A Collection of Messages of Love From Our Share Community

Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Presents...
Notes of Hope
A Collection of Messages of Love
From Our Share Community
Table of Contents
Note Tit le
Page #
Dearest Baby Toby
4
Our Sweet Joshua
4
Sweet Samuel5
Sweet Isabel5
Product of Your Love
5
Precious Angel5
Sibling Love6
Bo, Sweet Boy
7
Our Jordy-Bug7
Kellyann’s Love7
The Most Magnificent Name
8
Sweet Michael8
Honoring Reese9
Sweet Shelby & Lee
9
Sweet Liv Emery
9
My Dear Fiona
9
Precious Noah Jack
9
My Precious Colby
10
Skidmore Girls10
Sweet Baby Girl
10
Kathryn Rose10
Precious Noah10
Angel Marie11
His Shoes17
Melody Grace11
Chaser Bug17
Poem for Bennett
Dearest Ethan18
11
Baby Cash11
Hannah Elizabeth Gayle
You Were Destin
12
Brendan Michael18
Beloved Chase Kyle
12
At First18
Miaha12
Owen Christopher19
Sweet Firstborn13
Matthew James19
Sweet Ryan13
Stephon Jr. (Champ)
20
Carima & Carter
13
Our Sweet Paige
20
Ava & Isabella
13
Baby Tator20
Our Little Angel
13
Dear Noah21
Ava Elizabeth14
Dearest Cora21
Baby Chaplain14
Quinn Avery22
I Held You, Adam
14
Violet Cate22
Baby Isaac14
Sweet Xavier22
Sweet Grandson15
Bryceson & Averee
Dear Casper David
Jaime, Natallie & Emillia
15
18
23
Jude & Thad15
Daughtery23
Eliza15
Josie24
My Angel Baby
16
First Grandchild24
Cohen Joseph16
Team Naomi24
Reese’s Love16
Please feel free to write your own beautiful Note of Hope here...
Our Sweet Joshua
Dearest Baby Toby
By: Ginny Watkins
By: Theresa Undem
My Dearest Baby Toby,
I miss you so much every single day. You are never far
from my mind and you are always alive in my heart. How
I wish I would have done things differently that day, the
things that I would go back and change, but I can’t. I hope
that you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I truly
didn’t know you even existed until you were already gone
and when I found out it was to late. If only I had known
before-I would have done things so differently. I love you
so much. I hope that you are safe, happy, and healthy up in
heaven and that you are having fun and being held and getting a ton of hugs from your grandfathers and friends. I almost can’t wait to get to heaven to see you for the first time
and get to meet you and get a chance to know you. You’re
my baby so I already know that you are strong and smart
and that you’ll have a good heart, but what are you really
like? What is your personality like? Whenever I’m not just
loving you and thinking about you-I’m wondering just who
you are. You have a lot of brothers and sisters down here
who think about you and love you too. They all know of you
as I talk very openly about you every chance I get to keep
your memory alive and in the hearts of everyone. We have
even adopted a piece of highway in your name that we clean
up every Spring and many trees have been planted in your
name as well. I have made the butterfly your symbol and
have at least one everywhere I go and in every room of my
home. I also wear a butterfly necklace that I have not taken
off since I lost you. I wish I had a grave stone to lay flowers at and to decorate, but I don’t so I use a place down by
the river on your stretch of highway, and a spot in the city
where you passed away and our yard. It’s funny how many
times your spirit has surrounded me. You would have been
born around Mother’s Day so that day is always hard on me
as is the first day of school. Knowing that one of my children is missing hurts-it’s kind of like a constant heart ache
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that if you don’t keep it in check can crush you. You are
somehow able to soften it though from heaven. I haven’t
had a Mother’s Day that I haven’t seen at least one butterfly
and the first day of school-the same. Thank you so much
for your little gifts from heaven. I love you too Toby and I
hope to see you someday. Until then know that you are forever in my heart, and in my prayers, and on my mind. Our
spirits are never far from one another for time and distance
cannot separate love.
Forever yours-Forever Mine! Love Mom!
Our sweet little angel Joshua, you are in our hearts always.
Your Papa Butch and Your Mimi know you are having a
great time in Heaven playing with all the other little angels.
We miss you and love you so much. Although you were already in heaven when you were born, we treasure the short
time we had with you. Your Uncle Chris and your Nana also
held you for a short time and we all had to let you go, knowing we will see you again in heaven. The Holy Spirit was
with your Mimi as I helped sweet Lisa give you a bath and
I put lotion on you and helped dress you so your mommy
and daddy could hold you and tell you goodbye. To see you
being baptized was beautiful. Your mommy and daddy love
you very much.
My precious, sweet, little, innocent one
I hope you are up in heaven having fun
How I wish you could have stayed with me
But God decided that it was not meant to be
I miss you each and every day
More than words could ever say
My hands and arms long to hold you
How I wish that I had gotten a chance to know you
God’s plans are right and good
We will always trust in Him as we should
Even as we believe that you are in his care
The pain and heartache are at times to much to bear
I want to plead with God for your case
That He will hold you close until I get to see your face
For now death for me holds no fear
It only means that to you I will be near
I will get to see you and for this there is no maybe
My precious, sweet, little, innocent baby
By: Virginia Watkins
Jesus loves the little children and you are so precious to us
and we will never forget you and will be with you soon.
Love you,
Papa Butch, Mimi, Uncle Chris and Family, and Nana
Sweet Samuel
By: Teresa Mackey
Mother of Samuel Brian Mackey
January 27, 2013 – April 14, 2013
Written Spring 2015
Deuteronomy 29:29 says…
The secret things belong to the Lord, but the revealed
things belong to us and our children forever.
As I struggle to make sense of Samuel’s death, I come
closer to the realization that I may not get an answer to
the fundamental question of “why?” until we are reunited
again. In the meantime, there are cherished things that
have been revealed to me that give Samuel’s life and death
precious meaning.
* Do not be critical or judgmental of others. Be
compassionate and understanding. Because until I get to
know someone and listen to their story, I have no idea what
they are going through.
* The lesson of letting go…of thoughts and actions, the
“stuff” of this earth that weighs me down and slows my
growth. Recognizing…having eyes to see and ears to hear…
what’s truly important and allowing the rest to fade away.
* Take baby steps. In the midst of grief, every step I took
felt like a step that was taking me further from Samuel. But
baby steps are necessary, for all facets of life. Taking baby
steps forward does not mean forgetting or leaving behind.
They are not a sign of weakness but of strength.
* Take absolutely nothing for granted. Not the house I live
in. Not the food I eat. Not the car I drive. Not the clothes I
wear. Not the family I have. Each day is a gift. Cherish every
breath I take, every breath that my family takes, because
something unexpected can happen at any moment and take
it all away, again.
* I don’t get mad anymore. It may look like I am on the
surface to make a point, but on the inside I’m calm. I don’t
get mad like I used to when my husband and I argue. I don’t
get mad when the kids are crying or making a mess. I don’t
allow that emotion to get the best of me. Oftentimes now,
on the inside, I am chuckling at what’s going on. And oh so
thankful.
* Because my life was flipped upside down…twice…first
with Samuel’s premature birth, then 11 weeks later with
his death…my heart doesn’t fully permit me get attached
to anything. I know it’s a defense mechanism due to the
devastation of my loss, but it also helps me keep perspective
that nothing is really mine to keep forever and that I’m
NOT in control.
* Listen to my body. Pay attention to the headaches, the
back aches, and how stress is affecting me. Those are cues
to slow down. To savor life’s moments. It’s been two years
since Samuel passed away. I still have waves of grief wash
over me at the most random of times. I still get triggered by
hearing the name Samuel or seeing a little boy about his age
or a youth sports team playing a game, wondering if Samuel
would like baseball or soccer.
Samuel will continue to teach and guide me. I look forward
to his lessons as they help me be a better wife to my
husband and mom to his sisters. He continues to live on
through each of us. We all have a story. We all have a need
to share our story, for it to be heard and received with the
fruits of the spirit.
Galatians 5:22 says…
The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,
goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
May your grief journey be one of healing.
Dearest Isabel
By: Therese
Dear Isabel,
You are always in our hearts. You will always be our sweet
baby girl, our first child.
Love always,
Mom, Dad, Isaac and Caroline
Product of Your Love
By: Joshua Padgett
To: Mommy & Daddy
From: Connor
Daddy please don’t look so sad
Mommy please don’t cry
I am in the arms of Jesus
And he sings me lullabies
Please don’t try to question God
Don’t think He is unkind
Don’t think He sent me to you and that
He changed his mind
You see I am special
And I’m needed up above
I’m the special child you gave Him
The product of your love
Precious Angel
By: Melody Ann Sumulong
To our precious Angel,
Not a day goes by since you were taken from us suddenly
& so soon, mommy and daddy miss you terribly. God
didn’t give you a chance. We wanted you so much and
worked hard for you. The IVF treatments & all the medical
reasons why you’re not here with us today pains us. We
ache everyday. It’s less than one year and your future,
our dreams are gone way too soon. Daddy and especially
mommy is trying our best to take it one day at a time. The
up’s and down’s, the tears and heartfelt memories, your
ultrasound pictures, your onesies, are here - never worn.
Baby Nathan, I try my best and I know you know I did and
am doing my best.
