1 Text ©Derek Landy 2014, all rights reserved

1 Text ©Derek Landy 2014, all rights reserved THEATRE
OF SHADOWS
2 Text ©Derek Landy 2014, all rights reserved This is a rough, unedited proof version of a story, written in an afternoon, that will eventually find its way into the Armageddon Outta Here paperback. Some elements may be changed, removed, or replaced utterly between now and then. Thank you all so, so much for being a part of this, whether you’re Live Operatives or Remote. We couldn’t have done this without you, wherever you are in the world. You rock. 3 Text ©Derek Landy 2014, all rights reserved Bodies hung from the ceiling on chains, stiff and frozen, covered in frost. Women, some long dead, some fresh, all swathed in ill-­‐fitting grey, like hospital gowns. A draft that swept through the giant freezer kept some of them swaying ever so slightly. The dead creaked when they swayed. There were over a dozen of them, at Valkyrie’s glance. Maybe fifteen or sixteen. She stepped between them, moving slowly. The black ring on her finger burned as cold as the freezer. She was only conscious of her breathing because of the long stream of crystallised vapour that escaped from between her lips. She was breathing slow and steady, forcing herself to remain calm. There was a deckchair set up ahead. She had expected this. When they were building up the profile of the killer, they’d come to the conclusion that he would need a place where he could sit for hours, gazing at the bodies of his victims, reliving the moments when he took their lives. She emerged from the freezer on the other side, continuing on her path through the old building. There was light up ahead. Silas Nadir sat in the candlelight with his back to the door. He was sewing. Another grey hospital gown. Music played. I Only Have Eyes For You. On the floor before him was a grate, the area around it stained with dried blood. Above the grate, high overhead, a thick 4 Text ©Derek Landy 2014, all rights reserved chain dangled from the high ceiling. That would be where his victims dangled. Susie Pearce, his latest victim, was nowhere to be seen. Valkyrie had a pamphlet in her pocket with a picture of Susie, an appeal for information on her whereabouts. But no one was going to call the police to help them with their enquiries, because the man who had snatched Susie was not a normal man. Skulduggery appeared at Valkyrie’s side. Dressed all in black today, his skull shone in the candlelight. He raised his gun, thumbed back the hammer. It clicked, and Nadir stiffened. A frozen moment, and he lunged from the chair and Skulduggery fired but missed. Valkyrie broke into a sprint, Skulduggery behind her. Nadir disappeared through a door, into a narrow laneway. Valkyrie piled on the speed, chasing him into a theatre now, running down the corridor, barging by a startled member of staff. Valkyrie whipped a shadow at him, caught his ankle and sent him sprawling. He came up and turned to them, a grin on his face. Valkyrie and Skulduggery came to a stop. “You made a mistake, coming back here,” Skulduggery said. “You should have found a nice quiet dimension to hide out in. But you had to kill again, didn’t you? You couldn’t fight that urge. So here you are.” “Here I am,” agreed Nadir, breathing hard. “Where’s Susie Pearce?” Valkyrie asked. “Who?” Valkyrie held up the MISSING pamphlet. “I think you know who I’m talking about.” “Oh,” said Nadir, “her. Yeah, you don’t have to worry about her.” “Is she alive?” 5 Text ©Derek Landy 2014, all rights reserved “Yes, but she won’t be for long. I’m sorry, do you actually think you know what’s going on here? You think this is about me? This has never been about me. I’m a hired hand. It’s my employer you should be talking to.” “And who is that?” Skulduggery asked. Nadir smiled. “Sorry. Spoilers.” He moved suddenly, pressing his hand to a sigil on the wall, a sigil connected to another sigil, and another, in a trail that led down to the floor and across to where Valkyrie was standing. The ground pulsed beneath her feet. “Oh hell,” Valkyrie muttered. Skulduggery dived for her, grabbed her arm as the world started flickering. She’d been through this before. They both had. They were being shunted. The flickering grew faster, and then with a jolt the world solidified around them. Valkyrie grinned at Nadir. “It didn’t work, moron.” Nadir turned, started walking away. She dived, but instead of grabbing him, her hands passed right through. With nothing to stop her face from slamming into his back, she closed her eyes, braced for impact — — and then she was sprawling onto the floor. She lay there, stunned, turned her head just as Nadir stepped through her face. Valkyrie sprang to her feet. “Woah! Woah! What the hell! What the holy hell?” Nadir kept walking like she wasn’t even there. She ran up behind him, threw a punch into the nape of his neck. Her fist passed through. He didn’t even notice. She drew her fist back, looked at it, and screamed. 