Modesty Speaks - Revive Our Hearts

Volume 11, Number 2
Summer 2011
TM
Calling women to freedom, fullness,
and fruitfulness in Christ
d
INSIDE THIS ISSUE
Gentle Jesus, Meek
and . . . Modest
Elyse Fitzpatrick
What and What Not to Wear
Mary Kassian
10 Things I Learned from My Dad
Nancy Leigh DeMoss
Intoxicated by One
Dannah Gresh
d
Modesty Speaks
Our clothes, accessories, body language . . . they all “talk.” They tell a story
about our priorities, desires, and goals. But is anyone even listening?
Does it really matter? In a culture—and even in the church—where
it is only “natural” to flaunt your body, doesn’t modesty just end up
counting against you? Besides, God looks at the heart, right? Does He
really care what we wear? Dig into these questions—and more!—in this
practical issue.
“You who seek God, let your hearts revive.”
Psalm 69:32
A Word from
Nancy Leigh
DeMoss
ANNOUNCING:
for women serving women
• November 4–5, 2011, in Indianapolis
W
hat do our clothing and appearance communicate to those
around us? What do they reveal about our heart?
Each time we’ve aired programs on the subject of modesty, the
response has been huge. Men and women alike have thanked us for
addressing what they believe to be a major issue in the church today.
So many women are following the world’s philosophy in how they
dress—and many of them don’t even realize it. Modesty is a vital
issue if we desire to reflect God’s heart and be a blessing rather than a
hindrance to the men around us.
As we delve into the topic of
modesty in this issue, I hope
d
you’ll be challenged and inspired to examine your own
life and heart in this area.
Modesty is a gift
You’ll read several perspecand a treasure to be
tives on the topic, beginning
with Elyse Fitzpatrick’s look
protected and cherished.
at Jesus’ modesty (yes, Jesus
was modest!). Mary Kassian
d
unpacks 1 Timothy 2:9 and
gives three helpful guidelines to
help you figure out what to wear. And if you’re wondering how to talk
about and model modesty to the young women in your life, you’ll
want to check out the article by Dannah Gresh on page eight.
As we examine this topic together, it’s my prayer that you’ll come
to understand why modesty is a gift and a treasure to be protected
and cherished and that you will experience its many blessings and
benefits. Remember­—modesty is not first an issue of what we wear.
It’s essentially a heart issue. If our hearts are right with God—if we’re
walking in purity and humility before Him—the fruit will be a modest
external appearance.
2~ Revive Our Hearts
Yours for following His pattern,
• For women’s ministry directors\leaders,
pastor’s wives, teachers, small group
leaders, etc.
• Show the women’s ministry leaders in
your church how much you value them by
encouraging them to attend this event.
• September 20–22, 2012, in Indianapolis
• Join Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Janet Parshall,
Mary Kassian, Dannah Gresh, Keith &
Kristyn Getty, and many others.
• Discover what is at the core of a true
woman . . . her heart.
Learn more at
ReviveOurHearts.com
Gentle Jesus, Meek and . . . Modest
d
Elyse Fitzpatrick
I
live in Southern California, and now that it’s almost
summer, a familiar problem has returned . . . immodesty.
Hebrews 4:15 informs us that our Savior has been tempted in
“every respect” as we have, yet without sin. Could this possibly
mean that Jesus was tempted to immodesty but didn’t sin?
When we show off, we’re failing to love our brothers and sisters
who may be tempted to lust, covetousness, or sinful imitation.
Showing off is a fruit of pride and love of self. Immodesty
demonstrates a cold unconcern for the church.
