Issue4 - John Abbott College

Drinking in Production since 1971
Volume XXXV Issue 4
JAC teachers vote in favour of strike
Lindsay Cotton
Staff Writer
At a JACFA general assembly held
last Tuesday at P-204, JAC teachers
voted in favour of participating in a
four-day strike scheduled to happen
between November 10 th and December 16 th.
For over two years now, negotiations have gone underway to improve
working conditions for cegep level educators and other public workers.
JACFA (John Abbott College Faculty
Association) is associated with the
FNEEQ (Fédération Nationale des
Enseignants et Enseignantes du
Québec), which represents 35 cegep faculty unions. The FNEEQ’s main role
is to negotiate collective agreements
with the CSN –FTQ Common Front.
On Tuesday, 93 JAC teachers voted
in favour of the strike over 41 teachers
who opposed it. A double majority was
needed for the school to participate in
the strike. In order for the strike to
take effect, 18 out of 35 Cegep represented by the FNEEQ must vote in
favour of it.
This Issue
Avian Flu, Page 2
In September, the Common Front
introduced three new initiatives that include better working conditions, a new
salary proposal and a four-day strike
mandate. The Common Front, which
represents over 200 000 public sector
workers, is mainly asking for salary,
Avian Flu, Page 2
Ten ways to enjoy your
bus ride, Page 10
During the last two months, the avian
flu virus has expanded into European
countries. The spread has made North
American health experts wonder whether
they are properly equipped to handle the
virus.
Bird flu, or avian flu, is an illness that
causes infections to the digestive systems
of many types of birds, such as ducks,
chickens, and turkeys. Wild birds as well
as domesticated birds worldwide carry the
viruses in their intestines, though they
do not usually get sick from them. The
infected birds usually eliminate the virus
naturally through their saliva, feces, and
nasal secretions.
News............................................. 2
Wet Ink, Page 5
Legal Drinking Age,
Page 4
Going the distance...
again?, Page 13
Banderflash, Page 5
Campus...................................... 4
Comics......................................... 7
Arts................................................. 8
Opinions...................................... 10
Entertainment....................... 12
Games Page.............................14
Sports............................................ 16
Well, hello to my horny readers out
there. I’m not one to tease, so let’s get right
down to business. Sex can be done in many
places and in many different positions; one
place that can be pretty amazing (if you do
it right) is in the car.
There’s no doubt in my mind that
many of you have already done it in a car,
and if you haven’t, I’m sure you’ve
thought about it. The fact is that at this
point in our lives, the car is one of the ideal
places to have sex. Let me break it down
for you.
pension and workload improvements.
So far, the government is offering
an 8% salary increase over a 6 year and
9 month period. The Common Front
is asking for a 13.5% increase over a 5
year and 6 month period. To this point,
no additional teaching resources have
been offered and there have been no
Career Fair, Page 5
Every year, the Student Employment
Center of John Abbott holds a Career Fair
in the Agora, helping students find their
direction. It’s wonderful, free event that
gives career information to students, who
might need questions answered before they
leave college. Even if you know what you
want to be, it’s great to check out this event.
It shows other career paths you might want
to take one day in your journey of life. It’s
a once-a-year event, which means if you
miss it this year, you’ll have to wait until
next year! It’s held from November 1 to
the 3rd, and the hours are from 9:30 to
1:30.
Smashing my dreams,
Page 10
You wouldn’t burn money in front of a
homeless person, you wouldn’t throw away
food in front of a starving child, and you
wouldn’t eat ice-cream in front of the windows of the gym. Ok, maybe you’d do the
last one, but the other two are just plain mean.
This is essentially what numerous famous
guitarists are doing to me. Every time they
smash a guitar into the ground, they’re
smashing my dreams.
improvements for non-permanent
workers or the Continuing education
departments.
Peter Solonysznyj, who spoke on
behalf of JACFA, stated that ‘’ this
strike is about respect’’. Last spring,
when FNEEQ cegeps went on a legal
strike that lasted 1½ days, they succeeded in getting media attention for
education issues, in increasing the
number of negotiations, and by convincing the new education minister to
put off any major changes in the cegep
system and in eliminating any speculation of local negotiations.
To show the government that
the teacher’s unions are serious about
their demands, they have once again
decided to go on strike. If the mandate passes, the strikes will be held between November 10 th and December
16 th , because ‘’we want a contract by
the end of 2005’’.
During the strike period, there will
be regional strikes throughout Quebec
everyday weekday. They have decided
to use rotating strikes in order to minimize problems for the public, minimize salary losses and maximize the
pressure tactics.
In order for the strike to be legal under the Labour Code, the organizers must give a 10-day notice. The
success of these pressure tactics relies
on the need for them to be continuous. They have set up a system where
each day an entire region will be on
strike according to a 10-day rotation
cycle.
The first semester at John
Abbott College officially finishes on
December 13 th and the first final exam
is scheduled for December 14 th. If a
strike does take effect and no settlement has been reached by then, there
is a possibility that some exams will
have to be re-scheduled.
Make-up days have not been scheduled yet and will only be discussed once
the strike becomes official. If makeup days are in order, they will take place
either during the exam period or during the Christmas break.
‘’The College is legally required to
provide you with 82 days of instructions and evaluation. This means that,
if there is a strike, we would need to
add days of instruction or evaluation
to make up for time lost.’’ For these
reasons, the Academic Dean Allister
Thorne has asked all students to take
the strikes into account while planning
end-of-semester travel arrangements.
The College will give all students a
week’s notice before the strike dates and
there will be no classes held on those
days.
I need to handle
some business. You see, for some time
now, I have been getting, shall we say,
feedback about our paper. Some would
be surprised to find that we were receiving positive feedback about our content.
Believe it or not - especially to the people
who have told me that we are “hit or
miss” - our paper is actually good. We are
not blind; we know what spelling errors
are, and we are working on it. But from
what I have found, the majority of the
complaints about our paper stem from
people being offended by something to
the point that they become fixated on
that one particular item, and simply ignore everything else.
Bandersnatch received an e-mail,
with an attached article, that read: “Hey
Bandersnatch team, Here’s an article, I
didn’t know if you wanted it in Text format or in RichText format, so I sent you
AVIAN FLU
PANDEMIC
Lindsay Cotton
Staff Writer
During the last two months, the avian
flu virus has expanded into European
countries. The spread has made North
American health experts wonder whether
they are properly equipped to handle the
virus.
Bird flu, or avian flu, is an illness that
causes infections to the digestive systems
of many types of birds, such as ducks,
chickens, and turkeys. Wild birds as well
as domesticated birds worldwide carry the
viruses in their intestines, though they
Editor-in-Chief
Robert J. Briza
News Editor
Gabe Frazer-McKEE
Assistant Editor-in-Chief
Jessica Kalmar
Campus Life Editor
Jason Dubeau
Opinion Editor
Li Kennedy
Entertainment Editor
Judy Gelsthorpe
Sports Editor
Joanna Lozowik
2
both. Thanks, and good luck with your
submission issue!” It seemed nice
enough, but when I read her “article,” I
went from being content to outright offended. Aside from its being third-rate
crap, I was insulted by the article's blanket statements about the intelligence of
college students, as well as the intelligence
of the people who write for
Bandersnatch. We obviously didn’t publish the article, and I took great pleasure
in deleting her e-mail. I hope you are reading this, because I have a few suggestions for you. Firstly, just because you
can use a thesaurus, it doesn’t make you
a better writer than anyone else, and secondly, insulting fellow students, the
school, and the paper in which you want
your articles published won’t get you very
far. Finally, who the hell do you think
you are? I have never seen you at any of
our meetings, in production, or even in
our office. How can you insult something
that you know nothing about? Writing a
response to an article is one thing, but
this is stupid.
do not usually get sick from them. The
infected birds usually eliminate the virus
naturally through their saliva, feces, and
nasal secretions.
On the other hand, the human flu is
a virus that infects a person’s nose, throat
and lungs. What distinguishes it from
the common cold is the fact that a complication of the virus can cause fatal illnesses.
Although it is very rare for the
avian flu to infect humans, there have
been at least 61 deaths reported in Asia
since 2003. In those cases, the disease affected those who worked closely with
birds, or those who ingested their byproducts.
A common question is whether
the common flu vaccine can protect us
from the avian flu. Technically, the nor-
mal flu vaccine does not protect its recipients from contracting avian flu, but it
does prevent a pandemic. If someone
were to contract the human flu, and at
the same time be infected by the avian
flu, it is possible that the avian flu could
develop the ability to be transmitted
through humans.
