AUFC Round 17 13 - Adelaide University Football Club

SUBSTANDARD
The Blacks’ Organ
Vol 18, August 10, 2013
Greetings and welcome to Volume 18 of Substandard, the Blacks Organ, for season 2013. The last round of
games was really just something to while away a few hours on a Saturday before the main event started,
being the Blacks Ball. And once again it was a huge success....the building is still standing, which is
unsurprising given that it was held in a sturdy car park, there were no reported deaths and breaches from
liquor licensing were in single figures. So all KPIs were comfortably met.
This week though its back to business and yet another massive weekend of milestones, with ex A grade
skipper TD and clubman extraordinaire Screecher in the limelight. A pretty short Substandard though due
primarily to a continuation of the Coaches match report strike, plus its almost lunch time. As always, if you
have anything interesting please send it through to [email protected], need some material for next
week.
ROUND 16 GAMES
We’ve called it round 16 but for all lower grade teams its actually round 18, with the C-Men and Kenny
Everitt Video Show definitely playing their last games for what has been a difficult season. And unless the
B*stards can convince Ugley to throw tomorrows game in the interests of playing the Blacks instead of
Salisbury North in the elimination final, which shouldn’t be too hard, then they’ll be joining in with the mad
Monday festivities as well.
Meanwhile, the A/B grade have crucial games at Opium Oval whilst the Scum/Chards head out to Fudge Field
for what should be a couple of canters. Full schedule as follows:
Div 1 (Beatle Lennon and the Yoko Oh-No's!!)
Div 1R (Spud O'Reilly & the non-fighting Irish)
Div 6 (Sexy Pimp and his C-Men)
Div 6R (The Kenny Everett Video Show)
Div 8 (The Chardonnay Socialists)
Div 8R (The Scum)
Div C1 (The B*stards)
Over 35s (The Greys)
Womens Team (The Girl Guides)
V
V
V
V
V
V
V
V
V
Henley on Drugs at Opium Oval
Henley on Drugs at Opium Oval
Mitchell Car Park at Bob Neil # 1
Mitchell Car Park at Bob Neil # 1
Bananarama Fudge at Fudge Field
Bananarama Fudge at Fudge Field
Ugley at Home for Horribles, 10:15am
Easts at Bob Neil # 1
West Adelaide at City Mazda Stadium, Sun 2:00
Good luck to all. Stump and the Pimp hosting what should be a big last round bowlies. Only 1 or a few weeks
to go so make the effort to get along.
SAAFL SNIPPETS
In news from SAAFL headquarters, King “Elliot Ness” Kernahan has been a busy boy:
• Smutfield have been banned for the rest of the season after incurring a combined 24 game penalty from 2
of their players last week.
• Central Dis-United had a player suspended for 10 games on Wednesday night, which given that they have
a suspended sentence hanging over their head from memory, may result in a loss of premiership points.
So the C-Men may avoid relegation yet!
• And finally, a flagon of Port-land lad last week was reported for abuse of an umpire. After a 25% loading
but reduction for an early guilty plea he has been suspended for a lazy 19 games.
WAYNE “SCREECHER” ABREY 200 GAMES
Wayne ‘Screecher’ Abrey started at the Club in 1999 where he played 2 B grade games and 13 in the C’s,
coached by fellow FGA legend ‘Krazy’ Nick Vezis. Screech has now played 199 games in 15 seasons (missing
about 100 games with various soft tissue injuries), kicked an amazing 10 goals from Full Back and received 72
Club B&F votes. He famously took one for the Club in 2007 by coaching the C grade in Div 6, successfully
carrying out his duty in finishing bottom (0 wins) and being relegated to Div 7, where we won a flag 3 years
later. Screech can often be recognized at training running between strategically placed cones, and as you all
well know he has the loudest voice in Australian Football history bar none; in fact from first-hand experience
there has been more than one occasion where Screech has actually panicked me into thinking I had much
less time than I did have in reality as I ran out of the backlines.
