Edition 19 - IMAGINE Magazine


imagine
IMAGINE
January 2016
Issue 4 • October 2014
GAY
PARENTING
Assertiveness
adoption the new frontier
and
Resilience:
OLIVER
the
keys
to
SANCHEZ
coping
RESILIENCE
Assertiveness and
Resilience: the keys
to coping
Chicken and lentils with
balsamic glaze with Oliver
La Mia kitchenette offers salted caramel
LA MIA
KITCHENETTE
La Mia kitchenette offers salted
caramel
SEX
Sex Clinic for Men in
Mayfair & North London
YOUR
PSYCHOLOGY
Our Attitude Toward Life
Determines Life's Attitude
Towards Us
Gay parents and adoption the new frontier
INTERIOR DESIGN
relaxation into your life.
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imaginemagazines.com
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FEATURES
04.
Gay parents and adoption
the new frontier
Food & Nutrition
07
Chicken and lentils with
balsamic glaze with Oliver
08
La Mia kitchenette offers
salted caramel
LIFESTYLE
10
Our Attitude Toward Life
Determines Life's Attitude
Towards Us!
Wellbeing
11
Sex Clinic for Men in
Mayfair & North London
16
Assertiveness and
Resilience: the keys to
coping
FROM THE
EDITOR
In this edition the topic of gay parents
is topical as the government now for
the last year have spear headed the
change of adoption services to include
applications who are gay, single
parents, persons with disabilities and
those on benefits to volunteer to be an
adopter of children. There are many
challenges to adopting but one hurdle
that has been removed is the length of
time which used to between 2-5 years
which used to be absolute headache
and stressful for the applicants.
Now the process thanks to Minister
Gove is now 9 months ensuring a good
journey with reduced unnecessary
stresses ensuring healthy parents and
not ones worn out/burnt out by the
process. Or does it? Research seems
to suggest that it takes 3 years under
the new system and there seems to be
chaos with agencies stating they need
adopters and others who say they
don't need adopters as they have no
children to place with them. If you are
considering to apply to become an
adopter then do consider fully the
agency and do the research. Agencies
are hell bent on making the process
difficult for good honest couples and
it's confusing to the me as to why they
do this.
Matt & the team
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Editor In Chief
Matt Broadway-Horner,
[email protected]
Associate Editor
Susie Smith,
[email protected]
Contributing Writer
Phoebe Doyle
Contributing Writer
Brian Morton
Art Director
Pradeep De Silva
[email protected]
Graphic Artist
Brian Morton
Circulation Officer
Brian Morton
[email protected]
Sales Officer
Joe O'Brien
Gay parents and adoption
the new frontier
For some gay men have experienced the joy of parenting through the use of
lesbian friends who want to create a family also. Now with adoption being
Eric Smith
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broadened to include, lone parents, people on benefits and gay people this has
made the new possibilities amazing and exciting as the acceptance of other
family forms other than nuclear are now coming into mainstream thinking.
Moving away from the nuclear family has been necessary for a long time why?
Because it was never the norm is the first instance. The norm is a collection of
types of family that exist to survive. This is our heritage as a race of people that
we know how to survive and moving with the tide is essential to survive. Many
famous people have not had the nuclear family experience but still it has been
peddled as the family type of virtue and aspiration. Gay parenting is one that has
been trodden before but not on a mass scale before. The possibilities of
discovering new ways of approaching parenting dilemmas are here as with gay
parenting comes a fresh approach that does not keep up with the Jones's. After
all coming under scrutiny is not new and the journey involves children who may
research about
gay parenting is
extensive
showing that
children of gay
parents exceed in
education
compared to the
straight
counterparts.
health of the kids who are raised by
gays and those raised by
heterosexual parents. The gay
couples are the only ones who
exempted from the rights and
privileges of parenthood. The good
part was that the children were not
facing any problems which many
people thought they would be
also be targeted by prejudice. In
when the children of gay couples
Holland research about gay
were taken from them and given to
parenting is extensive showing that
heterosexual relatives or friends. It
children of gay parents exceed in
has been blindly decided that the
education compared to the straight
gay parenting has any kind of
counterparts with a significant
negative effects on the children.
