Wildcats Roar (Student Newspaper)

Wil dcat s Roar
Spr ing Thing
even mor e sar cast ic
t han usual t his Apr il
Fool 's Day
Thu rsd a y M a rch 17th, 2016
Editorial Advisor: Mr. Palmer
Chief Editor: JacobHerold
AssociateEditor: Jada Sonnenberg
Junior Editor: Sarah Borkowski
Ar t icl es mar ked wit h * ar e sat ir ical I n
Honor of apr il f ool 's Day
What
Sarah
Said
The follow ing questions have been
pr ovided by the lovely Daisy M eyer
because no one puts any questions in the
box w hich r esides, has alw ays r esided,
and w ill r eside FOREVERM ORE, in the
school libr ar y. Right on the desk . On the
opposite side of M r s. Neise. Right ther e.
Q: Should w e give Easter gifts?
A: Do w hat you w ant.
Q: How old should people be w hen they?r e
told w hen the Easter bunny is not r eal?
A: Just let them find out on their ow n.
Q: W hy do w e celebr ate St Patty?s Day?
A: Hallm ar k and stuff.
Q: W hy don?t w e do pr anks on Apr il
Fool?s?
A: Because w e w ould get in tr ouble.
@ The M an.
Q: W hy do w e alw ays give candy? I?m
tr ying to get in shape.
A: Holidays aim to sell to childr en because
they have no im pulse contr ol.
Har - har - har oscopes The signs as t hings I f ind
f unny
By Jada Sonnenbur ger
Ar ies - ov er weight cat s
Taur us - inf omer cial s
Gemini - when peopl e scar e
babies
Cancer - ?Guy On A Buf fal o?
Leo - v ines of scr eaming goat s
Vir go - st ock phot os
Libr a - t wit t er f ight s
Scor pio - when chil dr en fal l
down
Sagit t ar ius - spel l ing er r or s in
t ext s
Capr icor n - when Mr . Hudson
y el l s at peopl e f or being dumb
Aquar ius - bad comebacks
Pisces - t ur t l es on t heir backs
* Ma k e Amer i c a , 'Mer i c a Aga i n
By Dylan Ludeman
You know this country has to deal with a lot of problems these days. Foreigners at our gates,
terrorism running rampant, and I can?t tell who the Muslims are just by looking at them.
Luckily there is one man who can make 'Merica great again. President Trump will keep these
foreigners from taking our jobs, and no Trump supporters aren?t racist, we just wanna make
America great again by keeping out the brown people. Like Trump said we?re not saying
they?re all bad, just that most of them are rapists, thieves, and murderers, what?s wrong with
that? Don?t believe the liberal lie that twenty percent of my fellow Trump supporters don?t
support the emancipation proclamation, after all what kind of crazy backward people would
we have to be to hold on to something that happened over a hundred years ago? Trump loves
the blacks, and women for that matter--he did say that if his daughter was not his daughter
he would probably be dating her; see Trump is a family man, too. But most importantly we
have to remember Trump has the biggest heart of any candidate, and that is why he
threatened to commit international war crimes and label Muslims like the Jews in 1930s
Germany. Trump cares you guys.
*Buf fal o 4 Pr ez by Donovan Gaf f eney
Guy on a Buffalo would be the most qualified presidential
candidate in the campaign since General George Washington if he
would just announce his campaign. He?s a great navigator and an
American hero, too. He has fought off bears and cougars. He and
his running mate, Buffalo, also care for the children and safety.
They would make America great again by protecting the people of
the United States with all their might. Only you can make that
choice, only you can make America great again. Write in Guy on a
Buffalo for president.
M ov i e Rev i ew - Ki n gsm an : Th e Secr et Ser v i ce by Ol i v i a Beh m
W ho doesn?t love a good spy m ovie? Well, even if you do not, Kingsm an: The Secr et Ser vice
w ill get you hopping on the bandw agon in no tim e. Ser iously, this m ovie is unr eal.
The stor y is basically this: A young m an, nam ed ?Eggsy,? fr om England is r ecr uited to com pete
against his peer s for a position in the secr et ser vice agency, Kingsm an. Ther e is he tested w ith
life-thr eatening situations to pr ove that he has w hat it takes. M eanw hile, the villain, nam ed
Valentine -played by Sam uel L. Jackson-, is thr eatening to m ur der billions. So, it?s basically the
Hunger Gam es m eets Jam es Bond, r ight? Wr ong.