6 Text ©Derek Landy 2014, all rights reserved “Because screaming will solve this problem,” Skulduggery said from behind her. “I can’t touch him! He doesn’t even see me!” And then Nadir faded from sight. Skulduggery walked forwards, hands in his pockets. “That is interesting.” “Where’d he go? He vanished. How did he vanish? Why couldn’t I touch him? Why didn’t he see me? You can see me, right?” “No,” Skulduggery said, tilting his head. “I can neither see you nor hear you. I’m just guessing at your part of this conversation.” “This isn’t funny. What did he do to us? Are we... are we dead?” “One of us is.” “I mean, are we ghosts?” Skulduggery was examining the sigils on the walls. “He killed us,” she said. “I don’t think so,” Skulduggery replied. Valkyrie ran for the open door, emerging onto a street devoid of life. Nothing moved but the breeze. No cars on the road, people on the footpaths, birds in the air. Not even any litter. “We’ve been shunted,” Skulduggery said, joining her. The dead weight in Valkyrie’s heart lifted. “Really? We’re in another dimension?” “Not quite,” Skulduggery said. “This is still quite obviously our own dimension, but we don’t seem to fit anymore. Shunting works by locating and changing the frequency of existence — I think Nadir nudged us slightly out of synch with the rest of the world. Where we are, there are no people, there are no animals.” “So how do we fix it?” 7 Text ©Derek Landy 2014, all rights reserved “I have no idea.” “Is it permanent?” “Unless we can find a way to phase back into this reality, I doubt it will happen by itself.” She blinked. “So... so what do we do?” “I don’t really know. We just have to hope that someone in the Sanctuary realises we’re missing and does something about it.” “What do you think the chances are of that happening?” “I think I’m going to lie, and say they’re very good.” Valkyrie groaned. “There is still hope, Valkyrie, and while there is hope, there is purpose. We have to believe that they’ll come for us, and when they do, we need to help them as much as possible.” “Help them how? They can’t see or hear us.” “That doesn’t mean we can’t communicate with them. If they have Sensitives with them, we may be able to leave them clues.” She looked around. “This is creepy.” “I suppose.” “You don’t find it creepy?” “I find it peaceful. Relaxing. Almost soothing, in a way. No traffic, no mobile phones, no people...” “I’m here.” “I didn’t say it was perfect.” “I’m just creeped out. This is way too eerie for me. It’s just... it’s empty. Doesn’t that scare you? It scares me. It’s unnatural. I don’t like how quiet it is. It’s very quiet. You feel like you have to keep talking just to make up for it, you know? Like you have to compensate for how quiet it is. You just have to talk. Say stuff. Utter words. Sounds. 8 Text ©Derek Landy 2014, all rights reserved Anything, really. Barnyard animal noises would be better than this kind of silence. What’s your favourite barnyard animal noise? Mine would be a cow mooing. Do you have a favourite? Is it a sheep? There’s something about sheep baa-­‐ing that’d be quite reassuring right now. Like, you know... baaaaaa. There. That’s kind of nice, isn’t it? Baaaaaaaaa. Very relaxing. Baaaaaaaaaa. What? Why are you looking at me like that?” “I’m just surprised at the speed by which you’ve gone insane.” “I haven’t gone—” “I think it happened mid-­‐sentence, too. That’s impressive.” “Well, I wouldn’t have to talk so much if you’d contribute a little to the conversation.” “About favourite barnyard noises?” “About anything. Instead you’re standing there with a serene look on your face.” “I’m not wearing a face.” “A serene look on your skull, then.” “I just like it. Is that so wrong?” “Yes it is. It is very wrong. You should be helping me make some noise. Don’t you have anything to say? Anything at all? Anything in the slightest—” “I do, actually.” “Good. Good! What?” “Don’t look behind you.” She froze. “What?” “Don’t move,” he said quietly, “and don’t look behind you.” Her eyes widened. “What’s behind me? You said we’re alone.” “No, I said there did not appear to be any people or animals.” 