrooks, as indicated by Lee
Blessing in his haunting off-Broadway
play “Eleemosynary,” are determined to
be exceptional!
“An engrossing 95-minute
entry — alternately funny
and poignant.” – Variety
As the sensitive young Echo, Griffin is the
stimulus behind bringing her estranged
Wesbrook “family” together and was
herself the impetus behind having the
play performed:
“A play and a production of
a caliber rarely seen … the
language is elegant, witty
and carefully wrought.”
– Philadelphia City Paper
Well, that’s one word for it.
“It is a wonderful job of
playwriting.” – Minneapolis
Star and Tribune
Winner of the 1997 Los Angeles Drama
Critics Circle awards for, among other
citations, “Best Production” and “Best
Writing,” this sensitive and funny play
— part linguistic exercise, part dramatic
saga, part comic narrative — expresses
the struggle for understanding among
three distaff generations, mingling
philosophy-of-life themes with humor
and wit. Blessing is a storyteller of
no small means; his vast output over
the years also garnered the American
Theater Critics Award, several DramaLogue awards, the Great American Play
Award, and nominations for the Olivier,
Tony and Pulitzer! “Eleemosynary”
fits
well
within
his
pantheon.
“A funny, perceptive and
eloquently written play.”
– St. Paul Pioneer Press and
Dispatch
The all-female cast delves into the lives
of three remarkable entities. The oldest,
Dorothea (Karen Logan), is a dreamer
— unconventional, strong-willed and
independent … as a sort of backlash
against the proscribed “female role”
of the mid-20th century. Her daughter,
Artemis, or “Artie” (Enzie Davis), is
a brilliant and rational biochemist and
has separated herself from her mother
while seeking a life of her own. Artie’s
daughter, Echo (Emily Griffin), heir
to both grandmother’s sensitivity
and mother’s intellect, has basically
been abandoned by her desperately
ambitious mother, compelling Dorothea
to raise her. Precociousness is in sight!
“Never have a daughter.
Never have a child for that
matter, but NEVER have
a daughter. She won’t like
you.” – Artie
THE VALLEY PLANET
However, when Dorothea suffers a stroke,
Echo and Artie reestablish contact, their
lengthy phone conversations an attempt
to restore their fragile relationship. And
when death comes to the family, the
survivors must come to terms with their
mutual need for one another, summoning
the courage to try to establish a true
family life. In order to do so, they must
learn to be “eleemosynary” via this
most beautiful and redemptive piece of
literature. The somewhat enigmatic title is
a word introduced into our lexicon in the
early 1600s, when people actually spoke
that way. It refers to “charitable,” derived,
as it were, from “eleemosynarius,”
“compassion or mercy.” And a nice little
spelling bee staple it is, to be sure …
perhaps the lynchpin in Echo’s attempts
to escape her conflicted world and secure
a moment of personal distinction by
becoming the world’s best speller.
Portraying the outspoken and rather quirky
granny, Logan is perhaps best known for
her work with Theatre Huntsville, for
which she has been a multiple WINGS
Award finalist (“To Kill a Mockingbird,”
“An Inspector Calls,” “The Philadelphia
Story” and “Pride and Prejudice”). Yet,
she has been involved in area theater
since 1991 and was also RT’s finalist
for “Grace and Glorie,” in which she
played a dying, elderly Hospice patient.
She has written and directed church
performances and dramatizes biblical
women for workshops and retreats as far
away as Kentucky and Connecticut. She
has just finished a semester as an acting
teacher for Fantasy Playhouse Academy
and was recently seen as “Mrs. Fezziwig”
for FP’s “Christmas Carol” — let’s talk
foreshadowing, as she next takes on the
director’s mantle for this winter’s 15th
annual production of that very play!
“There’s something about the
Wesbrook women. We have
this expectation of ourselves.
To be extraordinary.” – Echo
Davis returns to the RT stage to play the
brilliant, but emotionally repressed, Artie.
She recently took the Best Supporting
Actress WINGS Award for her turn as
the sweet, mentally disabled Sheila in
TH’s hit, “The Boys Next Door” (she
also appeared in HLT’s 1991 production
of “Boys,” playing Clara, Mrs. Warren
and Mrs. Fremus — Logan’s role in the
recent production). Her last go-round
for RT, she received the Best Supporting
Actress Award at the Southeastern
Theatre Conference competition for her
heartfelt portrayal of wanton Bonnie
Bridge in “Holy Ghosts.” Other credits
include TRC’S “Prelude to a Kiss,”
“Lloyd’s Prayer,” “The Nerd” (winning
Best Supporting Actress for all three)
and “Six Degrees of Separation”; LDP’s
“Daddy’s Dyin’, Who’s Got the Will?”
and “Dracula” (Best Supporting Actress
for both); HLT’s “The Sum of Us” and
“Zara Spook and Other Lures”; TRTC’s
Structured as a series of episodes and
flashbacks, the show illuminates the
lives of this (dare I use the phrase?)
dysfunctional family as they explain,
dissect and “find themselves” in their
struggle to balance their independence
with their intra-responsibilities. Each
pushes the other to the limits of their
emotional endurance while, at the same
time, seeking their admiration. Such an
endeavor in real life calls for a cup or
two of bipolarity; on the stage, it requires
the utmost of its actresses — and in that
regard, Renaissance Theatre’s deck is
stacked.
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VOLUME 2, ISSUE 10
“I decided to do this show mainly because
— although I love doing children’s theater
— I was really wanting to do something
serious that would challenge me as an
actress … a show that had a meaty part that
I could totally get myself into … and that
I could use as a chance to apply the acting
techniques that I have learned through
training by myself and in Washington and
New York … not that playing a caterpillar
or a Chinese princess isn’t fun … it’s just
harder to get into those characters and
really learn something from it.”
For TH, Griffin was last seen to great
advantage in the title role of “The Diary
of Anne Frank.” She has appeared in
probably close to 40 shows in Huntsville.
A singer, as well as an actress, she
appeared on the Kennedy Center’s
Honors 2001. In addition to Anne, her
favorite roles include Alice (“Alice in
Wonderland”; FP), Hayyah in “Ghetto”
(Signature Theater; DC), and Scarlet in
“Coyote Ugly,” presented by invitation at
DC’s Actor’s Center Showcase. She also
created the role of Young Victoria in RT’s
“Timepiece” at Burritt Museum, a role
she enjoyed performing for two years.
Another chief motivation for the
production was an onstage reunion of
sorts: Logan portrayed Griffin’s mother
in “Anne Frank,” and Davis portrayed her
mother in “Gamma Rays.” … Obviously,
these actresses love working together,
and one can’t concoct a better chemistry!
Their director, P.J. Sligting, has his
work cut out for him on such a complex
story, but is blessed to have this cadre of
thespians at his disposal. Expect great
things from the four of them!
“Eleemosynary” will run June 18–27,
with evening performances at 8 p.m. and a
Sunday matinée at 2:30 p.m. Renaissance
Theatre is located on Meridian Street, a
block south of Oakwood Avenue, within
the old Lincoln Cotton Mill District.
Tickets are general admission and are
waiting for you at (256) 536-3117!
Jim Zielinski has been onstage, on and off, since
kindergarten, but started in local community theater
ALMOST a quarter-century ago. He is directing
this July’s “Jesus Christ Superstar” for HCCA
and NEXT July’s “The Foreigner” for Theatre
Huntsville.
13
The Great High
After intermission, Alison Krauss, Dan
Tyminski, Ron Block and Barry Bales
gave an a cappella performance of “Let’s
Go Down to the River to Pray,” also from
“O, Brother.”
by Tammy Westmoreland
Next, Alison, Suzanne Cox and Cheryl
White, accompanied by Ron Block on
guitar and Sierra on mandolin, delivered
beautiful three-part harmony on “Blessed
Jesus Hold My Hand.” I was struck by
the similarities of Alison’s and Suzanne’s
voices.
Barry Bales, Jerry Douglas, Dan Tyminski and Alison Krauss. Photo by Cherié Lamb
R
ecently, Cherie Lamb and I went to
the Von Braun Center to see “The
Great High Mountain Tour,” which
starred Alison Krauss and Union Station,
featuring Jerry Douglas and many more
top-notch performers, including Ralph
Stanley. I am a new fan of some and have
rediscovered others.
The night started with 70 plus voices on
the stage, singing Sacred Harp songs from
the movie “Cold Mountain.” Sacred Harp
music has deep roots in the South and
in North Alabama. Performers included
Alabamians from Huntsville and Sand
Mountain. The music is performed a
cappella, with only four notes. It is eerily
archaic, yet mournfully beautiful.
Ollabelle took the stage next. Before the
night was over, Cherie and I were fans
of the two women, four men and their
eclectic mix of instruments — not at all a
traditional bluegrass band. Ollabelle was
followed by bluegrass legends Norman
and Nancy Blake and a great rendition
of “Big Rock Candy Mountain” from “O,
Brother, Where Art Thou.”
Some serious bluegrass harmony from
the Cox Family was my next thrill. I
was in awe. I had heard the Cox Family
years and years ago, back in my bluegrass
performing days, but I’d forgotten how
sweet their vocals are. I was absolutely
moved when siblings Sidney, Suzanne
and Evelyn sang “Will There Be Any
Stars in My Crown?”
Next up were Reeltime Travelers, whose
harmonies were not as close as the Cox
Family’s, but the audience, including
me, enthusiastically enjoyed their style.
Roy Andrade’s old-time banjo playing
reminded me of my granddaddy’s picking,
and Heidi Andrade (fiddle, vocals) got a
terrific response from the audience when
she buck danced during an instrumental
segment (Or maybe she clogged?
Someone tell me the difference.) Both
Heidi and Martha Scanlan (guitar, vocals)
used fashion to enhance the old-time feel,
looking like they stepped off the set of
“The Waltons.”
Cody and Sierra Hull were next. At about
age 14 and 12, respectively, this brother
14
and sister team blew me away. Sierra’s
mandolin skills equaled about any that I
heard all night. Perhaps she doesn’t have
the repertoire that older, more seasoned
players have, but what she plays, she plays
magnificently. Her style was progressive,
and even on familiar tunes, there were
unexpected licks that made the song hers.
On the guitar, Cody is an accomplished
flat-picker, but for me, Sierra stole the
show. We talked with them for a moment
during the intermission, and her charm
and flair were evident in her personality,
as well. These two will be stars — no
doubt about that. Perhaps this is how folks
felt when they met a young Ricky Skaggs
performing with the Stanley Brothers or a
teenaged Marty Stuart playing mandolin
with Flatt and Scruggs.
Sierra Hull introduced Alison Krauss and
Union Station with an impromptu vocal
rendition of a song Alison wrote as a
small child. I guess that all those stories
and songs the performers share on their
tour-bus jams can find their way onto the
stage. It was charming.
Alison Krauss and Union Station,
featuring Jerry Douglas, took the stage and
performed two songs before intermission.
Unfortunately, Cherie and I were moving
from the front of the arena, where she’d
been taking pictures, to our seats and only
partially heard them perform “A Man of
Constant Sorrows,” which is arguably the
most widely recognized song played that
night, other than “Amazing Grace.”
During intermission, we caught up with
the Cox Family, and I asked the group to
describe performing on the tour.
“Everybody here is like a relative ….
[the tour] is like a reunion,” Sidney told
us. His sisters shared that the performers
have a “bus party” after every show,
taking turns on different buses (their
homes away from home). I can imagine
a big, family-style get-together with lots
of food, fun and jamming going on. I was
left wondering if the set list for the show
was in flux, with new songs and new
combinations of singers and musicians
being added, arrangements worked out
during these parties.
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 10
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Singers and musicians took the stage
in various mixed groups for the rest of
the evening. And then, Allison Krauss
introduced Ralph Stanley. To my shame,
I can’t remember when I last took the
opportunity to hear him perform. I
think in my bigheaded, self-important
younger days, I thought he wasn’t cool.
Big mistake. At 77, Stanley still carries
the flame for music most call bluegrass,
but which is also roots, old country
and Americana. Stanley’s aging rasp is
soulful. If you’re a fan of “O, Brother,
Where Art Thou,” the movie or the
soundtrack, you’ve heard Stanley on
“O, Death” which he sang for us at the
VBC. His performance of “Liza Jane,”
along with buck dancing by members of
Ollabelle, Reeltime Travelers and Buck
Ralph Stanley, center stage. Photo by Cherié Lamb
White, received a standing ovation, to
which he responded, “With applause
like that, and standing up, you couldn’t
run us off the stage.” For an encore, all
the singers and musicians joined Stanley
onstage for a beautiful rendition of the
Stanley Brothers’ “Angel Band,” also
on the “O, Brother” soundtrack, and for
“Amazing Grace,” accompanied by the
audience, still on our feet.
Other performers on the stage for the
Great High Mountain Tour were Nashville
Bluegrass Band, The Whites, and from
the “Cold Mountain” soundtrack, Dirk
Powell, Riley Baugus and Tim Eriksen.
As promised by the name of the tour,
there were many great musical moments,
and I don’t mean to slight any of these
hugely talented musicians and singers.
But my deadline has come and gone,
and Milton’s pacing the floor, waiting
on me to finish. So, I’ll just tell you that,
although you’ll have to travel to catch the
tour before it ends, it is an event worth
seeing. Learn more about the tour, the
music and the artists at www.thegreathigh
mountaintour.com.
Tammy Westmoreland, Valley Planet editor, misses
her singing/guitar pickin’days! Wanna jam?
Email her at [email protected].
THE VALLEY PLANET
Calendar of Events
June 3-26, 2004
Hey Guys,
Keep those
CALENDAR
dates rolling
in. If we don’t
get your calendar,
we can’t put it in
the Planet.
MUSIC
THURSDAY, JUNE 3
ACOUSTIC SONGWRITERS SHOWCASE, Lake Ida
Jim Parker hosts Songwriters in the Round
featuring Amy Silver, Don Henry and Waylon
Patton. www.JimParkerMusic.com
AMERICAN LEGION #237 HDK Karaoke
BENCHWARMER College Night - DJ
FLYING MONKEY ARTS CENTER The Mattoid,
Chris Fitts & Those Counterclockwise - The
Mattoid: genuinely unique, melding folk, world
and good old rock’n’roll music. Chris Fitts:
experimental pop music. Those Counterclockwise:
a rocking good time. $5, 8:30 pm
FURNITURE FACTORY Live Music - TBA
GOAL POST Karaoke with Nancy J.
HALFTIME BAR & GRILL Karaoke with Anita Lynn
Palmer, 8 pm
HUMPHREY’S Radio Theory - Just a good, solid
staple rock/jam band touring around the U.S.!!
KAFFEEKLATSCH BAR Dog and Pony Show
ROCKABILLY’S Open Mic
SAMMY T’s Ladies Night! PUSH - A great band
with great fun. The best of the ‘70s through today.
TAVERN UNDER THE SQUARE Dave Anderson
THE CORNER Tom Cremeens – Electric Rock and
Alternative
THE CROSSROADS The Snake Doctors
THIRD BASE GRILL Edgar
VBC ARENA Kid Rock in Concert! Special guest
Puddle of Mudd. 7:30 p.m.
FRIDAY, JUNE 4
801 FRANKLIN Dave McConnell “The Sinatra Guy”
is joining us for his take on “old blue eyes.” 8-11pm
BENCHWARMER Haven
BLUE PARROT, Guntersville Crosscut - Terrific
Blues Band!
BUFFALO’S PUSH - A great band with great fun.
The best of the ‘70s through today.
DECADENCE R&B, Jazz & Blues
EMBER CLUB Johnny Atkins with Chaos Band
- Classic rock, blues & some country. All Jammers
welcome and WILL sit in! Just ask Thad! 8:30
FINNEGAN’S PUB Nancy Maria-Luce at the piano
FLYING MONKEY ARTS CENTER Jonathan
Richman featuring Tommy Larkins, with Jesse
DeNatale. Open, sincere, hilarious and touching.
Jonathan Richman (seen in “There’s Something
About Mary”) puts on one of the best shows
around. $10, 8:30 pm
FURNITURE FACTORY The Scratch Band - ‘60s,
‘70s & ‘80s Dance Music
GOAL POST Bob Mills & Sherry Hillis and Backfield
in Motion, 8:30 pm
GREEN DOOR BOOKS, Athens Barry Kay Acoustic guitar and vocals, a wide variety of music
in the James Taylor/Jim Croce mold. 6-8 pm
HUMPHREY’S Toy Shop - These fellas are tearing
it up across the Southeast and the Midwest! Don’t
be surprised if they start cutting a path up the
East Coast soon!! Be careful not to ‘MASH Curtis’
bar’ feet!!!
JAVA JAAY CAFÉ, Decatur Open Mic Night! Guest
MC. Acoustic Music, Poetry, Readings, Skits &
Comedy. NO COVER. 7:30-10:30 pm
KAFFEEKLATSCH BAR Live Music - TBA
MOODY MONDAYS HDK Karaoke
ROCKABILLY’S James Irvin
SAMMY T’s Dierks Bentley - Catch a Country
Music rising star! Dierks and director Peter
Zavadil won CMT’s Best New Breakthrough Video
Flameworthy Award for “What Was I Thinkin’?”!!
TAVERN UNDER THE SQUARE Absylom Rising
THE CORNER Dave Anderson – Voted Best
Musician by Valley Planet readers, plays Electric &
Acoustic, Rock, Alternative & Originals
THE CROSSROADS Drive-By-Truckers member,
Jason Isbell and special guests
THE DOCKS, Scottsboro Will Dooley
UPSCALE The Dazzling Diva’s Cabaret and Pride
Party, featuring Miss Nichole Ellington Dupree
(Miss Alabama Continental 2004) and Friends
SATURDAY, JUNE 5
801 FRANKLIN Marsha Morgan - With roots in
gospel and country, and influences from artists
like Bonnie Raitt, Stevie Nicks and Carol King, her
music has a blues, folk-rock flavor. 8-11 pm
BENCHWARMER Envain
BLUE PARROT, Guntersville Delicious Blues Stu
FURNITURE FACTORY Mambo Gris Gris
in Motion, 8:30 pm
HUMPHREY’S Roger “Hurricane” Wilson - Here
comes the HURRICANE!!! Roger is stopping here
for a little storm-building as he heads out on his
annual deep-West tour!! Blues has never been this
window rattling before!!
SAMMY T’s The Velcro Pygmies
Live Music
Nights A Week
Continued on Page 16
H U N T S V I L L E
THE VALLEY PLANET
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VOLUME 2, ISSUE 10
15
MUSIC
Continued From Page 15
TAVERN UNDER THE SQUARE Big Baller Reese
THE CORNER Lisa Busler - Acoustic, Folk, Rock and
Originals - awesome guitarist and vocalist! Come
in after the VIPERS game for a burger! Show your
ticket stub and get $2 off your food order.