This m ovie br ings som ething new to the spy genr e. It keeps the genius of the classic spy film s
w hile updating it w ithout m aking it dated. I per sonally loved how m ost of the fight scenes ar e
one-take so that you can r eally appr eciate the chor eogr aphy. Not to m ention that one of them
is set to the guitar solo of Lynyr d Skynyr d?s ?Fr ee Bir d.? Aw esom e.
This m ovie is r ated R (for a reason) so don?t w atch this, fr eshm en! But if you?r e seventeen or
older , I?d r eally r ecom m end this. Check this out if you?r e looking for a bit of excitem ent
w ithout actually leaving the com for t of your hom e.
Review er ?s r ating: 5 out of 5 bulletpr oof tailor ed suits.
Prank Videos
Now, I honestly can?t decide on what?s worse on YouTube, prank videos, or reaction videos.
They are both pretty bad, but I'm not here to talk reaction videos, I?m here to talk about Prank
videos. Now, some of you may be asking, ?Timmy, what?s a prank video?? Well, if you?ve been
living under a rock for the past three years, prank videos are pretty self explanatory - they're
basically videos about people playing pranks on innocent bystanders. Now what are some of
the pranks they do? Well, you're in for a treat, some examples include "Stepping on Jordan's
in the Hood Prank!", "Killing my Best Friend Prank! (GONE WRONG)", etc. Now, I must ask you
guys, does stepping on people?s shoes count as a prank? Or what about a prank where a guy
goes around pretending to fart in people?s faces? Or how about a prank where Sam Pepper
pretends to kill a guy?s best friend? No, IT DOESN?T. Now before I continue, I have say that
NONE of these pranks I mentioned are real. In fact, I think almost all the pranks on YouTube
are fake. And that?s the problem. Some people who don?t understand that try to copy these
pranks and end up getting into a lot of trouble. Now don?t get me wrong, I do enjoy prank
videos, ironically. Sometimes they do tend to go a little too far though. Like a school shooting
prank, a bombing prank, hanging myself prank, etc. Now guys, don?t give these pranks
attention, because that?s what they want. They're fear mongering people into getting more
views on their YouTube channel. The site is actually taking action against these pranks by
taking down the offensive prank channels, which I am glad they did, because some of those
pranks broke so many rules on YouTube, it was ridiculous.
* Spr ing Snick Snacks
By Jada Sonnenbur ger
Ex t r eme Peeps
1. Buy 5 packages of Peeps and a dr y er ase boar d
( mar ker may not be incl uded)
2. Put al l said Peeps in your mout h al l at once
3. Wr it e ?I am t he new Supr eme. Bow down peasant s?
on t he dr y er ase boar d since you cannot speak
because of al l of t he Peeps in your mout h
4. Rul e t he wor l d wit h your Supr eme Peep Power
Jada's Cal l -Outs
@ peopl e w h o sti l l pi nch peopl e w h o aren?t w eari ng green on St. Patri ck ?s Day
Real l y? A re you 12? Wh y?
I bet not one of you k now w h at St. Patri ck ?s day i s actual l y ab out w i th out
l ook i ng i t up. A nd i f you?re not predomi nantl y I ri sh on one si de of your f ami l y
th en you sh oul dn?t ev en b e cel ebrati ng. ?But Jada, I ?m actual l y 43.5%I ri sh ,
29%Sw edi sh , 16.87%b l eh b l eh bl eh ,?
Yeah , and I ?m 100%done w i th you.
*Student Interviews
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
What?s it like being a minority? Do you think you are a minority?
Why don?t you have a soul?
Are you Irish?
What?s the worst sunburn you?ve ever gotten?
How many freckles do you have?
Freshman: Aydin Kroeger
It sometimes is not fun. I consider myself a
minority because regular people don?t know
how much it sucks to wear sunscreen with SPF
10,000 and still get burnt in ten minutes.
I don?t have a soul because I was blessed to
have my ginger-ness, but it cost my soul.
No, I?m German- OF COURSE I?M IRISH!! Can?t
you get that from the hair?
