Saving Teens from Themselves - The Josh Anderson Foundation

heartbreaking headlines
REAL LIFE
SAVING
TEENS
O
n a cool Sunday afternoon in
November 2014, Cady Housh sat
huddled with her high school
soccer teammates in Olathe, KS,
listening as their coach talked to
them about the weekend’s horrible news.
Her friend and soccer teammate Ciara
Webb, 16!—!one of the team’s top forwards, a beautiful blond with a sunny
smile and a wickedly sarcastic streak!—
!had died, by suicide. As her teammates
hugged, and the grief-stricken coach
pleaded with the girls to confide in him
or someone else if they ever had problems, Cady stared off into the distance,
silent and shaken. “I heard she wasn’t
talking to anyone,” says a friend. “She
was like a deer in headlights.”
Ciara’s death shook her school and
community to the core. Cady, especially,
seemed to be struggling; on Saturday
night, she had tweeted that this was the
worst weekend of her life. But no one
from
THEMSELVES
A shocking fact: One in 12 high
school students has attempted
suicide in the past year. There is
no single reason, but the intense
pressure teenagers feel to excel
in the classroom, sports and social
media can quickly build into
a perfect storm of depression,
impulse and opportunity!—!
with horrific results. As families
struggle to cope with unfathomable loss, many are reaching out
beyond their grief to ensure that
no more children lose hope
heartbreaking headlines
DOUBLE TRAGEDY
INSPIRES A
MOM’S MISSION
TROUBLED TEAMMATES Cady Housh, left, and Ciara Webb lost their lives to suicide, as
do roughly 4,600 young people in the U.S. every year. In many high schools, teens are taking
prevention into their own hands by sending messages of support to their peers (opposite).
months leading up to the girls’ deaths,
neither of them seemed despondent, but
there were indications that all was not
well. Both had spent the fall nursing persistent, painful ailments that derailed
their soccer seasons. Cady suffered from
debilitating GI issues that often left
her clutching her stomach in misery.
“LOOK FOR CLUES — DON’T BE
IN DENIAL IF YOUR CHILD DOES
SOMETHING OUT OF CHARACTER.”
Photographs by Mike Garten (sticky notes); Getty Images (lockers).
REAL LIFE
realized how deep the teen’s distress ran.
She attended a boys’ soccer game at
6 P.M. on Sunday, and one of her coaches,
Tommy Howell, remembers that “she
seemed normal, not quiet, not alone, her
own wise-guy self.” Two hours later, she
went for a walk!—!and never returned. In
the blink of an eye, Olathe lost two of its
brightest stars to suicide.
“Cady was bubbly, outgoing…I never
imagined that she would do this,” says
a friend, Brooke. Though police determined that the girls had not made a
suicide pact, “Ciara’s death,” says Brooke,
“had to have put the idea in Cady’s head.”
When parents hear of such tragedies
happening to children like their own, it’s
natural to wonder whether there were
warning signs that were missed. In the
Ciara was coping with chronic compartment syndrome, an agonizing disorder
in which pressure builds up dangerously
in the soft tissue of the body!—!in Ciara’s
case, it was in her calves. She’d had six
surgeries, none of them successful, and
shortly before her death she had shelved
her dreams of playing college soccer.
She and Cady increasingly bonded while
benched on the sidelines at games.
Given their physical challenges, circumstances off the field may have taken
on more intensity for the girls, too. Ciara’s
parents were divorced, and each had
remarried; Ciara had grown close to her
stepfather over time but had a typical teen
relationship with her mother, Kim Mathis.
Although they were close, they would also
butt heads. “It was really tough,” says Kim.
“She was mad at the world, and she took it
out on me.” Kim noticed that Ciara was
watching too much TV and not going out
with friends. Worried that her daughter
might be depressed, she took Ciara to
a doctor, who prescribed medication.
“She said it made her feel worse, so she
went off it. Looking back, I feel I see signs
now,” says Kim. “But she acted normal.”
As for Cady, her parents split up six
months before she died. “It was tough on
her,” says Coach Howell. The former honor
student acted out by skipping classes and
shoplifting; in June 2014, she was arrested
for swiping a sweater from a local Macy’s.
Around her friends, Cady laughed off the
incident. But “it embarrassed her,” says her
mom, Cathy. “I think it was a cry for help.”
Cathy pushed Cady to get counseling,
but the teen refused to go. Cathy saw a
counselor on her own to seek help in
reaching her daughter, but Cady was living with her father full-time and continued
to cut classes, racking up four F’s.