THE CROSSROADS Bloodkin
THE DOCKS, Scottsboro Dave Anderson
THE STATION Short Bus - the best of Funk, Dance
and Classic R&B to keep your booty shakin’! Come
and Take A Ride on The Bus!
UPSCALE Dinner & Dancing with DJ Derek & DJ
Michele
VERIZON WIRELESS MUSIC CENTER, Pelham
Jessica Simpson w/special guest Ryan Cabrera
WILD FLOUR BISTRO Greg Chambers, Keith
Taylor, Dave McConnell, Jim Cavender or Michael
Thomas - Jazz & Blues. 6:30-10pm. Call to see
who’s on tonight!
SUNDAY, JUNE 6
GOAL POST Karaoke with Karol
HUMPHREY’S Chris West Jazz Quartet - Some of
the best jazz players in Nashville join Chris on his
Sunday night (8 pm - 12) romp at Humphrey’s. Get
down here and get yourself “JAZZED”!!!
KAFFEEKLATSCH BAR Blues Jam
TAVERN UNDER THE SQUARE Ant & Andrew
Acoustic
THE CORNER Sunday Evening Jam Session Scott Morgan hosts, all musicians welcome! 9 pm
THE CROSSROADS Movie Night with FREE Music
Aerosmith - special guest Cheaptrick
MONDAY, JUNE 7
BENCHWARMER Karaoke
BIG SPRING PARK “Concerts in the Park”: Reunion
This rock-n-roll oldies group will have the
audience dancing to the hits from the ‘50s, ‘60s
and ‘70s. 6:30-8 p.m. FREE
HUMPHREY’S Microwave Dave - Check out Dave’s
solo Atomic-Electric Blues/Stomp/Reggae/JamBand/You-Name-It Musical Journey Extravaganza!
KAFFEEKLATSCH BAR Acoustic Showcase
PEANUT FACTORY HDK Karaoke
TAVERN UNDER THE SQUARE Lacey Atchison
16
THE CORNER Dave Anderson – Looking for
something to do on Monday nights? Come to
The Corner and listen to the musician voted Best
of the Valley. Don’t forget to say hi to Tess, who
was voted Best Bartender! Electric, Acoustic, Rock,
Alternative & Originals
THE CROSSROADS Open Mic
TUESDAY, JUNE 8
BENCHWARMER King Karaoke
BLUE PARROT, Guntersville Bike Night - Live
Music TBA
COPPER TOP HDK Karaoke
HUMPHREY’S Eric Rhodes Band - After Dave’s
jamming performance last night, you had better
pick yourself up by your bootstraps and get back
in the race!!! ERB is showing no signs of mellowing
down easy, either. So place your seatbelt firmly
across your torso and let you feet do the flyin’!!
TAVERN UNDER THE SQUARE Glenn & Libba
THE CORNER Scott Morgan - Acoustic Classic
Rock & Alternative
THE CROSSROADS Toy Shop
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 9
BENCHWARMER Funk Junkies
FURNITURE FACTORY Chad Bradford
GOAL POST Karaoke with Anita Lynn Palmer, 8pm
HUMPHREY’S Li’l Brian & The Zydeco Travelers
- Owwweeee!!! Get yo’ Zydeco dancin’ butt down
to Humphrey’s Patioooo!!! Tonight we got de mos’
tightest, raucous, bustin’ up ass Zydeco Band in
the land!! So get it down here, Now!!! Owwweeee!!
KAFFEEKLATSCH BAR Rockabilly with Craig
Thomas
MR. C’s TAVERN Johnny Atkins’ Jam Session &
Open Mic. All singers & musicians please attend.
This is your chance to be seen!!
TAVERN UNDER THE SQUARE Tom Cremeens
THE CORNER Marjorie Loveday - Keyboard &
Acoustic Rock and Folk.
THE CROSSROADS Dave Anderson
THIRD BASE GRILL 5ive O’Clock Charlie
THURSDAY, JUNE 10
featuring Jay Johnson, Dave Potts and Christopher
Mitchell. www.JimParkerMusic.com
FURNITURE FACTORY Dan Hardin
Palmer, 8 pm
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 10
#060304062304
HUMPHREY’S Li’l Brian & The Zydeco TravelersPlease refer to the risque’ descriptive for June 9.
It should get things cleared up for you as to what
type of musical group you may be experiencing
on Humphrey’s patio this evening.
SAMMY T’s Ladies Night! Live Music
Alternative. Bring in your STAR’s ticket stub for $2
off your food order!
THE DOCKS, Scottsboro Max & Dundee - Muddy
Waters-style Blues. Every other Thursday is Blues
Night at the Docks.
FRIDAY, JUNE 11
BENCHWARMER Asunder
BLUE PARROT, Guntersville Live Music - TBA
FLYING MONKEY ARTS CENTER “Poetry Slam”
featuring music by Simone. Original accoustic
selections and sets of poetry readings. 7:30 pm
FURNITURE FACTORY Live Music - TBA
in Motion, 8:30 pm
HUMPHREY’S San Rafael Band - An Absolute
Gem! You’ve got to come treat yourself and your
friends to this top-of-the-line Latin Jazz/Rock
group. If you like Santana, you’ll love this band!
MANCHESTER, Tenn. Bonnaroo Music Festival.
www.bonnaroo.com
ROUNDHOUSE DEPOT Alabama Blues BrothersRed Cross Fundraiser with (SOUL SOCIETY)
showband. 7pm
SAMMY T’s Trotline
TAVERN UNDER THE SQUARE Eric Rhodes Band
THE CORNER Dave Anderson, Voted Best
THE CROSSROADS Live Music - TBA
THE DOCKS, Scottsboro The Tony Brooks Trio
THE VALLEY PLANET
SUNDAY, JUNE 13
HUMPHREY’S Eric Rhodes Band - Try a little
Sunday evening partying every once in a
while! We’re kickin’ it up a notch on Sundays at
Humphrey’s; so you can enjoy bands even more!!
www.bonnaroo.com
Acoustic
THE CORNER Sunday Evening Jam Session - Scott
Morgan hosts, all musicians welcome! 9 p.m.
THE CROSSROADS Movie Night with FREE Music
MONDAY, JUNE 14
BENCHWARMER Karaoke
BIG SPRING PARK FREE “Concerts in the Park”:
Olde Town Brass performs music from the
Revolutionary War period and the Huntsville
Concert Band will close the concert. 6:30-8 p.m.
HUMPHREY’S Scott Morgan - Come on down to
Humphrey’s and have a drink and a hoot with the
ever upbeat Scott Morgan Show!! He is... the most
fun... one audience can have with a guy in a bar!
THE CROSSROADS Open Mic
TUESDAY, JUNE 15
BLUE PARROT, Guntersville Live Music TBA - BIKE
NIGHT, 5-8 pm
HUMPHREY’S Absylom Rising - Just kickass
rhythms, melodies and jams from this three/four
piece outfit! And their vocal harmonies are like
velvet. Just plain, beautiful music!
TWILIGHT ZONE, Guntersville Short Bus - the
best of Funk, Dance and Classic R&B to keep your
booty shakin’! Come and Take A Ride on The Bus!
UPSCALE The Dazzling Diva’s Cabaret
VBC South Exhibit Hall 1 Johnny Rivers Concert!
SATURDAY, JUNE 12
801 FRANKLIN Margie Cumbie - Margie’s mature,
sexy sound is not for kids. It’s for people with class
- people who like good things and like to listen to
great music. 8-11 pm
BENCHWARMER Shine Junkies
FURNITURE FACTORY Voodoo Dogz
in Motion, 8:30 pm
HUMPHREY’S Mambo Gris-Gris - If you think
one night of Latin-style music is enough for one
week, then you obviously haven’t been following
Lucia Cape’s articles about her, Mark Torstenson’s,
Jim Cavender’s & friends’ visit to Cuba this year.
It is some of the most soulful, energetic and
challenging (to play) music in the world!!! Read
about it in the Planet, then get down here to
Humphrey’s Patio and Live It!!!
www.bonnaroo.com
SAMMY T’s Dave Mathews Cover Band
THE CORNER Donnie Cox & Lisa Hubbard Acoustical Duo Variety Rock
THE DOCKS, Scottsboro The Tony Brooks Trio
TWILIGHT ZONE, Guntersville Short Bus - the
UAH, CHAN HALL Walker Street Opry - Local
Bluegrass and “Acoustic Roots” band celebrates
new CD with a concert. Special guests Lisa
Baldwin and Dave Haney, Lisa Busler, Amanda
Yarbrough, Megan Gregory and more. $15 ticket
price includes admission AND a CD! 7 p.m.
Michele
who’s on tonight!
THE VALLEY PLANET
UN
RE
DE R T
HE SQUA
MOST OF JUNE
Thursday 3
Dave Anderson
Friday 4
Absylom Rising
Saturday 5
Big Baller Reese
Sunday 6
Ant & Andrew Acoustic
Monday 7
Lacey Atchison
Tuesday 8
Glenn & Libba
Wednesday 9
Tom Cremeens
Thursday 10
Dave Anderson
Friday 11
Eric Rhodes Band
Saturday 12
Lacey Atchison
Sunday 13
Monday 14
Lacey Atchison
Tuesday 15
Glenn & Libba
Wednesday 16
Scott Morgan
Thursday 17
Dave Anderson
Friday 18
Mike Roberts
Saturday 19
Tom Cremeens
Sunday 20
Monday 21
Lacey Atchison
Tuesday 22
Glenn & Libba
Wednesday 23
Dan Hardin
Thursday 24
Dave Anderson
Friday 25
Reddletters
Saturday 26
Dan Hardin
DOWNTOWN HUNTSVILLE
UNDER THE SQUARE
534-3033
#060304062304
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 10
17
Summer Lovin’ —
It Happens So Fast
by Jennifer H. Daniel
MUSIC
THE CORNER Scott Morgan - Acoustic Rock - ‘60s
to current. NTN Trivia tournament at 7:30 p.m
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 16
I
t’s a fact. When my old black lab sprawls
belly-down and legs out to sleep on the
hardwood floors of my small, 1940s
bungalow instead of my couch, I know it’s
summertime.
It’s summer time, the living is easy, and it’s
so damn hot outside that you can actually feel
the Freon edging out of the steamy, gasoline
haze of all the minivans and SUVs headed out
of town, towards I-65 and down to the white
sands and air-brushed teenagers swarming
the Gulf Coast towns of Pensacola and Gulf
Shores.
The summer solstice isn’t until June 20, but
Dan Satterfield has been doling out 90s for
days. Winn-Dixie has dirty watermelons right
outside their sliding doors in big, cardboard
bins. It’s summertime in my book.
However, I really know it’s summer when my
friends hang leftover Christmas tree lights on
their patios, pull out their guitars and the spare
lawn furniture. With a few neighbors and
musically inclined friends, you’ve got yourself
a Rocket City jam session. The jam session/
house party is a staple of the Huntsville social
life, and if you haven’t been fortunate enough
to experience it, get ready. We’re headed to
Five Points on the next cool, clear Saturday
night. We’ll find some of the town’s best-kept
secrets, along with free beer, fine people and
local tunes. If you’re a professional like me,
you’ll learn to float from Clinton to Beirne all
summer long, armed with only a sturdy to-go
cup and a nice, comfortable pair of flip-flops.
We’ll also catch friends like The Walker Street
Opry on June 12. They’re not playing in
anyone’s den or backyard (this time), but Chan
Hall at UAH is pretty welcoming, and the
bluegrass and traditional tunes are Huntsville
house music at its finest. The Walker Street
Opry is not really a band, you see. It’s just the
playful side-venture of five friends. These five
inclined friends all have careers (day jobs) and
families, yet still find the time to stomp out
some award-winning mountain music. Blaine
Anderson, Patty Brown, Phil Easterbrook,
Mark Ralph and Rick Taylor play a definition
of what they call “real” country music — the
kind that’s “generally performed by men
without big hats and women with midriffs
unexposed,” as the band puts it.
The bubbling musical experiment called The
Walker Street Opry solidified during a jam
session in spring 2002. WSO’s combined
talent boasts performances on “Prairie Home
Companion” and recordings with jazz legends
“The Ralph Sutton Trio” and the founding
member of Huntsville’s favorite honky-tonk
band, Lost Troubadours. Join them at their
CD Release Concert at UAH’s Chan Hall at
7 p.m. June 12. Besides Walker Street Opry,
you’ll hear special guests Lisa Baldwin and
Dave Haney, Lisa Busler, Amanda Yarbrough
and Megan Gregory. Tickets are $15, and the
price includes a free CD. You can get tickets at
The Fret Shop and at Shaver’s Book Store.
Jennifer H. Daniel was trained as a southern
belle before she became a writer. She still enjoys
jamming on the one.
18
FURNITURE FACTORY T.A. Miller
HUMPHREY’S The Gamble Brothers - They’re
back!! And, for once, it’ll be warm outside when
they play! This highly skilled foursome consists
of one award-winning keyboardist, Al Gamble;
one most excellent drummist, Chad Gamble; one
state of the “art” saxophonist, Art Edmaiston; and a
new bassist, Blake Rhea. Their sound? Think: Funky
Meters meets Ray Charles. Funk up de Jazz!!
KAFFEEKLATSCH BAR Paul Galaxy and the
Galactix Misson Control - Rock-a-Billy Surf Music
TAVERN UNDER THE SQUARE Scott Morgan
THE CORNER Marjorie Loveday – Keyboard &
THE STATION Short Bus - the best of Funk, Dance
Tim McGraw - special guests Big & Rich and The
Warren Brothers
THURSDAY, JUNE 17
JJim Parker hosts Songwriters in the Round
featuring Sabrina, James Casto and Kim Parent.
www.JimParkerMusic.com
FLYING MONKEY ARTS CENTER “Acoustic
Cabaret” featuring Phil Weaver & Microwave Dave.
Two local legends of guitar get together to put on
one great show. Both will play a set, and if we’re
lucky, maybe they will try out a couple of pieces
together. $5, 7:30 pm
FURNITURE FACTORY Liberty
Palmer, 8 pm
HUMPHREY’S The Gamble Brothers - Yes, it’s true,
Humphrey’s and Intrepid Artists International
bring you TWO POWER-PACKED Nights of Jazz/
Funk/R&B Fury ala The Gamble Brothers Band!!!
SAMMY T’s Ladies Night! Live Music
Alternative
THE DOCKS, Scottsboro Will Dooley
FRIDAY, JUNE 18
SATURDAY, JUNE 19
BENCHWARMER Chad Bradford Band
BLUEBIRD CAFÉ, Nashville Jim Parker will be in
the round with Rick Beresford, Todd Cerney and
Donny Lowery. 6:30 p.m.
FURNITURE FACTORY Short Bus - the best of
Funk, Dance and Classic R&B to keep your booty
shakin’! Come and Take A Ride on The Bus!
in Motion, 8:30 pm
HUMPHREY’S Microwave Dave & The Nukes- One
of the Blues world’s absolute funnest bands. Dave
never leaves the audience out of the picture; and
his band, The Nukes, never lets the dancers down.
It’s just about the most fun you can have on a
Saturday night, anywhere! So, catch a fine dinner
at Pauli’s Chophouse or Humphrey’s and then let
it loose on the Patio!!
JOE DAVIS STADIUM Ability Fest 2004. Gates
open 1pm. Shametown, Mountain Mojo Authority,
Donna the Buffalo, Larry Keel Experience, The
Codetalkers featuring Col. Bruce Hampton,
Acoustic Syndicate. FIREWORKS after the show!
SAMMY T’s Southern Girls
TAVERN UNDER THE SQUARE Tom Cremeens
THE BRICK, Decatur Black Label
THE CORNER TBA. Come in after the VIPERS game
for a burger! Show your ticket stub and get $2 off
your food order.
THE CROSSROADS Iratowns
THE DOCKS, Scottsboro Dave Anderson
Michele
who’s on tonight!
THE CORNER Scott Morgan - Acoustic Rock - ‘60s
to current.
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 23
HUMPHREY’S Eric Rhodes Band - Back by
rising popular demand and an apparently rising
temperature in their musical performance, Eric
Rhodes Band will shake up Humphrey’s Patio with
some new tunes and fresh solos! Blues Up!
KAFFEEKLATSCH BAR Rockabilly with Craig
Thomas
TAVERN UNDER THE SQUARE Dan Hardin
THE CORNER Marjorie Loveday – Keyboard &
THURSDAY, JUNE 24
featuring Thom Bresh, Lisa Carver and Becky
Hobbs. www.JimParkerMusic.com
FURNITURE FACTORY Dan Hardin
Palmer, 8 pm
HUMPHREY’S Meteorite - Tons of energy!! These
guys don’t let up. A very good band with a very
good sound. Check out their new CD; get as many
as you like at the show. On the Patio, Daddyo!
SAMMY T’s Ladies Night! with Kozmic Mama
Alternative
THE CROSSROADS Shadydeal
THE DOCKS, Scottsboro Max & Dundee - Muddy
Waters-style Blues. Every other Thursday is Blues
Night at the Docks.
FRIDAY, JUNE 25
BENCHWARMER Karaoke
BIG SPRING PARK FREE “Concerts in the Park”:
Brass Band of Huntsville, classical & pops Jerry
McAllister & Open Delta, delta blues. 6:30-8 p.m.
HUMPHREY’S Microwave Dave - Weather
permitting, we’ll have a fantastic night on the
patio (it’s not quite July, yet) with the amazing
sounds of Microwave Dave and his array of
stringed instruments and soulful vocals.
THE CROSSROADS Zen Tricksters
BENCHWARMER Live Music - TBA
BUFFALO’S Short Bus - the best of Funk, Dance
FURNITURE FACTORY Big Ben Atkins
in Motion, 8:30 pm
HUMPHREY’S Eric Rhodes Band - Check these
guys out as they head out to show Atlanta some
of Huntsville’s stellar talent. It’s Blues With An
Attitude, and it’s coming your way, Atlanta!!
SAMMY T’s Rollin’ in the Hay
SPORTS PAGE Black Label
TAVERN UNDER THE SQUARE Reddletters
THE CROSSROADS Oteil and the Peacemakers
THE DOCKS, Scottsboro Lacey Atchison
TUESDAY, JUNE 22
SATURDAY, JUNE 26
SUNDAY, JUNE 20
HUMPHREY’S Tom Cremeens - Come over to
Humphrey’s and enjoy Tom’s modern, Europeanstyle, solo acoustic rock & roll performance. You’ll
be glad you did. And if you are from out of town,
I’ll bet your hometown doesn’t have anyone like
Tom performing in it. That means you, too, Atlanta.
Acoustic
THE CORNER Sunday Evening Jam Session - Scott
Morgan hosts, all musicians welcome! 9 p.m.
