PAST_ISSUES_files/173 November ION FINAL WEB

Transcription

November 2015 WWW.IONAZ.COM 1
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WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2015
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FEZ 10 YEAR ANNIVERSARY
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FEZ PHOENIX
SEE MORE GREAT PICTURES AT IONAZ.COM
RAINBOWS FESTIVAL
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HERITAGE SQUARE, PHOENIX
EQAZ GALA
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C H AT E A U L U X E
NEON RAINBOW PARTY
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RC SALOON
SINS ON 7TH
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STACY’S
3819 North 3rd Street Suite 26, Phoenix, AZ 85012
(602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939
www.IONAZ.com
[email protected]
PUBLISHER / FOUNDER
Jack M. Tesorero ............................................ [email protected]
CREATIVE DIRECTOR
Kevin Bushaw ..................................................... [email protected]
EDITOR
Deon Brown ................................................... [email protected]
COPY EDITOR .......................................................... Austin Head
GRAPHIC DESIGNER ......................................... Angel Jimenez
PRODUCTION & ARTWORK SUBMISSIONS
[email protected]
ADVERTISING SALES
Jack Tesorero ............................................................ (602) 750-1164
[email protected]
PHOTOGRAPHERS:
Fernando Hernandez
Franklin Diaz Scotty Kirby
Sean Kapera
Stephanie Anne Donoghue
NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE
Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863
CONTRIBUTORS:
Addison DeWitt
C. Edwards
Ted Kirby
Peter Lora
Paul Sanchez
Miss Tiger
Published monthly by
1995-2015: 20 Years of Design and Creative Excellence
© 2015 JMT Designs, Inc.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
PRINTED IN PHOENIX, AZ
All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine
remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced,
altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited
usage rights can be purchased for a small fee.
NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company.
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Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication
of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our
knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona
are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you
own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future
publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the
ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are
fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use
of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that
ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.
CARNAGE - HALLOWEEN BLOCK PARTY
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BS WEST
Welcome to
Doggie Daze of Fall
it! Check it out on page 36.
T
his month, we
celebrate man’s
(and woman’s)
best friends. Our
(usually!) furry
family members.
Welcome to the
Doggie Daze “Pet’s
and the City 7.”
Whether you have a dog, cat, snake, fish
or goat, you know what I’m talking about.
Unlike family, they don’t judge, don’t tease
and don’t try to control you. If anything, you
judge, you tease and you control them. But
they come back for more. That’s why we
love them. Pictured with me and Kevin is
Brinley and our newest addition, Olive Juice.
Thank you for everyone who joined in the
photoshoot and donated money to the Halo
Animal Rescue, a no-kill animal shelter.
With your help, we raised over $400! For
more information about Halo, or to donate
or even adopt an animal friend, visit
HaloRescue.org
If you loved the TV series Ugly Betty, you
probably also loved to hate the snooty
“Marc St. James,” played by Michael Urie.
He produces and hosts Cocktails & Classics
on Logo TV. ION interviewed him about his
Broadway, movie and TV career. You’ll love
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Which way do you SWAY?
One of the hardest working
people I’ve had the privilege to
work with is Gary Guerin. I was
sorry to learn that SWAY Events
is closing. We wish Gary the
best of luck in his new job (still
in event production!) and hope
that we can continue his legacy
of producing great events for the
LGBT community.
Bar Bus a Go Go!
The nightlife scene is always changing,
always fun. Many hotspots are far from
each other, so the best way to experience
a night on the town is to use Lyft (first $20
ride is on us with promo code IONAZ) or
call Discount Cab. Today, we’re proud to
announce a third way: The new AZ Gay
Bus! Soon you will be able to travel to eight
bars and take the party on the road safely.
There’ll be food, drinks and fun on every
trip all for only $20. Check out their ad on
page 23 to find out more!
Use ION as your guide to your community
and be good to your furry (or feathered
or scaly) friends. Enjoy the Doggie Daze
“Pets in the City 7” issue!
Jack Tesorero
Dog and Man Lover
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Sunrise
Cruise at C7
Got the day off? Working the graveyard shift? If
you’re up at dawn, how ‘bout a little eye opener?
Start the day with a little bit of “fortification” and
greet the day with a breath of fire–or vodka–every
morning from 6-9 a.m. at C7. Check out their specials:
$1.75 well cocktails and $2 domestic beer. Every single
day! at Cruisin’ 7th, 3702 N. 7th St. Visit Cruisin7th.com.
See ad p. 19
AZGayBus.com
Get ready to party on wheels–safely and legally!
Leave the car at home and hop on the AZ Gay
Bus! Travel in comfort and style while you’re
having fun! $20 gets you all night rides, free
shots, you can BYOB and take advantage of
hourly stops at participating gay bars and clubs
along the “Rainbow Route” in Central Phoenix every
Friday, Saturday and Sunday night. It’s coming soon!
Check IONAZ.com regularly for updates! See ad on p. 23
Arizona Bowls for Equality
You might pick up a spare and you might even pick up
a date! Keep your mind (and your balls) out of the
gutter! Because HRC Arizona Bowls for Equality! It
happens on Saturday, November 14 from
11 a.m.-2 p.m. at Lucky Strike Bowling in CityScape,
50 W. Jefferson St. in Phoenix. Cost is only $25
per individual or $150 per team of six bowlers.
Search Facebook.com with “Arizona Bowls for
Equality” for more information.
Get Stuffed!
at Dick’s Cabaret
Forget the turkey dinner and cranberry sauce. For the
real “Meat ‘n’ Potatoes” start off your holiday season
when you join the sexy men at Dick’s Cabaret for
their annual “Get Stuffed!” party with the hottest allnude men in Arizona! Something the whole family can
enjoy! Well ... depends on your family. 3432 E. Illini St.
DicksCabaret.com See ad on p. 84
November 20-21
Red Light Party
Hey, ‘ho’s! Get ready for some hot ‘n’ heavy extratesticular action and dance your ass off at the Red
Light Party! This popular dance fest features DJ Frank
Terry spinning some bangin’ music bound to get you
hot ‘n’ bothered. Friday, December 4 at The Rock,
4129 N. 7th Ave. in Phoenix See ad on p. 5
NOVEMBER 2015 ION EVENTS LISTINGS
DATE
LOCATION
CITY
RC Saloon
Phoenix
Bars & Clubs
Phoenix
Karamba
Phoenix
The Rock
Phoenix
Charlie’s
Phoenix
PalazzoPhoenix
The Anvil
Phoenix
Charlie’s
Phoenix
Karamba
Phoenix
Karamba
Phoenix
The Anvil
Phoenix
Karamba
Phoenix
One n Ten
Phoenix
Stacy’s @ Melrose Phoenix
Dick’s Cabaret
Phoenix
The Anvil
Phoenix
The Anvil
Phoenix
Cruisin’ 7th
Phoenix
KarambaPhoenix
Anvil
Phoenix
RC Saloon
Phoenix
4
10
The Rock
Wrigley Mansion
DECEMBER
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EVENT
4th Sat
Mind Gasm Open Mic Night
Fri-Sun
AZGayBus.com
Sat
Wild Men of the West
Sun
Wild Men of the West
3
Charlie’s 31st Anniversary
6 #KirbyGirls
7
Rummage Sale/Blackout Party
13
Blackout Party
13
Customer Appreciation Party
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Military Ball
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Men of Leather Night
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Firebirds Sunday Bash
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Fall Feast
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NoHo Happy Hour
20-21
Get Stuffed Bash
20
Pups & Handler Party
21
Wax-A-Bear 21
Blue Comedy Show
27 Andaluz
28
Phx Boys of Leather Night
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Open Mic Night
Red Light Party
Festival of the Trees
Phoenix
Phoenix
2015 AIDS WALK
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DOWNTOWN PHOENIX
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NIGHTMARE ON 7TH AVE
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THE ROCK
T
he fabulous Michael Urie is back on
television! Urie co-starred as the foppish,
conniving fashionista “Marc St. James”
on the successful TV series Ugly Betty
(2006-2010). An accomplished Broadway
actor, he’s no stranger to film, either. Now
he’s executive producer and host to Logo
TV’s hit, Cocktails and Classics, screening
some of his favorite Hollywood films with
friends over drinkies.