Then Ciara died, discovered at home
on a Friday by her mother, Kim. “I had to
be hospitalized,” says Kim. “It makes you
feel like your soul is gone.”
Cathy, Cady’s mom, didn’t know what
had happened until Monday morning,
when she saw an e-mail about the teenager’s death. She called her counselor to
make an appointment for Cady, thinking
that Ciara’s tragedy might finally push
her daughter to agree to get support.
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REAL LIFE
heartbreaking headlines
REAL LIFE
ONE FAMILY
FIGHTS BACK
GRAPPLING
WITH GRIEF
Far left, a vigil for
Ciara and Cady.
“I’m not so sure
I’m in favor of them
anymore,” says Cady’s
mom. “Does it glorify
suicide, maybe make
it more appealing
for a child who is
struggling?” Near
left, Ciara’s teammates
come together to
honor her through
her jersey number.
about the risks and warning signs of
suicide. “Look for clues,” says Cathy.
“Don’t be in denial if they’re struggling
or doing something out of character.
Getting them therapy is not a punishment.” (For more warning signs, see
“Risk Factors for Teen Suicide,” below.)
Shortly after Cady’s death, Cathy
began working with local high school
students on a skit series intended to
PREVENTION WORKS: TEACHER
TRAINING CUT TEEN SUICIDES 28%
other what we’re feeling or why,” she
says. “Just hearing each other’s voices is
encouraging. We believe that our girls
are together, trying to send us peace.”
These days, Cathy is honoring her
daughter by sharing her story and talking frankly with other parents and teens
let teens know how to find help if they
needed it. “Kids were taught they could
not stay silent when friends talked
about suicide,” says Cathy. “They were
asked to sign pledges that they would
not commit suicide and that they
would intervene with friends.” After the
session, five students confided to school
counselors that they had had thoughts of
harming themselves.
Most recently, Cathy has been actively
pressing for the passage of the Jason
Flatt Act in Kansas and Missouri; initiated by the family of a Tennessee boy
who died from suicide in 1997, the
act mandates enforcement of teachers’
yearly certification in suicide-prevention
training in states that pass it (16 states
have done so thus far). In Tennessee
alone, youth suicides went down 28%
after the law went into effect. (See “What
Can Schools Do?”, opposite, for more
suicide-prevention programs your school
should be aware of.)
“I miss my daughter more than I thought
was humanly possible,” says Cathy. “I feel
a huge responsibility to others and to
Cady to raise awareness. I don’t want
her death to have been in vain.”
—!Julie Halpert
R I S K FAC T O R S F O R T E E N S U I C I D E
Suicide is rarely “out of the blue,” according to Joan Asarnow, Ph.D., director of the Youth Stress and Mood
Program at UCLA School of Medicine. “It’s likely that we miss the warning signs, which can look different
in teens than in adults,” she says. Depressed teens may appear angry, not sad, for instance. And adults may
dismiss extreme moodiness as teen melodrama or idle threats. Do not ignore these signals:
Changes in eating and
sleeping habits, loss of
interest in formerly loved
activities, withdrawal
from friends and family.
Saying he or she “feels
trapped,” that things
will never get better.
96 G H april 2016
Experiencing a big
loss, such as a death
or a breakup.
Talking about feeling
hopeless or having
no purpose in life.
Spending a lot of time
alone on the computer
(check the browser
history for suicidethemed searches).
Reckless or
self-injuring behavior
(such as abusing alcohol
and drugs or burning
or cutting).
Giving away beloved
possessions.
Being bullied or feeling
deep emotional pain.
Saying he or she wants
to die, making statements
like “You’d be better off
without me.” —!Peg Rosen
Photograph by Allison Long, republished by permission of The Kansas City Star (vigil).
“I didn’t know Cady was already dead by
then,” says Cathy. “They didn’t even
come and notify me on Sunday night.
My sister called to tell me.”
Grieving deeply, the mothers buried
their children. A few months later, Cathy
and Kim met. “We hugged and cried and
held each other’s hands,” says Cathy. The
two spoke on the phone regularly afterward. “We don’t have to explain to each
s
ince suicide took the life of 17-yearold Josh Anderson, of Vienna, VA,
seven years ago, his family has
continued to grapple with the loss.
Josh, a popular football player, died
the night before a disciplinary hearing at
his school. He’d been caught with marijuana and faced expulsion for the second
time!—!he’d already been expelled from
a different school for the same infraction.
To the outside world, he seemed to be
holding it together despite the stress.