The beauty of the gospel, however, is that while it convicts
Let me define what I mean by “modesty.” Christian modesty
us that we’re all unloving show-offs in some way, it also assures
is simply a refusal to show off, out of love for God and one’s
us that we’ve been loved and that we no longer need to show
neighbor. Jesus refused to show off His
off to get other people’s approval. The record of
power. When tempted by Satan, He
our Modest Redeemer is ours! Our identity isn’t
d
refused to show off His ability to turn
wrapped up in the approval, envy, or lust of
stones into bread or cast Himself off
others. Our identity is found in Christ’s life,
a high tower (Matt. 4:1–11). When
death, and resurrection. He loved us and
Christ loved us and
attacked by His accusers, He “opened
refrained from showing off so we could be His.
refrained from showing
not His mouth” (Isa. 53:7). When
We can be freed from the need to prove that
facing the humiliation and excruciating
off so we could be His.
we’ve got a great body or wardrobe because
pain of the cross, He refrained from
we’ve been lavished with His love instead!
appealing to His Father for legions of
d
Of course, in this promiscuous culture
angels who were waiting to bring Him
women (and men) might need to be taught
deliverance (Matt. 26:53). Jesus didn’t
what
modest attire looks like, and there’s nothing
show off His power or authority because He
wrong with doing so. It’s just that the transforming power
loved His neighbor—His bride the church.
that changes a show-off into a servant doesn’t come from rules
Conversely, immodesty flows out of the heart of a showabout shirts or skirts. It comes from remembering the gospel
off. Maybe we’ve worked hard at the gym or purchased an
and seeking to show Him off instead.
expensive new pair of jeans. Maybe we want to prove how free
we are to dress in any way we choose, no matter how suggestive.
Copyright Blog.ElyseFitzpatrick.com, July 15, 2010. Used with permission.
Looking for a Helpful Resource on Modesty?
Nancy Leigh DeMoss examines questions like “Who decides what I will wear and why?”
The Look will point you to God’s truth about clothing and modesty in a practical way, with:
A style quiz
• Frequently asked questions
• Tips for evaluating your wardrobe
• And much more!
•
Order at ReviveOurHearts.com/Modesty.
Calling Women to Freedom, Fullness, and Fruitfulness in Christ ~3
What and What Not to Wear
Mary A. Kassian
I
n 1 Timothy 2:9, the Lord provides three guidelines
that help Christian women figure out what and what
not to wear: “She adorns herself with respectable apparel,
with modesty and self-control.” Let’s examine these three
guidelines to help us ensure that our looks are in good
order, properly arranged, and ready to display Christ.
Is It Becoming or Unbecoming?
Kosmio is the descriptive form of the Greek noun kosmos
(to put in order, trim, adorn, or decorate), which is
related to our English word cosmos—the universe. The
Greeks regarded the universe to be an ordered, integrated,
harmonious whole. Kosmos
is the opposite of chaos. So
when Paul told women that
their adornment should be
kosmio, he meant that like the
universe, all the parts should
be harmoniously arranged
with the other parts. It should
be “becoming”—that is,
appropriate or fitting. Given
the context, I believe Paul was
implying that our adornment
ought to be becoming on a
number of different levels.
First and foremost, your
clothing ought to be becoming, fitting to, and consistent
with your character as a child
of God. But it also ought to be becoming to your body
type, becoming to your femininity, becoming to your
husband, becoming to the other clothes you are wearing,
and becoming to the occasion and place you intend to
wear it. There’s a tremendous amount of guidance in
that small word, becoming. It challenges you to evaluate
your clothes, shoes, purses, makeup, and hair from multiple angles as part of the harmonious, integrated whole
4~ Revive Our Hearts
of your life—to line up the seen with the unseen and the
temporal with the eternal. It challenges you to bring a
cosmic perspective to bear on your everyday decisions.
I like the word Paul chose.
It has enormous implications.
d
Kosmio means that a Christian
woman’s “look” ought to be
consistently put together, inside
Ask yourself, Does
and out. This challenges those
my clothing exalt the
who put an undue emphasis on
gospel of Christ?
external appearance as well as
those who neglect their personal
appearance. It’s a corrective to
d
women who dress extravagantly.
It’s a corrective to those who dress
seductively. But it’s also a corrective to
those who think that “holy” means frumpy, ugly, unfeminine, and out of style. Becoming indicates that running
around in baggy jeans and T-shirts all the time is just as
inappropriate as being obsessed with stylish clothing. It
means that a woman’s appearance ought to be put together nicely. It ought to be pleasant and attractive—on
the inside and the outside.
Is It Decent or Indecent?
The second word, aidous, is based on the Greek term for
shame and disgrace. The word is a blend of modesty and
humility. When I think about a word picture that personifies this concept, I think of approaching God with
eyes that are downcast.