Last season Olympia Dukakis joined Urie
for Steel Magnolias (“I love you more than
my own luggage.”) He’s played games like
“Guess That Cleavage!” on the air. He also
snuggled up “In Bed with Joel Grey” for an
interview while they watched Cabaret.
Michael Urie chatted with ION
Arizona about his career on stage
and screen and what he’d do
if Faye Dunaway came on
the set.
ION: You starred
on stage and
the 2005 film,
WTC View
about a young
man dealing
with the 9/11
aftermath in
New York.
It’s Happy
Hour!
Join
MichAEL URIE
for
by Deon Brown
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Cocktails & Classics
on Logo TV
Michael Urie:
That was made so
long ago now! I was
23 when we made it
and I was supposed be
33. Now I’m old enough to
play it and really get what the guy’s
going through. I kinda want to do it again.
family and it’s an amazing camaraderie
you get, making something week to week
together and playing a role that changes
weekly. It’s fulfilling because you get to have
a character and stretch within it, what you
do, how the character grows. The theatre,
going on stage night to night, having a live
audience, that’s something you miss. I miss
the people that I worked with on TV and
certainly miss the thrill of seeing a film put
together after you put so much time on it, but
walking on stage and telling a story every
night –there’s nothing quite like it.
ION: Is it hard to keep the emotions real
and new?
MU: Yes and no. What’s hard for me is that
moment before you go on. Walking out.
It’s frightening every time. You can’t
mess up; the audience only gets to
see one version. It’s not like a
movie or TV show where you
can start over and go for
that one right take. This
is perfecting it, then
being set free. That’s
frightening. In terms
of staying consistent,
having the right
emotions and finding
them organically every
night, I always think of
the audience: it might
be my tenth time or
twentieth time but it’s their
first time seeing it, tonight, in
ION: Which do you prefer? TV,
movies or stage?
MU: I love making movies, but
films become really boring; there’s
a lot of sitting around and you
don’t have any control over your
performance ultimately. If you get
a TV gig that lasts a while–like
I was lucky enough to get with
Ugly Betty–you really become
Cocktails & Classics guest stars
Drew Droege, Michael Musto, Jessica
Shaw and DJ Pierce (Shangela).
November 2015 WWW.IONAZ.COM
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this
situation,
with these
people.
That
puts the
onus on
me to tell
the story the
best way I can
every night so
that they can get the
best experience because
this is going to be their only
experience.
ION: Do you ever miss Ugly Betty’s
Marc St. James?
MU: That was a great character! They
didn’t have a lot of ideas about him before
the show started. Many came from the
writers getting to know me, so they wrote
to my strengths. I’d do something and
they’d figure out a way to capitalize on
that. Every script would have some new,
fun thing I’d get to play. Having really good
writers coming up with ideas for you week
to week was like being a kid in a candy
store. I miss that, in terms of work. I miss
the people. I had the most outrageous
wardrobe and I got to be snarky and funny
and lovable at the same time. I often meet
people who want to hug me even though
I was this mean, nasty guy. Somehow
people liked him and want to be friends
with him. I love that.
ION: Tell us about Cocktails & Classics.
MU: It’s a blast! I’ve had lots of screening
parties with friends watching a movie or
awards show. This is a TV version of that.
I get to take all these fabulous films, put
‘em on, get a group of people together–
some are familiar with the film, sometimes
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not–sometimes experts
who know everything
about these films. It’s
very silly! We choose
the tone of the movie
and incorporate it into
a theme night–like
hanging furniture
upside down when we
watched The Poseidon
Adventure, or a bowl
Michael Urie in
Buyer & Cellar
full of pills for The Valley
of the Dolls. There’s a
signature cocktail we drink
(for pretend– we are working!)
that has something to do with
the movie. It’s more fun for people
to watch with friends–like us–than to watch
alone. My dream is that people start having
Cocktails & Classics parties themselves and
it becomes this huge, meta thing where they
join our party with their party and there’s lots
and lots of parties!
ION: Is there a dream guest?
MU: Gosh! This season we have Veronica
Cartwright for Witches of Eastwick. She’s
great! We have Rutanya Aldo who played
“Carol Ann” in Mommie Dearest. We have
Pamela Sue Martin, the young woman in
hot pants from The Poseidon Adventure.
Show business aficionados can all get juicy
stories, but they’re never as good as when
they come from the horse’s mouth. If we got
Big Business and we had Bette Midler and
Lily Tomlin would be a dream come true.
Movies from when I was a kid–Soapdish,
Clue–movies of the 80s and 90s that I grew
up watching that really define me. Zany
comedies and disaster movies.
ION: You starred on Broadway in Shows
for Days with Patti LuPone (who was
also a guest star in 2007 on Ugly Betty as
Marc St. James’ mother). What would you
screen with Miss LuPone?
MU: We’re watching All About Eve this
season; that would’ve been great, although
Patti doesn’t have any great understudy
Michael Urie as Mark St. James in Ugly Betty
stories.
We don’t want
to want to touch on a
nerve, watching Evita
with Madonna.
(Laughs) She
might have her
opinions with
that.
ION: You
starred in
the one-man
show, Buyer
& Cellar, as the
sole employee of
Barbra Streisand’s
private Malibu estate
“mall.” What Streisand
film should every gay man
watch? What film of hers would you
suggest everyone watch?
MU: This season we screen Funny Girl. But
What’s Up Doc? for sure. Comic genius!
Everyone is totally brilliant! It’s so well
made. It’s a throw back of a throw back.
The style is stellar. That’s my favorite movie
of hers.
ION: What cocktail would you drink with
la Streisand?
MU: Something buttery, for sure. “Like
buttah.” (Exaggerated voice à la Linda
Richman A “Buttah-ry Nipple!” (Laughs)
ION: Let’s say when you’re broadcasting
Mommie Dearest this season that Faye
Dunaway walks on the set and sits
down. What do you do?
MU: If Faye wanted to join she would’ve
been more than welcome. If she sits down
on my couch, on my set of Cocktails &
Classics she better be ready. Hopefully
she knows how delighted we are with the
performance. We find it funny–we’re not
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necessarily moved by it, but we
enjoy it immensely. I’d have to tell
her, “You know we’re obsessed
with this, and we’re obsessed
with you because you really,
really swing from the fences
in this movie.” I wouldn’t
hold back. (Laughs) I’m
not sure it would go as
planned–but I wouldn’t
make too much of a
plan.
ION: You’re at home
with your partner,
Ryan Spahn, and
ready for some
“Netflix & Chill.” What
do you watch?