9 Text ©Derek Landy 2014, all rights reserved “So what’s behind me? A fish?” He shook his head. “I’m going to turn round,” she whispered. “I wouldn’t do that.” “It’s a monster, isn’t it?” “It may have some monster-­‐like qualities, yes.” “I’m turning round.” “Just don’t scream.” “I reserve the right to scream.” “I think they’re attracted to noise.” “I won’t scream, then.” Valkyrie turned. Creatures the size of footballs floated towards them, giant bugs with snapping mandibles and many terrible eyes. Their pale skin pulsated with a sickly throb. “Back,” Skulduggery whispered. “Back inside the theatre.” They ran in, closing the door behind them and backing away. Valkyrie slipped sideways, into a passageway, and Skulduggery followed. They came out onto a ground-­‐floor stage, surrounded by raised seating. Immediately Skulduggery froze. “Something’s wrong here.” Valkyrie winced. “I feel kind of sick.” “Something’s leaking through. Something dark. Powerful. Poisonous.” “I really don’t feel well. Skulduggery? Hey, Skulduggery?” “Hmm?” “You okay?” 10 Text ©Derek Landy 2014, all rights reserved He turned to her. “Sorry?” “You okay?” He hesitated. “Yes,” he said. He shook his head, took a step backwards. “Interesting. Unsettling, but interesting. There’s something here. Can you feel that? It’s magic but it’s... different. It’s not our magic.” “What do you mean?” He looked around and raised his voice. “You’re listening, aren’t you?” For a long moment, there was silence. And then a voice, distant but clear, and torn from an inhuman throat. “I listen.” It came from everywhere. “You’re not from here, are you?” Skulduggery asked. “You’re trapped here, just like we are. Who trapped you? Was it Silas Nadir?” A sound that may have been a growl, may have been a laugh. “It was others. I was summoned. I was bound. I have been unable to leave.” Valkyrie frowned. Summoned? “How long ago?” Skulduggery asked. “Fifty years or more, by how mortals measure time,” said the voice. “What are you?” “I am not human.” “I gathered that.” “I am more.” “Debatable.” “You are nothing to me," said the voice. "An insignificant speck of nothingness.” “I don’t think that’s entirely true. I think you’re hoping we can help you. You’re thinking, if we get out, you get out. Am I right? So tell me, what are you?” 11 Text ©Derek Landy 2014, all rights reserved “There are no words for what I am.” Skulduggery looked at Valkyrie. “Demon.” Her eyes widened. “Seriously?” “Or what we’d call demon if ever we saw one. So what’s your story, big guy? You were summoned, you were trapped...” “Five mortals summoned me,” the voice said. “Four died. Their blood I drank. One fled in terror before I—” “Wait,” said Valkyrie. “Do not tell me to—” “No no, shut up.” “How dare you—” “This was in one of Gordon’s books,” Valkyrie said. “The Theatre of the Tormented. Five friends try to summon the devil. Whatever they summon, they trap it in a circle. The main character, Eamon, gets away, but the others are killed. Then the demon thing tries to lure him back to drink his blood—” Skulduggery took Valkyrie’s arm, started leading her out of the room. “Where are you going?” the voice asked. “Be right back,” Skulduggery called. “Return this instant. I am not finished with you.” “Just one moment,” Skulduggery said, not releasing his grip until they were safely away. “Uh,” said Valkyrie, “what? What’d I do wrong?” “Nothing wrong,” Skulduggery said. “Everything right. The demon tries to lure Eamon back to drink his blood so that it can escape. I remember. Gordon told me once that he always regretted writing that book. It was basically an instruction manual in demon summoning.” 