THE CROSSROADS That 1 Guy. ww.that1guy.com
MONDAY, JUNE 21
801 FRANKLIN Dave McConnell “The Sinatra Guy”
is joining us for his take on “old blue eyes.” 8-11pm
BENCHWARMER Witchdoctor’s Opera
in Motion, 8:30 pm
HUMPHREY’S The Cracker Jacks - Get down here
and get on your Rockabilly fix!! The Cracker Jacks
take you on a timeless journey thru the eyes and
ears of some of American roots music’s finest!!
JOE DAVIS STADIUM Ability Fest 2004. Gates
open 5 pm. Garaj Mahal, P.M. Dawn and Arrested
Development
SAMMY T’s Cheese Brokers
SPORTS PAGE Short Bus - the best of Funk, Dance
TAVERN UNDER THE SQUARE Mike Roberts
THE CROSSROADS Black Root Ensemble
THE DOCKS, Scottsboro Lee & Mike (of
Boneyard)
BLUE PARROT, Guntersville Live Music TBA - BIKE
NIGHT, 5-8 pm
FLYING MONKEY ARTS CENTER “Improvisation,”
Open Jam Session. Acoustic session open to
all musicians. If you don’t play but like to hear
musicians collaborate on new ideas, come and see
some of Huntsville’s most talented musicians as
they experiment with sound. $1, 4 pm
HUMPHREY’S The Amazing TBA Band - We’re not
sure what they play, but what’s amazing is how
many gigs they can show up to at once!!!
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 10
#060304062304
801 FRANKLIN The Sinatra Guy & His Band - Dave
McConnell, our “Sinatra Guy” brings along his pals
for a great night of tunes that you know and love.
5:30-8:30 pm
BENCHWARMER Diamond Blue
THE VALLEY PLANET
MUSIC
FURNITURE FACTORY Jim Cavender
in Motion, 8:30 pm
HUMPHREY’S Freeworld - Welcome back to the
best jam band from Memphis!! Get your dancing
shoes sussed up and put on a few extra pounds
before you attempt to keep up with these boys!!
They’re just getting better and better! Until the
next issue, keep reading Valley Planet (all of it!)
and keep on Partying on The Patio at Humphrey’s
Bar & Grill. Thanks, Huntsville!
LOWE MILL Blackout: Huntsville’s only Goth &
Industrial night. DJ naught will be spinning EBM,
goth, industrial, electroclash and dark alternative.
10 pm, 18+, $5. www.radio-spy.org/blackout.
[email protected]
NEIGHBORHOOD HOT SPOT Short Bus - the
SAMMY T’s Black-Eyed Susan AND Chippendales
SPORTS PAGE Peacemaker
TAVERN UNDER THE SQUARE Dan Hardin
THE CORNER Live Music - TBA
THE DOCKS, Scottsboro First Year Anniversary
Party - The Tony Brooks Trio
Michele
who’s on tonight!
EVENTS
Registration Open for Arts Camp 2004
Arts Camp is a two-week day camp for children
ages 6–12. Other age children may be allowed
upon directors’ approval. Children participate
in five different art forms including 2- and 3dimensional visual art, music, dance and drama in
an atmosphere of encouragement and fun. Early
registration is recommended. Camps are held in
Guntersville and Albertville in July. Contact MVAC
at (256) 582-1454, [email protected]. 
www.mountainvalleyartscouncil.org
Through June 4
Register for Big Brothers Big Sisters Annual
Golf Tournament - Colonial Golf Course
Tournament held on June 5. $500 per team,
includes greens fees, cart, beverages, breakfast,
lunch and prizes. Hole sponsors: $200. Corporate
sponsors: $1000. Don’t miss the most fun 4-man
scramble tournament of the year … and help
the kids in our community, too! (256) 651-6040 or
www.bbbsna.com for info and to register.
Through June 15
MOVA Arts Festival Songwriters’ Competition
Now accepting entries for the songwriters’
competition. Awards given include $1500 Best of
Show. Eleven competition categories. Performing
festival in September. For information, call the
Mountain Valley Arts Council at (256) 582-1454 or
visit http://MOVA.MountainValleyArtsCouncil.org.
Through June 15
MOVA Arts Festival Artwork Design Contest
Open to all Northeast Alabama artists. Artwork
should be a 2-dimensional piece of artwork
or photography featuring an artistic theme
and/or Lake Guntersville that can be used on all
promotional material. Artists may incorporate the
MOVA Arts Festival logo in the design. Winning
artist receives $150, a one-year membership in
the Mountain Valley Arts Council, T-shirt and two
VIP passes to the 2004 festival. (256) 582-1454,
[email protected] or visit
http://MOVA.MountainValleyArtsCouncil.org.
Through June 25
Register: ART VENTURES! Summer Day Camp
The Arts Council once again presents its ART
VENTURES! Summer Day Camp. The Camp takes
children on a tour of the arts, as they participate
in sessions covering drama, visual arts, music,
dance and creative writing. Camp will take
place July 12–23 (weekdays 9 a.m.–3 p.m.) at
Huntsville Middle School and is open to children
ages 6–12. Cost is $225 per camper for the twoweek session. Limited spaces are available, so
register early! For information or to register for
camp, call (256) 519-2787. Visit us on the web at
www.artshuntsville.org.
THE VALLEY PLANET
Through June 30
“Mountain Valley Beauty: Artist Views of
Marshall County” - Guntersville Public Library
All areas of life in Marshall County are the subject of
this exhibit, which includes photography, paintings
and 3-dimensional art. Jim Goshorn of Guntersville
and Cyndi Hornsby of Huntsville received the
People’s Choice Awards. Goshorn, a steel and
metal artist, received votes for his sculpture titled
“Lake Guntersville.” The piece depicted a barge,
bridge and human figures. Hornsby won for her
photograph of the lake reflected in a car mirror.
The library is located at 1240 O’Brig Ave., beside
the old armory. (256) 571-7595.
Through July 15
Early-bird Registration for Lakeside Arts
District - MOVA Arts Festival
The Lakeside Arts District is for artists to exhibit
and sell their works. No commissions charged on
sales. Exhibitors must show original artwork only;
no commercial kits or molds will be accepted.
Must be 18 years of age or older. Security provided.
Some artists may be selected to demonstrate their
work during the festival weekend. Artists wishing
to demonstrate should apply by the July 15
deadline. Up to $50 of booth fee will be refunded
to artists accepted to demonstrate. Festival will be
Sept. 17-19 at the Civitan Park in Guntersville. Info:
(256) 582-1454, [email protected] or
visit http://MOVA.MountainValleyArtsCouncil.org.
Through July 18
“Becoming a Nation: Americana from the
Diplomatic Reception Rooms, U.S. Department
of State” - Huntsville Museum of Art
Take a walk through our nation’s history as seen
through the eyes of artists and craftsmen from
1740 to 1825. There are more than 130 pieces of
fine and decorative art including furniture, silver,
paintings and porcelain. See how Americans
decorated their homes more than 200 years ago.
This important exhibition also tells the story of our
forefathers and how they created relationships
with other countries and started the Department
of State. You’ll see a document signed by our first
president, George Washington, silver made by Paul
Revere, and many paintings of what early settlers
saw when they came to America and eventually
headed west. Expanded hours. Adm. charged.
www.becominganation.com.
EXTENDED Through July 31
“Heritage of Lincoln County, Tenn.”
Lincoln County’s Heritage Book Committee is
preparing a unique collection of topical and family
sketches, and you’ve still got time to join in! All
residents of, former residents of, and those with
ancestors in LCT are invited to submit a family
household genealogy/history of 500 words and
one photograph (no originals, please) to be printed
FREE! If your ancestors arrived in LCT prior to 1836,
you may submit ONE additional 500-word Pioneer
genealogy/history and another photograph to be
printed FREE. Info: www.tncountyheritage.com,
(931) 433-8406, or contact Walsworth Publishing
at
[email protected]
and
[email protected].
Through August 13
“Culinary Delights & Abandoned Persuasions”
The Gallery @ 801 Franklin
Paintings by JOANNA, www.joannaart.com,
and photographs by Dennis Keim, www.dkstudio.com.
Through September 6
WaterWorks!
Huntsville Botanical Garden
Those long, hot days of summer have met their
match! Huntsville Utilities has built a full-scale
leaky water tower that will deliver gallons of water
— but not through any traditional plumbing!
Design your own fountain at the Tool Trough and
get a good soaking in the Sloshy Saucer. Families
will love Gusher Alley with its motion-activated
gushers. Climb through the Rock Garden where
water squirts out of solid rock. The Fabulous Flying
Fortress will be fully armed with a water cannon,
and Area 51 will be creepy with swirling mist.
Through September 30
Tessmann Butterfly House
More than 30 species of North American butterflies
take flight throughout the summer. Visitors can
see every stage of the life of these quiet creatures
from egg, to caterpillar, to chrysalis, and finally to
beautiful butterfly.
#060304062304
YETI meets the Monkey
by Catherine Shearer
Through June 30
Exhibit: Linda Walden
MVAC Gallery Guntersville
YETI
, an Atlanta-based film collective, is embarking on a tour that will bring
the incredible talent of Atlanta’s filmmakers to the rest of the nation.
At press time, the tour planned to kick off May 28 with a fundraiser at the Eyedrum
Gallery and continue throughout the Southeast all summer, taking a short break before
continuing nationwide in the fall. Come and celebrate the independent voice of Atlanta’s
best filmmakers!
Among the filmmakers and collectives:
POP Films — Winners of the 2003 48-Hour Film Project and creators of “Last
Goodbye‚” starring Faye Dunaway and David Carradine.
Franklin Lopez — Winner of the 2003 Emerging Artist Award by the City of Atlanta.
Jon Hill — Winner of the 2002 48-Hour Film Project.
About YETI
YETI was born when several veteran filmmakers talked about their frustrations getting
work seen and the bias of the film-festival circuit. In true punk-rock fashion, they did
something about it. YETI was born. Since that fateful evening, YETI has successfully
launched two projects. First was “Under the Influence,” where filmmakers and video
artists were asked to make a short that was inspired by their favorite song. The event was
a whopping success, and the companion DVD is a favorite among indie film lovers. The
second project, “No Cuts,” asked filmmakers to create a piece with no edits. The event
was the largest crowd the Eyedrum has ever seen, and the buzz around Atlanta lasted for
weeks. Now YETI’s biggest endeavor, “YETI Tour 2004‚” launches this summer.
About Eyedrum
Established in 1998, Eyedrum is a non-profit organization developing an interdisciplinary
approach to the arts by incorporating a wide range of contemporary art, music and new
media in its gallery space.
About Flying Monkey Arts
Established in 2003, Flying Monkey Arts Center (1230 Putman Drive) is a not-for-profit
community arts collective that encourages, supports and promotes events featuring
— but not limited to — music, film, theater, dance, puppetry, visual and performance art
with a focus on experimental works for mature audiences.
YETI will be visiting Flying Monkey Arts Center in Huntsville on June 19 at 8 p.m.
Admission is $5.
Sources on the Net: http://submediatv.com, http://YETI.tv, http://eyedrum.org
http://flyingmonkeyarts.org
Catherine Shearer is a native Huntsvillian, owner of NoneSuch Gifts and supporter of the Arts.
Through October 31
“An Eye for Adventure: Walter Anderson’s View
of Children’s Literature”
Huntsville Museum of Art
Classical literature held an endless fascination for
Walter Anderson, especially works for children.
During his life he produced literally thousands
of drawings, watercolors and blocks, which
illustrate many well-known fables and tales. This
exhibition will include large block prints of fairy
tales, drawings from “Alice In Wonderland” and
the complete set of block prints from his children’s
book “Robinson: The Pleasant History of an
Unusual Cat.” Gen. adm. for non-members.
award-winning Anthony Argo, assisted by John
Hightower. June 4-5, 10-12 and 17-19 at 8 p.m.
with Sunday Matinees at 5 p.m. on June 6 &
13. Tickets $14, with group discounts available.
Contact Renaissance Theatre at (256) 536-3117 for
reserved tickets.
June 3
Film: “Founding Fathers: Rebels With Cause”
Huntsville Museum of Art 6:30 p.m.
The first in a four-part film series that help viewers
understand more about the men who forged our
nation. From the first events of discontent to the
fight for independence and the ratification of
the Constitution, “Founding Fathers” reveals the
personalities behind the legends and offers an
intimate take on these pivotal events. FREE to all.
June 4
City Lights & Stars: Gerhart Chamber Music
Festival Ensemble
Burritt on the Mountain – A Living Museum
7:30 p.m. This prestigious chamber ensemble of
string instruments and piano makes its City Lights
debut. The ensemble is composed of nationally
renowned musicians who have performed
worldwide. Unconfined by the walls of a traditional
concert hall, musicians perform under the stars,
with Burritt’s breathtaking view of the Tennessee
Valley as a backdrop. Advance tickets: $10 adults,
$6 students. $12 at the gate. Fancy picnic suppers
are available if purchased in advance.
June 4 – 19
“Murder in the Magnolias”
Renaissance Theatre, Alpha Stage
What happens when you parody characters and
plots from almost every Southern play imaginable
and sprinkle them with the flavor of “Gone With
The Wind”? You get the hilarious “Murder in the
Magnolias” by Tim Kelly, which returns to the
Huntsville stage, once again directed by the
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 10
June 3
West Coast Swing Lessons
Hog Wild Dance Club 7:30 p.m.
Led by Phillip Dorroll, renowned dance instructor
from Nashville, Tenn. $10. Stay after the lesson and
dance with us. Music suited for West Coast Swing,
Hustle, East Coast Swing, Latin and Country.
June 4 – 5
Foggy Hollow Bluegrass Gatherin’
Top national acts, plus regional bands! Located
just off Hwy. 431, between Gadsden and Anniston,
19
In Concert
Kid Rock
June 3 – VBC Arena, Huntsville
Jessica Simpson
special guest Ryan Cabrera
June 5 – Verizon Wireless Music
Center – Pelham
Aerosmith
special guest Cheap Trick
Center – Pelham
Tim McGraw
special guests Big & Rich and The
Warren Brothers
Center – Pelham
ABILITY FEST
Arrested development, PM Dawn,
Acoustic syndicate, donna the
buffalo, shametown, more.
June 18-19, joe davis stadium,
huntsville
Shania Twain
June 30 – BJCC Arena, Birmingham
Michael W. Smith & Mercy Me
special guest David Crowder Band
July 9 – Verizon Wireless Music
Center – Pelham
Norah Jones
August 13 – Verizon Wireless
Music Center – Pelham
Hank Williams Jr.
special guest Montgomery Gentry
“Acoustic Planet Tour”
Bela Fleck & The Flecktones,
Keller Williams, Yonder Mountain
String Band
John Mayer
special guests Maroon 5 & DJ
Logic
The Pixies
October 12 – Boutwell Auditorium
– Birmingham
OakMountainAmphitheaterisnow
Verizon Wireless Music Center
EVENTS
in Webster’s Chapel Community. Tickets available
at The Fret Shop (Huntsville). Camping, children’s
stage, concessions and more. For details call (256)
492-3700. www.foggyhollow.com
June 4 – 12
“The Saloonkeeper’s Daughter”
Catholic High School Auditorium
Huntsville
Community
Chorus’
popular
annual Melodrama Dinner Theater combo
returns with one of the area’s favorite old-time
mellerdrammers, Jack Sharkey and Dave Resier’s
“The Saloonkeeper’s Daughter”! June 4, 5, 11 &
12 at 7 p.m. (Dinner at 6 p.m.). June 5 & 12 at 2
p.m. (Dessert at intermission). Dinner & Show:
$25. Matinee & Dessert: $15. (256) 533-6606,
[email protected], www.thechorus.org
June 5
Trail Maintenance Workday
The Land Trust 9 a.m. – 3 p.m.
Celebrate “National Trails Day” helping to finish the
new trail on Wade Mountain! The Land Trust needs
volunteers for the Trail-care Crew. Call Sandy or
Andy for details, (256) 534-5263. Free lunch served
to volunteers, but reservations are required.
June 5
Wine Tasting
Pauli’s Gourmet Food, Wine & Fine Spirits
3–5 p.m. No Charge
June 5
Founder’s Day Celebration in Morgan City, Ala.
Music, Crafts, Food, Fun! 7 p.m. Tina Shelton &
Wilhite Station Band perform classic country at
the Street Dance.
June 5
Contra Dance
Live music by Tom, Kat and the Fiddle and
Calling by Chrissy Davis-Camp of Nashville. All
ages welcome, singles, couples & families. 7 p.m.
Beginner’s Lesson; 7:30-10:30 p.m. Dance. Adm.
$7/$4 students/Free for age 12 & under. Faith
Presbyterian Gym, corner of Airport Road &
Whitesburg Drive. Call (256) 837-0656 or visit
http://secontra.com/NACDS.html
June 5
Recycled Art Contest Awards
Flying Monkey Arts Center 7 p.m.
Winners in the 6th Annual Recycled Art Contest
will be announced at the June 5 awards ceremony.
Artwork will be on display during regularly
scheduled events at the Flying Monkey through
June 19. See what local artists do with junk, view
entries in this year’s Recycled Art Contest. Come
out and vote for this year’s People’s Choice Award
winner. www.recycledartcontest.com.
June 5
Arkansas Twisters vs. Tennessee Valley Vipers
Von Braun Center 7:30 p.m.
June 5
Puppet Show by Squeaking Tribe
Squeaking Tribe will perform short puppet works.
Guest puppeteers will also perform. Mature
content not suitable for younger audiences. $5
June 6
“Inventing the Cotton Gin: Machine and Myth
in Antebellum Alabama”
Huntsville-Madison County Library 2 – 4 p.m.
The cotton gin was developed in ancient Asia
but has acquired an almost mythological status
in America. Join Auburn History Professor Dr.
Angela Lakwete as she explores the myth then
the machine in its Old and New World forms and
its profound impact on Alabama culture and
economics.
June 6
Storytelling with Beth Dean
Huntsville Museum of Art 3 p.m.
Beth Dean is director of Youth Services for the
Huntsville-Madison County Public Library. Join this
talented storyteller for an afternoon of enchanting
stories (in conjunction with “An Eye for Adventure:
The World of Walter Anderson”). Free to members.
Included in gen. adm. for non-members.
June 6
Film: “Priestess” Fundraiser
Sonia, the fifth incarnation of a secret society,
Priestess of the Pharaoh’s Circle is lost and doesn’t
know it. Her group has been meeting for thousands
of years fighting chaos and building harmony.
20
Incarnations are granted special powers to help
them carry out their tasks in secrecy including
astral travel, astral vision and turning into cats. As
a safeguard to protect their secret, any Priestess
that fails to report for duty by the appointed time
must die. Priestesses Kalil, Giadania, Matlnia and
Ashell will stop at nothing to get their Sister back.
“Priestess” was filmed in North Alabama last fall.
Award-winning director Chris Malone directed
this fantasy. Adm. $5
June 11 – 19
“Ragtime”
Lee Auditorium
Presented by Independent Musical Productions.