MU: We really like Homeland
and The Affair and Veep. He
likes American Horror Story, but it’s
a little too intense for me. I get grossed out
by it. Too bloody. I will watch it, but I have
to look away. In movies we have varied
tastes; he likes indies and dramas, I like big
comedies and action movies. One thing we
always agree on is upcoming movie trailers.
There’s an app on Apple TV to watch them.
Ryan produces Cocktails & Classics with me,
so we spend a lot of time watching movies,
talking about movies, dealing with movies, so
sometimes we just watch trailers and never
end up watching the movie.
ION: What would you like our readers to
know about you? Tell us a secret.
MU: I have an unhealthy obsession my dog.
Ryan and I spend too much time talking, and
thinking and looking at our dog, President
McKinley. And, well, she’s a girl.
We have an unhealthy obsession with
Michael Urie. Catch him hosting his movie
party Cocktails & Classics every Sunday
and Thursday nights on Logo TV on COX
channel 159, DirecTV channel 1272.
A Night at the
Imperial Palace
In association with Phoenix Pride, The
Imperial Court of Arizona presents a
pageant - the inaugural Mister & Miss
Imperial Pride Contest, a preliminary
qualifying pageant for Mister & Miss
Phoenix Pride! You can only imagine
the pomp and circumstance with this
extravaganza ... not to mention the silks
and satins with glittering crowns, coronets
and tiaras abound! If you’d like to sign up
to compete, visit ImperialCourtAZ.org. The
pageant is Sunday, November 22 at 6 p.m.
at The Rock 4129 N. 7th St. in Phoenix.
See ad on p. 25
NOVEMBER 2015 ION DRAG LISTINGS
DATE TIME 11/6
9:00pm
Mondays
9:30pm
Mondays
10:00pm
Tuesday
10:00pm
Tuesdays
9:00pm
Wednesdays 9:00pm
Wednesdays 9:00pm
Wednesdays 9:00pm
Wednesdays 10:30pm
Wednesdays 10:00pm
Thursdays
10:30pm
Thursdays
9:00pm
Thursdays
9:00pm
Fridays
10:30pn
Fridays
10:30
Fridays
9:00pm
Fridays
9:00pm
Fridays
9:00pm
2nd Saturday 9:30pm
3rd Saturday
Saturdays
9:00pm
Saturdays 10:30pm
Saturdays
10:00pm
Saturdays
9:30pm
Sundays
8:30pm
Sundays
10:30pm
4th Sunday 2:00pm
42
LOCATION SHOW / PERFORMER(S)
CLub Palazzo
#KIRBYGIRLS - The Ultimate Drag Photography Experience
Kobalt
Drag Bingo
Charlie’s
Claudia B Hosts Nearly Nekkid Men
Karamba
Savannah Moussier’s Show
BS West
Stars Choice Talent Showcase
IBT’s
Viva La DIVA
Cruisin’ 7th
Kira Daniels & Saellah V
Kobalt
Garden Variety Revue with Olivia Gardens
Karamba
Karamba Girls - Adriana Galiano & Karime Lizaldi
Charlie’s
Nevaeh’s High Heels & Halos
Karamba
Tejano Thursdays with Ruby Reynolds
Cruisin’ 7th
Drag Show Bingo with Aimee V. Justice
Twisted Peacock Throwback Thursdays with Celia Putty and Coco St. James
Cruisin’ 7th
Nikki at Night with Nikki Knowles
The Rock
Special Event Rotating Drag Shows
Plazma
Freaky Fridays with Celia Putty
IBT’s
Absolutely Flawless with China Collins
BS West
Elements - The Valley’s Top Drag Entertainers
Kobalt
Celia Putty
RC Saloon
Nikki Star’s Cactus Angels
IBT’s
Starrletts with Janee Star
Cruisin’ 7th
The Fabulous Mia Inez Adams
The Rock
The Barbra Seville Show
Charlie’s
Pussy’s Patio Show
Charlie’s
Pussy LeHoot & Friends
Karamba
Diamond’s Show
Cruisin’ 7th
“Big Sunday” with Big Booty Judy
Monster
This thought provoking adaptation of Mary Shelley’s “Frankenstein”
questions the existence of God, the nature of the soul and pursuit
of knowledge. Eerie, violent and profound. With a monster. Or
is he? November 7-29 presented by Nearly Naked Theatre at
Phoenix Theatre, 100 E. McDowell Rd. For tickets go to
NearlyNakedTheatre.com or call 602-254-2151
The Toxic Avenger
Who will save New Jersey? Toxie, a mutant freak with superhero
strength battles for a toxic dump cleanup. What happens when
he falls in love with the winsome Sarah and fights City Hall?
This rockin’ musical to shake, rattle & roll thru’ November 22 at
the Phoenix Theatre, 100 E. McDowell Rd. in Phoenix. Tickets:
Go to PhoenixTheatre.com or call 602-254-2151
Heathers: the musical
“What’s your damage?” Veronica Sawyer transfers to Westerberg High
and hustles her way into the ruthless clique known as “The Heathers.”
Veronica falls in love with J.D., and this has ramifications. Besties
vs. bullets. Darkly funny ... with singing! December 4-20 at Stray
Cat Theatre, Tempe Performing Arts Ctr. 132 E. 6th St. in downtown
Tempe. For tickets go to StrayCatTheatre.org
NOVEMBER 2015 ION THEATER + STANDUP
44
DATE EVENT
COMPANY
PHONE
6-22
Fiddler on the Roof
Mesa Encore Theatre
480-644-6500
7-29
Monster
Nearly Naked Theatre - Phx
602-254-2151
thru 7
Disgraced AZ Theatre Co. - Tucson
520-622-2823
7
David Spade
Talking Stick Resort - Scottsdale800-745-3000
thru 8
Book of Mormon
ASU Gammage - Tempe
480-965-3434
12-29
Disgraced
AZ Theatre Co. - Phx
602-256-6995
13-15
Jon Lovitz
StandUp Live - Phx
480-719-6100
13
Steven Wright
Rialto Theatre - Tucson
520-740-1000
14
Steven Wright
Talking Stick Resort - Scottsdale800-745-3000
thru 15 West Side Story
AZ B’way Theatre - Peoria
623-776-8400
thru 17 Heaven Can Wait
Hale Ctr. Theatre
480-497-1181
18-12/27 Wizard of Oz
Phoenix Theatre - Phx
602-254-2151
21
Blue Comedy Show
Cruisin’ 7th
thru 22 The Toxic Avenger
Phoenix Theatre - Phx
602-254-2151
24
Last Comic Standing
Mesa Arts Center - Mesa
480-644-6500
24-29
A Christmas Story: the musical ASU Gammage - Tempe
480-965-3434
27-29
Pablo Francisco
StandUp Live - Phx
480-719-6100
27-12/27 Christmas Carol
AZ B’way Theatre - Peoria
623-776-8400
28
Ben Vereen
Fox Theatre - Tucson
520-547-3040
thru 28 Mary Poppins
Hale Ctr. Theatre
480-497-1181
DECEMBER
3-6
Sebastian Maniscalco
StandUp Live - Phx
480-719-6100
4-20
Heathers: the musical
Stray Cat Theatre - Tempe
StrayCatTheatre.org
Gloria Trevi
The “Supreme Diva of Mexican Pop” is considered by many to be
the “Madonna of Mexico.” She’s provocative, gutsy and daring.