margin. There are many pros and
There have been various studies
cons to this group but it's the same
that have proved that there are a
with straight parenting give or take
number of positive affects of having
the prejudice. What is important is
gay parents. The children would be
that children know that they are
having high empathy and tolerance
loved and know that life is to be
capacity. Apart from that the child
lived in full viewing life as half full
would accept things and facts very
rather half empty. Gay parenting is
easily. There is a misconception in
one of the things that are not
the minds of most of the people that
accepted in the society very easily.
the gay parenting would be
The gay couples are viewed as an
affecting the sexual preference of
inferior class. The worse thing is
the child. This was one of the
that the children are affected in a
arguments for not accepting gay
major way. It is not just by the
people adopting. But it is important
common man but also law
to spread awareness regarding this,
differentiates between those from
that there is no affect on the child's
straight parents and the children
sexual preference. The study even
having gay parents. If you check the
reveals that there is no difference in
legal records there have been cases
the emotional as well as mental
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facing. Evidence has been collected
that proves that the children having
gay parents socialise well with other
c h i l d re n h a v i n g h e t e ro s e x u a l
parents. However, all the evidence
goes to waste as long as people
remain intolerant quoting Freud as
evidence for dysfunction. Children
brought buy the gay couples would
be having a number of positive
affects, but, have to face numerous
problems due to the society's
behavior towards them. There is a
big need to spread the awareness
among the common man so that the
living of the children and gay
p a re n t s b e c o m e s b e t t e r a n d
comfortable. It is very important for
the society to accept gay couples
now or else it would be
discouraging them in having
children. In fact it is proved that the
gay
fathers
are
more
c o m p a s s i o n a t e t o w a rd s t h e i r
children, why is this bad stuff?
6
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Imagine•
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FoodDessert
For 4 portions:
by Elisabetta
sheet of baking paper, and a second
Pour into a small jug and allow to
tray on top to prevent from puffing
cool.
cream, 2 tbsps icing sugar, 1 tsp
3. Bake for
15min. Remove the
8. To assemble, place one square of
vanilla extract
tray and paper on top and bake for
puff pastry on a plate, spoon the
an additional 5 minutes, till golden
cream inside a piping bag with a
1 sheet of puff pastry, 300ml double
For the salted caramel sauce: 300ml
double cream, 85g unsalted butter,
plain tip, pipe the cream all over the
4. Remove, set aside to cool
pastry. Repeat two more times
5. In a bowl, pour the double cream,
9. Generously dust the top of the
sugar and vanilla. Beat with an
third and last pastry square, with
electric whisk till it forms soft
icing sugar and drizzle the caramel
peaks. Set aside
sauce
6. In saucepan, pour the double
Tip: I have used medium size flower
cream, add the butter and sugar,
cutters, however feel free to make
over a low heat and bring it to the
the shapes you wish.
100g muscovado sugar, 1/4 tsp sea
salt
Preheat the oven to 170C.
1. Place the puff pastry between two
sheets of baking paper.
Roll thin and cut 12 squares of 8cm
2. Place the squares on a previously
lined baking tray, cover with another
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boil. let it simmer till toffee coloured
7. Remove, add the salt, stir well.
Interior design bringing
relaxation into your life
Interior design is putting your
identity on a space and calling it
your own. It's the hallmark of your
life in a moment in time and can say
a lot about you. Here at Weeraddana
Designs Pradeep will guide your
through the process of designing
your space with charm and
elegance. He will firstly get to know
you and then your desires for your
space. Getting to know a client even
for the shortest of time is his skill in
being able to deliver the design of
your dreams.
Next to buying a
home is the stress of designing,
decorating and furnishing it but
here at Weeraddana Designs we
take that pressure of you and guide
you with ease through to the
finished product. For contact
[email protected]
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The natural beauty
of this world can
bring together
ethic design,
bringing together
colour and vitality
of living to be used
in your space
Our Attitude Toward
Life Determines Life's
Attitude Towards Us!
By David H Evans
Determine to live your life with purpose and
passion.