For these reasons, those who
work with poultry have been urged to
get the flu vaccine earlier than others, in
order to prevent the virus from possibly
becoming a human illness.
Following the beginning of its
spread, health experts in Canada devised
several plans to contain a disease of SARS
magnitude. In an interview with The
Montreal Gazette, Karl Weiss, an infectious-disease specialist at MaisonneuveRosemont Hospital, said that there are
Arts Editor
Stephanie Quain
Office Manager
Nicki Fleming
Games Page Editors
Blayne Bradley
Justin Banks
Production Manager
Trevor Smith
Webmaster
Eric Chan
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Well, I’m probably going to get in
trouble for that, but whatever. It doesn’t
really concern our readers, so I will move
on. I am happy to announce that
Bandersnatch is now publishing the web
comic “sus4life.” I read most of them,
which are also published on their website
(http://www.sus4life.ca.tt/), and think
that they are amazing. Ash, Will, you both
Rock.
Bandersnatch is always looking
for writers, so come on, guys, I know
there must be more people at John
Abbott College with something to say.
You can come to our next meeting on
Tuesday, November 1, at 5:30, in H033A. If you can't make it, just drop by
our office, H-041, which is in that small
hallway right across from the Oval.
Rob Says:
I shall blame
Linkin Park!
three possible scenarios for the spread
of the virus. The first is that the H5N1
virus would mutate into a humanlytransmittable strain that would lose its
harmfulness. In the second possibility,
H5N1 would remain fairly lethal as it
would spread. In the last scenario, H5N1
would mutate and become even more
dangerous than it is now.
The first scenario being the more
plausible one, it is what the health organisations are preparing for. Seeing as
only 8% of Canada’s poultry is imported,
there is no reason to go running out to
get Tamiflu vaccines against the human
flu. Unless Health Officials indicate otherwise, there is no need to act differently
toward the flu season or toward poultry
consumption.
BANDERSNATCH - John Abbott College - P.O. Box 2000
Sainte-Anne-de-Bellevue, QC - H9X 3L9
Phone: (514) 457-6610 Ext 5389 - Fax: (514) 457-6091 - Office: H-041
[email protected]
Bandersnatch is the student-run Alternative Press at John Abbott College. It is published every
two weeks and is partially funded by the Student Activities Commitee and by advertising
solicited members. Submissions are welcome in traditionally either English or French and
become property of the newspaper. Submissions must be on an IBM compatible diskette along
with a printed hard copy and MUST be in Text Format (*.txt) or RichText Format (*.RTF). All
submissions must include the full name and telephone number of the contributor, as well as
the e-mail address if applicable. The staff reserves the right to reject or edit any submissions for
length, legality, or clarity. Letters to Bandersnatch should be a maximum of 500 words but may
see print nonetheless if they are longer but worthwhile. Neither spelling nor grammar will be
corrected on letters to the editors, it is the responsibility of the contributor to correct them.
Submissions and letters should be dropped off at the Bandersnatch office, located in the
basement of Herzberg, H-041 (across from the Hallway entrance of the oval).
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SUJAC Update
This week has been very active for
SUJAC.
With midterms well
underway, we have all been avidly
studying and working on John Abbott
College Grade Review Policy reform.
Grade Review Petitions have been circulating and we have already collected
over 200 signatures, but we still need
your support so drop in to P-101 to
sign a copy in P-101)! In addition,
SUJAC hosted its annual Student
Leadership Conference on Monday,
October 24, 2005, which was a huge
success. We participated in leadership
skill-building activities and enjoyed
pizza. All had barrels of fun!
For those who still aren’t exactly
sure what Grade Review is: should a
student feel that he or she was marked
unjustly, the student may apply to have
that mark re-examined. The way the
process currently works, the disgruntled student would testify before a
committee of three teachers, including
the teacher who assigned the contentious grade and two other teachers of
the same department. SUJAC feels
that this system is fundamentally unjust for two reasons: first, because the
teacher with whom the student has a
grievance sits on the deciding committee; and, secondly, the two other teachers who sit on the deciding committee
work in the same department as the
first teacher, which could create some
bias. If you agree that the John Abbott
Grade Review Policy is unfair, stop by
the Student Union office, P-101, and
show your support by signing the Petition.
In the coming weeks, SUJAC is
hosting two activities: first, the Student Union Open House will be held
on Thursday, Friday and Monday —
October 27, 28 and 31 — in P-101. On
these days, and on any other days as
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well, students are welcome to come and
see what your Student Union is all
about. For those interested, the office
will be decorated for Halloween and
candy and Fair Trade coffee will be
given out. So come on down and learn
about what we can do for you! Secondly, the Student Union will be showing the Halloween cult classic: Rocky
Horror Picture Show, starring Tim Curry:
on Wednesday, October 26, at 11:00 am
and 1:00 pm in The Agora. Dress up
and come prepared for a great time!
Admittance to the film is restricted to
John Abbott College students only and
student ID cards will have to be shown
upon entrance.
Students who are interested in
intercollegial affairs, you might like to
join SUJAC’s VP External, Alexandre
Sigouin, and some other SUJAC types
to attend a Confederation of
Anglophone CEGEPs (COAC) Meeting to be held at Vanier College on Friday, November 11, at 6 pm. To find
out more, come see Alex in P-101.
For those of you who like to dress
up for Halloween, and at the same time
like to do fun things in the community, John Abbott is once again holding its popular Kids Halloween Party
on Friday, October 28, from 6 to 8 pm,
in The Agora. Its only $5 per child for
an entertaining time with Magician,
Games, Candy… Student Activities is
looking for volunteers to animate the
activities so if you’re keen, see Jill in
H-159.
The Student Union of John
Abbott College (SUJAC) is here to protect student rights. If you have a problem, complaint or question, please
don’t be shy. There are no questions
that are too big or too small. The Student Union of John Abbott College is
located on the first floor of Penfield
in room 101 so drop in anytime.
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2005 - 10 - 26
S
U
o
A
Jn
!iC
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3
Hudson: Halloween for Hunger
Mary-Jane Blais
Contributor
There has been much controversy
about our sex column Wet Ink. Yes, I
agree that the columnist who writes
Wet Ink does not seem to know what
she is talking about, nor does she appear to be very creative. However, in
her defence, she has asked us for ideas
and guidelines for what people want
to read about.
For now, I will step back as Campus Editor of Bandersnatch and simply be Jay Dubeau. We need controversy in the paper; it’s that simple. Controversy is what attracts readers. According to “human nature,” people enjoy reading about issues that piss them
off. One can observe this in The Gazette, The National Post, the Journal de
Montreal, and generally any chartered
newspaper in the country.
People are welcome to complain to
us when they disagree with a particular
column or article, and they regularly do
so, especially when it comes to Wet Ink.
This is one request that I would like to
make on behalf of all the staff, editors, and executives: If you have a complaint, please e-mail it, mail it, or even
drop it off at our office, but send a
letter or an article with valid arguments
for your disagreement.
We have had many complaints regarding Wet Ink, but most of them
have been letters basically saying that
Bandersnatch is trash and should stop
publishing stuff like that. Once again,
it is only natural that Wet Ink will cause
controversy; it is a sex column in a college newspaper. Secondly, we are still
trying it out; we are using trial and error to set a standard for the appropriateness of the column.
Basically, all students and staff are
welcome to write to us, but please
make your argument valid and relevant,
rather than attack Bandersnatch itself
for putting in a crappy article.
Our office is in H-041, across from
the Oval, and our e-mail address is
[email protected].
Don’t be surprised to see some older faces
at your door this Halloween. A group of
John Abbott College students will be participating in a nation-wide “Halloween for Hunger” campaign led by the international youth
organization Free the Children. The students,
who are all members of JAC’s Free the Children club, will be “trick-or-eating” in several
different areas of Hudson, collecting nonperishable food items instead of candy. All
proceeds will be donated to the John Abbott
Christmas Fund, which is a food bank that
supports students who are less privileged or
who have dependent children of their own.
“Halloween for Hunger is one of Free
the Children’s major campaigns for this year,”
says Charlotte Smoley, club coordinator and
founder. “It’s a great way to raise awareness
while helping out our fellow students, and
all our members are very enthusiastic about
it.” Although many of the club members
live in the West Island/ Montreal area, Hudson was chosen as the site of the campaign
because of its safe, communal atmosphere,
and familiarity with the organization. Free
the Children has already received the generous support of the community through
events hosted by Hudson High School and
St. James Church, including the annual used
toy drive and sale.