Trevi has sold over 20 million records and still ruffles a few
feathers. She brings her electrifying, “muy caliente” performance
to Phoenix on Monday, November 6 at
the Comerica Theatre,
401 W. Washington St. Get your ticket at
TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000
Melissa Etheridge
It feels like a long time since Melissa decided to come
through our window. She’s still rockin’ it, baby! She’s
continuing her tour and stops to raise the roof on Friday,
November 13 at the Fox Theatre, 17 W. Congress St.
in Tucson. Need a ticket? Call 520-547-3040 or
go to FoxTucsonTheatre.org
Adam Lambert
American Idol finalist and heartthrob brings his talent and “guyliner” to
the Valley promoting his new album, “Trespassing” (and maybe even
sing a couple of Holiday tunes to inaugurate the season!) at the 96.9
“Merry Mix-Mas” Radio X-mas Show on Thursday, December 3 at the
Celebrity Theatre, 440 N. 32nd St. For tickets go to
CelebrityTheatre.com or call 602-267-1600
NOVEMBER 2015 ION CONCERT CALENDAR
DATE ARTIST 4
Chris Cornell
5
Jason Derulo
6
Gloria Trevi
8
Dandy Warhols
10
Melissa Etheridge
13
Youth Lagoon
13
Melissa Etheridge
14
Heart
16
Collective Soul
22
Toadies
27
Meat Puppets
29
Juan Gabriel
DECEMBER
3
Adam Lambert
4
Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons
4
Tracy Lawrence
4
Tanya Tucker
LOCATION
Orpheum Theatre - Phoenix
AZ State Fair Coliseum - Phx
Comerica Theatre - Phoenix
Crescent Ballroom - Phoenix
Fox Theatre - Tucson
Wild Horse Pass Casino - Chandler
Desert Diamond Casino - Sahuarita
Marquee Theatre - Tempe
Crescent Ballroom - Phx
Tucson Arena - Tucson
PHONE
800-745-3000
ETIX.com
800-745-3000
602-716-2222
520-547-3040
602-716-2222
520-297-7777
480-839-0707
602-716-2222
602-716-2222
520-791-4101
Celebrity Theatre - Phoenix
Celebrity Theatre - Phx
Talking Stick Resort - Scottsdale
Wild Horse Pass - Chandler
Aural
Fixation
by Peter Lora
[email protected]
Disclosure Caracal
In the thick of the
EDM movement,
Disclosure has
managed to remain
a unique voice; their
sounds more sophisticated, their tasteful
use of nostalgia and an ear for new artists
to serve as the voices of their carefully
crafted songs. Settle, their first album,
introduced the world to AlunaGeorge,
Jessie Ware, London Grammar and Sam
Smith–all recognizable names now, but
in 2013, virtual unknowns. Settle not only
launched the aforementioned vocalists
into the pop stratosphere but brought
Disclosure commercial success and
countless accolades. The question became
how would Disclosure follow up an album
with so much contextual foresight and
perfection?
Sam Smith is back with “Omen.” Smith
is something rare: he’s usually buttoned
up and whimpering; here he’s confident
and sexy. The rest of the celebrity roster
doesn’t fare as well. The opening track
“Nocturnal,” by The Weeknd is a more
boring version “Can’t Feel My Face.”
Miguel is forgettable on “Good Intentions”
and Lorde’s “Magnets” is too predictable.
As on Disclosure’s debut work, the lesser
known stars on the second half of the
album shine brightest. Available Now
Janet
Jackson -
Unbreakable
It’s been seven
years since 2008’s
Discipline; to say
Janet–Ms. Jackson if you’re nasty–has
been missed would be an understatement.
A lot has happened since then: Michael’s
passing, her separation from Jermaine
48
Dupree, a marriage to a millionaire and
retreat to the Middle East. When Janet left
us, there was barely a Katy, a RiRi, nor a
Gaga. The question became when Janet
returned would she try to keep up with her
younger contemporaries à la Madonna or
make the transition to the vague genre of
“adult contemporary”? In her and Madonna’s
defense (despite the global and commercial
success of our current pop pantheon) frankly,
“they don’t make ‘em like they used to.”
The first single “No Sleep” is absolutely
perfect with it’s rainy night foreground, heavy
bass, sophisticated and sexy perspective is
the best way to remedy a lonely night. It’s
a Janet we haven’t heard from since Velvet
Rope. She references that era by sampling
“I Get So Lonely” on “Damn Baby.” Still, the
album lacks focus. An attempt at classic
R&B and Soul on the title track and “Gon’ B
Alright’ sounds like the Jackson 5, but more
contrived. “2 Be Loved” is Janet trying
on today’s Top 40, including
a very convincing Michael
impression on “The Great
Forever.” There’s no
denying her collaboration
with Missy Elliot because
“BURNITUP!” is fire.
Is Janet back? My
answer: She’s giving
you enough to get
by. Available
Now
Adele
THE DL SONGS TO DOWNLOAD
ARTIST - “SONG”
Adele “Hello”
Drake “Hotline Bling”
Erykah Badu “Hotline Bling”
St. Lucia “Dancing on Glass”
DJ Snake “Middle”
S. Gomez “Good For You” (Phantoms Remix)
Kelela “Rewind”
Moon Taxi “Day Breaker”
Rose McGowan “RM486”
St Germain “Sittin’ Here”
[email protected]
Love & Misery
Big Eden
(2000)
Starring: Arye
Gross, Eric
Schweig, Louise
Fletcher
Big Eden is a small
town tucked away in the
timberlands of Montana.
Henry Hart (Gross, an
original cast mate on Ellen
DeGeneres’s sitcom These
Friends of Mine/Ellen, 199495, a project he reportedly
hated), a successful New
York artist returns to his idyllic,
childhood home to care for his
ailing grandfather, Sam. He is
reunited with Dean Stewart, a
hunky, and (fortunately) recently
separated, straight-ish (?) buddy
of Henry’s and object of his
desire. They flirt. A lot.
Henry’s return sparks a
transformation in Pike Dexter (Schweig),
the shy Native American who pines for
Henry. He’s unable to express his feelings,
except through preparing gourmet dinners
for Henry delivered in the name of the town
yenta, the Widow Thayer (Nan Martin).
Curiously, the town (and film) is
astonishingly devoid of any homophobia or
strife, living up to its intended name of the
biblical garden paradise.
Look for the always brilliant Louise
Fletcher (the evil Nurse Ratched, One
Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest) as the kindly,
appropriately named “Grace.”
This award-winning indie film was a critical
success and now celebrates its 15th
anniversary on Blu-ray, timeless, aging
beautifully. It still pulls at your heartstrings,
capturing that yearning for true love in a
50
perfect world with no judgment. If you’ve
ever been in love, watch this touching,
gently unfolding love story.
Available now on Amazon,
iTunes, Vimeo On Demand,
WolfeVideo.com. Blu-ray
$19.95 MSRP
★★★★☆
Me and Earl
and the Dying
Girl (2014)
Starring: Thomas Mann, Olivia
Cooke, RJ Cyler
This picture is part of the tragic
genre of “poor, cute, dying
teenager.” Why? Cancer, what
else? In Pittsburgh, no less.
Greg (Mann) is the oddball
teenager (aren’t all teenagers
oddballs?). His mother orders him
to do a good deed and visit his
classmate, Rachel (Cooke, Ouija),
a vague acquaintance, because
she has leukemia. He shares the hilarious
amateur send-ups of great movies he
makes with his best friend, Earl (refreshing
and talented newcomer RJ Cyler, who is
curiously underutilized despite being named
in the title.)