There's a well-known quote that goes "Our attitude
far better than you believe. Take a walk if you are
toward life determines life's attitude towards us."
frustrated. Just look at life as you walk until the
Attitudes do make a difference. Salesmen using the ideal
disappointment is out of your system. Determine to live
attitude beat their sales quotas; students using the
your life with purpose and passion.
proper attitudes make A's. Suitable attitudes pave the
where you wish your life to go and all which you would
way to a truly happy married life. Correct attitudes make
like to accomplish. Get a clear vision, to ensure that
you powerful in coping with other people to ensure that
you've got some thing to reach for. When you have got
it is possible to be effective as a leader. Among the very
your objectives firmly established, then you'll be able to
first qualities men and women notice when they meet
turn your new positive attitudes into action.
you is what you attitude is towards whatever you're
method for sustaining the proper attitude. Prepare your
responsible for. If your attitudes are negative, then you
self to deal with any difficult scenarios that may well
might want to undergo an "attitude tune-up”. Fully grasp
threaten your attitudes and throw you off course. You
the importance of attitude. Your attitude impacts every
ought to create some self-motivation tactics like
little thing you do, feel and say. If you wish to turn your
affirmations, visualization, positive talk, enthusiasm and
attitude about and get into action towards your destiny,
heightened expectations Read books and articles on
you might want to have the ability to resist negative or
these subjects and build understanding and abilities to
pessimistic thoughts that creep into your
boost your attitude.
consciousness. surround your self with positive men and
above, and create attitudes which will transform your life
women, and maintain in mind your ultimate objective of
and assure that you get the success you deserve
achieving the, respect, good results and wealth which
you deserve. Opt to remain positive. Power to choose is
God given. You are going to encounter some hurdles and
encounter some failures in life; but is really crucial that
you simply manage how you respond to whatever takes
place, and maintain your positive attitude , whilst
working towards your objectives. The bible says "I have
set before of you blessings and curses, life and death.
So choose life" What will likely be your choice?
Program" your attitude by training your self to remain
upbeat. Identify negative attitudes that continually set
you back. Assess your present day attitude and identify
aspects of which could be stopping you from becoming
prosperous. What are the underlying causes of one's
negative attitudes? Remind your self that you simply are
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Reassess exactly
Create a
Follow the five steps outlined
Sex Clinic for Men in
Mayfair & North London
By Matt Broadway-Horner
This is when a man can’t get it
up, or keep, an erection. Most
men experience it at some
time in their life
and some physical. Psychological issues tend to affect
younger men, such as first night nerves and so on. Often,
these problems don’t persist. But there can be more
serious psychological problems about sex that need the
help of a psychosexual therapist. Worries about work,
money, your relationship, family, and even worrying
about not getting an erection, can all be factors. Physical
reasons for erectile dysfunction include: Heart Disease.
Diabetes, Raised Blood Pressure, Raised Cholesterol:
this can lead to clogging of arteries, including the
arteries in the penis, which are very narrow (1-2mm in
diameter compared with around 10mm in the heart
artery), Low Testosterone: testosterone levels fall as men
“Sexual dysfunction is when he’s not able to perform
with his sexual partner,” says Matt Broadway-Horner.
“The main problem is being unable to get an erection. It’s
much more common than people realise. In the 20-40
age group it affects around 7-8% of men, in the 40-50
age group it affects 11%. In the over-60s it affects 40%,
and more than half of men over 70”.
Male Sexual
Problems, It can affect any man, whether he is straight,
gay, bisexual or transgender. Read more about erectile
dysfunction (impotence) and premature ejaculation.
Erectile Dysfunction (Impotence), This is when a man
can’t get it up, or keep, an erection. Most men
experience it at some time in their life. It only becomes a
problem when the man or his partner considers it a
problem
What Causes Erectile Dysfunction?
A variety of things cause it. Some psychological
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get older, but not all men are affected by it. Those who
are affected will have symptoms such as feeling tired
and unfit, and loss of interest in (and inability to have)
sex.
For more information on the clinics and how to
book an appointment please call 02074671508
Online
Bollywood
Indian
Style
Dresses
The best way to learn about Indian fashion is by
watching the celebrities on the television in bollywood
Indian style dresses. They are one of those set of people
who are always high on trends. And since our Bollywood
stars are constantly in the limelight, they indeed have to
look stylish through all hours. Moreover these celebs have
the responsibility of representing the country at large, they
ought to look stunning all this while. This is the reason why
our fashion designers constantly strive to make our celebs
look like true Bollywood stars. Additionally, these
bollywood Indian fashion designers put in their hard work
and creativity while designing the Indian dresses for them.