The worst sunburn I?ve ever had was when I
was eight and I had baseball and was outside
all day and got so burnt that I had to spend
two days indoors just to heal.
Too many to count. An ungodly amount.
Junior: Tiffany Pelltier
Being a minority is fantastic. You stand out
without really standing out. But hey, gingers
are making a comeback, so watch out.
Because I am Satan.
Duh.
I was at the beach with my family and I put
sunscreen on and everything but the next day
I was super burnt and in so much pain but hey
# gingerproblems # gokatz
A lot, but not as much as other gingers.
Alumni: Meghan Straight (Class of 2014)
I don?t consider myself a minority. The
ginger population has grown quite a bit.
I don?t have a soul because I had to make
room for all the souls I steal.
Yes I am Irish. Most gingers are, but some are
Scottish, or fake.
I can?t talk about my ?worst? sunburn
because I?m constantly sunburnt, it never
goes away.
I also cannot count the number of freckles I
have. Each freckle is a soul that I?ve stolen.
Sometimes I do it on accident. Like I?ll make
eye contact with someone and oops, new
soul.
Sophomore: Allison Williams
It is hard knowing that red heads will be
extinct soon # redheadstrong
I don?t know but stealing other people?s
soul is vital for ginger survival
No, but I particularly enjoy St. Patrick's Day
with my fellow leprechauns
Just a couple of blisters here and there
One for every soul I?ve stolen
Senior: Andrew Behnfeldt
It feels so annoying to know that I am one
of the few most beautiful red heads. Yes, I
do think I am part of a minority, and I have
no problem with it at all.
It is said that gingers are tools of the devil.
We are marked with the color of our master.
Theologists have theorized that gingers
were an attempt by God to rid the world of
smurfs. We are nothing more than empty
shells and our only purpose is to annoy and
wipe out the humans.
Am I Irish? What!?!? Is that because
leprechauns have red hair? I think that is a
stereotypical question, I am German.
The worst sunburn ever? How about just
that every sunburn is no fun for me, at all!
I?m not really sure how many freckles I
have. Care to start counting them? We
could play connect the dots!
Staff: Mr. Palmer
It can be trying at times, but there are
scholarships out there for us gingers. Look
?em up.
I?m not a real fan of KIA vehicles, I only buy
American.
To an extent, yes.
I?ve had sun poisoning three times in my
life. To my fellow gingers: never clean a
pool in mid-July without wearing sunscreen.
Or better yet, ya better make that a full
body snow suit to protect yourself from the
sun. - July 2006
IT?S AN UNEVEN TAN!
*Spring Int o Act ion
Hel l o my spring bunnies... sounded bet t er in my head. I am Noah ?McBunbun? Azinger, and around spring
peopl e t end t o be much more act ive. Whet her t hat is men who shoul dn?t be riding smal l bikes riding
smal l bikes, or peopl e t rying t o do backf l ips and, wel l , ceasing t o be f ert il e, one t hing t hat is best t o
record is a good prank. And speaking of which, I got a f ew f or ya. Enjoy. Or not , t hat ?s a you t hing. They
aren?t in any part icul ar order so you can?t bl ame me if you don?t l ike t hem.
1. Tel l your ?special someone? you are going t o prank t hem. Then never do. I rat e t his a ??/ 10. It depends
on how insecure t hey are.
2. If you know what t o do, get t ing a hol d of someone?s l apt op and swit ching set t ings l ike l anguage,
sensit ivit y, orient at ion and l ight sensit ivit y is a f un way t o be hat ed. To f ind t hese set t ings, hit Command
and Q. 7/ 10
3. Buy st ickers and just put t hem everywhere. EVERYWHERE. *I am not responsibl e f or st ickers in t he
school .*
4. Saran wrap doorways. Or duct t ape. Or supergl ue?
5. The nuke of al l pranks. Feed your f riend a del icious snack of Haribo sugar f ree gummy bears and wat ch
t hem burn in agony. *If you don?t want f riends, t his is your pick*
6. Bury t he eggs during an East er egg hunt . It ?s your job t o hide t hem, t heir job t o f ind t hem. Who wil l
win?
7. Dress as a rabbit and f ast bal l carrot s at peopl e.
8. Googl ey-eye everyt hing. A bit l ike st ickers but much more sat isf ying.
9. Screamin?smoot hies. In t angent wit h t he haribo, boil t hose demon bears down and put t hem in a
smoot hie. You wil l be hat ed and go t o a dark pl ace af t er.