Performances June 11, 12, 17 & 19 at 7:30 p.m. and
June 13 & 19 at 2:30 p.m. Adults, $18; Students/
Seniors, $15. Group discounts. Tickets available at
Shaver’s Books, Off-Campus Bookstore, Parisian’s
(Parkway Place), and A.B. Stephen’s Music. Info:
(256) 859-2563. 606 Forrest Circle.
June 7
“Concerts in the Park”: Reunion
Big Spring Park 6:30 – 8 p.m.
This rock-n-roll oldies group will have the audience
dancing to the hits from the ‘50s, ‘60s and ‘70s.
FREE concert. Blankets, lawn chairs and picnics are
encouraged. Snacks, pizza and soft drinks will be
available for sale.
June 12
Fern Festival
Fern varieties hardy to North Alabama are offered
for sale. Learn how to landscape with ferns.
June 8
Gerhart Chamber Music Festival - Homecoming
Concert
Episcopal Church of the Epiphany Guntersville
6:30 p.m. Special addition to the Lakeside Summer
Concert Series. The 2004 program features the
Gerhart Festival Ensemble, which includes Michael
Davis, violin; Lynn Chang, violin; Wayne Roden,
viola; Bion Tsang, cello; Jeffrey Cohen, piano; and
2004 guest artist Keisuke Wakao, oboe. Tickets are
$10 and are available at the Mountain Valley Arts
Council office or through Gorham’s Bluff.
June 9 – 12
Historic Downtown Stevenson, Ala.
Celebrate the rich railroad history of this lovely
Southern town. June 9: Community Worship
Service. June 10: Ice Cream Social and live
entertainment. June 11: Hobo Stew Cook-off
and live entertainment. June 12: Patriotic salute,
grand parade, arts and crafts, children’s activities,
railroad museum tours, all-day entertainment,
class reunions and a Street Dance on Main Street.
Call (256) 437-3012.
June 10
“Jazz-N-June Golf Tournament”
Hampton Cove Golf Course
Part of the 18th Annual “Jazz-N-June” Festival.
Join us for a fun “quartet scramble” tournament.
Proceeds benefit Youth Development. For details,
contact the Tennessee Valley Jazz Society, (256)
858-0409, [email protected].
June 10
Film: “Founding Fathers: Taking Liberties”
Huntsville Museum of Art 6:30 p.m.
From the first events of discontent to the fight
for independence and the ratification of the
Constitution, “Founding Fathers” reveals the
personalities behind the legends and offers and
June 10
Guided Tour: “Visions of Nature: The World of
Walter Anderson” - Huntsville Museum of Art
7 p.m. “Visions of Nature” takes the viewer on a
metaphorical journey from the mainland to Horn
Island, off the Gulf Coast of Mississippi, through
works in various mediums. Free to members.
Included in gen. adm.
June 10
Locating your American Revolutionary War
Ancestor, with James Maples
Huntsville-Madison County Library 7 p.m.
James is vice president of the Alabama Society
Sons of the American Revolution and vice
president of the Alabama Cemetery Preservation
Alliance. He will present a program of finding aides
for American Revolutionary soldiers using sources
located in the Huntsville Heritage Room.
June 11
Jazz Concert
Monte Sano State Park Community Center
Part of the 18th Annual “Jazz-N-June” Festival.
Concert features recording artist Jerry Tachoir,
(Tash-wah) one of the most in demand mallet
artists in the world! For details, contact the
Tennessee Valley Jazz Society, (256) 858-0409,
[email protected].
June 11
Red Cross Fundraiser
The Roundhouse Depot 7 p.m.
Featuring The Alabama Blues Brothers with (SOUL
SOCIETY) showband.
June 11
“Poetry Slam” featuring music by Simone
Flying Monkey Arts Center 7:30 p.m.
Local poets are invited to participate in this open
forum. There are no boundaries in this poetry
open mic. Simone will also perform short original
acoustic sets between readings.
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 10
#060304062304
June 12
Wine Tasting
Pauli’s Gourmet Food, Wine & Fine Spirits
3–5 p.m. No Charge
June 12
Lecture: “Mount Vernon: A Lecture by James
Rees” - Huntsville Museum of Art 7 – 9 p.m.
James C. Rees talks about of one our most famous
forefathers, George Washington, and Mt. Vernon,
the estate Washington called home for more than
40 years. Rees also shares insight into Washington’s
contributions to architecture, landscape design
and agriculture. Members: $5, Non-members: $10
(doesn’t include adm. to galleries).
June 12
Concert Under the Stars
Lodge on Gorham’s Bluff Pisgah
Featuring The Gerhart Chamber Music Festival.
The atmosphere and the format are relaxed
and spontaneous as the festival artists share
solo and ensemble pieces they’ve selected for
the evening. Built on the bluffs overlooking the
Tennessee River, the Lodge on Gorham’s Bluff
creates the perfect ambiance for an outdoor
musical event. Guests are invited to come early
and partake in the Benefit Gala Dinner prepared
by Lodge Chef Charles McCleskey. Or, strike a
casual approach - pack a picnic, bring a blanket
and come as you are.
June 12 – 13
Jazz on the Mountain
Monte Sano State Park Amphitheatre
Part of the 18th Annual “Jazz-N-June” Festival. For
details, contact the Tennessee Valley Jazz Society,
(256) 858-0409, [email protected].
June 13
“Patriot’s Festival Day”
Huntsville Museum of Art 1:30 – 4:30 p.m.
In conjunction with “Becoming a Nation,” the
Museum invites you to fun-filled day. Participants
will meet various figures from the American
Revolution. There will be music, hands-on
activities, storytelling and more! Come dressed
as your favorite Colonial figure to enter the “Best
Dressed” contest! This program is FREE to all.
June 13
Free Guided Tour
Three Caves 2 p.m.
Don’t miss this oh so “cool” tour — cool as in 55
degrees year ‘round! See one of Huntsville’s most
unique wonders! Join us for a guided tour of this
old limestone quarry that is practically downtown
and is becoming a natural cave. Free to the public,
but reservations are required. Call The Land Trust
at (256) 534-5263 to reserve your spot.
June 14
Silver Tea
Burritt on the Mountain – A Living Museum
1 – 4 p.m. The Burritt Museum Guild is setting
a place for you at their 20th annual Silver Tea.
Fashion, tasty treats, decorating tips, soothing
music and excellent conversation make this a truly
“special” event. $20 donation. Call the museum for
an invitation. www.burrittmuseum.com
June 14
“Concerts in the Park”
Olde Town Brass will perform music from the
Revolutionary War period and the Huntsville
Concert Band will close the concert. FREE concert.
Blankets, lawn chairs and picnics are encouraged.
Snacks, pizza and soft drinks will be available for
sale.
June 14 – 15
Auditions for “Moon Over Buffalo”
Fantasy Playhouse Building 7 p.m.
3312 Long Avenue. To be presented by Theatre
Huntsville. (256) 539-0807, www.theatrehsv.org.
THE VALLEY PLANET
In
My Father’s Shadow
by Cody Roy
I
’ve been working on a screenplay
for nearly a year now, and like many
scripts, it has a scene in which my
protagonist receives a phone call from his
long-estranged father, who’s terminally
ill and would like to make amends before
it’s too late. I’m sure you’ve seen this
type of maudlin moment a thousand times
on Lifetime, the kind that culminates
in a tear-soaked hug and smells like a
Hallmark card. Hey, I never said my
screenplay is groundbreaking or even
good.
Anyway, the morning after I completed
this scene, my mom called to inform me
that my long-estranged father had had a
heart attack severe enough to land him in
intensive care. (Cue “The Twilight Zone”
theme music.) I mumbled something
pseudo-profound about life imitating art,
but she ignored me and circled back to the
burning question: Would I visit him in the
hospital? “Are you joking?” I said. “Of
course not.”
Now hold on. Before you judge me, listen
to my story. My father left my mom and
me when I was only two, and I very rarely
saw or heard from him thereafter. While
it may be true that I can’t remember
June 15
Lakeside Summer Concert: Gary Waldrep Band
Civitan Park Guntersville 6:30 p.m.
Bluegrass and country music, children’s activities
and food for sale. Visual artists are welcome to
show their work at concerts. Concerts are free, but
donations are gladly accepted.
June 16
Free Guided Tour
Three Caves 10 a.m.
June 18 – 19
Ability Fest 2004
Joe Davis Stadium
2-Day Music Festival with Arrested Development,
PM Dawn, Acoustic Syndicate, Garaj Mahal, The
Codetalkers featuring Col. Bruce Hampton, The
Larry Keel Experience, Donna the Buffalo, Mountain
Mojo Authority, Shametown. $20 Tickets - Railroad
Bazaar locations, The Crossroads and Chef’s Table. A
benefit concert to install handicapped-accessible,
automatic doors in schools. Gates Open Friday, 5
p.m. & Saturday, 1 p.m. www.abilityfest.org
June 18 – 20
“City Stages” Music Festival
Downtown Birmingham
3-day music festival featuring the entire spectrum
of live music; a children’s festival; contemporary
and traditional arts and crafts; performance art,
and dance; and a Spoken Word Poetry Festival.
(256) 251-1272, www.citystages.org.
June 18 – 20
Alabama Sports Festival State Games
Milton Frank Stadium
Opening Ceremonies will be held Friday at 7:30
p.m. Kozmic Mama will perform. The Alabama
Sports Festival is officially recognized as a United
States Olympic Committee State Games Program
Participant and is part of a nationwide network of
State Games. In 2003, Alabama Sports Festival XXI
Programs showcased more than 8,000 athletes
competing in 21 different Olympic-style sports
at the State Games, regional tournaments and
events hosted with the Alabama Public Housing
Authorities. www.alagames.com
June 18 – 27
“Eleemosynary”
Renaissance Theatre Main Stage
This sensitive and funny play — part linguistic
exercise, part dramatic saga, part comic narrative
THE VALLEY PLANET
anything from that time firsthand, I’m
quite familiar with his sordid deeds, as
my mom never hesitated to keep me
well informed. Blatant infidelity, broken
cheekbones and ribs, a pistol to my
mom’s temple (even as she held me in
her arms), sliced thighs to mark territory,
these comprise my legacy. You may find
yourself thinking that these are my mom’s
scars, not mine, so why should I hold a
grudge?
Well, I assure you, I have wounds of my
own, and they simply refuse to heal. In
fact, every time I’m reminded that I have
a biological father, my festering sores
are aggravated, like scabs snagging and
coming off with socks. When I was six
or seven, I spent a few court-appointed
weekends with my father, but he always
used work as an excuse to flee the
paternal scene, either leaving me with
one of his girlfriends or bringing me
home early. Still, I’d wait for him at the
end of my mom’s driveway every other
Friday, teetering eagerly on top of my
little blue “Goin’ to Daddy’s” suitcase.
Even when his no-shows became more
frequent and when he eventually stopped
coming altogether (without so much as a
phone call), I waited, well into the night
— expresses the struggle for understanding
among three distaff generations, mingling
philosophy-of-life themes with humor and wit.
June 18, 19, 23, 24, 25 & 26 at 8 p.m. June 20 & 27 at
2:30 p.m. 536-3117, www.renaissancetheatre.net
June 19
Five Points Common Market
Art & Marketplace 8 a.m. – noon
Corner of Pratt and Dement. Flowers, Unique Gifts,
Coffee, Fresh Foods. Free to artists and vendors.
Open to the public. Call to (256) 457-3819.
June 19
Birmingham Steeldogs vs. Tennessee Valley
Vipers - Von Braun Center 7:30 p.m.
June 19
Alabama Blues Brothers Outdoor Concert
Outside of Alabama Uniforms 6 p.m.
Stop by this outdoor event on Andrew Jackson
Way to see “Jake” and “Elwood” singing the blues!
June 19
“YETI”
Touring film festival featuring the short works of
award-winning Atlanta-based filmmakers. $5
June 19 & 20
Huntsville Area Computer Show
Von Braun Center East Hall 1
June 19 & 20
Daylily Festival
Over 800 varieties of these summer stars of the
garden. A Father’s Day treat!
June 19–20 & 26–27
Shakespeare on the Mountain: “A Comedy of
Errors” - Monte Sano Amphitheatre 7 p.m.
Presented by Theatre Huntsville. For ticket prices
and info., please call (256) 539-0807 or log onto
www.theatrehsv.org.
June 20
Concert: The Brass Band of Huntsville
Huntsville Museum of Art 3 p.m.
This group of 32 talented musicians is dedicated
to musical excellence and the advancement of
brass band music. In celebration of the Museum’s
exhibition “Becoming a Nation,” they play patriotic
selections and other compositions dedicated to
the brass instrument. Members: $5, Non-members:
$8 (doesn’t include admission to galleries).
June 20
“Diary of a Black Man”
Von Braun Center Concert Hall
#060304062304
sometimes. I hardly knew the man, yet
something within a boy must believe in
his father.
Later, as a teenager, I was permitted to get
gas free of charge at my father’s Southside
Texaco Station. Well, it wasn’t free per
se; since he couldn’t be relied upon to
send monthly child support checks, this
method of payment seemed best. On
average, I tanked up once a week, yet I
rarely saw my father’s face. Rather than
do it himself, he’d send “Blind Mike”
— a poor soul whose glasses were so
thick they made Stephen King’s seem
like reading glasses — to pump my gas.
We did speak on two occasions, however.
He once attempted to take credit for my
graduating valedictorian of my high
school, insulting my mom’s intelligence
in the process, so I left in a silent huff.
And the other time, I felt courageous and
asked him why he hadn’t even bothered
to call on my birthdays all those years.
Smugly, he asked in return, “Why didn’t
you call me for any of mine?”
deem it appropriate for him to attend my
wedding. And yet, he’s always lurking
in the back of my mind. For instance,
every piece of fiction I’ve ever written
has a “Daddy Dearest” character and
a pitiful, conflicted boy in its pages.
Perhaps subconsciously, in doing this,
I’m spending time with my father the only
way I can, telling him things I otherwise
couldn’t. (Writing empowers me. I’m a
paper champ, literally.)
In case you’re wondering, I haven’t
visited my father in the hospital. As a boy,
I chased his shadow for years; now, as a
man, I’m running away from it. And just
as I know that I will continue to avoid
him, I’m certain that I’ll regret it. Still, the
little boy within simply refuses to resume
his wait at the end of that driveway. Even
if this turns out to be my father’s last
chance ever to show up, as it were, the
little boy won’t reconsider. Maybe he’s
just outgrown the need to be picked up.
Needless to say, I’ve done my best to
exclude him from my adult life. I didn’t
invite him to any of my graduations (high
school, college or grad school), nor did I
Cody Roy is a freelance writer currently residing in
Huntsville. Email your comments to
June 20
Free Guided Tour
Three Caves 2 p.m.
June 25 – 26
“I Love America! Encore!”
Princess Theatre Decatur 7:30 p.m.
June 21
Family Movie Night: “Johnny Tremain”
Madison Public Library 4 p.m.
In colonial Boston, a young silversmith’s apprentice
injures his hand and finds himself befriended by
the Sons of Liberty and caught up in events of
the American Revolution. Join us for this special
showing the Walt Disney depiction of Esther
Forbes’ Revolutionary War novel “Johnny Tremain.”
Bring your friends and some snacks!
June 21
“Concerts in the Park”
Brass Band of Huntsville - classical & pops. Jerry
McAllister & Open Delta - delta blues. FREE
concert. Blankets, lawn chairs and picnics are
encouraged. Snacks, pizza and soft drinks will be
available for sale.
June 21
Madison Arts Council Summer Concert Series
Madison Park 7 p.m.
The Alabama Blues Brothers perform.
June 22
Lakeside Summer Concert: Janet McLaughlin
Civitan Park Guntersville 6:30 p.m.
Americana music, children’s activities and food for
sale. Visual artists are welcome to show their work.
Concerts are free, donations accepted.
June 24
Film: “Founding Fathers: You Say You Want a
Revolution” - Huntsville Museum of Art
6:30 p.m. From the first events of discontent to
the fight for independence and the ratification
of the Constitution, “Founding Fathers” reveals
the personalities behind the legends and offers an
June 25
Classic Movies in the Park: “Chitty Chitty Bang
Bang” - Huntsville Museum of Art 8:30 p.m.
Free to all, donations accepted. Movie shown on
back, west wall of Museum. Program coordinated
by The Art Krewe and Comcast Cablevision and
sponsored by All Needz Rental, Platinum Mortgage
and Tummi Talk.
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 10
[email protected].
June 26
Alabama Blues Brothers
Downtown Woodville, Ala.
Catch “Jake” and “Elwood” Blues and enjoy great
BBQ, too!
June 26
Free Guided Tour
Three Caves 2 p.m.
June 26
Fyffe Lodge 3rd Annual Old Time Fiddlers
Convention - Fyffe City Park 4 p.m.
Rain or shine. Bring your lawn chair. Concessions
available. 1st Place Band, $300. 1st Place Fiddle,
$200. 1st Place Bluegrass Banjo, $100. 1st Place
Old-time Banjo, $100. Cash prizes for guitar,
mandolin and buck dancing, too. For more
information, contact: Dennis George at (256) 9966916 or Kenneth Boggs at (256) 638-2242 (day) or
(256) 638-3010 (night).
June 26
A Night of Spoken Word
Hosted by KorKeya. Shows filmed live! 7 – 8 p.m.
recording. 8 – 10 p.m. Open mic. (256) 489-7000 or
[email protected]. $5
June 26
The Blue Savoy Combo
Knights of Columbus Hall 8 p.m.
Jazz and Latin music. Presented by the Huntsville
Swing Dance Society. Swing lesson at 7:15. Adm:
$12; HSDS members: $10; students: $6. Everyone
welcome. There will be a swing workshop ($15)
from 3-5 pm. 3053 Leeman Ferry Road.
(256) 539-8976. www.huntsvilleswingdance.org
June 26
Monkey Cabaret
Flying Monkey Arts Center 10:30 p.m.