And this bollywood Indian style is well appreciated by the
masses not only in India but also across the globe. A few
of our Bollywood stars have left an impeccable mark on
the masses in terms of their Indian Style. To begin with
Kareena Kapoor's sexy saree, which she had worn in Chameli, received her accolades from the people. Ladies
planned their private parties with dress code: chameli sarees. This was not first time that bollywood clothes created
hysteria. Aishwarya Rai's Sarees in Devdas, Sushmita Sen's stunning look in the movie Main Hoon Na, Madhuri Dixit
created a mind-blowing impact with her Indian outfits in Hum Apke Hain Kaun. To cut the long story short, these were
just a few instances wherein our bollywood stars created a terrific mark on the classes and the masses. Talking about
Bollywood Indian style dresses, we cannot forget the pleasing looks of our stars at the time of the award functions. Our
bollywood heroines carry Indian dresses in all shades like shimmery orange, blue, hot pinks with utter grace. This
earns them insane amount of compliments. But the best part is that now even people like us can avail the benefits of
wearing such well-designed outfits by using the option of online shopping. Due to increasing demand of these classy
bollywood Indian style dresses not only in India but worldwide more and more websites are coming up and trying to
offer variety of bollywood Indian style dresses.
www.utsavsarees.com is among few of Indian websites offering wide variety of bollywood style Indian saree,
salwar kameez and lehnga cholis for the people miles away from India but are interested in bollywood Indian styles.
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Extensions To You and
Your Life
iPads, iPhones Therapy
However it can prove difficult to take
time off work to see a specialist due to the
growing pressures of working in a recession
and extensions to you and your life. Bosses
are trying to juggle many aspects of the
business and simply can’t afford to allow
team members to take time off. Or you could
be a stay at home parent who is struggling
with a problem and don’t know how to
manage or cope. Whatever the problem
video online therapy will help and be a
source of support and encouragement. But
why suffer in silence when technology now is
better than before and you can contact a
specialist via a smartphone, ipad, laptop
and desktop through using online service
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Available now payment for
therapy from your phone, iPad,
s m a r t p h o n e
www.cbtinthecity.com/shop/
14 • Imagine•
cbtinthecity.com
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City living comes
with its stresses,
slow down and
look around what
do you notice? Be
like a tourist and
describe what you
notice
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Imagine• cbtinthecity.com• 15
Assertiveness and Resilience:
the keys to coping
By Matt Broadway-Horner
We are going to look at how to be assertive and develop resilience and bounce back from setbacks on the road to recovery from
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Depression. Lets look at a simple model of what fuels
depression: Diagram 1
If we take a look at isolation this being the area that leads you to withdraw from meeting with friends, family and
not living to your general ideas of living, then there is the tendency to feel stuck and not moving forward. So lets take
a look at one Idea for Living (IFL), this being as a father: I want to be a father that is warm, approachable, consistent
with a caring hand to ensure they are loved and know right from wrong. Now the situation is being Depressed and
not wanting to get up and face anything-but ask yourself Q: Is being stuck in bed brooding about the couldashoulda-woulda thinking helping to get back to the Idea for Living of fatherhood or am I moving away from my IFL?
If the answer is moving away, then ask what steps do you need to take to move toward the Idea for Living for
fatherhood. It maybe that you can think of one action and that is better than none and it may surprise you in that the
one action may have a domino effect into other actions which then lead to lifting the mood. Ideas for Living areas for
consideration: Intimacy, Spirituality, Social, Politics, Mental Health, Parenthood, Leisure, Work
Self comforting for set backs
The ability to self soothe is important when recovering from Depression and so lets take a look at some tips. The
road to overcoming Depression is abit like a dance, three steps forward 2 steps back but remember the one step
that is covered. The one step that is covered will then be followed by 5, 6 ,7 and so on. The positive data log is
useful here in acknowledging the positives and spending 20 minutes daily to review on the large and small things
that are positives. Acknowledging the positive is like learning a new language and just like the language muscle
takes a while to build. Once built it is then strong and able to hold conversation developing in strength. Lets look
now at some positives to build the muscle of balance and view the bigger picture making it strong. Positive data log
is like a reality check to see what your achieving every day in line with your Ideas for Living. The reality check is
important in Depression as it has a way to darken everything. But when you step back look through the glasses of
‘what If I was not depressed’? and How would I view this?What would a friend say? If I were to look at this from the
perspective of a reality show from a lense of a camera what would I see on the TV? Do I wish to edit this view? And
act inline with how you would like to be remembered in those situations. These can be useful questions to ask one
self when trying to incorporate different perspectives other than the Depressed perspective. Depression is all about
paying attention to the negative as though Pandora’s box has been opened and everything including the kitchen sink
has been thrown in aaarh!!