We love you forever,
Melody & Christian
5
6
Bo, Sweet Boy
By: Kathy Brunsmann
To Bo Whitefield Brunsmann Mitchell, my first grandchild, my
first grandson, my first letter to you. Bo, Sweet Boy, it’s been
five years this summer since your mama and daddy conceived
you. You all were living in Bozeman at the time… I was visiting
just two weeks before you died… that’s when they told me they
were pregnant with you. So I only knew you for two weeks.
Makes me so sad as I sit here writing this. In those two short
weeks, I had begun to make an afghan for you. I had never
crocheted before. It was green and purple. Your mama picked
out the colors. I purchased baby clothes, books, toys, flowers…
goodness Sweet Bo, I was so incredibly excited about being
your grandma!!!!! (Your brother Leeds has named me Ahma.)
You were so little. October 8th 2010 was a Friday. Totally and
without question the worst day ever. Your mama called me
and told me you had died and they were going to induce labor
so she would give you birth later that day or the next. They
went to the hospital and I made plans to fly to Bozeman. Both
of those things happened. But I arrived a short while after you
were born and did not get to see you. I am sad about that too.
I wish I could have held you, even for a moment. I have seen
your picture. You were in your daddy’s hand. I saw your face,
your eyes, your tiny tiny little body. A perfectly developed baby
boy. I wonder if you would have looked like me. Like Leeds.
Like Ezra.
Your mama was so in love with you. She knew you better than
anyone. She felt you. She talked to you. She stroked her tummy, which I’m confident you felt her touch. Bo, I loved you
too. And I still do. You were born on Saturday, early the next
morning, October 9, 2010. We buried you the next week in
that green and purple afghan. So sad. Your mama and daddy
released your care into the very hand of the Lord Jesus who
formed you.
I miss you Bo. I love you so. I am not certain of so many
things, but I am certain that I will get to be with you in heaven.
We will dance. We will sing. We will jump, skip, ride bikes…
perhaps even some things that I have no concept of at this
point. You are my first grandson and I love you to the moon
and back!! I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always; as long
as forever my grandboy you’ll be!!
Always and forever, your Ahma
Our Jordy-Bug
By: Kelly Sander
In memory of Jordyn Tyse-Dallas Sander ~
3.14.2012 - 3.28.2012
Dear Jordy-Bug,
Three years. Wow. It seems like an eternity since we last held
you in our arms. A lot has happened since you came into our
world on March 14, 2012 and left so soon after. We said good
bye for now to Grandpa Nockerts in July 2013, and two weeks
later on August 1st we welcomed your little sister Joslyn. Your
younger brother Tysen was born eighteen months after that
in February 2015. Needless to say, it’s been a busy few years.
Although we love your “rainbow” siblings with all of our being,
we sure do miss our little Bug.
Your sister and brother are too young to understand your
story, but Joslyn recognizes you in your photos and calls you
“Sissy.” When she sees a ladybug, she says “Bug!” and then
“Sissy!” Often she stands in front of your curio cabinet, staring
at your urn and trinkets. It warms our hearts that she’s getting
to know her big sister; it’s really remarkable how she has taken
to you and your things.
Parenting a child in heaven and two on earth is an emotional balancing act. It breaks our hearts when we think about
everything we’re missing in your life, while we celebrate all
the milestones in your siblings’ lives. We pray that what we
miss with you will be made up when we finally join you in your
heavenly home. Until then, we hope we do you proud while
raising Joss and Tyse. Our promise to you is that they will continue to learn about you, grow to love you, and help us keep
your memory alive.
Please give Grandpa lots of hugs and kisses, and know that we
love and miss you more than anyone can imagine.
All our love,
Daddy (Dennis), Mommy (Kelly), Joslyn, & Tysen
xoxo
Our Jordy-Bug
By: Grandma Nockerts
In honor of my Granddaughter, Jordyn “TD” Sander
Dear Jordy,
You are missed so much. It’s hard to believe it has been over
three years already. I know you are in a better place and have
lots of friends, but that does not ease the pain of missing you.
Every place I look in my home and in your parents’ home,
there are pictures and reminders of you. We all have lots of
ladybug decorations, and each and every one of them reminds
us of “Our Jordy-Bug.”
Hope you are enjoying the walks with Grandpa Nockerts and
Great Grandma Anna Nockerts. If you want a few chuckles,
ask Great Grandma to tell you some stories of when your
Mommy was your age, I’m sure you will enjoy them.
Please watch over your Mommy & Daddy, sister Joslyn, and
brother Tysen. They are adorable siblings.
Thinking of you always and missing you so much.
Love,
Grandma Nockerts
Kellyann’s Love
Kellyann Morgan Vaughn
I stopped by to see you today and brought something to make
you smile…did you see me?
I spoke quietly, words just for you, and lingered for a while…
did you hear me?
You were born as an angel, with the purest of love.
Sharing your sweet spirit as you watch from above.
Holding you in my heart….mimi
7
The Most Magnificent Name
By: Debra Fennessy
The Most Magnificent Name
The little Lady Bug in her bright red dress with the black polka
dots gently stepped from letter to letter as she sounded out the
name etched in the stone:
M-I-C-H-A-E-L T-E-E-T-U
“Isn’t that a most magnificent name!” she said to her friend
the Butterfly who was also adorned in her most beautiful outfit
– a sparkling affair of black and orange with just a hint of
yellow.
antennae to one side of her very small temple as she thought
for a while. Finally, she said, “Why is this most magnificent
name etched in the stone?”
The Lady Bug sighed a very big sigh, and in a very quiet and
respectful voice said “Michael Teetu has gone to heaven to be
with God. His name is etched in the stone to mark his body’s
final resting place.”
The Butterfly pressed her wings together and sent out a prayer
to the heavens:
Let us pray for the wee ones who left us too soon.
“Oh yes, a most magnificent name,” said the Butterfly.
Let us pray to the Universe, the Stars, and the Moon.
As the Butterfly settled down on the dot above one of the “I’s”
she said, “How did he come to have such a magnificent name?”
Let us pray to God as he welcomes them home.
“Well, Michael is the name his parents gave him,” said the
Lady Bug. “Since his Daddy is a handsome and intelligent
policeman, it seemed ever so appropriate. You see, Saint
Michael is the Patron Saint of policemen everywhere.”
Dry the tears of their loved ones who grieve every day.
“I had no idea”, said the Butterfly. “How very splendid and
perfect! Was Teetu a Saint as well?”
“Oh no, silly Butterfly” uttered the Lady Bug. “Teetu is the
name his big brother gave him long before he had any other
name. Big brother would press his ear to his Mommy’s
tummy and tell his teeny tiny sibling how much he loved
him. Although he was a pretty small boy himself, he was wise
beyond his years. He knew how important it was to have a
name, so he gave him one!”
“Oh how sweet and wonderful!” exclaimed the Butterfly.
The Butterfly thanked her friend for telling her the story of
“The Most Magnificent Name”. Then she touched her
8
Keep them safe and happy, and never alone.
Help them cope with their pain as on Earth they must stay.
Let us never forget how beautiful they were.
How amazing, how fragile, how precious, how pure.
This prayer we send out to the Heavens above.
Let the tiny babes hear us as we send them our love.
“That was quite lovely,” said the Lady Bug as she waved
goodbye to her friend and flew away.
Sweet Michael
By: Eileen
My dear sweet Michael,
I have so much to say. I could write sheets and sheets. I have
already said a lot - spoken to you while you were in my womb,
during your few precious hours of life, and since you have
passed. I know that I can talk to you whenever I want and that
you will hear me, for I will carry you with me always. I know
that you are in a place of unsurpassing beauty and love and
light and knowledge. I know that you are far wiser than I; that
you recognize your purpose and accept your journey, however
short it may have been. I know that what happened only weeks
ago happened for a reason and it was good and right.
Despite all that I know, I am deeply grieving. My head and my
heart are in opposition. I am angry at my body for betraying
us. I am guilty for failing you. I am isolated in my experience.
And I am fearful for the future.
However grateful I am for the time we did have with one
another, I am greedy. I wanted more. I wanted to witness your
long and amazing life. I wanted to be blessed in mothering
you. I wanted to watch you grow and get to know your quarks.
I wanted to see you and Christopher bond in brotherhood.
And I want you here with me, now… so very badly.
“Thank you for telling me the story of The Most Magnificent
Name,” shouted the Butterfly as her friend disappeared into a
puffy blue cloud.
My heart aches. My tears would fill rivers. But mostly, my soul
longs for understanding. I ask for your help with this. I also
ask that you watch over your brother and keep him safe, as I
expect you would have done in this reality.
Then the Butterfly gently flapped her beautifully adorned
wings and soared into the sky.
Oh, Michael, my angel baby. I love you and miss you more
than words can say. This is not “goodbye”; it is “see you later.”
She, of course, told EVERYONE in her very LARGE family the
story of The Most Magnificent Name!
Love,
Mommy
Honoring Reese
By: Amanda Brown
Written for Reese Nikkel, daughter of my dear friends
Michele and Ben of Roanoke, VA
Dear Reese,
I know we never got to meet face to face but I am so glad
to still have known you. Your time with your Mommy and
Daddy, though short, was a wonderful time. Since I was also
pregnant, your Mom and I quickly became great friends. It
was a hard time for all when you passed but your parents
chose to honor you in light and love. They have been and
continue to be bright and shining examples of strength and
resilience. I admire so much their ability to view your loss
as an opportunity, always seeking to share your story to
help others. Your parents are still my very great friends. I’m
so glad I’ve been able to learn so much about the power of
choosing positively and the bonds of the human spirit through
the journey they’ve taken with you. These are lessons and
attributes I can share with my own daughter and through that,
you are truly always with us. Thank you for your gift!