Short performances (10 minutes and under)
by local artists of all varieties. Song, dance,
performance art, comedy, music, puppetry, acting,
and more. The emphasis of this show is FUN. $5
21
LISTINGS
[email protected]
VP after a listing means that the wonderful people at that establishment were
kind enough to let us distribute the
VALLEY PLANET there! If you would like
to make your place all that, call us and
we’ll deliver a beautiful VALLEY PLANET
rack pronto! 256-858-6736
EDEN’S EAST
2413-B Jordan Lane, Huntsville, 256-721-9491
Vegetarian fare, M-Thu: 11am-6 pm; Fri: 11am-3pm
FURNITURE FACTORY BAR & GRILL
619 Meridian Street N, Huntsville (just north of
Downtown), 256-539-8001. Live music on the
patio. SEE CALENDAR for details. VP
THE GARLIC PRESS
2699 Sandlin Rd. SW, Decatur, 256-353-0007
GREEN HILLS GRILLE
5100 Sanderson Street NW, Huntsville (corner of
Wynn and University), 256-837-8282. VP
801 FRANKLIN
801 Franklin Street, Huntsville (Downtown by
Medical Center), 256-519-8019. Lunch: M-F 11-2,
Dinner: M-W 5-10 pm & Th-Sa 5 pm-1 am. Lounge
opens 4 pm M-F. Full Bar & Extensive Wine List.
www.801franklin.com VP
LAKE IDA
101 Lindsay Lane S., Athens, 256-232-2330. A
quaint restaurant on the edge of a beautiful,
small lake. Thursday nights feature “Acoustic
Songwriters Showcase.” VP
BEAUREGARD’S (3 Huntsville locations)
1851 University Dr. , 256-512-0074 VP
511 Jordan Lane, 256-837-2433 VP
975 Airport Rd. SW, 256-880-2131 VP
LE BISTRO DU SOLEIL
300 Franklin Street, Huntsville (Downtown on the
Square), 256-539-7777
BISTRO LA LUNA VP
Covenant Cove Lodge & Marina, 7001 Val-Monte
Drive, Guntersville, 256-582-0930. Lunch & Dinner
www.covenantcove.com
CAHOOTS
114 West Market Street, Fayetteville, TN.
931-433-1173. Dine in old jail cells.
CHILI’S (2 Huntsville locations)
4925 University Drive, 256-722-9620 VP
2740 Carl T. Jones, 256-882-1230
COPELAND’S
2004 Airport Road SW, Huntsville
256-650-3131 VP
D&L BISTRO
7500 SW Memorial Pkwy, Huntsville,
256-881-7244, located in Main St. South
Mon-Sat. Lunch & Dinner. VP
7/1/04
H U N T S V I L L E
DECADENCE RESTAURANT & BAR
3131 University Drive, Huntsville, 256-539-2442
Wednesday -Saturday 4pm - Midnight. Live music
Friday & Saturday.
www.theentertainmentcomplexhsv.com VP
THE DOCKS
Goosepond Colony, 417 Ed Hembree,
Scottsboro, (256) 574-3071. Casual Fine Dining
Restaurant & Bar on the banks of the Tennessee
River. Free live entertainment on weekends. VP
JAZZ FACTORY
109 North Side Square, Huntsville (Downtown on
the Square), 256-539-1919. Live Music, Full Bar &
Extensive Wine List.
APPLEBEE’S (2 Huntsville locations)
3028 Memorial Pkwy SW, 256-881-8111
3150 Memorial Pkwy NW, 256-859-4200
302 Hughes Road, Madison, 256-772-3441
2041 Beltline SW, Decatur, 256-340-0114
BENNIGAN’S
1009 Memorial Pkwy, Huntsville, 256-534-6141
Every day is St. Patrick’s Day at Bennigan’s
www.bennigans.com VP
22
HUMPHREY’S BAR & GRILL
109 Washington Street, Huntsville (Downtown,
corner of Washington and Clinton), 256-704-5555.
11 am – 2 am everyday. Live music on the patio
– SEE CALENDAR for complete listing. VP
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 10
#060304062304
LOGAN’S ROADHOUSE (2 Huntsville locations)
4249 Balmoral Drive, Huntsville, 256-881-0584
University Drive NW, Huntsvile VP
MAGNOLIA RESTAURANT
2002 Gunter Ave., Guntersville, 256-582-0150
PAULI’S BAR & GRILL
7143-C Hwy 72 W, Huntsville (corner of Slaughter
Road & Hwy 72), 256-722-2080. Full Bar &
Extensive Wine List. Reservations Suggested.
www.paulisbarandgrill.com VP
PAULI’S CHOPHOUSE
109 Washington Street, Huntsville (Downtown,
corner of Clinton and Washington), 256-7045555. M-Th 5 – 10 pm, F-Sat 5 – 11 pm, Sun 11
am – 2 pm. Full Bar & Extensive Wine Selection.
www.washingtonsq.com/chophouse.htm VP
PILOT HOUSE RESTAURANT
200 South Main St., Tuscumbia, 256-389-9551
Sun-Thur: 11 a.m. - 10 p.m. Fri-Sat: 11 a.m. - 11 p.m.
PRINCETON’S CEDAR MILL GRILLE
Alabama Famous Chicken Tenders, Hickory
Smoked Baby Back Ribs. In the Lounge, LIVE
MUSIC Tu-Fr night, Monday Night Football. VP
TGI FRIDAY’S
4935 University Drive NW, Huntsville
256-830-2793, www.tgifridays.com
TOP O’ THE RIVER
7004 Val-Monte, Guntersville, 256-582-4567
WEST END GRILL
6610 Old Madison Pike, Huntsville, 256-722-8040.
Steaks, chicken and seafood. VP
WILD FLOUR BISTRO
600 Jordan Lane NW, Huntsville (shopping center,
corner of Holmes and Jordan). 256-536-0939. VP
WINGS SPORTS GRILLE
4250 Balmoral Dr. SW, Huntsville, 256-881-8878.
www.wingssportsgrille.com VP
THE VALLEY PLANET
LISTINGS
GREG’S PIT-STOP BBQ
Hwy 231, Park City, TN 931-433-3570, So Tender &
Juicy...No Teeth Required! Dine in or Carry Out.
10 am - 7 pm, Mon - Sat.
MERIDIANVILLE BAR-B-QUE
11537 Hwy. 231N., Meridianville, 256-828-3725
ALABAMA BREAD COMPANY
975 Airport Rd., Huntsville, 256-882-2010.
CAFE DOMAIN
6585 Hwy 431 S, Ste. C, Huntsville, 256-519-2323.
Coffee Hotspot. Specialty coffees, sandwiches,
salads, desserts. VP
ROCKABILLY’S SMOKEHOUSE GRILL
255 Pratt Ave., Huntsville, 256-489-1831 VP
ALABAMA ROADHOUSE VP
COTTON ROW MARKET
109 Washington Street, Huntsville, 256-704-5555.
(breakfast & lunch). www.washingtonsq.com/
cottonrow.htm
BLUE PLATE CAFE VP
3210 Governors Drive, Huntsville, 256-533-8808
GREEN DOOR BOOKS
121 S. Marion St, Athens, 256-216-1005, Books,
Coffee, Music and More. The coolest little book
store in Athens. Live music Friday nights. VP
ROLO’S CAFE
505 Airport Rd., Huntsville, 256-883-7656
JAMO’S CAFÉ
413 Jordan Lane NW, Huntsville, 256-837-7880.
Mediterranean Fare, Sandwiches & Specialty
Coffees. Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner. VP
JAVA JAAY CAFE
1713 6th Ave. SE, Decatur, 256-351-8555.
Espresso, Mocha, Coffee, Freezes, Smoothies,
Sandwiches & Baked goods. M-Th: 6am-6pm. Fri:
6am-7pm. Sat: 8am-2pm. VP
KAFFEEKLATSCH
103 Jefferson Street, Huntsville, 256-536-7993. VP
LAGNIAPPES COFFEE CAFE
119 East Moulton, Decatur
Coffee, Espresso, Bakery & Deli. VP
OLDE TOWNE COFFEE SHOPPE
511 Pratt Ave NE, Huntsville, 256-539-5399 VP
SEATTLE SOUTH
2113 Whitesburg Drive S, Huntsville,(Whitesburg
Medical District), 256-534-0513 VP
THE WILD ROSE CAFE’
121 North Side Square, Huntsville, 256-539-3658
WEST SIDE COFFEE PLACE & CAFE
2699B Sandlin Rd., SW, Decatur, 256-353-2025
PO BOY FACTORY
815 Andrew Jackson Way, Huntsville (in Five
Points) 256-539-3616. VP
TIM’S CAJUN KITCHEN
114 Jordan Lane, Huntsville, 256-533-7589. VP
PAPOU’S
110 South Side Square, Huntsville, 256-534-5553.
BELLACINO’S PIZZA & GRINDERS (2 locations)
4851 Whitesburg Dr, 256-880-8656 VP
8572 Madison Blvd, Madison, 256-774-1918 VP
BIG ED’S PIZZERIA
721 Clinton Avenue, Huntsville, 256-536-2872
McALISTER’S DELI (2 Huntsville locations) VP
4800 Whitesburg Drive S, 256-880-1557 and
1480 Perimeter Pkwy, 256-425-0034. Appetizers,
Salads, Sandwiches, Spuds & Desserts. Kid’s Menu.
COMING SOON!
NEW YORK PIZZA COMPANY
DOWNTOWN HUNTSVILLE
SCHLOTZSKY’S DELI (4 Huntsville locations)
2835 Memorial Pkwy NW, 256-852-4088 VP
4319 University Drive NW, 256-830-6400
3417 Memorial Pkwy SW, 256-881-3354
11120 Memorial Pkwy SW, 256-650-6300
8969 Hwy. 20, Madison, 256-464-5300
STANLIEO’S SUB VILLA (2 Huntsville locations)
605 Jordan Lane, 256-837-7220 VP
602 Governors Drive, 256-536-6585 VP
TERRY’S PIZZA (3 Huntsville locations)
9034 Memorial Pkwy S, 256-881-5987
3612 Governors Dr, 256-536-3389 and
2514 Memorial Pkwy N, 256-539-3467
ZAXBY’S
1025 Memorial Pkwy NW, HSV, 256-551-0122
100 Ivory Pl, Madison, 256-461-0026
BB PERRINS
608 Holly St, NE, Decatur, 256-355-0980
DREAMLAND
3855 University Dr., Huntsville 256-539-7427 VP
GIBSON BARBECUE (3 Huntsville locations)
3319 Memorial Pkwy., Huntsville, 256-881-4851
8412 Whitesburg Drive, Huntsville, 256-882-0841
735 Hwy 72 E, Huntsville, 256-852-9882
1715 6th Ave., SE, Decatur, 256-350-6969
THE VALLEY PLANET
G’S COUNTRY KITCHEN
2501 Oakwood Dr., Huntsville, 256-533-3034
TROTTER’S
3021 Thornton Taylor Pkwy., Fayetteville, TN
(inside Best Western Hotel) 931-433-3871 VP
BANDITO BURRITO (2 locations) VP
3017 Governors Dr SW, Huntsville, 256-534-0866
208 Main St., Madison, 256-461-8999
CASA BLANCA MEXICAN RESTAURANT
(4 locations) VP
7830 Hwy 72 W, Ste 230, Madison 256-864-0360
140 Browns Ferry Rd, Madison 256-464-6044
7900 Bailey Cove Rd, Huntsville 256-883-4447
1802 Hwy 72 E, Ste D, Athens 256-771-0130
EL MARIACHI (3 locations)
14450 Hwy 231/431 N Hazel Green, 256-828-1466
1836 Winchester Road, Huntsville 256-851-7255
7193 Hwy 72 W, Madison, 256-890-0900
EL PALACI
2008 Memorial Pkwy SW, Huntsville 256-539-6075
GUADALAJARA MEXICAN RESTAURANTS
11208 Memorial Pkwy S, Huntsville VP
256-882-7311 &
8572 Madison Blvd, 256-774-1401
LITTLE ROSIE’S TAQUERIA
4781 Whitesburg Dr S, Huntsville, 256-882-0014
QDOBA MEXICAN GRILL
4800 Whitesburg Drive, Huntsville 256-489-1367
ROSIE’S MEXICAN CANTINA
(2 Huntsville locations)
6125 University Drive, 256-922-1001
7540 S. Memorial Pkwy, 256-382-3232
Mon–Sat. Lunch & Dinner.
TIA’S TEX-MEX
2003 Drake Ave. SW, Huntsville, 256-881-6868
ITALIAN PIE
5000 Whitesburg Dr, Huntsville, 256-883-9112
501 Jordan Lane, Huntsville, 256-895-9199 VP
LUCIANO
964 Airport Road SW, Huntsville, 256-885-0505
RICATONI’S ITALIAN GRILL
107 N. Court St., Florence, 256-718-1002
ROMANO’S MACARONI GRILL
5901 University Drive, Huntsville, 256-722-4770
VILLA FIORE VP
11505 S. Memorial Pkwy, Huntsville, 256-881-7746
EDO JAPANESE RESTAURANT
104 N. Intercom Drive, Madison, 256-772-0360
MIKATO JAPANESE STEAK HOUSE & LOUNGE
4061 Independence Dr. NW, Huntsville, (one block
N. of University on Jordan Ln.), 256-830-1700.
MIKAWA RESTAURANT
1010 Heathland Dr, Huntsville, 256-837-7440.
Authentic Japanese Restaurant.
NIKKO JAPANESE RESTAURANT
6565 Hwy. 431, Hampton Cove, 256-536-3690 VP
SHO GUN JAPANESE STEAK & SUSHI BAR
3991 University Drive, Huntsville, 256-534-3000.
Hibachi Tables & Sushi Bar.
SURIN OF THAILAND
975 Airport Rd SW, Huntsville, 256-213-9866
THAI GARDEN RESTAURANT VP
800 Wellman Ave. NE, Huntsville, 256-534-0122
#060304062304
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 10
23
Broken Glass
by Allison Gregg
A
few weeks back, a drinking glass
fell out of my freezer and hit
the ground, sending hundreds of
cobalt blue pieces of glass flying across
the kitchen floor. Rather than cursing
myself for my own clumsiness, I swept
up the pieces and went on about my day.
A few days later, while traipsing through
the kitchen with bare feet, I stepped on a
sliver of glass. Rather than cursing myself
for my lack of housekeeping skills, I
picked the piece of glass up, threw it away
and went on about my day.
After the same scenario played itself out a
few more times, I got down on my hands
and knees and cleaned the kitchen floor
until it was spotless. I was sure all the
pieces were ancient history. Wrong. Much
to my chagrin, I stepped on a piece of
glass the next day. This piece had hidden
itself in the carpet. Out came the vacuum
and up went the last pieces of glass.
“Why am I always cleaning up messes?”
I asked myself. At no other time in my
life have I found a simile while doing
housework.
If glasses are like our hearts, when it
comes to picking up the broken pieces, do
we ever really get them all? Why can’t we
scare out the pieces that are hiding in the
carpet, waiting for an inopportune time to
make themselves known? Can we ever
24
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 10
#060304062304
clean up what we’ve messed up? If all the
king’s men couldn’t fix an egg, what are
our odds when it comes to our hearts?
Remember your first crush? Mine was on
a fellow second grader named Loren, who
was, by far, the cutest thing at our school.
Never mind the fact that I knocked out
his two front teeth, things with Loren just
didn’t work out. That was fine, because
third grade was right around the corner.
When you’re that young, you bounce
back from those letdowns in no time flat.
Let’s fast-forward 23 years and just as
many heartbreaks later. The bounce is
gone. These days it takes a pretty amazing
guy to make me sit up and take notice.
And even when I do, it seems the pieces
of relationships-past wedge themselves
into my brain. Before I have time to get
the tweezers and pull the “glass” out,
I’ve either made a major-league ass out
of myself or scared the guy off. Yes,
knocking Loren’s teeth out two decades
ago was a sign of things to come.
Continued on Next Page
THE VALLEY PLANET
A long time ago, the would-be great
guy came into my life. He’s smart, cute,
well read, a true Southern gentleman and
gainfully employed. Any girl would be
lucky to catch him. Trust me, I would
have tried, but I was far too busy pulling
the glass out of my foot. Rather than
opening up my heart, I created reasons
why the relationship wouldn’t last. He
was sent packing before I even knew what
I was doing.
As I watched him walk out of my life, I
picked up the figurative broom and started
cleaning. I looked at the insecurities, the
inability to commit and a slew of other
issues. My plan of attack was simple:
rather than sweeping them all up at once,
I attacked each on their own.
My friend calls this a Mancott. It’s a
period of your life when you forsake all
others for yourself. You spend weeks,
months cleaning things up. It’s a time
when you take a look at each piece
of glass and put it where it belongs.
Eventually, you’ll come to see that you’ll
never be able to get all the pieces cleaned
up. But now, you know where they’re
hiding. And rather than letting them scare
you, you’re scaring them away.
that whenever a glass breaks, it’s going
to take some serious cleaning to get it all
swept up. But don’t spend too much time
on your knees. As flawed humans, we’re
bound to miss a few things. Unfortunately
for Loren, I wish I had missed when I hit
his face. But if he can pick up his teeth
and move on, what’s to stop us from
doing the same?
Allison Gregg is an
eternal optimist who has
never had it so good.
Email Allison at
allison.gregg@
valleyplanet.com.
Or join us on the
Planet’s forums at
www.valleyplanet.com
If you can’t seem to take time to sweep
up the glass, be patient, call in the
professionals if need be. Worse comes
to worse, buy plastic. Until then, know
LISTINGS
CHINA MOON VP
11700 S Memorial Pkwy, Huntsville, 256-880-2626
Take Out or Eat In. Open 7 days.
Lunch Buffet Mon - Sat.
ALLEN’S GRILLE & GROG
9076 Madison Blvd, Madison, 256-772-8514. VP
BENCHWARMER FOOD & SPIRITS
2998 University Drive, Huntsville 256-539-6268.
Lunch buffet, steaks, sandwiches. Live music, 12 ft.
TV screen, 7 big screens, 22 TVs. NASCAR Sundays,
Dart Tourneys (plastic & steel), Thursdays College
Night w/DJ. Open 7 days 10 am to 2 am. Dinner
nightly. www.benchwarmersportsbar.com. VP
DING HOW II
4800 Whitesburg Dr., Huntsville, 256-880-8883
BILLIARD STREET CAFE’
Pool tables, full menu. VP
JADE PALACE VP
4925 University Drive NW, Huntsville,
256-536-7100
BLACK WATER HATTIE’S
10000 S. Memorial Pkwy. 256-489-3333.
Lunch & Dinner, full bar,great atmosphere. VP
JOY LUCK RESTAURANT VP
3782 University Dr. NW, Huntsville, 256-536-7100
BLUE PARROT MARTINI & CIGAR LOUNGE
7001 Val-Monte Drive, Covenant Cove Resort,
Guntersville, 256-582-0930. Happy Hour,
Tu-Thr 4-7pm. Great drinks and a walk-in
humidor! Live Music, see calendar for details.
www.covenantcove.com/parrot.htm VP
BIERGARTEN CAFÉ VP
3810 Wall Triana Hwy, Madison, 256-772-0511
BOBBY G’S PLACE (2 Huntsville locations)
1009 Henderson Road, 256-837-4728 and 4070
Memorial Pkwy S, 256-880-2590. Steaks, seafood,
chicken and wings. Live music & Karaoke. VP
THE BRICK DELI & TAVERN
209-A 2nd Ave. SE, Decatur
256-355-8318. Live Music VP
DEUTSCHE KUCHE
418 Jordan Lane, Huntsville, 256-534-4807.
Authentic German Foods & Beverages. VP
OL HEIDELBERG CAFÉ
6125 University Drive NW E14 Huntsville,
(shopping center next to Rosie’s), 256-992-0556.