Screecher is also the Secretary of the club and has been instrumental in the formation of the Womens team
this year. He does a massive amount of work around the club and is one of the truly great club-men the AUFC
has seen, as is Adelaides Leading Taxi Driver. Congrats Screecher, lets make sure as many punters as possible
get to Uni Oval and the Cumby tomorrow to celebrate with the man.
Full Name: Wayne Abrey
Club Nickname/s: Screecher (fcuk knows why)
Age: Height: Weight: 33:6':90kgs
Guernsey Number: The true number 75!!!
Games Played: Goals Kicked: 199:10 (senior career 244:12)
Junior Footy Club: Athelstone/Hope Valley
Describe yourself as a footballer (In 30 words or less): A quiet, reserved footballer, that's true potential as
full forward was wasted by egotistical coaches that throw magnets in the air and name a side based upon
where they fall.
Favourite Movie: Actor: Wayne’s World: Chopper, Eric Bana
Favourite Player Nickname: Ryan Struck "By Lightning". Played 1 game in 2000.
Least Favourite Opposition Club: Flinders Uni (soft Uni p00fters!!!!!)
Favourite AFL Club: AFL Player: Adelaide Crows: Ben Rutten, Mick Martyn, Rod "Tilt" Carter
Of the AUFC players you have played with which Player is?
Smartest: All Hochmans, Fosdikes & Swincers
Dumbest: All coaches that have a simple job to do in putting scores on the internet, and sending
paperwork into the league, but honestly, couldn’t organise a r00t in a br0thel!!!! Yes, looking at you Dirty
and Rocky!!!!
Funniest: Clinton Rule
Angriest: Matty Hein
Best Looking: Dodgy Tony Schaeffer
Coaches Pet: Lazy Vezis; should have been dropped by Fosters Green @rsehole after a pathetic effort
against The Roving Hams at Dog P00 Park!!!!
Cockiest: Michelle LeGrand
Favourite Blacks Memory: Blacks Ball in the Vic Park betting ring when a young player had a young phillie
sat in his lap grinding on him, and the whole of the crowd of the ball gathered around to chant his name.
(Game, HYB, Blacks Ball, Super Sunday or Footy Trip)
Best sledge you’ve Given or received: Some 12 yr old at Fos's Farm, hanging onto the fence behind the
goals and saying, "Nice boots Fagg0t" in referance to my new white boots, before white was fashionable. My
opponent at the time, "That's a bit harsh!!!"
Favourite Player at the Club & Why: The Startled Ghazal, who passed me the ball to kick my first goal at The
Worlds Greatest Football Club!!!
Favourite Blacks Song: Green Ginger Wine, The Euphajism
Ask yourself a question and answer it: What does it feel like to win a Premiership??? Answer: ????
ROUND 17 RESULTS – BARE PASS
3 from 6, we’ll take that although on Blacks Ball day we’d normally expect a little better. As mentioned
earlier, the coaches strike continues so not much in the way of match reports this week.
If you want to check all results and ladders click below.
http://www.sportingpulse.com/comp_info.cgi?c=1-114-0-0-0&a=FIXTURE&compID=241990
The Yoko Oh-No’s 8.11.59 defeated by Gays R Great 9.12.66 (-7,
Goal Kickers: J. Lewis 2, B. Ellis 2, M. Allan , D. Cunningham , C. Bankes , W. Paynter
Best Players: J. Lewis, L. McEntee, D. Cunningham, B. Ellis, E. Swifte, C. Black
Bloody Gays R Great, geez I can’t stand those blokes.
The Non-Fighting Irish 5.12.42 defeated Gays R Great 3.7.25 (+17
Goal Kickers: P. Swincer , S. Pilgrim , P. Mulvihill , B. Sanders , E. Hewish
Best Players: J. Hamer, S. Pittman, M. Parker, W. McCullough, D. Blyth, K. Green
Nothing to see here.