With love,
Amanda Brown
Sweet Shelby & Lee
By: Jennifer Brehm
My sweet Shelby and Lee,
Words cannot express how special you are to us. You both
gave us such a special gift. Finding out that I was pregnant
with each of you, and the short time it lasted with each of you,
was the purest joy we have ever known. It is a comfort to know
that life on Earth is short compared to eventually being with
you both in heaven for eternity.
All our love always,
Mommy, Daddy, and your brother Charlie
Sweet LivEmery
By: Erica Gallardo
Sweet Liv Emery Gallardo, how I long to see your face, hear
your voice and hold you...to see your perfection in Heaven.
Anencephaly rocked our world. Although we know that you
were and are a blessing in every facet of the word! I know
you’re in an amazing place! Much more beautiful than the
things in this world. You know everyday when we get close to
Brother’s school, he says “Eww gross, smells like Rockin’ egg!”
So at least you don’t have to smell “rotten egg” in Heaven. :)
Oh sweet Liv, what an assignment you had here on Earth! You
did more for people in your 7 hours in Mommy & Daddy’s
arms that I think I’ve done for the Kingdom of God in my 31
years! You are truly missed my Mommy, Daddy, Big Brother
Lyndon, Grandma, Paw Paw and the whole family! I know that
you come to visit often. Lyndon says that you come down to
play with him, tell him that you love him and to give Mommy
hugs and kisses. He’s a great big brother and does both of
those things for you...for us. You’re a wonderful Baby Sister!
We pray that we’ll see you again one day. Until then, you do
your best at leading that Children’s Choir in Heaven, like Paw
Paw said you were going to do! :) Worship like nobody has
ever worshiped! Sing God’s praises and Dance through the
streets of gold in praise. We love and miss you deeply every
single day Liv! Though, we still celebrate and honor you...
you’d be 2 soon. You’ll ALWAYS and FOREVER be a part of us
and a part of our family!
Love you Sweet Princess,
Mommy, Daddy & Lyndon
My Dear Fiona
By: Rachel Silk
Dear Fiona,
Here is my love letter to you, my dear sweet daughter.
Your dad and I love you so much and miss you every single
moment. Our hearts just ache for you, to hold you, to be with
you, to play with you, to watch you grow up. You would be
almost three years old when this letter is published.
It is hard to believe that three years have passed since you
came into this world on December 12, 2012. You were just
perfect, absolutely beautiful, and still.
Since I became your mom, I have tried to make you
proud - you made me want to be more thoughtful, kind,
understanding, and patient. I didn’t think I could survive
without you in my arms here on earth, but as Christopher
Robin says to Winne the Pooh ....”If ever there is tomorrow
when we’re not together.. there is something you must
always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger
than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most
important thing is, even if we’re apart.. I’ll always be with
you.” Thank you for always being with me.
I Love You, Your mommy
Precious Noah Jack
By: Andrea Aufderheide
Dear Baby Noah,
Though we only got to hold you in our arms for a few hours,
you forever live in our hearts. We remember you whenever
we see a butterfly flutter by. We remember you when we look
at your picture and kiss you “good night” every evening. We
know that you are by our sides whenever we hold your baby
brother in our arms. We love you with all of our hearts and
souls, our little butterfly, our angel in heaven, our precious
Noah Jack.
Love, Mommy and Daddy
9
My Precious Colby
Sweet Baby Girl
By: Corrie
Precious Noah
To my precious Colby:
My Sweet Baby Girl,
Mommy loves you and misses you baby girl.
A Love Letter for Our Precious Grandson Noah
By: Amy Smith, Amy Kusmer
You are loved and missed always! You will forever be in our
hearts, until we meet again in heaven and live together for all
eternity.
Love
Mommy, Daddy, and Connor
Skidmore Girls
By: Karen Milner
To my children, Kylie & Aymie (Skidmore girls):
I will always miss both of you and always wish you were here
to share our lives and the lives of your sisters. I know that
Grandma and Grandpa are with you now and hope that you
have met them.
I loved them and always will, and I love both of you so much.
There is no way to bring you to Earth to be with us, and I will
always think “what if” I had gone to the doctor earlier, but I
cannot change the past.
Thank you for the short time that you spent with us; I am
grateful for that. Some day maybe I will understand why you
had such a short time to live; I can only hope there is some
explanation. Take care of Grandma and Grandpa and let them
know I miss them.
Karen, Keith, Emilie & Shelbie
Love, Mommy
Kathryn Rose
By: Sheryl & Barry Cushman
In memory of our baby girl, stillborn May 29, 1985
Dear Kathryn Rose,
This year marks thirty (30) years since you were stillborn. It
seems like a lifetime ago, but yet it also seems like this occurred yesterday. In those 30 years, there has never been a
day that I have not thought about you, or stopped loving you.
You were and have always been loved. We sometimes wonder
why you were chosen to be with God and not with us; but we
know there must be a reason. Over all these years, we continue wonder what a difference life would be like if you were still
alive. We would have witnessed your 1st birthday, your 1st day
of kindergarten; your 1st day of high school; your high school
graduation; perhaps your going to college and that graduation;
and perhaps, you would have found your life partner, and
married and maybe would have had a child of your own. All of
these things we have missed by your death.
We are thankful that we were able to hear your heartbeat, and
that were thankful that we were able to hold you after your delivery. We hope and pray that you know how much you were
wanted, and how much your daddy and I love you, and always
will.
Love you always and forever, Mommie and Daddy.
10
By: Arlene Brooke
“We’re pregnant!” How excited we were to hear those words.
Finally-- a grandchild and then not one but two. We were
very sad when your little sister or brother didn’t make it, but
you were growing bigger and stronger every day. And then we
found out that you were a “boy”, a grandson named “Noah”.
We called you by name, Noah. We spoke about you by name,
Noah. And we loved you by name, Noah. What a blessing!
We bought you gifts – a crib and dresser, little outfits and
books – all for our Noah. We had a baby shower and you
received so many beautiful things from people who already
loved you. You received a stroller, car seat, pack n play, hichair, lots of cute outfits and lots and lots of books – all for our
Noah.
We spoke with your Mommy every day. “How are you feeling
and how is our little Noah?” Everything was fine and you were
almost here. We couldn’t wait to meet you in person, to hold
you and hug you and kiss your little feet – our little Noah.
But it was not meant to be and we lost you. We lost our precious little Noah, whom we loved for nine months. Thankfully,
we did get to hold you and hug you and kiss you.
Your pictures are on our dresser and you are always in our
hearts. You are and will always be our precious little grandson,
our Noah.
You will always be remembered and always loved.
From your Mimi and PopPop
Angel Marie
Mel ody Grace
I sit here staring at the sky
Wondering what happened and trying not to cry.
Melody Grace, I think of you often, I know Heaven is nice.
By: Stacie White
Fighting back tears, trying to breath, missing you with every
fiber in me.
Why’d you have to leave so soon, I need you with me, I don’t
understand....
Why can’t you be with me, holding my hand?
By: Ashlee Pepper
You were gone way too soon, but I guess that’s alright.
Do you have pony up there? I had planned to get you one
down here.
Although I never got to hold you, or see your sweet face, the
pictures I’ve seen have taken my breath away.
I sit here wishing every night, that you were still with me and
things were alright.
I love you so much, why couldn’t you stay? I would give
anything to change that terrible day.
Your hair was perfect, so pretty and red. But you had a little
blonde too just like your mom.
Everyday I miss you.
I can’t begin to explain this hurt.
I can feel my heart weakening, breaking in two.
All your days were planned before you were born, and I guess
God knew that he would need you more.
I don’t deserve this, the world is so cruel, all I wanted was to
be with you.
To live a happy life, that’s full of dreams and smiles, all that’s
left now is emptiness for miles.
No matter where I go, no matter what I do, my thoughts and
feelings revolve around you. How do I forget? How do I cope?
When I’ve lost my life, my love, my hope.
You looked just like your dad, and that made me proud.
When I see beautiful sunsets, rainbows, or hear the howling of
the wind, I can’t help but think maybe you had some little part
in providing that for me.
Poem for Bennett
By: Carly Robb
You were supposed to be the child that healed us.
You were supposed to be our first son.
You were supposed to be our rainbow.
Two out of three isn’t too bad.
We made it past the first trimester without telling many.
We made it past the second trimester by telling a few.
We didn’t finish the third.
34 weeks, 1 day.
Your biggest sister will likely remember little.
Your big sister knows you better than me.
How can that be? Doesn’t a mother know her child best?
Many wish you were here with us.
But me, I wish I was there with you.
I want you to know how much you are missed, our lives just
aren’t the same without your sweet face.
Baby Cash
We will meet again one day soon, and what a glorious day that
will be.
Our Dear Baby Cash;
By: Cristiane Cash
I’m not ready to accept it, not ready to give in. I just want what
we had, to have you here, in my arms again.
Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you and wish that our
lives were still intertwined. The day I heard the news and
the three weeks that followed were full of love and joy, and I
immersed myself in the love I felt and in trying to learn how
to be an expectant mother and to do the best job I could, but
unfortunately, it wasn’t to be. I will forever cherish the time
you spent in my belly, and I know your soul lives on and we
shall be together in the future. Until then, I send you my love.