HIBISCUS CARIBBEAN RESTAURANT VP
2105 Mastin Lake Road, Huntsville, 256-851-9262
721
721 Clinton Avenue, Huntsville, 256-534-0721.
ALABAMA ROADHOUSE
Lunch & Dinner. Live Music Thurs-Sat.
THE VALLEY PLANET
KAFFEEKLATSCH BAR
103 Jefferson Street, Huntsville, 256-536-7993.
Live Music nightly. VP
THE DUGOUT SPORTS BAR VP
1550 6th Ave., Decatur, 256-340-0202
THE MAIN OFFICE
Hwy 231/431, Hazel Green, 256-829-9100 VP
EMBER CLUB VP
10131 Memorial Pkwy S, Huntsville, 256-882-1670.
Live Music.
MARTINI’S OF MADISON
Ramada Inn, 8716 Madison Blvd, Madison,
256-772-0701. VP
THE END ZONE
Sandwiches, steaks, and ribs. 22 TVs, 8 Satellites.
Lunch & Dinner every day. VP
MOLLIE TEAL’S VP
99 Jefferson Street, Huntsville, 256-512-5858.
Live entertainment.
FINNEGAN’S PUB
VP
3310 Memorial Pkwy S, Huntsville, 256-881-9732
FURNITURE FACTORY BAR & GRILL
619 Meridian Street N, Huntsville (just north of
Downtown), 256-539-8001. Live music on the
patio. SEE CALENDAR for details. VP
THE GOAL POST
NOW OPEN! 3305 Bob Wallace Ave, Huntsville,
256-489-0055. 11am-2am daily.
HARD DOCK CAFE´
3755 U.S. Hwy. 31, Decatur, 256-340-9234 VP
HALF TIME BAR AND GRILL
8873 Highway 72 W, Madison, 256-430-0266 VP
HOG WILD SALOON VP
BROILER STEAK & SEAFOOD
7908 Memorial Parkway S, Huntsville
256-880-2525. Fri & Sat nights Karaoke.
CHIPS & SALSA CANTINA
10300 Bailey Cove Rd SE Huntsville, 256-880-1202.
Full Mexican menu, dart tournaments. VP
HOOTERS
Wings, seafood and sandwiches. VP
THE CORNER GRILL & PUB
10300 Bailey Cove Road SE, 256-880-2103.
(OPENING SOON)
129-A Old Highway 431,Hampton Cove
Burgers, steaks & sandwiches. Great food, live
entertainment nightly. Great neighborhood
atmosphere. VP
#060304062304
MOODY MONDAYS VP
718 Church St, Huntsville, 256-533-4005
MR. C’s TAVERN
1247 S. Mem Parkway, Huntsville, 256-882-6346.
Thur - Sat. Karoake, Pool Tables & Darts. VP
NEIGHBORHOOD HOT SPOT SPORTS BAR &
CAFE
1407 Jordan Lane, Huntsville, 256-489-5201. VP
OL’ BREWTAHN TAVERN
2704 Johnson Road, Huntsville, 256-880-3714. Live
entertainment. Sunday is NFL & Race Day. VP
OTTER’S
Marriott Hotel, 5 Tranquility Base, Huntsville
256-830-2222. VP
PEANUT FACTORY BAR & GRILL
903 Memorial Pkwy NW, Huntsville, 256-534-7092.
Burgers, sandwiches and steaks. VP
PLANET VINYL
115 Clinton Avenue, Huntsville, 256-533-9071.
Great Dance Party every Saturday night.
ROCKABILLY’S SMOKEHOUSE GRILL
255 Pratt Avenue, Huntsville, 256-489-1831.
BBQ, ribs, chicken & burgers. VP
CLUB MIRAGE
4701 Meridian Street, Huntsville, 256-851-2920.
Chicken, steak, pasta and seafood.
COPPER TOP BAR & GRILL
200 Q Oakwood Ave., Huntsville, 256-536-1150
Formerly Zesto’s in Five Points. Appetizers,
sandwiches & more. Karaoke & Live Music VP
11th FRAME BAR
Madison Bowling Center. 8661 Hwy 72 W, Madison
256-722-0015. Live Music Fri & Sat. VP
THE CROSSROADS VP
721 Clinton Ave, Huntsville, 256-533-3393. Live
Music 7 nights. www.crossroadsmusic.biz
RUGGBY’S
Deli sandwiches, TVs, darts. VP
HUMPHREY’S BAR & GRILL
109 Washington Square, Huntsville, 256-704-5555.
Beef, seafood, sandwiches. Come for the food
– Stay for the Fun. Best Patio in Huntsville. Happy
Hour every day 11 am – 6 pm. Live music every
night, no cover. Open 11 am – 2 am everyday. VP
JEMISON’S EATERY & PUB
350-A Market St. NE, Decatur, 256-351-0300. Open
from 10:30 am Mon-Sat. Sandwiches, Pizza, Salads,
Happy Hour: Mon - Fri, 3 pm - 6:30 pm. VP
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 10
SAMMY T’S MUSIC HALL
116 Washington Street, 256-539-9974.
Best Live Music in Huntsville Thu – Sat. Open
6 pm – 2 am. Now open on Wednesdays.
www.sammytsplace.com VP
THE SHACK
105 Swancott Road, Triana 256-461-0227. The bar
that never closes! Live music Friday & Saturday.
25
LISTINGS
SPORTS PAGE LOUNGE & DELI VP
Plate lunches, deli sandwiches. Live entertainment
THE STATION
8694 Madison Blvd., Madison, 256-325-1333. Live
entertainment. Lunch specials. Happy Hour 3 – 8
pm. Open 7 days a week 11 am – 2 am. VP
HOME SCHEDULE
JUNE 2004
CHATTANOOGA
LOOKOUTS
JUNE 4, 7:05
Fireworks Friday
JUNE 5, 7:05
Lynn Layton Chevrolet
Baseball Giveaway
JUNE 6, 2:05
JUNE 7, 7:05
BIRMINGHAM
BARONS
JUNE 8, 7:05
Redstone Federal Credit
Union Night
JUNE 9, 12:05
JUNE 10, 7:05
JUNE 11, 7:05
TENNESSEE
SMOKIES
JUNE 23, 7:05
JUNE 24, 7:05
JUNE 25, 7:05
STEVE’S BILLIARDS & LOUNGE
2322 Memorial Pkwy, Huntsville, 256-539-8919.
TABU
7200 Governors West, Huntsville, 256-830-1233.
www.theentertainmentcomplexhsv.com
TAVERN UNDER THE SQUARE
110 South Side Square, Huntsville, 256-534-3033.
Open Mon–Fri 3:30 pm – 2 am, Saturday & Sunday
5 pm – 2 am. Live music Tue–Sun. VP
T-BIRDS CAFE
1792 Hwy. 72 East, Huntsville, 256-852-9191.
Wings, burgers, live music, karaoke, team trivia. VP
SIGNATURE GALLERY
2364 Whitesburg Drive S, Huntsville,
256-536-1960. VP
TWO FEATHERS NATIVE AMERICAN GALLERY
7529-A S. Memorial Pkwy, Huntsville, 256-8820078. Native American Arts & Gifts. “Walking the
Path of our People” VP
UNIVERSITY CENTER ART GALLERY
University of Alabama in Huntsville, 256-824-1000
UPTOWN GALLERY
1220 South Memorial Parkway, Huntsville VP
256-880-2044. Custom framing, fine art, digital
imaging & photography. www.uptowngallery.com
WHITNEY DAVIDSON GALLERY
501 Church Street NW, Huntsville, 256-539-0063
WILLIS GRAY GALLERY
211 B Second Ave. SE, Decatur, 256-355-7616 VP
ALABAMA CONSTITUTION VILLAGE
109 Gates Ave., Huntsville, 256-564-8100. Open
daily, 9 am - 5 pm, except Sundays.
TIP TOP CAFÉ
123 1/2 Maple Street, Huntsville, 256-533-1527.
Karaoke and Pool tourney. VP
BURRITT ON THE MOUNTAIN: A LIVING
MUSEUM
3101 Burritt Drive SE, Huntsville, 256-536-2882.
Summer Hours (April - Oct): Tues- Sat 9am to 5pm
Sun noon to 5 pm. Regular Adm. fee is $5 adult,
$4 senior, military & students, $3 child (children
under 2, free). www.burrittmuseum.com
TUNES ULTIMATE KARAOKE BAR VP
UPSCALE
2021 Golf Rd, Huntsville, 256-881-8820
Dining & entertainment complex. Huntsville’s only
open-minded night spot. www.clubupscale.com
WINGS SPORTS GRILLE
4250 Balmoral Dr. SW, Huntsville, 256-881-8878.
www.wingssportsgrille.com VP
AMERICAN INDIAN MUSEUM
2003 Poole Drive NW, Huntsville, 256-852-4524.
www.american-indian-museum.com
CHANNEL CATS
700 Monroe St., Von Braun Civic Center, Huntsville,
256-533-1953, Professional hockey, Atlantic Coast
Hockey League
CLAY HOUSE MUSEUM
16 Main Street, Madison 256-325-1018. Tour this
antebellum home with “A Walk Through Time”, 100
years of decorative style from 1850 - 1950 featuring Noritake Porcelain.
5 POINTS GALLERY
401 Pratt Ave. NE, 256-539-9658
Tues-Fri 10am-6pm, Sat 10am-5pm. Featuring
original art by local/regional artists, handmade
jewelry, antiques, prints and custom framing. VP
COVENANT COVE RESORT & MARINA
7001 Val-Monte Drive, Guntersville
256-582-1000 or 888-288-COVE. Home of Blue
Parrot Martini & Cigar Lounge, Bistro La Luna &
Wake Factory. www.covenantcove.com VP
801 FRANKLIN
801 Franklin Street, Huntsville, (Downtown by
Medical Center), 256-519-8019. Dine with fine art.
www.801franklin.com. VP
EARLYWORKS MUSEUM COMPLEX
404 Madison Street SE, Huntsville, 256-564-8100.
ARTISTIC IMAGES
2115 Whitesburg Drive, Huntsville, 256-534-3968.
www.artisticimagesgallery.com VP
CAROLE FORET FINE ART
206 West Market St., Downtown Square, Athens
256-232-2521. www.caroleforet.com VP
DRAGONFLY GALLERY & DESIGN
125 Main Ave. S., Fayetteville, TN, 931-433-3024
HUNTSVILLE ART LEAGUE GALLERY
3005 L&N Drive, Suite 2, Huntsville, 256-534-3860.
Monday-Saturday 10 am - 6 pm; Sunday 1-4 pm.
www.huntsvilleartleague.org. VP
HUNTSVILLE MUSEUM OF ART
300 Church Street So. in Big Spring International
Park, Huntsville. Gen. admission fee is $7 for nonmembers. Discounts for seniors over 60, military,
students with a valid ID, and groups of 10 or more.
Admission is half-price for non-members on Thurs
nights. Members & children <6 free. Hours 1-5pm.
Sunday; 10am-5pm. Mon-Sat; extended hours on
Th 5-8 pm. Call 256-535-4350 or 1-800-786-9095,
or visit www.hsvmuseum.org. VP
LADAGE ARTISTRY
321 S. Jefferson, Athens,256-216-0039. Original
artwork by national artisits. Tue-Sat, 9 am-7 pm.
http://ladage.dews.net. VP
MERIDIAN ARTS (2 locations)
305-A Jefferson Street, Huntsville, 256-534-7475.
M-F: 10 am – 6 pm, Sat: 10 am – 4pm; and
370 Little Cove Road, Gurley, AL, 256-7764300. Tu-F: 10 am – 6 pm, Sat: 10 am – 4 pm.
www.Meridianarts.net. VP
MONDO DE TATUAGE GALLERY
Corner of 6th Ave. and 7th St., Decatur
256-306-9099. Fine art with a lowbrow twist. Features original works and prints by local, regional
and national artists, with a slant toward tattoorelated works and fine art created by tattoo artists.
26
MVAC FINE ARTS GALLERY
300 Gunter Ave.,Guntersville, 256-582-1454.
Hours: Mon-Fri 9-4, Sat 10-3.
http://mountainvalleyartscouncil.org VP
3RD BASE GRILL
Great Food for Lunch and Dinner. Mondays $0.25
Wings, Tuesday Trivia, Live Music on Wednesday
& Thursday. Open Mic on Sunday w/Dart
Tournaments. Open 11 pm – 2 am, Mon–Sat, open
at noon on Sundays. VP
ATHENS ST. STUDENT UNION ART GALLERY
300 N. Beaty St., Athens, Athens State University,
800-522-0272 VP
www.huntsvillestars.com
Submission inquiries welcome. Open Noon till 10
p.m., Tue-Sat. Located inside Ink City Tattoo. VP
HARRISON BROTHERS HARDWARE
124 Southside Square, Huntsville, 256-536-3631.
Alabama’s oldest hardware store.
HUNTSVILLE BOTANICAL GARDEN
4747 Bob Wallace Avenue, Huntsville,
256-830-4447. The 110-acre garden is open yearround. Summer Hours, Memorial Day through
Labor Day: M-Sat, 9am-8pm; Sun, 1–8pm. $8
Adults, $6 Senior or Military, $3 Children ages 318.www.hsvbg.org.
HUNTSVILLE FLIGHT
700 Monroe St., Von Braun Civic Center, Huntsville,
256-533-1953. National Basketball Development
League
HUNTSVILLE STARS
Joe W. Davis Stadium, 3125 Leeman Ferry Rd,
Huntsville, 256-882-2562.
GORHAM’S BLUFF
Pisgah, 256-451-ARTS. The Gorham’s Bluff
Institute is a non-profit organization dedicated to
providing arts and cultural activities to Jackson
County and Northeast Alabama.
THE LAND TRUST TRAILS
Bankhead Pkwy., Huntsville, 256-534-LAND
Year-round hiking on 547 acres of Monte Sano
preserve. www.landtrust-hsv.org
MONTE SANO STATE PARK
5015 Nolen Ave., Huntsville, 256-534-3757
SCI-QUEST
102-D Wynn Drive, Huntsville, 256-837-0606.
An exciting hands-on science center.
www.sci-quest.org
TENNESSEE VALLEY VIPERS
Arena Football, American Conference Southern
Division Champs. 700 Monroe St, Huntsville, VBC,
256-551-3240. www.vipersaf2.com
THREE CAVES
Directions: Off California St., turn onto Hermitage,
left onto Kennemer Dr. Call The Land Trust at (256)
534-5263 to reserve your spot on a public cave
tour or to arrange a private tour for your group.
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 10
US SPACE & ROCKET CENTER
1 Tranquility Base, Huntsville, 256-837-3400. Open
9am-5pm year round except for Thanksgiving,
Christmas Eve and Day, and New Year’s Eve and
Day. Admissions: Museum only – Adults $12 &
Child 3-12 $8, www.spacecamp.com
THE WEEDEN HOUSE
300 Gates Avenue SE, Huntsville, 256-536-7718
VON BRAUN CENTER
700 Monroe St. Huntsville, 256-533-1953. Check
calendar for events. www.vonbrauncenter.com VP
BROADWAY THEATRE LEAGUE
700 Monroe St. Suite 410, Huntsville
(all performances held at Von Braun Center)
256-518-6155. www.btleague.org
FANTASY PLAYHOUSE CHILDREN’S THEATRE
3312 Long Avenue SW, Huntsville, 256-539-6829
FLYING MONKEY ARTS CENTER
1230 Putman Drive, Huntsville, 256-489-7000
Flying Monkey Arts Center is a not for profit
community arts collective that encourages,
supports and promotes the arts.
www.flyingmonkeyarts.org VP
HUNTSVILLE BALLET COMPANY
800 Regal Drive SW, Huntsville, 256-539-0961
HUNTSVILLE COMMUNITY CHORUS
3312 Long Avenue, Fantasy Arts Center, Huntsville,
256-533-6606
HUNTSVILLE SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA
North Side Von Braun Center, Huntsville
256-539-4818.
LOWE MILL
2211 Seminole Dr., Huntsville, Art, Music, Film and
Poetry. See Calendar for Event Dates
RENAISSANCE THEATRE AT LINCOLN CENTER
1214 Meridian Street N, Huntsville, 256-536-3434.
www.renaissancetheatre.net
THEATRE HUNTSVILLE
Business Office. 1701 University Dr, Suite 1,
Huntsville, 256-536-0807. www.theatrehsv.org.
CARMIKE CINEMAS
1359 Old Monrovia Road, Huntsville,
256-430-0770. VP
607 Fourteenth Street, Decatur, 256-350-0935
www.carmike.com. VP
MADISON BOWLING CENTER
8661 Hwy 72 W, Madison, 256-722-0015. VP
5 POINTS BEVERAGE
805 Wellman Ave, Huntsville, 256-536-8751. Wine,
Imported Beer, Adult Magazines. VP
ACME DATING
Meet North Alabama Singles
256-382-6072
ALBANY FRAMING
211 B Second Ave. SE, Suite B, Decatur
256-355-7226 VP
BARNES & NOBLE BOOKSELLERS
5850 University Dr, 256-864-2090 and
2750 Carl T Jones SE, 256-885-0501 VP
THE BIG TEASE Hair and Tanning Salons
11203 Memorial Pkwy. Huntsville, 256-882-7419
401 #1 Hughes Rd, Madison, 256-464-5321 VP
CALLIE ALLIE’S
2358 Whitesburg Drive S, Huntsville VP
256-536-7467. Home Design, Accessories & Gifts.
CASUAL CORNER/AUGUST MAX/
PETITE SOPHISTICATE
2801 Memorial Pkwy S, Huntsville. 256-533-0980
JULIA CARTER
Licensed Massage Therapist. Huntsville,
By appointment. 256-536-2164.
CHANDLER WHETHAM SALON & DAY SPA
7900 Bailey Cove Road, Ste. 7A, Huntsville
256-881-9573, 256-881-4980 VP
COTTAGE CRAFTS, FRAMES, INC.
10300 Bailey Cove Road., Suite 12, Huntsville
256-880-8059
DISCOUNT JEWELRY & REPAIR
11203 Memorial Pkwy SW, Huntsville,
256-882-7409.
THE DREAM MAKER
11220 S. Memorial Pkwy, Huntsville, 256-883-8446.
Promoting Harmony & Health through Nature. VP
THE FRET SHOP
309 Jordan Lane, Huntsville, 256-430-4729. Guitar,
Banjo, Mandolin, Sales, Instruction and Repair.
www.thefretshop.com. VP
#060304062304
THE VALLEY PLANET
Ask Uncle Flabby
Ask Uncle Flabby is an advice column. Uncle Flabby is your friend, but Uncle Flabby’s advice
should be taken for what it is, advice, no more, no less. Please thank Uncle Flabby when his advice is
good. But if his advice should not be so good, remember, Uncle Flabby wrote this and he is solely to
blame. By the way, this column is for entertainment purposes only, if you couldn’t tell.