Free the Children was founded in 1995
by Craig Kielburger, a twelve-year-old
Torontonian determined to end child exploitation and poverty in developing countries.
Over the past ten years, it has grown from a
small group of grade seven students into an
international, non-profit organization with
more than one million members in fortyfive countries.
Although the initial focus of the foundation was child labour, it has since expanded
its mandate to address issues such as education, sustainable development, peace building, and youth leadership. The Halloween for
Hunger campaign not only emphasizes ending poverty in Third World countries, but in
local North American communities as well.
The dedicated students who are donating their
time and energy to this cause depend on your
support to make the event a success. Please
give generously!
Not only will your Free The Children club
participate in “Halloween for Hunger” on
Hallow’s Eve, but we will also be collecting
non-perishable food donations on campus!
The drop-off station will be available Monday, October 31st, most likely in Student
Activites. For more information, interested/
interesting students can come to our next
Free The Children club meeting on Wednesday, October 26th at 5:30 pm...location TBA.
Any individuals or groups who would like to
participate in the event or make a donation can
contact Mary-Jane Blais at (450) 458-3306, or
Charlotte
Smoley
at
[email protected]. For more information,
visit www.freethechildren.org.
U.S. Legal Drinking Age: Suitable for Canada?
Kristi Ross
Contributor
It is clear that there more young
than old people agree that the drinking ages of eighteen and nineteen are
just fine in Canada. Although the
drinking age in the U.S. is twenty-one,
eighteen- to twenty-year-old drinkers
showed the largest increase (fifty-six
percent), in binge drinking among
American adults. It was second only
to young adults ages twenty-one to
twenty-five, according to the Canadian
Safety Council.
Shoppers at the
Fair view Shopping
Center in PointeClaire were asked
whether the drinking
age should be raised to twenty-one in
Canada; it was evident that the majority of people asked did not think that
it should be. They did not believe that
it would reduce the amount of adolescents who currently drink or the
number of problems caused by adolescent drinking.
Some argue that if Canada decided
to raise the age limit to twenty-one,
then it would be more tempting for
4
kids to drink at eighteen anyway because they know that they’re going to
have to wait that much longer to drink
in a controlled environment. Kids
don’t want the government to enforce
more laws because it will simply give
them more incentive to do it in spite
of a new law change.
When a shopper in Fair view was
asked whether she thought the drinking age should be raised to twenty-one,
her response was in the minority.
“Kids at eighteen aren’t responsible
enough to begin with. If they have alcohol then things are only
going to get worse.
Drinking affects school
work and relationships
with your parents,”
Deepa Amin, twentyeight, who works as a
bank teller, explains.
Amin believes that although teenagers
are allowed to drive at the age of eighteen, they will not be as careful as
twenty-one-year-old in making the decision not to drink and drive.
Although there are places where police have lowered the legal blood alcohol level from 0.10 to 0.02 for youths
under twenty-one, there has still been
an increase in juveniles driving under
the influence (DUI). That increase co-
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incides with what Amin feared about
eighteen-year-olds being able to legally
drink.
“Teenagers are going to drink before the age limit. If people are taught
to drink responsibly, then eighteen is
old enough to drink
legally in public,” responded Ken Denier, forty-seven,
who is a Cash Management Officer.
When asked whether
the drinking age
should be raised,
Denier answered no
- one of the more
shocking responses.
Adults over the
age of twenty-one in
all probability agree with the prospect
of the drinking age being raised; it was
interesting to hear another perspective.
Denier, with three teenaged daughters
of his own, all under the age of
twenty-one, believes that it would be
appropriate to get kids into an enclosed and somewhat safer place to
drink, as they will drink no matter their
age and location.
Some of the interviewed shoppers
said that changing the current drinking laws in Canada would cause teens
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to feel as though they aren’t responsible enough to make the right choices
while drinking. For example, adolescents might not want to vote if they
are not considered able to drink responsibly.
Vanessa
Cox, nineteen,
a restaurant supervisor, had a
somewhat
similar
response to the
question, saying: “Kids will
do it anyways.
They will want
to do it in unsafe places,
such as parks.
If people are considered adults at
eighteen and are allowed to vote, and
buy cigarettes, then they should be able
to drink.” She also points out that if
teenagers were going around drinking
in parks because they couldn't drink in
bars, it would prove to be a useless
law. For now the drinking age of eighteen is yet another law that differentiates Canada from the U.S. and it will
forever be debated.
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Well, hello to my horny readers out
there. I’m not one to tease, so let’s get right
down to business. Sex can be done in many
places and in many different positions; one
place that can be pretty amazing (if you do
it right) is in the car.
There’s no doubt in my mind that
many of you have already done it in a car,
and if you haven’t, I’m sure you’ve
thought about it. The fact is that at this
point in our lives, the car is one of the ideal
places to have sex. Let me break it down
for you.
Oftentimes you meet someone (at a
club, bar, friend’s house, etc) who you’d
like to have sex with, but seeing as you
don’t know each other very well, or maybe
due to the timing, you may be reluctant to
bring that person home. However, you
want some privacy, so where do you do
go? The car!
The car is essentially one of the only
places where you can have your space. You
can lock the doors or drive off if anyone
bothers you, and let’s face it: Having sex in
a car is just one of those cliché things that
everybody needs to experience at one point
in their life!
So you may not have a car - which sucks
for you - but you may want to read this
anyway. Someday you may have a car, or
you may be with someone who owns one,
and when the opportunity comes to have
some crazy sex in that car, you’ll want to
make the most of it. But there are a few
things that need to be considered when
having car sex.
Location: Seeing as you can go anywhere, you want to pick the right place to
do the deed. An empty parking lot or an
alleyway can always work. An area surrounded by office buildings will be empty
at night, so that can also be a great place.
Basically, anywhere that’s secluded enough
so that you won’t get caught will work.
However, I wouldn’t go anywhere too secluded, because then you won’t feel the extra
thrill that arises from the possibility of getting caught. Plus, if you don’t know each
other very well, parking your car in the middle of the woods may feel a little too much
like a horror movie.
Music: Music can really help to set the
mood, if you choose it right. The radio
isn’t the greatest recommendation because
the last thing you want is to listen to commercials while doing it; having your own
music is key. As far as what to play goes,
that’s between you
two, because everybody has their own
taste in music. Listening to a song can also
be a great way to break
the tension, considering both of you
know exactly why the
car is pulled over, but
chances are neither of
you are going to say it.
Cleanliness: Sex is yet another reason
to keep your car clean. Nobody wants to
put his or her naked body on top of old
McDonald’s wrappers, crumbs, or mud. If
your car is dirty, it can seriously ruin the
mood, so watch out!
Positions: This is by far the most important part! Cars can be a tricky place to
have sex, seeing as there isn’t a lot of room
to sprawl out. But if you do it right, it can
be really hot! So, lets run through some of
the possible positions.
1)
The Doggy Dash
The guy should sit in the passenger’s
seat with the chair pushed back as much as
possible. The girl then mounts him facing
the dashboard so that you’re in a “doggy
style” position. This gives the girl something to lean onto, and gives the guys a
great of view of the woman’s backside. If
you choose, this can also be done facing
each other.
2)
Hot Hoodie
If you’re in the right location, and both
of you are daring enough, you can get out
of the car and have sex on the hood. The
girl can either bend over with the top of
her body lying on the hood, so that the
guy can insert her from behind, or she can
try sitting on the hood facing theguy, and
he can insert her standing up. This position works best on cars with a rounder hood
that is closer to the ground. Yet another
reason to lower the suspension on your
car!
3)
Backseat Booty
This is by far the easiest way to do it.
Simply move both front seats as close to
the front of the car as possible, and lie
down on the back seats. Opening the doors
to the back of the car gives you more leg
room, and if you’re lucky enough to have a
sunroof, open it to avoid hitting your head
on the roof.
4)
Front and Center
This is a great position for oral sex in
the car. Either one of you can sit in the
back to perform oral sex on your partner,
who should be sitting in the front with
one knee on each seat. As this spreads your
legs wide open, it can be a little painful if
you’re not very flexible.
5)
Road Head
Something tells me that I don’t need
to say much about this! Just remember to
keep an eye on the road!
There are plenty of other ways to enjoy
having sex in a car, and I urge you to try
them all. But allow me to leave you with a
few warnings. Sex in public is illegal in some
places, so watch out for the cops. Things
can get messy, so use Kleenex and wear a
condom to save you the trouble of a very
embarrassing car wash. Finally, you’re in a
pretty small space, so try to be smooth;
hitting your head on the roof while trying
to take your shirt off can kill the mood.