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Imagine• cbtinthecity.com• 17
But try asking yourself : Is this me talking or the big
black dog of Depression talking? If it is the black dog
then do what you would normally do when not
Depressed. Also try the tourist exercise, first rate your
mood out of ten. Ten being bright in mood and zero
being low in mood. And then try the exercise.
Pit Stop Exercise-This exercise is using your senses
of looking, smelling, tasting etc and being curious about
what you do. No worrying or brooding is allowed here
just be in the moment and the next walk you go on then
try the Tourist exercise. Then rate your mood again.
Does your mood improve? Great then you are on the
right track and remember you can do it! Good luck
Pit Stop Exercise- Notice and Describe skill
Just spend 5 minutes now to close your eyes and
now focus on your breathing-describe what you notice
which maybe your chest rising and falling with each
inbreathe. Then focus on how you are seated and the
imprint of your body in the chair- the key here is to
notice and describe but without making a judgment “ I
notice that my hands are resting in my lap and my legs
are resting together with both feet on the floor”. Then
move your attention to sounds within the room and
again describe what you notice. Repeat this for your
thoughts and feelings remembering just because you
think it or feel it does not mean you have to act on it but
just stay in the chair observing your experience with
sounds, thoughts and emotions. This 5 minute exercise
can be useful in changing your relationship with
emotions and intrusive thoughts
Discovering you already know
how to do it
The ideas for living are a good place to start as we
all want to led our lives in a way that would make
ourselves proud and fulfilled. Lets set the scene and
look at some examples of Pradeep who is a man
separated from his partner after a 17 yr relationship and
has become depressed. He is house bound and feels
old and life is over! Lets uses some examples by starting
with Friendship:I want to be thought of as an easy going
friend who enjoys being in the company of others being
approachable and consistent as a friend.
Pradeep is waking up constantly through the
morning but does not get out of bed until 2pm and he is
ignoring calls from friends and family
Look at diagram 1
Idea for living: I want to be thought of as an easy
going friend who enjoys being in the company of others
being approachable and consistent as a friend. Pradeep
decides that ignoring the phone is moving away from his
idea for living and that he wants to get back to some
normality but cannot due to the low horrible feelings of
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depression. But what would happen if Pradeep would
acknowledge the low mood but act inline with his IFL?
So here you can see that Pradeep is having to
acknowledge the negative automatic thoughts but to
treat the thought with some skepticism and move
towards the IFL friendship and when thinking of this the
first behavioural goal that pops into his mind is he has
set to answer the phone the next time it rings.
In Depression there is no room for spontaneity, is a
controlling illness that acts like a thief robbing us of our
idea of self and how life is to be lived. So use the
Therapy to fit your situation. There is a time to challenge
thoughts and find evidence for and against but there is
also time to just allow thoughts to be there acting inline
with how you want to be thought of and or how you
want others to think of you. Ideas for living tap into our
sense as human beings as we are wired for the process
of self actualisation this being a term used by
Psychologists to describe the process of growing and
being the person you want to be.
Depression kicks in when you
are feeling stuck not able to live
according to a idea for living. This
shrinkage of life can be over a long
period of time but once recognized
then make steps to reverse the
shrinkage. For tapping into the
process of self actualization then
look at your IFL’s and ask yourself 2
questions for each area. Q1: How do
I want to think of myself? And Q2:
How do I want to be remembered
when I am dead? Lets take a look at
Pradeep’s idea for living with Family:
I want to be a loving and caring son
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who is always there for his parents. I
want to be available to my brothers
and sisters being the old John, loving
and fun to be with, living the life I
was born to live. Again Pradeep can
see that he is moving away from this
and makes steps to call his brother
to have a chat, rating his mood out
of 10, 10 being bright in mood and
zero being low in mood before and
after the phone call. This is tapping
into what we all do. Have you ever
done something and then said “ I did
not think I would enjoy that but I am
glad I went!”
This is tapping
into what we all
do. Have you
ever done
something and
then said “ I did
not think I would
enjoy that but I
am glad I went!”
Make the journey’s
end
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!