Dedicated to my sweet Angel Marie who got her wings
August 13, 2014
Sincerely,
Mom
I miss my sweet little Angel,
without you, life has been so painful.
I want you, I need you, I love you so much. I don’t want to let
you go, I’ll miss you too much.
But until that day comes, just know you are loved and live
forever in our hearts.
11
You Were Destin
By: Casey Merrell
In memory of Destin Allen Merrell,
born on January 27th, 2015
Destin – 14 weeks loved
Three years of marriage, followed by a decision to try
Two pink lines, followed by weeks of planning, joy, and hope
Four long days of sorrow, followed by a breathless birth
Two months and counting of tears, remembrance, and healing
Names had been discussed while you were in my belly
But, then the words “no heartbeat” were said out loud
Our heart shattered into tiny pieces on the ground
And we decided you shall remain nameless
We thought it would be easier that way
Laying in the hospital in a drug-induced labor
The word ‘destine’ invaded my otherwise empty head
I said the name Destin out loud and a tear wept down your
dad’s face
You were forever named and forever etched into our lives
A few hours later we saw your sweet face for the first time
As hard as it was, I kept telling myself, ‘destine’
This was Destin
This was destine to happen
We were destine to only carry you for a short time
We were destine to lose you
We were destine to carry on your memory
You were Destin
Even though you were only in our lives for a short amount
of time you’ve made a huge impact on both of us. We missed
out on teaching you all the lessons in life, but in return you’ve
taught us the most important lessons in life… we’ve grown
a little wiser and learned to love a little deeper. For that I’ll
always be grateful for you and your short life.
12
Beloved Chase Kyle
By: Michelle Foster
My Beloved Chase Kyle Foster,
It has been nearly two years since you left this world for
Heaven. Your life and your death have changed me in more
ways than I can even remember. I don’t remember the time
before you. Some of the changes have been for the worse. I
have lost all innocence and naivety and now know that life is
too fragile, too short, too spectacularly unfair, no matter how
you choose to live it. That there is nothing that you can to do
to “beat the odds” or make sure “it” doesn’t happen to you. I
am also more fearful now, afraid I will someone else I hold so
dear.
Some of the changes have been good, however. I want to live
my life in a way that would make you proud to be my son.
Most of the time, I fall measurably short of this goal, but
sometimes there is a light that shines through me. That light is
you.
Because you are 50% your father and because I have the
extraordinary blessing of raising your twin brother here on
earth, I know that you would have been just as miraculous,
just as silly, just as brilliant and just as beautiful. In short, you
are, were, and would be nothing short of perfection.
You were here with us for 30 days. I hope you felt love in the
midst of all the chaos of the NICU. We spent much of the
time separated by the plastic of an isolette, but on those rare
occasions when I held you inside my shirt, so close to my
heart, I hope you felt my love and unfaltering pride in you.
I still, to this day, cannot believe how incredibly strong you
were. You fought so hard to be with us until the very end. You
experienced more hardships than anyone should ever have
to go through, and for that I carry deep regret and sorrow. I
would have given my life to keep you safe, but it wasn’t my
choice to make. I am very fearful that I will live with this pain
and sadness of not being able to save you. I think about it all
the time. I know I should not carry this with me. My hope is
that it will continue to ease as time goes on and I will be able
to honor you with joy and not sadness. Because you deserve
nothing less than joy.
I want you to know that my love for you is unending, no
matter how much time comes between us. My grief has
transformed, but that in no way reflects how important you
are and how much I cherish you. You will always be my first
born, the boy who made me a mommy.
We will always make sure you are an important part of our
family. It still stings, but we will make sure Evan knows who
you are and feels the same unfailing love that your father and
I do.
You are in a place of peace, joy, light and love. I know you
feel no pain of this world now and I take some solace in that.
Meanwhile, I’ll be here, thinking about the time when all
things will be made new and we will be together again. It will
be a glorious day. Until then, I will continue on with the love
I have for you and the sadness I have from losing you until
the day you’re in my arms again. You have my heart now and
forever.
Your Mommy
Miaha
By: Faye Elisa
Dear Miaha,
I think of you often and I realized that you have become
my guide. That has led me to an ever winding road of new
discoveries each day, week, month and year. No matter what
mood you find me in; YOU will always find me
During my worst and even my best. I can never live without
you, but I know deep
Down you have become my guiding light throughout the
years-and I never want that
Special bond to end between us – you are my special shadow
that represents me
In every way, my moods, my laughter, my jokes, my hurts, my
tears, my successes and even my
Wants and desires. Wherever I go you are there on my left, my
right, behind me, around me and above me-you and me-for
life.
Lovingly yours- your mom
Remembrance: Miaha Faye-Nov 9, 1998 | Stillborn.
Sweet First born
By: Roberta Alba-Estrada
Sweet firstborn son or daughter,
I love you and miss you so much. I can’t believe it’s been over
18 years since you went to Heaven. Mommy is sorry I didn’t
get to raise you, but I look forward to the day when we can be
together forever. Lucky you got to meet your grandmother
this year when she joined you. I asked her to give you lots
of love on my behalf. Please give my love to our friends and
family, to Monica and Mary, and most of all to God. I am so
thankful he created you and blessed me with you.
I love you.
Mom
PS - Daddy loves you too and so does Maria, Jisela, Abriana
& Marcos
Sweet Ryan
By: Hilary Plattus
Ryan,
This year would have been your bar mitzvah. Thirteen years
old. Wow. It still feels like yesterday when you became an
angel. Daddy and I miss you but we love knowing you are
watching over us and your brothers and sister and that one
day we will get to hold you in our arms again. We were in
Arizona when we delivered you on April 2, 2002. We will all
be thinking of you and missing you when we are in Arizona
this April 2nd. Please know we love you so much and you will
always be in our hearts. Wherever I go, whatever I see, over
oceans unknown, you are always with me.
We love you.... Mommy and Daddy.
Carima & Carter
By: Shamina Gilmore
Carima D. Wilson & Carter D. Wilson
Mommy loves you and daddy too
Mommy and daddy are lost without you
You left us both in the middle of the night
We hoped you’d make it but you left us with no fight
It all seems to be a dream
But we awake and you’re not here
We look to the sky and see your wings appear
Our two little angels watching over us
We know you’ll be back into the future we thrust
Can’t wait to see your beautiful faces, your smiles and your
laughs
Your warm little hands and arms
Feet and toes
These are our mommy and daddy woes
Carima and Carter please know that mommy and
Daddy love you
With all our heart and souls.
Love,
Mommy and Daddy
Our Litt l e Angel
By: Becca Sullins
Our Little Angel
You’re an angel watching over us every night we sleep.
You’re an angel sitting beside us every time we weep.
We wanted to take you home with us but the doctors told us
no.
You will still be our baby girl even thought you had to go.
You were only with us for a little while and it made us feel
alone.
But we know you’re in a better place with God in his beautiful
home.
When I sit alone at night and you are not with me.
I wonder what you’re doing and wish that I could see.
I love you every day and I think about you every night.
I know that you’re in Heaven but I still pray that you’re alright.
You’re out little angel and you will always be in our heart.
Sometime the day will come and we will no longer be apart.
In the future when we need you you’ll be watching from above.
Because you’re our little angel and you’ll always have our love.
Ava & Isabell a
By: Author Not Provided
To Our Little Angel:
Miranda Rose Ulrich, 6/24/11
Love always,
Mommy & Daddy
My sweet baby girls, my divas, my angels, Ava and Isabella,
I miss you both everyday. You are always on my mind. I
carry each of you in my heart with me everyday and I always
will. You have made me such a better person. I am so much
stronger because of you both. I thank god everyday for having
the honor of being your mother. I love you my puddin pop and
my lovebug.
Love Always, Mommy
13
Ava Elizabeth
Baby Chapl ain
Dear Ava Elizabeth,
Dear Baby Chaplain:
It was only 79 days that you were mine. I knew of your
existence for only 50 days. But in that short time, I grew to
love you as much as I love your sister.
By: Stephanie McGowan
Would today have been the day you should’ve been born? I’ve
been asking myself that question for the past few weeks...The
moment we saw your heartbeat on August 13, 2012 was the
best 5 minutes of our lives. We didn’t know what to expect
when we sat waiting in the exam room. Based on our visit
the week before it wasn’t looking so good, but I knew! I knew
deep down we were gonna see a sac. Mother’s instinct??? Well
I was right we saw a sac and we even saw your heartbeat. We
were shocked, in awe, and most of all instantly in love. It made
all the stressful, heart stopping, insane moments leading up
to that all worth it. It was surreal...pure bliss! I told Dr. Navot
you were a miracle and you were. 12 embryos and you were
the only one without that nasty genetic translocation. You
were perfect!
I still don’t understand why you had to have anencephaly.
After everything we went through to get you. Why did you
have to have a birth defect that had nothing to do with the
translocation?
I should be holding you in my arms not mourning your loss.
I should be washing your little pink clothes not sleeping with
the blanket the hospital placed next to you after you passed. I
should be feeding you a bottle not crying on Daddy’s shoulder.
These are my thoughts for today. I wish I was telling you all
of this in person but that’s not how it is. So I’ll write to you...
my fears, my joy, my sadness, my questions, and my love. You
are my strength! I know you are with daddy and I guiding us
through.
All my love,
Mommy
By: Sharon Chaplain
What a cruel twist of fate! I remember praying to God that if
this wasn’t meant to be, to please take her now. He didn’t.