Finally, remember to enjoy the ride!
Career Fair in the Agora
Lauren Filiatreault
Staff Writer
Alex Stirling was the first teacher I randomly walked in on in the middle of a lecture
with the camera this issue.
Alex has a PhD in Psychology from McGill
and today he teaches Intro to Psychology at
Abbott.
Despite possibilities of a career in
councilling psychology, Alex chose to continue teaching because he just could not break
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away from the students. "I have too much
fun in the classroom," he said as the question
came up about if he'd rather be practicing
psychology.
Alex describes himself as a semi-perfectionist and he has a passion for telling amusing stories and stirring all kinds of fun in
order to stimulate the attention of his students, of course anyone who has taken Intro
to Psych. knows it takes emotional stimulus
to learn better.
When not teaching, Alex plays hockey
with some of the Phys Ed. Teachers. He
does not consider himself a hockey fan, but
he really enjoys playing the sport just for fun.
I will be asking teachers to give me one
line that best associates with them or describes
them. to this Alex said: "The fact that I care
about the students means I will do my level
best to do the best I can."
It is obvious Alex really cares about his
students and that he is a great asset to our
faculty. Other than being an awesome teacher,
he is also an excellent conversationalist and
story-teller. You can find him walking around
the Psychology Department
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2005 - 10 - 26
Every year, the Student Employment Center of John Abbott holds a
Career Fair in the Agora, helping students find their direction. It’s wonderful, free event that gives career information to students, who might need
questions answered before they leave
college. Even if you know what you
want to be, it’s great to check out this
event. It shows other career paths you
might want to take one day in your
journey of life. It’s a once-a-year event,
which means if you miss it this year,
you’ll have to wait until next year! It’s
held from November 1 to the 3rd, and
the hours are from 9:30 to 1:30.
The career fair brings actual employees from the workforce who hold
exciting demonstrations, give qualified
information and talk to students who
have questions. A couple of years ago,
a welder came to the college, and
showed students how he works and
allowed them to give welding a try. You
can meet exciting professionals from
traditional careers (such as a lawyer,
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dentist, engineer, police officer, fireman), as well as “careers with a difference” (for example, an entertainer, a
dance troupe, directors of non-profit
organizations, plus others).
It’s organized by the Student Employment Center and student-volunteers, who help out to find the work
you will love! There are daily prizes to
be won, and one of the grand prizes
of the event is winning your Dream
Job for a day! Imagine that, just coming to a wonderful and free event, entering a contest, and finding out that
you won your Dream Job for a day!
This year, on November 3rd at
11:30, there is a special cake cutting ceremony to celebrate the Career Fair’s
Fifteenth Birthday. Slices of the delicious cake will be handed out for free.
To add to the glamour and fun of this
event, the Montreal Conservatory of
Dance will be performing for free on
the same day at 1:00.
So, don’t miss out on this wonderful opportunity! The Student Employment Center is helping you find a
direction that you’ll love, and giving
you a chance to take a peek at it!
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<"3
ASCII Chicken
by: Eri-
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2005 - 10 - 26
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7
The Day They
Let the Lions
Loose
The John Abbott theatre workshop’s
adaptation of The Day They Let the Lions
Loose opens Thursday October 27th at the
Casgrain Theatre. Based on the play by
Mexican playwright Emilio Carballido, it
was directed by Andrew Cuk and Jason
Howell, and features theatre students Tara
Millette and James Butlin.
A black comedy, Lions uses farce to symbolize what freedom means to different
people. Anna, played by Millette, is a
woman who feels confined to her life; a
hobo who lives freely in a park inspires her
to seek liberty. She becomes acquainted with
an escaped pack of lions, and decides to
live with them in their cage. In so doing,
Anna finds her own personal freedom. A
teacher serves to hold control over people,
keeping knowledge from them.
The play features animals (peacocks,
monkeys, and – obviously – lions), and
though at first viewing it is a comedy, it can
also be viewed as a philosophical piece.
Lions runs October 27th – 29th, and November 1st – 5th, at 8:00 pm. Tickets cost
$12 for adults, and $8 for students and
seniors. Buy tickets at the Casgrain ticket
office, or call (514) 457-2447 for reservations.
Temple Tympanum
by: CMB
8
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Level
Off
EML
Contributor
And I fear that this buzz won’t stay
I level off to watch you fade away
So I try to drink away the pain
Sober up and I’ll see you again
So I take the hit that I was passed
Try to smoke away my dreaded past
And I feel the smoke run through my veins
What was it that I’d hope to gain
And I fear that this buzz won’t stay
Level off to watch you fade away
It’sbeentwoyearsthatwe’vepartedways
Two years and I call it still a phase
And I see the blood drip from my nose
As the room speeds and slows
As I fear that you won’t stay
I level off to see it fade away
Ohithasbeenyears,sincewepartedways
Starting to see it was more than a phase
And I tear through bloodshot eyes
Safe to say it’s not from the high
Oh I fear that this buzz won’t stay
I level off to watch it all fade away.
by: Li
Kennedy
PLACEMENT ÉTUDIANT DU QUÉBEC
So
many
jobs
for so
many
Register with Online Placement via
emploi etudiant .qc.ca
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2005 - 10 - 26
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9
Ten Ways to Enjoy
Your Bus Ride
Jessica Kalmar
Assistant Editor in Chief
1. When you arrive at the bus stop and find a line
winding down the sidewalk, do not stoop to a lower level
and actually join the end of the queue. It’s all about integrating yourself into the line, so that you can join the fierce
contest of being first on the bus.
2. Screw the system as often as you can. That twoweek old transfer you found in your jean pocket? Use it!
Avoiding eye contact, slip it nonchalantly into the transfer bag as
you sidle by. And all that change
weighing you down? Take the
lot, and pour it into the ticket
canister. It really does not matter
if you have the exact amount –
the driver won’t dare interrogate
you if the coins make enough
of a racket.
3. Keep your backpack on
the seat next to you and/or
spread yourself over as many
seats as humanly possible, because it is highly amusing to
watch people’s jealous faces as
they are forced to stand. Helpful
hint: keep your expression blank
so it seems you don’t realize that you’re being obstinate.
In the event of some jerk asking you to move your
backpack, sigh loudly and wearily as you very slowly move
it.
4. Never vacate your seat for anyone! Honestly, who
needs it more, you, recovering in agony from a night of
drinking, or that nice pregnant lady? Better her than you
being jarred ruthlessly each time the bus comes to a grinding halt. Constant vigilance!
5. If you’re forced to stand, ensure that whoever has
a seat knows how much you’re being inconvenienced.
Throw yourself against them and “accidentally” step on
their feet whenever the bus stops, or drop something on
their laps, be it a glove, a sandwich, or a used Kleenex.
These people must appreciate the anguish you’re going
through.
6. If standing, keep your backpack on as a defense
mechanism. If you take it off, people will infringe upon
your space, and you’ll be forced to smell their B.O., or
share their coffee – all over your new jeans.
7. Have the loudest possible conversation with your
friends. If you can’t discuss
your raging sex life or your outof-control hair growth on the
bus, where else can you discuss
it? If your cell phone rings, answer it, and proceed to converse
at 100+ decibels.
8.
If you’re riding
solo, never acknowledge or
smile at fellow passengers. It is
dangerous; they will think you
are a bomb-toting terrorist, or
worse, a “weirdo”. The trick to
riding the bus in style is to remain impartial to your surroundings; that’s what iPods
were invented for.
9.
Practice hygiene.
What better time than during a bus ride is there for clipping your nails, applying makeup, and, hell, picking your
nose? (You do not want people to think you are dirty, do
you?)
10. Never thank the drivers as you get off the bus; not
only are they unnecessarily surly, but you still resent them
for striking last year.
Today in
Bandersnatch
History
Rob, Andy, Trevor, and Trevor’s sister got into a
car chase. They were driving in Andy’s car down St.