It involves a sense of deficiency, inferiority, or unworthiness. It suggests shame, but also a corresponding
sense of reverence and honor toward rightful authority.
It’s the opposite of insolence, imprudence, disrespect, or
audacity. Downcast eyes are the opposite of defiant eyes.
So does dressing with your eyes downcast mean that
you are self-conscious? No. It means that your clothing
tells the truth about the gospel. Your clothing shows the
world that Jesus covers your shame and makes you decent. Your clothes cover your nakedness as the clothing
of Christ covers your sin.
Dressing “with eyes downcast” means that you
choose clothes that are decent in His eyes . . . not clothes
that are provocative, seductive, and that honor nakedness. When you dress decently, you recognize that God
ordained clothes to cover, and not draw attention to,
your naked skin. You cover up out of respect for Him,
the gospel, your Christian brothers—and out of respect
for who He made you to be. Decency means you agree
with the Lord about the true purpose of clothing and set
aside your self-interest to dress in a way that exalts Christ.
So in that dressing room trying on that skirt, take
time to sit, bend, and stretch in front of that mirror, and
ask yourself, Is this skirt decent? Does it do what it should
do? Does it properly cover me up? Does it showcase my underlying nakedness—or exalt the gospel of Christ?
avoid extremes in fashion, hairstyles, and makeup. We
also ought to avoid spending crazy amounts of money or
stuffing our closets full of crazy quantities of clothing.
We ought to govern our wardrobe choices with a sense
of moderation, simplicity, and self-control. If the outfit
is crazy extreme, crazy expensive, or if it’s crazy for you
to be buying another one, then you ought to pass it up.
Understanding the purpose of clothing and asking
yourself the three questions, Is it becoming? Is it decent?
and Is it moderate? will help you figure out how to dress.
And don’t forget to include your “Helper” in the process.
The Holy Spirit is an invaluable source of assistance when
it comes to figuring out whether or not your appearance
glorifies God. If your heart is right and you seek His
guidance, He will be your personal wardrobe consultant
and teach you what and what not to wear.
Copyright Moody Publishers. Adapted from Girls Gone Wise In a
World Gone Wild, pp. 103–108. Used with permission.
Is It Moderate or Excessive?
The final thing to ask yourself about clothing is whether
it is moderate or excessive. Paul uses the Greek word
sophrosunes. It means “of a sound mind; curbing one’s
desires and impulses, self-controlled, temperate.” The
word indicates that our adornment should be reasonable and not crazy. We ought to rein in our impulses and
Girls Gone Wise by Mary Kassian is yours
with a donation of any amount. Use the
enclosed reply card or donate online at:
www.ReviveOurHearts.com/difference/donate
Please Pray for our Fiscal Year-End Needs
Because of generous supporters like you, we are celebrating ten years of God’s faithfulness through this ministry.
And as we come to the end of our fiscal year, we need
people to continue to stand with us through their prayers
and financial support.
When you invest your prayers and resources into
this ministry, you are part of bringing about a spiritual
reformation . . . calling women back to biblical moorings . . . encouraging a new generation of women to
experience freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.
We are asking God to
provide $350,000 during the
month of May to meet this
month’s obligations, be pre­­pared for the summer months,
and be in position to fuel the
movement of heart revival
and biblical womanhood.
God’s provision at the end of our fiscal year will
directly affect the scope of our ministry impact in the
months ahead.
Would you prayerfully consider sending a generous
gift to help meet this need?
ReviveOurHearts.com
800.569.5959
Calling Women to Freedom, Fullness, and Fruitfulness in Christ ~5
10 Things I Learned From My Dad
Nancy Leigh DeMoss
A
s Father’s Day approaches, I’ve been thinking about
the insights and principles my dad passed on to me.
He died when I was only 21, but the wisdom he gave to
me has stayed with me ever since. I am reaping incredible blessings today because of things my dad taught me
in those earliest years of life. Things like . . .
1. Take God seriously.
For my dad, this was the bottom line of everything.
Christ wasn’t a part of my dad’s life; He was his life! My
dad felt he owed everything to the Lord—his time, his
possessions, his family, his future, his life.