And from that day forward, I’ve done everything I can to keep
her happy and healthy. With you, I prayed to God to please
let me keep you no matter what, and did everything I could do
to keep you happy and healthy. But that wasn’t enough. We
wanted you so badly and were preparing for you in all sorts of
ways. Dad was getting ready to paint and redo the electric in
the house. Your sister was thinking about all the things she
could teach you that would annoy the crap out of me. I was
thinking about what to name you and who you’d look like and
how much all our lives would change. We were all looking
forward to 11-11-11 and your first Christmas. I envisioned
you cheering your sister on during softball games and horse
competitions, annoying the dog the way he annoys us now. I
thought about how wonderful it would be to create another
new life out of me and your dad-how wonderful a person you’d
be because you’d be a part of us and our family.
But not now. I can’t even name you. I can’t look at pictures
of your face because there aren’t any. I’ll never know if you
had your dad’s eyes or my nose or your sister’s beautiful hair.
I’ll never know how tall you’d get or what you’d be great at
in school or if you’d like to read as much as I do. But I know
what it feels like to lose a child. I know what it feels like to
have a dead baby inside you. I know what it feels like to be
empty.
If anything good can be said of this, I guess it’s the chance
I got to have you for 79 days. I now know what it feels like
to anticipate the arrival of my second child. And I know,
painfully, how much we absolutely wanted you and how
absolutely awful it feels to lose you.
Love always,
Mom
14
I Held You, Adam
By: Mary Ann Sullivan
….Just a few days ago, but it seems like a thousand years.
Your warm body melted into love as you nestled in my arms.
I looked down into beautiful baby blue eyes as your tiny hand
wrapped around my fingers.
I sang softly, and you sang back to me.
I glanced up for a moment at the world outside your window.
What sharp contrast to this peaceful time alone with you in my
arms.
Just you and me, and I thanked God for you. For you are the
real bud of Springtime. The miracle of you sprouts forth each
day giving us hope and a reason to live joyfully and to love.
You and I will have many more conversations.
But this time was special. This time we forged a special bond
and felt God’s love together.
I held you close to me, Littlest Man, and watched your tiny
face as you drifted off to sleep in my arms.
Love, MumMum
Baby Isaac
By: Kristi Tramont | Baby Isaac. Born 8-16-14
My sweet baby boy how you came to us oh too soon
Then had to go away and take your place amongst the stars
and the moon
I held you not too tight you were so tiny and so sweet
I did not want to think that this was how we would first meet
I hear you in your brothers voice and know you are guiding
from above
I hope to one day see you again and let you feel our love
My angel is how I call on you when sitting here all alone
I know that you have a place of love in Gods special home
Love, Mommy and Daddy
Sweet Grandson
Dear Casper David
Eliza
So Sorry
My dearest Casper David,
Dear Eliza,
So Sorry baby Grandson, your warmth I’ll never know
You will never know the amazing people waiting for you to
show
The day I found out you were gone has been and will always
be the hardest day of my life. I miss you so much, it hurts to
breathe. I know you helped bring your little brother safely
into my arms, and I know he sees you and talks to you. That
brings me so much joy.
Sweet girl, it’s been four years without you. If someone had
told me four years ago that I’d still miss you this much, I
wouldn’t have believed it were possible. But the truth is that
four years is an awfully short time, and I still don’t want to let
you go.
By: Sherry Arbogast
Your Mommy and your Daddy, who couldn’t wait to see
A smiling, laughing, rambunctious boy to complete their
family
Grace is your big sister, she couldn’t wait to be
She would have been a special friend for eternity
You never met your cousin; so beautiful and so smart
She would have given you all the love she has in her big warm
heart
Then there are your grandmas, we would try our best to share
As we pass you around the room; kiss your forehead and brush
your hair
I wish you’d met your grandpas, quite a rowdy crowd.
They would have taught you to play soccer and water ski, and
you would have made them proud
We can’t forget your uncles, so excited you were a boy
They would have shown you how to be rough and tough, you
would have brought them joy
Then there are your aunts who would throw a great big fit
If they missed an opportunity, a chance to babysit
So see my baby Grandson, I’m so sorry you won’t be
But your tiny heart has touched us all
We will miss you,
Goodnight sweet baby
By: Jennifer Olson
I watch the sky looking for you, I try so hard to be strong for
the girls. But I cant stop wishing you were here.... You are
the most pain I have ever felt in my life, but also the most
beautiful life I have ever known. I love you so much more
than just to the moon and back.
I will always spend the rest of my days trying to get you back
to me, as close as you were for those 33 long weeks. Only you
can make my broken heart full again. Please keep watch over
your sisters and brother. They miss you every day. Thank
you for bringing such love into my life, a family who truly
understands. I love you more than all the stars in the sky,
baby boy. Until the end of my days...
Love,
Your mommy Jenna
xoxo
Kaylie, Wynter, and Soren too
Jude & Thad
By: Marybeth Walz
To My Precious Angels Jude and Thad,
Mommy misses you both every minute of every day. I hope
your smiling in Heaven.
I’m smiling because I know Jesus will hold you both until
Mommy can hold you again.
Until then… All my love, All my life!
Mom
By: Brooke Taylor
Your sisters have lit up our lives, but they also speak to all you
might have been and all you would have done. In them, I see
the mystery of you every day. Would you have had brown eyes
like Zuzu or blue eyes like Coco? Would you have been curious
and active like them, or might you have been my easy-going,
good sleeper? Who would you have been? How would you
have shaped our family? Your sisters are here because of, not
instead of, you. I will always mourn the family we would have
been if you were here, too.
In making me a mom, you broke my heart wide open. You
introduced me to a world of grief and loss that I had been
lucky enough, and also foolish enough, to have ignored.
Because in this world of sorrow and longing, I’ve gotten to the
truth of the matter, and that, my dear girl, is love.
You taught me that, in a silent hospital room, when I wished
that it had be me instead of you, when I made decisions in
shock that I later regretted. I’m sorry I didn’t count your little
toes. I’m sorry I felt so rushed, though really there would
never be time enough in the world to tell you how much I love
you and how much you were wanted. I’ll never be a perfect
mom, not to you and not to your sisters, but I can tell you now
that my best moments are a reflection of what I learned from
you.
Love always,
Mommy
15
My Angel Baby
Cohen Joseph
My precious Matthew was born sleeping on December 4th,
2014. The credit for this poem for him goes to Heather on
familyfriendpoems.com, and has been altered just slightly.
A gentleman I work with, Timothy McHugh, wrote this for
me soon after the death of my one day old baby boy, Cohen
Joseph Stephens. It was such a blessing for myself and others
closely involved, and I believe it could be meaningful to so
many other mommies out there that are living the same
horrifying nightmare that I am right now. I hope you and
any others that may come to read this will be moved by the
words within as much as I was.
By: Ashley Roth
My Angel Baby
I never got to see your eyes,
or hold your hand, or hear your cries.
All I have are dreams of you,
those of which, will never come true.
My heart sank the day that I knew,
I would never get to meet you.
I had made plans, and had aspirations,
if only I had a little more patience.
I never thought the Lord would take you
away from me so soon.
But, I’ll never forget that dismal day,
just hours before noon.
The day I knew something was not right,
and through many tears I would have to fight.
Now, all I do is dream every night,
about what life would have been like.
What if you really had been born?
But all we have are dreams of that,
and all we can do is mourn.
We will not mourn for you though,
because we know you’re where you need to be,
even though it isn’t here with me.
You are my angel baby because God wanted you with Him.
Now, forever with his angels, His praises you will sing.
None of my dreams for you will ever come true,
because of that day God chose to take you.
But, my angel baby you will always be,
in my heart forever, forever a part of me.
I love you Matthew. I wish with every part of me that you
could be with me, but at least I know you are in the arms of
the Savior.
16
By: Jamie Stephens
Mommy please stop crying,
I don’t understand the tears.
Here I’m always laughing,
And left behind the worldly fears.
They told you I couldn’t happen, But you took on the fight.
Now I’ve got a place in heaven,
Let me be your guiding light.
All the struggles that you went through, Just to make me
whole.
Mommy it was worth it,
Because you gave me a soul.
Now I get to help you,
As you travel down life’s roads.
God has given me his angels,
Let me help you with your loads.
So Mommy no more sadness,
Just fill your life with joy.
I’m protected and I’m loved,
Because now Jesus has your baby boy…
Reese’s Love
By: Jessica White
Reese,
I will never forget the day I learned that you had passed
from this life into the next. I was at work and the day
seemed to be coming along as usual, that is, until an
email from one of our elders came up on my phone. I
quickly read it to see what the content would be. The
email had been sent to notify our congregation that you
had passed from this life into the next and your mom
would be giving birth to deliver your lifeless body the
following day.
While I was reading it I remember being in shock, I
even had to stop reading and start from the beginning a
couple of times. I immediately picked up my work phone
to call my husband, he worked a few floors down from
me. He came up to my desk and we prayed for you and
your family. My heart hurt so much for your parents,
not for you though. I knew that you were able to skip the
heartache that this physical life can bring and go straight
to paradise.
As a parent, you envision what it will be like to see your
children grow up and do various things but your mom
and dad wouldn’t get that, and that’s what made me
so sad. I think of you often and I remind myself when
I’m having difficult days with my own little girls that I
shouldn’t take them for granted. 1Thessalonians 5:18
tells us to give thanks in every thing, that’s because a
Christian has hope for an eternity in Heaven and nothing
we can endure in this physical life can be too much to
gain that kind of reward.