Charles, dancing the robot to the Venga Boys, when
two Ginos in the car next to them honked and
flipped them off. So naturally, Rob gave them the
finger back. Everyone laughed and Rob showed them
his nipple. Needless to say, the Ginos were offended, as Ginos often are, and started chasing them
down the street. The banderstaff wanted to go down
to the highway and lose ‘em, but they couldn’t because Andy had no gas. So Rob directed Andy around
the neighborhood, and eventually the two guys
pulled in front of them and got out of the car. Rob
says he was thinking of trying to take them, as they
were as tall as him but half the size. He adds that
had he had backup (which he says he didn't seeing
as Andy is scrawny, Tracey was a girl [sexist bastard]
and Trevor was well, Trevor,) He would have gotten
out and actually fought them. In fact he says that if
Graham was there he would have fought them and
won right away. Of course everyone knows that Rob
is a chicken and that was all bull. So, back to the real
world, or as real as the world can get when retold by
Rob. The two Ginos were like, smacking the car and
saying "yo" and "bro" and other single syllable words
that have no real meaning, when Andy reversed and
the two guys started chasing them on foot. Eventually, the Ginos ran back to the car and tried to chase
them but the Bandersnatch people lost them around
a corner.
Smashing my dreams
Judy Gelsthorpe
Entertainment editor
scratch? Now replace paintbrush with guitar, and you’ll see why the two are not
similar cases at all.
Why smash such a glorious instrument? I honestly don’t understand. To
spend time and effort breaking your guitar takes away from the show itself. I understand that a show needs to be entertaining, but by waving around the fact
that you can smash your guitar, while I
frantically save money in hopes of maybe
someday buying the next addition to my
collection, the message I get is that you
saw my dreams, examined them, then
threw them violently to the floor.
There are many aspiring musicians in
the world that would love to have the
guitar that you so nicely deprived them
of. I for one would like to ask that if you
are planning on smashing a guitar in the
future, please reconsider and send it to
me instead. The look of happiness on
my face would be entirely worth it (if you
must, smash the guitar and give me the
parts; I will use them in some amusing
way).
One last time, I ask you, please, please
don’t do it. I get more and more discouraged every time I see it happen, and I am
not alone.
You wouldn’t burn money in front of
a homeless person, you wouldn’t throw
away food in front of a starving child, and
you wouldn’t eat ice-cream in front of the
windows of the gym. Ok, maybe you’d do
the last one, but the other two are just plain
mean. This is essentially what numerous
famous guitarists are doing to me. Every
time they smash a guitar into the ground,
they’re smashing my dreams.
I really, really, really, like guitars. I may
not know everything about them, but what
I do know is that each and every guitar is its
own work of art. I’m even building one
from scratch and only buying the hardware.
I have a list of guitars that I plan on buying, which if I actually succeeded in obtaining I would have 21 guitars.
Many people argue that it’s the music
that is the art, not the guitar, and that
smashing your guitar would be like snapping a paintbrush in half. To them I say:
how many paintbrushes does the average
serious painter have? Is it possible to be
emotionally attached to a paintbrush? Well,
it could be, but you can still use a paintbrush after it’s snapped. But really, how long
does it take to make a paintbrush from
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Humorizer: This joke is funny because of the
repeated nipple sightings of the Editor-in-Chief, as
well as the idea of Rob doing the Robot. All other
editors pale in comparison to the amount of Rob’s
nipple sightings. Also the fact that Andy is neither
prepared nor paranoid enough to have enough gas
to escape an enraged and deranged Gino is hilarious, as is the idea of Ginos who know how to run.
It also brings to mind the mental image of four
banderites dancing in a car like some cheesy movie,
and Trevor singing along in a high-pitched girly voice
to “Boom Boom Boom Boom” while looking at
Andy and singing the line, “I want you in my room.”
In addition, one imagines Andy tearing around corners in Rob’s residential neighborhood, being chased
by two Ginos who were probably mistaking them
for their great uncle’s mob informants, and STILL
STOPPING AT ALL THE STOP SIGNS! Imagine
for a moment the conversation: “Holy crap, they’re
gaining on us! TURN LEFT, ANDY! QUIT STOPPING! GO MORE THAN THIRTY!.” Bear in
mind, all this happened after both cars had run a
red light in the first place.
Legend retold by Li Kennedy
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To the David Beckers, from someone who can sign with her real name:
Dalia Tebechrani
Contributor
(Let it be known first that I fully support the right of any
woman to an abortion, whenever she needs or even only wants
one. I do not believe that legislation curtailing this right would
bring any good to the woman involved, which I hold the people
who are most concerned. This text presents and explores the
usual areas of discussion on abortion. In any case where a hypothetical situation I suggest can be interpreted as being presented as
an absolute, only the possibility is being raised.)
You mutter about murder: it’s a dark and sinister sort of
thing. Perhaps you are not aware, or are aware but are just as
disapproving of it, that plenty of people would be willing to
commit murder in order to protect themselves. This is known as
self-defense. You may be wondering how this ties in to your
remarks on abortion in the last issue of Bandersnatch.
We live in a society where a baby can be viewed as many things.
Many of these things are not pleasant.
Let’s talk about rape a little, first, because somebody always
brings it up. There is a popular ideology that women who have
been raped should not consider that a factor in whether to abort
a fetus, or should not be allowed to abort a fetus, reason stated to
be that the fetus is innocent of the crime and/or sin committed
upon her person, and therefore should not be made to pay for it.
The premise is good but the conclusion is
bull. Someone always pays for a rape, and
it is usually not the rapist; I see the fetus as
a good second choice. The victim of a rape
is usually further victimized: through facing the doubts of her peers (‘Why were
you there? Why were you alone? What
were you wearing?’), through the rape kit
(involving STD tests and invasive medical
procedures), through the trial if perchance
there is one. The fetus is usually proclaimed
an innocent whereas the victim of a rape is
often portrayed as stupid, weak, or,
through the circumstances of the rape, as
having, somehow, had a hand in the process. I see no reason to put a woman
through further trauma and contempt by
having her, here’s an unusual example, subjected to jackasses who
will sneer at a woman who cannot name the father of her child,
much less produce him. There is no need to expand much here
on the possible psychological and physiological repercussions of
rape, or of carrying a rape-baby to term; some of them happen,
some of them don’t, none deny they exist. In short, I would
rather the fetus ‘pay’ than the woman. The woman may be some-
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one you know and care for; that fetus is a much more nebulous
entity. Betting on the underdog works best in movies. You tell
women: ‘don’t do something that you’ll regret’— well, there’s a
fabulous piece of folk wisdom going around: “it’s better to regret
doing something than regret not having done it.” You may have
quoted it yourselves in some other situation.
The people who suggest that a baby must be carried to term
under bad-weather circumstances will usually carol about the possibility of adoption, also. People who believe that choosing abortion, when adoption is possible, is pure cruelty and they are morons. You can hide an abortion; pregnancy is right out there. (In
the good old days they used to send you to a relative far, far away,
but nowadays that’s a lost favor.) The danger inherent in a baby,
issue of a rape or simply of an accident of contraception, isn’t in
the baby — it’s in the pregnancy. I strongly believe such choices are
entirely at the discretion of the woman concerned, because nobody should ever be forced to take the chance with their life that an
unwanted pregnancy could represent if, for example, an ultrazealot parent were to know, or a violent boyfriend, or a closeminded extended family, or maybe the rare but possible group of
religious fanatics in the neighborhood. Would I ‘murder my
baby’ to avoid being pushed down the stairs by my outraged,
dishonored father? Hell yes, I would. I’d vacuum out a set of
quintuplets without batting an eyelash. Self-defense, as I’ve mentioned.
A girl who becomes pregnant usually doesn’t do so by special
intercession of the Spirit, these days. In
the cases where the father is known, the
possible reactions are few, and well-documented in popular culture. In cases where
the father is unknown, however, one
strikes into more unfamiliar territory.
Maybe it was this boyfriend, but maybe
it was the ex-boyfriend. Maybe it was this
guy at that party, you were tipsy and you
forgot his name. Maybe it was rape.
Maybe it was the entire local hockey team,
and you just love your copy of the tape.
The fact is that the identity of the father
matters, no matter what angry divorced
men say. A girl who is pregnant but cannot say by whom is usually in a world of
trouble, because not only her pregnancy,
but her personality and entire lifestyle, may be brought into question, criticized and devalued. Instead of a potential life-affirming
mistake, the pregnancy becomes, to the onlookers, the symbol of
everything wrong with that girl, with the girls of today, or the
entire concept of youth since the sexual revolution, depending on
where you stand to look at it. Unconsciously, many people still
think of sex as dirty; while this does not translate to their ideas on
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sex itself, it certainly comes up in subjects like pregnancy. This is
a heavy psychological weight for a woman to bear.
(Frankly, there are so many confusing, contradictory reactions and attitudes towards pregnancy that I am surprised anybody has the force of will to go through with it at all.)