2. Start your day with God.
By watching my dad’s example, I learned the importance
of spending time each day in God’s Word and prayer.
This is what gives wisdom, perspective, and direction for
the rest of life.
3. Trust and obey.
My dad’s example showed me the importance of resting
in God’s sovereignty—trusting Him—and then surrendering to God’s sovereignty—obeying Him. He taught
us that joy comes when we trust that every event in life
is orchestrated by a wise, loving, and good God.
4. Little things matter.
My dad constantly emphasized the importance of little
things, choices, and decisions. They may seem inconsequential, but they become big things when they grow
into habits. The habits we are developing today will have
consequences down the road, for good or bad.
5. You are responsible for your
own responses.
You will never give account to God for what someone else
does to you. You are responsible before God with how you
respond and react to the people and circumstances in your life.
6. Listen to godly counsel.
My dad challenged us not only to listen to advice but
to actively solicit it. Sometimes the counsel I’ve received
has been hard to receive, but I’ve said, “Lord give me a
6~ Revive Our Hearts
humble heart, a teachable spirit. Help me to listen to
counsel, reproof, and correction.”
7. Guard your heart.
What we say, what we do, how we think—it all flows out of
our hearts. We have to consistently guard our hearts to
keep them detached from this world and attached to Christ.
8. Marriage is for keeps.
My dad emphasized that marriage is for keeps, so don’t
settle for less than God’s best. He challenged us to guard
our hearts when it came to dating, relationships, and
marriage. He cautioned us, “If you want to be careful about
whom you marry, be careful about whom you date.”
9. Don’t spend your life. Invest it.
We don’t own anything; God owns everything, and we
are merely stewards. One day we’ll stand before Him
and give account for what we did with everything He
entrusted to us. The question will be, did we invest our
lives and resources for self or for the glory of God?
10. Time is short; eternity is long.
In light of eternity, most of what matters to us now will
seem insignificant, and things that seem insignificant now
may be monumental. We’ve got to get our values adjusted
so they fit that of eternity.
My dad died at the age of
53 of a heart attack. I believe he felt more at home
in heaven than he did here
on this earth, because his
heart had been in heaven
for many years!
How I thank the Lord
that when my dad went
home to be with the Lord,
he had said what needed to
be said to his children! He had told us he loved us. He’d
told us about Christ. He had urged us to know Christ
and to devote our lives to His kingdom. His legacy was
an eternal one, which continues to this day.
`
The Little Red Book of Wisdom
What legacy are you leaving for
your children?
In The Little Red Book of Wisdom,
my brother Mark DeMoss offers
insight on living for the things
that really matter. As he shares
principles for living wisely from
history, Scripture, and a lifetime
of listening to my dad and others,
you’ll learn to guard the most important things in life, make wise decisions, and encourage the
people you care about. Visit Store.ReviveOurHearts.com to
order your copy today.
You Can’t Out-Give God!
My dad had a goal in life to give as much money to the Lord’s
work as he possibly could in his lifetime. I learned through
his example that you can never outgive God. Over the years, as I have
sought to grow in the grace of
giving, I have watched the
Lord faithfully provide
my needs and bless me in
countless other ways!
5
rbs 11:2
Prove
I would invite you
to prayerfully consider
investing in the lives
of women around the
world. When you become
a Ministry Partner of Revive
Our Hearts, you are a vital part
of helping connect women to
God’s truth.
Our Ministry Partners help us in
three vital ways: by praying for Revive Our
Hearts, sharing the message with others,
and supporting the ministry with a gift of $30
or more each month.
From A Woman Like
You Who Has Taken
Modesty to Heart . . .
G
od has been challenging me recently about
provocative clothing I’ve worn that is inappropriate for a Christian woman. I really
didn’t think there was anything wrong with my
clothing—I just felt I was being fashionable.
I thought I looked pretty cute in my tight, lowrise jeans and short, low-cut tops!
“The whole topic came up when I went to a
parent/tot swim class at our local YMCA. I suddenly felt very self-conscious (convicted!) while in
the pool in my bikini. I realized my appearance
was a terrible witness to the other kids and parents
and that God really needed to change my heart.
A friend gave me a copy of your booklet The Look.
I read it and wept as I confessed to God my sin.