Pu n Tim es by Sar ah Bor k owsk i ft. Katie El l in g
W h at do you cal l a fak e ston e in
Ir el an d?
Fl ower s don 't h ave fr ien ds, th ey h ave
bu ds.
A sham r ock
Th e botan ist was so excited abou t
spr in g h e wet h is pl an ts!
W h at did on e egg say to th e oth er
egg?
H el p, I'm dyein g.
W h at did th e egg say wh en h e was
sick ?
W h y did th e ol d wom an pu t wh eel s "I feel r otten"
on h er r ock in g ch air ?
Is th er e a m on th of spr in g th at's best?
So sh e cou l d r ock & r ol l !
Th er e M ay be.
Proud To Be A Wi l dcat
by Jacob Herold
Everyone t hat is af f il iat ed wit h Napol eon High School , st udent s, t eachers, al umni, and
even members of t he communit y, shoul d f eel proud t o be a Wil dcat af t er t his l ast
mont h. Napol eon High School has/ wil l send 57 st udent s t o a t ot al of seven St at e
compet it ions in t he mont hs of February and March.
Sw i mmi ng & Di v i ng
Bow l i ng
The divers st art ed t he Cat s out wit h Hunt er Rex,
Compet ing at t he st at e l evel was
Brit t ney Meienberg, and Lexi Henricks. Rex went t o t he
bowl ing, which sent t he girl s
St at e Meet f or t he 3rd year in a row and ended up
t eam and Dyl an Brown. Brown
pl acing 7t h and made Al l -Ohio. Meienberg made school
pl aced 26 out of roughl y 130
hist ory by being t he f irst ever Napol eon High School
ot her bowl ers. The Ladycat
f emal e f reshman st at e qual if ier and ended up wit h a
bowl ers, which incl ude MaKayl a
20t h pl ace f inish. Henricks went t o t he st at e meet f or
Horner, Mariah McKenzie, Tayl or
t he f irst t ime and pl aced 24t h. Next came t he
Gonzal ez, Hannah Badenhop,
swimmers, st art ing wit h t he girl s 200 Medl ey Rel ay
Bl ayre Beck, Brooke Bal dwin, and
which consist ed of Amanda Hudson, Kat rina Tran,
Lydia Wacht man, made it al l t he
Andrea Edl and, and Abby Al l ison pl aced 18t h. The girl s way t o t he st at e f inal s where t hey
200 Freest yl e Rel ay pl aced 13t h wit h Al l ison Wil l iams,
became t he St at e Runner-Up f or
Eadyn Mil l er, Jenna Pil kingt on, and Al l ison. The girl s
t he second year in a row. Beck
400 Freest yl e Rel ay pl aced 15t h wit h Edl and, Mil l er,
made f irst t eam Al l -Ohio.
Pil kingt on, and Hudson. Tran pl aced 22nd in t he 100
Awesome job bowl ers!
Breast st roke. The boys 400 Freest yl e Rel ay pl aced 24t h
I ndoor Track
and consist ed of Aaron Carrol , Aaron Drewes, Mat t hew
Buchhop, and Kyl e Kreinbrink. Kreinbrink al so pl aced
Napol eon al so had f ive at hl et es at
17t h in t he 500 Freest yl e. Jon Creager pl aced 13t h in
t he indoor st at e t rack meet which
t he 500 Freest yl e and 18t h in t he 100 Breast st roke.
incl uded Peyt on Lee, Sam Meece,
Congrat s t o al l of our Wil dcat st at e swimmers and
Tyl er St uber, Garret Ricket s, and
divers!
Pabl o Mont al vo-Rodas. St uber
pl aced 10t h in t he l ong jump.