12 Text ©Derek Landy 2014, all rights reserved “So what?” “He left a note in one of the copies,” Skulduggery said. “The copy in the Long Room in Trinity College. There’s a note he slipped in there, detailing how much of the story is true.” “Okay,” said Valkyrie. “So?” “So if we can contact someone in our dimension, get them to open the book, they’ll find the note.” “And how does that help us?” “Well, it... it doesn’t.” “What a wonderful plan you haven’t thought of.” “Valkyrie, we need to warn the people back home. Nadir and his employer must want to release the demon. We can’t let that happen.” “So how do we warn them?” “There may be areas where the walls between realities are weak. Maybe we could send a message or... or...” “Or what?” “There’s a language of magic, an old one... If I’m remembering right, the glyphs in that language could break through dimensions. They could be seen by someone who’s looking for them.” “And who exactly would be looking for them?” “We were due to report in to Tipstaff five hours ago. I didn’t bother, because I never bother. But Tipstaff will have told Ravel by now, and they’ll notice we’re missing. I’m sure Ravel will send out a few teams any minute now to search for us.” “This is a flimsy plan.” “Very.” “That demon voice thing isn’t going to be very happy with us.” 13 Text ©Derek Landy 2014, all rights reserved “What’s it going to do, throw bad words at us? It’s trapped. It’s bound. It can’t hurt us.” “Are you sure?” “Not entirely, no.” “So what do we do? Wait to be rescued?” “And trust in other people? No, we leave as many clues as to what happened as we can.” He took a pen from his inside jacket pocket and scrawled a symbol on the wall. “The wall? That’s the best place to put that?” “It’ll do the job,” he replied. She watched him work. “I thought China was the expert on magical languages. How do you know this stuff?” “I read. You should try it.” “I read plenty.” “What’s the last book you read?” “The last one?” “The last book, yes.” “The last book I read?” “You can’t remember, can you?” “Of course I can. It was... Moby Dick.” “You read Moby Dick? Really?” “No,” she confessed, her shoulders sagging. “I was going to, but then I realised it was about a whale, and I don’t like stories about whales. Not since Free Willy.” “Ah yes,” said Skulduggery. “That other great whale story.” 14 Text ©Derek Landy 2014, all rights reserved “I don’t get a lot of time to read these days,” Valkyrie said. “I’m always doing this or doing that. Look at me now. I’m doing this. I’m stuck in limbo world looking at you write weird sigils—” “Glyphs.” “—whatever and this is how I spend my time now. I’d love to be able to sit down on a porch somewhere and just read a book and have no one bother me or try to kill me, but hey, this is the life I chose, so I have to make the best of it. Are you finished? I’m bored.” “You are incorrigible.” “If I read more books I’d probably know what that means, but for now I’ll just take it as a compliment and smile. What are you writing?” “I’m telling them Nadir is gone, but they still have his employer to worry about. And Susie is still in danger.” Hours passed. Valkyrie got very, very bored. Skulduggery looked up from the pavement he was drawing on. “Hear that?” “What?” “Voices.” There. Faint, indistinct, but there. Voices. Human voices. Valkyrie looked around. “There are people here?” “I don’t think they’re here. I think we can just hear them.” “So those are people back in our dimension? Hey!” she suddenly shouted. “Hey! We’re here! Get us out!” She waited for a response. “Do you think they heard us?” 15 Text ©Derek Landy 2014, all rights reserved “No I do not,” said Skulduggery. “We’re going to need something to amplify our voices. Come on.” Skulduggery ran for a door, kicked it open. Valkyrie followed him into a gallery with a large window looking out onto the street. In that window, screens. Connected to those screens, a camera. “Uh,” said Valkyrie. “What are we doing? You want to use this to communicate? Seriously? None of this equipment is even on.” “It’s not on for us. But for them it is.” “This makes no sense.” “We have a chance to communicate. Let’s take it. Do you have anything to write on?” She took the pamphlet from her pocket. He handed her a pen. “When we have their attention,” he said, “we’ll message them. They’re getting close. Come on, we only have one chance at this.” They stood in front of the camera. “Punch,” Skulduggery said. “Punch what?” “The air. The reality barrier is weak here. We have to add a little trauma to the proceedings. Like this.” He punched at nothing, the air rippling from his knuckles. He punched again. And again. “I feel so dumb,” Valkyrie muttered, and threw a punch of her own. “Harder,” he said. “They’re about to pass the screens.” She did as he asked, started hurling punches, feeling the air as a physical object that she was trying to break through. Movement in the corner of her eye. “They’ve found us,” she said. “The Operatives?” 