“
I really didn’t think there was
anything wrong with my clothing—
I just felt I was being fashionable.
”
“I took about half my clothes and tossed
them out. My husband thought I was crazy at first
(especially since we have no money to replace
them), but when I explained why I was doing
this and how I wanted to save my body only
for him, he was in total agreement. I was so blessed
when my friend gave me a full bag of lovely, modest clothing to replace the things I had tossed!
“God is doing such a wonderful work in
my life, in my marriage, and in my family. Your
teaching has been a big part of this change—thank
you from the bottom of my heart.”
For more information on how you can
impact this generation of women, visit:
www.reviveourhearts.com/difference/partner.
Calling Women to Freedom, Fullness, and Fruitfulness in Christ ~7
Intoxicated
by One
Dannah Gresh
T
here is one topic more than any other that pushes a lot
of hot buttons—modesty. When I talk to Christian teens
about it, I hear things like:
“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wearing lowcut shirts. What, should I just wear stupid turtlenecks the
rest of my life? I think girls should be able to wear what
they want. It’s their self-expression. It makes no sense that
you think that’s wrong.”
“I could shock you guys with some of the outfits I’ve
worn. And I did not go out with the purpose of attracting
attention. I felt good about myself and exuded confidence
wearing the clothes. Yes, the amount of skin I have shown
did garner some attention, but who cares? If a guy can’t
control himself, it’s not my fault.”
Clearly this is an issue worth talking about. Proverbs 5:18–19
says, “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife
of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts
satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated with her love.” (NIV)
In Hebrew, the phrase “May you ever be captivated with her
love” is more literally translated, “May you be intoxicated by her
sexuality.” According to verse 18, a man is to be intoxicated by
one wife. As a woman, God wants you to keep the deepest secrets
of your beauty for just one man.
I love studying science and comparing it to God’s Word.
When this Hebrew writer wrote about intoxication several thousand years ago, he wouldn’t have known about the autonomic
nervous system (ANS). But this system explains why a man finds
a woman so intoxicating.
Imagine that you’re five years old again. You’re shopping
with your mom, playing under the clothing racks, when suddenly you realize she’s gone! At that moment, powerful physical
changes take place in your body. Your heart rate increases. You
sweat. Your breathing and body temperature changes.
TM
8~ Revive Our Hearts
The ANS is a very immediate system that kicks in when
we’re either afraid or when we’re sexually attracted. The difference—sexually speaking—between the male and female ANS is
that men are microwaves and women are crockpots.
It’s difficult for us women to understand the power of this
intoxication that the Hebrew writer talks about. We just don’t
experience it on that level. A guy’s main sexual organ is his eyes.
His autonomic nervous system is triggered when he looks upon your
beauty and sensuality. Our primary sexual organ, on the other
hand, is our heart. When we feel safe, beautiful, loved, or treasured, then very slowly our autonomic nervous system warms up.
Just because our ANS is not quite so powerful as a man’s, just
because we were not created to be intoxicated by a man’s beauty,
does not mean that we should imitate the fashion culture that
we live in. Ladies, let’s save the deepest secrets of our beauty for
one man, as God designed it. You were made to intoxicate one!
Thanks for Praying for:
d
• Provision of $350,000 during May to meet this month’s
obligations, be prepared for the summer months, and be in
position to fuel the movement of heart revival and biblical
womanhood.
• Women’s ministry leaders focus group­—May 24–25. Pray for
helpful input as we seek to serve the local church and spread
the message of revival and biblical womanhood at the grassroots level.
• Nancy during the month of June as she edits The Quiet Place,
a new 365-day devotional book to be released in November.
Revive Our Hearts is an outreach of Life Action Ministries
ReviveOurHearts.com • 800.569.5959
PO Box 2000 • Niles, MI 49120
Photo Credits Include:
Katie Bollinger: Photography by Katie,
Sara Quinnett: Sara Jane Photography,
istockphoto.com/Mitshu, Barbara Foxall,
Albany Pictures, Catherine Yeulet
Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture taken from the Holy Bible, English Standard Version, Copyright © 2001, Crossway Bibles,
www.esv.org. Scripture taken from the New International Version®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™