The Chardonnay Socialists 2.8.20 defeated by Smush 5.8.38
Goal Kickers: L. Hambour , J. Richards
Best Players: P. Wittwer, A. Wright, C. Schiller, J. Beilby, L. Hambour, T. Davies
Nor here
23.9.147 defeated Smush 2.5.17 (+130)
Goal Kickers: A. Howard 7, N. Lawrence 6, D. Zampogna 4, N. Venning 3, J. Harry 2, D. Currie
Best Players: L. Holland, T. Bernard, A. Howard, S. Doyle, B. Fitch, C. Rule
But plenty to see here. I was hoping that Bunny may have a brilliant match report to me by now but has missed the
deadline. Anywho, was a super day for Rulei’s 300th with a Scum lineup on the field that was so old that the majority
actually showered without jocks on. The match report once complete will be entertaining so I might just save it for next
week.
10.13.73 defeated Gays R Great 6.12.48 (+25)
Goal Kickers: J. Wake 2, S. Saxby 2, J. Ellis , B. Boxer
Best Players: J. Ellis, J. Wake, B. Rogan, N. Leonard, J. Wilkins
Only match report of the week
TOM “JUMBO” DAVIES 150 GAMES
TD has been a defiant, proud and determined Blacks man from the outset since defecting to the Blacks from
the Old Reds (twice!!!). As an uncompromising defender with an ability to go into the midfield TD’s sheer
determination and competitiveness drove the A Grade to many finals appearances and wins with a highlight
being the determined 1 point win over Goodwood in 1999 on a sodden Adelaide Oval. He also captained the
club with distinction in 2001 and 2002. TD’s footy is defined by his intensity and his passion. Tommy hates to
lose, is not afraid to speak his mind and has high expectations for those that go into battle with him.
Those characteristics were a big reason for the success of the Blacks in the late 90s and early 2000s. It’s
difficult for those who weren’t there to appreciate what it was like to enter the field of play with both TD and
Shane ‘Herb’ McGahan in full-flight. They came to every game with a point to prove. They put body and soul
on the line, spitting venom at the enemy all the way, to show that their opponent was a dud, that our
opposition didn’t deserve to be on the park, that Uni was the best and that this was our week, our game, our
year. And why? ‘Because we bloody well owe these so-and-sos’ (or slightly more colourful words to that
effect).
With powerful running, a booming kick and the most thunderous thighs (proportional to body weight) in the
amateur league, TD dominated the half back line in his heyday. It’s a testament to his passion for the contest
that he’s still out there competing. 298 amateur games is a huge achievement, and the Blacks have been
lucky to have him for 150 of those.
Congrats TD on a great milestone and be sure to give someone a spray for old times sake.
Full Name: Tom Davies
Club Nickname/s: TD/Jumbo Prince/Skipper
Age: Height: Weight: 39!, 6’1, 98kg
Guernsey Number: #13 in the glory days, and #15 in Chards
Games Played: Goals Kicked: 149 games, 57 goals (Uni), 148 games, +60 goals (PAC)
Junior Footy Club: Walkerville, North Adelaide
Describe yourself as a footballer (In 30 words or less): Lucky. Once was fast, now slow. Reliable defender
Favourite Movie: Actor: Gerard Butler.
Favourite Player Nickname: “Birdshit” Haines. No need to explain
Least Favourite Opposition Club: Never been a fan of any other club. However, SMOSH, Central United and
Gaza would be front runners.
Favourite AFL Club: AFL Player: Essendon (yes, drug cheats), Terry Daniher, hard as nails. Wayne Carey,
superstar
Of the AUFC players you have played with which Player is? (Must not answer with yourself).
Smartest: Christian “Pucci Mama” Puccini. Never been wrong
Dumbest: Chris “Doile” Doyle. Not the dumbest, but selected due to knocking out close to 20 of his own
teammates and himself.
Funniest: Tim “T-shirt” Bryson and his bro Cameron “Blue Loo” Bryson. Hilarious
Angriest: Shane “Bad man” McGahan. Doesn’t like anyone
Best Looking: Darren “the Duck” Thomas. Just google 1990’s catalogue
Coaches Pet: Brenton “One Card” Cardone. Always got coaches votes.
Cockiest: Will “The Marquee Forward” Chapman. Just ask him.
