Signs of Spiritual Progress

PEMA
CHaDRON
START
WHERE
YOU
ARE
Signs of Spiritual Progress
'1\.slong as our orientation is toward perfection or success, we will never learn about
unconditional friendship with"q¥:~e!ve$, nor will we find compassion."
, .. ,
'.'4/", ,.
t is tempting to ask ourselves if we
are making "progress" on the spiri-
I
tual path. But to look for progress is
a set-up-a
guarantee that we won't
measure up to some arbitrary goal
we've established.
Traditional teachings tell us that one
sign of progress in meditation practice
is that our kleshas diminish. Kleshas are
the strong conflicting emotions that
spin off and heighten when we get
caught by aversion and attraction.
Though the teachings point us in the
direction of diminishing our klesha
activity, calling ourselves "bad" because
we have strong conflicting emotions is
not helpful. That just causes negativity
and suffering to escalate. What helps is
to train again and again in not acting
out our kleshas with speech and
actions, and also in not repressing them
or getting caught in guilt. The traditional instruction is to find the middle
way between the extreme views of
indulging-going
right ahead and
telling people off verbally or mentallyand repressing: biting your tongue and
calling yourself a bad person.
Now, to find what the middle way
means is a challenging path. That is
hard to know how to do. We routinely
think we have to go to one extreme or
the other, either acting out or repressing. We are unaware of that middle
ground between the two. But the open
space of the middle ground is where
wisdom lies, where compassion lies, and
where lots of discoveries are to be made.
One discovery we make there
progress isn't what we think it is.
is that
We are talking about a gradual awakening, a gradual learning process. By looking
deeply and compassionately at how we are
affecting ourselves and others with our
~.
I,"
-/-".
()-.~-I.·
. _I-'
/1.::.--1:.
back, or when we are completely tense,
or when we can't soften, or when we
can't refrain from saying something
harsh. We begin to acknowledge where
we are. This ability comes from meditation practice. The ability to notice
where we are and what we do comes
from practice.
I should point out that what we're
talking about is not judgmental acknowledging, but compassionate acknowledging. This compassionate
aspect of
acknowledging is also cultivated by
meditation. In meditation we sit quietly
with ourselves and we acknowledge
whatever comes up with an unbiased
attitude-we label it "thinking" and go
back to the outbreath. We train in not
labeling our thoughts "bad" or "good:'
but in simply seeing them. Anyone who
has meditated knows that this journey
from judging ourselves or others to seeing what is, without bias, is a gradual one.
So one sign of progress is that we
can begin to acknowledge what is hap- .
pening. We can't do it every time, but at
some point we realize we are acknowledging more, and that our acknowledgment is compassionate-not
judgmental, parental or autboritarian. We begin
to touch in with unconditional friendliness, which we call maitri-an
unconditional openness towards whatever
might arise. Again and again throughout our day we can acknowledge what's
happening with a bit more gentleness
and honesty.
\
We then discover that patterns can
change, which is another sign of progress.
Having acknowledged what is happening,
we may find that we can do something different from what we usually do. On the
other hand, we may discover that (as people are always saying to me), "I see what I
SHAMBHALA SUN
MARCH 1999
19
do, but I can't stop it." We might be able to acknowledge our emotions, but we still can't refrain from yelling at somebody or laying
a guilt trip on ourselves. But to acknowledge that we are doing all
these things is in itself an enormous step; it is reversing a fundamental, crippling ignorance.
Seeing but not being able to stop can go on for quite a long
time, but at some point we find that we can do something different. The main "something different" we can do begins with
becoming aware of some kind of holding on or grasping-a hardness or tension. We can sense it in our minds and we can feel it in
our bodies. Then, when we feel our bodies tighten, when we see
our minds freeze, we can begin to soften and relax. This "something different" is quite do-able. It is not theoretical. Our mind is
in a knot and we learn to relax by letting our thoughts go. Our
body is in a knot and we learn to relax our body, too.
Basically this is instruction on disowning: letting go and relaxing our grasping and fixation. At a fundamental level we can
acknowledge hardening; at that point we can train in learning to
soften. It might be that sometimes we can acknowledge but we
can't do anything else, and at other times we can both acknowledge and soften. This is an ongoing process: it's not like we're ever
home free. However, the aspiration to open becomes a way of life.
We discover a commitment to this way of life.
This process has an exposed quality, an embarrassing quality.
Through it our awareness of "imperfection" is heightened. We see
that we are discursive, that we are jealous, aggressive or lustful. For
example, when we wish to be kind, we become more aware of our
selfishness. \Vhen we want to be generous. our stinginess comes
into focus. Acknowledging what is, with honesty and compassion;
continually training in letting thoughts go and in softening when
we are hardening-these are steps on the path of awakening.
That's how k1eshas begin to diminish. It is how we develop trust in
the basic openness and kindness of our being.
However, as I said, if we use diminishing klesha activity as a
measure of progress, we are setting ourselves up for failure. As long
as we experience strong emotions--even if we also experience
peace-we will feel that we have failed. It is far more helpful to
have as our goal becoming curious about what increases klesha
activity and what diminishes it. because this goal is fluid. It is a
goal-less exploration that includes our so-called failures. As long as
our orientation is toward perfection or success, we will never learn
about unconditional friendship with ourselves, nor will we find
compassion. We will just continue to buy into our old mindsets of
right and wrong, becoming more solid and closed to life.
When we train in letting go of thinking that anything-includ·
ing ourselves-is either good or bad, we open our minds to practice with forgiveness and humor. And we practice opening to a
compassionate space in which good/bad judgments can dissolve.
We practice letting go of our idea of a "goal" and letting go of our
concept of "progress,"because right there, in that process of letting
go, is where our hearts open and soften-over and over again.•
CHOVRON
is the director o/Gampo Abbey in Cape Breton, Nova
Scotia, and author a/The Wisdom of No Escape, Start Where You Are
PEMA
and \"!hen Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times.
20
5HAMBHAlA
SUN
MARCH 1999