16 Text ©Derek Landy 2014, all rights reserved “The creatures.” They floated in through the open door. “We can’t wait any longer,” he said. “Write!” Valkyrie turned away, wrote BEWARE! on the back of the pamphlet and held it up to the camera. She scrambled back, wrote again, ran back and held up another sign. Silas is not working alone! “I don’t mean to rush you,” said Skulduggery. “But the monsters have noticed us again.” Cursing, Valkyrie scribbled again, and held up Please help! Please hurry! “Move,” Skulduggery said, clicking his fingers and hurling a fireball. They sprinted for the door without even looking to see if the fire had any effect on the creatures. After three minutes of running, they stopped. Skulduggery adjusted his tie. Valkyrie panted for breath. “So now... what?” she gasped. “We have to hope that they find the note Gordon left in his book? I hate hoping. I’d much rather be doing something.” Checking around them at all times, they made their way back to the theatre. The emptiness of the streets still unnerved her, and Valkyrie was glad to step back inside the cool darkness of the groundfloor stage. At first. But then shadows shifted and something took shape, and Valkyrie’s stomach lurched and she looked away. “Returning here was foolish,” the demon said. “I will devour your souls.” “Not yet you won’t,” Skulduggery replied. “You don’t have your strength back.” “I have taken form. There are others sharing this space with us. I can feel their paltry magic. They are here to rescue you, yes? They will fail. In a matter of moments, my power will fully return.” 17 Text ©Derek Landy 2014, all rights reserved “Those are Sanctuary Operatives out there,” Skulduggery said. “The best of the best. Young, strong, and determined. And a hell of a lot smarter than you.” “They will die.” “They will triumph.” “Their screams will be my lullaby.” “I’ve had just about enough of you,” Skulduggery said, and lunged at the figure, punching it right in the face. “Yay!” shouted Valkyrie. “Hit it again! Break its nose!” “Not sure it has one,” Skulduggery managed to say, before he was hurled across the room. Valkyrie caught a glimpse of the demon and turned her head away. “Oh my God I’m going to puke.” “If you do,” Skulduggery said, getting back to his feet, “please do it on our enemy.” He flew across the floor and Valkyrie heard him slam into the demon. There was a crash and a grunt and the demon snarled in anger. Or pain. Lines of green light flashed from the darkness. Bright flashes followed. Pulses of energy. Of magic. “Skulduggery,” she called. “Something’s happening!” “Bit busy,” Skulduggery gasped from somewhere behind her. “I think the Operatives are doing something,” she called. “Something cool. Or disastrous. Hard to tell.” There was a crash, and then Skulduggery shouted, “That’s nice!” Valkyrie nodded. “Yep.” “No,” the demon said. “No, it cannot be...” 18 Text ©Derek Landy 2014, all rights reserved She had to turn. She just had to. Valkyrie looked around, saw the demon as it reeled back, and threw up just as it vanished in a flash of black light. She dropped to her knees and threw up again, as Skulduggery fixed his tie and picked his hat up off the floor. “There,” he said. “Fought a demon. That’s something to brag about.” “I helped,” Valkyrie said, between retches. “Well,” said Skulduggery, “you were definitely there.” She got up, wiped her mouth. “So what now? What about us?” “The barriers between worlds have been weakened by the demon’s dramatic exit,” Skulduggery said. “If ever they had a chance of pulling us back, it’s now.” “Can you feel that? Something’s happening.” Valkyrie looked around as the theatre started flickering. “It’s working!” she cried. “It’s going to work!” The flickering got faster, crazier, and Valkyrie hung on to Skulduggery and then there was a jolt that almost sent her to her knees again... And the space beneath them, which had been empty only moments earlier, was now teeming with sorcerers, all blinking up at them. Valkyrie resisted the urge to jump up and down. Instead, she waved. “Hey,” she said. “Cool.” She followed Skulduggery out the door. “They’re my fans,” she explained. “They expect me to be cool at all times.” “Is that so?” “You wouldn’t understand.” “No, I don’t think I would.” “They idolise me.” 19 Text ©Derek Landy 2014, all rights reserved “Yes. Of course they do. You have a bit of sick dribbling down your chin, by the way.” “Aw man,” Valkyrie muttered. 20 Text ©Derek Landy 2014, all rights reserved