Your mom has already helped so many because of her
loss and I know that she finds comfort in knowing that
your fate of Heaven is sealed, we all do. I pray that
Jeremy and I will raise our girls in a way that will allow
them to meet you one day. There is much love for you,
Reese.
His Shoes
By: Linda Stirling | www.hopeforabrokenheart.com
This poem was written by me to be slipped into the shoes of a
little boy who died in a boat accident on the bay in San Diego
harbor. I was asked by the police chaplain to accompany
him when he returned the shoes to the mother who had
requested them. Ultimately, the mother asked if the shoes
could be left on their porch, but the poem was in the shoes.
Two years later the grandmother read my book, recognized
the incident mentioned about Anthony and wrote me a letter
thanking me that her grandson would be memorialized in
my book, a compilation of twelve true stories about mothers’
victory over grief after the death of a child.
His Shoes
When first I saw his little feet
An infant so divine,
I marveled at this precious gift,
This darling boy of mine.
They grew so fast those little feet,
They soon found strength to stand.
Before too long with confidence sure
Into the world he ran.
Through puddles slick and mud so thick
How boys do love such muck.
A child’s play each and every day,
‘Til he finally found the puck.
Walking shoes to racing skates,
Hockey was his calling.
Those growing feet had their wings
Their goal was that of scoring.
How big those feet may have grown,
It’s not for us to know.
Now his field is dusted with gold
And a different wind does blow.
Swept away, that life so prime,
We hardly believe it’s true.
All the promise, times to come
Seem lost, what can we do?
The painful time of letting go
Does not mean giving away.
Forever he’s a treasured son
As that he will always stay.
In photos, friends, stories, thoughts,
With us will always be,
That little boy’s gleeful smile,
Forever, our Anthony.
The Holy Spirit, comforter
Brings healing power to us,
The void that those little feet have left
Can be filled as we learn to trust.
God’s heartfelt Love is with you now
His right hand holds yours fast
He knows your loss, He gave His son,
If only we can grasp His purpose true, for life eternal,
A heaven not on earth.
His feet have walked the path we tread,
Death leads us to rebirth.
Chaser Bug
By: Grammie and Grampie Moreton
Chase,
On April 23rd, 2013 I became a grandmother of two tiny,
perfect, beautiful baby boys. I wasn’t able to hold you but I
could talk and look at you every minute I could. I can’t count
how many times doing the poopy happy dance, staring at your
face and you, your brother, and I scheming to talk your mom
and dad into getting us a pool in your backyard.
On may 23rd, 2013 we had the privilege of holding you for the
very first time. I was scared honey and I really don’t know why
but once you were placed in my arms all my fears drifted away.
You just fit!! I held back my tears looked right at you and told
you not to be afraid that Jesus is waiting for you.
Then all of a sudden you opened your eyes and I knew
you were with me. Very hard to explain, but we became
grandparents at that moment.
The relationship a grandparent has for their grandchildren is
very unique and special. I don’t care what people say, but I
know you and I began our special bond that day and that you
know how much grammie and grampie love you.
Chaser bug we are so thankful for the time (even though it
was too short) we had with you so we could meet, smell, feel,
listen, see your little expressions and hold you! We are also
thankful that you could meet, smell, feel and listen to us too.
Forever love,
Grammie and Grampie
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Dearest Ethan
By: Crystal Reed Ksenjak
My Dearest Ethan,
Not a day that goes by when I don’t think about you. You were
originally scheduled to arrive in April 2012 but you made your
appearance on December 13, 2011. It was the most wonderful
two hours of my life and I will forever cherish your birthday.
I often wonder what type of toddler you would be right now.
Would you be like your little brother who is very precocious
and full of energy? Or would you be more reserved and
observant? What would be your favorite color? What would be
your favorite cartoon? Would you have liked ice cream? Would
you have been picky about eating veggies? These are questions
that I will always wonder.
Your short life changed me in so many ways and I wonder how
different things would be now had you survived. I also wonder
how things are in heaven for you and if you have plenty of
friends and family watching over you.
I recently got a tattoo of your handprint inside my arm to
match the one your Daddy has on his back. Now whenever I
look down at my arm, I can see you’re always with me and it
gives me some peace. I always knew you were with me.
I hope you are having fun in heaven and I can’t wait to see you
again. I love you to the moon and back.
Love You Always,
Mommy
Hannah Elizabeth Gayle
By: Cassidy Cooley
In Memory of Hannah Elizabeth Gayle Cooley,
10/30-11/28/2006
Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you; do you understand
the legacy you left behind? The 29 days we had with you have
had eternal repercussions. I know that where you are, you are
surrounded by Love…by a Father Who loves us all
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unconditionally. It would be so selfish of me to wish you were
here, but sometimes I do. I wonder how you would interact
with your baby brother—he is a miracle!
Your life—every day was captured in pictures and sometimes,
I find myself randomly going through them. The wave of
emotion catches me off guard even now, but I don’t apologize
for that. I celebrate it. You taught me so much, and losing
you forced me to learn so much more. Knowing that we have
eternity to look forward to, kept my eyes on Jesus even when
I felt like my faith was at its weakest. You let me know that
motherhood was possible—I’d done it once, and I could do it
again…so even though doctors and medicine said “no,” I felt
like our answer was “yes.” I think that as crazy as it sounds,
blessings can be found in every situation. You made me
appreciate life, and fight that much more for it.
You have a little brother now… I’m sure you know the fight he
and I both put up, to make sure he took those first breaths.
Your daddy was a rock star—through everything, he has been
a shining example of support. Your daddy remains faithful and
strong, and he is a blessing. We talk about you a lot—just this
weekend, we were talking about what you’d be like…It’s been
almost 9 years…
We miss you, Princess…Hang out with Jesus for a while
longer; we will all be together soon enough!
Brendan Michael
By: Michael & Melissa Griffith
To our beautiful son, Brendan Michael Griffith, stillborn on
August 3, 2012
Mommy and Daddy would never have believed that this would
be our reality. Holding you in our arms was the greatest and
worst moment of our lives. Looking at you and seeing how
you are the exact mixture of Daddy and Mommy is so amazing
to us. Knowing that we would not be bringing you home and
every second without you is purely excruciating. We are
so proud to have you as our son and we are so proud to be
your Mommy and Daddy, baby. There are no words for our
adoration, devotion and love for you. You are the air that we
breathe, always. We cannot wait for the day that the three of
us will be together again. That day cannot come soon enough,
we love you to the moon and heaven and back!
Love, Your Mommy & Daddy
At First
By: Knappenberger
At first I did not want you,
Thinking I was too old to have another child at 42.
But after a few days, I could not have wanted you more.
I hoped for a girl, and my wish was granted.
I planned and I sorted, I thought and I eagerly waited.
Then they told me your heart was bad.
You would be born with only half of a working heart.
You were weak, and I felt helpless.
I was angry, and my despair deepened.
I felt you move inside me, and I so desperately wanted
you.
You could not cry, but I cried enough for both of us.
You could do nothing, except lie in my arms,
So tiny and frail,
And dying. Then you died in my arms.
Yet I loved you anyway. I love you now. I love you
always.
Owen Christopher
By: Owen’s Mama Debie
To my little grandson, Owen Christopher Paganini
Owen, our sweet angel:
Our arms are empty
you had to go
God had a different plan
We are missing you so
What would you be like?
We wonder each day
Who do you look like?
How would you play?
You’re a live in our hearts
Even tho you’re in heaven
You’re alive in our thoughts
In may it’s month eleven
In june you’ll be one
We’ll celebrate your birth
We know you will be there
Your existance has worth
You live in our hearts
We still love you so
Someday we will see you
The time goes by slow
We miss your face
We miss your touch
We miss your smell
We miss you so much
We go on every day
Some days are quite sad
Remembering that someday
Our hearts will be glad
To be with you in heaven
How we long for that day
Until then we keep going
Your life makes the way
For us to remember
That love is what matters
And don’t give up hope
Even when your heart shatters
We loved you from the very start
You have seen the face of god
Ask him please to give us a nod
We struggle here & still ask why
Your life made a difference
In so many hearts
And even today
Your memory imparts
Some days we just cry & cry
Shine down on us god’s love & light
Bring peace & joy back to our lives
Although you’re missed we know the way
We’ll be with you again some day
So twinkle twinkle Owen star
Shine bright on us from where you are
A hope & a faith
In God’s plans & schemes
Even when it is scary
We press on with his dreams
To reach out to others
Who know pain like ours
To love & encourage
Listen or send flowers
To take our pain & heartache
And turn it to good
Being grateful for “share”
Wish everyone understood
That good comes from bad
It’s so hard to see why
But god has a plan
Even when things go awry
So as you go thru your day
In perfection & peace
Remember we love you
That will never cease
For now & forever
In this life we grieve
For you, little owen
Future heaven, our reprieve
Twinkle twinkle Owen star
We don’t wonder where you are
Up above our world so high
Our little diamond in the sky
Still in our thoughts & in our hearts
Matthew James
By: Leandra Maley
Our hearts will filled with joy and pride
the day we learned of you.
Another child to bless our lives, another life anew.
For seven months we watched you grow
and get a little stronger.
What will you be, how will you look,
we couldn’t wait much longer.