All the ingredients you expect are here:
divorced, alcoholic parent (the spectacular
Molly Shannon shines as usual), high
school creeps, the rebel teacher and prom.
Reminiscent of the hit weepy The Fault in
Our Stars and Perks of Being a Wallflower
with some weighty dialogue, plus a dash of
John Hughes teen angst and humor.
Standout performances all around,
especially from free-spirits, “Greg’s
Parents,” Nick Offerman (Parks &
Recreation and indie king) and Connie
Britton (American Horror Story).
Well made, but unfortunately predictable.
Available now. Blu-ray, $27.99 MSRP
★★★☆☆
Muffs
& Magic
The Peanuts
Movie
America’s favorite
underdog, Charlie Brown,
proves he’s not a quitter.
The kid with the big head
is out to win the heart of that
obscure object of desire,
The Little Red Haired Girl.
He’s joined by the bitchy
Lucy, the philosophical
Linus, lesbian-esque
Peppermint Patty and
the sensitive, cultured
Schroeder, who we
secretly hope grows
up to be gay.
Meanwhile, Snoopy
pursues his archenemy,
the Red Baron. Charlie Brown
takes a lesson from the fearless
beagle saying, “If there’s one
person you want by your side,
it’s your loyal dog.”
Will the optimist-slash-loser
in this thinly veiled allegory
about the Game of Life win
when he learns to Dream
Big? Let’s hope so. He
deserves it.
Creator Charles Shultz’ inspired
commentary of America through precocious
kids’ eyes comes to the big screen with CG
animation and in 3-D.
Release Date: November 6
The Danish Girl
Starring: Eddie Redmayne, Alicia
Vikander, Matthias Schoenaerts
Perhaps the male equivalent of Meryl
Streep for the cinema, Oscar winner
Redmayne (The Theory of Everything, Les
Misérables) commits to an identity overhaul
starring in this partially fictionalized bio52
drama of the groundbreaking
transgender Lili Elbe
(Redmayne) and artist wife
Gerda Wegener (Vikander,
Ex Machina) who stood by
her husband throughout his
long and difficult transition
to live as a woman in 1920s
Copenhagen. Lili acknowledges,
“You’re the only person who made sense
of me, and made me possible,” to Gerda.
What happens when Gerda realizes
that Lili is no longer the person she
married? A complex love triangle
blossoms when Gerda’s childhood
friend, Hans Axgil, (Schoenaerts,
Far From The Madding Crowd)
appears.
Not surprisingly, some members of the
LGBT community are complaining that
a cisgender actor wasn’t cast to portray Lili
and her transgender experience.
Release Date: November 25
The Good Dinosaur
Voiced by: Raymond Ochoa,
Jeffrey Wright, Anna Paquin,
Sam Elliott
Just supposing that asteroid that
caused all hell to break loose
missed the Big Blue Marble? In a
world where dinosaurs still roam the
Earth, the childlike Apatosaurus named
Arlo loses his father, recalling Disney’s
horrifying tragic-classic, Bambi. The
orphan makes an unlikely caveboy friend.
Ultimately, Arlo faces his fears and we hear
we have an animated object lesson.
This Pixar-Disney picture was dismantled,
re-tooled, re-cast and re-written from its
original Billy Elliott style storyline. Here,
Nature is the great antagonist. Satellite
images from Google Earth and the U.S.
Geological Survey create the stunning 3-D
scenery.
Release date: November 25
Okra
Way Down South
I
t’s no secret:
Chef Cullen Campbell has
the reputation of being one of
the culinary wünderkind of Phoenix.
Crudo, in Gaslight Square in Phoenix,
is considered to be one of the best
restaurants in Phoenix.
We anticipated Campbell’s
most recent venture,
Okra, inaugurates
the fashionable,
newly refurbished
and remodeled
space named The
Crown on 7th on the
bustling, ever-changing
stretch of 7th Street near
Bethany Home Road.
Chef Campbell was anxious to create a
menu incorporating traditional dishes from
his years near the Mississippi Delta of the
American South, giving them a delicate,
Italian spin. Okra, that polarizing, love-it-orhate-it, mucilaginous seed pod so typical of
Dixieland cuisine (like gumbo), represents
that culinary reference. It’s judiciously
scattered through the vittles on the menu.
Okra’s dinner-only menu features a
spate of about 20 “Snacks” (small, more
or less shareable plates–if you don’t
share too much.) Oysters, pork rinds,
smoked chicken wings and grilled
broccolini are just a few appetizing
surprises, with prices ranging
from $4 to $14. Happy Hour
offers a selection of these
for a discounted price. The
jumbo Hush Puppies are the
traditional dense, deep-fried
corn meal fritters we love. The
Grilled Okra drizzled with
goat cheese crème fraîche is
a garden fresh crunch-filled
treat. You’ll love the sweet
‘Nduja Dates, stuffed and baked with a
54
small chunk of Andouille sausage.
However, you’ll wish had more than
just four of those teeny,
tiny dates.
Go to “Bigs” on
the menu for a
bigger heapin’
helpin’. Try the
delicately baked
Catfish Al Forno with Okra
Succotash (what could be
more Southern?) Several
variations for succotash are
out there; it’s basically mixed
vegetables with fried bacon.
This recipe calls for okra with
the addition of firm, rich butter
beans and a few dabs of gremolata,
a chopped herb condiment of lemon zest,
garlic and parsley. The small filet of farmed
catfish is mild and almost creamy. $18
Sooey, piggy piggy piggy! A popular menu
favorite is the succulent Smoked Pork Ham
Hock with Black-Eyed Peas & Greens
that’ll have you sayin’, “Shut my mouth!” This
is a pork version of ossobuco, substituting
a hefty ham hock, lovingly smoked over
pecan wood right on the premises and
slowly braised ‘til the tender, rich, flavor-filled
meat falls off the bone. It rests on top of a
generous
portion of
dusky, earthy black-eyed peas with kale for
the “greens.” $20.
Other “Bigs” look mighty larrupin’, like
Buttermilk Meatballs & Polenta, Pig
Cheek Pot Pie and–of course–what
would any kitchen table be without Fried
Chicken, y’all? Here it comes either
Tennessee or Umbrian style. (We need
to go back to sample the transcontinental
difference in preparation.)
From the Carolinas to Calabria, Okra offers
seven different styles of Focaccia, which
is basically pizza,
paisanos. We had Focaccia
Sal with sausage, pepperonata (sautéed
sweet bell peppers, tomato, onion, garlic),
mozzarella and hot okra sauce, a distinct
blend of vinegar, sugar and peppers with
each flavor standing out. Pricing ranges
$10 to $14.
Vegetarian options are available with
Eggplant Parmesan with marinara and
fonduta (melted cheese), three different
focaccia and a spate of their “Snacks,” like
the Cheese Ball & Marinara, Goat Feta and
for pescatarians, oysters and mussels.
Okra sources many of their ingredients
locally. The flour and corn meal is from the
Hayden Flour Mills in Queen Creek. Goat
cheese from Crow’s Dairy in Buckeye and
other comestibles, including the sausages,
are locally sourced.
If you’d like a liquid libation from
the little brown jug in the plantation house’s
cellar, you’ve come to the right place.
Micah Olson, their mixologist, created a
spirited selection of the traditional Southern
favorites: juleps, traditional and nontraditional. Andrew Calisterio, Phoenix New
Times’ “Best Bartender 2015” is also on
hand with a variety of craft cocktails, beers
and Southern Standards, like the beautifully
hued cocktail, the Pendennis System:
Old Tom Gin, apricot, lime & New Orlean’s
famous Peychaud’s Bitters. All the old time
warhorses like the Sazerac, Hurricane and
the legendary bastion of the South, the Old
Fashioned, plus many others round out a
stunning (somewhat pricey) craft cocktail
menu.