Furthermore, if a young woman should choose to bear the
child of an accidental pregnancy to term and keep it, it is usually
expected of her to make awe-inspiring sacrifices. This is usually
masqueraded as ‘taking responsibility’, but there is usually, even
from the most atheistic, a healthy dollop of ‘paying for your
sins’ in there. Taking responsibility and paying for one’s sins are
not the same thing; even if we agree that taking responsibility is
a good thing, and we may or may not, there is much subtext to
the idea that an unplanned child must constitute a righteous
burden righteously borne. It’s like a Virgin Mother archetype,
only no Immaculate Conception and the lady gets no respect for
it. It is, again, a heavy weight. (For believers: as for a ‘sin’ aspect,
it’s apparently possible to pay for your sins by repenting ‘em, but
I don’t see much appeal in going around repenting for my kid
even as I have to give praise for it. Feel free to chat me up about
the loopholes in this one.)
Who is willing to abandon all her dreams and hopes for the
future (for maybe no lesser sacrifice will be required), possibly
lose the love and the trust of their parents and family, maybe
become the bad example on the proverbial block and the subject
of the pity that people won’t spend on themselves, all this for
the sake of something the status of which as a person is still
under constant debate? That is a brave person; a very brave
person. I would like anti-abortionists to consider this, and without a ‘but’ ready to tumble out of their over-eager lips: that
bravery like that isn’t given to everybody. Whoever wrote that
line in the Becker contribution? “You’re going to be a mother
and having a child is a wonderful gift(...)”? They’ve visited a
fantasy world I, and probably many others, long to inhabit.
If we had the immeasurable joy of living in a world where
a pregnant woman would, automatically, receive the full support of her society, regardless of the circumstances, to carry and
give birth to a baby; never to be considered an object of ridicule
or shame, with no chance of being denied by her family and
peers the help and love she still needs — if indeed the idea of
pregnancy as something that could or should deny you vital
things was eradicated from spirits! If there were a few guarantees
in place that a woman would not be losing the future she wants
for herself, and certain guarantees against a lifelong shambles of
the heart; in short, if being an accidental mother were not turned
into such a station of the f***ing Cross, I believe we might
eradicate the phenomenon of abortion altogether. Now, who’s
willing to work towards this kind of world, instead of writing
incendiary stubs in student papers about ‘baby murder’?
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11
Hell on the
Silver Screen
Justin "Nibbles" Banks
Assistant Games Editor
Just as how movie-based games are
usually mediocre, game-based movies are
usually the same. The movie of the famous Doom series is no exception.
When it was announced that there was
to be a Doom movie, the reactions were
mixed to say the least. This is because in
the past if a game-based movie had blown
big time then the game series was regarded
as being forever tainted. A prime example
of this is House of the Dead, that uber
crappy film that came out a few years ago
where the director thought it would be nice
to include clips of the House of the Dead
videogame in between scenes or during
fights. Never let this retard direct again.
He ruined a perfectly good game franchise
by turning it into the perfect example of
how not to make a videogame film.
Well, back to Doom. As soon as the
Universal Studios
logo makes its appearance on screen, replacing the Earth with
Mars, you realize that
you’re viewing something special. Upon
the beginning of the
film scientists are running in a mad dash to
get out of the
UAC facility, right there you know that
Doom takes no time to reach the main
storyline. Monsters are running rampant
in the Mars facility and the marines are sent
in to take ‘em out. The story has been
modified from the game to sound a little
more rational, now being that instead of
demons there are mutated humans with
an added chromosome. The archaeological dig on Mars has discovered skeletal remains of humanoids whose cellular
makeup consisted of not the normal 23
chromosomes but 24, making them superhuman. Being
sent in to destroy these
mutated humans are
a spec-ops squad lead
by the Sarge (the Rock).
Seemingly strange
enough, the Rock is
the only actor whose
acting is not up to par.
At some points you just want to lay the
smackdown on the Rock for even thinking
about taking acting as a 2nd career.
Immediately as the title screen appears
it’s shown that the production values are
set very high. Doom relies heavily on
animatronics and costumed actors for the
imp and hellknight encounters, while the
pinky demon is entirely CG. When the
marines are maneuvering through the corridors you get the feeling that you are in the
game as the environment is taken directly
from the textures used in Doom 3.
The most discussed moment in Doom
is the four minutes of first person footage. This is near the end of the film so you
do have to wait a while to get to the good
stuff. Shown in the eyes of Reaper, this
sequence is old-school Doom. Enemies
lurk towards you as if waiting for you to
put a bullet through their heads, yet some
are smarter as the imps see your sick weaponry and decide to retreat to do battle in a
more advantageous area. The best part of
the first person bit is encountering the
pinky demon, where the chainsaw is taken
out to do some serious damage.
Better than the average game to film
interpretation Doom is a definite must see
for fans of the franchise. Goddamit Rob
stop doing the robot while I’m typing this
article.
The New Band Aid
Jessica Kalmar
Assistant Editor-in-Chief
Not that sketchy liquid bandage spray that
you’ve almost bought before, the new Band Aid is
actually a parody of Bob Geldof’s Band Aid anthem “Do They Know It’s Christmas.” Montreal
musicians Nick Diamonds, of the defunct band the
Unicorns, and Adam Gollner co-wrote the single
“Do They Know It’s Halloween” as an addition to
the mass of recent benefit recordings. Part of
UNICEF’s annual fundraising efforts, its official
release date is on October 11th.
Band Aid is a charity group that was founded
in 1984 by fellow musicians and activists Bob Geldof
and Midge Ure. Its original intent was to provide
famine relief for Ethiopia by releasing the song “Do
They Know It’s Christmas,” featuring a truckload
of prominent British artists. Following the success
of the single, Geldof produced Live Aid in July
1985, and Live 8 exactly 20 years later. Both were
multi-venue concerts organized to provide funds
for poverty stricken countries, and drew tremendous media attention.
Diamonds, when the song was mentioned, said
exasperatedly: “’Do they know it’s Christmas?’ What
a ridiculous question to ask someone!”
Meanwhile, Gollner diplomatically stated that
although he respected Band Aid’s enormous political and social impact, the patronizing nature and
Western centralism of the song’s lyrics seemed “so
misguided and inappropriate […] how are lines such
as ‘Well tonight thank God it’s them instead of you’
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supposed to be helpful?”
Inspired by the current climate of fear among
Western nations, the collaborators decided that terror would be the main component of their brainchild. With ghouls and ghosts creating mass hysteria, Halloween is a time of need for America; the
song is a rallying cry to the international community
for “the fear, we endure once a year/all hallow’s eve
we are afraid!/Do they know it’s
Halloween…tonight?”
Recorded by NAHPI, short for North American Halloween Prevention Initiative, “Do They
Know It’s Halloween” is the answer to an indie
rock fan’s dream. Canadian indie bands the Arcade
Fire, Sloan, and Wolf Parade contributed, on top
of Beck, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, and Sonic Youth.
United in its diversity, other acts featured in the
song include comedian David Cross, Inuit throatsinger Tanya Tagaq, and MuchMusic’s madcap
Nardwuar.
Produced by New York City’s Vice Recordings, and funded by Sony Connect, all proceeds
from CD sales, expected to surpass $10,000, will go
directly to UNICEF. Though it is a small sum in the
grand scheme of things, every little bit counts, and
UNICEF is happy with the publicity.
Though some might say that Bob Geldof’s bandaid is being ripped off, I say that the evil contemporary to “Do They Know It’s Christmas” is “both a
trick and a treat,” and is a welcome addition to any
fundraising effort. Listen to it at www.vicerecordings.com/halloween.
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Going the distance...Again?
Robert J. Briza
Editor-in-Chief
It was the story of a guy whose
whole life was a million to one shot.
But he proved to the world that he was
one in a million.
Sylvester Stallone has once again
taken on role as boxer Rocky Balboa,
and will direct the sixth installment of
the film series, which will be titled simply “Rocky Balboa,” The film will be
co-produced and co-financed by MetroGoldwyn-Mayer, Columbia Pictures
and Revolution Studios and will be
distributed by Columbia Pictures.
Stallone has been trying to make a
sixth movie for years and has spent
time reworking a script. The latest version, which sources said is similar to
tone and grit to the first two movies,
persuaded the studios to negotiate a
deal.
In the new installment, Rocky,
lonely and retired in Philadelphia,
comes out of retirement, intending to
fight a few low-profile local fights. He’s
approached to fight a match with reigning heavyweight champ Mason “The
Line” Dixon, and soon his comeback
ignites a media firestorm.
“ ‘Rocky Balboa’ is about every-
WWE: WTF?