But soon we found our time with you
would not be very long,
To have you here with us on earth and
hold you in our arms.
You fought so hard, you were so brave,
you did all you could do.
But it was time for you to go, the Lord was calling you.
We held you close, we kissed your cheek,
we said our last goodbye.
Why you were taken from our lives we’ll never quite
know why.
We’ll never forget you, our guardian angel,
your memory will bring us joy.
We’ll always love you, Matthew James,
forever our baby boy.
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Stephon Jr (Champ)
By: Shane’ Bryant
Dear Stephon Jr (Champ),
We miss you more than you will ever know. When I had
you, it was a bittersweet moment. My world was filled
with so much joy because I was finally able to hold you
and see you, but it was also filled with a lot of hurt and
pain because I knew you would only be with me for a
short time. I knew I would never hold you again, I knew
I would never kiss you again, I knew I would never hear
you say mama. It still hurts and although I can never get
that moment back, I will treasure it for a lifetime. You’re
still my son, my first born, my baby love. I want to make
you proud that I’m your mother because I’m very proud
that you’re my son and I know you’re watching over me,
over us, your family.
I often think about the things you did that made us
laugh. Like during the ultrasounds, we would see you on
the screen, banging on the “roof”, or the top of the inside
of my belly, telling us to keep the noise down because
you were sleeping. Or when you would hide your face
so that we couldn’t see you. Were you playing peak-aboo? Your little brother loves to play that game. Please
watch over him and be his guardian, but I know you will
protect him. I wish I could have seen you two together
playing, running around, and tearing the house up, but I
can always dream about it as I do so many nights. Dream
about you and what my life would have been like with
you in it. It’s been very hard and difficult trying to “move
on” with life without you. As a parent, I feel guilty, I’ve
lived enough years and you didn’t even get a chance to.
Why am I still here and you’re not? Sometimes it’s just
not fair. I do understand now that there is a reason for
me to still be here, that there is a purpose for me in life.
Being a mother to your sibling(s) and giving them the
same love as I give you. That helps me to keep pushing
forward. There’s a popular song called Champion, and
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there’s a part in the song that makes me think of you
every time I hear it, “Did you realize that you were a
Champion in their eyes?” You were and still are. You
were so strong, always a little fighter, trying to be the
best you could be and win, and you know what, you are a
winner!
I love you so very much, words cannot express how much
I love you. Words cannot express how much I miss you,
words cannot express how much you’ve changed my life.
I’m not going to say goodbye, I’m going to say see you
in my dreams. See you when it’s my turn to come home,
hope you’re waiting at the gate for me.
Love you always,
Mommy
Our Sweet Pai ge
By: Marissa & Patrick Steinhoff
In Memory of Paige Jordan Steinhoff
January 1, 2011 – January 4, 2011
Our Sweet Paige,
Just hearing your name makes our heart flutter and skip
a beat. Losing you was the hardest, most heart wrenching
experience of our lives, but the impact you continue to
have on us is truly amazing. We feel your presence and
we are blessed to see you every day in the eyes and smiles
of your younger brother and sister. Paige, we know that
you’re beauty shines through them and we are certain
that you play such a large role in their lives. Your brother,
Landon, loves speaking of you and imagines what you
are doing in Heaven. Your sister, Mya, points to the sky
when we speak your name and she loves looking at your
pictures. You will ALWAYS be a part of our life, but even
more importantly you will always be a huge part of our
family, our first born.
It wasn’t until you graced this world with your beauty
that we truly understood unconditional love. We loved
you from your very first heartbeat and we still love you
long after your last. Your time with us here on earth was
way too short, but it amazes us every day the number of
lives you have touched. Your life taught so many to love
harder, to give more, and to live life to the very fullest.
Nothing brings us greater joy than having someone stop
us on any given day to share how you have moved them
to be a better person or just appreciate the loved ones
in their life a little more. You make us so very proud!
We are honored to be your parents and we are so very
humbled that we were chosen to love you! We carry you
in our hearts each and every day and we promise never to
let your precious life be forgotten! We love you baby girl!
All Our Love,
Mommy and Daddy
Baby Tator
By: Anonymous
For so long my heart longed for you. Through human
error you were gone before we even had a chance to tell
anyone of your existence. Forever you will hold my
heart and one day I will meet you, hold you and see your
smiling face.
Loving you forever, your momma
Dear Noah
By: Titi Madrina
My dear Noah,
It was hard for me to write this letter. Because for the
first time, in a long time, our family is happy. And it
feels so strange to be happy when you’re not here, when
we’ve still lost you. And we still have all the pain and the
memories. But then I thought, maybe I could write you
a letter from this happy place. Maybe I could remember
you from a place of happiness and love. So that’s what
I’m going to do. The feelings of sorrow, pain, anger,
unfairness, fear…they’re all still there, but I going to put
them aside. Instead I’m going to remember the love.
where you told me that whenever your mother or I held
your little brother that you would be standing next to us
and you were happy.
I remember how excited I was when your mommy told
me she was pregnant with you. I remember where I
was – in my office at my old job – and I remember how
I jumped up and down with joy and screamed with
happiness. I remember how I was so looking forward
to you being in my life, I was always looking out for
little gifts I could get you, already planning to spoil
you. I remember how happy and excited I was during
your baby shower. I was so proud to be your auntie
and your godmother. I remember seeing you move in
your mommy’s belly – I will always remember those
moments because that’s when you interacted with us. I
remember how I was sitting on my couch, looking online
for christening gifts for you the night you passed away.
It comforts me now to know that I was sending you
love that night, even though I didn’t know at the time
what was happening. I remember holding you in the
hospital after they delivered you. I have the picture on
my bookshelf; you looked like you were sleeping. And
even though you were gone, it shocked me how in that
moment, the worst time of my life, I still felt connected
to you and felt so much love. I remember sitting in the
conference room at work after you passed – I was sad
and looking out the window and I saw a butterfly pass
by. I was nine stories up in the middle of the city, not a
tree in sight, and there you were, coming to tell me that
everything would be ok. I remember the dream I had
I love you always,
Titi Madrina
I miss you so much, but I know you are with us and you
are happy that we’re happy. I know you are watching
over your little brother and are taking care of him. I
know that every time we’re all together, you’re there too.
I know that I will never forget you and that I will never,
ever stop loving you. I know that one day I will see you
again.
Dearest Cora
By: Karen Belobrajdic
Dearest Cora,
How does a grandma write to her granddaughter that she
is missed more than words can say?
Let me tell you how grandpa and I learned that you were
on your way. It was our 37th wedding anniversary, your
mom and dad gave us a gift. The gift was a T-shirt small
and white. The message on it said “Let the spoiling begin
in May”.
Oh my, we were so very excited, a grand baby... What
should we do first, hug mommy or daddy? I patted your
mommy’s belly, and said “our grand baby is in there”.
Love those words Grand Baby. You had the whole family
in a beautiful awaiting, the months till your arrival
seemed so far off. As you grew inside your mommy our
love for you grew too. A bed, stroller, toys, sleepers,
blankets, were bought so that grandma would have
things on hand for your stays at her house.
Mommy and daddy did their planning too. When
mommy and daddy learned that their bundle of love
would be a daughter, that’s when life got serious. All
kinds of dreams and hope were coming into reality,
what would she be like, who would she look like, would
she like sports, would she want to be a ballerina, and of
course the love was already there for you, no question
about that. Your Uncle Todd even bought you a onezie
to match a favorite t-shirt of his. He’d kid your daddy
that he might even take you to your Prom because no
boy would ever be the right one for his niece. Love was
all around for you. But little did we know that God
had plans too. Sometimes life is cruel, and life can be
so painful. But love is so sweet, just like our Cora Ann.
Missing you is hard, I want to touch you, hold you, kiss
you, read you stories, watch you crawl, learn to walk, cut
that first tooth, see you cry, hear you laugh, take you for
walks, experience all the things grandmas do. Some of
these things I’ll never get to do, but I do talk to you, I tell
you about your grandpa and about stuff your daddy did,
I bring you gifts, I look at your pictures, I even hold you
tight in my heart, I miss you but I love you more.
Cora, I always knew you’d be a Very Special Little Girl,
and now I know that for sure. You’re sending us a little
one from heaven to love. Be a little girl like you or a little
brother, grandma will always tell them what a beautiful
sister you are. We were blessed for those nine months
to have you in our lives, we are blessed now to have you
watching over us.
I love you very much!
XOXO, Grandma B.
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Quinn Avery
By: June Cortese
Our granddaughter Quinn Avery born sleeping 5/21/2009
Baby girl.....
Mouth like a bow
Beautiful angel
How we miss you so
Baby girl.....
Dark, curly hair
You and your brother
Would have made such a pair
Baby girl.....
Guardian, ever a sweetheart
Always watching over us
Although we are apart
Baby girl.....
Our hearts are filled with endless love
We know that you can feel it Quinn
Even up above.....