Well, I’m back from my mandatory vacation. Let me tell you, it wasn’t fun. Sitting up every
night crying because the people of Alabama apparently don’t need me is not a way to spend
two weeks in Tahiti. By the end, I had convinced myself that it was all in my head, that I
am needed and loved, and that as soon as I returned to my post (assuming “Milton” — like
that’s his real name — hadn’t found a replacement for me) I would find piles of letters, gifts
and money just waiting to assure me of my readers’ love and their twisted personal lives.
Now, I am sitting up nights, crying again.
That’s not to say no one responded to “Milton’s” notice that I lacked letters. One person
did — and two came in between the time “Milton” kicked me to the curb and the last issue
came out. And that makes it worthwhile. If I can help just one person, change just one life
for the better, save one poodle from early death, it is all worth it. I can die knowing that I
touched a fellow traveler in a way only an Uncle Flabby could.
So, here we go again. One question from you, dear readers, one from “Milton” and some
advice from me.
COME ON KIDS!
I AM ASKING NICE! WE NEED UNCLE FLABBY QUESTIONS OR WE
WILL NO LONGER BE GRACED WITH HIS SUPREME INTELLECT AND
WISDOM! SEND IN A QUESTION TODAY!
Betty, he is being a jerk. He knows your concerns, and he is disregarding them. Either he is
messing around with these women, or he is enjoying the torment it is causing you to be kept
in the dark.
Like I said at first, one size doesn’t fit all in relationships. However, relationships have to
fit both people, or they are going to create nasty, oozing blisters of resentment. This one
doesn’t fit you, even though it seems to fit him just fine. He is being selfish. Betty, he needs to
change, or you need to leave.
Best of luck, Betty,
UF
Dear Uncle Flabby,
We’ve spent the last year putting together a newspaper that has become very popular
around north Alabama. 10,000 papers are picked up every two weeks. We know people
appreciate what we are doing because they go out of their way to tell us every day. Why
can’t we convince local businesses that their advertising dollar is well spent with the
Planet? What’s a guy to do?
Milton
Dear Uncle Flabby,
Dear “Milton,”
I read your column each publication and appreciate the advice you give to others. I have
my own issue and I’d like your opinion.
I was going to say, “Skip an issue. Show them what they’re missing while you vacation in
Tahiti. They’ll come advertising in droves.” But, we all know how well that worked for me
…
I have been dating this man for a couple of years who is very handsome and very friendly
to everyone. He is in his 40s, never married and no children (to his knowledge). When we
started dating, I correctly assumed he had dated many women over the years. During
the course of getting to know each other, I noticed he receives a lot of phone calls from
other women. He says they are just friends, but is not willing to tell me their names or
anything else about their “friendships.” He has one woman in particular that he talks to
daily. They often meet for lunch, or she brings lunch to his worksite. She does chores for
him, runs errands for him and occasionally brings an entire meal to his house. She writes
him letters about how she is there for him (which he generalizes as standard friendship
activity). She is well aware he and I are dating. When I am around, she sometimes avoids
me. He insists nothing is going on. I find this difficult to believe. By the way, she is married
to a good friend of his — so them being around each other often is not odd. Together, he
and I don’t socialize with them much. And, this is just one example.
How about begging? How about one issue where all the advertising is holographic? How
about free sex?
Good luck, “Milton,”
UF
I’m not really the overly “jealous type” woman. I believe it is OK to have friendships with
the opposite sex. I just find his friendships to be inappropriate, especially if he does not
open them up to the woman he says he loves. Some of his other friends are married, and
he seems unconcerned for the spouses’ dislike of their friendships.
DISCUSS UNCLE FLABBY
OR ANYTHING ELSE ON
THE PLANET’S FORUMS AT
I know I am not stupid, but does any of this seem reasonable to you?
Yours truly,
Getting Too Old for These Games
Dear Betty,
I am imagining you as a “Betty.”
Betty, there are no hard and true answers to any relationship question. All relationships are
different, just as all people are different. That is why books on dating found in your local
Book Barn are generally full of crap. One size does not fit all, Betty.
When two people get together, they hash out their own boundaries over time. Will they
always go out together? Are “boys nights out” off-limits for discussion? Can one be friends
with the opposite sex in secretive, rude and self-centered ways?
Betty, I think your answer to that last question is “no.” For you to be in a relationship with
a man, you need to know the details of his relationships with other women. And that is fully
your right. In fact, I bet most women would agree with you. Heck, I agree with you. You
make it clear you do not mind him having female friends. Good for you. A lot of women
would not even allow that. However, you draw the line at secretive friendships. Perfectly
reasonable. Perfectly sane. And, unless there is something going on he doesn’t want you to
know about, perfectly easy for him to accept and comply with.
You are as big a part of this relationship as he is. You have given him plenty of room over
the last two years to make you comfortable with his female friends. He hasn’t. He has kept
you in the dark and forced YOU to feel guilty for wondering and worrying about something
HE is doing.
Ask Uncle Flabby is not a syndicated national column that we bought. Uncle
Flabby is right here and works for the Planet. Uncle Flabby needs your questions
or he might just lose his job. Please email Uncle Flabby your questions at:
[email protected] or write to:
Uncle Flabby, PO Box 335, Meridianville, AL 35759.
THE VALLEY PLANET
#060304062304
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 10
27
Help Change Alabama’s
Flawed Constitution
An editorial by William A. Giardini, with additions from the Alabama
Citizens for Constitutional Reform website, re-edited by
Randy Van Nostrand.
The Alabama Citizens for Constitutional
Reform want you to know that the present
day Constitution of Alabama is defective
and causes an unacceptable burden to
citizens of this state.
The preamble (written 129 years ago)
to the enabling legislation for 1875
Constitutional Convention said:
“The experience of more than six years
has shown that the present Constitution
of Alabama is grievously defective and
operates to the injury of the good people
of this State. It burdens to their industry
and restrains the prosperity which
they might obtain under the influence
of a better devised Constitution. The
amendments to be desired are numerous,
and can not be obtained by proposing
them to the people for a direct vote, but
require careful deliberation by delegates
selected for that purpose, so that a
harmonious system of government may
be devised, consistent in all its parts, and
suited to the wants and circumstances of
the people of Alabama.”
More than a century after its framers
drafted the constitution, it continues to
do what they intended. It concentrates
power in Montgomery, keeps taxes low
and funding for social services minuscule
and, above all, maintains the status quo.
I’m convinced that we cannot achieve
significant advances in economic wellbeing and social justice until we get a
good constitution as the foundation of our
state government.
The hullabaloo over the failure of
Amendment 1 and Governor Riley’s
efforts to get stepped changes to the
constitution have overshadowed the
grassroots efforts of Alabama Citizens for
Constitutional Reform to get a convention
and a rewrite of the constitution.
However, the September 2003 vote did
highlight the 30 percent of voters in this
state who support reform. We believe that
more of the electorate will want to see a
new constitution if the facts are presented
to them.
To those who say, “How can we be sure
the same special interest groups that
now control the state will not stack the
convention and control it?” I say, “What
can we lose!”
About the worst-case scenario I can see
would be that we get a new constitution
that is basically the same as what we have
now. We would at least have a document
that is refined. It would remove the racist
language and issues that have been voided
by the courts and the federal government.
And, it would eliminate most of the 744
amendments that range from silly to
downright evil, including poll taxes and
literacy requirements that were designed
to keep poor whites and blacks from
voting. Some of those are shown below:
28
LISTINGS
GARDEN COVE PRODUCE CENTER
628 Meridian St., Huntsville, 256-534-2683 or
888-615-8657. Fresh produce delivered year
round. www.gardencoveproduce.com
“A ban on any marriage between any
white person and a negro, or descendant
of a negro.”
“No self-rule for counties, forcing them to
go to the Legislature to pass laws.”
Critics of this reform say that allowing
convention delegates to make changes
puts the “fox in charge of the henhouse.”
They worry that it might lead to legalized
gambling and higher taxes. As things are
now, raising sales taxes requires no voter
approval.
On the other hand, public-minded, elected
citizen delegates might prevail, giving us
a model constitution and doing important
things like eliminating earmarked funds
for education. That would calm the battle
between the Education and General Fund
Budgets (for details of this, see the web
link below).
The Judicial Articles revised in 1973,
under the leadership of Howell Heflin,
then chief justice of the Alabama
Supreme Court, prove we can do it.
Alabama’s courts had been a hodgepodge,
with different forms and rules in different
counties, haphazard record-keeping and
some judges who had never studied
law. Constitutional reform has meant a
unified court system, standardized rules
and procedures, greatly improved recordkeeping, an end to non-lawyer judges in
state courts other than probate court, and
increased efficiency in clearing civil and
criminal cases. Because of this reform
action, Alabama has actually been a
model for some other states looking to
change their court systems.
I urge those of you who are truly interested
in Alabama’s future to join our group, the
Alabama Citizens for Constitutional
Reform. We want to obtain at least 20,000
signatures on a petition requesting that
the elected officials of Alabama do what
is necessary to establish a Constitutional
Reform Convention of delegates “elected
from the people.” Show you care — add
your signature!
For more information, check our website,
www.constitutionalreform.org.
Read Bill Giardini’s article about his work
with Habitat for Humanity in the Valley
Planet Archives at www.valleyplanet.com.
He can be contacted at (256) 539-0973
or write him at 766 Dug Hill Road,
Brownsboro, AL 35741.
PROFESSIONAL REVISIONS
1100 Jordan Lane, Suite D, Huntsville,
256-519-3555. Credit counseling and resume
services. www.professionalrevisions.com
QUEST PERSONALS
256-704-1100. Call, Click, Connect
www.questpersonals.com
RAILROAD BAZAAR (5 locations) VP
200 Oakwood Ave., Huntsville,256-536-1222
7950 Hwy. 72 W, Madison, 256-721-9303
936 US Hwy. 72, Athens, 256-216-9383
1801 Beltline, Decatur, 256-353-8121
“The legislature shall pass such penal
laws as it may deem expedient to suppress
the evil practice of dueling.”
“A prohibition on spending state dollars
on internal improvements such as roads
and bridges. “
PRO FITNESS
714 Madison St, Huntsville, 256-489-4348
The largest personal training studio in North
Alabama. www.profitness-anytime.com VP
GARDEN OF HEALTH
Slender quest body wraps, auricular therapy, relaxation & therapeutic massage, herbal & nutritional
supplements, bath & body products.
GREEN DOOR BOOKS
121 South Marion Street, Athens, 256-216-1005
Books, Coffee, Music & More. VP
HDK ENTERTAINMENT
North Alabama & Southern TN Premier Mobile
DJ/Karaoke Service. 256-509-2498
HAVEN: COMICS, ETC.
7185-H Highway 72 W., Madison, 256-430-0505
www.havencomics.com VP
HIT VIDEOS & COLLECTIBLES
515 Jordan Lane, Huntsville, 256-830-6654 VP
HOT ROD TATTOOS
310 Governors Dr SW, Huntsville, 256-534-0221 VP
HUMIDOR PIPE SHOP
Cigars, Pipes, Pipe Tobacco, Lighters, Accessories,
Pipe Repair. M-F 10-6.
www.humidorpipeshop.com VP
INK CITY TATTOOS
Corner of 6th Ave. and 7th St., Decatur, 256-3069099. Expert Tattooing, Exotic Piercing, Body
Jewelry, Tattoo Collectibles. Fall/Winter Hours:
Noon-10 pm. Tues-Sat. www.inkcitytattoo.com VP
INTERIOR MARKETPLACE
Hwy. 431, Hampton Cove, Huntsville,
256-539-9113 VP
IT’S JUST LUNCH
256-519-3600. Dating for Busy Professionals
LADAGE ARTISTRY
321 S. Jefferson, Athens,256-216-0039.
Hair Salon, Day Spa & Art Boutique. Tue-Sat,
9 am-7 pm. http://ladage.dews.net VP
MAC RESOURCE
1570 The Boardwalk, Huntsville, 256-721-1700.
Apple Computer Specialist.
www.macresource-al.com
MAIN STREET SOUTH
7500 Memorial Pkwy SW, Huntsville. Pick up the
Valley Planet inside, under the clock tower. VP
NAUGHTY & SPICE
7914 S. Memorial Pkwy, Ste E-14, Huntsville (The
Village Center), 256-880-4884. We cater to all your
romance needs.
NEW HORIZONS COMPUTER
LEARNING CENTER
620 Discovery Dr, Huntsville, 256-722-0211.
www.newhorizons.com
NONESUCH GIFTS
804 Wellman in 5 Points, Huntsville. A gift shop for
open-minded people. Celebrating the diversity of
cultures and lifestyles. www.nonesuchgifts.com
VP
RED JASPER SPA
211 A 2nd Ave. SE, Decatur, 256-584-0027
www.redjasperspa.com VP
RED LIGHT VIDEO VP
2900-E Triana Blvd. Huntsville. Huntsville’s newest
“All Ratings” Superstore. VHS, DVD, Novelties,
Magazines. 256-536-0482
RELAX 2 O
Madison Square Mall (256) 830-2877
Aqua Massage, Oxygen Bar. www.relax2o.com
ROBBINS MUSIC CENTER
2810 Bob Wallace Ave, Huntsville, 256-539-2474
1-800-569-6718. Mon-Sat 10-6, All instruments. All
lessons. www.robinsmusic.com VP
RUSTY STRING GUITARS
820 Bradley St., Decatur, 256-355-6011.
Specializing in used Guitars & Amps, Drumsets.
Only Hamer Dealer in North Alabama. VP
SALON SALON
7525-A S. Memorial Pkwy, Huntsville
256-880-2466. Waxing & Facials, Hair, Nails
(manicures & pedicures), Tanning, Full Retail
Center. M-F 9-5, Sat 9-1. VP
SHAVER’S BOOK STORE
2362 Whitesburg Dr, Huntsville, 256-536-1604 VP
SHERWOOD VIDEO VP
6210 Old Madison Pike, Huntsville, 256-830-0510
SMOKIN LEATHER
7845 Hwy. 72 W, Madison, 256-325-7433
For the real biker. Road Gear, Street Wear, Chrome
and Accessories. www.smokinleather.com VP
SOBE COUTURE
7500 Memorial Pkwy. S., Main St. S. Shopping
Center, Huntsville, 256-880-0970. VP
SOUND ON WHEELS
2807 University Dr., Huntsville, 256-533-9422 VP
SOUTHERLAND’S PHOTO
2357 Whitesburg Dr., Huntsville, 256-539-9627.
Black & White Photo Lab Services. Digital Photo
Restoration.
STRINGS ‘N’ BRASS
409 Pratt Ave, Huntsville, (across from Sonic)
256-533-9088. www.stringsnbrass.com VP
SUNBURST RECORDS
4001 Holmes Ave., Huntsville 256-830-8079 VP
TABETHA’S PLAYHOUSE VP
7900 Bailey Cove Road, Suite 44, Huntsville
256-883-6483. Children’s Clothing, Gifts. Featuring
Wimsy Wear.
TERRAMÉ DAY SPA & SALON
2115 Cecil Ashburn Drive, Huntsville, 256-3193003. Facials, Professional Makeup Services,
Massage Therapy, Aromatherapy Massage,
Hydrotherapy, Hair Salon, Nails, Waxing, The
Gentleman’s Club. www.terrame.com VP
PATTY’S HEARSE
A Formal Party Coach for Hire. Huntsville,
256-457-6278. email [email protected].
WAKE FACTORY
7001 Val-Monte Drive, Covenant Cove Marina,
Guntersville, 256-582-1384. North Alabama’s premier board shop, offering wakeboard clinics and
demo days. www.wakefactory.com VP
PAULI’S GOURMET FOOD & WINE CO.
7143-D Hwy. 72 W, Huntsville, 256-722-0071 VP
PEARLY GATES NATURAL FOODS
2308 Memorial Pkwy., Huntsville, 256-534-6233
WEST STATION ANTIQUES
112 Main Street, Madison, 256-772-0373.
565 to Exit 8 - Exit North to Main Street.
Hours: Tues-Sat 10-5. VP
PERMANENT COSMETIC MAKE-UP CENTER
Hwy 31 N, Hartselle, 256-621-0299
PHOENIX EMERGENCY CARE
Marshall B. Plotka, MD, MPP, FAAEM
7105-B Bailey Creek Circle, Huntsville
256-882-7469
PLEASURES (2 locations)
4925 University Dr NW, Huntsville, 256-830-0069
14th & Central Pkwy, Decatur, 256-584-0069. One
stop romance shop. www.mypleasurestore.com
PRISM SPORTS THERAPY VP
4715 Whitesburg Drive, Huntsville, 256-880-7776
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 10
#060304062304
THE VALLEY PLANET
Adventures of a Yankee Down South
by Karen Bertiger
by Jim Zielinski
Beware: New Yorker
Behind the Wheel
D
I
riving scares the hell out of me.
Most people who say that mean
other people’s driving scares
them. And they are very likely justified
in their opinion, since chances are it’s me
they’re afraid of.
more attention to his conversation than
to staying in his lane. I am proud to say
that at least I am not one of those people.
Although, not due to principle so much as
inability to do anything, other than drive,
while driving.
I lived in New York for six years, where
owning a car is not only unnecessary, it’s
an inconvenience. Cars require their own
rent in Manhattan. They take up enough
space in a garage to make a small studio
apartment. And we all know how much a
studio apartment in Manhattan costs. If
you don’t already know, I’m not going to
tell you. I don’t want to be responsible for
your heart attack.
Besides cell phones, another drastic
change since I was last on the road is the
size of the typical vehicle. Not so long
ago, we were content to drive about in cars
that could only seat our immediate family.
Now I am competing for road space with
automobiles that rival the New York City
cross-town bus in size. And was some law
passed while I was happily partaking of
public transportation that states the larger
your vehicle, the fewer rules of the road
apply to you? Just because you can run
over my car with yours doesn’t mean you
should. Although, if I’m honest, I have to
admit I am often asking for it.
When I first moved to New York, it
took me about a month to get used to
not having a car. And then I loved it.
No unexpected breakdowns or insurance
headaches. No more dealing with sleazy
mechanics who could convince me that
because the windshield wiper wasn’t
working the entire engine would need to
be replaced.
I have now reentered the world of carownership. I have been back for six
months and have officially established
myself as a local menace. The woman
holding up a line of traffic going 25 mph?
That was me. The idiot who drove in the
exit and out the entrance, causing you to
swerve in terror? Oops, sorry. The clearly
unstable driver who realized, too late, the
right lane was merging, panicked, came to
a complete stop and burst into tears? Yep.
Me again.
I have learned to compensate for my
ineptitude in several ways. I do not drive
at night. I do not drive when it is raining.
I do not drive when it is windy. I do not
drive unless I know exactly where I am
going, and even then I am extremely
tense. And I certainly do not drive with
anybody else in the car because the
distraction could be fatal.