James Snelgrove
Contributor
Wrestling: The grand, glorious
tradition of generations. It is an
epic event that has attracted the
young and old alike throughout
its existence. I am one of those
who is drawn to the flame,
having been a wrestling fan
since age five, when I wasn’t
allowed to watch it. I would
sneak downstairs and watch it
on Saturday mornings. This was
before WWF Attitude in the
early 90s, the gimmick era of
wrestling. Steathily, I grew up on
Hogan, Ultimate Warrior, Bret
Hart, HBK, and Diesel (Razor
who? Under-what?).
For a fatherless boy with
few to no male role models, these
were days of ecstasy for me.
Wrestling wasn’t fake; it was real
to the core. When Luger lifted
Yokozuna, my world shook; the
unthinkable had happened.
Wrestling was epic and godlike...it
was the Attitude era of WWF, and
the NWO-era of WCW, and I
gobbled it up gleefully on the
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body who feels they want to participate in the race of life, rather than be a
bystander,” Stallone said in a statement. “You’re never too old to climb a
mountain, if that’s your desire.”
Shooting is scheduled to begin in
December in Los Angeles and Philadelphia.
The film will be produced by
Charles Winkler, William Chartoff,
David Winkler and Kevin King. Robert
Chartoff and Irwin Winkler, producers of the previous “Rocky” films, will
serve as executive producers.
ICM-repped Stallone received Academy Award nominations for starring
in and writing “Rocky” and the 1976
MGM film won an Oscar for best picture, best director and best editing. The
movie grossed $117.3 million at the
domestic boxoffice, making Stallone a
film star and creating one of cinema’s
most famous characters. It also
launched one of the most successful
film series of all time. 1979’s “Rocky
II” grossed $85 million while 1982’s
“Rocky III,” which featured Mr. T,
grossed $120.2 million. “Rocky IV,”
with Dolph Lundgren, released in 1985,
made $125.4 million. By the decade’s
close, however, audiences seemed to
have tired of the character and “Rocky
5,” released in 1990, made only $40
million.
Saturday mornings when last
week’s matches were played. But
during this time, something
happened: Attitude was lost, and
by the late 90s, WCW was dead. It
wasn’t right.
I know that this could simply
be idealism, but even the campy
days of old WWF, during which
they had Gobbledygooker (a man in
a big rooster suit) wrestling, were
better than these aimless modern
times. Vinnie Mac has lost the F
and been taken down a peg on the
ladder. The newly christened WWE
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The Shout Out
Louds: a Howl
at a Gaff
Krystyna Glavinovic
Contributor
I went to the Bandersnatch office last
week to pick up a CD to review. There were
the Shout Out Louds (previously called
Luca Brasi) just sitting there, waiting for
me. The CD Howl Howl Gaff Gaff looked
terribly unprofessional, the case didn’t hold
the CD properly so the disc kept falling out
and the inside cover booklet was printed
on cheap paper. I thought the worse. We’ve
all judged a book by its cover.
I hate to admit it when I’m wrong
but… I was wrong.
The one thing that truly stands out
in the Shout Out Louds album Howl
Howl Gaff Gaff is the insightful lyrics. You don’t often see lyrics that are
as clever and interesting as these.
Listening to the album, I’m hard
put to choose whether I think of them
as slightly Postal Service-y (just listen
to the first few beats of “The Comeback” to know what I mean) or like
Bright Eyes (think “Lover, I Don’t
Have to Love”). The lead singer, Adam,
has just enough scratch and rasp in his
voice to distinguish himself from the
plastic, honey-covered voices of the
artists played on the radio.
Running through the album, track
is buying up talent left, right, and
centre, but doing nothing with it.
As anyone who keeps up with
wrestling news knows, Vince keeps
hiring Luchas and Japanese
wrestlers for his “cruiserweight”
division, and doesn’t let them do
the moves that they have
trademarked as their finishers.
Where once the cruisers flew
with pride, they now sit and
whimper in the corner.
Because Vince is secure in
his throne as the only
“mainstream” televised wrestling
stateside, he has gotten lazy and
“safety-minded,” not to mention
greedy. With no competition, the
WWE, to its old fans, has died.
Cena is a poor replacement for
Stone Cold or the Ultimate
Warrior. He may have charisma,
but he can’t invigorate the
federation as the other two did
in their days. Lets face it:
Nothing can save Vinnie Mac’s
baby now.
But, what’s that on the
horizon? T...N...A...? What’s that?
It’s wrestling, on TV...that is not
the WWE?? TNA is where all the
talent that the WWE is wasting
goes when the wrestlers get canned
for being useless or for not working
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by track, we’re left with several distinct
impressions. The first is that the 5
bands members (Adam, Carl, Ted,
Bebban and Eric) do what they want
whenever they feel like doing it. Hell,
that’s why I like them so much. One
quote in their bio on their website really stands out:
“They [the band members] had all
been friends since they were rather
small and they loved the same records
so there was really no point in not starting a band.”
This calm sense of doing what you
feel needs to be done is a prominent
and tangible presence in the album.
The plunky keyboard sounds and the
rhythmic background drum beats keep
this Swedish band interesting and you
wonder where the time went when
your CD player has stopped playing.
You’ve reached the end of the album.
You’ve raced through “The Comeback”
and “100º”, you’ve calmly walked
through “Go Sadness” and “Seagull”
and you’ve bobbed (yes, bobbed!) your
head to “Hurry Up Let’s Go”.
Come November 6th 2005, you’ll be
able to hear them howling at the local
gaff: the Cabaret Music Hall, downtown.
Howl Howl Gaff Gaff was released
May 24 th 2005. You can visit the Shout
Out Louds website at http://
www.shoutoutlouds.com/ for more
information concerning the artists.
within WWE’s style. TNA is the
future of wrestling.
While last night’s RAW was
on, I walked the dog and surfed the
Internet, catching only a few key
matches. Meanwhile, TNA keeps me
glued to my screen. Their stories
aren’t great, but their athletes
aren’t bound by Vinnie’s B.S.
policies. Do you want to see some
Cruiser weights wrestle? Instead of
tuning in to SmackDown for that
Rey Mysterio match, watch TNA’s
X-Division; it’ll blow your mind.
Hell, watch it for the novelty of the
six-sided ring alone. If ever you
cared for wrestling, give TNA a
chance. Watch it on Spike TV on
Saturday nights – I guarantee that
you’ll be impressed.
Now, one can only hope that
the talented wrestlers of the WWE
cut themselves off from their
contractual tumors, so that the
future of wrestling will be
ascertained, so that we can all be
entertained, and so we can share
our love of this great even with our
children for generations to come.
13
F.E.A.R.
Justin Banks
Assistant Games Page Editor
Whenever a game so demanding
such as FEAR, First Encounter Assault
Recon, is released, the required specs
are always consulted when looking into
making a purchase. Well, get ready to
steal your little sister’s lunch money and
refrain from spending your own because if you don’t have a sweet graphics card, then you aren’t enjoying the
cold-sweat inducing joygasm that is
FEAR.
Out now for the PC, FEAR intends
to outdo previous horror/thriller FPS
games while entirely overkilling on the
scare factor. You play as a newly recruited agent for F.E.A.R. sent out on
a mission to infiltrate and destroy
Paxton Fettel, a military commander
gone mad who is now in command of
a battalion of genetically-engineered
government clones. Other than the
weird occurrences that constantly involve a creepy little girl, that’s about all
that there is to the story so far without
ruining it for you rich bastards able to
run this game on your PCs.
As I said previously, this game will
eat up your computer’s resources, and
for a good cause. With a graphics engine that is possibly unmatched FEAR
presents jaw-dropping gorgeous character models with so much detail etched
in that it becomes impossible to believe that this is possible on a computer screen. The environments are so
deeply detailed to a point that they
become surreal in appearance. The assortment of weapons shine as if every
part was freshly waxed, and what is an
FPS without it’s fancy weaponry.
The weapon physics are simply
amazing, giving you the experience of
having that sub-machine gun in your
hands and feeling the recoil with every
single shot let loose. Of course not
limited to just a sub-machine gun,
FEAR’s armory includes pistols, dual
pistols, assault rifle w/scope, rocket
launcher, and a few more such as the
pump-action shotgun. You just can’t
have fun in a physics driven shooter
without a shotgun.
As we come to the physics of
F E A R , w e f i n d s o m e t h i n g n e w,
unique, and quite gory. Just as how
barrels fall over and roll down the hallway and coke cans get blown off desks
into the walls, body parts also partake
in this festivity of gruesomeness. Give
an opposing soldier an up-close shot-
gun blast and his arm will come flying
off in a twirling ballet of appendix
losing goodness. All the while blood
spurting from where the limb was a
second ago and splattering the walls in
what kept that armless bastard alive.