Feeling peckish? Check out Happy Hour
at Okra where they offer a variety of bites
and sips for a right around a sawbuck or so.
(That’s five dollars, by the way.)
Okra blends the best tastes
of the Old South and the Old Country.
But wish that they were as generous with
their portions as folks down in Dixie are at
suppertime. The prices? The South will rise
again ... just like the price of eating out.
You won’t get off cheap here if you plan on
gobbling everything up like a field hand.
So leave your grandpappy’s Confederate
money and Nana’s Italian lira at home and
bring a credit card.
No need to go way down upon the
Swannee River, far, far away. Nearby
Okra is a welcome addition to 7th Streets
cavalcade of cafés.
Okra - 5813 N. 7th St.
Phone: 602-296-4147
OkraAZ.com
M-F: 4 -11 p.m. • Sat: 3-11 p.m.
Sun: 3 p.m.- 9 p.m.
Happy Hour: M-F 4-6 p.m.
58
WWW.IONAZ.COM
WWW.IONAZ.COM November
November2015
2015
60
Josh Rivers
& Mr. Woofy
It was love at first sight when
Josh saw Mr. Woofy, his dapper
Miniature Schnauzer. “I got him
after a spinal injury to bring me
happiness and provide me with
company during tough times. He’s
my loyal, loving companion and
brings me joy each day.” Recent
stem cell replacement therapy is
providing Josh with great
results.
Photography by Franklin Diaz
Direction by Kevin Bushaw. Text by Deon Brown
62
O
ur pet friends offer us their devotion and
unconditional love. We love them back for
their goofiness, their bravery, their sweet and
silly ways. They win our hearts.
ION picks an animal rescue charity and we
ask everyone participating in the shoot to donate a small sum. This year we were able to give
HALO Animal Rescue over $400 thanks to you!
Every year ION Arizona posts an open call on Facebook asking our readers to
respond, sending us a snapshot of them with their pet for inclusion. “Like” us on Facebook and maybe you’ll be picked to be models next year.
Stephen Flake & Hudson
Stephen gave himself a special birthday gift by
rescuing Hudson. They like to play a game of
“Bullfight” after bath time. Hudson races
around the house while Stephen acts
as matador, waving a towel, shouting, “Toro!” Hudson is 8-years-old.
Stephen just likes to act like an
8-year-old.
Here’s to you–and your Pets in the City!
Anthony Garcia
& Nick Davis
He ain’t heavy. He’s my dog! These
Shih Tzu-Poodles are brothers. Oliver likes to chase drag queens for
fun, but Jack is a lover. When Anthony and Nick had a car accident,
their daughter got them the dogs to
cheer them up and because they
bring value to a family.
Jennifer & Serina
Ackerman
It’s a dog’s life in this household. The
Color Purple was the inspiration for
naming sisters Shug and Celie.
The Chihuaha, Tiki, was a
“foster fail” from the Arizona
Humane Society. Don’t forget
little Nelly! Jen works at
Trader Joe’s and Serina
yoga instructor and volunteer at Humane Society.
64
Ken Elder
& Boo Radley
Boo has two speeds: Tasmanian
Devil and asleep. His favorite
chew toys are Ken’s
feet. Need a place to
live? Ken’s a realtor;
if you provide the
pet, he can find
you a home.
Victor Avila &
Jonatan Armenta
with Pearl
Pearl was living a hard life on
the city streets when she was
adopted when she was only
four-weeks-old. She’s still
a puppy but learning a few
tricks. Pearl has plenty of love
for Victor who works for Bank
of America and Jonatan, part
of Über corporate.
David & Kevin
Patterson with
Cayla & Cayden
David and Kevin are Powerhouses for Human Rights and Love!
They volunteer with Equality
Arizona, HRC and founded Project Jigsaw, connecting foster
children to loving families for
adoption. Daughters Cayden,
9, is in the Girl Scouts and Cayla,
5, is in kindergarten. Dog kids
are Buffy, Bob Gnarly, Oliver
and Hank (“He’s the handsomest!”) are all rescues or
abandoned and collected.
David says, “Two adults,
four dogs in a queen
size bed is love & back
aches–but totally worth
it!” says David.
66
Calvin Bovee
& Chester
Ooh là là! Calvin always wanted a
Frenchie, and Chester fit the bill
perfectly! Chester’s favorite trick is
to bounce beach balls from his nose
in the pool. He’s spunky, cuddly and
French–if only he could cook like
Julia Child ...
Rob Wellman & B.J.
“Bump” Tauregui
with Black &
Patch
Rob is a carpenter and
B.J. is a safety coordinator. Their swell
dogs are mutts by
trade–but they came
loaded with lots
of personality.
Black’s speciality
is fetch. Patch
has a penchant for
Budweiser. Both
of these lucky
pooches are
adopted.
Dean Dill & Priscilla
This girl came into Dean’s life when he was
hospitalized after a car accident. Priscilla
adores her little stuffed animal toys and
cuddles them like babies. Fair warning:
This 80-pound Pit Bull will attack you
... with kisses!
Freddie Maese
& Jackson Blake
Jackson found his “Forever Home” with Freddie
when life in several other homes weren’t a good
fit. He visited Freddie when one family he was
living with split up–and never left. Jackson loves
hiking, the beach or cocktails at Kobalt & Bunkhouse. Freddie is a ballroom dance instructor and
a favorite at “Dancing With The Bars.”
Dustin Brannen & Dirty
This poor little kitten lost his mittens when
he was only four weeks old. Dustin and
his boyfriend nursed him to health. Now
he plays fetch like a dog
“He’s a rascal but the
sweetest cat I ever met!”
said Dustin, a hair stylist at Salon D’Shayn in
Scottsdale.
Manny Mitchell &
Bear Farnsworth
The lovable Bear is an adorable blend of
Poodle/Maltese/Shih Tzu. Manny got him at
a party when he was just a three month old
puppy. Bear loves to prance around on his
hind legs and box like a prizefighter.
Put ‘em up!
68
Charles Goffnet
& Maddie
Who threw out the lifeline? Maddie was abandoned, but “She
rescued me,” says Charles.
It works both ways. Maddie
burrows under furniture,
but hates to play fetch.
Charles owns Brand
X Custom T-Shirts.
Fashion Alert! People
with their dogs
wearing matching t-shirts is in
this season!
Lawrence Miller & Lilly
It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No! It’s Lilly, the Wonder Dog! A
rescue from the Arizona Humane Society, she came
with a ton of personality packed into one little
Chihuahua. “She’s the sweetest little thing on
the planet and loves to sleep ‘til noon!” says
Lawrence, a massage therapist at
The Boulders Resort & Spa.
Kobalt staff with Harley
Jeffery Perales, Travis
Edwards, Kat Carlson,
Scott Jones, Abel
Muñoz
Tim Pawlak &
Jason Bannecker
with Henry & Cole
Ebony and Ivory! Cole is a black
Cocker Spaniel from AZ Cocker Rescue. Henry is a white Cockapoo
recently rescued from the
Maricopa County Animal
Shelter. They “forever home”
is with Tim, a financial
consultant/realtor and his
husband, Jason, owner
of HigginsandCole.com, a
great source for unique, dog
related antique collectibles.