Wrestl i ng
Mont al vo-Rodas pl aced 9t h in t he
60 met er dash, 5t h in t he 200
The Wil dcat Wrest l ers made school hist ory as t hey sent f our
wrest l ers t o t he st at e meet , breaking t he previous record of met er dash (onl y 0.02 seconds of f
t hree wrest l ers in 1964. Al ex Andrews, Charl ey Bohl s, Angel f rom 3rd pl ace), and 5t h in t he
Granados, and Set h Beard al l made it int o t he second day of l ong jump. Meece pl aced 8t h in
t he shot put and won t he st at e
t he st at e meet , however, Beard was t he onl y one st il l al ive
championship in t he weight
going int o t he semi-f inal s. Beard wrest l ed Tyl er Warner in
t he semi-f inal s, who was a t hree t ime st at e champ and who t hrow. The boys as a t eam t ied f or
4t h pl ace out of 81 t eams. Lee
had beat en him f or t he t it l e of St at e Champ his f reshman
year. Beard st opped Warner f rom get t ing his f ourt h st raight pl aced 5t h in t he 60 met er dash,
4t h in t he 200 met er dash, and
st at e t it l e by def eat ing him in t he semi-f inal s, making
not onl y became st at e champ in
hist ory in t he ent ire st at e. Beard went on t o become
Napol eon?s f irst ever St at e Champ af t er qual if ying in t he t he 60 met er hurdl es, but al so set
st at e meet al l f our years, once again making school hist ory. a st at e record of 8.81 seconds.
Awesome job t rack at hl et es!
He al so was made t he MVP of t he Division II St at e Meet .
Congrat s t o t he f our st at e wrest l ers!
Proud to b e a Wi l dcat cont.
DECA
Speech
Coming up f or Wil dcat s is t he st at e DECA
Napol eon hasn?t just had st at e
compet it ion, which wil l st art t omorrow and l ast
qual if iers in at hl et ics; we had t hree
unt il Sat urday. The individual st at e qual if iers
members of t he Speech Team go on t o
are: Zoey Hol brook, Connor Sehl man, Sara Bohn,
t he St at e compet it ion. Ol ivia Behm
Bl ake Musshel , Sean Parker, Aaron Drewes,
pl aced 37t h in Humorous
Connor
St ef f ey, Sarah Borkowski, Grace Garber,
Int erpret at ion, Lena Zeebuyt h pl aced
Andrea Edl and, Lexi Eis, Andrew Bischof f , Shawn
23rd in Inf ormat ive Speaking, and
Grewal , Cl oe Smit h, and Zarin Carr. Team
Ol ivia Sherman pl aced 13t h in
qual if iers are Krist en Laws & Isabel Hit chcock
Dramat ic Int erpret at ion. Congrat s
and Cameron Dickman & Josh Buchenberg.
l adies!
Final l y, going t o st at e wit h an individual project
is Ryan Parker. Good l uck t o al l DECA st at e
*TheN ight ofOurL ives
bySarahBorkowski
People say that your w edding day is the m ost im por tant day of your life.
False. It?s pr om . It?s r eally the only r eason to go into high school, tr uthfully.
Spor ts and extr acur r icular s ar e just som ething to take up tim e. Your diplom a
is m er ely a slip of paper that you pay for over the cour se of four year s. In this
m oder n age w ho has that kind of tim e? I could pr obably teach myself calculus
via YouTube videos in less than a school year , w hile still getting my 8+ hour s of
beauty sleep - w hich school is really cutting into r ight now. But pr om . That one
night m akes it all w or th it. The glitz, the glam our , the m onths spent picking
out a dr ess w or th hundr eds of dollar s to only w ear once, the w eeks spent
planning exactly how you?r e going to ask your date, the days deciding w her e to
take pictur es befor ehand, and the hour s spent on the day of getting r eady and
m aking sur e ever y last detail is per fect. All that pr epar ation for one night.
People com plain and say that it?s too expensive, but I don?t think w e spend
enough on pr om . Fifty dollar s for a ticket is too cheap! Tickets should be at
least $250, and gener ously discounted to $490 for a couple. Boys shouldn't be
r enting tuxes; that?s so plebeian - they should buy a new tux each year. I?ve
hear d gir ls talk about how expensive their dr esses ar e, w hen they?r e only
$300. Gir ls should be spending at least $500 on a dr ess. I m ean you can get a
w edding gow n for that m uch, and pr om should cost a lot m or e than a
w edding, w hose aver age cost is $26,444. I?m not sur e how m uch Napoleon
spends on pr om , but it should be tr iple, if not four tim es as m uch. You can get
m ar r ied as m any tim es as you like - pr om you only get to do tw ice.