BLOOD PHYSICS, as if there is anything cooler than that. And if that
isn’t sweet enough, your character has
enhanced reflexes allowing you to slow
down time to enjoy the gorefest even
more, and to avoid getting shot, 'cause
thats always good.
Playing with your mind almost
around every turn, the sound in FEAR
plays a crucial element, raising the hairs
on the back of your neck and wetting
the crotch region in your pants almost
instantaneously. Noises heard from all
over warn you of your impending
doom, from a soldier’s footsteps to a
disembodied voice threatening your
very life.
For a game that will definitely keep
your girlfriend up at night, *wink
wink*, experience FEAR that your
mind will never be capable of comprehending.
no more one man commando missions).
If you take a parachute kit you only have a
pistol so you're going to have to re-think
how you waste your team's air support.
Also rewritten is the game play for
tanks, aside from added vehicles like the
Josef Stalin 2, Jagdpanzer, Panther, King
Tiger and etc. You utilize a proper (and
accurate) gun sight with a range finder, instead of that stupid cross hair.
So in conclusion the mod is an amazing WWII experience! Download it! It’s
free! (Make sure to download the mod in
three parts then the patches as
downloading it in one chunk requires you
to pay for an account with file front). So
install it and enjoy!
Final Rating 5 out of 5
Battlefield 1942: Forgotten Hope
Blayne Bradley
Games Page Editor
When Battlefield 1942 came out, many
people were overjoyed at the prospect of
having an FPS (First Person Shooter) where
you had a vehicle combat sim and a flight
simulator all in one. Next came the expansion “Road to Rome” which featured us
tough Canadians in battles like Antherm
Bridge and Mount Cassino, and other Italian Theatre maps plus a few British vehicles. Then came a second expansion, Battlefield 1942: Secret Weapons of WWII
which added cool vehicles like jets, jet packs,
amphibious jeeps and rocket halftracks. But
all of that pales in comparison to the ultimate beta mod for Battlefield 1942 (plus
its expansions), and that is the Forgotten
Hope total conversion modification.
Downloadable for free at http://
forgottenhope.bf1942files.com/
main.php?flash=no, This mod completely
rewrites how FPS should be played. It rewrites the entire code of the game adding
dozens of modified maps, adding over
TWO HUNDRED vehicles! Also rewrites
how the soldier kits work adding dedicated
kits so that now you have the ability to
spawn as a tank commander, who possesses
a pair of binoculars, a luger and the ability
to repair the tank, all things you’ll ever need
for driving a tank. Also, the game adds doz-
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ens of weapons. No longer do the Russians use Sten guns, now they use the PPHS
sub-machine gun. The Japanese also get
an officer’s sword with officer kits and their
support kit possesses a scoped machine
gun. On the other hand, remember that if
you want to go into planes (new planes
were added as well) you will want to find
the parachute kit located near the planes or
else you’re gonna die when you bail out (so
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Friends don’t let friends play World of Warcraft
Judy Gelsthorpe
Entertainment Editor
Many among us have experienced
World of Warcraft in all its glory. The
quality of the
game is not the
question here.
The question is:
can we really afford to lose all
our free time to
this game? The
answer: probably
not.
Wo r l d
of
Wa r c r a f t
is
among the most addictive games ever
to hit the market, so addictive that
there should be a support group for
this game.
A social life is a very important
thing to have at Abbott, and every
where else, but is difficult to maintain
if you spend every spare moment staring excitedly into a computer screen.
Worse than that, it’s difficult to main-
tain if all your friends do. If you or
your friends can’t afford the loss of a
social life, don’t play this game.
If everyone at Abbott owned this
game, half of the school would be
empty because they all
skipped the
maximum
number of
classes before
failing to play.
A quarter of
students
would drop
out to spend
more time
with their beloved computer. Not only
that, but fights would break out in the
hallways over which race is the best,
whether or not any of it could happen
in real life, and more impor tantly,
whether or not it IS real life.
I know many addicts are probably
claiming that the game itself is a form
of social life because its online network
is so expansive, but that doesn’t really
count because all you talk about on
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there is World of Warcraft. Hardly
seems like getting
away from the
game, does it?
Most
addicts
claim that you
learn how to
communicate at
the same time
but last time I
checked, it wasn’t
as easy as pressing
a button to start
a decent conversation
with
someone.
To be fair, the
only reason it’s so
addictive is because it’s such an
amazing game.
With eight races
to choose from (some good, some evil)
and it’s elegantly detailed, slightly cartoon-ish game world, it’s easy to see
why so many are entranced by World
of Warcraft. More importantly than any
of its other characteristics, even its
2005 - 10 - 26
massive game world or its impressive
online network, is
how much fun it is to
play. Its high level of
complexity is masked
by a very simple, well
organized interface
and easy to learn controls. The game is so
user-friendly that it
doesn’t even need a
tutorial.
If you choose to
play this game, remember not to be
taken in by the fast
game play and flashy
graphics. Remember
that even though the
game seems like a social life, it’s still a
good idea to go out
with friends once in a while, and maybe
even go on a date or two. Don’t let
World of Warcraft ruin your life. Always remember: Friends don’t let
friends play World of Warcraft.
15
The Best
Rivalries in
Sports
Joanna Lozowik
Sports Editor
Whether you’re a hockey, baseball, basketball, or football fan, you all know that
the best games to watch are the ones between the teams that hate each other the
most. And that’s a fact all sports team
have in common; heated rivalries are always the most anticipated games of the
season. So, I’ve come up with a list of the
top rivalries in different sports.
These two teams have been battling for
first place in the division for decades, and
even though many claim that this rivalry is
basically media-created, fans of both teams
know better. The Red Sox never recovered
from selling Babe Ruth (who later became
the best home run hitter of his time). Last
year, both teams met in the playoffs, where
the Red Sox finally managed to beat the
Yankees, thus achieving the most extraordinary comeback in baseball history.
NEXT GAME:
Next baseball season.
NBA: LA Lakers vs Boston
Celtics
NFL: Washington Redskins vs
Dallas Cowboys
“Hating the Redskins is part of the
fabric of being a Cowboys fan,” said
Washington spokesman Carl Swanson.
This rivalry was at its peak between the
70s and 80s, as Redskin fans despised
Tom Landry, the Cowboys’ amazing
offense, and their cheerleaders. On the
other hand, Cowboys fans hated
George Allen, Joe Theismann, and the
Redskins’ ridiculous logo.
NEXT GAME:
December 18, 2005.
NHL: Montreal Canadiens vs
Toronto Maple Leafs
HONORABLE MENTIONS
Steelers vs Cowboys (NFL)
Giants vs Dodgers (MLB)
NYI vs NYR (NHL)
Muhammed Ali vs Joe Frazier (Boxing)
Avalanche vs Red Wings (NHL)
Nordiques vs Canadiens (NHL)
SUJAC SUCKS
MLB: New York Yankees vs
Boston Red Sox
There are simply no other rivalries in
Major League Baseball that even come close
to that of the Yankees and the Red Sox.
It started in the 60s, when the Celtics
defeated the Lakers six times in eight years
to claim the title. It was also strong in the
80s, when Larry Bird (Celtics) battled Magic
Johnson (Lakers) head on. The rivalry between these two teams also helped the
league financially, as it was struggling with
a low number of viewers. Increasing attendance helped make the NBA one of the
most dominating leagues in the United
States. Today, as the Celtics have become a
mediocre team, the Sacramento Kings have
replaced the Celtics as the Lakers fans’ most
hated team.
NEXT GAME:
Lakers vs Celtics: Febuary 26, 2006
Lakers vs Kings: January 16, 2006
This rivalry comes from the days
of the Original Six, where, as there were
only six teams, the Habs and the Leafs
often played against each other. Even
though the Habs are the most successful team in NHL history, both teams
have had their ups and downs, and the
rivalry has always remained one of the
most heated ones in the league (even
though fans of practically every team
despise the Maple Leafs).
NEXT GAME: November 12, 2005
Next time you catch one of
these matches on tv, don't be surprised
if the fans get nasty, the players gets
pissed, the refs impatient, and the
coaches chew their gum even more ferociously than usual (think Pat Quinn).
But then again, what's a good game
without a little hate?
Proof that rivalry spurs things up:
try getting Habs-Leafs tickets, they've
been sold out since September.
Hey look! I'm in Bandersnatch! <"3
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