Harley, a Pitt/Weimaraner
mix, belongs to Abel & Travis,
who adopted him from the
veterinarian’s where they took
their late dog, Char, for chemo
treatments. Harley’s mother died
giving birth, so he was bottle fed
since he was two days old. Harley
loves trips to Rocky Point so
he can play in the ocean. He
loves his Kobalt family.
Ilene Miller & Ozzie
Hector Lujan
& Robert Prieto
It’s a dog party at Hector & Robert’s
house! Snoopy the Beagle was a
rescue. The took in Gigi, the white
Chihuahua when her first owner
couldn’t care for her. Spunky, the
dark Chihuahua was a gift from
their aunt. Look out Miley Cyrus!
Snoopy can twerk! “They are
our children. Enough said.”
70
Pay no attention to that Chihuahua behind the curtain! The great and powerful
Ozzie might be tiny, but he thinks he’s 100
pounds. Ilene is the manager at Maizie’s
Bistro, and six-year-old Ozzie is her bodyguard. The great Ozzie has spoken!
Julie Smith
She’s here to protect and serve! We’re lucky Julie is
a detective with the Phoenix Police Dep’t., and the
LGBTQ Liason and Community Responder. She
also volunteers at one•n•ten’s annual “Gay Camp.”
Donkey and Percival are backpacking goats
therapy goats. The Huskies are Coconino and
Bandito del Fuego and Great Dane, Zowey. Lucy
the Macaw came from AZ Bird Rescue.
They love the LGBTQ youth.
Lindsay Fowler & Lucy
Lindsay is a saint for cat! Lucy was a rescue from a meth lab and had severe
facial deformation issues–that’s
why her tongue always hangs
out. Eight months of treatment
and Lindsay’s love saved her life.
Lucy is friendly and happy to
give instant love and affection.
Freddie Prinze Charming & Brüsmüs
Talk about a happy ending! Almost 3-years-old, Brüsmüs was a “last chance”
dog at the pound with kennel anxiety, narrowly escaping euthanization. “I’m pretty sure he’s part bat, part gargoyle, part doofus and
part bully,” says Freddie. “He can clear a four-foot tall fence in a
single bound! His goofiness always brightens my day.” Freddie
holds the title of Mister AZ USofA MI Classic.
Melanie Puskar,
Laine Ford with
Winston & C.J.
CJ the Bulldog carries her “baby” stuffed
animals around. Winston was a rescue
and adores his daddy. Melanie is the
Vice Chair and Laine is the Treasurer of Phoenix Pride.
72
Richard Heath & Keith
Swackhamer with B.B.
Heathhamer
B.B. had a rough start. He was rescued
as part of a litter of eight puppies in a junk
yard. This loyal dog runs like a Greyhound. Richard is an account executive
for The Pride Guide, Keith works
for AT&T.
Goochie Ybarra
& Ryan Coulson
with Zoe
It was little Zoe’s lucky day
when Goochie and Ryan rescued this 2-year-old doll from
the Maricopa County Animal
Shelter. If you rub her belly
you’ll have good luck! This little
pooch is very protective of her
daddies.
Natalie Cianciola &
Dr. Patrick Barnaby
The (not really quite) board certified, Dr.
Patrick Barnaby was rescued when he
was lost on the West Side. Special skills?
“Well, he’s a doctor,” said Natalie, Phoenix Pride Entertainment
Manager. They both
love pizza. Strictly
for medicinal
reasons.
Clayton Scherf &
Chris Davenport
with Jake
Jake picked out Clayton and Chris
when they adopted him from the Lifeline
Puppy Rescue in Brighton, Colorado.
Life in the Rockies made Jake a great
mountain climber. Clayton is the Phoenix
Pride Director of Development. Chris is a
Franchise Development Manager.
74
Dani Logan &
Ryker Knapp
with Angus &
Scout
Money will buy you a dog,
but not the wag of his
tail. Scout was abandoned with his mom
and littermates. Angus
was a rescue. Dani
is the Phoenix Pride
Program and Ryker
is a Team Leader at
PayPal.
John Brown,
Cindy Palmer
& Squeakers
Tuesday Mahrle &
Oscar Charles
Mayer Weiner, Jr.
I smell a rat! It’s Squeakers!
This friendly little rodent was
doomed to be a midnight snake snack
when he was saved from the gaping
jaws of Death by John and Cindy, novices with the Sisters of
Perpetual Indulgence.
Don’t you wish you were an Oscar
Charles Mayer Weiner, Jr.? His
greatest talent? “Well, he sure has
the begging thing down!” says
Tuesday. This friendly little pup is
just as social as she is. And just
as popular!
Jerry Heitman & Bill
Mitchell and Tank
What’s a palace without a pooch? Jerry
and Bill are members of the Imperial
Sovereign Empire of Arizona and
have the jewels to prove it! Their
French Bulldog has the lofty title,
“The Imperial 69th Tank of the Desert,”
but he’s a big ol’ clown.
Jeffrey Smit,
with Liza
That’s Liza with a “Z.” Adopted as a
puppy, this little showstopper turns
14 next month. Liza’s “Happy Butt
Dance” is a hit with audiences
everywhere. Jeffrey is Liza’s
couch buddy and they love
to snuggle in front of the
TV. Jeffrey serves as
Mr. AGRA 2015.
76
Jamel & Thomas Davis Ortega
Jamel and Thomas co-own the Twisted Peacock. Meet their pack of pink poodles, Precious, Lizzy, Cosmo, Elle, Fatty Daddy, Blessing and Bit Bit. The Yorkie-Poo is Toby.
Don’t forget their cat, Rhythm. The big dogs are Whisky and Cane, who was rescued
from abusive home for dogs to fight to Pit Bulls. The dogs like to bark in unison. Along
with their pygmy marmoset, Mona Lisa Carmen Conchita, they all live happily on a farm.
78
You never know when you’ll have a case of Puppy
Love! Toby, the white Chihuahua, was for sale on
Craig’s List. Bella was a gift from the animal lover
owner of Dick’s Cabaret.
William Batillo with
Bella & Toby
NOVEMBER 2015
The energetic and fun crew at
Doggy Daze treat your pet just as
they treat their own! Check out
their location at 7th Street
and Missouri in the Basha’s
Plaza. Co-owners Jon
Thompson with Cricket
the Pug and Sean Kirk
with Miss Ellen run the
joint with their awesome
team: Dan Oldenburg
with Buster, Tiffany Warren with Kiki (20 years
old!), Kaile Kirk with Jax,
Jessica Perez with Zero,
and Steven Moore with
Molly, who, “Likes to lick
her own butt.”
82
84
IONTUCSON
TUCSON PRIDE IN THE DESERT
86
90
H
owdy, Hunties! Problems
come in all shapes and sizes but they
don’t get funnier than what these folks are
faced with. This month’s Favorite Bitch® is
serving up some down home bullshit. So sit
a spell and soak up this Hillbilly Realness!
Dear Miss Tiger,
I’m fired up at my ma right now! She says
I’m gonna end up pregnant like she did.
Who’s she to judge? She don’t even know
who my real daddy is. I need some advice,
Miss Tiger!
— Audrey Dawn Lynn
Dear Your Name Paints This Picture
Perfectly,
Girlfriend, shit got blurry for mommy after
guzzlin’ down that tainted moonshine. It
ain’t her fault she can’t remember whose
wood her beaver chewed on the night you
were conceived. The only advice I have for
you is to stay away from your cousins and
you won’t ever have to worry about gettin’
knocked up!