Violet Cate
By: June Cortese
Violets make me think of Spring
A time when you were to be born
The birds are trilling and starting to sing
But it’s with sadness that we mourn
A loss.. so cutting,so raw and deep
Our shattered hearts ache and our eyes weep
For you were a dream beginning to unfold
A blossom, a bud, a story half told
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Your delicate beauty filled our sight
With loving arms we held you tight
Precious were the hours we spent with you
Heaven was waiting for it’s angel we knew
The sweep of your lashes golden blonde and so long
Your mama’s chin with a dimple...so strong
Your dark wavy head of hair and Uncle B’s eyes
Memorizing every feature we said our goodbyes
Our small comfort comes from a faith deep within
That our parting is temporary and you are with Quinn
Holding hands together as you watch from above
Little angels surrounded by God’s endless love
Sweet Xavier
By: Jaimie Donnelly
Dear Xavier,
Your story does not begin in 2014… it began a decade
ago. It was early September 2004. Your father and
I began our first date at a small Greek restaurant
in Kenmore, New York. We spoke about common
interest and future goals and that is when you were
first mentioned. We both had a deep desire to have a
child one day. Three dates into our relationship, we
both simultaneously said, “I have two things I want to
say ; I love you and we will marry one day”. During my
pregnancy I would often wonder what it would be like
the day you came home and told me you had found your
forever love.
Two years later, as happy newlyweds, we were driving
around our first home in Central New Jersey. See, your
mother enjoys playing what we dub as the ‘name game’.
Thinking of interesting names that people may be called.
That is when I brought up my favorite boy’s name, your
name, Xavier. Your father liked it and assumed it was
after St. Francis Xavier. “No”, I replied, “ I got it from
the signature on the butt of my Cabbage Patch Kid Doll.”
True story.
The next few years we would continue to work on
building up towards our ultimate goal – having you. We
traveled, built our careers, and eventually purchased our
first home, a cute ranch style house. I felt it was the safest
type of structure to raise a feisty child. I often would
imagine you rolling around in your walker or giving you
nightly baths.
Five years into our marriage we would embark on a long
journey that required us to experience every facet of what
it meant to be hopeful and never to give up faith. 3 years,
or 36 months it took to conceive you. Easter weekend of
this year was extra special as we saw the word ‘pregnant’
appear across the test.
During my pregnancy the doctors would inform us of
some complications and suggested the unthinkable. I
turned to your father and said “I don’t care if he only has
3 minutes, 3 hours or 3 days, he will be born alive and he
is ours”. I couldn’t have asked for a more joyous delivery.
The room was filled with happiness, excitement, laughter
and smiles. You had beautiful color, were feisty and a
healthy baby. Prognosis was you were to come home with
us by Thanksgiving; your father’s birthday. You are proof
that prayers are answered and miracles do happen.
I was planning to frame a simple scripture for your
nursery, 1 Samuel 1:27, “ I prayed for this child, and the
Lord granted me what I asked of him.” See, I could never
be angry at God like so many parents in our situation
tend to be, because he answered our prayers, we just
didn’t know our time with you would be so brief. The
scripture that follows, 1 Samuel 1:28, goes “Now I am
giving him to the Lord, and he will belong to the Lord his
whole life”.
In closing my precious, beautiful son I simply state the
four words I will never hear you speak.
So, I will say them for you, to you.
I love you, Mommy.
Bryceson & Averee
By: Anonymous
Dear Bryceson & Averee,
On September 2014, I found out I was pregnant. I was
surprised to find out because your dad & I prayed for a
baby for a long time. I wanted to love motherhood and I
believe that new life is always a new gift.
On December 29th, 2014 I found out that I was not only
having one baby but TWO. Double the trouble and twice
the fun. I was so nervous to raise two infants at the same
time, twice the everything was a scary thought for me.
But I was so excited.
Then the gender reveal. Twin A- was a boy, at that
moment your dad walked up to the screen and screamed
“yes, that’s my boy Bryceson Noah Wayne”. Then twin b’s
turn. At first the woman thought you were a boy...but she
was looking at twin a again, because your butts were side
by side. At the moment when I knew you were a girl; you
were Averee Nevaeh Lynn! I was so happy to get one of
each!
ever. Because of you, I feel a stronger connection with
him. Although you two never lived outside of me, I
just realized how lucky I was to have your dad. At the
moment I saw how much he loved you two while he was
holding you, it seemed like I just fell in love with him all
over again. Your pregnancy seemed to be the smoothest
and most healthy one that I had ever had. I did my best
to comfort your dad, but he was stronger than I could
ever be. We grieved together, as one. Your sweet Mimi
was there with us through every single second. We
couldn’t have done it without her.
At 7:00 a.m. on Wednesday, January 7th 2015, my first
son was born, Bryceson. Then 45 short minutes later I
had my first born daughter Averee. Even though there
was no life in either of your beautiful bodies, you were
full of love, heart, and courage. Your dad held you, and
then it was my turn. I felt both happy and devastated
to be holding my first babies in the palm of my hands.
We cried. I visualized you running through open fields
somewhere, free, happy, and full of life. After a few hours
holding you...we knew that it was time to say goodbye.
One week and one short day later, I went into preterm
labor, being only 21 weeks pregnant. When I arrived at
the hospital, neither of you had heart beats. That was the
most heartbreaking moments of our life. Within minutes
of being at the Hospital I held you both on January 7th,
2015 for the first and last time ever. It was one of the
saddest, proudest, most heartbreaking, and beautiful
moments of my life. It was an honor to hold you.
We never thought at such a young age, or at any age
that we would have to bury our children. That was the
hardest part, besides losing you. I know we will never get
the chance to see you complete your first steps, your first
day of school, or your graduation. We will never get the
chance to hear you giggle, or to see your little toes wiggle.
We will never get the experience of giving you away to
make your own families. But we know that you are living
the best of life that you ever could.
I’m proud of you. Even though you only made it halfway
through the pregnancy, you have left a mark on our
family that will last forever. Your heart had just stopped
beating; you never took a single breath. You would never
have a life outside my body. My womb was your world.
But because of you, I love your dad more than
You were with us for way too short of a time, but you will
be remembered forever. My body aches to know that I
will never have you in this life. I long to have your little
fingers wrapped around mine. No matter where the road
leads us in our life we know that a part of our hearts will
forever be in Newcomb cemetery. I want you to know
that you are not forgotten in our hearts. You were always
loved. I know life would have been different had you
stayed. We trust that things have happened as they were
meant to.
Our precious Twins... We miss you more than we’ve ever
missed anything. But we know there’s a day when we will
hold you again. We love you. We will honor you. We will
be better people because of you. Every second I breathe
you will always be remembered. I carried you for every
second of your life and I will love you for every second of
mine! Heaven is so much sweeter with you two there.
Love, Mommy & Daddy.
Jaime, Natallie &
Emillia Daughtery
By: Anonymous
Although we never met you pulled at my heart string at
the very moment I knew about you. It never matter if
you were a boy or girl all I knew was I was in love with
you. You will forever be my precious grandbabies.
Nana loves all of you
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Josie
By: Nora Lafata
Dear Josie,
This is my favorite picture. I never thought I would
say this about any photograph of myself in a swimsuit,
pregnant; however I have recently learned that things
can change very quickly. I am a little over six months
along here. This is my favorite picture because it is the
perfect visual of how I choose to remember your life. One
hand just above you, the other around your brother, the
smiles on our faces, the storm approaching that I never
saw coming. There were so many beautiful pictures taken
at the hospital by wonderful, caring people. Your arms
were delicately folded into gentle poses. There was the
gorgeous white gown you wore, donated and created by
loving hands for babies like you. Babies whose parents
didn’t think to bring the clothes. Babies who weren’t
ready. Babies who never made it home. I have only been
able to look at these images a handful of times. They
are indescribably beautiful to me. Priceless. But they
show me much more than your perfect, tiny features.
In these pictures of you I see the physical manifestation
of everything that was taken from me. I see flat lines
and hands I can’t hold. I see cheeks that will never be
squeezed by tickle monsters you will never run from.
Knees forever unscathed, arms that won’t fold around
a brother’s shoulders for holiday pictures. I see the lips
that will never kiss the prom date who will never speak
your name.
In these images I can smell the hospital room, hear the
sounds of the healthy newborns down the hall. I can see
the nurse coming to wheel you away for the last time like
some decadent dessert. Sweet and forbidden, forever just
beyond our reach. Most days this is all too much. I like
to look at this picture instead. I like to think of all the
smiles you provided from within. During second hour
lab experiments and countless car rides. I think of the
bedtimes stories and dance parties you were privy to. The
yawns and the laughter during hundreds of
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“Go Dog, Go!” and Ninja Turtle renditions. I imagine
what our voices sounded like during Saturday morning
breakfast, what it felt like to know nothing but love. A
love so pure and fecund; like the ivy that circles and
embraces, sending rootlets from the stem. I like to
think that you were perfect, save for one anatomical
anomaly. Without warning
or explanation, the heart
that set you free. When your
brother is asked about you he
always smiles, straightening
his posture. “Baby Josie isn’t
in Mommy’s tummy anymore.
She’s in our hearts.” Then he
returns, satisfied, to his hot
wheel race. As far as he is
concerned there are no more
questions. Regarding you, he
is content. There is nothing
left to ponder. Turns out,
there’s a lot one can learn
from a three year old.
Love, Mom
First Grandchild
By: Mary
You were our first grandchild. We had such high hopes
for you. You will be in our hearts forever. A day doesn’t
go by without us thinking of you. We know we will see
you again someday. Save a cloud for us in heaven. All
our love forever. Grandma and Peepaw
Team Naomi
By: Hannah Welk
We love & miss you everyday. Learning to love you was easy.
Going on day by day with out you is tough. Our hearts ache
to hold you once again but every day without you is one day
closer to you. We know that you already know but you are SO
loved!!!
Love,
Your Momma, Daddy & Sister