But looking back, his sister Lauren
Anderson suspects that Josh had been
suffering from depression in silence,
a burden she’s determined that no other
teen should have to shoulder alone.
“Josh was never diagnosed, but in
hindsight, there were signs,” says Lauren.
“He was more lethargic, sleeping a lot,
wasn’t motivated. And then he was faced
with losing his entire life!—!that’s what it
seemed like to him. I don’t think he could
share what he was feeling because of
shame. Thinking about suicide, feeling
depressed and anxious, all those issues
are really taboo. He was a big, strong
athlete. You want to portray an image
that you’re doing great.”
To help reach other kids like her
brother before it’s too late, Lauren left
her investment-banking job and began
the Josh Anderson Foundation (JAF;
joshandersonfoundation.org) in 2012.
“Teens need to have the tools to help
themselves!,” says Lauren. “That’s knowing
they can talk about it; it’s normalizing the
topic of mental health.”
To date, JAF has raised $360,000 and
run mental-health awareness programs
for 62,000 students in 36 schools. Often,
speakers are former students (both athletes and nonathletes) who talk frankly
about their own depression and thoughts
of suicide. “There is a lot of pressure [on
kids] to get straight A’s, to be the club
president, good at sports, good-looking,”
says Lauren. “Kids who don’t fit into that
feel like they’ve failed. We want the message to be that we support you as a total
person. It’s better if students hear that
from their peers.”
Josh’s family believes their efforts are
making a difference. One day, Lauren
received an e-mail from a school psychologist in Annandale, VA, saying that
after going to a JAF event, a student had
sought help for suicidal thoughts she’d
harbored for two years. The teen got
therapy and is doing well.
“When Josh died, life as I knew it was
over,” says Lauren. “It helps to think that
he died so that others could live.” —!JH
HIDING HIS PAIN Josh, center, with his
family. Sister Lauren, third from left, thinks
peers can help prevent more tragedies.
W H AT C A N S C H O O L S D O ?
1
SCREEN TEENS
FOR SUICIDE RISK.
The Columbia
Suicide Severity
Rating Scale is a
user-friendly questionnaire that can help
school administrators
and doctors detect
suicidal kids and catch
them before they act.
cssrs.columbia.edu
2
TEACH TEENS
TO HELP ONE
ANOTHER.
Surviving the Teens,
a suicide-prevention
program, educates kids to
watch out for one another
on social media, in school
and during sports, as well
as on what to do if they
notice warning signs in
peers. cincinnatichildrens
.org/surviving-teens
3
PROVIDE HOTLINE
NUMBERS.
Some teen
populations may
be at greater risk of
suicide than others.
Thousands of teens
who are struggling
with their sexual identity have been helped
by The Trevor Project
(866-488-7386).
—!PR
heartbreaking headlines
HOW TO HELP
YO U R C H I L D
Maybe you have a gut feeling.
Or your teen might actually say
he or she is suicidal. In any case,
don’t fear that you’re overreacting. Your intervention could save
your child’s life.
Tell your teen you’ve noticed
he’s behaving differently and
you’re wondering what that
might mean. Ask if he is thinking
of hurting himself and whether
he’s made any plans or attempts
to kill himself. “Assure your child
that he can tell you anything
and that you love him no matter
what,” says Asarnow. “Say there
is no problem that’s too big for
you to solve together.”
Listen to and acknowledge your
child’s emotions calmly and
without judgment. “Many teens
don’t talk about suicide because
they’re afraid their parents will be
upset,” says Cathy Strunk, M.S.N.,
R.N., director of the Surviving
the Teens/Suicide Prevention
Program at Cincinnati Children’s
Hospital Medical Center. If your
child won’t talk to you, ask if
there’s a doctor, a teacher or
someone else he will confide in.
Restrict access to harm. “Firearms should not be in the house,”
says Keith King, Ph.D., director of
health promotion and education
at the University of Cincinnati.
Lock up prescription and OTC
medications, cleaners, alcohol
and other items that can be used
on impulse to inflict self-harm.
Make home a safe, loving place.
Research shows that family
connectedness helps prevent
teen suicide. Especially if your
child seems at risk and is isolated
from his peers, whether socially
or because he’s grounded, limit
his time alone. If you can’t be with
him, find someone who can be.
Ask your child’s doctor or school
counselor for a referral to a
mental-health specialist. If you
think he is in imminent danger,
take him to an ER, call 911 or the
24/7 National Suicide Prevention
Lifeline, 800-273-8255. —!PR
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