Favourite Blacks Memory: After 1999 Grand Final win after all pubs and bars had closed, we were having a
party down on corner of South Terrace and Hutt Street. The house was littered with people, booze and a
number of other items, including a lawn mower. The highlight being John Kernahan firing up the lawn mower
and mowing the shag pile carpet in the lounge (with his pecker out). Gold! (eds note: i actually reckon this
was after the losing 2002 grand final, but granted they all meld into one massive session upon reflection.
Hard to tell the difference between a celebration and a commiseration at the Blacks)
Best sledge you’ve Given or received: Given to Drew Lister. “Drew, just before you kick it buddy, remember
you need to be at my place at 9am tomorrow to mow my lawns.” He proceeded to miss and have a stinker
Favourite Player at the Club & Why: Impossible as all legends. However, lots of respect for the “Superboot”
Mudge. Despite his whinging when young, he gave his all, and has done a great service to promote the club.
Favourite Blacks Song: Green Ginger Wine (Sweet Caroline)
Ask yourself a question and answer it: How would I rate my time at the Blacks? Priceless
MATCH REPORT OF THE WEEK – B*STARDS
The newly refurbished Mardi Gras Park was bitterly cold on Friday when the B@stards played their first ever
game under lights. We started off very slow (we hate the cold weather) and a few players appeared confused
as to why they were out on North East Road playing football at 7:30pm when they should be at the Hotel
Wright Street sipping boutique beers and chasing tail.
It took the Curry-Sauce combo to get the B@stards up and pumping, with Sauce laying down some solid hits
that would make even old Jimmy Tennant proud. Midway through the second quarter the B@stards hit their
stride with Phrayze playing a blinder - tagging out GAZA's rover whilst (accidentally) lacing out blokes in the
forward 50, it was a sight to behold. Condolences to J-Bag Johnston who will need a few j-bags now to
recover from his second broken finger in as many games...Speedy recovery Jimmy and hope you are out
again with us next year!
The final score was worrying though - this is a team we beat by 150 points earlier in the year....I guess if more
than 4 B@stards rocked up to training at any given time then we might be able to practice certain things like
marking, and kicking, and generally how to play the f**king game.
At least we were well represented socially at the Blacks Ball. BOG is a tie between DJ Paul Gurry and Max
'Anybody got a condom?' Jamieson
UNIVERSITY GAMES
If you want to go to University Games this year (Mens team only - and are definite about going, not just
maybe), please contact Butt Man (Anthony Butler) via email at [email protected] to get further
details. I know it is on the Gold Coast, but please contact Butt Man for further details.
It is less than two weeks to go until registrations close, we need numbers to sign on ASAP.
THE RULEI 300
In case you were wondering, yes that is a hair brush.
BOB NEIL PHOTO(S) OF THE WEEK
He’s a good sport Hirdy
Took this photo at Adelaide Museum...could not believe my eyes...
The Asiatic Bear (aka Blacks' Bear)....The original Blacks Man
UPCOMING EVENTS
Date
18/08/2013
24/08/2013
27/09/2013
Event
Melbourne Greys Lunch
Foodworks Family Day
Annual Dinner
Location
All Nations Hotel, followed by Crows game v Doggies
University Oval, Round 18
TBA
BLACKS LINKS
Interesting Blacks links below for interest:
http://dldigital.smugmug.com/BobNeilBLACKS2013 - Blacks galleries 2013
www.facebook.com/bobneil130
www.facebook.com/pages/Adelaide-Uni-Womens-Football-Team/141868472652163
http://www.linkedin.com/groups?home=&gid=5038844&trk=anet_ug_hm&goback=%2Eanp_5038844_1369
951828468_1 – the Blacks Business Group on Linkedin.
*DO THIS: it will take you 30 seconds, and be honest; you’re not doing any work today anyway.
It’s likely to be the best thing you will vote on this year.
http://www.cenovis.com.au/win-the-goods-entry/vote/120
BOB NEIL’S SATIN CAPPERS
Do you have any musical ability whatsoever? Singing, playing?
I’m assembling a band to explode onto the music scene for a Slam‘Jammin’
HYB in August...
The Plan; Farcebook me (Clint Rule) or email me [email protected] together
with whatever thing you can do. And, don’t worry, I’ll make your pieces fit...