Dear Miss Tiger,
My honey bear is a hillbilly with a heart of
gold! Problem is I hate eating with him. He
has no table manners whatsoever. I’m tired
of looking around the restaurant to see
who’s making fun of him. I’m wondering if
you got any tips?
— Buddy
Dear I Hope He At Least Has A Full Set
Of Teeth,
92
Look ... your man’s idea of fine dining is a
bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken washed
down with a super sized Mountain Dew. So
what the hell did you expect???
Go on ahead and enjoy your combo meal.
He ain’t the only motha fuckah at the
restaurant leaving the fork sticking in the
chicken while buttering their side biscuit!
Dear Miss Tiger,
My Charlie is too big. I used to do porn
over in Mississippi and even I can’t handle
it. He knows I can’t take it all, but he still
tries to give it to me! How do I keep us
from feuding?
— Rusty
Dear What Kind of Porn Star Films in
Mississippi,
Bottoms like you need to get it together.
You’re either complaining that it’s too small
and ya can’t feel it or you’re complaining
about feeling the burn when it’s too big!
Dear Miss Tiger,
I figure you can help. I went down to the
all-you-can-eat buffet with Aunt Millie.
She was putting food in ziplock bags and
stashing them in her purse. It was awful!
— Wesley
Dear Don’t All Your Relatives Do This
Shit,
Why are you throwin’ Aunt Millie under the
bus? It’s no different than when you take
your happy ass to Wal-Mart and steal all
the toilet paper out of the men’s restroom!
MISS TIGER
Advice Columnist • SiriusXM radio
personality ... and everyone’s
#FAVORITEBITCH
Website FavoriteBitch.com
Facebook /MissTiger
Advice [email protected]
by Synergistic Studios
SynergisticStudios.com
94
FOLLOW ON INSTAGRAM @SYNERGISTICSTUDIOS
Rio Loza
Wanderer/Gypsy
Portland, OR
by Addison DeWitt
Wicky-wicky-wicky!
H
“Pokémon! Gotta catch
‘em all.” I’ve caught a
few things in my day, but
nothing a little penicillin
wouldn’t cure. But I’d love
to catch these Pokémon!
(D) Squirtle, Bulbasaur
Charmander (Brandon
Hansen, TJ Stutts and Joel
Anderson) are always
growing and evolving.
(Kinda like me, if you know
what I mean. Well, I kept
growing, anyway. Another
double entendre, folks.
Kinda dirty.)
alloween is over!
All that dieting and
A
working out that you
did for your sexy,
slutty costumes
paid off! You
boys were
totally bonerinducing.
Now you
B
can start the
Thanksgiving
C
Feeding Frenzy
and wear elastic
waist sweatpants
(without any
Congratulations to Savannah
underwear,
Stevens! (E) Word came in that
please) for the
she’s been personally invited
winter.
by an assistant to audition
Ian Likwarz
for the hit TV show, America’s
and Ben Boe’s
Got Talent, season 11. where
annual “Haunted
D
she’ll impersonate Reba
Whorehouse” was
McEntire. We can’t wait to
the hot ticket private
see you on the color TV,
Halloween party, and what happened in
lady! Fancy,
E
the maze, stayed in the maze. (Well, and
don’t let us
on the floor.)
down!
I like a guy with beautiful brains and
yummy brawn. So I sampled both!
Now, the traditional ending to
Forget about your slide rule and pocket
my Halloween coverage–or
calculator ... Josh the Nerd (A) can help
“un-coverage,” in this case.
me “bone up” on my long division with
It’s luscious Pokémon Joel
“guzinta” lessons; like, how many times
Anderson’s “end.” (F)
does 25 “guzinta” 50? Sparky arc welder
Brian Lubbs (B) “galvanized” everyone
“I wanna be the very best.
there. He can show me how sweat pipes
Our courage will pull us
together anytime. (Do you get it? That’s
through.
called a “double entendre.” That’s almost
You teach me and
French for “kinda dirty.”)
I’ll teach you.”
BS West pulled all the stops out for
another traditional blockbuster Halloween
How I’d love for
block party. Creepy kudos go out to the
you to teach
Freak-O-licious Fright Fag, Jonny Noir
me! Love you,
(C) who kept the corpses animated on the
buddy!
dance floor from his terrifying turntable.
96
F
T
his month you discover Happiness at
hearth and home with kith and kin as the celestial skies provide some surprises. Experience the spectacular annual Leonids Meteor
Shower November 17-18 as Earth crosses
the path of Comet Tempel-Tuttle that litters
the atmosphere with debris. Expect 20 or
more per hour in the pre-dawn hours. The
Sun’s conjunction with Mercury (also on
November 17) encourages communication
and sharing ideas. This comes in handy at
the Thanksgiving dinner table over turkey,
mashed potatoes, green bean casserole
and Waldorf Salad. This conjunction is also
a good time to initiate relationships and
business deals. But not during Thanksgiving, please.
Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20
You’re filled with questions. You have
to know the “Who, What, Why, When &
How” of everything. Consider a career
as a detective, like Nancy Drew or the
Hardy Boys. But what will you do with the
answers?
Taurus Apr. 21 - May 20
Anticipate lots of playtime–possibly with
children, which is kind of weird. Unless you
like children. You won’t be taking things
so seriously for once. Say, “goodbye” to
someone weighing you down.
Gemini May 21 - June 21
You just might find yourself making a
romantic kind of “commitment,” which is
so unlike mercurial you and your ADD
personality. Beware! Philandering will finish
it off in a hurry.
Cancer June 22 - July 22
Hard work and industry surrounds you as
you get everything in order at home and the
workplace. This pays off for you with extra
money–which will pay off bills, bills, bills.
Leo July 23 - Aug. 22
Wise investments send you on a spending
98
spree! Your good taste doesn’t stretch your
budget very far, however. Be prudent, or
you’ll find yourself going from Fancy Feast
to Meow Mix in no time.
Virgo Aug. 23 - Sep. 22
Lots of added sparkle in your life helps you
learn how to get down and funky, much to
everybody’s surprise–especially yours. It’s a
little mind-boggling but keep it up, girl!
Libra Sep. 23 - Oct. 22
Gotta give you credit: you don’t deal with
confrontation well but you’ve behaved with
grace under fire admirably. Fortunately the
cosmic tide has turned! Expect a shift in life
that will surprise you.
Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov.23
Joining a group of others with common
interests helps you forge new bonds. It
may be a sports team, club or an orgy.
Hey, it happens. Your birthday finds you
scrutinizing an old friendship.
Sagittarius Nov. 23 - Dec. 23
Cosmic roadsigns and planetary street
maps mislead you last month. Your
celestial Garmin puts you on the right
path emotionally, spiritually and socially.
Celebrating your birthday includes a trip!
Physically or metaphysically.
Capricorn Dec. 23 - Jan. 20
You’re breaking the chains of enslavement!
It might be at work, or a situation at home,
or the chains of Love! You’re sexy when you
stand up for yourself. Watch out for those
road rage moments.
Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19
You always have these lofty ideas and
visions about the future as you struggle with
day to day life. It’s part of your weird, waterbearing wonderfulness. A wild wish comes
true.
Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20
If you haven’t done it already, you have two
more months to make a decision that may
cosmically alter where you live, your job,
or maybe just your hairdo. Love is either
coming or going.

PAST_ISSUES_files/173 November ION FINAL WEB

Transcription

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