I do drive enough, however, to be
annoyed by the new breed of multitasker,
the Cell Phone Driver (joining the
prestigious ranks of more ancient threats
such as the Map Reading Driver and the
Lipstick Applying Driver). I think I am a
member of the majority here. We’ve all
been cut off in traffic by a moron paying
THE VALLEY PLANET
Luckily, people seem to be very
understanding of my learning curve, since
the favored manner of pointing out my
mistakes would tend to be a lot of loud,
startling
honking
likely to result
in further traffic
violations on my
part.
Considering
I am used to New
Yorkers honking at
you whether or not
you are actually
doing
anything
wrong, I find this
town
amazingly
indulgent.
For
example, I once
watched a car wait
a full 15 seconds
before realizing the light was green, and
not one car behind her honked!
OK, that was actually me. I was trying
to figure out how to change the radio
station. I wasn’t terribly successful. But
on the bright side, I discovered the hazard
lights, which I suspect will come in pretty
handy.
So, since there’s a good chance I’ve cut
you off or otherwise annoyed you on
the road, and because it is my intention
to make more friends than enemies in
my new town, let me use this column to
just say: sorry. I really appreciate your
patience, and I won’t take it personally
if you feel inclined to give me the finger.
And thanks for not honking.
Karen Bertiger is a transplanted New Yorker in a
Huntsville state of mind.
#060304062304
The Saloonkeeper’s Daughter
t’s back — the Huntsville Community
Chorus’ popular annual Melodrama
Dinner Theater combo … and with
it, the return of one of the area’s favorite
old-time mellerdrammers, Jack Sharkey
and Dave Resier’s “The Saloonkeeper’s
Daughter”!
When Twickenham Repertory Company
staged this relatively unknown musicale
back in 1986, the tickets went like
hotcakes, shows sold out and many a
tearful horde was turned away at the
door of the Von Braun “no-longer-Civic”
Center Playhouse. Who knew how
infectious the laughter would be?
With this in mind, a jigger of
“Saloonkeeper’s” is just the tonic for
HCCA’s Dinner Theater series. Although
these shows are always season extras, they
have nevertheless been sellouts, with last
May’s hit, “The Great Ice Cream Scheme
(or ‘Robin Baskins to the Rescue’),” the
latest double-scoop of fun. Audiences
have told HCCA they want more, and this
band of cowpokes and barflies is ready,
willing and somewhat comparatively
able … in between songs and snifters of
rotgut.
“Saloonkeeper’s” pits the evil Mannly
Rasch (Anthony “Snidely” Balch, back
after nearly two decades in his signature
role of the moustache-twirling scoundrel)
against the family, friends and moral fiber
of stalwart bar-owner Red White (Jim
Phillips).
Alas, alas, alas! Bad ol’ Mannly has his
sights set on Red’s virtuous daughter, Lily
White (Melissa Suhs); the lead dancehall
gal, Cinnamon Hickey (Linda Meigs);
and the somewhat-virtuous daughter
of kindly Parson Kindly (Fred Tamm
Daniels), Miss Charity Kindly (Lindsey
Giambrone). He threatens to foreclose
on the saloon, ruin the lives of all and
sundry, and is generally quite the dastard.
Never mind that Red’s weak and wishywashy son, Blacky White (Kevin
O’Brian) is back to “help.” Never mind
that Lily’s pure heart beats only for
Rusty Witts (David Thornton), “the
nicest cowboy in the West.” Never mind
that Sally Forth (Sherry Larkin) and
Molly Bolt (Micki Lighthall) have their
combined feminine wiles at their disposal,
and Grimy Geezer (Vinny Paragone) has
his, well, grime.
But no throwing of tomatoes at the
heinous fiend! We must uphold …“The
Code of the West!”
And speaking of grub, hooch and the
West, the sagebrush-style menu will
include barbecue beef, baked beans,
coleslaw, veggies, rolls, hushpuppies, pie
and beverages. Non-alcoholic, now! It’s
only a “Saloon of the Mind.”
Everyone who purchased tickets to
previous melos will get a personal
invitation to join Chorus again this
year, when there will be a larger facility
providing room for more people and
space to set up extra tables. The facility is
the Catholic High School auditorium on
Wynn Drive in Cummings Research Park.
Cecelia Miller, ably assisted by Brenda
Fahey and Jean Glenn, will be handling
the auditorium and table decorations.
Kaile Bishop is constructing the set,
while his charming wife Mary Ann
doubles as music director and pianist.
By the way, like Balch, Larkin, Lighthall
and la Bishop are also “Saloonkeeper’s”
alumnae. Sherry choreographed the 1986
show (as she does this version), Micki
was the vocal coach, and Mary Ann was
the piano player! It’s Old Home Week out
on the range!
As an added treat, Darrell Osborn will
be back to open the show with a new,
western-themed monologue, following
up his hilarious traveling medicine show
from last year.
“Saloonkeeper’s” will be tending bar for
six performances during the weekends
of June 4–5 and 11–12. Evening shows
will be full dinner theaters, with dinner
starting one hour prior to curtain. Two
Saturday matinée performances will
serve cake, ice cream and coffee during
the intermission.
Hurry and get your tickets now … the
opening Saturday show is nearly sold
out, and we expect the same for the
entire run! Then throw on
your ten-gallon hat, slip
on the Tony Lamas
and two-step
your way
down
to the
Saloon!
For no one can stand in the way of this
venomous villain and his sordid sidekick,
Seedy Shlepper (Joan Leggett) — OR
CAN THEY?!?!
With songs ranging from the fun
(“Western Life”) to the balladic (“Little
Cricket”) to the downright silly (“Heed
Kindly, White”) to the bizarre (“Let Me
Make You Happy”), patrons will have
an advanced case of the Toe-tapping
Syndrome. Furthermore, audiences will
be enjoined to applaud and cheer, boo
and hiss, and — dare we say it? — even
“awww” during those moments that are
too, too tender for the average heart to
bear.
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 10
Jim Zielinski has been onstage, on and off, since
kindergarten, but started in local community theater
ALMOST a quarter-century ago. He is directing
this July’s “Jesus Christ Superstar” for HCCA
and NEXT July’s “The Foreigner” for Theatre
Huntsville.
29
LEAD STORY
In May, in the latest blooming of the lawyers’
class-action money tree, California law firms
asked a court to approve $258 million in
fees for their handling of a lawsuit against
Microsoft Corp., amounting to $3,000 an
hour for the lead attorney (who billed for
6,000 hours of his own time, even though
three dozen lawyers from more than 30 firms
had a piece of the case) and $1,000 an hour
for administrative work, all for the following
consumer bonanza: Each victim will get a
coupon worth $5 to $29 toward the purchase
of another Microsoft product (coupons that
are often routinely ignored by consumers in
these settlements, as not worth the bother).
Finer Points of the Law
In April, a judge in Ocala, Fla., sentenced a
27-year-old man to probation-only for having
sex with his then-girlfriend’s rottweiler (with
the man admitting that he had a “lifelong
problem”) and lamented that under state
law, the man could not be forced to register
as a sex offender, since the victim was a
dog. Also in April, authorities in Nashville,
Tenn., charged Metro News with violating
the state’s Sunday-closing law for adult
businesses, but the owner said he would fight
it since he had recently tried to avoid the law
by occupying most of his floor space with a
Sunday-law-acceptable retail furniture and
garden business (although his sign still said
customers had to be age 18 or older to shop
for furniture).
Government in Action
Although 50 countries (including Japan)
have now banned American beef because
of inadequate mad-cow controls, the U.S.
Department of Agriculture not only has
declined to order widespread testing but
has even prohibited one farm, Creekstone
(Campbellsburg, Ky.), from voluntarily
testing. USDA said such conscientious testing
would imply that America’s entire 35 million
yearly slaughters should be tested (which the
industry says is too expensive, even though
Japan requires universal testing for its
beef). USDA said it aims to test only 40,000
cows, up from 20,000 for the last two years
(although it has been unable for nine months
now to document those tests in response
to a Freedom of Information Act request by
United Press International).
Can’t Possibly Be True
-- Until March, Mr. Dayn Riegel and his
girlfriend kept 77 cats in their house in
Lawrenceville, Ga., but a Humane Society
spokesman said he saw no problem, in that
all appeared to be in good health and well-fed,
and Riegel’s home was clean (though filled
with litter boxes). Riegel recorded each cat’s
history on a computer database, provided
one packaged meal and one special meal a
day for each, and turned over 60 pounds of
cat litter a week. (During a recent move from
the home, Riegel gave away just a few of the
cats.)
-- Veteran schoolteacher Carrie Peoples, 63,
quit her job in April in Covington, Ga., after
an incident in which she responded to a
trash-talking 14-year-old student by ordering
two male classmates to toss the girl out of an
open window (even though it was a first-floor
window); the boys dutifully complied, for fear
of punishment. And two-year teacher Jason
Schoenberger, 24, was suspended from PS
279 in Brooklyn, N.Y., in March after he hung
a 5-year-old student on a closet coatrack
(supposedly with the kid’s permission) just to
see the shock on a colleague’s face when he
walked in to the closet.
30
-- Sweden’s Parliamentary Ombudsmen’s
office in Stockholm, looking through some old
environmental records recently, discovered
that in 1986 a regional environmental
court in Jaemtland province had denied a
resort-development permit to a builder on
the ground that the Loch Ness-resembling
“Storsjoe monster” (serpentlike body, catlike
head, first rumored in 1635) often “sighted”
there had been declared endangered.
Declared the ruling, “(I)t is prohibited to
kill, hurt or catch animals of the Storsjoe
monster species” or to “take away or hurt
the monster’s eggs, roe or den.”
-- In April, the Virginia Supreme Court turned
down the petition for a new trial for Aleck J.
Carpitcher, who was sentenced in 1999 to 38
years in prison for molesting an 11-year-old
girl even though she recently told authorities
she made up the whole incident to punish
Carpitcher, who was at the time dating the
girl’s mother. The justices cited state law,
which allows consideration of “new evidence”
only if it is submitted within three weeks of
the sentencing date.
-- The Boston Herald reported in April that
the Massachusetts Treatment Center, at
which the state’s pedophiles and rapists are
housed, was using a controversial aversion
therapy that some experts say includes
providing convict-patients with illegal child
pornography and forcing them to masturbate
repeatedly, past the threshold of pain, in the
belief that child images will thus eventually
become uninviting.
People With Issues
New Hampshire state Rep. John Kerns
resigned in February while on the verge
of expulsion for, among other things,
writing “State of New Hampshire” on some
personal checks (later dishonored) to feign
officialness and for threatening violence
after unsuccessfully demanding a private
parking space; he appeared at one court
hearing wearing a black cape to, as he said,
improve his credibility as a defendant.
Also, presidential candidate Robert Haines,
57, of New Hampshire, was arrested while
campaigning in Virginia in April after he
threatened to kill a police dog over a parking
ticket dispute; last year, at a Dartmouth
College football game, Haines tried to
commandeer the public address system and
ceremonially “throw out the first football”
(which is only done in baseball).
Least Competent Criminals
A man, perhaps not all that incompetent,
took $180 from another in a home robbery
in Covington, Ky., in April. The money was
handed over by the victim only because he
was late in noticing that the gun the man
was holding had no barrel. As the robber ran
out, the victim called police, and neighbors
joined in a search, but the only thing that
was found nearby, according to the Kentucky
Post, was discarded clothing and “pieces of a
gun.” Another Cardinal Rule Broken (the one
about keeping a low profile): John Parker and
Rick Owens were arrested in the parking lot
of the Wal-Mart in Athens, Texas, in April,
after they were allegedly spotted by several
people sitting in their car carefully cutting
out individual counterfeit bills from larger
sheets they had just printed. And Dennett
Colescott, 41, was arrested at a drugstore
in Corte Madera, Calif., in April after an
employee reported to police that Colescott
was standing at the store’s photo printer,
calmly copying child pornography.
Recurring Themes
A 2003 News of the Weird report heralded
a rural Peruvian doctor, on a mountain far
from a hospital, for performing lifesaving
surgery to relieve swelling in a man’s
skull, using only a carpenter’s drill and
pliers. In a similar incident near Ketchum,
Idaho, in December (with med-evac
helicopters grounded by a blizzard), Dr.
Keith Sivertson likewise saved Ben King’s
life, but using a Makita power drill from
a clinic’s maintenance shop. News of the
Weird reported in 1998 on the emerging
Hollywood trademark battle between the
creators of TV’s “Ren & Stimpy” and “South
Park” over who had original rights to a
cartoon character who was an animated
piece of excrement (John Kricfalusi’s “Nutty
the Friendly Dump” or South Park’s “Mr.
Hankey the Christmas Poo”). In April 2004,
a South Korean company announced it was
planning a major U.S. media launch of a
short, philosophical children’s film with the
clay-animation character “Doggy Poo” (who,
in one scene, asks a guru, “What am I good
for?” and receives the answer, “God has not
created you for no reason. He must have a
good plan for you”).
More Things to Worry About
In April, Sheryl Hardy, who was sentenced
to 30 years in prison for her role in the
brutal death of her 2-year-old son in 1989
in Florida, asked the Department of Family
Services in Illinois (where she now lives
after early release) for the parenting
equivalent of a golf “mulligan” by petitioning
to be allowed to raise her follow-up baby,
who had been immediately taken from her
by the state after she gave birth in 2001.
And in Edinburgh, Scotland, bus drivers
are apparently subjected to so much abuse
that transit officials recently gave all 1,800
operators DNA-collecting kits so that they
can swab themselves when passengers spit
on them.
Update
In 1990, News of the Weird reported on a
World War II “cargo cult” on Tanna, one of
the 83 islands comprising the republic of
Vanuatu (located between Papua New Guinea
and Fiji). (Such cults are known for regarding
as magical the food and supplies that
Americans brought to military staging areas
on the islands, and they continued to pray
for more “cargo” for decades after Americans
left.) In May, according to a report in the
Sydney Morning Herald, violence broke
out on Tanna when Christian breakaways,
calling the cargo business nonsense, fought
with supporters of “John Frum,” the iconic
American whom the cultists worship. About
25 people were hospitalized, according to
police dispatched from Vanuatu’s capital of
Vila.
Super-Recidivists
According to police in Atlanta in January,
Nathaniel Lee Stanley, 20, just released from
jail, walked out and immediately carjacked a
woman in the jail’s parking lot (and was later
returned to jail). And Ms. Kelly J. Handy,
37, who posted bond on burglary charges in
Wheat Ridge, Colo., in March, picked up the
wig and clothing that had been taken from
her on her arrest, then went into a restroom,
created a new look, and, according to police,
immediately began stealing from residential
mailboxes near the jail.
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 10
#060304062304
The Litigious Society
-- Richard Timmons’ $80 million police
brutality lawsuit went to trial in April in
New York City, with Timmons acting as
his own lawyer to persuade a jury that he
deserved to be a rich man because he was
“beat(en) continuously” during his 1997
arrest. The jury turned him down after a
quick deliberation, perhaps in part because
his crime (for which he was convicted) was a
triple murder that included the beheading of
his wife and 7-year-old son.
-- Not My Fault: Chef Michael McCarthy,
21, with about a year’s experience in the
kitchen of the Dalmunzie Hotel in Perthshire,
Scotland, filed a lawsuit for the equivalent
of US$42,000 against the hotel in January
because he had badly cut his finger while
slicing open an avocado. He said no one had
taught him that unripened avocados were
harder to cut than ripened ones.
Recent Alarming Headlines
(1) “Trio Arrested for Breaking in and
Performing Dental Work” (a December story
in the Alexandria, La., Town Talk, about two
people trying to help a friend who had lost
part of a filling one night and couldn’t wait
until the dentist’s office opened). (2) “Jail
Teaches Prisoners to Shoot” (an April story
in The West Australian, revealing that the
Eastern Goldfields prison allows Aboriginal
inmates to shoot air rifles because, upon
release, they will return to a life of hunting
animals for food).
Obsessions
Among the beach attractions on the
Caribbean island of St. Maarten: bracing
oneself in the sand at the beach at the end of
the runway at Princess Juliana International
Airport and trying to remain upright as
airliners take off. (Jumbo jets’ blasts have
been known to topple vans.) A March Chicago
Tribune dispatch described the giddiness
of several tourists (who defied posted
warnings), one of whom was “tossed in the
air like a human shot put.” Said another man,
slowly pulling himself to his feet after a takeoff, “I couldn’t resist. (My wife and I) are
both doing things we’d never do (back home)
in Ohio.”
The District of Calamity (continued)
School System Accountability: The principal
of one of Washington, D.C.’s, roughestneighborhood elementary schools was
revealed in late 2003 to have obtained her
doctorate degree from a diploma mill, but her
school system supervisors decided in April
to impose no punishment (except to drop her
salary to what master’s-degree principals
get). Also in April, the school system declined
to punish the 110 employees it identified
who had vastly and improperly overspent
using D.C. government credit cards, pointing
out that investigators had no evidence of
“personal gain” from the uses (but then
admitting that their investigation stopped
short of looking for such personal gain).
Send your Weird News to Chuck
Shepherd, P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL
33679 or [email protected] or go
to www.NewsoftheWeird.com.
COPYRIGHT 2004 CHUCK SHEPHERD
DISTRIBUTED BY UNIVERSAL PRESS
SYNDICATE
4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111;
(816) 932-6600
THE VALLEY PLANET
CLASSIFIED PLANET
All classified ads found here are also online at www.valleyplanet.com
1-256-858-6736
ALL CLASSIFIEDS 2 for 1 all the time! get in for as little as $9
REAL ESTATE PLANET
Call Scott Today!
(256) 468-2667
Call Jeff Today!
(256) 520-5191
Painted portraits from photos
or models. Custom, Stylized,
or classic trade for great
prices. The work of David
Kirwin.
HUNTSVEGAS
PRODUCTIONS
(256) 489-2951
SUBDIVISION
This Gorgeous Subdivision is a planned community. From
the prestigious entrance way, to the multiple lakes, the
walking and nature trails, and the future pool, pool house/
gazebo, river access and canoe launch, and additional
amenities the subdivision has to offer, this is a place one can
come home to everyday and enjoy with pride.
The subdivision consists of: level and sloped lots, river
and lake lots, wooded and non-wooded lots. There is an
Architectural Committee to ensure the quality and integrity of
the subdivision. Please call or e-mail Scott Gillies or Jeff York
at RISE for Information packets.
email Scott Gillies at
[email protected] email Scott Gillies at
[email protected]
email Jeff York at
email Jeff York at
[email protected]
ARTIST
FOR HIRE
Riverwalk
[email protected]
Honey Doo
Lawn Care
Complete Lawn Maintenance Cutting,
Mulch, Flower Gardens, Light Tree Work,
Shrub Trimming. Discounts for the elderly
and the disabled.
[email protected]
THE VALLEY PLANET
256-653-5698
For all you lawn maintenance needs
#060304062304
VOLUME 2, ISSUE 10
31

19 - Valley Planet

Transcription

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