SPONSORED MESSAGE, APPROVED BY BOB:
From the makers of Rebellion Bay Spiced Rum and Bearded Lady Bourbon comes Beenleigh Dark Rum aged
for 5 years and Australia’s first Australian rum blended with a judicious helping of Kangaroo Island Ligurian
Honey. At a recent tasting the great man himself commented; “This stuff is shit loads better than the bear
piss you get from Bundy!!”
PLAYER SPONSORS 2013
Player
Alex Quin
Andrew Alesci
Andrew McIntyre
Angus Reid
Arthur Dennsley
Ash Rowe ( nth adel)
Ben Lewis
Ben Sanders
Brad Davis
Brant Ellis
Callum Rohde
Cameron Slape
Charlie Parsons
Chris Black
Craig Bankes
Damien Cunningham
Dan Crouch
Dan Weekley
Darcy Bateman
David Blyth
Dom Davis
Elliott Hewish
George Hurley-Wellington
Hamish Crouch
Harry Jamieson
Jack Lewis
James Watson
Jono Hamer
Kalon Green
Lewis Parker
Lukas Antoniadis
Luke Mcentee
Matt Allan
Matthew Murdock
Max Parker
Michael Quinn
Nathan Hallion
Ned Dart
Pat Mulvihill
Phillip Swincer
Sam Krieg
Sam Pittman
Sean Rusling
Seb Paynter
Simon Sharley
Stephen Pilgrim
Sponsor Name
Andrew Lines
Tim Horry QLD
Stephen Walker
David Bertholini
Brian Seppelt
David Do
Jeremy Clapp
Terry Hutton
Gary Davis
Marcus Kampff VIC
Ross & Kath Rohde
Michael Reid
Stephen Parsons
Grant Miles
Patrick Maddern
Jim Katsaros
Phil Le Messurier
Scott Bache NSW
Tom Burke
Mark Wood
Shaun Fowler
Peter Abrey
Stephen Ey
Michael Eaton
John Gallagher
Paul Case
Richard Kimber
Ian Hamer
Martin Altmann
Stephen Parker
Jason Obbiettivo
James Trotter
Andrew Wright
Dave Taylor NSW
Brian Austin
Rick Sarre
Craig Ball
Graham Dart
Danny Mulvihill
Geoffrey Swincer X 3
David Proudman NSW
Mark Pittman
John McMurtrie
Nick Emmett
Peter Sharley
Nigel Brophy
Sponsor Business
The Rite Journey
United Medical Centre Darch
St. Andrews Hospital
Bertholini Anaesthesia
Sure Harvest
FMG Engineering
Signclass
Adelaide Uni Boat Club
Corduroy wines
Normans
Finlaysons
Santos
MLCS Corporate
Sturt Road Family Clinic
Dr Martin Altmann
Concrete Supply
Leading Edge Physiotherapy
Wright and Kirsten Lawyers
SGECU
Mitchell Chambers
Hyde Park Dental
Flexichem Pyt Ltd
Johnson Winter Slattery
Taylor Collison
Emmett Property Pty Ltd
Pambula Holdings
Player (cont)
Stuart Edwards
Tom Bateman
Tom Eldridge
Tom Sinclair
Tom Walker
Will Evans
Will McCullough
Will Paynter
Zac Hambour
Michael Heath
Tom Austin
Sponsor Name
Brett Edwards
Anthony Dimarzo
Neil Page
Greg Bain
Mike Walker
Michael Dadds
Egils Olekalns
Sam Nickless NSW
Nic Hambour
Tony Franzon
Ennio Mercuri
Sponsor Business
Lucid Consulting Engineers
Dadds Jandy Lawyers
Hambour Luxoflex
Queens Head
A/B GRADE REMAINING FIXTURES 2013
Round
16
17
18
Date
10/08/13
17/08/13
24/08/13
Opponent
Henley
Tea Tree Gully
Salisbury North
Venue
Henley Memorial Oval
Petaringa Oval
University Oval
THE BLACKS THANK THE FOLLOWING MAJOR SPONSORS.
SPON
PLEASE SUPPORT THEM WHEN YOU CAN